#from a practical standpoint they were in the same situation its just that one of them left the room alive while the other waited for help

[marklikely]

i mean from an objective standpoint lawrence lost his game he didn't do the thing the tape told him to do but he still gets to live bc he problem solved and escaped the room alive so i see no reason why adam couldn't have done the same if he had just also cut his foot off

[literaticat]

I see some picture book authors who are churning out books left and right, with several publishing in the same year. But my agent only wants to focus on one manuscript at at time. I don't bombard her with manuscripts but when I've tried to make a plan for getting more books out there she is reluctant and I get a vague explanation that it doesn't really work that way or "it sounds exhausting." From an agenting standpoint, how would you handle a reasonably "prolific" author-illustrator?

On the face of it, your agent is correct -- it DOESN'T really work that way, and it DOES sound exhausting. But there's also a certain lack of clarity here. You first mention picture book authors -- then you mention author-illustrators. And those are two somewhat different situations.

So first - what do I mean by "it doesn't really work that way" -- well, what you, an outsider, perceive as an author CHURNING OUT BOOKS LEFT AND RIGHT, is probably... not really that, actually. It happens, when authors are relatively prolific, that they might sell a couple of books a year in a given category, or even a few books to a couple different publishers. The way that the publisher timing works out, this can sometimes mean that MULTIPLE books come out near the same time -- but that doesn't mean that they were SOLD near the same time. They might have been sold YEARS apart and just the vagaries of illustrator schedules and other flukes mean that they are coming out closer together. (For example, I have an author with four books coming out in the same 12 month span -- two are GN, two are PB -- but they were all sold years apart to three different publishers -- it just so happens that they will end up releasing much closer together for a variety of reasons, and other books that may have even sold more recently than these books will come out first. This happens all the time. Heck, one of my authors had TWELVE books come out in one year -- but they were in multiple categories, from multiple publishers, and it happened that some were series, and it just worked out that way -- it's not like we sell 12 books a year).

Author-illustrators are a slightly different ball of wax because typically that work takes LONGER -- so we might sell one or two author-illustrator books a year - or even one or two author-illustrator project and one or two illustration-only projects -- but again, those might or might not come out near each other, and it might just stack up that several things come out closer together even if they were sold farther apart.

IMO, best practices and how I prefer to work is to focus on selling one book in a given category at a time when it is possible. (Sometimes it's NOT possible and I have to go out with multiple at the same time, and it is what it is, but it's not my preference.) There are a variety of reasons for this -- I don't want to overwhelm editors, I don't want them to think I'm just throwing stuff out there willy-nilly, I want each project to feel SPECIAL and have its own time to shine, etc etc. If I'm just CONSTANTLY shooting new mss at them, it starts to get messy, and it seems as if I am not really sending them The Best of the Best, you know?

Additionally, when you already have one or two (or more!) publishers -- some of those folks might have option clauses or non-compete clauses of some kind, or it might make logical sense for one publisher to focus on one kind of book and another publisher to focus on another kind of book -- there should be some kind of a strategy behind submissions, and "peppering everyone with mss" is not the best strategy.

Which is all a long way of saying, while I think it's important that you are able to be candid with your agent if you want them to be more transparent about their strategy or Do More or whatever -- I also wouldn't base the timing of what you do on what you think other authors are doing or not doing. Because you just don't know what the reality is there. They are likely selling books at a relatively normal pace of say, a couple a year, and publishing schedules and other things out of their control make it SEEM like they are "churning" at certain times.

[painterontheshore]

The philosophical and the psychological approach to life

[...]

Nothing is more characteristic and symptomatic in this respect than the gulf that has opened out between faith and knowledge. The contrast has become so enormous that one is obliged to speak of the incommensurability of these two categories and their way of looking at the world. And yet they are concerned with the same empirical world in which we live, for even the theologians tell us that faith is supported by facts that became historically perceptible in this known world of ours— namely that Christ was born as a real human being, worked many miracles and suffered his fate, died under Pontius Pilate, and rose up in the flesh after his death. Theology rejects any tendency to take the assertions of its earliest records as written myths and, accordingly, to understand them symbolically. Indeed, it is the theologians themselves who have recently made the attempt—no doubt as a concession to "knowledge"—to "demythologize" the object of their faith while drawing the line quite arbitrarily at the crucial points. But to the critical intellect it is only too obvious that myth is an integral component of all religions and therefore cannot be excluded from the assertions of faith without injuring them.

The rupture between faith and knowledge is a symptom of the split consciousness which is so characteristic of the mental disorder of our day. It is as if two different persons were making statements about the same thing, each from his own point of view, or as if one person in two different frames of mind were sketching a picture of his experience. If for "person" we substitute "modern society” it is evident that the latter is suffering from a mental dissociation, i.e., a neurotic disturbance. In view of this, it does not help matters at all if one party pulls obstinately to the right and the other to the left. This is what happens in every neurotic psyche, to its own deep distress, and it is just this distress that brings the patient to the analyst.

As I stated above in all brevity—while not neglecting to mention certain practical details whose omission might have perplexed the reader—the analyst has to establish a relationship with both halves of his patient's personality, because only from them can he put together a whole and complete man, and not merely from one half by suppression of the other half. But this suppression is just what the patient has been doing all along, for the modern Weltanschauung leaves him with no alternative. His individual situation is the same in principle as the collective situation. He is a social microcosm, reflecting on the smallest scale the qualities of society at large, or conversely the smallest social unit cumulatively producing the collective dissociation. The latter possibility is the more likely one, as the only direct and concrete carrier of life is the individual personality, while society and the State are conventional ideas and can claim reality only in so far as they are represented by a conglomeration of individuals.

[…]

For more than fifty years we have known, or could have known, that there is an unconscious counterbalance to consciousness. Medical psychology has furnished all the necessary empirical and experimental proofs of this. There is an unconscious psychic reality which demonstrably influences consciousness and its contents. All this is known, but no practical conclusions have been drawn from this fact. We still go on thinking and acting as before, as if we were simplex and not duplex. Accordingly, we imagine ourselves to be innocuous, reasonable, and humane. We do not think of distrusting our motives or of asking ourselves how the inner man feels about the things we do in the outside world. But actually it is frivolous, superficial, and unreasonable of us, as well as psychically unhygienic, to overlook the reaction and standpoint of the unconscious. One can regard one's stomach or heart as unimportant and worthy of contempt, but that does not prevent overeating or overexertion from having consequences that affect the whole man. Yet we think that psychic mistakes and their consequences can be got rid of with mere words, for "psychic" means less than air to most people. All the same, nobody can deny that without the psyche there would be no world at all, and still less a human world. Virtually everything depends on the human psyche and its functions. It should be worthy of all the attention we can give it, especially today, when everyone admits that the weal or woe of the future will be decided neither by the threat of wild animals, nor by natural catastrophes, nor by the danger of world-wide epidemics, but simply and solely by the psychic changes in man. It needs only an almost imperceptible disturbance of equilibrium in a few of our rulers' heads to plunge the world into blood, fire, and radioactivity. The technical means necessary for this are present on both sides. And certain conscious deliberations, uncontrolled by any inner opponent, can be put into effect all too easily, as we have seen already from the example of one "Leader." The consciousness of modern man still clings so much to external objects that he makes them exclusively re[1]sponsible, as if it were on them that the decision depended. That the psychic state of certain individuals could ever emancipate itself from the behaviour of objects is something that is considered far too little, although irrationalities of this sort are observed every day and can happen to everyone.

The forlorn state of consciousness in our world is due primarily to loss of instinct, and the reason for this lies in the development of the human mind over the past aeon. The more power man had over nature, the more his knowledge and skill went to his head, and the deeper became his contempt for the merely natural and accidental, for all irrational data—including the objective psyche, which is everything that consciousness is not. In contrast to the subjectivism of the conscious mind the unconscious is objective, manifesting itself mainly in the form of contrary feelings, fantasies, emotions, impulses, and dreams, none of which one makes oneself but which come upon one objectively. Even today psychology is still, for the most part, the science of conscious contents, measured as far as possible by collective standards. The individual psyche has become a mere accident, a marginal phenomenon, while the unconscious, which can manifest itself only in the real, "irrationally given" human being, has been ignored altogether. This was not the result of carelessness or of lack of knowledge, but of downright resistance to the mere possibility that there could be a second psychic authority besides the ego. It seems a positive menace to the ego that its monarchy could be doubted. The religious person, on the other hand, is accustomed to the thought of not being sole master in his own house. He believes that God, and not he himself, decides in the end. But how many of us would dare to let the will of God decide, and which of us would not feel embarrassed if he had to say how far the decision came from God himself?

--Carl Jung en "The Undiscovered Self"

[itsclydebitches]

Its Own Reward

Fandom: The Bad Batch

Words: 2,098

Summary: If, at times of unseemly emotional vulnerability, Tech found himself longing for the one thing The Bad Batch didn’t have... well, that was between him and his overactive mind, thank you very much. 

Warnings: Mentions of blood/injury later on, but very minor

A clone's favorite game, in the whole wide galaxy, was Picture Your General. 

Picture your general in the heat of battle, lightsaber flashing, tearing through Separatist forces with the intensity of a Kaminoan storm. 

Picture you general in the aftermath, entering a meditative state, calming the battalion with their mind alone.

Picture your general giving an order and you, standing tall, accept it with pride. Picture yourself as their right-hand man. Their greatest asset. The tool that will win this war. 

Of course, at this stage one brother or another would point out the flaws in the fantasy. "Only a few of us will ever speak to them," they'd say. "You're not making Captain. Commander? Dream on. And watch the arrogance, vod. We're important, sure, but we're disposable too. No one is going to mourn us when we fall, certainly not a Jedi." 

From there they would either grow quiet in discomfort, or pummel the offender with whatever was in reach, depending on the makeup of the group. No matter the outcome though, the game would inevitably repeat just a few hours later, picked up by everyone from the youngest cadet, to soldiers a day from their first assignment. Every clone in existence wanted to picture their general; imagine up a person worthy of the Kaminoans' stories and, though shared with more reservations, imagine the place they'd find at their side. 

Every clone, that is, but Tech.

Well, he supposed Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair might be the same, but that was a hypothesis he hadn't tested yet. Out of everything Tech still needed to learn, that was rather low on his priority list. Meanwhile, spending time on a useless game was downright foolish. Oh, he had nothing against games on their own — they fostered a number of desirable outcomes, including, but far from limited to, a social comradery that would serve them well in battle — but this game, Picture Your General, had nothing to offer him. For the simple reason that Tech would never have one. 

It was a fact the Regs took great pleasure in pointing out. Frequently. 

"Ignore them," Crosshair said, stealing an extra ration off Tech's tray. History implied that he wasn't actually that hungry, merely interested in teasing Wrecker with the extra food. He'd pretend to save it for most of the night until, inevitably, handing it off as a grudging, midnight snack. Crosshair played with the food, but Tech knew his attention was on the rowdy group to their left. "They're not worth it." 

Given that it was just the two of them, Tech allowed himself a scowl, snatching the ration back. He had nothing against Wrecker receiving additional food, especially given his fast metabolism, but it was the principal of the thing. This was his. "Says the man who instigated four altercations this week." 

"I like riling them up." The food moved back to Crosshair's side of the table. "You don't." 

"You're mistaken. I take great pleasure in correcting our less cordial brothers. Though their initial claim is sound, the reasons for why we will not be assigned a Jedi are erroneous in the extreme." 

"You mean that we're useless, unwanted defects who don't deserve to lick a Jedi's boots?" 

"While I wouldn't have phrased it quite like that... yes. It's factually incorrect." 

"Hmm. Your face doesn't say 'factually incorrect.'" 

"That's because you're stealing my food!" 

"You're mistaken," Crosshair mimicked, this time stuffing the ration deep into his pocket where Tech didn't have a hope of reclaiming it. "Ignore them." 

Tech rarely denied himself the chance to speak at length on any topic he pleased, but this time he bit down on the retort that he literally could not. The Kaminoans had ensured that he picked up and payed attention to everything around him, even what he didn't want to hear. 

Still, clones were nothing if not adaptable and very little in this galaxy was black and white. The very thing Tech craved was also evidence of his greatest joy: the rest of his squad. They weren't made for a Jedi, they were made for each other. The Regs might have seen that as another defect, but Tech understood the inevitability of balance. If he wanted something as remarkable as his team, he had to give up something else in turn. 

Like the knowledge that someone else, anyone else, was fighting for them. To the Kaminoans they were property. Expensive and prized property, no doubt, but even the most beautiful tool would be discarded in time. To the other clones they were outsiders, a blight on everything else they took pride in. And to the Jedi they were... non-existent. Or near enough, Tech supposed. When called to assist a battalion they usually did so on the outskirts, getting into the enemy territory their brothers couldn't negotiate, leaving for the next suicide mission by the time they'd caught up. It resulted in a reputation that was, ironically, quite uniform, given their otherwise individualistic looks and personalities. The Bad Batch was a team of four who did what other clones couldn't. That's all the Jedi needed to know; presumably wanted to know. And Tech could hardly fault them for that when in the midst of a war. Like him, they had much more important matters to occupy their thoughts. 

That naïve indifference — an inability to be seen — might have been bearable if Tech hadn't accumulated such a clear picture of them. Oh yes, much of it came down to his academic nature, scrolling through datapads in the dead of night, soaking up information about anything, but especially that which was so crucial to the war... but there were stories too. The GAR was full of them. Whereas cadets played Picture Your General, soldiers spoke of the real thing, at times even more fantastical than their imaginings. Whispers spread through the ranks of Master Obi-Wan's compassion, claims that he fought for clones on and off the battlefield, giving as much respect as he demanded in turn. His former Padawan was, they said, as much a vod as any of them, prone to establishing an equality based on practical jokes and near-death situations — the kind of insanity clones were genetically predisposed to enjoy. There was talk that Unduli welcomed every soldier into her ranks with a Mirialan ritual, that Windu was fighting for clone rights in the Senate, even jokes that Plo Kloon had millions of adoption papers ready and waiting for the war's end... utter nonsense that last bit, of course. Yet every time Tech scoffed at a Reg's unseemly devotion, an awful little voice in the back of his head pointed out that the jokes had to stem from something. One did not craft rumors about a Jedi's kindness unless they had done quite a bit to establish it in the first place. 

Tech didn't need kindness, only assurances. Bonds with the Jedi provided his brothers with a connection outside of the Kaminoans. They were building a network, however small, for the day this war ended. The Jedi Council would fight for the clones, Tech was sure of that... but would they fight for a shadowy, defective squad they knew little about? Their place in this galaxy began with each other and ended with the occasional, dubious acquaintance of Hunter’s. That was not enough to survive on and Tech cared only about such practical matters. 

At least, that’s what he told himself for a time, but it wasn’t in Tech’s nature to dismiss facts. Like how once Master Shaak Ti had laid a hand on his arm after training, bestowing a smile and words of praise that Tech later kicked himself for missing, too busy being disgustingly flummoxed by the attention. That warmth, gifted three different ways, stayed with him long after they'd left their simulations behind, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't rationalize it away as planning for the future.

Tech wanted a Jedi of his own. He simply... wanted.

In time those feelings didn't abate, but they were buried under an avalanche of new ones which, from a technical standpoint, he supposed amounted to much the same. After Kaller, Tech had lost his purpose in serving the Republic. Worse, he'd lost a member of his squad, even if he eventually got him back. Crosshair's presence now could no more lessen his past absence than food in one's hand could feed a starving man from yesterday. Tech's home was gone. The familiarity of his brothers' faces, even those twisted with cruelty, was something he craved. Everything from the rooms they'd once slept in to the smell of sterilized halls— all absent. So if Tech sometimes stared out at the stars and felt horrifyingly incomplete, who was he to say what that stemmed from? There were too many possibilities. The data was corrupted beyond repair and trying to divide what he'd lost from what the Kaminoans had denied him was an entirely useless endeavor. An experiment not worth his time. 

Still, Tech was made of curiosity. His mind was always on the lookout for patterns and new information, whether he wanted it to be or not. In truth though, he figured that Omega's near death was an experience that would have stood out to anyone, genius not required. 

Her screams were quite the conductor for one's focus. 

"Shoot it! Shoot it!" 

The order was for Crosshair, but Hunter couldn't see that he'd been knocked out by the krykna's last attack, one spindly leg the size of a cruiser slamming into his side. Hunter himself was trapped, hands scrambling to free his leg from the cave's crevice even as he yelled. Tech noted, in the dim way his mind noticed most things during a crisis, that he was now using his knife for leverage, cutting into his calf in the process, uncaring. Meanwhile, Wrecker was overwhelmed by the krykna's cluster, something about his size and boisterous nature attracting them like... well. Like kryknas to a clone. Echo was trying to help, but the planet's magnetic field had been messing with his prosthetics ever since they'd landed. Tech saw them both disappear under a small mountain of the creatures, yelling Omega's name all the while. 

And Tech... he was running. Yes. He realized that now, legs pounding across the ground, heedless of the numerous arachnid bodies that crunched beneath his boots. He couldn't say that his attention was solely on Omega, her face now just inches from the krykna's pincers. It never was. Tech couldn't help but catalogue a hundred other observations as she neared death's door, most of them quite distressing. Like the difference in height between him and his brothers. Or his abysmal scores in sprinting back on Kamino. Omega was at least five meters away whereas the krykna, most assuredly, was not. 

I'm going to lose another one, Tech thought as his next laborious pant turned into a sob. Probability proves it. 

Thank the Maker his calculations were incomplete. 

Later, the five of them would describe the sensation as akin to static electricity. Even Crosshair, unconscious, would say that he'd felt something passing along his skin, heedless of armor and all the more disconcerting for being... impossible. An impossible memory. Only Tech and Hunter saw it though, the moment when the krykna rose off the ground and flew, all five tons of it, slamming into the opposite wall where its skull caved in like an over-ripe fruit. 

Omega sat with her little hand outstretched, looking just as dumbfounded as her brothers. When he finally reached her, Tech found evidence of the krykna's teeth on either side of her neck. They'd only just punctured the skin. 

A moment of certain death, averted through instinct. Destiny? Perhaps some combination of the two. 

"It's okay. You're okay. Omega, please breathe for me." 

Tech was blessed — sometimes cursed — with an extraordinary memory, the ability to recall not just books' worth of information, but images in perfect clarity too. Superimposed over a sobbing Omega was a cadet from his youth. No one important. No one whose name Tech had bothered to learn, uninterested in remembering it against his will. But the boy's words had already been spoken. 

"Kriff, maybe we're wrong, vod! Maybe the defect will get a Jedi. After all, don't they say the Force works in mysterious ways?" 

An insult, a taunt, and now perhaps a speck of wisdom that Tech should have heeded. He pulled Omega into his arms, one gloved hand sinking into her curls, the other wrapping tight around her waist. He'd performed this gesture a hundred times before, but this time it felt like something slotted into place. 

"There you are," Tech whispered and for now, he'd pretend that this was nothing more than a reassurance. 

[babysfirstpentagram]

How to cross reference: a guide by a white person on the cultural appropration of bipoc

As stated in the title, I am a white person. Because of that, I try to be very cautious of my craft and practice, as to not encouch on others cultures. Now, how do I know what’s okay to do and what is not okay to do? What if one person says something and another person says the opposite. Here are a few tips and tricks I use to make sure I’m staying in my lane and being respectful.

For each scenario, I am just adding random names. This isn’t a call out post and I am sorry if I said your name. 

Scenario One: Learn what each person’s culture is. 

Let’s say that recently you saw a video on that famous clock app about aligning your chakras. The original poster, let’s call him Thomas, says he has no connection with Hinduism or Buddhism in a livestream, he just likes learning about chakras because he heard from someone that they are allowed to be used by everyone. He doesn’t name who told him that or give you anymore information before moving on. Later that same day, Alice says that chakras are a closed practice, and even though everyone has them, only people practicing Hinduism or Buddhism can manipulate them. Alice goes on to tell you how her grandmother, a lady from India that practices Hinduism, would help people’s Chakras back home. Who do you believe? 

Well, as stated, Thomas isn’t a Hindu or Buddhist. He has no connection to the religions minus knowing about Chakras. However, Alice is directly connected to the religion and goes on to explain how she is connected to it. In this situation, someone from that culture directly is telling you that it is closed, so you would listen to her. 

Scenario Two: Same culture, different Ideas

What if two people from the same culture have differing standpoints? Well, then you just leave it alone! Don’t practice it until an obvious side is shown through the majority of the people that practice that culture. A quick rule of thumb: if it is associated with a group of people that have been oppressed by white colonizers or it is directly stated that it is a heritage thing and only family and blood can practice it, its probably closed!

So, say that Eren is part of the Ojibwe tribe. They are continuously stating that dreamcatches are closed and were only adapted by whites for aesthetic purposes. On the other hand, Aja is also apart of that tribe and is happily telling everyone that Eren is just trying to gatekeep something that is beautiful. What do you do then? 

Well, just assume its closed until multiple people from that tribe are telling you it’s okay to use it! Until then, keep your hands off of it! 

Now, what if you’re not white, but you want to practice a culture you don’t belong to? Its still closed! Native cultures are only open to other natives, even some tribes don’t share with other tribes as things can be extrememly sacred. This goes for Native Americans and Native African Tribes! Just because you aren’t white, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to listen to when others are telling you that their culture is closed and sacred to them. Just please be considerate about everyone’s cultures, read up on them, learn if they are closed or open and to what extent. Do not cherry pick the good and forget the bad. 

I hope I got everything right, and if I messed something up please correct me. At this point in time, I will only be accepting critizism from bipoc only, as this is an issue that deals with them. I would like them to educate me, not butthurt white people that are mad that they can’t keep colonizing cultures. 

Remember that ily (/p) and dont forget to drink some water today! 

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

today i astral project giant, curious merboy w/ frightened researcher into your mind. tomorrow? who knows

Tomorrow is when you get your request filled you babey boi

--

“E-easy now, l-let’s ju-woah! Hey!”

It was too late for Stella’s squirming to do her any good as long, clammy fingers tightened themselves around her already battered body to lift her much higher than she would have appreciated. She couldn’t help a small wince when she felt her arms be uncomfortably squeezed against her ribs, the left side of which was undoubtably bruised from her topple earlier. The grip only pressed more at her pathetic struggles, forcing out her exhale much rougher than intended.

“Pl-lease,” she gasped, practically immobile in the creature’s hold which seemed to be the desired affect, “y-you’re hur-hurting me...!”

And just like that, the pressure that had once been constricting her disappeared. Even more wonderfully, solid ground seemed to return under her shaky legs which she was grateful to collapse. Or so she thought. A couple inhales sucked in to clear the splotches that pulsed in the corner of her vision revealed she had merely been traded from one hand to the other, trapped high above in an open palm as opposed to a clenched fist. Best not to look a gift horse in the mouth, she supposed.

Or fish, she supposed again.

With a shaky sigh, Stella forced her eyes up (and up and up) until they met with  wide ones, blinking down at its tiny capture. She couldn’t keep up the staring contest very long, however, not with how unnerving those black scleras were. Instead, she found her gaze shifting towards its mouth that could certainly fit her inside in one bite, perhaps even a rowboat if it tried. At that moment, it chirped at her, something loud and grating and immediately making her cover her ears for protection, but not without getting a glimpse of those jagged fangs.

From a scientific standpoint, this was one of the most stunning discoveries in her career, hell, in anyone’s career in the history of marine biology. A genuine mermaid...er, man, if she were to assume based purely on physical observation. A dozen questions ran through her mind focused on understand how on earth each component of his body functioned. Respiratory, circulatory, vision, hearing, homeostasis, smell, bone structure and density, muscle to fat ratio, everything and more!

Unfortunately, she doubted those inquiries would be answered anytime soon, if ever. 

The monster chittered again much more quietly, practically a rumble in his throat as his other hand hovered closer. Try as she might to flinch away, there was really no where else to go besides down into the icy waters below. She watched the thick claws adorning each finger inch closer, bracing for the sensation of being flayed like some sort of sick vengeance for all his seafood brethren she had ever eaten. Actually, given his size and muscular build alone, there was no way this thing was a vegetarian, so there better not be any judgement on that front!

Surprisingly enough, the claws just missed nicking any part of her skin in favor for the pad of his finger to rub against the top of her head, slowly, hesitantly even. Stella grimaced at the action but let it be, holding still as best her trembling form was able to while his petting built up more confidence, now sliding from her crown to where the coils ended at her shoulders. She let out a yip when he yanked her hair in an attempt to rub the foreign texture between his thumb and forefinger, immediately releasing the frizzy locks at the sound of her distress. 

His curiosity didn’t stop there, however. She was well aware of the irony of the situation--the researcher being studied by the subject and all that (at least, she hoped that’s what he was doing rather than sizing her up for a meal). Considering this was her first time ever encountering a merperson during one of her weekend escapades along the coastline, it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine this was his first time meeting a strangely sized hybrid species as well. Maybe those local legends about sea monsters and sirens held a little bit of truth after all, he was certainly as destructive as the stories foretold of these deadly creatures.

And, the scientist side of her couldn’t help but reason with the merman. She was, after all, encroaching on his natural territory in a foreign vessel, was it truly so unexpected for it to attack? ‘Attack’ was perhaps too strong of a word. Investigate was more like it, the way it grabbed and shook her tiny boat in an effort to see what was inside this weird, floating habitat until she came tumbling out on deck. On the bright side, at least Lorelei coming down with strep the night before saved her research partner from meeting the same fate as her right now. On the downside, she was going to meet said fate alone, her true ending forever a mystery outside of these waters.

The question was: what the hell was her fate meant to be? The way his fingers and touches roamed her body continued to reassure her that she probably wasn’t going to be a menu speciality for another few moments, but beyond eating her, what other uses could he have for her? He pinched her legs and arms to bend at the joints, especially fascinated at how articulate her lower half was in comparison to his own. It was almost like he was looking for a tail where one should obviously be, trying to piece together how these two split fins could work together as one. His fingers brushed against her waist and trailing up to her neck. Gill placement, maybe? From just how close his nails were coming to her jugular, Stella feared she might just get a few extra breathing slits if she so much as hiccuped.

It was all well and good until the fingers glided back down over her chest, pushing past the soaked lapels of her coat to the swell of her cleavage, his claw eagerly slipping under the buttons of her blouse to pop a few off. Stella turned bright red, her body heating up so much that she was sure he could feel it against the cool flesh of his palm where she sat. With an indignant shriek, she slapped the digit away from her body, quickly covering herself with her lab coat as best she could.

“No, thank you!” She scolded, leveling a glare with the creature. “Don’t do that!”

She didn’t even have time to register what consequences might befall her actions of threat displaying a massive sea predator, not with how his ear fins flattened against his head and he jerked his hand away as if she had burned him with her touch. In his defense, he did look rather guilty, rumbling again in his throat like he was offering an apology. He tilted his head at her, repeating the noise and it was then she realized he probably didn’t actually know what was wrong, rather he was asking why it was wrong. Oh, yeah. Different species, different cultures, different takes on reproductive accessories.

“You just, y-you don’t touch people like that, okay?” He grumbled something at her and though she didn’t understand it, she knew that tone well enough to roll her eyes. “Because I said so. Why d-”

Stella froze. The monster was still pouting at her reply, but her lengthy pause paired with her suddenly shocked expression made him chirp again in question. She searched his eyes, now well aware of the deep blue iris hidden within the inky abyss around it. 

“You...c-can you understand me...?”

He furrowed his eyebrows before giving a single nod. Uh, yeah, duh? I’ve been responding to you this entire time, haven’t I? is what the expression conveyed.

“Holy shit...” she whispered. A smile was quick to tug at her cheeks, looking back at him with twinkling brown eyes. “Holy shit! You can understand me! Y-you’re...you’re intelligent!”

The creature narrowed his gaze and she quickly held up her hands in a placating motion. “I-I mean, obviously, you were always intelligent, just i-in terms of, like...you know, whatever, let’s just start over, um...” She ran a hand through her newly tangled mess of curls, shaking her head in disbelief. “Oh my god, I don’t even know where to begin!”

A quick look down at her capsized boat had her reconsider. Stella wondered how much of her research and equipment inside was totally trashed as a result of being broken or waterlogged. Oh well. Literally none of that mattered right now, not when filters could be replaced and notes reprinted and one of the greatest specimens of her lifetime was three inches in front of her.

Biting her lip, she glanced between the boat and the merman. “Actually, do you, um, think m-maybe you could fix...that? And maybe put m-me down while you’re at it...?”

For a moment, he only blinked at her, silently debating her request. It was long enough to make her start to shift nervously, wondering if she had managed to misread the entire situation and was foolish to make such demands when she was still considered a food source. Thankfully, he complied and righted her boat with ease, gently depositing her on the slick deck. The rocking of the sea still caused her to slip and fall ass first on the ground, though it mattered little to her with the way her legs still felt like jelly.

A shadow engulfed her, trilling ringing in her ears from above which made her groan. “I’m fine, just...give me a minute here.” Slowly, Stella sat back up and pulled her legs towards herself until she could sit criss-cross, digging her (thankfully) waterproof handheld from her pocket to pop out the stylus, tapping and scribbling on the screen. The creature lowered himself deeper into the water until only his shoulders and above were visible, swimming around to the edge of the boat to try and see what she was doing on the tiny device. He braced his hands on the side of the hull, nearly capsizing it again, which was probably what he did the first time when she had been down in the cabin, and only letting go when Stella cried out at being toppled for the umpteenth time.

When the boat ceased most of its swaying, she fixed another sharp glare at the creature who hunched a little further into the salty waters. “Okay, rule number one, no more touching this boat. Got it?” She was half tempted to add or me in there, but...well, they could cross that bridge if something came up about that later. Regardless, he nodded at her and she sighed, repositioning herself to lean against the cabin door for a little extra stability.

“So, ever play twenty questions?”

[sindrafalcone]

Adventures in Babysitting pt. 4

Fandom: BIGBANG/ Choi Seung Hyun x reader

Synopsis: A babysitting job turns into something unexpected…

Warnings: Still fluff, with a bit of steam  at the end.

Author’s Note: Surprise! I wrote this part right after finishing the last one. I was on a roll. lol But, fair warning, part 5 will probably take me a little while. Still I hope you all enjoy this one. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. This story contains fictional representations of real people. None of the events are true. This is from an American standpoint, so some of the situations may not happen the same way they might in Korea. I make no money from the writing of this fictional work.

Masterlist

Part 1   Part 2  Part 3

“There is no way I'm prepared to have this conversation without alcohol.” Seunghyun said as the two of you hung up your coats and slid out of your shoes.

You simply murmured your agreement as he headed off to the kitchen, presumably for more wine.

The taxi ride back to the hotel had been awkward, to say the least. You'd kind of run out of things to talk about & neither of you wanted to discuss the proverbial 'elephant in the room' until you got back to the hotel.  So most of the ride was spent in awkward silence in between bits of random small talk.

In just a few moments you were both seated on the sofa facing each other, just as you had earlier that same evening, glasses of liquid courage in hand.

“I guess the best way is to just tell you...” he said, taking a deep gulp of his wine.

You nodded in encouragement. “Like a band-aid, all at once.”

“I'm a rapper.” Seunghyun blurted. The look of disbelief on your face only made him talk even faster.

“Well, I'm a rapper, an actor and a sometimes model. I'm part of an incredibly popular group, Bigbang. They call us the “Kings” of Kpop. So, that's why Mrs. Tran recognized me.”

“And that explains why you wanted to eat in the private room.” you smiled at him. “I thought maybe you had a phobia of crowds.”

He laughed a little at that. “Well, I don't really like crowds. But only because if I get recognized, it can cause a mob scene.” “You're really that popular?”

“It's worse in Asia.” he admitted. “But it can happen anywhere. We have to be really careful.”

You took a sip of your own wine, gears turning in your head; and it was then that sudden comprehension dawned on you. It took all that you had to not spit it out in surprise & Seunghyun watched in concern as you choked a little.

“Wait a minute...” you managed to gasp. “Is your name Choi Seunghyun?” you tried to keep your voice level.

He nodded sheepishly.

“I'm such an idiot...” you lightly smacked your hand up against your forehead before taking another drink. “I've been spending the entire evening with THE Choi Seunghyun and I didn't even realize it.”

“So, you've heard of the group then?” Seunghuyn asked, his voice a little bitter, thinking that perhaps you'd been leading him on all night.

You shook your head.  “No, that's not it... Um, maybe it will help if I spill my secret now. Do you happen to still have that pamphlet from the museum?”

“Yeah. It's in my coat pocket.”

“Would you mind going to get it, please? It'll make this a lot easier.” you murmured.

Seunghyun gave you a curious glance before setting his glass down on the table. Unfolding himself from the couch, he strode over to the entryway of the room & dug around in the inside pockets of his coat for a bit before he found the piece of folded paper. He handed it to you before sitting back down & to your surprise, he plunked the fortune cookies from the restaurant on the table as well. You felt yourself swallow thickly as you set your own glass down.

“Okay, so the Surrealist exhibit... you liked it, right?” you asked, bending the paper and folding it so that the back was prominently displayed.

He bobbed his head eagerly. “I loved it. It was both innovative and immersive. Not to mention that it featured work by some of my favorite artists.”  

“I'll take that as a compliment.” you told him, feeling the heat rise to your face at his genuine words.

Seunghyun looked confused, so you handed him the pamphlet, shyly pointing at the bottom of the paper.

His eyes scanned over a list of names that he didn't know; donors, directors, and managers of the museum... until he came to a line that stopped him cold. Surrealist Exhibit Curator: __________ ______________.

He pointed where your finger had just left. “That's.... that's your name. You're the curator of the exhibit I've been dying to see for  months?”

You tried your best not to be offended by the disbelief you thought you heard in his voice. “Yeah, that's me. Surprise... I guess? Small world.”

Seunghyun sat there in stunned silence for a moment as he thought things out, giving you the perfect opportunity to finish off the wine in your glass. He drank the rest of his as well, then poured fresh for you both.

“I thought...” he began, his voice soft. “I thought you worked there as a tour guide.” “Technically, I do.” you sighed. “I have a masters degree in art history, as well as a minor in public relations. It helps with the marketing and fundraising aspects.” you explained before sighing heavily. “But the job market to be a curator is stupidly competitive, not to mention, heavily dominated by men. So... I took what I could.” you had another sip of wine, slower this time because you could feel it starting to go to your head. “I figured I could start at the bottom and work my way up.”

“And you finally convinced them to let you curate an exhibit.” he said, taking his own drink. “How?”

You shrugged. “The Museum chief envisioned Surrealism and no one else wanted to do it. So, I more-or-less pulled double time for a few months while I put it together.”

“Did they pay you more?” Seunghyun asked, anger evident in his voice.

You just shook your head. “Not in the budget.”

He snorted. “Bullshit. I'll bet the chief gave himself a nice, fat bonus with the money that should have gone to you for all that extra work. And all you got was your name on the back of the tour pamphlet... in tiny print... at the very bottom.” Seunghyun grimaced and took a drink.

“No need to rub it in.” you grumbled, looking down at your feet, face flaming in embarrassment.

“No! That's not what I meant...Ugh, I'm making a mess of this.” he gently took the wine glass from your hand & set both his and yours down, then he turned back to you. Seunghyun slowly reached out his hand and settled the tips of his long fingers under your chin, gently moving your head up until you were looking into his eyes. “I'm not trying to make fun of you. If anything, I am enraged on your behalf. What they did to you was wrong and you shouldn't have to tolerate it.”

“I can't afford to quit.”you sniffed. “Besides, I get to lead people through the exhibit every day and see their reactions to it... good or bad. Most don't really appreciate it, at least... not the way you did. But it gets people thinking.”

“Wait...” Seunghyun said, reaching out and taking your hands in his. “Just a minute ago, you were shocked that you had spent the evening with “THE” Choi Seunghyun & hadn't realized it. What did you mean by that? If you don't know me by my music or acting, then...” he let the sentence hang there, unsaid.

You took a deep breath and blew it out awkwardly. “Mark has been trying to get me to agree to meet with you for months. I've kept putting him off, mostly because I can't afford to fly out there right now. But... I've heard your name come up in the art circles occasionally & I'll admit, I felt intimidated....”

“Mark?” he interrupted. “Mark Grotjhan?”

“The one and only.” you laughed. “We met a while back when our museum was doing a showcase of his work. And he helped me get in touch with some artists and donors when I was curating for the Surrealist exhibit.”

“Wow...” Seunghyun breathed. “It really is a small world.”

“I know, right? What are the odds that I ended up being your babysitter for tonight? I mean, you got to see the exhibit, which otherwise would have been closed. And I got to meet you... even if I didn't realize it was you at the time.”

“Why did he want you to meet with me?”

“Connections, I think. You know how the art world works as much as I do. It's all about who you know and what influence you have.”

Seunghyun nodded. “That makes sense.” Then he surprised you by pulling out his phone and patting his thigh.

You just shot him a questioning look. “What?”

“We may as well let him know we found each other.” he laughed. “Come here, _________.”

The way that smile lit up his face, especially his eyes, had you crawling across the couch and  into his lap before he could change his mind. The two of you put your heads close to each other and smiled for one picture. Then Seunghyun made a funny face, so you did too & he snapped another. He took a few more with various poses before he seemed satisfied.

You sat there while he typed out a quick message and sent it, not knowing what else to do. But you did notice that he still had the smile plastered on his handsome face. Once he was finished he looked over to you, seeming to realize for the first time that you were still in his lap.

It could have been your imagination or the wine, but it seemed like his expression completely changed. One second, he had a boyish grin and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. The next, it had shifted to a look of pure hunger, with maybe just a touch of lust.

You cleared your throat. “Um... we, uh... still haven't eaten our fortune cookies.” you tried lamely, pointing to where he had left them on the table.

“Is that so?” his voice practically purred.

You felt one of his arms snake its way around your waist as he leaned forward to grab one off the table. Seunghyun settled back into the sofa, arms still around you as he unwrapped the cookie and broke it. He offered up half to you, which you took, surprising him by just grabbing it from his fingers with your mouth. He popped the other half  into his before unfolding and reading the piece of paper it had contained:

You are very talented in many ways.

As you read the fortune, you started laughing. It began as a small chuckle and just progressed further and further, until it was an outright, full on belly laugh. You could feel the tears just beginning to prick the sides of your eyes when he finally spoke.

“I don't see what's so funny.” Seunghyun deadpanned around a mouthful of cookie. “I am very talented in many ways.”

His statement only made you laugh harder. It took you a few minutes, but when you realized that he wasn't laughing, you began to recover enough so that you could finally explain. “Don't tell me you don't know how to play the game!” you finally managed to wheeze.

“Game?” he asked, genuinely intrigued. “What game?”

“The fortune cookie game!” you sat up straighter. “One of my friends in college taught it to me because we would get Chinese takeout at least once a week.”

“So what exactly is this game and why is it so funny to you?”

You suddenly felt a little embarrassed. “Well you, um... you take your fortune and add 'in bed' to the end of  it.” you felt your voice trail off at the end.

“You are very talented in many ways...” he paused. “... in bed?”

You nodded and giggled again slightly. “Sometimes it works out and it's really funny like that one. Other times it doesn't really make sense, but it's still fun to try.”

“I don't see how this one is funny...” his voice rumbled darkly.

You were about to get up, afraid that you had  possibly offended him, when Seunghyun took gentle hold of your shoulders firmly keeping you in place. And that's when you felt it.... his lips pressing softly onto the side of your neck.

“I am very talented in many ways...”  he asserted again, his breath ghosting across your heated skin.

[sage-nebula]

So, the good news: Ghetsis was not redeemed, he isn’t going to have a relationship with N moving forward, and although N was shown to wish things could be different between them, ultimately the whole situation was treated with the seriousness and gravitas that it deserved and N never once forgot the abuse that Ghetsis put him through, nor was he at any point willing to just brush it aside. In that regard, I’m very glad for how Masters handled the situation. 

With that said, though, the writing in Masters made me realize something else about how child abuse stories are handled in Pokémon, and that something else is . . . not good. Namely, I’ve realized there is a significant difference between how child abuse stories in Pokémon are handled depending on whether the abusive parent is blood related to the child or not.

First and foremost, let’s get this out of the way: There is a social stigma in Japan against adoption. This isn’t to say that children never get adopted, but that culturally adoption is looked down upon in comparison to having biological children, and as a result there are only a few hundred adoptions each year in comparison to the thousands of kids living in orphanages. (Although this isn’t purely stigma, since in Japan the biological parents can still retain legal guardianship over their children in the orphanages and can therefore prevent them from being adopted by families as well. They don’t do this maliciously, but instead might think, “I will be able to care for my child later” even if that never comes to pass.) Additionally, I’ve read before that the stigma is why adopted children often don’t refer to their adopted parents as “mother” or “father” but I can’t find that source now, so take that with a grain of salt.

Anyway, the point of me saying all of that is: Japan has a stigma against adoption and Pokémon is a video game series created by Japanese people. Therefore, it stands to reason that Japanese cultural beliefs (such as the importance of blood family over adopted family) can make its way into the series, even if the series itself is a worldwide phenomenon that they know will absolutely stretch beyond Japan’s borders . . . and I think that’s what has happened here, intentionally or otherwise. Basically, whether an abusive parent in Pokémon is redeemed or not seems to have very little to do with the severity of the abuse (including that which is shown to the audience), but instead everything to do with whether their children are biologically related to them or not.

First, let’s take a look at the abusive parent that was redeemed, Lusamine. In Sun & Moon specifically Lusamine is not once shown being anything but abusive to her children. Lillie tells a story of how Lusamine was kind to her a couple times in the past (dancing in the rain, co-sleeping when Lillie was sick), but that falls in line for abusive parents. Abusive parents generally aren’t abusive 24/7; there’s a well-known cycle of abuse which contains a “honeymoon period” stage in which, typically after an apology and a promise to do better, the abuser treats the victim kindly, which usually results in the victim believing that the abuser really does love them and that whatever abuse comes later (and it always does come later) is in fact the victim’s fault on some level, for failing to keep things stable. Regardless, we know that not only did Lusamine abuse both Gladion and Lillie terribly in the past (to the point where Lillie has trauma surrounding even the clothes she wears and has trouble getting new ones), but we also see her verbally and emotionally abuse them on-screen, and then we see her attempt to murder Lillie during the climax. While Lusamine was retooled into being a well-intentioned extremist in Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon, we again see her verbally abuse her children on-screen, to the point where when Hau says that Lusamine really isn’t a bad person after all, we see Gladion grimacing in the background. All told, we see Lusamine emotionally, verbally, and (with her attempted murder in SM) physically abuse her children on-screen, and yet she is still forgiven by them pretty much immediately, redeemed, and treated as if they’re a happy family with just a few unfortunate bumps in their history. I’ll note here, for anyone who isn’t already aware, that Lusamine is Gladion and Lillie’s biological mother, and this is obvious by how similar they all look even if you weren’t told repeatedly.

Now let’s look at the abusive parent that is not redeemed, Ghetsis. In the first set of Unova games, Black & White, most of Ghetsis’ abuse of N happens off-screen and isn’t revealed until the climax. Ghetsis had N raised in a castle underground where he was cut off from society. He was brought pokémon that had been abused so that he could be manipulated into thinking that all humans abused pokémon and that pokémon needed to be liberated therefore. Because Ghetsis needed N to act as King of Team Plasma and control the legendary dragon, Ghetsis didn’t directly abuse N during this time. Instead, he neglected him (N was primarily raised by his sisters, Concordia and Anthea), and psychologically abused him via manipulative lies about what the rest of the world was like. It isn’t until the climax when N has decided to disband Team Plasma and listen to what the player has to say that Ghetsis brings out the verbal abuse, calling N “a freak without a human heart” and revealing that he was only ever using N all along. In the sequel games, Ghetsis is similarly openly hostile to N again, showing that he has no intentions whatsoever of being a good father to him. He’s pretty terrible to him, even if we didn’t see very much of it (particularly in comparison to what we saw with the Aether family, whose abuse was also much more realistic than N’s situation), and pretty much no one would want him to be redeemed. But also it’s important to note that N and Ghetsis, despite having the same hair color, are for whatever reason NOT biologically related. 

And this is hammered home time . . . and time . . . and time again, particularly in this Masters event.

Now, I think most of us would agree that it would be hard to find a woman who would want to procreate with Ghetsis. Granted, Ghetsis isn’t the type of person who would care about consent, but I do think it’s reasonable to assume that Game Freak probably wanted to avoid those thoughts, even though it could have been very easily solved by having a female Sage who was also Ghetsis’ baby mama / wife (similar to how Ariana, one of Giovanni’s executives, is very obviously Silver’s mother). So I mean, from a taste standpoint, I can see why they wanted to go the adoption route with Ghetsis, even though they still made him and N have green hair despite not being biologically related for some reason.

But.

I still think it’s noticeable that they have the irredeemable abusive parent be the one who both had the least amount of on-screen abuse (and also the least realistic abuse) and also be the adopted parent, versus the one they bent themselves into pretzel shapes to redeem be the one with the most on-screen abuse (and most realistic abuse) who also happened to be the biological parent. The message that sends, to me, is that it doesn’t matter how badly you abuse your children in this world so long as you are their biological parent. In the end, you will be forgiven and they are beholden to you as family. Versus if you’re an adoptive parent . . . well, you were never as important anyway, so. I mean, why else would Lillie leave her loving adoptive parents of Kukui and Burnet to go back to her abusive mother in Sun & Moon? Clearly the blood ties were just that much more important. (Granted, Kukui and Burnet hadn’t officially adopted her, but they as good as. I’ll never stop being infuriated by that ending.)

 This is, to a lesser extent, even shown with Giovanni and Silver’s situation. Giovanni was, to our knowledge, never actually abusive toward Silver; in the one conversation we see them have in HeartGold & SoulSilver, Silver’s main issue is that he doesn’t understand why Giovanni is disbanding Team Rocket after losing to Red, and also he doesn’t get why Giovanni needs so many underlings to begin with. He thinks Giovanni is weak, and Giovanni just tells him that he’s wrong without really bothering to explain things. At most, Giovanni is aloof and distant with Silver, which makes Silver angry, but Silver’s bigger issue is with Team Rocket as a whole. Giovanni’s definitely not a good father, but he’s not an abusive parent on par with Lusamine or Ghetsis from what we’ve been shown, and the implication is there that they could potentially repair their relationship in the future. Even in this event, the tension between them wasn’t bad, just complicated.

But . . . they’re also biologically related. Silver is Giovanni’s son, we’ve been told this a million times, and it’s very obvious that Ariana is his mother. They’re biologically related. And so, even though Giovanni is routinely touted as one of Pokémon’s most fearsome villains, Silver will never actually cut him off completely / be able to do that because Giovanni is his biological father. The fact that Team Rocket is based on yakuza probably complicates things even further there, but all the same. If Silver had been adopted by Giovanni, I’m pretty positive that Giovanni wouldn’t care / Silver would cut him off entirely. It wouldn’t be seen as a “real” family.

And this all bothers me, because not only was my biological mother abusive, but my stepmother was the only one who treated me as a mother should treat her child. Similarly, my biological sister was complicit and even participated in the abuse I suffered as a child, but my stepbrother whom I’ve known practically my whole life is the sibling I’d ride or die with. To me, biological ties mean jack shit. Family doesn’t begin or end with blood; to treat non-blood relations as lesser is something that will never fail to raise my hackles. So to see it handled this way in one of my favorite franchises of all time . . . yeah, it’s more than a little upsetting. I understand why it’s happening, I’m fully aware of the cultural context that this series is being written in, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it, because I don’t.

And before anyone gets it twisted:

Both Lusamine and Ghetsis can rot in hell, NEITHER should have been redeemed. This is NOT me complaining about Ghetsis being treated as the piece of shit he is, but rather my anger at the fact that Lusamine got a pass because she birthed the children she abused, and Masters making that abundantly clear by having N and Ghetsis state in every single chapter of this event that they weren’t blood related. 

But anyway, it’s nearly 4am, and I need sleep. I can continue being angry about Pokémon’s handling of abusive parents at a later date.

[eretzyisrael]

Israel’s Second Struggle for Independence

The USA has been Israel’s greatest friend and supporter in recent years.

It is also Israel’s biggest problem.

Our dependence on American military aid has sharply limited our freedom of action, distorted our decisions about procurement of weapons, crippled the development of our own military industries, corrupted our decision-makers, and damaged our standing as a sovereign state.

It is true that on some occasions Israel has acted against America’s wishes, such as the bombing of the Iraqi nuclear reactor in 1981. It is also true that far more frequently, Israel has been forced to bow to US demands, even when they are not in her best interests. In several wars and smaller operations, cease-fires have been dictated by American pressure, although Israel would have preferred to continue fighting longer in order to achieve a decisive victory. During the Gulf War, the US prevented Israel from retaliating for Iraqi Scud attacks. In peacetime, US pressure has prevented Israel from building in Judea and Samaria, and forced Israel to accept Palestinian demands for the release of prisoners. American opposition was a major factor in the decision not to attack Iranian nuclear facilities in the 2010-2012 period.

Israel’s relationship with the US has been better or worse depending on the direction of political winds there, but pressure to reverse the outcome of the 1967 war has been a constant ever since – with the notable exception of the Trump administration, which for the first time recognized Israeli rights to Jerusalem and the Golan heights. But now it seems that the US is taking a turn in the other direction; and this time – thanks to Israel’s conclusive loss of the cognitive war for the consciousness of American elites, the partisan division of attitudes toward Israel, and the new strength of the radical Left in American politics – our time in the wilderness may turn out to be much longer than before.

The inroads being made by elements hostile to Israel into the American educational system, previously limited to higher education, but now reaching into high school and even grade school levels, are troubling. The “intersectional” connections being made between every progressive cause, and the politicization of almost every field of endeavor, have injected the issue of Israel vs. the Palestinians into places where it was not found before.

This is a problem, because our enemies – particularly Iran – are taking advantage of the less pro-Israel climate in the US. The Biden Administration, which has already significantly released the pressure on Iran, appears to be galloping toward a full removal of sanctions, whether or not it will gain significant leverage over their nuclear weapons program. Trump’s sanctions had sent the Iranian economy into a tailspin, which helped energize the Iranian opposition to the repressive and backward regime of the Ayatollahs. Even today, Iranians are in the streets protesting against the regime. But the removal of sanctions will not help them; the regime will funnel cash into its nuclear program, into the pro-Iranian militias in Iraq, Yemen, and Syria, and to build up Israel’s most dangerous enemy, Hezbollah.

At the same time, the Biden Administration, which has staffed its echelons dealing with the Middle East with people less than friendly to Israel – including some with a history of anti-Israel activism (see here, here, and here) – has already restored funding to the Palestinian Authority and UNRWA, plans to re-open the Jerusalem consulate, the unofficial “US Embassy to the State of Palestine” in Jerusalem, and to allow the PLO to restore its embassy in Washington.

A recent poll shows that the Democratic Party, which now controls the House, Senate and the Presidency, has moved significantly away from its formerly solid support for Israel in recent years, with sympathy for Israel among Democrats maintaining a slight edge of only 3 percentage points over sympathy for the Palestinians. The “liberal” wing of the party is far worse, with the Palestinians holding a 15% margin over Israel. Younger respondents also were more likely to favor the Palestinians, which argues for a continuation of the trend. And there is a very vocal contingent in the US Congress that is strongly anti-Israel, and not at all constrained from giving voice to the most extreme anti-Israel propaganda.

The Israeli leadership must come to understand that the continued expectation that Israel will receive military and diplomatic support from the US is unrealistic and dangerous. Israel needs to take action now, to reduce its dependence on the US, to increase its freedom of action, and to build up its own resources in important areas.

There is only one way for a small country in a strategic area to obtain independence from the various empires that wish to make it a satellite, and it is difficult and precarious. That is to play the empires off against one another, and to make alliances with other unaligned nations. I believe that Binyamin Netanyahu understood this, and made small but steady progress in this direction. It remains to be seen if the present government, whose foreign policy appears to be in the hands of the obsequious Yair Lapid, can pull this off.

From the military standpoint, Israel needs to be its own main source of supply. That has implications for the kind of military forces it can field. For example, it may be unrealistic to try to maintain a large fleet of the most sophisticated manned combat aircraft. Drones and precision-guided missiles are far less expensive than F-35s, and while they can’t entirely replace conventional aircraft, a small country will find it more practical to produce and maintain them.

There are also economic considerations. Iron Dome is a wonderful thing, but if it costs $100,000 to intercept a $500 rocket, then massive-scale use of it will bankrupt us. It is much less expensive to deter rocket attacks with the threat of forceful reprisals than to depend on antimissile systems to ward them off. The former strategy is more appropriate for a smaller country whose defense budget is not bottomless. I don’t suggest doing away with antimissile systems entirely, just changing our strategy so that we will not need so many of them.

I recommend that we start moving in this direction now, by agreeing with the US to a gradual phase-out of military aid. At the same time, we will have to revitalize our domestic military industries. Barack Obama very cleverly did not decrease the level of military aid we received, to maintain the maximum leverage over our actions. But the percentage of that aid that could be spent outside of the US was set to gradually drop to zero over the next few years. This had the effect of increasing the subsidy that aid to Israel provided to US defense contractors, and weakening Israel’s home-grown industry. This made us more dependent and at the same time reduced the competition to American weapons suppliers in the world market. A win-win-win for the US, but a loss for us.

America is changing in ways that are not good for America, and not good for us. I hope that the political/cultural pendulum in the US will swing the other way. Probably it will, if the nation survives the present storm intact. But here on the other side of the world, Israel’s enemies are not waiting with their hands folded. She will either adapt to the new situation or find herself in deep trouble.

Abu Yehuda

[theseerasures]

DAY TWO UPDATES

i can’t believe i made that “Edelgard von Targaryen” joke and then the Adrastian Empire LITERALLY ended up just being Targaryens

Dimitri is from House Stark but he is both blonde AND a lion, which feels like a conspiracy against me specifically ever remembering his actual last name

which i guess would make the Leicesters the Free Cities, which explains why Claude is brown but not why most of the Golden Deers aren’t, nor why they have a King Lear thing going on

oh hey mom

did you get more elaborate headgear because that dragon circlet was so last century or was that supposed to LEGIT throw us off and make us think you were a different person

“she looks exactly the same but she can’t be the same lady from the prologue dream sequence!!!! no one in any Fire Emblems has ever been strangely youthful, nor have there ever been any weird magical shenanigans”

pROFESSOR???????

this is the most irresponsible school in the world

who accredited this institution???? Tina???

it was the Church wasn’t it

WAIT

school with DEEPLY confounding recruitment practices wrt students/faculty, headed up by a green haired entity who is probably a demigod????? LADY RHEA IS AN OZCARNATION CONFIRMED

seriously some of the students HAVE to be older than me right the main cast looks like the anime version of early Power Rangers with its thirty year old teenagers

or am i a weirdly youthful Manakete too

“the Manakete was inside me all along” feels more literal than it was in Fates

okay seriously tho. WHY Professor Byleth from a storytelling standpoint, except to make Supports extremely weird????

i did the “invite your pals to share a meal” quest and i already felt skeevy doing THAT. they’re not my peers!!! i wield institutional power over them!!!

i realize that i am probably more sensitive to this than most because i have literally been in the situation where i taught undergrads while being of the age where i should have still been an undergrad (i was not) but like. why????? why not just make Byleth a fellow student??? i’m sure in-universe it’s all part of the grand conspiracy with my Witcher Dad but was the Doylist reason literally just “we needed something people could call you that wasn’t your customizable name?”

because lemme tell you every time someone has called me “Professor” thus far my insides have shriveled up

also not...really sure what to make of how early they made me Choose a Side. i suppose on your first playthrough it’s supposed to come off as fairly innocuous, but it doesn’t feel like anyone made enough of an impact for me to really feel the loss of missing out on their story

anyway *heads snaps toward Dorothea’s direction as soon as she introduces herself* AMBASSADOR MONTILYET?????

god Allegra Clark really does have the range doesn’t she

Leonie is v cute, i’m love Dedue, and Petra has done nothing wrong ever in her life

honestly as a non-native speaker of what is now my primary language i AM very into the way they’ve written Petra’s fumbles--mostly with idioms and verb tenses as opposed to like. “me love you long time”

Flayn is also a Little Girl and those don’t exist in Fire Emblem without being a zillion years old so idk she probably is Sothis or Sothis’ niece or somebody Sothis bled on that time she got a Divine Papercut

this game is long

like i already knew that and i certainly don’t RESENT the more robust downtime mechanics--they’re definitely a step up from throwing daikons at my dragon-squirrel in Fates i can tell you that--but it just...is a lot of stuff, before we get to the Fire Emblem bits

mind you i’d probably would’ve enjoyed them more if camera and motion controls in the monastery didn’t give me motion sickness??? like what the fuck that almost never happens with me and third person games

is there a fix for it or is it just better for me to switch to handheld

while we’re at it is there any way to make the subtitles bigger

[dawn-aethwyn]

Crimson Sunshine

[Trigger Warning: Self Harm / Mental Instability]

Process. Nijah needed time alone to process. It made sense. She dumped a lot on her at once. Things she kept to herself all the time from everyone else. It was a lot of heavy stuff, things that would make people think twice before befriending her. So, a reaction like this, taking time to process feelings and thoughts-- this was understandable, right? But then why did it hurt so much? Was she being childish again? She brought her hand up to stare as she rested her head along the back of the porcelain tub.

It was fear that gripped her heart. That harrowing sensation that she might lose the one person who was her source of empathy and relief. Her solid rock to lean on and find balance. The person who helped her regardless of her pain, self-pity, and sadness. Nijah had always been there to offer a guiding hand. Not one that coddled, but one that was there to help her walk on her own two feet again, hovering just far enough away to catch her if she fell. She was always there to offer an objective standpoint or practical solutions to her own perceived problems.

Perhaps it was because of this absence of objectivity or practicality that Dawn felt lost and her mind wandered to more insensible thoughts. The water in the half-filled tub had grown tepid and her exposed flesh felt cold to the touch. She held the tip of the thin blade to her forearm and hesitated. Would this count as another secret? Would this make her lie more? Would this be something she’d have to keep from Nijah? If it never came up, would it ever be an issue? But, what if she found out? What if she needed more space to herself, more time to process things?

What if she processed and realized that she no longer wanted to be around her?

A light moan and a shaky breath escaped her delicate lips as she raked the razor along her flesh. In that precise moment she hadn’t mired herself in what-ifs. It was just the feeling. The physical searing that took away from the pain in her chest. If she was going to hurt herself with a myriad of thoughts that ranged from abandonment and heartbreak, wasn’t this the lesser of two evils? Small lacerations were clean and easy to heal with a bit of conjury, after all. At least she rationalized it that way in her head. But it was just that, wasn’t it? A simple excuse.

Justifications, reasons, excuses, none of those really mattered as she made her second cut; blood from the first trailed down her arm as drips sounded in the water. She didn’t need to worry about the why’s or torment herself mentally anymore. This feeling gave her a distraction. Was this foolish? Was it reckless? She didn’t need to worry herself over the details; what mattered was that the piercing feeling in her chest felt lessened as she cut into her flesh.

‘Weak.’

Harsh judgement came from the voice echoing in her skull. Weak? Of course she was. That’s why she was there in the tub in the first place. She felt the voice slowly creeping in some more and opted to drown it out with another slow and methodical incision.

The voice wouldn’t relent as the soul crystal around her neck began to burn red hot. Her veins nearest the stone darkened and red strands started spreading beneath the flesh-- her flesh felt on fire while the fine branching blood vessels underneath her pale, near translucent skin began to form crimson lines resembling the intricate webbing of a spider or perhaps the splintering of glass that had shattered but retained its form. She dropped the razor and her hands gripped white-knuckle tight on the edges of the tub as her form writhed.

‘If all you want is pain, I can give you that.’

How long had it been since she had been forcibly absorbing the dark aether from the soul crystal? Weeks? Months? The woman it had belonged to, the woman whose voice it was that spoke to her now, had led a sinister life and wielded a grim power reminiscent of those harnessed by Dark Knights; the crystal, of course, was from a long line of those avengers who embraced their emotions to call upon the abyss. They did this to exact vengeance, cold, harsh, and mercilessly upon those that they deemed deserving. These dark deeds and acts find their way to carve themselves upon a person’s soul no matter how well-intentioned. The scars from these acts were carved along with the memories and aether stored in the stone- pieces of their souls; and instead of learning from their whispers and memories, she had been absorbing them.

The most prominent of which was the soul of the woman who was slain in agony by Nijah herself: Adala Himaa. Now Dawn’s soul was entwined with hers and their fates tied together. Whatever remnants that remained of Adala were becoming a part of Dawn. She did her best to keep this change at bay but it would slip out-- in a physical altercation here, a life threatening situation there, a heated work conversation, an argument laden with emotion: anger that seethed from within.

Just when she had found some sense of normalcy in her life everything seemed to work against her.

Some sense of normalcy…

“Nijah!” her eyes shot open and she grabbed the stone, pulling it off her neck and away from her chest. The vessels along her chest began to return back to their natural state and she was able to catch her breath from the searing pain.

‘Oh? Found some inspiration did we? To escape from the pain? I thought you wanted to stop thinking about that?’

“I know! I know I’m weak. Okay?!” she shouted at no one. “Can’t you see that?! Why I’m doing this?! Don’t you know that I know?!” her reddened eyes swelled as tears escaped them. She brought her hands to cover her face and sobbed pathetically.

‘Causing yourself pain, mutilating yourself, that accomplishes nothing. Are you going to sit in your bathtub and do this every time your feelings are hurt or when you want to numb the pain? Or when you’re finally so numb that you do it to feel something? Is that it? Grow up. Face the pain.'

“But it isn’t going away if I don’t do this!” she pleaded.

“And it won’t go away if you keep doing this. You have to face the difficult things. The things that hurt you, the things that you’re afraid to lose, the things you’ve lost. It won’t be over quickly, it never is.”

“It’s not just about how I feel! I-- I d-deserve to…”

‘Oh please spare me the wailing. You feel guilty so you deserve it, right? Penance, as it were? So is it that or that you want the pain to go away. Make up your mind. Weak. Pathetic. Foolish.’

“I told you. I already know that I am!”

‘Then stop. Being. That. Way.’

Dawn sneered and rasped out, “You make it sound like it’s so easy, like I can just flip a switch and things will be all rainbows and butterflies!”

‘Does it have to be one or the other? Suffering or contentment? Not everything is so black and white. Not everything is so absolute. Look at you, it’s either one extreme or the other, mn? There are plenty of shades of gray. And in those shades is where you find truth. Pain is a part of life, and you have to learn to live with it and grow with it.’

“I’ve lived with pain. I’ve known pain. I’ve known suffe-”

Her rebuttal was interrupted by a singular thought from the familiar voice.

‘What would she think of you right now?-- Oh? Cat got your tongue? Go on, tell me about how you’ve learned to live with pain. Look at yourself right now and then say that you’ve learned to live with the pain.’

Her voice was weak and she seemed as if all the strength had been sapped from her as she sank into the water tainted with her own lifeblood, “It’s not the same. When mother died, I learned to live again. When father sailed away, I learned to live again. When I lost my eyes, I learned to live again. I don’t want to learn to live again…”

‘Oh, boo-hoo, is it too hard? Or is it that you can’t anymore without her? Hah. The thought hurts you so. Appropriate. At least you can feel some anguish with me since your loving murderess was the one who killed me. Sounds less like love and more like an obsession to me.’

“And? So what? What if I’m obsessed with someone that I love?”

‘Obsession can kill you.’

“So can love.”

[whosaysitsfantasy]

Juke/Maddison & Charlie

So I just want to address something about Juke and then I’m literally not going to talk about it again, because I’ve seen a few posts about people shipping the actors and then people hating on the ship a little bit because of the age gap and it’s just been frustrating me so I wan’t to kinda get this out and then just get back to enjoying the show. Also Apologies if this upsets anyone but these are my opinions and you in no way have to agree with them I just ask that you read my thoughts fully before passing judgment and to please be respectful.

Here is what I think it is ok to do:

Shipping Luke and Julie together. Why? Because in the show they are both teenagers (16/17). I saw someone say it was kinda gross because the boys should be like 42? which I think is a little ridiculous because if they had lived sure they would have been 42 or w.e. but they didn’t... they died, and it is  canon that to them no time has passed. What this means is that the boys are still mentally, emotionally and physically 17 years old. For this reason the characters are perfectly capable of being together and their biggest obstacle remains Luke being a ghost lol. 

Here is what I think it is NOT ok to do: 

Shipping Maddison and Charlie together in real life. Now I’m going to break down for you why this is gross and not ok and why saying “when she’s 18 he can date her” is also not ok. 

A 16 year old and a 22 year old have two completely different maturity levels. A 16 year old can be mature absolutely but that doesn’t mean that they are at the  same maturity level as a 22 year old. I’m 26 and I can tell you that my maturity changed DRASTICALLY between the ages of 16-24. I use to think I was very mature when I was 16. When I hit 22 and looked back at who I was I realized that I was not nearly as mature as I believed I was and now at 26 I can clearly see the differences in who I was as a person at these ages. I can guarantee that most people (if they’re self aware enough) would agree that their maturity level was completely different as a teenager then it was once they hit their twenties. A lot of this has to do with the simple fact that in your 20′s you’ve typically gained more life experience through jobs, and relationships and higher education your brain has also developed more. Now. Maddison is definitely mature for her age in no way am I claiming she isn’t however it is still very obvious through different interviews and lives I’ve seen of her and of Charlie that they are not at the same level. Mentally, emotionally, physically.They definitely have more of a brother/sister friendship. It’s clear that they care about each other and they can of course get a long as friends but friendship and an intimate relationship are two completely different things. Maddison and Charlie’s maturity’s work fine as a friendship but if you were to factor in intimacy and romance it quickly becomes problematic. Some people might still think that the maturity levels don’t matter. I’m here to tell you it does. 

While I don’t think that Charlie would be the type of guy to ever pressure a girl he is with, that doesn’t mean that the pressure would not still exist. If they were to hypothetically date Maddison could easily feel pressured into participating in things she might not really feel ready for like certain intimate acts, parties ect because she want’s to please her partner or because she might feel like this is what she SHOULD be doing rather then doing what she is emotionally and mentally ready for. That pressure can easily influence someone of a young age who hasn’t had many experiences into doing things they eventually regret or doing things that end up having a negative impact on their mental health and the way they view themselves or even how they view healthy/unhealthy relationships down the line. Now Maddison seems smart and has a good support system but your support system can’t protect you 24/7 in an intimate relationship no matter how hard they try which is why a lot of teenagers end up going through something that they end up wishing they hadn’t done because they didn’t know any better. To also say that he can just “wait” for her to turn 18 is just predatory and gross and suggests that it’s still ok to pursue someone of a young age so long as you wait till they are legal which it is not that still means you wanted to be with a minor even if you wait till they are 18.

Also it is important to note that an actors personal life is NONE of your business. An Actors job is to perform in the show/play/movie that they have been hired to perform in and to then promote that project. That’s it. That is all they owe you and anything else is entirely up to their discretion. You are not owed information about their personal lives and you are not owed a say in who they date. If you like two actors who are dating and you think they are cute that’s fine, if they are sharing their relationship and you want to support it that is fine but you have to understand boundaries. I’ve seen fans overstep in a LOT of fandoms (one example being Lili and Cole from Riverdale) where they attack other people for being close to the people in the relationship or they bother the actors to update them about their relationship ect. It’s disrespectful and it’s honestly not your place regardless of if they have shared information about a relationship previously. It’s also not cool to try to pressure the actors into dating, you don’t know what they are actually like irl you have no idea if they are actually compatible you do not have a full picture of the situation and for that reason your opinion should be kept to yourself.

Finally I want to address the whole Luke & Julie kissing issue because I totally understand why people are a little uncertain about it due to the age gap. Now normally I’d be a little put off by it but I am actually ok with the idea of Luke and Julie kissing on screen and I’m just going to list off quickly below why I think it’s ok and why I wouldn’t get upset if it happened.

1. It is very clear that Maddison’s family (specifically her dad) are very involved with Maddison and her job on JATP. Mr.Reyes is often shown on set with her at rehearsals and during shooting. He was there when they practiced the perfect harmony dance which I personally thought was kinda intimate. I feel better about it because I know she has a strong support system who will be there to ensure that if a kiss DID happen she would be safe because she has her family looking out for her on set.

2. Much like above both Kenny and Charlie are very respectful people who very clearly have a lot of respect and love for Maddison. I also don’t think they would ever put Maddison into a position she was uncomfortable with. If a kiss DID happen I am sure there will be a lot of conversations about it and it would be done in a respectful healthy way.

3. This is a job. They are not kissing because they like each other in real life they are not pursuing anything romantically. They are performing a job that they are being paid for in front of a group of people also performing a job. This for me helps me feel less gross about it because even though they are actually kissing it’s not a ‘real’ romantic kiss. It’ll be a staged one that they have gone over and discussed at length with Kenny.

4. This is a Kenny Ortega project. The show has very clearly established that the relationships are about more than physical intimacy. IF we get a kiss between Julie and Luke we are not going to get more then a PG rated kiss.. hell probably more of a G rated kiss. Not only because this is a project by Kenny but because the actors are different ages. It is also unlikely that we will get more then one maybe two kisses a season. I personally don’t think they’re going to make them kiss in season two I think it might happen if we get season 3 but I would still be ok with a season 2 kiss because again it will probably be very simple and very respectful especially cause it’ll also probably be Julie’s 1st kiss. If they were to have them  make out or something that would be when I would  feel uncomfortable, but that just doesn’t seem like Kenny’s vibe. He’s worked with a lot of young actors and it’s not like they’re going to french kiss or something. Kissing is intimate of course but a small closed mouth kiss is honestly pretty innocent in my opinion especially if done correctly. So it doesn’t bother me much.

5. Finally by the time they get around to filming a season 2 or 3 Maddison will also be a bit older (17 or 18) hopefully so she will also be at an age where it will feel more comfortable for her.

So in conclusion: shipping Juke good, shipping Maddy & Charlie bad and wanting Juke to kiss is acceptable so long as they do it appropriately which from what I’ve seen of the cast and the crew I believe they would. I personally have a lot of faith in the creators of this show it’s clearly a very healthy supportive environment and I trust that they know what they are doing. 

Again these are my personal opinions but I felt like some people weren’t really looking at it from a completely logical standpoint but more of an emotional one which is understandable because its a very serious subject matter and it could very well also be a trigger for many people who’ve gone through something similar. I just needed to get all that off my chest cause this kind of thing can breed negativity in fandoms and thats why I don’t participate in them anymore. and listen if this was a different show with a different cast and crew and creator and they had a 16 year old and a 22 year old kissing I would probably find it more unsettling but I think one of the reasons why we all love this show so much is BECAUSE it is so healthy and because the cast are so involved and vocal about the show. I have no doubt in my mind that Maddison would have the space to speak up if she was uncomfortable and I have no doubt in my mind that Kenny and her family would make sure she was safe.

So anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk and please if you disagree that’s totally ok just don’t be hateful, I’m happy to have discussions but I won’t tolerate rudeness cause at the end of the day it’s a show and it’s out of our hands and I’m not saying you have to agree with me. This is just how I feel about these issues. 

Ok thanks bye <3

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Nicole’s rambling: In the defense of Oliver Ulliva and age gaps

Okay, first let me remind you - this is my POV on the book as a whole. Everyone has their way of understanding of what exactly happened in Call me by your name (the novel) and you don’t have to agree with everything I am about to say - WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE.

Second thing - I’m going to be using translations and page references to my copy of the book - that being the first Czech edition from the year 2018, translated by Lucie Podhorná because it varies from the OG book itself (for example, when Elio talks to Vimini, my copy says "when did he tell you?" instead of "when had he tell her?"; it's just small nuances). Also, that's why I'm referring to Oliver as ‘Oliver Ulliva’, because my copy canonically confirms this being his last name - it refers to his last name being ‘Ulliva’ a few times since Mafalda cracks his egg open.

What made me even wanna write this rant? I don’t wanna in any way talk about the author or the director, or the actors. But... Well, quite a few things - especially the statement that their relationship was predatory since the very begging (simply because Oliver is seven years older) and that it was practically a ‘consensual ra*e’ and... Listen.

1. The Age Gap

Most of these were from the American audience who viewed the movie - but let me explain why Europeans might view this relationship differently and why you might change your opinion about it as well. I am not saying Americans don't do these things as well, but from what I've seen on the forums, etc., it seems to me that European x American view on age gaps is way different.

For the sake of this statement, I interviewed 10 of my European friends - of which were mostly all Czech. Europeans do not see a problem with having a seven-year (and more) age gap between the partners - you rarely find a couple of which both are the same age; three-years being the “standard” gap.

Young people, around 17 - 19, at least in my country, are attracted to older partners for various reasons - some like the intellectual potential of their partner, some are searching for a form of certitude in an older partner having their priorities sorted out and figured out their lives and what they want to do with themselves; whether we are talking about m/m, w/m, w/w or a non-binary relationship. One of my friends told me she searches older partners solely because they feel more protected by them. It's the sense of serenity, a different feeling of connection and different understanding to your other half.

I've talked to four of my friends, who both have partners of the same age or max. 1-year gap and even they told me they absolutely can see themselves dating a partner older by minimally five years. So, it's not a controversial thing here, really.

Maybe it’s more common in here, but rarely anyone frowns upon such relationships. At the time of my first relationship, my first partner was five years older than me - and I honestly couldn’t see myself with someone my age. From my experience, the relationships and bonds have a higher probability to last longer (we had a beautiful relationship of three years), it isn’t only driven by hormonal side of things and such, the feelings can develop into something more meaningful than just simple and shallow lust. More for that matter - most of these age-gap relationships didn't end extra-bad breakups and the partners tended to continue seeing each other as friends.

When I interviewed my friends, asking them about the length of these relationships, it was never less than a year. Usually, they said that they learned a ton of new stuff about themselves and having a healthy, normal relationship than from dating someone their age. So... Yeah. I guess that personal, first-hand experience is what makes us see the relationship for its good and bad, but still assures us not to perceive the relationship as predatory.

Now, you might say that while were living in the 2020s', Call me by your name took place in 1983 - and guess what? It was written in the year 2007. Does that mean something? The answer is - no. My grandma met my grandpa in the 80s' (I asked her about this as well and they have 14 years gap; my other grandma and grandpa met at the end of 80s' and the start of 90s' and they, as well, have 8 years between them) and by this, you can see that the situation is more or less the same as it was.

For all of the above, I can see why Elio fell for Oliver so quickly. First and foremost - he mentions Oliver being older like... Three, four times in a book that has word count 76.996? Elio doesn't care about age - it's a story about two human beings falling in love. It's not trying to research the problem of age and such. Stop judging the story for the wrong reason, ffs.

2. The 'consensual ra*e' argument:

Another thing I've encountered is the audience calling the story 'consensual ra*e'... Let me elaborate and tell you why you're wrong. In America, the age of consent is 16 - 18. In Europe, we have the age of consent established at 15 (the lowest being Estonia with 14) and you are a lawful adult at 18 years old. Given that Elio was 17 in the summer and 18 in November, he was already perceived as an adult; given what were his parents like and what relationship they had to him. (Again, I am looking at the story from today's perspective since the audience did as well). He was a man at the time Oliver came to Italy, he was a man at the time he had sex with Marzia, he was a man when he had sex with Oliver and he was a man when he traveled to Rome.

Elio should be perceived as an adult who carries most of his personal responsibility on his shoulders (since you're more than partially punished for the laws you break from the age of fifteen) and if he decides that he wants to be in a sexual relationship with an older man - he can rightfully do so. Surely, the relationship had another big B U T (for some people) - homosexuality and homophobia. And from the historical standpoint, I don't wanna spend too much time over it. The LGBT movement foundation ties back to 1969; given that Italy was in the capitalistic pro-American part of Europe (Czechia was under the Communist regime at the time, so homosexuality was barbarically punished in my country), I think there wasn't a problem with a subtle, not-too-obvious gay relationship. Sure, you couldn't walk into the open and hold hands and such, but you wouldn't get you beheaded.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not an expert on Italian war history and I don't particularly know what happened with Italy after WW2, but I know that in 1985, first LGBT organization got founding from the republic and from that I assume the situation, especially if it would be a subtle relationship, wouldn't be as bad.

In the story, it is hinted that both Sami and Anella were aware of the whole relationship - I mean, come on. Sami knew (since he had the big speech about being corrupted at the age of thirty, ("I think he's better than me, dad".; "And I am sure he would say the same about you, which both of you makes seem like good people." - Call me by your name, page 221)) and Anella perfectly knew at least in the movie - I mean, the car-ride home? Oh, she knew very well and she even told Marzia at the dinner, IMO.

Now tell me why would the relationship be a consensual ra*e? Because it is not bent to accommodate American laws? Because it not an ordinary every-day relationship? In which way is it ra*e? At the age of 17, you are taken as A D U L T who has their responsibilities to fulfil, at least here in Europe.

3. Oliver didn't love Elio as much as Elio loved Oliver:

... What? I mean... What?

Sure, you are seeing the whole story from Elio's eyes and for that, you are more likely to take Elio's side in this matter. In the end, it was Oliver who was getting married, right? And he was the first one to reach out, right? Well... It was a both-sided thing. At the first few pages, Elio says “"Do you want to look at them? "Not now, maybe later." Polite indifference, as if he noticed my out of place zealous effort to make him like me as he pushed me away briskly."; page 12 and on page 18, Elio states "We started - he must've seen the hints way sooner than I did - to flirt.", let alone that Elio describes that probably, Oliver visited his room while he was asleep.

I can see where the opinion that Elio loved Oliver more could've come from - he was young, hasty and captivated by the entirety of Oliver. Since we see the story by his side, Oliver can seem to be the less active out of the two. But trust me, he loved him the same amount, if not more. This was confirmed by both Sami and Vimini -

Page 92, a conversation between Elio and Vimini, Oliver went to the sea with Anchise:

"Do you know where Oliver is?" "I don't know. I thought he went fishing with Anchise." "With Anchise? He's crazy! He almost killed himself the last time!" No response. She was looking at the sun slowly setting down. "You like him, don't you?" "Yes," I responded. "He likes you too. More than you do - I think." You really think so? - No, Oliver does. - When did he tell you? - Not too long ago.

and page 220, when Sami and Elio talk about their trip to Rome:

"Oliver may be very intelligent—," I began. Once again, the disingenuous rise intonation announced a damning but hanging invisibly between us. Anything not to let my father lead me any further down this road. “Intelligent? He was more than intelligent. What you two had had everything and nothing to do with intelligence. He was good, and you were both lucky to have found each other, because you too are good."

Which obviously shows that both of the people who are indirectly watching the relationship between Elio and Oliver blossom in front of their very eyes are aware that both were very much in love. And Vimini, even if she said 'Oliver does think he loves Elio more', she could see that these two are very much attracted to each other. She was spending a lot of time with Oliver throughout his stay in Italy and she was beyond intelligent - these two were an incapable pair idiots compared to her.

So, no, Oliver doesn't love Elio more; he's just not being as childish about it as Elio is. Once more, the age gap is tying into this topic; while Oliver has his 'hot-headed' days, he already went through the phase of being obsessed by someone (or at least the phase being obsessed and letting the surroundings know). He is slightly more mature than Elio, so he just doesn't let himself go that easily.

And I think that he maybe suffers from internalized homophobia - page 224, Oliver talks with Elio as he comes back for Christmas:

"You should leave then. They (Elio's parents) know about us." "I figured so," he responded. "How?" "By the way your father spoke. You're lucky. My father would have me carted me off to a correctional facility."

In this short piece of dialogue, you can see that Oliver's father isn't okay with LGBT (not too much to wonder about, the American society was different than it is now, it wasn't a safe space for queers). And it's plausible that if Oliver had listened to this as he grew up, he got scared when his mind and body reacted to Elio in this way. We can see that for Elio, he lets go for some time; as they sleep in the 2nd part of the book and visit Rome together in the 3rd part of the book. He tried to overcome the fear and simply because he was in love with the boy, he did overcome it.

But you can see the broken shell (which was tore down in Italy) slowly getting together as Oliver gets back to the USA. He, once more, is under the pressure of American society who is not LGBT friendly at the time, his own father would've never supported his decisions regarding his love life, it could cost him his academic career... And for all of these reasons, it was more logical for Oliver to get married. It was his way of putting order back into his life; it was his way of being good as he says Elio.

So, yeah. Here you have it. Oliver was in love, the relationship could benefit both parties and it wasn't a consensual ra*e, thank you very much.

[kookiepredictions]

Jungkook Twinflame Journey: Challenges & Lessons

The general structure of the TF journey is available plenty on the web so I won’t talk about the step by step journey, rather only focus on the highlights of it, specifically the challenges they are dealing with and how to possibly overcome them. Also, as was pointed out to me earlier, it must be mentioned that these readings are timeline independent, and don’t signify when these activities are happening. This is just the overall energy of Jungkook’s TF journey and what he might have/ might be/ will facing, whenever they happen.

Also, this post is long enough to be a book lol (8.5k words when I last checked) but you gotta do what you gotta do. Happy reading :)

 The first thing that jumps out is that both of them seem to be running from the connection. Both are runners, both are chasers. Jungkook is running in the 5D while his counterpart is running in the 3D. Jungkook wants to make a physical (as in 3D) relationship happen ASAP. He endlessly daydreams about being together with his DF and what he can do to make it happen. However, he is both indecisive and hesitant about taking actual action for various reasons that I will discuss later. The DF on the other hand, is running from a physical connection for reasons I will discuss later. The imbalance here is that the DF sees this as an energetic connection before anything else and wants to treat it as such, whereas Jungkook is focused on the physical manifestation of it. They’re not on the same page about how they see this connection and how they want to deal with it. Now, since a TF connection is a soul connection, it makes sense to start with the soul growth because that is what will ultimately lead to the physical manifestation of it. As I mentioned in the previous reading, Jungkook is in a stubborn “my way or the highway” kind of energy where he just wants what he wants lol. He can’t seem to understand why someone who loves him will want to stay away from him. On the surface level, this is a valid thought, but he’s not seeing, or rather refusing to see all sides of this.

The most important “earthly” blockage that gets in the way of his connection is his job. He has a lot to handle right now and he’s not, in any way, prepared to start or handle a new relationship. The irony is that he knows this. This is in fact what is making him hesitate to take action towards this connection and might I add, rightly so. His judgment and reasoning towards this connection is absolutely correct— he wants to focus on himself and his work right now and clear the unorganized mess in his life before he can bring anyone else into it. So the problem is not that he doesn’t know what to do. The problem is that he is finding it difficult to commit to this decision. He keeps swinging back and forth doubting if he has made the right choice. He keeps fearing that his decision might be wrong and he will end up losing everything he has dreamt for his future— including his DF, who he has come to value a lot right now. She is a big part of his future dreams and he fears that if she leaves, everything will start falling apart like dominoes. This is leading him to overthink this connection from every angle and feel weighed down in a way that he’s not able to take any path. He seems to be on a crossroad and really heavy with indecisive energy. And all of this is happening because he is running in the 5D— he’s running from the spiritual aspect of this connection, from the soul lessons that he needs to learn.

His DF on the other hand, sees the connection for what it is— spiritual before physical. She is in a state of complete surrender to the Universe that if they are meant to be, nothing and no one can get in the way of that. However, she also has a realistic view of it. She knows that the connection might be spiritual but the people in it are imperfect humans. She knows that the only people who can mess up this connection or stop it from manifesting in the physical are her and Jungkook. She knows how the TF connection works but most importantly, she is allowing herself to be guided by what she intuitively knows to be right. She not only has the clarity of the present situation of herself and Jungkook’s, she also has the foresight of what can go wrong in the near and far future if they rush into a connection right now. She “sees” the wounds, trauma and ego-driven behavioural patterns that both of them have and knows that unless they work on healing themselves first, their connection is no better than anyone’s else’s.

On this note, here’s something about a TF relationship: just because you are TFs doesn’t automatically mean that you both are perfect for each other. It just means that this has the HIGHEST POTENTIAL for being the best kind of relationship that anyone can ever hope to have in their lifetime. That’s what it is: a potential. Not a reality. The TF counterparts are only POTENTIALLY right for each other IF they want to make it that way. Every soul in this world has a twinflame— someone who is their most ideal, perfect match. However, when we use the term “twinflame” in discussions and articles, we only mean the twinflame counterparts who have incarnated on earth at the same time and have met, and if they have, then they will most definitely “fall in love”. However, what they then decide to do with that connection and in what direction they take it, is entirely up to them. The foundation of spirituality is free will. NOTHING is forcefully thrust upon us. We’re given complete sovereignty over how we wish to live our lives. Yes, there’s Destiny, but destiny is not a forced concept where you have no say over it. That’s not how spirituality works. Forceful subjugation is the tool of lower vibrating earthly authorities. Spirituality in its core is about freedom. Since the world is in a position of having ingested prolonged low vibrational thoughts and belief systems about love and life in general, the population at large is vibrating at these lower frequency energies. Healing these trauma and reviving our DNA to its original form takes many lifetimes. This is why even though everyone has a twinflame that was created to be their best match, the trauma we’ve incurred over generations, periods and eras, and even in the past years of our current lifetimes, have made it such that each counterpart of each twinflame pair is busy healing themselves over several lifetimes, and depending on the necessary soul contract that was undertaken, might or might not be healed and ready to meet their counterpart in each lifetime. If TFs meet their counterpart in a lifetime where they are not “healed” and behave excessively from their ego standpoint, they will face relationship problems and breakups like any other couple. Being counterparts won’t make you any special. To summarise, TF counterparts who are not healed are the exact same as any other person. In fact they can be worse, because there is an insurmountable amount of passion between them due to their soul connection, but since they haven’t learnt to “behave” like healed counterparts yet, they will end up hurting each other even more. That’s because when you meet your TF, you see how similar you both are and how this connection has SO MUCH potential to be perfect, and you start lowering your guard down, believing that this is one person in the world who will NEVER hurt you. So when you get hurt by them, it feels so much worse and painful than anyone else who has hurt you. This is why a lot of TFs who meet and fall in love before they are healed, end up with a soulmate or even a karmic or 3D partner later where they are actually happier than they were with their TFs. Also when we talk about TF Union, know that it can mean anything. It doesn’t have to mean a committed relationship or marriage. The reason being, marriages and relationships are earthly concepts. The spiritual realm doesn’t care for earthly practices at all; it only cares for earthly practices when they serve the purpose of spiritual advancement. So if a TF couple is destined to get married, that only means that their marriage is supposed to serve a spiritual cause on earth. I just remembered one of my followers kindly pointed out how rare it is for TFs to get married and I’d like to reiterate that here. It is indeed SUPER rare, because it is rare as is, to be incarnated at the same time as your TF. Spirituality is about the soul, obviously, so you’ve got to see a spiritually-rooted connection from the viewpoint of a soul, not from your earthly ego. Souls are immortal; no matter what is happening in the world, whether or not you’re dating or getting married with each other, TFs are together forever as soul units. It’s just that a soul is independent AF lol. They don’t need to always stick to each other. They let their other half do their own work/ mission on earth in one lifetime while they chill in another lifetime lol. It’s only when they know they are on the same-ish page in terms of healing from earthly traumas that they incarnate together and “plan” to meet at the right time, and when they do, fireworks lol. However, it’s still about the healing. Even after they meet. Being the kind of souls who have incarnated at the same time to be “twinflames” means that you have done enough of healing in your past lifetimes that you now have a lot more refined (less traumatic) view of love and life, than other people around you. And when I say “around you” I mean in the world. TFs who have incarnated together to meet are super rare (again, when we use the word “TF” we automatically mean the only ones who are supposed to meet). They are already born as old, highly advanced souls with thoughts, feelings and actions distinctly different from others, possibly with a great many set of talents (because they have lived several lifetimes as different people honing different skills in each lifetime— I’m reminded of the interview where Jungkook asked what had he done in his previous lifetimes to get so much love from his fans and Yoongi replied he was possibly good at everything), but most importantly, they have the desire to be better versions of themselves stronger than anyone else, because they actually are serious about their healing, even if they don’t know it consciously. They are righteous and idealistic kind of people but not in a naive way— they know the light as much as they know the darkness, because healing is about balancing both. TFs who have incarnated together are possibly living their last lifetime on earth and on the way out to Ascension but only if they do the remaining healing in their current lifetime. Because like I said before, that’s the whole point. This is why this connection, right up top, seems so powerful and deep. It’s rooted in spiritual awareness and healing past traumas. You help each other in your missions. But that doesn’t mean necessarily by being physically together. If you’re destined to be together, then you will, but if you’re not, i.e. if your mission does not include being together, then you will part ways. This seems sad and depressing (“what is the point of having/ meeting your TF if you can’t be together?”) but this is where I remind you again that this is, first and foremost, a soul connection, and no matter what happens on earth, you’re together as souls at all times. Here’s the thing though: if being apart from each other is your mission, then you will not feel sad about it. That decision will come about as a natural transition at some point in your TF journey. You both will feel that that is the right thing to do, without malice or pain in your heart, because any decision made from the soul always feels peaceful on the inside. For example, many people believe that Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ TF, and they had a lot of love between them, yet, since Jesus’ destiny was to embrace the cross, he didn’t end up marrying her. And yet, it was something he CHOSE to do, not something that someone thrust on him. He did it with complete awareness and acceptance. Because again, like I said, spirituality at its core, is freedom. Destiny only means that every path has a particular destination at the end. But which path we take, is completely up to us. Whichever path we take will lead to the destination that is at the end of it— that part is nonnegotiable. You can’t take one path and expect to reach a different destination. However, these paths are not linear, parallel tracks. They are more like a labyrinth— connecting and disconnecting at several junctions. Which means that we can change our paths at any moment that we want. If we have taken a wrong path today, it will lead to a wrong destination, but if we want to change where we end up at, we can change the path at any time. We are not doomed or fated forever to end up in a wrong place just because we took the wrong path in the past. We are only fated to go there if we keep continuing on that same path.

Coming back to Jungkook’s DF, she recognizes the spiritual aspect of the connection and what it means for her life and Jungkook’s. She knows a separation is imminent and she’s accepted it with her whole heart. She can’t pretend to be sad or missing him just to look good in his eyes because she neither misses him nor is she sad about this. She longs for him every moment of her life but she never feels like they are separate from each other. She always energetically feels him around herself and knows that he feels her too. The difference is that while she embraces this situation, Jungkook is resisting it. He WANTS to be connected with her in the physical world. It’s a really stubborn energy lol where he is simply refusing to see anything else. I used the word “refusing” because it’s not like he doesn’t know the problems that are there with regards to this connection. He is just ducking his responsibility of dealing with them and just hoping that they will somehow go away. He is, knowingly or unknowingly, in a self-centred energy where he has put all the responsibility of them being together on her. He wants her to be with him but he doesn’t want to address the reasons why they aren’t together. Truthfully, the real reason they aren’t and cannot be physically connected (in any way) is because Jungkook’s life is a mess— ENERGETICALLY. This needs to be emphasized because Jungkook often feels like he can “handle” a connection. Like I said, he daydreams and fantasizes about everything he would like to do for her and he just wants the damn connection to start and get moving already. But there’s the problem. He is only concerned about the external, physical aspect of the connection, but this is a spiritual, energetic connection. They are connected so deep and so profoundly because of this very reason. It can’t be ignored just so you two can start dating or talking even. At this moment, Jungkook is in a state where he is carrying everyone else’s energy except his own. There are way too many interferences and sabotaging around him. Add to it his wounds from past experiences and relationships. It’s just unfair of him to expect his DF to be with him while his own life is so disharmonious. It’s like, when you invite someone over to your home, do you expect them to come to a dirty, messy home? Or would you first clean up? It’s not that he is unaware of these problems. He knows, and he also often feels guilty of getting her involved in all of this. But feeling guilty is not enough. It won’t make the problems go away. He is in a victim mentality where he feels everything is happening TO him, and he is absolving himself off of the responsibility of admitting that by not doing what needs to be done, he is also a part of the problem. Don’t get me wrong, he DOES want to work on these problems, he doesn’t want to subject her to this forever. But where he is wrong is in expecting that she SHOULD stay by him while the problems still exist. And that’s just unfair. She has possibly also tried doing that. But the thing is, the actual problems are not the ones on the outside. The actual problems are the ones in his mind. He can’t always have control over his external situations, but he can ALWAYS have control over his own self IF he wants. It’s the negative energy that he lets stay inside him rent free that is the real problem. No matter what she does to make him happy, Jungkook finds a reason to be sad. No matter what she says to assure him that she loves him, he will still stick to that one vague reason that makes him afraid of losing her. Or some other fear. He feels like the problem is that they are not together. But the problem is actually that Jungkook is a whole warehouse of fear, insecurity, jealousy, anger, etc. And he is entrusting it upon her to heal him. But no one can heal someone else unless they really want to, unless they make their own effort, but most importantly, unless they recognize what the real problem is. His fears are not because of her actions, his fears are because of his past wounds. It is unfair to expect her to be at his beck and call to heal HIS past issues without him being proactive about healing himself first. TFs do play a very important role in healing each other, but not in a co-dependent, energy-vampire-ical way. They heal each other by empowering each other, helping each other be free. Excessive dependence on your counterpart does the exact opposite of healing.

His DF was likely in a past relationship with a narcissist who expected exactly this out of her. She was expected to compensate for his insecurities by limiting herself— her thoughts, feelings, and just living in general. Back then she wasn’t “awake”, so she complied, but it was never enough. The more she adjusted, the more areas she was given to adjust. It resulted in her living a life that ran on autopilot, doing only things that were “permitted” by her partner. In moments where she wanted to assert her own will, she would be made to feel guilty of doing something that her partner didn’t want her to. That she was the reason why her partner was unhappy. Now she understands that no one is responsible for someone else’s happiness or sadness. We can do things with the intention of making someone happy or sad, but how they take it and react to it is completely their call. And in the end when she had fully adapted to his way of living by completely bequeathing her autonomy of decisions and actions, one day he turned around to accuse her of not being independent and proactive enough, and for being too needy. Because that’s what ego-based behaviour leads you to do. You’re never satisfied. Here’s the difference between ego and soul— the ego demands everything but is happy with nothing; the soul accepts everything and is happy with everything.

She can assure Jungkook a million times that she loves him, that she will always be with him, but unless he gets to the root of his insecurities and eliminate them from the root, they will always go back to the same problems. Because the harsh truth is, as much as he loves her, right now he is using her and this connection as a distraction and escape from his real problems, a quick fix. But the TF connection is not supposed to distract you from your problems, it is supposed to point you exactly in the direction of where your problems are. This is what Jungkook and this connection has done for his DF, and this is what she hopes to do for him. But she can only direct him towards those problems, she can’t decide or act on them. That is something only he can do. He needs to quit waiting for someone else to fix his life and take it upon himself. He has been having tower moments after tower moments simply because he is refusing to see or act on the problems.

His problems are not all though. His DF is staying away also because of her own problems, her own past wounds. She is not as perfect as he thinks she is. Her life is not as perfect as he thinks it is. She has as many problems— both external and internal— as he does. She knows that Jungkook dreams of healing her, taking away all her pain, solving all her problems, and she is forever grateful, but it’s the wrong approach. There are some things only she can and should handle. She knows that Jungkook often looks for her dreams, wanting to fulfil all of them, be that person in her life who does those things for her. And again, she is both grateful and happy that there is someone in this big, bad world who has that kind of intention and energy towards her, and someday when the time is right, she has absolutely no doubt that he will do all of these things. But right now, it means something to her to be able to do all these things for herself. All her life, she has been following directions from someone else, either parents or a partner or anyone who would show more authority than what she had on herself. But continuously living her life on someone else’s terms didn’t work out very well. Neither for her nor for others. Her life felt empty and her soul felt restless and unfulfilled. And if one doesn’t have peace within themselves, they can’t radiate peace around them. She doesn’t blame anyone else for this. Truthfully, it’s her own fault. For not having boundaries, for letting people walk all over her. For not asserting her own choice in her own life. But she won’t do that anymore. She can’t go back to that co-dependent energy. Not even with her TF, even though he’s one of the most important people in her life right now. She’s not mad at him, she’s not punishing him for any “mistake” that he thinks he has made. She’s only doing this because she is fully convinced that is the only right thing to do in this situation. And she is not back down from her own conviction. She is no more letting other people decide for her, especially when her own intuition doesn’t support it. In the past, she has had plenty of people telling her what to do, and now she realizes that those people were a lot more clueless than she was, and that she has always been the more intuitive and “right” person in any crowd. But the self-trust that she lacked back then, she has now. And she is not questioning it anymore.

One important lesson Jungkook has to learn is to know that there are no “punishments” in this world. Due to his past experiences, either very strict parenting or strict K Pop training environment, he has this deeply seated fear of being punished when he does something wrong. If he makes mistakes— which we all do— the Universe won’t punish him. We simply have some inconvenient situations as a direct or indirect result of our actions, so that we can learn that our actions were wrong and we can correct them in future. Punishments are also ego based repercussions. If his connection is as spiritual as he believes it is, then he also has to believe that his DF would never punish him. That’s just now how a healthy relationship should be! Imagine if two people were always out to get each other for their mistakes, keeping count of them and then waiting to punish them at an opportune moment... just how stressful would that relationship be! It might be that Jungkook has had to deal with someone like that in the past which has shaped his mindset about love and relationships that way. Love is not so egotistical. Anyone who claims to love you should be always willing to forgive you, no matter how many times you make mistakes. Yes, everyone should have boundaries, no one should allow anything they consider as mistreatment, but they should still be able to forgive the person they claim to love. If there are feelings of anger, malice, revenge towards someone, no matter what they have done, that is not love. So much of Jungkook’s pain is rooted in this mindset. He believes that just because he has made mistakes in his life, he is now destined to live a life of misery and sadness as a punishment, over which he has no control. Like I explained earlier, that’s not how Destiny works. We ALWAYS have a choice and we can make that choice anytime. The question is: are we REALLY willing to? Or are we looking to turn a blind eye towards our responsibilities and then blame it on our “fate”?

With his current energy, Jungkook has one foot of the door. He KNOWS what he has to do— the hesitation that he feels about taking action towards connection is not his fear. It is in fact, his soul voice. Deep inside, he knows this is not the right time. He is not ready for this connection to move forward or even exist in the physical. He knows he needs to work on himself first. He knows what his problems are and where they are. He knows that no matter what he does, he will never lose his TF. He just finds it difficult to trust himself with his own knowledge. There are too many outside opinions and energies that interferes with his thoughts and actions. And that is also his fault because he is allowing them to.

Very notable here is that Jungkook has one or more Karmic connections that are constantly interfering with this connection. He is frequently under psychic attacks, as is his DF. These karmics act as energy vampires by energetically trying to influence his thoughts— pressuring him for attention, communication and commitment, threatening to leave him if he doesn’t oblige, threatening to date someone else— acting as if it is coming from his DF. His DF wants nothing of that sort right now. Co-dependent energy is the very first thing that TFs are supposed to eliminate from their connection, which means from their own minds. Look around you. 99% of relationships in this world are based on co-dependency. A “if you give me this, I’ll give you that” kind of energy. Love, true love, is unconditional. Think about it: “love” is defined as an emotion, and abstract noun. Love, at its core, is an emotion. It is not actions or words or relationships or marriages. Love is a feeling, that’s all. If you can feel it inside your heart, no matter what situation you are in, you are in love. It’s the world’s biggest mistake to equate love with what we do for those we claim to love. It’s like, if you love me, prove it. No. If I love you, I’ll just love you that’s all. There will be no condition on my love. It won’t exist or disappear based on what I do or don’t do. We are often placed in situations where we can’t always do everything that we do. Actions are not always the same as feelings. Sometimes two people can love each truly and deeply, but— and I’m not afraid to say it— one of them can die before the other. Or fall sick and be bedridden forever, and be completely unable to “do” anything for the ones they love. What happens then? The love disappears? Just because they can’t prove it anymore? It’s such a limiting concept of love. Also, so many people will do so many things— gifts, vacations, anniversaries, social media updates— but then will also cheat on their partners, leave them for someone else... what value do all these things that they did hold in that case? My point is, doing a lot of things means nothing if the feeling behind it is not backed by true and pure love. Too many people depend on actions to prove the existence of love, but don’t take the time to really FEEL it. When you feel love for the emotion that it is, without restrictions and judgements, trust me, the action flows effortlessly. You will naturally know when to do what and those actions will NEVER be wrong. Instead of jumping about going crazy doing things, take the time to connect with your heart space and see what is really going on in there. It’s not always fun and games. Love does come with pain and sorrow too. But negative emotions are not a bad thing. Remember, negative emotions are NOT the same as negativity. Negative emotions are signifiers. They help us see where we are facing problems, what needs to be fixed. Negativity on the other hand, is blinding ourselves from those signals, and staying stuck in that stagnant pool of negative emotions, and not making the effort to get out of it. Always remember, energy is like water. As long as it is flowing, like in a stream, it is clean and healthy— no matter what type of energy. It is only when it is stagnant that it becomes unclean and breeds diseases. And to keep energy moving and flowing, it is essential to feel your feelings, no matter what they are. Be brutally honest with yourself about how you feel. Don’t judge your feelings, don’t censor them. Don’t tell yourself, I’m not supposed to feel this way. Bulls***! You can feel any type of way that you want to. Because you’re human. And that’s what humans do, they feel. That’s what makes us different from machines. Once you can feel accurately, you can now understand your feelings. You can understand the root of those feelings. So many people get away with saying, I don’t know what I feel like, I don’t know why I feel this way. Well, it can happen. Initially. But as humans we can and are supposed to KNOW our feelings by observing them. That’s what makes us different from animals. They feel but can’t make sense of those feelings. They directly go from feeling to acting. But we can do the essential step in between. Understand our feelings and then decide how to act.

Honestly, Jungkook has been sitting in a pool for a while now. Like I said, he is carrying mostly others’ energies than his own. This is why his DF feels the need to distance herself from him even though she wanted to, and has tried to be there for him in whichever capacity possible. She is all for healing Jungkook, but she can’t be responsible for other people’s energies too. As she is energetically connected with him, she feels his energy, and it is especially difficult when he is stuck in low vibrational energy for a long time. As long as he doesn’t find a way to block these energies, he is bringing both himself and this connection down. One person is trying to fill the connection with positive energies while the other acts as a host to energy vampires. It’s exhausting for both of them! It’s like trying to empty water from a boat with holes. No matter how hard you try, the boat will sink if the holes are not repaired. And it’s something only Jungkook can do. And the only way to do it is if he rises from his pool of negative emotions. Energy vampires, psychic attacks are only effective if you give them access to your energy. Remember, any person who tries to sabotage you is already vibrating in a low frequency with their ill intentions. You block their access by simply vibrating at a higher frequency. This is the singlemost effective way to both stop outside interference as well as improving your own energy. Commit to wanting to be a happier version of yourself. And just like love, don’t make your happiness conditional. Don’t think I’ll be happy if___ Be happy where you are, how you are. You’re not unhappy because you don’t have your DF, you are unhappy because you have mental blockages that restrict you from being happy. Find out what those restrictions are, then get to work on them.

The separation is also necessary because Jungkook NEEDS to face his fears. He has been battling with a lot of fears about losing his DF, and with her losing his dream future. But instead of facing it and getting it out of his system, he has been avoiding it. He creates different scenarios that would help him avoid feeling the pain of facing and analysing his fear. Somehow, somewhere, these scenarios lead him to believing that she doesn’t love him, she cheats on him or will cheat on him, or has left him for good, is intentionally hurting him, is taking advantage of his love and his having fun doing it. These are accusations his DF will not entertain. She understands where he is coming from, she understands the conflict and battle he is going through but she will not be held responsible for something she doesn’t even dream of doing. She could be just watching a movie and crushing on an actor but Jungkook’s paranoia will conclude she is seeing someone else. It’s hurtful. And even more so when it comes from someone who seemed like the one person in this world who would never hurt you. She is struggling in her life too. She is working on herself too. The difference between her and Jungkook is that she does not hold Jungkook responsible for her happiness. She accepts his situation and his decisions without questioning his motives, and she expects the same energy from him. They might be TFs but they are two separate individuals with different mentalities, backgrounds and situations. Each of them has the right to live their lives EXACTLY as they want to, without having to explain themselves, or proving their loyalty all the time. She won’t spend her whole lifetime proving her love and loyalty to someone who is supposed to understand her already. The TF separation period is not a punishment. It is a gift. It is their first opportunity to test if their love is really as strong and eternal as they think it is. True love does not disappear because of distance and situations. You don’t need to be with your partner to love them. Heck, you don’t even need a partner to love! Love, as I said, is an emotion to be felt. If you feel it, you know love. If you experience love, and then proceed to put fences of restrictions and conditions around it, one day, the restrictions will win and the love will lose. The separation really helps us test out the strength of the connection. Know that in spirituality there are always win-win situations. If two people do love each other truly, they will always come back to each other. It’s always better to leave your connection be free. Two people who are free to go anywhere they like and be with anyone they like, yet choose to come back to each other without demanding without accusing, is the best kind of love connection. And if they don’t come back, that means that connection wasn’t as good as it seemed after all, in which case, you’re free to look for the real one!

Jungkook really needs to loosen his grip. He needs to let her go. He needs to let her come back to him because she wants to, not because she felt trapped with guilt to stay with him. It is also his test for how much trust he has on someone he claims to love so much. If he can’t trust her now, he will not magically learn to trust her later when they are in a physical connection.

The thing is, everything written in this post, Jungkook already knows. And his DF knows this. She sees him beyond his outer tantrums through to his soul. She knows who he is inside there and what he wants and needs. She’s probably overconfident that she knows him better than he knows himself lol. And this is what is keeping her hopeful about this connection. She believes in him and is rooting for him to come through with his soul lessons and healing. Just like he believes in her and is rooting for her success in her life and career. He’s just... how to put it... overzealous about her lol. I’ve mentioned earlier that Jungkook values equal give and take in a relationship but this is causing detriment. He believes that she has done way too much for him and in return, he has given too little to her. That might be true lol but he must remember that firstly, he has already given her a lot more than what she has ever received from anyone. It’s not always the material things you know, the most valuable things in life are the ones money can’t buy. She has experienced being loved exactly the way she had always wanted to be loved. Him and the people around him have contributed to making her a strong, independent, assertive woman and shed many of her past inhibitions and weaknesses. This connection has caused her faith in herself and the Divine to go through the roof! And that’s exactly what he needs right now too. He needs to have faith. Faith in himself, this connection and the Universe. He really needs to see that she is not the only special person in this connection. He is as special as her as well— he is her! If he can’t forget her, how can she forget him? If he thinks she is irreplaceable, how can he not be irreplaceable in her life as well? He needs to work on his self-image and self-confidence to really see that he is equal, if not greater than her. She already sees him as special and irreplaceable but his lack of self esteem is causing him to create this illusion that she is too good for him, that he will never find anyone like her and therefore he must cling to her to make sure she never leaves. Even if they get into a connection, is it healthy to live with these fears and insecurities all your life? It’s time for him to shift the focus from her to himself and give himself all that pure, genuine love that she gave her. Self love. And then if she doesn’t come back, then fu** that bi***! An insanely gorgeous man who loves himself and has healed himself? There must be someone in this whole wide world who will know how to value that!

He needs to have faith in this connection. He needs to remember that he had no control over how it started. It just... happened. It was Divine planning and Divine timing. It came to him when he most needed it even when he didn’t know that he needed it. That’s how the Divine works. As broken, trauma-beaten humans, we tend to want to control everything exactly according to our understanding. But know that our understanding of life is limited. We don’t know everything that is happening or will happen in the future. We don’t know everything about other people. We don’t even know everything about ourselves. How can we hope to control everything with our limited knowledge? Only the Divine/ Universe/ Source or whatever you want to call it, knows everything every time. Even when homo sapiens were merely amoebas, the Universe was still here, doing its job. Even when humans were not here to “oversee” everything, the Universe was still operating smoothly according to its own rules. Everything human beings have learnt is from the Universe, from nature. It was here before us and it will be here probably even after we’re extinct. We’re not supposed to get ahead of it, we’re supposed to align with the Universal flow that has always existed. And we do it by having faith. Anything that is rooted in spirituality will require faith. We tend to want to first see things/ get assurances before we can have faith, but in reality it is only when we have faith that we see what we want. If the greatest inventors of the world waited to see things to believe in their existence, we wouldn’t have made all these advancements. To create something, and especially to create something new, have faith first. You can’t expect to have deep, pure, unconditional love by treating it like a casual date. Don’t try to define or understand it in terms of connections or relationships you’ve already had, because this is nothing like that. IF there is something wrong with this connection, trust that you will know. If you are keeping a clear, open mind, you will KNOW when things are wrong, and you will know when they are right. Don’t restrict your good judgement by doubting yourself all the time. Don’t depend on others to define or solve a situation that YOU are going through. It is your problem, you are capable enough to solve it. That’s how the Universe hands us situations and problems. We already have the capability of handling them, we just need to dig it out of ourselves firstly by deciding that we want to solve it, then by believing that we can. We really don’t need anyone for anything in life. If we do need anyone, the Universe promptly sends them to us. It is natural to WANT someone to be beside us though. But if the Universe is showing us that it’s not the right time by putting distances and obstacles between us, then we need to trust and accept that it is for our highest good. We might not know how right now, but in time we will.

The DF, as I said, is in this state of complete acceptance. This has filled her up with a sense of peace, happiness and stability. She is not one bit sad about the separation. Instead, she is sad that Jungkook is staying sad simply because he’s not accepting a situation that he has no control over. This resistance is making him overthink and worry himself sick over what she’s doing, thinking, feeling, and then accusing her of being the reason why he’s sad. This is not his energy. This is not the person he is, she knows it. This connection has given her the much needed high vibration energy to deal with her personal problems and solve them. She is celebrating her small wins and just being alive you know? She has not felt this free and light in all her life and she is not going back to worrying over things and situations she can’t control and be sad about them. She REALLY wishes Jungkook to do his own healing and join her in this energetic space because it is beautiful! But like everything else, she can’t control him. Because of the intense love and passion he has for her, he might think that she controls him but she doesn’t. He is controlled by his own fear and anxiety. She can’t make him take the decisions and actions required for him to heal. She can only heal herself, hoping that it will energetically help him instead. And to do that, she needs to focus every bit of her energy on herself. She is always connected to Jungkook, but she will not play host to other interfering energies anymore. Jungkook needs to also focus all his energy on himself but again, she can’t force him to do anything, it’s his call. She expects complete freedom to make her own life decisions according to her own understanding, and she expects anyone who claims to love her to respectfully accept it without accusing her of being selfish. Because self love is NOT being selfish. Especially for people like Jungkook and his DF, who are giving people, self love is an investment for the betterment of everyone they come in contact with. The more they invest in themselves, the more their tribe flourishes. He needs to accept that she shouldn’t be expected to be on standby while he is sorting out his life. He needs to accept that she deserves to live her life while she needs to accept that he deserves to live his life as well. There is no need to restrict or limit your life for your TF. Like I said, spirituality is about freedom. If a TF connection is not completely free of restrictions and limitations then it’s most likely not one. And yes, that includes dating as well. It might never happen, but that’s not the point. The point is, how far are we willing to go into acceptance of our TF counterpart’s freedom of choice for their happiness? And the answer should always be, ALL THE WAY. If your divine counterpart decides to start dating while in separation, it definitely won’t be an easy thing to handle. But if it’s really the unconditional love you swear you have for them, you should work through your own insecurities to allow them that choice as well. Of course, one doesn’t have to. No one is obligated to put up with anything they don’t like or can’t accept, or stay in that kind of a connection. And that’s the beauty of spirituality. Freedom. You are free to reject that connection. There is no “duty” or “destiny” binding you to anything you REALLY do not want to be a part of. But you’ve got to choose a side now and commit to that journey. No more doubting and avoiding. If you want it, then do what needs to be done for it, not just what you’re comfortable doing. If your comfort zone is more preferable to you, then stay in there but don’t complain why there’s no “unconditional love” in this world. To get unconditional love, you must give unconditional love first. And to do that, remove all restrictions and conditions in your own mentality that get in the way— not in the other person’s mentality. Trust in the Universe which has obviously proven time and time again to be more powerful than you. Trust that the energy you put out is the energy you will receive.

To sum up, this is a really important phase in Jungkook’s life. He is on a crossroad, not able to make definite decisions, just because he can’t put enough faith in himself, the Universe and this connection. Well, he can’t control the connection or the Universe so he should start with increasing faith in himself. Believe that he can and will always take the right decisions because here’s the fun thing: there are no wrong decisions when the intention is right. His DF believes in his ability because she knows his intentions to be pure and genuine all the time. All he wants is to do good to everyone, she has seen that. And the Universe loves him for that and wants to reward him. But he is blocking his rewards by being so damn stubborn and resistant. Don’t resist the change. Change is good. Change is growth. Growth means promotion and rewards. He has already sort of taken the right decision by wanting to focus on himself. It is time to commit to it by letting go of doubts and by FULLY, WHOLLY focusing his energy on himself and himself only. Leave his worries about his DF to the Universe. She’s a strong gal, she’s got this! TFs are not supposed to be energy leeches on each other’s backs. They’re not supposed to be weaknesses to each other, they’re supposed to be each other’s biggest strengths. Allow her to grow on her own to be the strong and rightful partner that she has the potential to be. Allow her to stretch her limbs and see what she’s capable of doing in her life, to go after her dreams with full force and focus. Just his energy of wanting to protect her and take care of her make her feel SO loved it really makes her feel like she can do anything! He doesn’t need to do anything else for her right now. What he really needs to protect her from is his own negative energies, by working on healing them, because she feels them. He needs to protect her from outside interference by taking responsibility of his own healing and his own life. People are pointing fingers at this connection because his life and mental health deteriorating. Not everyone is against him or this connection. Some people genuinely love him and want the best for him, and if he gives them the reason to believe that this connection is the reason why he is suffering, then that is wrong. He needs to step up and step in. They need to see this period as a gift, an opportunity to become their best versions before they get back together so that when they do, they don’t end up hurting each other due to their wounded ego-based behaviours. It’s not the easiest journey but I assure it is the MOST fulfilling. Once you let go of your worries, and everything you can’t control, you find this constant peace of mind, which is interspersed with frequent moments of euphoria— when you do get there, you’ll never want to go back. You get a bird’s eye view of this life and realize what the most important things in life really are, and what you really want, what really gives you real happiness. And you also see the best ways to get there. Free yourself. That’s why this connection really has come into your life. Free yourself from your own limitations. Your DF wants nothing from you except for you to flourish and be happy. Do whatever the hell you need to do for that, no judgements at all. She’ll meet you at the other side of the finish line :)

[radramblog]

MtG: The Dean Problem

The newest Magic set, Strixhaven: School of Mages (a subtitle I was better off not knowing existed), has provided an absolute bounty of legendary creatures for commander players to fawn over. A new set of Elder Dragons with splashy and interesting abilities, another Planeswalker commander, and a full cycle of uncommon legendaries for those who love the design they bring to the table (like me!).

And then there’s the Deans.

These are not proving popular, and there’s pretty good reasons for that…but why?

The Deans, in my eyes, are the culmination of a compromise between multiple design elements that didn’t quite come together right.

The first of these is Partner. Partner, and Partner with, have proved incredibly popular commander designs, though a large part of this can be attributed to some of them being incredibly potent. The simple idea of having two commanders instead of one is just appealing to a lot of people, not to mention the customisability involved with the unpaired ones. They were an excellent solution for Commander Legends draft, and a way of making it so your options for certain colour combinations, particularly 3-4 colour ones, weren’t as limited as design philosophy and practicality (it’s often hard to fit 3C cards into a set when the set isn’t built around tricolour, and not many are) would normally make them.

The other is double-faced cards in general. Not many transforming commanders exist, but the Deans do share this trait with the Gods from Kaldheim. They have a modality that lets you build around one or both sides, many of them have cool and splashy effects, and perhaps most importantly, they are unique and interesting. The transform commanders have their own issues, but most of them (just pretend Ulrich doesn’t exist) are powerful enough, unique enough, or popular enough characters that people are going to be playing them.

The Deans do not fit either mold, and it’s to their detriment. It’s pretty clear that the design inspiration for each of them were the Partner With pairs- two monocoloured legends with effects that play off each other. Shaile puts counters on creatures so that Embrose can get value from them. Augusta lets you use Plargg’s ability extra times. Imbraham dumps cards to benefit Kianne’s ability. And this is all well and good for 60-card formats, where drawing a second copy of your Legend is normally a downside, but you can just play the other half and get some synergy out of the deal. But in Commander, you only get one at a time.

The key difference in commander is that you don’t get to play both halves of these cards. Outside of shenanigans like Supplant Form (which only Uvilda/Nassari and Kianne/Imbraham get to play), it is nigh impossible to play both halves of these commanders at the same time unless your playgroup rule 0’s to let you do so. And while this is also the case with Kaldheim’s Gods, many of them are clearly designed with this in mind, following one of two MDFC principles. Either A., their modes are differently powerful depending on a situation but a deck helming them wants both anyway, such as Halvar being a bloke or a sword in a deck that often lacks one or the other, or Jorn ramping early on and his staff being better for value lategame. Or B., they just, can come back to your hand, like so you can play both, like with Alrund and Toralf. These cards are far from perfect, and have a lot of the same issues as the Deans, but it isn’t as pronounced.

The other biggest issue with the Deans is that they’re…kinda mid? Pretty meh? With the Partners, you’re often playing one as your commander and the other for the colours- like I love me an Ishai, but everyone’s just playing him so they get White and Blue in their Vial Smasher or Reyhan decks (though they at least synergize with the latter). The Deans wouldn’t be so bad if individual halves of them were interesting, and the deck got to play that as the commander but with an extra colour, but they’re…just not? Of the 10 faces of these cards, there are maybe 2 (Nassari and Augusta, who I’ve kinda come around on) that I’d even consider playing as solo acts with a colour bonus. This is kind of an inherent limit of the designs of these characters- they’re all teachers, which in this case means they need to be humanoid and therefore not super huge with fun splashy effects, and they’re modal, which means they can’t have a million lines of rules text so people don’t get too overwhelmed (not that that stopped some of these, whoof).

At time of writing, the Dean cycle occupies 5 of the bottom 6 most built commanders out of Strixhaven (I’m surprised to see Mavinda among them, but I guess Feather exists). This was not a shock to me the way some of the other placements here are (people are catching on to Quintorius lets gooooo), and it’s pretty clear why. I’m pretty sure at this point most people are sick of MDFCs in general, considering we’ve had 3 sets worth of them and not a huge number have caught on- while price isn’t always a good gauge of playability, it’s rather telling that 2 of the 68 printed managed to break a 10 dollar price point.

It’s unclear as to whether this experiment is going to return, but I’m very concerned it will with the Innistrad sets releasing later this year. Considering Innistrad was the first set with any double-faced cards in the form of the transform cards, we’re very likely to see some DFC action show up in there. And not to inject too much of my opinion here, it would kinda ruin it for me if they went back to MDFCs for them. The transform cards are not only more interesting from a gameplay standpoint, they’re much better for storytelling and flavour. The Werewolves worked so extremely well, as did many of the beasties the set came with. A huge flavour hit comes just from whether or not the card can flip back to its front face, the difference between modality and a permanent transformation. The difference between a recurring, endless cycle and a step you take that you can’t come back from.

The difference Deans, and MDFCs in general, don’t have.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

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okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

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*put*

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*foot*

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DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

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That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

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Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

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Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!