#for the psychological damage i'm about to inflict on you

[crabsnpersimmons]

thanks for the positive response to himbo Moon! he also wanted to say thanks:

some extras under the cut!

Edit: Image descriptions added!

no text version:

oh and in case you're curious about what his new body looks like, i managed to remember to take a picture of the sketch before inking! he basically has glamrock freddy's model design, except his legs and feet are more slender so he can be more light on his feet:

also... i did the math (meaning, i eyeballed a height chart with freddy's model and put the numbers in an ellipse calculator i found online)—freddy, and therefore moon here, has a bust size of 179.74 cm or 70.76 inches (almost 5'11" circumference).

writing muse: not thicc enough. the world record for the largest muscular chest is 74 inches!

...do with that information what you will

this is what i did with that information (with a cameo of @vacantfields's android moon! they've got a bit of rivalry/affair/kismesis between each other ♠️)

poor hairdresser himbo moon isn't as flexible as he used to be :')

[zimtlees]

i’m sooooo obsessed with your immoral orel he looks so miserable i need him so bad i mean WHAT 2)HJes who said that anyway if you have anymore head canons and drawings and literally anything to do with immoral orel plssss show 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

I hope this counts, lmao.

Sigh... right, you're totally right, it's PRETTY PATHETIC AND STUPID ( when I love a character I insult them), and he also feels like that, aaaall the time, partly because of his own actions too.

If he makes a mistake, he'd remember something bad Christina did in the past and throw it back at her. (Yeah, he's pretty vindictive, he's got a selective memory for what he wants.)

If Clay talks about not being a good dad (COUGH COUGH) Orel would say something like, "Yeah, but at least I didn't shoot my son in the leg." (Actually, HE inflicts psychological damage on his kids too, but he's still bothered by Clay talking about it, he's totally blind to it and thinks he’s better.)

Christina often justifies her actions with her past too, haha, what a pair.

It's funny 'cause I have a million things in my head that I can't get done, I'm studying at the same time, but I've managed to draw quite a bit anyway. Aaagh, I need to make a comic (ANGST)

[pikahlua]

Fourteen Days of MHA: Day 3

Light Fades to Rain

Okay, let's gush. Here are my feelings about the anime adaptation of chapters 360-362: season 7 episode 11. This will quickly devolve from eloquent discussion to raging madness I promise.

The opening five minutes are the weakest part of the episode. This is the only section I will lodge any complaints about, and honestly they're not that serious.

The sadomasochism got toned down :P

I kind of expected it, and honestly I get why. Even though it was scaled back, the scene was effective enough for most viewers because there's just something about seeing it animated that makes it feel visceral anyways. The detail was always going to be reduced in the art when adapted to animation, and a lot of that art could've looked really bad without the necessary detail.

But it wouldn't be on brand for me if I didn't mention that it bummed me out lol.

The only other thing I can complain about isn't even an issue with the episode, it's an error in the subtitles.

"...you're just goldfish poop next to All For One."

a) It should be "One For All," not "All For One."

b) I don't think they should have kept it as "goldfish poop." Sorry to any language purists out there, but the idiomatic meaning of this phrase in Japanese will not get picked up by an English-speaking audience--and that idiom is important. It has an impact on how Katsuki behaves going forward. I think the subtitles should have changed that to something like "a minnow in One For All's wake" or "a tag-along weakling," ANYTHING to get the point across that Tomura is trying to inflict psychological damage by telling Katsuki he'll never amount to anything on the level of One For All. That message informs the rest of the episode!

Now, if that's the only complaint I have about this whole episode--a slightly too-fast-paced-under-detailed opening scene and a bad subtitle--then I'm a happy camper. And indeed that is the only complaint I have.

This episode is a masterpiece of adaptation.

The focus on the Big Three is so good because it does such a good job of masking where the episode is going but it's perfectly in-theme because of the parallels the three of them have with Izuku and Katsuki. IT JUST WORKS MAN. I LOVE IT.

The music that plays when Katsuki mutters is an excellent choice, though I wish they could have done something to hammer the point home more that he was indeed muttering and analyzing like Izuku does. Maybe the little "mutter" text would've been dissonant in tone lol but still I wish there was a way they could've done it. I do think the point does come across in the end still, but it's just more impactful when you get to see the little "mutter" text come full circle. Yeah yeah, manga vs anime and all that.

I didn't expect the tone they went with for Jeanist's reaction to Katsuki's muttering, but it was just different not like bad or anything. I kinda liked the whole "what the fuuuuck" vibe of it. I was thinking more like "Holy shit, I'm a proud dad" tone but this works XD

Jeanist is such a dad.

HE SPARKLE. KATSUKI, HE SPARKLE. IT SO PRETTY. AT LAST.

The animators were SOOOO trying to hide the twist this episode from the anime-only viewers, they didn't even put Katsuki on the commercial bumpers, they didn't want to SPOIL THE SURPRISE. IT'S SO GOOD.

Lost it at Tenko's freak out (damn voice actor wow) and Mirio's "g-gomen." I need the dub of this scene so bad.

JEANIST MY FIRST LOVE, DAD-ING SO HARD ALL OVER THIS EPISODE LOOK AT HIM GO.

Nejire is adorable as hell and everyone in MHA is so easily read as autistic it's remarkable actually.

They really put the typography behind the plasma cannon they actually did that.

UNF THAT PIANO. THE PIANO GOES OFF ALL OVER THE PLACE THIS EPISODE, DAMN.

Also good job on making the plasma cannon blast look small and precise to contrast Katsuki's attack last episode, because Katsuki definitely has more firepower but Tamaki has the finesse to concentrate the attack for a sustained period.

BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS

Everything from BOOTS on is perfection I know you all already know that.

Jeanist's voice acting is underappreciated, I really loved him this episode.

The little special sound effect for his clusters now!!! IT MAKES ME SO EXCITED. I CAN'T WAIT TO SUPERIMPOSE IT OVER KATAMARI DAMACY NEXT SEASON

Present Mic with the La Brava's-Love-quirk soft narration omg [chef's kiss]

OKAMOTO. OKAMOTO OH MY GOD. YOU GIVING ME FEELINGS WITH YOUR VOICE CRACKS I CAN'T SLEEP

The slo-mo shots are so pretty ;_;

THEY GAVE US MORE KUDOU TOO AND IT WAS SO GOOD, THE CONNECTION WAS DRAWN SO WELL BETWEEN HIM AND KATSUKI I AM LOVING IT SO MUCH. IT ALSO HELPS THE ENGLISH-SPEAKING AUDIENCE UNDERSTAND THIS IS DEFINITELY THE AFO-DOMINANT PERSONALITY NOT TOMURA.

Even if this series ends without explaining it, I'm going to come up with my own explanation for that vestige world shit. That cannot just be symbolic afterlife bullcrap. IT MEANS SOMETHING.

He's just a boy ;_; He's just a baby boyyyyyy

GIVE HIM HIS AUTOGRAPH BY THE END OF THIS SERIES SO HELP ME--

he spin thru the air like a meme

It's time for Horikoshi's favorite character: Bakucorpse!

You wanted the blue sky gone, but at what cost?

YES I'M LOVING THE VIBE FROM THE THUNDER SOUND

Oh...oh it hurts a lot to see in color, oh he's so pale...ohhhh no

THAT ENDING SONG? NOW? HOW DARE.

That horrifying feeling of emptiness at the end :)

The joy of watching others cry over this 👀

Katsuki is the actual symbol of hope I don't care what anyone says. All hope of victory is lost with his death and the only chance of winning comes from reviving him with the literal power of hopes and prayers and wishes. He is Hope Incarnate. A very Sassy (Soft Precious) Hope Incarnate.

[lookingforhappy]

Hi! I just wanted to say I really like your blog and the ideas you have for TUA. I have a question if you don't mind? If you've read the comics (I just got to read You Look Like Death and....my head hurt alot after) is there anything you wished they had kept from the comics for the show or vice versa? Personally I wish they had kept Luther and Five being twins in the show. I get why they chose not to do so but come on.

Five doesn't get his dog and then he also doesn't get his biological brother? I love the Pub scene from season 2 and it would have fit really well for them to learn it (just my opinion)

Thank you and I hope you have a lovely day! :)

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my ideas!! I love asks lmao so no problem at all!

I have read the mainline comics and a few spin offs (the Diego & Vanya band AU one comes to mind??) but I'm a show main sadly. I like the comics as an informant to the show, so generally I prefer how the show depicted things.

I do want to briefly (edit: it was not brief... i am so sorry) talk about the Five DNA thing because that's one of the things I love in the show.

in the comics Five is genetically altered by the commission

this only works in the comics for me because every character is an asshole, Five especially (he literally prefaces this moment by bragging that he's fucked a lot of women). So for Five to have this excuse? to show horror at the very idea? that's a redeeming quality.

but in the show, they make every character likeable to an extent (recall that in the comics Allison rumours Luther into loving her), so this wouldn't have the same impact because it just makes Five less of his own person - removes the agency from his actions.

Five in the show is someone forced into a corner, and his actions in accepting and carrying out his job as an assassin, as well as his willingness to kill innocents and his own brother throughout s1 show how his experiences have made him desperate and ruthless in his pursuit of love and happiness.

it's a psychological exploration/study.

which to me, is infinitely more interesting. Five doesn't kill the board because his DNA dictates he will, he kills them because he chooses to. He is not cruel because his DNA dictates it, he is cruel because his experiences have made him that way.

and I think overall, this approach is adapted very nicely to fit the tone of the show, as all the same beats are hit. Five has been made into the Commission's killing machine against his will, and he is resentful of it,

but that doesn't mean he can undo the damage done, his psyche is forever attuned to this line of thinking no matter how much he hates it he doesn't know how to break the cycle of violence inflicted on him,

but because Five hasn't been genetically altered, he is fully responsible for his actions and he has to live with that.

the DNA altering in the show would feel like a cop out to me. and also the interesting aspect from the DNA altering is that he is essentially made into a psychopath (most famous serial killers are - Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahmer, etc.), which means removing his empathy.

because despite his dislike of the non-consenual genetic surgery, comics!five doesn't have empathy.

and show!Five is interesting because he has so much empathy, yet he remains a killer. he is never given the opportunity to use that for good.

without that empathy we wouldn't get scenes like this where he admits guilt,

and in all honesty, isn't it more interesting that the best and most prolific killer in the show possesses a large amount of empathy?

idk sorry I got sidetracked - I've seen a lot of people who say they prefer the DNA plot of the comics and I just feel like it's very contradictory to what a lot of people love about Five.

anyway, the only element of the DNA plotline that i'd want to see adapted further is the non-consenual surgery itself

largely because I love Five!whump and despite comics!Five claiming it was painless it's fairly obvious to see that it wasn't (and I love when this is expanded on in fics so much - no time, no time, dear brother o' mine is an amazing read because it deals with this)

but I also think it would do a good job at reinstating the commission as the villians they are rather than the weird, nebulous thing it currently sits as (Five would never entrust Herb or Dot to the Commission it's so ooc and it's canon??? Dot and Herb were both 100% in support of the commission's ethos, even if Herb was a bit shit at his job. Dot literally was in charge of the apocalypse and saw Five arrive & at no point thought that this was fucked actually).

plus, we already know they waited until Five was hopeless, alcoholic potentially passively suicidal, weak both physically and mentally, desperate. all likely to better control him.

what's to say they didn't also pick up him just in time to prevent his death? 45 years in a polluted wasteland can't be good on the body - and I don't about the general population, but most of the people I know in their 50s aren't fully grey. the stress was probably killing him all on its own.

they could have seen his death and gone back a few years/months/days to recruit him. but then that would mean they still have to fix whatever illness was killing him, and how do you do that? surgery.

perhaps that's how they recuit all of their agents. maybe that's how they get away with it not disturbing the timeline, take someone who was going to die anyway, and then force them into a debt of gratitude for saving their lives. idk.

I also think AJ was criminally underused. He's supposed to be the big bad of the commission, his character was originally adapted into the Handler but then they decided they wanted his design in the show or something.

I think his role in the comics is much more interesting, as a person who selected Five from a line up of assassins already in the commission and gave Five personal training, and assigned him to the JFK case,

I think he could have been adapted a lot better than he was, and like the surgery, he could have steered the commission back towards the villains they were always supposed to be - instead of The Handler (as amazing as Kate Walsh is to watch on screen I love her) we could have had AJ manipulating Five throughout s2.

as for Five & Luther, I don't mind them not being twins, because honestly their genetics are so different (Aidan is 20 something and he's probably going to stay at 5'5" while Tom is like 6'5", plus hair colour, skin tone, bone structure etc.) and we already know that they weren't planning on making them twins from the pilot script (Five is born a singleton to a polish teenager I believe).

I do think it would have been fun to repurpose this plotpoint for another pair. of the Umbrella's I actually think Five and Viktor pair quite well as they both have similar heights, hair colour, they both have that square jaw too. but I also think that this could have been an interesting way to give depth to the sparrows - Jayme and Alphonso could have been the twins.

Pennycrumb was... a let down? I don't think he should have been a big part of Five's character, but I also don't think he should have had 0 affect on it either.

otherwise??? honestly Hotel Oblivion was wayyy more interesting in the comics than in the show. I would have preferred something more in line with the comics but I think they were afraid of the classic horror elements and the classic superhero elements.

like the faceless bus boy guards

the hotel rooms, seemingly ordinary, being prison cells

the prisoners having enough freedom to move around the hotel and have relationships with each other but not enough to feel safe hanging around the hotel

i just.. i wish more of this had been incorporated into the show.

also.. art deco buildings.. my beloveds

this could have been the hotel Oblivion..

like ik they planned to go to japan to film s3 and that got fucked over by covid but like.. art deco is such a good aesthetic for a horror setting compared to the japanese style hotel we got (i've heard it called hotel orientalism as well so, theres that too).

if I had been in charge I would have had s3 focus on the mothers, develop their stories & why the umbrellas were given up for adoption & then linked this all to the 43 being the 16 instead. have the reveal be not that theyre dead but missing, non existant. because the children were taken by hargreeves to power Oblivion. if we somehow keep the kugelblitz then we use that as a distraction as to where and why all the sparrows keep going missing, and eventually the umbrella's numbers start to dwindle. until Oblivion is discovered and we find that every hotel room corresponds to a member of the 43 - maybe even have the brellies/sparrows numbers correspond to their door numbers somehow, or floor level.

idk I'm not a good writer but thats a bit of how i feel about the comics being adapted into the show..

sorry idk if i even answered your question? thank you again for the lovely ask!

[anakinskywalkerisfave]

Hello! I want to ask you something about Star Wars. What's your opinion on "love isn't attachment" interpretation of the Jedi Code that has been going around?

I think it’s a misrepresentation born out of an effort to make the Jedi Order seem perfect, instead of the noble but flawed institution that we see in both Disney canon and the Star Wars EU. It is a blatant disregard of both the general canonical and legends continuity that the Jedi Order did not allow love. Love is a type of attachment, at least in the Jedi's eyes, otherwise they would not be separating young children from their families.

And no, if the chosen one is doing just fine with his latent force powers, I don't think they're recuiting toddlers because they would otherwise "have no control" and be "a danger to others." Take that crap somewhere else, because I'm not buying it.

If they don’t care about loving people (ie your birth family), then why do we never see Jedi (aside from obvious exceptions like Anakin or Ki-Adi-Mundi) mention their family or keep in any form of touch with them? Why would they accept only very young children? Notably children whose memories of their time with their family would largely or wholly be lost due to childhood amnesia*, and therefore would not remember their attachment to their families and the love of their family. Regardless of whatever media tries to retcon the no love thing as love being acceptable and that attachment was a different thing, the most important canon (the movies) does not support this at all.

(*Childhood amnesia refers to the inability of most adults to recall memories from before the age of 3-4 years. It also refers to the fragmentation of memories from early childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is paraphrased from the Wikipedia article on the subject.)

Also, if love (platonic or romantic) actually is allowed, then why would this official movie poster for Attack of the Clones exist? (Someone on youtube literally tried to argue with me that despite it being an official poster, it “didn’t mean anything." 🤨 By that logic, a movie advertised as R-rated can be assumed to be appropriate for children. Jedi apologists are truly dedicated to spiting their English teachers and anyone who tried to teach them about critical thinking or analysis.)

Bonus Round: Star Wars EU Edition

(read the paragraph on the right, starting at "Love is also a strong passion," and I also suggest reading the character's annotations on the side.)

They literally explain love is forbidden. While they say "those who obsess," in practice, it applies to any love, not just obsessive. (Also, it is a parent's job to prioritize the needs of their child. It's not "obsession" to put the child first, that's what you're supposed to do.) They are literally being told that wanting to contact their birth families is a cause of concern and that any attachment will cause you to "lose sight of your path" and are a cause for expulsion from the Order.

Once again, they are not allowed to connect with their birth families. The HoloNet calls it monstrous because it is. Separating a child from their parents is incredibly damaging, especially in early childhood*, (the age of recruitment into the Jedi Order) which is obvious, but this is the same fandom where I see people try (and fail) to justify child soldiers and using a slave army.

Sources about the detrimental effects of separating children from their parents:

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/psychological-damage-inflicted-by-parent-child-separation-is-deep-long-lasting/

https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2018/06/psychological-impact-early-life-stress-parental-separation

This excert is from a section called "Misperceptions of the Jedi" from The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force.

"This charge springs from the pain of emotional attachment. It's also technically false." If I had my child taken from me and had no way to get them back, I don't give a shit if you have legal authority. You are effectively a kidnapper. The child isn't being removed from their parent's care because of abuse or any other legitimate reason. It's because they want to indoctrinate them and it's far easier when they don't remember anything before being taken to the temple. So they don't have a pesky attachment or concern for their mom left in slavery, for example!

Anyway, Luke's Jedi Order from the EU >>>>>> the old Jedi Order

[xenosagaepisodeone]

back in the 2000s when people would enact pseuicide (exactly what it sounds like), it was largely as a form of ego-defense. while it was sometimes elicited as a response to actual harassment, the lower stakes nature of interaction on the old net made it as common a play in disagreements as telling someone to kill themselves. a lot of the time, the user in question was unwilling to concede their position in some particular discourse or their status/power in a particular community, but was also left dissonant by the fact that they had no unilateral control over how others saw them, or how others felt. a pseuicide would in this case allow the user to retract an internet persona that had been turned into a pathway way for the ego to be damaged by others while also preserving as much of it's integrity as possible by allowing the purported death to frame them as forever the victim of their interaction with their opps (with of course the intentional added effect of inflicting psychological anguish on them by making them believe they contributed to a suicide). the user would then rebrand under a different account and then rebuild their posting empire, completing the cycle of the pseuicide.

there's a reason why the term 'psueicide' has fallen out of vogue beyond the fact that it is a cruel way to regard the potential suicide of someone online. the deanonymization and userbase-fostered hypersurveillance of the modern net has done away with the low-stakes interactions of aughts forums that made it easy to just say "I'm going to kill myself" to a bunch of formless usernames; on top of just making it very difficult to disappear in general. how many people have you seen abandon their social media handles due to drama, harassment or stress, only to be found under a new persona a week later? you can scrub the internet of as much of your posting presence as you want, but you're going to have a harder time preventing friends, family and even strangers who happen upon you conceal details of your present status just by virtue of how normal it is to involve so much of how you spend real life in what you post online. the modern spectacle of posting makes most user's actions a new development in the narrative arc of their social media presence, and a suicide attempt (real or otherwise) will be milked for entertainment in accordance with such before it is examined for sympathy or used as a means of self-relfection.

you may think this post is about james somerton now that the news has come out that he is thankfully fine, but it's actually not! admittedly though, his attempted rebranding got me thinking about a few things, ultimately leading up to the thought "ah, you really can't say that you will kill yourself online like you used to.". where do you go when nuking everything and starting over is barely an option? well, outside I guess. perhaps to the woods.

[baby-tini]

every time i come across your ffs w dazai and gun play my mind cant stop thinking about fyodor and gun play.. (totally not bcz hes my fav character totally not biased)

Oh he would SO be into gun play.

simply because he needs you to worship his cock until he gives it to you(obv). This man wants to be worshipped and feel like he has the power all over you.. making you beg like a slut for his dick while he fucks your cunt with his gun, making you whine is only music to his ears ..

I also think Fedya would make you fuck yourself maybe even ride his gun alone as he watches just to humiliate youㅡ maybe he would jerk off as you would fuck yourself to make you even more desperate as you watch his cock imagining his gun is his dick.

+ it wouldn't be easy to earn what you desperately want and need but once and IF he gives it to you he'd deffo fuck you as he make you suck on his gun to clean it.. after all its his gun and you're the one who made a mess right? ;3

TW- Gun-play, Psychological Abuse

I've never thought about Fyodor and gun-play before 🤔 but I'm feeling it the more I think about it. Also, reading this made me think about that time Fyodor shot Katai... so he's used a gun before..

Fyodor loves being worshipped, he sees himself as a god, he needs everyone in his life too worship him, especially his partner, and sometimes he uses fear too gain submission from his subordinates, or you in this case. He's not above taking a gun out and cocking it when you got a little too mouthy with him that day. Maybe you just need a little.. push in the right direction of submission. He doesn't feel bad when you start crying as he has that gun pointed at your head as you sit at his feet crying, blubbering about how you're so honored he lets you touch him; muchless suck on his cock. He doesn't have too and you know that, and he wants too know that you know that you're so incredibly lucky too look him in the eye and thank him.

I do like the idea of him making you fuck yourself with the gun, because it just seems like something that he'd do. But, it wouldn't be Fyodor if there wasn't some type of psychological torture involved, while you're fucking yourself with the gun, he'll taunt you, telling you not too let your greedy little fingers press too close to the trigger cause it might be a loaded gun, now, of course it's not loaded, he doesn't want that type of irreversible damage inflicted on his favorite little toy, but you don't know that, you tense up at the mention of there being the protentional of you fucking yourself with a, possibly, loaded gun. With the way your hands freeze up and slow gives your fear away, but he doesn't care, he'll give your thigh a little kick too grab your attention as he strokes his cock, he doesn't care that you're scared, you certainly weren't scared when you were mouthing off earlier, were you? He thought so. With the way your soft little eyes gaze up at his cock with a need as you push the gun in and out of your cunt, the sharp edges and ridges providing little to no pleasure makes him feel a little sympathy, but then again, it's your fault you're

With Fedya, a simple apology and a false promise too behave does little too make him feel bad or give you what you want, if he doesn't feel like you deserve it, you're not gonna get it, it's as simple as that really. When he does give it to you though, he does make it worth it, because Fyodor is not a man that rewards bad behavior, no, not at all. So, when he does give you what you want, you better be eternally grateful to him; your god. But yes, of course, there's always gonna be some type of humiliation when it comes to this man. You dirtied his gun, so, you're gonna take it down your throat and clean it for him and he better not hear a single gag leave those disrespectful lips of yours or the consequences will be worse then they already are, and with a man like Fyodor, that's a very real possibility.

[sapphireclawe]

So this is a fully random question, with a fair amount of context.

You see, I wanted to try making a video game, and I have some uh.... high ambitions. Each game is set in the capital of a nation called Ashfell, Sparkway City. All are set as different stories within the city, some centering around the Starlight Square (a small town built within the city that's all centering around a single franchised entity: for any world building fans, I'm adding this here, it interacts with the rest of the city quite well since they funnel that money back into the local economy via local sourcing. Plus it's an experiment to build more jobs by zoning a large city into microtowns with free housing and ease of getting jobs in the location), some centering around the concept of life and death, and more. I have 4 games I want to make, each one having different mechanics and styles.

Most of the games will have queer elements as well. Also populated by humans and furries.

Game 1: Nexus (title in progress)

This game is a 3D open world game, set around depression as a whole. It would have survival and psychological horror elements in it, especially after dying in the game a few times. Most early deaths would be self inflicted.

Things to note: there may be more than one game mode involved. Inspired by some free roam horror games (can't think of any)

Game 2: Dream Guardian

This game is a Metroidvania, inspired by Hollow Knight in some design choices. Weapons, spells, and traversing abilities unlockable of course. Follow the main character as she goes on quests to defeat evil throughout Sparkway City!

Things to note: an optional mechanic may be added that may cause psychological damage to the player. The mechanic will be OFF by default, and the player will have to go through 3 layers of "are you sure" before turning it on.

Game 3: Rhythm game (title in progress)

Starring the audition attempts of Trixie and the Tricks (a fully queer band trio) across Sparkway City as they try to get a permanent gig to perform with, this game is based on Guitar Hero and Rhythm Heaven Fever, lol.

Things to note: either I'll have to compose the music myself or someone may have to help here...

Game 4: Carved (title in progress)

A survival horror game that starts off nice enough, but quickly goes south as you have to escape the area you spent your whole life in. Inspired in design by Into the Pit. Yes I watched a playthrough, hush. The style fits what I'd be going with.

I'm working on the game design document for the four as it is, don't worry about it

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

The Process of Flawed Creation

or, making a character that's an allegory for disability

Hello my audience of small readers and big-time writers, this is the Secretary making another character that will appear within the story. This time, it's an Augment! If you haven't noticed one of the themes of Drink Your Villain Juice, it's that the superpowered characters (Flares, Genomes, Augments) can all be loosely tied to the struggle of disability (psychological, developmental, and physical respectively). Key word: loosely. But again, death of the author or whatever. I'm a communist so I support it - but I digress!

Let's make an Augment!

The background:

I need to make a character for a specific group with access to the biotechnology used to make superpowered individuals. Well, not Coven. They don't really count. Another group! They will appear in an upcoming chapter, and while they won't have any fun little things going on, we like to shape our one-off villains that may appear later with actual intent. If they appear again, we can showcase how it all ties together. If not, it just means they're swag.

Anyways, it's an Augment! Why? The group has money and access to disabled and maimed people, and they have little morals to inflict mutilations onto a group of desperate people.

Does that remind you of anything?

The base concept:

Since Augments can easily be tied to (physical) disability themes, and since we had a response on the form that made me think about it, it gave me a couple of ideas.

I was thinking maybe a blue-collar worker with a workplace injury. Maybe an electrician who got shocked because of the lack of workplace safety, or maybe a garbage trucker (term?) who found themselves trapped in the gear of a machine. For a little bit, I thought about it, and the electrician might be more interesting, and tie to an idea I had for a while. So there's a couple of things I want to have in this character:

Physical trauma turning external: I think the character needs to have some sort of physical trauma that they can use on others. The concept of electricity, receiving nerve damage, and having an augmentation that lets you do something similar seems to land on the correct line of thinking. The concept of reenacting their own trauma to avoid suffering from their own is also a swaggy theme!

Low-income wage worker: Even with the augments and with who they are working for, they aren't making that much money. They might have a uniform they have to wear, but they aren't in any sort of way part of the management class - which are not augments themselves.

Trading a disability for another one: If you are disabled, you probably know what I mean by this. Many disabled people, myself included, need to make this sort of trade. Do I take this medication that will give extreme fatigue to avoid these symptoms? In this case, it would be losing their nerve damage at the cost of having it entirely replaced with biomechanical wires within their own body, meaning they need to constantly upkeep it and if they ran out of money or contacts, they will not be able to continue to live.

With these three things in mind, I got a concept for an appearance, and a couple of things I could tie all together into a pretty character that might make someone interested in knowing more about them.

The physical manifestation of his psyche, and what it means to be him:

The Augment appears to be someone who used to be fit, but now struggles with standing upright without help of a cane. They walk in such of a way that is sturdy but also clearly controlled to avoid losing face in front of others. Their body has scars but also slits that are confused as scars for the untrained audience. They are around specific articulations: wrists, elbows, neck, and mostly likely underneath his suit that desperately needs to be dry cleaned. His face is covered with a domino mask with wiring dripping down on his chin and with more wires disappearing into his hair. Someone with a keen eye would realize that they are coming out of his neck where his head meets - but that probably means you got too close to him.

His shoes are the biggest tell that he isn't the richest. They are crusty and broken, with holes visible. The uniform was given to him - but everything else he had to supplies. With a closer look, his gloves are also run down by the way the leather seems to have been cracked over and over again from usage.

Tying it all together with a knot:

I don't think he has a Mask name. He might just be called something like Mr. White, which I guess in a way is a Mask name. But he is less a supervillain or a superhero, and more a henchman who is indebted through his power. Mr. White used to be an electrician, and through a workplace accident, burnt his nerves into numbness and lost of mobility. Someone somewhere with the knowledge that Mr. White didn't have any real healthcare, provided him with a solution: work for us and we fix your body. How can someone refuse that? He has children, a spouse, maybe even a mortgage (don't be silly, blue-collar workers don't get those! but imagine!) With his body twisted with his acquired disability, what other options does he have?

Damaged nerves are scooped out and replaced with a biomechanical system of wires, built on top of the healthy remaining nerves. In a roundabout way, this creates a trap: even if he were to stop working for them, who would upkeep his body? The wires might be rejected, leaving him in a worse state than before, and now who would really do anything to help his situation.

His Augments gave him mobility and sensations again, and while it's not perfect, Mr. White gained back a sense of normalcy. Though his Augments gave him a series of tricks: he can expel his nervous system to fry technology, give a nasty electroshock, or even move himself around in a pinch. It comes at the cost that every time he does so, he needs more upkeep, and every time he needs more upkeep, he starts to realize how deeply entrenched he is in this organization. He has lost some of his friends here, someone with a heart that could enlarge and give them more stamina (until it bursted and they bled out) and another that is now permanently bedbound with all of her limbs ran down until they were nubs with nobody really interested in fixing them.

At this point, the best he can do is make sure his loved ones are prepared to take care of him - or move on once it's too late.

His place as a henchman:

Obviously, he plays carefully. He has seen people like him be reckless or unlucky, and die from overusing their Augments. He doesn't want to be like that, but he has an organization that wants him to make these mistakes to trap him further into their maw. He plays carefully, makes himself useful in ways that don't use his Augments, and saves up money, and plans.

He doesn't need to be the best if someone else is, and if someone else is, who cares if he doesn't his nervous system to fry someone's eyes out.

Him being careful comes at a cost, though. People are noticing it. He needs to be a bit more reckless, a bit more proactive. He figures that if he uses his powers at least once per encounter or once, he loses some of that heat from his supervisors. And then, he chooses that if he throws someone else under the bus... then nobody bothers to look at him.

If someone on the field is saying that someone else is not doing their job, they are way more useful than a dead or useless body.

Final notes:

Class traitor much?

[mio-nika]

Disgusting (comic) AU. Over-arching plot, characters profiles and relationship dynamic breakdown.

Plot:

Mostly based on a modmad "What if Ace Attorney Investigations: Simon Blackquill".

Post Dual Destinies, Phantom spends some time in prison (like a month). And now let's get him out (temporary), so he can sell his employers with comfort. And also pair him with Simon, because they don't hate each other enough. Phantom get's his Bobby mask because artistic continuity, if I change his face we are bordering on Original Character territory.

I'm not smart enough to write actual spy plot, so they are existing in some limbo doing something spy-like. I'm mostly here to inflict the massive amounts of psychological and emotional damage on characters and fans.

Main Protags:

Phantom - after his meltdown in court, getting shot and the conviction his brain got chopped in much finer mush. With his blood, fingerprints and face being recorded he has no way of going back to his classic "run and hide" bullshit. Doesn't like to be out and about. Prefers to be locked up in jail, since he gets solitary and full protection.

Simon - is suffering. Understands the assignment of being paired with the guy who actually knows how to run underground spy business. But still does not like it. AT ALL.

Athena - since I'm not a fan of women centric whump (it's very rarely good and I can count the good examples of it on one hand). I'm using her as a plot device and brain can opener. She's not involved in operation, bc Simon cares about her to much. But sometimes spends time with Phantom as a psychotherapist.

Relationship chemistry:

Everything is very bad. I mean. Except psycho duo, but they are kinda. A well oiled machine.

• Simon <- -> Athena - they are something that I call platonic soulmates. Two people who's lifes are so deeply intertwined, that they can never be apart. They are friends. They are siblings. They are uncle and niece. They would be together from this point to the eternity.

• Athena -> Phantom - she feels disdain towards him, but also pity. I mean:

I truly think that the therapist in her. And the saviour complex would destroy her "he killed my mom". So she kinda goes as "I would help you, but only if you yourself would try to change. Bitch you live like this".

• Phantom -> Athena - fear. I mean. She can read his mind. She can feel that he feels. She is the reason why his life was destroyed. And I'm not only talking about last trial. She made original reading from his bomb threat.

Her abilities to read his mind is probably horrifying to him, since his entire persona based on hiding. But I also think, that he would gravitate to her. She thinks he can change. She's also mentally not normal. She's a therapist. There's a lot of reasons why he can be scared, but also longing for understanding.

• Simon -> Phantom - disgust, babeey! There's probably a lot more, but this bitch does not talk to me. So I'm just observing him from the side.

• Phantom -> Simon - we went so far from good doggie woof woof, that we came back to it.

I'm calling it "fucked up backward loyalty". It's half "I has no reason to make him even more mad, we are trying to work here". And "please please please give me any type of attention". It's the same way as with Athena. Before every human interaction Phantom had for *we don't know how much* time was filtering through his role. Basically "it's my funny friend Bobby", not "it's my funny friend Phantom". So I think he got kinda. Lonely. Not even lonely, more like deep social dissociation. Simon hates him, but he hates HIM, SPECIFICALLY, not Bobby. And the hate is extremely powerful emotion it's almost like love.

Anyway. Local spy got his brain hard rebooted. And mistakenly imprinted on two people who hate him. WHAT CAN GO WRONG

[citizensofdetroitpov]

Y'all know how the djd tracks down and kills Decepticon traitors from a list given to them by Megatron? Well I just saw a post from a Decepticon defector saying:

'Tarn, I know I'm on your list now because of my defection to the Autobots. But, for when you come for my aft, because with the way how things are going it looks like the war might start back so you're allowed to hunt again, please do not give me an impromptu literature lesson as I am talked to death by your voice™, as one last favor as one of friends from before the war back when we attended the academy together and for a little while after when we had unofficially joined the police force. I do not need to be having flashbacks to the suffering we endured in the actual literature class. "

Perfect grammar and everything and homeboy Tarn replies with:

"Firestarter!?"

Like mans didn't even know she defected until she brought it up. Then he follows that up with:

"Just because you asked, when we do make our way down to you, even though I hate everything about my pre war self, I will paint myself in my old colours, find a way to change my optic colour back to blue, and even have my old servos on my person to inflict maximum psychological damage. I will even not transform at all during our future encounter. "

Then one of the man's teammates, the one with two empty pits where his eyes should be response to this tread with:

"Old hands!?" and "why would you not transform for a whole encounter? That seems impossible for you to do".

Then op responses to that with this fucking image:

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E6 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

If you want to start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character cheat sheet:

Yinghua - pink flowers LIW

Lady Lishu - child bride concubine

Lady Lihua - concubine Maomao saved from poisoned powder

Crystal Pavilion - Lady Lihua's Pavilion

Lihaku - officer giving out a lot of hairpins

It's the garden party and I'm so excited!

Cryptic openings are what this show does. And this one starts with palace gossip about someone who is apparently a picky eater. The gossips state:

It's not like it's going to kill her or anything.

What terrifying foreshadowing.

Now we are finally at the party. There is dancing and music. Everyone is freezing. That probably includes the infant princess who is also at this party.

Oh that's the dowager empress holding the baby! This is the first we are seeing her. And yeah... she's got to be Jinshi's mom. It's like the artists were told to design a female Jinshi.

Apparently the empress gave birth to the emperor at a nauseatingly young age because it freaks Maomao out even though we never hear the number.

Oh the empress actually has two children. You don't say. There is a younger brother, who is conspicuously missing from his place of honor on the stage. But according to gossip he has a weak constitution and has rarely been seen. Sure.

In my best guess, prince #2 has been away with the military which is why he hasn't been around. Upon his glorious return the emperor immediately assigned his handsome brother to the rear palace. It's only speculation at the moment, but I don't think I'm far off.

Someone mentioned earlier that this event seems designed to pit the concubines against one another. And yeah it is. I guess that sort of thing appeals to the emperor, because he has created drama between the ladies before when he went to Lady Gyokuyou to request that Maomao take care of Lady Lihua. Wow, it occurs to me that maybe he wanted to meet Maomao in person because he realized his younger brother was interested in her. That's probably not good.

Yinghua has managed to get involved in some kind of drama with Lady Lihua's ladies. Oh they're talking smack about Maomao! Lady Lihua has the absolute dumbest ladies in waiting. They literally cannot recognize Maomao because she changed her clothes and put on some eyeliner. That's lucky for them, because they wouldn't be saying any of this to Maomao's face since they are legit terrified of her.

Maomao must have inflicted some lasting psychological damage on those ladies because they run the moment they recognize her. I do love that Maomao's friends are defending her though. She's not in this alone.

Yinghua: Don't listen to those bullies. I mean, just look at how adorable you are!

Maomao: Oh. I don't care.

I believe her. Maomao's self-esteem isn't on the outside. Instead she prides herself in her skills, and particularly on how she can use them to help others. Insults to her looks can't touch her. After all, she was trying to worsen her appearance to protect herself. Now, if she ever failed to help someone or if she made a misjudgment or mistake that hurt someone, that would probably crush Maomao.

I love her delulu pavilion friends. They view Maomao in the most sympathetic way and want to protect her. And they're all in on JinMao (probably have the ship half built).

Yuck. This girl was made a concubine at age 9. Maomao's appalled. So am I. This show doesn't pull any punches. And I do think this show has a lot to say about the oppression of women. I'll try to refrain and let someone more qualified analyze that. Please share if you've seen someone talking about this issue.

Lady Lishu makes it a point to rudely ignore Maomao while she's holding Lady Gyokuyou's baby. Maomao notes that she is wearing a color that clashes with Lady Gyokuyou and wonders if it's intentional. I'm sure it is. And here is someone for you to keep an eye on. She should not be underestimated just because she's only 15. She's actually been in the palace for 6 years, which I think is longer than Lady Gyokuyou.

Maomao sees the idiot ladies of the Crystal Pavilion shivering and despite their treatment of Maomao in the past, and earlier that day, she can't bear to see someone suffer. She offers them something to warm their hands and they flee in terror.

Oh Maomao observes someone exchanging a hairpin, Yinghua explains that it's some kind of recruitment thing and that there is a secret meaning, however Maomao doesn't care... But this is relevant! Considering she just received a hairpin herself that very morning! Yinghua also calls bullshit and says, hilariously:

Excuse me, I'm trying to gossip with you over here!

She's dying to tell Maomao the hidden meaning behind the hairpins, but we never find out what she would have said.

In any case, Maomao promptly accepts another hairpin from the first stranger she meets, a bouncy officer named Lihaku. Directly after she gets another one from Lady Lihua. This one is given with a compliment and a great deal of warmth. Maomao's going to look like a pin cushion before the day is done.

Also, where is Jinshi? These folks are making moves on your girl!

The next part of the garden party has commenced, with everyone waiting motionlessly in lines. Maomao has taken off all of her hairpins and looks around while she waits. She thinks Gaoshun looks good, like a soldier, and realizes he has a higher position then she realizes. She gets a polite acknowledgement from him when he notices her attention. She also spots the cute bouncy officer, Lihaku. She breaks the 4th wall to wonders where Jinshi is:

I don't see our ✨sparkly✨ eunuch anywhere, but, who cares.

Maomao is such a weirdo about poisons. She loves the stinging sensation.

Maomao is noticing a lot of things going on around her during this meal. Lady Lishu has a severe issue with food. This isn't someone being a picky eater. Maomao is brushing it off for now, but I assume she'll help this girl at some point. Some other lady is witnessing Lady Lishu suffer and she's giving a creepy smile. Maomao isn't happy to have seen it. But it will force her to figure out whatever mystery is playing out here.

And Maomao just ate something that made her blush and lick her lips, so it's either an aphrodisiac, or poison. I mean it could be any tasty food, the girl loves to eat, but it's probably poison. Yup, it's poison. She's so into it though...

Jinshi finally arrives (where was he?), just in time to... not attend the party and follow Maomao instead. To be fair he deduced instantly that she may have been poisoned. And then he knows she has been because she's smiling at him.

Meanwhile Maomao is fantasizing about being incompacitated by poison. And I don't know ethically where to fall on this one. I'm not one to kink shame but I don't support self harm either. Jinshi doesn't have that problem, he is very much not happy about it. He's dragging her to medical care. And this is exactly what I'm talking about when I say I'm glad Maomao has people in her life who care about her well-being because, for as good as she is at caring for others, she doesn't take care of herself.

She wants more of the poisonous soup and Jinshi has just about had it with her. Turns out some dumbass ate the rest of her soup and collapsed at the party. Anyway, Maomao offers a solution to treat him that involves more poison. Jinshi does not approve.

Maomao notices Jinshi's new hairpin and jumps to the best conclusion which is that he got it as a gift from his secret male lover. I'm not even going to offer a guess of my own because I hope Maomao is right.

The stress of this day has made Jinshi upset. He's not bothering to try and keep up any pretenses. Maomao is seeing him unmasked, and she prefers it.

Maomao receives some impressive drugs that make her purge. The moment she's done Jinshi asks her to immediately solve this case.

She asks to speak with Lady Lishu. She knows she has an allergy to fish. Her nasty food taster did not. Maomao lets her know that trying to give fish to Lady Lishu is the equivalent of trying to poison her. The issue now is that Lady Gyokuyou's fish meal was swapped with Lady Lishu's non-fish meal. Most likely by her own food taster, as a way to torment Lady Lishu by forcing her to eat fish. However, the dish that was intended for Lady Lishu, the one she never received, was the one that poisoned Maomao. So, now the question is, who tried to poison Lady Lishu?

Maomao terrifies that food taster and is confident that she won't allow Lady Lishu to eat fish again.

Maomao is left alone with Jinshi and Gaoshun. Jinshi promptly lays a hand on her shoulder and gets told:

Please, I'm of lowly birth. It's not right for you to touch me.

Jinshi doesn't like that.

Jinshi: You're the only one who has ever used that excuse.

Maomao: That's just because everyone else is being nice to you.

And Jinshi hates that.

And it may seem like they're playing around, and bantering as they both like to do, but in fact they are drawing up new boundaries. Things have recently taken a turn for them into something more serious. And this is the first time they've been able to talk.

First Maomao shared her story about being nearly assaulted, and then being kidnapped, which made Jinshi react in a powerful way, he gave her his hairpin which carries unknown meaning, then Maomao was poisoned, and Jinshi got pretty scared for her, and she caught a glimpse of the real Jinshi. All of this happened today!

And neither one of them has any idea where things stand between them. Jinshi pushes forward. A hand on her shoulder. Maomao pulls back. She removes his hand - no.

And she tells him something true that he needs to hear. We are not of the same class. There are rules to these things and you are breaking them. I'm not going to break them for you.

And then she tells him, something that hurts worse. People don't treat you authentically.

From the only person who does see him as a real person and not just as some lofty official he hears I see you but I won't get close to you. No one else will either.

Jinshi is trapped by the elevation of his station. People are unwilling or unable to interact with him in any real way. And he has a role to play that requires him to mask himself, and do things like manipulate servants, and flirt with concubines.

Maomao is right that the people around him are just being nice. And Jinshi hates it.

He wears different masks to achieve his goals in the harem but he's desperate to take them off and have someone see him. It's why he loved when Maomao glared at him. It's why he delights in her sarcasm and biting comments. And now she's pulling away from him.

Jinshi is completely alone.

And here is where Maomao and Jinshi serve narrative foils to one another. Because Maomao is authentic with everyone. She speaks her mind, behaves how she wants and people see her and adore her. She has real relationships all around her.

Maomao is loved.

It is worth noting, that even though Maomao is putting up a boundary between herself and Jinshi, she did not return his hairpin. She is drawing a line, but she isn't completely walking away.

Maomao, exhausted after everything:

What a day.

Indeed.

If you want to read these from the beginning:

Episode 1

Next episode:

Episode 7

[blazinghotfoggynights]

This is what happens when I'm bored

(This was inspired by the the fandom reactions I've seen the last week or so. The last day was the major inspiration.)

You find a beautiful hand-crafted bottle as you are going about your day. You pick it up, only for it to begin shaking and smoke to begin pouring out. Suddenly, a genie is standing before you.

I know the lore is you get three wishes, but for the sake of space and time, we'll focus on just one. So let's pretend you're in need of a Hot Girl Summer/Hot Boy Summer/Hot Non-Binary Summer. You decide you want to burn your first wish on spending a week so raunchy, that even AO3 will ban your story about it, with the hottest actor in the pairing Buddie 911. You can only pick one. Finish the sentence:

As always, the poll is open for a week. When it closes, I will give my answer.

Yes, I know many in the fandom want both, and based on Tumblr posts and AO3, probably at the same time. (No judgment here. I get it. I really, really get it.) But, where's the fun in not inflicting psychological damage and making everyone choose?

As usual, I will post my answer after the poll closes in a week.

Stay thirsty my friends.

Edit after poll closed: I'll start by saying 911 has some serious male fineness in the cast. Peter and Kenneth don't get enough love and I was a fan of Rockmond way back, so like I said, 911 is bringing the hotness.

While I tend to go for dark features, I love a really big guy. A thick chest and arms the size of tree trunks will make me drool every time. (I have my shallow moments.)

Personally, I think the way to go would be spending some time trying to find a loophole to abscond with both; however, I also get a feel for the...vibe a person gives off and Oliver's just hits different, I guess. The dorkiness is strong in that one.

My vote? Oliver Leon Jones

[cairoscene]

Headcanon C -> khoa ?

i think this is asking for the third one but i'm going to take the opportunity to do all the headcanons for khoa hehe

realistic: khoa does not know and does not care about bruce's kids. which ones are adopted, which ones aren't, which are honorary, what their vigilante names are, what they look like etc. he simply could not care less. sends bruce a dick pic after 4 months of not speaking only for bruce to be like bruce: ?????? bruce: I'm at a parent-teacher conference. khoa: what, are you a teacher now? bruce: I'm the parent??

not realistic but hilarious: khoa doesn't know any of the kids, except tim. i've talked about this before but khoa loves tim. he thinks he is such a little weirdo. i think tim has a certain "at any minor inconvenience i will become the supervillain to end all supervillains" energy that khoa deeply admires and wants to encourage.

heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends: this is less of a headcanon and more of a bone i have to pick with canon, but khoa is not a psychopath; but he has latched on to the diagnosis he received and uses it to explain the alienation he experiences from other people. diagnosing an 8 year old child a psychopath is a pretty wildly unethical thing to do, considering we still just don't know a lot when it comes to child psychology. children can exhibit traits like lack of empathy, lack of remorse, low impulse control, antisocial behavior etc but the immediate diagnosis is not psychopathy. and bc of social stigma, such a diagnosis at such a young age would do more damage to him. i get what canon was trying to do here: create a character who is bruce's foil in so many ways. since bruce cares so much and has such empathy, let's make a psychopath be his best friend, someone who has no empathy. but khoa does have empathy, particularly toward bruce. this is turning in to more of a rant but the headcanon is: khoa isn't a psychopath. he was prematurely diagnosed one, and it has since informed what he tells himself he can and can't have, which is why he so often self-sabotages his relationship with bruce and keeps himself at such a distance from everyone else.

unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own: khoa made his peace with the fact that bruce's mission was going to get him killed, back when he first discovered he wanted to kiss bruce in paris 19XX but really, khoa will do anything to prevent that death from happening. through all the years and their various turf wars and skirmishes, all of their ideological differences and arguments, khoa has secretly enmeshed himself into bruce's life so the moment it looks like bruce is finally going to sacrifice himself to his cause, khoa can be there to stop him, consequences be damned. he'll be there to pull bruce back by the cowl and put him back in his place, just like he did when they were little more than children, and bruce will have to live with the knowledge that he doesn't get to die. his life is in khoa's hands. this is unrealistic bc DC will continue to kill bruce off whenever they want and they will forget and frankly already have forgotten about khoa but i never will <3

[send me a character and i'll tell you headcanons]

[amynchan]

Part of the problem of being on this site is I can want to say "hey, teachers and parents have boundaries in place, and sometimes that's why the rules are there," and I'll be petrified of everyone going "Yeah, but once you become a parent/teacher/authority figure, you lose All Rights to enforce those boundaries because you are a Figure In Authority now, and you cease to be a person until your person hood is immediately relevant or beneficial to me personally. Until then, you're the Enemy, and we will absolutely engage in psychological warfare with you to get what we want. :))))"

Which, yes, I did just frame it in that way because that's what I want to say and that's exactly the reaction I'm terrified of getting because I have seen it before. But still, it's a point I wanna make. And I just. Don't??? Wanna get triggered by students who are just gunning for a good grade and don't give two shits about the emotional damage they inflict upon me along the way???? Damage that I, personally, have to wade through, even if I've got other students to see and teach???? It makes me have to learn and employ tactics that I never thought would ever be relevant to me and my style of teaching.

Guys, I'm really trying to be nice and make a difference and be empathetic and understanding and literally the best possible person and teacher I can be. I am doing my goddamn best. But when trying so hard to be the teachers in Freedom Writers or School of Rock ends up costing me my mental and physical health and I stop because all of those things can't support such a lifestyle, the repetition of this cycle of being the students' venting and frustration dumping ground makes me understand not only why teachers become those jaded people you hate but also how. Mind, I'll keep fighting against that outcome by doing my best to keep taking care of my mental health so I can keep pouring to my students, but goddamn, I wish I didn't have to protect myself so fucking viciously.

(Also, there's a reason those movies exist. It's not just for the students. I, as a teacher, would fucking love to be able to do what they do. That's why it's a fantasy. For a lot of us, that lifestyle isn't sustainable, and we don't have the luxury of being able to connect with every single class in the way that movies depict one teacher being able to connect so deeply and profoundly with that one class. ik I've got 7. High school teachers routinely teach 5-7, depending on if they take overtime, tutoring, or sacrifice their prep period just to be able to make enough money. We can provide as much as we can, but that type of telepathic understanding of what all of our students need just by a few meetings? A wishful fantasy for literally everybody involved. All we can do is our best, and I'm starting to believe that we all know just how painfully short we come.)

Like, I wish there was a middle ground. And I found one for a while. I thought it was working so so so so so well. But now I have to up my protection game. Because there's always at least one who's going to send me into a panic attack, and I have to work through it and not quit until all of my classes are taught for the day because I've got at least 26 other students per class who need me to be on the top of my game for them just as I wanna be on the top of my game for the 1. And when those students who have done absolutely nothing to cause this pain and panic notice, when they get concerned, that's a problem on my end. I wanna give everyone an equal and fair shot, and now that means that I have to protect myself even harder to give everyone an actually useful education.

Like. I've got a job to do. I'd love to do it. I want to do it with kindness and empathy and understanding. I just can't keep doing it by carving out pieces of myself, casting myself back into the pits of my darkest moments for a moment of empathy and connection, and being left more damaged and broken than before they came in because they wanted that grade. I can't keep breaking myself for people who think I'm just a cog or a toy or an obstacle. The cycle would be never ending, and I would just end up broken and useless by the end of it. I'm still going to try to find more ways to be empathetic and understanding and helpful, but I really hope I don't become what I hate because some people couldn't figure out what "no" means.

[millenniumdueled]

"It's no use, you've already lost!" Weevil Underwood snickers as the Other Yugi draws for his turn. "This foolish king doesn't know when to give up!"

The Other Yugi shoots a glare in the insect Duelist's direction over the card he's just drawn. He summons Breaker, the Magical Warrior in attack mode. Though its attack points initially read 1600, they immediately raise to 1900.

Weevil grins. He activates a trap card, Infestation, that lowers the attack of every monster on both their fields by 100, and inflicts that loss as damage to the owner's lifepoints. Yugi's drop to 500, Weevil's to 3800.

"Oh that's right, I said I'd tell you how to save your partner after this duel, didn't I? But you're going to lose when you end your turn and Poison Butterfy saps your last 500 points!!! What a shame, the look on your face would've been priceless!"

Other Yugi doesn't flinch this time. This pest has been trying to burrow under his skin the entire Duel, he won't let him crawl inside now. He stares his enemy down with abhorrence in his eyes.

But Weevil doesn't stop talking.

"It's killing me not to say it!! Okay, you know what! This Duel is decided, and it's not like your butch little girlfriend over there can save him without you!!"

"Hey!! Come over here and say that to my face, you worm!" shouts Téa from her place on the next traincar down.

"Calm down already, I'm trying to be nice!" Weevil snaps. "Little Yugi's soul is sealed inside a card, and I know where to find it~"

"Why would I believe a lying pest like you anyway?" the Other Yugi hisses.

"Because~~~ My new employer trusted me to win so much--" as he speaks, Weevil reaches his free hand into the pocket of his shorts. After a few agonizing moments, he holds up a Duel Monsters card, reversed, showing Yugi only the back. "--he gave it to me!! Thought I might need a hostage to get your fighting spirit up again, oh Nameless Pharaoh ! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!"

Time seems to stop, even as the scenery rushes past the speeding train.

Other Yugi's eyes go wide.

His heart skips a beat.

Could it be...?

No.

It's more of Weevil's psychological warfare.

Just more taunting.

But could it be...?

Would Doma have really just handed him Yugi's soul?

That was ridiculous--

But it was always the Pharaoh they really wanted--

So could it be--

"You're about to join him anyway, but the least I can do is let you hold onto your precious little partner while I crush you. Come and get him~~" Weevil waves the card back and forth, tauntingly.

Absently, possessed by desperate desire to see his other half again, Other Yugi takes a step forward.

"Yugi, what are you doing?!" Téa gasps.

Weevil laughs. "Wow, it's that easy?! We're in the middle of a Duel! You can come get him but you're gonna forfeit if you do, you know~~!!!! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!!"

Other Yugi stops dead in his tracks, but his eyes stay wide. Téa's voice behind him feels far away. Everything feels far away

His eyes fix on that card.

His chest feels tight, and his pulse pounds in his ears.

It's just another trick, right?

Is it really Yugi...?

He steps back.

"That's what I thought. Well! Since you don't want it, let's get back to the game!" As he speaks, Weevil takes the card between both hands. "No more distractions~"

The cardstock tears easily, straight down the middle.

And Other Yugi's heart stops.

His stomach drops, the blood freezes in his veins.

An agonized scream tears from his throat. The cards in his hand bend as he clenches around them, bringing one fist to his head, the other to his chest.

Weevil just laughs as he lets the two halves go flying off in the rushing wind.

It takes him a few seconds to regain himself, to drops his hands and raise his head. But when he does, it isn't sorrow on Other Yugi's face anymore as he stares down his enemy.

His breaths come as ragged growls, his body shaking with rage. There's murder in his violet red eyes.

"Holy shit, you should see yourself right now. Seriously! You look like some kind of wild animal, hyuk hyuk hyuk!!! That's no face for a king! And over a useless Pillroach, too!"

"What?!" Other Yugi roars.

"Do you seriously think I'd just rip up a card like that? Yugi's soul??? That would be the most valuable card on Earth!!!!! You really are a stupid king, maybe that's why they really erased your name."

"You're the fucking worst!!!" Téa shouts.

"It was a joke! Not my fault you guys are so sensitive!"

But Other Yugi is still shaking with wild rage. "I'll kill you, you bug!" he snaps.

Weevil's laughter stops.

Yugi activates Breaker the Magical Warrior's effect, destroying the Insect Barrier that's been preventing him from attacking. That effect costs Breaker its attack upgrade, dropping it down to 1500. Then, he can attack again with the very Poison Butterfly that Weevil had given him, destroying the only monster protecting the Insect Duelist. Then he attacks again, sending Breaker directly at Weevil's lifepoints.

As the dust clears, Weevil smirks. "That's it? You don't have any monsters left to attack, and Poison Butterfly's effect will drain you out....!!!" He giggles gleefully. "So I still win!!"

"I didn't say 'turn end'," Other Yugi growls.

Weevil steps back. "Now you're bullshitting!!" he cries.

Other Yugi activities a spell called Berserker Soul. He has to discard his entire hand, but that's just fine.

This is the last turn, anyway.

Berserker Soul's effect lets him keep drawing and discarding from his deck, attacking with a monster on his field whose attack is 1500 or less every time, until he draws a non-monster card.

And Breaker's attack sits at 1500 now.

The Pharaoh draws, and Queen's Knight is promptly discarded. Breaker attacks, dropping Weevil's lifepoints from 2200 to a measly 700.

Yugi draws again.

Gazelle the Mythical Beast.

Weevil's lifepoints drop to 0.

But the Pharaoh isn't done. He draws again. Big Shield Gardna goes into the graveyard, Breaker attacks, and Weevil screams.

The Seal of Orichalcos makes every attack real, inflicting pain beyond any solid vision hologram.

But Other Yugi isn't done.

Alpha, the Magnet Warrior.

Weevil screams again.

Yugi draws again, Dark Magician Girl.

Weevil screams.

And Yugi draws again, another monster.

Another monster.

Another monster.

Another--

Finally, Téa's seen enough. This isn't the Yugi she knows. This isnt the Other Yugi she knows, either. She's seen his Shadow Games, she's seen him at his cruelist before. She was there, though blindfolded, when this same man set an escaped convict on fire to save her. She knows what he's capable of.

But this?

This gruesome overkill, this feedback loop of violence he's caught in now?

This isn't him.

"Yugi stop, you already won!!!!!!" she screams. Despite the wind of the speeding train, she jumps across to the car where Yugi and Weevil duel grabbing her friend's hand as the Seal of Orichalcos shrinks in on Weevil.

"Let me go!!" Other Yugi cries.

"You already won! His lifepoints are zero! It's over, please!!! You're spiraling!" Téa begs.

The look in the Pharaoh's eyes is wild as he tries to catch his breath. He's panting, shaking.

Across the field, Weevil is already on his knees, the Seal already faded.

As stillness falls, Other Yugi is able to pull away from his friend's grip. He charges across the traincar to shake a lifeless Weevil by his shoulders. "I won. You promised, so tell me! Where's my Partner!!" Tears stream down his face as Other Yugi begs. "Tell me where my Partner is!!! You promised!!!! Answer me!!!"

Téa's heart breaks. "He... He's gone.. You know that--"

The Pharaoh screams again, shaking Weevil's lifeless body harder. "Weevil!!!!!!" he cries. "Where is my Partner?!?!?! Where is he!!!!!!!"

"Yugi stop!!!!"

Finally, the Other Yugi lets go of his enemy. He falls back onto his own knees, staring helplessly at his own hands.

No.

These aren't his knees.

These aren't his hands.

Téa comes closer, putting a nervous hand on his trembling shoulder. But what can she say...?

As she searches for the words, the runaway train cuts her off with a sharp, loud whine as it rounds a bend. A sound like an explosion splits the air as the brakes give way.

It's all she can do to scream his name again as the traincar, with Yugi, Téa, and Weevil's lifeless body atop, go careening off a cliff.