#forced myself to write even when i didnt want to

[captaincowabunga]

first, cut clips arent cannon.

second caitlyn also apologized just not verbally as one of the biggest points in the show are actions speak louder than words. cait makes amends for what she did to vi by showcasing a big amount of trust by giving vi a choice with what she wants to do with jinx. in s2 jail cell scene when she says you really think i needed all the gaurds. shes saying she gave jinx and vi a open door to escape and live a happy life. caitlyn was willing to give up the love of her life if it meant her being happy. and no caitlyn isnt abusive. a fighting and conflict does not equal abuse and yes i will be comparing it to jayvik and timebomb bc they have just as much if not worse conflict as those to that yall just choose to completely skip past so you can continue to belittle this one lesbian ship and pretend like its the only one with problems.

not once did i say it was okay to hit mascs and expect them to stay idk where the hell you got that from because now your just pulling shit out of ur ass that i did not once say. caitlyn didnt force the badge she offered it. yes she was upset when vi refused not because she wanted to force vi into an uncomfortable position but because as she stated “if wvery enforcer had a heart like yours we could take on noxus itself”

caitlyn knows vi has a good heart and she wanted vi to be on the team to help take care of the crimes as she knew vi would be familiar with the undercity and how to handle it appropriately. it was vi’s choice to take that badge and she chose to wear that badge because she felt responsible for jinxs bad actions and knew she need to do smth to redeem it.

and unfortunately for you the physics are different in that show and it was confirmed by the writers. yall cant be talking abt “thats not how gas works it doesnt make sense” when like i said there are magical gems, furry hybrid ppl, vi’s dad is a giant werewolf, and vi carries gauntlets that are 200 pounds each like its light weight. and ekko being able to turn back time, traveling different universes. do yall really think real life physic logic matters in this show? there is literal magic. the physics are different in this show period. you can be upset about it but in reality its the truth and youre only upset about it bc it takes away another argument yall have “cait gassed the entirety of the lanes” by proving she didnt.

dont tell me i sound like a child when u are using your opinions as argument when this is a debate abt canon show interactions and conflict, coming up with things i never even said, and overall being hypocritical and egotistical because yall cant take the L for once

most cait stans (such as myself) can take the L in the fact that what caitlyn did was wrong and she definitely should have handled it differently. something yall cant understand tho or accept no matter how much evidence we give you is that caitlyn is not nearly as bad at she seems, yall are way overreacting it and watering down words with powerful meaning by labeling a fictional character as such even tho that character does not even closely resemble the meaning of those words.

again you wanna talk abt me sounding like a child when at least i can use the fact that i AM a child as an excuse. I am 15 handing you plenty of canon critical evidence, quotes from writers and pulling shit directly from the show. You are 21 worried about a fictional character and comparing its defenders to isreal from what ive seen one of ur most recent reblogs which in general is just fucking psycho not even immature just actually psycho when you should be more worried on which employment would help you be a little bit less chronically online or maybe retake a course or smth on how to actually write good character development and conflict.

“the writers literally said they got bored with vi’s character!”

Eat my ass its literally the “fans” saying that bs i cannot wait until these fake ass fans leave this fandom 💔

cuz why is it the ONLY thing yall will listen to when it comes to the writers is something they didnt even say?

yall denied EVERYTHING Amanda overton said that canonically proved caitvi wasnt actually toxic and basically denied everything else the writers said but you’re absolutely dick riding this misinfo. hop off bro 💔

[greencreekwolf]

just realized that i was being so damn unkind to myself while writing first son au

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Contemplating the concept of "potential" when it comes to intelligence and realizing how heartbreaking Logan's "Dreams come true, that's news to me" line in the Crofters Musical.

[westanleovaldito]

Spencer when r stays up for him^^^

Please go to bed?

Summary: reader stays up to greet spencer. Fluff, kinda short

Forcing myself to sit down and write because i love writting and i need to do things i love for my mental health or else ill stay in my depressed HOLE!!!

𓆏 Spencer turned the handle, listening to every click, taking agonizing time so as to not let the hinges creak. He hated making any noise at this time, but now that you had moved in? He would go far enough to say that he was utterly repulsed by anything short of silent.

So he sighed in relief when the door made no noise. And he kicked himself when his first step into the apartment was just a loud creak.

He mentally counted seconds,

1... 5... 10... 15...

Upon the twenty second mark, he realized he was holding his breath. He sighed, with the same amount of relief he thought only possible in horror movies.

Then, he heard a creak to mimic his own. He strained his eyes into his pitch black room, seeing a faint silhouette.

He wasn't big on cursing, but he wanted to as he registered you coming closer.

"My Spence..."

The words made his heart ache. He was your Spence. Even in the dead of night, even as your barefeet padded on the cold floor, especially as your tired arms reached for him.

"I'm so sorry love," he sighed as he set his bag down. He quickly reciprocated your embrace. His arms were tight around your shoulders and your arms were loose and lazy around his waist.

He pulled away to press a kiss to your forehead before looking down at you, cupping your face. "Did I wake you?" He almost whispered, big, sad, brown eyes boring into you, trying to look for any tells.

"Mm-n" you hummed in response, shaking your head. Your eyes were tired, apathetic to your own needs and clearly more focused on greeting him. "You told me you were comming home and I just couldn't sleep without greeting you"

"Maybe I should stop telling you things"

He said it with a smile, but it made you pull him into a much tighter hug.

"No!" It was almost a pout as you forced your cheek into his shoulder. "I worry too much for that!"

He chuckled, kissing the top of your head. "Alright, I'm sorry," he murmured lovingly. He shuffled foreward slightly, holding you tight to him so you could catch yourself. "Let's get you to bed..."

You couldn't process his rambling- something about the importance of sleep?

Either way, you only let go to crawl into bed. You didnt care about the shuffling of his clothes- he was within ten feet of you! You had greeted him at the door! You already did what you stayed up to do.

But maybe it was enjoyable... being conscious, just half asleep, when you felt the matress dip. Or when you felt his arm wrap around your waist.

Your eyes unconsciously blinked open, seeking the sight of him. He smiled at the sight of his lover, tired and warm.

You made a small effort, despite it being a simple action, to pull him closer and pucker your lips. His smile widened as he obliged. It was a soft, quick kiss. Still, it left the both of you feeling content and fulfilled.

"G'night Spence... Love you..."

"Goodnight," he sighed, scooting close enough to wrap himself around you entirely. "I love you too- and thank you, for always letting me say it in person."

[gf2bellamy]

Just watched s2 ep14&15 and when I tell you I cried my eyes out I mean it. Poor baby has to go through so much and alone and all the flashbacks😭😭😭😭. What hurt more was that he had to hide his drug addiction.

So for my mental peace could you write a fic where in female!reader x spencer (established relationship) where she immediately runs to him when they hear the gunshot not caring about precautions and gives him the biggest, protective hug and Spencer just just won't let her go and she wouldn't pull away too and when they reach back home she goes to his place and he breaks down in her arms and tells her everything and she stays with him the whole night everyday helping him through his addiction and withdrawals.

I know it's super long request 😭😭😭😭. Feel free to ignore it though. Love you and your writing! ♥️

Now I'm gonna cry myself I guess, wohoo😶‍🌫️

aftermath — spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: established relationship , spencer having withdrawals, mentions of tobias' body ( and tobias himself ) , mention of guns and dilaudid , spencer and reader both cry a/n: hii ! hope you like this <3 this hurt my heart i'm ngl - i didnt rewatch the entire ep and instead just watched clips on youtube so if i got anything wrong lmk

The world stopped the moment the gunshot cracked through the air.

It was like someone had ripped the oxygen from your lungs, leaving you hollow, suspended in a single, suffocating second. Your brain short-circuited, thoughts reduced to a frantic, broken chant no no no no no.

And then you were running.

The graveyard was a sea of shadows, the cold night air biting at your skin as you sprinted blindly between the headstones. Somewhere behind you, Hotch was shouting your name, but it barely registered.

The only thing that mattered was Spencer.

“Spencer? Spencer?” Your voice was raw, frantic. The syllables tore from your throat as you stumbled forward, feet crunching against the dirt and fallen leaves.

The images wouldn’t stop—the live feed flashing before your eyes, Tobias Hankel standing over Spencer, the way he had grabbed Spencer. The moment the screen cut to black, leaving only suffocating silence.

You weren’t sure if the trembling was from the cold or the fear or both. But then—then you saw him.

Spencer. Standing. Alive.

His body rigid, unmoving, as he stood over Tobias Hankel’s lifeless form. His shoulders heaved with each breath, the gun still clutched in his shaking hands.

You didn’t hesitate. You ran to him, feet barely touching the ground, and when you reached him, you collapsed into him with all the force of your desperation.

He froze.

For one agonizing second, he was still, his entire frame wound tight with tension. But then his arms came around you, clutching, grasping—his fingers twisted into the fabric of your jacket. He pressed himself against you, as if trying to mold himself into your skin, as if fearing that if he let go, you would disappear.

“I’m here,” you whispered, your voice trembling, barely more than a breath. The words burned in your throat, strangled by the lump of tears you hadn’t even realized you were holding back.

Spencer didn’t say anything. He just held you. Tightly. Desperately.

Like if he held on hard enough, maybe he could push away the horrors of what had just happened. Like if he crushed you close enough, maybe he could become part of you, escape himself for just a moment.

You could hear the rest of the team arriving. They didn’t pull you away and they didn’t tell Spencer to let go.

Spencer wouldn’t let go. Couldn’t. Not that you wanted him to let go.

His fingers were still twisted into your jacket, holding on with a force that felt desperate, almost painful. His whole body trembled against yours, breaths uneven, shallow, like he was trying to convince himself he was still here. That you were still here.

You tightened your arms around him, one hand coming up to cradle the back of his head, fingers threading through his damp, disheveled curls. You felt the way he shuddered under your touch, a broken sound escaping from somewhere deep in his chest.

Spencer still hadn’t spoken. He just held you, clung to you like you were the only thing tethering him to the earth.

So you stayed. You stayed in the middle of that graveyard, with the smell of gunpowder still lingering in the air.

Slowly—so slowly—his breathing evened out. His fingers unclenched slightly, though he still refused to release you. And then, finally, his voice, rough and barely audible, whispered against your skin:

"You came."

As if there had ever been any other option.

You tightened your hold on him, pressing your forehead against his shoulder, your reply muffled but unwavering. "Always."

You weren’t entirely sure when you stopped hugging.

Everything was a blur, a hazy, disjointed mess of moments slipping through your fingers like sand. It felt like you were barely in your body, like you were watching yourself move from somewhere far away.

At some point, you ended up in the car.

You didn’t remember how you got there—whether someone guided you or if your feet had just carried you on their own. The only thing that mattered was that Spencer was with you.

The car was silent. The hum of the engine was distant, muffled, as if you were underwater.

Your hand was in Spencer’s, fingers entwined, his grip loose but persistent—like he was afraid to hold too tightly but even more afraid to let go. He leaned against you, head resting against your shoulder, his body barely moving. He didn’t speak. Didn’t shift. Didn’t react to anything around him.

He just clung to you. And you let him.

You didn’t break the quiet. What was there to say?

The words would have been hollow, anyway—useless against the enormity of what had almost happened.

Occasionally, a tear would escape, tracing a slow, burning path down your cheek. You didn’t wipe it away. You just pressed a kiss to the top of Spencer’s head, your lips lingering in his tousled hair, breathing him in like a reminder—he’s here, he’s alive.

And when his grip tightened, when his breath hitched almost imperceptibly, you murmured it into the space between you: "You’re safe now."

A promise. A plea. A prayer.

Spencer didn’t respond. But he held on a little tighter.

Hotch drove you to Spencer’s apartment in silence.

You managed to give him a small, strained smile as you stepped out of the car—though you weren’t entirely sure it even registered as one.

But Hotch understood. He always did. With a barely perceptible nod, he lingered just long enough to ensure you both made it inside before pulling away.

As you stepped inside, Spencer was still eerily quiet. His hand was still in yours—or maybe yours was in his. You weren’t entirely sure anymore. Neither of you had let go, and at this point, you weren’t sure who was holding onto whom.

The apartment felt different. Usually, it was a place of comfort. But tonight, it felt hollow.

You weren’t sure what to say, and honestly, you were afraid that if you tried, you’d break. That the moment words left your lips, you’d start sobbing, and you weren’t sure you’d be able to stop.

Instead, you focused on the mundane, the mechanical—the things you could control.

Gently, you helped him out of his dirt-streaked jacket, your fingers brushing over the fabric, lingering on the faint traces of dust and dried blood. Your throat tightened, but you swallowed it down, hanging the jacket up.

Tomorrow, you told yourself. Tomorrow, you’d wash it. Tomorrow, you’d erase the evidence of tonight.

“Do you want to take a shower?” you whispered. You weren’t sure why you whispered.

Spencer shook his head.

“Okay,” you murmured, soft as a sigh. “That’s fine.”

The paramedics had already taken care of his injuries, cleaned the gash on his forehead, patched up the cuts and bruises along his body. But they couldn’t do anything for the way he felt.

So you did the only thing you could. You took his hand again and gently pulled him toward the bedroom.

He didn’t resist. Didn’t say a word. Just followed.

Usually, you would have made a teasing remark about how cute it was that Spencer kept following you around.

Because he did—a lot.

Just last week, he had hovered around you the entire time you were making breakfast, standing so close that every time you turned, you nearly bumped into him. You had giggled, playfully nudging him away, but he had just smiled that shy little smile of his and stayed right where he was.

Now, the memory carved a hollow ache in your chest.

Because now, this wasn’t the same.

Now, he wasn’t following you because he wanted to be near you. He was following you because he needed to. Because if he let go, if he lost contact with you for even a second, he might slip away entirely.

You pulled one of his sweaters from the dresser. Turning, you found him standing too close, his hands clenched at his sides, still wearing the vest that smelled of gunpowder and damp earth.

"Can I?" you asked softly, fingers brushing the edge of the blood-red fabric.

Spencer's gaze flickered up to yours—just for a second—but it was enough. His lips trembled. His breath hitched.

Your hand was on his cheek before you could think, thumb swiping away a tear before it could fall.

That was all it took.

A shattered gasp tore from his throat, raw and broken, and then he was collapsing against you, his entire body wracked with sobs. You caught him without hesitation, arms locking around him as his knees gave way.

"I thought—" His voice was fractured, muffled against your shoulder. "He made me choose, and I—I couldn't—"

You cradled the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair.

Words poured out of him like a flood—Tobias's taunts, the cold press of the gun, the paralyzing fear of being forced to decide who lived or died. His hands clutched at your shirt as he spoke.

"I kept thinking of you," he choked out, the words raw and fractured. "If I died there—if you had to watch—"

You squeezed your eyes shut against the image, your stomach twisting violently. Just the thought of it—of seeing that live feed cut to static, of waiting for news that never came, of losing him in the cruelest way imaginable—made your hands tighten instinctively around him, as if you could physically shield him from the memory.

"Don't," you whispered, your voice breaking. "Please, don't—"

But he kept going, the words tumbling out like he'd been holding them back for hours. "I kept seeing your face. I kept thinking—God, I kept thinking about how you'd be the one they'd call. How you'd have to—" His breath hitched, a ragged sob tearing through him. "How you'd have to identify me."

A wounded noise escaped you before you could stop it. Your fingers curled into his hair, pressing yourself tighter against him as if you could fuse the horror out of him through sheer proximity.

"But you didn't," you said fiercely. "You're here. You're alive. You came back to me."

Spencer shuddered, his hands gripping your arms like a lifeline. "I almost didn't."

The quiet admission shattered something in you.

You pulled him closer, your lips pressing against his temple, his cheek, anywhere you could reach—as if you could kiss the pain out of him, as if you could rewrite the last few hours with nothing but your touch.

"But you did."

You swallowed back the sob clawing at your throat, pressing your lips together to keep it from escaping—but the tears came anyway, silent and relentless, spilling over as you carded your fingers through his hair.

Each stroke was a silent plea. I’m here. You’re safe. I’ve got you.

But the more you touched him—the more you felt the way his breath hitched under your palms, the way his shoulders trembled against you—the harder it became to hold yourself together.

His hand was still clinging to your clothes, fingers twisted into the fabric so tightly that you were sure the wrinkles in your shirt would never come out.

But as he continued speaking, something in the back of your mind stirred, and it hit you like a slap.

Spencer wasn’t sober yet.

The paramedics had warned you. They had told you that he wasn’t out of the woods yet. That the drugs still lingered in his system, and that within the next hour, he’d likely start feeling the withdrawals. His shaking wasn’t just from fear or trauma—it was the first signs of what was to come.

Spencer stopped talking.

His words trailed off before he got to the part where he’d killed Tobias Hankel.

He was so shaky in your arms now, and you could feel the tension in his muscles, like he was about to collapse, like his body couldn’t handle any more of this. You weren’t even entirely sure how you were managing to hold him up. Your own legs felt weak, your arms trembling from the strain, but you kept him steady, keeping him as close to you as you could.

You stayed the entire night. Not that you could sleep anyway.

He was still in your arms when you went to bed, his body trembling against you, and you were doing your best to stay calm. Your hand continued to gently brush through his hair, a small, consistent motion that, in some way, calmed both of you. You could feel the tension in his muscles, the way his body was fighting against the withdrawal.

The withdrawals were bad. Worse than you had imagined.

Spencer was trying so hard. You could see it in his face—tight with strain, eyes glazed with discomfort, tears streaking down his face, though he didn’t make a sound. His body was shaking uncontrollably now.

The tears that streaked down his cheeks broke something inside of you. But you didn’t let go. You wiped them away with your thumb, whispering soft reassurances even though you weren’t sure if he could hear you, even though you weren’t sure if they made a difference.

It was hard. Watching him go through this, knowing how much pain he was in. How much more he still had to face.

But you also knew that if he could fight through this, even just tonight, it would mean everything.

The night stretched on like that.

One moment he was burning up, his skin fever-hot beneath your palms. The next, he was shaking violently. You smoothed back his damp hair, murmuring nonsense comforts against his temple as he curled into you, his fingers digging into your waist.

"I'm here," you whispered for what felt like the hundredth time, pressing a kiss to his head. "You're doing so good, Spencer. So good."

Somewhere around 3 AM, he'd stopped fighting consciousness.

The moment his body finally gave out had been both heartbreaking and relieving - his muscles going slack all at once, his head lolling heavily against your shoulder. You'd adjusted carefully, shifting just enough to pull the blanket over his shaking limbs without disturbing him.

Now, with morning creeping through the blinds, you studied the way the light caught on the healing cut above his eyebrow, the bruises along his jawline turning from angry purple to dull yellow at the edges. Your thumb hovered over them, not touching, just tracing the air above the evidence of his suffering.

You watched the way his eyelashes fluttered with dreams you hoped weren't violent, the way his lips parted slightly with each exhale.

You shifted slightly, adjusting your position. His fingers, even in sleep, twitched against the fabric of your shirt, as if making sure you were still there.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, watching over him, listening to his breaths as morning slowly filled the room.

Eventually, you felt yourself start to drift, your exhaustion finally catching up to you.

But just before sleep could pull you under, Spencer stirred. His voice was barely audible, hoarse from everything his body had endured.

“…You’re still here?”

The words were so soft, so vulnerable, that they nearly shattered you.

You tightened your hold on him, pressing a lingering kiss to his temple.

“Always,” you whispered.

And with that, he sighed—a slow, tired sound yet filled with relief.

The road back to normal wasn’t easy—not by a long shot. If anything, there were more nights like that one than you could’ve prepared for.

Nights filled with restless sleep, quiet tears, and Spencer clinging to you like you were the only thing tethering him to reality. Healing didn’t come in a straight line.

But slowly—so slowly—it got better.

There were mornings when he smiled before he even opened his eyes. Afternoons when you caught him humming to himself while flipping through one of his worn-out paperbacks. Little things.

Beautiful, quiet victories.

And then, one day, without thinking, you found yourself teasing him again when he followed you from room to room like a lost puppy—hovering behind you as you made coffee, bumping into you in the hallway, trailing your every step just to stay close.

He blushed, like he always did, and mumbled something about spatial awareness. But when you laughed and tugged him close, he smiled for real—soft and shy, but full of something that hadn’t been there for a long time.

Hope.

[kroosluvr]

aftermath

ERMMM this takes place after long winter au third semester.... it could honestly vary but i think sometime btwn 5-10 yrs. sumire is abroad, akira moved back to tokyo after finishing hs/college, goro is. around

SORRY ITS 5am again so ill make this quick . again

QUICK DISCLAIMER this is kinda like a lot of me projecting LMFAOSDOGKJSDHFK@#)40 so like dont read into this tooooo much bc idk royaltrio cld be insnanely ooc here but. YEA.

started thinking abt akira constantly calling up goro and sumire even after 1) goro dies (so they think) and 2) sumire distances herself post-third sem. i elaborate on this on my shusumi fic........ sorry subtle shilling

^ tldr i think these 3 kinda drift apart after the snowglobe world crumbles, that false reality that ironically brought them so close together..... back in reality, things feel Different (but this is Our reality right? why does it feel so strange now?) and so. well its just not the same, no amtter what

the. the “the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there” tumblr post

even though they loved each other and knew it too, there was also some sort of looming feeling that it won't last - but it does, still. it exists, in some meaningful sense-

akira sees and thinks about sumire and goro in everything he does, his day to day life, worries about them, wants to tell them about all he's doing, wants to hear about what they're up to. so he does so by leaving voicemails (although in this case sumire changed her number LMFAO. he does it anyway)

in the same vein, sumire thinks about all the things she'd like to tell goro, but with no address to send it to, it's useless. but she writes them anyway - more and more as a solace to herself, conversing with the memory of goro in her head, making him live on in that sense. and with akira i think it's a little more subtle. here she's trying to find a coffee shop that measures up to lebalnc, and of course she doesn't. there's only one leblanc and only one akira. but yeah like in sumire's case she kinda goes these "roundabout" ways in her Missing Them. theres also the added thing of her wanting to be more independent (from goro and akira and kasumi and tokyo and etc etc etc. also elaborated on in said fic)

goro! i think there's smth so poignant about visiting your own grave (i wrote sumire doing htis in another fic. thats an aside) hair cut, mask on, no gloves, he's a different sort of goro akechi but not really in any meaningful sense either. he's just different. sumire leaves the scarf (i think w sumire, she learns from goro like. omg im blanking on the word. LIKE reliability..? thinking realistically? smth like that.) so shes subconsciously thinks oh ill get him something useful like a scarf to keep warm (and a lil more subtle on the love aspect). akira gets him a lovely bouquet, straightforward and honest w his love/adoration, never afraid to spell it out. smth abt goro needing to live a new life now but also he keeps looking back - but this time, there's love when he looks back. there's still love

a kind of "youll always have home with me" sentiment btwn these 3. even if we never return there, youll still have a place in my heart

like "i dont think ill ever have that kind of love again. but i had it once. and even if i couldnt keep it, its still important." THIS IS HARD TO EXPLAIN

anyway tldr theres just some sentiment w royaltrio w Wanting to move on but also holding onto your past, and learning how to reconcile with the horrible parts but also the tender and lovely parts. sometimes there's stuff you gotta leave behind and grow past, grow around, even if it's good. even if it's good, you still have to push forward. <- a lesson that i'm trying to teach myself currently so thats why this is very. projecting. LMFAODSJKHJKSDKW sorry im crnge goodnight

these notes are horrible dont read these.

[sqgeism]

Amphoreus men with reader who has insomnia? Maybe they have perpetual eye bags and can fall asleep literally anywhere but in bed

Hope you're doing well

𐙚 𓏵𓏵𓏵 𐙚 he'd stay and treat his lady | amphoreus men x gender neutral reader

💌     —      ; give everything to his new baby !  sleep is hard, or at least it has been on specifically your bed, as of recently. despite concerns raised by your boyfriend, he finds it a little funny. considering the fact that you've not only managed to fall asleep in the garden of your home, but some chimera's have somehow found you.

love mail — did i put 5 requests together.. yes... 5 birds with ONE STONE 🩷🩷 but they all had similar prompts so i just put 'em all together :3 sorry individual anons that you won't get the notif i answered !! i love u guys, thank you for requesting anonnies f(^ー^; ♡ please forgive my laziness i swear i'll lock in. ACTUALLY had to drink two mountain dews writing this bc i could not force myself to finish this within the day if i didnt

anaxa doesn't know what to do after he finds you asleep on top the coffee table, which is right in front of the very comfy couch you two bought.

he knows you and him are busy, the academy has been working the professors overtime recently and you teach multiple subjects to multiple classes, so it's no wonder you're practically restless. it's just.. he wishes you could sleep in bed again. when you do get the opportunity for shut eye, it'll always be somewhere stupid. his least favorite was on your desk, as being hunched over like that can have long lasting back pains as a consequence (trust him, he knows)

so when one night, expecting to see you on the counters or atop the fridge, anaxa's natural frown deepens at the realization you don't seem to be sleeping in any unconventional place. have you finally relearned the skill to sleep in bed again? nope.. not quite, since the sheets are flat and untouched.

where on amphoreus are you?

that's when his train of thought is interrupted by little chitters outside, *the garden?* animals aren't typically seen around your home, but he supposes that it isn't impossible. but that's also the one place he hasn't checked, and if he's a moment too late to you getting mauled by.. whatever's out there, anaxa doesn't feel like losing another eye in hopes to see a loved one. though something that makes such a cute noise can't be too harmful.

and as always, anaxa is almost never incorrect. because there you are, in all your genius, asleep in the middle of the freshly cut garden with.. chimera's around you?

the little things are slipping into your coat, or rubbing themselves against your sleeping body. they seemed to think you'd give them attention, but they were just helping you fall deeper into sleep. fluffy balls of sweetness acted like a warm blanket, and you stood no chance, even with your issues with sleep.

and here anaxa is, having to deal with your antics for the millionth time. but if it was an issue—he'd be complaining, and even if he does, you know he doesn't mean it. like this very moment; "you're so weird," the scholar grumbles under his breath, yet he's careful as he approaches, careful to not startle you or the chimeras. "—i can't believe i have to deal with you." while he takes off his coat and covers you, all while he slowly carries you into his lap on the grass, settling you down comfortably to lean against him. "and you're just.. the worst."

he says these things while you're now asleep on him, his arms securely around you and keeping you close to support your body. if you were awake, surely you'd be teasing him about how affectionate he's choosing to be at the moment. and it seems the chimera's have gotten comfy too, the colorful critters beginning to yawn as he runs his fingers through your hair.

he wants to think he hates you for distracting him from his greater goal, for softening him up. for making him afraid to lose again.

but he can't, not when you're here and you wear the ring that reminds him of his promise. his promise to love you for however long he has and for far longer past death. his prophecy is neverchanging, but so is his love. and his legacy after death will never be truly told if your name is not mentioned alongside his.

mydei gets it. honestly, he does. sleep doesn't come easy to any of them, but mydei knows you're not exactly a heir. you're mortal, and you need things that he doesn't quite understand but he tries to. when he began catching you still up long past 2am, whether your nose buried in a book or eating leftovers from dinner, it worries him. he tries to soothe you back to sleep, but nothing works. and he has to watch you walk out that door with clearly not enough energy to function.

and it's the same thing tonight, he's laying on the couch with a novel in hand as you walk over to him. the time? 12:48 am. mydei wants to hide his unpleased expression, but he's sure his eyes narrow and his brows furrow slightly, however they're quick to melt into a much more tender expression as you move between his legs to lay on his chest, huffing.

"i'm tired, mydei." your voice is weak, and you feel limp on top of him. it actually causes somewhat discomfort to the warrior for a moment, as the feeling of a body on top of him is not foreign.. unfortunately. "i wish i could sleep. i really.. really do."

your hands ball into fists out of frustration, a trembling breath escaping you. but large, careful hands go over yours. breaking down that fist as he intertwines his fingers between the gap of yours, a perfect fit, as your two hearts are. "i don't know how i can help, but if i can find something, i'll be sure to tell you as soon as possible."

his lips softly kiss your forehead. "but i'm here. every night, and day, just come to me when it's too much." then he kisses each of your eyelids, and to mydei's surprise.. they don't open after he moves away. and you've fallen asleep, after a week of restlessness, you're brought into a dream state from kisses.

the chrysos heir would laugh, but he chooses to let you rest, rubbing soothing circles to your back as he waits for day to come.

phainon.. oh.. phainon... he's been so worried about the whole thing. he's gotten you some sleep medication, which does work, but he wants you to be able to sleep without them again. especially since there are times where you purposefully don't take them, and he has to find out when he comes home at 11pm and you're still up.

although tonight, when you're the one that comes home late, he's quick to catch on to the clear fatigue that's caught up with you. "baby?"

"work was horrible." you grumble, slugging towards him seated at the dining table before making yourself comfortable on the nearest chair (him). "i missed you, and i'm tired."

you feel his laugh echo in his throat, hands on your thighs pull you closer, before they move to your waist and stay there, humming teasingly. "i'm sorry to hear that, honey. you need anything? there's some dinner if you're hungry. i'll heat it up for you." he offers, caressing your form as you shake your head. what a touchy chair.

"i just wanna be able to sleep normally again, phai." you yawn, but you know well enough that your body will still refuse to rest. you forgot to stop by a pharmacy before going home, and you've run out of your sleeping meds. "i know, and you will soon baby. don't make your pretty head hurt any more than it already is, alright?" he dips down to kiss you tenderly with great passion. hey, if you can't sleep, he'll at least try to make the moments you're awake enjoyable. his left hand cups your cheek in order to tilt your head, his own shifting the opposite way to deepen the exchange of love. "you're alright, honey." he murmurs against your lips, pressing one last peck before he smiles. "i know you'll bounce back, you always do."

© sqgeism or wtv (^_^;)

[valkyriexo]

When You Start Getting Distant Because You’re in a Relationship | Maknae Line

ᑉ³pairing; Friend! OT8 x Reader

ᑉ³genre; Headcannon, angst

ᑉ³warnings; none I think!

ᑉ³authors note; You guys seemed to like the hyung line! Here is the Maknae Version Hyung Line

╰┈➤ Han

Tries to act like nothing’s wrong, but it’s so obvious something is. He still jokes around, still sends you funny messages—but there’s hesitation now, a nervousness in his texts that wasn’t there before.

Overthinks everything. Did he say something weird? Is he being annoying? Are you ignoring him on purpose? His brain runs in circles, making up worst-case scenarios.

Writes songs about it. Instead of telling you how he feels, he pours it all into lyrics....verses full of confessions, frustration, and so much longing.

Tries to distract himself with food and games, but nothing feels the same. Even his favorite snacks taste bland when you’re not there to steal a bite. His high scores don’t feel like victories when you’re not there to celebrate.

Gets weirdly competitive with your S/O—even if they don’t know it. If they post a funny joke, he has to post something funnier. If they do something romantic, he mutters, “I could’ve done it better.”

Has a hard time Dealing with his emotions. Emotions and Han Jisung don’t mix well...so it explodes out of him all at once.

"You’re really just gonna leave me behind like this?"

The words come out sharper than he intended, but he can’t stop them. His usual playfulness is gone.

"I mean, seriously—what happened? One second, we’re fine, and the next, I barely exist to you."

He lets out a dry laugh, shaking his head. "You don’t text first anymore. You cancel plans. And every time I try to talk to you, it’s like you’re already halfway out the door."

You try to explain, but he just throws his hands up.

"I get it, okay? You have someone now. But did that mean I had to lose you completely?"

His voice is quieter now, but his eyes, usually so full of light, are clouded with something else.

"I was supposed to be that person."

His throat bobs as he swallows hard.

"You think I didn’t notice? The way I felt whenever you were around? The way I’d drop everything just to see you smile?" He laughs bitterly. "I knew it before I even admitted it to myself."

Then, finally, his voice barely above a whisper—

"But I guess I was too late, huh?"

And for once, Jisung has no joke to cover up the pain.

╰┈➤ Felix

Tries to be supportive, even when it hurts. He forces a smile, tells you he’s happy for you, and pretends like his heart isn’t sinking every time you mention your S/O.

Still checks up on you, even if you don’t check up on him. Sends you little “Did you eat?” or “Get home safe” texts, even when you stop replying as fast as you used to.

Bakes way too much. His kitchen turns into an emotional war zone....cookies, brownies, cakes, anything to keep himself busy. But no matter how many sweets he makes, nothing takes away the bitter feeling in his chest.

Tries to keep up his usual affection, but it feels… different. He hesitates before reaching for a hug, pulls away too quickly, laughs a little softer when you ruffle his hair.

Plays video games as an escape. But even when he wins, it doesn’t feel as satisfying when you’re not there to celebrate with him.

Finally breaks when he realizes you’re truly slipping away. He wanted to be patient, wanted to be the good friend, but that didnt go as planned.

"You don’t need me anymore, do you?"

Felix’s voice is quiet, almost trembling, but his eyes are locked onto yours...searching, begging for an answer he’s afraid to hear.

"I mean… I get it," he laughs weakly, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. "You have someone now. You’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted."

He pauses, swallows hard.

"But… was I ever that important to you?"

Your breath catches, and he takes a shaky step back, hands clenching at his sides.

"Because it doesn’t feel like it anymore." His voice wavers, his deep tone softer than ever. "I’m still here, you know? I still—" He stops himself, letting out a quiet sigh.

Then, almost too soft to hear—

"I still love you."

It’s out before he can take it back, and when he sees your eyes widen, he lets out a small, sad chuckle.

"I tried to ignore it. I told myself it was enough just to be near you. But then you started pulling away, and suddenly, I wasn’t even part of your life anymore."

His voice cracks, and he shakes his head, looking down.

"I should’ve told you sooner, shouldn’t I?"

When he looks back up, his usual warmth is dimmer.

"But it’s too late now, isn’t it?"

╰┈➤ Seungmin

Acts like he doesn’t care—but oh, he cares. His usual teasing gets a little sharper, his sarcasm a little more pointed. He pretends everything is normal, but his eyes tell a different story.

Stops reaching out first. If you want to talk to him, you can text him. (Except he still waits for your messages, still checks his phone way too often, still hopes.)

Gets quieter around you. Normally, he always has a witty remark, a playful jab...but now, there are more pauses, more silences that stretch a little too long.

Starts staying late at practice, distracting himself with work. If he can’t talk to you, he’ll at least be productive about it.

Refuses to admit he’s jealous, even when it’s painfully obvious. If someone points it out, he scoffs, “Jealous? Of what? Please.” (Meanwhile, his grip on his water bottle tightens.)

Finally breaks when he catches you actively avoiding him. He was fine with being second place.....until he realizes he’s not even in the running anymore.

"Are you serious?"

Seungmin’s voice is steady.....too steady. He stares at you, his expression unreadable, but there’s something burning behind his eyes.

"So this is how it is now?" He lets out a short, humorless laugh. "You don’t even bother pretending anymore, huh?"

You shift uncomfortably, and he shakes his head, jaw clenching.

"You didn’t even notice, did you?" His tone is sharp, but there’s something underneath it...something fragile, something aching.

"I stopped texting first. I stopped calling. I stopped everything just to see if you’d even care. And guess what?" He exhales sharply, looking away for a moment before meeting your gaze again.

"You didn’t."

The words hang in the air, heavier than either of you expected.

For a second, he looks like he wants to stop himself. Like he wants to shove the words back down. But then he sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"Do you even know how stupid I feel?" His voice drops lower, quieter. "Standing here, saying all this, when I already know how it ends?"

Then, almost as if the confession is being dragged out of him—

"I liked you, you know."

A bitter smile tugs at his lips.

"Maybe I still do."

His fingers curl into fists at his sides, but his voice stays painfully steady.

"But I’m not going to beg for your attention."

With one last glance...one that lingers just a second too long...he steps back.

"So if you’re going to keep pushing me away, then fine. I’ll stop trying."

╰┈➤ Jeongin

Tries to play it cool but completely fails. He acts like everything is fine, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes anymore.

Laughs less around you. Normally, he lights up when you’re near, but now, his laughter feels forced...like he’s just going through the motions.

Overthinks everything. Did he do something wrong? Did he annoy you? Or are you just done with him? His thoughts spiral, but he never asks, too scared of the answer.

Becomes awkwardly formal. Where he used to call you cute nicknames or casually tease you, now it’s just “Oh, hey,” and “Yeah, sure.” Like he’s putting up a wall between you.

Starts avoiding you, even though you’re the one pulling away. If you don’t need him, maybe it’s better if he keeps his distance too. But it hurts more than he thought it would.

He sees you with your S/O and realizes he’s not the person you run to anymore. He wasn’t going to say anything, but his heart doesn’t listen.

"Do you even miss me?"

The question slips out before Jeongin can stop it, and when you turn to look at him, his lips press together like he already regrets saying it.

"Because it really doesn’t feel like you do."

His voice is soft, but there’s a rawness to it....like he’s been holding this in for way too long.

"I get it," he says, forcing a smile. "You’re happy. You have someone now. But..." His voice trails off, and he lets out a small, bitter laugh. "I guess I just didn’t think I’d lose you completely."

You start to say something, but he shakes his head.

"I used to be the one you told everything to. The one who could make you laugh even on your worst days." He swallows hard, voice growing quieter. "Now, I’m just someone you used to be close with, huh?"

He looks away, hands shoved in his pockets like he’s trying to keep himself together.

"I really liked you, you know."

The confession is barely above a whisper, like he doesn’t even want to hear himself say it.

"But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore, does it?"

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[roseboysstuff]

tis' me again, the one and only anon who req the shiro fic 😎 anyways could u write another shiro x ftm reader making out passionately but shiro forgot to put protection bc hes sooooo into it.

Then timeskip to where reader gets preg and Shiro was SUPER DUPER guilty bc he didnt want to add more responsibility to reader bc yknow abt the galra and paladin war stuff... again, u can do this req anytime!! hava good day/night

(i should put a name for myself so i shall b named 🌹 anon!)

OOoooo me likey Shiro is so fun to write

Also I added a cut at the timeskip coz this got long hehe

CW // mentions of vomit, ftm pregnancy

You and Shiro spend many a nights like this. Liplocked, unable to let go of each other. He loved you, you loved him, and there was nothing anyone could do to tear you away from each other.

He loved touching you, everywhere. Your hips, your waist, your thighs. Everywhere that he could touch, he would touch. Mostly because he loved how you felt under his hands. Soft and yielding to his touch, and gods, the noises you made when he squeezed the sensitive parts of your body. How he could reach a hand up to cup the back of your neck, pulling you either further into him. Tangling his fingers gently in your hair to make sure you couldn't escape.

Not that you wanted to. It was your favourite thing. To just be sat on his lap while he made you feel so loved, so wanted, so his.

"Can I, baby boy? I want to... want to make love to you." he would ask, half-pleading, half-tender. And for you, saying no would be denying not only his desires, but yours. You wanted him so badly. So both of your pants were discarded, underwear thrown onto the floor as he lowered you to lie on your back on the couch. Seeing you under him, knowing you were all his, ready for him to make you feel so good. Yeah, it's too much for him.

He would line up his cock with your entrance, smirking at how wet you already were. He's a little smug, but he just loves knowing you want him just as badly as he wants you.

Neither of you remembered protection, but it didn't occur to your lust-addled brains to find a condom. He was focusing on how wet and tight you were, the exquisite clench of your boycunt on his cock, how easily he could just slide in and out, how beautifully you were taking him. And you, you were focusing on how he was stretching you out, the ridges and veins sliding against the walls of your cunt.

It was only when you felt his seed spilling into your deepest parts, that you remembered. But you didn't panic much. It was one time, and you weren't ovulating. No need to worry about getting pregnant... right?

Timeskip ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well now, 4 weeks later, you were bent over a toilet, vomiting your guts up, painful acid and bile forcing it's way up from your stomach.

After emptying your stomach, you assumed you'd caught a bug. But that made no sense, you'd been in space with Shiro and everyone else for months, and no one else had caught anything. Then your gaze fell on the pregnancy tests in the cupboard.

There's no way. Surely.

A few minutes, some peeing on a stick, and a panic attack later, you were sat on the toilet lid, staring at the positive pregnancy test. Part of you was happy, as you had always known that Shiro would be the father of your kids if you had any. But would he be happy with this? Only one way to find out.

Ever the carer, he noticed the tension in your muscles as soon as you walked into his room. But he froze as he looked at what you were showing him. A pregnancy test. Positive.

A baby. His baby. You were pregnant with his baby.

"Oh... baby boy... I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have remembered to wear a condom. You don't need this, you're busy and you're saving us all. You're so amazing, gosh... have I ruined your future?" His words came out all at once, and you had to hug him, to stop him from talking. Blaming him wasn't even on your mind.

"I'm not blaming you, Shiro. I thought you'd be mad at me. I'm more than happy to have and raise this baby... if you want that too?"

His smile was radiant after that, as he just scooped you up in his arms and kissed your face all over.

"Yes! Oh, my little prince, my handsome boy! We can raise this baby if you want, together. Our little family. I'm so glad, I've wanted a baby with you, so badly. I was willing to wait for as long as you needed, but to know you want this too... I'm overjoyed."

Hugs and kisses were given to each other that night, talking about baby names, how to tell the rest of your friends, the logistics of pregnancy and childbirth in space. But mostly, reassurances of love and care.

[jessxxxfwd]

S�xy T� Some��e ꒰✧꒱

***Introducing...! Lee Heeseung x F.reader ✿ he's literally so adorable I want him so bad ✿ sexy to someone by Clairo ✿ self-consciousness (?) warning ✿ m.list

💌- what do we think abt the new theme/layout? I made the gif #sosigma 💪 I think he kinda looks like the charm album cover here?.. Just me?.. Okay 😞

..............................................................................................

As you read your yearbook you saw the notes people had written you. "I didn't know you very well but you seemed nice" or "good luck" sure they were written with nice intent but it felt so empty, written for the sake of writing something. So you wouldn't feel bad. But it felt worse.

None of them had noticed you until you all were leaving. You had friends, very little but it was enough. But sometimes you felt inferior, your friends had other friends. You didnt. But there was one note on a page by itself. You couldn't remember who signed it and there wasn't a name...

It read "Hi, we haven't spoken much. I've been mainly embarrassed to, you wouldn't like me or I would humiliate myself. But I hope whatever you choose after school fills you with fulfillment and joy. I wish I could've had the courage to speak to you, maybe I couldn't made you feel that way. I mean you're smile is gorgeous, Just seeing you everyday makes me feel like I'm lucky. Every time. And you're so talented, when I have to read over your writing it's so perfect. Like you. Even if we don't speak. Even if you don't know me. But have fun after graduation, I hope I can speak to you one day if we meet again :)"

Huh? At first you were weirded out and confused. But as you read it.. It was sweeter than anyone else's notes and you didn't even know the person. Nicer and more heartfelt than your best friends note. You loved her to bits but she was busy with others so you didn't really have as many memories to put into ink.

But this person, this guy or girl.. They said you were pretty? They wanted to know you? Not by force but by choice..

Weird. God whoever wrote that was weird. and sweet and caring. But for the most part weird.

You tossed the book onto your mattress and put your head into your palms, you needed to find this mystery writer. Stupid idea really, but it was your last week and you wanted to find this person before you left school forever.

So the next day you started your plan. You were in your class.. They'd wrote about your writing... So they had to be in your english class surely? You sat and tried to pretend to pay attention, eyes scanning the room for potential culprits. Your desk was sat between two people. Some boy you didn't know the name of but he never even looked up from his desk so it surely wasn't him. Hell half the time he wasn't even there.

And the other person was Jake. Well.. That's what his friends called him. You weren't his friend so... Sim Jaeyun. He was a flirt. But he'd never shown any interest in you, hel he acted like you were invisible, the only time he looked at you was when he was talking to the mystery boy at your other side.

Was it him? I mean... He was gorgeous.. Very very handsome. If it was him.. Wow. So you'd ask him, you wrapped a page from your english jotter, you scrubbed down your question quick.

" hi, did you write the long message in my year book? " you crumbled the paper up and slipped it onto his desk. There. Now you wait till he notices, it didn't take long however, he picked it up and unfolded it, he scoffed and smirked "nope, try him sweetheart" he pointed at the other boy and turned back to his papers... That... Didn't go as expected.

You turned to the other boy, face practically hidden in a hoodie, he was so invested into whatever he was doing. You tapped his shoulder "excuse me.. Hi" you said and he looked up, you felt your throat dry. He... He had the prettiest brown eyes ever, as the artificial lights hit them they had a honeylike glisten to them. And you were lost in his doe eyes. You didn't even hear his response "um... Yes? Hello?" He said with a small smile "you like.. Zoned out."

You nodded immediately and flushed "um yeah, uh, did you sign like a really long paragraph into my yearbook? I know it's a random weird question but it mentioned something that I thought related to this class so... " you said, word vomit pouring out your mouth before you could stop your self, as he went to respond.. The bell went. Shit. He smiled "meet me at lunch? In... This classroom?" He said and walked away,

God this whole situation was weird. The letter. The prime suspect?? Hopefully it was him and he wasn't wasting your time. That would be embarrassing. Was it so bad you wanted to know the identity of a boy who found you pretty? You felt so special and you clung onto the feeling.

So there you were. Sandwich bag in hand outside the English room leaning against the door. He appeared out of nowhere from the corridor. Soft smile and a drink in his hand, he waved gently and stepped closer.

"Um.. Hi, let's talk inside yeah?" His voice was so soft and awkward. Cute.

"Yeah sure, what did you want to tell me? Was the note you?" You said as you both went into the class, he leaned against the teachers desk and nodded "yeah, god it's embarrassing, but I meant every word.. I mean.. I do think you're gorgeous, and smart and totally cool" he smiled.

"Cool? Me?" You smiled gently and laughed "but thank you. It was... So sweet"

"Of course.. Um.. Can we be friends? I'd love to get to know you, even if we're graduating this week.. We could text or.. " he rambled on and you took both his hands into yours "sure, I'd love to" he smiled in response and nodded.

"Oh. I'm. Heeseung by the way.. I probably should've said that before" he laughed, you smiled and said your name in response "you're names really pretty" you said to him.

He smiled and nodded "um.. You wanna sign my yearbook?... I just got mine today so I don't have that many" he pulled it out his back and held it out. You took it and wrote down a message.

"I think you're pretty too Heeseung, enjoy graduation !" And right under it was your phone number, written in swirly letters and hearts and x's around them.

He blushed like crazy "ah, thanks.. I'll see you later?" He said and nodded "sure. Bye Heeseung" you smiled and he left. You stayed for a bit before leaving yourself. He was so pretty, a gentleman really.. And he wanted to know you.

You were attractive to somebody. To him. And you were happy to see where it would go.

You heard your phone buzz and smiled at the message as you noticed you sent it.

"Hi! I was wondering if you wanna go for coffee tomorrow after class? :)"

You texted him back "ofc I'd love to ♡" so that was that. You had a date tomorrow. Maybe graduating wouldn't be so bad, wouldn't be so lonely.

©jessxxxfwd 2025

[gunnrblze]

Roommate!Hesh

Hello friends. This is my first actual lil piece of writing I’m posting (in this fandom, on this account lol). I’m debating turning it into a full fledged fic, so if you’re intrigued by that I’d love to know! Not to abase myself or anything, but my writing is quite mid lmfao, I just enjoy my silly thoughts n ideas so here you go :)

•1k+ words, SFW, could possibly be read as some slight stalker-ish behavior if you squint, but nothing actually dark like that! The man is just down bad :(

You weren’t exactly sold on living with a stranger yet. Especially not some army guy, but you had little choice.

Desperately needing a roommate after moving to Santa Monica, a friend mentioning a friend of theirs who has a brother. A brother who happens to be looking for a roommate too.

You trusted your friends judgement enough to pursue the recommendation. Figuring that living with a special forces soldier could either be pleasantly uneventful, or a dumpster fire, based on what you knew of the type.

But David, or Hesh as everyone reportedly calls him, was decent. Clean, respectful, kind when he toured you around the apartment. The near boyish charm that laced itself between his heavy presence may have caught your attention.

But a fling, especially with a new roommate, was not what you needed.

Your room was smaller than his, but having gotten to the apartment second to him, you understood first come first served. You just enjoyed the in-unit washer and dryer and stainless steel appliances, if you were being honest.

The apprehension you had, the hang ups of starting a new chapter, moving in with someone you only just met through a friend of a friend, started to dissipate sooner than anticipated. Instead filled in by a dull surprise.

Hesh worked pretty often, but even when he wasn’t around, it’s as if he were still there.

His section of chores always finished, some of yours even started or done completely for you. You asked him about it after divvying up the household responsibilities, making sure you weren’t confused.

But he insisted it was “no biggie”, he’d just found himself taking the trash out on his way to work. Tidying the kitchen up after he got home in the middle of the night and cooked himself an impossibly late dinner.

Said dinner he left in the fridge the next morning, a sticky note on top explaining that you should finish it up so it doesn’t go bad.

Leftovers usually kept for days though, didn’t they?

His boots by the front door, the smell of his aftershave somehow lingering everywhere throughout the apartment, his hat left in the bathroom and the goddamned coasters that he insisted be used around the living room.

When he wasn’t there, it felt like he was. A ghost permeating the walls. His broad frame, tall and wide, voice deep, green eyes that somehow always landed on you when he was near. They weren’t quite unsettling eyes, they were penetrating. As if he could see what lie inside you, too.

But when he was there, it felt almost arresting. Interrupting. You barely knew him, only lived with him for a few weeks.

But you weren’t sure whether you could tell if it even felt that way anymore.

Anything he bought, you were free to use or eat. Was he just that nice? Your old roommates wouldn’t let you touch their things with a 10 foot pole. But what was his seemed to be yours in a way, too.

You chalked it up to him being an eldest child. But you weren’t merely being treated like a younger sibling.

Your Netflix subscription ended and you didnt want to spend the money to renew it, but it didn’t matter because Hesh had Netflix too. Which meant you had it.

Hesh had every kind of household tool one could need in his toolbox, which meant that you had them now too.

Except you couldn’t use them. Because he’d fix whatever you needed. Hang up any picture frame of yours on your wall as you started to decorate your space. And you merely let him, somehow unable to insist that you could indeed, handle it.

It was only natural when he’d asked if you wanted breakfast one morning, explaining that he made too much food. Too much of your favorite food. Or when he not so subtly watched how you made your tea, filing it away in his brain so he could bring you a cup one day when you were sick in bed.

And then some cough drops. And soup. And cold medicine.

Maybe you felt a bit like a guest at a bed and breakfast, or maybe he was just raised decently.

When the washing machine broke, he took a look at it before you could even bring it up to him, was he listening to you in the laundry room? Hard to say. Fixed it so you could do your loads of laundry.

But not before letting you borrow a t-shirt of his, since all your clothes were dirty, of course. You’d obviously have to wash the one you had on, too.

You thought you were surely screwed when your car broke down outside of work one day. But when you texted Hesh and asked if he knew of a good mechanic. he was, naturally, already in the area just running errands.

So he took a look at your car while you stood to the side and watched. Making a point not to watch his biceps flex around the ring of his t-shirt sleeve, or the way he brushed the sweat off his forehead.

Surely you were paying attention to his explanation of the drive belt in your car being too wore out, and not the way his fatigues stretched over the meat of his thighs.

Why was he in his work uniform if he was just running errands? You didn’t think about it very much.

Your job had been stressing you so much, and it appeared something like second nature for him to wrap you into a hug, rubbing his hand up and down your back, murmuring things that seemed too dulcet for a roommate of hardly even a month to soothe you with. Even though it helped.

He was always there, his magnetism suffocating. But not in the way that two hands might feel around your neck. But in the way the sunshine feels beating down on you. The way you feel tipsy before feeling fully drunk, charged but blissful.

Pleasantly inescapable.

You didn’t really stop to fully question his comforts though, not when he made you a cup of tea and put a movie on in the living room, sitting a bit too close to you.

Not that you minded of course, considering you fell asleep with your head on his shoulder.

And what kind of roommate would he be if he didn’t pick you up and tote you off to your bedroom? He knew you were half awake, and you knew he knew, but it didn’t matter.

With one arm hooked under your knees and the other around your back, your face that didn’t need to be pressed to his chest, it just didn’t matter.

Because what kind of roommate would he be if he didn’t lay you in your bed and cover you up, setting your alarms on your phone so you’d wake up the following morning?

How did he know your passcode? How did he know exactly what alarms you set?

It didn’t really matter to you after he kissed your head goodnight.

[sykosixx]

july 9th 2005

(via pete wentz livejournal)

-typed out below the cut + my thoughts

i think the motto of my life could be "think negatively, when has thinking the worst ever lead to a disappointment?" late nights and even later kisses. i'm throwing writers blocks hoping to break down the wall between us just to get a word in, but inspiration has ran drier in my throat and bloodstream than the air we try to breathe in every day. in a room we decorated with "could haves" and "wanted to's", i'm with you and we're alone, but it feels like it's just me. maybe i'm just pretending you're here, it's how i get to sleep when i do get to sleep. sleep is a bad habit i'm dying to try. i don't like guessing once let alone second guessing myself. you're inches away and still out of reach. we're not even on the same page. i suddenly wish i could have been a brain surgeon just to figure out what was going on in your head. or a psychologist, just to get a glimpse.

when i can't see (through) you it drives me insane and i break at every light of your cigarette, i wanna know what you're thinking but bad news is old news. now i don't know what's thicker, the tension or my skull... but i've still memorized every possible sound you make while breathing out. i seriously can't breathe so i'll let you do it for me - a new meaning to 'you take my breath away', i don't know why it was given to me in the first place. our eyes meet and i remember and kick myself for forgetting at/it all. i'm making things up just to have more guests at my pityparty. pretending i'd be given a chance when boys like me lose them anyway. yet here i am. and there you are.

people try to figure me/you/us out, but we don't even have it down yet. they can spend hours writing up all my mistakes but the pen couldn't touch you. so you can calculate how this is all adding up and subtracting years off my life. i'm more worried about how it's dividing us apart. girls are harder to figure out than algebra - yet people still try to do it. the one thing i've found is i don't want to lose her. i'm tripping over words and falling in love. i told her i would have bought her the prettiest flowers but she'd make them look ugly in comparison. she laughed and probably figured i was just being cheap again, but i was being serious.

as far as anything else goes, i'll definitely update about it later, but this one is definitely for you. if you ever question my love i'll answer it, i love you.

xxoo

NOTE FROM AL: i think it's funny how often i see this entry overlooked. obviously it's not the iconic Fourth of July 2005 one (god even in your songs, could you be more obvious) (follow up, while looking back through PW old livejournal, i saw "i miss when people didnt know who i was posting abt in erly 2006),, ANYWAYS july 9th! 5 days after 04/07/2005, aka hes gotta still be talking about the same person ie; mikey fuckin way. "you're inches away and still out of reach." oh god the pining after this emotionally unavailable man. the "girl" stuff comes so late and looks too forced imo- anyways, you get the point, petekey 4 lyfe and better off as lover. NOT the other way around or whatever the summer of like insinuates.

idk dawgz, maybe ya boi needs 2 go 2 bed. feel free 2 refute me im too tired 4 this shit. oh yeah + i made a livejournal if any1 still uses that- it was just 2 sketch out emo losers cryptic + painfully obvioous messages but yahoo! mayb ill actually do smth w it.

[mi-co-uk]

coming clean

blue!reader x saviour!matt

─── blue readers past has caught up with her just in time to rescue her when she needs it the most - childhood best friend and saviour matt wants to help every step of the way.

CONTENT: blue reader tells matt she has to leave.

WARNINGS: mentions of a past @bus1ve. relationship, fluff and angst, guilt, crying, sad sad sad, matts super nice :c

AU MASTERLIST // NAV // PREVIOUS // ALL AUS

- this is dedicated to everyone who missed blue reader , I love her so much and I'm glad yall motivated me to bring her back c:

wc: 1.5k

CHAPTER 5 - "take your time"

its really hard to know when ive made a mistake.

Im so used to assuming everything ive done was wrong because ive never been treated otherwise. Its been hard to wrap my head around the changes since staying with matt. Not everything i do is a mistake, except this time, i think it was. 

I dont think hes mad. Hes not angry, i know angry. I think he wishes i was different. He wants me to be the girl from a few years ago that hung off his every word and could talk for myself - the girl that would talk to him. I cant anymore. Matt wants me to explain why i left, why i went back to him. I dont know how to explain that i barely understand it either. 

I needed the passport, but matt doesnt know that. He doesnt know that i have it at all. I didnt actually have to go back there, i couldve explained myself to matt and got a new one. He wouldve figured a way around it. I dont understand why i ignored the alternatives and i definitely cant explain everything im thinking and feeling to matt. Even though i know he would listen. He would try. 

I wake up more comfortably than im used to, wrapped up in gentle arms. Im layed on my side facing away from him, holding onto his arm thats around my waist. Matt tells me to wake him up when i do, we dont usually get up straight away but he knows i dont like the quiet. I like when he talks to me. I wake him up the same way each morning, intertwining my fingers with his. Matts breathing morphs into one long deep inhale as he pushes closer to me and hugs me closer. He keeps our hands locked together. 

Not long after i turn around, shifting his grip on me so i can look into his eyes. He smiles in response, muttering good morning greetings and pulling me to rest my head in the crook of his neck.

Its nothing like im used to. I would wake up alone, that haunted empty house, in that empty room. He'd leave me alone every morning. He'd leave me to clean up the ruined bed sheets, to clean up my own blood and soothe my own bruises. I used to be convinced i was dead, at least when i was alone. Maybe thats why i kind of liked when he would come home. He would actually look at me, that used to be enough. Enough to feel like i was alive. 

But even now i dont feel it. Its not matts fault. He really tries, he always talks, he makes sure i know hes there and that i know he sees me. I havnt told him directly but i think he understands anyway. I never usually have to hide my emotions because usually no ones there to see them. But matts always there, and he always helps. 

“you okay?” he whispers, i wrap my arms around the back of his neck to pull him closer in response.

He reciprocates the gesture in response until hes laying on top of me. Its weird to me that i dont hate the feeling. Sometimes i feel guilty for it, i feel guilty that i know i want even more. Its easier because he doesn't force anything. He doesn't need it. For matt, its not my sole purpose. Not like it used to be. 

“anything you wanna do today?” he mumbles, eyes shut from comfort. I tap his shoulder with my finger twice. 

we have a vague system for communication. Certain hand gestures to mean certain things, tap twice is no and tap once is yes. But theres also the whiteboard. It used to be too overwhelming, not only having to form my thoughts into complete sentences but having to write them down. It felt almost awkward to reveal them as if they were sacred. It doesnt feel stupid anymore, especially when i see how excited matt gets when i want to tell him something. I kind of dont want my voice back. 

“hungry?”

I tap twice.

“no?” he chuckles. “just wanna stay here?”

I tap once, giggling in sync with him.

Its been a few weeks since i went back. Im somewhat sure that he doesnt know where i am. I always worry that with matts youtube career that he will figure it out but matt has assured me that theres no way for that to happen. 

I havnt tried to tell matt what i went back for. He was curious but when i avoided the question he took the hint. I dont know what he assumed but my ideas worry me more so i try not to think about it. 

Eventually we worked ourselves out of bed, much to my refusal. He ended up having to carry me in his arms to the kitchen, setting me down gently on my feet without separating the embrace. I stubbornly held onto him as he shifted across the tile floor to get himself a drink. He finally got the things he wanted before picking me back up to walk us both to the couch. I positioned myself on his lap towards him, cradling his face and tracing my thumb over the stubble on his cheeks. He watches as i do it, analysing my features and smiling at his own thoughts.

As much as i love it all, i dont think i ever stop feeling guilty. I abandoned everyone i cared about for my ex. All my family and friends. I left my sisters who had always stuck by my side no matter the reckless decisions i made. Matt helps it all. But it shouldnt be easy, im supposed to have those difficult apologies yet im here, still not speaking. I know i could by now. But its easier not to. Staying here is easier. I dont deserve easy after how i treated people. I need to make amends. 

Matts smile fades as he watches my happy expression diminish. “hey, whats wrong?”

I slowly retract my hands from his face to point at myself. 

“you?”

I nod. 

I watch as his eyebrows furrow in confusion. He doesnt know what i mean but he doesnt want to ask. He doesnt like telling me that he doesnt understand what im trying to say. I climb off his lap to grab the whiteboard. From lack of confidence i dont place myself back where i was but beside him. Matt pulls me back onto him regardless, his thumb caressing my thigh as i stare blankly at the board. 

“Take your time.”

I slowly type it out. I know matt will let me but the change that will occur will be swift regardless. I want to take my time while i can. 

I look towards his expression, a continued lack of anger or any negative emotion. He gives a small smile in reassurance. I finally turn the board over.

He takes his time reading it, but i saw how his heart dropped to the bottom of his chest. The negative emotions setting in for the first time since i told him i went to my ex’s house. 

“You wanna see your sisters?” i nod. “Yeah, we can do that.” he small smile returns but its genuinity doesnt. He knows i dont only want to see them. 

I wipe away by first lines to write the rest of them down. 

‘ i want to go on my own ’

By the time i turn it over, he knew it was coming. Hes not angry. I think he just misses me already. 

I spend time writing out an explanation about the passport, telling matt why i need to go back for my sisters and why i want to do it alone. Matt takes one firm decision to decide at least the travelling wont be on my own. He also explained that hes able to contact my sisters but hadnt done it yet. He wanted me to be ready but didnt want to bring it up and pressure me into it. He also didnt want me to feel guilty. The fact i already do isnt his fault though. I was partially shocked he was able to contact them which matt read from my expression. 

“I wanted to uh- to know if they heard from you. So i check in on them two a lot.”

I started internally spiraling over how much i mustve hurt them all. What if my sisters dont want to see me?

“They miss you a lot. But they understand why you did it.” he pulls me closer for a hug, “they just want you to be okay.”

I cant help but let the tears start flowing. I dont want to upset anyone and i dont know how to explain myself. I havnt felt this deeply in so long. Im technically free but i dont feel it. I have to leave the only place ive felt truly safe to apologise. It feels almost ironic, i know more of how what happened to me was wrong. Yet i still feel like the villain. Ive always feared abandonment but im the one who doesnt stick around. Its all my fault. 

a/n this is such an old au and ik it'll most likely flop but those few that like this au really love it so I wrote it anywayssss I love these two so much c:

tags:

everything taglist: @pair-of-pantaloons @oopsiedaisydeer @corspebridedelrey @browniepop62 @izzylovesmatt @michele-sturns @courta13 @sturns-mermaid @emely9274 @baebadoobee4ever @fw-lee @afr8idofrats @stvrniolotrxpl3ts @chrxsprettygirl @franticroads @m4gz-png @clairomatt @allisonclairee @mattshorsenecklace @whor3ing @matts-girlfriend @obsessedwiththesturniolos @shadowthesim237 @chrisslut04 @jetaimevous @eeyoresturnz @dolliraez @sugarraez @pizzapocketpocketpizza @sturnsira @pink1man @bbgirlmatt @fadedstvrn @sturnslutz @ribbonlovergirl @msvalsius @mattsfavoriteteddybear @sturnberries + all matt only taglist : @pinkmattrr @apersononearth011 + angst and fluff only taglist : @xeneasworld @auttysturnz @kayskreativeideas @franticroads 🩹 : @apersononearth011

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Ooo, question just came to mind. How did the whole polycule come to be? I know you said they get together after everything and after N and Uzi are already dating, but how did they agree to the whole thing? Because I can imagine Uzi feeling quite conflicted about V's flirting and wanting to check in with N about the whole thing.

This was kinda a question I had for myself as well since I'm writing a fic with Nuziv in mind but I wanted to see how your version goes down, since the one I have planned has radically different timing.

to be fair you ask "how did they agree to the whole thing" when they hardly thought about anything at all 😭

V simply decided one day that if she was gonna be dealing with Uzi every day she might as well make it more enjoyable for herself too- the teasing and jabs became less and less coated in malice and they started to joke around more and even agree on things [never a good sign in Ns honest opinion 😭] and after a while it turned into playfights and joke flirting and then just flat out flirting.

this process didnt just happen with Uzi, it also went along with N. just a bit differently i guess, just like how i showed you in the previous snippet on N and V arguing lol. N started feeling jealous but not because of V STEALING Uzi or anything, V just silently challenges him to one up her all the time and they kinda got stuck in this loop of who could make Uzi more pleased.

after a while, im guessing maybe in a cuddle pile after N and Uzi forced V into, they all just kinda sorta thought like "wow, well shit. i really cant live without them..." and they unofficially decided they are all together. it didnt have a name for a long time until they were actually ready to be closer and admit they liked eachother romantically. but that was more of a thing to be said to set boundries and make it official. otherwise as far as flirting goes, they had been doing it subconciously for a long time lololololol-

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

This is a weird thought piece question so if you don’t wanna answer it’s okay. But genuinely as a character I think Katsuki is very aware of people he cares about. Almost in an Izuku type of obsessive way, maybe less intense and prone to writing it down, lol. But as I trust your perspective on him a lot I wanted to ask, do you think he’s the type of person as a friend or significant other or potential person, to be aware of insecurities?

Or to care genuinely? For example if you were insecure about your size. Do you think he would be aware of that and be silent? Or would he love the insecurity in spite of your feelings? Or does he not really think twice because he cares about you and doesn’t know you would even feel that way. It’s a weird dilemma I ran into wanting to write a piece for him and I realized I couldn’t figure it out. Hopefully I am explaining myself properly?

Thank you 😭

i understand what u mean lol dw and i think if u read some of my pieces my stance on this aspect of him is hard to grasp bc i dont often write more insecure readers. mostly bc i think its a little bit harder to write well as it requires more nuances but thats a diff can of worms jdhfkj

i think its important to understand less so what bakugou does and does not care about and moreso the way he process information - which is largely intuitive.

like i do understand what you are asking and because bakugou is bakugou - yes, i think he is probably aware of these things. he picks up on them often and usually uses them in some context when throwing insults or even in more light hearted interactions.

but a lot of bakugous informational processing is based on a pragmatic, systemic and reason based way of thinking. and a lot of what impedes that way of acting is his own emotional state. in the beginning of the series, he's a lot more insecure in himself and he projects that onto other people. it causes him to act in very irrational and ridiculous ways

however by the end of the series, katsuki s a fully processed and emotionally realized man. so he defaults to a more elevated, calm and secure version of himself that relies on what he's best at which is using his intuition to draw conclusions and implementing a reason based plan. before he was doing that just with logic.

but he has the emotional tuning to also do this in his relationships and he's taken a lot of time to learn to navigate them.

so i think in a partnership, it's unlikely that he does not know at all. i think he probably picks up on the insecurity in smaller ways but does not put a real name to it (i.e. i dont think he thinks of it consciously / actively) until something comes up which forces him too do it

and that something would be if its putting his partner in any kind of serious emotional distress or comes up frequently as a reason for their upset.

katsuki has this line he says very famously says to shouto "there's no way you could've noticed something that i didnt but lets hear it anyway." and he's being passive aggressive af lol but there is some merit to that.

he's a very keen person naturally and he spends a significant amount of time with you - so he definitely knows to an extent. maybe no actively, maybe not consciously - but just an intuitive understanding.

however, because he loves you - he will only intervene when he thinks its necessary to do so. and this isn't because he doesn't care about you, but because he specifically had to handle his own insecurity and he knows firsthand what you're experiencing in himself.

but katsuki loves you and also has a lot of faith in you. he will push if he thinks you need to be pushed, and he will assure if he thinks you need to be assured. he's a good partner in that way. but for the most part, he won't interfere because he trusts in you as a person to overcome things. insecurity is not something that can be mended by another person if it's within yourself, but it can be healed when it's reframed to you by someone who loves you.

and if you need that from katsuki he will undoutedly give it to you. but he trusts you to handle business basically. so not in a bad way, he treats your insecurities as simply being apartof you.

he doesn't have any feelings about the insecurity itself. he's not lying when he says that. but thats because he loves you more as an amalgalm of all the parts of you. his view of you is rounded out and he sees all of it as you. if he loves you, he loves you. there's nothing that needs to be changed as longs as its you. so he has no opinion on if you like or dislike something. you are you no matter who you are or what you look like.

bakugou is very explicitly not shallow. appearances in love are generally unimportant to him. he falls in love with people not looks even when people don't believe that because he's so pretty lmao

[choccy-milky]

Status update on the dark relic nsfw comic please ma'am 🙏 my family is dying

ITS DONE!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉...well, the DRAWING part is as of yesterday BAHAHA. now im just adding all the dialogue/speech bubbles/sfx, SO ITS DEFINITELY GONNA BE SOON!! DEFS BY THIS WEEKEND!! ive just been very nitpicky on the font which i cant decide on LMAO and im also nitpicky abt other final touches LOL. i didnt wanna show anymore cuz ive already shown so much but HERES THE FINAL SNEAK PEEK

and speaking of fonts, i normally use handwriting by jeremy paz!

oh man its so random, but i either use the name lumi or clora for everything whenever i play rpgs (baldurs gate 3, dragon age, you name it) and clora originated from rune factory 4 LOL. theres a character named 'clorica' and i really liked that name, it sounds so elegant and fantasy ish, so i eventually just shortened it to clora bahaha. now its my go-to. i like how simple it is but it also sounds unique and works in modern AND fantasy settings, imo

my first and ONLY playthrough was as clora! i originally did try to make myself at the start, but i have short brown hair and straight across bangs, and they didnt have a style that felt 'me', so i went with just making a ravenclaw that i liked, and then gave her my go-to name of clora HAHA. and yea, i built up her and sebs relationship in my head as i was playing, especially with all the running around the castle i did. i just liked to imagine her constantly out of breath and flushed and seb just watching like ....🧍girl chill...

AND SPEAKING OF MY DARK RELIC COMIC/SMUT, my biggest advice for writing smut id say is to have a reasoning behind it, i guess? i focus a lot on their headspace/WHY they're fucking at that moment when i write it LOL instead of just the movements/sex for the sake of sex. in your case, the sexual tension leading up to the first time gives you SO much to work with, since you can just be in his head with how much hes looking forward to it, how much hes savouring it, how he's also nervous but enjoying it and trusting the other person, etc. the thoughts are hotter than the actual deed a lot of the times (which is why when clora and seb did it for the first time it ended up being like, 15k words of just foreplay and build up from sebs perspective LMAOO) so yeah id just try to focus on their emotions and desires if you can! and a lot of the times with consent stuff it CAN feel forced, and you dont even really need your characters to talk about that stuff verbally, at least not too much. you can do it in body language, or just something as simple as 'ill stop if you want'. it doesnt have to be a long therapist-like conversation about consent, which CAN tend to sound a little awkward and unrealistic (esp in the heat of the moment), if thats the problem you're having. HOPE I COULD HELP

also i love this for you and for me. YES GO ON AND MAKE A BUNCH OF CLORA CLONES, I COMMAND IT👉👉👉

and last but not least the most important question. honestly i like plain sweets a lot with no icing/filling. im a slut for shortbread cookies and also just plain glazed donuts. and also custard/portugese/egg tarts, which i also forced clora to like in my fic HAHA. IF YOU HAVENT HAD THEM YOU HAVE TO, THEYRE SO GOOD😩😩💖💖