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waumpel · 4 years ago

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ADHD STUDY TIPS

I have adhd. I'm taking all online classes this semester for college. Somehow, I'm not failing. Here's what I do that works for me!

1. I have an alarm that makes me do math every morning to turn it off, it's called Alarmy! 📚

2. It also plays a different loud sound every day from random-- I have several hundred(?) ringtones downloaded from Zedge, things like songs from shows I like or Pokemon cries or MBMBAM lines, and this helps me wake up to a different sound I'm bound to like which my brain can't get used to (and then ignore). I highly suggest godzilla roars if you need to be startled awake. 📚

3. This is SUPER HARD but I always try to force myself to sit up in bed when I'm turning off my alarm or checking my phone or whatever, so I'm not tempted to pass out again. I also like to get up and loudly tell my cats "good morning" so I wake us both up 📚

4. PLEASE STOP EATING CEREAL AND BAGELS AND STUFF. You would not BELIEVE the difference it makes when you eat things like fruits and eggs in the morning. NO MORE 10AM NAPS, I'M WATCHING YOU 📚

5. I literally schedule in Duolingo time. If you aren't learning a language you can do some other enriching activity like this, idk. I force myself to do it on my computer, not phone, so I can't lay down in bed when I'm doin it. I have a 101-day streak!! 📚

6. ik this isn't available to everyone but SPACE MATTERS SO MUCH!! I got a gaming desk that we put in our living room and I do ALL of my homework there. I also got a second monitor for my laptop with is SOOOO important if you're multitasking (and we all are, bc we're adhders ibdusvcjkn) 📚

7. HAND WRITE YOUR NOTES!!! I know this is super hard for many people-- I have carpal tunnel so I get it lmao. If you can't, at least type them. YOU THINK YOU CAN MEMORIZE INFO BUT YOU'RE WRONG!! Please write as much as you can i swear it will change ur life 📚

8. COLOURED! PENS!!! These changed the game for me y'all. I take all my notes in at least 2 colours, and I cycle through them a lot. My favs are Pilot Frixions because u can erase them :) (the highlighters are epic too) 📚

9. Make your space fun, but NOT DISTRACTING. I have a plant (his name is Yoshi) and a desk Godzilla (his name is Godzilla) on my desk, but they're out of the way so I can't zone out starin at em. But also, when I'm bored outta my gourd, I can smile at Yoshi and tell him how my day is goin :] 📚

10. SNACKING BAD *BUT*... sometimes i do it anyway... i try to associate certain foods with subjects, like I eat cocoa M&Ms (which are awesome) when I'm reading my Kaqchikel textbook. On the upside, I think it helps me recall Kaqchikel better? but also the language makes me crave mnms adkldigurvn 📚

11. LISTEN TO... CERTAIN MUSIC. I have learned that music with words, even in LANGS I DO NOT KNOW, is HELL for my adhd. Right now I'm listening to stuff like "Pokemon and Chill" (lofi album on YT), Studio Ghibli violin covers, and Night on Bald Mountain 5x on repeat ibjnvc.... I highly suggest songs/videos that are, like, 20+ minutes or else you'll get distracted with the constant change. Also, that No One's Around To Help 1hr vid is REALLY REPETITIVE and therefore PERFECT for when I'm reading textbooks. 📚

12. EVERY NIGHT... i make a super detailed timetable schedule for the next day, down to the half hour. I don't always follow it but it's a really good reminder of what I gotta do. I write it on a whiteboard but sometimes I also write it on a sticky note and on social media so I don't forget. To do lists are so epic you guys 📚

13. THIS HAS SAVED MY L I F E: at the beginning of the semester I looked at ALL of my syllabi and wrote down EVERY daily task, test, homework, etc BY DATE. this is essentially a premade to do list EVERY DAY for MONTHS and oh my gosh it is the best thing I have ever done. 📚

14. I use the Forest app to track my productivity AND lock me out of apps ndsjv... podomoro timers work well too!!! 📚

15. Ok so for me this is like... a religious thing bc my Patron (my God) is a deity of fire AND working, but I like to light a candle (scented like FALL!!) and do a little prayer on it and I have it next to me when I'm workin on terrible, terrible homework. It helps me feel like my Patron is here with me, but also it’s GREAT for grounding and I can just kinda. Stare blankly at the flame and then get back to tryin to focus. 📚

16. Please drink water lmao, to make sure I drink enough I set little goals like "take a sip after every paragraph you read" 📚

17. Each of my classes has a different coloured notebook which I'm consistent with! Like, all my German notebooks through the years have been green! Also I take notes w green pens a lot in Deutsch 📚

18. HELLA STICKY NOTES... I put em on the bottom of my monitor, on a shelf by my desk, in my books as bookmarks (bad idea lol), on Yoshi. When I wanna go look up something random but I need to focus, I like to write it down on sticky notes to look at later. 📚

19. I'm the most annoying student ever. I like to do a bunch of assignments at once so I don't have to budget my time later, so I'll turn in like 5 things in an hour and then NOTHING for a week. ALSO i email my teachers constantly if I have any questions at all. I work at a pace that works for me!!! 📚

20. I turn off my sound on my phone until I'm done with work bc otherwise I WILL open that notification 📚

22. I make a loooot of chai (and also some overpriced herbal teas). It makes me feel fancy, it's better for me than coffee, and it helps me ground and focus! Plus it's a samefood! 📚

23. Hyperfixating on classic literature would be awesome, except I'm hyperfixating on Gothic and I'm taking a lit class for More Than Just Gothic. But I'm figuring out ways to connect them, which is really helpful, cause I get to enjoy my hyperfixation while learning for school! PLZ TRY TO DO THIS (harder when you're hyperfixating on godzilla :pensivecowboy:) 📚

21. When I have extra time I write my notes like I'm plannin to put em on Tumblr and taggin em as #darkacademia... I never post my notes, but when they look nice it's easier for me to look over em later. Plus it takes me longer to write so I remember it a lil better!! 📚

24. I'm in an awesome academia + studyspo server!! We sometimes study together on call and it's SUCH a good motivator! Here's an invite link if u wanna join, we are nice https://discord.gg/fjuX7TN (this wasn’t meant to be a promo post I just really like this group lol) 📚

OK I hope that helps!!! Feel free to add more if you have any tips that work for you :) Neurotypicals, feel free to RB respectfully!

(pics are: syllabus list, daily schedule, Yoshi the plant, and some fancy notes)

#studyspo #studying #studyblr #study breaks #study tips #study motivation #adhd #adhd study tips #adhd studyblr #long post #dark acadamia aesthetic #light academia #dark academia #grey academia #chaotic academia #actually neurodiverse #actuallynd #academia

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xsilver-wings · 3 years ago

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➤ devil’s on your shoulder. strangers in your head. as if you don’t remember; as if you can’t forget. it’s only been a moment. it’s only been a lifetime. but tonight, you’re a stranger.

@dionsblood oops i did a thing~ .3.

So, I couldn't help myself from vidding Lex and Xia again because damn. I just love them so much. This doesn't follow the same timeline as the other video I made for them, as that was an arranged marriage au. This follows more along with their main verses.

So, Xia and Lex obviously knew each other as children. Their parents were close and thus they were close as well. They were basically as best of friends as they could be for being long-distance friends. Then, Xia's kingdom got invaded. Her father and sister disappeared (presumed dead). Her mother died in front of her eyes, and Xia was shipped off to Daggerfall, paid to be their Prince's bride. On her sixteenth birthday, however, she faked her death by drinking a potion that stilled her heart.

Xia ran from her past, living a new life under a new name. Later, in Skyrim, she was revealed to be the Dragonborn. She doesn't handle this great, hating the thought of being a hero, and soon finds herself entangled with the Dark Brotherhood. Not only is she the Dragonborn, though, she is also the Listener. This, however, she finds more peace in being. She feels this is more fitting for her, for who she thinks she has become.

When she is tasked with killing Emperor Titus Mede II, she has no qualms. She confronts him, blaming him for not coming to save her mother — to save her. She kills him because she has been contracted to (and Titus urges her to do it), but also because she holds so much resentment inside of her. The only inkling of regret she has is that she took away Lex's father and forced him into an early role as the emperor.

Then, one day, Xia gets another contract. Date, location, and appearance are all she is given. When she arrives, she follows the description she was given and almost follows through with it — her blade already digging into his throat — until she realizes that it was Lex that she was contracted to kill. She drops her dagger and lets him live — something that she is afraid will have bad ramifications, but how could she kill her childhood friend?

So, Lex and Xia sit down and talk. They learn about each other all over again, as many years have passed in between. The memories, both good and bad.

Who is to say, then, what their future holds. Who is to say that they don't become close once more? I do imagine, though, that if anyone were to convince Xia to take an army to Daggerfall and to also reclaim Wayrest, it would be Lex. This is why I included a part where they reclaim the ruined kingdom. What Barynia is doing during this time is a ~mystery~ as I didn't work that out looool. I will eventually tho because that sounds just as angsty and fun.

Who is Xia talking about when she says "He loved me?" Idk. Someone. Anyone. lol. But Xia has always had a hard time with love. She has always feared losing the people she gets close to because of what happened to her family and her kingdom. She can never admit that she loves someone. But Lex? Shit, maybe she's always loved him. I imagine that being a hard realization for her. Eventually, though, she would admit it. She wouldn't be able to keep it in any longer. But she'd still be afraid (which makes their potential end even more angsty like omg).

I'll leave it up to Gumball as to whether or not that ending bit where Lex is saying "You gave me peace in a lifetime of war" is when Lex dies~ (: Because that happens in the main verse and it is ANGSTY.

Also, I imagine the part with the quote "Devil's on my shoulder. Stranger's in my head. I don't want to remember. I want to forget." is what Xia is saying, that she wants to forget all of the horrible things that happened in her childhood. Then the part with the quote "Devil's on my shoulder. Stranger's in my head. I want to remember. I don't want to forget." is Lex, saying he doesn't want to forget all the great parts of their shared experiences prior to the invasion.

And yes, the video doesn't go in order. Because it didn't work out that way with the lyrics. So, just bear that in mind.

#☾✦ ❝i must be cruel to be kind❞ ➤ videos ✦☽#☾❂ alexandros mede i ❂☽#☾✦ xia silver-wing ✦☽#☾♡ ❝Love comforeth like sunshine after rain❞ ➤ lex & xia ♡☽#(holy crap this video is over five minutes long)#(that's such a long video!)#(and tbh i probably could have kept going)#(which just means i'll have to make many more videos of them lol)#(i'm glad i managed to make it because i was staring at the blank project file for like hours)

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resonating-kitty · 3 years ago

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Yeah! Dream is such a shitty gross person, I hope he fucking quits MCC even better if he gets hit by a car or something lol. <3

Well that last bit is a little extreme. He is from Florida so bold of you to assume he wouldn't just jump over the car or something. /j But seriously Anon wishing death on anyone, even some 21 year old successful nerd we don't even know, isn't nice.

First bits entirely your opinion, you think he's bad then I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise. To each their own.

As I was when I heard Techno would no longer be playing, I would probably be sad to see Dream not participate.

(Even though I have never watched, with exceptions of a few clips here and there, nor will I ever watch Dream's POV during an MCC. His POV is not one I personally enjoy and I prefer the chiller CCs, ie Philza.)

But, it appears to me as though the MCC tournaments are leaving Dream with more of a sour taste in his mouth. I mean they won this last MCC and he still feels the need to make a post about how the point system wasn't fair to him and his "strengths". They won.... they literally won.

I also recall Dream has said in the not so distant past that MCC wasn't fun/enjoyable anymore since Techno wasn't playing any longer. Which tells me that the only thing Dream cared about during MCCs was trying to best Technoblade. (While Techno was force to try hard because of the pressure and expectation that was put on him and he wasn't able to just enjoy playing with his friends. But this is just my opinion based loosely on posts and other's opinions that I have seen)

Now I'm still fairly new to MCC as a whole and I don't know everything because I haven't hunted down every single video of past MCCs out there. I've watched the one where SBI took the win and that is pretty much it. There are a whole fandom full of people who are more experienced in this subject that I myself am so they can provide a better opinion or argument on the subject.

I don't hate Dream. I'm very neutral on him. I watch his YT vids when I have time and I like his dsmp character and am looking forward to his lore. I certainly wouldn't want see him quit MCC but if he's not having fun and if his toxicity/criticism of the event is going to start making the whole tournament less enjoyable then he should retire or at the very least take a couple of tournaments off to cool down and maybe touch some grass.

#dream critical #mcc #thoughts and opinions #mcc discourse #anon ask

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hobidreams · 3 years ago

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⚠️long ass ask ahead!!⚠️

AHHHH MISS RAIN!! i finally finished translating the song lol (i finished it on christmas day lmao) !!

i actually made a playlist for mlt!! i started adding songs to it around nov of last year and kept on adding more songs as time went by :>> anyways, onto the song that i translated!!

i had to add some stuff in brackets so it would flow a lot better, but i hope you don’t mind!! this is my first time translating a song so if there are errors… Please Look Away lol

Last Moment (Huling Sandali)

[i] can’t stop the rush in my heart

whenever i get close to you/approach you

may i have your hand?

hold it and never let go?

[i] can’t stop the way my heart beats

every time i’m looking at you

will you stay by my side?

because soon…

the night where no one will stop us is coming

if not now,

i will hope that yesterday will be returned

even for just a moment,

free the hearts that can’t be stopped

i hope it will be us at the last chance

that you can [still] be mine

i can’t stop the chaos in my mind

and it’s like nothing hurts more

[than] the memories of you i can’t forget

only time knows…

if the night where no one can stop us will soon come

if not now, then can i only hope that yesterday will come back?

even for just a moment,

free the hearts that can’t be stopped

i hope it will be us at the last chance

that is no longer ours

and with every minute, i still won’t learn

even if they force me [to be] with someone else, i will wait for you

you are the one with me at the last moment (the word used in the lyrics is “kapiling” which has a very tender undertone to it🥺)

would it be a sin if our hearts were to win?

even for just a moment,

free the hearts that can’t be stopped

i hope it will be us at the last chance

that is no longer ours

even for just a moment,

forgive the hearts that never stopped for the two of us,

[at] the wrong chance that you could have been mine

hehehe that is all!! there is another filipino song in the playlist, but there are English translations available for it!! it’s called “araw-araw” and directly translates to everyday. i think this one is a pretty good translation for it hehehe. (oh and for some reason they translated one of the lines in the bridge as “i will choose nothing but loving you fully”, but it can also be translated as “you are the only one i will love fully”!)

man this ask is getting long but fuck it lol i hope tumblr doesnt eat this ask BUT. remember that song i mentioned a few months ago where i said i was scared that the situation in the song would come true for the mlt couple?? it’s this song!!!! the title translates to “in our next lifetime”, and there are eng subs in the vid hehehe

whew ok that is ALL!! im sorry for clogging up ur dash but i had to get this all out hehehehehhee thank you so so much for writing mlt🥺 i honestly don’t know what to do w myself now that it’s over and my friends and i did have a mild breakdown after the last chapter hAHASJLFLG

hope ur doing well miss rain heeheheh ily🥺 -🌿

BABEEEEE!!!! omg THANK YOU SO MUCH for making a playlist???? i love so many of the songs you put in 🥺 that Sweet Night!!!! and It's You!!! ahh 🌹 you are so lovely. NO PLS dont apologize im sure you did a fantastic translation 💖 i so appreciate your taking the time to bring me even more beautiful music. im particularly soft to the lines "may i have your hand?" and "even for just a moment, / free the hearts that can’t be stopped / i hope it will be us at the last chance" 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 the absolute LONGING omg... i am so so so weak for it. im gonna be listening to this playlist as i write my novel 🥺🌹 thank you so much for all this stuff to enjoy like... i'm so touched you took the time to share it 💞💕 im gonna listen to the two songs you linked rn!!!

thank YOU so much for reading and for sharing with your friends too!!!! i couldnt have gotten here without your support, my lovely 🌿 anon 🥰🥰🥰🥰 please take care 💜 also i totally understand that feeling, lol. im also kind of like ... what now? 🤣 but imma force myself to take a small break first haha!!

#i hope ur keeping safe <3 <3 <3 #rain reply #🌿 anon #moonlit throne

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stray-tori · 4 years ago

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TPN S02E07 Initial Thoughts (anime-only)

[ Reaction Vid with friends ]

I knew about two things in this episode, but that aside, all new stuff for me! I don’t know if it’s because it’s anime-original but quite frankly I don’t want to know. Somehow I’ve convinced myself I won’t care if I know things, but seeing it all unfold is still different - I still WISH i was more blind, obviously, but yeah. I just wish they had more runtime still to cover the final stretch because I do really want to relish this far longer, especially now that I only know like 2 things, one of which likely won’t be relevant in the anime-route.

BUT OH WELL, enough meta emotions. Onto the mess that is my thoughts in my tiny brain trying to comprehend all those factors and making sense of everything.

. Norman’s plan

I find it interesting that Mujika and Sonju are the thing that bothers Norman specifically. Ray asks “so they kept the power for themselves” in regards to the nobles, which to me means they have it (they did eat them). So aren’t they a risk too? Since Norman worries about Mujika using it to give the degenerated demons their bodies back -- though the nobles might not do that since it’d make the folk emancipated. But like, if you have no folk left, there’s nothing to control either...

So my guess why Mujika/Sonju are a bigger risk are:

they’re more unpredictable and might be quicker to counter-act his efforts with their ability

Norman knows WHERE the nobles are and (I’m guessing) has a plan to deal with them - he DOESN’T know where Mujika is so she’s riskier since she’s evading his view of the chessboard quite literally.

I do think I shouldn’t have to read between the lines like that - what’s Norman’s plan with the nobles? Does the drug really not work on them? If so, how will they get rid of them? To be fair, he seems very certain that eliminating Mujika and Sonju won’t be a big problem; so it’s likely that he’d proceed the same way with the nobles (probably lambda squad) - but I would have liked if that very valid concern had come up in the discussion of the plan.

His “safer” plan literally

doesn’t affect the nobles (who might be a small group but still); which goes unaddressed by him. I don’t think he’s not aware of it, since later in the discussion, the thing that bothers him about Emma saying to just get rid of the nobles and the farm humans ISN’T to get rid of them, what he considers implausible is using the noble’s blood / ONLY killing THEM and not all the demons. At least in my opinion.

human enemies (though they might get caught up in the wild demon chaos I guess)

the world will literally be riddled with wild demons for a good while. How is that any safer? I guess he’ll bring everyone to his hideout that was referenced (where he hides all the kids he broke out) and that will be protected from wild demons either by infrastructure or the humans inside -- I guess viewed from that perspective, it does sound like a pretty “safe” plan if it’s just enough of a “fortress” sort of deal.

His plan IS however more “concrete”. Going to the human world is risky because

the gatekeeper, whatever he is. But like, can he just leave the guardian be all the way underground? is that how it works? Won’t he have to get rid of him eventually?

they could be followed there. they could destroy the gate, however that would doom everyone still over there and who knows if the demons could just break the separation in rage.

they could be unwelcome by the humans on the other side. Either because they somehow profit off of the demon world’s human farms or because the humans over there fear the end of the promise and therefore scramble to send them back. idk if they could take an army of children but it’d be a risk for sure, especially if it implies that they would be constantly chased no matter where they go. A life on the run seems unfavorable (but I’d find that super interesting tbh, arc in the human world??).

andit isn’t going to GF (since he agreed to Emma going back for the others in ep6) that concerns him (imo) but actually just the gatekeeper and the risk of the human world that they don’t know about. Norman does know the effect his drug has on demons, because he’s SEEN it. Eliminating the demons is the more concrete option because if there's no demons, there's no-one to restart the cycle or to follow them or to do whatever. Even if nobody needs humans, that's no gurantee nobody will start farming humans again (see the high class, after all).

So I do think he makes sense there, but I also think it’s a bit of stubbornness and pride too.

there's too many factors and my brian is small.

. the dil-emma

Those slight confusions aside, it’s a good dilemma and I relish in it. Nobody could blame them if they did it, but Emma does have a point - do the lower ranks of society hold the blame for what the rich do? - in fact the nobles take all the quality food, leaving their other demons to starve and deform in the lower ranks, even though they don't need it. Did the two demons molded by the system they live in, who just wanted to save literal kids, deserve to die...? The class/capitalism allegory basically writes itself-

Emma is going hard on the parallels and emphasizing with them being living creatures just like them -- and I agree, honestly. Would it be fair to eradicate all of humanity just because the high class / corporations are damning the planet? (some would say yes but YKNOW)

I think Emma has a lot less footing right now -- the upper ranks have all the power, who says it’ll work this time even if they try to turn every demon? Who says they won’t be like the nobles or literally Sonju, one of their “friends” However, I don’t think Emma is being stupid - her concerns are valid. She’s not just doing it for Sonju and Mujika. Though, I still think it’d be interesting if Emma had to change her ideology, not method, this time but... I’m curious how it’ll go.

Tbh I think what it's gonna go for is the middle ground: escape to human world and hope that Sonju and Mujika will help the lower ranks of society and hopefully not be killed. But then again, Sonju wants to eat humans so rip

If they want to ensure some more power to Sonju and Mujika, then 1) flee to human world and kill nobles and farm administration in the process (likely included in part since the gate is in GF) and 2) then hope that demons will just accept their new found peace of not having to chase after humans and just chill in their world.

They probably also can't take every human, so there's always the risk of the cycle just starting anew (especially since as Norman said, some humans also act in self-interest. I'm curious what exactly that self-interest is, aside from getting to live peacefully potentially but even that sounds kind of like a not that epic thing in demon society. unless there's a small village for humans they've deemed worthy and are just throwing there, like what they promised Isabella - or it's just going to the human world I guess WHO KNOWS). and while I did touch upon a sort of "grey" ending for TPN where our group is safe but who knows about the rest, I am actually really curious if that's what they're going for or not. It feels like no matter what I consider something doesn't work out or doesn't feel right.

. the gates (and the human world)

I wish we would have known about gates existing prior to this episode. We never found out WHAT is at the location (just have Exposition James mention it). I understand why the pen only showed one - it’s implied the humans had a base there and of course you’d want to send escapees there and not into a farm’s gate but I think there should have still been a side note in the pen that it’s a gate?? Like clearly the farm already knows about gates if their farm is directly above it, right?? so why try to keep it secret pff-

is the implication that the highest humans are actually from the human side or how can I imagine that?? Is it actually not that rare for some humans to exist on both sides if they’re just high rank enough. A gate has no point if nobody can pass - but I guess maybe it’s just under the farm to protect it? Since you already have all those systems for the farm’s kids, why not double-utilize it as a safeguard.

why are there gates to begin with. I wonder if it's science or if that was a backdoor to the deal - but why would you even need that? I guess for human materials.

But it can’t be that nobody can cross, because I’m assuming the tech/food comes from the human world since we haven’t seen non-human farms that would provide for the farms. And if nobody can cross, deliveries will be hard...? So I’M CONFUSED.

. Nor “I just did a few tests” man

YES ANGST but also NO, BABY

Norman just loves them so much and he's running out of time >:”0 of course he'd want to go with the plan he's been cooking up. if he's not there he can't save them!

And he’s always been like that, too, as the episode very very clearly points out several times haha. He tricked them in s1 too. He might be more drastic in his methods, but he also admitted to originally only planning to escape with the two of them and he also admitted he suspected Ray first and he thought about cutting Ray off at first before he talked to Emma -- so even the more cold side isn’t all that surprising. He might also be dissociating a bit, tbh.

But it’s also so tragic,,, He thinks he can’t give them the future Emma wanted without a sacrifice. The problem just is that it was a forced sacrifice because Norman lied to them and said he'd work with them to ensure he escapes too but then didn't. He gave up and forced his defeat on the others, because he thought that it was the safer option than taking more risks (which is happening now too lol).

I also wonder if aside from just... trying to save them until he can’t anymore, a part of his motivation in pushing them away (”isn’t it tough?” - “no”) is that he won’t burden them with his turmoil. He’s their savior right? He can’t falter. If he does, Emma and Ray will just become more stubborn about stopping him. It’ll make it harder for them. Maybe it’s better if they dislike him than worrying. Maybe it’d also make Emma hate herself less if he plays the bad guy...

those are my thoughts, anyway.

. Some drug thoughts

Assumptions:

it has to be applicable large scale

I assume the lances in the demon’s body are just there to immobilize it, and not to inject. there are those bulging parts around the entry points, but we did see that also happening when Ray shot the demon eye, so I’m assuming it’s simply their reaction to bodily harm/wounds.

plus, if they have to throw 50 spears into every demon to get the drug to work that's one hell of an inefficient plan

Based on how a lot of the demon dynamics work over food, I’m assuming it’d be something like mixing it into their drinking water, but that might leave some out of they notice. (do they even drink water?)

maybe it’s also just it getting into bodily contact. that would be convenient.

also why would you want a demon in your basement that just seems risky pff

. other random things I liked

the Gilda and Emma headbump was so cute sdfudhdsjsd

Lani and Thoma mentioning the migrating birds during their tower watch and that then later coming back when the kids think about where they could be was nice!

I think her involving everyone again is a nice nod to the season's theme, including the whole putting “faith” in them. Norman doesn’t trust them with his plan. I think the bigger problem isn’t that he won’t trust Emma’s plan, because he’s not wrong to object to it, but he should still rely on his family and let them help with the plan instead of deciding it all himself. He doesn't have to literally sacrifice himself for it, again. There is the "don't burden everything by yourself" message of the season, with Emma inviting Gilda and Ray prompting Don to come with them too (probably because they realized it’d be weird to rant about Norman doing everything alone and then doing the same pff-). I think that's what they're going for, that when they work together, he won't have to suffer so much. Even if the plan doesn't change much, he should still rely on them. it is however true that they don't have that much to offer in terms of a long-term solution right now, so that's unfortunate. But we'll see what finding Mujika will bring :3

The gate being in GF ties up the story really well for this weird 2 seasons abridged. i can kinda see what they're going for with the middle arcs missing, which definitely hurts overall but I think it makes the whole thing a little more streamlined in terms of themes and coming back to what s1 was about, quite literally. they just stumbled in the execution (hard, sometimes)

The seizures :((( they’re all so broken, they need HUGS

that "what makes you so nervous?" remark from Ray and also the squad being like "we don't have long left" as the lead up to Norman’s seizure was. so good.

Norman’s seizure scene. The far shot, the blood, the “sorry” I’M EMO-

Norman’s soft “be careful” to Emma and Ray, showing that softer side again :<

Also Ray's reaction to "the gate is in gf" is just a mood haha

THE SHIPMENT PARALLELS! the sounds, grabbing his hand this time when he had to take hers during his shipment AHHH-

. other random things I didn’t like

why is Norman not taking the GF kids to his location I am confusion. MAYBE the room they're in (the building just looks like that room and the basement stuff but idk) wouldn't be big enough to comfortably live there or maybe he's too absorbed and doesn't want his siblings to find out about their seizures (which would be more likely to happen if they lived around him) and his brutal experiments (they do always somehow find every little thing in a place haha), but I feel like taking them there would still be better overall. He literally has no way of knowing if something does happen to them. I guess it could be argued he trusts them enough to be able to handle it, but if he's doing it all for them (and probably some trauma to be honest), he definitely should be more concerned and have brought them or at least let one of the lambda kids stay with them.

My friends and I literally everytime they left for food, we already were like "great, leave the kids alone". I feel like in that case it's going a bit for the whole "putting trust in each other" angle but I still feel it's kind of questionable to leave them on their own too.

Overall, I think things add up but I think that’s bc I’m a) very forgiving and b) often just slap a somewhat likely/good-will explanation on things and accept that for now. It’s good for my enjoyment but it might make me seem delusional but I DO THINK that i shouldn’t have to read between the lines this much for the non-mystery elements.

the deal makes no sense from Emma’s POV, what’s her goal? Hoping Mujika’s intel and knowledge about demon society will be of help and convince Norman not to do it? but she already made it a condition to not annihilate the demons if she brings them, so I guess she just wants to give her plan a chance - but I’m not sure what she thinks Norman would see in that plan. I guess he wants to kill them because they’re unpredictable, but if he was to hold his word, their unpredictable nature wouldn’t matter since he can’t annihilate the demons anymore anyway based on his agreement (which he intends to break of course but LIKE FROM EMMA’S PERSPECTIVE. BABY WHAT YOU DOING).

So yeah... I’m definitely enjoying the ride. I can see its faults, i’m not delusional, but the base elements are interesting to think about and coming up with some explanations that make sense is also fun - though I wish there was a bit more canon ground / “connecting the dots” experience to it.

I hope I can continue to have fun with the show until it ends, at the very least. Content is content, I’m to tpn-brain-rotted pfff-

#tpn s2 #tpn anime #tpn anime spoilers #tpn anime-only #tpn theory #tori talks #tori has opinions

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macgyvertape · 4 years ago

Text

50 or so hours into Cyberpunk 2077

This should be roughly the correct amount of time, ive been leaving the game running as I get up to get food or do stretches. Quests are roughly in order I did them

non spoilers above cut:

i haven't found a single hat/helmet i like, and since you can't hide them I just am not wearing any. It matters that much.

I posted the other day about bugs, every few hours I play I find new bugs. some require me to go back and reload a save others I honestly can’t tell if it’s a bug or just really poor development

there are several perks that don’t quite do what the description says, like the Anamesis perk. Based on reddit and trying it out it seems to just not do anything.

sometimes in car chase segments the passenger will say “look out” as cars spawn in my path and hit me. Can’t tell if that was deliberate or a pop in issue

Yeah I’ve just totally given up on doing pacifist things unless required by a mission. Given up on doing stealth too unless a mission objective, except for sneaking around to set up a fight.

:readmore:

the delemain car quest is fun. From the shock of the one going "beep beep motherfucker" and doing a hit and run to start it off, to the GLADOS car i see a lot of people talking about. It was fun to explore the city when i might have missed places like the landfill apparently there is follow up on T-bug's death if you go back to the quick hack shop in Kabuki. It's not much but better than nothing I made the pass with Panam of "what if the room just had one bed". I know she won't do a wlw romance, which is fine since I wouldn’t have chosen her. I enjoy her as a character, don’t get me wrong, my V considers her as a friend, but it seems like theres always drama going on which would be tiring. I would have gone for a fling, i like her leotard-pants combo with all the straps

but also her questline was buggy as hell. Multiple cases of having to reload due to clipping into objects, including her in a driving section, or just insta-dying when collision physics with some rocks broke "your neural network can no longer function independantly of the chip" me slapping my desk: s y m b i o te!!! come on lets have some s y m b i o s i s

in the scene with hellman i really liked how Johnny moved around the room. It made him feel like he was really there. it was hard to follow the convo as I left the room, i would not have understood it without subtitles. But i guess Takemura fucking waterboarded hellman. :|

lol I hope the dialogue is different b/c i refuse to smoke for Johnny

i am level 18 and still can't beat the first opponents in the fist fighting quest. ffs

I looked up the romances options so I went to do the I fought the law quest as soon as i got it. ACAB, but like I literally just met River Ward 2 minutes ago, and I really like him. His earring and cyborg eye, his big fluffy coat. I'm definitely gonna sleep with him Ok i like how when River Ward is dealing with the tiger claws if you interject it leads to a fight. It goes better if you follow his instructions and let him deal with it. Seriously I enjoy that sometimes its good to not pick a dialogue choice.

during the red queen club part, there was no dialogue over the phone. So i reloaded a save and got myself spotted and attacked. Then River showed up to help me <3 and it was more enjoyable having him there. I honestly am not sure if him not going to the club level is bug or not.

then uuuuuugh the worst of irl police "cops are my family" from Detective Han. Again ACAB "FRATERNITY OF CITY COPS RESEMBLES A [Nomad] CLAN NOT AT ALL" ok a few minutes ago i was complaining about bugs, but the character modeling in this game is good (when they're there). You can see body posture, characters jiggle their legs when they are nervous. Like I though character A was just throwing a cigarette on the ground, but then character B flinches back; I realize Char A threw it at B as a fuck you

I'm honestly curious if "I fought the Law" quest will have any impact later on. My choices were that I thought there was more going on than Holt being the only person behind this (based on how complicated the main questline heist is, and keeping an eye on some of the in game news), and told him not to take it to internal affairs, and I loved his response of how he doesn't give a shit what we think, he's doing it anyway.

In the elevator to report in, Johnny said "this muck is deeper than you think, tell them nothing", so i just said that the case was complicated. anyway i love how much of a sarcastic asshole V is

I thought i was being nonlethal with the monk quest, but it seems i accidently killed someone. RIP, but thats kind of the problem with this game. Like when i do the non lethal cyberpychosis quests I equip my non lethal modded gun and hope for the est. I like how a go here kill things quest led to Charles the ripperdoc. He's getting all his parts from scav gang members so I felt obligated to take him out. I got a police bounty for it but w/e.

I merged the Delemain fragments with the whole. Guess he's the meta now. (Side note: some of my favorite rvb fanfic plots are Ai consiousness/memory merging with the humans, so I’m having fun with this game and look foward to introspective fanfic)

Honestly Jonny made some good points, the fragments didn't deserve to die; but also destroying the core and freeing the fragments, they couldn't really function alone.

I was able to rescue Saul fine with stealth. Using cameras and the synapse overload really made it easy. Can't use the sniper rifle reward b/c I don't have the stats for it, and while it has a silencer the fact that it's a ricochette weapon and not a shoot through walls weapons, makes it not as good imo; and theres a legendary one that is stats free for only 100k.

Lol made a pass again at Panam, and she immediately shut me down. I then did Mitch's quest and I love every time someone tells V they area good person.

I hacked the operation carpe noctem shard, and wow the corporations are using ai to make people have cyberpsychosis, or something like that. What a shocker /s, I've played Deus Ex HR before

lol driving through the unifinished interstate, past the fight from Panam's first quest I found a "batcave" with a very nice car, and a manifesto written by "muckman'. But here's my complaint about the loot, there is a legendary top, but it had 16 armor. My current top has 84 armor, like why would i switch?? then later i found a bunker with soviet spies in it. Wild

Doing River's second quest, love the timing of as soon as you ask, why are we breaking in, someone shows up to tell you he got kicked off the force. It's funny how Johnny comments how maybe River's into you, and V just doubts Johnny's words. Love how the first kid asks River if I'm his girlfriend. also wow like oof both the second parts of Judy and River's quest are SUPER fucked UP!! oof like i stopped doing first person mode on the braindances for those quests as soon as i could, just made me too uncomfortable seeing that in first person.

DRIVING IN THE GAME IS BAD! nowhere is it more apparent than the sinnerman quest, which took me 3 times to get the driving section done, as cars spawned out of nowhere to hit me. Then when you restart, there is a bunch of dialogue it doesn't let you fast forward through. The rest of the Sinnerman questline is interesting. My V took every option to tell the dude that he was messed up, and what he was doing was wrong. idk, I was surprised how much dialogue there was that let you buy into his whole "forgiveness thing" and how there wasn't any real dialogue to call him the fuck out, that in seeking forgiveness he continues to do harm both emotional to the mother of the man he killed, but also that he got the husband killed via cop. The later follow up quest, I told him that what he is doing is crazy, studio is just going to profit off this vid. Then I refused to join him prayer, and told him fuck no i wasn't going to hammer him to the cross, or even watch. Yes, the man is scared of dying, and the corporation is exploiting him, but he keeps creating burdens for others. I think the discussion on this quest will be interesting to read, it's definitely my own personal experience with religion coloring my view. Anyway back to a main quest, yeah i don't trust Placide, especially in that scene where he grabs my hand, then jacks in. I ran off to do most of the sidequests here and got some criticism from him. I do love how in the cinema the western movie switches to a mission brief as the netwatch agent talks. its a fun enviromental detail. I took the netwatch offer, i don't think he's being fully honest with me, but he didn't put a virus in my head. As I told Placide later, I didn't pick a side. I like how you can then talk with the agent, who is a fan of Western movies, b/c they show "a simpler time where all good guys carry badges" :eyeroll:, and then V recommends Unforgiven, which from the wiki summary goes against that theme.

Looks like the Voodoo boys all got killed by Netwatch, but I as revenge for them trying to set me up I'm fine with it. Honestly after speaking with ai!Alt I don’t believe their plan of trying to be on good relations with AI would work.

doing the johnny flashback 2, and wow Johnny really is an asshole. Like I had gotten so used to him in side missions I forgot how self centered and unlikable he was.You constantly get prompts to drink or do drugs, which I ignored. But i do love the goth/punk love Rogue and others have.

lol i called it, when Hellman said that the engram would seek to override the host, put V on the engram. I really like how as the relic malfunctions, you wind up in the chair with a cigarette, which you can either smoke and say you are turning into Johnny or throw away. My dialogue "your problem is the ends justify the means", which is true!!! He and Rogue detonated a nuke downtown, does anyone know that, and like ask Rogue about it????

(Funny you can ask Rouge about Johnny silverhand, over the phone, then the game bugs out and spawns her npc where you are. She doens't say much about the nuke, but she does say no one trusts you for jobs). The line of no one trusting you for jobs is pretty funny at level 46 street cred where im at “respected” status. really loving the family atmosphere at River's 3rd quest. Also his big strong arms, and the fact he is no longer a cop. I totally let the kids win, and wow the family dinner where they GRILL YOU over the relationship and try to set the two of you up, then the water tower scene!!!!! I don't love the first person sex cutscenes but they do have personality. I'm glad afterwards you got to tell River about the biochip and that you might die. Because he's so far removed from your personal plot. So I took that option to back out of a relationship.

I do love that you wake up with "river's tanktop" that says "fuck the police" It actually has extremely good armor stats, so thats what I'll wear now.

panam 3rd quest, when shes like why did you help me, I'm like "because it's important to you". Basically the closest you can get to "when a friend asks for help you help them", which as an ex-nomad backstory I really choose the nomad options when ever i can Paralezes quest part 2! I love the piano song but I always think of it as ocean's 11 music. It's also fun to see the computer and see Judy recommended you for the first quest. The emails talk about "forgetting" to hire a staffer, on the balocony a strange antennia was scannable, the color of the roses was remembered wrong... lol guess i was right with those giant wall screens. Its fun environmental details that spell things out before you can notice, and it ties into some other quests where people's behavior is being altered. Actually, this quest "Dream On" I love it! For a while I've been like "wheres the illuminati conspiracy! Here it IS! I chose to follow Elisabeth's wishes and not tell her husband he was being brainwashed. In best case they program him to forget again, in worst case he ends up dead. The gaslighting Elisabeth described is CHILLING, her husband describes a vacation she can't remember and she doesn't know whose memories have been messed with. On your way to the plaza you get a call from someone/something that says the know exactly WHAT you are, any you black out!!! It's such a great feeling of helplessness that you're just one person in a world so big that you can't fight every power. As Johnny said, could be a corporation, could be a rogue ai, either way Jefferson is fucked (and so are you).

#cyberpunk 2077 #mac plays video games #a lot of this journaling i do #so in a few years i can look back #and see my first impressions

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Zelda & Zach

ihatemyguts: Good thing you told me how bubble boy posi Robyn’s ‘rents are

ihatemyguts: ‘cos that felt like such a brush-off

ihatemyguts: I feel kinda bad, it’s low-key just upset her with no shopping trip pay-off 😬

inandout: your first date was today

inandout: the insane jealousy must have forced me to forget

ihatemyguts: Obviously

ihatemyguts: moping and staring out of open windows would be bad for your health

ihatemyguts: probably

ihatemyguts: can’t have that

inandout: mope hard enough and fling myself all over the house, they’ll call it exercise

ihatemyguts: I’d let Rob know but her parents would probably sue me

ihatemyguts: I did some research

ihatemyguts: and yeah, flare-ups fucking suck, but if she was struggling that bad rn she’d be in hospital getting her 💉 on

ihatemyguts: makes me ⁉️ if the meetup will happen

inandout: makes me wonder if her brothers are allowed out

inandout: if they are maybe they can help us smuggle her to the meetup

ihatemyguts: not just a pretty face

ihatemyguts: that’s a damn good idea

ihatemyguts: I can slide in their DMs

inandout: Cranking up the jealousy metre to give me a full work out, I see, are you gonna be a PE teacher when you grow up?

ihatemyguts: *prays they aren’t like 12*

ihatemyguts: imagine if that was my life’s ambition

ihatemyguts: wear unflattering sportswear and give kids complexes

ihatemyguts: even without the potential life-shortening illness, I’d reconsider that

inandout: it tracks that you’d wanna make them 💩 and bringing back the bleep test could work

ihatemyguts: okay I’m not 🦹‍♀️ or 🐯 levels of sweet but is that what you really think of me? 😏

inandout: I think there’s only one rebel teacher coming to mind and I haven’t watched that film so all I know is they stand on desks

inandout: probably not a perfect fit for you

ihatemyguts: I could force you to watch it for our first date

ihatemyguts: and ask you, what your dream job would be

inandout: Netflix and chill or cinema screening of the ‘classics’?

inandout: we could do a drive-thru

ihatemyguts: hmm 🤔

ihatemyguts: there are pluses to ‘em all

ihatemyguts: cinema, we could laugh at all the snobs and 🤓s

inandout: Cool, reach out to me with the time + date when it’s showing

inandout: Are you allowed 🍿?

ihatemyguts: oh hell no

ihatemyguts: have to find another way to hold my hand

inandout: 🦸‍♀️ said she was gonna look up ice breakers and stuff, hopefully it was a fruitful search and she won’t mind sharing the info

ihatemyguts: do you think she legit didn’t realize how thirsty that boy was for her

ihatemyguts: or is it all uwu coy-ness

inandout: It’s hard to tell

inandout: but if I remember my glasses I’ll do my best to decode her body language from 6 ft away

ihatemyguts: aside from hospital, have you ever met someone else with cf?

inandout: Nope

inandout: jokes aside, it really is discouraged

ihatemyguts: that’s a hard one to get your head around

ihatemyguts: far as adjustments go

inandout: getting Robbie at this meetup won’t be easy

inandout: separate ones mean we might not have her there

ihatemyguts: I reckon we can trust you and Kara to keep the teen love story fictional

ihatemyguts: for all our sake’s

inandout: She’ll get her man

inandout: it’s not like bad advice and dating pitfalls are just a click away

ihatemyguts: cosmos never steered ANYONE wrong

inandout: Yahoo answers neither

ihatemyguts: might be confused as to why they’re not related

inandout: [I like to think he’s just sending his fave yahoo answer answers now for the lols]

ihatemyguts: [meme back and forth lads]

ihatemyguts: if she gets her date we could go into the matchmaker business

ihatemyguts: start at home

ihatemyguts: 🤖 don’t last forever

inandout: Rob’ll need to be next or she won’t forgive us

inandout: and we’ll soon get tired/guilty of seeing the amount of 😿💔 spam the chat

ihatemyguts: we’ll have to liberate her first

ihatemyguts: in a literal way

ihatemyguts: not the pretentious, free your 🧠 type of vibe

inandout: Kidnap’s playing into her parents’ fears but we don’t have a better option

ihatemyguts: now it’s my turn for a potential 💡

ihatemyguts: what if that is exactly what she should do

inandout: jump scare them?

ihatemyguts: if she did some actual wild shit to show them they’re being suffocating, ‘scuse the mention, then they’ll have to compromise and let her do normal kid things and everyone will win

ihatemyguts: I realize getting her to wild out might be a problem

ihatemyguts: catfish it though?

inandout: 💡⭐️

inandout: getting her to agree to do it for real would take longer than we have but you’re right, faking it wouldn’t take any time at all

ihatemyguts: get Lauren to picture whatever the hell she’s up to

ihatemyguts: sorted

inandout: + there’s your next photo challenge ready to be accepted, dressing as if you were going on a date with 👵🌈✨ instead

ihatemyguts: hold my neon

ihatemyguts: and think, do we clue Rob in on this plan now or do it on her behalf first, ‘cos we could hit up her house phone with some madness to get ‘em sus now and when she’s like wuuuuut it’ll sound even more

ihatemyguts: or is that a bit evil genius instead of 🦹‍♀️

inandout: Does she even have a house phone? We don’t

inandout: you’ll have to find another way to trick my parents into believing I’m a badass

ihatemyguts: I bet they do

ihatemyguts: can’t trust a mobile

ihatemyguts: and I bet they don’t have a microwave, they’re that sort

ihatemyguts: obvs I’ll just direct them to Lauren on your friends list with a 🤔

inandout: We should probably warn her, in case she takes it the wrong way

inandout: or decides to stand up to them for her YA movie moment

ihatemyguts: yeah, you’re right

ihatemyguts: if she doesn’t go for it, her brothers might be of use still

ihatemyguts: have to focus my evil energy elsewhere

ihatemyguts: such as…

ihatemyguts: 🥁

ihatemyguts: [one of the crazier lewks from babyteeth for the photo challenge]

inandout: 🤞🏻 one of them is old enough to drive the people carrier

inandout: Uhh… that was a suspiciously fast transformation

ihatemyguts: didn’t know you was challenging a pro?

ihatemyguts: and someone with a lot of time on her hands

inandout: I do now

inandout: and I’m guessing it’s not every day you get stood up based on what else I know about you

ihatemyguts: it’s a first

ihatemyguts: not that I constantly ask people out

ihatemyguts: but that is what I’ve put across so fair enough

ihatemyguts: what am I interrupting for you?

inandout: I’m waiting on friends

inandout: this could end in both of us being stood up

ihatemyguts: am I a drag you down with me type?

ihatemyguts: hmm

ihatemyguts: nah, I’ll cross my fingers that your friends aren’t flaky

inandout: Late, but I’d be too if it wasn’t my house

inandout: What are you gonna do now shopping’s off?

ihatemyguts: life is one big photo challenge, right

ihatemyguts: yours is ‘whatever will make your friends double-take when they open the door’

ihatemyguts: it’s a good question

ihatemyguts: we’re going to virtual shop tomorrow but she wasn’t up for it today

inandout: Wait for it and their faces

inandout: + you’re virtually invited to watch movies and play games, you won’t be the only one who isn’t here in person

ihatemyguts: 👍

ihatemyguts: cool

ihatemyguts: meeting new people is my new thing, as long as your mates are down/not the level of nerd that they might get a nosebleed if a girl is about

inandout: Some of them are girls if that helps

inandout: and my brother won’t be there to bring down the cool

ihatemyguts: low-key a shame

ihatemyguts: have to meet him before the first date though

inandout: I’ve got a father you can ask for permission if you’re feeling old-fashioned

ihatemyguts: full set

ihatemyguts: fun

ihatemyguts: mines in scotland so we’ll let you off that trek

inandout: But a road trip is a coming of age movie staple! 😫 Has Netflix aired any YA without one + are you willing to take that risk?

inandout: mine’s a workaholic but we’ve got years to catch him

ihatemyguts: forget the meds, see who gets fucked up first

ihatemyguts: it’d be a journey, for sure

ihatemyguts: do you know what he does? ‘cos so’s mine and I couldn’t tell you, tbh

inandout: Or mix them up and see what happens when you take the ones for my 💩

inandout: He’s a sales manager, he says, but why so vague?

ihatemyguts: sounds like something they’d do at cool parties

ihatemyguts: and that sounds suspish

ihatemyguts: they should have this 🤓 but with a moustache instead of the buckteeth

ihatemyguts: dads are elusive creatures… conspiracy time, what are they all up to

inandout: Not sure that’s the topic Rich has been watching vids on but I’ll ask

ihatemyguts: he can always tactfully ignore you if he’s 😳

ihatemyguts: like he does with 👵🌈✨ when she’s extra

ihatemyguts: more than usual

inandout: Be harder to do that in person

ihatemyguts: I think everyone will still get on

ihatemyguts: unless fibrofog shows, then that’ll be teen show worthy drama, of course

inandout: I think he’s genuinely blocked, he’d need a 2nd account to find out about it

ihatemyguts: hope he’s seen catfish too

inandout: He’d be a fan of the one where the man refused to believe it wasn’t Katy Perry

ihatemyguts: it does seem like the sort of thing she’d do

ihatemyguts: poor bastard

inandout: 😂

ihatemyguts: ultimate photo challenge, catfishing everyone and then going for the ruveal

ihatemyguts: might need more than just a wig 🤔😏

inandout: Dressing like her would make my friends do a double-take

inandout: [pics of some of her outrageous lewks with his head put on]

ihatemyguts: 😂😂😂

ihatemyguts: you suit the 🍦🧁🍭🍩✨

inandout: We’ve probably got a can of squirty cream lying around for hot chocolate

ihatemyguts: inhaler but make it ~sExxxIii~

inandout: [a lil video of his failed attempt to re-create that in her insta DMs or wherever because idk if they can send stuff like that here]

ihatemyguts: Katy dat you 😍😍

inandout: I’ve agreed to only string you along for 4 years not 6 and I don’t have any savings to spend 25% of on a 💍

inandout: looks like the comparison starts and stops with our black curls

ihatemyguts: not much of an orlando bloom clone myself so it’s alright

ihatemyguts: pirate is always an excellent disabled-friendly costume though so add that to the ideas board we should start

inandout: If we decide the next meetup is fancy dress, Lauren will never go back home

ihatemyguts: that’s the mood

inandout: [sends her whatever he did for the photo challenge and his friends reaction to it because why not say they’ve arrived and there’s a similar feral mood here]

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shes-fast-like-me · 5 years ago

Note

⭐️ :) -RavagingValiance

ok fuck wow. “heaven ‘n’ back” is literally my favourite thing i’ve written so far, and it was completely on a whim

also this got way longer than i intended it to, hope ya dont mind

i wanted to write something cute for lifetane because ever since i started shipping it enough to write for it, i’ve been writing heavy angst. then everything changed when i heard the first released song of chase atlantic’s “phases” album askjajsbja

here’s where my influence came from: the album’s cover is very heavily pink, and hearing the song “her” played over the picture of that pretty album cover? honest to god inspired this fic. i’m not kidding

i didn’t link the song to lifetane at first (now i do) but just. the image of them, somewhere high up, with a pink background, stuck in my mind for ages and ages until i just forced myself to write it. around the same time, the music vid came out for “her” and at the end of it they teased “heaven and back” and here, ladies and gents, is where the title comes from. neither song has anything to do with the fic lyric-wise. it’s purely because of the Aesthetic

but alright here’s the good bits: why is it written the way it is? well let’s start with the colours. lots of pinks, i made sure when posting it that it sounded exactly the way i envisioned it. i heavily associate lifeline with pink, and i thought since i’m making everything else pink, the emphasis is going to be pink. all the pink lines (”pretty pink, like the sky as it set” and “pink was starting to become his new favourite colour”) where not planned but the second i thought of them i was like “oh that’s brilliant”. the whole emphasis on pink and how it reminds octavio of ajay is just 👌 exactly what i wanted this fic to convey. everything is pink becus his whole world has become pink thanks to her

as for the heaven comparisons? well once i got the title down, i realised i need to somehow link it with the fic. this also however tied in with my personal headcanon that octavio grew up in a family that was predominantly catholic christian. i don’t think he really believes it anymore though, however once something has been drilled into your whole life, it’s kinda hard to get out of your head. plus, when you meet someone as kind and beautiful as ajay it’s hard not to make angel comparisons uwu

“he didn’t know what Heaven felt like but this was probably a damn good comparison” is probably my biggest galaxy brain moment ever. i thought of this line and just had to fit it in. i like that it implies that octavio wants to go to heaven but isnt sure if he will, but hey at least he’s got this moment instead right? idk it’s just pretty neat of me, not to brag

i just rlly like the way it all flows together. i like how i got octane’s characterization fairly close (if i say so myself) to canon (the whole craving adrenaline and no fear of death thing) even with having little to work off (this was written a while ago). i made it real sappy cus i wanted it to be real sappy. i feel like octavio’s a dork and doesnt know what to do with himself half the time she flirts with him.

phew, so that’s all i’ve got. sorry that i rambled so much but i probably wont get this opportunity again so i’m gonna let it all out now lmao. hope this didn’t bore you lol

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shaymiens · 6 years ago

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spill everything sister, why does looking at anth*nys vids now make you feel yucky? we’re in too deep

okay for the most part i’ve been keeping my opinions out of my recent posts but this is where i’m really gonna delve into things, not just his videos but my opinions on literally everything, good and bad……………. so if you’re not into that, just keep scrolling lol

so, here’s the truth that’ll make you either click away or feel really validated:

anthony’s been pissing me off for a long-ass time.

and here’s my ever-developing thought process.

early on, i had a feeling anthony wanted to leave smosh, and i resented him for it.

i have ianthony fics in the notes section of my ipod dating back to 2014. i might have handwritten fics that date back even earlier. a good chunk of these fics feature one common theme: anthony betraying/mistreating ian.

don’t get any ideas. i’m not saying i think anthony ever intentionally betrayed or mistreated ian. (and no, betrayal and mistreatment isn’t one of my fantasies that i romanticize in some shippy fic 😤😤)

what i am saying is that there was a noticeable change in how anthony carried himself in smosh videos. somewhere along the line i could see that he wasn’t as present, that he didn’t seem as passionate. even as a tween, i always had this idea that if someone ever wanted to end/break out of smosh (our only contenders at the time being ian, anthony, and the og sg crew), it would be anthony.

so naturally, when my emo, dramatic, angst-filled-13-year-old ass felt like writing ianthony fanfiction that expressed how i felt, i always wrote anthony as this inconsiderate, selfish ass. (nothing like his real personality, i should note.) he always regretted his bad decisions by the end of the fic, and his relationship with ian always ended up stronger than it was at the beginning, so writing it was a very therapeutic experience for me.

and i knew i was writing it to feel better about myself. i knew that my writing had barely anything to do with reality. but maybe all that writing was the first little push that made me like anthony a little less than before.

and then he left.

to be honest, i can’t remember the specifics of how i felt once i heard the news that he was leaving, but i remember wanting to know more as to why he was leaving.

so i learned his reasons for leaving, and i learned to accept that the decision was for the best.

one reason – his main reason, i think – is that smosh was no longer allowing him to creatively express himself in the way he wanted. basically, he felt restricted by what smosh had become and by the producers/companies that guided the channel.

he also talks a lot about numbers and “the algorithm” and like… okay sure, more pressure on him that he probably didn’t ask for. i didn’t like how smosh changed, either, so i couldn’t blame him for wanting to escape that.

and i was willing to support him and his new channel. i wanted to see what he would make, i wanted to see what he was forced to hold back before. and i expected it to be genuine and wholehearted.

but it was all just yucky.

idk, maybe it was my fault for expecting the wildly inappropriate humor of brandon rogers or something as labor-intensive and heartfelt as shane dawson’s documentaries. but when i see this clickbaity shit about penis molds and ab pictures and am i gay????

like i…………………………… i can’t understand how this is breaking free from what people expect him to do or how this is anything but playing to the algorithm.

and i don’t understand why everything he does has to include every youtuber on the planet EXCEPT his literal best friend!!!!!!!

fuckin……. do a collab!! show that you’re still best friends!!!! or at this point, maybe attempt to carry on this relationship with this person and all the other people you deemed your friends. to my knowledge, the smosh fam did nothing to personally harm anthony and he doesn’t have to pretend that they don’t exist. because after all that history, it’s only polite that he at least pretend these people still matter to him.

and from what i’ve heard, his treatment of smosh and the people after leaving has been pretty??? shitty??

part of the reason why i could handle anthony leaving was because he said that it wouldn’t come between his and ian’s friendship, so this point hurts the most. but to be fair, i personally haven’t seen anything nasty he’s done. though i know now that there was a thing about courtney liking tweets about anthony being a bad friend to smosh? and that one joke noah made about anthony felt a little too snarky and dismissive to be considered “just a joke”…

anthony was the one who left so if it were anyone’s job to keep that entire relationship alive, it would be anthony’s. but the moment he stepped away from smosh, anthony sort of developed this “good riddance” attitude, i think. and while we have no idea what really happened, i mean… the mutual radio silence between anthony, ian, the entire smosh fam is sort of telling, y’know?

yet at the end of the day, i’m not as angry at anthony as i once was.

i loathed the bastard, aight!!!!! the nerve of this guy to make his big break off this one thing with his BEST FRIEND only to (seemingly) trash it all, trash the people, and profit off the ashes – trust me, i read your angry asks yesterday and i agreed wholeheartedly! i felt your bitterness, and although i tried to keep it fairly neutral on the posts themselves, inwardly i was celebrating the fact that people were just as upset at anthony as i was.

but the more questions i answered and the more time i had to cool down, the more obvious certain truths felt.

i appreciate anthony’s contribution to smosh.i’m happy that anthony is happier doing what he wants.i’m content with where smosh is today.there’s no way of knowing the true state of anthony and ian/the smosh fam’s relationship without them telling/showing us directly.often times the perceived “beef” between anthony and ian/the smosh fam is assumed, unclear, or blown out of proportion.and it’s sad that they don’t all interact in public as much as they did, but i doubt they hate each other because of that.

in other words, it’s not really? all that a big deal to me anymore?? ofc feel whatever you want and don’t feel bad about feeling about what you felt (bc i sure don’t feel bad about being angry at anthony, lol) but know that for the most part, at this current moment, you don’t really have to feel angry if you don’t want to. anthony, ian, and smosh in general seem to be doing just fine, both with themselves and with each other.

so yeah. i’m gonna keep watching smosh, letting anthony do his own thing, and feeling not pissed off about everything… for now 👀👀

thanks for reading!

#anthony #thoughts #replies #anon

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rosey-writes · 6 years ago

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Eliot- Violin, Marimba, Fiyero- Bagpipes, Jason- Harp, Jonathan- Oud, Sparks- Recorder, Matthias- Organ, Axel- Harpsichord, to the mod- Marimba, Hai Lin- Trumpet, sorry for such a long one, you don’t have to do them all!

mSorry I took for literal ever, I wanted to make sure they were all good, hopefully I succeeded! I’ll try to be faster next time Eliot

Bravon’s going to call me an ‘emo bitch’ for this, but- I don’t get sad all too often. Never have. Usually it comes out as me being pissed, which I personally find much more useful. Even at things that do make me sad instead of the much more useful anger, I do everything in my power to turn it into anger- to find a problem and solution and do it. I don’t believe in lying down and accepting whatever happened. You move on and you break whatever did it to you, or you die trying.

As for my ‘defining trait’? I have no fucking clue- let me go ask Bravon and Axel.

(Ten. Minutes Later)

Well Bravon said it was that I’m bottom, and Axel said it’s that I can make great hot chocolate so they’re useless.

I guess if not those, I don’t fucking know- I guess I’m resilient? If that’s the word? I don’t like inaction, not doing anything to me is worse than self destruction. Humans weren’t meant to take being pushed down, you keep going even if it hurts you more.

Fiyero:

How sweet of you for asking ❤️

My heritage is my lifeblood. Why wouldn’t it be? Not everyone is lucky enough o be a Deamorte, why wouldn’t I show it as much as I could~ We’ve been celebrities since Venice, what’s there not to be proud of! ❤️ 💖

As for country wise, while I admit I’m not the largest fan of my hair, I love my Irish background from my father’s side, they’re such a fiery people, how could I not? And my mother’s Roman ancestry is the reason I have the gifts I do- the bedrock of civilization and all that. And nothing in this world could compre with the marble streets of Italy.

Of course, I would love to add some more Irish to the family line, right, @liliesinwrittendreams ?

Jason:

Bagpipes? Really? You pick the most lame-ass instrument there is? Whatever- least I got a better ask than Johnny. Good luck to that creep explaining his shitty parents.

Anyway- pride? In my heritage? I mean, gotta say, I’m white as fuck. We’re Mayflower bitches. Some of the first police officers in the state, went back since for literal ever. Pretty proud I guess, police, generals, pretty badass. But I don’t really like relating to my old man unless I have to.

Fuckin’ dick.

I drink a lot of beer? That count as ‘showing my heritage’? Fuck it, sure, love German beer. We’ll call it that.

Jonathan:

I don’t know why Jason would think I wouldn’t want to answer this, I love my family, all of them, even the...problem child, Jason grew up to be.

Well, not ‘grew up’. He was always like this. Throwing my dolls in the river and all that.

It’s a hard call, honestly, between Jason and my ma, but, I’m sure you’ve all heard enough about Jason to last a lifetime.

[”Jonathan you creepy fuck stop trying to write me ou-]

Ignore him. He got his attention seeking from father.

Besides that, I’d say my ma’s the one who taught me. She fell sick when I was younger, so I was the one who took over the farm work, especially when Jason left to move to the city with father. Seeing her so weak, helpless, the woman who gave life, who held me when I was crying as a child, protected me from my father’s rampages, would jump in front of his fist in the name of protecting her child, I learned just how important it was to protect the weak.

That’s why I know it’s my callin’ in life, protecting what can’t protect themselves. Animals, children, weaker adults. Even if my mother is no longer in this world-bless her heart- I’m still around to keep her legacy around.

And, if I can say anything about it, I’m goin’ to make a world safe for people like her.

Sparks:

Oh, gosh, I-I, I don’t remember much of when I was a kid. I spent a lot of time inside, we were traveling all the time, s-so I didn’t get much of a chance to make friends. I had a lot of siblings, though, who were always with me, I loved a lot! I don’t keep in much contact with them anymore, my older sister, Mai, tries to call me sometimes but, u-usually it’s to try and get me to join It Works...

Oh! I remember it. It’s like a really really specific thing but...

When I was a kid, really young, I got picked on a lot. I was kinda weird, had- have- a gaptooth, didn’t really get other kids. A couple kids started messing with me, pushing me to the ground and I hurt my arm really bad on the school steps.

I guess...I just remember really clearly how I felt in that moment. Well, that, that I didn’t feel. I’d seen in every movie, seen other kids in that moment, they’d cry, they’d feel bad and...

I didn’t.

I wanted to. I tried to talk mean to myself while they did it. I repeated the names they called me, I called myself ugly and stupid and a freak, but, I couldn’t make myself sad. It was weird. I wanted to know what sad felt like, if nothing else than curiosity.

That was when I realized why I was different, I think. I didn’t know why mom was taking me to doctors before that, I didn’t understand. I do now though. It’s been hard but, I’ve worked through it. I just needed an ù̶̟͋p̶͇͈̑d̷̦͊a̴̠̳͗̔̇t̶͇̬͆́e̷͇̜̋͑̿.

Matthias:

LOL, thought you said Organ. Like, ya know. A dick. Is a dick an organ? BRB, gotta google that.

Well I’ll be danged.

Anywhoswhatevers. Blowy thing. Duuude, we watched the Ring, it was sick. Dad and I have horror movie Mondays, which, yeah, tehcnically god doesn’t like or whatever, but, dad says as long as we get permission from the pastor ahead of time, we’re good.

And, when ya’ got the pastor’s nudes, anything is good by him.

It’s so funny, that movie scares the poop out of anyone, so watchin’ dad watch it was so freaking funny. Wish I had a vid. He started crying once, unplugged the phone, it was great. 10/10, would recommend. V good.

Axel:

I got one! ;LDKFDSAKJ That is so cool!!!!

This whole thing is cool, I haven’t heard a harpsichord, what’s that? It’s like a super big piano right, with ploppy keys? I should learn to play one- it’d be so cool I could play that cool song from Rainbow Rocks with the siren peopl-

Eli says I need to get back on point because he has homework

Oh...when I was told I was ‘weird’? It’s not super happy I guess but, I get called that a lot at school. There’s a group of girls who like making fun of me a lot, say my clothes are all raggy trash and stuff, and throw stuff at me, say I’m weird...but it’s okay! I don’t mind really, if they think I’m weird- they can think I’m weird, since it makes them feel better!

If I’m weird, it means they’re not, and not feeling weird is nice, so, it’s got to make them feel good to throw things at me right? That’s what matters? Right?

Right?

Hai Lin:

Blog. You people. Started. A blog.

I’d say I’m surprised, but honestly- this is not the dumbest thing you people’ve done. Not that it says much.

Alright, though, I’ll bite. Sue’ll be happy about it.

Honestly? I’d say I’m almost there. I’ve clawed my way from poverty to queen of the underworld, there’s not a soul who wouldn’t refuse to kneel before me...well, one who’d live to say anything about it.

I guess, if there’s one thing I do still wish for though, is a life for my little sister. I know she doesn’t like this life, even if she knows little about it, but, I don’t want her forced into the same world I was. I want to give her a good, safe, life.

I know sometimes she gets swept up in the romantic idea of the thief, she thinks she’s the kind to swing from masts and find a Romeo and Juliet love story, with her as the criminal and them as the good boy, but, I just can’t see her as anything other than my little bird. Maybe that’s on me, but, that’s the last milestone I have before I’m where I feel I can really rest.

Rosie! (Me)

Fun fact, when I first signed up for band, I tried to get the Marimba. I cried trying to hold two mallets because I have really sensitive skin thanks to childhood eczema. Then tried Timpani, couldn’t figure it out, freaked out, quit, and refuse to go to the half of the school where the band room is to this day.

I know. I’m a wreck.

My defining trait, I’d say, is probably my...for lack of a better term, ‘fuck it’ mentality. I’m the kid who, and this is true, rolls around school in Heelies with a yeet or be yeeten shirt. I was voted Most Unforgettable for Senior Superlatives. Generally, in life, I try to assume that nothing matters so I may as well have fun with whatever I’m doing :)

#ask #ask challenge #I'm so so so sorry I took like fifteen years for this #thank you so much for sending this in!#Anonymous

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punkdolan-blog · 7 years ago

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Breakfast In Bed | ED

Summary: Ethan being his clingy self, doesn’t want you to get out of bed and proposes a very tempting offer to keep you within his arms.

Request: “Hello! Could write a thing about Ethan just being really clingy and talking to you in a baby voice? I️ keep thinking of that vid where Grayson said that Ethan talked to a girl in a baby voice and that’s just so funny to me” “Could ya do a really fluffy E imagine just anything just really fluffy lol please“

Warnings: None. Just pure fluff.

Words: 948

The sun was almost blinding, the vertical ray busting through your curtains hit your face almost instantly waking you from your sleep. Whilst shielding your face from the blazing brightness, your sat yourself up in bed. Slowly but surely, your vision becoming unblurred as you blinked the sleep away. Soft snores were coming from your side, your eyes fluttered to the source to see a beautifully and peacefully sleeping Ethan. His soft brown hair lay disheveled on the pillow that he was resting on. One of his arms resting in the crook of his neck whilst the other arm was used to hook you close to his torso to cuddle you during the night. His soft, plump lips where parted ever so slightly as he continued to snore.

The sight of him subconsciously made you smile as you watched his beauty a little longer than you had intended, taking in all his features and not being able to get caught for staring. Something he usually would have scolded you for and turned away blushing when you told him that he was handsome. On cue, Ethan began to awake. Stretching his limbs whilst groaning in satisfaction of the feeling. “Good morning, beautiful.” You smiled softly before leaning in and placing a delicate peck on his lips. Ethan wasn’t happy with the lack of your lips on his when you pulled away, so he grabbed a hold of your chin and pulled you back towards him, desperately meshing your lips together as if it was the last time he was ever going to be able to show his affection for you. He finally pulled away to breathe with a sheepish smile as he examined your face.

Ethan’s arms reached out for you and attempted to pull you back towards his chest to cuddle but you giggled at his cuteness whilst resisting. “I can’t, I have to go to work.” You frowned internally, knowing you would much rather be in bed in Ethan’s arms than be dealing with rude and annoying customers for at least six hours. “No, stay in bed with me.” He pouted his lips, speaking with a babyish tone, imitating a toddler. He reached out again, successfully gently grabbing your forearm and pulling you into his grasp. As he was a lot stronger than you. It was difficult to fight your way out. “Ethan, I need to get ready or I’ll be late.” You tried to sound serious, but it was difficult when you were giggling at how childish he was being.

“Ethan!” Your laughs muffled as your face was buried up against his chest, the vibrations of your voice on his skin caused his hearty chuckle to be heard throughout the room. “You’re staying here and you’re not going anywhere.” He finally stated, refusing to move his arms so you wouldn’t escape and flee the bedroom. “Fine, five more minutes. Okay?” You tried to compromise with him but you were quickly greeted with a very firm and immediate. “No, you’re staying here then I’m going to make us breakfast in bed and we’re going to binge watch all of your favourite Disney movies.”

“Ethan, I really can’t. I have work.” You frowned at him expecting him to give up and finally let you go but he wasn’t going to allow that to happen. “Just call in sick, babe.” He suggested, loosening his grip on your body so he didn’t suffocate you. It didn’t take a lot of persuasion as his suggestion sounded a lot more appealing than the day you had ahead of you if you got out of bed. “I don’t sound sick…” You began to speak before Ethan hushed you. “I’ll phone them, what number is it?” He hurriedly picked up your phone from your side of the bed and unlocked it. “Wait,” you halted him in his tracks, startling him slightly, “what are we having for breakfast, first.” Ethan grinned and inhaled deeply before he began mentally reading a list of all your favourite breakfast foods knowing that he had you completely reeled in and you were going to spend the morning in bed with him. You smiled from ear to ear and waited momentarily before you pointed out the contact on your phone. Cockily, Ethan brought the phone up to his ear and winked at you, his arm still grasped around your waist. It rang three times before your boss answered the phone. The call was brief. Ethan explaining that, in his words, “Y/N has been projectile vomiting everywhere and I’m going to take care of her, she won’t be able to come in today.” As the call ended the pair of you giggled like school children who prank had just called some random number asking them a stupid question before hastily hanging up.

“Now I have you all to myself.” He smiled, speaking in a babyish tone once more before placing a kiss on your forehead. Even though you didn’t need to get out of bed, you tried to wriggle out of his grasp, so you could shower and freshen up because you didn’t want to be stinking for the duration of your breakfast session. “Where are you going?” He laughed at the fact that you couldn’t escape from his enclosure that he had created with his arms. “I need to shower, so unless you want to cuddle with someone who smells like a pig, let me go and I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.” You replied brazenly before Ethan forced himself to let go of you, being the clingy boy that he is. “Fifteen minutes and I’m counting, Y/N. Any later and I’ll come in that shower and get you myself.”

#ethan dolan #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan oneshot #ethan dolan fluff #ethan dolan x reader #dolan twins #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins oneshot #dolan twins x reader #grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine

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wackygoofball · 7 years ago

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Thanks for tagging me @wherethereissmoak ♥

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on.

This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets!

Perfectly out of order (fitting to the chaos inside my mind), this is the list of things I am currently working on:

1. As posted on Twitter the other day, this is my growing collection of unfinished JB drawings.

2. I want to make a first attempt of animated drawings, but I am still working my way through that. I wanted to do an animated kiss scene for JB, but it’s nowhere near done yet.

3. I have a oneshot in the process of being written under the working title “Drunk in Wench Land” featuring a drunk Jaime and a not at all pleased Brienne when he winds up at her doorstep even though they are just colleagues. But this takes longer than I ever wanted this to be, so now… it is stuck somewhere.

4. Other fanfics that I am working on that do not at all come to fruition just yet because they just keep growing in size to the point that I don’t even know where to go with these:

Jaime has to take Cersei’s kids to the fair alongside Tyrion, which means he is stuck doing htat alone because his brother disappears at a liquor stand and doesn’t return. He runs into Brienne who is playing matchmaker for her foster kid Pod as he tries to make the next step with Sansa, whom he has been having a crush on for quite some time now. Chaos ensues and the two have to team up to somehow control it. Joffrey is being a dick.

This was something I actually wanted to write for Christmas season, but I didn’t find the time: Brienne makes the best of ice sculptures, Jaime gets ordered by Cersei to get her one of the statues she makes, even though Brienne told her that she doesn’t do things on commission repeatedly, after all, Cersei wants Myrcella’s welcome-back-party from Dorne’s boarding school to be absolutely perfect. Jaime has to drive to the middle of nowhere to meet the woman who runs around her property full of the most wonderful ice sculptures with chainsaw as though it was nothing. Things go from there.

Then there is another thing I have made tentative steps towards: Jaime, after a hand injury, wants to start working out again, so he wants to do some running, the way he always did, but he is not back in shape, so he is a mess, gets a cramp. Brienne helps him out. The two start to train together. She wants to participate in a marathon. Things go from there. Yadda.

Then there is one other fic under the working title “The Bridesmaid’s Tale” that started out as an innocent oneshot until my brain decided otherwise, and is hence stuck in the abyss of WIPs. Jaime is forced by his father into attending any social event there is, primarily weddings (because PR). So he is stuck at a wedding of people he doesn’t know, only to run into Brienne, who was forced into bridesmaid duty and wants to flee the scene now that it started pouring rain, which forced all people inside when it should have been an outside wedding in bright sunshine. Brienne wants to get away from the Bridezilla, even if that means fleeing via the roof. The two start to talk, waiting for a good chance to flee. Eventually, they take flight, only to be caught on camera by some paparazzi, resulting in a cluster-fuck for the two as Jaime’s dad wants to use that to enhance their business relations. Things just get really, really awkward between the two… and it still needs to be done.

5. WIPs I am currently working on (there are far too many to be true):

I am still writing on the next chapter for Lady Hawk, but writing one particular set of scenes makes me pull my hairs out, which is why there is no new chapter just yet.

I am also piecing together a new chapter for In the Eyes of the Seven, but yet again, there is this one thing I can’t quite bridge yet, resulting in an unfinished chapter once more.

Furthermore, I am trying really hard to finally get a new chapter for Washed Away out there, but damn, does this prove to be a pain in the buttocks.

And then there is my little JBO-only (JBonly) so-called “nook” project, which is a long-ass fic that I am not posting anywhere (at this point of time anyway), it a n(on-)book, hence nook, standing proud and tall at 104k words (!!!) at this point of time, and it’s not even getting to the fun bits of the fic just yet. Spoiler Alert: It is based on a moodboard I did some time ago, about JB in a Viking setting, though I have zero clue about Viking culture, which is why I reckon it’s best buried in my WIPs for now. Even more so since it was supposed to be… rather juicy, considering that it builds a lot on the show Vikings… and damn, am I uncomfortable with that.

6. I feel like writing fanfic based on almost all of my moodboards, I am not even lying. I want to write that all so bad, but considering the amount of WIPs I already have out there, I. Must. Resist. The. Urge!!!

7. Speaking of moodboards, the list of things I want to do keeps getting longer and longer (I actually have three lists, two on my phone, and one on my computer, because you never know when the mood-fairy tells you “hey do something based on that idea!”) .

8. Other things that I am working on: On hiatus for now, but I still want to wrap up my Purple Wedding Brienne DIY Funko. I really have to get back to that.

9. I am also still working on perfecting my JB-themed necklaces. I did manage to get myself an Etsy-account by now, but since I ran trouble with the glue that I used (it discolored the print-outs after some time), so now I had to test again, LOL. But yeah, I still wanna do that at some point.

10. There is still one anon sitting in my mail box that suggested a certain song fitting JB that I totally agree with and wanted to do something with based on that song, but I didn’t get around doing that just yet.

11. Completely fandom-unrelated, but I want to do a comic named “Brumpy the Beaver.” Guess who inspired that comic.

12. There are still moodboards I haven’t published on Tumblr yet, because I still have to type up the summary for them.

13. Oh yeah, almost forgot, I once started, but then kinda abandoned doing a comic/graphic novel kind of thing based on Jaime’s Weirwood Dream in the books, but I didn’t get much done yet for those panels, so that is kind of lying around for now.

That’s it for now! But you bet I will keep creating new content that just doesn’t get done!

*cue for evil laughter*

*wackies away*

I tag (without meaning to express any kind of obligation):

@hardlyfatal @gotfanaticc @isolacaramella @openmouthwideeye

#thanks #wips #jaime x brienne #brumpy the beaver #I will never finish all the things

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shytiff · 4 years ago

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Mar 2021 Wins

1 - Work againn except the medical record ran out. So we went back at 12 am. Relaxeddd at home. Fasted today (still got 2 fasting debts to go). Meeting with dr dafsah dr bayushi and dr debby at 20:30. I embarrassed myself lmao,,, and what you can say as "asal bunyi". Let the overthinking and fear begin. I actually woke up 3 times during the night, lmaoo is it anxiety? Never happened to me before.

2 - we need to take care of administrations to get more medical record so we did. Wasted almost half of the day but we finally managed. Immediately fell asleep at home lmao

3 - the usual day in harkit. Asked more medical records. Planned to go to cp to see slip ons but the tj i wanted to ride went straight to kalideres so like the sane person i am of course i went back home. Timing is very222 great sometimes in life. Zoom meeting with the ever so kind dr eva. Mahmud and dela joined the assistant gang

4 - magang. Met dr eva in pediatric icu. late late evening lunch was kungpao chicken sec bowl (which i exclaimed as sweet. And then my friend said kungpao is supposed to taste like that. Huh). I was picked up after maghrib. Laid down in bed, playing my phone until 22ish and i fell asleep. Damn i shouldve slept earlier yknow

5 - magang. Ate spicy salmon onigiri from lawson for lunch. Went to btkv basecamp with mahmud since RM was a bit crowded. Not even 10 mins in, and we excused ourselves because misuh2 btkv near the computer on our table. Went to nonama in le meridien after magang with ara ness gen cal hanin amal alya. The sushi was so so (too much rice). Yay for lots of sashimi. Salmon kushiage was tasty. Salmon aburi cheesy stuff was tasty. Soba so so. Takoyaki explodes in your mouth. While waiting for mom, saw live piano performance in the lobby. Shes playing alone. I hope she knows someone out there appreciates it *oddly melancholic*

6 - slept in. Felt good. Hurriedly showered and got ready bcs i thot it was getting a bit late and turns out i arrived in halte kalideres 9:11 am lmao. Breakfast slash lunch was penyetan cok ayam. The sambal was not THAT spicy but my tongue has weakened now. Picked up some data in RM. Went to central park with my heavy ass bag to search for slip ons. Didnt find one yet. Went to kkv for the first time. Went back home and its heavy rain on the tj but dry in kalideres. Snacked on fitz cookies (its basically vegan tuffis) on the bus since i felt hungryyy. Juan bought chicken satay and when i arrived theyre all eating but i didnt feel like eating with them lmao (its been a while since i last did) so i just went upstairs, finished that fitz cookies, fell asleep in my mukena (after maghrib) and skipping isya :(

7 - didnt feel like doing anything when i woke up, but forced myself to open laptop for nemo. Played a bit of keyboard. Ate last nights satay. Rly was in a rut until i managed to shower (i last showered yesterday morning,,,) and felt a bit better. Even did night skin care and mask (which i didnt do lately)

8 - magang as usual while listening to curhat babu. I was still feeling "off" even though i was outside already. Felt a bit more normal after i had lawson's ice arabica gayo covfefe. Lunch was spicy sec bowl with extra chicken. Coffee's effect is amazing im just blown away. Like im not tired. I feel normal. I dont feel like immediately going to bed when i arrive at the house. Read and finished starving anonymous before bed. Its... A lot to take in. Especially before bed lmaoo

9 - mencret2 in the morning and i blame it on spicy sec bowl. my pace in magang is so slow why :( lunch is carbonara spaghetti from Barilla (29k with discount). It does make you feel full, and it is creamy. But the beef bacon is so few 😐 it will be more delish if it has more bacon. Picked up by mom after maghrib today. At 19:30 ish my stomach hurtedddd bcs of rising acid.its been a while since it happened. Thankfully mom bought tan ek tjoan and brownies. The ache dissipated after i finished my bread. Its so cold in the car tfff or is it my poor metabolism

10 - magang til after isya since tomorrow is a holiday. powered by lawson’s arabica gayo after lunch (good habit’s minimal-taste fried rice lol). while on the way back, kapjagiii ukmppd result announcement. alhamdulillah i passed. congratulated by some. slept late seeing people’s social media update.

11 - woke up late. didnt feel hungry, so i ate at 13:00 ish (tuna, peanut-chocolate sandwich). slept after eating. ghosted mahmuda calling me regarding after zuhur liqo. didnt pick up atikah’s calls. cant seem to talk lmao. rly rly tried to do dr dafsah’s excel this day, but cant seem to start my day. i was like “i’ll take a shower” but i didnt. “i’ll start the excel at 20:00″ i didnt. i just slept. and woke. and slept. dreamed about going to dufan with clara but we bailed since there was no promo. i practically didnt no anything today lol

12 - finally showered (that was supposedly done yesterday lmao). my pink flats broke down. i was the only one who come lmao. did dr dafsah’s excel and finished at 10. went to TA and tried popolamama’s ayce. tried chicken arabiatta (very tomato-ey taste, not a fan), pepperoni, bolognese and banana caramel with vanilla ice cream. Managed to eat 4 small pizza out of 9 flavor choices. While eating i remembered i came to celebrate passing ukmppd. so in my mind i pat myself in the back and said (not out loud) congrats for passing ukmppd. it felt bittersweet, but a nice validation. tried to search for slip ons again but didnt find one. bought a black top in uniqlo. started reading here you are

13 - lazed and lazed and jhs friends wanted to meet up but i cant even muster the courage to shower lmao. after zuhur was the meet up time but i slept at 12. lets go. come on. out. suddenly i have to build up a will to socialize just like with running. and i managed. left the house at 13:30-ish. went to ali kopi dm and got thai tea. slowly warming up my social battery. and then things felt a bit better. and we moved to flavola (got the somay). and talked we did, until suddenly its near isya. and then i had to go back bcs mom was being restrictive as usual. if it werent for that i would stay longer w atikah and pupuy. felt energized afterwards, read more of here you are and slept at 00:00 ish

14 - woke up, played some keyboard. im not prepared for another monday. Mangago is down. Unboxed my knockoff airpods that arrived couple of days ago. The sound and function was ok. Showered near the end of zuhur.

15 - magang as usual. Got out of my gloomy (felt a bit better) after going out. Lunch was ayam pedas lawson with added fried chicken. Also bought arabica gayo. Went back home before maghrib. Why must i be here while my dad talk about whatever before sholat maghrib. I hate it here. Ara and redita stayed over bcs theyre 'supposedly' going to rsut to pick up samples. Except it was cancelled and in the morning they went back to rscm,,,

16 - its only morning but i yapped abt worrying in our future to poor ekal who just sat there lmaoo. I told him how i realized im easily bored. Tried K-Chop for lunch, bought kimchi bokkeumbap, pajeon and kimchi jeon. The fried rice tasted like fried rice but with a hint of kimchi. Kimchi jeon was good and refreshing. the pajeon was basically egg with added ingredients. But it did make me feel full. Suddenly felt like singing life goes on with the keyboard.

17 - tried fitfut for lunch. Got mushroom chicken steak and katsu wrap. Their katsu is,,, simply put, tasteless. Like those HEALTHY healthy foods. The (small) chicken steak was ok. The mushroom sauce tasted good. Zoom call with dr dafsah at 12 am. More work i guess,,,

18 - fasted today. Still got 1 debt to go. Sahur was indomie, banana and protein shake. Did not feel hungry in magang but i kinda felt lightheaded. And then i cant take it anymore and went home at 2 pm. Arrived after ashar. Theres PLENTY of time to do stuff, right? Nope. I just laid in bed playing my phone til maghrib (iftar was chicken noodle) and continued until i fell asleep. My dream was absurd lmaoooo

19 - had custom salad hut for lunch. felt suuuper fult. bought pop cookies since it was the last day of grabfood’s 50% promo. was picked up after isya by mom. we talked with the resident who’s doing his thesis stuff and it turns out he’s from the same shs as mahmuda lmao. he bought kopsus and donat kampung for us, how kinddd :”) i said “mantap ni kakak kelasnya mahmud” and he said “kamu kan adek kelas saya juga”. kind seniors. i hope they have great careers and be successful and im learning to be kind from kind people. i dont know, im just easily touched by simple gestures lmaoo. first time trying tuku’s coffee. it’s smooth and creamy (like the milk and coffee unites (?)) and it doesnt separate when you leave it. its milky but has a strong coffee taste. Slept at 11 pm-ish, playing my phone

20 - lazed. saw long covid webinar. ate mom’s salmon mentai, pop cookies matcha cream cheese and dark chocolate. the dark chocolate one, especially a bit cold, taste soooo good wtf. concentrated sugar and chocolate at its finest. played some keyboard. saw youtube vids about the genius jacob collier. lent my byu phone number so ara could use it to catfish in coffee and bagel lol. bought sbux green tea and caramel macchiato 1 L for 100k + delivery fee and my bro said it tasted good

21 - tried pop cookies red velvet this time. Its super sweet yall and i thought martabak orins was the epitome of d40 bolus. did pamela reif 10 mins calorie burn that wont kill you. except i got doms WITHIN the day of work out. also attempted sun salutation and my leg is so damn stiff. did some work on sunday!!! wow!!!! (after wasting 2 weekends) finished skimming air gear lol. it still made me feel glorious.

22 - volunteered to help vaccination at rptra planet senen w akis els yud kind. Finished at about 13:30. We got chicken noodle, nasi padang and mcd lol. Went to senen bus station. Prayed there. Called mahmud and turns out theres no new medical record so i went straight home. Ate the mcd and lazed in bed

23 - vaccine volunteer again, this time in sd 01 kramat, w regen nagit red adita. Observation table again. Except its twice the amount of pt compared to yesterday. Nebeng redita to gang IX and walked to nessa's place. Went to GI and we watched violet evergarden (tif gen ness kris indah ara). The ac in the screenX cgv theater wasnt even on. Picked up by mom at 20:30 ish so i hurried down. The movie was hilarious w indah's commentary

24 - sooo sleepy and lazy but finally went to harkit. Waiting for pak oji to get medicak records, i shopped at sociolla lol. Bought eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow palette, blush since i dont have those (i only have cheap 3 color mizzu eyeshadow). Did some work. Met kiki in RM. "planned" to do the rest of magang work at home and arrivd back at 3-ish pm but we all know thats a lie. Lazed. Maghrib. Bought sbux 1L to have some caffeine through the green tea. Sinau airway class by dr zeta (focused thanks to the caffeine). Had some "awake time" left and did not feel sleepy til 10:30ish pm but i had to sleep since i got 1 more fasting to go 2mrw. No progress on magang work aaaaa

25 - had indomie, boiled egg, banana and protein powder for sahur. magang. emir took a while to pick me up even though i already told him the time im arriving and i ended up ordering grab lmao and he showed up right before the grab. liqo w kak kartika and mahmud while sipping caramel macchiato. did some translation (job by dr triya)

26 - picked up pld medal, gown and buavita (lol) at salemba and then went to harkit. met kiki again. lunch was k-chop. quite good and fulfilling. waiting for mom to pick me up before maghrib. Was lazying around at night and it turns out clara came w kefas. She called but dumb ass me had my phone on silent. She surprised me and came all the wayyy with a little tayo cake and a line friends pillow. I was awkward w kefas bcs im awkward w new people :):):) she went back and then i cried afterwards in my room. Fianti sent me a wish before midnight (somehow havent fell asleep) and then i close my eyes and go to the dream world

27 - had mie goreng for breakfast. fell asleep again. woke to silvi and racheel calling me and as usual my phone was not ringing. there’s racil silvi devi reza outside the door lmao. they (including atikah) surprised me with gift (a bag). i asked them to come with me to gi since im gonna eat w regen. we tried yakiniku like and the meat was juicy and yum, better then kintan. racil dkk ate marugame udon just below. wanted to get banban but it was so crowded. went back by grab. racil and atikah stayed over. talked until like 12 am. forced myself to pray isya.

28 - talked for hours like we usually do, tried some makeup bcs i need to practice for pld lol. tarik tiga to their place bcs i needed to borrow pld clothes lol. rearranged my room and i was sweating. i should’ve drank macchiato and did some work but i cant bring myself to so i just sleep. hangovers post feeling normal are never the best feeling

29 - woke up super late. cant bring myself to go to harkit. i feel like shit. sick and tired of feeling sick and tired ((quoting jhene aiko)). mustered some will to shower. rode my on bike pretending im going to harkit except im going to mcd. got big breakfast and lemon tea. went to flavola, ordered kopsus coklat and indomie + telor. Went back home after isya.

30 - Binge watching sean and kaycee’s vids lol it all began with their leave the door open dance :). went to harkit by TJ after the redcap was unaccessible at 09:30ish. lunch was truffle belly chicken mushroom (somehow there’s 50% disc). Took some needed data and went back home at 14:20. did (new) translation for dr Triya. finally drank homemade matcha latte after a while.

31 - originally intended to go to flavola after zuhur, but i just cant muster the strength. did dr triya’s translation work. didnt do any ecmocard today. felt like shit. ate the tayo small cake from clara. quite good and not too heavy. gladi kotor pld today. did green screen using mukena lol. fell asleep. skipped isya and the next morning’s subuh :( basically i ended march feeling like utter shit lol

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bpdeadd · 4 years ago

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I had other weird nap dream again - this one kinda makes sense to me bc it was about my old friend (who I hate and who ghosted me - she wasn’t very nice in the end as well), anyways so before I had a nap I was lit watching a YouTube vid about bpd and got rly emotional about the whole abandonment thing, and angry and upset so I took a nap to calm myself down, and I was thinking to myself in my dreams I could basically ‘kill’ people who hurt me and abandoned me bc to me that would mean cutting ties w them and I'd be able to move on and be ‘happy’ as it were - sounds weird but ugh anyway - lo and behold this friend I was thinking about showed up in my dream she was also known as an ‘identity thief’ in my dream and she was working w these ppl to sell these drugs or smth idk, and then I rem I was eating some vegetarian food (it was like ‘fake’ steak or smth lol idk if that even is relevant) in my dream by myself before all these random ppl showed up - and there a mix of diff ppl w skin colours and sexual orientation and I felt quite happy being around them and then this friend showed up next to me out of nowhere - also eating but I ignored her and pretended she wasn’t there and paid attention to the other ppl around me - I even spoke to one of them (tho after I noticed this friend like ‘oh sorry I didn’t realise you were sitting next to me, and this girl chimed in like oh! next to you - jokingly to get offended bc of what I said to this friend, and I was like saying oh no, you remind me of someone I went to school w (one of these popular girls I knew idk) and then this friend started to drag me away from these ppl like she just refused to let me be w them any longer and then I somehow got drugged at some point- I saw her mum and her sister they were wearing sort of ‘rock concert’ clothes and then I suddenly was drugged and I rem shaking and not being able to move in my dream when they were pressing down on my stomach - as I was laid on the floor (this friend nowhere to be seen) and smiling creepily and stuff, and I looked down on my self and saw myself wearing skinny black jeans (usually what I'm wearing atm) but this shirt w ‘district’ on in so ??? and then it went dark for a bit bc I could hear myself screaming at myself, and then I rem like it was me from my own pov screaming in this dark place - like I was just floating around in the void, but my voice was sounding all ‘echo-y’ and I was screaming ‘kill them ! kill them all! ‘ but I saw this Japanese writing on my shirt and in English it also read ‘rest assured’ so idk what that means but it was just weird bc it felt like me myself and not my dream self screaming that at my ‘dream’ self, and then I woke up so I'm abit ?????

the only thing I can think of is this friend had such an influence on me, she was my ‘fp’ as it were and bc of her actions towards me - she was horrible towards the end of our ‘friendship’ after I lost her I couldn’t bare to have any friends ever again which is probably why she was ‘dragging’ me away from all those ppl in my dream, bc she made me refuse to have any friends (and to this day I don’t have any, I don’t know anyone, plus we moved house in late 2019 so don’t know anyone and I just don’t have any friends at all like lit (bc I just refuse to be abandoned in anyway at all) and the drug thing is like an influence over me, and she sort of ‘stole’ a part of me when she left that I feel like I can’t get back which may be smth to do w the identity thief thing bc obv w the fp thing u base yr whole identity around them but when she left I didn’t have an ‘identity’ anymore so ??? idk about the mum and sister bit but her family were weird (they were very wealthy and I think her dad at least was involved w the mafia in Spain so they were rly weird family - her dad was a carpenter but idk if he ever worked for them and it was just a cover for drugs or smth which is why they were rly rich but idk - just rem this friend telling me an experience she had when she went w her dad when they were in Spain and her dad was a ‘client’ of these ppl he was meeting w, and also said to me her dad knew the mafia in Spain bc she didn’t like this one girl and said she could get her dad to contact these ppl and do smth bad to this girl but idk if it was ever true so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️) so they were a weird fam and I think this friend was heavily influenced and forced into a lot of situations that were bad for her by her parents - especially her dad, and her mum divorced her dad obv but before that, she ran away w her sister when her dad was away for ‘business’ so idk why they were included but maybe smth to do w them influencing this friend and then in turn she influenced me idk and she did basically lose herself and become more or less like how her ‘family’ wanted her to be, and basically dressed and acted like she was ‘rich’ which she hadn’t before. Like she used to dress emo and goth and then went sort of ‘sporty’ fashion before she was like dying her hair blonde and wearing like Chanel or gucci or smth and I was like??????? what happened to this friend ? and I liked her back before she was like that bc she just dressed however she wanted and we used to talk about anime all the time and she basically just changed into alot of the girls at school who used to bully me so I didn’t rly like that but she was my friend and I tried to not judge her too much but yh she just got really horrible at the end of it.

it was a weird dream and idk if what I was thinking to myself was true that I had to kill this ‘friend’ in a dream to be able to cut emotional ties/connection to her and stop having her influence me in such a way, it was really smth that triggered me off severely and made my bpd more obvious which led to be getting a diagnosis sooo

#personal//#dream stuff//#dreams//#long post

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