#for some reason i don't tend to freak out When the bad thing happens so uh brb gonna go have a belated heart attack

[arb0k]

when we were out on our walk Rio decided to roll around in some grass. and while he was rolling it like. pulled the tab on the hook that connects the leash to his harness? and it came unlatched. and he just booked it full speed down the sidewalk without me (turns out he is faster than me genuinely trying to sprint btw)

and then he got to the corner at the end of the street and honest to god did donuts in place until i caught up. full speed zoomies in a little four foot circle. and once i got close he jumped up on me. not really a successful recall but not a disaster either! separation anxiety w

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "using" a cucumber and putting it back in the fridge?

(🥒👌 to find later)

Please, I know it sounds nuts but hear me out. I feel awful and I need to know just how bad this is. Also, I intentionally left as much as possible vague as I am a minor and I do not want this to get removed for being too explicit. But the story will not make sense if I don't include certain things, please understand.

So I (16M) grew up in and currently still live in the bible belt, with extremely conservative evangelical parents. As a taste of what it's like, we have church 3 times a week, and church camp every summer. We are only allowed to access Netflix through a stupid content filter app and we can only use a restricted smart phone that is regularly checked at random by our parents. We get an hour and a half of computer usage every other day, and the internet on the computer is heavily filtered also. The only reason I have access to Tumblr and am able to post this now is because my best friend's older brother gave me his old android for my birthday a few years ago. His family is much more open minded, and I'm very close with them. I also think they have always felt a little bad for me with my family being the way they are.

I'm also gay. Obviously, my family does not know, and I intend to keep it that way. I won't go too deep into it, but it will suffice to say I struggled a lot when I was younger over this. The good thing is that in the last few years, I've been able to accept myself more and come to terms with what my own feelings about religion and faith really are. I came out to my best friend and his brother a little over a year ago, and they've been very supportive. I have yet to tell any of my other friends.

Recently, I've been trying out alcohol since my friends found a hookup. Something I have discovered is that I tend to get lewd feelings when I drink, which has nearly caused a few embarrassing moments around friends. Coincidentally, I have also been experimenting with... certain things. Being a minor, I obviously can't enter any of the adult stores around me, nor would I feel comfortable asking any of my friends to drive me there if I could. I also can't order anything online because my bank account is connected to my parents, and I don't have a shipping address I'm comfortable using for those items either. So instead, I use household objects that belong to me and can be sanitized easily. You might see where this is going.

Yesterday evening, I came home from best friend's house with a full bottle of wine in my backpack. We and a few other friends had already been sipping on a few beers that afternoon, and I still felt a little buzzed. After my family went to sleep, despite already having a little alcohol in my system, I proceeded to get wasted on this bottle of wine in my room. I don't have the clearest memory of all of this, but at some point, I got hungry and lewd-feeling. Went into the kitchen and, through some kind of thought process I can only imagine now, came back into my room with a cucumber. From the title of the post, you can hazard a guess as to what happened to this cucumber. Once I was done, I drukedly and quickly washed it in the bathroom sink and threw it back into the fridge. I went to sleep.

I started freaking out as soon as I woke up this morning. There were four cucumbers in the fridge, I was pretty positive at least two were going to be used for dinner tonight, and I had no idea which cucumber I did the deed with. To make matters worse, my mom was inviting the pastor of our church and his family over for dinner. I have practically no money currently, no license or vehicle, and no friends with vehicles free to pick up new cucumbers for me (and no reasonable explanation as to why I needed them to spot me for four cucumbers specifically). I also have no believable reason to give for why we shouldn't have cucumbers added in the salad mix. My mom knows I love them, and they haven't gone bad. Can't say I ate them because who the hell eats four raw cucumbers? And she'll interrogate both my brother and I until she gets a satisfying answer if I just throw them out. I didn't know what the hell to do about this and I was close to having a panic attack, so... I took a nap.

Evening came. Guests came over, dinner happened. We had porkchops with macaroni and side salads. Cucumbers were in the salad, and I along with pastor's family and my own, ate it like nothing was wrong. My parents, the pastor and his wife had an engaging conversation about politics, religion, and some mild church gossip after dinner. My little brother continued to read his book, and I had a very awkward and one-sided conversation about Young Sheldon with the pastor's daughter. Then they left. And I went to my room to mentally implode.

To say I'm horrified is a major understatement. I don't think anyone is going to get sick because I scrubbed all of the cucumbers with soap multiple times and cleaned the vegetable drawer with bleach when I woke up this morning. I guess I also don't know that the violated cucumber was one of the ones that was used for dinner tonight, but then it's only a matter of days until we have salad again, or if mom cuts one up for water. I've rattled my brain for any way I could get some new cucumbers without telling anyone the details of the event, but I have nothing. Don't even have the money, anyway. Gave up the last bit of cash I had for the damn wine yesterday, and I have $0.43 in total on my debit card.

Admittedly, there is a very small part of me that doesn't even really care if they have eaten or end up eating the damn thing. I can't stand my family. My parents are invasive, controlling and neurotic, and don't give a shit about how I'm doing in so far as it pertains to god and the church. I'm a little more sympathetic to my brother as he's been stuck in this hell with me, but at 13 he's already begun to regurgitate way more religious dogma than I ever did at his age. And I know for a fact that they would want nothing to do with me if they found out I was gay. They'd probably kick me out on the street and spit on me if I had to guess. But even still, this is only a small part of how I feel. What I did was still so gross, and no amount of animosity I have for them can change how mortifed I am. I do have at least a semblance of a conscience.

So...AITA for all of this? WIBTA if I did nothing about the other two cucumbers? Please help.

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Hiii, Harpy anon again.

I have more thoughts. Instead of making Idia a dog boy, I say we make him an insect. Mostly because there are some insects out there that just make sense for him. (Also because he kinda look like bug to me tbh)

For example, spiders. (Yes I know they aren't insects but they look insects and that's all that matters) Spiders specifically have a lot of significance in Greek mythology, so it would make sense for Idia (who is based off a Greek god) to have some kind of connection there. But also spiders tend to be solitary creatures, they don't live in groups and only come together during mating. And a lot of the time, during mating the males are killed by their female mates. Which..I feel like is why Idia would avoid Yuu like the plague. Because all he can think about near them is "Mate.Mate.Mate.Mate.MATE-" and he's scared if he tries anything he'll get killed immediately.

Now I don't know if we've talked about Ortho yet but I feel like he's a little robot bee. I know it doesn't really go with spider Idia but Robot bee Ortho would be so gosh darn cute. There was a study done on bee's that came to the conclusion that when bee's bump into eachother they make a little "Whoop" noise. IMAGINE BUMPING INTO BEE ORTHO AND HE JUST GOES "Whoop!"

AGSJSGAHSVSS

Ahem, sorry got carried away there for a sec. Bee's are also very protected of their hive and other bees in said hive, so I can't help but imagine if Yuu gets picked on Ortho immediately just pulls out the laser beams. Bee's can also smell fear. Giving bee Ortho this trait is like giving a toddler a glock and telling them to go do a crime. It is both horrifying and hilarious at the same time.

Robot Bee Boy.

BeeBot that makes cute noises when bumping into things.

So very cute. I don't have much to add to that except look at this cute bee butt.

Now...spooder Idia...

Did anyone else see Kar'niss from Baldr's Gate 3 and thought he was hella fine?

What kind of spider would he be? If he's one of the fluffy kinds I love the idea of his floof matching his hair. Would he have multiple eyes? Fangs on top of having those already pointy teethies?

Did you know an interesting thing that bee's and some spiders have in common his helping with pollinating plants?

Hmm drider's are usually big and people in general already don't like regular spiders very much. Poor Idia is just going to keep getting more reasons to not leave his room. 😔Oh Jeez Jamil would prob freak out seeing him.

Man, Idia and Azul have it bad. For females of both of their kind if they don't kill you after sex cuz doing the diddly works up an appetite, they might kill males that they simply rejected...or just because they got too close.

Another thing that both male octopuses and spiders have been shown to do to lower the risk is present their possible mate with food. Azul's an amazing cook with his own restaurant and Idia has a surplus of every kind of snack/junk food you can think of so at least they have that going.

Still, I would like to think that even if that happens with their kind in that world it's not nearly as bad or quite as common. Funny though to think of Idia screeching when he sees you and tossing a few bags of gummies and chips at you.

Also....to avoid getting eaten after sex some male spiders will actually tie the female up in his web and set her free after. Do with that info what you will.

Some spiders also do a mating dance, but you have a snowball's chance in hell of seeing him do that.

Still, it's just more things that get these types of nonhuman boys thinking that you the little would be the best choice when it comes to finding a mate. AMAB? Cool. AFAB? Well, human ones don't cannibalize so it's all good....well once the guys learned that they don't.

Plus, once he gets to actually know you and see how you're the least threatening thing in the school things will be easier.

Once he's comfortable around you get to see something amazing...

That he's a snarky little shit with so much sass. He's a weird combination of having issues with self-loathing while also having an ego.

One time you tried to bite him for mouthing off and he was legit scared for a sec but once he saw those little teeth of yours couldn't even make a scratch on the exoskeleton on his arm, he gets super freaking smug, and now he's even more of a shit when teasing you.

One of the cool things is that you can legit ride him places cuz he big spooder. It's too bad it rarely if ever happens with being a shut in.

He'll still let you sit on him like that when you guys are in his room.

A cool thing he can do is climb on walls and ceilings, does it often when trying to sneak to the vending machines on campus without being seen. He has unfortunately been seen once or twice though and it scared the hell out of the poor student to see a giant freaking spider on the ceiling and almost made Idia drop his snacks.

His webs are pretty and glowy, he kind of has them around his room set up like fairy light.

Weird fact, spiders can taste with their feet.

Cute fact, some spiders will keep a frog as a pet. Frog helps keep the spider's eggs from getting eaten and the spider protects the frog from other things.

I'm kind of picturing Idia as the spider and you as the frog. You are his emotional support human that he keeps close when he has to leave his lair.

He unintentionally gives you scary dog privileges.

Imagine working your shift at Twisted McDonald and a little human comes up to you with this big-ass sharp-toothed spider dude behind them, you are scared out of your mind but then the human says "Excuse me, he asked for no pickles."

[pokemonshelterstories]

i'm a contest trainer, and i've got a ribombee, alolan raichu, and minccino who all get along really well.

theres a wild galarian ponyta that's been wandering my area, and i know it doesn't have a herd since my area doesn't typically have galarian ponyta, but we do have kantonian ponyta, who often travel in herds. im concerned since it seems like she's pretty injured, but I know ponyta can kick real hard so i don't want to freak her out when i approach.

i think she's hurt enough that i could catch her with a pokeball, but like i said, i don't want to freak her out.

i called the local rangers and the person who picked up the phone seemed really casual about this, saying that regional forms that aren't native to the area tend to die out(!?) and that its just nature taking its course(!?!?). i really want to help her because it hurts my heart to see any pokemon in pain, but is there any reason catching her would be bad? the plan probably wouldn't be to release her, since she's not a natural part of the niche here.

i have the resources to take care of her if i were to catch her, but i'm worried that she's going to upset my other pokemon. my raichu is on the smaller side (closer to 1'7") so the ponyta would become the largest pokemon in the household. would this cause a massive upset in my team?

(also i wouldn't be using her for contests, at least not until she's recovered from whatever injuries she has, so don't worry about that)

honestly, it's not unusual for us as rangers and rehabbers to let nature take its course on an injured pokemon that's still out in the wild. given that she's not a native variant, she's likely either an escapee or a released pokemon. an individual vagrant likely wont have any ecological impact, so we wouldn't need to remove her immediately. but capturing a pokemon for rehab (which we typically only do with native species/variants) or euthanasia (more likely what would happen here) takes time and resources, and it also removes resources from the natural ecosystem. if we grabbed every injured pokemon out there, things would fall apart pretty quickly! it sucks to think of a pokemon suffering, but injury and death are a normal part of life in the wild.

now, if you wanted to capture her to be your own pokemon, i don't see any issue with that in and of itself. she clearly doesn't have a social group she belongs to (i imagine some of her injuries are actually from a kantonian herd chasing her off; ponyta are a prey species and often wont tolerate a vagrant who might make them an easier target). but you're looking at a pretty tough time bringing her back to health if she is indeed healthy enough to save her, and you'd have to make sure you have access to pasture. you'd need to make sure you have the right environment to raise a ponyta in, which can be tricky if you don't already own farmland.

as far as social concerns....i don't see too many issues from your ribombee, since they're not terribly fearful and like helping injured pokemon with their pollen puffs. your minccino and raichu are more likely to be fearful of a larger pokemon, but could be slowly introduced. the main issue is that ponyta need interaction with conspecifics or at the very least pokemon that are of similar physiology/social structure to them. skiddo and mudbray are common companion pokemon outside of members of their own species. if you want to keep this ponyta, you need to be ready to also take in a buddy for her, which may be more than you're willing or able to do.

there's always the option to try and nurse her back to health with help from a vet and then rehome her as well. but at the end of the day, while i think the ranger you called should have given you a bit more of an explanation, they weren't wrong: letting this pokemon die naturally is not a bad thing to do.

[pianocat939]

Yandere Chrollo Hcs/Mini-Story

I couldn't conceal the thoughts anymore- they were eating me up so bad. I RAMBLED. LIke this feels more like an informative thing than an actual narrative style so I'm sorry lmao. It's so unorganized too.

(The entire story is based on the fic I'm working on, but with more detail on characteristics and what not.)

Tw: brief mentions of kidnapping, implied controlling behaviour, Chrollo's character is altered but is in correlation to the past I've thought of.

MC is from Meteor City, and was Chrollo's best friend. But- They end up being kidnapped, and having retreograde amnesia. (I'm not going to go into further detail just because I don't want to spoil to anyone who is currently reading my fic) Meanwhile, Chrollo is absolutely obsessed with MC. He trusted them more than anyone, and all of the sudden they disappeared.

Chrollo, who slowly grows cold-hearted without MC, starts to resent whatever happened to them. He's desperate to know what happened to them. As he first builds the troupe (As an actual gang of thieves), his personal mission is to find MC.

Some of the troupe members know this goal he has. Especially if they were friends with MC before they were kidnapped. So they try to help him in anyway possible.

A few years of searching, the troupe manages to locate MC. But when Chrollo goes to meet them, everything just falls apart. They don't remember him at all. To him, this is devastating since he had practically devoted over half of his life to them. He becomes more unstable with his internal conflicts.

Since there's no photos or records of their memories, Chrollo repeats his fondest moments with them. He is desperate to get them to remember their friendship.

The most prominent memory he will say is the time he found a near-brand new toy and gave it to them. To which MC was grateful of his search back then. This memory is also the start of his obsession (which explains why this event in particular is the most important).

Slowly, MC manages to remember their memories with him. It takes a while, honestly. Maybe a few months. But MC is incredibly happy to see him alive and well. Only for one thing to be a downfall...

MC doesn't view him romantically at all.

Well, since MC is just barely recovering their moments they really only focus on what happened. Since they were children at that point, MC holds nothing but platonic affection for him.

Chrollo, however, is down bad for MC. He would and honestly will devote himself to their life. He doesn't care for much in his life. But he does care for the one thing that made him feel any joy. Over the years they were apart, Chrollo develops an almost glorified view of MC. He thinks they can do no wrong, and anything against them is his enemy too.

Now, Chrollo will kidnap them. No questions. Of course MC is freaking out, but once they see more old friends they know they're screwed.

Moving on to more about what Chrollo will be like with MC during captivity:

In front of the troupe members, he acts very nonchalant. He won't do any more than keep their side pressed to his or have them sit on his lap.

Alone? He's fucking insane. He'll do a lot for MC. He'll do most requests for them in a way to prove his "worthiness" to stay by their side. He wants them to rely on him so he can keep them obedient to his affections. The reason I even mention this as a worshipping characteristic of him is because back when they were children, Chrollo had friends. MC, however, was like his true best friend. The one he could trust wholeheartedly no matter what. Which I think is still left behind in his mind.

Also, while he's alone: definitely more affectionate. He tends to give lots of pecks on their face or hold them close. In his most vulnerable moments, he likes to do a few nuzzles. It's like he reverts back to being the clingy friend he was all those years ago.

In a way he's possessive. My idea of him is weird. So one side, he wants to prove his worth to MC so they'll acknowledge him as they did before. But on the other side, he wants a feeling of superiority and reliability.

He talks about fate often, mostly about the connection between the two. He'll repeat at least multiple times a week that fate has led them together just as they were before. He also loves to mention that they're his and he's theirs.

...

(OK. I'm done. I rambled so much help- it's really unorganized. Nonetheless, this is the most I've written in one go in a while. So that was fun.)

(I know I altered his character quite a bit, but that's because I altered his past as well. So it kinda goes hand in hand.)

- Celina

[1moreff-creator]

FF, considering that the end of Chapter 2 seems to be setting up the already prevalent theme of Fate and Choice to take centre stage in Chapter 3 (like how the theme of Trust was the focus of CH1, and the theme of Change was the focus of CH2), I wonder Do you have any predictions for Chapter 3? Where you think most of the characters will go from here, who you think might be the next to kick the bucket, and how you think it will tie into Teruko's own story (the next step of which, I predict, will be her making a decision on whether she's going to allow herself to make friendships with the rest of the cast even with the fear that they will abandon or die on her always in the back of her mind, or to let her fears control her and make her isolate herself further out of fear that she will result in them getting hurt because of her fated bad luck. But I'd also love to hear your thoughts on that :D)

Hey! Predictions, huh? Well, I'm not the best when it comes to guesswork, so this isn't going to be, like, my deepest post or anything, but it's still interesting to think about!

Spoilers for DRDT CH2

So now that we've made it past Read More: Yeah I have no idea.

You see, there's literally infinite ways for the story to progress past this point, and there comes a point where "what I think will happen" would be completely indistinguishable from "how I would write the rest of the story." And while that in itself is interesting to explore, I'm not the dev, so I'll save both your and my time by avoiding any completely unfounded predictions. That means that the fate of most characters, the arcs they will go through, the themes which will be explored, among many other things, are things that I have almost no genuine strong predictions, at least in regards to CH4 and beyond.

In terms of CH3, though, I do agree that the theme of fate is the most likely to be the centerpiece, though like with CH2 and CH1 there will probably be a whole lot of themes that get explored. Not to mention that what someone considers the "main theme" of a chapter is highly subjective; I'd argue the themes of belief ("all that glitters is not gold") and morality ("a good person") are just as important to CH2 as the theme of change. I can't tell which themes will actually be explored, though, because again, no idea where the story could go.

To give some ideas, though, some themes that are already on the table apart from fate and trust and change are memory (Elliot, Rose's photographic memory, Whit forgetting her mom is dead for a moment when Rose says it, etc), family (Elliot again, Rose's family, J's mom, Levi's situation, the hypothetical Diana Chiem, Teruko's brother, Whit's mom again, why does half this cast has family issues, etc), idolization (David->Xander, Hu->Nico, Whit->His mom ("We tend to idolize the dead" in his quote), everyone->Mai (once we actually start talking about her), etc), past and future (Xander & Min (check pinned comments in Bonus Episodes), Hu and Veronika moving on from their past, Charles forgetting his, Rose feeling hopeless in the future due to mistakes in her past, Levi not caring about his past, Arturo not being able to fully move on from his past, etc), and everything else under the Sun. You see why making predictions is hard? There's too much shit going on, the writing's just too good.

What I can theorize on a bit more comfortably is who's gonna die in CH3.

It's Charles.

Honestly I don't even feel comfortable predicting a double murder in CH3; other than "it's a trope," there's no reason for me to believe it atm. And "it's a trope" isn't evidence.

With Charles, though, we do have "Charles pronounced dead at 3" from the prologue, and given Whit's track record, yeah it's curtains for chemist boy. I know some people think Charles dying is "too obvious" because of this line, but it only feels obvious to freaks like me who spend way too much time looking at these guys and who've rewatched the series several times. In particular, I believe he'll be poisoned by strychnine, given it was omitted from the custom weapons list, meaning only him and Teruko know about it, which could lead to interesting developments in the trial. This also means that the Elliot mystery would be explored in more depth in CH3, which could also be inferred from Yoidore Shirazu... existing already.

Other things which will likely get brought up are Whit's secret, Teruko's secret (then again, I have zero fucking clue what David's gonna do next), Hu's treatment of Nico, Hu and Vero's secrets, Veronika's reactions to Levi almost dying and Ace's execution, the Nico-Rose situation, Arturo (just, like, in general), etc. I feel like J's family and Eden's guilty feelings about Arei and Min might still have to wait, though it could come up. Look these chapters are long we could genuinely cover all of that and still bring up new threads for CH4 to explore.

As for future killer predictions... again, zero clue. But, you know that theory/observation that's been going around about the objects that show up at the end of CH1 and CH2 and Mai? That Mai has a jacket kinda sorta like Min and gloves like Ace?

Although this is an insane metric and I fully expect it to go wrong probably as soon as CH3, it is practically the only semi-theory we have that could point to future culprits. And since I'm an evidence-based theorist at heart, here's who I believe the killers might be based on the only (and craziest) metric we have. Feel free to ignore the Hail Mary guesses, I have no reasoning for them beyond Vibes.

Arturo - Ribbon (Hail Mary guess - CH4 killer)

Hu: Flowers (Note: Her secret quote plays into why I believe she may be a killer. I fully expect to be wrong on her particularly, and even if she is a killer, I expect her to kill on accident, which is sort of possible with strychnine. I doubt Hu would kill someone on purpose). Hail Mary guess - CH3 killer, no double murder?

Veronika: Hair tie. Hail Mary guess - CH5 killer, double murder?

It could also be Vero's shoes btw, they look similar enough to Mai's.

Rose's stockings are actually also similar to Mai's, but I can't imagine the object for her being stockings instead of, like, her hat or apron.

In fact, that's sort of a counterargument to this entire theory. Even if Vero or Hu are killers, I would expect their objects to be the triangle earring and the butterfly hair accessory respectively. In fact, I see Vero in particular as a victim more than a killer, so that should tell you how confident I am in these things.

Keeping in mind my survivor predictions (Teruko - J - Whit - Levi - Rose), which haven't really changed other than me now considering Levi a more likely survivor than Rose, that would leave the victims as Charles (genuine prediction: CH3), Eden (Hail Mary - CH5), David (Hail Mary - CH5 or CH4), and Nico (Hail Mary - CH4 or CH3). Again, the Hail Marys are purely vibes only and have no attached reasoning.

Finally, for mastermind, there's three people in particular that I find genuine contenders for MM spot, but that will have to wait for a separate, more in-depth post, since this thing does actually have evidence attached.

I hope that was enough to satisfy you! Thanks for the ask, it was fun to think about!

[goodluckclove]

I'm having a lot of fun talking with people about why they struggle in their writing, and I figure I'd share a little bit about what would keep me from writing. It's especially relevant given how soon Blind Trust is coming out - and, like I said, if you're willing to be real to me I'll be real right back.

I'll put it under a read more, as I've had the amount of alcohol that it takes me to be extra loose - meaning half of one canned cocktail. And I don't want to freak anyone out who doesn't want to see me feel a little more angsty than I tend to be online. But as I said before, I want to be honest about the craft as much as I urge others to be.

Here we goooo. Say goodbye to proper capitalization babies, Dad's getting funky.

so i started writing when i was twelve years old. i wrote carnation, a 10k word zombie novella about thinly-veiled representations of me and my two best friends at the time fighting zombies. it wasn't very good. i never wrote anything before. i enjoyed it though, so i proceeded to keep writing, near-constantly for the next fifteen years.

here's the thing, though, and it's something i don't see a lot of elder writers talk about. probably because it's not a super pleasant thing to hear, but i'm pretty sure i could pull it off.

uh, my name is clove gardener. i'm twenty-seven years old now. and i do not think i'm that good of a writer.

i don't think i'm bad. i mean, i've been published. i've worked as a copywriter and a ghostwriter. i've written for work for a few years now, so - like - objectively it must be passable. i don't hate my writing. i think it's accessible, which is cool. but if you were to ask me hey do you think you're a good writer? i would skirt around the question without answering directly until i could figure out a way to change the subject.

at this point i don't think that's going to go away. the improvement, though, has been that i barely think about that anymore. it's like there's a little dipshit in the back of my head, and occasionally he will hiss-whisper this is shit what are you doing until I find a way to shut him up.

i kind of feel like that's just the thing that happens when you're a writer. it's the camp i'd rather be in, at least. because the alternative is that i'm a really good writer who might consider themselves capable to claim authority and tell you how to do things i actually know nothing about. i'd rather have doubt. maybe less than what i have now, but still.

writers, i think, overlap with theater kids in the sense of being dramatic little piss babies. i am proud to say that i am significantly less of a piss baby than i potentially could be, especially considering that i'm in writing and theater. but you're bound to be a little dramatic at some point.

i think in the six-ish months since i've started blind trust, i've had maybe two creative existential crises. that's pretty good. that's reasonable. and they were not too unproductive either. i've learned that you can feel whiny and pitying and scared and self-loathing, and still do the thing.

i don't think you should publish your book. cool, ryan (i named my inner dipshit ryan). i'm doing it anyway.

nobody actually wants to pay money for it. yeah, ryan. maybe.

you're a terrible writer. i like it, though. i want to see how it ends. so let's keep going.

if you're wanting to publish/self-publish, and you think you don't have a chance because you aren't a beacon of self-assurance and confidence - guess what, buddy, i don't think many of the greats were. it's almost a stereotype i've seen of famous writers also being angsty weirdos who crumble into despair because the apple they ate was slightly too mealy (this is based on nothing but i can see it happening to kafka). if you think you can't be a writer because you aren't like me - friend, colleague, son, daughter, child, we are both angsty weirdos and that's okay.

last week i sobbed because riley showed me a video where a kiwi bird was sad and we had to spend the rest of the night watching videos of kiwi birds before donating to a kiwi bird charity. i make one phone call to the doctor and i have to lie down for the rest of the day. i am kind, i am fun, i am funny, and i am also like three bad dice rolls away from a breakdown. you can be both of those things. i have nuance.

i'm fine, by the way. it's been a good day. i'm just stressed about publishing because the thought of asking people to pay Human Currency for my work makes me deeply uncomfortable. but we're going to fucking deal with that, aren't we, ryan?

i don't know if this is unprofessional to reveal, but if it convinces one person to pursue a life in writing even though they sometimes take a trip to the Panic Zone, fuck it. i'm fine, you're fine, we're all going to be fine.

we should name our inner dipshits. drop your dipshit names below. ryan is your classic little goblin, but he's dressed like an e-boy. i think he vapes. i hate him.

[epickiya722]

Kiya, I just re-read JJK, and just realized something, that Yuuji don't want to hear when Wasuke want to tell about his parents. Why do you think it is? Is Yuuji already have some ideas that maybe his parents' origin a bit "different" than normal? Is the same reason also with Megumi don't want to know about his father from Gojo?

Oooh, I had to really think about this one because it's often a topic I think about but yet has come to a complete understanding to.

But I'll try my best!

**

It has always been odd to me, to say the least, that Yuji wasn't interested in whatever his grandfather had to say about his parents. And then I take in account on what Yuji says later to Junpei about how he doesn't remember much about his father, alone remembers anything about his mother. Yet, the way he says this comes off more chill, than just sad. He's nonchalant about having little to no memories about his parents.

I think I have a clue as to why Yuji is like this when it comes to his parents. It's what he tells Junpei a little after about killing people, including curse users (bad jujutsu sorcerers). He doesn't want to kill anyone because then he feels that the very option of killing will force its way into his life (which does happen). The value of life would become ambiguous and he might start taking the people he does care about for granted. It's something that scares him.

What if this is why he doesn't want to hear about his parents? He wants to preserve the little memories he does have because he fears that whatever his grandfather may say could taint those memories.

Yuji, to me, comes off as a person who wants to move on from the past. He doesn't forget it. He learns from it. However, there are special cases where if he doesn't learn it then, what good would it do now?

Yuji may call himself dumb, but he is pretty sharp. I think he knew that whatever Wasuke was going to tell him was going to be bad and given what we know as the audience, it would be the case.

Yuji isn't the type to not say he's scared, he'll admit it. But he also may want to avoid problems that could put him in that predicament. It's hard to as the story goes on. But Yuji being Yuji, doesn't let it deter him from moving forward.

As I said before, he comes off as someone who wants to move forward, he doesn't want to linger the past, even if it's something hard for him to move past from. It's probably why no matter what Sukuna has done, Yuji still gets back up. He's not someone who wants to stuck in the past. He wants to advance.

Sukuna tends to do this from time to time, he'll bring up the past even something that happens moments ago just to antagonize Yuji or he'll be pretty prejudice about modern-day sorcerers.

Off topic, but this plays into a theory I have about how Yuji may not just be Sukuna's vessel, but the modern-day version of him.

Now, with Yuji possibly having a clue that his and his parents' origins may not be so normal? I believe it.

Again, Yuji isn't a total idiot. He may have picked up on Wasuke wanting to tell him something dire given how eager he is to bring up Yuji's parents. In canon, Yuji has been shown to pick up on things fast. That memory Yuji has in 143? Yeah, I have a feeling that Yuji figured out how Kenjaku is connected to him and it's part of the reason why he accepts Choso being his big brother.

Yuji is probably very much self-aware about how abnormal his abilities are and just knows it may have to do with his parents. He's also reacts to things the way no one else may have. Sometimes, I feel like he may be playing dumb to hide how he truly feels and thinks. Maybe in a way to blend in to not freak out others more than he has. He has stated he's a loner and it probably comes from not knowing anyone else just like him. So, he tries to blend in. Yuji can't hide his physical prowess, so why not pretend with something else?

It reminds me of how Kenjaku acts and thinks, it's pretty similar.

Kenjaku - hops from body to body, taking the place of that person, almost hiding in plain sight, they act to appease others for their own gain but also not to feel so alone (note how even when Sukuna and Uraume is annoyed by them, Kenjaku still hangs around when they don't have to)

Yuji - pretending to be the way he is to appease others (he is pretty selfless), make others feel comfortable around him so he doesn't feel more alone than he already is

In the way they both think, let's compare how Kenjaku thinks about optimizing cursed energy and merging mankind with Tengen to Yuji and movies. They look past the surface of those topics. And anything they come up with leaves others questioning how they even came to that conclusion.

Funny scene it may be, but think about how Yuji reacted to Nobara freaking out about him punching a wall. He acts like it's nothing, yet no one could have punched through a wall like that. Not a normal human and not even a jujutsu sorcerer without using cursed energy. Remember, they can tell when each other is using cursed energy so all those times Yuji has amazed someone, he's doing all of that without cursed energy. Another instance is when Megumi remarks he's adept. Yuji just goes "Oh, really?"

Similarly, Kenjaku kinda also has this attitude where they're just not at all fazed by some things, just in a more sinister way. They're amazed and think highly of themselves, opposite of Yuji who doesn't even care for titles, yet just like Yuji does it in a "shrugs it off" attitude.

Anyways!

Now, in the case of Megumi, I say his reason is similar, but with a slight difference.

Megumi also comes off as the type to want to move from the past. Reason being, like Yuji, what good will it do? But I also think that with Megumi he accepts the misfortune that comes to him, that he awares of it. I say he's also nonchalant, but in a more pessimistic way than Yuji.

While Yuji wants to preserve the good, Megumi is already prepared for the bad.

Taking his first meeting with Gojo. Gojo mentions his dad and Megumi states he doesn't care. I believe he genuinely doesn't care. Even if Toji and his stepmother had good reasons to abandon him and Tsukumi, it's like no matter what they still abandoned them. Nothing anybody could say can lighten that blow.

Also, it's the person delivering the news to them.

Wasuke may have been shown just little, but from the scenes he does have, you can tell he's the person who doesn't want anybody in his family to be left in the dark and in danger. Wasuke wanted to tell Yuji about his parents because he cares and he doesn't want Yuji in potential danger, just as Jin may have been. Wasuke is family and for years he may be wanting to tell Yuji about his parents but Yuji shoots him down every time, used to it.

With Megumi and Satoru, the latter is a total stranger to the kid. Any kid would be just as skeptical as Megumi had been to Satoru. What if Satoru was about to lie to him? What would a teenager know about his father that he hasn't seen in who knows how long?

That's all I really can say! Went in a tangent there, kind of long, but I hope I answered your question in some way.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Animation-twitter, animation video essay youtube, etc. would probably be better off if they assumed every upcoming animated movie was going to be CRAP.

The director of INSIDE OUT 2, Kelsey Mann, has talked a bit about the picture recently. After all, it's out in less than two months... And immediately, so much of what he's saying is either being misread or quoted out of context. Something something Anxiety is going to be "the villain", something something they cut characters Shame and Guilt out of the movie because they felt it was too heavy, something something-

And we've got other people freaking out that Pixar showed 35 minutes of it at CinemaCon... LIKE... What's THE issue? Pixar has done that before! CinemaCon attendees were treated to half-hour chunks of Pixar movies in the past, like MONSTERS UNIVERSITY. When TOY STORY 3 was coming out, Pixar prepared a cut of the movie that ended just as the toys were escaping Sunnyside Daycare... to show to college campuses across the country a month before release.

Y'all need to calm down.

This movie isn't even out. We don't know how it'll tell its story exactly. Maybe there's more here than it seems? Maybe Anxiety will be an antagonist in the sense that she's doing what she feels is right, or is straight-up malevolent. I doubt it's the latter, that would be kind of... Not nuanced? For a sequel to INSIDE OUT? Having Anxiety just be an evil scheming bad guy just doesn't seem like it'll happen, nor is it a good idea. I think director Kelsey Mann meant that by her kicking the other emotions out of the main control room, she'll be the "big bad" of the movie. Why she kicks those emotions out could be related to how anxiety tends to work within the human brain. Taking control of your brain, thinking that it's steering you to make the right decision, making you cautious of dangers more so than "Fear" does. Pixar movies have had antagonists in the past that aren't necessarily evil, they just think what they're doing is right.

I also doubt that Pixar would let out a movie that flat-out stigmatizes people who suffer from anxiety disorders, such as myself. Maybe the Shame and Guilt characters were cut from the movie because director Mann, writer Meg LeFauve, and several others just didn't like the direction the story was going with them in it. Maybe it was too depressing for THEM, not because of any concerns for kids in the audience. People tend to associate Pixar with "tearjerking storylines", maybe it's possible that this went WAY TOO FAR at one point? I don't know, neither do you. Pixar's team isn't Disney Animation's leadership. Pete Docter is less controlling than John Lasseter based on everything I see and hear, but there are probably still some ground rules and some do's-and-don'ts. But I think it was ultimately down to the director not enjoying making the film back when it had these characters in it. As a writer/creator myself, I sometimes pull back when I feel something I'm making is causing ME lose the drive to make the thing in the first place. Maybe it hit too close to home for Mann, LeFauve, someone- Just a few variables, ya know? Not just "Pixar is too afraid to be sad", "Disney's telling them what to do", etc. etc.

Maybe animated movies shouldn't have this kind of pre-release thing... How about, just... Movie title, release date, BOOM. Nothing else. No interviews with the filmmakers and cast, no nothing... Wanna know more? You have to see it when it comes out! Put that in big letters in the teaser trailer!

But if they did that, twitter and the YouTube Animation Opinion Industrial Complex would sound the alarm: "They're not saying anything... IS THIS MOVIE IN TROUBLE???"

(sarcasm for those last two sets of sentences)

You can't win. And watch... It'll come out, and it'll be disliked for some weird reason. Probably because it isn't... PUSS IN BOOTS 2 or whatever. While the rest of the world goes, "Yeah, that's was pretty solid." And said population streams it on Disney+ a gazillion times. I'm not part of this "animation fandom" thing, quite frankly I don't even know what half of these people want most of the time. It seems like every movie is an oncoming stinker to them, and it ends up being a stinker. Sometimes the worst thing ever made, a work of evil. You know I still see people raging over that completely harmless CHIP N' DALE RESCUE RANGERS movie from two years back? The fuck is that all about?

I get that INSIDE OUT is a sequel to a beloved Pixar movie, I get that the original movie means a lot to so many people. I love it myself. At the same time, I'm not gonna be weird about a sequel I never even wanted until the day they announced it. Okay, if it isn't very good, I'll just go on with my life. But we're not even there yet... It's not out... This is the only INSIDE OUT sequel. Now if we were coming up on an INSIDE OUT 3, and INSIDE OUT 2 managed to somehow upset everybody? Then I'd somewhat understand...

Others will dole out their dislike of recent Pixar movies as their reason, but you know me... I feel each Pixar movie - for the most part - is a statement of its filmmaking team. Not a Mr. Pixar person coming up with each and every movie. (That was Lasseter in a sense, lol.) If "animation is cinema", then you oughta look at these movies as director-driven. I feel the other way around reduces the films to a brand, and not the people who actually make them. INSIDE OUT is first and foremost a Pete Docter-directed film... Made at Pixar. Not a "Pixar film". Pixar isn't a person nor is it a collective, it's a place. It should be judged on how functions as a movie and as a sequel to INSIDE OUT, not up against other movies made at the studio by other people. Like I'm not here for THE INCREDIBLES or UP, I'm here for an INSIDE OUT sequel. I know, that's a very radical opinion to have. Silly me!

I just don't get it... I'm just gonna do it the old-fashioned way... I'm going to see the movie, and hope that I like it or get something out of it.

[linkspooky]

Jujutsu Kaisen, Chapter 220 Thoughts

Time for Gojo to come out of the box. As Gojo's allies gather together there's a lot that could be said in terms of what Gojo's unboxing, and coming back into the story will mean for future developments. In particular this chapter seems to be focusing on the individual vs the collective themes that are present all throughout Jujutsu Kaisen.

1. You Say that Like It's Easy

One thing I want to begin with before discussing the Gojo-related parts of the chapter, is to establish that Gojo's unboxing might not be the magic fix-all that characters assume it to be.

First, Jujutsu Kaisen is not a story where things are narratively easy. If you need an example just go back a few chapters, when it seemed like everyone in the culling game working together to finally free Tsumiki, this happens.

Hey, turns out she's possessed and there's no way of saving her. Not only was she possessed, but she's been possessed from the beginning and was merely pretending to be your sister, and you didn't even notice because you weren't paying close enough attention to the sister you're supposedly fighting to protect.

The words "Why did I assume...?" are important here.

Jujutsu Kaisen is unique among shonen manga, because it tends to punish characters who think and act like they're in a Shonen manga. For example, there are lots of shonen protagonists with evil sealed inside of them, Naruto and the Ninetailed Fox, Ichigo and Hichigo to name a few. However, when they lose control they tend to not permanently damage anyone. It's more of a "Hey, look at this cool uncontrollable power getting released". When Naruto goes full nine tailed fox mode nothing too bad happens, because the author generally doesn't want to get blood on the main characters hands.

In the first ten chapters of Jujutsu Kaisen, the manga starts out by establishing that Yuji is a one in a thousand years freak occurrence that can somehow manage to keep control of his body when Sukuna takes control. He also manages to switch between himself and Sukuna when Gojo wants to test Sukuna's powers in a fight.

Then when Megumi and Yuji face an opponent too difficult for either of them to fight, Yuji gets the idea of switching to Sukuna and making him fight the curse and taking control back when he's done. However, Yuji is punished for his assumption because he didn't understand the reason why he was easily able to switch back and forth when Gojo asked him to switch. Gojo established a binding vow in that moment that gave Yuji the extra boost he needed to regain control. Yuji assuming he can just switch back and forth no problem and use Sukuna as an easy out in situations, not only gets Yuji's own heart ripped out, it nearly gets Megumi killed.

Whenever characters think in story book tropes, they get punished. What I mean by that is exactly what Mahito points out to Yuji here, assuming you're the hero of some story and everything will work out the way it does in a storybook.

Jujutsu Kaisen goes out of is way to establish early on that "Jujutsu Sorcerers are not heroes." They're not really saving the day so much as they're barely surviving. The characters live in a very grey and nuanced world, however, a lot of the main characters tend to lean towards more black and white thinking because it's easier to think that way.

Yuji even says so, he's a cog he doesn't need to think about what his purpose might be. If you're a cog in a machine, or a character in a stage play following a script then you don't have to think and act for yourself. You don't have to self-reflect. In a world where most Jujutsu Sorcerers are forced to just, put their heads down and do their jobs it's inviting to think that way.

For example when Yuji is thanking Gojo and Megumi for giving him a role to play, he's employing narrative thinking. Yuji's basically spent the entire arc not thnking about anything. He doesn't want to think about whether he's responsible for Shibuya, because the weight is too much. He's not pursuing redemption or running away, he's just suicidal and trying to find a knife to throw himself on.

If Yuji can give himself over to angel to exorcise Sukuna, and then angel can bring Gojo out of the box because of that, then that means Yuji can finally die in some grand heroic gesture rather than live in the extremely harsh reality.

You could say narrative thinking is just escapism, why live in the real world when it's nothing but indifferent at best, and cruel at worst, when you can avoid that reality and pretend you're in a story where your actions have meaning. That is what Yuji has been searching for since the beginning of the story. A role to play. He tells Yaga he wants to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer and eat Sukuna's fingers because it gives him a greater role.

I've always been good at sports and fighting. But I've never once thought... that I was the only one who could do something. Consuming Sukuna... I know that's something only I can do.

So narrative thinking / escapism = bad. The goal of Jujutsu Kaisen after all, is to raise young people into strong adults who can survive in the world. In order to survive of course, you have to live in reality, you have to find a reason to keep going in the real world. A fantasy is always going to end eventually. Yuji's fantasy of being a hero was ruined when Sukuna rampaged on Shibuya. Megumi's fantasy of saving his sleeping sister from a coma, was ended when he didn't even recognize his sisters' body was stolen from her. In these cases, these characters are often blinded by their fantasy to the reality.

After all narratively we never get to meet Tsumiki, we only ever seen Megumi's version of her, that's present in his head, along with his longing to see her again. Tsumiki never once narrates her own story, we never see the story told from her perspective, Tsumiki might as well not even exist, she's been overwritten entirely by the memory Megumi had of her.

Tsumiki is just a story of a sleeping princess Megumi must wake up at this point. He even tells Tsumiki to go back to sleep and let him do all the work. The fantasy blinds him to the reality, not noticing or paying attention to the hints or his intution that Tsumiki might be acting off.

All of this to say, as excited as everyone is for Gojo's unboxing, it makes me nervous that the characters are once again treating Gojo like he's going to be a magic fix all.

Maki has a conversation with Ui Ui along those lines, that actually things are easier for them now because all they have to do is kill Kenjaku and Sukuna and everything is magically solved. However, Kenjaku isn't dangerous because he has Geto Suguru's body and therefore is a special class sorcerer. He's dangerous, because he's a good thinker and plotter.

Not only did he have years to plan this in advance, but in general instead of fighting situations head on he thinks around them. In that way, just blindly assuming that the way to defeat him is by fighting him, being stronger, and killing him seems like the worst possible way to deal with him. Kenjaku's not a danger to the kids because he's stronger than them, he's a danger because they're bad at strategizing and literally none of them are big picture thinkers.

This is something I've wanted to point out for awhile, but the problem with the kids in Jujutsu Kaisen isn't really that they're not strong enough. The main characters are pretty much all overpowered by this point, Yuta is a special class, Maki got two power upgrades in a row, Yuji somehow got even stronger after losing Sukuna, Choso doesn't have raw power but he's an isnanely good strategic thinker, Hakari has shown his jujutsu technique can take on the likes of Hajime and Yuta. Considering they also vastly outnumber Sukuna and Kenjaku, it's not really a problem of power levels at this point.

The problem is they're all followers, and not one of them has a head for strategy. Yuji literally called himself a cog. Yuta announced to Geto as he faced him in Zero that he actually has no idea what the world of Jujutsu is like, he just wants to protect his friends. The reason why Sukuna took Megumi's body in the first place, is because Sukuna had a long-term plan, whereas Megumi and Yuji just sort of assumed things would work out and did not try to plan around Sukuna's plan. He didn't overpower them, he outwitted them. Which is what brings me to my next point.

2. But you idiot, who's alone?

So, here's where I question whether or not Gojo's unboxing is a good thing. I'm not talking about "Is this good writing or not?" but rather narratively will Gojo being unboxed will lead to positive development in story or negative developments.

As I stated above, characters in story tend to believe that Gojo is a magical band-aid which once released will fix all of their problems.

Yes, Gojo is individually strong enough that he can take on Kenjaku or Sukuna in a fight and confidently win against them. However, if individual strength won every fight Gojo never would have been sealed in the first place.

Number one, narratively the whole purpose of the long stretched out culling games arc it to show all the characters learning to fight in the culling games without having Gojo Satoru around as a buffer. They needed to fight their own battles and grow in his absence. If they all, collectively as a group just decided their job was done once they unboxed him then that'd be negative character development.

Number two, Gojo is sort of the embodiment of the toxic individualism in Jujutsu Society even though he's also trying to subvert it. Gojo is really good at one thing, and that's killing what the higher ups point at and tell him to kill. Of course that's simplifying, but Gojo has subversive political ideas yeah, he wants to replace the higher ups with his own allies, he will throw his political weight around to help kids but Gojo ultimately still is a cog.

Gojo's a part of the society that he's fighting against, he draws all of his self-confidence and identity from the fact that he's the strongest, and he does more or less believe in might makes right philosophy. Gojo doesn't really want to deconstruct the idea of might makes right, or the toxic individualism of Jujutsu Society. What he's doing is raising kids that he hand picked, to be strong enough that he can put them in important political positions to support his regime.

Of course I'm not saying that Gojo should just burn down the whole world, I'm saying that Gojo's not able to fully pull himself away from the toxic individualism that makes up Jujutsu Society, because he's essentially both the central cog in that society, and the crutch holding up all of society on his shoulders.

If anything, Gojo's absence should have shown how wrong it is to have all of Jujutsu Society rely on one strong person, because it completely falls apart when he's gone.

A good part of this chapter is also devoted to characters who are not the overpowered main characters, and yet still made a contribution that helped with Gojo's unboxing.

Amai is more or less a scrub with a weak cursed technique, that Yuji didn't even remember the name of. Takaba is a joke character with literally no idea how his cursed technique works. If it were not for these two literal nobodies, then Gojos' unboxing would have completely failed. Hana is also, soeone who loses most of her power and is only able to contribute one thing that the whole group needs.

Amai tells Yuji that he's too weak willed to stand up to bullies, not only when he was being beaten up by them, but when they bullied other people he didn't care and just hid behind them. He's extremely weak willed and yet someone like him made a contribution that Yuji wasn't able to do.

These things go very much against Gojo's very toxic idea that all of society rests on his shoulders, or in the hands of a few powerful people.

It's another contradiction within Gojo's character. He assumes he's fundamentally alone, because he's the strongest looking down on others and therefore no one can ever understand what it's like to be him. However, it's Gojo himself who chooses to look down on others.

Which is what Shoko says this chapter. Gojo's not actually alone. There's plenty of people around him, trying to be there for him, Gojo just chooses not to see them. Gojo willfully isolates himself because he's been taught that is strength places him above others and he's internalized that.

It's why he placed his friendship with Geto on such a high pedestal, for awhile because they were the strongest together Gojo knew what it was like to have an equal. With Geto gone even if Shoko's right next to him it doesn't matter.

Which is what makes this scene so touching, that there are people who want to be in Gojo's life if he'd just let them be... and also so hilarious because Shoko's just telling Gojo he needs to get over himself. If the story is following its themes of the individual versus the collective though, it won't be Gojo who saves the day here, but the students he's fostered to be strong enough that they don't need him anymore.

[anotherpapercut]

hi more drug question

I have been told many many times that using ecstasy will basically fry your seratonin receptors so that you will never be able to feel happy again unless you are using the drug. I am assuming now that this is false but I am curious now as to how false. Is it something that CAN happen if you take too much at once or too often, or is this just random Drug Scary misinformation

Also also since wellbutrin is not an SSRI does LSD work when you are on it or does it also cancel it out

lol that's kind of an extreme version of what I usually hear! you're right that basically the answer here is no. this comes from a couple different things. first is MDMA induced serotonin toxicity, and 2nd is something called "serotonin syndrome" which is a real thing that can happen, but it's really really hard to get like this. prepare for a very long answer lmfaooo

MDMA induced serotonin toxicity occurs when you take too high doses too frequently. MDMA IS slightly neurotoxic, but so are many prescription drugs so don't let that word freak you out too much! basically MDMA works by dumping large amounts of serotonin into your brain, hence why it's the happy/love drug lol. if you take too much too often, your brain will straight up run out of serotonin. obviously that's bad! it's not as simple as "never feeling happy again" but you will essentially have depression for a bit because of lack of serotonin (on its own, low serotonin levels following modest MDMA use is not damaging and resolves within a few days) but the real problem is that if you are on MDMA with depleted serotonin, your brain will continue releasing dopamine which will attach to the serotonin receptors and damage them. this is what can cause long term depression symptoms, the damaged serotonin receptors. ultimately your brain will heal this on its own unless for some reason I guess you keep taking it a lot (which would have no effect. when you take too much MDMA your brain just runs out of serotonin to dump so like. it just won't work lol)?? it can also be treated with the supplement NAC, which I would recommend taking any time you use MDMA because of this!

to sum up MDMA toxicity: it can happen but only if you're misusing it! it's generally recommended that you dont do much more than 1 dose every 3 months or so to make sure your brain has time to reset. research interactions with anything else you're using (prescription or not), take some NAC in the weeks following a dose, drink a lot of water, keep your body temperature regular because that can worsen it, and take some antioxidants like alpha lipoic acid and grape seed oil during/immediately after taking MDMA - it's when you come down that your brain is delicate and could use the protection. also this may sound counterintuitive but weed also has antioxidant properties, so smoking it as you come down helps a lot. also if you DO have MDMA toxicity taking more MDMA will not help u feel happy unfortunately it will just make it worse lol, your brain only has so much serotonin to give

now serotonin syndrome can happen with the misuse of any drug that works on serotonin including MAOIs, SSRIs, and SNRIs, usually by taking a VERY large dose (but some people are just extremely sensitive). it usually takes care of itself eventually, but the amount of time it takes and stuff is kinda hard to pin down bc it's REALLY misunderstood and tends to be overly self diagnosed. again this is like super super hard to do. you would have to take a MASSIVE dose or mix it with other serotonin affecting drugs (ESPECIALLY MAOIs. DO NOT MIX MDMA WITH MAOI ANTI DEPRESSANTS). like 5 times the normal dose at least probably (partner is currently trying to find some literature on it so he'll add that in the replies if he finds anything interesting). it will cause things like heightened anxiety and body temperature and can cause kidney problems or seizures if it's like really bad and untreated. but you'd feel REALLY bad before it got to that point, so in general like, if you take any type of drug and feel extremely bad after go to the doctor lol. mostly this will also just heal itself; your brain is pretty resilient! again usually if this does happen it's very minor. cases bad enough to require hospitalization are exceedingly rare

to give you an example of what these can look like, I have a friend who was given about 3-4 times a regular dose by a fucking piece of shit asshole she knows and, this part is crucial, it was mixed with a very large amount of alcohol AND acid (which can slightly increase the neurotoxicity. normally not a huge issue but becomes one in circumstances like this), AND coke; like she was blackout drunk and while not on a lot of acid or coke, this is just too many things to have in your body and brain at one time. the mixture of such a large amount different drugs caused her what I'm guessing was a mild case of both of these things at once. she experienced slightly worsened depression for about 6 months after, and actually had a mild stutter for almost a year. I made sure she took some NAC and other things that aid brain healing, and she didn't try molly again for a long time to be super sure she didn't overload her brain before it was ready. this is a pretty extreme case, and even with that she has fully recovered thankfully. do NOT EVER do drugs with someone you don't trust with your life. DO NOT EVER do drugs in doses you have not confirmed for yourself to be safe and DO NOT EVER mix drugs without finding out if it's safe!!! just as a small aside though: usually taking molly and acid at the same time is perfectly safe. in fact it's called a candy flip and I HIGHLY recommend it because it's fucking awesome. again, just make sure you are taking safe doses in a safe environment

OKAY now finally your specific question about Wellbutrin: I actually take Wellbutrin so I can answer this one from personal experience! Wellbutrin should not alter the effects of LSD in any way HOWEVER! both of these drugs lower your seizure threshold! I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin (which is the max dose BECAUSE of seizure risk) so when I plan to drop acid I usually either skip my dose entirely that day or only take half depending on how much acid I'm planning to take. because of the way Wellbutrin works, this shouldn't cause you any problems as far as that goes. for me, not taking my Wellbutrin for a day mainly has the effect of making me more fatigued, and acid counteracts that really well by making me feel very awake/aware. if you don't want to skip or halve your dose though you can also take things that will RAISE your seizure threshold. so like I sometimes will smoke hemp because CBD actually will help with that. the risk here isn't huge either way especially if you have no history of seizures, but again if it's something you're concerned about you should be just fine skipping or lowering your dose for the day. acid usually lasts about 12 hours too so i personally don't even care about skipping the Wellbutrin that much because it basically does the same thing for me. I did take my full Wellbutrin dose the last couple times I've done acid though because I was taking a very small amount of acid (about half a tab)

in summation lol sort of TLDR I generally would recommend MDMA for recreational use because the risks of damage are low and it's safe if you are safe about it. and it's honestly just a really fun one! the only negative effect I've ever felt is some emotional and physical fatigue the following day, and this is largely because of how emotional and energetic you are on it. I just make sure to have the next day off to lay around and listen to music :)

taking it with a partner or loved one will give you an especially beautiful experience, as MDMA has been proven to facilitate extremely open emotional conversations. in fact, when MDMA was first synthesized it's primary use was in psychotherapy! research was shut down during the war on drugs, but in recent studies it's demonstrated amazing abilities to treat and even straight up CURE disorders like PTSD. for a personal anecdote, my partner actually completely fucking cured his alcoholism on a combo of MDMA and whippets (nitrous oxide) lmfao. like dude straight up went from getting black out drunk multiple nights a week to drinking nothing for the past year and a half without any other treatment program. LSD has been proven to have similar incredible results with treating and curing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction and is also a very fun and very safe one.

sorry to reiterate for the billionth time lol but it's important: these drugs are safe and fun if you make sure they're safe and fun! do your research and never use in an unfamiliar environment with people you wouldn't trust in an emergency! also I know this sounds like a lot, but remember I'm giving you like the absolute safest possible practices and emphasizing sort of over cautiousness because I think it's always better to be too safe. I've taken molly without nac and I've taken kinda big doses a little closer together than I should have without any problems. there's a bit of flexibility to these guidelines, but it's always better to think of them as being rigid so you don't end up too far in the other direction. like I've said it's really really hard to do actual damage that would last more than like a day or 2 max. most of the time you'll just be sleepy the next day from all the dancing so it's nice to do it on a day 1 of a weekend. also it only lasts like a couple of hours lol so it's not your whole day or anything!

[sibylsleaves]

oooh yes how long do you think Buck and Eddie would date before getting married?

ooooh good question I've thought about this a few different ways and I think this season in particular gives us some juicy hints as to how they might handle this question on the show. Because on the one hand. We DO know definitively that Eddie tries to speedrun his relationships and then freaks out when that doesn't magically make him fall in love, and I do think it's important that we show him breaking that cycle with Buck but the big difference there is...he's already in love with Buck.

Whereas Buck tends to fall/get infatuated pretty fast, but when it comes to moving forward in his relationships he's kind of all over the map. With Abby he moved in with her very quickly, with Taylor he obviously only moved in with her under VERY dubious pretenses when he was not happy in the relationship but trying to cling to it anyway. With Tommy...I guess we can consider inviting him to the wedding as their Big Relationship Step so far, and that also happened pretty quickly.

So I think it'd be interesting to see Eddie being very Sure about Buck and very purposeful, early on, about the fact that Buck is It for him. Because I don't think he's ever had had a partner he felt fully connected to the way he does to Buck and I think for him once he has that he KNOWS that's what he wants but he doesn't have to be in a rush.

And Buck being similarly sure about Eddie, but perhaps there's some small part of him that wonders if or HOW Eddie can be so sure about HIM. So there's that little sliver of insecurity for him still.

And I could see Eddie trying to like, take his time and not rush things even though he's so sure about what he wants (also loved the scene in 7x05 when he tells Bobby he LOVED being married to Shannon which was kind of a wild thing for him to say considering he like ran off to Afghanistan about it lol but i do believe in the dizzying labyrinth of Eddie's head there is a part of him that loved the IDEA of that partnership, even if he actually sucked pretty bad at being IN the partnership) and Buck being understanding and also wanting to take his time because like, the last thing he'd ever want to do is trap Eddie the way he trapped Taylor (even though the situations are NOTHING alike but somewhere in Buck's brain there is still a little kid who still feels like he has to cling to whatever love he's given) BUT in actuality both of them want to get engaged and married like, absolutely immediately.

So I think it'd be fun if they're both, for different reasons trying to like take their time and everyone's like yeah good idea good job guys there's no need to rush anything that's very healthy and smart of you! then SOMETHING happens and either Eddie or Buck (or maybe both of them, separately) talk to Bobby and Bobby is the one who is like YOLO BOYS I married Athena after like six months and look at us now! There's something to be said for not rushing things, but when you know, you know and why wait?

[thranduel]

Hello! I really enjoy reading your posts and thoughts. They're very thoughtful and correct.Therefore, I would like to know specifically from you, why do you think so many men don't like Astarion? They are ready to kill him even at the start or betray after meeting with the monster hunter. Is it some kind of inner jealousy? What do you think?

hello! first of all, thank you SO much!! that’s so sweet of you 🥺 i love making posts about characters i love so it makes me happy when people enjoy them too :’)

and secondly, i feel like there are a couple of different reasons why many men don’t like astarion, and i think it mostly comes down to homophobia, a bit of jealousy because of his popularity, and also the fact that they’re threatened by any characters who are bold enough to make moves against them

and just to be clear, this doesn’t apply to EVERY single person; not everyone is going to like him and that’s fine! he’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. but unfortunately many people dislike/hate him for silly reasons like this and i just don’t know how any of these things is enough to make you hate a character you didn’t even ATTEMPT to get to know. he is one of the most well-written and complex characters with such an incredible backstory and the potential to redeem himself and become an even better person (if you help him and show him love) and it’s so sad that so many people miss out on that because they immediately judge him :/

anyways, the first thing: homophobia. astarion has one of the most unique and distinctive voices, and he can be quite dramatic and sassy. his mannerisms can also be seen as flamboyant. many men don’t like this (i wonder why lol). he comes across as very confident and even a bit cocky at first, and eventually if you slowly gain approval with him, he will start flirting with tav… this has literally made some people have a meltdown 😳 obviously astarion’s sudden flirting makes sense from a story perspective, because we know he only attempted to get close to tav to seduce them and gain their protection at first. but they don’t know that, and i don’t think they care because they’re too busy being uncomfortable about it and think they’re being personally harassed. the moment men see a male character that likes men, they automatically freak out. even if they’re fine with the character otherwise, that’s enough to make them hate them (homophobia sucks!!)

in regards to jealousy, i notice this tends to happen a lot when a character becomes really popular, especially if they’re physically attractive like astarion. it’s like they feel… threatened? bitter? in fandoms, a lot of people are women too, and i think misogyny comes into play here. people simply don’t like when women enjoy things, and astarion has a lot of female fans, so men don’t like that. it’s very weird. women enjoying themselves and loving a fictional man makes them very angry for some reason

i also think some of them just get easily annoyed when a character is very bold and willing to defend themselves. they don’t think about other perspectives except for their own, and they feel threatened when another character is tough and willing to challenge them to the point where their first thought is to just get rid of them before even trying to get to know them

i’ve seen people say they killed astarion because he put a knife to their throat at the start (he literally thinks that YOU are a threat to him. of course he’s going to threaten you and ask questions?!) and/or because he tried biting them in the middle of the night. and look, i understand how bad that second one looks, but you immediately find out why he was so desperate and made that decision because it’s revealed in that exact moment that he’s a starving vampire. that doesn’t excuse it, but it explains it. obviously it would’ve been nice if he asked first, but again, he literally tells you why he was scared and why he couldn’t trust you. he was doing it for his own survival. sometimes you need to take two seconds to put yourself in these character’s shoes before immediately losing your temper. and yes, i understand pretty much any of us would immediately remove that threat if we were actually in the situation, but it’s a FICTIONAL FANTASY ROLEPLAYING GAME. unless you’ve specifically made a character who would make those decisions in the game (which is fine and understandable because you’re supposed to roleplay as your character), i don’t understand why people would let their actual feelings get in the way and get rid of one of the most well-written and complex companions just because he did some things they don’t agree with. like, you’re supposed to stop and think: “who is this guy? what are his motives? there must be a reason for this” rather than just immediately crying about it and going straight to reddit to complain about how horrible he is as a character when you don’t even know him

but anyways yeah that’s personally why i think a lot of men don’t like astarion and why they choose to get rid of him. this is mostly based on things i’ve seen on reddit and the way they go on about how much they hate him while being extremely dramatic about it lol

[alexandraisyes]

A List of Common Traits Sociopaths Have

Note: These are a mix of personality traits (cannot be changed) and behavioral traits (can be changed) For the sake of simplicity, personality traits are the things that are considered the defining factor of a sociopath. Don't freak out if you have one or two of these, everyone has at least one symptom of every disorder ever, and that doesn't mean you are a sociopath. Also, please keep in mind this isn't a pretty topic that's sunshine and rainbows. It's a mental disorder and I do not intend on sugarcoating it.

Personality Traits

Lack of Empathy: Empathy is the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. We literally cannot do that. We will not understand on an emotional level why you are upset, why you are crying, why you're laughing at something we said. We can understand on a logical level, not an emotional one. Sociopaths have to learn something called cognitive empathy, which is using critical thinking to understand another person's emotions and thoughts. We're logical, we can't understand your emotional issues without using cold logic, this can make people perceive us as cruel and inhumane when we simply aren't capable of empathizing.

Not Giving a Fuckery: Put bluntly, we don't care. You can't make us care. You can't persuade us to care. If we want to care about something, we will, and you will have no influence on whether that happens or not. And generally, we don't want to care either. We are capable of caring, but we are highly selective about what and who we choose to care about, and it tends to be someone we've known for long-term who has managed to wriggle past our walls. Even then we'll have periods where we just cannot give a fuck about them, even if they matter to us. It's a rocky road y'all, and the guilt afterwards is fucking hell (partly because we care about them and feel bad about not caring for a bit, but mostly because we aren't used to guilt and so it makes us feel feelings that we have no idea how to process.)

Lack of Guilt: Don't feel the need to go too deep into this cause I've already covered it. Look at the two above posts. Why would someone who has no emotional empathy and suffers from not giving a fuckery feel guilt about... hardly anything? We can feel guilt, I know this first hand. (That was a rough moment of my life there.) But it's also really easy for us to rationalize our actions and push it under the rug to never look at again. Which means it's really hard for us to find a reason to change our behavior when we hurt others, especially if they aren't people we care about. When it's someone we care about, it tends to go either "I can live without them (fucking lies)" or "I'm gonna lose them if I don't knock it off". I'll go into greater detail about the fucking lies statement there later on in the behavior section.

Guarded Trust: As stated briefly in point two, we have walls. We have a lot of walls. And a firing squad behind those walls if you managed to get past them. We don't want to trust you, and we might never fully trust you (just depends on the sociopath). Generally when people have their walls up that high there's some kind of vulnerability they don't want exploited, not so much the case with sociopaths. Most of us just are jaded and cold and uncaring, and we aren't hiding anything "for our own protection" (unless it's something like a case of consistent abuse to and past full maturation [adulthood] that will obviously have negative effects that make us doubly untrusting of others). So, if you manage to earn our trust, congratulations on sticking around long enough to do that. Now don't fuck it up.

Self Preservation: Some people claim that sociopaths are narcissistic (to be a narcissist is an entirely different personality disorder, but anyone can act narcissistic). I argue that a sociopath has no more inclination to act narcissistic than your average human being. What is actually perceived is our sense of self preservation, which is like yours... on steroids. We will always come first in our minds because why would you put something before you that you don't care about? If there is one oxygen mask, and there are two of us, and we both need oxygen to live, I would not hesitate in letting you die. Harsh, but honest. We tend to be called narcissistic because we share some traits with narcissists, like high charisma, intelligence, and we're highly tuned into other people's reactions and behaviors (a lack of empathy and caring makes it easier to completely dismantle someone in our minds). It's important to note that if we are going out of our way to do something for someone we don't particularly know or care about, it's generally because we want something from them, or we want to be able to get something from them in the future. We tend to play nice with others because they have something we want, whether this is a material thing, or in more self-aware sociopaths like myself, companionship. Also to note, we don't give a shit what you think about us unless it's going to cause us issues with getting what we want from you, our ego isn't at stake like a narcissist's is. We don't brag about ourselves or try to impress you, and we tend to keep the conversation off of ourselves. You can talk with me for hours on end, and walk away knowing nothing about me and I will know everything about you unless you ask the right questions that get me to talk about myself. If I humor you with the all about Alex, it's because I find amusement in your reaction to what is honestly quite a horrifying story. This is pretty common behavior for a sociopath I found out, haha.

Lack of Intrusive Thoughts: Don't ask us what we're thinking and expect an honest answer, you don't want to know what is actually happening in our head. We don't care, remember? We aren't bothered by thoughts that are about immoral topics and actions, and we just brush them off like we do with any other thought. The only times I have ever considered a thought intrusive is when it involved hurting someone I care deeply about (my mom and generally my cats) or involved breaking my personal moral code. Past that, we will literally think about anything and not bat an eye. We also generally aren't going to be affected by viewing traumatic content unless it ties directly into our own traumatic experiences (or, again, involves someone we care about), and this tends to be the case with most sociopaths. A thought about brutally murdering our family has the same tone as needing to make sure we remember to pick up more coffee next time we go to the store, and it won't bug us like it will a normal person.

No Uno Reverse: Sorry, but if you want to pull a fast one on a sociopath, it's not going to work. You can't manipulate us. You can't threaten us. You can't persuade us. You can bribe us, but that's not manipulation at that point, that's you offering up goods to earn our favor. Honestly... if you were to bribe us for our favor, at that point technically the tables just got turned bozo. You also can't offend us easily. You can piss us off, you can get us riled up, but you're not going to be able to easily find something that's going to get us real upsetti spaghetti for longer than that moment. And if we are upsetti spaghetti, it's not really because we're offended, we're just pissed off at your insolence and audacity and generally mocking you in our heads for being a dumbass. Not saying that you can't manage to offend us, just that it's a hard game and are you even sure the outcome is worth it? You can't make us jealous either, we don't give a shit.

Aromantic: If you are a sociopath you are automatically aromantic. The brain? Yeah that's fucking broken when it comes to chemical love. We can't love you the way you want us to, and we will never be able to. We can love but it's not the same as what the normal person thinks of when they think of loving someone. We will never fall in love with you, and it's not fair to us to expect us to. The best you'll get from us is the effort we will put into the relationship, not because there's some deep emotional connection, but because we care and that's the most you're going to get. If we stick around, put in effort, are willing to compromise and go out of our way to make you happy, that's how we show we "love" you. A relationship with a sociopath will never be romantic on their part, and it will feel a lot like having a best friend instead of a romantic partner. We give out limited affection on a good day, so it's wise to know what you're getting into. (Note: We can learn to be more affectionate if it ends up benefiting us by doing so, but we won't actively seek out things like touch, and you need to both ask if you want it from us, as well as ask before touching us as a general rule of thumb because we aren't touchy people to start with. If we dole out touch like it's candy, it's generally for your benefit and not because we crave it. Always get an okay just in general really before you touch someone else unless they have specified you don't need to ask.)

Blunt: Almost painfully so. We aren't going to beat around the bush unless we are trying to manipulate a situation (this isn't always malicious by the way, a good chunk of the manipulation we do isn't because we're trying to be bad, it's either self-preservation or trying to navigate a situation. It's just that it's also really easy for us to be manipulative for other reasons since we won't feel bad about it that makes this an issue). We don't see a reason to run circles around things, and we are very straight forward, even if we may not act like it at times. We really don't care if you don't like what we have to say.

Bored: We are so so sooooo bored all the damn time. We like interacting with people because it's exciting. We like shiny buttons that give us reactions, and we really really like to press them for better and for worse because it's amusing. It's something to do. A lot of us don't have a healthy way to deal with boredom, which leads to drug and alcohol abuse, petty crimes, sex addiction, etc. Stuff that makes us feel something other than just... empty. The lucky ones (like me) figure out how to manage ourselves, impulses, and the way we interact with others. I fight off my boredom by drawing. For an idea of how bored I fucking am, I draw every day, up to twelve hours a day.

Pride: I'm not going to sugar coat it, we're very very prideful. You want to hurt a sociopath? Attack their pride. That's the only way you're going to do it.

Not Evil: No one is born inherently evil, and neither are sociopaths. A sociopath is formed, not born. Most of us are non-violent, and do the majority of our 'acting out' in highschool and young adulthood. A lot of us end up in juvenile detention at least once because of our ingrained lack of impulse control (I went to juvie three times and committed a handful of misdemeanors). We can be horrible people, but so can someone who is "normal", and considering the population of people who are criminals (5% estimate) compared to people who are sociopaths (less than one, and most of us are again, nonviolent)... yeah that says more about humanity than it does sociopathy. We may, however, appear heartless due to the lack of an instinctual moral compass.

Constant: Let's face the facts, a sociopath isn't going to change. Your personality is constant. Being a sociopath is a huge part of our personality. Your personality doesn't change, and neither will ours. However, we can change and improve by working on our behaviors and going through intensive cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as similar types of intensive therapies that appeal to logic rather than emotion.

Behavioral Traits

The Mask: This is huge, so it's the first. A sociopath's mask is an intricate and meticulously crafted façade designed to camouflage their true thoughts, emotions, and intentions. This carefully constructed persona serves as a social shield, concealing the underlying aspects of our personality that deviate from societal norms. This mask is characterized by a calculated presentation of charm, affability, and a keen ability to adapt to various social scenarios. It reflects a superficial normalcy that enables us to seamlessly integrate into social circles, concealing our inherent lack of empathy and emotional depth. It is not merely a tool for social interaction; it is a strategic move employed to help manipulate and navigate the complexities of human relationships that we literally don't understand. It allows us to mimic conventional emotional responses and create an illusion of connection, while beneath the surface... to put it poetically, an emotional void persists. This deceptive exterior often includes a convincing display of sincerity, engaging conversational skills, and an ability to mirror the emotions of others. The mask is not a fixed entity; rather, it is adaptive, evolving to suit the specific context and individuals involved. It is a versatile tool, enabling them to exploit social dynamics for personal gain without raising suspicion. Behind this facade, however, lies a stark contrast to conventional emotional experiences. The mask is a calculated projection, lacking the genuine emotional depth and connection that characterize authentic human interactions. It serves as a mechanism for self-preservation, allowing us to navigate social landscapes without revealing the true nature of our emotional deficit.

Trust Via The Mask: There are three reasons we'll take off our mask.

We're fucking tired. It's so exhausting pretending to understand shit, and pretending to care, so if our mask slips, don't hate on us for it, we're just exhausted. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to keep it up all the time, and the more physically worn out we are, the less energy we have to mask in social settings. It's important to remember that we are humans too, and our mask slipping and revealing glimpses of who we actually are underneath the layers we put on for those around us is okay. No one can be perfect all the time, and if we're so tired we can't keep up the act that says a lot about our mental state (that we aren't going to inform you of).

We trust you. In the context of sociopathic behavior, we may, under certain circumstances, allow our carefully maintained mask to momentarily slip, particularly when a sense of trust has been established in a relationship. This occurrence can indicate a level of confidence in the associated individual, granting them insight into the less guarded aspects of our personality. The decision to reveal our nature in the presence of trust is not a small thing, it reflects a deliberate choice to expose an unfiltered version of us to the individual. During these instances, there may be a temporary departure from the usual emotional detachment characteristic of sociopathy, offering a brief and somewhat paradoxical glimpse into more authentic expressions of thoughts and emotions. For those privy to such moments, a measured approach is advisable, recognizing the significance of the trust extended while maintaining awareness of the inherent boundaries in understanding our emotional terrain.

We want to fuck with you. The deliberate decision to drop the mask, not out of a necessity driven by trust or fatigue but rather as a calculated maneuver for personal amusement or manipulation isn't uncommon (I admitted earlier I too am guilty of this behavior). This can serve us as a tool for gauging and influencing the reactions of others, showing an inclination to navigate social dynamics for our own amusement or gain. In instances where we intentionally discard our mask, the primary motivation lies in observing the impact on those around us. The reactions of others tend to be a source of entertainment or a means of manipulation, providing a sense of control and satisfaction for us in the moment. This calculated move allows us to assess the vulnerabilities and responses of those in our social sphere, offering valuable insights that can be harnessed for future interactions. It is crucial to acknowledge that this intentional unmasking is not a manifestation of genuine emotion or a display of trust but rather a strategic decision grounded in our inherent ability to read and exploit social dynamics. For those on the receiving end of this intentional unmasking, good luck. If you aren't aware of what's going on, you're kind of doomed to get back on even ground with them. It's a bit of a power high to catch somebody so off guard, and then go back to normal, and it's a bad habit I'm personally trying to break. But a lot of us... don't really care about improving so most of us aren't trying to not do that.

Cruelty: Woah, this is a negative trait guys, just an FYI. So keep in mind that while this is a common behavior in sociopathy, not every sociopath is an asshole on purpose, and others can be working to improve. Anyone can be cruel. Cruelty, in this context, is not an incidental byproduct of emotional distress but rather a calculated choice driven by a lack of empathy and a heightened focus on personal objectives. We may engage in deliberate acts of cruelty, exploiting the vulnerabilities and emotions of others without experiencing the moral or emotional constraints that typically deter such behavior. This intentional cruelty can manifest in various forms, including verbal aggression, manipulation, or actions designed to inflict emotional or psychological harm (again, we don't tend to be violent). The absence of empathetic responses allows us to navigate social interactions without the emotional burdens that typically accompany acts of cruelty (like guilt). It is essential to understand that this deliberate cruelty is not generally driven by malice but rather by a self-serving motivation. We tend to view others primarily in terms of utility, with acts of cruelty serving as means to achieve personal goals, assert dominance, or maintain control within relationships. Recognizing the potential for cruelty in individuals with sociopathic traits is crucial for those interacting with them. Establishing healthy boundaries and maintaining a level of emotional detachment can help mitigate the impact of such behavior. Additionally, fostering an understanding of the distinct emotional landscape of sociopaths allows for a more informed approach to navigating relationships with these individuals. It's equally important to recognize when there is the potential for improvement, while also knowing your own limits. The average human being cannot help a sociopath, we need a trained professional’s assistance.

Quiet: The tendency for us to maintain a quiet demeanor is often rooted in a strategic awareness of societal norms and a recognition that openly expressing our thoughts can evoke fear or discomfort in others. This silence, or even distracting ourselves with meaningless chatter, serves as a self-protective measure, allowing us to navigate social interactions without triggering negative reactions based on the unconventional nature of our thoughts and perspectives. The fact that we don't often talk about ourselves does not necessarily translate to being a good listener. We don't tend to actively engage in empathetic listening or exhibit genuine interest in the concerns of others. In social scenarios, we may carefully observe and selectively respond to maintain a calculated distance from emotional entanglements. Understanding this dynamic is essential for managing expectations and fostering realistic communication in relationships with sociopaths. We don't care about your issues, and if we ask about them we're doing so out of morbid curiosity more often than not.

Threatening to Leave: Sociopaths approach relationships with a pragmatic and calculated mindset, often weighing the perceived benefits and losses associated with their connections. Threatening to end a relationship may not elicit the anticipated emotional response unless the sociopath perceives it as a significant loss or a threat to our personal interests. We tend to view relationships through the lens of utility, assessing the value and advantages they derive from the connection. If they perceive that ending the relationship would result in a notable loss or detriment to their goals, we might respond with a level of concern. In such cases, the threat of relationship termination becomes a strategic consideration rather than an emotional trigger. It is important to recognize that the sociopathic response to relationship threats is grounded in a rational evaluation of self-interest rather than emotional attachment. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for those navigating relationships with sociopaths. Effectively communicating concerns or influencing behavior may require appealing to our perceived self-interest rather than relying on emotional appeals.

Walking Away: For a sociopath, the prospect of someone we care about choosing to leave may not lead to the typical emotional experience of heartbreak, as we don't engage in the conventional experience of love. However the emotional impact of such an event, while not precisely analogous to heartbreak, can be remarkably close and centers around our sense of pride and ego. This is not just romantic relationships, but also platonic ones. We often derive a sense of identity and self-worth from our ability to navigate relationships with a certain level of control and influence. The act of someone choosing to leave, particularly if it is unexpected or challenges our sense of self and can result in a significant blow to our pride. The feelings of rejection or failure may prompt a strong emotional response, even if it doesn't align with the traditional concept of heartbreak. While we may not experience heartbreak in the conventional sense, the impact on our pride and ego can be a powerful and challenging emotional experience for them, and can leave us with feelings of helplessness (which makes us resentful) and self hatred if our disorder is blamed as the causation of the relationship failing.

Funny man: We do have a sense of humor, albeit it's one that often leans toward the darker and more unconventional side. This distinctive humor arises from our unfiltered thoughts and the keen ability to perceive and appreciate the absurdities or ironies of life that tend to elude others. We often find amusement in topics that others might perceive as morbid or taboo. Our unfiltered thoughts let us see the humor in situations that might be uncomfortable or unsettling for many. The unbridled nature of our thoughts allows us to view the world through a lens unencumbered by societal norms or emotional sensitivities. We lack the typical social filters that might restrain others from finding humor in certain topics. However, while we may appreciate dark humor, we do tend to recognize the need to share it selectively, and we're capable of shifting what we put out there enough to be acceptable and humorous to different groups of people.

Friendship Potential: While we are often characterized by a lack of emotional empathy and a pragmatic approach to relationships, it's good to recognize that our honestly unique qualities can contribute to the potential for us to be great friends in certain contexts.

Logical Perspectives: Sociopaths, with our cold, logical perspectives, can offer insights and advice that are unclouded by emotional biases. This rational approach can be valuable, especially in situations where objective analysis is required.

Reliability and Consistency: Sociopaths may exhibit a high level of consistency and reliability in our friendships. Our pragmatic nature often translates into clear communication and straightforward expectations, reducing the likelihood of unpredictable behaviors.

Solution-Oriented Approach: The problem-solving skills we hold can be an asset in a friendship. Our focus on achieving goals and navigating challenges efficiently can contribute to finding effective solutions in various situations.

Honesty as a Form of Care: Sociopaths, in our own way, may express care through brutal honesty. While this honesty may be unsettling, it can be interpreted as a sincere effort to provide transparent insights, devoid of the social niceties that often accompany communication.

Loyalty to a Select Few: Though generally characterized by a lack of empathy, we may form genuine bonds with a small circle of individuals. This selective loyalty can result in deep and lasting friendships, where we are able to demonstrate commitment and support.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hello! I hope you are having a good weekend, could you recommend HR with the jealousy mini trope? The hero being a jealous idiot, not that it takes the whole book but more like the hero could actually be very vocal about him not liking other men looking/talking at the heroine

Hmmmm this is kind of common, but also something I'll admit I don't think a lot of authors pull off. Not because it's a Bad Thing, but because it often feels shoved into the story as an obligatory "check a box" moment. And I hate a check a box moment, lol.

So, books I think do it well:

Charlotte and The Seductive Spymaster by Grace Callaway. I love this one because the entire premise of the book is that Charlotte and Sebastian were married young, he appeared to die, and it turns out he did in fact fake his death for Reasons. So twelve years later, she's finally beginning to open up to another man, and like. As they're kissing, a literal rock comes flying through a window. It's Sebastian! He's stalking her! (Stalking is Love in romance, and I'm fine with it.) And he's PISSED that this other dude is trying to make moves on his wife, who fully thinks he's dead, because of his own choices lol. There's more jealousy in the book; I wouldn't call it a love triangle, because Charlie doesn't ever really seriously consider the other dude and he in turn is not serious about her... But it is a love triangle in her husband's head.

Stephanie Laurens's Cynster series features generally jealous heroes because they're all alphas (with Conqueror's Blood). I think A Rake's Vow is a good one for this, because Patience is being approached by other men, and Vane is like UM???? BUT WE FUCKED IN THE OUTDOORS MARRY ME??????

Melissa and the Vicar by S.M. LaViolette. Magnus thinks Hugo and Melissa are fucking (albeit because they put on QUITE a show because Melissa has self-loathing issues and wants Magnus to leave; Magnus Will Not Leave because he's OBSESSSED) and is fuming with jealousy. Also: ? I think Hugo actually also has his own jealousy issues in Hugo and The Maiden, as some other guy is vying for his heroine's hand.

For My Lady's Heart by Laura Kinsale. The hero definitely experiences jealousy (and also a "what the fuck" moment) because the heroine is pretending to sleep with her teenage assassin, Allegreto. To be clear, she is not sleeping with the teenage assassin. Also, Allegret is pretending to be castrated but is like "SHE WANTS ME FOR OTHER THIIINGS" and our hero is all "I really wish I hadn't joined this weird traveling band of freaks". Poor Ruck. Flowers from the Storm, another Kinsale, also has a jealous hero who's like "THESE FUCKING QUAKERS ARE TRYING TO TAKE THIS WOMAN I FORCED TO MARRY AWAY FROM ME GODDAMMIT".

Monica McCarty's Highland Guard series has very possessive heroes who tend to be jealous of like. Anyone who gets near their heroines. Which is like? Actually kind of a thing. The Saint actually has the hero watch the heroine marry his best friend at the beginning, and there is much angst about it when Shit Happens.

Seduce Me at Sunrise by Lisa Kleypas. BUT OF COURSE. Julian, the Nice Guy Doctor, is trying to court Win, and Kev refuses to be with her because He'll Kill Her with His Horse Cock, but he WILL absolutely seethe with jealousy if Julian even breathes near her.

Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas. Derek is very jealousy of Sara's wet blanket fiancee. There's an entire scene where he finds out she kissed the fiancee (and mind you, Derek was very much the other man in this situation lol) and he's like "WHAT THE FUCK" and Sara's dad observes this, surmises that Derek and Sara have Done Things, and is all "okaaaaaay so we'll need to get y'all married ASAP".

It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas. Westcliff is, naturally, extremely twitchy and jealous when St. Vincent is doing his whole "let's court Lillian for the evil" thing. And has a whole "i think THE FUCK not" when Sebastian offers for her. Sebastian is also pretty jealous and possessive in Devil in Winter when Evie turns out to have a Hot Guy Buddy in Cam Rohan. Which he should be. Because Cam fucks.

In When the Earl Met His Match by Stacy Reid, the hero takes the heroine's daughter on as his own when she shows up pregnant by another man and in need of a marriage of convenience... and then the biological father of the kid shows up. Our hero is Not Happy.

In The Heiress Hunt, The Lady Gets Lucky, and The Bride Goes Rogue by Joanna Shupe, all of the heroes are super jealous of the Duke of Lockwood--and to be fair? In like, two and half of those situations, Lockwood WAS trying to get with their women. And we love him for it. In The Duke Gets Even, Lockwood is also jealous of this one guy Nellie has fucked recently, and additionally Nellie's cousin, because he does not in fact know that it's her cousin at first. What does kill me is that even in Lockwood's book, the beef is like still real with him and the other guys. They're all so threatened lmao. Which they should be, because Lockwood is hot, and the ULTIMATE example of Gentleman in The Streets, Freak in The Sheets.

Elizabeth Hoyt heroes are usually jealous lol. Winter Makepeace is definitely jealous of the various guys trying to fuck Isabel in Thief of Shadows.

When the Duke Was Wicked by Lorraine Heath features Human Disaster The Duke of Lovingdon being jealous of the guys he's literally trying to set Grace up with.

[sanguine-salvation]

I'm greedy. Can I have one of each? Can be small things.

🗑️⚖️💚

(if not, dealer's choice!)

[ Scrapped 🗑️, Limbo ⚖️, or Development 💚? - ACCEPTING ]

Thankfully, the font of forbidden knowledge runs deep! 🙌

🗑️ I had originally had it that Viktor did spend some early days of their criminality working under Carmine Falcone. Gotham (TV) is not one of my major influences, but I was willing to explore it because it was asked of me. Unfortunately, after a lot of work and plotting, the other person involved loss interest in it and ditched it quickly after I had worked it into their story, so it just kind of sat there in their lore useless with some vestigial traits attached (not liking suits and their repulsion to working with anyone else ever). I have since cut ties with from the person who asked for that aspect of my blog (for other more serious reasons), so instead, they just hate suits because they don't like any clothes that have full coverage, both because scars and because it also reminds them of the days when they were a proper little busy bee in Gotham's business world. And with that also went the abhorrence of working with other people. While they're always more of a loner when it comes to crime, they will humor working in the same direction as others more easily now. Would I be willing to explore that concept again? Eh, probably. It's not unworkable with my version of Zsasz, given there's plotting done to make it jive well, but I also doubt there's a ton of Carmine Falcone blogs out there.

⚖️ Whether or not I'd ever make a 'and nothing bad happened! yet!' verse for this blog. It's kind of a fun idea, tbh, of having a verse with Viktor either pre-murder or having dodged the knife and come out the other end okay. I do have a very fleshed out pre-murder Viktor. BUT, I'm not sure if I would or how I would, or whether that would be an engaging verse. It's floating there until my brain paws slap it hard enough in one direction or another.

💚 How Viktor's relationship with death changes in verses where they are either a) in recovery, or b) a fucking bird. Because it definitely will. That's mostly because their recovery verses aren't super tapped here on the blog, but I've had ideas in mind for a long while because there's a lot of writing I have besides RP and some art as well. But the fun part of plotting those things is seeing how other people affect it, so I tend to keep development loose until someone starts cruising down that road with them. But as a fishbird siren, their whole concept of being an equally human giver of death, a zombie amongst fellow zombies, is very challenged by the idea that they aren't human. And whether or not this was ever truly a purpose or some latent instinct they couldn't control, which would freak them out a little more, honestly. Death is always intrinsically going to be a part of them, but exactly how has some evolution to go in certain verses!