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pastelwitchling · 3 years ago

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Under the Sea bonus story! I had so much fun returning to this world and these characters. I just really wanted to write a little epilogue sort of chapter. If you enjoy reading at all, please comment and share, it always makes the world of a difference 💙

Alex heard the laughter of dolphins in his ears, the rush of bubbles against his cheeks as fish swam past. He opened his eyes to treasure; stones of different colors and sizes covered the ocean floor, seaweed, coral, sea creatures of all kinds floated past.

Once upon a time, Alex had feared the ocean as he feared nothing else. Now he knew he was safe in its waters, for the love of his life resided there. He felt hands on his hips, pulling him back against a warm chest, even under the cold water, and he laughed. He was safe, a bubble of air protecting his head down to the base of his neck.

“Have you no decency?” Alex asked even as he tilted his chin up, giving Forrest more access to his skin.

“I wish to kiss my fiancé,” murmured Forrest with a grin against Alex’s neck. “Am I not allowed?”

“Not here,” he huffed, “where someone might see us.”

Forrest turned Alex around, making him laugh. He held his face in his hands, the gold band on his finger cold against Alex’s cheek. Forrest’s long blue and gold tail swayed calmly in the water below them, but his voice was in a near growl when he spoke, “I care not who sees us. Let them envy me, for I am the one to marry the most handsome man in all of the oceans and on land combined.”

Even under the water, Alex’s cheeks heated and he hid his face in Forrest’s shoulder. “Honestly . . .”

“Don’t you dare look down,” Forrest whispered, tilting down so that his forehead pressed against Alex’s, the blue and gold in his dark eyes glimmering with an overwhelming fondness and love that threatened to kill Alex in the best way.

As he neared, Alex’s mouth instinctively fell open, and he found himself closing the distance between them, eager to taste Forrest’s lips in his, when suddenly –

“Oi! Can’t you keep your hands off each other for two bloody minutes?!” Kyle appeared, his green and gold fin swimming behind him. He grabbed Alex’s arm and tugged. “Stop hogging him all to yourself!”

“Oh, leave them alone, Kyle,” Maria sighed dreamily. “They’re in love.”

“They have their entire lives to be in love!” Kyle demanded. “I have only another short moment while Alex is a free man!”

Forrest wrapped his arms around Alex’s shoulders, his smile in place, but his eyes dark. “And what exactly do you assume will happen between you and Alex?”

“Don’t be such a stiff, Forrest,” Kyle rolled his eyes, tugging Alex, and therefore Forrest, closer. “I just want to talk to him. Without you.”

“That’s simply not going to happen.”

“Don’t you trust me?” teased Alex.

“Implicitly,” said Forrest without a moment’s hesitation, and narrowed his eyes at Kyle. “It’s his wandering hands I don’t trust.”

Alex laughed and kissed Forrest’s cheek. He nuzzled his neck. Even underwater, as fish tickled his feet and the world turned to a peaceful silence around them, Alex could still smell Forrest. Even down here, he smelled like the ocean.

“Who knew,” teased Jenna, the white pearls in her hair making her look like an angel, “that Forrest could be so possessive?”

“I did,” Kyle huffed, “since we first found Alex and he wouldn’t let any of us near him.”

“I was being protective,” Forrest insisted. “Oh, enough of all of you. Come along, my love. We’ve been down here long enough and soon people will start to wake. We best get back to the surface so that I can change to my human form.”

Alex nodded, but accepted the hugs from Kyle and the others first. Forrest had been right in that Kyle held on longer than the others, squeezing him tightly enough to make him laugh, and then he had his arms around Forrest again.

“Hold on tight to me, my love,” Forrest whispered into the space between them. Alex remembered a year ago when Forrest had said the same thing to him before saving him from the cavern and returning him to his home. Alex had held on trustingly. Forrest had been his one small relief, even if he hadn’t really known him.

Now, as they rose to the surface together, Alex was filled with laughter, his chest overflowing with love for the merman before him. When they broke the surface, the cold hit them first, but Alex clung to Forrest’s warmth.

“Go on,” Forrest encouraged him, his lips against Alex’s ear. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Alex nodded, and let go of Forrest. He swam to the shore, and walked up the rest of the way. As he stepped out of the waves, he saw the water change color, as though someone were shining a bright blue light underneath the surface, and he turned to find Forrest standing in the water, the waves lapping around his naked waist. His blue hair and the blue glow of his eyes were gone, and his still-glowing blue seashell nestled in his collarbone. Alex smiled. He loved this version of Forrest just as much, for the magic of the sea never seemed to leave him no matter what form he took.

Alex reached for the hidden clothes he kept wrapped in a towel behind a boulder, and handed them to Forrest. Once they were both dried and dressed, they made their usual way up the far left stone steps to the street above.

The marketplace was still mostly bare, but Alex spotted a merchant here and there, preparing their stall for the day. Some waved good morning to him and Forrest, some congratulated them, some merely ogled.

“I hate when they stare,” Alex murmured.

Forrest grinned. “They can scarcely ignore your beauty, darling. Don’t begrudge them for it. I can hardly resist staring at you myself.”

Alex blushed. “That’s different! And it’s not me they’re watching, it’s you!”

He laughed. “So you’re jealous, then?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, and kissed Forrest’s cheek for good measure.

When the wooden sign for Le Gateau au Chocolat – Gregory and Isobel’s pastry shop – came into view, Alex and Forrest decided to race the rest of the way. They both reached the door out of breath with giggles. Alex had won by only a small margin. Forrest had been getting much better at using his legs.

“Oh, Alex, good,” Gregory called from behind the counter. “I’ve decided to change the chicken to beef for tonight.”

Alex faltered. “Isn’t beef expensive?”

Isobel came in from the kitchens. She wiped her hands on her apron and put them on her hips. “Don’t you go worrying about that. We’ve taken care of it.”

Alex looked to Forrest, suspicious. “You didn’t . . .?”

Forrest leapt onto the counter. “Oh, I certainly offered. What’s the point of being a king with riches if I cannot spoil my love? But no, your brother and sister would not hear of it. This time.”

“Stop it,” Gregory scolded. “We’re older, we take care of you, that’s how it works.”

Forrest hummed, and his eyes brightened. “Until Alex and I are married. Then he’s all mine.”

Alex caught Isobel’s amused look, and turned away, his face red. He cleared his throat. “Anyhow. What time’s the dinner?”

“Eight,” Gregory pointed. “Do not be late, both of you. Oh” – he dusted some of the sand off Forrest’s jacket – “and try not to mention any merpeople, will you? The last thing we need is for Liz and Max to know the truth, too.”

“They wouldn’t tell anyone,” Alex defended.

Gregory and Isobel shared a look, and Isobel sighed. “We can’t risk Michael finding out, Alex. I love my brother, but . . .” she shook her head. “Ever since you announced your engagement, he’s been . . .”

“He isn’t happy,” Gregory said. “Let’s put it that way.”

Alex sat down, and looked at the band on his finger. A circle of gold with an aquamarine jewel imbedded in the center. He hated to admit it, but in the moments after his excitement at marrying Forrest had faded, Michael had come to mind. What he would think, how he would feel, react. He’d been anxious, and now he knew he was right to have been.

“It’ll be all right though, won’t it?” he asked, hearing the plea in his own voice.

Forrest’s smile dimmed. He never liked the mention of Michael, but he leapt from the counter regardless, stumbled, then came to sit in front of Alex. He took his hands in both of his and kissed his fingers.

“Everything will be perfect, my love,” he promised. “I’m certain he will come to this dinner with kindness and happiness in his heart. He will be happy only that you are happy.” He hesitated, then, “You . . . are happy, aren’t you?”

“Oh,” Alex breathed, and wrapped his arms around Forrest’s shoulders tightly, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “I love you more than I can say. I’m sorry, my darling, I don’t mean to imply any different.”

“Really, Alex,” Isobel assured him, “you’ve no reason to worry about Michael. I’ll make sure of it.”

Alex sighed, resting his head on Forrest’s shoulder. “I just want everything to be perfect.” He played with Forrest’s fingers. “You’re a king after all, you must have standards.”

“I do,” Forrest nodded. “Absolutely. If it’s not Alex, then I will not have it.”

“Oi, keep your distance, you two,” Gregory warned with his wooden spoon. “We have customers coming in soon, and this is no pub!”

Forrest had Alex’s face in his hands, and was nuzzling his nose. He whispered, “I don’t see any customers now.”

He took Alex’s lips in his own, one hand reaching into his hair, the other cupping his neck. Alex whimpered in the back of his throat, and Forrest tilted his head to deepen the kiss, their mouths slotting perfectly together, Forrest’s tongue sliding against his own.

He ran his hands down Forrest’s chest, and then Gregory threw a rag over their heads. “Were you not listening?” he snapped. “Your engagement dinner’s tonight, can you not contain yourselves?!”

Forrest pointed at Alex’s face, incredulous. “Have you seen him?”

Alex hid his face in Forrest’s shoulder, embarrassed, as Isobel laughed loudly.

“Which looks better?” Liz asked, holding up a deep green dress, and a bright red. “This one? Or this one?”

“I think you look beautiful in both,” Alex said cheerfully. Forrest sat next to him, eagerly shoveling down the biscuits Gregory had given them to have after lunch. Every so often, he offered Alex one, Alex shook his head, and then he ate the entire thing in one bite.

“Mmh – yes,” said Forrest. “Beau—ifful.”

“Oh, you both are useless,” Rosa sighed from where she sat on the counter. “Obviously, the red is terribly unsuitable.”

Liz frowned. “Is it?”

“Yes!” she took a biscuit from Forrest’s plate. “This is an engagement dinner. The red should clearly be saved for the wedding!”

“Do you think so, Alex?” Liz asked.

“Er – actually –”

“What’re you asking him for?” Rosa huffed. “You know he’s too nice to tell you the truth!”

Liz opened her mouth to argue when the front door swung open. Max smiled at them.

“Good afternoon, all!” He ruffled Alex and Rosa’s hair, and kissed Liz’s cheek. “Afternoon, darling.”

“Did you see the suit I put out for you?” Liz said in lieu of a greeting.

“Yes, darling.”

“Don’t you dare wear it until the dinner.”

Max’s smile widened. “Yes, darling.”

“We have to look our best for Alex and Forrest,” she said. Then she mumbled something incoherent to him and they glanced at Alex, as though afraid he’d heard. Max merely nodded in response.

“Honestly,” said Alex, leaning against Forrest’s side. “You don’t have to go through all this fuss. It’s just going to be a small, comfortable dinner.”

Liz put her hands on her hips. “Then why did Flint order a new navy-blue coat for the occasion?”

“Did he?” Alex blinked, and flushed. Since their last voyage, he had feared for his relationship with his brother, the distance the truth about their mother’s death may put between them. He had seemed happy to be invited to the engagement dinner, but Alex had feared it had been an act. To know he cared this much, it gladdened Alex’s heart more than he could say.

Rosa scoffed. “Well, I won’t need any help preparing. I know exactly what to wear.”

“Yes,” Liz said testily, “but will you know how to behave?”

“Oi!” she argued. “Don’t you start with me, it’s Michael you should be concerned about!”

Liz shot her a sharp look, while Max turned a nervous smile on Alex and Forrest. Forrest had stopped eating.

“She’s joking,” Max assured them. “Michael’s really happy for you, Alex.”

Forrest smiled, but it was polite and cold, not at all what Alex was used to. “I trust he will be on his best behaviour.” Then he grumbled, “If not, I’ll throw him into the middle of the ocean.”

Alex hooked his arm around Forrest’s and kissed his shoulder. “Are there any more biscuits left for me?” he murmured.

Forrest’s eyes lit up at once, and he handed Alex the largest he had. “I saved it for you, my love!”

Alex laughed, his heart and the atmosphere of the shop lighter at once.

Forrest insisted on watching the sunset before dinner, but Alex had not needed much persuasion. Once they’d excused themselves from the shop, they made their way down the street, Forrest’s arm hooked around Alex’s. There was a time he had clung to him to walk, but now he stayed close for the sake of staying close itself. Forrest played with his fingers, and Alex kissed the back of his hand.

“Congratulations, dears!” Mrs. Valenti called for what felt like the millionth time, as she liked to congratulate them whenever they passed by. “Isn’t it so exciting, Mr. Higgins?”

“Eh?” Mr. Higgins chuckled good-naturedly. “Yes, yes, terribly happy for them!”

Forrest’s eyes lingered, once again, on the frozen fish in Mr. Higgins’ market stall, but at a kiss to his cheek from Alex, his eyes brightened once again.

Instead of going down to shore, they sat on the brick wall that overlooked the ocean, their legs dangling over the end. The sand below was soft, so there was no fear of falling. Nonetheless, Forrest kept a tight arm around Alex’s waist, and Alex felt safe.

The sky turned to rose and violet and gold as the sun fell behind the ocean’s surface. Alex asked if Forrest had seen plenty of sunsets before.

“I try to,” he confessed, “but there’s quite a risk of being seen by sailors, even so far out at sea.”

Alex shuddered as he thought of Forrest tied to a ship’s mast, at sailors who were happy to harm him because of what he was. He burrowed deeper into his side and nuzzled his neck.

“I will never let anyone touch you again, sailor or otherwise,” he promised in a whisper.

Forrest kissed the top of his head. “And I will protect you with my life.”

“Will I ever see your underwater kingdom?” Alex asked.

Forrest laughed. “Certainly,” he said. “I will have a room prepared where not a drop of water would dare to enter.”

Alex closed his eyes and let the sun’s warmth bathe them both in gold. “I don’t fear drowning with you at my side.”

“And you never shall have to,” Forrest told him, his hold tightening and promising a king’s protection.

They kissed in the setting sun until their lips swelled. They kissed until Forrest’s hand sought out the hem of Alex’s shirt, and Alex realized that if they did not stop soon, they would not stop at all. Then all those walking on the street behind them would have a true reason to stare. They kissed until Alex started to want nothing more than to fall to the sand below with Forrest in his arms, and forget the engagement dinner entirely. To prove their love another way.

Then he took Forrest’s wrist and pressed their foreheads together, the two panting, and pulled them both to their feet at the first signs of the evening stars. They went hand-in-hand, laughing, back to the pastry shop.

Alex told Forrest about the gold coat he’d asked Liz for him to wear, and Forrest told Alex about the deep blue ocean flower he’d acquired for Alex’s coat pocket.

Then a voice cut through their conversation like knife through ice.

“Alex,” Michael said with a nod. “Forrest.” His eyes fell on Alex and Forrest’s intertwined hands. “Am I too early?”

His voice was subdued, and Forrest’s eyes had darkened.

“Good evening, Michael,” he said, his grip on Alex’s hand tightening. “Not at all. Please, come in.”

“Are you nervous?” Forrest asked from where he sat on the edge of Alex’s bed. Alex watched him through the mirror’s reflection.

Alex pulled on his coat and took a seat beside him. He interlocked their hands. “Are you?”

Forrest smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. “Only that you will change your mind.”

Alex raised a brow. “Do you truly imagine my heart so fickle?”

Forrest’s grip on his hand tightened. “I imagine that there is no one who can love as you can. I know it. It is for that reason that I cannot help but worry. He was your first love.”

“And you are my last,” Alex told him. “That carries far more weight, in my opinion.”

Downstairs, they could hear the muffled clinking of cups and plates as the sky turned dark and stars peeked out. In the distance, the waves lapped against the shore softly, a comforting reminder that there was always somewhere they could escape to, somewhere where the troubles of land could not follow.

Forrest said nothing for a long while, then, “I do not want to see you harmed.”

“I could only be harmed by losing you,” Alex promised him. “I am marrying a king, it is you who has far more prospects.”

Forrest scoffed half-heartedly. “I will tell you what I’ve already told your brother; have you seen you?”

Alex burst into giggles, his face warm. He felt the soft touch of Forrest’s lips to his cheek. The laughter faded as they pressed their foreheads together, Alex’s eyes closed as he breathed Forrest in.

“Stay close to me,” he whispered.

Forrest nodded once, his lips brushing Alex’s. “Forever.”

Dinner had started off well. Alex and Forrest descended down the staircase to the shop where a long table sat and fairy lights had been hung up. The table lay covered with platters of beef, cheese, fruit and bread. Glasses of wine sat at every chair. Isobel and Gregory had truly outdone themselves.

Liz sat between Max and Rosa. Beside Max was Michael, Isobel, Gregory, and Flint. Forrest pulled out Alex’s chair for him, making him blush, and kissed the top of his head before taking the seat beside him. Alex did not dare glance at Michael.

For the most part, they shared in their stories, and though Forrest could not share many of his own for fear of exposing himself, he seemed quite content to listen to Alex’s versions of his bravery and kindness.

“I hear you were responsible for helping to save Alex,” Michael told Forrest, for he had but one of the many different stories of Alex and Forrest’s first meeting. He bowed his head once. “I sincerely thank you.”

“I could not see anything happen to him,” Forrest said, smiling at Alex. “It was love at first sight, you see.”

Alex hoped Michael would not respond, but then he said, “Yes, I understand the feeling.” He was looking directly at Alex, his gaze pointed as though he was trying to share a secret message with him.

Then Forrest took Alex’s hand and kissed the aquamarine bracelet he’d given him so many months ago on the shore. “All right, darling?” he whispered, and Alex nodded, the smile returning to his lips at Forrest’s eyes on him.

“Goodness, Alex,” Liz sighed. “I do love that bracelet. Forrest made that for him,” she told Michael, “did you know?”

“Purely for selfish reasons,” Forrest confessed. “I’ve always wanted to see Alex in aquamarine. He looks so beautiful with it, doesn’t he?”

“Where did you get that?” Flint murmured. “Bottom of the ocean?”

Gregory nudged Flint with his elbow, but the five of them were already laughing at the private joke.

“Honestly, Forrest,” grinned Isobel, “do you care about anything but Alex?”

Forrest hummed, eyes narrowed. “No, I don’t think so. Why?” he asked, genuinely confused when everyone save for Michael started laughing, “Is there anything else to care about?”

“I would think someone of your position would have plenty,” Gregory thoughtlessly said.

Rosa frowned. “What do you mean, of his position?”

Gregory’s eyes widened and Alex tensed. Forrest, after all, was a king. He had plenty of concerns, yet the others at the table did not know that.

It was Isobel who chuckled nervously and said, “Well, you see, Forrest is very wealthy. He has so much to tend to back in – er –”

“Paris,” Gregory quickly finished. “Because, as you all know, he is from Paris. Isn’t that right, Forrest?”

“Certainly,” Forrest nodded. “I am from Paris.”

Everyone returned to their meat and potatoes when all of a sudden a loud CLANK! drove all other conversation away. Michael had roughly set his fork and knife down.

“Is that why you chose him?” Michael asked, breaking the heavy silence. “Because he’s so much wealthier than I am?”

Alex was staring, brows furrowed. He set his utensils down delicately. When he spoke, his voice was cold to his own ears, something fierce and protective overwhelming him. “I beg your pardon?”

Michael scoffed, shaking his head. There was nothing humorous about it.

“Michael,” Max warned, but Michael was already seething.

“I thought it was odd,” he said. “You’d known him for such a short time, yet you fell in love so quickly. Is that why, Alex? He could take better care of you than I could?”

“Michael,” Isobel hissed, “enough.”

“Is that why you wouldn’t even give me another chance?”

Forrest stood at once, but Alex took his arm. He’d never seen Forrest’s glare so full of anger.

“I will thank you,” Gregory said darkly, “to mind your manners, Michael.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, crossing his arms on top of the table, his eyes on Alex. “I’m sorry that I’m the only one who will acknowledge that there is too much about Forrest that we don’t know. I’m sorry if I’m the only one who wishes to make certain that Alex is not throwing his life away at the first man to offer him comfort after heartbreak.”

“No, you’re right,” Flint said, slumping in his seat. “I’d much rather my brother stay with someone who hurt him.”

“Please,” Alex said quietly, and the table turned silent. He raised his chin and held Michael’s gaze. “Forrest saved my life in more ways than I could say. I did not know of his wealth until I’d already loved him, and even if I had, it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“Alex –”

“You are a guest,” Alex told him sternly, “in my home. Forrest is my fiancé, and I expect you to treat him with respect.” His shoulders fell, his tone turned pleading. “I want you to be a part of my life, Michael. Please don’t make me push you out of it.”

Michael stared back for a long moment, his jaw clenched. Then he stood, murmured an apology, and left.

Forrest wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders, keeping him close. He pressed soft kisses to his ear, his cheek, his jaw as Gregory and Isobel made quick work of returning the rest of the table to cheerier conversation.

Later that night, Alex woke in bed to find Forrest’s side empty. He sat up, looking through the house, and softly called for Forrest in the shop. When he did not find his fiancé at home, panic began to rise in his chest until he forced it down. His father could not harm Forrest any longer, yet Alex knew he would not rest until he saw his love’s face again.

Realizing there was only one place Forrest could be, Alex quickly threw on a coat and his boots, and made his way down to the shore. There, with his knees pulled up to his chest amongst the waves, sat Forrest, staring out at the ocean. His blue seashell glittered at his neck.

Alex hesitated, then came and sat beside him.

“Are you upset with me?” were his first words.

Forrest frowned. “What in the soundless seas for?”

“The dinner,” he said. “I told Michael I – I wanted him in my life.”

A smirk tugged at Forrest’s lips. “That is no secret, Alex. I’ve known it since before I met you. Don’t you remember?”

Alex did. Forrest had told him that that was when he had first fallen in love with him; when he’d heard Alex speaking of Michael to the stars.

“Forrest,” he said, “I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. Stronger than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

Forrest chuckled. “You dove into the ocean to save me, Alex. I don’t question your love.”

“Yet you’re here,” he said, his chin on Forrest’s shoulder, “instead of in bed with me.”

Forrest turned to him, kissing his nose. “I fear the mess of my thoughts might’ve troubled your sleep.”

“I am only troubled when you are not there,” he murmured, and kissed Forrest’s shoulder.

“You will never regret me?” asked Forrest.

Alex clenched his jaw. “You are a king. I am a mere human. What could I possibly offer you?”

Forrest cupped Alex’s cheek fiercely, his hold tight. He let his hand fall down Alex’s jaw, his neck, and settled on his opened coat collar. As he leaned in, he whispered the words, as though he was shocked Alex did not know the answer already.

“You.”

Before Alex could say anything else, Forrest kissed him. Their lips pressed together again and again, and when Alex felt Forrest’s tongue slide against his own, a moan escaped his lips. When Forrest began kissing down his chin, his neck, Alex looked around to make certain that no one was watching. But then this was the middle of the night. He didn’t think anyone would be awake for hours.

The waves turned suddenly warm as they washed around Forrest and Alex, as their kisses deepened, as Forrest’s fingers undid the buttons of Alex’s coat and gently pushed him onto his back. The kisses turned rougher, more eager, and Alex felt as though they would never move away from one another again.

Alex released a breathy moan as he ran his hands up Forrest’s naked back. He imagined them, lying nude on the beach, Forrest thrusting into him, licking a line along his neck, the cold quickly turning to heat so thick that Alex couldn’t breathe and was happy to suffocate.

He ran his hands down Forrest’s bare cheeks, urging him in deeper. He was so in love he could hardly stand it. This man, bathed in moonlight and showered with drops of the ocean, was to be his husband.

Alex took Forrest’s face in his hands and kissed him as he’d never kissed anyone before. Forrest was all his, the beautiful merman of blue and gold belonged to him. He never imagined, that year ago when he’d first embarked on his father’s voyage, that he would find such joy. When he’d fallen over the ship’s edge and his world had changed forever.

The ocean waves hit the shore with a gentle shushing sound, protecting Alex and Forrest from searching eyes. They were safe here, Alex was safe here. With Forrest, with the ocean, with the life he’d been given when it seemed he’d been destined to drown.

“Hold on tight to me,” Forrest told him. And so Alex did.

#alex manes #forrest long #forlex #forlex fic #forlex fanfic #forlex fanfiction #roswell new mexico #roswell nm #forlex angst #forlex fluff #tyler blackburn #christian antidormi

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moviesbuff · 3 years ago

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My fics:

Young Royals

Relationships: Malex - Isobel/Kyle (Kybel) - Alex & Isobel - Alex & Liz.

Young Royals AU (Prince Michael).

Anti Maria Deluca.

***

Grave Dangers

Relationships: Malex

Mr. Jones kidnaps Alex.

Forlex

Relationships: Forlex.

Jealous Guerin- Past Malex - Endgame Forlex - Good Guy Forrest Long

Taken

Relationship: Tarlos.

Kidnapped TK.

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thedooristhebluecushion · 3 years ago

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Michael accidentally finds himself on a fact finding mission with Alex. He didn’t want this...

#roswell new mexico #roswell #Roswell Nm #michael guerin #alex manes #Michael x Alex #my fic #Malex #malex fanfiction #malex fic #malex angst #malex fluff #there is some forlex #forlex

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echo-bleu · 5 years ago

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let them turn into a river

I've said I wouldn't write any more codas. Yet here I am. This works through some of my thoughts about Alex this season, which may not be everyone's cup of tea.

This also fills two prompts I got: "being given an unexpected hug, and stiffening, then melting into it" by @daffietjuh and "Alex has a breakdown over something mundane like what type of tuna to buy" (I think the original prompt was by @meneatyoghurt, and @rensbaratheon gave it to me).

[PTSD flashbacks, panic attack, mentions of abuse, discussion of possible dub-con (2x06)]

I'm fine. I'm completely fine, Alex repeats to himself as he wanders down the supermarket aisle in search of pasta.

It's not untrue, not exactly. He's certainly functioning a lot better than he was when he first got back from overseas, and his leg is doing rather well these days, even if it's now twinging in pain from the long day he's had. It's just that...he's had nothing but long, exhausting days in what feels like months. It's just that he's really, really tired.

And now he's in the store on a Saturday evening at eleven pm because the really, really nice guy he was hoping to try dating isn't willing to put up with his baggage. Alex can't blame Forrest. He wouldn't put up with it if he had a choice. He spent hours just staring at the bottom of his glass after Forrest left, until Maria slammed a bottle in front of him to get his attention and invited herself to lunch tomorrow.

“It's been a while since we really talked, Alex. I almost feel like you're the one avoiding me now.” The little progress Alex has made−according to his therapist, anyway−on setting his boundaries and asserting what he wants must have evaporated sometime during that night, because he didn't manage to say no.

Which means he needs to figure out what to cook. It's going to have to be meatball pasta, Alex decides. It's the only thing he can think of right now that's suitable for a guest but doesn't require a lot of preparation, and he has no wish to spend hours in the kitchen. He grabs his usual brand of pasta, grateful that he knows where it is by heart, and moves down the aisle to the sauce area.

The whole section of tomato sauce cans stares back at him.

Alex takes a step back to encompass the whole thing with his gaze, curses as the move twists his prosthesis enough for a sharp spike of pain to travel up his leg, and closes his eyes to center himself. Breathe. Everything's fine.

There are cans and boxes and bottles. Tomato sauce and pulp and juice. Several brands of each, with added flavoring and different sizes. How can there be dozens of different options? Alex is just looking for something to put in meatball pasta, it shouldn't be complicated.

He peers at the labels again, trying to wake up his brain enough to decide. But there's prices to think of, and ecology−what's better again, metal cans or cartons?−and so many different types and some of them are written in fucking Italian and he cannot choose. He stays frozen, two feet away from the shelves, vaguely rocking on his heels.

He can't breathe.

He can't breathe and he can't read the labels anymore because everything is suddenly out of focus. Fuck. He blinks, and inspires−and chokes, and wheezes, and shit, this shouldn't be so hard, why is he having a fucking panic attack in the middle of the deserted supermarket at 11 pm?

But he is, and thinking about how this should be simple, and why is he such a failure, is definitely not helping. He reaches out, tries to grab a can at random, and only succeeds in miscalculating and knocking several cans off the shelf. The noise they make hitting the floor is deafening.

Alex flinches, hard, and falls backward when it triggers another spike of pain up his leg and back. He hits the shelves at his back, probably knocking more things over−but he doesn't hear them fall over the buzzing in his ears. He feels the pain, though. The pain and the lack of air and the blackening at the edge of his vision.

Breathe.

He closes his eyes tight, letting himself fall on his ass on the floor and curl up. With his left knee under his chin, his right leg extended, he digs his nails into his palms. I can't do this. I can't.

He can't have Maria over, and pretend everything is fine. He can't talk to her about her relationship with Michael and about his own failed date. He can't look at her and forget about her kissing him, about the mess of limbs and emotions that followed, about how he can't feel anything but disgust toward himself ever since.

He can't.

Today has been a roller-coaster already. The elation he felt at the paintball park is long forgotten, replaced by wave upon wave of shame. At everything, at the mirror of himself he glimpsed in his father's eyes, at the way he froze with Maria, at the uncontrollably fear that gripped his gut when Forrest leaned in for a kiss, when he'd thought−he doesn't know what he'd thought. Only that in that moment, he felt a hand around his neck clearer than he has in months.

He feels it still, as he gasps for air. He spent every second in the hospital, from the moment his father first lost his temper, waiting for the hand to close around him. And yet he couldn't stop himself from catching his dad when he stumbled, even as he expected him to lash out. Why can't he even fucking put a stop to that? Let go of this monster for good, cut him out of his life?

Because he's a coward, that's why. He presses his back into the shelves until it hurts so much he gasps out. Pain. Focus. Breathe.

He's a fucking coward, so of course he's not good enough for someone like Forrest. Just like he'll never be good enough for Michael.

Michael. His mouth on him, again, after months of fantasizing about that. His warmth, his unique scent, his breathing−but they're not alone, and it's too much, too fucking much, that's not what he wants. Alex's skin crawls like that day, and he scrapes his nails at his palms, like he wants to rip it off.

No, no. No. He can't think about that again. He's in the middle of a fucking supermarket, for God's sake! He can't go down that hole.

Get a fucking grip.

Tomato sauce. That's what he needs. Nothing else. He can put everything aside, like how he's going to have to spend hours alone with Maria in his house tomorrow. After being touched by her that way. After watching her touch Michael that way.

He can't even get a handle on his thoughts long enough to remember the tricks his therapist gave him to get out of a panic attack. Counting. Right. One. Two.

No. Counting backward, or in threes, or the brain just takes over. But where to start? Twenty? Is that enough? A hundred? This is too much. How do you count in threes anyway?

Fuck.

Vaguely, he realizes the hand tightening on his throat is his own, his body desperately clawing at itself to breathe. Did his father mix his meds on purpose today? He wouldn't put it past him. But what would his purpose be?

Alex hates it. Being put in this position, the only son in town who is supposed to care for his ailing father. He avoids his childhood home as much as he can, but he's still the contact listed for him at the hospital. He hates watching Jesse Manes struggle to move around and feeling empathy he doesn't want, how somehow this is one more thing that brings them closer instead of separating them. Dammit. His dad in this position because he tried to kill Kyle, after torturing aliens−people−for decades. Alex shouldn't be feeling empathy for this man. He should have watched him fall on his face today, and not even moved a muscle.

Like his father watched him fall too many times after his injury.

Manes men don't show weakness.

Why couldn't he? Why is he such a coward that he can't separate the need to keep his father close, to monitor his actions and find out more about Project Shepard, from his own feelings?

Why can't he let the shadow of his father's abuse behind?

Making out with a hot guy in public is only made hotter when it pisses off all the bigots and the homophobes.

Alex wants to retch in shame.

“Alex!”

Alex can't tell where the voice comes from, but he feels someone coming close and that's what pulls him out of his panic. Reality brutally refocuses. He goes right from foggy, breathless dissociation to cold hypervigilance. He stills, releasing his left leg to be able to use it to swipe at someone's legs, and looks up very slowly.

It's Kyle, crouching down in front of him, frowning in worry. He may have called his name several times already, Alex doesn't know. He's surrounded by fallen cans of tomato, and one of them has burst and send red sauce flying everywhere.

Alex flinches away when Kyle tries to touch him. Breathing burns his lungs, but he forces the air in. Pain doesn't matter. Pain is good, right now, making him focus.

“Alex, what happened?” Kyle asks, like he's speaking to a small child. Or maybe Alex is imagining that. Everything is slow, unreal, his body unfeeling except for the pain.

He tries to make his mouth move to answer, but he can't. He shakes his head in frustration.

“Okay, okay, I won't touch you, alright? It's okay, there's no threat here. Do you know where you are?”

Alex nods, and dips his head, avoiding Kyle's eyes. Coming back to reality just means more shame. He's sitting in the middle of a supermarket, pants stained with tomato, panting and−for God's sake−crying. He's ridiculous.

“Good, you're with me,” Kyle continues. “Was it only a panic attack, or is there something medically wrong with you?”

Alex just stares at him, uncomprehending. He can't put the words together enough to make them make sense.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Kyle reformulates.

Alex shakes his head, and wills his hands to stop trembling.

Without taking his eyes off him for more than a second at a time, Kyle starts to pick up the intact cans of tomato off the floor. Giving him space, Alex understands. When he crouches down again, Alex feels stronger, more anchored, even if his whole body feels like cotton candy.

“Think you can get up now?” Kyle asks.

“Yeah,” Alex rasps out. He holds out a hand, though, rather than try to stand up by himself in the mess of tomato sauce. He wouldn't trust his leg with that on a good day.

Kyle scouts over, puts Alex's arm around his shoulders, and hoists him up.

“What about−” Alex gestures to the mess, and his own dropped groceries.

“I'll tell a clerk, it's okay. Let's just get you home, alright?”

“'Kay,” Alex murmurs. He doesn't have the brain space to think about it beyond his embarrassment, anyway.

Kyle lets him lean on him all the way to the checkout counter, and quietly explains what happened to the wide-eyed girl sitting behind it. Alex doesn't listen to her answer, his focus still shot. He stares vaguely at a the packs of gum behind her instead.

“Let's go,” Kyle prompts him to move again.

Alex wants to make it out under his own power, or some variation thereof. He takes his arm back, but he stumbles at the first step, and he has to catch himself roughly on the counter. Rather than make a big deal about it, Kyle simply hooks his arm into his, providing discrete support.

Sometimes Alex wants to hate him for how considerate he is. Right now he doesn't even have it in him to be anything but thankful, though.

The store is just two blocks from Alex's house, so he came here on foot, but there's no way he's making it back. His leg aches something fierce, and his steps are uneven, awkward.

Kyle guides him to his car in the parking lot without a comment, and takes the time to make sure Alex is comfortable in the passenger seat before he drives the thirty seconds to his home. There seems to be no end to Alex's shame tonight, and yet Kyle somehow manages to make it as painless as the situation can be−physically and emotionally. He gets Alex into the most comfortable armchair in his living room, pants and prosthesis off, with minimum fuss and as much privacy as possible.

“Thank you,” Alex murmurs when Kyle finally sits down on the couch across from him.

“I can go, if you tell me you're going to be okay,” Kyle says. “But I can also stay.”

Alex bites his lip. No, he doesn't really want to be left alone with his thoughts. “Not the night,” he says. “But maybe for a minute?” He doesn't like how whiny his voice sounds, but he's exhausted. He curls up in the armchair, propping his right leg on the arm rest and tucking his left foot under him.

“Okay,” Kyle nods, though it's almost midnight. Alex feels bad for asking that of him, but he did offer. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There isn't much to talk about,” Alex shrugs. “I'm sorry. I was just...tired.”

Kyle raises his eyebrows. “You're allowed not to talk about it, but please don't downplay it, Alex. This wasn't you being tired.”

“No, you're right. This was me freaking out over what tomato sauce to buy. But mostly, it's been a long day. Long week. Long...everything.”

“Your work?” Kyle asks.

“Not really. Not mostly. I've been, uh, taking on side projects, researching Project Shepard and Caulfield, helping you guys. And...my superiors were on base yesterday. My boss. And my boss's boss. And for about half-an-hour, I thought they were here to arrest me.”

“What?”

“It turns out that it was unrelated, but people are asking questions. Not my team, but I'm just a Captain, I still have to answer to people. And recently, I've had to cover up a shit-ton of things. Things that I could be court-martialed for and spend my life in prison several times over. You know this, you did the same.”

“Well, I'm risking my medical license for sure, maybe being sued by the hospital, but probably not jail,” Kyle says. “I didn't...honestly, I don't think any of us realized what you did for us.”

“For them,” Alex corrects him. “You're an outsider to them as much as I am. Tied up by shitty legacies and unwanted feelings for people who don't want us back.”

“You're right,” Kyle sighs. “I told Liz, before the surgery, I told Liz once that was over, I was done. But we all know it's not true.”

Alex gives him a commiserating smile. “In any case, Michael, Max and Isobel risk much worse just by being alive. I'm okay with doing my part. I have to admit that I started seriously questioning that when I learned that Liz decided to go ahead with the heart transplant when she thought you wouldn't be able to keep Max alive, because I had to pull in a lot of favors to get you that theater. That's when people started asking questions.”

“Wait, she didn't tell you beforehand? I thought she told you, or I would have.”

“I don't know if you've noticed, but Liz tends to get tunnel vision,” Alex shrugs. “Rosa told me.”

“Not Michael?”

“Nah, he was wrapped up in his family. We didn't talk.”

“What's going on with you two, anyway?” Kyle asks. “At Caulfield, you were basically flirting the whole way there, and now he's with Maria?”

Alex swallows. “Our...timelines didn't align,” he says. “My family destroyed his. I can't blame him for keeping me at arm's length.”

“That's bullshit, Alex. You're not your family.”

“And yet I brought so much pain into his life,” he sighs.

“So you're just giving up?”

“He's made it clear over and over that I'm not the one he wants. So yeah, I'm giving up.”

Kyle tilts his head. “There's something you're not telling me.”

Fuck. Either Kyle has become even more observant than he was or Alex is still so rattled that he's letting things through. Probably the second option.

Alex ponders it for a moment. He hasn't talked to anyone about that night. He hasn't seen his therapist in months, not since the nightmares and flashbacks Caulfield brought back up abated, and he doesn't exactly have a host of other friends to discuss things with. It's been a weight on his shoulders that doesn't live, that permeates everything. But then...this is Kyle. Is he really someone Alex want to talk about this with?

Actually, yes, he decides. Kyle has something of a unique perspective.

“We had a threesome,” he mutters. It's even more awkward coming out of his mouth than it is when he thinks the word.

“I'm sorry, what did you just say?” Kyle has his mouth hanging open. He's heard perfectly well.

“Michael, Maria and me,” Alex says. “After, uh, Maria and I went to see this boot maker, and he attacked us, stabbed me and went after Maria. She knocked him out and he's in custody,” Alex add hurriedly when he sees Kyle's expression become murderous.

“He stabbed you,” Kyle states.

“Just a little,” Alex shrugs. It's healed just fine, it will probably barely scar. “I'm fine.”

“You got stabbed, and instead of, I don't know, calling me, you had sex with your ex and your best friend. Your female best friend.”

“She initiated it, it's not like we came onto her or anything,” Alex raises his hands.

Kyle blinks. “Yeah, that's not what I'm worried about, Alex.”

“Then what are you worried about?”

Kyle works his jaw several times, trying to find his words. “Let's put it like this. Why are you telling me about it?”

“I...don't know,” Alex shrugs. It weights on his mind, and it needs to get out.

“How did it feel?”

Alex swallows. “Not great. I didn't...I didn't enjoy it. I thought−” he trails off.

“What did you think?” Kyle prompts him.

“We were coming off an adrenaline rush, and being with other people, with them, it felt...safe. I didn't want to leave. When Maria started to−I thought I wanted Michael enough that it would be okay, that I could handle it.”

“'Handle it',” Kyle repeats. “Alex, are you even hearing yourself right now? What would you say if one of your partners said they could 'handle' sex with you?”

“I'd back off right away,” Alex sighs. “But it wasn't like that, we were all consenting.”

“You'd just been attacked. You were injured. I'm assuming you'd been on your leg for a long time. Am I getting the right picture here?”

Alex shrugs. He can't deny it, but it doesn't feel right. Maria and Michael didn't make him have sex with them, he did it of his own free will. Sure, he should have left, but he hasn't been known for making the best decisions for himself, right?

His hands are shaking again.

“I could have left,” he says, his voice trembling. “I didn't want to, but I should have.”

“Okay,” Kyle says, physically backing off. “Don't spiral out again, it's okay.”

“I tried to go on a date, today,” Alex says after a few deep breaths.

“What happened?”

“Nothing. The guy is great. I just...he tried to kiss me, and I couldn't.”

Kyle frowns. “Why−oh, in public?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he know about your father?”

“No,” Alex shrugs. “Does it matter? We all have our bad coming out stories.”

“Your father is a little more than that, Alex,” Kyle raises an eyebrow, like Alex doesn't know that.

“It doesn't change anything. He's not ready to date someone who's not out and proud.”

“Except you are, Alex. You are out and proud. And honestly, with what you've been through, it's amazing how open you are. So maybe you don't wear glitter or dye your hair blue−”

Alex snickers.

“What?”

“Forrest has blue hair,” he says.

“The guy?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Well, my point stands. You're not in the closet, you just have baggage. Heavy baggage, maybe, but it's not the same.”

Alex tilts his head. Kyle is not wrong, even if he hadn't thought of it that way.

“You think I'd look good in glitter?” he asks, because he needs to stop getting in too deep with his emotions.

“Alex, you'd look good in sack. Glitter, rainbows, crazy hair colors? You'd definitely pull them off. Green would look good on you. Or purple.”

“I think I'll stick to black, thank you,” Alex laughs. “But maybe I'll think of getting my ears pierced again. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You suddenly seem to be awfully interested in queer fashion.”

Kyle actually blushes. “Um, I...I might have taken to hanging out at Planet 7,” he mumbles.

“You?” Alex asks in shock.

“I wanted to get away from Liz. And anything alien. Actually aliens, I mean. Not that it worked.”

Alex frowns. “Michael was there?”

“No,” Kyle shakes his head. “Not him. Fuck, I shouldn't have told you that.”

It takes Alex a few moments to catch up. “It can't be Max, so...Isobel? Really?”

“I didn't mean to...out her or anything.”

“It's okay, I'm not going to go shout it from the rooftops,” Alex says, because Kyle really looks worried. “Though you should definitely be careful who you tell.”

“I will.”

“What about you?” Alex asks.

“What?”

“Are you trying to tell me you're not as straight as you thought?”

Kyle hides his face in his hands. “I don't know, maybe? I don't...I'm really not sure. I never thought about men that way, but when I see the couples there, or the people who hook up...I don't know.”

“It's okay,” Alex smiles. “It's okay not to know. You don't need to have a word that fits right away.”

“Thanks,” Kyle nods.

“Anytime.”

“I was so horrible to you in high school, this would be a perfect opportunity for payback. Just goes to show what a good man you are.”

All the levity that this conversation has brought Alex goes right down the gutter, leaving him ice cold. “I'm not a good man,” he says through gritted teeth.

“You are. You're a good friend, Alex. A good person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Alex sighs and lets it go. It's not a conversation for one in the morning. “You should go home,” he says.

“Are you sure you'll be okay?”

Alex stands up slowly, wishing he had his second crutch for the trip over to his bedroom. “Look, I'll call my therapist, okay? I promise.”

“You do that,” Kyle says, standing up as well. Then, before Alex can completely process it, he opens his arms and closes them around him, careful not to make him lose his balance. Alex stiffens, unused to the contact, but it feels good. Safe. He relaxes slowly, bit by bit, and awkwardly pats Kyle's back with his free hand. “We'll grab a beer sometime this week, okay?”

“Sure,” Alex nods in Kyle's shoulder. “Would be nice.”

“I'll text you tomorrow.”

Kyle lets him go and fishes out his keys from his pocket, turning to leave.

“Hey, Kyle?” Alex calls after him quietly.

“Yes?”

“Thank you for tonight.”

“You're very welcome,” Kyle smiles sweetly.

Despite his exhaustion, Alex doesn't fall asleep for hours, and when it does, it's to restless slumber, full of vague nightmares. He drags himself out of bed at nine, two hours past his usual wake-up time, and spends the morning trying to force his aching body into submission with a mix of PT exercises and yoga, that turns too easily into a punishment. A hundred push-ups, for being so weak. The voice in his head is his father's.

As he stares at his counter come eleven, an hour before Maria is supposed to be there, he remembers something. He still doesn't have tomato sauce. Or pasta, for that matter, since he never got to pay for his groceries last night.

“Fuck this,” he murmurs to himself, almost smirking at the joke that is his life. There is nothing he wants less than to spend the day with Maria. He doesn't have anything to cook her, and the Crashdown is closed on Sundays.

No. He's not going to do this.

He eyes his phone, thinking of coming up with some bullshit excuse to Maria. He can think of a dozen that would work well enough off the top of his head, though she's sure to give him hell for it later. At the thought of even seeing her later, Alex grimaces.

No. He sticks his phone in his back pocket and grabs his wallet, his keys and his crutch.

Right before he leaves, on a whim, he grabs a pen and a pad of sticky notes and writes SORRY. HAD SOMETHING TO DO. in capital letters. He sticks the note on his front door and sets the alarm.

Maybe this is his breaking point.

Forrest looks truly surprised when Alex shows up on his doorstep. He had to look up the actual address, since Forrest doesn't actually live in the barn where they met, and the Longs have several properties in the same area. He wouldn't want to knock on an random door and run into Wyatt.

“Hi,” Alex says.

“Is that voice in your head already gone?” Forrest asks.

“Not exactly. I just...thought you should hold all the cards.”

Forrest stares at him for a moment, thinking. “Alright,” he says. “Come in, then.”

The house is really more of a cabin, small and wooden all around. The inside is very different from Jim Valenti's cabin, though, and it screams Forrest. It seems this man really is what he shows to the outside, an open book.

The opposite of Alex, in a way.

“Sit down,” Forrest says. “I was just making coffee, you want some?”

“Sure. Black, please.”

Alex sits down on a comfortable couch covered with a patterned comforter while Forrest pours them both mugs in the tiny kitchen area.

“So, what did you want to say?”

Alex takes a deep inspiration. Despite his coming here being a heat of the moment thing, he's tried to practice his words in his car. He's not good with words, but it all comes down to what Kyle said last night.

“You asked me about my PTSD triggers, yesterday,” he says.

“Yes,” Forrest agrees carefully.

“You know, the funny thing is that no one's ever asked me that before. Beside my therapist, I mean. Most of my friends don't know I have PTSD, and the one who does usually doesn't need to ask.”

“Alien guy?” Forrest asks curiously.

“No. My relationship with Michael is more complicated. He has his own issues.”

“Okay. So you want to tell me about your triggers?”

“How they relate to what we talked about,” Alex says. “Being closeted. It's not that I don't want to come out. Sure, I wasn't out in the Air Force during DADT and that was hell, but here...I haven't been in the closet in this town since early high school. Everyone who knows me here knows I'm gay, and I'm fine with that.”

“Then what is it?” Forrest asks.

Alex bites his lip, then takes the plunge. “The last time I really pissed off a homophobe, it didn't end well for the guy I was with.”

“What do you mean? Did you get assaulted?”

“Yeah, you could say that. He went at my...boyfriend's hand with a hammer.”

Forrest covers his mouth with his hand in shock.

“I was seventeen,” Alex continues. “It was my father.”

“Fuck, Alex, I−”

Alex waves it off. “Don't apologize. I just...I wanted you to know. I'm not in the closet. But ever since that day, I haven't been able to be with someone and feel completely safe.”

“Of course,” Forrest murmurs. “Was your father generally abusive? Or did he snap?”

“He didn't start hitting me until he figured out I was gay, but he basically raised us−me and my brothers−as if we were in basic training,” Alex says. “After the...accident, he made me enlist, and I didn't come back to Roswell until a few months ago.”

“That's, wow, that's a lot. I thought my family was bad.”

“There's no comparison to make,” Alex shrugs. “You're brave enough to be proud of who you are in spite of them. I...I'm trying to get there. But it's hard.”

“I get that,” Forrest nods. “I understand it better now. Something didn't quite make sense about you.”

Alex thinks of Michael, of aliens and the secret lab and his classified work. He thinks of his father in the hospital, and being unable to just let him fall. He thinks of last night in the supermarket. “I don't make a lot of sense,” he says. “Which is why I completely get that you don't want to try something with me. I just wanted you to know.”

Forrest pauses and looks him up and down. “You know, maybe...I've put my standards very high, because I've been burned too many times, but so far you met everyone of them easily, except for this one. Maybe it's unrealistic. Maybe I shouldn't let you go, just because you're not quite ready to kiss me in public.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I like you Alex. I really like you, and I'm guessing the fact that you came all the way out here means you feel the same. So maybe those standards were just me closing myself off from opportunities. Maybe I should give this a chance.”

Alex smiles.

#roswell new mexico #alex manes #kyle valenti #forest long #forlex #2x08 coda #anti malexa #trying to tag appropriately #tell me if i miss something #rnm s2 #rnm fanfiction #mine #echo's fanfiction

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the-innefable-idiot · 5 years ago

Text

You’ve made your choice, my love

Hello yall!

This is my first fic EVER posted and I am quite excited!!!

Since this is my first time doing this, I am still lost on technicalities, but I am learning. This fic is almost 1.8k words and I am SO PROUD huisadhdsuisda

Here is the AO3 link. Since I am used to ONLY read stories there, I still don't know what I am doing, so please HLEP.

Also, bear in mind English is not my first language and I didn’t beta it, so every feedback is welcome. I am talking not only plot and characterization, but also grammar and punctuation.

I have a 3k fic on the way, it just needs some tweaks here and there. It has a polyamory take on the Forrest/Alex/Michael dynamics from another fic by @spaceskam.

This fic in particular was the following prompt by @tookmetwice: “Guerin sees Forrest coming out of Alex’s house and Alex kissing him goodbye. The ensuing conversation where Alex tells Guerin to fuck off and that he’s no longer his fucking doormat.”

Please, enjoy!

-------

You’ve made your choice, my love

Alex woke up to a light snoring by his side. This time Forrest was the big spoon and Alex felt good, safe. He tried to get out of bed without waking up the historian, but military men shared the trait of light sleep.

"Good morning." Forrest said lazily while stretching. "What are the plans for today, captain?"

"First and foremost, take a shower. Every time you convince me to stay in bed after sex and everytime I regret later when we get all sticky and gross." Alex said while reaching for his crutches. Forrest grabbed him by his hips and tried to bring him back to bed. "Then we’ll have a nice breakfast you will cook, by the way, and then you’ll go to the library to continue your research while I go do my secret Mr. Robot stuff at the base."

Forrest went for a kiss, but ended up kissing Alex hair as he turned his head. Alex stood up and went to the bathroom, but came back a few seconds later with a fake exasperation.

"You can come, but let it be known I’m doing this only to save water."

Both men tried their hardest to keep the act, but Alex couldn't stop laughing when Forrest tried to fling himself out of bed and ended up falling on the floor, his feet tangled on the covers. Once back on his feet, the historian followed the man to the shower.

-------

After going through their morning plans, Forrest was ready to leave. He was by the door when Alex pulled him to a passionate kiss. They were in what was considering "the honeymoon phase" and Alex was discovering the wonderful world of public display of affection. Lately he has been the one initiating the platonic touches in public, experimenting his limits in many different places and scenarios. If Alex kept going like this, they would be snuggling in The Wild Pony in no time.

Even though Alex was the one pushing Forrest to go to the library, he was also the one holding him at the door with kisses that made Forrest's legs feel like jello.

"Text me when you are done in the library. I really really want to drink a milkshake." Alex said fondly, their faces not too far from each other, while his fingers were running through the blue hair, taking them away from Forrest's eyes.

"Yes, captain.” Forrest said smiling, channeling all the energy he had to get out of the sweet embrace Alex had him in. God, he could stay like that till the end of time. “Love you, captain." He whispered before leaving. Forrest heard the other man shout a "love you too, dork" as he entered his car. When he turned it on, he heard a loud noise coming from nowhere in specific. Someone must've broken something heavy made out of glass somewhere nearby.

As Forrest turned the car and got out of sight, Alex face changed. His smile and relaxed demeanor turned into a stiff posture. He knew the glass, wherever it was, didn't shatter naturally. He knew the source for it before even seeing him walking by. He was way too familiar with the light curls, the cowboy swag and the smell of rain that came after shattered glass.

"A Manes man being all lovey-dovey with a Long." Michael had a bitterness in his voice that just made Alex fell so tired. "I must wonder what circle of hell I am in."

"Damn it Guerin, why do you make this so hard? I thought we were getting better at the whole 'sup bro' thing"

"You do know what the Longs did to Liz' family, right?"

"Oh yeah Guerin, because the main take away from our lives is that bloodlines define who we are entirely. Not a chance to be different. Sure, congratulations for you. Do you want a fucking gold star?"

Michael was taken aback by Alex' outburst. He was so focused on his own frustrations that he didn't think Alex would return the sentiment.

"I’m just sayin’ it’s pretty convenient he showed up around the same time as your father. I didn't think you were the type that fell for the first hot piece of ass that crossed your way." Michael knew it was a low blow. He didn't want to admit he was doing it on purpose, a petty act of self-destruction, really.

"Guerin, are you mad because I'm dating a Long or because I am finally falling in love with someone that isn't you?" The silence was deafening, and it was all Alex needed. "That's what I thought."

"Don’t blame me for this, Alex. What we had was good, fucking cosmic, and you kept running away."

"And yet the first time I am willing to change, the one time I go after you to give us a chance, you leave me behind and choose another person the next day."

"How could've I known you were willing to change? I was so used to you leaving that I couldn't believe you."

"I told you things that night I never told anyone by then. You know how hard it was for me admitting those things." Alex sighed, running his hand through his hair. He was getting louder, so he focused to soften his voice for his next words, which he would maintain for the rest of the conversation "I know Max was in danger that night. I mean, he fucking died and that scarred you. I get it. But you told me to come back the next day and I did. And I waited. And waited. And waited while you were with Maria. You made your choice."

"I..."

"Shut up, Guerin. After that day you made sure I knew who you had chosen. You chose Maria over and over and over again, and I never complained. It hurt, but I tried my best to support you both. That means being a fucking adult."

"I never looked away, Alex."

"Yes, Guerin, you never looked away, but you also never went after me. You never chose me the same way you choose her. I never got to say goodbye the first time I left because you chose to be in jail." Alex was letting out all the resentment, hidden for years, locked in a deep place that he never dared to open. Until now. "You... knew you had the power to change my mind, you knew that we could come up with a plan to run away together."

Alex sighed, all the frustration now turning into exhaustion.

"I wanted to tell you I was leaving to escape my family, not you. That in a year or so I’d be back, luckily with a good salary, and that we could get the hell out of here. I was going to beg for you to stay put for me, but you chose to be locked up instead."

Tears threatened to fall, but Michael was determined not to cry. He knew what Alex was talking about, pillow talk back then consisted on fantasizing what was just said, but Michael was a coward and always chose the easier path. Now he sees he's been paying the price for it.

"You loved me and I loved you, Michael. Hell, I think this conversation only proves we still love each other. But what I am discovering with Forrest is that sometimes love is not enough. A relationship requires tenderness, respect, vulnerability. We never had the chance for this. We were drowning in trauma after trauma and we couldn't handle it back then."

Michael dropped his shoulder, suddenly feeling the weight of everything he has ever done. Alex managed to put into words what was going on between them both since the beginning, and Michael hated it, because they were true.

"Guerin, we were cosmic the same way black holes consume the light out of the stars around it. It wasn't healthy. It still isn't. And I won't accept your jealous outbursts because I am choosing someone that isn't you. Of all people, you won't be the person that makes me feel guilty for being with Forrest. I won’t allow you to do this. Why can't you just be happy for me?"

What hurt the most for Michael wasn't the words coming out of Alex' mouth, but the way he was saying them. Alex wasn't angry, wasn't throwing things around or screaming at him. He was just tired. He was saying those things not to vengefully hurt Michael, but to confess something he has been carrying around for years, his voice was flat, almost emotionless. Michael would take a thousand a rage outbursts instead of this… emptiness.

"I don't want to lose you, Guerin, but I think we need to take a step back. Maybe you were right, and we are not ready to leave the tortured lust phase. You don't need to come in person here, just text me and I will answer you as soon as possible." Alex turned to close his door, but hesitated, pondering for a few moments what he was going to say next. "Once you accept I chose someone else, we can start socializing again. Just… get your shit together and we may try again the 'sup bro' stage, Michael."

And with that Alex closed the door, leaving Michael with his own thoughts.

He doesn't quite remember getting in the truck and leaving Alex' house. He was supposed to meet Maria and Kyle for something, but apparently he sent them a text message saying he wouldn’t show up. He remembers driving to the middle of the desert and screaming until he lost his voice. He could feel losing control of his powers, the ground shaking and rocks violently flying around. He doesn't remember driving back to the airstream and collapsing on his tiny bed. He noticed his throat hurt moments before losing conscious, but he didn’t do anything about it, the pain was almost welcome. He woke up 20 hours later with a worried Isobel invading the place to see if he wasn't dead.

This problem has always been in the back of his mind, but now Alex brought it up to the surface and now Michael has no other option but to face it. Maybe he made the wrong choice the day Alex left for the military when they were teenagers. Maybe he made the wrong choice when he didn’t fight for Alex when he came back to Roswell a decade later. Maybe he made the wrong choice the day after his brother died. And now he has to confront the consequences alone.

The end

-------

Hope yall enjoyed!

#forlex #malex #but angst #imma put all the tags i can think of #because tumblrs tagging system is a mess #michael guerin #alex manes #forrest long #this is pretty much that gif from Captain Holt screaming VINDICATION to the arch balloon #roswell new mexico #rnm #roswell nm #fanfiction #ao3

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hichristinagi · 4 years ago

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My first Malex fic!!Hope you enjoy it!😃I would be glad to hear your opinion!

(The reunion!!!😍)

Their Forever

-Hey,the door opened and it was Michael.

-Hey,Alex answered smiling.

-May I?

-Yes,of course!

Alex stepped aside in order for Michael to come in his house.

-I didn’t expect you...,Alex began.

-No?, Michael questioned with a small smirk.

-...

-I thought we both waited for this conversation for long enough now.

-Ah..so,it is time?

-Yeah,I think it is.

-Water?

-Yes,please.

When Alex came back with a glass of water,he sat opposite Michael.They remained staring at each other and all around at the same time until Michael broke the silence.

-The song...you sang that night...you meant it?

-Yes.Every word.

-If I was asking you to sing it right now,would you still meant every word?

-Every word.

-I love you,too.I always did.

-I know.

-I tried not to.When you left 11 years ago,I tried to forget you,to hate you.I was so angry,Alex...so angry.You left me.

-I am sorry.Truly sorry.I made a terrible mistake.I have regretted it.

-I know.

-I have regretted leaving you.

-I have regretted letting you leave.

Silence...Then it was Alex making the start this time.

-Did you ever forgive me?

-Yes.The moment I saw you at the reunion.I forgave everything...I just wanted you.All of you.Just mine.

-And then I “left" again.

-And then you “left” again.

-And then you “left" having every right..

-Yes.I was right.But I made terrible mistakes...my turn I guess.

-Maria wasn’t a mistake.Not because she is my best friend.Okay,surely you could have chosen every other girl in Roswell,it would have hurt less...but,yet,I love you both.

-I know.But...I shouldn’t have done it.Not to you.

-You should.Besides,Maria is an easy person to love.

-I loved you many years before her.I hurt you.I know I did.

-Yeah...

-I am sorry.

-You are forgiven.

Silence again.A lot of silence and not a single word until Michael said:

-I am sorry about Forrest.That he left.I never said that to you.

-Thanks.It’s okay,tho.It was to happen.The opportunity he got was huge but I didn’t want to leave Roswell...And we knew that a distant relationship was not about to work..so..we did the best.After all...he wasn’t my forever,was he?

-Right.Are you ready for your forever,Alex?

-Yes.And you?

-Now,yes.Absolutely.

-So...we meet in the middle?

-So we meet in the middle.

And they looked at each other with such a confidence.Because they knew.They were about to start they story all over again,ready for each other,ready for their forever.

-I suppose this is the moment you kiss me,Michael teased.

-I suppose this is the moment we both stand up,meet in the middle and kiss,Alex said,smiling.

-Done.

And they both stood up,met in the middle and kissed gently in the begging,fiercely as it went.

The time had passed and they were in the bed,resting after their first time after a long time...Michael had his head on Alex’s chest,listening to his heart rate.He loved the way Alex’s hand was among his curls...He loved that moments earlier he had said Alex’s name withou fearing to be listened.From now on,he would be free to repeat Alex’s name again and again and again without fearing that other hands were touching him.

-I love you,Alex said suddenly without moving.

-I love you,too.

After a while,Michael stood to his elbows and placed a small kiss in Alex’s lips.

-This is our forever.

And indeed,that was the first night of their forever.

#roswell new mexico #tyler blackburn #alexmanes #malex #michaelvlamis #roswellnewmexico #roswellnm #alex manes #falex #forlex #missingalexmanes #miluca #michael vlamis #michael guerin #malex fanfiction #malex au #alexmanesappreciation

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manesalex · 5 years ago

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Forest finds out about aliens and doesn’t respond how Alex expects him to.

Unbeta’d because I wanted this up asap. And, obviously, I don’t know anything about who Forest is. For this, he’s just an OC who appreciates Alex the way I’d like to see him appreciated.

This is for anyone who needs some love and support after the past few days.

***

Forest just stares at Alex, trying to make sense of what he’s said, trying to figure out how the most level-headed person he’s ever dated could possibly be confirming what he’s already found on his own. Aliens are real, Alex’s father locked a bunch of them up and experimented on them, and, oh, yeah, Alex’s ex is one.

“So, that,” he gestures at Alex’s side where he knows a bandage is hiding under his clothes, “Was caused by something alien?”

Alex just nods. Almost carefully. Like he’s afraid of how Forest will respond. He’s curling in on himself on the couch, hands retreating into his sweatshirt. He looks like he’s preparing for a blow. Like he’s expecting one.

He takes another minute, piecing it all together and then, finally, he shrugs. “That’s kinda hot.”

Alex looks up at him, eyes wide. Looking at Forest like he’s grown another head.

“Not the things your dad has done or the aliens,” he waves that aside. “But… I already knew that you’re a soldier. Knew that you’re a badass. But you’re also kind of like a spy, taking down people who are out to commit genocide, even though those genocidal fucks are related to you?” Forest pauses, “Yeah, that’s hot.” When he sees the confusion on Alex’s face, he heads toward a more serious response, though he’s definitely not lying about it. He’s always had a thing for a rebel with a cause, and Alex is most definitely one of those, mixed, maybe, with a bit of James Bond…

Forest refocuses, “Alex, your father is a monster. And you could be on the other side of the planet right now. You could be on a beach somewhere, drinking mai tais with some gorgeous model with an eight pack. But you saw someone doing something unspeakable and… You didn’t ignore it. You didn’t walk away. You’re doing what you can to stop it. Anyone who doesn’t see that…” He shakes his head.

“You don’t have a problem with all of this?” Alex asks. “My father is a monster. That’s where I come from.”

“Where you came from and what your father did isn’t who you are.” He wonders who in Alex’s life made him think that he was responsible for the sins of his father. Who made Alex think he had to right all those wrongs to be worthy. He pauses before saying, “I like you, Alex. For who you are. And, if I can help you in this, you should let me know.”

“I’ll do that,” Alex promises. Forest doubts he will, is pretty sure Alex will try to handle all of it on his own if he can, but he chooses to accept it. He’s put it out there. It’s up to Alex if he wants his help.

Right now, his boyfriend is injured and sad and Forest can do something about a whole one of those things. “So,” he smiles, leaning back on the couch. “How about I order us some pizza and we watch Queer Eye?”

The look of relief on Alex’s face is easily the best thing Forest has seen all day. “Only if you make sure Buffy doesn’t get any this time. You know it’s not good for her,” Alex says, tone lighter than it’s been since Forest arrived.

“I won’t make any promises,” he grins, leaning in for a kiss, so happy when Alex’s fingers make their way into his hair, pulling him closer. Yeah, he knows how lucky he is to have found someone like Alex Manes. And, no matter how long it lasts, he’s not taking a second of this for granted.

***

I learned long ago that the best response to people (intentionally or not) making people feel bad about what they ship is to write smut about that ship (as long as I’m comfortable doing so). Since the Alex fandom has so many ace people in it, I figured this would probably be a better response for all of you. I may not ship it, but I hope you know you’re welcome here if you do. I consider this a big, warm hug for everyone who is hurting due to what some of the louder voices in the fandom have said, and I hope that’s what this is for you. And maybe I’ll write some smut for some of you later. ;)

#roswell fic #forlex fic #roswell new mexico #alex manes #actual cinnamon roll #protect him at all costs #forest #alex x forest #alex x forrest #alex x oc #fanfiction #*myfic #fluff

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stayextrafrosty · 4 years ago

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I am Your Future, I am Your Past: Chapter 7

A Roswell New Mexico soulmate AU

Note: This chapter is very Alex and Forlex heavy but I promise it’ll be worth it in the coming chapters

Read on AO3 // Chapter 1

Alex stared at the phone after the line went dead. He felt the sudden stab of pain in his chest. Something was clearly wrong, but he couldn’t just ditch out on Forrest. If there was something life threatening Michael would have said so.

“Everything alright,” Forrest asked? Alex looked at the black screen for another moment.

“Yea. Nothing I can’t figure out later.” He smiled. Forrest hesitated but then grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the doors of the building.

Alex had pointed out that with their combined knowledge from being in the military, an escape room might not be as hard as intended. Forrest insisted that was why they were going at it alone and not with another group. He had rolled his eyes and agreed. Never having done something like this before, he guessed it would be fun just by Forrest’s excitement alone.

“Alright. The rules are simple. You have one hour to make it out of the room. There is no reason to break anything as everything is accessible through clues. Make sure to check everything closely. Feel free to pick up props and move them around. Things such as wiring are marked off with tape, please don’t tamper with it. You will be entering the Area 51 bunker. You wake up after being knocked out in a cell with no windows. Good luck!” The guide led them down the hall and opened a door. She smiled as they stepped inside. She handed a walkie-talkie to Alex. “If you’re really stuck you can ask for a hint. But only three times.”

They stepped into the room, looking around at the walls that had been covered by what looked like the inside of a freight car. Various slogans were spray painted in big red and green letters. ‘We’re not alone!’ ‘They lied!’

Alex laughed at all of it. A mannequin dressed in a marine’s uniform stood motionless in the corner, wrists and legs bound to the wall by chains. He shuddered. If only they knew how real that situation could be. The door clicked shut behind them and the lock thunked closed ominously.

“I never quite understood why these things are horror themed,” Forrest said, looking around.

“Well, why else would someone be locked in a room?” He nodded in agreement.

“I suppose you’re right. Ok. I’ll check the bed, you look though that guys pockets,” Forrest instructed. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be looking for, but he listened anyway.

Walking up to the marine, he noticed it was way bigger than he thought. Alex wasn’t even short but this thing towered over him. He looked around on the outside first, feeling for dog tags or pins. Not that there would be any. His first instinct would always be to identify a body in uniform.

“I found a magnet hidden in the pillowcase. What’d you get?” Forrest stepped up next to him as he located the chain for the tags. Alex pulled them out only instead of the tags, it was a key. The chain had been modified with a clasp to make getting it off easier.

“Any idea where this goes to,” he asked, looking at Forrest.

“You know, for an air force captain you really aren’t observant, are you?” Forrest laughed. There was no malice in his words. “There’s a locked box right here,” he said, grabbing Alex’s hand gently.

He felt stupid. Even if Forrest was just poking fun at him, he should have taken in his surroundings better. Just like he should have at his house. Just like he should have at the barn a week ago. He jumped when Forrest shook him.

“Alex? Are you ok? I said your name a couple times.” He looked anywhere but at Forrest.

“Sorry. Just spaced. Where’s the box?” He pushed past him and crouched down. The lock seemed old, but it could have just been decorated like that. None of this was real.

“Is this triggering something? You can talk to me about the PTSD you know.” He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He sighed.

“It’s not PTSD. My triggers are a bit more specific.” He looked over his shoulder and up at him. He gave a small smile. He should be trying to enjoy himself. “Thank you though. Now let’s figure this thing out.”

Alex popped the lock open, pulling out an old satellite phone and folded piece of paper. The phone had no batteries in it. Alex turned it over a couple times to look for writing but there was none. He handed it to Forrest before unfolding the piece of paper.

“555 444 4 44 8 7777 666 88 8,” he read out loud. It was so simple yet he couldn’t place what it was referencing. Maybe he was just overthinking it. He could break into heavily secured data bases in minutes but something designed for the general public was tripping him up? He stood to show the note to Forrest. He hardly glanced at it before realization spread over his face.

“You know, you get a little line in between your eyebrows when you’re thinking too hard,” he teased. He reached up, rubbing his thumb over the area on his forehead, forcing Alex to relax. “Think like a normal person instead of an elite hacker,” he suggested, handing the piece of paper back to him.

Alex took a breath and looked again. The sequence of numbers was familiar but not like it was recent. Like it was accessing years old knowledge he had tucked away, not knowing if it would ever be useful again.

“Here. Look,” Forrest said, handing him the phone again.

The numbers had corresponding letters. Years old memories of his first cell phone came rushing back. Hitting numbers one too many times and needing to go through the whole cycle again to get the letter you wanted. And yet everyone still managed to type out whole paragraphs in under a minute.

“I can’t believe I forgot that,” he said, starting to laugh. Taking a closer look, he corresponded the numbers to their proper letter. “L-I-G-H-T-S-O-U-T. Hit the switch.” Forrest smiled and nodded, stepping toward the door.

The room was dark for a moment, but then lines and lettering started to glow. A few UV lights lit the room. Handprints led the way to a spot in the corner behind the bed. They abruptly disappeared three feet from the other wall, hinting at a door. The two of them headed over and felt around for a latch or grip to open it. Nothing.

“Hey, look.” Forrest was pointing at a grouping of paint made to look like someone focused more attention on that spot. He held the magnet up and moved it around that spot. A latch clicked and the door popped open enough for them to grab the edge. Alex rolled his eyes at the trick, but he had to admit, he was having a good time. They stepped into the next room. It looked like a repurposed dentist office.

There was a large box off to the side and a chair with surgical supplies in the middle. There was also a pile of folders and files. The two of them shared a look and grinned.

“Alright. Seems easy enough,” Alex said, feeling more confident and comfortable than he had in a long time.

“Ok well we both checked that file cabinet and there was no key in there. I’m telling you, it’s rigged.” Alex laughed at Forrest’s frustration. They had gotten stuck in what they think was the last room.

“I told you to make sure you pulled the drawers all the way out,” he said, smiling.

Forrest shook his head and pulled his keys out of his pocket. Alex had teased him earlier when he showed up at his house in a normal SUV. The van was for ‘special operations.’

“Well, regardless of the outcome, I think we made a pretty good team.” Alex felt the heat rise to his face at no fault of the sun. He nodded in agreement and stepped up to the passenger side door.

“As an apology for being bossy once I figured out what was going on, I’ll buy you a drink,” Alex said, pulling the door open. Forrest grinned.

“Looking to spend more time with me? I’ll take that as a good sign. Planet 7?” Alex tried not to stumble over himself at the mention of the local gay bar. It wasn’t official but it was known to attract those from the community.

“Actually, I was thinking The Wild Pony if that’s ok with you?” Forrest shrugged. Didn’t matter to him.

“You’re buying so I can’t complain.” Alex rolled his eyes and hopped in the car.

It’s not that he was opposed to Planet 7, he just wasn’t sure if he could properly hide from people if he knew them. The Wild Pony was a local’s bar. He knew the crowd and could avoid conversations if he needed to.

And maybe Michael will be there to see you with Forrest…

He shook the thought out of his head. Whatever Michael had wanted to say to him earlier, it had nothing to do with Forrest. That little pang of something earlier was just him feeling guilty about shrugging him off. But he had nothing to feel guilty about. He was free to spend his time with whoever he wanted.

The ride was mostly silence. Just enjoying each other’s company was enough. The radio played softly, occasionally fading out and back in. Alex glanced down at Forrest’s free hand on the arm rest between them. No one could see them in here. It would be ok to hold his hand.

He reached across slowly, first resting his hand next to his. They had only held hands briefly in the escape room. They were soft and steady. Gentle even.

He reached his pinky out, brushing against the side of Forrest’s hand. He saw his head turn slightly but he never looked away from the road completely. Alex moved his hand closer. Then he pulled away. But before he could worry that he had done something wrong, he was placing his hand back down, palm up. Encouraging Alex to take it, a gentle smile settled on his face. Alex couldn’t help but smile too as he wove their fingers together.

He ran his thumb over the back of his hand. The smooth skin was nice, but something felt like it was missing. He found himself wishing there were calluses. That his hand was a bit warmer.

Alex hardly noticed when they pulled into The Wild Pony parking lot. He jumped back into reality when Forrest released his hand to get out of the car. He cleared his throat and climbed out himself. He shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked. A brief moment of confusion crossed Forrest’s face but it was replaced with a smile.

They pushed through the doors and Alex immediately looked for Maria. He watched her as she took inventory of the bar before the Saturday night rush. The bar was still mostly empty.

“Go grab a booth, I’m just going to say hi to my friend,” he said. He nodded and headed in the opposite direction. Alex made his way through the tables to the bar. He knocked a couple times to grab her attention. She turned with a fake smile on her face, ready for whatever customer was going to be there. Once she recognized it was him, it changed into something softer. But something still seemed off.

“Well look who it is. The one who doesn’t return my calls when I think I have a lead,” she joked. Alex smiled at her.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a crazy few days.” She nodded understandingly. To be honest, he just didn’t know what to say to her after Michael’s confession in the hospital. “Can you get me two of whatever the special on tap is?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Two?” Alex looked over his shoulder to find Forrest. He watched him, a sweet smile on his face. Didn’t even turn away when he was caught, making Alex blush. “He’s cute. Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she joked, winking. He rolled his eyes and she pulled out two glasses filling them expertly.

“Did you and Michael find anything? He called me earlier today, but I was busy.” Her smile fell, looking more sad. His eyebrows drew together. What had they found that warranted a look like that?

“Well… we didn’t find anything. I left earlier than planned.” Alex reached for her hands as she wrung them together. What was she nervous for?

“What happened, Maria?” She took a breath and tried to paste on a happier face., like whatever she was about to say didn’t bother her.

“Michael and I… We won’t be working together for a bit.” Alex still didn’t understand. Did they have some sort of argument? Michael would probably come apologize to her before the day was out. She must have seen the confusion on her face. “Alex… we broke up.”

Anything he was going to say left his thoughts in a second. What could have possibly happened that would push them to that? They seemed so happy together. And Maria wasn’t one to give up something she loved so easily.

“What happened,” he finally asked? She shook her head and smiled.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you when you’re not in the middle of a date. Now go have fun.” She didn’t give him time to respond before moving to the other end of the bar to ask a day drinker if he wanted another round.

He grabbed the two drinks and headed back to where Forrest was sitting. He set the beer in front of him.

“Sorry about that.” He looked up from his phone, moving the glass closer to him.

“Don’t worry about it. Things looked pretty intense. Everything alright?” Alex wanted to tell him. But he also didn’t want him to get a bad impression of Michael when he didn’t have the full story.

“She and her boyfriend broke up. She wouldn’t really give me details but I’m sure she’ll tell me soon.” Forrest looked over to the bar. He frowned as he watched her.

“Wasn’t she dating Michael? Ran into her a couple times at the hospital.” Damnit. He remembered.

“Yea. But she made it sound like it was a mutual thing. I don’t think they’re on bad terms. I just wish I knew what happened,” he said, taking a sip from the glass.

“Well I’m sure she’ll tell you eventually.” He reached over to rest a hand on his arm comfortingly. He knew he shouldn’t speculate about what happened between them. But something in his chest told him it might have to do with the curse. And by extension, have to do with him.

Michael had paced most of the day since hanging up on Alex. He tried calling Maria, but she never picked up. He needed to do something. Waiting just wasn’t cutting it. He tried triggering more visions by reading that journal front to back.

He didn’t know who those two were. They started as friends and it grew to more. Thomas was forced to present himself as his sister and twin who was often ill. Samuel was a child of the servants. Thomas’ father was a grade-a bastard who needed to control everything. He threatened Samuel’s life more than once. Then it was the Manes family who was supposed to provide the sacrifice for the year. So, the two of them ran away.

“Sounds a lot like the original story,” is what Isabel had said. He was tempted to agree but the original was a princess and a slave. And even if there was the possibility of that being true, he wouldn’t be able to find out. The last entry was the night they ran.

He needed to figure out what Jesse Manes did with those original scrolls. Max refused to let him anywhere near the soldiers that had ambushed them. He said they hadn’t said a word about who they were working for. Michael knew in his gut it was that asshole.

A knock on the wall pulled him from his thoughts. Isabel looked at him sympathetically.

“You’re going to run a hole through the floor if you keep pacing. Instead of overthinking why not do something productive? Give Sanders some extra help at the junkyard. It’ll keep your mind busy.” She stepped toward him to rest a hand on his arm.

“I have to figure this out, Iz. This vision wasn’t like the shared dreams. It felt like a message. This could be what we need to break the curse. I don’t know how yet, but it’s got to be a clue.” He pulled away from her, picking up the journal again, thumbing through it mindlessly. She sighed and took the book from his hands gently.

“Look, I get it. Breaking this curse is the most important thing but you can’t do that if you burn yourself out. Let’s go.” She grabbed him, pulling him out of the study. He knew she was probably right, so he let her pull him along. “We’re going to go get a drink and then you’re going to clean up that bunker for whatever it was you were planning to do down there.”

Michael raised an eyebrow at her. He never told her his and Alex’s plan. Max must have spilled. Damn him. The less people knew what was going on the easier it would be.

“Fine. But let’s avoid The Wild Pony if you don’t mind.” Isabel snorted.

“Please. Even I’m not that cruel.”

He didn’t pay attention to the name of the bar they walked into. It was smaller than the Wild Pony, but Isabel had said it was still considered a local’s bar. At least there wouldn’t be any sort of alien hunting enthusiasts.

The colors all over the place made him feel out of place in this cowboy hat and stained jeans. Where in the world has Isabel dragged him? She sat them down in a booth then waved to the bartender and batted her eyelashes. Michael looked between the two of them.

“You know her,” he asked, surprised?

“We hooked up a few times. Let’s just say she was my, awakening?” Michael nodded in understanding. “She’s really cool and nice but it’s not serious.” Alex was his ‘awakening.’ But he seemed to be a lot harder to shake. There was never any ‘just hooking up’ with him.

The waitress came over holding two colorful drinks. Michael rolled his eyes but he could enjoy something like this. The blue and purple faded into each other. He shot Isabel a look.

“Where exactly are we?”

“You weren’t paying attention? Planet 7. The local LGBT bar.” He hummed in realization. That explained all the colors. He didn’t even want to know what the drink he held in his hand was called. Probably some pun on ‘bisexual.’

“Not that I don’t appreciate the change in scenery, but why here?” A mischievous grin settled on her face. “If you say it’s cause you wanna get laid, I’ll just leave now,” he joked. She rolled her eyes at him.

“While that might be nice, no. It’s not why we’re here.” He took a sip of his drink. Rum. It wasn’t his favorite type of liquor but the drink wasn’t half bad. It was certainly fruity.

“You just gunna sit there and watch me chug this or are you gunna tell me why?” She looked around before leaning close.

“Forrest is a regular here. I figured it you wanted more information on the guy…” Michael groaned. He loved his cousin really, but sometimes she was not the brightest. People don’t normally go around talking about other people to strangers.

“Look Iz, I’d rather not think about him at all.”

“I know Max told you to consider bringing him in on the curse secret. Or at least part of it. You should know who the guy is.” He ran a hand though his hair. She was right, but what could he get from these people that he couldn’t get from a quick google search or from Max?

“I can see you doubting my methods but trust me, you can get interesting stuff from the people in town.” He sighed. Might as well let her do her thing. She was the socialite of the family. He waved his hand, signaling to the rest of the bar.

“Well then where do you suggest we start?” An evil grin settled on her face. What was she--?

“Hey Blair, I have a question!” The bartender from earlier returned to the table. Isabel rested her chin on one hand and played with the straw in her glass with the other. “Have you seen Forrest around recently? My cousin here is kinda into him,” she said sweetly. Michael just about choked on his own drink.

“Iz—”

“He was last here a few days ago. Seemed a bit distracted. At least your cousin has good taste. Even though I don’t like guys, he’s always nice to look at. Really sweet too.” She looked over her shoulder at a group and continued, “James might be able to give you more info. They dated for a while, but it didn’t work out. They’re still friends from what I can tell.”

Michael glared at Isabel. She thanked Blair before casually taking a sip from her drink. So what if Forrest was good looking? Even by lesbian standards. Sure Michael wasn’t blind. Maybe he was always focused on Alex that he never thought about it before.

“People here love romance. Everyone’s always trying to set people up. Just for the drama of it all,” she said, laughing at the look on his face.

“So, why’d you throw me under the bus? Why not just make up a person?” He shook his head at her giddy expression.

“Because then it looks like we’re fishing for information.”

“Ok, but we are,” he pointed out.

“But they don’t have to know that. Let’s go.” She suddenly stood, grabbing his arm again. There really was no stopping her if she was determined. “James!” Isabel called as they walked up to the table. The guy that turned was on the muscular side, probably played some kind of sport.

“What can I do for you,” he asked, smiling?

“Blair said you used to date Forrest Long?” Everything about this screamed ‘bad idea’ to Michael. They shouldn’t be prying into his life like this.

“Yes, but why?” He raised an eyebrow, looking between the two of them. Isabel looped her arm through his, pulling him forward.

“My cousin here has a bit of a crush. He’s kinda shy and every time I try to encourage him, he just gets nervous,” she said, stealing his hat that he was trying to hide behind. The blush on his face was definitely noticeable. He hoped this wasn’t what she did to people who had real crushes.

James chuckled and shook his head before taking a sip of his drink. He turned towards them fully for the first time, a knowing grin on his face.

“That guy has always been popular. He’s really great. Thoughtful, caring, always tips more than twenty percent. He’s supportive and crazy smart. He can take a dumb idea and turn it into the best. Probably one of the best relationships I ever had.” He seemed to be smiling at the memories. Michael shoved his hands in his pockets, pretending to be nervous.

“If it was so great, why’d you break up? If you don’t mind me asking…” James shrugged and shook his head.

“There were too many secrets. The nature of his job just made it hard for him to tell me anything. It just ended up getting in the way of our trust in each other. We’re still friends and I wish him the best.”

“But doesn’t he work for the police? In a place like Roswell how many secrets could there be,” he asked? He laughed a bit.

“The police stuff he does wasn’t the problem. It was the other stuff for the military. But let me make something clear. If you’re really into him, go for it. He’s a great guy. And maybe things have changed. Now I can’t tell you everything about him. That takes the fun out if it.” Isabel let out a small giggle and thanked him. Then she was pulling Michael away and back to their little booth.

She plopped the hat back on his head then crossed her arms, just smirking at him. He would admit that knowing he still did work for the military was helpful. But what exactly was his title? He was a weapons specialist for the police but what else?

“Fine. I’ll admit that some of it was useful. But we still need a google search and whatever information Max can get,” he pointed out, fixing his hat.

“Fine, just dismiss my perfectly executed plan,” she huffed. Michael laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Yea about that… Never do it again,” he said. The grin returned quickly.

“No promises,” she said, winking.

Alex lost track of time again. He and Forrest had sat and talked through the dinner rush, the weekend drinkers and the bar had started to wind down. Everything was just so easy.

“You did what? How did you get away with that? My second in command would have had my ass for sneaking out,” Forrest exclaimed.

“I told you. I became best friends with my second in command. She covered for me a lot when I wanted to meet up with a guy. Now it was only when we had time off, but she was pretty awesome.” Forrest laughed and shook his head.

“Wish I could meet her. She still in the service?” The smile fell from Alex’s face. He didn’t even know if she was still on this planet.

Staring into the amber of his beer, his thoughts drifted. He doubts she died. An angel can’t just die, right? Forrest noticed his shift in mood. He reached across the table to take his hand, rubbing his thumb over it comfortingly.

“She’s uh… missing,” he said quietly.

“I’m sorry. That can be worse than just being gone.” Alex nodded slowly. He squeezed his hand. “Hope makes everything harder. But we need it just to survive.” A tear slipped down Alex’s cheek. He wiped it away quickly.

Forrest gave him a gentle smile and stood, still holding his hand. He moved to stand in front of him. The raised table and seats made them about the same height this way. He looked around the bar then stepped closer.

Forrest pressed a quick gentle kiss to his cheek. His eyes flicked around the bar, panic settling in this gut. No one seemed to be watching but he couldn’t shake the feeling there was.

Alex wanted to kiss him. To accept the comfort he was offering. But every part of his body screamed to run. To not associate with him until it was safe. He didn’t want him to get hurt. What if his father found out? What if…

“Hey. It’s ok,” he said gently. His smile was sad but understanding. “I’ll drive you home.” Alex nodded and pulled out his wallet, tossing a few twenties down. It was probably too much but he didn’t think about it.

He followed Forrest without a word. Even the car ride was mostly silent. What was he supposed to say now? Maybe he should apologize for the way he reacted? Thank him for the thought anyway?

They pulled into his driveway and he shut the car off. They sat there for a moment. Alex picked at his nails. He took a deep breath.

“Forrest, I—"

“You don’t owe me an explanation. I get it. But if you ever want to get out of that closet, you let me know. I’ll walk you to the door.” He smiled and hoped out of the car. Alex knew he shouldn’t let his father or other past experiences get in the way of this.

What happened with Michael was different. He still felt awful about it, but he couldn’t let that hold him back forever. Thinking of Michael made his chest ache. He knew he needed to find him. The dream had told him so. But was he ready to be found?

He shook his head and jumped out of the car. Hurrying to catch up to Forrest. The motion sensor lights clicked on.

“I had a really nice time today,” he said, pulling a key out of his pocket.

“Likewise. I hope we get the chance to do it again.” Forrest smiled and leaned against a pillar. Alex smiled back, pushing the door open. “I’ll see you around, Alex.” He turned and started back to his car.

“Forrest, wait!” He stopped and turned. An eyebrow raised.

Before he could second guess himself, Alex took his face in his hands and pressed his mouth to his. Forrest ran his hands over his arms, pulling him closer. It felt good, like he didn’t have to worry about anything. But a little voice in the back of his head kept him from lingering too long.

He pulled away slowly, breathing heavy. A small smile sat on Forrest’s face, as though he expected nothing less from him.

“I like you. Just give me a little time,” Alex murmured.

“I’ve got nothing but time. I just hope it doesn’t take too long.” Alex chuckled and released him. He watched as he pulled away, flashing his brights in a final goodbye.

The dull ache settled in his chest. He ignored it only until he made it to his bedroom. It slowly become impossible to ignore. Something wasn’t right. Michael was calling for him.

#malex fanfiction #roswell new mexico fic #malex #forlex heavy #alex manes #michael guerin #michael guerin/alex manes #feedback always appreciated #multichapter fic

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bella-monoxide · 5 years ago

Text

Roswell, New Mexico

Okay. I am trying the tried Alex Manes Deep Breathing Method right now Because!

I just had a Geistesblitz, as we say in German, and for the life of me I can‘t recall if it is being used as a loanword in English but bear with me for a second -

You know what I want to read (or, in a world of unrealistic expectations, projected on a TV show -see)?

Kyle AND Forest, trying to win Alex‘ heart!

Or - getting into a friendly rivalry of sorts; maybe just to make a point to the others (Guerin, Maria, Max, Isobel, Liz)..?

Or - betting that the other could never have Alex interested in them romantically?

Or - Alex catching on to their schemes pretty much from the start, clever cookie that he is, but enjoing their attention way too much to let them know..?

Or - all three of them ending up together? And in that case, what on earth would their shipname be?! Kyforlex? Longvalentines? ☺️

#roswell new mexico #kyle valenti #forrest long #alex manes #fanfiction idea #dr mcsexy #blue haired pocket size history nerd #let alex manes be happy 2020 #kylex #forlex

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bella-monoxide · 4 years ago

Note

Great story!

Prompt 1 or 8 of the Angst list for Malex, please.

This is probably not what you wanted, Nonny Mus... but maybe it is? I went with Prompt 1 “I love you! Is that what you want to hear?” Either way, it is suitably ANGSTY and I hope you enjoy it!

TW: self-harm, talk about self-harm (after the cut)

Also available on AO3.

---

“I love you ! Is that what you wanted to hear ?” ANGST

Michael got the call a little after midnight. He’d been down in bunker under the junk yard making diagrams for a project he wanted to start when his phone started buzzing across the worktable. He furrowed his brow and stared at it for a moment, not recognizing the number on the screen and feeling a little leery of any signal that could get to him underground. Normally when he was in the bunker, his phone was for keeping time and no one could get a call through to him. He let the phone go to voicemail before turning back to his drawings. Seconds later it started buzzing again, the same number lighting up the phone’s screen and taunting him. He it go to voicemail. He let it go to voicemail three more times before he finally couldn’t stand it any longer and picked up the phone.

“Whoever you are, it should be pretty obvious I’m not taking any calls ri—” he started, sarcasm being his best and most beloved defense mechanism.

“Michael?! It’s Forrest,” a frantic sounding voice cut him off. Michael paused, looking at his phone in confusion before answering.

“Forrest? Nazi Forrest?” Michael asked, curiosity beating out annoyance. Why was Forrest calling him? He and Alex had been dating for about a month and from what Michael could tell from his brief run-ins with them, things were going well. Was something wrong with Alex?

“Yeah, hey…. I hate to ask this, but uh… can you come over to Alex’s?” Forrest asked, sounding nervous and ready to be told to go to hell. He apparently had no idea how many awkward situations Michael would go through in order to make Alex happy.

“I mean, I guess I can head that way? What’s up? Everything alright over there? Need me to fix a busted pipe or something?” Michael asked, already shutting off the lights in the bunker and cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder as he moves around the room.

“Uh… Look, lemme level with you. I got hear about an hour ago and Alex seemed about three drinks ahead of me. Not like… hammered, but obviously drunk. We were… uhm… anyway, we were messing around and he just like… freaked out on me and locked himself in the bathroom? Now he’s crying and I can hear him saying your name occasionally and honestly, I don’t know what to do?” Forrest sounded almost apologetic that he had to call Michael and admit that they’d been “messing around”.

“What did you do to him? If you hurt him, motherfucker, I will fucking kill you, Michael replied with a steady voice despite being almost blinded by the sudden flush of rage through his system.

“Dude, I would never! No, we weren’t even doing anything interesting yet. We were just making out and he like… broke away and bolted for the bathroom. I thought he was going to vomit or something, but then he was in there for like… a long time and I didn’t hear anything so I went to check on him and that’s when I realized he’d locked the door and he was like… crying or something,” Forrest explained. Michael climbed the ladder as quickly as he could and ran to his truck, throwing himself the cab and throwing the ignition in almost one movement. “Look, are you coming over or what?”

“I’m on my way. Just try to keep him calm if you can. Talk to him through the door,” Michael advised.

“Obviously,” Forrest replied sarcastically. Michael wanted to gut him for the attitude, but instead settled for just hanging up on him. He tossed the phone onto the dash and peeled out of the junkyard and towards Alex’s house. He really hoped it was his house and not the cabin but figured Forrest would have clarified if it had been out of town.

As he drove, Michael tried to think of things he knew would trigger Alex to binge drinking and break down, but he had to admit to himself that he didn’t know of anything off hand. Alex was the controlled one, the one who dealt with his emotions by repressing the hell out of them until they blew up in a volcanic fit all over anyone unlucky enough to be around. This sounded more like Michael’s way of handling the Too Much of his brain and heart, escaping into a false euphoria that numbed the outer world for a while. Maybe this was one of those volcanic fits, maybe he’d be fine with a little sleep and some Pedialyte.

Michael turned into Alex’s driveway ten minutes after hanging up with Forrest (shaving five minutes off his normal drive time by speeding unapologetically in his worry to get to Alex). When he arrived, Forrest met him outside in the driveway looking frazzled. Michael started to blow past him when he felt Forrest catch his arm.

“What!” Michael yelled, yanking his arm out of Forrest’s grasp.

“Michael, wait! Wait! Let’s talk for a moment, I think I figured out what this is,” Forrest called after him, catching Michael’s shirt and slowing him on his way to the front door. Michael rounded on him with a snarl.

“What do you think this is about then, Forrest? What did you do?!” he asked through gritted teeth, summoning every last drop of patience in his body for anything other than Alex. Forrest looked at him with wide eyes, taking half a step back from Michael and dropping his hand.

“I told you, man, I didn’t do anything. I wouldn’t hurt Alex on purpose or force him to do anything he didn’t want to do!” Forrest added quickly, voice rising when Michael opened his mouth to speak. “I think this is about you.”

Michael reared back like he’d been slapped.

“How could I have done anything to Alex? I haven’t even talked to him in like… three weeks? Not since you two… ya know. Started dating or whatever,” Michael said, confusion and shame warring with him. He knew he’d been borderline ghosting Alex since he’d officially begun dating Forrest, but he’d felt like it was the best way to handle the situation. Alex wasn’t going to move on with him around anymore than he did when Alex was present in his life. He hadn’t thought he was being cruel though? And when did Alex not just storm in and demand his attention when he really wanted it?

Forrest was quiet, just watching Michael as he battled internally with his own guilt real or imagined. Finally, he broke through Michael’s spiral.

“So… So Alex and I talked about what his dad did to you back in high school. We also talked about how Alex dealt with his dad’s behavior before you came along and how he still deals with things when the pressure gets to just be… too much. Did… did you know that Alex self-harms?” Forrest asked quietly, eyes mapping over Michael’s features to see if he had known what he’d revealed. Michael hadn’t known. His chest suddenly felt hollow at the idea of Alex hurting himself, of creating physical pain to control emotional pain. He ached because he hadn’t known and Alex had never told him, had hidden that part of himself from Michael.

“I can see that you didn’t. Okay, well, shit. Okay, so that’s out of the bag. Now let me compound that knowledge by telling you that Alex still carries a lot of guilt around what happened with his dad and you. He logically knows it’s not his fault, but you know how it is… when your brain turns on you, you just sometimes can’t turn it off. And apparently today is the um… anniversary?... of that particular day. I kinda feel like this is something he does habitually on this day. I wasn’t even supposed to come over, I surprised him so I wouldn’t have even seen this is I hadn’t… but yeah,” Forrest trailed off. Michael knew he was staring at him, at the ghost-white skin and horror-stricken eyes. He must’ve looked so stupid, but he just couldn’t… couldn’t wrap his mind around what Forrest was telling him. He heard Forrest sigh loudly. “Look man, go in there and talk him down. I’m going to get out of here. Do whatever you have to do, okay? I can’t help him through this, he doesn’t need me.”

Michael watched him walk to the curb and get into his little black sedan. He heard the engine turn over and watched the car drive off down Alex’s road, turning right at the stop sign, and then out of Michael’s sight. He turned and looked at the door to Alex’s house, a few inches ajar, inviting Michael in. He was suddenly cold with fear, terrified he’d make this whole situation worse if he went in there and tried to talk to Alex. He hated Forrest for abandoning Alex, for abandoning them both, to let the Fate’s sort out as they would. He hated himself for thinking he knew every last piece of Alex’s soul and then finding out that he was woefully ignorant of such an important secret. He also hated that Alex hadn’t been the one to share that secret with him, that he’d had to hear it second-hand, and all that that meant. Ten years going on eleven. Ten anniversaries with one possibly being ‘celebrated’ while Michael stood outside pissing himself.

He pushed through the open front door and closed it quietly behind himself. He toed his shoes off in the foyer like he knew Alex liked people to do when visit. He threw his keys, wallet, and phone onto the front door sideboard. He didn’t think he’d be leaving tonight and sleeping with his pockets full was a pet peeve of his. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Michael turned and started towards the back of the house where the bedrooms were. The house boasted one bathroom, but it was well sized for the era of house it was in. Some previous owner must’ve sacrificed a closet to open it up. Michael pushed down on the newly installed lever door handle which stuck halfway down, proving it to still be locked. Cautiously, Michael pressed his ear to the door to see if he could hear anything on the other side. He didn’t know which he wished for, sound or silence. When silence greeted him, he felt like this might be worse.

He concentrated his TK on the door lock mechanism and slipped the lock. Slowly he pushed down the lever handle again and opened the door. He held his breath as the door swung inwards on silent hinges and his eyes tracked over every new inch of the room revealed by the opening barrier. Alex was laying in the bathtub. He still had his clothes on and he looked pale…deathly so. Michael had to clench his jaw against the tightening in his throat and the surge in his stomach. He stepped in and closed the door behind him quietly. Alex didn’t move, didn’t flinch, didn’t seem to breathe. Michael walked over and looked down at him in the tub. He looked almost serene, his hands folded over his stomach, his knees bent and bare. He was laying there in a tank top and boxers. His prosthetic, liner, and jeans were piled against the wall between the toilet and the bathtub. Michael wondered if he could find all the places Alex had hurt himself; if he’d be able to tell the difference between the self-inflicted scars and the ones an unfair life had given to him. With a shaking hand, Michael pressed his fingers to Alex’s neck, intent on finding a pulse, when Alex’s dark eyes flew open and before Michael could blink, he was looking at the closed bathroom door with Alex’s arm around his neck as he held him in a choke hold. It only lasted for a second before he was being let go, his body falling forward as he gasped for air.

“Fuck! Michael what were you thinking sneaking up on me like that?” Alex yelled from behind him, voice echoing oddly on the bathroom walls. He sounded like he was angry like a parent would be angry and a child who’d scared them, covering fear with aggression. Michael coughed and turned his body to see Alex slumped back in the tub, one hand covering his eyes and other gripped tight in agitation. “I could have hurt you!”

“Oh, so you only get to hurt you today, is that it?” Michael replied, surprised by how much anger his voice felt. He’d been so scared a moment ago that the transition to anger startled even him.

“What are you talking about? Why the fuck are you here, Guerin? Where’s Forrest?” Alex asked rapid-fire. His voice was slightly slurred and his pupils seemed impossibly huge.

“Forrest left, but not before calling me to tell me you were locked in here hurting yourself. Apparently, you’ve been hurting yourself for a long time…,” Michael paused, hoping Alex would deny it, but when he stayed quiet, Michael continued. “Why didn’t you tell me, Alex?”

“Why do you care? You walked away. You looked away. It doesn’t matter what I do to myself, it’s none of your business!” Alex growled at him looking angry enough to throw hands.

“Because I love you! Is that what you want to hear? I fucking love you and I don’t like that you’re punishing yourself for something that isn’t even your fault!” Michael snarled back, hitting the cabinet next to him. Alex glared at him silently.

“You’re not the boss of me. You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t feel guilty about. It was my fault we were found in the shed. It was my fault for not stopping my dad from hurting you. It was my fault you had to use a half-functional hand for ten years. I caused that and I feel guilty for it, Guerin and you can’t change my mind about it!” Alex was yelling by the end, tears making his eyes shine in the warm fluorescent glow of the vanity lighting and Michael found him beautiful, even as his the corners of his mouth pulled down and he bared his teeth at him in agony. “This is my penance, Michael. Let me have it.”

Michael watched him, watched his face shatter, and watched his body pull in tight to itself against the side of the bathtub. He could see the barest hint of red smeared between Alex’s knee and calf as he listened to Alex begin to sob. It was such an ugly, raw sound that seemed to be clawing its way from his gut and inflicting as much damage as possible on its way out. It made Michael’s own face hurt, feel hot and flushed, vision blurring as he leaked tears in sympathy.

Awkwardly, Michael stood up and climbed into the bathtub next to Alex. He reached out and grabbed Alex’s shoulders, tipping his body towards Michael’s. Alex pushed him away at first, shaking his head and wiping roughly at his eyes, but when Michael tried again, he allowed it. He allowed Michael to pull him in against his body and wrap his arms around him. Then he clung to Michael. He shoved his face into he soft, almost threadbare cotton of Michael’s shirt and muffled a scream against his stomach. His body shook as he let Michael see what ten, going on eleven, years of bleeding was doing to Alex on the inside and Michael understood for the barest flicker of an instant why cutting might be a preferably way in Alex’s mind to deal with an anniversary of their shared trauma. Michael wouldn’t let him talk about it, tried to ignore it himself, but he’d used his ugly, malformed, half useless hand as his own penance for the same amount of time. He’d mourned losing the thing that hurt him every day because he’d been using it to assuage his own guilt. So he didn’t say anything, he let Alex sob. He let him scream, and clench his fists in Michael’s shirt, and do anything he wanted as long as he let Michael keep holding onto him.

When it quieted down, Alex laying limply on top of Michael’s torso breathing through his mouth because his nose had congested in the outpouring, Michael dared to speak.

“I don’t like that you hurt yourself. I don’t like it at all. But,” he said, giving Alex a look to keep him quiet while he finished, “but I understand it. I get the necessity in your mind for it. I just wish it hadn’t been necessary for you to find a way to let yourself feel things and control the output of those feelings. I wish the hurt you’ve lived through had never been so big you had to let it out a little at a time.”

They stayed like that for some time, until Alex's nose cleared and his breathing slowed until Michael was sure he’d fallen asleep. When he thought Alex was asleep for real, his weight heavy and loose against him, Michael let himself break down. He looked at Alex and thought of all the broken pieces of themselves they’d displayed over the years and wondered how he’d missed this one. How did he never notice? He strained to keep his muscles from shaking too hard and his breathing from coming out too loudly. He didn’t want Alex to add this to his own mountain of guilt. He watched a few tears darken the hair at Alex's crown and imagined a life without Alex in it. It felt unbearable.

A warm hand reached up and wrapped around the back of his neck, fingers squeezing the tense muscles almost like an apology.

“Can we go to bed? We’ll both regret it if we spend the night in here,” Alex asked, turning his head to look up into Michael’s face. His eyes were puffy and red still, but his expression just looked tired. He no longer looked like he was being burned alive and Michael tried to take some comfort in that.

“Yeah, sure,” Michael answered, sniffing loudly and wiping away his tears and snot with the sleeve of his shirt.

Alex moved off of him and Michael thought for a second he wouldn’t be able to stand the lightness it left in his wake. But he could, so he stood and offered a hand to Alex to help him stand.

“Crutches?” Michael asked succinctly as he steadied Alex with his hands.

“Carry me?” Alex requested softly, sounding shy as he gauged Michael’s reaction. Michael gave him a reassuring smile before bending to place his arm behind his knee and the other behind his back. When he felt Alex’s arms look around his neck he swung Alex’s body up and held it firmly against his own. Alex wasn’t a waif by any means, but Michael hauled car parts around for a living, so he wasn’t a burden either. He stepped out of the tub and he made his way to the bedroom. The sheets were messed up, pushed to the side that no one slept on and a small warm feeling of relief came over Michael when he realized he’d been looking for signs of Forrest. He gently deposited Alex next to the bed and noticed half dried blood on his arm. Michael checked the back of Alex’s leg and saw the small red line above his knee.

“Lay on the bed on your stomach and I’ll go get some antiseptic and a band aid for your leg,” Michael instructed Alex as he moved back towards the bedroom. He heard Alex moving onto the bed as he started rummaging under the cabinet for Alex’s first aid kit. He grabbed it and wet a washcloth in warm water before walking back to the bedroom. Alex had shed his shirt and was laying on his stomach staring into the empty air in front of him. Michael moved to the side of the bed and set the first aid kit on the bedside table. Then he started to clean the smeared, dried and half congealed blood from the back of Alex’s leg. As he did so he noticed thin, white scars next to the new open spot. Five hatch marks beside the new one. When he glanced at Alex’s other leg he saw five more on it, old and faded to practically invisible unless you were looking for them. Michael sucked in a breath, but instead of lashing out as he wanted to do, he clenched his jaw tightly shut and cleaned up the last of the mess on Alex’s skin. He tossed the rag towards the hamper and turned to the first aid kit.

“You know those aren’t all about that night. They’re about my entire childhood. My adulthood so far. And they’re about that night. It’s not just one thing. I was doing this to myself for years before I ever met you,” Alex intoned flatly, eyes meeting Michael’s for only a moment before falling back into staring at nothing ahead of him.

Michael didn’t respond, didn’t know how to respond, so he kept working. He grabbed an alcohol pad and swiped over the cut and then laid a piece of gauze over it, taping the edges securely. The gauze was probably overkill, it wasn’t a terribly deep cut, but he didn’t want it to bleed on Alex’s sheets in the night (and he secretly hoped it wouldn’t scar, wouldn’t turn into another tick to mark the years between them). When he finished he gathered his mess and took the first aid kid back into the bathroom, replacing it where he’d found it. Slowly, with growing trepidation, Michael approached the bed again.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked quietly, watching Alex’s face for his reaction. Alex closed his eyes as if the answer was far back in the recesses of his mind before he nodded and patted the inside of the bed next to him. Michael started to strip.

“I’m still dating Forrest,” Alex said as Michael reached for the button on his jeans. Michael looked at him, saw the regret in his eyes as he looked over the skin Michael had revealed so far. As far as consolation prizes went, it would have to do.

“I understand. But I’d like to not sleep in my jeans?” Michael said, hands still paused by the fly as he waited for Alex’s answer. Alex nodded and shut his eyes again, arms raising to snake under the pillow beneath his head and draw it closer to him. Michael finished stripping down to his boxers and crawled onto the bed next to Alex. He grabbed the covers and pulled it over them both before reaching past Alex’s shoulder to turn off the bedside lamp. He laid on his side facing Alex, trying to will his body to relax, but the adrenaline of the past few hours hadn’t turned into lethargy yet so instead he just tried to stay still and quiet.

“Guerin? Cover me?” Alex asked, turning his head to look at Michael as he did. Michael grabbed the blanket that was already covering mid-way up Alex’s back and pulled it to his shoulders. He saw Alex smile and shake his head minutely. “I mean lay on me a little. I wanna feel anchored tonight.”

“Uhhh… you’re still dating Forrest?” Michael repeated Alex’s earlier pronouncement with confusion obvious in his voice.

“I didn’t ask you to fuck me, I asked you to lay on me. Platonically. Or romantically, but not sexually. Just get over here, jeez,” Alex joked as Michael continued to look slightly confused. But Michael wouldn’t say no to Alex so he scooted closed and threw a leg over the back of Alex’s, his chest covering one of Alex’s arms and shoulder, and their faces resting very close together.

“Just because I’m dating someone else doesn’t mean I don’t love you and it doesn’t mean I don’t need you sometimes,” Alex said softly into the air between them. An invisible hand squeezed Michael’s heart, but it didn’t hurt like the rest of the night. This felt like a good ache like a growing pain.

“Me too, Alex. Good night?” Michael asked, snuggling his body closer as the air cleared between them.

“Good night.”

#malex #forlex #roswell new mexico #fanfiction

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pastelwitchling · 4 years ago

Text

Forrest hadn’t done it on purpose. If anything, thinking back, he was willing to blame Michael Guerin for the whole thing.

It was late afternoon, the wind cold but Forrest’s little rooms on the farm were toasty. Alex had come over to find him cleaning the horses, and with only a smile that left the historian embarrassingly weak in the knees, had grabbed a brush and gone to help. They’d sat down barely for five minutes with their mugs of hot tea to ward off the winter chill when Alex bit his lip, hesitant, and laid his head down on Forrest’s lap.

Forrest could only smile to himself as he brushed a gentle hand through Alex’s soft hair, reveling in the dark locks between his fingers. As Alex drifted off to sleep, a mark of his exhaustion, Forrest’s hand still in his hair, the tension in his shoulders faded.

Forrest thought of the past love in Alex’s life, the one he’d sung about at a bar full of cowboys, the one that sometimes seemed to haunt his memories even during the day, the one he sometimes unwittingly murmured about in his sleep. Forrest had never mentioned it the next morning, as Alex had always looked so ashamed of himself. Because he’d never been able to completely let go.

Forrest knew who it was, who had broken Alex’s heart and left him wondering if he even deserved love at all anymore. He just couldn’t figure out how anyone could do it. As Alex all but purred under his touch, overcome with a look of peace he rarely had, he thought, How could anyone have turned their back on him? On someone so beautiful, so good . . .

That was when he’d gotten the text. Checking first to make sure the notification hadn’t woken Alex, Forrest reached for his phone and read the message.

Guerin. He was asking Forrest if he still had the files Alex had given him to look over. Because Alex had believed that Forrest’s eagerness for history would prove helpful, and Forrest had never wanted to be more useful to anyone before. Michael had been opposed to it from the beginning, but Forrest knew that what he did with the files themselves didn’t matter to the cowboy as much as it bothered him that Alex had wanted him involved.

Regardless, Forrest had taken his notes and set some books aside to study that might’ve correlated with the dates on the files, and if it meant giving Michael one less reason to hate him, it worked fine by him. So he texted back, and said that he would bring by the files tomorrow.

No, Michael had sent back at once, just to be stubborn. I’ll come get them myself.

Forrest tensed. He tried texting Michael that he couldn’t come over, that he was busy, that if someone saw him, they might get the wrong idea. But either Michael had turned his phone off or he was purposely ignoring him because not fifteen minutes later, a knock came at the door.

Forrest flinched. Had Michael already been on his way? He grit his teeth and looked down at Alex, but a true testament to the airman’s rough couple of weeks, he only stirred before cuddling deeper into Forrest’s lap.

Forrest considered not answering, pretending he wasn’t here, but he knew that if he tried that, Michael would just break the door down. And experience had taught him that it was not safe to wake a military captain that way. That, and the fact that Forrest couldn’t remember the last time Alex had slept, forced the historian to make a difficult choice.

The impatient knock came again as Forrest very carefully covered Alex’s exposed ear with his hand, hoping to at least muffle some of the noise and that it would be enough to let him sleep through the whole interaction.

“Come in,” he said, and the door swung open. Forrest was only glad it hadn’t hit the wall.

Michael walked in, a humorless smirk at his lips. “Well, Nazi guy –”

“Shh!” Forrest hissed at once, and Michael’s eyes fell on Alex first. His words cut off. Forrest shifted uncomfortably and grabbed a blanket, pulling it up to Alex’s shoulders to keep him warm from the cold air now drifting in through the wide-open door.

Michael wasn’t moving, wasn’t speaking, wasn’t teasing. His eyes darkened as he took Alex in, curled up and comfortable for what was probably the first time in years. Forrest couldn’t help but feel a little bad for the cowboy as his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, like he desperately wanted to touch, but knew he wasn’t allowed.

To be merciful, and for so many other reasons that felt a little more selfish, Forrest nudged his chin at the small stack of files on the table in the corner.

“They’re right there,” he said quietly. “Just take ‘em.”

But it was as if Michael couldn’t hear him. His eyes were fixed on Alex, lost and confused, as if he couldn’t have imagined Alex ever resting, especially not with his head on someone’s lap. He was an airman, he was trained, he was traumatized. He didn’t trust anyone enough for something like that.

Except that he did. He trusted Forrest. And he had once trusted Michael, but that trust was shattered now. It looked like Michael was just starting to realize that.

“Guerin,” he said again, more firmly this time. He couldn’t risk Alex waking up and being upset, not when he’d been so content all day. “Take the files.”

Michael’s jaw was clenched so tightly Forrest wondered if he tasted blood. His nose twitched and he drew himself up. Forrest half-expected him to attack. But then he turned and grabbed the files, and without another glance at Alex, he stormed out.

Forrest tensed up when Alex stirred in his sleep and turned over onto his other side, but Alex only nuzzled his hip and clung to his sweater. He sighed deeply, and Forrest allowed himself a breath of relief.

When he couldn’t hear Michael’s truck anymore, he settled back onto the couch.

“That cowboy of yours is going to give me stress dreams, you know,” he murmured, bringing his hand back into Alex’s hair and gently brushing the strands back. The corners of his lips quirked up. “But it’s worth it to keep you. I’m never going to let you forget that, Alex. That you’re worth it.”

No matter who he stood against, Forrest wouldn’t let anyone take Alex away. Not without a fight.

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