#forced myself to write even when i didnt want to
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eddiebabygirldiaz · 1 year ago
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just realized that i was being so damn unkind to myself while writing first son au
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noblest-roman-of-them-all · 2 months ago
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Contemplating the concept of "potential" when it comes to intelligence and realizing how heartbreaking Logan's "Dreams come true, that's news to me" line in the Crofters Musical.
#screaming into the void#definitely not okay today lads#i'm finding myself grieving my intelligence and contemplating if it was ever there to begin with#when i was younger i excelled in science so everyone assumed that i was a gifted kid despite my very obvious struggles in math and spelling#i was told over and over if i could just apply myself to other subjects the way i did with science#then i would do better in those subjects and reach my full potential#my identity was hung on my intelligence for me by the adults in my life none of them even considering a learning disability#now as an adult it all feels meaningless#especially having been forced into going to college where it was made very quickly and abundantly clear that I wasn't actually gifted#i was just average#that was absolutely devastating to me and it's a thing i struggle with and i want to be angry about it but i dont know how to be#i was told over and over in childhood that i could be anything when i grew up that i could do anything if i just put my mind to it#then recieved little to no actual educational support for any of it especially when i discovered writing#and i dont know if i was never as smart as i was told i was or never even had the potential i was told i had#or if i just didnt have enough support#i dont believe in myself anymore and i dont think i was ever actually believed in by the adults in my life either#i think they would have supported me better if they had#or maybe they just didnt know how to#my dad has wondered and questioned me about where my drive ans passion went and i dont have the heart to tell him that#it evaporated when he told me i wouldn't be successful as a writer when he told me that i would only be successful by going to college#when he constantly questioned everything i did and made me doubt myself over and over again#i dont know how to combat this feeling of worthlessness that comes from feeling lied to about my intelligence as a kid#i dont know how to comfort myself in the face of realizing i probably didnt have all then potential i was promised i had#and even if i did at one point have it i lacked the support necessary to nuture and grow it#how does one grieve being promised the world only to find out that was never truly an option?#how does one become comfortable with learning and growing again when it's been made to feel unsafe#and a threat to their frail sense of identity?#how does one find peace and contentment in an ordinary life when they were promised so much more?#not just promised so much more but expected to be so much more and now feel the weight of expectation on them?#i feel like i was promised the world and told that it would be easy to conquer and when it wasnt it was due to my own fault and failings
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gladiatorcunt · 5 months ago
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haven’t used tinder in a long time and i rlly only used it heavily when i was 18 bc i could and i was feeling very hypersexual, but seeing multiple guys be like “swipe left if you’re over ___ lbs” was soooooooooooooooooo
(vent in the tags, cw)
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wonder2realities · 7 months ago
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having trouble with manifesting physical results?
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when it comes to manifestation, i feel like everyone acts like theres a limit and usually that limit revolves around physical changes. "you cant lose weight unless you work out AND listen to subliminals, you have to put in the work!!!" — what if i were to tell you that you can manifest literally any physical change without even moving? you probably wouldnt believe me because of the idea that you need to "work" to earn something...and yet with all of the physical changes i've manifested, i havent "worked" for anything. how? here's a little list of the rules i stick by !
1. SHAMELESSNESS IS KEY!
i'm someone who gets embarrassed very easily, over the smallest things but when it comes to manifesting anything...you gotta be shameless. yes i am waking up with a BBL and a 2-inch waist, what about it. you can pull up to my house, with scientific evidence of how thats not possible but idc cuz its happening. infact, it ALREADY happened "but you look the same" idc it still happened. like literally, no matter what its happening and its happened and it will happen ; whether it be past future or present point is ITS THERE.
2. YOU ARE ENERGY, NOT YOUR BODY
this ones a bit hard to word out but essentially, your physical body doesnt make up what you are. meaning, you can view yourself as this ball of energy that can be stretched and pulled out and morphed into everything and anything.
so lets say you want a symmetrical face :
1. dont go overanalysing your face, just sit down & take it easy
2. think of how your symmetrical face that youve always had. i mean you could honestly be a model, your facial structure is amazing. and just allow yourself to sink into those thoughts, whether its through you repeating affirmations or through subliminals — let it all sink in that your face is symmetrical. having doubtful thoughts? let them fly past, dont cling onto them. just allow yourself to sink deeper into the fact that your face is perfectly symmetrical.
3. acknowledge it and live with it. dont go eyeing your mirror and reflection every 2 seconds, dont go panicking and repeating affirmations nonstop and stressing...just acknowledge it and go on with your day.
^ its that easy. you dont need to even see your physical body morphing into it, the point is that you are able to morph and change into whatever you wish because you are not limited to your physical body.
3. NO OVERCOMPLICATIONS
you dont need to do a 40 minute workout to make sure you get results, you dont need to drink 3L of water, you dont need to write down 500 affirmations, you dont need to do a 20step skincare routine if you want to make sure you get clear skin...if you want to do these things, do them as much as you wish to. do you have to? no.
when i was younger, i got a bad injury and because of that one of my cheekbones were larger than the other — through manifestation they look identical now. like as in, if i were to tell you the injury i got into and said "my cheekbone was larger and there was a huge line under it" youd think i was making it up (sidenote : i had to show someone my passport photo from when i was like 8 to prove that i had that injury 😭 CUZ THEY DIDNT BELIEVE ME.) and mind you, i didnt even have a routine - my routine was literally just playing cute subliminals , vibing to the music and then going to sleep. i promise you, you dont need to do any form of "work" to get what you desire.
4. GO WITH YOUR GUT
probably the most important thing i stick by, i always go with my gut. meaning, if i feel like i can listen to a 5 second subliminal and i got it - i leave it there. i dont force anything, i dont push myself into anything and i dont do anything that someone else does if it doesnt vibe well with me. (this also means if youre reading this and going "this doesnt really work with me" - thatll be better than you forcing yourself to follow these rules just because these have worked for me). you need to always remember that when it comes to manifesting things, your preference comes first. so, if you wanna run 5 miles and that helps you believe that you have gotten your desires - do it.
5. DONT LET OTHERS GET TO YOU
if youre minding your business and youre talking abt your desires and someone goes "erm...đŸ€“đŸ‘†đŸœ thats...not possible" - instead of secondguessing yourself literally ignore them. the concept of whats possible and whats real all boils down to what you BELIEVE is possible/real. the only reason something could not be possible or not be real is you believe it isnt, or you letting someone else who doesnt believe in it take over your beliefs (obviously this specifically applies to manifestation and not things that are tied to disorders or any form of unhealthy thinking. dont take my words out of this context.)
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and thats all ! obviously i have other parts of my mindset that arent mentioned here that help me manifest faster and easier but it would take too long for me to get into everything </3 but consider these my 5 golden rules that will hopefully help anyone whos struggling with physical results.
rmbr that you are forever limitless & changing ★
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choccy-milky · 10 months ago
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Status update on the dark relic nsfw comic please ma'am 🙏 my family is dying
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ITS DONE!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉...well, the DRAWING part is as of yesterday BAHAHA. now im just adding all the dialogue/speech bubbles/sfx, SO ITS DEFINITELY GONNA BE SOON!! DEFS BY THIS WEEKEND!! ive just been very nitpicky on the font which i cant decide on LMAO and im also nitpicky abt other final touches LOL. i didnt wanna show anymore cuz ive already shown so much but HERES THE FINAL SNEAK PEEK
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and speaking of fonts, i normally use handwriting by jeremy paz!
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oh man its so random, but i either use the name lumi or clora for everything whenever i play rpgs (baldurs gate 3, dragon age, you name it) and clora originated from rune factory 4 LOL. theres a character named 'clorica' and i really liked that name, it sounds so elegant and fantasy ish, so i eventually just shortened it to clora bahaha. now its my go-to. i like how simple it is but it also sounds unique and works in modern AND fantasy settings, imo
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my first and ONLY playthrough was as clora! i originally did try to make myself at the start, but i have short brown hair and straight across bangs, and they didnt have a style that felt 'me', so i went with just making a ravenclaw that i liked, and then gave her my go-to name of clora HAHA. and yea, i built up her and sebs relationship in my head as i was playing, especially with all the running around the castle i did. i just liked to imagine her constantly out of breath and flushed and seb just watching like ....🧍girl chill...
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AND SPEAKING OF MY DARK RELIC COMIC/SMUT, my biggest advice for writing smut id say is to have a reasoning behind it, i guess? i focus a lot on their headspace/WHY they're fucking at that moment when i write it LOL instead of just the movements/sex for the sake of sex. in your case, the sexual tension leading up to the first time gives you SO much to work with, since you can just be in his head with how much hes looking forward to it, how much hes savouring it, how he's also nervous but enjoying it and trusting the other person, etc. the thoughts are hotter than the actual deed a lot of the times (which is why when clora and seb did it for the first time it ended up being like, 15k words of just foreplay and build up from sebs perspective LMAOO) so yeah id just try to focus on their emotions and desires if you can! and a lot of the times with consent stuff it CAN feel forced, and you dont even really need your characters to talk about that stuff verbally, at least not too much. you can do it in body language, or just something as simple as 'ill stop if you want'. it doesnt have to be a long therapist-like conversation about consent, which CAN tend to sound a little awkward and unrealistic (esp in the heat of the moment), if thats the problem you're having. HOPE I COULD HELP
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also i love this for you and for me. YES GO ON AND MAKE A BUNCH OF CLORA CLONES, I COMMAND IT👉👉👉
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and last but not least the most important question. honestly i like plain sweets a lot with no icing/filling. im a slut for shortbread cookies and also just plain glazed donuts. and also custard/portugese/egg tarts, which i also forced clora to like in my fic HAHA. IF YOU HAVENT HAD THEM YOU HAVE TO, THEYRE SO GOODđŸ˜©đŸ˜©đŸ’–đŸ’–
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gunnrblze · 4 months ago
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Roommate!Hesh
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Hello friends. This is my first actual lil piece of writing I’m posting (in this fandom, on this account lol). I’m debating turning it into a full fledged fic, so if you’re intrigued by that I’d love to know! Not to abase myself or anything, but my writing is quite mid lmfao, I just enjoy my silly thoughts n ideas so here you go :)
‱1k+ words, SFW, could possibly be read as some slight stalker-ish behavior if you squint, but nothing actually dark like that! The man is just down bad :(
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You weren’t exactly sold on living with a stranger yet. Especially not some army guy, but you had little choice.
Desperately needing a roommate after moving to Santa Monica, a friend mentioning a friend of theirs who has a brother. A brother who happens to be looking for a roommate too.
You trusted your friends judgement enough to pursue the recommendation. Figuring that living with a special forces soldier could either be pleasantly uneventful, or a dumpster fire, based on what you knew of the type.
But David, or Hesh as everyone reportedly calls him, was decent. Clean, respectful, kind when he toured you around the apartment. The near boyish charm that laced itself between his heavy presence may have caught your attention.
But a fling, especially with a new roommate, was not what you needed.
Your room was smaller than his, but having gotten to the apartment second to him, you understood first come first served. You just enjoyed the in-unit washer and dryer and stainless steel appliances, if you were being honest.
The apprehension you had, the hang ups of starting a new chapter, moving in with someone you only just met through a friend of a friend, started to dissipate sooner than anticipated. Instead filled in by a dull surprise.
Hesh worked pretty often, but even when he wasn’t around, it’s as if he were still there.
His section of chores always finished, some of yours even started or done completely for you. You asked him about it after divvying up the household responsibilities, making sure you weren’t confused.
But he insisted it was “no biggie”, he’d just found himself taking the trash out on his way to work. Tidying the kitchen up after he got home in the middle of the night and cooked himself an impossibly late dinner.
Said dinner he left in the fridge the next morning, a sticky note on top explaining that you should finish it up so it doesn’t go bad.
Leftovers usually kept for days though, didn’t they?
His boots by the front door, the smell of his aftershave somehow lingering everywhere throughout the apartment, his hat left in the bathroom and the goddamned coasters that he insisted be used around the living room.
When he wasn’t there, it felt like he was. A ghost permeating the walls. His broad frame, tall and wide, voice deep, green eyes that somehow always landed on you when he was near. They weren’t quite unsettling eyes, they were penetrating. As if he could see what lie inside you, too.
But when he was there, it felt almost arresting. Interrupting. You barely knew him, only lived with him for a few weeks.
But you weren’t sure whether you could tell if it even felt that way anymore.
Anything he bought, you were free to use or eat. Was he just that nice? Your old roommates wouldn’t let you touch their things with a 10 foot pole. But what was his seemed to be yours in a way, too.
You chalked it up to him being an eldest child. But you weren’t merely being treated like a younger sibling.
Your Netflix subscription ended and you didnt want to spend the money to renew it, but it didn’t matter because Hesh had Netflix too. Which meant you had it.
Hesh had every kind of household tool one could need in his toolbox, which meant that you had them now too.
Except you couldn’t use them. Because he’d fix whatever you needed. Hang up any picture frame of yours on your wall as you started to decorate your space. And you merely let him, somehow unable to insist that you could indeed, handle it.
It was only natural when he’d asked if you wanted breakfast one morning, explaining that he made too much food. Too much of your favorite food. Or when he not so subtly watched how you made your tea, filing it away in his brain so he could bring you a cup one day when you were sick in bed.
And then some cough drops. And soup. And cold medicine.
Maybe you felt a bit like a guest at a bed and breakfast, or maybe he was just raised decently.
When the washing machine broke, he took a look at it before you could even bring it up to him, was he listening to you in the laundry room? Hard to say. Fixed it so you could do your loads of laundry.
But not before letting you borrow a t-shirt of his, since all your clothes were dirty, of course. You’d obviously have to wash the one you had on, too.
You thought you were surely screwed when your car broke down outside of work one day. But when you texted Hesh and asked if he knew of a good mechanic. he was, naturally, already in the area just running errands.
So he took a look at your car while you stood to the side and watched. Making a point not to watch his biceps flex around the ring of his t-shirt sleeve, or the way he brushed the sweat off his forehead.
Surely you were paying attention to his explanation of the drive belt in your car being too wore out, and not the way his fatigues stretched over the meat of his thighs.
Why was he in his work uniform if he was just running errands? You didn’t think about it very much.
Your job had been stressing you so much, and it appeared something like second nature for him to wrap you into a hug, rubbing his hand up and down your back, murmuring things that seemed too dulcet for a roommate of hardly even a month to soothe you with. Even though it helped.
He was always there, his magnetism suffocating. But not in the way that two hands might feel around your neck. But in the way the sunshine feels beating down on you. The way you feel tipsy before feeling fully drunk, charged but blissful.
Pleasantly inescapable.
You didn’t really stop to fully question his comforts though, not when he made you a cup of tea and put a movie on in the living room, sitting a bit too close to you.
Not that you minded of course, considering you fell asleep with your head on his shoulder.
And what kind of roommate would he be if he didn’t pick you up and tote you off to your bedroom? He knew you were half awake, and you knew he knew, but it didn’t matter.
With one arm hooked under your knees and the other around your back, your face that didn’t need to be pressed to his chest, it just didn’t matter.
Because what kind of roommate would he be if he didn’t lay you in your bed and cover you up, setting your alarms on your phone so you’d wake up the following morning?
How did he know your passcode? How did he know exactly what alarms you set?
It didn’t really matter to you after he kissed your head goodnight.
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blitzyn · 2 years ago
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special attention
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dottore x m!reader
request : none
Synopsis: Piquing Dottore's interest was something you never expected to achieve during your entire time as a Fatui Agent.
second part | third part
a/n -> omg im so sorry i was gone for so long i didnt know what to write and i was so tired pls forgive me
wc -> 2.2k
cw -> dubious consent, overstimulation, dacryphilia, vibrators, desk sex, slight mirror sex?, semi-public sex, accidental exhibitionism?, anal fingering, anal sex, reader is a fatui agent, reader is a masochist, dottore is a sadist, biting kink, slight blood, rough sex, no aftercare sorry
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“You’ve intrigued me.”
Three words you never expected to hear, especially not from your Lord, Dottore. Compliments from him were not easily given unless the person in question had done something that truly garnered his attention - which was an incredibly rare feat. You filed through your memories in search of anything that could answer your question.
Nothing.
So why has he summoned you to his office?
“It is an honor, my Lord,” thoughts ran rampant through your head. “May I ask why I have gained your attention?”
You could hear him rise from his chair and walk over to you. His steps echoed on the cold, marble floor that grew louder upon his approach. He stopped in front of you, his black boots the only thing you could see from your kneeling position. “You’re the most impressive Agent that has worked under me.”
“You have captured and detained countless traitors and secured numerous bases throughout the nation. Not a single person has reclaimed those areas during your stay there,” he counted your achievements. “Yet, all of this has been done with not a crack in that calm facade of yours.”
“I have studied your methods of retaining information, and have been unable to decipher a hint of ulterior motives, or
 emotions,” your eyes widened underneath your mask. He was watching you?
You fought the urge to flinch when his hand suddenly found itself on the top of your head to move your hood. “Not a sliver of pent up anger. Grief. Excitement. Nothing.”
“Naturally, this has brought a deal of curiosity to me,” he tightly held onto your hair to force your head back. His other hand removed your mask, revealing your face. “Maintaining a persona such as yours is no easy task, I imagine.”
He tugged on your hair to pull you up from your knee. He shifted himself behind you as soon as you got to your feet. “Of course, there must be some sort of weakness to it. You don’t strike me as heartless.”
His hand moved to your neck, palm resting over your Adam’s apple, feeling it bob when you swallowed. You stared straight ahead, ignoring the way his masked gaze bore into the side of your face. He slid it lower, down to your collarbones and chest. His hand rested on your left pec, smirking to himself upon feeling your racing heartbeat. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted to see you lose your composure completely.
He squeezed the muscle and pinched your nipple before sliding it farther down your body. He paused at the waistband of your pants. He noticed that you were no longer focused on the wall, but on his hand instead.
Were you anticipating what he was going to do next? Were you dreading it? What did you feel? The pounding of your heart was an insufficient amount of information.
He covered your cock - already semi-hard. “Oh? Excited, are we?”
He received no reply as he began to gently stroke you through your clothes. He saw your jaw tense, much to his hidden amusement. He was getting there.
To the average eye, it would seem as if you were bored; annoyed even. But he knew better with the way your dick twitched and throbbed from his touch, with the way a small spot of your pre-cum soaked through the fabrics.
He suddenly pulled away, much to your dismay. You dared not to move without his permission.
“Strip,” he demanded. You were still caught off-guard with the command, despite having predicted it. He crossed his arms at your pause. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”
“Apologies, my Lord,” you said, swiftly undoing all of the buttons and ties in your clothes. Your skin prickled with goosebumps from the cold air of the room, feeling your face heat with embarrassment as he inspected your bare body. He was most drawn to the numerous amounts of scars that littered your flesh. Did you react? ‘Did you scream?’ he thought when he spotted a particularly harsh one.
He placed his hands on your shoulders to guide you closer to his desk, bending you over when you met the edge. His gloved fingers removed the thin piece of underwear that was left on your person. You hid your face in your crossed arms, too humiliated from being completely nude in front of Dottore.
Your eyes shifted when you could no longer feel his presence behind you, watching as he walked behind his desk. He gave you an amused smile as he dug through a drawer, retrieving a small vial and something else before returning back to you.
You curiously looked over your shoulder, trying to figure out what the other item was. He poured about half of the fluid in the vial on his hand, slick noises filling the cold room. He spread your ass apart before pushing the tip of his finger inside you.
You watched intently, slightly wincing in discomfort with the way his finger felt against your walls. You suddenly gasped when it brushed over a spot inside you, tensing up in response.
He suddenly stopped on your prostate, pressing up against it with enough force to render it uncomfortable. He pressed the palm of his other hand on the shaft of your cock, a cold object making it twitch in response.
"Normally, this device would be used to dissolve solids in liquids," he briefly explained. "But I suppose it could be used differently."
You couldn't restrain the moan that left your throat when he activated it, the harsh vibrations traveling all throughout your body. He began moving his finger again, prodding your prostate repeatedly. He added another one to begin a scissoring motion. His other hand gently jerked you off, sliding the device up and down your shaft. You clenched around his fingers when he circled the vibrator on your tip, biting down on your arm to quiet your noises.
Your eyes closed in concentration, focusing on breathing through your nose. The coil in your abdomen tightened with each passing second.
“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself. “I-I’m about to cum, my Lord.”
“Don’t,” Dottore replied. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak, opting to bury your head in your arms. You lightly squirmed on his desk, trying to find something to distract you of your incoming orgasm. You tensed when his hand around your weeping cock tightened considerably to stroke you faster. Your heart dropped when the heat became far too hot for you to bear.
With a strangled squeak, you came, jutting your hips forward. Dottore removed his hands as soon as the first rope of cum spurt from your cock.
“I have never thought I’d ever see the day you’d disregard my order,” he said, pressing himself flush against your backside. You could feel his erection straining through his pants as you rambled apologies.
“Silence,” he demanded. “Though, seeing as you’re not one to disobey me to begin with, I suppose I can let it slide just this once.”
“Thank you, my Lord,” you said through shaky breaths. His hands caressed your hips, smearing your cum and fluids across your skin. He grinded against your ass before flipping you over on the desk, wrapping your legs around his waist. Your eyes widened when you saw your reflection on the ceiling.
“It was used back when I didn’t have a large enough laboratory. I instructed my subordinates, and they watched through the mirror. It’d take too long to remove, so I decided to keep it,” he explained while swiftly undoing his pants. “We find new uses every day, don’t we? How exciting.”
He brought the vial back out and poured the other half of the fluids on his dick. He rubbed it around before pressing the tip against your hole. You intently watched through the mirror as he slid inside, holding onto the tops of your thighs tightly. The stretch he made burned, but - god - if you said it didn’t feel good, you’d be lying.
The pain went straight to your cock as Dottore groaned and mumbled about how tight you were. Every nerve in your body was on fire, shooting sparks of electricity up and down your body. He was about halfway inside when he suddenly slammed the rest into you, forcing a low moan from your throat. He didn’t give you any time to adjust, starting at an overwhelming pace.
He did not waste a second to begin fucking you how he desired, every slap of his hips hard enough to hurt. His desk shook as various papers fluttered onto the floor. You dug your nails into the wood, leaving crescent imprints. You stared at your jolting body, or, more specifically, at his cock moving in and out of you.
Your eyes were half-lidded with steady, low moans - much to his disapproval. Having memorized where the one special spot was from his fingers, he angled his hips a certain way so his dick brushed against it every time he thrust. You tightened your legs around him in response, beginning to release louder whimpers and groans.
One of his hands snaked over your body to your chest, rubbing his thumb over your perked nipple. You clenched tighter around him and let out a choked moan when he suddenly pinched hard.
“Oh, you like it when it hurts?” he noted, adjusting his hold on you to lean forward. You could feel his heavy breath on the junction of your shoulder and neck before he bit down with enough force to draw blood, letting it leak through the sides of his mouth. The burning pain only merged with the onslaught of pleasure, amplifying it to send you crashing into your orgasm. Spurts of cum reached even to your chest.
Your hands tightly held onto Dottore’s shoulders, trembling pitifully. He helped you ride your high until you finally loosened your grip on him. He pulled away, a trail of your crimson blood rolling down his chin. He licked his lips clean and wiped the stream with his thumb to place it in his mouth. He removed his cock from you; much to your confusion.
He was still hard. What was he
?
Oh.
He retrieved the vibrating object from before and activated it. He shoved it as deep inside you as he could go with his fingers before quickly replacing them with his dick. Your back arched, feeling the vibrations reverberate through your entire body. His deep groan was drowned out by your surprisingly whorish moan, feeling him fuck the vibrator deeper than you thought possible.
He resumed his relentless pace, watching you intently. His cock twitched and throbbed with every unrestrained moan you made, using it as motivation to go harder and faster. His hand grabbed your aching dick and stroked alongside his thrusts. You let out a string of curses (that you tried to silence - you hope he didn’t mind) as the added stimulation sent your nerves into overdrive.
It quickly became too much, and, before you knew it, tears flooded your eyes and fell down the sides of your face. It sent an unexpected shock up and down Dottore’s spine that triggered his orgasm, rope after rope of cum dumped into you. His hips spasmed as he engraved the sight to memory. Your walls clenched tightly around him, as if you were milking everything he had to offer.
The vibrator ceased to stop as he slowly pulled out, strings of his cum and lube attached to his pelvis and cock.
“M-My Lord, please,” you sobbed into your hand. “Pl-Please turn it - fuck - off!”
He pressed two fingers inside you with ease, prodding around inside you before humming. “It seems I pushed it too far inside you to reach. You’re going to have to push it out.”
Your stomach dropped. If this wasn’t the most humiliating bullshit you’ve ever heard in your life.
You tilted your head back with a moan, the agonizing build-up to your orgasm was so slow but was the fastest thing you’ve experienced at the same time. You squirmed on the desk as he fixed himself, knowing he was waiting.
You tensed and pushed, but you were unable to get it out of you. You wanted it out, but your body kept it deep inside. With a moan that sounded more like a sob, your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks.
“I can’t,” you cried. “‘M so-sorry.”
With a disappointed huff, he turned the vibrator off with a remote he had elsewhere and pulled the vibrator out. Although he wanted to see you push it out, he was satisfied with finally being able to see something other than your usual facade. He let you get your bearings as you stared at the mirror.
‘Holy fuck,’ you thought through your hazy mind. With a considerable amount of effort, you sat up.
He began picking up the papers that fell before turning to you. “I will grant you a day off tomorrow, but do expect to see me again soon.”
With a tired nod, you said, “Yes, my Lord.”
You put your clothes back on as fast as you could and promptly left his office. A few subordinates idly stood around, some with beet red faces, and others straight up refusing to look at you.
You rolled your eyes, trying to keep your cool when you felt his cum dribbling out of you.
You couldn’t wait to see him again.
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cross-posted on ao3
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verboselocket38 · 7 months ago
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tw: a//bu//se
Before I get into this I just want to say that although I am a critic of HH/HB, I still like the show either way. This post is not meant to attack anyone, its just to give my thoughts.
So there has been something about Stolitz I have been thinking about recently and I just think that even IF Stolas is sorry for what he did to BlitzĂž, its best for the two to just move on. I mean imo if you were to get back together with your abusive ex after they apologized for the horrible stuff they did (whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or in this case coersion) then what is stopping them from doing it again? Even if they DO stop hurting you, it doesnt change the fact that they hurt you. Just because the abuser claims something like "Hey, whatever horrible things I might say and do to you, I still love you no matter what" is a BIG red flag. Stolas is an abuser. BlitzĂž is a victim. People say that its BlitzĂž's fault he does not feel the same way Stolas does. Even if their relationship was healthy, you can't force someone to fall in love. Even IF BlitzĂž felt the same way as Stolas those moments are few and far between. And just because you have a crush on someone that doesnt necessarily mean that you should be in a relationship with them, ESPECIALLY in this context. Just because Stolas was sexually repressed does not excuse the fact he forced BlitzĂž into sexual coersion. Just because he had a mean wife it does not excuse him for his actions. The show puts Stolas in a light where he didnt do anything wrong, and made him and his relationship with BlitzĂž a predictable cliche love plot. I always WANTED to like this ship, I really do... But when I see people trying to romantacise something toxic, it makes me worry if this is how they will treat REAL people. Because, lets be real most Vivziepop stans are 13 year olds who think saying the f-bomb in every sentece is peak writing.
To Stolitz shippers: Just because someone doesnt like Stolitz, does not make them homophobic. I dont like Stolitz because it romanacizes a toxic relationship. Yes the show is fictional, but fiction has bleed into reality before.
youtube
I think this is the best video that hits the nail on the head. I am not trying to demonize people who like this ship. I HATE HARASSMENT.
To Critics/Haters: PLEASE DO NOT HARASS PEOPLE WHO LIKE THIS SHIP. While I find myself uncomfortable shipping relationships that are toxic, its imature to harass people over it. It does not make you a better person. Not all Stolitz shippers are horrible people, there are both horrible people in the Fandom and Hatedom. We already have many people in the community who left the community from both sides. So please be more open minded about this.
Thats all
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jazzyblusnowflake · 7 months ago
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Ooo, question just came to mind. How did the whole polycule come to be? I know you said they get together after everything and after N and Uzi are already dating, but how did they agree to the whole thing? Because I can imagine Uzi feeling quite conflicted about V's flirting and wanting to check in with N about the whole thing.
This was kinda a question I had for myself as well since I'm writing a fic with Nuziv in mind but I wanted to see how your version goes down, since the one I have planned has radically different timing.
to be fair you ask "how did they agree to the whole thing" when they hardly thought about anything at all 😭
V simply decided one day that if she was gonna be dealing with Uzi every day she might as well make it more enjoyable for herself too- the teasing and jabs became less and less coated in malice and they started to joke around more and even agree on things [never a good sign in Ns honest opinion 😭] and after a while it turned into playfights and joke flirting and then just flat out flirting.
this process didnt just happen with Uzi, it also went along with N. just a bit differently i guess, just like how i showed you in the previous snippet on N and V arguing lol. N started feeling jealous but not because of V STEALING Uzi or anything, V just silently challenges him to one up her all the time and they kinda got stuck in this loop of who could make Uzi more pleased.
after a while, im guessing maybe in a cuddle pile after N and Uzi forced V into, they all just kinda sorta thought like "wow, well shit. i really cant live without them..." and they unofficially decided they are all together. it didnt have a name for a long time until they were actually ready to be closer and admit they liked eachother romantically. but that was more of a thing to be said to set boundries and make it official. otherwise as far as flirting goes, they had been doing it subconciously for a long time lololololol-
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septembriseur · 25 days ago
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i just went in for another reread of the old words, and it remains one of the most gorgeous and brutal character studies ever posted on ao3 dot edu lol. i have found myself thinking about it a lot recently, since it is so much about violence and survival and existential anxiety when one's country has basically ceased to exist and one's citizenship is toxic. your musings on that kind of victimhood/perpetration balancing act and the resulting power paradox have really clarified things for me. but it is quite a different experience to be reading it in october 2024 than it was to read it in may 2021. and i know that your own life has changed so much since then. i seem to remember you saying somewhere that you went into writing it with ethical questions, and writing it didnt answer those questions, but it got you closer. it would be interesting to see you do a postmortem on that fic now. only if you want to! much love.
Well, first of all, THANKS.
It's crazy reading that story and seeing how clearly ideas (or revelations?) were percolating that would become fully formed after August 2021.
In terms of the central moral statement, I think it holds up. Actually, I'm struck by the light it sheds on a struggle I've been having recently: how to explain to people why torture and collateral damage are wrong. (Yes, this is a real, practical problem I'm dealing with.) I find myself wanting to explore the idea more, particularly because I'm surprised by how much I really like the Zemo that I created. (I was so good at writing dialogue then!)
I suppose I also feel that I didn't too badly at communicating other things, because there are parts that I feel so much more strongly about now that I could almost cry reading them, even when they're a little heavy-handed.
There are definitely technical things about the story that I would change. I don't think I had a fully formed idea of what I thought Sokovia was, and that ended up developing in more detail in my subsequent WIP. (Somewhere I have an extraordinarily detailed timeline of Sokovian history.) I had a shallower understanding of almost all of the issues involved: what it means to live with a history of violence; what it means to have lost your homeland; what it means to be "developing." I also think that I was more cautious and less radical than I am now:
I'm struck, in particular, by how I felt the need to clearly signal (at least inasmuch as I ever clearly signal anything in my stories) that, while rape was used as a weapon of war by Sokovian forces, Zemo did not participate. This seems cowardly. I'm very troubled by the way that, in general, fic treats rape as a kind of moral horizon. Characters can torture, murder, even mass murder— commit a variety of other war crimes— but to rape makes one an Evil Person. This, of course, is crazy. The men who rape in war are just as banal as other war criminals. I can imagine a more effective and less popular version of this fic in which Zemo did use rape as a weapon of war, which is consistent with the historical examples I've drawn on, and must overcome that as well as the rest of his sins. In fact, I very much want to write that story— if only I could carve out the time to do it.
Somewhere inside me is a great truly radical postcolonial fic. Or, well, I have an original sci-fi novel that I've outlined that gets into some of the same issues, but really I'd love to write a truly savage Zemo fic, in part because I want it to be a commentary on the sanitized antipolitics of the MCU.
In summation: it's not perfect, but I still love it, and I wish I could write more.
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specific-dreamer · 2 months ago
Text
the people have spoken and i shall be writing the pic where pony and johnny never went to dally
BUT i can’t decide if it should be in darry’s pov or pony’s so i’m gonna write the start to both under the break and then you guys pick
for the people who asked to be let aware here are your tags, it's not done but here's a progress report i suppose: @theleopardstalker, @darry-queen, @skaryskeletons, @too-damn-good-for-growing-old, @dancertori24, and @johnnyburntcake
(save for when you have time because it is v important to me that you know i’ve only written the introduction, the thesis if you will, and pony section is 642 words and darry’s is 375 words. and im not even done i simply forced myself to stop there)
darry’s
darrel shaynne curtis is not a rough person. full send. well, okay, he was rough during football, but you can’t play ball and not be rough. especially not when you’re captain. then again he also loved ganging up on sodapop with ponyboy when they was younger, and well let’s just say darry always ended up bribing soda not to snitch to their mama at the end.
okay fine, maybe darry was a rough person. maybe it was that part of him that hit pony tonight. it was that part of him that scared his baby brother so bad the poor kid ran away. from him. darry was never going to forgive himself.
“darrel?”
he was never one for dramatics but he had half a mind to cut his hands off, just to make sure he never messed up like this again. he’s not too sure how’s he’d cut his left hand off after cutting his dominant hand, but that was a problem for later. then again, who’s gonna pay the bills if he has no hands to get work done.
“darrel?”
right. scratch that idea. it wouldn’t be fair on soda anyways, leaving him with the responsibilities of paying bills and keeping everyone together because darry was too fucked up to be useful.
his eye starts to twitch and his leg starts shaking. something that usually only happens when darry is real scared. it goes without saying it hasn’t done it since his mama and daddy died.
glory, he really fucked up didnt he? what if ponyboy doesn’t come back home? soda would hate darry for that. or what if pony doesn’t want to come back unless darry was gone? soda might not like it for a day or two, but his littles had always been closer with each other than they ever were with him so he might not mind so much.
darry’s not much for dramatics, he preferred to leave that to pony, but if it came down to it, darry would leave just as fast as their parents died. (
too soon?)
“darrel!”
darry jerks so hard he can taste that metallic twang that blood has. he bit his tongue and somehow, the hurt that came with it quieted his mind a little.
pony’s pov
when ponyboy wakes up, his first thought is that sodapop had to stop throwing him in the lake. no matter how many times soda threw him, pony would never learn how to swim like that.
he sits up to say just that to soda when his eyes sees someone laying on the grass. okay
 he's never been at the lake without his parents before. and it’s dark outside which is really weird; his mama never lets him outside past the street lights, the last time he was out late his mama was in a worry and his dad was so mad he was honestly a little worried he was going to get the breaks beat off him if darry hadn't stepped in and took the blame.
staring at the person, pony rubs his eyes. that doesn’t matter, right now he needs to figure out which one of his dumb brothers were laying in the grass before they got a crook in their neck or before they dad came looking for them. he’s not sure what’s worse; on the one hand, whichever brother it is would surely complain and blame pony for the crook in their neck even though it’s totally not his fault. on the other hand, if their dad finds them they’d surely get the lecture of a life time and would never hear the end of it.
yeah, pony thinks with a shudder. his dad finding them would definitely be worse. pony shakily gets to his feet and walks closer to the figure. he’s only about three feet away when he sees the pool of blood and the mop of brown hair. his stomach drops before his brain remembers neither of his brothers have brown hair.
it’s only then that it occurs to pony that they aren’t at the lake. it’s only then that ponyboy is brought back to the present. that he realizes he doesn’t have to worry about his mama worrying or his dad coming to look for them. (they’re never going to worry or look for him again and, god, pony has yet to accept that, but he can’t wait for the day it hurts less to remember it.)
and it is then, when ponyboy is staring hard at the brown hair and the pool of blood, that he remembers where he is. he’s at the park. because darry hit him and he- oh god, he came here with johnny, where’s johnny?
pony whips around, his heart once again dropping. but johnny's still alive. shaking and wiping his blade on the grass, but alive. that’s good, pony doesn’t think he’d be able to make it up back home with his sanity in tact if that was johnny bleeding out.
ponyboy is so in his thoughts he can hardly hear johnny speaking, “i killed him. i killed that boy.”
pony can’t bring himself to look at johnny for too long, out of fear that his mind will start to replace the body with johnny. but yeah. he's right, johnny did kill him. pony can’t really recall his biology class real well right now, but he can remember something about how the human body can only lose so much blood and that boy has definitely lost it.
darry’s gonna be so mad at pony for getting caught up in a murder case. thats if he’s not mad at pony for getting nearly killed himself. his stomachs twists at the thought.
glory.
ponyboy almost died tonight. he knew it was always a possibility, he wasn’t going to live forever. but god. those socs really wanted to take his life tonight and for what? talking to a girl? he’s not soda, it’s not like pony ever even had a shot at cherry, even if he wanted one (and he did kind of, but not if it risked his life).
pony was shivering something fierce when be finally looked away from bob. “johnny, i think im gonna be sick.”
he barely hears johnny giving him the go ahead as he does his best not to vomit all over bob. he never liked bob but pony can at least show him a little respect since it’s his fault the kid's dead.
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months ago
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AITA for being friends with someone my roommate didnt like?
ok this might be long but here we go. Last semester I had a roommate who I liked pretty well, and we had a mutual friend, H. At some point, roomie got mad at h because h had apparently outed someone as schizophrenic.
H is not exactly anti-weed, but she is very adamantly against it for herself and anyone else at risk of psychological complications from it. My roomie was smoking with someone who h knew to be schizophrenic, so h told the group that they were smoking with about her concerns. I don't really agree with the way h went about this, but I'm ashamed to admit I sort of forgot to bring it up with her.
Later, h told me that roomie was avoiding her, and we talked about her possibly apologizing and why it was something roomie was particularly sensitive to.
[I'm afraid there's something missing here, maybe something more that I did to drive roomie away. I dunno.]
Roomie began to avoid both of us, but I didn't realize that it was on purpose and I was probably forcing myself into conversations with them because of that. Eventually, roomie started to move out of our room without telling me. Somewhere towards the beginning of this, a mutual friend? of ours made a joke about them looking for a new roommate. I asked why their books were all packed up, they told me it was because they'd be taking them home for thanksgiving. I thought ok, sounds like a lie, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I truly had no idea why they would be moving out. I gradually went a little crazy watching them sleep in another room and pack all their stuff up, all the while saying nothing to me about it. I finally asked them about it, and they told me yes, they were moving out. Problem is though I think they might've been upset about something already when I asked about it? But they said they were fine so I accepted that as the truth. Again, I dunno. I think I was rude during this interaction but sadly can't remember anything I said besides yelling maybe the start of a sentence and then cutting myself off.
They moved out the next morning. I offered to help, they asked me not to. I was really upset and, stupidly, decided to take it up with them. That evening when I asked if we could talk, they openly rolled their eyes at me. I know it's stupid and probably the most asshole-y thing in this ask, but that drove me crazy. I said some shit, I don't remember what, but part of it was that I was "disappointed" in them. I don't know what that was supposed to be but it was NOT what I wanted to say. They, understandably, were really mad. I left and, too soon, texted them an apology. They replied, not rudely, telling me they don't want any contact with me, but also said, and I'll paraphrase, that they knew h had told me some things (probably referring to the possible reasons they moved out) and [my] friend is one of the reasons [they] left because they like to lie. This really hurt me because I still have no idea what this was about.
Later on, I'm not sure how much later, I was talking to h while roomie and their friends were in the next room. h was saying some things about the situation that I thought were a little extreme. I don't totally remember the order of events but it somehow ended up that roomie was yelling at h and they said something about h "creeping on transmasc freshmen." H is a trans woman and a sophomore, we are college students. I have a vague idea of who this might be referring to, if not myself or my roomie, who I don't think identifies as transmasc, but h had led me to believe that things ended amicably with this third party.
Anyways this story doesnt totally fit the aita format but I just needed to write it all out. If you're involved in this story, please know I'm trying not to be mad abt it anymore which is why I'm submitting it here, I'm hoping to be told why i'm TA or NAH.
What are these acronyms?
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bedoballoons · 1 year ago
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AHHH Hii!! I have a request for maybe a Yandere!Xiao x Reader who has body image insecurities, but he just doesn't understand why since he thinks your so pretty/handsome. So when you finally open up to him about who and why makes you feel that way, he's just like "what now??"
I want to join the anon gang too but I don't think I'll be as interactive as the others if y'know what I mean. (â â€ąâ Â â â–œâ Â â â€ąâ ;⁠)
Helloo!!! I love this request so much eeee! Thank you for the yandere! Xiao, I feel like I don't write him enough! I hope you enjoy!
Also you can join even if you aren't as active, the anon gang is a place everyone is welcome, to join in all the time or just check in every now and again. It's a safe place to come have fun or talk about things you can't normally share <3 We'd love to have you with us!
─⊰⁠âŠčàžșđŸ‚đ”Ÿđ•–đ•Ÿđ•€đ•™đ•šđ•Ÿ â„đ•–đ•’đ••đ•”đ•’đ•Ÿđ• đ•Ÿđ•€âŠ°â âŠčàžș🍂
{àŒ»~What now~àŒș}
CW: Angst to fluff! Yandere themes! Mentions of the reader being insecure about their body! Comfort <3
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
đ‘àŒ„Xiao:
"Please, explain it to me. How...how can you not look at yourself and see how goregous you are? To me, when I see you, it's like I've just come across the most beautiful sight in Liyue, like when you see the stars reflecting on the surface of calming waters...or when you hear your favourite song playing amongst the chatter of the humans. Who could have ever made you see differently?" Xiao pulled you closer, forcing himself to not pressure you to much...he just wanted you to see you the way he saw you..or at least tell him why you didn't, maybe whoever was responsible for your self doubt could be brought to their end by him...
"I...I have many reasons Xiao and I'm sorry, but I don't think the way I see myself will ever change. You may find it hard to imagine me thinking this way, but I find it far harder to imagine someone feeling the way you feel for me. Especially someone as wonderful and important as you..." You pulled away from his embrace, feeling tears well up in your eyes at finally opening up about everything you'd been feeling inside...were you wrong to think it would have been better if you didnt...
Xiaos hand softly touched your cheek, turning your face so he could look you in the eyes, "No matter the reasons, wether it is people saying you're not beautiful or yourself convincing your heart you're not worthy...trust me when I say you are. I do not lie...I could never lie, about how I feel about you and how you are. You're a gift from the world...and I cherish every second I get to be with you."
"X-xiao...I dont-"
"Shhh, I will say it as many times as needed. I love you, just the way you are."
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
àŹ˜(à©­*ˊᔕˋ)à©­* à©ˆâ™Ąâ€§â‚ŠËš~Have a nice day~*⁠.â ïżœïżœ
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4pfsukuna · 10 months ago
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Prof. Nanami puts his two smartest students together for a research project and you just can’t help teasing him
until he teases back.
Black coded reader, cause black af.mdni.
Tapping my long red french tips on the library table i let out another long sigh irritated with my (not chosen by me) partner.
We had been sitting here in silence a dimly lit corner in the back of the library our only exchange was “hey” so what could he possibly be typing.
“So i was thinking we could do our project on—“ i begin to speak taking my hand out of my leather jacket pocket only to be cut off by the dark eyed assailant. 
“No. I’ve already decided” he mutters out not moving his attention from the screen. Resting my chair forward so im no longer leaning i scrunch my nose.
“Theres no way you decided because i didn’t agree” and from the slight view i have of his face i can tell hes rolling his eyes.
This was exactly why i didn’t want to work with him
 or anyone. He was quiet, closed off, known as a loner and had these deep dark eyes that felt like he was stairing into the pits of your soul.
“Are you going to do all the work?” I ask with a raised brow before noticing not once has he even looked at me. Pushing even more forward to see what he was typing im unaware of our proximity until i notice the slight red blush covering his cheeks right under the mark on his nose.
Ive completely invaded his space my boobs nearly pouring out of the top of my black crop top and im pressed completely onto his arm.
“Am i making you uncomfortable” i tease and i couldn't help it when you grow up with step brothers like Sukuna and Yuji (our dad wanting to step out of his marriage and explore with an american woman actually explore his kink for black women which in all actuality he had a poor taste in women their mothers who decided it was time for her to live her dreams so she just up and left and mine who shipped me off as soon as she had the birds and bees talk which is all irrelevant since choso is storming out of the library laptop in tow and the last thing i need is to fail this final paper.
Grabbing my oversized purse and slinging it over my shoulder i chase after him and catch him in the hall.
“Wait wait wait” i huff out of breath because these heels were not made for running and he turns around facing me with a bored expression, you wouldn’t even think i offended him.
“Alright that was completely inappropriate and i shouldn’t have joked like that, but i also don’t want to fail or push all the work on you. I want to work on this project together” i breathe out standing infront of him blocking his path but as large as he was compared to me im sure he could step over me if he seen fit.
“What makes you think i want to work with you” he bites out and i let out the arrogant smile that solidified i was Sakunas half sister.
“Do you actually think professor Namami would place  the smartest person in the class with a idiot and have them do all the work? Come on now its Nanami he would put his two smartest pupils together to challenge another and write a final paper hes actually happy to read” i say as if its common sense cause it is. 
Its NANAMI.
I watch the debate in his eyes as he thinks over what i just said before his shoulders drop in defeat. I grin widely sticking my hand out as a form of truce which he painfully takes.
I force myself to bite back the smirk at his clamy hands knowing it was all my doing and use the grip to yank him closer.
“And i would love if you could send me what you have so far so i can begin doing research” i utter lowly licking my lips watching his glare never falter almost as if he's painfully keeping his eyes avoiding my mouth before bidding him goodbye a devious plan forming in my head.
The next afternoon when we meet in the library i offer sweets from a local bakery as an official truce which i can hardly read his expression at.
“Im sorry now that i think about it you dont seem much of a sweets guy” i feel foolish of course he didnt like sweets— my train of thought is interupted by him picking up a creme filled chocolate pastry.
“Shouldnt judge a book by a cover, every smart person knows that” he quipps quickly and my lips twitch in a smile. Ah so he does bite back. 
“Did you call me dumb?” I scoff playfully dropping bait which he quickly takes.
“Does the shoe fit?” He bites back and when i dont respond only send a playful glare i watch as the corners of his lips twitch up feeling proud i could get a smile. “Come on show me your work” 
And we spend the next two hours talking theories and sharing ideas conspiring every concept as his long fingers type away my thoughts later to be put into essay format.
Its not long before he lets out a yawn breaking our silence and i look up at him noticing the bags forming under his eyes slowly being covered by his bangs.
He was actually begining to look disheveled. Two signature buns drooping from running his hands through them bangs more full from the pueces of his buns and the bored expression— actually that was very on brand for him.
“Come on let’s wrap up your tired” i say softly twirling a stand off his bangs around my finger and i knew it was when he was too tired to cover his blush he was exhausted. 
Yup, still got it.
He swats at my hand sending me a pointed look to which i innocently bat my eyes up at him from the seat next to him.
And thats how it goes for the next few weeks smart remarks met by his even more quick witted remarks sometimes followed by a half smirk, my harmless flirting/ teasing which i may have taken too far the day i rested my palm on his inner thigh and he flew out of his seat claiming he needed to use the bathroom only returning 10 minutes later saying he had to leave.
Or the day he asked me to proof read a page leaning away from his computer so i could take it instead i lean forward hand resting on his shoulder unaware just how close his face was to my—
Both occasions i had to bring apology pastries.
And the more time we spent together the more i learned about Choso. How smart he is, what makes him tick, his favorite foods, what makes him blush the way i thought he was a boob man but ive caught his gaze on my thighs several times and i may purpousely wear shorter skirts on days i know were going to be together.
Today was no exception.
The only thing i hadn’t planned on was the air conditioner being on full blast. Probably my karma from the universe wearing the tiniest of clothes to tease him.
“Oh no were going to have to finish another day its freezing in here” i shiver crossing my arms over another trying to huddle into myself for warmth. The black (extreme)  mini skirt with short sleeve white shirt that had bows tying the back together with Sukunas red varsity jacket was such a cute look until he realized i was wearing his jacket and took it . He was now my least favorite brother and yuuji was in the lead, which he typically always was given his competition.
“What?!” Choso nearly begins to foam at the mouth. “Its our last day and were so close to being done we can actually submit it now and im sure we would get an A still” he quickly rambles out dropping our stuff on the table we usually took up. The library was nearly empty so him being loud was no bother at all to anyone probably because most students didnt know where the library was.
“So submit it, I dont do the cold” i shrug ready to grab my bag when he begins taking off his jacket placing it on my shoulders pulling my hair from put under the collar and going to his work.
“Probelm solved, now sit” he bites put and id never seen this side of him but it was kind of a turn on and probably karma rearing her head into me again because through all the teasing i developed a tiny crush on Choso. Like tiny though.
Super tiny.
Extremely tiny.
So tiny i couldnt help but flirt with him every chance i had and notice all his favorite things and Damn did his jacket smell good.
So tiny i knew every detail of the scar on his face and how it swerves slight over the bridge of his nose not just cause it curves but—
Damn his jacket smelled
 good wasnt a strong enough word. I was feeling intoxicated from how sensational his jacket smelled.
My crush was so tiny i made sure to bring his favorite pastries every tuesday and thursday because the way he smiled could brighten up my whole day.
My crush was so tiny i wasnt thinking about using my rose tonight to the smell of his jacket and the way he demanded me to sit down.
Imagine hearing that in the be—
Feeling a tight grip on my thigh my head snaps over to him and his eyes give me that bored yet slightly annoyed expression. 
“Stop fidgeting, its driving me insane and just let me finish typing the rest of what you wrote” he says like he cant wait to be done and i pout knowing this would be the last time we’d get to spend together. My crush would stay just that.
My eyes trail down noticing his buff arms veins sticking out something id never notice before. Has he always worked out. Going down even further i notice the silver rings spread across his fingers and almost choke.
I was going to need 10 minutes in the bathroom if he didnt move his iron grip. I just had one question.
“Have you ever fingered a girl with all your rings on?” I blurt
 and this time it was a genuine mistake. Of all the shit ive said this was the one i completely wish i didnt.  I was actually okay with us never speaking again, Sukuna says we should never have shame but i bet he would never do something like that.
Ok yes he would.
“Do you want to be the first?” I hear and nearly fall off the table if it wasnt for his iron grip on my thigh. I thank God for my brown complexion because my cheeks feel hot and I’m lost for words completely. Its when he begins to chuckle that i realize he was just giving me a taste of my own medicine. The weeks of comments and sexual innuendos id thrown at him and couldn’t handle one.
I feel the proud smile grow on my face and unknowingly squeeze my thighs together slightly squirming the idea still playing in my mind. 
“What if i said yes” i retort watching as he becomes flustered and that adorable blush comes back to his cheeks.
“Would it make you stop
 moving your thighs so much” he struggles his hand moving to my other thigh squeezing  and i grin knowing he had a thing for them and he can no longer hold back. His eyes meet mine until i lean forward placing a few soft kisses on his lips.
“Promise”
Ok that was a lie. It was all a lie.
Sitting on his right leg, my back pressed up against his chest and 2 of his fingers buried inside me the squirming absolutely hasn't stopped but it doesn't seem to affect him one bit as he edits the last bits of parts i wrote for our project.
“This is so good sweetheart, how about a third finger?” He ask rhetorically lips brushing against my ear and i'm so close to cumming at Dom!Choso cause whewwwww what a turn on. He curls his two fingers up as if he’s trying to pull the orgasm from inside of me and my legs clench together trying not to make too much of a mess.
He chuckles right against my ear and I'm losing myself at the stimulation, Biting my lip as he uses a third finger on my clit. My vision begins to blur and I feel myself about to cum for a second time.
“Look at you trying so hard to hold back those gorgeous moans after you spent the past month teasing me, fucking with me
 mmm so wet” he groans in my ear spreading my lips causing the squelching sound to be louder. His fingers brush a particular spot deep in my core making me fall apart as I bite my lip harder cherry lip gloss mixing with the iron taste of blood.
“I love every little sound you make Why try and hide it from me, would you really deny me?” He kisses up my neck using his other hand to pull my bottom lip from my mouth releasing a string of curses, his fingers never stopping their exploration of my walls.
He did show mercy, slowing down other hand snaking up my shirt cupping a boob until his fingers found my nipple. 
“You're so wet for me
 just me” he groans his teeth leaving marks down my neck to my shoulder and the idea of him being slightly possessive wanting to mark me so everyone knew i was his? My insides clench and he hums at the feeling.
His fingers pick up the pace once more and I have to close my eyes to hold on to every drop of restraint I have left between the way his fingers are moving expertly inside of me, the contrast of his warm hands to the cold rings on his fingers. I could stay here forever, one hand clutching his bicep the other on his thigh.
“Ch-choso i—mmmmm” i try to get out feeling my hips have a mind of their own grinding down on his fingers needily unaware of how he had me completely wrapped around them. He bites onto my neck and my release follows earning a groan from him as im left panting in his lap. What i dont expect to hear is the wet sound of him licking each of his fingers and the sight has me wet all over again my heart racing.
He chuckles pulling my chin toward him as he places his lips on mine i instantly kiss back gently sucking on his bottom lip earning a groan from him. He doesnt hesitate as his hands rub my thighs gripping and squeezing our tongues dancing together until he slowly pulls away lips and cheeks both red. 
“Lets go” i murmur placing another soft kiss on his lips only to receive a confused look.
“Yuji and Sukuna both are going to a party so they wont be back until 7am
 i have a free house where i dont have to worry about being quiet”
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divineintervention-comics · 5 months ago
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When did you first read the myth of Ganymede? And why did you chose to make a comic for this myth?
its a long and convoluted story but im happy to share. in 2015, i was in middle school, i made horror character designs based on the zodiac signs and those later became OCs (i have never read homestuck, everything i know about it was forced upon me by my friends in school). i used the myths as backstories for the characters when they are living constellations. i wanted to make a RPG and they were stars that fell to earth when the gods got too caught up in their bullshit and neglected humanity and the earth and now they have to save the world.
i was immediately attached to Aquarius (who is now Ganymede), he was always an androgynous perpetually dissociated character even before i knew the backstory. i was a teenager myself at this point when i really got into it, and i found the Zeus and Ganymede myth to be disturbing since i was his age. it stuck with me, to the point where i struggled to find the other constellations myths less compelling.
i dont know how to code and didnt know how to make games, i already felt like i was losing it bc its been in production hell since i was 12 and i was 17 at the time. i felt like before i make the game, i should make backstory comics for ALL 12 CHARACTERS (how i thought i would be able to do that when i only cared about 2-3 of the characters in the series who knows). i couldnt stop thinking about Ganymede, i couldnt stop thinking about a story where he is a character and not just an object in the narrative.
in 2020-2021, i made my first draft beta version, it wasnt called "Cupbearers", it was "Divine Intervention: Cupbearer". i just found the myth so compelling in a "i need to make a horror story out of this" way, i needed to cope with my own fears of kidnapping, sexual abuse, human trafficking, loss of bodily autonomy, transformations, immortality, and being stuck through this myth inspired comic.
Ganymede, even as Aquarius, has always been a cathartic character for me, both as a 12 year old and now as a 21 year old. i grow up but he is cursed with immortality, cursed with eternal youth, the world keeps moving on and he will never be able to catch up. stuck in the same spot, never moving forward, never moving backwards, just stuck working for the man who stole his life until the end of time, eternal punishment viewed as a gift by those who bestowed it upon him. how could you be so ungrateful? we gave you a gift. we took you away from everything you've ever known, we've taken away ownership of your body, we've turned you into a beast like us, being tortured by me is a gift, it is a privilege that i chose you, you ungrateful meat-thing.
but he is just a kid, i want to protect him, i want to draw him having fun, i want to draw him enjoying a good meal, i want to see him find any comfort in the horror that is immortality. he's only a kid. just a baby, barely even though puberty, his brain isnt done developing, he had a future, he could have grown up and chose his own life. i think about that a lot.
i just generally have a lot of thoughts, everything i write and draw for this project has a point, it has a purpose, its not just needless suffering i dont write despair. (some zeus x ganymede shipper vagueposted about cupbearers being needless wallowing without purpose bc i dont write fluff fics between a grown man and his child slave)
i really appreciate this ask!!! thanks for asking me about my thought process, i have so much going on in my head and i need to get it out somehow
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crazylittlejester · 4 months ago
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How do you think the Chain would react if they found out one of them had an allergy to a certain food after the hero ate the thing they were allergic to? The allergy can be as severe or as mild as you want it to be, and the hero who has the new found allergy also just found out with the rest of the group.
oooooh, okay okay
so i base Warriors’s food issues and fear of poisoning very much off of my own food allergies, and the reactions he has to said poisons (the way i write them) are based very much off of allergic reactions. So with that being said I think it would take him literally .5 seconds to understand what was happening and how to get someone a life saving potion or a fairy even though their throat is literally closing up. because he could probably recognize the symptoms just by looking at them (because i was able to look at my friend who was in the middle of trying to figure out if they really HAD just eaten an allergen and just know because I recognize those kind of panicked facial expressions and i know why someone might be testing to see if they can swallow okay and if their tongue is swollen. when something that threatens YOUR life is actively starting to threaten your friends, you kinda just know and you recognize the signs even before they start breaking out in hives)
but if Wars DIDNT have knowledge of a similar experience, i think it would take everyone a hot minute to understand the situation. food allergies are fucking weird and also fucking terrifying. sometimes your tongue is just tingling and you’re thinking to yourself “oh haha it must’ve just been spicy” or “ooh the food just has a scratchy texture” and you’re not really thinking “oh huh my life could be in danger right now-“. sometimes the same way eating spicy food makes your tongue feel is exactly how it feels when it’s swelling up because you ate something you weren’t supposed to and it takes a second for you to figure out which one it was
I headcanon Wind has peanut allergies (BECAUSE NO ONE CAN STOP ME đŸ«¶), and if he found that out with the chain I really think it would take himself and everyone else a good minute to figure it out. Like i can see Wild making some dish with peanuts in it and Wind being like “oh this is just spicy or whatever”, and trying to either force himself to think he’s completely fine or maybe he really just doesn’t understand what’s happening to him. and i think he wouldn’t tell the others until he was dizzy and nauseous or his throat was swollen shut, because that’s what would alert him something was SERIOUSLY wrong. I don’t think he’d try to hide it from the others on PURPOSE, i just think if it was his first reaction he’d be so confused as to what was happening to him
at some point tho I think someone would honestly just grab him and try to get a red potion in him, because at some point the visible symptoms would be so obvious to the others. and if it got to a point he couldn’t drink because his throat was so swollen, they have fairies
lmao sorry for rambling and if this was a bit incoherent, i just had spicy food and accidentally freaked myself out đŸ„ș (<- i am stupid, and also fine, it’s just been a long day lmao). THIS WAS A COOL ASK THO AND IT GAVE ME A CHANCE TO YAP ABOUT A HEADCANON SO THANK YOU, I JUST HOPE IT MAKES SENSE AND ISNT TOO REPETITIVE
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