#ft mathias | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shion-yu · 2 months ago

Text

Day 13: Mononucleosis

A younger (early 20s) Shu story for @sicktember! Ft his roommate and best friend, Mathias. I’m really excited to post this one because I’m very pleased with it and I think y’all will like it. 3,680 words and no real TWs/CWs but angst and unrequited love. (This piece also works for Day 14, clean sheets, but I had already written a drabble for that one so you get both.)

Shu’s mom told him many, many times that there was no point in moving out. “You stay here, not paying landlord,” she said. “Until you get married.” But after college, and at 22-years-old, Shu felt as if it were high time to get his own place. He’d lived just him and his mom for his entire life, and she’d never let him contribute to the rent. Of course, he loved his mother. She took good care of him and was an incredible cook. But he also felt he would never really be more than a boy in her eyes, and it was difficult not to feel like one himself when he was with her.

And so, he moved into an apartment with his best friend Mathias. It was small, dingy, and not on the best side of town. The furnace went out constantly, and the elevator didn’t work up to their sixth floor apartment. And yet, it was home. Shu’s first home besides the safety of his mother’s place.

He met Mathias in college. Both were studying business administration and found they had similar interests in television and books. It was easy to study together when they had such similar schedules, and soon their studying became a full friendship. A friendship and, for Shu, maybe something a bit more.

It was junior year when they got a little too drunk at a new year’s party and Shu leaned over, kissing Mathias without thinking. The world stopped; everybody around them went silent. At least, that’s what it felt like to Shu before Mathias stepped back, eyes wide with shock.

“Why’d you do that?” He asked.

“I’m sorry,” Shu said. “I don’t know.”

Mathias came closer and kissed him again.

They made out in the back of the host’s pickup truck that night, drunken wandering hands and sloppy tongued kisses that made Shu feel as if he’d never wanted anything more. At some point Mathias said, “I don’t think I’m gay.”

“That’s okay,” Shu said. They kept kissing until the sound of fireworks exploding all around them startled them back to reality. It was 1996. Shu looked up in awe at the cold winter sky bursting into color; Mathias leaned over the edge of the pickup bed and vomited.

They caught a taxi back to Mathias’s small off-campus bedroom and Shu took care of him that night. There was no more kissing, not that it would have been particularly romantic with all the puking Mathias was doing. He kept apologizing, saying he never drank too much like this. Shu just rubbed his back and cleaned up the bathroom, wondering if the kiss was a one time thing.

It was.

The next morning, a very hungover and apologetic Mathias told Shu that last night had been a mistake. “I’m not gay,” Mathias repeated, although this time Shu just nodded silently, looking down at his lap. He was embarrassed and felt so foolish for hoping it was more than a drunken accident.

“Are you?” Mathias asked.

“What?” Shu asked, confused.

“Gay,” Mathias said.

“Oh.” Shu wasn’t sure what to say, although he was sure of the answer. If he said yes, what would happen? He didn’t want to lose Mathias as a friend, even if he couldn’t have more. Still, he decided it was better to rip off the bandaid. “Yes.”

“I thought so,” Mathias said, letting out a breath of relief that confused Shu. “I’m glad. I was afraid you might be offended that I thought you are.”

Shu laughed, although it was mostly to keep from crying. “And you don’t care? That we’re friends.”

Mathias shook his head. “No. As long as you understand that I made a mistake.”

Shu didn’t correct Mathias that Shu was the one who’d leaned in for the kiss first. He just agreed, brushed it off, and from that moment on they went back to just friends. Best friends, but nothing more than that. Shu thought about admitting his true feelings many times, but to what end? Mathias had been clear: as long as you understand that I made a mistake. Meaning if Shu didn’t, he wouldn’t have a friend anymore either. That was worse than unrequited feelings, he decided, and he kept quiet.

It was after graduation that Shu told Mathias he was looking to move out. “Your mom’s not going to be too happy,” Mathias said knowingly. She wasn’t, but Shu needed to know what life was like on his own now.

They had gotten their first job at the same marketing firm. Rather, Shu had gotten the job and then talked them into hiring Mathias as well. Every morning they would have a quick breakfast together, then carpooled in their shared, beat down 1982 Toyota to work. On the days it refused to start, they caught a cab. Sometimes there wasn’t enough spare change for a cab though, and on those days they ran to the bus stop and barely made it on time.

Mathias complained about the money. He said someday they’d get better jobs and move into a nicer apartment and have a car that didn’t need more repairs than it was worth. But for Shu, it was fun. He was living adult life without his mom’s watchful eye for the first time, and growing up with his best friend and the person he loved. So what if Mathias didn’t feel the same way? If this was how it was forever, Shu thought naively to himself, he’d be okay with that.

Shu got a raise first, that February. It was twenty cents more an hour, and they celebrated with beer and pizza from the gas station. It was a raise for making the most sales of any newbie that quarter, and Shu thrived on the praise he got for it. To most people on the outside, it would have seemed like such a measly starter job. For Shu, he felt on top of the world. Nothing could stop him, he thought. He worked harder, longer hours, even staying overnight sometimes. He thrived on being told he was a great employee. Mathias told him he was going to burn himself out, but Shu didn’t care. All the overtime turned into more praise and more money that he was thrilled with.

That was, until the summer of ‘97 swung around and just like Mathias had said, Shu found himself worn out one year into his career. Up until then, he’d never taken a sick day. He’d been sent home with the flu on a Friday afternoon that past winter, and was back to work on Monday. But this morning when Shu woke up, he found himself so tired he couldn’t get out of bed. He kept hitting snooze on his alarm - 5 minutes, 10, then 15 past his usual time. He needed to get up, but his limbs felt like they were made of lead. The fifth time his alarm went off, Mathias knocked on the door and poked his head inside in confusion.

“Aren’t you getting up?” He asked. Shu occasionally had to drag Mathias from bed, but never the other way around.

“I’m getting up,” Shu confirmed, but when he forced himself to sit up a wave of dizziness washed over him. It had been happening a lot recently, these little dizzy spells. Mostly at the end of the day when he stood up after several hours of terrible posture slouched over at his desk. This time felt stronger than usual, though.

Mathias entered the room, his face drawn in concern. “You don’t look too good,” he said. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Just tired,” Shu croaked. His fingers moved to his throat, which was painful. Come to think of it, he’d had a sore throat the past week too, but he’d been able to dismiss it. Now, though, he felt as if he’d gargled rocks.

Mathias sat on the end of the bed, forward as always, and peered at him closely. Shu shivered. “What?” He asked.

“You look like you’ve got a fever,” Mathias said, pressing the back of his hand to Shu’s cheek without warning. “Yikes. You definitely have a fever.”

Shu shook his head. “I can’t, it’s a work day.”

“I don’t think whatever cold you’ve caught knows that,” Mathias said. “You need to call in.”

“No, no,” Shu dismissed him. “I’m getting up. I’m up. Let’s go.”

Mathias sighed but stopped arguing. Shu was stubborn as hell when it came to work, and he knew a fever was not going to change Shu’s mind. “Fine. We’ve gotta go in ten, hurry up.”

Ten minutes was all it took for Shu to throw on his work clothes, brush his hair and teeth, and splash some water on his face to become semi-presentable. He downed a handful of Tylenol in front of the mirror, wincing as the chalky pills scraped going down his swollen throat. He looked rough, but he was confident he could make it through the day. And to his credit, he did make it through: coughing and feeling absolutely wretched. He’d lost his voice by the time their shift ended, and his supervisor approached him when he was punching out.

“Shu, don’t come in tomorrow,” she said. Shu opened his mouth to complain but she held a hand up to stop him. “You’re going to get this entire office sick. Go to the doctor and get some antibiotics.”

Shu was mortified, feeling like he’d been told off for doing something wrong, and nodded dejectedly. Mathias asked him why he looked like a kicked dog on the drive home and Shu told him. “Um, aren’t you glad she wants you to stay home?” Mathias asked, clearly not understanding Shu’s thought process. “She literally excused you from work.”

“Yeah, and what if she fires me because I take too many sick days?” Shu managed to say hoarsely. “And I go broke?”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Mathias snorted. “You need to calm down.”

But Shu couldn’t calm down. He just kept going down anxious paths of worst case scenario what-ifs until he got home and lay down in bed without changing out of his work clothes. He was out practically the second his head hit the pillow, and the next thing he knew Mathias was waking him up the following morning.

“Drop me off at work so you can get to the doctors,” Mathias was saying. Shu’s head was pulsing, splitting, and he just groaned. “Shu? Shit, you’re really burning up. Look, they know we live together, I’ll just bring you myself. Come on.”

Shu didn’t really remember Mathias helping him get dressed, nor did he remember the car ride over. What he did remember was them swabbing him for a few respiratory illnesses at the doctors office, and then the doctor coming in shaking his head and saying, “Well, your test for mono came back positive faster than anyone I’ve seen in a long time.”

Shu was sure he’d heard the doctor incorrectly. “The kissing disease? I thought only teenagers get mono,” he said, dumbfounded. He remembered a classmate getting mono in high school. Specifically, her being out of school for an entire month.

“Well, it’s common in teens and young adults, so you’re in the average age range,” the doctor said casually. “So I’ll write you a note for work and you’ll have to stay in bed until you’re feeling better. Take Tylenol for pain and fever, cough medicine if you need it, and-“

“Wait, how long are we talking?” Shu asked, alarmed. “I came here for antibiotics, I can’t be out of work.”

The doctor shook his head. “Mono is a viral illness, so unfortunately antibiotics won’t do much,” he said. “And I’d expect to be out of work for a few weeks, at least until the fever’s gone. Maybe more.”

“Like months?!” Shu asked, horrified. “How am I supposed to pay for rent?”

“Shu, we’ll figure it out,” Mathias said, “Just listen to the doctor.”

But Shu was beyond listening, and he had some hope that the blood test they did to confirm the diagnosis would still come back negative. Maybe it was just the flu, he thought. An unusual strain that didn’t test positive for some reason. Or a terrible sinus infection. He couldn’t be out of work for two weeks, let alone a month or even longer. He’d fall behind. All his hard work would be disregarded. They’d fire him, he was sure they would.

Mathias drove Shu home in silence, apparently knowing that letting Shu spiral at the moment was about all he could do. He dropped Shu off in front of their building and said, “I’ll tell work for you, if you want.”

“Please don’t tell them,” Shu begged. “I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow. I can’t have mono, I don’t even go out or kiss anybody.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Mathias said pityingly. “Just go to sleep, it’s all going to work out. I won’t tell them you have mono but you’re at least gonna need a few days. And the doctor said if you push yourself, it’ll just make you sicker.”

Shu stumbled into the house, flopping onto bed still in disbelief. He felt awful - sick, but also like his life was self-imploding and there was nothing he could do about it. For the next few days he stayed in bed, physically miserable but still hopeful that it was just a bad cold, until the office called that Thursday and said the blood test had confirmed a diagnosis of mono. They asked Shu if he wanted them to fax paperwork over to his work and Shu, although it nearly killed him, finally said yes.

By now he was sure that he’d get a call any day - a call not to come back to work ever again. Mathias tried to convince Shu that he was being dramatic. Their supervisor had even sent her well wishes and nobody at work was talking smack about him like Shu was so convinced was happening. Shu didn’t quite believe Mathias' good tidings only, but he felt too awful and drained to argue.

The exhaustion was the worst part, followed or perhaps hand in hand with a fever that refused to break for the first week. Shu wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so drained, like he’d run a marathon he most certainly had not signed up for. Mathias tried to coax drinks and food into Shu, but his throat hurt so much that he barely wanted anything. “You have to eat if you want to get better faster,” Mathias said, and usually Shu would have listened. But his head felt so full of cotton that he kept falling asleep even with a bowl of soup in his hands.

On the worst day of the fevers, Shu tried to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night and ended up face first on the carpet in the hallway. Mathias had heard the thump and woke up, running out of his room and turning the hall light off. “Oh my god!” He exclaimed, horrified. “Shu? Hey, buddy, talk to me.”

He turned Shu over, and Shu made a sound that was like a moan mixed with an awkward laugh. “I tripped,” he said. “Sorry.”

“You scared the shit outta me,” Mathias groaned, shaking his head in disbelief. “C’mon, let’s get you back in bed.”

He helped Shu to his feet and wrestled him under the covers. “These are soaked,” Mathias said. “Let’s change them.”

“You have work in the morning,” Shu croaked. “I’m okay.” It was just the fever making him emotional, he told himself. It was making him want to cry, because Mathias was so gentle and patient and handsome with a wreck of a guy like him with no attractive features and yet, he would never be anything more than a friend.

“You’re not okay. Sit on the floor, I’ll change them really fast,” Mathias said. He helped Shu to the floor and draped Shu’s duvet around his shoulders. Shu held it close and shivered, his whole body aching. He watched Mathias quickly change the sheets and then let himself get put back to bed. “Take your temperature,” Mathias said, handing him the thermometer while he got out Tylenol. “You - Shu, are you crying? Are you feeling that bad?”

Shu lifted his hand to his eyes to find he was, in fact, crying. “I don’t know why,” Shu said, sniffling. “It’s just the fever, probably.”

“Probably,” Mathias said, but he still looked worried. He checked that the thermometer was correctly under Shu’s armpit and shook his head. “God, you’re really going through it. Sorry, pal.”

Shu couldn’t help it - he let out another little sob. This was so embarrassing, he thought as he covered his face with his hands. Mortifying. He was going to lose his job and now his best friend too, because he couldn’t just be happy with what he had. He always wanted more. At work mostly, but maybe from Mathias too, and that just wasn’t fair to his best friend who had never pretended to be anything but himself.

“Shu? What hurts? You’re scaring me,” Mathias said.

“I’m sorry,” Shu said, trying to get his tears under control. “I’m just - my head hurts,” he said. It did hurt, but it definitely wasn’t making him cry. There was no way he could really tell Mathias why, though.

“Take the Tylenol,” Mathias instructed him worriedly. Shu did, and when it was time they looked at the thermometer which even given the shoddy lines on the glass, read about 103 degrees. ”Do you think you should take a cold bath?” Mathias asked.

Shu shook his head. He didn’t want to take a bath. He was sure he couldn’t do it without help, and there was no way he was letting Mathias see him like that - even more vulnerable and pathetic than he already was. Mathias got him cold washcloths instead and draped them over Shu’s forehead and neck, which made him shiver.

“The clean sheets,” Shu said, teeth chattering. “They’re getting wet.”

“It’s just water,” Mathias said. He glanced at the clock on Shu’s bedside table. It was two in the morning, and Mathias had work soon.

“You should go back to sleep,” Shu said, his voice choked but the washcloth at least hiding his watering eyes.

He felt Mathias rest a hand on his chest, and the small sob he let escape was unavoidably noticeable when they were making such contact. “I’ll be fine,” Mathias said. “I’m just worried about you.”

It wasn’t fair, Shu thought as he cried, completely unable to hide it any longer. Why did he have to get sick right when life was going so well? Why did he have to love someone who would never love him back, at least not in the same way that he did? Why was he such a selfish person to even hope otherwise?

Mathias was shushing him, telling him it was going to be okay. For a moment, Shu wished he’d never moved out and stayed with his mom, a bachelor for an indeterminable forever but at least he wouldn't know how badly this hurt. Eventually, though, he wore himself out and the sobbing subsided along with the peak of his fever. He felt overheated and kicked his blankets off, hot air escaping him in labored panting. “S’hot,” he muttered to Mathias, “Too hot.”

“Your fever’s just going down,” Mathias reassured him. “Just relax. You’re going to be fine.”

“How do you know?” Shu asked desperately.

Mathias hesitated. “It just will be. Lie back down.”

Shu listened, but he was still muttering about the heat. Mathias felt his cheek with one hand and it felt blissfully cool. “Keep it there,” Shu muttered. “Please.” Just give me this and I’ll be happy, he told himself. It’s enough, just make it enough forever. Mathias put his other hand on Shu’s opposite cheek, and eventually Shu fell asleep with Mathias’ cool palms cupping his tear-streaked face on both sides.

The next day, Shu downplayed what he remembered about that night. The fever made an easy excuse, and he forced himself to make jokes when Mathias laughed about the method with which he’d finally calmed Shu down, holding Shu's face in his hands. For the next several nights, as Shu tossed and turned with fevers that kept him up, he would try putting his own hands on his cheeks to comfort himself. It wasn’t the same, though.

It took three weeks before Shu was able to get back to the office, and even then he had lost weight and was exhausted quickly. His boss was wary of him being there, his pallor alarming her, and she banned him from staying overtime for another week. Despite Shu’s fears, the bills were paid and things went back to normal, slowly but surely. The fevers and cough were gone, only leaving a lingering exhaustion that Shu had to be careful not to push lest he wind up with a blinding headache as a result. It was difficult for Shu not to do as much as he wanted, but it was more difficult to continue pretending that his feelings for Mathias weren’t more painful than before, too.

Focusing on work was his only and best distraction, and so once he was able to get through the day without crashing, Shu threw himself back into the same cycle of overtime and blind dedication to his career. It was better than pining, he thought. Just like it was better to keep Mathias as a friend than to lose him completely. Shu told himself that settling for a life of good enough, and not perfect, was all he could hope for. It was all he deserved. Wanting for more was just too painful.

#shionwrites #Sicktember 2024 #sickfic #whump #oc: shu #oc: mathias #sicknario #fever whump #illness whump

17 notes · View notes