#for real ive been having a panic attack for 2 days i think idk its either that or im going to die

[sibmakesart]

[mugiwara--ya]

I've been applying to jobs like crazy for months and months and months and every interview feels like this time its finally gonna happen and when it doesn't i just feel this crushing fucking hopelessness and i try not to get discouraged and stay positive etc but. god.

right now im super sick and i took the day off to rest and i keep feeling guilty that im not using every waking second to look for a job. i feel like i should start taking commissions but i KNOW i cant commit to it. i could work on graphic design but they fucking kicked me out of school after nearly 2 goddamn years of them wasting my time so i dont even have a degree and i dont even want to look at my apps n tools most days bc of the sheer fucking burn out im in. i could post the tons n tons of finished art i got collecting dust on my folders and maybe maybe maybe get some tips from it but i simply cannot move past my anxiety so i just dont. i wanna do so much stuff but im paralyzed bc my absolute priority is to find a job that can get me out of here and i literally cannot think of anything else. i feel ungrateful all the goddamn time bc at least i dont have to worry about food bills and a roof over my head.

i am 28 years old and 100% dependent on my family. i don't and WON'T have a degree. i'm chronically ill. i've been on psych meds for about a year and while mentally ive literally never been better, i'm dealing with the consequences of 27 years of untreated adhd, undiagnosed autism, several mental illnesses, plus extremely fresh and violent trauma from the massive fires where i live and i keep fucking having nightmares and panic attacks over it and its been like two months and i'm so fucking tired. i have next to no work experience and my last "real" job was on 2015 so i have to bullshit my way through interviews and so far no one has fucking called me back.

im just complaining rn bc fuck its getting real fucking dark over here but rn im just worried sick about my partners. they're living together at the moment and they can barely get by. i already reblogged their donation posts and i'll make one linking to them just for idk reach or whatever so please if you read til here wait for that post to go up and please please please help them so at least i can have that peace of mind, if nothing else.

[partytricks]

young royals s3 thoughts (SPOILERS!!!!)

- first and foremost i think they tried to fit waaaayy too many things into this season. it feels like they wrote two seasons worth of content and instead of trying to cut plotlines that were unimportant to the overall narrative, they just said fuck it lets do them all. and it...did not work

- LOVE the idea of wille's speech having repercussions outside of wilmon and the royal family, and i love that the hazing was addressed, but again the whole reveal about erik and august felt like it was just thrown in to have sympathy for august and to lead to wille's breakdown at the bday dinner (which like...he had more than enough reason to do already). i do like the idea of erik actually being fucked up behind the scenes, but i wish they would have hinted at it in season 2 or something instead of just dropping it out of nowhere. idk

- WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THEY FORGOT ABOUT WILLE HAVING ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS UNTIL THE LAST COUPLE EPISODES???? his anxious habits and the physical toll that stress takes on him were pretty consistently shown in the first two seasons and then suddenly not a thing until the halfway point???????? like idk something about that really bothered me. my one big hope for this season was that wille would get to address his panic attacks but it seems like theyre just not gonna acknowledge it, which i guess is true to real life anxiety it's just something you live with, but it was teased to be such a crucial thing about wille that im a little disappointed its not getting explored

- wilmon cannot communicate to save their lives and i feel like neither of them are ready to be in a relationship. they have a good dynamic and you can tell they care about each other, but they never look at issues from a dual perspective, only as an individual. and then when they call each other out they just get defensive. i think they only want the lovey dovey fun part of a relationship, and they cant accept the fact that things WILL go wrong and they have to work through it TOGETHER

- ive seen a lot of people say that wille got really mean out of nowhere this season and i kind of disagree?? yes, his aggression is def at the forefront of almost all his scenes, but we've seen in the past two seasons that he doesnt know how to deal with stress and takes frustration out on other people. it's just that now he's constantly stressed and therefore on a hair trigger. is it right of him?? no. but does it make sense?? yeah, for me at least

- i HATE that wille's anxiety is constantly pushed aside because it "isnt princely" but the MINUTE that kristina has mental health issues she gets to step back from her duties and see a therapist, get meds, etc... now to clarify, i hate it because wille deserves better and its so hypocritical. i LOVE that it was included in the story because you really get to see plain as day just how much wille's family does not give a shit about him. he was so worried about his mom because he knows what it feels like and wants to be there for her when she never was for him, but she cant even make eye contact with him. and his dad is no better. that scene where wille calls to ask about erik and his dad just goes "yeah i cant think of any of erik's flaws he was perfect" EVEN IF YOU THINK THAT YOU DONT SAY IT TO YOUR OTHER KID???? who, to wille's point, is CURRENTLY YOUR ONLY SON.

- simon dealt with a lot of shit this season, and he was right to be scared of wille during his blowup at the royals, but CALL ME CRAZY i think he couldve waited until like, idk, the NEXT DAY?? to breakup with him???? yes, wille has been an ass to simon this season and taking family drama out on him, thats not cool, but striking while the iron is hot is an AWFUL idea. bring it up while wille is in a more rational headspace and not as riled-up. like simon my bby i was with you til then

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

Hi, some things have been going on lately that i wanted some clarity on. So when i was age 6 or 7, i was raped. I didn’t remember it for about a decade apart from the flashbacks i’d get with no visual memory, and truthfully im still doubting the memory and am still not sure it is real but i have decided to at least try to believe myself because it has been affecting me a lot lately, i started thinking more about it and honestly since i remembered it like over a year ago not one day has gone by in which i dont think about it, its my first thought when i wake up—literally, im pretty sure it’s a subconscious thing because i dont think in the first 2 seconds of me being shook awake I’d willingly remember and think about this purposefully. Either way, lately ive been seeing my abuser less (and when i see him less i start remembering more idk if that makes sense or is a thing) but when i when i sat near him the other day i started sweating pretty badly despite the ac being right on me, i got insanely nauseous and when my cousin touched my shoulder while we sat near him i almost threw up and felt like crawling out of my skin, the touch and him being there all together made me tear up and i had to move. Also since i started remembering more and being affected more by it (for some reason? It comes and goes?) i begun having what i believe would be called nervous tics, and these ONLY happen when im actively having flashbacks or really thinking about it, mostly really bad twitching, shaking and head jerking. Now my questing is could all these be related to my memory? Sure he abused me physically and emotionally too so im not sure which abuse these are a response to but these only happen when im experiencing things and remembering the SA, not the other kinds of abuse…. I hope this wasn’t a mess of a question, thank you

Hello,

So it does make sense that having more access to memories and/or more flashbacks would cause you distress you might not have had before. And even more so when we are more aware of our trauma we can notice more things about our reactions.

Shaking and other physiological reactions can be part of flashbacks, panic attacks and other reactions we experience high arousal from trauma triggers. And when you think heavily about the abuse you can trigger your nervous system into an overstressed space.

It makes sense that having access to the memories would shift memories of abuse, which are often fragmented and can shift in how consciously aware of the situations people are.

Your reaction to being around your abuser is a pretty clear example of being triggered. Feeling physically ill, up to throwing up, is a known response to being triggered.

Remembering and having easier access to memories when no longer consistently in a situation with the abuser can happen and is logical. The dissociative barriers that section off traumatic memories which cause traumatic amnesia can lessen both when re-traumatized and when trauma is less prominent.

It also isn't incredibly important when first starting to manage trauma response to know exactly which trauma certain reactions come from. You can work that out over time.

You're going through extremely hard things, but you are not strange many people have gone through things. And you can recover.

Some articles that might be helpful:

Coping Skills Masterposts: Panic Attacks, Flashbacks & Dissociation

Informational Article: Define Trauma

Symptom Explainers: Flashbacks

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

[noxiatoxia]

hi its me the dead anon and i would like to share that maybe 2 nights ago i was up rlly late. and i was figuring out what i was going to write back to ur last response to my other ask when i got really tired

in my strange sleep deprived state i was hit with 'inspiration' and opened google docs. within a matter of a couple hours, from 1-2 am, i wrote a pages long fic where kaoru kills himself and hikaru was so upset and made myself cry so hard i passed out.

when i woke up i looked at it and it really wasn't that good?? but at the same time it was and it made me cry again so. theres that. if you were wondering what ive been doing instead of responding

anyway very sorry about dying. ive really wanted to send u asks but ive been stressed out so im not great at coming up with hcs. very uninspired (besides my weird kaoru suicide fic but. yk)

maybe this says something about my current mental state. maybe not. idk

NOOOOOOOOO HAHSJSOKDFJ I SHOULDNT LAUGH BUT THE IDEA YOU WOKE UP FROM A HALF AWAKE DAZE AND WERE LIKE "FUCK I GOTTA WRITE KAORU KILLING HIMSELF" CRIED, THEN PASSED OUT IS SUCH A FUNNY MENTAL IMAGE.

But like I GET IT!!! same shit happens to me. I'm about to sleep but inspo STRIKES and I HAVE to get it on paper. It actually happened last night... Idk if I'll turn the idea into a full fic I'll post but it was a comedic concept nonetheless

The idea of one of the twins dying always kills me bc it's like... SO fucking sad.... the heartbreak is too much for me... i like happy endings... But like, I get it. Sometimes you just gotta write super depressing stuff. I have before.

The idea tho of one of the twins having a nightmare abt the other dying... Oughh. Like some super vivid nighmare that has one of them bolting up in bed panting on the verge of tears, immediately seeking the other twin and hurriedly waking them up to make sure they're still alive.

Like for example, maybe Hikaru waking up a month after Kaoru had his really bad depressive episode that scared the shit out of him. In his nightmare though...things don't have such a happy ending. And Kaoru does what he worried so much about every night in that dream, and he loses his little brother, and it feels so real.

Hikaru wakes up with a really startled jolt and is on the verge of a panic attack. His first immediate course of action is to turn around and nearly shake Kaoru off the bed, panickedly saying his name.

Kaoru of course wakes up sleepy and confused, barely awake as Hikaru begins to squeeze the air out of him with a bear hug. He's mumbling some things Kaoru can't piece together in his tired state, but Kaoru can tell he's really upset...so he just holds Hikaru and sleepily mumbles some reassuring things to him, and it does make Hikaru feel better, just to hear him alive and well...

Also since I'm a sucker for close physical affection between the twins I like to think Hikaru sometimes kisses Kaoru on the cheek. He did it more when they were younger, but he still does it I think under special occasions. I think this would be one of them... He was just so broken up in his dream and it scared him so so badly, so as Kaoru is stroking his hair lazily and sleepily murmuring reassurances to him, Hikaru sniffling as he's trying NOT to burst into tears, he kisses Kaoru on the cheek. Kaoru makes a small confused noise because he isn't expecting it, but he gives Hikaru a kiss back. He basically ends up passing out after that bc he's barely awake as is but Hikaru stays up long after that, holding Kaoru and just listening to his steady, deep breaths and resting heartbeat. Just taking in the fact his brother is still here and alive.

He eventually falls asleep once dawn begins to filter through the curtains.

Also it's okay for not sending asks!!! Life is tough and busy. Your health & happiness is far more important!!! I really love your hikakao and ouran asks in general they are my day's highlight. But I'm here if you just want to send general asks about whatever :) DMs are always open too!

[toonbly]

🌻

ive been like. weirdly nostalgic for hlvrai lately

like its only been abt 2 or 3 months since i stopped regularly making art for it and i still wanna finish my projects for it, had to take a break from the fandom bc it was genuinely Destroying my mental health but like. idk i miss the early days of the fandom yknow!! whenever it was a tightnit circle and the ask blogs were a New thing and people were just throwing silly little ideas back n forth and when the commentary streams happened live and everyone would spam the tags with all the cool new shit we learned

LIKE yeah all fandoms have their bad apples but still it was kinda sad to see it all go downhill. its a small one i know but hlvrai gave me my first real Audience to share mt stories with and art with and im grateful for that!!! i love hlvrai n stuff still and im thankful for it but yknow. its not the same

once im able to pick up gamechanger and cascade crowns without having panic attacks and finish up their stories i think thatll be a good time to say goodbye to hlvrai for a bit for me. maybe if hl2vrai is a thing ill come back but all i wanna do now is tell the stories i wanna tell and move on to new ones!!

[socialistsooner420]

ok i gotta slow down

i accidentally overmedicated myself with my focalin. not too much, dont worry, im not even prescribed a proper amount for an adult (which is a whole other can of worms i'll get into) and i only took one extra. ive done way more uppers than this, ill be ok i just need to do a little ramble here so i can slow down and vent

i took an extra bc i panicked and just felt overwhelmed by the amount of chores n shit i needed to catch up on from not having meds the past two weeks and living in a literal garbage pile

my psych wont up my dosage because she thinks its illegal?? but like... im on the lowest dosage possible, twice a day, instant release. i've been on it for over a year, and she can absolutely up the dosage. i used to have extended release prescription (god i miss those so much but i couldnt afford $165 a month plus my other meds ugh) and just one was 2 times stronger than the current dosage of my instant releases. so?????? why the fuck

all yall ppl who say "be honest with yr psychs!!!!" hahahahahaahaahaha they lie to me why tf would i be honest to them? especially when in the times i have been "honest" its actively harmed my treatment

like, do yall not understand how hard it is to get medication when your doctor doesnt even believe in the specific illness affecting you??

ive literally been told to "pray the anxiety away". i left that doc after one appointment. but thats just a PRIME example of why being "honest" just dont work here

ive been misdiagnosed and mismedicated all while my doctors just wouldn't listen to what the fuck i was saying and that i was dealing with and wanted to just use the "textbook conditions". and agoraphobia isn't well researched, because, well..... thats pretty much our biggest fear. being observed. being open with strangers. so its not really a "textbook condition".

its a complex issue that is different in every agor because it's usually induced by individual trauma, and its not a "societal/behavioral" illness and therefore not really something to "fix" with just meds. meds absolutely help. but since its not a "behavioral" illness, its not "as urgent of an illness" and i need to focus on my "REAL PROBLEMS" of anxiety and depression

which?????? what the fuck does "behavioral" even MEAN???? agoraphobia absolutely is behavioral, i cant fucking leave my house by myself, and BARELY with trusted people since ive regressed so bad due to covid panic. it effects my daily life and my "real issues" of anxiety and depression are actually fucking SYMPTOMS OF AGORAPHOBIA.

i will give credit where credit is due, but doctors (esp psychs) are NOT magical gods of medical knowledge that people hold them to be. living with a nurse ive learned that doctors are actually pretty fucking dumb and that they're really just "management/public relations" in hospitals. ive had a lot of bad experiences with doctors. so no i do not just trust them and tell them everything, they've probed to me countless times that they're not listening anyway.

and the reason why i put quotes around "honest" is because im not lying to them, but

idk how y'all's psych appointments go, but mine are literally just this conversation

"hi! how are you doing today?"

eh. im surviving haha

"hahaha yeah we all are. any panic attacks?"

ohhhh yeah hahahaha. plenty.

"oh! okay well lets move on, how is your add?"

i cant really focus on anything for more than like an hour but... at least i get that hour?

"well ya gotta just take the time ya got to do what ya need! how about the depression?"

well, i can barely leave my bedroom, which is covered in garbage because i cant go outside to take them to the trash and thats pretty depressing

"hahaha awww, im sorry to hear that. well, im sending your prescriptions to the pharmacy, see ya next month!"

i dont even have an opportunity to be honest. its so fast.

i dont want to have to find a new doctor because ive literally had to fight tooth and nail to find someone who would prescribe me anything that can actually HELP me, aka my vallium, which is a hell of a lot more difficult to get than any other fucking benzo for some reason???? the only others ive been prescribed was xanx, kpins. xanx is nice but its too temporary. its for when you're having an anxiety attack, not for general anxiety like valium is. and kpins?? mannnnnn FUCK KLONOPIN THAT SHIT DID NOTHIN.

idk i guess rant over for now thanks for not reading this long dumb post where i cry about not being properly medicated and being actively neglected & abused by doctors who literally don't believe in agoraphobia & refuse to acknowledge its existence or the consequences it has on both my mental state and my physical state.

[dreammutual-remade]

idol!you and lucas

request: please do a bullet scenario about lucas and his gf both being sm idols - anon

word count: 2.6k 

a/n: first of all,,,, this gif hurts me badly, seCOND OF ALL im so sorry for the inactivity !!  I have finals this week and I graduate really soon n ive just been v busy !!! also I had hella writers block trying to finish this ish up but I hope u like it anon !!!!its a lil hard for me to write as an idol just because thats such a Wildt lifestyle but I did my best ily

warnings: cursing n also some crying because god knows all of our boys prolly have during their idol days :(((((((

what’s up butter cup

let’s dive tf in

as a pre-warning thingy i’m making you a singer so i’m very sorry if you can’t sing i can’t either bby

alright so this story begins when you’re not even 16 years old and you audition for a bunch of companies

tbh you didn’t think you were /that/ good at singing or dancing but ???

all the companies wanted you??? you got offers from JYP and SM and Pledis ????? go off queen

we stan

anyways

you decide to go with SM since they produced leGENDS SHINEE

FUCK I LOVE THOSE GUYS

(binch if u went to JYP u literally could have been in TWICE ?!?/&.&. ABSOLUTE LEGENDS UR LOSS THOT)

also because you just think that’ll be best for you ?? idk we don’t judge here (i already did though i’m So Sorry)

on your first day as a trainee you’re in search of the female dorms and you just can’t find them

eventually you run into this,,,, Gang Of Adolescent Boys

they’re wearing dorky ass muscle tees and keep saying shit about “foreign swaggers”

(.... y’all already know who it is sjdkdkd)

and you’re Meek and New and Small so you’re like um, hellowherearethegirlsdormsplease

okay there’s four of them and they’re all fckin huge except for one

the Biggest One with the american accent points you in the right direction and you try to scurry away but end up smacking into the Second Biggest One’s arm because he moved in your way on accident ouchie

“god lucas why don’t you just run the poor girl over”

“hYUNG PLEASE”

“hehehhehe i’m just kiddin”

and you just kind of mumble that it’s fine and go on your way

okay so you train for three yEARS before your debut

and you def come out of your shell alright like you’re Extroverted and whatnot

you still see those boys and even make friends with mark and donghyuck and the Foreign Members

but the entirety of the group you met has debuted except Lucas

you’re not close but you wave and say hi when you see each other

you turn pink everytime from Emotions and also Holding Your Breathe Due To Anxiety

and he was cute years ago but he’s only gotten prettier with age dude

they recently dyed his hair to give him some Blonde Stuff and he looks reaLLY GOOD

LIKE TO THE POINT WHERE U HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE

but eventually you’re like hey now i’m a grown woman i can handle this giant childish man !!! quit that @ emotions

alright so you debut like, days before him no lie

you’re a solo artist bc idk

red velvet was full 😔🤟

anyways you’ve been filming the video for the past couple weeks and the concept is sort of filmy and shimmery like old sparkly anime water u kno ?

and you’re wearing similar stuff to what ten was wearing in the new heroes mv (BIG OOF) except less warm toned ?

like swishy sort of see through white shirts and spandex underneath

you’re a Beautiful and Skilled dancer so they have u all over the place with this choreo

on the FLOOR on the WALL in the AIR

no joke they had you in a harness doing cool swirly shit in the air this is the stuff of legends my g

but like the inside of SM ? is very cold

if you’re not filming you’re bundled up in a blanket and trying to rub the goosebumps out of your arms and legs

because you have to look all smooth and flawless for filming and those are two things goosies are not

luckily the song wasn’t a huge ballad because it’s rather hard to belt out long ass notes when you’re upside down lmao

anyways, the song is a bop and the mv is beautiful and you are wearing minimal clothing and although these are all nice things but also

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

the filming is almost done thank GOD

you’re taking a break from filming and you go out in the hall in your costume to go get another water bottle because ain’t nobody around to give a pre debut thot a water bottle 🤧🤧

your arms are wrapped around yourself when lucas jogs up behind you and throws his jacket around you??

literally throws it like you made an oof noise

“um ,? thank you that was aggressive”

“i knOw i’m sorry it’s just you are practically naked and it’s Cold in here and also walking behind you i noticed you were Very Exposed sO”

you turn bright red because that means everyone has seen your ass prolly and you duck your head and pull the jacket tighter around yourself

“oh! i’m sorry i mean you look uhh? really good ?? yeah you look good nOT that i was looking super hard or anything or that i uH saw aNything BUt if i did it would look good i’m sure nOT THAT I thInK about that ?$/&/“

and now you’re both blushing very hard but you feel a little better when you see he’s just as flustered as you

you brush your fingers on his forearm to get him to stop staring at the floor and tell him thanks and ask about when he’s debuting

he tells you the mv filming is done since they had to go Real Far Away to do it and get it done ahead of time and that the teasers will be out in three weeks and then the mv release and then its Show Time Baby

you’re excited for him and he’s excited and you debut really soon as well and he’s excited for you and !!!!!

there’s excitement all over the place

he’s smiling so big and his eyes are cute and crinkly and :(((((

you still got a crush on him /sigh/

one of the staff literally yells your name down the hall and you’re like aw shit that’s my cue lol

you leave him with with a lil squeeze of his bicep and you’re BOTH shook

him because ?? was that fLIRTING

you because ?? THAT WAS FLIRTING

also because his biceps are thicc i’m gonna cry

big baby stands there for like 3 mins just shook and with uwus oozing from his pores

you skrt very quickly to avoid the consequences of your actions and get back to filming

okay TIME SKIP

your mv was released and did GOOD AS FUCK

you didn’t hear it from me but lucas + nct boys were seen on vlive jamming the fuck out to your song

you’re backstage like 10 mins from going on and having an absolute panic attack

what if you trip ??? or your voice breaks !!:&::

what if all the reviews say you’re Trash live and that the mv was better since they edited

what if you FLOP AND HAVE NO FANS

NO ONE DOES THE FANCHANTS

FUCK FUXKFUCKFUXKCUDJ

so you do call the king of debuts

mark lee

and you’re like mARK FUCK IM GOING TO CRASH AND BURN PLEAS LLSSE DHELPD ME

he tells you to Calm The Fuck Down and assures you it’ll be fine but it’s not working and mark is but a young boy he don’t know how to deal with FEMALES

you hear some deep ass voice on the other side ask who’s on the phone and mark says your name and then the voice is closer and deMANDING to be given the phone

u already kno it’s our boy yukhei

he can hear you gasping through the phone and having a mental breakdown and immediately makes his voice all low and soft

wow i’m , affected writing this shit

“hey, y/n, listen to me, you’re okay, you’re fine. i promise it’ll be okay.”

“bUT WHAT IF I-“

“you won’t. you’ve worked too hard and practiced too much. i know you i saw you do it. do NOT let all of that go down the drain. you can do this. now get your cute ass out there and take NO SHIT”

“i know but i am, scared”

“don’t be! this is what you love isnt it?”

“i mean,,,, yeah”

“and you want to do this more than anything don’t you?”

“well , yeah”

“then for gods sake don’t be a wimp and do it”

“hey i miss the part of this conversation where you were being nice to me”

“that part’s over babe you need some TOUGH LOVE now please for me and for yourSELF get out there”

“okay.. thanks lucas”

“anything for you, angel”

yOU HANG UP SO QUICK

how dare he

you were all Comforted but then he went on with that angel bullshit

okay long story short you ended the industry dude

all solo artists BOW BEFORE YOU

VOCAL QUEEN

DANCE QUEEN

lucas: shaking because His Angel did so well and you were wearing white and actually looked like an angel

but you don’t see him for the next like twO MONTHS because he’s promoting boss and you’re promoting your single and neither of you are home ever

when you do get a second to yourself you try to send him an encouraging text but

you seldom get a second to yourself :(((

he does the same thing and they’re so sweet :(

“good morning i hope u slept well !!”

“princess don’t forget 2 hydrate”

“i saw ur mnet performance u looked beautiful <333”

this man is practically begging you to wife him up i mean

he’s cute

he’s BIG and WARM

very sweet to you :(

talented and lovely

absolute dweeb

supportive of you even from great distances

BEST BOY UWU

you try to be just as encouraging back because he deserves it UGH

“bub don’t forget to eat i know ur hungry rn”

“!!!!!! you came foR MY LUNGS WITH THAT CENTER DANCE AT THE END BOI”

“why are u sending me messages u need to rest bby :((“

when things calm down though you,, see each other

he doesn’t formally ask you out and you don’t say anything but, youre dating sort of kind of

as idols you’re both still so so busy and you JUST debuted so neither of you are really allowed to date anyways

you settle for little bits of cuddling and secret touches as you pass each other in the hall

you both stand outside of your respective dorms at night to facetime without waking your dorm mates

he desperately wants to go on dates and do Normal Couple things but there’s no time :(

the most affectionate you’ve ever been is when the girl group who shares a dorm with you was out promoting and you had him over and you took a nap together :((((

he Insisted upon being the big spoon and basically wrapped your whole body up with his limbs

pressed a few lil kisses to the back of your neck and your shoulder when he thought you were asleep

you weren’t though and you turned around to kiss him on the cheek and then tuck your face into his neck and pass tf out

he has to leave though because mark texts him and is like YO I KNO UR WITH Y/N AND HER ROOMMATES ARE ON THE WAY HOME

ABORT MISSION DUDE

and that’s pretty much it :(

months pass without much between you even though you’re trying your best

and even though you live in dorms you’re still so lonely especially when you’re traveling because you don’t have any group members

you don’t want to annoy or worry lucas though so you don’t complain

he notices though and late at night he’ll call you while you’re in bed and talk about his day and how he misses you and wishes you were there

and when you get all emo he says he’ll be waiting for you at the airport

(he really does he goes and hides in the bathroom and texts you so you can go in there and TACKLE HIM)

he still calls you angel all the time :((((

god that’s another weakness of mine ??? IM SUCH A WUSS

but it has specifically changed to “my angel”

uwu

your first kiss and first Real Confession happens on the Worst Day Of Your Life

you’re about to go on stage (you’ve released an album since your debut so this is new stuff) when you get a call from your mom ??

she’s crying and tells you your grandma is sick and in the hospital and it’s really bad

immediately you’re barely holding yourself together because that woman half raised you and was the reason you stayed in dance and worked so hard to become who you are today

there are tears streaming down your face already and the makeup team is fluttering around you trying to fix what you’re messing up and it’s bad

you still have to go on though so you go and perform with tears in your eyes and your manager yells at you after for not pulling it together

you go home in tears and then you’re not looking where you’re going and ran straight into a staff who yells at you some more for being some entitled idol brat

originally you weren’t gonna say anything to lucas but, the staff pushed you over the edge and you call him in tears and are incoherent and can barely tell him where you are before you hang up

our boy BURSTS into your room and sees you sitting on the floor with your face buried in your knees and 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 !!

he gathers you in his arms and sits on the bed with you curled up on his lap

he holds you close and rubs a comforting hand up and down your back at the same time as he frantically tries to figure out what’s wrong

“y/n?? baby what’s wrong? angel, please you gotta tell me or i cant help”

“i jjJJUST Got a cALL and my grandMA IS SICK AND THEN I DI D BAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND My mManageR yeYELLED at me and theN I RAN iNtO a staffF meMbEr and he yELled at me too and I JSUT .$:&:&;& i’m sO SORRY u doNT need to deAL WIYH ME you have problems of YouR own and-“

“shhh listen to me i always care about you okay? angel, i want to help you no matter what you know that. also, if you weren’t so distraught i would go beat some SM ass you didn’t deserve to be yelled at :(((( how about we call your mom and check for updates with your grandma and i’ll stay here with you for the night?”

you nod and then reach for your phone while keeping as much physical contact with lucas as possible

he’s the only reason you haven’t reached the Depression Point Of No Return so

we stayin close

you put your mom on speaker and set your phone down before squishing yourself back into his chest and sniffling while the phone rings

your mom answers and you shakily ask for any updates and she tells you not much but your grandma has improved and they think that within a couple weeks she’ll be better

you cry some more and tell her you love them both and you’re so relieved and lucas kisses the crown of your head and is just There For Comforting

once you hang up and you’ve calmed down a little more you back up a little and turn to face him

“hey thank you so much, you didn’t have to come and help me so much but you’ve always been there to make me stop Freaking Out and laugh and i just, love you. yeah that’s what it is. I LOVE YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, WONG YUKHE-“

he cuts you off by snatching your face in his big warm hands and kissing you right on the lips

he then kisses your nose and your forehead and pulls you back into his lap to tuck you under his chin

“it’s all for you, angel ;)))) i love you more”

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[atttaboy]

TRUTHS TAG

thanks for tagging me angel @jetfx!!

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. at the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

LAST:

drink: water phone call: my sister text message: to austin “why is britta selling diet coke with brown hair” song you listened to: bad boy by red velvet obviously bitch!!!! time you cried: uh on saturday i had panic attack lmao

HAVE YOU EVER:

dated someone twice: no been cheated on: yes kissed someone and regretted it: lmao most definitly lost someone special: eh.. been depressed: yes been drunk and thrown up: absolutely jkfshkjgh

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

made a new friend: yes fallen out of love: no met someone who changed you: no found out who your true friends are: i got like one and a half friends found out someone was talking about you: idk lmao

GENERAL:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: none do you have any pets?: 2 cats, whomst r my children,,, do you want to change your name?: no what time did you wake up this morning: 4:30am what were you doing last night: i played fallout 4 n then went to sleep name something you cannot wait for: f(x) comeback tbh have you ever talked to a person named tom?: yes, my old bosses’ boss was named tom n i worked there for 5 years and he never remembered me every time he came into the store.. what’s getting on your nerves right now: not really anything? blood type: i literally do not know lmao nickname: either jess or they just call me by my last name really relationship status: been a relationship for 3 years zodiac sign: leo pronouns: she/her favorite show: bobs burgers college: im working on getting back in after 4 years hair color: dark faded brown to blonde ombre, naturally light brown do you have a crush on someone: kang seulgi.. what do you like about yourself: im very realistic n logical, but also im fuckin hilarious

FIRSTS:

first surgery: mouth surgery when i was 15, i had an impacted tooth in the roof of my mouth first piercing: none first sport you joined: soccer, nd i hated it first vacation: we went to disney world when i was 3 so i dont remember it first pair of sneakers: yall rly think im gonna remember this

RIGHT NOW:

eating: im abt to go nuke a hot pocket drinking: water i’m about to: go get that hot pocket listening to: some show on hgtv because its too early for anything good to be on want kids: maybe? idk get married: within the next couple of years for sure career: ive always had an interest in different types of design, but im going to school for video game design

WHICH IS BETTER:

lips or eyes: eyes hugs or kisses: hugs shorter or taller: talle troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant older or younger: older romantic or spontaneous: it doesnt really matter to me sensitive or loud: sensitive hookup or relationship : relationship

HAVE YOU EVER:

kissed a stranger: no drank hard liquor: yes,,, regrettably lost contacts/glasses: no sex on first date: technically........i didnt date two of the guys ive slept with so broken someone’s heart: i dont think so.. been arrested: no turned someone down: absolutely fallen for a friend: i have gotten crushes on my friends but the only one i fell for was my current bf

DO YOU BELIEVE:

in yourself: depends on the day miracles: no love at first sight: no but i do believe in soulmates

im not tagging 25 ppl lmao so @pcyhater @nut4zyx @twinksuho @pcys1 @bbhsthighs  @renjunhui n @lesbt21

[stardusstt]

1-10 😚

1. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is. I am single at the moment, and i actually really love it. I like having time for me and my friends and not having to worry about a guy. I like having crushes on guys and not having to be like “uh oh i like this other guy a little whoops” maybe i just had a horrible demonic presence as a bf but idk lol.

2 .Where you’d like to be in 10 years. in ten years ill be 30 lmao and honestly don’t wanna think about that. but hopefully ill have a good job? lol i want to live in california

3. Your views on drugs and alcohol.  i used to be a total stick in the ass (is that an expression) about drugs and alcohol, but now idc. I smoke weed socially and drink all the time. But like it opens your mind to other things, like i feel so much more comfortable with myself. I feel like i can talk freely about anything to anyone.

4. Your views on religion.  since my dad died i haven’t been very religious, even before then we never went to church. It was just always a thing, like God is there. and I’m not blaming my beliefs on the fact that my dad died, i know it has no real correlation. religion has never played a huge role in my life, and when my dad died i feel like any of what i had got thrown out the window, i started making bad decisions and coped in all the wrong ways, but I’ve made it through that. I really don’t know what i believe in, but i will never push anyones beliefs away, I’m open to them, if that makes any bit of sense.

5.  A time you thought about ending your own life. theres actually been quite a few times, mostly in my past. its funny i used to think i wanted to kill myself because my dad died, but now i realize it was what happened after that that made me feel that way. i mean i was already suffering from depression and then this kid keeps telling you “everyone dies, death is okay its okay to want to kill yourself or hurt yourself” and then manipulate me into doing promiscuous things in school (MIDDLE FUCKING SCHOOL) and make you give up the music you love because “you love them more than me, go suck his dick” (hmmm gladly) oh not to forget, calls you a slut and a whore for having a normal connection with a teacher, (mind you in front of said teacher). so yeah all those things drove me to want to kill myself, But recently any of the times I’ve felt that way, its been resolved rather quickly because now i have music in my life again, and music calms me more than anything.

6. Write 30 interesting facts about yourself. ohmygod this post is already soooo long lol, but honestly i really like getting my thoughts out like this no offense lol, even if no one reads it i still feel like I’m getting shit out in the open! 1.i lost my virginity when i was 13 2. i have two middle names; Patricia, Grace. . 3. the first celebrity i ever met was Bret Michaels 4. my favorite band is Guns N’ Roses and honestly don’t know what id do without that band in my life 5. i get angry really easily sometimes over the stupidest things 6. I’m into older men (if it wasn’t obvious to tell) 7. the day Prince died i had to leave school early because i was crying so much, and honestly have not gotten over it 8. ive been best friends w the most amazing bitch since 5th grade (thats like 10 years!!!) 9. i used to have a celeb crush on jim carrey lmao 10. ive never sang (like real singing) in front of anyone 11. i met slash at the milwaukee airport lol 12. i work at a party city and honestly with some of the greatest people i think ill ever meet 13. i have a bondage and daddy kink 14. i used to be a rebel without a cause, kind of a bitch and totally inappropriate at school 15. i had/ve a major crush on my high school teacher (who in my defense used to be a model for ralph lauren, and loved Poison sooooo uhhh) 16. i have major trust issues 17. i want to be a stripper 18. i love nascar and have since i was really little 19. i used to be terrified of tornadoes and even when it rained  a little i would have a full on panic attack 20. I’m getting a pet snake FINALLY 21. i have at least 6 different styles in the way i dress 22. ive been obsessed with the 80s since i was like in 6th grade 23. i have a theory that David Bowie isn’t of Earth 24. I’ve had a paranormal experience 25. i love christmas 26. i go to a lot of concerts alone 27. i loved the song Darling Nikki so much when i was younger, my mom had to beg me not to tell people lmao 28. when i saw Poison live, i cried during Talk Dirty To Me lol 29. i love driving and listening to my music 30. i love marvel and the mcu, and its like one of the things I’m most passionate about (I’m a dork) 

7. Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality. I’m a scorpio but since i was born on the 24th of october I’m a cusp w libra. I think that these signs reflect me very well, more so for scorpio obvi. but over time I’ve read that scorpios don’t really feel open about talking about certain things, they have trust issues, extremely sexual, jealous/possessive, they connect deeply… which are all things that really remind me of myself. I’ve been into astrology for as long as i can remember, so its a big deal to me lol.

8. A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life probably when i went to milwaukee, i did it alone, i paid for everything i went on a plane for the first time went to a hotel went in an uber lol all by myself. i really truly felt so amazing there, like nothing was stopping me and like if i can do this i can some day live in california on my own. its definitely one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life, not to mention, doing it all to see my favorite band from the fucking third row.

9. How you hope your future will be like i don’t like realistically thinking about the future, because i don’t really know what i want yet. but i guess i want to be in california with a steady income.

10. Discuss your first love and first kiss. my first love was Prince, when i listened to him it felt like i was hearing music for the first time, it was so unique to me. my first kiss was a drag tbh lol

thanks so much for asking dude, love ya! 💖💋

[sirensimmer]

50 q's tag

thank you @smol-sims for tagging me!!

1. What’s your favorite scent? lavender !!!!
 2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
 hm probs anna kendrick we’d have some good times
 3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?
 harry styles bc he’s a pure soul n i just wanna have deep chats w him n sing in the car together
 4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?
 i got married last year at 18 to the loml ❤️
 5. Do you know a hoarder?
 my gma lol
 6. Can you do a split?
 LOL not anymore but i could as a kid
 7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? i learned in first grade so probably 6
 8. How many oceans have you swam in? just the atlantic
 9. How many countries have you been to? i live in the US and i went to mexico when i was 8 on a missionary trip with my gma lol! 10. Is anyone in your family in the military? my husband is active duty navy !!
 11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? marina or ember
 12. What would you name your son if you had one? dexter, or probs sebastian inspired by @complicite 
13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? shit idk i usually did pretty good in school though 
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? clifford n curious george!!!!! then once inwas a bit older hannah montana was my Mom
 15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? probably hannah montana tbh
 16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? yEe
 17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? british!!! british accents r so lovely !!!
 18. Did your mother go to college? nah :-/
 19. Are your grandparents still married? they were for 50 yrs but my gpa has passed now
 20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? nope
 21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? um yes lol
 22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? i think its was King’s Island
 23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? sign language!!!!!!
 24. Do you spell the colour as grey or gray? i spell it like gray bc i’m american but sometimes i like to pretend i’m posh n spell thinks like grey, favourite n colour lol
 25. Is your father bald? lol idk ive never met him LOL
 26. Do you know triplets? nope
 27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? i can enjoy either of them but neither are a fav of mine
 28. Have you ever had Indian food? probably not authentic Indian, but i’d like to
 29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? i fucking love mcallisters or any mexican restaurant 
30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? ye lol
 31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)? nope i work at starbucks 
32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? my mom said she would’ve named me xavier lol what the fuck
 33. If you have a nickname, what is it? morgs, that 1d girl, etc.
 34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? i SHOULD say my hubs but the truth is harry styles oops
 35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? definitely suburbs, like a small neighborhood on the outskirts of a larger city. that way i’m away from the hustle and bustle but there’s a lot of things within reach!!
36. Can you whistle? no but my gpa always whistled no matter what he was doing and i’d always try but i sucked in instead of blowing out haha
 37. Do you sleep with a nightlight? i like to sleep in darkness as black as my soul
 38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? usually get a double smoked bacon breakfast sandwich on my breaks @ work lol
 39. Do you take any pills or medication daily? i take cymbalta for my anxiety and depression, and birth control bc i aint trynna get preggos yet
 40. What medical conditions do you have? anxiety and depression, ovarian cysts, n i also get heart palpitations if im not careful when i have a panic attack
 41. How many times have you been to the hospital? just once when i found out about my ovarian cysts. i was in so muvh pain i was throwing up n my mom thought my appendix had ruptured lol
 42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? hell yeah
 43. Where do you buy your jeans? OLD NAVY AF
 44. What’s the last compliment you got? my hubs tells me every morning that im strong enough to make it through whatever the day throws at me and thats really assuring for me!!
 45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? i remember the feelings associated with my dream. such as fear, or happiness, or love…whatever the dream was actually about is usually lost on me!!
 46. What flavor tea do you enjoy? sweet tea lol
 47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? same answer as leah…shit dude too many.
 48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? probably none but my husband kind of believes in a god so we’ll see. but i’d like them to not be pressured to believe any certain way!
 49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? like 10 but my mom still saved gifts for the next morning to open!
 50. Why do you have a youtube? well i’ve watched other simmers LP’s for years but now i make vids!!! PLUG TIME…subscribe to sirensimmer on yt bye

i tag @crownsims @complicite n @xtinkersimsx

[icestorm1196]

you know how sometimes you just want to stop?  or maybe you just want everything else to stop?  i don’t know.  i am not at my most coherent right now i guess.  not that it matters.  no one’s gonna read this right?  i mean, i’m posting it to the internet, but it’s mostly just me screaming into the void.  mostly i am hoping that writing some of it down will make it easier for me to put the damn safety pin away.  or at least cut my nails or something. 

im white. i have a ‘job.’  im fine. im fine.  

why am i not good?  theres nothing currently drastic happening. i sort of have money.  more than some, though my rent is obscenely high and i am not making enough to keep paying it for the next six months without help from my parents (and i can’t ask) or a new job (and no one wants me).

i have no marketable skills other than food service.  im gonna die a waitress. i cant even get a job as a receptionist because no one is hiring someone with no experience.  im several years out of college and i can’t get a job in my field, or an internship because all the internships go to college students.  

but its one of those things.  i know im gonna be stuck in jobs i hate my whole life.  im never gonna do the things i want, or the things i love. i wont get to travel. i wont get to act.  im gonna be miserable and useless and poor forever and i don’t want that.  

its one of those ‘are my friends really my friends’ things.  i dont think so. none of my friends have ever really been friends. ive always been an out of sight out of mind person. sometimes ive tried to reach out.  it doesn’t tend to work.  even when i was in college, everyone i hung out with tended to spend breaks together. i lived a few hours away. i didnt get invited.  or they’d all go to the movies and maybe theyd text someone to join...not me though.  

wah wah wah right? who the fuck cares?  boo hoo, i don’t get invited to things. 

even when i do, half the time i feel like i invited myself and i spend the whole damn time worrying that everyone secretly wishes id leave.

im nothing.

my sister would care if i died.  my parents.  my brother?  who knows.  and if my mom ever finds out that i am not straight then she’d fucking disown me anyway. would anyone else give a fuck though?  idk.

im not gonna kill myself or anything.  i know these aren’t real problems.  body image issues etc whatever. who doesn’t have them?  no one. im boring. my problems are boring. and they are stupid.  and it is stupid that i let them get to me.

people have real problems. people face addiction, homelessness, mental illness.  girls are getting raped by their family members or sold into sex slavery and people are being made into child soldiers.  there’s a madman in the whitehouse and people have to deal with racism and bigotry on a day to day basis.

i have such stupid, pointless little white girl problems.  and i can’t even handle those without having a fucking panic attack at 2 am apropos of nothing.

im nothing. my issues are unimportant. im not gonna change the world by being in it, or by leaving. im a blip. most of us are, really.  why does it bug me so much?  im ridiculous.

the only real problem i have is neurofibromatosis. and that’s mostly physical. its all vanity. these horrible little tumor bumps that just show the fuck up in the most inconvenient places.   and its not like they are cancerous or anything.  just ugly.  

i hate that i cant control these things.  my body keeps fucking betraying me.  food i used to like seems to make me sick.  maybe that’s good cause if i can’t eat things then i wont be a fucking fat ass anymore.

whatever.

im fine.

i keep thinking that i should maybe talk to someone? but who the fuck? my sister? she’s eighteen, i cant lay this shit on her.  who else? the only times ive ever tried talking to people who told me that i can talk to them ‘whenever’ about these things, ive been basically shat on. ‘sorry, im kinda taking a nap,’ ‘sorry, im busy’.’its 3 am, i was asleep’ blababla. and the friends i have that don’t know that im a mess (or don’t know how deep it goes i guess) i dont want to know.  i have a reputation to uphold.  im the ‘perky’ one.  suicide hotline? except im not gonna kill myself and calling there would just get in the way of someone who actually needs help.  therapist? why would i talk to a stranger that i pay to pretend to care about my stupid problems?  so that leaves me with the internet.

a blog no one gives a fuck about seems just the place to post the incoherent 2am rambling of a twenty something never-will-be.  (can’t be a has-been if you were never anything). 

anyway. im done i think.

i don’t really feel better. i had hoped i would.  maybe im tired enough to sleep now. 

[lesbianstrawbie]

“should we know us a little better” tag 📜        

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people I was tagged by: @lesbianblossomjimin 💗

THE LAST:

1. Drink: is a milkshake a drink??

2. Phone call: making a doctors appointment

3. Text message: i never text anyone?????

4. Song you listened to: Cathedrals by Varick

5. Time you cried: when 9muses mv came out…

6. Dated someone twice: nopeee

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i kissed a girl when i was on sleeping meds and forgot about it and then she fucking treated me like shit after… so yea i regretted that

8. Been cheated on: nah ive never actually dated anyone soooo

9. Lost someone special: family members i wished i knew better

10. Been depressed: a couple weeks ago when i had a panic attack when i hadnt had one in over a yr. i was pretty down the next couple days.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: ive never been drunk bc i never drink..

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: pink blue and yellow (all pastels)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: im very social online so ive definitely made great new friends here. 

16. Fallen out of love: nope

17. Laughed until you cried: it was a recent vlive from Pentagon when they “switched” personalities and omfg i cried

18. Found out someone was talking about you: just a half hr ago but it wasn’t bad.

19. Met someone who changed you: Lupita who i met on here has just made me happier. bitch im tagging you so you’ll see me getting sentimental but i luv u

20. Found out who your friends are: one girl who i had a crush on and was good friends with never talks to me anymore… its like we were never friends

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nopeeee

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: maybe half??? idk maybe less. im too lazy to check

23. Do you have any pets: 4 cats in our house but only one is technically mine (maxxie)

24. Do you want to change your name: i used to for sure but im kinda indifferent now

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i think just chill. i try not to plan much so i don’t have any expectations

26. What time did you wake up: 1pm..

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Pentagon videos on youtube most likely 

28. Name something you can’t wait for: my laptop.. im hoping i get it sooner than i think

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: im with her right now actually, we’ve been chatting the whole time iver been typing this

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: a stable income

31. What are you listening right now: my ma’s noise machine which is set to ocean rn

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: not that i know of???

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my fucking allergies.. i want to rip my nose off

34. Most visited Website: tumblr then youtube

35. Mole/s: i have them everywhere??? a very large one is on my left collar bone. but yea i have quite a few on my arms and even a couple on my legs. they are like my freckles… everywhere.

36. Mark/s: some from self harm on my upper left arm, a small scar on my nose from just scratching it too hard once. and one on my left hand from an outdoor cat i was trying to clean up

37. Childhood dream: i wanted to write children’s books.

38. Hair color: my natural hair is dark dirty blonde but right now its dyed a medium blonde

39. Long or short hair: my hair is pretty damn short. i have to two block cut i think its called? …but lets be real i just have a bowl cut with shaved undersides

40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope

41. What do you like about yourself: my sense of humor and style and how genuine i am i guess. 

42. Piercings: 2 in my left and one in my right

43. Bloodtype i actually have no clue

44. Nickname: ash. thats its. not pashta sauce. no.

45. Relationship status: very much so single

46. Zodiac: pisces

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: probably sailor moon

49. Tattoos: on my “ring” finger i have an equal sign for equal marriage. it was done before it was legal in ny. and on my left forearm I have the title of my favorite song from my favorite Japanese band

50. Right or left hand: right handed

51. Surgery: nope

52. Piercing: already answered

53. Sport: laying down…

55. Vacation: in nyc. i just love it there.

56. Pair of trainers: black and whiteadidas

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: a donut

58. Drinking: iced tea

59. I’m about to: idk?? i have nothing planned for tonight so just chill

61. Waiting for: my uncle to leave

62. Want: im still thinking about my laptop

63. Get married: yes ugh i want a family a lot

64. Career: im just gonna leave this blank…

WHICH IS BETTER?:

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs

66. Lips or eyes: lips??

67. Shorter or taller: shorter

68. Older or younger: same age or younger. also i never meet people older than me???

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: doesn’t matter

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive but also loud aka me bc im a narcissist

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: ??? neither

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nope

75. Drank hard liquor: nope

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i dont need theme

77. Turned someone down: yeah

78. Sex on the first date: nope

79. Broken someones heart: idk???

80. Had your heart broken: yea by my friend group in high school

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: of course

83. Fallen for a friend: hahahaha….ha yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: yes

85. Miracles: yes

86. Love at first sight: not really

87. Santa Claus: well saint nick was a real person. so yea minus the crazy version of santa thats sold to kids.

88. Kiss on the first date: idk maybe if it feels right

89. Angels: yes. my ma is psychic and im an empath so i believe that stuff

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: amari, my sister and lupita

91. Eyecolor: very dark brown

92. Favorite movie: spirited away, inglorious bastards all the sailor moon movies bc im trash and probably titanic

I’ll tag @inspaceibelong @hobihomerun @knjz idk???? My mind has gone bank

[skiasurveys]

sex sex sex sex.

1. What’s your favorite position and why? i like doggy style a lot because i dont know it just feels really great and its pretty dominating..but i also like missionary but its boring but i like it when i want to feel “romantic”. lmao.

2. How did you lose your virginity? If you’re still a virgin, is there any specific reason?  I lost my virginity at 19. Basically I was preparing to bang my boyfriend ( my current one!) but I was super nervous ( I already had some trauma from the past). I was scared and stuff and so we tried and I was like Idk man im scared. Then later that night we just started to kiss and make out and he asked if I wanted to try again and I said sure so I got naked blah blah, I was sitting on him kissing hm and then bam he fucked me but it felt really awesome and nice, didn’t hurt because he was slow at it and then he fucked me from behind after i got used to it lol. Great times. That was like a year ago!

3. If you could have sex with any porn star or model, who would it be?  i dont know any porn stars and im not attracted to any models either.

4. What’s one thing in particular that makes you want to tear off your lover’s clothes? Sometimes if he looks at me a certain way or if were doing something . Or if he starts touching my thighs and/or kissing my neck 

5. Five turn ons. 1. Strong looking/masculine 2.Taller than me but no taller than 6′3 3. kissing my neck. 4. man handeling me (without being too aggressive).5. showing me off ( Not like “OH LOOK WHAT I HAVE” but being proud you have me. 6. Five turn offs. 1. Being an asshole. 2.Acting like you don’t care about me when youre around others. 3.Racist/sexist/etc 4.Creepy. 5.Hating my friends

7. Have you had any embarrassing sexual experiences?   its so embarrassing.. so I had just finished my period ( OR so i thought) and we started to fuck and it was going well.. after we finished he was like “Um i think you still have your period.” and Im like “what?” and yeah there was blood on his dick and I legit ran and cried in the bathroom like a little bitch LOL. He came after me and said it was fine and that hes done more awkward shit but DUDE...

8. Do you have a fetish? not really. I like calling my boyfriend daddy in the bedroom but i dont like the ddlg fetish at all. 

9. Have you experimented with anyone of the same sex?  no 10. What’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  Choking, or tying me up, or like bondage stuff. I just have a severe panic attack if that happens and I dont like it and I had trauma so its actually triggering.

11. What’s the best sexual unsolicited advice you can give?  Just dont fuck them if youre not ready. 

12. Hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? both

13. Do you like giving head? im that weird girl who actually enjoys sucking cock

14. Do you like getting head? yes 

15. What’s one thing you look for in a partner?  loyalty and companionship. 

16. How many partners have you had?  1 and im still with him :)

17. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

18. If you’re bi/pansexual, what gender do you tend to prefer? n/a

19. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.  Theres a few. It usually is when he goes hardcore with teasing me and kissing me. One time he was kissing me and teasing me. He ate me out for a bit which was amazing, and the he kissed me from my tummy to my lips, and he fucked me hard but slow and said I love you which was awesome. But i also had one where He was teasing me and doing lots of foreplay and he told me he owned me and that he wanted all of me and then he fucked me so good. especially when he cums inside me. MMMMM.

20. Describe the worst sex you’ve ever had. It wasnt bad but I just have depression and sometimes it hits me when were fucking and  i lost my sex drive and just didnt care and it didnt last that long but i lied i orgasmed so he could finish because i wasnt feeling it lol

21. Have you ever had a funny sexual experience? What was it? i dont know. Im sure. 22. Are you okay with rough sex?  Yess just not too rough ok!

23. How big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? Was it in a porn or in real life? well i mean guys in porn always have huge dicks but my boyfriend is the only one Ive had and he is pretty big.

24. Boobs or ass - which is better? ass. 25. Do you prefer sex or masturbation? sex i hate masturbating.

26. Describe how you usually masturbate. ill leave that for your imagination. 

27. Do you like tattoos on a partner or do you like them to have a clean slate, skin wise?  i dont care. either or.

28. How do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? some people go a little too far with it. Like for example actually acting like they are 4 years old in public. You can leave it to the bedroom, please.

29. What’s your fantasy?  pay off my student loans.

30. Do you have any sexual regrets? no

31. When did you last have sex? april 1st before Connor moved! He will be back in the end of May or start of June so it will be a while before we have sex again :(

32. When did you last masturbate? last night

33. Have you had anal? yeah. Its ‘ight. 

34. Do you like to spank/be spanked?  i like to be spanked.

35. What do you want done to you right now?  well since  I havent seen my boyfriend in like a month i would love it for him to just push me against a wall. mmm.

36. Are you comfortable with getting tied up? no

37. Did you have sex in high school? nope. No one really liked me back then. I had like 2 boyfriends then and it was shitty then. I met Connor the fall after i graduated. Hilarious.

38. How old were you when you lost your virginity? How long has it been? 19 years old and its been a year now.

39. Do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? teasing.

40. Sexting or phone sex?  ive done both. sexting is fun but phone sex can be pretty hot. I just dont like phone sex..i rather sext tbh

41. Have you had sex in any interesting places? One time we were hanging at our friends place and everyone had gone to bed and Connor was cuddling me on their couch and he said , “ I bet its just bothering you that you cant touch me” and im like whatever idc and then hes like “lets lowkey fuck” so we fucked on their couch while they were sleeping! It was pretty fun but nervous cus if someone walked out. oh god..and then we fucked behind a couch like 3 times while there was a party going on. cool.

42. Are you sexually active?  i guess so. since he moved its hard to say but its only for short time.

43. Have you had car sex? no our car is too small for that. but i want to.

44. Have you ever had sex with anyone else in the location you were at? (i.e., while your sister was in the other room) yes..see above

45. Why aren’t you fucking anyone right now? well the only person i would fuck is in a nother city obvs so thats why.

46. Are you able to have emotionless sex? not rly

47. Does penis size really matter? yes

48. What has been your most memorable experience sexually? theres a lot

49. If male, are you well endowed? n/a

50. If female, what’s your breast size?  34 B cup.

51. Have you ever been the other person? no

52. Have you ever cheated on anyone?  no!

53. Describe an orgasm.  i just felt really weird and shakey but it felt so good.

54. What’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? I dont really keep count.

55. What’s the shortest time you’ve had sex for?  like 5 minutes. -___-

56. If you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you?  no

57. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Yeah kinda. my one period didnt come once and i was so scared. I bought like 3  sticks.

58. Are you comfortable naked?  kinda. Ive been with Connor for a year now and I still feel awkward naked. lol

59. Are you comfortable sending pictures of yourself to others? depends.

60. What’s your sexual comfort zone like?just dont do rape play.

61. What’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking?  i cant think of anything

62. Do you have any piercings in fun places? (i.e., clit, nipples, dick) no

63. Would you say you’re good in bed?  i think so.

64. How do you get sex tips? internet or i ask him how he wants me to do something. like i ask him if he likes what im doing and he will tell me how he wants it.

65. Have you ever had sex with anyone while they were on their period? Have you ever had sex while on your period?  no except that one time when i thought i was fkn done but i wasnt. kill myself.

66. If you could be the other sex for a day, would you and what would you do first? idk.

67. What’s your favorite part about being the gender you are? I dont know really. I can buy cute drinks without looking dumb?

68. Slow but passionate, or fast, furious, and kinky? slow but passionate. But also depends on the mood or whatever because sometimes i want rough, sometimes i don’t.

69. Have you ever 69’d? Did you enjoy it?  yes but it feels too good to suck him while hes eating me out.

70. Have you ever done drugs and then had sex?  weed

71. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re in love with? yes

72. How are you with BDSM? Would you ever engage in it?  nope.

73. Do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? Why?  i love gagging on his cock.

74. When it comes to oral, are you gentle? Do you use your hands too? gentle. i dont want to hurt him but if i do go hard kinda. and yeah i used my hands.

75. Okay, how do you feel about handjobs?  sometimes i do hand jobs but its only when im making him hard. Lol.

76. Have you had any unwanted pain during sex? yeah.

77. What is something that’s not sexual that can turn you on more than anything sexual?  arms? 78. Can your sexual partners be categorized by their zodiac signs? no

79. Have you had sex to music? What’s your favorite sex song? we fucked to Wish you were here by Pink Floyd.

80. What’s something you want to try in bed?  i dont know.

81. Has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? How did you feel about that? no. if there was blood from biting/scratching/etc i would feel awful.

82. Have you ever fucked someone who was sad? Did it help them emotionally or make it worse? I have fucked him when he was sad and it helped and same for me sometimes it makes me feel way better.

83. Do you like sexual anons? no

84. What’s your ideal round of sex?  i dont know.

85. Do you like the use of whipped cream, handcuffs, chocolate, and cherries?  nope.

86. Have you ever been walked in on or caught?  almost got caught.

87. Have you ever had sex in public? Would you? yes and i would.

88. What’s a good sex joke?  i dont know. 89. Do you like to be called a dirty slut or would you rather be treated like royalty?  i love it when he calls me a slut but theres a time and place during sex when i want to be slutty and then loved LMAO.

90. Are you more submissive or dominant? sub 91. What’s your naughtiest secret? i almost fucked a 33 year old when i was 18.

92. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve encountered sexually?  i cant think of anyting

93. Have you ever “stuck your dick in crazy”? Was there a lesson learned?

94. Do you like playing with balls/having someone play with yours? i like playing with them because he loves it. 

95. What’s the best nonsexual feeling?  feeling safe and loved by them.

96. Do you like feet? ew 97. Do you look at rule 34/hentai? ew....

98. Pick a random question off this survey for yourself. N/A 99. Who’s your ideal sexual partner? MY BOYFRIEND.

100. Do you have a partner right now? Would you like one? have my boyfriend :) 101. Are you accepting “applications” for a partner?  um no

[snoobydoo]

1-150

who the fuCK (thank u tho

1. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HELD HANDS WITH? - my little sister!2. ARE YOU OUTGOING OR SHY? - id be pretty outgoing if i didnt have social anxiety but yeah,, im shy af3. WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING? - AAA DREN IS COMING OUT IN THE SUMMER!! Allynah will also be hanging out with us for a bit while theyre here, too!! im so excited to hang out with both of them oml4. ARE YOU EASY TO GET ALONG WITH? - id hope so ? idk tho5. IF YOU WERE DRUNK WOULD THE PERSON YOU LIKE TAKE CARE OF YOU? - theyd probably be drunk too but yeah i think so? id probably take care of them more fhgdhf6. WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO? - man,, fuck if i know,,, everyone, really?

7. DO YOU THINK YOU’LL BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TWO MONTHS FROM NOW? - fuCK NO lmao,, id love to be but its unrealistic8. WHO FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER IS ON YOUR MIND? - opposite gender dbdsfdhgdsf9. DOES TALKING ABOUT SEX MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE? - it depends, really?? on like who im talking to and how in depth it is? casual mentions of it are chill with me but if its very specific like,, things they like and/or have done before im,, im good dude10. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH? - fuck idk11. WHAT DOES THE MOST RECENT TEXT THAT YOU SENT SAY? - ‘HELLO ILY’12. WHAT ARE YOUR 5 FAVORITE SONGS RIGHT NOW? - oh shit uhh probably?? Someone in the Crowd from La La Land, Under My Skin by Jukebox the Ghost, I Know by Tom Odell (even tho it makes me Sad? ????), LGBT by Cupcakke, and We’ll Meet Again by Vera Lynn13. DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE PLAY WITH YOUR HAIR? - YES but i always feel super self conscious about it too oh boy14. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LUCK AND MIRACLES? - nah15. WHAT GOOD THING HAPPENED THIS SUMMER? - uhh i cant remember last summer very well rip but this upcoming summer Dren is coming out here for two weeks!!! and thats a v good thing B)16. WOULD YOU KISS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED AGAIN? - lmao N/A17. DO YOU THINK THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS? - hell yeh but its not as advanced as we are/hope18. DO YOU STILL TALK TO YOUR FIRST CRUSH? - lmfao no i lost contact in like 3rd grade rip19. DO YOU LIKE BUBBLE BATHS? - i havent had one in years so im not sure?20. DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEIGHBORS? - yeah they all seem really nice but ive never met any of them21. WHAT ARE YOUR BAD HABITS? - Everything I Do22. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL? - ooh anywhere, really?? travelling seems so heckin cool. id love to go to Canada and Amsterdam and Italy n stuff,, just anywhere23. DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES? - l m a o24. FAVORITE PART OF YOUR DAILY ROUTINE? - going to sleep25. WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY ARE YOU MOST UNCOMFORTABLE WITH? - everything26. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP? - dissociate and/or go back to sleep27. DO YOU WISH YOUR SKIN WAS LIGHTER OR DARKER? - eeh my skin is hella pale so if it was just a little bit darker thatd be chill B)28. WHO ARE YOU MOST COMFORTABLE AROUND? - uhh fuck idk probably Dren and Allynah?29. HAVE ANY OF YOUR EX’S TOLD YOU THEY REGRET BREAKING UP? - N/A lmao30. DO YOU EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED? - maybe?? im not sure31. IF YOUR HAIR LONG ENOUGH FOR A PONY TAIL? - yeah but some pieces dont fit in it32. WHICH CELEBRITIES WOULD YOU HAVE A THREESOME WITH? - no thanks my dude33. SPELL YOUR NAME WITH YOUR CHIN. - ksatre

34. DO YOU PLAY SPORTS? WHAT SPORTS? - im Super unathletic,, id like to play a sport but i dont. im struggling in p.e. lmao35. WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE WITHOUT TV OR MUSIC? - tv36. HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE AND NEVER TOLD THEM? - haha yeah every damn time37. WHAT DO YOU SAY DURING AWKWARD SILENCES? - i just laugh or stay silent38. DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM GIRL/GUY? - okay this is gonna sound crazy but.. th- they Like Me Back,, i know, Whoa..39. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE STORES TO SHOP IN? - Target ?? it just feels really familiar for some reason,, prob bc i used to go there a lot as a child40. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO AFTER HIGH SCHOOL? - die41. DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE? - no42. IF YOUR BEING EXTREMELY QUIET WHAT DOES IT MEAN? - i dont have anything to say, im having a panic attack, or im holding in whatever i want to say43. DO YOU SMILE AT STRANGERS? - yeah!44. TRIP TO OUTER SPACE OR BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN? - SPACE45. WHAT MAKES YOU GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING? - i dont lol46. WHAT ARE YOU PARANOID ABOUT? - everything, my dude,, everything47. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIGH? - no48. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK? - yes49. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING RECENTLY THAT YOU HOPE NOBODY FINDS OUT ABOUT? - no? i dont think so?50. WHAT WAS THE COLOUR OF THE LAST HOODIE YOU WORE? - black51. EVER WISHED YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE? - constantly52. ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF? - Everything?53. FAVOURITE MAKEUP BRAND? - lol fuck if i know54. FAVOURITE STORE? - already answered above ?55. FAVOURITE BLOG? - i like that one blog that posts unflattering pictures of cats (im not gonna tag them tho rgdgfsdf)56. FAVOURITE COLOUR? - yellow57. FAVOURITE FOOD? - peaches or coffee tbh58. LAST THING YOU ATE? - cereal59. FIRST THING YOU ATE THIS MORNING? - cereal60. EVER WON A COMPETITION? FOR WHAT? - no i dont think so61. BEEN SUSPENDED/EXPELLED? FOR WHAT? - nope62. BEEN ARRESTED? FOR WHAT? - nope63. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? - fuq that, idk64. TELL US THE STORY OF YOUR FIRST KISS? - n/a

65. ARE YOU HUNGRY RIGHT NOW? - no66. DO YOU LIKE YOUR TUMBLR FRIENDS MORE THAN YOUR REAL FRIENDS? - what is the difference tho,, if we mean online vs offline then yes my online friends are better but theyre still my Real Friends ya feel67. FACEBOOK OR TWITTER? - twitter68. TWITTER OR TUMBLR? - tumblr69. ARE YOU WATCHING TV RIGHT NOW? - no70. NAMES OF YOUR BESTFRIENDS? - Dren, Allynah, Grace, Eli, Allison71. CRAVING SOMETHING? WHAT? - nope72. WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR TOWELS? - we have a lot of different colors72. HOW MANY PILLOWS DO YOU SLEEP WITH? - two73. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? - no74. HOW MANY STUFFED ANIMALS DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE? - none75. FAVOURITE ANIMAL? - cats76. WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR UNDERWEAR? - im too lazy to check77. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? - vanilla78. FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR? - mint chocolate chip for sure79. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? - black80. WHAT COLOUR PANTS? - red81. FAVOURITE TV SHOW? - the walking dead probably82. FAVOURITE MOVIE? - CAPTAIN AMERICA: TFA83. MEAN GIRLS OR MEAN GIRLS 2? - theres a second one?84. MEAN GIRLS OR 21 JUMP STREET? - ive never seen 21 jump street,, so mean girls85. FAVOURITE CHARACTER FROM MEAN GIRLS? - DAMIAN86. FAVOURITE CHARACTER FROM FINDING NEMO? - Squirt87. FIRST PERSON YOU TALKED TO TODAY? - n/a88. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO TODAY? - n/a89. NAME A PERSON YOU HATE? - m e90. NAME A PERSON YOU LOVE? - see #7091. IS THERE ANYONE YOU WANT TO PUNCH IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW? - ME92. IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE? - no93. HOW MANY SWEATPANTS DO YOU HAVE? - one pair i think?94. HOW MANY SWEATERS/HOODIES DO YOU HAVE? - two95. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? - if a musical counts, then Heathers. if not then i think how to train your dragon 2?96. FAVOURITE ACTRESS? - Lauren Cohan probably? idk97. FAVOURITE ACTOR? - andrew lincoln or chris evans98. DO YOU TAN A LOT? - nope99. HAVE ANY PETS? - YES i have four. three cats and one dog100. HOW ARE YOU FEELING? - sleepy101. DO YOU TYPE FAST? - yes102. DO YOU REGRET ANYTHING FROM YOUR PAST? - everything ??103. CAN YOU SPELL WELL? - fairly104. DO YOU MISS ANYONE FROM YOUR PAST? - yea105. EVER BEEN TO A BONFIRE PARTY? - we’ve had small parties with a little bonfire but ive never been to a BONFIRE PARTY,, i wish106. EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? -probably not107. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A HORSE? - uhhh i dont remember?? maybe?108. WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING? - i actually have no obligations right now,, thank god109. IS SOMETHING IRRITATING YOU RIGHT NOW? - me110. HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE SO MUCH IT HURT? - yeah i have bpd111. DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES? - this was already asked112. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU CRIED IN FRONT OF? - my brother i think113. WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD NICKNAME? - just? Kate? or i think Petuna was one too114. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN OUT OF YOUR PROVINCE/STATE? - yeah115. DO YOU PLAY THE WII? - we had a wii one time but i only used it like twice116. ARE YOU LISTENING TO MUSIC RIGHT NOW? - i was but then it ended and now its just silent and i didnt even notice.. im gonna change the song117. DO YOU LIKE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP? - yes118. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD? - yes119. FAVOURITE BOOK? - perks of being a wallflower120. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? - i get paranoid yeh121. ARE YOU MEAN? - yeah122. IS CHEATING EVER OKAY? - no u piece of shit123. CAN YOU KEEP WHITE SHOES CLEAN? - no dgfsfs124. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? - infatuation, maybe, but not love125. DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE? - no126. ARE YOU CURRENTLY BORED? - nah this is keeping me busy127. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? - being included128. WOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME? - im not sure? probably not129. WHAT YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? - sagittarius130. DO YOU LIKE SUBWAY? - sure131. YOUR BESTFRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX LIKES YOU, WHAT DO YOU DO? - opposite sex,, and heck, if anyone liked me id doubt it and/or panic132. WHO’S THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH? - idk but this was also already asked133. FAVOURITE LYRICS RIGHT NOW? - I wanna take you somewhere so you know I careBut it’s so cold and I don’t know whereI brought you daffodils in a pretty stringBut they won’t flower like they did last spring134. CAN YOU COUNT TO ONE MILLION? - i could but i dont want to135. DUMBEST LIE YOU EVER TOLD? - i dont remember136. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? - closed137. HOW TALL ARE YOU? - 5′6138. CURLY OR STRAIGHT HAIR? - i have curly hair139. BRUNETTE OR BLONDE? - im a brunette140. SUMMER OR WINTER? - summer141. NIGHT OR DAY? - day142. FAVOURITE MONTH? - october probably?143. ARE YOU A VEGETARIAN? - no but id like to try it some time144. DARK, MILK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? - milk chocolate145. TEA OR COFFEE? - coffee but both are good146. WAS TODAY A GOOD DAY? - idk i just woke up147. MARS OR SNICKERS? - ive never had a mars bar so snickers?148. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE QUOTE? - “you’re not a sad story. you are alive.”149. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? - idk150. GET THE CLOSEST BOOK NEXT TO YOU, OPEN IT TO PAGE 42, WHAT’S THE FIRST LINE ON THAT PAGE?  - How can you use a topographic map to interpret information about an area?

thank u for these questions im sorry this post is so long dgdfgsffdquestions