#for the last couple months maybe? maybe just the last month
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waningluna · 3 days ago
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Bi girl here! My first crush (though I didn't recognize it at the time, because it Wasn't Allowed™️©️®️) was a guy, and I half-dated a different guy in junior year (started as a bit for the first 2 weeks. Did not end that way.) I have been living in a rural community for the last year and a half, and it only took 3 months for me to forget why I had ever liked men in the first place despite the fact that I undeniably did. Some people have lived in places like this for their entire lives, and can never leave. So it doesn't really surprise me that those people hold the opinion that Men Are Inherently Evil, Chauvinist, Disgusting, Inconsiderate, Stupid Pigs, because that's the only kind of man that they've met. That doesn't mean they're right, mind, it just means they've never been shown anything contrary.
Or hell, maybe they have seen other kinds of men, I know there's a few guys around here that a less disciplined version of myself might have been friends with, but they're a couple flakes of gold in a sea of horse shit over here, so I understand it not being worth it. They only know the men in their area, and no matter which figurehead you point to, most of them are much of the same, because they, for whatever reason, got to build the world we live in.
Look, Ms. Punkitt. You seem like a nice person and all, but how you handled that original post was awful. You had a bad take, fine! That happens, and I won't hold that against you. But then other trans women show up to inform you of their experience, and why your take was bad, and you act like they've insulted you. You effectively plug your ears and say "This doesn't happen to me, so obviously it never happens", and then go right into insulting them. It's an assholish thing to do, to say the least. Like I said, you seem(ed) cool, so maybe you'll be able to get past this, but it was a bad showing from you.
My take of "I think certain specific people in my community having a bizarre hatred of masculinity is harmful" is bad?
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desperate-gay · 14 hours ago
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Kristie mewis x reader panic attack or maybe a little relapse with reader and Kristie is there as her girlfriend .
Safe With You
Kristie Mewis x fem!reader
summary: during a girls’ night out, you encounter someone you never thought you’d see again, triggering a panic attack. Your best friend Kristie helps you through it and later helps reveal true feelings
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“Ooo, this one right here!” Kelley yells, pointing out the downtown club. Some of the gotham girls, along with you, decided it was a beautiful night out and since you didn’t have any responsibilities the next day, it was a perfect time to go out.
“How many more do you think we’re gonna go to?” You ask, leaning over to Kristie’s ear so no other pondering friends can listen in.
“Let’s hope this will be the last.” Kristie huffs, wrapping her arm around your shoulder and dragging you along with the group.
None of the girls are drunk but most are definitely tipsy. You have only had about two and a half drinks within the past couple of hours, so you’re not feeling any effects while Kristie has only had three.
Kelley is the most drunk out of everyone, even the younglings, and when Kelley is drunk, she never wants to stop partying. Many of the girls are not protesting considering this is the first free day they have had in weeks, especially Ali with having to take care of her kids.
The group finds a table somewhat in the corner of the bar, and a few of the girls go to the bar to order drinks. Kristie and you both sit on the high-top chairs across from Midge and Jenna. Kristie and Midge are in a heated discussion on what’s the best way to style and take care of your eyebrows while you and Jenna watch them with amused smiles.
Suddenly, a prickling at the back of your neck makes you turn around and flit your gaze nervously across the crowded room, almost as if a sudden fog made its way into the bar. As much as you look, you can’t seem to find anything out of the ordinary.
Relief washes over your face when Lynn arrives with hands full of drinks, sparking cheers around the table. Sure you haven’t drank much yet, but that just gives you reason to drink more now. Once you get a hold of your drink, you begin to take multiple large gulps, shocking the girls around you.
“Damn girl, the drink isn’t going anywhere.” Lynn teases while the other girls laugh along.
Kristie just stares at you in bewilderment, not being used to this side of you. You blush under everyone’s gaze and look around the dance floor to try and remove the unwanted attention.
Within minutes, many of the girls are pulled onto the dance floor, leaving you with Kristie and Midge at the table.
“How about you? What was the last date you had?” Midge asks you since you’re the only one who hasn’t shared. You shift a little uncomfortably at the two girl’s stares, especially one being your best friend who you have grown attracted to within the past year.
“Umm, it was a blind date set up by my friend a few months ago. He was sweet and all, but I just didn’t see it going anywhere.” You shrug, taking another sip of your drink.
“What did he do? Profession wise.” Midge wonders, intrigued by your love life you barely share any detail about.
“A lawyer.”
“So let me get this straight. He was sweet, a lawyer, and a good friend of your friend. Was he ugly?”
“No, he wasn't ugly at all, it’s just, I don’t know honestly.” You exhale, rubbing your hands on the glass cup sitting on the table.
“There has so got to be more to that story, but I’ll let you off the hook. For now.” Midge teases with a daunting glare directed at you.
You didn’t even realize how silent the blonde next to you had become. You couldn’t say the real reason as to why the blind date didn’t become a second one when the reason is sitting next to you. Around the time of the date, you began to feel new feelings about your best friend, and you’re still trying to depict them.
“You never told me about that date.” Kristie states, finally speaking up.
“I didn’t think it was that important.” You say, tensing your shoulders up subconsciously at the scene. Kristie just hums, not believing you for a second but deciding to let it go.
Soon Kelley returns to the table, drunk and ditsy, claiming everyone is such party poopers. You all roll your eyes at the girl but chuckle, and soon the blonde next to you is dragged by Kelley to the dance floor.
Kristie looks at you with pleading eyes as her arm is getting tugged off, begging for you to get her out of it, but you just shrug with an entertained smile. You notice the midfielder lipping something at you with a glare, but you’re too tipsy to understand.
“So, about that lawyer.” You laugh at the younger girl’s persistence, shaking your head with a disbelief look.
“Midgey, like I told you-”
That’s when you hear it. That booming, raspy laugh just a few feet away from you. You thought you’d never have to hear that ugly sound ever again, but of course, you’re proven wrong.
You slowly turn around, and when you do, you catch eyes with someone you haven’t seen since Boston College. His sinister smirk stretches across his face as he takes a sip of his beer, eyeing you up while the fear in your eyes grows.
Pins and needles spread through your limbs, leaving you numb. The glass in your hand feels distant, as if it belongs to someone else. Your ears become muffled, blocking Midge’s worried calls out for you. And then your heartbeat. It starts to speed up five times its usual pace, causing your breathing to match its fast rate.
“Midge, what’s going on?” Ali asks, having come back to rest from all the dancing.
“I have no clue, one second we were talking and the next we weren’t.” Midge furrows her eyebrows with a worried expression, trying to figure out how to help.
“Here, help me take her outside.” Ali demands, continuing to try and grab your attention and ask if it’s okay if she touches you.
When you don’t answer, Ali softly touches your arm and when you don’t react, she wraps your arm around her shoulder to support your weight. Midge wraps her arms around your midsection once Ali stands you up, and you can’t even feel either touch.
The girls get you so close until you suddenly become deadweight in the corner of the bar, dragging the two girls down with you so you don’t get injured. Your knees curl up to your chin, and your arms wrap around your legs. Your whole body feels like TV static, numbing your mind along with it.
“What do we do? She’s clearly panicking!” Midge begins to freak out, becoming extremely worried at your state, watching tears run down your wide eyes.
“Go get Kristie.”
“What?”
“Go grab Kristie! Now, Midge!” Ali doesn’t mean to yell, but she’s not sure how long you’ll go without passing out. Midge nods her head determinedly and runs onto the dance floor through the sweaty bodies to find the midfielder.
You never thought you’d run into that pathetic excuse of a man again. The beginning of your relationship was great sophomore year, but then it began to grow more tense. Arguing about the future, miscommunications, and disagreements turned into pushes, then slaps, and finally full-on punches.
It took you getting a concussion to finally put an end to what was happening. Kristie was there from the beginning, constantly trying to get you to move in with her and leave him, but you just couldn’t. Despite the abuse, you felt as if he still loved you.
Then a few months after the breakup came the stalking and threatening. He would follow you to classes, work, and even practices just to scare you. Along with that, we would make burner accounts and threaten to lie to the dean to get you kicked from school, and show explicit photos to your friends and family.
It took Kristie speaking up for you to finally file a restraining order. Ever since then, you haven’t seen or heard a peep from the man.
“What’s going on!” Kristie’s voice cuts through the loud air, approaching your curled-up body.
“We don’t know.” Midge admits, biting her lip anxiously at the scene of Kristie trying everything to get your attention.
“Well, what the hell happened!” Kristie’s voice raises, absolutely terrified at the state you're in and wanting to do whatever she can to get you out of it.
“One second we were talking and then the next she looked around and went into this!”
“Looked around?”
The midfielder quickly glances around the room, attempting to follow in your footsteps, and that’s when she sees it. More like sees him. That same smug smirk she remembers seeing years ago.
“Kriegs, I need you to go grab security. Quickly.” Without any hesitation, Ali runs to look for bouncers while Kristie turns her glare from the man over to you with a softened look.
Your eyes are looking everywhere and nowhere all at once. They’re moving yet you can’t focus or see a thing, but when you hear that familiar soothing voice, your vision begins to unblur.
“There you are.” The blonde states, watching your gaze finally make contact with hers.
Within seconds, your breathing begins to slow, reverting back to its original pace as soon as it can, helping your body relax and unnumb. Just the sound of Kristie’s voice and the soft touch of her hand have helped tremendously, although you aren’t in the clear.
Your breaths have slowed down from before but it’s still rapid compared to the normal rate, and most of your body remains dizzy.
“What can I help you with, ma’am?” The bouncer asks, approaching you two with Ali right next to him.
“I need you to get that man out of here.” Kristie demands, pointing to the cause of all this chaos.
“We can’t kick him out without cause. We haven’t heard any complaints.” The man asserts with furrowed brows, but Kristie doesn’t seem to take it.
“Is a restraining order enough? Escort him out or I will, sir.”
Many of the girls who have now gathered around, not too close to overwhelm you, eyes widened with impressed looks and smiles as they watch the bouncer scram to escort him out.
“Wow. Don’t wanna mess with Kristie and her girl.” Nealy mumbles to a nodding Jenna.
Meanwhile, you’re finally making progress on being able to talk, hear, and breathe normally. A lot of your body remains tingly along with weakness, but the blonde girl alongside you helps you with everything.
“Here she is.” Kristie murmurs softly, her voice cutting through the haze in your mind like sunlight breaking through a curtained window. Her steady tone anchors you, and your frantic gaze finally meets hers.
“You’re okay, you’re safe. I’m right here.” She calmly says, her touch is gentle but firm, hands rubbing slow, deliberate circles on your arms.
Your chest heaves as you fight to regain control of your breathing, each inhale catching like a hiccup in your throat. But her words, her presence, they’re a lifeline. Slowly, the static buzzing in your body begins to fade, replaced by a dull ache and a tingling warmth where her hands rest on your arms.
“That’s it.” Kristie encourages, her eyes locked on yours. “Breathe with me, okay? In and out.”
You nod shakily, mimicking her deep breaths. Your lungs still feel tight, but the rhythm she sets calms the chaos in your chest. Gradually, the room sharpens around you; the distant thrum of music, the faint chatter of the girls nearby. It’s overwhelming, but Kristie keeps your focus tethered to her.
“There you go.” she says when your breathing finally steadies. “You’re doing so good, honey.”
Your heart stumbles at her words, warmth spreading through your chest despite the lingering fear. You manage a small nod, though the effort feels monumental.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper, your voice hoarse and shaky. “I don’t know what happened. I saw him, and-”
“Stop, you don’t have to explain right now. It’s not your fault.” Kristie interrupts gently, shaking her head.
“She’s right, Y/n. None of this is your fault.” Midge steps closer, her face lined with concern.
You exhale shakily, the pressure in your chest lightening as you take in their words. Slowly, with Kristie’s help, you rise to your feet. Your legs wobble, lightheadedness threatening to pull you down again, but her arm is already around your waist, holding you steady.
“Easy, I’ve got you.” She says softly, her steady grip grounding you.
Her closeness, the protective strength in her touch, is almost too much to bear. Your cheeks flush a deep red, and you glance away, hiding the way her presence affects you. But Kristie notices, of course she does. Her hand lingers on your waist as her gaze searches yours.
“How about we head home, yeah?” The older girl suggests with a small smile.
“Yeah.”
When Kristie suggested going home, you both decided to just stay over at her apartment. It was close and for some reason comfier than yours in your opinion.
The midfielder was quick to offer you her clothes to sleep in which included a t-shirt and shorts. You were so relieved to take off the tight pants you had on along with your bra that felt like it was pushing your breasts all the way into your back.
You’re both cuddled together on the couch watching some sitcom on the TV. Cuddling isn’t new to you two, but ever since you realized your feelings for the older girl, your chest tightens and your cheeks flush whenever she gets this close.
Within minutes you’re asleep on the blonde’s chest, your cheek resting on her grey sweater and hair splattered across your face. Kristie is not too far behind, having soothed herself to sleep by threading her nails through the top of your head while the show in the background plays lightly.
The night passes in a peaceful blur, and when morning comes, sunlight streams through the window, warming your face. You squint against the brightness, groaning softly as you blink yourself awake. The warmth of Kristie��s arm draped over you lingers, grounding you in the moment, but you still try to sit up as well as you can without waking the girl.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Kristie rasps, her voice low and husky from sleep, with a sleepy grin spreading across her face as she stretches her arms over her head.
If you were half asleep before, you sure as hell aren’t now. The sound of her morning voice, paired with the pet name, sends a shiver down your spine. You’re not used to this side of her, so confident, so close. It makes your pulse race in ways you’re not sure you can control.
Kristie immediately notices the change in your posture despite only being up for a few minutes. She slowly sits up next to you, watching the side of your face and observing your reaction to her getting closer to you. When you turn, you slightly jump having not actually seen her move up close to you.
“Hi.” You manage a shaky smile, your heart still racing from the sudden closeness.
“Hi.” The girl’s lips curl into a soft grin, her blue eyes flickering between yours as if searching for something unspoken. The way she leans closer makes your breath hitch.
A new tension rises between you two as you both stare at one another with longing eyes, wanting so much more but not making a move. You don’t want to pull away. Maybe this is when something can happen between you two, but you’re too afraid to make the first move.
Suddenly, Kristie’s voice breaks the air with something unexpected.
“Please tell me to stop if I’m doing something you don’t want or like.”
Your breath catches in your throat as her words hang in the air. Kristie’s voice is quiet, almost hesitant, but there’s a certainty in her tone that makes your pulse quicken once again. Her gaze remains locked on yours, searching for any sign of hesitation.
You should say something. Anything. But all you can do is stare at her, your heart pounding in your chest like it’s trying to escape, too nervous to do something wrong.
“Kristie.” You finally whisper, unsure of where the courage to speak comes from.
Her name falls from your lips like a plea, and that’s all the confirmation she seems to need. Slowly, carefully, she closes the small space between you.
Her hand brushes against yours, the touch featherlight, as if she’s giving you the chance to pull away. You don’t. Instead, your fingers curl slightly, brushing hers in return.
“Is this okay?” She asks softly, voice trembling just enough to betray her own nerves.
“Yeah. It’s more than okay.” You nod, barely able to speak.
A small smile tugs at her lips before she leans in, her forehead resting lightly against yours. Her breath is warm against your skin, and you swear the world outside her apartment melts away. It’s just you and her now, caught in this fragile, perfect moment.
Her hand lifts to your cheek, her thumb tracing the crevices of your skin. The touch sends shivers down your spine, and for the first time, you realize just how much you’ve wanted this. Just how much you’ve been concealing these emotions.
And then, finally, she kisses you.
It’s gentle at first, her lips brushing against yours like a question, but when you don’t pull away, when you kiss back, it deepens. Your hands find their way to her shoulders repositioning and anchoring yourself to her as her fingers tangle in your hair.
Time slows. The sitcom that played throughout the night fades into white noise. All you can feel is her warmth, her touch, and the way she makes you feel like the center of the universe.
When she finally pulls back, her cheeks are flushed, and her grin is sheepish.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” She admits, her voice barely above a whisper.
You laugh softly, your own face warm.
“Me too.”
For the first time in what feels like forever, the tension between you two isn’t uncertainty. It’s the start of something new.
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grudgecollector · 2 days ago
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Afterglow | Nam-gyu / American!Reader
You're reading part three
Story Summary: Nam-gyu gets a new job and finds himself falling for the girl behind the deli counter.
Words: 1.6k
Tags/Warnings: Canon divergence, Thanos lives, fluff, suggestive themes (no smut), implied smoking weed
A/N: This man has taken a over my whole BRAIN HELP ME
Also thank you guys for all the support on these past two parts because holy shit... YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY, so glad to know there's so many other Nam-gyu truthers amongst us.
This man is really getting me through whatever sickness shit I'm going through right now
PART TWO | MASTERLIST
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There was a slight chance of snowfall today, it made you happy to know you wouldn’t have to return back to work for another day. Able to enjoy the chilly weather inside, cuddled up against Nam-gyu on his couch. 
Your fingers mindlessly playing with one of his blankets thrown over the both of you. Listening to him and Su-bong playfully argue over what couple was going to last throughout the entire show. 
“But they’re so annoying…” Your boyfriend commented, pointing at the screen a little as the two coupled contestants talked to each other on screen. 
Nam-gyu groaned, running a hand over his face as Su-bong paused the show for what seemed like the fifth time. He stood up from his chair, putting his finger right over the female contestants face, a small smirk on his lips. 
“You see that?” Su-bong said, pointing back and forth between the two people on screen.
“What are we looking at, dumbass?” Nam-gyu rolled his eyes, throwing his arm back over your shoulder as you leaned into him a little more. His fingers squeezed your bicep softly. 
“Passion.” Su-bong whispered, “Look at the way she’s looking at him, she wants him sooo bad, bro.” 
“They barely know each other!” 
Days like these quickly became your favorite over the last eight months. Peaceful nights spent in the comfort of Nam-gyu and Su-bong’s apartment.
At first you worried that you were invading their personal space. 
In the beginning it was clear that you were still not used to being with someone like this after your last, less than savory, relationship. 
But Nam-gyu has been so sweet to you throughout your relationship, passionate words whispered in the darkness of his bedroom, leaving gentle kisses pressed on your knuckles before pulling you closer. 
“What do you think?” Su-bong asked, directing his eyes to you, “Don’t they just seem so passionately in love to you?” He threads his fingers together in front of his chest, patiently awaiting your answer. 
You laughed, “Honestly? No-” 
“Wrong!” Su-bong interrupted, raising his hand, “You guys are so blind, come on!” 
Nam-gyu and you laughed at Su-bong’s dramatics. 
“You guys are useless. And that’s the truth.” The man standing in front of the tv ran a hand through his blue hair, letting out an exaggerated sigh before shaking his head. 
Nam-gyu’s hand slipped from your bicep to your back, blunt nails scratching softly against your shirt. His head leaned against the back of the couch, listening to his friend continue to ramble on some more, occasionally unpausing the show to further attempt to prove his point. 
“Dude… Just sit your ass down and watch the show already.” Nam-gyu sighed finally. 
You softly push against his chest, “Hey he’s just really passionate about his reality tv couples.” 
“Yeah, fuck you Nam-gyu.” Su-bong flipped him the bird playfully, earning one back from your boyfriend. 
“Fuck you too Thanos.” Nam-gyu teased. 
~~~
Nam-gyu bites his lip softly, smoothing over the weighted blanket before glancing over at his door. He felt so cold, his hands shaking a little from the bite of chilly air.
Maybe I smoked a little bit too much... He thought to himself
He brought his shaky hands up to tuck his hair behind his ears, moving to take his socks off. 
Arms wound themselves around Nam-gyu’s waist, making him let out a little sigh. One hand securing itself on your forearm. A warmth spread through Nam-gyu’s chest, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. This truly had to be a dream. 
He turned around slowly, hands finding their way to your cheeks, thumbs softly brushing against your skin, watching you blink up at him. He was sure that if it was possible he would have hearts in his eyes. 
He was so hopelessly, and pathetically in love. This is real passion… Nam-gyu thought to himself. 
Never in his life did Nam-gyu think he would feel such a way about someone. In the past his feelings were always so fleeting, leaving him within weeks, the stress of relationships straining his patience.
He was honestly scared to make things official at first, scared that things would end up being the same. 
But after getting to know you as deeply as he has, he couldn’t see himself wanting to be with anyone else. 
“I love you so much.” He whispered so softly, his eyes taking in every part of your face as he held you close. 
Your fingers tightened around the waist of his hoodie, a small tearful smile coming to your lips. 
“God, you’re gonna make me cry.” You laugh, bringing a hand to rub away a stray tear. 
Nam-gyu knew all about your past relationship, the hardships you went through. It was a difficult time in your life, and you found it so hard to put yourself back out there afterwards. Sinking back into the shadows, hoping nobody looked twice in your direction. 
You had been utterly terrified to get into another relationship when Nam-gyu proposed the idea. Simply asking for a date, a night together at some semi-fancy restaurant. He could feel how hard your hands shook when you grasped onto his that night, a nervous sweat forming on your palms which you quickly apologized for. 
Selfishly, Nam-gyu was happy that you were just as scared as him. 
Maybe it wasn’t for the same reason, but diving into something like this shook the man to his core. Terrified that at any second his happiness could be ripped from under him. Terrified that you would somehow find out about the horrible things he’s done. 
But every time he looked into your beautiful eyes, those thoughts melted away. You made him forget how suffocating his life was.
His fingers smoothed away the teary trails, a smile spreading across his face. 
“You’re just so beautiful too.” He continued, laughing softly at the small sob that fell from your lips, “So perfect…” 
“Nam-gyu…” You whispered quietly, a small laugh coming from you as well, “Shut up.” 
He cupped his hands back around your jaw, bringing you in for a soft kiss. He wasn’t bothered by the occasional tear that would slide against his skin.
Instead he brought you closer, pouring all of his unsaid words into you. One hand fell to your waist, pressing you flush against his body. 
Both of your hands found their way to his hair, pulling him impossibly closer as your lips slotted together so perfectly. Soft sighs leaving the both of you. 
Nam-gyu felt like he could kiss you for the rest of his life, your lips were so soft, teeth biting against his bottom lip forcing a small moan from his mouth.
You were going to be the death of him, he knew it. 
His hand tightened itself on your waist, brows drawing together as he felt his whole body begin to heat up under your touch. He disconnected your lips, trailing kisses from your cheek to your jaw, nipping every now and then as he got closer to your neck. 
You tilted your head back a little, allowing him better access as he left open mouthed kisses against your warm skin. His thumb caressed your throat gently as he bit down a little harder near your the collar of your shirt, forcing a small whimper from your parted lips. 
“Nam-gyu…” You sighed out his name, making his heart flutter in his chest. 
He lifted his head, staring at you with lidded eyes and a small smirk playing at the corner of his lips, “So… you sure you still want to go to sleep?” He teased, thumb trailing along your bottom lip. 
“Get on the bed already, dick.” 
~~~
“Morning, lovebirds.” Su-bong winked as he made his way into the kitchen, going up to the fridge and grabbing the carton of orange juice. 
You looked up from your phone, readjusting your feet under Nam-gyu’s thigh. The both of you were sitting next to each other at the small dining table, enjoying the snowy morning together, quietly scrolling through your phones. 
“Morning.” Nam-gyu yawned, bringing another spoonful of cereal into his mouth absentmindedly. 
Su-bong turned around, looking up from his cup of orange juice, “So what’s going on to- Holy fuck!” He cut himself off. 
He rushed over to his friend, forcing Nam-gyu’s head to the side, and jabbing a finger into one of the prominent bruises you left just above his collarbone by accident. Oops… you thought to yourself, laughing a little. 
“Was she trying to suck the life out of you, bro?” Su-bong looked between the two of you with wide eyes. 
Nam-gyu slapped his hand away, a small chuckle coming from him. “That’s nothing, you should see the one I left on her-” You slapped his shoulder, making him laugh harder. 
“You guys are nasty as fuck.” Su-bong scolded, shaking his head in disappointment. 
You knew better than to take his jabs seriously. Su-bong brought home a new girl every other week, if not more.
Sometimes you were unfortunate enough to be in the apartment when those moments would occur. Making it so you and Nam-gyu have to turn the volume to his TV up a lot louder than you liked. Just so you could drown out the god awful sounds that float through the horribly thin walls of his apartment. 
“Oh please, like you can say anything.” Nam-gyu rolled his eyes, “You’re like a fucking horny dog sometimes.” 
“What can I say? I can’t keep the girls off of me, man.” Su-bong plopped himself down in the seat across from Nam-gyu. “Anyway, what I was going to say… What’s going on today?”
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solarhysm · 23 hours ago
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DUST OF US - 06
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> synopsis: 7 years ago Y/N broke Jungkook’s heart when she decided to end their relationship without an explanation. When they meet again at a friend's wedding, after almost a decade, Jungkook needs answers to move on.
> pairing: Jungkook x reader
> genre: romance, ex to lovers au
> warnings: explicit languages, violence, smut, cheating, nsfw, angst, +18 minors dni !!
> word count: 4.6k
*french writer, i apologize in advance for my awful english!
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If this is a dream, Jungkook doesn’t want to wake up. His eyes never leave your face as you tell him a story about you and your friends. After that kiss, you both decided to take a walk along the shore. Jungkook knows you’ve always liked the feeling of sand under your feet, even in the cold. He carries your boots, happy to do so, while you walk beside him, occasionally digging your toes into the sand.
He thought you would reject him when he kissed you out of nowhere. But you didn’t. Now, all he wants is to kiss you again. He’s dying to. But he doesn’t want to push his luck. If you want to kiss him, you will. He hopes you will. His eyes drop to your hand, brushing against his with every step. His fingers twitch. Not yet. Play it cool.
As if reading his mind, you hand him the bottle of soju you’ve been sharing, giving him something to do with his hands. He takes a sip and nods, silently thanking you.
“And Hwan ended up covered in Hyesun’s last meal,” you laugh, but he hasn’t been paying attention to the story. Jungkook is just smiling at the sound of your laughter. “But she’s a good friend. Even after Hyesun threw up on her, she kept taking care of her.”
“You’re pretty,” Jungkook whispers, and you freeze, eyes widening.
“I—You can’t say stuff like that out of nowhere,” you mumble, looking away to hide the blush creeping up your cheeks.
Jungkook has always said what’s on his mind, whether people liked it or not. And you know that. Once you’re far enough from the nightclubs and prying eyes, the two of you sit on the sand, staring at the shore.
“Alright,” you sigh, pulling a plastic bag between you. “We’ve gotta finish all of this before the sun rises.” You challenge him, and he smirks.
“Easy.”
A soft smile stretches across his lips as he watches you take out two beers and another bottle of soju. You clink your drinks together and take a sip.
“I’m surprised you didn’t make friends in Japan,” you say, breaking the silence.
“I did, actually,” Jungkook replies, burying the bottom of his beer bottle in the sand. He pulls his legs against his chest and takes a deep breath. “Kentaro is visiting me next month. If you behave, I’ll introduce him to you.”
You roll your eyes playfully, licking your lips. His big brown eyes follow the way your tongue traces your lips before he looks away. He knows you want to ask something, and he tilts his head, encouraging you.
“Stop that,” you groan, and he chuckles.
“You want to ask me about girls?”
“I never said that,” you retort, hiding behind your beer.
“You don’t need to. It’s written all over your face,” Jungkook laughs, stretching out. “What about you?”
He likes that he can still read you so easily.
“You didn’t answer,” you say, tilting your head in his direction.
“Hm... I had my fair share of girls, to be honest. But not in the first couple of years.”
“Really?”
“Hm.” He hums again. “Wait, are we talking about serious relationship?”
“All type.” You reply, leaning on your elbows.
“I had… two serious relationships. And a bunch of flings. Mostly flings actually. The heart wasn’t there for more.”
“Two?” You ask like it’s all you keep in mind.
“Yeah. You and a girl named Hina,” Jungkook nods, watching as you draw shapes in the sand. “And you?”
“No one since you. I mean, I had a few flings. And some one-night stands,” you say, and he arches a brow, surprised and amused.
“Look at that. Didn’t you become a bold one?” He jokes. “What a shame, a pretty girl like you, still single.”
“Shut up,” you chuckle, nudging his shoulder. “Maybe that’ll change. I’m sort of in a situationship right now. He wants more.”
“And you?”
“I don’t know. He’s nice.” You shrug, and Jungkook frowns.
“Nabi, don’t force yourself. I mean... who am I to give advice, right?” He laughs awkwardly before turning to look at you. “But I want you to be happy. And if you’re not sure that guy can give you what you want, don’t date him.”
“If I’m being honest...” You pause, and Jungkook gives you his full attention, sitting up straighter. “I’m scared to end up alone. I’m too... complicated. Most of the guys I had after you hated my attitude. But Baekhyun? He just embraces it. He supports me, accepts that I’m not ready to date, and waits for me.”
“That’s not enough. You shouldn’t accept the bare minimum,” Jungkook says, and you shake your head. “You deserve someone who’ll worship you.”
“Easy for you to say. Girls have been chasing you since we were teens.”
“Not the one I want,” he whispers, looking down at his beer as your eyes fall on his side profile. “you’re hard to live with, you’re stubborn with a big mouth and a taste for fights, I won’t deny that.” Jungkook teases and you slap his shoulder "But I also know that once you love, you give everything. If a man can’t get past your tough shell, he doesn’t deserve your love."
"Since when did you become a psychologist?"
"Tonight," he jokes. "Give me one more hour and a few beers, and I’ll be able to read your palm." He grins as you smile. "But I’m serious. Don’t settle for Baekhyun if you think he’s just convenient or your last option. Agreeing with everything you say? That’s not love."
You roll your eyes, making him smile wider.
"Then find me a guy who can handle me," you challenge playfully. Jungkook smirks, gesturing to himself. You laugh, shaking your head. "You should hate me."
"I don’t."
"I said you should." You lift a finger in the air, and he chuckles.
"Who’s Baekhyun, anyway?" Jungkook asks teasingly, his shoulder bumping into yours.
"You’ve met him," you muse, tilting your head to meet his gaze. "My assistant. The other tattoo artist."
"What?" Jungkook gasps playfully. "That kid? How old is he, eighteen?"
"Stop!" You laugh, punching his arm. "He’s twenty-three."
"I always knew you liked them young. I mean, I’m younger—"
"I’m older by a few weeks!"
"Cougar," Jungkook teases, and you roll your eyes. He won’t lie—he’s seen Baekhyun, and something about him seemed off. Or maybe it’s just jealousy because that kid has you and he doesn’t. "Do you change his diapers, too?"
"I’m done with this conversation," you huff, turning your head away while Jungkook bursts into laughter.
"Come on, Nabi, I’m just joking."
And yet, Jungkook is wondering if that Baekhyun knows you as much as he did once upon a time. Does he know that you hate to sleep on the right side of the bed? Or how you have a hard time focusing if there’s too much people around you, how you hate wearing nails polish. Does he know how to make those pretty sounds come out of your mouth when you’re in bed? And mostly, does he know how you love and the look you used to give him? Do you give the same look to that kid?
"Do you remember the last time we were at a beach in Busan?" you ask suddenly.
"Before we left for Seoul," Jungkook says softly, his eyes falling to his hands around his beer.
"We talked about the future," you add, a small smile tugging at your lips.
"I remember." Jungkook nods, his gaze following yours to the shore. "A big house, two kids, a cat, and a dog."
"Hm." You smile, pressing your lips together. His eyes drift back to your face. "Where would we be if… we had stayed together?"
"Married, for sure," Jungkook replies, finishing his beer. "Maybe you’d be pregnant with our first baby."
The thought makes you smile, and Jungkook’s lips curl into a soft smile too. He’s imagined it so many times—how beautiful you’d look with a round belly, glowing with happiness.
"Or maybe we’d be right where we are now," you say, taking a sip of your drink. "Maybe we were meant to be apart."
"I don’t believe that," Jungkook says, almost too quickly. "Our story wasn’t over."
"What makes you so sure?" you ask, arching a brow and Jungkook clenches his jaw, turning his attention to you.
"I didn’t fight for us because you disappeared that day. But I wanted to," he admits, and you chuckle bitterly.
"That’s why I disappeared." You shrug like it’s nothing. "I knew if I saw you again, you’d try to fix things, and I’d give in."
"That’s why you just… left our apartment and changed your number?" he frowns, and you nod, biting the inside of your cheek. He hates how casually you say it, like it didn’t tear him apart.
He hated that place without you in it. He hated that your left side of the bed still smelled like you even after he changed the sheets, how he could still hear you humming in the kitchen like you were cooking for both or how the couch felt cold without you cuddling against him during your movie nights.
"Do you even know… how it felt to come home and find our place half-empty?”  He starts before hardly swallowing. “How I had to sleep in a bed that still smelled like you for weeks before I gave the keys back to the landlord? Fuck, Nabi… Do you have any idea how hard it was to live without you when I was so used to having you around all the time?" Jungkook shakes his head, hiding his face in his hands. "I thought it was the end of the world."
His admission makes you blink a few times as you look down, and Jungkook suddenly feels guilty when he sees you wiping your cheek.
“I’m sorry.” You say with a little voice. “I’m sorry…I – I thought you’d be better off without me."
“Says who?” He frowns, upset, shaking his head. “I was better with you.”
"I didn’t want to leave you," you admit before your emotions overwhelm you, and tears spill from your eyes, making Jungkook freeze. What is he supposed to do now? He didn’t mean to make you cry. He just wanted to have a good evening with you, but now you’re sobbing. What an idiot. "I never wanted to leave you."
"Y/N…"
 “I –“ You swallow a sob. “I did it for you.” You shake your head and he frowns a little while you wipe your cheeks and take a deep breath.
"How… breaking up with me…?" Jungkook whispers, unable to finish his sentence.
He hates seeing you cry, but he knows that if he tries to comfort you, you would just push him away.
“I…I tried to help you.” You pinch your lips together. “That university in Tokyo accepted you. You were going to waste that opportunity just to stay with me."
Jungkook’s frown deepens. He never told you he was going to turn down the offer in Tokyo. And like you read his mind you let out a watery chuckle.
“I heard your conversation with Jimin.” you explain, and Jungkook freezes, a wave of anger rising inside him. “I couldn’t let you refuse that to work as a simple cashier, Kook. I couldn’t let you waste your life for me.”
Jungkook lets out a sour chuckle before getting up, his fists clenched at his sides. All this time, he thought that he did something wrong. All this time he thought that you left him because he said something that hurt you enough to breaking up with him.
“And who are you to decide for me?” He almost spits as you stay sitting on the sand, looking at him. “We were a team, remember? We were supposed to talk about it. Make it work!”
“Jungkook.” You say softly, getting on your knees but he takes a step back.
"All this time…" he mutters, shaking his head as a sob escapes. "Fuck... All this time, I thought it was my fault."
"I’m sorry."
"Sorry won’t fix seven wasted years!" he barks, and you struggle to get up, both of you drunk.
"Kook…"
"No." He shakes his head, wiping his face. "I fucking loved you with everything I had. I wanted to spend my life with you, build a future with you. If you had just talked to me, we could’ve made it work! You were the only one I ever listened to."
“Jungkook.” You repeat as you try to reach his hand but he takes another step back. “How was that supposed to work?” You frown and he rolls his eyes, looking away. “You were about to live new experiences. I would’ve been the girlfriend stuck in your hometown. How long would it have taken before you left me?"
"Don’t twist this into being my fault, Y/N," he warns, jaw clenched. "The distance, the new experiences—that’s bullshit, and you know it."
“I know that you needed your freedom.” You bite back and his teeth close on his tongue to not say something hurtful. “That’s why I didn’t want to reconnect with you. I knew how all of this would end.” You mumble, gathering your stuff and he can clearly see how hurt you are.
“I needed you.” He says more softly, but you don’t listen, tying your hair into a ponytail before catching your witch hat. “Nabi.” He stops you, standing right behind you.
"I get it, Jungkook. I do," you say without looking at him, trying to hold back tears, but he can hear the quiver in your voice. You're close to breaking.
“Nabi.” He repeats as you stand up, your hands full of your things.
"I never asked you to come back into my life," you snap, finally turning to face him, shaking your head. "I never asked you to kiss me earlier. I think it’s time to say goodbye for good."
"No." Jungkook's voice is firm as his fingers close around your arm. Even when you try to pull away, his grip tightens. “I won’t let that happen.”
You let out a dry chuckle, turning to face him, both of you frowning.
"You must be pretty stupid to still want me," you say, trying to swat his hand away, but he pulls you closer instead.
"I know what you’re doing. You’re being mean to protect yourself. It won’t work. We’re going to talk." His voice rises a little. "You always run when things get complicated. Not this time."
"Let me go, Jungkook."
"Not before we figure this out."
"There’s nothing to figure out!" you bark, but he only pulls you closer, his hand firm on your arm.
"Talk to me, Y/N," he says, his voice louder than yours now.
"I did! And you got mad at me!" You groan, feeling your frustration grow. He takes a deep breath, softening his features.
"It’s not too late."
"What?!"
"Us. It’s not too late," Jungkook whispers, and you stare at him, blinking in disbelief. "Yes, I’m upset with you. But that’s because I know... I know we could have made this work."
"How?" you ask, your tone softer now, no longer fighting him off.
"I could have… taken the ferry to see you during my holidays. You could’ve visited me. There’s always a solution, Nabi." He tilts his head, trying to meet your gaze.
"You were free," you reply, and he shakes his head.
"I didn’t want that," Jungkook chuckles sadly, finally letting go of your arm. "If you really want to leave, then go. I won’t stop you anymore, Nabi."
He looks at you as none of you break the eye contact. Will you leave? He doesn’t want to force you to anything. But you don’t move. And he hopes that you’re not playing him.
"Fuck," he laughs humorlessly, running a hand through his hair. "You’re the only woman who can shatter me, and I’ll still come running after you."
"I thought I was helping you," you murmur, biting your tongue, looking down at your feet. "I didn’t want to leave. I..." Your voice breaks, and you begin to sob. "I didn’t want to hurt you."
Jungkook stays silent, his fists clenching at his sides to stop himself from pulling you into his arms. God, he wants to. He needs to comfort you, but he knows you’ll push him away.
"I put my own feelings aside to let you live your dream," you sniff, hiding your face in your hands. Jungkook’s vision blurs as his eyes fill with unshed tears.
"I was going to ask you to marry me," Jungkook whispers, followed by an awkward chuckle. When you lift your tear-filled eyes to meet his, he shrugs. "The day you left me... I was going to ask you to be my wife."
And it’s too much to bear. You break in tears as he looks away, wiping his cheek. He hates seeing you cry. He hates being unable to comfort you like he used to.
“I didn’t plan to see you again when I came back. I was scared to find out you were happily married to someone who wasn’t me.” He continues, eyes fixed on an empty soju bottle half-buried in the sand. “But I saw you at Hyesun’s wedding and… fuck, you were so pretty.”
“Stop.” You shake your head, taking a step back because it’s probably too much to hear but he takes a deep breath and close the distance.
"I knew I had to try, Nabi," he says, cupping your face in his hands. "Because there’s no one else for me but you."
"Jungkook," you protest weakly, trying to push him away half-heartedly.
"Stop fighting it," he whispers, pressing his forehead to yours. "Tell me you want this too."
"I…” You start but Jungkook muffles your next words with a kiss.
He isn’t trying to force you, but when you kiss him back, he pulls you closer. The kiss tastes of salt, from your tears and his. Jungkook has kissed many girls after you, but none of them ever made him feel like this. He softly nips at your bottom lip, creating a gap to slide his tongue into your mouth, meeting yours. It’s a passionate kiss, desperate. He wants you to feel how much he needs you. When you relax into him, your fingers threading through his hair and pulling him closer, he smiles against your mouth. But when the need for air becomes overwhelming, he reluctantly pulls back, his nose nuzzling against yours.
"Stay with me tonight. Don’t go home," he murmurs, gently wiping the remnants of your tears from your cheeks.
When you nod, his smile widens, and he pulls you into a tight hug, his nose buried in your hair. He missed your warmth. He missed how right it felt to have you in his arms. He doesn’t know how long you stayed like that, but when the cold started to bite at your skin, he pulled back. Grabbing both of your things, he offered his hand to you, which you shyly took. He couldn’t hide his excitement at the thought of keeping you with him tonight.
"You’re not walking straight," you chuckle as you make your way to his hotel.
"I’m drunk, Nabi. Sue me," he jokes, his fingers intertwined with yours as he playfully bumps his shoulder against yours.
Jungkook didn’t rush you once you were in his room. He handed you a fresh pair of joggers and one of his shirts while he waited, sneaking glances at the bathroom door. He even turned off his phone to make sure nothing interrupted your time together. When you came out of the bathroom, he smirked. He had gotten bigger since the last time you borrowed his clothes, and now you looked like a kid in oversized clothing. He found it adorable.
“What?” you ask looking down at your outfit, straightening your shirt –well, his.
"Nothing," he shrugs, still smirking.
Your nose is still slightly rosy from crying earlier, but somehow, it adds to your charm, Jungkook thinks. He gets up and grabs his clothes from the sofa, heading to the bathroom.
“Make yourself comfortable,” he says softly as he walks past you.
Jungkook needs to calm down. He closes the bathroom door and takes a deep breath before jumping in place with excitement. He takes off his shirt and turns to the mirror, grinning at his reflection.
Alright. Breathe. Play it cool. She’s the same, Jungkook.
He pinches his lips together to stop himself from smiling too widely. He feels like he’s seventeen again, on his first date with you. He never thought you’d let him spend more time with you, let alone kiss you like that. He takes another deep breath and looks down at his pants.
“Don’t embarrass me,” he murmurs to himself before turning on the water, excited to join you again, to hold you in his arms.
When he steps out of the bathroom, his damp hair falling over his forehead and neck, he finds you sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling on your phone.
“Are you hungry? We can order something to eat,” Jungkook suggests, closing the distance between you.
“No,” you say, locking your phone and tossing it on the bed. “But if you are, you can—”
“I’m not hungry,” Jungkook cuts in, putting his hands on his hips.
Both of you stare at each other in silence. It’s awkward, and neither of you knows what to say. Jungkook clears his throat nervously, and you giggle when he hums a tune, making him frown slightly and turn to you. Then, out of nowhere, you burst into laughter, falling back onto the bed, your hands on your stomach.
“What’s so funny, huh?” He smiles, amused, as you cover your mouth with your hand, shaking your head.
“Sorry,” you giggle, trying to calm yourself. “It’s just weird. What are we, sixteen? Why are you so nervous?”
Your laughter makes his smile grow as he cages you with his arms, placing both hands on either side of your body.
“You’re mocking me, seriously, Nabi?” he teases with a grin as you sit up, shaking your head.
“Sorry, sorry,” you say, pressing your lips together to stop smiling, then lift your eyes to meet his.
Jungkook’s eyes widen when your puppy-like gaze locks with his. He swallows, leaning closer, dying to kiss you, but he doesn’t want to push it. You smile at his nervousness, and he knows you can read his thoughts—just like you always did. For the first time, you close the distance and press your lips to his.
The only contact is your mouths. His fists grip the sheets on either side of you, trying to resist the urge to touch you more. But your hands trail up his arms to cup his face, pulling him closer. His resolve crumbles the moment your fingers bury themselves in his hair, pulling him down onto the bed with you. He hovers over you, careful not to crush you, one leg between yours as his hands trace the curves of your waist, still over his shirt.
“I’m not made of dust, I won’t crumble and disappear if you touch me.” You laugh against his mouth and he hums shyly.
“I’m not scared of that,” he whispers, trailing kisses along your jaw, his fingers squeezing your hips. “I just... don’t want to get too comfortable and wake up.”
“I’m real,” you reassure him, tilting your head to give him more access to your neck, where he continues to kiss and nip at your skin.
But something feels wrong to him—the way you kiss him hungrily while he kisses you back, passionate yet hesitant. Then it hits him.
“Nabi,” Jungkook murmurs as you continue to kiss his neck and shoulder, your fingers guiding his hand deeper into your joggers. “Y/N.”
“What?” you ask breathlessly, licking your lips as he straightens up, pulling his hand away from your pants.
“I don’t want to have sex with you like a cheap one-night stand,” Jungkook replies, sitting back on his knees and running a hand through his hair.
“What are you talking about?” you frown, leaning on your elbows. “You... don’t want me?”
“Of course I do,” he says, shaking his head. “But you’re acting like I’m just some random guy from a bar.”
You frown, sitting up. He’s afraid he said something wrong.
“That’s not true.”
“It is,” Jungkook sighs. “Fuck... Do you really want me, or are you just horny and I’m the only guy around?”
“Jungkook.” You say, your eyes soften as you cup his face, seeing the hurt on his face. “You’ll never be just convenient for me.”
He takes a deep breath, his tongue poking at his cheek. He wants to believe you. And fuck, if you told him the sky was pink, he’d believe you.
“We can just cuddle and talk if you want,” you suggest, and Jungkook smiles, nodding.
He knew about all the men in your life before you ever told him—Jimin had filled him in. Everyone knows you use physical intimacy to fill the void, and part of him feels responsible. If he had fought harder for you, maybe you wouldn’t have that endless list of guys.
“You’re not them,” you whisper as he pulls you close in bed, your head resting on his arm.
“I know. I was the first,” he teases with a smirk, and you roll your eyes, playfully slapping his chest. He laughs softly, taking your hand and holding it over his heart, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand. “Go on a date with me,” Jungkook says, your noses brushing against each other. “A real one. Not this ‘friendly date’ bullshit.”
“You’re such a hopeless romantic,” you chuckle as he smiles and kisses the tip of your nose.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Jungkook grins, his fingers softly rubbing the back of your hand. “We’ll grab some food and go to the beach tomorrow.”
“We came to see our families,” you remind him with a raised brow.
“I’ll see them after the date.”
Jungkook doesn’t know how long the two of you stay in bed, talking about everything. The sun starts to rise as you fall asleep, your face resting on his shoulder while he plays with your hair. He didn’t like them short at first, but he’s gotten used to it and actually thinks that it suits you now. But for him, you look pretty anyways. He keeps you close against his body, his arms locked around you to be sure that you won’t slip. Brushing his nose against your hair, he takes the time to enjoy your scent. Your perfume is slightly different from the fruity one you had when you two were together. This one is more feminine, more mature. And he likes it.
And when he wakes up later, he still finds you nestled against him, your back pressed against his chest. For a good minute, he has to pinch himself, convinced this is a dream. It feels too right to be real, having you here with him.
Jungkook carefully disentangles himself from you and sits up. His mouth is dry, and he needs to check his phone. After taking his time in the bathroom, he smiles when he sees you still sleeping, cuddling one of the pillows. He sits on the edge of the bed and turns on his phone, immediately bombarded by notifications.
Ignoring most of them, he opens his conversation with Jimin and sends him a message. Jimin knew about his plan all along and asked him to keep him updated. Jungkook types out everything he remembers from the night before—how you fell asleep in his arms, how happy he is. He smiles like a teenager as he types, and Jimin replies almost instantly, saying he’s happy for him. But then the next message makes Jungkook’s smile drop.
FROM: Jiminie
Did you tell her about Hina?
Jungkook sighs, rubbing his face. His fingers hover over the keyboard before he finally types a reply. He had been so focused on you that he forgot about her.
TO: Jiminie
It’s too soon. I just got her back. Let me enjoy this.
Jimin’s answer comes almost immediately and Jungkook groans, frustrated because he knows that his friend is right. His eyes fall back on your sleeping form. You’re going to hate him. He needs to figure out how to handle this little – big- problem. Jungkook knows where his heart is, and it’s right here, with the woman peacefully sleeping in his bed.
FROM: Jiminie
I understand. But you need to tell her before she hears it from someone else. Nabi has the right to know about your fiancée.
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YOU CAN ALREADY READ THE CHAPTER 07 ON KO-FI.
DUST OF US MASTERLIST.
WATTPAD.
KO-FI. (every chapters/drabbles are posted as soon as i'm done writing them.)
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artbyblastweave · 1 day ago
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I was wondering if youd read Hench yet.
I feel like the premise and the start were solid, and the main character's framing of superheroes through a strict environment cost-benefit analysis was interesting.
But it feels weird that in it's criticism of heroes it just sorta...gave villains a pass. Plus the incredibly loose world building, which early on was a strength in establishing the "you know how this works", vibe, but as the book progresses and the plot hinges increasingly on old interpersonal drama, it's suddenly a big gaping hole.
These are my broad criticisms of it, yeah.
Full disclosure- this is the book I was vagueing about a couple months ago, the one where I got annoyed because the back cover copy was pulling the "no ethical consumption under capitalism" card in relation to working as a henchman, in a way I found disingenuous given that many supervillains are on the face of it much, much worse for the world than the average tech start-up- particularly the kind of supervillain with a staff. But I also thought it would be disingenuous to bitch a book out purely on the grounds of its back-cover marketing department copy, so I bought it and read it. And unfortunately the final roundup on that tension appears to be that villains aren't that bad, are they? Maybe even kinda girlboss even!
Bulleted list under the cut!
The opening is strong, and gave me high hopes, specifically because of how it seemed to be aware of these tensions. Anna, our protagonist, opens as a temp in the employ of a sleazy c-list supervillain who's performative in his interest in his staff's wellbeing but doesn't hesitate to put his interns and temps in the meat-grinder for a leg-up; even a decisive loss to an A-list hero is a way to climb the ladder if you're a C-list villain. On the other side you've got superheroes who are horrifyingly cavalier with the lives of anyone they've deemed to be "on the other side." The protagonist is framed collateral damage in the grand idiot melodrama between two sides that don't give a shit about the lives of the little people in distinct but interlocking ways, and that's pretty compelling- particularly because at this point we're still coloring within the lines of the typical genre paradigm! That mutual self-centered apathy, the ways in which people get pigeonholed into specific roles in the melodrama that define and dehumanize them, drove seven seasons of The Venture Brothers, and now we get the tragicomic spin on that dynamic, we get a story told from the perspective of one of the henchmen or random civilians who get callously offed as part of a sight gag about how awful all of these people are!
That's not where it goes, though. @st-just has a pretty great writeup where they point out that for a story driven by the premise of heroes that cause immense collateral damage and use their institutional influence to dodge the consequences, the story is oddly incurious about the level of damage that Leviathan's enormous criminal organization does in the course of its operations; how many people have died because of all those superweapons he's handing out to lower-level villains? It's all oddly bloodless, and it feels like it keeps pulling back at the last second from the protagonist truly suffering moral injury- or from acknowledging that moral injury. Given how much of her plan involves waging psychological warfare on heroes until they snap publicly, there's a bit of an eric-andre-who-would-do-this vibe coming from then pinning that collateral purely on the heroes. I never got a good read on how self-aware the story is about the fact that Anna very, very quickly becomes attached to real tangible power in a way that makes her underdog framing feel extremely hollow; how quickly she becomes like her former boss, arraigning henchmen in the line of fire for the sake of the Grand Plan. One of those stories where it keeps gesturing but I can't tell the extent to which it intends to commit with a sequel.
The worldbuilding, as you mentioned, is an issue, because there's a failure to clarify quickly enough the larger systems that incentivize the heroes and villains- in fact, it often feels like the characters are operating from within different incentive systems, from different settings. The early sections of the book read like a "Silver-Age-taken-seriously" situation, similar to The Venture Brothers- the casual levels of temp-agency integration, card-carrying supervillain-as-tech-start-up boss, and of course, the myopic violence of free-agent cowboy cop vigilantes-slash-celebrities who never get called to account for it. Halfway through there's a pivot and now there's a Draft, capital-D, and it turns out that this has actually been a superhuman registration setting the whole time? "Supervillains" are actually just any superhumans who don't toe the line? "Superheroes" are screened for in middle schools and separated from their families? That's, uh, not completely incompatible with the aforementioned dynamic but it's a bit of a kludge! There are beats that are really great- Quantum relocating from New Zealand for a chance to partner with Supercollider only to end up subordinated for sexist-marketing reasons, the fucked nuclear family shit going on with Flamethrower and his kids and with the Ocean Four- that imply a level of individual career discretion on the part of the heroes that you'd need to do some work to square with whatever pressures are being exerted by the higher powers. It's actually pretty important who's calling the shots here and to what extent! If the climax is predicated on wanting to overthrow the system you need to make that system consistently visible and legible through the rest of the book!
As you mentioned, the book also pivots into there being a deep interpersonal drama that propels the back half; Leviathan turning out to actually be a former superhero who was dramatically wronged in a morally clear-cut way by Supercollider, who murdered his mentor for inside-baseball cape politics reasons and had this covered up. I've got really mixed feelings on this, because although the seeds of something fascinating are here it feels like one of the ways in which the book is hedging itself. Supercollider's callous but genre-standard disregard for hench lives isn't grounds enough to condemn him, no, he also has to have committed some off-duty murders as well, and he's a shitty boyfriend on top of that, he's a supervillain dressed like a superhero. We get Leviathan's justified grievance, and spectacular violence enacted on agents of an obviously evil system, but no up-close-and-personal villainy- he's functionally a hero with a villainous aesthetic (and a smattering of anecdotes about awful shit that he's done, but the story isn't interested in really making us feel it in the way that it is with Supercollider.) There's a beat that I really liked, where Quantum tells Anna that their respective villainous and heroic bosses care far more about beating each other than they do about the women in their lives or anyone else working under them. I think it was a grave misstep that this turned out to not be where the book went; making it so that there actually is a clear-cut good guy and bad guy in the Leviathan/Supercollider conflict, that they're fighting over something that matters, pushes the entire story dangerously close to what I term "Banal Hatswap" territory.
For more of a vibes-based criticism; and easily my most uncharitable; the entire story is written in a register of self-righteousness, and I have a hard time separating what's meant to be the biased viewpoint of the protagonist from what's meant to be the author Displaying The Correct Applause Lights for Twitter. You've got a protagonist who cracks a one-liner about supporting Penal Abolition.... who also puts out a hit on a guy who slowly dies horribly of sepsis as a result. A one-liner about a female superhero's "suspicious WASP" vibes, right before she emotionally manipulates said hero and arranges to have her kid kidnapped. "It's not my job to kinkshame, buuut," right before proceeding to leverage the embarrassing sexual proclivities of a superhero who's roundly characterized as boorish and misogynistic in conjunction with that. Bemoaning how Quantum, a strong heroine of color, is subordinated and put through the wringer by the patriarchal marketing machine, before acting as the major practical driver in the total collapse of said heroine's life. (This one is the one the protag displays the most self-awareness about, which might be related to the subtext that said superheroine is a potential love-interest.) Grandstanding about and predicating the whole plot on how all human life is valuable and villains don't deserve to receive life-changing brutality.... before being party to Quantum's graphically-detailed levels of payback against her shitty ex Supercollider, I mean we're talking like arc 14 Vicky Dallon levels of body horror and violation here, in borderline pornographic detail. All of this feels like either a very clever reproduction of how the very online know how to say all the right things to launder the fact that they constantly do all the wrong ones.... or it's just. an unreconstructed example of the thing. I can't tell, but the back-and-forth bothers me a lot. It's a situation where it becomes super fucking obvious how much Worm benefited from constant alternate-POV interludes; getting any of this from the head of someone other than Anna would go a long way for me.
Ultimately the book heavily depends on my sympathy for overeducated, temporarily embarrassed white collar computer touchers who throw in with evil worldwrecking conglomerates in exchange for dental. Unfortunately I think we all just axiomatically have it coming and superheroes would ideally pulverize way more of us so there's a level on which I was lost from the word go
Now, for the sake of a balanced assessment I'm going to go over a bunch of the ideas in the book that I did think worked really well:
As mentioned, the opening is extremely strong; the nightmare existence of living paycheck to paycheck as a temp, juiced up by the genre-elements, the slice-of-life hardscrabble existence of a woman at the bottom of the economic totem pole constantly having her attempts at a life worth living blown up by her proximity to this nonsense. Having a date break down because you have to drive your maimed henchman friend to the ER is a fucking amazing beat. Unfortunately the narrative moves away from this low-level approach very quickly, because a lot of what's going on with this thing is that it's a specific strain of power fantasy- a significantly-more-competently-executed version of a kind of villain-falls-for-his-hardworking-assistant Wattpad romance. That's not a pejorative or a criticism, just a kind of power fantasy that requires an end-of-act-one escape from the nightmarish mundanity in order to function. But I like the nightmarish mundanity! Bring back the nightmarish mundanity
The book has some great beats about the intersection of superheroics and women's issues. In a nod to the plight of superheroines from the silver-age and earlier, Quantum Entanglement is a superheroine with reality-warping levels of firepower who's constantly forced to downplay her own presence and individuality in order to help juice up the brand of her male partner Supercollider; in the climax it's revealed that this extended to subtly using telekinesis to create the false impression he's capable of independent flight, which is, implicitly, this settings version of Superman's transition to flight from really big jumps. There's a tendency for superheroines to get big power-bumps in conjunction with an arc about succumbing to a very gendered insanity- Malice and Avengers Disassembled being two prominent examples I can think of- and Quantum's eventual break from the monstrous Supercollider feels like commentary on this. In another one-and-done beat you have the heroine Abyssal, whose career is on the verge of being derailed by her third pregnancy; the catch is that she's a member of what's implied to be a family team (think New Wave or the FF) and her pregnancies are laced through with expectations and hopes that the kids will exhibit powers and be able to pad out the roster. By the end of the book she's mentioned to have been permanently benched, and another member of her team is killed "on-screen-" but that's alright! We've got her three kids waiting in the wings! A deeply grim superheroic spin on a very real kind of patriarchal pressure to set your own career aside to perpetuate your family. Compellingly fucked in all the worst ways.
There's a one-off beat about a nursing home for retired superheroes who are having difficulty controlling their powers in their old age, and it's portrayed as a fucking warzone; dementia-ridden psychics and pyrokinetics constantly inadvertently chewing through the staff and causing gigantic disasters. I think the age-based incontinence of superpeople- and the damage they can cause through no fault of their own- is a really underexplored area for superhero deconstructions, one adjacent to a lot of real-life problems faced by caregivers, and often problems that have no good answers. Near and dear to my heart, this particular problem.
The character of Supercollider is compelling down many of the same lines that Homelander is compelling; a "Superman" figure constructed by marketing-department fiat, with no identity of his own, difficult for the characters to sincerely hate in the end simply because it's impossible to determine where the marketing copy indoctrination stops and the hollow shell of a human begins, Surrounded by a meticulously constructed, rotating "Bat Family" extended cast that are his only semblance of human connection despite how immensely distant he is from them in every way that matters; the designated love interest with whom he's going through the motions, an utterly superfluous sidekick he's implied to be grotesquely co-dependent with to the point that his efforts to keep him safe in the field is a major driver of the collateral damage he does. Most of this we get third hand as Anna is mincing his support-system from the outside in, but the implied inside baseball is genuinely gloriously fucked, and I'd love to have seen some of it go down from the inside.
Anyway, 2.5 out of 5. Good ideas and character concepts that desperately needed more room to breathe, fun worldbuilding beats that desperately needed fleshing out to give those ideas and character concepts that room. Genuinely, this should have been a 1.7 million word web serial.
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sparks-and-smoke · 3 days ago
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Chapter 3: Helping Hands
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Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (refered to as Petal) Word Count: 3385 Summary: Steve asks Sam if he can volunteer at his work. Getting his shoe in the door with someone special. This is a soulmate AU, just so we are all aware. Warnings/tropes: smut, oral (male receiving), grief, loss, angst, mental health, PTSD, conspiracy theories, stalking if you squint. Soulmate AU. A/N: Fun Fact, readers last name is Darnell in this because it mean "unknown or secret" This went through a couple different variasons so if tense is weird I'm sorry. English IS my first language. I just suck at it. Beta read by the ever lovely. @voice-of-velhart
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The guilt he felt asking Sam to help him was second only to his driving need to see you. He might have given the parameters of what he was doing more thought if it didn't seem like a necessary evil. To lie to one of his only friends. To manipulate him into getting Steve into your personal space. It was verging on vile and he knew it. His conscious was eating him alive, but he didn't know what else to do.
"I'm honestly surprised you even have time to volunteer man. Doesn't all that SHIELD shit keep you pretty busy?" Sam had been talking but Steve wasn't listening. Preoccupied with the sweat forming on his palms and the shake in his fingers. Every step they took brought him closer to you. Closer to either setting things right or ruining his life.
"Ah, yeah well. Everybody needs a sense of community right? I'm just trying to find mine. You try making friends with a bunch of spies and secret agents. Not exactly confidant material." He kept his tone light, his usual polite air covering his intentions. In all truth he was only half lying. He really wouldn't mind spending time with other combat vets. Though his faith in the VA as an institution was weak at best. "Besides you're the one that encouraged me to come."
Sam scoffed, giving his friend the side eye. "I suggested group sessions. Not volunteering in the housing division."
But she is in the housing division. It's an easy in. Steve only shrugged, "I find peace in helping others."
They made their way across the campus. Being greeted by the occasional coworker, or passersby. Voices murmuring as they trailed off to the building on the far end of the green. It was sinking in that there was a high likelihood he couldn't do this unrecognized. There was really no avoiding that, but… How would his sweet girl react to meeting someone the way he was now.
You had always been fiery and confident in their day, something that drew his pensive personality to you like a month to a flame. But had time changed that.. What if being near someone who had been genetically modified scared you or made you uncomfortable. He couldn't handle a rejection before this even began. He couldn’t begin to know what he would say or how he should act. Should he charm you, or should he stand off and let her come to him? Did he even have the restraint?
How had he done it the first time? That was the problem wasn't it. Because the first time around you had picked him. Sure he was bigger now, conventionally more attractive but he was still the same introverted knot-head he had always been. You had been the one to approach him then, you were the one asking questions and making his ears burn when you called him handsome. He had no clue how you found it charming then, he highly doubted it would be charming now. He needed to be smooth, he needed to be charming and friendly and not like the nervous desperate fool he felt like right now.
They made it to the large red brick building on the far side of campus and Steve was starting to feel exposed. Like this was a bad idea. He found himself fidgeting, smoothing back his hair and adjusting his jacket. Petal had always like him in brown leather. Hopefully that was still true now..
"Are you good? You got somewhere to be?"
Sam's retort pulled him from his grooming. "Yeah maybe. Who knows. I've always had a thing for a cute nurse."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah sure. Says the man that has turned down every opportunity I have shot your way for months now."
"Maybe you just don't know my type." Sam just rolled his eyes as he help open the door. They went about their tour. Meeting the orderly and getting the weekly schedule and where they could use help with activities and outings. Steve payed the closest attention to Monday-Thursday when he knew you were working. He did his best to remain respectful and give the orderly his full attention as he spoke up his eyes were constantly roaming looking for that distinctive head of hair…
As they walked Sam held most of the conversation to make up for Steve's apparent daze. They walked into a small hallway with a few doors, each leading to different departments. Nursing, mental health, physical therapy. They passed a door that led to a small garden where veterans sat, chatting on benches, and another one that looked like a rec room. A massive almost gymnasium like structure with open sky lights and an open floor. Clearly, most of the building funding had gone toward places like this.
Steve gave a low whistle hand in his pockets as he looked around, his body spinning slowly as his gaze wondered. "They didn't look like this when I was serving…" He stopped in his tracks. There you were. Off at one of the tables talking to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Your hair pushed back with a headband.
The world melted away. Not only was it you, and you were gorgeous as ever, but you looked so much happier than he left you in the 40's. You were healthier, more relaxed and calm in conversation with the man. You were happy here; without him. His heart squeezed painfully, but it was OK. You were happy.
He had the sudden urge to leave, to tell Sam to go and that he would come back another day… and then he heard you laugh. A real laugh for the first time in seventy years. He whipped back around, his eyes wide and locked onto you. All other thoughts faded, all he could see was you.
Steve was frozen, it was like his very being had short circuited. Finally your eyes caught his and his heart stopped. It was like a shock of electricity through his body. In that moment it was as if the war never happened, as if you had never lost each other at all. But just like that your gaze passed over him and you returned to the man, as if you hadn’t even seen him. Maybe you didn’t. But Steve knew he couldn’t move, was completely frozen watching you.
Sam gave him a nudge, “You OK brother?”
But Steve didn’t answer. His soul hurt so much he felt unable.
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You could feel eyes on you, they were impossible to ignore. Glancing over to the doors you could see Sam Wilson and your head nurse talking to another tall man that seemed roughly familiar but you couldn't really place, maybe he was a family member or a vet here? Or a vet himself just here to provide company which was encouraged in the therapy sessions…
Either way it didn’t seem like the blonde was listening. Because he was staring out into the room with a look that could only be deceived as heartbreaking. Somewhere between hope and devastation.
His gaze locked on yours and you gave an encouraging smile. Trying to be warm as the man's face drained of color. Was he looking for someone? had he just been given bad news? You rose to her feet deciding to check on him when Lt. Nelson tapped your hip.
Leaning down you listened to what he had to say. "I served with him. That's Captain Steven Rogers, I would know him anywhere. I haven't seen him since Italy…"
“Do you think so?” You knew the name. Hell, everyone knew the name between the Smithsonian exhibit and the coverage in the news and tabloids it was a household name. Steve Rogers, Captain America, The world mightiest hero. It wasn't the craziest thing you had heard from a resident today. But, it wouldn't be the first time the Lieutenant had mistaken a visitor for someone from his glory days, and while you would never correct him. You tried not to encourage it either.
Superhero’s don’t come here, was you're first thought, but you didn't have the heart to say that, instead you told him. “Well why don’t I go say hello, and maybe you're right.” Rubbing Mr. Nelson’s shoulder warmly before watching over to Sam and the stranger.
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You came closer and closer until Steve could see you clearly. All the details he had forgotten were there, the way your nose scrunched when you smiled and the way your eyes would sparkle with happiness or mischief. It was all he could do not to drop to his knees and beg her to remember him.
But then you were in front of them, you eyes on Sam, a soft smile and he felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under him again. “Sam! Long time no see, whose you're friend?"
Sam slung an arm around Petal, giving you a warm hug. Which you returned with a gusto that Steve knew all too well. Those hugs were warm, and snug, and you always lingered just long enough to make you feel important and safe..
"This is my friend Steve. He was hoping to come hang out with you and the old dogs a few times a month, ain't that right Cap?"
Steve shoved down the green monster rising in his gut at the hug and plastered a lopsided smile on his face. "That's right." he stated dumbly, his tongue feeling too big for his mouth.
"Oh, well that's nice of you. Were you in the service sir?" Their it was again. Sir. Not Steve or Stevie, but sir. The title you give to a respected stranger. Felt like fish hook in the gut. You were trying to be polite but all it did was make him want to evacuate his stomach on the checkered tiles.
He swallowed down the bile rising in his throat with a smile. "Yes, a captain in the army."
”Nice to meet you Captain,” you held out your hand to shake Steve’s. He took your hand, savoring your grip and your soft skin on his hand. He felt that soft wave of recognition buzz over his skin. One soulmate touching another, it wasn't the electric rapture that overcame you the first time you touched you're other half. It was that old familiar whirring under the skin that came with every contact with his girl. His eyes shot up to see if you recognized the feeling. Nothing
“The pleasure’s…” He had meant to to come off suave but his voice cracked and he cleared his throat to try again, “The pleasure’s all mine.” He felt like an idiot and his chest felt like might swing open and the contents would fall out, but he knew he had to be strong.
When you responded with a welcome smile, he felt maybe everything might be alright. He tried not to notice how perfectly your hand fit in his, though his brain instantly comparing the sizes and the way his palm dwarfed hers. Your handshake was warm, and he could have held you forever, but you took your hand back far too soon.
“Come on,” you said, smiling and lighting up the room. “I’ll show you around and we can discuss volunteering a little.”
Steve and Sam followed you, looking around as you introduced them to a few of the veterans that were sitting and chatting around. You seemed to know them all, giving nicknames to each one with a loving, familiar smile. Steve wasn't surprised by how easily you could make anyone feel like they were a friend. You had always been that way, Like when your eye's landed on someone you were actually seeing you and not just a face. you smile lit the room and he was so enchanted he let his guard down. Talking to vets and being recognized, if you were shocked you didn't show it. You just let him become part of the goings on.
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You left the Captain to talk to Mr. Nelson. Smiling to you're self when they pulled out the checkers board and you made you're way back to Sam.
"So… THAT is Captain America?"
Sam laughed, watching the interaction between the Captain and the old vet.
“He’s a good guy, a little outdated and hard to get to know… but don’t let him intimidate you, he’s a marshmallow on the inside and he can be…charming… on occasion.”
"He seems.. melancholy?" you search for the word. Sad didn't seem right but there was this vague sense of otherness to Steve that almost comes off him in waves.
"Wouldn't you be? The man lost everything he's ever known. Was woken up only to be thrown into another fight… He probably needs therapy. But I think you would be hard pressed to get a man like him in a session. So, community is gonna have to do for now."
You consider that for a moment as Steve's gaze meets yours one more time. He does seem a like happier now that he is here. But you still see that flicker of something indescribable whenever he is left to his own thoughts. You may not know combat but you knows that feeling. That lost drifting feeling that settles on the bones after soldiers come home. You had seen it in the eyes of a least a hundred men.
You wished he would let Sam actually help him.
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Steve did his best to focus on the game with the Lt. He really did. But when his petal was standing right there in your cute pink scrubs who could blame a man for being distracted.
"She is a cutie, let me tell you what." Nelson murmured with a smile as he took another of Steve's pieces.
Nelson gave him the look of a man that had a keen nose for bullshit. "Nurse Darnell. You've only been looking at her like she is made of sugar for the last 20 minutes."
Steve chuckled, trying to play it off. "She is very attractive yes."
"Then why are you wasting time talking to an old fart like me."
"I don't know if your aware of this pal but I am just as much of an old codger as you are."
Nelson shakes his head, his deep baritone laugh rumbling in that old smokers chest. "Naw, you may have been born the same year as me son, but you're still a young man inside. I know you feel out of place. But we all did when we came home."
Steve knew what he was saying was right, and that Nelson was trying to give him an out to go and ask his petal out. But Steve was still scared to death. "I don't know if I am ready for all that."
"You'll never know if you don't try son."
When Steve pushed up from his chair Sam and petal where no where to be found. He searched the room and came up empty. "You looking for me?"
Her warm voice trickled down his spine and made him smile. "Yes, I was. Do you have coffee in this place."
"Do we have coffee?" You sounded almost indignant. "You are aware this is a VA correct. And that we service exclusively military personnel and veterans… Yes we have coffee. Stiff enough to float a brick on."
Steve smiled at that, the grin lighting up his face. We are talking, she's talking to me… "Just how I like it."
You lead him off to the little coffee bar in the corner of the rec room, the one that is attached to the kitchen where all the meals are served, "Here we are." You pump a mug full out of a carafe and hands it over, "might be a little cold. Hopefully not."
"I'm sure it is just fine." He assures and takes a sip, it was in fact cold be he could not give less of a shit as long as you keeps talking to him. "It's perfect."
"Mhhm…" you looked like you didn't believe that for a moment but didn't say anything. "So how are you finding modern living, Captain Rogers?"
"Steve, please." He did his best to keep the pleading from his voice but if you called him Sir again he was gonna throw something. "And I'm… I'm finding it. It's different from home but most places are. And its better then the trenches so I guess I'm fine."
"I feel like there is a major difference between 1940's Brooklyn and the trenches Mr- uh Steve." You seemed to catch yourself. It was just one more reminder of how he had lost everything and even now with you right in front of him he was lost.
"Well yeah, but I have to find the good where I can. The food is good, the cars are fast, information at your fingertips anywhere and everywhere. The future isn't so bad…" He was rambling. And he knew it. But he didn’t know how to stop the words. You, his sweet girl, were right in front of him. And he could touch you. He could pull you into his into him, hold you close and sweep you off you're feet like he should have been able to 70 years ago if he hadn't been a fool. Taste your pretty lips again. Hear you say “I love you” with that laugh at the end, like always did.
It was taking every ounce of dignity and strength he had not to do it.
"What do you hate about it?"
That broke him from his daydream. "I'm sorry what?"
"What do you hate about the modern world? When I first moved from New York to DC i hated the way people talk. Back home everyone talks fast and straight to the point. No one sugar coats anything and you know precisely where you stand. Here, everything is niceties and small talk. It still drives me crazy sometimes, but I've gotten used to it." You swirl the tea in your mug. "So, what drives you crazy? What can't you stand."
He wanted to say he could not stand the distance between them. The fact that you did not know him. That the love between them was gone. That they had spent so much time apart, years where they could have been building a family together.
“Too much choice.” He said with a smile as he tried to hide the sadness in his eyes. “Back in the 40’s there were about 2 radio channels, you had one ice cream place to go to and movies were 15 cents a pop. People have hundreds if choices now. It's pretty overwhelming. Everything, is buzzing and moving and changing constantly. I can't keep up.”
She hadn't expected that answer but it made sense. "You'll like it here then. Our own little bubble her at the living center. You can stop in for a change of pace whenever you want."
The way you said 'our' and 'you' gave him a jolt of hope. "So, I can come back and help out when I can?" he asked casually.
"Oh, of course you are more then welcome. It benefits everyone don't you think? Plus I can always use the extra hands." You say and give him a grin that makes his whole day worth it.
Steve thought the grin on his face was permanent, he did not even notice his cheeks starting to ache. There was a warm feeling in his chest and he felt a calmness wash over him the longer he was in you're company.
"You got a pen I can borrow Pet?" He said as an idea came to mind.
You pulled an ink pen out of her breast pocket and handed it to him. "Sure."
He took the pen and took a napkin and quickly jotted down his number. "Here," he hands her the napkin back with a lopsided boyish smile, "for next time, you know, when I can help out."
Captain America just gave you his phone number on a napkin. You couldn't help but grin at how cute and old fashioned that was. He looked so boyish and shy, you just had to tease him. "Just for work?"
Tag List: @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers, @delilah-hey @tldrthor @littlestxli @otterlycanadian @moviegurl2002
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patisseriu · 2 days ago
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he tasted of dark chocolate || hts
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univ!taesan x gn!reader
genre : strangers to ???
wc : ~2.1k
cw & tw : late night walks, exam period, riwoo and leehan are taesans edgy little friend group; bad influence, cigarettes - both taesan and y/n smoke here(smoking is bad don't smoke please), implied over the legal age; y/n supposedly has quit smoking but taesan is being a hot influencing asshole ppl loooove taesan badboy agenda don’t they. y/n is mentioned to be shorter than taesan, and is kinda cocky in the beginning. there's swearing. lots of internal monologue. use of real names.
no pronouns used; full lowercase intended; proofread
main character names are italicised
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you loved these little moments when the sky had just turned dark, the dark-purple veil taking over the silver clouds, making them nearly impossible to tell apart from one another. sun was nowhere to be seen since the passing streetlights were the ones responsible for playing with your shadow now, casting it in different directions as you kept walking.
its been a long week. you just finished studying for the exams taking place tomorrow. you still wondered what luck it took for the two of your most important classes to have exams on the same day, back to back. you were a lot more excited for the following whole month of a break than frying the remaining bits of your brain over the final academic push. maybe you weren't all that confident in your knowledge even after the whole weekend worth of studies. or maybe you were overdoing it and pushing your mind in a corner.
either way, that didn't matter now. you didn't want it to matter.
you focused on the cold air you inhaled, wanting to float away from all the worries along with the wind particles that ruffled your hair.
it snowed just last week, giving you hopes for a prettier imagery during your testing period, but the continuous forecast of rain and warmer temperatures melted everything down, leaving nothing but a slight shine on the road and a humid hint in the air.
and as you immersed yourself more in the atmosphere, the one thing that made you snap back from your thoughts was the appearance of a persisting bitter smell. you open your eyes.
in front of you, a group of three boys were making their way in the same direction as you were, completely barricading the entirety of a thin alleyway as they all walked beside one another. the three were dressed in same dark colors, beanies over their heads, and the shorter guy on the right side even turned over his shoulder for moment and gave you a tense eye. seems about the typical public to walk around these times. you turned your head and looked around, feeling like you shouldn't have looked up in the first place.
but you wish it was as easy to switch your attention with just a head turn. a wave of a sharp, acrid scent mixed with the crisp night air stung the walls of your nose. it was so familiar. though you tried to bury it in the fragments of your memory, there were times when you yourself would be in their shoes; inhaling a chestful of smoke after along day that felt like it would never end, the bitter burn of nicotine hitting your throat like flames.
you didn’t need to look up again to know the source. it quite literally was all around their presence - the smoke of cheap cigarettes, ones that burned too quickly and with too much force.
by the time you were shaking yourself mentally out of it, the casted shadows of the group before you were already actively whispering between each other, giving you over the shoulder looks until all three had glared at you at least once. great. if you didn't feel weird before now you definitely were.
you tucked your hands into the pockets of your jacket and tried to keep your pace steady, swallowing, eyes still down on the asphalt. but that was only for a couple more seconds or so, until the boys had seemed to stop their pace and turn your way.
"hey," the guy in the middle, clearly the 'leader' of their little gang, was trying to get your attention. unexpected. you really wished to be able to just pass by, you didn't want any tension or problems, especially on a relatively empty street, sky getting darker every second. you really tried making it look like you didn't pay that much mind, until getting uncomfortably close and having to stop. you tilted your head up, not enough to meet gazes just yet, as looking at them directly seemed like a death wish at the very moment.
"got somewhere to be?" his voice was teasing, eyebrows raised at you sternly ignoring him for as long as you could. his question hung in the air like the smoke curling from the corner of his lips.
you really panicked for a moment, unsure of what to say.
"just passing through," you replied, voice steady despite the uneasy thrum in your chest. did that sound stupid? obviously you weren't following them. self doubts climbed up your skin along with the shivers. you kept your eyes on the leader, sensing he was the one who mattered most in this interaction. hell, you almost felt like breathing too much could've turned out the wrong way for you.
his lips curled at your answer, not quite a smirk, but close enough. "passing through, huh?" he echoed, as if tasting the words. did it really sound that stupid? you felt almost embarrassed at this point. doing your best to keep your form, you finally brought your eyes to examine the guy's face.
god, was he tall. his shoulders seemed especially broad with the unzipped puffer jacket resting on his shoulders, and height was hyperbolized by the below-average sized guy next to him. as your eyes crawled up to take apart his face, in the matter of seconds you noted the uniqueness of his features, his sharp jawline and plump lips that just finished letting go of a grey ribbon of smoke. his mimic seemed almost like one of a hand-drawn character, eyebrows especially expressive.
you felt so small, unrealistically small, nearly a whole meter smaller than him. a weird feeling continued spreading all across your body, so fast you couldn't even tell what it was.
you weren't the only one observing a stranger - while the tallest man was clearly staring back at you, his other two partners were doing just the same, but instead of your face they were more taking apart the details of your outfit.
standing so close to them and the recently released cloud of smoke just got in your head further, making it surprisingly difficult for you to feel like the whole situation wasn't just a part of your imagination or a hazy dream.
"do you smoke?"
what an ironic fucking question. the universe might have just been testing you right now. you had to take a second and blink to make sure this wasn't your brain talking.
"if you're sharing."
how pathetic.
how. fucking. pathetic.
the words just left your mind as if you turned back time, as if the whole period of quitting didn't even happen.
the man seemed to be in complete awe at your response, though. his lips parted, and eyebrows raised even higher. somehow he combined the expression of a subtle gasp with a smirk, clearly liking the way you spoke to him, how confident you seemed in the words, even if in reality you really weren't.
he looked at the two boys standing beside him, motioning something with his head, followed then by the two nodding and continuing to walk forward in the direction you all were going to initially, already finding themselves busy enough with a topic to discuss.
he used the one hand with a glowing, nearly-spent cigarette to hold up the the fabric of his jacket, so he could reach into the inner pocket and offer a brand new one to you. "be my guest"
if you're this far in, and the man in front of you is that good looking, there isn't much that could convince you to back off now. this isn't your proudest move.
you take the cigarette with a nod as a polite 'thanks', resting the fragile cylinder between the two of your fingers and bringing it closer to your lips.
you expected for him to also take out the lighter by now, but after shifting your focus for just a mere moment, you were only met with him inches closer to your face, the smoldering bud now pressed between his lips.
that was the exact second you felt it - your heart was beating at a pretty crazy pace. holy shit. your fingers were on the edge of shaking from the adrenaline in your veins, but you could probably shrug it off on the cold or the nicotine itself.
you knew exactly what to do, and the desire to keep your cool moved your head forward, the burning tip of his cigarette meeting the edge of yours with precision. a deep inhale and the faint crackle of the ember lit your own, sound filling the silence between you, something so quiet and gentle yet impossibly loud in the moment.
you swear his pupils dilated more with each second before you backed off to let out the first puff of bitter smoke. you felt disgusting. but yours probably got just as big in the moment. the heat seemed to be hitting not only your throat but also inching somewhere deeper. was it the same kind of heat? it's been too long for you to understand, and too many emotions were taking over you at the moment.
"I'm dongmin" with a soft smile and a draw from what's left of his bud, he extended his free hand out to you for a handshake, to which you did the same.
"y/n"
he looked at you with a smile, so mellow and cute, practically melting off the 'scary guy' image off his face. and you noticed it before he seemed to try and shrug it off right as he caught himself on it, suddenly starting to pace forward once again, you followed right after.
maybe it wasn't just you trying to make yourself look cool in front of the other for an impression.
"other two are donghyun and sanghyeok." he kept staring off into their backs, already significantly far that they couldn't hear any of his words, without trying to be quiet. "they're nicer than they look." he turned to you, the revealed tenderness still in the notes of his suppressed expression. it felt.. genuine.
you smiled back, walking beside one another in comfortable silence for a few moments, only the sound of your footsteps and the occasional inhale of smoke filling the air.
as the cigarette burned down to its last embers, your guilt was somewhere long forgotten, and the other two boys in the distance already seemed to walk off the other way, the two of you had made your way right to the entrance of your dorm without really thinking about it, filled with all kinds of conversations and facts about one another. both of your phone numbers already in the contacts of another. the cool night air had settled around you both, and you stood there for a moment, unsure of how to put the point you had in mind the whole time.
"you know, maybe we all are 'nicer than we look'" you quoted dongmin's words from the very beginning of your chat, and he felt a pang of surprise at you recalling his words. surely, by the way he shyly smiled and led his eyes away for a moment, you could tell he did find that bit of your words truthful. his exaggerated coolness slowly coming off, revealing a faint pink shade over his cheeks, so light it almost had a pastel-like quality.
and while you were busy noticing such details about him, all warm and fuzzy in your feelings, you didn't notice how dongmin stepped closer. there was no hesitation in his movement, and before you could process it, his hand was at the back of your neck, pulling you in gently.
the kiss was soft, exploratory, like he was tasting the moment, tasting you. it was nothing like you expected, no rushed desperation, only a slow, lingering connection that felt entirely new. his lips were utterly bitter, but had a distinct note - he tasted of dark chocolate.
the moment felt fleeting, and ended just as carefully and gently as it started. after a shared smile, you stayed a little longer for a tight hug, before waving goodbye and him observing the door behind you close.
the whole evening still felt like a haze - your head was dizzy from the warmness of your feelings, everything inside you fluttered and a smile was impossible to erase from your face as you rode up the elevator; you wondered if he felt the same way, walking back to his place.
you were looking forward to tomorrow, and the day after; to more things to share about yourself, more things to learn about him; and eventually, after some while, watch him chuckle at you confessing you agreed to smoke just to continue a conversation with him, and appear cooler.
maybe you share more than it seemed, and the things that brought you closer might have been just equally pretentious.
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ayawriteshsr · 1 day ago
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Hi! It's okay if I ask you for Jing Yuan x fem reader, friends to lovers? Like they knew each other from their teen years and their love started to develop when Jing Yuan became a general. But after that the reader had to go to fulfill a mission and she disappeared? How will he react? Maybe he will overwork himself or something like that?
A couple of years after all situations with his friends and master, he gets information that the reader is still alive and they already arrived on Luofu, still loving him.
Have nice day/ night^^
Pairing: Jing Yuan x Fem!Reader Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Fluff Warnings: Mentions of loss, mission-based separation, and emotional turmoil
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The storm was always there.
It wasn’t just the storm in the sky—the flashes of lightning that struck the distant horizon or the rumbles of thunder that shook the earth. No, the storm that Jing Yuan felt was something far deeper. It was the quiet ache that settled beneath his ribs, an emptiness he could never escape, not even as the winds howled through the Luofu and the rain battered the palace windows.
He had known her since their youth. Her laughter had always been a light in the darkness, a contrast to his quiet intensity. She had been the one person who understood him without a word, the one person who made everything feel easy when the world around them was anything but.
When they were teenagers, the bond between them had been as natural as breathing. They had shared everything: their dreams, their fears, their hopes for the future. Jing Yuan had never questioned their friendship, never wondered what it might be beyond the shared moments and gentle teasing. He had simply loved her, in the purest form of love a person could offer to a friend.
But as they grew older, the distance began to pull them apart. Jing Yuan could feel the change, subtle at first, like the first flicker of light on the horizon before a storm. The moment he became a general, the weight of his title dragged him away from everything that once mattered. His responsibilities grew, the expectations placed on his shoulders becoming heavier with every passing day. And she, ever the mysterious one, was swept into a mission that would take her far from his reach.
He never thought it would be the last time he’d see her.
The days that followed her departure bled together in a blur of paperwork, meetings, and strategy. Time became irrelevant. Months passed, and the reports that came in about her mission grew increasingly vague, the details lost to shadow. The uncertainty ate at him, gnawing away at his composure, but he never allowed himself to show it. A general couldn’t afford to be distracted, especially not by something as personal as fear.
Still, the nights were the hardest. The long hours he spent in his office, poring over reports and strategies, were always followed by quiet, sleepless nights where the absence of her presence felt like a gaping hole in his chest. He missed her—her laughter, her light, the way she would challenge him without even trying. He missed the way she would roll her eyes at his seriousness, how she would steal food from his plate and then offer him an exaggerated apology. He missed her in a way he couldn’t put into words.
And then there were the dreams. She would appear to him in flashes, a shadow in the distance, a whisper of a memory. Her voice would call his name, and he would wake up with the taste of salt on his tongue, the echo of her laughter ringing in his ears.
He had told himself, for years, that she would return. She had to. But as the months turned to years, Jing Yuan began to wonder if that hope was nothing more than a lie he told himself to keep the storm inside at bay.
He threw himself into his work, losing himself in the daily grind of being a leader. But even as his title demanded more of him, even as his duties pulled him deeper into the weight of the Luofu, the storm inside him never ceased. It never abated.
And so he worked, endlessly, tirelessly, until he could no longer see straight, until his exhaustion became a mask he wore so expertly that no one dared to question it. After all, a general had to be strong.
But inside, Jing Yuan was breaking.
Two years had passed. Two years of uncertainty. Two years of nothing.
But one morning, after hours of poring over documents, Jing Yuan’s communicator buzzed with an unfamiliar notification. He had grown used to the constant flow of messages—routine reports, letters from allies, the demands of his position. But this one was different.
It was a text. From an unknown number.
His fingers hovered over the screen, and for a moment, he questioned whether to open it. But curiosity won out, and he tapped the message open.
“Chin up, storm boy.”
The words hit him like a sudden gust of wind, sharp and cold, a rush of memories flooding back. Storm boy?. It had been so long since he’d heard that phrase, so long since she’d called him that in that teasing, gentle way.
He stared at the screen for a long time, the words blurring before his eyes. His heart pounded in his chest as he let out a shaky breath, barely daring to believe what he was reading. The message wasn’t just a whisper in the wind; it was real. She was alive.
Before he could type a response, another message appeared:
“I’m still here, Ji. I’ll find my way back to you, no matter how long it takes.”
The words were simple, but they were everything. In that moment, the storm in his chest began to quiet, the winds dying down just enough for him to breathe. He wasn’t alone anymore.
He stood up, his hand trembling as he stared at the screen, still unsure whether to believe what had just happened. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because she was still out there. And if she was still out there, then there was hope. He wasn’t just a general, a leader of armies. He was someone who had loved and been loved in return. And that love hadn’t died.
He couldn’t deny it any longer. She was coming back to him.
Days passed, and though he told himself he wouldn’t show it, Jing Yuan couldn’t shake the feeling of anticipation that gripped him. His steps were lighter, his mind clearer. Every corner he turned, every shadow he passed, his heart would race, praying that she would be there. The unknown number remained silent, the waiting game between them stretching on.
When she finally arrived, it was as if the world itself paused.
Her figure appeared in the doorway of his office—familiar, but different. The time apart had marked her, just as it had marked him. But the moment their eyes met, the storm in his chest broke free. No words were needed.
He moved toward her, his hands trembling as he reached for her, pulling her into his arms. She was warm, real, solid beneath his touch. She was alive.
For a long moment, they simply stood there, wrapped in the embrace that neither of them had ever truly let go of.
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letmelickyoureyeballs · 2 days ago
Text
Yummy Yummy Eye
Finally indulged in my fantasy of licking Silco's mutated eye and decided to write a reader insert fic of it.
Not beta read, and can also be found on AO3 here.
Word Count: 2.6k
Relationships: Silco x You, Silco x GN!Reader
Tags: Eye Sex, Eye Licking, No Smut/Sex, But heavily suggestive, Some Fluff, Shimmer, Inappropriate Use of Shimmer, I guess?, Trust, Biting kink, Only mentioned though, Established Relationship, Teasing, Suggestive Themes
Summary: You’ve been dying to lick Silco’s mutated eye since the first time you both met.
A couple of months later and after some slight conversation with him, it looks like you’ll finally get your wish, and it'll help ease that itch inside you that desires the unknown.
You couldn’t stop staring at his eye. The brilliant orange and black that it was. You just needed to do this. To curb the itch that just wouldn’t go away.
Just one little lick. One little taste and it’ll all be good.
Gods you were salivating at the thought. This desire had been hounding you since the moment you had met Silco in all his intimidating glory.
A chance encounter when you decided to drink at The Last Drop and found yourself entranced by the striking man smoking a cigar in the far dark corner of the bar. What hooked you first though was his glowing orange and black eye that seemed to be staring through you. You weren’t one to waste an opportunity and had decided to join him at his table.
With a little talking and some exchange of ideals, you both hit it off fairly well. 
Now months later found you both in an intense relationship of power and trust, with you currently sitting on his office’s couch, watching him read over reports at his desk. His damaged eye occasionally flickered a brighter shade of orange when something piqued his interest.
The Shimmer has to add some flavor. Hmm, fruity perhaps? No, no maybe salty with some spice? Would he even let me try?
A deep sigh brought you out of your musings, and you glanced up to see Silco staring at you with a hint of amusement and annoyed curiosity.
“As much as I generally love your undivided attention, I am trying to work at the moment. I can see that you’re thinking about something, so please, spit it out already.”
While the words were a bit sharp, you knew intrigue was overtaking the displeasure of being interrupted while working.
You glanced down at your hands, fiddling with a book you had given up reading a while ago, as you tried to stay nonchalant. Silco would instantly know if you tried to lie or avoid the question, so there was no use in bothering to bypass it. Besides this relationship was deeply built on trust and loyalty, and you weren’t about to forsake that. With a small hum and shrug of your shoulders, you replied almost boredly, “Just curious about your eye.”
Silco put down his pen and leaned back in his chair, the leather creaking softly in the otherwise quiet room. Whatever annoyance he had before melted away as deep curiosity took place with a slight gleam and flash of orange in his eye.
“You already know how it came to look this way, and the burdens that came along with it.” A slight tilt of his head as he stared at you questioningly. “What more can be ascertained from it?”
Usually, you had no qualms about what you asked about. Both of you had been open books with each other once the relationship was officially founded. It wouldn’t even be that outrageous of an inquiry compared to past conversations.
But this…felt different. Felt personal in the way that it could be too weird. That Silco may finally deny a request from you. Granted he had also encouraged any weird fantasies either of you had. Zaun knows you were both a little fucked up in the head, especially being from the Undercity. Vanilla was a foreign concept to either of you.
Yet licking the reminder of why he had become a Chem-Baron? The reminder of the life he had lost? The one noticeable physical weakness that he had? That felt too close to prying open an old wound.
But you knew this conversation would come up sooner or later. You weren’t exactly subtle when it came to your fascination with his eye. He knew how much it riled you up. How much you loved it when it glowed that deep possessive orange that occasionally flickered red. How you stroked the skin around it with an almost worshipping fervor.
Yeah, you’re honestly surprised he never questioned you about it sooner. But it seems now it’s time to own up to the fantasy that’s been looping through your mind.
Putting the now-shut book you were holding on the table next to you, you looked up, focusing on the eye that haunted and possessed you with such desires. With as much honesty and longing as you could muster you finally let it spill out.
“I just really want to taste it. You have no idea how much I’ve been dying to lick your eye, Silco. It’s like an itch that’s festering into an open wound the longer I think about it.”
With that, you waited with bated breath to see what the most powerful Chem-Baron in the Undercity would think about someone licking his fucking eye.
For a few agonizing seconds, Silco made no comment, as if he hadn’t heard your question at all, but if the increasing glow of his eye was any indication, he definitely found your question very affecting.
You still held your breath in anticipation, trying to convey that you meant the question truthfully and weren’t messing with him. The more his eye glowed the hungrier you became, and the stronger that inner itch gnawed at you. 
You would describe the itch as a yearning for the unknown. When you saw a carrot you knew the experience you would have eating it. You knew the feeling of it crunching between your teeth. The natural sweetness that enveloped your taste buds (or bitterness depending on if it was grown down here) but you knew what it would feel and taste like before you even put it into your mouth.
Silco’s eye (and many other past tastings) were unknown. You had no idea what the taste or texture would be like, and it ate you up inside wanting to try it. Sure you could theorize it to past things you’ve had the fortune of trying, but that still didn’t appease the innate itch to try the unknown. Yes, you knew that tears were salty, but tasting tears didn’t equate to licking an entire eye in your mind. And with the Shimmer that Silco injected into his eye, you knew it had to add some flavor.
I wonder if it tastes different depending on when it’s glowing or not?
You could feel yourself becoming frenzied at the idea. Nails bit into your pant legs where you were gripping your thighs, muscles tensed, but to lunge forward and forcibly try a taste or to run away you didn’t know.
Finally, Silco reacted, with a hum and a slight uptilt of his lips, eye still flaring brightly, he walked over and joined you on the couch. Sitting down with the gracefulness of a predator he turned towards you and patted his lap encouragingly. 
You didn’t hesitate to slide onto it, facing him as he rested his hands on your thighs. You weren’t one to waste an opportunity after all, and it seemed like Silco was more than attentive to your desire.
You placed your hands on his shoulder, one of them scratching through the hairs at the back of his neck. Focusing on his face you saw him deeply looking at you, no, looking through you.
He chuckled softly in the dimly lit room, “I knew you were only interested in me for my eye. So all that desire I saw was just so you could lick it? My my I knew you were fascinated, but this wasn’t something I predicted. And an itch that feels like an open wound you say? We don’t want that now, do we?” Throughout this he had started rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs, causing you to relax into him more and release some of the tension you had still been holding.
You knew he wasn’t poking fun at you, and after he finished speaking you saw that besides the inherent interest still present in his expression, he now seemed to have a spark of his own desires showing as well. His eyes raked hungrily over your face, stopping occasionally at your mouth.
Composing your thoughts, you looked into his good eye and felt yourself curl in pleasure at the acceptance he was giving you. With some confidence from seeing your desire reflected back, you smiled softly and murmured, “You know I love you for all of you.” You paused and smirked, “But your eye is definitely a captivating sight, and the thing that garnered my initial interest in you when we first met.”
Silco feigned a wounded look, “And here I thought it was my rogue charm and wit that had captivated you.”
You snorted a laugh, “Those too, but there’s just something so delicious about your eye.” You gazed longingly at it, licking over your lips and teeth. 
He watched amused. “I thought you said you wanted to lick it, not eat it.”
You rolled your eyes in mock offense. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t go that far. As much as I enjoy feeling you on my teeth, I don’t desire to bite your eye.”
He looked fondly at you. “How reassuring. But you still haven’t said why the urge to lick my eye feels like an open wound.”
You shrugged, “It’s like I’ve mentioned to you before when I’ve eaten something I shouldn’t have. I can’t control it. I see something that may taste interesting and I get an intense desire to follow through on it. The longer I try to avoid it, the more it eats away at my thoughts until I can only think about trying it.” You had explained this before a few times when Silco had caught you eating stuff you really shouldn’t have, so even though it still scared him at times, he knew you were being truthful, and nodded to show he understood.
Tilting his head in thought he replied carefully, “So I’m to assume you’ve been wanting to lick my eye since the first time we met? That’s an awfully long time then. In fact, the longest I’ve ever seen you try to avoid trying something was a few days, and that was with Sevika forcibly holding you back. How have you managed this long with my eye?”
Again you shrugged like it was the most obvious answer, “For the exact reason that it’s your eye. It’s not some random thing I found lying around, and I didn’t want to possibly make you uncomfortable. We both have our boundaries and I associated your eye as part of one.”
Silco appeared to accept that answer, again giving a slight nod, but it still seemed he couldn’t help but prod a little. “I’ve let you touch it before.”
Now you were the one looking at him amused, and with a sarcastic tone responded, “Touching is quite different from straight up licking it, Silco.”
He smiled all sharp teeth. “Perhaps, but it’s just a different kind of touch, is it not?” His smile grew wider, going a little feral as his eye pulsed eagerly, “And one that I’m not opposed to either. You know me. There’s very little that I would say no to you too.” His grip on your thighs tightened before loosening slightly, showing his interest but allowing you an out if needed.
You were not about to back out now. Months of craving even the smallest touch of your tongue to his eye built up in a tidal wave inside you. Tightening your hold on the back of his neck and shoulder you leaned forward, further encouraged by Silco who had moved one of his hands behind your head, guiding you closer.
You tensed back up in anticipation, tunnel-visioned on his eye. Nothing would be able to stop this moment now, you were in too deep and had to soothe that pulsing itch inside you that threatened to claw its way out.
With no other encouragement needed, you leaned the rest of the way in, but stopped mere millimeters away, breath ghosting over your long-coveted prize. Silco’s eye was flaring so bright it was almost blinding. Instead of diving in as you assumed Silco thought you would, you lightly kissed his eye, softly uttering a thank you, before slowly dragging the entire length of your tongue along it, savoring the moment and its smooth texture.
Silco’s hands tightened painfully when you sighed in pleasure, shivering in his embrace as you experienced what it must feel like to taste ambrosia from the gods.
As you had expected, Silco’s eye tasted divine.
Unsurprisingly it was salty but not overwhelmingly so, but quite unexpected was just how mouth-watering the Shimmer had enhanced it. A slight metal tang was quickly overpowered by a natural sweetness far exceeding anything you’ve ever tried. The closest thing you could think of in that moment was the one time you had licked off the pollen from a dandelion you’d found, but this was more intense than that. More potent due to the nature of Shimmer.
With one lick you felt like you were floating on ecstasy. This had far exceeded anything you could have theorized and the itch inside you quieted to a content purr. It didn't die away fully, and while that should have been a concern as it generally left after finally trying something, you knew that the desire to taste Silco’s eye would never truly go away now that you’d indulged in it. 
Pulling back slightly and glancing down at Silco with half-lidded eyes, you noticed him breathing heavily, a flush covering his face as he looked at you with more love and desire than you knew what to do with.
With a rasp, he snarled at you. “Did I say you could stop?”
With a huff and a slight shudder you finally dove in like you knew you both wanted. Lapping at his eye with no amount of finesse you moaned greedily. Each stroke of your tongue brought in that sweet sinful flavor, causing you to float higher and higher in euphoria.
By the time you had had your fill, you were both panting and shivering in satisfaction. It looked as if Silco had enjoyed that experience as much as you had.
With a content sigh and a lick of your lips you leaned back, feeling drugged. “That was so fucking good, Silco. Thank you, though I feel that this may not be a one-time thing.”
Silco leaned back resting his head on the couch, his eye fading to a low glow. His grip on you had loosed a bit and he pulled you down to lie on his chest, words still a little breathless, “I was thinking the same.” He chuckled warmly and caressed your neck and back. “It seems we both enjoyed that more than we thought we would, and from the looks of it, I’m guessing you’re feeling the effects of Shimmer, hmm?”
You grunted softly as his warmth enveloped you. It did seem that you had enacted a bit of Shimmer just from licking his eye, and as the floaty feeling fully consumed you, a wave of tiredness also fell over you. But he wanted a verbal answer, so with a slight mumble you agreed before pressing yourself closer to him and relaxing your whole body.
He took the hint. Both of you felt the drained after-effects of the moment. The lead-up plus the final climax in events left you both feeling sated and content to just rest there.
Grabbing a blanket from nearby, Silco maneuvered you both to lie along the couch with you still resting over him. He draped the blanket over you both before pressing a lingering kiss to your head.
Before you fully drifted off into a nice post-eye-licking nap, you heard Silco whisper a quiet ‘I love you’ as a hand continued to stroke your back.
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sereinreality · 3 days ago
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making a luis lives au and having it lead up to re6 so i just want to write down my ideas so far
- ada saves him without a shadow of a doubt. somehow, someway, she gets him off the island and takes him to a hospital to heal while she spends those next couple of months making plans. when luis is properly healed, she would offer one of two options; either work with her or she’ll leave him some things but they have to keep little to no contact. luis obviously goes for the first choice.
- they definitely bond over the course of time they work together from re5 to re6. i like to think their similar backgrounds, history, and goals bring them closer together. luis would always try to find a reason to throw festivities, he’s very insistent on celebrating ada’s birthday or any holiday.
- they do a lot of moving around which means time to kill and lots of stories. luis likes to play a game where he tells a story and ada has to guess wether it actually happened or he just made it up. most of the time he’s lying but argues “you never know! maybe someday it will be true!” it makes ada smile. luis tries to make her smile as often as he can.
- luis didn’t change in terms of making jokes. he figures there’s no point in falling to despair when you’ve been given your last chance so he makes the most of it. it annoyed ada at first, thinking that luis wasn’t taking this seriously but upon closer inspection, she realized he’s grown way more cautious than before. she excused some of the teasing after that but never backed down from some back and forth
- ada and luis are like soulmates in the way that they are two sides of the same coin. where there’s one, you’ll find the other. they are connected by coincidence but they treasure it. more than anything, it’s a deep understanding between them. everything they did to survive, to get out of their respective situations, the choices they made, and the loneliness they felt. luis swears that as long as he lives, ada will never feel alone again. ada says likewise. both of them mean it with their whole heart.
- under NO circumstances can leon learn that luis survived. it’s a depressing truth they both understand that if leon got the smallest hint of luis’s survival that he would begin a manhunt to find him. they have too much work being carried out that cannot be compromised. that doesn’t stop luis from searching for leon’s name in government files or papers, he keeps up to date with anything where he’s involved. what can he say? the knight misses his prince.
- that being said leon does not handle post valdelobos very well. he still has luis’s lab key which he keeps in a box tucked away somewhere. sometimes the smell of smoke brings him back to spain and the mines where he lost someone he’s grown so close to in just a small amount of time. it shouldn’t break him as much as it does but it’s something that stays in the back of his mind. leon feels like he missed something. that there was an opportunity open to him that he failed to see, it could have been something but now he’ll never know. the door shut in his face just when leon realized what was being offered to him.
- once he saw don quixote displayed on a bookstore window with a lovely red cover and bought it immediately. it sits on his shelf collecting dust, leon hasn’t had time to read it or so he says.
- the trio do reunite in re6 but more importantly, luis catches wind of some of the stunts leon had been pulling and their first interaction after years was luis marching up to leon as he backs into a wall. luis is shouting in spanish, probably complaining about leon not prioritizing his own safety, then switching to english so he can yell in a language leon understands. it was here that he catches leon’s face. he’s so much older now, worn out like leather. leon looked exhausted but he also seemed so amazed? confused? whatever it was, he looked softer now and his eyes widen a little. he simply says, “you’re alive?”
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azurem · 2 days ago
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(Warning for lots of yapping)
Would married inkmare have a wedding anniversary that they celebrate ? Or a dating anniversary for non-married!inkmare ?
My hc is that the first couple of years (if they make it that far) ink writes the date in his scarf but forgets about it until the day of/the day before. Nm plans ahead and makes it super romantic and evil. But with time they kinda stop being extra (nm has a hard time with that) and they meet up for a cuddling session with extra kisses.
For gifts, my hc is that that Ink ’’buys’’ a human made gift from an au, stores it in the doodlesphere, forgets that he already got a gift, gets another gift and stashes it. After a couple of months there’s a small pile collecting dust. The day of the date he apologizes to nm that he didn’t get him a gift (he did, he forgor) :( and the next day he pops into the castle and leaves a mysterious pile of gifts. (This happened at least twice). The other sans(es) don’t hesitate to steal two or three things >:). With time he has an easier time remembering and the pile isn’t as impressive.
Nm knows that his partner is going to/might forget about their anniversary, so he plans ahead and makes it really romantic. Like, over the top fancy and classy dark academia royal themed date. He mostly does it for himself because he loves being classy and dramatic and extra. He writes poems and plays music on his record player (that ink gifted him). For gifts, nm gives… actually I’m not sure what he could gift someone that can draw anything into existence ? Idk I can’t think of anything he could give him. Maybe he’d write him something extra extra romantic ?
Last thing is they ignore the 3 kisses per day quota, just for a day !
I have so many other things to add honestly I hate them sm >:(
I think celebrating anniversaries is kinda hard for them because time passes weirdly in the multiverse. I think Nightmare would try to keep track of the date™ (by snooping around in a "twin" of the branch of Outertale where they married and trying to figure out what day it was). Dating anniversary is. Hm. Hard?? I don't think they have a date where they officially started dating, but they def would celebrate the date of their ultimate truce™ instead hmmm
My headcanon aligns very closely with yours I see......! I like the idea that Ink would try to make the effort but legit forget that he already did DKJDKD Nightmare just overall carrying the romance™ is very much in character for my version of him, too...!
I think Ink would prefer acts of service rather than gifts, but he'd appreciate art materials all the same. Underfell merch too/silly. I think it'd be funny if Nightmare tried to compose him a little tune every time. He gets pretty smug whenever he hears ink humming it to himself hmmmm
Yea, yea. I think they invent the concept of negative kisses just for the special occasions™. Or maybe they keep track of days where they haven't seen each other and "recover" the kisses that couldn't be given???? Evil stuff id say
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gilverrwrites · 2 days ago
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A Roy with 🥺✊❤️🎇🙈🛏️
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🥺 first time headcanon
Roy had been lusting after you for so long, that the first time you banged it out, he took it as confirmation of a full-on relationship. He’s not dumb, he’s been around the block, he's had many a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits situation, but for some reason, the moment you climbed into his bed, something in his brain clicked and he unconsciously decided then and there that you weren’t getting back out.
When he tells the story he makes a joke out of it, says you fucked him so good he just had to commit, but that’s not quite true. The decision had been made the moment you looked at him from your perch on his pillows with those beautiful captivate eyes he’d been dreaming about for months.
✊ masturbation headcanon
Big fan of porn. When things like Onlyfans and Pornhub partner programs became more mainstream he didn’t hesitate to start paying for his porn (sometimes detrimentally, when he’s at his worst), but he’d always been a gooner. When you started sleeping together, he gave it up, but he pesters you constantly to let him film the two of you doing it.
Don’t worry babe, he won't get your face in it. If anybody miraculously managed to get a hold of it, they’d never know it was the two of you.
He needs it for when you’re apart. He absolutely cannot go more than a couple of days without jacking off to photos of your naked body, to audio clips of you saying his name over and over. He’s dramatic af and you’re so cruel for making him go without.
❤️ making love headcanon
Roy's got a high libido, he’ll find any excuse to fuck you, cute outfit, sexy music, the dropped hat, anything. But there’s something about seeing you acting all domestic with Lian that makes him not want to fuck you, but to make love to you.
Finding the two of you laughing over a breakfast you’ve made together, seeing Lian come to you to ask for help or advice without fear or doubt, watching you bond over a shared interest or job that needs two pairs of hands.
Call it baby fever, or brooding, or any other name, but watching you step-parent is enough to make him smitten every time, and as soon as he gets you alone he’s kissing you so tenderly, leading you to the softest surface in the vicinity as he unbuttons your pants real slow. Telling you the whole time how amazing you are, how he’ll never get over you, how he wants to be with you forever.
🎇 orgasm headcanon   
His hips have a mind of their own when Roy reaches orgasm. He loses any and all control. If you’re on top, it’s legitimately like riding a mechanical bull, and he’s got the crescent-shaped bruises along the backs of his shoulders to prove it. From the second he feels himself hitting his peak, his hips start going buck wild, all the muscles from the waist down growing tight as he fucks you in a frenzy. Even the softer, slower session usually ends in the room being filled with the fierce sound of your skin smacking together as he ruts into you like it’s the last time he’ll ever cum.
🙈 something they’re shy about asking for
As previously mentioned, Roy has spent a lot of time browsing pornsites, he’s seen some stuff, and it’s only natural to be curious, to want to try it for yourself. He worries though, about asking for too much too soon, that it might overwhelm you, or make you think of him in a new light. He’s not a totally depraved pervert, okay... maybe he is, sometimes. He doesn’t want that fact to put you off him, so instead he spreads out his fantasies, and makes sure to enquire about your kinks in-between so as not to seem demanding.
You already know of course, and you do your bit to remind him that you’ll love him no matter what, that you’re down to try most things, but otherwise, you’ll just have to wait until he’s ready to file his next request.  
🛏️ soft sex headcanon
When you’re doing it softly, you really are doing it soft (sans Roy’s orgasm). Specifically, if you’re feeling blue, but horny. Roy’s gonna wrap you up in an oversized hoodie, or blanket, or anything big and cosy. He’s gonna hold you so delicately, and do all the work; long, lazy thrusts, from tip to hilt, countless gentle kisses to your favourite spots, a smile on his face every time you look at him, all while he coos in your ear, whatever praise or comfort you need to hear, all of it straight from the heart.
Bonus, cause there wasn’t a prompt that covers this and I wanted to talk about it
Roy goes nuts for tanlines. There’s just something crazy sexy about it to him, when you strip off and he can see the outline of whatever tiny piece/s of swimwear you’ve been wearing. Or when your clothes ride up, and he can just see a peak of the contrasting line where the darker skin meats your natural colour. He’s enamoured and he’ll drop whatever he’s doing to trace those strokes with his tongue.   
Smut emoji prompt requests are now closed.
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tarnished-butsogrand · 1 day ago
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Giving Niall & Harry the benefit of the doubt I think it’s probably a really weird thing to navigate everyone sending you condolences because you were so publicly linked together when in reality they were not very close and hadn’t been for a long time. I think it’s telling that they both included condolences to Liam’s family in their posts while Zayn & Louis didn’t (not saying they didn’t send them condolences privately but specifically in their posts). Usually only the people closest to the person who has passed don’t include condolences and paired with the overall tone & content I think it’s a good indicator that they don’t see themselves in that immediate circle and they don't want to give off the impression that they are. 
But I also think their posts have a lot to do with them as people removed from their relationship with Liam. Obviously we don’t actually know but you couldn’t convince me that Liam was in contact with Zayn more than Niall but Zayn is less afraid of speaking his mind. There’s a reason Niall is able to “avoid drama” and why they used to call him a fence-sitter in the band, it’s not difficult to seem unproblematic if you avoid anything controversial at all and within the last couple years Liam became one of those controversial things he ignored. Part of me doesn’t fault him for that because he always tries to protect his personal peace and his brand, it’s not something he exclusively did to Liam but it’s still disappointing he didn’t make an exception for him. Maybe I’m being too generous but I think he probably regrets that, especially knowing how awful his fans were to him in his last days. I think Harry also probably feels that regret and guilt to some extent too which would also explain the surface level statements because their true feelings are much more complex and imo would frame them in a more negative light if they were honest. This is all just speculation but some part of them probably wants to avoid making it seem like they were still super close and avoid accepting all those condolences due to the guilt of knowing that they weren’t actually there for him when he needed it. 
That being said they definitely could’ve ignored their relationship post 1D completely and just talked about what he meant to the band, especially knowing how much people were trying to erase his importance, knowing that ALL the members reiterated how important he was would’ve meant a lot but they didn’t do that for him and that hurts.  
I understand what you’re saying about them just not posting anything but honestly I think it was better for them to just do it even if it was surface level because otherwise it would’ve just turned into “why aren’t they posting?” even worse than it did when Niall’s was delayed a bit. It would’ve just pulled focus away from Liam even more so I’m personally glad they at least put something out. Even if we understand that people are not owed a public display of grief that’s certainly not the overall consensus of the general public (which is crazy on it's own). I don’t doubt that they felt pressured to put out statements but unfortunately that’s the world we’re living in and I think it probably would’ve been worse in the long run if they hadn’t put out anything at all. 
I do think it's important to note that in the same way we have now been able to process things differently with time (I have felt a million different ways about their posts/treatment of Liam in general the past few months with varying degrees of anger) it's likely they also feel differently about things after having time to process. Regardless of their relationship with him or how good/bad of friends they were knowing that millions of people are going to read your statement and scrutinize it after only a day of finding out the news, at which point most people are still in shock, is a lot of pressure. I can some what understand taking the easy way out and posting something less personal and more manufactured under those circumstances. Maybe they would change what they wrote, maybe they wouldn't we don't know.
I think ultimately it’s just so disappointing that Liam showed up for everyone time and time again but only some chose to return the favor both when he was alive and after. 
(Sorry this is so long and if you're over talking about this don't feel the need to respond, I completely understand)
I think you are being incredibly generous and kind with your evaluation of Niall and Harry's actions. Even if I deem Liam to be so controversial that it would be career suicide to be seen with him, I still cannot understand or comprehend leaving him to struggle when he clearly needed help, support and understanding. Of course, at the end of the day, it was Liam's responsibility alone to stop himself from going down the path again, and I don't claim to know how difficult struggling with addiction is, but any kind of support must have helped. Even putting their own rabid fans off of his scent would have helped. I don't think anyone expected either of them to write out essays in his support but even a word, a like, a repost. But I get it. Their brand and image is paramount, right?
Imagine having friends that stop talking to you because you are not as popular or you've not sold as many records. When Liam said the industry was scary this must have been a part of that surely. I think it's easy being friends with someone who's doing alright, but the moment comes and they're having a bad time and you just... Leave them? Stop acknowledging them? It's like the previous years of history meant nothing. I cannot imagine what it must have been like for Liam.
Liam was called out for being a lot of things, cringe, a loser, and what not. But he was never unkind? He reached out to everyone going through a tough time and when he needed help, he found no one to do it for him. Except Louis. And I am sorry but I don't think the lack of support from Niall and Harry was just disappointing. And I understand they needed to protect their personal brand and their mental peace, but I just cannot get behind or support people like that. I think that's a horrible thing to do to someone who you used to know. I think it's like slowly becoming a part of the machinery that you detested but since it cannot hurt you anymore, you embrace the system. Especially when you have made your own personal brand about treating people with kindness. Who decides who deserves this kindness then?
I hope they do feel regret. I know it sounds horrible but I hope they feel regret every single day of their lives that they took back their support from a person who needed it the most. Every single day, we hear so many stories of so many people helping each other, random acts of kindness that warm our hearts. I think of the many random strangers even Niall and Harry must have helped, but they couldn't speak one word of support for someone who used to be their friend. At least someone they used to pretend to be friends with when the act brought in the big bucks.
As for Zayn, maybe he didn't speak to Liam any more than Niall did. But to judge him by the same parameters, is kind of unfair? He left the band back in 2015, and not on great terms. Niall continued to be friends with Liam, publicly up until what? 2019? 2020? Liam hadn't talked of Zayn favourably in that Logan Paul interview, and damn right he's outspoken but he didn't say a word against him in public? (Not even for him, admittedly.) Zayn didn't make it sound like he didn't have any differences of opinion, what he wrote of in his post was of a friendship, imperfect at times but still remarkable enough, even after nine years of insignificant contact, to move him deeply. I am sorry if I am reading too much into Louis and Zayn's posts but that's all the proof I have that Liam was loved and cherished and had friends that probably looked at him with the same compassion and empathy that I will always have for him. They didn't need to be so personal, and I would have understood a short, curt message from both of them, for different reasons. I didn't know how much I needed to read what they had written until after I had read their posts and was sobbing uncontrollably.
As for the statements, maybe it is better they posted something rather than nothing at all. Maybe they did feel pressured. Maybe they will look back on that time and their feelings will change, yes, none of that's for sure. Personally, I don't think pulling the focus away from Liam was their priority when they posted. Louis and Zayn honoured a friend. Niall and Harry spoke about a colleague. I also think, in my personal opinion, the guest list shouldn't have included a lot of people who were present that day. Including Niall and Harry. I don't think they cared to know him well enough to attend. I mean if you feel weird being offered condolences for someone, knowing you didn't know them well enough to be considered a friend, then you probably shouldn't be attending their funeral? But then again, I know nothing and am no one to them and my opinion means nothing but that's how I feel about them personally.
I am sorry if I sound too harsh, or mean. Forgive me. I cannot find it in myself to be magnanimous. Not anymore. You are kind and generous towards all of them and I appreciate that, but I cannot join you.
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capybara-platypus · 1 month ago
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fuck. the seasonal affective urge to socially isolate
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applecidersstuff · 11 months ago
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Yes, yes, Bianca is the older sister character, and no one can argue with that, but can I tell you who I see as thee eldest daughter character?
Clarrise La Rue.
Clarrise who was ares cabin counselor since she was 12-14 and was the eldest child of ares at that point.
Clarrise who tried her best at keeping her cabin intact while her brothers didn’t give a shit about her, her feelings and wellbeing.
Clarrise who went on a quest to please her father, but none of her brothers went with her and her father said that he would prefer they went on the quest instead of her.
Clarrise who desperately tries to keep Chris alive and at the border of sanity because he was the only person to actually care about her.
Clarrise who has exactly three people close to her.
Clarrise who looses two of them to war and her own pride.
Clarrise who’s so hostile that the only reason she’s friends with Beckendorf and Silena is Silena’s stubbornness.
Clarrise who hates Percy not because she dislikes him, but because she envies his relationship with his father.
Clarrise who has no relationship with her mother, and when she visits her in TTC is the first time she does it in years.
Clarrise who hates her father for neglecting her in favor of her brothers, but desperately tries to get his attention and praise at the same time.
Clarrise who’s forced to raise her siblings instead of her father and still getting nothing for it.
Clarrise who’s only childhood dream is to break free and leave camp behind, just to keep going back even after getting into college because she can’t live without those responsibilities even if she hates them.
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kismetconstellations · 1 month ago
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@sockdooe, I think that person was attempting to argue, with some exceptionally odd choice of words, that Sheith shippers are "nasty", because Shiro and Keith first met when Keith was a child. I assumed, based on the seven year age-difference and the fact that Shiro and Adam were cohabitating and headed toward engagement, that Shiro was at least twenty-one and Keith was fourteen and a high school freshman, when Shiro came out to Keith's school.
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Not Shiro eighteen and Keith twelve.
Steven Yeun's voice was pitch-shifted in the flashbacks, but not enough to suggest that Keith hadn't even started puberty, yet. And, I don't think even fictional military academies recruit middle schoolers to be communications experts, data analysts, engineers, and pilots.
The majority of Shiro/Keith shippers only ship them in the context of both of them being legal adults, anyway, so I thought we were largely past the Keith/Shiro shippers are "pedophiles", angle.
Evidently not.
I guess I was giving this fandom too much credit.
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