#ft caramel

[wwr-afterdark]

I don’t think I’ve seen all of the bone appétit characters yet... i’ve only seen Nilla, Caramel, and I think the newest girl, but I can’t remember the name of... can you put a new ref of all of them and their names? 

-🧋

(Thank you so much.)

Here's everyone so far! There's one more I'm fighting the temptation to add.

[aquarius-cookie-jar]

Some old screenshots I found about my cookies being silly.

[princess--bongwater]

Cacao kingdom done! next up is the vanilla kingdom👍 ty @skybristle for letting me include nyas ocs!!!

and as always rhe full

[mejaemin]

caramel- lee donghyuck

+18 mdni !!

wc: 2.8k

summary: donghyuck’s summer tan is just tewww sexy !! and spending your time with him and ilichil at the beach has you appreciating it just a little more

warnings: established relationship, fem reader, reader wears bikini, beach sex, exhibitionism, dry humping, nipple play, unprotected sex, pet names (mama, baby girl, baby), ft. taeyong, yuta, jungwoo, johnny, mark briefly

an: sm you will NEVER be able to keep tan donghyuck from me !!! do not play w me

───── ⋆⋅ ⊹ ⁺ 𐔌 ᩧ ຼ ͡ ৯ ♡໒⁀ ᩧຼ ꒱ིྀ ⁺ ⊹ ⋅⋆ ─────

the evening sun leaves a comfortable blanket of heat on your skin. yuta and jungwoo are controlling the aux from the condo just above your heads, jumping from smooth to chaotic music. the volume is low, so it doesn’t bother you. the waves crashing against the rocks overpower whatever’s playing anyway. mark and johnny have finally finished flailing in the ocean, and are now running back inside with everyone else. the newfound silence feels so comfortable that you turn on your side to nap atop your beach towel. when you do so, you’re met with your boyfriend, who appears to have the same plan.

donghyuck’s caramel skin shines beautifully under the sun, shimmering due to a combination of sweat and sunscreen. his arms are crossed over his stomach, lashes fluttering against his cheeks as he soaks in the sun. laying on the beach just before the evening came definitely did him justice. unfortunately, your adoration is cut short when one of his eyes opens.

“take a picture, it’ll last longer.” his voice deepened and is a little croaky after resting.

“okay.” you respond, knowing he was teasing, but still following through.

you sit up, leaning over donghyuck’s face to reach your beach bag and pull out your digital camera. after sitting back down, you turn it on and point it at him, snapping a few pictures. despite pouting and mumbling an ‘i was joking’, he returns to his original pose for you. when you play them back, they’re beautiful. the filter on the camera makes him seem almost ethereal, his tanned skin glittering in the sunset. upon further inspection his cheeks are pink, so you call him out, intending to scold him for not applying enough sunscreen.

“okay, first of all, you can’t just lean over me and put your tits all in my face and not expect me to be flustered..” he turns his back to you to be sulky, especially when you stay silent after his confession.

the first thing to break the silence was a snort. your struggle to hide your amusement ends when donghyuck turns to look at you and you collapse onto his chest in a fit of laughter. at this he wraps you in his arms and pulls you to straddle his lap. all your giggles fade to silence when you feel his length poke at your ass. it��s now your turn to be flustered when his hands glide over your curves, stopping just under your breasts to rub a thumb over them.

“see what you’re doing? you’re just so pretty.” he grabs the string holding your bikini top against your neck and pulls, letting it fall forward. he undoes the second string behind your back and then holds out the top to you. “who bought this for you?” he asks, tilting his head innocently.

your thighs squeeze gently around his waist. “hyuck..” you whimper.

he brings you forward to press a kiss to your lips, hissing when it causes you to bump against his erection. when you pull away his gaze softens as he tucks a hair behind your ear. “it’s okay, baby, everyone’s inside.” he looks at you expectantly, waiting for your approval. when you nod, he kisses you again before his demeanor returns to how it was. “now, answer me.”

when you push your hips down into his, seeking friction, he puts a hand on your hip to stop you and raises an eyebrow. your cue to respond.

“y- you did..” you reply, looking down at your hands, planted on his chest.

“yeah.” he pulls you flush to his body, pressing kisses to your jawline. one of his hands leaves its home at your hips and begins gliding up and down your body. “cause i knew you would look so good in it..” his kissed travel downward to your neck, where he gets a little rougher and leaves marks as his teeth nip at your neck. “and look where that’s gotten us.” he gestures down to his lap, where you’ve begun grinding yourself into him.

“please, hyuck..” you whine, pushing yourself into him a little harder.

“go ahead, baby. get yourself off. i’m busy.” he replies before pulling you closer by your hips and attaching himself to your breasts.

a whine immediately escapes your lips at the sensation of his hot tongue against your nipple. one hand leaves your hip to hold the other, pinching and pulling at it as you rut against him. when you look down at him, his glimmering eyes stare back up at you. his tongue glides over your nipple and the surrounding marks he’s leaving, all the while maintaining eye contact with you. the way he stares at you, in an almost innocent manner, has you keening and dragging your hips against him a little rougher.

for the first time since you began, donghyuck finally expressed his pleasure and groaned, sitting up while keeping you in his lap. he pulled your nipple between his teeth, seemingly grounding himself as he began moving his hips in sync with your own.

“fuck, mama.. keep going.” he breathes, before snaking a hand behind your neck to pull your lips to his. the nickname has you throbbing against him, which didn’t go unnoticed when he twitched against you in response.

as soon as your mouth comes into contact with his, your hips start moving with a little more purpose. your boyfriend pushes his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around your own. neither of you are holding your voices back as you rut against each other. with each drag of your hips, donghyuck’s tip rubs against your clit in a way that sends waves and waves of pleasure through your body, stronger than the ocean’s.

with great reluctance you begin pulling away from his kisses, not without biting at his lip and letting it snap against his teeth. “i’m so close…” you whine, slowing your hips down while you wait for his response.

he pulls you forward, bringing you into another wet kiss before pulling away again. “i know baby girl, it’s okay. you can do it, cum in my lap.” he encourages.

as soon as the words come out of his mouth, you start up again. your hips glide against his clothed cock at a speed that has you nearly bouncing on his lap, all in an attempt to chase the high that approaches you slowly.

donghyuck’s arms wrap around your waist, holding you tight to his body as he begins chasing his own orgasm. you feel a little silly getting off like this, almost like a teenager. you’re sure that if someone saw you two right now you’d be compared to animals. however, you don’t pay the thought any mind. the subtle ache against your folds from your bikini bottom and your boyfriend’s coarse swim trunks is enough to make your body flare up in heat and make your thighs tense.

the fear of being heard, or even caught by the others turned into pure adrenaline. you put a hand on hyuck’s shoulder, leaving scratch marks as you rode his bulge, your other hand pulling at his soft brown hair. he moaned softly into your mouth at the feeling. you clenched around nothing, moaning desperately into the air. donghyuck has never been afraid to let you know how he feels, and the way his voice sounds so angelic in moments like these is what brings you to the edge.

“hyuck, i- fuck!“ your back arches, pushing your weight into him as far as possible as your body tenses. your eyes clamp shut and your pulse is all you can hear as your pleasure overcomes you.

donghyuck doesn’t stop, continuing to roll his hips into your clothed cunt until he finally comes, whining into your ear. as you both come down, he runs a hand through your hair to keep you grounded. when you finally come to, you pull away from the crook of his neck to see him smiling at you.

“hi.” he presses a kiss to your lips, followed by one (or ten) to the rest of your face.

you weren’t quite ready to come back to earth yet, so you just respond with a ‘mm’ before kissing him and resting your head on his shoulder once again. he chuckles, idly playing with the ends of your hair before speaking again.

“wanna keep going? or should we go inside?” he asks, leaning back so you both were laying on the towel.

“stay.” you mumble into his neck, tightening the grip your legs have on his waist. he shudders at the sensation.

”oh yeah? is that what you want? you wanna fuck on the beach?” he gently grips your hair, pulling you back to look at him. you moan breathily, nodding in response.

”use your words, mama.” he looks at you expectantly as his hand inches closer to the knot on the bottom of your swimsuit.

“yes, yes, please.. i want you so bad..” you respond, pouting and pushing your chest into him for emphasis.

as always, your body compels him to listen to your requests. his eyes flicker down to your cleavage and in the blink of an eye you’re now under him, completely bare. the sun has gone far enough under the horizon for your eyes to need adjusting before you can see your boyfriend again. once you can finally make out his features, it sends a whole new wave of heat through your body.

donghyuck’s face is perfectly dewy, from the heat and exertion. his brown hair is completely dry but still slightly clumpy from the ocean water. it hangs over your face and creates a nearly perfect cage that tickles your cheeks when he leans down to kiss you. immediately, your hand goes to the back of his head and pushes him closer. you let his tongue enter your mouth without a fight, desperately swirling it with your own in an attempt to get closer to him.

with an obnoxious smacking noise, your boyfriend pulls away from your mouth. he purposely pauses to laugh at the string of saliva connecting the two of you before you swat it away in annoyance. for once he decides against pouting at you and instead sits up to pull his swim trunks down just enough to be able to pull his cock out. his eyes squeeze shut as he pumps it one, two times before trapping your head between his arms once again. he presses a quick kiss to your lips before falling to rest on his elbows, leaning on one to use his now free hand to ease himself into your entrance.

when a whimper left your lips at the stretch donghyuck leaned down and pressed one of many kisses to your lips, followed by two times the amount to your cheek and jaw. with a harsh nip to the sweet spot of your neck, he pulls away.

“are you enjoying this, baby? do you like knowing that someone might come and see us? hear us?” he eggs you on, although he knows that this is a private beach connected to the condo taeyong rented for their off season. if you’re aware of it, you’re certainly too far gone to remember because you immediately get wetter, nodding your head with a moan as he pushes himself the rest of the way in.

“yes, hyuck, fuck- it’s so good..” you whine, already arching your back into him.

he begins picking up his speed now that you’ve adjusted and brings a hand to your cheek, pressing his thumb between your lips to keep you quiet. his other hand holds your hip and helps to pull you back and forth on his cock, wet noises erupting from between you two with each thrust.

donghyuck’s head is thrown back and he bites back a groan. the sight of his eyes pinched shut and his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows his sounds of pleasure has you wrapping your legs tight around his waist and subtly moving your hips to meet his own. he abruptly begins to slow his movements and you’re about to yell at him when you realize he’s looking in the direction of the beach house’s back porch, having a conversation with someone.

you can’t really turn to look at who’s there because the porch is behind you, so you let yourself slip slightly back into your normal consciousness to hear that yuta is yelling out to you both.

he calls out your names, “are you coming in yet? we’re about to eat!” he yells.

you look at your boyfriend and he briefly looks at you to press a finger to his lips before addressing the elder. “we’re relaxing! call us when it’s actually done!” he replies.

unintentionally, you twitch around his dick and his hips stutter before subtly pushing into you once again. you lay your head back down and are about to let yourself return to being blissfully unaware when yuta begins cackling.

”don’t be too long!” he sing-songs, nearly out of breath as he laughs his way back inside the house.

donghyuck looks back at you and huffs, rolling his eyes. “what a turn off.” he mumbles.

your legs tighten their grip on his hips. “you’re about to be even worse of a turn off if you don’t hurry the fuck up.” you whine.

immediately he begins increasing his speed.

“chill, chill… might as well leave you here if you rush me…”

he falls forward on his elbows. his face right above yours as he now rolls his hips deeper, aiming for your most sensitive parts in an attempt to speed up the process. each time he pushes himself back in, you can feel his dick poking at your insides so deliciously that each thrust has a familiar kind of heat flooding through your legs up into your whole body. with one hand leaving a bruising grip on your hip, the other resting next to your head, donghyuck licks a fat stripe up your neck, biting and sucking at the spot that always has you folding for him. your back immediately arches into him at the sensation, a series of pleas falling from your lips.

donghyuck pulls away, fake cooing at you. “aww baby, do you want to cum now?” he rests a hand on your cheek, his hips never stopping as he waits for your answer.

“yes, fuck- please, hyuck, please..” you whine, running your tongue along his thumb appreciatively when he pushes it into your mouth.

“of course, mama. anything you want.” he smiles, dropping his head back down to your neck to press wet kisses to it as he pushes you towards your orgasm.

at this point, you're so close to the edge that all it takes is your boyfriend’s hand slipping its way in between your bodies, rubbing vigorously at your clit to push you over. combined with his rough thrusts, your body tenses, hips shaking as white hot pleasure courses through you. shortly after, donghyuck gets there too, hips stilling as he moans softly in your ear. a whimper escapes your lips as his hot cum spills inside of you. you feel slightly overstimulated, but it’s so worth it.

after a few minutes of sitting in your afterglow, you hear the door above you slide open once again. this time it’s taeyong, calling your name before addressing your boyfriend.

“donghyuck! let’s go, we’re eating now!” he calls out, not wasting any time before going back inside. you flush, knowing that they’re more than likely aware that you weren’t just ‘resting’.

the man on top of you groans, sitting up and pulling out of you. he looks as if he’s half asleep, staring at the spot where his cum seeps out of you with heavy lidded eyes. when you sit up, his trance breaks and he sighs, getting himself together and packing up your towel. next to him you put your swimsuit back on followed by your shorts before folding up donghyuck’s and standing up. he takes your hand, making his way back up to the condo with you in tow.

as soon as you walk in the back door, everyone’s eyes are on you both. once again, yuta begins cackling, nearly choking on his food at the sight. donghyuck pulls your chair out at the table and helps you sit down before going to your room and putting your belongings away. when he comes back and sits with you, johnny is the first to speak up.

“so, uh, hyuck.. i’m assuming you’re not hungry?” he laughs.

you immediately cover your face in embarrassment, however you can’t laugh for long because you hear the word ‘actually’ leave his lips and immediately have to smack a hand over his lips to avoid everyone hearing about yours and his sexual endeavors. regardless, the night is full of laughter and strays away from the subject that they hopefully forgot about. until you do it again.

───── ⋆⋅ ⊹ ⁺ 𐔌 ᩧ ຼ ͡ ৯ ♡໒⁀ ᩧຼ ꒱ིྀ ⁺ ⊹ ⋅⋆ ─────

[heartofjasmina]

I can never decide with these games 🥴 but I’m missing bakugo a lot lately so let’s go with

👹 for bakugo

Demon!Bakugou who gets summoned accidentally by baby witch!reader. He's at least 7 ft tall, thickly muscled, covered in ancient tattoos, and completely- utterly naked. You didn't know where to look, his dick was girthy and hard already, but his eyes were a beautiful glowing red.

You would have worn more clothes if you knew what the result of your spell would be. But all you get is a grin full of sharp teeth before he's ripping off your tiny shorts, his deep growly voice telling you, "A worthy sacrifice."

"Hey! H-hold it, I'm not a sacrifice-" but he's already grinding his shaft between your folds, and to your embarrassment you get wet fast. He was gorgeous after all, blonde spikey hair falling around two massive horns, and a cocky expression on his handsome face. His brow raised as he took a deep sniff of you.

"You smell like one. Eager and untouched by my kind." His tip leaks pre all over your belly, marking you with a potent scent of smoke and burnt caramel.

"But-" you spluttered, finding it hard to focus when his heavy cock drags against your clit.

"Do object to this form? I can change it if you wish-"

"No!" The word escapes you a bit too desperately and the demon grins again.

"Then you'll be my concubine. And bear my spawn." The blunt head of his cock finally pushes between your folds, teasing your entrance but not giving you what you're starting to crave.

"I never said-"

"Your body says otherwise, human." And then you're being stretched wide in one smooth glide. The sticky mess between your thighs easing the way for him to bottom out inside you, his heavy balls smacking against your ass.

"Do you see how well we fit? You're meant to take my seed." His voice is triumphant and you'd tell him to go fuck himself if you had any breath left in your lungs. You could barely speak as he started to fuck you in earnest, the head of his cock hitting your spot almost too perfectly.

You keened as he finally put his hands on you, groping your tits and playing with your swollen clit as if he couldn't get enough of your reactions. His eyes glowed as he got close. Growls and deep rumbles escaping him as his hands gripped your waist so he could fuck you harder, deeper.

You came with a cry as he filled your womb with his hot cum, your whole body growing warm as the magic of your union was sealed.

"Perfect little sacrifice." He murmured smugly as he petted your head, not making any move to seperate your bodies yet.

He wanted it to take, and your cheeks heated with the realization.

[lightseoul]

im surprised no one asked for this yet but please do no. 17 for the 2k milestone 💌 your works are amazing!!!! 🥰🫂

hello, elle! this ask gets a fast pass because SAME i was just waiting for someone to request this number, so thank you!!! and i just want to quickly thank you as well for all the love you've shown my works, i see and appreciate you sm <3

(this is lightseoul's 2k milestone event ft. bakugou katsuki! to play, view the numbered list of prompts here, then simply send an ask with your chosen number and i'll whip something up!)

17. "DID YOU BUY ME FLOWERS?" (1.3k)

ping.

you startle ever so minutely at the chime that just reverberated across your car, briefly interrupting that one song that’s been on repeat for the last few days. as your speakers resume playing the familiar melody, you glance at the phone held in place by your handy mount, and you can’t help the smile that creeps up your face when you see the notification.

(6:54 PM) katsuki🧡 : Will be down in a sec.

you kissed him goodbye and called out a ‘take care’ just this morning before he left for work, but it feels like it’s been more than 24 hours since you last saw each other.

maybe you can chalk it up to your own workday being brutal and full of mishaps, but you’re lucky enough to have been able to leave on the dot instead of working overtime like the man who just texted you.

you were set to go on a dinner date, what with today being a friday and there being a new sought-after ramen shop that just opened earlier this week downtown. the plan was to meet back at your shared apartment so that he could drive you both to the restaurant, but a message from him at 4 in the afternoon saying he had to patrol overtime required you to do a little bit of adjusting.

which explains why you’re now parked right in front of the ground riot agency, essentially picking up your boyfriend.

tapping your fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, you peer through the window to your right, eyeing the entrance to the building. true to his word, #4 pro-hero dynamight emerges from the glass doors, now wrapped in casual clothes instead of the hero gear he left home in this morning.

you barely make out him scanning the parking lot with that signature scowl on his face, but the angry expression instantly morphs into a look of recognition when he spots your car.

the man starts jogging toward you, and as he gets closer and closer to where you’re stationed, that’s when you notice he’s carrying what suspiciously looks like a bouquet of flowers.

but you don’t even get to react because, in a matter of seconds, he’s already opening the door to the passenger’s seat.

as he slides into the spot beside you, you’re instantly hit with the comforting smell of burnt caramel and that signature perfume of his that never fails to make you just a tad bit light-headed and, quite frankly, dumb.

“hey, babe,” bakugou greets you, before leaning over the console and placing a firm hand on the crook of your neck, bringing you in for a kiss.

despite yourself and the sheer number of times you’ve done this, you still flush when you feel his tongue brush over your lower lip just ever so slightly, which you’ve long identified as his way of asking for permission.

you’ve never been the type to deny him, and so you relent.

you barely stop yourself from groaning when the wet muscle enters your mouth, and for a moment you just sit there—brain empty—as he kisses you fervently, his grip on you unrelenting as ever.

bakugou katsuki doesn’t half-ass things, and that includes kissing you.

eventually, when you think he’s satisfied enough and aptly satiated, he pulls away, and it takes you a moment to ground yourself back to reality. he must’ve noticed, because the cocky son of a bitch only smirks to himself before moving again.

dazed, you watch your boyfriend as he stirs in his seat and grabs the bouquet you completely forgot about from under his feet, thrusting it toward you.

“here.”

your eyes dart back and forth between the bunch of pink tulips and the man, “are you being serious, right now?”

his eyebrows instantly furrow. “what? ‘course i am. picked them up during patrol. knew you’d like ‘em.”

at his mention of the item, your gaze drifts to the thing that’s been sitting in wait in your backseat.

bakugou studies you for a beat, probably wondering what the fuck is going on, before following your line of vision.

you brace yourself for his confusion or maybe even stunned silence in reaction to it.

but neither of those comes.

what does come, is something close to indignation.

“…who the fuck gave you that?”

you feel your face contort in confusion. “what?”

at that, bakugou turns even more toward the backseat, staring down the poor bouquet of orange lilies that absolutely hasn’t done anything wrong to be met with such disdain.

“which dipshit gave you those, hah?” he spews, evidently miffed. “was it that stupid coworker of yours who’s calling himself your fucking work husband?”

“what? no!” you exclaim, because why the hell would he think you’d even accept in the first place?

even with your denial, though, bakugou isn’t looking too pleased, now closely resembling a petulant child.

a cute, jealous, petulant child—

—holding a collection of tulips.

you try to tamp down the grin that’s fighting to take over your features, knowing better than to make him feel embarrassed for getting riled up over the idea of other guys being around you. reaching to the backseat, you take the assortment and quickly fix the areas that inadvertently got folded during the drive over, ultimately handing it to the man.

only the said man looks at you like you just grew horns.

it takes him a second to reply, voice gruff and low when he asks, disbelieving: “did you buy me flowers?”

you really don’t know how else to respond, so you nod. “got them on the way here. they were on display and they reminded me of you.”

at that, bakugou doesn’t say anything, eyes unwaveringly fixed on the bursts of orange.

but he doesn’t move to take them off your hands or something.

you feel your smile faltering just a little. “you don’t like them?”

he looks up at you, like your voice just brought him back from where he was deep in thought. “yeah—no, they’re nice.”

before you get to dwell on what nice means and if he really meant that or was just being courteous, bakugou wordlessly coaxes the flowers from your grip and sets them alongside the ones he got you.

once they’re secure in the tiny space beside him, he then leans over the console again, before planting a lingering kiss on your lips.

one that tells you all the things he can’t bring himself to say—at least at this exact moment.

one that’s definitely saying thank you and i love you.

and maybe, if you read into it close enough, an i love it—give me more in the future.

you eagerly return it before he can pull away.

you don’t think bakugou noticed, but on the silent drive to the restaurant (after you spent ten more minutes in the lot making out), you stole a glance just in time to catch him sniffing the flowers (the ones you got him) and seemingly fighting the upturn of the corners of his lips.

he also brought the bouquets with him to the restaurant, which he absolutely didn’t have to. when you playfully called him out on it, he told you off by saying you can’t just leave flowers in a car for various reasons. you listened to him as he went on and on about why that’s so, but the redness of his ears sort of gave him away.

and when you got home, the first thing he did when he thought you weren’t looking was grab two vases and get to work arranging the tulips and lilies together, placing them side by side at the center of your dining table.

it wouldn’t be until two weeks later, however, that you accidentally bump into his bedside table, causing the book he’s about halfway done reading to fall on the floor.

and when you stoop down to pick it up, you see that he’s on page 280, to be exact.

and marking that halfway point is a dried lily.

[forlix]

𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞・l.f.

— five times you want to tell your best friend you love him and the time you finally do.

words・7.7k

pairing・idol!felix x gn!reader

genres・fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, slow burn w/a happy ending, 5 + 1 trope, idiots in love who are also afraid of love, you do the math

warnings・alcohol consumption, discussions of anxiety, lots of emotional vulnerability, like a surprising amount of crying icl

playlist・jazz bar by dreamcatcher・spring day by bts・through the night by iu・eight by iu ft. suga・house song by searows・not mine by day6

a/n・i borrowed the title of this beautiful day6 song for this fic; give it a listen if you can (especially while reading part four). happy late birthday, lix <333 thank you for being you

One. The door to the café opens with a soft jingle, bringing a chilly draft into the room and causing you to draw your scarf tighter around your shoulders.

Theoretically, you come here to study—but people-watching has become a simultaneous pastime. There was that couple with a pair of samoyeds, so fluffy that they looked like walking clouds; a mother and son, hunched over their croissants, arguing in a classic “don’t cause a scene in public” tone; an elderly woman in bicycle shorts asking for extra shots of espresso in the menu’s most caffeinated item.

And now, there is him.

“Hello,” the ashy-haired stranger says to the barista with a quick, polite bow. “May I have a medium caramel latte? Hot, with sweetener, please. Thank you.”

His voice reminds you of the notes of a cello, of the feeling of running your fingers through tufted velvet. When he turns away from the counter, he’s slipping a card back into his wallet, and you catch a glimpse of long lashes and a scattering of freckles. You cannot see his face, as it’s covered by a black mask, but that only propels the question further: who are you?

And perhaps it is destiny herself who hooks a gentle finger beneath the stranger’s chin and tilts his head upwards, because when he inadvertently steps into a patch of sunlight, his brown irises illuminate like molten amber, and they are fixed upon you.

You feel your lips part, your stomach turn. You don’t know if your cheeks are so warm because of your piping hot tea (your third one today) or because of the newfound eye contact with someone so ethereal.

But you are sure that the corners of the stranger’s eyes crinkle ever so slightly, as if his lips have just curved into a smile beneath his mask.

“Felix,” the barista calls, and you turn the name silently on your tongue.

Maybe you are exhausted from work and not thinking straight. Maybe you are more starved for change than you’ve ever been. Or maybe you’re just prophetic. But you think you sense forever in this man, with his freckled cheeks and pretty eyes.

That is the first time you want to tell Lee Felix you love him.

Two. The second Felix comes into your line of vision, you sense that something is wrong.

You hold up a hand in greeting, and the smile he returns is sincere but muted, as if it pains him to move, to breathe. He sounded weary on the phone earlier—can I see you tonight? Just for a bit—but only now that he’s in front of you do you see the extent of his fatigue, seeping into his sunken shoulders and lightless eyes.

“Hi,” he says once he’s close enough.

“Hey, you,” you answer, rising out of your seat. Instinctively, he extends his arms toward you, and you draw him into a hug that is fleeting and familiar. He smells faintly of laundry detergent and vanilla, and it makes something within you ache, like an oyster searching for its absent pearl.

When you pull away, your hands move to your best friend’s cheeks, cocooning his face so you can get a better look at him. Even under the sparse streetlights, you see that his eyes are slightly bloodshot, the shadows beneath them deep and sullen. Has he been crying? 

“Bad day?” You ask, your hands falling back to your sides.

“The worst,” he returns with a weak smile. 

“Wanna take a walk?”

“Yes, please. How long do I have you for?”

This is what you do when your schedules are too packed for you to make real plans: take strolls wherever is most convenient, for however long either of you can spare. Sometimes that’s five minutes, sometimes five hours. But you know that you need to be here for him tonight.

“As long as you need me,” you say.

You turn around to pick up your drinks (a decaf caramel latte for Felix and a black milk tea for yourself), and you don't see the way his smile comes back a little bigger the second time, the way his cheeks warm slightly under the moonlight.

There’s a small park a few blocks behind your apartment. Granted, it's not a very good park, with only a tiny, sad playground and very little foliage, but it is an excellent stargazing spot, due to it being so dark and desolate. You and Felix decide to head there now, your arms touching as you walk through the quiet residential area.

Ten minutes later, blades of grass are poking the back of your head, and directly above you is a sea of scattered stars, flickering like millions of faulty flashlights. Felix’s voice is leaden when he starts to speak, breaking the park’s fragile silence. He tells you about his fears, about how earlier today they overwhelmed him so much that he wanted to lock himself away from the world and throw away the key. He tells you about his dreams, about how even in his relentless pursuit of them they sometimes still feel as amorphous and unattainable as fragments of mist.

The way he always does when he’s around you, Felix spills parts of himself that he never thought he could entrust to anyone. And you don’t say a word, your knee leaning against his, listening, understanding. (But you wish you could tell him a lot of things: that you care for him more than you ever believed yourself capable; that you hope for his happiness more than your own; that you don’t have the words to heal him, but you would give anything to find them.)

By the time the two of you leave the park, it’s almost midnight, and the streets have fallen silent save for the occasional whoosh of car wheels on cement and the distant lamentations of cricket choirs. You’re making small talk now, and Felix is smiling a little easier. It seems your conversation worked in cheering him up; a temporary fix, you’re sure, like a bandaid where stitches should be, but seeing his eyes crinkle and hearing his laugh again is enough to soothe your worry for the rest of the night, at the very least.

“You’re sure you’ll be okay going back yourself?” You ask once the two of you reach the entrance to your apartment building.

“Yeah, of course.” Felix touches the back of his neck apologetically. “I’m sorry I kept you out so late.”

“Nonsense, Lix. I’m always here for you.”

Felix averts his eyes to his shoes, and you’re caught off guard by his facial expression: exhausted but contemplative, and possessing a sense of tenderness. It is a look that you don’t think you’ve seen before, and you feel your heartstrings pull at its unfamiliarity, its strange softness.

You say your goodbyes, but your "let me know when you get home safe" is cut short when you feel a hand catch your wrist, just as you’re entering the building.

How Felix doesn’t notice your frantic pulse beneath his touch is beyond you, but instead he parts his lips, and his next words resound in your mind as you try and fail to fall asleep that night.

“I can’t explain why, or how—but I feel braver when I’m with you, Y/N. I meant to tell you that earlier.”

And those three words rush to your mind fleetingly, like saltwater crashing against the shores of your mind. Even when the tide has subsided, they remain on the sand, waiting to be read aloud.

“Thank you,” Felix mumbles, “for everything.”

You don’t read out those words, of course. Instead, you reach up to squish Felix’s face and call him a sentimental dork, to which he rolls his eyes affectionately and bats you away, and the moment is over. But when you turn to go, your heart is pounding so loudly that your reply may as well have been a confession.

Three. You sink into your mattress, careful to keep your tea within your mug’s rim, and let out a hybrid of a groan and a sigh that is strikingly reminiscent of an old man lowering himself into a worn armchair.

You can’t remember the last time you had a cold this terrible. It feels as if your lungs took a plunge in a vat of wet cement and then rolled around in gravel immediately afterward. And it’s got you in the mood to do nothing but listen to the heavy drops of rain knocking against your window, curl up with a good show and a hot drink, and bask in your own congestion.

But then your phone, which you left in the bathroom, emits four deafening notification sounds, and you haul yourself back out of bed with a groan-sigh that’s twice as anguished as the last.

When you reach the hellish device, your best friend’s name greets you, and your ire dissipates momentarily.

From: Lix 🐣 Hey hey From: Lix 🐣 We still on for dinner tonight? From: Lix 🐣 Just gonna be me, Minho, Seungmin. Jeongin has a vocal lesson From: Lix 🐣 Please don’t play the “if Jeongin doesn’t go neither do I” card again I’ve had enough of it!!! ENOUGH

You let out a throaty laugh that sounds like one of Minho’s cats battling a hairball, heading back to bed.

From: Y/N 🌙 ahhhh i meant to text you earlier, but i have the worst cold From: Y/N 🌙 no clue how or why i caught it but i feel like fucking shit. it’d be a bad idea for me to come over right now From: Y/N 🌙 sorry :( can we raincheck in a few days? From: Y/N 🌙 (that way jeongin can come too!!!)

Felix dislikes this last text, and you snort into your tea.

From: Lix 🐣 Yeah, of course. Don’t apologize From: Lix 🐣 Do you need anything? You’re eating and sleeping well, yeah? From: Y/N 🌙 sleeping, YES.  From: Y/N 🌙 eating, not really 😅 but i don’t have much of an appetite anyways From: Y/N 🌙 don’t worry about me. i’ll be raring to go in a day or two

Felix starts to type a response, but the gray dots disappear after a bit, and you set your phone face-down on your nightstand. He probably has to get back to work, and you have to get back to your episode.

Slowly, the soporific fragrance of chamomile and the lull of relentless rain start to weigh on your eyelids, and you slump unconsciously into your makeshift fortress of blankets, your show playing to nobody.

Night has fallen by the time the door of your apartment clicks open, and Felix pokes a head into your dark kitchen, cautiously calling out your name. When you don’t respond, he slips inside and moves to your kitchen counter, where he unloads the bags in his arms. A spare key to your place dangles from the opening of his hoodie pocket. 

There’s a quiet knock on your bedroom door, another call of your name—infinitely softer this time, like how one would speak to a dove. But Felix finds you out like a light, even when he closes your laptop and puts it on your desk, checks your temperature with a gentle hand to your forehead. It feels normal enough to let you sleep, but warm enough that he brings a glass of water and two pills of ibuprofen to your nightstand, placed within your reach, should you wake up in the middle of the night needing them.

Using only the slivers of light coming in from the hallway, Felix allows himself to look at your sleeping form. Your breathing is callous but steady; your face pallid but peaceful. And if only you'd seen see the tiny, helpless smile that pulls at his lips; if only you'd heard the pulse protesting against his skin, yelling at him “do something about this, you fucking idiot, and do it soon."

But you don’t see or hear anything; you just speak, instead.

“Stay with me,” you whisper, and Felix’s hand freezes on your doorknob, his eyes widening in the darkness. “Please?”

There is a lengthy period of nothing, during which neither of you makes another noise; there is only the sound of your clock ticking, raindrops rushing against the windows, and Felix’s heart in his ears.

And then he moves.

“C'mere,” Felix murmurs once he’s lying down next to you, and you nestle into his embrace as easily as if you've always belonged there, your face burrowing into the crook of his neck, your arms winding around his waist, searching for him, asking for him.

Felix has always expressed his affection for people through touch, and you’ve gotten used to his constant hand on your shoulder, his leg resting against yours. But he thinks this is the first time you’ve initiated physicality outright, and he feels a concerned pang in his chest at your unexpected vulnerability. He lifts a hand to cradle the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair.

“Gonna get you sick,” you say with a wet sniffle, your voice muffled against him. And Felix presses a kiss to the top of your head, perhaps without thinking as much as he should have; but who can blame him for forgetting to think when he’s holding you the way he is?

“Don’t care,” he answers readily. “I'm not going anywhere.”

At some point before you fall back asleep, you think your mouth actually forms the words I love you, subtly and silently and into the fabric of his hoodie. But you resume your slumber before you can think more of it. (Felix waits until your breathing is steady again, checks your temperature one more time; and only afterward does he allow his eyes to close.)

The next morning, you wake to an empty bed and a Post-It note explaining that Felix had to run to a recording session: Check your kitchen! See u soon x. Accompanied by a small, messy doodle of a baby chick popping out of its egg.

Your face melts into a smile when you see that the fridge is chock-full of fresh groceries and the pantry has been restocked with your favorite snacks, including a batch of Felix’s world-famous sea salt brownies—accompanied by another note with another doodle, this time a crescent moon wearing your sneakers. Sugar is prolly bad for you rn. Pls have in moderation!

When you pull out your phone to thank him for everything, you see his remaining texts from yesterday—and you feel momentarily empty, as if only then noticing that you've been missing a fraction of your soul your whole life.

From: Lix 🐣 I’ll drop by tonight to check on you From: Lix 🐣 Wait for me, okay?

And he is right in front of you, just out of reach.

Four. “This isn’t a bad idea, right?” Chan asks under his breath.

“Nah, they’ll be fine,” Minho replies, clapping a hand on the leader’s shoulder. “Y/N will take care of him.”

A loud yelp comes from up ahead, and the men whip around quickly enough to crack a joint—only to realize that the noise was the opening note of DAY6’s “Not Mine,” and you and Felix have just launched into song so terribly and so loudly that it’s probably awoken the entirety of Seoul.

“And who’s gonna take care of Y/N?”

The two men look at each other for a moment before deciding they’re not interested in talking the two of you out of a disorderly intoxication charge. 

“Let me know when you get back!” Chan hollers after you, and they reenter the karaoke bar in a hurry.

The members decided to go out for karaoke after finishing promotions earlier that week, and Felix invited you to come along. And you might've gone a little overboard with the mango sake, but your level of tipsy is nothing compared to that of the blue-haired boy draped over you.

Felix is rather prone to hangovers, you’ve discovered from past experiences, so the moment he started speaking in some kind of nonsensical Korean-English mutation that not even Chan could understand, the members tasked you with taking him home early. Now, Felix has his arm around your neck, less out of affection and more out of a genuine requirement for support, doing his best to walk in a straight line. He hasn't stopped grinning for the last hour, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to run out of energy anytime soon, not as long as there’s more of DAY6’s discography to butcher.

In spite of your foggy mind, you're well aware that your best friend has never been prettier. He sets the bar high as it is, but then you throw in the flushed lips and cheeks, the lopsided, ditzy grin, the wine-kissed complexion, and life becomes terribly difficult for you. It doesn’t help that alcohol amplifies his proclivity for physical contact—he's been attached to your hip all night, holding your waist, pulling you into incidental hugs.

Needless to say, your current situation is a bit precarious; but you don't know that. Not yet.

The two of you finish your disrespectful rendition of “Not Mine” just as you pass the apartment’s front desk, and it is only when you see the deadly look that the receptionist gives you over the brim of his glasses that you finally feel sober again. You have the sense to incline your head in apology. Felix, however, launches into “You Were Beautiful” without a care in the world.

You dig a pointed elbow into his ribs as you hit the up button, and his singing abruptly falters with a pained huff. "Ow."

“Take an intermission, superstar,” you say. “The receptionist looks like he’s ready to throttle us.”

“Ah, he would never. We’re tight,” he returns, and before you can stop him he’s lifting his head, raising his voice. “Have a good night, Mr. Seo!”

Your nose scrunches into an apprehensive wince—but instead, you think you hear a hint of a smile in the man's cool reply.

“You too, Mr. Lee. Keep your voices down, please.”

“Yes, sir!” You and Felix reply in unison. Felix gives you a smile that says I told you so before he nestles his cheek against your shoulder, and you shake your head. Nobody is immune to the boy’s brightness.

Entering the building seemed to be effective in calming Felix down. The elevator ride up is silent save for a bit of quiet humming, and you finally see a bit of sleep on his face when you open the door of his dorm and turn on the living room lights. He lets you escort him to his bathroom without a word.

“I’ll be here if you need me,” you say, reaching to pat his cheeks a couple times. “Be careful in there.”

“M’kay. Thank you," he says with a drowsy smile, and closes the door.

You pull out your phone and open up your messages with Chan, remembering his parting request.

To: Chan 🐺 we got back safe!! To: Chan 🐺 lix is gonna be okay. i'll take care of him

A few minutes later, a notification appears at the top of your screen; Chan left hearts on both of your messages and sent two in response.

From: Chan 🐺 Thanks, good to hear :) you get some rest too, okay? From: Chan 🐺 Bro tore that sake UP

You begin to type back a retort—give me a break it was basically JUICE—when you hear Felix call your name, his voice muffled through the bathroom door.

“What's up?” You answer.

“I think I’m...stuck.”

Now what the hell does that mean?

“Can I come in?”

“Mhm.”

You open the door, and your attempt to suppress your laughter fails with flying colors. Felix is well and truly stuck in his crewneck, the gray material swathed around his head, his arms positioned in some kind of advanced pretzel formation.

“You are a hot mess, Lee Yongbok," you sing, moving toward him, and he whines from inside his cotton prison.

“Please don’t kick me while I’m down.”

Grinning, you bring your fingers to the hem of his top and attempt to lift it over his head. He’s managed to tangle himself quite impressively, and the next few minutes are spent with you trying to extract him, like he’s that one nose hair that your tweezers have never been able to reach, all while he's moaning and groaning about the fabric catching on his earrings, about his joints not being able to handle this kind of pressure anymore.

He emerges from the crewneck a while later looking positively disgruntled. You toss the gray mass onto the counter, proud of your handiwork.

“So maybe I‘m a hot mess,” he concedes. “A little bit.”

“That's alright. We all have our moments,” you giggle. “Come on, let me help you with your jewelry.”

For a second, he looks like he’s about to protest—but the look you give him reminds him that his motor functions are currently on strike.

“Okay,” he mumbles adorably.

You position yourself a little closer to Felix and lift your hands to the nape of his neck, where the clasp of his chain lies. It takes you a few tries to undo it, and you end up having to use the mirror above the sink for guidance. Soon, there is a soft click. You set the chain down next to the crewneck before your hands return to the sides of his face, this time to tuck long, light blue strands behind the cuffs of his ears. Your fingers run over the curves of his silver earrings.

“Are these bothering you at all?” You ask nonchalantly. “I forgot you had so many piercings.”

In your peripheral vision, you see Felix’s lips move, but no sound comes out. Puzzled, you move your eyes to meet his, and it takes you one blink’s worth of time to understand the source of his speechlessness.

Somewhere between your reaching up to touch his necklace and the present moment, you’ve come incredibly, dangerously close to him. Close enough that you can count the freckles that speckle his skin like fallen stars, that you can feel the heat of his body against your own, that Felix’s eyes are nearly crossed trying to maintain eye contact with you.

Your heartbeat lodges itself firmly in your throat, and your thoughts evaporate into complete and utter disarray. There are three differently-worded apologies on the tip of your tongue within seconds. You immediately start to pray that he won’t remember this tomorrow morning. And your strongest impulse is to move; to get as far away from him as possible, before either of you does anything you'll regret.

But there is something that overwhelms your every instinct, and stops you from budging an inch. And that is the way Felix is looking at you, unblinking brown eyes filled with something that doesn’t have a name. It is the same tender expression that’d surprised you the first time you saw it, and it is with a spiraling stomach that you finally realize what that expression is.

You reach your conclusion a second after he does.

Felix’s hand lifts to cradle your jaw, his face moving closer to yours. Your foreheads touch, wisps of his hair falling over the bridge of your nose, your senses engulfed by the vanilla of his cologne and the touch of sweet wine on his breath. The scene is as delicate as a dragonfly’s tail dipping into a pond’s surface; even a minuscule disturbance would shatter this limbo instantaneously.

A part of you wishes that it would, but nothing does. There is only his pulse, perceptible through the thin cloth of his tank top, vehement beneath your fingertips—and your heart, naked and frail, sitting upon the palm of his hand.

Felix doesn’t push you away; he doesn’t kiss you. He does something far worse.

“I love you,” he whispers.

A few seconds. That is how long you stand there for, with every word of every language you know inaccessible, every qualm and doubt and source of anxiety that plagued your mind moments before now distant memories, every ounce of your energy channeled into keeping yourself upright.

But the few seconds feel like forever. The same way he has always felt like forever to you. The same way you imagined you would spend forever loving him, close enough for him to love you back, but far enough that he’ll never know the true nature of your affection: greater and truer than anything anyone would ever call friendship.

An urgent question suddenly surfaces in your mind: is he still drunk? He was falling up, down, and sideways minutes ago. Surely this was an intoxicated slip of the tongue. But you discern the slight tremble to Felix’s breathing and the intensity in his heavy-lidded gaze, all far too intentional, far too conscious to be wine-induced—leaving behind one impossible possibility.

You should be having your happy tears kissed from your face right now. You should be over the moon, relishing in the sensation of two stars aligning at long fucking last, the way you’ve dreamed of since the very first time you laid eyes on Felix.

But instead, you just feel inexplicably and profusely afraid.

You won’t remember the specifics of the next few minutes. You think you stumble away from him and whisper I’m sorry through watering eyes, though you don’t really know what for. He sputters something in return, his tone so desperate and confused that you feel your heart break to pieces on the spot. You apologize again, leave the bathroom, and move towards the apartment door as if your life depends on it. In your peripheral vision, you notice the crease of concern on Mr. Seo’s face when you stalk past him, tears now flying freely down your cheeks. You run into Minho and Jeongin when you step out of the building, and you see the worry that creases their faces, hear their voices calling your name. Jeongin's hand closes around your wrist—are you okay?! What the fuck happened?—but you do not, can not say anything, not right now.

And then you are alone again, and you briskly walk the two miles back to your apartment. Your mind and heart are every bit as foggy as the somber night sky that hangs over your head.

Five. When the two of you step out of the restaurant and into the evening, Felix turns around to face you, launching into his best tour guide walk.

“And, with that,” he says with a glowing smile, “we are nearing the end of our tour of Sydney.”

“Noooo,” you lament, reaching your arm out. Felix falls back into step beside you and links it with his, the movement like clockwork. Your jackets scrunch up together where your elbows bend. “Already?”

“Okay, the tour’s been going on for two days and you haven’t paid a cent for my toil. Don’t push your luck.”

Your laughter spills into the otherwise quiet avenue, the setting sun throwing shadows across the cement, but it always feels like midday when you have the brightest man in the world by your side.

When the two of you discovered you had a free weekend on the same days, Felix conjured up the idea of going home—and suggested that you go with him. You’d freaked out for a bit, but then Felix reminded you that his mom texts you on your birthday and that you’re on multiple different subscription plans with his sisters, and you collected yourself quite quickly. There was a lot of cheering over the phone when Felix informed his family that they’d finally get to meet you in person.

But such a fast trip to the other side of the world proved to be no easy feat. Felix took on the task of piecing together a travel plan that would cover most of his favorite spots in forty-eight hours. The last two weeks were filled with him fretting over the details and you fretting over him, asking time and time again if you could help with anything, only for him to shoo you away with a single hand and a pointed “you are my guest. Now leave me.”

With assistance from every other resource at his disposal, though, he pulled it off, and the weekend has been wonderful thus far.

“I think that was some of the best food I’ve ever had, seriously,” you hum. “I’ll be dreaming about those appetizers for the rest of my life.”

“I'm glad. It took a Socratic seminar to choose the place, after all."

(The Socratic seminar in question: a two-hour FaceTime call and an intense match of rock-paper-scissors between him and his siblings, aimed to decide on where Felix would take you for dinner the second night. Only for his mom to ignore all of their efforts and insist upon her own choice of restaurant instead—no ifs, ands, or buts.)

“We have to try your sisters’ recommendations the next time I visit, don’t we?”

“Yes," he returns, shuddering. "I think my family is done for if we don’t."

He has one place left to take you, and the two of you head there now, shoulder to shoulder, arm in arm.

A month has passed since that night.

You’ve tried with every fiber of your being to put the whole thing from your mind, of course to no avail. You see Felix’s flushed lips and gentle gaze every time you blink; you hear his “I love you” every time you’re alone, the words whispered in the wind and dragged over the earth, in tandem with your footsteps.

You wanted to fucking die of awkwardness in the few days following, but it was never an option for you to avoid Felix for long. The two of you still went on convenience store runs together; still met up for coffee before work; still continued your business as usual, against all odds. And you owed it all to Felix and how he knows you better than you know yourself. He didn’t try to talk to you when he sensed that you had nothing to say; nor did he try to bring you back when you felt miles away. He would just silently slip a pack of your favorite cookies into your grocery basket or order your drink on your behalf.

Felix had questions and wanted answers; there was no doubt about that. But he held his tongue, granted you as much space as you needed to come back to him. And you did, in your gradual, meticulous way.

You’re finally going to bring it up tonight. You’ve planned to since the day you confirmed the trip, and you hope that the final stop of the tour will be the perfect place to bite the bullet.

“We’re here,” Felix says.

The two of you have arrived at the bank of a wide river, and you’re at a temporary loss for words. To your right is a bridge that spans the distance of the water, and to your left is a stunning, panoramic view of the city of Sydney. Twilight has turned the buildings into dark silhouettes against the autumn sunset, and the water reminds you of a palette of oil paints with how it reflects the pinks and oranges in the sky.

Felix feels you tighten your hold around his arm, and he smiles when he sees the wonder in your eyes. He wishes he could see this place for the first time again.

“Not bad, huh?”

“No,” you murmur. “Not at all.”

“C’mon.”

Felix leads you to the center of the bridge, where he props his elbows atop the metal railing and looks over the water. You join him and pull out your phone, but no settings or adjustments render your camera capable of capturing the landscape's beauty.

(Until Felix throws up a peace sign and pokes his head into the corner of your frame. Then it stands a fighting chance.)

“What is this place?” You ask, your shoulder touching his when you also lean over the railing. “Why are we the only ones here?”

“Crazy, right?” Felix says proudly. “I dunno. I think it might be private property, or something. But it’s only a few blocks away from my house and on the way I used to take to school, so I used to come here all the time, always around this time of day.”

Felix’s gaze moves over the sky, oblivious to the fact that his eyes hold whole rainbows of their own.

“There was never anyone around, but I could still hear the birds chirping and the wind in the leaves. It felt like a corner of the world had been sealed off just for me. I’m glad to see that nothing’s changed.”

Some time passes, and Felix tells you more stories about this peculiar bridge: how he asked someone to formal and got rejected and came here to reflect on his actions; how he had to take two different buses every day because his school was so far away from his house, but he always stopped here to feed the families of mallards that came out to swim in the mornings, even if it meant he’d be late; how this was the last place he went to before moving to South Korea, because he knew he’d miss this nook of Sydney most.

Of all the places you've visited, you think this one will remain with you longest. As time elapses, the colors of the sunset augment and deepen, dyeing the world in ways that remind you of the aurora. And then there is the man, wearing a gentle smile to match his softened features, his voice to your ears what honey is to a sore throat, telling you about his past, letting you into yet another chamber of his soul.

You are in no way prepared to butcher the sanctity of this moment, but you know that you can only run for so long and so far. You owe it to him. You owe it to yourself.

When the sun’s final rays are clinging the faraway mountaintops, Felix lifts himself off the railing and stands up straight. “Ready to go home?"

And your hand finds his, the pads of your fingers cold against his skin. Felix is surprised at first, but then he sees the hint of sadness in your eyes and the tension in your shoulders, and he understands what’s coming.

“I want to talk to you about that night,” you say.

Felix doesn’t respond for a few seconds. But when he does, his voice is so soft and so infuriatingly kind that hearing it makes you want to sob.

“...you don’t have to, Y/N.”

“No. I do,” you return, startling even yourself with the firmness in your voice, "I don’t want to keep dancing around the topic, not when you’ve been waiting for as long as you have.”

You feel Felix’s gaze on your face, as if he’s trying to read between your lines, and then he yields with a slight incline of his head.

“Okay.” And the stage is yours.

You don't start talking right away, your mind reeling with the effort to organize everything you feel and verbalize everything you want to tell him. It isn’t until Felix gives your hand a gentle squeeze—you’ve forgotten that you’re still holding his—that you feel rooted in the moment again.

It’s Felix you’re talking to; your soulmate, your sunlight. Nothing you are about to say will ever change that. This, you believe with every fiber of your being. 

So you take a deep breath.

“When you said those words,” you begin, and the words sound alien in your voice, despite how many times you’ve rehearsed this conversation in your head, “I couldn’t process a thing. I was so happy, but I was so, so scared. I’ve spent the last month trying to figure out why I was so scared, and I can’t say that I know for sure yet, but I have a much better idea now, and—it’s a lot of things.

“For as long as I can remember, I have only ever been able to love profoundly and deeply, with everything in me. And over time, I led myself to believe that nobody would ever be able to understand or reciprocate my love, not in the manner I want most.”

You feel yourself starting to waver, but you find strength in his touch.

“But you changed that, Felix. You walked into that café that afternoon with your voice and your smile, and suddenly I’d found you—someone who experiences life the way I do, who loves the way I love. And every day since, I’ve been surrounded by you and your effortless warmth and your beautiful soul. It was only a matter of time before I started hoping, constantly and stupidly, that you would one day love me, the same way that I—”

Your voice catches in your throat like a heel slamming into car brakes, “love you” hanging so dangerously from the tip of your tongue that you’re stunned it doesn’t fall out right away.

“But that’s why I’m fucking terrified,” you go on. “When you told me you loved me, I felt like I could fly. But I also felt like I was falling—and maybe this is because I was still tipsy, I'm not really sure—but in that moment I saw a world where we weren't there to catch each other, where something had gone horribly wrong and I'd wake up one morning and you’d—you’d just be a distant memory.

“And that was the thought that shook me so badly: losing you. Leaving you.” You’re crying now, tears paving golden trails against your cheeks. “For whatever reason, that was the first thing that came to mind, and it broke me.”

You need to wrap it up, and fast, if your faltering voice and racing heart are any indication.

“I meant it when I apologized to you that night. I’m sorry, Lix. I’m sorry I made everything so fucking complicated. I’m sorry that I ran away. I’m sorry that I hurt you, or worried you. But I want you to know that I feel more for you than you will ever understand; I just need a little more time to put it into words. So, wait for me—”

Your eyes squeeze shut, and you finally cave, your last word coming out in a shattered rasp.

“—please.”

And the syllable has barely left your mouth when Felix lets go of your hand, only to bring his arms around you and pull you to his chest with such urgency that the breath momentarily leaves your lungs.

When you fall against him, you fall entirely apart. You have no idea where all the feelings are coming from, only that they’re suddenly overwhelming your every sense. And you start to cry, really cry, your fingers seeking refuge in his jacket, in his hair. 

The sun departs at last, and night starts to fall. You lose track of how long you remain in this position, shaking with hushed sobs, fighting to regain control of your emotions. But Felix stays with you through it all, muted tears of his own intermingling with yours in the material of his scarf. He holds you carefully yet fiercely, like you really will crumble if he lets go.

And he waits, because of course he does. He would wait lifetimes for you.

One. The way you thaw is like melting snow.

It happens under your nose for the most part, but it is slow, sure, and irreversible, and you open your eyes one morning only to realize that the world outside has changed—and so have you.

You roll over and pick up your phone. There are unread messages from Felix sitting in your notifications, probably confirming the plans you made to get coffee before work today, but you put them on hold for now. Instead, you open up your camera roll and find an album, labeled with a sun emoji and yellow heart.

You made this a few months after you met Felix, and you’ve doted on it since, in the sense that you update it almost every day. Funnily enough, though, you’ve never looked through the album just to look through it. Maybe because you’ve never had the time or felt the impulse, but more likely because you know that the album is a visual time capsule of your relationship with the most important person in your life—which has never been purely platonic for you, despite how hard you’ve tried to change your heart.

Looking through it would mean acknowledging your true emotions, something you’ve never felt ready for.

Now, you open the album without a second thought, a preemptive smile on your lips. And you find yourself swept out of your bed and thrown back inside each of the pictures you see, reliving the moments as vividly as if you’re watching them on film.

This is one of your favorites, taken during a late-night tteokbokki run to a small restaurant behind Felix's company building. Felix was laughing so hard at one of your stories that he could only take bites of his meal every five minutes. His face had broken into a dazzling grin, his figure blurring as he lurched forward in his seat, trying to pull his hood over his face in secondhand embarrassment. Snap. He is always handsome, extraordinarily so, but you think you love the way he looks here most of all: every guard of his lowered, carefree, happy.

Another is from the first time you met Chan. Nowadays, your interactions with the boys consist mostly of running into them at Felix's dorm and making friendly small talk. But it's always been different with the oldest member. The first time Felix introduced the two of you, you clicked straightaway, and you had to have spent four hours after dinner just talking, scouring the city for something cold to eat. By the end of the sweltering summer night, the three of you were perched atop a short stone barrier in a secluded corner of Seoul, right outside the best bingsu place in all of South Korea. Felix had leaned over to steal the last cube of mango from Chan’s bowl, to Chan's dramatic protest. Snap. And Chan is like a brother to you now; you will never be able to fathom how much light Felix has brought to your life, be it through him or the people he loves.

A computer screen displaying a League of Legends scoreboard, in which Felix has died more times than there were minutes of the game. Snap. You (not sober) in the center of Felix's living room, your body poised in what is supposed to be the chorus of “Queencard," Felix and Bin completely losing their shit on the couch. Snap. His head bowed in anguish over a bowl of brownie batter after he mistakes salt for sugar. Snap. A low-quality, tiny Felix on stage, the brightest grin on his face when he finally manages to spot you in the nosebleeds. Snap. Your dining table creaking under the weight of all the gifts he got you for your last birthday. Snap. Him and one of your best friends from home, arms around each other, peace signs thrown up, beaming. Snap.

There are countless more, and they are all so incredibly near and dear to you, all thanks to the freckled boy in each. 

You respond to Felix's messages (“be there soon!”), and then move to get dressed. There is a new sense of certainty in your gait when you emerge from your building and into the quiet morning.

The weather is lovely, the fresh sunlight cream-colored against a cloudless sky, the light breeze shuffling the new leaves about. A hound’s ears twitch when you hurry past its home; it is too drowsy to investigate your presence further. The only sounds in the air are the chattering of sparrows in the branches above you and the soles of your shoes, moving quickly across the sidewalk. The wonder in the world is more palpable to you today than it’s ever been.

Soon, the chalk-written menu and hand-carved wooden sign of your favorite café come into view, and you open the door. There are only a few customers inside, and you spot your person right away: his long, dark hair partially pinned back, his figure flattered by a black long sleeve and jeans. He has a duffel bag slung over his shoulder, as well as two drinks on the table before him: one caramel latte and one black milk tea.

When he hears the door jingle, he looks up, and the smile that melts across his face is so fond that you can’t believe there was ever a time when you doubted his feelings for you.

The way his loving smile mirrors onto your face is as inevitable and involuntary as destiny herself.

“Hi,” Felix says, rising from his seat.

“Hey, you,” you answer. “Wanna take a walk?”

And so you do.

You link arms, as always; you try each other’s drinks, as always; you manage to talk about everything and nothing all at once, as always. But when his company building comes into view, your footsteps come to a halt, and your hand fastens around the cuff of his sleeve.

“Hey, Lix—"

When his eyes meet yours, the sun hits them just right, and you have not known anything as clearly and certainly as you do right then.

“—I love you.”

Felix can only stare, his eyes so wide that you can see the whites of them all around, his straw falling from his parted lips.

Then, a smile starts to creep across his face like spilt syrup.

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Lee Yongbok.”

He sets his bag and drink down on the pavement. “Again, please.”

“I love you,” you repeat, starting to laugh. “I love you, I love you, god, I love you, Felix, so fucking much—”

Felix brings his hands to either side of your face, leaning his forehead against your own. And this time, there is no hesitation, no fear—only starlight when he tilts your chin up and finally, finally presses his lips to yours.

Butterflies erupt in your stomach, hordes of them flapping so fervently you feel as though you might take off into the air, but you seek out his elbows, then his shoulders, and then the back of his neck, anchoring yourself to the earth, to him. Felix kisses you like he will never be able to again, and it is all you can do to savor how the curve of his smile feels against your own; how he murmurs the words “I love you, too” in between breaths. He tastes like sugar and smells like shampoo. He feels like forever.

© 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐱 (est. 090323) · 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤? please consider reblogging, commenting, or sending me an ask to let me know; or, read my other writing here. thanks so much for the support ♡

[totallyanfel]

❝𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙉𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍 𝙋𝘼𝙔 𝘼𝙏𝙏𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 𝙏𝙊 𝙈𝙀 𝘼𝙉𝙔𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙀❞ 〰 BOKUTO

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ hq x fem!reader. ft: bokuto koutarou

╰┈➤ˎˊ˗you jokingly say that he never pays attention to you anymore, now he's worried!

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ warnings: none except for tiniest bit of angst! but lots of fluff

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ 935 words, avg read time: 3 mins

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ a/n: this is my first time writing, and i never write for pleasure, or stories like these! so it might be really bad lol- but always give me constructive critisism about anything and dms/requests are always opened!! ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

────୨ৎ────

"bokuuuu~" you say, leaving the bedroom door to find your boyfriend sprawled on the couch, looking up and smiling at you before holding up his finger to signal for you to wait, the phone pressed against his ear with one of his streaked hands.

"movie night?" you silently worded with your lips, gesturing over to your bedroom before he gave a dismissive nod and thumbs up, focusing back onto the phone call. 

with a heavy sigh, you left to the kitchen, preparing what you two would always eat for the nights you'd lay on your shared bed, cuddled up next to each other while watching a move. that caramel popcorn that head playfully fed you, throwing it into the air as you two giggled at the missed shots and cheered together at the ones that made it. 

bokuto would always love nights like these and always preferred them, inside with you, over going out. he didn't have to share you while conversing with other people if it was some get-together or forced not to touch you everywhere you went.

Inside, you could cuddle, talk between just the two of you, scratch your hair, anything.

-

"this is so fricking delish," you said, stuffing your face with more popcorn as the bright tv screen hit your face, your hair tangling as the back of your head lay on his chest, sitting up on the bed. his arms envelopped you soothingly, meeting at your shoulders while you comfortably relaxed on his much bigger frame.

"hey, leave some for me-" a raspier whine escaped bokuto's lips, moving the thick arm that wrapped around you to reach for the bowl on your hips, before you felt his nose reach the top of your head and snuggle against it. he inhaled through his nose, letting the pleasant smell of your shampoo seep in as he couldn't help but let the tug on the end of his lips raise.

"nuh, uh! i made these all by myself while you were too busy on your pho-!" and almost as if on cue, his phone went off. both heads turned at the same time to the brightening screen, revealing a cute picture of him feeding you while watching your favorite show together, almost in the same scenario as of right now. underneath it was a message from someone that you honestly couldn't care less about, and he picked it up quickly.

"sorry, love, this might be important.." he subtly added, his once brighter expression muted as he brought the device closer to him. you let out a dishearted sigh, maybe exaggerating it a little too much to add on to your sarcastic comment. "it's like you never pay attention to me anymore.."

even the low mumble of your voice led him to shoot up, instantly tightening his grip around you, as if instinctual, and his voice was barely over a whisper. "what?" he moved his head around to try to meet your eyes, now basically "ear to ear" with him.

seeing the defeated look on his face, you realized he didn't see through your sarcastic comment, and trying to put your best poker face on, you tried to drag on the joke. it wouldn't harm anyone, just trying to see how long he'd last.

"yeah, you know, you're always so busy and all. just like right now, you know... your phone and all... you just never pay attention to me anymore." you lowered your head, some stray hairs falling down in trial to cover your face from the smile you were fighting, biting down on your lip.

if anything, bokuto pays way too much attention to you. you believed he'd just realize this was a joke; he was a clingy boy after all. whenever you'd leave, he'd insist on a hug, even in a rush. it would then lead to a kiss, and you perhaps being 15 minutes late with a few disheveled hairs. clingy bokuto was probably your favorite thing ever though. always wanting to be near you and never leaving your side for anything. so it'd be easy enough for him to see through your tiny prank.

"babe, are you serious? i-.."  bokuto lowered his head, his hair slightly drooping at the ends, and when you looked up, a small glint of sadness in his eyes shined through. fuck, he's actually serious.

"wait, listen, boku-" you tried to stop the joke right there, fully lifting your face before his hands met your waist, grasping you harshly as he flipped you with a hold so tight, as if you'd weighed nothing. when switching over to fully face him, he looked up at you, your legs wrapped around him, straddling his big "man" frame as he gave you a "little boy" pout.

"i-i'm so sorry, y/n... seriously. i never thought i'd be distant from you and all." bokuto's gaze never left yours.

a small pang hit your chest hard. "no, wait, boku-" you finally bring yourself closer to him, leaning closer to his face. "listen, i was just joking, mkay? you're perfectly fine; you pay enough attention to me!" you added, caressing his soft cheeks with your hands and cupping his jaw. 

"huh?" his eyes slightly widened, his head tilting to the side a little in confusion, causing you to giggle a little.

"Don't pull anything like that again, th-then.." he looked flustered, looking away from you now, half the sadness wiping off his face to your relief.

"soorrryyy~ i didn't think you'd take it so seriously!" you let out a soft chuckle at his tightening grasp on your waist.

"yup, you're repaying me for that little scare."

────୨ৎ────

a/n: srry if this is bad guys! anyway, yeah id totally see bokuto 100% blaming himself, even if he is like SUPER attached and wtv

wait now i feel bad cmere

[jesterlyboots]

Behold!! It’s almost Halloween, so I drew one of the fellas from welcome home that I rarely ever draw,, which is a shame because he’s so funky

Ft the . Very normal Barnaby caramel apple

(I wish I actually liked caramel apples but the textures are..….)

Next up is probably howdy… hmhmhm

[natokkiz]

hiii i love love loved ur mark oneshot 🤭🤭 if ur requests are open could you perhaps do a jeno or jaemin (or really any dreamie im not picky) x reader where they are just. so horrendously down bad for the cute girl who works at a coffee shop near them 😁😁😁 honestly idgaf if it’s Anything like that i just crave he fell first And harder fics

baby baby 그대는 caramel macchiato !

— lee jeno smau oneshot ☕️

in which, jeno can't decide whether he should follow his heart or his pending assignments (he's decided and it's not the assignments)

⭒ pairing: college student!jeno x barista fem!reader (ft. jaemin and renjun) ⭒ genre: fluff, smau ⭒ a/n: tysm for the request and for the feedback on my last work! i hope you like this hehe :)

[wwr-afterdark]

[princess--bongwater]

Drew this a while ago but forgor

[kobunnie]

fall activities

ft. kageyama + oikawa + akaashi + astumu

⤻ summary ; it's fall time, so what activities are you doing with the hq boys?

⤻ word count ; 1.6k

⤻ genre ; fluff

⤻ cw ; none

⤻ pronouns ; none mentioned

⤻ a/n ; my favorite season is fall (and halloween is my favorite holiday) - so since it's september already, it's practically that time so here's a self-indulgent hc ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

𝜗𝜚 KAGEYAMA TOBIO

his favorite fall activity to do with you is pumpkin carving

it's an intimate activity without being too high maintenance or energy

he enjoys going to the pumpkin patch and watching as you grab various different sized pumpkins, trying to find the perfect one for your newest carved pumpkin

kageyama also likes just being around you, listening to your stories from the day as you scoop pumpkin guts out of a giant pumpkin

he likes this activity more than others because he just likes to watch you and your concentrated face as you carefully carve your design into your chosen pumpkin

he thinks you're cutest when you're concentrated on something

besides, he also likes to put your pumpkins outside next to each other where they stay for the entirety of their lives, imagining that it's you and him together

you slammed your too-large pumpkin onto the table, preparing your tools as kageyama already began on his own. he watched as you carefully traced your design onto your pumpkin, admiring the way your face scrunched up as you scratched out a mistake you had made.

"ew, i hate this part." you scooped the pumpkin guts out of the top of your pumpkin, cringing from the texture coating your hands.

kageyama watched you intently as you carefully carved around your stencil, careful to avoid accidentally cutting your own hands. he was barely even focusing on his pumpkin, to caught up in watching you perform what you would call a mundane task. but he didn't care, he liked watching you.

"what are you thinking of carving?" he asked, scooping out the insides of his own pumpkin.

you looked up and winked at him, causing a flutter he felt in his chest and stomach. "it's a surprise."

he smiled to himself as you got back to work, humming your favorite song. the silence was comforting, and kageyama felt content watching you work.

when you slammed your tools down he looked up, almost done with his own. "what do you think of this?" you asked excitedly, spinning your pumpkin around with a flourish.

kageyama stared at the loopy grin and mismatched eyes of your pumpkin, a smile growing on his face. it suited you perfectly. "i love it, y/n."

"eeee!! look, it's winking at you, tobio!"

𝜗𝜚 OIKAWA TOORU

loves to take you to the local fall festival whenever it opens each season

his favorite part of the festivals are the games - he likes to win as many prizes as possible and give them all to you

even when you say you've had enough prizes, he'll want to keep going because he thinks the games are fun and he likes to shower you in gifts

it gets to the point where a few parents give him dirty looks because not only is he hogging the games, he's winning all the prizes

but he also enjoys the atmosphere of being at the festival with you

the smell of food is in the air and there are so many opportunities for things he can get you, whether it be in food or physical gifts

he also enjoys going on the hayride with you at sunset, turning it into a too-romantic event between the two of you despite the kids sitting across from you on the ride

"and that's another win for me!" oikawa gloated, claiming his small teddy bear prize and a free voucher for one caramel apple.

"you're stealing these from the kids, you know," you said, grabbing the teddy bear from him and putting it into your bag where three others already sat.

he shrugged. "i'm just too good at the games. let's go to the pumpkin toss next."

you sidled next to him, grasping his hand in yours. "what about we go into the corn maze instead?"

"uhm, that's how we go missing, y/n."

you laughed. "ok then, tooru, what do you suggest we do?"

he pretended to think for a moment, adopting a thoughtful expression. he grinned down at you. "let's go on the hayride."

"that's perfect!" you looked up at the sky, watching as the sun began to recede behind the curvature of the earth. "it'll be perfect to watch the sunset on!"

when the two of you boarded the ride, you sat close to oikawa and he held your hand tightly in yours. as the cart jumbled along uneven roads, you admired the landscape of the area. nature was always prettiest in the fall. you felt oikawa staring down at you and you looked up at him.

he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. "you are so beautiful, y/n."

"ewwwww!" the kids across from you exclaimed, faces morphed in disgust.

oikawa grumbled, "beat it, kids!"

𝜗𝜚 AKAASHI KEIJI

can't get enough of bingeing horror movies with you

loves the way you cuddle into him when you're frightened, and how cute your face is when you try to act brave

uses it as an excuse to be close to you

he also likes to talk about the movie contents with you

he likes to hear you gush about what you liked and didn't like, and your theories for the plot and which characters were your favorite

he always admires the way your face lights up when talking about something you enjoyed

he also just likes having nights in with you - ordering food and cuddling under blankets and pillows together

half of the time he spends watching you and your reactions instead of the movie

"i don't like this, keiji," you murmured from behind a pillow. akaashi glanced at you as you held the pillow tighter, attempting to use it as a shield between you and the screen.

he moved closer to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. "it's just a movie, y/n."

"yeah, but it looks so real." you cuddled into his flank, peeking above the pillow as the characters on screen discussed what to do about the mysterious figure chasing them in the dark.

akaashi smiled slightly at the look on your face. sure, you were terrified but you just looked too cute to him. your eyes were wide and watching, and your lips were parted in an "o" shape, ready to let out a squeal of surprise when something would inevitably jump out at the scream. he honestly rarely actually watched the movie playing, much preferring to watch it through your reactions.

you laid your head into the crook of his neck, taking a deep breath of his scent - it calmed you. you felt his hands rub your arms, a silent notion that he was there and protecting you. something jumped out of the screen suddenly, causing you to screech and hide your face in akaashi's shirt.

you felt his low chuckle stemming from his chest. "i've got you, y/n," he said, his breath blowing over the top of your head. "nothing is going to get you."

you nodded into his shirt, not yet daring to look away. he was like your knight in shining armor, you're very own protector. "can we change the movie to something less scary?"

"of course, baby."

𝜗𝜚 MIYA ATSUMU

will always be up for baking fall-themed desserts with you during the season

isn't that into baking himself, but likes to do things that you like to do, so he cooperates with excitement

plus, he enjoys eating what you make

also finds it fun when you experiment with new flavors and different sweet treats so he often sends you recipes he finds on the internet that you guys can try together

doesn't do that much baking himself, but is basically there just to be your assistant

he gives you ingredients, tools, reads the recipes, and taste tests everything you make (also everything at each step - raw batter fears him)

and more often than not, something tends to go wrong

"i'm thinking we make pumpkin spice cookies," you said, pulling out a large mixing bowl.

atsumu nodded, watching you grab all the ingredients you needed from the cabinets. "can we shape them into little pumpkins?"

you whirled around, an excited look on your face. "tsumu! that's an amazing idea, it'll be so cute!"

atsumu flushed at the tone of your voice, watching as you pulled out the recipe. he leaned over your shoulder, pressing his chin into the crook of your neck, leaving a light kiss on your skin. you giggled and pushed him back. "ok, so first, we need to get the flour and sugar."

"on it!" he said, saluting. you laughed at his antics as he went to grab the flour. however, his enthusiasm might've been a little too much because as he moved, flour poured over it's container and splattered all over the front of his clothes.

you stared at your boyfriend covered in flour, trying your hardest to hold back a giggle.

"are you laughing at me?" you shook your head, covering your mouth. "because if you are . . ."

atsumu reached into the container, grabbed a handful of flour and flung it at you. you screeched and covered your face. "atsumu!"

"take this!" he flung a little bit more at you, making sure you were covered in the substance from head-to-toe. "can't laugh at me if we look the same."

"stop it! you are ridiculous!" you exclaimed, trying to sound annoyed but it didn't work so well when you had a giant smile on your face.

atsumu grinned and pulled you into a hug, rubbing even more flour onto you. you squealed and punched his shoulder. "tsumu! stop messing around, we need to make our cookies."

"we have enough flour on ourselves to be the cookies," he piped.

you rolled your eyes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "whatever, now get me the sugar."

[tainted-liquor]

⋆✦ Keep Talkin' ⋆ [3.11.23] - ft. Miles G. Morales ⋆ Ingredients: Sugar, Smiles, and a lil bit of Salt! A/N! READER HAS A STUTTER. Please keep that In Mind.

“Miles, c’mon…get up-“ You chuckled, using all your strength to shuffle Miles off your body. “Absolutely not.” He blurted, somehow getting heavier than earlier as he further relaxed on top of your chest. “I-It’s almost the e-e-end…fuck” you sighed, growing more and more agitated by the minute. For as long as you could remember, you had a mind that moved faster than your mouth could deliver; words and syllables getting lost on the tip of your tongue every time you attempted to vocalize your thoughts. “Mamita, está bien. vamos, sigue hablando, It doesn’t bother me” Miles grunted, plunging his face further into your soft navy-blue wool sweater.

“Y-y-yeah y-you don’t, I do” you chuckled, feeling the air fill your lungs as Miles hoisted himself off of you. The temperature difference was terrifying; you had gone from a comfortable cozy warm to a sudden burst of wintery air blowing directly on you from the A/C. You pulled yourself off the sophomore lounge’s plush bean bag, stretching and yawning while Miles poured coffee into his matte black water bottle. The enticing scent of fresh brew wafted through the space, invading the senses of anyone who passed by the cozy lounge. “You want some?” He asked, pouring French vanilla, cinnamon, sugar, and caramel into the bottle and giving it an aggressive shake.

You nodded, taking the bottle from his hands and taking a deep swig from the warm cup of caffeine. “Aight, c’mon. You have class” Miles recalled, wrapping his arm around your shoulders as he guided you out of the dim and inviting lights of the lounge to the harsh fluorescent lighting of the school hallway. “Miles, can we go to…what’s i-i-i-it called…the cafe across the str-..the cafe across the str-street?” You asked, twisting the cap back on his water bottle and handing it back to him without missing a beat. “Yeah, of course, come get me after class,” he beamed, shoving the water bottle back into the side of his blue backpack. You said your goodbyes, slipping into the cold confines of your classroom while you waited for the rest of the student body to cram into their assigned seats.

Tension was high as everyone opened their computers, faces being illuminated by the ghostly white hue of their screens as they got ready to present their Google slides. You’d always been exempt from vocalizing lengthy presentations, but today you wanted to at least try to work through or around your stutter. You got up from your seat as quietly as possible before fixing your ash grey skirt and made your way over to Mr. Talgate’s desk. You felt slightly more confident, or maybe that was just the ghost of pride taking over you from Miles’ reassurance prior. But regardless of what it was, you wanted to present your slides, especially with how hard you worked on them for the past 3 days.

“Mr. Talgate? Is i-i-it…is i-it alright i-i-if I pres-present today? I’m really proud of my slides n’ I wanna try tod-today” You whispered, attempting to suppress that agitating stutter of yours. Mr. Tailgate looked elated, like a proud father who was ready to support his daughter with anything she wanted. “Yeah, of course! You can go right after…uh,” He mumbled, looking over the classroom to see who you could sandwich your presentation in between. “Lisa! You can go after Lisa. But if you ever wanna stop, just let me know…Make a time-out sign with your hands and I’ll let you go, alright?” He smiled, waving you off as you nodded and retreated to your seat. No thoughts were coursing through your head as everyone went up and gave their speeches; one by one, people’s names were removed from the list as your time to speak came closer and closer. 

You fixed everything that you could, reciting your I’s and Y’s and E’s with each passing second. Lisa took any final questions, before giving a warm smile and a thumbs up in your direction, mouthing “Good luck babes!” before collecting her computer and returning to her seat. You gave her a sheepish, lopsided smile in return as you prepped the small podium in the front of the classroom to present your project. You sucked in a deep breath, wrangling your thoughts and lingering anxieties before turning to face your peers.

“Hi! So, m-my pres-presentation i-i-i-is about th-th…the chemical compound Nitrous O-Oxide.  As you can see, there’s-” You began, quickly beginning to feel the epiphany of speaking in front of a whole class setting in. You were doing fine for the most part, until a random voice in the back spoke up, ruining the rest of your day. 

“Yo, does she always fuckin’ stutter like this? We can’t skip her?” He moaned, throwing his hands in the air like he was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Your blood ran cold as you shut your mouth and clutched the sides of the glazed oak podium. The class erupted in groans of annoyance and shouts of ‘Shut up!’ aimed at the boy as you quickly sat back down at your desk. Your waterline pooled with tears as the boy named ‘Kaiden’ was ejected from class. What a fucking loser.

You barricaded your face in your arms, the tip of your nose ghosting your desk as tears silently trailed from your eyes. The sound of whispers and apologetic glances in your direction went unnoticed as the tinnitus made itself known in your ears, flooding your senses as the pressure on your throat grew heavier. You struggled to control your breathing while you asked the teacher to leave, earning quick confirmation and a gentle pat on the shoulder from Mr. Talgate. When you finally brought yourself out of the classroom, you wiped away the remnants of the salty tears in the mirror that you kept in your blue locker. No matter how hard you dabbed at the trail of tears, no amount of recovery or cleanup would dissipate the feeling of dread that pooled into your stomach every time you went to open your mouth.

Anyway,

Thankfully, that was your last class of the day. All that was left was to find Miles and get some food, and then you could go home to your warm and comforting pink cotton sheets. Your glossy Mary Janes clinked against the pure white vinyl composition tiles, echoing through the spirit-painted walls as you advanced toward the sophomore lounge once more. You pushed open the deep grey sliding door, revealing your boyfriend with his legs propped up on the window seal. He crouched with his knees to his chest, one AirPod in his left ear as he read a bright red comic about someone named Spider-Man. His eyes broke their pattern of scanning over the small font and vibrant pictures, instantly turning over to look at you as he lifted himself off the window.

“Wassup, Ma…You out early, they let you go or somethin’?” He asked, giving you a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead. There was a moment of silence as you nodded with a small smile, earning a sideways glance from Miles. There was a thought that itched at the back of his mind, but he went against his better judgment and assumed you were tired and just wanted some food. It was all going fine until he realized that you were 2 minutes away from the familiar French cafe and you hadn’t said a single word. He missed your usual commentary as you passed by buildings, giggled about dogs, and pointed out signs that caught your attention. He glanced over in your direction, observing as you stared at the ground and fiddled with his bandaged fingers.

“You good Ma? You been real quiet lately… what's on your mind?” He questioned as he held open the glass door so you could pass through into the soft, dim, yellow lighting of the cafe. It was virtually impossible to get anything past Miles; he knew you better than he knew himself, that was clear. Your voice was barely above a whisper as you unpacked the events of 8th  period. “Then he said that I shou-shouldn’t be presenting,” you mumbled, taking a seat at the deep brown leather booth just by the back exit. The store was warm and the fragrance of fresh baked goods wafted through the air, something that could always be associated with comfort and relaxation wasn’t doing much to help you relax right now.

“Well fuck him. Fuckin’ dumbass ain’t even had the balls to say it at the front of the classroom…Kaiden failing his classes anyway baby don’t pay that bum any mind. His mama got 2 teaspoons of hair, Déjalo donde está” He grumbled, rolling his eyes as he slid you closer to his side. “Listen, don’t let them niggas hurt your feelings. He a fat rectangle with buck teeth, don’t let that motherfucker bend you,” He grunted.

“Now c’mon, I want a cannoli.”

Tags !!

@ashsostrange @chessbox @janaeby @faeriesoiree333 @fivestardior @an1bara @bachirasegoist @niaurluv @sp1derw1re @ban-al3x  @we-loveebony @kae2kaee @dxrlingcc

[wheeboo]

wilted | kim mingyu

SYNOPSIS. in which you've contracted hanahaki despite being in a relationship, and it makes you question everything. PAIRING. kim mingyu x gn!reader (ft. jeonghan) GENRE. angst, established relationship, hanahaki au WARNINGS. descriptions of illness (hanahaki disease), mentions of coughing and blood, mention of death, cursing, terms of endearment, miscommunication or honestly lack of communication, depictions of an argument, gyu is a little bit of an ass in this and i'm very sorry about that but it's for the plot, description of hospitals and surgery, unrequited love WORD COUNT. 6.1k

hanahaki disease ( 花吐き病 ) 𑁋 a disease in which the infected coughs up flowers due to unrequited love.

notes: this entire story was inspired from this post which i hoped i was able to stick to :)

A shift has never been this relaxing before.

Normally, you're used to the hectic hustle of weary students aiming to acquire their morning coffees before running to class and impatient corporate workers racing against the clock in the bustling jungle of the city. But today, the scene was drastically different.

The clear blue skies outside were barren of any existence of clouds, the sun rays pouring in through the café windows like warm honey and casting ornate patterns of light and shadow on the rustic wooden tables that filled the vast space. In the midst of this fresh and sunny afternoon, you find yourself standing idly behind the counter, fingers rhythmically tapping on your phone as you shoot a text message to your boyfriend.

[ 04:39pm | y/n ] gyu ! should i bring home something for us to eat tonight? been craving that gimbap from a while ago 💕

The message sends before your attention would be halted by the chime of the doors opening.

You've worked as a barista in this café for the past year while searching (or struggling, to be honest) to get a job in the field you sought for. It's easy to give yourself credit when it comes to plastering on the brightest smile on your face every time the bell above the doors would ring. You can be having the worst day of your life, yet you've mastered the skill of hiding your worries beneath that obnoxious apron and sage green logo-emblazoned hat sat on your head.

It's a bit different this time when the customer who walks in is someone you're beginning to consider a regular at your café.

"Ah, Mr. Yoon," You greet him with a shake of your head and a wide grin. "The usual today, I'm presuming?"

"That is, if you can stop putting down 'Mr. Yoon' on my cup than my first name," he responds teasingly, and it makes you lightly chuckle as you lower your gaze to start tapping in his order on the screen.

Mr. Yoon, as he preferred to be called initially as a running gag, had become a latest fixture in the café, like a light-hearted charm that captures the attention of both you and your co-workers. It's rare to see people like him walk in. His visits were characterised not just by his liking for the café's signature caramel macchiato, but also by the easy banter and warm camaraderie he shared each time he visited that makes your busy shifts a little more bearable.

"Okay, Jeonghan," You reply playfully, reading out his order even though you know it's correct. "One caramel macchiato with a pinch of wit, coming right up."

He lets out a chuckle as he hands you his card with a wink. "You're the best, you know that?"

You flash him one last smile before facing your back towards him to prepare his order. "Flattery will get you anywhere, Mr. Yoon."

You take your time in creating his order, looking up briefly to notice he had sat himself down at one of the tables in the corner of the café. You carefully pour the steamed milk over the espresso and caramel, and when you finish, you place the perfectly crafted caramel macchiato on a tray and carry it over to Jeonghan's table.

"Here you go, Mr. Yoon," You say with a smile, bringing the tray down and placing the cup in front of him. "One caramel macchiato, just the way you like it."

Jeonghan takes a moment to properly observe it, as if examining the crevices of each layer in the cup, before leaning back in chis hair and crossing his arms together. He lets out a relaxing sigh.

"Congratulations, you've earned yourself a perfect score this time." He turns the cup just slightly to show off that you've indeed put the order down under his first name.

You roll your eyes. "Well, I'm glad to have gotten it right."

"It's about time, don't you think?" Jeonghan queries, before taking a sip of the drink, eliciting a satisfied hum. "Mmh, but it was definitely worth the wait. Thank you, Y/N."

You grab the empty tray back in your hands. "If you need me, you know where to find me."

Jeonghan just shoots you one last playful smirk in your direction before you turn away to head back around the counter, pushing yourself through your next set of customers.

However, as time continues to pass so torturously slow, an unusual sensation begins to creep into the core of your chest.

It's like a subtle tickle, a slight tightness to your trachea that you merely dismiss just as fatigue from the dry air as you strap the lid on the order of a cup you're preparing. You take a moment to rub your chest absently, hoping the discomfort will pass, but it lingers.

Yet once you set the order down on the customer's table and dismiss yourself back behind the counter, you let out a small, involuntary cough into the palm of your hand. It's nothing, you tell yourself. You're probably just coming down with a minor cold.

But then, you see it𑁋a very small delicate, pale pink petal resting on your hand where you had covered your mouth, and that's when you feel your heart drop down to your feet.

This can't be happening, You think frantically. Not now. Not like this. You glance around nervously, hoping no one else was watching or waiting for you at the front. The café is still bustling with customers, and the regular chatter continues, completely oblivious to your growing panic.

As you stare at the petal, it begins to crumble, disintegrating into tiny flecks that drift away like dust in the wind down to the floor below. The feeling in your chest, however, remains, and it intensifies. It's like a weight, an ache that refuses to dissipate, and sets the adrenaline to your limbs as you dash towards the employee's only restroom, locking the door behind you.

You place your hands on either side of the sink, the coughs leaving your mouth now bouncing off the walls of the restroom. The coughs wrack your body. Each one doesn't bloom out a petal, but as you release one last cough, you watch as another petal slowly floats down in the sink below your gaze.

Then you look at your reflection in the mirror, and it reveals nothing out of the ordinary. No flowers sprouting from your mouth or bloodstained petals; it was purely only just... fresh petals.

Your mind runs circles. It physically hurts to even think, like twist and turns on an abandoned dirt road. If what you're suffering from is really what you think it is, then your thoughts dash back to him. To Mingyu, whom you've been with for the past two years, and the thought of him makes your heart race. Thinking about him helps just slightly, but not entirely, yet... what is causing this?

You're still in love with Mingyu𑁋you know you are.

You splash cold water on your face, trying to collect your thoughts and the pain wracking your chest. This can't be happening. It's impossible that you'd suddenly develop Hanahaki for someone else.

You quickly take out your phone from your back pocket, punching in your passcode and sliding to your text messages. Your fingers instinctively land on Mingyu's text thread, punching in words in a panic for some help. But when your eyes trail to the last message you sent to him, you notice that it was simply left on... seen.

That's when another cough racks your body, and you can't help but watch in horror as more petals, delicate and pink, fall into the sink, before wilting and crumbling down the drain. It felt like they were mocking you in shame.

Hanahaki disease. An illness described to be acquired from unrequited love.

The doctor explained the options to you: surgery to remove the flowers with the risk of losing your feelings for the person you love, medication to suppress the symptoms with the risk of some side effects, or the most common method𑁋reciprocated love. If the person you love returns your feelings, the disease will fade away on its own. However, if those feelings remain unrequited, the flowers will continue to grow, ultimately suffocating you.

And you would die.

Because that's exactly the kind of news you wanted to torment your life with. It's like a fucking parasite, a cruel insidious joke taking root in your chest. A fucking plant is growing in your fucking chest. Hanahaki disease was rare, but it had chosen you, and it had chosen to do so at the most inconvenient time.

You've heard the stories of the disease from the countless articles you searched on your phone the moment you got back into your car. You've also heard these stories growing up like an urban legend, even in its rarity, at some point becoming deathly afraid of it when you were younger, yet your own family had reassured you that no other person even down to your ancestors had ever been affected with the disease.

You're the first person. How fucking lucky are you.

You were lucky enough to catch it in its early stages, explaining to the doctor that you had never once had any other signs show other than today.

"It doesn't mean you have a lot of time to pick a treatment option," the doctor had said to you as you blankly listened. "I recommend getting it treated as soon as possible, no matter how early it may be, because waiting it out could be detrimental to your state. I'm going to prescribe you some medication to help reduce your symptoms. You can pick up at the pharmacy after this."

But you just... don't understand. None of this has been making sense in your head; it's just been buzzing painfully with confusion, and if anything, making you feel even worser than the actual disease plaguing your body itself. You've always been faithful to Mingyu; you've never harboured romantic feelings for anyone else other than him. You tell him that you love him, and he tells you that he loves you too.

Yet here you are, coughing up petals that seem to defy logic and the rules of this damn disease, trying to think of someone, anyone, who may have slipped past a crack in your heart somewhere.

But it all draws a blank, yet it's the only thing in mind that can be causing all this.

The doctor's words echo in your mind. Surgery came with the risk of losing your feelings for Mingyu, something that you couldn't bear to imagine. Medication can help suppress the symptoms temporarily, but it wouldn't cure the underlying cause. That left you with the most daunting option𑁋reciprocated love.

But how could you possibly explain this to Mingyu? How could you tell him that you were coughing up petals because of some inexplicable turmoil in your heart that had nothing to do with him?

You can't do this. Not right now. God, you need sleep.

"Gyu?" You call out, your voice echoing within the quietness of your shared apartment.

Stepping into your apartment, you're initially met with silence, but it wasn't until you hear a door shut that awakens your senses, and you see Mingyu stepping out of your shared bedroom. For a few moments, you let your eyes trail over him, seemingly dressed up like he was going to an outing, and you feel your lips twitch unconsciously.

"Babe?" You call out again, a bit louder this time, and it catches Mingyu's attention.

A faint smile crosses his face as he makes his way toward you, and for a second you can feel something catch in your throat once you can feel his warmth touch your skin.

"Hey," he greets you calmly, pushing away a strand of hair behind your ear. "How was work?"

"It was..." Tell him, Your mind urges. Tell him right now. "...fine. Nothing much today."

"That's good," he responds, locking the watch on his wrist in place.

"Are you going somewhere?" You ask him quickly, shifting your eyes up and down and over his form.

Mingyu's expression changes slightly, becoming almost tense, a flicker of hesitation in his eyes before it changes back to that lazy smile he had on before. You swear that if you weren't so hyperfocused with every fibre of your being pulling you back, you wouldn't have noticed.

"Just some dinner with the guys. Haven't seen them in a while," he responds coolly, brushing past you for a moment to grab the keys hanging next to the door. "Do you want me to bring you something back?"

You watch Mingyu's every move, the unease and some discomfort from the disease in your chest growing by the unbearable minute, even with the increasing tension in the room that's absolutely suffocating you at the same time. This isn't the time to let your guard down, but you're torn between the fear of losing him and the need to protect him from this awful reality.

But... he's going out? And he didn't tell you? Nor even bother responding to the text you sent him earlier? He was probably just busy, You think. Like he always is.

"No, it's alright." You take a chance and step up to him, planting a brief kiss to his cheek. You feel a little bit better doing that. "I'll just heat up something from the fridge. Have a good time with your friends, okay? I love you."

Mingyu smiles softly at your gesture, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. And you swear you notice a distant look in his gaze, or maybe you were just imagining things and it's just another symptom of this stupid disease and your fervent overthinking. The dimness of your apartment didn't help either𑁋his eyes just looked drained of any colour. Maybe he was just tired.

"Thanks, Y/N." He offers one last smile, but there's something lacking in his tone that you can't quite place, and it's anything but comforting you at the moment. "Love you too."

Your heart quickens just a bit at that, the corners of your lips edging up just slightly as you watch him. He grabs his jacket and heads for the door, and you're left behind in nothing but the silence of your place.

And all at once, you feel all the discomfort you were trying to hide finally spill out from your lips, coughs leaving your mouth like a downpour, each one a bit more painful than the last. You double over with one of your arms wrapped around you and the other clutching at your chest as if trying to physically grasp the pain and pull it out of you.

"Shit, dammit," You murmur weakly, bringing your hand down from your mouth to see a few petals fluttering to the floor, feeling the tears brimming at the corner of your eyes.

You bring yourself back up, opening up your bag and taking out the medication you picked up from the pharmacy earlier. Trailing down to the bathroom, the medication bottle rattles loudly in your shaky hand as you fumble to open the cap. The pills inside are small and white, and the label on the bottle provides instructions for dosage. With shaking fingers, you fish out one pill and place it on your palm.

Then you take a deep breath, attempting to steady your nerves, and then swallow it down with a gulp of water from the bathroom sink.

You hope that it will provide some relief, even if it's just temporary.

You don't know what time Mingyu comes home that night. You heard him come in, but don't have the energy to properly acknowledge him. So you stay low to your sheets, feeling some residual discomfort crawl back into your throat when you hear him open the bedroom door.

You wish he can hold you𑁋it's all you want right now. His comfort, his large arms wrapping around you like how he used to do so before, how he would kiss the top of your head and your shoulder before holding you close in his embrace, the way it felt so right and safe being in his hold because you know it's enough to make all your worries disappear in an instant.

But he doesn't, only sliding into the empty space next to you, and you're afraid that if he does it just might make you feel even worse. You barely feel his warmth on you. Yet you miss him; you miss everything about him. And you still love him. You always have.

You always will.

...right?

It's not right to tell him right now.

You certainly wouldn't like it if someone was staring at you, but you can't help it, not when Mingyu is the only other thing in the room you could possibly look at.

It's been more than a week since you found out you have Hanahaki. Each day you would wake up in an absolute coughing fit, the petals coming in more frequent amounts than before. The medication has helped to lessen the symptoms, yet the side effects are taking a toll on your body. You're constantly fatigued, and your appetite has declined just slightly. You feel like a prisoner in your own body, all because something beautiful and deadly is growing within you.

Mingyu still doesn't know about it. And deep down, you can't shake the feeling that something is... different.

He used to be so attentive with you. Now, he often seems preoccupied, lost in his own thoughts. He no longer surprises you with sweet gestures or random acts of affection, and the warm, lingering kisses that he would leave to your lips have turned into quick pecks on the cheek, or simply, just nothing at all. You hardly wake up with him right next to you because of his work, and the shared laughter and late night conversations have nearly ceased to exist.

You remember the days when Mingyu used to look at you with such warmth, love, and adoration, but the spark that used to light up his eyes has dimmed. You barely feel it anymore. His replies to your questions asking about his day are kept brief. You would excuse it as him simply being exhausted, but there's a persistent feeling in your chest, and it's not just from your illness.

"Gyu?" You call out for him meekly from the kitchen, watching as he doesn't peel his eyes away from his laptop screen, only lifting a brow up slightly. "Are you busy later?"

"Yeah, I am. I got invited to a company dinner later this evening."

There's a visible downturn to your lips at his words, but he doesn't see it𑁋doesn't bother to see it, anyway.

"Oh." You feel it crawling up your throat again. "Okay. How about tomorrow?"

Mingyu finally looks away from his laptop, his gaze lingering on you for a moment before he sighs. "Tomorrow's not good either. I have a meeting with a client, and it might go late."

"Maybe the day after tomorrow?" You suggest, some desperation creeping into your voice.

Mingyu seems to hesitate for a moment, and you hold your breath, hoping for a glimmer of hope, something. But then he shakes his head. "I can't promise anything, Y/N. I'm sorry. I'll be sure to make up to you, okay?"

That's what you always say.

Will you ever make time for me again someday?

You swallow hard, feeling a lump in your throat. The realisation stings, more painful than the illness taking form in your lungs.

"Okay," You mumble, your voice barely above a whisper. "I understand. It's okay. I love you."

A brief, long, pause. "Love you too."

But it's okay, because you still love me.

Then you find yourself swiftly retreating into your bathroom, heart heavy as you grab a tissue and let out a few coughs into the tissue. More petals fall from your mouth, before you crumple the tissue and toss it into the bin next to the sink, then splash some water on your face to hide the tears that threaten to escape.

You don't know what to do.

You can't even bother to see how much pills you have left because you feel like you're taking ten of them every damn day. You have yet to tell a soul, and you know that you should before it's too late, but who you can turn to? You have no one𑁋you can't even figure out yourself why this is even happening to you without feeling like you're going absolutely manic.

It's been hard trying to hide the fallen petals away from Mingyu, or away from anyone, in fact, and you find yourself coughing up more petals even when you're just in the same room as him. You always have to discreetly spit them into a tissue or rush to the bathroom to dispose of them, hoping he doesn't notice.

You hardly even see Mingyu anymore. It's either he's always called into work, has something important to do with the guys, or you feel it snaking up your throat painful enough for you to not make a move. The words stick in your throat, and the fear of losing him freezes you up. You can't help but blame yourself for being so distant around him.

If you've really fallen out of love out of him, if you did supposedly fall for someone else, wouldn't that mean that... you're leading him on? It's a thought at the back of your mind, but the guilt gnaws at you day by day like the ever-growing branches piercing through your lungs.

It's frustrating. All of this frustrating, and it's obviously spilled into your work performance as well. You can hardly perfect orders without making mistakes, and your once bright smile has faded into a forced, weary expression. Your manager and co-workers have given you concerned looks, but you've brushed them off, simply claiming it as stress or lack of sleep.

But it doesn't hit hard until today, because it happens so fast𑁋the metal tray you're holding loudly suddenly crashing down to the floor. One moment you can't breathe, and the next you're letting out hacking coughs into your hands, knees dropped to the floor with the spilled coffee staining your pants and shoes.

The café erupts into chaos as some customers quickly rush to your side, a hand still covering your face. You can hardly respond to anyone from the intense heaviness to your chest and dry pain to your throat.

You feel the petals tickling the skin of your hand, quickly crumpling them up in a fist and stuffing them inside the pocket of your apron.

"Y/N, are you okay?" a familiar voice asks worriedly, Jeonghan's voice, who you served earlier, and you catch a glimpse of him kneeling down beside you.

You can't look at him. Tears well up in your eyes, but you blink them back, doing your best to keep whatever you had left of your composure. You force a weak smile as you bring your hand down to the side.

"Yeah," You croak out, voice raspy and barely audible. "I'm fine, just a little dizzy."

Jeonghan doesn't seem convinced, his eyes trailing over you carefully. You only look past him and keep your gaze low, but it wasn't until you catch sight of a fallen petal resting by your shoes.

And he also sees it as well. Jeonghan's gaze flickers downward, his eyes narrowing as he spots the pale pink petal, and something in his expression changes.

Then he looks back up at you, giving a faint smile, yet serious look.

"Let me take you to the doctor," he urges.

"What? Jeonghan, I can't𑁋"

"I'm taking them to the doctor," he tells one of your co-workers passing by with a broom to clean up the mess you brought to the floor, completely cutting off your words.

You can hardly believe your eyes and ears right now. Your co-worker only nods and quickly takes over your duties while Jeonghan helps you to your feet. Despite your protests, he guides you outside the café, keeping a loose grip on your arm before you get yourself to separate from him in a brief panic.

"Jeonghan, you can't just𑁋just take me out of work like this."

He shoots you a bewildered look. "You're sick, Y/N. It's obvious."

"I know, and I'm fine. It's just stress and bad sleep. Please, just take me back to the café𑁋"

"You have Hanahaki," he says flatly and outright. "I've seen you cough them up. You don't have to hide it from me."

Jeonghan's words hang in the air like an anchor sinking in the ocean. You freeze, your heart pounding in your chest, and your mind races to find some way to deny it, to deflect the truth. But deep down, you know he's right.

Jeonghan, however, doesn't press you for an explanation. Instead, he takes you by the wrist gently and drags you to his car parked nearby.

"Jeonghan𑁋"

"I've had it, Y/N. I've had Hanahaki before," he confesses, a solemn look to his face as his words sink inside you.

You're quiet for a few moments as his words hang suspended in the air, a heavy silence between you two. Hearing that kind of news is from him is oddly... both surprising and comforting, knowing how how rare the illness is. But maybe just maybe, he might understand what you're going through, even if you can't seem to understand yourself.

Once you finally slide into the passenger seat of his car, you manage to get your voice back.

"You've... had it? I mean, just... what happened... how did you get rid of it?"

Once the car engine roars to life, Jeonghan just releases a small chuckle.

"It's the usual story: you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back. It was terrifying, you know, seeing bits of your feelings turn into something physical like that. I waited too long, so I ended up getting the surgery." There's a shadow of some passing tree branches that cast on his face for a moment. "They never told me the surgery would also mean that my feelings would completely disappear, but it was the only way to save my life."

His face remains calm as he continues to drive, keeping his eyes on the road while your own thoughts were juggling together like a tangled mess of strings.

For a moment, Mingyu's face flashes in your mind, and you wish he were here with you. But you're torn. You don't want to burden him with this.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," You finally say, keeping your voice low. It was all you can say at the moment.

Once the car stops at a red light, he turns to you with a small, sad smile. "Don't be. It was a long time ago, and it taught me a lot of lessons, you could say. I survived, and you will too."

Another round of silence passes through the car, but this one feels less heavy, more contemplative. You watch the passing scenery outside the window as your thoughts continue to whirl like a storm within your mind. Knowing that Jeonghan survived offers a glimmer of hope, but it also deepens your sense of isolation𑁋that you can't lean on Mingyu for support in the same way.

You don't want to lose your feelings for him. You've already built this start of a future with him, and you can't bear the thought of basically removing him from your life for no solid reason.

"I-I have a boyfriend, you know," You blurt out, interrupting the silence, hearing Jeonghan let out an acknowledging hum for you to go on. "We've been together for the past two years, and whenever the... coughing, petals, all this started happening, it confused me."

"The heart is a complicated place," Jeonghan assures you.

You faintly smile at that. "I still love him, I'm sure of that. I know I do. I've never had feelings for anyone else. I just... I can't figure out why this is happening, why I'm coughing up these stupid petals in the first place, and it's been eating me up inside. It hurts."

Jeonghan listens intently as you pour your heart out, his eyes fixed on the road ahead but his attention fully on you. When you finish speaking, he clears his throat.

"You haven't... told him yet, haven't you?" he asks softly, breaking the silence.

You shake your head. "No, I haven't. I-I've just been... scared that I've been pushing him away, leading him on and I don't know about it. What if... if my heart is just betraying me? And now, with this... I don't know what to do."

Jeonghan's lips purse together thoughtfully.

"I think... If you know you love someone, you do," he says. "But... what makes you certain that he loves you back in the same way?"

Jeonghan's question hits you like a ton of bricks. It's a question you've been dying to avoid for this entire time, a fear that's been lurking in the shadows of your heart and the deepest corners of your mind.

What if... Mingyu didn't love you back?

The thought startles a cough out of you and you hastily bring your hand to your mouth, suppressing it as much as you can, the fragile petals fluttering out and settling on your lap. Squinting your eyes just slightly, you notice how they appear more redder than the usual pink you were used to seeing. You clench your hand around them, knuckles white from the tension, and swallow hard. Jeonghan shoots a quick glance of worry in your direction.

"I... I don't know," You utter out shakily. And what if I don't want to know?

The rest of the car ride is relatively quiet with the occasional taps of Jeonghan's fingers on the steering wheel, but not uncomfortably so. You can sense the concern radiating off Jeonghan, but he doesn't push you to talk further.

"You need to talk to him, Y/N," is all he says after turning into the parking lot of the doctor's office.

Once you get out of his car, you turn back to Jeonghan and give him a light wave.

I know, You tell yourself in your head. I know I do.

You stare blankly at the dark red petal in your hand, its edges slightly crumpled from where it had been caught between your trembling fingers. You can hear the faint ticking of the clock on the wall itching at your skin, a constant reminder that time is passing, and you're running out of it.

Balling the petal in your hand, you stand up from where you sat on the bed and march out the bedroom. For a second, you felt like you weren't in control of your legs, yet you know you have to take advantage of the chance to muster up the courage to finally tell Mingyu everything.

Not just about the Hanahaki, but about... everything that has been suffocating you inside. It's all you've been thinking about for the past few weeks. When you step into the living room, you spot him sitting at your small dining set, focused on his work as ever with the laptop screen in front of him casting a glow to his face. He doesn't even look up when you announce your presence near him, and your heart clenches at that.

Taking a deep breath, you speak up, "Mingyu, we need to talk."

Mingyu doesn't look up, his focus still on his work, brows furrowing together. "Can it wait, Y/N? I'm in the middle of something important."

You hesitate for a moment, feeling something inside you wince at his words. "No, it can't wait. It's about us."

"Y/N, it's one in the morning right now𑁋"

"Do you even still love me anymore?" The question leaves your mouth all at once, and you swear it even freezes this exact moment that you are in.

The room falls into a suffocating silence. Mingyu finally tears his gaze away from the laptop, his eyes meeting yours. In that moment, you see a complex mix of emotions in his eyes: surprise, guilt, and something else you can't quite place.

"I..." he starts, voice shaky. "Y/N, you can't just𑁋"

"Just answer the fucking question, Kim Mingyu." You clench the petal in your hand, feeling its dry, sharp edges dig into your skin. Then you realise the harshness to your words, softening your eyes and lowering your voice. "Please."

The room seems to close in around you as you wait for Mingyu's response. His hesitation hangs in the air, and you see the way his shoulders slump and the way his face contorts as he struggles to find the right words to say to just a simple question.

"I... I don't know, Y/N."

His words stab your heart. It's getting hard to breathe, but you can't let yourself cough now. Not in this moment. The petal in your hand crumples into dust as you clench it tighter.

"What the hell do you mean, you don't know?" Your voice trembles as you ask, searching his eyes for any sign of reassurance. "You either love me or you don't, just tell me, for God's sake."

Your frustration is evident, tone catching him off-guard. Mingyu's gaze drops to the table, and he lets out a heavy sigh.

"...I'm sorry, Y/N. I-I'm so so sorry."

His words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. This is what you've been afraid of, what you've been trying to avoid. But now that it's out in the open, it feels like a heavy weight has been lifted, even if it's crushing you at the same time.

And then, you feel it𑁋a sharp pain to your lungs that makes you gasp as if you've been stabbed by a searing blade. The room spins as you struggle to catch your breath, your hands trembling as you clutch your chest, letting out harrowing coughs after coughs. Mingyu jumps up from his seat, immediately racing to your side.

"Y/N?! Shit, Y/N, you're bleeding𑁋"

You can't respond, the pain in your chest and the taste of blood in your mouth overwhelming your senses. You hold onto him for support as another bout of coughing consumes you. This isn't how you wanted to reveal your condition to him, but there's no hiding it now.

You feel the way Mingyu scoops you into his arms, the blood from your mouth and the petals staining his shirt as he reaches for his phone to dial emergency services. His voice is helpless and frantic, and within seconds, minutes, maybe even whole hour, you hear the distant wail of approaching sirens.

The soft hum of machines echo through the air as you stir awake, eyes fluttering open and the blinding white lights above blurring your vision. The first sensation that you register was the overwhelming scent of disinfectant filling your nose, sharp and pungent. Then came the dull ache in your chest that makes your breath quietly hitch.

Blinking your eyes open, you realise you're in a hospital room, the pale morning light filtering through the curtains. The sight of white walls and strange medical equipment, an IV line running into your arm, makes your heart race anxiously. You try to take a deep breath, but then you feel that ache in your chest again, and it makes you groan.

Just then at that moment, a young looking nurse enters the room, her eyes widening when she catches sight of you awake and distressed.

"Easy now," she says, rushing to your side and gently pushing you back down onto the bed. "You've just had surgery. You need to rest."

Surgery...?

You could only nod weakly, your throat too dry to speak. You watch as the nurse adjusts some of the monitors and checks your vitals, making sure everything was in place.

"Everything went well during the surgery," she reassures you. "But the hanahaki flowers had grown more aggressively than expected and showed signs of piercing through your lungs. It's a good thing we performed the emergency surgery when we did."

Hanahaki... The word lingers in your mind as you try to make sense of it all. Memories began to resurface: the petals mixing with your blood, the coughing fits, and... Mingyu. It all seemed so distant now, as if it had happened to someone else.

"You were lucky that we caught in time before the growth would have overtaken your lungs," the nurse says sympathetically while writing down your vitals on a chart.

Lucky. How ironic. You were alive, yes, but at what cost? You couldn't help but wonder if the surgery had taken more from you than just the hanahaki flowers.

And then it hits you.

There's no trace of the pain that had clawed at your chest for so long, except for the skin atop your heart where you can feel the incisions. The hanahaki flowers are gone, removed during the emergency surgery, but there's something else missing too𑁋your feelings, your love, for Mingyu.

You feel nothing. No pining, no longing, no aching heart. It's as if a weight has been lifted from your chest, but the emptiness is... disquieting, unnerving, just a void, a hole in place of where your warmth resided in.

You're no longer in love with Mingyu, just like he is for you.

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[aureatchi]

⋆ 𖤓 𓂃 ࣪˖ BUT CAN YOU SEE IT TOO? THE WAY THE SKIES ARE TURNING BLUE . . . ft. OSAMU DAZAI

⟢ SYNOPSIS. a dream constantly on repeat…you wake up in the arms of your lover after weeks gone by not spending time with each other, greeted by the serendipity of the blue hour and his content, honey-bathed gaze.

ᡴꪫ a/n. schedule changes have caused me to wake up so early. + i haven’t been able to rest well lately so i dread getting up, but the one i do like is the calmness of deep-blue tone light seeping through the windows. :)

ᡴꪫ info. fem!reader. fluff; a pinch of angst. sleepy mornings. reuniting. poetic, yearning dazai. ﾉ wc. 1.3k+

Lately, the land of fantasies had appealed to you the most. Busy days without a moment of quiet serenity ravaged through your schedule unannounced, and before you knew it, half the month already passed.

The only way time stopped was in your dreams. Places where your life didn’t have to be so chaotic—you could control the fact you didn’t have work on a day; you could control if you wanted the weather to shower the blossoming flowers or have not a single wispy cloud in the sky.

“I have a cheat code to lucid dreaming. I’ll only explain if you promise to take me with you, though.”

Above all, you could assure Dazai Osamu was always by your side. That he did not have to leave for days—weeks on end for missions, risky missions. In dreams, he would never have to gamble his life again. Never would Dazai have to feel the level of heartache he was so familiar with.

However, not one soul could stay in the land of fantasies forever. You were soon forced to open your eyes to the empty space in your bed. Another morning without your lover and another lingering thought of being unknown to what he was going through.

So, you longed for the day you would instead wake up in his arms.

…

You were aware you were in a moment between unconsciousness and awake. Lazily, you shifted positions into a more comfortable one, but instead, you landed in someone’s embrace.

“Osamu.”

It was not framed as a question. Your eyes were closed, but you recognized his touch—the way his hands lovingly cuddled you, slipping under your pajama shirt to warm your back amid the bedroom’s intense air conditioner.

“Good morning, ‘bella,” Dazai said.

Oh, how his drowsiness affected his speech. His voice was noticeably a few notes lower than usual.

He moved his fingers up to your face to move strands of hair away from your features. With that gesture, you slowly opened your eyes.

A good morning indeed. You were not blinded by bright sun rays, but rather coaxed into soft, relaxing blue hues of aurora.

And Dazai’s charming face. He looked like a prince, even just woken up. Your faces both reflected the cerulean light in the room, except his caramel eyes that contrasted against it. You kept his gaze for a few undisturbed moments before he spoke.

“‘Guess beauty-rest is a real thing. You look beautiful.”

You giggled before replying. There was no way—you thought you looked like a mess whenever you got up.

“And you look handsome.” The brunette’s wavy hair was even more disheveled than usual, yet he somehow looked more attractive.

“Only because I’m here with you. I got my beauty rest because of you.”

He gently nudged his pointer finger on your chest to empathize. Meanwhile, a sensation of warmth suddenly flowed through you—a mix of bittersweet joy and affection.

“You were able to sleep?” you whispered.

“Yeah,” Dazai replied and then held up his finger to his mouth, as if he wanted you to keep the fact a secret.

He had been gone for almost a week this time. Who knows how long he hadn’t had the opportunity to sleep?

Dazai shifted, and for a second, you thought he was getting up to leave. In a moment of panic, you tugged down on his shirt to keep him down.

“Wait-”

“‘m going nowhere ‘bella, don’t worry,” Dazai chuckled, amused. He laid your head on his chest, where you were calmed by the soft beats of his heart.

“It’s far too early to, anyway. The sun hasn’t even risen yet.”

You slowly nodded. “What’s the day today?”

“It’s the weekend, darling,” he replied. “Even if not—I’d make sure you’d miss work.”

“I wouldn’t plan on going,” you smiled. How could you miss a precious day with your favorite person?

“How was your week? Any stories for me?”

“Lonely. It was pretty uneventful, too. I just missed you,” you replied. You inched closer to Dazai despite already being pressed onto him, nuzzling your face into his neck.

“How about yours?” you asked as his fingers ran through your hair.

“Don’t worry about that.” He couldn’t see your frown. “Just the typical mission.”

Still, he sensed your unease. He gently kissed your forehead. “I promise I wasn’t in danger. You forget how strong I am sometimes, hm?”

You pulled back so Dazai could see you roll your eyes. “Strong enough to beat all the big bad guys,” you responded, a statement he constantly repeated to jokingly lecture you.

“Exactly!” he winked. “To protect you, of course.”

He held up your hand and clasped it between his, once again making you re-realize the indigo light of the morning.

You turned towards the window whose curtains had been drawn away probably earlier in the foreday. The view was completely uniform in color—the sun had not yet arrived to paint the sky with various shades.

…

“If our love had to be described in a specific hour of the day, I’d say blue hour.”

You turned back to see his eyes on yours, slightly squeezing your hand. You had zoned off for a few minutes in relaxation.

“Why do you say that?”

“Multiple things,” Dazai smiled. “Such as the deep blue stretching across the entire horizon representing the depth of our love. And how the calmness of the hue reminds me of the way you never fail to give me peace when I’m with you,” he responded.

“How poetic,” you teased, but you couldn’t hide how touched you were by his unexpected sentiment.

“I have more.” His blush did not go unnoticed. “This time of the day is rare to catch. Only appearing in dawn and dusk and only lasting minutes—you’d be lucky to come across it. I’ve stumbled across the most gorgeous girl in the world; I’d had to have some luck. She’s more beautiful than the sunrises and sunsets, and I’ve never met anyone like her.”

Dazai lifted you up, and you straddled his waist. He moved his face towards yours until your noses were touching.

“And finally, in this hour, we are in between night and day. The moon is still visible, yet the clouds are too. Helios has still yet to wake, but there is enough light to point out all your divine features.”

He stole a quick kiss on your lips before continuing.

“A dream surpassing the boundaries of night. One that I haven’t woken up from. You remind me of this very moment.

“Do you know why I asked you to take me with you in your dreams?” he asked.

You cusped his face in adoration. Of course, you knew. He seldom slept, and in turn, he hardly experienced life’s gift of reverie.

“I want to be by your side wherever you go. In every universe, in every moment of time. Not a second goes by when I’m apart from you where I’m not reminded of you.”

You’ve had this dream many times before. A longing for Dazai told your mind to conjure him at a peaceful hour of the day, in the warmth of his arms. You’d repeated this scenario so many times that you’d sometimes forget it wasn’t actually real.

However, you were hit with a realization that, for the first time, this was real—Dazai was home; you would not be woken up to an empty side of the bed.

You knew this because, just as you recognized his touch, you felt seeps of rare vulnerability through his kiss. His human emotion of yearning your consciousness couldn’t single-handedly recreate—the warmth of his body and heart as Dazai pulled you close.

You remind me of this very moment, Dazai had told you once. Whether in dream or the present moment before you, there was something extraordinary about your souls. He knew every experience with you.

Dazai found wherever you were among the cosmos. He transcended night and day—space and time, until he would see your face once again.

He did not need to visit the land of fantasies. You were one already real, his solace and love.

i heard dazai cuddles w/ you in bed if you rb; reblogs are appreciated, they are what support me the most! <3

© AUREATCHI 2024. no reposts or translations. do not steal. support banner + animated line divider by cafekitsune; gradient line divider by benkeibear. manga header mine.