#forgot to post this over here sooner so have it now ig

[boyrobott]

even you turned from me in disgust

the thing about living in a haunted house is this: horror always hits a little too close to home.

Read on AO3.

Astro really doesn't get the appeal of horror movies.

The way he sees it, he's already got plenty of bad guys trying to kill him day in and day out without worrying about a psychopathic child trying to suck out his soul in the middle of the night, or whatever's going on with those creepy little twin girls in the haunted hotel, and anyway, what kind of person actually wants to be scared? What kind of person likes gory bloodbaths where everybody dies at the end? What kind of person likes watching serial killers with garden knives for fingers, or possessed children spinning their heads around three hundred sixty degrees and spider-walking down a stairway, or a guy with a butcher knife and a mask murdering everyone he meets in increasingly awful and terrifying ways? What kind of person actually likes that sort of stuff?

…Well, apparently, Cora and Zane do, because they're going to have a whole marathon of horror movies the weekend before Halloween — and, for some reason, they've decided they want him there, too.

This presents a problem, because he really doesn't get the appeal of horror movies, remember, and something tells him several hours of them isn't going to magically change his mind, so he should just say he can't make it, come up with some plausible excuse or other, and forget all about it. But his work around the city has kept him so busy lately that he hasn't had a whole lot of free time to hang out with his friends for a while now, and he really misses them.

So he says yes.

Even though he seriously does not need to worry about some psychopathic child trying to suck out his soul in the middle of the night.

Surprisingly enough, it isn't actually that bad — or, at least, it's not that bad at first, as they settle in on the thick shag carpet in Cora's bedroom, with all the lights turned off (because Cora swears horror movies are way better in the dark), and the curtains pulled shut, and the TV screen glowing bright in the blackness, with a plastic bowl of buttery popcorn and enough fun-sized candy bars and cold sodas to put them all in sugar comas until New Year's.

…Although, to be honest, the first movie is a lot more depressing than he expected from something that's supposed to be scary.

"Why are they all so mean to Carrie?" he asks, more than once, with ever-increasing levels of distress, as the story unfolds. "I mean, she didn't even do anything wrong!"

Cora laughs, which immediately makes the whole bleak experience worth it, and tosses a handful of popcorn into her mouth. "I think maybe it's because she was really ugly in the book, or something? But that doesn't hold up here, 'cause, I mean, the actress is super-hot, obviously, so… yeah, I don't know. That TJ Porter doofus is always picking on you for no reason, isn't he? Some kids are just jerks, I guess."

Actually, Astro is pretty sure that TJ Porter is always picking on him because he's a robot, considering that's the primary focus of all his insults, but he's not about to bring that up. Last time he tried, Zane laughed and said you know he's just doing that 'cause he's jealous, right? and laughed even harder at the absolutely gobsmacked look on Astro's face as he tried to figure out why on earth anybody would ever be jealous of him.

"Oh, they're going to vote Carrie for prom queen?" he sits up a little straighter, before he remembers the teenagers on the screen pelted a sobbing girl with tampons for ten straight minutes, and laughed about it. "Wait, wait, hang on, why are they voting her in for prom queen, though? Are they trying to make up for what they did earlier, like Sue? That'd be a nice ending, I guess."

Zane sighs around a mouthful of Sour Patch Kids, and leans over to give him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Oh, you sweet summer child."

Once they get through Carrie, they go through three more films — he finds out exactly what's up with those creepy little girls in the haunted hotel, for a start, which is something he could have happily lived the rest of his life not knowing, and there's another creepy little girl right after that ("I feel like maybe we need to keep a closer eye on Widget after all this," Astro says) except she turns out to not be a little girl at all, because she's secretly a grown-up adult woman who's just pretending to be a little girl, which is crazy, and there's a really old black-and-white movie, too, about a guy who dresses up like his late mother to stab people to death in his murder motel.

"That's it," Astro declares, as the credits roll across the screen. "I'm never showering again."

"Airtight solution, SuperBoy," Cora nods sagely, before she turns her attention back to the TV. "Let's do Frankenstein next."

Zane frowns. "That's the one where the crazy scientist brings a guy back from the dead, right?"

"Sort of?" Cora shrugs, hitting a button on the remote to pull up the film in question. "He doesn't really bring a guy back from the dead, though. He just… makes a new guy out of dead people, basically."

Astro can't hold back a grimace. "Great. Thanks so much for that imagery, you guys."

Zane shoves him. "Don't wimp out on us, man. You literally talked down a bomber, like, two weeks ago. This is nothing."

"The bomber wasn't a zombie!"

Everybody quiets down when the movie begins, and for a little while, it's okay — the camera sweeps over a wintry landscape ("I thought this was supposed to be a Halloween flick," Zane mutters when he sees the snow, but Cora shuts him up by tossing a fistful of popcorn at him) and zooms in dramatically on a sad-looking man on a ship, staring wistfully out over an ice-choked ocean — but after a couple minutes, it gets… kind of uncomfortable. It's not really that scary, or anything, not like those other ones they just watched, and it's not a bad movie, either, but it's—it's just—there's just this scene, where the monster comes to life in the scientist's lab, and—

"I had worked hard for nearly two years," the narration says, calm and composed in stark contrast to the man on the screen, who's crying out in horror, shaking his head frantically, backing away from the table as his newborn creature rises up, "for the sole purpose of infusing life into an inanimate body. For this, I had deprived myself of rest and health. I had desired it with an ardor that far exceeded moderation. But now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and a breathless horror and disgust filled my heart. Oh! My hideous progeny! How I rue the moment you drew your first breath! How could anyone look upon you without revulsion? How could I ever have imagined my endeavor would produce anything of worth?"

Astro's stomach rolls over like he's going to throw up. He doesn't really know why, but there's something about this movie, or maybe just the man on the screen, that horrifies him more than any villain or criminal out on the streets ever could. My hideous progeny, he says. (a terrible mistake. just a machine. a failed experiment. a copy.) How could anyone look upon you without revulsion? he says. (I can't bear to see his face again.) How could I ever have imagined my endeavor would produce anything of worth? he says. (how did I think this could work?)

Astro blinks, shaking his head to try and shake off the sick feeling suddenly churning in his gut, and forces himself to refocus on the TV instead. It's only been a couple of hours since they started, after all, and he doesn't want to ruin his friends' night just because he doesn't like what they're watching. He got through all those other, much scarier, films just fine, so he's sure he can get through this one, too.

Except it just—it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse.

The monster has stitches all over his face from where Frankenstein sewed him together, and bolts coming out of his neck to hold his head on his shoulders. He looks different from everyone else — so different it scares them, so different it terrifies them, so different they scream at the sight of him, and send him away without ever giving him a chance, so different he can't fit in with anyone else no matter how hard he tries.

The monster is the only creature of his kind in the whole world.

The monster is all alone.

There is no one on earth like the monster. There is no one on earth who cares about the monster. Not even the man who made him.

Astro can't remember how to breathe, and his vision does this weird thing where it goes black at the edges like he's going to pass out, and it feels like maybe his heart is pounding faster than it usually does, which is a crazy thing for him to feel, because he doesn't even have a physical heart in the first place, and then he wonders if the monster has a physical heart and then he wonders if the monster has a name, or if that's another part of being human Frankenstein wouldn't let him have, and I can't bear to see his face again and how did I think this could work and I don't want you anymore—

He can't remember how to breathe. His hands are shaking, and his arms and legs are going numb, like all the blood is rushing from his limbs to flood into his chest instead, which is kind of crazy because he doesn't actually have any blood, and he wonders if the monster has blood and he wonders if the monster has bones and he wonders if any of that really matters when the monster has feelings, and that should be enough, and why isn't that enough? why isn't that enough for Frankenstein? why won't he just treat his creation like a person?

Zane says something, then, and Cora says something back, and they both laugh, but it's faint and faraway, like he's on the other side of the ocean, or maybe like he's in the ocean, drowning under the dark water. Cora shifts a little closer to him, her shoulder bumping lightly against his, and he can't remember how to breathe, and his hands are shaking and his arms and legs are going numb and he thinks, suddenly, about how Cora and Zane looked at him when they found out he was a robot — the horror and disgust in their eyes — and he realizes, with an awful jolt in the pit of his stomach, that the people in the cottage looked at the monster in the exact same way.

He thinks about how his dad looked at him, when he said you're not my son and I don't want you anymore, and he realizes, with a bigger and more awful jolt, that Frankenstein looked at his monster in the exact same way, hatred and revulsion and contempt written plainly in every line of his face, my hideous progeny a terrible mistake just a machine a failed experiment a copy not my son a robot how could anyone look upon you without revulsion I can't bear to see his face again how could I ever have imagined my endeavor would produce anything of worth how did I think this could work I don't want you anymore I don't want you anymore I don't want you anymore I don't want you I don't want you I don't want you I don't want you—

There's a ringing in his ears, a constant screeching wail, like tinnitus turned up to an eleven, and a terrible, crushing pressure in his chest that makes him wonder if maybe his heart is going to explode — except then he remembers he doesn't even have a heart, anyway, and maybe that's why it was so easy for Frankenstein to throw the monster away, because he knew the monster didn't have a heart, knew it wasn't human, and he can feel an awful pressure behind his eyes now, too, hot and heavy like a really bad headache. He hasn't felt this small since he lay down on a lab table and let his father kill him.

He wonders why Frankenstein couldn't just love the monster.

He wonders why he had to die just to get his dad to love him.

The pressure behind his eyes is getting worse, making the whole room look blurry and out of focus like a bad photograph, and it's stinging, and it's burning, and Astro—

—Astro starts to cry, so hard it actually kind of hurts, tears spilling down his cheeks and dripping off his chin and soaking into Cora's soft shag carpet. Loud, ugly sobs rip out of his throat before he can catch them, making his shoulders shake and shudder. Cora and Zane pause the movie and turn to stare at him, openmouthed and wide-eyed and wondering, and he thinks about how they looked at him when they found out he was a robot, and how the people in the cottage looked at the monster in the exact same way, and it just makes him cry even harder.

"A-Astro?" Cora says, finally, one hand hovering awkwardly above his shoulder like she can't decide whether she wants to touch him or not. "What's—What's wrong? What are you—?"

Astro tries to say I'm sorry, but there are so many things he's sorry for that it all kind of gets lost somewhere between his mind and his mouth, so he just sits there on Cora's carpet, sobbing and sniffling and scrubbing furiously at his eyes with the backs of his trembling hands to try and stem the endless flood of tears, and wondering if the monster can cry, or if that's another part of being human that Frankenstein wouldn't let him have. His arms and legs are going numb and his chest is aching and it feels like his heart is collapsing inside of him, a dying star buckling and bending under the weight of its own gravity and—

"W-Why didn't he want me?" he chokes out, his voice painfully small, and he wonders how many times the monster must've asked himself that same question, wonders if there was anything that the monster could have possibly done to make Frankenstein love him, and then he wonders how many times the monster must have wondered that, too. "Why didn't he want me? Why did he throw me away? Why did he make me just to throw me away? What's wrong with me?"

He wonders how many times the monster must've asked himself that same question, and he wonders how many times the monster must have lain awake at night in his dark and dirty hovel and waited waited waited for someone to love him, wonders how many times the monster must have called himself all the same horrible things his creator did, demon beast fiend villain hideous progeny a terrible mistake just a machine a failed experiment a copy not my son not my son not my son. He wonders if the monster's face is what his father sees whenever he looks at him — the waxy yellow-green corpse-skin stretched taut over rotted bones, the dull staring eyes, the terrifying towering stature, the shuffling limping gait, the bolts sticking out the sides of the neck, the lines of black X-shaped stitches threaded across the withered cheeks, the hunched slope of the deformed shoulders, the inherent wrongness of the whole shape — and then he wonders if maybe that's why his father said I can't bear to see his face again.

He wonders why his father had to make him like this.

He wonders why his father had to make him so different from everybody else.

He wonders why his father had to make him so difficult to love.

And then he wonders how many times the monster must have asked himself that same question, too.

"Tenma did that?" Cora says, at last, her blue eyes narrowed and her dark brow pulled down low in a scowl. "He did that to you?"

There's a cold fury in her tone, in her clenched teeth, in the tensed line of her jaw, and for a minute, Astro thinks it must be meant for him, that she must be mad at him — for ruining the movie, for crying all over her carpet, for making everything all about him, for whining about something that really isn't such a big deal after all, (and he knows that, he does, he knows he has no good reason to be acting like such a baby over this when his dad had it so much worse, because his dad lost his only son while he just got his feelings hurt, and he knows one of those things is not like the other, he knows that, and)—

—and then his brain finally catches up, and he realizes what she's actually saying, what she's actually mad about, and that's—that's almost worse, actually, because his dad doesn't deserve that. It's not like it's his fault that Astro couldn't be the son he wanted. It's not like it's his fault that Astro couldn't be a better Tobi. It's not like it's his fault Astro just isn't somebody other people can love without earning it first.

"H-He was going through a hard time when he made me," he quickly explains, so Cora and Zane won't get the wrong idea, so they know the truth, so they understand he's just overreacting like he always does. He has to make sure they understand that. He has to make sure they understand that his dad is a good person. He has to make sure they understand that his dad really was doing his best, and it's not his fault Astro couldn't be the son he wanted, not his fault Astro couldn't be a better Tobi, not his fault Astro just isn't somebody other people can love without earning it first, and if there's anyone who should take the blame in this whole messed-up situation, it's him, isn't it? It's his own fault he got thrown away like that, isn't it? Whose else could it be? "I—I mean, it was a really, really hard time for him. He was dealing with so much, and I was—I was just making it worse, I just kept making it worse, and he just—he just needed to get away from me for a while. You guys get that, right?"

The silence that comes after that is so heavy he thinks it's going to crush him. It's so heavy it's all he can hear. It's so heavy it presses in on him from all sides, so heavy he's scared to look at his friends just in case they're looking at him like those people in the cottage looked at the monster, so heavy he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have said that, so heavy he wonders if maybe he just made the kind of mistake he can't come back from, the kind of mistake that means their friendship is over, and they're going to send him away now like the people in the cottage sent the monster away—

"Jesus, Astro," Zane says, finally, breathless like somebody just came along and punched him in the stomach. "Jesus Christ, dude, that's… that's a lot. I-I don't even know where to start, man."

"Great, because I do," Cora jumps in all of a sudden, her voice knife-sharp and stone-hard. "Astro, it doesn't matter what your dad was going through when he made you. That's not an excuse. No, it is not," she adds, sharply, when he instinctively opens his mouth to argue with her. "And whatever made him decide to do that to you, it wasn't about you. It wasn't because you did anything wrong."

"But it was about me," Astro says, immediately — and so quiet, so serious, so honest, it takes him a second to realize he actually said it out loud instead of just thinking it. He's never needed to say it out loud before. Everyone else has always known it's true. "It was about me. If I had been better, he wouldn't have had to do that to me. If I had been better, he would've loved me right from the start."

"Is that," Cora asks, low and dangerous and so, so furious it seems to reverberate around the whole room, "what he told you?"

A tiny spark of—of something, too small for him to call anger but too big, and too close to fire, for him to call it anything else, flickers to sudden, diamond-bright life in his chest, and for the first time in their entire friendship, Astro meets her glare with one of his own, jaw clenching tight. "No, because he didn't have to tell me. It wasn't exactly rocket science! It only took a day for him to get sick of me! That kind of says something about a person, Cora, don't you think?"

There's a second of ringing silence right after he finally shuts his mouth, and he realizes he's standing up on his feet, glaring down at her — and she was scowling right back at him only a minute before, red in the face and madder than he'd ever seen her, but somewhere between one blink and the next, all her anger evaporated, and now she's gaping silently up at him with wide blue eyes, like he's just slapped her, or spit on her.

Astro has never raised his voice at her before. The guilt of it breaks over him like a wave of cold water, washing away the last, lingering spark of temper left in him. He wants to apologize, to say he didn't mean it, to promise he won't do it again, but he hasn't even opened his mouth before Cora pushes herself to her feet, too — though she doesn't look like she's gearing up for a fight, the way she did just a minute ago.

"No," she says, firmly. "It doesn't."

He's sure there must be some kind of context for that statement, but for the life of him, he can't figure out what it is. "W-What?"

"All that stuff your dad did to you," Cora says, her voice so strong and steady and sure he just can't help but listen to her. "You said it says something about a person, but it doesn't. It doesn't say anything about you. The things other people do to you, or say to you… that's on them, Astro. It doesn't matter who they are, or what they're going through, or if you think you could have done different, or been better, or whatever. It's still on them. They still decided to do what they did. You get that, don't you?"

Of course he gets that. Of course he knows people make their own choices, and they're responsible for their own actions, but… but his dad was going through a lot. And he was just making it worse. And his dad did need to get away from him for a little while. And it is hard for other people to be around him. And it hurt, obviously, of course it did, and it still hurts sometimes, when he lets himself think about it too long — like pressing on a bruise, or picking at a scab — but that doesn't make his dad a bad person, or a bad parent, the way Cora and Zane seem to think it does.

Besides, it's not like his dad was the only one who ever did anything like that, is it? Hamegg threw him away, too, once he found out he was a robot, Cora and Zane looked at him in the exact same way the people in the cottage looked at the monster, and sent him away like the people in the cottage sent the monster away, President Stone hunted him down like he was a criminal — and none of that makes them bad people. Hamegg was awful to his poor robots, of course, and there's no excuse for that, for the way he treated ZOG and the rest, but he still had some good in him, too, didn't he? He was always so kind to the other children in the orphanage, even if Astro wasn't one of them, and that… that says something about Astro, doesn't it? That says something about Astro, doesn't it, that he's the only kid Hamegg wasn't nice to? And Cora and Zane are the best friends he's ever had, and some of the best people he's ever met, so they're obviously not bad, either. And while President Stone wasn't exactly what he would call a good man, he commissioned the Peacekeeper specifically to keep the city safe from external threats. He might have been self-serving and power-hungry, and Astro isn't trying to say he wasn't, but he was never outright evil either, and he certainly wasn't the sort of person who'd attack an entire city full of innocent people over one single robot, not until Astro came along, and that says something about Astro, doesn't it? It says something about Astro, doesn't it, that his existence drove President Stone to the lengths it did?

It says something about Astro, doesn't it, that everyone he met in that first week of his life wanted to hurt him sooner or later?

"B-But," he says, trying his best to blink away another blinding tide of tears, but it doesn't work. "But what about Hamegg? And Stone? I—I mean… Stone went crazy just because I existed, a-and Hamegg was—"

Cora lets out a little sigh, soft and sad, and then, before he can say anything else, she reaches out and pulls him into a tight hug. "No, Astro, that wasn't your fault. None of that was your fault. I don't know why anyone would choose to do the kinds of things they did to you, because it was really, really messed up, and you deserve so much better, but I do know it wasn't your fault. You can't make somebody love you or not love you. You can't make somebody treat you one way or another. That's not up to you. They made their own decisions, and there isn't anything you could have done to change their minds."

"Yeah, man," Zane gets up from the floor, too, brushing a few stray popcorn kernels off the front of his sweatshirt, and comes over to join them. "There's no way you could have made that president guy any more whacked than he already was, trust me. And your dad…" he goes quiet for a second, shaking his head. "No offense, dude, but thinking you did something wrong is a pretty crazy to look at it. I mean, you don't think I made my parents ditch me, do you?"

"N-No," Astro says at once, even though he's pretty sure it's a joke. "Of course not. You were just a baby."

"Yeah," Zane says, very softly, putting a hand on Astro's shoulder. "So were you."

Oh.

Astro has never thought about it like that before.

Of course he knows that, technically, he was only a day old when his dad threw him away and President Stone tried to kill him, and seven days old when Hamegg put him in that arena. Of course he knows that, technically, he did fit the definition of baby back then, if only in the loosest sense of the term: still learning everything that other people already knew, brand-new to the world and clueless about all of it, stumbling blindly through his first steps and first breaths, and behaving purely on instinct instead of experience, because instinct was the only thing he knew. Of course he knows that. Of course he knows all of that.

But, for the first time in his life, he feels the faintest touch of sympathy for the small, young, scared-to-death, day-old boy he used to be. For the first time in his life, he tries to imagine hurting somebody as small and young as he was, in the ways his dad and Hamegg and Stone hurt him, and it makes him feel sick enough to throw up — and his dad and Hamegg and Stone were all even older then than he is right now. He can't imagine being a full-grown adult, and hurting somebody smaller than him like that. He can't imagine being a full-grown adult, and saying the kinds of things to a kid that his dad said to him.

"Oh," Astro says, out loud this time, because he's too dazed to come up with anything else — which is probably a good thing, because his throat pulls too tight to talk after that, anyway, and his eyes fill up with a fresh swell of stinging tears, and the tears spill over and pour down his cheeks.

Cora gently tugs him back into her arms again, and Zane keeps one hand on his shoulder while he cries, firm and warm and steady, and he doesn't know how long he stands there, clinging onto them like a lifeline as seven months of sadness floods out of him, but he knows they don't move an inch until he does, pulling away to scrub at his face and dry his still-damp eyes on his sleeve. His hands are still trembling, but not as bad as before, and his arms and legs aren't numb anymore, either. And he feels… lighter, almost. Like he's been carrying something very heavy for a very long time, and he's only just now put it down.

"I'm sorry," he says, finally — and a little shakily, too, but far calmer than he felt even ten minutes ago. "I—I'm really, really sorry about that. I didn't mean to r-ruin the movie. I just—"

"Astro," Cora cuts him off, so dead serious he immediately quiets down to hear her out. "If you seriously try and apologize right now, I'm actually going to hit you."

He's pretty sure that's an empty threat, but he doesn't particularly want to take his chances, either. He's seen what she can do with a wrench, after all.

"Also, you didn't ruin the movie," Zane jumps in, before the silence can settle over them too heavily, as he picks up the remote off the floor and clicks the television off with a pop. "That movie ruined itself. Man, that was like watching paint dry. Total snooze-fest. Let's do something fun instead." He pauses for a second. "You guys want to see how many jack-o-lanterns we can carve before your parents get home? Grace and I are still trying to break the world record, you know."

Astro knows exactly what Zane is trying to do — distract him from his feelings and steer him in an entirely different direction, pull him out of his own head and keep him out of his own head, keep him away from the hundred thousand conflicting thoughts and emotions and doubts still swirling around inside him like the world's worst tornado — but he plays along, anyway, because he doesn't want his friends to worry about him. And besides, a distraction sounds really, really nice right now. "What even is the world record, anyway?"

"Thirty thousand," Cora says, wearily, like she's heard the answer to this question way too many times before.

"And how many have you carved this year?"

Zane has to think about it for a minute. "…Twenty-two."

A small, startled laugh tumbles from Astro's mouth, a surprise even to him, and he pretends not to notice the quick, hopeful glance Cora and Zane exchange when he does. "Okay, yeah," he says. "Let's do it."

"Yes!" Zane punches the air over his head in a victorious fist-pump. "Come on, guys! Only twenty-nine thousand, nine hundred, and seventy-eight left to go!"

Cora groans.

[pomegranatesarchive]

head over heels | cl16 mv1 op81

charles leclerc, oscar piastri, max verstappen x reader

a ferrari driver, a mclaren driver, and a redbull driver all interested in the same girl…this won’t end well.

notes: i decided to make this a series! now should i make this poly?…

liked by patriciooward, redbullracing, user1, and 43,917 others!

yourusername: what a better place to have your first day then good ol’ texas! formula one here i come 🤠

view comments below!

user2: omg i totally forgot you are going to start interviewing for f1

user3: DUDE ME TOO

user4: im so excited!! i hope she does challenges like she did with indycar

patriciooward: what a coincidence! i just happen to be in texas too!!

yourusername; you followed me here, stalker 😣

patriciooward: LIES! i am here for a JOB

yourusername: well so am I

patriciooward: YOU ALWAYS COPY ME

user5: indycar, i will never forgive you for separating these too

indycar: come back to us 🥹

user6: YOU FIRED HER???

user7: first you fire her because she asked for a raise AND THEN you get in her comment section talking about ‘come back’ yall are SICK

user8: SHE DIDNT EVEN ASK FOR A RAISE!! she was offered more by f1 and instead of fighting back, indycar just decided to fire her??? like???

user9: companies will always prove that they do not gaf about you

liked by yourusername

user10: wtv, yn onto BIGGER and BETTER things

user11: when are you going to start posting on youtube again? 😣 we miss you :(

yourusername: sooner then you think!!

user12: you fit in with the texans so well

user13: yeehaw! 🤠

user14: congratulations on the new job!! i hope your first day goes well :))

user15: first days always make me so nervous

liked by user16, and 81,720 others!

kymillman: formula one driver down!

a mere seconds after this photo was taken, charles leclerc took a tumble on the texas pavement, following a tiny interaction with a new worker here on the track 😉 landing face first and awkwardly trying to play it off.

he is okay! just a bruised ego

view comments below!

user17: this is embarrassing, even for charles

user18: when i’m in a who can embarrass themselves more contest, but charles is already there

user19: IN FRONT OF A PRETTY GIRL TOO?? no you’d never see my face again

user20: it was BECAUSE of the pretty girl 😭 she smiled at him and suddenly was on the ground

user21: that’s humiliating

user22: i keep watching the video…why do his legs just like, give out?

user23: THERES A VIDEO?

user24: ig being a f1 driver doesn’t give you game

user25: this means max is going to win come sunday

user26: okay grandpa…how about we get you back to bed?

user27: i need yns reaction to this

user28: i think the worst part is that she didn’t even notice he fell…

user29: pls tell me your joking

user30: no 😭 she just walked away and didn’t spare him a single glance

user31: i needed this today…thank you

user32: i love to see the ferrari fall

user32: no pun intended

user33: the video just gave me the biggest second hand embarrassment

user32: i actually cringed into myself.

user33: it’s him getting up and looking around to see if anyone saw that gets me

user34: i hope this gets brought up multiple times during the weekend

liked by user34, and 491,017 others!

maxvertappen1: feels good to be back on the top step in the sprint 💪 onwards to qualifying, let's keep pushing @:redbullracing 👊

view comments below!

user36: are you not ashamed? are you not embarrassed?

user37: have you no shame, max?

user38: guys i’m so confused

user39: this weekend has been so crazy

user40: what’s going on?

user46: your cardboard cut out is sleeping on the couch tonight.

user43: GUYS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. I FEEL LEFT OUT AND I DO NOT LIKE IT.

user44: max was flirting with an interviewer today.

user43: WHAT

user45: was he flirting? or was he just being nice and yall are making it a big deal 🙄

user44: when the interview was over he stayed in his spot staring at the woman until she gave him attention and then asked her if she was new.

user44: she said yes and asked if it was that obvious. he said, “to me, yes.” AND THEN blushed when the interviewer reminded him that she did in fact have others to interview

user44: AND THEN, told her, “if you need any help around the paddock, let me know.”

user45: okay so maybe he was flirting 🙄

user46; what’s the big deal guys? let max get some with out you guys embarrassing him!

user48: HES embarrassing HIMSELF. does he not have decorum? self respect?

user49: okay but was the interviewer into it??

liked by user50, landonorris, and 14,926 others!

f1gossip: as austin comes to an end, i would like to reminisce that these three men, managed to flirt with the same girl (an interviewer, as a matter of fact), in a span of three days. do they know they are flirting with the same girl? are they into that? or is this all just a hilarious incident?

view comments below!

user51: this is the funniest thing to happen all weekend

user52: i see max and charles doing this, but OSCAR??

user53: yns following went up by 20k

user54: I WAS THERE WHEN SHS WAS AT LESS THEN 4k, SHE BETTER NOT FORGET ME!!!

user55: people still don’t even know who she is 😖 they keep calling her ‘the interviewer’

user56: i hope she doesn’t get hate for this…

user57; to be fair oscar could’ve just been being nice?? like taking a photo for someone doesn’t mean you’re into them

user58: i could not survive as an f1 driver

user59: like imagine your just tryna flirt with a girl, and suddenly it’s all over the internet of how embarrassingly you failed (max)

user60: it’s yns first race and this is how it goes??

user61: that interviewer is soo lucky

user62: okay but if you were the interviewer, who would you pick?

user63: max

user64: oscar 100000%

user65: charles, are you guys crazy?

user66: lando

user67: that wasn’t a option?…

user66: i don’t care

user67: has nobody realized that lando liked this 😭?

oscarpiastri has followed yourusername!

charles_leclerc has followed yourusername!

maxvertaappen1 has followed yourusername!

[nacaharachuya]

Okay so i realised im a fucking idiot and that i’ve been sending you shit through “?” And i have no idea where those messages go through so whoopdy doo ig but in my defence i wasnt able to send anything any other way bc.. uhh.. yeah my email wasn’t confirmed n all that. Im telling u man i’m a whole ass boomer rn🤦‍♀️ can’t even remember how to send an ask smh.

Anyways i only now finished reading svs because i’ve been putting it off in favour of reading different fics (works from other fandoms and… ooc soukoku fics. Listen i hate mischaracterisation as much as the next guy but i find them very entertaining okay) and AAAUURGGHH WHAT A BANGER. The way you write is immaculate if svs was a food it’d have a savoury taste like i’d be liking my fingers n shit. I found out about it when you posted on twitter you updated it (it was the smut chapter, by the way) and i was like “huh” and decided to read it and my god am i glad I didn’t skip over that tweet.

Idk if this was on purpose or not but verlaine is kinda cringefail in your fic and i love it. I am a firm believer that as badass as verlaine is he is undeniably embarrassing and i need MORE of that.

My one criticism for svs is that we needed more adam scenes. He should have been added like really, unnecessarily early on in the fic and act as a third wheel in the fic. But like a third wheel soukoku did not want or ask for but he’s just kinda there they can’t really get rid of him. Chuuya and dazai in their divorce arc arguing and adam is in the background thinking “i could crack a really funny joke from this” (on that note i added the lines “Adam’s blabbering makes more sense now, so they act as if nothing has happened. “When I lift this veil, you will seal the deal with a kiss.” He can’t stop himself from laughing, “I hope you enjoyed that joke too.” “We didn’t,” Verlaine says from across the shrine. “Paul be quiet.”” In my “collection of fanfic lines I chuckled at” in my notes. He’s so silly i love him. I love how he laughs at his own jokes he just like me fr.)

Anyways here are like two extra svs doodles. I keep thinking about how you said that chuu can fluctuate between genders (literally) and its so… zamn.

And reading the scene where verlaine is brushing chuuya’s hair inspired me to draw this

I have no idea how long chuuya’s hair is supposed to be like idk if it’s “yeah his hair is a little longer than it is in canon haha” or “yeah mf got some LONG ass hair looking like rapunzel”. Also I don’t remember if his lil ribbon was red or blue but.. i jus went with blue and i didn’t know if the pearls were supposed to be like on his head or woven into his braid so i just went with the latter. And again ALSO i know he was barefoot but i’m not drawing his fucking dogs okay.

This ask is long as hell never let me talk again LMAO

Currently looking at a detail i forgot in the drawing… not pointing it out in hopes you don’t notice it either smh but GOD DAMMIT 🤬🤬🤬

DAWG I OPENED THIS YESTERDAY IN SHOCK IA M ALWAYS BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR ASKS AND ART IT MAKES ME FEEL SO LOVED AND SO CRAZY LIKE!?!?! I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVED IT ENOUGH TO MAKE ART I SAVE IT AND LOOK AT IT CONSTANTLY ;_; IM LIKE.....

AND ALSO THANK YOU. I need svs criticism and ur right I should have introduced more characters earlier I just got carried away with skk because...IDK BUT ADAM WAS MY SAVING GRACEE. He was so silly I wanted to add him sooner but I was like wait....no... BUT HE IS IN THE SEQUEL!!! DW!!! His silly ass is there and he's cracking them jokes and Verlaine is like o_o. THE ADAM LINES WERE SO FUN TOO CAUSE HE'S NOT CRINGE HE'S JUST....HIM.

Verlaine is cringe-fail on purpose tho and I'm glad you saw that because I see him as an incredibly pathetic person who can't do normal human things. He would like bite open a metal can or rip it open with his hands because he doesn't know what a can opener is. He is that type of guy.

The art is just immaculate bro like straight-up BEAUTIFUL. Chuuya's literal genderfluidity is something I'm glad people like cause when I imagine divinity I think of someone not bound by sex or gender and whatnot plus I just don't think he'd give a fart. so like....world's most wonderful tits...but he's shorter.

THE WEDDING OUTFIT IS SENDING ME TO THE GRAVE THO LIKE. IT"S PERFECT AND IDK WHAT DETAIL YOU MISSED CAUSE I FORGET EVERYTHING BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT I"M. THE HAIR LENGTH I DIDN"T SPECIFIY !!! He looks so *crying emoji cause I don't have my phone* you don't have to draw his toes I just think barefoot chuu running up the stairs to meet dazai is very him. perseverance.

BOYCACA WHAT IS YOUR TWT LET ME FOLLOW YOU AND BOTHER YOU THERE AND SPREAD THE BOYCACA AGENDA

[ducky531]

Upcoming art + New additional OP oc fun!

Hey, my peeps! So, I do want to really quick make up a small heads up for all of you. Long story short: what art I HAVE posted here hasn't actually scratched the surface of what I have to post still both here and on all of my other platforms (and because I'm going away from IG as a whole, I have tried branching out on different platforms in hopes of trying to find a way to make my content available to everyone.) Soo, my point being, I do apologize for the spam of art I've been putting out recently. I'm still working on the comic with Bernice and Thatch, but the problem is that between all of the posting, as well as the streaming schedule I'm trying to keep and the other things I do outside of art, I've had to kind of sacrifice my time for one thing over another, lol. At the very least, I'm glad I'm actually dedicating my time to do this now because I've gotten pretty tired of posting everything one different platforms and then forgot where I posted it all, lol. I do want to also give you guys a heads up: I Will be opening a Q n A for all of my OP ocs here pretty soon, but first I have to get all of the old stuff put out first. I will also be working on putting things out for commissions here pretty soon since I actually have a pause in my student loans and want to try and pay them off ASAP. So, the sooner I can get them out of the way, the more I can actually work on saving up and focusing on my other goals, lol. In other news: I've about finished the Thatch zine I found a few months ago. I've been reading on it hit and miss, but I've finally gotten to the last story. (Ngl, I didn't know zines were a things, but I think it'd be fun to do one for another character or a separate one for him. Especially since I also write outside of art :D) .....Yes, this is me openly admitting to anyone that was thinking about making one, you can recruit me XD Anyways, I came on here to give you all that bit of a heads up. Again today, there will probably be quite a bit more older art that I post up on here. The descriptions will actually be the same as they are on other platforms plainly and simply to save time. So if you follow me on them, I do apologize if you're re-reading something I typed, lol.

[cits-ocs]

Part 2 is here!

So, I had all these backstory in mind and all, but I sort of just put them back in and focused more on Eric and Alan (I'll make a post about them sooner or later.)

2022 rolls around, midway through the year, I've decided that I'm sufficient with the work I've done with Eric and Alan, now it's time to focus on my other characters. This was when I decided to revamp Andres and Indah, because I didn't really like how they were.

I started off by re-designing Andres's hair, because it doesn't scream "I'm a mean guy" it's just like if he put tons of hair gel I guess? So how did I decide his hair? That's right, a fucking hairstyle poll

There were three options: the original, the crew cut, and the rat tail. I didn't like the original, so I was conflicted between the crew cut and rat tail. I added the rat tail option because I remember seeing some squatter kids with those rat tails, so I associate them with people like that yk? Plus it gives a very ratty and meaner look to Andres

I posted this around some discord servers I was active in, then counted the votes and all. However, I wasn't done. It was the first semester of the school year, plus I'm a very impulsive person so I made my friends, batchmates, and classmates vote. I even made some of my teachers vote.

Rat tail won, actually some people didn't even notice the rat tail but it won anyway. In a discord server, some suggested I shave the sides of his head. I misinterpreted it as like, shave it with his rat tail cut. The final hair is sort of a mullet + rat tail combo now.

Rough translation: Thank you for voting my dudes

Next up is Indah, I sort of did the same except with less people and more options. It wasn't an actual voting this tho, since I already chose a hairstyle and wanted to judge my friends' tastes lol

There were a lot of votes for 7, but I thought that was a bad looking hairstyle lol.

I modified his scars and moles too, then that was over for the design phase.

Now it's backstory revamp time. In a discord server, I was talking about Andres's backstory, then someone suggested I just make him a regular soldier instead. So that's what I did, that was step one. Then blah blah blah, I ended up having a revamped backstory for him. I added some other unfortunate events, but I'll talk about its relevance later

TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT + PEDOPHILIA (and minor mentions of self harm)

I stuck with the same idea of his twin sister and mom going away. I removed the human meat part too.

Growing up, he admired his father. He cared for him, sure, but also you know he didn't teach him the best ideals. Andres ended up growing up with this toxic masculinity mindset, and was also homophobic.

One day, his dad introduces him to his friend who's now his uncle yk. Andres liked hanging out with him, since he would play with him. Unfortunately, his uncle would groom him, then eventually would SA him until later on. The uncle sort of disappeared after that (metaphorically because something happens to him but I haven't decided what)

Andres ended up repressing all that trauma hard.

Now it's time for his teenage years. They were normal ig. He met this girl named Monica, who became his girlfriend. He liked her, treated her well. Until they had to break up because she had to go to another country. (honestly I remember she was supposed to be more relevant but then I forgot.)

Later on, he finds out his dad is going to jail. Won't be for the same cause, I'm just not sure of the crime yet. But it does make Andres feel bad about his father.

Since he has no other family left to give him shelter, he decided to go sign up for the army. Because at least there, he'll be given food and shelter. It was also because the military promotes this idea of hypermasculinity, like buff dudes, guns blazing and all. So, he thought that he would be "manlier."

(At this time, he was around 18 years old since I think you need to be 18 to enlist.)

In the army, he's basically a loner guy until he met a dude named Emil. He's around his age, but he's taller, more buff, and is friendly. I can ramble about him and Andres all day, but long story short, Andres was jealous of Emil, since in his eyes, he's more "masculine" and Andres isn't that. They ended up becoming friends, Emil reveals he's gay, Andres ends up talking shit about him behind his back, Emil finds out, they argue, Andres apologizes, friendship restored!

And then, he realizes he actually likes Emil. So, he confesses, Emil accepts, now they're boyfriends. Since Andres is homeless, Emil let him live with him.

On leave, it's when Emil finds out about Andres's trauma and all. Well, not really finds out, more like sees how much it affected him. All this time, he's been hiding it. Andres is more impulsive and reckless than Emil thought, which concerns him. Especially since Andres does s/h by clawing himself. He doesn't open up about it, never explicitly tells him, so Emil just tries to comfort him whenever he's sad, upset or anything. After all, other than his father (I guess), he's the only other positive male role model in his life.

Then, the war came over. I might have to do more research on this for more details to make it accurate. It's still the Marawi war. Andres is back at his hometown, seeing it in ruins. His role is to be a sniper and is crazy good at it. However, during that, his whole platoon (or squad?) dies, except him. Since he's a sniper, he has to be far away, so the attack missed him. It deeply scarred him, especially since those squadmates were his friends.

Something something, Andres finds out that Emil was behind that all along. I forgot small details, but Emil was paid to do it, so he has money to pay his mom's medical bills. They both argue, until Andres straight up murders him from rage. When he was done, he just ran away and deserted ig.

I was thinking that the few years after that, he either: became a criminal and then a hitman, or became a guerilla fighter, then became a hitman. I think the second option sounds cooler so I'll do that.

Andres's dream was to enroll into the University of the Philippines, study law, and become a lawyer. Too bad that didn't happen lol

I'll cut this short now, since it's way too long and I've only discussed Andres's backstory. Part 3, I'll talk about Indah's backstory, then my notes and thoughts on both of their backstories and how it relates to one another.

I don't use this acc very often but it's 3 AM rn, I want to ramble about my characters. No pinned post about each of them yet, so I'll use this as an opportunity to get people to know my fellas.

We'll start off with Andres and Indah, my two OCs who I've been focusing on a lot, since a lot happens in their story. I'm going to start from how they were conceived and how they are now.

Back in June 2021, I was reading Legs That Won't Walk, a Korean BL that involved gang members and stuff. I was getting angry from it, because man was it just so toxic but I was like, "I'll make characters that aren't as toxic as them!"

Lo and behold, my 2021 design of Indah and Andres, respectively. (Fun fact I designed Andres off of a picrew I made of him. Indah's hair was just bullshitted.)

Indah back then was just cold, not necessarily apathetic. Like the kinda mean sort of bad boy. Andres stayed the same-ish, he's just a mean goober.

So, we got the designs and personality. Now it's backstory time...

In 2021, I was also sort of interested in human trafficking? It will come into play later, but basically I decided their backstories will be darker than the usual. Like, besides domestic abuse, there's going to be actual crimes.

Their backstories were ROUGH, the worst part is I didn't even have a solid story. Just a stupid vague one and nothing ever stuck, it was just a mist. Since I didn't have a story when developing their backstories, the backstories were more fleshed out than the actual story.

Anyways, let's talk about their original awful backstories, starting with...

Andres P. Matay!

(I removed "Cris" in his name since I ended up having a character whose nickname is Cris.)

He's a Filipino, grew up in the Mindanao part of the Philippines. He had a twin sister, but his dad and mom separated and the mom left to go somewhere and took the sister. So now, it's just him and his dad. They're poor, so his dad had to do multiple jobs to keep them going.

One day, when he was like 13 or so, he came home and saw the police outside his house. Turns out, his dad's been murdering people and using their meat for food. Like, the food Andres ate that contained meat? Yeah, human meat. Now his dad is in jail and he doesn't want to eat meat because he's afraid it's gonna be human meat. So he has no dad now, he's gonna be in the care of social workers.

He was put in an orphanage (or was just a squatter kid. I don't know, I had 2 ideas for this part) and ran away, but then he meets his uncle, who he thought was going to help him. Nah, his uncle kidnaps him. Now here's where my interest in human trafficking came in! He's sent out to be a child soldier.

For some context, in 2017, there was actually this thing called the Marawi war. I was pretty young at the time so I didn't care for it, but the basic gist is there were ISIS terrorists so there was a war in that city.

Andres was supposed to be a child soldier in that war, sent out by ISIS. (There were actually reports of child soldiers in the war) and yeah, long story short, shit horrified him. After the war was over, he had nothing, because the city he lived in is in ruins and he has no relatives to help him. He's skilled with guns so he becomes a criminal, ends up as a hitman. That was his bsckstory.

I made drastic changes lol, because it was just too edgy.

Now it's time for...

Mohammed Indah Monanandara!

(I actually thought "Mohd" was legit just the name but it's just a short version of Mohammed... He wasn't even muslim anymore when he changed his name.)

Okay, this one is like, edgy for the sake of edgy. I'll keep it short because I didn't even think of his backstory as much as Andres.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF RAPE OR SEXUAL ASSAULT

Indah is half-Thai, half-Indonesian. Why? I was active in this server during 2021, and one of the people there was Thai and I was watching Nanno too, so I was like "hm Thailand seems cool" but I forgot where the Indonesia part came from, but the Thai part came after Indonesia. Also that friend made me his surname (I just checked now and it's actually spelled "Monanandra" but ehhh...). Anyways he grew up in Indonesia, in Jakarta. He was also born a girl, this comes into play later.

He had a normal family and was a smart student. Until when he was in highschool, his father suddenly got into debt with like a gang. They lost money. I forgot how this ties into the next part, but the next part is one day, Indah gets confessed to by a male classmate of his. He declines. After school, the classmate and his friends found him alone on the school campus and... SA'd him. Then he got pregnant. Then he gave birth to a child (he kept her).

I was inspired by the first episode of Nanno season 2. Spoilers for Nanno, but first ep, Nanno curses this playboy guy to get pregnant. When I saw the stuff, the idea just popped in.

After that part of his backstory, it was really just empty stuff? I had the vague idea wherein he gets trafficked too or something, and then meets this gang leader who helps him out, etc. etc. Now he's a high ranking gang member.

In his revamp, I only kept the first few parts, then just filled in the rest of the empty spots. Why did I keep the SA part even though it kind of felt... weird? Because I have a friend who likes Indah and relates to him because of that. So, I felt obligated to just keep it in.

Ok this post is like very long and took me almost an hour to write.

Fun fact, Monanandara is spelled as "มรอนันตรา" and means "eternal death" which is very cool

Part 2 will be the next

Part 2, I'll mainly talk about how I revamped them and how they are currently compared to their 2021 versions. And I'm going to start tagging my posts with my characters' names

[makeusfreefromthisfandom]

just sending some appreciation and good vibes to my people for the new year <3

kisses from me bc you all hold a very special place in my heart 💝

Also veryyy long post ahead I’m sorry I had to include everyone Aakklaksks 😭😭

@ominous-meme 🖤 sabah! You were my very first mutual on here I hope you know that! I can’t even begin on how excited I got when I found out you were a fellow desi girl and I will always appreciate you being there and advising me! <3 I love our street racing au! talks ! I’m glad I have someone to share ideas with <33

@weebsausage 🖤 dude omg!!! 😭😭😭 pls I literally forgot how we became moots I’m so sorry I have a tiny brain 😪 but I think we literally just messaged each other and started talking about free! ANYWAYS TYSM FOR PUTTING ME ON HXH I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOR THAT WTF ITS LIKE MY FAV ANIME EVER I HAVE BECOME HXH TRASH AJSJSJBS ❤️❤️ but other than that thank you for being a really great friend to me and I hope this year is nothing but good things for you <33

@dokifluffs 🖤 you were also one of my first moots on here! I honestly could not believe when you followed me back bc ur like my biggest inspo! 😭 you’re so precious omg I always look forward talking to you and get excited when I see a notif from you still! I hope the new year treats you well and brings good things in your life! Lots of love from me bae 🥰❤️

@syrenblubs 🖤 ah my most relatable person LOL. Omg syren ur my little bestie on here and I’m so glad we’re mutuals! I love our natsuya talks and OML THE C****** RAID! ALSJJSJSJSJJS AND DESI PARENTS AKSJJSNS. Just thank you for always interacting with me even tho I SUCK at responding 😭❤️❤️❤️ ilyyysmmmmmm

@linak 🖤 baby omg where do I even begin. Back when I had literally no one to talk to on here, you would be the one NEVER failing to send me a gm/gn message! You always bring a stupid smile to my face 😭 I’m so freaking glad that we are friends I literally cannot put into words!! Ty for always listening to me and letting me open up to you ❤️ love you always.

@croctears 🖤 vixxx ahhh!!! I’m so glad we became mutuals on this shitty app! You’re one of the highlights of my day and I love talking to you sm 😫 especially if it’s about Sou 😏😏 keep being amazing bae! Kisses mwuah mwuah 😽😽

@xakusa 🖤 Marty bby! 🥰 literally the only person I’m going to share my man natsu with 🙄 our conversations are always so RANDOM and out of nowhereeeee lollll but we also just go along with it and I love that! You are an angel and this year better be giving you what you deserve! Lots of love from my end 😽😽😽 kissies from me and natsuya <3

@cafelixie 🖤 I will keep saying this and I will never stop. YOU!!! ARE!!! THE!!! ACTUAL!!! DEFINITION!!! OF!!! PRECIOUS!!!! Need I say more? You’ve made my day countless times and I always look forward to seeing you in my messages/inbox!! Baby I freaking love you I really don’t know what else to say 😭❤️

@skippyskeppy 🖤 I will never forget the first time we interacted my Kisumi enthusiast 😙🤝 I love it sm whenever I see you pop into my inbox with a random hc about semi semi or Kisumi, Albert now too! You are an amazing person. A really amazing person. I hope you know that ❤️

@keeijiakaashi 🖤 I remember seeing your little comments under my posts before we became moots and OMGGGG YOU ARE SO CUTE AISJJSJSJS ALSO RIN ENTHUSIAST??? YES PLEASE!!! Tysm for always interacting with me and making yourself known as the ultimate sweetest person on my blog! Ilyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️

@animatedarchives 🖤 we have your fellow love of the kirishimas to thank for us becoming moots! You’re so cute soph omg 😫 I love how we literally have brainrots of the same characters LIKE MR GOJO LEECH SATORU!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD OR PAY RENT!!! Ahh you’re irreplaceable soph! Never fail to make me smile like an idiot <33

@natsuya-enthusiast 🖤 how did we not become moots sooner wtf??? Do yk how alone I felt when I had no one to discuss my obsession of natsu with when I first made this blog 😪 AND THEN I REALIZED U WERE ONE OF MY FIRST FOLLOWERS???? ANYWAYS U ARE THE BIG SIS I NEVER HAD ALWAYS PULLING THROUGH W THAT LIFE ADVICE BAHAHAHA ilysm gaby wtf 😭😡😡😡❤️❤️❤️

@moonlitspring 🖤 do you even realize how happy I got when I realized there was another ACTIVE free! blog 😡😡 ajsjjsjs you are such an amazing writer and PERSON sky!!! You’ve been nothing but the sweetest and I hope we get to interact more this year and share our love of free! together <3

@ayumiko 🖤 laís you are such an angel! I absolutely adore both you and your edits/gifs smmm 🥰 you are so kind and I hope 2021 is also <333

@dalggina 🖤 omg??? YGO bae??? 😤😤 I thought literally everyone had forgotten ab it LOL THEN YOU CAME ALONG ❤️❤️ I’m really glad we interacted precious person! And I hope that you have a great year! ALSO YOU BETTER NOT STRESS YOURSELF OUT TOO MUCH FROM WORK OR IM MANIFESTING MR ATEM TO COME GET YOU 😡

@stormikujo 🖤 omg bby! We haven’t talked in awhile! I hope you are doing well! ❤️❤️❤️ ahhh I’m glad I got you into free otherwise we wouldn’t even have interacted 😫 I love talking to you stormi!! And I hope this year brings great things fro you! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

@aj-writes-here 🖤 omg hey girl 😼😼 you’re definitely one of the coolest people I’ve talked to on here for sure! Hope you’ve been enjoying hq and free! Your welcome for putting you on that simp train 😼 anyways, ilysm aj!! I really wish the best for you this year! Stay amazing as you always are, ily!! ❤️❤️

@attackonfics 🖤 wtf 😭😭 I don’t deserve you???? You’ve been nothing but the sweetest to me and also responsible for my unhealthy obsession with mr 5’2 angry gremlin >:(( jkjk but seriously, ty for the food 😌. ANYWAYS QUEEN I HOPE YOUVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND TREATING YOURSELF AS!!! YOU!!! SHOULD!!! VIRTUAL HUGS 😽😽 💝

@browsing-my-favourite-fandoms 🖤 Shizen! You are too good for this world! 😭 you are such a genuine person, you deserve nothing but happiness ❤️ I really hope that this year does that for you. I’ll keep checking in from time to time! Ilysm! ❤️

@inum4ki 🖤 sera...please...just invest in a personal guide or smth. Asksksknsjs n e wayzzz seeing you in my inbox is always so much fun! Sousuke really deserves more love and you are bringing it to the table hun 😤😤 also you’re a fellow inumaki enthusiast too??? Yes please. You deserve all the happy things in 2021 <3

@sneezefiction 🖤 Gracie!! I love how easy it is to get along with you! You are truly one of the best people I’ve met on this app and I’ll forever be grateful for our friendship <3 you give off such great vibes all the time omg giving you a huge virtual hug and here’s to more interactions this year! 🥰😽😽😽

@velvetfireworks 🖤 bbyyy!! 🥰 everytime we interact even if it’s not a whole lot, you’re always the sweetest what 😭 I love you and you’re writing so much omggg you are so talented!! I get super excited when I see myself get tagged in one of your stuff 😆 I hope we get to interact more in the future! Have a great New Years ❤️❤️❤️

@a8mine 🖤 stop being so mean to me 😡😡 !!!!!! ig ily anyways tho 🙄 you’re energy is honestly unmatched (in a good way!!) and it’s rare to meet people like that! You’re so funny omg and your random hcs and cursed discourses always have me dying 😭😭 you’re so cool hanna ily 😪✌️ <333

@giorvanna 🖤 ahh rena! Your blog and edits are *chefs kiss* I love our random semi brainrot sessions 🥰🥰 I hope we interact more in the future but in the meantime I’m sending you good vibes and lots of virtual hugs bc you deserve them queen ❤️❤️❤️

@seijohlogy 🖤 hey hey jaestar 🤩🤩 you are such a cool person??? Omg I’m so glad that we’re friends and randomly invade each other’s inboxes 😆 you are so kind! This year better be kind to you too or else 😡😡 I hope that after Ms rona decides to move her ass over, you get to go to Disneyland and take!! Me!!! With!! You!! Love you jae bae ❤️❤️

@prettysetterbaby 🖤 hey sexc 🤩🤩 no idea why you followed me but glad you did bc you are such a sweet and chaotic person!! I loveeeeee <333 I hope we get to interact more bc you are just genuinely such a fun person to interact with! Ilyyy

@datecho 🖤 yet another just genuinely sweet person! The world doesn’t deserve you! You’re so fun to interact with and a hottie??? omg shoto and kags better get off their asses rn and come get you or I will 🤩🤩 ly bae! have a great New Years! ❤️❤️

@miyasangel 🖤 we haven’t interacted much yet but ahaha talking about suna and sending my fanart to you is sm fun! Did I tell you that I also have a wip of Atsumu as a street racer? 😏 have a great year Arden bae! Kisses 😽

@aikk00 🖤 hi hi! We don’t interact on a daily or anything but when we do, omg!!! You are the most easy person to get along with 😭 you have such a good heart along with the talent???omg??? You are UNMATCHED babe! I hope this year brings you many more opportunities! Stay amazing love ❤️ ily and your art very much ❤️ I’m also still very embarrassed from fucking up the credits from last time. I’m so sorry bae 😭❤️❤️

@kurooskult 🖤 ma’am you might as well be the definition of bad bitch 😪🤝 ok but besides that, interacting with you is sm fun??? Like we don’t even have to be moots on your blog to feel just as included and loved! You are such a queen for that! Here’s to more mila x kuroo content in 2021 and he better be doing special for you as he should !!

It’s still the 31st here but THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING MY COUPLE OF MONTHS ON HERE BEARABLE!!! This sounds like a goodbye post Oml-

I love you all very much. I suck at words, but I hope you know that. ❤️

[clairecrive]

“Mr Darcy” pt.2

Here it is guys! This has been highly requested and I loved the first one just as much as you did so I couldn’t really say no. However, I do think I’m better at writing angst than fluff so I’m not too sure about this one. I hope you like it nonetheless! I’ve decided to post this now as a treat for the week that it’s about to start ‘cause I’ll be hella busy and idk if I’ll be able to publish anything.

Tag list: @deaflikehawkeye​, @mollybegger-blog​, @br0ck-eddie​, @of-love-and-of-the-sea​, @fandom--0verdose​, @evelynshelby​, @shadow-of-wonder​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @sopxhiea​, @fuseburner​ (let me know if you wanna be added)

Part 1

It had been a week. However, if you were to ask either of them, they would have said that it had been longer. When y/n got home that evening, for a moment she thought of how stupid the whole fight was. She could see that maybe she had overreacted a bit. She knew how Alfie could choose the worse words possible to express his feelings. Maybe that was the case and not his subconscious confirming her worst fear. For a moment she had actually thought of calling him and ask him to come back and talk it through. But then, after a look at the clock, she decided that it was best to sleep on it, clear their heads and face the problem when both of them had sorted their minds. 

There were some things though, that were better done sooner rather than later. And resolve an argument was one of them. A part of her secretly hoped for Alfie to call her or give her any sign that he wasn’t going to accept her decision. Because it had been, in fact, her decision to break up. At that moment in time, in his car with his words fresh in her mind, that had seemed the only logical thing to do. Now, days after the argument, she realized that no, of course it wasn’t. But she had been so hurt by his insinuation, it had hit too close home for her to just ignore it or think straight.

Next day came around and y/n was wondering if she had thrown everything away or if there still was a chance for her to fix things. Alfie had said that he loved her, so that meant that he wouldn’t be mad if she called him. Right? She had made such a fool of herself though. And how could she have ended things so easily between them? Like it meant nothing to her. Like it was the easiest thing to do for her. But god that couldn’t be more wrong. Saying those words had killed her. She could swear that she had lost a piece of herself that night. The piece of her heart that was forever gonna be Alfie’s.

So days went by and y/n was stuck trying to find the right words to express what she wanted to say and also to gather the courage to make the call. Alfie hadn’t called nor texted, despite her untold wish. But that shouldn’t have surprised her after all. Alfie was proudful and she was the one who ended things so he would have never made the first move. Y/n had always insisted that girls shouldn’t be afraid of making the first move when it came to guys. However, now that she was put in that position, she found that it was easier said than done.

Finally, on the fourth night after the day at the beach, she was settled. She was going to call him and ask him to come over and if he didn’t want to she was simply going to explain herself over the phone; if he didn’t even want to hear her out then at least she had tried. That wasn’t much more she could do other than try and fix things.

So she pulled out her phone and unlocked it to dial his number. She forgot though that the last time she had used it, she was wasting time on Instagram. So her IG feed was the first thing she saw when she unlocked her phone. She went to close it when a picture or rather a story caught her attention. There was a preview of the stories of some of the accounts that she followed but only one made her stop and freeze on the spot. 

Karen’s story was on display. But that’s not what bothered her. She was with a guy or well, she had posted a guy in her story. Nothing unusual for her up until this point if it wasn’t that the guy’s hand was one y/n was very familiar with. Shaking her head as if to send the thought away, she took a deep breath before opening the story.

Her heart stopped. Her breath got stuck in her lungs. 

The crown tattoo was unmistakably Alfie’s. What were the odds of Karen coming across some guy who had the same tattoo of her ex and wore the same kind of rings? 

The next story, however, tragically dissipated every doubt. 

It was Alfie indeed. He was standing behind her pulling his selfie face. Which was basically his face, just void of any expression. 

They weren’t alone. The other guys of her group of friends were there but that wasn’t comforting at all. He had gone out with the lads, so what? Y/n and Alfie had been together for a while so it was only natural that her friends became his friends too. There was nothing wrong with that. 

But why was he standing so close to her? Why had he agreed to take a selfie? She usually had to beg him to take pictures together. And why had he gone out to party when they had just broken up? He had looked genuinely broken that day, she was basing her hope to fix things solely on that. She thought that he cared about her and their relationship. But did he really, when so soon after their split up he had gone out to party? The thing was, that Alfie had always told her that he hated going to the disco. It wasn’t really dancing what they did in there and that people only got there just to find someone to screw. That’s what he used to say to her. 

Locking the phone again, she discarded it on the table while she let herself fall on the sofa. Timing was everything and she was suddenly grateful that she hadn’t called him. Otherwise, she would have looked like a fool, and he had already hurt her enough. She didn’t need to add things on her regret list.

So here she was then. Almost a week after their break up, heartbroken and desperate,  pitied by her friends that forced her to go out. If Alfie was enjoying himself, they didn’t see why she couldn’t do the same. Even if going out was the last thing y/n wanted to do, she knew that her friends meant well and that it wouldn’t hurt her to be in their company. So she agreed to the meeting and that’s why she was here in an unknown bar with them.

Half an hour in and she felt thankful that she had listened to them and gotten out and grateful for their presence in her life at the same time. However, the feeling was soon forgotten when she saw two people approaching their table. Karen had entered the bar, wearing her usual skimpy outfit with Alfie following right behind. After the night she had seen her igs she shouldn’t have been so surprised to see them together. However, she couldn’t help the pang in her heart that seeing them, him, inflicted. 

As soon as her friends spotted the couple, they made space for them closing up on her at the same time as to protect her. They moved so that Alfie and Karen would be sat at the other end of the table and if y/n didn’t turn her head to the side, she would be able to ignore their presence completely. And for the first ten minutes or so she was able to.

Then she could feel Alfie’s eyes on her from time to time and suddenly ignoring Karen’s high pitched voice was proving to be a more difficult task than she had initially thought. So when the opportunity presented herself to leave the table for a while, she greedily took it. It didn’t matter that y/n would always avoid talking with the barmen or the waitress because she’d get all uncomfortable making the exchange painfully awkward. She’d do it all the same if it meant getting away from that snake. 

After taking everybody’s order she got up and approached the counter waiting for the girl to notice her before repeating the order to her. Taking a deep breath she rested her head on her hand trying to compose herself. She and Alfie were over and since her friends were also his, she’d to learn how to deal with it without getting too bothered. 

“Hey,” Alfie interrupted her autogenic training, startling her a bit. She didn’t expect him to follow her nor to try and initiate a conversation. But she would be civil. It had been her decision after all.

“Hey,” she greeted him back, her eyes never leaving the girl that was making their drinks. She hoped she was almost done, any minute longer and this exchange was bound to get very awkward very fast.

Alfie wanted to talk to her but he didn’t know what to say. It was the first time they met after the break-up and now talking to her seemed the hardest thing to do. He knew that she wasn’t going to say anything if he didn’t. So he tried to come up with something to say.

“How are you?” Emphasis on try.

Y/n did her best to fight to urge to roll her eyes and reply with a sassy comeback, but really how could she? And since when Alfie bothered with small talk? Seemed that since they split up a lot of things changed. Or maybe they had always been like that and she hadn’t noticed before. Y/n couldn’t know that in that moment Alfie was mentally kicking himself for choosing the lamest thing to say. He absolutely abhorred small talk and so did she. But he had to make her talk someway. Deciding to not play along with him, she just turned to give him a pointed look. She had always been good at conveying her emotion with just her eyes. And Alfie knew her well enough that reading her wasn’t hard. Instead, she decided to turn the question. 

“How are you?” She tried to leave any trace of accusation from her voice but by the way Alfie shuffled on his feet, she must have failed. 

“Could be better.” Was his answer. Turns out that he had also decided to stir away from small talk. A simple “fine” wouldn’t have done. They both knew each other too well though that they could easily spot the other’s lies. And that would have been a lie. 

Despite appreciating his effort to be genuine, y/n really couldn’t help the scoff that left her mouth. She tried to cover it with a cough but when Alfie looked at her she quickly tried to divert his attention.

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?” To be fair, maybe it was better if she had scoffed and turned around and nothing else. Because now the conversation was going to be uncomfortable indeed.

It was Alfie’s turn to be startled. He knew to what night she was referring to and guilt was taking over his body after he detected her tone. When he accepted the invitation he hadn’t really thought about how it could have affected her. He just took it as an opportunity to get out of the house and do something that wasn’t thinking about y/n. When he realized that Karen was going to be there, he knew that she was going to document the night. There was nothing he could do then, other than hope that you didn’t go on Instagram that night. Seemed that you had seen it though and now he was once again at loss for words.

“Speaking of-” Alfie started but y/n didn’t let him finish.

“What you do is none of my concern anymore, Alfie. I just didn’t realize you and Karen were so close. Must have gone over my head. But oh well, I’m happy to see you happy.” And with that, she completely dismissed the conversation and turned around to go back to their table. Alfie hadn’t noticed that their drinks were ready. He was standing there speechless at her insinuation and the ease with which she had just left him there. Happy? Him?

Making his way back to their table too, he was surprised to notice y/n’s absence. Turning to Mark, the closest guy to him, he inquired about her and learned that she had gone out for a breath of air. This was his occasion and he’ll be damned if he wasn’t going to make the best of it. He got out of the bar and saw y/n standing close to the bar’s wall, her head lifted back on the wall, eyes closed. Alfie walked up to her and mirrored her position but didn’t speak.

“Luke, I’m fine I swear. You don’t have to stay here with me.” Y/n had felt someone approach her and settle beside her and had naturally deducted that it was Luke who had come out to check on her.

“‘snot Luke,” Alfie mumbled loud enough so that she could hear. He feared her reaction but was also put off by the fact that her mind had instinctively gone to Luke.

“What are you doing out here?” Almost alarmed, y/n promptly opened her eyes and looked at him. He was the last person she thought would come out.

“I came to check up on ya.” Alfie said almost timidly.

“Thank you but there’s no need. You can go back inside.” 

And here she was dismissing him again. Alfie couldn’t believe what they’d come to. There was a time when y/n would always be asking for more time together, would always be by his side, would always be present in some way. Now here she was, sending him away like she could hardly bear to be near him. The realisation hurt but Alfie had no one to blame other than himself. 

He didn’t listen to her. He stayed right where he was. There was nothing inside that was calling him anyway. There was nothing more important than being here with her. No other place where he’d like to be.

“Happy,” he voiced out his thoughts to no one in particular but he knew that she was listening, “you said that I’m happy,” he scoffed. “How could you ever say that?” he accusingly asked her hurt by her insinuation. 

“Well, you look fine to me. Looked like you were enjoying yourself at the club. So yeah, I assumed you were happy.” Scrolling her shoulders she explained herself not meeting his eyes. “Aren’t you?” The question came out barely audible. Y/n wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answer.

“How could I be?” To Alfie, it was unfathomable that she could think that he was happy. They had split up for god’s sake, how could he ever be happy after that?

“It seemed that you had moved on, I don’t know.” 

“Do I look like I’ve moved on?” 

She then looked at him, really looked at him for the first time that night and well, he had a point. He looked like he hadn’t had a good night sleep in at least a week but to be fair Alfie always looked a bit dishevelled. 

Y/n could sense that if she stayed out there with him they were going to argue and she was too tired for that. She hated arguing, she absolutely despised it and it seemed like it was all they were doing. Letting out a sigh she moved off the wall and was about to get back inside when Alfie’s voice stopped her.

“We need to talk about what happened the other night.” He said but she just looked at him. Was there any point in talking about it anymore?

“Talk to me, y/n. Please.” 

“I don’t think there’s any point in discussing it anymore, Alfie.”

“Well, I fucking don’t think so, right?” Alfie was growing agitated, she could tell by the way he would grip his beard, “ we broke up and you’re telling me that there’s nothing to discuss anymore? So that’s it then? That’s what you’re telling me?”

“You didn’t call. You didn’t text. Nothing. If you had something to say you would have. Besides, why are you even mad, Alfie? I’m not the one who’s already involved with someone else.”

“The fuck yer on about, eh?”

“You went out with her. You came here with her, sat next to her. You took pictures with her, Alfie. I used to have to beg you for one. Funny how things change, eh?”

“There’s a whole fucking big misunderstanding here pet, right? I’m not with Karen.” He scoffed at the thought. As if. “How could I, right, when I’m still in love with you?” But y/n chose to ignore his last sentence.

“Well it doesn’t matter, does it? You’re single now, it’s bound to happen.” Saying that s-word really took it out of her but that was true. It was as if she was actually realizing it for the first time. He was single. And guys never stay single for long. She better get used to the idea of seeing Alfie with someone else, even if it wasn’t Karen.

“Stop y/n, just stop. Stop talkin like we’re fucking through and done, ‘lright? I can’t fuckin stand it.” Shaking his head, Alfie looked like he was fighting his inner demons. He looked haunted. The truth was that what he said was true. He really couldn’t bear hearing her talk about them like they were a thing of the past. 

“It’s the truth, Alfie.” She muttered because pointing that out hurt her too.

“No, ‘snot, ‘lright?” Taking a step towards her, Alfie was failing at keeping his distance from her and was ready to give in to that instinct that told him to scoop her up in his arms and never let her go. “ Please, y/n. You have to let me make this right.” He literally pleaded. Y/n had never seen Alfie so desperate. She would love nothing more than to give in and tell him that it was okay, that they were okay. But they weren’t. What happened changed the way she thought of him and she didn’t know if it was a reversible thing.

“I trusted you, Alfie. I opened up to you, I confided in you against my better judgment that told me not to trust guys anymore and look what happened.”

“I’m so, so sorry pet. I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me, at least on that.”

“I thought you were someone that was never going to hurt me. But I was just being naive, I guess.”

“I screwed up y/n, okay? Don’t ya think I fuckin know that? That I’ve been kickin meself for it since it happened? I knew I had fucked it all up as soon as I opened my mouth.” Grunting as if trying to express himself was actually hurting him, Alfie took his frustration out on his soft hair. “I just- I was tryin to tell ya that I didn’t care about those things. But you know me pet, I always say the wrong thing.” 

“That’s one way of saying it.” She agreed scoffing.

“Luke probably has chosen better words, I’m fuckin sure of it, but I don’t see why his were okay and mine were not.”

“What does Luke have to do with this?”

“Well, Karen told me that you was worryin yerself about yer imperfections. Well, what you think are imperfections ‘cause I ain’t never thought of ‘em like that, right? So I was trying to be a loving boyfriend, helpin ya and whatnot. Totally screwed up though, ‘aven’t I?”

“Wait. Karen told you that?” He nodded.

“Since when you and her have been talking? I thought you just said hi to each other.”

“We did, yeah. Was as surprised as yer when she spoke to me that day.” Nodding, y/n processed the information Alfie just provided her with. Karen. Of course it was her fault. Saying all that nonsense only to sink her claws in him when they broke up. Of course. How could she hadn’t thought about it? It was obvious.

“I should have known.” Y/n snickered with mirth shaking her head. Everything was falling into place and it all made sense now. Karen had used Alfie’s jealousy to drive them apart. And she had so foolishly let her. God, what a bitch. But Alfie’s was only more confused by her snicker.

“Why did you listen to her, Alfie?” She then addressed him.

“Well, she meant good didn’t she?” Oh, Alfie…

“Karen? Please, Alfie, she’s a bitch. And she has set her eyes on you since the first time I introduced you to everyone.” She explained and was surprised to see his confused expression, guys could be so clueless… “I can’t believe that she had almost got away with this.”

“Wait- so she’s not your friend?”

“Of course not Alfie! Have you never noticed how none of the girls actually spend time with her? ‘Cause she’s a back-stabbing, two-faced witch. It’s not the first time she does something like this.” The more she thought about it, the angrier y/n became. She had half a mind to go back inside and gave Karen a piece of her mind. 

“Fuck.” But she and Alfie weren’t done.

“So, you’re telling me that this all happened because of a bitch that manoeuvred you like a puppet with your jealousy?” Y/n was trying to figure this situation out. This new change of events left her at a crossroad. Could she really be that mad at Alfie for being completely clueless that she would stay broken up?

“Well, if ya put it like that…” he started but she interrupted him with a gesture of her hand.

“Don’t you trust me, Alfie?” 

“I do pet, I do. It’s just- you gotta understand that sometimes, yeah, I say things I don’t really mean or act on instinct because I’m a fuckin beast, ain’t I?” His complete honesty and just the way he gesticulated when he spoke made y/n snort. She tried to cover the sound given that the situation wasn’t exactly comical however her attempt totally failed when she saw Alfie insecure smile. She had missed him so much. 

A noise coming from the pub doors caught her attention and she noticed that it was Karen that was coming out. No doubt to check on Alfie. A primal urge came over her to assert her name on him. As if to send a huge middle finger to her who wanted to take what was hers. For once in her life, y/n made a split-second decision. In front of her there was Alfie, the guy she was in love with and here she was coming, someone who wanted to take him away. She couldn’t let that happen. She won’t go down without a fight. She had already made things too easy for her. Enough.

Without further thinking about it, she closed the space that kept them apart and kissed him after taking his face in her hands. Feeling his lips on hers after so long felt amazing, she wasn’t sure how she could describe it. Maybe like when you taste chocolate again after months of being on a strict diet. 

The kiss made them both remember what they had been missing on, this past week. Not that they weren’t already aware of that but sometimes the routine could make you take things for granted. Before that day at the beach, y/n didn’t realize how much she mindlessly counted on their kisses. As a greeting, as a way to say thank you, as a way to initiate something more. It was natural, almost obvious. Until it wasn’t there anymore and it felt like she had lost an arm.

As the initial shock left Alfie’s body, the kiss grew more desperate for both of them. His hands immediately went to her body, holding her close, afraid that if he let her go she would fade away. Their hands caressed and gripped even when the kiss came to a natural end. Even then, they didn’t pull apart. Their lips brushed again each other as they breathed heavily, their foreheads and noses touching. They had been apart for too long that now they couldn’t physically allow the other to be even one foot away from them.

And just like that, Karen was pushed out of their minds. There was only their other half in this moment. It was a matter of priorities. Their breath settled down and they found that neither of them could stop smiling. 

“So,” Alfie started quietly clearing his voice, “this means we’re good?”

“So you were really saying the truth all those times you said you didn’t mind them?” Maybe it was stupid but she asked just to be sure. He knew what she was referring to.

“I never cared for ‘em, love.” He promised, gently rubbing their noses together making her smile. Having received the answer she needed, she nodded to reply to his previous question. 

“Say it. I need to hear you say it.” He insisted.

“I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, mate.” And she complied. Grinning like a fool, Alfie couldn’t restrain himself anymore. He attacked her lips like a famished man. He just wanted to get lost in her. They had to make up for the lost time after all.

[finewalls]

Hello yall! Okay so since 2018 wasn’t the best year for me, it did in fact suck a lot, I wanted to thank the people who actually made it so much better just by posting pics or shitposts on tumblr, for screaming with me about larry and spearing love.. you guys honestly don’t know how much better my life is because of yall.  🤙

This is probaby gonna be sappy but here we go..

I actually joined tumblr fandom this year made this specific blog only in July. (Why the fuck didn’t I join tumblr sooner?? Can you believe I used to be in ig fandom ew). Anyway, best decision ever since I actually got to interact with so many amazing people and I want to thank you all!!  ♡

(I was gonna make a ‘keep reading’ link here but tumblr is being dumb and it’s not working so you all need to scroll through this whole post I’m sorry)

First thanks goes to my very first mutal I made made with this blog: @harry20gayteen thank you for listening to my love life problems and friendship drama and answering my random asks. Seeing you on my dash always makes me smile and the way you key smash in your tags always lifts my mood. You truly are a ray of sunshine!  💖💛💜

Thank you Jordan for screaming at my edits @rbbsbb you make me want to create more bc of your enthusiasm!! Also keep on writing I live for it. You can still have my limbs if you need them..  ❣️❣️

Thank you @summerbutterflies for helping me find and actually sending me that one fic that was deleted and being so sweet all the time! Wish we could talk more!!  💗

Big thank you for @alwaysxyou bc you helped me come out to my parents. I asked for your advice on anon bc I’m a pussy, but now I really want to thank you for the courage you gave me!!  🌈  ♡ ♡

Then thank you to my cowboys for letting me scream in the gc: @lezzielarrie @greeneyedlarrie @osteoporosisharry @creamcoffeelou @rbbsbb

You lot honestly don’t know how much better you make my days just by saying hdghfg in the chat every now and then  🤠❣️❣️

Thank you @domestic-harry for jands? and giving me a place to scream about fics and other stuff with @sugarbbharry @crinkle-eyed-boo @bluegrassdirection @aimhstylinson @coffeelouis @ifiwerefearless @greeneyedlarrie @genderblinditemlives @emcd2 @alliwantsomuch @hazzardstyles @akingbesideyou @dancingwiththedaffodilss @lou-is-stilltheone @maryhavo @flamboyantdaddy @glitterguccistyles 

I love you all!! Thank you for all the fic recs and cat pics!  😻😻💛

Big big thank you to all of the yana gc!! Yall are my safe place and I feel so blessed to be part of that.. Letting me vent and spearing so much love all around makes me so soft every time so thank you: @truly-madly-larrie @hazzaskilt @harrynostril @theyvcuddle @hlstagram @ivegottomakeanimpressiondarling @shpevrythng @sassysunandmoon @lacuerdaplanetaria @harrysnowwhitestyles @sparklehiddies @inspiredbylouis @jennwfm @babypeachlt heart eyes all around!  💕💕💕

Then I have mutals that I haven’t really talked with much but every time I see them in my notes or just in my dash I just smile. Like you have no idea how much better you are making my life even though you don’t really know me at all. Everyone here is so nice and I love the community I’m part of here so thank you for making amazing posts and brightening my day: @louisfreckles @lgbtqialiam @cuddlesftkissy @cloudshl @tomlinsontbh @curlyhairedprince @treatpeoplewiithkiindness @peaceflagharry @ot5stan @alwaysxyou   💙💚 💙💚

There’s probably a million more to thank and I’m sorry if I forgot someone (I’m speed posting cuz this year is almost over or it is already over in like Australia and yeah sorry fhgj)

Also I need to thank Louis, Harry, Niall, Liam and Zayn because with out them I wouldn’t have found these people and tbh I probably wouldn’t even still be here doing this post. These guys saved my life.  ��

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!! LOVE ALL AROUND!!

Here’s to 2019, may it be the best to all!

(I forgot to thank my sister @shinecloudi I do love you and you are the best)

[junycng]

junyong (and inx) appreciation post.

hello it’s that time of the month again where I get sad about inx and junyong, so here I am.

also tw for company abuse. it’s not super detailed but. yk

oof okay so as most of you probably know, junyong debuted in the group INX in august, 2016, with the single ‘alright’. the song was amazing and it actually got a good amount of attention for a new boy group under a totally unknown company.

but their super crappy, horrible, disgusting (ect, ect) company had them promote mostly in japan and taiwan instead of korea. and with about 8 months between their debut and their first comeback, they lost their momentum and many people forgot about them.

i remember when people were mad that blackpink only had 4 (or 5?) songs at the time while every other rookie group had way more, but all i could think about was how inx debuted a few days before them, yet they only had 3 songs ://

also when monsta x got a new logo, it was similar to inx’s logo and whenever I saw it i got excited thinking inx was finally posting something but jahbdjhhj it never was

anywho then they went from posting basically every single day on social media to not posting on their group accounts for months in july ‘17. they(except sangho) did, however, make personal instagrams around the same time they stopped posting on the inx accounts. and then around late november ‘17, jiwoong announced during an instagram live that the inx members have now all gone their separate ways and inx was no longer together.

the company couldn’t even give them a proper disbandment :-)

then june this year, it was revealed that the inx members had sued and won against the company. what they had to go through was absolutely horrible, you can read the full thing here. but basically the company verbally abused them and was constantly threatening them. the members themselves had to pay for everything (practice room rental, hair, makeup, food, household items) despite the company never paying them the money they earned through their activities. they were never accompanied by staff in overseas promotions so they had to do everything themselves and often had to deal with sexual harassment. 

but despite all of that, they were always smiling for the fans and trying to make the best out of their situation. they still all follow each other on instagram (again, except sangho because he never made an instagram as far as i’m aware). and obviously junyong doesn’t really go on ig anymore. but they all continued to like and comment on each other’s posts. two of the inx members, jiwoong(jinam) and jaeun(win) went to noir’s debut showcase. 

right now, jiwoong is in the group A-TEEN under the stage name KING

and jaeun will be debuting in the group ARGON

i’ll make posts about both of those groups soon!!

bonkuk enlisted to complete his mandatory military time. and i don’t know what sangho’s doing, but i hope he’s happy and well :(

and back to junyong: (okay im really bad at putting my thoughts into words please excuse) despite what he experienced while in inx, he continued his dream of being an idol ♡ i’m so glad he was able to break his contract and join noir. he seems genuinely happy with the boys and hopefully luk factory is treating them all much better.

you can tell that junyong really enjoys singing and performing. (pleasssse let him perform on masked singer!!!) and he continues to be his dorky self, smiling and always making others laugh, but also caring and kind. he’s such a strong person :(

and i really, really hope one day (preferably sooner lol) noir will make it big and be very successful. they really deserve it

okay lol sad inx hours are over. i’m just really glad they got out of that situation and are leading happier lives. a-and maybe please support A-TEEN and ARGON

[crackedmultifandom]

do not misquote him, the article said "a guy who suffers and afraid of who he might be. i hope this is a TOPIC that people can empathize with" - topic being internalized homophobia if you look at the sentence before.

i'm not putting words in your mouth. i say sa victims wasn't mentioned in the first place and for it to be now mentioned in a tweet he liked doesn't make sense.

asking for an explanation is okay and i don't blame any of you, acting as if he's OBLIGATED to address something people misread is not okay and that is what that tweet was saying and what i THINK joe was agreeing to

no one knows why joe blocked anyone, there were countless people asking for an explanation why would he choose to block 1 or 2? especially since it's now revealed that those persons have been harassing bash for a long time

“labelling them as sa apologists” okay to be fair you didn't. people have, but yeah you didn't my apologies

also i'm the last person to come on here and defend cis white male celebs - i barely care about them, outside of the show. but i have to be reasonable here and say people should really look at the situation and realise it's not what it's being made out to be.

i apologise for misquoting him. but still, it doesn’t change anything. internalised homophobia be damned, i will NEVER empathise with a abuser because he has internalised homophobia. a lot of us had dealt with that before. that doesn’t excuse ANYTHING. we didn’t ab€use and sa people. for the part where you talk about joe blocking people, pls read my other reply’s, i don’t feel like repeating myself over and over again.

nah, he’s not obligated. but with it’s such a sensitive topic? idk, that shouldn’t be a question if he should clarify it or not. any pr team would’ve immediately, made him post a statement. i mean, this interview got so falsely translated that people actually thought that he’s trying to excuse ben’s behaviour. it’s actually surprising that he didn’t address it sooner.

like i said, the tweet implied that we overreacted, that bash has to be “the bigger man” i mean? that sounds VERY weird. i don’t even understand why joe felt the need to like that tweet. bash clarified it, some people were ready to move on. it only complicated things further. (not to mention some other things bash said in that interview that were really weird. “In the books not much emerges of my role and I enjoyed filling in these blanks, analyzing the character and reflecting on his story in the parts we don't see.”) ????? huh ???? filling in these blanks for a abuser??? he forgot about solitaire ig.

[dreamin-of-somewhere-else]

A Day in the Life

Characters: John, oldest Winchester sister!reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester.

Words: 2000

Warnings: A teeny tiny bit of blood, a little bit of a language (probably just one word or something), a little bit of fluff. Nothing bad at all in this one.

A/N: So I was debating whether or not to post it since it’s a bit similar to stuff I’ve written lately, but then again, I felt like I needed to post something, and some of you even seemed to want me to post it <3 

Have you seen Shameless? I’ve only seen a handful of episodes (started watching the other day) and this is a little bit inspired by Fiona taking care of the other siblings. I think it’s cute, so yeah, just a fun fact I guess. Also, this is pre-series (my favorite thing to write) and pretty much focused on the reader and her life.

So yeah, hopefully this is okay for now and I’ll try to vary the fics more until next 

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You looked down at the fresh fake IDs you just made for you and your dad, pictures of the two of you staring back at you as you thumbed through the thin stack. Reaching the Impala, you opened the door, and sat down, stuffing them into the glove compartment for now. You would need them for the investigation you were continuing tomorrow, going undercover.

Nowadays, you and your dad split up for the most part of the cases, during basically all of the research. It was fine, you were young — 21 years of age — but still good at your job. You did have quite a lot of experience contrary popular belief, judging by your youthful appearance. Since you graduated, this was what you did 24 hours around the clock, hunting was the only thing that made up your life. That, and taking care of your baby brothers, of course.

Money always had been a bit of a problem, to you more noticeable than ever since you now had the main responsibility to make sure you had it. John had basically passed it over to you, gradually over many years. For the most part, you tried to do it legally. Working a few shifts at a diner or a bar was the usual — it was surprisingly easy to get a job if you just dressed up in your nicest clothes (or in other words, the one outfit you had saved for that very purpose) and smiled a lot. They didn’t know that you would quit in less than three weeks in most cases, because you just didn’t tell them.

But, despite that, it wasn’t enough. You were four people after all, with two still going to school, and the few shifts you had the time to work (hunting was to blame for the lack of time) weren’t enough to pay for everything. So, credit card fraud and other stuff like that had always been in the picture. And although it was John who handled that, you could tell he was planning to drop that task on you too sooner or later.

Starting the car and looking down at your wristwatch (probably your most expensive possession) you cursed out loud, even though it was only you there to hear.

”Shit!”

You were supposed to pick up your brothers, like, ten minutes ago. The cheapest motel of the small town were located a bit too far for walking distance from the school, so you were driving them every morning and afternoon.

With guilt growing in your stomach, you stepped on the gas to get to the high school where Sam, a freshman, and Dean, a senior, currently went.

Five minutes later you arrived at the school building, pulling up into the now empty parking lot. They both walked towards to the black, sleek, car once it had come to a stop, climbing into it.

”Guys, I’m so, so, sorry.” You apologized with a guilty expression on your face, flashing a tiny remorseful smile on your face that never reached your eyes. ”I lost track of time,” you lied because the truth was that you had had too much to do today.

You looked from Dean besides you in the front seat, to Sam in the back.

”It’s okay,” Dean responded, and that was it.

Sam just looked tired and the rest of the car ride was quiet.

The next morning you woke up along with your little brothers, just like you always did, despite the fact that you don’t have any particular place to be any certain time. But, you helped them get ready, just like you’d always done. Dean sometimes complained quietly at you running around and fixing things for him, practically being a mother hen, but then again, he hadn’t straight out asked you to stop.

This specific motel had the luxury of a mini fridge to put some food in, so you had made them sandwiches to bring to school during the latest week you had been spending here, while they shower, brush their teeth and what not. Today, it didn’t take you long to realize that there weren’t any bread left — you forgot to buy it yesterday — which meant that that lunch plan went down the drain.

You quickly strode over from the minuscule kitchen to your oversized denim jacket that was thrown over the backrest of a chair. Rummaging through the pockets, you brought out the last money you had since your latest payment from the diner you were currently working on, and handled the crumpled dollar bills to Sam and Dean, placing half and half in each of their outstretched hands.

”Don’t you need that, (Y/N)?” Sam asked as he looked up from the cash in his hand and at you, frowning.

You shrugged as you ushered them through the door and to the car.

”Nah, I have a few more left.” It was obviously a lie, but you could always call your dad and have lunch with him today, or ask him for a few bucks to pay for your own.

Although, he never did answer your phone calls.

That day you talked to the old, divorced, Mrs Colton at the end of the street from where the body was found. She was supposedly always watching everything that goes on outside of her very ordinary house, and you hoped that she had seen anything — something that didn’t quite make sense, something that wasn’t supposed to be real. She didn’t have much to offer though, and except of talking about sightings of what goes bump in the night, you ended up having a quite long conversation about her red tabby cat once named Catshup but re-named Susan after her kids moved out.

One hour later you thanked Mrs Colton, and left her home behind. Your next stop was the victim’s house further down the street and on the way there you grabbed a duffle bag with tools from the Impala. It was in the middle of the day, and nobody seemed to be home in the closest houses — except for the woman you just visited — but you kept out of the areas she could see from her freakishly clean windows.

Opening the worn duffle bag and pulling out your lock pick, you looked around yourself. It was one of those chilly autumn days where everything was just kind of grey. A flock of birds lifted from a close by tree, and your eyes shot in that direction but there was no one there. The coast seemed to be clear.

20 minutes later, you walked out of the house, sighing and not knowing any more about what had happened to the poor guy. You had checked for EMF — but there was nothing. Not even a trace. No sulfur, and no strange claw marks either.

Soon after you reached the Impala and yawned as you sat down inside. Maybe you stayed up researching a little bit too late last night. Meanwhile, hunger was gnawing at your insides from the lack of lunch.

You pulled up a note from your pocket where you had a handful of names scribbled down. They were all friends of the victim who you were planning to talk to as well. You doubted you’d have time to interview them all before you had to drive to the diner to work today’s two hour shift. And then, after that, you had to pick up your brothers at school. On time this time.

John was a bit annoyed when you told him that you didn’t really find anything new, groundbreaking today. Fortunately, he didn’t share the same bad luck.

Turned out it was a shapeshifter. A monster who took the shape of a human, and that’s why no one suspected anything supernatural. So, John sent you out to the car to go and get all the silver bullets you had, and then you loaded your guns.

After persuading your father to not bring Sam and Dean — he wanted to at first and if Dean would’ve known, he would have wanted to as well — you left just you two to kill the damned shapeshifter.

Four hours later, just after midnight, John stumbled into the motel room, your arm wrapped around his shoulders as your head hung low. He was helping you walk, with most of your weight on him.

Sam and Dean, who were doing homework and watching TV respectively, stared at you both and when they saw that the white t-shirt you were wearing had a dark red stain, they practically flew off their beds, rushing up to you.

”Shit, what happened?” Dean questioned, looking up at John with wide green eyes.

As he and Sam waited for your dad to answer, they took your weight off him and carried you to the closest bed. Sam then went to go and get the first aid kit.

”It’s not that bad,” John responded finally, as he shrugged off his dirty jacket, throwing it at the floor.  

Either he hadn’t noticed or he didn’t care that you had taken time in your day to clean up the messy motel room a bit, clearing the floor.

Dean settled you down before glaring at his dad. He neither believed him or was happy. You looked dazed and tired, and for John to just shrug it off like it was nothing made Dean angry. He bit down on his lip, not wanting to start an argument with his father.

”It’s… not that bad…” you told him, agreeing with John, but your words were sluggish and Dean had to concentrate to hear what you were saying.

He placed his hands on your cheeks, and his thumbs under your eyebrows. When he gently lifted them, your eyes automatically opened wider. Simultaneously, Sam came back with a flashlight and shone it into them. You shrugged back, but them both had the time to see the unevenness in your pupils.

”Concussion,” Sam and Dean both mumbled at the same time, looking at each other.

Then Sam gently lifted your shirt a little bit, to check on the injury. It’s not that bad thankfully, but it did need some stitches. Dean brought out the needle and thread which meant it was Sam’s job to distract you.

”I’m tired,” you groaned, and tried to lie down. Your mind was all fuzzy, and the only thing you knew was that you wanted to sleep.

”No, no, no, (Y/N),” Sam grabbed a hold of your wrists and pulled you upwards, Dean supporting him and you by putting a hand on your back while holding the needle in his other.

”But I’ve had a loooong day,” you pouted, shoulders sagging down even more.

”Yeah, I know sis, but you gotta sit still a little longer,” Sam coaxed you, rubbing your shoulder.

You looked deep into his hazel eyes. He was 14, you 21, and you were the one that acted like a baby. And even though you practically ran the household and took care of him ever other hour of your life, you still felt guilty.

But you were too confused and tired to do anything about it.

You reached up a slack hand and placed it on his cheek. ”You cute,” you smiled.

Later that night, when John had headed out as usual, you, Sam and Dean all sat on one of the beds, curled up closely without thinking of it. You were watching some random 80s movie on the small motel room TV that probably originated from the very same decade.

”Thank you for taking care of us,” Dean mumbled to you sometime after Sam had fallen asleep, head resting against your shoulder. ”I mean, you work your ass off, and we appreciate it. We really do. Thanks.”

”’S no problem,” you grinned softly in return through the darkness, the moving scenes on the TV lighting up your face a little bit. ”My pleasure.”

Dean grinned back at you, before turning his head towards the TV again, before whispering one last thing. ”Yeah, you say so.”

Tags: @winchesters-favorite-girl​ @straightasdeanwinchester​ @27bmm​ @evyiione​ @samanddeanshotsis​ @darkestgrungeuniverse @fabulouslycassie​ @delessapeace-blog @mariairwin666​ @1amluke​ @saveprettydays @cookee50 @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @infamati–et–obliterati @stillcooli0 @sammysbeanie @ocean-calls-me @deepbreathssammy @extreme-supernatural-lover @mogaruke @winchestersmut @i-kdog-posts @steve-rogcrs @wordshowers @jjsoccer11 @ivebeenraisedfromperdition @bluecookiesandbooks @disappointeddinosaur @nicolevanderstar @frayedphan @jared-jensen-misha-are-lovelyy @straightestgay-voice @legend-o-zelda @holysheeppanda @mynameisdesolation @to-stars-and-back @forevershadeddark @stonergirl4life95 @wxnchestervevo @captainemwinchester @rosie-winchester @justanotherwinchester @violinmyhead @magical-cas @quackerstheduck663057 @falloutofmymemez @messy-buns-and-shotguns @assbutt-still-in-hell @phonegalhelp @lemonadegazeelle @stilesneedsprotection @mcallmestiles @wishedworld @catstielanddeanthedog @foe-throughthetrees 

If you want on or off the taglist(s), just send me an ask! If you change your url and still want to be tagged, please tell me! It’s REALLY hard to keep track of.

I’ve also crossed out the urls that I can’t tag for some reason. I don’t know why, if they deleted their accounts, if they switched urls, or if it just doesn’t work. If you happen to see your old url here, you would be doing me a HUGE favor by telling me that you’ve changed it.

[rhoewrites]

a thought everyday since you left.

legends:  DAY N - grieving/moving on DAY N - getting better/trying to be better DAY N - moved on and/or healing

DAY 1

You told me you’ll never be like them, but you turned out to be just like everybody else. 

DAY 2

Did you let me go because you didn’t love me enough to stay?

DAY 3

I’d give anything to have you back and for you to love me like how you used to.

DAY 4

Are you coming back? Do I wait for you?

DAY 5

Too many thoughts and questions that I can’t put into words.

DAY 6

Do you cry yourself to sleep too?

DAY 7

I loved every single inch of your body and soul yet you still left.

DAY 8

Barely holding on to life because the one thing I’m looking forward to left.

DAY 9

What do I have to do to be enough for you?

 DAY 10

Realized that the next time I see you, you aren’t mine anymore. 

DAY 11

Why do you act like you still care about me in that way when you’re the one who left? 

DAY 12

You told me you’ll always pick me, every hour, every minute, and every second of every day, I was never informed it had a deadline.

DAY 13

I’ll miss the feeling of your lips in mine, with nothing in mind but love.

DAY 14

I miss you.

DAY 15

Your world only lost its colors, mine lost everything.

DAY 16

I hope you’re doing fine, but I also hope you’re as miserable as me.

 DAY 17

I wonder if you still love me. Maybe not. 

DAY 18

I’m tired of being sad but what can I do about it?

DAY 19

Sulking and sulking, while you’re getting better. Sucks to be me.

DAY 20

Everything hurts at this point and I really can’t do anything about it.

DAY 21

Please come back, I can’t take this anymore. Love me again, just like before.

DAY 23

I need distractions, I need you out of my head.

DAY 24

I keep dreaming of you and it sucks. You already left, can you leave my head and heart too?

DAY 25

I wrote a song about you, a song you’ll never hear, of course.

DAY 26

Am I even making progress?

DAY 27

I miss the way you look at me, full of love, full of admiration, will you ever look at me the same way?

DAY 28

I love you more than anything, that will never change.

DAY 29

I miss your random I love you’s, I really took them for granted, huh?

DAY 30

I need to be better, I need to move on too, like you already did.

DAY 31

I made a move, I gave myself the biggest distraction I could give myself, I hope it works out.

DAY 32

It’s been a month, huh? I wonder if you already moved on.

DAY 33

I don’t honestly if I’ll be able to move on, maybe soon enough, I will, but I think my love will continue even without you here now

DAY 34

You told me things you hate about me, you said you hate me. Even if you said it’s just the slightest, it really hurt me.

DAY 35

You’re really good at hurting me, maybe you can add it as a professional skill of yours.

DAY 36

I wish I could turn back time and make myself less of a bother back then, or maybe turn back to the time of not meeting you at all. 

DAY 37

It hurts so much, listening to Harry Styles reminds me of you and I hate it. You made the most beautiful of songs sound painful.

DAY 38

I hope you’re finally happy.

DAY 39

The moment I think I’m doing okay after some time of sulking you HAVE to show up again and make me lose my progress. AGAIN. Why won’t you let me recover?

DAY 40

You are confusing, do you care or you just don’t want to see me happy?

DAY 41

I hate that I can hate you in the morning but still love you wholeheartedly at the end of the day.

DAY 42

You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. Repeat until true.

DAY 43

We could’ve been 8 months now, but we didn’t make it.

DAY 44

I hope I can just quickly forget you like how fast you dropped me.

DAY 45

I hate that I’m still not over you, and you’re even pushing me to others now just clearly shows you’re over me.

DAY 46

I wonder how you’re doing, your mind, your heart, your emotions, are they okay?  Are you okay?

DAY 47

It’s been so hard today. When will this pain stop?

DAY 48

Every day’s the same. It’s so tiring, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

DAY 49

Heard you’re already talking and getting attached to someone new, fuck you and fuck her. It’s so unfair.

DAY 50

I blocked you, please let me heal. Enough with the pain, I have to heal, I have to grow, I have to be okay. For my sake.

DAY 51

I’m trying to be better, trying to be more involved in creating stuff or writing, this works.

DAY 52

I was doing fine in the morning but it really hits hard at 4 am, I miss you, so bad. If only you knew.

DAY 53

Feeling a little better today, but I can’t deny that I miss you, and I know you don’t and it sucks.

DAY 54

You went private. I can’t stalk you anymore, maybe it really begins now.

DAY 55

I’m the biggest clown I know, I can’t believe I still love you after all.

DAY 56

Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget, everything we’ve ever had? Did you forget about me?

DAY 57

Sometimes I’m feeling better, sometimes I don’t, but it’s okay. It’s a progress, my progress. I’ll be fine too, one day.

DAY 58

I deleted most of our pictures on IG, you know how hard it is for a memory hoarder like me but I need to stop romanticizing the pain, I need to let you go.

DAY 59

I burned the roses, along with some of the love I still have with you. You already let me go, and I should too.

DAY 60

I tried to look back on our chats post break up, we did talk a lot, maybe that’s why it’s hard now, it’s just about to sink in real deep.

DAY 61

I feel a little bit better today, I hope it continues.

DAY 62

There are really some days that I just break down, this is one of those days.

DAY 63

I don’t feel the need of stalking you and her anymore, and honestly it feels great.

DAY 64

There are sad moments, but it doesn’t take a whole day for me now, and I think that’s progress.

DAY 65

I’ve deleted the videos on YouTube, it was a lot. I left 6 of them, for the sake of memories. For the sake of remembering the good times when I finally heal.

DAY 66

I keep burning pictures when I’m reminded of you, and let me tell you, shits therapeutic.

DAY 67

I’m proud to say that I’m doing better, I’m happy I’m learning to let go.

DAY 68

I love you and I miss you, but I also do not want you back.

 DAY 69

I’m outgrowing you, and honestly it feels good. I’m not mad at you anymore, you’re just a beautiful part of my history, my memory.

DAY 70

I tried adding and following you again, but it seems like you ignored me, I don’t really mind if you really want me out of your life now.

DAY 71

You appeared in my dreams though, like everything’s back to before, but I also know it will be just a dream.

DAY 72

Thursday, 11 days before I become an adult. It sure feels good to be better every day, without anybody’s help.

DAY 73

Letting go is hard, but once you’ve started it, it just gets better and better from there.

DAY 74

You still pop up in my mind before I drift to sleep and the moment I wake up, but looking back, I don’t feel as heavy as before.

DAY 75

You can really do something if you really set your mind to it, and telling myself to actually let go of you is hard, but it sure feels great.

DAY 76

Realizations hit you hard when you’re no longer in love, all the bad things I’ve done, all the bad things you’ve done, I guess we were really on the same page.

DAY 77

Something is still bothering me, I have to do something, I think that will really help me drop you off and get on with my own life.

DAY 78

I apologized to you, no hidden messages, no reading between the lines. Full transparency. I’ve kept my promise to be honest and true up to that last letter.

DAY 79

So that’s what’s keeping me in the pit, that’s what is pulling me down; my guilt. Now that I have apologized, I feel free. A prisoner in her own cell found the key and freed herself.

DAY 80

From a thought about you every day to listing out my progress, I think that’s growth.

DAY 81

Loving you was amazing, I’d tell you that, but loving me is marvelous.

DAY 82

I’ve never been this happy for a long time. It feels unbelievable. I thought I can never be happy without you but I forgot there’s a lot of people who love me, having myself and them is more than enough.

DAY 83

Less of those down days, I’m completely getting better, and I just love it.

DAY 84

I miss you, but not the person I once loved romantically, but the best friend that I had.

DAY 85

I missed being young, I miss not giving a fuck about anything because I’m just a kid, nobody can ever make me feel that way but One Direction.

DAY 86

I had flashbacks today. Folklore is just THAT album. It reminded me of you, of myself, in so many ways I can’t describe. I think I’m going to have a relapse.

DAY 87

I can’t stop listening to Folklore even if it hurts, but at the same time it’s also nostalgic to listen to. She fully described the emotions and thoughts of the person I was on day one.

DAY 88

You cross my mind sometimes, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

DAY 89

Friendship breakups are hard, but if I got over you for leaving me, I’ll move on for losing my best friend too.

DAY 90

It feels surreal sometimes that I went through a lot for the past 90 days, but I’m really glad that I did. It just proves nothing really lasts forever, even your pain and sufferings.

DAY 91

I miss my old enthusiastic self, but I’ll get her back. I’ll find her again.

DAY 92

Did a list of to dos and don’ts, I’ll live up to it.

DAY 93

I’m loving myself, a little by little, every day.

DAY 94

Just realizing the things I wish I realized sooner, and maybe I could’ve saved both me and you some time.

DAY 95

Surprisingly, I’m content with being alone now.

DAY 96

You are still important to me, I’m not gonna lie, but I don’t love you that way anymore. You’re just a dear friend to me and a beautiful part of my past that I’ll surely never forget. Remembering you doesn’t bring me pain anymore.

DAY 97

Hearing news of you being not who you used to be, changing into a bad version of yourself. I know before I also bad mouthed you publicly, but that was because I was hurt, now that you’re doing it, is it because you’re in pain right now?

DAY 98

I can get mad at you for acting the way you are right now but I can never hate you. 

DAY 99

I’d fall in love over and over again to the version of you that I first met, but you’re a completely different person now, that’s not you anymore. I don’t love you anymore.

DAY 100

Hey, I made it. Just months ago I thought I wouldn’t but here I am, standing strong today.

DAY 101

I can’t deal with the news I keep hearing about you, I really want to help you but I can’t do that now, since I’m not a part of your life anymore. I’ll leave the job to experience, I guess.

DAY 102

I’m going to finally cut you off too, I hope you’ll realize things and grow out of your bad habits like I did. If this life would be kind and reconnect us some time in the future, that would be great, too. I hope you really find that inner peace now.

DAY 103

I blocked you everywhere. I don’t want to associate myself with you anymore, maybe not right now. See you when I see you, I guess.

DAY 104

You cross my mind every once in a while but I think that’s normal, because I once loved you more than anything and anyone else, and I never lied when I said you’ll always have a special place in my heart, and even I say I don’t, a part of me will still care about you. I hope you completely heal soon, I hope we both will.

DAY 105

Thank you for everything, for the smiles, the joyful days, even for the tears and the sorrowful days. Thank you for being a part of my growth. 

I’ve learned that someone could be the whole song for you but you're just a line on a song for them. 

 I’m ending it all here.

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I also shared this post on the IG subreddit but I thought I should also post it here as many of the small business owners are now trying to target their customers using Instagram.NOTE: If you are not interested in my past experience you can skip everything to "Now, 2019".As a short background story of myself, I've been growing IG pages since 2016 and since then I've literally tried all the well known methods for organic growth in various niches including fitness, outdoor, sports and luxury lifestyle.Past ExperienceIf I have to pin each method following a chronological order I would say 2016 to 2nd half of 2017 I got the best results from buying shoutouts from 60k to 100k followers pages with at least 3% engagement rate. I used to spend $15 to $70 for a shoutout which was giving me 800 to almost 3000 active followers. Very important to say I was only buying shoutouts from accounts which were in my niche.In 2017 I've also discovered and tested the follow/unfollow method which took a lot of time and brought very poor results as I was doing everything manually, following 300-500 users each day and I was hardly getting back 50 followers, but this could have been because of the small niche.In 2018 I found out about the GMT and Jarvee which are two of the best follow/unfollow automation tools. For the IG they both offer the same things, but Jarvee offers automation for almost all the social media platforms.After playing for few weeks with the settings of these bots, I was running 3 pages using them and got some amazing result and the cost was somewhere near $50/month so way cheaper compared to buying shoutouts and more efficient.I can't remember the exact setting I was using but I remember I was getting like 2k-3k each week which was amazing.Most of the IG management/growth service providers are using these bots and they will charge business owners $500 to 2k each moth for this so if you want to try this you will save some serious $$$ by doing it by yourself.Due to constant changes to the IG algorithm, I got 1 account shadow-banned for few months and many small action blocks to the other accounts so at the end of 2018 I stopped using the follow/unfollow methods and the bots.Now, 2019In 2019 there were again many changes to the IG algorithm and I completely forgot about all these methods. It's also harder to grow as IG is now showing your posts to a limited number of your followers. However I'm still trying to grow some pages and I've discovered and tested a few tips and tricks. Here's a list of them which work well for me:- Hashtags: The ultimate goal of a post is to reach the top of the explore page and this is why you have to use hashtags. I'm using anywhere from 15 to 25 hashtags for each post and I do a manual research on the hashtags depending on the content and the size of the page.For example the page is small, the goal is to find less popular hashtags but strictly related to your content/niche. If you are using generic hashtags like #follow4follow #follow #instagram... you won't be reaching the right audience and you will be damaging your account by raising red flags to your account.! Don't use the same hashtags over and over again as there is a huge chance to get shadow-banned.- Follow people: You want to follow the huge accounts in your niche. By doing this you will be showing instagram that you are interested in a specific niche/content and that you are also part of that niche so your account is more likely to get recommended to other people with same interests.This has to be related to the next tip.- Engage: After following a big account from your niche you also want to turn on the post notifications to be able to leave a comment as soon as they post something. This is similar to Reddit. The sooner you post a relevant comment the bigger the chance to become an upvoted(liked) comment and most of the time people will be curious to know who you are.You should only leave post-relevant comments and no spam at all.! Like your post's comments. You will show instagram that your content has positive-rated comments and they will be more likely to recommend it to more people.- Remove Followers: From time to time you should do some random checks on your followers and see if they engage with your posts or stories. You want to remove the "dead" followers by blocking & unblocking them because as I've previously mentioned, IG shows your post in real time to a limited number of your followers and you want all of them to be active followers who engage with your content.The first results won't be there after the first few weeks but slowly you'll start getting traction and you'll basically show IG that your account has organic actions, engagement and followers and appreciated content and they will start recommending it to more and more people.I really hope these will help you on a long-term journey and I'd love to hear what are your thoughts or if you'd like to add anything to the list.