#fragments of insanity

[onlyhurtforaminute]

NECRODEATH-CHOOSE YOUR DEATH

[humanculi]

"Fragments of Insanity" by Gaudium.

[meowsticmarvels]

one of the most insane things about carlos is like. based on how you are introduced to him in ztd you think he's gonna be the most normal character in the game especially when teamed with AKANE and JUNPEI of all people. and he is the hero type main character archetype guy. but then you play suspicion where he literally kills himself with an axe because he's worried about being dangerous to others (? Is he okay actually. What the fuck). and then there's also get back/apocalypse where he waits 10 fucking months for akane and junpei to save them instead of stopping zero at all. What is wrong with him

[artheresy]

I can’t stay quiet about this, I need to scream it to SOMEBODY ANYBODYYY

Dan Heng and Blade were Dan Feng and Yingxing. “Dh and Bld are Df and Yx!” Nope, their current selves aren’t them, that lacks nuance. “Dh and Bld aren’t Df and Yx!” THAT ALSO LACKS NUANCEE they are still connected and fundamentally shaped by their past identities, they aren’t entirely separate from them while also still being separate in a way. The best way I can describe it is like a venn diagram, there is overlap, but there also are still areas where they don’t.

To expand more, I wanna talk about the way they foil each other a bit in this sense. For Dan Heng, even if he is a botched rebirth, simply a “de-aged Dan Feng” not fully reborn, he is still not Dan Feng. While Dan Feng has made up the basis of his personality and he accepts him as his past, I think we forget that Dan Heng had his own entire childhood after the molting rebirth was completed. One he spent imprisoned by the Ten Lords Commission, and then he was exiled when he was old enough leading to his whole journey until he became apart of the Astral Express crew etc etc. Dan Heng is made up of a basis of Dan Feng + All of his own memories and experiences. While he shares traits with Dan Feng such as personality aspects like his stubbornness, his technique with a spear, and being able to connect with his old items, he also is very much himself with his own outlook and traits shaped by what he’s learned rather than what he has been born with. To treat him as if he is Dan Feng exactly is a disservice to both of their characters and the greater narrative that they apart of. He may still carry the burdens and karma of Dan Feng, but Dan Heng is still making his own future.

Now, Blade. Blade similarly is not Yingxing, not completely. Though he accepts Yingxing’s sin as his own and is intent of repaying the sin of Dan Feng and Yingxing (and getting Dan Heng to repay it too), there still are distinctions between him and Yingxing. In fact, I’d argue there are more things separating them. I could talk for so long again about the layered use of craftsmanship to connect, or rather disconnect, the two identities of Blade and Yingxing, but there’s more than that. “Now, ██ had died. His first — and only — death.” “From this moment on, that body will be the one and only "Blade."” Although Blade was Yingxing, a disconnect exists between them through the death of Yingxing. He awoke with no memories of his past, no even his name, until Jingliu came along, instilled in him her ideologies, made him remember, not only his past sins but the feeling of death so that he might inflict it onto others. As she said, he was reborn and had even given himself a name…

I want to add that the specific ways in which their current identities exist in proximity to their past ones foil each other. As I said, Dan Heng, in part as his sabotaged rebirth, is built upon the foundation of Dan Feng and all of his own experiences and memories. He has the capacity to gain back more memories of Dan Feng as his DH IL character stories outline, and though he is still himself and still moves forward, we see him accept his relation to Dan Feng eventually. Though that past life of his is clouded by fog and mist, he may eventually be able to push away the clouds that block him and understand more, about Dan Feng and in turn about himself. With Blade, it is so heavily emphasized in game from his relic lore to the very sword he uses that his mind is essentially broken, due both in part to the trauma of Jingliu’s “teachings” and the mara that was brought on by those lessons. He can’t fully remember everything about Yingxing, in fact actively remembering such or seeing familiar things is harmful to him. Like his shard sword, he is made of broken pieces, put together in a way that can never erase the cracks, and continuously shattering before being glued together again. His life is shaped by Yingxing’s past, the trauma he has endured is directly caused by his past actions. Unlike Dan Heng, he hasn’t had this whole life to build up and live. Though he’s experienced new things, they don’t shape him and change him in the way that Dan Heng’s built his identity up.

Where Dan Heng basically has supplements to Dan Feng’s identity that make him who he is, Blade is the broken shards and pieces of Yingxing that weren’t lost to the waves, making him who he is. Dan Heng is a next chance, finally free from the Preceptors’ control and of the role that stripped his past selves of their individuality, meanwhile Blade is the husk left behind of Yingxing’s regrets, broken by trauma caused due to Yingxing’s past actions, forever tormented by his past until he inevitably is able to die. If Dan Heng is more than just Dan Feng which is why he is separate but intertwined with him, than Blade is less than Yingxing, in a way that has caused such a severe disconnect that has caused Blade to have his own identity still shaped. And looking at this, not to again bring up my craftsmanship post about Blade, Dan Heng can connect to Dan Feng. He can clear the fog, remembering his memories through dreams even if he can’t fully connect emotionally to him, and he finds sentiment in many of items that once were his, smth not many Vidyadhara actually are capable of doing. To contrast, Blade is forever separated from connecting completely to Yingxing’s identity. His memories will always be fragmented, his own path entirely changed. He can’t connect to Yingxing’s past goals and passions, seen through the distinct decision made in his character stories to talk about how he can no longer use his hands to forge weapons (something that completely defined Yingxing’s life and legacy, tied to his childhood trauma and hatred of the Abundance, something that became his genuine passion), and how none of that mattered to Blade.

All of this, the ways they foil each other and the separation between their past selves and current, just makes me love their dynamic and their lore a lot. Makes me want to cry most days of my life if I’m honest. And it’s part of why I do take issue with the way nuance has completely left this argument, only having two extremes of “Dan Heng is Dan Feng!” Or “Dan Heng isn’t Dan Heng!” Again… Dan Heng WAS Dan Feng, he wouldn’t be Dan Heng without Dan Feng, but he is still himself. That’s part of the tragedy between them. They are still fundamentally defined and shaped by their past selves, similarities able to be spotted if they can be remembered, but they’ve also experienced so much that has changed them, and they can never truly go back to being Dan Feng and Yingxing. It would never be fully the same again.

[midnightdemonhunter]

Fantasy high junior year....save me fantasy high junior year.....

[akimojo]

HHHHHGHHHHGH OH MY GODDD serah having actual ptsd symptoms after everything that happened.... I'm gonna punch a hole through my wall brb

[cubbihue]

i am increasing my productivity immensely.

i have 2 separate bulletin boards for every ask i receive, sorted into answering order, color coded per character and a google docs plotting out big story beats and a discord spam dump for sudden spur ideas and connecting dots AND NOW!!!!!

IVE GOT A WHOLE FILE ON MY LAPTOP TO SHOW THE ORDER OF ASKS PER PLOT LINE!!!! ALL COLOR CODED FOR RELEVANCE TO PLOT OR LORE OR WORLDBUILDING WITH ANNOTATIONS

I AM UNSTOPPABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[front-facing-pokemon]

[maxphilippa]

shattered glass am i right

[sfsolstice]

Henry Miller, in a letter to Anaïs Nin, d. March 4, 1932, from A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin & Henry Miller, 1932-1953

[thisisntreaver]

Thinking about Reaver, her, and how she effects his relationships.

Like Reaver can and does bed anyone willing, he barely remembers them, he has no qualms about hurting people and fidelity isn't part of his skill set.

But I feel like he would likely have some sort of faithfulness to her. She clearly haunts him, he hasn't forgiven himself for what her death, he misses her but refuses to admit it because that part of him is meant to be dead.

Which leads me too my point, I think very rarely, he finds partners that remind him of her. Be it in looks or mannerisms, he finds them and he clings. He'll never be as loyal to them as with her because for as much as they're like her they're so different. Too different for him to be entirely loyal too, too alike for him to discard as easily as he'd like.

He may not even realize it, a subconscious part of him that looks for her, is desperate to find her desite her being long dead and grabs onto it as firecly as it can. He can never actually have her again but he'll take the scraps, he'll pretend shes who he's laying with, who he holds. But its not, it won't be and its his own fault.

[nights-at-crystarium]

HIIIIIII YES I read all the tags!!

My hc is that his body doesn't grow/change almost at all due to the merge with the Tower, a different sort of a stasis from the one he used to skip 200 years. (Thematically fitting with the umbral aspect, heh). That'd explain how he retains his impressive musculature as a staff user who spends a lot of time poring over the books or simply talking to people.

Small exception: his hair and nails still grow at a glacial pace. Had they stopped, they'd end up in a horrible worn-out state a mere few years later, and, luckily, this doesn't seem to be the case.

I just like to objectify him okay o/////o He stopped being human when he made himself one with the Tower, he doesn't need sleep or food, his body's one of a kind thing that defies logic and enables thirst so I say it gives us the right to build whatever unhinged hcs we like.

Bonus: some of my visual refs for his crystal :> One thing that I fully dismiss on the ingame model, it should and must be as shiny and pretty as possible.

[moonmerkee]

[riacte]

Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there

Down the stairs, I was there, I was there

Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there

It was rare, you remember it all too well.

-

Still thinking about how Martyn said his character was made more selfish after Ren died. And the entirety of Limited Life Martyn in general. They’re soooooo

[simikae]

here are the upper floor cap’ns for day 7 (personality)! what better way to show your personality than thru ur preferred ego cards. get better soon btw.

[crimsongrimoire]

glad my Vibe Assessment was kinda sorta accurate