#from the start they also make it clear all the men her age want her | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anakinstwinklebunny · 3 months ago

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SUGARDADDY!ANAKIN HEADCANONS

TW: at some point it contains extremely filthy sexual content, so if you're sensitive to that or don't feel comfortable with it, please do not read it for your own safety and comfort. Daddy kink, breast play, praise kink, reader is younger than anakin but she's also off the age! (which means i won't give her specific age, but she's definitely NOT a minor). Lightly relationship with benefits (at first)

Author's note: and he happened to be the rich CEO 🤭

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is at the restaurant for a high-stakes business meeting with some important clients. He’s there to close a deal, his mind fully focused on the negotiations, but the moment he spots you, his attention falters. You’re the one serving his table, and despite the chaos of the busy restaurant, he can’t take his eyes off you. Your charm, your smile, the way you carry yourself—it’s all incredibly enticing to him. He’s captivated by the way you interact with customers, maintaining grace under pressure. After the meeting, Anakin leaves an exorbitant tip, much larger than necessary. Along with it, there’s a business card with just his name and number, a subtle but unmistakable invitation for you to contact him.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, after you muster the courage to text him, he invites you out for coffee, a subtle test to see if you’re interested. He’s direct but not pushy when he suggests an arrangement—offering financial support in exchange for your company. At first it surprises you, since it's uncommon for you to gain interest from older men..but, he was polite, very polite (you couldn't help but compare him to guys your age). Seemed like a true gentleman with specific needs you were suggested to fullfil

Sugardaddy!Anakin who makes it clear that he’s not interested in just a transactional relationship. He wants to spoil you, yes, but he also craves your genuine presence, your wit, and your warmth.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who made you sign NDA before any further actions. And after that, the first few dates involved extravagant dinners at the most exclusive restaurants, shopping trips where he insists you pick out anything you like, and even trips to luxurious resorts. He loves seeing you adorned in the finest things that his wealth can buy.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, despite his powerful position, Anakin values privacy and keeps your relationship under wraps. He’s protective of you, not wanting the media or his corporate world to interfere.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who often sends his private driver to pick you up, whether it’s for a date or just to bring you to his penthouse after a long day. He makes sure you’re always comfortable and safe.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a soft spot for you that his colleagues would be shocked to see. He’s attentive to your needs, whether it’s something simple like remembering your favorite coffee order or something more intimate, like understanding when you need space or affection.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is fiercely protective

Sugardaddy!Anakin who takes a genuine interest in your ambitions and goals. Whether you’re in school, pursuing a career, or exploring new hobbies, he’s there to support you—financially and emotionally. He offers advice, mentorship, and even opportunities within his vast business empire.

What starts as a sugar daddy arrangement quickly grows into something deeper. Anakin finds himself genuinely falling for you. The way you challenge him, care for him, and bring a sense of normalcy to his chaotic life makes you more than just a 'sugar baby'

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, the stoic CEO, surprises himself with how open he becomes with you. He shares his fears, his past, and his hopes for the future. You’re the only one who gets to see the man behind the powerful exterior.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who doesn't mind age gap although, when you're sometimes showing him something he has no idea what it is (like social media and stuff). So he's kind of a boomer..just a tiny bit..

Sugardaddy!Anakin who takes you on spontaneous trips to the most exotic destinations. Private jets, luxury yachts, and five-star hotels are the norm. He loves the idea of you experiencing the best life has to offer, especially when you’re together

Sugardaddy!Anakin who often works late into the night, but he makes time to talk to you before bed (sometimes it'd be a call but sometimes it'd be a small talk face-to-face);

He sighed as the door clicked shut behind him, the exhaustion of the day slipping through him as he loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves. Despite the fatigue, the thought of coming home to you brought a sense of peace. “How’s my favorite girl doing?” he asked softly, tilting your chin up after walking into the living room.

“I’m alright… just dying to get some sleep,” you murmured with soft voice.

A smile tugged at his lips as he took you in—curled up on the couch, wearing one of his oversized shirts that nearly swallowed you whole. The sight was enough to erase any lingering stress. “Poor girl,” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Sorry I’m so late.”

“S’okay…” your eyes heavy with sleep.

“Let’s get you to bed,” he murmured, his arms slipping around your waist to lift you effortlessly. With your legs wrapped around his waist, your face snuggled to his shoulder z he couldn’t help but notice how precious and absolutely beautiful you looked, wrapped in his shirt, with no make-up on. It was a simple moment yet with you in his arms, nothing else mattered.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is attentive and loves to make you feel special in every way. He’s dominant yet caring (so it makes him a soft dom), always ensuring your needs are met. So the intimacy between you two is intense;

you'd had sex almost daily over the last two months but you, nor him, would never initiated it in half-public before. It wasn't something you'd do, you were more of a private person however...the slight possibility that the driver could glance in the mirror and see you sent a strange thrill cursing down your stomach..

Well, you live once..

It wasn't your first time giving Anakin a blowjob, yet, you still couldn't fully get used to how big he was. How thick and long.

With your watery eyes, you whimpered, tasting the salty sweetness of him before swirling your tongue around his head. Slowly, softly at first, as if checking the territory, them you did it with more confidence, falling into the rhythm of just sucking, licking and bobbing till you were soaked

It shouldn't turn you on like it did. But yet, the feeling of his member filling your mouth, his large hand sank in your hair, his soft groans and whimpers made you twist yourself in pleasure.

Your eyes watery, your underwear wet, your nipples hard and this sensitive skin that burned with never ending fire for this man made you completely forgot how you got here, where you are or even where you're supposed to go

"That's right baby..take every inch like a good girl.." the words slipped through his lightly opened mouth in a moan

He grips your ass cheeks tightly, spreading them apart to get a better angle as he thrusts into you from behind. "Look at this ass, baby...so fucking perfect... gonna fucking own this ass..." He growls, his hands moving to slap your right cheek hard.

You were a mess; holding for dear life to the kitchen counter with nothing but moans leaving your mouth. Not even your eyes could stay open anymore, as they rolled or closed automatically in the feeling

He hisses through his teeth as he feels your squishy walls clench around him, gripping him tightly "That's it, baby...take it all...You're being such a good girl..." h his hands moved to grip your hips tightly as he continues to thrust with more intensity, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filling the kitchen.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who loves having you ride him;

His fingers dug into your hips, encouraging you to set a faster pace as his own hips lifted to meet yours, the two of you falling into a rhythm. "just like that, baby...you look so good on top of me"

"yeah?" You whimper out, feeling like going crazy with his member deep inside you

His hands slide up your waist to your breasts, cupping them gently as he praises you. "Definitely..riding me like a real cowgirl.."

your mouth opened to let a moan escape your lips and, to feel more, you sped up a little bit

He grins wickedly up at you, his hips bucking upwards to meet yours while he toys with your peaks "You like that, baby? Like daddy playing with your pretty little toys?"

"love it" your mouth lightly opened in pleasure

"Good girl...gosh..could stay buried inside of you forever." Anakin lets out a groan, his eyes rolling back as the feeling of you sinking down onto him once more and it suddenly gets too much to bear. "Fuck, baby...you feel so good...such an eager girl to please me..keep that pace, baby...want to watch you fall apart on top of me"

Sugardaddy!Anakin who loves when you visit him at the office, especially after hours when most of his employees went home

Sugardaddy!Anakin who even if makes love to you a bit roughly sometimes, he can for sure be very gentle;

He slowly enters you, his touch gentle as he cups your face tenderly. "gonna go nice and slow, alright?" He whispers softly, his hips moving in a gentle rhythm. "if you wanna stop just say the word.."

"okay" you whimper

He enters you inch by inch, his touch gentle as he kisses you passionately. "You're so tight, baby...feels so good..." his pace slow and gentle. He leans down and kisses you slowly as if you were a ceramic doll he was scared to break "my beautiful girl.. doing so good for me"

your warmth enveloped his senses and it only made him more crazy for you. You just seemed so perfect to him. Even your flaws were something he deeply cherished, found captivating, irresistible

"you okay, baby?" He whispers softly, his voice laced with autonomical concern. "wanna go slower?"

"yes, please" you whisper-moan

He slows down even more, his movements almost imperceptible as he carefully makes love to you. "there we go...so slow and gentle...just for you, baby..." He leans down to kiss your neck softly, his breath warm against your skin. "love you so much, you know? Gosh, could do anything for you.. you have me wrapped around your finger.."

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a particular obsession with lingerie. He frequently buys you the most luxurious pieces—silk, lace, and satin—in colors he knows you look stunning in. Seeing you dressed up in something he chose just for you ignites a fire in him, and he loves taking his time to remove each piece, savoring the reveal of your body

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a possessive streak, and it shows in how he wants to leave marks on you—not just hickeys, but subtle reminders that you belong to him. He’ll trace his fingers over the marks later, a satisfied smirk on his face as he sees the evidence of your passion..but stil..;

He was laying on his side with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, holding you close as if you might slip away in the night. You were slowly drifting off to sleep, in comparison to anakin, whose sleep eluded him. He lay there quietly, his eyes tracing the familiar curves of your body in the darkness, as if rediscovering them for the first time.

His gaze lingered on the spots where his touches had left their mark. Faint hickeys dotted your upper thighs and hips, and a few more adorned your neck and collarbone. He couldn’t help but admire the evidence of his desire for you, the way he’d claimed your body as his own. The possessive satisfaction he felt was undeniable, yet there was also a tender need to ensure that his passion hadn’t caused you any pain.

"Does it hurt?" he whispered, his voice barely audible in the quiet room.

"No... I'm fine," you murmured half-asleep

"You sure?" His fingers brushed over one of the darker marks, tracing gentle circles on the sensitive skin of your hip.

"Mhm... it's nothing serious"

He hummed in acknowledgment, though the worry still lingered. He couldn't shake the need to make sure you were truly okay. His hand slowly moved up to gently push your hair aside, exposing the smooth skin of your neck and shoulder. Leaning in, he nuzzled his face into the curve of your neck, his lips brushing against the tender spot he had marked earlier. "Sorry," he whispered, his voice a mix of apology and affection

"It's okay, really" you whispered back, your hand finding its way into his messy curls. Your fingers gently stroking through them as if to soothe both him and yourself.

He pressed another soft kiss to your skin, letting his lips linger against it. The warmth of your body, the steady rise and fall of your chest, and the feel of your hand in his hair finally began to ease his mind. Holding you close, he let the lingering guilt fade, quickly replacing it by the comforting knowledge that you were safe and okay

Sugardaddy!Anakin who enjoys the thrill of teasing you in public settings, knowing you have to keep your composure. A subtle hand on your thigh under the dinner table, his fingers tracing dangerously close to your inner thigh, or whispering in your ear about what he plans to do to you later, all heighten the anticipation for when you’re finally alone.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, over time, begins to consider a more permanent relationship with you. He starts dropping hints about you moving in, or even starting a family someday.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who's definitely into some roleplay (but mostly you surprise him with them)

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is open to exploring new things in the bedroom, and he enjoys introducing toys into your sex life. Whether it’s a silk blindfold, a vibrator, or even some light bondage, he knows exactly how to push your boundaries while making you feel safe and loved.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, despite his dominant and sometimes intense nature, Anakin is always attentive to your needs afterward. He makes sure you’re comfortable, bringing you water, wrapping you in soft blankets, and holding you close. His fingers gently stroke your hair as he whispers sweet words, grounding you after an intense session.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who's more of a type of guy to send you flowers when he's out for business trip or etc

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a habit of giving you jewelry that symbolizes his ownership. A necklace with his initials, a bracelet that matches his watch

Sugardaddy!Anakin who loves playing with your breasts;

"Dirty little thing, aren't you? You just love when daddy plays with your big tits, hmm?" his fingers pinching and rolling your nipples

"Mhm.." you lightly wriggled on his lap, feeling the well known hardness poking between your legs

"And you're mine, aren't you, love? This beautiful girl wouldn't leave me, now would you angel?"

Sugardaddy!Anakin who had an actual conversation with you about taking things more seriously, if you even wanted. And soon later he proposed to you

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @erosmutt @haydensprettyprincess @mistress-amidala @catnipaddictt @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @literally-izzy @anisluvrgirl @fuckmyskywalker @slutforfinnickodair

(if you want to be removed or added then don't be shy and let me know 💋)

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dcxdpdabbles · 1 year ago

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Any new ideas for congratulations! It's triplets? Love the idea of Jason just freaking out and trying to figure out how to build a relationship with his kids while being made fun of by his family and said kids. Especially if he goes overprotective mode because Danny has clown trauma too and gets snagged by the joker

Jason watches as Danny- his son.- impatiently taps his fingers against the table. His boy's gaze was looking at everything, taking in the big fancy Wayne Mannor with a sort of disinterest he was not expecting of a child so young.

His sister and Brother- both with alarmingly similar names- were also disinterested, but Dani was swinging her legs, and Dan was tapping his spoon and fork against the table in a fast-paced drumming.

It's strange to know he would fidget a lot as a kid but he always resorted to finger tapping. Was the tripples little habit from him? He wonders what else they inherited and what he missed out on seeing.

"I don't understand," Jasmine said, overlooking the contract Bruce's lawyers wrote up. " Why would you want custody now? It's been five years."

"I didn't know." Jason swallows past the lump in his throat as she gives him an unimpressed stare over the paper. He feels Bruce place a hand on his shoulder, and the silent support allows him to continue. "If I have, I wouldn't have ever let them grow up without me."

"Jason doesn't want full custody," Tim cuts in with a soft voice that has tricked lesser men into selling their shares. He and the rest of his family are all sitting across from Jassmin Fenton, as she is carefully lured back to the manor to discuss their next step. "He just wants to be part of his kid's lives and would happily share that with you."

"Not telling him about the kids sort of played into that," Steph mutters tactlessly. Unfortunately, her voice carries, and the woman across from them bristles.

There is a tense moment where he thinks Jassmin is about to curse them all out before she sighs and slumps in her seat. "Well, it wasn't like I had a means to contact you when I found out. You gave me a fake name."

Jason winces. "I sort of forgot I told you my name was Petter."

"Wasn't a total lie" Dani chirps "It is your middle name."

Jasmine rubs her eyes. "Look, Jason, I don't want to stop you from seeing the kids, but this is all too much right now. I'm dealing with a lot right now-"

"You are currently homeless," Damian cuts in, causing Jasmine to stop in genuine bewilderment.

"No, we're not." Dan scoffs. "You were waiting for us at our house. Waiting to ambush us."

"The house that was on the street that Poison Ivy just destroyed," The boy says, showing everyone his phone screen. There, clear as day is, their home is nothing but rumble. Jasmine's face spams, and she quickly checks her phone, paling at what she reads.

"Oh, Ancients. It's gone. It's all gone," She whispers, gripping the phone. The three kids immediately stiffen, watching their mother with strange intensity. Too aware of what this means.

They were mature for their age, and that is never a good thing.

Oh gods. Did his children live on the streets? Had Jason's carelessness hurt his children like his parents have hurt him?

"Mom?" Danny asks and that seems to snap Jasmine out of her spirl.

"Hotel!" She gasps, hands shaking as she quickly starts tapping on her phone. Jason catches a glimpse of her screen and realizes she is making a to-do list. "I have to book a hotel room. Call the insurance company, go and try to salvage whatever we can....what else?"

"You can stay here, Fenton," Damian surprisingly offers. "Until your home is rebuilt"

"We couldn't possibly-"

"Hotels are expensive, and you must focus on other more important needs. Father certainly has the space."

Jason jerks into action. "This will also give me a chance to connect with the kids!"

Jasmine bites her lip, turning to her children. Jason could appreciate that she was willing to include them in big decisions. The three nodded, so she eventually sighs.

"Alright. But only until I can get our housing settled. And I'll pay rent"

Jason would argue but he recognized the look in her eye. She would not be sway from making payments. So he agrees, tapping his fingers on the table in a specific rhythm to make sure his family agrees too.

He knows it pains Bruce- the old man already thinks of the triplets as his grandchildren and the idea of charging them to live with him will kill him.

Jason notices the way Dan's eyes zero in on his tapping and the glance around the family members. He fights a proud grin when realization bleeds into his boy's eyes. He's got a smart one, likely aware of that the tapping is a form of Morse code.

Tim did say- after pulling up all files of the four- that his children had developed insane intelligence. Maybe he should get them tested for certification geniuses.

"Hey Mr. Jason," Dani suddenly speaks up.

"Yes Darling?"

"I suggest you remove your eyes from my mom before I remove them from your face." The little girl even punches her palm in a poor intimidation attempt. His heart melts.

Then his face turns a dark red hue at Jasmine's raised brow. Unwillingly flashes of thier last time being face-to face rise in his mind. He coughs awkwardly as his sons face become as protective as their sister, Dan cracking his knuckles and Danny reaching for a knife.

"Oh yeah" Tim deadpans watching the kids reaction "No need for DNA test. Those are definitely Jason's kids"

He agrees, he just hopes he can show his children he plans on sticking around and being the father they deserve.

No one notices Cass and Steph slip away to deal with Posion Ivy. Jason kinda wants to send her a thank you gift for making it possible to have his family move into the manor.

#dcxdpdabbles #dc x dp crossover #Congratulations! Its Triplets!#the Dannies are protective of Jazz #Jason is more focus on being a dad but he does have a interest in Jazz #Damian is plotting on being the best uncle #The Waynes vs the Custody battle

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trippinsorrows · 5 months ago

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looking through your eyes + one

authors note: hi! this is a complete rework from another roman story i wrote but needed to redo. it's a mafia au, so understandably super dark. a 'blink and you'll miss it' bit of a beauty and the beast retelling. not meant to be anything groundbreaking or unlike most mafia stories.

i've found that my writing is best when 2nd person pov, so i wanted to challenge myself to make this third person to better my writing, thus, bear with me, ya'll. :)

if any cw/tw's are missed, please let me know, and i will add them!

cw/tw: language, violence against women, mention of parental death, vague hinting at past sexual trauma

song inspo: 'looking through your eyes' by leann rimes

words: 5.2k

Through trial and error, mostly error, a lot of error, Solana Miller has learned and mastered most of the things that upset her father.

Speaking out of turn. Meals not being ready on time. The house being a “mess.” The actual list is a living breathing thing that grows with each day and every unfortunate occurrence, but always at the very top of this list is lack of punctuality.

There’s nothing Xavier Miller hates more than lateness.

And that’s exactly what she is.

Solana nearly faceplants into the three steps leading into the house with how fast she’s running. Her shaking hand and sweaty palm make it take longer than usual to unlock the front door, and the force in which she slams it shut behind her should be enough to knock the nearby family photo off the wall.

The photo that she is not included in, of course.

She’s brushing off invisible lent as she rushes into her father’s office. “I’m sorry, there was an—” Her panting mouth snaps shut when she reaches the doorway, hand holding onto the frame of the door. “—accident.”

The minute Solana saw the flashing police lights and array of red brake lights was the moment she realized that she was in for a brutal punishment. She’d started to mentally prepare for such, trying to recall if she’s restocked the first aid kit kept in her bathroom and frequently retrieved. But, it’s not until she’s standing in the doorway of her father’s office, an office that’s filled with not only him and her brother, Wes, but other men that she realizes the ferocity of this punishment may be unlike any she’s received in some time.

Not only is she late, but she’s now interrupted some sort of meeting that he wanted her present for.

Xavier’s eyes land on Solana with faux happiness that conceals flames she recognizes as a precursor for what’s to come. Naturally, like he’s not imagining all the cruel ways he can hurt her, in a way that only he can do, he slaps on a tight smile. “Ahh, there she is.”

Solana also realizes how almost everyone’s gaze is on her, and that doesn't make for a good response because she finds herself asking, “what’s going o—”

Xavier’s smile is very much unlike the ice in his voice. “Silence, child.”

The sharpness of his command evokes an immediate response. Her shoulders slump and head drops. The displeasure just keeps growing. Solana can already feel the bruises forming, the sting of the ice on her busted lip.

One of the men, an oversized, middle aged white man with a sharp gaze speaks. “I take it, this is your daughter?”

“It is,” her father confirms. If she didn’t know any better, Solana could almost swear she hears a hint of proudness. “Please forgive her lateness. She knows the importance of obedience.”

And the repercussions of obedience. Repercussions Solana knows await her once this meeting ends.

“I hope she does.” The same white man clears his throat. Solana hears the ruffling of papers but refuses to look up. Her gaze is better served focused on the ground, her silence and submissiveness certainly music to her father’s ears. “We received the requested medical report, and it appears you weren’t lying, Miller. The girl is still a virgin.”

That….that is the moment where it takes all willpower for Solana’s head not to snap up, eyes wide with both confusion and partial recognition. She’d wondered why her father asked her to schedule her yearly check-up with her GYN when she wasn’t due for another couple of months but knew better than to question, so she went ahead and did it.

And she wondered why this checkup was so….different. Labs were taken, more questions asked, and a vaginal exam that had her leaving more uncomfortable than she’d ever been with Dr. Boyd. Not that seeing the woman was ever an enjoyable time in the first place. She's cold, stoic, an obvious doctor on the mafia payroll, but she's still a woman.

Solana can't have a male GYN. She can't have a male doctor in any sort of specialty.

The confusion, however, comes into play at this man’s words.

“The girl is still a virgin.”

That couldn’t be farthest from the truth.

“Her blood work also indicates she should have no problems conceiving a child.”

Emotions overpower reason as Solana breaks her silence and lifts her head. “What?” One furious glance from Xavier, and immediately, she knows that she’s fucked up.

She also realizes that she’s failed to notice one very important member whose sheer size takes up almost the entirety of her father’s onyx black loveseat.

Solana has heard the name Roman Reigns more times than she can keep track of over the years. It’s inescapable to live in this life and not know of the brutal ruler of the Bloodline, one of the most notorious mafia bosses in the underworld. But never in any of her 28 years has she seen him in person. Maybe somewhat in the same vicinity but never in close proximity, not like now where he’s sitting mere feet away from her.

He’s reclined back into the seat, thick legs spread, a blank expression on his handsome, bearded face. His features are sharp and predatory, yet there’s something about his eyes, a beautiful, light shade of brown that’s such a contrast to the cold blooded killer he is. Bulging, rippling muscles seem to be at battle with the plain black shirt he wears, and she notices his silky black hair is pulled back into a surprisingly neat bun of sorts.

Solana knows that she shouldn't stare, but it’s hard not to. The man is objectively beautiful. He’s also staring directly at her.

Panicked, her head drops down, eyes returning to continue counting the amount of beige swirls in her father’s persian rug.

“Shut up…. ”Wes speaks from the other side of the room. He’s leaned up against the column near the bookshelf, lazily spinning around the pocketknife he never goes anywhere without.

It’s the same knife that’s cut into her skin at least more than a couple of times over the years, drawing various amounts of blood depending on the extent of his anger.

Wes is always angry.

“I’m a man of my word, Mr. Heyman.” Solana doesn’t even need to be looking up to know her father has his hand over his chest, that faux sense of honor painting his harsh features. “I would never disrespect the Tribal Chief by wasting his time.” Solana’s throat goes tight. “My daughter is a worthy candidate.”

Candidate. Heir. Virgin.

It doesn’t take long with these major clues for Solana to piece together what they’re discussing, why her presence was required when never before has her father wanted her anywhere near one of his meetings.

Arranged marriage.

They’re discussing a possible arranged marriage between Solana and Roman Reigns.

Her fingers flex and suddenly start to rub nervously against the soft material of her dress. Any appetite she had prior to entering the home is no longer present, vacated, replaced by a thick, heaping layer of anxiety.

Arranged marriages are far too common in this life. There’s not a week that’s gone by since she became of age that she doesn't hear about some union between two members of rivaling or partnering families. It's just how these things are done.

However, at 28, much past the typical timeline that daughters are married off, she’d accepted that that was not her fate. And she was okay with that, more than okay. Is okay with that.

Solana has a……complicated relationship with men, anyway. With people in general, but especially men.

The thought of her being paired off to Roman is so bad that it’s almost laughable. Their compatibility is in the negative range. He would never give her a second look, not even a first. A man like him needs someone who matches his prowess. She isn’t even on the radar.

And yet…..

And yet her father has somehow garnered interest, provided his counsel with her medical information “proving” her worthiness, and secured a meeting.

Circling back around to the medical report has her chest feeling tight and heavy. Lies. Her father has clearly paid off Dr. Boyd to write up whatever he believed needed to be said to increase his chances of locking in this deal.

She doesn’t know about the fertility portion, never really bothering or concerning herself with that part of her health. Someone has to have to have sex to conceive a child, and as far as Solana is concerned, that's never going to happen.

Not....not again.

But the virgin part is most definitely a lie. The physical exam certainly would have confirmed that.

And yet, the exact opposite was stated.

Chills instantly move down her spine. Her father is perpetuating a fraud. Even more, he’s perpetuating fraud to a man who’s rumored to have a body count in the thousands. The same man he’s trying to pawn her off to.

This….this is not good.

It’s not good at all.

—----------

“She’s weak.”

That’s the first thing to leave Roman's mouth since they entered the Miller Manor, and it’s not announced until they're back in the SUV and on their way back to his estate.

Checking emails and clearing notifications that piled during the time his phone was tucked away, he continues. “Too young. Has no backbone. It’s embarrassing.” Roman’s tone, much like everything else about that pointless meeting, reeks of boredom.

“Her father clearly has her on a tight leash,” Rikishi adds. He brings the handkerchief he keeps in his shirt pocket and swipes it across his forehead, dapping up the light sheen of sweat that’s already formed in the walk from the house to the SUV. “But, a very pretty girl.”

Roman cannot and will not disagree on that. She’s undeniably beautiful, but everything else about her is unappealing. And saying Miller has her on a tight leash is an understatement. She’s terrified of him. The brother too, and Roman would take a solid guess that one of the two is responsible for the slightly faded but still visible bruise he noticed on Solana’s upper forearm.

There’s some conflicted emotion present at that piece of information, though he mostly leans in one direction.

Women and children should be off limits. Specifically, women and children who aren’t already indoctrinated into the life to the point of training. Roman knows plenty of kids who completed their first kill while still in single digits and women who fight better than some of his men. For them, it’s free game. They’ve proven they can handle themselves.

Solana doesn’t fall in any of those categories, and he’d be shocked if she even knows how to hold a gun.

Thus, in his mind, she’s off-limits.

Nonetheless, his family is full of fighters, regardless of sex.

So there's the other part of him that can't understand her passivity, that believes she's just weak.

The thought process generates a list of other, much more adequate options. “What about Belair?”

“Engaged to be married in the Montez family.” Roman rolls his eyes. That fucker is an irritating prick. Seems like a desperate match.

“Cargill?”

“She….” It’s slightly comical for Roman, watching the older man work his hardest to explain what was inarguably a disrespectful rejection. “---is not interested.”

A dark chuckle leaves his throat. “She said fuck off, didn’t she?”

“More or less.”

Roman smiles. He would expect nothing less. Cargill is a beast of a woman, a sure fun time in the sheets if she would ever remove the stick from up her ass.

“If I may, my Tribal Chief….” When Roman remains quiet, he takes that as his cue to continue. “The girl may be young and docile, but that also makes her moldable. She will do whatever you want with no protest. Is that not a possible advantage?” Roman continues to look out the window, allowing Paul to add on, “and she will have no problem giving you an heir, which is inarguably the most important thing at this point in your life.”

“He brings up a good point, uce,” Rikishi chimes. “With your temper, it’s probably best for you to take a wife who is more passive than dominant.”

Logically, it makes sense, but the idea of a stuttering, stammering wife who can’t even maintain eye contact for more than a minute doesn’t appeal to him in the slightest.

“And as far as age, she’s closer to 30 than anything. You go for any older, and you might run into fertility struggles. This is the perfect age.” Rikishi’s crooked smile is followed by a small chuckle. “You ain’t so young yourself anymore, uce. Gotta have an even balance.”

There’s a difference between a balance and a child. Roman is prepared to say as such when Jimmy speaks, deciding to add his two cents from the passenger's seat.

“Look, Big Dog. All you need is for her to give you a kid, and you heard Paul. She can do that. Ain’t no need in making this bigger than what it is.” His insertion and contribution to the conversation ends up being valid. Granted, if he was anyone else, the delivery would have resulted in a maiming. But, this is Jimmy. He’s like a brother to Roman. Him and Jey. Hence their privilege with speaking so bluntly. “Shit, and did you see that body? Mannn, I’d never pull out of that.”

Also a valid point. Her dress was fitted around the chest area, accentuating heavy breast he could most definitely see himself palming as he fucked her from behind. The rest of the dress wasn’t as contoured, but it flowed against her shape when she walked in, and he could make out the curves he was certain she preferred to keep hidden. It’d been a while since he’d taken a woman to bed with a body like hers, a preference, but also not as easy to find in his world of fit assassins and killers who spend more time in the gym than anywhere else.

His latest set of women were on the slimmer side, moderate thickness, nothing like this girl.

But sexual desirability aside, her passivity indicates she’d be….that kind of woman. The woman who expects words of affirmation and quality time. A “gentle” kind of woman who’d want him to be sweet and patient in the bedroom, to make love to her. Roman is neither and none of those things.

He fucks, and he fucks hard. Subsequently, his wife should be cut from the same cloth.

“Just….think about it, my Tribal Chief, hmmm?” Paul’s voice is tentative, laced with that tone that indicates he believes the decision should be made sooner rather than later. Granted, he values his life and standing in the bloodline, so he opts to not implement time constraints.

A wise decision.

“The scars.” Roman counted eight of them total, the one most pronounced on her face, slashing across her right eye and into the top of her cheek. The type of scar that’s embedded into the skin. And the soul. With a few of his own, it’s one of the first things he noticed. “What’s the story there?”

Paul quickly pulls out the portfolio from his briefcase, hurriedly flipping through papers when he settles on the one he’s looking for. “Ahhh….” Paul clears his throat, a telltale sign that’s he uncomfortable with what he’s about to say. “2005. It was a hit. Her mother was killed in the attack. Knifing. Solana survived, clearly.”

Roman turns his attention from the passing cars to look at his Wise Man. For the first time since this whole interview process began, Roman is intrigued. “She was there?” Paul confirms as such and says something else, but Roman’s attention is out the window again, haphazardly watching the flow of traffic, assimilating and accommodating this new piece of information.

This may be the one and only thing he can understand about this girl. Something…something he can relate to.

Survival

One doesn’t go through something like that without coming out on top or letting it bury you. Unlike him, she’d clearly gone the latter route. Granted, just making it out alive, physically, he knows better than anyone, is a feat in and of itself.

“Give me her file.”

—-------------

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry I didn’t write yesterday. It was…..a day.

I’m not even sure where to begin, because I’m not sure what to even feel at this moment to be honest. Dad is trying to marry me off to a mafia head, which would be fine, except….except that head is Roman Reigns. He’s….he’s a monster, mama. Has no soul. Not that many men in this life do, but there’s something about him that’s even more terrifying than the others. To make matters worse, dad had Dr. Boyd lie in my medical report. She wrote that I’m still a virgin, I guess something about my hymen still being intact. Mama, that’s a lie. There’s no way that’s possible.

Not.....with what they did to me.

I’m trying hard not to panic, because there’s no way Roman would go for me. He’s a monster, yes, but even Lucifer was God’s most beautiful angel. He’s a very handsome man. He would never want someone like me.

I don’t know any man who would.

“Solana.”

Solana quickly snaps her journal closed, using the pen in her hand to mark her spot. She’s met with the gentle smile of 73–year–old Meryl Jensen, a widow who’s worked at this library for almost forty years.

Solana still remembers the first day she met Mrs. Jensen. She was 6-years-old, and her mom was looking for a certain book she’d read about in the newspaper. A book that she hoped would further and better her English speaking skills. A native of Mexico, Nina Miller taught herself English by immersing herself into American literature, film, and music.

Similarly, Nina taught her Solana Spanish by immersing her daughter in Spanish literature, film, and music. A secret among the two as an always hostile, paranoid Xavier “banned” Nina from teaching their daughter a language he couldn’t understand.

If he couldn’t control it, it was a no-go.

But it was when Mrs. Jensen was helping Nina locate her book, Solana noticed another book sitting near a kids display. Goodnight Moon.

If Solana tries hard enough, she can still remember the warm smile her mother gave her as she allowed her to check out the book, her very first "purchase" from the library. It started a love of books, aided by Mrs. Jensen who always provided appropriate recommendations to Solana and her mom.

Not that Solana tries to think too much about memories with her mother. They’re almost always ruined and replaced with the sounds of the butcher knife slicing into her mother’s body as Nina used the last of her strength to shield and protect her daughter from the violent assault that would end up taking her life.

Solana’s smile, however, does dim and her stomach drops when she realizes that Ms. Jensen isn’t alone.

“This girl is always writing, I swear.” It’s only when the older woman refers to her book that Solana quickly closes up her journal, shoving it to the side.

Her eyes never leave Roman though.

And his certainly aren’t leaving her, even as Mrs. Jensen places a hand on his arm, laughing at her own joke.

Mrs. Jensen then squints her eyes and leans over the counter. “Child, did you fall again?” It takes a second for recognition to dawn. She’s then hit with the memory of her father backhanding her across the room, the force sending her to the floor after the dispersion of yesterday’s meeting. A truly pale punishment compared to some of his prior assaults. “My goodness.” Mrs. Meryl laughs, shaking her head. “An everyday klutz I tell you. I can’t think of one day she hasn’t come in here without some kind of mark from her clumsiness.”

Roman’s staring directly at Solana while acknowledging the older woman’s casual observation. “Interesting.” He then darts his eyes, offering a smile that, if one didn’t know any better, could be considered genuine. But Solana does know better. She knows much better. “Could you give us a moment?”

Of course, Mrs. Jensen obliges, saying something about hushing up some boisterous high school students on the first level before it’s just Solana and Roman.

She has a million and one questions, starting with why the hell Roman Reigns is at her job. Whatever the reason, it can’t be good. A man like him only brings about chaos and mayhem.

And death.

Swallowing and powering through the onslaught of anxiety, she starts off in an unsurprisingly soft voice, “if you’re looking for my father, he’s—”

“If I wanted your father, I would be speaking to him right now.” Roman’s interruption is dangerously calm, but Solana detects a hint of irritation. “You’re the one I want.”

Oh.

What in the world this man could want with Solana is beyond her. To make matters worse, Solana catches his gaze on her bruised cheek again. Makeup could only do much, but she's really starting to wish she went for heavier coverage. She drops her head, focusing on the denim of her jeans to avoid his burning stare. “I—umm.”

Solana’s body registers before her head does that Roman is lifting his hand to touch her. She responds accordingly, jumping back and away from the interaction. He chuckles, darkly, lowering his hand to his side. “That was some fall.”

Solana unconsciously brings her hand to hover over her cheek. “I’m—clumsy.”

“No, you’re not.” It takes a second for Solana to register his blunt comment and another for her to digest that he’s calling her bluff. “But, you are a terrible liar.”

He’s not wrong on either note, but she’s unsure just how to respond. “What—what do you want from me?”

Roman straightens up, and just the sheer size of him makes her swallow in fear. He’s a beast of a man, more beast though than anything else. “To make sure you understand what this is. It’s obvious Miller didn’t inform you about the meeting, and I won’t go into anything with anyone unless they’re fully aware of what they’re signing up for.”

If he’s waiting for Solana to acknowledge the first part of his reason for showing up at her job, he does a poor job waiting because he goes straight into his disclaimer.

“I have no desire to be with you or any other woman for anything more than a sexual release. We’ll ensure my bloodline continues, but that’s it. Financially, you’ll want for nothing, and I can assure you, your clumsiness won’t be an issue. But, I will never love you, never see you as anything more than a business arrangement because that’s what you are.” He’s studying her facial expressions, reading all of the emotions oscillating around. “Do you understand?”

There’s a couple of different thoughts racing through her mind at this moment, but the dominant thought is wondering just what in the hell would possess someone like him to ever even consider someone like her? He is the definition of brute strength in all areas. She is beyond broken. There can’t be anything appealing about that.

But then….maybe there is. Roman knows she will not cause him any trouble, can recognize this brokenness and sees it as an easy way to get what he needs while still having the freedom to do whatever, and whoever he wants. It’s a bit of a win-win.

And as far as the love aspect…..

Solana learned a long time ago that all of the fairytales lied. There is no prince that rides in and saves the damsel in distress. No one to swoop in and save you from the monster. It’s either killed or be killed, and her death already occurred on August 7th, 2005.

As ironic and fucked up as it is, Solana recognizes this is the best deal she’ll ever get in her life.

With quite literally nothing to lose, she acknowledges him.

“I understand.”

—---------

The minute Solana steps into the house, she’s immediately shoved into the freshly painted wall behind her. A strong hand is on her throat, restricting her breathing.

“What did you say to him!”

Fingers foolishly grasping at the hand suffocating her, Solana tries to speak even with knowing that it’s impossible when she can’t even breathe. This only pisses her brother off even more. He bangs her head into the wall, causing the nearby pictures to shake. “Answer me, you stupid bitch!”

“Let her go, Wes.”

Xavier’s command is followed with a delayed acquiescence. Solana falls to the floor, coughing and gasping violently. She brings her hand to the back of her head to check for any blood, but her gaze is soon on the black leather shoes her blurred version is able to make out.

Solana cries out when her father grips her hair, yanking her head back and forcing her to look at him.

“We know Reigns came to see you at your job today.”

At some point in her life, Solana would be stunned and partially disturbed this, by how her father is aware of this piece of information. But, this is no longer that time in her life. That time when she was naive enough to think that she could ever escape this life, ever leave and never look back.

She’d tried once. Foolishly. And it landed her in the hospital for two weeks.

Solana can still remember her father’s dry, cracked lips pressing an insincere kiss against her temple as he said in the calmest yet coldest voice. “You ever try to leave this place again, and I’ll make sure to finish the job.”

That was the last time she ever fooled herself into believing better waited for her.

“Now, what did you say to him?”

“I—I—nothing.” It’s not a lie but not the entire truth. She didn’t say anything that should have pissed him off. Then again, with a man as temperamental as Roman, anything and everyone could piss him off. Look at her dad and brother. “What did he—”

A phone ringing possibly saves, or just delays, the next set of hits. And even better, it’s Xavier’s phone.

He pulls it out of the back pocket of his pants, eyes lighting up. With a mischievous smile, he taps the screen twice, answering, “my Tribal Chief.” Solana’s eyes widen. “To what do I owe the honor?”

“Cut the bullshit, Miller.” Roman’s deep, baritone voice is powerful and authoritative, even when he’s not even in the room. “You know why I’m calling.” And before her father can further upset him, Roman jumps straight to the point. “We have a deal.”

It’s been some time since Solana has been so thoroughly surprised by something she’s heard that she briefly loses awareness of where she is. But this….this is one of those moments.

He can’t…..he can’t have said what she thinks he just said. Her acknowledging understanding was just a formality. She didn’t think he was actually considering marrying her.

Xavier’s smile is broad, signs of a man who just got exactly what he wanted. “Wonderful. We shall start planning.”

“Two weeks. The wedding will be two weeks from today.”

The tightening in her chest has returned. Solana is certain she’s about to start hyperventilating. This….this can’t be happening.

Xavier and Wes share a look as he stammers with a response. “Uhh, yes, of course—whatever you wa—”

“Oh, and Miller?”

Irritation flashes in Xavier’s eyes, but he shoves it back for a polite acknowledgment. “Yes, my Tribal Chief?”

“You or your boy lay a single fucking finger on her again, and I’ll gut you both where there’s nothing left to bury.”

Solana is almost certain there’s not a single one of them that’s not taken back by Roman’s icy warning. However, she swallows when her father’s fire gaze lands on her. She knows immediately she’s in for a matching bruise on the other side of her face.

Xavier laughs quietly. “That girl has always been so clumsy. I assure you—”

“One.”

Xavier is understandably confused by Roman’s single-word response. “Pardon?”

“Everyone gets one chance to lie to me. You’ve just used yours.” For the briefest hint of a second, Solana believes she sees fear flash in her father’s eyes. “Consider yourself warned.”

The phone disconnects.

Silence settles over the three of them, but it doesn’t last.

“I��I don’t understand.” Solana finds her voice, unable to stay quiet in a moment that’s completely just changed the course of her life. “I–I can’t marry Roman.”

For a lot of reasons. Many reasons that she can list out and defend if given the chance.

Solana is consumed by her thoughts and pending mental breakdown, so much so that she misses when her brother stalks across the room. He throws her back up against the wall, and the minute her eyes land on the silver, she’s frozen in place.

His grin is predatory and satisfactory as he murmurs, floating the knife in front of her. “It seems you’ve finally made your existence have some type of purpose.” Solana has to close her eyes. Just seeing knives sometimes brings her back to that night, and having one pressed against her….

Wes knows exactly how agonizing that is to her, hence his favorite method of torture.

Swallowing, she weakly protests, “you—you told them I’m a virgin.”

That’s a major reason why. Her father has made her out to be some chaste, pure woman when she’s anything but. And to lie to Roman, of all people, about something like that.

They’ve more or less signed her death decree.

“No. Dr. Boyd’s medical reports confirmed you’re still untouched, and you’ll go along with it for however long is necessary.” Xavier’s rebuttal is smooth and to the point, like he doesn’t see the issue with his actions.

He never does.

“Don’t you understand?” Wes lazily slides the knife up and down her skin, smiling at the terror in her face. It’s his greatest motivation, witnessing the extent of her fear toward him. “We’d let Reigns and his entire bloodline fuck you if that’s what it took to get what we want.”

Solana has no shock value at his words. Wes stopped caring anything for her the minute she got their mother killed, and it’s not as if she can entirely blame him.

Nina would still be alive if not for Solana. It’s something she accepted ages ago, an undeniable truth.

However, she does have to ask in a pained voice, “what do you want?”

Xavier supplies, taking a hit of his cigar she didn’t realize he was holding this whole time. “We want and will have control of the bloodline.”

If not for her current situation, she’d laugh. Control of the bloodline. That’s….that’s not even a dream. That’s a delusion. Still, there’s an undertone to his voice and words that alarm her. In a quiet voice, she protests. “That’s—that’s impossible.”

Solana hisses as Wes presses the knife deeper into her throat, nicking her skin and drawing blood. “No, it isn’t, not anymore. Because we have a way in.”

And it’s with widened eyes and a constricted throat that Solana finally understands what’s happening, what they plan to have happen.

Her voice is barely above a whisper. “No….”

Xavier answers with a cruel, wicked smile. “You’re going to kill Roman Reigns for us.”

#roman reigns x black!reader #roman reigns x black!oc #roman reigns fic #roman reigns #arisnotebook #black writers

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bengiyo · 3 months ago

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Ben's Big BL Blurb

I was traveling for a few weeks, and there's no way I'm doing individual posts for every show I've been watching, so here's my thoughts on all of the shows I'm currently enjoying, in the order I'm most enjoying them.

Twilight Out of Focus

This show is fucking excellent. I'm not that keen on taking a break from our leads to see other couples, but I do like that BL continues to be the way that these guys are figuring out they're attracted to each other. Mao moving so smoothly into his boyfriend era, and knowing how he's feeling, has been excellent. I also really loved Hisashi knowing they needed to not be together all the time.

The Trainee

Jane is so attractive, and I'm so happy for Off. This latest episode was a lot of fun to watch for Ryan, because it's nice seeing him be more actively engaged in things happening around him. Pai seems far more settled now that she knows she has a place. Pah is clearly still a mess. Tae seems like he's good at what he does. Ba-Mhee falling for Judy is NOT IDEAL, and Judy is over the line.

Overall, I'm actually interested in seeing them mirror interns crushing on their mentors with two different pairings as a point of comparison. I also like how every week feels like the work goals make sense.

The Miracle of Teddy Bear

Besties, so much is happening in this show. There is daddy drama, wife drama, dead son drama, and so much more! These episodes are so long, but I'm really engaged with everything happening on this show. Job and Inn are really fucking good in this.

I Hear the Sunspot

I'm so glad that Kohei made his feelings clear, and I'm enjoying seeing Taichi figure out how to respond to them. We once again had a camping trip that did not give me what I wanted, but I did like Kohei being clear that he's still interested in Taichi. Finally, I liked the little confirmations that Kohei is taking to sign, and that Taichi is interested in that journey.

Knock Knock, Boys!

I'm so proud of Best! He has played Peak in this restrained way for so long, and it paid off in this most recent episode. I love that this story started with a gay man running from himself and his feelings, who then realizes that he can't run away from people who care about him anymore because they won't let him. I love that everyone being patient with him gave him what he needed to finally accept himself and say what he needed. I've really loved the way Thanwa tries to support Peak.

I'm also overjoyed for Almond and Latte, and I need them to fuck nasty before this show ends or I will be so disappointed. Latte is quietly one of my blorbos of the year with the way he is always clear about who he is and what he wants even as he is okay with where Almond is in the moment. They're an excellent pair.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

RISA IS OFF THE BESTIE LIST FOREVER! I will never forgive her for outing Hiroko to Ayaka just so she could ask Ayaka to choose her instead. Also, fuck those Bettys at the bar, who definitely know Hiroko's business, and that she's not out at work. Why talk about her to a stranger who called her senpai?? I'm relieved that Hiroko knows that Ayaka likes women now, and am curious how we move forward at this point.

I also need to know who this woman was who hurt Hiroko, because nothing makes me sadder than when we have to hide from other queers.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

Thanks to @isaksbestpillow I was actually able to start this on my trip. I didn't want to start a show on a trip, but I could not resist. I really love that Ishida is in his late 20s and struggling with direction and purpose after his initial plan blew up in his face. I love that he's recognized so quickly that he's developed feelings for Mitsuya-sensei, and I love that Mitsuya-sensei is open about who he is. It's about goddamned time that we saw an age gap story of this kind, because so many meaningful relationships I've had are with gay men older than me.

Takara's Treasure

This quiet little show makes me so happy every week. I just desperately need for Taishin to figure out what he's feeling, and for people to help him realize what he's feeling. Takara's my favorite kind of pretty boy: the ones who are obviously and poorly masking incredibly turmoil. I love that Taishin sees through this and wants to help Takara. Excited for him to get to take care of him when Takara gets sick.

Century of Love

I've been having a lot of fun with this show, but episode 8 felt like a huge wobble. I love that San was so committed to Vee the whole time, but the back and forth about the stone was tedious. San giving up the stone as a way to signify that he was over the memory of Vad was nice, but we didn't reconcile Vee's theft and the emotional cost of that.

Love Sea

MAHASAMUT!! WE FINALLY BEAT THAT NASTY OLD MAN'S ASS!! Mut trampling over a bullshit breakup and kicking Rak's dad's ass instead was so satisfying that it almost makes up for Mut having little identity outside of his relationship to Rake, or the terrible arc that Mook and Vie are having, over the last few weeks. I have been playing Stomp for the last few hours because I needed them to kick that man. Mut did not hit him enough.

New Shows

There's a bunch of stuff I have to sort out over the next few days. I'm not going back to My Love Mix Up TH, but I do plan to start 4 Minutes. There's also another J-BL in the grey I got some help finding called Sugar Dog Life.

Shout out to @lurkingshan for helping me watch a few things while I was gone, and also @twig-tea for keeping me apprised of which new shows I probably need to pick up.

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queers-gambit · 8 months ago

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Now and at the Hour of His Death

prompt: any who say, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," were never loved by him.

pairing: Osferth x female!pregnant!wife!reader

fandom: The Last Kingdom

word count: 6.1k+

note: fuck you, Netflix.

warnings: you already know - author needs therapy, projects hard, pregnant wife, Lord’s name in vain, Christianity (obviously), and a fuck ton of fucking ANGST because fuck your feelings. hurt NO comfort, drama, oneshot, cursing, canon-typical violence, injury, and blood. character death and spoilers - yeah, i'm giving you THAT scene. requires maturity and caution. good luck.

also please note: NO, i do not age Osferth to be 16 - that's just a reference age for when he eventually runs away from the monastery.

again, you are missing nothing if this upsets or triggers you and you choose to skip. value your wellbeing, my angels. author is not responsible for the media YOU choose consume, but still, as usual, MDNI

"You should not be doing this sort of work," Ingrith's voice scolded you, and when you turned, you saw the blonde woman standing with her hip cocked and a stern expression. "It's bad for your health to be in such filth, we've stable boys for this sort of chore."

"I do not mind," you sniffled in the brisk air, shoveling the horse shit of the stable into a muck bucket to be dumped into the fields later. "It keeps me busy," you grunted lightly, sure to bend your knees when lifting the pitchfork, "keeps me humble," you listed, dumping the waste to grin at your friend, "and keeps me young."

"In what way?"

"Reminds me of my childhood," you eased, continuing your work. "I slept in a stable from the ages of 4 to... Oh, shit, I guess I was about 16 before I left The Loft."

"What?" She breathed in confusion. "Never knew that."

"Yeah, yeah, true story," you beamed at her, still shoveling shit. "I slept in the stalls with the horses, sometimes in the grain rooms - basically anywhere I could since my work didn't include official room and board, so, I had to make do with what was available. Then, one day when I was about ten, Old Man Rivers said I could use the hay loft if I cleared it out, fixed the rotten planks. Stayed up there till I was about 16, and after that, I kinda ran away."

"Old Man Rivers?"

You nodded, "My mother lived on his homestead, but she was real sick, you see. So, he kinda took me in without assuming responsibility for me," you cleared your throat, shrugging, "let me stay in his barn if I worked with the horses and livestock for him."

"Why would you want to be reminded of that?"

"Seems simpler when I look back."

Ingrith sighed, "C'mon, put the pitchfork down. Come help me prepare the rabbits. The scouts say the men aren't too far off, they'll want a hot meal."

You chuckled with ease and set your pitchfork aside, giving a hearty pat to one of the horse's necks as you passed by to exit the stable. Ingrith made sure you washed up before you were both mounting rabbits on the rack to start skinning them.

"Could I ask something?" She wondered after a time.

"Anything you'd like."

"Why'd you run away? From Old Man Rivers?"

You laughed, "I was in love."

"Oh, you and Baby Monk go that far back, huh?"

"Try even farther," you teased. "Our mothers were friends, and when I worked in the stable, he was in the monastery, but when he came to me, saying he couldn't do it any longer, I couldn't let him go alone. Life was supposed to offer more than what we were given, so, we set out to find the legendary barbarian, The Dane Slayer," you teased, both giggling, "our Lord, the legendary, Uhtred of Bebbanburg."

"And all this time...?" She smiled, watching you shuck hide like you've done it your whole life. Ingrith inferred you probably did.

"Yeah," you eased, "all this time, he's been by my side. Kept me close, never left me behind. The others weren't too sure about me on account of being a woman, they told us to piss off a few times - but they came around after Osferth refused to send me away."

"He's a good lad, Osferth," she nodded.

"Arguably one of the best ones," you agreed, nudging her arm gently, "but look who I'm telling, right?"

"Oh!" She giggled, swatting at you loosely before going back to your work for a moment. Suddenly, the townspeople of Rumcofa stirred to life, and over the voices, you heard them announcing their Lord's return - which meant all of your men were home. You both grinned and breathlessly left your post, Ingrith pausing a young lad to ask, "How many return to us?"

"Does it matter? Come, c'mon, let us see ourselves!" You all but squealed, overwhelmed with excitment; eager for your own reunion with the man you've loved since you were a young lass.

"Warn the alehouse!" Finan was heard shouting. "Osferth's thirsty!"

"Jesus," you laughed, dodging around the procession of people waiting to greet their warriors on their return home so you could approach the white gelding your husband rode.

His face was absolutely priceless when he caught sight of you. As Osferth eagerly dismounted, your hands smoothed over the small swell of your belly - purposefully wearing a dress that accentuated your ever-changing figure. "Am I dreaming?" He laughed, a stablehand taking hold of his horse so his hands were free to caress your belly. "Oh, my God, I'm not, 's real, oh, God," he beamed, laughing with you. "You're pregnant? Truly? Yes? I-I am not - I am not being deceived?"

"No, my love, I guess our prayers were finally heard."

"OH-HOOOO!" You heard Finan holler as Osferth finally pulled you in for a sweet kiss; both ignoring the Irishman. "Lord! LORD! Uhtred! Hey! Did you hear!? Baby Monk's got some spunk in 'im afta all!"

"Oh, God," you laughed against Osferth's lips, but he was quick to shush you with another breath-stealing kiss.

"A baby Baby Monk! AHA!" Finan was still laughing, your husband's hands caressing both your cheeks when he pulled back just in time for Finan to descend. You grunted lightly when his heavy arms dropped over both yours and Osferth's shoulders, his laugh still booming as he gave a squeeze and cooed, "Oh, congratulations, yah two love birds! Wasn't sure you had it innyah, boy!"

"Don't be so rough with her, Finan, for God's sake," Osferth scolded, nudging his friend to get out from under his arm.

"What?" Finan looked at you gobsmacked. "Sayin' I gotta treat yah different now or somethin'?"

"I didn't say that," you told him prettily with fluttering lashes, fist quickly balling up to jab him in the weak spot of his armor - making him grunt and wheeze. "Aht-aht!" You warned with a pointed finger when he flinched as if to retaliate, "Can't hit a pregnant woman."

"Oh, yeh li'l shite," Finan laughed, Osferth pushing him towards his wife so he could stand in front of you and command all attention.

Osferth took a moment to simply look at you; thumbs gently tracing over your cheeks in sweeping motions, a slow grin breaking across his lips. "This almost doesn't feel real... But how I have to praise God for this blessing. A baby," he breathed.

"A little you and me," you agreed softly. "Sound okay to you?"

"More than okay," he chuckled, pecking your lips, "sounds like a lifetime together."

"Good by me." His nose nuzzled up yours, the sweet moment broken when he sighed sadly; eyes shut and smile dropping. "What is it? What's wrong, love?" You asked, stepping into his embrace so you were nuzzled into his neck and his arms were wrapped around your form in a vice.

"Uhtred means to move us again," he whispered in your ear. "Brida, she... She's got Father Pyrlig, and - "

"What!?" You snapped, rearing back slightly to pin him under your hardened glare. Pregnancy hormones would surely give Osferth whiplash.

"My love, I did not - "

"Brida's got Pyrlig? Fuck are we standin' here for, let's go!" You reached for his hand, ready to march off.

"Uh, no, no, no, no," he pulled you back to him; anchoring his hands on your hips so you could not escape. "You are not going anywhere. Not now - especially now," he glanced at your still-growing bump. "The men will go, you know we will return, but you have this new responsibility, and that's keeping this little one safe. For us," he smiled at you.

You huffed, "I'm not unfit to do what needs done, Osferth."

"I did not say you were unfit, but look at the timing of it," he frowned. "I should've been here when you learned, but I was not, and I am truly so sorry for it. Look, I do not know how long this venture will be, but you know I will return. We've waited for our family for far too long, I will not jeopardize this - so I will return. If you go with us, and something were to happen," he shook his head, "my angel, I would never forgive myself. So I need you to stay here, stay safe, if for nothing else but for me."

"But Pyrlig - "

"Will be saved," he assured.

"And Brida - "

"Will be dealt with," he eased, chuckling lightly. "My angel, you worry too much about everyone and yet never about yourself."

You pouted, "Well, why is it just me meant to stay back? This is your child, too, Osferth, and should have the right to meet them! You can't always control what happens, accidents are real, what if you don't return - "

"Don't think like that - "

"But it's a real threat to us - "

He agreed, "Of course, but - "

"Yeah, I know," you nodded, cutting him off, "we serve Lord Uhtred. This comes first, and I'm not - "

"I've made a vow to him."

"You made one to me, too, you know."

"Angel, please, don't do this. Do not ask me to choose," he begged with a frown, and you caved.

So, with a sigh, you nuzzled into his embrace and relented, "All right, yes, fine, go after Brida and Pyrlig. And when you find them, tell him I am waiting for his safe return, he is dearly missed. Ideally, I'd have him birth our child."

"Of course," he breathed, finding a small reprieve of relief that you did not fight him further about leaving - about choosing which vow to fulfill: the one to his Lord Uhtred or the one to his wife.

Both made to God.

Luckily, Osferth married his best friend and you were never one to pick fights with him. You liked the harmony you had; the peaceful environment you had both cultivated to preserve the trust and love you built through the years. He was genuinely one of a kind; a man who walked many lines between faith, humanity, right, wrong. He was the voice of reason, constantly striving to do better than he did before, learning all he could as if a rag soaking in water. For all he was, Osferth has always been enough for you, and for that reason alone, you never felt the need to argue.

To fight. To voice contempt.

"Question," you perked up, smirking at him as your pregnancy symptoms ran a little wild, "think we've time to, you know, really give our thanks?"

"Angel - "

"What?" You grinned. "You fucked me on the alter all those weeks ago and look - your seed stuck. We might as well go give thanks in the same manner, just to really show God how thankful we are for this blessing he's given us."

"Think the Devil's gotten into you," he laughed.

"Or your child is ruining my hormones," you countered, his lips meeting yours in another passionate display of his excitement.

"C'mon," he whispered, taking your hand, and leading you to the chapel - thinking you were being sneaky, but your matching giggles made Ingrith and Finan beam at each other.

"He does know she can't get more pregnant, right?" Finan teased, flinching when Ingrith smacked his upper arm.

"WHY!?"

"My angel, please - "

"What the fuck is going on, Osferth!?"

"I'm trying to explain - "

"The Queen? The fucking Queen is dead in our village! How can that possibly be explained!?" When Osferth didn't answer, just sat in the wooden chair before the shared hearth of your humble home, you snapped, "Well!?"

"Are you finished? May I speak now?"

With a huff, you nodded and gestured for him to speak; arms crossing around your swollen tits. He explained to you the reason for Haesten's arrival, the wagon his men toted, and why he brought the Queen's dead body to the settlement of Rumcofa. He told you Haesten wanted to keep the peace when King Edward found out, claiming Uhtred's son-in-law, Stiorra's husband, Sigtryggr, had ordered this death - thinking war would surely roll over his lands.

You never knew Haesten to be a generous man, nor much of an honest one, but it seemed the severity of the situation made everyone eerily on-edge. Uhtred dispatched his men; leaving Finan and Osferth in the village with you, developing a plan that would save both Saxon and Danish life. And yet, it was all futile when evil forces worked against good.

You didn't feel safe in Rumcofa anymore, there was a stench in the air; tension that mounted to embrace all residents with discomfort. Something was about to happen, but nobody knew what. You didn't claim or pretend to know what was happening, but Haesten's abrupt appearance spelled danger for everyone involved. So, as a security measure, you kept a long sword buckled around your swelling waist and a dagger strapped under your skirts. With Lord Uhtred gone, there was no invisible fence protecting Rumcofa - leaving it up to you, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf to pose as guard.

Yet you'd never be enough.

Like the surf over sand, a group of angered men descended on Rumcofa. "Who's men are yah?" Finan asked, you lingering at Osferth's side to watch the interaction from a short distance.

"We come from the King," a burly Saxon replied, your head cocking in interest - swearing you've seen him before. "Dane murderers are hiding here and you must hand them over."

"You're mistaken, sir," you kindly offered, the man's eyes shifting over you, "because we live in peace. Any murderers have surely moved on from here. We do not host them."

The man growled, "Don't think that's true, love."

Finan held a hand back at you, meeting your eyes and nodding simply. He turned back for the man in fur, diverting, "Of course, my men will attend to it."

Finan turned from the group, his eyes connecting with yours as he passed by. There was urgency, a quickened pace he adopted; having no intention to hand anyone over, wanting to remove these men without bloodshed. However, that was a distant thought because Father Benedict tried to assure the Saxon leader that nobody in Rumcofa would murder Queen Aelflaed.

You wanted to step in when the Saxon evidently didn't know about the Queen's demise - getting in Benedict's face and demanding to see what he spoke of.

"No, no, no," you muttered nervously, "he can't see the body, love, no, no, no, this is bad. Very bad."

"We can't stop Father Benedict without altercation," Osferth whispered back, keeping a tight hold of your hand, just watching the group. "If something happens, you need to get yourself safe."

"How do we truly know they're from Edward? What credentials do they have?" When Osferth shook his head, you worried, "Got a bad feeling 'bout this, angel."

Then the violence began.

The strange men took charge when their leader walked away, starting to physically harass the citizens; making both you and Osferth step in to try and diffuse the tension. You pushed men off unarmed women, got in between them and the children, did what you could without drawing a weapon.

When a man shoved you away from him, Finan wrangled him away, sneering, "Get yer hands off of her!" He kept the violent men at bay for a moment, telling you, "You need to go, darling - "

"Not now, Fin, look around us! We need to contain the situation, you'll need all hands you can get," You snapped, the two of you forced to part way.

Osferth panted nervously and looked left and right, turning to meet the Saxon and demand, "Tell your men to stand down!" But then, his eyes squinted when you joined his side to pull him back a step or two, recognizing him just as you did.

"I don't think they're here for the Queen, love," you heaved for breath in warning, still backing him up. "They've planned this."

"Finan!" Osferth barked, "These men have been here before!"

The Saxon roared over the fray, "Danes of Rumcofa have murdered our Queen!" His men jeered in anger, making Finan brandish both swords and for Osferth to push you back further from the attention. "Do your duty and rid the cockles from the wheat!"

You were left no choice. Osferth and you both armed yourselves, starting to fight off the Saxons as their leader demanded Danes and Christians be separated. You were unable to help, engaged in battle, but Young Uhtred gathered the Danes and begged Father Benedict to declare the church a sanctuary - thinking it would save lives.

It was only leading the Danes to slaughter.

The Saxon, Bresal, punched Father Benedict when he tried to stand in the way; his men holding Young Uhtred in the doorway to let their men enter the church the Danes were gathered in. They forced Young Uhtred to watch the massacre - men, women, and Danish children all slaughtered with no escape. No hope. No answer to a single prayer. Nobody to stop this bloody situation.

You fought on, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf doing their best to protect you by keeping you in the middle of their wee group. But you still got plenty of action.

"This is madness!" You cried out, slicing a man's throat open. "We need aid! We need more men!"

"This way!" Finan encouraged, "We must cut a path for Ingrith! Check the docks! Check the docks!"

You and Osferth ran towards the water, Cynleaf not far away. You searched for Ingrith, but you had no time to linger; engaged one-on-one again, forced to protect yourself and unborn baby. Not a minute later, you saw Ingrith on horseback, being stalled by a Saxon and for your husband to rush to her aid. He punched the man away from the horse, you hacking at another enemy, in time to see Osferth engaging with two Saxons - one being the leader, Bresal.

It all happened so fast.

You were already racing towards them when the unexpected. Osferth was battling on two fronts, holding Bresal at bay, fending off the other Saxon, screaming for Ingrith, who only managed a few paces before the Saxon's dogs spooked her horse. The noise was deafening; people screaming, crying, dogs barking, horses whinnying, swords singing as they clashed.

You watched it happen in slow motion.

You sprinted faster than ever before.

"INGRITH!" Osferth bellowed in worry when her horse reared back and dropped her to the dirt. It left an opening for Bresal to stab his dagger into Osferth's lung - freezing time and wrecking your world.

"NO!" You screamed, Bresal smirking at you and yanking his dagger free. Osferth wobbled, eyes wide as he met yours, the Saxon walking away as Osferth dropped to his knees. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, God, no, no, you can't take him - not yet! Please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," You repeated, sliding on your knees in the dirt to catch him. "No, no, oh, my God, no, Osferth, no, please! Not now, not now, please, no, God, no! Don't do this! Please, please, please," you rambled, readjusting to better hold him, hearing Cynleaf and Finan yell for Baby Monk, too. You raged at God, "You can't take him yet! You can't have him! He's mine!"

But you heard nothing except your husband's labored breathing.

"An-Angel, angel, my angel," Osferth choked, wheezing and crying as he couldn't hold himself up and completely slumped back into your body. He pawed at your arms in an attempt to get closer.

"No, no, no, you're all right, you're okay, you're okay, my sweet love, you're all right," you insisted, hands stained in his blood as it poured from his wound. You knew it was essential to add pressure to a wound, but also, that this was all futile. Yet you needed to try. "Hey, hey, hey, look at me, just look at me, sweetheart, please, only look at me, nothing else matters," you pleaded with him in a rush, the lads sprinting to where you held your husband to your lap.

Nobody interrupted you.

"Where's the wound?" Osferth sobbed, trembling, blood spurting from his mouth; going paler by the minute. "Angel, please, the wound? Where's the wound?"

"No, no, no, don't worry 'bout that, hey? Don't you worry, you just keep looking at me," you sobbed, holding his neck and cradling him to your swollen belly. "Just at me, my love, okay? Just look at me - don't look anywhere else, okay? Nothing else matters."

"H-How bad? How ba-ba-bad-bad is i-it?"

"You're going to be all right," you lied to Osferth for the first time.

"Oh, my God, oh, my God," Osferth repeated through his tears and fears, "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die."

He held onto you desperately, sobbing, you slowly rocking. "No, you're all right, Osferth, it's okay, just look at me." You caressed his cheek, smearing blood, but locking eyes. "My love," you whispered, "listen to me - "

"I don't wanna die, please, please, angel, my love, please," he coughed, holding your arm tightly as if it would give him life. "Don't let me die," he wheezed, "don't let me die, my love, please, please. Don't let me die, I don't wanna die. I-I wanna meet our baby, please, I want to meet our baby, I want to be a father. Don't let me die, love, please, I-I wanna be your husband longer - "

"You'll never not be my husband and you'll never not be a father, hear me?" You sniffled, trying to smile at him. "Don't you worry, you're gonna be okay, you're okay, Osferth. You'll always be my husband, nothing will change that - I swear."

Blood pumped with each beat of his frantic heart, making it gush over your fingers. You didn't even feel it.

"Please," he choked, more blood bubbling from his lips, "don't let me die, I don't wanna die. Don't let me die, please, not now, not when our baby isn't here yet, please, I just wanna meet 'em, be a family, I wanna stay with you, don't let me go. Please, don't let me go, I don't want t'go! Don't let me - "

"Shh, it's okay, you're okay. I'm here with you. I'm right here, Osferth, you're not alone, you're never alone. I'm here. I've got you. I'll always have you, I won't ever let you go. Never."

He sobbed harder. "I don't wanna leave you. Please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be without you - " But the words choked him, a splatter spraying across your face when he coughed; you didn't even flinch.

"Listen to me," you begged, "I commend you, my dear, sweet husband, to Almighty God, and entrust you to your Creator."

Finan was heard behind you, retching jarring sobs as you read Osferth his death rite prayer. "Don't let me die," Osferth begged still, as if you held that power.

He had always looked at you as if you hung the sun and stars, and now, as if you were his very reason for living. You hated God in that moment for forcing you two through this.

"May you return to Him who formed you from the dust of the earth. May Holy Mary, the angels," now, you choked on your words, emotion clawing your throat, but still continued, "and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life. May Christ who was crucified for you bring you freedom and peace." You sobbed, "May Christ who died for you admit you into His garden of paradise. May Christ, the true Shepherd, acknowledge you as one of His flock. May He forgive all your sins, and set you among those He has chosen. Amen. Please, please, say amen, Osferth, say it, please!"

"A-Amen - Amen!" He coughed, trying to get closer to you, nestling into your warmth as he felt impossibly cold. "Don't leave me, don't leave me, please, please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be alone. I can't go without you, please, don't let me go - don't let me die, angel, please, I can't go without you. I-I’ve never been without you my whole life, I don’t wish to start now. I love you. I-I love you, please, don't let me go, I love you. I need you."

"You'll never be without me," you promised, face coated in blood, grime, dirt, and ash; all streaked with your tear tracks. "You will always be my husband, hey? Hear me? You're always gonna be with me, I will never be apart from you. I'll love you forever, Osferth, I won't ever stop." You felt your chest cave in as you sobbed, "Please, don't you leave me - "

But Osferth was wheezing and panting, only staring up at you. "I only need you," he whimpered, "I've only ever needed you, I can't do this without you. Please, I can't - I can't go without you. I don't want to leave you, I can't leave you, please!'

"So don't leave me," you sobbed, him still clawing at you in desperation. "I love you more than life, Osferth, please, don't leave me, okay? Don't go. I love you so much. Being loved by you was my greatest pleasure in this life, I want our child to know your love, too, Osferth, please, don't go."

"I-I wanna meet our baby, I wanna hold 'em, love 'em," he repeated. "Please, this can't be the end, don't let this be the end. W-We have so much more - we were supposed to have eternity together, my love, my angel, please! This isn't the end, I can't - I can't go without you!"

"You're okay," you soothed uselessly, rocking more prominently. "Just stay with me, my love, okay? Stay with me. Don't go. Only look at me, all right? You hear me?" You sniffled, caressing his cheek. "You're the best thing in my life, Osferth, yeah? Understand me? Where you're going, y-you'll be welcomed a hero, with open arms. You'll be my own angel. My real angel. The reason I keep going for our child. An-And you'll stay there just for a little while until I join you, okay? You'll watch over us, me and the baby, right? Our own angel? Hey? 'Cause you'll never be part from us - you'll never be apart from me. You and I are a forever sorta thing, we'll never be apart, we'll always be part of each other no matter what."

Osferth lost his words, eyes widening and pulling you closer.

You just soothed, "I'm here with you, my love. I'm here, I've got you. You're not alone, I'm right here, I have you. I've got you. I love you. I love you so fucking much, Osferth, okay? I love you more than anything, you're my everything. I love you," you sniffled, breaking down in worse sobs, repeating, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I wasn't faster, I love you, this shouldn't be happening. I'm so sorry, I should've come faster! I love you, I'm so sorry."

With his last breath, Osferth choked, "L-Love y-y-you."

"I love you," you hushed, bending at the waist to rest your forehead on his, "I love you so much. You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be all right, you'll be safe - where you're going, you'll be safe. I'm so sorry, my love... I'm so sorry."

You felt him go still. You felt the last of his breath exhale, his body deflate. You felt his soul detach from his body.

You froze.

"Oh, my God," you breathed, pulling back to look down at his petrified features. "Oh, my God, no, no, no. God, please, please, give him back," you sobbed, "give him back to me! Do not take him! It's not his time, you selfish cunt! Give him back! It wasn't supposed to end like this! Give him back to me, please! Please! This isn't how this was supposed to happen! We promised eternity together, please! Let us have that! Let us be together, give him back to me! I need him!"

Your shrill hysterics were heard all over Rumcofa.

Finan sobbed into his wife's arms behind you, Cynleaf knelt to slowly extend his hand onto your shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he offered, but you pushed him away harshly; knocking him into the dirt.

"No! I don't want your fucking condolences!" You snapped, holding Osferth tighter, "I want my husband! I want my husband back! Can you give him to me? Can you, Cynleaf? Can you give him back to me!?"

"No - "

"Then you have nothing to offer me! I want nothing else, nothing from you! I only want him!" You looked away from the young lad, finding Osferth's wide open eyes staring up at you. You whimpered, "I only need him, so, please. Please, give him back to me. Please. I need him, I need him, I can't do this without him, please, God, don't do this. You take so many lives, why add him to the mix!? Give him back! C'mon," you begged the cooling body, "c'mon, love, get up. Get up for me, please, just wake up. Come back to me, get up... Get up, Osferth, get up! Please! WAKE UP!"

But Osferth never moved. Never blinked. Never drew breath. And God never answered your pleas. Your dress was saturated in your husband's blood; a pooling puddle seeping into your knees, bodice drenched, his baby moving in your belly. You wailed into the still air, holding your husband tight to your chest; mouth agape to release the terrible screams of anguish, tears never ending, rocking on your knees. You didn't know what to feel... But devastation was prominent.

You wept until your throat went raw, jaw tender from your open mouth. "I'm so sorry!" You repeated, "I should've been quicker! I should've been at your side! You shouldn't have been alone! This is my fault! This is all my fault, I shouldn't have been away from you. I should've been with you, you did not deserve this end. Please! Forgive me, wherever you are, forgive me, I did not intend for this, I shouldn't have left you, I should've been at your side, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, I'm so sorry."

"No," Ingrith whispered, "no, do not say this is your fault, you did nothing - "

"Exactly!" You snapped at her, eyes ablaze, her husband silent. "I did nothing, I wasn't with him! I wasn't where I was supposed to be! And he was stabbed because of you!"

Finan whispered your name in reprimand.

"No! How many times have you rode a fucking horse, Ingrith!? And now, today, the time it truly matters, you fall; you posed distraction," you sobbed, crumpling in on yourself. "He was distracted by your fall... This shouldn't've happened, this is all wrong!"

The trio just watched you, knowing your emotions were raw and unwavering, that your words did not have meaning because your husband had just died in your arms. Hours passed, you did not move. Hours passed, your husband did not return. Hours passed, and your heart shattered with each passing breath you selfishly drew.

Because living felt selfish now without Osferth.

"Sweet one," Finan whispered, the sun setting, "we should move him. Bring him to the church so Benedict can pray."

Your head shook, "No."

"Darlin', we have to - "

"No," you whimpered, "because if you take him to Benedict, it's real. If we move, he's truly gone... He can't be gone, Finan," you sobbed, meeting your friend's eyes. "If you move him, he's gone, I'm not ready to say goodbye, please. Please, don't take him from me."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, "but he should be laid to rest."

"Don't take him from me," you begged, a new wave of tears starting. "I just - we were supposed to be a family. We were supposed to have this baby, and now, it's just me? This cannot be, so please, don't take him from me, I only need him back. Give him back to me, Finan, please, I can't be without him."

"I know," he nodded, gently encouraging you into his embrace. It meant you had to let go of Osferth, something you did slowly and gradually, leaning into the Irishman's chest. "All right, I got yah," he whispered, looking to his wife. "C'mon, stand with Ingrith. I'll carry him."

"Be gentle," you sobbed, feeling Ingrith grip your arms to help heave you to your feet; watching Finan scoop Osferth over his shoulder. The change of position made more blood splatter to the dirt, your heart stalling in your chest when you heard the mess.

You felt your soul shriveled and hidden somewhere deep in your chest, following as if in a trance. You watched Finan and Cynleaf slowly lower Osferth to the ground with the other dead Danes, feeling yourself drop to the ground in shock.

Seeing Osferth amongst the dead made it so much more real.

"It's all my fault," you sobbed, Finan moving to your side, "it's all my fault, I got him killed. I should've been quicker. This is my fault, my fault, I did this, 's my fault."

Finan knelt beside you, bringing your foreheads together to hold you tightly and let you sob into his embrace. "You didn't do this," he promised, "you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault. Do not carry this guilt."

You sobbed without reprieve.

Young Uhtred halted Father Benedict from praying over the Danes, telling the older man they had different customs, but looked back at you. He asked your name softly, wondering, "Do you wish for a prayer for... Him?"

Even Young Uhtred couldn't stomach the truth, avoiding using Osferth's name out of sheer disbelief.

"That'd be nice," Finan agreed, turning to sit beside you and hold you under his arm. You leaned into his embrace, head to his shoulder. "She read him his death rites when... It happened."

Young Uhtred nodded, bowing his head, leading, "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Then, you joined from under Finan's heavy arm, sobbing through your words, "Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death."

Benedict finished, "Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end."

Together, you, Ingrith, Young Uhtred, Benedict, Finan, and even Cynleaf ended, "Amen."

Feeling the most level-headed, Ingrith stepped in and directed the men; informing that Young Uhtred should lead the remaining Danes to Daneland, Finan and Cynleaf would meet Uhtred on the road, and she would accompany you to Wessex - where Osferth could be laid to rest at the place of his birth. Then, the people mourned together for their fallen.

Finan disagreed initially, telling his wife you were his responsibility now that Osferth was passed. But there was no way you could continue with the company, not in your pregnant state. Finan didn't like the idea of you being without him, considering you close to a sister; something of a best mate, someone he couldn't turn his back on - no matter the situation. However, he understood the predicament and finally agreed to part ways, but not before he untied Osferth's crucifix and latched it around your neck. At the gates of Rumcofa, before separating, Finan gifted you his rosary; thinking it might bring comfort in his physical absence.

Years from then, you would bring up a single son named Gabriel (a name your husband favored, a name benefitting an Angel) under Lord Uhtred in his birthplace of Bebbanburg. You never remarried. You never even so much as looked after another man with lust. Gabriel would grow into a handsome warrior and a devoted man of God, satisfied on tales about his father; being painted as a man of honor, integrity, and bravery. Osferth, too, was a man of God, a man of the sword, and a man of his word... Until the very end. And when your time came, you were brought back to Wessex to be laid to rest with your husband; your son having a son, naming him Osferth, and knowing, both his parents shined down on him in pride.

It was a comfort for everyone to know, somewhere in the afterlife, in God's warmth, you and Osferth were reunited; looking just as you did the day you parted from one another.

requesting rules and masterlist

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maluuustrawberry · 6 months ago

Text

Undesirable encounter

(Claude Frollo X Female reader)

Synopsis: You were the new seamstress in Paris and Frollo suspects that you were harboring Romani in your shop. It looks like your first start was more tense than you expected...

A/n: I confess that I am in love with the Hunchback of Notre-Dame and I especially love the book. I hope you readers like it, and if you want to give me tips I accept (you can correct me too) If you want other Disney characters, you can ask me💕.

(Guys, I don't know if you know, but the word "gypsy" is a slur and should not be used, the correct one is "Roma" Or "Romani people" I put "Gypsy" only in Frollo's lines since you know the type of person he is.)

It was just another ordinary day in Paris, you had arrived in the city a few months ago and worked as a dressmaker. You immediately became known for the beautiful dresses you produced for the girls and the beautiful clothes for the boys too. You had an excellent aesthetic sense.

But what you had in the way of talent, you also had in the way of kindness. When you heard about the persecution of the Romani people, you felt touched by the situation and decided to help them. It was very risky, but you weren't going to stand by and let it happen like the other citizens of Paris were doing, letting themselves be manipulated by Frollo and his hate speeches. There was a basement in your house that you used to store fabric and sewing materials. You took advantage of that room to help some Romani hide in case of emergency if they were being chased by the guards and if there was no time to run to the court of miracles.

And so it went on, you were extremely careful not to leave any traces, until one day or another these "rumors" ended up reaching the judge.

You were sewing up the sleeves of a client's dress, which had been placed in the moulage to make it easier for you to work, and your attention now turned to the bell that rang as soon as the door was opened. Immediately, the atmosphere of the place changed when you saw who had entered. You knew those clothes, the face worn by age and you couldn't forget that look of superiority and pride, because himself thought he was important and better than everyone because of his opposition and faith. Looking behind those glass windows, you could also see some of his men at the front of the store:

“Bonjour, madame.” Frollo said sternly, snapping you out of your thoughts. That thick, authoritative voice gave you the creeps. “I'd like to know who owns this establishment. Your husband is here?”

“A-Ah! Good morning...” You forced a smile and stuck the needle into the moulage so you wouldn't lose it. “Your Honor, I'm the owner, and no, I don't have a husband.”

As you said this, the judge looked you up and down with contempt. Of course, in the 16th century, a young woman like you not being married was a disgrace to society, and on top of that, being able to read and owning your own business was even worse. You weren't tense or nervous with him in your store, on the contrary, you were so calm... After all, you cleaned out the basement and removed any evidence as soon as a family of Romani's moved out recently:

“I've received information that you've been harboring gypsies in your house and I'm here to find out the facts, have you been harboring gypsies?” He got straight to the point.

“No, sir.” You pretended to be as honest as possible, fortunately you were good at lying.

“You know that if you lie, the sentence for insubordination is death...” He moved closer in an attempt to intimidate her.

“My conscience is clear. You have permission to investigate my store, since my words don't apply to you.”

“If I wasn't allowed to, seamstress, I'd still make a point of searching this place from top to bottom, whether you agree or not.”

The older man signaled for some of his men to enter the store before you could protest or complain. Since you were the only one who seemed to have enough courage to go against the judge's ideas when you were right. They went in and started rummaging around for clues, looking everywhere, even under the skirts of the dresses on the mannequins.

Frollo looked you up and down in an nothing unobtrusive way, you didn't notice the glances, but as soon as you did, it gave you the creeps and you avoided looking back at him. He had never noticed you in the city before and he noticed your accent, deducing that you might be a foreigner. The judge couldn't take his eyes off you, you were a very beautiful woman and seemed so delicate, and it seems that some feeling awakened in him when he saw that you were without gloves and your dress showed your shoulders. He came out of his thoughts when a guard approached:

"Sir, we've looked everywhere and found nothing..." Being a clever woman, an idea came to your mind: perhaps it would be better if they looked at everything to leave you alone.

"Have you looked in my basement, gentlemen?" you asked, kicking the rug that hid the small door in the wooden floor of your store.

Frollo was suspicious, but sent his men in to search every corner of the small cellar. Fortunately, they didn't find anything either, just sewing materials and expensive fabrics. After looking around in vain, the men left the store, leaving you and the judge alone:

“I apologize for this inconvenience.” He said as you went to the moulage to finish the dress.

“You shouldn't believe every rumor out there, Your Honor, not all of them can be true.” You said politely. “but apologies accepted, I know it was for the good of Paris and you care a lot about the city.”

Returning to work, you thought he would leave after all that had happened and notice you "busy" sewing, but no, he stayed in the store while walking slowly around analyzing his surroundings:

“This basement...” He pointed to the carpet above the small door. “Why was it hidden?”

“I don't see the need to show everyone that I have a basement here.” You replied nonchalantly. “and besides, I think that old door would spoil the pretty look of my store.”

Frollo didn't seem to believe in that very much, but you shrugged and continued sewing. There were a few seconds of silence, you could only hear his footsteps coming towards you and could feel that man's gaze on you all the time, causing you a certain nervousness or fear. What did he want anyway?

“Do you want anything else?” you asked in an attempt to break the silence and take your mind off the discomfort of feeling his gaze on you, stopping your sewing and looking at him now.

“I just want you to know.” He said, standing close and looking at her with disgust. “I'll keep an eye on you, I won't trust a literate, single woman so easily... I know women of your kind.”

“I don't think who I am or what I do has anything to do with helping... Ouch!” You interrupted yourself with pain when you felt the needle pierce your finger. It was normal for this to happen when were working with sewing, but it had never been this deep, Maybe it happened because of the anger you was feeling at that moment.

Immediately you dropped the needle out of sheer instinct, and in a quick and daring moment Frollo grabbed your hand with a certain amount of force, bringing it in front of his face, which had a small smile of satisfaction on it. The judge was a sadomasochist, he enjoyed seeing someone in pain, especially when it was someone he thought deserved such a punishment. You were shocked by his attitude, you weren't expecting it and didn't know how to react. What was he doing? Frollo continued to hold your hand, watching the small drop of blood ooze from your pricked finger, but his attention wasn't just there, it was on your fingers, your soft skin and the sensation it brought when you touched it with the contact of the warm hand and his, which was a little cold:

“What are you doing?” You asked, with a bit of hatred for such a vulgar and daring attitude, and he laughed a little.

“What would the church think of a woman exposing her bare hands in front of a high-ranking man like me?” You had no reaction for fear. Gradually his fingers entwined in yours and you saw that his eyes went to your small cleavage and your bare shoulders. “And it's not just your hands that are exposed...”

You quickly pulled your hand free and he looked at you incredulously:

“My hands are only exposed because I can't wear gloves when I sew, and you still don't have the right to do that. It's in the Bible; If your eye or your hand causes you to sin, throw it away!” A small smile came to Frollo's face when he heard that.

“So bold... It's typical of women like you to turn away from guilt in order to confuse men's minds with pagan thoughts, but that doesn't matter any more...”

He walked away, heading for the door to leave, but first his attention turned to you:

“It was a nice chat, seamstress... I want you to make me a cloak and sew me a pair of gloves, I'll be expecting you to deliver them tomorrow night.”

After saying that, he left, leaving you with no reaction to what had just happened. You were angry, but at the same time relieved that he hadn't found out. As soon as he left, you stared at your hand, which he touched and intertwined with his large, thin fingers. You'd have to be more careful now, he'd be stalking you and the reason wouldn't just be because he suspected you of helping the Romani people, it would be because of something else and you know exactly what it was and what his intentions were...

End...

#the hunchback of notre dame #disney #disney x reader #fanfiction #claude frollo #frollo x reader #judge frollo #claude frollo x reader #clopin trouillefou #judge claude frollo #thond #esmerelda #disney villains #disney villains x reader #captain phoebus

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 5 months ago

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since it's pride month, i want to highlight my favorite underrated/underappreciated queer characters and ships! (part 1/???)

(feel free to add more!)

Lake - Infinity Train (non-canon)

it's not canon but you cannot tell me that Lake isn't an allegory for trans/nb people. her arc is so beautiful and her character resonates with me so much!

i have to admit, i actually kinda hated her in the beginning because of how aggressive and rude she was, but she actually gets good character development and you can also understand why she was the way she was, being a good representation of a minority who is constantly suffering because of the social norms she’s forced into. also i don’t ship her with jesse but i do like the idea of them in a qpr or just being platonic besties.

(i use she/her pronouns for Lake because that's what they use in the series, but also because not all non-binary people use they/them, and it's kinda weird to see people insist on using they/them for Lake just because she's nb-coded. she has never shown an aversion to bring referred to with she/her pronouns.)

Le Chevre x El Topo - Carmen Sandiego (canon)

they are side characters who don't play a huge role in the narrative but they are a really cute couple and have been confirmed to be canon! even without the confirmation, it’s clear that they were written to be a romantic couple.

mild spoiler: after the series ends, they stop being antagonists and instead put up a food truck together! it’s the cutest thing, i swear

Ryan x Min-gi - Infinity Train (non-canon)

my OTP through and through! i say non-canon but the romance is so heavily implied, you cannot ignore it.

they're a good example of childhood friends who had a complicated relationship where both individuals did something wrong, but in the end, they grow as people and manage to mend their relationship together.

Moomin x Snufkin - Moominvalley (canon)

i have only read one of the books and watched a few clips of these two characters but from that alone, it's clear that they were written as lovers (and the author is queer too!)

they are a beautiful portrayal of long-distance relationship where both individuals have different needs in life, but still want to be with each other regardless.

Terrestrius / Terry - The Dragon Prince (canon)

Terry is canonically transmasc and they actually manage to explain this in the series, without making it sound too forced or expository. he's such a sweetheart too, and his relationship with Claudia is actually really sweet, despite the fact that she's one of the villains.

Carmen x Julia - Carmen Sandiego (non-canon)

again, i say non-canon but it is heavily implied that they have feelings for each other, especially in the extra interactive episode, where Carmen leaves a bouquet of red roses for Julia, and Julia is shown to blush when receiving them.

Amaya x Janai - The Dragon Prince (canon)

what’s that? it’s actually possible to write an enemies to lovers romance that is healthy and not extremely abusive?

Amaya and Janai have such a good relationship in S5 (and Amaya is also a great disabled representation!) Janai actually learns sign language to communicate with Amaya, and there are no unnecessary miscommunication plots or drama, they’re just a really loving wlw couple.

Benson x Troy - Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (canon)

when i say we need more mlm ships in animated media!! i’m so glad us sapphics are getting a lot of representation but it’s time cartoons started including more queer men.

benson and troy are just a really sweet couple with a good relationship that doesn’t have a ton of pining or unnecessary angst. while i love complex and tragic queer relationships, i also think that it’s good to show teenagers just being teenagers sometimes.

this opinion seems to be scarce in the queer community, which really annoys me tbh.

Raine x Eda - The Owl House (canon)

i cannot believe that given the popularity of TOH, Raeda is still such an overlooked ship. this might be an unpopular opinion but Raeda is better written and has more chemistry than Lumity and Huntlow.

just within the span of Raine's introductory episode, they managed to establish a clearly romantic past between these two characters, and also an interesting dynamic. and even though they didn't have much screentime, they still turned out to be the best ship in the series. (again, just my opinion, don't come at me)

i think it's so important to show older queer people in media, just as it is important to show younger queer characters. it helps establish the fact that queerness has always existed and isn't some newfound trend that social media invented. not to mention, raeda is one of the very few canon ships that include a non-binary character.

#there are so many more characters and couples that i want to mention #i might make a part 2 #the dragon prince #tdp #the owl house #toh #carmen sandiego #moominvalley #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts #infinity train #lake infinity train #toh raeda #carulia #infinity train rymin #snufmin #terry tdp #queer community #lgbtqia #pride month

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teyamsgrl · 1 year ago

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Hi Jade! Do you think you'd be up to do Neteyam fic where he and the reader are sweet on each other but because she's younger than him and friends with Lo'ak he doesn't wanna go that route with her so he distances himself from her and he starts vetting available girls in the clan as a distraction and this makes the reader decide to put her needs first and she starts thinking about future mates since Neteyam isn’t seemingly worried about her. But then a rumor starts that either Lo'ak and reader are to be mates or someone else is courting her and this pushes Neteyam to stake his claim and make her his.

❗️MDNI ❗️

hi!!!! oh my goddddd this idea is amazing, everyone say THANK YOU ANON 🗣️ jealous and in love neteyam woowowowowo i'm dead already - also this gif is so fucking crisp and clear holy fuck he is so fine respectfully

p.s: sorry it took me forever to get this completed! had some writer's block along with uni starting again 🥲

just a distraction ✧ neteyam

°˖➴ warnings: fem omatikaya reader, agedup!neteyam, dom!neteyam, jealous!teyam, younger!reader, sub!reader, friends to lovers, slow burn??, dirty talk, oral f & m receiving, missionary 😮‍💨 - paskalin: honey

despite being lo'ak's age and his best friend, you and neteyam got along extremely well. this 'getting along' also included a lot of unsaid feelings and the romantic tension between you both was unbelievably visible yet neither of you ever said a word. your actions showed enough though; the extra long hugs, the touches as you pass each other, the undivided attention as you teach each other new skills, the looks you share throughout the day. you were so obviously in love with neteyam and you figured he maybe felt the same; that is until he started to avoid you a week ago. it hurt. it hurt so bad.

what made it even worse was that he was going around the village and chatting up all the girls, showing off and being touchy. it made your blood boil as you watched him because that should be you. as you watch him speak to kai'ra, a very skilled hunter, you start to snap out of it. clearly neteyam doesn't want you so why are you sitting here pining over him? what's the fucking point? sure, it sucked to accept that you would never be with neteyam like you had anticipated for a long time but there was no point in sulking about it. there were many other desirable men in the clan and you figured that you'd find the right one eventually.

"i heard that y/n is being courted, is that true, lo'ak?" neytiri questions as the sully family sits together in their hut eating an evening meal. neteyam almost chokes on the food in his mouth, eyes wide and jealousy rising in his chest. "yeah, by ät’uk and i think someone else too" lo'ak responds to his mother nonchalantly before continuing to eat. there are other men attempting to court y/n? what had he done? neteyam couldn't deny his feelings for you, they were almost overwhelming. it was hard for him to put distance between you both, but he felt that it was right due to the fact that you are younger and best friends with his little brother. this was clearly a mistake. the pit in his stomach was haunting, just knowing there were other men chasing after you had him anxious and on top of that, angry. neteyam set his bowl down and stood up abruptly, telling his family that he just needed some air and to walk by himself. he rushed out of the hut, turning left to head to where he knew you'd be; tree of voices.

you went to the tree of voices every night before eclipse to visit your late father, the visits always bringing you peace. just as you detach your queue from the tree, you hear someone approaching. you rarely saw others approach the tree of voices at this time of night, so you got a bit startled naturally. "it's just me", you hear that familiar voice you love so much. your heart swelled as he came into the light expelled by the tree, you had missed him despite his actions. "neteyam.." you say, nervously shifting to stand up and face him. "is ät’uk courting you?" he asks matter of factly, a glow of jealousy in his amber eyes. "uh... he has been trying, yes, so has tar'ete" you answer him, observing the way his nose scrunches at your words. "well, that's not gonna happen" he takes a step closer to you, now chest to chest. "and you get to decide that for me? that's funny, especially since you've been avoiding me" your tone is harsh, but it was true, what right did he have to state his opinion when he left you in the dust?

"look- i just thought that since you're younger and lo'ak's best friend it would be better to not initiate something with you, but" his hands move to grab your hips, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. "it was a mistake. i talked to all these other girls and i felt nothing, then i heard you were being courted and i just- you're mine and i won't let anyone else have you" he breathes out, pressing his forehead to yours and allowing his lips to ghost over yours. "i've always been yours, neteyam. it killed me to watch you with all those other girls.." you whisper softly, your own hands gripping his shoulders as though he could slip away any second. "i know, it was just a distraction. i'm sorry, paskalin.." the pet name effortlessly falls from his lips, said lips slowly inching closer to yours. you nod slightly, breath tickling his lips. before you can act first he presses his lips to yours, moving in sync with yours as though you had done this a million times before.

you hum into the kiss, hands running to weave into his braids as his tongue slips into your mouth, gliding along your own tongue. his hands on your hips pull them against his, bulge pressing against you and bringing more wetness between your legs. "neteyam" you whine out softly, grinding into his bulge and pulling out a moan from him. "y/n..." he sighs as he watches you sink to your knees, hands untying his loincloth from his tail that is swishing around in excitement. your eyes widen slightly as his cock bounces out of the confines of his loincloth, hard and leaking already. you lick the tip softly, his head falling back from the sensation. "wanna be yours..." you murmur, kissing along his shaft. "you are, i promise" he moans out as your mouth engulfs his tip, sucking and gradually taking in his entire length.

you start bobbing your head up and down, gagging slightly as his tip hits the back of your throat. "that's it, fuck..." neteyam's hands hold your head as he thrusts gently into your mouth, your mouth his to use. he moans as he continues, the whining and choking sounds turning him on even further. he pulls you off of him and you gasp for air, hand wrapping around his length to stroke him. "no- it's your turn, paskalin" he holds out his hands for you and you grab them, standing up and facing him once again. he is now the one to drop to his knees, hands swiftly removing your loincloth in seconds. he grabs your left leg, hoisting it over his shoulder so your glistening hole is on display. his arms keep you steady on one leg while he leans in, tip of his tongue gently flicking over your clit. you shudder at the touch and whine out his name softly, bringing a smirk to his lips. he leans in again and brings your clit into his mouth, suckling on it like there's no tomorrow.

neteyam moves downwards, tongue plunging into your hole and lapping at your wetness while he leaves marks on your thighs from how tight his grip is. "teyam-" you whine, hands holding his head not only for stability but out of pure pleasure. he hums against you, vibrations shooting through your body as his mouth continues it's assault on you. his one hand moves back to grab the plush of your ass, lightly spanking as he shoves his face further into you. "feels good" you squeak out, hips bucking into his mouth frantically. "yeah? wanna cum on my cock babygirl?" he mumbles between licks to your clit. "please yes" you gasp and lock eyes with him, allowing him to lie you flat on your back.

neteyam crawls over top of you, one hand beside your head as the other lines his cock up with your entrance. the pressure of his tip at your hole has you mewling already, hands reaching for his biceps as he begins to push in. the stretch is intense yet the most pleasurable thing you had ever felt, your back arching in an instant. his breath is shaky as he bottoms out, pulling away slightly to ram right back into you. he leans to press his forehead on yours as he settles on a rhythm, breath grazing your lips as your rock back and forth together. "shit-" he groans as your walls squeeze him on each thrust, his fingers pressing into the dirt below you. "oh eywa..." you whine, nails dragging down neteyam's toned back.

"so good.... you're mine, aren't you?" he hums, hips jerking continuously and causing squelching sounds to fill your ears. "yours, all yours" you moan, nails digging into his back further as your orgasm begins it's fast approach. "that's right- fuck, i'm close.. where do you-" "inside, please" you beg, legs tugging him in by the waist as you begin to quiver. "okay- oh babyyy.." he groans as he pumps you full, your own orgasm releasing simultaneously. both of your breathing is heavy as you come down, bodies pressed together.

"you're amazing" he whispers, hand stroking your cheek as he lies beside you now. "so are you" you whisper back, placing your much smaller hand on top of his, staring into his amber eyes. "be my mate?" he asks, other hand resting on your stomach. "yes, of course yes" you smile, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him close. he chuckles and wraps his arms around you as well, his strong arms keeping you as close as possible. "all we need is tsaheylu" he mumbles, smirk plastered on his face. "are you saying you want a round two?" you giggle, kissing along his jaw. "maybe..."

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bluebasie · 2 months ago

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Hashira Character Analysis Sexuality head canons!!

Since the canon sexualities of the Hashiras were never confirmed and will likely never be confirmed, I have taken it upon myself to come up with a sexuality head canon for each of them based on scenes from the anime, manga, and fan books, etc. This is a pretty large task and analyzing every piece of Demon Slayer media is a huge task so please forgive me if I miss a piece of information that could be interpreted as information suggesting a character’s preference for love! Keep in mind that these are just personal head canon that I wanted to share, and I will include some non-canon ships to show cases of interest. Also, disclaimer, I will not be adding a head canon for Muichiro because I genuinely don't know about him, and I don't think there is enough information about his character loving another and I also don't feel comfortable speculating about his sexuality given his age. But anyways, I will be using a series of quotes, scenes, and situations to come up with each potential sexuality for each Hashira and some may be more detailed than others due to a surplus of scenes or personal bias causing me to pay a little more attention to my favorites. Sorry in advance but I'll try and make it not as noticeable!

Starting with the Water Pillar, Tomioka Giyuu!

Starting off the bat, I really don't think that Tomioka has an interest in women. Let me explain. A huge example of this can be seen in Tomioka’s attitude towards a relationship between Shinazugawa Sanemi and Kocho Shinobu. From season one we can see Kocho’s attempts and friendship with Tomioka and just how unreceived they are despite Kocho's adamant insistence to the point of annoyance. While one could say that he just doesn't like her, it is mentioned during his soba eating contest with Tanjiro in the anime that he definitely does worry about her. Despite this he treats her like an annoyed older brother with an annoying younger sister who likes to pretend they don't care about each other but actually do. Regardless of this dynamic, Tomioka has made it clear he does not always enjoy her forced company, and he has clearly shown a reluctance to try and form a deeper bond with her. On the other hand, while Tomioka is known for being socially avoidant, he actively tries to befriend Shinazugawa where he genuinely breaks his emotionless mask that he's had on for years at the thought of closeness with Shinazugawa. He is shown to genuinely have a deep fascination with Sanemi as seen in his conversation with Tanjiro in the Light novels where they talk about Sanemi and a situation where he asked Giyuu out to eat and he rejected him because he had just eaten. After understanding why Shinazugawa had gotten angry afterwards, he smiles at the thought of Sanemi wanting to eat with him. There is also the fact that in the fanbook when it shows what each hashira thinks of each other for mitsuri it says that he thinks she shows too much skin implying that he thinks it unsafe for her without regard to the sexual implications of exposing her chest and legs due to the skirt. Also, it is said in an extra chapter looking at what each character was doing after the war, it is said that Giyuu and the Uzui family frequent the hot springs which if you didn't know are common in Japan to soak in without clothes. When in the panel at the hot springs it can be seen that Giyuu sits alone away from all of them. This again shows a small glimpse into his potential disinterest in women. Then there is the entire Sabito situation. While it is not said in Demon slayer that Giyuu and Sabito were romantically involved, it is implied throughout giyuu’s entire character story of the impact that Sabito and his death has had and continued to have on his life for years. Giyuu’s interest and want for closeness for both Sanemi and Sabito throughout the Franchise shows his preference for relationships with men rather than women in general. Because of this I would say that my head canon for Giyuu would be that he is definitely a gay man. I don't really think he’s bi just because of his lack of interest expressed in women at all in the entire franchise so I think he is exclusively attracted to men. However is implied in the final chapter that he had a ‘descendent’ implying that he ended up with a woman, he has other family as seen when we was taken away by extended family after his sister’s death and I frankly don't think it’s in character for Giyuu to find and leave a woman pregnant within the three to four years he has left with the demon mark seeing as he has little to no natural charisma and social skills as well as the fact that it would be terrible to leave a woman alone to raise a baby by herself with no close family in the 1920’s but I digress. Overall, I think that based on character interactions my final head canon for Giyuu is that he is gay.

Now onto my girl the Insect Pillar, Kocho Shinobu.

Throughout the franchise it is seen that Kocho seems to have no romantic attraction to any characters in the entire manga, anime, etc. She also is shown to have no want or need for romantic connection due to her priorities is not only demon slaying but also running a hospital and planning her own death after being blinded by the idea of revenge on the demon who had killed her sister. It is also seen that her character largely revolves around family unlike Giyuu’s character revolving around friendship/love for others. Shinobu’s motives and relationships revolve around her sisters, Kanae and Kanao, as well as Aoi and the butterfly triplets. She also seems to hold a connection with Inosuke as a sort of mother figure. Clearly, we can see that Shinobu places a higher emphasis on family, including found family, which shows her character prioritizing care for platonic relationships. She also seems to not care for romantic relationships for the future because she never planned a future for herself with her plan being to sacrifice herself to kill Douma to avenge Kanae. It is clearly shown that her priorities lay in the family she has collected over the years and creating justice for the family she has lost including her sister and the fact that her reasoning for becoming a demon slayer was the impact of her parents' death. Overall Shinobu does not have any romantic feelings for others being too clouded in her mission to kill the one who had killed her sister, and she never planned to find a partner one day due to the fact that she never planned for another day after the infinity castle. Because of her preference for platonic relationships, lack of interest in romance, and opposition to sexualizing herself as seen when she burns the original female uniform given to her, I think she is aromantic asexual. This head canon is very dear to me despite not actually being aroace myself because of her serious priority to her family that just isn't seen often in shonen media with girls who are never shown to be interested in romantic love and instead have their own story and goal to focus on. If you couldn't tell at this point, I really love Shinobu’s character.

Now I'm moving onto the Sound Pillar, Uzui Tengen.

To start us off with the obvious, Uzui is polygamous. This is cannon and not a head canon so we can add that as a fact so moving on to beyond his polygamous status I guess I am mainly interested in if he is only attracted to women or also men. Right off the bat, purely based on speculation, I would say that he would be open to something like that just due to his openness to ideas that were not common during this time period or in his communities as well as his preference for the extravagant, in his words flashy. This can not only be seen with his polygamous relationship but also with his insistence that his wives put their own lives before others which was practically unheard of in the shinobi communities that they all had grown up in. While this took a long time to adjust to for Suma, Makio, and Hinatsuru, Uzui was open to this new life priority seeing as he was the one who had come up with it. He is also seen to be open to multi-gendered bathing in the hot springs with his wives and Giyuu which could further the point that he has no preference for gender or things like that and that he just wants to have a flashy time. One final thing that could possibly point towards his lack of preference could maybe be the fact that he puts a lot of emphasis on his looks. While during this time period men usually didn't wear makeup, jewels, paint their nails, and wear shiny clothes, Uzui disregards social norms to be the best self that he can so this could possibly point towards his lack of care about love between the same gender because those things just would not matter to him. Because of his supposed ‘lack of care for gender’, I definitely think he likes both genders, but I also do think he has a slight preference for women for whatever reason due to the fact that he has three wives obviously. For Uzui’s final head canon, I would say that he’s bisexual with a slight preference for women.

Now going on to the Flame Pillar, Rengoku Kyojuro.

There also isn't much to see about relationships between Rengoku and other characters but based on his dedication to his family's traditions through Hashira lineage, breathing style, and estate, I do believe that if Rengoku was to stay alive that he would have wanted to find a wife and settle down at some point like his family before him. He is shown to love being around his mother and taking care of his brother so I can definitely see him growing to be a huge family man who just loves his wife a lot. There was a small quip in a fan book where Rengoko refers to Tomioka as handsome, but it honestly just felt like a supportive bro thing where he doesn't feel ashamed to compliment his friends. Rengoku’s relationship with mitsuri could be somewhat evidence that he does not feel much attraction for women but obviously he's not just going to be into every woman he sees, and he clearly views mitsuri as a younger sister. This only proves his family man status even more with his care to those who are younger than him. Due to his constant support of others and traditions of a traditional family I feel confident in saying that Rengoku is the number one Straight ally. He would totally be supportive if any of the Hashira ended up getting together with a person who is the same gender as themselves.

Moving on to the Wind Pillar, Shinazugawa Sanemi.

Shinazugawa is one of the characters who have seemed to show interest, whether romantic or other, but interest nonetheless in both men and women. It is seen in the fan books and the light novels that he was interested in Kocho Kanae when she was alive stating that being with her made him remember his mover and his infatuation with Tomioka over the span of the series with him getting distracted by the sound of his voice, getting visibly worked up over even the smallest of actions that he does, encouraging him in the war, and being seen having a close relationship after the final war arc. Sanemi is shown to be a very expressive individual who feels a lot of feelings towards others and some of those feelings I would say are feelings of attraction, infatuation, and even love. Sanemi is also shown to be very defensive of his feelings as seen when Tanjiro walks in on his and Tomioka’s fight which is seen to be very unguarded and raw with it being a direct expression of everything Sanemi was feeling and everything he wanted to express. However, when Tanjiro views this exchange Sanemi immediately jumps to the conclusion that Tanjiro was ‘spying on them’ as if this fight was meant to be hidden and private not for the eyes or knowledge of anybody besides Tomioka. It seems to me that Shinazugawa clearly knows what he feels about Giyuu and he is scared of it and tries to hide it from others and also himself. He ends up losing this guard after the war though when it is seen that he goes out to eat lunch with Giyuu after sorting out the miscommunication between them over the years. Because of his intense feelings towards people who are both genders, I would say that he is definitely bisexual. I don't know if he has a preference and what preference he would lean towards if he had one but for now I'm just going to say that he is bisexual.

Moving on to the Stone Pillar, Himejima Gyomei.

This one is pretty simple, I think. Gyomei is a Buddhist monk so that means he is celibate. This essentially means that he would not have a romantic partner or have children in an attempt to forward his path to enlightenment. He has never shown romantic interest in anyone throughout the span of the series, so I think it's safe to say that he is Unlabeled? I don't want to say that he is aroace because I don't know if he has romantic feelings but just doesn't act on them or if he doesn't have them at all, but I guess it would make sense if he was on the aroace spectrum. I think either aroace or unlabeled would work here and are headcanons that would make a lot of sense.

Next, we have the Love Pillar, Kanroji Mitsuri.

In connection to her breathing style, Mitsuri is a very expressive and loving person to people of all types. This does also include women as well. In her character introduction in the first season this is explicitly shown where after every character introduction of the other Hashiras Mitsuri would include a small quip about some words of admiration, she has for them including Shinobu. While Kanroji did join the Demon slayers for a husband, I think that she actually does have love for everyone regardless of gender and she just really wants a husband specifically because of social norms and the fact that she wants somebody who is stronger than her and while there are very few men who are stronger than her there are few women who fit that standard as well. Other than that, I don't think that the LOVE Hashira really has a preference for gender, and she just feels a small attraction towards everybody. I think that she could be pansexual or at least under the bisexual umbrella if anybody believes she has a preference towards one gender, but I think she just feels a good amount of love for everybody and everything with a high surplus for Iguro and therefore pansexual!

Finally, we've got the most difficult to understand in my opinion, The Serpent Hashira, Iguro Obanai.

Iguro has got quite the history with a distaste towards women due to the trauma he had endured during his childhood. His lack of romantic affection had been carried with him for his entire life until meeting Mitsuri when he fell head over heels for her. Iguro’s love for mitsuri has frankly made it pretty difficult to understand or come up with a headcanon due to his disinterest in literally every one besides her. I don't think he would ever love another woman or show affection to another man which makes it difficult to come up with something. I guess I could say that he is unlabeled because he literally does not love anybody and has never loved anybody besides Mitsuri before. I could also say that he is Asexual because as seen in his entrapment, the fascination the snake demon had of him, her watching him at night, and his family overloading him with overwhelming food he did not want. This could all be seen as an allegory for sexual assault and/or grooming as a child and that might have caused him to want to avoid anything sexual and therefore I think it could be very possible that he could at least be under the asexual umbrella.

That was a lot of writing so thank you if you read this far! Keep in mind that these are head canons and if you disagree on anything please don't start a war in the comments or anything. Please. Anyways I would love to hear your own head canons and what you think of this small character analysis!

#demon slayer #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #kny hashira #giyuu tomioka #shinobu kocho #tengen uzui #rengoku kyojuro #sanemi shinaguzawa #gyomei himejima #mitsuri kanroji #obanai iguro #sanegiyuu #obamitsu #headcanon #sexuality

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erospandemos · 1 year ago

Text

I just can't help it

Yandere Chaewon x Reader

Part 1

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

― Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

What you’re about to read is a confession to you. An apology, if you prefer to call it that, as I’ve professed my love to you plenty of times—although it won’t ever be enough—and you’re at the knowledge of every crime I’ve committed since we met.

My Korean teacher repeatedly reiterated the lack of clarity in my essays and oral exams. I’m not good with words, you see. That’s why I thought that letting you know about the events in my life that shaped me and the feelings that followed me throughout these months would make you understand me better.

I know our conversations weren’t as deep as you probably expected. I’ve tried to explain myself to the best of my abilities and even if it was a mess you seemed to make out that flurry of words and comfort me. Sometimes, I truly thought you understood me more than I did.

It’s true that we always talked in riddles and puzzles but it made more sense that way. Because our—my—love was pure madness and somehow the riddles explained it better than we ever could.

The lack of sleep shouldn’t have affected my mind too much, at least in the part that’s in charge of writing.

If you’re reading this, I hope you understand. Sorry if I’m rambling a lot, and sorry if I will ramble more in the following pages. Right, sorry if I’m apologizing a lot—you told me not to do that. I just can’t help it.

I was tortured since the age of 6 when I started going to elementary school, that’s as far as I can remember. You could also say I was “bullied”, it’s what the adults like to call it, but it’s the same thing. People get defensive, almost offended when I use the other term. “Wow,” was a common reaction, “that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” I didn’t think it was extreme.

When I so naively asked my teacher the difference between the two words, she chuckled and looked at me as if I asked her what the difference between hot and cold was. Surprise was another clear feeling I could read from her expression. She asked me how I knew those words. I simply said I heard them from outside and she told me to forget them.

That evening, when I came home, I took the chair from my mother’s desk and put it next to the bookshelf, I climbed it and looked at the books on the top shelf. They were the books she used the least and between them, sitting all dusty and forgotten, was also the dictionary.

I blew and rubbed the dust away then I looked for the two words. I read the two definitions closely and more than one time but I still didn’t understand. They were the same.

I didn’t ask my teacher anything else. My teacher was clearly against explaining them to me.

But I was sure, I knew those two words extremely well because I felt them on my skin.

I wanted to be an idol. I told everyone in my class because I thought it was a normal dream—we all watched idols on TV in the afternoon—and being an astronaut seemed a lot harder. Apparently, it wasn’t. Because I wanted to perform on a stage, I was “pretentious”, “narcissistic”, an “attention-seeker”, and a “whore”. I didn’t know what they meant and thought they were compliments and they etched those words into my skin.

I later found their definitions in the dictionary and understood what they were saying.

I wasn’t the only girl who wanted to be an idol. Hayoon, a classmate of mine, dreamt of testing for JYP, SM, YG, and all those big companies. She took dance and singing classes, they were both in group and private. She could afford it because her family was very rich. From what I heard in the classroom, she started training when she was just a little girl because her parents saw her dancing in front of the TV during an episode of Inkigayo.

Surprisingly, Hayoon was never shamed. Because she was “humble” and had “her feet on the ground”. She was loved by everyone and was the most favored prospect for the role of an idol, everyone seemed to believe in her dream. She was confident, danced well, and was beautiful. All the girls went to her house at least twice a month to go to her huge pool, splendid garden, and majestic house. I never went, I was never invited.

She was good at everything and topped all subjects. However, I sang better than her. In music classes and festivals, I was always chosen and often took the roles instead of her. When she realized she wasn’t the best, she became embarrassed and frustrated.

She didn’t have any way of making me sing worse and neither could sing better than me, even after all those expensive lessons, so she took to poking fun at me to try and drag me down. Of course her friends joined as well. They were always calling me "ugly", "weird", and "gross" in a way that didn’t seem childish or playful, but demeaning and insulting.

The other kids constantly berated me between classes, glued my books to the desk, slapped me and then ran away. They knew all the spots where there was no CCTV in the school. They even stole my brand-new headphones and glued my shoestrings to my shoes when I didn’t see them. We wore slippers and my shoes were in my locker.

My teachers never helped me. I’ve tried telling them and they didn’t believe me, or rather, they chose not to believe me because that was easier for them.

Only a girl had the courage to help me, it only took one word and two days to have everyone against her. “Stop,” she only said that and then everyone hated her. You never go against the group, you never try to make yourself different, you never try to fight back.

In the end, I understood the difference between torture and bullying: one was for hurting and one was for fun.

During middle school, the bullying stepped up a notch. Some of my classmates went to my same middle school, they had many friends there and the rumors spread like wildfire. Many of the students liked to take their stress out by bullying other students. They were pathetic and talentless, they hated anyone who had potential unless they provided them anything, like Hayoon.

Smoking was illegal. But they didn’t care. They found all the corners of the school where the CCTV didn’t see them and studied where the professors usually walked to avoid their path. It wasn’t always perfect and sometimes they were caught but it sure helped them and the bullies.

One day, I was dragged by my hair behind the basketball court and after getting pushed to the ground, the girls started slapping, laughing, and kicking me. The smoke from their cigarettes and the kicks to my belly and back took the air out of me. I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die. They were experienced—they noticed my lack of breath, gave me breaks to catch it, and started kicking me again.

They were caught by a teacher who forgot his bag. They claimed they were only giving me “birthday punches” and didn’t admit anything, nor apologized. They weren’t stupid either. The girls had a very good reputation and a good student persona, essentially they didn’t have any criminal records.

When I was asked what happened, I was ready to tell them all the atrocities that took place in school. But then, I remembered the girls’ eyes. I looked at the professor and I knew, right there and then, that he didn’t believe me, even before I said anything. They wouldn’t have done anything but the word would have been out, that I snitched on the bullies and then I wouldn’t have survived.

So I stayed silent.

The girls only got punished for smoking after they explained they only wanted to try and continued to do it anyway.

Between the end of middle school and the start of high school, the bullies got more creative. They tied me up and broke my legs with a crowbar. The older the girls got, the more of them wanted to be idols, and the first thing they had to do was to get rid of the competition. They succeeded as I stopped dancing altogether since that day.

I continued singing but nobody wants to see an idol in a wheelchair, right?

After I couldn’t walk normally anymore, they started treating me like a rag. They used me to clean the bathroom, by pushing me around on the floor, putting my face against the toilet, and mopping me with dirty water. I was like a toy to them and their friends joined the fun.

Part 2

It was no wonder that many bullied students leave the school. Sometimes, they leave on their own, because they can’t stand the torture anymore, other times, the school removes them. The bullies only bully others because they can and they know they can get away with it: they have influential parents or come from wealthy families, so the school can only quietly get rid of the problem and those are the victims that can’t stay quiet.

The class in my department didn’t have many students but it was enough: 20 students. During the year, 5 students left, and at the end of the year, 2 others were sent to another school in the province. The remaining 13 weren’t enough to be left alone in the classroom so they joined us with a class from another department that also lost many students. In total, we were 31, which was a big number but they didn’t have any other choice.

You were one of those students. I only noticed you after a week because I got used to keeping my eyes low not to anger any of my classmates. You sat beside me. People usually tend to avoid me since they could also become victims of the bullies but you knew it and it was your decision.

“Is this seat taken?” you asked me. When I heard your voice, I had a moment of hesitation. I kept staring at the wooden desk but then I thought that you might have accused me of being rude for ignoring you and that would have been a good enough reason to pick on me, so I raised my eyes.

“No, it isn’t,” I replied. Your eyes were cold. I genuinely thought you were a bully too.

“Then, can I seat here?”

“You can if you want…” I told you, unsure. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What? You fart a lot?”

I was taken aback. “No! I don’t.”

“I suppose it’s fine then,” you said and took the chair out to take your desk. You started getting ready for the lesson and didn’t seem to have any intention of doing anything to me. Every time someone spoke to me, it was to make a comment, make a joke, or give me an order. Still, I was suspicious of you.

The lesson proceeded as usual. You took your notes very diligently, writing almost everything the teacher said, making graphs and small summaries to keep your memory fresh. If you were to tell me you were the top student in your class, I would have believed it and later I’d find out you really were.

Your behavior wasn’t the one of a bully. And it wasn’t the behavior of a bullied either.

At the end of the last lesson before the lunch break, the teacher gave us surveys for our future career choices. I stared at the paper with a pen in my hand. What should I write? My future, my future was stolen from me. My dream was as meaningful as an ant’s life. After everything they did and said to me, a miserable life of insignificance and sadness sounded perfectly fit for me. I kept wondering and pondering until you turned to me.

“What do you want to do when you grow up, Chaewon?” you asked me while you were lazily spinning your pen between your fingers.

“I- I don’t know, what about you?” I stuttered. I couldn’t bring myself up to pronounce those words. I felt as if I had been banished from even muttering them and thinking about it only brought me horrible memories.

“Web security,” you said. “I go around and check companies’ safety in their servers and sites. I’ve already started an internship so I’m sure it’s what I’m going to do.”

“An internship? This early?”

“Yeah, I figured the more experience I get, the better. I got nothing better to do anyways.”

“Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you hang out with your… friends?”

“I don’t have that many friends, to be honest,” you replied nonchalantly. “I mean, I do go out like once every three months so it isn’t a lot but I still have friends I can talk to. I’ve never been good with people, I guess.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“I was always better on my own. I tried a lot of stuff and I liked web stuff better,” then you turned to me for a second time, looking at me more intensely than before, “but you didn’t answer my question yet. What do you wanna do?”

Being put on the spot like that, I wasn’t sure about what I was allowed to say. More than that, I didn’t know what I really wanted, if the dust of my once desire was still in me if my heart wasn’t dead cold. However, after all these years, a subtle string of fate kept me going and it was still something that I liked doing.

I looked at your eyes. They didn’t scare me.

“I want to be… an idol,” I said in a single breath. After I finished the sentence, a heavy feeling of guilt dawned on me. I felt as if I just committed a crime and I was in danger.

But you didn’t judge me.

“An idol, huh?” You laid back on your chair. “That’s pretty cool. I know it’s very hard if you really want to do it, props to you. It takes some guts to train for that stuff. To dance all day, to have everyone look at you, it’s something.”

“Do- do you think I can do it?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. I don’t know how well you dance, or how good you sing, or even what you tested for.”

“But is it a possible dream?”

“You can watch idols too, right? They had the same dream as you did. They did it. I think it’s possible, yeah. And I think you can do it, Chaewon.”

When you said that, I felt so relieved. It was comforting. Finally, I found someone that didn’t hate me, that didn’t shame and believed in me.

Just as you stopped talking, the bell rang. It was the time.

“Oh, look at her, ms. Idol,” said Yejun and pushed my head away for fun. He started laughing.

“Hands off, Yejun. And go away before I sock you in the face,” you said.

“I’m so scared, oh my god,” he laughed. “What do you think you’ll do huh? Do you want to protect this filthy rag? How generous,” he said and then slapped me.

“That’s enough, fuckface,” you got up and stared into his eyes. “That’s the last warning. Leave before I do something I might regret.”

He scoffed. “Really, you talk a lot. Don’t forget that you work for my father.”

“I don’t think you get it, Yejun. I don’t just work for your father. He depends on me. One click and his whole 20 servers will blow up. Do you really think that incompetent fool of your father fixed all the problems? He doesn’t know shit about his stuff, he only knows how to count money and scam his workers. There are so many weaknesses I could just hack the whole thing and change your company to my name.”

“You aren’t funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. Now, that I’ve seen who this rag of yours is, tell your friends to keep their hands off her. I don’t want to see your father come back and beg at me and he’ll know it was all your fault. Everyone listens to you apparently, so spread the word. I won’t hesitate.”

Yejun stormed out of the class in anger.

I felt like I was reborn, that I finally found my savior. You were the angel I needed and you came to save me from this hell.

“I don’t like this place, let’s get out of here,” you said and I followed you.

We went to grab lunch but right behind the vending machines you got attacked. He called you a nerd, whatever he did, but I couldn’t stand it. I felt a force in me and I grabbed his neck, I squeezed until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for you trying to get me off, I would have killed him.

Just as that guy run off, you freaked out. I didn’t blame you. Still, you took my arm and pulled me to somewhere more covered to talk to me, scared that someone else might have seen it. I could see the surprise in your eyes, but you didn’t look terrified, you were concerned if anything.

Your hand was still bleeding, the red liquid dripped to the floor. I stared at the droplets, slowly coloring the grey concrete, as if it was the ticking of a clock. At each tick, I was getting more impatient, there was something inside me that wanted to jump out, run after who hurt you, and make him pay for it. But I had to calm down, you were in front of me.

“Chaewon, what the hell!” you whisper-shouted while repeatedly glancing behind your back and into the hallway. “Where did that come from?”

“I-I don’t know what happened,” I stuttered. I was saying the truth—at the time, I truly didn’t know why I reacted in the way I did. I never raised my hands, I never talked back, I never reacted.

“Shit, I’m bleeding a lot,” you cursed. You gritted your teeth and started walking towards the school clinic. I followed you.

You talked to me as we were walking. “You don’t just choke people randomly, you know?”

“I- I really swear! I pro-promise… I have no idea what happened!”

“Listen, Chaewon, I saw you pinning his neck against the wall. You raised a senior with one hand.”

When we were in front of the nurse's office, you pinched your nose and waved your hand to stop me from talking. The cuff of your white shirt was stained with red, it already spread so much in just a short time. You must have been in pain. My blood was boiling.

“You can explain yourself later,” you said and opened the door. “I have to close this wound first.”

I followed you into the room. For some reason, the room was empty, there was no trace of the nurse and it looked like she hasn’t been there for a long time as everything was very tidy and the coat hanger was empty. Often, when people can avoid work, they’ll do it. The nurse must have seen that there was no one needing her in the morning and decided to leave for some coffee.

You sat on one of the beds, keeping your arm stretched out so the blood wouldn’t stain the sheets and with another hand, you searched into the cabinet for something you could help yourself with. You took out bandaids, alcohol, gauze and cotton buds. You really made a mess, trying to pour the alcohol on your arm and spilling half of the content on the floor.

After sloppily cleaning yourself with cotton, you got the bandaids.

“Do you really think bandaids will do?” I asked you. “It’s way too deep.”

“Is there any other way?”

“Yeah, we have to put stitches on you.” I took the chairs from the desk and sat in front of you. In the cabinet beside the bed, there were also needles and thread for that procedure. Luckily there was an anesthetic as well.

I put on gloves. I cleaned your wound again, better than you did before, and applied the anesthetic gel. It took about two minutes to take effect, in the meanwhile I prepared the rest of the equipment I needed: forceps, curved needle, and new thread.

When I was sure you didn’t feel anything, I started stitching your wound.

“How did you learn this?” you asked me so curiously.

“I… I got used to taking care of myself,” I said softly. It was embarrassing. You nodded. I could feel your eyes scan me, looking at all my bruises, the bandaids on my face, and many more wounds underneath my shirt.

You sighed. “I’m sorry. I hope they won’t attack you anymore. Always stay with me, they are scared of people who have a known name.”

“Thank you, but I don’t think it will do anything.”

“Just do as I say,” you repeated. I could see how sure you were from your face. You definitely didn’t see, as my face was facing the floor, but I smiled for the first time after you said that. Your desire of protecting me was honest. I was really happy that you cared for me.

When I came home, I had the time to think through what happened that day. As I was drinking a cup of water, I looked at myself in the reflection of the window, my fingers tracing my wounds and bruises, itching the dried blood on my nails. Where did that strength come from? I could have sworn they had taken every ounce of energy from me, I knew I had no will, no ambition, no desire to even talk back until today. And yet, I hurt him.

I felt good. It didn’t feel good to hurt him per se but to know I defended you. As to him, I should have killed him. But you stopped me. You shouldn’t have done that. He hurt you. That shabby gross fool tried to hurt you, how could he?!

I was so lucky to have caught you before it was late. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened to you if he succeeded—the bruises on your face, the blood on your face—you would have looked just like me. No, I couldn’t stand that. You didn’t deserve to go through the pain that I did, not after you defended me. Oh, if only I could lay my hand on those sinners, the pain I could inflict them, all the experiences that I felt inside my skin, into my very flesh.

I want to hear them scream. To beg for forgiveness. To regret their very existence. I want them to apologize to you, to offer their life…

Crack

I looked down at my hands. What a mess. I completely shattered the cup I was holding—bits of sharp glass everywhere, even some into my skin. The veins of my hand were bulging, I could feel the blood in my body flowing so fast and forcefully. The adrenaline was high in my brain.

I didn’t realize what I did until I heard the sudden noise.

It was true, just as you said. It wasn’t me. But why? This must have happened because I was thinking of you getting hurt… yes, it was your thought, just you. It was because of you. I didn’t want to see you hurt, you were my only hope in this world, just the thought sent a shock through my spine and into my head, and I would go crazy.

You made me like this.

Completely insane.

“Chaewon! What happened?” I heard Yujin calling me and I turned around to see her rushing out the hallway. Yujin was my roommate, we shared the rent because it was cheaper that way. She wasn’t a bad person, not at all. But she couldn’t understand my life, she lived between rich girls and handsome guys.

To be kind, you need to know what misery is. She was just nice.

“Oh, Kirin-chan,” I said.

“How did you break your glass?” she asked worryingly, grabbing a towel to clean my bloody hand of the bits of glass.

“My bad, I was standing up and it just slipped out of my hand.”

“Then how did it get all over your palm?”

“I slipped and fell right onto it, you know how clumsy I am.”

“Yeah,” she commented without much belief, “just like all the time you come home with bruises on your face.”

“It isn’t my fault if they don’t put warnings after cleaning the stairs.”

“It isn’t your fault,” she repeated. “Anyways, don’t forget to clean it up, I’ll go back to studying,” she ended, turning around and leaving the lounge to return to her prettier room.

I continued to stare at my hand.

I couldn’t help but think about you again… my head got foggy… my thoughts haunting…

What if they scarred you?

What if they bullied you?

What if girls broke your heart?

What if you were friends with the wrong people?

I knew I was crossing a line when those questions took form but it was too late and I didn’t even care anymore. It was a promise I made myself, to protect who I loved, and I swore I wouldn’t fail again. I would protect you forever, no matter what.

I feared that you’d run away from me but instead, we got way closer than before. When I walked into school the day after the incident, I was genuinely scared I wouldn’t have seen you—that you had stayed at home, that you changed class or even school. What worried me the most was the fact that you could have been scared of me.

I waited for you anxiously. I kept scratching my nails, rubbing my arms, looking around for you. So many times I got up and walked around the paths outside the school where I thought you’d usually walk, even if I didn’t know well what were your habits, and not finding you, I’d sit back at the wall and wait again.

After several minutes, you arrived at school. At the sight of you, my dizziness and worries faded away. I immediately ran at you and hugged you so tight, you had to know how much I missed you.

You were surprised, of course, you were. “Huh? What has gotten into you Chaewon?” you laughed jokingly.

“I just thought you wouldn’t come to school anymore,” I told you.

“Why would I do that? Today is a school day.”

“It’s okay, that’s perfect. I’m just so glad I can see you again.”

Part 3

The door opened to the locker room and I and the other trainees entered sitting down. They changed their clothes from casual streetwear to old clothes and gym wear. I’ve been training for a bit now, I got to know all the trainees well, there were a lot before but now they only remained half. The one that finished first started stretching. "It's one minute and a half. Let's do this," she sighed.

One of them threw to the other a white sheet with a name written on it and did the same with the others. "Here. Your name tags."

"That's it? Just a minute?" the girl chuckled.

"A minute and a half. Everyone does their part and it's a difficult choreography, don't you forget. It will be enough."

"It's for evaluation. Don't forget every detail counts," another girl added.

We went out of the room and made our way toward the practice room, each one with a name tag on it. The corridor leading to it was cold, probably because they just changed from thick to thin clothes, but it got hotter towards the end where the air got denser. One at a time, they entered bowing at the line of men sitting on the right of the mirror in front of the door.

Everyone had papers and a pen and a serious look plastered on their faces. After a couple of stretches, the girls got into position and the music started. They smiled and danced with their full capability and the judges looked sharp. When the music stopped they held their ending pose and went in a line waiting for their words. The air suddenly felt cold.

"There had been improvements on what we said the first time. But we can also fix others," the first said and the men nodded. They wrote on the paper and scribbled.

"You. When the others did their move you were coordinated and that's fine but you did it wrong. You need to raise your hand higher," he said making the move himself and the girl followed.

"Can you do the move a bit before the ending?" another one asked, gesturing his intention. "Yes, that one. Please get into the position and do it."

They did and when it came to the next section he spoke again, "One more time."

"Once more."

"Five...six.. seven... eight... an-"

"Okay," he said and got up walking to the center of the room. He demonstrated the move more and more times. "Don't tense your muscles too much when you do this alright?"

"But," the oldest got up, "you were all a lot better today, good job. Specially Soojin and Gaeul."

"That's it, goodbye," they said.

"Thank you!" the girls answered together.

BLAM. The oldest almost slips as he got out and the others held him up. The girls let out a muffled laugh, their mouths covered with their hands."See girls, don't tense your muscles too much or they won't work properly," the man chuckled. The judges left fast, embarrassed by their eldest and the group laughed in relief.

"Are we really doing this? They are not saying anything anymore."

The youngest looked at them from the ground, laid down breathing hard, and said, "We're close to debuting."

When everyone was done with their stuff and cleaned themselves they left. Almost all of them ran out to catch the last bus of the day or were just in a hurry. I, on the other hand, had to walk home so I did everything slower. When I got out, in the distance, I heard a group of girls around my age shouting and laughing. When they got closer, I realized they were my classmates, there were about four of them and they were drunk.

They noticed me.

"Look at you. It's late, pretty girls like you shouldn't stay out," one of them said and I frowned.

"Don't tell me. You were practicing?" she said laughing. The other three got in a semi-circle in front of me.

"It's a really difficult life isn't it, miss idol? Everybody wants you and you're here dancing until late," she mocked me, with her fingers under her eyes faking tears, and let out a hearty laugh. The choir followed with a carol of joy.

"It's sad really," she continued, "so popular but so tired."

She pushed me down on the ground and the group stepped back making more space for the two. She forcefully pulled my hair, forcing me to get up. The girl got closer and said, "And you're so pretty. It would be a shame if anything happened to this pretty face."

She slapped me. They laughed. They kicked me. I tried to defend myself, curling into a fetus position and protecting my head. They snickered as they continued wasting the effects of the alcohol on me. When they were finally satisfied, they got up and left me there on the side of the road and went away to the opposite way of where they came from.

I remained on the ground with tears on her face and sobbed trying not to make any noise, I wanted silence. However I heard their voices again, from the distance, and they were screaming.

"What do you think you're doing?!" the same girl as before squealed."We're girls, you think you can-." The group gasped.

"You're five and I'm one and you just beat that girl up. You think I care?" It was a male voice.

The girls ran away but the guy didn't try to chase them and walked to me.

"There's a convenience store nearby, we can get something cold for your face," he said with a soft tone. I recognized the voice and looked at him, I recognized his face too. It was you. My legs trembled a little as I held myself upon your shoulder for support. "It's fine, take your time," you said dusting my back.

At the shop, you bought a bag of frozen peas so I could put it on my face where it still hurts. "I ate those for dinner, they're great. I can use them for everything, look, you're using them too now," you said and I laughed. I calmed down a little and your face got more serious and worried.

"I told you. Starting from tomorrow I'll bring you home," you said.

"But it was only this time," I said.

"And the other four before."

"Kind of."

"Being there by 11:30 should be good."

"But you should sleep."

"I would just be studying, and either way, it's way better to have your company," you insisted, leaning down on the chair. A small smile formed on my face. Ever since that day, the two always walked home late at night even when it was freezing or when it was raining. We got way closer.

You grew up so well. Unfortunately, many girls seemed to notice you and fall for you. I don’t blame them, you were very charming, so attractive for such a young student but I couldn’t let them near you. They were fools, too stupid to realize they were nowhere close to your level, you were levels above and they were just insects. I had to make sure no one bothered you, to avoid you crying because some worthless bitch broke your heart.

I was surprised when you told me you got asked out. But then I felt my chest burn.

There’s only one thing that I can’t stand in this world and that’s people who think they can take what’s mine. I don’t care about gossip, jealousy or envy, I don’t have anyone to compete with, I just want what’s mine. And you are mine.

It was so easy to scare them away. All it took was a quick talk behind the school, a very convincing speech, a cutter to their throats…

They were scared of me. Good. You didn’t suspect anything—they’d still smile at me as if nothing happened, I made sure to tell them. I couldn’t let you know, to worry more than you already were.

The bullying had completely stopped towards me because you were always by my side defending me and eventually they all got the message. If you were just a crush before, now I love you. If I loved you, now I worship you. You’re my religion, my god, my purpose. I’ll kill for you, live for you, and I’ll love you forever. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. Whether that’s heaven, hell, or any other world. My very existence is embroidered into your name, I can’t exist without you.

Things were going great, so great. You only had eyes for me. Those two beautiful pupils could only look at me, at my face, at my body, only at me. I loved when you stared at me, I was yours after all, you could watch how much you wanted.

That was until those two eyes became one. You got a big bruise on your left eye, it was swollen, black, and horrible.

You were waiting for me near the big tree behind the school like you always did, and you talked to me like you always did, without worry or pain. “Hey, Chaewon,” you greeted me.

“What happened?!”

“Nothing, I just hurt myself,” you lied. How naive you were, you were too kind, too nice. I didn’t believe you one single bit. I wonder why you did that? Why did you lie to me? Was it to protect whoever did that to you? To protect who hurt you?

“Tell me. Tell me, who hurt you?” I asked you calmly.

“It’s really nothing Chae… I’m serious, I only hurt myself—”

“TELL ME WHO THE HELL HURT YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” I asked again, the sudden increase in volume startled you and you backed away into the tree. I didn’t know at the time, and you’d tell me later, but my eyes were empty. You got scared, I apologize, I just couldn’t help it.

“Ch-Chaewon?” you stuttered.

When I realized you were terrified, I calmed down. “Huh? Oh, my bad, sorry… I was just really worried, but now, please tell me.” I shook my head and took a couple of steps back.

“Okay, I will tell you… it was Seojun,” you finally confessed. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink on his uniform. I apologized, but since I was alone and his ‘friends’ were with him, they thought they could get their revenge on me.”

“I see… let’s get you some ice for that eye for now,” I told you and we started to walk into the infirmary for the second time. I hated walking into that place, especially with you. I tried my best to hold it inside me, not to scare you again, but I was going to snap anytime soon.

“Chae, are you alright?” you asked me.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear… and it will okay from now on. You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.”

You know, people say that the first time is special, you never forget it. The first time I bathed my hands in the warm liquid that is human blood, my body was cold. I felt hesitation at first, but I knew I was doing it for you, and thinking about you, all that fear was gone. And I killed him.

Yes, it was me that killed Seojun. I don’t regret one bit what I’ve done to him. I made sure he suffered as much as he made you suffer. An eye for an eye, as they say.

That day was special, it was like I confessed to you and instead of a ring, I gave you a life. It was only fair you’d give me your life in return.

The murder of Seojun made headlines in the news and when asked about it, the students never said anything nor praised or acted sad at his death. No one missed him. It’s quite sad that life can be so insignificant that not a single person will care about how gruesome your death was and forget you the next day. To be quite honest, he deserved it. We die in the same way we live.

You were a bit suspicious of me at first. You didn’t really doubt me—you were curious. The news of his death was delivered by our professor during the first period with a sigh before continuing the lesson. The reactions were mixed but mostly towards one extreme: relief.

When a bad person dies, two things will happen: if you’re a good person or a victim, you will be happy; if you’re equally bad then you’ll be scared, because you know he already got what he deserved and nothing prevented you from having the same fate as nothing is stronger than luck.

You were both worried and glad. I’ve always noticed how you tend to care about other people, it’s something that I really love about you, you just have to direct toward the people who deserve it. “Hey, Chae, do you know anything about Seojun’s murder?” you asked me during the break. You were hesitant at first but I was sure you’ve thought about it long enough to decide to spill it.

You must have thought about what I said the other day: You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.

“Huh?” I raised my eyebrow at you. “Why would I have anything to do with his death?”

“W-well… you see… you said that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore and the next day… he dies.” Your shoulders were so tight almost as if you were trying to keep the words inside of you. Your gaze flitted around the room, never settling on one person or object for long.

“It must have been a coincidence,” I told you. “And karma.”

“Right,” you muttered. Then you relaxed your shoulders.

“By the way,” I changed the topic, “there is going to be the last test before the debut at Hybe.”

Your eyes changed completely, they brightened. Every time I talked about my dream, you always seemed too excited for me. You fully believed in my ambition and constantly encouraged me to keep trying. Whenever I practiced, I always thought of you.

I always think of you.

“That’s awesome, Chae. It’s your opportunity, you wanted to become an idol all this time.”

“I will start practicing right away then,” I said. “I want to be with you that day. Can you come with me?”

“What day will it be?”

“Next Saturday, 4:00 pm.”

“Next Saturday… 4:00 pm,” you repeated. “I’ll make sure to be there—I will be there, I will.”

“Thank you,” I smiled and hugged you. You were still a bit against the idea of hugging but slowly you were getting used to it. I trusted that you’ll eventually come to love it.

I had prepared about four songs for the test: two for my singing and two for my dancing, one of them was good for both. I decided to be very broad with my songs because if they asked for more, I’d be prepared. You never know. I didn’t want to go there and have them ask for a random song and fail horribly.

You were waiting for me in front of the building with a little bag of snacks. I mentioned all of them before to you and you remembered. Some of them were for when I’d finish the whole thing and some as a snack to calm my nerves.

Honestly, I felt like you were my boyfriend already. If anyone saw us together, they’d say the same thing. Every little thing you did was so full of attention, I knew you cared for me, and I loved you so much.

Anyways, the time came. I bid you goodbye and entered.

The test went terribly wrong.

You waited two hours for me, only for me to blow it all up. When I came out, I was so embarrassed, I didn’t want you to see me at all.

“So Chae, how was it?” you asked but I didn’t reply. It was hard to come up with any word at all. I couldn’t even look at you in the eyes.

“Chae?”

“Chaewon?”

You finally got enough at the third time and you grabbed my shoulder to shake and direct my gaze at you. “Chaewon, answer me please!” you said with an upset tone.

“Do you… do you think I’m a failure?”

“What are you talking about?” you asked back.

“Hey, am I a failure? Tell me. Were the guys right? I am not meant to be an idol after all, should I give up after all? Tell me, please!” I hiccuped and cried. I was truly heartbroken. It was the test per se but the fact that I disappointed you, that I wasted all your determination and belief you had in me.

“Chaewon, no…” you whispered and went for a hug. It was awkward, you didn’t know how to hug. You tried to put a hand on my shoulder and one on my hip, but it didn’t work. Then you tried to put both of them on my shoulder but you looked like you wanted to headbut me. On the third try, you succeeded and properly hugged me very tightly.

I buried my head into your chest, it was where I could really feel safe.

“Chaewon, what happened in there? How did it go?”

“I FAILED! I BLEW IT ALL UP! IT’S ALL GONE!” I yelled and gripped you harder.

“How is that possible? You’re perfect, I mean, you sing so beautifully and you’re beautiful,” you said. “You’ve been practicing… why? How?”

“I’m sorry it’s that I was so worried. I got distracted. I continued to ask myself if I’d fail and so on… I knew the lyrics but I got jittery and…”

“No, Chaewon! I told you to believe in yourself. You can do it. You can do it.”

“But—”

“You have talent, Chae,” you repeated, “and I’ve seen it since day one. You will not fail. You just have to try again.”

I was embarrassed to see if I could try again but you weren’t and you stormed inside the building, dragging me by arm to ask the staff if I could try again. You explained everything and even pleaded with them until they gave in.

This time, you were waiting for me outside the door. I knew I wouldn’t fail again.

Don’t think about anything else. Focus.

I sang the first song. Just like I practiced. Then I danced. It was perfect.

I passed. I was so happy and I just had to tell you. I ran outside but you weren’t there.

I searched everywhere until I understood you weren’t in the building and had to search for you outside. I found you in an alley, bloody and bruised.

I immediately called the ambulance and they rushed you to the hospital. Your condition was so bad they had to x-ray your whole body and do a small surgery.

When I found you, you could barely talk or even breathe. You were laying in a pool of blood, that came from the numerous cuts all over your body—they weren’t clean but all rough and jacked, meaning they came from brute force and not blades. Your clothes were also messed up and ripped. Together, I could count on 19 injuries at least. I couldn’t understand at all. Why would someone do that to you? And how did it happen?

Together with you was a bag with two drinks and a couple of sandwiches. I suppose you went outside to a convenience store to buy something, maybe for me, and then… you were attacked. This may have been premeditated, it’s impossible a group of people randomly hurt you that bad.

I couldn’t stop crying, you know?

To see you in those conditions, I could only think of the worse.

What if you’d never wake up again?

What if you’d be miserable for the rest of your life?

What if you died?

It was my fault. I’m sorry, it was totally my fault. It was because I took way too long in the test, chatting with the staff, seeing the other girls so happily, while you were being jumped… I could have protected you, we could have gone home together and this would have never happened.

The doctor called me. “Kim Chaewon?”

“Yes?” I raised my eyes. I saw him and wiped my tears before standing up and walking to him.

“Is he okay…?” I asked.

“He’s not in danger is what I can tell you. Some of his bones are broken and he has received a concussion, he may be asleep for a while, you see,” he said.

“Can I see him?”

“Yes, you can,” the doctor agreed, “this way…”

He guided me toward another floor of the hospital. You have been transferred from the emergency room to the patient’s rooms. You were in the section where more care was needed—the hallway was quieter, everyone walked slower, and everything was more gentle.

I entered your room slowly, holding myself up with a hand on the door frame and then I saw you. Your eyes were closed. Your whole body was covered in bandages and you were hooked to all sorts of machines with cables and cords everywhere. It was almost like seeing a puppet tied up in strings and they were keeping you alive.

I was scared to come close to you. I feared that any of my movements could have damaged you even more. You were so fragile at that moment.

I gently lowered myself to the chair next to your bed and held your hand. I cried. I cried again, so much. I couldn’t help but keep thinking it was my fault. If only I was quicker…

Some of your items were put in the drawer. I noticed your phone together with your wallet and backpack. The screen was cracked and some of the blood crusted into the cracks. I don’t know why I felt curious but I unlocked the screen—you trusted me enough to let me know your password months ago to check some messages while you were busy cooking—and it opened KakaoTalk. You were texting me and the phone memorized it.

Chae be careful the bullies might be after you

Don’t go in the shortcut at the

Oh, dear. You were on the brink of death and all you could think was to warn me, to protect me. You didn’t even think of calling for help. I understood everything. It was those bullies again… they didn’t forget, did they? It’s because their life turned to hell after they didn’t have anyone to bully anymore and they got revenge but attacking you.

I was angry. I was furious. I was so pissed that I unconsciously cracked your phone even more. It was that feeling again, all over—the fire in my chest.

I will kill them. Each one of the. I will make them suffer. I will tear them to shreds. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them.

I will make them pay for everything they have done for you.

They were so stupid. It was so easy to trick them: I attacked their leader when he was coming home late and forced him to send a message to everyone who was involved in your attack—he confessed right away when I showed him my knife.

The guys came on point the next day. It was all so easy. They always hung out at the abandoned warehouse where they could make all the mess they wanted and dragged their victims to torture them properly and in private. Now they were dragging themselves to their death.

I dressed in black that day. You never liked seeing me in black. People used to tell me I tried to stand out too much so they forced me to use torn, old, ugly clothes, but when they stopped tormenting me, you brought me to buy more clothes for me.

But that day I wasn’t dressing as the victim. I was in the guise of the Grim Reaper.

I prepared my knives, axes, clamps, nails, and staplers and waited for them in the building.

Humans are so easy to kill. They are so frail and mortal—I had to be extremely careful not to let them die immediately to cause them all the pain they deserved. I’ll spare you the details. You don’t have to know of the gruesome parts of their murder. I’ll just tell you everything they did to you and in their years of bullying, I did to them. From crowbars to knives, to fire and stabbing.

When the last one stopped screaming, I felt at peace. The silence was absolute. I couldn’t even hear the wind, the cars, or the noises of the city. It was completely quiet.

I finally avenged you.

Part 4

Disposing of the bodies was quite simple but extremely tiring. I had to chop their bodies to bits, bury them and hide all the evidence. I cleaned with bleach all my weapons, the floor, and the walls of the warehouse. I had to soil the floor since it was dirty before and I couldn’t leave a clean patch in there, it would have been a dead giveaway.

Of course, I had to get rid of all their phones. I broke them into little pieces before grinding them up to a bag of dust and flushing them down the toilet.

I got most of my weapons from around the city. I stole the knives from the school kitchen and returned them to them. I did the crime on a Friday night and finished in the evening of Saturday so they wouldn’t have noticed the disappearance of their tools. I bought the rest of the tools from a hardware store so I could have just put it in someone else’s garage.

I couldn’t burn my clothes or rags because that would have caught the attention of my neighbors or anyone nearby so I colored it with all sorts of paints so the blood would have been unrecognizable. If anyone analyzed them, it would look like they were of an artist. And then I disposed of them.

Burying the bodies was the most laborious part and I could only do it during the night. It took me both Saturday and sunday to get rid of all the evidence.

The next days were all marked by nightmares. I didn’t dream of what I did. What haunted me was you leaving me. I was afraid that my crime could have separated us.

Chaewon, you’re a monster.

I can’t be friends with a murderer.

I can’t love a killer.

I hate you.

I wish you died.

I was distressed and jittery during the day and couldn’t sleep at night. Many times I would get distracted in those thoughts, imagining all the things you could say to me, and not realize people calling me. I would often zone out and not hear anything else.

“Chaewon? Are you okay?” my classmates would tell me. I would snap out of my daze and realize most of them were looking at me then I’d realize I actually chipped a corner of the table off with my grip.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” I could only say. They would continue with the day forgetting about it or just tell their friends excitedly about a classmate with a freakish strength.

It was especially hard when I was training with the other trainees but I told myself you wouldn’t be proud of me if I wasn’t doing my best and forced myself to dance.

On Monday, their disappearance was announced but nobody could find anything. Not a single trace. The secret was safe with me.

They also announced your attack but they didn’t connect the two events together, assuming you were also a victim. The attacks in this Korea were common anyways. Bullying was so widespread you could say it was part of our culture.

After a week. you were still asleep. The doctor concluded that they must have stomped your head too for you to be concussed that badly. They damaged the nerves.

Unfortunately, I knew only after I killed them. If I knew I would have done the same to them so they could feel the pain you felt but I guess cutting their limbs counts as nerve damage as well.

I was getting extremely impatient waiting for your awakening. The doctor couldn’t help me but it wasn’t their fault. I’ve only realized now how much I relied on you and those days without you were as sad as Halloween without candies.

When I woke up, I couldn’t tell if the Sun rose already or if it was still sunrise, it was timid, and the light cast a somber hue in the room. It was gray and pale. The soundscape was eerily quiet, the usual chirping birds seemed to have disappeared, as if even nature was mourning alongside me.

Walking through the corridors of the school, I felt like a solitary figure amidst a sea of faces. Conversations echoed around me, yet they seemed distant. The classrooms, usually alive with energy, felt suffocatingly silent.

I couldn’t help but notice how happy the other students went on with their days, completely ignoring what happened to you. Worst of all, some students even mocked you, saying you were a loser and you deserved it. My bloodthirst was beyond the roof. I had to hold myself back a lot not to commit other killings, reminding myself that I could have raised a case of a serial killer if I wasn’t careful enough.

I thought I had been sneaky enough not to raise any suspicion but I didn’t know the only person to find out would have been you.

I was in an alley near the hospital when I met one of those mean girls. They were badmouthing you and I had to make sure they wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t kill them, you don’t have to worry about that. I merely sent a message, a little punishment. I got one nail for each insult they said toward you. Poor them, they won’t have nails for months—I hope it hurts.

They ran away but when I turned around, I saw you. You were looking at me so horrified and disgusted.

“I had my suspicions, Chae…” you said. “The coincidence was too perfect. I woke up and saw the news, I knew it was you. And now, I’m sure.”

“You’re mistaken, dear,” I tried to say foolishly.

“Chae, I saw everything.” Your face morphed into an extreme melancholy, of disappointment and sadness. My face instead contorted into a horrified frown. You… my best and only friend, my love. You discovered my worse secret—I knew what the consequences were and I knew what the risks were.

“I mean, what are you even doing here? Weren’t you still sleeping?”

“I woke up this morning—I got discharged—and the doctor let me take a walk… and then I saw you.”

“Do you know what I did all of this, darling?” I asked, my nerves were so tense and my blood was pumping like crazy. I was getting more and more scared. There was a thread inside me that was being pulled and pulled…

“W-what is it?” you asked with hesitation.

“It’s because… I… I love you.”

I saw the shock on your face but I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I did it. I snapped. You found out and there was no turning back. You didn’t have a choice either.

“W-what? What are you saying?”

“Darling, don’t you get it? I love you so so so so so much. I love you so much—to the point I killed for you. Yes, I did kill them. I murdered them. I slaughtered them. I made them suffer, love, the way they made you suffer… Please! Please understand—I’m doing this because I love you.”

“Chae, you’re scaring me. Stop…”

“Oh, don’t be scared, my love. I would never harm you or kill you… I would only cherish you—in fact, I did all of this to protect you from those bastards! I love you with all of my heart.”

That fire inside of me took over again and this time I was already glued to you, my knee under your thigh, pinning you to the wall, a hand on your cheek and one near your waist. You couldn’t move at all, I wouldn’t let you. I was finally this close to you… your skin was so smooth and soft—just like you, my precious baby.

Maybe I was smiling a bit too much. You’d describe to me later that I looked psychotic, yes, I was crazy.

You didn’t know how to react. I admit, you were so cute—so vulnerable and fragile, just at my mercy. Yet, you dared to take and push my hand away from your face.

“Chae, I’m sorry,” you said and it almost broke my heart, “but I just… I-I- I don’t know…” you said.

“What aren’t you sure about? Is it my love? Is it not clear enough?” I asked. “I’ll do anything for you, just ask me.”

“Please stay away from me,” you replied, “for a while.”

“What are you saying, darling?”

“Chae… you’re my best friend and I understand why you did all of that. I do. But I need to think about it. Don’t worry, I won’t say this to anyone, no one at all, but I need to stay alone for a bit,” you pleaded, “I just recovered too.”

“Okay, fine,” I agreed. You were right. It was a bit too much for you, especially after you just woke up from that concrete hospital bed. Also, I knew I could trust you. You never betrayed me so that did not scare me.

You slowly backed away and left me, alone in the alley.

I don’t know why but I started laughing hysterically.

I thought I messed up a lot. That isn’t the way your lover should look at you, right? Terrified and pleading on the verge of tears. You should have looked at me lovingly. I was so scared you’d leave me and I couldn’t let you do that. I needed you too much.

But then you left me waiting for almost a month. I respected your choice and didn’t contact you at all but it’s been too long. I figured that knowing I killed tormented you so I didn’t touch anyone else but rather I kept it to simply threatening them verbally and that seemed to work.

You have to understand I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at your pictures every night wasn’t enough. Listening to your voice from the vocal messages wasn’t enough. Smelling the shirts I stole from you wasn’t enough, and the smell was fading away. My imagination wasn’t enough, especially when I knew I could have you and I was just waiting for the right moment.

Then the right moment came. I sent you a message just to let you know, you couldn’t say no. I went right to your house, which I came over to many times already, and even your mother knew me. She let me inside with a smile, she was so kind. I knew where you got that virtue from.

I heard you running frantically around your room. You must have been dressing up, so I waited until you were done, knocked, and opened the door. Your room smelled just like I remembered it, it was so good, it was just you.

“It’s been a while, Chae,” you said, clearly nervous. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing terrible, honey,” I answered honestly and you gulped. “You know, I’ve been good to you. I waited and did nothing else. I did not kill or hurt anyone. I let you have your space, then why did you disappear for an entire month?”

“I kept thinking and reflecting on what happened…”

“For a month?” I was furious. “Did you try to make me forget you? Did you try to forget me?”

“It’s that… It has been a tough month,” you said. “My best friend murdered 6 people, or more… How could I go back to what we were before? You killed… humans.”

“So? They didn’t deserve to live anyways. I did it for you.”

“No, Chae—”

“They beat you up so badly you couldn’t even walk!” I snapped. “They badmouthed you, they laughed at you and… why are you defending them?!”

“Yes, but you took their lives.”

“They were going to take your life too! Don’t you get it?”

“Chae, please—”

“No! Shut up! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t forgive them. They’re always making fun of you, beating you up, torturing you—just because you’re my friend! But you keep shoving it away and get hurt for me… I- I…”

I hugged you. I had to hold onto something and you were the only one that could have helped me stand up. All those years… I was so pent up, I was so tired of it. I know you told me many times to let it be but I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t help it. I can’t let anyone walk away after they hurt you, even if it’s something as little as pinching you, because you mean too much to me.

“Darling, I love you!” I sobbed and pleaded onto your chest, bathed by my tears, “I missed you so much. If I don’t see you even for a day, it starts to hurt, you know? I’ll do anything to stay with you, anything! Just tell me! I want to see you every day, I can’t let you leave like this…”

“If it’s like this,” you started, “we can make a deal.”

“A-a deal? Really?”

“Yes, a deal. You can see me how much you want but absolutely no killing. No physical assault and no insults to anyone.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes, you just have to restrain yourself.”

“Very well. Then, I promise, I will never kill again, I swear. Does that mean I can see you every day?” I asked. My tears finally stopped pouring out, the hiccup was still there, but I could focus and talk to you properly now. I took a deep breath and spoke, “Then you have to be my boyfriend from now on.”

“What did you just say?” you asked with confusion.

“You can’t say no. You are my boyfriend now. You know already, I told you so many times. I love you with all of myself.”

I knew you liked me a little already. I wasn’t sure if it was as strong as my love for you was, although I doubt it can, I knew you were interested in me. No one would stick with me for that long and no one would defend me from all those bullies. I knew you loved me, of course you did, you always took care of me since our first day and I couldn’t help but fall for you too.

I tried my best to change my appearance to suit your ideal type more. I dressed better, I dieted, I worked out, and I practiced so much that I wouldn’t disappoint you.

“Chae, are you sure? I’m just a regular guy and you’re an idol…”

“Don’t lie to yourself, honey. I wouldn’t give myself to just anyone. You never laughed about me, you believed in me when nobody else did, and you infected me with your kindness and humanity. You’re the best man I can ask for.”

“Thank you…”

“You’ll be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend, okay? Do you accept?”

“Uhm…”

“Do you accept?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Ma’am?” I laughed. “Don’t tell me you have some weird fetish going on… It’s okay. Just tell me, I won’t mind, hehe.”

Part 5

You have been very strict with me. The first thing you did was to establish a set of rules and all the punishment that would have resulted in breaking them. You’ve been very clear in defining them and made sure I understood you were very serious about it and would absolutely punish me if I dared to not respect them. They were something along the line of:

NO KILLING. The punishment is an instant break-up.

NO BODY HARM to anyone. The punishment is no contact for two weeks.

NO KIDNAPPING/STALKING/THREATENING other people. The punishment is no skin touching for a week.

RESPECT YOU. We’re together in this relationship and I have to listen to you.

TRUST YOU. You'll leave me if I don’t trust you when you tell me you aren’t cheating.

I accepted them and we started dating. Our relationship was as good as it was before but this time I got to be as clingy as I wanted, hugging you as much as I wanted, holding your hand wherever we went, and most of all you gave me a lot of head pats. You always gave me head pats to congratulate me when I did well in school or had a good performance.

It was difficult to respect those rules and you showed me how convinced you were of them when I broke the hand of a guy who shoved you against the lockers. You really ghosted me for two weeks without saying anything. When they ended I couldn’t help but jump on you and I promised to be more careful. Since then, I didn’t break any other rules and you showed me your love in so many ways, I lost count of them.

We learned a lot about each other and helped each other all the time. You helped me be more confident with my skills and get angry (but you told me I was cute when I got mad). You were always a bit discouraged with your work, giving up easily, and I made sure you knew how great you were. Just like me, school has really made you more insecure about yourself, but when we were together, we achieved a lot more.

Recently I discovered a hidden diary you used to keep under your bed, between the mattress and the frame. The last thing you wrote was months ago, way before the incident, and it was you rambling about me. ABOUT ME! And it was so adorable. “I have the biggest crush on my friend!” You wrote on the last page.

I stared at the words in a daze, it was like the words were screaming in my face. I was used to only obsessing over you and knowing you were going through the same thing warmed my heart.

You know, I’ve never believed in good endings, but with you, I think I finally found one where we are the protagonists. Our story is not like a fairy tale, it’s far from perfect, I am not a princess, nor could ever be one. However, you made me feel like one and I’m more than sure you’re my prince.

Sorry if I am always so obsessive and so imperfect, I just can’t help it.

THE END

Written, 7 June - 27 June 2023

#yandere #yanderekpop #yanderekpopgg #kpop #lesserafim #chaewon #chaewon yandere #angst

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astrojulia · 1 year ago

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Super Detailed Pick a Pile: Everything about your soulmate

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DISCLAIMER. These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purposes. I tried my best to leave it gender neutral, but one word or another might have escaped (Portuguese is a language where all words have gender). Also, this post is a remake of a old post of mine.

Warnings: +18 content

Hello Siren!

The Soulmate PAC is an old post of mine from another tumblr, so I wanted to remake this. This pick a pile was inspired by my full soulmate reading with you can purchase here as Sirens and Pirates, but this PAC is smaller than a SnP. It is a general reading, so pick what resonates. Each pile was made with a different tarot and was used 66 card per pile.

How to choose a pile

When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise! .

Open the image for better quality!

Pile 1 - So this is Love

To find a compatible partner, one must let go of the past and embrace new opportunities for love. Feeling betrayed and exhausted by past experiences, individuals often retreat into a self-imposed cocoon, avoiding further romantic entanglements. Some even convince themselves that love is not meant for them, focusing on other aspects of their lives. However, deep down, they yearn for a loving partnership and dream of finding a soul mate. It is essential for them to regain faith in love, as that is when it will manifest itself.

This person will possess an exotic allure, standing out in a predominantly white environment if you live in one, or appearing Asian in a predominantly black community, and so on. They will exhibit distinctively masculine features, and if you are attracted to men, they will maintain a well-groomed full beard. Their physique will be muscular, possibly bearing scars from past conflicts. Despite their actual age, their appearance might suggest a weathered and tired countenance. They exude an air of confidence and vibrancy, always seeming to know their direction. Their posture is upright and correct, with a preference for looking straight ahead rather than sideways. When engaging in conversation, they make direct eye contact, conveying the need for face-to-face interaction. Symbolic tattoos, usually discreet in size, may adorn their body—a relic from their youth, which they have come to accept. Their hair color tends to lean towards shades of brown and red.

This person is naturally seductive and charismatic, a born leader who is sociable, diligent, focused, and selfless. They possess intelligence and have nurtured dreams and clear goals since childhood. They likely aspired to a particular profession from an early age, devoting extra time to study during high school to pass entrance exams for their desired schools and colleges. Due to financial constraints within their family, they started working at a young age to fulfill their desires beyond the essentials. Consequently, they appear fatigued at times, but their relentless work ethic remains unwavering. They admire hardworking individuals, especially those who hold them in high regard. Though they have experienced numerous relationships, ranging from serious commitments to fleeting encounters, they currently prefer to avoid emotional involvement, except with the right person.

You may encounter this individual at unexpected moments: perhaps attending the funeral of a distant relative, neighbor, or coworker; during a minor street accident resulting in minor vehicle damage; dropping a beverage from their hand (often on a beach); while visiting a theme park like Disney; at a job promotion celebration; or attending a lecture on physical or mental health.

You will enter into a serious relationship after 8 weeks of getting to know each other, primarily during the spring and summer seasons.

They will treat you as the love of their life, someone who gives their existence purpose. Each day, their love for you will grow, expressed through affectionate words and small gestures. Despite this, you may sense a certain barrier between you, and even with all their declarations of love, you may not feel entirely secure. However, addressing this issue relates to your own self-esteem. Even though they deeply love you, they will still value their own individuality and require personal space. They will involve you in their activities, making choices for dates that cater to your preferences, and they will strive to give you gifts that truly please you. They will enjoy carrying you and playfully tickling you. They will appreciate your body as a masterpiece and, over time, being vulnerable and exposed before you will feel natural, without any shame, as they demonstrate their profound love for you.

What captivates you most about them is their resilience in overcoming numerous challenges without losing their essence, despite the cruelty they may have faced. You will be among the few who understand the reasons behind their chosen path—a path driven by both pain and love. For instance, they may be an oncologist due to the loss of both parents to cancer or a bricklayer due to their past experience with homelessness. They are exceptionally genuine, preferring to confront the truth and accept its consequences rather than resorting to repeated lies. They treat everyone they encounter as equals, greeting all with kindness. They likely possess fluency in three languages. Although they possess great strength, they openly express their emotions, unashamed to shed tears if they identify as a man.

One aspect that may challenge your acceptance is their proclivity for swearing. You may often feel bewildered around them, as they may not take the time to explain things for your comprehension—it is your responsibility to manage your own understanding. When angry, they may speak in another language to avoid upsetting you, as they may scold you during such moments. They prefer communication through written messages, meaning you may never hear their voice if you're physically distant. They may struggle to measure their words, often unintentionally causing you pain. Additionally, they tend to speak rapidly, causing you to feel overwhelmed or lost.

They will teach you to cultivate kindness towards others, to genuinely love people without expecting anything in return. They will show you that you don't have to depend on others to attain your desires, emphasizing your complete independence and worthiness of receiving what you seek. They will inspire an entrepreneurial spirit within you and reinforce the belief that you deserve boundless love.

They enjoy teaching you one of their languages, particularly their native tongue. Couples therapy or visits to a psychologist/therapist are activities they appreciate. They are diligent about reminding you to schedule doctor appointments and even notify you when it's been a year since your last dental check-up. They also take pleasure in watching drama series or engaging in educational content, such as medical or science-related shows.

They admire your ability to rely on intuition when making decisions. Your strong familial bonds resonate with them, and if you have children, they will always express that you are the best parent in the world, crediting you with creating such a wonderful family. They appreciate your idealistic perspective on life, even if it occasionally diverges from realism. They value your commitment to fairness and your desire to contribute to society by helping others as much as possible.

When you're feeling down, they shower you with "silly" messages, including affectionate words, memes, and short funny videos featuring adorable animals. They provide calming medicine or any other assistance you need, respecting your choices and existing medical treatments. They indulge in small gestures like buying candies, chocolates, or trinkets. They also understand the importance of giving you space for introspection and solitude.

They envision a lifelong partnership with you, even until death separates you. They see both of you evolving together and dream of passing away side by side or in close succession, as they cannot fathom a moment of their existence without you. They perceive your relationship as an incredible partnership where mutual support endures in every possible aspect, forever.

They tend to be more dominant, taking pleasure in generating ideas and planning for the future. They enjoy assuming a leadership role and having precise knowledge of long-term plans, often organizing and exerting control in various aspects of their lives.

While they possess a forgiving nature, they have a strong memory and never truly forget the hurtful words or actions directed at them. They strive to avoid crossing dangerous boundaries that may inflict further pain. Similarly, they may feel inclined to comment on past mistakes you've made, but they understand it is not right to do so. They will pretend that nothing happened and that it doesn't bother them, but in reality, it does. When they are angry or when a conflict arises, they prefer to disengage and walk away, avoiding involvement in such confrontations.

They are deeply grateful for all the gestures you do for them, and they show their appreciation through actions rather than words. They consider themselves the luckiest person in the world to have you by their side, and they always strive to reciprocate by going above and beyond. For example, if you make them a coffee, they will prepare dinner for you.

They maintain a high level of honesty with you, sharing the events and experiences that have shaped their life since you met. However, they tend to avoid discussing their past, as they feel more protected by focusing on the present and future. They prioritize sharing relevant information and memories that have left a lasting impact. If you inquire about something that happened at their workplace and they haven't mentioned it, they may simply state that they didn't notice or didn't consider it important to discuss. They only speak about what they deem necessary and tend to avoid indulging in gossip or trivial matters.

While they may adjust certain habits you find displeasing, their core essence remains unchanged. Their life goals and dreams are not influenced by external factors.

They have a possessive streak and can experience jealousy, considering you as theirs. However, they place a great deal of faith in you and firmly believe in your loyalty. They take pride in showcasing you like a trophy and may become uncomfortable when others get too close.

When it comes to kissing, they engage in playful banter and tend to use a lot of tongue. They enjoy sharing laughter during these moments. They appreciate both long, passionate kisses that leave them breathless and the tender stolen kiss of a first encounter. While they possess a good understanding of kissing techniques, it doesn't guarantee that every kiss will be the best of your life, as some moments can be a bit awkward.

To express their affection for you, they often demonstrate it by giving you something you expressed a strong need or desire for. If they are not skilled in a particular craft, they may purchase a valuable item like a perfume you mentioned wanting. However, if their profession allows, such as being a woodworker, they might create a bookcase that you mentioned needing. This is how they initially convey their growing feelings for you.

They express a strong desire to get married, viewing it as a way to solidify the relationship and eliminate any competition. Marriage provides a sense of security for them, ensuring that they don't have to worry about losing you to someone else. They particularly value a civil marriage, as it allows for a name change, and they would be delighted if you choose to adopt their last name. Their proposal will be serious and formal, perhaps even appearing as if something tragic has happened. They also express an inclination towards a religious wedding, especially if they are Catholic. If you agree, the ceremony will take place in a church with a large number of guests.

Here are some nicknames they might affectionately call you: spitfire, princess, queen, sleeper, traitor, apple, star, jack of all trades.

When they start falling in love, they prefer to first discuss the relationship with their family. Until they gain their family's approval, they are hesitant to discuss the relationship with others. Their family's endorsement is crucial for them to move forward, and during this time, only you will be aware of their feelings. Once they have their family's support, they proudly introduce you to everyone. They enjoy picking you up from work or wherever they are, using the opportunity to show that they are with you. When people mention you, they respond with a silly laugh and proudly say, "Yeah, I'm dating them." They express their affection in a loving and respectful manner, not overly clingy but seeking physical contact and affection.

They prefer to engage in small displays of affection in public, such as holding hands and giving light kisses. They do not feel the need to showcase their intimate life, as they consider it a more private matter. However, they find it exciting when you flirt with them in public, building anticipation until you're alone together. They have no qualms about you wearing clothing that highlights your body; they see it as normal and don't feel embarrassed.

They possess culinary skills and are self-sufficient in the kitchen. They also excel at negotiation and can secure discounts when making purchases. They make a point to greet people they encounter and can communicate with individuals you may not be able to due to their proficiency in multiple languages.

They enjoy making love promises, expressing their deep love for you and emphasizing your importance in their life. However, they won't do this excessively, as they are rational and prefer not to repeat themselves. They derive great pleasure from surprises, both big and small. Traveling is one of their greatest passions, and they may express a desire to have a romantic getaway with you in Venice. They are likely to send you frequent short messages expressing their fondness for you, rather than constantly repeating the same declarations of love.

They assist you in making difficult decisions by presenting the pros and cons of each option. Moreover, they actively seek out opportunities for you, stepping in to help if you're unemployed. However, they never do your job for you; instead, they offer support and assistance when needed, such as helping you with a project or task.

Participating in social events, parties, and gatherings is important to them, and it contributes to their satisfaction with the relationship routine. If they are unable to go out, party, or even have a gathering at home, they may become quite upset. They also enjoy friendly competition with you, finding joy in games that have a winner, which adds excitement to their daily routine.

They aren't particularly sensitive to others' pain. If you're upset and crying, they may inquire if there's a way to solve the problem. If there isn't, they might question why you're crying excessively. They are observant and can discern your emotional state, but if your day is bad, they won't repeatedly ask how you're doing. They tend to address the matter once and then move on, not inclined to give multiple chances. If you express your desires or feelings to them, they will understand and make an effort to accommodate you. However, if you don't communicate openly, they may be aware that something is amiss but won't take action. They value direct communication.

While they consider the relationship to be a source of strength and comfort, it doesn't hinder them from pursuing their personal goals and aspirations. They view the relationship as a partnership built on trust and mutual respect. They would loathe giving up their job to live a confined life for any reason. They highly value their freedom.

They have triumphed in various battles and competitions, perhaps winning sports competitions during their high school years. However, what truly stands out to them in life is the resilience they developed from experiencing hunger and homelessness.

Physical touch isn't their preferred means of showing affection. Instead, they opt for brief, light touches to remind you of their presence. They aren't inclined towards strong hugs or prolonged clinginess. They express their affection through frequent texting (yes, they enjoy texting), engaging in late-night conversations, and, as you mentioned, through sexual intimacy.

When they miss you, they tend to eat a lot and may also indulge in adult content as a means of "relieving" their longing. Additionally, they may find solace in activities such as gardening or building something while you're away. At work, they may work overtime when they know you won't be around.

If you happen to have to work elsewhere and be separated from them, they would patiently wait for you to return, even if it takes up to seven years. They wouldn't change their current location if it's where they want to be, but if you needed to go far away, they would eagerly await your return. They firmly believe that love is something that is nurtured and built upon, and they are committed to building something meaningful with you every single day, regardless of the circumstances.

Pile 2 - Kiss the girl

Your soul mate does not reside where you currently live. They are from another state or even a different country. Your nationalities are vastly diverse, and that is why you will only encounter them once you venture beyond your familiar surroundings. You will cross paths with them when you undergo a profound transformation that reshapes your foundations, prompting you to start afresh and pursue the dreams you have harbored. Even then, despite any challenges or setbacks, you persevere and meticulously plan for a new beginning. It is in this juncture of rebuilding and expansion that you will find your soul mate. Alternatively, they may enter your life after a significant and positive transformation, when your long-cherished aspirations finally materialize, and you begin charting new paths to build upon your achievements. Another possibility is that you will encounter them when embarking on a new journey following a setback or a momentous victory.

Physically, they possess a well-defined and sturdy bone structure. Their body naturally carries a certain weight, and their features exhibit a square shape. Their skin tone is naturally dark, which may be attributed to their race or a sun-kissed complexion. They radiate a lively and dynamic aura, constantly in search of their true love. When you two meet, it will feel as if you have found your missing half. They will bear a resemblance to their ancestors and may have a distinctive accent. They prefer to dress in dress shirts, lightweight attire, and coats. Despite being dynamic and fun-loving, their posture tends to be closed and serious, as if their mind is open while their body remains guarded.

Spirituality holds significant importance for them. They have a profound sense of a life mission and feel a calling that drives them to tap into their inner power. They are deeply devoted, not to a specific entity, but to making the world a better place. They possess unwavering faith in humanity and strive to uplift it. In everyday life, they maintain a certain level of reserve and mystery. They do not easily reveal their true selves or allow others to feel too close and comfortable around them, as they cherish their personal space. They are dreamers who long for the next generation to surpass the current one, both in terms of personal growth and global betterment. Family holds immense significance to them, and they carry the lessons and values imparted by their own lineage. Consequently, they aspire to create their own family and pass down those intergenerational teachings.

You may cross paths with your soul mate in various settings: at a waterfall, within an orphanage, school, or children's establishment, during a business meeting, at a volunteer-driven Thanksgiving gathering, in a marketplace, at a street fair, or even under a sky adorned with rainbows. It will be a relationship in which neither of you needs to explicitly ask if it is serious or not. You will naturally come together without uttering the words "Will you date me?" After approximately eight weeks of getting to know each other, you will seamlessly transition into being lovers without the need for verbal confirmation. It will simply be an unspoken understanding between you both.

They are a very romantic individual, albeit a bit awkward. It seems that there's always something getting in their way due to their natural clumsiness. For example, they might buy a bouquet of flowers, but somehow manage to get it wet. Despite these quirks, they are deeply passionate and faithfully devoted to you. They perceive you as a flame, something that can both provide warmth and comfort, yet also have the potential to hurt and destroy. As a result, they both admire and fear your immense power. They often recognize your capabilities even when you may not see them yourself. They also have a strong sexual nature and view it as an essential aspect of the relationship. They have various desires and kinks, and they envision exploring them with you. While they see you as an equal, they also feel a need to protect you. You may notice that they instinctively position themselves in front of you, acting as a shield, especially when you're out in public or among strangers.

One of their most endearing qualities is their generosity. They don't consider money when it comes to buying things for you. If you ask for something, they will purchase it for you, especially if they have the means to do so. Even if they are wealthy, they won't hesitate to buy whatever brings you joy, regardless of the price. They also have a deep love for their work and are highly dedicated to it. They are constantly seeking ways to improve and make changes in their professional life, always planning for the future. Their physical appearance is important to them, and they take great care to maintain a clean and groomed appearance, including regular haircuts, showers, and clean nails. You find their beauty captivating, and you are particularly drawn to their romantic nature. Even when you try to play hard to get, you can't resist their declarations of love.

However, you may struggle to fully accept that they have experienced happiness with others in the past. Even if you have a stable relationship, you may find yourself comparing yourself to their previous partners and feeling inadequate because you didn't have the opportunity to share those moments with them. They may also have family connections or privileges that you envy, such as being from an influential family or inheriting generations of secrets and traditions. Furthermore, they may have greater financial stability than you, which can make you feel as though you constantly have to work hard for everything while they effortlessly thrive. While your family may readily accept them, their family may not be as accepting of you.

They will teach you the importance of staying true to yourself, even during the most challenging times. They will encourage you to remain faithful to both people and your beliefs, and to never lose faith. They will inspire you to cultivate strength in all aspects of your life, including your mental and physical well-being. They will help you learn to love and accept yourself as you truly are, embracing your flaws and working on self-improvement while breaking free from any psychological constraints you may have developed over time.

If you practice divination, they will be your most frequent client. They are willing to pay for your services but also genuinely value the insights you provide. They enjoy engaging in religious and mystical activities with you, whether it's attending church or participating in a witches' congregation. They also have an affinity for aquariums and may even desire to have a fish that you can care for together or enjoy going fishing as a shared activity. They particularly relish engaging in more challenging sexual positions. Sometimes, they find pleasure in simply gazing at you, admiring your presence, especially when you're immersed in something you enjoy.

They admire the way you bring humor and fun into serious moments, even when maintaining a more serious posture. Your sarcasm holds a special appeal to them. They also appreciate how you take charge of situations, confidently asserting yourself and becoming a commanding presence in times of high stress. You lead when things seem dire and dark, but once they improve, you pass the leadership role to someone else. They admire your personal history and achievements, often considering your accomplishments to be unimaginable for anyone else. They enjoy witnessing moments when you proudly share your successes and enthusiastically discuss your past or future plans. Your constant dreaming and pursuit of fulfilling your desires resonate with them. They also appreciate your inclination to help others, whether through your profession or in your daily interactions.

When you're feeling down, they are quick to make tea or prepare a remedy passed down from their mother, who seemingly has a cure for every kind of pain. In more serious situations, they have the car keys in hand, ready to take you to the doctor or hospital if necessary. They are willing to engage in conversations to understand if you're facing psychological or emotional challenges, offering support. If it appears that you require professional assistance, they will accompany you and ensure you receive the necessary help, even if it means spending the entire day at appointments.

They envision a future where you excel in your chosen field, or at the very least, gain significant recognition. They are always eager to learn something new and plan to take courses well into their 70s. They will encourage you to join them on this learning journey. They aspire to become an exceptional teacher or mentor in their field, and as they near the end of their life, their primary desire is to impart knowledge and educate others. They hope that you will either teach alongside them or attend all their classes. They also express a strong desire to have children, and the number of children they envision having depends entirely on your preference. Whether it's one, two, three, four, or more, the decision is ultimately yours. They see the two of you remaining youthful at heart, always striving to bring joy to the world in some way.

Their dominant or passive nature tends to fluctuate depending on the situation. Sometimes, they have no strong opinions and allow you to take charge entirely, while in other instances, they may argue their perspective and strive to do things their way. However, they are skilled at making you believe that they are doing what you want, when in reality, it was their plan all along. They are not inclined to use verbal aggression or engage in direct confrontation. Instead, they persistently pursue their own interests until they achieve their desired outcome.

Occasionally, they can experience outbursts of anger, saying and doing things that are uncharacteristic of their usual nature. They may bring up past mistakes and faults, casting you as a bad person. These moments of anger typically last for a brief period, perhaps one or two minutes, before they regain control and retreat. They often apologize swiftly after such episodes. It's worth noting that they may get over the issue quickly while you're still upset. Over time, they will engage in fewer fights, but in the initial stages of the relationship, there may be some heated arguments.

They have a significant ego, which leads them to hesitate when it comes to expressing gratitude towards you. However, deep down, they truly appreciate you. They may express gratitude if you initiate it first, and it must always be reciprocal. If you haven't praised them on a given day, they won't praise you either. Nevertheless, they genuinely value your presence and believe that you have brought immense happiness into their life. Particularly if you have children together, they will take great pride in being a parent and become extremely protective, especially if they have daughters. They are aware of everything you do for them and feel grateful, but don't expect constant reminders from them.

They tend to share their secrets only once everything is planned and in motion. They will confide in you about their plans after they have already made the necessary preparations. They may seek emotional support from you or, if you happen to be someone who practices divination, they may inquire about what the future holds. However, they are reserved by nature and prefer not to divulge everything. They believe in maintaining individuality, as knowing every detail about each other's lives can diminish the sense of excitement and mystery.

Their connection with spirituality and their mother has changed since they met you. Perhaps they didn't have a strong bond with their mother before, but with you in their life, they now view her differently. They have also become more romantic and affectionate in general, influenced by your presence. They are willing to make rational changes in various aspects of their life, such as changing colleges if they are dissatisfied, but when it comes to emotional matters and personal convictions, they are more resistant to change. While you have altered their worldview to some extent, not all aspects have undergone transformation.

Jealousy is not a significant issue for them when it comes to you. If you have children, they may feel more protective of the kids rather than being jealous of you. They appreciate your free-spirited nature, recognizing that children don't have the same level of freedom. If they do happen to experience jealousy, they might engage in activities related to the sea as a means of coping. For example, they may take you out to eat seafood, either because you enjoy it or as a way for them to destress.

Communication is more important to them than physical affection. They are skilled in the art of seduction but don't expect movie-style kisses every time. They enjoy giving you kisses, but they tend to be more gentle and playful rather than deep and intense. They take pleasure in teasing you until you're the one who initiates the kiss. It's possible that your first kiss could happen in a movie theater or as a result of their playful teasing.

To confess their love, they would recreate the most romantic scenes from a movie. They are the type to present you with a bouquet of roses, or perhaps strawberry and chocolate ones, along with a box of chocolates and a heartfelt love letter. They have a fondness for writing letters, and it's possible that they have written many letters about you, even if they were never sent.

Marriage is something they contemplate. Although they may have believed for a long time that it wasn't necessary, at some point, they will change their mind and desire to get married. Perhaps if one of you becomes pregnant, you'll both feel the urge to prepare for marriage before the baby is born. The proposal may be a simple moment of sitting on the couch, looking into each other's eyes, and asking, "Is it time to get married?" with both of you agreeing and proceeding to plan the wedding. They would prefer to have a family member officiate the ceremony, and the location is not as important to them, but they will invite a large number of guests.

During intimate moments, they use various affectionate nicknames that I cannot explicitly mention here. However, in non-sexual contexts, they may call you treasure, queen, mermaid, jewel, lioness, warrior, gladiator, gypsy, or hippie.

They have a tendency to gaze at you with longing, as if they can't take their eyes off you, even though they might deny it. They may avert their gaze, but it's apparent that they are watching you. Others may notice this because they can't stop looking at you—it's their way of showing their affection. They also enjoy assisting with physically demanding tasks that involve heavy lifting, as it allows them to showcase their strength for you. However, they may not explicitly confess their love for you.

They are not inclined to display affection openly, as they believe you could stay at home where no one else can see you. They are reserved when it comes to showing public displays of affection and prefer to keep such moments private.

They know how to take care of children, and for some reason, kids tend to get along well with them. It may seem like the children prefer them over you. They possess knowledge about condoms; that's all I have to say on the matter. They are also highly creative and full of energy, often waking up early and encouraging you to start the day early as well. They are an early bird.

In everyday life, they aren't particularly romantic, and you may even find them to be a bit distant at times. They express romantic gestures when they feel like it, and if they don't feel the inclination, they won't engage in such acts. However, they are quite generous when it comes to allowing you to sleep, especially if you enjoy it. They will let you stay in bed for as long as you need. They also enjoy taking short walks at night or going out for dinner.

They are the person who believes in your dreams and goals the most. When you feel tired or discouraged, they will be the one to uplift your spirits. If you hold meetings, they want to be involved, even if they aren't an employee. They are also quite helpful with accounting, writing, and every strategic aspect of your plans.

They appreciate routine and knowing what's happening on a daily basis. However, they also enjoy a bit of mystery and occasional surprises. They need to go out and do something together at least once a month, whether it's visiting a museum, going to a park, or watching a movie. The activity may vary, but they prioritize spending quality time together at least once a month.

They have a knack for learning secrets and staying informed about gossip, even more than they let on. That's why they may know a lot about you from your mother or other people, rather than directly from your own mouth. They might be the type to say, "Yes, your mother already told me that." They are attentive to your material needs, such as knowing when you'll have your period and ensuring you have an ample supply of pads. However, they may not be as attuned to your emotional needs, so you'll need to communicate with them about that.

They view being by your side as a great opportunity. They appreciate that you allocate some of your precious time to them, and they cherish those moments. They understand that they are a part of your life but not the entirety of it, and that's why they have immense respect for you. They see the relationship as an avenue for self-expression and an opportunity to open up with someone they can trust.

They tried to grow out their hair when they were younger, but it didn't work out for them. They also experimented with dyeing their hair, but that didn't work either. They have experienced being dumped multiple times, although they keep that information to themselves.

When it comes to displaying affection, they are a very discreet person. They prefer to show their affection when you're alone together, leaning against you and finding opportunities to have their hand somewhere, particularly on your thigh while driving. They have a fondness for your hair, and if you ask, they will gladly help comb it.

When you're apart or when they miss you, they have a tendency to travel somewhere else or spend time at their mother's house, and perhaps even yours.

They are the type of person who would be willing to change their religion for you, but they would not compromise their core beliefs and convictions. There are many things that they hold steadfastly to. They would also be open to changing countries if necessary.

Pile 3 - Someday My Prince Will Come

It's important for you to take a break from actively seeking your true love and soul mate. Instead, familiarize yourself with the "Law of Attraction" and understand that constantly imagining and wishing for their arrival won't necessarily make it happen. By fixating on finding them, you only increase your anxiety and stress. It's crucial to focus on your own life, pursue activities and interests unrelated to romantic pursuits, explore different subjects, engage with people from diverse backgrounds, and patiently wait for the right moment to come.

They exude a youthful and energetic aura, often appearing younger than their actual age. They have a playful and childlike nature. Their expressive mouth and nose tend to catch attention. Their fashion sense may be considered unconventional or quirky, but they embrace it. From the moment you meet, you'll feel drawn to them and desire closeness.

They are a free-spirited individual who relishes in traveling, meeting new people, trying new activities, and embarking on adventures. They have a penchant for dating but haven't experienced a lasting relationship yet. At first glance, they may resemble a charming prince, but they are not. They are not inherently bad, but they greatly value their freedom.

You may encounter them in various situations such as street fights, workplace conflicts, store quarrels, while shopping for sports or camping gear, or during competitions at work or school, as well as in team-building activities or camping trips.

Your relationship with them is likely to commence in early spring or during the month of March.

They will experience jealousy towards you and won't appreciate others getting involved with you. In the beginning, they may not take the relationship seriously, leading them to go out with you and other people simultaneously. For them, if the relationship isn't official, they don't feel the need for commitment. They aren't inclined to share their belongings freely. You will find that you have contrasting opinions on many matters, and they will frequently express fear of being betrayed. They harbor significant insecurities regarding love.

You'll particularly appreciate their appearance and presence in bed. It's undeniable. Additionally, you're drawn to their ability to construct and deconstruct things, persisting and remaking projects if needed. If they were a draftsman, you could envision their room filled with crumpled and torn papers as they persistently try again. They're a source of constant surprises, always revealing something new and unexpected when you least anticipate it.

However, you'll struggle to come to terms with the fact that they likely cheated on you early in the relationship, an experience that will linger in your memory. You'll also find yourself waiting for hours when you make plans together because they're always late. During challenging times, you'll often feel a sense of loneliness, as their support may not meet your expectations.

On the other hand, they will teach you the importance of self-love and valuing yourself. They'll guide you in nurturing your beauty and femininity, and they'll encourage you to be independent and proactive rather than relying on others. They'll remind you that you hold responsibilities for many aspects of your life and the people around you. They'll inspire faith and respect for your own cycles. They'll help you tap into your productivity and creativity.

They enjoy going out to eat with you or simply relaxing at home without any worries. They appreciate working together in group settings, be it in a professional environment, volunteering, or academia. They find pleasure in building furniture and engaging in crafting activities alongside you. They also enjoy going shopping with you.

They hold deep admiration for your diligent work ethic and your ability to manage your finances. They appreciate your dedication and unwavering conviction in pursuing your goals with passion. They notice how you radiate youthfulness, simplicity, and innocence despite the complexity of life. Your vibrant and joyful energy leaves a lasting impression.

When you're not feeling well, they typically give you some space to reflect and gather your thoughts. If there's a way for them to offer assistance, they'll show care and attentiveness, albeit maintaining a slight distance while being present during challenging times.

They envision a future filled with ups and downs, challenges, and difficulties. Despite the potential hurdles, both of you are working together and supporting one another to overcome obstacles and make things work. They have a belief in fate, trusting that whatever is meant to happen will unfold naturally, so they don't worry too much about the future. They have a sense of being protected in the future, as if things will work out fine no matter what, desiring a happy future but not dwelling on it.

They have a chaotic nature, which means they may try to dominate if not controlled, but if you can establish control, they become more passive. They enjoy venturing into new experiences but won't complain if you take the initiative to plan activities. In fact, they appreciate it as it helps them relax.

They easily forgive and forget, leaving the past behind as another story. They are focused on living in the present, addressing issues as they arise, and moving on. During conflicts, they remain quiet and observe, asking at the end, "Done? Did you calm down?"

They are deeply grateful for your help and acknowledge that you have made them wiser and more patient. They recognize the impact you've had on their personal growth and maturity, and they aim to reciprocate this favor in the future. As the years go by, they will be increasingly present in your life. Initially, relating to each other may be challenging, but this relationship is a joint construction between the two of you.

They will openly share every aspect of their life with you. Initially, it may be frustrating because they lack a filter, unaware of what should or shouldn't be said. Consequently, they express the whole truth in an abrupt and direct manner. Over time, they will improve their communication skills and become more mindful of their words. They will refrain from making fun of your haircut, even if they don't particularly like it. They will learn to adapt and be more considerate.

Through the course of your relationship, both of you will undergo significant personal growth, often catalyzed by painful experiences. You will confront fears and traumas together, making efforts to heal and overcome them. It will be a journey of discovering and addressing problems and traumas as a team.

They experience jealousy and tend to express it in a passive-aggressive manner. Instead of directly communicating their feelings, they try to make you understand through subtle actions and distancing themselves when jealous.

Their kisses are often romantic, characterized by a slow and passionate exchange. They prefer to savor the moment and engage in unhurried experiences. During these intimate times, they desire to fully immerse themselves in the present. The first kiss between you two might occur while under the influence of alcohol, with neither of you remembering the details.

They might express their affection for you after spending a night together, usually when they are tired and sleepy. However, they won't repeat what they said the next day, nor will they deny it. They will carry on as if nothing happened. They will only confess their feelings after you have already expressed your liking for them; they are too insecure to be the first to say "I love you."

In a spontaneous moment following a fight, they may propose marriage as a way to reconcile. This proposal will be impulsive and unfiltered, happening on the spot. While it's not their dream scenario, they view it as a compromise. They envision a simple and intimate wedding, perhaps in a country setting or on a beach, with close family and a few acquaintances. They prefer a wedding that is comfortable and unpretentious. You may also have the tradition of throwing rice at the newlyweds after the ceremony.

Some nicknames they might affectionately call you include: treasure, empress, devil, baby, baby girl/boy, sweetie, and nervous.

When they are interested in someone, they tend to talk to others to seek assistance in getting closer to you. They are unafraid to flirt openly and shamelessly. However, if you are oblivious to their advances, you may not notice their flirtatious behavior. To demonstrate their affection, they enjoy attending music shows and purchasing items together. Music plays a significant role in their life, and their most prized possessions could be musical instruments or CDs.

They are straightforward when it comes to relationships and may even suggest an open relationship. They act on their desires whenever they feel the impulse, regardless of the context. If they want to kiss you in front of your parents, they will do so without hesitation. They dislike conventional norms and are attracted to unconventional aspects in relationships. They enjoy taking risks.

Having worked as a bartender in the past, they possess knowledge of crafting various drinks. They also have a keen intuition and can often sense events before they occur. They feel a strong spiritual protection, which makes them believe that even in the face of a fatal accident, they will survive. They are self-aware and acknowledge both their positive and negative aspects. Additionally, they have a knack for detecting lies.

They have a great belief in you and dream even bigger than you do, sometimes to the point of being overly idealistic. For example, if you mention wanting to buy a house, they might question why you don't desire a mansion. Emotionally, they provide support and discuss dreams and desires. They may even pray for those dreams to come true. However, when it comes to taking action, they may claim not to know how to fulfill those desires if you ask them to do something.

They have a tendency to provoke small conflicts in order to add spice to the relationship, finding excitement in the act of arguing (especially if they are a man). Most of the time, their routine remains unchanged, as they are naturally chaotic. However, their actions become predictable over time, and their behavior can become mundane. They have a strong need for social interaction and value having a circle of friends. They also have a desire to have a pet in the home.

They possess a great deal of empathy and can often explain your emotions even before you fully comprehend them yourself. They have a deep understanding of the emotional realm and are not afraid of diving into this domain. They will express their emotions while also comprehending yours. In times of uncertainty, they provide valuable assistance by helping you discover what truly brings you happiness. They can also recognize your facial expressions, even if you try to conceal your intentions.

The relationship you share is something they desired and patiently awaited, a wish that has now come true. They lead a faith-driven life, praying and seeking assistance when in need, without strictly adhering to religious dogma. Nevertheless, their prayers have been answered, and having this relationship was one of those answered prayers. Despite occasionally placing the relationship in the background, it remains one of their pillars and a source of security. They are not inclined to take an active role in the relationship because they believe that everything is always fine. Therefore, if you have any issues or dislikes, it is important for you to be proactive and express what you don't like, along with the best way to address it. Otherwise, things may remain the same because no one knows how to bring about the necessary changes.

They are very fond of games and casinos, having spent a significant amount of money on them, including video game loot boxes. It's possible they may have developed an addiction to these activities. They have a history of cheating in games and possess extensive knowledge of cheating methods to secure victories.

In terms of displaying affection, they have a particular fondness for food. When they are extremely happy, they enjoy feeding you or sharing food with you. They have expectations for reciprocation, meaning if they show you affection, they anticipate receiving something in return. They also take pleasure in twirling your hair between their fingers and touching your hair and/or head. Additionally, they have a tendency to give small trinkets and beauty products as gifts.

When they miss you or when you need to be away for a while, they often question what they did wrong to contribute to the situation. They blame themselves for any distance between you, even if it's due to work commitments. This self-blame may lead to insomnia and excessive rumination. They may isolate themselves and prefer not to spend time with others.

Despite their childlike nature, they would go to great lengths for you. While they may not go as far as cutting off a limb, they would be willing to donate a kidney for you. They would even quit drinking if you asked them to. In summary, they would do anything to earn your acceptance and make you happy.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

#astrojulia #astrology #witchblr #astroblr #all about astrology #astro community #astro observations #astrology notes #witch community #astrology basics #pac #pick a pile #pick a card #divination #free reading #love reading #future spouse reading #soulmate reading

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wherethefireliliesgrow · 7 months ago

Text

Moonlight Sunrise (Part 2)

Minatozaki Sana x reader

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4

GENRE: angst, fluff, non-idol

TYPE: Short fic

You could feel the warmth emanating through the wooden doors of the hub, followed by muffled roars of laughter and conversation.

Momo had invited you for a drink in the local pub the night before the start of the event. You had spent the day training and preparing yourself, and you also did some shopping, buying food to pack for the event as it may last up to several weeks, depending on whether any contenders are alive.

Taking a deep breath to brace yourself, you pushed open the door and walked in.

The chatter died down immediately the moment you stepped in, with all of the men looking at you menacingly and with a hint of fear. War heroes, knights, and even thieves were there, all wanting a piece of the treasure. They had nothing in common in terms of background, only one thing—they saw you as their biggest threat.

"Y/N!" A familiar voice called from the back of the pub, Momo. "Over here."

You slowly made your way towards her, hands deep in the pockets of your coat. Some of the people stood up as you passed them, afraid yet trying their best to show their dominance.

You heard one of the groups of people make a move to draw out their weapons as soon as your back was turned, and you swiftly drew out your poison-soaked dagger. Skillfully dodging his swing, you silently and swiftly had your dagger at his throat.

The crowd fell silent, tension thick in the air, as beads of sweat formed on the scarred man's brow.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He cried out, craning his head to look at his leader for help.

His leader, a blurry hard-faced man, simply looked away and sat down.

"Now now, Y/N," Momo sighed, getting up from her seat and tugging you to release the man. "Let's not kill anyone before the competition."

Reluctantly, you relented, allowing the man to stumble backward and collapse onto the wooden floor.

"But feel free to hunt as many down in the labyrinth," Momo mused with a mischievous glint in her eyes, laughing when she saw the rest of the people shuffle uneasily.

The crowd cleared within seconds, leaving the bar now half empty.

"What a way to clear the crowd, I'm impressed," a soft voice called from the table Momo was originally sitting at, and you looked over to find another of your past colleagues and close friend of your sister, Minjeong.

Minjeong trained with you, your sister Yeji, and Momo at the same academy, spending most of your childhood together under the same master. She was skilled in poison and herbs, choosing to leave the academy as soon as she turned 16 to set off on a journey to learn more in this area. You hadn't seen her since.

You did, however, hear stories about her once in a while—how she turned into a master of poison and started her own academy at the young age of 21. Most of the weapons infused with poison, like the very one you had, were developed by her. Her name was now Winter, possessing a beauty as captivating and alluring as the first snowfall of the season. Her features were delicate yet sharp, like the frost that kissed the landscape with its icy touch. But beneath her stunning exterior lay a darkness, a chill that could freeze the hearts of those who crossed her path. As all of the people who had unfortunately come in contact with her dangerously poisonous infused blade, only managed to utter "cold as winter" before they hit the ground dead.

Contrary to what you had heard about her through these past few years, the tall girl was here, smiling goofily, grabbing you into a familiarly tight hug.

"I missed you, Y/N unnie."

You returned the gesture affectionately, feeling a surge of nostalgia. Minjeong had always been like a younger sister to you, a role she embraced wholeheartedly during your time at the academy.

"You've grown tall, baby rabbit."

She let out a laugh and dragged you and Momo to sit down with her. "That's exactly what Momo unnie told me when she saw me."

Momo simply glared at her with her arms crossed in front of her.

You let out a sigh. This was the face she made whenever someone was about to do something stupid.

"What are you doing here, Minjeongie?"

"Same reason as you. I'm going into the labyrinth."

"No," you said simply, shaking your head, with Momo nodding in agreement. "That's too dangerous."

"Whyyy," Minjeong whined, her tone childlike despite her lethal reputation, "I'm fully capable."

"We know you are, Min. It's just that it's too much of a risk. No one knows what's in the labyrinth," Momo tried to appease the younger girl. "Besides, what could you possibly want from the labyrinth? Money? We can provide that, just tell us how much you need."

The younger girl pouted. Seeing this menacing girl acting so childish must have been bizarre for the people she hunted down.

"I have money. I just really need this material that's rumored to be in the labyrinth," she paused, before quietly muttering, "the ashes of voidlings."

"Absolutely not," Momo hissed, "are you out of your mind?"

Minjeong looked at you pleadingly. She knew you were always the one to relent and fall for her maknae charms.

"If Y/N unnie is with me, it will be safe."

You sighed, shaking your head. "Not this time. Voidlings are not creatures you can kill. Even Master Kim said to flee when we encounter one."

Voidlings originated from dark witchcraft, when a spellbounder cast the darkest, most evil curse on a deceased, turning them into beings of the dark, preying on fear and weakness. These beings were created only if the deceased was filled with enough anger and hatred, making them powerful and nearly unbeatable. There has been no sure way to defeat these creatures. Nearly every person who encountered them died on the spot, let alone survived long enough to defeat them and gather their ashes.

Desperate, Minjeong blurted out the reason she swore to keep secret. "It's for Yeji."

"What?" You paused, putting down your mug and looking at the young girl.

"What about Yeji?" Momo asked, completely out of the loop. You hadn't told her the reason why you were here.

"Yeji wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, asking me for help. She wanted me to accompany Y/N unnie into the labyrinth, saying it was too dangerous for anyone to go alone. She told me you were going for her, and that was when she told me about her illness."

"She's sick? Wha-when? How?" Momo furrowed her brows in concern. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"She's been sick for two years now, and it's getting worse," you lowered your eyes, staring at the droplets that formed on the outside of your mug. "She was poisoned by one of the unknown beings in the far eastern territory, and no one has a way to cure her. That's why I was hoping to find the Luminite stone—you get one wish, right? Maybe this would work."

"My students and I have been trying to figure out a counterpoison for that, and I need the ashes of voidlings," Minjeong patted your hand in comfort, "If the stone doesn’t work, we can try for this."

The three of you sat in silence, each one lost in your thoughts, weighed down by the news like thick clouds pressing down. With every passing moment, the heaviness in the air grew, filling the room with uncertainty and a sense of foreboding that stretched into the late hours of the night. It was as if the very atmosphere held its breath, anticipating some ominous revelation lurking just beyond reach.

After much contemplation and discussion, you and Minjeong came to an agreement, despite Momo's disagreement. If you failed to find the stone within a week, Minjeong would enter the labyrinth and help you find and defeat a voidling. None of you were happy this decision, but this was the only way to save Yeji.

"It's late, you have a big day tomorrow," Momo yawned, rubbing her eyes. Minjeong was already fast asleep with her head drooped over the table.

"Yeah, I have one more stop to make," you said rising out of your seat, "Can you let me into the castle?"

"You know I can't do that, Y/N," Momo sighed before lifting the sleeping girl in her arms.

"Please. There's someone I need to say thank you to."

"Fine," the head of security relented. "Minjeong is crashing at my place anyway."

The three of you slowly made your way down the empty pebbled roads, the moonlight guiding the way, just like old times when you would leave training and head back to the dorms together. However, this time, there was a noticeable absence – Yeji.

"By the way, what's Princess Sana's favorite food?"

"What the fuck, Y/N? Be quiet or we're going to get caught."

"Please?"

"Fine. Apples I think. Anything apple flavored."

"Nice."

"Shut up."

Pushing open the familiar run-down wooden door, you found the space in front of the labyrinth deserted, as expected. You had a feeling the princess didn't want to be seen, especially after giving you that fake name.

Silently, you walked towards the metal bars and peered into the dark misty abyss again, hoping to catch a glimpse of the blonde girl. Instead, you saw only eerie shadows that seemed too haunting to be her. You definitely didn't want to come in contact with any of those beings.

Deciding to call it a night, you reached into your knapsack and pulled out a bottle of apple cider along with some small cakes bought at the market earlier that day. Placing them on the bench where you had sat together the day before, you wanted to thank the princess for her compass, even if you weren't sure if it was real or not.

Before you could make your way back, a familiar soft voice cut through the whooshing sounds emanating from the black clouds within the labyrinth.

"Hwang."

Turning, you found Luna sitting on top of the towering metal bars, swinging her barefoot legs casually.

"Hey."

She jumped down from the metal wall, landing gently with a thud.

"Couldn’t resist visiting me, huh?" She chuckled, eyeing the items on the bench. "Ooooo apple cider!"

She eagerly tore open the bottle and took a swig, resembling a little kid on Christmas morning. You couldn’t help but soften at her endearing behavior.

"It's just to thank you for giving me the compass."

"How do you know if I'm not fooling you?" She turned to look at you, a piece of cake still in her mouth.

"I don't," you said honestly, "but I'm willing to take that risk."

"For an assassin, you're oddly trusting," Luna mused, before splitting one of the cakes and passing it to you.

"How did you-"

"I hear your name once in a while in the labyrinth, Hwang." Luna giggled at your bewilderment, before lowering her voice as if she was an announcer. "The greatest assassin of the century, Hwang Y/N, the NightWalker. Some of the competitors talked about you, 'What would the NightWalker do in this situation?', 'Oh no, I'm cornered, if only I could walk on water like the NightWalker.'"

Your face flushed with embarrassment as she teased you, her laughter echoing through the empty space.

"Shut up," you nudged her with your shoulder.

She no longer felt like a monster; she felt like the cheerful princess people always talked about in their stories.

Luna put her fingers to her mouth, trying to stifle her giggles.

"Besides, it's a win-win situation if I get the stone," you shrugged, biting into the cake, the sweet-savory invading your taste buds.

"How so?"

"You're Princess Sana, aren't you?" You laughed at her surprised expression. "It says on the compass. If I win, I promise you'll be able to see the sunlight whenever you want. I have no interest in locking you by my side."

Instantly, the carefree girl in front of you shifted to the defensive half-human being. Sana's eyes glowed red once again, and you felt your body constrict, as if a rope was squeezing you tightly. She was looking for any lies behind your eyes. She found none.

"Sorry," she muttered, releasing you from her stare. You simply waved her off.

"I can't see the sunrise either way. I'm bound to the stone," she murmured softly, her delicate features cast in a faint glow from the moonlight.

As she spoke, her shoulders hunched slightly, a subtle gesture that spoke volumes of the weight she carried. Your heart couldn’t help but flutter in sympathy for the beautiful being before you, her words tinged with a hint of melancholy.

"The moonlight will be the only light I see for the rest of my life."

"I'll figure out a way. I always do," you promised.

Sana looked up to meet your eyes, her own remaining human and soft this time. In that moment, her gaze held a sense of vulnerability. You found yourself momentarily lost in her soft honey hues, the warmth of her gaze enveloping you. A faint blush tinged her cheeks as she met your stare, a silent acknowledgment of the connection between you.

"You're an odd one, NightWalker."

"As are you, Princess." you replied, unable to resist a teasing tone.

"Don't call me that," she muttered, trying to hide her smile, but her eyes betrayed her amusement.

You spent another hour or two talking to Sana, enjoying her company and the lighthearted banter that momentarily lifted the weight from your shoulders.

"It's almost sunrise. I have to go," Sana announced, stretching as she rose to her feet. "You should get some rest too, Y/N."

You nodded, following suit and standing up.

The princess grinned and extended her hand in a handshake. "Partners?"

"Partners," you agreed, shaking her hand firmly. Her touch sent a shiver down your spine, despite the warmth of the night.

Satisfied, with a hint of pink on her cheeks, Sana turned to make her way back towards the labyrinth, her figure gradually disappearing into the darkness.

"You better bring me some more of those cakes, Hwang," she called back before vanishing completely.

"Aye-aye, Princess," you replied, unable to resist one last teasing remark.

"Don't call me that!" she retorted with a laugh, her voice echoing faintly in the night.

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Cute filler chapter this time 😉

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and-claudia · 11 months ago

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Against All Odds pt. 8 (Joel Miller x fem! reader)

General Warnings for later on: The main story will have an age gap between Joel and the reader (Reader will be 25 once we get to the main storyline), this will also be your warning that it will eventually be an x pregnant reader (if that’s not your jam, I’m sorry) there is also going to be more graphic/trigger parts later on so please always to be sure to read the warnings BEFORE reading. This story will also be 18+ and TO BE ON THE TAGLIST YOU CAN NOT BE AN AGELESS BLOG (i do actually check that) also there first hand full of parts are all prologue so Joel won’t actually be in it for a bit

Warnings for this part: guns, killing, cannon violence

Word count: 3400+

Taglist Sign-Up (read my rules carefully before filling it out)

gif not mine

As the truck went through the window I instinctively reached my hand out to brace myself for the impact. Pain radiated from my wrist all the way up my arm and my head jerked forward as we hit something heavy enough to stop the momentum of the truck.

“Everyone okay?” Joel yelled.

“Yeah.” Ellied said, she didn’t sound like she was in pain, which was good.

“Sure.” I said through gritted teeth.

I knew I messed up my wrist somehow, I just wasn’t in a position to assess if it was a sprain, fracture, or just plain broken, and I definitely had whiplash in my neck.

“Ellie, you’re not hurt or nothin’?” Joel asked.

“No, I don’t think so, you and Yn okay?”

“I’m fine.” Joel confirmed.

“My wrist. Worry about it later though.”

No sooner did the words leave my mouth than the bullets started being fired at the truck. Instinctively we all ducked down.

“Belts off. Fast!” Joel yelled.

I did as he said, and opened my door that was opposite of the window we crashed through. Before I slid out though, I managed to grab the bag that was at my feet and take it with me. Ellie got out from the back seat and Joel slid out behind me. We all sat bunched up together, using the truck as a shield. After a moment or two, Joel carefully maneuvered to get the rifle out of the truck to have some form of defense against the ones shooting at us.

“Give us your shit, you make it through this! I promise!” I heard one of them yell, but I knew it was a trap. They would take our supplies and kill us.

"Joel... the hole she can fit through it." I said nodding towards a hole in the wall. He nodded.

“Ellie, you see it? When I say go, you crawl to that wall, you climb through and you don’t come out until one of us says, okay?” Joel said to her, I could tell she was scared.

“Ellie, they won’t hit you, okay? They won’t.” I tried to reassure her.

“Just stay down, stay quiet.” Joel added.

“Mhm.” The girl nodded but I could tell she was still scared.

“Ready?” Joel looked at me, and I got my gun ready, despite the shooting pain in my wrist and nodded.

“Go!” Joel yelled and we both stood up, him at the bed and me at the hood, and began firing back at them. Ellie began making her way to the hole.

I wanted to steal a look at her but couldn’t. I just continued shooting. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of Joel’s shots hit one of the men and he went down. I took that chance to duck back down behind the truck.

“You motherfucker!” The other man yelled, he pissed.

I made eye contact with Joel. There was debris further back that would offer bed coverage. He slightly communicated to me to go behind it. I nodded and stayed low as I moved to it. We stayed there silently, the only sound coming from the man as he got closer. Just as he rounded the corner, before he even got a chance to reach for his own trigger, Joel had already pulled his. I sighed in relief.

The calm only lasted for a second though because the next thing I knew, the back door to the building was swinging open and another man came in his weapon raised. He hadn’t seen me, only Joel. The two of them were now fighting up close and I couldn’t get a clear shot. Eventually, the man had Joel pinned to the ground. This was my shot I raised my gun and pulled the trigger. Nothing. Fuck. I was out of ammo. Joel was fighting against the rifle laying across his windpipe, legs kicking trying to force the man off of him. I tried to hurry to get the magazine out of my gun to reload it as fast as I could, but my hands were shaking. Then I heard a gun fire, causing me to jump. When I looked up from the gun, I saw Joel laying there breathing heavily, and the man dead beside him. I looked around for who had shot him and saw that Ellie had crawled back through and shot him.

Joel slowly got up and gave Ellie a look. She handed the gun to him and turned around to go back behind the wall. He put the safety on and turned to me.

“I’m sorry.” I shook my head and tried not to let the tears fall, “I- I thought I was counting how- how many rounds I had shot… I must have messed up… I thought there were two- two more.”

“It’s okay, it happens.” He tried to reassure me.

I shook my head, “If you die, I can’t get here there alone… I can’t do any of this alone, Joel… please.” The floodgates broke.

He was in front of me in an instant, wrapping me up in his arms.

“Sh, it’s okay, Yn. It’s okay… we gotta get out of site, okay.” I nodded weakly, “Come on.”

He led me over to the wall, “Ellie, look for another way in!”

“There’s a door but stuff is against it. I can try to move it.” She said.

Soon we were all in the small room together. We rebarricaded the door and took a few minutes to regroup and figure out what supplies we had left. Between our two bags, we each had some food, Joel’s light, a few extra pairs of clothes, and ammunition. My wrist was definitely sprained pretty good, but I would just deal with that later.

“Now what?” Ellie asked.

“We go up. Hopefully, we can spot a clear route out.” Joel said.

Joel led the way out of the building and down the alleyway behind it. We could hear cars driving down roads nearby, calling out for who I can only assume was one of the men we just killed. We made it to another building and slipped inside, unseen. We continued making our way from building to building, trying to get to the taller ones. It was slow moving but eventually, it became even slower. We had company. Men with armor on, carrying rifles, and handheld battering rams were going from door to door, looking for someone.

“They’re not FEDRA, and they’re not Fireflies, so who are they?” Ellie asked.

“People.” Joel replied from where he stood, peeking out between two pieces of paper covering the window.

“Are we going to be okay staying here, Joel?” I asked.

“For a bit, at least. Looks like they’re checkin’ out apartment buildings first… But they’ll eventually start going through these places too. Take a look, Yn, see that tall one, about four blocks down?” Joel asked, stepping away to allow me to look.

“Yeah, that where we’re heading?” I asked.

“Once we don’t hear a truck, we move.” He confirmed.

We all took a seat to wait for the coast to be clear and make our break for the building.

“You okay, Ellie?” I asked.

Shooting someone is traumatic, and I wanted to make sure she was okay.

“Yup. Wasn’t my first time.” She said. Her tone was short and she clearly not wanting to talk about it yet.

I nodded and let her be.

“Are you okay, let me see your wrist.” Joel said, holding his hand out for me to place my hand in.

I did and winced as my wrist touched his hand. He took a couple of seconds to examine it.

“Can you move it?”

I did the best I could which was hardly anything. But a little movement was good, it wasn’t broken and hopefully, the sprain wasn’t completely torn ligament bad.

“We gotta wrap it.” Joel said.

“It’s fine.” I insisted, but Joel gave me that look.

“You would make me do the same. Ellie, she was stuff to wrap injuries in her bag, hand it to me.” He said.

She did as he asked and soon my wrist was all wrapped up, preventing me from really using it.

“This means I can’t shoot…” I said.

“It’ll be okay.” Joel said, trying to get me not to worry.

“Would now be a bad time to ask if I can have the gun back?” Ellie asked.

Joel looked to me for my input. While she was still pretty young, with the proper knowledge it would be beneficial for her to have her own weapon just in case.

“I mean, in the long run, it’s better to show her now rather than later.” I said and Joel nodded, knowing what I was true.

He pulled the gun out and emptied the chamber, making sure nothing was left in it so it wouldn’t accidentally get shot out and either hurt someone or give our hiding spot away. Then he moved over to where Ellie was to show her how to use it properly. I moved to sit next to them to listen and give any input I could as well.

“Show me your grip.” He said, handing her the gun.

“Take your finger off the trigger.” I said.

We were both surprised that she actually had a pretty decent grip on the gun. There was definitely room for improvement but she at least didn’t have a limp grip on it.

“Now who taught you that?” Joel asked.

“FEDRA school.” “Figures.” Joel said shaking his head slightly.

Then he grabbed her other hand and brought it up to hold the gun as well, “Thumb over thumb, left and squeezes the right.” He explained as he guided her hands on where to go.

“You got a good grip on it now?” I asked, “You sure?” I asked again before reaching over and trying to jerk it out of her grip.

She held it just fine to which Joel and I nodded.

“That’s why you hold it with two hands and not one. Makes it harder for someone to rip it out of your hands.” Joel explained.

Joel collected the magazine off the floor and held his hand out for Ellie to give him the gun back. She did and he reloaded it for her before handing it back. She tested the new weight of it in her hands before nodding and going to put it in the back of her jeans.

“Uh-uh. You put it in your pack.” Joel said.

“Why? You and YN carry it like this.” She said.

“We’re adults. Plus, you’d probably shoot your damn ass off.” Joel said, causing me and Ellie to laugh a little.

“That can’t happen!” Ellie said.

“Oh, but it can. I knew a guy, shot his ass off.” I said causing both of them to look at me funny.

“Yup, when I lived in Alabama, after the breakout.” At this point Joel was looking at me funny, knowing I had never lived in Alabama.

“His name was Forest, Forest Gump. He was friends with brother…” I explained.

“Damn, that must suck! How did he take a shit?” Ellie asked, clearly believing the story.

“I mean, keep your gun back there, you’ll find out for yourself.” I said and that seemed to convince her to put it in her pack instead.

At this point, Joel had stood up and was checking outside.

“It’s clear. We need to move.” He said, already moving to the door to pull the barricades off of it.

Ellie and I both stood up and grabbed our stuff. We turned to Joel just before he opened the door. He hesitated and looked over at us.

“We’ll get through this.” He said and we both nodded.

We slipped out of the building and began making our way towards the taller ones. It was slow going. We constantly had to find cover from being spotted by anyone. The sun eventually began to set and we were finally at the taller ones. Which was great because I was getting tired of running from building to building. Joel hoisted Ellie up so she could break into the building through a vent and then let us in. We waited outside for her.

“Where would you be without me?” She said, triumphantly as she opened the door.

“By now, Wyoming.” Joel said.

“Probably still in Boston.” I said, teasingly as I walked in.

“Oh, yeah. Walked right into that one.” Ellie said, shutting the door behind us.

We looked around the area we were in. It looked like a garage for whatever building we were at. “Okay, let’s make our way up. Rest. Come morning, I’ll take a look, find us a way out of the city.” Joel said, leading the way now.

As we passed the doorway to the stairs Ellie and I both saw how many floors there were.

“We’re not really going up all 47 floors, right?” Ellie asked.

My feet hurt even just hearing that number.

“Forty-five, actually. Or as far as I can make it.” Joel said.

“What about as far as I can make it?” I asked.

“I’m older.” Joel shot back, teasing me.

“I’m pregnant-er.” I said as we began climbing the stairs.

“That’s not even a word.”

“But its true… I’m like what, 12… 13 weeks probably… I can’t remember honestly.” I said the last bit to myself.

“That sounds about right.” Joel said, shocking me a little. I had no idea he was keeping track of any of that.

The climb went silent, until about the 20th floor when I could hear all of us breathing a little harder.

“Hey,” Ellie’s voice finally broke the silence, “When that guy was hurt, how did you know it was an ambush?”

Joel stopped and leaned on the railing for support, “I’ve been on both sides,” he began, “It was a long time ago. We did what we needed to survive.”

“You and Yn?”

“No, not Yn. Before Boston.”

“So you and Tess?” She pressed.

“And the others we were with. Including my brother.” He said.

There were a few moments of silence before Ellie asked another question, “Did you kill innocent people?”

I already knew the answer. Joel avoided the question and just told us to come on as he began climbing again.

Finally, Joel decided we were high enough. My feet hurt. I could barely breathe. We got off the stairs and went into the halls to find a room.

“Holy shit.” Ellie said.

“Yeah.” I agreed.

“Thirty-Three floors. That’s good. That’s high enough.” Joel said.

“It better fucking be.” I said, leaning against the wall, trying to catch my breath.

Joel had taken a seat against the wall beside to do the same thing. He didn’t get to sit for long though because Ellie was already pushing for him to get back up.

“Come on, lazy ass.” She said causing me to laugh as she pulled him up to stand.

“Lazy ass,” Joel repeated under his breath with a grunt, “I’m lazy, I am fifty-six years old you piece of shit.” He said back making us both laugh.

We finally found somewhere to stay for the light. Joel busted through the glass on the door to get us in. Once we were in, Ellie and I found some cushions from the couches to use as mats to sleep on. Unlike last time, this time I decided to put mine and Joel's side my side.

“Y’all better not do anything gross. I’m literally 6 feet away.” Ellie said upon seeing the setup.

“Trust me, we won’t.” I said.

Before she could say anything else, Joel began making all sorts of noise with broken glass. I looked over and he was dumping it all on the ground by the door. Ellie called his name a few times to get his attention but it wasn’t working until she pretty much yelled his name.

“What?” he asked, confused as to why she just yelled.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“I don’t want someone sneakin’ up on us while we’re sleepin’.” He said.

Ellie nodded, “Ohh, I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch.” She said as Joel walked over to the make shift mats, “Are you sure you’re gonna hear it?”

I had to stop myself from laughing.

“Of course, I’ll hear it. That’s the damn point.” He said, missing the old man joke completely.

“Okay,” Ellie held her hands up in surrender, “Well, good night, then. Oh, and I already told her but I’ll tell you, no nasty stuff better be going on over on your mats.” She said.

Joel looked over to where I was sitting and saw how I had put ours out. I couldn’t read his emotions in the darkness of the room and it made me panic that I may have stepped over the line. Joel ignored her and came over to me.

“If this isn’t okay and you’d rather sleep alone I can move mine away. I just wasn’t sure if-” I began to ramble.

“It’s fine. Promise.” He said, setting down his stuff beside his side, which also just happened to be the side he always slept on with me.

“Want some help with your boots?” He offered.

I was very capable of doing them, but nodded nonetheless. He slipped them off and I was appalled at how swollen they were already.

“Dude! That’s gross!” Ellie said, from where she was now lying on her side, watching us.

“Well, this is the shit that I am assuming happens when you are pregnant and climb over thirty flights of stairs. I will not be retesting this assumption though.” I said.

“Remind me to never have a kid. That looks painfull.” She said, before rolling back over.

“Do they hurt?” Joel asked softly.

I shook my head, “Not really, a little sore but tolerable.” I said, truthfully.

“What about your wrist? How is that doing?”

“It’s fine. We can look at it in the morning better.” I said before yawing.

Joel nodded and settled down on his side as I did the same. We all lay in silence for a bit before Joel’s voice broke through it.

“Hey, Ellie.” “Yea?”

“When we were talkin’ about hurtin’ people earlier, what did you mean it wasn’t your first time?” Joel asked cautiously.

I could hear Ellie shift around before she spoke, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Jole turned his back to me to look over at her, “You don’t have to… I’m just sayin, it isn’t fair, at your age… having to deal with that.” He said, trying to comfort her in his own way.

“So, it gets easier when you’re older?” She asked, clearly trying to joke to brighten the mood that had settled around them.

“No, not really.” Joel said, shaking his head slightly.

“I asked about you hearing the glass earlier because I noticed you don’t hear too well on your right side. Is that from where you got shot?” Ellie asked, changing the subject.

“Probably more from shootin’,” He said, truthfully, “So if you wanna keep your hearing, stick to that knife.” He said before rolling back over.

There were a few more moments of silence and I thought they were both drifting to sleep like I was but of course, Ellie spoke up one last time.

“Hey Joel, did you know diarrhea is hereditary?” She asked, and I could already tell where this was going.

“What?” Joel asked confused by the random question.

“Yeah… it runs in your jeans.” She said.

I could feel Joel behind me, looking back at her over his shoulder. I was failing to contain my small laughter. Ellie also laughed some. Joel rolled back over, draping one of his arms over me as I continued to snicker a little.

“Jesus.” Joel said and I could hear the small smile in his tone.

“That is so damn stupid.” He said, trying not to laugh.

“You laughed, motherfucker.” Ellie said.

“I didn’t laugh.” “You’re trying not to!” I chimed in.

“Guess I’m losing it, then.” He said.

“Big time, dude.” Ellie said, still laughing.

Finally, Joel broke and all three of us were laughing. Once we all eventually calmed down, we said our goodnights and went to sleep.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep but at some point, my eyes snapped open to the sound of glass crunch under someone’s shoe.

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