#for now i cant transition | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lillyviarabbit · 2 years ago

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if only wishing could change things, but i'm too paralyzed to act

#I so desperately wish I didnt have to be trans #i love being queer and i dont mind knowing my fluidity and dysmorphia put me identify me as the former #but i wish i was cis and had to learn how to play with masculinity #instead of vice versa #i wish i had to bind #i wish i could enjoy my body #but alas—the good days just leave me neutral #and the bad days still leave me suicidal #fuck now that i'm thinking about it too much i might shave off my beard too #i havent felt like this since i pulled the trigger to shave my legs and have permanently scarred my thighs and stomach #because one missed hair means i need to rip it out #and that scabs #which then i need to burst open for weeks to months on end #and none of this would be as hard for me if i didnt have to learn it on my own #for now i cant transition #even if i wanted to wholeheartedly #because i can take off my glasses and pass decently well as a man #i did it for 20 years—even if by the time i was in middle school i understood i wasn't like the others #I hate that i make women uncomfortable just by my presence alone #because i look like a man #and would not be able to shake that without changing my jawline #im built like a barrel #i wish i was a cis woman that got a hysterectomy #and could indulge the comfort of being perceived as a woman innately #I could be more confident being affectionate #and i have to walk on eggshells even now because i can just *feel* how my male body taints every step i take and every relationship i have #i hate it so much #but i cant hate me #ive never hated me #and I accept this is how i am

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skunkes · 2 months ago

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#on top of everything else i also now have to wonder if moving out is a good idea #because i do still feel like [_] is gonna win the election and if that happens i doubt informed consent hrt is going to be around #much longer. lol #and being able to access hrt is like 95% of why i want to move out. like why even try to live a life if i cant transition #talkys

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cepheusgalaxy · 21 days ago

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That episode wouldve been perfect if the pacing was a liiiitle bit slower

#look i liked it i loved it i think there was a lot of dear work put in it it was genuinely a very cool episode and all #BUT i cant get it outta my head since j watched it that it was so QUICK #i know they had to fit it all in 20 minutes or so #but it was SO rushed to me #the first part was okay #and then we move to court and it was a biit fast and i have not processed what happening yet #we dwell a bit on the court thing so by now my emotions have properly landed #although i still wish it was a little longer #and then BAM blitz being executed that part is pretty cool #but the part where he sacrifices himself also let me wishing for a longer time #although i they probably did the best on that one #and then stolas arrives and starts singing out of the blue #which okay fair thats the point he jumps to singing #but i really wish they took a bit longer on A. him stopping the axe and B. he taking in all of the situation and trying to clear things up #and THEN starting his song #the song was *also* a bit quick to me and the transitions from one layer to the other felt a bit rushed #but who am i to tell the music professionals how to music #i mean i as the audience kind of can. but i feel like its not rlly that bad or anything its just that the WHOLE episode passed in a blink #didnt give time for my emotions to keep up with everything #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss s2 #helluva boss mastermind #mastermind #hb spoilers

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kevindavidday · 6 months ago

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man i hate this riko moriyama figure hope someone shoots him in the head lol

#rereading kevin's breakdown at the EAU transfer #the transition from i cant go back there to i have to go back there #the 'maybe he'll forgive me if i go back now' like kevin my baby im so sorry #toxic ex ass 🙄🙄#i wish i could punch riko fr #aftg #tfc #kevin day #riko moriyama

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st4rrmii · 6 months ago

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In my hc Ben absolutely has 6 scars (three on each side) on his shoulder blades/shoulders from the monorail incident send tweet

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realbeefman · 1 year ago

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i'm a cis woman, but in the past few years i've developed a habit of headcanoning any male character i relate to as a trans women, beginning a fic trying to explore that, and then miserably falling short as i can never figure out how to end the story. i've recently joined a new fandom and started my most recent attempt at writing this ever-elusive character interpretation i've been trying to explain for years. and it occurs to me that maybe the reason i keep trying to interpret these characters i relate to as women and failing to, is because i'm trying to project the wrong experience. because i think that conclusion i can never fully bring myself to write isn't one about coming to terms with womanhood and embracing that identity, but about coming to terms with being a man.

so tldr im a trans man and this is a coming out post.

#shaking a little bit writing this but like. i dont know.#ive felt. alone a lot and ive been very scared of actually doing anything to make myself happy for a lot of my life #and ive felt a lot of shame about particularly. i dont know.#i feel a lot of shame in general #but about my gender. about feeling like i cant transition because i dont want to do it the way you see in media #and that its cool for other people to be gnc and trans and present however they want but #that itd be wrong for me. that id be faking #and i dont know i think im tired of running from it #im acting like this is some terrible truth. like this is an unspeakable evil i would inflict on the world by doing something that could mak #me happy. make me feel comfortable #i dont want that shame anymore #i never deserved it #anyways. i like the name angus. please call me angus from now on although autumn is actually still fine i do fw that name. always have #but i need to say this and put it out into the world and not take it back #this is my experience. this is my starting point. and fanfic and writing have been a big part of that #anyways. shoutout to #james wilson #most recent blorbo ive tried to trans the gender of. i think ill be able to finish this fic though lol.#trans #coming out #fandom #fanfic #personal #queer #lgbtqia

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narmothewraith · 5 months ago

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How I imagine myself (aka want to be)

Vent in the tags (sorry in advance)

#Honestly almost cried while sketching this #I feel so stupid #Like why did I agree to wait until i'm 25 to transition #Oh wait I know #Because I love my parents to much and they only really support me if I a) am 25 or b) my mental health is really really bad #Also it's that part of my mind that's doubting everything. That it's just a phase. That i'm not actually transmasc #Also the psychologist I used to go to supported the idea to wait till 25 and was talking about some whos she knew #And how that girl wanted to be a boy but she got a boyfriend and she didn't want to anymore #Or that boy who wanted to be a girl but later found his identity and was secure in his agab #And she kept saying/asking; “Would you be able to accept to be just a manly woman??” And similar questions #And I know it's stupid but because of it I just keep questioning myself over and over #Because now i'm especially scared it's something I grow out off #But I just want to look in a mirror and be happy #And while I do like my clothing. I want other stuff but I feel goddam dysphoric in that #Only things I can change about me is piercings and my hair but even that is something my parents aren't really keen of #Atleast the length is something they are okay with but if it's kinda more a “”man's style“” and I hear only “oh my god it's so manly"#Honestly I just hate that i'm to scared to do anything about it #All the while I suffer #cause I just cant get out of the house without a binder. Always checking how my profile looks like. Crying when its not how I want it to be #Or almost crying when my mom says “that size is better for a girl like you because other wise it looks boyish” even when I confided in her #transmasc #transgender #trans artwork #Trans #Artists on tumbr #Lgbt #my art <3 #my own post

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dailycupofcreativitea · 3 months ago

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I GOT AN OTGW CARDIGAN!!!! OMG!!!

#cant take a pic right now cause im in transit #THANK YOU HOT TOPIC I LOVE YOU #this was the first purchase ever i didnt look at the price (alhumdulillah im grateful for the ability to do that once in a blue moon)#was it expensive? unfortunately yeah hella gouged price #for the quality #BUT BUT BUT #people buy nice jeans and concert tickets and other stuff all the time #i can impulse buy an OTGW sweater #IM SO FUCKING EXCITED TO WEAR IT AHHHHH #WEATHER PLS STAY COLD ALREADY STOP HEATING UP TO 23 IN THE AFTERNOON #musings #also if youre curious it was like (with tax and discount) $79...

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foundfamily-connoisseur · 1 year ago

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And if I said Trans woman Butcher

Also Sally and Butcher are trans besties they told me themselves. They go shopping together actually 💅

#wordgirl #wordgirl fanart #listen #the vision is there #like you cant tell me she isnt a trans woman who transitioned late in her 30 #cuz honestly we need more rep of late transitioners cuz figuring yourself out takes time #and also my mind is simply superior #to whomever made trans woman Glen #glenda #i get it now #also shed hate getting her Estrogen shots #soley because meedles scary #becky def holds her hand

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slymanner · 1 year ago

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if butterfly soup ever gets like,,,let's say a 2.5 for the side character's who get some spotlight in this entry...

I want to know every single bit of HER BACKSTORY

How'd her journey go before this current time??? did she have banger friends to support her??? when did she figure out she wanted to be a girl??? how did her parents take the new's??? was she scared to transition at first but then she realized this was gonna be the best decision of her life??? HOW DID SHE PICK SUCH A COOL NAME FOR HERSELF AND HAVE THE BEST TRANSITION IN EXISTENCE.

I NEED ANSWERS.

#butterfly soup #butterfly soup 2 #liz butterfly soup #I JUST GOTTA KNOW.#AS SOMEONE WHOS BEEN THROUGH THE TRANS TUBE FOR YEARS AND YEARS FIGURING IT OUT I NEED TO KNOW.#i feel extreme emotions whenever seeing this character and i can just SEE. THE POTENTIAL OF DIGGING DEEPER INTO HER STORY #OR IDK MAYBE WE DONT NEED TO #MAYBE ITS BETTER LEFT TO THE IMAGINATION IDK MAN DNDNDNDNDBDBD #i just like #as someone thinking about transitioning #probably in the future cause defs cant do it now but like #man...#some trans comfort and angst food from her would be so so good.#liz my beloved #UR EVERYTHING I WANNA BEEEEEE

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opudont-donut · 1 year ago

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being gay is illegal in my country now:( im scared of living here

#iyhhghhnh.g....g.g...#first they banned transition now being lgbtq+ .iii cant afford moving i dont even have ajob

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kiddokori · 5 months ago

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i dont ship them per say i just think they understand each other in a way no one else can and while this could bring them together it’s much more likely for them to reject the horror of being known and cannibalize each other like oscars

#eunyung baek and haejoon goh. to me #i dont think they’re getting together i think theyre going 2 years without talking and then runners into each other and acting like no time #passed at all i think theyre just like adult besties that kinda hate each other #like yeah thats my best friend hes a shithead tho. kinda cant stand him. we’re going out for drinks thursday and i just know hes gonna be #a mess and itll suck. but ill go anyways #haejoon texts him like hey man whats up its been a few months whereve you been #and eunyung sends a photo of himself like in the mountains or some shit with no context #hes like yeah i joined an expedition lol ive been living in the woods for 3 months #they go like a full year without talking and haejoon goes wonder what hes up to and its always something crazy #i think thats how theyd have to be i think if the less time they soend together the better friends they are #eunyung: i joined a commune i think its a cult tho idk its kinda fun #haejoon: please just fucking use my guest room for the love of god #eunyung transitions and visits for the holidays because juwan invited him and haejoons like #something is different. is it weird if i ask. does everyone else know. will they think im homophobic if i ask #eunyung: hey can i bring my boyfriend to thanksgiving #haejoon: absolutely fucking not.#eunyung: homophobic.#haejoon: im gay bitch i dont want anyone youre dating in my house regardless of gender. im going to hate them.#haejoon sends him job listings and apartments and is like i will drive you to your interview please get a normal job #and stop getting involved in multi level marketing schemes #and eunyung goes no 🫶 die #i hust wanted to talk about them. miss them. i caught up to my translation im reading and now i gotta wait for updates

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skunkes · 5 months ago

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is anybody sooo stressed out

#im running out of time but also ive Been running out of time. ive already reached failure levels for my age #talkys #and im only getting olderrr #can someone tell me how to get a 6 fig job real quick #so i can move out and transition #also go back in time so i couldve started soonwr #i cant believe it. ill be 30 when his term ends. i dont want to be 30 and pre t.#its jst gonna get harder and harder to Find Someone.#its so embarrassing to not have any experience at 30......#but like even if he loses its not like id have any chance anyway ykwim #if he lost id still be a loser who cant move out and go on T. just like i am now and have been for Ever. idk what to do #idek where to start.#and i lose drive to do so every day anyway bc whats the point of moving out if i cant go on t and find love

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poughkeepsies · 1 year ago

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reading 9-1-1 fics that were clearly written before certain canon events makes everything so much funnier cause they're written with certain details that the authors clearly thought would be unequivocal evidence of romantic buddie and/or bro-ified to make it realistic to canon but then 99% of the time the show will just throw in a scene later that is 1) that exact detail that to anyone else would only make sense if buddie is canon and 2) not overlayed with any no-homo message that could tone it down at ALL.

#this is about me reading a fic and only realizing it was written -s3 cause everyone keeps referring to buck as chris' uncle or godson #and that one fic that tried showing bucks transition to christopher's stepdad when he and eddie get together with him #baking cookies for chris' bake sale #also a bunch of other stuff i cant remember now #911 abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #weewoo brainrot

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thecedarchronicle · 5 months ago

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