#forcibly trying to remember that I was literally at a funeral talking to people the entirety of yesterday and its totally fine to chill

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Oh I never mentioned this before I don’t think but Sidekicks AU is big found family. Like big found family.

Sometimes a family is an animatronic wolf, four little robo-spiders, a sentient wet floor sign on wheels, a lil bear that might as well be a bobblehead, a traumatised duck with pronouns, a cupcake with a tragic backstory, a giant robot spider DJ, a possessed woman, Those Guys™ from the daycare, some random dead pirate fox thing, the kinda nice rabbit that’s also fucked up like the woman and three other animatronics the wolf was convinced were all absolute, irredeemable assholes.

Oh and maybe a random kid that showed up. I’m still not sure how I want to play that particular card yet.

[hermes-whistle]

LES MISERABLES 22/23 CAST REVIEW

Wednesday, November 30th, 2022

ACT 2

Cast:

Nick carnell-Jean Valjean

Hayden Tee-Javert (temporary replacement)

Haley dortch- Fantine

Matt Crowle-Thénardier

Christina Rose Hall-Madame Thénardier

Hazel Vogel- little Cosette

Cora Jane Messer- Little Eponine

Christine Heesun Hwang- Eponine

Addie Morales- Cosette

Gregory Lee Rodriguez-Marius

Devin Archer-Enjorlas

Kyle Adams- Grantaire

Gavroche- Harrison Fox

Well uh, unfortunately my theater decided that they weren't gonna flicker the lights to let us know to go back to our seats so I missed all of building the barricade and eponine giving the letter

On my own

-"Now I can make believe he's here" that tone she had was gorgeous

- I couldn't focus on most of the number because some kids behind me decided to get chips during Intermission because they were bored

- the blocking feels a bit stiff

-the lights where pretty tho

-again unfortunately I couldn't pay attention due to the kids behind me

-bUT oh my God when that barricade comes out with all the fog, one of the best scenes ever

At the barricade

-seeing the boys climb over the barricade was funny ngl

-the barricade bits are blurry in my head sorry yall

Javerts return/little people

-it looked like javert picked up a stick and started drawing

- this is a Gavroche Stan page

- gav tried jumping off the barricade like enj does

-gav flipping javert off might be my favorite thing

-marius in the back literally went like :0

-meanwhile after that grant picked gav up for "your the top of the class" after enj had his whole speaking bit he came over and ruffled gavs hair

A little fall of rain/ night of anguish

-during the small battle scene or whatever happened (I'm sorry I'm writing this In a car and can't remember so) ep moved marius and got shot perusal, she had a very small scream but it was at the same time the gunshot went off so it wasn't as noticeable

-she basically stumbled off the barricade with marius

-the way he said "oh god it's everywhere" was chilling tbh, he sounded scared almost

-miss girl basically falls onto him and then he carefully lays her down

-towards the end Gav ran over, taking a few moments to realize what happened

-Enj and grant then walked in (more like enj strutting) gav then clung to grants leg once ep actual died

-rip bad bitch, you will be missed

-IM SO SORRY THE WAY THEY CARRY HER OFF IS SO FUNNY

- FELT LIKE I WAS WATCHING THE QUEENS FUNERAL OR SMTH

-"her name was eponine,," lawd that was a kick to the gut huh

Valjeans revenge

-wake up babes daddy is climbing

-javert is back on stage (I don't know if he left)

-the hesitant 'he belongs to you'

-jean pushes javert down onto his knees facing the audience

-javert stayed looking forward while Jean approached him from behind (📸)

- he kept shaking his head as Jean was talking, he then grabbed the gun and forcibly put it in his hands then made Jean angle it at him

-Jean seemed clearly upset about this and the way he says "you are wrong,," sounds like he was trying to remind himself that

- he then continued to grab onto his jacket while saying "clear out of here"

- the gunshot scared me and my mom, we knew it was coming but it's so loUD

Drink with me

-once Grant starts singing and goes to the middle, Enj now looks over and starts getting off the barricade

-"marius, rest please" was very gently said

-the boys gave a small cheer when grant started singing

-grant lightly shoves one of the boys

-once he sees enj his mood changed

- during "can it be your death means nothing at all?" Enj clearly tried to hug him and grant pushed him away then walked away

-gav was standing right by enj and then held onto his leg

-grant goes over where the sewer is and puts his head against it, enj looking down and told gav somthing

-gav then ran over and hugged grant for behind (more like his legs since grant was tall) and he then put his hand over gavs arm

Bring him home

-chills the whole song

-nick gave it all ON A RANDOM WEDNESDAY NIGHT

-he really does sound like he's begging for marius to be alright

-enj is at the left top of the barricade, has his head slightly tilted down watching (I can't blame him)

-grant and gav are still sitting against the sewers, it was dark where they where but I think grant was holding him while he was sleeping

-the way my soul actually left my body at his last note

-breath support is all I gotta say

Second battle/Gavroches death /Final battle

-I don't remember much pre gav dying sorry

-everyone is dead silent the second gavroche starts singing

-Enj holds out his arms for gav then puts his fist up for "you better run for cover when the pup grows u-" and then he's shot

-gav falls onto enjs shoulder, enj took a second to hold onto him and slowly turned around clearly looking upset before giving him to grant

-everyone looked horrified at what they just saw

-grant held him close to his shoulder

-eventually when the shooting did happen Jean ran over and took gavs body and took it off stage then returned

-Randy Jeter was really slaying for the loud hailer

- the "until the earth is free" note gets faded into the music

-I don't know if it was on purpose or not but when enj is supposed to be kicking people down from the other side he nearly fell off, thankfully one of the fake boards was there and he pulled himself back up

-enj waving the flag has got to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen omg, he was waving it very desperately

- the first one to go is Enj, before he starts falling grant starts trying to get up the barricade to grab him, only missing his hand by a little bit

-I'd like a moment to appreciate Jean basically t-posing while laying unconscious on the ground

-grant is the last one to die

-jean woke up then crawled over to marius whispering "shhh your okay please get up, get up" and then drags him off stage

-javert comes running over the barricade, the live fire torch looked so pretty for the scene

-when he got down he watched as the barricade opened

-Enj was vibing on the cart upside down per usual

-only one of his arms was hanging which is important in a second

-Javert walked over to Gavroche, prays over his body then lets the other dude pick him up

-gav gets thROWN in

-when the cart starts getting rolled off, enj was a little too far off the edge of the cart so it looked like he was gonna fall off, his other arm now fell off the cart

sewers/dog eat dog

-okay this scene deadass is my guiltly pleasure

-I got a tiny bit dizzy with the back screen visual

-the way Thénardier draggs one of the boys by the ankles💀

-I just love the song, it's so groovy

-valjean let go of marius and he just fell like the tower of terror

-when Thénardier goes over by marius he takes his hand like singing and puts it on his cheek acting as if it's his own hand

- "only the moon looks down" is still one of my favorite vocal moments, it scratches an itch in my brain

-"vALJEAN😧😧😧😧 AINT THE WORLD A REMARKABLE PLACE😧😃😧😃😧😃😧"

-marius seems to be like slightly awake

-I TRIED SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH WHEN IT CUTS 3 TIMES TO HIM CARRYING HIM DIFFERENT WAYS

- instrumental was such a bop

-javert is already waiting in the dark by the time Jean comes out

-once Jean looks over and sees him, javert points a gun at him (is this a new thing?? I don't remember seeing it before in boots)

-just gay old men arguing

-when Jean leaves with marius he looks back at him the same way javert did to him at the beginning, same places on the stage

Javerts suicide

-This is one of the scenes that is so so much better in person

-i personally think Hayden is one of the javerts that perform this scene best

-the stage is completely dark during the first Part

-but in the background you can see the bridge coming together on both sides which was so cool to see

-I definitely got more of a panic attack vibe from him instead of angry

-he kept on literally reaching out but his hands where extremely shakey

-javert was very slow about getting up on the bridge, he seemed hesitant

-"I am reaching but I fall" part was almost the exact same way nick as Jean performed it at the beginning with his hand reaching up

-once javert starts his final note I wasn't expecting the bridge to come out from Underhim and MANS WAS FLYING

-ofc he was up on wires but I never seen them and was shocked because I didn't know the scene is done like this (usually the bootlegs are taken from a weird angle for this scene)

-the visuals behind him are going down and eventually he gets pulled back into the darkness, the last thing you see is his hand reaching out

Turning

-interesting but sad scene transitions

-some of the women where dressed upperclass and half lower

-the little girl :((

-I'm not sure which actress is the one who says "what's the use of praying when nobody will hear??" But it was said very raw and emotional almost angry

-very beautiful song though

Empty chairs ar empty tables

-the tree is back

-yet another nice song transition

-love the performance but I don't have much to say???

-when le boys came in enj was the closest to him

-they pick up the candles, marius then waves his arm behind him like he was trying to make them go away during "don't ask me what your sacrifice was for"

-everyone blows their candles out except marius and enj

-enj is the last one to leave, marius looks over then enj blows his candle out then goes bye bye

-marius raises his candle at the end

Everyday/valjeans confession

-marius In his emo era then there's Cosette westing purple like hey lol

- cosette helps him walk over to the bench, once he sits down Cosette takes his cane and puts it behind the bench

- pretty vocals but everyday is kinda a basic song

-here comes the dilf, and he's got his limp again

-when he tells Cosette to go inside Cosette kinda looks between them like what's going onnnn and then leaves

-the change in tone when Jean talks to marius is interesting

-"who am i?" Idk man you tell me

-its 2:34 am when I'm writing this sorry I ain't remembering much

Wedding/beggers at a feast

-holy shit that is a very fast quick change for marius, I know he wears his coat over the wedding costume but sTILL

-again height difference between Cosette and him>>>

-Cosette's veil is gorgeous it's a shame it's only worn for like 5 minutes

- them dancing is the cutest thing ever and they kissed again before walking off the the side of the stage

- Marius introduces her to someone then goes over by the Thénardiers

-i was focusing on Cosette dancing

-the way the ensemble and cosette dance is interesting because they are clearly listening and moving to the tune

-Marius punching Thénardier was a slay per usual

-once they run off the plates drop ofc, overall the audience loved them

- the little hops during "among the elite"

- the line is back to "there goes a jew, this one's a queer but what can you do"

-the chaos that is the rest of the number>>>

Epilog

-Lmfao the change between songs

- he struggled for a sec to light the candles but got them eventually

-Nick made me appreciate jeans final solo part

-the chills I got when fantine comes out, I know she's an angel and she looked like one, she came out from stage right and had an orange haze casting over to her

-Jean looked relieved when he heard her, just ready to die

- Nick said a few times that his favorite line in the show is "she's the best of my life" and it shows 🥲🥲🥲

-Fantine got about 3 feet away, she was reaching out for him then Cosette comes running in

-this part is a bit of a blur since I was trying to get my phone out to get a small audio

- Marius comes in a few seconds after her, then he goes over behind the candles and looks at them until "you must forgive a thoughtless fool" then he sits by Cosette

- during the confession he slowly reached over and gave it to her, during "those who always loved you" He booped her nose again

- cosette is holding onto his hand until he gets up, more like he dies

-i wasn't paying attention to eponine I was trying to figure out why my camera didn't show the stage, turns out it was facing the wrong way

- "to love another person is to see the face of god" I'm not religious but that line always gets to me

-by the time Valjean gets up the chorus is starting, and the bishop comes out

-listen I know some people think it's stupid but I do like the Jean and bishop hug💔

-marius is holding Cosette and kissing her hair while rubbing her arm

-the ending just is so🤌🤌🤌 probably one of my favorite musical closers

Bonus if you made it this far

[tack-tick]

Dream SMP Pokemon AU Part One

Aka I’m bored and started thinking too hard about this. Hit the image limit so I’ll post part two later when I get the motivation.

General Lore

Humans and Pokemon share lives because of a curse from the gods

Humans used to abuse Pokémon’s power and did the old “get cursed for their arrogance thing” that always happens to humans in myths

Now when humans catch Pokemon, it’s understood by both parties that their sharing lives in exchange for getting to bond and battle together

If a human runs out of their three lives, the Pokemon they are bonded with dies

It’s considered a major dick move to forcibly separate a pokemon and trainer

Humans can only share lives with pokemon when they are at least 10 years old

Like getting a pokemon in the anime basically

This is basically just an excuse for why everyone has one Pokemon and I didn’t want to just say I was lazy

Dream

Him and Ditto have the same freaking face

Nicknamed Spirit

Disguises itself as a Gyarados, Rapidash, or Dragonite depending on what’s needed

Nobody knows it’s a Ditto

People just assume Dream is confident enough in his abilities that he’s willing to give only one life to each of his pokemon

Nope, he just has a Ditto that’s really good at transforming and battling

Wears a mask that looks like Dreams when it transforms so it can hide the Ditto face

Dream does his spiel about not caring about anything on the server and the poor thing gets sulky

Dream has to apologize to it and gives it a lot of hugs

George

Slaking

Nicknamed Beckerson

Also has a tendency to take naps during important events

Could be one of the strongest pokemon there if the two bothered to train

Was a huge asset in the Dream Team vs L’Manberg War

Seriously this things attack stat is freaking insane

Already fully evolved when the war started

Sapnap

Pyroar

Nicknamed Mars

I just looked at fire types and Mars fit the best

Plus Lions automatically equal awesome

Sapnap threatens to have Mars eat the smaller pokemon all the time

Will intimidate others by just gulping down magicarp in front of them

In like one bite each

Loves getting to set things on fire

Already fully evolved when the war started

Sapnap uses the “talking to a cat” voice with it

Still tries to sit in Sapnap’s lap after evolving and crushes him everytime

Tommy

A primeape nicknamed Henry

To quotes it’s sun pokedex entry “It has been known to become so angry it dies as a result”

That’s about all I needed to pair him up with Tommy

Shares Tommy’s temper and loyalty

Considered more loyal to his trainer than the average pokemon

Him and Tommy met in the woods when Tommy was about nine and Henry was a mankey

They just both looked at each other and got in a fistfight

Then Tommy took him home after he accidentally got hurt

Evolved when Tommy was exiled from New L’manberg

Dream was keeping him captive in a pokeball and only let him out when they visited Tommy

When it was let out it always tried to beat the crap out of Dream

Was told to stop doing that by Tommy because Dreams a friend

Which Henry thought was bullcrap but anything for Tommy

He’s doing better at Techno’s now

Trains with Carl a lot

But he misses Spins :(

Tubbo

A Vesiqueen nicknamed Spins

Picked because bees

Best friend to Henry

Evolved at the festival in a last ditch effort to try and protect Tubbo because combee have really bad stats

Didn’t work because fire beats bug but she tried very hard

It didn’t work but the thought counts

Worried about her trainer due to all the previous leaders becoming corrupted by the power

Has vowed to stick by his side no matter what

Loves to make honey and brings it to Niki for her bakery

Currently sad because she thinks Henry is dead :(

Honestly wishes literally anyone else would be president for her trainers mental health

Wilbur/Ghostbur

Toxitricity that was not nicknamed

Picked because it’s the only pokemon with an association with music that actually looks like it can fight

I tried to find something with the colors but nope

There are probably better options out there but idk what they are

Met Wilbur as a Toxel when it’s parents abandoned it

Heard Wilbur playing his guitar and listened from the bushes

The it just followed him home and they got along

It evolved when Wilbur was exiled

Was one of the first to realize that something was wrong with him

Was one of the few who could snap Wilbur out of his delusions

Eventually even that didn’t work

It probably knew in the end that Wilbur was doomed

But It couldn’t just abandon its trainer

Not Wilbur no way

It was glad it got to see Gramps one last time

Now it exsists like those ghost pokemon in Lavender Town

Not a ghost type pokemon but literally a ghost

Called Ghostricity

Remembers about as much as Ghostbur

Techno

An Emboar nicknamed Carl

Picked because it is, and I am quoting Bulbapedia, the “Mega Fire Pig Pokemon”

In other words, it’s a big boy!

How it met Techno will be explained in Philza’s entry so we’re gonna skip that

Was already fully evolved by the time Techno came to the Dream SMP

Just as bloodthirsty as his trainer and extremely good at battling

Loves to go to the Nether and soak in lava pools like a hot tub

Finds it very relaxing

Had an extra cost in bonding with Techno in that he also hears the voices

Finds them very annoying

Got jumped and taken hostage by the Butger Gang due to having water dumped on it

It was a lot of water

Which has managed to mega piss off Techno

Is very embarrassed at having to be rescued by Dream and Spirit

The closest to knowing what Spirit actually is

So looking forward to toppling the government

Currently training by sneaking out to waterfalls and standing under them

Very protective of Gramps

If you wanna do a speed run of getting fireblasted hurt Gramps in front of Carl

Philza

A Drampa nicknamed Gramps

Literally all of its pokedex entries are about how it takes care of kids and is extremely threatening when pissed off

Gramps met Philza when It was raising a Tepig in the woods

Techno was little and had gotten lost in the woods and ran into Tepig

They got along and Tepig took him to see his “dad”

Drampa helped Techno get home and Philza let them stay at his house out of gratitude

Philza and Drampa got along and the rest is history

Considered a dad by Carl, Ghostricity, and Henry

A very nice dragon who has accidentally adopted like half the servers pokemon

Extremely long lived

Feels extreme guilt about Ghostricity’s whole situation

Hard to make mad but when it is mad

LOOK OUT

Totally doesn’t have a favorite pokemon in Carl

Who would dare spread such obviously and totally false slander

Currently under house arrest along with Phil

Wants to see his kids

Fundy

A Delphox nicknamed Sally after his mom

Was gifted to Fundy when he was little by his mom

Evolved from Fennekin to Braxien after the Final Control Room incident

Evolved from Braixen to Delphox during the final fight in the Manberg Vs Pogtopia War

Uses her magic to help Fundy build things

Has mixed feelings about Ghostbur and Ghostricity

Just wants to Fundy to be happy and appreciated

Currently sticking with her trainer and making sure he doesn’t get himself killed in trying to fight some of the most powerful people on the server

Is slightly freaked out by The Buther Gang thing

Quackity

An Empolean named Party

Picked because Club Penguin raid lol

Also blue and couldn’t find any cool duck pokemon

Quackity crashed on an island filled with the Piplup line

Had to stay for a couple of days to fix his boat

He left and found a piplup had snuck into his boat and decided to keep it

Has already evolved to Prinplup by the time Quackity was whitelisted

Evolved to Empolean during the duel with Technoblade in the control room

Loves screwing with people by freezing their stuff

Still has a surprisingly strong moral compass

Extremely loyal to its trainer and hated Schlatt with every bone in its body

Totally froze Schlatt’s gravestone at the funer

Hates going to the nether

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 3

 Thanks, I Hate It!

This week, we move forward by first jumping backwards. Last episode, the Bad Kids found that Riz and Fig were missing. Now, we get to see what happened in the meantime. Riz was in his office, trying to put together anything new on the Nightmare King. We’re reminded that his sword--the Sword of Shadows which he got from the arcade and lets him misty step (also, which he used to kill Kalvaxus)--was made by Tabaxi ninjas (seemingly relevant considering the whole Shadowcat thing). He notices that, in his photo, Kalina’s image doesn’t look as time-worn as the rest of it, as if only the part where she appears was protected. He hears a noise and goes to investigate. What he finds, is a creepy-ass nightmare skeleton person in the mirror claiming to be Baron, from the Baronees (the person he on the fly lied--poorly--that he was dating in ep 1). Respecting the fact that Murph never clarified whether Baron was a guy or a girl, Brennan has Baron exclusively refer to themselves as Riz’s R̵̪̹̄o̸̱͝m̸͔͔̂̽a̴͕̾̈́n̵͙̬͒c̸̣̏͠ḙ̸̃̓ ̶̞̇̕P̸̞͚̈́a̸͉͒͝r̴̛͈͈t̷͓͇̋͒n̸̬͛̈́e̴̮̒r̴̝̃̓ in this mega-cursed, fake Swedish(?) accent.

Thanks, I hate it. 

Riz, faced with his lie brought to life, is pretty freaked and tries to shoot it but he’s quickly subdued and dragged into the mirror. Luckily, he’s able to leave the photo for his friends to find. 

Meanwhile, Fig spent the night in a weird fugue state--almost like an enjoyable nightmare. Most of her focus is on this feeling of isolation, fame, and power--but in a good way. In the background, she’s doing some unimportant stuff. You know, packing her stuff, stealing a gem, trapping Gorthalax in it, and going to Bastion City. No big deal. Anyway, that brings us back to the present with the rest of our party.

They make it to Bastion City and, more importantly, the hotel where Fig is supposed to be. On the way, Adaine tries to detect magic on Sandra-Lynn to try and figure out why she can see the photograph but nothing comes up. At the hotel, they unsuccessfully try to get the concierge to tell them where Fig’s room is. Adaine detects that the receptionist has some kind of transmutation on them and her first thought is, “Magic plastic surgery.” She dispels it. Not magic plastic surgery. The concierge is a demon--which is different and worse than devils who are at least lawful and, like, part of the bureaucracy of punishing people who deserve it.

Anyway, fight time! A lot happens during this fight so I’m going to try and highlight the most important parts:

All the employees in the immediate area turn into various demons to fight the party.

Adaine and Kristen catch sight of Fig’s room number (downstairs penthouse) right before the fight starts and, at the top of the initiative, Adaine goes invisible and runs for the elevator. 

Fabian vaults of Gilear’s face--unnecessarily--and rolls a nat 20.

Gilear (who has FIVE hit points) ducks and covers because of course he does. That doesn’t stop him from being completely obliterated by one punch from one of the huge gorilla demons. He freaking DIES. Thanks, I hate it.

Downstairs, Adaine finds a bunch more demons who are with Fig who is clearly being mind controlled. They have Riz strapped to a table and Fig’s about to stab him with a ritualistic knife. Adaine goes for a dispel magic and gets advantage because of Boggy which leads to her rolling *two nat 20s* and snapping her out of it immediately. 

In a very boss move, Fig immediately grabs Riz and dimension doors him out of his restraints and them both to the coat check where she left the ruby with Gorthalax. Before they poof out, Riz sees yellow eyes in the shadows. Familiar tabaxi eyes. Seemed like she was calling shots. 

Riz gets in a very cool kill with the line, “Tell Daybreak I said hi.”

Fig finds out Gilear is dead and grabs his soul. Kristen heals him up.

Fabian vaults off of Gilear a second time and rolls a nat 1, sending him back into death saves. 

Kristen tosses a spare the dying at Gilear and then kisses full wolfed out Tracker because time isn’t of the essence or anything.

Fig grabs the ruby Gorthalax is in and sees that it’s cloudy--cursed somehow to keep them from breaking him out. Not good. She also finds a bunch of other gems which she also grabs.

We meet Kristen’s new spirit guardians which are now hipster Post-Grad philosophy students in a full spectral coffee shop. She finds them insufferable but is also kind of into it. 

They clean up the rest of the demons and then Fabian does donuts on the Hangman. And we are out of combat.

Fig is a little distraught about having almost killed Riz and brought them all into this dangerous situation which literally killed Gilear--even though no one else blames her even a little. Gilear has a bit of a breakdown which is fair. The man died. They try to send him home--Fig wants to give him 10k gold and send him on vacation--but he is determined to stay and experience things and be useful. Also, Fabian has it in his (and Gorgug’s) head that Gilear must be some kind of chosen one since one of the demons in the fight chose to attack Gilear over him. 

Fig looks through the other gems she got and only one--a Celestial Sapphire--is similar to size to Gorthalax’s. When they bring it out, a slot in Gorgug’s van pops open. They slot the Sapphire in and, through the radio, an Angelic voice speaks to them. He sounds like Owen Wilson and he doesn’t remember his name. The Hangman hates him immediately. Fig pretends to be a cop to get info from the cops that arrive on the scene, doesn’t find out anything useful, but does roll a nat 20 on her deception (come on) and briefly turns the game into the sister, cop-drama show set in the same universe as the Grey’s Anatomy sham-life she’s living, kissing another full adult man. Incredible. 

They regroup at a posh restaurant/cafe called The Swan’s Little Parade. Sklonda calls and, after she and Sandra-Lynn do the mom-catch up thing, she has a quick talk with Riz where we find out a few things about Kalina:

She only worked with Pok on missions between Falinel and Solace.

She was great at going invisible and other infiltration things.

(Note: We actually learned this earlier but I wanted to keep this info together)She looks more like a traditional housecat than a big cat like some other tabaxi.

It’s extremely hard to scry on her. 

She didn’t attend Pok’s funeral.

The last time Sklonda heard from her was 12ish years ago.

Riz only encountered her a few times as a kid. 

Last Sklonda remembers, she reached out to Pok it was something to do with the ship the Oracle sank on. 

They pass around the picture to see who can see it and not only does it appear that Ragh can see her (oh, kinda implied this before but Riz can too) he also seemed really bugged out. Tracker says she can use her cleric mojo to put up some wards to (1) keep them from getting mind whammied like Fig did overnight and (2) maybe make Ragh feel safe enough to talk. She also suggests they all sleep in a huge dog pile for safety which I think is great and someone should draw that.

Gorgug gets a text. It’s Zelda. She can’t believe he left without saying goodbye.

Thanks, I hate it. 

Detention

Fabian for Using Gilear as a Launch Pad Two (2) Times

This was a top contender for this spot, even before Fabian did this a second time and screwed up so bad (nat 1!) that Gilear dropped to zero again and had to make death saving throws.    

Honor Roll

Adaine for Freeing Fig 

Listen, I will freely admit that I have a clear bias towards Adaine. You got me. She’s my favorite. HOWEVER, you cannot tell me that going invisible, rushing straight to the elevator, then rolling double nat 20s (a 1/400 chance) to release Fig from domination right before she plunged a knife into Riz’s heart wasn’t the sickest series of events that happened during this ep. What could possibly compete? 

Random Thoughts

I’ve been trying to figure out the rhyme or reason to who can see the full photo but I haven’t figured out a pattern yet. It’s not that only people who have seen her before can see her because Sandra-Lynn can see it and she said she’s never met her--although I guess it’s possible that she has and she didn’t recognize her since she’s a super spy. And it’s not a blanket thing on the Bad Kids specifically because Riz can see her. I was hoping they’d show it to more people so we could get a better idea of the rules. Maybe it’s based entirely on if she wants to be seen by that specific person? But then why wouldn’t it default to the blank image. It seems (from our limited POV) that most people can see her. Maybe for most people a blank space would be more suspicious than a random tabaxi? Idk.  

Riz forcibly installing himself as Fabian’s best friend and it working is low key the funniest relationship development in FH. I’m so glad Murph and Lou ran with that. Also, the fact that he’s basically accepted that Riz is his best friend but the Hangman hasn’t at all is so good. 

Brennan really just shot Zac in the head at point blank range at the end of the episode, huh? He really just did that to our boy. What’s also funny is that, unlike--say--CR where there’s usually at least a good minute of decompression and goodbyes, Brennan just goes for the kill shot and then peaces out immediately. What a power move. 

Also, poor Zelda! She’s already so insecure, this isn’t gonna be good for her self esteem. Arguably, there were extenuating circumstances Gorgug can claim but you know that’s only gonna help so much since he def could have at least called/texted her to let her know he had to leave in a hurry because Fig/Riz were missing. I wonder if there’s a section of the binder on this. 

For reference, the demons they fight in the hotel lobby are a Cambion, and then several barlgura and skeksis.

“He’s just a guy!” He certainly is. Check out his stats. Hilarious but also, I can’t act like my stats would look that much different. 

I truly, truly cannot believe that Emily pulled the exact same hospital stunt again and it resolved in exactly the same way. This is like when I played blackjack with my brother when I was a teenager to teach him that the house always wins and he hit 21 twice in a row. 

Also on the topic of Fig, her coming down from her mind control was my favorite part of this episode, for a couple of reasons. I love how sincerely Emily played the immediate shock and horror at what she almost did (closed book my ass). I love how every other person was so happy to get her back. I love that none of them even entertained the thought that she might be dangerous or untrustworthy now. Relationships at the intersection of constant bullying and ride or die are my favorite. 

While we’re on the topic of emotional scenes, Gilear full breaking down in the van post-fight was very funny but you also genuinely felt for the guy. It’s been a really long day for the guy and he died like one and a half times. His, “I haven’t experienced anything before this moment,” line really hit me hard. And I think it’s very wild that Brennan set the DC for convincing him to go home at 25 (which Fig did not pass with a 21). It’s very interesting that Gilear’s reaction to this series of events was to double down and be like, I *need* to be here. Seems like this could be a set up for some interesting Gilear development. 

The amount of times I have almost typed Balnor is unreal. My brain stores all the middle aged men hanging out with people too young for him to be hanging out with in the same folder.  

I can’t believe Adaine just went for that dispel except that I can because she did the exact thing with Iris’ wig at the NY live show and I couldn’t believe that either! I really did not think (1) that was a good move or (2) gonna lead to combat (except for the kind that gets you banned from a hotel). I completely misread that situation. Like, it’s a world full of magic. It’s not that weird that a random person would have a spell on them. Anyway, this is why she’s the oracle and I’m not. 

The Barlgura needed a 3 or higher to hit Gilear. He got a 19. Yikes.

“I had to ask.”/ “No you didn’t.” (The crew explodes into laughter.)

Riz tells the whole gang about the Baron thing and tells everyone that they need to stop lying in case all their lies are gonna pop out and attack them. Gorgug admits that he’s kissed the Hangman. Kristen confesses to a group of her closest friends and girlfriend that she is gay. Tracker is like, “Babe, what?” Tracker (and the Bad Kids but in a different way) must really love Kristen because she is just so much all the time. 

Fabian: Who are you seeing then?/Riz:...................No one. 

Ally Middle Name Beardsly wtf is a paranoia check? 

The comedic rhythm of Fabian vaulting off of Gilear’s face with a nat 20, him dying, being resurrected, and the Fabian trying to do it again with a nat 1 and knocking him near death is so perfect that it’s wild that it was totally random. This is the kind of thing that makes you get superstitious about dice. 

We’re introduced to Boggy’s second mood this ep which is Boggy’s mood which is a slightly squinted, “Hmm...I don’t know about this.” Thanks, I love it. 

In addition to considering Gilear might be the chosen one (by who? Of what? They don’t know and neither do I) the half of the group entertaining this theory also considers Gilear might be the Nightmare King (”If you are you have to tell me. I’m your daughter.”). I don’t know if the NK does possession but please have the NK possess Gilear at some point. If the theme of this season is carefully filing away random off the cuff gags and making them plot relevant, please let this be one of them. Also, lol at Murph trying to roll high enough so that Riz has the knowledge to stop the shenanigans before it derails the whole campaign.  

The group bestows upon Gilear the positions of Tour Manager, Social Media Manager, and Honorary Bad Kid (listed last of course).

Fig grabbed a lanyard of out Adaine’s jacket and I remembered, oh yeah, she has a very magical jacket that is only ever used for shenanigans, if at all. Imagine being so magic that you have a magic jacket that you’re always wearing that can summon anything (w/i reason) and you just kinda...forget about it most of the time. 

Curious about why Fig specifically was called in to do the sacrifice and why Riz was the one who had to be sacrificed. 

I hope Adaine just continues to loan out Boggy to anyone having a bad day. I love that.

“Maybe this is one of those massages that hurt.”

Really wanted Hilariel to Skype in and ask about Gilear. Her take on everything is always so funny. She is as crazy as everyone else in her family but in such a low key way.  

Lol at the party being like, “Yeah, Tracker healed me just fine without any 69-ing,” which is truly an incomprehensible sentence without context and still mostly incomprehensible with context. 

Don’t wanna overlook the coolness of Fig rolling double 17s (disadvantaged) to command the barlguras. Not magically, just convincing them she was still in charge of them. Very clutch.

Fabian is so much chiller about letting people on his motorbike these days. He let Gilear ride it. He let Riz ride it. He gave a blanket invitation for anyone in the area to hop on before he did donuts. I love Sophomore Fabian. 

Gilear gets a nat 20 for his first roll! Riz and Kristen got two nat 20s. Fig got one, Gorgug got one (he rolled a second one that was lost with disadvantage), and Adaine rolled two but they really only count as one since it was with advantage. Fabian rolled one of each. That’s a lot of 20s for one ep!

[lieutenant-pride]

i was just thinking about that rant i made about avengers infinity war and how i saw avengers endgame a little while ago, well after it got out of theaters because i wasn’t truly willing to give marvel money for that, and now i just wanna go off the hook about the movie because i can  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i’m not even putting it in a read-more for spoiler purposes so much as putting it in a read-more because it might end up being long, but there are spoilers ahead anyway so for those five people who haven’t seen endgame and do care, be wary

funny thing is, i actually didn’t hate this like i expected to when i heard that time travel was one of its core constructs, but you know what i still don’t think it was worth the hype altogether and here is why

perhaps to make up for the fact that they didn’t kill any of the OG avengers, or for the fact that they probably didn’t need to exist in the first place, the snap apparently killed literally every single member of Hawkeye’s family that is not Clint himself. i guess we need an excuse for him to turn into Ronin, so let’s make his family expendable, why not

this film does us the discourtesy of confirming shuri’s fate as one of the fallen from last movie and the russos will pay dearly for this

the idea of destroying the stones with their own power was already proven a thing in the last movie when wanda did just that with the mind stone (while holding off five other infinity stones and a titan worth of power with one of her hands, by the way) but given the massive shockwave that occurred from THAT stone’s destruction? are you really willing to tell me he snapped again, had half his body disintegrate, and then the glove with all six stones just puffed into smoke?

actually how cool would that have been? that they arrive on the garden planet of whatever and thanos is just a fucking toasty corpse in a crater, and they realize what he had to do for that to happen? now i feel a little cheated

man, i knew from square one when i saw the first few trailers for this film that okoye was gonna get sidelined HARD, and she had maybe one or two spoken lines in the whole film? i get it, there are a lot of characters to go over in this big epic conclusion to the MCU’s biggest property/ies, but they definitely could’ve given the black panther cast a bit more love than this. i think i’m just salty over that bit though

did ronin kill in the comics? was that a thing he did? was he basically clint barton going jason todd for a little while, was that what it was? because please point me in the direction of those books if so

i really, really can’t argue much about the pym particle bits and the quantum realm (was that the one?) because time travel is a lot like nuclear physics when it comes to movies and comics and just works however the writer needs it to work in that situation, whether that refers to the means or the ends. i am glad however that antman gets this much attention as if he’s a legit member of the avengers. you know. like how he was one of the og members in the comics.

you know what i can argue about? how they try to sell their first attempt at time travel anWAIT JUST A MINUTE I FORGOT ABOUT BIG BANNER WHAT IS THIS HOW DID HE EVEN MANAGE THAT SHIT

i guess he had like five years to study and figure out how to make himself hulk on the outside without sacrificing the banner brains, but i’m very curious as to what the purpose is in doing that, since he was having more issues releasing hulk during the previous film and also the fact that he really had zero reason to fuse the two together. like, what threats was banner gonna face? what evildoers did he need hulk work for? if he needed some muscle of his own he could’ve just worked out????

you can also say that was bruce’s character arc during the first film actually, which is fine, but i’d like to note that if it is, then his character arc is resolved completely off-screen

listen, i get it. tony and pepper are a thing that had to happen, according to literally every film before this. i still think pepper deserves better or at least someone who doesn’t cause her as much stress as tony has caused for her. i mean i guess if that boy brings in the money though, do what you gotta  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

we get one scene of ronin at work and i kind of love it? i kinda wish we got to see more of his work, but i get why we don’t. this is like, the best thing that clint has to offer in this film

oh right i almost forgot, that first attempt at time travel with scott “having time moved through him.” cute gag, but this definitely doesn’t fly with scott’s first mingling with time travel and the quantum realm or whatever, and if we’re to assume they mostly repeated what they did during the post-credits scene of antman and the wasp, then why did this even have a risk of happening????

that was a cute gag though, mainly because paul rudd is a treasure

and since i’m discussing the time travel bits: the time travel in this movie is handled fairly well, and it introduces the prospect of timelines diverging rather than just having one singular strand of time flow! great! cool! but this has some bumps here and there in the film for the sake of drama, and this is the first instance:

clint travelling back to see his family for just a split moment of time. this is a moment that toys with rules constructed later, though i think that is a mixed bag and maybe i missed this detail. in every instance after this one, when the cast wants to return to a specific time in the future (their actual timeline and present) they sync up their time gps thing, but in this case? clint has no chance to do that. we don’t cut out a single second of his trip in the past, and i don’t recall him even looking at the time gps ONCE, and yet he can be forcibly pulled back to the present???

this is actually one of the only faults i can think of in the time travel, and they probably actually set that gps ahead of time, so whatever, maybe they actually handled time travel well here???

some o y’all people out here had the audacity to tell me that tony stark was the one who called steve roger’s ass “america’s ass” when it was in fact scott lang, and tony in fact called to question steve’s ass in that scene, and it is YOU i will not forgive for this heinous error

tony actually did nothing wrong in attaining the tesseract; he just got his head smacked in by a surprise hulk coming out of the stairwell

actually this made me remember a thing: couldn’t they have sent someone to grab the tesseract in asgard in case something went wrong in new york? they were right about picking the right year and time to get three infinity stones in new york, but they also managed to pick the right year and time to get two stones in asgard, so why not snatch that up as a failsafe?

thor really fucked over an alternate timeline by grabbing mjolnir from them, huh. cap couldn’t return that shit, after all; they need mjolnir for when we finally get the Mighty Thor. like, good moments between him and his mom, and that whole “i’m still worthy” thing was great, but are we gonna talk about the timeline that got fucked over for that???

so did they not discuss WHY they needed two people going to vormir ahead of time, or what? did nebula not tell them? she totally did, right? like did she not mention WHY gamora didn’t come back with thanos after he got the soul stone? why are they surprised when the mention of a sacrifice comes into play???

apparently only women die in vormir, and usually to advance the character arcs of men. i dunno i wouldn’t be too sore about this hawkeye sacrificing himself

i’ll be honest i don’t care MUCH about black widow but like let’s be real how much was hawkeye giving to the narrative???

also apparently they can’t do anything about getting nat back, which is inherently bullshit by the fact that gamora still exists in the past and you could very easily bring a nat from another timeline without fucking up yours. it’s fine; you had no problem doing that with mjolnir

how did they shrink the entire warship thanos was on exactly, and how long did they take to get that tech right???

what exactly is thanos’ weirdass boomerang blade made of that it can shred a vibranium shield?

anyway so they pay homage to every hero from the past twenty-odd films real quick, and they make the right choice in putting the black panther crew first, but i can’t help but think about how this is all just fanservice

wanda comes in to remind us that thanos ain’t shit without the infinity stones and NEARLY KILLS HIM ON HER OWN so someone explain to me why she doesn’t AFTER she gets back up???? like, can we assume killing thanos would put an end to most of this fight and send the rest of his forces running?

i already mentioned the fanservice level that came with the heroes entering on the scene, right? let’s not forget that the shot of all (minus one) the marvel women coming together is also mostly fanservice with no real meaning and it could’ve been cut from the movie and the narrative would not be too heavily adjusted, just as a reminder that marvel isn’t really treating the women of their properties well on film

thanos got real fucked up after two snaps and banner got fucked up after one snap, and you’re seriously telling me tony - a regular ass human being - lasted long enough to snap at all???

seeing peter and ned reunite with one another (i guess they both got snapped if they’re both still high school students ACTUALLY DID PETER’S WHOLE SCHOOL GET SNAPPED OR WHAT HAPPENED????)

okay but actually, the peter and ned reuniting scene got me much harder than any amount of tony’s death and funeral

seeing the wakanda crew serving up looks during tony’s funeral just reminds me that okoye got maybe two lines in the whole film, t’challa got Maybe One, and shuri got shafted for lines, and that makes me sad

i think Old Cap reuniting with sam on the bench is great and all, and a real good closing to steve’s character, however i have some questions to ask about it, namely how steve ended up in the same timeline after we made ABUNDANTLY CLEAR we were playing by diverging timeline rules, unless what you’re trying to tell me is that there was an Old Steve that just existed in our timeline the whole time and the fact that we never focused on Peggy significantly enough allowed yall to sneak that in

i also have to ask how in god’s name y’all didn’t take note of the man sitting at the bench out by the lake where you were performing your time jumping shenanigans?????

but yeah overall not actually a bad conclusion. tony’s dead, so that’s a plus. we won’t get any more of america’s ass in these films, which is a minus, but it could be worse

[takaraphoenix]

Let’s Talk About Shark Tale

I’ve been doing a bit of a spring-cleaning on animated movies, to see which ones of the more recent releases I haven’t seen yet and when doing so, I noticed this old thing. DreamWorks. 2004. Haven’t seen it since its release back in the day. Genuinely did not remember it. And I remember the plot of every animated movie I’ve ever seen, which is a total of about 300 by now. So it was a bit... confusing for me, to see this movie that I don’t seem to remember at all.

Which means I rewatched it.

For fuck’s sake, this movie did not age well. I mean, it was obviously not good the first time around, or otherwise I’d remember it, but good gods, this has not aged well at all.

Also, seeing it in English... explains a lot. I think many of the things they were doing just completely went over 13-year-old Phoe’s head back in the day, because dubbed and also me generally not caring too much about American culture.

But. Wow. Those are some seriously heavy stereotypes and it is... very cringeworthy for the most part. Like. All the parts.

How does the sushi-chef fish look Japanese. It’s a fish. (Not to mention the whole... cannibalism.)

And damn does Will Smith play Oscar very... black. Not exactly in a good way, but in a parodic way. Like. The way white people in the 90s would have made the black guy look. But... how did this happen, Will?

And then there’s the Jamaican jellyfishes and I’m not even going to... *shakes head*

And of course were the evil bad sharks Italian and Really Very Mafia. Of course.

It doubles down hard on stereotypes in a very... disturbing to watch way.

And then there’s the sexualization of fishes.

Not just the part where all the boy fishes have boy-colors and all the girl fishes have girl colors, but the part where Lola has essentially boobs, Angelina Jolie lips and... hair. The way her ““fin”” looks is mighty impractical and unrealistic and dumb. Because the fishes don’t need hair. Really not.

And the humor.

The humor is so bad.

You... You have Jack Black and Will Smith in your movie and yet somehow you managed to double down on cringeworthy with not just the racial stereotyping of fish, but also the humor...? Really? How is that even possible...?

Its “witty” one-liners that often fall flat. Or are over the top.

Potty humor. Of course. A shark farting and making an orca faint with the smell. Ha... ha.. ha.

The death scene? Seriously? Lenny’s brother is dying and you use it as comic relief? That is just so misplaced. It wasn’t a fake-out where he survived in the end, he actually died and you tried to make it into a comic-relief moment...

And the funeral. You... You had a corpse floating up and away from the funeral. Because it’s under sea, get it, haha... ha...

And then there was that domestic abuse joke! When Lola literally beats the crap out of Oscar in public and the fishes seeing it start laughing because “Young love!”.

There’s kind of a gay joke too. The shark who “isn’t like other sharks” and has a “big coming out” about being vegetarian and dresses as a dolphin - you know, because all dolphins are gay sharks *wink wink* - and it’s kind of weird.

The racial meta joke. When the Will Smith character is trying to get a proper bro-fist from his boss and then comments that “many white fish can’t do it”. That doesn’t even work. If the other fish were white - you know, the actual color white, because fishes come in various colors - then you could have had a semi-clever meta-joke, because get it, he’s white, but his voice-actor is also white. Instead, he does it with a brownish-beige fish and... it makes no sense in the universe.

I mean, I generally don’t get why fish-movies are A Thing, because fishes are... not... interesting or cute. I’m guessing it’s because it’s fun to animate the underwater world, or something, but good lords, fish movies are the worst.

And if that fish-movie is trying very forcibly to mirror human society, that’s... sort of doomed to fail.

Especially if it’s not even trying to make sense of the world its building. Somehow... microphones work under the sea? They have lava lamps and electric bill-boards? How?

I like when a sub-society of animals is being clever. If they build human-esque societies with the things that actually exist in their own surroundings. This just... took human things and slapped fish things on them. The Walk of Fame with star-fishes and fish-puns on the stars. Coral Cola. Never mind how the fishes even drink anything, because another joke in the movie is that the tea just washes away when the octopus is trying to pour it.

And... the main love-story. It’s the kind of love-story I might just hate the most. Even more than the stereotypical “childhood friends to lovers”. Then again, this movie DOES use the “one party is super pining for the other who is Totally Oblivious To It and urgh isn’t being Friendzoned THE worst, am I right, fellas?”-trope and couples it with the worst part of “childhood friends to lovers”, namely the “they haven’t said a word about their feelings ever but now that the party they’re pining after has A Love Interest, now they can angrily declare their love like somehow it’s the other party’s fault for not reading minds??”. No. The trope I actually hate even more than that is when the Good Kind Character is paired up with the womanizer badboy who is an egoistic asshat, but the asshat realizes that He Can Change in the end and they Live Happily Ever After. I absolute loathe that because the Good Kind Character deserves better and people don’t just make a 180° over night.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing about this movie has aged well.

Not the pop-culture referrences that were kind of outdated back when the movie came out.

Not the over-the-top racial stereotyping of fish.

Not the sexualization of fishes to make sure the viewer knows that This Is A Girl Fish.

Not the bad humor.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing and I now know why my brain opted to just delete the experience of having watched this movie. I hope it does that again.

[samtheflamingomain]

sometimes

Sometimes, it's been a while since I thought about the day I got kicked out. Sometimes I miss my parents even though I shouldn't.

Quick recap: Feb 10, 2018. I sneak upstairs to steal my parents' weed while my dad is asleep and my mother is visiting family up north.

I honestly don't know what possessed me that night. I've never snooped on anyone's phone before. But his was right there, next to the weed, charging. I opened it.

He didn't have a password and the last app he used was text. To text his mistress. A fucking bible-thumping volunteer at the homeless shelter he volunteered at. To "get him out of the house" once a week. Apparently helping the homeless was a side-effect of his "chasing 20-yo ass" agenda.

This absolute steaming piece of shit human being Lisa, well, she was in need of a place to stay a few years ago, and I was at college, so I said of course she can stay in my room for a few weeks!

They probably fucked in my fucking childhood bed. Fuckin homewrecking slut. If I knew her last name, I probably would've killed her for what she did. When I was kicked out, I was in a manic phase. I spent DAYS trying to find her just so I could inform her that she literally ruined my life. To this day, I hope she fucking burns to death. SLOWLY.

And that's nothing compared to Scott. I hope he is kidnapped, tortured, and forcibly castrated. He deserves it. He's a monster.

Don't believe me? Once I had taken picture of his texts with my phone and sent them to my sister so she could show our mother (up north), he deleted them like I thought he would. Then, within 10 minutes of my mother returning from my sister's, where she'd been presented with the proof, Scott brought up the fact that Lisa had been here to her, saying she came by to help with a reno. I immediately questioned him about it, because I had been out that night. Same night he begged her to come over and fuck him.

"Oh Lisa came by? You never mentioned it to me". I kept going like this and he had an instant answer for everything. Finally I just showed him my phone and said "She came by to help in the kitchen? Cuz that's not what this sounds like."

Whaaaat I've neeeeverrrr seen that beforeeee whaaat did you snoop on my phone? Well that's fucking unbelievable, go to your basement that's awful.

And my mom was such a fucking limp piece of shit idiot and was like yeah! Don't snoop on his phone! I know my own husband! I'd know if he cheated!

So which is it? I completely made it up or I shouldn't be snooping on his phone? Cuz if I made it up, did I even snoop? Logic failed these assholes.

So I went to my basement and spent 12 hours pulling up articles and research to prove Scott is a lying sack of shit. At 9am I go upstairs and present it to my absolutely braindead mother.

The first tab I had was about gaslighting. She started with "pfft that's not a thing." I was losing my mind that she was gaslighting me about the very concept of gaslighting existing.

I tried to move on but she simply believed she "knew" he didn't do anything.

I asked her one thing: when you went to bed last night. Were the sheets washed?

Yes.

I'd asked him if he'd done laundry recently and he said no.

Well maybe they weren't washed...

Bitch, if you can't tell if your own sheets have been washed after 55 years on this planet you're either a zombie or lying. I did not say this.

Instead, she accused me of making up everything and told me she would not have a "psychotic liar" in her house and I had to leave now. I was manic, but psychotic I was not. And liar just made me snap.

So I complied. Went downstairs, packed my shit, and called up Scott, who was at his volunteer/cheating job. Told him he's a piece of shit, that Lois was kicking me out, and I was no longer his son. He tried to play his games with me but I was done. I told him straight up, there's literally nothing you can say that will make me believe you. He started to confess.

I sprinted up the stairs, put him on speakerphone in front of my mother. He said "Even if I did what you think I did it's not your business". I raised my eyebrows at my mother.

Then she said, "That's true" and he heard and hung up immediately. Somehow this STILL wasn't proof enough for my fucking idiot of a mother. Honestly, I actually thought she was a smart person before this but now I legit think she has a learning/breathing/existing disorder. No rational human with 2 braincells to rub together is as fucking stupid as this woman I swear to god. Her face should be in place of the dictionary definition of "braindead". I'm honestly impressed that she dresses herself every day. She has the mental capacity of a flipphone.

I resumed packing, then headed for the door.

Then Scott came home. We had a brief shouting match, most of which was Scott trying to redirect everything toward "how dare you snoop my phone" and for some reason Lois ate into it. Maybe because she's the stupidest human on God's Green Earth.

I'm walking out. He gets between me and the door and says quietly, "All you have to do is say you made it up, apologize, and you can stay."

I regret not punching him square in the balls. I flipped him off and literally never saw him again. I unfortunately had to meet with my mother a few times to negotiate the return of my belongings and cat, but it's been 4 years and I've rarely looked back.

But sometimes I do. Sometimes I hear something that would be funny to us as a family because of an inside joke. Sometimes people talk about forgiveness and I wonder if I should try it. Sometimes I have days that I know my parents would've been able to help with just by being older.

But those are all false hope, nostalgia and lies. My mother never would've been able to talk me out of the anxiety attack that I had today like my roommate did. She probably would've accused me of making it up. Because she's a piece of shit borderline retarded person.

Maybe it's petty after all these years, but when I write it all out, it always makes me mad all over again. Sometimes I just remember the attacks on me and I do wonder if I made it all up. Sometimes it takes another writing out of everything that happened that day for me to realize how truly fucked it was. To remember just how betrayed I was at every single turn.

How every single member of my family. one by one as I called number after number refused to "get involved" even after I told them I had literally nowhere to go. I called my grandmother 7 times while I was staying at the very homeless shelter at which my father met his fuck buddy who somehow loves Jesus and thinks he'd be totally cool with fucking a married man. Definitely a great citizen in Lisa. God, I hope she suffers deeply. I mean it. Scott is absolutely a fuckhead, but goddamn, to homewreck someone who gave you shelter in your time of need? I hope Hell exists just so she can dedicate her whole life to Jesus then end up there anyway because she's shit.

The instant I saw the texts I knew I couldn't NOT tell my mother. And because of that, when Scott offered his "deal" at the door it didn't even occur to me to acquiesce. I can't imagine sitting on a lie like that for the rest of my life. I literally chose homelessness over safety.

I once phrased it that way to a therapist and he said very frankly, "That's kind of incredible that you didn't even accept that as an option. A lot of people would." It did not even enter my head. He was just lying and I had Enough.

Sometimes I think about what life would be like if I had taken the deal. I really can't picture it because it's just not in me to live a lie.

Sometimes I actually wonder what if I had lied for him? What if I used it as extorion? What if I blackmailed him into doing shit for me? Well, I doubt it would even work, but also, it's just not my nature.

And then sometimes I get dark. I live in Canada. Hard to get a gun. What if we lived in the States and Scott had a gun? I might not be here. I no longer hold any doubt that Lois would've helped bury me in the yard after proving what a spineless fuck she is.

Sometimes it's hard. But sometimes it's easy. When I started writing this it was hard, but now that I've laid it all out and reread it, it's a lot easier to say "I did the best I could." and have that be okay.

Yes, even 4 years later, I'm still extremely salty and bitter. But really, how can I not be? The people I were supposed to trust immediately revealed themselves to be massive sacks of shit. I'll NEVER forgive either of them. They could give me a million dollars and I still won't go to their funerals.

I know it's probably not great to hold in all this hatred, but honestly, I think I need it. I need to hate my parents because they're terrible people, and it took this for me to truly understand how little they actually care about me.

They've never reached out. Just went on with their lives. The only family member I speak to is Scott's mother.

She was the first one I called when I became homeless. She said she didn't believe me and hung up. But she's also my favorite grandparents I knew she was just acting on instinct. So a month later I called her again, and as I expected, she gushed out apologies. She knows he cheated after talking with him. She still loves him as her son but she understands what I went through and I call her monthly. She actually beats herself up about that first phone call where she said she straight up thinks I'm lying. She says she should've listened to my story. She should've taken me in. I don't blame her anymore. I finally told her I forgive her for that first call and she was nearly in tears thanking me. She's a religious woman so she actually talked about praying for forgiveness about it. She's a good woman. Even though she rejected me at first, I understand it, and because she said she's sorry so deeply, I believe it. Nobody else has said a word to me in 4 years.

Well this is 10x longer than I intended.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

[thegallinisystem]

Hey friends.

If you know me irl, you have permission to contact me. It's really hard for me to open up or ask for help one on one right now.

This last year and a half has been probably the hardest time of my life. I've gone through what I consider to be the darkest time of my life.

This is a long post, but please, if you can, read through it and send me some support:

tl:;dr I've had a lot of major shit go down recently and right now I'm seriously scared of losing my home because of finances. I don't know what kindof support I can even ask for, because I know so many people are going through hardship right now and many people I know just don't have the ability to help.

I've been embarrassed to say anything. I feel shame in asking for help, and I feel shame in having so many bad things happen at the same time. I feel like there is something wrong with me that things have gotten as bad as they are right now.

In going to therapy, I realize that keeping this all to myself isn't helping anymore. I'm in way over my head. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get out of this mess. I feel like I'm in so deep that I have no hope of ever getting out.

I suppose it all started two years ago, actually. My partner's grandmother died, and I don't know how, but her being alive seemed to have been what kept this family together. Pretty much the week before that, we'd found out that a whole lot of messed up stuff had happened with my sister in law and her husband. This was really hard for me, because I actually grew up with him. For the longest time, he was the only person who had supported me and not shamed me or guilted me for who I was. He just liked spending time with me. And then I find out that he'd hurt my sister in law and that their marriage basically disintegrated because the two of them had a breach in trust and then grew apart very quickly.

As soon as the funeral was over, his Dad disappeared with basically no warning to Costa Rica for nine months. We heard from him maybe once or twice a month, always at weird times. His brother was on a mission at the time. Even though his mom and his sister were a five minute drive, we heard from them about the same amount as we heard from his Dad. They may as well have been in a different country with how little we heard from them.

We tried to support them, but instead got met with huge, insurmountable walls. Instead of coming together and grieving like a family, we all just kind of separated. It seems like we're trying to fix that, but there's still distance between us. At least, between Jacob and I and the rest of them. His mom and sister seem to tell each other everything, and as soon as his brother came home, they all started talking a bunch. I feel like I've done something to make it so that Jacob doesn't hear from them much. I don't know what. It might just be my paranoia.

Later that year, my mom left my dad once and for all. Earlier that year, I had completley cut off contact from my parents, saying that they'd hurt me and never been there for me. I came out as non-binary very soon after, because that's when it was safe to do so.

When my mom left my dad, I made some efforts to reconnect with her again. We have a rocky relationship at the moment, but she is trying to put in an effort.

2017 was a sad year. I felt like I had finally started to open up to Jacob's family as being a replacement for my own, and then they fell apart. I suppose that's what I get for getting attached, I guess. Some part of me still believes it's my fault this happened to them, that when I get involved, things fall apart. I remember Thanksgiving or Christmas or something? It was just the four of us and there was a lot of quiet.

2018 I thought would be a good year. But then, literally the day before my birthday, my sister started singing praises of my dad. We got into an argument of how my mom caused all the problems in the family (lies my father spread so that he would never take the blame) and how everything my father ever did was for our benefit. This was after I told her that he literally tortured me for not doinng what he wanted. This was after he put her in isolation for months when she didn't do what he wanted. It was a huge betrayal.

I tried to hide it for a couple months, tried to pretend everything was fine. But then I just couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't open up about what had happened, but I couldn't keep living with that pain. So I tried to take my own life.

I woke up about 48 hours later in a psych ward, with absolutely no memory of how I had gotten there. I was scared and really disoriented. I remember overdosing, but I don't remember anything after that.

At first, being taken out of my environment seemed helpful. But the psych ward was traumatic in it's own way. The therapist literally fell asleep on me while we were talking about our issues, and she just spouted the same thing for me as she did for everyone else. Almost no one got my pronouns or name right, and there was even a visit from the department of health saying they'd gotten some serious complaints about patient treatment there.

I went about a month and a half before I tried to take my life again. I felt like none of those things had helped, and better yet, I had more new trauma on top of it. I went to a different psych ward this time, and it was much better. I even made a friend who introduced me to other people that are now a super vital part of my support system.

A couple weeks after I got out, things with my second partner got really bad. She kept telling me that she didn't trust me, she constantly broke down. I was walking on eggshells all the time around her, and just trying to make it so that she wouldn't go into a disorder meltdown. It was toxic and seriously messed with my ability to feel like I could trust anyone ever again. It's why I haven't opened up for a while.

I've cut ties with her.I love her dearly, but it was causing me so much pain. I just couldn't keep putting myself in that position anymore.

This happened the week after I'd gotten to surgery. The doctor had told me to reduce stress, and here this was happening. To make things worse, two days after Christmas, Jacob's work told him that they were suspending the work from home program, for no reason. They made a lot of sudden policy changes that made the work environment a living nightmare. He'd already been really stressed, and this is right when they were going into their busy season.

A couple months in, I had to actively talk him down from suicide. He went into short term medical elave for three months, and just today when they wouldn't extend it any farther, he quit. What's funny is, not even hours after he'd sent in his resignation, they suspended his access to a lot of programs. But when he was asking for help and human resources contacts, they took weeks to get back to him.

I've tried to get a traditional job. I genuinely have. When we tell people about our financial situation, they ask me why I'm not working. I feel so ashamed that I can't hold down a job. My mental and physical conditions make it basically impossible. I do what I can through freelance work because that's the only work I can manage like this. But I feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't work. It's been hard with both of us unable to work. Jacob is currently trying to get work and will probably take whatever he can get for now. I think his situation isn't that he can't work, just that he can't handle being treated like that.

If I ever post this on Facebook or a place where more people know my in-laws, I'll have to delete this next part.

In the time when we were taking a break from her, my partner's parents told us they were getting divorced. His Dad told us that he'd done a lot of things to hurt his mom, that he'd made a lot of bad financial decisions and that he'd had several affairs. It didn't make sense, but honestly, I wasn't in a place to process any of it. To be honest, it felt like he didn't have any care about what we were going through, and just dumped it on us when we didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with it so we wouldn't get mad at him or really even put up a fight about it. I remember during the conversation I just basically dissociated the whole time because I literally could not handle even one more small problem, let alone another major crisis like this.

His Dad took off a week or two later. We heard from him a couple times since then, he texted Jacob maybe once or twice, and then we heard from his sister that Dad was in town. The day that he showed up. I guess Jacob had advance warning, but this was the first we'd heard about it.

But I wanted, or needed, some kind of parental figure. I tried to open up to him again and say that I had seen him as a father figure, and he texted me back and said that he always saw me as his daughter. Which just shut the door in my face. Here we were, two years after I'd come out, and he was still misgendering me. I kind of expected it from strangers, but he was supposed to be my family. He was supposed to know that being talked about that way hurts me. I've corrected him many times, but I guess he was too absent to really care about it.

Then I started to o look at his behavior the last little while. One thing that really bothered me was that when I reached out asking for help the day I had to talk Jacob down from suicide, he did't even respond until over an hour after his mom had come over to check on him. Almost like he didn't care about the welfare of his own child. And he came for like five minutes after mom had been here for hours and just said "hang in there buddy" and left.

There's other stuff, but this post is already long enough.

I feel like I've been sucked into this vat of tar. For the past side months or so, I've had a snorkel and a hand holding the ledge. Now that snorkels filling up and my hand has been forcibly removed from the ledge. I don't even know what I'm running on anymore. I just know I have to work and find ways to bring in some kind of income, because I'm the only one making income right now. I was already stressed about finding clients when Jacob had a job, but now it's vital. I needed clients yesterday, so I have to work hard to bring more in.

I just feel like I have all this pressure on my and I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to get through this. I feel alone. I feel trapped. I am in way over my head. Please, send help.

Just to let you all know, it's late here and I'm going to bed. I promise I'm safe, I just need to sleep. I'll answer any messages in the morning.