#from wanting a boyfriend to star in school musicals with to her and ricky starring as gabriella and troy

[goginaporter]

in honor of people saying that gina doesn’t deserve to be gabriella because they aren’t similar, I’m gonna do a post celebrating gina + showing exactly why she’s fit to play her. I wanna say that these arguments are pointless because it doesn’t matter if gina is like gabriella or not because at the end of the day she's acting. however, gina and gabriella are cut from the same cloth so onwards!

starting with the obvious, at the beginning of hsm and s1 respectively, gabriella and gina are new girls who have moved to east high. not only that, but they've moved schools several times with their single mother, never staying in one place for too long

gabriella encourages troy to do musical theater. after singing with him on new year's eve and then coming to east high, she sees troy's potential and passion for the theater and pushes him to do it. with gina, though her intentions are initially cunning, it's her words that keep ricky in the theater club, not his desire to win back nini.

gabriella is pretty resistant to forging close relationships because of being used to moving all the time, but meeting troy helps her to get out of her shell. the same happens with gina and ricky

both gabriella and gina have incredibly impressive accolades in their past (gabriella with scholastic decathlon and gina starring in annie as a child)

people often say that gabriella is very sweet and almost passive, the latter of which does not describe gina at all. however, gabriella never allows anyone to walk over her. additionally, gina is very sweet and I would argue is the kindest character on the show. below are just some examples of that.

the way that gina is with ricky deserves a whole post on its own, but the way she encourages his talent constantly throughout the series, supports him and helps him process his feelings surrounding his mom, and is generally one of his biggest supporters is so sweet I love their love :’)

her baking gluten-free cupcakes for the theater kids at ashlyn's thanksgiving party and for opening night, despite flying across the country in the latter scenario <333

speaking of s1 opening night, stepping into the role of taylor to help kourt's anxiety despite not being an east high student anymore

constantly affirming ashlyn when she cast doubt on her casting as belle

joining kourt and ashlyn to audition to counter lily's bullying, even when she could've auditioned alone and accepted lily's words that didn't disparage her. also her defending all of her friends!

helping to calm everyone down during the storm and organizing their response to ensure that they'd be okay

this one is kinda sad, but putting her hopes and dreams aside (starring in the musical, living with her mom, choreographing the show, her feelings for ricky) to make her friends and loved ones happy

planning carlos's quince for him and choreographing a whole dance as a gift for him

helping ej with the morning show thingie + encouraging him about himself post-duke

connecting nini with her music producer brother to help her friend with her music career

the grace she extended ej during their relationship throughout s3 (and with the whole date scenario in the s2 finale), including organizing a camp prom-posal for him

the mentorship role she kinda fills for emmy

supporting ashlyn throughout her ensemble crisis

changing the camp movie night to kourt's favorite film to soothe her anxieties and homesickness, helping to fix the stuff backstage for let it go after channing messed with it, and just really all of kourtgina's friendship

there are probably a bunch of other examples but gina is an angel and I'm sick of people acting like she's some awful person for the couple of things she did in the first half of season 1, things that were no worse than all the other main characters' actions. wrapping this up by saying that gina deserves to play gabriella because she's incredibly talented and will knock the role out of the park.

[inkbutterflyuniverse]

I'm still unsure about who's parents I like the least.

Honestly, it's between Lynne Bowen, Terri Porter and Cash Caswell

What Ricky's mom did: letting her boyfriend answering her phone, then showing up with him without asking her son when it's been only like two months since she left them, and knowing that her son didn't react well to the separation. She also left for Chicago, which is not close from Salt Lake City at all.

Then, there's Cash Caswell, EJ's dad. He called some people, pulled some strings, so that his son would be admitted to Duke, and then wasn't supportive of his son decision to take a break for a year and tried to send him to The Caswell Success Training School, located in St Louis, Missouri. Now EJ said in the song Speak Out "I call my dad, but never talk ; Can't ever say quite what I want ; No, it's never enough, never enough ; When the words just don't add up ; So I call my dad, and never talk". The lyrics reflect his relationship with his dad who is strained since he refused to follow his wishes.

And finally there's Terri Porter, Gina's mom. She left Salt Lake before the end of season 1 with her daughter. Then in season 2 she left her daughter behind because she wanted to stay. And she came back at the beginning of season 4. So if we do the maths, she left for less than one year. At the end of season 2, Gina waited for her for the opening night, buh she didn't show up and send her son to excuse her.

In season 4, she wanted Gina to be focus and said no boys. The mother is someone very ambitious who wants her daughter to go far in life. She's very happy that Gina got the movie. Then she meets Mack and her no boys policy is forgotten because he's a successful man, he's already famous.

To Ricky, she dismiss him because he's just an average boy trying to figure out his future, she doesn't care that he loves Gina. She's VERY happy to tell him that Gina got that movie, that she will go to New Zealand and insist that it's "with her co-star Mack". Yeah we know you like him and not Ricky. She's here to see HSM3, Miss Jen noticed that it was a big metaphor for Ricky and Gina's lives. But if the mom notices, she doesn't care. It's only after Ricky sang to Gina that he loves her that she's like "yeah maybe I can accept you".

A parent can not like their child's lover, but she didn't even tried to know him when Gina said that it was him that makes her happy. She was just rude without any reason. She liked EJ but she doesn't care to know Ricky...

None of them is at the same level, but they all hurted their child, they all weren't great parents and persons at some moments. They all hurt their child, intentionally or not.

Lynne is better than Cash and Terri, but do I like her because she was there to Ricky after his breakup? No. Because Mike was there all the time, he stayed, he tried for his son, even though he wasn't living well the divorce. Lynne just left, she didn't even tried to stay close to Ricky, she went to Chicago.

Terri wasn't physically there, but she still done things for Gina like their Valentine's tradition, and she sent her son when she couldn't come so that someone was there for Gina. But she still left for her job, and announced that to Gina a few days before leaving. It was the middle of the semester, Gina just got here, and she finally had friends and a project she was implicated into. She could have found a solution so that she would at least stay for the musical. She sent her son but Gina was still excepting her. The last time they saw each other was during the spring holidays, when Gina went to see her. But the mother wasn't able to come back just for one night.

And Cash at least let EJ go to college even of it wasn't what he wanted for his son. They don't really talk anymore, but he didn't forced him to go to his school.

Objectively talking, Cash is the worst, but do I really like him less than Gina's mom? 🤔

[jklovesfandoms]

More Saint Cassian Dating Choir!!

Specifically how they get together!!! Yippee!!!!!

So, a bit of context

- I personally believe that the entire choir gets brought back, they spend a bit in the hospital, but they are all alive

- Some people in the polycule get together a lot earlier than others

- Ricky uses a wheelchair primarily, but also uses canes and forearm crutches! Also uses an AAC device to communicate! He also goes to physical therapy to strengthen his muscles

AND ONTO THE CONTENT!!

Noel, Ricky, and Mischa get together first, specifically over the summer before the accident. They go on a lot of pool and picnic dates together!! (When Noel isn't working, and Ricky isn't in pt) They try to keep it as much of a secret as possible, since small rural town, going to a Catholic school, yk that whole situation. The choir didn't even know. (Also Mischa is still engaged to Talia, and she adores her fiance's boyfriends, like she ships it hard)

Ricky and Jane/Penny get together pretty much immediately after the accident, like within the week they wake up. Basically September 18-20th.(I personally will use Jane, bc I hc that she feels more disconnected from name Penny after the accident, and likes having a nickname that the choir and only the choir calls her)

Mischa and Jane get together on September 28th, and Jane actually asks Mischa out. Like Mischa drives them out into the country, so he can ask her out underneath the stars, and Jane beats him to it.

Constance joins the polycule on Halloween! They were originally going to invite both Ocean and Constance, but Ocean was "sick" (Ocean has a big fat crush on the rest of the choir {-Noel obvi} and was nervous that she'd confess or show her feelings too much) so they only asked Constance out instead! (Constance also has a big fat crush on her now partners, and Ocean, and had since the accident for most of them, or for Ocean, since she was 7) they spent Halloween making brownies, handing out candy, and making out.... A lot of making out. Ocean spent it in her room, wishing that she had just risked it, and just being curled up, sad in her bed. But also being too stubborn to ruin their night by showing up after rejecting the invitation. (When she was later told that Constance joined the polycule, she may or may not have cried herself to sleep that night, bc she also had a crush on Constance since she was 7, and quickly developed a crush on the rest of the polycule between the accident and Halloween.)

After that, Ocean really stops hanging out with the choir as a group. She stops showing up to the weekly 'post-death therapy sessions' which was really just the choir ranting about things. She obviously still attends choir practice, but instead of staying behind and running through music or doing homework, or even just talking to the choir about the rehearsal like she used to, she almost runs out of the choir room when they finish. The polycule begins to wonder if they messed up. Did they do something? Ocean still hangs out one on one, or sometimes with 2-3 other members of the choir, usually Constance, sometimes Jane, and/or Noel. Occasionally Ricky and Mischa too, but never the whole group. So the polycule devises a plan, bc everyone except for Noel still loves her romantically (Noel loves her in a "I hate you, but like I couldn't live without your personality balancing mine" platonic kinda way), and still wants her to join. So on the first day of winter break, December 17th, Constance texts Ocean, and asks if she wants to hang out.

Ocean joins the polycule on December 17th, bc Constance did a little tricksy. She invited Ocean over, while the polycule was already there (since it was winter break, they had been there since school ended the previous day, hanging out and having a very long sleepover/hangout over the break) and Ocean was obviously not expecting them. (I will be coming out soon with a whole fic about how this+Constance's invitation went, along with more stories, bc it's my brain and it won't shut up) She may or may not have a breakdown, bc she still feels guilty for the person she was before the accident, and feels undeserving. But she does join, and the poly! choir is complete!!

-

More will be coming, bc poly!choir is rattling around in my empty little brain, and I must write and talk about it. At. All. Times. I simply am required to, legally. Bc damn it, if no one else is making the content that my empty little skull is begging for, I will!

[everythingloureed]

Humphreys was raised in Bridgeton, NJ, and San Antonio, TX. It was said that the family were of part Mexican Native descent. An apparent trans child who played with dolls, and wore girls’ clothes, Humphreys wanted to do people’s hair. As Rachel she graduated in hair-dressing at a cosmetology school in Bayonne, NJ, (north of Staten Island, across the river from Manhattan).

She was a regular at Max's Kansas City, the hip and glam rock nightclub on Park Avenue South. She also frequented the 82 Club on E 4th St which was in transition from a transvestite performance club to a glam rock and then punk club.  The New York Dolls did their first show there on April 17, 1974, when they performed in drag, except for Johnny Thunders who refused. They were followed by Wayne County (not yet using the name Jayne) and short-lived glitter bands like Teenage Lust and Harlots of 42nd Street.

It was there at this time that Rachel met Lou Reed, the musician. Lou described Rachel in an interview with Bambi magazine:

"It was in a late night club in Greenwich Village. I’d been up for days as usual and everything was at that super-real, glowing stage. I walked in there and there was this amazing person, this incredible head, kind of vibrating out of it all. Rachel was wearing this amazing make-up and dress and was obviously in a different world to anyone else in the place. Eventually I spoke and she came home with me. I rapped for hours and hours, while Rachel just sat there looking at me saying nothing. At the time I was living with a girl, a crazy blonde lady and I kind of wanted us all three to live together but somehow it was too heavy for her. Rachel just stayed on and the girl moved out. Rachel was completely disinterested in who I was and what I did. Nothing could impress her. He’d hardly heard my music and didn’t like it all that much when he did. Rachel knows how to do it for me. No one else ever did before. Rachel’s something else.”

She moved in with him right away. He was then living in a modest one-bedroom apartment at 405 East 63rd Street. Lou had already written a few songs about trans women, and with the single, “Walk on the Wild Side” (which referred to the Andy Warhol-sponsored trans stars, Candy Darling, Holly Woodlawn and Jackie Curtis) had his biggest hit. Rachel was at this time oscillating. Some days she was Ricky, and others he was Rachel. People who knew Lou and Rachel used either pronoun. One journalist referred to Lou’s ‘boyfriend named Rachel’. Both Lou and Rachel enjoyed the confusion and further muddied the water by wearing each other’s clothes. She was street-wise and spunky in a way that Lou only pretended to be. She was said to always carry a knife, and was good in a fight – which proved useful when a concert at the Pallazzo dello Sport in Rome turned into a riot 15 February 1975.

Lou had been working on his fourth solo album, Sally Can’t Dance – the title track and spin-off single assumed to refer to trans woman, Sally Maggio, who was manager at the 220 Club, another trans bar where Lou went drinking. Sally would in the 1980s open Sally’s Hideaway, and then Sally’s II, again a bar for trans persons and with trans performers. However it was Rachel whose image was on the obverse of the Sally Can’t Dance LP sleeve, drawn as if reflected in Lou’s shades.

She supported him on some of his tours. In New York, they lived for a while in the Gramercy Park Hotel, and then an upscale apartment on East 52nd St at FDR Drive where Henry Kissinger, Greta Garbo and John Lennon had lived. In 1975 they began to frequent the rather grimey but seminal punk club, CBGBs. Lou was recording Coney Island Baby, released January 1976 and several tracks refer to Rachel. At the end of the follow-up tour, Rachel was mugged and assaulted. A doctor was called, who inevitably referred to Rachel as ‘she’, even though Lou was saying ‘he’. As Aidan Levy says:

“Rachel had been contemplating gender reassignment surgery, but the transgender rights movement had not yet solidified, and not fully understanding the nature of the decision, Lou was adamantly opposed to any operations, a growing source of conflict in their relationship”.

Despite this, a friend commented: ““I think that Rachel was the glue holding Lou together, or at least keeping him in the public view in many respects … I know that he doted on her. If there was a light shining, it was the two of them together. It doesn’t mean it was the healthiest relationship in the world.” The cover of Walk on the Wild Side: The Best of Lou Reed, 1977 is of photographs of the two of them.

Rachel acted as road-manager on the next tour, managed the money, and watched over the road-crew. They were in London for their third anniversary and ordered a three-tier cake to celebrate, and Lou gave her two diamond rings. He said:

"Rachel knows how to do it for me, no one else before ever did”.

However by the end of 1977, Lou and Rachel were fighting more and more, and frequently it was about the issue of transgender surgery. She had a date for surgery but backed off as Lou said:

“Well why are you doing that? I love you because of the way you are”.

The title track of Street Hassle, 1978, is about her, and an article in Rolling Stone referred to Rachel as the raison d’etre of the album, although in fact it marked the end of their relationship. Lou moved on, having met Sylvia Morales, who became his third wife in 1980.

Reed completely refused to talk about Rachel after 1978. He desisted and decided to go straight. Both his later marriages were with cis women.

Rachel died in 1990 age 37 at St Clare’s Hospital, which specialized in treating AIDS patients, and she was interred in the gigantic pauper burial site on Hart Island off the Bronx coast (which contains over a million corpses).

Lou died in 2013, aged 71, from liver failure.

LegsMcNeil & Gillian McCain. Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk. Penguin books, 1997: 154-5, 206.

Marc Campbell.  "Rachel: Lou Reed’s transsexual muse".  Dangerous Minds, 02.06.2013.  Online.

Howard Sounes. Notes from the Velvet Underground: The Life of Lou Reed. Doubleday, 2015: 182-4, 187, 189, 191, 192, 194, 195, 202, 203, 205, 208, 212, 213, 214, 215-6, 221-2, 226, 229, 235, 248, 269.

Simon Reynolds. Shock and Awe: Glam Rock and Its legacy, from the Seventies to the Twenty-First Century. William Morrow Publishers, 2016: 271-2.

Aidan Levy. Dirty Blvd.: The Life and Music of Lou Reed. Chicago Review Press, 2016: 221-2, 227, 233, 244, 251-3, 264, 285.

Corey Kilgannon.  "Dead of AIDS and Forgotten in Potter's Field:  In an untold chapter of the AIDS epidemic, scores of unclaimed bodies were buried in a remote spot on Hart Island.  How many exactly remains unclear".  New York Times, July 3, 2018.  Online.  

[dumdumsun]

Forever and Never

A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this series ❤️ I’ve had so much fun writing this and am very proud of and excited for it, I can’t wait to see how people react to this. Um I know there are plenty of warnings for a first chapter, but I promise it’s not as depressing as it sounds. It’s just that this story can deal with heavy stuff sometimes, so I just wanna let you know that. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, death, sexual assault and mental illness

Word Count: 3194

—————————————

One: Hi, My Name Is

“So, what was your time in Pennsylvania like?”

“Uh… I’d have to say it was the best… and worst time of my life.”

“Best and worst, huh? Would you like to elaborate?”

“Well, I, uh… I mean, I don’t really know how to, like… explain it. It’s a lot. I don’t even know where to begin… Or how I would even word it or anything.”

“Well, you told me you like television and movies, right? You know those shows and movies where the main character tells the plot as, like, their life story? Maybe you could try that.”

“You aren’t… You aren’t serious, are you?”

“You’ll know when I’m joking, trust me.”

“Oh… Okay, then. Well, um…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi? My name is… (Y/N)? This is my life story, I guess.

So, if we’re going to talk about my life in Pennsylvania, we’re going to have to start with my life in Kansas, first. I had two loving parents that soon turned into one at the too-young age of nine years, when my mom died. I remember her as one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. She had this way about her that was so carefree, yet she gave a shit about everything. You could never pin a thought to her because she never let you in on what was bouncing around in her head. She was stubborn and patient and lively. I miss her so much. I don’t usually think about her unless it’s a particularly hectic day, which I then resort to talking to the ring I wear on my left pinky finger at all times. Wasn’t anything special, just some cheap ring with a little emerald inside she found at a thrift store. It used to be hers and she’d wear it on the exact same finger. My dad said she’d want me to have it.

My dad is my favorite person. He isn’t the most… present, though. His mind is never set in one place, always racing with hundreds of unrelated thoughts. It’s why when you finally drag him back into reality, he can’t repeat a single sentence spoken to him. Regardless, he’s all I had for a long time. I never really learned what he does for a living, but I just know that it forces him to leave town sometimes. Well, more like all the time. Before my mom died, it was easy for him to leave for weeks on end, but when he became my only guardian, he didn’t really know what to do with me. It was like he completely forgot how to take care of a child, his child. When I turned twelve, that was when he started travelling again. I would then be home by myself for a month to eight weeks. In these times, I had no choice but to learn to cook for myself, go grocery shopping and housekeep. I became pretty independent at a young age. It wasn’t like Dad left me totally alone, though. He would call every two or three days and he sent me two hundred dollars every two weeks. Like I said, I don’t know what my dad did, but he was definitely getting paid. At the end of eighth grade, Dad had a particularly long trip to go on, so he sent me to Pennsylvania, where his sister lived.

Pennsylvania was partially the best part of my life because of my family. My Aunt Pam was like a second mother to me. She was never able to have another child after my cousin Jacob and she’s always wanted a daughter of her own, so that’s what I was to her. The daughter she could never have. I’d often find her staring at me with a bittersweet smile on her face, watching my every move with a sense of pride, but when I’d ask her what was wrong she’d only brush it off as her admiring me. My Uncle David didn’t necessarily view me as a daughter, but he certainly treated me like one. When he wanted to spend time with Jacob, he included me as well. We’d usually go on drives around the town, but I always fell asleep to the soft and serene music that filled the car from the radio. On the weekends, we would head down by the lake and spend hours learning to fish.

I hated it, but I couldn’t complain. It gave me a sense of certainty to live with a father figure who didn’t leave me alone every two or three months.

Jacob was like a brother to me. He’s a year older than me, which, to him, meant that he had to protect me at all costs. I always assumed it was because he always wanted a younger sibling, and I was the closest he was ever going to get to that. I always felt as though I’d never be able to equal Jacob on an intellectual level because he practically had the IQ of Albert Einstein himself. I felt inferior to him until I found out how much of a joy he really was. On the weekends, he would beg me to accompany him in a movie marathon. I learned that Jacob was a huge fan of Tim Burton (his favorite was Beetlejuice). He’s the only cousin I’ve ever known. Mom and Dad didn’t like each other’s families, so I never met anyone besides this little family. Moving in with them meant that they’d have this huge burden on them.

Yes, I almost forgot to mention that I struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. It just means that my mind is flooded with these crazy and unnecessary thoughts and so my behavior is affected by them. For example, if I were to blink and felt I put more pressure on my left eye than my right, I would have to repeatedly wink with my right eye until they felt balanced. Sometimes I can’t enter a room until I have inhaled eight times. If I scratch an itch on my left knee, I have to scratch the right one in the exact same place. At the sink, even if I don’t use both knobs, I have to hold both in my hands. And when I turn them off, I often have to check about four times before I am certain they’re turned off all the way. I know, it sounds tiring. Just imagine being on my end, having it be a part of who you are. I can’t do anything to stop it, I wish I could. I was always afraid to make friends because of this. If I couldn’t be balanced, I’d freeze, and I mean actually stop whatever I’m doing and stand still, until my body felt as if I were balanced once again. Who wouldn’t make fun of me for this?

Apparently, no one gave a shit about it. After moving to Pennsylvania, I made quite a name for myself at school. Literally. My name was Zip. I have no fucking clue how that ridiculous name came to be, but that’s what I went by day after day. One could say I was considered popular, but it wasn’t like I actually spoke to anyone. When it came to extracurriculars, I only participated in theatre. I never was part of the cast, just the stage manager. Secretly, I wanted so badly to audition and be a part of the magic they created on that stage. Not to boast or anything, but I had the talent and potential to be a starring role. But I could never bring myself to break out of my shell. Nonetheless, being stage manager still got me quite the attention. Everyone was always so nice to me, so I felt a little bad for not considering any of them as friends. That was until I met Dina.

Dina was new to our school sophomore year. She had this sort of light to her that attracted the pesky moths that were our dull and boring school body. We had the same social status in school. People liked our personalities, so we were well-liked and accepted without doing much to prove ourselves worthy. She was sweet and compassionate and so fun. I didn’t mean to become her friend, but she was so welcoming, despite being the newcomer. We became close friends, but not best friends. We already had people filling those roles.

Dina’s best friend was Sydney Novak. Sydney moved to Brownsville around the same time as Dina, so the two became best friends quickly, but Sydney wasn’t very popular at all. She was shy and introverted, but I thought she was nice enough. I liked her and thought she was a pretty cool person. We weren’t necessarily friends, we were just well acquainted simply because we were both close with Dina. The transitive property, if you would. I just wish we could’ve talked more, our relationship was pretty much nonexistent.

Speaking of nonexistent relationships, let’s talk about Richard Berry. I honestly don’t want to even think about him, but he played a role in my life that was too vital to just offhandedly mention. For some odd reason, Ricky Berry was absolutely in love with me. It was so obvious to everyone except for me. Sophomore year, he expressed his love through the most arrogant and cheesiest of pick-up lines and compliments. I wasn’t so easily won over, if you could guess. I tried being good friends with him, but he’d always fuck it up when he tried to initiate intimacy. I didn’t want to hold hands with him in the halls or receive “friendly” cheek kisses. I’m not what you would call affectionate, especially towards people I’m not close to. It’s just never been comfortable for me. Junior year, everyone around me was buzzing with excitement when they heard Ricky was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. The cheerleaders, who got to know him through his high school football career, constantly pestered me with reasons as to why I would be so lucky to date The Richard Berry. Granted, he became less of a dick junior year, so I thought, Why not?, and accepted. Being in a relationship with Ricky was the most one-sided… anything I had ever been a part of. He was undeniably enamored with me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to reciprocate those feelings. He would show me off to his family and friends like a trophy, but if someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I’d go, “I mean, yeah. I guess”, so not a very healthy relationship. It also didn’t help that Ricky knew nothing about boundaries.

One night, we were in his bedroom, studying for a science test. Ricky wasn’t focused at all and kept trying to kiss and cuddle with me. I let him for awhile, but then he took my book from me and set it on the ground beside his bed. He suggested we have sex right then and there. Now, I was never a prude and definitely didn’t wait to have sex for the first time, but I never wanted Ricky to be my first. He hadn’t earned enough of my trust to even touch me suggestively. So, of course I refused. Ricky only took that as me teasing him, so he advanced, nearly forcing himself on me. Using all my might, I shoved him off of the bed. He stood to his feet, utterly confused, but I only gathered my things and left his house. He tried following after me, but I ignored him until he turned and went back into his home. The next day at school, he was holding me and kissing me and showing me off to everyone like he always did. As if nothing happened between us the night before. It was difficult to do, since he was so inconsiderate, but I managed to break up with him. He tried to deny that we were Splitsville for about a week, but everyone caught wind of our break-up. Once everyone knew about it, it became true for him. I never really felt comfortable with being intimate or open with guys after that.

Besides with Stanley Barber, of course. Stan was my best friend in the entire world. I told only my deepest, darkest secrets to him. And he told me his. The only things we really had in common were our lack of mothers and our hideous bacne. Stan lived a few houses down and was eager to get to know me a week after I moved in. I’d never met anyone in my life like Stan. He was so awkward, but loveable. I don’t know, I guess he reminded me of my mom. The way he didn’t care, but he so clearly did. Whenever I wanted to talk about something that was difficult to voice, we’d smoke to ease the tension. Of course, this wasn’t how we always communicated. Despite his nervous stuttering, he was easy to open up to. Stan provided a sort of security in my life. He was never going to leave me and that put me at ease when hanging out with him, which we did regularly. I don’t know when exactly I developed a crush on him, but I never wanted it to surface in our bond. He was to never know. It was just a stupid crush, right? He was a guy who wasn’t family and was so unbelievably caring towards me. It was bound to happen, but that didn’t mean he had to be aware of it. Though, it was a little hard to keep such a secret when we’d both made out twice already. The first time was while I was dating Ricky, the kiss was very awkward and ended after about a minute and a half. The second kiss was just half a week after my breakup. That time, we’d both known what we were doing. And I may be a little biased, but you couldn’t have even thought to fake the passion in that makeout session. We never talked about either of those kisses and remained friends both times. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me that we didn’t become anything more afterwards. It was for the best, though, because two weeks before spring break, my dad returned from his job in Georgia and moved me to Kansas again. The move was so abrupt that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to anyone besides my family.

My life in Kansas for the second time was something I’d never want to experience ever again. Since it was a little late in the year, I finished junior year online. For some unexplained reason, my dad had us get new phones and new numbers, so I lost all contact with my friends. I had no one to talk to and it wasn’t like my dad paid much attention to me. I remember spending every waking moment with him when I was younger, talking or playing games or watching television. It used to be so fun being his daughter, but when we moved back to Kansas, I just felt like this huge burden in his life. Our relationship was strained and he clearly had other priorities in his life. Like whatever he left back in Georgia. I’d see his phone ring and the same number from that state would pop up before he’d leave the room and privately talk with whoever. It wasn’t the secrecy that was off-putting to me, it was the fact that it was so much more important to him. Once again, I was ignored by the one person in my life I wanted to spend the most time with. So, you can imagine the joy I felt when Dad had to go back to Georgia for work. I had been attending public school for my senior year and left not even a full month in. It didn’t bother me, I had no friends and nothing to leave behind. Mid-September was when I moved back to Brownsville with Aunt Pam. Everyone accepted me right back in. Especially my classmates. As I walked the halls I heard whispers like,

“Oh, my god, is that Zip?”

“Zip’s back! Where’d she even go?”

“I thought she died.”

The only person I really wanted to notice me was Stan. I missed him so much, I even got into his favorite band to have something to remember him by. I remember the day I got back to my aunt’s house. Jacob had picked me up from the airport and was driving me to the house. He was attending community college, but was still living with his parents. As we drove, he tapped his index fingers rhythmically to the shitty pop music that played on the radio. “So, what are you excited about for senior year?”

“Not much, I just missed Dina and Stan. Theatre, too. I wonder how they’ve been doing without me.” I chuckled. Jacob huffed in amusement.

“But you didn’t miss Ricky?”

“Fuck, Jake, you know I didn’t miss him for a second.” I frowned, waving my hand in dismissal. My cousin tauntingly laughed at me. Had he actually known about what happened between Ricky and I, he wouldn’t have teased me. In fact, Ricky wouldn’t even be alive that day if Jacob found out. No one knew about the incident, not even Stan.

Pulling up in front of the house, we got out of the car and headed to the trunk to pull out my bags. I tried carrying them in, but Jacob insisted that he do all the heavy lifting and simply asked me to carry my backpack and close the trunk. I did what little I was asked of and headed to the front door to greet my aunt and uncle inside, but stopped. In the corner of my eye, I saw movement from the Barber residence. Turning, my eyes locked on Stanley, who was frozen beside his car. He was wearing his work uniform and staring at me with the most bewildered expression on his face. It was like he thought himself to be hallucinating my existence. Smiling, I simply waved at him before walking back inside. When he got home from work that night, he headed over to my house and knocked on the door. I answered with a grin on my face. “Stan!”

“If it isn’t the famous Zip, showing back up in my life.”

“Ugh, do not call me that.” I rolled my eyes playfully before bringing him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin at the top of my head. I would’ve stayed there all night if I could’ve. When Stanley pulled away, my heart hollowed and a pit formed within my stomach. I felt unfinished, unbalanced. And I hate imbalance. He asked if I wanted to hang out and I accepted his offer. All we did was lay on his floor, listen to music and get high, but in that moment, that’s all I needed.

Bloodwitch, a joint, and Stan laying by my side.

—————————————

Taglist: @melinda-hargreeves @sapphicsyn @stqnley @lonely-kermit

[zaine-m]

Nina Salazar-Roberts is an Bad Character

“[Nini] is just amazing, she’s meant for greatness” but is she? All of the characters in HSMTMTS fawn over Nini, but should the viewers like her as much as they are told they should? Nina Salazar-Roberts is the main character in seasons 1 and 2 of High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. But she is not a good main character because she is supposed to be the underdog but is not, gets away with her mistakes, and is a bad friend in comparison to the other drama kids.

HSMTMTS tries to do the typical underdog story in the beginning of season 1 and succeeds… with Ricky and EJ. But they fail when it comes to Nini and Gina because her insecurities come from something unrealistic, the rest of her life is amazing, and Gina overcomes much more than her. The reason Nini is supposed to be insecure is not something that should make someone especially insecure. Her insecurities are supposed to stem from getting an ensemble role the first time she auditioned for a musical. She was in grade 10 at the time with 2 grades ahead of her that would be more talented because of their age and it was her first time auditioning. When you look at the big picture it is completely normal that she got an ensemble role. Not to mention the fact that she could have not gotten a role in the musical at all. Her insecurities could stem from elsewhere but when you look at the rest of her life, it is amazing. When we are shown her grandmother she encourages Nini to follow her dreams in the only scene she is in. And her 2 mothers are so kind that when Nini’s ex-boyfriend, Ricky is having family troubles he goes to their house to sleep over. Her best friend, Kourtney spends most of her time supporting her and her boyfriend, EJ is a popular jock who sees her as a star and would do anything for her. Lastly, the old drama teacher gave her an ensemble role in beauty and the beast without Nini auditioning. This all adds up to Nini having amazing support systems and no reason to be insecure more than the average teenager. This would not be that much of an issue if Gina had not overcome so many obstacles that Nini did not have to face. Gina is a transfer student who has a single mother that works for FEMA causing her to not have any long lasting friendships. And when she mentions her mother in the first few episodes her mother sounds like she puts too much pressure on the girl. She would have to overcome her mother not being able to pay for good lessons and constantly feeling out of place and lonely. She would also have to deal with the amount of pressure her mother puts on her. Despite the fact that she is supposed to be the underdog Nini comes off as privileged because the root of her insecurities is unrealistic, she has an amazing support system, and Gina has many more struggles than her.

Having main characters be flawed is very important to a series but Nini gets away with all her mistakes. Nini is not punished for hurting others, does not take responsibility for her mistakes and gets things she does not earn. When Nini jumps to conclusions and overreacts she is not punished and is immediately forgiven. In the beginning of season 1 after Nini’s phone goes missing she thinks that Gina took it. Without any evidence or talking to Gina or an adult she takes her shoes and water bottle, Kourtney also steals Gina’s scarves, jewelry, laptop, and more. When Nini finally returns them to her Gina tells her that she never had her phone and Nini still does not apologize. Later in the series when it is brought up again it is revealed that she was forgiven for returning them. Stealing is serious and she should have been taught a lesson in that episode about overreacting, but she was forgiven just because she returned the things. When Nini treats people badly in relationships she blames them for how they react. When she was dating Ricky she made it as hard for him to adjust to her changes as possible. Then got upset when he could not handle it and broke up with him. Then she pins all the blame on him and says that he is not being supportive of her changing. This is very clearly both of their faults and she could have learnt to be a better girlfriend and friend but instead Ricky never even gets mad at her about this behavior. Nini also always gets what she wants even if she did not earn it. During the opening night of their musical when the dean of an acting school is in the audience Nini makes many mistakes and goes off script to sing with the boy she likes. Then the dean says that she has a voice to share and offers her a spot in the school. Nini also got a part in the fall musical made for her even though she did not audition. She could have had to practice to become a better actress or auditioned late but instead she just always gets what she wants. Overall Nini never has to learn from her mistakes because she gets away with hurting others, her mistakes are blamed on others, and gets things even if she did not work for them.

When you look at everything Nini does for the other drama kids she is a comparatively bad friend. Nini will center herself when talking to her friends, not do any favours for her friends, not thank her friends for what they do for her, and only see things from her point of view. Nini does not care as much about her friends' issues as hers. When EJ tries to talk to her about not getting into Duke she changes the topic to her not liking the Youth Actors Conservatory. When Kourtney tried to talk to her about someone who was shutting down her ideas, Nini instead assumed she was talking about Gina, who Nini was mad at. Nini did not think about what these people were dealing with and instead made the conversation about her. Nini does not do as much for her friends as the other characters do. All of the other Drama kids have done favours for each other such as Ashlyn letting Gina stay at her house and Seb and Gina planning a Quinceañero for Carlos with Nini being on the receiving end for many of these. But the most Nini has ever done for someone else is try to give them confidence, something that the other drama kids do on a daily basis. This makes her friendships seem like they only go one way and like she is taking advantage of them. After her friends do big favours for her she never tells them that she is thankful or even that she appreciated them trying to help her like that. Kourtney got the Dean of the Youth Actors Conservatory to come to the opening night of their musical so she could be offered a spot and Ricky convinced Miss Jenn to give her a part in the musical. Also, Carlos posted her song on Instagram so it could blow up and Gina gave Nini a music producer’s phone number so she could make music professionally. But we never see Nini thank any of them despite enjoying how they all helped her. It seems like this is supposed to make her seem less insecure, like she knows that she is worth it. But, it just makes her seem like a bad friend who just expects people to do big things like this for her. Nini also does not try to think about other people’s perspective. She breaks up with EJ because she felt that he thought she needed to be saved. She also got upset with Ricky for not handling her changing well when he was already having issues with his home life changing and she was dumping it all on him at once. She never tried to understand that EJ just likes doing favours for people he loves or that there was just too much change for Ricky to handle in his life. Nini is a bad friend because she does not care about issues other than her own, never does anything big for her friends, does not thank them, and is not empathetic.

In conclusion, Nini fails as an underdog, is never punished, and is a bad friend which is why she is unlikeable. Nini seems to not understand how privileged she is because she is supposed to be an underdog but is not. Because of how good her friends are to her, her treating them so badly makes her seem so much worse. And her never being punished for everything she does wrong also adds to her seeming very privileged. When you look at the issues with her character the overarching theme is that you would love to be in her position. Like many main characters you are supposed to see yourself as her and when you do not her character breaks apart revealing all the issues. So I will leave you with the question, what effect does indulging ourselves in the fantasy of being praised for beating people who are struggling more than you, never being punished, and people loving you even when you treat them badly have on us as a society?

[heavcnslyre]

ricky bowen x reader second series!! part one

— (continuation) starstruck au!

first series | series masterlist, part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven, part eight, part nine, part ten

IN WHICH you cherish the last few days you have with ricky before he leaves for california.

WARNINGS n / a

NOTES first part of my new series!!!! super cheesy but it’s sweet hope you enjoy!!

text dividers from @writeyourmindaway

lowercase intended

( tags: @hesvoid34 @omgdani17 )

you smiled at ricky’s last message and clicked your phone off, cuddling back into your sheets. ricky had been staying with you the past few days and it was nice to be able to spend time with him, but he was leaving tomorrow. you constantly thought about how different it’s going to be— with him in california and you in new york. you lived such different lives: you were a high school senior in a random city in new york and he was a famous singer in los angeles, california. you were nervous to be away from him for so long, but you knew it wasn’t forever.

you had almsot drifted off to sleep again when you heard your bedroom door open and close. you opened your eyes and peeped over at ricky, who grinned at you when you made eye contact.

“good morning,” he said. he was carrying a box of donuts which he set on your bed close to your feet.

“morning!” you replied cheerfully as you sat up and grabbed the box. he sat on the bed carefully next to you. you pulled out a jelly filled donut.

“i am going to make such a mess on my bed,” you commented, powder already falling from your donut onto the sheets. he laughed and grabbed a glazed donut.

“no surprise there.”

you laughed and took a bite of your donut. after a minute, you turned to him. “what should we do today?”

“hm,” he thought for a moment. “good question.”

“i wish it wasn’t your last day here,” you said. “i have to go back to real life when you leave.”

ricky laughed. “yeah, it’s really been a nice escape, being here with you.”

you snuggled back into your blankets and looked up at him. “you could just stay. my whole family loves you, sure it’d be fine.”

“you know i would if i could,” he brushed your hair behind your ear. “i guess i have a career to get to, though.”

you hummed. “yeah. guess that’s sort of important, huh?”

“i guess,” he said. “you’re more important though, obviously.”

you smiled and grabbed his hand, tracing lines on it. “will you be recording ‘common sense’ when you get back?”

“of course,” ricky grinned. “i’ll release it as soon as possible.”

“i want to be the first to hear the recorded version.”

“well, it is about you, so sure.”

the two of you sat and talked for a while before you heard a knock on the door. you told them to come in and camilla peeked her head in the door.

“oh— uh, hi. sorry,” she said nervously. she had started to get used to the fact that you were dating ricky, but she was still a huge fan of his and wasn’t quite used to seeing him in her little sisters bed.

“hey cam. what’s up?” you asked.

“mom and dad wanted me to let you know we’re going to go out and get dinner tonight since ricky’s leaving tomorrow,” she said ricky’s name somewhat nervously, as if she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to address him casually.

“sounds great,” ricky smiled at camilla. she smiled back, in a you’re-my-sisters-boyfriend-and-i-think-i-approve type way. you nudged the box of donuts with your foot.

“donuts, if you want some.”

she peeked in the box. “any jelly filled?”

“should be a couple more in there,” ricky said. she grabbed one from the box.

“thanks guys. i’m thinking about going to a few shops today with my friend, if you wanted to tag along,” she said as she moved to the door. you looked at ricky and he shrugged.

“yeah, sure. just let us know when you’re going,” you said and camilla nodded before leaving your room. you turned to ricky.

“i think she’s getting used to having you here.”

he nodded. “definitely an improvement from when i came over after the dance.”

you laughed at the memory. when you returned home that day with ricky, ashlyn, and big red, you swore that camilla’s eyes popped out of her head. her face was red the whole time she spoke to him and she rambled on and on. of course, ricky listened and didn’t mind, but you thought her behavior was funny. shes usually so confident, and seeing her nervous was weird for you. you were just glad that she was getting used to him now and that they got along. you weren’t sure what you would do if your family didn’t like him.

“you ready to go?” your mom asked, walking into the living room where you and ricky were watching a movie. you looked over at her and nodded.

“yeah. are we driving together or seperate?”

your mom shrugged. “you guys can drive seperate, if you want. cam’s meeting us there.”

“okay,” you turned to ricky. “you wanna drive or should i?”

“do you really want to drive?” ricky asked teasingly. you laughed and rubbed your eyes.

“maybe not. maybe you should,” he laughed and stood up, offering you a hand. you grabbed it and pulled yourself up.

“what restaurant is it we’re going to?” ricky asked your mom.

“applebee’s on third street. (y/n) knows where it is if you can’t find it.”

“okay, awesome.”

ricky grabbed his keys and the two of you left right behind your parents. ricky rested his hand on your leg and you scrolled through your phone. as you were on twitter, a thought popped into your mind.

“hey ricky? can i ask you something?”

“of course.”

“when do you think you’ll say something about us being together?” you asked gently, in a tone that hopefully portrayed that you weren’t mad, just curious. he thought for a second.

“maybe when i release common sense?” he suggested, glancing over at you. “i feel like by then things will be calmed down enough and i can be truthful about who it’s about.”

you grabbed his hand and intertwined your fingers. “that’s perfect.”

“so, ricky,” your dad asked as you were sitting at the restaurant. “do you have anything you’re working on when you get back to california?”

ricky hummed. “i actually have an album in the works and theres potential for a role in a movie as well. but i’m also going to be focusing on spending time on myself and people i care about.”

you and ricky made eye contact and you smiled. you had had a conversation about how he puts too much on his plate and that he needed to focus on doing what he wanted to do, and he really took that to heart. he planned to spend more time writing his music and he was only going to do this movie if it felt right for him.

“that’s a great plan,” your dad said. “i’m excited to see how you do in the future.”

“thank you, mr. (y/l/n), that really means a lot to me,” he said. “when do you think you guys will make it out to california next?”

“definitely the summertime,” your mom said. “i’d love if we could go sooner but... going across the country isn’t necessarily a weekend trip.”

“yeah, i get that,” ricky laughed. “summers not too far, though!”

“yeah, in the meantime you can just take a drive to glendale and become best friends with my grandma,” you teased. ricky laughed.

“very true.”

the five of you sat and talked at dinner for over an hour, and your family got to know ricky. it was really nice to see them getting along. eventually, you all decided it was time to leave and let other people have your table. as you were walking out in the parking lot, ricky turned to your parents.

“i think (y/n) and i will go for a bit of a drive, if that’s alright?” he asked. your dad nodded and checked his watch.

“sure thing. just drive careful and be back before 12?”

“awesome, thanks!” ricky said and the two of you walked hand-in-hand back to your car.

“so, where are we going?” you asked as you got into the passengers seat.

“just for a drive. nowhere specific. besides, i know nothing about your city. we might get lost.”

you laughed. “this city isn’t that big. but getting lost is not that big of a deal. we’ll figure it out.”

“i’ve said this before— no one i’d rather get lost with than you,” ricky said, then grinned at you. you grinned back and grabbed his hand.

“right back at you.”

you and ricky ended up getting ice cream then finding a park to walk around in. but then, you quickly realized that it was new york in the middle of january, and you were freezing. you sat in the car together, sitting and talking as you looked at the stars. you had learned a lot about each other recently and you just continued to learn new things about him. you were able to pick up on little things he did; like run his hand through his hair when he was talking a lot and how his ears turned red when he got embarrassed.

ricky drove the two of you back to your house right around 11:30. everyone was asleep, as you assumed they would be. you made your way upstairs and into bed and ricky slipped in next to you, a few minutes later. you cuddled up next to him and he wrapped his arms around you.

“i’m going to miss this when you leave,” you sighed. he held you tighter.

“yeah. me too.”

“are you sure you have everything?” you asked ricky nervously, handing him one of his bags at the airport. your parents had left to go look at some of the shops to let you say goodbye. he gave you a light smile.

“yes. and if i forgot anything, you can just mail it to me. or, we can use it as an excuse to see each other sooner,” you laughed.

“are you sure you’ll be okay flying by yourself? are you comfortable?” you asked, he lifted your chin so you would look him in the eye.

“love, i’ll be fine. don’t worry,” your face softened and you leaned in to kiss him. he moved his arms to your waist and you moved yours to around his neck. when you pulled back, you rested your forehead against his.

“i can’t believe you’re going to be across the country from me, and in a different time zone,” you said. he rubbed your back.

“i know. but i’ll call you, everyday. call, not just text. and... i’ll update you on everything i’m working on, my songs, the movie, whatever.”

you nodded and pulled away from him. “just... take care of yourself, ricky. and don’t find another girl to be with in california.”

“trust me, i won’t,” he laughed. “my heart is here, with you.”

“so cheesy,” you teased. ricky rolled his eyes fondly.

“flight 258 to los angeles, california is now boarding!” you heard over the loud speakers. you sighed.

“guess you should go,” you said.

“guess i should.”

you smooth out his sleeves distractedly. “text me as soon as you land, okay? and say hi to big red for me, and your parents.”

“i will. my parents are excited to meet you for real, soon.”

“i’m excited to meet them. june, hopefully. then you, me, red and ashlyn will be altogether again. that’ll be nice.”

“yeah it will be! and i can finally show you more of california. it’ll be great,” you nodded.

“okay, enough of these cheesy goodbyes. no ones dying. facetime me later, i’ll see you soon.”

you kissed him again quickly and he turned to get to his gate as the warning was called for his flight. you sighed as you watched him leave. before he walked onto his plane, he turned around and waved at you. you waved back, a big smile on your face, and he turned to walk onto his plane. as he disappeared from your vision, your parents and camilla approached you.

“he board his plane?” your dad asked. you nodded.

“you okay?” camilla asked you gently. you looked over and nodded. she put her arm around your shoulder. “c’mon. lunch is on me.”

[hearteyesbowen]

practicing lines ☆ ricky bowen

nothing says high school plays like two lead actors hating each other to their core

warnings: slight angst, slight fluff, some swearing, heavy making out

part I , part II

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

If there is one thing Y/N hated most, it was Richard Bowen.

Richard “Ricky” Bowen was the high school sweetheart. The most polite and respectful man in his grade, and probably his school. He held the door for anyone and everyone, he offers to help his teachers in need of grading test papers, and he seems to be the perfect boyfriend material. That’s not what you thought.

You despise everything about him. The reason for your resentment was due to the fact that you got the part for Gabriella when he wanted Nini to get the part so they could rekindle their broken love. Ever since then, he has been nothing but rude and obnoxious to you. You did everything you could to try and make peace with him, but he only cared about his stupid plan to fix his own mistakes.

It was clear to the whole school of the mutual hatred between you two. Although Miss Jenn tried to warm you up to each other with her bonding exercises and one-on-one script read throughs, nothing was more powerful than your anger for each other.

Today, after learning that the school’s stage was mysteriously burned down, you all traveled to the El Ray Theatre.

“Ok kids, let’s go to page five.” She yelled, taking her clipboard and standing on the side with Carlos.

You scrambled through your bag, grabbing the heavy script that Carlos printed out for you. You turn on your heels swiftly, only to crash into your ignorant co-star.

“Watch it, happy feet.” Rick snarled, towering over you.

“Why not give me some personal space, Richard?” You smirked. “Almost makes me think you have a crush on me.”

“You fucking wish, Y/N.”

“Language, Ricky.” Miss Jenn warned.

You give him an innocent smile, turning your back on him as you walked to center stage. You heard him groan under his breath as he trailed behind you.

You both stood next to each other, or five feet apart from each other, flipping the pages of your script to the next scene. You quickly skimmed through the page, reading through the scene you were about to act out.

“Let’s go to the scene where Troy and-”

You heard a loud snap coming from the ceiling. “Watch out!” Someone from the back screeched.

You felt a strong pair of arms grab you and pull you to their body, covering your head. A large sand bag fell from the roof, making everyone around you scream and hold on to each other.

“Is everyone ok?” You heard Seb cry out.

You look up from your hands that covered your eyes and saw horror in everyone’s eyes, from the sack to you. Confused, you remembered that you were in someone’s grasp. You look up and see Ricky, breathing heavily. He looked at you and everything was quiet.

You pushed yourself off of him, sweeping your body from the dust in the air. Ricky did the same, clearing his throat and avoiding your gaze.

“Maybe we should take a five.” Miss Jenn hummed, “Ricky and Y/N can go and look for a quiet, hopefully safer place to practice lines while the rest of us can figure out how to work the lights and not die.”

➢➣ ➢➣

“Wow, not even a goddamn thank you for saving your life?” Ricky asked annoyingly as he closed the door behind him.

You had both found a hidden storage room in the dusty halls of the theatre. Inside were worn out dresses with threads popping out, multiple broken chairs probably used during performances, and an old piano.

You rolled your eyes, “No one asked you to save me, Dicky.”

“What did you just call me?” He growled.

“I said Dicky.” You spat. You dusted off the chair of the piano before sitting down, leaving room for Ricky.

He rolled his eyes and took off his navy hoodie. His shirt went up a little, revealing his toned chest. You forced yourself to stop staring and tried to ignore him as he sat down, leaving as much room in between you two as possibly without falling off the bench. His hands grazed they top of the piano before pressing his fingers on top of the keys. He began to mess around with the notes, playing small and random tunes. His eyes were glued to the instrument as he played, and you noticed a small smile forming on his lips as he practiced . You almost forgot about everything as you listened to him play. Watching him focus on his music brought a shiver to your body, and almost a warm feeling in your stomach. You had never felt this towards Ricky, all you felt was anger. But now, this whole new feeling brought a new light to you.

“Should we start practicing our lines?” Ricky asked, turning to look at you. A heat ran to your cheeks as you both stared at each other. You noticed a change in his eyes and saw him glance down at your lips once.

“Yeah, uhm, go to page five.” You said, turning away and grabbing your script from the top of the piano.

Ricky was still in shock of what happened. He got up from the bench and grabbed his script from a tall, wooden shelf next to the door. He watched as you turn around the seat to face him, still looking at your script. He noticed your tongue stick out ever so slightly which made him smile. He quickly wiped the smile from his face, bewildered by his reaction.

“I don’t need my script, do you?” You ask softly.

His throat went dry as he looked at you, your hair falling slightly over your flushed cheeks. Something in him clicked, and his knees began to grow heavy.

“No, you’re perfect-that’s perfect.” He rambled.

You kept the page of the scene open and placed the script next to you on the bench. “Remember in kindergarten, you’d meet a kid, know nothing about them, then ten seconds later, you were best friends?” You recite.

“Yeah.” Ricky mumbled.

“Singing with you felt like that.”

“I never thought about singing, that’s for sure. Until you. And now,” He said, gazing into your eyes. “And now,” He repeated, seeming lost.

“What an actor you are.” You joked, giggling a little.

“What does that mean?” He asked somewhat annoyingly.

“It was a joke, Ricky. Calm down.” You countered, standing up as you got more irritated. “You can’t take a joke?”

“I’m sorry, aren’t you the one who can’t even thank someone for saving their life?”

“That bag was no where near me, idiot. What were you trying to save me from? Dust bunnies?” You yelled.

Ricky scoffed, “And to think I thought we were getting better at being nicer to each other. I’ve tried so hard to make things between us better but clearly you don’t want that. I’m just waisting my time.”

You were taken back. “How is all of this my fault? You are the one who started getting pissed off at me for getting the lead when you wanted Nini. Is that why you fucking hate me? Because I’m not your ex girlfriend who is happy with her new boyfriend?” You screamed, your fists curled into each other tightly.

Ricky’s rich brown eyes grew shinier, his mouth agape and in shock. Neither of you have fought like this before.

“I’m sorry.” He said, taking the smallest step towards you. You took a small step back, feeling yourself close to the wall. “I’m an idiot.”

“That’s one way to put it.” You mumbled, stepping back one more step as you hit the door

“Look, I know it was wrong for me to be mad at you for getting the part. I was so caught up in the idea of me winning back Nini like they do in the movies that I totally disregarded your feelings too.” He confessed. “I started to realized how wrong I was about you a while ago, but we were so deep into our frustration for each other I didn’t know what to do but to try and start being more polite. I’m the worst guy in the world and you never deserved to be treated like a dick, it was all my fault.”

“I shouldn’t have been so rude either.” You muttered, “It was childish for me to retaliate with an attitude instead of just working it out, you know? I deserved some of the harshness from you.”

“Can we agree that this was on the both of us?” He begged, letting out a little laugh.

“Yeah, for sure.” You replied, softly laughing as you brought your attention to the floor.

You stared at your shoes and dusted off your jeans. You felt Ricky stare at you, so you looked up. His lower lip was caught in between his teeth, slowly turning his soft lips red. You couldn’t help but steal glances from his eyes to his lips, noticing Ricky do the same.

“I feel as though I owe you an apology.” He started, moving closer to you. His slim body towered over your own.

“Oh, you do. I expect an amazing gift to make up for this.” You smirked.

One of his hands went to your chin, grabbing it gently as the other went to your waist. Your hands rested on his chest.

“I have an idea.” Ricky whispered before he crashed his lips to yours.

His large hand moved from your chin to your waist. Your arms slid from his chest to around his neck, and curled up into his own curly hair. His grip on your waist tightened and pulled you closer to him, making sure to leave no space in between you. You tugged his hair, making him let out a low groan. You smiled at his reaction. His hands slid down your waist and under your butt, motioning you to jump. You jumped up and wrapped your legs around his waist, and he slammed you up against the door. He began to trail kisses from your lips to your neck, and you tried your best to hold in a moan. You felt the marks he was leaving from your neck to your collarbone. You moved his head back up and brought your lips to his again.

“I knew you had a crush on me.” You breathed out. He bit your bottom lip, making you gasp, and letting his tongue slip through.

Ricky walked back to the piano and sat down, letting you straddle his waist. You latched your lips to his neck, leaving matching marks on his neck. He let out small moans, gripping your hips tighter as you went on. Your hands went to the hem of his shirt, tugging at it so he would take it off.

“Ricky? Y/N? Are you two in here? This door is jammed!” You heard Big Red call out from past the wooden door.

You both quickly pulled away, getting up from his lap and readjusting your shirt. Ricky did the same to his messy hair. He swiftly grabbed his hoodie he left on the piano and tossed it you, motioning at your neck with the numerous marks he left.

“Yeah we’re here! Just push the door.” He replied. He moved one of his hands to the side of his neck, hoping to subtly cover up the red scars you left him.

You managed to put Ricky’s hoodie on before Red opened the door. You took in the scent of his cologne and adjusted the collar more up to hide your bruises.

“Miss Jenn is having a midlife crisis so we’re going to order pizza. Are you guys good with pepperoni and soy cheese?” He wondered.

“Yeah, totally fine.” You answered. Ricky gave a small nod to his friend.

Red was quick to notice you wearing Ricky’s clothing on your body, but didn’t want to question it out of fear for his life. He gave a simple “ok” and left without question, knowing he would just demand answers out of his best friend later.

Ricky turned back to you, scratching the back of his neck. “About what just happened-”

“We can discuss over our next read through together.” You interrupted, giving him a soft smile.

“How about the movies tomorrow? At 8?” He asked hopefully.

You gave him a smile and walked up to him, going to peck his lips only to be pulled back by Ricky for another sweet kiss.

➢➣ ➢➣

You both walked back to your friends who were scattered around the main entrance of the theatre. Everyone noticed you two holding hands, Ricky’s hoodie, and the obvious makeup on his neck. You both acted as though nothing happened.

You were pulled away by Carlos and Ashlyn, noticing Red going for Ricky. “Excuse me, last time I remembered you and Ricky were about to murder each other.” He mumbled quickly.

“What do you mean? We just had a really, really heated argument right now.” You defended, playing with the sleeves of his larger hoodie.

“Is there something on your neck? Oh my god Y/N did you and Ri-”

Miss Jenn bursted through the door happily, “Alright kids, let’s go back to school!”

A/N - well heres another imagine !!! this one was fun to write and more steamy so ur welcome ! im thinking of doing a part 2 to breakdown, so let me know what u think or send me suggestions or requests of what to write next :)) love y’all

[bitter69uk]

Recently watched: Voyage of the Rock Aliens (1984). Tagline: “the story of a guy, a girl and an alien... and one night they will always remember!” I’m using this period of enforced social isolation to explore the weirder corners of YouTube for long forgotten and obscure movies. (My boyfriend is accompanying me only semi-willingly).  

Incomprehensible. Stultifying. Bizarre. Botched! In the early eighties, former child actress, cherub-faced starlet and “triple threat” Pia Zadora reigned as the undisputed queen of bad movies. (Her filmography-from-hell includes crimes-against-cinema like Fake-out (1982) and The Lonely Lady (1983)). Enduring the 97-minute duration of misbegotten low-budget New Wave musical comedy Voyage of the Rock Aliens certainly justifies how Zadora earned that title. (Note: don’t confuse Voyage of the Rock Aliens with Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968) – an entirely different but equally terrible film starring that earlier queen of bad movies, Mamie Van Doren). 

Voyage was calculatedly formulated to promote Zadora as a viable pop siren in the vein of Madonna or Cyndi Lauper. In fact, it opens with an epic rock video for “When the Rain Begins to Fall”, Zadora’s hi-NRG disco duet with Jermaine Jackson. The video has that artfully distressed post-apocalyptic / post-punk look typical of the era (it’s hard to overstate the stylistic influence of Mad Max in the eighties). Seemingly tacked-on at random, the video bears zero relation to what unfolds next. How to explain Voyage of the Rock Aliens? According to Wikipedia, its scriptwriter conceived it as a deliberately campy tongue-in-cheek spoof hybrid of fifties and sixties b-movie genres. A postmodern mash-up of science fiction, beach party musicals, monster movies and rock’n’roll juvenile delinquent flicks sounds potentially amusing in more competent hands, but the conception and execution here is frankly - if cheerfully - inept. 

Zany hijinks, wacky misunderstandings and “what-the-fuck” moments ensue when a group of rock’n’roll-crazed aliens (styled to vaguely resemble Devo) land their guitar-shaped spaceship on earth and try to ingratiate themselves with the local teenagers of a town called Speelburg. Voyage’s tone is established with an introductory Beach Blanket Bingo-style musical number. The song is grating. The choreography is clunky. The weather is visibly overcast and chilly. Some of the “high schoolers” are seemingly well into their late twenties. To be fair, it does offer a time capsule of eighties fashion trends: it’s a veritable day-glo riot of ra-ra skirts, crimped hair, fingerless lace gloves and wraparound sunglasses. Dee Dee (Zadora) yearns to sing with her boyfriend Frankie’s band (Frankie and The Pack) at their high school’s upcoming cotillion. But surly delinquent hoodlum Frankie (Craig Sheffer) is such a selfish, insecure jerk he won’t let her. (This scenario reminded me of Lucy constantly wanting to crash Ricky’s stage show in old episodes of I Love Lucy). The leader of the aliens (Tom Nolan) develops a crush on Dee Dee and has no qualms about her joining his band, inciting Frankie’s jealousy. 

Proceedings are padded-out with some annoying sub-plots. Two homicidal killers escape from a high security mental facility. The eccentric elderly female sheriff investigates the town’s UFO sighting. (This surely represents an unseemly career low for Academy Award-winning veteran character actress Ruth Gordon of Rosemary’s Baby and Harold and Maude fame). There’s also a sea monster whose tentacle pops up at random and is never explained. Storytelling coherence isn’t one of Voyage’s strengths: it frequently feels like some pages have gone missing from the script, or some crucial explanatory scenes have been accidentally deleted.   

Anyway, Zadora gamely tackles the acting, singing and dancing with more enthusiasm than skill. Frankie’s bandmates are played by a genuine Los Angeles psychobilly band called Jimmy and The Mustangs - a poor man’s Stray Cats, although it must be said they do provide eye candy in their mesh t-shirts and studded leather biker jackets. Speaking of which: pouting young pretty boy Craig Sheffer’s Frankie is filmed like an escapee from an eighties gay porn film, with a homoerotic focus on his sinewy torso and painted-on black jeans. With horrible symmetry, Voyage concludes by reprising “When the Rain Begins to Fall” (with Scheffer lip-syncing to Jermaine Jackson’s vocals) with some of the most half-assed green screen technology ever captured on celluloid. Clearly the filmmakers had stopped caring by then. Problem is, you will have too! 

Voyage of the Rock Aliens is FREE to view on Amazon Prime. Watch the trailer here.

[coll2mitts]

#28 Hairspray (2007)

Welcome to Hairspray, where a well-intentioned, woke, white teenage girl singlehandedly ends segregation in 1960s Baltimore.

Y’know, after watching Cry-Baby, I wasn’t super keen on revisiting Hairspray, but I figured it deserved a fair shot.  I hadn’t seen the original since I was in high school, so I booted up HBO Max and settled in for a long night of old-timey dance moves and racial inequality.  Guys... the 1988 version of Hairspray is flippin’ great.

The cast is just to die for.  Ricki Lake, who I only knew as a talk show host in my childhood, is a great Tracy Turnblad.  My favorite devious sea witch Divine is her mother, and Jerry Stiller is her father.  Goddamn Debbie Harry and Sunny Bono are her rival’s parents, and Amber Von Tussle is motherfucking Colleen Fitzpatrick.  As someone who has a vested interest in all famous Colleens, I was stoked to see that Hairspray was Vitamin C’s first acting gig.

FUN FACT: According to Wikipedia (which is never wrong), Graduation (Friends Forever) charts on iTunes at the end of every school year.  Colleen is also the VP of music at Nickelodeon, so she’s doing just fine.

Anyway, the original Hairspray is campy, edgy and hilarious.  If I were Miss Soft Crab 1945, I too would bring it up every chance I got.  The story really boils down to two horny teenage girls trying to claw their way to the top, but the charm of Tracy is she’s trying to pull everyone else up with her.  The way they handle segregation and racial inequality is over-the-top ridiculous, but somehow more realistic than its updated counterpart (put a pin in this).  I mean, a racist white woman shoved a bomb in her hair to own the libs and it gloriously explodes on her head.  I haven’t seen the musical adaptation of Hairspray, so my opinions of how true it is to its source material won’t be explored here, but the 2007 movie adaptation, to me, left a lot to be desired.

Hairspray might be the most popular in a recent trend of non-musical movies being adapted for Broadway.  I remember back in the 90s when Beauty and the Beast hit the stage - it was so successful Disney now has the movie-to-Broadway pipeline on speed dial.  But now we’re getting a shitload of movies with no musical elements being fast tracked to Broadway, like Kinky Boots, Bend it Like Beckham, Mean Girls, Beetlejuice, Heathers, Waitress, Legally Blonde, fucking Groundhog Day with music written by Tim Minchin, just, so goddamn many of them.  I love musicals, but to say I didn’t want to see The Heathers threaten Veronica in 3-part harmony would be an understatement, so I’m immediately skeptical to the quality of this content and hesitant to consume it.  Unfortunately for me, Hairspray is one of the few who had their *corny* musical adaptation also committed to film, and it is a neutered, earnest, high school choir translation of the original and it made my teeth hurt.

The two positives I’ll give the remake are the sets/costumes are great, and the cast serve their roles well, although I will never be OK with someone wearing a fat suit as a costume.  The songs are... fine.  Again, this era of music is not my favorite, so I’m never going to get excited over “It Takes Two” or “I Can Hear the Bells”.  It’s just the tone is so different from the original, and by the end of the movie I was exhausted and very glad it was over.  Writing about it now has required several breaks and side-tangents and I can’t even get to the fucking synopsis of the movie... ugh let’s just do this.

Tracy Turnblad is a “pleasantly plump” teenage girl living in 1960s Baltimore whose sunny disposition makes her oblivious to the reality of murky situation she is living in.  We’re quickly introduced to her obsession, “The Corny Collins Show”, which features a number of far-out teens that love to dance, including multi-year winner of Miss Teenage Hairspray and miss Pitch Perfect herself Amber Von Tussel.  Her mother, Velma, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, is the station manager at WYZT, and uses her power to keep Amber featured front and center.  

After a girl on the show gets knocked up, an audition is held to replace her.  While Tracy’s mother Edna, regrettably played by John Travolta in a fat suit, is afraid that Tracy’s weight will prevent her from landing the gig, her father, puzzlingly played by like a 60-something Christopher Walken, is generally supportive.  True to Edna’s feeling, Tracy is fat shamed by Amber and Velma and doesn’t make the cut.

After getting detention for skipping class for an audition that didn’t pan out, Tracy makes friends with a bunch of black students who are all excellent dancers.  Turns out her new friend Seaweed is the son of Motormouth Maybelle, the sometimes-host of "The Corny Collins Show”, played by Queen Latifah.  Velma, in addition to being a massive bitch, also segregates the station’s black talent from the main show, only to be featured one night a month on “Negro Day”.  While Tracy is boogying down, Link, Amber’s boyfriend and one of the stars of TCCS, peeps at her ass and tells her if she shook her rump in front of Corny at the Hop, he’d have no choice but to put her on the show.

In the original movie, Tracy Turnblad fucks.  She moves in on Link and devours him whole, with no mind given to her size.  She is a kind of bratty, confident young teenager that isn’t afraid to reach out and grab what she wants.  Tracy in the 2007 version is the most innocent cinnamon roll that has ever been baked.  Link gives her one compliment and she drifts into fantasies of marrying him.  Part of me is annoyed by this, but the other part of me appreciates misguided optimism played as humor.

At the Corny Collins hop, Tracy steals borrows Seaweed’s dance move and lands a place on TCCS council.  After declaring she wants every day to be Negro Day, the head of the station declares he wants that “chubby communist girl” off the show.  Corny, played by a dreamy James Marsden, sticks his neck out for Tracy and furthermore, says the show should be integrated.  As Tracy’s popularity skyrockets, the station shows more leeway to her size and her look, but to maintain some semblance of control, Velma works to completely edge out Negro Day.

Meanwhile, Link is clued into how fun it is in detention, and him, Tracy, and Penny all dance their way to Motormouth Maybelle’s record store for a potluck.  When Seaweed introduces his new white friends to his mother, Penny delivers my favorite line of the whole movie, “I’m very pleased and scared to be here.”  Amber rats out Tracy’s activities to her mother, and Edna arrives to Motormouth’s with the intention of dragging Tracy home until she realizes that black people are OK because they eat brisket.

After Edna shoves a bunch of food in her face, the gang finds out that Negro Day on “The Corny Collins Show” has been cancelled.  Tracy has the great idea to protest the television station, and all the black people are like, “Why didn’t we think of that?”  Link decides to bow out of the march because there’ll be talent agents at the Miss Hairspray Pageant, and he doesn’t want to give up his big shot at fame and glory to fight for a entire race of people’s basic rights.

The next day, Tracy and her mom are the only white people in a sea of black people to march to the station.  Queen Latifah sings a very earnest song about the resilience of her community, because this is the Serious Portion TM of the musical.  Tracy assaults a police officer without giving any mind to what it would do for all the black people she’s marching with, and runs away to let them handle the consequences.  The movie doesn’t show any police brutality because Reasons, and a bunch of protestors are arrested and immediately bailed out by Tracy’s Dad.  Tracy eventually ends up back at Motormouth Maybelle’s record shop so she can hide there without considering how dangerous it would be for Motormouth to harbor a fugitive of the law.  

The next day is the Miss Teen Hairspray competition broadcast at WYZT, and with Tracy being wanted by the police, they have to sneak her into the station.  She bum-rushes the set to sing a song with a now-enlightened Link about not stopping progress, while also inviting Motormouth Maybelle’s daughter, Little Inez, on stage to dance.  Everybody calls-in to vote for her because the only racist people in Baltimore run the television station, and Little Inez is crowned Miss Teen Hairspray.  Amber is like fine with it even though her mom isn’t, and everyone dances and sings to celebrate that “The Corny Collins” show is now integrated!  Meanwhile, I’m left wondering why Amanda Bynes was forced to wear a dress that she can’t move her legs in, even though they knew she would participate in the show’s closing dance number.  The end.

Oh, and there’s also a whole B plot where Velma tries to fuck Tracy’s dad and Tracy’s mom finds out and gets upset for like 30 seconds.  This is immediately resolved by a song and dance number among a bunch of laundry.

This movie is fine and competent or whatever, but for some reason it just rubs me the entirely wrong way.  Tracy constantly says that the 1960s are changing for people who are different, implying that an overweight white teen also knows what it’s like to be discriminated against in the same way black people are.  The movie does roll its eyes at some of her most tone-deaf “I’m an overenthusiastic ally” moments, like “I wish every day was Negro Day!” and “This is afro-tastic!”, but it also goes out of its way to talk about how much Tracy has helped the black community.  Like, by doing what?  Being fat and on TV?  That being said, she does use her privilege to feature black dancers on a major television broadcast, so by the end of the movie she becomes the person everyone says she is.  Also, I’m a dumb, overweight, white, middle-aged woman, so I’m not the right person to get all indignant about a well-intentioned feel-good Broadway musical.

Final thoughts: If you love bright colors, cheese, and sincere, glossy reflections of the 1960s civil rights movement written by a bunch of white dudes, this movie is for you.

[hydroponicjj]

let go

pairing: ricky bowen x reader

word count: 1.7k

warnings: angst (i’ve never written any angst before so, sorry if it sucks)

a/n: this was inspired by the song let go by ark patrol. it’s really popular on tiktok right now so, maybe you’ve heard it. this idea was just something that stumbled in my head while i was trying to sleep. anyway, i hope you like it!

                       [ ·˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ♡ ]

TO SAY THAT RICKY BOWEN is dealing with a lot right now would be an understatement. His family drama has skyrocketed through the roof in the course of a couple months with his mother moving to Chicago and the shocking news that his parents are getting a divorce. 

That alone could break someone's spirit but, Ricky also had the stress of being the lead in East High’s production of High School Musical. The countless amount of rehearsals after school and the drama that comes with having your ex-girlfriend as your co-star leaves him exhausted when he comes home.

And shit just went from bad to worse.

Over Thanksgiving break, he got into a horrible fight with his ex-girlfriend, Nini while his current girlfriend, (y/n) was just mere feet away. There was no way that she didn’t see the interaction. Ricky feared that she noticed the feelings that the two still inhabited for each other. 

Then, it was revealed that a fire occurred at the school, damaging the theatre. Nothing was left untouched. Costumes, props, everything. So, the musical was canceled.

All of the time, hard work, and energy that was devoted to this production had been thrown away in a matter of seconds.

When he got home that night, Ricky went straight to his room and cried himself to sleep. 

What was he supposed to do? Sure, he could try and convince the others to search for another theatre but nothing good would come out of it. They’d get their hearts shattered and Ricky didn’t know if he could take it.

It felt like someone threw his thoughts in a blender, scrambled them all up, and then poured them back into his head.

His family is falling apart right before his eyes and there is nothing he can do about it. He has the best girlfriend that anyone could ask for. (Y/N) is beautiful, kind, intelligent, and she makes him very happy. But for some reason, she doesn’t plague his mind like Nini does. Last but not least, something he was so passionate about was ripped away from him.

His heart was slowly falling out of his chest and everyone around him doesn’t even know.

                                [ ₊˚.༄ ]

“Hey, Ricky,” You paused, inhaling deeply.

“I’m calling because I know that you’re really sad about everything with the musical and I just want to make sure you’re okay since we haven’t talked in a little bit. I’m at the store picking up a few things but, I was gonna stop by your place after. You don’t have to call me back or anything. I love you.” You finished, shoving your phone into your back pocket.

You watched as the person in front of you paid for their items and exited the store. Inching forward, you began to place the items that lay in your cart on the conveyer belt. A plethora of snacks, board games, and movies for Ricky. 

You were buying all of these things with only one intention. So you could watch as his eyes lit up and see that big smile that you know and love appear on his face. 

It hurt your heart to know that he was upset. All you wanted to do was make him feel better and you would spend your entire paycheck on him if that’s what it took.

“Ma’am, your total will be 47.68,” The female on the other side of the counter smiled at you.

You reached into your pocket and handed her your credit card, watching as she swiped it and then proceeded to give it back to you, along with your receipt.

“Have a great rest of your afternoon,” You said as you retrieved your bags and exited the store.

Once you reached your car, you could faintly hear someone calling your name off in the distance. Stopping, you turned around and you saw Nini making her way towards you.

“Hey, (y/n).” She greeted, fidgeting with her fingers.

“Hey, Nini.” You replied, raising your eyebrows. Obviously, it was going to be awkward talking to your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, even if the two of you didn’t have any bad blood.

“I know this might be a little inappropriate but, I think you should check on Ricky. I called him about an hour ago and he didn’t seem like he was doing too well.” An awkward silence instantly crept between the two of you.

“Wait, you’ve talked to Ricky today?” You asked. You could feel your eyebrows touch your hairline.

“Yeah,” Nini replied, confusion covered her face. 

Of course, she didn’t know what was going on but, you felt like she was taunting you. Like she was rubbing it into your face that he’d answer her calls but not yours.

“I’ve gotta go,” You whispered as you got into your car and drove off, leaving Nini all by herself with no explanation as to why you left as quickly as you did.

You didn’t wanna see Ricky right now but for some reason, you found yourself driving towards his house as if your brain were in autopilot.

What were you gonna say to him? I mean, you couldn’t just scream at him without having some context as to why he wouldn’t answer your calls. You weren’t even mad, just worried about him.

He would always tell you that he didn’t like talking to Nini outside of rehearsal because all she did was remind him of the things he didn’t do right in their relationship so, why was he taking her calls all of a sudden? 

Something was clearly wrong.

When you arrived at his house, you grabbed the groceries from the backseat then trotted up the stairs that lead to his front door. For a second, you contemplating doing this.

What if Ricky told you to go away or that he’d rather be around Nini than you? What if he said the reason that he and Nini were fighting at Thanksgiving was because he didn’t have the guts to break up with you so that he could get back together with her.

This was a terrible idea. What was I thinking? Ricky obviously doesn’t want to talk to you so, don’t bother him.

“(Y/N), what are you doing here?” Speak of the devil.

“Have you uh, have you checked your voicemail?” You stuttered, looking down at the wooden porch that you were currently standing on.

“I haven’t been on my phone all day.” He sighed, fidgeting with the strings of the yellow hoodie he was wearing.

Everything about this interaction felt off. Ricky was standing partially inside while you were on the top step. The physical distance between the two of you didn’t compare to how distant you were emotionally.

Not only that but, Ricky just lied to your face with ease which made you wonder if he had done it before.

“Really?” You paused, “Because I ran into Nini while I was at the grocery store and she said she had talked to you.”

“Yeah, we were just talking about how much it sucks that the musical is off and all of that stuff.” He explained.

“Oh, okay.” You whispered, feeling somewhat guilty for putting him on the spot like that.

“I think you should go home, (y/n). I’m not feeling up for any company today.” He sighed, looking down at the palm of his hands.

“I bought you all of this stuff though. Your favorite snacks, movies and a shit-ton of board games.” You smiled, holding up the bags in your hand.

“Thank you. Maybe you can come over sometime next week but for right now, I just wanna be by myself.” He pushed, starting to grow annoyed with you.

“Hey, what’s going on? You can talk to me.” You said, making your way towards him.

“(Y/N), just go home!” He snapped, causing you to flinch. In your entire 6 months of being together, he had never raised his voice at you. In fact, you two had never gotten into an argument.

“Ricky, I-I don’t understand. We were just fine last week and now, you’re acting as if I’m some leper and you can’t stand to be around me.” You jabbed, getting tired of the games.

“But that’s the thing, (y/n). We weren’t fine last week or the week before that. We were never fine!” He grumbled.

“You act as if we were perfect as if the both of us were happy being in a relationship that was so boring, so dull,” Ricky admitted, you watched as the weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

“You say “was” like we aren’t still in a relationship, Ricky.” You blinked back tears because you knew as soon as one of them fell, you wouldn’t be able to control them. 

“God, you didn't even listen to what I said, (y/n).” He sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"I heard you. As much as I wish I didn’t, I did.” You whispered.

“Let me ask you this,” You paused, “Did you feel this way when you were with Nini?”

“What?” He lifted his head from his hands.

“Did you feel this way when you dated Nini? Would you tell her that you took your relationship as a joke? Everything that you just said to me, would you say it to her?” You deadpanned, making direct eye contact with Ricky.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry. I really am but, I don’t know what to tell you.” Ricky shrugged, “I was in love with Nini, she meant everything to me-”

“And I don’t?” You interrupted, fire burning inside of your chest.

“I-I never said that.” He stuttered, inhaling deeply.

“You didn’t have too.” You sighed, breaking eye contact with Ricky.

“You know what, here’s the groceries that I bought for you. Call Nini, eat the snacks, watch the movies, play the board games, I don’t even fucking care.” You scoff, throwing the bags at his feet, turning around and marching towards your car.

Ricky watched from his porch as you sped off. You didn’t even take a second to look back at him.

He thought that breaking up with you would bring him a sense of relief but, what he was experiencing now was definitely not that.

His heart felt ten pounds heavier, his throat stung and his insides felt empty.

Turns out Ricky had it all backwards, he didn’t need to cut you of of his life, he needed assurance that you’d always be in it.

And he just ruined his one and only chance of that happening.

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Matt Cornett, High School Musical: The Musical: The Series

Born in Rogers, Arkansas, Matt had a recurring role on Bella and The Bulldogs and guest starred on The Middle, Southland, and Criminal Minds, among others. He plays E.J., Nini's new love interest, the supremely confident son of two corporate lawyers, who secretly battles the pressure of living up to his picture-perfect Instagram account. Co-captain of the water polo team, senior class treasurer, and trust fund baby...it's not a good idea to cross E.J. if you get something he wants — like the lead in the musical. Check out his Spotlight:

Describe the role of E.J. in High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.

E.J. is Nini’s new boyfriend that she meets at summer camp while taking a break from her old relationship with Ricky. He’s the perfect kid who has everything, raised in wealth and has always gotten what he wants. However, you soon learn that E.J. has a tendency to hide a lot of things about himself, living his life in a metaphorical filter while trying to find out who he really is.

What is your favorite line of his (without any spoilers)?

One of my favorite lines is from the very first episode. And it’s when E.J. says “She thinks I’m a Chad?!” What’s so great about that line is it really truly shows off who E.J. is. He just expects to be playing Troy in the production and when he instead lands the role of Troy’s best friend Chad and sees the outcome of what’s actually happening it really hits him.  He doesn’t really know how to take it. It’s a very humbling moment.

If a theme song played whenever the character that you play entered a room, what song would it be?

That’s a really great question. I think any song that has anything to do feeling overconfident would fit E.J. However, E.J. actually deals with a ton of insecurities and tends to think deep down that he’s not good enough - that he has to put on this facade of being this confident guy. A song that fits perfectly with his inner conflict is “The Way I Am” by Charlie Puth.  This fits so well because it talks about being this person who seems a bit “out there” but if you look underneath the surface, is also a little anxious and insecure.

Do you have a favorite character arc or storyline?

One of my favorite character arcs and storylines is definitely Carlos. I love seeing all of the stuff that he goes through throughout the season. The ups and downs that he faces and the way that he pushes through them is really inspiring.

What inspired you to get into the entertainment industry?

I did theater when I was in middle school, and I fell in love with it instantly. I loved the concept of getting to explore and play so many different characters, create backstories and put your own take on them. My favorite thing is getting to share that love and passion with other people and getting to entertain people with that. I just love making people happy and getting the chance to make people smile and laugh.

Thanks, Matt! Catch High School Musical: The Musical: The Series on Disney+, and stay tuned for the rest of the HSMTMTS Spotlights, going live all week right here!

[berrychiiii]

What The characters in miraculous Ladybug and Tales of Chat noir would listen to.

Marinette

All the stars-Kendrick Lamar ft SZA

Sofia- Clairo

Moonlight- Ariana Grande

Looking out for you-Joy again

Jenny- Studio Killers

In the rain- David Russel (obvi)

Burning Pile- Mother mother 

Maniac- Conan Gray

Just a friend to you- Meghan Trainor

Something stupid- Michael Bublè ft Reese

All i want- High school musical

Baby one more time- Brittney spears

Amour Plastique- Videoclub

Me and my husband- Mitski

Something stupid- Michael Bublè

2. Adrien (I’ll be honest this music he listens to is probably restricted because of his father)

moonlight Sonata-Ludwig Van Beethoven

So this is love- Emile Pandalofi

Merry-Go-Round of life—Nuvo Orchestra (or Grissini Project)

Born to die- Lana del Rey (Probably convinced his father to give him permission to listen to Lana)

Art deco- Lana del Rey

Video Games- Lana del Rey

Young and Beautiful- Lana Del rey

Shades of cool- Lana Del Rey

3) Ladybug(when on Patrol or just when transformed)

Like that- Doja Cat ft Gucci Mans

Stunnin’- Curtis Waters ft Harm Franklin

Maniac-Conan Gray

Candy- Doja Cat

Rules- Doja Cat

In the party- Flo milli

Boys ain’t Sh*t- SAYGRACE

Moment 4 life

Heart of Glass-Miley Cyrus

Dead to me- Kali Uchis

4) Chat noir (his own real choice of music)

Barbie Tingz-Nicki Minaj

Only- Nicki Minaj Ft Chris brown and Jhene

Pills nd Potion

Daddy issues- the Neighbourhood

Mr loverman- Ricky Montgomery

The story- Conan Gray

As the world caves in- Matt Maltese

Slow dancing in the dark- Joji

505-Arctic Monkeys

Why’d you only Call me when you’re high- Arctic monkeys

Pov- Ariana Grande

Love like you- Steven Universe end cred

Do i wanna know- Arctic Monkeys

Afraid-The neighbourhood

R.I.P to my youth- the neighbourhood

Litterally anything from mother mother

Line without a hook- ricky montegomory

5) Alya

Good days- SZA

Juliet-Cavetown

Hayloft- Mother mother

All the things she said- t.A.T.u

Backstabber-Kesha

Girlfriend- Avril Lavigne

Money Macjine- 100gecs

3 Musketeers- Next Youngin

Beef- Flo milli

Kiwi- Harry styles

Ready or not- Bridget Mendler

Beggin’ on your knees for me- Victorious cast

5) Nino

Money Machine-100gecs

Ringtone-100gecs

Nowhere to run- Stegosaurus Rex

Moment- Lil death

Lost umbrella- kaai yuki

Prayer X- Banana Fish

Love me Love me Love me- Kikuo

Stay with me- Miki Matsubra

Cloud 9- Beach bunny

Adore you- Harry styles

Little Dark Ages- MGMT

Mystery of love- Call me by your name

6) Chloe

Cry baby- Melanie Martinez

i hate u i love u- Olivia O’Brien

Michelle- Sit Chloe

i love you- billie eilish

Dollhouse- Melanie Martinez

Pacify her-Melanie Martinez

Cake- Melanie Martinez

^Anything from Melanie Martinez

7) Kagami

Chun li- nicki minaj

Boyfriend- Ariana Grande

No mercy- living tombstone

Landslide- Oh wonder

Still don’t know my name- Labrinth

Ribs- Lorde

Poker face- Lady gaga

Judas- Lady gaga

Just dance- Lady gaga

Rude boy- Rihanna

8) Luka

Why’d you only call me when you’re high- arctic monkeys

Do i wanna know- Arctic monkey

Afraid- The neighbourhood

Cheery Flavoured- the neighbourhood

R U mine?- Arctic monkey

A certain Romance- Arctic Monkey

Baby came home- the neighbourhood

Are you bored yet- Wallows ft Clairo

OK- Wallows

Cool kids- Exhosmith

My ordinary life- the living tombstone

Doubt- twenty one pilots

Space song- Beach house

[hczcls]

hello hello hello !! it’s been a minute since i was in a group setting so forgive me for any mishaps, i am but a lost soul. anywho under the cut is a bit about my child lottie, she’s a mess and a thousand but love her anyways! hmu if you would like to plot or have any wanted connections you can see this child fitting in!

tw:  alcoholism, drug addiction, death, grief, overdose, child neglect, child abuse, underage sex, porn.

APP.

( dove cameron, cisfemale ) - Have you seen CHARLOTTE HALE? LOTTIE is in HER JUNIOR YEAR OF STUDY year. The JOURNALISM MAJOR is/are 23 years old & is a SCORPIO . People say SHE is/are CHARISMATIC, INDEPENDENT, AGGRESSIVE and CRUEL. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that HAS A ONLYFANS.  (mon. 25. est. she/her.)

AESTHETICS.

the last breath during a chilly night out, champagne flutes and forgotten cigarettes on bar counters. melodic laughter of a child unhinged,  fur coats and ripped fishnet stockings, warm hands on cold bodies, spinning until your ears ring and your stomach curdles, the 3 AM headache from a long night out. the screeching sound of the electric guitar, broken glass scattered across an unkempt home, the hollowness of loneliness, blasting music echoing through empty halls, sandy hallways and discarded clothes, screened phone calls and short voicemails, stacks of medical bills and scattered chips of redemption.

- here’s her board!!

SYNOPSIS.

In short, Lottie Haze fits into the cliché realm of a spoiled rich socialite. Growing up the daughter of a famous rockstar did nothing for her humbleness, being the heiress of a family fortune made before her father in the fashion of famous Las Vegas casinos, Lottie was doomed to a life of narcissism and selfishness from the start. Her life is a blur before coming to Yates, she doesn’t delve much into her past and doesn’t stand for the curios pokes and prods from her fellow peers after they watch all the documentaries about her past. Drug abuse, life on the road, the death of her mother, her own overdose at such a young age before being plucked out of her father’s arms. Lottie doesn’t think about it, doesn’t speak about it, but it’s all there, edited from time to time on Wikipedia. Famous for being nothing but the child of the rich, Lottie’s a lot more than meets the eye, but at paper-thin, she’ll allow most to think she’s the typical Instagram influencer, rich, pretty girl plagued with basicness and ignorance.

HISTORY.

Charlotte Haze’s parents weren’t good for each other. It wasn’t a healthy relationship; it wasn’t made from start dust and fairytales. It was a match made in hell, two selfish souls uniting in a mix of tequila and heroin in the back of the Stillborns’ tour bus. Ricky Danger was her father, a name coined from the mind of a self-indulging teenager with too much time on his hand and brain clouded with too many pills. When Jeanette Haze, daughter of a multibillionaire hotel and casino owner, told him the news of their child he was excited, not thinking of the dangers and responsibilities that came along with a child born of wedlock and on the road. Charlotte couldn’t remember a time in her childhood when things were normal, nothing was the cookie-cutter dream house that most children fantasize about, they had no real home, she had no real toys, no friends her age, everything was clouded with smoke and glamour, money and gifts sent to her by her grandparents who couldn’t gain control of their wild daughter and her idiot of a boyfriend  who was too busy dragging their toddler all over the world with them.

Her mother died of heart failure when she was eight, something that happened so fast that she barely had time to register what it was. There were two funerals, the respectable one full of family members she’d never met who touched her blonde curls, cradled her chubby cheeks, told her how much she looked like her mother and the one thrown by her father. Where men all spoke highly of her departed mother, where alcohol was passed around, stories were told, and the friends she grew up with made her smile and laugh, instead of feeling lost and alone. Lottie was too young to know what was going on behind closed doors, too sheltered from her grandparents to know that they were doing everything in their power to take her away from her father, who simply brushed the death of her mother off his shoulders, and carried on in life, numbed by booze and drugs. This lifestyle wasn’t something a child should grow up in, an idiot knew that, but Ricky didn’t see a problem with it, he didn’t see how damaging it was, he didn’t care, and once he thought Lottie was old enough, he shared it with her.

Charlotte was 11 the first time she got drunk, 12 the first the time she smoked weed, 13 the first time she had sex, and fourteen when she first got addicted to cocaine. The list grew as she did, the perfect little star on the road, the daughter of the world’s ‘best’ guitarist, the lead singer of The Stillborns. He was so proud of his girl, he loved her more than anything, and she lived to make him proud. She could remember the concerned looks from tutors on the road, her father hiring them to make sure he could keep Lottie at his side, having her learn from the strangers when she could, paying them off not to speak about the things his daughter was involved in, and everyone turned their head, said nothing. Charlotte didn’t know any better, the life she lived was all she knew, all she loved. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll, just like her mother, she was truly the perfect girl, just like her father had wanted her to be.

That all changed when she was seventeen. when one night her father must have misjudged the dose he helped her shoot into her veins. Ricky had had his fair share of overdoses, his own, his buddies, even the one that put his wife into cardiac arrest and took her from him. Though when his daughter started to convulse, he couldn’t bring himself to do much of anything but push her onto her side and dial 911. He left her in the dutiful hands of his band manager and a family friend before he left her alone to wake up in the hospital with no clue what had happened, no idea where her he was, and an onslaught of CPS agents, police, and paparazzi.

It was all that was needed for her grandparents to finally get custody of Charlotte, proof of her father’s neglect, proof of his horrible influence of the young girl. Lottie waited for him, waited for him to show up at the hospital, show up at court, show up to fight for her, but he never did. He never called, he never wrote, and when Charlotte was moving in with her grandparents in their little ranch in Las Vegas after spending months in a rehabilitation center, she still heard nothing from her father. The tides changed then, Charlotte realized she couldn’t go on living the way she had, the way her mother had, so rather than wait until the day she was eighteen to go back to her old life, she made a new one, or at least she tried to. It was a twisted Cinderella story, at least that’s how the news showed it. The once tragic life of a child of rock & roll turned into the sugary sweet life of a beautiful Instagram star, Charlotte Haze coined a new life for herself, with the watchful and worried eye of her grandmother.

PRESENT.

College seemed like something that would be good. A set routine, a new chance at life, a way to start over…  sure she didn’t do the best at school on the road but was that her fault or the environments. It would be something normal, a true school environment she never got to experience.  Vermont was far, but with some tears and lots of convincing, she was able to get them to agree to let her leave. , and they made sure to give her everything she needed to get on well, with a few standards she had to meet at least. Music would always be apart of Charlotte’s life, even if her father wasn’t, so she figured journalism would be good for her, getting to explore the lives of all the musicians and artists but while also keeping a safe distance from the true lives some lived on the road, not wanting to break her vow to herself, to avoid any and all triggers to her past.

She’s been sober for a while, though the bumps of life have given her a few setbacks, relapsing is part of the process, after all, at least that’s what she told herself each time she embarrassingly returned to her NA meetings or faced the disappointed look of her grandmother who controlled her allowances, basing how much money she fed to the spoiled girl by how stable her life seemed to be at the time. Lottie was going to live her life for herself, she did what she wanted, how she wanted it, though she put on her best appearances for her grandmother, after all, it wasn’t like she was actually going to get a job to support herself, not when she had all the money she could ever ask for in her namesake alone.

SECRET.

Lottie is used to having things handed to her, she’s used to being able to spend her money frivolously, with no care or worry of consequence. But when her grandparents cut her off and the cash flow stops coming in, there’s not much for her to do to keep her materialistic life up. Sure she could get a job on campus, work at a book store, the coffee shop, the record store… but Lottie doesn’t like to work… and she has little patience for tedious things… and so her genius idea was to make money off doing the one thing she never got bored of, sex. Lottie has a secret camgirl/porn account that she earns extra cash from, it’s not something she’s ashamed of at all, but she doesn’t want it getting out on account of her old money grandparents and her widely known father, the last thing she wants to be is a cliche, even if she’s happily living as one.

TLDR.

So basically, Lottie’s got a tricky background, she’s rich af, spoiled af, bitchy af, and kind of just does what she wants whenever she wants. She’s up and down with her sobriety, views everything pretty cockeyed, considering she doesn’t want to trigger herself into using again, but will down a bottle of Grey Goose with little consideration of the consequences. She’s got a lot to hide still, gets her inheritance from her grandparents and that can be easily toyed with, considering they view her life with a magnifying glass. Connection wise she’s open to anything, hookups, passed hookups, ex’s, FWBs, frenemies, best friends, she’s bi and ready to cry so please, love her.

[seblos]

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach - ch 4/10

chapter title: you’re on, lovers!

word count: 1,995

[one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine (coming soon)]

read on ao3

“So,” Ashlyn leans over during history. “You and Seb, huh?”

Carlos looks up from the textbook he was reading in surprise. “What do you mean?” he asked, eyes widening. It wasn’t Ashlyn talking to him that surprised him. They had become closer as rehearsals progressed. Also, when they both had lingered near the GSA poster, Ashlyn had struck up a conversation with him. Turns out she was bi, and theatre queers always stuck together anyway. It was her words, rather, that gets his attention. 

“I mean, you too stare at each other all through rehearsal, you sit together at lunch, he drives you home like every other day,” Ashlyn lists, and Carlos’s heart speeds up. Was it really that obvious? “So are you two together, or…” she trails off.

“No! I mean… not yet,” Carlos feels his cheeks heat up. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind if we were… but no.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Cool. If it helps, he totally likes you too,” she adds.

“How do you know?”

She shrugs. “I just have a feeling.”

“Did he tell you?” Carlos feels his stomach twist. As much as he wanted confirmation that the other boy liked him back, the idea of hearing it from Ashlyn rather than him felt wrong.

“No,” she says, and Carlos lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I mean, I haven’t asked him since I thought you two were already a thing. But we’re in baking club together and when I asked about you he kinda lit up.”

“Oh, okay,” Carlos nods, and his heart swells. “So what should I do about it?”

Ashlyn shrugs again. “I dunno, ask him out?”

He blushes. “No.”

“Alright, that’s on you,” she said. “But you should ask him to hang out or something. Get closer to him, so when you are ready it won’t be awkward.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to ask out Seb,” Carlos mumbles. “I’ve never dated anyone. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend.”

Ashlyn smiles sweetly. “I’m pretty sure he hasn’t either. It’s something you can figure out together, you know.”

After she says that, their teacher scolds them for talking, and the two bend back over the worksheet they’re supposed to be working on. As he stares at the textbook, though, Carlos can’t help but think about what Ashlyn said. They would be figuring it out together. It’s hard to believe that someone like Seb could possibly like him back, but it might just be true, and the idea of it makes Carlos’s heart leap to his throat.

—

“Every time we end rehearsal early, I feel like my life is a lot more like Glee than I think it is,” Carlos says, rolling his eyes as he zips up his backpack from yet another badly ended rehearsal. They had barely lasted half an hour today. At this rate, they’re never going to get the blocking done by the show. 

Seb laughs from where he’s organizing his sheet music over at the piano. Everyone had already filed out of the room, but Carlos purposely had taken his time, knowing that Seb would most likely be the last one out. By this point, it was just routine.

“To be fair, Miss Jenn was definitely a Rachel Berry in high school,” Seb comments, stuffing the folder in his backpack, and Carlos snorts lightly. “So,” he says, swinging his backpack onto his back. “Since rehearsal ended early, I’m assuming I’m driving you home?”

Carlos is about to say yes until he remembers what Ashlyn had told him earlier. Before he can overthink it, Carlos asks, “Or we could hang out? Since it did end so early… could we do chem homework or something together at my house?”

Seb looks surprised at first, and Carlos’s heart is still beating quickly, but the shock wears off quickly and is instead replaced with a smile. 

“Sure, I’d love to,” Seb says. 

As they’re walking out together, their hands brush together for a moment, and Carlos can’t tell if it’s on purpose or not. He debates grabbing Seb’s hand for a moment but ends up just grabbing the strap of his backpack instead to resist the urge.

Carlos swears that he sees Seb’s expression drop for just a second, but it’s so quick he probably just imagined it.

They still end up having Georgie give them a ride, who is surprisingly not upset about having driven all the way to the school just to drive the two of them back to Carlos’s house. Rather, she just gives Seb a sort of half-smile. He immediately blushes, giving her the stink eye, and Georgie just laughs.

On the ride over, though, Carlos realizes what they’re about to do. Seb is about to be in his house, in his room. He doesn’t know the last time he’s had someone in his room since 7th grade. Sure, Seb knows about his weird, split family already, but the idea of him experiencing it is so much scarier for some reason. He tried not to overthink it as Seb stepped into his house. 

“Carlos? Is that you, mijo?” his mother calls as he shuts the door, and Carlos suddenly realizes that he should have checked with his mom if Seb could come over before he invited him. To be fair, though, he’s never really done this before. 

“Hi, mamá!” He says as his mom steps into view. “I brought Seb over to work on some chemistry homework, I hope that’s okay.” 

He’s expecting some sort of disapproving look or passive aggressive comment about checking with her before bringing someone over. Instead, “So this is the Sebastian I’ve heard so much about!” is what his mother says, much to his surprise. 

“It’s great to meet you, Ms. Rodriguez,” Seb says with a smile, and his mom raises a sly eyebrow at Carlos, who only gives her a look in return. 

“Seb, are you staying for dinner?” she asks, turning her attention back to the boy.

“Oh, no, I need to be home to finish my chores. Thank you so much though!” 

“Chores, huh?” Now it’s Ms. Rodriguez’s turn to smile. “You could learn something from this boy, Carlos.”

Carlos just rolls his eyes. “I do some chores!” He defends. “Also, I told you mamá, Seb lives on a farm. His chores are a bit different from mine.”

“Alright, well, I’ll let you two get your homework done,” she dismisses them, and Carlos leads Seb upstairs to his room.

When they first enter it, Carlos immediately goes to his bed. He motions for Seb to sit down, who does so hesitantly. Neither of them say a word for a moment, and Carlos worries that he’s made a mistake inviting Seb over here. 

As if on cue, Seb breaks the silence.”So, you talk about me to your mom, huh?” he teases, and Carlos hits him with a pillow.

“To be fair, she asked about you,” he says, which releases the tension as both of them relax, getting back to their normal selves.

They both take out their chemistry homework, but it ends up lying abandoned on Carlos’s desk in favor of the two of them discussing theater and rehearsal.

“Can I just say, your facial expressions while Nini and EJ were singing were priceless! If I wasn’t so focused on hoping that this rehearsal would actually stay together, I would have lost it watching you.” Carlos laughs, and Seb glares at him harmlessly. 

“Let’s just say I definitely liked out version better! I’m telling you, trying to keep a straight face was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Surprised I can do anything straight, to be honest,” Seb says cheekily from where he’s laying on his stomach the foot of Carlos’s bed.

(The joke doesn’t exactly take Carlos by surprise, but just the casualness of it does. He had only ever made those kinds of jokes with Ashlyn, and had forgotten that he was able to make them with Seb too.)

“I love Nini, I do, but sometimes her ability to jump from boy to boy surprises me,” Seb continues. His phone lights up with a text notification, and he picks it up to read. “Speak of the devil, Nini just texted to tell me that she and EJ have officially broken up. Blocked his number and everything.”

“Wow,” Carlos raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you and Nini were friends.”

“Yeah, well, we met when we were young. Only other kid I knew that had two last names, which we decided to be the basis of our friendship, I guess. I ended up transferring schools, and I guess she skipped a grade or something because we didn’t meet again until last year when I got to East High and we got reintroduced during Brigadoon,” Seb explained.

Carlos nods along. He knew that Seb didn’t go to the middle school he had gone to with Nini and Ricky and all the others, but somehow it never occurred to him that he knew them before high school.

“I never really got close to her,” Carlos says, surprising himself. “I mean, we're friendly, but I guess I didn’t really think we had much in common. Plus Gabriella isn’t in any of the huge dance numbers, so I guess that’s how I ended up migrating more towards you and Gina.” 

He’s never really talked about his differences with the rest of the cast with anyone else because, well, he doesn’t really talk to the cast in general. Part of him wants to open up to Seb about the weird balance of being a sophomore who has some sort of authorial power over the upperclassman, but he can’t exactly put it into words and it hurts his head to think about. He files that thought away for later as Seb starts talking again.

“Are you calling me a dancer?” He asks, sticking his leg up for a moment. His tone is joking, but the smile across his face seems genuine, and it makes Carlos’s heart melt.

“Mmm, you could use some work,” he says, looking Seb up and down as if he’s judging his form, causing Seb to blush lightly. “No, but actually, you are a really good dancer. Compared to some of the others at least,” Carlos laughs, and Seb joins in.

“Wow, so kind of you,” he says, rolling his eyes although the smile is still spread across his face. “I’m kidding, I don’t even begin to compare to Gina and some of the ensemble. I would kill to be able to move so easily like that.”

“I think you’re doing fine, considering your lack of dance training,” Carlos says, and now it’s Seb’s turn to hit him with a pillow. “Although…” he starts as he considers how this idea will go over with Seb. “If you wanted to, I could give you dance lessons? Like before school or something?”

He’s expecting Seb to reject the idea or come up with excuses. Instead, the other boy's eyes light up and he props himself up on his elbows. “Really?” he asks excitedly, and Carlos sits up straighter.

“I mean yeah, if you genuinely want to improve and you want extra time practicing,” he says with a smile. “We could do once a week, or non-rehearsal days, whatever is best for you!”

“Non-rehearsal days would actually be perfect!”

“So do you want to start this Friday?” Carlos asks since that would be their closest non-rehearsal day. “Maybe, like, 7:00? Gives us about half an hour before homeroom. Or is that too early?”

Seb shakes his head. “I’m up every morning at 5:30 in the morning anyway, so 7 works fine for me!” he smiles.

Carlos smiles back before he processes what Seb had just said. “Geez, 5:30? That’s so early,” he says disgustedly. 

The way Seb laughs makes his head spin, and suddenly Carlos doesn’t know how he’s going to be able to survive private rehearsals in a few days. 

[rgr-pop]

I need an ENTIRE afternoon wall of noise. 4/3 music library on shuffle until I hit a killdozer song.

the thermals - “god and country” reset - "double cross" nirvana - "polly" (1986-88 home recording) nirvana - "radio friendly unit shifter" (2013 mix) peterbuilt - "sateliteyes" the dickies - "got it at the store" apocalypse hoboken - "box of pills" fiona apple - "slow like honey" tex & the horseheads - "big boss man" everclear - "the drama king" anti-flag - "america got it right" neil young - "tonight's the night, pt. ii" everclear - "brown-eyed girl" noooooooooo oh my god no please millencolin - “israelites" listen you know that i'm p tolerant when it comes to this subject but why specifically did you boys do this. specifically you useless id - "note" never accuse me of pop punk nationalism again! that's three of global pop punk the selecter - "selling out your future" built to spill - "some things last a long time" holidays - "proof" let's wrestle - "bad mammaries" radhos - "one breath" ween - "boing" bracket - "g-vibe" local h - "'cha!' said the kitty" sublime - "40oz to freedom" failure - "saturday saviour" blink-182 - "don't leave me" (tmtts live take) why did they make this live album, they were so bad live shrimp boat - "melon song" interpol - "not even jail" the ataris - "angry nerd rock" 50 million - "superhero" skankin pickle - "violent love" the breeders - "put on a side" all - "honey peeps" the commandos (suicide commandos) - "weekend warrior" suicide machines - "friends are hard to find" the eclectics - "laura" good ska block! love this band pansy division - "jack u off" rocket from the tombs - "ain't it fun" dynamite boy - "devoted" young pioneers - "downtown tragedy" the breeders - "so sad about us" fenix tx - "jean claude trans am" fuck i love this song nofx - "bob" hickey - "happily ever after" bob dylan - "tangled up in blue" (bootlegs vol. 2) gas huffer - "king of hubcaps" tullycraft - "crush this town" atom and his package - "goalie" faith no more - "the real thing" carly rae jepsen - "tell me" bis - "listen up" one direction - "still the one" mtx - "she's no rocket scientist" eugene chadbourne - "roger miller medley" grouvie ghoulies - "carly simon" white town - "thursday at the blue note" gas huffer - "moon mission" rx bandits - "sleepy tyme" everclear - "rocket for the girl" failure - "kindred" blood on the saddle - "johnny's at the fair" the distillers - "red carpet and rebellion" cruiserweight - "dearest drew" stp - "plush" everclear - "wonderful" (live, from the closure ep) (don't hate it) new found glory - "sonny" everclear - "otis redding" (impure white evil demo) (BEST song) stp - "adhesive" incubus - "have you ever" cub - "tell me now" everclear - "short blonde hair" i simply do not hate it letters to cleo - "happy ever after" amazing transparent man - “the ocean is a fuck of a long way to swim” nerf herder - “(stand by your) manatee” kitty kitty - “ab tokeless” osker - “the mistakes you made” perfume genius - “hood” radhos - “shut up & deal” (welcome to the jungle take) osker - “the body”  gas huffer - “the sin of sloth” the fall - “bombast” excuse 17 - “code red” mad season - “lifeless dead” unwritten law - “differences” hanson - “two tears” the eyeliners - “anywhere but here” moby grape - “lazy me” brian wilson - “wonderful” 88 fingers louie - “something i don’t know” sicko - “wisdom tooth weekend” the replacements - “love you till friday” suicide machines - “green world” midtown - “another boy” hickey - “cool kids attacked by flying monkeys” the roman invasion suite - “carnations” the beat - “tears of a clown” local h - “24 hour break up session” okay i’m awake i want to end this now toots & the maytals - “funky kingston” local h - “strict-9″ his name is alive - “her eyes were huge things” nirvana - “frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle” slapstick - “almost punk enough” urge overkill - “bionic revolution” janet jackson - “you want this” piebald - “long nights” small brown bike - “now i’m a shadow” the story so far - “left unsaid” crj - “more than a memory” tracy + the plastics - “my friends end parties” liz phair - “6′1″“ fastbacks - “555, pt. 1″ this mix is feminist now swindle - “one track” shockabilly - “burma shave” temple of the dog - “say hello to heaven” amazing transparent man - “shove” cool soul asylum cover from dekalb illinois :)) the vindictives “eating me alive” midwests only!! the judys - “radiation squirm” gulfs only!! frogpond - “sleep” flipp - “rock-n-roll star” throwing muses - “red shoes” everclear - “santa monica” throwing muses on summerland??? mekons - “atone & forsaken” holidays - “take me home country roads” this is a good tone to lead up to killdozer... true believers - “all mixed up again” prince - “adore” beulah - “queen of the populists” eveclear - “rocky mountain high” (99x live acoustic--I don’t have a date for this actually) of montreal - “dustin hoffman thinks about eating the soap” heatmiser - “stray” rickie lee jones - “woody and dutch on the slow train to peking” tar - “viaduct removal” common rider - “carry on” the frogs - “u bastards” mudhoney - “this gift” hammerbox - “outside” fuck my mom would have loved this song if it had gotten the airplay it deserved in 1993... hammerbox on summerland!!!! letters to cleo - “little rosa” kay hanley on summerland!! nine pound hammer “wrongside of the road” hanson - “with you in your dreams” (3cg demo) hamson on summerland!!! fastbacks - “555, pt. 1″ again... fastbacks on summerland!!! face to face - “sensible” soul asylum - “happy” soul asylum on summerland!!!! television - “see no evil” pinq - “careful not to mention the obvious” the dickies - “nights in white satin” tar - “mel’s” truly - “chlorine” babes in toyland - “deep song” hole - “berry” hellbender - “half driven” hammerhead  - “new york? ...alone?” everclear - “malevolent” guzzard - “last”  archers of loaf - “tatyana” hum - “stars” hum on summerland die kreuzen - “don’t say please” this is not fair joanna newsom - “sadie” down by law - “peace, love and understanding” nirvana - “aneurysm” (1990 demo) hovercraft - “endoradiosonde” modest mouse - “cowboy dan” rage against the machine - “born of a broken man” skatalites - “scandal ska” pylon - “driving school” the vindictives - “babysitter” jimmy eat world - “ten” the get up kids - “lowercase west thomas” oh we’re doing this now? hot rod circuit - “knees” fine triple fast action - “the rescue” FINE  full disclosure i do skip emo diaries tracks at my discretion the amps - “bragging party” everclear - “am radio” this is not fair mxpx - “middlename” MXPX ON SUMMERLAND chokebore - “your let down” bob dylan - “you’re a big girl now” helmet - “primitive” pond - “filterless” blink-182 - “all the small things” local h - “ralph” tar - “over and out” pearl jam - “black” the gits - “sniveling little rat faced git” local h - “eddie vedder” >:) tar - “flow plow” i always misremember this as a subpop single so i’m like “i’m not amphetamine reptile biased?” but it was an a/r release, lol. brad wood produced it. lake michigan as hell  unicorns - “jellybones” this song makes me sad ever since i didn’t get to adopt the jellybones cat oblivion - “clark” desmond dekker - “jeserene” veruca salt - “one last time” veruca salt on summerland!!!! dead moon - “dead moon night” extremely dead moon on summerland fishbone - “i like to hide behind my glasses” dead moon - “on my own” paw - “sleeping bag” tar - “goethe” doc dart - “casket with flowers” smashing pumpkins - “zero” i don’t want billy corgan on summerland and i am sorry for that kicking giant - “&” kicking giant on summerland lmao shockabilly - “pile up all architecture” ween - “sorry charlie” sublime - “april 29, 1992 (miami)” heatmiser - “blackout” the clash - “pressure drop” hellbender - “pissant’s retrospective” the queers - “i won’t be” the vindictives - “circles” the beat farmers - “selfish heart” screaming trees - “end of the universe” 7 year bitch - “second hand” bourgeois filth - “above” nirvana - “scoff” the breeders - “cannonball” saturday looks good to me - “save my life” cara beth satalino - “good ones” communique - “dagger version” soul asylum - “sometime to return” sublime - “jailhouse” tullycraft - “twee” nuns - “wild” beyonce - “countdown” the replacements - “sixteen blue” living colour - “what’s your favorite color” britney - “why should i be sad” mdc - “church and state” alice in chains - “junkhead” rage against the machine - “mic check” everclear - “nervous and weird” soundgarden - “fresh tendrils” helmet - “army of me” the gits - “it all dies anyway” pansy division - “smells like queer spirit” mtx - “i’d do anything for you” 5 year sentence - “just a punk” pennywise - “nothing” mudhoney - “thirteenth floor opening” yesterday’s kids - “eighteen” mxpx - “punk rawk show” small brown bike - “zerosum” incubus - “trouble in 421″ hanson - “speechless” incubus - “circles” dead moon - “my time has come” (!!!!) first of all is this killdozer blink-182 - “here’s your letter” everclear - “electra made me blind” (nervous & weird take) saves the day - “through being cool” groovie ghoulies - “don’t go out into the rain (you’re gonna melt)” babes in toyland - “never” husker du - “target” guzzard - “biro” fairweather - “next day flight” mcr - “house of wolves” broadcast - “until then” liz phair - “never said” the dicks - “rich daddy” quasi - “the iron worm” mustard plug - “not again” janitor joe - “boyfriend” snapcase - “new academy” neil young - “someday” blindsided - “spaceman” placebo - “without you i’m nothing” the creeps - “lakeside cabin” solomon grundy - “time is not your own” the clash - “the card cheat” silversun pickups - “common reactor” lagwagon - “leave the light on” denali - “where i landed” system of a down - “highway song” sprinkler - “personality doll” the vindictives - “structure and function” unplugged” the queers - “ursula finally has tits” we’re entering no repeats territory  buffalo springfield - “expecting to fly” hit squad - “pictures of matchstick men” cows - “almost a god” hop along - “young and happy” pixies - “i’ve been tired” the fall - “spoilt victorian child” camper van chadbourne - “knock on the door” queens of the stone age - “tension head” choking victim - “war story” cool that we have gotten to drop by the greatest song ever recorded :) guttermount - “happy loving couples” audio karate - “nintendo 89″ tad - “pork chop” the kelley deal 6000 - “where did the home team go” colorfinger - “hateful” :} man or astroman - “evil plans of planet spectra” pere ubu - “arabian nights” accepting repeats for  new found glory - “my friends over you” cool moving on american steel - “optimist” tom petty & the heartbreakers - “even the losers” meat puppets - “another moon” black cat music - “wine in a box” wallside - “ready” crucifucks - “pig in a blanket” the bananas - “my charmed life”

KILLDOZER - “EARL SCHEIB,” UNCOMPROMISING WAR ON ART UNDER THE DICTATORSHIP OF THE PROLETARIAT, 1994. KILLDOZER ON SUMMERLAND