#i miss daniel vividly and i think people are moving on

[adimouze]

.

[youngeditor1999]

HELL YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!

I absoutley screeched when Gio showed up in 4x18!! I loved how Betty flashed him and that's how they were reunited after at least a year and a half (being as prior to that, the last time we saw Gio was 3x2. Maybe 3x3...) 😂😝

Also, when they were on their walk together towards the end of that episode, he made an intresting comment about how even back when they were a thing, he could always sense that Betty's heart belonged to someone else. Becasue of what else had been going on at the time, I think that a lot of people thought that he was referring to Henry, but upon further reflection, I fully believe that he was actually talking about Daniel, even if Betty and the audience didn't realize it!!

The other reason why I love Gio so g.d. much is because he pushed Betty out of her comfort zone and challenged her to try new things/reclaim a part of herself that had been missing for a long time. The very first episode he was in, he and Betty had that whole conversation about her working on her writing and it was partially becasue of his encouragement that she actually signed up for that creative writing class!! (By the way, he mean professor's "You're up, crappy!" still make me howl with laughter to this day. I know that it's bad that he called Betty crappy, but it's funny because while it seems a little unrealistic, it also makes perfect sense that a rude professor would for real say that to a poor student.)

Moving on, I know exactly what you mean about how the show stuck to it's telenovla orgins while also still making everything have a very "Hey, that could happen to me!" feel to it. All of the things that everybody went through was for sure dramatic, but take away the dramaticness of it all and you're left with true and real situations. Examples: When Ignacio had to go back to Mexico, when the Meade's were adjusting to Alexis and what that all meant, when Santos died, when Amanda was searching for her father, when Mark's mom visited him...so many storylines throughout the seasons that had dramatic elements but as you said, still also felt really grounded.

Ok, and so now to jump to the Captain of the Detty Ship:

Claire was the number one shipper even before those iconic season 4 moments!!! The thing that sticks out to me the most when it comes to this aspect is from "Tornado Girl" when Betty had to hire a sky writer to get Daniel's attention. He had just come back after meeting Molly for the first time and told his mom that he was thinking about a girl. I can't remember what Claire exactly said, but she mentioned something about, "Is it Betty?" And of couse Daniel was confused a.f. before Betty's skywriting bit was revealed. Like, ok, it's clear that Claire was probably only talking about the skywriting, as she had seen it before he had, but the fact that she asked in the first place if he was thinking about Betty...!! Oh, my heart. 💓

Also, while we're on the topic of "Tornado Girl"...that episode is SO IMPORTANT in understanding just how much Daniel cares for and respects Betty. He 'fessed up and told everyone about what he had done to save Betty from public humilation. And the way he made sure to catch her eye through the crowd so that he could mouth "I'm sorry"?!?!? Daniel, please. Make it less obvious that you totally heart Betty. 🥺😭🤧😍💞

Alright, next topic:

I forgot to say this in my original response, but I have read that article before!!!! It had been a hot minute, but I definetly remember it!!!!!! I vividly recall reading it for the first time in high school on my school-issued iPad when I was supposed to be paying attention to whatever class I was in 😂😎✌🏻💖

It was amazing to re-read though and I just love how much effort was put into it. (:

And as for that video...!!

That I had never seen before 😳😵🥴

I thought that I had seen every UB edit out there, but apperantly not!!

Anyway, it was an amazing video; I can see why it's your favorite!!!!!!! Everything about it was so good and really well put together. It made me cry and have lots of feelings and wow, I just loved it so freakin' much!!!!!!!!!

Last but not least, I always rewatch random episodes whenever I feel like it and once a year do a total episode-by-episode, in order rewatch.

That being said, while every season and episode has funny moments, some of the most best ones happened in season 2. I just rewatched the one where it's Gio's first episode and Betty has to get the fancy wheelchair for Daniel, not yet knowing that he's being a big faker. The part where she says, "I don't know" when Daniel asks her how to stop and then how she just let's Daniel run into the table is comedy gold!!!

Also from that same episode: When Betty tilted her chair back to get a snack from the refreshment table behind her and everything fell over. 😂 Marc's loud whisper of "Don't worry, no one noticed." was the perfect cherry on top!!

And!! How can we forget the way that Wilhelmina pounded on Bradford's chest while screaming, "Don't you DARE DIE!!!" 😂 That's a little dark, I know, but it's also so totally her and I'm glad that the writers did that!!

More funny moments that were not in season two but I really enjoy are:

1). When Betty stayed up all night to create her YETI magazine and then visited Daniel at his hotel the next day. She was telling him about all of the coffee she had had plus an enegry drink called Viper Strike. "The drink that bites back!" The way Daniel half playfully mocked her by saying "I don't think that you came over here to talk about Viper Strike." is still so very hilarous to me, especially because Eric used his stuffy/sick voice, so it sounded hella funny.

2). When Betty won the Blobby and got super loud and excited after just telling Marc that she doesn't carry on in loud manners. The GIF you picked of him screaming is everything!! Of course I know that he only did that because of what Betty had done earlier in the episode, but it's still funny to me, especailly becasue of Wilhelmina's "This is not The Price is Right." comment. 😅

Anyway...!!!!!!!!

I know that I didn't have to respond again, but I wanted to because I still just have so many thoughts about this amazing show. It was important to me that I shared them with you (and the rest of our followers lmao). 🤗

I JUST NOW NOTICED THAT ONE OF THE GIFS IN YOUR HEADER IS OF BETTY SUAREZ FROM THE FINAL SCENE OF UGLY BETTY!!!!!!!!!! *insert screaming cat and Kermit heart images here*

Betty is so special and important to me!! She's one of my most favorite characters ever and I love how 13 years after the series finale, she hasn't been forgotten about. 🥺🥹😭🤧💗💓💞

OMG! It makes my heart so happy to hear that you are also an Ugly Betty fan! What are some of your favorite episodes/moments? 👀

I adore Betty Suarez & Co. I do a series rewatch every year, it’s my favorite comfort show. It was canceled prematurely, and I'm still waiting for my Ugly Betty reunion movie.

I've been a huge fan of America Ferrera since "Real Women Have Curves," but Betty Suarez is my ultimate favorite of her roles. Like you, Betty is just so special to me. I'm always telling people to watch the show (many mutuals on Tumblr will attest to this 😂). I talk about the show so much you'd think it was still airing. I started a new job five months ago, and just last week, I was having lunch with one of my new colleagues, and she saw my Ugly Betty Pop figure on my desk (I commissioned it, and it's one of the best gifts I've ever given myself tbh). When she saw it, we spent half of our lunch discussing our favorite scenes. Ugly Betty is essentially my friendship litmus test lol.

Betty is my favorite fictional character of all time, no contest. But I also want to shout out the ensemble because WOW. The entire cast was incredible and hilarious. The show was a true dramedy; I was often in tears, either from laughter or an emotional storyline. Judith Light AND Vanessa Williams? ICONS. Michael Urie and Becki Newton? What a DYNAMIC DUO. Ana Ortiz and Mark Indelicato? PERFECTION. Eric Mabius? The TALENT. Daniel could have easily been such a vacuous character, but Eric gave him a depth that surprised me. Plus, his chemistry with America?? EPIC. I loved Betty and Daniel so much (shout out to the bridge scene in 1x13!).

I often wonder how unhinged I would have been if Tumblr had existed when the show was airing. My enthusiasm over your ask indicates that I would have been absolutely bonkers and loved every minute of it. 😆

If you're interested, this is my favorite Detty fanvid edit and my favorite Detty article. I loved their friendship through season 3 and didn't ship them romantically until about season 4. While watching the ATX reunion panel in 2016, I realized that Eric was also Team Detty, and I so wish we could have seen what happened next!

Anywho, I've rambled enough lol. Thank you so much for giving me a reason to shout about my all-time favorite character/show!! 😁💜

[enha-woodzies]

➸ CHAPTER 6 | " AT LONG LAST PT. 1 "

starring: enhypen ft. i-land daniel

pairing: jungwon x fem!reader x sunghoon

genres: royal au, romance, angst, slowburn, 18th century setting

word count: 2.5k

taglist: @serendipitysung (betareader) @angeljungwon @en-sun @affectionaterainoflove @renkiv @softforjungwoo @jislix @fluffi @gyeraniee @stxrryemxlys

[ PREV. CHAPTER ] | [ M. LIST ] | [ NEXT CHAPTER ]

To be promenaded in front of the entire ton is one of every lady’s desires. From the piercing stares of the envious, to the love-struck looks of those smitten by the pair, the two most-loved couple of this season gracefully saunters from the cemented pathway and down to the grassy lawn, ever so politely greeting Northumberland with their warmest and charming presence.

The young marquess joins the young miss’ family under the canopy near the lake. With a hand draping over Sunghoon’s arm, Lord Niki mutters swears to the gods for lightning to strike upon the chap, as the gagging sight of his sister along with his most despised douche is gradually sucking the life out of him.

“Good morning!” Sunghoon greets the family and so did Lady Park. Jay gives away a polite nod followed by a toast of the teacup, whereas the almost always brooding Niki responds with an exaggerated rolling of his eyes.

“Your Grace. Always the charmer, aren't we?” Niki jeers to which Jay chokes on his warm, jasmine tea.

“The smoothest at being one, Riki.” The name rolls naturally off his tongue like a snake’s hiss that roused Niki’s ire. The boy could feel the crescendo of his spite, yet he eases it casually with a sly smirk.

“Smooth like a snake, perhaps? I anticipate those fangs in action.” Niki surprisingly snaps back. Jay clears his throat as he whispers to Niki in hopes to prevent him from further fumes, although he knows it would be of no use.

Sunghoon scoffs in return, “need I remind you that I shall deliver if provoked. However tempting that may be right now, I regret to inform you that I’m only here to promenade your sister and impress your dear mother.”

“I do hope she turns you down in the most painful way possible, Your Grace. I find my sister's taste in men quite genteel. Surely, you're aware of how opposed you are to that considering your…” Niki walks closer to the marquess to give an exclusive barb against his ear, “nasty record.” He brushes off imaginary dust off Sunghoon’s shoulder before bumping against it, “Good day to you two!”

“Oh dear, your brother is making me worried. Is he alright?” Lady Park whispers to Jay and the gent soothes their mother by softly massaging her hands, rubbing circles on the back of her palm, “he's just going through puberty, mother.”

“Is that so? I don't remember you having those episodes before. Furthermore, I apologize, Your Grace. Rest assured it won't happen again. I will definitely see to it.”

“No worries entirely. It's Niki after all, he may be a tough handful but as far as I recall he's completely-”

“Held back? Are those the words you were going for?” Jay cuts off. 

“You're quite forgetting the fact that I’m right here.” Y/n attempts to intrude only to be silenced by her brother once again. With his head held high, Jay saunters up to Sunghoon, who is almost the same height as him. Locking eyes with the chap, he simpers, “come, Your Grace, I require a brief moment with you. Excuse us for a bit, sis.”

And with that, the men left the canopy, leaving Y/n and her mother utterly baffled with the uncalled tension.

The sound of paper being folded into an almost crumple echoes around the parlour, where the only sound that existed prior was deafening silence from the three men sitting across each other.

The culprit was none other than Yang Jungwon, who appears to be insulted from what he just read. Throwing off the now crumpled paper, Daniel perfectly catches it mid-air and opens it in haste.

Sunoo takes a gander at the Daily Tattle’s contents that Daniel incoherently mutters. Jungwon carefully studies his brother's reaction as Sunoo’s smile quickly transforms into shock, followed by the furrowing of his eyebrows with his mouth ajar; the final gesture, shooting a questioning look-- with his mouth still ajar-- at one of the scandal’s subjects.

“Surely, me asking two dances from you was already too cheap but, one, brother? Are you seriously being expensive right now?" The eldest exclaims.

"One that is very exclusive and controversial, might I add." Daniel chimes in. “What was all that about?"

"Remind me why I need to explain myself to the both of you?" Jungwon monotonously replies with his eyes fixed on the book he was now reading.

“Because we ought to know?”

“Well, if not to us, at least to Y/n?"

“Good god. Why is she in this conversation all of a sudden?"

"Because you pulled a dick move on her and we ought to know what's going on inside that brain of yours! You're so dense. Must we shake you up to shrug off those lil rust in there?"

"Oh, shut up, Daniel."

“That thing you did there? With her? Was very unlikely of you, Jungwon." Sunoo stands from his seat and transfers to Jungwon’s side on the couch.

"Well, what is like me then?"

"Spit it out or Daniel and I are gonna have to annoy you for the whole week.”

Jungwon slams the book on the couch and lets out an exasperated sigh before grunting out loud. "I just wanted to be alone with her, okay?! Are you pleased now?"

"Wait. You like her, don't you?”

“No, I don't! And I would never for heaven's sake."

“But you want to be alone with her. Isn't that what people do when they're in love?" Daniel rubs his chin in thought.

“Oh, god! Whatever lets the both of you sleep at night then. Assume the worst for all I care." The heated gent lifts himself up from the couch and strides towards the exit.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from the two of you. You won't stop annoying me either way, so I’m gonna get myself some cleaner air.” Jungwon slams the door shut behind him for a relieving walk to the woods.

“Now he's mad.”

“All we ever said was the truth, didn't we?”

“He is pretty rusty, alright.”

Y/n visits the Kielder Forest once again to run away from the stressful men of this morning’s promenade. She could've stayed in her fortress, but because of their foolish ruse, she had to show up. Now her brothers had to meddle with the already confusing mess.

Pages from the borrowed Austen book are now being flicked through again. She couldn't concentrate no matter how hard she tried, as Niki’s words still lingered in her mind.

“What nasty record could he have?” She mutters under her breath. Soon after, crunching of leaves startles her, and she realizes her whispers weren't the only noise around. Y/n dashes out of her sheer fort only to be welcomed by her most coveted man ever.

"What are you doing here?!" Jungwon asks in an angry kind of worry.

"What are you doing here?"

"Taking a walk, obviously?"

"Well, I’m reading. Obviously." Y/n sassily blinks at him, to which he returns a slightly puzzled look.

"You're much aware that you shouldn't be here, let alone unchaperoned, right?"

"Well, good thing you're here!"

Y/n crouches down to re enter her fort now that she has a guest. She softly taps the extra pillow, gesturing Jungwon to join her in a momentary bliss. One that is very rare when it comes to the both of them, and something that the young miss has found herself accustomed to now. When it comes to Jungwon, he'll just leave her begging for more.

Was it simply luck that had caused him to turn down this pathway? Whatever it was, he didn't feel the need to complain. As of now, all he ever wanted was a piece of mind from his brother's interrogations about him and Y/n. Not fully realizing that the very person who triggered him to rush out of his house would be the one he was impossibly hoping to run into.

"You still have that?" Jungwon points his lips to the book she was flipping. She had borrowed it from him and had yet to return it after all these years.

"Are the inclusions still there?" He continues. Although he wishes he didn't. He recalls all the little notes he left on his favorite pages just to get his feelings across and now he chuckles at the mere thought of him playing Romeo.

"They are. They're kind of tattered now, but they're still comprehensible. You do have a remarkable penmanship after all, something that's very impossible to miss."

The boy chuckles at the thought. "You do mean those things you wrote here, right?" She concerningly asks to which Jungwon only shrugs his shoulder with lips shut tight. "Well, don't mind me 'cause I'd like to think that you did."

"Suit yourself." He mutters. Little did she know he was smiling to himself with flushed cheeks.

The boy looks around the interior of the fort while whistling to the air, followed by a few jabberjays mocking his tune. They chuckle over the memory and realize they had traveled back in time.

"Jay's going to get aggressive with me on fencing once he hears about this. I've been conspiring to keep his sister hidden." He playfully smirks.

"Do you remember we used to do this in the garden lawn? Playing hide and seek just to get a glimpse of Jay's maddening face." Y/n reminisces the good old times they both used to share. Although there were petty fights here and there, what conquered most was their endearing bond.

Jungwon looks over as he vividly remembers that exact memory, "and we ended up building a fort out of the picnic sheets we used to hide in and officially made it our castle" he adds.

"I've forgotten what it's like to feel young." Y/n lets out a deep sigh, minding the pressure she's bearing now that she's about to be offered to the life-long commitment that is marriage.

Jungwon looks over her, feeling all concerned with the worries that she might be facing as of late; things that he wouldn't have any knowledge of as a man.

Society has dictated women's place in the world as persons who are supposed to be emotional, submissive, and homely; something very opposed to those of men. Knowing Y/n well enough and how she enjoys her liberty, her own principles, Jungwon worries her future companion, if not him, would find her very indifferent and of no use in the long run.

And it pains him to think that she wouldn't be well off with someone even worse than him.

She deserves more and he knows that fully well.

"Well, I, for one, miss moments like this more than anything." He lightens the mood in hopes of seeing that beautiful smile on her face.

As he turns to her, the two lock eyes. In that moment, Yang Jungwon swore of laying out his long-hidden sentiments. Under normal circumstances, he would speak his mind. But with Y/n looking at him like this, he would most likely fuck things up.

And he fails himself yet again.

"So uhh… you and the duke-to-be, huh? That must be thrilling." He looks away and pretends to play with the twigs on the ground.

"Y-Yeah! Yeah, indeed, it is. The promenade went well today… before the two decided to sabotage it."

"Do tell."

"We're all aware of how Niki ultimately detests the marquess, aren’t we? He kind of uhh… insulted the man in front of mother."

"And… Jay?"

"Stole the marquess from me to have a word with him."

"I reckon he had many words with him."

Y/n chagrins at the imagination of Jay going head to head with the marquess. Being the overprotective one, Jay will go out of his way to expel threats in the family.

"You seem to be clearly aware of that. Yet you entertained His Grace anyway. I pity Niki. He must be going through a loophole of shit again, now that his dear sister's off strutting with that man." Jungwon blurts out, though he wishes he never did… again.

He is clearly rusty and he kind of admits it now.

"That man? Whatever's the matter with all of you?! You dare speak of him like you know what happened between him and my brother-"

"Y/n, we all went to the same university. What makes you think I know nothing?"

"That man you're referring to was just the man who saved me from an embarrassing night, no thanks to you."

Jungwon scoffs at her pettiness.

"Don't turn away with those remarks now. You toyed with me that night, left me there with nothing but utter shame to bring home. I'm sure you're very proud of that now."

Promenading would be every woman's desire, indeed. But being ghosted or fled from is something that every woman fears, especially when they've been shunned by someone they adore the most. Such shame and reproach haunts them for almost the rest of their lives, especially when the ton won't let them sleep at night with that reminder.

"Have you not at least any bit of politeness left in you? You must be ashamed, asking my brother for such favor that you cannot even put through yourself."

"I have my reasons."

"I highly doubt they're even valid." Y/n retorts. Jungwon sighs in exasperation, finding the situation rather unnecessary that he'd rather keep his mouth shut. She deserves to let her anger out after all.

"Whatever happened to you?" She mutters under her breath, looking over to the boy who kept his head hung low with his elbows leaning on his raised knees. "Sometimes, I look at you and see a completely different person. You know, I never learned to read your mind, Jungwon. So stop giving me all these silent treatments as if something happened even though nothing ever did."

Jungwon lets out a sharp exhale before poking his cheek with his tongue. "Stop seeing Sunghoon then. If you care so much about your brother, stop frolicking around with that scoundrel."

Y/n scoffs at him, followed by the rolling of her eyes, trying to stifle an untimely tear from falling.

"You're unbelievable! Just so you know, I've wasted many sleepless nights crying because of your stupid ass, and I still do for heaven's sake! But now it's very clear to me that there's no amount of crying left that I can do for you!"

Y/n groans heavily before standing up from the pillow she was sitting on, throwing the Austen book hardly on the cold ground.

"So much for hearing nothing but the truth from you, huh? I despise you, Jung. Very much."

She runs off from the boy for what seemed like the nth time. For the past years, this exact scene had happened. Jungwon closes his eyes and lets himself fall harshly on the pillows. He raises a hand over his head, looking at the gaps between his fingers thinking of how he let her slip away, again. He drowns himself in deep thoughts, all the while trusting that Y/n will forget this day ever happened, like before.

He knows she will.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

Though deep down, his stomach churns in fear.

And there's no one to blame but his damning pride.

*send me an ask or a message if you wish to be added on this series' taglist!

ㅡ © ENHA-WOODZIES, 2021

[doof-doofblog]

"We Can Do This!"

Tuesday 19th May 2020

Hi again guys! As promised this is the second post of the day, I hope you all enjoyed my post earlier, I hope you've all had a good day and kept yourself safe. This post will now focus on tonight's episode, so I won't keep you all waiting, let's jump right into it! Again, I feel like there's so much to cover tonight.

Firstly, I'll start with Peter ... How the heck has it been 6 years since Lucy died?! That has absolutely flown by! I remember that story-line so vividly, it was one that really had everyone gripped! Of course the breakfast Bobby had planned was to try and maybe make peace with Peter about it, is it still too raw for Peter? When he was talking to Lola about her, it was nice to have them reminisce and share memories of her. I just hope Peter doesn't get the wrong end of the stick, and Ben too for that matter ... It's nice that they've come to an understanding with each other and they've agreed to keep things between themselves, but then again, this is EastEnders, secrets never stay safe! Ben saw them holding hands, he is going to jump to conclusions straight away, maybe he'll confront Lola - or even Peter for that matter ... or is he going to play detective and try and work on what's going on between them? Either way, let's just hope Jay won't end up getting hurt!

Ahh, so Max has now signed his share of the restaurant over to Ian, temporarily, to stop Rainie from getting her hands on it - or his money from it! Of all the years that Ian and Max have had it in for each other, I think it's nice to see them becoming partners and actually getting along. It's a nice dynamic to see. The thing now is, how is Rainie going to get the money for her and Stuart to have the wedding they're so desperate to have?! Once she finds out about the restaurant, she ain't gonna be happy! Will Max be able to give her the divorce she wants and be able to move on with Ruby. He's admitted to Ian that he genuinely likes her, but does Ruby really feel the same about him? Or is she just in it for a bit of fun? I feel Max and Ruby make an odd couple, I never would've put them together, and to be honest, I can't really see it lasting, but who knows? There are rumours circulating that Ruby is going to sleep with Martin again, I'm not even too sure how I feel about that. I kinda feel sorry for Max too, he's kinda been unlucky in love too over the years ... out of everyone he's been with, I think i'll always hold something for him and Tanya. The first woman he was with when he actually came into the same, the whole family man with the wife and two daughters, I loved all that! Tanya and Max were brilliant before it all fell apart, I don't think there's been anyone for Max (Properly) since Tanya. What do you guys think? How do you feel about Max and Ruby being together? Will he be able to move on now he's signed his share of the business over to Ian, will Rainie find a way to ruin him? I'm intrigued as to what's going to happen next for Max.

During tonight's episode, I was kinda thinking so many things during the scenes between Jack, Keegan and Tiffany. It started with Jack making a dig at Keegan saying he should go to work, while he still has a job, I literally said to the TV "Good one!" ... I'd feel exactly the same! After everything that Jack has done for Keegan he's gone and thrown it back in his face and betrayed him. Why should he have even bothered? Keegan has never been thankful or grateful to Jack for getting him the evidence, he's just been bothered about proving his innocence. Tiffany has had speak on his behalf saying how grateful they are ... even in last night's episode he said to Jack, they're not enemies but they're not friends either. When Keegan was speaking to Karen and Mitch about his video, it was if he was gloating (I personally felt) ... You guys might see it a little differently, but I don't know, even Mitch was wary of him doing the wrong thing, and ask Karen explained, risking the possibility of opening another large can of worms! I literally said "Good!" to the TV when Keegan said the video had been taken down from his social media. There are other ways to prove your innocence, better, respectable and sensible ways. I'm glad Jack's job is safe, and to keep Keegan's spirits lifted, he even showed him footage from the broken CCTV, which Keegan admitted he thought was made up. But even after seeing it he still wasn't happy!! What is it going to take for him to be able to accept that he's been proven right? Is he going to try and take action towards the police or something? I really don't know, I don't know how much further this story-line can go. Am I being a bit naive? Please can someone explain to me? I get what Keegan is feeling, but I do feel like he should let the situation lie now, it's been going on for far too long and he's finally seen the evidence needed to prove him innocent, he should leave it at that and move on and focus on rebuilding his business and his relationship with his wife!

Oh my goodness! Is Jean starting to believe she can actually see Daniel?! Is he mental state slowly getting worse and she's now seeing things/people who aren't really there? Or was she just pretending to try and ignore Kush. Something tells me that was genuine, she was all dolled up and the table was set out nicely and it was if she was having a proper conversation with someone! I really hope somehow Kush will be able to find himself back in Jean's house so he can help her. As I said in the last post, I do feel like things are going to go from bad to worse for Jean before anything starts getting better. She's missing Stacey and she's longing for her to come back home, will the lack of medication actually make her start seeing Stacey and believing that Stacey is there? Or even Sean? Someone needs to get into that house and fast!

Phil seems to have a lot on his mind at the minute doesn't he? There seems to be a lot going on for him. He's having to deal with his son's disability, as well as trying to get money to buy Sharon the Queen Vic. Danny is dragging him into some dodgy business ... and now he's noticed someone has vandalised Dennis's bench that he bought for the youngster! Who the heck vandalised the bench? I'm sure we'll find out in time, Phil will make it his business to make sure he finds out who ruined the bench. Okay, so Kathy now knows that something is going on between Ben and Phil, she knows they're up to something! She's clearly worried about Ben, everyone is, everyone is hoping and praying that Ben's operation will be a success, but there's always going to be that chance of it not working. I am so thrilled that now we have finally met Frankie! I've been looking forward to her character coming into the soap to help Ben, I thought it was brilliant the way they introduced her. Even her little conversation with Callum, explaining to him that things in the deaf community can really help. I hope in time both Callum and Frankie will be able to convince Ben to maybe explore that world, could it be something he'll find will help him in the long run?

Things are really getting to him at the minute, the fact his operation was delayed and also the fact that his Dad made a deal with Danny behind his back. Ben is desperate to prove to his Dad that he still the same, he is still "A Mitchell!" and he's wanting to prove that if he was involved in the job he would be able to handle it. I do fear however that due to his hearing loss, he will not only get himself in danger, but also Phil and possibly Callum in danger. I really don't like Danny, I didn't like him the first time round he was in EastEnders and I certainly don't like him now, he's bad news ... and even though Phil is wanting to get the Mitchell name circling again, I feel like it's only going to end up badly for them. Part of me kinda things that Phil is only doing the dodgy deal because he knows he needs the money to be able to pay for the Queen Vic for Sharon, even though she's not overly keen, he'll do anything to win her back!

I feel like there are many story-lines at the moment that could go in so many different directions, but each one, I don't see a happy outcome. With Keegan, Jean, Ben and Phil ... all of them, things are only going to get worse before they get better. Even though it's going to be very interesting and I have every confidence it'll be gripping to watch, I just hope our favourite characters will come out the other side and in time, everyone will get a happy-ish ending. What do you guys make of the current story-lines? Is there anything I have missed? If there's anything you'd like to chat about feel free to message me, I'll always take the time to reply!

I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next week. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week and keep yourselves safe. We do have a few days to wait now to see what will happen next, but I'm sure the wait will be worth it! Enjoy the rest of your week everyone! xXx

[eaglesandsunsets]

The Lake District, UK

Home is where the heart is.

Okay, so most of us have that one place which will always hold a little piece of our heart.

For me, that is the Lake District in the north of the UK.

For as long as I can remember, my parents and I would pack up our little, red Renault Clio at Easter time and we would make the four hour journey to the Lakes.

We would always play some stupid game! Eye spy was a personal favourite or we would try and make words out of number plates… Like, I guess mum and dad would just try and keep me as occupied as they possibly could!

The Lakes…

Friendly, beautiful, and idyllic are but a few of the words I would use to describe this area of England. Cosy country pubs with the best homemade pies and a toasty fire in the corner, picture perfect views, and incredible history. Can you honestly get much better than that?

We would always stay in a little town on Lake Windermere – the home of Arthur Ransoms’ Swallows and Amazons books, which was easily one of my favourites growing up.

Every year, we would visit the quaintest of villages and there was always a walk or two that we would do. Cobbled streets, tiny pubs and tea rooms, and a mountainous backdrop. You literally cannot get any better than that!

Nostalgia.

Now you can ask anyone… the food is what I miss the most about home.

I remember one year, when I was quite young. There is a little town called Hawkshead and it was always one of our regular spots to visit as a few of our favourite walks started close by.

Every year, there would be a little school that would open up their playground for extra parking in the holidays. It would never cost anything but they ask that you make a small donation and there was a money box built into the stone wall at the little gate. SO CUTE.

So, this one year, we were just wandering around the town centre and we veered off onto the cobbled streets and they were honestly the most beautiful streets I have ever seen.

We stumbled, completely by accident, upon this tiny little tea room called The Grandy Nook.

I can only describe this place as a home away from home. Black beams on the ceiling. Massive fireplace. Everything you can eat is homemade. And quite possibly the smiliest face you’ve ever been greeted with!

Coming here became a tradition.

I would always have a homemade scone with butter and jam and a special hot chocolate (you know, the kind with all the marshmallows!)

Mum would always have homemade coffee and poppyseed cake, dad would have homemade millionaire shortbread and they would share a pot of tea.

The amazing thing about The Grandy Nook was that as soon as we would walk in, we wouldn’t even need to order, we were always remembered and always appreciated. You really do not get that everywhere. Considering we would visit just once every year… I will always remember that gorgeous couple and their amazing cakes!

Mother Nature.

I am a country girl.

I much prefer being outside, surrounded by friendly people, and listening to the birds singing.

Being in the countryside, you’re bound to see (and hear) an abundance of wildlife and one of the most common and easy to spot in those areas are birds of prey.

My dad would be constantly pointing out kestrels and buzzards hovering overhead, and if we were extremely lucky we might even catch a glimpse of an osprey! I would always

One of the other things I can remember vividly was the owls at night. Lying in bed, in our static caravan and hearing them hooting away is amazing.

I think this is where my interest in birds first came from.

When we are young, we never even consider where life may take us in years to come. I used to think that I would move to the Lake District when I became an adult… a place where people say hello as you pass them in the street. A place where you’re never five minutes from a gorgeous, country walk. A place where everyone drinks tea and has the best accent in the country. Never in a million years did I ever think that I would be moving to literally the furthest country away.

Regardless of it being my own decision to move across the pond to Australia (and there are certainly no big regrets there), for so many years of my life, those Easter Holiday memories have meant the most to me.

Danielle xo

[crazytxgradstudent]

Hiding Spot (part 2)

“Should we address the elephant, and get it over with?” She asked. Richard, petting Pepper, “mhmm’d” in agreement.

“Okay, look. I’m a therapist, so I talk for a living. I have no fear of talking, so I’d rather just talk and get it out in the open. I am a huge, ginormous fan. But I’m not a crazy fan, you know? Like if I saw you earlier, I’d probably just stalk you from afar, but I’m not even a little brave enough to approach you and ask for a picture. So now, we know who we are, and it’s good, right? We can just be normal. Or I can move to another spot and give you your privacy. I’m sure it sucks being famous and having everyone always trying to get close to you. But you tripped over me, remember? So I wasn’t like, stalking you or anything.” Danny nibbled on a fingernail for a second. “But I can totally move. It’s no biggie. For real.”

Richard cut those vividly blue eyes at Danny, one corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. “You done?”

“Yep,” Danny looked at her shoes. She had a tendency to ramble when she was nervous, and right now, she was nervous as hell.

“I think I’ll stay here, if it’s all the same to you.” Richard huffed out a laugh. “Besides, I think your dog likes me.” Danny looked over, seeing Pepper curled up in Richard’s lap rather contentedly.

“Danny?” One eyebrow cocked, curiously, as Richard spoke again. 

“Short for Danielle.”

“Ah,” Richard nodded. “And I’m Rich. Short for Richard.”

They sat in companionable silence for a few moments, the only sound that of the occasional flight representative calling for something.

“So, do you live in Seattle?” Richard asked, his deep voice breaking the quiet again.

“Oh, no. I live in Texas. I’m on my way to a conference.” With a grimace, Danny looked at her watch, and sighed. “And I’m supposed to be presenting in about 8 hours.”

“I’m sorry,” Richard offered.

“Yeah, it is what it is, right?”

The weather delay had caused all inbound and outbound flights to Colorado to be cancelled, at least until the storm passed. It was going on 3 hours now, with no end in sight to the freak blizzard that had hit the area. As such, passengers were either spread out over the airport, or had taken up residence in nearby hotels. Being that she had a dog, and none of the offered hotels were pet friendly, Danny had opted to remain at the airport. Looking like a homeless woman with all her shit spread around her. She frowned.

“I’m the keynote speaker,” she giggled humorously. “Ridiculous, right?”

“Keynote? Wow. You must be very important in your field.”

“Uhm, no, not really. I just got asked to do it at this particular event. My boss was conveniently sick.” Danny tugged at the blanket, her voice lowering secretively.  “And can I be honest with you?”

“Of course.”

“I’m so glad I’m gonna miss it.” Her voice was quiet, tinged with guilt.

“Why?” Richard queried.

“I hate speaking in front of people. Honestly, I actively try to avoid any kind of public speaking. On any level. And I’ve never done a keynote before, so I feel like I’m gonna fuck it up and fall on my big fat face. Fuck.” Danny, realizing what she said, clapped a hand over her mouth, her cheeks blossoming with color at her easy use of profanity.  Richard started laughing, deep belly laughs that had Danny grinning behind her hand. “I’m super glad you’re laughing at me, Richard!”

“I’m sorry! Truly,” Richard continued laughing, his eyes watering with mirth. “I just think it’s hilarious, because, one, you don’t have a big fat face. And two, I don’t believe for a minute that you’d mess up your speech.” He scratched under Pepper’s chin, his eyes cutting to Danny. “In fact, I think you’d be spectacular.”

Danny snorted to hide her embarrassment. He really was so handsome. And why did he have to be so nice? “You don’t even know me.”

“I’d like to I think I’m a good judge of character, though.” Richard bumped her with his shoulder. “Speaking as one introvert to another.”

“Did you struggle with it? In the beginning?” Danny asked, before quickly holding up a hand. “I’m sorry, don’t answer that. I said I wasn’t gonna ask you about your career, I apologize.”

“No worries,” Richard grinned. He settled back against the wall, relaxing. “And yes, I did struggle, I still struggle. If you ever seen any behind the scenes anything, I think you’ll find me tucked away at the back of the screen. I hate being in the front. It’s still so difficult for me.” He leaned closer, winking. “I actively try to avoid any kind of public speaking myself.”

“But you’re a famous actor.” Danny puzzled. “How does that even work?”

“I just do my thing in front of the camera, and then I scurry away.” Richard shrugged. “Granted, it’s easier the more events I do, but I still don’t care for it much. Acting is one thing, playing to the paparazzi and cameras is another.”

“Hmmm,” Danny mused.

“You can practice your speech on me, if you’d like.” Richard turned to her. “I’d love to hear it.”

“No way!” Danny shook her head emphatically. “Plus, you’d be bored to death.  It’s very nerdy stuff.”

Richard reached over and pulled his cellphone from his pocket. With a grin, he held it up, and pointed at the cover.  The One Ring inscription from the Lord of The Rings stared back at her. Smiling, Danny looked over at her laptop, seeing the same image, only larger, circling the apple.

“I think that settles the nerd debate, does it not?” He tucked his phone back in his pocket, his grin in place.

“I suppose,” Danny sighed…

@fizzyxcustard @thophil2941btw @lamaudite @emrfangirl

[recentanimenews]

THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH Begins with Episodes 1-7!

*guitar*

*shadows*

COME ON!

Welcome to The Great Crunchyroll Naruto Rewatch! I'm Nate, and I'll be your host this week as we make our way through all 220 episodes of the original Naruto. Last week, I told you how all this worked, but everybody who's new I'll go over things one more time.

  Each week, we'll be watching SEVEN EPISODES of the original Naruto, and sharing our thoughts on them interview-style every Friday at 5pm PST.

  This week, we're starting things off with episodes 1-7, featuring an introduction to everyone's favorite super-loud orange ninja, the rest of our main cast, and this world of ninja that they inhabit. Things move pretty quickly--it's not long before Naruto's assigned to Team 7, they have their first real test against their teacher and commander Kakashi, and they face their first life-or-death fights against the Demon Brothers and Zabuza!

  But, before we discuss these episodes, let's take a look at the comments and questions that you had from our last installment!

  The number one question we got last week was a simple one: ARE WE GOING TO SKIP THE FILLER?

  No. We are not skipping the filler.

  You may skip the filler, but be sure to tune in to see our reactions to it... there's gonna be a lot down the road.

  Now, let's see what the Crunchyroll Features team thought of this week's episodes!

Alright, this is where it all starts--I know a bunch of you are new to Naruto. How did actually watching it compare to your expectations?

Paul: Judging from my previous experiences with the fans, I was expecting Naruto (both the show and the titular character) to be a little more meat-headed and hyper-masculine. Instead, the show sets a laser focus on evoking sympathy with a protagonist who wants to be the best in the world simply so people will recognize him. I didn't anticipate such feelings of internalized inadequacy from the shouty, fighty shonen hero.

Peter: I’m rewatching and also decided to read the manga alongside. So far I’m really impressed by how strong Kishimoto’s aesthetic was from the outset. The environments and character designs are all unmistakeable and his action is like this perfect combination of piece-by-piece panels and splashes. I like the anime’s additions, especially some extra Naruto/Konohamaru scenes which drive home the difference in how they’re treated and an early Ino intro that sets up her rivalry with Sakura.

Kevin: I was one of the people watching the original Cartoon Network run of the show’s dub back somewhere around 2003 or 2004. Going back and rewatching, I forgot how much the early parts of the show focus on Naruto’s emotional struggle, first of not being accepted by anyone and just trying to get attention, then how he feels about his various failings as a ninja. As a result, the stakes aren’t as high, but it feels like a much more personal story.

Jared: I completely missed out on Naruto after dropping off anime around 2003, but going in I was more expecting it to follow a similar structure to other shonen shows I’ve seen. From the start, the opening episode completely shattered any expectations I had with how tight the entire episode was woven together with regards to its narrative, characterizations, and how much info it packed into 24 minutes. Outside of that, I think I’d missed out on knowing that Naruto can act like a brat early on in the series.

Joseph: I’m in an interesting position, because I watched maybe 40 episodes of this a decade ago and I’ve read around 50 volumes of the manga. I will say I was surprised at how nostalgic it felt to watch this compared to, say, Shippuden, which has a much different vibe. It’s also impressive how much groundwork is laid for the entire series via Kishimoto’s designs and world and the way the anime adapted it.

Carolyn: I was very surprised at how quickly they dove into Naruto’s backstory. I have seen the show many years ago and didn’t seem to remember that such a “big reveal” occurred so quickly. I… honestly find the story quite boring and hard to keep my attention focused on, I guess I’m just not super invested in the characters. However, I can absolutely see seeds of how this show has affected and inspired many that came after it. I hadn’t really noticed that when watching other anime, but going back and rewatching Naruto makes that pretty clear. Also, I am cracking up at the totally rad ‘80s Breakfast Club-esque opening sequence. I didn’t remember that music at all.

Noelle: Naruto was one of my first encounters with manga when I first really started getting into it, but it’s been a long time since I touched it. I read the whole thing, but I never reread it, so a lot of instances I completely forgot about. For example, I forgot how kind of gruesome it was at the start, focusing on serious injuries instead of just fantasy violence. At the same time, I’m impressed how strong the characters are established, along with themes such as kindness and proving yourself that will resonate throughout the entire series.

Kara: I was five years out of college when Naruto started, and I remember in the circles I ran in it was Not The Done Thing to be into it. I can’t remember if it was because it was considered a “casual’s anime” or if it was based on run-ins with cosplayers at conventions. Likely a little of both. Watching it has been a lot more chill than I expected, and while I see a lot of the tropes I figured I’d see, it looks like it’s leading somewhere interesting.

David: I basically grew up with Naruto, but I fell off of it in high school so it’s been more than a decade since the last time I actually watched an episode or read a chapter. Comparing it to my expectations, it’s much more focused than I recall--the first episode could stand alone as a very emotionally effective short story, for example. Kakashi is still the only side character who seems to have a lot of thought put into their long-term character arc, though.

Daniel: I like it, though Naruto has always kind of been a blind spot for me. I’ve seen a decent chunk of it, but it’s always kind of been background noise, something to have on so that when people ask me “Do you only watch One Piece?”, I can say “NUH UH. I ALSO WATCH THIS ONE ABOUT ANOTHER LOUD BOY.” That said, actually paying attention to it, it’s pretty fun. I dig Kishimoto’s world building, and the environment that he’s set up. I’m really interested in finally figuring out why so many people adopted this show as their gospel.

Danni W: I actually did watch the first dozen or so episodes of Naruto around six or seven years ago, so this was more of a refresher than anything. It never quite clicked with me the first time, so I was surprised to find I enjoyed it more this time around. I think it helped that the show gets real pretty immediately. We’re only seven episodes in and Naruto has already had to face real combat three separate times. The characters aren’t enough to hook me yet, so the early doses of action have made for a good on ramp for me.

I've always enjoyed how Naruto hangs on to its emotional core, and we see that very strongly in the first few episodes. What did you all think of this part of the story?

Paul: I'm not fully invested yet in the emotional stakes of the series, mostly because I don't really know the scope and scale of the world that Naruto inhabits. Why are these children being trained to be spies and assassins from such a young age? What dangers does the outside world present such that it prompts entire villages to weaponize their kids?

Peter: I feel like I never gave Iruka enough credit in retrospect, maybe because his act was the first in what later emerged as the series core. Without him, Naruto probably would have been another Gaara. I also never realized that Naruto is wearing Iruka’s headband the entire damn story. After Naruto’s hand stab I’m trying to remember if grand masculine gestures are regularly mocked as an inverse toward the important compassionate gestures, so I’m planning to track that moving forward.

Kevin: While I like seeing the cool techniques and fights from later in the show, going back to the beginning and seeing much more of a focus on each character’s internal conflicts is an interesting change, giving each of their actions a bit more personal weight. It’s not inherently better or worse, just a different focus on the same story.

Jared: It really seemed like a great way to start the series and let people know from the onset that this is a story that deals heavily with empathy. I figured eventually the series would go that route, but to do it immediately sets a tone that allows for these characters like Naruto to instantly have layers that otherwise might take a long time to see. With the show really bouncing between emotional moments and comedy pretty frequently, I’m curious whether it’ll continue that or try and lean more in one direction or the other.

Joseph: Naruto is the most three-dimensional character in these first episodes, mostly because we haven’t had much time to delve into the stories that drive Sakura and Sasuke. I think they do a great job of making Naruto sympathetic, which makes up for his brattiness. One other thing I appreciate is that they make it clear from the outset that being a ninja isn’t just cartoonishly huge shuriken fun and games. People die on the regular here, and Naruto and the rest of his upstart era would do well do remember that before taking the next steps.

Carolyn: Just let Naruto live! Everyone is so mean to the poor kid. Again, I was surprised at how quickly they jump into this and I have a feeling it is what kept me watching the first time around. They do a good job of making you feel empathy for Naruto even when he is being totally obnoxious.

Noelle: While I remember pretty vividly the general plot, I don’t remember a lot of the small moments that make up a scene. Naruto is set up really well, and I to this day really enjoy that he’s not just cast as a quirky problem child with no future, but someone who genuinely wants to be acknowledged, and acting out is the easiest way to get attention. Knowing how things end up, seeing everyone at the start and how they are introduced is a good refresher and sets up a lot later on. At its heart, this really is a story about teamwork, empathy, and growing up.

Kara: It’s been all right—some cute and funny bits, and I like what action scenes we’ve had. From a writing standpoint, it feels like (except for Naruto himself) everyone’s categorized largely by wanting to be the Hokage, wanting to kill someone, or having a crush on someone. But I can also see that we’re quickly moving forward from that. Being on the News team means educating myself fast about unfamiliar shows, and the wildest thing to me has been seeing Hinata in the background crushing on Naruto when I just recently posted an article about her wedding figure.

David: Iruka and Naruto’s relationship has to be my favorite single part from this section. Iruka is given every reason to not like or just give up on this kid, yet he sticks up for him the whole time (while also never letting him slack--no free pass on the exams for Naruto!). Kakashi is setting up to be a good role model, too, but I’ll definitely miss how intimate Iruka’s care for Naruto is.

Daniel: You can really sympathize with Naruto because he’s the “chosen one” character without being a prodigy. He isn’t impressive right out of the gate, but he has the potential to be impressive. I think you can relate to him easier than, say, Goku, who is ready to dropkick most of the world the first time you meet him. That feeling of being meant for bigger things, but still struggling to even get on the path to those bigger things is pretty powerful.

Danni: I think it’s showing some promise. I really appreciate the lengths it goes to explain why Naruto is a troublemaker in the first place. He can be pretty annoying, but the reasons for that are mostly justified. In the end, he’s a victim. I like that Sasuke can already see that and identify with him in that respect. They both have a lot of trauma to work though in the next *checks notes* few hundred episodes.

I know we're really early in, but have there been any standout moments or characters so far?

Paul: I know everybody else is probably going to go with Kakashi as the standout character, but also cool as Kakashi may be, my heart goes out to Akimichi Choji, the chubby ninja who is stuffing his face with potato chips in Episode 3. I also like the design of the oversized shurikens and other exaggerated weapons, and I dig the visual aesthetic of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

Peter: This question is kind of hard to answer since I’m retracing old ground but I definitely did not recall Sakura being such a little shithead. Completely forgot her putting her foot in her mouth with Sasuke saying Naruto’s a troublemaker because he’s an orphan. Funnily enough, I think her hating Naruto for who he is rather than what he represents is a really important connection between the two.

Kevin: Naruto freezing up in his first real fight and then stabbing himself, swearing that he’ll never be a burden again was a scene that I feel is an exemplar of how the early story focuses more on Naruto’s emotional journey, rather than just trying to fight increasingly strong bad guys, but still has the kind of payoffs that the audience can rally behind.

Jared: Iruka is a good dude who really wants what’s best for Naruto, even if it means taking an oversized shuriken to the back. Naruto stabbing himself in episode 6 was an immediate “YO” moment from me. The entire atmosphere of the fight in the back half of episode 7 was incredibly good. I really hope that Konohamaru continues to show up with either worse and worse stealth or continuously better ways to try and fight Naruto.

Carolyn: Glad to see Shikamaru show up so early. Love him. As I mentioned before, I’m not sure I’m fully invested in these characters. I am quite disappointed in Sakura. I remember loving her when I was younger and she is not the strong female character I remembered. She’s kind of desperately boy-crazy. Which is fine! But it feels like it comes on strong and the first several episodes don’t give her many traits beyond that. She must grow throughout the series, or my memories were warped? Kakashi Sensei feels sooooo much like a Shoto Aizawa (My Hero Academia’s Eraserhead) prototype. The mystery, the aloof manner, but secretly a big softie that just wants his student to do well. Similarly, Naruto has a lot of traits that seem to overlap with Bakugo and Soul Eater’s Black Star. More evidence of the show’s reach.  Sexy Jutsu has not aged well. Also, the ending theme song is beautiful.

Noelle: Kakashi’s great, and knowing that he’s pretty close to my age puts a lot of things into context now that I’m an adult. Kakashi’s got a lot on his plate with these three problem children under his wing, but he’s still a pretty laid back guy personality-wise. Someone who stood out to me more in my rewatch was Iruka. Iruka’s presence means so much to Naruto, being the father figure he never really had. If Iruka wasn’t kind to Naruto, and he really was the only person to treat Naruto like a kid and not just a monster container, this would’ve been a very different series. Naruto truly did need someone to be there for him, and seeing their relationship really does make my heart warm. Iruka’s a good guy!

Kara: I actually cannot believe how much I associate with Naruto, and 12-years-ago me would faint at hearing that. The absolute need to prove himself, the feeling that he’s sliding backwards the harder he works, all that is something I (and others, I’m sure) can relate to. Obviously he goes a little harder than most people would in his situation—seriously, if you’re wearing Safety Orange constantly, you’ve gotta think really highly of yourself as a ninja—but it’s really something to see how much of his attitude is couched in fear of failure.

Joseph: Kakashi’s kancho, obviously.

David: Konohamaru only gets his one episode here, but I actually thought his bit was the most emotionally effective. He largely has the same issues as Naruto but in reverse. Konohamaru isn’t necessarily "royalty" but treated as such, infantilizing him from his perspective. Even his name is a point of contention for him, putting a burden on his very existence that others can’t relate to. To these ends, he looks up to Naruto for being a free spirit, but as the viewers we understand that they are more similar than they know. Naruto is the main character--we see his troubles garnering respect and even love from his peers and mentors in these episodes--but Konohamaru grounds that conflict by mirroring it.

Daniel: In my high school band class in Freshman year, a kid asked the teacher to be referred to as “Sasuke.” He also had a ninja headband that he’d wear around some time, and while I thought it was goofy then, I think it’s ABSOLUTELY DOPE now. So, while I still figure out the characters, I’m gonna nominate broody ol’ Sasuke in honor of that kid.

Danni: Kakashi covers like 75% of his face with ninja gear and to show how badass he is fought one-handed while reading a book called Makeout Paradise. I want to be that cool someday.

The action escalated pretty quickly--we started with Team 7 having to take the bells from Kakashi for the first full-on action scene (even if it wasn't "for keeps"), and then we have to worry about Hidden Mist assassins and our first real villain, Zabuza. Any thoughts on the action?

Paul: I like all of the action that I've seen so far, but the resolution to Kakashi's test wasn't dramatically satisfying for me. The payoff didn't match the build-up. I wanted to see Team 7 put up more of a show of resistance than simply refusing to obey Kakashi's instructions not to feed Naruto. The scene plays more like everyone being recalcitrant teenagers and less like anyone taking a principled stand.

Peter: I can’t believe the action is so sick even this early on. I always thought of Sasuke’s style as the most orthodox and the intricacy of some of his combos and the shots are so damn satisfying to look. Kishimoto made it super easy for the animators to make some stylish shots and they ran with it. The series is already building its vocabulary with a Sasuke attack that obviously builds into the Lion Combo and some underground shenanigans.

Kevin: I feel like this is the show’s action at its weakest. None of the Genin know how to fight yet, so once the actually dangerous fighting begins, they’re relegated to standing around watching Kakashi and Zabuza fight, and even that hasn’t gotten to the more impressive techniques. It’s not bad since at least there is still a fight between two experienced combatants to watch, it’s just weaker than what the show delivers on later when the protagonist and major characters are experienced enough to contribute.

Jared: I was surprised how subdued the action had felt before Team 7 took on Kakashi with there being pretty minimal fight scenes until that point. Kakashi messing around with Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura gave a good baseline of the complete difference in skill between all of them, but it wasn’t until Zabuza and his ridiculous cow print sleeves showed up that we truly get a sense of how much of a gap there is between Kakashi and Team 7. The beginnings of that fight truly gave the feeling of their being stakes involved which had been missing elsewhere.

Carolyn: Again, surprised at how quickly the show turns on a dime. They can go from goofy to serious in a heartbeat and it is very reminiscent of how things often progress on My Hero Academia. But I still find it hard to really get into the peril. I’m not sure why, exactly, I’m not very invested in the characters, but it’s early. I’m sure that will change.

Noelle: Since this series came out where it did, Jump was still very much comfortable with keeping pacing slow. As a result, the fights are a lot slower than what I’m used to, even if that was the norm back then. At the same time, the action itself isn’t bad--it’s pretty clever, and introduces the rules of the world in a way that anyone can pick up with ease.

Kara: I have a feeling a lot of my appreciation for the fighting will come as I start learning the different abilities in play. There have definitely been some cool moves, but I think we’re still in that exposition phase where we’re learning the types of things ninjas can do (and what our main cast’s strong and weak points are). A couple weeks from now when I’ve seen more of how this universe operates, I’ll probably be all in.

David: Sure, the action isn’t flashy, but the Kakashi training fight was much better than I remember it being for two reasons. One, it’s just funny. Kakashi doesn’t do anything truly harsh to the kids (well, aside from starve them, but that’s part of the plan), and what little physical combat he does with them is either light or just plain comedic. Two, it serves as a small show-don’t-tell of the show’s combat mechanics. For example, he calls out at the beginning that he’s going to use taijutsu, leading to his infamous kancho when he could have done a million other things; Sakura even believes he is using a more fancy technique before it happens. From there more involved strategies are used and by the end we have a basic primer of Naruto combat simultaneously serving as a team-building exercise for our heroes. Very efficient storytelling.

Joseph: The action is really clear and well-handled in these early episodes. I’m not sure how it gets later on, but I know in the manga I found some of Kishimoto’s action layouts much harder to follow than they should be. His designs and the intention behind his action translate nicely to animation, thankfully. Naruto is also really good at suddenly showing just how powerful a character really is within action, which is a total must-have shonen staple.

Danni: It’s not very flashy so far, but it is pretty tense. The high-level combat so far seems to entirely be a contest of clones and substitutions. The substitution jutsu seems way too broken. That being said, it’s a pretty cool technique. I hope we get to start seeing some good hand-to-hand soon.

For this batch of episodes, what were the highest and lowest points, respectively?

Paul: High point: Naruto getting caught in Kakashi's rope trap, grumbling about not getting tricked again while he frees himself, and then immediately getting caught in another rope trap. I love those kind of gags. Low point: ninja diarrhea.

Peter: In both cases probably the information reveals. Purely narratively speaking, a lot of the info that comes at the characters feels like common knowledge in retrospect. Kakashi is famous for having the Sharingan, how the village and mission systems work, and Sakura not knowing about her crush’s family being murdered seem like they should things the kids know. On the other hand, I’m super impressed with how much of a foundation Sasuke and Kakashi’s backstory have so early on and foreshadowing for both.

Kevin: The lowest point for me was the repeated use of the “Sexy Jutsu.” Once made sense to show Naruto as a troublemaker who could invent new techniques if he tried, and the Harem Jutsu showed that he can be creative and combine techniques for new tactics, but the other 2-3 times just feel like a joke being overplayed. The best moment was the fight against the Hidden Mist Chunin, since each of the kids’ personalities show through clearly. Sakura is terrified but keeps to her main duty, Sasuke starts retaliating to get rid of the threat, and Naruto freezes in place and needs to be saved, leading to an excellent emotional payoff when the fight is over.

Jared: The high points for me were Kakashi vs. Zabuza, Naruto’s hand stab, and Sakura and Ino’s incredibly ridiculous power walk competition in episode 3. Sexy Jutsu really beats you over the head with how many times they use that gag and Naruto’s stomach issues from episode 3 were just strange, so those would be my low points.

Carolyn: The music is a definite high! The emotional moments and humanizing of Naruto is nice to see. Using ninja skills to save a lost cat is completely adorable and feels like something All Might would do. Did the My Hero peeps grow up on Naruto? It feels like it. I also like how positive Naruto is in the face of adversity. He can make any situation a positive one. Laughing at the clunky exposition, “It’s going to take someone who is highly skilled.” Low point, again, definitely Sexy Jutsu (and teaching Sexy Jutsu to a little kid, WTF, these were different times) and Sakura’s desperate crush.

Noelle: Sexy Jutsu got old really fast. It was interesting to see Naruto expand it, as that showed he was learning, but aside from that, it’s an overdone gag. Glad they cut down on it. For good points, the Zabuza fight for sure, and each one of the kids standing up for themselves in the face of danger. And of course, Naruto stabbing himself in the hand to show his resolve!  

Kara: Low point was absolutely the diarrhea episode—add to that the weird middle school comedy of errors surrounding it. I only had so much tolerance for Sakura’s crush and Naruto’s willingness to either mess with or take advantage of it. High point for me was Konohamaru’s desire to be called by his name and not his function or association. It was such a goofy little episode, but something really resonated for me about being willing to go to ridiculous lengths just to be recognized for who he is.

David: The bizarre ‘love triangle’ dynamic as a whole is the low point--this is notably represented well in the “diarrhea episode,” but comes across everywhere else too in how obviously undercooked Sasuke and Sakura’s characters are at this point. On the other hand, the high point is how obviously fully developed Kakashi is despite us knowing so little about him at this point. Unlike the rest of the side characters, there is clearly a lot going on in both what we see him doing here and what is implied to be happening in his background, and that’s as exciting a hook as it was when I was in middle school.

Joseph: The gags are hit or miss, but mostly decent. For me, the low point is any time an information dump rears its head. Zabuza standing on top of his sword for an eternity while he and Kakashi trade off exposition about the Sharingan is sloppy. I dig most everything else, and the high point is how the story handles this early-stage version of Naruto. He is just straight up a bad ninja, and it shows. He’s loud, brash, and obnoxious in an all orange jumpsuit. He’s the anti-ninja. Best of all, he’s terrified, and he totally should be.

Daniel: I really like the show’s tone, usually. But the high point and low point were within five seconds of one another. In the first episode, it’s so rad when Naruto finally reveals his Shadow Clone Jutsu against Mizuki. And then they all beat up Mizuki, and you get these “BONK BOOP SCHWWWWOOOP” sound effects, which takes all of the power of the scene and kicks it out the door.

Danni: For me, the highest point of this batch was in the first episode when Naruto overhears Iruka defending him against Mizuki. That’s a potentially life-changing moment for Naruto, finally learning why so many in the village hate him. Had it been anyone but Iruka who had found Naruto, he likely would’ve ended up turning against the entire village in anger. It’s a touching moment of understanding not just between teacher and student, but also between a pair of orphans linked by the same tragic event.

The lowest point is anytime I‘m reminded the sexy jutsu exists.

  COUNTERS

Ramen consumed so far: 2 bowls, 1 cup

"I'm gonna be Hokage!" count: 8

Number of Shadow Clones summoned: 46

And that's everything for this week! Remember that you're always welcome to join us for this rewatch, especially if you haven't watched the original Naruto!

Here's our upcoming schedule!

-Next week, on JANUARY 25th, we'll be discussing EPISODES 8-14, hosted by KARA DENNISON! The mission in the Land of Waves continues! THIS IS THE ONLY INSTALLMENT WE'RE ACCEPTING QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS FOR THIS WEEK!

-Then, on FEBRUARY 1st, we discuss EPISODES 15-21, with KEVIN MATYI hosting! Not only do we start the Chunin Exam arc, but we get our first FILLER EPISODE!

-On FEBRUARY 8th,we'll discuss EPISODES 22-28, with JARED CLEMONS as host! The Chunin Exam kicks into high gear!

Thank you for joining us for the Great Crunchyroll Naruto Rewatch! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time!

Have any comments or questions about episodes 1-7? What about our upcoming installment, featuring episodes 8-14?

-----

Nate Ming is the Features Editor for Crunchyroll News and creator of the long-running Fanart Friday column. You can follow him on Twitter at @NateMing. Check out his comic, Shaw City Strikers!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[wdwimagine]

here - JA.

pairings: reader x jack avery

warnings? nahhhhh.

summary: things have been rough between you and jack and when he leaves to go on tour you think it’s over.

requested? nope.

As if he left me here. Left me here looking like an absolute idiot. I cant believe he forgot we had a date tonight.

I sighed to myself, starting my car. Tonight had been a disaster of epic proportions. Having not seen my boyfriend in two weeks I actually thought he would remember that we had a date tonight. But clearly that was not the case.

I pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and was about to make my way home when I decided that I would rather go and give me boyfriend a visit. Hopefully, he won’t lie right to my face and he’d be able to understand how unbelievably pissed off I am.

Two months. He’s going on tour for two whole months, and I won’t be able to see him for majority of that time. It felt like he had ripped my heart out and set it on fire because he missed our date. Many people would say I’m overreacting but I don’t think I am, he’s never done this before and honestly it hurts.

I pulled up outside the compound, making sure to rub my eyes so that it didn’t look like I had been crying. I got out of my car and took in a deep breath, now was the time for confrontation and I’m not good at that. I composed myself before walking over to the door, ringing the doorbell.

“(Y/N)?” Jonah said opening the door, confusion vividly shown all over his face.

“Hey, I was just wondering if Jack’s in?” I replied trying to make it seem like I wasn’t pissed. I didn’t want the boys knowing about our private life, I don’t know why.

“Um, yeah come in.” Jonah replied moving out of the way. I followed him into the house and walked towards the kitchen where Corbyn and Zach were sat eating some noodles. They both greeted me and I smiled in response, asking them the same question that I had asked Jonah.

“I think he’s upstairs.” Corbyn replied. “Packing for tomorrow.”

“Okay, thanks.” I replied before walking upstairs towards Daniel and Jack’s room. I knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open it. Daniel opened the door and smiled at me.

“Oh, hi, (Y/N).” He said before he moved past me and downstairs. I walked into the room too see Jack laying on his bed on his phone.

“Hi.” I said taking a step towards him. He looked up at me and locked his phone.

“Oh, hey babe. What are you doing here?” He asked sitting up.

“Really?” I scoffed. “We had a date tonight, Jack. A date that you completely forgot about.”

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry, (Y/N).” He replied walking past me and towards his open suitcase. “I’ve just been so busy packing for tour and making sure everything is going smoothly.”

“I understand that Jack, I really do. But it hurts because you didn’t even text me, you just forgot about me. It’s like you never have time for me anymore.”

“Really?” He asked, clearly getting slightly angry. “I never have time for you? (Y/N), I barely have time for myself anymore! I have priorities and I try to see you as much as I can! Don’t act like this is all completely my fault!”

“Jack!” I said raising my voice slightly. “I understand that you live in this fast-paced world but I don’t. And to be honest, it’s getting annoying that I have to make time for you yet you can barely make any time for me. I feel like I put in so much time in this relationship but only on your call!”

“We both make time for each other!”

“Really? Jack, I was meant to go to my brothers football match tonight but I scrapped it because I wanted to spend time with you because I’m not going to see you for two months. And what do you do? Forget about our date. Forget about me!”

“You’re being ridiculous!” He yelled. “Try living under this stress! I am going on tour tomorrow, I don’t have time to breathe because I’m so preoccupied! You don’t have to cancel your plans for me!”

“But I do it because you’re my boyfriend!”

“You don’t have too! Maybe sometimes we need a little break from each other.”

“We have a lot of breaks, Jack! I haven’t seen you for two weeks!” I yelled. This was getting ridiculous, all I wanted to do was talk but things clearly got heated too quickly. Our differences were being laid out on the table and there was nothing either one of us could do about it.

“You’re stressing me out!” Jack yelled taking a seat at the end of his bed. “I don’t need this! Not now!”

“Fine.” I mumbled. “Have fun on tour, Jack.”

“Thank you.” He mumbled in response. Both of us didn’t look at each other, I simply walked out of his bedroom and back downstairs where I was greeted by the faces of Daniel and Zach.

“Leaving so soon?” Zach asked.

“Yeah.” I replied. “Have fun on tour guys.”

“Thanks.” Daniel replied. “Will we be seeing you at any shows?”

“I don’t know. Bye guys.”

“Bye.” They both responded. I gave them a small wave before walking out of their house and towards my car. Getting in so I could go home and forget about the events that had just happened.

—

It was later the same evening and I had a relaxing bath, eaten my weight in ice cream and cried a little bit to myself. Now I was sat on my bed, in my pyjamas watching Full House on Netflix. Why couldn’t I have a love like Becky and Uncle Jesse.

“Hey.” My mom said walking into the room after coming in from work. I smiled at her in response, focusing my attention back on my tv. “How was the date.”

“I wouldn’t know.” I replied. “He didn’t show up.”

“What?” She asked taking a seat next to me on my bed. “That doesn’t sound like Jack at all.”

“Well when I confronted him about it he said it’s because he’s stressed for tour.”

“Oh sweet.” Mom said stroking my hair, pulling me into a hug. “He just wants everything to be perfect and I’m sure you understand that. He shouldn’t have stood you up but I don’t want you two leaving things on a bad note for two months.”

“Well I cant speak to him.” I replied, letting a few tears slip. “He’s leaving for the airport at seven tomorrow morning.”

“I’m sure both of you will come to your senses.”

—

I was woken up the next morning by a tapping noise. I groaned, rolling over to try and block whatever noise this was, out. Its too early for this. The tapping noise continued, I looked at the time on my phone to see that it was five thirty am. No, this is not happening. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep when I saw something hit my window. I quickly stood up and looked outside, only to see my boyfriend throwing small rocks at my window from outside.

I immediately ran downstairs, trying not to wake any of my family memebers up. Even though I was emotionally drained, I felt very energetic as I opened the door, greeting the face of the boy who had my heart.

“You’re here.” I mumbled, closing the front door behind me. I stepped out on to the porch in the pitch black with my boyfriend who was directly across from me.

“Of course I am.” Jack replied. “Do you really think I would go away, leaving us on a bad note?”

“No, of course not.” I replied, following his actions as the two of us sat on my doorstep. “But why are you here?”

“I wanted to apologise. Yesterday, it shouldn’t have happened. I said some things that I shouldn’t have said. I acted like a jerk. I was just stressed out and I took it all out on you, which wasn’t fair. You’re right.”

“I am?”

“Yes. You made realise that whenever we do go out on dates, or whenever you come over to the house, or whenever I see you in general it’s because of what I say we should do. You always make time for me and I never have time for you, I’m sorry.”

“Jack, I understand. You’re an artist, it’s what you do. Sometimes, just sometimes, I would like you to be the one who rings me up and says hey let’s go on a date. But I know how busy you and the boys can get. You live this incredibly fast-paced life and I just can’t keep up. I try too. But sometimes it doesn’t work.”

“I know, babe, I know. I’m going to try and be better at making time for you and spending more time with you. Starting now.”

“Starting now? Don’t you need to leave for the airport soon?”

“Yes. But I want you too come with me.”

“Jack.” I gasped. “I don’t have a ticket. I cant just leave my house at five thirty in the morning and go on tour with you without telling my parents. I cant pack a suitcase up for two months.”

“David’s already sorted the ticket out.” He replied. “But it’s completely up to you. Everything is sorted if you want to come.”

“Jack, my parents -“

“Go.” I heard my mom say. Both Jack and I jumped in surprise, staring at my mother confused. “You woke me up when you ran down the stairs. I heard the whole conversation. If everything is really sorted for you, then go. I think spending two months together will do you both the world of good.”

“Thank you so much, Mrs (Y/L/N).” Jack smiled up at her. It looks like I’m going on tour.

[shreyamistry]

62: ‘I want to protect you’ but angsty, I’m ready to be hurt by you bby

“I want to protect you” (ANGST)

Dan x MC 

Klara’s mind raced angrily, her newly manicured fingernails digging into the cushion of her lime green couch. The pink nail polish already chipping off, she and Dan were supposed to have a date tonight and he didn’t show as usual, what was she supposed to do? Sit around the house and mope like a love-stricken puppy? She took a few bills from Dan’s underwear drawer and treated herself to a massage, a manicure, a pedicure, and an expensive dinner with an equally expensive wine which she’s already sunk half her investments with the mind glass empty and her manicure half fucked up.

Still, none of it helped the irritation, frustration, and rage in her head. A criminal breed inside her as she considers ripping Dan’s head off her own two hands the minute he walked through the door, although she’d never followed through the thought played in her mind. She never used to think so violently until now, she never felt the need to be angry or yell at your significant other until now that she and Dan we’re caught in the flames. She grinds her teeth together remembering a simple time for them.

Klara vividly reminds the first night she felt her and Dan slipping apart, although he spent that night claiming they weren’t, she knew deep down that the secrets hidden behind his web of lies would ultimately ruin them no matter how hard she forced the thoughts out of her head, they lingered in her mind the epitome of lost love that she’d never find again.

She grabs the half-empty bottle of red wine off the table pouring herself a heaping amount of the cranberry purple liquid into her glass. She brings the tip of the bottle to her lips throwing her head back and downing a generous swig of her drink before slamming it down onto the coffee table. She takes the wine and makes her way into the kitchen shoving her footstool in front of the fridge before climbing on reaching for the top cupboard.

Before she realizes what’s happening her feet slide out from under her sending her to a crashing fall, slamming her buttocks against the floor along with her hands her head flying backward hitting against the stove. Klara remains still, her vision blurring with the sight of her blood? Maybe it was the wine running down her hand with pieces of glass from the drink sprinkled around her and on her. She stares out into the distance her eyes blinking closed.

When Klara finally comes to, drool rolls down her chin in a glob, and she instantly brings her hand to her chin to wipe away the pooling liquid her arm wincing in pain with every movement. She glances at her hand for a split second finding shards of her cup embedded into her skin. Before she can completely register everything that happened, the sound of the door brought in the smell of mold, alcohol, sweat, and Dan.

Her eyes widen with rage registering her boyfriend’s arrival, pushing herself off the floor ignoring the searing pain shooting through her body as she encloses the space between them shoving him roughly against the wall her teeth reared with anger, her eyes squinting that made Dan visibly gulp at the sight of her. “And look what we have here, strolling in smelling like the ruins.”

“Klara-“ Dan begins to speak, and Klara shoves him with her force again, her eyes blazing angrily staring at him.

“Don’t sweet talk me, Daniel.” She spits at him, the words rolling off her tongue bitterly. “I’m so over all of this. You’re an asshole, you know that.”

Dan doesn’t respond. He stands there looking down her fiery gaze, gulping visibly and uncomfortably. “You’re bleeding.” He whispers, taking notice of her scraped up arms. He reaches out to hold her hands and she instantly recoils.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” She growls, walking away from him now towards the kitchen, with Dan following closely behind.

“What happened? Why are you bleeding? Klara talk to me.” Dan rambles on compassionately, as he watches Klara take the broom out of the closet before entering the kitchen.

Klara begins to sweep the wine and shards of glass into a pile, muttering under her breath. Dan watches helplessly as she begins to brush the glass and liquids into the dustpan, he didn’t know how to help or comfort her in her frenzy, but he knew it was his fault nonetheless.

“You need to stop, Klara. You’re clearly hurt, let me help you.”

“WERE ONLY HERE BECAUSE OF YOU DAN!” Klara’s abrasive anger filled their apartment as she wheels around on her heel getting face to face with Dan. “While you’re out in the woods playing with dirt and whatever the fuck else it is that you do with Ava, I’m here by myself mind you. You’ve missed every date night for the past fucking month Dan, don’t you care about me?”

Her lips curled from the rage she felt, watching Dan sputter and spew trying to form words, typical Dan she thought to herself. Unable to face confrontation and it sent her in a blind fury just thinking about it, all the frustration and inadequate love filling her already cloudy mind. All the relationship woes were starting to bare down on far too much, she couldn’t handle it, she tried time and time again to give Dan the benefit of the doubt, hear him out, and understand, but it could never be enough, he always wanted more understanding than she was content to give. She yearned for the days when their problems were who hogged the covers move, who’s mom shoved their nose in their business the most, and who got to pick where they went to for their dates. She missed it, but she could never have it back at this pace.

“Of course-“ Dan tries to comfort her, but she isn’t finished yet and instantly cuts him off, her mind running with thoughts of the past and the future she dreamed for them all stolen and slashed away from her.

“No, you fucking don’t, Dan, if you cared you would fucking be here.” She shoves him with her hand again, as he tries to pull her into a hug. “Stop it. Hugging me isn’t going to fix this, I’m so done Dan, we’re done.”

“Klara-“

“WE’RE DONE. I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” Klara shakes her head before thrusting the broom into Dan’s arms brushing past him and making a beeline for the bedroom. Dan watches stunned for a few moments before dropping the broom and chasing after her.

“Klara stop we can work this out. We can try harder, we can do this.” Dan looked hopeful and the naive motives behind his unjustified hope made Klara's stomach churn in anger and disgust. Try? This enraged her, she couldn’t fathom how he had the audacity to say such a thing to her as if she didn’t put in 110% of the work for their relationship. She held them up from collapsing, and her arms grew weak as the ceiling collapsed inwards on itself, the metaphorical bandaids coming apart.

“I fucking tried Dan, I try all the time. You’re being distant not me.” Klara retorts, letting her arms cross over her chest, glaring at him once again.

Dan nods, he knows she’s right he’s been distant for so long. “I’m sorry Klara, it’s just I wanted to protect you, I-“ Dan tried to reason with her, she took umbrage to his comment, protect her? She found that to be utter lies, he’s only doing this for himself. She throws her suitcase into the middle of the room before ripping the drawer of their dresser from the hinges starting to throw her t-shirts into the bag.

“Protect me from what Dan. Tell me now, or I swear to god I’m walking out that door as soon as their bag is packed.” She demanded, she sounded incensed and it scared Dan, he knew she was serious this time.

“Ava found a spell to save Noah from the curse,” Dan admits, all in a flash of two seconds Dan was back up against a wall, his eyes wide as Klara holds him against it. She snarls before talking.

“You’re trying to save the person who stabbed me in the stomach and almost killed us and our friends?” Her gaze was so intense Dan thought that alone might kill him tonight. She couldn’t begin to understand this how could Dan, let alone Ava of all people, to want to save the literal spawn of Satan from his deserved fate. “You’re going to reawaken a damned spirit to possibly kill all of us, who, let me remind you again, tried to kill us, and will most likely do so if the spell does not work?”

Dan refused to meet her gaze now, his eyes shifting to the ground before a groan fills the room and Klara’s back at the dresser ripping a new drawer and throwing her pants into the suitcase now. “Klara, we have to try.”

“No, we don’t!” She yells, her voice hoarse from shouting and yelling. “I’m not helping you do this. And neither is anyone else. Lily and Britney are getting married, Lucas and Andy finally moved in together, and what? You expect us to drop everything to save a demon from being a demon? Have you even told Stacy this stupid plan yet?”

“She told us not to bother her with it again,” Dan admitted.

“Exactly my point. You’re purposely putting us into harm’s way, and I won’t have any part in it. Protecting me, my ass.” Klara storms back to the dresser ripping the last drawer from its hinges and dumping the contents into her suitcase pushing it shut. “You have a lot of nerve to do this to us again.”

“I’m just trying to protect you, us, everyone. Can’t you see that?” Dan asks, he takes a few steps closer to her reaching out halfway for her. “Please, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I want to protect you, just trust me.”

“I won’t go to your memorial,” Klara growls, grabbing the handle of her suitcase, brushing past him again and out into the living room. She snatches her phone off the counter before tossing it into her purse and swinging it over her shoulder.

“Please, Klara, you have to trust us.” Dan pleads, putting himself in between her and the front door. “Don’t do this.”

“If you don’t move, I will move you myself.” Klara declares, standing tall staring down Dan who’s stomach drops witnessing her gaze. “Move.”

Dan complies, walking away from the door as she pulls it open shoving her suitcase out the door turning back to glance at Dan, who’s crying now. “Klara, Please.”

“I’m not going to watch you kill yourself Dan and I’m not going to die for you.” Her words heavy with glum as she watches the once love of her life fall apart at the seams. Obsessed with saving Noah, obsessed with solving this, obsessed with everything but her. She supported him through football, helped him get to the top of his class, watched him succeed win and thrive, all for him to throw it away over Redfield.

It pained her physically, her stomach dropping as she glanced at her lover one last time. She wipes at the tear rolling down her cheek. “Please Dan, don’t do this. If you change your mind come find me, alright.”

“Klara, I have to do this.”

“Then you’ve left me with no other choice. Goodbye, Dan. I hope you and Ava don’t die.” With that Klara lets the door close, watching the love of her life disappear behind a door. She refuses to move for a long time, watching, hoping, praying he’d change his mind, her arms wrapping uncomfortably around her.

Klara’s mind felt hazy all over again, standing outside her apartment door. The thought of breaking up with Dan killed her inside. The feeling of someone’s hand in her chest ripping and pulling her heart apart, she refused to give in to the pain run back inside and fall into Dan’s arms, love their night away together just for it to happen again, she couldn’t put herself through this anymore, she wouldn’t go back unless he came to her now. Her eyes watching the doorknob that would never turn or open to beg her to come back and be with Dan, it’ll never come.

It felt like hours for the fifteen minutes she stayed still watching the door, before grabbing the handle of her suitcase and leaving her building, her life, and love behind. The realization begins to settle into her soul as the tears roll down her cheeks silently cursing the world, fate, and more importantly Dan. She pulls her phone out of her purse dialing Stacy’s number, she knew Stacy would still be awake and had a spare room made up at all times.

“Hey, Klara, what’s up?”

“I left Dan. Can I come stay with you awhile.”

“You’re always welcomed here, Klara.”

[abstractanalogue]

Lexicon of Sound review & interview

As I was trying to listen to hypnagogia by Dublin’s Lexicon of Sound it struck me how revolutionary it is to be making ambient music these days. This is an album that has to be listened to without distractions, preferably on your own, on reasonable speakers and in a comfortable room. Not as I at first impatiently tried to do in the car rushing to work, changing back and forth to the latest news on Morning Ireland while skipping around the CD. Also, sadly for me not on the LOS Bandcamp page either as this entailed computer speakers and other pages open on my browser to pull my attention away. The world we live in is fast and we need to do a lot to keep up, to switch off (something I normally do in nature) is essential of course and this album offers you that chance too if you give it the time and respect it deserves.

hypnagogia is actually Colm Fitzpatrick's fifth album since he began to use this as a moniker in 2018. I've interviewed him below and I'm so glad I contacted him directly as I needed to get a sense of who the person is behind this very pure music. I had come across his music before but really this was just his bass playing in The Sewing Room. In fact I wrote a piece about them for AA here. I kind of knew he had been in Hey Paulette in the 1980s but this was really before my time. He has also been involved with Villa R and I Am The Waltons, two bands I'm actually not familiar with.

It seems like Lexicon of Sound is the music he has wanted to make his whole life and I'm very glad he has reached that goal. I want to incorporate a review into this piece so bear with me until you get to his own words (be sure to play the track from it above). 

Hypnagogia is the transitional state of consciousness between wakefulness and sleep which we are all familiar with, even though we might not know the term for it. One of my favourite acts Dopplereffekt have already used this as a release title so I did have an idea what the concept for the album might be. This in-between state very much makes sense (to me) on the brief opening 'The Omadon', which skews our musical expectations with its disjointed medley (from everyday life?) but reality is already behind us as 'Calling Mumba Devi' quickly envelopes us in its lush sound and we hear what might be a confused Japanese man on some kind of internal answering machine. 'Doctor Mesmer' brings us even further away from wakefulness, somewhere deep in space with tinges of Brian Eno, which is a great thing to have tinges of. A long time ago I read a book The Wizard from Vienna (1975) all about Dr. Mesmer and the hypnotic state he could put his patients in. I don't believe he was a charlatan, he just cured his patients the only way he knew how and came up with a theory that was false. 

By the time we reach the title track (the biggie at over 10 mins) it’s feeling much more oceanic and long enough to truly get lost in. 'All At Sea' might be my favourite track with it’s more optimistic rising tones. These long sustained notes hover eternally, this is the sound of forever. ‘Saint Agatha's Bells' is the only one for me that could pass as New Age but so what, play it when you next do some yoga and it will work a treat. It’s those damn Tibetan bowls, very hard to hear without thinking of a YouTube meditation video. 'Abdul's Android' is probably my second favourite and has an electronic Eastern sheen to it that sounds so modern. In a parallel universe or maybe even this one, it could be the theme tune to a future Bladerunner. 'Dark Paradise' is some kind of sinister step carefully moment just before you wake and another potentially good movie scene soundtrack. 'Exit 13' and we are almost out, a return to the confused Japanese man as guitar textures enter for the first time and it's a very beautiful thing indeed. Definitely an album for me to return to.

Where does your interest in ambient music come from?

It started in the early nineties when I was in my mid 20s. I have a terrible memory, but for some reason I have a good recollection of this. Hey Paulette had broken up a few years previously, and I was by that time playing with “I Am The Waltons” a grungy, loud alternative pop band. The singer in the band, Aiden, told me one of his favourite artists that he was listening to at the time was Harold Budd, who I had never heard of. He said I should check him out. I'm not sure how he figured I would like Harold’s music but he was right, I loved it. So it kind of grew from there. I started collecting Harold Budd’s albums and through his collaborations I discovered Brian Eno and started collecting his albums, you will see a pattern emerging here ! I moved on to Steve Roach, Tom Heasley (Ambient Trombone !)  Wendy Carlos and John Foxx amongst others. So I've been listening to that kind of music for close to 30 years I guess.

Do you miss writing in a more collaborative song based form as you did in Hey Paulette and The Sewing Room, which do you prefer?

No, I much prefer working alone. I have come to realise this over the years. When I was playing in bands all those years ago, I never thought of myself as a songwriter, and I never thought I would ever become one. The way it worked in all the bands I played in, was that the guitarist and the singer would write the songs, the rest of us (Drums, Bass, other guitarists etc) would add our piece to it, that's it. If it worked out and we all liked it we would keep it. On a rare occasion some songs would come to fruition from jamming, but it was rarely a productive way of songwriting for any of the bands I was in. Two notable exceptions to this were Drugfree from The Sewing Room, and also Fear of Parked Cars from I Am The Waltons, I remember these tracks being a true group effort.

You are already up to release number nine of LOS. Instrumental music can be tricky to edit and differentiate tracks from each other and have each album stand out.

I can get a bit defensive when people say I have released so much music in such a short time. Maybe I'm being a bit paranoid but I start thinking people are saying to themselves “It can’t be much good, he has released all this music in about one year !” and I worry that maybe they won’t take it seriously. But I'm very serious about my music. I'm usually a bit tongue in cheek about it when I talk about it on Facebook or Twitter, which does not help but that's just my personality I think. I guess this is a good opportunity to explain how I got to record and release so much music in apparently so little time. In 2017 I decided to convert my little attic in my house into a place to store my basses and gear etc. In this small house, there are myself, my wife Bernie and our son Joseph and all his toys, so space is at a premium ! By the start of 2018 I had the attic looking really good, Velux window in, wooden floor down, carpeted walls, mood lighting, nice laptop for recording, and the obligatory Persian rug. I said to myself this is a really cool little space where I can have all my gear set up permanently. 

In parallel to all this going on I knew I wanted to start writing and recording music again, I had been away from it for decades and I had a lot of ideas built up inside that I wanted to express, and building the studio only affirmed these feelings. Also going on at this time was the fact that I had taken a break from full time work, an opportunity came along and I grabbed it, it meant I had more free time on my hands. The fact that I had all my gear permanently set up now and I could escape to my little studio at any time I wanted, day or night was a real boon. All these events coming together let me be super productive and do it all at home for free. The kind of music I make lends itself to this kind of home setup, no drum kits, PA, or amps needed ! So from the Spring of 2018 I started working, and I found the ideas and sounds just flooded out, it was a great feeling. As I went along I learned more about the recording process and refined my workflow. Month by month I would buy more outboard gear, keyboards, guitars, effects etc to add to my arsenal of sound making equipment. It was in the summer of 2020 that I decided to put all I had done up to that time up on all the streaming platforms. My Nephew Daniel is a musician and he told me about Distrokid. It was a cheap, painless, easy way to get my music up on all the streaming platforms, so I went ahead and released the first 6 albums around June and July of 2020 I think. That was 2 years of solid work. I have done 1 Album and 2 EP’s since then over the last year. Lockdown has also helped in that regard.

What are you working from as a starting point with your albums/musical pieces, the sound itself or an idea? How do you know when you have strayed into 'New Age' territory or does that bother you?

It depends, sometimes I start with a word or phrase, sometimes an image, and sometimes a scenario. I think it's important to have some kind of a seed of an idea in your head before you start something new, otherwise you're wasting your time and you will flounder. I think to myself, what would this situation or place or feeling sound like ? Some of my albums are obviously thematic. Longwave came about because of my love of radio, especially AM radio. My eldest sisters used to tune in to Radio Luxembourg on a Grundig portable in the 1970s on a Friday or Saturday night while they were getting ready to go out. I remember it vividly. Later in the 80s and 90s it was my turn to tune in to BBC1 and John Peel via AM to listen to him playing Hey Paulette or The Sewing Room. The Lighthouse is another obviously thematic album stemming from my love of the sea and er…. Lighthouses ! I've always loved them and find them to be spiritual and magical places for me. If someone wants to call it New Age I don't care, I'm just happy they are listening to it.

Do you have plans to take Lexicon of Sound onto the live stage in the future?

This is a short answer, and that is no. I don't think ambient music or musical soundscapes translate well into the live environment. People will talk, go to the bar, make noise etc, it just would not work for me. I want people to hear my music in the best possible scenario, sitting down, listening to it on a CD, on a good pair of headphones. I suffer quite badly with anxiety also, so if I was to perform live any venue I would go to would not have enough toilet paper in stock to cope with my situation.

What are you using to generate your sounds, are there guitars in there? 

I try to make my sounds sound original and made from scratch, no sound I record is off the shelf. Yes, I have recently started using guitars, although I am by no means a guitarist. That is an area I have yet to venture into fully. I have 2 old 80s keyboards specifically chosen for their ease of use and the fact they also offer full control of the sound wave generated, all with real time control in the form of knobs and sliders, no scrolling through menus etc. For me, it needs to be simple and fast. The same goes for effects, I use high quality guitar pedals that offer studio quality sound but the interface needs to be fully manual, again knobs and sliders all the way, and the pedal is a perfect format for that. I have other sound generating tools in software format where you can quite radically alter any given sound or sample. I also have some other rather unusual sound generators in hardware form that are quite unique, which I have collected from boutique makers over recent years. Then I have my bass guitars of course which I rarely use actually, with the exception of tracks like Dark Paradise and Exit 13 where they are heavily effected but are the main instrument in the track.

How important is the physical format for music? What made you decide to release all LOS albums as CDs. 

The physical format is vital for me. An album is not released unless it's on CD or Vinyl as far as I'm concerned. I need to hold a physical object in my hand, and be able to look at it, keep it, and collect them.

What is next in the series/pipeline?

Next for me is a break from writing and recording to curate and promote my music. I will be releasing all albums and EP’s on CD over the next 18 months on my own label, Lighthouse Records, so that's an ongoing thing starting with this album (hypnagogia) I need to start promoting my music, getting more airplay, getting more album reviews and Interviews like this I guess. It's the one thing I have neglected up until now. I find myself looking abroad more often than not in that regard. I have always found the Irish music scene on the whole to be a bit incestuous, clicky and small to be brutally honest. I'm in the process of drawing up various kinds of lists of people and media outlets, radio stations etc around the world to send my music to. All of that is going to keep me very busy for a while. Then maybe next year, I'll start venturing up into my tiny attic studio again, and try to make some new sounds and paint a few more sonic landscapes that hopefully some people will enjoy.

You can sample and order Lexicon of Sound’s latest releases hypnagogia and Edge of the World EP and more on Bandcamp. Until 2022 he will gradually be releasing all of the LOS albums and EPs on CD on his own Lighthouse Records. Follow him on Twitter here.

[shirlleycoyle]

The Tamagotchi Cemetery

This article was originally published on Burials and Beyond. You can subscribe to the Burials and Beyond Patreon here.

“I thought it would be better for him here because I didn’t really want to reset him because it would be like a different thing and I was really close to him. I know that sounds stupid, but I was. But you can bury your pets and if you love something else, you can bury them as well.”

So said young mourner Danielle Perren in 1997.

Interring her pet into the beautiful farmland of Pontsmill, Cornwall, Danielle’s beloved friend was placed into a tiny wooden coffin and buried in a small square grave, there to rest in peace. Danielle’s grief was very real, but her pet? Not so much. That was a Tamagotchi.

In 1996, Japanese toy designers Aki Maita and Yokoi Akihiro debuted the first ever Tamagotchi. The tiny plastic case held the world’s first virtual pet, which, despite being a simple arrangement of pixels, required constant care and attention, lest the creature perish. Released by Bandai, the egg-shaped toy was one of the biggest fads of the 90s, maintaining a surprising popularity over the decades, with over 82 million units sold as of 2017.

The name itself is a portmanteau of two Japanese words; ‘tamago’, meaning ‘egg’ and ‘uotchi’, meaning watch. Considering the product is an egg shaped toy, the size of a watch…it seems to be pretty solid marketing.

​Image: ​​​Mathieu Polak/Sygma/ Sygma via Getty Images​

Those of us who were at school in the 90s will vividly recall a classroom of incessant bleeps and cries of ‘I’ve gotta feed ‘im’, before the eggs were promptly and unsurprisingly banned from schoolyards. From this grew a strange, rarely remembered, sideline in individuals who would take your Tamagotchi into daycare, feeding and washing them (via tiny button clicks) until you could return from school or work. As bizarre as it sounds, after recently discovering a pair of 25-year old Tamagotchi survivors, I believe nothing to be impossible.

The Tamagotchi interface is incredibly simple, with most utilising three buttons, which correspond to care functions of the creature. The pet, should it live that long, is designed to go through a basic life cycle of Baby, Child, Teenager and Adult (with later versions adding a hopeful Senior option). However, the majority of Tamagotchis had brief, fleeting lives before succumbing to death through a child’s negligence.

While many parents bought their offspring Tamagotchis as toys, others thought that a child taking responsibility for a digital creature would be an ideal pre-pet investment, to see if they were mature enough to understand the needs of another living thing. While this is an ideal moralistic exercise, what occurred in reality was a pocket of brief generational trauma where young children woke up to find that, after sleeping though muted midi cries of hunger at 3am, their new toy had perished overnight. You killed your first pet.

​Image: ​​​Mathieu Polak/Sygma/ Sygma via Getty Images​

This culpability for death is one of the strangest qualities in toy history; even the death of shoals of Sea Monkeys failed to elicit such a primal reaction of grief and blame from the very young. In the new world of portable digital pets, they were expected to entertain, but not truly die. This element of blame, guilt and finality was truly amped up in the early Japanese models where a ghost and headstone would meet the neglectful owner. In more recent English-language variants, this cemetery scene was substituted for an angel of death, or a cheery little UFO, popping in to take the Tamagotchi back to its home planet. Once you’ve inadvertently murdered your new pal, the game can be reset and you’re trusted with a strange egg baby once more.

The Tamagotchi in its many forms has never shied away from death, addressing the finality of existence in its cheery little game, but also in its genuinely bizarre cartoon.

In the ninth episode of the original tie-in anime, titled ‘The First Death’, several little creatures gather and weep inconsolably at the bedside of a dying Tamagotchi (Ginjirotchi),after a small yellow doctor with mouse ears (Mametchi) confirms death. Quickly, the soul of the deceased is surrounded by tiny little angels, who guide it to the pearly gates and Tamagotchi heaven, which is mainly pink clouds and sweets. Suddenly, the sweets disappear in a cruel trap and the Tamagotchi is tormented by little bat creatures with forks (Deviltchi), before being rescued once more and taken back into hyper-cute heaven where everyone sits down and has pudding together. The whole affair lasts a matter of minutes and is as brilliant as it is disconcerting.

I never owned a Tamagotchi in my 90s heyday, as my mother couldn’t afford the indulgence. Instead, I had a knock-off variant, a Giga Pet called ‘Compu Kitty’ from Woolworths, with which I was utterly chuffed. (I still have it to this day, unable to part with the luminous yellow crap plastic atrocity.)

I vividly remember crying when I woke up for school one morning and the pixelated cat had breathed its last. But one reset later, those tears dried, and after another six hours came another death. After that, the circle of life seemed rather less majestic and a more predictable cycle of button pushing and bleeps.

In 1996, a pet cemetery in Pontsmill, Cornwall was the first to diversify their interments and fence off a dedicated section for the burial of electronic pets. When CNN reported in 1997, they equated this very modern mourning with the established love that British people have of their traditional, breathing pets.

On January 17th 1997, two teenage girls were in Cornwall to bury their Tamagotchis, named Sid and Arty, two consoles never to be reset.

My first thought was very outdated parental shock, as Tamagotchi’s weren’t terribly cheap when they came out and to bury a brand new toy seems awfully wasteful. Taking another expensive trip to Argos wouldn’t have gone down too well in my household.

However, 14-year-old Danielle was strong in her resolve and placed the little plastic contraption into the earth. She was not alone in her beliefs either, as cemetery owner Terry Squires revealed that many international burials had been carried out in his Cornish field. Tamagotchis from as far afield as Switzerland, Germany, France, Canada and America had all been laid to rest in his pet cemetery, with many more on the way.

However, looking at Pontsmill today, there are no mentions to be found of deceased cyberpets, with the business promoting itself solely as a pet cemetery and green burial site for traditional human interments. I would be curious to know if the rudimentary headstones remain, or if the Tamagotchis and their mournful batteries were turned over or forgotten as many other crazes came and went.

For those who wanted to memorialise their Tamagotchis, but didn’t fancy burying the case in the garden, there were several online cemeteries and memorial sites for dead digital pets, where eulogies, ages and causes of death could be recorded in one enormous late 90s census.

Today, there are a handful of online Tamagotchi cemeteries still functioning, if long-abandoned. However, records of their digital death and memorials remain in sites such as Tama Talk’s Memorial page. These old GeoCities or Angelfire websites are framed in pixelated gifs and solemn MIDI music where you must adjust your eyes to decipher the spidery text against questionable repeated wallpaper. In these simple databases, names and brief epitaphs are recorded; some sincere, some dismissive and some simply odd:

Banjo – Cause of Death: Died taking the biggest crap you’ve ever seen.

Joe the Dinosaur – Cause of Death: Accidental Resetting.

‘My poor Joe. The first born. He had a good life and was taken care of very well It was unfortunate that his life had to come to such an abrupt end, whilst living in a jeans pocket. We shall all miss him very dearly.’

These eulogies and epitaphs are time capsules of young people’s first interactions with death and loss, where an essay can prove as impactful as an unplanned tumble into a bathtub. There’s a certain importance of a digital emotional connection in childhood that deserves to remain memorialised, and not lost to the ether.

The levels of emotional investment that we have with digital media, and computers in particular, has been tracked by researchers since the 1980s. Alan Turing said in his 1950 paper ‘Can Machines Think?’ that we can judge the intelligence of a computer by its performance in conversation with man. Namely, if the computer is able to convince the human subject that they are talking to a fellow human and not a machine, then human-equivalent intelligence can be determined. This test became known as the ‘Turing Test’ and is still studied and implemented today in experiments of navigating artificial technology, or the ability of ‘bots’ to mimic human interaction.

In the intervening decades, it has been noted that people attribute an increased level of personhood to a computer, not least in terms of pre-programmed gameplay. Therefore, if a Tamagotchi was able to incite very real joy and grief from its user or owner, it could be seen as the first great wave of artificial intelligence in the western world.

In more extreme contemporary circumstances, man’s relationship with digital games has snowballed. While in terms of toys, other digital pets like the Furby, Poo-Chi (which I did own briefly, but was swiftly broken by my portly, recently-divorced father screaming into its microphone on Christmas day. I’m over it. It’s fine.) or even NeoPets virtual pet community have not brought about the same primal love and devotion as the humble Tamagotchi. Perhaps it was the inevitability of death that separated our love for the Tama from its immortal digital counterparts.

However, interactions with digital gameplay appear to have moved in two separate directions; ambivalence and devotion.

Today, electronic games and pets are commonplace, providing no new emotional experiences for children who have grown up within the digital age, where entertainment can be accessed at the click of a button and nothing is finite.

On the other hand, there are instances of individuals such as a 27-year old Japanese man named Sal 9000 (the only name he would provide to the press), who was so emotionally invested in the DS Game ‘Love Plus’, decided to marry the main avatar in a lavish, if highly controversial ceremony in 2009. When questioned as to whether he could truly love a digital, pre-programmed woman, he explained that “I love this character, not a machine.” Going on to say that “I understand 100 percent that this is a game. I understand very well that I cannot marry her physically or legally.”

However, his preference for the digital, predictable and placid provoked far more discussion. Explaining that Nene Anegasakiwas better than a ‘real’ girlfriend, he listed her perks, stating that, “She doesn’t get angry if I’m late in replying to her. Well, she gets angry, but she forgives me quickly.”[1]

Sal is not alone in his preference and several others have followed in his stead, marrying digital characters in ceremonies across the world. In 2018, Japan hit the headlines again as 35-year-old school administrator Akihiko Kondo married the hologram of video game character, Hatsune Miku. Whether these marriages will last when the bride’s updates are discontinued is another matter, but our changing relationship with life, love, and death in the digital age is undeniable.

On which note, I’ll thank you for taking this strange journey with me and take my leave. My Compu Kitty needs feeding.

The Tamagotchi Cemetery syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[acourtofhopeanddreams]

The Scorpio Races Festival 2017

Rider Challenge #1: Capall Uisce

Rider: Charlie Miller Capall Uisce: Bud Wordcount: 1176 Triggerwarnings: mentions of disability, sadness, depression  Written for: @thescorpioracesfestival 2017 AO3 || WATTPAD

Some people hate the silence. They hate not talking. They hate not keeping a conversation going.

I love silence.

Because even silence is never truly silent. The silence is filled by the birds singing their last songs before they fly away to the warmer south. The silence is filled by the rolling waves, crashing on the rocks and the beach. The silence is filled by the wheezing of the cold October wind twirling around my head.

Hannah’s muscles are tensed and she squeezes her eyes while she stares at the shore.

I can’t hear her heart, but I know it’s racing in her chest, hammering against the ribs while she waits for the best friend she ever had and maybe will have.

Her cheeks are red, redder than I had ever seen them before, as if the cold is a foreign stranger with way too much power over her. Her cheeks are fuller than I remember them too. It seems that the food on the mainland is much better than anything mother and I could give her here on the isle. Life on the mainland seems to be much better than anything mother and I could give her here on the isle. She looks healthier, more alive, happier.

I let out a deep sigh. I’ve been listening to her stories about her last eleven months for hours, but I have not been able to tell her anything about mine. I’ve wasted eleven months of my life even though I had promised her not to do so. Somehow I have spent those eleven months waiting for her.

I don’t know why I have been waiting. I don’t know why I have thought that she would come back. I don’t know why I have believed that Daniel would leave her and that somehow she would miss the isle.

Hannah’s stories, the way her eyes glimmer when she describes the zoo, the people, even her job as a riding instructor at a riding school, prove how much the isle has always felt like a cave to her, how me taking care of her has always felt like a burden to her, how our mother’s worry have clearly held her back from everything she can do.

I should be happy for her. I should be thankful that she has met Daniel, that he has taken her to the mainland, that he has given her the life she has always wanted and dreamed of. But I’m not happy.

All my life Hannah has been everything I cared about. I’ve been carrying her around. I’ve been protecting her. I’ve been supporting her when no one else did. And now someone else has taken the one job, the one purpose in life I have ever had.

Yes, Hannah has asked me to come along. Yes, Hannah loved me more than I gave her credit for, but I couldn’t help feeling replaced, feeling pushed aside, feeling unneeded.

“Charlie! Look!” Hannah pushes herself up a little. Her blond hair, blown by the wind, is tied into a messy bun on the back of her head. “There are the first horses!” She curls her fingers around the hoops of her wheelchair.

The wheelchair is much more modern than the one she had when she left us. She has assured me that she had paid for it herself, but she also admitted that Daniel has given her the special wheels so she can use it on the beach. Another thing he could give her. Another thing she has always wanted. Another thing mother and I have not been able to afford.

I slowly stand up while Hannah is racing away from me. I want to yell that it’s dangerous. I want to yell that the horses can hurt her.

But she knows all that and she doesn’t need my advice. She probably would ignore my advice anyway.

I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket. While I follow Hannah to the shore I leave a trail of footsteps in the wet sand. I’m happy that she came back for this moment, I really am, but I’m surprised how different things between us feel, how all of a sudden I’m confronted with the fact that she’s more alive than I have ever been.

“It’s nice to be back here.” Hannah looks over her shoulder and her bright smile makes it impossible not to smile back at her. “Do you think Bud remembers us?” She cocks her head slightly and then she reaches for my hand. “Most people who catch a good horse never let it go…”

“He’ll be there, I’m sure about that.” I squeeze her hand.

Last year she promised me that she was not going to race again. But a lot has changed in the last eleven months. Maybe her promise has changed too.

“What are you gonna do when he finds you again?” I lick my lips. I don’t want to be the one to plant the idea of riding again in her mind, but if she is planning on participating in the most dangerous horse race in the world I want to know. I have the right to know.

“I don’t know.” Hannah shrugs her shoulders and I let out a relieved sigh. “Enjoying his company for as long as he stays?” She looks up at me and the rays of sunlight are reflected in her bright blue eyes. “Cuddle him until he has to leave again?”

I roll my eyes. “You make him sound like a puppy!” I shake my head. “It’s a capall uisce. I know that capall uisce has never done anything to hurt you, but even Bud is dangerous.” I remember all too well what Nate’s shoulder looked like after he had bullied my sister one time too many. I also remember vividly how that waterhorse had almost drowned my sister because she had refused to simply let him go.

“I know he’s not a…” She holds her breath and for a moment she can just stare at the brown horse that emerges from the sea.

His left hind has not recovered during the last eleven months, but as soon as he sees my sister he races towards her as if she’s the most important thing in the entire world, as if he has been counting down the days to this moment as much as she has.

I shake my head. For all my life it has always been me and her, together against the rest of the world. I’m not used to sharing her yet. I’m not used to sharing her with Daniel, who has been kind enough to mumble something about buying some postcards before leaving us alone. And I’m not used to sharing her with Bud, who has changed her life for the better by simply being a horse no one wanted to have, no one even looked at.

Moving on from our shared life was simple for her. She has Bud. She has Daniel.

I have no one. How can I ever move on?

[theherblifeblog]

New Year Book Club; 20 books to Inspire

By Leighana Martindale

I have had quite the book obsession lately, as my Grandma would joke, “Do you know what they call me? — a bibliophile”, which means lover of books. But seriously, I have been spending way too many books lately, I justify it in my mind because reading is great for your mind, I love learning and many of the books I read have helped me grow. That and Powell’s Books is fucking amazing, right by my house, and honestly has the best pricing I’ve ever seen! For those of you who aren’t familiar with Powell’s, it is the worlds largest independent bookstore and literally takes up an entire city block. If you’re ever in Portland, it’s my number one recommendation.

As a bibliophile, I have a long list of books I would recommend and an even larger list of ones I want to read. So here is a list of books that inspired me to write the 2020 Health Series as well as books I am interested in reading this year to continue the healing!

Imperfect Spirituality

Polly Campbell

This book is beyond eye-opening and heart-changing in a number of ways. Hitting hard on how the ego is afraid of imperfection, making us fearful of it. But when we act from fear, we can make disastrous and harmful decisions, even if we don’t mean for them to be. Perfection is unattainable, and in the words of Polly Campbell herself:

“When we stick to a narrow path and the perspective that there is only one right way of doing things, we miss out on the wisdom and opportunities we need and crave to grow and live a purposeful life.”

Where to Begin

Cleo Wade

This book of poetry is an inspiring one you’ll want to reread over and over. Cleo Wade has a way with words and her many poems, notes, and stories throughout this book make you feel warm inside, especially with this cold and gloomy winter.

“Baby you are the strongest flower that ever grew. Remember that when the weather changes.” Cleo Wade

Women Who Run with Wolves

Clarissa Pikola Estés

Honestly, this is my bible. I have read and reread this book front to back and back to front. The tales that Dr. Estées vividly shares in this book carry a weight of importance and guidance for the reader. Often diving into the depths of the psyche and archetypes. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has never read.

Witches Sluts Feminists

Kristen J. Sollee

Get ready to get pissed off. But in the most informing and liberating way. This book should also come with a TRIGGER WARNING. I generally do not get triggered when reading, but this got me. I recommend taking it slow, chapter by chapter. And if you need to stop and digest, stop! I know I had to put down the book a lot because I would be like WTF?, but again, SO INFORMATIVE and really reshaped the way I think about certain things.

The Desire Map

Danielle LaPorte

This book is one I have read through, just picked up in a random spot and restarted over and over. The Desire Map helps you define your core desires, core beliefs, and core desires. This book is a true guide to creating goals with soul’. If you do purchase this book, I would recommend not writing in the workbook section and instead of using a journal. I bought this book for myself about 5 years ago and still redo the workshops to this day. It’s nice to leave blank for a restart.

Emergent Strategy

Adrienne Maree Brown

Change is constant and when you resist change, you create your own suffering. While accepting certain things and trying to move through them is easier said than done, Emergent Strategy is a ‘radical self-help, society-help, and planet-help’ book that helps us adapt and shape change.

A Girl’s Guide to Joining the Resistance

Emma Gray

Published two years post-Trump [p.s.: when I type ‘fuck’ into my phone, my autocorrect changes is to ‘fucktrump’ because I’ve said that so many times. Just a happy quirk to brighten your day] this book starts with the horrors of what that fucker was able to accomplish in his first few months. But more importantly! This book goes into details of what YOU can do, how we can resist and continue to fight for what is right, what is moral, and for the change we demand to see.

Small Doses

Amanda Seales

Comedian, writer, actress, and quite frankly political activist, Amanda lays it the fuck out in this book and it is a must read. This book is full of essays, illustrations, authenticity, and inherent truths empowering readers to find their own truth and grow!

Profit over People

Noam Chomsky

Noam Chomsky is known as “the father of modern linguistics” and a major philosopher. He was an outspoken opponent to the U.S. and Vietnam War, and known for his overall antiwar stance and activism.

This book, People Over Profit, discusses neoliberalism and global order, discussing the root of the crisis and tracing the history of neoliberalism. Chomsky exposes the increasing interference by the private sector in global affairs and highlights movements of resistance.

Terrorizing the Neighborhood

Noam Chomsky

Another Chomsky book, Terrorizing the Neighborhood dives into American Foreign Policy in the post cold war era. Tracing the origins, goals, and implications of the US foreign policy in the years following World War II.

Wild Creative

Tami Lynn Kent

This book is all about tapping into and igniting that passion and potential with all your relationship, whether it be work, home, or life. We all hold the creative power and have the opportunity to truly flow with it. Tami truly helps you tap into this and tap into your power.

Awakening to the Spirit World

Sandra Ingerman & Hank Wessleman

Ever been curious about Shamans and their spiritual practices, traditions, and journeys? This book is for you then! Exactly as the title says this book dives into the Spirit World and the techniques you can use to tap into that part of your being.

Evolution of Goddess

Emma Mildon

This book is a mixture of spirituality and activism, calling it spiritual activism. I have only scratched the surface of this book and can already tell it is going to be perspective-altering. I would highly recommend this one if you are into both spirituality and activism.

How to Start a Revolution

Lauren Duca

This is one on my list, Lauren Duca writes a funny yet important guide on challenging the status quo. She also sends a reminder that we (looking at you too generation Z) are the people who WILL change the world.

Well, That Escalated Quickly

Franchesca Ramsey

This book is full of essays, memoirs, and mistakes of an accidental activist and comedian - exploring “race, identity, online activism, and the downfall of real communication in the age of social media rants, trolls, and call-out wars”

Burn it Down; Women Writing About Anger

Lilly Dancyger

One that I really want to get this year, Burn It Down is a collection of essays from 22 ferocious women and how anger has shaped their lives. In world where women are expected to be compliant these 22 women are taking authority, demanding a seat at the table, and are willing to share their stories with us to inspire.

I Am Malala

Christina Lamb & Malala Yousafzai

Malala Yousafzai is probably one of the biggest badasses on this entire planet and yet she is so damn humble! If you do not know the story or even if you do, get this book, support this woman! Malala was 10 when the Taliban took over her home, Swat Valley in Pakistan. When they said girls couldn’t go to school, Malala spoke out and the Taliban found her and gunned her down. After a bullet in the head, she didn’t stop, she didn’t back down, and she doesn’t even hate them!! No wonder she was the youngest person ever to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.

Heart Talk

Cleo Wade

A book of poetry, illustrations and beautiful stories. Cleo has been called “the Millennial Oprah” by New York Magazine and I couldn’t agree more! Her words are so beautiful, empowering and inspiring. This book focuses on poetic wisdom for a better life.

Feminasty

Erin Gibson

Witty, highly educational, and absolutely no fucks given in regards to Mike Pence, this book is a must fucking read! If you are pissed off about ‘the man’ or the system, but you’re looking to educate yourself and know your shit about issues, this is it. While it may not look like the most factual book, Erin Gibson really did her research and lays it out in easy to read laughable segments.

Becoming
 

Michelle Obama

A must-read for all the obvious reasons like how fucking much of a boss babe Michelle Obama is! Please run for President!! ...but seriously.

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Boy do I have a rant for you today. 

This has been bugging me for months now. Yes, okay apparently I am always with a boyfriend and no one has really seen me single and let me tell you something, that is not a bad thing. At least not for me. 

People around me, I can feel them judging me. 

I can’t remember the timeline correctly but let me try to: 

My first boyfriend was an old friend, Farez. I think I was 13 and he was 16. Lasted 3 months tops? Didn’t feel like it was a heartbreak when it ended. We never met in person. We just talked over the internet. I was in Oman, he was in Malaysia. Big LOL @ my life. I dumped him because my mum made me. Wasn’t a big deal. He taught me how to love. Or so I thought I knew what love was. 

Second boyfriend I think was my first kiss. Wasn’t really a boyfriend, more like “we went out” kinda thing at school, I was 13. He was in the same year as me. Alex. Went out for like...2 weeks? It was weird. I think we just stopped talking and just got the idea that we weren’t together anymore. He taught me how to be spontaneous. 

Third was Rolf. This guy, I remember really well how smitten I was over this guy. He was your classic emo kid who listened to screamo and has fun in mosh pits and that time, hahah, it was the phase. Ah the memories. I was 14. It didn’t last long but we were high school sweethearts. For that one year I was in that boarding school. Lasted 7 months. It was good memories. I dumped him after, can’t remember why. He taught me to rebel for my own wants and needs. 

Fourth... I think was Hazril. I was 15. It lasted maybe half a year? This was when I moved back to Malaysia. Or during. I can’t remember. I would usually say he was my first boyfriend. He was a first proper one. He used to pick me up after school and drive me home (in secret) and that was pretty much it to be honest. He was very nice, too nice in my opinion. I vividly remember breaking up with him over text messages. He was waiting for his flight to Indonesia. Boys trip. And I dumped him right there and then. I think he still hates me now. We met a few years later, I was 18 and I apologised to him, he wanted me back, I said no and we parted. I think he hates me more after that. He taught me the meaning of being compassionate and putting others first before myself. 

Fifth, right after that I think that is when I started enjoying being in love. It was the rush of it, getting over Hazril was easy when the fun of getting to know someone else is there. I was 17 and there was Syazneil. It was really brief with him. He was the boyfriend that really sparked the music in me. He showed me how to play the guitar. I broke up with him. I think it was through like a written note. It was cheesy. He wrote me a note and I replied back heartlessly and he was broken I’m sure. He taught me how to be creative.

Mind you I’ve probably left 2-3 insignificant brief relationships out because I really cannot remember them. It was most likely over the phone, never met them so they probably don’t count.

Sixth was Ihtisham. This one, I think I can say he was my first heartbreak. He was my first...first. I had just turned 18 and he was 20. I had just started college and I was going through a culture shock most probably. I wanted to do anything and everything at once. It was my first taste of freedom and I think, I was a little too immature for him. I wouldn’t say we rushed it, but I think we did. After a while we realised we were too different. I didn’t want to accept that. I wanted to try but he didn’t. He left me and I was broken. I remember the heartbreak but getting over him wasn’t too hard. He taught me how to be patient when it comes to falling in love. 

Daniel, he was my seventh. Daniel..haha. You can say that he had quite an impact on my life. This was a few months after Tisham. At this point, I was already in that “I’m so done with relationships” phase and everyone at the time was doing this thing called friends with benefits. I met Dan through some college friends. At first we were just kids lepaking at MJ smoking shisha every night. I had known that some of the boys had a crush on me but I brushed it off. I then got closer and closer with the boys, mainly Edmond, Pravin, Lalit, Aaron and Dan. They were my boys. I was one of the boys. I loved it. They didn’t treat me like a girl, they treated me like one of them. One night we were playing poker at Pravin’s and I just felt closer and closer to Dan and things just went off from there. We were keeping it on the down low for quite some time. In the end, we just naturally became a couple. We didn’t declare it, or say it out loud. People just knew we were together. People loved us together. Everyone did. But of course we had a lot more underlying problems, one main problem being the difference in faith. He knew his family wouldn’t be okay with him dating a Malay girl and I knew my family isn’t so keen on an Indian boy either, so no matter how public we went, we always felt like that was it. Daniel was more like my best friend than boyfriend to be honest. We went on crazy adventures together, did some illegal shit.. It was a fun year and a half. We broke up because we always knew we were going to. There was no way we were ever going to end up together. We broke up when I left for New Zealand. It hurt a lot getting over Daniel. I lost my best friend. He taught me the importance of friendship within a relationship.

My eighth boyfriend..this was recent. Te Rangiirunga. My longest relationship ever. 3 years. This is heavy. I hate to admit this but this guy, I gave him everything I had. Put in everything I can into this relationship. It started off very promising. I’m not sure what was it. It wasn’t rebound or anything. It was a good 6-7 months after I had broken up with Dan. Everything happened so fast with T. Next minute I find myself spending so much time at his. Everyday. I think..it changed after the first time I left New Zealand to go back to Malaysia. He couldn’t handle me being away, he couldn’t handle being alone. He was a wreck. Because of that, he met up with his ex girlfriend. The one that left him broken- I assume. We never talked about anything personal (and I’m sure I was his rebound). The worst thing is that I found out months later. She texted him at 4 am. I read it- not proud of it but my instinct was telling me something was up. It broke me. They were texting when I was away. He had sent a photo of a scenery late at night, and wrote- god I can still remember the words: “Just here alone with this view. Would be better if you joined me”. I kept that quiet. Fuck knows why I was so scared of losing him. He had brought me back to his family, friends, the whole world knew we were fucking committed. I thought, that was my sure thing. I left that alone. But no, my recovery from that did not go well. I was hit with anxiety attacks. Heavy breathing, panic attacks in the middle of the night, and constant fear that everything he has said or is saying to me are all lies. He knew he was wrong, he felt guilty, so he helped me through it. I had lost all confidence by then. I lost a part of me that I am now trying to gain back. I lost my friendliness, I lost some of my social skills..I don’t even know how to talk to people sometimes. He really broke me that time. I notice sometimes, I can’t even look at people straight in the eyes when I talk to them. I get so fucking scared, or idk intimidated. I’ve never had anyone broken my trust like that, ever. Still I stayed. Love makes you do crazy things. I made excuses for him. I thought of his family, how our future might look good. So the next thing I know.. we moved in together. We thought, hey maybe moving in together will fix things. We’re going to be better. We’re going to be attracted to one another again. Empty promises. I left for Malaysia again, this time full of worries. I was traumatised. I didn’t go back at all the whole year before because I was scared to leave him alone. I had neglected my family for this guy. For the sake of a mistrust. I had to go back, I hadn’t been back in a year. I thought okay, we are living together, things should be fine. Nope. He go so depressed that I was away, wasted all his money on weed so he could feel numb and missed going to work. He lied to me about going to work. He would fake getting up in the morning and lie to me about it. I came back to a trashed house, unkept, dirty, messy. I caught him lying when he faked going to work and came back and said they didn’t need him at work. My instinct told me to check his last calls and no one had called him. Last call was me, the night before. I gave him another chance to explain, before telling him what I knew. I said if he’s lying, chances are I already know. He admitted. To lying about EVERYTHING. About working, about not having any money left in his account and has a debt with the bank for up to $2000. I helped him. I was working as a bartender, I was getting allowance from my parents. I helped him. I paid for the rent, bills, food and everything else. Even his stupid gaming tournament every week. I would let him take my card and swipe away. Love makes us do stupid things. I still hadn’t seen how much of a bum he was. I blamed myself. I thought, this happened because of me. Because I left him alone. He was a liar and I accepted that flaw. Lease for the apartment ended. We made a decision to live with other people. It was the best thing for us. But somehow because he forgot to add his name on the lease for a house with his friends, we took him in. That’s the thing, I was always doing things for him, he never had to lift a finger. I was the one reminding him to do shit. He couldn’t stand on his own without me. New house, new environment. We thought, we’re living with other people, we’ll be better. We are going to be better. I had spent so much money trying to make that house feel like home. Make our room feel like home. Again, my mistake for taking charge of things. He depended so much on that. It became worse. Our fights had worsen, sex life was down the drain, my confidence- was way worse than before..everything was shit. I tried, I kept trying. But it was impossible trying to lift someone who would not lift themselves. Everyone around us were telling him how lucky he was to have me. Everyone were telling him to treat me right. No one knew what was happening. He took the credit of “treating me right” just like that. People saw us happy and he went along with that. He knew I was unhappy and he just left it at there. Before I left to Malaysia, I cried a lot to him. I told him I’m scared this might be the last time I saw him. He brushed it off. Little did we know it was the last time I ever saw each other. We were in the midst of breaking up and we had agreed on breaking up. The whole time I was in Malaysia, he wouldn’t video call me, chat to me, or try to communicate. He said he doesn’t want to get sad talking to me so he avoids me. Then I got deported from New Zealand and things went downhill pretty quickly from that. The break up was...easy. I felt relieved. I didn’t have to deal with the break up. It felt like that. I ran away. I know and I still feel guilty as fuck whenever I think about how he would have felt after finding out I’m not coming home ever. But in a way, good. He never knew what he had. Took advantage of me and my love. I don’t regret a thing. Other than cheating on him, I could have done it the proper way. I just didn’t trust myself to be strong enough to leave him. We broke up just like that. His family, gone. Just like that. He taught me the importance of communication.

My ninth, hopefully, my last is Hadi. We met in the most unexpected way but somehow we just knew we were meant to meet each other. We met instantly after T and I had broken up. I’m not sure when our break up was finalised but I knew we were over as soon as I left New Zealand. I wouldn’t ever in my life dive straight into another relationship while still freshly broken up. But Hadi.. I just could not miss that chance. God knows why, I asked myself this all the time when I had just met him. He changed my life. He is everything I have been looking for. I just know that he is made for me and to miss that once in a lifetime chance..I would be stupid. I live to love, and I love to love. I’m not the type to choose materialistic values, ego or pride over love. I don’t care if it’s too fast, love knows no time. So I jumped and no, I do not regret that decision at all. In fact, it is the BEST decision I have ever made. I am having the time of my life. I have never felt so free. I’ve never before felt like I had a chance with anyone I was dating. Never felt so promised and hopeful before. With Hadi.. he is perfect in every way for me. His flaws? They aren’t even flaws in comparison to the flaws I had to deal with before. I’ve never felt so willing to deal with anyone’s flaws before. With this man, all I want to do is make his day brighter, his smile permanent and his heart at ease. I would drop down to my knees for this man. I can comfortably and out loud with proud say that this man, is the first MAN in my life. All the rest? They’re boys. This man taught me the meaning of life and is still teaching me a lot more.

So yeah, my friends- they tell me all this bullshit about being single and growing on our own before meeting a man..to me yea that’s bullshit. That’s just another way of saying “I am scared of love”. I am not scared of love and with the right person, I can grow myself into a better woman. What would have happened if I had waited a good 6-12 months before dating? I would have still been caught up on my ex, waiting to get over him. Why waste all that time when there’s an opportunity at healing, and being in love again knocking at my door? If this new lover is willing to help me heal myself and let me grow in my own ways while also having lots of fun, I think that is the healthiest idea! I am truly blessed to have found someone that helped me that way. I realise not many people are lucky to be in my situation so I just sit back and let them say what they want to say about me. They don’t know what I’ve been through or how I look at life. They can stay stuck in their own bitter ways, I’m having fun moving forward :)