#forever active ha dosage

[lieutenant-pride]

i kinda wanna rant about agatha all along

for better or for worse i looked in the general direction of an mcu property again and spoiler alert, it's mostly for the better

really i just wanna blurb about it and why i think it's a standout in the mcu catalog, and why i feel i'm enjoying it compared to all the other work i've seen in the mcu - and some work outside of it, to an extent!

(ACTUAL spoiler alert for under the blurb for guardians vol 3, multiverse of madness, wakanda forever, deadpool and wolverine, and - of course - agatha all along)

the preface: my history watching stuff with any attachment to the mcu involves quite a few of the mainline movies that were released leading up to avengers infinity war and endgame. back then, i had much less of a problem with the writing decisions made within the work because i really was just looking for popcorn films out of these - and to be fair, i can't take shots at others who want that now, either! some of my favorite films predating infinity war were thor ragnarok and black panther

after endgame, i kinda fell off the bandwagon and didn't really want to indulge many of the series actively from that point on, though i didn't really pinpoint why for a bit after that. i didn't engage with any of the tv shows in phase 4, aside from seeing clip shows of wandavision and what if here and there. what sort of helped shape why i was losing interest in the mcu and its style of writing - and works that ended up shaped by that style of writing inside and outside of disney's reach - was watching the four post-endgame films i had any passing interest to see: guardians vol. 3, multiverse of madness, deadpool and wolverine, and wakanda forever. each of these illustrated my issues with previous films clearer than before, in different ways.

Guardians Vol. 3 is a film that was heavily hindered by the past films' comedy chops hamstringing the serious character story for rocket raccoon. much as i wanted to invest in this heartfelt story they were putting together for him, it IS a guardians of the galaxy film, so how can it hold water if it's all serious all the time? it led to a tonal dissonance, especially with the usual irony sprinkled into that humour that you see in a lot of films within the mcu? much as it tried to bring me in, it still actively pushed me out

Multiverse of Madness has a worldbuilding issue in what it allows its villain to do and when: Wanda in this film - namely during her Dreamwalking moments - can just do straight up anything she wants, as long as it makes her a horror film level threat to the heroes. this, unfortunately, leads you to ask, with alarming frequency: "Okay, if she can do X, then why doesn't she do X again now, instead of Y?" this is also combined with the fact that the rules of her magic only get the slightest hint of boundaries during this film. sure, we can say it's the darkhold empowering her the whole time, but if this book allows her to do so much, why does she go through the catalog of spells and pick a new one with each situation, when some of those spells could work alarmingly well for her in later scenarios?

Deadpool and Wolverine was a lot of fun - in isolation. unfortunately, what it also did was paint in bright-ass colours what's a big problem with all the films actively a part of the MCU, by upping the dosage to 11: irony poisoning. this film wants nothing more than to look at old comics and pop culture and old flops and behind-the-scenes info about movies that fell flat, then turns to you and goes like "hey remember this thing? you like these fun jokes and characters? you like these memes? see how these things don't wanna be comics but we do?" it's a film that is very deeply tongue-in-cheek. and hey! that's fun, to some degree. it's just when you realize it's an SNL skit stretched out to feature film length that you kinda have to look at it - and other ryan reynolds work, after a bit - and kind of wonder if he wants to make anything new that's not busting open the fourth wall at every opportunity.

Wakanda Forever is the outlier here. where the others illustrate my frustrations, wakanda forever gave me a glimpse of something i wanted to see more of: a story that wanted to tell itself to you, that didn't want to hamper itself down with the same saturation of jokes that others in the MCU have. this was a film that wanted to put - front and center - a story about a brilliant and powerful woman grieving her paradoxical lack of power to save the ones she loves, and her struggles with grief as revenge begins to cloud her vision. the usual chops and attempts at levity are still there, but perhaps because there's less of them and they're timed better, there's more room for the real story to breathe, and for us to really focus on that struggle Shuri goes through. i finished watching this film and actually liked it quite a bit compared to the rest!

so yeah, by this point, i was much clearer on what i wasn't loving about the mcu: it's the damn irony poisoning and - as a friend of mine once put it - they're films that make all the actual fights about who "has the more powerful blue". the mcu films largely aren't willing to invest enough time in themselves to properly set up the stakes, and have those characters acknowledge them as they move forward, instead focused more on spectacle and quick quips.

now, that does make for fun popcorn movies, sure, but after getting a hypersaturation of that, i kind of wanted more from it? if i was getting a world of magic or sci-fi or superpowers, i wanted more than just a vague gesture at how powerful each of these things were, i wanted them to actually set up stakes and lay out clearly and consistently what made the villain a threat - and treat them like one consistently! and if the villain isn't the big issue, then i wanted to see what really was: the internal conflict was something i wanted more of, as well. i wanted characters that actually struggled with what choices they made or showed integrity in those choices, that held up their actions with conviction, instead of taking a lazy jab at it

agatha all along released, silently at first, mostly something i heard of because - on release - there was already buzz about billy kaplan being who teen HAD to be. i didn't watch it right away because i didn't care about the tv shows too actively before, so why do it now? and plus, what if it was just the same as the clip shows of wandavision i had seen? the best of it would just become clip shows on youtube eventually, right?

sometime later - had to be a little under two weeks ago, since it was just after episode 5's release - i got bored and said "you know what, how about i give this show a chance, after all?"

thank you, bored me, that was a pretty damn good decision

the first episode was a trip into the hexed mind of agatha, looking at the world through her vision as billy tries to break her out of it. it was a bit deceptive at first, but it was fun enough to keep me on board, even though i knew the tone had to shift considerably from there. the first couple of episodes did great at laying the groundwork for the series to come, and i wasn't as aware of it early on, but it was becoming clearer there was something different here

especially because each episode seemed to make it progressively harder to "just censor the queer bits" let's fuckin gooo!

but while one of my earlier grievances was more quietly alleviated, another seemed more loudly crushed by episode 5's climax. not necessarily the reveal that billy was billy all along, but the events leading up to it: there were characters in world moving on from a death that JUST HAPPENED - a murder, even! - and this leading up to billy's explosion and character reveal. this moment, where agatha celebrated her return of her powers even after killing one of her coven; where the two senior witches, while frustrated, seemed to shake off the death shockingly easily; and billy, the most junior of the bunch, has to deal with these people he thought he trusted just shaking off the death of someone he had made a friend of! there was actual character-led drama here! tension from characters acting accordingly led to a big shift in the dynamic and a character taking extreme action! i'm INVESTED???????

(the earlier grievance that was quietly handled was my worldbuilding and magic system issue, because this story wanted to genuinely believe in the magic it crafted and made sure, with each step, the rules it wanted to craft were followed. the funny thing is, by working mostly with characters that had little-to-no power as well as those who just couldn't control what they had, we were able to focus more on building the rules up through non-powered means and using the knowledge of the craft they practice first. i think we can also have a discussion on how maybe the balance of "exposition" vs "show don't tell" is a bit too tipped to the former's side, but i think that's something for another day, after the series finishes)

from there, episode 6 happens, and it just cements this show - in my mind - as probably my favourite mcu series. first of all, because if episode 4 didn't already do it, 6 made sure that there was just no room to censor out the gay bits, fuck yeah. secondly, it builds on the character we were already being introduced to quite well: using billy's past life as a source of internal drama was a natural choice, and it's done quite well, allowing you to invest deeper in what this kid's going through and why he's hunting so fervently for the witch's road, and what he expects to get out of it. even the final section where agatha interrogates his convictions (which by the way, definitely is where i'd start asking about exposition vs show don't tell) is great - not just for him, but for agatha, as we see HER convictions on display as well!

i kinda wanna wrap up my thoughts - and also episode 7's barely come out - so i won't touch on that one; just know that 7 is also peak, potentially even the best of the series to date

agatha all along was so deceptive to me because i was almost expecting just a general witch-y spinoff of what we got of her in wandavision, and what i saw of her made me think she'd just be another quippy villain that gets her own spinoff like loki (that series might be good too but i just don't like loki that much...?) what i got instead was a series focusing on agatha trying to get her powers back alongside a teenager with his own mysterious intentions - both seeking out a perilous option to get what they seek, alongside initially skeptical comrades who all get their own level of development as time goes on. what i got was a series that was invested in building upon the ideas of witches and magic that wandavision built some foundations on, delving deeper into the topics and showing us how other witches think and feel about their perception and struggles in the modern world. what i got was a disney series that didn't just say there was a gay character; it said there were many, and a few of them even make out on screen and have ex-lover drama! what i got was a series that took its world seriously, and a goddamned breath of fresh air out of the mcu!!!

so yeah agatha all along's pretty damn good, hope it keeps up the momentum in episode 8

[letitrainathousandflames]

[trigger warning for mentions of panic disorder, depression, meltdowns and general mental health crap]

hey kids! if you've been taking antidepressants and your life is going nice and manageable and you think "my life is going nice and manageable! maybe I don't need antidepressants after all!" that is your stupid fucking hubris speaking and you shouldn't fucking listen to it.

Unless your meds are actively hindering you in any way (sleeping meds start making you sleep too much, antidepressants tossing you a bit too far from depressed into manic), in which case you should discuss adjusting your dosage with your doctor, there is no justifiable reason for you just to quit them!

"Aw, but I don't wanna have to take meds forever!", i thought, "I wanna use natural oils and not need SSRI (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) meds!"

Well. I'm autistic. And adhd. And I had depression in the past. Saying I don't want to need mental health medication and therapy is like saying I wish I could sprout wings and fly! It sure would be nice! It's not gonna happen though!!!

And while I'm on the subject, if you are as riddled with mental health shit as I am, do not fucking quit therapy just because you had a couple of nice weeks where nothing bad happened and you had nothing to mull over there. Because shit will get real again (life is made of cycles and highs and lows) and you will wish you hadn't quit when things were breezy.

My head is too foggy to make a metaphor now, but like. If shit was bad, and you started meds/therapy/etc, and it got better. Don't forget why it got better in the first place!! And don't fucking quit a treatment that has been working for you! Don't be stupid like me!

I'm currently balls-deep into a depressive episode, having crying fits and meltdowns and the worst panic attacks i've ever had in my life! All because of my pride and arrogance and refusal to admit that my brain is a disabled little shit that needs crutches to walk! I'm going through absolute hell and the only idiot I have to blame is myself!

TL;DR: are you so happy and healthy and chill that you just wanna stop using your support systems (meds/therapy/etc) because you feel you'll do fine without them? Take a moment to think about whether the support systems aren't the exact reason why you are so happy and healthy and chill in the first place.

[dimonds456]

hi guys.

MASSIVE CW/TW for medical misconduct, strong language, disability, talk of Death and dying, transphobia / enbyphobia, and personal drama below the cut. I genuinely have no clue what to do anymore.

Also no, this isn't gonna be me asking for money or anything. I'm fine there. It's literally everything else that's the problem.

also long post.

Okay, I'm terrified and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. I keep forgetting to call my doctor, and I'm also actively trying to find a new, different doctor, but every single site to do that is either down or inaccessible as fuck. He won't answer me on the website that's supposed to let you get in touch with your doctor, and as far as I know there's no way to report him for anything he's doing to me.

I have a paper trail now and will be calling him Dr K, since he refers to himself like that in one of the screenshots I have.

For a bit of backstory, I have Graves Disease. Fucking love the name, great choice. Graves Disease is a sub-genre of hyperthyroidism, a typically genetic disease in which your thyroid- a butterfly-shaped gland located at the front of the throat that regulates your metabolism- starts over-producing hormones and doesn't stop. I've had it since middle school.

Here they are in all their glory. For context on how bad this shit can get, my RESTING heart rate BPM was around 100. When I started running around, it got up OVER 200. THAT'S ENOUGH TO GIVE SOMEONE A HEART ATTACK. I was in middle school at the time, so adjust for how much smaller my body was, but STILL. Still terrible numbers, and I was literally in grave danger by the time I got treated.

(wow i love that its called graves disease haha such a funny name WHO NAMED THIS DISEASE I JUST WANNA FUCKING TALK)

So, since I'm 20, it's safe to assume I have the lifelong/chronic variant at this point (it festered for at least 6 months before I started getting treatment, and though it has gotten a bit better with time, not by much).

I don't care if I have to be on meds forever, that's not the problem. The problem is everything else.

Enter my two doctors, Dr M and Dr K.

Dr M was first, he was my childhood doctor and he's the one who originally started treating me. I don't remember much about him, just that he frustrated me constantly because he never listened. I'd tell him that my symptoms got worse after he lowered my dosage, and instead of talking to me about that, he'd point at a chart full of numbers that I don't understand and say "well your numbers look good so." and then proceed to continue lowering my dosage again until it because obvious to him that I was telling the truth, in which he'd up my dosage.

Now, as a kid, I was very much not outspoken. I still am not. I've never been very pushy about anything and always let people walk all over me, so I only really ever got listened to when the "numbers" started to reflect what I was saying. And yeah, my self-confidence it a whole other conversation and I do need to work on that, but also... part of being a doctor is to listen to your patient, right? So no matter how quiet or afraid I was, I should still have been heard out and treated like a person and not a goddamn statistic.

Then, I turned 18. I had until I was 19 to find an "adult" doctor, and Dr M kept seeing me until that could happen. But I had no idea how the fuck to do that. And no one explained it to me. I needed to be sat down and shown exactly how to do it step-by-step, but that never happened. I never got the help I needed.

April 7th, 2022, I turned 19 years old. Time was up, and I still didn't have a different doctor. I had no clue where to start.

I was living on my own now. I had an apartment I'd been staying in for a little less than a year, had a terrible home life with my roommates, had a 3rd shift 10 and a half-hour job + college, and no new doctor. I got one last prescription refill from Dr M, and then that was it. I wasn't allowed to see him anymore.

I kept putting off finding a new doctor because I was preoccupied with The Horrors™, something else that traumatized me last year that lasted from November 2021 to late October 2022. It went on for a literal year and I still haven't recovered from it at all, but again, that's a whole other can of worms that I cannot open yet. But the point is that I was in the mental warzone at the time, and just... never thought about a new doctor.

July 2022.

My 3 months of prescription were over. I was on the wrong dosage, and my symptoms were flaring up. BAD. And I still didn't have a doctor. Time to panic. I don't remember what happened, but my dad was able to help me find a doctor named Dr K, and we set up an appointment- 3 days before the last of my meds would have run out.

I just had to make it til then, then everything would be okay, right? I wasn't going to die- I wasn't going to die. I had to hold onto that. i wasn't going to die.

I saw him, he was able to get me on proper meds, and my dosage was upped from half a pill twice a day to 2 pills twice a day. MUCH better, it helped a lot. Thank fuck, I'm not going to die.

I thought that, maybe, finally, I got a doctor who would listen. But he doesn't. He fucking doesn't. He does the exact same thing as Dr M and only looks at "the numbers" and doesn't listen to what I'm telling him.

Fast forward to now. I am still processing The Horrors™, have (C?)PTSD, I have a new eating disorder that not even the doctors are sure wtf it is (might be ARFID? But they genuinely have no idea, I'm in a weird grey area, so THAT'S comforting), I have new weakness in my legs and arms that they don't know how that got there, I've fallen 3 times, and Graves Disease gave me an eye disease that can make me go blind if untreated. Awesome.

...Dr K still isn't listening.

My most recent appointment with him was last month, when I went to get a normal follow-up. Apparently they forgot to do labs for his stuff and just did them for my eating disorder, so he doesn't really have much to go off of in terms of "the numbers" and I'm the one who takes the blame for it, not the labwork people who forgot to take my labs while I was there getting labs. Fine. Whatever.

I tell him about my symptoms flaring back up, and he continues going on about my "numbers". Points at a graph I can't read. "Your numbers look fine." What does that mean? Idk, he didn't tell me.

During that visit, he brought up with me that I want to have top surgery. I say yes, and then he starts going off about how I need to start HRT before they can do the surgery. I ask why, and he tells me that it's just how they do things. I have to be on HRT for at least 6 months before I can get the surgery I want.

Now, I am transmasc (nonbinary). I am not against HRT, but it's not something I'm sure I want yet. I tell him as such, and he then states that "well since you're still confused, you should talk to a therapist first and then we'll go from there." BITCH I'M NOT CONFUSED. I JUST DON'T WANT HRT RIGHT NOW. I have 50 other medical problems to worry about, I'm not in a good position to start it even IF I WANTED TO. WHICH I DO NOT. I just know I want the surgery! That's it!

I tell him as such, and he keeps insisting that I'm just confused in what I want and basically said that I'm not trans enough to warrant a surgery if I don't want HRT.

Great. Well, now I'm pissed.

Two days later, I hopped onto a Discord server and asked if I was right in thinking that what he said was wrong, and everyone agreed that yeah, what he told me was fucked up. I even brought this up with my parents, who- although they do support me as an individual- are mildly transphobic, and even THEY agreed that what he told me was fucked up. I should not be FORCED into anything like that because I'm "not trans enough," that's BULLSHIT.

Anyway. At the end of my original visit with him, he sent me to get the labwork done same-day and then told me he would update me with what we were going to do.

Last Thursday, August 3rd, I got a phone call saying that he was canceling my prescription altogether.

My meds, which- as a reminder- SAVED ME FROM DYING LAST YEAR, which I know for a FACT I need to live since I was on death's doorstep just for being on the wrong dosage of these meds- yeah fuck em. You don't need them. "Your numbers are good."

The goal has been to ween me off. Slowly but surely reduce my pills a little at a time to slowly ween my body off the medication. I'm taking 30 mg a day. THIS IS NOT WEENING.

Now, I do make a comment I'm not proud of in the following screenshot, but the context is that I had already asked what the numbers meant and got brushed aside for it, both as a kid AND a teenager. I am now 20. So, of course, the "I'm not a kid anymore" thing pops up here, like the fucking cliche that I am. But I have not edited these screenshots except to blot out my picture. I refuse to edit them, just so it's crystal clear the BULLSHIT I'm dealing with.

I went onto the website and sent my doctor some questions, because I was rightfully afraid of what would happen if I suddenly couldn't take medication that I need to live. And the answer I got? Well, look.

I just took these screenshots as I was making this post.

Yeah, so ignoring the "I'm not a kid anymore" comment (I knew I would regret writing that and I did it anyway, go me), I feel like I was professional and careful with my wording here, right? I asked each question and explained why I was asking in-depth in hope of answers. And, I numbered those questions to ensure all 4 got addressed. And all I got was MORE questions.

And he never answered. That was August 7th. It's the 10th now. And I'm suffering. My symptoms are coming back more and more each day, and I've been trying desperately to ween myself off of meds so it's not the literal sudden change that he wants for my body. And also like, I'm sorry but am I reading this right? WHAT THE FUCK DOES "NORMAL HYPERTHYROIDISM RANGE" MEAN?? DO YOU WANT ME TO GET WORSE? RESET ME BACK TO ZERO? UNDO ALL THE PROGRESS I'VE MADE? CUZ ITS WORKING.

Sitting here writing this, my thyroid hurts. I can feel the swelling going up. You can hold it between two fingers now. I'm in pain when you tug on it in a certain direction, which used to be a comforting motion of mine. My resting BPM is going back up fast, the swelling behind my eyes is getting worse (which, again, COULD MAKE ME GO BLIND), and I was super reliant on my cane for balance today, not just the weakness in my knee/hip region that I'd been using it for. I'm getting worse FAST.

I am no stranger to Death. Honestly, my relationship with Death has gone from fearful to almost friendly over time. I feel like we know each other well, they and I. After nearly drowning at age 7, I feel like we've built a pretty uncommonly close relationship with each other. I've looked into the void, it looked back, shook its head and told me to try again. Many times. Not many other people can say that.

Death has given me many chances. I keep getting lucky. But, y'know, after dancing with Death for the majority of my life and being visited by them at least twice a year at this point, you'd think I'd start to figure out the steps to keep up with them, right? Well, you underestimate my ability to dance, ever. All it takes is a touch, and Death will have me.

"Just get a new doctor!" I still don't know how, and when I want to try? The website was down (which isn't the same website as the one I use to talk to Dr K, it's a completely different site).

"Call the office and keep calling them until you get answers!" A) phone calls are scary, B) the nurses aren't going to have the answers I need, only the doctors will, and C) you can't just call your doctor, not in this fucking day and age. If I want an appointment, I gotta book it out by months.

This morning, all I had was a half a pill. I'm running low on meds, and I'm trying to take them only as needed, and with as little as possible, to preserve them for as long as I can. But with all this happening, I... I want to take another half, but that would do more harm in the end than good since I'd have less for later. My dad suggested a Tylenol, since my throat is inflamed and that might make the swelling go down (but it wouldn't address the issue in that my thyroid is making far more hormones than it should be). So now I have to choose.

I had a panic attack over this earlier. I looked up to pick up a box from a tall shelf and fell backwards- the same thing that finally convinced my parents that something might actually have been wrong with me and got me to see a doctor 6 months too late originally. Only difference is that there's no broken plate this time. All I did was look up and I stumbled backwards into the wall.

I don't want to die. Oh, stars, I don't want to die. But they're not going to refill my prescription, and I'm 86% sure my doctor is doing this on purpose because of the trans thing (you could hear it in his tone, but that's not really proof of anything). He won't explain himself, and then proceeded to ignore me when I asked for answers. I need a new doctor, but I don't know how to get one, and the website is STILL DOWN.

I'm fucked. I'm actually fucked.

Death has been kind to me before. I just have to trust that they'll be kind to me again. And I know personifying something like Death is fucking stupid but it's all I have left at this point.

I don't want to die, stars I don't. Been there done that. I just want to feel okay. I just want to feel safe. But in this body, I'll never feel safe. My Graves will never go away, and my throat is closing up what with the inflamation, and I'm in pain, and my eyes hurt, and my eating disorder keeps taking more and more away from me, and I could barely make it through fucking mini golf earlier, so how the fuck am I going to go back to work like this?! They're going to fire me, and then what? Do I just lay down and die?! Let it happen? Because if THIS is all my life is going to be, fighting just for the right to be alive from the people who are SUPPOSED to be helping me STAY alive, then what is the fucking point?!

I should clarify; I am not suicidal. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. I just want to feel okay. Please, stars, that's all I want. I just want to feel safe. I just want to feel loved. I just want to feel happy. I just want to feel like it all meant something, that I can push through and use my own suffering to lift others up so they don't have to suffer like I did. The point is to ease other's suffering as much as I can. That's all I've ever wanted. But all I do is bring others down with me, because of things that are out of my control.

i'm tired. i'm hot. i'm hungry. i can't eat. i'm angry. i'm emotionless. i'm exhausted. i'm cold. i feel sick. i'm in pain. i'm numb. i just want it to be over. i want to push through. i want to give in. i want it all to stop. i want to feel safe.

...I'm gonna try the Tylenol. I can't afford to take any more of my meds.

hah, i'm like doug from portal. save em for the end times.

I just... what if my dad is right and this is all in my head? Like, it's fucking not, I can FEEL the inflamation getting bigger both on my skin and in my throat, but... what if? What if all of this is just anxiety? What if this is all just a result of my trauma from last year? fuck man, idk. i need help, and not even my therapist knows how to give it to me. i'm lost. i don't know who to talk to or who can help me.

im sorry. I'm still going to try to make as positive an impact as I can while I'm still here, but... stars, I just don't know how much time I have.

If you made it this far, take a second and count your blessings, okay? Take the time to wave to friendly faces of your past, remember things you did and people you've met. Remember your favorite childhood bookseries, or your favorite TV show. Appreciate the people closest to you. Hug your pet. Hug your siblings. Send your guardians a text appreciating them for the good memories they've given you, if you can.

Breathe. You're alive. Somehow, someway... you're alive. And isn't that wonderful? To defy the very nature of science that we still don't understand, to plant your feet on the ground and go "no, I'm here and I am alive and I live for myself"? That's incredible.

I'm alive, too. By stars I'm alive. And I'm not gonna go anywhere until I'm forced from this earth kicking and screaming. And I'm gonna try my goddamn best to make sure that every day is as good as it can be, for everyone around me. For myself.

Fuck it, we only have so much time. We gotta make the best of it, eh? Good memories. I want to go thinking about good memories. Laughter. Friends.

Maybe that could be enough.

[fumblingmusings]

I feel like Evie is the kind of mother that would have munchausens by proxy. Not that she'd deliberately make the kids sick or anything but be so worried that they might get sick that she's already preemptively treating them like they are. Then the placebo effect kicks in and the kid sort of suck in all her worrying with temperature checkings and chicken soup servings that they start to actually feel and act sick so Evie feels she was right all along and the cycle continues.

Kiiiiiiiinnnndddd of? I do love that idea though, that sort of toxic influence she has where she's actively stifling and causing sickness. Like a metaphorical Typhoid Mary scenario. Pretty apt for an Empire, honestly.

Her paranoia regarding the kids comes out more in their emotional state rather than physical in the fic. As Matthew states, she never once tied them up or locked them away. Once they were able, they really could go and do as they please. Just two rules: be discreet and come back to her. No-one else.

She jokes about wanting to be a recluse in the Estate and keep the children with her for as long as possible, but I don't think the thought ever crossed her mind to do something as restrictive as keeping them 'safe' in bed or not letting them outside. She wants them to be happy, and her version of happy is the good old 'out in nature's vibe. Luckily, the kids subscribe to that too.

She's the kind of mum who takes you to a blustery seaweed smelly pebble beach, snorts and breathes in deep and goes aaaahhhh, clears out the cobwebs don't it? whilst you stand there wet, windswept and cold, and wishing you'd just stayed at home in front of the fire.

In the fic, the illnesses are entirely her own and are almost entirely self-inflicted. She is genuinely sick, but what happened was she started taking opiods to help with lingering pain after her civil war, to which she became addicted and continued to take even after her body had recovered. After Alfred left, she went through withdrawal, only to get back on it at a higher dosage and stay there until the Opium Wars. She spent pretty much the 1790s - 1850s completely out of it and at times was a really disconcerting presence to Jack and Maia and Matthew. Thereafter, she's on it off it on it off it until the 1980s or so. She's been clean since 1987, which is ironic, because a lot went wrong in the UK that year.

She is sick. As some characters say though, it's her mind that's suffering, rather than any injured limb or viral/bacterial disease. The addiction then starts to fuck with her body, with stomach cramps and constipation. Her kidneys and heart aren't doing too hot either, hence her looking so grey and pallid all the time. Her ability to heal is kind of screwed because her body is forever trying to keep up with potential renal failure, let alone something that another nation could maybe shake off, like a gun shot wound.

And regarding the kids, I actually think she does completely right by them, physical health wise. She just understands dietary and sanitation requirements through a dozen lifetimes experience, so hopefully I show that when Alfred points out at one point that under her care he never caught any kind of water born illness, and Matthew remembers that the one time where she did - Cholera in the 1840s - its her alone that gets it and not Oz or Zee because she picked it up travelling without them to London, and Matt wasn't even in the country at the time. She gave all the kids vaccines for smallpox, and she is a big firm believer in playing outside and rolling in mud. She keeps them out of cities because she knows the air is absolutely gross. She understands basic things (even if the reasonings have not yet been discovered) like the need for salt, bicarbonate of soda and boiled water to make saline, or making ginger and honey tea for the kids when they get a tummy bug.

That said, when she's not there, the kids absolutely do pick up all kinds of bugs and diseases because the humans just don't understand quite yet. It's policy that she is not informed until after the illness has passed on account of her being a bit of a murderous monster to the person who allowed it to happen. Alfred, who wrote to her in a fit of delirium in the 1860s, was the exception as he got past the censors, and she was still willing to go to quite an extreme to get to him.

When the kids did catch colds or fevers with her though... You'd think they were two steps from death's door. Alfred only got sick once, and that was a two steps from death's door situation. I think she internalised that. Jack, who's much more prone to catching the sniffles whilst in the UK, makes her worry endlessly. You saw her mump and mope over how thin she thought Matthew was as a baby - call it maternal instinct or whatever, but the woman knows how to raise happy, healthy fat babies.

For me, the real issues - the real illness - starts to rear its head when the kids develop a world view that extends beyond their mother.

[liauditore]

number 1: when/how did you get into hc?

number 19: favorite design?

and number 23: first impression of a hermit and how it did or didn’t change

1 - when and how did you get into hermitcraft?

I'm actually a pretty recent fan. I got recommended Lizzie's Last Life POV in April I think? It was completely random and I wasn't into MCYT at all but I remembered watching Lizzie as a kid and it was like 3am and I couldn't sleep so I was like why not and then my life literally changed forever.

I had to, completely unhinged, BEG my friends to watch this stupid ldshadowlady series that had the best storytelling I'd seen in anything ever with me. @kanohirren recognised Bdubs and Etho's names and we got curious so we watched their POVs as well. Cue "he loves me" and now neither of us are the same.

We ended up also watching 3L and DL and LimL when that came out and needed extra dosages to keep us going so we ended up watching Etho's Hermitcraft 7 (Shad-e-e's!) and various Hermitcraft 9 videos (mainly Pearl, Scar and Ren). I've watched a little bit of season 8 as well so I know about the whole moon big thing.

So yeah this is cursed but hermitcraft is basically my "they're all alive and well and happy and not dead" copium fanfic for the life series.

Sidenote he's not a hermit but I listened to screw the nether maybe too many times as a kid and lost it a bit when i realised it was the same martyn.

19 - favourite hermit design? (whether yours or someone else’s)

OUHGHKLGLHKKLHHKFHL THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES NOOOOOOOOOOO.,

ummm uh just to machine gun fire a few there's luminousslime's buttercups, applestruda's gem and doc (and basically everyone else), hybbart's tango, jay's gem has won my heart, lunarcrown's hels!bdubs and hels!etho are maybe cheating but i care them and so has basically any interpretation of bdubs as a small (evil?) creature. First example that popped up in my mind was kanohi's accursed gremlin.

In terms of my own designs my style's gone through a bit of a shift recently so I've actually been meaning to redraw everything 😭😭but from what I've done so far I do really like my Pearl and Bdubs.

23 - what was your original opinion on hermitcraft/a hermit? did it change?

For MCYT as a whole tbh I used to be kind of a hater 😭😭 as someone who only really watched the occasional captainsparklez ig i didn't really "get" roleplay and all the fanart and stuff that was everywhere when DSMP was popular. +the whole character vs CC stuff.

((note here I don't actively dislike DSMP because I never got into it and wouldn't know I just choose not to interact with it out of my own reasons. I don't mind talking abt it or seeing it and so on))

I always knew hermitcraft existed but again I wasn't really into MCYT as a whole so I didn't think it would really be my thing ig?

And now look at me 😔😔

for individual hermits I had a very visceral reaction the first time I saw bdubs' skin like EW EUGH WHAT IS., THAT. and now i think he's the cutest ever.

[midnightpillsnacking]

[Loulou*di S3V1 L 3-3] Hana-Doll 3rd Season THINK OF ME:MONO Translation

Translation below the cut.

Google Drive link | Listen to the album on Spotify

Project Archive: L 3-3

(Crowd cheering, Loulou*di catching their breath)

Fan A: Ageha-sama!

Fan B: Welcome back, Ageha-sama!

Fan C: I’ve always believed in Loulou*di!

Ageha: (to himself) Ah… I can hear them; the cheers of the fans who admire Loulou*di–Loumiels… I see. I’ve finally beaten death as imposed by a nightmare and arrived here…! I’ve finally returned to the stage filled with light!

Rui: Ageha. Ageha!

Ageha: !! Rui.

Rui: Toki is acting strange.

Toki: Ah… (shakily giggling to himself)

Ageha: That expression…!

Rui: We should step back and let him rest.

Ageha: (addresses the crowd) Ladies and gentlemen, please kindly forgive me[1], the one who will lower the curtain of darkness. And please listen closely to the song of the nightingale that will appear in your dreams tonight. You should already know, but be it darkness or dreams, there’s nothing that can tear us both apart.

(The lights go out)

Rui: Toki-bou. Toki-bou! Pull yourself together, Toki-bou.

Toki: (groans) …Huh? Rui-san?

Rui: You finally regained consciousness. How are you feeling?

Toki: Why am I–What happened to the performance?

Ageha: The performance has been long over.

Toki: Huh? But, the encore–

Rui: The transport team will arrive shortly. You’ll head to the medical facility to rest.

Toki: Hmm? But I’m fine. After all, it’s the first time I got to be on Loulou*di’s solo show and I gave a perfect performance. My body felt so light that it’s like it’s not even mine, moving even better than I expected. It’s the first time I ever felt that way–it’s the best I’ve ever felt. If only I could stay on that stage forever. But… since when did we get back from the stage?

Ageha: … Toki.

(Doors open, staff comes in with equipment)

Rui: Over here, please. We’ll leave it to you.

Medical Staff A: Understood. Hey, over here.

Medical Staff B: Got it.

(The staff walks over, starts strapping something onto Toki)

Toki: Huh? What?

Rui: A mattress[2]? Why would you need something like that?

Medical Staff A: Prepare the ampoule.

Rui: That ampoule…

Medical Staff A: Orders from above. We’ve got clearance to inject the water if it comes down to it.

Rui: Regardless of the circumstances, don’t you think the intervals between doses are too short? During the administration of the medicine a few days ago–

Medical Staff A: The dosages are being monitored to ensure they don’t lose their efficacy. There’s no need for you to worry.

Rui: But–

Medical Staff A: Only things that will pose a hindrance to Loulou*di’s activities must be avoided. Those were the orders from the president himself.

Ageha: … I see. Then we’ll let you handle it.

Rui: Ageha!

Toki: (gasps)

Medical Staff A: The dose has been administered successfully. Everything after is up to you.

Ageha: Understood. However, if anything happens to Toki, I will never forgive you.

Medical Staff A: …

Ageha: Go ahead and try. My intentions are clear.

Medical Staff A: …Please excuse me.

(The staff leave)

Rui: Ageha, there’s no doubt about it. Toki-bou was showing signs of assimilating the preserve.

Ageha: So it seems. Unconsciously performing on stage, and that trance-like expression. However, if we just let it be and allow the effects of the medicine to wear off, it will only cause confusion to the mind. It’s exactly like what happened to Amemiya.

Rui: But between then and now, the frequency of administration is too high.

Ageha: The progression of preserve assimilation is also too fast. After that many incidents under those circumstances, I would have failed to advance long ago.

Rui: I don’t feel the need for that comparison. At any rate, the progression of your fortitude only appears to travel downhill.

Ageha: Are you saying that you see my futile resistance as unmatched?

Rui: No. You’re unmatched in every way.

Ageha: …Dammit, you’re pissing me off.

Rui: Toki-bou’s flower bloomed faster than any others’ we’ve ever seen. To suppress the possibility of betrayal from his growth and loyalty, do you think they could have purposefully accelerated the water administration cycle?

Ageha: Don’t joke around like that.

Rui: It’s simply a guess. But regardless, the answer should be in the medicine.

(Door knocks, a staff member enters)

Staff C: Please excuse me. The reporters are waiting outside.

Ageha: Ah… I’ll speak to them. Rui, you stay here.

Rui: I’ll come with you. I can’t have you work–

Ageha: If both of us were to go, then it would look like we ourselves are suspicious of Toki’s absence.

Rui: …

Ageha: If I were to go as our representative, then we could get those irritating reporters off our backs. Just listen to me and wait here.

Rui: Alright.

(Ageha leaves)

Ageha: (sighs) I’ve had enough of that demon… Whether what I’m up against is God or fate, I won’t let it get in my way again. Ever.

(Sound of equipment)

Medical Staff C: Oh, this antibody…. The numbers aren’t stabilizing. Let’s see, the Doll in Observation Room 1 is…

Medical Staff D: (on the phone) President, you don’t mean…! You’re kidding, right? Administering water to Loulou*di at this pace… You do understand what will happen regardless of what results we obtain, don’t you? …That’s–well, but… Understood. As long as it’s what the president wants, we won’t object. Then, please excuse me. (hangs up)

Medical Staff C: Um, that call earlier…

Medical Staff D: I must have been pretty loud if you could hear that, Musumi.

Medical Staff C (Musumi): Sorry.

Medical Staff D (Musumi's Colleague): No, I apologize as well for raising my voice.

Musumi: Not at all. Well… is there a problem with the administration of the water?

Musumi's Colleague: Ah, you haven’t been assigned to it since you came here.

Musumi: That’s right. I went through all the materials thoroughly during my training, but there was nothing much written in detail about the water.

Musumi's Colleague: How much do you know about the water?

Musumi: It works like a photosensitive personal assistant that helps the Dolls continue to thrive even with growth abnormalities, and by extension the withering. In short, if Dolls are flowers, then the absence of the water would be significant. Am I wrong?

Musumi's Colleague: You’re right. But it’s not as good as it sounds. Instead of achieving a state of pleasurable high, other emotions are heavily suppressed.

Musumi: The materials did say that the sense of euphoria is heightened.

Musumi's Colleague: (scoffs) You said it well.

Musumi: Emotions change and vary during the peak period, and I heard that the answers collected from the research show that the physical state has an influence on the results. If the priority is to alleviate as much suffering as possible while stabilizing the condition, then I think it’s fine.

Musumi's Colleague: But the efficacy of the medicine isn’t permanent. If we don’t keep a close eye on the administration schedule, then it’s a one-way express to drug reliance. 

Musumi's Colleague: …Mind if I ask you something?

Musumi: What is it?

Musumi's Colleague: Why did you come to work here?

Musumi: I wanted to have a hand in the forefront of medical research. Well, even though this isn’t what the public recognizes as ‘medical’.

Musumi's Colleague: I don’t blame them. The one calling the shots is a production company and the results are in the form of idols. Both are inextricably linked. A weekly publication mentioned it sometime back too, that research that involves putting something nobody can fully grasp into a human and making them sing and dance like dolls doesn’t fall in the same category as finding out cures for diseases.

Musumi: Then we can put a more positive spin on it.

Musumi's Colleague: Positive?

Musumi: It’s not something easy for a layman to understand, is it? If there’s such a strong opposition, it’s proof that there’s potential for it in the future. That’s what I think. …

Musumi's Colleague: That sure is optimistic.

(An alert notification starts sounding off)

Musumi: The Doll scheduled for emergency admission has arrived.

Musumi's Colleague: I see. I’ll go take a look. Discharge the Doll in the Observation Room.

Musumi: Understood.

Kaoru: … This is…?

Musumi: Good morning. Um… your name is…?

Kaoru: Kisaragi Kaoru.

Musumi: Yes, yes. Kaoru-kun.

Kaoru: Excuse me, but could you be a doctor I haven’t met before?

Musumi: That’s right, I was recently assigned here.

Kaoru: I thought so.

Musumi: ?

Kaoru: Doctors here rarely call me by name.

Musumi: I-I see. I’ll keep that in mind. (clears his throat) Right, during the examination, did you experience any dreams?

Kaoru: Yes, I did.

Musumi: What kind of dreams?

Kaoru: I wonder…

Musumi: Do you not remember?

Kaoru: More importantly, Doctor, have you ever wondered, between what you see in dreams and what you see in reality, which one is the real one? Or rather, perhaps the view you thought was a dream is reality, and what you are experiencing right now in the present is all a dream. Have you ever thought about that?

Musumi: That’s…

(An alert notification starts sounding off. Musumi picks up the phone in the room.)

Musumi: This is Observation Room One. I heard the alarm, what’s happening?

Musumi's Colleague: The Doll that just came in for emergency admission has disappeared in the presence of staff.

Musumi: Eh?

Musumi's Colleague: Instructions now are that nobody is allowed to leave the premises. Hurry and start searching the medical facility.

Musumi: U-Understood. (hangs up)

Kaoru: Emergency admission?

Musumi: A-Ah, that’s right. Your hearing is not done yet.

Kaoru: It’s okay. I’m going to head back to the dormitory.

Musumi: Huh, b-but…

Kaoru: I felt like I did dream, but I forgot everything. So I can’t tell you anything more. I’m sorry. Besides, someone went missing, right? 

Musumi: Ah, yes, but…

Kaoru: Please quickly find them. I’ll be okay. I’ll change my clothes and go back like usual.

Musumi: … Then, it’ll be of great help if you do that. Thank you.

(Musumi leaves)

Kaoru: Like usual… How is it like ‘usually’?

Translator’s Notes:

Ageha uses ‘boku (僕)’ instead of his usual ‘ore (俺)’ to refer to himself when addressing his audience, or in the presence of others aside from Loulou*di.

I believe the word here used is ‘teishou (低床)’, which usually refers to the low floor of a platform or vehicle. In this context I translated it as ‘mattress’.

[pallidmask]

To a certain degree you could look at the entirety of Star Trek and go, "This is about neurodivergence. This is about if someone thought a different way, or was experiencing the universe in a different way, or is a conscious entity with an alien frame of reference." And because it's primarily from a humanist perspective, it takes that idea seriously and with empathy towards the people being discussed. ('Devil in the Dark' is probably the exemplar here.) So no wonder it (and other SF/F more generally) is popular with people who feel alienation from neurotypicality. But yeah, I also came from a spec-ed background, and Statistical Probabilities is absolutely reminding me of a bunch of people I've met and been friends with, and to that degree might seem a little heavy-handed as a metaphor for it 25 years later, but in retrospect I think there's an interesting core idea to it, especially if you remember that these people are like this because someone (their parents, presumably) bought into an anti-humanistic ableist ideology (somewhere between whole-hog eugenics, or to use its 90s SFnal manifestation, transhumanism, and regular ableist assumptions of a 'meritocracy') and got them invasive surgeries as a result. So at some level, they've been indoctrinated with this ableist assumption about how society works and what they're 'meant' to do (be better than everyone else!) and in response are told that that's a fake or immoral idea, which nevertheless is one that overhangs and defines your entire life! For a contemporary example, imagine your parents want you to be a child star and got you plastic surgery to make you more conventionally attractive? How hard would it be for you to actually put aside thinking about and judging people based on their looks, or even internalize the idea that appearance should actively be *disregarded* in how you treat someone? And of course Bashir, in *hiding* his alterations, isn't talking about them with counselors or whatever, so *he's* never really getting therapy about it during his formative years. (Unless getting trapped in a nightmare by a Lethean counts as 'therapy.') So untangling the implicit ableism that literally defined his life (remember, he joined the apparently-least-egalitarian organization in the Federation!) hasn't happened. And then he meets Jack. I know many Jacks. I've been Jack. I am extremely cautious when upping my ADHD med dosage because I don't want to be Jack again. And Jack is a pitch-perfect satire of that type of guy. And Jack 100% still believes in that fundamentally ableist set of assumptions about how things *should be* and is resentful at the entire world for not letting him run everything forever. (Because, let's face it, Jack is the kind of person who would trap himself in the Remember Me dimension by overclocking a warp drive if left alone for five minutes. I know Jacks. I've been Jack.) But Jack wants to deal with his feelings of victimhood by proving the ableism right: proving he should be *better* than everyone just because he's "smarter" than them, and that his caregivers (who he resents for dealing with him like he has no self-control, because face it, he doesn't) *are* in the wrong for not letting him do what he wants. He literally plans to determine the political destiny of billions of people he thinks he's smarter than, rather than doing what even the Vulcans* would do - work with everyone else and come to some sort of consensus on policy. And I think that the idea is that that speaks to a part of Bashir - of Jules - that probably still feels deep down like a powerless victim of circumstance rather than someone who is judged by his accomplishments and character. Any good guest character in a show like Star Trek has to, at some level, act as a foil or temptation to the main character, and that's what Jack is.

*who, let's face it, are framed by star trek as 'objectively better than humans' in nearly every 'abledness' category.

There's a thought/theory/whatever I've long had about a specific pair of episodes from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine ever since I was a teen, and I'm putting this post out there to see if anybody else had the same thought.

I think Julian Bashir from Deep Space Nine, especially his plotline about having been genetically altered at a young age, is a commentary on neurodivergency.

Bashir is characterized as being highly intelligent, albeit lacking in social insight. He excels in academic matters but frequently finds himself floundering around women, being led by the nose by more charismatic people, and not picking up what other people are putting down. This alone would make him the average stereotypical TV depiction of an autistic person, but what I want to focus on is the episode that provides a canonical reason for these traits: the season 5 episode Doctor Bashir, I Presume.

In this episode it's revealed, or retconned really, that Bashir owes his intelligence to genetic tempering. Bashir originally suffered from a learning disability. He was not as intelligent as other children his age, falling far behind his peers, and his parents resorted to illegally altering his genes to "cure" that disability. As a result he instead became exceedingly intelligent. In essence, it took away a symptom that made his life more difficult, and traded it for one that made him more functional.

That episode on its own isn't a super strong nod towards autism. Though it does establish that Bashir is at least neurodivergent, it's more a discussion on eugenics and the theoretical ethics of removing disabilities through genetics. What I really want to focus on is the sort-of-sequel to this episode, and the only other episode that really focuses on these themes: the season 6 episode "Statistical Probabilities." In this episode, Bashir sets out to help other people who underwent genetic alteration, but for whom the treatments didn't go as well. The people he meets all display symptoms of one neurodivergency or another. One of them is very hyperactive and lacks empathy, another is very childlike despite being an old man, and another is entirely unresponsive.

For me, as someone who grew up in special education, I couldn't help but recognize some of the people I knew. To me, the metaphor was clear: "genetic alteration" was really just sci-fi talk for neurodivergency. Julian was the savant, the high-functioning autistic person who successfully integrated into society, because his neurodivergency gave him intelligence and insight that made him useful. And the others weren't as lucky, struggling to lead normal lives because their symptoms impeded their ability to function by themselves.

Bashir spends the episode trying to prove that the other genetically altered people have something to offer society, that there is a place for them. It felt very on the nose to me. But no one I've seen talk about this pair of episodes ever seemed to have taken from them what I took from them. I can't find anyone else online who interpreted the episodes the same way. Maybe my perspective is very particular, as someone who spent so much time in special education growing up, and who has personally struggled with finding a place where I can offer something to others. But idk. Am I seeing allegories that aren't there? What do yall think?

[digitalboy562]

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[batteredwarriorstillstanding]

I don't think there are too many people who end up in rehab who haven't, at one stretch of their lives, or another, existed and subsisted such a great deal from lies...those of necessity, followed, very often, by lies of convenience or appearance, and finally, when one's darkened mind finally concludes just how easy it is...at least for short stretches,,,it is the lies of increase, or lies of greed that REALLY place him a frightening, forlorn, but irresistibly exhilarating place. At this point, only by a dramatic fall from grace is it possible to regain a true self; and many decide that it is absolutely preferable to become con men, and repeat the process ad-infinitum until a usually penniless and disgraceful death...otherwise, a difficult dosage of humility is needed....along with an understanding that will forever prevent enjoying this busy financial shortcut again. Once he has admitted the truth of his motivations, he will never be able to perform the same act without becoming physically ill. In other words, it had better be CLOSE to an absolutely vital need he is filling for himself, or,more likely, someone else that grants the extremely rare pass into yesterday. The same characters occupy different stations, but the Machine is unchanged. I have not only participated in this deplorable way of life, I helped to build it. Some telemarketing scripts I wrote years and years and years ago are still read verbatim by monet motivated halfway house residents. Barring some emergency,though, i am done. I know I am judged for my activities, for the most part, I guess I deserve it....but, I had to participate in it, allow myself to be ripped apart by the physical realities of devoting your life to evil, in order to realize that it is not for me.

[tavarillasgalen]

I have been doing personal training for about a month now (yes, expensive, but much cheaper than therapy and meds, which... how sad is that?) And I saw this car on my way to my first session. And it just... truly was a sign.

And of course, anything can be a sign if you want it to be. But I was truly in such a bad mental health spot, and I was like, I really don't want to go through the trouble of trying to find a therapist when... I've been through 14 different therapists over the years, and being bipolar means they usually want twice a week sessions, plus for you to be on mood stabilizers and whatever other meds (which means monthly appointments with a psychologist). Two therapists were really great, I did love them, but they were both so expensive and so far away. The rest were such a mixed bag. I had one therapist not believe me when I told her about a trauma while another therapist kept pressuring me to report the guy, which I wasn't going to do. And to me, therapy has never really been helpful - I do better just journaling through my thoughts and feelings.

And then meds - ugh. The first doctor I ever saw about meds was fantastic. He believed me about my trauma, he believed me about everything, he was actually the first to bring up "hm, are you sure this is just depression? Have you ever been diagnosed with bipolar?" He will forever have such a special place in my heart. But then other doctors... they act like you're being difficult when you complain about side effects or lecture you for not being on meds when they hear you have bipolar or they reduce you to a sobbing mess in the office because they refuse to believe you or even look up your chart to see that you're not lying about your history or they hear that you tend to have severe side effects to meds and are overly cautious with upping the dosage, so meds mostly just made me feel numb or sleepy and one kind of worked but it gave me such horrible eczema, I was literally scratching my skin off. And after trying all these different meds, I called it quits when one literally made me hallucinate - and I'm not someone who struggles with hallucinations, so that was terrifying.

And then idk. People hear "bipolar" and just... even healthcare professionals get alarmed when they hear that you're not in therapy and you're not on meds and treat you like you are just being difficult when you try to explain that those don't work for you. And no one believes you when you say you can manage it fine on your own.

Which is a very long, roundabout way to get around to being like, OK, my depression is getting really bad, but being active really, really helps me. And I need to get over this social anxiety thing and having someone there to hold you accountable and encourage you was really helpful to me before.

So, I got a personal trainer. Cheaper than therapy. And so much more helpful, for me, anyway.

And really... it has been so, so, so nice. It was exactly what I needed. He is nice, of course, it's part of his job to be. But it's not just him, it's the rest of the gym too. It's been the getting out and being active, and being active helps with stress and depression and anxiety so much by giving you a healthy outlet. I've had more positive interactions with other people in the past month than I have in forever - it gives me something to look forward to so much and makes me realize that people are mostly good, actually. It makes me realize my own capabilities and that if I am consistent, I am capable of growth and getting better. It makes me realize I'm good at things, like fashion (my gym outfits always get compliments), like my abs are strong (I have visible abs now!) and my legs are so strong, my personal trainer was shocked. My upper body is so weak, but it is stronger than it was, and continues to improve.

It helps me not regress into old eating disorder habits - something I was worried about with how they use a nutrition tracker. But if anything, my personal trainer has been looking at it and affirming that I mostly eat "good" (I hate assigning morality to food, but you know what I mean), but telling me I should be eating more than I am with how many calories I burn in my workouts. And with someone having an eye on your nutrition and telling you to eat more, it keeps that healthy relationship with food, which is a relief.

And truly, mentally, I'm still struggling a bit, but having goals at the gym, people I want to please like my trainer, something to look forward to like the sessions, and a healthy outlet for negative feelings, it's done wonders. And I'm making friends!!! Starting to, slowly!! And it's so nice!! I haven't had friends in years!

And I'm just so grateful that I'm in a position at the moment where I can afford this. Because my mental health was getting so bad. But this has helped more than therapy and meds has ever helped me. And I'm so thankful for that.

[josephnewbrown]

Managing Erectile Dysfunction: How Aurogra 100 Can Improve Your Sexual Health

Are you struggling with erectile dysfunction and seeking a solution to reignite your sexual health? Look no further! In this comprehensive guide, we'll explore the game-changer in managing erectile dysfunction - Aurogra 100. Get ready to uncover how this little blue pill can transform your intimate life and boost your confidence.

Understanding Aurogra 100

What is Aurogra 100?

Aurogra 100, a potent medication, is designed to combat erectile dysfunction effectively. It belongs to the class of PDE-5 inhibitors, working wonders by relaxing the blood vessels in the penile region, allowing for increased blood flow during sexual arousal.

How it works to improve sexual health

Once you take Aurogra 100, it targets the enzyme responsible for restricting blood flow to the penis. By inhibiting this enzyme, it facilitates a steady and robust blood flow, leading to firmer and longer-lasting erections. It's the magic you've been searching for!

Benefits of Aurogra 100

Enhanced blood flow to the penis

One of the primary benefits of Aurogra 100 sildenafil is its ability to revitalize your blood circulation. With improved blood flow to the penis, you can bid farewell to erectile struggles and welcome heightened sensations and pleasure.

Increased stamina and performance

Regaining your lost stamina and sexual prowess is now within reach. Aurogra 100 not only helps you achieve firm erections but also enables you to sustain them, allowing for more extended and satisfying sessions in the bedroom.

Boosted confidence and self-esteem

Erectile dysfunction can income a toll on your self-assurance and confidence. But with Aurogra 100, you can confidently step into intimate moments, knowing you have the support to perform at your best. Embrace a renewed sense of self-assurance and unleash your true potential.

Proper Usage and Dosage

Recommended dosage guidelines

When it comes to using Aurogra 100, it's crucial to follow the prescribed dosage as advised by your healthcare professional. Typically, a 100mg tablet is recommended, taken orally with a glass of water, around 30-60 minutes before engaging in sexual activity.

Precautions and potential side effects

While Aurogra 100 offers remarkable benefits, it's essential to be aware of potential side effects. Mild headaches, dizziness, and facial flushing are common, but they usually subside quickly. However, if you experience severe side effects, seek medical attention promptly.

Real-life Success Stories

John's Journey to Renewed Intimacy

Meet John, a 45-year-old struggling with erectile dysfunction for years. Feeling defeated, he sought help from his doctor, who introduced him to Aurogra 100. With skepticism, John decided to give it a try. To his surprise, the results were astounding! Aurogra 100 brought back his confidence, and he reignited the spark in his relationship.

Sarah's Story of Rediscovering Passion

Sarah, 50, had been facing intimacy issues that affected her relationship with her partner. Aurogra 100 provided a much-needed solution. Now, Sarah feels more youthful and adventurous in the bedroom, experiencing pleasures she thought were lost forever.

Conclusion

If erectile dysfunction has been holding you back, it's time to take charge of your sexual health. Aurogra 100 has shown its effectiveness in helping countless individuals regain their confidence and intimacy. Don't let ED control your life; embrace Aurogra 100 and unlock a world of pleasure and satisfaction.

Remember, always consult your doctor before starting any new medication, and take that first step towards reclaiming your sexual health today!

[alpileancanada544]

Alpilean Canada Reviews, Benefits, How to Use, Advantages 2023, Where to Buy

Alpilean Canada Reviews is a blend of healthy substances, organic extracts and natural ingredients that efficiently burn fat. The formula offers incredible healthy results with nutrients and antioxidants present in a blend together. There are no complexities involved in using Alpilean but permanent weight loss results that accompany you forever.

click here to buy now from official website of Alpilean

What is Alpilean? Alpilean is a natural blend offering faster weight loss, cutting the fat layers from all parts of the body. It contains scientifically proven ingredients like African mango extract, moringa extract, ginger, and many others, each offering a unique role in weight loss.

There are so many testimonials suggesting how this product has helped them lose weight. And if it has helped them, it will work for the rest too. The product works alone, which means it does not require the user to follow a specific diet or spend hours at the gym. However, weight loss is faster when Alpilean is used alongside dietary and lifestyle improvements.

Only one capsule of Alpilean is enough to activate a faster metabolism. Within a few days, the results show visibly, and they get better with time. If you have more than ten pounds to lose, consider a three or six bottle pack for a complete weight loss transformation. How Does Alpilean Help In Weight Loss? In simplest words, Alpilean works by improving the core body temperature and using it to trigger weight loss. There are so many studies confirming that high inner body temperature indicates a healthy metabolism. Most lean bodies show a high core body temperature, which is significantly low in obese bodies. The high core temperature means the body is supercharged and works effectively for breaking down and using sugar from the food. The muscles remain warm, more calories are burnt, and the body maintains its temperature on its own.

The official Alpilean website explains this link between body temperature and metabolism, saying the decrease in core body temperature makes the metabolic rate slow. Using this supplement makes it easy to raise the temperature without any unwanted effects. When the core body temperature increases, the heating starts to burn the accumulated fat layers. This energy is used to run cellular functions, and the body experiences weight loss without changing energy levels.

Another interesting fact is that people do not know that the core body temperature and skin health are connected too. The core body temperature improves skin health by promoting rejuvenation and retaining elasticity. That is why, when a person tries unnatural weight loss plans, their skin shows it all. Only a healthy weight loss like offered by Alpilean maintains skin health along with other benefits while the body goes through a metabolism transition.

These effects only show up when Alpilean is used regularly, without skipping days and missing the dosage. Remember, there are no magic people to help with weight loss, and even the most successful and popular diet pills require a personal effort from the user to show the desired results. Weight loss is slow in some people, but consistency is the key. Most of them are able to see visible changes in their body weight within three to six months of weight management plans.

click here to buy now from official website of Alpilean Alpilean Ingredients And Their Benefits One way to identify a legit company is by checking the ingredients list on the website or product label. The companies hide this information because they do not want users to know about their secret ingredients. But no such concern relates to Alpilean because the ingredients are already highlighted on the website.

This information suggests the Alpilean diet pills are made with cirrus, ginger, moringa, algae, and other medicinal ingredients. Some of these are still used in traditional medicines and remedies; also, scientific proof is available for their efficiency and safety.

Please read the following to know the Alpilean ingredients and their working, as per the official website.

Golden Algae (Fucoxanthin)

The primary ingredient in the Alpilean weight loss formula is fucoxanthin, a compound from a seaweed called golden or brown algae. It is a part of many weight loss supplements for its role in obesity management, cognitive health, bone health, and other roles.

Dika Nuts

This ingredient is also famous as African Mango Seeds and has a long history of usage in burning fat and improving metabolism. It also relieves digestive issues like bloating, gas, indigestion, diarrhea, etc., during the weight loss journey. Some studies reveal it also benefits against high blood pressure and sugar levels.

Drumstick Tree Leaf

Also famous as ‘Moringa’ the tree of life, this Alpilean ingredient has been used in medicines for centuries. It regulates metabolism, blood pressure, sugar level, cholesterol, and many other risk factors that play a role in obesity management. It also improves the core body temperature, increasing metabolic rate while providing an unlimited supply of antioxidants to the body.

Citrus Bioflavonoids

Alpilean also has citrus bioflavonoids, which is taken from the bigarade orange. Not only it improves digestion, but it also lowers oxidative stress, heals the damage caused at the cellular level, boosts immunity, and plays many other roles too.

Ginger

For centuries in traditional medicine, ginger has been particularly popular in traditional Korean and Chinese medicine, where it’s used as an overall health and wellness remedy. In Alpilean, the same ginger can target inner temperature, helping to normalize body temperature to accelerate metabolism and fat burning. Alpilean also claims to maintain tooth and gum health, support healthy muscles, and provide other benefits.

Turmeric

The last one on this list is turmeric, a thermogenic ingredient that helps maintain body temperature and initiate metabolism. Most scientific data is on its anti-inflammatory action, and it also means it lowers the temperature. This temperature regulation leads to improved cardiovascular health, skin, kidney, and liver function, alongside a metabolic boost.

These ingredients work together without changing each other’s effects. There is no way any of them can cause an unwanted effect. Do not use this supplement if you are prescribed medication. Also, stick to the usage guidelines and avoid experiments for a safe experience. For the best results, start using Alpilean with a healthy diet and moderate physical activity every day.

click here to buy now from official website of Alpilean

[dashinghealth]

Asthma Treatment - How Asthma Sufferers Can Be More Active

Discover the key to asthma relief forever with this comprehensive guide to treating and managing asthma. Get more active today with these easy-to-implement tips!

A frequent chronic inflammatory condition that affects the airways is asthma. Bronchitis, reversible airflow obstruction, and recurrent and changeable symptoms all define this illness. Patients who have asthma should follow their treatment plan, collaborate with their doctor and other healthcare providers, and take an active role in managing their condition.

Controlling symptoms effectively involves avoiding situations that could set off an asthma attack and managing ailments that might interfere with your asthma treatment regimen.

The severity of a person's symptoms when they have asthma defines the condition. People who are having an asthma attack may find it frightening at times. Shortness of breath, wheezing, and chest tightness are the typical signs of an asthma attack. In extreme circumstances, a person's ability to breathe might be significantly hampered, such as when they can hear themselves wheezing.

A person with asthma should be aware of how crucial it is to have a personalized and detailed asthma treatment plan for controlling and monitoring their symptoms. They should be aware that the best ways to manage their asthma disease include using medicine, minimizing allergen exposure, and having tests done to determine how severe the symptoms are.

Asthma relief can be achieved through proactive lifestyle changes and avoiding triggers. Taking steps like reducing stress levels, addressing allergens in the home, and changing unhealthy habits can have lasting positive effects on asthma outcomes. It is also important to create a supportive environment at work, school or any other place you frequently visit to minimize the chance of exposure to triggers.

Asthma patients who receive medical care from a skilled doctor and medical staff can take back control of their health and lead active, fulfilling lives. The importance of follow-up medical care in the management of asthma will primarily depend on how effectively the patient's treatment plan is managing their symptoms and preventing asthma attacks.

Finding permanent relief from asthma can seem like an uphill battle, especially if an individual often encounters environmental triggers which make their condition worse. However, identifying and eliminating potential triggers at home, work, school or other areas one frequently visits can go a long way in effectively controlling and managing asthma flare-ups for the long-term.

When an individual's asthma won't stay under control, a doctor may need to increase the dose of the patient's medication. When an asthma patient's condition has been under good control for several months, their doctor may be able to reduce the dosage. A person with asthma must therefore continue receiving therapy for the disease from their doctor in order to keep the best possible control over their condition while also utilizing the least quantity of medication.

Groups including pregnant women, children, or individuals who develop asthma symptoms as a result of specific physical activities like exercise should seek the medical attention of a skilled doctor for asthma therapy. To meet their unique demands, some patients' treatments may need to be modified.

Read Also: Drug and Non-drug Treatment for Asthma in Pregnancy

  How can you help?

Reduce your breathing is the easy solution. Keep in mind that asthma cannot endure restricted breathing. Make sure to warm up your lungs before working out. Walk for 3–5 minutes. Inhaling too much air is dangerous, so make sure you are breathing via your nose.

After a while, continue to go forward while taking brief breath holds. Take a little breath in and a small breath out, and then hold your breath for three to five steps as you exhale. Then slowly inhale through your nose once more. Continue walking while taking quiet, gentle breaths through your nose for another 30 seconds, and then repeat the breath holds.

Do this for 5 to 10 minutes to warm up your lungs. You are now prepared to take part. Additionally, it's crucial if you have asthma, that you exercise or play sports while breathing through your nose. Asthma brought on by exercise can develop if you attempt to mouth breathe because you will breathe in too much air.

Why do you do this?

So, if you're playing soccer, you warm up as previously mentioned, and then you play the majority of the game while breathing through your nose. Asthma cannot withstand restricted breathing, so if you must sprint while using your mouth to breathe, make sure to attempt to settle down your breathing as soon as possible and go back to using your nose.

Asthma won't be activated if you maintain as much calm and quiet breathing as you can. If you run, only work out at a rate that allows you to nose breathe. This will be challenging at first, and you won't be able to do as much, but over time, you'll be able to increase your tolerance for exercise and the amount of activity you can perform while nose breathing, with the added benefit of preventing exercise-induced asthma.

Keep in mind to warm up your lungs as directed. After exercise, slow down your breathing to help you relax. Make sure to stop breathing like you're out on the soccer field and instead bring your breathing down to peaceful, at-rest levels.

Don't feed the asthma monster; if you always breathe deeply, slowly, and through your nose, you'll be able to keep it at bay.

If you’re looking to get asthma relief for good, there are certain lifestyle changes that you can make. By cutting down on your exposure to common asthma triggers and making positive modifications at home, work, school, or other places you visit frequently, you can reduce the severity of your asthma symptoms and gain more control over them.

[stella-888]

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF WRINKLE RELAXERS?

What You Should Know About Wrinkle Relaxers

When applied to the face, wrinkle relaxers prevent the facial muscles from contracting quickly. Facial and forehead wrinkles are a typical result of chronic muscle tension. It will be reflected if you make a face, whether it’s a smile or a frown.

Creams used to reduce the appearance of wrinkles typically contain a protein solution that has been purified. When injected, the fluid prevents nerve terminals from receiving chemical impulses. As a result of the injection, the muscle will not receive the stimulants that normally induce movement.

Because of their effectiveness, wrinkle relaxers have recently gone mainstream. Similarly, scheduling an appointment is a breeze. A few injections are all that’s required, rather than invasive surgery.

Wrinkle relaxers are the easiest and least expensive method of facial care, but other treatments, such as dermal filler treatment, vampire facials, and stem cell therapy, should not be discounted.

An injection is so simple that it does not affect the skin. There is zero risk of redness, peeling, or abrasions. No matter how often the brain orders the muscles to move, they refuse to comply. Your muscles should get some much-needed rest now with wrinkle relaxers.

What Are the Benefits of Wrinkle Relaxers?

Muscles are like women; they feel refreshed after a good night’s sleep. Wrinkles can be less noticeable after muscle tension has been relieved. It will have an air of freshness and youth about it.

There have been no reports of adverse reactions or skin abnormalities associated with this medication. The wrinkles relaxer is effective on all skin tones and face muscle counts. Because no instruments, light energy, or chemicals are used during the treatment, anyone can have it done.

It’s a small enterprise, it’s secure, and it’s easy to get to. Furthermore, the effects of wrinkle relaxers do not last forever. If you change your mind, you can stop the process when it ultimately wears out, and the results will go away naturally.

The aesthetics team will be working to strike a delicate balance. They’re going for a classic, understated style rather than one that’s too edgy or experimental. It’s preferable to maintain a natural appearance rather than over-treat wrinkles with creams.

For How Long Will Wrinkle Relaxers Work?

The creases will return after the treatment has worn off, which can take up to four months. To keep your youthful appearance, it’s best to get the procedure at regular intervals. The cumulative effects of treatment improve with frequency.

What if it seems like the treatment isn’t working? Patients with larger or more active muscles will need higher dosages. You may need another wrinkle relaxer appointment to achieve your ideal results.

Wrinkle relaxers work for most people, but a tiny percentage don’t benefit from them. As a result, you must go through a consultation before the surgery.

Your Wrinkle Relaxer Appointment

There won’t be any noticeable changes after your first treatment. However, rest assured that this is natural and that the treatment’s effects will gradually become apparent. You should start to feel better within two or three days, and at the longest, after two weeks. As a matter of course, the length of time it takes to feel its effects can vary greatly.

One common concern among potential wrinkle relaxers consumers is whether they may cause discomfort. You won’t feel any pain from the injection because the needles used to administer the solution are small.

Some red lumps may form immediately after treatment, but they will go away within 20-30 minutes. Similarly, bruises may appear, but these, too, will go away once a few days have passed. Take the medication your doctor prescribes to help the bruising fade faster.

Similarly, you should take whatever medicine your doctor recommends if you get a headache. Headaches are unusual, but when they do occur, they usually only last a short time.

Avoid massaging or touching the injection site. Due to their unique placement, moving the wrinkle relaxers can cause chaos. The effectiveness may be reduced, and it may even have unintended consequences.

Wrinkle Relaxers Aftermath: What You Should Do and Not Do

Do’s

Please remain seated as often as possible for the next four hours after your treatment. As a result, the blood will be able to flow more easily.

Facial muscles should be moved about. Try out several expressions in front of a mirror to fine-tune your acting skills. Wrinkle creams can then more precisely target the problem muscles.

Dont’s

After your treatment, take it easy for at least 48 hours. Exercising, which boosts blood flow, will cause the wrinkle relaxers to be distributed too widely and have less effect.

Avoid applying excessive force to the healed area. This will prevent the wrinkle relaxers from working where they are intended to.

Do not wrap the treated region in a tight bandage or underwear.

It would be best if you didn’t rub the affected area. Some people may get headaches after using wrinkle relaxers. It’s best to see a doctor rather than try to massage the pain away on your own.

You shouldn’t rub it even if you don’t have a headache.

Takeaway

The use of wrinkle relaxers is a highly effective method of reducing the appearance of wrinkles. It’s easy to use, trustworthy, and convenient. Restoring your youthful vitality is as easy as getting an injection.

We provide a wide range of cosmetic services at LOURE Aesthetics S Corp, including injectable wrinkle relaxers. Get in touch with us for all your beauty aid needs.

[not-available-for-comment]

As an aside, kind of amazing how much of my personal insomnia has boiled down to

1. Eat more balanced dinners so you don’t wake up hungry

2. Get plenty of exercise

3. Go on anti anxiety meds

4. You can’t breathe, take your allergy meds

The annoying thing is that my normal body signals don’t seem to work in the middle of the night. I’ll just be Awake and have to work down the list to figure out why.

Usually not exercising enough interferes with falling asleep and sleep quality but doesn’t lead to being Awake at 4am or whatever. So I’ll lie there tossing and turning and promising myself I’ll go on a long walk the next day and eventually I’ll sleep a bit and that’ll be the end of it.

Needing allergy meds can interfere with going to sleep, staying asleep and going back to sleep. I did more tossing and turning last night than I expected and since I got plenty of exercise yesterday I’m guessing the issue is that I should’ve taken my allergy meds, because my sinuses have been bastards recently. Watch for waking up gasping or holding your breath. If you wake up gasping and don’t have sinus problems, talk to a doctor about getting checked for sleep apnea.

Waking up hungry is the weirdest one because I don’t feel at all hungry, just Awake. I can usually figure out through the process of elimination that I’m hungry. I like oatmeal (porridge) for my snack at these times because it’s quick (I keep 1 minute oats in the house for times like these) and filling without being heavy or rich. Before I went on anti anxiety meds I’d often start spiraling because I was very alert and slightly tense from being hungry but not aware of it.

Anti anxiety meds are self-explanatory. If you wake up at 3 am convinced that everything is broken forever and it’s your job to fix it but you can’t because you suck: even if there’s kernels of truth there, your brain is broken and not helping and you need medical treatment. I’m fortunate that a big fuckoff dosage of Lexapro and a therapist did the trick.

Obviously other people have insomnia for different reasons: this is exclusively my experience with it. But I don’t see this kind of trouble-shooting talked about much. It’s all about avoiding screen time and never doing non-sleep activities in bed. So maybe it’ll help a few people with similar issues.

Didn’t want much dinner so now of course I’m up eating oatmeal before dawn because I was too hungry to sleep

[terrence-silver]

I saw that one person recommending you the movie Phantom Thread and I was thinking: What if you wrote something of that variety for us? Maybe old man Terry is so passionately in love and positively enamoured he's progressively poisoning his younger Beloved with food to maintain himself in absolute control of them and ensure they're forever dependable of him?

What people never realize is that war isn't always fought with firearms.

Sometimes, it is fought with subterfuge, planning, propaganda.

Several kinds of psychological warfare and venom.

Poison. An underrated aspect of combat. Terry's picked up a few tricks in 'Nam. He wasn't in his prime then. He wasn't even close. In fact, he was in better shape now, entering his seventh decade of being alive than he was at seventeen. But, back in the days he made do in other ways. Through cunning. Manipulation. Powders, herbs, plants and crushing them in mortars and trays. Devising pesticides to plague the village wells suspected of Vietcong activity, Terry did as a snake does. He'd weaponize his own venom, like a true cobra does. Now, almost half a century later, was no different. This was a different type of war, though. You were younger than him. Far younger. Of course, regardless of his own age, Terry was never insecure of age differences. He’s relished in them! To be a Billionaire was the same as being a man in his prime. The problem here was, he cared about you. A bit too much. For sure, too much. He loathed people looking at you and trying to make their idiotic small talk around you and the way their gazes idly lingered and their fingers brushing against your skin during a handshake.The irises of their eyes widening when you’d walk into the picture. Like hooks, their interest and curiosity on you, ready to grab you. Whispering discreetly. Weaving their gossip. Terry despised it. 

He’d lie if he didn’t fantasize about you being old. As old as he was.

Old, and sick, furthermore. His love relegated to the mansion bedroom.

That way, he’d have a convenient excuse. Oh? They never leave the house. My private physician from Beverly Hills has advised against it. They can’t come out and socialize, no. They’re very weak. They’re tragically afflicted. They’ve a scheduled doctor’s appointment at ten. He ponders that notion, mashing together a special love extract. So sorry to hear that, Mr. Silver, people would say. We didn’t know. Anything we can do to help? What an immaculately tactical way that would be to swerve anyone from even contemplating getting close to you, but as things were, you were young and fresh and sweet and Terry had to lean on some extreme measures to put you on a leveled playing field. He was an old man. He maintained himself. Kept in prime and proper shape. He was exceedingly strong and agile, overcoming withe capabilities of much younger people with ease, but age was still age. He was irked by the control it exerted upon him. How he’d be seventy when you’re still beaming. Eighty when you’re in the prime of your life. Dead by then time you...barely scrape entering your forties. So, venomous mushrooms it is. The ever-oblivious, slightly naive René doesn’t know what he’s serving you, except that he’s following Terry’s direct orders, always eager to please. Naturally, it wouldn’t do you harm, in carefully curated, measured dosages. You’d merely get sick. Feverish. End up bed ridden. Beaded in sweat. Helpless to do much else but lay between the sheets, flat on your back, only short of dying. Right where he wanted you. Naturally, he’d have nurses and pills and doctors on stand. He was no savage.

Terry was no savage, but he was a self-confessed sadist.

He supposed...there was a beauty to you being in this state.

Red in the face, moist with your own salt, mouth parted, struggling.

It turned him on. This was desire. Possession. Need. This was an act of love. He wouldn’t do this if he didn’t love you. Care for you. Feel as intensely as he did for you. You drove him mad, so in a sense it was your doing. Terry wouldn’t have done this if you weren’t his. If he didn’t intend to keep it that way too. No, no. Nobody had to understand but Terry. You must become his ingenue that never leave mansion premises. Yes. That was perfect. Never seen. Never heard from. Never leered at. Safe in your own abode. Nobody would ever remark on your youth compared to him ever again. Nobody would question it. Stare. Watch. Why? Because you’d be sick. Always sick. Always in need of care. Always in need of his assistance. Whenever he felt merciful and wished to enjoy your mellow, precious disposition once more as an old man’s comfort and maintain it all for himself you’d recover, only to fall sick again and you’d be his forever. René would bring you your daily dosage of nourishment and food carted in for your pleasure (and because you’d have difficulties doing so yourself at that point, if his calculations were correct) and you would be none the wiser. Nobody would be the wiser. It is just that people do some baffling things when they’re in love and Terry was ever inch of his being just that with you.

This was it --- adoration.

And a bit of seasoned Death Cap Amanita Phalloides.