#for real tho am i the only one unnerved by this? do people who see faces normally just like imagine the fearures in there | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

messwriting · 4 years ago

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THE SMUT PILE SECRET SANTA

Golden Eyes

Demon!Kuroo Tetsurou x Female Reader

Rating: E for explicit | Don’t read this if under eighteen.

Note: HOE HOE HOE INDEED! HAHAHAHA

This is my secret santa gift for my dear elf Alisha -- @rivendell101! I do hope you enjoy, I just tried to channel all of Kuroo’s wicked energy into this and sprinkled it with our beloved monsterfucking. Sorry for all the questions, I just wanted to surprise you but also include only things you’d like. ;-; Hope you enjoy and MERRY SMUTMAS <3

Big thanks and lots of kisses to my dear Tay @deathcab4daddy who read this, betaed, and said it wasn't the train wreck I thought it was 😂🥺😘💕

Warnings: This is loosely inspired by the manhwa DEAR DOOR, by Pluto, from which the art above is also from (Satan is fucking hot)! Monsterfucking - Demon. Use of tongue and tail in a very uh naughty way. Magic makes you horny at some point (tho i don’t think is dub-con?), but just to be sure Magic Manipulation. Assplay with tongue and finger penetration. Denials, oh so many denials. Sprinkle of spanking. Soft pain play. Overstim. Oral sex. Rough sex. CHOKING. BITING. MARKING. Demon uhhhh lure? aijaisajisj He’s seducing you with his devilish powers. CORRUPTION. RELIGIOUS BLASPHEMY (sorry jesus).

Word count: ~7.4k. I can’t write anything short, why?!

“So… you’re a demon?” You ask, weirdly not completely panicking over the fact that this brick wall of a man showed up out of nowhere in the middle of your living room as if this were just another Sunday night. The stranger smiles your way with a lopsided grin and the shivers that run through your body seem to support his affirmation.

“Did the horns give it away?” The dark-haired demon asks, with a smile that could make him the single male model of some sin’s propaganda. Your eyes flick to his tail, long and thick, moving calmly in waves behind him, and come up to the unbelievably wide black wings sprouting from his back and threatening to blow a hole in your ceiling.

“Sure,” You say while your eyes come back to his face, taking a second look at the long, twisted black horns sprouting from his high forehead and mixing with his thick raven hair. “Let’s say it’s the horns.”

He snickers but his golden stare is very much sharp on you. Even before it pinned you in place you had found that your legs had begrudgingly refused to move in front of the massive presence in your living room.

“You’re an interesting little thing, aren’t you?” He muses out loud, his arms crossing in front of his body while one hand cradles his own face while he looks down at you. The gold irises glint in the dark like a beacon, the small crystal-like black pupil like that of a wild animal. “Normally people would have been screaming by now. Or passing out. Maybe running.” He doesn’t move from where he stands, but his sentient tail floats over to you, lightly caressing the side of your face as a child stroking their pet; it moves under your chin, over your jaw and cheekbone, pats your hair back, and comes to circle your throat.

It doesn’t squeeze -- but the threat is pretty much clear.

“I don’t think my legs can move.” You tell him in a breathless voice, panic eating away at the corners of your sanity the more you stare at the insanity in front of you. A monstrosity of man with a tail and wings to crown it swaying in your living room as if it’s all okay, as if this is real life. You shudder in place, a whole-body wave of dread that moves along your body and makes you tremble as all the hair on your being stands in place. He grins down at you, wicked and pretty, a cheshire air of mischief in the way his golden irises glint in the dark background of his eyes and mingle with the dim lit room to go with the roll of white pearls of sharp-looking teeth in his mouth.

“Am I dreaming?” Your thoughts escape from your lips in a breath as his tail grounds you to reality, burning hot and heavy around your neck. It contrasts awkwardly with the image in front of you, which your brain keeps trying to deny as true, but the weight of his tail pulls you from the edge of disbelief and pins you in place, your limbs turning cold as you feel unable to move. “Or am I going insane, somehow?”

“Do you think your brain is failing you, little one?”

“Well, seems like the logical reason why there’s a winged man in my living room. With horns and-- a tail.” Your voice stops and you gulp right before your eyes snap once again to his devilish black and golden eyes. “Wait. Are you a demon? Is… a demon in my living room?” The more you speak the least sense it makes. The thing in front of you seems to be very amused by the twinges of panic and disbelief coloring your voice and expression. “Why?”

He smirks and his wings do a fluttering thing before they curve inside his back, two massive black things even when they’re closed. “Must be your lucky day.”

You snort even through your scared haze. “Not exactly what one thinks when considering demons.”

“Ah, bad rep.” Kuroo says and he floats as if he’s sitting on a chair, his legs crossing as he supports an elbow on his thigh and his face on his hand. It’s both parts unnerving and enthralling, and you’re struck with the fact of how big he is once again. “God’s marketing team is hella good. We get the rep for everything going on now-- the crops died? Oh, the devil. Psycho kid? Demoniac. Fucked up government? Send from hell. Sex? Devilish.” He sighs, his pretty lips jutting in a pout as his beautiful face falls into a tired mask. “It’s tiresome to be the poster-boys to all things wicked.”

“Well, seems like you do the part just fine.” You hide yourself through some small sarcasm, as you grumble the remark.

“Hah.” His sharp teeth flash in the dark at the barked laugh, a gasped sound as if he truly found your remark funny. “We get used to it,” He nods your way and then shrugs, a never-leaving smirk on his lips. “And I like the style.”

“Sure,” you say, despite the clear unconvinced tone of your voice as your eyebrows shut up slowly, eating the distance from your hairline until you blink and tiptoe around your next words, “not to be rude, Mr. Demon--”

“Call me Kuroo.” He cuts you off charmingly, as one would in flirting; a playful arch in his brows as his smile spreads just that bit more over his face. You just now realize the appeasing traces of it, the sharp angle of his jaw, the high of his square cheekbones, and the elegant line of his nose; then your eyes fly over the protruding circles of his horns, and your eyes go round almost involuntarily.

“Okay…” It breaches your lips along with a puff of breath. You blink a few times before continuing, still doubting your own eyes as they thread over the massive monster in front of you. You wonder if he’d look better if he’s bent to your height, but then again that wouldn’t do much about those broad shoulders, engulfing your wall where he stands. “Not to be rude, Mr. Kuroo, but…” you steady yourself with a deep breath before continuing, your hand flying to press against your eyes before you can reopen then and see the exact same thing from before -- a demon in your house. “What the fuck you’re doing here, exactly?”

He smiles, pleased with your cussing, apparently. Then his eyes turn focused, predatory, and they’re locked on you.

“I’ve come to offer a deal, little one.”

“A deal?” You parrot, lost in the pull of those golden eyes.

“Yes,” Kuroo smirks, lips splitting unnaturally over sharp canines. He keeps floating in his position, face supported on a big, clawed, hand. “And a quite good one, too.”

“You… You’re at my home, to offer me a deal, right after the small rant on Devil’s bad marketing.” You list the things, doubt thick in your voice.

Kuroo smiles, but it looks wrong. “Yes, dear.”

“Okay,” You risk, though it comes out as a question. Kuroo seems pleased, though. “Go ahead, I guess?”

“I need something from you.”

“Oh shit, is this the soul thing?” Your eyes widened again, hands coming to stand protectively in front of you even as you doubt you could do much to fend him off if he wanted to do you harm. “I’ve seen Supernatural, I’m not selling my fucking soul okay?!”

“Chill, kitten, I don’t really mind your soul.” He’s rather nonchalant, golden eyes completing a circle along his eyeballs before they fall once again on you while Kuroo comes out from his floating position to pace calmly over to you. Then, his sharp teeth split his face wickedly in two, an alluring characteristic in the way his lips form an overconfident grin as he bends over you in your place on the couch. “It’s your body I’m interested in.”

“My… body?”

“Have you ever heard of hell portals?” His face engulfs your line of vision as his tail angles your head back to look up at him, a clawed finger gliding over your jawline at that.

“No? Should I? Who do you think I am to know about hell doors?” It happens again, your thoughts slipping through your lips at the same rate as you think them, the sarcastic tone of your mind also dripping out much as if that had been your intention all along.

He seems rather happy at that, too.You wonder if he’s prying the truth from you somehow. “Well, you’re one.”

“What?” You ask, stupidly, as his face gets further from you and he straightens back into his full height.

“A door, to hell.” Kuroo finishes, cheerfully. It looks, once again, wrong on his face, as if it's more of a threat than a joke.

The seconds pass by as falling rocks over metal, loud and rattling, a restless moment in which you keep staring at the monster --demon-- face and even as his horns stay in place and his curved wings twitch, it stills feels wholly detached from reality; an insane, out of this plane moment in which you doubt your whole being - your eyes and your ears and your brain and your skin, where the weight and warmth of his tail still surrounds your neck.

“Now I know I’m losing my mind.” You murmur to yourself as you can’t make peace between reality and, well, this reality.

“Ah, you humans are such disbelievers. I’m here in front of you, saying you’re a portal, and you still doubt your own eyes as if they’re the origin of your offense.” Kuroo mocks you, crossing his arms in front of his body and for a second your eyes linger on the blackness of his clawed hands, the weird way they’re shaped as if something is enveloping them, elongating claws on the point of his fingers with the color of a moonless night. Still, the acidic tone in his voice makes you perk up with infuriating annoyance, and it seeps from you at the same rate as it fills you.

“Well, sorry if it’s hard for me to believe I’m a fucking hell portal.” You sass him, fiery eyes closing on gold. It’s even more annoying that he smiles through your taunt. “Ten minutes ago I didn’t even believed in hell.”

“You can keep doubting if you want. Aren’t you doing so even when you see me here? All I need is passage and then you’ll be free to doubt once again,” his eyes glow brighter as he closes in on yours in a way that has you swaying in place, a vexatious air around him that’s unmistakable; but then again he is a demon, so maybe that’s just the norm. “That is… if you want.”

A shiver runs down your spine at the promise in his voice, and your own trembles when you ask, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That this can be a one-time thing -- or not.”

You blink, a bit lost.

“What’s this, exactly?” Your brain pulses in pain at the quantity of information it has to make sense and still try to understand. It’s too much and soon you’re pressing your hands on your face in frustration, “Dude, you’re not making sense.”

“It’s easy.” Kuroo says and suddenly you’re yanked up by thin air, floating in front of his fingers at his will as he twirls your body in the air as if you’re some sick kind of roulette. “Inside you, there’s a portal. I’ll activate it, and go to hell. In exchange, I’ll give you something.” As he speaks, clawed hands slowly and maliciously thread over the valley of your breasts and then down your middle, his golden eyes like a lighthouse to your wandering attention. “Something I know you desire, but you may not even know so. May not even accept yourself.” As his fingers approach the appex of your sex, you’re rounded in the air abruptly and set right on your feet in front of him, safe and sound and dizzy, feeling like prey to those eyes. “It may be this single time, or, if you accept my deal, it can be more.”

You breathe some big gulps of air before speaking in a wavering voice, “Something I wish? And you won’t tell me what that would be?”

“Essentially, you know. You just may be in… denial.” His eyes flash that golden glint once again, twirling molten pools of liquid sun on his face. Their constant, slow motion never-ending circles seeping inside your consciousness, making your mind blank, slowly flowing into a haze in which you feel lost but safe; warmth flowing from it over you as if you’re being dipped in melted honey, weighted down but comfortable, as moving against warm waves in a tropic beach.

It tips from your mouth as you’re swimming in the molten pools of gold, pulled out from your body as the warm breath from your lungs, heated and pliant. “Okay.”

The spell crashes as his grin spreads through his face, the self-satisfied smirk of a cat who got its prey. Just as you’re burning in embarrassment and ready to cancel whatever that was you just said yes to, a sudden wave of warmth spreads from your face to your feet, your hair undulating at the force it hits you, and travelling so quickly you can feel the way your toes curve while a buzz crosses them, a pleasant but foreign thrill settling in your bones. You send him a nasty glare.

“The fuck have you done to me?”

“Me? Nothing, kitten.” Kuroo tells you but everything from his expression, to his stance and the fucking satisfied smirk he sports tell you it’s a lie. Your glare turns worse. His lips are curved up in a telling manner but he concedes with a tilt of his head. “I just lowered your inhibitions, relax.”

“Why would you do that?” The questions zap from your mouth just as you think it, and in a fleeting thought you wonder if that isn’t exactly what he meant.

“I told you, I’m going to give you what you want.” Kuroo says as he stops in front of you, a sexy, powerful sway in the way he moves and towers over you that you can’t help but appreciate. “But I need you to accept your darker wishes,” It’s a murmur, raspy in his deep voice, and you breathe the words in as the indecent, luscious feeling swell inside your being and seems to find it’s home in your chest-- and drip from your sex. “And then embrace me.”

“I don’t want you.” You tell him, but it comes breathless, weak, and as Kuroo’s golden eyes pierce yours, you can feel as he pinpoints your lie.

“Then let’s change that, shall we?”

He wastes no time in maneuvering you into his arms, pulling you through thin air until his feral hands close around your middle and neck. Kuroo tilts your head back while grazing a single clawed finger over your pulse-point and up to your jawline, and then his breathing comes loud and misty against your bared skin.

“Wait--” You plead as your breath comes in long puffs and when you wet your lips before continuing, a freakishly long, wet and hot tongue comes to lick a big stripe of your skin and you yelp loudly, “-- the fuck!”

Kuroo, on the other hand, literally hums approvingly and brings his nose to glide over your skin, soft breathing as his hands pull you closer into his massive chest. You realize now, at the proximity, just how big and broad he is, somehow between terrifying and uncanningly acceptable.

His body runs hot, the temperature difference between yours quite clear when your skin feels so heated by his touch, clothes you found nice now feeling constricting the more of you that touches him.

The planes of his chest are hard and toned, lean muscle and strength as he moves you up without effort, your feet dangling way above the ground and still no hint of struggle as he supports your weight. As you get closer, those yellow irises centered in black globes seem to pry inside your mind, big and all encompassing; it makes something coil in your chest, much like panic but tame as agitation.

“Wait--” You breathe out and look down, shocked at the distance you found yourself from the ground. Something crawls from your chest as a distressed groan, “I--”

Kuroo tilts your head back and -- not without sending you a smirk -- delves down to close your lips together.

Whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t this -- you’re swept away by the kiss, amazed at how well your mouths work together, how perfectly plush and soft his thin lips feel on yours, how pleasing the motions of his tongue are against yours, how tasteful his movements are, and before long, you’re breaking the kiss but because you need to breathe, to pull some air inside yourself to battle the haze settling in your mind.

It does nothing to aid you though.

Your body feels achingly flushed, avid, weirdly pliant and it is with mild surprise that you feel yourself drooling inside your panties. Something tells you to be indignant, to kick him, to bite and claw, but instead you’re sighing the weakest of noises, spiralling back to his expert lips, falling deeper inside the slow seduction that this demon offers.

Kuroo moves you calmly, his big, searing hot hands threading across your body and working goosebumps in it’s trail even as all he does is touch you over your clothes. Your hands, previously abandoned by the side of your body start to move up his body, spreading your small palms over his chest, and instead of pushing him off, you’re pulling him closer, opening your mouth wider, your legs hiking over his side as if you’re begging for the moment he’ll pick you up.

“Hmm, what a nice little thing you are.” Kuroo murmurs over your lips, taking in the wrecked expression you sport with just a kiss. “So honest, too.” His claws glide over your thigh, hiked on his side. It doesn’t hurt, but the feeling of something sharp sliding against your skin makes your heart rate pick up and your panties grow wetter.

“You’ll like this too, kitten, don’t worry.” His syrupy voice enchants you as he hooks a razor-sharp claw on the side of your shorts, threads up slowly and precise until the ripping sound breaks through your haze. When you look down, your hooded eyes turn wide, taking in the fact he just ripped your shorts and how easily they slide to the ground once they’re free from your hiked leg. The panties stay, but they’re not exactly much.

“Hey!” You turn to look up at him, puffed cheeks in indignation, and one of his hands yanks your head back, angling your body in a arch as his other hand glides over your thigh to your lower belly, sharp thumb swiftly climbing up your body and with such, ripping your comfy t-shirt. The feeling of something scratching along your middle and the valley of your breasts make your breathing catch up on your lungs, too afraid it will press enough to hurt if you move. You never knew a menace could be this seductive.

Still, the anticipation coils inside you, pours from between your legs as your skin feels too small to hold all the feelings cursing to you, your breasts heavy and your lips falling open in a breath that Kuroo drinks from your lips, attentive and dedicated as his tongue comes out and slides over your lips.

His eyes glint in the dark, sharp and focused.

“You know what? I think I’ll like you.”

The air feels cold on your heated skin, especially when he holds you so close. Small trembles pass through your frame as you melt inside his kiss, falling deeper inside the pleasure he offers you and Kuroo barely started. Your nipples perk up without attention and when his rough palm rolls over them, their new-found sensitivity makes it impossible for you to not let out a sound. It’s something meek and surprised, but Kuroo seems proud of it and decided to pull more out of you.

Magically, you’re yanked up, floating until your middle is at the height of his neck.

“Hey! What are you doing?” Your head is millimeters from hitting the ceiling, your hands touching it as a way to protect yourself, you throw a nasty glare down at his face just for him to make a half-circle in the air and your upper body be launched behind.

“No!” You’re laying on thin air -- your heart beating so fast your blood pulses in your head as you look over your shoulder and notices just how impossible is the situation going on, where you’re levitating a few meters from the ground.

If he stops now, would you go down crashing? Would you die from such a fall? Questions swirl in your mind enough for you to forget whats going on - the way a sharp claw swiftly cuts the side of your panties - until something wet, firm and long prods on your dripping folds.

“What--” Your first action is to hitch your neck up so you can confirm that it is what you think it is, and, granted, Kuroo is slowly prying you open, his huge tongue threading on your most sensitive parts. As he laps a long stripe down your pussy, he looks up at you in flashing gold, seeming extremely pleased.

Kuroo winks at you, depraved.

Your blood is rushing through your veins at such a haste that you feel dizzy, and your whole body is fervent as something very loud breaks through your lips as Kuroo’s tongue moves and presses on your slit, circles your clit, and moves in serpentine movements along your puffy cunt.

You didn’t realize before how the texture of his tongue was a bit rugged but now you’re suffering the full extent of its benefits as he eats you out sloppily, enough that you’re dripping down on the carpet as his monstrously long and dexterous tongue plays with your cunt as if that’s his sole mission on earth. Kuroo hums against your clit, makes your whole body tremble with it, and at some point, he manages to press his tongue flat against your clit and still reach enough that it dips softly inside your entrance, slowly and deliciously prying the inner ring of your sex open, then broader.

You can’t help the noises falling from your lips and when one of his rough, clawed hands close around your breast, the pressure inside you peaks and you’re panicking at how close you are to your first orgasm, from his tongue alone, at an impossible long and sentient… demon tongue.

But he retreats just as your mouth falls open, your throat constricted by the scream that instead becomes an indignated gasp. “Fuck--! I was--”

“Hmmm, I know.” Kuroo answers you, his hands coming to hold your thighs open as you tremble from the effort. His thumb pulls your cunt lips apart and his golden eyes glint, fierce and pleased at the same time. “Aren’t you an interesting plaything? Skyrocketing into pleasure head first when I was just getting a taste.” He licks his lips, his canines making an appearance as his ridiculous long tongue cleans his face and chin where your juices have leaked to.

His grin should be illegal. “Delicious, by the way. But I’m not ready to end this so fast.”

“End this… fast?” You ask, still having difficulty in thinking straight when you’re floating up in the air with your legs spread open in front of his face, his thumbs spreading you open as if you’re his meal and he likes to play before eating.

“Maybe we should go somewhere more comfortable.” Kuroo muses out loud and before you can blink you’re falling, screaming in your surprise until you bounce on the comfortable cushion of your bed. The air is knocked out of you in a oof, but Kuroo just looks down at you happily, his smile still looking mischievous as if that’s his whole personality trait.

You know what, maybe it is.

“Warn a girl.” You tell him, and he winks your way, just as he pulls your naked body to the edge of the bed.

“Consider yourself warned: i’m about to eat you up.”

His massive hands engulf you and arch your body into his eager mouth, where his tongue lavish at your sex in a way that has you feeling as if they everywhere and at the same time. The muscle is thick and long, firm as it presses from your entrance to your clit, as it rounds your sensitive spot and slithers down through your pussy lips, slurping it with his lips as his wicked tongue never stops its prodding.

One of his hands circles your body, closes around your breast and tweeks your hard nipple between his thumb and forefinger, painfully, deliciously, something obscene curling inside you at the way the feelings mix, the pain and the bliss and it doesn’t help that Kuroo moves his mouth to the sensitive and fragile skin of your inner thighs and build a whole trail of bite marks and throbbing hickeys.

Something firm, large and hot slither up your body, circling a breast but finding it’s home at a circle around your neck -- his tail -- and the more vocal you become, the more it seems to close around your throat, your heart beating on your fingertips as they claw at anything of Kuroo’s you can reach, hazy and breathless at the way he discloses your wicked desires so plainly, the way his every move seems to discover layer after thick layer of temptations that you have hidden so deep with partners before.

“Such a pretty little thing you are,” Kuroo coos to you when he presses a thick finger past the tight ring of your cunt. “So honest and eager,” It moves, prods, another one joins and soon they’re scissoring against your walls, opening your tender flesh so he can sink himself in further.

The mere thought has you moaning out loud -- unbelievable and yet, you feel how your arousal drips from your cunt to your thighs.

“Ahhhh~” Kuroo exhales as his tongue laps a long stripe of your juices. “So pure.” He says against your pussy lips, kissing them and then letting his long tongue slide further until it prods between the cheeks of your ass, immediately falling into circular motions on the furl of muscle. You yelp but midway it becomes an embarrassing moan. “This just makes me wanna ruin you more.”

It’s too much -- he has to know it’s too much, and as Kuroo curves his fingers just right inside your sloppy cunt and his tongue breaches just the tiniest bit the resistance of your ass, your eyes are falling open in huge plates, a long moan of his name on your tongue as you’re so close to cumming you can practically taste the high already.

“No, not now.” Kuroo chastises you as he retreats his tongue and fingers from you, the arch of your body ready to snap curling in a tremble of a denied release.

“Too soon, kitten. I want to savor this.” His tone comes out between pleased and patronizing, and it makes your cunt clench, empty.

You heave, unfocused eyes blinking the wicked golden away. “What--” A deep breath. “What do you want from me?”

“Wrong question, kitten.” Kuroo tells you just as his massive frame bends over you, the wicked eyes seducing you in once again -- not that they ever stopped. “Now that I got a taste,” He murmurs practically against your lips, and you lick where his breath hits, captivated, “I want all of you.”

He lets you fall on the bed once again and maneuvers your body without difficulty until your ass is high in the air and your thighs are spread, his tail lighter around your throat, fondly slithering on your jaw. His knee presses on the mattress until it squeaks and his hands massage from your thighs to your ass, prying it open and kneading it with hard, powerful hands.

“Beautiful.” He praises you and you swear your pussy throbs and flutters hard enough to make a gushing noise. By the way Kuroo snickers, it may be true.

His tongue is the first thing you feel right after his laboured breathing on your cunt. It pries you open, thick muscle sliding inside you, big and wet and dexterous and you’re moaning against the mattress in seconds.

Kuroo seems pleased even though all he does is hum, his large hands press on your back and the other opens your cheeks wide for his assault. Something hot prods your asshole, and you’re surprised at how careful his fingers can be while maneuvering the wetness left by his tongue there. They move slowly but surely as he presses and retreats, opening you from two fronts and still seemingly not enough.

He decides to change, his tongue coming out of your sex and then sliding to your ass as his thumbs open your lips for him to watch as he dips two big fingers inside your cunt. The stretch, the massive pleasure of being assaulted by both ends make you clench and cream around his digits, once again climbing up the familiar euphoric road.

This time, however, Kuroo stops you differently.

His hard, heavy hand falls on your ass cheeks forcefully in what must be his intention of being light. You yelp loudly and groan, somehow caught between winding down and flying right over the edge.

“Oh, hoho~” Sounds from his voice and he descends his hand once again on your ass, heavy and startling. It sounds so loud and so lewd in the empty room, your whole being burns in place, trembling from the effort of holding yourself in all fours and the pure elation growing inside you, spreading from your fingertips to the depraved center of your being.

As the sting settles in your senses, it winds down your orgasm but makes a renewed wave drip from your cunt and down your thigh. You’re surprised at how it excites you, the pain, but fuck it still stings. His hand falls on your ass a couple more times but then his hot palms knead the stinging flesh, an exquisite feeling spreading over you as it throbs and burns and you melt.

“Ugh! Fuck!” You groan, biting the mattress, unable to tell him to stop and too embarrassed to tell him to keep going.

“You really are a nice plaything, aren’t you?” Kuroo asks but it seems as if it's more for himself, his digits collecting your wetness as he dips once again inside your cunt, spreading his fingers apart and sliding a third inside just as his thumb circles your clit lightly and you howl, sensitive and wanton, too eager into tasting bliss.

This time, at least you’re half-conscious he’s not letting you cum. Kuroo stops, leaving you clenching for something, anything and gives you nothing. His immoral smirk seems to sound in the air, much as the way his tail leaves your throat to circle your hair and yank you back, stuffing your open mouth with the fingers that were just inside you. You lap obediently at them and he groans in your ear, teeth nibbling at your skin. It’s almost as if he’s tempted.

“We’re almost ready, kitten.” He tells you with a hoarse voice, all sin and flames, “Hold on.”

“Ready?” You question poorly with a mouth stuffed of fingers, but he understands and nods your way, his tongue licking the spit that starts dripping from the corner of your mouth at how broad his fingers open it.

You don’t see if Kuroo undress or if he just magically gets naked behind you, the startling thing being the incredible feeling of his hot skin on yours, the dazzling feeling of his hard planes of muscle on your back, the sublime sight of his skin marked by faint scars; When you feel the scalding, throbbing thick member at the side of your thigh, however, you have to look back.

“Oh my God,” You murmur at the sight of his cock. It’s proportional to his form, but that just means it’s ridiculously big, a veiny, swollen thing that seems looming as it stands close to you, and it clicks in your slow mind just what he meant by almost ready.

“Nope, I’m on the other team here.” Kuroo grins at you as he turns you with your back on the bed, spreads you on the cushion until your thighs hurt from the effort. His tail sways behind him as if to paint a scene, and you realize his wings are nowhere to be seen now, “Though I do think it’s some kind of poetic justice to have you screaming and blaspheming jesus while I fuck you silly.”

The higher part of your cheekbones alights with flames at the implication and you gasp back the words you planned on speaking when Kuroo’s hand pivots your lower back up to his mouth and closes his efforts on your neglected clit as his freak thick tongue enters you in one go.

You cannot explain the sensation of such a soft muscle invading your walls, or the way in which it seems to focus so expertly on your weak spots, but you’re too wound up not to fall head first into rapture.

When he stops this time, you actually curse him, in the most wrecked sound that has ever left your lips.

“Ughhhhhhh--Fuck you!”

The bastard laughs, debauched, then deposits a kiss over your pussy as his golden eyes fix on you. “Now you’re ready.”

Kuroo adjusts until you’re both at the bed, pulling you up on his powerful thighs until his cock bounces over your navel and reaches way too high for you to actually be calm. But then he retreats his hips, bent over you so his lips can steal the air from your lungs just as his large hand palms at your breasts and his tail slither by your side.

“Try not to cum too fast, kitten.”

“Easier said than done,” you grumble back against his lips and let yourself fall into the ruthless ecstasy of being spread open on his cock. His lips thread on the side of your jaw, under your neck, biting and sucking on your skin as his hands divide themselves between holding you up and pawing at every bit of you they can reach.

Everything feels so good, as if he knows your inner thoughts by hint alone -- your toes curl at each newfound area that receives his onslaught, you’re contorting at how good his mouth feels on your pulsepoint as he slowly starts to sink his cock inside you. It’s a weird feeling, to feel so full and yet still so eager, but you’re welcoming him at each torturous inch he manages to squeeze inside your tight walls. Your body trembles from the effort, Kuroo’s tongue slides from your neck to your nipple as his hand climbs up and settles around your throat, his fingers enveloping your neck.

Your heart picks up enough that you feel it beating on your ears as you search for his eyes and finally you’re pinned in place under the sharp gold and their twisted intent.

“Scream for god if you want me to stop.” Is the warning he gives you before his fingers start constricting around your neck, your airways blocked as your chest starts to heave. And in between the small twinge of anxiousness and alarm, you realize just how much that entices you, how much it makes you burn and crave. Somehow you feel corrupted, falling into desires that threaten to peel you apart and leave you exposed.

Kuroo’s cock keeps slowly stretching your insides and his tongue twirls your nipple, your lungs burning for air and your eyes rolling inside your skull as you skyrocket into blissful free-fall.

“Oh, hell yes.” You listen but don’t register as your body seems to be crushed under the massive pressure of your climax, burning and bright, sound ringing in your head that you come to find out it’s from your hoarse moan, your breathing laboured as Kuroo allows you to suck in air during your peak.

It dawns on you as you’re coming back to your body that theres a twinge of soft pain indicating Kuroo has bottomed out, his muscular thighs pressing flush against yours, the feeling incredible but fuck so much right now.

As Kuroo nestles himself entirely inside of you, you feel as if your focus shifts, the task to not concentrate all of your attention on the massive hot cock spliting you in two is difficult. Your body feels tight, and not just from your fluttering walls that are constricting around him.

Kuroo sends you a big smile above your head, twinkling eyes in the dark. “Now, hold on.”

You do your best to do so, your arms latching onto him with all the strength you can muster as his hips retreat and then slam back inside you. You’re jolted at each push and pull, the sensual motions so depraved as the noises echo in the room, and you’re dragged into the ferocious pleasure that threatens to overwhelm you, and despite the fact you’ve cum just few moments before, as his tail slides between your bodies and circles and pats at your clit, you’re screaming and, quite unbelievably, cumming again.

“Now we’re very ready.” Kuroo says in a grunt above you, shameless grin as his eyes do their golden thing once again. He lets you stop trembling, peppering small kisses along your collarbone until you’re breathing normally again, but something tells you you’re just being fooled.

“What?” You tiredly question, the feeling of dread confirming your suspicion.

“We have the whole night ahead of us, little one.” Kuroo nudges at the side of your face, bites softly at the junction of your jaw. “Or we could have more. All you need to do is say yes and i’ll mark you nice and easy here--” His teeth softly nibble on your pulsepoint, “and you’ll be mine.”

“Oh, god.”

“Haha, wrong again.” His eyes pierce yours, swirling gold as molten honey dripping over your body and weighting your mind down. “Go ahead, tell me what you want.”

It tips out, softly and raw, and you have to close your eyes to hide your emotion. “To belong.”

“Oh, my little thing.” Kuroo softly murmurs on your ear, “Belong to me, then.”

You’re swaying despite lying down, something big and heavy coiling inside your chest as you blink, “I don’t want to belong to someone who isn’t mine.”

It’s a big truth to leave out -- the need for companionship, but a mutual one, a lasting one, a trusting one. You don’t want to be alone, but you also don’t want to have someone who doesn’t belong to you, too.

Kuroo just smiles, golden eyes on yours, melting you from the fierceness alone. “Exactly,” he speaks against your lips, the taste of his breath on your tongue and you eagerly gulp it down, wickedly licking at his lips. “But i’ll be yours, too.”

In your hazed state, that’s all you need to hear, so you just shyly nod -- and Kuroo growls, angles your head to the side, and sears a marking bite on your neck -- deep, and painful. You mewl, body arching into his touch, and his tongue laps at the fresh wound, making it nice and numb.

“Now, let’s go to the main course.” Kuroo gives you no rest, retreating his hips and slamming back inside. “Don’t forget to breathe!” He teases between your moans.

Once the fucking starts, it’s a frantic mess, and it goes on forever until the mere feeling of Kuroo’s cock leaving your heat is enough to make you whimper at the loss. The feeling of him inside your walls, a thing that mingles with your being, seares your memory until you cannot remember the feeling of not being split open on his thick cock. As you melt away from the overstimulation of having no rest while Kuroo contently and incessantly keeps pistoning inside you, your painful pleasure mixes until you’re climbing into something that feels weirdly uncanny, your mind -- or is it your body? -- twirls inside itself as if there’s something more than just sweet release ready to burst out.

Kuroo has made you both teeter on the edge of pleasure and fall into it so many times you can’t differentiate the feelings that come now, this sensation of something being pulled out of you like the many orgasms he caused.

“Hmmm… Yes, my time is coming.” Kuroo groans, his hips movements turning sloppy, apparently displeased with his fucking being cut short while you very much suck a thankful breath at being able to rest. Kuroo’s teeth descend on your neck once again, his hot tongue over the pulsating mark of his bite and you feel him shudder and groan your name as he finally - finally - peaks, the feeling of hot spurts spreading inside you.

As he cums, Kuroo brings a finger to rub over your abused clit softly and between your oversensitivity and the fact he angles his fat cockhead to softly pound over your sweet spot as he sails his own climax, there’s very little you can do but be ripped apart in bliss, once again, by him. This time is weird. Even as pleasure keeps swirling inside you and building up with the eerie sensation, you can do very little but hold on and wait until the waves crash and pass and you can blissfully surrender into the darkness of exhaustion.

However, the freakish sensation twirling inside yourself builds and builds until you’re light-headed from the feeling and you just then realize how you’re shining, and how Kuroo has disappeared.

You don’t even have it in yourself to panic. Your body feels heavy and used, spent in the best way possible, but still completely unused to such a frantic session as every muscle in your being throbs, and your eyelids weigh the world as they fall closed and you’re engulfed by darkness.

[bonus scene]

When you wake up in the morning, you are engulfed in a nice blanket, dressed in some mismatched set of pajamas, feeling as if you just had the best sleep of your life - and a weird vivid dream to go with it. You’re blinking up to your ceiling, stretching on your bed and satisfied with how the knots break in small noises as you sit up, when you feel just how sore you are, how your body is heavy despite satisfied, how your thighs burn and your sex throbs.

Everything crashes up on your mind way too fast, and you’re suddenly torn between passing out and bolting up, but as you try to get up your body falters and a big, hard, hot hand plants itself over your middle and pulls you right back at the bed.

Of course, you scream.

“Shh, kitten, there’s people trying to sleep here, y’know?”

“What--How--What are you doing here?” You shriek, looking at what is definitely the demon you thought you dreamed, but in a way more humanized version if the absence of his horns, claws and massive wings are anything to go by. The golden eyes are sharp as ever, but no black background to them, and you can infer by that much that his sinful tail probably isn't around too.

The grin he sends your way gives you war flashbacks that make your skin prickle with goosebumps.

“Well, yesterday was quite nice.” He tells you and you can feel your whole face burn from his tone alone. “So I decided that hell can wait a bit more while I have more fun with you.” His eyes flash with a weird energy, and Kuroo brings his fingers to glide over his bite mark at your neck. The throbbing mark you had forgotten about until now. “After all, you’re mine now.”

“Oh, fuck.”

You’re doomed.

#kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader smut #kuroo smut #tw monsterfucking #haikyuu smut

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charmspoint · 4 years ago

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Top 5 characters that live in your head rent free 🤔

For this ask meme

Oh god ONLY five??? GOOD QUESTION. This is gonna be hard to both decide on and rank fairly uhoh lets see, this ranking his shifty as hell depending on what I’m into atm obvs

5. Tsurugi Kamiya from Servamp

Does he look like a knock off Izaya? Yes. Is he? Very much no.

Tsurugi is like my no 1 reason for getting back into Servamp, I left right in the middle of his arc and I ;-; IS HE OKAY??? DID HE GET AWAY FROM TOUMA??? DID HE BECOME WRATHS EVE??? NOBODY TELL ME I’LL FIND OUT ON MY OWN.

Servamp was one of those shows where I didn’t really have a fav main character for a good while until this guy showed up. This guy is an absolute crazy little monster I can’t overemphasize on this, his coat is used as a fucking straight jacket I’m not even kiddin

You get introduced to him and he’s scary and terrifying because he’s so strong, like he’s one of those strongest in the series characters and since he and the heroes are on semi opposing sides he is a serious threat. So you get introduced to this guy who seems borderline crazy and feral and then...you get to see him goofing off with his two boyfriends and their kid and it’s just

The domesticity!!!!Look at it!!!! It’s so fucking cute aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, they are so cute together OT3 of C3 ftw, MY SON. Like Tsurugi had a horribly abusive childhood and was basically raised like an attack dog and his previous partner :) well he do be trying to seriously kill him don’t he. But look! He found his own little family he can be semi normal in!! Until is torn apart by his abusive adoptive father figure :D!!! I ABANDONED HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT ARC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im sorry this got so long on this particular character none of the others will be so long i just miss him TSURUGI ILL CATCH UP FOR YOU!!!! Maybe he should have been no 1 hbjhbjh fucking sleeper agents am i right

4. Izaya Orihara from Durarara

Ah yes, the og queen bitch. Has my taste for villains ever recovered from Izaya? No. If your villain isn’t at least a bit like Izaya I’m not interested. Durarara was one of my first serious fandoms and Izaya was the first character I ever wrote for and I think you can explain me as a person if you consider Izaya was my all time fav at 13. I can’t really say anything about Izaya that hasn’t been said thousands of times before, I love how goofy and overperformative he can be, I love how there’s so much in him once you crack him open, I love how good of a villain he is for a messy story such as DRRR, puppeteer villains are really a league of their own. We need more puppeteering twinks, maybe then I’d be more into villains yaknow.

3. Hawks from Boku no Hero Academia

To no ones surprise!Him! I’ve been drifting off from BNHA recently what from catching bad case of JJK what from just reading n watching more other stuff and honestly that’s probably good because I’ve been into BNHA for a couple of years now as my main fandom and I really could have used a break. Not to say I don’t like BNHA anymore tbh I think right now BNHA is the best it’s ever been just ya know, drifting. That being said my love for Hawks will never die, god what a good boy and we got his backstory too aaa ;-;. BNHA was just like Servamp, something I liked but didn’t really have a fav character in until this random support character strolled in and won my heart. God I love how much we got on Hawks. He’s completely different from his initial impression and his unrelenting strive to do good despite being thrown from one horrible situation to the next is just ;-; HES SUCH A GOOD BOY. He’s selfless to a fault, literally putting everyone before himself and putting himself down for not being able to achieve more than is humanly possible I’m just ;-; I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY. He just makes my heart happy, he’s good and warm and hardworking and in a manga where trauma plays such a major role in so many characters it’s so good to see Hawks there, having been through three different types of hell and still coming out unnerving in his goodness. All I want for him is to have a good life and to one day be able to smile for real.

2. Gojo Satoru from Jujutsu Kaisen

Again no surprise since I’ve been so into jjk lately. Satoru is p high up rn cuz I’m mainly into JJK now but god knows where he will actually settle. He’s not even really my favorite character in the show, that goes to Inumaki, but this is a list of who I think about the most (tho all of these characters are either no 1 or no 2 for their shows) and boy my brother and foxy can tell you I’m constantly thinking about this bitch. I didn’t really care about him that much at the start but then I got to Hidden Inventory and OH BOY MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. Satoru is such a wonderfully complex character whos evolution you can clearly follow through the years. He’s under so much pressure as the strongest sorcerer to deal with everything and he has to operate in that system trying to change it for the better while at the same time trying to make sure his students arent sacrificed in the name of that change. He has a very goofy disposition but along side with Nanamin who’s a lot more explicit about it, it’s clear he cares about mental state of his students a whole lot. He knows this world is terrible and that the will come out of it with scars and that he can’t protect them from all of it, but he balances protecting and letting them grow as much as he can. They need to grow so jujutsu society can change after all, but they also need to be protected so they don’t fuckin die before that can happen. This is without all the many many opinions I have on Hidden Inventory and SatoSugu as a whole, how they influenced each other, how differently they reacted to their shared trauma (Funny how everyone on this list is fuckin traumatized) and what resulted from it. How their fucking love story is dramatic enough to be a Shakespeare play. Also I like it when he’s long and goofy ahahah

1. Chuuya Nakahara from Bungou Stray Dogs

Not to objectify men on main but I couldn’t choose a picture

If there is ever a day when I don’t go feral over Chuuya I’ll probably be dead. He not only lives in my head rent free he owns the place.

HES SO UNDERUSED.

BSD has such a great setup with Chuuya, like he’s ex partners with the mentor of the main character who got betrayed and abandoned when the mentor left shared evil organization. Sounds like grounds for drama right? YOUD THINK SO. Like Chuuya and Dazai have such a great and interesting dynamic and you can feel how strained it is from the distance and betrayal and they bicker and fight as their defining relationship trait BUT there is such a strong underlying trust to all the fighting. These two trust each other with their whole lives and that hasn’t changed despite everything, despite how much time has passed and how much that trust had been tested. So you’d think he’d be an important character :) HES STUCK IN SUPPORT HONESTLY HES STUCK IN BACKGROUND UNLESS HES NEEDED TO DO SOMETHING COOL AAAAAA. Chuuya is literally one of a kind, I’ve never seen a character with such a good design and such an cool power and such an interesting relationship to one of the main characters and such a love and support from the fandom BE SO UTERLLY AND COMPLETLY WASTED. Even when we get Chuuya scraps they rarely build on relationship he has in canon but just throw in new random ones at him (tho that’s a broader problem of Kafka throwing new characters at the plot instead of developing the one he already has really). We get a hint of a cool fight with him? Completely cut out, More often then not it just feels like he is benched because he’s so damn strong there would just be no plot tension if he went in and broke some heads (which is also a problem with Satoru, guys stop writing op characters if you’ll just put em on the bus aaa). Anyway he’s completly and utterly wasted by the plot.

And it’s such a waste because he’s such a good character. Like he’s a member if the villain organization and is obviously by that very vicious and violent but also so empathetic and kind to people he considers his friends. He and Dazai have the brawn and brain thing going on and stg Chuuya is like the only brawn I can think of that is classier then their brain. Look at how this guy dressed, he’s high class gay, hat, choker, coat, gloves, he is bringing in the looks. I love how he can actually be completely calm and rational and put together but then put him with Dazai and it’s back to ‘we are 15 and we will scream out heads off at each other’, they are so childish.

Anyway I love Chuuya he deserves to be treated better and I will never stop screaming about Chuuya ever

#anon #lucy rants #ask game #this one was the most fun so far aaa i like to geek out #sorry it took so long anon but i had lots of fun with it <3

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smallblanketfort · 4 years ago

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this boy has been talking to me and i’m really feeling him but some days he just drops off of the face of the planet. it feels like he’s only there when it’s convenient for him. i don’t know what to do, because i do like him. but i’m tired of being pushed to the side. he asked if he could call me today, then said he’d be right back, and was gone for like twenty minutes. then when i hung up texted me immediately and said “where did you go?” so he had his phone, but just... wasn’t speaking to me, even tho i said “hello?” to see if he’d come back yet. this is dumb and a dumb thing to be complaining about, but i had feelings for him. i don’t know how to get rid of them. i’m stressed because i don’t feel like he’s interested in me at all, and i can’t figure out why he keeps me around at all. i get so self concious, and start worrying about things that are sort of outside of him, like will i ever be good enough for anyone? why am i always the after thought. i’m there all the time, but people only see me when they need something. i don’t know if that makes sense. i’m sorry.

lolololol i felt this. deeply. this sucks, and you deserve to feel wanted. look into your future, a pretty near future. do you prefer to be free of feelings for him and free of him, or do you want to try to see yourself trying with him? if you want to be free, you can be. it’ll just take time. but if you want to try, i might try to talk to him about it. vulnerability is really scary, and can trigger all kinds of bare, unnerved feelings. i genuinely hate having crushes, because it unlocks this anxious, unconfident part of me that almost bars me from my true self. is that him, or is it me?

and that’s a big question. one that you might not find the answer to for a long time. but here’s what i learned last year and recently realized: just bc you love who someone is, and just bc they’re safe and don’t trigger a trauma response doesn’t mean they trigger or make space for the part of you that feels and knows you’re safe and free. read that again.

do you have conversations where you feel safe to tap into the core of yourself? with all your humor and all your fears and all your memories? both and?

so what do you do with that? if you think it’s worth it, talk it over. it really could be a difference in personality or expectation. he really might not know how he’s making you feel. or maybe expectations need to be adjusted and maybe that requires some space. or... you want to feel better off without him.

it’s up to you, and you can make that decision at any time- now, tomorrow, in three months. nothing has to be forever either- you can always take a step back, but keep developing a friendship.

i hope you get to feel centered and real and safe this week. you deserve that.

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #300

that’s a lot of time wasted, lmao

If you were a witch, which animal would be your familiar? Could I have like, a melanistic barn owl? That'd be dope. They're fuckin gorgeous. If there's a design on your shirt, what is it? Ha, speaking of owls... Would you ever visit a ghost town? MOTHERFUCKER would I. Bringing my camera, too. What would you do if you found out your life was only a simulation controlled by someone else? I have a very much Detroit: Become Human (phenomenal game, btw) outlook on this: I think, therefore I am. It honestly wouldn't affect me terribly. I sure would hate my creator though, jfc, lmao. What's the scariest thing you've accidentally found on the internet? Okay so there is this one video filmed by some guys who had this really strange, sulking guy in black stalking them, and it ends with the suspected murderer slinking over to the guys (who were by this point finding it almost funny, due to how the man was acting) and charging with a knife, I think, once he was very close. I believe the men were never found afterwards. It is SO goddamn unnerving. Is there anything bothering you right now? Not to be a Negative Nancy, but when isn't there lmao. Thinking of every Halloween costume you've had, which one was the most creative? I never had creative ones, really. What's the picture on your calendar for this month? I don't have a relevant calender, just old meerkat ones on a wall in my room. If you were a mythical creature, which would you be? As much as I love dragons, they're targeted too much in fantasy to kill, so let's not, haha. Being a dryad would be cool. Or druid. Either/or. If you were an animal, which would you be? A housecat, ig. Were you ever bullied when you were younger and how did you handle it? I consider myself very lucky to have not been. Have you ever thrown something away and then wanted it back? Okay so it's "deleted" versus "thrown away," technically, but there are two senior prom pictures in specific I desperately want back because fuck my low self-esteem, I look beautiful in them and so damn happy. I even tried Facebook restore programs that supposedly recovered all pictures you ever removed, but I couldn't salvage them. I'm still pissed about it, haha. What's one random city you want to visit? I don't have a specific city, per se. More so just countries in general. If you owned a store, what would you most likely sell? I think owning a pet supply store would be really cool, with some animals that are actually very well-cared for, unlike chain pet stores. I HATE those, vehemently. So unspeakably ignorant and neglectful. If you had a garden, what sort of plants would you grow? I don't want a garden, but hypothetically, I'd love orchids, dahlias, tiger lilies, a weeping willow tree, some strawberries... What's your favorite phase of the moon? Full, of course. What's the song for your life right now? I've felt extremely connected to Seether's "Weak" lately. Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? I hope so... Who would you be the most excited to see? DO I ACTUALLY NEED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION?????????? Do you enjoy reading National Geographic magazines? If I'm like, sitting in a waiting room and they're available, I'll go for them. Do you know anyone who's serving in the military right now? Welcome to the South, baby. The boys graduate, they're going straight for the military. I only have one real friend who was one but left tho because he fucking hated it. Does or did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this house, no. As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird? Absofuckinglutely. I have A LOT of bad memories of instances where I felt like "the weird kid." Can you say "happy birthday" in another language? Omg... I forgot the German phrase. Wow, I'm rusty. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? I don't have pictures that go with any. Who was the last person to comment on one of your photos on Facebook and how did you meet that person? I just checked, and it was my friend Summer. I met her because she was actually first friends with my younger sister in pre-k, but we grew closer than they did in our teen years. What career paths are you considering? I just want to be a photographer. So badly. But I've felt super, super discouraged lately. Do you watch music videos? I pretty much never do, but rather listen through the artists' Topic uploads or lyric videos. I don't generally like official music videos because they tend to have other sounds/parts/breaks/etc. in them that distract from the song. Have you ever clicked on those banner ads that promise a prize for clicking? Probably by accident at some point in time. What kind of computer are you using? Acer Nitro. What kind of computer do you wish you were using? I'm fine with what I have. Have you ever had a weight change so drastic you went to the doctor? .-. How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? Depends on how long I'll be outside, but in most situations, in the 50s. Do you eat things off the floor? Um, ew. Who do people say you look like? My sisters. Do you usually get your homework done on time? When I was in school, I was very serious about having my homework finished by the date it was due. Have you ever framed your old movie ticket stubs? I've kept some, but never framed any. Do you have a digital camera? A Canon, yeah. Have you ever stuck something inappropriate in an electrical outlet? Bitch I ain't tryna get electrocuted. How many days has it been since your last birthday? My b-day is actually coming up soon; the 5th of February. Do you want any more siblings than you have now? Well, considering both my parents (and stepmom) are in their 50s... How easily shocked are you? VERY. I am extremely jumpy and on edge at like all times. You like the color blue, don't you? I mean yeah. Particularly the lighter tints. Who was the last person who asked you something that made you think? My therapist REEEEAAAALLY makes me do this. She's an absolute pro at getting me to dig deep into myself. Ever fired a gun? No, and I don't want to. From 1-10, how would you rate your cooking skills? Is 0 an option? Do you notice the heat or the cold more? HEAT, JESUS FUCK. It can be one or two degrees above what I consider stable and I'll be sweating. I'm hypersensitive to it I know from being in such a consistent temperature in my room like 24/7. Do you believe in miracles? Probably no. What hurts more: scratches or bites? Bites, if you're talking serious ones. Do you prefer rabbits to mice? No, mice (and especially rats) are absolutely amazing, intelligent animals. Bonus points for being mega cute too, though I do find rabbits cuter. Who out of all the people you know reasonably well is the most "dark?" Sara, haha. Favorite chocolate-based candy? Reese's. Do you call anyone babe or baby? My pets sometimes. Name me a food you used to like that you now don't: Peas, olives. Name me a food you now like but never used to: Mashed potatoes, IF prepared very well (by my standards, obviously). Would you rather live in Europe, The US, or Australia? By this point, take me to Europe. If it wouldn't be such a huge life change and leaving so many people, I would 120% move to Canada, but out of these, Europe will do. Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids, or a high flying job? Give me the high-flying job, 100%. I don't want kids, and I have no need for a large house. Is crime a big problem in your area? Oh yes. What’s your town/city most well-known for? By the locals, being the crime hub, actually, lol. Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now: Hmmm... I want a 40g tank as an upgrade for Venus, a gaming chair for when I turn the extra room into my "office" so I don't destroy my back sitting there, new glasses and a driving permit, and don't forget a gd tattoo needle pounding my skin. :^) If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? Yes, I would absolutely want a girl just because IF I wanted kids, I'd want a daughter named Alessandra. Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? Yeah, she's nice. What types of soups do you like? None. If a color could reflect your current mood, which would it be? Grayish blue. The last time you saw fireworks? I really don't know; it's been years, at least. Have you ever gone to a movie premiere? Possibly for Silent Hill: Revelation, but I'm not certain. Who was the last person to make you laugh out loud? My mom, because she made me remember something funny. What was the last commercial you heard selling? *shrug* Do you prefer fairly common names or a bit out of the ordinary ones? Oh, definitely rare and unique ones. Would you rather have a pet cat, dog, horse or tortoise? At this current time, a dog for Mom, which we're actually probably getting. She misses having one super badly. Is your laugh loud, normal or very silent? My laugh is loud and obnoxious as fuck. What are you interested in that most people would be surprised to know? Tarantulas, probably. I love them, even though spiders kinda scare me. Last movie you watched the whole way through? Elf, I think, with Sara's fam. What's your favorite fruit? Strawberries are where it's at. Last time you drank coffee? I've only ever sipped coffee to try to see if I liked it. Never have. I THINK I last took a sip of Sara's when we went on a breakfast date? Has anyone ever called you rich? Calling me rich would be entirely ludicrous. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. How many bathrooms are in your house? Two. Last time you were on a plane and where did you go? A couple years ago, coming home from Illinois. Favorite flavor muffin? Uggghhhh chocolate. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. I tend to find circles visually appealing. Did you take Music when you were in school? I think all the elementary school students did. I was also in band in middle and high school; I played the flute. Why did you last feel like crying? I'm just sick of how my life is going. Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting, or indifferent? I find it either awkward or terrifying, depending on the gender. It's not a willing thing or intended sexism whatsoever, I'm just naturally afraid of men. Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No. Does someone’s background affect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Well, it depends on what they've done. How about their religious background? No. If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? Nope, bye. Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No. How about a fashion designer? No. Do you prefer fire or ice? Fire aesthetically, but ice is certainly less intimidating. When happy, do you become more talkative? OH yes. Are you offended easily by non-politically correct language? No, really. I wouldn't say derogatory terms, but I really don't understand why most people put so much weight into a single made-up word. But again, you won't hear that language coming out of my mouth because I understand that it just does hurt some people, and I respect that. Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? It's gone overboard, imo. What's your I.Q? I don't want to know, haha. Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? No. Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Um, no. What person who has died would you bring back and why? Probably Steve Irwin. His children have done FUCKING FANTASTIC at carrying on his legacy and purpose, but I feel he could've taught the world so much more than he had time to... Do you like watermelon? No. Too watery. Can you remember the month of your first kiss? Yes, actually. March. What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I'm unsure, really. Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? Both. What artist's paintings do you find the most beautiful? This is an impossible question. What about the most disturbing? Oh man, I watch this one person on deviantART that makes especially creepy artwork. I follow a loooot of dark artists, though, so it's difficult to pick. Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? A church-related summer thing, yes, as a kid. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Pokemon was/is where it's at. What was your biggest fear as a child? Thunderstorms, holy shit. Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Be able to breathe underwater. What about invisibility or mindreading? Definitely invisibility. Mindreading would just... suck. Hurt. Especially if you couldn't control it. Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Good question, considering I hate a shit ton. Can you remember all your past teachers names? No, not all of them. Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I don't mind watching 'em. I particularly used to love America's Got Talent. Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Yes; I failed horribly at my final math exam the last time I was in school. Are you on any meds? Too many. Just way too many for someone my age. I'm really starting to think I'm over-medicated to where it's dulling my senses, feelings, and also destroying my memory. But I kinda need like... all of them. I'm talking to my psychiatrist in just a couple days though, actually, and I'm going to talk to him about maybe trying to wean me off my OCD med, since I haven't had big symptoms in a long time. I wanna see how I deal without it. What color is your razor? Black and orange. What is your fave frozen treat? Just the classic ice cream. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? We tend to get our groceries from Wal-Mart. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YESSIREE. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? I don't think there's anyone that is widely disliked, no. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Other than yourself, who did you last buy something for? Mom. What's something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting. It's hard to ignore when taking one step is painful. Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? I certainly haven't talked about it in-depth, but it's been mentioned in some way when I was with Jason. I mean we were together for three and a half years, sexually active (and I ain't doing jackshit if it's that time of the month), and I spent as much time with him as possible, so... it woulda came up. I'm sure he was indifferent about it, he was a mature guy. Have you ever been to an Asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? No. I've never even heard of one around here. Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex? Back up two questions, haha. That was normal. How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? Shit man, I love tattoos. I'd obviously not care. How have you been feeling today? Depressed. Where’s your phone right now? On my chest. I'm lying down. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? ugh When you drink alcohol with friends, do you play drinking games? I never have. What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? I don't remember their names, honestly... but the chocolate and peanut butter ones come to mind.

#survey #surveys #questions

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 5 years ago

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*Victorian England little orphan boy voice* please sir, tell us a story. Any story you like. Just hopin' tho if ye please that it be gay? Thank you kindly sir. Thank ye

June I’ve had this sitting in my inbox for AGES with no idea what to write for you even though that’s absurd because EVERYTHING I write is gay so I’ve decided to just. give you the 4400 word first chapter to a possible future fantasy heist novel that I wrote the other day. hope you like it, I liked writing it.

Fen Davos was no stranger to being woken in the dead of night. It had been a hallmark of the neighborhood in which she had grown up, soothing as any lullaby, and was a staple of her current line of work. One did not last long as a guard in the Royal Palace of Deralia, not even a low-ranking guard, if one was not willing to jump out of bed and snap to attention at the oddest of hours.

Even taking that into account, it was not often that her wakeup call came from excitable urchins who had plainly clambered in through the window. Alarmed to find the ragamuffin child shaking her and leaning right into her face, Fen did the only thing that made sense at the moment: she swung a fist to put some distance between them.

“Oof!” The child hit the ground like a sack of potatoes, rolling and clambering back to her feet immediately to sulk. “Why’d you have to do that? I only wanted to wake you up, you big skunk. It’s an emergency out there.”

Fen knew that voice. Groaning, she slid out of bed and touched a hand to the globe of moon moths that stood on her night table. Startled, the insect began to flutter around their enclosure, filling the room with a soft white light.

The urchin girl’s mismatched eyes went wide, either marvelling at the splendor or adding up how much she could earn selling such a thing to a pawnshop. “Get a load of that! That’s fancy!”

She would be impressed by that, wouldn’t she? Fen had, when she was first promoted into the palace lodgings. She’d spent a fortnight worrying about the poor moths living and dying in that glass prison before it dawned on her that they were only little wisps of magic, not real flesh and blood creatures that could live and die. Grouty came from the same neighborhood, only a few blocks poorer; of course she’d want to have a good look.

Fen to a firm step to the left, putting herself between the moon moths and Grouty. “Focus up. Why are you here? Is someone from the neighborhood hurt?”

“Not exactly.” Grouty rocked back and forth on her heels with a sly look on her face. “I don’t know, wasn’t really that important. You’re probably too busy. Guess I could scurry off and grab a constable…”

“I’m not going to pay you for the pleasure of being woken up,” Fen snapped. Nevermind that she couldn’t have even if she wanted to; guards’ wages were doled out in the form of credit that was handled by the palace’s Master of Credit so that they never saw a single cold, hard coin. The idea was that they were more likely to live more virtuously if all their purchases had to be approved by someone else - or that they would at least have to pay for their guilty pleasures with their own coin. For someone like Fen, with nothing in the way of family money or extra income, that meant living an upright life indeed.

Still, she wasn’t without a few little luxuries. Knowing perfectly well that Grouty was unlikely to budge without bribery, she yanked open the drawer of her bedside table and withdrew a bag of sweet, soft caramels. She hurled it at Grouty, who let out a little yelp of surprise.

“There, you little louse. Now, for the last time, what’s going on?”

The urchin girl had already fumbled a candy halfway unwrapped, looking gleeful. “Lighten up, would you? It’s Maricelli, over at the theatre. She’s gotten in some trouble with a burglar.”

“You mean she’s been burgled?”

Nah, of course not,” Grouty said, teeth already caramel-bound together. “I mean some idiot tried to burgle her and she’s got him tied up to a chair with a crossbow pointing between his eyes. I don’t know what she needs you for.”

Fen sighed, then started on gathering up her boots, jacket, and sword. It was amazing, really, how the old neighborhood had a way of dragging you back.

A flying carpet for two across the city at such an unorthodox hour didn’t come cheap, but Fen consoled herself by thinking of it as an investment - as in, by not running the entire way on foot, she wouldn’t have to worry about her heart or lungs bursting from the strain, which was surely investing in her future.

The carpeteer let them off in front of the Perlicker Theatre, which proclaimed its name loudly with a sign that had been done up by some enchanter so that the words shone in a truly eye-watering shade of pink. After a few piteous early years of struggling for respectability the Perlicker had accepted its lot and proudly declared itself ‘The Best Worst Theatre in Town,’ becoming known for shows that featured death-defying fire stunts, incomprehensible musical numbers that frequently ended in nudity, and fake blood that could squirt fifteen feet into the audience - sometimes all at once, if you were lucky. Throughout the early evening the whole street was rocked by the laughter, screams, and music emanating immodestly from the Perlicker.

Peak hours were long over, though, and even scandalous entertainers needed their sleep. Fen followed Grouty around to the back door, where a low-rent guard nodded and let them into a stairway that led up to apartments reserved for the Perlicker’s best and brightest.

In the finest of these suites - a spacious arrangement with its own bathroom built in and a balcony that overlooked the theatre’s discrete maze garden - was Mericelli Rabineaux, sitting daintily cross-legged in a claw-footed armchair. She was wearing a gauzy floral robe, her purple hair in curlers, balancing a cup of tea on one knee, and, as promised, aiming a crossbow at a most unfortunate fellow who was bound and gagged with a variety of silk scarves in a chair that matched the first.

“Lovely to see you, Fen. It’s been too long,” Mericelli said with an unnerving calm. “I’d love to catch up, but I was hoping you might be able to help me with this teensy little situation first.”

Fen gave the man in the chair a long, hard look, and wasn’t sure whether or not she was relieved not to recognize him. Things would be messier if he were some unfortunate from the old neighborhood, of course, but at least she’d be in her element. Without that sort of advantage she wasn’t sure what would make Mericelli assume she was the right person for this job.

“No promises. I’m assuming there’s a good reason you couldn’t grab a constable off the street to handle this?”

Mericelli laughed in a showy way that belied no actual humor. “Naturally. This is no petty theft. We’re dealing with heartbreak! Betrayal! Scandal! The potential ruination of a perfectly good career!And worst of all, the potential to inconvenience someone irritably wealthy. Would you like to tell it?”

This last question was directed at the man tied to the chair; Mericelli even jabbed the crossbow a little in his direction for emphasis. He was looking a little queasy from the odreal, and the appearance of Fen - a strapping young woman, armed with a sword and an expression that said she wasn’t very fussed about using the sword on someone if it meant getting back to bed sooner - had done very little to put him at ease. He shook his head as well as he could.

“Fine. It’s about those,” Mericelli said. She nodded at a hatbox on her coffee table, overflowing with handwritten notes and pressed flowers the like. Groaty, who’d never met a personal possession she didn’t want to put her hands all over, descended on it at once, pawing through the papers with abandon.

“Gosh, this still reeks of perfume!” she announced. “The really hideous-smelling kind that you know must be expensive!”

“My former lover is a man of good breeding, not good taste or sense,” sighed Mericelli. “I always urged him to try a new scent, and every time he’d return with something more offensive. I found that charming, for awhile.”

Fen looked between the actress, the burglar, and the box of letters and thought she could see the equation answering itself as plainly as if the numbers were floating in the air before her. “Good Brights, please don’t tell me you’re blackmailing him.”

“Me? Blackmail him? I would never! Unlike him, I have no need for other people’s money,” Mericelli sniffed. “This a cowardly preemptive strike, according to our friend Mister Burglar, because the little gibbon is afraid of me doing something to ruin his wedding.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because he broke up with me a week ago by sending me the newspaper announcing their engagement.”

“It’s right here!” Groaty piped up, waving the offending clipping with obvious glee. “I remember hearing the newsmongers talking about this. ‘Lady Ifi Suwayama to Marry Sir Edwin Nicely in Surprise Ceremony.’ It’s all very suspicious on account of how sudden it was and how much more money her family’s got than him.”

“I can’t stand rich people,” Fen said with feeling. “I still don’t understand why I’m here, though. You clearly handled the burglar all on your own.”

Mericelli looked solemn, drawing her robe more tightly around herself as if the diaphanous flowers could protect her from what was coming. “There will be more, though. Neddy is a nervous boy, and once he’s got an idea in his head he can’t shake it until he’s done everything in his power to get rid of it. At risk of sounding like some fainting damsel, I am afraid of what he might do to me if he’s gotten the idea that I’m dangerous to him and his new bride.”

And I want you to fix it, was the unspoken end to that sentence. That had been Fen’s role for as long as she could remember, ever since she’d been old enough to toddle and hold a bottle and started getting left in charge of other children around the neighborhood. When you were flat out of luck and couldn’t out a single step in the right direction, good old Fen Davos would always be there to figure it out. She’d spent her whole childhood running herself ragged to fix other people’s messes, then grew up and decided she might as well get paid for it.

There could be no getting paid to straighten things out between Mericelli and Sir Nicely. Fen would have to be very discreet indeed, as it would look unseemly for a palace guard to be meddling in the affairs of actors and high society. She was pretty sure she couldn’t get all the way fired, not with her track record and connections, but there was every chance she’d get demoted back down to the city beat. No more cozy room of her own in the palace, that was for sure.

Mericelli gazed at her imploringly, the effect greatly magnified by her smudged black eye makeup making her appear extra tragic.

“Fine,” Fen said. “But let’s show Mister Burglar out before we give him any valuable information.”

He was small and wiry, as many of the best burglars were. Unfortunately for him this also made him extremely easy to pick up for somebody built like Fen, which is to say, the opposite of small and wiry. She untied him and hefted him easily, holding him by the seat of his pants and back of his neck before he could so much as squirm.

“Better luck next time,” Fen told him. “Don’t hit the pavement on your way out.”

Easier said than done, considering the way she tossed him over the balcony. The good news was that the burglar - who had some experience with this sort of thing - managed to aim his fall so that he landed on the heaps of trash set out behind the Perlicker, which had a bit of a cushioning effect. The bad news for him was that this trash drew stinging possums by the dozens, and they were fiercely territorial critters.

Don’t worry, he didn’t die.

As soon as he’d topled out of sight Mericelli put aside her teacup and crossbow and got to her feet, stretching so dramatically that you’d have thought she had spent a century in that chair. “Goodness, that was unpleasant. I really do appreciate you getting over here in such a hurry, Fen, you’re a pal. Can I get you any refreshments? I’m about to ravage some instant ramen, personally.”

They reconvened around the table jammed in the tiny corner kitchenette, over which a small facsimile of a chandelier twinkled. It seemed every inch of the place shimmered or shone in some way, every surface festooned with cast-off pieces of costumes, wigs, dancing shoes, masks, and outrageous costume jewelry, interspersed with candles, empty cups, and old magazines. It was an impressively ostentatious sort of clutter, and suited Mericelli well. She was much more at ease now that the burglar had gone, bustling around fixing up eggs and a mix of spices to dress up the cheap noodles.

“I have no excuse for not inviting you over sooner,except that it’s been one thing after another. Ned was taking up a shameful amount of time for awhile, and of course there’s always work - shows almost every night, choreography to learn and costumes to fit during the day. I suppose I don’t have to tell you how that is; the guard must keep you busy. You got the cactus I sent when you were promoted to the palace, didn’t you? Did you think it was funny? I thought it suited you better than flowers, and it lasts longer anway. And that’s all going well? It must be. You look good, definitely better fed than I’ve ever seen you. What’s the food like up there?”

“Can’t hold a candle to your ramen,” Fen said as a bowl was set in front of her - chipped, secondhand, with faded images of saccharine puppies gamboling around the rim. “You look nice. Purple hair suits you.”

Mericelli, seated now at the head of the table, preened happily. “It’s lilac, actually. Isn’t it something? You’d be astonished how often they make me dye it some fiendish new color. Pretty soon I’ll have to go blue and green again, for the Mermaid Festival, and before that I spent practically forever with silver hair for The Widow of Salamander Street.”

Groaty momentarily paused slurping up her noodles and looked thoughtful. “I liked the posters for that one, they were scary. Only you’re too young to be playing the Widow, though.”

“Forgive me, I didn’t realize you were a discerning theatrical critic. I’m playing the Littlest Fairy in Springtime Follies now; is that better for you?”

“You’re too old for that!” Groaty protested.

Fen raised an eyebrow. “You do the Follies here? That’s a children’s story.”

There was just enough reproach in her voice to make Mericelli look ever so slightly ashamed of herself. “Yes, well, we’ve made some changes. Fluffed up the songs a bit, added some conflict and drama and the like, threw in a few jokes. Not much actually happens in the original, if you think about it.”

“Not much needs to happen,” Fen said stubbornly, “it’s a lovely poem about doing good and helping others.”

“Exactly, and now it’s a lovely poem about doing good and helping others that happens to have a bit of racy stuff added in for flavor. I have a very suggestive dance with the flock of satyrs, it’s great fun!”

“Thrilling. Not that I don’t want to hear more about you defiling nursery rhymes, but why don’t we talk about your Nicely fellow now. Namely, how you think I can help.”

Mericelli’s face fell immediately, but as always she was able to collect herself and carry on. “Of course. First point of order, I’d like his letters kept somewhere safer, because I may need them if he tries to force me out of the city.”

“Is that likely?”

“He didn’t just send me the newspaper,” Mericelli said. “There was also a very long, rambling, painfully insincere letter about how he’s cherished our time together but feels he has to grow up and do the responsible thing by marrying a woman wealthy enough to let him be a kept man. He unsubtly suggested that it might be best for me to leave Brighthaven altogether, on the grounds that it would be terribly embarrassing for both of us if certain details of our relationship were to get out. You know how the upper crust are - they get terribly fussy about their children mingling too much before marriage, and I have enough of his awful attempts at erotic poetry to potentially call his whole wedding off.”

“Gross,” Groaty said vehemently.

“Seconded,” Fen agreed. “What about you though? No offense, but I thought actors were supposed to list scandals on their resumes. How does this hurt you?”

“Well, the sex part certainly doesn’t. But I’m afraid that in the course of our relationship I may have shared certain other intimate secrets with him, pertaining to my profession. I said some things about certain senior members of the theatrical community that wouldn’t reflect kindly on me at all, and could possibly keep me from ever coming near a leading role again if they were feeling petty. And I may have revealed one or two things about a few of the… less advertised events we put on here at the Perlicker. Those could get the whole place shut down, if I’m not mistaken.”

She delivered the monologue well, with clear eyes and hardly a quaver to her voice, but Fen could see how much the idea of it distressed her. Her work, her art, was everything to Mericelli, and she’d spent years taking undignified, unmemorable roles to get as far as she had. The Perlicker may have been a hotbed of ill-repute and tackiness, but it did command a certain kind of glamour and the dependable audience that Mericelli craved. The idea of having her entire career yanked away so soon after her star had finally started to rise had her more scared than she could admit.

“Right, then,” said Fen. “Here’s what we’ll do. You don’t panic, okay? I know someone who knows everything that happens in this city; I want to talk to her before we decide how worried we should be. He might just want his bad poetry back.”

“So I’m just supposed to live with burglars letting themselves in at all hours at my former lover’s behest?” Mericelli demanded.

“Absolutely not. If you trust me to, I’ll take them with me now and move them to the safest place I know later today. Groaty? You’ll need to run over to Ardessa’s and let her know I’ll be stopping by. Tell her I need a favor and that she’s probably not going to like it.”

Groaty pursed her lips, thinking it over and weighing it on her mental scales. “That’s a pretty big ask. You know how cranky she gets about same-day appointments. What’ll you give me for it?”

“What about this delicious meal I fixed for you, little ingrate?” Mericelli asked.

“Nah. That just covers me getting Fen in the first place, ‘cause you made me do it in a hurry and promised you’d pay me back later,” Groaty insisted.

“Alright, a week of baths here in my own tub. I’ve got fancy soap for bubble bath and everything.”

“Urgh, a week? What do I want that many baths or?”

Fen was feeling wildly out of her depth here. She didn’t want any of this showing up in her credit records, not to mention she didn’t think the Master of Coin would approve of her using palace funds to bribe a little urchin girl.

“How about this, then?” Mericelli went to her coffee table and fished around in the mess of handkerchiefs and playing cards, coming up with moonstone brooch painted with sinister black spiders. “I wore it when I was playing the Widow. Pawn it, wear it, put it in our slingshot, I don’t care. It’s yours.”

“Geez, that’s great! I’ll go hang around Ardessa’s right now, so I can get her first thing in the morning!” Groaty snatched the brooch up eagerly, immediately disappearing it into one of the many coats that comprised her shapeless gray coat. She slurped down the last of her ramen and hurried out the door, giving Fen and Mericelli an awkward little salute as she went.

“I should be on my way as well,” Fen said quietly, getting to her feet. “It will be sun up soon, and there will be questions if I’m not accounted for. Get some rest, alright? I’ll let you know as soon as I know anything, I promise.”

She gave her old friend a hug, during which Mericelli squeezed Fen a little extra tight, then departed with the incriminating hatbox tucked under her arm. She considered finding another carpeteer but ultimately decided against it. Saving money never hurt, and in any case she needed a chance to think. Prestigious as working at the palace was, there was nothing like a walk through the streets of Brighthaven in the wee hours of morning to really get the brain working. Fen had told Mericelli not to panic and she meant it, but she would personally be planning for the worst case scenario so that she could be twelve steps ahead if it arrived. Already there were more moving parts to this than she liked, and she had a gut feeling things would only get more convoluted.

By the time she got back to the palace she was tired in body and mind. She nodded to the guards on the gate, who gave her an odd look but didn’t make a fuss about it, and headed straight for the most secure place she could currently access. Ardessa’s tower was the ultimate goal, of course, but a princess’ chambers would do until then. No one stopped her there, either; everyone was well aware of the young princess’ special fondness for Fen.

Twelve was already awake when Fen entered her room, hunched over her workbench in pajamas and a pair of enormous magnifying goggles and tinkering with the mechanical innards of her latest cuckoo clock.

“Hello, you,” the princess said vaguely when Fen hugged her from behind and kissed the top of her frizzy head. “This is awfully early. Would you like some breakfast?”

Someone had been around with a tray, fat blue pancakes and fresh fruit and bacon done perfectly crispy. Fen helped herself to a few grapes as she kicked off her boots, then had a heavy seat on Twelve’s canopy bed.

Twelve wasn’t her given name, of course, but the Deralian royal family were sticklers for tradition and only had so many names to go around. Twelve’s given name was shared with two of her eleven older siblings, several aunts and uncles, and innumerable distant cousins, so being referred to by birth order had honestly seemed more affectionate to everyone involved.

Her family did cherish her, truly, but they were also large and sprawling and had quite a lot on their royal platters, but given how far removed she was from any chance of ever sitting on the throne she did tend to slip through the cracks from time to time. Twelve’s parents had long since lost their patience with arranging for etiquette lessons and politically advantageous marriages by the time their last child was of age for such things, and as such she was largely left to do whatever she liked so long as it didn’t embarrass the family too badly or cause any international incidents. For the most part Twelve was perfectly content to spend this freedom in pursuit of increasingly niche hobbies.

There were a few downsides, of course, namely practical ones: when it came to protecting the line of succession, the palace guards started cutting corners somewhere around number six. Still, even the worst-protected princess enjoyed security miles better than the average person.

“I need to hide this here for a few hours,” Fen said, sliding the hatbox beneath Twelve’s bed. “Sorry, it’s a long story. I’m trying to help a friend.”

Twelve spun her chair around, pushing her goggles up to get a better look at her girlfriend. She was concerned by what she saw. “Helping friends is always a yes from me, but you look exhausted. What have you been doing?”

“Had to get across town to help clean up after an almost-burglary,” Fen said, yawning through half the explanation.

“Good Brights, is your friend okay?”

“She’s fine. The burglar had a rough time though.”

“Ah. Atta girl.”

“You know I hate to ask for favors,” Fen said, “but I still need to do a few more things today to wrap up the loose ends. Could you tell the Captain you need me all day, to stop her harassing me about it?”

“Only if you’ll get a few hours of sleep before you go. Uh uh, no arguing about it!” Twelve said, swiftly anticipating the next words out of Fen’s mouth. “The sun’s not even up yet. You can at least have a nap before you go running off to be dashing and noble and heroic.”

Fen lay back on the bed, smiling as she shut her eyes. “Not hardly that exciting, goose. I’m doing what’s right, that’s all.”

Twelve clucked her tongue. “Get under the covers, would you? Get comfortable. I’ll go see about getting you the day off.”

She dropped a kiss on Fen’s cheek and disappeared into the hallway for a bit, having some word or other with the other guards about a dire need to requisition Sergeant Davos for the day in order to have her run some very important personal errands. No one was likely to question that too closely; the last time Twelve had requested Fen’s presence for personal reasons neither of them had left the princess’ room for a solid day.

By the time Twelve returned Fen had dutifully crawled under the covers and was already half asleep. Fen could hear her girlfriend taking great pains to move as quietly as possible and slide into bed with as little jostling as possible, and it made her smile into the pillow. Twelve was not particularly graceful or stealthy by nature, but it was sweet how she tried. She wrapped an arm around Fen’s middle, cuddling her close and planting a kiss on her neck, and Fen exhaled contentment. It took a lot to quiet her mind and put a pause to her planning, but falling asleep cuddled up with Twelve worked better than any sleeping potion she’d ever tried.

#a writing #trans-zatanna

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monasatlantis · 5 years ago

Text

My final Review for Trails of Zero and Trails of Azure and also my thoughts about the Trails-Saga so far as a whole

After finishing the Trails in the Sky games, also known as the Liberl-Arc I knew that if I wanted to be fully prepared for playing Trails of Cold Steel 4 myself (I’ve watched a lot from this game on YouTube with subtitles already…) I would have to play the Crossbell-Arc (Zero and Azure) too and so that is what I did. I have to say I had mixed feelings from the beginning, because many people were Hyping the Crossbell-Games and I tend to be extremely disappointed by hyped games because they almost never met my expectations. However… it was for the greater good. And also for being able to give a overview over how I see the Trails-Games as a whole in the moment, as I have now played almost all the games that have come out so far.

So lets start with my review of Zero and Ao/Azure first…

1. What is your overall opinion of the Crossbell-Saga games?

Personally, I think Trails of Zero is among the two worst most boring games in the Trails-Saga so far. I couldn’t help but dislike it and its so called plot from the very beginning. When it comes to game-mechanics and battle-mechanics it was a trails-game so there was not that much to be bothered about, but when it comes to the plot or the characters or the way they were explored it was awful. The only game that is worse, is Trails in the Sky 3, which had the luxury that we already knew most of the characters so that we only had to be unnerved by Kevins and Ries questionable story while otherwise being at least already attached to the other characters and thus following their story anyway, even if it was not half as good as it could have been… IF you saw their story that is, but I digress.

On the other hand, Trails of Azure/Ao no Kiseki was done very well. The plot was indeed one of the best plots of a sole game. (As I personally thinks the deps of the Erebonia-Saga as a whole is better than the ones from Lilberl and Crossbell.) And since we already went through the phase of trying and failing to get to like the characters, but actually at least knew them and had formed some sort of small attachment to them in the previous game, it was easier to overlook the things certain points, since we just accepted it that it was the way it was and learned to enjoy what we had.

2. Lets get a little deeper into Zero… what was good and what was bad?

Good, huh? Uh… ^^’ The only thing I really like about this game were the cameos of Estelle, Joshua and Renne. And I also adored KeA. That was basically it.

One of the main problems of Zero was how awfully badly the plot was delivered and how badly the characters were shown… or not shown. We start with Lloyd who technically speaking has a really interesting story. He was raised by his older brother and the woman said older brother loved for most of his live and said brother, who had worked by the police has been murdered and his murder became a cold case. Now that Lloyd is finally working for the police too, he… gives a damn about any chance for him to solve his brothers murder-case. Like… he never seemed interested in doing that at all. The first thing he should have done after he started working for the police, was actually to take a look at the file of his brothers murder and ask around the police to find any kind of information or evidence about what could have happened to him. (His name was Guy, by the way. Who calls his child Guy?) He never did that. In chapter 4, when the first game was almost over we suddenly found out that like half the people we had regular contact with actually knew Guy or had worked with him and suddenly I wasn’t so sure anymore about Lloyds and Guys relationship. Did he never mention the names of the people he worked with? And why did Sergei hide the fact that he has been working with Guy for so long? Why didn’t Grace or Arios ever think of mentioning that they also knew Guy or worked with him in all the times we meet them before chapter 4? Then again, if Lloyd had asked about him, he might have found out early. Or if he actually had a decent relationship with his brother, this man might have told him. I mean… isn’t it weird? In Ao/Azure its shown that Guy wanted to invite Arios to his wedding… an brag about his brother and you want to tell me that Lloyd never either heard about that man nor ever meet him in Crossbell together with his brother? Seems very weird. The characters as a whole felt extremely… empty in Zero. I can’t explain it fully, but I just couldn’t start to like them or bond with them, because the games made them focus so much on their job as the SSS that you never felt like they were actually people you could relate to. Like they had those problems in their lifes, but we always just scratched on the surface of their lifes and the problems they had. Also… in both Sky and Cold Steel family was really important to every character, even if the family wasn’t blood related, a huge part of must characters character-arcs were connected to how important their families were for them, no matter how hard the circumstances surrounding those families were. And in Zero it seemed like family was so not important to those characters. I absolutely get Randy here, because his family raised him to be a person who sacrificed a whole village for a job, even tho in this village was a person he liked. BUT everyone else was weird for me. As I said, Lloyd (despite stating otherwise later in Ao/Azure) has never shown much interest in finding out anything about his brother or his murder, despite the fact that he had been so close to all the information he needed the whole time. Elie showed in that talk with Lloyd that she was bothered by the fact that her parents both abandoned her and yet she never (until Cold Steel 4 – funny enough) showed any interest in facing them. Even tho it was shown by the game that she loved her grandfather, the game totally failed to deliver it to look like she was really attached to him. I mean, in Sky Tita was traveling around with Estelle a lot and yet, it was absolutely clear that she loved her grandfather nuts AND also missed her parents. (Until they came back suddenly and gave Agathe a hard time that is XD Were it was yet again shown, that despite being separated for a long time, they had a really close relationship. But once again, I digress…) Tio had been a missing child that has been through hell and when she was return to her parents she actually was different and since that was making it difficult she left her parents again. I never really got if it was really fine for her parents that she left or if she herself decided that it was best that way. Which is already a really bad thing without even mentioning how unsatisfying it was that once again, apparently Tios interest in her family seemed really small.

Now don’t start with the “The whole point of this game was that the SSS became a family” because that didn’t really work either, because the game never really spend that much time giving the characters a real time to bond with each other in Zero. When I reached Elies final bonding event I felt like it came out of nowhere, because I never had the feeling that Lloyd got over his awkward “Elie and me? Never!” – stage or that they gotten close enough for an almost kiss at all. (Never had that problem in Cold Steel, although here the bonding events over the course of the game might have helped a lot… but I also think even without the bonding events the bonds between the characters developed really well, dating aside, because here only Alisa had the advantage, but I will digress again if I don’t stop here… ^^’) But lovestorys aside (since I am really picky with them) I also do not feels that the friendship between the characters was so well develop in the game. Obviously they all being doting parents to KeA helped a lot here with making them look more closer, but a child should not be the only-bonding-point between them. And here we come to an example for why the bonding between those characters worked so bad. In Cold Steel (yes, I am going there now…) we had that canon-event with Rean and Alisa exchanging they problems, hopes and wished in Nord while looking at the nightsky. So we had Lloyd and Elie on the rooftop together and Elie was opening up about her life, her past, her feelings and problems…. and Lloyd? Even when Elie mentioned that he has his own problems, he didn’t open up to her. He didn’t tell her how he was raised by his brother, how he is chasing after becoming like him instead of chasing after his murderer, since it was an unsolved case and so on. So the difference in those scenes were, that while Alisa and Rean were both open and honest to each other Lloyd was a great listener but failed to actually help by opening up himself and show trust with that. And that is how this whole game went. In the end of Zero, the SSS didn’t feel half as close as it should have been and would have been if the game would have spent more time with serious bonding.

Through most of this game, I was desperately searching for the plot. Because I was refusing to believe that besting the bracers was the plot, because damn was that a stupid idea and a huge ass fail too. Most of the chapters (even the final chapter itself – which becomes even more clear after Ao/Azure) ended with us being almost killed if no one had come to help/save us. Starting with the Prolog itself. And despite that, until KeA showed up, Lloyd had been simply too proud to ask the bracers for help. It pissed me off so much! Honestly, we’ve been bracers in Sky, we’ve been friends with bracers in Cold Steel, were we also learned how important and great bracers are and in Zero they tried to make you want to be “better” than the bracers. Which was a huge fail not just because of how incapable the SSS was, but also because they brought Estelle and Joshua back, because if we just had the somehow arrogant bracers of Crossbell, wanting to best them would have become a given at some point, even for a player like me, but after those two joined the bracers, there was no freaking way that I would have been able to want to beat them anyone. So as much as I loved Estelle and Joshua being there… I also think it was a very stupid move. Especially since in the end, the most interesting part of the story (also the only one that really found a conclusion in this game) was Rennes backgroundstory and how she found her way back to Estelle and Joshua. The only other interesting thing was KeA and that was never solved in the first game AND she was also introduced far too late in this game.

A lot of potential was wasted in this game. Like Lloyd should have started to hear KeAs voice long before we actually found her, because that would have been something to make the plot interesting. Make you want to find out what is going on. Then again, it was never fully explained why only Lloyd could hear KeAs voice anyway… such a damn waste.

3. Now to Ao/Azure! What was good, what was bad?

A lot of the things from the first game didn’t really change, but I was already used to them and they were buried under a really interesting plot this time and as the plot was also delivered so much better this time, it changed really a lot for how much I enjoyed playing the game. Much less wasted potential. They were going all out with the plot this time and things like KeA acting weird/bothered/unhappy started much, much earlier and with that gave you a good reason to be interested and stay interested. They handled the return of characters from the other games so much better this time too. Honestly? In Zero all I wanted to do was see Estelle and Joshua again and I think this also blocked any chance for me to start liking the other characters as they were so boring and their storys so… boring and then we got Estelle and Joshua, who we knew and loved and who had such an important mission… of course they were more important and more interesting than Lloyd who didn’t give a damn about the question who killed his brother. In Ao/Azure these characters were kind of coming and going in an extremely powerful but satisfying way. People who know me know very well that I love Olivert and was the happiest player in the world for him showing up in Ao and also having a side-mission and lots of screentime in chapter 2 of Ao. And although I found it a bit sad that we couldn’t say goodbye to him and Kloe, all in all they came for a reason and left after what they had to do was done and it felt really satisfying. Honestly, tho? Osborne totally stole the show in this chapter. Kudos to how they handled him in this chapter. You could feel his enormous aura through the screen and the impression they already wanted to give you in Sky, which was that this man is a real monster, really came across as well as what a genius he was. When Olivert was shocked that Osborn used the Red-Constellation in the name of the Empire, he used the excuse that he wanted to protect Olivert (which was in fact part of the contract as Sigmund mentioned earlier) to justify it and the Emperor would have totally understand that and that was one of the ways to show what a genius he was. I also loved the difference between how Rocksmith had been handling the SSS and how Osborne did. He doesn’t need to get them on his side, because he can crush them and that is exactly what he warned them about in a way that was too friendly to be threatening although it had clearly been a threat. I am not a fan of this man (Reans father or not…) but he was really amazing in this chapter but especially in this whole scene with the SSS.

Also really, the secret star of this game was Lechter XD Showing up in the most unexpected times, doing the weirdest things from the beginning to the end. Even showing off that damn, this man is a fighter and he looks cool when he does fight. And I love how in the end, you never know why the hell he works for Osborne as he never sounded like he really liked to work for him, although it was clear at the end that he was very well aware of how capable this man is with his plans and how well they usually work.

However… this game had a lot of great and amazing plottwist and also the usual traitors, traitors who return to our side, never really were traitors and also of course the bad guys who will be forgiven no matter what bullshit they pulled. A true Trails game.

Honestly, even the side characters were so much easier to fall in love with this time. I was so shocked when Ilya was hurt and I cried when Rixia screamed her name. When the game showed you how guilty the characters felt that were protected and thus not badly or just a little bit hurt, it was really emotional. And really realistic. I liked it a lot.

Also… the intermezzo. Total fanservice, really. And yet it was really amusing and a great chance to spend more time with the side-characters that you didn’t spend much time with during the usual plot. I also loved how those useless Urgent-Missions vanished in the end, because in Zero most of the time, they didn’t have anything to do with the game. Why the hell did I have to find that girls Umbrella again? And how can that be an urgent mission?

But while I am at it, here is still some critic. I hated how a lot of information’s that were important for the plot were revealed in side-missions or even hidden-missions. I played non of them and when I had to watch the final from a lets player because of technical reasons I was constantly like “What?”, when all the things were revealed that he got, do to the fact that he played all Support-Requests and Hidden-Missions and got so much more information’s over certain situations and characters do to that. Don’t get my wrong, I think it is great if those missions are not just boring but also give you valuable information, but there is a difference between valuable information’s and stuff that should have been mentioned in the main-plot because you need them to get things. Lloyd often all of the sudden was like: “WAIT! You did these and that, right?” And I never got how he suddenly reached that conclusion, because I missed some important information that were given by missions I didn’t do, because I didn’t had too. If missions have important information, than for gods sake game, force me to do them!

I found that Wald was a weird plot-device that didn’t really… made much use to the story? It was kind of an motivation for Wazy but a questionable one and one that was somehow unnecessary. It felt like they just needed to do something with this man.

Also… uh… KeA just gave up her powers and that was so anti-climatic? At least I would have wished it would not have been so easy for her to do it. Or if she would have sacrificed them to… I don’t know, do something useful. Don’t get me wrong! It was good and right that her powers are gone now (tho looking at CS4 there are some remnants there…) but I just would have wished the way she gave her powers away would have been a bit more interesting or dramatic.

4. Any thoughts about the music and the game-mechanics or battle-system?

Sadly, I couldn’t hear the music with the game but I listened to the OSTs and they were both good. (Not as good as the one from Trails of Cold Steel 3 tho, but that one is hard to beat…)

I didn’t really like how you had no idea how you gathered bonding points. The final bonding event with Elie in the first game was a lucky draw. I chose her to be Lloyds partner every time because I am a shipper with heart and soul, but I was feeling bad about neglecting Tio and Randy and almost didn’t chose Elie for the last one. The game could have at least told me that some of my decisions would influence the bonding with the other characters – I am so damn spoiled by Cold Steel XD - and in the second game I did relay completely on a walkthrough to get enough bonding points with Elie and yet still thought I fucked it up until I got the invitation to the deck ^^’

I totally loved those Combi-Crafts. They were great and I would have loved to also have them in Cold Steel (but I guess we have the Link-Attacks there as an replacement…)

I wished I could have auto-fight or at least a way to make the fights go faster. Grinding was so not possible the slow way this was going.

Holy shit was it impossible to use the Masters-Quarz from Ao/Azure to their full potential because it was so hard to level them up. Much easier in Cold Steel.

5. The ending of Ao/Azure, what do you think about it?

I found both the ending of Zero and Ao/Azure a tiny bit rushed in a way. Like… we hardly get any explanation or an after-credits scene. And the explanation in Ao/Azure was a fucking huge Spoiler. The game tells you that Osborn is alive and won the fight against the noble fraction in the civil war and that he also took over Crossbell for 2 years. Like… uh… when you play CS… this is like some huge ass things to ponder about and if you had played this game before (which you should) you would have known all this already ^^’ Still… I liked how they had the final picture of them standing under the flag of an now independent Crossbell (probably after CS4) after the whole Epilogue-Information felt like we left Crossbell at a really bad time and that this way, it somehow was a unfinished game. But, as we know now… Lloyd and Co. take care of that problem in CS4, so its fine.

6. Points for both games?

4,5 of 10 points for Trails of Zero, because it was fucking bad!

9 of 10 points for Trails of Azure, because it was really good and had just a few flaws. (CS3, by the way, got the same amount of points…)

A little overview over what I think of the Trails-Saga so far, now that I have played all games currently available to me (aside from CS4 which I have almost completely spoiled for myself anyway at this point XD) follows now. So be aware of SPOILERS!

7. Looking at all 9 games that came out so far, what do you think about the Trails-Saga as a whole?

Something I’ve realized with shock when I’ve been puzzling the pieces of all the games together is how much the Liberl-Arc is actually an outsider here. How it doesn’t feel very important anymore as soon as you move on from the Sky games. Despite the fact that Ouroboros was much more involved in what happened to Liberl than in what happened in Crossbell, it still feels like Liberl is just not half as important as this small town and his two-games. Somehow it feels a bit like the Liberl-Arc was more to introduce certain characters (and Ouroboros) to the player then actually having a huge importance to the actual Trails – Saga as a whole. Of course I know that what Campanella gained from the Liberl-Arc will be important at some point of the Trails-Saga but looking at Cold Steel I think Crossbell is much more prominent and also more important to the Erebonia-Arc (which is huge!) which is not just shown by the connection between those two places, but also by how Rean interacts with Lloyd and how much he seems to honor him for some reason. While Estelle and Joshua, are just some good bracers that helped to solve that one incident in Liberl, Rean seems to have a huge amount of respect for Lloyd and what he did for his hometown.

They of course do have a lot of similarities that connect them somehow, I get that. But in Cold Steel 4, I found the meeting of Rean and Estelle and Joshua so anti-climatic while the one with Lloyd was such a huge deal. I think that we lag a connection between Liberl and Erebonia here. The only thing connecting us to Liberl in the first two Cold Steel games was Olivert, who doesn’t even belong there, but was just traveling through it. Funny enough, what they give us in CS3 is the age-gape-ship – do not get my wrong, I am so not complaining, but I am sure a lot of other western fans are – purely relying on the power of shippings here XD Honestly, it would have been possible to make that work without Tita. By having Shera become a teacher alongside Rean and Randy (instead of hiding her in Erebonia until CS4…) and having Agathe as a Bracer helping out Fie, Sarah and Toval like he usually does. But they had to give us that ship, simply for the reason that shippings always go, if you ask me. But without thinking that a bracer falling for a young girl wasn’t exactly the best representation for Liberl. Once again, do not get me wrong. Both Tita and Agathe are amazing characters. He is a strong bracer and she is an extremely talented and courageous engineer at her very young age. And I personally do treasure their relationship and how it evolved. Okay… I actually love it and supporting the ship with all my might. Yet, looking at how badly ships like that are received in western countries, taking those two as represents for the Liberl arc is questionable at best.

I get it. In CS3 they wanted to form a connection to both the Sky games and Ao/Zero without already giving us the main-characters of those two games because they would have stolen the show XD So they gave us Randy and Tio for Crossbell, with Randy of course being a more prominent person as a colleague of Rean and also a more than capable fighter that also got a connection with Shirley who is working with Ouroboros now. And then they give us Tita and Agathe for Liberl… and you can not help but question the choice. I mean… everyone loved Tita because just like KeA, she was so loveable. And now she turned into a teenager that suddenly is aware that just saying “I love Agathe so much” is not something she should do anymore without giving it a second thought. Agathe suddenly being much more flustered about the teasing from others because obviously its not that unlikely anymore that there are romantic feelings involved here. So… that is our connection to the Liberl-Arc. An Age-Gape-Ship that is not together yet... but too close to thinking about being in love with each other for the likes of most western players. For me as a fan of that ship, it is of course a good choice… but for representing the Liberl-Arc it stays a rather questionable choice if you think about it. Especially since Shera was nearby the whole time and wasn’t shown once and only mentioned close to the end. I feel like that was a choice purely made for evolving Tita and Agathe as a ship somehow and show how those two characters and their relationship has changed in the meantime. Especially with Tita being suddenly self-conscious and also looking at that we go from the Sister-Zone to “For me you are…” in the short span from the beginning of CS3 to the middle of CS4. However… yes… I digress again. I can not help but feel like the Liberl-Arc (despite being a good arc) is less important to the overall plot of the Trails-Saga as a whole. Like… most of the Ouroboros-Guys from this arc are either currently no were to be seen or dead… or on the good-side XD Cassius is showing up for 5 minutes, looking like the powerful guy he became somehow and then he is gone again in Cold Steel 4. Its like he was just introduced to be mentioned every now and then in the other games so you would think: “Ohhhhh!” XD Well… at least he lets Rean become a Swordmaster in the end. He must do something useful at least once in all this games that claim he is a big-shot despite him never being there when actually needed. So he wasn’t really important in the other games either, despite the fuss that was always made about him. So… yeah. Liberl was really just to introduce us to the Trails-Saga and some more or less important characters as well as Ouroboros I think.

Crossbell was used the give Ourobors more people that work for them it seems XD Also, Red-Constellation and Zephir was even mentioned. And then it is in a place that Reans biological father takes over and even uses Rean for that, giving him a feeling of guilt when he thinks of Lloyd who just did what Rean would have done in his stead too, by trying to save Crossbell. Also… in Reans Class was someone from Crossbell (Juna – although we never met her in the Crossbell-saga) but no one from Liberl. Once again, giving that small place called Crossbell a bigger hand. The connection to Erebonia, by the way, and also the way Osborn is mentioned and even shown in both sagas is very huge. As a neightbor of both countries that has the biggest military in the whole Zermuria it was constantly shown in both Liberl and Crossbell as a possible enemies that is threatening them and should be feared. Osborn is mentioned multiple times as a very dangerous and very powerful man and not seldom even as a monster. When he is shown, (which happens in both the Liberl- and the Crossbell-Arc) he fulfills the expectations and shows very well that whatever or whoever stands in his way, will be crushed ultimately. There is no such character in either the Liberl- or Crossbell-Arc that get mentioned or shown so extremely in any of the other games. The Crossbell-Saga, in my eyes, was mostly to show you the people of the City that Osborn uses as a play-toy in his plans so that you feel bad for them, when you reach the part in Cold Steel were Crossbell get annexed and then ruled by someone like Rufus of all people. Also introducing Rean to Lloyd and later having Juna in his class, who adores, fully trusts and supports the SSS makes his feeling of guilt for what Osborn forced him to do in Crossbell even worse. So looking it all that, it seems a little bit like the Crossbell-Saga was a stage that prepared the stage for Osborn and Rean as the major forces of the 4 games long Cold Steel – Saga.

Cold Steel is big and covers a huge span of time (although we had a big time-jump between CS2 and CS3 and also at least one to two months have passed between CS1 and CS2 as well as CS3 and CS4…) and finally deals with the country with the strongest military as well as with the man Osborn himself. With a game as big as this one, we of course get a huge amount of characters as well. Ever single one of them has somehow an important position in Erebonia one way or another. As Rean the main character alone is not just the adoptive-son of a man from the lower-nobility, but also (as it turned out later) the biological son of no other than chancellor Osborn himself (although they were hiding that fact) and became the Ashen Chevalier at the end of the first game. We also have people like Alisa, who is the heir of the Reinford-Company – which is by the way a name that also hear multiple times over the course of the other games, especially in connection with weapons. Jusis, the son of the Duke of one of the four great houses. Emma as being part of the Hexan-Clan and also the “sister” of Vita, who is the second Anguis of Ouroboros. And so on. Even Reans own Class 7 in CS3/CS4 is anything than boring. Although just a commoner, Juna is from Crossbell and was teached at the police academy from no other then our Ironblood Claire Riveld and is also a huge supporter of the SSS. Kurt is the youngest son of the Vanders and with that not just the son and nephew of two huge military-mans, but also the brother of our dearly beloved Mueller Vander, protector and best friend of Prince Olivert and thus of course also known in the royal family of Erebonia. Ash is one of only 3 survivors (technically only two survivors, now that Loewe is dead…) of the nightmare that was the Hamel-incident. And Musse… well… she is… much bigger then she looks like. Besides those main characters we also have guest characters like Princess Alfin the Erebonian-Princess herself. And oh look, Lechter is here too. Even Ouroboros steps up their game in Cold Steel. Adding more and more Enforcers to their Phantasmal Place Plan in the huge state that is called Erebonia. We get our Fool Campanella (the only one who actually shows up in person in all 3 Arcs), we have Phantom Thieve B (who was mentioned in all 3 games, but never showed up in person in Crossbell), the Steel Maiden and her Knights (who were first shown in Crossbell) as well as Vita and McBurn but also Shirley and Mariabell (who both joined Ouroboros around the Crossbell-Saga and were also very present in that arc) which already makes a huge damn amount of Villians or Semi-Villians (as Vita at some point as well as B are at least temporarily joining Team-Rean for a while…) for one Arc. And yet, we get another group of enemies (the Gnomes) added to the list, alongside a few Jeager-Corpses. And although we have plenty of active characters in the Cold Steel-Saga already, yet we also added Randy, Tio, Tita and Agathe as temporary party-members to the game in CS3. Still not enough? You are missing your best friends Estelle, Joshua, Renne, Lloyd, Elie and KeA from the previous installments? Fear not! We add them in Cold Steel 4 were we also have reacurring Guest-Characters like Sully and Grace from the Crossbell-Games. Shera will finally show up as well and did I mention the part in CS4 were Kloe, Cassius and even President Rocksmith joined the game for a short amount of time? And did I tell you that we don’t just travel through Erebonia in this games, but also go to Crossbell? Boy is that game huge! And probably the most important installment of the Series so far.

Now… lets look at this a little closer…

8. The maps of Liberl, Crossbell and Erebonia had different sizes which size was best and which was worst?

I would say the best size had Liberl. It was not too big but not too small either.

Erebonia (especially after also adding Crossbell to the places we visit do to it being part of Erebonia at that point) was far to huge. Crossing the whole of Erebonia by food like we did with Liberl and Crossbell? Absolut impossible! I mean we had 4 games and managed to visit different places almost in every of those 4 games. Erebonia is simply too huge! No wonder that they needed Trains for traveling.

Crossbell was a little bit too small. After playing Cold Steel before, it was sooo boring to run around the same places the whole time for most of those two games. When I started playing this game, I was lost immediately, because Crossbell as a City is huge. But in the first chapter of Ao I would have found my way from Downtown to St.Ursula Hospital blind.

9. As you mentioned yourself, Erebonia has the most characters, but Liberl did have a hand full of characters more then Crossbell. Which is the better amount in the end?

Funny enough I had absolutely no problem to love almost all the Characters from Cold Steel, despite the fact that we were like 9 main characters from the start. But I would say that even for 4 games, we just have a few too many characters in Cold Steel, although the games handled them extremely well all the time. So I can not really criticizes it.

However, while I found it boring with as much as 4 main characters in the first Crossbell-Game and at least 6 in the last Crossbell-Game, but also just too less side-characters to love and enemies to hate, I think that the Liberl-Arc did best with its amount of characters both main- and side-characters. Although they overdid it a bit in Sky 3 with the amount of main characters (but lets not talk about what a huge fail that game was…) with adding characters like Annalace and Richard while we already had people like Kevin and Ries as constant party-Members.

10. Best Soundtrack of all the Trails games so far? (Including CS4)

As I mentioned before it is definitely Trails of Cold Steel 3. The soundtrack is huge and amazing. I listened to it a lot while playing the Crossbell-Games.

11. Best Main Character?

Rean. Rean. Rean… and did I mention that it is Rean? Yes, absolutely and with no doubt Rean. Followed by Estelle as a wonderfully badass female-main-character full of love, cheerfulness and energy. I do not want to put Lloyd in third place, but I do put him in the last place as he was not half as good or interesting or amazing or cool or amusing as Rean or Estelle.

12. Best Character of the whole Trails-Saga?

Prince Olivert Reise Arnor (also known as Oliver Lenheim) without any doubt. Best character ever.

13. Best Side-Kick-Animal?

I can not decide. I love Celine and I also loved Sieg and I also loved Zeit. They were all 3 very amazing and a great addition to their respective games. Tho I love Celines sassiness probably the most XD

14. Top 5 Shippings of all the Trails-Games?

Huh… uh… okay… that one is hard because I have to decide between the best portrait ship, actual canon or harem-choice-ships and somehow they choices are too much and yet too small.

First place is Rean and Alisa because it’s just so damn perfect for being technically-speaking a Harem-Choice-ship. But what makes them perfect is the fact that their shipping is only technically-speaking a choice. Falcom doesn’t make it look like a choice at all XD Starting with the picture perfect meeting, Reans overprotective-instincts leading to this embarrassing closeness a little too early in their relationship, to them exchanging their fears and wishes under the starlit nightsky, to the heart to heart speech in Alisas home, followed by jealousy and apologizes of its finest after Reans “accidental date” with Claire, to the words that are said if you chose Alisa as your dance-partner, directly to the first heartbreaking reunion hug, the fact that they’ve meet once before as Children with Rean being the night in shining armor here who saved a lost Alisa, over to Rean absolutely not complaining about Alisa sitting in his lap in one of their bonding-events, to the fact that Alisa is the only Girl who gets a Kiss in her final bonding event in CS2, moving on with another long desired, very intimate reunion-hug and Rean admitting that he enjoyed the hug later on when confronted by his students, going to their cuddle-moment on the Rooftop of Reans school, over to Alisa being jealous of “fluffy mint” in their team-phone call going to once again being the only one receiving a kiss in her final bonding event in CS3 and even with them basically breaking up because of Alisas guilt do to her parents involvement in Reans situation after a desperate last hug from behind, going over to Rean not giving up on them and finally spending the night with each other before the final fight, with Alisa going down on her knees begging Rean not to leave her when he sacrifices himself and finally with them being close to each other a lot at Oliverts wedding. It could not be more perfect.

Second place just has to be Estelle and Joshua. From the fact that this ship is canon… like really canon, not actually “Falcom wants them to be canon” – Canon, it should be in the first place, but I just love Rean and Alisa so much more. Anyway… Joshua and Estelle were perfect from the beginning to the end. Be it the moment as a child when Joshua decided to stay with Estelle instead of leaving because he realized how much he loved her. Be it the fact that Estelle wasn’t even conscious of his feelings for her for a long time an did things like feeding each other. Over to the moment she finally became jealous of all the woman who really liked Joshua. Not even ending with this awful excuse of a first kiss and the fact that he carried her to his bed after he made her lose consciousness instead of letting her lay on the castle-rooftop until someone finds her. Even with Joshua pretending to be over Estelle, while closely watching her and making sure she was save in secret and then only needing a hug from her to be reminded that right next to her is were he belongs. Of course their amazing second-first-kiss and them almost dying in each other’s arm. With him loosing his temper when Estelle was almost hurt by Wald and with them both going from place to place to find Renne and finally make her part of their family. A wonderfully perfect lovestory.

Third place was taken by Agathe and Tita somehow between Agathe saving Tita in the first Sky game and rescuing her together with Rean and Co. in Cold Steel 4. I loved how he was owned by her in just such a short amount of time. It was hardly a chapter between him telling her she was not allowed to join them because she was a liability and him not being able to tell her joining them was a no-go because she started crying and he just can not stand that. I just love how Tita won Agathes heart by caring for him when he was sick and hurt, even tho she was still a child and he was already a grown man, one of the strongest bracers in Liberl no less. I just loved how she said she loved him when he almost overdid it in his fight with the dragon. I loved how happy and relieved she was when they finally found him in Sky 3 and that her teary hug was all that was needed for Agathe to not doubt for one second that he was just dreaming that weird place up – not to mention the teasing that followed after that. I loved the freaking Trails-Trademark-Headpat at the beginning of CS3, when Agathe told her how grown up and independent she became and still telling her that if something happens she should tell him and he will be there immediately. I loved how he somehow always seemed to be close to wherever the schools field-trips took her so that he could get immediately in action if something was wrong. I loved how EVERYONE is teasing Agathe about his relationship with Tita. I love how Tita became self-conscious but is still aware that revealing her true feelings for Agathe has yet to wait a little longer. I love how she can hug him as long as she wants, despite the teasing he has to live through afterwards. I love how he rushes to her side in the final fight in CS3 and swears to protect her no matter what. I love how he tells Rean that he can not allow Tita to go into mixed bathing with anyone else besides Class 7. (Which is funny, as Rean, by all means, is the most dangerous male character for any girl in this game… XD I mean it) after actually revealing that in the end, he doesn’t feel the same way for Tita as he did for his sister and even saying that she became very pretty. I also love that when he rescues her with Rean and his team, he realizes that he uses the promise he made to Titas family as an excuse and actually really, truly wants to protect her even tho he has yet to finish his “for me, you are…” sentence with the words “the most important person”, but we are getting there. I love how all the things they will do together on the day before the final fight are actually things couples would do. (Riding the farris Wheel together? Having a walk on the beach together? Romantic anyone?) I love how it seems the only reason they were part of CS3 was to show us how their relationship has progressed since that faithful day when Agathe took a bullet for Tita.

These are actually the only ships I really love. If I absolutely have to finish the top 5 then on fourth Place there would be Olivert and Shera… they do fit extremely well but I have no idea when them falling actually in love with each other really happened so it feels a bit weird at times. Fifth place would probably be Millium and Jusis. A ship that I didn’t see coming but I liked it and enjoyed the few small moments we had. If I had to add any ships from the Crossbell-Saga I would give Lloyd and Elie the next position, followed by Randy and Mirellei for some reason that I can not explain.

15. Who from Ouroboros do you like the most?

Vita, obviously. I also kind of gotten used to Campanella at this point and would miss him if he wouldn’t show up in Calvard XD I would maybe somehow like Thieve B but I hate his riddles so I probably won’t XD

16. Which Arc should a new player start with?

Personally I think starting with Cold Steel is not a bad idea, but starting with Sky is possible too, as they spoiler basically nothing for each other. I personally would say to play Cold Steel before Crossbell, because Crossbell spoils a huge part of the plot of CS2. Although I fear that after loving Reans Team and Estelles Team before it is almost impossible to learn to love Lloyds Team… at least that was my experience.

17. Any ideas what might happen next?

No. But I do think that at the end of the Trails-Series we will see the Grahlsritter fighting and propably winning against Ouroboros. Why I think that? We had a Grahlsritter in all of the Trails-Arcs so far. The game got to great lengths even to make sure we do not forget our Kevin from Trails in the Sky. Wazy is our Dominion from the Crossbell-Saga and Gaius is the one from the Erebonia-Saga. We propably get one from Calvard too and honestly? I wouldn’t be surprised if even one is among the Ouroboros guys somehow. I mean, Trails games are Traitor-Games, if you get what I mean. So why not a Traitor among the bad guys too?

#Mona plays Trails of Zero #Mona Plays Trails of Azure #Mona Plays all the Trails games

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sk-salazar · 6 years ago

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Here are my favorite things and some amazing observations about “Change Your Mind”. Needless to say, there are spoilers.

💖 Those cute rainbow caterpillar bois that Pink brought to Homeworld. And the image in my head of them chasing the Pearls. 😂 Someone needs to draw that.

💖 That DejaBlue pun.

💖 Connie standing up to Mama Blue and using her strict parents to her advantage.

💖 Steven standing up for his support of fusion instead of just giving Blue an empty apology.

💖 Blue realizing that she was wrong to use her emotional manipulation powers on her loved ones all these eons. And her comment about Homeworld failing Pink instead of Pink failing Homeworld. So many kids who defy the status quo need to hear this.

💖 Blue hiding the kids in her hair loop.

💖 The symbolism behind Steven throwing off his Pink Diamond getup and putting on his own clothes to confront White. (Maybe they’re just more comfortable, but I feel like there’s a clear message there.)

💖 Blue saying, “She prefers to be called Steven.” Even if she didn’t use a male pronoun, I can see a message here of accepting your trans kid and defending their chosen identify. Even if it causes a strain in your marriage.

💖 Connie’s courage (again!) to stand up to Yellow. Everyone kept blaming Connie for “blowing Steven’s chance to talk to White” because she fused with him. And Connie’s statement about changing the rules for everyone was the best clapback to that. Steven knows he’s right. Steven knows that servitude is wrong. He knows that denying who you want to be and not loving who you want to love is wrong. So if he is to confront White Diamond, he must do it on his terms, not hers.

💖 Yellow crying of her own volition.

💖 Connie’s “face-off” pun and all the hand puns about the ships. 😂 And Bismuth wanting to uppercut an upper crust. The writing for this episode was 🔥.

💖 Steven saying “GASP!” instead of actually gasping. 😂

💖 Lapis’ and Peridot’s new forms! I’m so in love with Lapis’ palazzo pants and golden sandals! She looks like she has so much more personality now. 💙💚

💖 Peridot saying, “Who needs thumbs?” even tho they’re the reason humans are an advanced species. 😂

💖 Steven’s observation about all his forms. Pink represented the “flight” response and Rose represented the “fight” response. Both of which are primitive responses to conflict. Meanwhile, Steven represents using logic and compassion to foster dialogue. He’s the most ascended form.

💖 Blue saying, “In order to fix [our family], we must admit that it’s broken.” Here, she voices the most common fear of those people who always push back against progress.

💖 Yellow telling Steven to #TakeAKnee . I see what you did there, Sugar Woman. 😏

💖 Yellow having the courage to tell White that “we need to talk about us”. (I love all the throwback references in this episode! One of which is this line, which is a throwback to the episode about Greg and Rose.)

💖 Steven telling White to “let us in your head” or to “get out of your head”. To be “in your head” means that you’re self-centered and unconcerned about the world around you. Again, that 🔥 writing.

💖 Amethyst’s owl pun. 😂

💖 Steven fusing with all the Crystal Gems to save them. Not only was it a great idea in an emergency, but it’s a great plot device. It gives us the answer to our questions about who all the Steven fusions are, thereby making it easier to wrap up the show sometime in the near future.

💖 The new fusions!!! Rainbow Quartz is a posh twink, Sunstone is a positive, 80’s rapper-esque cool dude role model for kids and Obsidian fucking Te Ka.

💖 Rainbow Quartz blowing a raspberry, Rainbow Quartz blasting off with a literal rainbow trail, Rainbow Quartz’s “two stones and one bird” joke. Just, Rainbow Quartz. 🌈

💖 The Crystal Gems forming a cheerleading pyramid to form Obsidian and Pearl doing a Swedish Alps move.

💖 That badass fucking shot of Obsidian’s multiple arms. As well as that epic music they played for her scene.

💖 The Crystal Gems’ new forms. Pearl has completely thrown off that flimsy veil thing that all Pearls have. (Which is a symbol of servitude to her.) And now, her outfit is a lot more conventionally human. (Maybe a sign that she wants to pursue Mystery Girl?) Also, the Star is on her back, representing her putting her past as a Crystal Gem behind her. Now, she’s just Pearl and she just wants to live her own chosen purpose.

Garnet has both red and blue in her corset. After Ruby and Sapphire spent time apart, Ruby realized that she liked being with Sapphire while still being herself. Maybe Sapphire came to the same conclusion. Maybe they both came to the conclusion that they’re not two halves of a whole. They’re two whole beings in one pair.

💖 Bismuth loving Connie enough to make her a custom non-Rose Quartz-themed sword. I love how much she loves and protects the new crew.

💖 The Great and Lovable Peridot declaring that she’s Homeworld’s savior.

💖 As unnerving as it is, I love the way White tries to mess with Steven’s head. She talks about Yellow’s, Blue’s and Pink’s impurities making them dependent on each other. (Essentially, colored diamonds are created because of impurities.) And also how Pink surrounds herself with outcasts in order to be considered normal or good. I don’t agree with any of her statements, but you’ll often hear bigots use the same kind of logic to justify their worldview, which really makes this show hit home in many ways. I have to admit, her words kind of messed with my head, too. For a moment, I had some intrusive thoughts, wondering if I believed what I believe so that I could be “the best of the worst”. I snapped out of it really quick, mind you. But this was an incredibly effective speech.

💖 Amethyst calling White a dirt wad. 😂 She has NO chill.

💖 Again, White Diamond being an absolute villain when she says, “Now I’ve removed all their flaws. Now they are perfect, now they are ME.” This could be an interpretation of God. He sees free will as a mistake because his creations choose NOT to glorify him and NOT to be molded in his image. So many awesome sneak-disses of real people in this episode. 😎👏🏼

💖 Yellow Pearl’s silly Pink Steven line turning out to be foreshadowing. 🤦🏻‍♀️

💖 The palpable representation of self-love in the form of Steven adoring his own form. Also, there’s a throwback to Rose Quartz saying, “Every time you love yourself or you love being yourself, that’s me loving you and loving being you.” Steven really is Pink’s ascended form. The song in the credits is from Pink to Steven.

💖 Rose Quartz and Pink being gone for good. So many stories have characters that come back to life and it seems like death loses meaning nowadays. As much as I love Rose, I’m here for her never coming back. Especially because that represents Pink/Rose/Steven growing and moving on. Just as we never go back to our old, naive selves, neither should Pink.

💖 Steven being equal to White in power, apparently. She was shook with that scream of his! And he took his sweet ass time walking towards his meat suit. That’s power right there.

💖 White saying, “I only want you to be yourself and if you can’t do that, I’ll do it for you.” A perfect representation of people nowadays forcing people to deny their true identities through draconian laws, unwritten social codes and bigoted statements.

(“You do not look like this, you do not sound like this, you are Pink Diamond” = “If you have a penis/vagina, you’re a man/woman.” “That gender doesn’t exist.” “Men and women are supposed to be with each other because...reproduction.” “You can live together, but don’t call it marriage.” Etc, etc.)

💖 The best line in the whole show: “I AM a child. What’s your excuse?” What a sweet, heartfelt way to remind us of the pilot episode, when all this magic got started. 😭

💖 White Diamond interpreted Pink’s “impurity” as warmth earlier. All this time, she thought that being “perfect” meant being detached, cold, unsympathetic, overbearing and cruel. But she becomes more likeable and multi-faceted when she absorbs Pink’s warmth/light. Without it, she’s a creepy, aloof puppet master. But with it, she becomes the same old White that the Diamonds loved. She changed quite easily, so that indicates to me that she felt the need to remove her emotions to become a more effective leader. (Kind of like how people with broken hearts often vow never to love again.) There should be a future exploration on this. Did she remove her own emotions? Did she do it in order to detach herself from grieving for Pink? Or did a higher, more eldritch power do this to her? 🤔 Either way, Pink’s warmth is the antidote to all forms of frigidity. For all that guff about her perfect white light penetrating everyone, she sure got shown a thing or two. 😁

💖 Apparently, Pink Pearl is okay-ish. She probably still has the trauma of being taken from Pink and having her eye cracked. But she apparently has no memory of being controlled. I was so tormented for the last month, wondering if poor Pink Pearl was screaming for freedom, trapped inside her own body. 😢

💖 Steven’s throwback to the song he sung to Lars and Sadie when they were stranded on the island. “If you let others just be whoever they are, maybe you could let yourself be whoever you are” is a throwback to “Let Yourself Just Be Wherever You Are”. It’s also a perfect message to people who rely on bigotry and forcefulness to serve as their whole identity.

💖 Sadie’s green hair. 💚 What a look! And Greg is such a good guy that he’s allowed Sadie and her band to play his song. ☺️ Also, her literal mic drop when the Diamond mothership lands above her. 🤣

💖 The way our perfect cinnamon roll always brings people together. The way he introduces the off-colors to the Diamonds like it’s NBD, like there hasn’t been eons of bad blood between them. And the way White is willing to say hello to them first. What a good grandma. ☺️ It’s funny that earlier on, White said that Pink inspires others to be their worst selves. Yet whenever Steven does stuff like this, it inspires me to be my best self. And many other fans too, I’m sure!

💖 Lars being kind to Lion. ☺️

💖 The off-colors and corrupted-now-uncorrupted Gems finally getting their happily ever after. ☺️

💖 Jasper still retaining a scar of her corruption. Because no one ever comes back unscathed and that little detail makes this story so much more real to us. Also, the way Amethyst explained everything to her, even after the way Jasper had bullied her.

💖 Yellow throwing up some deuces as the mothership was blasting off. 😂✌🏼 There is hope for these Diamonds after all.

💖 Steven’s closing song. What a perfect message to sum up the entire episode. 😍

#steven universe #pink diamond #pearl #rose quartz #amethyst #lapis lazuli #yellow diamond #blue diamond #peridot

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gingerandwry · 6 years ago

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Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - Week 1

The bus ride from Paraty to Rio was easy and uneventful. The road runs along the coast, but unfortunately the view is mostly obscured by overgrowth. I caught some dramatic, beautiful glimpses, but Brazil could learn from California and Australia. Upon arrival at my Ipanema AirBnB, I took a breath then settled in for two weeks of adventure....

My friends Scott and Tony had left Paraty a couple days early to come to Rio, so I met them for drinks and dinner Saturday night. We walked to a lively, popular-with-millenials section of Leblon and ate dinner at CT Boucherie, an established steakhouse-ish restaurant that was fantastic (and a great value for how much we ate and drink). Those guys had had a big night on Friday so we all turned in early.

And it’s good we did since Scott had a full day planned for us. We started at Parque Lage for breakfast at their famous restaurant. It occupies the courtyard of a crumbling mansion (now an art school) and sits just below Rio’s most famous landmark, Christ the Redeemer. It’s a setting made for Instagram, and everyone certainly took advantage of that. The food was pretty tasty for a place that could easily half-ass it. After breakfast we walked around the park a bit and saw our first monkeys!

We then walked through Jardim Botanico, which appears to be the Beverly Hills of Rio. We walked through the Botanical Gardens as well, which are lush and beautiful. I think the most striking element were the massive tree trunks, some of which formed walls rising several feet above the ground.

From here we traveled back to Ipanema’s Praca General Osorio for the famous “Hippie Fair”, an arts and crafts market. I’m not sure what the big deal is-- it seems like every other crafts market I’ve seen. Afterwards the guys went to the beach, but I needed some literal chill time in front of a fan, so I lay low at my apartment for a while. We met up again for dinner at Zaza, a delicious Moroccan restaurant. It was the guys’ last night, but we were all pretty beat, so we called it early after a couple more beers.

Monday was shopping day, both clothes and groceries. I am not a beach person, and I was not prepared for how beached out Rio is. Even at nighttime in nice restaurants, people are in t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops. I needed some more beach wear to fit in (tho I only ended up finding one pair of shorts I liked). I met up with the guys again for lunch at Barraca do Uruguai, the most famous stand at Ipanema beach selling delicious meaty sandwiches. They had to get to the airport so we parted ways and I found myself all alone in Brazil....

On Tuesday I committed to the hard work of tourism. In the morning I took the metro to Centro, the historic center of Rio. I emerged at Rua Uruguaina into a hectic street bazaar. It was initially unnerving but a nice break from laid back Ipanema. Once I got my bearings I climbed up to Morro de Conceicao, a very old, Lisbon-esque street with cute (if shabby) townhouses, and then down to Praca Maua, the waterfront area that was revitalized for the 2016 Olympics. I first visited the Museu de Arte do Rio, housed in a beautiful colonial building attached to a gleaming modern annex. The view over Guanabara Bay is fantastic. The museum was showing two exhibits, one (”Mulheres”) featured women artists and had a lot of compelling pieces. The other was a history of samba. Once again I couldn’t understand the Portuguese captions, but there was enough music, video and glamorous visuals to make it fun nonetheless.

I walked across the plaza to Museu do Amanha (”Tomorrow”), a very modern “science” museum with a lot of interactive video displays and flashy installations for these selfie/social media loving Brazilians. The science was a bit thin; it starts with a brief history of the universe then focuses on humanity’s impact on the planet, for better and worse. But it was engaging.

I then hiked up another hill to the Mosteiro do Sao Bento, a monastery that is one of the city’s oldest buildings. Its plain, humble exterior belies an over-the-top opulence inside, a theme I found in every church I saw that day. Those early Portuguese settlers loved ornate, gilded wall reliefs like you would expect from Louis XIV.

After a tasty chicken burger at the hip Cozinha Mironga I continued toward the waterfront to Igreja de Nossa Senhora Candelaria, the biggest of the city’s historic churches. The surrounding area houses lots of current and former government buildings, most of them imposing neoclassical edifices or fanciful Baroque colonial desserts (or both). I saw the Centro Cultural do Banco do Brasil (tho I skipped the current exhibition of Dreamworks art), Igreja de Nossa Senhora do Carmo da Antiga Se (which served royal functions when the Portguese throne decamped to Brazil) and Paco Imperial (the one-time royal palace). From there I walked through the extremely underwhelming (but historic) Arco de Teles into Travessa do Comercio, a charming cobblestone street of colonial townhouses, now home to outdoor cafes.

From here I cut across the hustling narrow streets of Centro to Largo da Carioca, a plaza surrounding by some atrocious 1960s skyscrapers (tho the Petrobras HQ is a marvel) and dominated by a very old church, Igreja Sao Francisco da Penitencia e Convento de Santo Antonio (phew). It’s beautifully restored and wins the gaudiest award in a very tough category. Not one inch of that chapel was left ungilded, an odd choice for an order who has taken a vow of poverty.

I then headed back up to Real Gabinete Portugues de Leitura, or the Royal Reading Room. It’s basically a library, and one of the most stunning I’ve ever seen. It’s three stories of books (over 350,000) in sumptuous but tasteful, muted decor. You can feel the knowledge surrounding you, and it makes you yearn to have more of it.

From there I veered west into Saara, a small grid of narrow streets that serves as an outdoor market and bazaar. You can probably find anything you need here and at a good price. At the end of it I found Campo de Santana, an elegant park with an odd assemblage of wild beasts-- cats, ducks, some sort of large fowl, and a cute, big rodent creature (capybara?). That was enough for one day so I headed back to Ipanema, had a big, tasty, cheap dinner at Frontera and went home to bed.

On Wednesday I headed back down to Centro to finish my tour. I started at the Museu Historico Nacional. I have a particular interest in history museums because a) I think it’s important to have some background and context when you travel; b) I’m a history nerd; and c) they are difficult to do well since good history requires a lot of text, which is not well-suited to a museum. Rio’s history museum is... decent. Housed in a well-maintained old fort, it could definitely use some refurbishing and some more engaging exhibits. After a respectable space telling the story of the indigenous people, it mostly focuses on the leaders and elites who steered the country from a Portuguese (and Dutch and French) colony into an independent republic. It has little to say about slaves, and I found no mention of the military dictatorship that ruled from the sixties to the eighties. (This is especially problematic given the current president’s favorable, revisionist view of the dictatorship.) But otherwise the narrative seems fair and accurate, if not thorough. It has almost no weighty artifacts, like original documents or “this was the actual thing that person used” items. It is mostly full of examples (of china, jewelry, slave shackles, etc.), paintings (many immense) and busts. Two awesome exceptions are a large array of carriages and early cars spanning three hundred years and an actual historic apothecary that was moved into the museum when it went out of business. I also appreciated that all of the displays had English translations tho they were riddled with errors. It made me wonder why the museum wouldn’t have them proofread before printing them up in a permanent exhibition.

From here I walked back to Praca Floriano (aka Cinelandia) which is the heart of downtown. The plaza is fairly non-descript, but it’s surrounded by some of the city’s most beautiful buildings: Theatro Municipal, Bibliolteca Nacional, Museu Nacional de Belas Artes and Camera Municipal. It was so stunning I stopped for lunch on the square and came back to see it lit up at night (when apparently the navy was attending the opera...).

After lunch I continued west into Lapa, past the iconic Arcos (an old viaduct) and the peculiar Catedral Metropolitana de Sao Sebastio. It’s a brutalist cement cone modeled after Aztec pyramids, and it looks nothing like any church I’ve ever seen (tho not far off from St. Mary’s in San Francisco, aka “The Washing Machine”). After my initial shock and repulsion, I found it growing on me, if only for its boldness and break from tradition. It’s most famous for the tall stain-glassed windows (which are impressive in their size if not beauty), but what stood out to me was the main crucifix. It’s surprisingly small and suspended in the center of the cone about 30 feet above the altar. Jesus looks so vulnerable and alone, floating in an empty void. Of all the gory crucifixion scenes I’ve seen, this more than any other moved me and actually made me sad to think about Jesus’ plight.

I then ventured further into Lapa. Nowadays it’s best known for its rowdy nightlife, and some of the bars were just starting to open up. Like much of Rio (and many Latin American cities), the area had traces of better days but now mostly looks decrepit. I made my way back, under the Arcos and headed to Cinelandia to catch the train home.

Thursday was considerably less ambitious. After a late start, I took the metro to Botafogo. Amid the usual urban grit of Rio are several beautiful old colonial mansions (as well as a notorious favela). I believe it was once an upscale artsy neighborhood that fell into decline, but some of the old buildings have been restored as museums or work spaces. Unfortunately, like so much of the city, they are hidden and inaccessible behind tall walls and fences. One beautiful exception is the Fundacao Casa de Rui Barbosa, once home to a famous writer and politician, now a museum. I didn’t go inside but the gorgeous grounds around the home are open to the public and look like a miniature botanical garden.

I made my way toward the next neighborhood, Humaita, and stopped at Cemiterio Sao Joao Batista, the final resting place for some of Brazil’s most famous residents. It’s quite beautiful and dramatic under the watchful eye of Christ the Redeemer. My last stop was Cobol do Humaita, a food market and dining hall, which are always pleasant to wander. The sun was going down so, after six days in Ipanema, I figured it was time to see the sunset on the beach. Obviously Rio faces East but the light is still nice.

Friday turned out to be my most ambitious day and, painfully, the hottest so far. I returned to lovely Cinelandia and Lapa and visited the famous Escadaria Selaron, a public stairway that has been covered in a colorful tile mosaic in tribute to the people of Brazil. It’s pretty, fun and festive and swarming with tourists. Fortunately most people turn around at the top (if they get that far) instead of continuing into the beautiful Santa Teresa neighborhood. Like Botafogo, it’s full of charming old homes in various states of (dis)repair. But these are not walled off. And they run the gamut from cottages to palaces, so there is a lot of variety, both in architecture and culture. It reminded me of Russian Hill and Telegraph Hill. Also, this being a very steep hill, there are stunning views of the city and the bay from everywhere.

There is not much to do in Santa Teresa besides admire the loveliness, which probably helps keep the tourists away. Parque das Ruinas is the main attraction-- a crumbled mansion once owned by a salon-hosting socialite intellectual. It really feels like ruins, but staircases and walkways have been installed and the surrounding grounds turned into a park. The views from the top are spectacular. The small museum next door (Museu da Chacara do Ceu) hosts a private collection. It sounded interesting but appeared to be closed for construction.

I continued walking through the main commercial area which hosts some charming little boutiques, restaurants and bars (as well as a makeshift barber and a bar perched out on one of the viewpoints). I stopped for fantastic feijoada at Bar do Mineiro and more beer at the historic Bar do Gomes. Then, rather than walk all the way back down, I opted for the bonde, a cute little cable car that runs up and down the hill.

With a little daylight left, I headed back down to Botafogo and then over to Urca for one of Rio’s premiere attractions: Pao de Acucar (Sugarloaf Mountain). It stands tall at the north end of Copacabana and offers stunning views over the entire city and bay. It’s accessible by a sequence of two cable cars (gondolas), teetering at dizzying heights. It was crowded, as I expected at sunset, but not actually that bad. I stayed up there a while soaking in the “Marvelous City” and, like everyone else, taking tons of photos.

It was my first Friday night in the city, and I had nothing to do, which would have been a shame. But a guy I had been chatting with invited me to Paraiso do Tuiuti, a samba school. I demurred, concerned that I would not understand the instructions in Portuguese. But my friend then explained that it’s not a school so much as a club that performs sambas. The schools are formed in the favelas and compete at Carnaval every year. Friday night Paraiso was having a big birthday party and putting on a show for their friends.

The Paraiso clubhouse is across the street from Feira de Sao Cristovao, a kind of permanent country fair. It’s home to dozens of stalls selling all sorts of stuff, but at night, it’s mostly just restaurants and bars with a lot of karaoke. There is also a main stage with the kind of cheesy acts you would expect at a fair. And the crowd was overwhelmingly under 30, maybe 25. It was cute good times but I was not sorry to leave when my friend arrived.

The Paraiso do Tuiuti building is a big auditorium, not unlike a high school gym. A large samba band was in full swing in the corner of the mezzanine, and various people in uniforms, outfits and costumes were milling amongst the hundreds of guests. It all felt very festive, intimate and personable. A little later the performances started. My friend explained that each year at Carnaval each school performs a new samba and competes for first place (the schools are also organized like sports leagues with a top tier, mid tier, etc.). Paraiso do Tuiuti was performing their greatest hits that night in honor of their birthday (with songs going back to the 80s), and once they were done, a couple other schools-- Estacio de Sa and Mangueira (last year’s winners)-- performed as well. The whole experience was phenomenal and unforgettable-- the rhythms, the leg work, the costumes, the energy. It was a fantastic, only-in-Brazil night that a tourist can only hope to stumble upon.

Since I did not get home until 6am, Saturday and Sunday were my lazy days off before I returned to the tourist trail the next week....

#riodejaneiro #brazil #brasil #travel #gaytravel #intentionaltravel

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dr-edits-fanart-and-imagines · 7 years ago

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can i have mondo, ishimaru, leon, komaeda, souda, gundam, korekiyo, and gonta with an s/o who's usually SUPER positive like 90% of the time and powering through their depression with only some off days, suddenly be a paranoid sensitive mess and distrust everything anyone says like "I love you" "you're the best" even though they knows it's true and have literal of weeks, sorry if this is long and exceeds any limit or breaks any rules. i'm just havin a shite time my guys

Ok, I’m gonna be dead serious about this particular ask, because this totally describes me as a person. I’m sorry to all of you Anons who did previous requests earlier than this one, but I can’t help it. I just need to do this one. I’m sorry about you feeling down lately dear Anon. I’m feeling down myself too, so I understand you relying on these horrible messes of imagines I make. But don’t worry, I tried my best with this ask, because my only goal with this particular request is to make you feel better. Please get well soon Anon, remember I’m here for you :D (i cried with these yo)

~Mod Junko~

Mondo Oowada

Mondo adores your jumpy and bubbly side

That’s what he loves the most about you

So after realizing that you had depression

He was kind of amazed on how outgoing you were

Despite your condition

One day, you just broke

Even worse, in front of the class

Most of them kept complimenting you and telling you that there was nothing wrong with you

You refuesd all of those comments while crying harder

After class, Mondo was at your home

And you asked him if he really loved you

He was very surprised by the question

So he just embraced you

And he whispered something that made you cry out of pure happiness

“s/o… I fucking love you, so much. You have no idea how much I love you. Even if you don’t believe me. I’m just so glad of having someone so wonderfully strong as you. I just, love you.”

Then he started peppering your face with kisses while complimenting you after each kiss

You were surprised by how such meaninful words could come out of a biker gang leader

You decided not to question it and enjoy the embrace

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

This guy right here

Kiyotaka LOVES you, SO MUCH

He always demonstrates it to you when he has the chance

The only time he doesn’t

Is in public

And this happens often

This kinda bothers you a bit

So one day you just ask him why he does that

He explains himself by saying that as a moral compass, he sets the example of a proper relationship

And that he was taught that PDA was inappropriate

You start apologizing

And then you said something that surprised him

“It’s just sometimes I think that you’re just dating me out of pity. And all of those compliments are nothing but jokes. N-no wonder y-you t-t-think showing affection t-to m-me i-is not… Is not..!”

And you broke crying

Kiyotaka totally understands you, he’s not pretty good with his emotions either

So he just holds you while rubbing your back soothingly

He just waits for you to calm down, until you’re ready to talk to him

You really don’t say anyhting, so he just cuddles with you until you fall asleep

You fall asleep with a smile on your face

Leon Kuwata

Compared to Kiyotaka, Leon is never afraid of showing affection to you

He’s kind of protective tho

If he gets a feeling of someone giving you a look he doesn’t like

He’ll either get the fuck out of there

Or he’ll confront them right them and there

You totally misunderstand his intentions of protecting you

And you ask him about it

“Leon, what am I for you?”

He doesn’t know why you’re even asking him about it

“You’re my s/o. What else? Why do you ask that?”

“Well it’s just. You’re just so possesive of me sometimes. I can just help but think that I’m just something like a trophy for you..”

And you broke down, sobbing loudly

Leon whispers you name with tears in his eyes

And he starts apologizing A LOT

“No, no, no, no, no. That’s not it, s/o! I’m so sorry if you think that, I just get a bad sensation about things sometimes! But I’m wrong, I’m always wrong and you’re right! I’m just stupid!”

“You’re not stupid, Leon!”

With tears clouding his vision, he pulls you for a tight hug

Repeating “I’m sorry” over and over again

So you just embrace each other, comforting words exchanged back and forth between you two

Nagito Komaeda

The moment he met you, he fell in love with you

For trash someone like him, it was easy for him know someone’s personality

And your cheerful nature on the outside, gave him the sensation that something was happening to you on the inside

So when you two started dating, he proved his theory right

It worried him a bit that you were so closed about your negative feelings

So he asked you about it, one day

You were at Nagito’s room, cuddling

When he asked something that alarmed you

“s/o, is something wrong?”

Immediately, tears started froming in your eyes

And you hid your face in his chest

This is the reaction he hoped to get away from you

He knows you compressed your emotions too much

And that you just needed to let go

Nagito shushed you while whispering sweet nothings to you

Some of them about your beauty, some of them about how much he loved you

And sometimes he didn’t even talk, and just placed a random kiss on your hair

You cried yourself to sleep, but you didn’t feel sad or alarmed anymore

Nagito just knew what was happening to you, and he just knew how to fix it

That was enough for you to know that he really loved you

Kazuichi Souda

Unfortunately, Kazuichi would be totally unaware of your depression at first

He’d be so in love with your quirky and cheerful personality that he’d never notice

Until that one day

You were feeling pretty down

And you straight up told him that you had depression

This triggered something inside him

He started to be more cautious of what he says

He was worried sick about what you had told him

This made you feel strange

He was usually so carefree around you, now he was worried about everything related to you

You ask him about it

He doesn’t say anything, he’s afraid of what will come out

“Heh. I knew it.”

He was confused by your statement

“You must think I’m so stupid that you’re so scared of me screwing things up and you must watch over me all the time. Sad, isn’t it?”

And you started sobbing

Not loudly, but it was hurful for Kazuichi nontheless

He felt the tears that started running down his cheeks

And pulled you for a hug

He just started whispering that he loved you, and how wonderful you were

Even with the thought of him protecting you just because he thought you were stupid

A part of you though he just wanted to protect you because he loved you

You were relieved to know he really did love you and you had nothing to worry about

With a soft smile, you whispered a “thank you” to him

Kazuichi stopped talking for a moment, and kissed you lovingly

Gundham Tanaka

You were not exactly “Dark Queen/King/Monarch material”, as mortals put it

But there was something about your positive nature that enamoured Gundham

Your mesmerizing personality was almost bewitching

And he absolutely adored it

What he didn’t expect however, was the unnerving aura that surrounded you when you two started courting

It wasn’t the kind of darkness that he was fond of

This was more of an alarming amount of dread

He had a severely morbid sensation about this aura

And questioned you if you had noticed it as much as he did

You did not understand what he meant by aura

Does he mean your depression?

You explain that you sometimes felt alone, even surrounded by people

You felt hated, even while being showered by compliments

Your heart was aching, even if it was filled with love

What Gundham did surprised you

He gently brushed his hand against yours, and he squeezed it lovingly

“s/o. You are the most enticing mortal I’ve laid my eyes upon. You’re one for captivating others with your sublime manners and gorgeous attributes. I see no objective in you speaking in such a cold-blooded manner to yourself. So I will just continue to comply to your wishes and stay by your side whenever you need it the most, my beloved.”

You were speechless

You had no idea Gundham was capable of such beautiful talk

So, with tears dried and a full smile, you embraced him

Whispering how much you thank him for loving you

Korekiyo Shinguuji

As much as the human body in general enticed Korekiyo

And he did love your stunning body

But your personality, being what standed out the most for you

Was just as charming

And that’s what made you a perfect human specimen for him

When he noticed about your low self-esteem

He absolutely knew what to do about it

Korekiyo suddenly brought your depressing nature to the conversation out of nowhere

Right before you could start complaining about yourself

“My dear s/o. You don’t need to explain your reasons of your pitiless nature. I’m well aware of that. But there is no need for you to worry about the amount of love I hold for you. I assure you, there is no absolute way on how to describe it. But if you really want to know, I might as well show you, shouldn’t I?”

And he pulled you for a deep and delightful kiss

It was more meaningful than anything

And just how Korekiyo said, it was enough to prove how much he loved you

Gonta Gokuhara

He is SO IN LOVE WITH YOU

You’re so cute it makes him feel all giddy and fuzzy

Not even when you’re dating

But when you started dating for real

happy gonta (once again, ripped off from another dr imagines blog)

But you surprised him

When one day he found you crying

He was immediately by your side, asking you what was wrong

Gonta did nothing wrong, did he?!

You tell him he’s done nothing.

In fact, it’s you the one who’s wrong

You started insulting yourself, stuttering and hiccuping beacuse of your crying

You were cut off short by a frantic and sobbing Gonta hugging you

Not tightly, to make sure not to hurt you

“s/o, please stop telling Gonta about those things. If s/o feel bad about themselves, that make Gonta feel bad too. Gentlemen must take care of thier s/o right? Then Gonta make sure s/o not sad about themselves! Gonta make s/o feel special and loved! Because Gonta loves s/o, and s/o loves Gonta. And Gonta wants to be with s/o no matter what. Will s/o let Gonta help?”

Never have you heard something so pure and meaningful in your life

So you faced him

And kissed him sweetly

He kissed back gently, hugging you closer to him

Gonta took that as a yes

He felt tears in his eyes again

You did too

But you both had nothing to worry about right now. You had each other

And that was the only thing that mattered right now

#mod junko #danganronpa #mondo owada #kiyotaka ishimaru #leon kuwata #nagito komaeda #kazuichi souda #gundham tanaka #korekiyo shinguuji #gonta gokuhara #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa headcanons

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years ago

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3 am’s a crazy time for it but it occurs to me i may as well give a heads up that i am like, for real at the present assuming that i’m gonna like, sometime in the very near future here be going offline again, in that sort of my ~plan~ (my one-step plan) is seeing if i can get myself on a bus (hopefully) and see if that can get me to the west coast. and from there i’ll just be like, well here i am in a place i’ve never been before, being unhoused for the second time but this time not living in my car, which is a bit different than living right out in the open, which i’ve never done. this, for example, is why i was looking up how to do makeshift stp devices. way easier to be able to pee wherever you are than have to find a place you can drop your whole pants, or an actual bathroom. apparently cutting the end off one of those plastic liquid medicine measuring things with the sorta spoon at its mouth works. anyways

i suppose it hasn’t necessarily showed but for a few weeks now i’ve def been feeling The Impending Pressure and it was getting down to the wire there not knowing if the Last Day Online would spring itself on me suddenly. but i can at least say i think i’ll have a days warning now and be able to say something with at least a matter of hours forewarning and not like, a matter of minutes. its been sorta wild though like, sorta assuming its like a Two Days Remain situation and in the midst of the unpredictability of depression, trying to just enjoy things as they’re happening, the simple stuff like chatting with people and being able to put my bullshit thoughts online...cranking out a fic chapter because it’s at least a better place to leave it hanging than it wouldve been otherwise.....just consuming this content that’s enjoyable and chill af.......i tell ya what—both in terms of being Fun and Anxiety-Reducing and Good Distractions and also, a great opportunity just to be talking to people on the daily which has been and continues to be absolutely fantastic—having been On that deh/etc will roland train for the past couple months has been a total gift. it was some great luck stumbling into that, seriously

anyways it’s weird! it’s weird thinking just like, i’ll suddenly do this thing and be on the other coast and just step out and be somewhere i don’t know and with no particular destination and maybe the lgbt center i looked up will at least tell me whats the best area to be in, sometimes they’re in the know abt that re: where’s a better spot to be homeless in than others. and from there, y’know, all i’ve been doing for years and all i can continue to do is absolutely wing it. and it’s funny that this all seems slightly less intimidating to me than it wouldve like, a year or two ago (even tho two yrs ago i was technically homeless lol but living in my car so like i said its different from living Right on the street) but honestly, obviously, it’s still very intimidating because how could it not be. i’m maybe not AS anxious but i’m still anxious and even though i know i could do it, i’d be stressed tf out and anxious as hell and shit while i was doing it. i mean, a crosscountry bus ride alone—i’ve never done that!! what if i mess up switching over to a different connecting ride between stations. bus and train bathrooms unnerve me, god forbid i have to get past someone to get to the aisle to GO to the bathroom. and, yknow, just a really long bus ride—how do you manage to sleep, how do i manage not to fall asleep at the wrong time cuz i doubt there’s an attendant telling you to get off at the right stop. though god knows it’s somewhat arbitrary where i’m deciding to go, i have no especial connection in one particular place over another, i think i have an uncle and cousin in CA but i don’t have the first idea where and i don’t know them at all

ugh. like there’s no actual way to feel good about it but if i’m gonna go somewhere it might as well be in a completely different place and i could try the west coast and i’m not one for making careful plans or thinking that making careful plans about your life works unless you’ve already got a lot of control about your situation, which i don’t. and it’s always been p inevitable that i wind up “properly” homeless, and it happens, and i don’t pretend it doesn’t scare me, but what are you gonna do? c’est ca que c’est / la vie. this way there’s a chance that A Big Change might lead the way for something better, and like hey if i die or some shit i die, which has always been a possibility anyways for the past like 6-7 years especially, what with how shitty i’ve felt lol. but i have no attachment where i’m at now and just. it’s hard to explain i guess if you’re not in the kind of place where i’m at but there’s not a lot of choices in the first place so, if i can choose the location, if it can be somewhere new where i MIGHT like to be for once, that’s better than not. and somehow so far i’ve managed to go with the flow surrounding big changes and sometimes wild situations, even if i’ve felt like crap and been super worried sometimes too. i don’t know for how many years now i’ve been Not assuming i’d be alive by the next year, but here i am having gotten this far, at least. it’s fairly impressive even if i don’t have any amazing achievements. believe it or not i’m pretty satisfied with my Achievements as just like, dumbass blog posts and fic/art and occasionally contributing something someone enjoys and getting to talk to people sometimes. it’s how i’ve been able to enjoy myself in the midst of some really awful times for the past like 6 yrs and i’ve appreciated it every day i’ve gotten to surf the net

like i guess it’s like haha, nerd, that half of what i’m worried about is being offline. but it’s a big deal being able to connect w the world beyond your immediate reach and distract yourself and say things and maybe even Enjoy yourself and also actually get to talk to people. but hey sometimes even people who live on the street manage to snag wifi connections somehow. i’d have to ask them how, lol. but, yknow, like i said, for a couple weeks especially it’s been like , Not Assuming I’ll NOT Lose Internet Connection and thus really trying to bear down on appreciating it. not like being offline for 5 months or so didn’t also make me appreciate it extra already. i was gonna say i survived it but i did get wildly depressed throughout like, august? september? probably both lol. anyways. what i’m trying to say i guess is that i’m not actually assuming i’ll be okay, but that only means so much because like, not to sound dramatic but i’ve pretty much never been okay on account of ive been just a half step away from living on the streets ever since leaving my parents house where i’d previously lived my whole life, which was an abusive situation. and also the depression and the years of really wanting to die which, at least 2018 didn’t have TOO much of that, in terms of feeling like it might be impending. now i can’t really be bothered, i’m just floating along and if i die i die, right. what i’m trying to say is, there’s not really any Good Proper option to choose where i’m definitely okay, so it’s basically about choosing between bad options, and with this choice i might at least like the location a little better, change of scenery, not as cold as here, i dunno. there’s not a way to just choose my way into being okay. it’s all a roll of the dice anyhow

also it’s weird but one thing about being on my own is it takes the pressure off me in certain ways and it’s a bit easier for me to Do things. if there’s anyone else to answer to in any way, i tend to just not ever decide anything and definitely don’t pursue anything. i’m one of those ppl who either has to live alone or with ppl they’re really really really comfortable with, and since i don’t have the latter around and nobody especially me can afford the former, it’s like, well, how is not everybody homeless anyway, right? and people do it. because yknow, you have to do it, it’s suddenly just your situation and somehow people get through every day. idk. learn as you go. what can ya do. it’s choosing between various bad options, i could also just wander into the mountains and die, but i’d rather not, and offing myself is Way a hassle, and also would be difficult, same as dying of exposure/dehydration in this middle of nowhere patch of mtns. i might as well try my luck at being in a place where you COULD maybe survive or something, and where i could at least feel like, if i do manage to have any good things happen, i would even possibly want to be in that area and be more comfortable living there. i have no roots anywhere and only have a No Zone (near my parents house) and so its sorta like, pick a random place to be!! lol. ahhhh

what can i say. it also sucks having to think “boy, in addition to not dying, hope i don’t get physically/sexually assaulted—also, how do people get water??” but......such is the way that it is. i don’t know. i don’t think anybody looks at impending homelessness and goes “i’m okay about this and not at all afraid.” and it’s strange to talk about how this is sort of ~by choice~ but it’s not exactly, in that i didn’t choose to only have abusive family and how even though i was working while living in my car it would never have been enough for rent probably even if i had someone to split it with and i also didn’t choose to not be rich in the first place and *the economy...... .png*

sigh. i dunno, it’s hard because i can’t talk about it a right way or long enough and get to a point i don’t feel intimidated or upset that once i Go Offline i’ll for real just be on my own unless and until i manage to get online for a moment again, in which case i’ll still be on my own, but i’ll feel a bit less alone, ha ha

anyways. speaking of trying to appreciate the simple pleasures of talking about whatever weird shit i wanna talk about and pushing myself to draw/write as it feels like it gets even more down to the wire—time to do that! 4 am and time to draw this weird meme & hopefully crank out the rest of this oneshot & maybe even draw again, and maybe again—it’s cool cuz i slept weird the other night and then got again weirdly tired in the afternoon and took a long depression nap w sorta fun, sorta bizarre dreams. augh. so at least i figure i’m just cruisin now, Not Sleeping-wise

i might have to ask a favor eventually in that there’s something really super simple i ought to look up, but i’d have a ton of trouble making myself do so because of anxiety, yknow how it is. but i’ll ask that if and when i ask it

#ugh.....#i feel like it was right before or after xmas when i watched that vid about Will R talking about his film role playing a homeless guy #and he got like seven words into it and like as soon as i processed it i burst into tears lol....RIP #it’s 4 am what’s upppp...more like WHO’S up

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wodenscild · 2 years ago

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Yep the forests here are safe. the only live things there are squirrels, frogs, ducks, trees and a beaver! no real danger ecxept some dogs that can be feral, and those are most likely on a leash. makes it easy to just wander around, on or off the path it doesnt matter! the real danger is the people really, but i dont think you want to hear that-

theres like a mini-war going on over here between ducks and coots, Who gets the lake? not gonna lie i hope the ducks since they came to the lake first.

So theres a lake ight next to my school and theres a little dock with tables where you can eat lunch, but thats boring. the real cool thing about it is that theres a boat that the students are allowed to use! eh yeah maybe someone fell off the boat once- b-but that doesnt matter! its still cool :D

I really like the conversations we are having right now, just long posts isnted of short little one's. Its quite funny how i first went to galaxy, then found fenix and you, still staying at galaxy's blog most of the time, then found birb and just ended up on your blog just chatting!

Oh and if galaxy or fenix see this, Dont think you are safe from the compliemts >:D i will not stop giving ya'll little compliments! remember that can make someone's day much much better!

-Mystery anon (wich you could probarly tell)

ALDKCKDKSKDKSKDOSKDKSKDKSKD I LOVE THAT SO SO MUCH- it sounds like a cuter version of what happens here with possums. They sorta like to hide in roofs & fight each other for dominance & it is really fekking annoying & can really unnerve you if you are by yourself & you wake up to it ij the middle of the night ÓwÒ but other than that they are cute. The wood works students at the highschool here make lil possum houses & place them in the ceilings so they have somewhere to stay <33 sometimes during lunch they would come out & everyone would stop & just stare in awe of it!

ALSO WHAT YOU GUYS GET A BOAT??? YOU GUYS GET TO USE A BOAT WHILE WE ARENT EVEN ALLOWED ON THE OVAL WITHOUT A HAT??? WTF!!! YOU LUCKY BASTARDS I AM SO SO JEALOUS!!!! >:// /pos /lh (I mean granted 1/2 of Australians will develop skin cancer cos of the Sun in their lifetime but still- dkfkskdksk)

& honestly same- I feel like I have a penpal but online when we just have these exchanges! I think it is really sweet & I show my friends these asks & they all agree <33 & YEAH- you would not believe how many of my close friends I know because one of ky other friends introduced us. Like- I started off meeting this one Dane online, we became close friends, I said I was lonely so they added me to their Sanders Sides server, then I meet Fénix there ans we hit it off. I made a joke about not doing something in my Christian Minecraft server, so I sorta made… a Christian Minecraft server for me to enforce my rule on… then he added Galaxy and Birb to it & we sorta have been good friends ever since!! I like tho call this the ✨friend chain✨, & you, dear mystery anon, are the 4th link in this chain! New record actually :D

Also good!! >:] they are in need of a good loving! Don’t forget about Birb too!! They are sweet & beloved & wholesome & AAAAAA ❤️❤️❤️ & deserve some love too ^~^

Ttys!

- Mesabzuzu

#wodensasks

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insomniaticgoblin · 3 years ago

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okay being sick and having one of those ultra-vivid sleep paralysis dreams is not a fun experience - do not recommend - just nope.

I was starting to feel better but tonight i feel like crap, and now even more so and like the world has been tilted on its axis and moved two degrees to the left.

I haven't had an ultra vivid sleep paralysis dream in a while - like, a long while. which is fine, it's good, except it's not because I don't feel good.

the dream was fairly simple but it was like real life mixed with Minecraft - like some parts of the world were real and others were just - Minecraft blocks but in High Definition.

this is a long post so I'm going to put a "keep reading" line below. and sorry if it doesn't make sense. I'm kinda just gonna write it to help ground myself and I don't think I'll bother with rereading it.

the dream started with me playing myself and I was in what was basically a small apartment but I called it a hotel room despite it being connected to some sort of facility - the facility looked like a fancy hotel but it was actually a hospital? idk man, it was weird.

there was some fairly normal stuff going on - just me hanging out in the bedroom area waiting for something. then it jumped to a small get together between staff and patients - tho it was in my room which idk why - I even questioned it in the dream [one of the perks of vivid dreaming]. apparently the get-together was just that - people getting together for an activity - and this activity was watching Minecraft Spongebob explore Minecraft Bikini Bottom, and I mean that literally.

like in my dream, the concept of a Spongebob cartoon existed but it was an MC youtuber-esque person who played this "Spongebob" character that lived in a Minecraft-Bikini Bottom mash up world. It was weird.

anyway, eventually I got tired of socializing after one of the nurses (though she didn't dress in scrubs, she was just in normal clothes) was asking the others if they should hook up the other Nether portal. Apparently, everyone each had their own portal (some had two like myself).

I went back to my bedroom to hang out by myself, as I do, then decided I had to go to the bathroom, as one occasionally has to do. I opened the bathroom door and the first thing I noticed was that it was broken - like someone had kicked it in in order to steal from me. I questioned this. then I questioned the bathroom itself.

it was still a bathroom but it was like the back wall was a greenhouse, but one that had barely survived a bad storm - like a couple windows were broken, there was a tree branch poking through one small section of the greenhouse wall, there were branches piled up on the outside and the plants inside were messed up.

I questioned this because: A) the backwall wasn't a normal solid backwall and was instead a greenhouse wall when I knew it should be a normal backwall; and B) we were several stories above the ground so how in the heck could branches be piled up outside.

then I heard a weird scratching chattery noise, looked up, and saw a red tailed hawk except it had black soulless eyes. It was wrong - bad vibes all around. I noped the fuck outta there and went to my grandpa to tell him that our bathroom door was busted.

he then, like a normal irl adult, was a bit angered ["Who broke our door?! Did someone try to steal from us?!"]. I tried to caution him against going into the bathroom but he burst in anyway, then I tried to tell him about the hawk but he ignored me - or it was more he was like a normal dream person and thought everything was Normal and Not Weird, as dream people often do.

he inspected a corner of the room for damage while I stood in the doorway because hey, bad vibes, ain't going in there again, just nope.

the hawk started moving and making that strange scratching chattery sound, then it got into the room. I tried to tell my grandpa to look out but he ignored me again. then. it changed into a man. except it wasn't a normal human man.

the man was old, ancient even - both in looks and spirit - and he stood like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. his eyes were hallow, just black endless pits that stared right into your soul, judging you. when he spoke, it was low and with a creak like a forest of ancient trees blowing in the wind, but it was also dry like a vast desert under the burning sun and there is no water, no life, for hundreds of miles.

his presence sent chills down my spine. he was just standing there passively and yet, I was terrified.

he spoke to me, told me to follow him, told me there's a place I need to go to, that there's a secret that needs to be uncovered.

I was helpless, I could not disobey.

so, I followed him.

and he led me to an underground canyon - one that was as dark as hit eyes and colder than the vacuum of space. it was a massive ravine with all kinds of resource blocks [Minecraft section of the world now], the most prominent being diamonds - the diamond ore blocks lined the walls of the canyon in groups of 3-6 (on the surface) and they were cast in a gentle glow.

I asked him - where did you bring me? why am I here?

he told me to protect the secret here and that I was chosen specially for the job. he told me to follow and -

I came back to myself in the hallway of the facility, confused and disoriented. I remembered the old man and the canyon but I have no idea why I was there or what he wanted from me. I was also not who I originally was - I was now in the body of another, someone genderless but still human in appearance, and my short brown hair was long and turning grey.

I became distraught over the missing memory and the change in appearance.

two men, both residents of this facility, came up to me and started asking me questions. they were rude, demanding for answers and information about the secrets I've seen, about the canyon.

I questioned how they knew of the canyon and why they wanted to know the secrets of it - my secrets. when they refused to tell me, and then threatened me with violence when I didn't tell them, I broke away from them and ran.

I was scared again, but it wasn't the same type of fear I had felt when the ancient man first revealed himself to me.

I ran into a friend after some time of running through the halls and they walked with me to help calm me down. she didn't question why I looked different, only commented that "this skin is a better fit of your soul."

we eventually crossed paths with one of the councilors employed at the facility, but she wasn't the one I normally visit. she was thin and short, muted tones to both her complexion and hair. she wore a simple grey blouse with a brown pencil skirt. she was quiet, gentle, and her eyes were sad like she'd seen one too many tragedies in all her years of life.

- very unlike my councilor who was vibrant and bubbly. he lived like he didn't have a care in the world, like the world was good and everyone living in it were his friends. his smile rivaled the sun in both brilliance and warmth. his favorite color was the bright green of the slime cubes in Minecraft. [*side note, he actually kinda reminded me of solidaritygaming (minecraft youtuber)] [also, my councilor never appeared in person in the dream, only as a thought and an image in my head]

I was still distraught and had to talk to someone, and it may as well be this other councilor even though I wanted to see mine instead.

the three of us went into her office and she asked me what the problem was, what was bothering me. I couldn't find the words so I started pacing, thinking of how I wanted to word my thoughts. she and my friend sat patiently, waiting.

when I finally found the words, I opened my mouth to speak - I swear I'm not crazy but I had this weird experience from -

my friend interrupted me, apologizing for doing so, and stood. she was cautious, suspicious, and past me to a locker cabinet against the wall. she found a recorder inside and questioned it, why was it here? who's trying to listen in on our conversation?

the councilor was just as questioning and asked for the recorder. she looked it over and found there were several files already on it. she pushed play on the device and we sat around her desk, listening.

the first four files were fairly normal, though, they were broken bits of conversation. the fourth one referenced someone named or nicknamed "Tango". and the fifth one - it was unnerving. the fifth file had two voices - one voice was low in tone and confused, questioning; the second voice was the same person but as if they'd been grinding sand and gravel in their teeth and their throat had been scorched. in both voices of the same man, he spoke in a language not of this world.

the fifth file played to the end and -

I found myself in another time, a different place, but still in the same genderless body, my hair was fully grey now. I felt years older, tired and world-weary but confident and fearless. I was wearing a simple outfit - a black long-sleeved shirt that clung to my skin, dark green denim pants that were a bit loose and tucked into my worn combat boots. it was an outfit that I could fight in.

my friend stood at my side, though she looked different. she had been tall before but now, they barely half my height, and petite. their dark hair was white and they were dressed in a simple silvery blue dress and sandals. their eyes were opened to the secrets of the world.

"this skin fits your soul," I told them. they smiled at me and it was warm, like sunlight streaming down over an open field of wildflowers in spring.

they thanked me and told me that flattery wouldn't get me out of negotiations - we have a job to do and a war to prevent.

[*more Minecraft-Real Life mash up] I agreed and we walked across a barren landscape that reminded me of the bastions of the Nether. Piglin-Human hybrids watched us pass, their eyes narrow and suspicious. we came to a fortress, broken and ancient, made of gilded blackstone.

there, we were led to the owner of the fortress, the ruler of the barren land.

she was in the forge, a good two feet taller than the average man and twice as thick. she was hardened from years of working in the forge, and scarred from the battles she had seen. she wore the traditional outfit that a Minecraft weapon smith wears, and she had soot staining her clothes and skin.

she, unlike her subjects, was human.

we greeted her with blessings and she laughed. she asked us in her rough voice what we thought we were doing here and why she shouldn't run us through with her sword. we told her that we want to bring peace and mend the tears between our kingdoms. [*this is where real me, outside of the dream, is now like "wot" "since when do I have a kingdom?"]

she laughed again, full and hearty. but nonetheless, she agreed to negotiate a peace treaty with us.

- and this is where I woke up. there was a bit with a spa at the end of the dream but I don't really remember it. honestly, this whole dream was kinda weird but it wasn't all-together bad. and I know it seems like it was really long due to the length of this post but the dream itself wasn't very long at all - I was only asleep maybe about an hour.

and when I woke up, I was a bit disoriented, as per usual when I have a vivid dream, but I think after writing this out, I'm doing better. I had some ice cream while writing and I'm not coughing as much which is nice. still a bit sick tho which sucks.

anyway, that's all. I'm gonna go watch some youtube or something. bye!

#dreams #minecraft mentioned #vivid dreams

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peachie-alpaca · 4 years ago

Text

very long post about my experience with therapy and how it affected me, and moving forward from the negative experience

i’ve been going to therapy for almost two years now but i’ve decided to quit it. not quitting therapy in general, but quitting my (now ex) therapist.

because honestly? this therapist didnt have my best interest in mind and it took me a while to realize this.

this is hard for me to talk about but I need to write it out. I wanted to talk about it sooner but I waited until after I actually quit her to since it was so stressful for me to think about. i kept getting anxiety attacks and insecurity about my decision.

but anyway, I really liked this therapist. I really did. she really made me feel understood and I easily got attached to her. even when I would notice little red flags, I ignored them, I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I didn’t quit her because she pushed me to go out of my comfort zone, I certainly did accomplish uncomfortable things and she acknowledged this.

no, what made me quit her was getting to actually know her ideals that conflict with mine, her making me feel unheard. and, at worst, her hypocrisy. i’ll get to that later.

“wait, didn’t you just say she made you feel understood?”

at first, yes. after all, she was my first therapist. practically anyone who would simply listen to my deepest fears and thoughts was great in my book, and I had been dreaming about going to a therapist for years. I knew I needed it.

so when I could finally get into an insurance plan that pays for therapy, I wore rose-tinted glasses towards her.

i didn’t care at first that she... hardly took notes.

at most, during some sessions, i would see her quickly scribble something down at the end. well....

whenever I brought up really important things about myself, she wouldn’t delve into them more or ask questions. she would listen, nod, and get the conversation back to the topic of “what goals do you want to accomplish?”

again, this didn’t bother me at the time, “yeah! sorry to bring up irrelevant things, haha!”

it’s one thing to make progress, it’s another to dismiss big things about myself that are very important to me.

i sort of had a mini epiphany moment when meeting with my psychiatrist for the first time. he asked about my upbringing and i explained it was abusive, then he asked, “are you talking about this with your therapist?”

i whispered “no”....

it’s not that I haven’t told her, i told her almost first session about my family life. but it didn’t lead to anything more than her saying “okay I see, so that was hard for you” then moving on.

i brought this up with her next session, but that didn’t go anywhere, either... said it’s “off topic for the goals we had”

i had also told her that i came from a religious pentecostal borderline culty home, and that i wanted nothing to do with it now and i’m 1000% atheist. i don’t believe in the god of the bible or any gods for that matter. and i made this very clear to her that it is a trauma of mine. this was a whole process i went through in the past years and came to a head in the beginning of 2019, when i finally accepted myself as bisexual and atheist.

so for her to say to me, when i was sad and anxious about my grandma’s declining health, “I know you said you aren’t a christian anymore, but you’re still a spiritual person and i want to know how that is helping you in coping with your grandmother possibly passing away?”

what?

i felt so shocked that she described me that way, i wanted to cry. “spiritual”? i am hardly the type, even when I was christian. this completely took me aback, and i corrected her shortly afterwards. she apologized and reworded herself but i just... i couldn’t get over it.

had she not listened to me one bit? I even told her about how i joined a discord server last year specifically for ex-religious people to come together for support.

but i was insecure... i didn’t want to think i had a “bad therapist”

"i guess no therapist has super memory right? who cares if she got a few things wrong...."

i was never afraid to be open and honest when she hurt my feelings. i did feel safe enough to tell her my real thoughts, which i appreciate from her. on multiple occasions when i took things she said the wrong way, i would tell her.

for example, when she said she was upset when i wasn’t honest with her about a choice (which i later told the truth anyway so...), or when i felt she didn’t take my menstrual pain serious, or when she made me feel like i was making excuses with my depression.

those conflicts cleared up and i understood she didn’t mean harm, but they stayed at the back of my mind. there are a lot more instances like that where certain things she said lowkey made me skeptical of her, but i’m not trying to write a novel. I wrote them down in my phone notes tho, haha.

it wasn’t all negative, she did help me with skills of thinking outside the box. i could feel that my time with her, i had developed skills that help me not think so negative about the smallest things, relating to my social anxiety. she helped me on how to feel grounded and get some wider perspective of interactions outside myself.

this is why it took me so long to realize she wasn’t good for me, because she wasn’t the cliché obviously terrible therapist. she wasn’t blatantly awful. i question her practices but maybe someone else can benefit from it, idk.

what finally made me quit her for good and realize that she is actually doing more harm than good, was when she wanted to diagnose me with a personality disorder, despite her saying she cannot diagnose me with a personality disorder because i have depression.

when earlier in the year i said i was very concerned that i had a different personality disorder, she just insisted that while yes i have traits, no i didn’t have it, that i’m depressed so she cannot diagnose me with it.

(i’m not going to say which personality disorders since that’s a bit too personal for me to get into, so they’re just 1 and 2.)

i find this extremely unethical and hypocritical.

i questioned her on this and brought it up myself.

“you said you couldn’t diagnose me with 1, even though you yourself admitted i have traits of it, and i identify with it way more than 2, so why can you diagnose me with 2 and not 1? I thought you couldn’t diagnose personality disorders because i have depression?”

she nervously said, “yes, technically i cannot do that, but i strongly feel you have 2 instead of 1. I know this, I know you.”

i did not say anything, and just looked away from her. the air in that room was so unnerving and.... i can’t describe more how i felt.

after that session, to tell you the truth, i avoided her for weeks. i made excuses and told her i needed to reschedule a day or two before each session. i was procrastinating quitting her, also because I needed some paperwork from her before I quit.

but i finally did it, this week. i knew i couldn’t just disappear. besides me not wanting to be billed for missing appointments, i’m not the type that doesn’t give closure. it’s understandable if people do if their therapist did something extremely offensive or illegal, but for some reason i just felt it had to be done in a conclusive way. idk. maybe i didn’t need to do that.

it was short and uncomfortable, i cried. a part of me was a little girl, wanting things to be fixed and that “this is a bad ending! lets just make up and try again! we did that before, why can’t we now?”

i hushed her in my mind, and said, as a mature adult, “this is for our own good. this has to be done.”

i didn’t get into my huge problem with her about the personality diagnosis, which i regret. I just wanted the session to end as quickly as possible. i mainly told her i felt extremely disrespected and that we just aren’t a good fit for each other. that’s what all the articles about therapy say, right? that you have to be a good fit with your therapist?

i felt so empty afterwards, and this experience honestly leaves me anxious for my next therapist. i feel scared to open up only for them to be something i thought they weren’t...

i want to find a good therapist, i’m just kind of doubtful of it... it was hard enough to find an english speaking therapist. as you might know, i live in germany. even though i’m learning german, i feel more comfortable speaking my native language, which makes sense right?

i’ll keep trying, i won’t lose hope...

#personal

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