#for one i am pretty sure this was my first date post covid

[theyarebothgunshot]

.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 2 in series for Dragon Age Veilguard

Spoilers for Veilguard

First part of review series is below.

I'm not an asshole disclaimer (same as the first one, if you read that, you can just skip down to the cut.)

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

9 hours in, 7 hours playtime.

Negative review

While I'm incredibly grateful that I can play this game, because I really hope the story actually starts soon, (yes, I said it, the pacing on this is terrible, and I'm both an editor and a writer, I have a clue). I hate to say... I am soooo glad I didn't buy it. Or I'd be demanding a refund. I didn’t actually look at the price tag, but it must’ve been around $80 Canadian. Given our cost of living crisis, that's obscene but whatever. Games are expensive.

It's just not worth that much in its current state. Sure. Games on release often have bugs. I kinda hate spending money to be an unpaid beta tester. BG3 had nowhere near as many.

My computer comes down right around the middle of the minimum and recommended specs. DA4 doesn't even make it get hot like BG3 makes it. So I'm really thinking glitchy game vs computer issues. Considering I'm not the only one it's happening to... welp. (I looked the glitch up, it's pretty common.)

5 out of 10 loads, my character glitches back to the stock elf body. And if I continue playing, it corrupts my saves and they won't load. It has also happened mid-battle, too. So I have to figure out which save to go back to before the glitch bit. Which, without pics in the save files is fun /s.

'Balanced' play isn’t. I play on tactician/hard in most games. I'm on balanced, and keep fucking dying. TBH I'm not extremely awesome with the controls and moves yet, but I'm not bad either. I honestly just think the bad guys are too overpowered (way too fast, hit too hard, and it takes too long to break their armour) for beginning levels. And yes, I have my Rook in the best armour I currently have. Maybe if I could carry more than 3 potions, it wouldn't matter as much, but IDEK man.

And you know what isn't actually any fun in games? Dying a lot. Also? Having to drop my difficulty level for regular bad guys less than ten hours into the game. It's still teaching me moves ffs, so is sorta the tutorial. I'm not a 'get gud' type. I think that's ridiculous. Gaming is supposed to be fun. If it makes it more fun to drop the level for a boss fight or whatever, more power to you. But I usually don't have to until end-game material. If I have to at all. It's honestly pretty rare. Load time is ridiculous, so every time an over-powered not-a-fucking-darkspawn slams my rogue (which I swear shouldn't be possible, I know how to fight with rogues, they're my first and favourite class), I get creamed because I'm bloody stuck in a place I shouldn't get stuck in.

I know they had testing on this. Wasn't that why the date was pushed back? My memory isn't great since COVID but I think I might’ve seen that somewhere.

Solavellans will likely be disappointed in the first seven hours. You see Solas twice. He may as well not even be in the game.

And I really hate to say this, but I'm just bored. I wasn’t itching to play it like I usually am with good games. (If a game catches me up, it's about the only thing I want to do.) I still loaded it up tonight, didn’t have anything better to do. (Because I'd probably have done that instead.) I'm mostly playing so I know what happens in the story myself. And I was hoping we'd get some answers to all this lore that lives in my head, rent free. So, whatever, I'm still hoping it will catch me up. I'll keep playing in hopes we actually get something resembling a story at some point soon.

And the number of editorial errors is ridiculous. Both developmental and copy.

'Cause bodies can't decompose in the Anderfels? Because nothing external lives there? Granted, I have specialized knowledge there (former forensic anthropologist) but, that isn't remotely how decomp works.

Does your 3 week old raw hamburger not rot because it was in a cold, dark place without any external decomposers? (My 17 year old knew the correct answer to that, so did my 12 year old.)

The primary forms of humanoid/mammalian decomposition come from inside us. Bugs don't even start showing up for a bit. Why do you think bodies bloat? Our gut bacteria going wild. Why do you think bodies are routinely embalmed? No bugs (usually) in a funeral home or morgue either.

And y'know? I actually outright told Epler on Twitter (before it went to complete hell) that he needed a better editor or 4 after playing DAI. And DAV already has more editorial issues than I noticed in the whole first half of DAI. Way to prove my point.

I'm an exacting editor. I'm pretty good at it. And I don't expect perfection in anything. Perfectionism is a trauma response, after all. But so many errors so soon? Really?

I'm not even getting into the story issues. Because I'm still hoping we actually, y'know, get to a story? And if I'm really lucky? That story will cover some of the glaring errors.

But so far? I'm not impressed. I've never, since I started playing DA games, been fucking bored.

Next one is here:

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

I noticed that now that school season is coming ever closer, very soon lots of y'all will probably be spending 7 hours for 5 days a week in a very densely populated environment for the first time in a few months because of school, so here's my little mask PSA! Yes, in 2024.

(note: the more reading I did the more this became a GET FREAKIN VACCINATED psa, generally, keep in mind that your risk of getting ANY of the problems described below ((or causing them in others)) is reduced by staying in date with your Covid vax, so keep up with it if that's available to you. The more of y'all that are vaxxed, the more it helps others who can't or won't, and yourselves.)

oh wow doesn't that cute clipart I stole just completely inspire you to read all this

the post is a slight bit longer than intended, but each bullet point is pretty short. the first bit is some facts I read from the CDC after that there's a few tips on masking that I read from various sources and some personal experience.

having been infected with COVID 19 before does not prevent you from getting it again and potentially infecting others, and you may experience different symptoms than before.

having been infected with COVID 19 before definitely will not protect you from an entirely different variant of it.

millions of people have long covid, a chronic disease state potentially affecting multiple organ systems, as a result from being infected with Sars-Cov-2

this link is CDC information on keeping your vaccine up to date

my information above this point is from the CDC, but I definitely implore you to do your own reading instead of just interpreting what I've managed to both comprehend and compile into a rather succinct tumblr blog post.

this one is entirely anecdotal, but the only time I have gotten sick PERIOD in the past four years was when I got COVID from someone I ate lunch with, the only time I am ever in public without a mask is when I'm eating.

Data I found for my state indicates a currently low COVID rate (i checked a few places to be sure), however data is only collected from hospitalizations and presented as ratios in any of the sources I've found, which does not help me get an accurate number of confirmed cases to give y'all. Nevertheless, I recommend looking up what data you can for your own region, I wish you luck that it is more informative.

wearing a mask can prevent the spread of other airborne diseases besides COVID 19, so certain times of the year with an increase in airborne contagious diseases as well as time spent in a building with hundreds of other people whose hygiene and vaccination status are completely out of your control and knowledge are especially important times to wear a mask.

I am sure to keep a few paper masks (still individually wrapped bc they come that way and it keeps 'em clean) in my car in addition to the masks I have inside that I put on before going out, just to make sure I'm never caught off guard. toss it when you're home and replace to leave again. (I think same rules for taking it off for an extended period of time- since the side that would go pressed up against your face is now also exposed to the air)

if you don't drive, leave them in your purse or coat pocket, or keep a fabric one on your keyring bc some of them are made to fold up n do that.

KN95 masks are supposed to be even better at preventing disease spread!! same rules as paper masks.

if nothing else, a set of fabric masks is a one time purchase, however the filters must still be changed out daily(though apparently there are also filters that are washable and reusable, though I've only ever used single-use filters in fabric masks before), the mask itself should also be washed daily, or thrown in the wash each time you come home to be replaced with another in your rotation before you go back out.

personally, I intend to go back to double-layering a paper and 3-layer/fabric duo soon, and I actually learned some new information while reading up to make this post.

even if you can't keep up with every single rule, masking at all is better than not, and keeping up your hygiene helps too! wash with soap when available and keep hand sanitizer on hand, etc.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Watchlist Tag Game!

Another unexpected tag game! This time from @waitmyturtles

Currently watching

A Boss and a Babe: Wasn't sure if I was going to watch this one because I'm not a huge fan of boss and subordinate as a positive romantic plot (looking at you GAP, sorry). But started watching it after seeing some of @respectthepetty's posts about Episode 4.

Bed Friend: If I were being accurate, I would have put this show down like four times in a row because I have rewatched all available episodes about four times, and honestly will probably watch the whole thing again. I love it so much, I do still think that Moonlight Chicken is my favorite show of the 2023 line up so far, but goddamn if I don't get overly attached to traumatized men.

Breaking Bad: Fun Fact! I have watched the first season of this show three times and never made it beyond that! So my friend set out to fix it and now we are trading one season of Breaking Bad for one show of my choice with a comparable number of episodes. Traded season one for Moonlight Chicken, and I'm trading season two and three for Word of Honor.

The Eclipse: Can't put my finger on why but for some reason I am obsessed with this show where the main character is a emotional repressed gay boy who has difficulty accepting himself and feels pressured to perform actions far outside what a teenager should be allowed to do because adults put pressure on him and because he doesn't want people to be disappointed in him...Anyway, with the Our Skyy 2 release date coming up how could I not rewatch this show I have already seen approximately six times?

The Eighth Sense: Have to thank @bengiyo for writing about The Eighth Sense, and everyone else that I follow that started watching this show immediately and started writing beautiful things about how queer it feels. It's my first Korean BL TV show (I did watch Wish You a few years back) and I am thoroughly enjoying my time so far!!

Unintentional Love Story: Don't have a lot to say about this show yet, I'm only two episodes in, but I think it's good so far!

Word of Honor: Rewatching this with my friend to try to get him to branch out of American television. I figured the costumes alone in this show would keep his interest, but let's be real, I was dying to see his reaction to my favorite little war criminal Wen Kexing who has done absolutely nothing wrong ever in his life, m'kay? This is my completely unbiased, objective opinion (do not look at my username).

Looking forward to watching soon

*ahem*

That is all...

...just kidding!

Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves: Somehow, my tumblr blog accidentally turned into a primarily BL based blog, probably but actually before I was introduced to Word of Honor and then rapidly and descended into the Thai BL world from there (I know WoH is a cdrama, but I found KinnPorsche through a masterpost of queer asian media that was on the woh tag) my hyperfixation and truest love is playing Dungeons and Dragons. I've been in a campaign for 6 years now and recently started another campaign with another group! I wanted to see this movie when it came out but I had COVID and only now am freed from my self isolation! Heard it was good and fun and worth seeing in theaters so I am hoping to go soon!

Our Skyy 2: I just miss my boys, okay? I'm only human.

Only Friends: If the fact that I have watched KinnPorsche 14 times is anything to go by I love messy bitches, and this seems like a show full of messy bitches! Any show that requires a fucking flow chart to know their relationships to one another? I'm in! Also, I listened to the playlist that Jojo posted on Spotify and I was sold. This is definitely my most anticipated of 2023.

Still deciding if I’m gonna watch

Succession: I follow at least one person who has been posting a lot about Succession as the fourth and final season airs, and it sounds really good! I was actually convinced to start the first episode but I kinda fell off of it pretty quick. I think I was tired and I know like with any show the pilot is not the episode to judge something on.

Beef: Only putting this on here because I felt compelled to look it up in the tumblr tags today just to put some feelers out.

and that's it lol, I finsihed Shadow and Bone Season 2 and The Owl House so I don't really have any other shows that I am thinking about watching at the moment. If anyone who reads these block paragraphs has suggestions I'm all ears.

Well, anyone I was going to tag has been tagged by wmt so uhhhh, if you wanna do this game, take this as me officially tagging you!

[wanderrlust0]

2/2

it ties into the female attention & peaking his interest even if its by the slightest. idk, like i said, this happened almost 3yrs ago when we were in a tough spot unfortunately and ive put it all behind me and weve been moving forward. i know how he feels about me & we would hate to ever lose each other. its just after hearing about this new news to me, i feel like it triggered my brain into thinking about how he can maybe feel things easily towards people. also, hes already apologized to me about the stuff in the past so i dont really feel any more of the frustrations that i felt bc at first he was not seeing my side of things and i was feeling so annoyed by that. luckily, thats all over now. i still get a little attentive when it comes to his classmates & any other girl i hear about bc then i start thinking, well is she pretty, does she like him, does he like her, how much do they talk, etc. which is just a normal girl thing..i think lol. im not totally insecure but it is easy to feel some type of way. so, i think i expressed everything i wanted to. i replied to the other guys msg and i honestly feel kinda bad for him but i hope they can work things out..

edit 7/29: not to add More things to this but.. i hung out with him today & i could tell that he felt terrible about himself for that happening & he felt like i was letting him off too easy. like, just not getting mad or lashing out i guess. im too shy to do that to him tho but i did say how i did think about it a lot & that you two were honestly stupid for doing that. also, how i did feel bad for her husband. i didnt say much more than that but if i did i just wouldve said like, you two knew it would ruin the friendship. even tho it didnt right away, look at it now. just bc you two couldnt put your sexual thoughts aside. but you know what, it just goes to show that it was always ever so slightly present since the beginning of the friendship. they both have had thoughts of fucking already & they finally caved. so he was given the chance to sleep with her & he took it bc 1, it benefited him and 2, hes been secretly wanting to do that. IM STILL NOT OVER THE WHOLE BREAK THING (kinda am) BUT I CANT DWELL ON IT. i just asgdjflk. like broT-T ..made me believe that we were just not gonna talk as much, yet still be friends. it was both of our first time trying out a break. he made me believe that wed be back together once things chilled out & we could hang out normally since it was covid year (honestly was torture & i was in one of my lowest moments). He made me be under the impression that he just needed some spaceeee. I didnt think it was to the point where he felt like he was single, ready to mingle!!! like dude didnt even wait that long to find a whatever rebound, then had the guts to cry to me about stuff i didnt understand at the time but then later found out it was over some other girl!!T-T posting a fricken poem on his story & telling me a lie. turning off his location. taking longer & longer to reply, then not replying for almost a day. But yeah sure, telling me we’d still talk during this time, just not as romantic. sending me snaps of his dealer writing a little “cute” ass note w a heart on it. whyy would your dealer even do that. like she obviouslyyy wouldnt do that for just anyone. posting on your story about something that had to do w him being available & wanting to date. until finally he starts talking to me like he used to bc oh yeah, he wants me back. meanwhile, i havent even thought of myself being single or looking to find a new romantic partner. idk, that all messed w my head soo much. AAND that stupid poem was hung up on his wall for literallyyy monthsD; i couldnt even loook at that wall while we were being intimate bc it turned me off so much & didnt have the guts to mention it. he finally replaced it w something i gave him & when i saw it i was like about time & i showed it to my friend. i got sidetracked but that was important to let out. back to his friend..me knowing that hes been cheated on & how much it has affected him, i would think that he wouldnt enable someone else to do it to their partner the way his ex did it to him?! that was another thing i wouldve told him. i guess i just didnt feel like hurting him more than he already felt about himself.. but to wrap it up, i think were done with it. he kept complimenting me all day. he feels like he should unfollow her off everything now. they honestly havent really talked in a long time & they havent been close like they used to be so its not like they talk. he just doesnt wanna be involved with her & her hubby at all after this. he said i should unfollow also. tbh, i sort of dont want to? is that weird.. i feel like i should be hating her more but i also dont feel enough hate to remove her from ig. idk..he also might ask her how her husband found out. idk its like a sticky situation bc i wouldnt describe my feelings as hurt towards everything. i felt shocked, but not completely surprised. i felt old feelings that i felt when i first found out he hooked up w people during our break & now there was more to uncover. i felt like my suspicions were proven.

[theuniverseawakens347]

You want to have a child but don’t want to have conversation with them so how many of you ended up with abortions 14 at prep pregnant or 16 or got STDs in your parents don’t know about them or got DIY ( DUIS- indian love Morgan tanning salon crystal graduation nice car recycled dick knees jeep.. Crystal left n you stayed brought Morgan in ) … ( at autocorrect NOPE TOU HOS IS ATUPID) and your parents don’t know about them or arrested your parents don’t know about it Had car accident. Your parents don’t know about the major whopping of money that your parents don’t know about!?

Speech text…

It is the major things that have happened in my life that revolve around a big sum of money. My adopted parents know about the minor things. I never had an abortion. I never stole drugs off of anybody all of these worse fucking fears for me ar things that have literally happened to her, that’s weird. You put your projections onto me but not take care of you but put me in psych words that I don’t need and make me fucking homeless and then say I’m choosing to throw my life away bitch you’re living in my ancestors house you fucking slave owner ( India love all the money you have is off of my family. You help set up for fucking murder life insurance policies or you back ended robbed will.i.am’s fucking music studio for some fucking money just to be caught on your fucking knees horribly sucking dick sorry, POPS ) 

THEN AFOPTED THE QUEEN OF THE WORKD .. and discarded Jerel like sac of empty rib slab…

This is how your mental work. This is how your life look that’s why your friends fucking left. You the ones who were the closest to you when I first got into the house and no longer support you and Howard. They’re checking in, but they legitimately do not give a fuck they’re trying to see if there’s fucking change. I haven’t been around you for about 2 1/2 months straight and nothing has changed on Lee Garlington‘s end and not on Howard either ( behind the scenes sure but not to the face .. so again you journal but not putting in action - rightful family has a due date .. BUT ALSO YOU CUD HAVE FIXED BEING IN PUR LIVES MISS “I wana adopt you to give you a better than than your birth family that’s big shot celebrities cause TRIATAN looks small and trash - based on his hair )

… that’s weird of you he was handsome on FaceTime then ya see em in person and just

“He’s not good enough” … you watched me on FaceTime for about 3 months straight laughing like kids …

🫤

Someone’s jealous THEY THREW THEIR LIFE AWAY. .. 2020 COVID how many lives I live and a strong foundation to HOW MANY BUSINESSES!??

- MY FUCKING HAPPINESS CHECKING YOUR EGO - UR BANK ACCOUNT I JUST STOLE 💋 

India love you should stop editing my Tumblr post and sending them to Woosah and whomever else in the fitness community because Shawty yes as a trainer it’s fucked up of you to promote her your page fitness I am or whatever you were but as your own self India I’m pretty sure somebody told you to stop and that’s why you stop training with who you stop training with. You started to take the lazy way out and feed your followers is fake fucking Insecure BBL lifestyle that falls back on you and the trainers your training with now you’re coming to them with my fitness guide saying I want you to just watch me do this or fill me do this so you’re paying them to promote my fitness guide bitch when you never asked me for that shit And what’s happening with you behind the scenes? How do you get my fitness guide in India? Why are you selling my shit with Evelyn Mazzio Rego? I’m suing the entire fitness community … INDIA YOURE NOT GETTING MONEY - BEYONCÉ LOST IT ALL THEN DID REAISSANCE AND I TOOK THAT BANK TOO.. NOW YOU GOING TO FEDERAL DEATH ROW FOR MAKING ME HOMELESS - the law degree you fucked for. , your knees. 

[28in2024]

I know I have a lot to catch myself up on: the breakup, buying a house, getting my GS-14 promotion, and adjusting to this new normal of being on my own. But that’s a later post because there is SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Need to brain dump this!

Monday, July 22nd - [WORK] Farewell with the team, PMA-209.

Wednesday, July 24th - [VOLLEYBALL] Played first Volo beach volleyball game at National Mall as captain. Carpooled with Charlie, first time talking talking to him and clicking fast.

Friday, July 26th - [BOYS]

1. Zach Fowler (Ohio) texted me at 4am seeing if I was down to come to Cincinnati after not talking to me for 1+ months

2. Charlie from volleyball asked me on a date via IG DM after literally 1 time hanging out. Turned him down and explained that I just got out of a long relationship and also we just met. Down to get to know each other more.

3. Had a “hangout” but pretty much a date with Cam that very expectedly lasted overnight and into the morning. Haven’t seen Cam in 3 months but had a very successful and intimate yet very wholesome date. Had KBBQ, walked around a very romantic old town at night, then I invited him over (stated not to be sus upfront) while he waits for his friend to pick him up. Watched cowboy bebop and samurai champloo then played some board games. Ended up laying next to each other on the couch at 2am and cuddled then kissed. Around 4am we both moved upstairs to my bed bc I had to get some rest before auditions!! He asked to be shirtless bc it’s hot and I told him I was too excited to sleep. He gave me a massage and we kissed some more before eventually drifting off to sleep. Made him filipino breakfast the next day and left him at the spot to Uber while I head to auditions.

Saturday, July 27th - [DANCE] Had Comeback Crew Auditions

Felt confident I did well in this 5 hour long process. Made friends along the way. Definitely got Korean fried chicken then showered and knocked out early after.

Sunday, July 28th - [FRIEND]

Went to church in the morning, ran errands, and finally visited nearby Ed’s plant world. Sean came over for the first time for homemade pasta dinner, Olympics, and good conversation.

Monday, July 29th - [VACCINE]

Got the COVID vaccine booster because I wanted to completely screw myself over for my first week at PMA-290. So sick and on Motrin around the clock the whole next day.

Wednesday, July 31st pt. 1- [WORK]

Laid out management style and team expectations to entire PMA-290 ROK P-8 team as new NH-4 case manager.

Wednesday, July 31st pt. 2- [BOYS/VOLLEYBALL/DANCE]

Carpooled with Charlie again and played second volo game. Had Zoom interview for Comeback Crew in the car on the way home.

Got McDonald’s and had good deep conversations with Charlie at my house until 11:30. I never imagined hearing “but they’re not my person” so sweet as his words. He seems like a very genuine, good guy that’s ready for something serious and aspires for marriage. Definitely interested in me and mentioned asking to hang out after volleyball season. He found out my ex boyfriend is khrystian, and I stated having khrystian and my friends on the same team is too messy to start anything with Charlie. He has a nice smile but he’s too short IM SORRY my tastes changed

Thursday, August 1st - [BOYS]

Celebrated Cam’s birthday showing him birria tacos at Mexican. Had ice cream at old town. Did advanced day one class. He texted me at the end of the night that he likes me a lot. I personally don’t feel the same. Not sure if it’s bc my social battery is crapped out or I am attracted to his appearance and not so much his personality. I need to sleep on it.

Angela also got engaged! She FaceTimed me during dinner!

Friday, August 2nd - [WORK]

Interview for FMS job at US Embassy in Rome

- we’ll see how this interview goes. I can’t help but think that if I get it, I really have a huge decision to make.

Friday-Sunday, Aug 2-4 - [FRIENDS]

Kyra and mharc coming over!

[thegoldenshi-shi]

Hello Shi-Shi!

Hope you are well. I just finished an assignment in school so I have some free time at the moment. I just saw your recent post and I really like it! The emotion it conveys to the viewer is great, with the pose and the colours and everything. I always love seeing your art Shi-Shi.

Some recent updates about my life, I guess, before I run away once more for who knows how much time. I’ve driven some now, especially on the highways! It’s nerve racking, but I like it (even if I keep a death grip on the steering wheel). I also may or may not be making a webtoon now! Or at least planning for it, which I will be drawing humans, which is a surprise as I usually draw Transformers, but I’ve recently gotten into F1 as well so I’m currently obsessed with that alongside Transformers.

Another thing— grade wars is coming up! I believe I had messaged you about it when I first came onto this page, which was,, a year ago. Oh my goodness. At least I’m pretty sure I was talking to you back then, my memory is sometimes not very good, but I’m pretty sure. So, I guess one year anniversary of knowing each other! I’m considering revealing who I am exactly soon, no matter how much having anonymous messages is fun, but then I could go by the name I go by everywhere online haha. Meister is definitely not who I’m known by, it was a spur of the moment name and I ran with it.

I can’t wait to see more of your art Shi-Shi, and talk to you again. Have a good day/night!

-Meister

Hello Meister~ I'm glad you liked my Soundwave! I'm getting over COVID again and haven't felt good at all for the past bit so that might have shown in his picture. There's a lot of other outside stressors that have really brought me down the past few days, but I'm doing better now. Getting a nice ask was a wonderful thing for me today hehe

It's good to hear that you like driving! I don't personally like driving very much, (but I'm not bad at it) but I'm glad that you do hehe. Once I relaxed (and learned to stop choking the steering wheel) it did get a lot better for me. Good luck with your webtoon that may or may not happen! A lot goes into them whether or not you actually post it, but it can be so rewarding to create one. So far as what fandoms you're into, I totally understand what you mean. I seem to constantly bounce back and forth between fandoms and never linger for long except for on a few. Transformers being one of the only constants in my fandom life. I remember you talking about Grade Wars last time, so it really has been a year huh? It seems like I haven't been talking to any of my anons for very long and then poof a date gets dropped and I'm surprised hehe.

It's always nice to hear from you Meister, and I'm glad you're doing well. Have a good day/night and good luck with your grade wars!

[miscelunaaa]

cuffing szn 3 | knj

pairing: fbi agent!namjoon x soft-bodied/plus-sized female reader

genre: strangers to lovers, an attempt at crack??, little bit of angst, smut

summary: All Namjoon wants is some peace and quiet after a long, shitty day at work. Thanks to a party upstairs and Jungkook’s sticky fingers, he’s stuck with you instead.

rating: 18+ for weighty topics and explicit sexual content

word count: 5.5k

warnings: Swearing, always. Feelings have been caught oops. MUTUAL PINING WHAT HAVE I DONE. Light angst. Getting stood up by a blind date :(. Dance parties involving cheesy pop songs :). Grumpy Namjoon :D. Creative typographical choices because this is my ART. Brotp Taekook. Tae tries to waltz in 6/8 time. Jokes about goth girls! Making out in a public place with no one else around. Lil bit of grinding, lots of tongue, etc. A reminder that Reader’s got a soft body :)

notes: So um first of all, sorry this is early? I think I'm coming down with a bug (already have a PCR test scheduled, so here's hoping it's not covid, I've been playing expert level frogger trying to dodge it) so I want to go ahead and post this a little early juuuuust in case I feel like a hot dumpster on Thursday! And like, idk, I really love this chapter, and I'm excited to share it! I don't think anyone's going to complain about an early arrival :)

notes 2: This comeback is going to be my death and destruction, alright? They look SO good?????? So I’m yeeting this into the void and getting some rest to prepare because oof I am not feeling prepared. I tend to stay pretty absent from socials around comebacks so my responses to feedback may not be immediate but I will get back to you!! Are y’all excited? It’s going to be amazing!

my masterlist | my disclaimers | read on ao3 | soft-bodied reader essay

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A week passes, and then another. Namjoon continues to linger in your mind. The ghost of his warmth on your skin, the feeling of him inside you, his flesh against yours … None of it fades. 

But it’s not just that. It’s not just physical. It’s the way he checked in that’s really stuck with you. You’ve never had that before, not from a romantic partner at least. Hoseok is good at checking in with you, and so’s Taehyung. After all, you’ve all known each other for so long that you couldn’t escape the need for it. Namjoon had done it after mere hours. There’s a value he had for your comfort. He’d taken you as you were in that moment, and he’d made your body feel good while taking efforts to put you at ease. 

There’s some part of him that’s with you, or perhaps you’d left some part of yourself with him. You’re not sure, but you still feel a pull; something keeps tugging your thoughts towards him. As time keeps slogging on for you, you wonder what would happen if you just showed up at his place unannounced, but something holds you back. You’d forgotten to ask for his number, but for that matter, he’d not asked for yours. 

You want to let it all go, and you will. You just have to let your mind’s grip relax some, and that just takes time. 

Namjoon is still haunted by the things you said to him at the party. Fuck all if you joked that you wanted a lap dance, it’s the shit you’d said before, about people in his line of work. Every time he has to sit in a car for hours on end doing surveillance on some suspected business or household, he thinks about what you said. Every time he has to sit in a meeting, updating senior agents on what he’s seen on observation duty, he thinks about the petulant cant of your hips as you crossed your arms and let your thoughts run wild and free. 

He thinks about how you listened to him suddenly offload while you’d sat with him in the stairwell. He’d been a grumpy asshole and you’d still listened to him. He has so rarely ever been given space, even if he’s not thought he deserves it. 

And then there was the softness of your body under his, your moans underneath his tongue, the way you’d looked at him after he’d sent you over the edge. He thinks about you all the time, and he cannot seem to stop, even if he wanted to. He thinks about how he’d not traded numbers with you, and feels supremely stupid. Maybe you hadn’t wanted it; you hadn’t asked for it, after all, and he’s not about to push someone if they don’t want him. 

He’s so mired in his thoughts about you that he almost misses the email from HR. They’re looking to bring a few people into an established task force that’s investigating some sketchy financial situation. It’s like any other dubious scheme run by men with too much money, but it’s what Namjoon wants to work on. He replies, asking for more information, and signs up for an interview time. 

He’s still thinking about you, and how he fucked up a chance to see you again. He’s not about to fuck up a chance to do something better with himself. 

To say that your blind date had gone poorly is an understatement. Your coworker had said he was a nice guy, and you’d trusted her. Instead, he’d never showed. 

It was sad, really. You couldn’t keep doing this thing where you pined for a man who’d likely forgotten about you by now. It’d been a month, and you were ready to go out and have fun with someone new. Even if you didn’t quite hit it off with this guy, he’d at least help get Namjoon out of your system, even if just for a little bit. 

You can’t know if you’re going to hit it off with someone or not if they don’t show up, though. As if this week weren’t hellish enough. Work’d been a nightmare recently, you’ve been yelled at by clients and your boss more than once and you just want to lie under a weighted blanket and not wake up for ten hours. This is just the cherry on top. 

This mystery man, your blind date, means nothing to you. He certainly can’t mean anything if you’ve never met him. But the fact that you were so unimportant he decided to just not fucking show up? It sucks. It’s rough. You can’t help but wonder why, but what’s the point? 

Which is why you, now a blithering mess, still dressed in your date clothes, have knocked on Taehyung’s door. You don’t need a guy to forget another. You don’t need a date to get over your shit. You need a friend or two and a movie and some hot chocolate. 

Namjoon doesn’t bomb interviews. He doesn’t. It’s just not something he does. He doesn’t find talking to people he’s trying to impress difficult, and never really has. He doesn’t have a hard time with the nerves, and he doesn’t have a hard time selling himself to a prospective employer or supervisor. And well, he looks good on paper. His marksmanship is great, his supervisors like him, and his reviews for the past year have been glowing. He needs math, accounting experience, and the ability to work clean and fast. And he has all of that. His brain is detail oriented and catches even the most minute inconsistencies when faced with walls of information. He is the perfect candidate for transferring to the unit. 

And then he went and bombed the fucking interview. 

He’s not sure what happened. And really, he doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to think about anything. He wants a hot shower. He wants his bed. He wants to talk to you but, well, just like this promotion, that ship has sailed. He hardly knew you, but he feels like you’d understand, somehow. Instead he’ll have to settle for a reheated dinner from Jungkook and the dark silence of his room instead. 

You’re not his to have, and you never were. But you could’ve been his to want. His fuck ups started with missing out on your number. And then they continued; the past month’s been fuck up after fuck up. Maybe this weekend he’ll go out, get you out of his system. 

Namjoon can hear it as soon as he steps in the hallway. Party music is thudding down into the space from a certain upstairs neighbor’s unit. It’s always on the days when he wants to be dead to the world. Like tortured clockwork. 

It’s as if that asshole knows he’s had a shit day and wants to further make him miserable.

Namjoon unlocks the door to his apartment, almost breaking the key in the lock as he goes. Jungkook’s not home, so he’s got to do all the shit by himself this time. All he does is drop his backpack on the floor before going back out immediately, stomping and slamming doors as he goes.

Taehyung is a sweet and accommodating friend, and it feels like you’ve never been more in need of that energy than this evening. After you’d gotten there, you’d changed into the comfy sweats you keep at his place for spontaneous hang outs. He’d hugged you as you cried. Even his dog, Yeontan, got in on the cuddles.

The thought hits you: a floor down lives a man that you’ve not been able to rid from your mind for the past several weeks. It’s not actually his fault, but it feels like it, in some way. You’re so frayed from this bungled blind date that you’ve got half a mind to march down there and give him a piece of your mind. For a moment, you’re so consumed by your anger and frustration and anxiety that you forgot what got you there in the first place. You’re too keyed up for the chill, restorative evening you thought you wanted and Taehyung can see this. You’re pacing in his living room and angry-crying, for fucks sake. You don’t need something to chill you out, you need to harness this weird energy and shake it out of your system. 

So instead, he calls a friend. Some thirty minutes later, Jungkook shows up with a few pizzas and a jug of store-bought lemonade.

“Oh, hey, good to see you! And with pants on, ah I’m so proud!” Jungkook’s sweet, toothy smile so bright it’s almost hard to look at, but he doesn’t act like he’s only ever seen you twice, and one of those moments in a compromising position. He acts like a dear friend. Instead of teasing you further, he wraps you in a big hug before bending down to give Yeontan kisses. “I’m sorry you’ve had a rough week. We’re gonna make it all better, okay?”

You watch as Taehyung gives him the aux cord. He even calls you over to find out what your favorite “shout along with til you cry” songs are, and he adds them all to a playlist while Tae finds plates and cups for the food. He’s so mind numbingly kind without even trying, you want to cry all over again. 

“Alright, so I do this after every bad date—"

“Jungkook, you never leave your apartment.”

“Uh, I’m here, am I not??”

“Well, yeah, but—"

“And!! I brought the food. Did. I. Not??”

“Fair,” Tae says as he crosses his arms. “So whatever you’re about to tell us to do is something you do whenever you’re sad, then?”

“Yes, fine, whatever, let me fucking finish—" He closes his eyes and takes a breath. “—Sorry, nice words. I meant that with love.”

“Anyway,” you intone, shifting your weight between your feet. 

“ANYWAY,” Jungkook claps. “I really like having solo dance parties when I have a bad day! Sometimes I just turn some music up like really loud and fucking have at it.”

Tae’s nodding as if this is sage advice, but you’re not convinced. 

“I don’t really dance though, so this won’t be cathartic? Like I’m not good at dancing. It’ll just be embarrassing.” You point at the little Pomeranian snoozing nearby on a throw pillow. “I don’t want to emotionally scar Yeontan, you know?”

“The point isn’t to be good, it’s to shake the shit out. No one here is going to judge bad dancing and you know that,” Tae shrugs.

Jungkook nods. “Exactly. We’ll start with something easy.” 

He fiddles for a moment with his phone, and a guitar riff with a mild delay starts playing over Taehyung’s robust sound system. With a few clicks and the turn of a nob, he’s got the music at the perfect volume to start feeling it and nothing else, just as the pre-chorus finishes.

“Dude, this song is so old,” Tae grins as he starts wiggling, singing along in his soothing baritone as the first verse begins  “We were victims of the night, The chemical, physical, kryptonite.”

“Her pick, not mine! But damn, it’s kind of a bop? I forgot it existed.”

The young men go from zero to an eleven out of ten as the song moves into the chorus. You can’t help but giggle as Tae takes your hands and tries to get you to start moving. 

“Alright fine, but only if you sing along with me, damn.”

“Way ahead of you, doll.” And Taehyung is on it. With him and Jungkook dancing however the fuck they want, it becomes natural for you to start moving as well, and before you know it, the song is wrapping up and something else entirely is playing.

For the first time in weeks, you’re beginning to feel a little clear. And, for the first time today, you’re beginning to feel a modicum of confidence. Dancing like an idiot with two dudes who wear their love for cheesy pop anthems on their sleeve is proving to feel better than you’d ever expected. 

Tae looses his mind to Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Jungkook sings into a TV remote to I Wanna Dance With Somebody. You laugh your way through Never Gonna Give You Up while they scream with glee about living the meme in the flesh. The fresh, effervescent hit of serotonin has your lungs filling like it’s the first time you’ve breathed in weeks. 

And then suddenly, after taking a moment to breath, Jungkook snaps, and points at Taehyung. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“More pizza.”

“Yes, and?”

Tae stands stiff as a board. “Uh. More lemonade?”

Jungkook pouts, and taps his phone. Smooth-textured synth chords start quietly playing, crescendoing as the progression moves forward. You recognize it instantly, and so does Taehyung.

“Bro.”

“Dude, I know, it’s fucking PERFECT.”

“No matter how hard I try, you keep pushing me aside, and I can’t break through, there’s no talking to you~” Tae’s smooth baritone sounds like it was made for the song, but Jungkook’s tenor chest voice sounds just as good, just a little different. And then there’s you, not even caring what you sound like at this point. You’re so happy as you sing along with them, you could burst. 

Jungkook turns the song up just the first verse finishes. 

“Do you beLEIVE IN LIFE aFTER LOVE?? I CANT FEEL SOMEHTING INSIDE ME SAY—"

Through the pounding beat and the, ahem, screaming, you can hear someone start knocking on Tae’s apartment door. He grooves over the door just as Cher leads you out of the chorus, and opens it as she’s beginning the second verse.

Just as you start singing “What am I supposed to do, sit around and wait for you“ you turn to see Namjoon’s tall form standing in the door. He’s wearing a suit, the set of his shoulders heavy, as if he’s just gotten home. When your eyes meet, it’s like you’re struck by lightning.

“Well I can’t do that—"

You freeze, falling silent as every feeling you’ve had the fortune of forgetting for the past hour comes surging back. The feelings well up, and with them, you feel tears threatening to gather as well. 

“There’s no turning back."

Jungkook hasn’t noticed that his roommate is standing in the door, it seems, because he’s still dancing and shouting like there’s no one there to judge him. Maybe he’s just immune to Namjoon’s derision. You, however, are not. He looks angry and for what? 

“I need time to move on, I need love to feel strong."

You can faintly hear Taehyung saying something to Namjoon under the music, but you’re not sure if the man’s even paying attention. His eyes haven’t left you, you can feel their weight pressing down on you like his body had pressed down on yours weeks before. 

“Cause I’ve had time to think it through—"

Namjoon’s stepping through the door. You’re not even sure if your heart is beating anymore. Your name is on his lips, but you can’t hear it. You don’t want to hear it, not in his voice.

“And maybe I’m too good for you. Oh!”

You—you can’t do this. Not after getting stood up by some complete stranger of an asshole whose choices shouldn’t matter to you. Not after thinking about the man standing before you for weeks. You like Namjoon way more than you should, and you can’t fucking do this. 

You turn to retreat. It’s what you’re best at, second only to running your mouth. Tae’s bedroom isn’t far; you’ve got a straight shot from where you’re standing in his living room. You make it half way across the room before you feel a hand slip into yours, stopping you from moving further. 

The way his hand folds against your own is seared into your memory. You know it’s him before you even muster the courage to turn.

Namjoon murmurs your name. You can’t get yourself to turn to look at him? Why the fuck are you crying? This is so embarrassing.

“Would you just look at me? Please?” His voice is low and warm. It’s not a command at all; it feels like a plea. It’s so hard to turn to face him, and yet the quiet, distressed tone makes it all the easier.

“What do you want, Namjoon?” you ask, your voice catching in your throat and cracking. 

“I—" He bites his lip. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

Before you can answer, the music suddenly changes. A low bass overlaid by a minimalist, twangy guitar riff and shimmery synth floats through the air. 

“B R O,” Taehyung groans. He picks up Yeontan, who huffs in protest, and starts dancing a clumsy waltz.

“I  K N O W,” Jungkook says back. They both have very serious looks on their faces, even as one dreamily sways his hips while the other tries to match an ill fated waltz to the 6/8 time, much to the derision of his canine partner.

“Girl you know we belong together.“

Namjoon’ throws a glare at the dancing men. “Do you numbfucks mind?” 

“I don't have no time for you to be playing with my heart like this.“

“No.” Jungkook and Taehyung say in unison, without looking up from their respective grooves. Jungkook continues, “We’re just trying to set the mood.”

Namjoon’s jaw tightens, along with his grip on your hand. You squeeze it back with an inward sigh.

“Do you want to talk somewhere quiet?” you ask. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

“You know, he acts like he hasn’t gotten trashed at karaoke to that song. And I think that’s a problem,” Jungkook says as he scrolls through his app to queue up more music. He’s still swaying to “End of the Road” as it plays and then fades out.

“He’s so straight-laced that it borders on disturbing,” Taehyung replies as he sets Yeontan down and takes a piece of pizza, now cold, from the box on his coffee table. “She loves guys like that for some reason. Just loves a dude who barely knows how to have fun. I don’t get it.”

“Eh, I can see it. Namjoon’s got a thing for people who don’t take his shit. You should have heard what she said to him at the bachelor party.”

“Oh, she told me. She was doing that thing where she couldn’t stop talking and just let shit out because she was nervous because … I mean, fucking look at him. Not that anything she said was wrong, but I doubt anyone would recommend talking like that to a stranger unprompted. And he still ended up liking her,” Tae grumbles. “Now she’s insisting that she’s not hung up on him. Which, clearly, not the case at all.”

Jungkook grimaces. “Ouch. He’s been so irritable recently and I think his crush is part of the reason. He was so pissed at himself for not getting her number.”

“Yeah she wasn’t happy about forgetting either. They might’ve managed to be more organized if you hadn’t interrupted them,” Tae says between chews.

“I barely remember it, to be honest. I saved all my memory bandwidth for that night on remembering making out with Yoongi.”

“Right! He says hi, by the way. He was there when I picked Jimin up from the dance club the other night.”

“I should call him.” Jungkook sinks into the couch after grabbing a slice of pizza with a wistful look on his face. He hardly notices Tae’s dog as he hops into his lap. “You know, thinking about it, Namjoon could’ve just asked you for her number.”

Taehyung shrugs. “He could’ve asked you to ask me to give it to you so you could give it to him. Wouldn’t have been hard.”

“And she could’ve done the same on her end too,” Jungkook chuckles to himself. “Amazing.”

“So, we’re in agreement then?”

“They’re both idiots and they deserve each other? Or—” He pauses thoughtfully. He runs his fingers mindlessly over Yeontan’s coat. “That we’re the real idiots for not facilitating it?”

Taehyung raises his glass of lemonade. “Yes. Yes to all, my bro. Anyway, let’s call Yoongi and Jimin over. I’m getting bored already without anyone around to tease.”

The stairwell is neutral ground. In the stairwell, you can talk freely, without being encumbered by how a space can feel like him, or anyone else for that matter. And, blessedly, it’s quiet.

“Another rough day at work?” you ask. 

Namjoon is sitting two steps down from you, his side brushing against your leg as he sighs and rubs his face with his hands. 

“It’s been a long few weeks, to be honest.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

For a moment, neither of you say anything. You notice that he hasn’t pulled away from you, instead letting himself rest, just barely touching you. It doesn’t feel like enough. 

“What about you?” he asks, turning to face you. His knees bump into your shins but he doesn’t move them away. It’s still not enough. “You were really upset back there. Is everything alright?”

“It’s nothing.”

Namjoon scoffs lightly, and gives you a knowing look. You feel his dark eyes lingering on your sticky, tear-stained cheeks. “It wasn’t nothing. You don’t have to talk about it but you shouldn’t devalue your feelings.”

“So what happened at work?” You take the chance to talk about him instead. It’s preferable to letting him see the insecure side of you, the one that cries over a bungled blind date, versus the one that he’s seen, the woman who freely insulted him to his face and got away with it. For a moment you’re concerned he won’t take the bait, but he finally sighs.

“I got to interview for a promotion to a different task force.“ His face tightens and he closes his eyes. “It went poorly. The guy interviewing me was disinterested and he was on his phone the whole time. Nothing I said could get more than a grunt out of him. It was so bad. And I know that other agents had an easier time. I didn’t even get a chance.”

“Mm, I’m sorry. That’s so difficult.” You have to fight to reach out and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“It is what it is. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just so fucking tired of meaningless busy work.” You watch as he leans forward, letting his forehead come to rest on your knee. You can smell the lingering base notes of his cologne wafting up from his neck. “Is this alright? I should have asked first.”

“It’s fine, Namjoon,” you say, letting your hand move to his shoulder. “I appreciate the checking in and the asking, but we’ve already kind of had sex? I’m okay with you touching me if you are.”

He hums. You can feel him relax a little as you rub your fingertips into his shoulder. The vibration of his voice travels easily through his body to your hand. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, and you still don’t have to, but I want you to know I’ll listen if you’ll let me, for what it’s worth.”

You chew on your lip. You know you need to open up. You know that dancing it off has helped only a little. And yet, it’s so hard to let yourself open up to him. You don’t want him to think you’re needy, or clingy, or any other word you’ve been called before. You want him to think you’re effortless and unbothered. But then, out of everything, you’d still rather be thought of as honest and forthcoming. 

“Um, well,” you sigh, your fingers nervously picking at your cuticles. “I haven’t dated in a while, so I thought it was time to try again.”

Namjoon looks at you expectantly. His chin rests on your knee, and you can feel his hand mindlessly playing with the cuff of your sweatpants, brushing against the ticklish skin of your ankle. You’re not sure if you’re ready to tell him about how much he’s lingered in your mind. 

You take a deep breath. “So a friend set me up on a blind date. And he stood me up. I’m really embarrassed, but I’m even more embarrassed about the fact that I was upset about it.”

“Was that why you were dancing to Cher in Taehyung’s living room?” There’s a smile on his lips. His dimples are fighting to appear, but he suppresses the smile so they’re barely even there. Just enough of a hint to irritate you but not so much so that they ruin your life.

“Yeah. Not my best moment.”

“I don’t know about that. The song’s good and it was kind of cute. You’re a goth girl, so irony’s your thing, right? What’s more ironic than liking nineties pop bangers while being kind of goth?”

“You jerk!” you groan, lightly shoving him. He hardly moves at all. He’s too solid for you to really make your point, but he rolls his head a little, exaggerating his reaction to the shove. 

“Ooo I’m so insulted,” Namjoon says as he sits up and straightens. “You really got me with that one.”

“You’re insufferable. I’m trying to be vulnerable and you’re teasing me,” you pout. It’s hard to keep the frown when he starts smiling and leaning into your space.

“I’m not teasing you, I’m just stating facts.” 

“I’m not a goth! I just like wearing black and a lot of it all at once!”

“Fine, if you say you’re not goth or emo or whatever then fine, you’re not. But you are cute, and I’d be hard-pressed to have my mind changed about that.”

The hand he was using to play with your sweats is now running fingers along the the knob of your ankle, softly dipping into the curve near the tendon at the back, and then around to the ankle bone again. A shiver runs down your spine. He’s close enough to that you can feel the body heat seeping out of his suit. He must be so warm; you just want to rip it off and watch the cool air raise goosebumps on his skin. 

Your eyes can’t settle anywhere on his face. You try to look into his eyes but it’s too much; your eyes dip to his lips, and well, the urge to bite them is too much, so then you look back up at his eyes and start the process anew.

You swallow thickly. “You think I’m cute?” 

“Yes,” he says plainly. His eyes are doing it too, you notice. He keeps staring at your mouth. “I think you’re a lot of things.”

“Like what?” you ask.

“I don’t know if you’re ready to hear me say some of them out loud.”

You’re ready to melt down the stairs. 

With a trembling hand, you reach forward, taking his tie in your hands. He watches with wide eyes, and you’re glad for it. If he was staring you down as you pulled him toward you, you’d probably loose your nerve. Even so, you yank a little too hard, and he laughs in surprise.

“Slow down, baby, just—” 

Before you can hide your face in your hands in embarrassment, he has them in his grasp, pulling you down the steps steps that separate you. Suddenly, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, you’re straddling his thick thighs with your own. Your palms rest on his shoulders, his on your waist. The change in position feels close. Intimate. Natural.

“There,” he murmurs, his eyes flickering down to your mouth, his breath shuddering as it leaves him. “Perfect.”

You move a palm to his chest, and feel his heart beating wildly against his ribs. In the quiet of the stairwell, you can feel how it beats along with your own.

“Perfect,” you whisper back.

And then you gently tug on his tie, and try again.

Kissing Namjoon again is like putting on a garment you forgot you had. It’s clear you liked it because it looks like something you’d like to wear, but it just got pushed to the side or the back of the drawer, and you almost forgot how it felt to wear. When you put it on, for the first time in however long, it fits in all the ways you love. It makes you feel good. He makes you feel good. You don’t want to stop kissing him, ever, in the same way you fret about a favorite garment eventually wearing out. What happens if he grows bored? What happens if you can’t fix the tear?

The advantage to kissing Namjoon is that he’s not a sweater, and he’s not about to get pushed aside in the drawer; not with the way his tongue sinks into your mouth or the way his hands drift down from your waist to grip your hips. He makes you feel incredible. What were you thinking about again?

His legs spread, pushing you into his chest, your own legs spreading in the process. The soft, rolling curves of your body mold into the firm lines of his. His hands palm at your ass, feeling how the flesh fills them, and he uses the leverage to pull you even closer.

He’s half hard already, just from this. You can feel yourself clench as he groans at the feeling your core against his his own. You grind down on him, just a little, just to see what happens. The muscles in Namjoon’s body tense, and you could swear you feel his cock twitch against you. When you do it again, with a little more confidence this time, he whimpers into your mouth. His hands slip under the hem of your hoodie, fingers skating around your waist, trying to hold you close as his own hips start working. It might be a little stilted, because of the limitations of sitting on the stairs, but his desire to be closer to you remains. The grind of his pelvis against yours has you sighing and keening into his kisses quietly. He tongues at your mouth, his fingertips brushing against your heated flesh. It’s fervent, it’s heady, it’s everything.

He nips at your bottom lip as he abruptly pulls away. His breath shakes as he stills beneath you. Instead it turning up the heat any further, he lets it simmer as he rests his forehead against yours. You whine in frustration; it seems hardly fair that you’ve wound each other up, just to stop.

“I need a minute,” he says, his hot breath fanning over your face.

“Okay. We should probably go somewhere else if we want to continue anyway.”

“Mmhm.” He’s so quiet, so suddenly still, that you’re almost concerned you’ve done something wrong. “I’ve been thinking about this for weeks. Wanna get it right this time.”

“Does your bedroom door have a lock?” you joke. Namjoon wordlessly nods, before pulling back with a sigh and running a hand through his dark hair. 

“I want to talk some more too. I—I’ve got a lot of thoughts buzzing around and I want to keep my head clear,” he says. There’s tension underpinning his tone. It’s like he’s hesitating, or trying to hold back.

“Hey.” You cup his face with your hand. His eyes meet yours as your run your thumb over the smooth plane of his cheekbone. Your heart trills in your chest. “I’ve been thinking about you too, you know.”

Namjoon’s full lips part for a moment, as if he’s about to say something, but nothing comes. Slowly, he lets relief surface in his features, letting a slow breath out as he relaxes. He moves his hands again, clasping them behind your back to keep you close. Finally, he asks:

“Is that why you tried going on a blind date?” 

“Yeah. I hate to admit it, but yeah. I was hoping that I could just get over the lingering attachment. It felt really stupid to still be hung up on you, even after a few weeks.” You feel the weight beginning to lift from your shoulders as you talk about how you feel. You don’t understand why you thought keeping the matter mum was a good idea; Namjoon wouldn’t judge you for something like that. “Instead, I got to see you. It’s what I really wanted in the end.”

“Have I mentioned yet that I’m really glad that asshole didn’t show?” He leans into your touch and murmurs, “I know it was upsetting for you and I hate that the whole situation made you feel that way, but I’m also a selfish dick. I want you for myself.”

“I’m not sure it counts as selfish if I want the same thing.”

“Noted.” He turns his head and kisses your palm. He moves his jaw to kiss the skin again but this time, his tongue drags along the fine lines etched there. You shiver when he makes eye contact; he looks like he’s ready to rip you apart. This man turns on a dime and you like it far too much for your own good. “We should head down.”

“Lead the way.”

Thank you for reading! Drop me an ask and tell me what you think. Find me in various places at my carrd :)

©miscelunaaa 2022. My work is only found on this blog and under my ao3 pseud. Do not, under any circumstances, copy or repost my work.Thank you.

posted: 6.7.2022

[avintagekiss24]

Hi! I don't want to start anything on here and am always willing for civil conversations. At this point there's so much I've found out about Seb (besides the video he liked, the tommy lee thing, and the girlfriend thing) that I feel so guilty if I would continue to support him. I love him sm but it just doesn't look good rn. He is associated/follows an organisation (for helping veterans) that has posted a blue lives matter flag picture and who's co-founder has sexual assault allegations against him, and worked with him in 'The last full measure'. His friend Paul Walter Hauser has done blackface in the past, and when called out on it he just listed a few people that also did blackface. There's more, I found a discussion on here that I can link. I seriously don't support "cancel culture" bc I don't think it helps anyone but there are just a lot of 'mistakes' and shady people that can be linked to Seb, I wish it wouldn't be that way. I honestly don't know what to think about it anymore.

Hi! I’m also open to having civil conversations and I don’t believe you’re trying to start anything. I really do think this situation of dragging up a four year old video and taking it completely out of context is harmful not just to Black people, but to fandom/activism in general. This is gonna be long because I’m going to take your points one by one, and I want to preface this by saying that I will not answer any derogatory, sideways asks pertaining to this subject. I will delete every single one and will block your silly ass. I’m not going to argue with people who think I’m blindly supporting Sebastian because I’m just trying to get fucked by him, or people who think I hate myself and am trying to appease some white man.

So, on with the discourse!

The video he liked - this video was taken completely out of context and that is my main issue with this whole situation. It was not a video of a white man saying that he thinks he should be able to say the n word as everyone claimed it was. They were quickly debating on whether or not it's okay to say in rap lyrics. He was told no, that's not okay, that's never okay and they moved on from it. That's it. End of story. That somehow was twisted into a click bait style headline of "Sebastian Stan likes a video of a white man defending his right to say the n word" when that is absolutely not true. My other issue is that people are more upset that Sebastian liked the video than they are about the white man in the video literally saying the n word. So, do you really care about the use of the n word like you're claiming? Cuz if you do, you'd be more upset at the white man that said the word than you would be about the white man simply liking the video. Or, are you just using this as an excuse to grandstand against a white man you don't like?

The Tommy Lee thing - Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee does not make Sebastian Stan a bad person. Is Charlize Theron a bad person for playing Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who started murdering men? Is Leonardo DiCaprio a bad person for playing a slave owner? Is Edward Norton a bad person for playing a nazi sympathizing racist? Actors play bad people. That doesn't mean that they themselves are bad people. 1990's Tommy Lee was a bad person, but that should have no bearing on who Sebastian Stan is or his character as a man.

The gf/Paul Walter Hauser thing - Why are we holding Sebastian accountable for what the people around him are doing? Again, why are we more upset that Sebastian is associated with people who have done questionable things than the specific people themselves? I'm not going to speak on the kimono wearing -- I'm not Asian. It's not my place to say whether or not its offensive because it's not my culture, but she posted that picture and attended that party before she started dating Sebastian, quite possibly before she even knew him. Same with Paul. I think that black face thing was long before he knew Sebastian. Now, if Sebastian was defending these actions, going around saying "I think it's okay for white women to wear Kimono's" "I think black face is fine" "I think white people should be able to say the n word" then we'd have a different story, wouldn't we? But that's not what we have, and that's not what he is doing. He is not responsible for the things his friends do or have done in the past just because he's more famous than they are, and he is not required to speak on them. Let's put it this way -- would you be comfortable having to be responsible for something a friend of yours did before you knew them? Would you want to have to be forced to answer for your friend when you yourself had nothing to do with the questionable behavior?

The organization that supports the military/blue lives matter - Sebastian cannot control what message that foundation puts out and it does not mean that he is or is not pro-police himself. There is not enough concrete evidence -- if any evidence for that matter -- that Sebastian is a blue lives matter supporter. Did Sebastian donate before they put up the blue lives matter post? Or after? I don’t know, cuz I don’t follow him that closely, but if he donates before they come out with a particular stance, that means he should be held accountable for that? I know I donated to an organization once and they turned out to support something that i’m 100% against. That means I’m a bad person because I couldn’t see into the future? Another point, how can we be certain that Sebastian saw the blue lives matter post in the first place? I know I’m not online 24 hrs a day, I miss posts all the time and I’m just an average person. I make three or four tumblr posts a day, and I’m gone. I have to play catch up on social media, and even then, I still miss stuff. So I’m sure the same happens to a working actor. As for the co-founder, I don't know who this person is and would rather not get into any allegations against them because I don't want to trigger anyone who comes across this post. If Sebastian knows about these allegations, is a willing participant/supporter of this person then yeah, that's pretty shitty, but we don't know the inner workings of this friendship/acquaintance/work relationship. We don’t know how close they are or if they even still speak.

I’m a pretty big fan of Don Cheadle. He’s a stand up guy, he’s a great actor, he’s funny, he’s political and stands up for what he believes in and in a very public way. I support him. Don Cheadle is also friends with Chris Evans, RDJ, Mark Ruffalo, and Letitia Wright (just to name a few). Chris Evans has a bipartisan forum that highlights/promotes right wing politicians, RDJ defended Chris Pratt during the whole “he’s the worst Chris in Hollywood” crap, who’s technically done black face, and who once said to a female reporter “nice tits” when she walked into the room, Mark Ruffalo just walked back his support of Palestine, and Letitia Wright retweeted/supported an anti-vaxxer/anti-trans Pastor who equated an ingredient of the covid vaccine to the devil because it contained some parts of the word Lucifer. Does that mean Don is now a bad person because he’s friends with these people? Why isn’t he getting any heat for his friendships with them? Why isn’t he being held accountable for what they’ve done and said? Oh right, because he’s not a white fave. So people don’t care one way or the other, which brings me to my next point. 

I can guarantee you that if Sebastian’s gf or Paul or this co-founder were not associated with Sebastian in any way, nobody would give a shit about her wearing a kimono, about Paul doing black face, or about the co-founder/organization being blue lives matter supporters and in that lies the actual problem. Being critical of people and their actions should be consistent and should happen all the time -- not just when they interact with your white fave. That’s when it becomes performative and looks like you just want to be able to show internet people that you follow/support/stan unproblematic celebrities, when really, you don’t care.

I think the moral of this post is that I think it's unfair to hold a complete stranger to a standard that I cannot hold myself to. I also don't view celebrities the way most teenagers/twenty somethings do, and that’s because when I entered fandom we didn't have social media, so I grew up with a wall between myself and said celebrities. There is no wall now with the presence of social media. "Fans" nowadays have a weird ownership feeling over celebrities because they can read their personal thoughts or view personal pictures and think that they have this personal quasi-friendship with them. I can't get on board with that. I prefer having the wall and I still keep the wall.

If supporting Sebastian makes you uncomfortable, then by all means, stop supporting him. Just make sure you are making this decision for yourself based on credible sources and concrete evidence and that you're not letting this fake woke activist mob make you feel uncomfortable. Internet activism means nothing unless you put your money where your mouth is in your real life and 90% of the social justice internet warriors do not. Real activism is bigger than changing your avi to a black square.

[bts-reveries]

the most beautiful moment in life | epilogue

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life.

We all knew that to get to the pretty parts of life, you’d have to get ugly first. 

Hey, no pain no gain right? 

Well I hope you liked our most beautiful moment in life. Thank you for going through the good, the bad, and the ugly. For running after Hana with Yoongi when she saw the grand opening of 24/7 Heaven. For walking with Huimang to Hobi’s door. For riding the train to Ilsan with Byul to meet Namjoon. For being with Jimin when he was scared and alone with Mingyu. For being with Taehyung when he finally met the one. For being with Jungkook and Rina when they got engaged. And for being with Jin and Mae when their perfect life wasn’t so perfect after all. 

It was happy, it was sad, sometimes it made us mad… but I mean, that’s what we have to go through sometimes right? Not only does it make the story more interesting, haha, but it happens in real life. As cheesy as it sounds, rainbows come after the rain.  

We started off happy, then went to parts that made us sad or angry.

That’s just what you go through to be happy sometimes.

The boys, the girls, the kids, they all fell apart at one point, only to reach their happy ending.

So hey

If you ever feel like you’re falling apart, maybe you’re just falling into place.

Maybe

Just maybe

You’re about to reach the most beautiful moment of your life.

Because right now, in real life, away from this one, we are all going through the same thing.

Yeah, the pandemic.

I know we don’t all live the same exact lives, but we all had it rough this past (almost) two years.

We might’ve lost a job, a loved one, connection with friends, got sick, got depressed, felt scared, and so much more. Because I have. Not every single one of those in that list, but most of them. 

If you were here since daddy duties, that was the start of the pandemic. I believe the lockdown in my country happened when I was posting the intro for that. How crazy?!

For most of us, this AU has been a little escape. A world without covid as someone once said. Actually, a lot of you have told me that reading this AU and receiving notifications for updates etc. are what makes your day. Which means so much to me of course!

“Hey Miya.”

I look up from my laptop to see Jin standing there in front of my desk here at work. 

“Hey Jin, do you need anything?” I ask, closing my laptop. I always brought my personal laptop to work for whenever it gets quiet. Being a receptionist here at Moon Studios is pretty fun, but of course, it does get boring sometimes. 

“No, no, I’m good. I actually am about to head home, but Yeonjun is still here,” Jin tells me. He has a smile on his face. “You two should go out, isn’t your shift over in a few?”

“Uh.. yeah it is,” I say, letting out a shy laugh. “Sure, um. I’ll just finish this up and I can go and meet him.” Jin nods.

“Okay, I’ll text him to come down soon. See you again tomorrow,” he says, walking away.

“See ya!”

Okay, anywho.

This was fun. A lot of us have a special connection with these characters and don’t want to see them go. Some want to see Rina and JK get married, I mean, we have all been anticipating it since the beginning right? Some want Sarang and Hobi to finally have a baby. And some just want to see the kids grow up. 

Because, well… 

Life Goes On

!note to readers!

This is in the span of a few years, not everyone’s first pic, second pic, etc. is on the same timeline (does that make sense?)

The instagram post shows a preview of their lives after the most beautiful moment in life. No, they did not all get engaged around the same exact time, nor did they all get married the same time/year, and had kids at the same time lol. It just shows that after the most beautiful moment in life they went on with their lives and got engaged, got married, had kids etc.

It could be the same year or different years. (ex. Rina and JK could of gotten married the same year Sohyun and Yoongi got engaged and around that time, Sarang and Hobi got pregnant.)

No years or dates were specified in this epilogue.

Also, the OCs instagram profiles are in the order of the AU’s release, not the dates of when the events of their lives happened!

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻

the most beautiful moment in life 

☻ epilogue ☻

pairings: BTS x OCs (yoongi x sohyun, hoseok x sarang, namjoon x byul, jimin x yuna, taehyung x bora, jungkook x rina, seokjin x mae)

a/n: now this wraps it up! i felt like i said everything i needed to say already up there. but here’s a bit more. this au is so so so dear to my heart. never have i ever thought it would make it this far. nor did i ever think that i would have this many people reading it! i have made so many friends from this series. you all have a special place in my heart! thank you to everyone who followed along since the very beginning, and even the ones whom just found out about us in the last member’s au. i didn’t think i’d be so attached to these characters, so just like a lot of you.. i want a part two. so with that being said, the most beautiful moment in life goes on. let this be a “part two” to the series, although it will be completely different in terms of format (???) i’ll have an official post on it later this week! until then, this isn’t good bye :)

taglist: @ramyagovindraj​ @sope-and-shine​ @jayhope88​ @casspirit0705​ @mygooie0 @fan-ati--c​ @spacxmann​ @princessjazzyjazz​ @sugaaddiction​ @ephyra1230​ @starlitemotions​ @alittlestudycorner​ @justinetingball​ @somewhereofftheglobe​ @ygbubs​ @salty-for-suga​ @momma-said-that-it-was-oke​ @mikrokosmicjoon​ @taekookcaneatme​ @betysotelo18​ [photos found via instagram and pinterest (mostly pinterest, so most of the pictures are unknown) here are the baby’s instagram:

jin: wooju_mom

namjoon: 2ah.in

yoongi: kimibbong1317

hoseok: nayun_mom

jimin: p_aiou

taehyung: no instagram, found on pinterest (jhanuul)

jungkook: tokki.daram]

[jmdbjk]

BTS’s first day in my life...

I have no idea because I am terrible at dates and anniversaries. Jimin would hate me in that regard. 

I am a rock n’ roller at heart with classic rock as my foundation, but I really listen to almost anything except hardcore rap. I have days upon days of new and old country music, rock, jazz, dance music, new and old pop, disco, blues, alt rock, even boy band pop in my music library. Hanson anyone? MMMbop was fun! I used to listen to an eclectic playlist. But these days my playlist is exclusively BTS. Never in a million years would I have thought this would happen.

This is a rough idea of how my becoming Army played out. Also very long. Sorry. There will be a reward at the end. 

It is sometime in 2019...

Me: is bored with the current new music being produced, all the songs sound the same or I cannot relate or they are rapping about (excuse my language) putting their dick in a pussy. Lyrically, music made me sad because there seemed to be no magic in writing lyrics anymore. 

So I decide to try some new genres ... hmmm, what is this K-pop stuff? Proceeds to pull up the K-pop genre in Apple Music and listens to snippets...I decide I like a song by SuperM called “100″ and another called “Jopping.”  That’s about it. It also had a compelling (to me), well edited music video. Also, it is almost entirely in English. Ok, this isn’t bad. Don’t ask me who the individuals were in that group because I have no clue. I think one or more of them are Jimin’s friends? They are all very handsome.

There are a few other music videos by some other groups that are intriguing. At the time, the visuals I was seeing were very different from what I had seen before. The music video production was different. This isn’t bad at all. 

Also me: but what are the most popular K-pop songs...proceeds to search and sort and discovers it is BTS, the group I mostly passed over. I don’t remember what songs I sampled that made me pass them over in my first foray.  I am pretty sure it was because they sang in Korean and I couldn't understand the lyrics. 

Nevertheless, I take a look at some videos. They sure are pretty for men. They dance really, really good. And their visuals hit me in a personal way but I don’t know if I even was aware of it then. The songs were very appealing, even though I couldn't understand a damn thing. I sure like this Boy With Luv song. Ok, this isn’t bad, these guys are pretty good... Still not really into them though.

Its early 2020 and I saw the Carpool Karaoke and the Jimin effect snatched my sense away. Here is my Carpool Karaoke moment blog post. I started investigating BTS but I STILL didn’t start doing any deep diving. I still was not on social media for BTS at this time. I watched a few videos on YouTube but not obsessively. At that time I was mostly watching the BigHit (now HYBE) channel. And I noticed the MOTS: 7 on the charts. I was still “normal.” But damn, that blonde guy is HOT.

Then COVID hit...

It is March of 2020 and I am sitting at home like the rest of you and wondering what the hell is going on in the world. And like many of you, through the confusion and stress, I spent a lot of time online trying to escape the upside down world. Though I went back to work before a lot of others in the U.S., the need for escapism was strong and as soon as I got home I would pull up my YouTube and watch more Jimin. 

I watched Jimin compilations and reactions to Jimin on YouTube. Once you “Jimin, you can’t Jim-out.” Men questioning their sexuality because of Jimin...etc, we’ve all seen it. Sort of embarrassing now but that’s how it played out. 

And because of this, I was served some VMin by YouTube. The Bon Voyage when they were in Hawaii and Tae read his letter to Jimin clenched my heart and made me cry. Jimin’s reaction to it made me want to investigate that relationship more. Tae seemed very emotionally invested. Jimin...not so much. But as I dug up more instances of their relationship, I learned more about their individual personalities. Jimin expresses with his body, not with his words. Okay, this is becoming more interesting. I hardly paid any attention to Jungkook. Poor Kookie...

But I still had not fallen down the rabbit hole. I was not on Twitter, certainly had not found Tumblr bloggers yet. I still spent a lot of time on non-BTS Instagram and Facebook. And I worked full time in between bouts of isolation or working at the office, whatever the situation happened to be, because it was so up and down back then. I was still enjoying my eclectic collection of genres on my Apple Music playlist.

Jimin’s dancing was mesmerizing and I watched as much on YouTube as I could. I spent hours upon hours on YouTube. I was learning little by little and realized I had a bias. All this time, I was never served any Jikook. But I did see some TKK. I couldn’t watch it because the editing was terrible and the graphics pointing things out were so obviously made for manipulation that I just avoided it from that point. I also watched YouTuber reactions to BTS music videos.

Then came Dynamite. 

Oh lawd, Jimin. I began to really question myself. Why am I so attracted to this human? I mean, he caught my attention before and I’ve fallen in love with his dance skills and he and Tae are adorable. But the feral feelings that Jimin started to bring out in me were...surprising? shocking? confounding? He was/is the most beautiful human I’ve ever laid my eyes on. How can he be so pretty and be male? Wow, the questions, the confusion, the lust...HE’S NOT EVEN MY TYPE!!! Oh yes he was, because he was blonde. I am a sucker for a good looking blonde man. But he was still so...pretty, and that was not my usual. In retrospect, I see where my western gaze was so boxed into whatever I had always been exposed to, until now. Dammit, Jimin-ssi!!!!!

And what the ever loving hell was this?

I still had my weird playlists playing but I had some BTS in the mix.

I STILL DID NOT SLIP INTO THE RABBIT HOLE!!! BUT I WAS DANCING ALL AROUND IT UNTIL....

Why did it take me until Butter to finally fall into that hole????

I was now paying full attention when the Butter MV premiered. Jimin had me in a chokehold. I love every Butter remix video. The rainbow hair, Oh. My. God. Oh, hey purple, long-haired Jungkook...cutie...hmm. I was watching more and more full BTS content. I was paying more attention to the relationship dynamics more closely and seeing JM and JK more and more and they always made me question what exactly was going on there. I started digging. And I began to question my notions about male relationships. Do Korean men really hang all over each other like that? Is that normal for them? The entire k-pop/idol culture was new but I soaked up as much information as I could to learn how it all worked, what was the norm, what is the fan/idol dynamic. I was a goner. I watched and rewatched. I went back and rewatched stuff I watched before, and finally saw it. Jimin and Jungkook were definitely NOT like the others. 

I finally started seeing more of the TKK stuff trying to come up on YouTube but I was already “um no” that’s all fake shit. I never once thought there was something between JK and Tae however, being new, there were moments that made me pause, but because I have watched SO much content now, I know what to call those interactions: fan service. Yes, I said it. 

Then came Permission to Dance. I love that song for its intent. 

The month after PTD dropped, I was searching hardcore for more of Jimin and Jungkook. I needed answers. This is when I finally found Tumblr. I had blogged before, years ago, but it had been a long time. I really didn't think Tumblr was still a thing anymore. The first blog I read was Goldy’s. Her point of view opened my eyes. Though I thought I was open-minded, I realized how influenced I was by my western culture. This really felt like a revelatory moment for me because I think up until then, there was this denial in the back of my thoughts as to what the nature of Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship could be. I am still at 99% though because personally, I feel like I owe them that 1% of deniability as respect in case I am wrong about what I think because as we say, NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE. That’s just me though. Everyone else is free to think what they want. I followed a bunch more tumblr accounts. 

My first tumblr blog post was a reblog of @akookminsupporter ‘s post on October 15.  My music playlist is exclusively BTS now. I have a short playlist of my favorite songs that I rotate out for some variety. And I have another playlist that is their entire discography (except for Japanese versions) and I play that on shuffle all day long. I revamped my Twitter account just for BTS. In October 2021, we were all in the middle of watching In the Soop 2. Jimin’s birthday V Live was exploding on social media. We were gearing up for their LA trip. It all seems like yesterday. 

Then came their individual Instagram accounts... I revamped my Instagram just for BTS. Its neverending y’all. I am loving every second of it.

So, as you can see, I am still relatively new here, though I am not new at blogging. I am just new at blogging about BTS. I was just very zig-zaggy and slow coming around to some of these concepts. I am claiming my status as full-fledged Army because I have watched weeks upon weeks of content AND I WILL NEVER GET TO WATCH ALL OF IT, THERE IS SO SO MUCH!!  I will never be able to go back and experience all those years in real-time, but all the same content is still there for anyone to watch. 

 I just received my Hangul workbooks. In just a few days I can already read some Korean words though I still don’t know what they mean, but I will soon! FIGHTING!

[garc-i-a]

Why JATP Is Taking a While to Get Officially Renewed

Thought I would put my thoughts into words on the renewal situation. We know that the show was released on Netflix on September 10, 2020. As of today, it has been 242 days (10 May 2021). Julie and the Phantoms was released under Netflix Family, marking it as a children’s show on the streaming service. It was released in the middle of the second wave of the coronavirus (in the US) that has swept the world over. The show was created by Kenny Ortega, legendary choreographer and director.

To start off, we have to acknowledge that we ARE in a pandemic. Due to that, things have been touch and go in so many industries. That includes the TV/Film industry as well. The US and Canada, the two countries involved in making the show, have to follow the rules and laws related to COVID regardless of what people in the industry want. With that, we have to pay attention to what is going on with the pandemic to know how to go about filming. 

As of right now, Canada still has closed borders from the US to nonessential travel. To get into Canada as a foreigner you have to be going for a specific reason and follow all the Covid related travel rules. To read more about this, you can go to canada.ca and type in for traveling during the pandemic. Not to mention that for a lot of areas in Canada, they are still essentially in lockdown because of the now rising numbers in the country. Charlie’s home province of New Brunswick is still pretty restricted. 

Regarding vaccinations, although the United States has been slowly getting people vaccinated, Canada has had issues with getting vaccinations and don’t nearly have as many vaccinated. It is only just a few days ago that New Brunswick started administering vaccinations in the last few days. The vaccinations are only for people who are 50+ who fall into specific medical condition guidelines. For British Columbia, where the show is filmed, vaccines started getting administered the third week of April. It is believed there is a chance of getting all* adults vaccinated by mid June. My source for this information is from a native New Brunswicker and a CTV News article.

For the cast, getting vaccinated is paramount. Owen is already vaccinated. Madison’s dad is also vaccinated so it is likely she is as well or part way there. Now for people who are NOT vaccinated yet, most vaccines are administered in two doses. The doses are done about three weeks apart (I am partially vaccinated and my first dose was already done and second is next week). This knowledge is important as people need to be aware of the timing of these things. The amount of time between vaccines and for everyone in the cast and crew is essential for everything to go smoothly with filming.

One of the big things that I have seen a lot is the outrage at other shows on Netflix being renewed before Julie and the Phantoms. There is a two fold answer to this. To start off, we have to remember that because of this pandemic, things take longer to process to be extra diligent and that more money is be used to cover for reconstructions and accommodations due to Covid. Knowing these two things, let’s delve into the renewals of other shows.

Some of the other shows that have been renewed are Fate: The Winx Saga, Bridgerton, Ginny and Georgia, and Emily in Paris. The big difference between these shows and Julie and the Phantoms is the fact they are not in the Netflix Family category. They are considered content for adults or young adults. Netflix has different rules on their shows that are put out on the regular platform versus the family section. Netflix Family rarely posts when a show is renewed so far from its premiere date for the next season. So in that respect, Julie and the Phantoms wouldn’t be given a huge announcement for the next season’s renewal if it follows the pattern of Netflix Family’s marketing.

Tying into this the matter of where the rest of the shows are filmed and the backing behind them in regards to production. The Winx show and Bridgerton are filmed in the UK, Ginny and Georgia is filmed in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and Emily in Paris is filmed on location in France. The reason that this matters is because these places have different rules for working during this pandemic, the vaccinations levels, and the threat of getting sick from Covid. These shows are also connected to larger properties or influential individuals*. Vancouver is a popular city to film in, of course, but it has been dealing with an uptick in cases as well as in a different province than Ginny and Georgia, and as such has their own rules. We cannot take into the likes of Riverdale or other shows that are filming right now in Vancouver. Lots of these shows were renewed and set to film already when the pandemic hit. They do not factor into things.

The last part of this is the production costs for making the show. As mentioned before, Vancouver is a popular city to film in. Due to the pandemic, it costs more to film because the need to have extra precautions, regular Covid testing, and etc. We know that there were shows that were initially renewed by Netflix but then canceled after the fact. The reason for this is that Netflix likely realized the cost to produce the shows would be too much and not in the best interest of the cast, crew, and any companies involved in the middle of such a huge reaching pandemic.

Compared to other shows in the Netflix Family section, Julie and the Phantoms has a high production level. I did some research on the Netflix originals in the section and the shows on there are either very low budget or have a backing from a franchise/company (ex. Baby Boss, Fast and Furious, Jurassic Park). Julie and the Phantoms does not have that. It is not connected to an established franchise or a large company. It is simply made by the likes of Kenny Ortega who does not skimp on anything in his productions. Kenny has stated that he is not willing to let the grandness of the show suffer because of the pandemic. The show has many crowd scenes and dancing sequences that require a lot of people. The show won’t be what it is without this. Based on this, we know that Netflix wants to be absolutely sure they can go forth with filming before announcing a renewal.

And there you guys go. All the information that I looked into and checked for this piece. I hope this helps many people understand what is going on why it is taking longer for the show to get renewed. It is not that Netflix doesn’t want to renew it. It is a matter of HOW and WHEN. If that makes sense. If you have any questions about what I wrote, you can leave a comment or DM me.

all*- Some individuals may not wish to be vaccinated

influential individuals*- There are people connected to some of the shows that have a standing within the media and the finances or awards to warrant being a part of the show or it being made at all.

Amendment

I was informed by my source in New Brunswick that vaccines have been administered since January but the qualification for who is eligible for the vaccines can change from week to week.

Amendment 2

Reuters has reported that children aged 12-15 are able to start getting the vaccine today (13 May 2021). So that means that Jadah and Sonny (15 and 13, respectively) will be fully vaccinated by the middle of June.

Amendment 3

A few days ago a local upstate New York newspaper wrote about Canada starting the process of opening up borders again. The process is in the beginning stages so there is no announced date(s) on the border reopening but it is in the works.

Amendment 4

A show called Firefly Lane has been renewed for a season 2. This is important because Firefly Lane is filmed in the same area of British Columbia as Julie and the Phantoms. British Columbia is getting better in regards to vaccinations and so this proves good news of a season 2 announcement for Julie and the Phantoms.

Amendment 5

It was reported on 21 or 22 June 2021 that Canada will relax quarantine rules for vaccinated Canadian citizens, permanent residents, and foreign nationals for essential work. This new system will go into effect 5 June 2021. If you are fully vaccinated and pass rules set by the government, you will NOT have to abide by the hotel quarantine steps when entering the country. That means that the JATP cast and crew can get to filming right away instead of quarantining beforehand. To read more about this: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.lonelyplanet.com/amp/articles/canada-border-reopening

Amendment 6

On Charlie’s live yesterday (28 June 2021), Madison said that she got the second dose of the vaccine earlier in the day. In 14 days, she will be good to go on going out and such. Hopefully Jadah and Sonny have gotten at least their first dose. Gets us closer to being able to have the cast and crew together for the show.

Amendment 7

The National Law Review published an article on 2 July 2021 saying that fully vaccinated individuals will be able to travel between Canada and the US on 21 July or possibly sooner. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says he wants 75% of Canadians to be fully vaccinated before allowing the border to be opened. With current numbers, it is believed this will be achieved in a few weeks time.

Amendment 8

The New York Times just reported that fully vaccinated Americans could be allowed into Canada by mid August and that people from other countries could be allowed to enter by September.

Amendment 9

It was just reported about two hours ago that Canada will allow vaccinated Americans in on 9 August. That is exactly 3 weeks from now on a Monday. Now all we have to focus on is protocols for safety while in Vancouver while filming.

[4stars-uswnt]

My Muse, My Valentine [Christen Press x Reader]

requested by anon: Not sure if you’re accepting any request but can you write a cp x photographer gf where her gf surprised her at man u, like her gf secretly transfer there to be with cp. Thanks

A/N: please ignore some of the inconsistencies this story has with reality :) but anyways... hope you enjoy and have a happy Valentine’s Day (tomorrow) and remember it’s a day about LOVE, whether that be romantic, platonic, familial, or self ❤️

“I’m gonna miss you,” you whine, as you watch your girlfriend pack her suitcase.

“I know, babe. I’m gonna miss you too, so much.” Christen leans down to quickly peck your lips, before continuing to fold her clothes.

You and Christen had been dating for almost three years now, having met after you’d photographed one of the USWNT’s matches. You instantly felt an attraction to the curly-haired forward, your camera always drifting towards her wherever she was on the pitch.

After you’d posted a couple of your photos on your Instagram, which Christen made a point to like and repost, you gathered up the courage to approach her after a game, and thus began your relationship.

With yours and Christen’s busy schedules, it was sometimes hard to find time for each other, but you made it work, sharing an apartment in Portland during the offseason and flying out for matches when you could. But being a sports photographer did have its benefits, as your work often led you to spending more time with your girlfriend and admiring her speed down the field and score goals.

But now, with the pandemic, as the NWSL was struggling to field games,  you found yourself with little work. Christen herself was not quite satisfied with the league’s plan for the season, so when Tobin proposed the idea of going to the WSL, she desperately wanted to, yearning to get back on the pitch.

At first, when Christen approached you with the subject, you immediately opposed, not wanting to be so far from your girlfriend for such a long amount of time. Additionally, with COVID, it would be nearly, if not completely, impossible for you to visit. But after a blowout fight and discussing it further, you realized that this is what would be best for Christen and her career.

“Do you have to go?” You pout, sitting up and moving to the end of the bed.

“You know I do, (Y/N/N).” Christen playfully rolls her eyes.

“Humph.”

“Babe, come on, don’t make me feel worse about leaving you.”

“Then don’t,” you quip, grabbing your girlfriend by the waist, pulling her down on the bed with you.

“Babe!” Christen squeals, as you blow raspberries into her skin.

You lift your head from the crook of her neck, your eyes locking with hers. “I know that you have to go,” you admit seriously. “Doesn’t mean I like it, but I know that this is what’s best for your career.”

“Thank you, (Y/N),” she says earnestly, giving you a small smile. “We’ll text and FaceTime everyday.”

“I’m holding you to that.” You cup her face and bring her in for a kiss, savoring the feeling of her soft lips on yours. “I also know that you’re gonna kill it over there in Manchester. The WSL isn’t gonna know what hit them.”

Christen ducks her bashfully, a small blush arising on her cheeks. “You know I love you, right?”

“Of course, Chris. I love you, too.”

“Good.” She gives you a quick peck, as she gets up from the bed. “Now, either quit bothering me or help me. My flight is early tomorrow morning, and I haven’t even finished packing.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

—————

It had been a little over five months since you’d dropped Christen off at the airport and she left for Manchester. Despite the constant texting and the nightly FaceTime calls, you couldn’t help but ache for your girlfriend. Without her, the apartment was lonelier and the bed felt bigger.

It had helped that your work had started back up, first with some freelance work and then with the NWSL fall series starting, which gave you something to do and kept you fairly busy.

Currently, you were sitting at the kitchen counter, sipping on a cup of coffee, as you edited some photos for the Thorns. Just as you were saving your work and closing Lightroom, about to shut your computer, a ping alerts a new email in your inbox.

Switching tabs, you notice the message is from an unfamiliar address, so you presume it’s a new client. You click and open it, your eyes widening, as you scan the email:

Ms. (Y/L/N),

I noticed your professional portfolio through many referrals, particularly your work form the World Cup. I am writing on behalf of the BBC News Media Centre, and we’re looking for an excellent sports photographer to join the team, specifically to cover the FA Women’s Super League and the Premier League.

Your experience is outstanding, adn your work speaks for itself. I think you’d be a great fit for this role, and I’d love to tell you more about it and hear more from you.

Would you like to set up a phone or Zoom call soon? If so, let me know when you’re available.

Best,

Charles Smith

Director of Media Relations at BBC Sport

You quickly reread the email, and then reread it again, just to make sure you’re not dreaming. This was too good to be true. But you shake yourself out of your stupor and quickly type out a response to set up a phone call as soon as possible.

After hitting send, you shut your computer with excitement and throw your hands up in the air.

“Yes!” You exclaim into the empty apartment, as you throw your fist in the air and jump off the barstool.

Knowing you needed to distract yourself, otherwise you’d just be staring at your computer, eagerly awaiting the response, you decided to go on a run.

Jogging through the city, you think of your girlfriend and your potential reunion if this job offer worked out. You decided that if you did in fact take this position, you’d surprise Christen at one of her matches, hopefully one that you’d be able to photograph.

As soon as you arrive back in your apartment, you make a beeline for your laptop. You anxiously open your inbox and beam when you see Charles had replied to set up a Zoom call at 9:30 tomorrow morning. You excitedly type out pleasantries, telling him you’re looking forward to it.

For the rest of the afternoon, you were in an increasingly good mood. So later that evening, when Christen called you for your routine FaceTime, she could tell something was up.

“Why do you keep smiling like that?”

“Can I not be happy to talk to my girlfriend?” You tease, a huge grin plastered onto your face.

“You can,” Christen trails off, not quite believing you. “But you have the weird giddy look you get when something’s up?”

“Nothing’s up. Just had a good day,” you shrug nonchalantly.

“Okay,” the forward accepts, still eyeing you suspiciously. “Anyways, you know She Believes is in a couple weeks, are you working the tournament?”

“Yup,” you nod and make a mental note to mention that to Charles tomorrow.

The two of you continue updating each other, chatting about topics ranging from what you had for breakfast that day to re-inc’s upcoming drop.

“Alright,” Christen yawns. “I think I’m gonna call it a night.”

You check your phone and see it’s 5:37 pm, meaning it’s almost midnight in Manchester.

“Okay,” your eyes softening at the sight of your sleepy girlfriend. “Good night, Chris. I love you.”

“Love you, too, babe. G’night.”

After ending the call and shutting your laptop, you head into the kitchen to make some dinner for yourself, getting on with your evening.

—————

The next morning, you anxiously await for Charles to begin the Zoom call, nervously bouncing your knee and biting your lip.

“Hi, (Y/N),” Charles greets, his face appearing on your screen.

“Good morning. Or rather good afternoon?” You correct with a light chuckle, to which he reciprocates.

“Well, as you know from my email, we are looking for a photographer to join our team, and from many referrals, you seem to be a very good candidate,

“So, I was thinking maybe we could look at your portfolio really quickly and then hash out the logistics to see if this is something that could work out.”

“Sounds good,” you agree, as you pull up some of your best pictures and share your screen.

The two of you look through your photos, many from the 2019 World Cup, some of the Olympics, and a few from random NWSL games.

“Well, (Y/N), your work is quite impressive. If you’re ready, and you’re seriously interested in this position, we can talk specifics, scheduling, all that good stuff,” Charles offers.

“I’m definitely interested, but can I just preface by saying that my girlfriend is a major part of this decision, so depending on what she wants to do at the end of the season will impact my contract.”

“Oh?” He raises his eyebrows, clearly not expecting your candor. “Your girlfriend plays in the WSL?”

“Yeah, well, technically only for this season. Her contract is up in May,” you explain.  

“(Y/N), to be completely frank, we’re looking to hire because a couple of our photographers had some personal issues due to COVID and had to leave mid-season,” Charles reveals. “So if it turns out that your girlfriend wants to go back to the NWSL, then we can work that out. And if she wants to stay, and you end up liking it here and you fit in well, we can also work that out. We’re pretty flexible.”

You sigh in relief, giving him a small smile. “Wow, thank you so much. So what would my contract look like?”

“Well, we can sign you to three month contract with the option for extension,” he offers, as you nod along enthusiastically.

“That sounds great,” you exclaim, beaming. “And just to let you know, I’ve already signed on to work the She Believes tournament from the 18th to the 21st.”

“That actually aligns with the WSL’s international break, and there are a couple Premier League matches that weekend, but I think we can manage, so that shouldn’t be an issue.”

“You guys are too kind and so flexible. I really appreciate it so much,” you say earnestly.

“It’s really just us being desperate for a good photographer,” Charles jokes.

“Either way, I’m grateful for this opportunity.”

“We’re excited for you to join our team,” he reciprocates. “So, in terms of when you’ll begin, I honestly would like you to come over as soon as possible so that you can get settled and get acclimated.”

“I am honestly ready to start whenever you’ll have me.”

“How about next week? The Manchester Derby is on Friday, and honestly, given your portfolio, I’d love you to photograph that match,” the British man admits.

“That’s perfect!” You were in complete awe of how perfectly everything was working out. Photographing a Man United match as your first job meant you could surprise Christen, maybe as an early Valentine’s gift.

“Great,” Charles smiles.

The two of you discuss and finalize your contract and the logistics of you starting the job. Once everything’s settled and you each have the information you need, you wrap up the call.

“Well, thank you so much, Charles, for this offer, and I can’t wait to see you next Tuesday.”

“I can’t wait to work with you and meet you. See you next week. Cheers.”

After ending the Zoom call, you begin to make a COVID test appointment, book your flight, and arrange your hotel room for the few days that Christen doesn’t know you’re there, preparing yourself for moving across the world.

—————

After landing in London, getting settled into your hotel, and meeting with the BBC team and the other photographers, you were now on your way to the Manchester Derby.

In the back of the black cab, you pull out your phone to text a good luck text to Christen.

It was difficult to keep your surprise a secret, especially when you were actually in England, because it was much more difficult to FaceTime without her noticing your change in setting. You had to make up the excuse that you were swarmed with editing and preparing for the upcoming Thorns trainings.

As you pull up to the Academy Stadium, you hear your phone ding.

Chris ❤️

Thanks babe. Miss and love you 😘

You quickly type out a response, before heading into the building.

(Y/N/N) 💗

Love you too. I miss u too but go kick butt.

The match was exhilarating. Not only were you a sports photographer, but you were also a huge fan of the game, enjoying a good game when you see one.

You watched in awe, the level and style of play significantly different from than NWSL. While snapping hundreds of photos of both teams, your camera would always somehow land back on your girlfriend.

Your heart ached for the curly-haired forward, as you missed her dearly. Until you saw her back on the pitch, you hadn’t really realized that you missed watching her play the game that she’d mastered, her movements around the pitch and on the ball effortless and elegant.

As the ref blew the whistle, signaling the end of the half, you scroll through some of the photos you’d taken, deleting some of the blurry and unfocussed ones.

A smile immediately forms on your face when you see a picture of Christen during warmups with a huge grin on her face. You spend all of halftime editing said photo and putting together an Instagram post for your girlfriend.

About fifteen minutes later, the teams take the pitch and you go back to doing your job. Throughout the second half, you could tell that Christen was getting increasingly frustrated, her team getting down 3-0 with only about five minutes left.

You watch as the players high five and hug each other, and you want nothing more than to run onto the field to be with your girlfriend, but you had a plan to stick to.

As the team goes back into the locker room, you pull out your phone to post a photo on Instagram and then you shoot a quick text to Tobin:

(Y/N)🤓:

toby go check out my ig post :))

Back in the Man United locker room, after Casey went through her post match speech, Tobin checks her phone and sees a text from you. The injured forward playfully rolls her eyes at your message but follows your directions.

Upon opening the social media app, Tobin raises her eyebrows, her eyes widening. She glances across the room to see if her best friend had seen your post, but Christen was minding her own business, changing into sweats after her shower.

“Chris!” The older forward calls over to the other woman. “Have you seen your girlfriend’s Instagram post?”

Christen furrows her brows in confusion. “What? No, what is it?”

Tobin waves her friend over and shows her the post:

Liked by mrapinoe, ashlynharris24, and 638,231 others

yourusername: My muse, my valentine.

“As I sat and looked at her

and the rolling hills she sat upon

I thought,

what amazing luck I have

that the world had created

such beautiful things

and given me the eyes to see them.”

- atticus

tagged: christenpress

- - - - -

mrapinoe: Stunning pictures, (Y/N). Love you guys 💖

alikrieger: These photos are 🔥🔥🔥🔥

alexmorgan13: love this 😍😍

cdunn19: Beautiful!

glennondoyle: Love love love love this!!

ashlynharris24: Holy shit! Are you in Manchester????

↳lavellerose: Was this today??

↳sammymewyy: Oh my gosh it was!

↳kellyohara: Valentine’s Day surprise for Pressy?? 👀

Christen zooms in on the photo in the center, her eyes widening when she realizes that it is from today’s match.

“How did she get that picture?”

Tobin mentally slaps her forehead at her friend’s denseness. “Knowing (Y/N), she probably took it.”

“But that’s impossible. She’s in the States,” Christen states and shakes her head, dumbfounded.

“Actually,” you speak up, stepping into the locker room, deciding to make your presence known. “I’m right here.”

“(Y/N)?” Your girlfriend looks up at you, her mind in a state of shock.

“Hey, love,” you greet shyly.

Once her mind caught up with reality, Christen runs and jumps into your body, kissing you passionately but briefly and wrapping you into a bone crushing hug.

“I can’t believe your here,” she whispers into your neck. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, babe, so much.”

Unwrapping herself from the hug, Christen stares at you in awe. “What… how are you here?”

“We can talk about that later,” you give her another quick kiss. “But right now, I just wanna spend time with you. Maybe we can grab some dinner? You can show me around Manchester, considering I’m gonna be spending a lot of time here.”

Your girlfriend looks at you puzzled, but you just give her a wink with a small smirk on your face.

“Well, c’mon lets get out of here.”

—————

Back at Christen’s apartment, the two of you sit down for a nice and casual, but romantic, dinner you’d prepared along with a bottle of red wine.

After catching up, the forward finally decides to address the elephant in the room. “So how are you here? What’s going on, (Y/N/N)? You said earlier that you’d be spending a lot of time in Manchester, what does that mean? I’m so confused. Not that I’m grateful that you’re here right now and that I get to see you, but I thought you were working She Believes, and—“

“Chris,” you cut off your girlfriend’s endearing rambling. “Babe, you’re rambling.”

“Sorry,” she blushes, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“I got a job with BBC Sport till the end of the season,” you answer her parade of questions.

“Does that mean what I think it does?”

You nod, while taking a sip of your water. “It means I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

Not having the adequate words to express her joy and excitement, Christen gets up from her chair, walks over to sit in your lap, and connects you lips for a searing kiss.

“I can’t believe you,” she breathes, rubbing her nose against yours. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you quickly peck her lips while rubbing circles on her hip. “But as much as I love you and all this romance, we gotta get going soon.”

Your girlfriend tilts her head in confusion.

“Do the words ‘She Believes’ ring a bell?” You tease. “If I remember correctly, our flight leaves in a couple hours.”

“You’re coming with me?” Christen asks, her brain trying to wrap around the fact that her girlfriend, who she hadn’t seen in almost five months, would now be living with her in England and flying back to the States with her for the next week.

“Of course, Chris,” you give her a cheeky smile, along with a kiss to her nose, as you quote a book Becky had convinced the whole team to read. “You should know by now that I’d follow you anywhere. You’re the only good thing left in this world.”

[spoonyruncible]

This is, like, 98% vent so take the usual precautions and etiquette on that.

Like, so, I’ve had a hard week. I’ve had a very very hard week even for me. I lost my whole entire voice, I had an evening so awful it was comical, my best friend had his very nice expensive desktop computer get shorted out and his dog badly mauled by an off leash beast, and my sibling straight up had to endure dramatically unexpected gun violence.

So it was.... it was very not good. I literally think it’s been more than five years since I actually became nonverbal, much less for more than a full day. But I am, keep in mind, a mentor for a group of underprivileged trans youth. Yes, I live in poverty, so do they. I make a pretty good mentor. I know the kinds of shit that the cis lady leading the group straight up never would have considered.

Case in point, we’re not quite a full year strong but I’ve watched my kids grow up, I really really have. It’s magical. I would take a bullet for any one of the kids. One of them is straight up by baby brother now and the second I see him post COVID I’m pretty sure I will cry and cry and cry and maybe we can hug. But this week the focus was Pride. And, y’all, apparently the basic understanding of Pride is kinda rough.

Like, okay, yeah, Stonewall. And God and Jesus and All The Little Baby Angels bless and sing to Marsha P. Johnson. But that’s not the end, that’s the start. It’s so wild to me that Stonewall is like, “And that’s the story of queer pride. The end.”

Babes and Elders, Friends and Enemies, Autists and The Less Fortunate, Gentlefolk and Ungentlefolk, I am not that fucking old at all. But I remember the brutal murders of Brandon Teena and Matthew Shepard being subject to humiliating jokes. It’s what I grew up with. My first understanding of ‘gay’ was that it killed you, painfully and horribly but for some reason that was okay and no one minded too much. It was even meant to be funny most of the time. I grew up at the tail end of a mass death, when RENT premiered (stage show, not movie) I was 7 and AZT was the best you could possibly hope for.

Now we have PrEP and AIDS isn’t a death sentence, we even talk about it now like a mildly more scandalous STD than the usual ones instead of.... well, like it was talked about in RENT. Death. Just death. And gay used to mean AIDS so gay was uncompromising slow death. Gay was prostitution and drugs and death.

Like, it’s very hard to articulate how different it was just twenty years ago. I even smiled at my daddy once and said, “I don’t have to tell you how I voted, but I will tell you that people who vote how you do drag people like me behind trucks.” That was the only time I can remember shutting him up in an argument, he couldn’t pivot, he tried a little with “I never” and I was immediately, “No, say I’m wrong and we’ll have a conversation.” so he just.... walked away. It was the most honest he ever was in acknowledging that, yeah, I was extremely brave. I was willing to die and he wasn’t willing to protect me. It was the bravest I’ve ever felt in my life.

And I am still, as I said, very young. I come from a third world region of an allegedly first world country. (I can get into the racist implications of that but this is a vent post so I’m not going to dissect everything.) So my experience? Still magical and impossible. Having to shove away earnest lesbians even though RadFems assured me I was just a closeted lesbian and only men had this and it was called autogynophillia and was a fetish. I only craved male power and was nervous about being with girls. I was not, they were wrong, but the idea of maybe if I date girls I’ll be normal and safe in 2003 is way way way past anything a bitsy baby transman would guess at in 1983. The way progress marches is not.... not easy to follow.

I didn’t expect to be a queer educator. I didn’t plan to be an ‘’’expert’’’ but now I am because I hear things like, “Maybe putting out all those pride flags is baiting a bear with the man who keeps threatening to kill you” and my whole self leaps out with, “That was wrong what this woman I trust said. You have to make a choice, sure, and I will not tell you which is wrong and which is right but Pride has never been about being quiet and meek and trying not to be bothered. I’m not going to tell you to keep fighting or to do anything you don’t want to, but I will say that Pride is emphatically not about keeping yourself safe. If you want to stand up then I support you, if you want to keep yourself safe I support you. Because the road to where we are right now? It is covered in the spilled blood of martyrs and I would never ask you to do that, never ask anyone to, but I would also never ever tell you to back down and be safe. Stonewall wasn’t safe.”

And, that’s crazy, right? Telling a kid that we do stand on the shoulders of giants, but those giants did not live to see today? Like, Harvey Milk (who I did not get into) wasn’t shot because he was too good at politics. Some people are alive now, some, a few, a small number. I am one of the youngest somehow, one of the younger of the older generation which is wild to me, impossible. Like, if you’re maybe 40 at the most then you’re the first of the ones that didn’t face The Dying Times, which means the people who dealt with the shit from Stonewall and the following horrors are just.... just gone.

I was stunned this kids didn’t realize the actual genocide made of purposeful neglect had even... even occurred. It was disturbing. I cannot remember the actual square on the quilt, so if you find it then thank you, but it was roughly “I am 19 and will be dead in three months. That’s very sad.”

I’s just, Christ, maybe we need to do a little better education? Maybe a little more on the why of how now came to be? On why Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was revolutionary, on how “In 1960 49 states had anti-sodomy laws criminalizing homosexuality” ignores  that in 2015 plenty of states still had those laws on the books? It’s frustrating, is all, it’s very frustrating.

[spencerhotchner]

Alternative {spencer reid}

Chapter 1 

summary: Since quarentine was announced, Y/N decided to rewatch all seasons of Criminal Minds. On a lonely night she wished she could be in that universe instead of this. What happens when she wakes up in 2008 in Quantico?

warnings: angst, a very confused reader, regular cm stuff and my grammar (if you find anything else pls lmk

word count: 2k

a/n: i have this idea while watching a movie about parallel universes and all, so i just wanted to try this out. it will be a 10 parts series! im not really sure about this, i think i kinda hate it but im posting it anyways lmao. i hope you gonna enjoy!

series masterlist

part 1 | part 2

You woke up feeling dizzy and with a major headache. At first you thought it was because you drank a whole lot of wine last night but then you saw yourself in a room you never saw before. You stoop up quickly trying to understand where you were and how did you end up there. You were sure that you have never been in this place before, and it was scaring you that you showed up in there.

There was a mirror nailed to the wall in from of you almost forcing you to look at your own body, that made you notice that you were still wearing the same clothes from last night, but you weren’t home. Not being home was odd given by the fact you stayed there with your family and two friends you invited over, since there’s a whole freaking pandemic going on and you for sure did not want to get sick or get other people sick. 

“Did I get kidnapped?” you think out loud. “No, I just watch too much Criminal Minds.” you tell yourself, trying to calm down.

You reach for the face mask placed on the nightstand, getting ready to leave this random place and go home. You tried not to freak out when you realized your phone was gone and the only cellphone in there was probably as old as your grandmother. You dialed your moms number about five times and all of them went on voicemail, making you curse mentally. 

This can’t be happening. Not to me.

As soon as you leave the apartment you were in you realized you weren’t in your hometown, definitely not. It was crowded, like, really crowded and no one was wearing any face masks. Where did the freaking pandemic go? You wondered while you felt like a misfit for being the only one wearing it. 

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” you ask an old lady walking by.

“You’re on Main Street, sweetheart.” she says.

“No, um, I mean the city.” you watched as the old lady looked at you with a funny face, as if she was calling you crazy on her mind.

“We’re in Quantico, dear.”

“Quantico?” you repeat, mostly for yourself then for her. The lady started at you like you were an alien. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

The air started to go low on you, how did you get to Virginia, anyway? That was across the country from where you lived, Bellevue in Washington state. You started lost walking, trying to understand what the hell was going on. It felt like you were on a parallel universe, like you were in a dream but couldn't wake up and it sure felt very real. You stoped a jornal shop taking a lot at the last newspaper in there, trying to figure if something happened that you were missing. However, nothing reported there shocked you, what did, though, was the date. 

July 1st, 2008

You were about to ask someone about it when you bumped into a blonde woman, falling on the ground. As soon as you looked up, you almost chocked yourself. If the day was already weird, this was even weirder. A.J Cook was standing right in front of you with a concerned look. You couldn't really say anything, just staring at her like she wasn't real. It was weird seeing her in front of you after only seeing her through screens. 

“I’m so sorry!” she said as she offered a hand for you to get up. “Are you ok?”

“I- um, yes! I’m fine.” you san, getting the dirt out of your outfit. “I’m a big fan of yours! Wish I had my phone here to take a picture but- sorry.“ you stoped talking, realizing she probably doesn’t care.

“Big fan of me? Wow, howcome somebody’s a fan of me?” she sounds surprised.

“Well, you’re on Criminal Minds.” you say as it was obvious. 

She looked at you as if you were out of your mind. Not that you weren't thinking otherwise at the moment, anyways. 

“I’m on what now?” she asked.

Maybe you got confused and she was the wrong person, but she looked so much like her to not be her. If they were not the same person, then definitely twins. This was so weird, once again, you found yourself asking ‘what the hell’ mentally.

“You’re JJ, Jennifer Jareau, FBI Agent and all.” you say, trying one more time. “Behaviour Analysis Unit...”

“Yea, that‘s me.” she let a nervous laugh comes out of her mouth. “How do you know me?”

‘This is weird’ you thought. How does she not understand where you know her from? Literally Criminal Minds, like you said at first. ‘Maybe this is all a dream.’

“I saw you on tv” you try.

“Oh, I see! You like law enforcement?” she asks you.

“Oh yes, I’m in law-school to be a judge someday.” you answered. “The show, all of it just makes me wanna put all them bad guys in jail.” you say, laughing a bit. 

“The show...? What?” you hear her whisper, but decide to ignore it. “What’s the mask about?” JJ asks, making you look at her surprised.

“Um, covid-19?” you say like it’s obvious, because it is.

“Oh, sure...” she smiles as she says it, almost like she's only agreeing because she won't discuss it. “Great talking to you, really, but I gotta go, FBI duty calls.” she jokes.

You smile at her watching carefully as she picks up her phone from her pocket and pick up a call. That phone looked awfully old, like 2000’s old. Why would a famous actress have that kinda of phone? Then, you looked around trying to understand more about what was going on. It was all too out of place.

First, nobody wearing masks, not even a single person but you. Second, you were in a city in which is miles away from your own. Third, a famous actress acted like she’s nobody. And fourth, the date on the calendar said 2008.

If it wasn’t just impossible I would say I time travelled into Criminal Minds universe.

After standing there for literal 10 minutes trying to figure it out what you were going to do, you decide to go to the police department. After all, you may have been abducted, right? Because you didn’t have any knowledge of the place, you took quite some time to get there. As soon as you got there you sigh in relief, that has been quite a walk and damn, you were tired of this situation. 

“Excuse me, ma’am, can you help me?” you ask to the lady standing behind the counter.

“Sure, dear. What do you need?” she looks up at you, taking her glasses of her face.

“I think I might have been abducted?” you start. “I woke up in this random apartment.”

“Maybe you had a one-night stand.” she said putting back her glasses.

“No! I am sure I didn’t because first of all, there’s a pandemic going on, second of all I was in Bellevue in Washington state when I went to sleep.” you yell, involuntarily, desperate to make her believe in you. 

“Miss, I’m gonna need you to calm down or you will be escorted out of the building. You’re probably on drugs, there's nothing we can do for you.”

“Fuck you.” you say as you watch her face get all red.

Frustrated. That could define what you were feeling, scared and worried could do the work, as well. What were you going to do now? Go to the FBI to see if they could freaking understand why you simply appeared in Quantico? Didn't sound like a bad idea in your mind as you decided to just try it out. After all, you were already pretty screwed up, it would worth a shot.

You reached for your back pocket, hoping that the money you shoved in there more than a week ago would still be in there. Bingo! You pull out a 20 dollar bill out of it and the next thing you know you’re getting into a cab asking him to take you to the FBI. Now that’s something you never thought would happen. The travel was quite quick, in 20 minutos you were standing in front of that big isolated building. It looked like it was taken straight out of your favorite show, that was insane. 

The wind blew hard on you when you got out of the vehicle, making you shiver a little, that reminded you that you did not have any clothes nor money to buy more. God, you did not even have where to go. You didn't even get the chance to get into the building as a big man steps in front of you, blocking your way. 

“Miss, you're not allowed in this building.” he said without much expression. 

“But, sir-” you started, as you saw he was about to interrupt you, you go on. “Ive been abducted and I don't know where or how the hell did I get in here, I’m completely hopeless... Please.” you beg him.

He started at you for a couple of seconds, that felt like centuries for you, just to sigh at you.

“Ok, follow me.” he said. “Do not make me regret this.” 

“I-I won’t, sir.” you were quick to answer. 

The agent asked another man to cover up for him as he led me into the building. Once again you found yourself admired of how much it did look like a Criminal Minds episode in there, if you weren't totally desperate you'd be amused. Soon, you two were out of the elevator on floor 8, leading with the words Behavior Analysis Unit quite big. 

“Can you take her to Agent Jareau, please?” the man said to someone who passed by, who simply agreed. 

Now, that's a funny coincidence, there's actually an Agent Jareau in the BAU. 

You followed the woman with questioning trying to stay calm when you saw Matthew Gray Gubler sitting on a desk reading some book in Reid style, almost like he was Spencer himself. If you had any doubts you were going crazy, that was the final proof. You stoped walking, taking a stare at him and then at the Agent that stared a you like you were an alien.

“Is there something wrong?” she asks you. “Miss, are you ok?”

You were unable to answer for a few seconds when you finally opened you mouth, still trying to figure it out how to say what was on your mind without sounding completely insane.

“Is that Dr. Spencer Reid?” 

And that was all you’re able to say because as soon as you let his name out of your mouth he looked up at you, trying to somehow recognize you. You were sure, that time, that you never looked - and sounded - as insane as right now. 

“Yes, that's me.” he answers. 

His voice was the last thing you could hear before everything go black. Maybe you were finally going to wake up. Maybe.