#for some reason i really like to watch random videos of folks talking about languages | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

idontblushsrry · 4 years ago

Text

SFW Alphabet|| Megumi Fushiguro

A/N: Uhhhh I’m back on my bullshit >:) it’s missing Fushiguro hours folks.

Word Count: 2050

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

(If you want some more in depth affection headcanons click here)

Fushiguro is someone who isn’t big on pda but makes up for it in private. In public, he’ll hold your hand but in private he’s laying i your lap while you massage his scalp. Basically, he’s a big softie that just represses his urge to cuddle until he’s alone with you.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Best friend Megumi is literally the president of the Y/N defense squad. If anyone has a problem with you, they have a problem with him. Of course, you have to rein him in sometimes and remind him you can fight your own battles, but just know he’s lookin out for you.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Fushiguro loves to cuddle, but he will repress the urge to do so for as long as possible. Because of that, he doesn’t let you go, preferring to cling to you throughout the night. His cuddles are always deceptively loose too. His arms give you just enough wiggle room but the second you try to get up, it’s like fighting two pythons.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think he ever really planned on settling down, Megumi figured that he’d die long before he ever got the chance to settle down. Everyday is pretty much a new experience in terms of domesticity for him, he doesn’t have plans for the future, but as long as you’re with him, he’ll be happy.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If he ever had to break up with someone, he’d probably ask for help on how to do so. The first person he’d ask (regrettably) would be Gojo who’d tell Megumi to just ghost the person. After asking around some more, he figured Kugisaki’s approach of getting it over with as bluntly as possible (although less mean) was the best option.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Megumi isn’t really the type for wedding ceremonies. He’s all about commitment (even though working up to marriage for him is longer than most) but he’s not a fan of being the center of attention, so a wedding ceremony/reception wouldn’t be his thing. If you wanted a ceremony, he’d be willing to compromise somewhat but otherwise, he’s perfectly fine with just going to the courthouse.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s kind of rough around the edges. In private, he can be the sweetest, most tender soul, but in public he’ll put 7 yards of distance between you both if you try to hug him. Basically, he’s very shy, so anything that’ll draw too much attention is a no go (he isn’t opposed to linking pinkies though).

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

At first Megumi really only hugged you when he was missing you, sad, or tired. Over time though, he got better at becoming more open with his affection and he’ll hug you whenever he feels the urge to. Despite that though, his hugs still have an undercurrent of desperation in them. He holds on just as tight each time like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

He’s operating on a very strict ‘If you don’t say it, I won’t’ policy and as such this man will not say a single thing to you unless prompted. He knows deep down that he loves you and that you set off butterflies in his stomach every time you smile, but he never really thought to verbalize that until you say ‘I love you’ first.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Megumi doesn’t get jealous, he’s fought side by side with you and he knows you’re more than capable of fending off any unwanted suitors. Megumi put a lot of trust into you by already being in a relationship so to him, it makes no sense to be jealous over you. That all being said, he’s not above the occasional side eye if someone’s getting a little too buddy buddy.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

On a normal day, his kisses are so natural, he’s so slow and the pressure is just enough to have you thinking you’ve got all the time in the world. In near death/ post-near death circumstances, he’s a little more feral. When he kisses you like that, it feels like it’s the end of the world and he’s trying to make the most of it.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Fushiguro isn’t good with kids that aren’t old enough to communicate. Older kids are fine with him, but guessing what a baby needs based on how loud it’s crying? Hard pass for him and he doesn’t even feel bad about it. The last time he had to watch a baby, he tried to leave one of his shikigami to watch it; long story short, he had to explain to a cackling Gojo why his demon dogs wouldn’t let him leave to go to the bathroom.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Fushiguro are pretty rare. Most of the time you guys don’t really get to sleep in or even spend mornings together since most of the time there’s missions or trainings you’ll have to go to. When you do get the rare morning off, Fushiguro makes the most of it. He sleeps in and doesn’t wake up before 10 no matter what you try. When he does finally wake up, he loves cooking breakfast with you, he’s not the best cook, but he treasures the experience over anything.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Megumi are also rare as most curses come out at night and that’s kinda your guys’ job. If all goes well though, you’ll both come back a little earlier and just go straight to sleep. If it’s a late night where the curse took more out of either of you than expected, yall usually stay up and talk and snack until one of you falls asleep or the sun comes up.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes him an extremely long time to open up to you about his past. Not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he��s embarrassed and doesn’t want you to think less of him for it (especially during his problem child era). To be honest, you probably find out about certain things from other people. Once he’s cornered confronted, he’ll be completely (albeit a bit grudgingly) honest about it.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

His anger is kind of weird, whereas before, he was a lot quicker to explode, bluntly telling off or even fighting whoever pissed him off, he’s changed. He tries his best to repress his emotions and as such, he comes off as patient, never expressing his true feelings/desires until pushed to the brink.

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s the king of remembering details you mention in passing. His love language is partially acts of service so for him, remembering details about you helps him later. Oh remember that one time you needed a pen/pencil but didn’t have one? Never again, this man has a section of his shadows dedicated solely to pencils because of you. Oh what’s that, you like this random song? Guess what just got added to the playlist he made for you. Basically, while he may not look like it, he’s actually a simp and so if he can make your life easier/ make you happy, it’s worth it.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

So Megumi is someone who doesn’t play video games but is really good at them for no reason. One day, you’re playing a game of smash bros. and he’s just kicking your ass, like it was sad. Needless to say, after his 4th win, he “accidently” pressed the wrong button and let you win. He thinks you don’t know he did this but when you won, you kissed him and completely flustered him, to the point that he couldn’t play for a solid 5 minutes.

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite knowing and trusting that you can defend yourself, he’s still super protective of you. You’re one of the few people that he cares about in the world and he’d give everything to see you safe and protected. As for how he’d like to be protected, knock some sense into him every once in a while. He has a habit of self sacrificing so if you want to protect him, remind him that you want to keep him alive as much as he wants to keep you alive.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

On the outside, his dates are very simple. They usually consist of you and him either staying in or just hanging out at stores and the like. Every once in a while, he’ll try to take you somewhere special, like a cove he found or a festival. For most people, these may be simple dates, but Fushiguro puts so much effort into so may aspects of your dates that honestly, anything bigger would lose the personal touch your dates have.

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

One of his worst habits is his self-sacrificing tendencies. Even during a baseball game, he can’t help but sacrifice himself (especially if it means his friends/ you get to get the glory). With time though, he grows out of this and realizes it’s not selfish to want the best for yourself.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s giving “I woke up like this” and it’s... it’s something. One might think the style is intentional since obviously, the look could only be achieved with gel, and to an extent, it is intentional. He might use gel to spike it a little more but the man legit rolls out of bed and chooses to leave his hair up like that.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, as much as he loves you, Fushiguro is an introvert. He needs time to just be by himself and unwind every once in a while, so he’s got no complaints if you leave him to his own devices or have to be gone for a long time.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

Megumi has negative zero relationship experience. He’s never found someone that was worth the risk/ worth opening up to, hell, he just barely got friends when he entered high school. Because of this, every part of your relationship is like navigating uncharted waters.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He’s less someone to dislike a specific thing/ personality trait, and more someone who doesn’t like different people for different reasons, ex. Todo and Mai. If he had to pick a single trait, it’d probably have to be hypocriticism.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He is someone who will fall asleep spread eagle one night and the next be huddled into a tiny little section of the bed. Mercy on you if you try to cuddle because now you’re wrapped up into his unconscious acrobatic routine.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen imagines #megumi fushiguro x reader #fushiguro x reader #fushiguro jjk #jjk x black reader #jjk x reader #jjk imagines #jjk headcanons #black reader #black!reader #idontblushsrry #x black reader

289 notes · View notes

queenlua · 4 years ago

Note

hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue. see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP. and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP. so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on. there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc. you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing

20 notes · View notes

thestudyfeels · 6 years ago

Text

How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.)

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to… Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway:

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway:

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway:

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway:

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

(play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

798 notes · View notes

taletreader · 6 years ago

Text

answer 21 questions then tag 21 people you want to get to know better

(btw 21 people is impossible i know like 5 so shutup first of all to whoever made this.)

tagged by @totallygayforellie thank you pal :)

nickname: my “grownup” nickname is “Chels.” For obvious reasons. When I was a teensy weensy lil thing, I was called “Worm” because I couldn’t stay still and because I would wiggle out of your arms. HIgh school into college, it became “Bones” because of my weight--not in a bad way--which some folks still call me. It’s ironic now because I’m fat. Heyyy-oooo.

zodiac sign: Pisces. I swim like a mermaid.

height: 5′4″. Average.

last movie i saw: I re-watched Predator. Go, Ahnold, go.

last thing i googled: uhhh “William Shatner horses.” Basically, I was going to try to tell a friend about him having a shitload of horses but I wasn’t sure if that was actually true or if I made it up. It’s true.

favorite musicians: I don’t have favorites, that’s not fair--duh. I don’t know though, I just listen to so much music...so many different genres and so many different artists. I don’t even remember half of the titles of the songs I listen to until I hear it again. I’ll forget again after that, of course. I’ll just try with a few. As far as ones that have stuck with me over the years: Alice in Chains, Billy Joel, The Talking Heads, Queen, and so many others. More recent ones are some like The Strokes, RATM, Glass Animals, Joanna Newsom, and Fiona Apple.

song stuck in my head: Peter Gabriel- “Sledgehammer” --video is cool also.

do i get asks: never. you guys hate me.

following: 521

followers: all aliens

amount of sleep: i take like two sleeping pills a night (doctor’s orders) and i still only get like 4-5 hours of restless sleep maybe.

lucky number: 3

what i’m wearing: game of groans ;) t-shirt and owl pj pants with mukluks bb!

dream job: iiii just wanna rock and roll all nighttt. but really, i just want to write. that’s all i have ever wanted to do. that’s what i half-ass went to college to for, and that’s what i’m making progress towards if my shitty body and life will cooperate.

favourite food: japanese. sushi. but no more eel sushi unless i want food poisoning again.

play any instrument: tried to learn how to play guitar but mainly just ended up making out with my ex boyfriend while “learning”

languages: english and three years of french but all i really remember is how to say please, thank you, the beach, and bonjour...y’all.

favourite song: i don’t have one but if i had to pick the most meaningful song to me, i’d choose ten years gone by led zeppelin. i love the lyrics “and though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea.” #deepbro

random facts:

every time i try to tell someone who is not used to my southern accent that my appendix burst when i was younger, they think i said my “penis burst”

i like owls. i’m like that turtle kid but with owls.

i have chronic lyme disease and am a host to many other diseases and conditions.

because of what i just said, i have lots of time to do stupid and sometimes boring stuff like watch movies and tv shows a lot (horror is my jam), do craftsy things like collages, read and write, and mainly just stare into the abyss.

also because of this, you can probably guess i have like no friends and am completely single. not expecting a pity party, just sayin’

sometimes i secretly like it when the power goes out because my dad and i STILL get to make shadow figures on the wall. my favorite is when i make a guy eating soup who then chokes on it. he survives though!!

me as aesthetic things: owls, sunflowers taller than 6 feet, pretty patterned hair ties, wwe wrestler theme music (except for john cena’s), quiet bonfire night, chamomile tea, walking the dog in the rain, sam cookie music under the stars, perfect gliding of a pen on paper.

i reckon i’ll tagggg @caterpillarhunting @gracebabcockwrites @ladystardustsoul @mjdoc90 @namelesshippiearts @peacefulsenseoftime @sassy-swamp-mermaid @zenobiatavares @acherona @babeoutofhell @valeryhush

#me #ceiw #tagged post #get to know me #fun facts #chronic illness #21 questions

9 notes · View notes

oipteaapdoce · 6 years ago

Photo

More on secrets and the occult

When I first started out in magick, well OK maybe for the first 10 years lol, I also felt that everything should be public. But then I learned some pretty deep stuff, and changed my mind rather quickly! It’s definitely important to keep a little out there, so folks who are drawn to it know it exists and where to maybe start looking. Though there are some things which will always be hidden, either intentionally, or because the path itself, and the path ancestors are choosy about who is let in.

For example, pedophiles really aren’t accepted in many paths. Sure perhaps they can fool the living humans, but the spirits, they can see and know way more than we do, and know how people live their lives. Some paths are even more strict and have taboos against such things as cheating on your significant other (though you only get into trouble, not thrown off the path generally). Many paths also do not allow killing of another human. The spirits of that path will turn against you if you go that far. Other paths though, they are fine with such things. It all depends really.

Another problem with information being public, is that then charlatans will pretend to be on the path, or sometimes even think that they are on the path, because they read so much about it, or watched so many youtube videos on it, and use the information and supposed path to scam people. Most practitioners unfortunately cannot tell the difference, just due to lack of knowledge themselves of the path, even if all the information was out there, we can only understand so much of a new thing in the first 5-10 years. Or if the path is from a culture, or in a language which is not our first, then we can more easily be fooled. I guess better than by a used car salesman, but then again maybe not. At least with a lemon used car, our health or spiritual bodies, or energy doesn’t get messed up for a lifetime or few if things go really wrong. Or at least not to as great of a degree.

Which brings up another point; unqualified people teaching and initiating into paths which they know nothing about, or where they themselves were initiated by a newbie or fraud from a particular path. I have seen the outcome of such initiations and the results are pretty bad; the person’s energy body messed right up; so many many nasty died bad spirits around, so many corrupted or maligned nature or demonic spirits around, all who aren’t the actual ones they think they have around and are trying to call. Now if the person wants to work with these beings go ahead, but one should be fully aware with the entourage they are getting and the true nature of them, not thinking they are a Deity, Daemon or other strong spirit and meanwhile getting your garden variety low level random spirit.

Also, each time something is talked about, it really does lose power. With many spiritual paths if you go through an initiation or retreat, they tell you to not talk about it afterwards. Of course, everyone gets all excited and wants to talk about it :D. But, you can feel the energy wane immediately when this is done. Holding something as sacred and important to us, is definitely part of the path. Our connections with the various spirits, as well as personal information about our spirits, is not something that we just share with anyone. We break a trust there, but then also open the spirits up to mass lineups of random people trying to contact them and demanding they do their bidding! This doesn’t make the spirits happy about working with humans in general lol.

Now the point of why do only a select few get the information while others do not? Those who have put in the work for it generally. Or those who have spiritual or physical ancestry in the paths. (this is beyond those silly DNA tests). Also, past lives tend to play a strong role from all I can tell. Sure everyone likes to think they were a great so and so or such and such in past lives, but really, that sort of thing is seen by the spirits, not by us.

We are all born with (or perhaps just still have in this incarnation) a certain number of spirits. We also have some which we do not align with for various reasons. Of course, we all try to contact the ones we don’t align with as well as the ones we do! This can bring troubles, if one doesn’t have an experienced teacher to help them sort things out. Also, many of the spirits prefer certain ways of being approached and certain offerings, these are important, for many different reasons, including the energies aligning properly (from what I can tell). When approached in the incorrect way, or with the incorrect offerings, sometimes things can really go awry!

Some paths require initiations to even be able to properly work with the powers, beings, forces and energies of that particular path. This is for many different reasons. One of the reasons being that folks who are in line with the path and how things work, is important. Having the path not just turn into a random mess of crap is another good reason (some people tend to try to make this happen to all of the groups they are in, ever seen it at a workplace?) Also, the path elders and spirits know far better than we do, which path/s are right for us and which are not. We may like to think that we can just work any path, but some paths are better for us on ever level than others are. This is individual to each person.

Just as important, not sharing too much information everywhere helps the dabblers and practitioners who try to work these paths with a lack of connection or knowledge... people really can, and sometimes do, become very unbalanced or go completely off the edge with the stronger practices. Believe it or not these paths are not for everyone. Some would like to think that they are, but really that is not the case. Not everyone’s psyche, energy body, or thought processes are in line with these important works. Some folks are really just not up for spirit work, no matter what they like to think. The more folks think they know, the more warped the paths are for them, the more tainted and less pure, and thus the energies being very unhealthy on many levels for people. I have seen many things happen which are far far worse than most car accidents. Then there are the silly dabblers of what they feel are the darker paths, who end up making pacts with random low power/level spirits, which last many lifetimes, and mess this lifetime right up! Though that in itself is probably another article entirely.

#magick #occult #secretorders #voodoo #atr #vodou #illuminati #sorcery #grimore #goetia #satanism #goldendawn #oto #djinn #jinn

3 notes · View notes

mosshugs · 6 years ago

Note

:3c ............................................... all flowers >:3c

I did half of these and it got deleted so i have to start over HOLY shitBelow the cut is most of everything you could want to know about me

Alisons: Sexuality? Nesoic Bisexual!

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender? Transmasc enby, he/him or it/its pronouns

Amaryllis: Birthday? July 10th!

Anemone: Favorite flower? I love all flowers, and it changes a lot, but for the moment probably hydrangeas?

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show? Soul Eater, Star Vs, American Horror Story, Steven Universe, and AtLA!

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger? Hm…Staying behind in a dangerous situation to make sure they got out, or inviting them to spend the night in my home if they didn’t have anywhere safe to be?

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes? “The thing about everything is that it all gets easier with practice, so be careful what you practice.”

Aubrieta: Favorite drink? Probably…Really good warm apple cider, with cinnamon.

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes, absolutely!

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love? I am currently in love with two human miracles!

Baneberries: Favorite song? This changes constantly, but right now Man Down by The Eden Project

Basket of Gold: Describe your family. There’s not a lot to say. I don’t get along with most of them, so we don’t see each other much.. It’s a pretty toxic family, and I kinda want to be something better than that.

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?I do!! @discoursedmitri is my best friend!

Begonia: Favorite color? GREEN FOREVER

Bellflower: Favorite animal? Again, all of them, and the main one changes constantly. Right now though? Arapaima. They’re so beautiful and they look ancient and wise

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person? Depends on when I wake up! Though I do love the almost otherwordly quality of nighttime...

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?Probably a dog again? It’d be fun to roll and play and RUN and cheer people up!!Either that or a fish, that seems like a peaceful existence.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to work for the ASPCA when I was really small

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children? I love kids, I want to have my own one day! Children should be able to explore the world and learn safely in a welcoming and kind environment, and should be free to enjoy what they love and have fun in peace.

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why? Abandonment, and people I love dying.I’ve had 15 people die, and countless more leave. It does something to you after a while.

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood. I used to play with bess beetles at my grandma’s house and build little leaf houses for them

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth? Spending time with the people I love and making sure they know how much they mean to me and how wonderful they are, maybe rewatching some old favorite movies and really trying to make the most of it

Buttercup: Relationship Status? Taken and promised to two wonderful boys!

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go? TO SEE @n0r5k1 !!!

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved? Anytime when I’m spending time with my boyfriends or close friends and they’re treating me like I’m welcome and wanted. I’m not quite used to it yet but it’s so nice??

Canna: Do you have any tattoos? Not yet, but I really want a full sleeve of flowers that represent different important things in my life, and a radioactivity symbol

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings? Nope! I’d like several, but I think I’ll just end up with my ears pierced..

California Poppy: Height? 5′11 or 6 feet depending on who’s measuring

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts? I’ve seen too many things now to not believe in them

Carnation: What are you currently wearing? Fuzzy pajama pants covered in hearts, fluffy white boots, a grey t shirt, and a heart player hoodie

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight? Yes! I still do. My heater has blue light effects and they’re very calming

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged? Probably my mom?? Possibly Riot

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?Riot’s the ONLY person I’ve kissed

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font? ?? I like gothic fonts pretty good

Columbine: Are you tired? I paused answering these to take a nap and just woke up.

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to? Raising baby mice, and going to stay with Riot for Christmas, and seeing Norski for the first time...

Coneflower: Dream job? Therapist! One day

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert? Ambivert!

Crocus: Have you ever been in love? I think we’ve been over this already?

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Literally anything short of willingly accepting full on abuse. I’d give my life for the people I love.

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it? Cookie! A black and white Ty cat with a red ribbon. I still sleep with her.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign? Cancer! And I am a stereotypical one.

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering? I sure hope I have, but I guess I wouldn’t know.

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment? Helping people when they’re in bad places, and being a positive force in their lives, and being someone that can be trusted.

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? Try to ask her why and get a good solid answer, maybe talk it out?

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?My friend @gold-rook because I was calling him a gay disaster

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at? I’d like to think I’m pretty good at drawing?

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at? SEWING, i can’t see a needle for SQUAT.

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month? - I cosplayed at a con yesterday with Riot- Norski started doing spoken word stuff which is mega cool!- My mouse sat calmly on my hand! She’s learning to trust me

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today? VERY sleepy. All I’ve done is sleep and do chores. But! My mouse gave birth we’re pretty sure, so that’s really cool! I hear tiny peeps from their tank...

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life? I’m not quite where I want to be, I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m happier with where I am right now than I ever have been. This year has been a year of growing and changing, and I hope I can keep down this path.

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two? Visit with my dear Norski and hug him for the first time!

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life? 1 and 2: Riot and Norski3. Simon4. The soul eater chat i’m in5. Soul eater in general6. Stuffed animals7. Fun nights out8. Music that makes you feel something9. Laptops!10. All of my pets!

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? Listening to music and daydreaming, sometimes watching videos on youtube. Jacksepticeye is good for stress. I also tend to compulsively clean when I’m really worked up

Hellebore: How do you show affection? Oh every kind of way. I’ll send you random babbles about how much I love you, I’ll buy presents and cuddle and hug and try to help on bad days. My love language shifts around constantly so I end up just doing all of the above.

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of? The fact that despite everything that’s ever happened to me I can still sometimes help people.Also the one time I dumped scalding water on a creepy guy who was being gross to me.

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day. I’d...go to the zoo or the aquarium or a museum, something like that, with my boyfriends, and maybe a couple of friends too! And we’d go to lunch someplace nice and tell jokes and laugh, and maybe go in a few little odd places or stop at a park, something spontaneous y’know? Then go home and have a movie watching party with lots of snuggling and junk foodThat’d be pretty great.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time? I don’t have a lot of free time, but on the rare occassions when I don’t have a chore to do and I’m not dead tired I like to watch things with people and draw!

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?Not that long actually! I followed him on tumblr like… last year? And started sending him anons because he seemed really nice and i was worried about him. Eventually I came off anon and we swapped discords! We’ve gotten really close since then.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?My boyfriends, and Simon. I can trust them to listen and not get angry or hate me.

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?Acquaintance friends? A bunch! Close friends? Just a tiny handful of folks.

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Someone once told me that I was probably the person they trusted most in the world; it was an honor to have earned that.

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself? Eh..I’m trying to learn to like myself but it’s still a work in progress. At least I think I’m a pretty decent person? I sure hope I am.

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself? I’d like to think I’m compassionate and easy to talk to…?

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? I panic easily, especially over what I don’t know. The second something seems like a possible loss or threat I can get almost smothering in my stressed out nosiness

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child? I LOVED drawing! I made self insert characters and OCs for like, everything I watched ever

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid? I didn’t have many consistent best friends…I guess a girl from my school named Ambree? She was fun to do stuff with but, not especially nice honestly.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for? Accidentally misgendering an ex boyfriend of mine once

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about? Venting about my feelings or problems. Or like, having feelings and problems in the first place.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name? My chosen name is straight up just based off of two of my strongest kintypes, though I also just really like the name Marco! Cotton came from my desire to have a gentle and approachable kind of name that was still unique!

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it. Uhhh my childhood house was a place my mom and dad built. Just a little brick one story, but still a pretty nice place. I was friends with the neighbor girl and we’d be weird and play on the trampoline out back. Sometimes mom would take me for walks to see the horses in the pasture a ways down the road.

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up? BRIGHT YELLOW walls with a mural of flowers on hills painted on it, very silly and childish but still cute. I had a bunk bed and a giant pink dollhouse at the time!

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years? My teenage years were Terrible because high school was terrible and my mental health took a nosedive, but around 18 I graduated and started to gain a little bit of balance back. Overall not a great bunch of years, though.

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.She acts a lot like a roommate. I love her a lot, and she does try her best, but she’s still considerably emotionally abusive and I really need to move away from her.

Onions: Tell about your dad. He liked to fish and hunt, and he was a pretty good dad even though he could have some really bad anger flareups at times. He died when I was 8, so i don’t really remember much.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents. The only one I know well is my dad’s mom, and we have..a complicated relationship. She’s not the worst, but she can be manipulative and guilt trippy and had a huge hand in me getting bpd. She likes to cook, and she works at a gas station.

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable? I can’t remember things by date easily fasdflkj;ds??This last birthday Riot was here though, so that made it special!

Peony: What was your first job? I haven’t had a true job yet, disability makes it hard.

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any? I met Riot in a homestuck kin server, funnily enough, and Norski was a very close friend of mine in my steven universe rp days! We reconnected and a spark came with it, and the rest is history!

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain? I usually compartmentalize until I have some quiet time by myself to listen to music and cry and vent art and rant some of it out. I prefer to physically be by myself, it’s easier to externalize it that way, but I will text people and ask for help if I need to talk. I’m still learning how to handle it in a healthy way instead of being self destructive.

Pink: Where is home? Anywhere the people I love are

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? If I had influence over whatever I wanted to change? I’d stop T///rump getting elected lol

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them. My former Spanish teacher was a tiny little woman, but still commanded respect in her own way. She was always kind, encouraged creativity, and tried to make things interesting and exciting. She wasn’t afraid to disagree with her boss if he was immoral, and she kept the wellbeing of her students as a priority. I will never forget her gentle, respectable, fun nature.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life. I have a job as a successful therapist, helping people heal from their trauma. I come home in the evening to my husbands. We are financially comfortable, our closest friends live next door and visit often. We have a decent number of pets, and are preparing to try for children. We cook dinner together and laugh the whole time, then snuggle close and settle in for a movie. Trauma and pain isn’t anywhere in our minds, our humble home is clean and warm. There’s nothing to be immediately afraid of.

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child? I believed in dragons until I was like. 15.

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life? My boyfriends and my best friend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound? My boyfriends’ laughter!Honorable mentions are thunderstorms, muffled talking in distant rooms, and snow crunching underfoot

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory? The day me and Riot asked out Norski and we were all dumb stupid gays flustering all over each other. Also! Riding out to Texas to see Riot the first time and him trying to jump on me but just panicking immediately over the height. I actually have a few favorites, now that I think about it..

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory? I have trauma, so, there’s a few of them..Some I won’t mention here.Aside from those, definitely the memory of the, horrible hollow feeling funerals have for me. It’s always so cold and empty feeling, just. Absence.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want? A big hug, a nap, and chicken nuggets when I wake up

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? If I’m talking to someone I trust, i can be very honest and expressive. Otherwise I generally cover up a lot of my true feelings in favor of being agreeable and easy to deal with

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without? My cellphone and headphones, I don’t function well without access to music

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night? Like…8 hours? I’m super sleepy right now though.

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning? To see my friends and boyfriends, and to try and make the day interesting!

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job? I don’t have one, I just take care of the house

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing? My Perfect Circle t shirts, my high school hoodie, and and my Soul Eater jacket!

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic. Abandoned cities with plants climbing up the walls of the empty buildings, neon signs still flickering and buzzing as the rain pours around them, water filled with glittering and colorful fish as it reflects the stars overhead.

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you? A stuffed animal will almost NEVER fail!

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now? I’m not especially stressed for once, though, I’m always worried about the people I’m close to, and kinda nervous about the possibility of losing someone.

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called? I haven’t read a lot of physical books lately, mostly just fanfic.,,.I read Pinestar’s choice at some point not long ago?

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?…I really don’t know? There’s a lot of possibilities. Mostly I just hope I’m happier, and have recovered further from shit in the past. I hope me and my boys are still getting better, and I still have my friends. That’d be enough.

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Tragically, yes

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I’ve taken like 2 hours to answer all of these because I can’t not be long winded

#skyteglad #asks #holy SHIT #anyway if anybody has questions about me chances are theyre answered here

4 notes · View notes

lore-a-lie · 7 years ago

Text

Chapter 1, Act 3: 110’37’’ (110 Minutes, and 37 Seconds)

Daily Life

Kaede was the last to enter the AV room, as she made sure to remind everyone to come down before making the trip herself. Kokichi was on Gonta’s shoulders making sure everything up there was hooked up the way Miu wanted it, while everyone else had taken what seats they could. The Monokub pads were still in the same order Kaede and Kokichi had previously agreed upon since this was their idea.

Kokichi had initially wanted to do the opposite order of who voted for what, so those who didn’t want to see the videos went first. Kaede couldn’t tell at the time if it was out of petty spite against them disagreeing with him or to give them an excuse to leave early if they really wanted to, so she decided to quietly believe the latter. That didn’t stop her from making her own changes to it, like being against keeping Ryoma’s last since he was most interested in what could be inside it.

It boiled down to Kokichi and Kaede first since they pushed for this, then Miu so she could go back to her projects if she felt she needed to. That did result in Kokichi pestering what she had commissioned from the inventor but he eventually dropped it in favor of focusing on the task at hand. Ryoma was most eager so he would be next, followed by Korekiyo since he was against it and they decided Maki would go last. After Korekiyo would be Kaito, Tsumugi, Kibo, Himiko, Tenko, Angie, Kirumi, and then Gonta.

“Why exactly am I the one going last?”

“So you can sit there agonizing about what we’re going to see! Duh. Nee-heehee~”

“No, that’s wrong! We agreed on this to try and respect your wishes best we could. This way if you really don’t want to see your own you can just leave without missing anything else. Angie and Kiyo still at least seemed curious about what their “motives” could be so I thought having them be earlier would be okay.” Angie was making a puffy face as she considered it before she reluctantly nodded in agreement, Korekiyo held his hand to his mask in thought for a while but eventually shrugged his own consent too.

“And so you didn’t try to kill us until after the show’s over!”

“Please don’t talk like that.” Keade scolded, but Kokichi couldn’t care less about the number of glares he got from that comment. “Is this okay with everyone?”

No one else had any objections or questions about when they were going, so when the lights went off everyone settled down to see what exactly Monokuma could have believed would drive them to kill.

“Alright! Back by popular demand, it’s time for the motive video~” Monokuma’s voice crooned out over a title screen proving it was indeed “Kokichi Oma’s Motive Video”.

As it went on it showed Kokichi and his fellow “DICE” members, all but himself in clown themed masks to protect their identities, and explained the nature of this group. How…Innocent his “secret organization” really was despite all of Kokichi’s earlier claims. Honestly, it sounds more like they were an overblown gang of pranksters than the sort of world controlling monsters he liked to paint it as being.

Only 10 members strong, indicating that the 9 masked figures seen here behind their “leader” really were just it. Sounds more like they were his best friends, maybe even practically family for him, rather than “goons” who disliked him as much as he’d claim they did.

They say you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their friends. If this video is accurate this means a lot of what he said has been lies, just trying to trick us into thinking he’s a worse person than he is. How could someone only interested in harmless, petty, nonviolent pranks possibly be enjoying a killing game?

Then the scene changed and the group of 3 girls and 6 boys were behind bars. It’s unclear how badly hurt any of them were but there was blood on their previously spotless (but still ragged) white outfits much like Kokichi’s own and at least one was lying on the floor. At the end Monokuma’s avatar appeared over that image mocking him over how little he knew about the “event” that happened to these people so precious to him, taunting him to try and find out as if graduating could help solve this.

“Well so much for being the Ultimate Evil Leader huh?” Despite his insensitive words Kaito was obviously taken aback by all of this, as if unsure what to do with this information. It made sense to her, as it shows Kokichi does understand the value of teamwork and companionship at least as well as Kaito does. His experience was just in a more close-knit, personal way than Kaito’s astronaut training opened him up to.

“Kaito! I’m… Sorry that your friends are in trouble like this Kokichi” Kaede reached out as if to try patting his shoulder but decided against it due to how closed off his body language became.

“Guess you were lying when you said no one outside would miss a little menace like you back then, huh?” (Seriously Tenko? Now is NOT the time for hateful wordplay! )

“I’m sure they’re fine, this has to be a lie! After all, if their crimes are as petty as it claims they couldn’t be in too much trouble for anything right?” Tsumugi offered to try and lighten the mood.

“Unless it wasn’t just the law they got in trouble with,” Ryoma mumbled as he stared at the screen as if he was lost in a memory of his own.

No matter what anyone said Kokichi just sat there impassively looking forward but Kaede could swear there was a sharpness in his eyes that wasn’t there before and his knuckles were nearly as white as his shirt. For all his talk he really did choose to hold off on watching his video until it was time to do it with everyone else instead of coming in with the upper hand.

As agreed upon as the second ringleader Kaede’s was next. Looks like every video’s going to start with Monokuma making explicit who the video was for by stating their name and talent, which made Maki in particular bristle for reasons unknown.

Next was an image of Kaede’s family, her mother, father, and sister smiling proudly at the camera in front of her favorite piano. She remembers when this was taken, right after her last big show before all of this happened. Then Monokuma starts talking about how close she is to them and how they’re all waiting for her to get back home. But as he starts talking about how worried they’re getting now that she’s been gone for so long without a word, the image changes.

The room’s dark, everything trashed, even her piano was broken now, but worst of all there’s no trace of where her own family has gone. He makes it sound like looking for her lead to them all getting into some sort of accident, and she’s just about ready to throttle him to find out what that is. But only Monokuma! She’d never hurt someone else over this, never her friends. (Except maybe the mastermind if I got my hands on them for causing everyone so much needless pain. For both the living and the dead. )

“Mom, Dad…”

“Wow, Kaede you really are boring aren’t you? Even your lines are sooooo cliche, I think you need to hire a better writer.”

“Oh so now the clown prince of crime has something to say? Leave her alone, this is no laughing matter!” Tsumugi came to her defense this time, only barely beating Kaito to the punch. And in a less literal sense at that, given how his fist is raised.

“But he doesn’t have any scars-” (Seriously Miu, that’s what you’re choosing to take from all this?)

“He wasn’t a clown, that doesn’t count-”

“Can we not ignore Kaede’s plight in favor of arguing about comics right now? This is serious you guys” Kaito managed to get everyone back on track. It was nice to see Tsumugi restrain herself from getting off topic while it lasted, particularly to try helping someone else for a change.

“Indeed, the loss of a family member is no small matter, even if it’s only a vague possibility. At the very least it didn’t show them in any kind of direct distress, that sort of damage to the room could be easily staged or done when they were gone. However I don’t recall you mentioning a sister before, is she your twin perhaps? You both look remarkably similar.” Korekiyo’s offered distraction of a more pleasant type of reminiscing was greatly appreciated so Kaede gladly took it.

“Y-yeah, we’re twins but she’s a bit younger. We get along great, even though I think she’s... kinda bitter she didn’t also turn out to be some sort of Ultimate like I am? Since it’d put me in the spotlight so much, and would end up with her either getting ignored or mistaken for me which is the worst. I mean it’s one thing when we’d want that to happen, but when it’s a genuine mistake it’s just frustrating and awful... We’d do the “twin switch” trick a lot when we were younger, but all our folks ever had to do to tell us apart was stick us in front of a piano, it didn’t even matter what type.”

“Aww, lucky I’ve always someone I could do that with! Hey, Tsumugi do you want to try it sometime with me?” Tenko eagerly asked, cooing about how “cute” it could be.

“Ah, you do remember the Cospox right? That won’t really work out I’m afraid, not unless we both dress up as the same fictional character. A bit of a shame since it does sound pretty fun. Maybe we can think of something similar to do with everyone later?”

“Oh, I think that’s a great idea! We could make a great big party out of it, and everyone can wear fancy outfits! I can do the decorations if Gonta and Ryoma will help me get supplies and put them up~” Angie said.

“I-isn’t that kinda random? And it sounds like a lot of work…” (Himiko says that but she does look interested. Maybe she’d like the chance to have us as an audience for one of her magic shows?)

“Well, it’s an idea for another time at any rate. With how the videos may be we might need this sort of random levity if we can find a way to get everyone involved. Maybe even show off what we can do for each other if we want.” Kaede suggested since it sounded like a fun way to get together for everyone.

“More work for me to do? Let a girl catch a fuckin’ break guys, my stamina's good don’t get me wrong, but even I have my limits. Speaking of let’s just get my vid started so I can leave already okay? Your little “talent show” can come later, just like-”

Right on her cue, Miu’s video did just that, Monokuma’s voice being appreciated for once as no one wanted to know how exactly she was going to finish that thought. (Please let her motive be cleaner than the rest of her.)

All that was seen was what looked like a workshop of sorts. All sorts of half finished projects and equipment could be seen but it’s hard to tell what any of it was supposed to do. Monokuma starts going on and on about how wasted all of her work’s going to be if she can’t leave and get back to them. How no one else cares enough to realize they even exist, much less how to make them carry on her legacy.

He even starts naming a few, a machine that can safely recycle those cheap plastic bags no one knows what do with into things like medical gloves or… Condoms??? Another that would help clean and regulate water supplies when resources are low. Even some that sound like they’re meant primarily for emergency relief efforts or helping the handicapped. But only if they’re finished, they’re useless like this. He goes on to claim she’s useless like this. And how badly the world might need some of these now due to an “event” going on that he refuses to clarify.

“... That’s it?” Tenko breaks the silence that followed.

“WHATT’YA MEAN THAT’S IT YOU BASTARD?! Those are my babies we’re talking about! Do you have any idea how many people I could help with those? I mean sure obviously my “while you sleep” series was my most recent pride and joy, but only because I couldn’t get the headway I wanted on any of those other suckers. I promise they are going to definitely blow those measly little “eyedrop contact” designs I sold way back right outta the fuckin’ water!”

“Wow, that’s really impressive Miu! I had no idea you cared about other people this much.” Kibo looks pretty proud of her actually. This was a surprisingly mature motive for an egotistical and rude girl like her. In a different sort of way than her fellow students were expecting her to be “mature” at any rate.

“Well duh, why do you think I’m willing to let you fuckers give me requests without charging you out the ass for ‘em in this situation?”

“But… Aren’t you even a little concerned there wasn’t anyone in it?” Angie brought up, which was a good point. The only thing seen in the video were her machines, no friends, family, or coworkers.

“What’s that supposed to mean jailbait?”

“Yeah, everyone else so far had people they obviously cared a lot about and cared about them, so where’s your parents or anything?” (Tenko I’m not sure this is the best thing to be asking about now.)

“Who fucking needs ‘em? Barely do jack for me anyways except give me shit because I point out how school’s a fuckin’ waste of my precious time now.”

“Talk about an ungrateful brat.” Maki’s voice had a new sharpness to it, beyond her normal bluntness. Not that she wasn’t always honest, something just felt more personal this time. (I guess someone who never had any parents would be pretty upset hearing someone else complain about being cared about.)

“H-hey. Th-that’s not true, my work more than earned my keep. They’re the ones who-!”

Miu cut herself off as her voice cracked and Kibo tried to help calm her down. No one bothered asking why there weren’t any of her friends at that point. Given who she is this should have been obvious, but the idea she was this alone regardless of if it was by her own doing was a sobering reality nobody wanted to address. The only other sounds until the next video started was a quiet sniffling.

Ryoma’s video started the same way as those before it, but something clearly went wrong. All that was there when his name and talent were stated was a Monokuma in a yellow hard hat in front of a black screen with yellow “under construction” tape running along the top and bottom. And when he spoke again-

“Unfortunately there is no one in the world who is important to you.”

It didn’t matter what “sympathies” or “apologies” Monokuma gave after that sentence, the damage was done. (It doesn’t even matter if this is real or a lie this time.)

“... I don’t know why I expected anything else.”

“Holy shit. I’m… I am so sorry Ryoma, I had no idea.” Kaede was too stunned to say much else. It was her fault he had to see this.

If only they looked through the videos first, then maybe- No, Ryoma wanted to see this too much for anything to be done barring them trying to make one up, and who knows how that would have gone. Some leader I'm turning out to be, doing my friends more harm than good again .

“Hey, at least this means if you do have people outside that means they’re completely safe from Monokuma!” Tenko tried giving this her own positive spin, but all she was doing was kicking up dust.

“Atua agrees, and wants to remind you that you aren’t as alone as you fear. He says she’s still watching over you and everyone’s wishing you well from the other side-”

“Tell your god to shut up and mind his own business.” (What the hell Angie, what were you expecting him to say to that?! What are you even talking about? You’re as in the dark as the rest of us aren’t you?)

“Well, you do still have your cat right? The Russian blue you talked about before? I’m sure they’re waiting for you and Monokuma just overlooked ‘em because it’s a cat!” Even for Kokichi this attempt at a kind lie sounded pretty weak, and he realized it too, but he was still trying to help the best way he knew how.

I wonder if it’s because he’s feeling just as guilty about this? He was more likely to have peeked at these than I was and we both knew it. This was his plan. How could we have known not all of these videos would be “motives” to get us to commit a murder?

“Are you sure a familiar wouldn’t be enough to count? Miu’s didn’t have humans in it either-”

“Come on man, it’s a fuckin’ cat! That’s way harder to find than my glorious resume, of course this sad sack of shit couldn’t find ‘em. Why’d you think guys have so much trouble finding puss-” It was nice to see Miu managed to bounce back to normal at any rate. Kibo was still holding her hand but she sounded as strong and assured as she always did. Just not nice enough for Korekiyo to let her finish her sentence.

“Do not forget, we all promised to remain friends when we leave this place did we not? Regardless of those who are gone you do still have us here for you should you find yourself in need of our support.” His words here were rather unexpected, normally it’s Kaede to be the first to push the value of this promise. (He was the one that said being a bit insensitive was useful for “avoiding suicidal thoughts”, wasn’t he? Is... Is this hitting too close to home for him too? What if Ryoma’s video isn’t the only like this?)

“Aren’t there some prisons that let you have pet cats too? For therapeutic purposes as I recall. If you must return to prison when this is over we can all try to give a good word for you to have you transferred to one if you’d like.”

And with that, any progress towards a lighter mood they may have been making was gone at Kirumi’s words. The uncomfortable truth hung in the air, souring any positive notions for what’s “outside”.

“Oh fuck. Right, prison’s a thing ain’t it? We’ll be sure to visit you too, as much as we can, okay man?” As well-intentioned as Kaito’s words were it didn’t seem like anything being said was helping Ryoma that much.

But his eyes weren’t as hopelessly empty and blank as they had been when the film first ended, hearing how many people here tried to speak up for his sake, so Kaede considered it a small victory and made a promise to herself to spend more time with him from now on. (Will that make things better or worse? Will it be seen as concern or pity? Will there even be enough time for this to matter anymore?)

That awkward silence stayed until Korekiyo’s video started up. There was something already a bit off about this one, as Monokuma started off talking as if he found this, rather than make it himself, and is making it sound like he’s doing Korekiyo some sort of favor by showing it to him.

This video is an actual video for a change, not the static images with basic animations and voice over of the previous. Ironic the history nerd’s motive is technically the most high-tech, as low as the quality the film may be, as he might have appreciated the more Kamishibai-esque natures of the others. (That’s what that was called right? The thing with the traveling picture based storytellers who’d give candies to children to get them to listen. Maybe not the best comparison, not exactly my field here.)

A young woman appeared in some sort of hospital bed, and this time she’s the one doing the talking rather than Monokuma. She’s clearly addressing her little brother, but something feels very off here. It starts normally enough, she’s repeating some of what the doctors told her, how it isn’t looking good, and that she doesn’t want him to feel guilty over anything since he can’t be there right now. Sounds like they might even be the only family they have right now too, as she doesn’t breathe a word about any parents or other relatives. (But that wouldn’t explain where the money came from for the equipment or his trips.)

But then while it’s like she’s trying to give him advice to stay calm despite how bad her situation is, it almost feels like she’s coaching him on what to do to. “You mustn’t” this, “You mustn’t” that, all in order to hide how he’s feeling from others. And it takes no time at all for him to try and start doing what she says too, though all it really does is keep him quiet at the moment.

He did mention she made his current “uniform” too because she didn’t think his previous one “suited him” right? This is feeling… A bit more controlling than I previously thought. I mean no one would blame him for being upset, none of us have been told our loved one is dying no matter what we do. What sort of motive is this?

Right as it seemed like she was just about done with what she wanted to say, finishing with telling him how much she loves him and how no matter what she’ll always be looking out for him best she can, she’s interrupted by her own coughing.

Her fits’ nearly as violent as Korekiyo’s own shaking, which only gets worse at the sight on the screen. The sight of blood on her hands. Her blood on white sheets.

It’s as doctors start to rush in to try and help, alerted by the machines going off, that the visuals of the video finally cut off. But it isn’t a Monokuma avatar with a vague warning that appears at the end here, just his sister’s voice one last time over the black empty space.

“But remember Korekiyo. Most of all... You mustn’t forget your promise to me. ”

There’s almost a chill in the air at those words, regardless of what this “promise” may be. Even so, despite everything Kiyo’s still clearly trying to maintain his posture and keep quiet like she told him to, even if it isn’t working that well. It even sounds like he may be on the verge of hyperventilating under his mask as Kaede tries nudging his arm to get his attention. It’s not clear if he notices thanks to the layers he’s wearing as he just keeps hugging himself tightly.

“I’m so sorry Kiyo. I had no idea your sister was doing this poorly. No wonder you wanted to get back home to her as soon as you could.” Kiyo starts a bit at Kaede’s words, it looks like he nearly forgot he wasn’t alone.

“I-... Yes, I had mentioned that already hadn’t I?”

“At least we can see the creepy’s just a thing that runs in the family, eh Gimpy?” (What the fuck Miu?! Even if you’re just trying to help lighten the mood that’s uncalled for right now!)

“ I beg your pardon? ” (Yikes. Okay, note do not risk insulting his sister to his face. Ever. He’s scary enough when he doesn’t look ready to kill someone thanks.)

“She did come across as a bit... Intense, didn’t she? B-but I don’t think Monokuma would use this as a “motive” for you if she wasn’t still at least a little okay, right?” (Oh god Tsumugi why, this is Not Helping.)

“Being so spirited in such a state would appear to be a good sign for her overall health and recovery, even if that ending was… Ominous. How long has she been like this if that’s alright to ask?” (Okay thank you Kibo, that helped calm him down a little somehow, his breathing is more even now. Less ragged.)

“She’s been prone to illness since she was a child, some of my earliest memories of her were from visiting her at one hospital or another. This case was rather… different than most of her previous conditions however.”

“What exactly was the promise she talked about?” Angie has an odd look on her face, like something’s troubling her more than the tone that came up with this “promise”. As if she’s only half listening.

“... She was always lonely and often bedridden, so she wanted me to help her… Make new friends while on my travels. So she wouldn’t need to be so alone anymore, even when I was away. Only female companionship though, she was rather adamant on that part, and I’m more than happy to help her.”

Then why did this sound so much more serious than that? That’s kinda a weird thing to make be her parting words, is Monokuma trying to guilt him by making it sound like she thought he hasn’t kept that promise? If she is gone and I’m the first person he’s asked who agreed to it that might be true He’s got some light back into his eyes now at least, he’s even sounding more like himself again.

“At least she has excellent taste! Limiting herself of the stresses and troubles degenerate males cause will surely help her get better soon. I could try visiting if that might help her too, I’m often told my energy’s “infectious”!” (I don’t think that was meant as a good thing Tenko. Given how his mask twitched it must have been a good enough pun to get a smile from him at least. Unless that’s a grimace. Still progress!)

“If you mean to insinuate my own presence causes her issue I must strongly disagree on that front, as I’m the most consistent company she’s ever had by far. I believe her reasoning was less about worries towards her physical safety as much as it is cultural norms regarding social interactions between genders and her definite lack of female contact in general beyond that of medical professionals.”

“Wow. This explains so much. The weird girliness, the creepy face mask, the sister comple-ow” For Kokichi’s safety Kaede cut him off with a warning jab and a glare. Thankfully Korekiyo missed what he was getting at towards the end, so for now Kokichi gets to live to see another day after all. (Hopefully. If he’s lucky.)

“I could do a show at her hospital… That tends to bring spirits up. Not sure if her problem’s something my level of cure spells can cover at the moment though, sorry…”

“If there isn’t anything too wrong with it we could all give her a visit! She can’t mind some guys stopping by once in awhile right?” (Okay even if boys could be okay you might be a bit much for her Kaito.)

“... Thank you all for your consideration. Shall we move on to the next video now?”

Kiyo definitely seemed less distraught than he did at the start now, but something still felt off. He was still only speaking of his sister in the past tense, made more concerning by how his sister’s footage makes his video feel older than the others have so far, but at least he was making future plans. Albeit only ones that can happen if his sister’s still stable when everyone gets out, and not ones that directly involve him.

It does feel less awkward to think of him as “Kiyo” now, so at least some of this as a bonding experience is working right? Or maybe it’s because of how wrong his name sounded when his sister was saying it. Not really looking forward to meeting her anymore, but I can’t really afford to tell him that yet. Too soon.

Kaito’s was next to come. A photo of him in his astronaut gear standing between an elderly couple appears that Monokuma identifies as his grandparents. It changes to the couple sitting on a couch looking concerned, and like Kiyo’s this is actually real footage of them, though it’s less grainy than his video was.

They talk about how all they want is for him to never give up and keep on living, not just for himself but for them too. Monokuma’s voiceover then cuts in and claims the two got into some kind of accident right after this interview, but as is typical he refuses to go into any more detail than that.

“Oh, wow Kaede I’m sorry. Really I am! Kaito’s is waaay more boring than your video was.”

“OI SHUT THE HELL UP YOU BRAT-”

“Easy there Kaito, you’re fine and I’m sure they are too. They certainly looked safer than other examples so far yeah?” Kaede put a hand on his shoulder and helped push him back into his seat, saving Kokichi’s face from a punch to the jaw for at least a few minutes longer. Hopefully. For a boy with such a cute face he sure doesn’t care much about keeping it that way.

“If they don’t know about the killing game, why would they be so concerned about you “surviving”?” Maki’s voice cut in like a knife. “Is there something you aren’t telling us?”

“Jeez Maki Roll, you worry too much. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it and it’s pretty cute for you, but it’s not like that. It’s just astronaut training’s very stressful and the job itself is dangerous ya’know? They’ve always been a coupla worry warts, no biggie.”

“What have I told you about calling me that?”

If looks could kill, his grandparents would be very upset with all of us right now. But she isn’t objecting to the fact she cares which is a lot of progress for her! Great job Kaito. Now PLEASE stop trying to make your way to an early grave for once?

“Oh gawd, please take this weird flirting elsewhere so we can move along already, okay?” (Kokichi why does it feel like I’m putting more work into keeping you alive than you are!?)

One strongly restrained but furious Maki and a securely duct taped Kokichi later everyone was indeed ready for the next video. Time to see if Tsumugi can win out in the contest for “least interesting motive video” or if for once she won’t be able to claim to be the plainest person in the room.

Its opening was as plain as one could expect for her, an image of Tsumugi with one of her cosplaying groups with Monokuma talking about how much she loves working with them. Sounds like they even did other types of fanworks too, something about writing and designs.

Most of the references flew of Kaede’s head since she couldn’t really identify “who” anyone was meant to be or if this was what they genuinely looked like. Then came the transition to a shot of where they worked in tatters, much like Kaede’s, with one of their abandoned buttons with a streak of blood on it in a way Kaede’s fairly certain she’s seen on a graphic novel cover somewhere before. (I don’t recognize this logo though. Is it DR as in “Doctor” or an abbreviation for a multi-word title? That red mark feels familiar, like it’s on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t place it.)

“And here comes the “oh no some event happened! Find out what, next time on Monokuma’s mystery theater!” teaser at the end just like all the others, see? Nothing special.” Tsumugi says this but she’s clearly nervous about what she’s seen. It’s impressive what a brave face she’s been able to keep, though it may help unlike the rest of them she has had time to process this already.

“I’m suddenly grateful he didn’t actually try to call them that.” Kaede joked before asking, “Still, aren’t you worried more about them? It looked to me like seeing that button freaked you out a little.”

“W-well of course I am, I mean there was blood on it and everything! But I’m a part of a lot of groups you know? So if one of them was in trouble I’m sure one of the others would be trying to help them out, since there’s a lot of loose connections like that with us. I don’t think Monokuma could have possibly done something to all of my close friends since a bunch of them aren’t even in Japan, so I’m just… Choosing not to think about it.”

As she didn’t look too worried about all of this the group quickly let the topic drop. Avoidance may not be the best response to have in a situation like this, but at least it isn’t anything more dangerous.

As the videos had hit an almost pleasant lull in their severity everyone decided to take an intermission, to stretch their legs and whatnot. Despite earlier concerns though no one decided to stop watching with the others though, even Miu claimed she wanted to stick around to at least see Kibo’s since her workload wasn’t that bad now that she thought about it. (I wonder if that means she’s nearly finished already?)

On the way out to the hallway, Kaede pulled Ryoma aside.

“H-hey, listen about the video-”

“I’m not going to do anything stupid if that’s what you’re worried about. Nothing’s really changed for me after all. I won’t be putting everyone’s lives in danger over something like this.” (Ouch. I wasn’t really thinking about what might happen if a body was found without a murderer. That could be dangerous.)

“I wasn’t- I didn’t think you were going to. I just wanted to make sure you know how much we really do care about you. You may try to keep all of us away but you’re still our friend here. Nothing you’ve shown to us indicates you are a bad person, no matter what you may have done in the past. So please, why not let us get to know you? This might sound selfish or arrogant but… Maybe we can become your reason for living if you can’t find one on your own.”

“You’re right, that does sound pretty selfish. But in an honest, naive kinda way. I… Appreciate what you’re trying to say. Thank you. I’ll think about it. But I promise I’m not going to do anything drastic. I’m not sure Kiyo can say the same thing. He’s weird, and something about him has never really felt right to me, but you might want to check in with him next if this is going to be a “thing” for you right now. I don’t think he’s a bad kid, and I may be reading things wrong here, but his motive seemed more like mine than one to lead to a murder if you know what I mean. And unlike Miu, he isn’t all that close to anyone in particular from what I’ve seen.” (Well with how creepy he is that is kinda expected. But he’s right.)

“Yeah, I thought as much too. Thank you, Ryoma. And if you ever need to talk I’ll listen, okay?”

He gave a bit of a smile as he walked away. Far from a happy grin but less melancholic than those before, probably meant to comfort Kaede more than anything else. It looked like Kaito was running up to him too, probably with something similar to say. She overheard the word “training” but not much else, so it sounded like maybe he was setting up a way to spend more time with the former tennis star. Kaede couldn’t really focus on that though as she tried finding where Kiyo’s gone off to.

She didn’t need to go very far as it turns out as he was muttering to himself in the library across the way.

Looking around in the corner Rantaro died in. It’s still a small comfort the books were put back to how they probably were originally rather than in that death tr No. Not. Now. This is much more important.

“You okay there Kiyo?” Kaede softly asked, but the answer was obvious as he nearly jumped and seemed to wipe away some tears before he turned to face her.

“A-ah, hello! I hadn’t heard you come in, my apologies. I’m doing better I believe, nothing to be overly worried about I assure you.”

Nope, he stuttered and I was the one able to sneak up on him for a change. That’s enough to be at least a little worried about, even if he didn't look like he's been crying. Not that I haven’t heard him when he’s come up to me before nope, definitely have never been spooked by a certain creepy too tall ninja man. Which is kinda weird come to think of it, with how good my hearing is and the fact that he’s always wearing those heavy boots FOCUS KAEDE!

“Well if you’re sure. I just wanted to let you know that if you need someone to talk to or anything you can always come to me about it okay? I’m sorry you had to see something like that.”

“Thank you, that is very kind of you to offer. But I’ll be alright... I was just getting a book to read later, in case the films to come make sleep difficult to reach tonight.” (More like the one you've already seen, but okay.)

“Hmm, that sounds like a good idea. What exactly do they have here?”

The ten-minute break passed by pretty quickly like that, since there were a lot of books to look through and most of them looked dreadfully boring. Kaede did find a cute looking romance novel though, which would hopefully come in handy. She couldn’t really tell what the book Kiyo found was about, as the title was in Russian or something. The mood in the AV room certainly felt better now than it did before their intermission, as everyone began coming back in to see what else Monokuma had in store for them.

First Chapter Previous Chapter Index AO3 Version Next Chapter

3 notes · View notes

theblueteletubby · 8 years ago

Text

get to know me

 I was tagged by the lovely @bleusarcelle, so here I am, a few days late

Five Things In My Bedroom: -books. so many books -the basics(my bed, dresser, a lamp) -my dream catcher got from my sis -flowerpot on my window -glow in the dark stars

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life: -complete my bucket list -adopt -leave a lasting impact on the world -stop being a mess -become some sort of political figure so I can change and/or implement laws

Five Things That Make Me Happy: -the end of the day when I can hop into my bed and go to sleep -reading while listening to music -rain -when I can successfully talk to a bunch of people without turning into a joke to stop them from realizing I'm the joke -chickens

 Five Things On My To-Do List: -lol -I don't have a to-do list -I'm a big mess -probably make a to-do list

Five Things People May Not Know About Me: -I'm ambidextrous -a synesthete(spefically hearing-vision and mirror touch) -I have mild social anxiety, even though it may not seem like it, since I'm "confident and not self-conscious" -when people hate on me, it has no effect. Like, I seriously don't get hurt, even if my family insult me. Idk why. so I'm kinda apathetic? hmm

 Name?: Whale Nicknames?: WC, the worst™, and more recently, MJ Zodiac?: im a cusp. also I'm changing my birthday, so wait a bit lol Sexual Orientation?: ace. side note: my romantic orientation is going under some construction. all I know is that I'm a bit gay and also demiromantic Ethnicity?: all over tbh Favourite Fruit?: fruit and ora would kill me if I said apples/oranges. so pomegranates Favourite Season?: Spring. Favourite Flower?: frangipanis are the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen. Favourite Scent?: rain and apple blossom trees. One just bloomed near my house, so I'm in heaven. Favourite Animal?: chickens. this should be obvious by now lol Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: coffeee. I seriously would die without coffee. hnghhh Cat or dog?:Chickens. Dream Trip?: going on an around the world scavenger hunt, all expense paid. Number of Followers?: idk. It really doesn't matter to me. I haven't been to logistics since I edited my blog a few months back. What do I post about?: i shitpost, scream about my many, many fandoms(mostly voltron, Broadway musicals, miraculous ladybug, a variety of webcomics, dr who, sometimes video games and yoi, a lot of other things) Do I get asks on a regular basis?: nope. I don't really know what anyone would ask me about though? I don't really post my content. I will soon though Favourite Band?: Again, nope. I don't have a favorite band. I do like a multitude of genres though. Aesthetic?: nah. I don't really have an aesthetic. It's my mindset to see beauty in everything, even just a little. Fictional Character I’d Date?: don't really want to date them, but I'd love to be friends with a lot of them. probably pidge from vld, and Connor from dear Evan Hansen Hogwarts House?: I really, really dislike Harry Potter. I read all the books, but in my opinion it's not the best of the best. I don't believe in all its hype. So nope.

Rules: BOLD or star the statements that are true for you! 

APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller (i really don't know. Last I checked I was 5'6. So yup, probably) I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair (I cut my hair last summer after it got irritating. It's now chin length.) My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people(semi true. Depends on how much social interacting I'd done) People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me(borderline altruistic tbh. I would die for some of my really close friends. I'm sure of that.) I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it(all the FUCKING TIME. it's like I can't stop, and it sounds so sincere people give me double takes) There is something I would change about my personality (so much)((but at the same time, I know I'm okay))

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument(I did piano for three months. And flute for a year. Does that count? I'm counting it) I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well(one day I'll post my stuff)(one day) I have a good memory(actually, another interesting fact. I inherited my moms photographic memory. I remember insanely well, at least things I see that are written down. It's been tested and stuff) I’m good at doing math in my head(i really hate math though) I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch(im family friends with Muhammad Ali's bodyguard, Shaykh Neelain. He gave a bunch of us a class a couple years back, so that was fun)

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol(I don't drink) I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting(many times. Most recently, 13 reasons why) I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know(hmm, kinda? Idk if it really counts as a crush) I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily (it's hard for me to tell if I like people in a romantic or platonic sense, so I just let those feelings fester till I can't tell. In that sense, I crush easily) I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend(platonic feelings! whoop whoop! hah no)

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”(yeah no. I have good friends, but there's isn't really one person I click with.) I live close at my school My parents are still together(separating, actually. It's really stressful because I can't really talk with anyone about it, so I just keep it to myself.) I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CD’s I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages(trilingual, actually. Also, I'm learning Esperanto, so almost quadrilingual) I have made a new friend in the past year

And that's about it folks. Idk why anyone would want to know me better, but there we go. So I'm just going to tag anyone who pops up. If you want to get tagged, then just say I tagged you. Um @meemerd, @substantiallyhygge, @panicking-chemicals, and @auroraangel900

#longpost #rip

1 note · View note

bigbadwolf619 · 8 years ago

Photo

Bheriya Smokes/Tawagoto

Age: 48 (Physically looks 21 as she does not age)

{Bheriya: The Ladies love it}

Race: Wolfman/Demigod

{Bheriya: hey don’t mention the God part}

Gender: Male

{Bheriya: You better believe it}

Occupation: Supernatural Hunter/Hired Pirate/Wrestler/Demon Hunter/Mercenary/Universal Hunter

{Bheriya: Does being a sexy dog count?}

Personality: Overconfident, cocky while being a big womanizer, tends to make out with many attractive dangerous women of different races, especially ones he rescues, loves to fire guns of many types, especially his 2 special gun, can be sadistic towards his enemies in fights, doesn’t take life seriously and tend to joke around, quick to anger especially when drunk with Devil’s Rum, loves Remnant for having so many attractive women of different type, even evil ones, he is actually very honest for a killer, loves to get paid and then have sex with women, most of the time does not react to his pain if he gets impaled or hurt as he just walks it off quite quickly while regenerating, gets excited if an attractive woman attacks him and teases them dodging or blocking, falls for Queen Alpha and doesn’t care about her status, dislikes Kurai but cares for her as a sibling, respects Muetre for his power and strength along with his sly ways, even as a killer he is very smart and knows many languages thanks to Muetre and Gus, talk to his imaginary wolf a lot who somehow came to reality so others can hear and see while able to pet him, doesn’t care if the racist term “doggy” or “dog” is used on him, hates his other 6 half-siblings, hates his Father Rougarou the Wolf God

{Bheriya: Eh he was a dick anyway}

Skills/Power: As a Wolfman, Bheriya possesses claws and agility as well as good hearing and sniffing like his kind , but as a Demigod he has many powerful abilities along with being physically super strong and nearly invulnerable regenerating body that most of the time cannot take damage and when he does take damage he mostly shrugs it off as if it was nothing and carries on attacking, he can actually tear time and space and pull out a crazy weapon out depending where he is, it is actually random whatever he pulls out, even he doesn’t know what he is pulling out but does so anyway, Bheriya can move really fast while able to take on any punishment, his power lets his body generate thunder whenever his angry, he has knowledge on the Devil’s Tongue and can speak in it to cause destruction, Bheriya also knows curses and Reaper abilities thanks to Muetre, he can tear an enemies soul out with his bare-hand, use Reaper Vision to see into the past or little of the future, of an area or someone, Reaper Storage where can store anything in another realm and summon when he wants to, Reaper Travel that lets him click his fingers to instantly teleports wherever he wants to go, his greatest power is his Wolf God form which makes him take on the form of a dark wolf that changes appearance randomly whenever he triggers it, something it would be bigger or smaller, sometime it has extra limbs or can even cover the whole sky, he has the ability to summon many spiritual wolves to aid him and when he howls to the Moon he will become stronger and more wild with his senses enhanced, he has the ability to copy the powers and weapons of his enemies he kills quite like Megaman/Skillfully he can uses both blades and guns while able to withstand their effects as Gabriel’s Rage was so powerful in destroying in it’s shot that it could tear the users arm off, but Bheriya’s strength can withstand it, Joker’s Laugh drives the user to insanity making them laugh so much, but Bheriya’s already insane nature makes him already adjusted with the SMG, Bheriya is very skilled in using in Hooksword which he can duplicate and throw many times as he wants, he can even enlarge the blade to huge or small sizes, this isn’t the blades ability, it is actually Bheriya doing this somehow

{Bheriya: Why have 1 when you can have 100?}

Weapons/Tools: Many supernatural firearms Gus has made for him, Gabriel's Rage Handgun that can decimate a target or object, Joker’s Laugh SMG which starts off weak but then gets stronger from continuous shooting shredding through the enemy and objects rapidly, this depends on the users sanity, if the are mad then the SMG is stronger, the Hooksword Bheriya took from 1 of his Slavers which are used to torture and discipline Slave Wolfmens, he has 2 on him usually as he can duplicate the blades, he has weapons that he also collected from the Demon Lords and Devils he killed along with other enemies

{Bheriya: If you can do it in video games, why not real life?}

Backstory: {Bheriya: I’m narrating my on Bio here, Ahem...}

I'm Smokes, Bheriya Smokes, before I became a badass or the member of Smokes Enterprise I was a slave, like every other Wolfman, in Ravage Wolfmens were common, nothing like Remnant or fuckin Conton, there were also Gods, 5 Gods to be exact who watched over the world and made sure Hell remained closed, though they weren't really Gods they were seen as that as the real God the Creator was basically the "do your owns shit while not helping sort of guy", but besides that the world, was alright, had nothing to worry about...well 500 years ago anyway, something happened, it wasn't only Ravage, but other worlds

Though Ravage got most of the shit put on it, most of the Gods were somehow killed by an unknown force, only 1 survived, the Wolf God Rougarou, but because the Ethereal World was destroyed he could not use his full-power, so he went mad and sort a vessel to use so he can use his power again, to do this he would need to plant his seed in a poor woman's womb to have a child to take over, but to be sure this works, he raped 7 women, 1 had me, her name was Yorokobi from the East, a woman of the Church a pretty woman...but a bitch, I mean I can't blame her she got raped by a mad dog, out of anger and being kicked out of the Church for having me, she threw me away and I ended up in a Slave Camp of Wolfmens Now the reason why the Wolfmens were getting all the shit was because the God that supports a.k.a the asshole Father of mines was causing trouble and they blamed us for the shit he's done, assholes

Because of that we were hunted or enslaved, we were all scared and weak...well except me, I was rebellious, our slavers were 3 Orc Lords, Jason, Grayson and Mason had as builds stuff for them and lift away things, we were only given rest if we did a decent job, we'd get tortured if we did not do well, when the Orcs found me they named me Tawagoto and to all you Japanese folks you might know what that means, I use to try to escape or not listen, so I use to get most of the punishment, this carried on for 10 years of my life, yet I wasn't scared, at all, just pissed, during that time a voice in my head started talking, and I saw a Wolf made of black smoke, he talked to me and made me feel better, I realized he wasn't real after a while, but that didn't matter

I was still there doing shit, I couldn't take it anymore, the cruel treatment, seeing your own kind killed and raped in front of you, it was driving me insane, so I tried escaping again, but once again that bastard Orc Lord Mason got in the way and because he was a fat muthafucker, he was strong but this didn't make him slow, he beat my ass again but said instead of taking me back that he would kill me instead Of course that failed miserably as my anger and desperation woke something inside of me, I saw Wolf again, I thought he couldn't do anything but he somehow bit Mason's leg and not only that Mason is able to see him, I thought I lost my mind and seeing things, but he tells me "Do it! Do it now!" I wondered what he meant before my hand transformed into a dark monster like hand and I slashed the bastard's eye out, while he was in pain I ran as fast as I can in the distance and cried in joy being free finally

I had no idea what happened to me but I broke out after all those years, after that I came to the City of Jibana, the place they claim God watches over, yeah right, he's pretty much left this world to rot what with the Demons broken loose and some living casually in the criminal underworld, sadly the Apartheid was here too and no one liked seeing a Wolfman civilized, so bad that some kids started chasing me for no reason and wanted to kick my ass, I ran but ended up in a dead end, I told them to leave me alone then they end up beating the living shit out of me, 1 even had a bat smashing my skull, they pissed me off so much that my Monster side woke up again and I shredded all those little shits up, now I know how Lucy feels, I ran from there and saw what I'm able to do, this sort of made me more crazy...but happy at the same time I realized with this power I can kill those who wrong me, I picked up a pipe as back up while trying to Master my power, I then went on killing people who tried getting at me, I even killed slavers and rescued some of my kind, of course this meant that the heat would be on my ass

The Order noticed my activity and wanted to stop me, to be honest I was kinda scared, these guys were the hunter of beasts I knew these dicks would be too strong for me, but trying to escape them was impossible, in the end I had to fight them head on with my lead pipe and claws, I managed to beat them and kill them, then put their heads on spikes to spread the word of me, after that I became known as the Butcher of Jibana killing any fools getting in my way, but the Order didn't give up in hunting me and sent their living weapons the Silver Maidens, a bunch of woman who all seem to be attractive, likely because the woman in charge of their transformation was a desperate lesbian or something, they are fused with powerful Demon Blood becoming the ultimate killing machines in Jibana, once they attacked me I thought I could beat the easily...how wrong I was

The girls turn out to be a challenge for me as I take them all on with their speed, strength and power combined, they weren't messing around, I got badly hurt but it only just pissed me off to the point that I started to kick their asses hard, I managed to overpower them but 1 of them went berserk and became an Awakened Being, I nearly got killed but my Wolf side just made me go crazy and I defeated her with my power, this stopped her healing and weakened her, I then shouted to the citizens that Jibana is mine and that no one could mess with me, no one Jibana then became my playground, I could do whatever I want and no one could stop me...except him

The man with the hat, smokes every minute with a cigar that smells like death, Muetre Smokes, during 1 of my time messing around I raided a shop and killed some people while the others ran off, I ate all their stuff and gave some to Wolf too since he was my only friend then, but when I was having fun, in comes the old man himself, it turns out that the Order couldn't actually beat me, so they got him instead, I attacked but only managed to scratch his arm, the old man was tricky and after an intense battle, he beat my ass, I then couldn't take it anymore and waited for him to kill me, but he instead offered me something, offered me a job

After a while I accepted when he mention I could be a free citizen and that I will be treated equally like everyone else, it sounded like bullshit to me but it was either accept that or be put down like a common dog, after being known as dead and renamed to my sexy name the ladies know me by, Bheriya Smokes, during my time with the old man I met up with that blood bitch Kurai, the daughter of Vlad who I hear was the big time of Ravage but got his ass handed to him by Muetre, I hear that Vlad scared Heaven and Hell so I wondered how the old man killed him and how he kicked my ass easily, I was trained by him and overtime I started to understand how to use firearms and other weapons, made by Muetre’s Engineer Gus who never shows his face, he might be fuck ugly but damn the stuff he makes is crazy, I hear her can make things in his sleep

At first I sucked, I sucked badly at my jobs, my first job was in the world of Remnant where I was suppose to find a Demon posing as a Huntsman in their world, bastard was skilled and kept cutting me up but thanks to my rage I barely managed to kill him, this was too crazy for me, when I did a job in Ravage I was attacked by another Silver Maiden but this 1 was actually tough and powerful so bad she nearly killed me by cutting off my head, I thought it was over but I wake 2 weeks after back in my new home with my head fully regenerated, Muetre had been waiting for me to wake up to say that I was fuckin up, so he said he will join me in a job, the job was to kill the 3 Orc Lords Jason, Grayson and Mason

Something in me pulsed, I felt excited, I was gonna murder the bastards who made my life a living Hell, after getting ready we went to the La Vanille Manor, the Master of the place was a half-human and half-demon named Joie Vanille who own many Wolfmen slaves as workers and maids, the prick had 10 Wolfman women dressed as maids around him all bowing at us, he found it weird that I wasn’t walking around in chains, Muetre explained to him that I was a citizen and I was his adopted son, which he found funny, a dog let off his leash, but after negotiating, Vanille had 1 of his maids show me around the barn behind the Manor where the other Slaves are, I waited for Muetre while he was talking with that dick, I then asked where the 3 Orc Lords were and the maid showed me

I saw them all, doing their usual, Jason the eldest of the brothers and the brains, he usually tortures his slaves to the point where they want to die, he breaks them badly, I would know because I’ve seen the shit he’s done, especially to me, Grayson, the middle brother who usually forced the Slaves even if they’re exhausted or tired he’d make them carry on or kill them brutally, the last and youngest 1 of them Mason, the dick who’s been tormenting me the most, being the strongest of them he usually crippled the Slaves, especially those who tried to escape, I can see the scar I gave him when I escaped, I saw Jason do the usual and attempted to rape Slave that tried to escape, I still remember what he said to me during my torture, “The only thing you will know is pain and agony”, I confronted him

While Jason pulled his pants down I called him out asking if he remembers me before I pulled out a little gun Gus put in my watch and fired at him, it wasn’t any ordinary gun, once it goes in you, you’re already dead, but before he died I said to him, “The only thing you will know is pain and death” before he bursted like a bloody balloon, Mason came out and saw me, because the gun was a 1 shot, I ran out, but I wanted to face him head on, we fought each other and he cut my pipe but I used the cut pieces to stab his knees and took his Hooksword and started cutting him up with it while smiling, it was the best moment of my life, finally payback, then I took his gun and shot his head off killing him, panicking that dick Grayson tried to escape with his bike, but I couldn’t fire at him since the gun at poor range but then I saw Graysons torso get shot off clean, I see behind me that Muetre shot him, of course the douche Vanille wasn’t happy with what we did but Muetre clicked his fingers and we disappeared

I finally felt clear and happy, they say revenge won’t make you feel better, but I felt fuckin great, after that I wanted to get better, I wanted to get stronger, so over the years Muetre has had some old friends show me how to fight, use a gun, know how to use weapons, he even tutored me shit you learn in school, taught me how to be charming, well I can be charming, in my own way if you know what I mean, he taught me how to speak and interact with people along with making me learn many languages just in case our client was foreign, I hunted many bastards down and done many jobs, I started making a rep for myself, becoming the Big Bad Wolf

During my time as a teen, my visit to the strip club when Muetre had to do talk with owner was great, I was glad a Demon was gonna attack the place because during Muetre’s meeting with the client I was kept company by many girls of different races, even Faunas, they showed me many great things and because of that I just love hot babes regardless of what race they are, so long as they’re sexy it’s fine by me, I’ll go for 1 that might try to kill me while looking gorgeous, sexy times are the best time for me, along with killing and getting paid

I found the bitch that cut my head off when I was younger, she actually had my old head on her wall, I was still pissed for that fight, so I fought her 1 more time and boy was she surprised when I ended up mutilating her ass, it was so satisfying, especially when her bravado broke, I didn’t hate the Silver Maidens after that, in fact that 1 I fought and went apeshit actually managed to turn back human, Muetre cured her when she had to be contained out of hospitality, in return she chose to become our maid, I kinda felt guilty for what i did to her by cutting her arm off, so I said to her that if she ever needed me I’ll be there to back her up

1 of my missions involved me saving a newborn baby from a sacrificial ritual in Yharnam (yes the Bloodborne world, I have been there too), but this was no ordinary baby, oh no, it was a humanoid squid baby, no-no I’m serious, I’m not bullshitting you, I mean he was kinda cute but annoying as hell, very clingy, he seem to like me so much and he kept wrapping around my head and you can imagine how much of a pain it is to shoot while that’s happening, I had to protect the little bastard, but was it over when I got him back home? No, the client then paid us to babysit the little bastard until he grows up, apparently he is a Deity, a newborn God meant to take charge of Ravage and fix it, but the problem was he only becomes 1 year older every century, so you can imagine how long he’ll be with us...fuck

You guys wonder why I hate my Dad so much right, not only did he abandon me and Mum and got her to dump me, not only did he make the Wolfmens take all the shit, he tries to fuck me over, you know how? He finds me doing a job and then tries to take my body away! The only reason he wanted to have us was he needed a vessel because unlike him, me and my half-brothers and sisters can use our power without the Ethereal Realm, because of that I hated him so much that I wanted to kill him myself and 1 day I will!

But just when you think that’s the only bad shit happening, what happens next, I get Satan interested in me, because he recognizes my Dad’s power in me, he thought that he could use me to take over Heaven, but everyone he has sent to take me has been killed by me and sent back, 1 day I was visited by my Mother who wanted to start over, she said that her insanity made her do wrong things, apparently she had another child and wanted me to join the family, but after everything I was thinking about it and after while I kinda accepted, a dumb move but I did, i told Muetre I’d retire and finish, surprisingly he was calm about it and let me off

Before I went to my Mum’s new place I was ambushed by the Demon Lords who wanted to take me to Satan, but I killed every last 1 off them, however this was actually a distraction as they actually were targeting my Mother and baby Sister’s home, I panicked and tried to get there in time, but they were butchered and killed, even after my Mother dumped me, I still got enraged for what they did to her and my sister, I was told who was responsible, a Vampire named Edward Black, after that I searched for the fucker causing a rampage around Ravage

After months of searching I found his place and wrecked it killing and butchering his army and guards, then we fought each other, he was a tough bastard and actually gave me a hard time but I ended up mortally wounding him, oh so I thought, it turned out when his blood spilled on me, it actually took control of me, he had me shoot myself with my own gun and then sent me to Hell, that dick set a trap on me, I later woke up trapped with the Chains of Judas, I couldn’t use my power or strength, Satan had his bitch Tormentum torture me until I swore to serve the bastard to help him raid Heaven, this carried on for weeks but it felt like years, I was losing my mind and getting crazy while resisting, I was even talking to Wolf in my head to calm me, but that wasn’t enough

I then realized destiny and fate can really fuck you over, that it can mess with you if it don’t like you, eventually I thought, fuck fate and fuck destiny, this is my life, I can do whatever I want my way, Chains that drains my power, fuck it I don’t need to abide by the rules or follow logic, I got so pissed that I broke out of my chains and became a Wolf God, using my new form and power I caused a rampage in the whole of Hell and killing many Demons including that bitch Tormentum, after turning back I wanted payback and hunted Satan within Hell, in the end and I found him and after our intense fight and when he tried to use the Godkiller on me, I managed to beat him and murder the son of a bitch, I took his gun and his Chariot, which turned into a Monster Truck for me and got me out of Hell

Muetre was actually waiting for me outside knowing I’d kill Satan and win in the end, after that I joined him again and started to hunt more and more, years passing by I was known by my rep and killed so many fuckers that I have the 2ND highest body count on Ravage, close to Muetre’s, after some time Kurai got kidnapped by her Uncle and the bastard that set a trap for me, I went to confront myself and save Kurai, I found Black and finally killed him, after that I became known in the other worlds too, this wolf wasn’t going to die anytime soon, badass in the hunt and sexy for the babes, oh yeah, Awooooooo!

1 note · View note

airoasis · 5 years ago

Text

The nightmare videos of childrens' YouTube ? and what's wrong with the internet today | James Bridle

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/the-nightmare-videos-of-childrens-youtube-and-whats-wrong-with-the-internet-today-james-bridle-3/

The nightmare videos of childrens' YouTube ? and what's wrong with the internet today | James Bridle

I’m James. I’m a writer and artist, and that i make work about technology. I do matters like draw existence-dimension outlines of army drones in city streets around the world, in order that individuals can to suppose and get their heads around these relatively rather tough-to-see and tough-to-consider-about applied sciences. I make matters like neural networks that predict the outcome of elections centered on weather reviews, when you consider that i am intrigued about what the exact prospects of those bizarre new technologies are.Last year, I built my own self-using auto. However when you consider that i don’t quite believe science, I also designed a lure for it. (Laughter) and i do these matters most of the time for the reason that I to find them thoroughly exciting, but in addition for the reason that I think when we talk about science, we’re generally speaking about ourselves and the best way that we realize the world. So this is a story about science. This can be a "surprise egg" video. It can be sincerely a video of any person opening up a variety of chocolate eggs and showing the toys inside to the viewer. That’s it. That is all it does for seven lengthy minutes.And i want you to detect two matters about this. First of all, this video has 30 million views. (Laughter) And the other factor is, it comes from a channel that has 6.3 million subscribers, that has a whole of eight billion views, and it is all simply extra movies like this — 30 million men and women gazing a man opening up these eggs. It sounds beautiful weird, but should you search for "shock eggs" on YouTube, it is going to tell you there is 10 million of those movies, and i think that’s an undercount. I suppose there is means, way more of these. In case you preserve looking, they are endless. There is hundreds of thousands and millions of these movies in increasingly baroque mixtures of brands and materials, and there may be increasingly of them being uploaded day-after-day. Like, this can be a strange world. Proper? However the thing is, it can be no longer adults who are staring at these videos.It’s kids, babies. These videos are like crack for sons and daughters. There may be something concerning the repetition, the consistent little dopamine hit of the reveal, that totally hooks them in. And little kids watch these videos over and time and again, they usually do it for hours and hours and hours. And if you try and take the display faraway from them, they are going to scream and scream and scream. For those who do not consider me — and i have already visible humans in the viewers nodding — should you do not feel me, to find anybody with small children and ask them, and they will comprehend in regards to the shock egg movies. So this is where we start. It can be 2018, and someone, or plenty of folks, are making use of the same mechanism that, like, facebook and Instagram are making use of to get you to preserve checking that app, and they’re utilizing it on YouTube to hack the brains of very babies in return for promoting sales. At the least, i hope that’s what they’re doing. I am hoping that is what they may be doing it for, on the grounds that there is less complicated approaches of making ad earnings on YouTube.That you could just make stuff up or steal stuff. So if you happen to seek for relatively widespread kids’ cartoons like "Peppa Pig" or "Paw Patrol," you’ll to find there may be millions and thousands of these on-line as well. Of direction, most of them don’t seem to be posted through the usual content material creators. They arrive from masses and loads of exceptional random money owed, and it’s unimaginable to grasp who’s posting them or what their factors probably. Does that sound variety of acquainted? For the reason that it’s precisely the same mechanism that’s taking place throughout most of our digital offerings, where it is unimaginable to understand the place this understanding is coming from.It’s in actual fact false information for kids, and we’re coaching them from delivery to click on on the very first link that comes along, regardless of what the supply is. That’s doesn’t appear like a very excellent suggestion. Here’s one other thing that’s really gigantic on kids’ YouTube. This is referred to as the "Finger loved ones track." I simply heard any individual groan within the viewers. That is the "Finger loved ones tune." that is the very first one I might to find. It is from 2007, and it only has 200,000 views, which is, like, nothing in this sport. But it surely has this insanely earwormy tune, which i’m not going to play to you, seeing that it is going to sear itself into your mind within the same approach that it seared itself into mine, and i’m now not going to do this to you. But just like the shock eggs, it’s got inside youngsters’ heads and addicted them to it.So within a few years, these finger loved ones movies start showing everywhere, and also you get versions in extraordinary languages with popular kids’ cartoons making use of food or, frankly, using anything sort of animation factors you appear to have lying around. And as soon as once more, there are millions and millions and millions of those movies to be had on-line in all of those kind of insane combos. And the extra time you start to spend with them, the crazier and crazier you to think that you might be. And that is where I style of launched into this, that feeling of deep strangeness and deep lack of knowledge of how this factor used to be constructed that appears to be offered around me. In view that it can be unattainable to grasp where these matters are coming from. Like, who’s making them? Some of them show up to be product of groups of respectable animators. Some of them are simply randomly assembled by using software. Some of them are particularly healthful-looking younger kids’ entertainers. And a few of them are from folks who particularly clearly just isn’t around youngsters in any respect.(Laughter) And once again, this impossibility of deciding who’s making this stuff — like, it is a bot? Is this a character? Is that this a troll? What does it imply that we can not tell the difference between these matters anymore? And once more, doesn’t that uncertainty consider type of familiar correct now? So the fundamental approach individuals get views on their videos — and bear in mind, views imply cash — is that they stuff the titles of those movies with these general terms. So you are taking, like, "surprise eggs" and then you definitely add "Paw Patrol," "Easter egg," or whatever these things are, all of these phrases from other popular videos into your title, except you come to be with this variety of meaningless mash of language that does not make sense to people in any respect. Considering the fact that of direction it is best particularly tiny kids who are staring at your video, and what the hell do they understand? Your actual viewers for this stuff is application. It can be the algorithms. It can be the software that YouTube uses to decide on which movies are like other videos, to make them popular, to make them endorsed. And that’s why you become with this form of completely meaningless mash, each of title and of content.However the factor is, you have got to recollect, there relatively are still persons within this algorithmically optimized system, persons who are variety of increasingly forced to act out these increasingly bizarre combos of words, like a determined improvisation artist responding to the combined screams of a million children directly. There are actual individuals trapped inside these methods, and that’s the opposite deeply unusual thing about this algorithmically driven tradition, when you consider that even supposing you’re human, you have to turn out to be behaving like a desktop just to outlive. And also, on the other part of the screen, there still are these sons and daughters watching these things, caught, their full awareness grabbed with the aid of these bizarre mechanisms. And most of these kids are too small to even use a internet site. They’re simply type of hammering on the monitor with their little arms. And so there is autoplay, the place it simply continues taking part in these movies time and again and over in a loop, forever for hours and hours at a time.And there is a lot weirdness within the procedure now that autoplay takes you to a few pretty unusual places. That is how, inside a dozen steps, that you may go from a cute video of a counting coach to masturbating Mickey Mouse. Yeah. I am sorry about that. This does worsen. That is what happens when all of those extraordinary keyword phrases, all these specific pieces of attention, this determined generation of content, all comes collectively right into a single place. This is the place all these deeply bizarre key terms come home to roost. You go-breed the finger loved ones video with some live-action superhero stuff, you add in some bizarre, trollish in-jokes or something, and suddenly, you come to an awfully weird location certainly.The stuff that tends to upset mothers and fathers is the stuff that has form of violent or sexual content material, proper? Kid’s cartoons getting assaulted, getting killed, weird pranks that definitely honestly terrify children. What you’ve got is application pulling in all of those exclusive influences to mechanically generate children’ worst nightmares. And this stuff really, particularly does have an effect on small children. Mom and dad report their kids being traumatized, fitting fearful of the dark, fitting fearful of their favorite caricature characters. If you happen to take one thing away from this, it’s that when you have young children, preserve them the hell away from YouTube. (Applause) however the thing more, the article that fairly will get to me about this, is that i’m now not definite we even rather recognize how we obtained to this point. We have now taken all of this affect, all of those things, and munged them collectively in a method that no person relatively supposed. And yet, that is additionally the way in which that we’re building the entire world. We’re taking all of this knowledge, a lot of it bad knowledge, a lot of ancient knowledge full of prejudice, filled with all of our worst impulses of historical past, and we’re building that into giant data units after which we’re automating it.And we’re munging it together into things like credit experiences, into coverage premiums, into matters like predictive policing techniques, into sentencing recommendations. That is the best way we’re really developing the arena in these days out of this information. And that i have no idea what’s worse, that we constructed a method that seems to be totally optimized for absolutely the worst aspects of human conduct, or that we look to have performed it accidentally, without even realizing that we were doing it, in view that we did not fairly realize the systems that we have been building, and we did not quite have an understanding of the best way to do something another way with it.There is a few things I consider that quite seem to be riding this most thoroughly on YouTube, and the primary of these is promoting, which is the monetization of awareness without any real different variables at work, any care for the individuals who’re truly constructing this content, the centralization of the power, the separation of those matters. And i think nonetheless you believe about the use of advertising to style of support stuff, the sight of grown guys in diapers rolling around in the sand in the hope that an algorithm that they do not rather appreciate will provide them cash for it suggests that this usually isn’t the item that we should be basing our society and culture upon, and the way in which in which we should be funding it.And the other factor that is sort of the essential driver of that is automation, which is the deployment of all of this technological know-how as quickly because it arrives, with none form of oversight, after which as soon as it can be available in the market, type of throwing up our fingers and going, "hey, it’s no longer us, it can be the technological know-how." Like, "We’re now not worried in it." that is no longer rather excellent adequate, when you consider that this stuff is not only algorithmically ruled, it’s also algorithmically policed. When YouTube first started to pay attention to this, the very first thing they mentioned they’d do about it used to be that they’d deploy better computer studying algorithms to average the content material. Well, desktop finding out, as any expert in it’ll inform you, is sincerely what we’ve began to call application that we do not rather have an understanding of how it works.And i suppose we have sufficient of that already. We is just not leaving this stuff as much as AI to come to a decision what’s proper or now not, in view that we all know what happens. It will censoring other things. It’s going to censoring queer content material. It’s going to begin censoring reliable public speech. What’s allowed in these discourses, it is just not anything that’s left as much as unaccountable programs. It can be part of a discussion everybody must be having. But i’d depart a reminder that the alternative isn’t very quality, both. YouTube also announced recently that they’re going to unlock a version of their kids’ app that will be wholly moderated by people. Fb — Zuckerberg said so much the identical thing at Congress, when pressed about how they have been going to reasonable their stuff.He said they’d have humans doing it. And what that quite method is, rather of having tots being the primary man or woman to see these items, you’re going to have underpaid, precarious contract workers without appropriate mental wellness support being damaged by way of it as well. (Laughter) and that i consider we are able to all do particularly much better than that. (Applause) The proposal, I believe, that brings those two things together, rather, for me, is agency. It is like, how a lot can we rather comprehend — by way of company, I imply: how we know how to act in our possess first-rate pursuits. Which — it is virtually impossible to do in these techniques that we don’t really wholly understand.Inequality of energy continually leads to violence. And we are able to see inside these methods that inequality of working out does the identical factor. If there’s one factor that we are able to do to start to strengthen these systems, it’s to make them more legible to the people who use them, so that all of us have a common figuring out of what is truly going on right here. The object, although, I consider most about these methods is that this isn’t, as i’m hoping I’ve explained, rather about YouTube.It is about the whole thing. These problems of accountability and agency, of opacity and complexity, of the violence and exploitation that inherently results from the attention of power in a number of palms — these are a lot, a lot bigger disorders. And they’re problems now not simply of YouTube and now not just of technological know-how mostly, and they’re no longer even new. They’ve been with us for a long time. However we in the end developed this method, this global system, the web, that’s certainly showing them to us on this wonderful means, making them undeniable. Technological know-how has this extraordinary capacity to both instantiate and proceed all of our most exclusive, most of the time hidden wants and biases and encoding them into the sector, but it additionally writes them down so that we will see them, in order that we cannot faux they do not exist anymore. We have got to discontinue occupied with technological know-how as a strategy to all of our problems, but believe of it as a guide to what those issues in reality are, so that it will start fascinated by them adequately and start to handle them. Thanks very much. (Applause) thanks. (Applause) Helen Walters: James, thanks for coming and giving us that talk.So it is intriguing: when you feel concerning the movies where the robotic overlords take over, it’s all a bit extra glamorous than what you’re describing. But i’m wondering — in those movies, you will have the resistance mounting. Is there a resistance mounting closer to this stuff? Do you see any positive indicators, inexperienced shoots of resistance? James Bridle: I do not know about direct resistance, given that I think these things is tremendous long-time period.I feel it can be baked into tradition in fairly deep methods. A pal of mine, Eleanor Saitta, perpetually says that any technological problems of ample scale and scope are political problems to start with. So all of these things we’re working to deal with inside this aren’t going to be addressed simply via building the technological know-how better, but certainly through altering the society that’s producing these technologies. So no, right now, I suppose we’ve got bought a hell of a long strategy to go. However as I mentioned, I think via unpacking them, with the aid of explaining them, by means of speaking about them super honestly, we will truly begin to as a minimum that process.HW: And so when you speak about legibility and digital literacy, I to find it intricate to think that we must place the burden of digital literacy on customers themselves. But whose responsibility is schooling on this new world? JB: once more, I consider this responsibility is variety of as much as every body, that the whole lot we do, the whole lot we construct, the whole thing we make, wants to be made in a consensual dialogue with every person who’s fending off it; that we’re no longer building programs meant to trick and surprise individuals into doing the right thing, however that they may be genuinely involved in every step in educating them, considering the fact that each of these methods is educational. That’s what i am hopeful about, about even this relatively grim stuff, that if that you can take it and appear at it thoroughly, it can be really in itself a bit of education that permits you to begin seeing how complex methods come together and work and might be be equipped to apply that capabilities in different places in the world.HW: James, it’s such an major dialogue, and i do know many persons here are rather open and all set to have it, so thanks for establishing off our morning. JB: Thanks very much. Cheers. (Applause) .

0 notes

batterymonster2021 · 5 years ago

Text

The nightmare videos of childrens' YouTube ? and what's wrong with the internet today | James Bridle

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/the-nightmare-videos-of-childrens-youtube-and-whats-wrong-with-the-internet-today-james-bridle-3/

The nightmare videos of childrens' YouTube ? and what's wrong with the internet today | James Bridle

0 notes