#from having issues bc in the past 2 many ppl showed up to watch @ once which. that sounds reasonable. very odd all together tho

[roostertuftart]

may or may not be airing tonight???????????idk????

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı ep 48 asks

THE EPISODE WHERE THEY FINALLY GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!

SERKAN AND EDA ARE MARRIED!!

FINALLY!

YES!!!!!!!!!

Okay, now that I got that out of my system, asks under the read more.

andhewonherheart asked: @andhewonherheart I love that Bolat is Aydan’s last name, not Alptekin’s. I know it’s a little of a retcon, but this way we don’t need to worry about Serkan and his family carrying that man’s name. And Aydan would be a woman that strongarms her husband into taking her last name.

I LOVED THIS!  I sat up straight when Kemal made the comment about Alptekin taking her name and cheered. Seriously. What a great turn of events. Serkan is so attached to his name, it’s nice that he didn’t have to have an identity crisis over that on top of everything else. And now it’s not weird for Eda and Kiraz to take his name after finding out Kemal is actually his father, which I wanted for them. I wanted them all to be tied together with a name, to have that feeling of belonging. Plus, as you say, it’s nice they don’t have the name of that man. 

I will say one thing, though... is it really a retcon?  Did they ever say Bolat was Alptekin’s given last name? I don’t think they did (but who knows with the iffy translations we all rely on). I do remember Aydan bragging on the lineage of the Bolats in a very early episode (maybe 2?) and at the time I thought it was odd that she was so proud of the lineage when she just married into it, especially because if memory serves she was sort of heckling Eda, who was marrying a Bolat.  Perhaps this was always intended, and we only feel like it’s a retcon because we’re programmed by a patriarchal society to assume a woman always take a man’s last name?

Anonymous asked: I don’t really like the idea of Serkan giving up Art Life. I understand the symbolism of him giving up his work for his family, but I would’ve preferred that he finds a balance, like he did with bringing Kiraz to work. I feel like that would’ve been a more rounded way of approaching his character, instead of swinging him in the other direction, now instead of having only work, he only has his family. When he could have both.

He will have both. Eventually. He’ll figure it out and get back to where he was. He is Serkan Bolat after all. You don’t expect him to sit idle for any length of time, do you?

As much as part of me was just torn up at him selling his stake in the company, I thought it was really beautiful.  Sure, balance is good, but this is a man who has ripped out Eda’s heart twice by telling her that work is more important than she is to him. This is a man who left ON HIS WEDDING DAY, who put work first ON HIS WEDDING DAY, who got on a plane ON HIS WEDDING DAY because he tried to balance (do both, go to Italy and get married in one day) and it ended up putting them both through hell and almost ruining both of their lives.

Picture how you would feel if the person you were marrying decided to fly to another country on your wedding day? 

So I disagree with you. I’m more than fine with Serkan Bolat unequivocally putting Eda first over his career and company. After everything they’ve been though, and her insecurities in that area, it was incredibly important and now she will never, ever doubt where his heart lies. It’s with her. She (and their family) is his top priority.

Besides, the show started with Serkan having destroyed Eda’s dream of studying to become a landscape architect in Italy, it’s quite poetic that he gave up something substantial so that she could realize a dream of working as a landscape architect on her dream project in Italy.

I’m pretty sure she’ll be more than happy to help rebuild their company. Together. 

Anonymous asked: i know you said in your previous ask round-up that as far as the actual proposal goes, nothing would top that speech in 27.. i was wondering how you felt about his speech this episode. sure, it wasn't actually the proposal, more like a "reception" toast, but for me i think it was my favorite speech, or at least top 3, serkan has said to/about eda.. just pure love about their journey together and a huge full circle moment with that video from the pilot episode.

YEEEEEESSSSSS. I so agree with this, and actually thought exactly this while watching.  It was a marvelous speech and while, as you say, it was presented as more of a toast, it was really more of a wedding vow.  

I loved it. And I’ve rewatched it multiple times and I plan to watch it many times more. As always Kerem and Hande were excellent in the scene. Eda and Serkan were in front of their friends and family, but they were so focused in on one another they might as well have been alone. The emotion was palpable. 

She is love. Dang, Serkan!  He’s mentioned love at first sight a couple of times, it was nice that in this moment he gave another nod to that.

Loved the call back to the video from the first episode, it worked really well, especially to remind us of how it all started and how she felt like he destroyed her dream. That segued into him mentioned them destroying each other’s dreams. As I said above, quite poetic, especially since he then put his money where his mouth was by the end of the episode and destroyed his dream to preserve hers. 

Well done, show. 

Anonymous asked: i have loved the tone of this season so much. none of the drama we have is super heavy, outside of the kiraz reveal which was given the angst and importance it should have bc of how it important it was. otherwise, we've had happy (now married!) edser coming back together and now facing trouble and issues as a couple! this was basically all i wanted for them since 28!

Yes, me too. I really enjoy the tone this season. As you say, it’s not super heavy, the melodrama is at a minimum, most things are light and fluffy and even heavy issues are played with a light hand. 

For me, I’ve really enjoyed this season and I’m super glad we got it.  I think COVID did us one favor by shutting down production when it did and forcing them to reevaluate what they were doing.  If they hadn’t I’m guessing the show would have continued in a very messy and directionless manner, with lots of melodrama and storylines that would have been traumatic to watch. 

Season 2 has direction and purpose and a plan and once we got past the horrified shock of the time jump and the secret daughter (which I grant you was no small feat) it’s pretty much been trauma free. 

Anonymous asked: After watching the episode, I'm lowkey disappointed. we did get Pretty Woman SCK-style. I was promised Serkan as a gigilo and Eda encouraging it!!!!! LOL, jokes aside, I'll never forget the outrage over that fragman over "harassment" or "prostitution" of all things when the actual dinner scene lasted 3 minutes, Eda was being at the hotel the whole time, and the scene where people thought she was encouraging him was about her project. Almost 50 eps and you would ppl would learn how fragmans work.

The fragman was insanely misleading, but lots of them are, so you would think they would have figured it out by now, but nope! A large swath of people really embarrassed themselves with their complete over reaction to something that turned out to be nothing like they thought. 

Thankfully Serkan was entirely in the dark about how dire the situation was and why Eda was pushing him to make nice with Deniz, and only humored Deniz very unwillingly and then completely cut ties with her.  I think the best part was the least shocking twist ever... that the Serkan staying in her room line was an actual joke on the show. Come on, kids, it was pretty obvious to anyone with a brain that Serkan would never actually consider staying with her, and certainly not just days after he got married. Preposterous!   

Having said that, I do agree with people who think that Deniz being obsessed with him to that degree is dumb. There is a thread of misogyny and internalized misogyny (depending on which writers) running through the writing of these female guest characters who come in and absolutely shed all dignity, sanity and common sense when it comes to Serkan. Selin, Balca, the actress and Deniz.  Good grief. However, I just don’t care enough to get pissy. If that’s what they’ve come up with to fuel the jealousy trope that apparently is a must for Turkish dizis without having Serkan ever have eyes for anyone but Eda, then so be it.  

The formula is more than obvious by now, so I’m not sure why some folks made asses of themselves jumping to other conclusions. 

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[pakchoys]

rank the new who doctors?

i would very much like to YAY thank u!!! i’m gonna uh.... ramble. because i am excited to be asked. my personal list don’t take it too seriously

1. capaldi. i love him So Much. it breaks my heart so many ppl gave up before his run, or while it was still in its early stages. among dw fans who still watch the show he’s generally already considered an iconic doctor. you hear a lot of people saying they regret not appreciating him until he was gone which i 100% feel. he was a who fan his entire life (the fanmail he wrote as a teen is so cute) and he poured so much love into the role!!! maybe didn’t have the best writing at the start but he more than makes up for it with his fucking phenomenal acting ability and pure LOVE for the doctor’s character! his arc too is the most touching for me.... he’s the doctor who finally heals. he starts off so jaded and almost seems cruel. i think that’s why so many people were turned off from him initially. but, after watching his entire run, you realise that was set up for a masterful arc abt healing and kindness and learning to laugh again. the pure love between him and bill, his unrelenting faith in missy..... “laugh hard, run fast, be kind” is the best fucking dw quote don’t even LOOK at me

2. tennant. sad man runs around being sad, stands in rain, grieves over all that genocide he committed, generally looks like a kicked puppy at every given chance. we love to see it! his relationships with his companions make him so damn real, maybe the realest of all the new who doctors. i love him dearly. my favourite thing about him is that he does have terrible moments of arrogance and they’re called out and his arc is about acknowledging that he’s not all-powerful (waters of mars i loooove yoooouuu). i love to make fun of him and i also want to hug him

3. smith. funny, tumblr hates him lmao. most people i ask irl here in br*tain will either say tennant or smith as their fave in a 50/50 split (maybe favouring tennant slightly). matt was the first doctor that made me want to watch the show, age 7 and sitting down for his first ever ep :’) so he’s special to me i can’t help it!!! his first series, s5, is the most cohesive series in the whole of new who imo. it’s the series i always rec to ppl who wanna start the show bc it knows what it wants to do and generally all the episodes are mid to high tier doctor who (except the winston churchill daleks one, good fucking god). when i learnt that tennant is “the man who regrets” while smith is “the man who forgets” it helped me understand him much better.... he desperately wants to bury that past but he can’t run forever. his final episodes lose it a bit but i don’t think he deserves the distaste so many on here seem to have for him. his writing suffers from feeling a bit contrived so that’s probably part of it

4. eccelston. important thing to keep in mind is that he got only one series and in that time he made such an impression as his own doctor!!! if he had more time he’d probably be higher on my list. “just this once, everybody lives” stays in my mind RENT FREE... it sums up how painfully tired he is—the post-time war doctor, fresh with hopelessness and loss and he’s so elated to save everyone, just once, even if it never ever happens again. his hearts are so big and so are his ears :]

5. whittaker. she’s on the bottom of my list but that doesn’t mean i dislike her! i love her, actually! her first series however is the worst in the whole of new who because of its disaster writing, imo. worse than series 7, yes, bc at least series 7 had some fun episodes at the start. i seriously don’t believe that chibnall has a vision for the show, just a mish-mash of done before ideas he doesn’t know how to string together into a plot or characters that actually feel like family. but enough of chibnall, whittaker is so FUN as the doctor!!! she’s everything i wanted from a post-capaldi doctor, who ended his run choosing to be kind. whittaker continues that legacy by smiling and being a Literal Ball of Sunshine <333 although i was worried at first she wouldn’t get much depth beyond that, series 12 made my desire for her as the certified repression doctor CANON!!!! i have my issues with s12 but im so so excited for the upcoming series!

[zhuhongs]

Here’s my long ass review of TGCF that literally no one asked for it i have opinions and I have no one to tell them too so i must write them out and post them. (also part of this is abt the mdzs novel bc i can’t not compare them and I have a lot of thoughts abt that too)

This is very very long so it’s going under a read more. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so first off this book was a fucking behemoth i can’t believe i read all of that (minus the extras) in under a week.. what the fuck. I definetly got reading fatigue halfway thru book 3.

I’m gonna separate my thoughts into sections bc i  have a few points that don’t all relate

firstly, overall writing and organization:

I said it earlier but tgcf is a lot more structurally sound than mdzs imo. My biggest criticism of the MDZS novel (minus the bad sex scenes, homophobia, and general I hate mxtxness of it) was the way the flashbacks were presented. 

Like OH MY GOD they were presented so badly. I hated that the flashback was told intermittently and only when one of the characters invoked the past. For example, when WWX meets Jiang Cheng and a second time, Jin Ling distracts JC to release “Mo Xuanyu” bc he saved his life in the Nie Ancestral hall earlier. WWX then proceeds to be the self sacrificing dude he is and take away Jin Ling’s curse and put it on himself. When he escapes and returns to LWJ, LWJ offers to carry him.

 If you watched CQL, you know exactly what LWJ is referring to when he says smth to the effect of “You once offered to carry me too, remember.” HOWEVER in the novel you don’t know what he’s talking about. This is because the flashback wasn’t been revealed to you yet. The next chapter goes to tell the flashback. I think that this takes away all of the emotional depth away from the scene. But in CQL, having the flashback already be known, you make the connection on your own and are like “awww wangji remembers that.. even 16 years later.“ Its a lot sweeter bc you know what the two have gone thru. At this point in the MDZS novel its barely the 30th chapter or so and you have no real idea what wangxian have been thru together or what reasons wangji has for loving wwx. You just think, well obviously they like each other bc this is a danmei novel and they are the two leads, ofc they have to like each other. But in cql, you learn through watching them that they’re in love. It’s not just like”well they have to be!! its a bl!!”

Okay that was a rlly long side tangent but it makes me so angry. So what did any of that have to do with TGCF?? well tgcf doesn’t have this issue. In fact, i believe that it gains a lot from having the flashback withheld from the reader. 

I really liked how the flashbacks were contained to books 2 and 4 respectively because it adds a layer of mystery. Hua Cheng is a very secretive man so it makes sense for us to not know everything about him upfront. The way that the author teases and hints little things at you make you want to know more, making it all the more satisfying when the truth is revealed. Because in a way you Know that Hua Cheng meets Xie Lian before and you know that he’s the child XL saved during the God Pleasing Ceremony but you don’t know all the details. Like obviously since Hua Cheng is a ghost you know that he’s died and it was likely for Xie Lian or Xian le’s sake but you probably never expected that he actually died twice. Once on the battle field and second when he took the human face disease. I think the difference between these flashbacks and the flashbacks in MDZS result from the length. In TGCF you get two long concise flashbacks that make sense to be placed where they are. Book 2 because you already have a feel and hint at what the characters have been through and book 4 because the White No Face appears again so then you learn how he and Xie Lian met before. It wouldn’t make sense to place book 2 any earlier bc there is no emotional impact. And it doesn’t make sense to place book 4 earlier because you don’t know what the white no face’s deal is so it’d be confusing. In MDZS, you get numerous short flashbacks happening alongside the main story and it makes it hard to piece together the timeline in a way that feels satisfying. Ik a lot of ppl grill cql for having a confusing intro episode and having a rlly long flashback but its much better than the mdzs novel. However the mdzs donghua handles the flashback in the most concise way imo.

Overall i think the way the story is structured is very good and is a step up from mdzs. Also the horror aspects of tgcf are rlly enjoyable and honestly i think mxtx should just write short horror stories at this point. like enough long ass novels chock full of fetishization. just write some fun horror with no romance and call it a day.. pls

Side Characters:

okay so straight up, i think the side characters arent used as well as they were in mdzs bc mxtx wanted to focus on hualian and didn’t want to give the side characters as much focus. This is a weaker point of the novel.

I’ll get into it more below but i think hua cheng was done dirty as a character by having him rlly only care abt xie lian. Since he doesn;t have any real relationships with others outside of xie lian this takes away from having more depth in the side characters. They’re really only related as far as xie lian’s relationship with them. Though thankfully xie lian gets rather close with a few officials and the ones we get to see more of are rlly interesting. I especially loved the reconciliation of mu qing, feng xin, and xie lian at the end of book 5. honestly their relationship was one my favorites and i’m glad they finally said what they had to say to each other after 800 fucking years. Also Shi Qingxuan is a delight. we stan sqx in this house.

The characters i wish we had seen more of were yushi huang (although she didnt rlly want to be there, good for her), Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. I very much wish yizhen and yin yus story happened earlier on and we had more time with them. It felt strange to have their subplot occur towards the end and it was sort of out of place but i liked them a lot!! i wish there was more to it. and that there was a reconcilation but mxtx hates happy shidi’s doesnt she, (glares at novel jc). Also man yin yu did NOT have to die like that i’m sad.

Also, honestly.. i don’t think qi rong added to the story whatsoever and i have no clue why he and guzi were there. qi rong just pissed me off the whole time and added literally nothing.

going back to yushi huang, i’d like to say for the millionth time that i hate how mxtx uses any of her female characters. like we get it.. u hate women being useful... im still pressed but what i want to say has been said many times before so ill leave it at that.

Hualian:

I really really did like hualian at the end. They had a truly epic love story and it was so beautiful, especially when hua cheng repeated his words as wuming to xie lian as he started to disappear. But, I said it once and i’ll say it again. I don’t think Hualian is a super healthy relationship. As fiction its fine (i firmly believe fiction impacts reality but let me finish), i guess bc literally nothing about their situation can be replicated irl and none of it ended up containing manipulation or abuse or anything bad but there was a potential for it to and i’m really glad it didnt go that route.

Hualian is a highly idealized and romanticized relationship full of some truly troubling feelings of self worth. While its “beautiful” in a way that hc really was xls most devoted believer, it wasnt healthy for him to live for xl like this. Nor was it healthy for xl to feel so unworthy of hua chengs love.  

Hua Cheng’s devotion to Xie Lian is a little too extreme and it bothers me. When the truth was revealed abt the Temple of 10,000 Gods I had the same reaction as Mu Qing and Feng Xin. I was like... HEY WHAT THE FUCKK that’s a little uh... thats NOT HEALTHY,, dianxia PLEASE say smth. But ofc Xie Lian didn’t say fucking anything and and i was so pissed. Like the whole thing of Hua Cheng living his life solely for XIe Lian is really kinda fucked up and not romantic. I was holding out hope that at some point XIe Lian would sit him down and be like “Hey! I love you and i’m really grateful that all these years you’ve still believed in me when no one else did. But you can’t just live your life for my sake. You deserve love from many other other people and deserve to have a life and happiness outside of me. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to not only think of me.” or something to that effect

It bothers me that after Xie Lian learns the truth he doesn’t once reassure Hua Cheng that he didn’t have to make Xie Lian his reason for existence. Like.. idk i just think that’s rlly kinda unhealthy. Like I understand why Hua Cheng is so deeply devoted to Xie Lian-- he saved his life twice and was the only one to ever show him kindness and he’s seen xie lian suffer a fate worse than death multiple times. I get that he wants to protect him and make his life easier, but to not let anyone else into his life and spend 800 years looking for xie lian is just overkill. Like if the whole 10k statues thing never happened i’d be 100 percent fine with hualin but the whole devotion to that extent... uhhh yea.. no that put a bad taste in my mouth. Obsession should not be romanticised. I don’t think any reader of tgcf is going out and deciding to live like hua cheng obviously but still.

Also Side note, the whole 100 swords scene.. bro i felt for hua cheng, the way he screamed seeing that, i don’t blame him. I was so horrified reading that chapter. i don’t think i’ve been so horrified by a piece of media like that in a while. Poor fucking xie lian.. oh my god. I understand the intense reaction he had and how seeing that prompted such a degree of loyalty but still.. 10k statues?? the cave that mu qing and feng xin saw... thats a little too much obssession... like please.. dial it back.. im begging u.

I was talking to mary (liviahyes) and she said smth abt how Hua Cheng doesn’t have a character outside of xie lian. And she’s right, he kinda doesn’t. If Xie Lian didn’t exist neither would Hua Cheng. I get that that counds kinda romantic but in practice i don’t think its a good things. Especially because Xie Lian has a story outside of Hua Cheng, hehas goals, he has friends, he has something. Hua Cheng said it-- his only dream is Xie Lian. Which is romantic but very very unbalanced. 

THAT BEING SAID, i still rly liked their relationship and i think theyre cute they just have issues they need to work through. I mean they have time but yea. It wasn’t perfect but eh. overall i’m bitter bc they couldve been THAT COUPLE but theyre so many bad implications as mentioned above and i.. smh. They still have amazing moments. Like the lantern scene, the alter scene, the “what matters is you, not the state of you”, the end when hua cheng helps release the shackles on xie lian, the scene where hua cheng disappears, the way xie lian waited for him, like they were so close to being THAT COUPLE but then mxtx and her fujo ass just had to make it uncomfortable like that. i’m so bitter. Like the reason why i wrote out all of this is bc this novel could’ve been great but so many little things added up and made the experience far more sour than it shouldve been.

MXTX did hua cheng SO DIRTY by not giving him a character much outside of loving xie lian and being good at everything. Like when I first learned abt how Hua Cheng beat 33 heavenly officials at what they excel in best i was like WHO IS THIS LEGEND but honestly.. he rlly doesn’t have any motivations outside of helping xie lian and I wish he had more to him . Like if we had more situations like the one where hua cheng dug out his own eye to save the group of mortals on mount tong’lu then he’d have been a much more well rounded character. Honestly, that’s rlly the only instance where he seems to have taken xie lians ideals to heart. I wish we had more of that bc that scene was so cool. i wish it hadn’t been revealled so late and there was more than one occasion where he defends others (minus xie lian ofc) without anything for himself to gain that.

To contrast hualian with wangxian, i think wangxian work so well bc at their core, they have the same life goals and same ideas about people and the world. Where in hualian, xie lian has core principles and morals and hua cheng is just like, anything for xie lian. SMH they couldve been great but overall i think hualian falls flat for me because of my own fear of dating someone who doesn’t have a life outside of dating me. Moreso, my parents had this sort of unbalanced relationship towards the end of their marriage and it ended very badly and yea, i just can’t whole heartedly love relationships that in any way resemble this, even if it ends differently. that’s a personal thing tho.

I don’t think Hua Cheng has ANY bad intentions towards Xie Lian or ever will. I don’t think he’s ever manipulated xl or tried to force him to love him. But again, it’s my own personal feelings that makes me feel kinda.. ehh conflicted abt hualian. There was potential but again.. fujoshis ruin everything... smh. Overall i think the way it ended redeemed the issues it had but still there were issues and i really wish xie lian like,, reassured hua cheng about living his life freely at some point but whatever. 

IN CONCLUSION

TGCF had the potential to be better than mdzs, it rlly did but it was bogged down by the authors own toxic mentalities abt love, and mlm relationships, and treating women like ppl and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoyed this book, truly i did (otherwise i wouldn’t have stuck through and read 750k words of it) but there are some flaws that cannot be glossed over. I hope that tgcf when it does get adapted, goes through the same miracle that cql did and makes the characters more like ppl and less like tropes but i doubt it. Also i highly doubt that a live action tgcf is feasible given the supernatural aspects of the series but we shall see. I’m excited for the donghua when it eventual comes out but i will continue to be critical of the novel bc..well.. you see why. idk if i’d reccommend this book tbh bc like yes i would, no i would... well.. </3. yea. overall, it sure was something that i enjoyed in spades. especially the last 5 chapters. I generally liked it but had many issues with it at the same time, but honestly, yea thats the standard fair for a mxtx novel. 

[lividian]

Wat up, I'm here to bitch about stuff.

A good 90% of my life is straight pain and struggle right now. I spend every day trying to distract myself from how I'm feeling, whether that's through sitting on facebook watching slime videos for hours, doing schoolwork for even more hours, or doing regular things and pretending everything is fine. I try to make myself believe that I'm ok. Not say I'm never going to be ok, but I'm having a hard time dealing with all the shit life is throwing at me; has been throwing at me, for years.

I took off that mask yesterday, and I feel like I've been emotionally flayed. I'm raw and feeling all those little fragments of emotion I was protecting myself from, all at once. I've been in bed for the past 3 hours or so, thinkin about life and what mine is trying to teach me. Writing helps and I'm really open abt my mental health struggles, so I figured I'd pour it all out on here so maybe it could help someone or something.

A lot of my stressors include other people, so for their privacy, I'm going to use aliases.

Have you ever done something completely against your values/beliefs and wondered what underlying causes made you (re)act that way? I try to think about that often bc it tends to give new perspective and shed light on information necessary for changing those behaviors.

I had a tough childhood and now that I'm older, I can see the impact it's had on me for so long. Even things I can barely remember are reflected in my emotional responses and conscious decisions if I pay enough attention. Bc of the trauma and inconsistent relationship I had with my parents, I have varying degrees of trust issues, problems with relationships (platonic, familial, and romantic), and mental illnesses. I've struggled with behavioral problems for a long, long time. At one point, it was thought I had ODD because of the severity of some of my outbreaks.

Fortunately, some of my more unusual symptoms started showing up as early as 7. I had been placed in the custody of close family a couple years before that, who sought professional help when my depression and visual hallucinations first appeared. I was in counseling from that point on and began seeing psychiatrists at the age of 13, all of that lasted until I turned 19 and lost my medicaid.

Shortly after I started experiencing various mental health problems, I went into sort of a "dark age" and I don't remember much, like there's a big blind spot in my memories. There are some memories that survived and I've clung to, because I don't have much left from that time period. It lasted until about when I started taking psychiatric medications. And about that time, I started to experience extreme mood swings which resulted in damn near anything, from self harm and suicide attempts to violent outbursts and severe paranoia and delusions. These only increased in intensity until I was kicked out at the age of 17.

*I was hurt by that for a long time which fueled poor decision after poor decision, but I have forgiven both myself and my family bc all that anger and pain and guilt was doing was holding me back. I appreciate everything my family has done for me and I hold them very dear to my heart, especially in times of hardship.*

That's some back story for ya. A lot has happened since then, and maybe I'll talk about it some other time, but I'd really like to focus on the present.

My biggest source of pain currently is the fact that my daughter, Acacia, is in one state and I'm in another. I miss her terribly and every day I sit and think about how I've failed her. I want to be a source of joy for her, but right now she's hurting because her mother is gone and she doesn't understand why. We facetime, but she tells me that she doesn't like me and she's sad. It breaks my heart that she's dealing with such big emotions and I can't even be there to comfort her. But I'm also very grateful she's surrounded by people who love her and we can talk every day. It's really hard, and I'm usually in a lot of pain after we hang up, but I will always be there for her. I have to be the mother she needs me to be so I'm going to have to make some tough decisions. I'm not going to talk abt this anymore bc it's too much for me right now.

I'm in another state living with my husband, Onyx, and I feel utterly and completely alone. We left bc we were evicted back home and the only place we could go was his parents'. He shut me out a long time ago, but the homesickness is amplifying my feelings of isolation. Due to some of the toxicity in our relationship, I burned many bridges with friends and family, and aside from my 2 best friends (who I rarely talk to anymore) I have no one. Many days I beg Onyx for affection or communication or some semblance that he still loves me, but my efforts are futile. Weve been having the same fight for nearly half a year. I bring up something that's bothering me, and he becomes angry and says "it's always something", in some form or another I try to remind him that we have to work on the issues in our relationship at some point if we want things to get better, this is where he usually gets defensive and says something something along the lines of "I always need 'more or too much'". From that point, I've learned to just be quiet bc our problems are suddenly my fault and he will do everything in his power to deflect and shame if I try to get him to own up to his negative behaviors that hurt me almost every second.

I saw the red flags a long time ago, but I had hope. Hope that has now completely withered away bc I know he won't change, at least not anytime soon. I can see it in his face when I try to have any form of an adult conversation with him. The way he just barely squints his eyes while I'm talking, the smirk that I try to convince myself isn't real bc it's so slight, the overall look of complete apathy.

I've tried leaving before, several times and one period of 5 months, but I wanted to make things work bc we got married this year. He told me it would make me more consistent and I wouldn't feel like leaving all the time, but let me tell you, I feel like leaving all the time. I've told him about my plans to go back home, without him. I've told him I would stay if he would be a part of this relationship too bc I can't be with someone who is the source of so much of my pain. You know that saying, "you can't make someone love you if they don't want to"? It's true, fucking painfully true. I've found myself holding on to tiny shreds of hope here and there, making myself believe that he'll try in small gestures like a kiss or laying his head on me. But I've been doing that for too long. I have made sacrifices for him over and over to the point where I don't recognize myself anymore. I've stopped talking to wonderful ppl bc it made him uncomfortable. I'll admit it, I kissed a guy back the night after we decided to be mutually exclusive. I talked to an ex love interest for a period of time abt how I was struggling in my relationship w Onyx. But I apologized, owned up to those behaviors, and made changes. I don't deserve for those things to be held over my head and brought up in almost every fight bc yes, I fucked up, but I did what I had to do to fix things. At a certain point, you have to be accountable for how you let your hurt and anger manifest.

So now I'm leaving bc I have to get back to my daughter and get in a better environment, but I don't know how or when. Like I said earlier, I ruined a lot of relationships try to preserve the one that was ruining me. But I'm really stuck out here, I've never been able to hold a job in my working career, and even if I could, I'm also taking several online college classes (that's been a bitch too) so I can't work more than part time and even that would jeopardize my mental health. I'm really stuck and so frustrated and I'm sorry that this has been a super long post. Like I said, I'm just bitching about life. I know the most sucky situations bring about the most growth.

For those of you who are curious, my diagnoses are PTSD, atypical OCD, and persistent depression w mood incongruent psychotic features.

Also: Besides being a good talker, I'm also a great listener. If you're struggling right now, I'm here for u.

[critical--veins]

Answer all the get to know me questions :)

oh jeez tht’s so many I’m sorry u all have to scroll past this but I’ll do it for u anon 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I genuinely don’t even remember my hands r lonely

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

SO SHY3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my familyyyy & best friend when I go home for spring break :)4. Are you easy to get along with?

yah man I’m chill with everyone5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yes ! (I hope)6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I like ppl who are genuine & kind!7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nooooo (I wish but no)8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

this boy I’ve been talking to on & off cause he wants to see me when I come home :)) 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not usually I guess it depends who it’s with tho10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend paulina last night at 2am after getting back from a party lol11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“yah girl what’s up”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

quixoticelixer- red hot chili peppers

hello euphoria- turnover

all my friends- knocked loose

hurt- trophy eyes

control- citizen 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

UH HUHHH 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I mean this is an interesting question bc in the universe things happen that seem lucky or miraculous but are just due to chance so in a way yes, but NO15. What good thing happened this summer?

I met my family in honduras for the first time & they were so amazing16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ooooh this questions fun idk maybe!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

ABSOLUTELY18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope19. Do you like bubble baths?

hell yah soak me up 20. Do you like your neighbors?

my across the hall neighbors in my dorm building are mean21. What are you bad habits?

NEVER LEAVING MY BED22. Where would you like to travel?

alaskaaaaa I wanna hike around denali 23. Do you have trust issues?

a little24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

all26. What do you do when you wake up?

sigh rlly dramatically27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

I wish I had pretty pale skin, but I like being tan too! so both28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my little sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope30. Do you ever want to get married?

OH YES SO BAD31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Harry Styles for sure, Awsten Knight from waterparks is also v dreamy33. Spell your name with your chin.

L.JCYH (mood) 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I used to be a cheerleader !! (I competed so miss me with that not a sport shit) 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

OH YES37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I don’t break awkward silences bc IM AWKWARD38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone smart! also just someone who can be chill all the time I hate fights & pettiness so like idk just be chill39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I luv going into furniture & decor shops like home goods or kirklands lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?

 I’m in college rn studying to be a conservation biologist!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

no some people are genuinely bad42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

usually nothing bc I’m always quiet lol43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah sometimes!44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space 100%, I wanna see the earth from outer space I think that would be the most life changing experience!!45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

fuckin class I need to earn my degree46. What are you paranoid about?

never finding the love of my life 47. Have you ever been high?

yah like once lol48. Have you ever been drunk?

oh yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

nah50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey!51. Ever wished you were someone else?

every FUCKING day52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

one thing?53. Favourite makeup brand?

I dont rlly have one! but I guess I use a lot of it cosmetics 54. Favourite store?

there’s this record store called the sound garden & I used to go to it in baltimore all the time cause I live like an hour from there, THEN I FOUND OUR THEIR OTHER LOCATION IS IN SYRACUSE WHERE I GO TO SCHOOL so like idk I love that store cause it’s my lil home connection

55. Favourite blog?

too many! ily all56. Favourite colour?

green :)57. Favourite food? 

MAC & CHEESE TILL I DIE58. Last thing you ate?

toaster waffles I didn’t even toast I just microwaved bc I’m lazy59. First thing you ate this morning?

the toaster waffles60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yeah I’ve won a photography contest & a poetry contest, and I got second in an art show for my dorm lol61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I was suspended in the 6th grade for telling a boy I wanted to punch him in the face lmaoooo 62. Been arrested? For what?

nooo63. Ever been in love? 

I don’t think so 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

fucking awful cause it was new years eve so I knew it was coming but I didn’t rlly want to, so the nerves just built & built the whole night so yeah not good not good at all65. Are you hungry right now?

nahh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

ya’ll don’t talk to me (the ones that do I luv u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?

both!69. Are you watching tv right now?

no70. Names of your bestfriends? 

maddie & brandon71. Craving something? What?

affection always72. What colour are your towels?

blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

nah74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I don’t think I have any anymore75. Favourite animal?

BEARS I WANT A BEAR TATTOOED ON ME RN76. What colour is your underwear?

dark grey77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough every time79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black 80. What colour pants?

no pants! all day long!81. Favourite tv show?

friends is one of my faves, but I also rlly love rick & morty which is a lil embarrassing but it’s the best

82. Favourite movie?

ya know I don’t rlly have a fav movie83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

the goth bitch janis 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush the sea turtle is the best character87. First person you talked to today?

a BOYyyyy who I’m rlly into 88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend paulina!89. Name a person you hate?

lol this girl me & my friend just started going out with, she’s so awful & we’re trying to figure out how to cut her off without being mean :/ 90. Name a person you love?

my parents91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself?92. In a fight with someone?

nope93. How many sweatpants do you have?

I have like 5 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANy95. Last movie you watched?

I watched nerve but I didn’t rlly like it lol96. Favourite actress?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯97. Favourite actor?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯98. Do you tan a lot?

not rlly but I tan easily so I don’t have to99. Have any pets?

I HAVE 3 CATS & THEY’RE ANGELS100. How are you feeling?

sleepyyyy101. Do you type fast?

yah 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes103. Can you spell well?

I tell myself I can but actually probably not104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah my friend from last year who I kinda drifted apart from I miss her a lot105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yeah106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes whoops 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

YEAH I LOVE TRAIL RIDES 108. What should you be doing?

writing my speech for my public presentations class & studying lol109. Is something irritating you right now?

no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah 111. Do you have trust issues?

a little112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I mean my friend emily but I was laugh crying113. What was your childhood nickname?

 my friends in middle school called me Lulu lmaooo 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah I go to school out of state!115. Do you play the Wii?

no I used to tho116. Are you listening to music right now?

yah dude listening to being as an ocean rn 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yup118. Do you like Chinese food?

I fuckin LOVEEE chinese

119. Favourite book?

idk I haven’t read for pleasure in a rlly long time 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes lol121. Are you mean?

no I try to be kind as fuck122. Is cheating ever okay?

noooOoOooo123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

nOOOOOOO124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

NOOOOOOOOOO125. Do you believe in true love?

yah I want to126. Are you currently bored?

yesssss127. What makes you happy?

sunday phone calls with my parents128. Would you change your name?

nah my names pretty unique I’ve never rlly met another Lucy 129. What your zodiac sign?

leo!130. Do you like subway?

yah subways dank131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uhhhhhhh idk that’d be weird132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend Paulina 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”when I sit alone come get a little known but I need more than myself this time”

snow by rhcp is like one of my fav songs of all time & I just love that line idk 134. Can you count to one million?

who would ever135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I DON’T LIE TO PPL BITCH136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed ew wtf who sleeps with their door open137. How tall are you?

4′10138. Curly or Straight hair?

curlyyyy139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette140. Summer or Winter?

summer absolutely141. Night or Day?

BOTH 142. Favourite month?

I like may cause the weather is nice & also I get to go homeee143. Are you a vegetarian?

no I’ve given up meat for a while tho & it wasn’t bad! also I eat vegan some days just bc I like doing it but I love mac & cheese too much for that shit (I know vegan mac & cheese exists but easy mac) 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

I didn’t leave my bed so yah147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

anything carl sagan has said ever I fucking love him but one of my faves is from pale blue dot that says

”The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.”149. Do you believe in ghosts?

idk I’ve never had a ghost experience but I like the idea of it so sure150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The plant cell typically consists of a more or less rigid cellwall and a protoplast.”

It’s the textbook for my plant evolution class lmaooo 

tht deadass just took me so long lol thanks for occupying me for like an hour

[dreamlike-remade]

92 truths

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you, at the end choose 25 people to be tagged

i was tagged by @tominlou and @iconichalo to do this and i Love!!! these kinda things tbh so thanks guys

LAST:

last drink: water

last phone call: my mom

last text message: “EVERYONE IS LEAVING AND MY BUTTHOLE WONT STOP” .......

last song you listened to: i have friends in holy spaces - p!atd

last time i cried: wednesday night

HAVE YOU EVER:

dated someone twice: yes

been cheated on: yes

kissed someone and regretted it: lmao yes

lost someone special: yes

been depressed: uhhhhhh can’t remember when i wasn’t

been drunk and thrown up: yep!

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

made a new friend: yes!!!

fallen out of love: wasn’t in love to fall out of it

laughed until you cried: no i’ve never actually

met someone who changed you: i’m gna say yes bc different experiences with different ppl helped me grow as a person

found out who your true friends are: yes tbh

found out someone was talking about you: do siblings count? lmao

GENERAL:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: @tominlou bc she’s my sister

do you have any pets?: yes!!!!!! i say i have 2 even tho one of them isn’t technically mine but i love her so much so idc

do you want to change your name?: someday i wanna change it legally

what time did you wake up this morning?: 7:45

what were you doing last night?: uhhh watching degrassi with vas

name something you cannot wait for: louis to announce his tour

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes actually that’s an interesting story

what’s getting on your nerves rn?: my dumbass sleep schedule and not being able to fall asleep unless i’m about to die from exhaustion

blood type: no idea

nickname: parents call me bub/bubby sometimes

relationship status: happily taken

zodiac sign: scorpio

pronouns: they/them

favorite tv show: friends

college: whomst

hair color: rly dark brown

do you have a crush on someone: i’m in love with my gf does that count

what do you like about yourself: my sense of humor

FIRSTS:

first surgery: never

first piercing: my ears technically but they wouldn’t stay pierced so they’re Gone

first sport you joined: basketball

first vacation: california!! disney land

first pair of sneakers: ???

RIGHT NOW:

eating: nothing

drinking: nothing

i’m about to: sleep

listening to: slow hands - niall horan

want kids: ya i want a son Right Now (not actually but dlvksjifjdjdnsjfjs)

get married: yes someday

career: i wanna be a therapist

WHICH IS BETTER:

lips or eyes: i like my s/o to have both

hugs or kisses: hugs!

shorter or taller: usually taller but i actually don’t rly care i just have an issue with feeling Too Big

older or younger: doesn’t matter as long as the age gap isn’t too big

romantic or spontaneous: uhhhhh romance can be spontaneous right? so both

sensitive or loud: sensitive but vas is loud passionate and i love that about her

hook up or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant ig????? idk what this means

HAVE YOU EVER:

kissed a stranger: yes.......

drank hard liquor: uh yeah

lost contacts/glasses?: yep lmao

sex on first date: no thanks

broken someone’s heart: i don’t know tbh i don’t think but i’m not 100% sure

been arrested: nah

turned someone down: uhhh yes

fallen for a friend: yes definitely

DO YOU BELIEVE:

in yourself: lmao no

miracles: i wish i did

love at first sight: no but i believe in attraction and infatuation and chemistry at first sight

heaven: no idea it’s a cool concept though

santa claus: i wish i did

ok um? i guess i’ll tag @lesbianhoran, @jound, @sensitiv, @softwish, @frenchlouau, @louiechristmas, @principalgoats, @tomlinsontummy, @mysmollou, @ghostspf

u don’t gotta do it if u don’t want! jcisjcisjs also sorry if u were already tagged aaaaa

[misterbitches]

unpop opinionz abt bl or just my opinions. that may or may not be popular. stream of consci. no one has to care or read. i will  do this whenever i like or when i am drunk and/ or high. like now. i do tharntype + sotus, uwma, lbc, and MODC...and long ass writing and spoilers so if u stumble it aint my problem

tharntype:

some user on here blocked me cos i said rape is bad*. and it is. and it’s stupid. and not done right it has no place in these writers, who really cannot write, or producers hands. it’s easy for people to judge it because it allows itself to be judged. and bl doesn’t fix its own issues. it just keeps perpetuating. when you gain an ounce of respect for women mayhaps that will change and we fuck up all that misogynist shit in our brains (FREE YR MIND)

but anyways i skipped til like ep 6. i barely know what the storyline is and id ont care. it isnt that interesting. they’re not great actors but i like the look of that bigger one. together their chemistry is fun i wouldn’t say like....as deep as i would like but watching them is nice

(this is where the wife/husband thing is relevant. i watched 6 - 13 a lot. so the father saying “as long as you’re not the wife i’m ok with ur HOMOSEXUAL rship then” but it turns out his son was the “wife” and guess what? that’s gross. if you can’t write female characters then leave us out of it.)

anyway i can see why people didn’t watch it. i say skip everything and see how they are together. the skinnier one is not as good w like idk. being seductive? but he’s fun to watch lol. together they are nice. i really enjoyed watching their dynamic.

some of the kissing was a lot but not in a bad way. i think if they had a deeper connection i would feel it more. but i saw gifs of them and piqued my interest and i clicked(footnote 2)

 the actors as themselves and whatever their rship is fun to watch..i read some UNSAVORY things about one of the actors with another dude in another show but whatever.

hm what else....yea the show is ok. theyre not great actors. cute together. sometimes when they kiss there was way too much like breathing jesus christ shut up. they totally could have done some inverted tropes but they didnt bc why would they.

a...c? c-? i give it? maybe that. people who had some criticism for it were right (like me :P) idk why i got BLOCKED cos i was JUST SAYING. rape in a story for no reason or as a startoff for lust is ridiculous. disgusting. i wont ever shut up about it. it helps no one and doesn’t help the gay community (can go down a rabbit hole here, too)

C- (this is generous but D+ seemed kinda mean...)

sotus + sequel:

idk why but i’ve seen some things flaoting around about the light guy. idk if they are true or not. i did not like that. i saw this before i read those tho (abt him not being comfortable)

this is what im talking abt...and this is where gmmtv will fail. but most bls. they’re CLEARLY worth something. they make money. the actors are a draw for others. i am not a thai citizen nor a thai teen so but i am assuming many get popular. this is because there’s a formula that is almost always stuck to. i am guessing that the channel is a public broadcast (not an HBO type) so there has to be more censorship

i LOVE seeing what countries with less production $ or a more current industry, (like in SEA tho ppl hav ebeen making revolutionary art foreverrrrrr don tforget there’s more than dramas) create. there’s less money and stuff and maybe the editing isnt good or a certain way the drama is shown is very particular and not always appealing. i am nigerian, i respect that shit. nollywood is that shit too.

and as people ge tmore $ for prods or more public support they get better (i cannot emphasize how MUCH BETTER SOUND HAS GOTTEN FOR THAI SHOWS OMG dramas in general but)

so sotus kind of suffers from lower prod quality. but also the acting is bad. sorry it is. i like the darker guy (sorry im too lazy to google names but...singto? right? hes a good photographer) and he has gotten better or wil get better i think but. yea. terrible acting lol

also like...u can tell that other dude wasn’t totally comfortable or they just didnt know each other enough. i don’t know. it was very much two guys standing next to each other now like kiss once. the reluctance to show like affection even in private settings is BONKERS TO ME. literally it’s like these men have the most sterile rships and that is suchhhh an issue in BLs, particularly the thai i guess. 

tbh if the storyline was better and if they had more chemistry it would be better to me. i know ppl love it, i dont really get it lol...their kisses r ok...idk it’s like a waste of time. i’ve tried watching it like 1000000 times 

thats all i have for now 

*im oversimplfying. i think it was bc ppl were being harsh. but any excucses people want to use the fact is that....rape bad and that’s stupid ok. but it sucks cos i wanna rt their gifs sometimes but nope lMAO

i know im not wrong so...

lbc, uwma, modc: 

I LITERALLY CANNOT WATCH THESE ACTORS. I’M SORRY  I CANNOT. THEIR FACES MAKE ME FURIOUS OR THEIR ACTING. I DONT KNOW WHY. i am shocked i dont totally hate saint bc i abhorred the character in LBC and like. every ounce of it. i dont rly like taht small dude from uwma (the past s/l?) i just cant w his face, and modc...omfg....the guy was so fucking SICK LOOKING

this is where footnote 2 comes in: if i cannot handle ur fucking face i will hate the drama. the secondary char in tharntype like the highschooler? oh my god i wanted to die too but like. shit. i wouulda watched for teamwin but that was barely there. and i could not get through modc. the couple with the age gap is gross, and i lit cannt look at this hot-ass big guy making out with a stick that dies

i cant be the only one. i didn’t like uwma dude’s face in the other drama he was in either. i like him as a person. maybe if i could see him do something else. ...

oh this is also why the first 2 moons....i hated...pha’s....whole.....existence. his face, his attitude, fuck. maybe it’s the playing up the femininity part of someone but then having them being a fuckin doormat. sad cos in lbc and modc the main love interests i like. but they’re also stupid. and just. god. stupid fuckin rships.

too much emphasis is put on love as The Thing but they can’t even exhibit love the way they should. idk what im SAYING IT’S JUST WORDS

had sth else to jot down but i forgot i may update this and remind meself

[v-le]

Kdrama: Tomorrow With You Review

Forewarning: There are moments within this review in which I sort of abandon any sense of professionalism, oops. Enjoy! *images to be added soon.

The OTP

Same age in real life omg I've never seen a pair so perfect.

NO SECOND LEADS. I absolutely love it when the focus is only on the mains, with no pointless distractions or love triangles that go no where. I love it. i rly do

cute cute cute cute times a million

They honestly looked like a legitimate couple, I feel like I could spot several moments when they even broke through their actual characters and ad-libbed it out or something

Many people were also complaining about how slow (I assume they meant relationship progression???) it was, and got annoyed over their "back-and-forth-ness"?? honest to god, yes they were so beautiful that I barely noticed it. But also, it was so logical to me, the process they went through in which they lied to each other & then failed to communicate until later. Like, it didn’t piss me off because it made sense...? I didn’t see anything wrong with it? It went a little like: 

Yoo So-joon hits on her because he knows how they’re connected by death.

He tries to shake her off, but realizes who she really is (a fellow survivor).

He becomes interested again.

THEY FCKING GET MARRIED in FCKING EP 4 IF THAT IS SLOW TO U, THEN STFU AND GTFO

He obvi don’t love her fully, but she’s already heads over heels

She feels suspicious af and he doesn’t tell her stuff (that even his friends know). And he gets angry easily while he tries to protect his ppl, but keeps his secret hidden.

She got sick and he pulls off his romantic but materialistic resolution.

He opens up to her a little bit more and they cry it out.

He makes a wrong move again and then is basically forced to reveal his secret.

She’s like what the actual fuck is wrong with you, but comes to terms with it.

They get closer, but she feels empty because she rly don’t know much about him and he is as careless as ever.

Her heart breaks over the reality of him disappearing so easily.

So-joon is slowly realizing the future that’s in store for them.

Tries to call it quits and play noble idiot, but she won’t take his fake, snarky ass.

So they make up and he really really really realizes that he must change the future, no matter what. He has nothing left for her him but her.

He tries hard. but doesn’t try hard enough.

By the time he disappears & she waits for two years, they are basically one heart.

By the time they reunite they are the cutest couple in the world.

I think a big issue people had with So-joon’s character was that "he didn’t love her" when they got married, but I think that wording is extremely misleading and not entirely accurate. Yes, I don’t think that at that point he could say "I love you" to her with sincerity, but it’s not like he flat out was disgusted by her or hated her…?? It was more like, he was not fully aware of what he was getting himself into, by getting married. Not just to her, but the concept of marriage and the commitments that come with it in the first place. That was what he was not on board with, which is how he may have come off as indifferent. But we all knew that Song Ma-rin would change him for the better because the ones with flawed intuition always get taught a good lesson or two from their loved ones.

DO U KNOW how MaNY times he was shirtless WITh HEr?????

I swear I think I counted properly, but they kissed like 9+ times and probably hugged like 15+ times like omfg I’m pretty sure that is a record

Can I also just mention that for me, when a couple wipes each other's tears, like when one of them actually takes their fingers and smushes the falling teardrops, that is just game set. To me, that solidifies their relationship as one where 1) they aren’t embarrassed to cry in front of each other 2) they care enough to show tender affection for each other 3) they sympathize together. And that is exactly what they did. MORE THAN ONCE excuse me.

The Plot

A lot of people complained about the various flaws within the actions of the characters and the mechanics of time-travelling. Honestly… like I mentioned earlier, since the OTP was so convincing to me, the holes in logic kinda flew past my head. Like, I didn’t dissect them too deeply because I was so distracted, or I just didn’t bother

Don’t you see that their progression only felt natural?? You start out with one side that is overconfident about the commitment as if he’s strolling through a park while the other is lovestruck, but always smart enough to know when bullshit is going on, and is never afraid to call the other out for it. It only took a matter of time for them to find real and genuine appreciation for each other, and it was worth it.

"WTF were you thinking moments" & justification:

So-joon letting Song Ma-rin go home by herself while Kim Young-jin was still lurking. Ok I have no solution to this like you honestly....DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM AHJUSSHI THAT YOU BASICALLY GOTTA STICK TO THE PERSON LIKE GUM IF YOU WANT THEM TO BE SAFE?? U HAVE TO HAVE THEM IN UR SIGHTS AT ALL TIMES.

So-joon getting onto subway and ultimately getting stabbed. Ok, he even said himself that he wanted to catch him with his own hands because if he doesn’t now, he'll get away and who knows how much more havoc he could wreak? The police would do no good being there blatantly, and so he had to hold out since he was the bait anyway. He just should’ve been smarter with defense, like c’mon man let’s not get cocky with your fighting skills now.

So-joon letting her run onto the street. Ok yes, he def should’ve reacted faster and realized what kinda danger she would be in after being aware of it for like 2 years aiya. But I assume it was a spur-of-the-moment, blinded happiness kinda thing. They were cute af and they were happy and like who really thinks that hard y’know???

So-joon just bracing himself and Ma-rin for the car crash. He was facing their deaths, I assume. Yes, they could’ve just jumped out of the way, but at the same time, he had already mentioned that he just wanted to enjoy the small moments they have together, instead of always trying to cheat and change fate. If they were meant to die in that moment, he was going to take it as is. (which is lightweight greedy bc wb marin???? but whateves lol).

I really do think that the story-line was extremely tightly woven to begin with. Even up until episode 16, we saw scenes from episode 1, and vice versa; everything fell into place perfectly and the details were down to each minute of their lives. Everything was very clearly thought out and i felt like they picked and pulled at certain pieces at the proper times and revealed others at the most crucial of times, too. Props to the writing team for creating such a complex & dynamic web of characters and events that spanned nearly 3 decades.

The Cinematography

Stunnnningggggg. Especially that iconic moment in episode 1 when he pulled her out of the path of an oncoming truck and talked to her for the first time, like the way the sunlight was hitting the camera, it was just something else I swear.

Overall, the colors were warm and fluffy, but the future def always looked more bleak and dry and dark.  Beautiful dualism with a strong impact.

Also can I just mention that when So-joon disappears, it’s also very mystifying, the fast wisps are quite a touch.

Also ngl the couple themself was extremely aesthetic; like they are both very attractive people & when attractive people cuddle a part of you kinda just dies inside, y’know??

The Emotions

Ok I admit that my reactions were probably overboard because I was so attached

but straight up this is the kind of drama my heart was searching for.

I always love it so so so so much, (although realistically speaking, it’s only fantasy ones that can pull this off w/o it being some noble idiocy shit) when the force that is keeping a couple apart is a force that is greater than themselves. It’s more than them just choosing to not be together. It’s them wanting so desperately to be together, but circumstances, in the best kind, life and death ones, prevent them from doing so. The reason I like these kind of situations so much is seriously because that’s where all the love comes out. The pain of love.

It was so so so soooooo excruciatingly painful to watch So-joon and Ma-rin's future unfold the exact way he saw it would. It tore me to pieces because I could feel Ki-doong's hopelessness from losing his best friend to a murderer, Ma-rin's deathly painful heartbreak from simply NOT knowing what in the world is going on or what will happen (and for her dad to tell her to move on), but just having to wait, and So-joon's very own inability to fix it all. Oh dear lord watching him visit her grave in the future where she no longer exists, that shattered my sanity because it hurt so much.

I literally cried in the smallest of moments. When he disappeared in front of her eyes, I burst into tears along with her because her crying was so beautiful (yes, actually tho), but at the same time, I felt it deep down inside. It felt trivial, to cry over that one moment, but it also meant so much more than that. It represented a real fear of losing your loved one, and o dear lord i can’t.

Like I said, the heartbreak was everything I’ve been wanting. It felt so raw. In those moments where even he cried because he was so scared for the future (after eating in the tent with ahjusshi, calling ahjusshi on the phone in the cafe, reading her letters sent to him from her past self), knowing how much was on the line, and how much he just wanted it to be okay, it hurt so much because I had so much hope along with him. I honestly didn’t expect them to allow their future to play out the exact way he saw it; I rly thought that they’d pull some plot twists because that’s what dramas do......... and so when everything really did unfold painfully, my heart was unprepared and it tore apart. Even though I knew that they would be together in the end no matter what, I didn’t know how, and everything still hurt like fking crazy.

I know a drama does it right when I can feel the pain physically in my own chest. When it suddenly feels so heavy and ache-y that I kinda wanna give up in life a little bit. That's when a drama pulled the right strings & carved a good-sized void in my heart.

The Special Connections

I, tbh only decided to watch this because I found out that Kim Feel, my eternally favorite musician, sang an OST for it, and I was feeling extra down from his military enlistment. What a beautiful gem he brought me to. When his voice played at the still frames in the ends of some episodes, my heart filled with this indescribable sort of happiness and longing.

The "seoul station" that So-joon refers to is actually called Si-cheong station, one I manage to catch a geofilter for back when I was in Korea!!!!!!!!!!! It was an exciting discovery, to find out that the exact route So-joon takes back and forth is one that I have traveled on myself.

Idk if this really has to do with anything, but the director also directed Oh My Ghostess and King of High School, so everyone kept saying that this drama would be a rom com BUT BOY WAS THAT SHIT DARK AS F*CK IDK WHAT Y’ALL HAD IN MIND BUT like, no no, no, that was nowhere close to the other 2 dramas he made. It was a beautiful change of atmosphere nonetheless.

The Message

The fact that Ma-rin is a photographer speaks volumes. For a man who is infatuated with the future and has lost focus of the present, just one photograph can speak volumes. A photograph captures the present and instills a moment in time. For Marin, this is what her life's work depended on; this is what she lived by. Capturing the present and cherishing individual seconds in time. And for So-joon, this is exactly the kind of person he needed to save him from himself and his future selves. So so so beautifully laid out.

Even just the ending line: "today". Like akjfkjdagkahkgdhlanjak, if you don’t get the message from this then you are just... idk wtf you’ve been watching LOL. Granted, the drama is called "Tomorrow With You", but clearly that is not what they are tryna get at. That was the theme throughout the entirety of the drama with So-joon being an apprehensive wuss, but the reality of it is to face the present, and live for a today with you. Love love love <3

Favorite Moments

When he asks "So... do you like me?" and she replies "Was there ever a time when I didn't????" LIKE IDK something about the trivial-ness of both statements yet how deep they hit home.... like obviously, they like each other or else they wouldn’t have gotten so far. But the fact that he had a need to reiterate that, and the fact that she was like "dude have I not made myself clear how much I like u" like that is just so adorably cute and squishy goals to me omggg.

When she sniffs him as they walk home from dinner and giggles and says "Hehehe husband smell" OMG WHY R THEY SO FREAKING CUTE I JUST--.

When he disappeared right before her eyes, it shattered everything in me.

When he grabbed her and saved her from the accident, it was one 2-sec move that altered entire lifetimes, for better or for worse. It was beautifully shot, despite it being an extremely cliche move. It’s okay. It was gorgeous and it’s def my favorite wrist grab to date LOL.

When he started crying because he saw the car accident on the news and he legit was dropping tears, but she laughed it off and hugged him and her smile was so sweet and innocent but he’s legit in agony and it was just so cute and heartbreaking at the same time LIKE HONESTLY that phrase is what describes this drama in a nutshell. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Despite its flaws, this drama was honestly what I’ve been looking for so so so long. It’s definitely not my number 1 because there were things it could’ve done better, and each episode did not stand out like a number 1 drama should have, but it definitely tore me to pieces, out of joy AND despair. I loved it to bits and I will never forget this gorgeous couple and their journey that transcended time.

[transssexualheart]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll

1- what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpaper?my phone has pictures of my friends and my desktop is still dan avidan i keep forgetting to change it

2- have you ever had a crush on a teacher?no

3- what as your last text message?sent? it was “me too”

4- what do you see yourself doing in ten years?probably dying

5- if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?in someone’s arms

6- what was your coolest halloween costume?uhh probably last years even tho it wasn’t that great bc i made it myself and had a styled wig and everything

7- what was your favorite 90s show?i was not alive in the 90s

8- who was your last kiss?still zee

9- have you ever been stood up?no

10- favorite ice cream flavor?strawberry or cotton candy

11- have you ever been to las vegas?no

12- your favorite pair of shoes?probably my pink ones they’re soft and have tiny one inch platforms

13- honestly, have you ever cheated on a significant other?no

14- what is your favorite fruit?watermelon or strawberry

15- have you ever talked to anyone on tumblr that your could see yourself dating/having sex with? if possible?well i mean one of my exes i met over tumblr so it’s not a wild concept to me but currently i’m not like,,, interested in others

16- are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?long term

17- do you smoke? if so, what?no

18- what do you do to get over your anger?rant about it on this blog or sometimes to a friend i guess

19- do you believe in god?idk man

20- does the person you’re in love with know it?yeah

21- favorite position?sleeping

22- what’s your horoscope sign?leo

23- your fears?being abandoned, myself sometimes, everyone secretly hating me, never being loved, etc

24- how many pets do you have? what kind?three, a cat and two fish

25- what never fails to turn you on?uhhhhhh

26- your idea of a perfect first date?idk uh,, get food maybe hold hands a little 

27- what is something most people don’t know about you?idk,, i guess most people don’t know what i look like during a full on breakdown that i’m not trying to disguise

28- what makes you feel the happiest?hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

29- what store do you shop at most often?i dont shop a lot

30- how do you feel about oral? giving and or receiving? never gave or received, both sound good to me tho

31- do you believe in karma?idk

32- are you single?yeah

33- do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? the best way to apologize is to mean it and not expect forgiveness if you really fucked up and to be genuine and honest and if you do those things it shouldn’t really matter whether you choose flowers or candy

34- are you a good swimmer?i mean,, i won’t drown

35- coffee or tea?tea

36- online shopping or shopping in person?i do both

37- would you rather be older or younger than your current age?i’d prefer to keep my age so i don’t fuck up the timeline of my life thank u very much

38- cats or dogs?how can i choose

39- are you a competitive person?i don’t think so

40- do you believe in aliens?yes

41- do you like dancing?don’t really do it much 

42- what kind of music do you listen to?many kinds, mostly anything but country

43- what is your favorite cartoon character?how can i choose just one

44- where are you from?albany

45- eat at home or eat out?eat out

46- how much more social are you when you’re drunk?i’ve never been drunk

47- what was the last thing you bought for yourself?i don’t remember

48- why do you think your followers follow you?idk actually why do u guys follow me

49- how many hours do you sleep at night?it varies, sometimes like ten sometimes none

50- what worries you most about the future?i pretty much rely on the fact that i’ll probably die before it matters but if i don’t die i’ll have no idea what i’m doing

51- if you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?not very, i’m not friends with myself tho so

52- are you happy with yourself?no, never really have been

53- what do you wish you didn’t know?i don’t know

54- what big lesson could people learn from your life?i guess,, not to take people for granted 

55- if you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?what

56- what’s your favorite website?i visit this hellsite most often i guess

57- what’s the habit your proudest of breaking?the only habit i could think of that i broke was biting my nails

58- what was your most recent trip of over 50 miles?idk how many miles i travel bc i don’t drive

59- what’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?idk

60- what do you order when you eat chinese food?sweet and sour chicken and white rice 

61- if you had to be names after one of the fifty states what would it be?no

62- if you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?alright so there are three things that i feel like i’m able to do well those three things are draw, write, and play pokemon and i’m a failure at everything else i do so probably an art class or creative writing class

63- favorite kind of chips?i like doritos

64- favorite kind of sandwich?grilled cheese

65- which do you use more often, dictionary or thesaurus?dictionary

66- have you ever been stung by a bee?yeah, only once, and i have a history of not fucking eating for whole days and that was one of those days and i guess the sting just triggered the dehydration and all that and i got really dizzy and my legs gave out and my mom had to carry me home

67- what’s your favorite form of exercise?my what now

68- are you afraid of heights?more afraid of what i’d do to myself than the height itself

69- what’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?eight grade science, i had a bunch of friends in that class and we hated the teacher at the time and the shit he did and we were constantly like going insane and here’s the main reason: my mom went to school with that teacher and she managed to find a fuckin. story that he wrote in 11th grade and she showed it to me and my god it was so bad and the main character was such a self insert and i was like “oh my god this is amazing” and you know what i fuckin did? u know what i did? i decided to make c o p i e s of the story so i could bring it into school and show my friends. so i had like ten copies and we gave one to my friend kevin however. we gave it to him DURING science class. so instead of doing his work kevin is sitting back there reading this story and laughing at it and the teacher is like “what are you doing kevin?” and kevin, instead of putting it away and being like “my work”, was like “oh i’m reading your 11th grade story” and at this point i’m like “oh fuck” and then the teacher asked where he got it and he points to me and i’m like “OH FUCK” so he comes over and asks where i got it and i’m like “surprise my mom went to school with you” and he’s like “i haven’t seen this story in years” and guess who’s like “DO U WANT A COPY” and reaches over me and into my backpack to pull out a fuckin copied version :^) anyway that day was wild some girl i never talk to who didn’t even know my dead name let alone my actual name came up to me asking for a copy

70- what’s your favorite breakfast?pancakes or waffles

71- do you like guacamole?no

72- have you ever been in a physical fight?no

73- what/who are you thinking about right now?um

74- do you like cuddling?yes

75- are you holding onto something you need to let go of?can we not have this conversation over tumblr’s ask system thanks

76- have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?i live with myself every day lmao

77- favorite city you’ve been to?nyc!!

78- would you break the law to save a family member?probably

79- talk about an embarrassing moment?me, as a person

80- are there any causes you strongly believe in?idk

81- what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?not sure

82- fav day of the week?none

83- do you consider yourself sexually open minded?idk what that means

84- how do you feel about porn?i don’t watch it really, but if that’s your thing then it’s your thing

85- which living celebrity would you like to know?idk

86- who was your hottest ex?it’s hard for me to like,, determine that because my sexual attraction to someone usually isn’t there until i start liking them romantically (in most cases, there’s people i never liked romatically but found attractive or people i found attractive before i liked them but that’s not the case with anyone i actually dated) and it disappears when i don’t like them romantically anymore so ???? also rude question especially considering at least two of my exes follow me here

87- do you want/have kids?don’t have them, might have them but that’s dependent on whether or not my partner is able to take care of kids i’m not gonna have kids if i know that my partner can’t be a good parent to them. also still not sure if i want them myself

88- has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?no

89- do you get easily distracted?hell yeah

90- ass or titties?why… choose…..

91- what is your favorite word?to use in writing, probably “gentle”. to use in speech, probably “fuckin”

92- how do you feel about tattoos?i want a lot, i have two

93- do you have any pets?this was already a question?

94- how tall are you? 5′5

95- how old are you?14

96- 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?i don’t get complimented on specifics, the most i get it usually like “you look nice today” or sometimes ppl say they like my makeup but that’s not a physical feature of mine

97- is there anything you’re really passionate about?i love,, the jims and the piano

98- do you have trust issues?idk, i don’t let most people see me cry or see me having a breakdown and i only really trust a few people with most stuff and it’s usually because there was something that happened in the past that allowed them to already know stuff like that and they were good about it and i was like “oh, then they’ll be alright about it and i don’t have to explain myself to them because they already know” but?????

99- do you believe in love at first sight?god no, what if they’re a dick?? u can’t judge a book by it’s cover. also i think that now i’ll have to know someone pretty well to start liking them because of past and current events

100- what are some words that you live by? why? i don’t have a specific quote or anything but. if you love someone tell them. i’ve said this before, and i don’t mean specifically romantically in fact in some cases you should keep that to yourself so no one is made uncomfortable but like. tell your mom or your best friend or your dad or your grandma that you love them because they could be gone real soon or you could be gone real soon and they should know that you love them before that happens

thank u for asking

[bb-bambam]

question tag

thanks for tagging me @yieniall i love u so much!!! i tag @jacksonwangtastic @jongdaesi @jongins-laugh @cutepimook @jungkookies-cookie only if u want to do it ofc!!

1| how old were you when you had your first kiss?

15 rip lmao 2| What made you decide to have a tumblr blog? for my main blog: soccer and merlin (the tv show) tbh lmaooo and for this blog it was the fact that someone told me 2 tag all my kpop and i was like lmao okay time to Make A New Blog 3| Been depressed: y e a i’m really really trying to overcome this but obvi it’s not easy and there are some rly hard days expecially considering i’m not at home where i can get support from ppl who i trust to talk abt these types of things 4| how many people have you fist fought? lmfaoooo none 5| do you want to have kids? how many? sure do!! probably 2 or 3 !! 6| Do you want to change your name: nah i’m okay with my name 7| Right or left handed: right 8| do you have piercings? how many? my ears (just one in each) and my nose (left nostril)! 9| who was the last person you cried in front of? lmfao one of my college friends bc we watched train to busan and i completely couldn’t handle it i cried 3 times 10| do you believe in soulmates? ya!! i love the idea and i fully believe that everyone has a half that they can find somewhere, whether it be platonic or romantic

11| Zodiac sign: by birth gemini but by personality/temperament/everything else cancer lol! 12| Do you have a dream job? not particularly but i do like the idea of doing smth for nasa or some space-related program someday

13| A crush: there’s this rly cute girl who i literally have never talked to in my life nor do i know her name but she’s so ideal i always catch myself staring at her when i see her walking around campus lmao 14| What do you like about yourself: my hair!!! it’s rly super long rn and i want to cut it but i also don’t bc i’m proud of how i’ve maintained it for so long!! 15| Right now eating: nothing lmaoo it’s 10 pm!! 16| who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? avani of Course 17| Height: 5′5″ 18| what is/are/were your best subject(s)?

math (especially calc 3 which i LOVE LOVE LOVE), physics, spanish (?? somehow), chem, bio (i hate both chem and bio tho lmfao)

19| Met someone who changed you:

does avani count lol i would say probably my best friend bc he really has helped me a lot especially when i was recovering from my worst period of depression and to this day i’ve never met another person who i connect with so well and who i can talk to the way i can with him and idk we’ve gone through our ups and downs but i trust him with my life and idk it’s just really nice to have someone who fits so well with me and can just randomly come over to my house for a family dinner and be unquestioningly welcomed by my whole family

20| do you like someone: is this supposed to be like,,, a crush bc wasn’t this already asked?? lol but idt that counts as “liking” her bc i don’t even know her!! it’s just a crush lol

21| I’m about to: work on my math take-home exam!!! fun stuff -__-

22| do you believe everything happens for a reason? to some extent yeah, but there are some things that i feel like just. can’t be explained or justified 23| Sports I joined: soccer and cross country, but currently i only dance  24| what’s irritating you right now? the fact that i STILL haven’t started either of the two papers i have due on monday lmao 25| do you give out second chances too easily? maybe...my mom always tells me i’m too nice for my own good and that people can easily take advantage of me which is possibly true but i wouldn’t rly know tbh 26| What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i really really wish i had listened to my parents when they tried to make me learn hindi and marathi :/// i always feel so lost when we go to india and it sucks 27| are you mean? i try not to be as much as i can :(( 28| Cried when someone died: so so many times :( when two of my cats died, when my grandparents passed away, and also sometimes when i read news of someone i don’t even know who died i cry 29| Blood type: i’m gonna be honest...i have no clue 30| If you could meet ANY Korean CELEBRITY (Includes Actors, Models, K-Music artists, etc.), who would it be? exo without any doubt at all including the ex members :((( and got7!!

31| Birthday: june 13 32| Been drunk and thrown up: no lmaooo but i did get tipsy off two glasses of wine once and off one shot of soju another time so ya i don’t have the best tolerance lmfaooo 33| are you scared of spiders? i’m terrified of pretty much all moving creatures 34| What would you like to achieve (or experience) before the age of 60?

i want to live in spain for at least some portion of my life!! and also go to an exo concert rip

35| What do you wish for the most to happen? this may sound dumb but for ppl to wake up and realize that issues like global warming and racism are?? real things??? wtf 36| is cheating ever okay? absolutely never never never 37| Do you have any pets: mi babie cats!!! i love and miss them 38| When did you get into kpop and how? december 2015! it was all thanks to avani who showed me danger by bts (yes they were my first group but anyway) it all escalated from there!! 39| Favorite animal? cats <333 40| Love at first sight: i think it’s possible to experience attraction at first sight and the love comes later bc you need to really know a person to really “””love””” them just my opinion idk 41| how do you want to die? peacefully hopefully! 42| Lips or eyes: eyes!!! 43| Hair length: mine is almost past my hips now!! 44| would you go back in time if you were given the chance? lmao as long as no world-ending paradoxes would occur 45| who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? a guy in my abnormal psych class for a group project lmfaooo 46| how exactly are you feeling at the moment? pretty good since i have some nice exo blasting in my room rn 47| Laughed until you cry: soooo many times lmfaooooo 48| favorite food? i’m a sucker for chocolate chip cookies lmaooo 49| when was your last physical fight? LMAO with avani like,,,, 10 years ago?? idk when we stopped fighting physically and became Friends but let me tell u...we were not always the way we are now lmfaooo 50| Do you believe in yourself: on occasion lol

[iu]

what dramas would you rec? except the ones with shinhye ive seen them all lmao

HOO BOY imma spam u with a lot of them that i watched and loved there’s a lot so this goes under the cut sorry for the wall of text:

reply 1988(!!!!!), reply 1997 - (havent seen reply 1994) both are very heartfelt and really make you feel for the main characters and really dive into the Zeitgeist, their humor is pretty silly and some of the plot is based on a love triangle, but honestly the kind that doesn’t annoy TOO much. 1988 is THE BEST drama i’ve ever watched i honestly Will Tear Up if i hear a song that was an ost for it… it’s not just fixed on the love lines but also shows you the characters as people, tells more about the parents of the main characters and kinda makes you understand all the people that surround the leads and not just leave them 2-dimensional person cutouts with a quirk like a lot of other dramas are guilty of,  which i really appreciate….. a MUST

age of youth - sometimes funny sometimes real, it’s about 5 girls that room together, how they get along (or don’t) about their lives and how different they are. a good watch

school 2013 - lovely drama about the hardships of a high-schooler without any (!) love lines!!! tbh tho has a v heavily implied one between the two male characters played by lee jongsuk and kim woobin (if you look at everything through gay glasses like i do ahahaha) it doesn’t have too many tacky cliche kdrama things in it so i appreciate that

doctor stranger - to continue on my lee jongsuk spree (i lob him) this drama!.. it’s wild tbh! it does have the tackiness and cliches but tbh?? it’s worth it…. if you like genius doctors and north korean spies and this sort of thing this is the drama for you

it’s okay it’s love - lovely drama that touches upon issues of mental health and makes you genuinely care for the main two characters!

my love from another star - THE kdrama to watch.. tacky cliched but funny and heartbreaking.. i avoided it for so long because it was very popular and i feared it’s another Heirs (*shudder*) but it’s everything you would want from a kdrama tbh! alien with superpowers, evil ceo’s and all of that junk

signal - crime drama if you’re into those, very interesting plot about a detective from today talking with a detective from the past through a walkie talkie. REALLY good casting like i loved the characters and how the actors portrayed them

weighlifting fairy kim bukjoo - pros: cute and hilarious. cons: makes u wanna have a bf/gf SO BAD!!!! veeeeery good drama!!!!!!!!

moon lovers - lmao…. its’’ interesting… it was the first period drama i ever watched (technically the main character is transported back in time but n e ways) and i was on a weird rush waiting every week for the next episode so idk if i can judge it objectively.. but it was rlly good the princes are all super handsome and i quite enjoyed the production value of their costumes sets and shots.. be warned itll break ur heart

next are a few that i either havent finished or would rate as a 4:

healer - i never finished this one bc.. idk…. i got distracted i guess?? but it’s VERY good, a lil tacky a lil funny, a lil thrillery, a lil romancey, keeps a good balance between these imo

goblin - the HIT of the season which i was too disinterested to finish tbh ahahah… i’m not saying it’s bad it’s just i personally had beef with goblin’s character (hes a DOUCHE), but even if you don’t like him like i do it’s still worth watching for the side-romance (*for the grim reaper :3 )

w two worlds - another lee jongsuk drama with a very cool idea abt manhwa characters living in a parallel world and sometimes being able to pass here and viceversa, but imo got too dramatic at some point so i dropped it, but some people liked it all the way through so!

i hear your voice - never finished it bc the age difference of the 2 main characters didnt sit right with me, but like, its lee jongsuk :3 

misaeng - postponed it indefinitely and mb dropped it?? but it’s very sweet but maybe not too eventful, talks about office life and relationships you build there, pretty good one

kill me heal me - i actually finished this one but WITH SO MUCH PAIN!!! the light comedy segments of it are v good, and the plot is pretty interesting (abt a man with dissociative identity disorder). but the drama/plot part is SO OBNOXIOUS like you’ll have to watch the same flashback shots at least 5 times in every episode and it takes them THE ENTIRE SHOW to get to the ~big reveal~ instead of like… talking once.. to each other… a lot of ppl liked it but i personally dont recommend

the lover* - the * is bc it’s hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe not really a drama but like short comedy sketches but in a drama-ish format?? their humor is very Hit or Miss, but if it’s a hit you get to watch a canonically gay relationship (*crush) :^)

[lilplumbobs]

1-150, I'm a nice person I swear

 Under the cut bc Amber is a major Niaomi  :)

people tagged in this post im too lazy to search through 150 questions to find the question i tagged you in sorry @fadepixels @grumpysimmies @imsysimsy @backstreetsims

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? -  2. Are you outgoing or shy? - shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - Ambs in 4 years4. Are you easy to get along with?- I would like to think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - No bc its JP and JA and MC6. What kind of people are you attracted to? - the living kind7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - lol no8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - JP JA MC9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?- No10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - Ambs 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - Squeak Quacks12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?- Slim Shady , Puppy Dog Eyes, Bad Intentions, Not My Day, Coming Over, All Time Low13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - YUS14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?- Eh not really. 15. What good thing happened this summer? - Ehm well Summer of 2k16 I cliff jumped16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - I haven’t kissed anybody 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - Yus18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - Nupe19. Do you like bubble baths? - Yus and Nupe20. Do you like your neighbors? - Nupe21. What are you bad habits? - Nail Biting, Staying up until 7 am, thinking myself into bad moods and more depressing shit we can’t mention here. 22. Where would you like to travel? - UK, Bora Bora, Australia23. Do you have trust issues? - Yus (thx mom) 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - Sleeping25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - All of it26. What do you do when you wake up? - Go back to sleep27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - Darker28. Who are you most comfortable around? - Ambs29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? -  wuts an ex, ive never had such thing30. Do you ever want to get married? - eh maybe31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - Lol yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? CAN WE MAKE it A FOURSOME BC BABEEEE but if I only had to choose 2, JP and JA, Misha is too pure ;-; 33. Spell your name with your chin. jnoirdcyhn (close enough)34. Do you play sports? What sports? - How fast can I type35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV, but what about SPN ;-;36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?-Yus37. What do you say during awkward silences?- Do you like tacos38. Describe your dream girl/guy? - A living person39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?- EA and I don’t really shop 40. What do you want to do after high school? - Drag SOMEONE from UK and bring them here and have a house with them and take them to do American things ;-; 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Yus42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - That I don’t want to talk43. Do you smile at strangers? - Yes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - Outer Space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - My non stop screaming father46. What are you paranoid about? -  Everything47. Have you ever been high? - Nupe48. Have you ever been drunk? - Nupe49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - Nupe50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - Black51. Ever wished you were someone else? - All the time52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - Self Esteem53. Favourite makeup brand? - lol whats a makeup54. Favourite store? - See above somewhere55. Favourite blog? - I don’t really have one56. Favourite colour? - Don’t have one57. Favourite food?  - Pizza58. Last thing you ate? - tuna sandwhich59. First thing you ate this morning? - tuna sandwhich60. Ever won a competition? For what? - For being the most61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? - almost got suspended for cheating (IT WAS ONCE AND NOT A BIG DEAL) 62. Been arrested? For what? - no63. Ever been in love? - nu64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? - Never had one 65. Are you hungry right now? - Always66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - Tumblr Friends are Real Friends67. Facebook or Twitter? - Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr? - Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? - Nue70. Names of your bestfriends? Ambs, Britt, Asia, Rosa, 71. Craving something? What? - Sleep72. What colour are your towels? - Mutli ( ihave a lot of towerls) 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - Two73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - Nupe but I have them on my shelf 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? -  4 or 5 75. Favourite animal? - CATS76. What colour is your underwear? - Pink77. Chocolate or Vanilla? - Neither78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - Ew79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - Purple ish80. What colour pants? - Blue81. Favourite tv show? - SPN or Greys82. Favourite movie? - MBV3D or Ten Inch Hero83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? - Damian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - Dory87. First person you talked to today? - Ambs88. Last person you talked to today?- Ambs89. Name a person you hate? - Ambs90. Name a person you love? - Ambs91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - Ambs92. In a fight with someone? - ambs93. How many sweatpants do you have? - 294. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? -  4?95. Last movie you watched? - 96. Favourite actress? dont get me started on this one97. Favourite actor? DONT GET ME STARTED ON THIS ONE98. Do you tan a lot? - No whats tanning r u trying to get cancer99. Have any pets? - Ya 7 plus kittens 100. How are you feeling? - Sick af 101. Do you type fast? - Yus102. Do you regret anything from your past? - Yus103. Can you spell well? - Nu104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - yus105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - no106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - i think so107. Have you ever been on a horse? - yus108. What should you be doing? - school work109. Is something irritating you right now? - my sister110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - nu111. Do you have trust issues? - yus112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - i forget who 113. What was your childhood nickname? - rosebud 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - yus115. Do you play the Wii? - yus116. Are you listening to music right now? - yus117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? - yus118. Do you like Chinese food? - HOLY HELL YESS119. Favourite book? - i dont have one120. Are you afraid of the dark? - a little121. Are you mean? - yus122. Is cheating ever okay? - hell no123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - no 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - no125. Do you believe in true love? - yus126. Are you currently bored? - yus 127. What makes you happy? - things128. Would you change your name? - no129. What your zodiac sign? - aries and cancer ( i did 2 different thingies) 130. Do you like subway? - YUS131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - idk ppl of the opposite sex so idk 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - THIS WAS ALREADY ANSWERED133. Favourite lyrics right now? - trying a mind blank134. Can you count to one million? - nu135. Dumbest lie you ever told? - im sleeping when im not really sleeping136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - closed137. How tall are you? - 5′4138. Curly or Straight hair? - straight139. Brunette or Blonde? - brunette140. Summer or Winter? - summer141. Night or Day? - night142. Favourite month? - April (MU BIRTH MONTH)143. Are you a vegetarian? - Vegan144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? - n e i t h e r shit is nasty145. Tea or Coffee? - BOTH AF146. Was today a good day? - i guess147. Mars or Snickers? - tf is a mars148. What’s your favourite quote? -  too sick to tell you 149. Do you believe in ghosts? - Yus150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “ hELL nO” 

[adhdvane]

Anon back again, don't worry about delay in answer! I'm not expecting you to reply in a matter of seconds and I'm patient anyway! (●'◡'●) (and yeah, tumblr's notification system kinda suck so really, not your fault haha)

I understand your struggle with fics all too well lol I'm sure a time will come when it just clicks and you can write the good stuff ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ And no need to feel bad if you haven't posted a lot on ao3! You don't have to have 1000 fics or 200k word-long fics for your works to be enjoyable!! Even little ficlets and drabbles are good to have around ♥

It's good of you to have taken time for yourself if you needed it ♥ And yeah, completely understandable to hesitate and come back to fandom in general with the current state of things (a couple years ago I made an IE/Go sideblog and I'm still terrified that someone is going to come up and yell at me for shipping the characters lmao And that's without counting the Problematic™ fics I wrote when I was 16 lmao)

Regarding your tags, I'm just sitting there like starry-eyed because YES TenKyou. I'm DELIGHTED to know that's your preference because that's mine too for the ship asklhjkh

As for Todd and Prof Mirror, that's a tough and personal question, so good luck! (I'm thinking Todd topping's nice but does it make the prof kink better or not is the question!! ALSO in the french version, I know there's a line from Todd going like "Mirror was already being called Professor before he was a professor" so maybe he's not the only one with a prof kink, just from a different angle, hah)

(you say sorry for rambling, but joke's on you, I ramble too! Sorry for clustering your blog though woops Have a good day! (´･ω･`) )

rip, okay, once again i apologize about this one being even later, mostly bc i saw it early, but i haven't been able to sit down and respond to it. this week was the last week of the month so i actually had a lot to do at work and was able to go in every day (as opposed to 1 - 2 days bc business is still so slow). but at the end of the month i do invoicing for inventory charges for that month for each customer. though i was able to actually get a lot of it done sooner than usual (bc i actually started the process on tuesday instead of thursday), there were still three big ones i couldn't even do until thursday bc they had several orders in production that didn't get shipped until thursday. I was going to finally get to this ask on friday when i got home (we only work half days on friday and close at noon)… but the new gbf event had started… and uhg… a sho centric event. g od.

rest of the word vomit under the cut

before i just—IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS GBF RAMBLING FEEL FREE TO SKIP BELOW TO THE END THE GBF OF RAMBLE—this event askjdsjkdfslkdjsdjg talk about giving the antag his redemption art event. the emotional growth in sho. so many new assets to save… there are fricking 6 different versions of his character labeled _painful (_painful, _painful2, etc.), and like so many zoom in's that basically every one of his images has an _up version (the battle ones ((the ones of him on his gearcycle)) also have a bunch of _up2 versions that are zoomed in between the default and _up close up) anyways these in particular kill me.

sho "i'm-not-going-to-cry-or-show-expresions-of-gratitude" awkwardly smiling and crying in this event (while also repeatedly getting the shit kicked out of him/getting hurt. having a moment of breaking down from exhaustion and pain, in the rain, before deciding he has to swallow his pride. every single english word that comes out of his mouth, cv: taniyama kishou is a gift (on a side note i can't believe he fucking played alpha in chronostone. like thats fucking hilarious a va and voicalist capable of such range and drama voicing alpha and his serious monotone ass). Sho (@tsubasa): You showed me the light before—[…] Tsubasa: Wait, what? Whaddya mean I showed you the light? ((you mean when he punched you in the fucking face at the end of the previous event of this series?))). I mean I already shipped bc of the their last event, how can you not ship the guy screaming he's going to kill the protag w/the protag esp after getting punched in the face by the protag at the end makes him calm down and be like fine i guess you win i'm not going to try to kill you know and our gangs don't have to fight. also they're both like 16 (or at least tsubasa is canon 16 (a yeas totally looks like a 16 year old) and sho is at least still in school and at least confirmed to be a minor (not age of majority, which idk what that is exactly in universe, could be 18, could be 20, bc it is fantasy, but it's also japanese, thoguh japan's age of majority is actually lowering from 20 to 18 next april (2022), drinking/smoking/gambling age will still be 20, and the comment in this event was about we're still minors save the smoking for when you're an adult). sho could arguably be 18 or 19 and still believably in school and be considered a minor legally (if in universe gbf follows japanese laws) considering the time he spent in juvie he could easily have been held back. gbf will probably just make him tsubasa's age if a canon age is release. but thinking about sho being 19 and tsubasa being 16 would make some ppl upset and that brings me joy. (also just how funny it could be thinking about (bc everyone is perpetually the same age) how later when sho a year older and legally being able to drink, and tsubasa not, and despite the fact sho being like i will break the laws about physically assaulting a guy but underage drinking, smoking, and drugs is a no-no is fucking hilarious. (the app is rated t so i guess there's only so much you can do…) (oh and one last note, a character in the event asking if sho enjoys the pain and is a masochist, to have other character be like dude you can't just ask someone that. sho saying no he doesn't enjoy the pain. only for later when they are escaping, a character noting "You look rather happy about all this. Now I'm sure youre a masochist." gbf first crushing my sho masochist headcanon and then building it back up in this event, thank u gbf). anways, rip that was a lot and not even everything, as you can see i have been… distracted by this event. apologies

—END OF GBF RAMBLE—

oh god worry about ppl like that in ina like, there really people out there who don't want you shipping ficitional children?????? and the main ina cast is roughly between 12-15. and got i started watching ina in 2013 when i was 19. which apparently for some people is like bad uwu because it's a show for young teenagers (like lol too bad i'm 27 and even though i haven't kept up with aries i still love ina and all the little babies and wont stop shipping). i didn't even know there was people out there who get UPSET AT AGING UP??? like wtf???? sorry i want them to be old enough to marry, adopt children, have a job, and also f.uck. the dpk au is my lifeblood (and has a lot of Problematic™ content that's never even been posted online anywhere bc it used to be an rp. my favorite is that out of all the relationships in the au, tenma and kyousuke's is probably the most unhealthy bc of kyousuke's mental health. some very bad things happened to fei (per request of my rp partner) (part of vanfeny and garsha's revenge on saru as they were sent to megun while saru walks around ''free'' (what exactly is free is a whole other lore mess in itself that i wrote up about post chrono stone future). and that just lead to more bad things fei then did to himself. problematic™ content 9492347 in the dpk au, shipping ozrock and lalaya. (even worse, bc of lore planning i did for the au and decided how their species worked, lalaya is about 6.5 cycles (faram obius years) or roughly 130 earth years and biologically similar to 13 year earth years, and ozrock is about 48 Ixal years roughly 48 earth years and biologically similar to 24 earth years. so like even a worse ship. i mean just ignore cultural norms would be different on an alien planet and also she's royalty and has an obligation to be wed even younger and is probably socially more mature than a human 13 year old. rip sorry i just like alien stuff. a lot of this was also because wouldn't it be great for lalaya to have a really long lifespan so the human friends she makes get older faster and also die way before her :) ina's gunna hurt me with the bug aliens then i'm going to… continue to hurt myself with more alien life span stuff.)

Anyways, With TenKyou, idk I think it's easy to paint tenma as the innocent ~pure baby~ and kyousuke as ~bad boy~ bc of the first inago… and seed kyousuke was a little bastard man (affectionate). which would idk explain the default to kyouten. but like kyousuke chills the hell out in chrono stone and galaxy. and just bc tenma is a dumbass with a heart of gold obsessed with soccer doesn't necessarily mean he's has to be ~innocent baby 受け~ trope. (not that these are the only tropes that decide) (maybe it's bc i sort of like messing with what it must be like to be the main protagonists best friend and watch him continue to overcome everything and be in the spot light and how everyone praises him. kyousuke with self-esteem issues, looking back at all the problems he's caused, tenma has flaws but they're either negligible or something to love about him and mine have only hurt others. disregarding his own goddamn plot armor in the past. complex, emotional, suffering kyousuke is how i like my kyousuke. need we even get into how god eden was canonically revealed to be physically/mentally abusing seeds and that whole can of worms) (also just "nervous baby i don't know how to approach tenma" kyousuke, "cheeky little shit doesn't have any regards to personal space and boundries" tenma) at least if anyone starts giving me shit about an ina ship or problematic fictional ina content, i can always respond with something i drew back in 2015.

back to the matter of new snap though… that line is so familiar (im pretty sure it's in the eng txt, i have it set to jpn audio tho). i recently started keeping a log of the messages that pop up on the camp, lab, and map screens (but haven't saved too many bc i get distracted or at least i know i'm missing quite a few i have vague memories of). (also idk why my first thought to that line was mirror responding with "That was because you were the one calling me that.") there actually were a couple messages i saved initially that would be useful for fic writing:

Todd: "The professor used to be kinda reckless back in the day. I suppose after 10 year he must've calmed down a bit."

and

Mirror: "Todd's calmed down since I last saw him. Or maybe he's just acting mature because you kids are around…"

possible implications from these that I'm deciding to consider for headcanons:

both reckless and wild in their early 20's but that's not unusual, so they were acting like reckless young adults when they were 20. makes sense.

because mirror mentions the last time i saw him (which is definitely implied not 10 years ago since todd had a research team pin so obviously he's been around a bit since the lab was established) meaning todd is potentially still a chaotic bastard but is just trying to act like an adult in front of the kids. beautiful.

and on that note another wonderful Tood message:

Todd: "I never invited Phil to be my pupil—he just declared himself my "number one student" and started tagging along! But honestly…I was kind of flattered."

the possibility that when todd showed up in game, after that cutscene he went to talk to mirror like "this 10 year old just started following me and wont go away, pls help. what do i do?????"

this unsupervised 10 year old just followed a ~30 year old man into the wilderness and somehow just declares todd is mentor (and took the research team pin from todd to ''borrow''). this is a hostage situation. todd is the hostage.

the idea that perhaps todd just got back from a long expedition and was glad to be back and spend time with mirror, except this kid started following him around and wont leave him alone or go away, and then when he got to the lab there were two more kids there. how the fuck am i supposed to get it on with mirror when we have little alone time and when we finally do we're constantly at risk of being interrupted and/or walked-in on. (that last part was mainly the premise of the fic i wanted to write. "these kids are a handful how are we supposed to have intimate time. especially bc they're all so young and have child energy levels and when they go to bed i am already fucking exhausted." i'm thinking it might work better as like a drabble collection, that way i don't have to adhere to a plot line and can pick and choose scenarios to write because i keep winding up with more scenario ideas that i can nearly piece together into a coherent timeline anymore.)

(also a bit that rita becomes suspicious that they are 100% fu.cking even though all that happened was mirror wasn't asleep up in his bed above the lab and fell asleep in one of the bungalows w/todd and then tried to cover it up like haha what no, i was checking on todd he's not feeling well uh… what? where are my pants? oh. oh i can't believe i just totally got out of bed and left the lab without my pants haha.) (todd and mirror just trying to keep their relationship a secrete out of fear of rumors spreading and it affecting the lab's funding, even though rumors definitely started ages ago but neither of them realize). (also todd doesn't trust phil to keep his mouth shut and doesn't like the optics of the random 10 year old who started following him (UNSUPERVISED) just blabbing to his parents about how his cool mentor is dating the professor at the lab like yikes that could end badly worst case scenario.)

(i like the idea of mirror playing along with todd's ki.nk, albeit a little awkward sometimes (not very good at being intentionally 'sexy' about it, but that's not what todd wants anyways bc it's already inherenty sexy for him). Phill has a message "I barely get half the stuff the professor talks about. Do you?" and i can only image if he said that to todd

todd: （人*´∀｀）i know it's hot

phil: what)

anyways i hope you don't mind me rambling even more on your asks like this. last time i totally just cut chunks out to be smaller but this time… i'm going to leave things in rip.

[anephemerality]

Do all of them just. Do them all

W e l l t h e n o k 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Uhm no one really...I don't think I've really gotten close to anyone in a month or three2. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy, I have terrible anxiety with that as well 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Uhm no one I think ?? I don't really have any plans 
4. Are you easy to get along with?I'm usually very friendly to anyone and I try not to exclude anyone at all so I'd say sure !
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I would hope so...I doubt they would want to but eh I'll take care of myself like I always do anyways 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?I think as long as you show me trust, get close to me, care, and you're just in general nice to me I can end up having feelings lol but idk tbh
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?I mean...have u seen how unattractive I am who am I attracting in 2 months it takes me years to get a relationship (so basically no plus now I have some bad trust issues so it won't really be easy to get me to want to date)
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?I don't like anyone from the male gender l o l I'm gay :,-)9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?I use to be okay with it but now it just...I hate it. If we aren't too close I won't talk about it 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?My friend yoosung !! (Lov u yoosung) 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?"True....."
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?1. Lust for life by Lana del Ray and The Weeknd 2. Thighs by Bry 3. Hang on by Yukari 4. Maybe by Alina Baraz 5. Say my name by Odesza 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes !!! If you're close to me I don't mind having my hair touched in fact I adore it 
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Yes...but miracles never come true for me and I rarely have much luck 
15. What good thing happened this summer?Nothing honestly, I wished this summer would be amazing but here I am now 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Yea but I doubt they even like me lol
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No, he's an abusive shit 
19. Do you like bubble baths?I love them !!! 
20. Do you like your neighbors?I don't interact with them at all 
21. What are you bad habits?Too many to list probably but I control them as much as I can 
22. Where would you like to travel?Anywhere is fine actually !! I like adventure n stuff 
23. Do you have trust issues?Yea...they actually got a lot worse two months ago 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?My skincare routine !! 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?That's hard to say because there's so many parts of me that I would change
26. What do you do when you wake up?I brush my teeth, shower, brush my hair, do my skincare routine, then get dressed, then eat(in no particular order) 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I don't really care anymore although being tan would be nice 
28. Who are you most comfortable around?There use to be one person I was very close to but I lost trust for them, so atm I have no one 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?No 
30. Do you ever want to get married?Yea, it's actually a dream of mine. It's dumb but a dream 
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?Yes
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?I hate threesomes they disgust me so no one :) 
33. Spell your name with your chinKeanugge
34. Do you play sports? What sports?I like dancing !! And running 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Music I can live without tv 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Yea, there's been one or two people I've been interested in but my anxiety never let me tell them 
37. What do you say during awkward silences?I meme 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Already answered !! I just want someone who loves me back as much as I love them 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Forever 21 bc it's cheap lol, but I love H&M and top shop 
40. What do you want to do after high school?Idk, I just want to be a doctor, that's it, maybe I'll die idk have a stroke 
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Not everyone, but some yea 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?It either means I'm uncomfortable or I'm shy ☺️ 
43. Do you smile at strangers?I'm not sure ??? 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer space !! I love the ocean but the bottom of it terrifies me (plus i can't swim) 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Honestly I never want to get up but the sims ...makeup...hell yeck 
46. What are you paranoid about?Never being appreciated and never being loved, or being loved but then being dropped out of no where 
47. Have you ever been high? No 
48. Have you ever been drunk?Yes many times
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?No I'm not really interesting 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?It was pink !! 
51. Ever wished you were someone else?Yes, many times 😔
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?Everything 
53. Favourite makeup brand?Colourpop 
54. Favourite store?Any store that has food n bread 
55. Favourite blog?Hm..idk !! There are so many blogs I love it's impossible to list them all 
56. Favourite colour? Pink !! But I love blue and white too 
57. Favourite food? Bread 
58. Last thing you ate?Bread
59. First thing you ate this morning?Do u wanna guess ?? It was bread
60. Ever won a competition? For what?I won an art contest once !! That was my pride for 2 straight months 
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope I'm a good noodle 
62. Been arrested? For what?No 
63. Ever been in love? Yea...woooooo boy 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?We were cuddling and it just kinda happened I guess ?? I don't remember too much other than it was soft shy but cute I loved it 
65. Are you hungry right now?Yes
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?Sometimes 
67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter 
68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr 
69. Are you watching tv right now?Yes 
70. Names of your bestfriends? Silvia, Yoosung, Jumin, and some others 
71. Craving something? What?Bread 
72. What colour are your towels?A soft clear white
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?A ton honestly it's pillow heaven 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Yes
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?I have a ton on this one sofa in one room 
75. Favourite animal?I've always really loved dolphins 
76. What colour is your underwear?Don't know don't care 
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Chocolate 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Strawberry 
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Pink
80. What colour pants?Pink and grey (sweats)
81. Favourite tv show?SpongeBob ! 
82. Favourite movie?Coraline or the corpse bride 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean girls 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean girls I guess ?? Haven't seen the other one 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Regina bc she's a bitch although I do hate her too 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Dory
87. First person you talked to today?yoosung 
88. Last person you talked to today? Silvia 
89. Name a person you hate?My abusive ex 
90. Name a person you love?Idk if I should name them 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Yes..many 
92. In a fight with someone?Mm no not really I hope not anyways 
93. How many sweatpants do you have?A few 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?A lot 
95. Last movie you watched?Bambi 
96. Favourite actress?Right now I'm in love with Emily fields 
97. Favourite actor?I liked Daniel Radcliffe as a kid so I'll say him 
98. Do you tan a lot?No 
99. Have any pets?No 
100. How are you feeling?Sad, like I have been for the last month(s) 
101. Do you type fast?Yes I'm sonic at typing 
102. Do you regret anything from your past?Many things 
103. Can you spell well?Yea 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Yea 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?No
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?No but my heart is always being broken 
107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yes 
108. What should you be doing?Sleeping 
109. Is something irritating you right now?Yea many things 
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?That's my current state actually and I absolutely hate it 
111. Do you have trust issues?Yea 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?Can't think of one ...I usually cry alone but I rarely cry tbh 
113. What was your childhood nickname?Most of them were pretty much rude stuff they'd tell me 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Several times
115. Do you play the Wii?Use to 
116. Are you listening to music right now?No 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Sometimes
118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes I love it 
119. Favourite book?Any Harry Potter book tbh but also Alice in Wonderland 
120. Are you afraid of the dark?No 
121. Are you mean?Sometimes actually no yea I can be very mean 
122. Is cheating ever okay?Hell no I'll kick any cheaters ass 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?No I'm too clumsy for that 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?No
125. Do you believe in true love?Yes...mm but it never comes my way so I don't hope anymore 
126. Are you currently bored?Yea
127. What makes you happy?Some certain ppl but idk if they really feel the same ....
128. Would you change your name?Yea 
129. What your zodiac sign?Aquarius 
130. Do you like subway?No the subway here in Los Angeles is terrible and dirty and filled with creeps 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Uh I don't like boys ...:/ sorry 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Yoosung 
133. Favourite lyrics right now?"Were the masters of our own fate/ were the captains of our own souls"
134. Can you count to one million?I can try 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?Can't think of one 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed
137. How tall are you?I'm 5'3"
138. Curly or Straight hair?I have curly hair 
139. Brunette or Blonde?Brunette 
140. Summer or Winter?Winter, summer is too hot n terrible 
141. Night or Day?Night
142. Favourite month?Anywhere from November - March 
143. Are you a vegetarian?No
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Milk chocolate 
145. Tea or Coffee?Both 
146. Was today a good day?Nope 
147. Mars or Snickers?Idk I don't really eat either of them 
148. What’s your favourite quote?Idk tbh 
149. Do you believe in ghosts?Yes 
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?It literally says "the modern idiot" (sounds like something I'd tell myself tbh)