#frodo deserves the world

[frodobaggins-appreciation]

this has to be one of my favorite Frodo smiles!

[the-froggit]

My type is when they have Beautiful sad eyes and yearning expression

[wiener-soldier]

I'm not okay!

[tai-fling]

I used to say with confidence I was always a dog person, but now having a cat for almost 7 years, I walk a fine line of loving the fuck out of both.

[fandomsarefamily1966]

@medievalandfantasymelee

Frodo Baggins + Happiness

requested by my tumblr awards winner @shiremaiden

[illusionremember]

[frodobaggins-appreciation]

It's late and I need to sleep...here's a Frodo!

[steponmetommi]

Okay, so Merry’s quote about being found after the battle of “It’s not always a misfortune being overlooked” implies that it’s happened to him before.

Our poor overlooked hobbit, he’s so perceptive, brave as hell, and so sweet. He’s also honestly probably the smartest of the hobbits, and he is, unfortunately overlooked quite a bit.

Like everyone who has seen only the movies kind of think of him as mainly Pippin’s sidekick, funny, and a bit brave, but I think the movies did not do his intelligence justice. I just saw a post online that read “rank the four hobbits” and not one person had Merry first, and only a few had him second, and that is just disheartening. Sam was mainly everyone’s number one or only choice.

Sam is a wonderful hobbit, and he stands up so much, pushing himself and protecting Frodo. But we can also see Merry standing up, protecting Pippin when he can, being brave enough to sneak into a battle he was asked to stay out of simply because he wants to help in any way he can, and again, he’s quite literally the smartest of those four hobbits.

I love Sam so much, and he deserves all the love he gets, but I think Merry needs a bit more love out there, because, just like in the movies and books, he is overlooked in the world.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[andromeda3116]

i know it's been said before, and for like seventy years, but frodo's despair is so important to me

i mean, this is the main character of the story; this is the hero who is making the impossible journey to save the world

and it destroys him

carrying the burden absolutely saps frodo of the will to live at several points and it's only sam's presence that pulls him back from the edge and in the end even that isn't enough

frodo fails - because frodo gives up - because the burden was too much, the quest was always impossible and in the end he sees that

but it's the kindness and pity that he showed earlier, it's the fact that he tried as hard and for as long as he did, that the quest succeeds in spite of his giving in to despair

and it's heartbreaking that he never really goes back to the shire, that he stays trapped in that quest even after it's finished, but there's hope for him to heal in the undying lands, a reward well-deserved - even though he collapsed at the end

idk, the fact that the savior of middle-earth actually succumbed to despair in the end is really important to me, and of course to the story itself - it would not be lord of the rings if frodo had been able to throw the ring into the fires of mount doom

the entire theme of lord of the rings is hope-versus-despair and the fact that sometimes despair wins is embedded into the story - as is the fact that no the fuck it doesn't, that even when despair takes over, there is always always always hope, and the mere act of trying, of doing as much as you can for as long as you can, is enough to do the impossible, sometimes in spite of yourself

and that's beautiful, and inspiring, and enduring

[lsd-astronaut]

Hello! I would like to ask for some headcanons about the four hobbits as parents! It can be any au (for example you can write about Frodo's interaction with Sam's children in "stays in the Shire " au)

I dreamt of Merry last night sooo I'm in a hobbit mood. Would love to write this for you hehehe

Like and reblog! Requests are open! Refer to my pinned post for rules

The hobbits as parents (Headcanons)

Frodo

I feel like he'd prefer to have just one kid as that is what he was used to when he was little. Plus, he is a hobbit that appreciates quiet, so I don't think a little army of his clones would be the best idea, especially after the Quest.

The kind of parent that will absolutely play music or straight up read to your pregnant belly because he says that his child should know who's their dad as soon as they open their eyes to the world.

Actually fainted when you gave birth but in his defence, he was extremely nervous about the whole ordeal and you can't really decide when an episode will hit you. But, rest assured, it was just one of these momentary things (like these rollercoaster videos) and he immediately went back to your side.

Frodo's child turns out to be even more of a menace than him when he was a fauntling, which is actually an achievement. Why, one time, Frodo appeared drenched while holding your kid, who looked extremely satisfied. Apparently, they had decided to run off, and Frodo, thinking they were going straight for the river, had rushed for them. The child had changed courses at the last moment, but Frodo hadn't been fast enough, and oh well.

Even if they give him almost daily heart attacks, Frodo absolutely adores his kid, and they adore him. He is the one to teach them how to read and write, and is also extremely proud when they defend themselves against rude hobbits. Yes, they are Frodo Baggins' kid. So what?

Sam

The best father, the best husband, the best everything.

Your first pregnancy went really smooth, but Sam was still a nervous wreck, constantly asking you whether you needed anything, and beating himself up if you felt any kind of discomfort or pain. Stupid Sam, he should be making it all easier for you, not more difficult. You chewed him up pretty thoroughly one day, but he maintains he absolutely needed that reality check.

Gets super serious the first weeks after your child is born. No "oh, but you owe me another baby" or "make me dinner, I'm tired and you only stay in bed all day." He hates that kind of people with all his heart. He changes diapers, keeps a feeding schedule, and even calms the baby down every time they get fussy so you can get the rest you deserve.

Had a secret competition he didn't really tell you about over whether the baby would say "dada" or "mama" first. His argument was that the "d" sound is easier to pronounce that "m". Was a bit disappointed when they said "mama", but your grin made the defeat feel way less sore. He'll get what he wants with the next kid, he's sure.

Teaches his kid to cook, garden, and many other skills. Even if they don't like it, he just wants to be sure they can fend for themselves in the real world when they leave the nest (he secretly hopes this never happens).

Merry

Okay, I'm gonna be completely honest. This guy does not strike me as someone who was looking to have kids; so when he learned that you were pregnant, he bluescreened for an entire minute and then had a little anxiety attack because he's not ready to be a father???

He decides to seek help from Sam who looks at him like he has grown two heads and basically sends him back to you with a kick on his rear and an apology in his mouth.

Finally, you both have a conversation, and this very silly hobbit tells you about his insecurities. He's too irresponsible and he doesn't see himself to be fit to be a role model for everyone, I mean he couldn't protect his own cousin! You reassure him that he is the only one that could do this, and that he is not alone so should he make a mistake he has you to rely on, and your child is not going to hate him.

From then on, he is hands on during your pregnancy. Any cravings you may have, no matter how unconventional or straight up not suit for consumption by anyone that isn't pregnant, will have Merry running around the Shire at any hour of the day and night. And if he has to wake up Sam at 3am on a weekday, well, you need it, and what are friends for?

Once your child is born, Merry cannot be convinced to stop holding them. He felt a connection as soon as he set eyes on them, like a little animal does when it imprints on the first thing they see, and Merry did not think his heart could hold more love. Oh, how wrong he was. He only allows you to hold them for feedings and honestly whenever you ask him, but if anyone else asks, Merry gives them a nasty glare and turns around very dramatically.

Talks to his child like they're a tiny adult and always seeks their opinion even if the child is more interested in eating their own shoes.

Also, if the kid has trouble talking in the first stages, he actually knows what they're saying even if to everyone else (but you) they are just babbling.

Pippin

Okay, before the Quest, he wanted a big family like the one he was born in, but afterwards he is very unsure about it. I feel like his sense of inadequacy and self-esteem issues got accentuated because of the events during the war. He was very happy when he learned you were pregnant but there was also a twinge of terror deep inside him.

Strangely quiet during the pregnancy, and although he reassures you that it is so he doesn't bother you in such a delicate condition, you know him better. At night, he will lay his cheek on your belly and just stay there, which has granted him some well aimed kicks from your very energetic child, but he never changes positions.

When your child is born, the midwife allows him to hold them after you've had your turn. He initially refuses with a sheepish smile and an excuse on "how he doesn't want to hurt the baby". You tell him to cut the bullshit and come hold them, which he does, and to your surprise, it's the most careful you've ever seen Pippin be. He needs to be corrected by the midwife on his arms' position and he profusely apologises but you reassure him he's doing great. He may or may not be crying as the baby grabs his finger with all their strength.

Now, the child is clearly Pippin's for they are extremely restless, and barely able to sleep through the night. Which has resulted you in losing sleep as well. One time, you shoot up as you hear the baby's piercing cries. As you go to get up, Pippin puts a hand on your shoulder and tells you to go back to sleep while he goes to calm them down. An hour later, you wake up again to find that Pippin has not come back so you go to check on him, and find him softly singing while gently rocking the crib, and your child fast asleep! It becomes the go-to method every time they cry, but it only works with Pippin, so hard time for Frodo or Merry when they are on babysitting duty.

Very present in your children's lives. He is their best friend and they know they can go to their "papa" for everything, good or bad. Pippin did get his wished for family in the end.

I hope it wasn't too obvious that I wrote Merry's and Pippin's first, and Frodo's and Sam's afterwards lmao also I went a bit crazy and then I remembered the request said "as parents" so that's why the pregnancy thing occupies so much in each one lol

[shirefantasies]

LoTR Characters Finding Out You Were in an Abusive Relationship

Sort of requested/mentioned by @autisticgenderworm and desired by yours truly, here is the other version of this reaction. I hope it brings comfort to anyone who needs it.

Warnings: mentions/implications of past abuse, but nothing graphic

Aragorn

Aragorn's pause sparks no concern. He is a pensive man and that is something you always loved about him, let alone any consideration the gravity of what you just shared. "And you gave your heart so freely, I have no doubt." He shakes his head. "That such a truly corrupt mind would try to take you. But that is just it: I see it in your eyes and I feel it in the way I am so lucky in your love. They can try, but they cannot break you. You are stronger than all the hate, all the avarice, in the world. You know this, do you not?" Eyes watering, you peer at him and blink. "Some days I feel so far from that." Aragorn nods. He reaches out and holds your cheek against his calloused palm and somehow it is the softest touch you've ever felt. "Our true strength is that we are never alone. You have so many who will fight for you. I will fight for you. You will be on no lead, your own person simply making our lives all the richer for it."

Legolas

Brows furrowing lightly, he tilts his head, fixing you with a look of deep sorrow. You see his hand raise, lower again hesitantly, so you reach out to take it. "I don't mean to frighten you," you tell him, "I'm sorry." “You have nothing to apologize for, my love. The burden rests solely on the one who took it upon themselves to hurt you. It was nothing you did. And I am not frightened. Rather I would have you feel safe.” “I do,” you tell him, “That is why I hoped you were not afraid. The last thing I would want is for you to see me differently. To be too much for you.” “Too much for me? No such thing,” Legolas teases with a little smile, “But truly I am just grateful you shared. If there is anything I do, anything I say, allow me to apologize now.” “That alone puts me at ease,” you reply, feeling yourself relax and breathe deeply once more as Legolas takes your hand.

Boromir

“Why?” “I- I don’t think there was a ‘why’,” you stuttered, “I could have done things differently, I suppose, but-” “No,” Boromir cuts you off, a hand reaching to gently caress your cheek, “Not you, my dear. Not you. Why would anyone seek to defile beauty? And kindness. Why indeed.” “I don’t know,” you answer helplessly, gaze falling from his, “I should have left sooner. I-I guess I was truly that lonely that I thought it was worth changing. It wasn’t.” A shaky, sardonic laugh escapes your lips. “Nobody should have to choose between lonely and pain,” Boromir laments, hands sliding down to take yours, “But we are here now, and I will give you everything you deserve.”

Gimli

“Where is the bastard? I have a selection of choice words for such a great blight upon this earth.” Gimli’s hands ball into fists at his sides as he speaks, his voice darkening a bit more with each passing word. You cannot help but smile at that even in spite of his tone. “I would be happy to introduce you if I knew,” you replied, “But I know not and care not.” “That’s my fire!” Gimli exclaims, pride coloring his tone and his very gaze upon you. “You don’t need me- my approval or my axe! But of course you have them both with equal enthusiasm. To look upon you is to see a flame most bright and most beautiful that nobody’s rain can extinguish.” It is you who steps forward first, pulling the dwarf into your arms, but it is Gimli who asks if he might kiss your beautiful lips. Just the asking is such a difference; of course you acquiesce.

Frodo

He says nothing at first, expression just softening and crumpling in pain. One fair hand extends and finds purchase upon your shoulder; Frodo’s touch melts you and he feels your relaxation beneath him. “Oh,” he speaks your name so softly, all but reverently, “For so long you have been my strength and yet you carried this.” “I didn’t know how to tell you,” you answer, “Didn’t want you to think badly of me.” “How could I? You asked for none of that. So often do these things happen against our will.” “Sometimes I wish I had never said yes when I did. So I would have never had to say no,” you tell him, crumpling into his arms. Frodo presses a kiss to the crown of your head. I often remember what Gandalf told me: ‘All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us’. They may have chosen to use their time to hurt and to wrestle control, but no longer. Time can only do so much healing, I know, but I will be here for you. Here for it all.”

Sam

"You can't mean... They didn't!" Anger flashes in Sam's typically docile green eyes. "I know," you reply, "I shouldn't have-" "You shouldn't have? The only person who shouldn't have was that monster! Don't you dare apologize for something you didn't do, alright? I don't want that sort of thing running through your head." Sam's last sentence emerged quietly. Trembled with an uncertain sadness. It broke you and made you whole all over again. You gave a small nod. "You're right." Sam looked up and met your eyes once more, returning the gesture with a bit more vigor. "I see that now, and that is all thanks to you. You love me like I deserve. Fight for me in all you do. When I am with you, Sam, I have the love I always thought was just a dream.” Tears rose in his eyes then even as his lips smiled. “And when I met you I thought the same: this has to be a dream.”

Merry

“They didn’t.” “Unfortunately,” you nod, gaze locked upon your feet, “They did. Sometimes I wonder what might have been different if I had-” “Don’t do that to yourself!” Merry cut you off, pausing for a moment as a look of remorseful surprise came over him. “That is to say we can’t change the past. Just like we can’t see the future. I may not have been there for your past, but I do know nothing that happened came of what you did. People like that, they have no shame. You are far too kind for someone like that. They took advantage of you. Made you feel bad and that’s all them. All right?” It was still difficult to believe sometimes, but Merry’s voice was nothing but convicted, and you trusted him. Swallowing, you nodded. “All right.” The hobbit opened his arms. “Come here.” You fell right in.

Pippin

"No." Eyes wide, he shakes his head and reaches for your hands. "No. How could- How could anybody..." "I don't know," you sigh, relaxing slightly as his thumbs ran over the backs of your hands, "Perhaps I should never have-" Pippin cut you off there. "It wasn't your fault. None of it was. There isn't a thing you could do to make any of that alright. And I swear to you that I will never do anything of the like. After all, who could even think of putting a precious gem like yourself down, hm?" At those last words, the soothing touch of his hands, your tearful expression broke into a shaky smile. "What did I do to deserve you?" You asked. "Don't worry," he replied, "I ask myself the same thing every day. I love you, you know. And I want to treat you like it. If I ever don't, please help me." The longer he spoke, his words faded closer and closer to a whisper, those lovely green eyes focused solely, searchingly, upon your gaze. Tears returning alongside your smile, you nodded. "You already do, Pippin. You already do."

Faramir

Brows furrowed, Faramir takes your hands at once, blue eyes gazing deeply into yours. "There are no words to lift the weight of it all. Nothing I can say but that your pain is mine and that I know how difficult it is to speak of such things. Thank you, truly, for sharing this with me. I want to be worthy of this. Of you." Worthy of you? Him? "You are more than worthy, Faramir." "And I wish to continue to live up to that for the sake of your beautiful heart. I wish for you to never feel unworthy again." His voice breaks and your heart does the same, knowing how similar your experiences were- Faramir was made to feel lesser for years. "I want the same for you," you run your hands over his gently with a tentative smile, "And I think deep down I knew you would understand. That no one else would understand like you. We can love each other more every day." "I like the sound of that," Faramir replies, his eyes shining nothing but love into yours.

Eomer

Even as your words fade, you catch the way his hands tighten into fists, tense slightly at the sight. "Coward. That worm had no honor whatsoever. And you...here you stand triumphant." "It does not always feel so," you admit, gaze falling. Eomer places a hand upon your shoulder. "We all have our scars. To escape, to be free... Why, that is the greatest show of strength. Is it not what we all fight for? And fight you did! Believe me when I tell you I am nothing but proud of you." Eomer's normally stoic expression rises into a smile, his hand sliding from your shoulder gently down your arm and finally to grasp your hand and bring it to his lips. "Nobody has the right to treat you like property. They should feel ashamed trying to tame a heart like yours. I would have it tempered. Let me act as your bellows, then, to stoke your fire of resiliency." His words do indeed fuel the embers in your heart, coax fire to them as they bring a small smile to your lips. "I would like that." "And let that scoundrel hope to never come within a league of this place while I draw breath."

Eowyn

“So cruel this world can be!” Eowyn cries out. “How can they not see all you have to offer? This will hardly erase the hurt, but I will say this: the loss is theirs.” Leaning in, her voice lowers to a conspiratorial whisper at that last phrase, her lips raising in a tentative smile. “For your heart is strong and steadfast and your laugh is music to me. To have you by my side is naught but joy. So help me, I will never treat you as a belonging, put you in a cage. And if that is how you feel I would have you tell me." "Never," you answer her, "Nor would I do the same to you. I told you because I trust you to understand. Because I love you." She leans forward at this, connecting your foreheads; golden strands of hair tickle your cheek, but you mind not. "And I you," Eowyn breathes.

Haldir

Never have you seen Haldir's eyes darken such as they are now. A part of you wants to back away, but you know that his ire is not for you. Not when he shakes his head, looking at you with...not quite pity. Rather all that swims in his eyes as he turns back to you is a new understanding, something deep in the blue. His hands hover over you as if you are spun-glass, and with your eyelids fluttering shut you take them and rest them upon your hips. "I do not mean to trouble you with this news, I just..." "Trouble me? The only trouble I have is how badly I wish to punish anybody who hurts you." At that, he smirks a bit and you feel his hands grip you a bit tighter. A shiver runs down your spine at his words. "You know, I would hardly mind that at this point. Not exactly unearned. So this is no change to you?" "Only any changes you want me to make," Haldir answers.

Galadriel

Her face falls, but something in its look leads you to suspect she knew already. Galadriel's gifts lie far beyond your understanding. "Do not discount the light you bring to this world," her voice cuts through your thoughts, "For you remind me of its joys every day. There will always be those who seek to rob us of our light, but that is only to fill the darkness that is in their hearts. You are more than enough despite what they say. You need not trouble yourself with the words of lesser folk." Tears flood your eyes at her words and all you can do is nod, shakily smiling. You feel Galadriel's lips against one cheek, then the other, then upon the top of your head, and finally warmly and softly upon your lips. "I'm so lucky to have you," you tell her, and at that she shakes her head. "It is I who is the lucky one," she refutes with a mischievous but loving smile.

Elrond

For just a moment, his expression steels and you flinch back, but only for a moment before it’s softened like never before and falling. Pain. That is the only word to describe what crosses Elrond’s face. He feels your pain. Stepping closer, the Lord of Rivendell opens his arms, and with a tearful smile you fall into them, into the silken softness of his robe and the gentle warmth of his hold. “Healing takes time. I have time. And here I shall be to grant you peace as best I can. Please do not hesitate to ask it of me. If you ask it and it is within my power, I shall grant it.” “I’d like to stay like this,” you reply, words muffled by the cushion of your cheek to his chest, the sound of Elrond’s soothing heartbeat in your ear. “As would I,” he agrees softly.

Arwen

“Meleth nîn,” she addresses you softly, brows furrowed in concern, “You endured all that?” At her words, you just nod, gripping her hands a bit tighter. She gives yours a gentle squeeze in response. “Your strength knows no bounds. Fear not, for by my side you can take all the time you need. I can wait, you know.” At that, she giggles and you smile. You are, after all, in love with not only the fairest of beings but one immortal by nearly all accounts. Her smile alone brings you so much comfort. “You are the one I have chosen and I will not take that for granted. You are a gift and that anyone would cast that aside is folly.”

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[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

I’m not trying to be needlessly provocative, but when Elrond says this to Frodo:

"If you take [the ring to Mordor] freely I will say that your choice is right; and though all the mighty elf-friends of old, Hador, and Húrin, and Túrin, and Beren himself were assembled together, your seat should be among them."

What is Túrin doing on that list?? Yes, ok, he killed a dragon. But only after he killed his best elf friend; got in between his next best elf friend and his fiancée and then abandoned that fiancée to death; and brought down the entire kingdom of Nargothrond and nearly every elf in it. And that’s to say nothing of the havoc and death he wrought among the petty dwarves and the humans of Brethil and Dor-lómin.

I’m not without pity for Túrin and some of the situations he faced, but the man inarguably contributed directly to a LOT of unnecessary elvish deaths. So if you’re making a list of non-elves who have done something significant on behalf of elf-kind, Túrin hardly seems like the most compelling choice to me. Especially since his cousin somehow missed the list despite the fact that Tuor saved countless elves from the destruction of Gondolin, and he brought Eärendil into the world to eventually save all of Middle Earth! (I’ve got this same beef with the decision to make Túrin the hero of the Dagorath. I understand that it needs to be someone for whom the striking down of Morgoth is both cathartic and redemptive, but Húrin is the much more deserving candidate for that in my mind. All the catharsis and redemption without so much of Túrin’s self-pitying avoidance of responsibility for his own actions!)

Maybe Elrond felt weird about putting his own grandpa up there with the GOATs, but I just can’t see an argument for Túrin over Tuor! And Elrond’s already related to most of the list anyway!

So I guess what I’m saying is—petition to replace Túrin with Tuor on the elf-friend list!

[justagreengummybear]

Hello and welcome to episode 1 of my “Gaydar” series, where I tell people what sexuality I think characters from media are. I am bisexual so I think I’m qualified to say my opinion lol. First up is all the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit characters. I’m starting with the Hobbit because I just rewatched all three movies recently.

Bilbo: There is no way on this green and burning earth or in my mind that Bilbo gives off anything other than awkward, introverted, and chaotic trans gay man energy. I find it increasingly hilarious that despite Martin Freeman’s stance on things like this, that the two most popular characters that he’s played have the highest rate of being in the most gay ass ships known to the world of men. His likeness is carved into the most heartbreaking and also hottest gay ships ever known and he has to live with that.

Thorin: Bisexual disaster man who has absolutely no idea how to show that his love language is both physical touch and words of affirmation, so he gives people he loves what someone hilariously called “love bonks.” Seriously, he had this entire field, a vast open plane in front of the mountain to walk through and he still went right for Bilbo to bump his shoulder against his. Use your goddamn words to tell Bilbo you love him, you silly short little bisaster.

Gandalf: As one of the Maiar (basically an all powerful angel in Tolkien universe) I was originally going to say Gandalf is Pansexual, but upon further examination of his character, Gandalf is 100% demisexual and demiromantic. He’s literally thousands of years old and I feel like he absolutely would not find anyone attractive or see any romantic potential in them if they didn’t share the same lifespan as him (looking at you Lady Galadriel.) He’s a mess but we love him.

Balin: He’s that one old, gay uncle in your family that you didn’t know was gay until you’re older and then realize that’s why he never got married. He literally gives Globber the Belch from How to Train Your Dragon: “this is why I never married, that and… one other reason.” Bombastic side eye on you, my guy.

Dwalin: My husband. My man. My perfect fucking tank of a man. I was originally going to say that he’s very straight coded, but I could definitely see him being bi leaning more towards femme presenting people. I also ship him with my own original character, but that’s an entirely different discussion.

Oin and Glóin: They are also straight coded, but Oin I could see being similar to Dwalin, Bi just leaning more towards femmes. Glóin gives big “I don’t understand what the LGTBLMNOP stuff is but good for you” dad energy.

Ori and Nori: Definitely also bi, but leaning more towards masc presenting people. Ori just gives sweet little gay woodshop nerd and there’s something about how Nori styles his hair that makes him seem fairly gay.

Dori: 100% gay. There’s not much explanation for this one, it’s just the vibe I get off him. He definitely spills some chamomile tea with Balin on those late nights in Erebor.

Bombur: Eh, he’s straight. Man is married and canonically has 6 kids. But he’s super chill with everyone because he’s the absolute goat of acceptance.

Fili and Kili: Fili is a proud and out pansexual man who is not picky at all. People are hot, he don’t care. Kili is bi but straight leaning, just for the “that’s not an elf maid” joke.

Bofur: Absolute legendary pansexual icon. Bofur can have anyone or everyone he wants because he’s just such a sweet little dork who gives no fucks about who or what you identify as. If he thinks they’re attractive, they’re attractive, end of story.

Bifur: Asexual. But he likes to watch. Next question.

Thranduil: Bisexual pillow princess. No more notes.

Bard: Bisexual. It gets lonely in that tiny lake town.

Tauriel: Another straight character, but I mean it in the most loving way possible. She loves short kings, what else can I say?

Now onto the LOTR cast-

Frodo: You poor sweet gay boy, let me give you a hug. Seriously, this boy deserves all the love and care in the world, which his best friend would absolutely give him.

Sam: Bisexual king. I can’t Not see Frodo and Sam being soulmates in every lifetime and Sam loving both Frodo and Rosie equally with his fucking Litter of 13 children. Rosie definitely gives the vibe that she wouldn’t mind watching her husband with his boyfriend.

Merry and Pippin: They’re both bi, but Pippin gives vague trans or gender-fluid vibes, I can’t tell which though.

Legolas: Bi, gender-fluid and 100% a bottom. Elves are essentially beings of light that choose physical forms suiting their own wants, and if that’s not gender-fluid coded, I don’t know wtf is.

Ghimli: Also bi, but aggressively so. He thought Galadriel was so fucking pretty and then he turned around to insult his twink boyfriend every chance he got. It’s his love language and Legolas seems to be into that.

Boromir: Straight but literally the most chill and accepting ally you’ve ever seen. Protective dad energy.

Faramir: Totally bi. When he saw his future wife’s crush, he absolutely said “Yeah, I get it.” Probably more fuel for his dad to hate him tho. “Miss me with that gay shit,” Denethor, probably.

Arwen: My queen, my gay awakening, and another straight character, which isn’t bad necessarily, but she can definitely peg her husband whenever she wants.

Aragorn: Sorry Bofur, but Aragorn gets the number one spot for most fruity character in this series. The man, the myth, the legend. Aragorn is a pansexual, polyamorous mess and his vibe is literally one of my favorite jokes.

“Hello, my name is Arwen. This is my husband, Aragorn. This is Aragorn’s boyfriend, Legolas. And this is Legolas’s husband, Ghimli.”

Absolute icon.

Eowyn: Also straight, but upon meeting Aragorn’s girlfriend turned wife, she would absolutely cave and say “Oh. I get it now.”

She definitely wouldn’t say no if Arwen offered a four way with her and Faramir. She would only accept if Faramir did. Which he would.

And before anyone asks about the villains, they are all straight (derogatory) and that’s my stance on it.

So there we have it, my hot take on the absolute fruit bowl that is the LOTR and Hobbit movies. I hope you all found this funny/stupid/entertaining or something.

[artist-issues]

Hello, yes, it’s Halloween Week and I’d like to say one more time, here, because nobody wants to hear it elsewhere:

The death and darkness is part of the Story the Year Tells, and ignoring it is bad, but so is treating it like a good thing.

The only thing good about monsters, evil, death, and darkness, is that it all ends. But if we skip to “it’s gone,” then we miss the use we have in remembering it.

If you take the shark out of Jaws there’s no emotional climax when the main character says “I used to be afraid of the water.” If Scar doesn’t rule the Pridelands for a while, nobody cares that Simba’s coming back. If Sauron’s blanket of darkness hadn’t spread so far over Middle-Earth— if Gollum as a nasty grotesque character hadn’t existed because he’s “too scary” and “too dark”—or even if we’d seen less of him—then it wouldn’t mean as much when the good guys win. You wouldn’t care as much when Frodo is tempted by the Ring, because you’ve never seen how bad that can get, because you never got to see and dwell on Gollum, for a minute.

Halloween is the Gollum of The Story the Year Tells.

The spirit of it, the part where we remind ourselves darkness and monsters exist, but we don’t live in an UNHEALTHY obsession with them, has always been that.

The World goes “let’s make evil and monsters celebratory and awesome.” If the church goes “no we shouldn’t celebrate evil and monsters, we should totally ignore them instead!” then who is putting monsters and evil in their proper place?

Who is saying, “evil exists, monsters are real, we were once dead, we were once walking in darkness, we were once monsters, that’s why it’s SO AWESOME that we’re a new creation in Christ?”

Nobody. The world gets to go “there’s no such thing as evil, evil is actually a cooler version of good! Witches are neat, werewolves are awesome, and vampires are sexy!” And Christians get to go, “no there’s no such thing as evil, Christians don’t think about evil, the just think about pumpkins and hay bales.” But actually all you’re united in is ignoring evil.

God uses death as His do-boy. He uses dead imagery to describe parts of the salvation story. He allows decay and rot and skeletons and warping to happen, on some level, because He fixes it. And in the fixing, it shows off His character. If you pretend the darkness isn’t real or isn’t relevant, then the darkness doesn’t go away. It just gets to decide how it’s perceived. If there’s a werewolf in the room with you and you go, “I don’t do werewolves,” and turn your back guess what, it’s just going to eat you from behind.

Do what the ancient people did. Tell stories about the monsters as a cautionary tale, and describe how to get rid of them, because as dangerous as they are, ha ha, they don’t get to win.

We’re supposed to take the way the world has warped good instincts and un-warp them, not pretend they don’t exist.

So what I’m saying is, carve jack-o-lantern faces with your kids and talk about how the light shines through the dead thing. Dress them up as goblins and werewolves and then don’t let them have any candy until after they’ve taken the costumes off, and go, “see, you were once dead in your trespasses and sins, but now, in Christ, you are a new creation!” And then give em the candy. Write stories about monsters that get cured when they don’t deserve it, or monsters that are unstoppable by anything except pure sacrifice.

But don’t write out the monsters, that’s not your job.

Happy Halloween.

[wildsunscorpion]

you know what. if Gandalf had emphasized how powerful the ring is instead of just saying "magic rings shouldn't be used lightly" and didn't hurt Bilbo's pride by telling him "you're just a little fellow in this big wide world after all" (which is total jerk shit Gandalf really you're so fucking smart are you Bilbo didn't deserve those words), maybe Bilbo could have actually given him the ring and avoided the whole Frodo going to Mordor thing and the whole lord of the rings franchise.

[frodobaggins-appreciation]

have a Frodo to make your day better