#frankly tumblr brings me no joy now

[adimouze]

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[fracturedsunsets]

Finding Comfort, Losing It: My Journey with Fandom Burnout in the Marauders Fandom

I wanted to share my experience with fandom burnout in case anyone else has felt something similar but didn’t know what to make of it.

Like many in the fandom, I crave comfort like oxygen. Feeding off these storylines, characters, headcanons, and fanfics for a long time gave me that sense of comfort. This space was my escape, and I got high off of it. Living through stories that were so carefully crafted and presented was essential for me. But now, I feel none of that. No longer exciting, heartwarming, or soothing, but rather disconnecting, distasteful, and hurtful. The way I could describe it is that it feels like I’m grieving. It sounds dramatic; trust me, I know. But why or what went wrong? I could name a few reasons. 

I got into the Marauders fandom when it started booming on Tumblr in 2015. It was exactly what I pictured it to be—wholesome, creative, and fun. I loved it. Coming back now, a lot has changed, but the sense of belonging is still there. There is something indescribable about making up stories, ships, and headcanons about characters that we continue to deepen our understanding of, and we can all relate to it. 

Most of all, though, I felt connected and understood. Sure, we all shared a silly passion, but it felt like this fandom gave me an outlet—access to be myself and to feel loved and understood through it. It sounds personal because it was. I took it personally.

The moment that did it for me was when I read a triggering fanfic that was enjoyable initially, but eventually, I felt the need to put it down. In any other circumstance, I would’ve. But there is something to be said about being in a fandom that makes me feel  “obligated” to finish it. I’m “obligated” to keep up with the latest fanfics, continuously pump out content, and keep up. Mostly, it’s about keeping up. So I didn’t put it down— I finished it and regret it heavily. 

Now, I’m left with so much dread and frustration that it got to the point where I’m hurt. The past few weeks, I had to reconcile with this new beginning—the fact that my relationship with this fandom is now tainted by this one horrible experience. As a result, I lost much joy, bringing forth a wave of sadness every time I was reminded of this fandom. 

I’m not blaming the fanfic author or the fandom in any way for the fact that I crossed my boundaries. But how this fandom is and how we interact with it is very enlightening. People take things very personally here (even though we’re arguing about dead gay fictional characters, come on), and it’s because this fandom is personal to us. We love this place. A bit too much. To the point where we’re incredibly defensive and argumentative. And frankly, I don’t want to be a part of this space if that’s all it is. I like the breeze, the chill, the ease I initially felt—none of the rest. 

I’m still navigating this journey. I know I need a break from this fandom. I know I’m still grieving the fandom I used to find so much solace in that now feels like a sharp, dull pain. I know I shouldn’t have poured my personal feelings into this space because look where that left me — hurt. 

If there’s anything to take away from this — let this be your reminder to listen to yourself. Give yourself grace. There is no need to be obligated to any aspect of the fandom. Do you. And most of all, don’t take it personally. It’s not worth it. You can still love these characters and stories, set firm boundaries, and choose how you interact with this fandom. This is supposed to be a safe space, and while it may not feel like that in its entirety, you can make it safe for yourself.

[age-of-moonknight]

Hi!! Hello

I feel like we are not getting a lot of steven as much as both marc and jake, like what motivates them and such. Having said that, what would your aproach be at developing steven both personally and in his relationship with jake and marc?

Btw, your blog is still my favorite one in all of tumblr, I look forward both to new releases and your commentary after every single one <3

Hello! And thank you so much for the ask and for hanging around! :D I am immeasurably glad that this blog is something that sparks a little joy in your life. 🤍🖤 As for Steven, I see your point! You actually brought up something I've been mulling over deep in my brainpan for a hot minute, so (as always seems to happen when I answer asks whoops), this got a little long. There's a bit of preamble on how I came to my conclusion, but I'm pretty sure I more directly address your question in the second part, so you can just skip to there if you'd like hahaha

Part I: Preamble Not to hijack the whole lunar theme, but Moon Knight comics do go through phases and one type of phase involves some authors giving a bit more panel time to one of the guys (e.g. Jake in the first volume of Vengeance of the Moon Knight, Steven through a lot of the first Moon Knight volume as I recall). Currently, we're in a phase of focusing a bit more on Marc and, while MacKay's work on Moon Knight has been some of the most consistently enjoyable comics I've encountered in a while, I do miss Jake and Steven. Steven in particular, has been a little out of focus. On the one hand, I can kind of see how that happened. After how previous authors chose to portray him, my interpretation is that Jake's character needed a bit of time dedicated to returning him back to his essence (but that's a whole other kettle of worms). Additionally, I will always be the first person to rail against comic characters getting pigeonholed by editorial as having a certain "role" within a comic and once that role's been fulfilled elsewhere, editorial struggles to know what to do with that character and potentially discards them entirely (or worse, warps them beyond recognition, but again, I don't need to be bring up here how salty I am about how Marvel editorial has treated other characters hahaha) and I believe that might be a bit of the case with Steven. For a long time, the guys' dynamic was understood as Steven makes money and high society connections, Jake makes friends and underground connections, and Marc makes uuuuuh let's say "extreme bodily harm to his enemies" and is not really fit to be seen in society due to, you know, the crimes against humanity. Now that Marc's lost all of their money and, in a turn of events frankly more miraculous then his multiple resurrections (perhaps to no one's greater surprise than Marc's), established himself and the Midnight Mission as upstanding parts of the community, Steven's two main "jobs" in the reductive sense aren't as easily inserted into the narrative anymore. Part II: Actually Answering Your Question (Sorry) HOWEVER, even beyond my never ending love for Steven just as he is, I believe there's more to explore.

Particularly, when I first read your ask, the first thing that popped up in my head was this page from the most recent Moon Knight annual:

Moon Knight Annual (Vol. 5/2024), #1.

Historically and including in Moon Knight (Vol. 9/2021), #24, writers have portrayed Steven as the respectable one who wants to settle down, but this idea that Steven's just as much a thrill seeker as Jake and Marc -- it just manifests differently -- greatly intrigues me. As such, personally, I would LOVE to see more of Steven's work on the logistical side of things. They don't need huge sums of cash to throw around; Steven's probably just a bit more adept at understanding how financing both legitimate and illegitimate ventures work, so he can either direct them or manipulate them as necessary. He can be messing with criminal finances for Moon Knight work in ways that carries just as much risk as pounding the pavement. Authors have alluded to such things previously, with Mr. MacKay highlighting how critical finances are to continuing the Midnight Mission's work in the community and how Moon Knight can even use them for fighting crime.

Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu (Vol. 1/2024), #0.

This little gem of an infinity comic actually addressed the topic even more explicitly.

Avengers Unlimited (Vol. 1/2022), Infinity Comic, #64.

I get it, white collar crime and financial maneuvering is a lot more difficult to make appear exciting in the comic medium as opposed to, say, fisticuffs or edged weapons. In my opinion at least though, this is cool!!! Marines make jokes about their organization's history of struggling with logistics, but that underlines how critical that aspect is to making sure anything can operate effectively! Using the full range of skills and resources available to most efficiently execute justice is just something that feels very Moon Knight to me. That interpretation also helpfully supports my argument that Steven should be just as involved in Moon Knight work as Marc and Jake, just in an "occupational specialty," if you will that looks as different from what Jake and Marc do as how different Jake's networking looks from Marc's....very kinetic approach to problems. Accordingly, I guess I would just like to see Steven utilized in the narrative more as the "scalpel" of the trio. There is a time for everything, including Marc cracking skulls, Jake shaking hands and slapping backs to collect HUMINT, but also for Steven's precise and surgical approach that can dismantle a whole organization perhaps without even any bloodshed. After all,

Moon Knight (Vol. 9/2021), #25.

Steven's got his own way of doing things.

I guess, ultimately, is it too much for me to ask that Steven, Jake, and Marc be all equally valued for the unique skill sets they bring to Moon Knight? That they support each other, particularly with how wonderfully complimentary those skill sets are? hahaha

[snow-lavender]

now that we're a week out from the finale, i'm feeling settled enough to make my sappy post. TL;DR is: fable has been incredibly important to me, and i think it's a story that's important to have out there. to the community and cast, you've made something beautiful and helped me more than you could know.

so here we go-

i started watching fable in the summer of 2022, to kill time in between summer courses (and thank fuck for that, cause my brain desperately needed to have some fun after 5 hours a day of doing psych stats by hand.) i was originally pulled in by vo'lete, as dissecting a conlang is really fun to me. it became basically the only media i consumed, as 2022/2023 was the fourth year of my BA and i was crazy busy. and then the characters pulled me in further with their earnestness and their devotion to redemption and compassion.

i think one of the theses of fable is "people always deserve happiness. doing awful things doesn't erase your ability to change." and i think the simplicity and love of that take hit really close to home. in the era of modern fandom where bad actors try to make everything black and white, it's an important point to make.

i started making shitposts on tumblr, started enaging with stories from an analysis standpoint again, and found a lot of joy in the community here. i don't have the words for what that means to me, so i'll just default to you guys are great <3

then mid-august happened

those of you who frequent rin's streams might have caught bits and pieces of this, but basically, i had a fall and my knee became royally fucked beyond belief. it can only be fixed with a surgery that's not very common. the pain was (and still is) debilitating to the point that i had to drop out of my second degree, and couldn't walk more than like, a block every few days. my life, my dreams, my future all got put on hold. i was in a new city with no supports, no friends, and no way to leave my apartment. fable went from the only media i consumed to the only thing i did, period.

the fandom became the only people i talked to regularly, other than my family, as online relationships were the only ones possible to maintain. in fableblr and in rin's chat i've found people who i really click with, people whose company i enjoy and who enjoy mine. when i was lying in bed, feeling so alone and less than human, having people on the internet go "i know who you are and you are making an impact," quite frankly, kept me sane. i know i don't talk to people super often, but know that seeing you in my notifs brings me so much joy, and i'd love to talk to you more.

to assuage any worries- i'm doing a bit better now. i've moved back in with my parents so i have human contact and people who can make up for the things i can't do. i have a new doctor who is taking the severity of my condition very seriously and is fighting to get me treated asap. i'll be okay.

so yeah. fable has been super important to me, and will remain so! for me it's a story with so much joy and deep feelings and rediscovery of passions and just. fun. it's been so much fun. and i'm not letting go of that fun any time soon. i'm gonna keep making and watching and enjoying.

to sage, corn, and cob- you guys are great, i cherish every time we get to talk. i hope that it's okay that i count you among my friends

to my other mutuals and people who are here frequently- recognizing you in my notes is such a joy and i hope to get to know you better. y'all are cool and i'm glad you think i'm funny

to rin- thank you for nurturing your little community and creating a space where i have so much fun. also thank you for putting up with my constant setting off of automod

to beck- thank you for making a story that explores sisterhood in all its ugliness and beauty, that shows how even families full of love can fuck up, that holds space for loneliness and loss and joy and fear and new beginnings

to the rest of the cast- thank you for making a story with so many varied and yet connected points, characters and world. with so much love in it. you've truly done something special here and its impact will not be forgotten

to all of you- thank you for knowing my name. thank you for breathing life and joy into these stories. i can't wait to see what else we make. <3

[ladyeyrewrites]

This year has been frankly exhausting and started off terribly. In January, my grandfather died after a long, slow and bitter decline due to Parkinson's disease. A week later, I had abdominal surgery that failed to find the source of my pain. Then there was recovery and figuring out a pain management plan.

There was the depression.

The lack of creativity because I was too stressed about my health and my job hunt and the self-doubt that came with rejection after rejection.

But then Buck and Tommy kissed and it sparked something and I started writing new words again, if only for myself.

I went home to the states for five weeks to visit family, attend my grandfather's memorial, and go to a writers conference and I carried Buck and Tommy with me in the back of my mind. I lurked on tumblr, but didn't interact because of the toxicity the other side of the fandom was throwing around.

And then *those* fics were posted and sent to people's asks and a switch flipped. I realised I was no longer content to sit on the sidelines. I wanted to participate in the fandom. I wanted to add a positive voice to the choir in the hopes of drowning out the hate.

I was honestly, extremely nervous to post at first, but I got such lovely feedback that I felt compelled to write more and post more and since August I've written and posted over 230,000 words of BuckTommy fic across 17 works and 2 series. And it's brought me so much joy being actively engaged in a fandom again for the first time since probably 2010 or 2011.

My anxiety still hold me back from engaging as much as I'd like sometimes, but I've really enjoyed the interactions I've had.

And now 2024 has an hour left to go in my time zone and so much has changed from the start of the year. I still have pain, but I know how to manage it, which makes it less stressful (mostly). I have a new job that I like and that doesn't have any of the red flags of my last job. I have a new interest that's bringing creativity into my life.

And even though there's a lot to come in 2025 especially in my country of origin that will likely be frightening, that will likely infuriate me or bring me moments of despair, at least I know that there's a group of people here who will always look for ways to bring positivity into each other's lives.

(Also, I just edited almost 5k on my fic. I'm not going back and reading what I just wrote to see if it makes sense or if there are any typos. Editing brain is done for the year, it will see you all in 2025).

[therealvinelle]

Wait this is super late and already February BUUt

what was your tumblr blog wrapped? Favorite ask of 2023? Most thought provoking?? Strangest ask of 2023?

Better late than never! Although we have an immediate problem: I have absolutely no recollection of which asks I received in 2023, so we'll have to dig through my drafts for this one (as interesting questions are the ones I start answering only to be overwhelmed by, and then shove into drafts where they are forgotten).

So, looking through my 2023 drafts we have:

Most thought provoking

Which Agatha Christie plot would Carlisle actually stand a chance of solving? Like he wakes up human and is told he's the famous Hercule Poirot, what's the best case scenario there?

Anon has no idea how much joy they bring me when they ask me to think about murder mysteries, my only gripe is that anon is clearly not a Christie veteran because while Poirot was her most famous detective, the woman had lots of detectives. Poirot, Miss Marple, Tommy and Tuppence, Superintendent Battle, or one-off characters such as Calgary in Ordeal by Innocence. The one-off characters are typically ordinary people who suddenly find themselves in the middle of some insane plot unfolding (see: Calgary finding out that he was supposed to be a hanged man's alibi, now he wants to set things right, or the narrator of Crooked House who got engaged to a nice girl only to find out her family is insane).

All of this to say: Carlisle doesn't wake up as Poirot, he is the Poirot, our Christie hero of the day who gets entangled in a conspiracy of some kind.

Which means I'd have to think of an Agatha Christie-esque plot of my own to fit Carlisle into it, and then explain how he solves it and this frankly is a fic, not a tumblr post.

Kudos also go to the person who very stupidly asked me why I'm so obsessed with Alphard Black recently when he's a non-character in the Harry Potter franchise, they got this reply. (TLDR: I squinted at the Black family tree until I'd gone insane.)

Favorite ask

Somebody asked me about the RMS Titanic :')

Also this one: Voldie metamorphosis anon here, I can't believe someone already asked you that lol. Weird! Now that you're a wizard terrorist with mind control spells, what terrible Oslo city planning decisions would you interfere with?

Splendid question, anon, but I was overwhelmed and just wanted to type "Barcode. Barcode!! THE PLANS FOR GAUSTAD SYKEHUS" and attach lots of pictures of Ullevål hospital, my beloved, and ended up stepping away from the keyboard with my hands in the air.

Strangest asks

I'll just list a few as I scroll down my inbox.

You have purgatory, where there are Tom Riddles from different "universes". What would Edward Cullen's purgatory look like? Are they all sad because they're in hell? Do they have complex polycules? They don't talk to each other at all? I want to know your thought What gets me about this one is the first sentence, where we take a Purgatory of Tom Riddles for an established fact. I feel @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta probably made a post about it at some point except neither of us have any recollection of such a post actually existing.

Do you think the cullen would like you Never have I felt more like Regina George walked into my inbox than when I received this one. No, anon, and I know you know it too.

klaus wants to date rebekah & elijah ?? would you please explain I've never been more flabbergasted than by anon watching one of the CW Incest Shows and being shocked, just shocked, by the idea there might have been hints there. I wonder what anon made of Wincest, I really really do.

[cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut]

Take Me Back to Paris!

Oh gosh, I wasn't gonna do this so soon but I've given two family members a separate rundown of the entire event and it has fired me up to write about Paris after all.

TLDR: I had a great time, met great people, and I love all the photos. The event was not well organised, but the joy it brought outweighs that aspect, and I already wish I could turn back the clock and live it all over again 💛

Firstly, those three hours of queuing on Friday night will now always be written into my bones. I'm gonna be a little old man with no memories left someday and my grandchildren will keep wondering why I'm talking about some scandalous three hour queue! In seriousness, I'm so glad we stuck it out in the queue because it made Saturday morning so much easier.

The opening ceremony was a journey...Lots of hype, lots of screaming. This was also where I realised I was excited to see everyone's outfits, and they all looked amazing quite frankly.

On Saturday I started with the autograph and selfie with Ronen, which was a delight. I got to tell him about Tarlos being the first time I've seen such a beautiful, healthy relationship between two men my age on TV before. He asked me if there's nothing like it even on Scottish TV, and I told him there isn't. He also said they don't seem to meet many fans from Scotland, so I liked having that brief chat. I asked him to sign a picture from the Tarlos wedding, which I was also gonna ask Rafa to sign, and he wrote "Hi, Jamie." Lol. I asked him if it was okay to hug him and he said yes, and that was a lovely moment.

Then I queued for Rafa's autograph and selfie. In this queue I met the delightful @dreamingofmickeywaffles, which is the first time I've ever met a stranger and shared my tumblr name, only for them to respond that they'd read one of my stories recently and liked it. That was a lovely moment, and I really enjoyed our chat. Talk to me about Chicago Fire any time!

Rafa is such a sweet guy, honestly. I told him the same thing I told Ronen really, and it was lovely to be able to thank them both for Tarlos in those moments. I also gave Rafa the card I'd written him. I love how both the selfies came out, and now I have the wedding picture with both of their signatures, which brings me So. Much. Joy. I also asked Rafa if I could hug him, and that was lovely too.

Next was the panel with both Ronen and Rafa, which I thought felt low key and fun. There are clips out there now where Ronen says the thing about how Carlos is TK's honeymoon, and dear lord does he know how to get us right in the heart. This was also a place where I was like, oh wow, Rafa puts so much consideration into his answers, and is clearly a very philosophical person in his thinking. I can't remember if it was this panel, but there was one where Rafa was giving a very considered answer to someone's question, was getting quite deep with it, and Ronen spotted someone taking their phone out for a photo and, mid Rafa's profound response, simply stuck his tongue out for the camera. This sums up a lot of their energy over the weekend! Loved it.

The individual photos were so much fun. Aside from being suddenly struck by the realisation that hunger was becoming a serious problem, and being so warm in Ronen's queue I truly had a moment of thinking I might faint! By this time of the day Ronen had brought energy juice to the panel and said he was crashing hard, but I think we both look great in the picture haha. Aside from the selfies, which just naturally seem to come out better (the boys knew how to pick a good angle) I think this is my favourite picture of all the ones I got, actually.

Conventions are amazing but a weirdly big thing to put your body through! By the time I got my pic with Rafa they were asking people if anyone was willing to wait until the next day so that Rafa could actually leave for the day as he was already there later than intended, and Ronen, at least, had gone home already.

It was not a very well organised event, really. @carlos-in-glasses has talked about this in their own rundown of the event, and I really just echo it all. The chaos was worth it, but the chaos was also very stressful at times.

The actors clearly felt this too. In the meeting room on Sunday morning, I can't recall if it was Ronen or Rafa who asked if we were all having a good time. We were all very enthusiastically saying yes, and then he asked if we felt the event was well organised, and the room went totally silent. It's a shame that the disorganisation affected everyone (and I also saw it affecting the staff at the event as well so I don't blame them individually at all). I think having a few more stewards on the ground would have helped, as well as better signposting and an accurate schedule, or rather a more comprehensive way of updating the schedule for everyone to see. We were told the online schedule would change in accordance with any alteration throughout, but this did not seem to be the case. This did lead to a lot of uncertainty and worry over people missing the things they'd paid to do.

After the meeting room on Sunday was the 911 lone star panel, which was just a delight. I only went to two panels over the weekend but I loved them both. The cast talked about how well they get on outside of the show, and I think that really comes across when you see them all together. Rafa said his first impression of Ronen was that he was slightly off rhythm in the rehearsal for the honky tonk dancing scene. Ronen disputed this and said he "slayed" the final scene, and Rafa replied, "Oh sweetie, that was the 20th take."

Next up was another autograph and selfie with Rafa, and then with Ronen. I asked Rafa to write out part of an answer he'd given someone in a panel the day before, to someone looking for advice for people who struggle to love themselves and accept themselves as they are. His whole answer to this was beautiful, and on my picture he wrote, "Know that your heart is always your solution."

There was confusion about the queue for Ronen here. He was scheduled to be doing autographs but was actually in a meeting room, which the staff at the queue were not aware of but @actuallysara's input saved the day. I think we queued for roughly an hour? We were then given priority numbers to come back to his afternoon signing and go to the front of the queue. My favourite part about this is that when the afternoon session came and we were waiting for Ronen, the schedule was still running behind, and when Ronen arrived at last he said, "Don't worry, the eagle has landed."

I gave Ronen the card I wrote him, and asked him to write out one of his song lyrics for me, and he seemed hyped to be asked that, which was lovely. We talked a little about his music and what it has meant to me recently, and he said the line I requested ("Swimming back to shore so you are safe with me') was one of his favourites that he's written, and he sang it very quietly as he wrote it down. He said he thinks his all time favourite line of his is "You should be my memory." I told him I love that song too but so many of the lines are about people not loving each other anymore so it felt strange to request a line from that song. Ronen laughed and said, "Yeah, like, 'you broke my heart!' " He said the band are releasing an EP this year as he has lots of time to write now. I really enjoyed getting to talk to him about music.

Next up was the autograph and selfie with Sierra, and oh man, she's so lovely. I asked her if she was enjoying the convention and she said she was having the time of her life, and that she was so grateful to be there. She said, sarcastically, that she wasn't sure if this was coming across. I said it came across and her energy was just so great. I wanted to tell her she was radiant, but decided this was too much! She was, though. She was just delightful, and I love the selfie we got.

I ducked out for a drink with @carlos-in-glasses and @meditating-honey-badger and co. which was very much needed. We had such. a nice time just sitting and chatting.

My last things of the day were the photo op with Natacha (who looked stunning, dear lord) and Ronen, and then a photo op with Ronen, in which I asked if we could do a sunglasses on photo (he was definitely hungover and I love that for him) and so we did.

And yes, as has been mentioned before, seeing the actors around the hallways was so surreal at first and then just became oddly normal. @carlos-in-glasses and I, as we left on Sunday evening, talked about how strange it felt that we weren't just going to see them all milling around tomorrow as we'd gotten so used to. We saw a lot of them just waving to people, or just saying hi as they passed. Honorary mention to Ronen walking through the lobby with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

Oh gosh this post is long. I truly had an amazing time in Paris. There are things that could have been better organised, but these imperfections pale in comparison to the joy this event brought me. The actors were lovely, I struck up conversation with very sweet strangers in multiple queues (oh the queues), and all the photos and merch I've come away with are perfect. And I met some amazing online friends and became in person friends!

I loved meeting @actuallysara, and thanking them for the guide to the convention, without which I would have definitely made some mishaps! It was so lovely to chat between events.

@noxsoulmate it was so good to meet you as well, and I love the selfie we took together! Your energy the whole weekend was just delightful, and your joy was absolutely contagious.

@meditating-honey-badger, I had such a great time getting to know you and your awesome companion. Thank you so much for reaching out to me on Discord all those weeks ago! I really do hope we get to see each other again sometime in the future.

@carlos-in-glasses where to start! I would have been lost without you on this journey, both literally and metaphorically. I feel like we just clicked as well in person as we had online, and I loved how effortless it was to talk in depth with you about life and writing. I will never forget the rooftop bar chats about Tarlos and fanfic, and I hope we get to do that again someday, if not in Paris then maybe somewhere in the UK. You are just so kind and lovely, and I feel so lucky to call you my friend 💛

I don't know if next year's convention will be viable for me, as I found myself in somewhat of a unique financial position to be able to afford it this year. Also, while it was a beautiful experience, it was also a lot. So that's a question for future me. For now, the magic of this event is gonna stay fully intact, and I am gonna be caught daydreaming about Paris intermittently for quite some time, I can tell. I mean, I got to hug Ronen and Rafa. Haha.

This trip was the best weekend I've had in ages, and I needed it. I already miss it, and I'm so grateful for everything about it. Part of me will always be in Paris--queuing, most likely, but entirely happy.

[secretprincesskitty]

This is fan fiction by AI (the only one who really likes this ship)

...

So what does an officer of Temeria do in their free time? You must have some time to relax occasionally? What do you like to do to take your mind off things? To have fun?

Sex and drinks

BlushesIs that all?

Slight smile on her faceYou know the best of us are often more than you would expect. Are there any other... recreational activities that you enjoy?Battles, reports, murder, espionage...

But surely you must have some other interests besides... all of that. A life dedicated entirely to soldiery, I think it's admirable but it's such a waste. You have a mind and passion. There must be more to you then just fighting.

Smile kindly

What brings you joy?

Looks into his eyes

Not just... pleasure, but something beyond that, what brings you true happinesI know you think that now. But there has to be more to life than fighting and duty. I know we live in a cruel, brutal world. I know you have suffered a lot of hardships. But surely you can't think that your entire life is only about serving Temeria. What about your dreams? Your aspirations? Your hopes? Your loves? Don't you want to do anything beyond duty?

Looks at him with kind, sad eyes

Or do you think that this is all you can ever be and all you are meant for?

Vernon RocheI don't want to be alone...

I'll be honest with you mate

ai is shit and should crash and burn

this is difficult to read, one of the reasons why ai is shit, people think an artificial "intelligence" made it so it must be good enough, but it just code that puts words next to each other that it was told would fit, if you're inclined to use it, you have at least to wrestle that into something that reads nicely

vernon rochel = yeah you didn't really do the proofreading

I don't care for Ciri in relationships, I only reblog nice pictures of her or texts with an interpretation of a character that I like, but you know that already

this is your version of the characters. the way you describe them is unrecognisable to me, but it's okay, you do you and have fun, but don't expect me to like how you depict Ciri

Ciri is genderfluid and aroace to me and I frankly don't give enough fucks about Roche to think too long about him

how about you leave tumblr and stay on insta where over 800 people love your ship and try to engage with them

[thefudge]

Hi! Been a fan of you for a very, very long time now, and I can't help but wondering what with the most recent puritanism wave ruining so many fandoms, have you received any hate? If so, how do you deal with it? Any advice for us putting up with it but refusing to stop writing just because strangers on the internet don't approve of it? Frankly, I admire how you keep writing for yourself despite all the toxicity going around lately especially now that I have seen so many accounts being attacked so viciously over what they ship or like to write about

long-time fan ahh! <3 so glad you're here

so, i think for me it's a combo of getting lucky and doing my best to ignore it. it helps that i wasn't on twitter for a long time, because lots of call-outs and aggressive puritan behavior have been happening over there more than on tumblr (at least recently). i do have a fic-related twitter now but it's pretty lowkey. so i think i've just flown under the radar, even though i have a solid readership.

there's also the fact that i write for so many fandoms and that might help disperse my presence. i've noticed that ppl who write exclusively for 2-3 fandoms (especially very popular ones) get more attacks, but i could be wrong.

that being said, ignoring it and doing your thing is probably the best way to go about it, which is what i try to do. i've seen folks say they're going to delete their fics or stop writing altogether and while i respect that choice, because we all have to take care of ourselves, i feel like doing that just plays into the bullies' hands. this hobby brings us joy and it brings other people joy. we shouldn't deprive ourselves (and others) of that. you said it best: "writing for yourself". that's an important element. this is a very personal, accessible, totally gratuitous way of making art and we just have to remember that as we carry on. i get sometimes wanting to walk away from it. especially if someone is being genuinely harassed, staying off-line for a while might be necessary. we have to keep ourselves safe first. but i naively hope stories will prevail, meaning that a lot of these boring, sanctimonious bullies will hopefully fade away and what will remain is our passion for writing and reading stories.

[shywhitemoose]

Tag Game to Better Know You

Thank you for the tag @jmobiwanspadawan  🤎

It’s been a long time since I’ve done one of these, and it was a nice distraction :)

What book are you currently reading?

Oh dear, not off to a great start. No books at the moment 😩

What’s your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

I.. can’t remember the last time I was in a movie theatre?

What do you usually wear?

Most days: jeans, t-shirt, compression socks, fidget necklace, sneakers or birkenstocks. When I go to the office I wear a slightly nicer version of that :)

How tall are you?

5′5″ on an ambitious day

What’s your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Cancer. Famous birthday buddies? Nelson Mandela 💛

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

IRL, my name. On tumblr, a nice mix.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

Oh gosh. I wanted to be so many things. Mother and environmental scientist were not on the list, but here I am 🤷‍♀️  I suppose I did want to be an artist, which technically I am? I just don’t like doing it for money, ha. I also wanted to be, in no particular order of preference: zookeeper, surgeon, finishing carpenter, beach bum, baker, professional bowler, tornado chaser, math teacher, lifetime peace corp volunteer, long distance trucker, firefighter.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

It’s complicated, but effectively, no. And no crushes aside from fictional characters and a Swedish curler I’ve never met lol

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

I’m a decent artist and a terrible singer. A good baker and a mess of a public speaker.

Dogs or cats?

Both please!! I only have cats at the moment due to family preferences, but I love both. All animals, in fact. They are all so neat! 🐈🐕‍🦺🐍🕷🐇🐄🐿🦥🐳🐓🦉🦌

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

Hmm.. if we’re talking within the last year, probably the hands (Don’t Let Go). Took me ages to finish and it might actually be my favorite of any piece I’ve completed in digital medium.

For writing.. maybe this lil bit of A Plea from the Lost to the Found?

Anakin shifted again, lifted his head, and their eyes met. “Why?”

Here, staring directly into the missing half of his soul, Obi-Wan could only offer honesty. “Because I loved his father.”

They were so close. Obi-Wan could ­hear Anakin’s breath. He could feel it tangle, warm and humid, in his whiskers. For one mad moment he thought he caught Anakin glancing down to his lips, and a bizarre pang of hope shot through his lungs.

He quietly corrected himself.

“Because I love his father.”

Ok but also something more lighthearted maybe? This exchange from Out of Place still brings me a lot of joy:

“Well that’s an odd name for a galaxy.”

Anakin scoffed back, mildly offended on the Milky Way’s behalf. “Well what’s yours called?”

“I…” The man’s brow furrowed. Adorably. “Well it doesn’t have a name. It’s always just been The Galaxy.”

“Huh.” This was getting absurd. “Seems a bit pretentious, don’t you think?”

“Well—”

“If you’re from another galaxy, care to tell me how you speak English?”

“Is that what you call it here?”

“Is that what we call what here?”

“Galactic basic.”

Anakin nearly rolled his eyes. Of course. “Uh, yeah. English is what we call it.”

“Huh. Well yes, I suppose that is a bit of a mystery, isn’t it?”

“So where is this…Galaxy of yours, exactly? How did you manage to find your way out of it?”

“Oh, far, far away, I imagine. I was on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan when something pulled me from hyperspace and… well, frankly I don’t recall much after that. Until I woke up and found myself careening toward your planet, that is.”

“Huh.”

“Huh, indeed. Now. What do I call you?”

“Um, an earthling?”

Obi-Wan smiled at that, teeth gleaming. “Your name.”

What’s something you’d like to create content for?

Nothing new, just my favorite two space monks!

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

Gardening. Obikin.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

winter (we had ONE lousy snow flurry, it lasted maybe 10 minutes)

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

Er, i don’t know? I can drive a stick shift? Do handstands? I have a serious knack for spotting four-leaf clovers? (They aren’t lucky, for the record.)

Are you religious?

Not so much, no. Science, nature, and art are my holy trinity :)

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

A week alone in a cabin in the woods

No pressure tags: @forcearama @temple-mistress @thetorontokid @mischievouschan4 @pathetic-lifeform @sopherfly @obikinetic and anyone else who wants to do it (but tag me if you do so I can read it!)

[tempfrangit]

Hey, friend, I'm a bit sorry to write this ask, but I did want to... I dunno, kind of settle what happened. Hi, I want to say off the bat that I'm rather new to Tumblr as a platform, and also not quite good at gleaming tone through written text (that's just my own social ineptitude, and frankly not anyone else's fault), so if that ask came off as rude, I do apologize. That being said, I'd like to (if you're willing to divulge) know where it came off that way? I revised the ask once, read it over, and I found it a very normal question to ask, being a writer myself, I didn't think I was putting pressure on a peer that way, and simonbrain (the blog's name) seemed to be entirely fine with the ask as a whole. I wasn't expecting the short teaser, and I adored it, but I was thinking more of an "it's in progress right now" sort of answer? You know? I've been following their page for a good time, and that piece of fic specifically caught my eye, and it was intended to be an entirely good-natured question on how it's coming along. If I've been fucking up how I do asks for the entire time I've been on Tumblr, I really would rather know (and again, if I'm fucking up this, and you want to tell me why, I would be happy to listen, because I'm still not used to the sort of unspoken rules here)

Thanks for reading, and I hope this is a matter that is amicably settled, because I do want my presence here to be something that makes days better for other people and I know that a lot of learning will be involved to do that :)

Honestly, thank you for reaching out, because I admit I can be very hissy when I view people as demanding things from content creators, and this has given me a very important perspective and reminder on how to act on a social media platform where I don't know people and should be assuming the best intentions.

With that said; Why did I read it as rude? Unfortunately the answer is because the "progress update" activates my kill switch, it reads as very rude to me in a presumptuous way that implies we have any say in anyone else's time. And here I will admit that is my own personal bias and I believe others aren't colored by this. But, for me because that's the only person I can be, when anyone asks for a progress update, it's kinda a kick, that implies that we aren't working as fast as we should be. Which can be a shitty way to feel.

I think any level of excitement for people's work is good, I think people generally like having their works thought highly of and waited on, because it's just something our brains can find joy in. And it's easy to bring small joys to people by enjoying their works.

TLDR: Unless you've commissioned someone, I personally find update asks very rude. (But that's me)

Now that I've typed all that, I will reiterate: I'm really glad you reached out, and gave me your side and understanding because I didn't see it that way and didn't know. I apologize for calling it rude, when you didn't mean it that way and I can now see you obliviously didn't mean to make anyone share their work preemptively. Every day I try to be better, and this will now be one of the things I have to remind myself of.

[gabbykobold]

I Want to Create Videos Again...

Hello, Kobold Friends. It’s been... an awfully long time since I’ve uploaded anything to my YouTube channel, or any other video platform for that matter... But now... now I find myself wanting to start again. But start again on what, exactly? That is something I’m still unsure about. I know over the years I’ve come back again and again... wanting to try something new, but eventually I just... give up before I produce anything worthwhile. And now... now I’m just here to say that I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I have the desire to create once more, but I can’t seem to break free of this slump... of this creator’s block.

I’ve tried all sorts of videos over the years. Memes, Garry’s Mod machinima, 3D animation, 2D animation, video essays, streaming... Looking back... I found the most enjoyment in the machinima and the animated shorts. They also seemed to generate the most engagement. And that’s really what this is all about right? Interacting with viewers. Audience participation. Hell, I think the most fun I’ve had working on any project was that Tumblr ask blog I did back in the day. Anybody remember those things?? Are those things even relevant anymore? And... well, I guess that leads me into my next apprehension.

YouTube is changing so much all the time. And not just YouTube as a platform, but the Internet as a whole. Society as a whole. The world changes fast. And frankly... it’s pretty hard to keep up with it all! It’s hard to keep up with what’s relevant. What will drive engagement. Now... I don’t care about getting a ton of views, but it is nice to not be completely invisible... Like I said, interacting with the community is the best part of content creation, and so I want to create the type of content which will ultimately lead to that. And that brings me back to my original dilemma... What SHOULD I create next?

I’ve... admittedly been down this thought process many times before. I’ve done many brainstorming sessions, made bullet lists, fiddled around in video editors... but I feel like I keep running into a wall. Perhaps... the answer really is to go back?

Go back... maybe not entirely, but take inspiration from the videos that I enjoyed most? Once again, those Garry’s Mod videos and animated shorts were a great joy to work on, and the people on YouTube seemed to really enjoy them, so perhaps the answer is in them? Perhaps Shorts are the answer? Maybe trying to do long form videos was my most fundamental mistake? In the past, my greatest joy and success in content creation came from telling bite-sized stories. And while platforms have changed, I feel like there will always be a place for short form storytelling.

Storytelling... perhaps that’s it? I just need to tell stories like I used to! Of course, nowadays short form videos fall into the realm of TikToks and YouTube Shorts... I may need to get accustomed to the vertical format... but perhaps that’d be worth it? If anybody’s still reading at this point, I would love to hear your feedback. Should I really go back? Should shorts be the focus of my content going forward? Were bite-sized stories my greatest strength over the years?

I certainly have a lot to think about, but I think I’ll wrap this up for now. I want to create again. I plan to create again. Maybe I’ll start by re-downloading Garry’s Mod? Maybe I’ll finally get around to toying with Blender’s animation tools? Perhaps both? Whatever I do, all I know is that I HAVE to start creating things again.

[future-crab]

re: this post's tags:

https://www.tumblr.com/future-crab/739627075423617024/thinking-about-the-time-my-dad-and-i-were-having-a

wh . what recent interview are you talking about?? (idk if u were joking or not </3)

Well off the bat I should clarify that ‘recent’ was a poor choice of words - sorry if I got your hopes up for new Gerard content, I just meant, like, in the last couple of years (if I remember correctly, it was post-post breakup, so sometime between 2019 and now)

And the thing about that interview is that I wasn’t making it up (at least not intentionally) but I also CANNOT for the life of me find it anywhere. It’s possible I dreamt this interview. It’s possible I’m misremembering. It’s also possible that the screenshots I remember seeing were just made up by someone on tumblr who was bored - who knows! But frankly, my stance has been that if I’m gonna believe misinformation, it may as well be misinformation that hurts no one and brings me joy, and the idea of someone having to say in an interview “No, I don’t believe I’m Joan of Arc” does in fact spark joy.

[church-of-lilith]

THANK YOU for bringing this up again. but also… the fact that we still have to write these posts is honestly so disappointing to me. i had hoped by now that the frankly extremely tone deaf theories about maggie being a villain or ‘not real’ would have ceased by now. but unfortunately i’m still logging onto both twitter and tumblr and seeing them pretty frequently. and I just don’t have the strength to deal with it anymore. i’m just blocking people on sight.

i didn’t go into this season expecting to find a deeper connection with maggie and immediately relating to her as an autistic woman was a pleasant surprise. however that joy of being seen was ripped away from me as soon as I logged online after watching s2. learning how inherently misogynistic and lesbophobic this fandom is at its core was an awful wake up call for me.

so now I just exist on my own little island over here on tumblr writing fic & developing theories and headcanons with the three other maggie/nina stans. if you would’ve told me pre s2 that this is where we’d be with the sapphic characters months later, i don’t think i would’ve believed you.

I hope it turns out that Maggie is "just" a human. I hope it turns out that there is absolutely nothing supernatural or occult or celestial or whatnot about her, fuck, I hope it turns out it's NINA instead.

Fuck, I'm trying very hard not to be frustrated and upset, but I am. I am because it's been over a month and people are still taking Maggie's clearly neurodivergent, and more specifically autistic, behaviour and twist it into "oh look no normal human is like this she's so creepy she must be a demon or an angel" like are you LISTENING to yourselves?

YES she talks differently sometimes, yes she's emotional, yes she did ONE FUCKING SPELLING MISTAKE while she was literally sobbing her eyes out. People are like that, you know. People that don't drink and that didn't go to parties and don't socialize well exist. I'm that person.

I had absolutely ZERO thoughts about Maggie being a celestial because to me, she isn't weird. There is nothing off about her. She's like me, I felt SEEN, I felt recognized and acknowledged.

The worst part is that people LOVE headcanoning Muriel or Aziraphale or Crowley as autistic but as soon as it's not something people can either infantilize or twist into something else, they hate it. Muriel gets praised for the same traits that have people calling Maggie a villain.

Can we stop doing that? Can we stop taking people who are weird or visibly disabled or different and shoving them into the non-human box? Do you have any idea how dehumanizing that is for people who are like those characters?

We had canonically non-binary characters this season that are human, so why, and please fucking tell me WHY, is it impossible in your minds to have disabled humans around? Why does anyone slightly weird have to be a supernatural being?

Just because Maggie's behaviour isn't played off as a joke? Because she is allowed to be a middle-aged, lesbian autistic woman? Because you cannot infantilize her like you can with Muriel?

Please tell me because I don't fucking know.

[elvearryn]

Hello little gay people in my phone

It seems a new year dawns on us once more

I have lived another year of my life, as has everyone who is now seeing this and will see it in days and weeks come to pass- perhaps even years (if anything on this earth - ball of rock and soil floating aimlessly in the vast expanse of void which we call the universe - survives that long. The sun could explode this coming morning)

I cannot say confidently that this passage of time brings me joy or an abundance of hope, yet nor can I say indefinitely that it has brought me great sorrow

That all aside, tumblr has seemed to remain the same hellish amalgamation of dearly loved blorbos stuck perpetually in the plinko

I would be wrong, quite definitely to call such a place an oasis, but who am I if not one who defies logic (my mother, Stella, would be proud) thus being, in nature, a safe haven away from the crushing reality of existence. While simultaneously inducing crises beyond what my mind can fathom I’m sure

I love tumblr, and all of you

Happy new year, my “moots” and please remember that your past mistakes do not define you in the present, and your future is of your own creation

@walking-meme @existential-dread-in-the-am @rebel-ramen @ranpoismyblorbo @the--concertmaster @thebgcharacter @the-unhinged-fanwing @im-in-love-w-the-way-u-hate-me @panic-at-the-gender @adultkiddo @akuutaguava @anermic @dramatic-and-damned @dancingastralwitch @fierreth-who @fyodor-the-whore @gay--briel @lastlenore @bungoustraypups @nevsky @shinunoga-iie-wa @sleepygirl-central @cosmo-cutie-1 @spookyraccoons @razumihyn @faux-ee @dreams-ofvoid @tinglyalloy @feisaru @death-and-the-lady13 @loverrr-girl @rirk-ke @gay--briel @countingsunflowerpetals @alexanderthepatrochillestrash @frankly-dear @flower-of-darkness @peachyonomatopoeia24 @chvs @chuuy-a @boombboi @sophiliated @nakaharaswife @ihavehyperfixationsanditshows @mephisto-arts @adam-bitcholtz

I swear to whatever god is out there that if I missed someone, I will crawl back into my coffin and will not rise from it

[leviiattacks]

teacher!levi and teacher!reader headcanons please 🥺

author note :: i expected for this to be better but idk,,, um, you know maybe it’s just me who wishes i executed it better but i wrote this at 3am that’s my excuse. ANYWAY I HOPE U ENJOY ANON :-))) i know it’s not headcanons but here!! also my ask box is always open to feel free to drop by !! 

word count :: 5.4k (after i had to severely cut the word count down because my tumblr wouldn’t let me post the longer version with more detail,,,,)

honestly you’ve never fit in well with the math teachers in particular but you’re still amicable with most

however, there’s one unbearable member of the group that happens to want to play jump rope with your patience constantly

and that person just so happens to be mr ackerman

every single staff meeting the both of you sit furthest away from each other whilst silently exchanging bitter glares

maybe it’s his stony disposition or his unrealistically harsh grading system that makes him seem so off putting to you.

or perhaps it’s your soft and gentle approach to teaching that drives him up a wall

but to make matters simple, the two of you have never got along. nearly everything he says you disagree with and nearly everything you say he has to rebuke.

every outlandish suggestion of his at meetings is met with firm disapproval from you and every time you bring up wanting to provide the children with more time for extracurricular activities he sneers in annoyance

today he’s proposing a plan to set exams as soon as possible

???

you wonder if he’s even thinking with his head attached to his neck because it’ll be impossible for the children to handle all of the content in the form of an exam paper so soon

the workload he’s been pushing onto his math class has become far too ridiculous for your liking and you want to put an end to the man’s reign of terror

it just so happens your classes are scheduled in the blocks next to each other meaning he always sees your students an hour before you do

it’s got to the point where your pupils trudge into english class completely EXHAUSTED

the other day a boy fainted because of lack of sleep and now mr ackerman has the audacity to put forward the exam dates???

“we need to instill these children with discipline. taking them by surprise will give them a much needed reality check.”

you groan at his speech and raise a hand

“may i interject?”

professor ackerman’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek the irritation is painted on his face but he nods although he seems reluctant

“these children do not need standardized exams to-”

“would you like for me to completely scrap exams from the curriculum?” without even allowing for you to present your argument he has to cut you off with a mocking grin

“levi, i think-”

“that's mr ackerman to you.”

his blunt correction has you rolling your eyes because YES!! you understand the two of you aren’t exactly the best of friends but he doesn’t even want to be on a first name basis with a colleague of two years??

his pettiness has your blood boiling in searing displeasure

“you have to stop going so hard on these children.”

he’s shuffling through some paperwork not even batting an eye in your direction.

“personally, we aren’t hard enough but of course the english teacher has trouble understanding that.”

the jab he makes at your job only causes the anger inside of you to bubble up again

why does teaching english have ANYTHING to do with this???

“you teach math yet you can’t calculate the reasoning behind your subpar love life. do not insult english.”

personal insults are your favourite to throw at him because he always gets so riled up

and actually for once you have the answer to a math question.

the reason why his love life is so uneventful has to be because of this :

his personality + his obnoxious humour + his looks = a good looking but undatable man

his jaw clenches and the grip he has on the stack of papers in his hands strengthens

ok,, that is kinda hot but that is not relevant at all

you’re able to make out miss ral one of the other math teachers make a move to speak and god you fight the urge to punch her every day because she’s always gushing about mr ackerman

seeing as you don’t want to punch her or anyone for that matter you turn to give her a “if you speak right now i swear to god i will lose my shit” look

she gets the memo incredibly quickly because her mouth closes shut immediately

mr ackerman takes a sip out of the cup of black tea next to him. “i would appreciate if you just sat back and let me do what’s best.”

“children fainting in my lesson is not what’s best.” your rebuttal catches him off guard and he seems more than a little surprised

“wait- fainted??”

you eyes flick over to mr zacharias, you had told him to pass the message on but the way he’s sheepishly looking at the floor avoiding your eyes clearly tells you all you have to know

“looks like someone forgot to pass the message onto you but the other day falco fainted in english.”

“is he- is he okay?? did he say why?”

eyebrows raising you’re quite surprised to see any sort of reaction from him let alone concern

“he stayed up all night completing your homework.”

lips pressing together into a fine line it almost looks as if he’s guilty

“i’ll talk to him about it later.” his voice is back to its usually plain tone and any trace of his previous worry has been masked.

an awkward silence follows. he coughs choosing to not continue the discussion about exams.

principal smith takes the hint and moves on to discuss planned school trips

HOORAH victory!!!

yet another day where you’ve saved your students

“who is fallacy and why are they pathetic?” a few snorts and giggles are heard around the class and you force yourself to laugh at falco's miserable attempt at a joke

you’ve noticed falco’s been cracking more jokes around his new seat mate gabi.

she’s small but feisty always willing to debate and she’s really a joy to teach although she can get a little bit aggressive with the others at times

honestly it’s quite obvious that falco has a fat crush on her. well, actually it’s been obvious from the moment she step foot into your class

and... you couldn’t just ignore the way falco looked at her could you?? and there was an empty space next to him too sooooo, what harm would there be in placing the two together?

it seems as if your attempt at getting the both of them to talk has worked. gabi and falco compete desperately for the top position in the class and are two of the best students you’ve had in a while

also after the day falco fainted in class gabi has been noticeably nicer. things like asking if he’s drank water or how much he’s slept

you have a small inkling that she may like him back

and the budding romance is adorable to you because you too once had childhood crushes

it feels rather nostalgic to see the two interact

but today you notice the two aren’t in

in fact, you notice half of the class isn’t?

“where are the others?” your question sends a jolt through one of your present students but he stays silent choosing to pretend to clean his glasses as a distraction

crossing your arms over your chest you walk over towards his desk

“udo, you can tell me what it is.”

“professor ackerman said not to tell.” udo looks petrified and you’re just kinda wondering what in the hell is going on

lucky for you his resolve is thin and he quickly cracks under pressure

“okay. you can’t say i told.”

nodding in agreement he looks around making sure no one else hears what exactly it is he’s about to disclose

“he’s kept some people back to talk to them about something top secret. i don’t know what but he asked for the students who like you.”

at that you feel a little bitter because if he asked for the student who liked you why on earth is half the class still here??

but oh well, you guess you can’t please them all

“oh no, no, no. you’ve got it wrong. we all wanted to stay but he didn’t let us.”

udo looks genuine so you let it slide

either way it doesn’t really matter as long as the majority prefer you over that sick and twisted math teacher you’re alright

“he does know he’s cut into my class time right?”

“falco told him that and he whispered something about how you’re bothersome.”

you???? bothersome???

WHEN HE’S THE ONE BOTHERING EVERYONE?/!:£:!/)

you don’t even look back as you walk out frankly furious at what’s happened

english is important

ACTUALLY!!!

ENGLISH > MATH

you will stand by that till the day you die

your knuckle meets with the wooden surface of your sworn enemy’s classroom door and almost automatically you’re able to hear the shuffle of chairs and padding of numerous footsteps approach

the door swings open and you step aside to allow your missing students to pass through

they look nervous but one look at your reassuring smile lets them ease up and relax

“well.” a voice behind you snaps “look who paid me a visit.”

“we’re talking about this later.”

you try your best to sound serious but you don’t know if you pull it off as well as he does because he just ends up giving you a disappointed sort of look

“y/n. stick to being the good cop it suits you better.”

“we are not on first name basis. you said it yourself.” is your narrowed comeback

finally turning to face him you’re surprised when your eyes travel to the triangle of space behind him and you’re able to get a peek of what looks to be a list of books on his whiteboard

pride and prejudice

wuthering heights

jane eyre

ville-

before you’re able to read the rest he moves in front of your line of vision

he’s got quite the selection but,, when did he of all the people on this planet start showing any interest in literature?

“the books on the board what’s that about?”

your inquiry flies over his head and he shuts the door behind him completely

his face doesn’t move and if it does it only shows the slightest hint of confusion

“what books are you talking about?” he replies and don’t know why your knees feel a little weak when he looks you straight in the eyes

snap.

out.

of.

it.

“i saw books on the board.”

“you saw wrong.” he barks back and he’s getting agitated now

maybe you did imagine it...

and you have to get back to teach your class so okay fair enough you’ll let it go because you do know you have a habit of daydreaming randomly

however that doesn’t stop you from giving him another skeptical look before you leave because there is NO WAY you imagined it, but it is you and it really could be a possibility

the click clack of your heels against the floor sound out as you remove yourself from the conversation

you assume he’s returned to his classroom

that’s why it catches you by surprise when you hear a hesitant voice behind you

“there were no books on the board.”

you don’t know why he has to tell you that again because it only makes himself look all the more suspicious

“but if they were a list of book recommendations then what would you recommend i read?”

the question is peculiar coming from him

are you in an alternate universe?

is this a dream?

are you talking to a clone?

a robot?

because this can NOT be the same man you’ve been working with for two years

maybe he’s having a change of heart?

but that sounds unlikely

maybe he’s planning to read the book and somehow with that big brain of his formulate a calculation to score it a measly two out of ten

yeah. that sounds more likely.

nevertheless, you still want to give him a recommendation, maybe he’ll find out he’s into books this way

“you should totally check out pride and prejudice :-)”

for once you’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know what to do because the change is sudden but he doesn’t say a word after that

instead he retreats into his classroom

god.

now you’re sure he’s just asked to form a stupid calculation or whatever the hell it is math teachers do.

“he likes you.” hange has a shit eating grin on their face and you can’t help but narrow your eyes and sigh in exasperation

no he does not like you but you don’t try to correct hange because you know they’re firm in their stupid belief

“would you ever date him?” hange fiddles with the last of their potato salad absentmindedly waiting on your reply

the question literally has you choking on your lunch

“i would rather fight for survival in the wilderness. thank you for asking.”

“oh come on... he’s got a thing for you. you read romance novels all the time you should be able to tell he does.”

“yeah and that thing he has for me is wanting to shove my head onto a pitchfork. you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.” shoving a piece of pasta into your mouth you sigh dreamily at the taste. it serves as a momentary distraction

you get one lunch break and you are not!!!! in the mood to talk about him whilst you’re on that break

he’s attractive

and you have to admit he looks handsome in his crisp white button up and pristine black suit AND his cologne is really...

okay, you are digressing from the point

none of what you just said means anything!!!

at surface level he seems like a catch but it’s what’s on the inside that matters and he said he finds english stupid

that’s more than enough of a reason to dislike the guy?

he thinks stuff like the pythagorean theorem and y = mx+c are entertaining

y = mx+c ??? over literature???

you read books to teach and you read books for your own enjoyment

it would be a complete travesty if you had a crush on a book hater

and levi ackerman most certainly can be classed as a book hater.

a pessimistic book hater if the specifics are needed

“OH! SORRY Y/N GOTTA BLAST MOB’S OVER THERE!!!!!”

you don’t even get the chance to say goodbye because hange makes an eager run towards moblit

hange and moblit are inseparable, both are the shared heads of the science department and since he’s been off on sick leave recently you understand why hange’s rushed off to greet him

you wish you had a teacher friend like that but the sad truth is you’re pretty much a lone wolf. the other english teachers are wrinkly old pickles and talk about antiques or quiz shows :-(

“this seat free?”

no way.

it’s not him

it can't be

what does he even want??

“um, well yeah it is free b-.”

“good.” he takes the seat without you even inviting him and now you’re stuck in an awkward situation you didn’t even expect to be in today

you're about to burst into tears because is it too much to ask for a peaceful lunch period???

mr ackerman clears his throat and places a book in the center of the table. “pride and prejudice although not my cup of tea was... mildly enjoyable.”

wait...

is this him...

admitting defeat!??

HELLLOOOOO

you are over the moon right now because you know he really had to have enjoyed it a lot and is simply choosing to withhold that information for his own reputation

“i’m happy to hear you took a liking to it.” you’re munching away at your pasta a little more upbeat now

“okay but the start of the book assuming all single men want a wife? no, all i want is a good night’s rest for once. also mrs bennet needs to calm down, elizabeth can marry who the hell she wa-”

“someone’s a little passionate aren’t they?” you giggle into your glass of water and you catch mr ackerman frowning

“i liked it okay.”

“i thought you said it was only mildly enjoyable just now?” grinning and looking at him through your lashes his cheeks become red

you guess he’s angry or something but that’s the usual with him

“yeah, whatever. i just wanted to play fair and apologise.”

“apologise?” oh wow, now your interest has really peaked because never in the past two years has he apologised to ANYONE

not even principal smith for the one time he flipped out and nearly cursed at a mouthy student at parent's evening

grimacing a little before he does it he finally speaks again.

“english is important. i’m sorry.”

your lips tug up into a bright smile

well???

this is a great interaction??

an apology coming out of levi ackerman of all people

“apology accepted! i’m glad to know you liked the book but now that we’re a tad bit friendlier with each other i wanted to ask for a favour.” your eyes gleam and he swears he can see specks of shining stars in them

“...okay, it depends.”

he’s warming up to you so he considers it

“please don’t cut into my lesson time levi.” his name slips out of your mouth but it’s so natural you don’t even care to correct yourself

“i’m sorry about that too y/n.” your name now ventures out of his mouth too as it tests the waters

wordlessly the two of you agree to first name basis

BUT more important matters are at hand such as how he’s issued you yet another apology?

this is satire surely

because why is he so willing all of a sudden...?

well, that's the power of pride and prejudice, wow you’re really thanking the heavens for blessing this world with jane austen’s existence

jane austen. a woman capable of remarkable things, she's even managed to make an unmoving book hater somehow become a lover

poking at your tuna pasta you and levi are now quiet.

“soooooo, any opinions on mr wickham?” you ask the question hoping to initiate a longer conversation than before

and luckily for you your attempt works

SUCCESS!!

levi pinches the bridge of his nose and the creases on his forehead show he clearly isn't particularly fond of wickham

“don’t get me started he’s so indescribably annoying?”

ok, ok, ok

you don’t even know how it happens but you and levi really hit it off

weeks have passed and you and him have even become lunch buddies

it was so shocking to moblit at first that he dropped his lunch on the floor when he saw you and levi enthusiastically exchanging words

then again, two mr wickham haters are bound to get along

you’re seriously wondering how the two of you ever survived as mortal enemies

yeah, you still disagree a lot but you’re getting there!!

sometimes he helps you out when your computer stops running and in exchange you’re willing to offer him book recommendations

he swears he doesn't want any recommendations from you but you know he enjoys it

yesterday he got microsoft excel out and showed you how useful it really was and you went :O because you never really understood the need for it at all

you’re a little bit of a granny when it comes to tech...

and just today at lunch you recommended he checks some plays out but his nose wrinkled at the mention of shakespeare so the both of you went through a long list of dramas and eventually you were able to interest him in j.b. priestely's an inspector calls

another victory for you!!

anyway, right now the two of you are sitting inside of the staff room seeing as it's that time of the month again.

time for the monthly staff meeting

it's the first one you've had since you and levi became friends and you're worried the both of you will be back at it butting heads

wait, are you friends?

well, you wouldn't mind if that were the case but to be honest you would like to be a little bit more than friends mayb-

no!!! no!!! no!!! stupid thought!!! you retract that statement immediately

no you do not want to be more than friends with levi ackerman, yes he's lovely to a degree but you are not going to elaborate on why it's a terrible idea to fancy him

okay wait, let's elaborate for the sake of elaborating

he's surprisingly charming and wittier than you thought he would be. the fun conversations are making your days now and to be honest it is nice to have someone to spend lunch with (hange usually skips out on lunch all together to tinker in the science labs and set up experiments)

wait... weren't you suppose to explain why you don't want to get with him?

you're an idiot and you don't notice how dumb you really are until everyone just kinda gawks at the both of you because it's so odd seeing you in the same room let alone within a three feet radius of each other.

fuck, you completely forgot you and levi sat at opposite ends of the room

principal smith enters and even he looks visibly shocked at the change in seats but he doesn't mention it and you're grateful he doesn't because you didn't purposefully sit here it just happened on accident

erwin turns in your direction and smiles

"would you like to start off with your proposition for extracurriculars?"

nodding your head you begin passionately.

"well, i'd like to say i don't think we offer the children enough. we have spare funding so why not open another club? cooking perhaps? i understand many of you may not understand the importance of teaching them how to cook but-"

"do you have an obsession for setting these children up for failure?" tensing up you notice it's levi who's spoke and he doesn't sound remotely happy

blinking once and then twice he realizes his tone isn't the best and he mutters an apology "sorry, go ahead i'll add in when you're done."

whispers travel through the room straight away

"did he just say sorry?"

"actually why are those two sitting together?"

"do you think they're you know...?"

miss ral who's sat a little further away is the next person to disagree with you

"i understand the intention but would it not be better to let them have extra math lessons?"

"oh, so you can get a pay rise?" the comeback you make is aggressive and dripping in displeasure

she sits up face burning up

"no- no- absolutely not i take pleasure in teaching all of my classes." flustered and trying to hide her nerves she takes a sip out of her water bottle

you want to pour all of the water out onto that ginger hair of hers

the reason why her interjection is getting on your nerves is due to the fact you overheard her and another one of the math teachers plan to bring this specific point up

and you are well aware that her reasoning behind it has nothing to do with the children

she couldn't care less about them

"do not make me repeat what you and mr bozado were chit chatting about earlier today."

the threat is enough to silence her and just when you think you've handled the situation levi has to give his input

"let's ignore petra's motivations and talk about how teaching these kids how to cook means nothing if they have no tradable skills to offer in the real world." levi's not looking at you. he's either too annoyed or too preoccupied with his thought process

at that moment you feel naive, you thought maybe he would try to understand your opinion seeing as he's been spending so much time with you as of recent but that looks to not be the case

murmurs of agreement fill the room at his statement and you feel pathetic

it's practically the entire room against you now

genuinely how is it these people can manage to be such spoiled sports about everything?

"recently, i asked all of my classes to write an essay about school stress. maybe you won't understand my views because you haven't read their pieces but they need a fucking break." the expletive flies out of your mouth without warning and you flush in embarrassment

that

was

not

professional.

"oh god, i'm sorry i got worked up i shouldn't hav-" fumbling over all of your words you feel even more mortified

the principal raises his hand signalling you stop and you clamp your mouth shut. you're in huge trouble that's for sure

but,,, in spite of the clear difference in opinion between you and the other teachers, soft and well spoken principal smith says the unthinkable

"i have the final say and i believe you are coming from a good place after reading your student's work. how would you feel about running the new cooking club?"

scanning his face for a second you can tell his question is legitimate and the wave of relief that washes over you has never felt better than ever

sighing contently you agree and as the topic of conversation shifts to something else entirely you sense your heart rate picking up

you feel like you're back to square one with levi.

it's yet another day where you’ve saved your students and you should be feeling overjoyed but if anything you feel a little deflated

you wish he would have come around and understood but you can't teach and old dog new tricks

again, the feeling of disappointment wears you down

two weeks have passed since then and your favourite time of year has come. it’s spring term meaning MACBETH

the english curriculum includes plays and it just so happens that today is your first lesson covering shakespeare

and you LOVE shakespeare

something about all the intricate foreshadowing always has you excited

but some children are missing

and it’s way too many to blame on sickness

so you wait for a few minutes but it's consistently radio silent

the last time this happened the culprit had been levi and he promised to never cut into your lesson time

but you could count on him to break his promise after the fiasco that was the monthly meeting

is he back to hating you and hating literature?

well, that's his loss if that's the case!! and no!! you will not upset yourself over the loss of the budding friendship

sighing you get to your feet making a beeline to the door but gabi and falco rush to stop you

awkward chuckles activated they wave their hands to get your attention “OH NO, they’ll only be five minutes!!” their sentence comes out as one big blur of words but you manage to understand them

now you’re doubtful because you know falco and gabi would usually ignore you and allow you to walk out

giving them a knowing glance the pair look between each other

their eyes are clearly communicating and asking if it’s alright to tell you

“i promise i won’t be mad.” you sigh

perhaps if you reassure them they’ll be more likely to spill the beans

“it’s not that you... i don't know. you might be upset.” gabi isn't one to care much for other's feelings so you're slightly anxious even though you shouldn't be

but you’re a tough nut to crack. so, absolutely not. you are not going to upset yourself over whatever it is

“i won’t be hurt. i’ve suffered through reading some of the most emotional classics to ever exist.” hitting your chest with your fist you wince a little because you hit yourself a little too hard

falco’s seems to be too shy to come out with it so gabi takes the lead as she normally does

“some students were talking badly about you so mr ackerman kept them behind to have a talk.”

oh.

yeah, actually you are a teeny weeny bit disheartened because you think you’re nice to all of your pupils but it’s nothing too bad, not everyone will like you

“if that’s all i’ll go get them. thank you for letting me know.” giving them two thumbs up you leave the class immediately

levi is probably scolding them to hell and back

not because he cares for you but because he hates disrespect in general

as you’re nearing the open door of his classroom you hear something you never thought would emerge from levi’s room

“final question. why does mr darcy say he doesn’t want to dance with elizabeth at first?” oh yeah, that’s levi’s voice for sure

an english question?

is he quizzing them on pride and prejudice?

you wait hoping your students don't fail you and are able to provide the correct answer.

“ummm... she’s not pretty enough!!”

levi hums “you answered all five questions right. do you all know why?”

you can’t see the children’s faces but they have to be confused if there’s no immediate response

he grunts in agitation “because your english teacher works hard to teach you every single day. have some respect because that teacher of yours is one in a million.”

taking your bottom lip in between your teeth you fight the urge to smile

“do you know how at every single staff meeting there’s only ever one teacher fighting for you all and what you want. i can assure you that teacher isn’t me, but i believe you can all guess who i'm talking about.”

your heart does a back flip in your chest and you feel jittery but in that really fuzzy good way

like that super duper fuzzy and hazy good way

he’s really very sweet for saying all of this and you're now smiling like an idiot

one pupil takes a chance to make amends “we’re sorry mr ackerman.”

but before levi can give them a response you clap your hands together and walk in unannounced 

“apology accepted, now if you want to all be forgiven forever please return to class and answer the questions on the board!” directing them to the door with your hands you make sure they're conscious fo the fact you aren't mad at them

still, never have you seen them so eager to run off to analyze macbeth. you guess levi's deathly stare is the cause for it

holding back a laugh you clear your throat after the last student leaves

“thank you levi :-)”

it’s quiet for a second and you think to ask him about what has been gnawing at your mind

“you didn’t have to do that. you disagreed with me before so... why did you?”

“i say this at every meeting and you never listen but children need to be disciplined.” his unchangeable tone is unwelcoming

again it’s awkwardly silent and you sorta regret even coming over to see what was going on because now you and levi are just having an uncomfortable staring contest

then he scratches the back of his neck and heaves a heavy breath

“it may also be because i really fucking like you, but i look like an idiot saying that when we’ve been at each other's necks for two years.”

oh.

the sudden and brutally honest confession has the wind knocked out of you, you’re stunned

and then you get hit by it too. the realization hits you like rain hits umbrellas on stormy days. you like him too.

you like him for his witty sense of humour, his pure honesty and his hatred for mr wickham only serves as a bonus

yes, you have your differences. many of them. but you like him

he’s no longer a book hater and so by default you can fancy him. he goes against none of your guidelines essentially

you like him, he likes you back?’//’.;

[SCREAMS]

“well, what do you say? will you be this mr darcy's elizabeth bennet?” hearing the cheesy pickup line from him of all people has the butterflies in your stomach exploding in delight 

“you sound weird, where's the grumpy math teacher from before?" now you and him are simply shamelessly flirting but HEY!! you have no complaints at all

he scoffs at your sarcastic question

"do you want the equation for a two dimensional heart on a graph beca-"

"can i just kiss you?"

wOWIE are you being bold today y/n???

thankfully you don't have to wait for his answer. levi’s right hand pulls your face in and he slams his lips against yours. he gives your waist a squeeze and you hold him tighter by the neck in response. he has a way of somehow making it all feel gentle and relaxed in the same breath

and... you know what? maybe you should have recommended pride and prejudice to him earlier

but oh well.

what matters the most right now is that you're kissing your mr darcy!!

and he’s kissing his elizabeth bennet

:-)