#found out that a lot of people call these christmas tree tails and now i’m sobbing

[comfymoth]

cellbit and bagi…….. but like……… baby kittens

[initiala]

Oh hai.

It's not dead or abandoned! Remember how I started this for @cssns​ 2018???? Just, y'know, life happening, and also several global catastrophes. But it turns out that writer's block is really cured by procrastination, which is why I was able to finally figure out some spots I was stuck on while not packing up my apartment to move.

Please enjoy this overly delayed post-wedding fluff and smut.

Also on AO3 and FF.Net

______________

The holidays weren’t really something she paid attention to, not after her parents died. Her mother had loved any excuse to have a party and Emma had grown up with the nondenominational trappings of Christmas in their house, but the tradition had died with Snow and David when she was sixteen. She normally spent the last week of December pulling extra shifts at work, covering for people who had families and wanted the extra time off, and never had a second thought about it. The Pack had their own holidays, particularly around the solstices, but nothing compared to the warm, colorful parties of her childhood -- and frankly, nothing ever would. 

So when their short honeymoon fell over Christmas Eve and Day, Emma didn’t think anything of it. Killian made no indication that he celebrated it, and when they returned home on Boxing Day it was to a chilly apartment without any of the decorations that dotted the windows up and down their street. She turned up the heat a little while Killian took their bags back to the bedroom to be sorted out, and she double-checked the windows were locked tight while turning on a few lights in the living room.

The colorful twinkle outside meshed with the light snowfall in a way that made her heart twist painfully in her chest, a flash of her mother’s laughter ringing in her ears and a brief memory of her father cornering her mother under the mistletoe. Her thumb went to the band on her finger, a lump forming in her throat, and she remembered why she normally worked herself to the bone this time of year.

Work was a distraction from missing them.

“Emma?”

She whipped the curtains shut to put an extra layer between the cold glass and the warming room, between herself and her memories, and turned to face her husband as he came into the room. “Love, what’s wrong?” She shook her head, but his large hand engulfed her own as it went to discreetly wipe at her eyes. “Darling, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten this but I can smell when you’re sad,” he said, his voice soft as he pulled her into his embrace. “We’ve been home five minutes, you can talk to me.”

Fuck, she hated talking about her feelings and her parents and particularly her feelings about her parents. But she’d promised -- she’d vowed -- that she’d be more open and honest with him, and she was fairly sure he wouldn’t be able to get lucky and guess what all of this was about. She hadn’t told him enough about her parents to let him put all of the pieces together. “I just… I miss my parents,” she said softly, and let him hold her as he made a sympathetic noise and murmured soothing things in her ear. “Mom really loved this time of year. She threw the best parties, one year she actually got fairies to make it snow inside and me and the other kids had a snowball fight. She loved the colors and the whole family thing and she really loved the smell of pine trees -- it kind of gave my dad a headache. But we made it work because Dad always said how it put an extra sparkle in Mom’s eye and he loved her enough to put up with it. I normally try to work a lot through this time of year, everyone wants extra time off, but I was kind of hoping this year we could have some new memories to make this time of year less sad. And it helped, it really did, but then I just saw the lights outside and the snow and it just… it hit me a little harder because I’ve been trying so hard not to think about them. So I miss my parents and I’m sorry this time of year is going to suck no matter what and--”

Killian shushed her softly and she realized she was crying as he thumbed the tears from her cheeks. “You don’t have to be sorry,” he said. “If I’d known… well, I don’t know what I would have done. I can’t blindfold you everywhere -- well, I could, but not in the fun way --” He grinned as she swatted him on the chest. “So testy, my love. You don’t have to be sorry about missing your parents. You just need to let me know, so I can comfort you or let you sit and mourn them in peace, or drive you to distraction. And if I need to do so more this time of year, well, let it be my burden to bear. You don’t have to bear this alone, Emma, you can always rely on me.”

And didn’t that just make her get teary all over again? “How the hell do you always know the right thing to say?” she asked, burying her face in his chest.

“Because I’m magic,” he rumbled under her and she pinched his side. “And we’re too alike, you know. Now, what do you need?”

She sniffled and took a breath, taking mental stock. They really needed to unpack and get everything sorted out for laundry, but while that would keep her hands busy her mind would wander and she really didn’t want to keep thinking about the past. But she knew that leaving everything until tomorrow or the next day would bother Killian; she didn’t want to be alone right now, either. “Can we bring the bags back out here and watch TV while we unpack? I know you just put them away but--”

He was already nodding, though, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Whatever you need, love.”

Since he’d been the one to put them away and she was being the emotional asshole, she figured it was only fair that she bring the bags back out. She had no idea how he’d done it all in one trip, not with how narrow the hall was and how much she disliked scuffing her baseboards with the wheels, and surreptitiously eyed them as she made multiple trips back and forth.

No scuffs. “I’m magic,” she mumbled in a sarcastic imitation of her husband’s accent, shaking her head.

Killian had the TV on to the classic movie channel and the unmistakable scent of chocolate lingered in the air. “Dash of cream liqueur, whipped cream, and cinnamon,” he said, handing her a mug as she sat down.

Emma smiled into it, letting the warmth of the drink and the liqueur slide into her belly. “Did I ever tell you Mom’s the reason I like this?”

“Mm, no.”

She watched as he deftly unzipped the largest bag and started sorting through it; she’d done little more than toss everything in without caring about wrinkles, and the whole thing reeked of sex and wine -- they’d had not nearly enough of both over the last few days, but apparently enough to let the scent sink in to all the fabric. A different kind of warmth settled under her skin, but she wasn’t in the mood to act on it just yet. “According to my dad, Mom drank this all the time when she was pregnant with me. Her biggest craving; not that she didn’t like it before, but it was like another level. So then it became our thing, once I was old enough to have some, just sitting together on the couch or in the kitchen or wherever, with our matching cocoa with cinnamon.”

Killian glanced over at her, a glint of mischief in his eyes, and her heart swelled suddenly with reaffirmation of how much she loved him. His bangs fell over his forehead in a way some might call rakish, but when he looked at her like that -- lips quirked up in amusement at his own joke he was about to tell, unable to hide his glee at his own cleverness -- she could only call it boyish. “Sweet tooth before you were even born, eh Swan?”

Maybe not a joke then, but teasing, like they were twelve and he was pulling her tail. “I’m a wolf of taste,” she said loftily, setting her mug aside and pulling up another suitcase to go through. “Unlike some mangy curs around here.”

“Mangy cur?” Emma squeaked as she found herself pinned under him on the floor, his nose brushing against hers and heat flooding her body. His grin promised absolute filth, the hard length of his body pressed against hers deliciously, and the scent of his arousal was enough to make her dizzy. “Didn’t realize we were comparing pedigrees here, princess. Too bad you’re stuck with the mangy cur and not some stuffy purebred.”

“I happen to like the mangy cur,” she whispered, their lips close enough to tease.

“Good,” he growled. “Because he likes you too.”

She moaned into his kiss, which was far gentler than she was expecting, and he let up on her arms enough to allow her the space to embrace him. Her fingers threaded through his hair, then down his back, where she teased the patch of skin revealed by his sweater riding up. “Emma.”

He pulled back and she smiled at how he already looked wrecked. She glanced over his face, refamiliarizing herself with the little details she already had memorized but still loved looking at: the old scar on his cheek, the ginger hairs in his beard, the little freckles and the way his eyebrow seemed to jump up on its own when he got curious about something. He caught her eye with his again and one corner of his mouth ticked up, a sudden shyness in the way his eyes darted around, like he wasn’t sure she was staring at him . “What?”

She shook her head, reaching down and slipping her hands into the back pockets of his jeans, earning a surprised -- and pleased -- noise from him as she pulled him in for a quick kiss. “I just… really love you,” she said when they parted.

His cheeks reddened, but just around his cheekbones, and she loved that she knew that detail about him. If she was further back, she’d be able to see his ears turning the same color, and if she really got to him she’d be able to get his nose to match. She liked the way he could get around her, quiet and unabashedly himself, someone who couldn’t take a compliment seriously and waved off words of praise. It drove her a little crazy, but she’d made her vows to voice her feelings to him and she was going to make good on those vows.

“I love you too,” he said, his nose brushing against hers, and he leaned in to kiss her again.

The laundry could wait.

 ---------------------------------------------------------

“ There she is!” Ruby hollered, ignoring the glares from the other bar patrons.

Emma also ignored the knowing looks on both Ruby and Dorothy’s faces as she shrugged out of her coat. She knew her hair was mussed and she had beard burn on the side of her neck -- Killian had a particular fondness for this dress and the lack of coverage it provided -- and she was definitely late for their night out, but she only felt the slightest hint of guilt over that. Besides, both Ruby and Dorothy knew what it was like to be newly mated, so they could cut her a break. “Hey, thanks for saving me a seat.”

She flagged down a waitress to take her drink order and then grabbed a handful of peanuts. “So… how’s it going?” Ruby asked in a sing-song.

“Babe.” Dorothy elbowed her.

“What? She’s got sex hair and she reeks of it. If that’s her excuse, she’d better dish.”

Emma rolled her eyes, cracking open a shell. “We didn’t have sex, thank you, he just… made it hard to leave.”

“Oh I’ll bet something was hard.”

“Ruby.”

The waitress arrived with Emma’s drink and they ordered one of those mixed appetizers platters to share, as well as another round of drinks. Emma gulped half of her drink after the waitress left again before saying, “I won’t kiss and tell.”

As Ruby made a face, Dorothy reached for her own peanuts. “Some of us appreciate that.”

Emma downed the rest of her gin and tonic; she hadn’t really taken the time to appreciate it, and seeing as how this was a wolf bar the drinks were made to match their metabolisms, but this was the first time she was getting to hang out with her friends since her wedding and she wanted to have fun. Tipsy, ridiculous fun, with no husbands and no responsibilities. Girl time. Catch-up time.

Only, she realized as the conversation started to actually move towards catching up on each other’s lives, she just had stories about Killian.

“Okay, I forbid you to talk about your husband for thirty seconds,” Ruby said, pointing a french fry at her for emphasis. The appetizers had been replaced by entrees, and Emma rolled her eyes as she took an enormous bite of her burger. Fine, she’d just chew instead. “You have to have been doing something other than banging each other silly or going to work.”

Emma took her time with her food, drawing out Ruby’s challenge and taking some small joy in the agitated tick in her friend’s eyebrow. “Well it’s not like you don’t know what I do for work,” she said finally, reaching for the ketchup. “And we’re in a post-holiday lull, so it’s gonna be a bit before things get interesting.”

“One of us has got to get a different job,” Ruby declared, while her mate rolled her eyes indulgently.

Emma didn’t bother to respond, instead flagging down the waitress for another G & T. There was definitely a happy buzz going on under her skin and she wanted it to continue; the burger would only dull the effects before too long.

“Bitch on the prowl, ten o’clock,” Dorothy said suddenly, looking towards the door.

Emma and Ruby turned to look, with what felt like most of the bar’s patrons and staff following their lead. A woman she didn’t recognize was taking off her coat, revealing a dress that would send normal humans rushing to her side in an instant; here, it only added to the allure of her scent. She was obviously in heat, unattached, and looking to rectify the situation.

Already two men were walking towards her, jostling one another to make her acquaintance first; Emma just looked back to her tablemates with a look of resignation. “They’re not wasting any time,” she said.

“Neither is she; she must be the first one of the season,” Dorothy said, watching the situation near the door with mild interest.

“Just glad it isn’t me this time.”

“If there wasn’t any concern about like, us not being turned into a science freak show, I would absolutely watch our version of a trash dating show.”

“Babe, we have too many seasons of Love Island on the to-watch list as it is,” Ruby said.

“Correction, we don’t have enough seasons of Love Island on the to-watch list.”

Emma glanced back at the display happening on the other side of the bar, letting the sound of her friends teasing each other blend into the rest of the noise. This woman was definitely taking no prisoners, making eye contact with one of the men while her hand rested almost possessively on the arm of the other, her lips spread into a wide smile. Hell, she was charmed by this kind of display, especially when the woman demurely glanced at the second man under her lashes for a moment. Maybe Dorothy was right about a dating show… She watched as the woman laughed at something one of the men said, throwing her head back to give everyone a good look -- and smell -- at her neck, and Emma found herself dazedly wondering when she might be able to slip away back home and ravish her husband.

“Oh no, we’ve lost her.”

“Pheromones side effect, tragic really.”

She blinked back to attention. “What?”

Ruby looked annoyed, but Dorothy at least seemed sympathetic. “She’s still in the honeymoon phase, babe, it’s gonna be a while before everything settles down. The coming season doesn’t help.”

“Okay, you can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Emma snapped. Her drink had been refreshed without her notice and she downed it. “I get it, I’m sorry, I’ll shut up about Killian and whatever.”

Ruby started to respond, but Dorothy silenced her with a look. Whatever silent argument they had, Ruby lost and she huffed as she went back to her meal. The reaction stung -- it’s not like Emma hadn’t sat through hours of Ruby pining and then gushing over her own mate, she could stand being the recipient for a while -- but Emma felt it wasn’t worth it to argue and ruin the evening by just turning it into a fight.

Eventually, they started talking again, Ruby breaking first with some pack gossip. The night never got to the raucous levels any of them might have hoped it could get to, but was overall a nice time and Emma even forgot about getting her feelings hurt. It felt good to get out of the house for a while with friends -- but when someone wolf-whistled as the woman in heat from earlier waltzed out with an entirely different man clutched possessively at her side, Emma thought it might be even better to get back home to her mate.

Even short periods of absence seemed to make the heart grow fonder.

 --------------------------------------------

As the new year rolled through to its second month, Emma and Killian quietly celebrated the one-year anniversary of their meeting, marveling at how much had changed in just a year. Killian noticed that Emma seemed to greet each day with increasing wariness, and his own awareness of the mating season coming into bloom turned into some kind of insatiable itch under his skin.

He’d never participated in mating season before meeting Emma. He’d been soured from pursuing any sort of relationship after the disastrous affair with Milah, and even when he’d been half underwater with alcohol he’d decided he’d never again get snared by any she-wolf’s trap. And to his embittered mind, mating season was just another trap, luring men into siring pups or trying to turn a one-night tryst into a long-term commitment. Even after he’d sobered up and straightened himself out, he’d still felt the sting of rejection in his phantom limb and did his best to stay occupied and aloof in spring.

Until Emma.

He’d known from the start that she was different, that chance encounter with her packmates. She had fire, and the way she’d immediately come at him on the offense had piqued his interest immediately. Then the wind had shifted and he’d immediately known what the source of the problem with her packmates had been, the full-blown scent of a bitch in heat burrowing down to awaken his most basic instincts. He’d done his best to remain a gentleman and let her walk away, as she’d clearly had no interest in acting on her own hormones, and once her scent faded on the wind he’d walked away as fast as he could without rousing anyone’s suspicion. He’d thought that was the end of it, until a chance meeting at a bar led to a delightful night of conversation and drinks…

And the most wonderful, passionate woman he’d ever had the pleasure to offer himself up to the next day.

Poor love had been so miserable when he’d come to see if his magical hangover remedy worked for her that he’d hardly reacted to the overwhelming bouquet of Emma in heat. He’d acted immediately to try and rectify the errors in her spice cabinet, mixing his potion and letting her recover. And as he tidied up the mess he’d made, it became increasingly hard (in many senses of the phrase) to ignore the fact that he was absolutely surrounded by pheromones and the obvious lingering scent of everything she’d done to relieve herself of the ache over the last several days. And when she’d emerged from her blanket nest again and stood there with only a shirt and her knickers and legs that went on for miles and giving him every last chance to run before they’d do something they’d regret?

He’d never wanted someone more in his entire life, mating season or not.

It wasn’t long after he returned home, he realized that long weekend in her bed (and her shower and her kitchen… and one particularly enjoyable occasion with her back pressed to the window and the lights in the living room turned off to keep the outside world in the dark to their activities) would never be enough for him. Liam accused him of moping, his friends thought he needed to get out and meet someone new to get Emma out of his system.

Looking up now, watching her enter the room shyly and holding out a simple padded envelope, he knew just as well now as he’d known then: he could never get her out of his system, even if he tried.

“What’s this, love?” he asked, accepting the envelope from her as she settled in the crook of his arm.

“Early valentine’s present,” she said simply.

They had a reservation at a restaurant that day, so he was a little confused as to why she didn’t want to simply wait until then. “Any particular reason why this is an early gift?”

Her scent changed, a little surge of arousal, and amusement laced her voice, “I kind of figured it was safer to give these to you in private.”

Well now he was intrigued. “Very well then, thank you and I accept.”

Reaching into the envelope, he felt photos -- a stack of actual printed, glossy photographs. He glanced down at his wife -- fuck, he’d never be over that, his wife -- and watched her chew her bottom lip nervously as he pulled the photos out. 

Each photo featured Emma in some way, posed and primping and perfect in all her glory. These weren’t amateur photos by any means, and even her hair and make-up looked like someone else had done the job -- not that Emma did poorly at her own appearance, but she wasn’t one to add such accentuation to her eyes to give them that smoky effect. Killian swallowed hard as he went through each photo, his heart thumping especially loud in his ears: Emma looking directly at the camera in some sort of modernized glamour shot; Emma from behind, shot from the waist up, looking coyly over her shoulder as she slipped a shirt -- was that one of his? -- down her arms to expose her back beneath a wave of blond curls; Emma laid out on dark satin, her hair spilled around her like a halo, wearing what was definitely one of his button-downs and nothing else from the way she gripped it closed. “Emma, how did you--” his throat felt nearly as tight as his pants as he paused at the next photo, her eyes downcast as she lay on her stomach, the curve of her breast visible in the opening of his shirt.

“I am people who know people,” she said simply.

On and on it went, all of them sensual or titillating without pushing the envelope enough to qualify as lewd, until the last one: she reclined on her side, propped up on her elbow, on a pelt that matched her own. Completely bare, her back faced the camera, her hair spilling down her shoulders as she looked to the side, not quite looking over her shoulder but enough to give the viewer a look at her demure profile in an otherwise completely shameless photograph.

“Jesus Christ, Emma…”

She rested her head against his shoulder, by all appearances merely a content wife who was pleased her husband liked her gift, rather than the mischievous seductress she truly was. Minx. “You like them?” she asked.

“Very much. And may I add, excellent call on a private viewing,” he murmured, nosing her hair. “Had anyone else even glimpsed these, I would have had to rip their throats out with my teeth.”

She hummed and he grinned as her scent flared. “The whole murderous, possessive alpha male thing shouldn’t be such a turn on,” she commented, and squeaked as he hauled her up in his lap.

Placing the photos on her lap, he tapped the last one with one finger. “This one should be blown up and professionally framed, I might hang it up in my office. Your arse is a work of art, love.”

“It is,” Emma agreed, “but wouldn’t that go against the whole ‘if anyone else saw these I’d kill them in cold blood’ thing?”

He tweaked her nose; she really was a terrible mimic of his accent. She always made him sound like a Mancunian somehow. “I didn’t say it had to be the main office, and while I admit that intimidating any potential contractors to a better profit turnover would be better, I can’t say I’d be able to get much work done with such a distraction.”

“And it being in your home office would do any better?”

“Well,” Killian said, drawling on the l’s, “for one thing, I wouldn’t have to travel far to take care of any, ah, problems that might arise from a viewing.” Emma snorted, no doubt feeling exactly the sort of problem he spoke of pressed against her bottom. “Though why would I need to look at this if I have the real thing waiting for me?”

“Who says I’ll be laying in wait for you?” she asked, poking his chest. “If our history says anything, I’m the one who pounces on you the moment you walk through the door.”

“Or sooner.”

“Or sooner,” she said. Looping her arms around his neck, she tilted her head. “You really like them?”

He opened his mouth, prepared to remind her that he’d already answered that, but then he noticed the slight furrow of her brow, the nearly invisible downturn of her lips, her wide eyes flicking between his as she tried to read his expression. Killian softened, in several ways, remembering how difficult she found it to be vulnerable; he suspected the act of posing and taking the photographs had been easy -- Emma was a beautiful, confident woman and she knew it -- but now came the hard part: seeking approval. “I love them,” he told her seriously, tightening his hold around her. “A pale substitute for the real thing, but this on my desk,” he flitted through the photos to the glamor shot, “will remind me of the gorgeous woman I have waiting for me at home. And get me through the long , hard days when we don’t see one another.”

She gave him an overly patient look at where he’d emphasized his speech. He leaned down and kissed away the wrinkle between her brows, breathing her in. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone such as you, my darling, but I’m grateful every day to whatever thread of fate drew us together.”

Her breath hitched and her arms tightened around him. She shifted, tilting her head up to kiss him; the intensity of it nearly overwhelmed him, telling him without words how much she loved him and appreciated what he’d said. He felt her fingers in his hair, grazing the sides of his face and neck, her lips moving against his with a hunger he recognized well. “Let’s move these,” he rasped, doing his best not to just throw the pictures all over the floor, “before we make a mess of them.”

Killian gladly let Emma take control then, pushing him flat on his back on the couch and straddling him. “Show me what you really think,” she said, and whipped her sweater over her head, the offending garment falling almost protectively over the stack of photographs on the floor.

 ------------------------------------------------------

The dream started the way it always did: she was sixteen again and her body wasn’t cooperating as she tried to climb the height to the challenge grounds. Most of this was pulled from memory, the sounds of her mother and Regina fighting, the bitter cold, the tang of blood on the wind, but while the stones under her were covered in ice and snow, she’d been able to climb with only a little trouble. She’d been more worried about what she’d find than making sure her feet were going in the right place.

In the dream, though, it was like moving through molasses. Images came in flashes -- her mother lunging and scoring a blow on Regina’s side, Regina’s snarl and the moonlight glinting off the ceremonial silver knives, her father bleeding to death on the ground. Her voice stuck in her throat as she tried to scream for help, like her mouth was sewn shut.

She was helpless to stop what was happening; she always had been, and even in a dream she couldn’t change the reality that her parents had been murdered in front of her.

But for the first time she was able to get to the top, only to find Regina fighting Killian instead of Snow. He had no knife, no weapon at all, swinging wildly with his fist and kicking where he could, but Regina seemed to have the upper hand as she dodged his every move. It looked like she was completely fine with letting him tire himself out first before she had to do anything; Emma tried to scream, tried to get them to stop -- why would Killian be fighting Regina? -- but her mouth wouldn’t work.

Killian lunged and Regina dodged with ease, moving on the offense for the first time as she slammed her elbow into his back. He fell with a cry and suddenly a rifle was in her hands. A crack sounded in the frozen night and then Killian lay still on the ground.

Her body moved, freed from whatever had trapped her in place. Regina was gone, and Emma flung herself at her mate’s form. He lay sprawled on his stomach, a dark, wet patch spreading across his back in the same place where he’d been shot last fall. She packed snow against the wound, an animal cry ripping from her throat in a desperate plea for help. She turned him over, trying to see if he was conscious, but he was white as death and as cold as if he’d lain there for hours instead of moments --

Emma woke, a scream stuck in her mouth as she fought to get the blankets that were tangled around her and constricting her movements off. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tumbled to the floor; the solid impact shook off the confusion between dreams and reality, but it couldn’t get the image of Killian bleeding out in the snow out of her mind. She curled in on herself as her mind blended it with the same sight of her parents that she’d relived over and over again for more than a decade, her chest aching as she tried to stifle her sobs.

It was late, but she hadn’t gone to bed as Killian had still been at work. She’d dozed off on the couch, something she hadn’t done in a long time—in the last few months, the combination of Alice’s crystal magic and the ever-present scent and feel of their mating bond in the bedroom had helped ease both of their night terrors. Their den represented safety and security, giving them peace of mind to rest easily.

She hadn’t meant to fall asleep.

Emma took deep breaths, trying to calm down. She reached for where she’d left her phone, using the hem of her shirt to scrub her face dry with her other hand, and checked to see if there were any messages. A few warm tears leaked out still, even as she checked the time and noted that Killian had texted not long ago to let her know he was on his way home.

As if on cue, the sound of keys in the hall reached her ears, and a moment later they scratched at the lock and then the door opened. “Sorry I’m so late, darling, I—what happened?”

He was at her side in an instant, gathering her into his arms. She lay her head against his shoulder gratefully. “Bad dreams, it’s nothing.”

“Sweetling, the fear-scent hit me full in the face when I came in, it’s not nothing.”

His heartbeat under her ear soothed her, some of the lingering tension in her shoulders easing with the steady thrumming. Her arms went around him and his hold tightened, just a little, as if he could protect her from her own demons just by holding on tight.

She wished he could.

“Bad dreams,” she said again, clearing her throat after her voice came out thick. “A lot of the same, mixed up together in a shitty new brain cocktail I didn’t order.”

He knew about the recurring dream with her parents, and the newer ones from the incident in the fall, so it wouldn’t be hard for him to put together what she meant. He kissed the side of her head. “I’m sorry, darling. Why didn’t you just go to bed?”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep out here. I was waiting for you to get home and just nodded off.” Her book, forgotten until now, lay face-down on the floor, pages bunched up and wrinkled now from when it had fallen from her lap in sleep. “If I’d known you were staying that late I would have just gone to bed.”

Killian sighed. “I’m sorry. I was working on a contract and needed feedback from the overseas partner; it’s morning in Singapore so I knew I could get prompt replies. I should have said something earlier.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“No, but I still feel terrible.” He kissed her again and stood, bringing her up with him. “Come on, let’s have a nightcap and you can tell me how to make it better.”

She smiled wanly. “I just need you. That’s all I need to make it better.”

Emma allowed him to lead her to the kitchen. “You have me, Swan, you know that. You’ll always have me.”

 -------------------------------------------------------

She woke slowly to the gentle, teasing press of lips against her own. There was a murmur in the back of her mind that sounded like ‘ wake up, darling ’ and she had the bewildering sensation of being in two places at once before a finger brushed against her neck and arousal surged through her body. Instantly she felt more alert, kissing Killian back with newly awakened vigor, and he groaned as she pushed him back, reversing their positions so she lay atop him. “Cheater,” she accused, only allowing them a moment to breathe before coming together again. 

He stroked her mate-mark once more and the swell of arousal almost hurt; she clenched her thighs together, trying to ease the ache that lay between them, but Killian’s hand moved down, coaxing them apart to tease his fingers between her folds. “So wet for me,” he murmured.

“Yeah, I wonder why,” she said, biting her lip at the feel of his fingers on her flesh, the warmth pulsing through her body, the sparks of pleasure with every stroke. He ducked down, pressing his lips against her neck and she whimpered at the touch, feeling like she was melting into putty in his arms. “ Tease .”

“I’m a cheater, a tease,” he murmured against her skin, punctuating each word with another kiss. “What’s next? Scoundrel ?”

She cried out as his fingers thrust home, filling her with that delicious stretch she craved. She could feel him moving his fingers inside, teasing her further, and she didn’t know how she wasn’t just soaking his hand with how turned on she was right then. With each thrust of his fingers, he seemed to lift her up and it took her far too long to realize it was a combination of his own urging and her unconscious compliance as she rose up above him. She threw one leg over his waist and felt the head of his cock bump against her thigh; Killian withdrew his fingers and she looked down to watch him rub her juices off his fingers onto his cock as he took it in hand, quickly positioning himself in place for her to sink down on top of him. "Oh fuck me," he moaned as she began to move, her lips finding his mate-mark.

His fingers dug into her hip as she rode him, skin slapping as she chased her pleasure. The combination of their teasing each other’s mate-marks was driving her nearly insane with lust -- she barely noticed when she peaked, the need for more clawing its way through her veins. Killian protested when she lifted herself off him, but he seemed to pick up on the general plan when she turned and got on her hands and knees.

She gasped, sharp and shallow as he pushed in again, her hand grabbing a fistful of blanket for purchase. He felt so much bigger this way— always had since the way he’d taken her that first time. "If we're going to do this like animals, might as well look the part,” he’d said then, and she certainly felt like an animal now as she pushed back onto him in earnest, back arching and throat rough as she keened, pleading for more.

“Greedy girl,” Killian panted through grit teeth, his hips slamming against hers as she cried out. “Drenching my cock, begging for it.”

“ You woke me up,” she retorted, gasping again as he hit a good spot. “There--do that again, fuck .” His hand found her hip again, nails stinging into her skin just enough to pull a groan out of her. Again, he snapped his hips forward, but it’s less frenzied than before, sharper, calculated, and the breath that punched out of her lungs at the next thrust felt laced with fire. She turned to look at him over her shoulder, felt her heart stutter at the way his mark stood out dark against the morning light.

She slipped against the sheet, nearly buckling, but his hand was there before she could, sliding up the length of her torso to curl his fingers around her shoulder. Too-fast, she found herself surrounded by him, his weight half-draped on top of her as he pulled her flush against him and oh, oh . Fuck tumbled out of her again as she twisted to claim a rough kiss. Distracted, his hips slowed at the contact, but she pushed back again with a roll of her hips.

The hand on her shoulder urged her down, his weight shifting off her back as he reared back and her head pressed against the mattress. The angle was just right, a keen tearing from her throat as he resumed speed, driving into her hard and fast and -- “ Fuck, Killian! ”

His hand slipped under her, between her legs, found their way to her overstimulated clit and teased, drawing circles around it and pressing--

Killian’s phone started to vibrate on the nightstand. Emma felt her orgasm slip beyond reach for the moment, her concentration broken, and she groaned in frustration. She didn’t even know what time it was, but it had to be too early for anything but an emergency. “Killian, you should see who that was,” she mumbled, her head shifting against the mattress as he pounded into her.

Her husband snarled and that sent a little thrill down her spine, reigniting what had been lost. “Whoever it is should fucking know better than to call when I’m balls deep in my wife.”

She had no idea how to articulate how absurd that was, but he moved his hand again and squeezed her breast, leaving wet streaks of her own arousal along her skin and her core clenched around him in anticipation. He exhaled sharply, another little growl escaping him, and she pushed back against him, meeting him thrust for thrust. She felt his fingers move along her skin, dancing up her back and nails scratching just enough to leave a trail of goosebumps in their wake, until they found her mate-mark once more and started tracing around it, lightly circling, pressing just enough--

She saw stars. Burst of color behind squeezed eyelids and an impossible wave of pleasure crashing through her, her legs feeling numb and buckling under her as he rode her through her orgasm until she heard a grunt signaling his own. She slid weakly down onto her stomach, her skin still tingling and her core still shuddering, dragging air into her lungs as fast as she could to try and calm her racing heart. She felt the bed shift behind her, heard Killian’s heavy breathing, then felt him settle between her legs. Before she could fully understand what was happening, she felt his nose brush the sensitive seam of her ass, and then dip lower as his tongue found her dripping, abused, and still fucking aroused cunt. “ Jesus --”

Emma tried to push herself up on her elbows, tried to army-crawl up the bed and away from her insatiable husband’s questing tongue, but he satisfied himself with only a few laps before pulling away. She twisted, flushed and glaring at the smug grin on his face. “Who’s greedy now?” she asked.

“I do love the taste of us together,” he admitted, righting himself and settling back on the pillows.

She fought the urge to roll her eyes and summoned all of her strength to get up and go clean herself. Wobbly as it was, she managed the trip to the bathroom and even brought him a washcloth to clean himself up before giving her weary legs a rest and laying next to him. The heady feeling of arousal still burned inside, though more like a smoldering ember pile than the full-on inferno he’d worked her into before, but she pushed it away; she wasn’t in heat yet and her body had limits.

For now.

“So what was that for?” Emma asked.

“Do I need a reason to wake my wife and lavish her with my attentions?” She poked him in the ribs, a particularly ticklish spot, and he squirmed. “Cut it out,” Killian said, giggling. “Your smell woke me.”

She raised an eyebrow. “My smell?” she asked, her voice flat. “You know, from anyone else those might be fighting words.”

He took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips. “And far be it from me to challenge you, darling. No, I believe it may be close to time, your scent has… shifted somewhat.”

Emma let her head fall back with a groan. Motherfucker. Well, it was to be expected; it’s the normal time for her to go into heat, it was just… the worst. Though, having a mate would make it exponentially easier than previous years; she had that to look forward to, at least. She just hated being completely ruled by her hormones, hated having so little control over her own body. And of course Killian would be the first to pick up on it, of course he’d know her so well that he’d pick up on even the slightest change in her scent. Idly, she wondered if he could tell because he’d smelled her in full-blown heat before, but in truth she believed he’d know any changes in her body and her scent almost before she did.

Puts the kibosh on any cutesy surprise things whenever we get around to having pups , she thought wryly.

“Judging by your enthusiastic response, you’re still unhappy about the prospect,” Killian remarked.

She sighed. “It’s not that. I love nothing more than using you as my personal sex toy, I just… hate everything else about it.”

“We could try a last-minute honeymoon,” he suggested. “We did talk about going somewhere this spring.”

“It’ll be wicked expensive, not to mention both of our bosses would kill us for leaving so last minute. And don’t even try to tell me Liam would be understanding, he’d find something to harp at you about.”

“Technically I’m my own boss.”

“Yes, but what captain leaves the helm to go fuck his wife silly for a week?”

His teeth flash in a grin that sends a shiver down her spine. “I’m sure plenty do, particularly when the captain’s wife is as beautiful and alluring as you. And I do have minions to keep things running, you know I don’t do everything right?”

“You have to stop calling your officers ‘minions’.”

“I pay their salaries, I can call them what I like. Besides, which is less of a mouthful, Chief Operating Officer or minion?”

“Coming from the man who takes an hour to tell a five minute story.”

His grin widened. “One of the many charms you love about me.” She rolled her eyes and the bed shifted as Killian reached for his phone, which pinged a reminder that he had a missed call and a voicemail. “Though I could have reason for it, seeing as how one of them called at a most inopportune time.”

Emma worried her lip between her teeth as he listened to the message, the tinny voice reaching her ears perfectly as questions even she knew could have waited a few hours were relayed. If he was right, and it was reasonable to assume he was, then it would be easier to just combine the honeymoon and her week in heat. It was extremely annoying that there wasn’t any way to really tell when her body would go into heat, outside of paying attention to signs like any subtle changes in scent, and they couldn’t have planned this ages in advance. The thought of paying all the last minute booking fees made her skin crawl, but she also knew he wouldn’t suggest such a thing if it wasn’t feasible.

Marrying up a couple of tax brackets was going to take a lot of getting used to.

Killian tossed his phone back on the bedside table, muttering darkly to himself, and she settled against him again. “How about this,” she started, “we take today to make sure a quick getaway isn’t going to be a problem, and then go in a couple of weeks? I don’t think it’s going to happen in the next few days and we need some time to get our shit together.”

“Eloquent as always, Swan,” he said. “And the full moon is next week, so we should schedule around that as well.”

Remembering that gave her another sense of relief: for some reason, it wasn’t common for their kind to go into heat the week of the full moon. Some did, but it was extremely rare, and always led to complications with the litter. She thought it might have something to do with how her monthly shifting stopped when she’d been pregnant before, nature realizing that changing forms while pregnant wasn’t good for the mother or the fetus, but it wasn’t like there was anyone she could ask about that. Again, something else that the more scientific-minded of their community were studying, but it was difficult.

And it wasn’t like there was The Scientific Werewolf Monthly to publish any of that research.

Maybe there should be.

“Well, that settles that,” she said, her mood buoyed by the lunar calendar. “We’ll go in a couple of weeks. Plunk me on a beach somewhere that’s not Boston in winter and I’ll be set.”

Killian’s expression was a thrilling mix of joy and sin. “Then I’d better make sure it’s a private beach, because I have no plans of letting you wear anything more than a bikini the whole time we’re gone,” he said, shifting to loom over her as he spoke, the last words breathed against her lips before he caught hers up in another kiss.

 ----------------------------------------------------

The wave of pleasure that had been building inside finally crashed over her, sending ripples up to the top of her head and down to the tips of her toes. She sighed, sated for the time being and pushed away the latest of her spent toys, reclining back on the silk maroon sheets to watch as he took his leave from her bed. They all knew the drill, the men lurking in wait for her summons; she hated for them to linger, but she did indulge in the view as they stumbled away from her room.

For now, though, Regina was tired. That was the third one today, and it was barely noon on the first morning of her heat. She rolled her head on her neck, as much as she was able, joints cracking and muscles stretching. She wasn’t a young pup anymore, as difficult as it was to admit some days, so while being ravished three times by three different, handsome young things in one morning certainly sounded like an ideal way to spend one’s time, it was proving to take a toll on her.

She didn’t like to think too much about what that would mean.

She didn’t care for the reminders, the lines at the corners of her eyes getting a little deeper if she looked too long, the silver strands she kept carefully colored, and now her body tiring a little sooner than it had the year before.

Any slip might give rise to rumors, and rumors often lead to those same men lurking downstairs foolish ideas about power.

No, for now she would rest a bit, take lunch, and assess what else she could do to keep her hand on their leashes until just the right moment.

Her phone rang midway through lunch. Annoyed, Regina answered in her usual, clipped way. “This had better be important.”

- She’s leaving town for a week, her and that British wolf of hers. My sources say it’s probably their honeymoon, but we have to remember the season. If she comes back pupped-- -

“I can make my own conclusions, thank you Sidney,” she snapped, her mood darkening. “Keep tabs on them if you can, and the Nolans. We may have to move faster than anticipated.”

She hung up before he could agree to anything -- it didn’t matter, he didn’t have to agree. He just had to follow orders.

She sat still for a moment, staring at her plate, then moved suddenly, throwing her tablet against the wall. The news that Emma Swan, previous heir apparent to the pack she now ruled, had taken another mate after all the work she’d done to destroy that last relationship had sent her into a rage that kept her people on their toes for weeks. She didn’t need any reason to allow support of any kind for that little bitch to rise, and a newly mated pair with a fresh litter on the way would definitely give reason for people to remember and feel sympathy for the girl. To start rumors or petitions to restore her place.

To revolt.

She’d put in too much work expanding, improving, and keeping her pack in line to let the memory of the old alphas resurface.

Snarling, Regina got to her feet. Rage mixed with arousal, the need to take control of something overpowering anything else, and she pressed the intercom that would summon another one of her playthings to the bedroom.

She hoped he had stamina, though she didn’t quite care if she ended up breaking him in the end. He was easily replaced, just as all the others were.

She was in control here. Not them. Not any of the hotheads she dealt with on a regular basis.

And never, never Emma Swan.

[ificanthaveu]

Don’t Tell The RA || Shawn Mendes

Description: RA!Shawn asks for your help with studying for your final exam, but an RA should always expect the unexpected. 

A/N: Happy 1st day of my semi-not-really-ficmas! I’m positive I’ve used every winter/Christmas themed fic idea, but I scrounged together a few so here’s the first of the installment. These’ll probably all be pretty short (except for 1 probably bc i have a lot of ideas for it). Also.....if this gif doesn’t look like RA!Shawn trying to get his freshmen boys to stfu so they can start and end the hall meeting ASAP.

Word Count: 2.4k

You were the first person out of the room when your History professor dismissed you, meeting your awaiting roommate Micah across the hall. The two of you started walking back to your dorm without much of a word until she launched into how difficult her calculus exam is going to be.

“At least it’s related to your major. I’m about to fail a gen-ed,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “I’ve never liked History, and this is a literal nightmare.”

“Hey, only one more test, and we’re done,” she reminded you.

Before you could respond to her, you heard your name being yelled from behind you. The both of you stopped and turned around to see Shawn maneuvering his way in and out of people, his tall stature poking out from the rest as you smiled at him.

“Have you started studying for the final yet?” He asked as he fell into step with you and Micah, making your way out of the building.

You practically snorted with a head shake before you said, “Absolutely not. I’ve been so caught up in my biology classes that I’ve barely started looking at this. It’s not looking good for me.”

“We get it. You’re pre-med,” Micah mumbled before you elbowed her.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve cracked open the textbook since the first week,” he said.

“Oh, you opened yours? Mine’s still in the plastic wrap,” you said as proud as you could.

That earned a laugh from Shawn as he shook his head at you.

“You may be worse off than I am,” he said.

He paused for a moment, looking between you and where he had to turn to go to the freshman dorms, opposite campus from the junior ones.

“Would you wanna study tonight?” He asked.

You heard Micah choke on her breath as you prayed he didn’t hear it.

“Yeah, I definitely need it,” you replied.

“Can’t do it in our room,” Micah interjected quickly. “Josie is coming over for calc.”

“We can study at mine,” he said. “If that’s ok with you of course. We just might get interrupted by check-out questions.”

“Sounds just fine with me. I could never do what you do,” you said, looking up at him as he shrugged and looked away, the blush almost evident on his cheeks.

“Well, my room and board is paid for, so I’ll deal with throwing up freshmen in the bathroom at 2 am,” he said. “Does 7 work?”

“Sounds perfect,” you said as you turned to go towards your dorm. “See you then.”

Micah followed behind you as you began to cross campus, waiting until you were clearly out of earshot of Shawn.

“You really had to say we couldn’t do it in our dorm?” You asked as you gripped onto her wrist and she laughed. “Now I have to be extra alone with him.”

“That’s the point,” she said flatly. “Don’t act like you haven’t been staring at him all semester. That man is the total package.”

“And we’re studying together, nothing else,” you quickly pointed out.

“Well it may start that way but-“ you cut her off before she could finish.

“Don’t say something that won’t come true,” you said as you swiped into the building and walked up the stairs to your dorm.

“You wish it will though,” she said in a sing-song voice as you unlocked your door and pushed her in.

“So what are you wearing?” She asked as she whipped open your closet.

“I’m not changing,” you said.

Micah turned around and looked up and down at your sweatpants and sweatshirt with a look of disgust.

“Can you at least put leggings on and a clean sweatshirt? Maybe put your hair in a pony-tail instead of that bun that looks like it was slept in - scratch that - a bun that was slept in,” she said as she threw you a pair of black leggings and a school crewneck.

“This is ridiculous,” you mumbled as you changed.

“You’ll thank me later,” she called after you.

It had started snowing by the time 6:45 came around, and you began your trip across campus. You were regretting not wearing a jacket as you shivered and crossed your arms tightly around your chest.

The person at the front desk smiled at you as you made your way up to Shawn’s dorm, scanning the rooms for the one that said “Residential Assistant” on the front.

You knocked twice once you found it, rocking back and forth on your feet and trying to shake the cold. You glanced around at the winter-themed decorations around the hall before Shawn swung the door open.

“Hey,” he said brightly with that big smile that made you weak. “You look freezing.”

“I am,” you said as he welcomed you in. “Big mistake not wearing a coat.”

You scanned over his room quickly as he shut the door behind the two of you. He had white Christmas lights strung along his window, making for a beautiful reflection mixed with the snow. His overhead light was off, but the lamp beside his futon was on. It was surprisingly clean, but you attributed that to him never knowing when someone was going to need to talk to him.

Two mugs were situated on his desk in the corner of the room. He crossed the room and grabbed one and handed it to you.

“It’s mint tea,” he said. “Helps with studying.”

“Ah, of course,” you said, taking the mug and sitting on his, surprisingly comfortable, futon.

“And a blanket,” he said as he pulled it from the back of the couch. “Since you look like you might have hypothermia.”

“Thank you,” you said softly as you wrapped it tightly around your shoulders.

You pulled out your book and binder, flipping to the study guide that was handed out in class.

“Ok, where do you want to start?” You asked as Shawn pulled his slightly crumpled study guide from where it was tucked in his book.

“Well, I know nothing,” he said as he scanned over the paper. “Actually, I know one.”

“Which one?”

“The one he told us the answer for today.”

“That does not count.”

The two of you determined an order to study from as you kept his open textbook balancing on both of your knees, occasionally having to lean closer to the other to take a look at a passage.

Shawn skimmed the page, pointing at a passage and trying to explain it to you as you looked at him. You couldn’t hear a word he said as you watched how into the topic he got, using his hands to try to express his point. You sent the butterflies to the bottom of your stomach by taking a giant sip of the tea and moving onto the next question.

He asked you the next one, taking the textbook from you as you leaned an arm on the back of the futon. You glanced between him and the mini Christmas tree in the corner as you tried to explain it as best you can without the book as a crutch.

You looked back at him, his head cocked to the side and an interested look on his face. A few curls fell onto his forehead as he studied you. You tried to keep talking as his gaze was unwavering.

“Sounds right to me,” he said, his face dangerously close to yours as he also leaned his arm on the back.

“I honestly wouldn’t know,” you whispered. “Were you even looking at the book to make sure I was right?” You teased.

“I had something else I had to look at,” he said at the same volume.

You felt him lean in as you did the same. You could feel his breath fan over your lips as your hand rested on his knee.

Three solid knocks sent you flying away from each other.

Shawn cursed under his break as he stood up and swung the door open quickly.

“What?” He said to the kid in front of him, who was significantly shorter than Shawn.

“Kevin knocked over the-“ he paused as he saw you watching from across the room. “Oh, sorry, Shawn, I didn’t realize you had a girl over.”

You choked on your sip of tea as Shawn shoved the kid out the door and slammed the door behind him.

You pulled yourself together as you could hear Shawn’s muffled voice through the paper-thin walls.

“Why the fuck would you say that with her right there?” He said.

“I didn’t know! I would’ve gotten the RA on duty if I knew you were on a date,” the kid yelled back.

You could hear Shawn huff and could imagine him tugging at his hair.

“It’s nothing, Cade. It’s literally nothing at all,” Shawn said quickly. Your stomach dropped.

“It didn’t look like nothing,” the kid - Cade - teased back.

“Just tell me what’s going on, so I can study, which is the only thing we were doing,” he trailed off as you could hear the two of them walking down the hall.

You tried not to let yourself get too disappointed as you half packed up some of your stuff, not wanting to overstay your welcome if he didn’t see anything here. You felt yourself begin to overthink, wondering what would’ve happened if he kissed you. If he just wanted something quick before break, a finale to your semester together in class.

You waited patiently, your chin resting on your knees as you tried to look at the study guide with no luck.

The door swung open once again as Shawn came back. He shut the door behind him, running his hands through his hair as he looked over at you, noticing nothing but your study guide sitting out. He felt his stomach drop but didn’t say anything.

“Ok, where were we?” He said as he sat down again, dangerously close as his thigh grazed across yours.

Your breath hitched as he looked over at the study guide in your lap, looking at your one newly highlighted point.

You looked up at him as he asked you a question on the point. It was obvious he was looking at your lips.

You tried to answer the question and steady your shaky voice, but he leaned closer. Before his lips had the chance to press against yours, you rested your hand against his chest.

“Shawn…” you trailed off. “I can’t.”

“I’m so sorry,” he quickly said. “I didn’t - I thought - I’m sorry, I thought there was…” he trailed off as he tried to motion between the two of you as he leaned back.

“I just,” you paused as you let out a breath. “I really don’t want to be a one-night thing before you go back home.”

“Why would you think that?” He asked, an upset look clearly on his face.

“It’s nothing. It’s literally nothing at all,” you quoted him as you played with the edge of the study guide.

He looked at you confused as you looked down at the page, trying to distract yourself.

“Why would you say that? I don’t think this is just nothing,” he said.

“Shawn, these walls are paper-thin,” you snapped as you looked up at him. “I heard you telling the kid that this was nothing, and I don’t want nothing. So I’m stopping it here.”

He rubbed his forehead softly as you tucked your study guide into your binder, opening your backpack to put it away.

“I’m not going to tell one of my residents that he just interrupted something,” Shawn said quickly. “They’re my residents. I’m not about to tell them about my love life. I didn’t know you’d hear that. I swear I don’t think this is just nothing. I just don’t want them to know that stuff about me. There’s no reason to. I’m so sorry if it came off as any other way.”

You watched him continue to get flustered as he stayed relatively close to you, his hand almost hitting your shoulder as he spoke.

“I’ve been crazy about you since the beginning of the semester. I don’t just want to kiss you and forget,” he explained, leaning close to you again.

“Really?” You asked softly.

He smiled back at you, his hand almost resting against your shoulder as he draped it against the back of the futon.

“Really,” he replied.

This time when he leaned in, you let him kiss you. His hand enveloped the side of your face as you rested your hands gently on his chest. He tugged on your hip, and you followed his lead as you climbed onto his lap, smiling into the kiss as his hands stayed planted on your hips, gripping into your sides.

You pulled back before pecking his lips once more, leaning your forehead against his so you could see his big smile.

You glanced outside to see the snow getting worse as you let out a sigh.

“I should get going,” you whispered.

“But it’s a blizzard out there,” he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “And you don’t have a coat.” Another kiss at the corner of your lips. “Just stay,” he whispered as his lips met yours again.

“I don’t want to get us in trouble,” you whisper back.

“I know the RA. Don’t worry about it. I can pull some strings if he finds out,” he said with a cocky smile as you rolled your eyes, leaning in again.

“Won’t the residents know?” You mumbled against his lips.

“Let ‘em talk,” he said as his hand rubbed up your side, sending shivers across your body. “I won’t see them for over a month anyway.”

“Well, as long as the RA doesn’t find out, I think maybe I can stay,” you whispered as Shawn flipped you over so your back pressed against the futon and he hovered above you.  

“I’ll make sure he never finds out.”

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[writersrealmbts]

All I Want for Christmas

Description: You’re ready for another Christmas at the shelter, but Taehyung has other ideas, and brings you home with him instead. You never thought you’d receive this many gifts.

“For the Christmas request, can I please request a human!Taehyung x Calico cat hybrid!fem!reader where he adopts her and brings her home on Christmas? It’d be so cute because she’d be so happy to have a home and it’d honestly be the best Christmas for both of them🥰🐈💜”

Warnings: Fluff and stuff

Posted: 12/17/2020

Tags: taehyung x reader, hybrid au, hybrid reader, calico cat!reader

1,779 words

A/N: For @kpopgirlbtssvt​

You stared out your window at the glittering, snow-covered scenery, while you played with the Christmas-bells bracelet that your secret Santa had gotten for you. You loved it. You liked the gentle sound it made instead of the harsh jangle of the bells that someone had hung on your door, a cacophony of dissonance that made your tail curl.

You winced, turning toward the door as it opened. You weren’t sure why it would be opening, you’d just returned from breakfast and it wasn’t time for activities yet.

A stranger stood in the doorway, holding papers and a small gift bag. And while he didn’t look familiar, he smelled very familiar.

The one that had been observing everyone for adoption purposes for the past two weeks.

He smiled softly at you. “Hello, y/n. My name is Taehyung. I got you a Christmas present.”

You felt excitement bubbling up within you, and you slowly moved toward him.

He met you half-way, holding out the bag.

You carefully took it, bowing slightly, then carefully pulling the gift from the bag.

It was a charm bracelet, pretty and gold and shiny and it had three charms. One was a sleigh, carefully and intricately made with a bag of presents in the back. Another was a cute, but realistic looking bear. The last were simple mark-tags, ones that displayed your basic information and your owner’s….

You slowly looked back up at him. “You’re adopting me?”

He shook his head. “I have already adopted you. I’m bringing you home. I have more presents for you at home. I hope you can accept my first gift, though,” He said, looking hopeful.

You grinned and eagerly put it on behind your jingle-bracelet, admiring it in the morning light. You were being adopted!

He laughed a bit. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” You agreed, vibrating with excitement. You were getting the best Christmas present ever! You had an owner! You were being taken to a home!

“Y/n, your things?” The shelter worker prompted.

“Oh! Right!” You bounded toward the closet and grabbed your two dresses, your socks, and your shoes, putting them into the laundry sack, then got your 2 pairs of pants and 2 sets of pajamas and 3 shirts. “Ok!”

“Pillow? Friend?”

You squeaked in alarm and raced to the bed to grab the pillow and your stuffed calico kitty that had ears and a tail exactly like yours, then hesitated, hand on the old, worn blanket that you kept carefully folded over the end of your bed.

The worker nodded, smiling softly. “It’s yours.”

You grinned again and shoved those things into the sack as well. “Ready!”

“Uh, you might want to wear some shoes instead of slippers,” Taehyung suggested gently, looking just as happy as ever. Not scolding.

You stared down at your slippers for just a minute too long before diving into the sack and grabbing your shoes.

“Relax, kitten. We’ve got time to get home, it’s not going anywhere,” Taehyung said in a soothing tone as you fumbled with the straps of your shiny, black shoes. They looked cute with your red Christmas dress with the pretty white furry lining. You didn’t care what that know-it-all tabby three doors down said, you thought the shoes were cute. And they fit you, it was rare for shoes to actually fit properly, though the shelter tried their hardest to make sure all of you had at least one pair of shoes that fit properly, outside of the slippers which were bought in the proper sizes for everyone.

“Y/n! I found the…sash….” The other hybrid peered into the room, swallowing hard. “Oh…are you….”

“I’ve been adopted, Jiyoung!” You squeaked happily, dragging your sack over to her. “What did you find?”

“The sash, to the dress,” She said eagerly, grinning in happiness for you and then whipping the white sash around your waist and tying it in a big, fancy bow behind you. “There! Now it isn’t just a sack! I will tell you again, though, it was made to be a costume.”

“It’s pretty and soft,” You argued, hugging yourself.

She kissed your cheek. “Good luck in your new home, y/n. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” You responded, voice a choked whisper. You were leaving your friends.

Someone gently took your sack of belongings from you. “Come on, y/n. Let’s go show you your new home.”

You looked back at the gentle, understanding expression on Taehyung’s face and melted a bit. “Okay.”

Jiyoung patted your arm and hurried back down the hall to the donations room where she helped out. She was one of the owner’s hybrids, so at least you knew she was loved.

“Everyone else is in the main room, they’ve been told you’ve been adopted and are waiting to say goodbye,” The shelter worker said gently, noticing your hesitation.

You nodded and took Taehyung’s offered hand, going to the main room.

And maybe you gave your jingle bracelet to the grumpy tabby from three doors down because you knew she’d been jealous of it and you wanted her to be happy and your secret santa had given you an approving smile.

You sort of bet that Taehyung might get you another if you asked really, really nicely.

Taehyung’s car was very nice, nicer than any vehicle you’d ever been in before, and he played Christmas music softly on the radio as if knowing you were nervous as well as excited.

“I understand the sleigh, because you’re adopting me on Christmas, right?” You asked, attention on the charm bracelet again.

He nodded, smiling.

“But what about the bear?”

He looked a little sheepish. “Um…well, I have this song. It’s called winter bear, so I thought after a while if you look at the bear charm you’ll think of it as part of me.”

You were purring before he even finished speaking, holding your wrist and the bracelet close to your heart while you stared out the windows at the Christmas decorations the people all bundled up.

He parked at a large apartment building, grabbing your things and offering to hold your hand again. “Anyway, I do sometimes travel for work. And I was hoping the charm might remind you of me if I’m not able to take you with me. I’m going to make sure to try and get you in every trip, because you’re my responsibility now, but there will be times even when you’re with me on a trip that you might be at the hotel while I’m working. If you can’t go with me on a trip, you’ll probably stay with my parents, and they’re really nice so I think you’ll like them and I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. And—”

“Taehyung-ah,” You whispered, trying to be respectful since you weren’t sure how he wanted you to address him yet. “It’s a little cold outside.”

He blinked at you, then his eyes widened and his eyebrows rose. “You don’t have a coat!”

You shook you head.

He hurried you into the building then ran back and grabbed the sack when you pointed it out, before punching the button to the elevator and muttering about warming you up so that you wouldn’t get sick and how he was a terrible owner.

You patted his arm. “You’re not a terrible owner, and I’m not that cold. See, I’m not shivering. We can still have a nice Christmas.”

“Right,” He breathed, sounding relieved. “You sure you’re okay?”

You nodded, smiling up at him.

“Right, oh, and you can just call me Taehyung.”

You nodded again, smiling and blinking up at him.

He led the way down the hall once the doors opened, holding your hand again, unlocking the door to his apartment (it had a pretty wreath on it). “It isn’t much but this is home.”

You stepped in and took off your shoes, then realized you didn’t have your slippers out.

He caught your panicked looked and smiled gesturing to two pairs of slippers, one pair smaller than the others that looked adorable and comfortable. Like fairy slippers. “I got those for you. They told me your sizes so I could get you some things.”

You felt warm all over and you carefully tried on the slippers, purring at how soft they were.

He looked relieved that you liked them.

Then you saw the rest of his apartment and gaped. Not because of the Christmas tree, which really was delightfully decorated, but because it was very large. You’d seen other apartments before, for home visits before adoptions that fell through at the previous shelter you’d been in as a child. This place was…expensive.

“Wow,” You breathed.

“Like I said, it’s not much, I don’t really even have that much furniture. I just sort of moved in a couple months ago.” He rubbed his neck.

You stared at him, then at the apartment. “It’s huge. You lived here alone?”

“Oh…well…yeah. That’s also why I got you, I’m not used to living alone and the others drop by now and then and I drop by their places now and then but…it’s not the same as what I’m used to and then I saw the shelter and I just got curious and…I didn’t want to be alone anymore and you were so bright and lively that I thought…you’d help me liven the place up. Help it feel warm in here instead of empty.” He looked embarrassed.

You smiled. “I can certainly try.”

He smiled back at you. “Ready for your presents?”

“I feel bad, I don’t have presents for you,” You replied, worried.

“You being here and enjoying what I’ve gotten for you will be enough,” He reassured you, looking happy again.

You nodded and let him lead you through the apartment to a door with a ribbon stuck to it.

“This is your room, y/n,” He whispered, then opened the door.

You squeaked in surprise as you looked around the absolutely plush room. Big bed, lots of pillows and blankets, and pretty pretty furniture. Gentle colors, pretty colors. A lamp, a ceiling fan. And he had some clothes in the dresser and the closet, and some books on the shelves.

He was watching you hopefully, waiting to see if you liked it all.

Your eyes filled with tears and you raced over you hug his waist tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” You breathed, locking your arms around him.

His lips pressed lightly to your temple. “Merry Christmas, y/n.”

“Merry Christmas,” You whispered back.

[sineala]

Holiday comics

This month I've been asked to talk about winter-holiday themed storylines! It's been miserably hot where I am; winter sounds nice right about now. I don't think many of the comics I'm going to name are going to be new to you. You can probably guess what they are! But maybe you'll have fun sitting down and reading them. Put on the air-conditioning and get some ice water.

Marvel has had a whole bunch of holiday issues over the years, and I'm not going to talk about anywhere near all of them. The most recent one I can think of is last year's King In Black Iron Man & Doctor Doom team-up, which features Tony and Doom facing off against a symbiote-possessed Santa Claus. I've never really enjoyed any symbiote-themed Marvel comics -- although I really liked the Venom movie, go figure -- so it's not one of my favorites, but it might be your kind of thing.

My favorite issue in this genre obviously has to be the Avengers vol 5 Annual. This was the annual that came out during Hickman's Avengers run. It's not written by Hickman -- it's by Kathryn Immonen -- and it has nothing whatsoever to do with the events of the run. You can read it without any familiarity with the rest of the run, I promise. It's definitely the happiest issue in that entire Avengers run. It's probably one of the happiest issues of Avengers that you will ever read. I had gotten into Steve/Tony comics relatively soon after this issue came out, and I remember seeing panels on Tumblr without attribution and not knowing if they were canon or fanart or edits. (I kind of enjoy the fact that comics fandom has this problem, actually, even if that means breaking people's hearts about that "solid dick" panel every so often.) And then it turned out they were canon!

You've probably all read it, but this particular annual is set on Christmas Eve. Almost all the team has cleared out for Christmas, leaving a skeleton crew to watch the tower. Specifically, Steve. Tony asks Steve if Steve's going to be okay before leaving for his private island. It's very sweet. But then the actual plot kicks into gear, and some kids who had been taking a tour have stayed to cause mischief, and it's up to Steve to stop them. And also, additionally, Tony and several other Avengers, because when Tony said "private island" he meant that he was shutting himself up in a bathroom with a swimsuit and swim fins and a crab floatie. Yep.

This is also the issue with the famed "Captain Handsome" line because not only is Tony a guy who has canonically used "Captain America" as his own password (good going, no one'll ever guess that) he gives everyone else their own personalized passwords to the tower, thereby making Steve identify himself as Captain Handsome, which I think says an awful lot about Tony.

Anyway. It's the best, and if you haven't read it, you definitely should.

Marvel also puts out a lot of one-off holiday specials that are usually anthologies of winter-themed holiday superhero stories. There were a few of them in the 70s under the title "Holiday Grab Bag," which I have not read. They were revived in 1991 under the title "Marvel Holiday Special." They don't do them every year, I don't think, but there have been a fair number of them.

So obviously these don't all have the Avengers in them, though the Avengers often make cameos; I skimmed through them just to check. It's also probably worth noting that although they are mostly Christmas-themed in nature, they aren't all entirely Christmas-themed; there's a story in the 2011 issue that has Ben Grimm and Kitty Pryde celebrating Chanukah, and the 1992 one has a funny story of Doc Samson attempting to tell children about Chanukah and embellishing it wildly to keep them interested, so that superheroes and nuclear weapons are now involved in it. He is not invited back.

They do have a few stories that might be of interest in the specials. The 1991 special has a story called "Precious Gifts" (by Len Kaminski, who you may remember from early-90s Iron Man) where Steve is volunteering at the VFW for Christmas (as Steve, not Cap) and meets a woman who wants to talk to him about how sad she is that her brother died in WWII and she doesn't even know how. Steve of course asks what her brother's name was. And she says his name was James Barnes, and that's pretty much when Steve's brain bluescreens.

This is Rebecca's first appearance in canon; she later shows up at the tail end of Jurgens' Cap run and then again during Brubaker's run; I haven't actually read either of those. MCU Stucky fandom really ran with her as a character, but here in 616 she and Steve don't know each other at all. He didn't seem to know Bucky had a sister at all, and she didn't know Bucky was Steve's partner, so after Steve figures it out he goes back (as Cap) to tell her about Bucky so she can at least know that Bucky died bravely, and he gives her a patch from one of Bucky's uniforms. It's very touching. I'd never read it before, so I'm glad I found this.

(I really like the scene with Steve interacting with the children at Rebecca's house, because I think it captures two key facets of Steve's character: (1) the angst about how he will never have a normal life and a family, and (2) his terrible sense of humor. "What's Thor like?" "Big." I feel like one of the things I would like MCU fandom to know about comics Steve is that he is, pretty much, Steve "Dad Jokes" Rogers. Not, like, as pithy hero banter, but in everyday conversation.)

This issue also has a Christmas-themed splash page of Steve and Diamondback that I think is pretty cute. Steve is holding up Rachel and Rachel is holding up Steve's shield so it serves as the star on a Christmas tree.

The 1992 issue has an Iron Man story entitled "Holidays on Ice." An ice-themed villain is angry that he can't find a job, so he decides to go ruin the Stark Enterprises holiday party, which was going pretty well until then. Tony suits up and of course defeats the villain handily and then offers him a job, because, well, he's a nice guy and it's Christmas. This is exactly who Tony Stark is, as far as I'm concerned. It's sweet.

The 1994 issue has a Cap story where Steve is chasing human traffickers on Christmas Eve (cheerful, right?) into a farmhouse "where [his] grandfather lived sixty years ago" because I guess someone didn't know Steve was the son of immigrants. Maybe it wasn't canon yet. Steve saves the kid and reminisces about Christmas, the soul of America, human trafficking, et cetera. I would recommend the previous Cap story over this one.

I think the last holiday special I can recall that had Steve and Tony actually interacting was a Gwenpool Holiday Special, and that was way back before Secret Empire (but after Secret Wars), while Steve was still old. I don't recall much about it except that they were attending the same party.

But the one of these that you definitely want to read is the Marvel Holiday Special 2005, which has an Avengers ensemble story by Jeff Parker; if you're familiar with comics because of their Steve/Tony potential, you'll probably recognize his name because he wrote several of the first issues of Marvel Adventures: Avengers, and though this is a early New Avengers-era story it definitely has that MA:A dynamic. It's not particularly shippy as far as the Steve/Tony goes but if you enjoy Comics Being Comics, you should know that this story is called "Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santron!" and features the Avengers fighting, um. Santron. Santa-themed Ultron. Yesss.

Anyway, it has the Avengers attending a holiday party at the Sanctum Sanctorum, because why not, and it's generally amusing and has some great team dynamics and I love Santron. There is an unfortunate subplot involving all the male Avengers maneuvering to get Jess Drew under the mistletoe which I think was supposed to be funny but to me came off as kind of creepy. But other than that, I really enjoy this issue.

That's all I can think of as far as holiday special issues go, but there are of course issues of regular comics that just happen to be set in or near various winter holidays. I actually can't think of any holiday-themed Cap issues, but I can think of a couple of Iron Man ones. You probably think I'm going to talk about the second drinking arc, but I'm not -- well, okay, not directly -- because even though that definitely features winter it's not really very holiday-themed. But there are other issues that fit the bill.

Iron Man #313, published in 1995, is called "Resolutions," and I feel like New Year's Eve definitely counts as a winter holiday. Which is when it's set. It's by Len Kaminski, who you may remember from several paragraphs ago as the guy who wrote that story about Bucky's sister. Ha. He's clearly very good at winter-holiday-themed character moments, because that's what this issue basically is. If you've read it, you know exactly what I mean; if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It's one of the only issues from this era of comics that I bothered to track down in paper.

So the entirety of Iron Man #313, pretty much, is about Tony going to an AA meeting on New Year's Eve and recounting his entire history of alcoholism up to this point. If you need a convenient refresher on Tony's drinking problem, this is actually a pretty good issue to pick up; there are later issues that recap Tony's alcoholism, like Matt Fraction's Invincible Iron Man #500.1, but this issue features the motivations and characterization that get the most play in fandom.  This is the issue where Tony recounts a New Year's Eve he spent as a child. The one where his father forced him to down hard liquor, which Tony did in an attempt to impress him. (Tony describes his father as "not a bad man," because Tony is not a very reliable narrator where his father is concerned.) Anyway, yes, this is that issue. It's dealing with the fallout of Tony drinking during the Vor/Tex arc, though if you love yourself I would suggest not reading the Vor/Tex arc and just reading this. It's good.

The only other issue I can think of that's at all holiday-themed is the arc toward the end of Iron Man volume 3, "You Can't Always Get..." (IM v3 #62-63), which is itself a sequel to "Jane Doe" (#51-52), which I would recommend reading if you enjoy Tony funding a women's shelter and generally being a really good human being. As far as I can remember, the first arc isn't holiday-themed; the second one takes place during the Christmas season, but the women's shelter from the first arc plays a big role here.

Mostly what you will want to read here is Tony and his girlfriend Rumiko going Christmas shopping in #62. The issue opens with them going shopping and Tony carrying all the bags and also taking Ru to go see Santa Claus. After that, they're walking down the street talking about what they really want. And Ru asks Tony what he wants, being as he's The Man Who Has Everything. His reply is: "Something money and power could never buy... something I've been searching for all my life. Someone to watch over me."

Fandom tends to feel like that quote is a pretty telling look into Tony's psyche, as far as I can tell. I think we all like it. So, yeah, that's worth reading.

I'm bad at writing conclusions, but anyway, yeah, that's all of the winter-holiday comics I can think of that are Steve, Tony, and/or Steve/Tony-related; I went through the Marvel Holiday Specials so you did not have to. Definitely read that Avengers annual if you haven't, though. It's a good one.

[kuroo-shitsurou]

Communicate (Haiba Lev x kuudere!Reader)

note: first entry for haikyuu! i'm open for requests, just hmu! i apologize for any mistakes. some of my stories were intentionally made to be f!reader, but i figured gn!reader would be more appropriate. so i apologize if you see any she/her/names that are in the text. ^^

(i'm adding w/c now as well!)

word count: 3.8k

"He's not coming back tonight, no?"

For a few moments, there was silence. A gust of wind blew past the apartment complex, rustling the leaves of the trees planted down below. You sat on the chair set up on your balcony. Looking over the metal railings, you admired how the yellow and red taillights of cars stuck in traffic bobbed up and down the street. Somehow, they looked like Christmas lights tossed in a messy line; Like they were discarded the morning right after Christmas because the tree had to be taken down again.

You hugged the jacket closer to your arms, hoping to gain more warmth. Inhaling the fresh scent of laundry detergent, you smiled. Eyes crestfallen and tears just barely swimming in your ducts. The cold breeze of December brushed past your hair, tickling the back of your neck. It's the first Christmas I'm spending without you.

Your cat, Maika, jumped on your lap. She purred and mewled, rubbing her head against your warm hand. You managed to choke out a small chuckle, petting the white fur of the cat. You let your eyes wander to the glass doors connecting the living room and balcony. Your couch was there, a duvet carelessly thrown on top of it. You shouldn't help but let a few drops of salty tears fall down your cheeks.

You weren't really the type of person to cry over silly things. In fact, you rarely cried at all. As far as you remember, the last time you cried over something petty was back in second grade. You were teased for cutting your own hair; Your bangs looked choppy, and one classmate even mentioned how you managed to cut a giant chunk out from the back of your head. Admittedly, you were pretty stupid for messing around with the scissors you found on the table, but you didn't really know any better. Anyway, who knew that hair took so long to grow back?

Other than that, you don't recall crying anymore. Throughout your middle and high school years, tears weren't really present to disrupt your life. Not even when Kuroo accidentally spiked a ball into the back of your head, and not even when Yaku accidentally kicked your shin because you were standing too close to his original target, Lev.

Lev.

Although you didn't find any reason for letting yourself cry during those years, you couldn't help but tear up when you remembered Lev. You were incredibly proud of yourself for counting up to five days without crying every since Lev left your shared apartment. However, today was Christmas eve. There were approximately three hours before Christmas, and here you were, spending it with Maika, on the balcony, crying your eyes out.

To be completely honest, you knew that it was your fault that Lev left. You were a rather independent person. You had a bold personality; Never afraid of being blunt to people, never afraid of telling others if they needed to be scolded. However, you were an absolute novice when it came to showing affection to Lev.

It was a surprise, to say the least, to the entire volleyball team that the cold-hearted manager, _____-san, was dating the eccentric and hyperactive first year, Haiba Lev. Yaku, Kuroo, and Kai were in shock upon hearing the news from Lev. At first, they thought he was just kidding, but when they heard it from you, their minds were beyond boggled.

-

"Eh?!"

"Seriously?"

"Kuroo-san, why do you look so surprised? You too, Yaku-san. And Kai-senpai, I didn't think you'd be interested in my love life as well." You calmly said, clipboard firm against your chest, as your eyes scanned the volleyball posters displayed in the volleyball club room.

"W-Well, I didn't think it was actually true because Lev was the one saying it. I thought he was just bullshitting us." Yaku admitted, scratching the back of his head before sending you a sheepish smile.

"You're growing up too fast, _____-san!" Kuroo quipped, wrapping his arms around you like a doting aunt, "You have a boyfriend now, I'm getting old!"

"Kuroo-san, please stop patronizing me. I have feelings too. Why does this come as a surprise to you all? Inuoka-kun and Futakuchi-kun also asked me if Haiba-kun and I were actually dating. It's not like I'm a robot or anything, I can... contract love too." Your disheveled form pried Kuroo's arms away from you, and you dusted your shoulders off as if Kuroo left dirt atop of them.

"You don't contract love, _____. It's not a disease." Yaku laughed at your poor choice of words.

"You, see _____-san, we just didn't think that you were interested in romance for the time being, and for you to be dating someone like Lev, it's surprising. In a good way, though, don't get me wrong. Lev's a good kid." Kai was the calmest of the bunch, but he was simply masking his happiness. He was the one who invited you to be their manager, after all. He saw how you grew out of your shell gradually. It's nice to see you enjoying the years of your youth, as Kuroo would put it.

"Ah, I see. To be honest, I didn't think I would also participate in a romantic relationship with anyone this early on. However, Haiba-kun successfully caught my attention. I think it would be a fun experience. Whatever happens, I get to grasp a further understanding of our Russian first year, and I also gain knowledge on the department of... love." You mentioned nonchalantly.

Kuroo, Yaku, and Kai all exchanged knowing looks; Something that screamed: "Are you sure you're not a robot?"

"_____-chan!" Lev's excited voice was heard from outside of the gym. The first years finally arrived, signifying that practice would begin soon.

"Pardon me. Thank you for your time." You bowed politely to the three seniors and walked over to where the first years were leaving their things.

"_____-chan I missed you a lot today! I only got to see you in free period earlier, and that was barely 10 minutes, but you're here now!" Lev was like a puppy. He was bouncing around, showering you with genuine compliments and adorations, his smile reaching the heavens above. Perhaps, if you pat his head, an invisible tail would wag? You considered the idea.

You managed to hold back a smile of your own, only replying with, "Get prepared for practice, Haiba-kun."

"_____-chan, you can call me Lev, you know? Since we are dating and all." The Russian said softly, wanting to get his point across, but not wanting to scare you.

"Maybe next time, Haiba-kun."

-

When you slipped inside your living room, you couldn't help but let out a few more sobs. There was a Christmas tree left half decorated just beside your television. Cans of tea and red bull were laying just on the feet of the couch. Half-empty and empty packets of chips were on the coffee table. God, you left the living room in such a messy state.

You pulled Lev's enormous (Well, it was enormous on you. But on Lev, it was the perfect size) jacket closer to your body, wishing you could smell his scent instead of the laundry detergent.

Maika wandered into the living room and onto her cat bed, stretching her paws and making herself comfortable before she went to take a nap.

You couldn't help but acknowledge the absolute dumpster fire when you saw yourself in the full body mirror near the entrance of your hallway. You were wearing a pair of fuzzy pajamas, an oversized shirt covered in stains and crumbs, and Lev's Nekoma jacket. Your hair was messy and ruffled, and you looked... pale. Eyes red and swollen, cheeks puffy, but your lips were white. You had never looked so awful before.

-

"_____-chan, you look amazing as always!" Lev came bounding to you.

"Congratulations on graduating! I'm so proud of you!" He took you in a tight embrace, lifting you up and spinning you around.

"H-Haiba-kun, please put me down!" You squealed, wriggling around in Lev's grip, trying to get away. For a split second, you could've sworn that Lev's face darkened, but you decided to brush it off.

Once your feet touched the ground, you managed to say a short and quiet "Thank you."

"Ah, this is really happening, isn't it?" Lev shoved his hands in his pockets, looking up at the cherry blossom trees in full bloom.

"Y-Yeah. It will even eventually happen to you too, Haiba-kun. It's the way that life progresses," You knew that you were pathetic at mustering a good enough reply, so you chose to fumble with the hem of your collar.

"Hey, _____-chan, do you love me?" Lev asked, suddenly serious. His gaze was still fixated on the trees above, their branches freely swaying in the wind, a few cherry blossoms fluttering down as the breeze carried them away.

A blush creeped up on your cheeks. Of course you loved him! More than... anything, if you were being honest. More than volleyball, more than red bull, more than anime, but why couldn't you say it?

"Speak up, damn it!" You thought to yourself.

After a few minutes passed, you were still tongue-tied. You hated yourself for not being able to express your feelings. There were already tears in your eyes, but you didn't want to cry in front of Lev; You vowed that you never would.

Lev looked down to see his senior in a low mood. "Don't worry, _____-chan! It's okay if you can't say it yet, I understand." Lev caught a single cherry blossom as it was falling down and tucked it behind your ear, " I'll wait for the day that you can say it back, so for now, I'll say it for the both of us, okay?"

You were embarrassed. You were such an asshole for doing this to Lev. To make up for your lacking skills in communication, you tapped his hand. Curiously, he opened his palm, and you placed a small object on top of it.

Lev's smile contained nothing but pure, concentrated glee.

"Thank you for the button, _____-chan, I will always cherish this. Happy anniversary. I love you so much!"

-

You found yourself standing at the doorway of your shared bedroom. You longingly stared at the queen-sized bed. The sheets were crisp and the pillows were fluffed. You haven't been sleeping in that bed since Lev left the apartment. It just didn't feel right. There was something about a heavier loneliness whenever you tried to sleep alone in that bed when you were so damn used to having Lev sleep beside you. That's why you've been sleeping on the couch ever since; It's uncomfortable as all hell, yeah, but at least you don't feel a large empty space beside you when you sleep. Maybe a few crumbs here and there, but that was bearable.

You pattered your way back into the living room, where your laptop lay buried under the empty chip packets. You grabbed it from underneath the rubbish and brushed off other residue before plopping down on the couch. You slipped your arms into the sleeves of Lev's jacket and opened up your laptop. You've been neglecting your uni works for the past days because your sadness just didn't allow you to function properly.

Upon entering your passcode, the black background of the loading screen faded into a photo of you and Lev. He was wearing a minnie mouse headband, and you wore the matching mickey mouse one. You were standing in front of sleeping beauty's castle at Tokyo disneyland. You were wearing Lev's gray hoodie, which made it look like you were wearing a really short dress because of how long it was. You were both smiling like idiots, and you recalled that that trip was one of the best of your life. You never usually smiled like that, but because Lev carried you bridal style and kept touching your sides, you couldn't help but squirm and smile in the photo.

Once again, tears were brimming in the corners of your eyes. The stinging pain of heartbreak and regret stabbing you over and over again.

-

"It's Christmas in five days, _____." Lev popped up from behind you while you were decorating the tree.

"Jeez! Don't scare me like that, I nearly dropped the lights." You replied, calming your racing heart. Was it because of how he scared you, or because of how close he was? Honestly. you couldn't tell.

Lev could only chuckle at this, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He gave you a kiss on the cheek. "You know, my first year at uni has been great so far. Thanks to you and a few of my friends."

"That's great then." You said, tone of voice returning to a monotone one.

"I love you, _____."

You couldn't even recall all the times that you froze up whenever Lev admitted his feelings for you, but add one to whatever number it's at right now.

You could only swallow your saliva and grip the lights tighter. Say it, ______, say it! You kept yelling in your head. Why can't you fucking say it?!

"I knew it." A low laugh was heard from Lev's mouth. His fists were turning white because of how hard he balled them up. His nails were digging into his palm. "Sometimes, I wonder if you even actually love me. But I guess you never did."

You turned your head abruptly. "Haiba, that's-"

Lev let out a hearty laugh, throwing his head back. "We've been dating for over three years now and you still call me by my last name. Are you that uncomfortable with me, _____-san?"

You cringed at how he emphasized the honorific following your name, probably trying to prove a point.

"You know that's not true."

"Of course it is!" He snapped. " For god's sake, _____, three years! Three years, and not once have you told me that you love me!"

You were on the brink of crying. No. No, not in front of him. You weren't weak, you weren't going to cry.

"In all those years that we've been together, I have never seen you cry. Not even when we're upset with one another. Are you... that cold-hearted that you don't care or you don't even feel anything? Not even for your own boyfriend?"

Silence.

The words he spat were like venom.

You couldn't speak. Your mouth felt dry and your throat felt like it closed in an instant, like some sort of invisible throat cover just squeezed itself right there, preventing you from speaking.

"I see how it is."

With that, Lev spun on his heel and went to their room. He grabbed a backpack and stuffed it with a couple of shirts, his wallet, his phone, charger, and other necessities. He slipped on the thickest jacket he owned and went straight to the front door.

"Le-"

"Goodbye."

He slammed the door shut.

-

That was probably the first time that you broke down in years. Who knew that it would be a guy behind your facade fading?

Who knew that Haiba Lev would be the one to make you realize that being strong-willed didn't mean being cold-hearted and nonchalant?

"Stupid Lev." You muttered to yourself, hugging your knees to your chest. Admittedly, his name seemed to roll off your tongue nicely.

You desperately tried to wipe your tears away, but they just kept coming.

"Why do I love you so much?"

-

"Lev, are you sure you're okay with what you're doing?" Yaku asked the taller male, taking a sip from his beer mug.

"Yaku-san, we've been together for a little over three years. They've never told me that they loves me. Never even cried. I think they're just that stone-hearted," Lev replied, taking a shot of vodka. "Either that or they're a fucking robot."

He fiddled with the necklace around his neck, contemplating whether he was going to pull it off and stomp on it until it broke. The charm attached to his necklace was the button that _____ gave him on back during her graduation day.

"Lev, you better listen to me, and you better listen real fucking good." Yaku's tone of voice was sharp, and it was something that Lev hasn't heard since his years at Nekoma. "You do know that _____ can't express their emotions well, right? They're blunt with everybody, and they're honest. But when it comes to love or romance or feelings that make them happy, you know that they can't show it as easily as you do."

"Yeah, I know." Lev answered quietly.

"But you do know that they love you, right?"

"I don't."

"You're telling me that you've never even felt that they love you?"

Suddenly, Lev's eyes shot open.

-

"Christ, you're going to catch a cold! Why the hell did you run out in this rain?!"

"Sorry, sorry! I just had to rush here to see you! I missed you soooo much!"

"Get inside and hop in the shower. I'll prepare some warm food for you while you're in there. There's a spare towel in the cupboard above the sink."

"Thank you, _____-chan!"

-

"Stupid beanpole. I told you to change clothes after practice yesterday, didn't I?"

"Sorry, _____-chan. I totally forgot." He coughed.

"Here, drink this medicine. I'll reheat your porridge and grab you a cold towel for your head. I'll also bring in the assignments that Inuoka gave me."

"You'd be a good wife, _____-chan. My wife, that is." Another cough.

"Shut up and rest before I hit you with this notebook."

"Yes, yes, darling."

-

"Where were you?! We've been looking for you everywhere!"

"S-Sorry, _____-chan. I saw this cat stuck in a tree and I just had to rescue it!"

"Don't go running off like that! Do you know how worried the team was? How worried I was?! I thought you were gone! Look at how many scratches you have on your arm. You need to go to the infirmary, now."

"I-I'm sorry."

"Just... Don't do it again, please. Always be in my line of sight."

"Yes, _____-sama!"

-

"Haiba, here's your water bottle."

-

"Haiba, the forecast said that there might be a downpour in the afternoon. Don't forget to bring an umbrella."

-

"Haiba, you left your books at the gym. Here. Jeez, don't be so forgetful next time."

-

"Haiba, here, I bought your favorite meal. Furihata said that you forgot your lunch at home. You can't go hungry."

-

"Haiba, you're doing well. Your progress report shows continuous growth. I'm proud of you."

-

"I'm a fucking idiot." Lev said. His emerald green eyes were filled with tears. "Excuse me, I have to go."

With that, he dashed out of the bar, leaving a confused Yaku with a drunk Kuroo passed out behind him.

The former libero could only sight and take a giant gulp of beer.

"Damn right you are."

-

You were full on crying right now. Approximately 10 minutes before Christmas, and here you were, crying on the couch. Maika had given up on comforting you, but remained by your side as you bawled you eyes out, offering some sort of moral support or assurance that someone was there for you.

However, a few moments passed, and Maika's ears perked up. She jumped down from the couch and made her way to the front door of the apartment. She lightly scratched the door.

"M-Maika, I'm sorry. I know I'm being too loud, I'll pipe down soon." The girl blubbered, blowing into a tissue.

As if on cue, there were multiple knocks on the door.

Fuck's sake.

You didn't even care that you'd be facing whoever is on the other side of the door while looking like this. Your eyes were puffier, the bags under them more prominent. Your nose was a rosy red color, cheeks flushed and tear stains were obvious on them.

"Who the fuck-?"

As soon as you opened the door, a sudden warmth engulfed your body. The familiar fragrance you loved so much flooded your blocked nostrils.

"Le-"

"I'm sorry."

There was silence.

"I'm so sorry for everything that I said, _____. I take all of it back. I know that you love me. Your love language isn't vocal and I should have been more accepting and understanding of that. I may not know your reasons for being the way you are, but I promise you that I accept you wholly. I'm so, so fucking sorry that I left so suddenly. I love you so much. I'm never leaving you again."

Sobs racked through your body. Your form was shaking in Lev's arms. He was surprised. It's the first time he's seen you cry, and it breaks his heart knowing that he's the reason behind it.

"I'm sorry, kitten. Please don't cry anymore."

"Lev," You started, attempting to calm down, and Lev swore his heart stopped beating for a second, "I love you."

For a moment, everything stopped. They could hear the neighbors yelling "Merry Christmas!" in their own units.

"P-Pardon?"

You giggled. "I love you, Lev. I'm really sorry that it took me this long to tell you. I guess I was just scared of telling you how I really felt because... I didn't want you to think that I was cheesy or..."

Lev cut you off with a kiss. It was short and sweet. He could taste red bull and barbecue chips on your lips, and you could taste vodka on his. It was imperfect, but it was yours, and you loved it.

"I love you so much, _____. This is the best Christmas gift I've ever received."

"I love you too, Lev."

"Come on, let's get inside. I bought some takeout for us to eat." He easily lifted you up with one arm and grabbed the plastic bag of takeout with his free hand.

"Yeah, about that," You buried your face in his neck, "I'm sorry."

"We'll... Clean up tomorrow." He chuckled, looking at the messy state your living room was in. "We'll eat in our room, okay? Why don't you get cleaned up first, and I'll prepare the things we need." He placed a kiss on your cheek.

"Alright, Lev." You replied, "Sorry for causing a lot of trouble."

"Don't be sorry, malishka. We're fine now, okay? We have each other and we understand each other better now." He set you in front of the bathroom. "Now, go ahead and shower! I'll get a fresh set of clothes for you and leave them out here."

"Thank you, Lyovochka." You grinned, using Alisa's nickname for him.

"Anytime, babe." Lev turned around to go to the bedroom until,

"Hey, Lev?" You showed your head out of the bathroom door.

"Yes, _____?"

"I love you!"

The, the door was slammed shut.

"_____, you're too cute!" Lev had to use every strand of will power he had to not faint on the spot.

Who knew that his kuudere partner was such a huge softie?

Maola mewled and rubbed her head against Lev's leg.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Maika."

[sonic-wildfire]

Emotion Sickness: Diary Entries from Shadow the Hedgehog (Part 1)

Select entries from Shadow’s diary were found and compiled by Sonic (with Shadow’s permission) as an homage to both Shadow’s development and their relationship together. The entries were made between March 2009 and October 2013. This part of the compilation contains the entries made between March 2009 and December 2010.

10:53 PM - 4 March 2009

Hmph. Another day behind me. I crossed paths with Sonic today and he offered to have lunch with me. The request was somewhat flattering, but I turned it down. I don’t really need to eat.

Why is Sonic always so nice to me? It’s a liability to be within ten feet of him at this point, considering how much trouble he gets into. Whatever. I’m better by myself anyway.

5:02 PM - 19 July 2009

Amy visited me today and said she was here on Sonic’s behalf. Don’t know why, but she wanted me to know Sonic was offering to have me over at his place.

Sonic has a permanent home? Who knew?

I thought about it for a bit, but I declined. Again, I don’t understand why Sonic continues to do nice things for me even though I’m the most miserable being on the planet. It’s not that I hate them or anything, but I just can’t get close to anybody else. What if they reject me? What if...

Forget it.

I can’t think about this stuff. I’m going to take a nap. My thoughts are the last thing I need to be with right now.

6:46 PM - 30 November 2009

Wouldn’t you know it, that stubborn blue hedgehog turned up at my door today and again asked me to spend time with him. I was about to just tell him to piss off, but something about this interaction was different. I don’t know what, why, or how, but... it actually sounded appealing this time?

Very hesitantly, I said I’d think about it but don’t expect me to take you up on the offer. He just smiled, said okay, and left. 

Maybe I should at least try to be somewhat charitable for once. I called up Rouge and told her about what had happened and she just teased me over it before hanging up. You know, typical Rouge.

But she did tell me that it was ultimately my decision to make.

Hm. I think I might go after all.

12:25 PM - 2 December 2009

Just got back from having breakfast with Sonic. He was actually surprised I showed up. Honestly? I was surprised, too.

I didn’t talk too much, but Sonic... oh boy, Sonic. It’s like he never ran out of things to talk about. He’s smiling the entire time he’s with me, too. It was almost alluring just how much his bright demeanor contrasted with my moody self.

One of the things Sonic talked about was his friends. I was fully ready to just stop him right then and there (it rubs me the wrong way when anybody mentions friendship), but then he told me I was a “good friend” to him.

I asked him if he was serious. Sonic said yes.

In retrospect, it was certainly more eventful than most days. Perhaps little meetups like this would be healthier for me if I did them every once in a while.

3:59 AM - 28 May 2010

I can’t rest. I keep thinking about Sonic.

We’ve been meeting occasionally like I said I should. The longer I’m with Sonic, the more I begin to see in him what I could’ve been.

He’s a caring, generous man with everything going for him. People like him. He has a purpose in life. He’s coolheaded, rational, and valuable to society.

So why on Earth would Sonic be spending time with me, a reprehensibly depressed alien who is so completely worthless and undeserving of care? How could he possibly like me when I don’t even like myself?

I’m tired and tears are pricking at the corners of my eyes. I need to talk to someone in the morning.

1:51 AM - 29 May 2010

I called Rouge and told her about last night. She wasn’t very vocal, but she did offer a little encouragement. She said I don’t get enough sleep and that a little bit of rest would put me at ease for a bit. But I’m still on edge. What does Sonic see in me that I don’t? Or am I just overthinking this? My thoughts are erratic right now, so I’m sorry to anyone reading if this doesn’t make sense.

Ugh.

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes already.

I’m so weak. I’m so pathetic.

Who would ever want to spend time with someone like me?

All I do is brood in the corner of the room all day and be an asshole to everybody. I don’t understand how anybody could be tolerant of me, much less a “friend.”

Yet... I’m still drawn to Sonic. For whatever reason, he’s just so inviting. He’s nice. Too nice.

11:32 AM - 8 August 2010

Over the past few months, Sonic and I have been visiting each other more often, and not much has changed.

From me, at least.

Sonic has been growing even kinder towards me than before. Sometimes, he’ll give me small gifts like a scarf. Other times, he’ll ask me about myself. If I were ready, I would’ve just spilled my true feelings about myself right then and there.

But I wasn’t ready. So I just talked about the very few things I did find enjoyment in. Gardening, space, and Chao. I begged him to never tell anybody about what I said to him, and he looked at me like I had three heads but vowed to keep it a secret anyway.

I just don’t know. Sonic’s a good guy, but... I can’t bring myself to be friendly with him. If I start growing close with people, they’ll just die or leave me and I’ll be heartbroken again just like last time. I can’t go through that again. I’m not strong enough.

I appear tough on the outside. But the truth is, I’m always on the verge of breaking down. My mental state is so volatile and virtually uncontrollable.

Chaos damn it, just get out of my head already!

3:40 PM - 23 December 2010

The holiday season. A time for joy, reminiscing on the past, looking forward to the new year, and exchanging gifts.

For everybody else, that is.

Ever since I came here, I’ve spent every Christmas alone.

All the others have a big gathering at Sonic’s house, having a good time (allegedly). I was never interested in these and I always declined every single invitation I got from Sonic. Yet, like clockwork, he still sends me one every year. Maybe hoping that I’ll change my mind one year.

After a lot of self-reflection over the past year, though, I’m not sure how much more invitations I can reject before Sonic gives up trying.

I crumble in social situations. Interacting with anybody other than Rouge, Omega, or Sonic for more than ten seconds takes an insane amount of willpower.

Something has to give. Either I go for once or they stop trying.

12:48 AM - 24 December 2010

I’ve decided I need to go. Maybe bring one of my Chao if things go wrong. I’m not necessarily doing this because I want to go. In fact, I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t go because at least I know things can’t go wrong if I’m by myself.

But I can’t stop thinking about Sonic and his friends. It drives me crazy.

9:21 PM - 24 December 2010

Party’s tomorrow. Note to self: don’t fuck this up.

11:17 PM - 26 December 2010

How quickly things can change has always amazed me. Tonight proved that.

Everybody was really surprised to see me showing up, but they said they were all grateful I showed up. Sonic, of course, was the first to welcome me, giving me a hug that admittedly felt like a breath of fresh air after so much time alone. Then again, I have a reputation so I needed to act like he was crushing me to death.

I didn’t spend much time talking with other people, though I did exchange some small talk with Rouge. The usual.

As the party grew longer, I found myself being... complimented by others?

Knuckles said he hoped I was “doing well.” Cream gave me a single flower while wishing me a merry Christmas. Tails shyly waved at me (I put on a smile and waved back). Omega said I was “one of the only creatures made of flesh” he trusted.

I’m sorry. Did these people forget who they were talking to?

Dinner was fine, though I was particularly eager about the sweets. Oh, right, I forgot to mention I have a knack for candy. The more you know.

Of course, then it was time for gifts. I swear you could fill the Grand Canyon with the sheer amount of presents under the tree. I guessed that roughly three of those were for me, ready to be mailed to me if I didn’t show up.

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw eight presents being dropped into my lap and all of them reading “To: Shadow.”

We all took turns opening our presents. I had two presents from Amy (a coffee mug and a Chao toy), one present from Espio (a kunai), one present from Tails (a bag of coffee beans), one present from Knuckles (a Kill la Kill DVD) and... three presents from Sonic?!

The first one was classic Sonic stuff. A sweater with the word “faker” sewed on the chest. He thought that one was really funny. I didn’t really care.

The second one was more genuine. A pair of rocket boosters for my shoes. My old ones are just about dead, so this was welcome.

The third one... subverted all expectation. It was a small box that contained a piece of paper. It read:

“Dear Shadow, stay after the party and meet me upstairs when the others leave. Signed, Sonic.”

The others were curious about what Sonic meant by this. Silver joked that I was being sent to the principal’s office.

Eventually, the party came to a close and people left. I went upstairs as Sonic had told me, and there he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

He motioned for me to take a seat next to him. I sat down and asked him what he wanted me for, half-expecting something stupid.

“I understand you haven’t had the easiest life...”

I instantly got up to leave. No way I was sticking around to hear this again.

But Sonic grabbed my arm and yanked me back to the bed, his face now spelling genuine concern.

“...I know you mean well. Sometimes, you do things that we think are dumb but actually turn out to be smart. Other times, you just do dumb stuff. But that’s not the point. The point is, I want you to know that I’m still here for you. I can tell you’re bothered by your thoughts. But the bottom line is that I, and we, care about you. We love you, Shadow. I love you. Please don’t think you’re not worthy of being cared about. We have our ups and downs, but we always work it out eventually, right? I know your thought process works differently than mine. That does not make you any less deserving of respect. My greatest wish is that you would love yourself as much as we love you.”

I was stunned. That bastard. Quickly losing my composure, I began blubbering about how I couldn’t stand the thought of getting close to someone just to lose them again. How I’m so terrified that I will just be manipulated and used by people pretending to be my “friend.”

Sonic told me that he would never go away and that he would never “use” me.

Fuck. Fuck.

Sonic embraced me and I’m embarrassed to admit that I began sobbing as I wrapped my arms around him. I swore to myself that I’d never show any kind of weakness around them.

“It’s okay to cry,” he told me. “Don’t be afraid anymore. I’m here now. I’m here.”

“And I always will be. That’s a promise.”

[jokertrap-ran]

(未定事件簿) 莫弈 SR [松雪童话] [Tears of Themis] Mo Yi SR [Snowy Pine Fairytales] Card Story Translations (Part 2)

*Tears of Themis Masterlist / Mo Yi’s Masterlist / Mobile Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Check out Chapter 1 of Mo Yi’s Private Story here!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / SMS

Demon King: Squeak—

As if answering my doubts, Demon King slowly relaxed again. It even slowly reached its forelimbs out to tentatively touch Mo Yi's fingers.

MC: (Oh… It looks like it really isn't as terrified anymore.)

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

He slowly moved his arm closer to being Demon King closer to him.

Maybe it felt appeased, for its bushy tail started swaying back and forth, as if to express how close it felt to him.

MC: Just like back when I first saw it, Demon King really seems to have taken a liking to you, Dr. Mo.

Mo Yi: Yes. Judging by how it's behaving, it looks like it trusts me quite a bit.

Mo Yi warmly returned the small creature’s gaze, the warmth within his golden eyes akin to the warm rays of the winter sun.

It wasn’t piercing, but warm, and comfortable. The sort of warmth that made me sincerely feel at ease from the bottom of my heart.

MC: (Maybe… Maybe this is why Demon King’s willing to get closer to Dr. Mo.)

Now, both the silver-coated woods and Mo Yi’s own silvery hair reflected a plethora of wonderful colors as the sun’s rays fell upon them. Adding onto the scene was the cute Demon King, forming a picturesque scene full of warmth that made people unwilling to disrupt it.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Demon King gradually got used to its surroundings. It looked at Mo Yi, before turning towards me, who stood beside him.

MC: Now that we’ve found him, we should hurry and bring him back. I’m sure the little guy’s anxiously waiting for its return.

Mo Yi: Yes.

Mo Yi gently gestured to Demon King to enter the pocket of his coat; it cocked its head, as if pondering. Following that, it followed the path down the sleeve of his shirt, eventually jumping snugly into his coat pocket.

Only a furry little head could be seen peeking out from his pocket, alertly surveying its surroundings.

MC: How wonderous… It looks like it understands you...

MC: Unless... Are you also capable of reading the minds of little animals?

Mo Yi laughed, but made no comment.

Mo Yi: It’s nothing all that strange. I think that it has just gotten used to listening to people since it's been living together with humans for so long.

MC: You do have a point there.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

And that was how we brought Demon King back to Snowy Pine Village. It had stayed quietly inside Mo Yi's pocket the entire trip back, never once making another attempt to escape.

It was already getting late by the time we returned to the village.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Location: Snowy Pine Village

The boy had long since been waiting for us at the village entrance, exclaiming in joy the moment he saw us.

Little Boy: Yay! You've brought Demon King back!

We had only just stopped in front of him when Demon King leapt onto his hand, affectionately pawing at his face.

Mo Yi took out the whistle and returned it to the boy, who carefully tucked it away.

Little Boy: I just knew that it'd come back as long as you blew that whistle! This is mom's whistle; it really likes mom.

Mo Yi: Keep a close eye on it and don't let it run off again.

Demon King: Squeak squeak sque-squeak!

Little Boy: Demon King says thank you!

The boy didn't sound as guarded as before anymore, and his expression had also softened a tad.

MC: You're welcome, Demon King.

MC: But can you really communicate with it, little buddy?

Little Boy: Yeah! Demon King knows lots of super spells, so of course it understands what I say!

Spells? I immediately asked him the question that had been festering at the bottom of my heart.

MC: About that, could you tell me why you named it Demon King? There must be some special meaning to that, right?

Little Boy: Because Demon Kings are great! The Demon Kings in fairy tales always know everything and they even have spells that can control time!

Little Boy: As long as I have Demon King's spells, mom and dad can come back!

MC: …...

So Demon King's name simply originated from his own innocent fantasies; but I never thought… That it actually had some sort of special meaning.

Speaking of which, I haven't seen this child's parents at all up, and even his guardian never made an appearance up till now. Maybe it's really just like I deduced earlier...

I was just mulling over the thought when I suddenly caught sight of an old grandmother with a walking stick coming towards us from the village.

Grandmother: Little Meng, have you found Demon King yet?

His grandmother had a full head of grey hair and appeared to have some difficulty walking despite being supported by a walking stick.

The boy hurriedly dashed towards her to provide support.

Little Boy: I found him. You're not fit to be out here, Gran. Why did you come back outside?

Grandmother: You didn't come home after such a long time and I was getting worried about you, so I came out to have a look.

As she spoke, she Mo Yi and I standing to the side.

Grandmother: Did you guys help him find Demon King?

Mo Yi: Indeed. It only took little effort.

His grandmother looked kindly at us for a while before waving towards the boy.

Grandmother: Alright, you go off and play first. I want to talk to this brother and sister for a bit.

Little Boy: 'Kay! I'll go bring Demon King home first.

Watching the little boy leave with his squirrel in tow, his grandmother turned to us with an apologetic smile.

Grandmother: Sorry, little Meng must have caused you guys much trouble.

MC: I see, so he's called little Meng?

Grandmother: Yes, little Meng is just the nickname that his mother gave him; he's my grandson.

Grandmother: How do I address the both of you?

MC: I'm (Y/n), and he's Mo Yi. We're here to celebrate Christmas.

Mo Yi: Sorry for not formally giving you an introduction earlier; that was rather rude of me.

Grandmother: You are too humble.

Grandmother: Haa, it's not often that people come by these parts, and young people like you are an even rarer occurrence.

Grandmother: Both of his parents aren't here together with him, you see. So, it's only us, a grandma and her grandchild, living together like this… Thankfully, he still has a squirrel to help ease some of his boredom.

MC: ……

She sighed, speaking to us solemnly.

Grandmother: Young lad and miss, I have something to ask of you, but I don't know if you'll agree to it.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆  

Location: Snowy Pine Village

Grandmother: Young lad and miss, I have something to ask of you, but I don't know if you'll agree to it.

Mo Yi: Your tone has taken a serious turn. I take it that whatever you're going to tell us now has something to do with little Meng?

Mo Yi: Go on. We'll definitely help you out if it's something within our ability to.

Hearing this, little Meng's grandmother looked at Mo Yi in surprise, but was also thankful that he was willing to lend an ear.

Grandmother: Alright then, I'll get straight to the point. It's going to be Christmas very soon, so… Could the both of you celebrate this festival with him?

Grandmother: Like setting up a tree or something or decorating the house with him…

Grandmother: I'm not too familiar with these foreign practices and there are very few youngsters in this village, so he's literally unable to find any playmates.

Grandmother: Oh, you can just celebrate the occasion at my place. There's no one else other than me and that child.

MC: Of course, we can do it! We originally came here to celebrate Christmas anyway!

Grandmother: I'm really thankful to the both of you… His parents would celebrate it with him in the past, but they're no longer here together with him anymore… Haa...

MC: About that... Sorry, but could I ask where his parents went off to?

Mo Yi: Please be assured, we only want to understand little Meng a little better in order to celebrate this festival with him.

Grandmother: Of course, it'd actually not anything worth hiding.

Grandmother: We're a small village and we can't plant anything when it's snowing during winter, so our economic situation hasn't been very good.

Grandmother: The youngsters of this village went out of town to work, so that they could earn a living. His parents were the same.

Grandmother: A few years ago, his parents were still not that busy and could afford to come home for the New Years. It was also then that his mother brought Demon King back.

Grandmother: His mother told him that the squirrel was his "Christmas present", and even made a small red ribbon for it.

Grandmother: The three if them lugged a huge tree back from the forest and hung colorful little things on it. It was shiny and pretty nice-looking.

Grandmother: Foreign festivals like this are much more popular in the city, and that was also when I first learnt about this "Christmas" that they spoke of… Haa...

Grandmother: Not to mention that he was beyond happy. This child, he'd always be so elated whenever his parents came home that he'd giddily go along with whatever without so much as a peep... 

MC: I see, no wonder he...

His grandmother continued speaking, sighing, and shaking her head again as she did.

Grandmother: But his parents have only been getting increasingly busier with their work these past two years. So much that we now saw neither hide nor hair of them, and phone calls only come once in a blue moon…

Grandmother: At the beginning, he'd always pester me, asking me when his parents would return. I'd always tell him soon, but even he stopped believing me after the nth time.

Grandmother: Eventually, he started talking to the squirrel and would disappear along with it in tow time and time again. He even gave it such a weird name according to a book.

Grandmother: Haa… This kid was so cute back then that it's laughable, but now, he doesn't care about anyone but that squirrel of his.

Grandmother: But we can't blame his parents for this either. I mean, who would be willing to work all day every day outside like that? If it wasn't for me and this child...

She had only spoken halfway before breaking out into a fit of violent coughs.

I hurriedly reached forwards to gently pat her on the back. It was only after a while that her coughing fit calmed.

MC: Are you alright!?

Grandmother: ...Cough, cough. I'm fine, it's just one of the woes of sickness that come with getting old, just that it gets worse as time goes on.

Grandmother: I'm afraid I can't celebrate this festival with him even if I wanted to…

She gradually lowered her voice, her eyes filled with an inconsolable sadness.

MC: ...Granny, you...

It was hard for me not to feel a little depressed at the thought of spending a lonely Christmas alone.

Noticing how I was acting unnaturally, Mo Yi gently patted my arm and walked up to the elderly woman.

Mo Yi: ...I understand. You wish for us to spend Christmas with him, to let him revisit the warmth he shared with his parents back then.

Mo Yi: All thought there is no way that we can compare to his actual parents themselves, I'm willing to give it a try for him.

Grandmother: Young lad, young miss; you're both really such kind Samaritans.

After having finished speaking, his grandmother moved to give a shaky bow whilst trembling at the effort. Mo Yi hurriedly went to support her back up.

Mo Yi: Don't worry about it, we're only doing what we can to help.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆  

Location: Country Villa

That day, we had another long talk with his grandmother. The sky was almost completely dark by the time we returned to the Villa.

I stood in front of the window and gazed out at the quiet snowy night in this mountainous village, yet my heart refused to settle no matter how long I stood.

MC: ...I'm sure little Meng is sad, deep down in his heart.

Mo Yi came up from behind, gently placing a blanket over my shoulders. Warmth flowed from my shoulders to the depths of my heart.

Mo Yi: The temperature by the window is lower; don't catch a cold.

MC: ... Thank you, Dr. Mo.

Mo Yi: Still thinking about little Meng?

MC: Yeah… Just like we've seen in the day, they aren't the only ones. This village is filled with lots of elderly and children who are dependent on each other…

I purposely made a point to observe how things were like in Snowy Pine Village ever since we left little Meng's house.

MC: From the looks of things, it really seems like this village is filled with those that have to be left behind.

Mo Yi: Yes; many of the villagers have left to work elsewhere, leaving parents who are getting on in age along with their children, which has caused this phenomenon of a left-behind village.

Mo Yi: Children who grow up with the lack of parental care will be more prone to mental problems, especially the younger ones.

Mo Yi: I will apply for care assistance once we return. I'll also make sure to write up a report about this and send it to the organizer of the Seminar.

Mo Yi: They are currently preparing for a "Plan to care for left-behind children", and I hope this village will be included in it.

MC: That's great then.

Mo Yi: But it'll still be a lot harder on the children since their parents are not with them.

MC: …...

MC: (Come to think of it, I haven't… Seen my parents in a long while too...)

Upon hearing little Meng's experiences in the day, I couldn't help but to imagine how my parents spent every festival together, alone, after I had left. Whether it be the beautiful memories of spending Christmas together with my parents, or whether it be the loneliness that came after from being alone; I had experienced them both.

I tried to hold it back earlier while we were still in front of little Meng's grandmother, so it didn't show; but now, I felt a little taken with my thoughts since the memories had surged back into the forefront of my mind.

Mo Yi: (Y/n), you seem to particularly understand little Meng very well. Did it remind you about your own parents?

I couldn't hide it myself anymore when faced by Mo Yi's eyes that overflowed with warmth.

MC: Nothing really escapes you, Dr. Mo… I don't even remember when I'd mentioned them around you.

Yes, perhaps it had been something that I had just happened to bring up one fine day; but yet, he had remembered it all so clearly.

He was quick to notice fluctuations in my mood, comforting me immediately, just like how he did in the day.

MC: Sorry for making you worry.

He gently held onto my hand, his low voice sounding crystal clear by my ear.

Mo Yi: Not at all. I simply pay more attention to the people and the things I keep close to heart.

Mo Yi: Emotions have to be let out. Not only will it be hard on you if you suppress it, but you might even fall sick from it.

Mo Yi: You don't have to put up facades around me. You can tell me; be it sadness or when you're feeling at a loss.

Mo Yi: There's no need to feel sorry or sheepish that you might be troubling me with it. I'm willing to listen to whatever you may share, regardless of what it may be.

MC: ……

Mo Yi: Alright. It's not early anymore so you should retire early for the day.

Mo Yi: I really look forward to decorating the Christmas Celebration venue; for little Meng, and also for you.

That night, I slept very soundly.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆  

Location: Country Fair

The next day, we went to the nearby fair, just as little Meng's grandmother had told us to, and bought a wide variety of things that included decorations and presents alike.

Looking at the dazzling array of small trinkets, I totally immersed myself in the festive atmosphere as I went on quite the shopping spree.

MC: We've bought everything we need! I think they'll definitely like them!

Mo Yi took the many bags of decorations that I held, big and small ones alike, and handed me a cup of hot drink.

Mo Yi: How about we pick out gifts for each other too, (Y/n)?

MC: Of course; I was just about to ask you what you liked!

Mo Yi: How about this then? We'll split up and go search for our gifts, then we'll keep it secret and take it out together only on Christmas Eve.

Mo Yi: Just think of it as something to surprise the other; how does that sound?

MC: Sure, sounds really interesting!

Mo Yi: You don't have to spend too much effort looking for a gift for me, so just choose anything that you like.

Mo Yi: It's the thought that counts; I'm sure I'll like anything you give me.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆  

I spent the next few days thinking about what present I should get him for Christmas, until the I saw a wood carving of a squirrel set out on an old craftsman's storefront.

A lightbulb lit up in my head and I asked the craftsman to customize a wood carving of a squirrel for me; one that wore Mo Yi's glasses on it.

With his expert craftsmanship skills, the squirrel that wore gold wire-framed glasses turned out looking utterly adorable and intelligent.

When I first saw the finished product, I just couldn't put it down as I stared at it in awe, already a little reluctant to give it away as a gift.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆  

Location: Country Villa

MC: It's really cute! I can't wait to see the look on Dr. Mo's face when he sees it.

MC: I wonder what present he prepared though...

───⋅𝕿𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊…⋆⋅☆

[aloysiavirgata]

The Way That Light Attaches To A Girl

Title:  The Way That Light Attaches To A Girl

Author: Aloysia Virgata

Rating: PG (language)

Timeline: Season 1

Summary:  Maybe she’s not so bad, this gingery little doctor.

Author’s Notes:  Mulder reads Cicero and finds the method of loci tool useful in honing an eidetic memory. Also, the timeline of this show is absurd. Per canon, the Pilot is in March of 1992. But here it’s March of 1993 because...I just can’t, honestly. Thank you to @perplexistan for reminding me that I wrote this in 2013, and talking me through the timeline.

*** It's been a long December and there's reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself To hold on to these moments as they pass - Counting Crows *** It’s gritty outside, gritty and gray with a rime of salt on everything. There are pockets of rotten snow for him to kick, slushy and satisfying against his heavy shoes. He pulls his coat tighter, feeling like a hard-boiled detective in a pulp paperback, thinking this would be a good time for a cigarette if he still smoked. His divorce papers were filed this time last year, just like his parents’ had been a couple decades back. The ink had scarcely been dry on the marriage certificate when they realized they didn’t know each other and changed their minds. It was the same time Diana left him and his - their - files for whatever the fuck had summoned her across the sea. Paperwork, as ever in his life, was all that remained of these experiences. If this were really a detective story, he thinks, stepping over a soggy Washington Post, a tall cool blonde would have walked in through the frozen mist and into his arms. Someone lithe, with red lipstick and half-lidded violet eyes. She would look like Veronica Lake and speak in a low, compelling voice, urging him to do brave and outlandish things to thwart the Nazis. He’d wear a fedora, buy a mink stole for the blonde. They’d drink martinis and make love in dark hotels smelling of leather and intrigue. But he’s not living in a dime-store novel, he’s living in Alexandria on Christmas Eve 1993 (“The New Age of Angels,” claimed Time magazine, somewhat cryptically) and is eager to turn the last page in his calendar. Mulder knows it’s symbolic only, that his Eurocentrism is showing, but he still watches the ball drop on TV. Last year he’d kissed a woman in a bar and gone home with her too, but doesn’t think he’d remember her face if he saw it. He hasn’t got the energy to entice a stranger this year, and Scully’s hardly his type. He shouldn’t be sleeping with coworkers anyway, it’s never worth the trouble and the FBI is full of people who are paid to do nothing but sniff out secrets. Besides, he is now 32 years old which is really about time to start getting your shit together even if your baby sister was abducted by aliens at Thanksgiving. Mulder generally holds the holidays in low regard. He pauses to watch a small flock of cats at an upended trash can, feasting upon pungent things like battlefield ravens. One of the cats glances at him sidelong, narrowing round yellow eyes as though Mulder has designs on the gray thing it’s gnawing at. He holds his hands up to show the cats he wishes them no harm, keeps walking. Scully had offered to drive him home but he thanked her and caught the blue line, the clank and rattle of the train making him feel like some variety of normal businessman. Maybe people thought he was a banker or a Congressional staffer, going home to a twinkling Douglas fir and a mantle hung with stockings. Nine months and a broken condom can, in many circumstances, result in a whole new person. But it’s been nine months with Scully and she’s still her own woman, though Christ knows Mulder’s tried to remake her in his own image. She’s trudged alongside him through graveyards, military bases, bad diners, and one memorable night in Pennsylvania where she had captured a frantic bat in the hotel lobby. (“Do you want to wait for it to take human form before I release it?” she’d asked drily.) Through all of it she remained disbelieving and supercilious, leaving him vexed. She’d chirped “Merry Christmas, Mulder” at him, assuming that he celebrated Christmas and was capable of merriment. He was afraid Scully’d bring in a little Charlie Brown tree for the office, ornaments smooth and shining as her earnest face. She is skeptical in all the wrong ways and probably has the Michael Bolton Christmas album on her stereo at this very moment. She probably has eggnog in the fridge and will drink it without rum. She probably likes fruitcake and ham with pineapple rings on it. Mulder, going home to the shadows of his apartment where he might listen to Pink Floyd and nurse his resentment with three fingers of whiskey, feels justified in his scorn. A couple loaded with gifts pushes past him and he nearly loses his balance on a patch of black ice, clutches at a lamp post. He gazes up at the endless sky as snow begins to fall again. (Scully’s probably delighted by the prospect of a white Christmas, probably whistling a few bars of the song as she puts on a green sweater.) But he’s being unfair, isn’t he? For all her tattling back to the higher ups, she’s never tried to present herself as an angel. Her primary fault is in not being Diana, not being a tall dark moon goddess. Being pretty rather than beautiful, being frank rather than alluring. He’s seen her smoking a couple of times, discovered that she says “Jesus!” a lot so that she doesn’t say “fuck” or “shit.” This amuses him; he thought the blasphemy would be worse. He knows Scully watches what she eats but turns to carbohydrates and wine in times of stress. He found out she was sleeping with that asshole Jack Willis, which really threw him for a loop because Scully has a schoolteacherish quality that led him to presume premarital abstinence. He thinks of her in that first motel room, her smooth back beneath his hands, her panic turning on some masculine caveman switch. It’s been a long year, perhaps she could be his type after all despite her sensible underwear. She’s attractive enough if you like that sort of Hibernian look. He can tell she’s a bit awed by him and he could manipulate that to his advantage. Mulder walks the last slushy block thinking impious thoughts about Catholic school uniforms and playing doctor. The honeycomb tile of his building is muddied, layered with fragments of leaves and footprints. A radio blares something about Barbra Streisand doing her first live concert in twenty years. Mulder shakes his head and imagines his mother on the Vineyard, frothing with excitement. “Merry Christmas Agent Mulder,” says Leo, the maintenance guy. Leo’s got some kind of intellectual disability that Mulder hasn’t bothered to diagnose, but he’s always quick to replace a kicked-in lock or a shot-out window, and Mulder therefore regards him as a master craftsman. He gives Leo money every year at Christmas. At present he’s attacking the hallway sludge with an ancient mop. “Merry Christmas, Leo.” He gets his mail, sorting through it as he ambles to the elevator. Bill; bill; Playboy; Christmas cards from his doctor, dentist, and insurance agent; coupons; a thick manila envelope from the divorce attorney. Mulder rolls it all into a bundle and shoves it under his arm. He’s fumbling with his keys when the elevator deposits him on the fourth floor. There are wreaths on most of the doors in his building, a handful of mezuzas. Number 42, as usual, conforms to no given standard. He stops when he sees Scully leaning against his door. “Um,” he says. “Hey.” She waves her fingertips, looking uncomfortable. She’s holding a cardboard FedEx envelope. “I forgot to give you this before you left.” “Okay,” he says, uncertain about the idea of Scully on his turf. “Hang on a sec.” He makes sure the packet from the lawyer is hidden, though she’s probably heard the whole story. He knows what the talk is. They all act like he’s John fucking Douglas, like he can guess what number they’re thinking of based on how they part their hair. He’s a sideshow act, the guy who can think like John Roche and Monty Props. A freak. Scully turns to slouch against the wall while he jiggles the latest lock open, wishing there were a convenient place to stash a can of WD-40. “So, uh, come on in, I guess.” She turns, walks under his arm as he hold the door open, and stands in the entryway. The door clicks shut behind him, a final sound. Mulder puts his mail on the kitchen counter, tossing his coat over it. “You want anything to drink?” he calls to her, unsure if he can make good on the offer. What the hell does Scully drink? Tea? Zima? He’s got a few beers in the fridge, his wife’s wine is long finished. “No, I’m good.” Her coat’s draped over her arm when he comes back out, and he hangs it up for her. He notices that she’s wearing jeans with a navy cable-knit sweater, no tartan in sight. Her boots are dark and practical. Mulder shrugs off his jacket, loosens his tie out of its regulation noose. “Here, sit down. There’s, uh, the couch is right over there.” His couch is the atramentous green of algae, appearing black in the close room. “So what’s up?” She holds out the folder to him. “I realized I had this when I got home and since it’s a three day weekend, I wanted to make sure you had it. I thought it might be important.” Scully sits down close to the edge of the couch, much of her weight on her knees. She presses her hands together between them after Mulder takes the envelope, bouncing a little bit. He looks at the return address and groans. Arlinsky, that idiot from the Smithsonian. Mulder’s got enough credibility issues without this nutcase on his tail. He tosses the envelope on his cluttered desk for later perusal. Scully, as the messenger, looks apologetic. “Bad news?” He sits next to her, why not? “Nah, just…you know. The usual.” “Ah.” He watches her do a quick scan of his apartment. He has nothing to be ashamed of, she can look around. Mulder removes his tie completely now, untucks his shirt and leans into the corner of his couch. “So I’m surprised you’re here, Scully. I got the impression Christmas was a…thing. For your family.” He waves his hand vaguely, as though families are something he read about in a Margaret Mead article but never fully understood. Something closes in Scully’s face, which intrigues him. Discomfort usually comes with a good story, but he’ll tease it out of her later. She scratches her elbow, stalling. “I’m going to go by my parents’ house tomorrow.” “Not tonight? No big Scully celebration with stockings hung by the fire and cookies for Santa?” He has picked these ideas up from Oxford and Christmas music. Santa would probably prefer a cold longneck and some nachos. “My sister’s coming in tomorrow, she’s staying with my parents so they’re getting everything ready tonight. My younger brother and his family too, they’re getting in late.” Scully looks faintly guilty for this wealth of relatives. Which one of them are you avoiding, Dana? “Fun,” he says in a tone that he hopes is not sarcastic. Scully shrugs, picks at the cuff of her sweater. “Yeah, it’ll be good. I’ll get to see my niece and nephew. What about you? What are you doing?” “Oh, just…you know. Laying low.” He’s meeting up with the Gunmen for Chinese food and bootleg video games from some Japanese guy they know, but he’s not ready to tell Scully about them. In part because she might want to meet them and would end up charging Frohike with a sex crime. “Sounds good,” she says in a non-judgmental tone. “I could use some down time myself.” “Job wearing on you?” Going to wimp out and request a transfer? She puffs a breath of air out, pushes the tip of her tongue to her top lip. “No. Well, I mean, it’s hard. We travel so much, I didn’t do that before and it’s taking some adjustment.” Mulder drapes an arm over the back of the couch, wishing he could take his pants off and order a pizza. But he wants to know more about what drives her; Diana left him wary of unknown quantities, and this is his first opportunity to peer into Scully’s head. “Yeah, I guess they mostly shipped the cadavers to you before, huh? When you were doing doctor things?” He sees a slight narrowing of her eyes at this, the implication that she’s not a doctor now. The fact that she took it as an insult means it’s a vulnerability. “Mostly.” He decides to push it, being as he has home field advantage. “How come you decided to stop practicing medicine?” Scully sits up straight, her palms on the tops of her thighs. “I didn’t realize I had.” Prickly. “Oh, sorry, no offense. I just….you left your residency to join the FBI, right?” Faker, he knows her career trajectory down to the day. “My work as a Special Agent has always revolved around my background in forensic pathology. I just felt…called to the FBI as the place to best put those skills to use.” Called, religious imagery. Interesting. Her reply had a rehearsed sound, it’s something she’s repeated numerous times. Who gives her grief about being an FBI agent? A younger brother wouldn’t, would probably look up to that. Mom or Dad, most likely, though it could be one of the older siblings. He’d put his money on Dad or big brother based on the cold formality of her words. Both men are in the military, she’d speak to that. And big brother wasn’t mentioned as being in town, so Dad it is. He throws her a bone for revealing so much. “I’ve heard nothing but commendations.” “Thanks.” The appreciation seems genuine. “So what about you, Mulder? Why….this?” Scully holds her arms out like an orchestra conductor. The gesture encompasses his desk, the groaning bookshelves and fading newspaper clippings. Area 51, Reticulans, ectoplasm, and jackalopes. “Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible,” he quotes. “Feynman.” Scully knows her physicists. “It’s the perfect con, really. I figured out a way to get the federal government to pay for my hobbies.” He hopes that will satisfy her, but knows better. “Why is it your hobby?” Ah, Scully. You little investigator, you. “I’m a lousy knitter.” She smiles. “Because of your sister?” He steeples his fingertips, taps them against his chin. It’s tempting to blow her off, but he considers the implications of her presence. There was no reason to bring that letter by; she could have called and he could have told her to round-file it. She’s trying to build something between them, she’s looking past his annoyance with her assignment and he’s not going to slap her hand away on Christmas Eve. “Hold that thought,” he says. Mulder goes to the kitchen for the beers and the churchkey magnet stuck to the freezer. He checks for food, but a cursory examination reveals that Scully is going to have to make do with some brews. She’s peering into the fish tank when he returns, scrutinizing the inhabitants. “I think one of your mollies is pregnant,” she says. “That spotted one.” “Yeah, they’re prolific little cannibals. Here, Scully. Have a drink.” He holds the bottle out to her when she turns, watches her hesitate for an instant before accepting. “Thanks,” she says. “Though I probably shouldn’t.” She pops the lid off when he’s done with the opener. Takes a long drink. “So,” he says, returning to his seat on the couch. “Why do I spend my time looking for ET and yetis, right?” Scully rolls the bottle between her palms. “It’s hard for me to understand why someone with your abilities chooses to use those gifts this way.” Once she rides out this dogleg, Mulder thinks, she’ll go far in the Bureau with her careful diplomacy. “When my sister was…taken, it was the first time that none of the authority figures in my life had an answer. Not my parents, my teachers, the police…no one could tell me what had happened. Years went by and there was still no solution. People stopped thinking about it, you know? They just acted like she was gone and that’s all there was to it.” “But not you.” Her voice is gentle. “I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that this was a question with an answer, even if no one wanted to delve deeper into what that answer was. I became, well, obsessed with the idea that there were all of these mysteries out there with answers that people were uncomfortable finding. So when I found the X-Files…” He glances sidelong at his partner, her nutmeg freckles and her cinnamon hair. “Isn’t that what you were doing already, though? Solving impossible cases?” He shrugs. “They weren’t impossible. They followed a pattern if you knew what to look for. But what I do now, no one wants the answer, Scully. That’s the real challenge.” “You caught Monty Props. Props, Jesus, that case is legendary! I want to understand, I do. I see what you’re saying about the challenge, it does make a kind of sense. But when I think about the people you stopped…” She shakes her head. She doesn’t get it. But she’s trying instead of dismissing him. That’s something. “That’s just it. Your reaction, it’s…look. Serial killers, they’re sexy. The public loves them. Everyone wants to be Bill Patterson or, or… Jack Crawford, right? People still read about Jack the Ripper, they practically turn these psychopaths into folk heroes. There will never be a shortage of people wanting to do what I did.” Half the beer is gone in his next swallow. Scully looks thoughtful, her thumbnail at the damp corner of the label on her bottle. “So this is like, what? Like a martyr thing? If you walk away from the limelight for this then it makes up for never knowing what happened to your sister?” She turns her head to give him a level gaze, her eyes so blue and clear they seem artificial at times. He’s been called worse than a martyr, but somehow it stings. “Martyr? That’s condescending.” “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry. I just, I guess it’s hard for me to understand what you hope to gain. What all this means to you in the end.” Mulder’s had enough of her analysis. “I’m not like you, I don’t crave approval.” It’s her turn to look stung. “I didn’t mean to pry.” He sighs. “Your questions aren’t unfair. It’s been a hard year.” “I heard.” There’s sympathy in her tone and he tries not to resent it. “Listen, Scully, I know you didn’t ask for this assignment and you’re doing your best with a bad hand. It’s just hard to share a career I’m passionate about with someone who pretty clearly thinks it’s a waste of time.” Scully sets her beer on the coffee table, resting her elbows on her knees, her hands cupped around her chin. Mulder props his feet up next to her bottle, patient in the silence. There are deep shadows in the room, illuminated by the ambient streetlight through the curtains, the cool blue aquarium lamp. Puddles of light leak from the kitchen, but they barely stain the rug. Scully looks like a Hitchcock girl, white and pure, untouched by the surrounding gloom. She reminds him of Ingrid Bergman or Greta Garbo, her good bones and heavy-lidded eyes. “You know,” Scully says, muffled, “Pathology’s hardly the hottest specialty in med school. It’s not really seen as a place to make a career.” “The malpractice can’t be bad though, right?” She rolls her eyes. “You spend years of your life learning to care for the living and use it to examine the dead. People have…opinions about that.” This had not occurred to him, and he says as much. Scully sits up and settles back into the couch. “And to then take that to the FBI, well…” Full circle to the truth. “Lots of grief for that?” She shrugs. “From some more than others. My dad, he – look, Mulder. I’m not saying we’re in the same place or have the same ideas or that we’re both noble misunderstood renegades. I am not trying to oversimplify anything. I’m just telling you that I know what it’s like to care deeply about something that other people don’t necessarily understand.” She looks defensive after this, takes a fierce swig of her beer. Mulder eyes her up with a new appreciation. “I guess I just figured all doctors sit on pedestals.” “If so, some of the pedestals are much higher than others. I know you don’t like me, Mulder. Or at least you don’t like our partnership. We may never be friends, I realize that. But it’s been three quarters of a year, you have to let your guard down if we’re going to work together. I want what you want, answers to these questions.” He smiles at her. A real smile, and thinks that it’s been a long time since he’s done it. “But you still think I’m spooky.” Scully smiles back. “Absolutely. And I still don’t believe in aliens. Or yetis. Or missing time or vampires or Nessie. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe there are answers.” He scratches his chin, five o’clock shadow rough on his fingertips. Maybe she’s not so bad, this gingery little doctor. “I did say I wanted a challenge.” “You did at that.” She returns her bottle to the table, then turns to face him. The aquarium provides a ghostly backlight, her hair gleaming like rubbed copper. He holds this image of Scully in his mind until it is indelible, then tucks it away to remember her by. The Rhetorica ad Herennium advises sensory encoding to aid in recall, and so he places her in the sunlit portrait gallery of his memory palace. Scully stands, crosses the room to take her coat from the rack. “I’m sorry the letter wasn’t good news.” Mulder gets up to join her. “It’s okay.” He squints when she opens the door, the hallway so bright it hurts his eyes. “Thanks for bringing it by.” “Okay, well, I’ll see you on Monday, I guess.” She seems hesitant to go. She probably feels sorry for him. “Thanks for the drink. And the company.” “Go,” he says. “You don’t want coal in your stocking for oversleeping tomorrow.” She laughs a little, then takes his hands in her small white ones. She gives them a squeeze. “This is going to be okay, Mulder.” He thinks she might be right, squeezes back. She lets go of him, walks out and turns right. He locks up behind her, her perfume still lingering on his side of the door. Diana’s not coming home. It’s time that he moved on.

[pascalls]

It’s a Gunderful Life

With nowhere to go on Christmas Eve, Charlie’s depressive episode is interrupted by none other than Gil Gunderson.

---------------------------------

Her text had ruined everything.

For once, Charlie had been prepared to spend a holiday with his son. He’d gone the extra mile - figured out a small motel where they advertised fun little Christmas trees in the rooms, had enough money to order a pizza, and even had a small present for the boy that was haphazardly wrapped and ready to be given. 

But before he could even make the phone call to ask whether or not Connor was ready to be picked up, Connor’s mother had texted him instead. 

[ Our son is spending Christmas with his grandparents. You can see him for New Years. ]

Charlie didn’t have the wherewithal to respond. The reservation for the motel was canceled, the money for the pizza was spent on a gross Stroopwafel Liqueur, and the present was dropped in the mail box for Connor to receive later. On top of his killed buzz, the chilly air was swirling about in such a way that it was generating a few wayward snowflakes. Even through the thick sweater he was wearing, the frost bit at him; as if the weather itself was really hammering the point home. 

As Charlie walked down the street, the bitterness radiating from him was palpable. In fact, it was likely the only thing that was keeping him warm as his ears consistently flicked away the falling snow before it could settle on his scales for too long. The holiday meant that the Lovejoys had company, Sam was away on an urgent delivery run upstate, and sleeping on the cold tile floor underneath one of the tables at Moe’s was too depressing of an option. The bar was likely filled with other loners, just as put out as Charlie was. And he didn’t need that kind of energy pulling him even deeper into his lonely depression.

A sneeze made his ribs ache and he snuffled in agitation as he scooted himself into the dim glow of the nearest street light. He’d long since abandoned his disguise in favor of roaming the street like some kind of raccoon, looking for… Something. Anything. He didn’t quite know what. He’d finished off his booze - which had done very little to get him drunk - and with no cash in his pocket, that meant no food, no more drinks, and no… place to stay. 

On a good day, Charlie battled loneliness and depression. This was certainly not a good day. It was smothering him. And after a brief moment of realizing that the light was at least providing the tiniest bit of warmth, Charlie sat right there on the curb, tail curled around him as he exhaled tiredly into the frosty air. What a shit Christmas. 

He nearly leapt to his feet when a sudden harsh metal scraping interrupted his quiet revelry. His scales bristled like a spooked cat, but confusion overcame his desire to bolt as he spotted a familiar face that followed. 

“...Hello Gil,” Charlie said, his tone exceptionally dry. God couldn’t have dropped literally anyone else into his lap on Christmas fucking Eve?

“Uh-hEY, it’s Mr. Walker and d-” Gil began to respond, his hands gripping the metal rim of the dented garbage can he seemed to be dragging down the street. “-aAH! What HAPPENED to ya?” He exclaimed when he turned to glance properly at Charlie who could only respond with a dull look in return. 

A more intelligent part of the hybrid was telling himself that being caught out of his disguise might as well have been a straight shot right back to Burns. The more realistic - and depressed - part of himself was saying…

Nobody would believe Gil Gunderson anyway.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s a whole thing, it’s fine,” Charlie reassured him, scaly hands up in a placating gesture. “Tell me why you’re waking up the sewer rats by dragging that thing across the pavement.” He was quick to change the subject, and despite Gil’s momentary apprehension, the man seemed to divert just as easily.

“OH, well, yanno, it’s pretty cold out and I figured if I got this in between some of those apartment buildin’s over there, I could set some garbage on fire and get the ol’ hands nice and toasty! But uh… Well, I used the last of my matches to try and pop some popcorn kernels I found in my pocket earlier and ah… well, yeah that’s kinda just how it goes some days, I guess.”

“Riveting.” Charlie had little to offer the ramblings of the ever-depressing Gil, but he had to admit… a fire sounded nice right about then. He didn’t know how sure he was that he wouldn’t freeze to death if left to his own devices overnight. A fire would at least make sure he’d live to see another day. “...I might be able to help with that, actually.”

“Really?” Gil asked, his tone hopeful as Charlie came around to the other side of the can and lifted from the bottom. He didn’t want to summon up any more attention from any other passersby with the horrible screech of metal against concrete. 

“Tell me where you want it and we can see if we can get it lit somehow.” 

“Oh BOY, you’ve got a real nice heart there, Mr. Walker! I tell ya what, let’s go put it right between the Sears and the Radioshack!” 

Charlie squinted from behind the can. “Gunderson, neither of those fucking places have existed for at least two years. Pretty sure it’s a Target and a Subway now.” 

“Aw, you’re right.” 

Sighing, Charlie hoisted the can up and in the direction of the two buildings, crossing a parking lot and avoiding bonking into a few cars along the way before setting it down in the darker shadows of the alley between them. It was sufficiently out of the way of any prying eyes and didn’t reek of piss and old sandwich meat, at the very least. 

“Alright… uh… next step is… shit to burn,” Charlie mused, adjusting his glasses and glancing around. 

“I’ve got some receipts in my pockets…” Gil proposed, reaching into his shoddy jacket and pulling out a huge clump of wadded up paper. He began to pull them apart one by one, dropping them into the can, but not before glancing at each one in turn and announcing loudly where they were from. “This one was from that slice of pizza I got the other day! Oh, but then I dropped it into the sewer grate… And THIS one is from those shoes I bought- ah, but then that dog ran off with ‘em…”

Rolling his eyes, Charlie ignored Gil’s babbles as he drifted over to a nearby dumpster, clawing his way up the side of it and peering in.

“Ah-hah,” he proclaimed, hopping in and beginning to toss out bits of plywood and newspapers. A few food wrappers made their way out of the dumpster and to the ground. A few minutes of digging yielded a large enough pile of garbage for Charlie to clamber back out, landing deftly on his feet. Glancing over at Gil, he breathed out a sigh when he realized the other man was still going through his receipts.

“GIL.” 

“And this one was - Huh? What?”

“This stuff will burn a lot faster than a pocketful of receipts. C’mon now. Use your brain. Come get this shit and throw it in.”

Gil blinked before dumping the rest of the receipts into the can and quickly made his way over to start hoisting up the trash that Charlie had amassed, carrying it over and dumping it in as their makeshift kindling.

“Y’know, I could use this for-” Gil began, only to be interrupted by Charlie who smacked some of the plywood out of his hands and into their fire. 

“No. Put all of it in.”

Gil didn’t argue, a little too intimidated by Charlie’s command to do so, and he obediently finished his task. The can was eventually full - full enough to keep a fire fed for a few hours, at least. By then, hopefully, the sun would be back up and it wouldn’t be such a chore to stay warm. 

“Alright. Now… to burn. Hm. You got a phone on you?”

Reaching into his other pocket, Gil produced an old flip phone, clearly not up to modern standards. But Charlie didn’t really mind, reaching out to snag it from him and give it a once over.

“It ain’t the most high tech thing, but it lets me keep in touch with the kids when they-”

Before even bothering to let him finish, Charlie unceremoniously wrenched the battery out of the device, practically snapping the thing in half to do so. “I’ll get you a new one,” he lied, not looking at Gil as he began to fiddle with the battery casing with his claws.

“Wh- Oh. Well if it helps…” Gil replied, downtrodden, but not entirely beaten up about it. He leaned over to watch Charlie work, backing up only when the battery began to smoke and spark. 

“Head’s up!” The hybrid exclaimed, tossing the battery in the can as it began to simmer and leak fluid. What he didn’t anticipate was the fluid, having left a streak along the ground as it hurtled into the can, ignited, sending flames rocketing towards their impromptu fire pit. A sudden wave of panic at the realization - BATTERIES EXPLODE - sent Charlie leaping at Gil to knock him down and away from the can as the sound of the battery bursting into shrapnel rattled their little alley. Smoke and flames burst from the pile of garbage, singeing the can and some of the brick wall next to it before it settled, leaving them laying in the aftermath of floaty, acrid smoke. 

Charlie glanced back at the can which was, at least, alight now. And the preceding explosion had ensured that the entire area was… warm and smoky. 

“WOW, that’s ONE WAY to light a fire!” Gil exclaimed from the ground, not bothering to get up just yet. Particularly due to Charlie still being squarely on top of him. The hybrid noticed after a few seconds, glancing down at Gil before scrambling away in embarrassment and dusting himself off as he got to his feet.

“Yeah… well… I’m… experienced.” Charlie bragged, despite the slight humiliation at possibly being caught in such a position with Gil of all people. But he couldn’t say that he hated having his ego pat. Even just a little. He busied himself with cleaning off his glasses as Gil pushed himself up to his feet in turn, making his way over to the can and placing his hands over the flames which had settled and now burned steadily.

“I gotta say, I was a little worried we wouldn’t have somethin’ to keep us warm tonight, but ya really came through!” Gil rubbed his hands together eagerly, offering Charlie a little smile, to which the hybrid had no response besides an awkward clearing of his throat as he drifted over to join the other man. His scales appreciated the warmth as he placed them over the fire, glancing over at Gil as the flames crackled quietly.

“...Why’re you out here by yourself anyway?” Charlie eventually asked, curiosity defeating his desire to not be rambled at again. 

Gil shrugged sadly, but he maintained his smile. “Yanno how landlords are durin’ the holidays, they want their rent when they want it and when ya don’t got it, well, ya end up out on the street and all your stuff stays behind and they tell ya they wanna pawn it off…” He trailed off. 

Frowning, the hybrid didn’t respond right away. He wasn’t entirely sure what was worse. Not having a place to go to begin with or being booted out of your place. Hm. He decided that he wasn’t interested in playing the pain olympics with a man who probably didn’t need it any more than he himself did.

“That’s rough, buddy,” he said after a moment. 

“Did you get thrown out too?” Gil asked. “Ya seem like a guy who’s a lot more put together than I am, anyway!” 

“Eh…” Charlie replied, noncommittally. He didn’t want to get into it. Especially not with Gil. “Just wasn’t interested in doing the whole… holiday thing.” He lied again, though a slight pang of guilt settled into the back of his mind, forcing him to pull his hands back to himself and drift away from the can to lean against a nearby wall. Sliding down, he eventually settled on the ground. Close enough to the fire to keep him warm, but not so close that he was forced to stare Gil Gunderson in the face and explain the depths of his depression.

The other man watched as Charlie drew away and, much to the hybrid’s dismay, joined him to sit against the wall. Gil seemed pleased just to have some kind of company. Charlie would have preferred it to be....

Maybe literally anyone else.

“It can get pretty tough around Christmas time when ya ain’t got anyone to spend the holiday with. I know how that can be,” Gil began. Charlie didn’t look up at him. He didn’t need to be told that. “But it ain’t all bad,” the man continued, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small paper bag. 

What the hell else did this man have in his pockets? Charlie wondered. But he didn’t ask. Just squinted as Gil reached into the bag and produced two rectangular snack bars. 

“It’s not much, but I managed to snag these cereal bars from my pantry before security threw me out. Ya want one?” Gil offered one of the bars to Charlie who stared, nonplussed at the offer. Something about it was-

-stabbing him directly in the chest somehow, and he wasn’t sure why. 

“...Sure,” he replied eventually, reaching out to take one of the bars and turn it around in his hands. Lucky Charms. Cute. He peeled the wrapper off the bar and began to silently munch, still pointedly not looking at Gil. Embarrassed to be accepting the help. Thrown by not being able to stew in his depression with someone watching. Guilted by the realization that he’d shattered the man’s phone and now would certainly need to get him a new one. 

The silence between them was interrupted by the faint beeping of Gil’s watch. Charlie’s ears twitched as he glanced over, continuing to savor his sad little snack meal. 

“Guess that makes it Christmas now, huh? It’s midnight,” Gil said with a glance at the watch that continued to beep for a few more moments before going silent again. 

“...Guess it does.” Charlie glanced up as the snowflakes continued to drift down around them. Not quite making it all the way to the ground before they melted into droplets of water or evaporating in the heat of their bonfire. He considered, for a moment, reaching for his phone to text Connor. Or Tim. Or Sam. Or - anyone. Maybe shoot his shot and see if anyone would respond to a sad lizard’s good tidings.

But he did none of those things. 

Instead, he reached into his pocket to produce the only real thing he had on his person. His empty wallet. It had no money, no cards in it. Not even any sorts of identification. It was an older leather wallet that had seen better days. But it wasn’t the worst looking thing. 

“Merry Christmas, Gil,” Charlie said as he offered up the wallet to the other man. “It’s not much. But you might be able to use it eventually.” 

“Wha? Really? Ya mean it?” Gil responded, reaching out to take the wallet with enthusiasm. “You BET I’ll be able to use it! I’ll be able to hold all of my credit cards and maybe I can get them all paid off finally!” 

The hybrid snorted in amusement. Stupid. 

In a sudden and unexpected display of gratitude, Gil leaned over and wrapped arms around Charlie’s shoulders in a tight embrace. Charlie bristled, not anticipating the blatant affection, almost pulling away as a result. But Gil didn’t seem too eager to let go.

“You’ve made this the best Christmas I’ve had in a LONG time!” The man exclaimed, much to Charlie’s embarrassment. But… he had to admit…

It felt nice to be appreciated. 

So he didn’t fuss, despite his desire to do so. Instead, he reached up and gave Gil a little pat on the head.

“You’re uh… you’re welcome.” 

Charlie let Gil cling for a little longer, occupying himself by staring at the fire they’d constructed together. At least they were warm. They’d eaten something. And they weren’t alone. The hybrid wasn’t about to categorize it as any type of ‘good’, as far as holidays went, but…

Maybe it wasn’t the worst. 

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (~˘▾˘)~

 Hi again…can I get an Ikevamp match-up? I got curious on who I would end up with tbh😅😅😅

About myself…I never lose a temper, I am extremely shy and quiet, it’s extremely difficult for me to trust new people. I am around 5'9 feet tall, above shoulder length messy brown hair tied into a ponytail; I would be mistaken for a boy if I let my hair down. I wouldn’t even notice if they mistook me for a boy until someone addresses me as one😅😅😅. I look intimidating at first sight because 1.)I am silent most of the time, I look cold and aloof, I never smile, and 2.) I can be blunt without noticing + my difficulty of showing emotions would make them think I’m judging their soul *yikes…whoops?😅😅😅*. That intimidates most people and when in reality when I am the one who feels more intimidated by them. 😅😅

Once I warm up, I have this side that only my family and close friends know. I get along well with anybody; I won’t judge people for their race, beliefs, personality, religion, and all. It doesn’t exist here when I befriend them 😊. I have this weird sense of humor that can turn dark and morbid without noticing… 😅😅 I am like a child at Christmas when it comes to new art supplies, baking, and cooking new recipes; I love sharing it with my family and friends. I can compare my strength to a guy and I can carry heavy things without a problem😅… I love to play the guitar and I used to play the piano when I was younger and I missed playing it. I’m extremely rusty after not practicing for 7 years now😥. I can still read music notes, and it will take longer for me to navigate the piano if I play it. I mostly draw and paint right now tho…

I’m not a fan of wearing girly clothes, and I would rather stick to wearing good ol’ shirts, polo (long/short sleeves), pants, and hoodies style. I avoid drinking alcohol because I easily get tipsy; I’d turn into a loud drunk after a few sips.  My friends would often keep me away from who knows what they’re reading and watching stuff… Told me that they don’t want me to taint my innocent eyes and soul or something like that…I never cuss even if I’m used to hearing my classmates swear like a sailor. The first time my friends hear me accidentally swear, they look at me in horror and demanded me to know where I got that word🤣🤣

I don’t like loud and crowded places, I would feel dizzy and suffocated if I stayed there for too long. There will be times on where I’m nowhere to be found since I would look for an isolated place somewhere around the corner for me to hide whenever I want to draw or paint. I am not really confident of my skills in drawing; I have a bad habit of hiding those from my family *which annoys them*. I have another bad habit of being stubborn whenever I got sick, and I wouldn’t even let anyone know I am unwell because I do not want anyone to worry about me. But when someone noticed, I would admit that I am sick. *I would go to school even when sick so I can finish my school works because, whenever I miss a class, there will always be some of them who would deliberately not tell me that I missed something in class so…i learned the hard way.😅* …

I easily get startled by sudden noises if I let my guard down: objects making a loud sound when they drop. I don’t know how to deal with physical affections and would probably get stiff and flustered. I’m not used to guys hugging me cuz would go stiff whenever a guy hugs me *I love hugs and all but… I’m not used to being hugged by guys… 🙁* I’m a bit of a disaster-prone whenever I’m outside, and would accidentally hit my head on lower tree branches and lower places, sometimes I would accidentally sprain my ankle on the uneven ground *if someone made me wear heels especially if it’s stilettos*. 😅😅😅

Yay: I love my coffee with a ridiculous amount of milk and with less sugar; baking, cooking, sweets, drawing, painting, digital art, music, cats, dogs, pokemon, Manga, anime.

Nay: I despise certain types of vegetables that are bitter and slimy. My face would shrivel up seeing those kinds of vegetables. Animal cruelty is a big no-no for me; I normally don’t get angry, and I forgive people within a blink of an eye *that annoys my family a lot😅* but, I will make an exception for that.

I can control my own anger, that no one can tell I am fuming.

If it’s ok with you…😅😅😅 Took me a long time to figure out how to send a more detailed one. 😂😂 I think that’s enough spilling tmi about myself… Whoopsie…😅😅 🦊🐱🦊🐱

Hi hi love! ❤🌻Thank you so much for the request! I had so much fun writing this up for ya and i hope you enjoy it dear! ❤🦊Also i hope you are keeping safe and well and have a super good day!🐇❤ Also sooooorrrry for taking 2 billion years with this! hehe so without further ado........... @xarexraven

So I match you with…………… Theo

The first time you met everyone, you were so quiet and reserved hiding behind Comte. They took one look at you and instantly thought, “oooh great another male guest.” You were wearing a hoodie and jeans and your hair tie keeping your hair in a ponytail, had just snapped as you walked through the door. Comte gave you a gentle push to introduce yourself, and one look at your intimidating face, had the entire household believing that they had another tsundere in their midst. 

During dinner, you had hardly noticed that they all thought you were a boy. The residents all started retiring to their rooms after dessert, when Sebastian handed you a final cup of coffee, “Here you are sir.” Your eyes widened, and you started up at Sebastian in confusion, too shy to correct him/ That is when Comte who was still sitting beside you gave your head a gentle pat, “Sebastian it is quite rude to mistake our precious guest for a boy, especially one who is beautiful.” Both you and Sebastian were left blushing at the comment, that’s when Vincent, who was the only other resident still at the table, spoke up. “I have to agree with Comte, it is not nice to call someone so pretty, a boy.” The resident angel beamed up at you, while Sebastian apologised profusely, and through it all, the only thing you could think was, “man, this is awkward.”

The next morning after Comte explained the whole, everyone in this mansion is a vampire thing, you wandered around the mansion aimlessly. Well, that is until Napoleon came across you and grabbed your hand, dragging you to the dining room, where a feast of sugary goodness laid wait. He told you that he had made way too many pancakes and that they needed help finishing them. No one in the mansion had seen you smile yet, but at the sight of the giant stack of sugary pancakes, you couldn’t help but beam. Vincent had spotted you and flagged you over to sit next to him. “Oi knaap, don’t go hog all the pancakes, save some of the rest of us will you,” Theo loudly exclaimed as you loaded up your plate to a stack of pancakes almost as high and his. At the sound of Theo calling you a boy, Vincent narrowed his eyes at Theo and started scolding his younger brother for being so rude. Theo stared at you in disbelief but with your hair now in a pony tail he simply shrugged and gave you a new nickname “Hondjie”. With the misunderstanding finally cleared up once and for all, you made quick work of polishing off the stack of pancakes with the three men.

After lunch Vincent gave Theo a detailed list of art supplies that he needed, and at the mention of art supplies your ears perked up. Your eyes gleamed in excitement, and your cold, aloof exterior changed to one of an excited child on Christmas morning. Your cheeks were starting to hurt, that had been a record of two smiles in one day. Although even though your smiling felt weird to you, to the three me it was the most beautiful sight. Theo took notice of your enthusiasm and in his typical indifferent voice, asked if you wanted to come along for the ride. You without a second thought nodded, you basically radiated excitement as you went upstairs to put on some shoes and get a jacket. You met Theo out in the foyer, and soon the two of you made your way to the art supply store. 

Comte had told you that you were free to break the bank and buy anything and everything your heart desired, on the condition that he would be able to see your first piece of art created with the new supplies. 

You were so excited at the thought of new art supplies and being able to continue your passion for art, even though you were stuck in the past, that you let your guard down a little with Theo. He asked you in his usual blunt way, why you were dressed like a boy and not wearing skirts and dresses like other women. You told him that you were most comfortable wearing pants and hoodies. The way your eyes were beaming, low key reminded him of his precious brother, and he found himself low key drawn to your pure, innocent energy. 

The two of you spent hours and hours picking out the perfect supplies, you were low key shook at Theo’s knowledge about art and supplies. He actually helped you pick out the best supplies for your personal drawing and painting style. After spending hours in the art shop. The two of you made your way to the waiting carriage, when Theo spotted an ice cream store, his eyes lit up at the thought of sweets. When you saw how excited he was, you suggested that the two of you investigate the shop before heading back. 

For the first time in Theo van Gogh whole existence, a woman had paid for him. He was sitting across from you in the ice cream parlour while you were happily eating away at your sugary treat, still trying to process it all. You had paid as a token of thanks for him helping you pick out the best art supplies. What shocked him even more was during argument about the bill you legit gave him a deadpan look and bluntly said that you were ganna treat him no matter what. After that comment you legit left him blushing and speechless, you truly were a strange woman.

The two of you sat in silence for a few moments when you finally decided to break the ice. You curiously asked why it was that he knew so much about art, and that’s when he revealed that he was an art dealer. And so the rest of the afternoon was spent chatting about art, paintings, drawings and your mutual passion and appreciation for the trade. To say Theo was pleasantly surprised by you would be an understatement, his first impression of you was now so laughable compared to the person sitting before him. The first time he saw you, he thought you an aloof, little boy who seemed to judge him down to the very depths of his soul. Yet as he got to know you, he had come to realise that there was much more to you.

In the weeks to follow you seemed to surprise Theo more and more. The first thing that had this boy sister shook was your inhuman strength. One day as you were helping Isaac sorts out the library. The two of you had managed to fill up 2 huge boxes of junk and clutter that could be stored in the mansions attic. Isaac lifted one of the boxes and determined that it was too heavy for the both of you, so he went to call Theo or Leo who would have an easier job with doing the heavy lifting. As Theo rounded to the corner to help move the boxes, he almost rammed straight into you. “Oi hondjie, you are going to hurt yourself let me take…” As he took the box from your hands, his face started going red, and a vein in his neck started popping out. The box you had been carrying was obviously almost too heavy for him to carry, he turned around swiftly and started walking up the attic stairs. It took you no time to catch up to him carrying another heavy box of your own. At this point you could see a bead of sweat roll down his face. Theo was determined to carry this box up, there was no way he was going to be shown up by a girl, especially one that he liked. He finally made it to the top of the attic and place the box down with a huff, you had to laugh at the small blush that was still on his cheeks. 

Just then out of the corner of your eye, an old piano caught your attention. Theo eyed you curiously still recovering from the blow to his ego, as you sat down on the dusty piano chair and blew the dust of the piano keys. Your fingers moved to their own accord, gliding across the keys to play a familiar song from muscle memory. Theo sat down next to you and closed his eyes to absorb the beautiful melody. As the last note echoed through the attic, Theo opened his eyes, and sapphire eyes glared down into the depths of your soul. He had honestly never in his life felt more drawn to anyone, before he could say anything your stomach gave a loud growl. It was now your turn to blush and look away in embarrassment. Theo then leads you downstairs, where he whipped you up some stroopwafels.

You tied the apron around your waist and helped Theo prepare the sugary dessert. You were so excited and happy, you loved baking and learning/exchanging new recipes. Once the two of you were done making the sweet snack, you sat down and munched on the Stroop waffles and coffee. The rest of the afternoon was spent chatting about your mutual hate for bitter slimy vegetables and love for dogs as you ate the sugary snack and sipped on coffee. This actually started a tradition between the two of you, where once in a while the two of you would exchange recipes and cook your favourite dishes together.

One day as Theo joined Comte in his room for some tea, he saw a beautiful painting hanging behind Comte, it was just filled with so much emotion. “Hey, Comte, did Vincent paint that one, I haven’t seen it before.” Comte gleamed in delight and told him that you were the artist responsible for the masterpiece and that you had given it to him as a thank you gift for the art supplies. Theo was shook, he knew you loved art but to have created such a masterpiece. He stomped his way to your room and knock on your door. He could hear shuffling from the other side, he swung the door open and spotted you throwing a heap full of tissues in the dustbin and hiding the trashcan behind you. All it took was one look at your red nose, pale face and tired eyes to know that you were clearly sick. You tried to play it off and make your way past Theo to help Sebastian with lunch service, when Theo picked you up and plonked you down on your bed. The second your head hit the pillow, your tired eyes closed and you lost consciousness. You woke a few hours later to Theo sitting by your side gently stroking your hair while placing a cold washcloth on your forehead every now and then. You stubbornly tried to convince him that you weren’t sick. Theo narrowed his eyes at you and in a soft, gentle tone said, “Hondjie can you just stop being stubborn for one minute and let me take care of you.” Theo had nursed you back to full health and you got to see a new side of Theo that you had never seen before, his sweet kind gentle side. It was actually during this time when Theo had confessed his undying love for you.

Theo love love loved your art and would insist you show him your masterpieces once you are done with them.  He knew your weren't confident in your skills and would usually hide your drawings so he did what any reasonable person would do. He tickled you until you gave up the hiding spot so he could see your creation.

He also knows you don’t like crowded places or loud noises, so he actually cleared up a room for you to use as your own art room to work in peace, where no one was allowed to disturb you. 

He knew you would get dizzy and feel suffocated whenever the two of you would walk through a busy crowd in the markets. So now every time the two of you cuties go out, he was sure to plan your route using back roads to avoid unnecessary crowds or he would bring King along for a walk with you. Even though King is a sweet, friendly golden retriever, he has come to love you and will do whatever it takes to protect the new member of his pack. Even if that means angry staring down people so they can part like the red sea before you and Theo.

Theo absolutely loves you to the moon and back. He loves your sweet innocent mind and will always cover your ears and glare daggers at Arthur whenever he is telling stories of previous nights conquests as he “doesn’t want Arthur to taint your innocent mind and soul.” 

He absolutely loves to finally have someone around who gets his dark, morbid sense of humour and who can equally match his weird jokes. Often when the two of you are together, you would be quick-firing the weirdest jokes at each other, while being in stitches laughing at each other.

Theo also loves how you have similar beliefs as him in not judging people. It was due to this that he was completely able to open up about his past with you. You helped him to heal and grow from his past traumas. You helped catch him many a time before falling in the abyss, dragging him out back into the light. 

Both of you were pretty awkward when it came to physical affection at the beginning of your relationship. However, after many, a stiff, awkward hug followed by a fit of laughter from how awkward the two of you were, eventually the two of you started to get more comfortable around each other. 

Now when Theo cuddles you, as you draw him as a manga character, the two of you chuckle at the memory of how stiff and awkward it was the first time the two of you had even held hands. Theo will 100% always insist on holding your hand whenever the two of you go outside as he knows just how accident-prone you are when it comes to nature.

Ultimately Theo loves to spend quiet evenings with you snuggled up in his arms as the two of you exchange stories of each other days. He loves to read all your little manga’s you manage to create for him. Although he will never admit it, he always gets super excited when you tell him about an anime you watched or show him your newest manga drawing. He will shower you with endless amounts of hugs and cuddles from the moment you go to bed till the moment you wake up. And every morning without fail Theo will greet you with a freshly bred cup of milky coffee and a kiss.

Other potential matches…………… Vincent 

I hope you enjoyed this dear and i hope you have the best day! 🦊🌻❤

[darling-i-read-it]

Eggnog and Trees

Jim Hopper x reader

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: none I don’t think!

Author’s Note: I hope this was what you wanted! Merry early Christmas y’all! (and those of you waiting for that Big Fish one, I’m writing that right after this is posted. I wanted to save it for last cause I’m excited!) (and those who followed me for stranger things, I swear I’m still here and still in love with billy hargrove)

Requested: by anon,Hi! Since it’s the Christmas season, can you write a Hopper x reader where he’s kinda a grinch and she’s just a little ball of love and light. They’re friends but then on Christmas he confesses or something like that. Love your work btw :

Summary: the request

Genre: fluff

(not my gif)

You loved Christmas. You loved it a lot. There was little you loved more than the holiday. It was a great time to spread cheer and hang out with the friends you had made in Hawkins over the last few years.

You were the person who asked to have Christmas decorations up by the morning on November first. If you were caught without a peppermint something people were allowed to pinch you. Your sweaters that had cute Christmas sayings on them always makes people smile. You were basically a Santa to the small town of Hawkins.

You walked down down town with Joyce by your side, laughing at something she had said. She had just barely gotten used to going out again, even for a few hours of shopping. You were trying your best to help her get back into the swing of things since Will had gone missing a while back. It was hard for her but you hadn’t been there for most of it, moving in at the tail end.

You met her and Hopper while there was a search party that you happily joined. You were trying to find a lost kid and made every effort to help. You got close to Hopper there and you had stayed close. You found Will in the Upside Down and you were swept up in the whole swing of things. With that you had gotten close with him and Joyce, now your closest friends in the small town.

You understood that Joyce had gotten rid of most of her Christmas lights after Will had used them to contact her. They brought back bad memories for the Byers family. You decided to help them and grab a tree, help them put it up.

You got a call on the Byers phone, causing Joyce to jump. You didn’t blame her. If you had been through what she had than you wouldn’t have liked it any more.

“Byers residence!” you called, watching Jonathan stumble to put up the star. Joyce was laughing, trying to steady him while Will held some ornaments.

“Y/N?” Hopper was on the other line. Your smile widened. You quite liked the sheriff. You could even say you had a crush on him. There was no use in trying to date him though. Joyce had told you that ever since he had gotten divorced he had been around town with most eligible girls. You understood.

“Hiya Jim. Should I get Joyce?” you asked. You twirled the cord on your finger and stopped when you noticed. You were worse than a schoolgirl when it came to the chief.

“No I was trying to find you actually. Why are you at Joyces?” You shrugged, leaning against the wall. Jonathan tumbled down to the ground and the house burst with laughter.

“Putting up the Christmas tree with them. Should I stop by yours next? We can drink eggnog!” You could feel him roll his eyes even if you couldn’t see him.

“Not really a Christmas guy Y/N but if you want a drink you can still stop by.” You were so distracted by the first few words you didn’t even catch the last few.

“What do you mean you’re not a Christmas guy?!” you yelled. Joyce turned, still dying from laughter at Jonathan. She figured you were talking to Jim by the light blush on your cheeks. She chuckled a little more at your Christmas outburst.

You had your heart dead set on making Jim a ‘Christmas Guy’, whatever that meant. You decorated his place while he was at work, you stopped by the station and gave him candy canes. Still, nothing managed to work until Christmas. There was a party at the station that he invited you and Joyce to. He didn’t really like anyone in the station as much as he liked the two of you.

You leaned against the back wall, sharing a cigarette with Joyce when Jim found you again. You hoisted yourself up and walked over to him. He took the cigarette from your fingers and took a long drag.

“I hate Christmas parties.” You rolled your eyes and took the smoke back.

“You’re just a party pooper. Here, I got you a present.” You pulled out a pack of cigarettes that were tied with a small bow. You gave him some chocolates as well. He grinned, laughing lowly.

“And that is why you’re my best friend. One of my deputies gave me an apple,” he joked. You would have retired with something snarky about Christmas if Joyce wasn’t busy calling your attention.

“Hey guys…” She pointed above your head. You raised an eyebrow, following her finger and seeing a mistletoe. You looked back at Hopper whose eyes were already on you.

“Listen, I know you’re not a Christmas guy...we don’t have to-”

“The biggest Christmas girl in the town isn’t gonna get a kiss under the mistletoe? Seems criminal.” You were surprised at his forwardness, you wouldn’t have expected that. Your cheeks flushed in surprise.

“We are in a police station, so I suppose I can’t do anything of that sort.” He kissed you briefly, not enough for anything serious. The few people were too engrossed with the party to notice you. Your eyes were still closed a moment after he pulled away.

“Wow.”

“Listen, if you wanna, drink eggnog and help me put the star on the stations Christmas tree I don’t mind.” You looked at Joyce who was acting like she wasn’t looking back at you, back quickly turned to the window.

“I’d like that actually. So...are you a Christmas guy now?” He held up a finger and you followed him to the tree and eggnog.

“Don’t push your luck Y/N.”

[theycallmegothboy]

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  -spotify  2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess  3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers  14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size?  -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao   39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear?  -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)  -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao  49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car?  -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18.  54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job?  -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?  -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?  -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles?  -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?  -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods?  -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons?  -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce?  -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed?  -wouldnt you like to know? ;))  66. have you ever won a spelling bee?  -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw?  -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw?  -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?  -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you?  -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah  78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment  81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor?  -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos?  -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules.  84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier  85. what shirt are you wearing?  -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang  guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high?  -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk?  -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate?  -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter?  -fall. fuck you 96. day or night?  -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month?  -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of?  -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

[dansnaturepictures]

The third of my 10 wildlife/photography highlights of 2020 blogs: My year in the New Forest

I do this post every year now and as I felt it worked well last year I’m structuring this post like this again. I will roughly talk through notable New Forest walks and trips we had this year in chronological order, but then introduce thoughts about subsequent walks at the same place, a similar or nearby one or one that featured the same or similar wildlife next so it does flip around back and forth around the months a bit. It was another special and varied year visiting our beloved national park, even if coronavirus meant there was a hiatus where I really missed going to the forest during the first lockdown as has happened before for a different reason a long time ago for me.

It all started with an early winter visit to Denny Wood to help build my bird year list early on, for the first time since 2015 we didn’t visit here alongside Lakeside on New Year’s Day to see woodland species but still made it here early on and I had a little look at the heath between it and Shatterford on 3rd January. As well as taking in a really nice landscape as it got sunnier and sunnier that packed day for me I was happy to watch the feeding woodland birds spending precious moments with them seeing my first Marsh Tit, Coal Tit, Great Spotted Woodpecker, Dunnock, Nuthatch and Treecreeper of 2020, with my first Rook and Mistle Thrush of the year on the way driving in and on the way home nearby respectively.

Blashford Lakes was our location of choice on 4th January getting memorably lots of year ticks of bird species beginning with G. Standout birds I have seen at this rich reserve this year have included; Goosander, Goldeneye, Goldcrest, Great White Egret and Siskin. A standout visit to Blashford Lakes this year was my second of the year on 1st March which was one of my most special days of photography this year. I took some of my pictures I am most proud of this year as part of a high amount produced that day, including ones of a Robin one really closeup one that was one of my favourite ever pictures to take an early favourite of mine that I’d taken with my new camera that I got for Christmas, rainbows especially over Ibsley water, general landscapes, a Great Spotted Woodpecker one of my favourite birds and the nice bit of red fungi that there was so much of in the woods in the early days with my new macro lens which I got for my birthday shown in the first of my pictures in this photoset.

I had another strong year at other New Forest reserve Lymington-Keyhaven on the coast. Key species I saw there this year included; Kingfisher, Spotted Redshank, Spoonbill, Peregrine, Marsh Harrier, Slavonian Grebe, many Bar-tailed Godwits on multiple visits this quite special bird became a regular here this year I thought, Greenshank, Ruff, Knot, Whitethroat, Yellow Wagtail which I took the second picture in this photoset of at Pennington in early September, my first Sand Martin of the year in March and many more seen well in June, Common Tern seen fishing really closely that day too which was great, Little Tern, Sandwich Tern and Reed Warbler those three for the first time in 2020 on the same day on what was a memorable late spring return in May to here and the sea after two months away from this habitat during the first bit of the lockdown which was really a sweet and special day for us, Avocet, Shelducks and Little Ringed Plover well with offspring in the spring lovely to see in great numbers in some cases, Black-tailed Godwit, Eider Duck and the lovely Grey Phalarope and its rarer cousin the Wilson’s Phalarope on one amazing October day as I mentioned in my first highlights post. Many lovely Cetti’s Warblers’ calls heard here was great too and it was even delightful to see two Black Swans here in late January. The day I saw the lovely white headed Ruff and another later on stood out for visiting here in late February I saw the white headed and another Ruff there again in October in my best ever year of Ruffs generally this year as I took a large amount of photos and ones I was very proud of that stood out this year of flying Mute Swans, lovely sunny beautiful landscapes, Rock Pipit and more. I had an equally as high yielding photo day I was happy with on 5th September producing photos of Knot, the Yellow Wagtail, Mute Swan and Little Egret flying, young Shelduck, Turnstone up close, many landscapes, flowers and some autumnal sights which I liked a lot. I got a delightful moment on a June Pennington visit seeing two Mute Swans with eight cygnets my first seen anywhere this year cross the footpath and go down the bank into the sea to swim. I enjoyed seeing flowers such as sea aster at this reserve a lot this year too. I enjoyed other flowers at this reserve this year too including common toadflax and broad-leaved clover.  On the way back from seeing those three species at Lymington on 31st October it was atmospheric and brilliant on Halloween to see a gigantic full moon in the sky over the lovely forest landscape on the way back.

Another really pivotal day in my year which I already mentioned in my bird highlights of the year blog was a January visit to the Whitefield Moor/Holmhill area of the New Forest as part of one of my biggest weekends of the year. The Great Grey Shrike was an absolutely rare and mega bird to see one that had been widely seen by many that winter and a largely reported bird in the forest it was true joy to finally see it after a few attempts, as was the Hen Harrier very likely the same bird that had been my 200th of 2019 here on my last day of birdwatching/photography that year. My all-important first Bullfinch of the year completed a golden hat trick of bird year ticks with my first Fallow Deers of the year seen from the car on the way in at a part of the forest and some seen on the walk, and I took once again so many photos and some I was so proud of. The weather was amazing and sunny and the day felt part of something important for me. The Great Grey Shrike was only my fourth ever time seeing one (all in the forest over the years) but I soon got my fifth as on a trip to Milkham in the New Forest in March we were surprised to see one far away fly high into a tree. It was a sensational sight and made me really happy after a quieter period of birdwatching when coronavirus uncertainty had just started to hit I could be seeing a really rare bird and one we’d sort of found too it was smashing. I took the third picture in this photoset of this bird. It was generally an amazing day at Milkham a real rising star of a New Forest location wildlife wise for us as we are starting to see so much there where I also got my first year tick of March seeing my first Crossibills of the year late on. A fantastic and classic woodland New Forest species always an important one for me to see in a year this was my sixth straight year list I recorded this species on which I liked. That day I also saw Hawfinches in woods near Broomy Walk on the walk, a Grey Wagtail unusually on the path and got great views of two of my favourite birds the Buzzard and Great Spotted Woodpecker. Like I said in my highlights post about my favourite birds generally this year I’ve had brilliant years for both these species. I also took many landscape pictures I was happy with that day. It was a classic New Forest day in rich and varied habitat it has so much of and with iconic forest species.

I had a sensational day back at the Whitefield Moor/Holmhill bog walk on 11th July right in the summer especially for insects. I saw my first Common Grayling of the year one of my favourite butterflies always a top one to see in a year and Common Darter dragonfly of the year that day. I also got cracking views of an Emperor dragonfly flying over a pool right beside us it was fantastic to see such an intimate moment, and I saw male and female Silver-studded Blues on the heath on a sunny and hot day two species I had an especially good year for. Butterfly wise I managed to submit some sightings to the Big Butterfly Count that day from a small patch of the walk. Large White 10, Silver-studded Blue 6, Peacock 3, Brimstone 2, Meadow Brown 2, Red Admiral 1 and Ringlet 1 were the results great to chart them at this location. There was also so many Keeled Skimmers one of my favourite dragonflies out on the heath especially lots of golden females which was great I took one of my best photos this year of one with my macro lens it unusually staying still enough for long enough for to get a closeup picture. Buzzard, Jay two of my favourite birds, lots of Redstarts, Stonechats, Greenfinch and Chaffinch completed the highlights that day. As well as common red soldier beetle a species I saw so much those few days and Black-headed Gulls in the car park which I’d not seen here before. It was also amazing to see a Spotted Flycatcher on the way back at Football Green on the edge of the forest and get some nice Song Thrush views.

In late January myself and my Mum participated in an arranged walk with two lovely New Forest seasonal assistant rangers at Kings Hat as a result of a micro photography competition I had entered late last year. On quite a dark but lovely day walking in nice light rain it was great to go about the precious landscape and learn about the amazing work being done to manage the forest and how the Higher Level Stewardship Scheme works and its benefits. I especially liked learning about the iconic and unique to the New Forest rare tadpole shrimp, the important commoning, history of the forest and the work being done to recover the area from the impacts of verge parking. We also met like-minded people on the walk that day and it was a very polite and satisfying time. It was very memorable and a day I looked forward to a lot. Later that day we came back into the forest with the dogs and enjoyed a walk around Eyeworth Pond one of our top forest spots. As I said in my first highlights post the next month I saw my first Mandarin Ducks of the year in a call in there. In early March we were back there for another call in after a walk elsewhere and it was nice to see Mandarins, a Goosander up really close and enjoy some Mallards in a bit of sunlight on the pond on a day that had been showery that the sun brought out its colours so well. I took the fourth picture in this photoset of a Goosander.

Nearer to the outskirts of the New Forest at Badminston and Badminston Common I began my February by seeing one of my birds of the year when we managed to spot a Hoopoe that had been seen there, only my second ever. It was so amazing and perfect to get to spend a few minutes watching this esteemed, iconic and in some ways ultimate bird species moving about in horse fields. One of my best bits of the year for sure I was proud to have this experience and I took a record shot the fifth picture in this photoset of this remarkable bird. It was a beautiful new spot to discover in the forest too whether it be one offs or regular species birds often lead us to discover New Forest locations. We had a nice walk at nearby Calshot afterwards on the day where it was nice to see Brent Geese and a Little Grebe. aAs February went on a string of wet New Forest walks would provide us an outlet to still get out with the dogs and walk through named storms Ciara and Dennis. This included woodland walks at Acres Down and Hawkhill. It was quite something to see nature’s full force with trees swaying in the wind and that rain a moment in the year as such that will stay with us it defined those few weeks and what better place to observe this than the forest. This little period of time culminated in a walk at Blackwater where the weather wasn’t so bad throughout it eased off rather and it even got a little bit sunny, as the landscape my sixth picture in this photoset shows. I took a good few more photos that day after a slight drought for them with the weather and I got a surprise when at a strong place for them and a place we only discovered for them we got a distant view of my first Hawfinch of the year late on in the arboretum. Always a big moment for this strong forest species for me.

To end February on Leap Day at Pig Bush we had another classic New Forest day for us at this my favourite forest car park and walk. In the height of my boom period of photos at that stage where I’d regularly produce around 20 per trip and it became the new normal for a bit the new normal would be even higher later in the year of course I took yet another high amount of photos and some I was so happy with wildlife and landscape. I also got some top birdwatching done with views of my first Lesser Redpolls and Jack Snipe of the year in the woods and a boggy area respectively. It was great for the first time ever for me to see redpolls out in the wild sort of so not at a place where there were bird feeders. Obviously Blashford Lakes is where I usually see them in this setting and I’ve had some amazing up close views of them there especially last year but seeing some in the open like this shows another side to the species really. Like many of my walks this year there was a brilliant supporting cast of other species seen on this walk including Treecreeper, Redwing, Goldcrest, Nuthatch and Great Spotted Woodpecker and Buzzard again. Both the February Pig Bush and March Milkham visits gave me huge senses of being in a wilderness and both stood out for months to come. The weekend after this before the March Eyeworth Pond call in I referenced above in another sunny patch of the day we had a great walk at Hawkhill again seeing the duo Buzzard soaring against a brilliant bright blue sky and Great Spotted Woodpecker flying high into trees again and I took some memorable landscapes including the seventh of my pictures in this photoset showing its distinctive grassland.

On a grey Friday off work on 20th March I spent part of it at Acres Down where I got a brief view of a Goshawk flying in the sky, only my second ever of a top bird we first discovered this place partly for. One of my standout birds of the year again. There were also a lot of Buzzards around in what became a day of raptors with Peregrine and Sparrowhawk seen at Winchester Cathedral later in the day and Buzzard at home too. Alongside a Pennington visit the next day where I saw my first Sand Martins this year these were to be my last New Forest trips before the Covid-19 enforced hiatus in the first lockdown. What a way to sign off for a bit. When there later in the year I was happy to see my first Tree Pipit and Redstarts of 2020. Both exceptional species especially the former that I felt so lucky to see this year. I’ve had a great record for seeing Redstarts down the years especially in the forest which I was proud I could carry on with but the Tree Pipit I didn’t manage to see last year at all after a three year run of seeing them before so I was happy to see it on a hot and sunny day singing a bit too these two are among my birds of the year for many reasons. On a showery but quite humid July Saturday it was great to see a Red Deer in the New Forest on our way to nearby to Acres Down Millyford Bridge. A pretty nice view of it through vegetation. The second Red Deer I’d seen this year at that stage, quite unusual for us even more special that it was a New Forest sighting though as they’re such a key part of the biodiversity of the forest a key mammal there and I’ve not seen them here nearly enough in truth. On the walk at Millyford it was nice to see quite a few Song Thrushes and some foxgloves that appeared to have been knocked over but the flowers had started growing upwards from a sideways plant beside the river in woods it was beautiful to walk in that day a really sweet habitat I find which the New Forest hosts well which was interesting. It was also good to see a tree with mushrooms on that day too. We came back to Millyford Bridge later in July seeing more mushrooms, as well as Robin and cow both with young which was great, lots of Grey Wagtails it was lovely to see a great bird in this watery habitat, New Forest ponies, some Fallow Deers running through, lots of little moths and a Large Red Damselfly on a very relaxing Monday and tranquil walk on a Monday I had off work.

On the way back from Martin Down in May it was great to see a couple of adorable New Forest pony foals and Canada Geese with goslings by Janesmoor Pond. On the way back from Martin Down in July it was good to see some Fallow Deers and get great Stonechat and Goldfinch views in a layby on an ice cream stop by Stoney Cross when the forest landscape looked nice and atmospheric on a rainy day after seeing Goldfinch well before and after the walk at home. I had an astonishingly good day’s wildlife watching on a walk from Fritham to Cadman’s Pool in the New Forest on a very beautiful, hot and sunny second May bank holiday Saturday. On it I saw two beautiful Cuckoos and heard them on the walk my first of the year and I got second views this year and pretty spectacular ones too of Tree Pipit and Goshawk with two each seen. One Tree Pipit view was classic Tree Pipit with it singing loudly on top of a tree which was brilliant. On that day I also saw my first Southern Hawker and Keeled Skimmer dragonflies of the year, many Fallow Deers, many House Martins and Chaffinches, Redstart, Mistle Thrush, Buzzard and a few Small Heath butterflies. What a late spring day!

On 6th June I had a brilliant walk on a dry patch of a grey and showery day from Turf Hill to Deadman Hill. I felt a strong sense of wilderness of hearing the trees swaying a bit in the wind and smelling a summer heath. I also saw a little bit of early purple heather coming out and one of the habitat’s star species my first Silver-studded Blue butterfly of 2020 an amazing moment to see this precious species so nicely an early sighting for it in a year really on a mostly grey day slightly hunkered down on the slopes of Deadman Hill. A view of Yellowhammer, a young Stonechat, some Fallow Deers really closely, bog cotton grass and an adorable New Forest pony foal completed my highlights that day.

On a scorching Sunday at the height of a heatwave at Cadman’s Pool on a brief walk after another elsewhere in another national park the South Downs I was so happy to see my first Golden-ringed Dragonflies of the year flying over the steam here. Classic New Forest wildlife on a vintage summer wildlife day for me always a beautiful and well-marked dragonfly I aim to see in a year. I also got great Southern Hawker views of a female and did my last of many Big Butterfly Count surveys there seeing 8 Large White, 4 Gatekeeper, 4 Small White, 1 Holly Blue and also 1 Peacock which was nice adding some real variety of habitats for my butterfly counts this year. That day I was also thrilled to see like Golden-ringed Dragonfly a summer New Forest speciality two young Siskins, Bullfinch over a period I saw them a lot and lots of New Forest ponies on a hot day including foals after seeing adorable baby donkeys on the way there and a pig. The weekend after the weather had changed and it was a wet day the Saturday but on it I discovered a new place and had my first ever walk at Matley. It was nice to photograph a view here I had seen lots of times from the car on the way to and from other car parks we walk at very nearby and could never photograph I took the eighth picture in this photoset of this. The walk and on the way in was the first time I saw heather gloriously purple and at its peak this year so I thoroughly enjoyed seeing and appreciating that and getting photos I especially loved seeing it and photographing it when it rained hardest looking very atmospheric. A sight I adore in the forest especially. Wildlife wise it was great to see on that walk a Kingfisher briefly flying along a stream, Swallows quite late in their season over the heath, moths and lots of Robins. Lots of autumnal sightings that day too as I address early on in my autumnal highlights blog. The heather at its purple I expect of late summer but the autumn really was seeming to have come early in this strange year.

The heather looked glorious on a walk at Ashley Walk in the New Forest to the Leaden Hall area and back it was so purple and carpeted the landscape so nicely. I saw some top wildlife that day including another Common Grayling butterfly, Wheatears including young, Linnets, Stonechats, Meadow Pipits, Mistle Thrush, Buzzard, many Fallow Deers out on the heath two herds which was so nice to see it was particularly a great day for grazing animals with cattle calves, donkeys and New Forest ponies both with young also seen very well and included in my photos a few taken that day. In a great bit of flower action alongside the lovely heather I loved spotting my first ever devil’s-bit scabious a wonderful flower to see which I took the ninth picture in this photoset of. I identified it using the plant net app photo identification a kind Twitter friend suggested it to me and it became invaluable in my best ever year of flowers which I speak about more in my two butterfly related highlights posts. Other autumnal colour in the landscape and nice sky scenes on a showery to start the walk but mostly very nice afternoon stood out that day. We were back at Ashley Walk for our now annual October walk from here up to Leaden Hall of an afternoon to try and catch the Ring Ouzels coming through on their outward migration and we were so delighted to see at least two of these beautiful thrushes really well that day. It was a brilliant afternoon watching this truly special bird it was special to see them for a fourth time for me, and get views as I did of them they really were my best ever views of these birds for the length of views time wise and how clear I could see them in binoculars and landed the birds showed well and did exciting flyovers which I loved and make out the differences to the very similar Blackbirds which were about namely the white bib on the plumage of the male, the lighter and quite creamy underwings when flying and how much bigger they are which I particularly noticed that day. One of my best bird species seen this year too without doubt and it makes me so proud of the New Forest having these birds around they really are incredible. I also heard one make its nice “tak” noise that day and in the rich berry bushes with them and the Blackbirds was a Song Thrush. I took the tenth and final picture in this photoset of a Ring Ouzel that day. That day I also enjoyed seeing Buzzard flying over, get stunning Kestrel views of one right beside the path and with Meadow Pipits and Stonechat get brilliant clear views of a delightful Dartford Warbler one of my favourite birds flitting around at the tops of bushes. A famous New Forest species that I’ve had such a good year for them this was however the first I had seen in the forest this year which really matters to me as for such a rare bird the New Forest is a key refuge for them and it’s a key bird of the habitat and where I fell in love with it. We also took in great mushrooms, landscapes and sky views. And as I mention in my seventh of these posts about my autumn on the way home by Bramshaw I saw my first pigs out for pannage of the year which is always a memorable moments and some Fallow Deers during their rut at Leaden Hall.

I had a brilliant walk at Blackwater on 4th October when as I mention in my seventh of these posts about my autumn in which I mention the New Forest quite a bit as usual in also seeing a herd of Red Deers and red fly agaric mushrooms. But on that day I was so happy to see a cute, fascinating, beautiful and shy mammal a Muntjac Deer briefly it was a fantastic view of only my third ever and first of the year. It took my mammal year list to 17 making it my second highest ever after last year’s. It also meant for the first time ever after the Chinese Water Deer sighting in Norfolk meant I’ve seen all six wild British deer species in my life that I saw all six of them in a year quite special following last year seeing the five deer species I’d seen in my life this took it a stage further nicely. I also loved seeing another Lesser Redpoll on this fairly wet walk yet another I’d seen in the open forest this year which felt very satisfying to see this beautifully marked bird again I did enjoy seeing it as well as Coal Tit and two Treecreepers. The wildlife I saw on this day made me so proud to know, love and live so close to the New Forest and I enjoyed some great atmospheric views on a mostly wet day which I always love at Blackwater.

On 24th October one of my best days this autumn and ever for two autumnal features as I wrote about in my seventh of these posts about autumn we went back to Pig Bush for a third time this year. Alongside the autumnal bits it was a classic Pig Bush visit as on a pretty wet day it was interesting and beautiful to see the rain showers move through the big landscape. I also enjoyed seeing a second New Forest Kestrel in as many Saturdays quite close after the one at Ashley Walk, a dragonfly quite late either Migrant or Southern Hawker, lovely New Forest ponies and cattle with calves too. There were also lovely flowers around some nice yellow ones and scabious probably small scabious. This was a special day as our annual October Pig Bush visit as that’s when we first ever went there one of if not the favourite individual spot in the New Forest for me so it reminds us of how it looked that day and it was actually 10 years on from when we first went there. It was a fitting top afternoon for that occasion. I wrote about Pig Bush in my autumn as I have said and week off in June highlights posts in this year’s thread of blogs. The next day at Rockford Common I really liked seeing a rainbow over the heath and being the backdrop of New Forest ponies this was very beautiful, especially lovely with what rainbows came to mean in honour of our National Health Service this year. Other highlights were Roe Deer seen quite closely, Stonechats in the sun which was quite nice to see and some other autumnal things as I wrote about in that highlights post later in this thread of blogs. Also that day the day after the clocks went back this autumn as the sun came down over the heath walking through fairly dark woods we heard a loud barking noise. To my delight I looked up to see a smashing looking Raven fly over with its big beak and I got some great views of it. A really fantastic wild moment, as it had done before elsewhere it epitomised the wilderness of the New Forest for me, beautiful. A fitting end to what was a thrilling and packed wild New Forest weekend for me.

I wrote a little bit about the New Forest in my fifth highlights blog coming up in this thread about my week off in June this year, during which I saw my first Spotted Flycatcher of the year at Pig Bush which was a great moment for me. The New Forest gets mentioned in and indeed began with me seeing devil’s finger and the very rare and New Forest speciality nail fungus near Bolton’s Bench my bonus 11th and final post about my November and December.

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

Christmas without Miracles

I’ve fallen a bit behind on my contributions to @drawlight’s Advent Calendar, but behold!

One fic using two prompts so I feel less guilty!

This one takes place in the early 1800s. No specific location - just isolated, outside of England, and cold.

This is supposed to be a few years before the 1862 argument, but if you want to headcanon a universe where this happens instead of the 1862 argument, that’s cool, too.

06 - Sleigh Bells/07 - Silent Night (2,630)

Snow had started to fall.

Just lightly, each white flake twisting down from a sky dark with clouds.

All the usual nighttime noises – insects, animals rustling in the undergrowth, even the wind in the trees – were silenced. Just the gentle hush of snow accumulating, molecule by molecule.

Aziraphale knew he should be inside. There was a fire blazing in the hearth, the cabin bright and warm and empty. Two of the three would be an improvement on what he had out here, standing on the porch, looking across the rolling, tree-dotted hills.

Cold. Empty. Silent.

He hated the silence most of all.

--

Crowley didn’t hate snow, so long as he didn’t have to travel in it.

Walk, and your boots filled up with snow.

Ski, and you looked ridiculous anywhere outside the Alps. And in them, too.

Riding a horse was out – if he went the rest of eternity without ever sitting on one of those again, he’d be happy.

But anything with wheels was also out – carriages and wagons and carts could barely handle clean city streets.

Trains were good, if the tracks were cleared, but so far Hell had not been interested in his proposal to build a train line that stopped at every human residence in the world. Which was fine, that had only been semi-serious, anyway.

The only remaining option was to use some form of sled.

He glared at the…sled? Sleigh? Whichever. It was small, just enough room for one person, or a small pile of supplies, to sit in it the seat, but whoever drove it had to stand behind on the runners. It was pulled by some kind of long-maned pony or very small horse that looked like it had its own ideas about who was in charge.

The bridle and reins were covered in bells.

“Do you have one without the bells?” he asked, not even really hoping.

“Nope,” the man said with the cheerful joy of one who knows he has the transportation market cornered for the next few months. “Those bells let people know you’re coming even when they can’t see you. And anyway, they keep off the evil spirits.”

“So I’ve heard.” Crowley reached over and flicked a finger at one of the large silvery bells.

Chk-chk-chk

The whole line jingled, sending shivers up and down his arms, settling at the back of his neck.

He hated that noise most of all.

--

Too many frivolous miracles.

First, a letter full of such threatening language that only a trek through a revolution-torn city to find his favorite pastries – as well as a not-quite-chance encounter with a certain demon – had been able to calm him down again.

Then, a commendation. Congratulations on performing your job perfectly as always.

And now, a “meditative retreat” – five months alone to think about what he should and shouldn’t be using his powers to achieve. No miracles allowed.

A month and a half in, he’d decided – he hadn’t the faintest idea.

Take the most simple of duties: sometimes, he was assigned to keep a person safe.

Did that mean use a miracle to stop them from being injured? Or to heal them afterwards? Or was he supposed to guide them, miracle-free, as if he were another human? Do what seems best, he’d be told, but what seemed best to him never seemed best to anyone else.

Or protecting himself – his corporation, rather, since Aziraphale’s true self was rarely in danger. Could he use a miracle to avoid a dangerous situation? Heal himself from an injury? Was his body the same as a human body, or less valuable? Was all this a waste of Heaven’s resources when he could simply get a new body? How many miracles were equal to one body, anyway?

Questions he shouldn’t ask. Shouldn’t have to ask. He should just know. Angels received their orders, obeyed them, and chose the best course of action, because that’s what angels did.

Angels weren’t supposed to get confused.

But Aziraphale did. All the time. What did that make him?

--

Crowley preferred to do everything by miracle.

Need new clothes? Manifest them.

Need money? There it is.

Food? Never bothered to learn to cook. When he was hungry, he pulled fully prepared meals out of the nearest cupboard.

Hell rarely tracked exactly what he did, as long as he could demonstrate evil had been accomplished.

But they did track where he was, using miracles. It didn’t do to be more than a few miles from where you were supposed to be.

This wasn’t anywhere near Venice, which was a pity, because he’d rather like to be in Venice right now.

He stared around the bakery. “I don’t know. Just get me several things that are hot and edible.” He had a list, but it wasn’t helping. “Do you have a…stuffing? Or butter?”

“You can get butter from the general store,” the baker’s wife offered, putting together his packages.

“No. The shop person said they didn’t have any dairy.”

“He just meant milk and cream. They’ll have butter, and cheese if you want it.”

Crowley dragged the heel of his hand across his forehead. He’d lived in agricultural societies. He knew perfectly well that butter and cheese were both dairy. “Fine. I’ll go back. How about the stuffing?”

“You’ll want to make your own.”

“Really don’t.”

“I can give you a family recipe!” She started writing in pencil on the brown wrapping of one of the packages. “You’ll need ground beef, sausage…”

A few minutes later, Crowley opened the door to the bitter cold wind outside, making all the bells in the wreath jangle up and down his already-raw nerves.

Chk-chk-chk

He paused, cracked his neck, and kept walking.

--

Aziraphale finally had to return to the cabin, as the snow had piled up higher than his feet.

Only a single room – wood stove, table and benches, rug; there was a bed even though he didn’t sleep, a few pots and pans even though there was no food. 

No chair. No books. Well, one book.

Gabriel had left him a journal, and pen and ink. Encouraged him to write down his thoughts.

Aziraphale thought best when he was reading, talking, engaging with someone or something. For the first few weeks, he’d talked to himself a lot, arguing with the empty room, having mock conversations, even reciting poetry he had memorized.

But slowly the oppressive quiet had settled across his soul. And he found himself picking up the pen to write –

What? What could he write about? His doubts? His confusion? What would he even say?

When it got to be too much, he tried drawing, sketching out what he could see. That helped a little, but once he’d scribbled down images of the room, the hills outside, the one tree he liked to walk to…well, he was back to the same dilemma, what to write?

Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to list a few questions. Just so he could think about the answers.

--

Chk-chk-chk

The door of the last shop slammed behind Crowley, bells clattering. Shaking his head to clear it, he checked his list one more time. It looked like he had everything, though the ink was already smudging where snowflakes fell on it.

He settled the packages into the sled, tucking a blanket all around them, and pulled up the collar of his coat against the biting wind.

“Better leave room for yourself,” said the kid.

Crowley looked him up and down. Seventeen or so, son of the man who had rented him the sled and horse. He was supposed to drive it out and return with it.

“Nope. I’m driving, you’re staying.”

“That’s not how this works. We only have a few, and we need to be able to get supplies out in an emergency –”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Crowley handed over a pile of money. “This should cover the sled and the horse, in case I don’t come back. Plus a bit. Give it to your dad.” He considered the kid another moment. “You have, I don’t know, a girl you like? Boy? Anything?” The kid tried to give him a stubborn, blank look, but some of that pink wasn’t just from the cold. “Whatever, not my business.” Crowley handed over the rest of his money, saving only what he would need to get back to London. “Give him, her, or them something nice. Cheers.”

While the kid was still staring at the pile of money, Crowley climbed onto the runners of the sled and took the reins in both hands.

Chk-chk-chk

He felt that one in his stomach.

With another jingling of sleigh bells, he shook the reins –

And nothing happened.

“Go.”

Nothing.

“Move, horse!”

Now it was just embarrassing.

The kid leaned against the sled. “Are you sure? I don’t think you know what you’re doing.”

“Of course I don’t!” He jerked the reins back, trying to ignore the way the sound of bells hammered into his spine. “But no one can know where I’m going.”

With a shrug, the kid shoved the money into his pocket. “Pull on one side, gently, to turn. Not too sudden, it’ll tip over. Whoa to slow down, walk to go, and remember, you’re in charge.” He winked, and walked away with a swagger that wasn’t quite as good as the demon’s, but better suited to over six inches of snowfall.

Clutching the reins again, Crowley called: “Walk.  WALK!” He shook them hard. “COME ON YOU BLESSED HORSE, WALK!”

Nothing moved.

--

Once Aziraphale had started writing, it was hard to stop.

Page after page. Whatever entered his mind.

It was nice just seeing the ink flow.

Hearing the scratch of the pen fill the silence.

--

Crowley got off the back of the sled and walked up to the horse, grabbing it by the bridle. “Listen, here, you, I am in charge!”

The horse snorted and stomped directly onto his foot.

“Nghaa that was not – ugh!”

The horse shook its head, jingling the bells again and again until Crowley was ready to tear his own ears off, until Crowley let go and stepped back.

The horse lashed its tail.

“Look, fine.” Crowley grumbled trying to stand where the horse could see him clearly, despite the snow that was now falling thick. “You’re in charge if that’s what you want. But I need to get somewhere. I should have been there hours ago. Days ago. You are my only way of getting there. I have nothing to bribe you with. I promise, you get fed either way, you get brushed either way, and you will absolutely get enough apples and sugar to make you sick because I’m not doing anything else with those.”

He reached out a hand to touch the horse. He had lived in agricultural societies, but he was much more comfortable around the crops and plants than the animals. Still, rather to his surprise, the horse let him stroke its nose. “Please. This is more important than you can imagine. Just get me there.”

He stepped back onto the runners, picked up the reins. “Walk.”

The horse didn’t walk. It moved much quicker than that.

--

Aziraphale lay down his pen, wiggling his fingers after all that writing. There were a lot of words on the page. Perhaps he should read over them.

He found himself walking back to the door, stepping into the silent night outside again.

The snow was falling so fast it was almost a physical thing, blocking his view even where the light from the door should have been enough to see the edge of the woods. It spilled across the porch, piled at the corners of the cottage.

And still, everything was so quiet. Even the wind, which had picked up, seemed to carry only the flakes and not any sound –

Were those sleigh bells?

A moment later a horse came into view – one of the small, sturdy northern breeds – pushing on through the unbroken snow, pressing through the storm with determined strides, pulling behind it a small sled and clinging to the back of that –

“Crowley?”

“Whoa,” called the dark figure. “Whoa – I said whoa! We’re here!”

With a final jingle of bells, the horse stopped in front of the porch, and Crowley fell backwards, off the sled runners and into the snow.

“Crowley! What the Hell are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Angel.”

“You’re supposed to be in Italy!”

“Yeah, I am. No, don’t worry, I can pick myself up.” He started to rise, then stumbled again.

Aziraphale rushed forward. “I’m – I didn’t realize – what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Bloody sleigh bells. Chase off evil spirits.” He clasped Aziraphale’s hand, pulling himself up. “I’ll be fine, just need to get a drink and warm up.”

“Of course, but – I don’t have any food or drink.”

With a very tired grin, Crowley tossed aside the blanket in the sled. “Happy Christmas, Angel.”

--

Crowley had needed to compromise on a few things.

He had the goose, and what he was assured were all the ingredients needed for stuffing and gravy.

Potatoes, brussels sprouts, and parsnips had been easy to find; and something he was almost certain was redcurrant sauce.

There had been no plum pudding this far from England, or mince pies, or fruitcake – though he wasn’t certain fruitcake was something you bought, it was possible all fruitcakes already existed and were simply eternally exchanged. He had managed to get a variety of sweet pastries.

Lots of wine.

And two bundles of books – the ones he had picked out at stops on the way, and the ones he had taken from the shop. Aziraphale shouldn’t have been surprised Crowley knew his favorites, but the demon was pleased at his smile either way.

There were two things to take care of first.

Crowley spied the notebook as soon as he stepped in. He only glanced at it long enough to see that Aziraphale had written a lot.

Then he picked it up and dropped it into the flames of the stove.

“Crowley! That was a private journal!”

“No it wasn’t.” He pulled off his glasses and glared at Aziraphale. “What did you think, they were going to let you keep that? Ask you to tell them the important parts? They left you here alone to write your own confession.”

Aziraphale clenched his teeth, didn’t say anything.

“I don’t like it.” Crowley grumbled. “They’ve never done anything like this before. I don’t know what’s changed.”

The other issue was the horse.

“No, I can’t have a horse in the cabin!”

“You can’t leave it outside, Angel, it’s a storm!”

“I thought you didn’t even like horses.”

“I don’t! But this one got me here and…” Crowley shrugged. “And it’s as much of a bloody-minded stubborn bastard as you are, so you’ll probably get along.”

Aziraphale sighed, and Crowley could see him start to give in. “How am I supposed to hide the fact that there’s been a horse in here when Gabriel gets back? We can’t miracle it clean.”

“Eh, just tell him some traveler lost in the storm stayed here a while. It’ll be true enough.”

--

And so, with the horse in the corner working through its feed bag and having the night of its life, Crowley and Aziraphale set about figuring out how to make a Christmas dinner.

It wouldn’t be perfect.

Neither of them had ever cooked without miracles before. There was immediately an argument over how one peeled a potato, and what exactly stuffing was for, really.

It wouldn’t be perfect.

But the jangle of the bells had ended, the silence had been driven from the cabin, and once again they were together.

And that, in a way, was perfect.

[lemoncakepanda]

Top 50 NaLu Anime Moments {Pt 3}

I am so sorry it took me so long to write this! This week has been a roller-coaster to me, especially since Tuesday. I got so busy, and every time I would log into tumblr, I would only look at my dashboard and have absolutely no energy left to write. Without any further delay, let me show you guys the rest of my top 50, and today we’re covering moments 30 through 21.

Part 2 can be found here.

30. “I’ll be lonely, you idiot!” (Ep 265).

This moment still makes me so emotional. Like... i’ve said this before on my previous top 25 moments, so there’s nothing much to add, but I love this moment because it shows how much Lucy began to rely on Natsu. How much she needed his presence around her, despite always kicking him out and scolding him. And then to lose all that? Just like that? To be filled with such a huge sense of security, the certainty that someone will always be there for you, and to have that ensurance taken away from you? That must’ve hurt. That must’ve broken her heart and it’s no wonder she’s so upset with Natsu when he comes back (again, I get why Natsu had to leave and I’ve already given my thoughts on it, but I also get Lucy’s side) and must’ve stung extra harder bc she’d just lost Aquarius, something she also never thought would happen. But yeah, this is why I like this scene, despite it being sad. It was great character development for Lucy, showed the development in NaLu, and it also pushed the ship forward by giving if conflict and separation, which only resulted in bringing them closer in the future. Also, I also like how Natsu only left a note to Lucy and no one else. She really is his most precious person, along with Happy.

29. “Let’s save the tears for when we win.” (Ep 159).

As a big sucker for moments where Natsu comforts Lucy, this one’s gotta be in the list. Despite being in a team of 5, despite her whole guild being there, only one person came to pick up Lucy and lift up her spirits and that was Natsu. It could’ve been anyone, really. Erza or Gray. But Mashima thought (and I agree) Natsu would make the most sense, because of how deep the NaLu relationship runs, to showcase how they’d grown even stronger since Tenrou Island, and it worked! Natsu, who’d once called Lucy useless to her face, coming up to her and telling her she was amazing, even though she lost? Lucy, who was always so annoyed with Natsu and his fighting, looking up to him with tears in her says saying “i’m all fired up”? That’s the kinda development we strive for.

28. “You’re Lucy of Fairy Tail, aren’t you?” (Ep 23).

I swear, this ship makes me want to scream. And here we come back to a time when Natsu and Lucy were still growing as a team, and still didn’t know each other that well, but already had so much faith on one another. This, I feel, is the first time (after, you know, the tower jump) where it showed that they actually cared and understood each other, mostly Natsu, in this case. Everyone else told Lucy not to cry, not to blame herself because of what her father did, meanwhile, Natsu merely reminded her of who she was. Where she belonged to. And like Lucy said later in the arc, she believed her mother would want her to follow her heart and do what she wanted, and this was probably the first time someone other than Layla showed Lucy that her choice was hers to make, and hers only. Like i’ve said before, what Natsu said, what he did for her here, helped shape Lucy into the person she is today, as well as it’s what also helped Lucy to start relying more on Natsu emotionally, whereas she relied mostly on him physically, to protect her.

27. “Lucy!” (Ep 303).

This moment... is much lower on my list here, whereas it was so high on the first one, but that’s mostly because my opinion has changed, as well as new moments have arrived that I loved much more, and some other moments too I now realize I took for granted, and took a high spot in my list. But nevertheless, it’s still a very special moment. And despite my problems with the animation, I have to admit that I like the desperation in Natsu’s eyes as he holds onto Lucy for dear life, after almost losing her (big sigh bc we know what happens a few eps later); and he even forgets about the other people around them: Mest, Brandish, even Happy! I like how she came first here to him, how he didn’t even hesitate before grabbing her. Now, how he came from that position to groping her boobs with all his might later, I can’t even explain, just... you know... Mashima.

26. Natsu and Lucy versus Jacob. (Ep 299).

Listen, this... this is one of the funniest fights I’ve ever watched on anime. While I like the pacing better on the manga, I really liked the execution of it in the anime, and hearing Natsu and Lucy’s “dirty talk” was one of my dreams coming to life, lmao. Natsu and Lucy once again showing how great they are at teamwork, and why they work so damn well together, how their thoughts align and how their trust on each other plays a huge deal on their victory. Plus, hello, it’s this moment which gives Mavis the inspiration to defeat Zeref, so it’s an extra big moment, i’d say, despite being severely underrated. Still on topic, I liked how when Lucy was undressed in front of him, Natsu was like “how is this supposed to be hell?” and say what you want, but just because he didn’t blush didn’t mean he wasn’t enjoying that view.

25. “Thank you for protecting our future.” (Ep 187).

Not really a NaLu NaLu moment, but still a very sweet NaLu moment. In case you don’t know (and for that reason, you should not be reading this list), the one in the picture is Future Lucy, and what makes this moment so special is that, even though that’s not present Lucy, it’s still his Lucy. He trusts her word completely and understand she effort she’s made, and all the horrors she’s been through, and he kneels down to the ground, craddles her head and presses his forehead to her, to express how grateful he is for what she’s done, and to show that he appreciates her, even if she’s not from his time. And this must’ve meant so much to this Lucy, because she lost her Natsu; she watched him die (the anime even does a little flashback), and she is back at the warmth and the softness only one person could give her, and she thought she’d never have that again. And then there he was, right in front of her, still the same man she’d always known. Still believing in her. Also, a small bonus: present Lucy is watching all this with a sweet smile and a soft blush on her cheeks.

24. “Don’t worry me like that.” (Ep 310).

And now we’re back to me wanting to scream because of these, bc hey... look at this! How come these two f*ckers started a goddamn a relationship and not even realize it? Like, it’s not even possibly platonic at this point in the story! There’s no friendship that can explain this, especially when it’s purposely being parallel with Gruvia, a canon romantic ship, and especially because we know what led up to this moment. And then you have Lucy holding onto Natsu, so relieved that she found him and squeezing him closer to her, despite not knowing what happened to him or what he’d just done, and Natsu whispering her name, listening to her voice once again when he thought he’d never listen to it again, having her so close to him when he thought he’d lost her... and you want me to not ship that? You want to tell me that’s platonic? I can’t even. I literally can’t even. That’s all I have to say about this.

23. “I want a piggyback ride.” Drunk Lucy round 1. (OVA 4).

While I love Lucy jumping on Natsu and wiggling her body onto his during the christmas ova, I have to admit this moment here has a special place in my heart, which makes it higher on the list. Maybe it’s because it was the first time we saw Lucy drunk, and was still a time when we started to really get NaLu moments, and Lucy’s feelings were still 50/50 to us, and then you get this, and Drunk Lucy is all f*cking over Natsu; she has hearts around her when she’s happy because she saw two Natsus, she makes him omelet (how? idk) and wants to feed it to him, is upset when she thinks he rejects it, wants him to make her purr... this alone should tell you a lot, is all touchy-feely with him, and basks in how warm he is, with her eyes closed. And Natsu, my boy... you coulda just run. You didn’t have to stay there and you didn’t have to obey her, lol. I bet he was freaked out because Lucy had never given him this much attention before, so he didn’t know how to deal with it. Always nice to see some Lucy > Natsu action, so let us all thank Mashima for the existence of Drunk Lucy, who makes this more possible than regular Lucy bc she lives in denial, lol.

22. “Beautiful”. (Ep 73).

A classic moment, and one that is immensely loved within the NaLu fandom, and rightfully so! Not only is this the most beautiful tree i’ve seen in anime, but also gave so much more depth to Natsu and Lucy’s relationship, despite being a simple omake. I’ve mentioned this before, but after Phantom Lord arc, there was very little development on NaLu, and most of their scenes together were reapeats of things we’d seen before: them reuniting after the team is separated, working together to solve it, reuniting again, trusting each other, yada yada. Very nice, but still, mostly just friendship and nothing that really stood out. This moment here, where Natsu uproots a tree for Lucy just because she was sick and couldn’t come to see it, then putting it into a boat so it could float all the way over to the front of her house... can be seen as a platonic gesture, and probably was made with that intention on Natsu’s part, but the thing is, these kinda things only happen with them. Yes, Mashima could have given this moment for someone else like Erza or Mirajane, or even Wendy, who was new to the series and probably didn’t even know about this: so why didn’t he? The answer is quite easy, and y’all know it. Development. Growth. Natsu was upset Lucy couldn’t come and join them, didn’t even crack a smile during the whole festival, but he wanted Lucy to be able to, even if he didn’t get to see it. He wanted to make her happy. That’s very special of him, and I think there was already a little of romance there, he just didn’t know what it was, so he just followed his feelings and went for it. Okay, enough gushing and analysing, time to end this list.

21. “What do I look like to you?” round 1. (Fairy Tail: Dragon Cry).

Please, don’t kill me for not having this on top 10, I wanted to put it there, because HELLO, LOOK AT THIS PICTURE, I NEED 911, I- HOW CAN THEY STAND SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER! MY BOYFRIEND SAW ME GIFFING THIS AND ASKED “IS HE TRYING TO KISS HER” AND I JUST FREAKED OUT, SOMEBODY SEDATE ME! Mashima, what were you trying to do with this? Were you trying to kill us? Like, why does Natsu want to know what he looks like to Lucy? And why he’s gotta stand so close to her that their noses are brushing, just to ask her this? AHSIAHSJJAOSJAAKA, I KNOW THE ANSWER, BUT I STILL NEED ANSWERS! Okay, I was able to calm down a little. I really truly love this moment (love dragon cry in general), and I love how Wendy interrupted them and knew immediately she’d walked into something intimate, the poor thing, lmao, I wish that was me. But really, this is just Natsu taking any excuses he can to stand super close to Lucy even when it doesn’t make sense, because we all know he’s just got it real bad for her.

Will try to post part 4 tomorrow, but no promises. My baby niece is staying over and she takes up all of my free time, lol.