#for now I continue to have hope for Croatia

[keanureevesisbae]

I don't care what it takes, but I don't want Argentina to win the world cup

[simp4pedropascal75]

bad guy (Joel Miller x Reader)

summary: since joel came to jackson, you only had eyes for him. but he didn't had eyes for you.... well, he did. but he hid behind a facade of a cold, mean asshole.

trigger warnings: 18+, minors dni, mature content included, some angst, fluff, explicit language, mention of guns, smut (f!nger!ng, p in v, mention of daddy k!mk, praising, degrading), age gap (reader in his 20s, joel in his 50s)

words: 2k

a/n: hey guys, so, this is my first post after a long break now. this was my first time writing smut, i'm still learning yk, but I hope you like it! Please keep in my mind that english isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for spelling mistakes and stuff.

Also I wrote this while driving to Croatia and I'm still sitting in the car, so yeah. There'll be a part 2 of this ff:) now, I wish y'all a fun time reading<3

-------------------♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡--------------------

Why do girls always love the bad guy? Why can’t I just find normal people attractive? And especially men in my age, you think.

Obviously I can’t, because I love Joel fucking Miller.

Since he came with this girl Ellie to Jackson, you couldn’t get him out of your mind. You tried, you really tried. But no, Joel stayed in your mind. Every fucking time he walked past you, butterflies flew in your stomach like crazy. When he looked at you, your heartbeat speeded up. And god, when he talked to you, even for just 10 seconds, you needed to squeeze your legs together, because you couldn’t bear the ache between your legs.

But sadly, he didn’t talked to you often, he didn’t look at you, he just always walked past you. Sometimes you two had to go on patrol, but to be honest, he was an asshole. He didn’t talk much, and when he did, he was mean. He was so cold towards you. The only person where he softened up, was Ellie. You and her got along well, she is a smart girl, with a big mouth, but still smart.

But, what did you expect? He’s like doubled your age. But you always found men, who could be your dad, more attractive than boys in your age. Older men are more mature and… they have experience.

With every boy you slept in your age, has never made you cum, never.

Not to mention your daddy issues.

Actually, you’re on patrol with him right now. It was quiet, very quiet, while you walk through a abounded building with him. You’ve met some clickers on your way, but they were easy to kill. “So, was it already so quiet when Tommy was out on patrol?”, you ask him while you reload your gun. “‘haven’t talked to him”, he answers cold. You look at him confused, because they usually always exchange about their patrols.

“Why didn’t you?”, you ask curiously.

“Why would you care?”, he scoffs and doesn’t even look at you. He stands up and continues to walk.

Asshole.

“We have to move, come on”, he adds. You just roll your eyes at him, get up and follow him. “Well I care, because we have to know what we have to expect.”, you mumble pissed.

He turns around to look at you with a stern look. “If you would shut your fucking mouth, maybe we could hear what we have to expect”

Yeah, that’s it.

“You know what, I don’t fucking care. I understand that we’re definitely not friends, but that doesn’t mean you have to act like the arrogant bastard you are.”, you speak upset. “Guess what, I don’t like you either, but at least I try to be nice to you!”

“Shut up.”, he whispers harshly.

“You want me to shut up?! Did I hurt your ego because someone finally said how you really are, Joel Miller?! I swear I’ll soon kick you in your non-exciting balls-“ He suddenly slams you against the wall and covers your mouth with his hand. “I said, be. quiet.”, he growls quietly. You try to move and push him away, but he’s too strong.

As you give up and stare into his eyes, you hear it too, stalkers.

You feel how the speed of your heartbeat increases and feel the big ache between your legs again, but even stronger as the last time’s. His chest was pressed onto yours and you sense his hot breath on your neck. While Joel’s concentrated on the sound of the stalkers, you get a chance to admire his face closely. His hazel eyes, his lips… and his nose.

Fuck.

As the stalker noises get quiet and disappear, you gulp as he stares into your eyes. He releases your mouth from his hand and you take a deep breath. “s-so.. where was I-?”, he cuts you off.

“You really can’t shut up, can you?”, he raises an eyebrow at you as he asks.

“You fucking basta-“, suddenly he smashes his lips on yours. That’s when you get quiet. Your heart was beating out of your chest while you were melting under his touch. You can’t resist and wrap your arms around his neck while kissing him back.

Joel’s hands run up your curves while he’s pulling you even closer to his body. You feel how his dick begins to harden under the fabric of his jeans. He stops kissing your lips and continues to place kisses on your neck to leave you with his marks. You whimper softly as you feel how his hand glides down your stomach. As Joel slides his hand under your pants, he touches your already wet panties. “god, were you so desperate to be touched? you dirty little girl.”, he whispers in your ear and nibbles on it. “Fuck, Joel-“, you breathe. He pushes your panties aside and his thumb starts to rub your clit slightly.

“you need to be quiet, darling.”, he whispers again as you feel his hot breath on your neck again. As you nod and give him your permission he slides two of his fingers into your core. “Joel- I-“, you begin to breath heavy. You really tried to keep quiet, but as he starts to pump his fingers into you… “Joel, I can’t-“, you moan, that’s when he puts his hand over your mouth again.

“keep fucking quiet, you’re gonna’ get us killed..”, he growls as he stares into your eyes.

While he continues shoving his fingers inside you, your hands make your way to his belt. As you start to unbuckle it, he slaps your hands away. “not here.”, he whispers harshly.

“Please Joel-, I need you.”, you whine.

“No.”, he says with his deep voice, which even more aroused you. You start to feel your climax coming nearer, so does Joel as your inner walls squeeze his fingers gently. “Joel, I’m gonna-“, you cry out and he immediately covers your mouth again. “thats it, baby.. cum all over my fingers, darling…”, he whispers right into your ear and that’s when you reach your climax. He presses his hand onto your mouth to quiet down your moan and a slight smirk appears on his face. As your legs are still shaking, your hands try to unbuckle his belt again, but this time, he lets you do it.

“Fuck, y/n… you really want to get us killed, don’t you”, Joel groans quietly.

“Please Joel-, just-“, he cuts you off while slamming his lips onto yours again. He flicks his younger against yours and gasps as your hand touches his clothed dick. “Goddammit, y/n!”, he growls.

“Please Joel, I need you inside of me-“, that’s when he can’t resist your begging and he turns you around the wall and pushes you against it. “‘risking to get killed, just to be fucked by daddy’s cock”, he whispers and you hear how he pushes his pants down, which leaves a smile on your face. He takes his dick into his hand and rubs the tip at your wet pussy. His other hand glides to your mouth again, because he knows you definitely can’t keep quiet.

And he’s right.

You cry out loud as he pushes his shaft into your throbbing core.

God, he’s big.

“Fuck.”, he exhales. He begins to thrust into you while your moans get louder, he presses his hand harder on your mouth. “Such a good girl, taking my dick so fucking good”, Joel praises which makes you squirm under his grip. His other hand rests on your waist and his breath starts to get heavier. As he increases the speed, you feel how your legs begin to shake again. “how long have you been waiting for this, hm…?”, he breathes into your ear and wraps his arm around you to pull you closer. Joel begins to hit your g-spot and as your breath becomes heavier, your moans do too.

“Use your words, princess”, he groans into your ear.

“S-since you came here-“, you try to answer while he’s trying to muffle your moans again. You hear him chuckle. “‘never thought that you’re such a dirty girl”, he whispers. “‘squeezing my dick real good- you’re gonna’ cum?”. You nod.

“Words.”, he growls. “Y-yes, I’m gonna cum!”, you whine and you rech your climax. As your pussy tightens around his cock, you hear his groan and feel how he fills you up with his cum, leaving you two breathless.

.

.

.

As we walked back to Jackson, he was quiet, too quiet. “‘you’re okay?”, you ask concerned and also confused while he’s walking in front of you. “This was a mistake”, he growls and keeps walking. “What- I don’t understand-“, you mumble confused and grab after his hand so he stops walking. “What don’t you understand?”, he speaks louder and pulls his hand away. “This, was a mistake”, he points with his finger at you and himself. “A fucking big one.”, he growls and turns around to walk. “So, after you just fucked the shit out of me in a building full of zombies, you tell me that this was a mistake?!”, you almost shout and walk after him.

I can’t believe him, you think.

“yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”, he points out and it seems like he really doesn’t care. “Are you kidding me right now?! Don’t you notice how fucked up this is?! You fuck me and now tell me it was a mistake, and you don’t even feel bad!”, you shout after him upset and try not to tear up. “Exactly”, he just answers coldly.

“And now what huh?!”, you try to grab his hand again and finally get him stop walking. He turns around and just looks at you, his eyes were pitch black now. You don’t see any emotions in his face.

“Now, we’re going our separate ways”, he grumbles coldly.

.

.

.

Why do girls always love the bad guy?, you think.

It’s already been two months since it happens with Joel. And like he said, we’re going our separate ways. He didn’t look at you, he didn’t talked to you and he didn’t even went on patrols with you anymore. And you really tried to hate him, and did because of what he did, but you couldn’t get this night with him out of your mind anymore. Every time you close your eyes, you feel his lips on yours and his dick thrusting deep into you.

So, since he really didn’t felt bad and ignored you like you don’t exist, you tried to keep on with your life and tried dating again. You’ve met a really nice boy, Jack. He was two years older than you and he really was a gentleman. He was nice, kind and lovely. He made you laugh and feel safe. Since Joel didn’t go on patrols with you again, he did. And it was fun. Today you’ve had your third date already and as you walk into the bar, you see Joel sitting there.

Fuck.

And that’s when it hits your memory again. His hand pressed on your mouth, his hot breath on your neck and his dick pounding into you. You got pulled out of your mind, as you feel Jack’s hand on your waist. “Hey there, beautiful”, he says with his sweet smile. “Hey”, you smile back and go with him to your table. You thought Joel didn’t notice you, but he did. He saw you with this guy before, and god it has made him jealous. But Joel’s good at hiding his feelings, always hiding how he looks at you in secret.

You and Jack had a good time. Sometimes you took a glance at Joel, but his back was turned towards you. As you two finished eating, you stood up and wanted to look after Joel, but he wasn’t sitting there anymore. “I’ll pay real quick, you can wait outside”, Jack says and places a kiss on your cheek.

You nod and go outside. It’s already dark outside. A breeze of cold air flies against your body and you get goosebumps. That’s when you let your keys fall. “Fuck…”, you swear and try to see them in the dark. As you spot them, you bend down but suddenly someone else picks them up.

As you look up, you freeze:

“Joel.”

-> part 2

[pablitogavii]

hiii (no rush) could you do one where gavi goes on a family vacation with the reader’s family and they all love him🤍🤍

Family vacation

Your POV

When we came back from Ibiza, my family invited me and Pablo to travel to Hawaii with them for the next week. I was really glad my family wanted Pablo to come knowing that during the season we can't spend time together as much as we wanted.

"Soy nervioso amorcito" Pablo told me while we were packing our bags at our shared room at Pablo's family house in Sevilla.

"Why cariño??" I said walking up to him and snaking my arms around his neck playing with the small hairs on his neck.

"What if they don't like me? And my English is not that good.." he said and I smiled touching our noses together before kissing his lips lovingly and he leaned into the kiss.

"They already love you, cariño. And if you don't understand something, I will translate for you so don't worry" I said and he smiled but still kept his muscles tensed.

"My dad loves football so he already loves you..and my mom heard how well you treat me so she loves you as well..just relax and trust your princesa" I added and he smiled nodding his head and kissing my lips again.

"I trust you, princesa.." he said and I nodded as we finished packing and left to meet my family at the airport.

"Mama!" I waved and she hugged me tightly while my dad shook hands with Pablo politely. You were smiling at how tensed up your boy was but hoping he will eventually relax.

"You stole our daughter away boy!" my mom joked but Pablo thought she was serious apologizing which made you giggle and move to touch his chest and rest your head on his shoulder.

"Ellos se burlan de nosotros, amor" [They are teasing us, love] I said and he chuckled with slightly blushed cheeks as we all walked to our gate.

We walked into the plane, and Pablo grabbed my suitcase and put it in the above compartment before moving to let me sit by the window knowing how much I love it.

"You choose wisely babygirl" dad said and I chuckled nodding my head while looking at Pablo who really always was such a gentleman. I kissed his cheek and he blushed red making me giggle a bit.

Pablo's POV

The plane ride was nice as I chatted to her dad about football and she was sleeping peacefully with her head on my shoulder holding onto my hand tightly.

"Congrats on the National win, it was a hard game against Croatia.." her dad said and I nodded telling him that I was preparing for it for months and that I was very proud of the win.

"Um..Gavi can I have a signature??" small kid walked up to us followed by his mom who apologized but I shook my head saying that it was alright since I was kinda of used to it by now.

"Thank you!!" kid was so happy that it made me smile as he walked away and I continued to chat to her dad about the upcoming season.

When the pilot said we will start descending soon, I moved a little starting to wake her up so she can get buckled safely.

"Five more minutos, cariño!!"she whined like she always would when I woke her up and I chuckled hearing her mom say that she got it from her. I kissed her head repeatedly running my fingertips up and down her arm as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at me adorably.

"Estas bien?" she asked and I nodded reassuring her that I relaxed a lot more over the last few hours I chatted with her dad. We walked out and grabbed our bags getting into a taxi that drove us tot he hotel.

I have never been to Hawaii before and it was truly so beautiful all around. She was sitting next to me holding my hand while I looked through a window at the beautiful nature.

"Do you like it amor?" she asked and I turned to her nodding my head with a big smile on my face.

"It's so beautiful" I said and her dad turned front he front seat.

"You'll see how beautiful it will be from a boat ride" he said and we both looked confused with what he meant.

"There is an event with fireworks on the boat that we got tickets for you two" her mom explained and she looked so happy about it that it made me smile. That was really kind of them.

"As long as you make sure she stays safe while on the boat.." her dad added and she rolled her eyes.

"Of course, sir!" I said to the man feeling ehr grip tighten on my hand as we looked at each other and I shrug my shoulders making her giggle.

Your POV

After getting to the hotel and unpacking, we went to the dinner with some of the old family friends that lived in Hawaii now. They heard we were here and wanted to catch up so my parents agreed.

"Long time no see, beautiful girl!" woman said and I smiled shaking hands with her husband before they asked who Pablo was looking at him up and down. Way to make him nervous!

"This handsome boy is her boyfriend. Isn't he lovely?" my mom said proudly and Pablo shook their hands politely before grabbing onto mine as we walked to the table. He pulled my chair before sitting besides me.

"Soccer isn't it?" man asked and I could tell he meant it in a mocking way. This family was very rich and often found pleasure in insulting others.

"We call it football but yes, I play for Barcelona" Pablo answered and I smiled proudly knowing that my boy isn't one to back down from a fight.

"Youngest at the World Cup and winner of National title" my dad added and Pablo smiled nodding his head. I was glad my parents really loved Pablo and defended him like this.

"Our Illias played soccer. Do you remember Y/n?" woman said and I rolled my eyes knowing where this is going. She always thought I would end up with her son because he was just so "irresistible"...more like entitled dick!

"Yeah, only for one year..but Pablo plays professionally" I said and my mom gave me a glare which made me calm down feeling Pablo' grip tighten. It was his way of telling me that I shouldn't pay them any attention.

"Yeah, Illias decided on law school..very intelligent our boy is" she said and it made me want to vomit since I knew the only reason he agreed on law school was to keep getting money on his account.

"Yes, and your daughter broke his heart" man said while laughing meaning it as a joke but it really wasn't. It was true Illias asked you out (surely being instructed by his family) but you rejected him before leaving on your trip to Europe where you met Pablo.

"Be careful boy or she might get you too" woman laughed hysterically and I looked at my dad about to get the fuck out of this restaurant but then Pablo reacted.

"She already did, señora. This girl owns my heart and can do what she pleases with it.." he said kissing my head and shutting them up for good and I smiled leaning into him with a bright smile.

"Good man!" my dad whispered tapping Pablo's shoulder and I could tell he was gloating in pride.

Pablo's POV

It was already one week into our vacation, and I really grew to feel like a family member to her parents. They were always very kind to me and very supportive of our relationship.

"How do you say meat in Spanish boy?" her dad asked me while we were standing by the grill with beers in ours hands and I smiled happy he wanted to learn.

"Carne" I said and he nodded repeating it to me while flipping the steak skillfully.

"Daddy, can I steal my boyfriend for a moment??" she came snaking her arms around my waist and I smiled knowing that she was missing spending time with me whenever she would get this needy.

"Que pasa amor?" I said as we hid behind the wall and she went on her tip toes kissing my lips passionately while snaking her arms around my neck playing with my hair.

"Pablo!" her dad called after a few moments and she groaned making me chuckle at her clinginess.

"I'm really happy they love you..but can't they just leave us alone!" she whined and I kissed her lips again pulling her closer to my chest.

"Tonight, we are going out alone amorcito..and I promise you will have all of my attention" I said and she touched my abs underneath my shirt teasingly.

"All of it??" she smirked and I shook my head at her little stunt grabbing her chin and smashing my lips onto hers.

"All you can take, princesa" I whispered into her ear biting it a little and making her moan before retreating back to the grill to meet with her dad.

I knew I left her unsatisfied but it was also kinda cute to see her steal glances from me while I wasn't looking and act out on her 'frustration' for the rest of the day.

Your POV

"Alright, mom dad me and Pablo are heading out for tonight" I said feeling very frustrated and 'needy' especially after the teasing I received from my malicious boyfriend this morning.

"Should we wait for you for dinner? I am making that chicken dish Pablo loves so much" mom said and I swore to god I got jealous at my own mother. Can't they love him but leave us the hell alone!

"No! Um..we will eat something out. Right, cariño??" I said and Pablo was smirking at my sudden outburst knowing it was hard to control my built up craving anymore.

"Yeah, don't worry about it Mrs. Y/l/n" Pablo said politely and she gave him a kind smile before we both finally left the house.

"Where are we going??" Pablo said as we walked towards the beach and I was almost running away from home at this point.

"Somewhere we can finally be alone!" I said and he chuckled nodding his head in agreement. We arrived tot he beach and Pablo put down the blanket for us as we sat down and watched the beautiful sunset with me sitting between his lags and my back glued to his chest.

"It's so beautiful amor" he said while twirling a piece of my hair around his finger as sun completely set and we were surrounded by darkness.

"Everything is perfect when I'm with you..alone" I said and he chuckled as I turned around straddling his lap and running my hand through his hair gently while he held my hips.

"I'm very happy you parents love me tho preciosa" Pablo said and I looked at him smiling and nodding my head.

"Mhm..me too but cariño right now I want to have 'all of you attention' all night long.." I smirked grinding down on him and he took the signal kissing my lips passionately and laying me down on the blanket gently.

This family vacation will be something I will remember forever..<3

I hope you like it <3

[writersblockiskillingme]

Ona | Bojan Cvjetićanin

Pairing: Bojan Cvjetićanin x reader

Summary: Bojan wrote this song about you and preformed it at one of the bands concerts for the first time. Through the song he started to spill his feelings for you for the first time after your breakup and you have a few thoughts.

Warning/s: possible grammar and spelling mistakes, mention of mental breakdown, maybe one curse word, bad breakup.

Author's note: Here is one for out golden retriever beautiful boy. I hope that you enjoy this one! Feel free to send in requests if you want me to make something specific with him. Oh and, btw, here is the translation for this amazing song. Your welcome. 😉

It was so bright out there, it started to hurt your eyes a little bit. You were standing somewhere in the middle of the crowd watching the love of your love. The love of your life... that you decided to let go because you felt like you weren't good enough.

You were attending yet another Joker Out's concert, but it felt different this time. Maybe because Bojan and you weren't together anymore.

Joker Out was here, in Croatia's capital city of Zagreb. This was the next stop for their concert. This is where the two of you met. Right here in Zagreb on a hot, sunny day in a crowded city. In your hometown. In the breathing country where you were born and raised in.

So here you were. In your hometown where Joker Out was performing. The first time that you heard that they will be performing in Zagreb, it felt like someone punched you in the stomach. But then you felt something different, you felt the need to see him again. Even if he doesn't take a notice in you as you stood in the middle of the crowd that was dancing and singing along. So you decided to go.

The moment that they stepped onto the stage you felt like you would cry. You missed them all so much. You somehow found the strength deep in your soul to look at Bojan. And so you did. He was just so gorgeous. He looked even better then when he did on the day that you left him (Lana Del Rey anyone? No? Okay...). He still had long hair, he was tall and just oh, so handsome. You noticed one thing however, his playful and mesmerizing, so radiant, smile or his playful smirk wasn't pressed onto his face like it always was. It worried you, truly. You watched as they got in their possession and as Bojan took the microphone.

"So... for the first song I will be singing something that hasn't been released just yet." He spoke in Serbian (it's actually very similar to Croatian, you know?) as he watched the crowd go wild with excitement as they claped and shouted and screamed with pure joy, with pure excitement.

"This song is also very special to me." He said, his voice was deep as he looked down in what seems to be sadness.

"It's about a very special person about who, I hate to admit it, I didn't get over and I don't think that I ever will." He paused for a moment so he could take a deep breath so he could continue to speak. "I met her right here, actually. In the beautiful Zagreb a year ago and I can honestly say that I fell for her harder then I ever did for anyone." The crowd was cheering, screaming, in excitement as Bojan introduced Joker Out's unrelated song.

"This one is for her." He said as the rest of the bend slowly started to play the chords. You felt your last bit of your breath leave your lungs as you felt tears pricking in your eyes, your vision getting blurry. You couldn't move. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't think.

But once he met your eyes deep in the crowd, where you stood, just as he started to sing, you felt like you were going to collapse.

Hodam opet njenom ulicom

Brutalno se vuče otkad nisam više s njom

Stanem ispod njenog prozora

Jedna njena senka da me spasi očaja

Bojan was walking around the dark cornered alley in the middle of the night. It must have been midnight by now. As he walked, he could see his breath in the cold of the Zagreb's winter, cold night. As he watched his breath become visible in the cold, dark night, he found himself pulling his dark coat closer to himself. It was truly a good attempt to keep himself from freezing.

Before he knew it, he found himself walking along the familiar road. The road that he walked along too many times to count, but right now, he was all alone. He looked up so he could be met face to face with the moon. It was shining so brightly in the middle of the dark night's sky. It was staring right at him, it seemed like it was mocking him. It was mocking his heartbreak and his loneliness. It was mocking him.

Suddenly, as Bojan looked down, he felt like the last breath was knocked out of his lungs. You were skipping along the frozen road, your steps quickly increasing as you went towards your apartment.

He felt like a staker, even though he wasn't one. He slowely started to go after you, something was pulling him towards you. That invisible pull was there again, just like it first appeared when he saw you for the first time.

After a while, you finally came into your apartment. You leaned against the window with a heavy sigh. Bojan could see you from the street and as he watched you he felt like he was suffocating.

Bojan loved you. You know what? Scratch that. He loves you. He longs for you. He wants you to be safe and as he watched you quitly from down below, he once again exposed his pain for the Croatian girl to the moon. To the moon, to the darkes and the cold winter in the middle of the street.

Nisam ni zaslužio da završimo uživo

Jedna poruka i via more

Snegovi u avgustu sad po meni padaju

Dok tebe sunce greje, mi amore

It felt like it was a good day. Truly. Bojan and you went out to get lunch and to explore the city. You were just hanging out together and it felt so good to do it. However, all good things have to come to an end.

Bojan didn't expect it at all. It struck him like a bolt of lightning. Out of nowhere, just when you think the day is going to be beautiful, and it hit hard. Really hard. In fact, it hit so hard it hurt.

"I'm sorry, Bojan. I really don't want to do this, but I think it's for the best if we break up."

That was it. Bojan could still remember those words echoing in his mind even though you never said them out loud. You told him this through text messages and maybe that's why it hurts even more than it would if you told him that to his face.

You loved him so much. You still love him so much that it hurts. Joker Out was starting to be a big band that has so much potential, and with that came so much more fame. You just didn't want to be in the way. You felt like you weren't good enough for him. You felt like he could do, and deserves, so much better than you. You were so happy with him, in fact, you were happier than you have ever been. But you didn't want to be in the way. So you made a hard choice.

Nobody could ever know, nobody could ever describe the pain, suffering and all that misery that you felt that day. That miserable feeling you felt when you pressed that little "send" button on your phone. As you watched the message being sent, you cried so much that it felt like you were going to collapse. After that you cut all of the contacts with him.

It was for his own good, that's what you told yourself. It's what you always told yourself as you broke down in the middle of your bedroom floor.

Znaj, bebo, znaj

Celu noć sam plakao zbog tebe

Taj osećaj

Da za mene živo ti se jebe

Ubija me

Bojan felt like a part of his soul was ripped away from his body as he read that message over and over again. He cried so much it started to hurt. He has never felt this way before. He hated to admit it, but he has never loved anyone as much as he loves you. It was intoxicating, but most of all it was painful and infuriating.

It lasted too long. Jan didn't know what to do anymore. Bojan just kept on crying, he was crying for so long, in fact, it was already dark outside. Jan was afraid that something was going to happen to him if he doesn't do something. And quick. It looked like Bojan wasn't breathing anymore. His broken soul didn't allow him to take a break, even just so he could breathe.

So Jan panicked and before he knew it, he was calling you up. He watched Bojan from the other room as the grip on his phone tightened. He found himself silently begging you to pick up your damn phone and answer him.

And so you did. After the millionth ring and after about two hundred messages later. You picked up the phone.

Jan told you everything. You were crying before he called you and it took everything in your power to not break down while being on the phone call with Bojan's band mate and your friend. You were practically kicking yourself for your decision, but there wasn't much that you could do.

From that day on, Jan tried everything in his power to get you two to at least meet. And for the first time, in a very long time, he succeeded. He managed to convince you to come to their concert.

In the city where you met.

Znaj, bebo, znaj

Celu noć sam plakao zbog tebe

Taj osećaj

Da za mene živo ti se jebe

Ubija me

Ubija me

As Bojan sang the last few chords of the song, he never broke the eye contact. You felt a few tears betraying you as they ran down your cheeks. Before you knew it, you found yourself whispering the words for which you barely found the strength to say.

"Celu noć si plakao zbog mene." You said, practically out of breath. It felt like you were kicked in your stomach as he continued to hold your gaze. You felt more tears as you found yourself repeating the words you just said.

"Celu noć si plakao zbog mene..." You couldn't do this to yourself anymore. You couldn't do this to him anymore. It was too much. The pain and suffering was getting out of hand.

You had to fix this.

[irkimatsu]

It's been a mess, but despite everything, I'm glad I watched the Contest this year.

The EBU still aren't off the hook. Letting Israel compete was a disaster from the start, and their ideas of "neutral" turned more into "which country isn't part of our organization and therefore we don't have to care about them", which sucked more and more balls the further into things we got. I've also been hearing rumors swirling about the Israeli delegation being a bunch of pricks just looking for a fight, and I don't know how much of that is rumors, but I feel like they wouldn't have been so bold if the EBU wasn't so clearly taking sides beneath their fence sitting. I'm desperately hoping that someone learns from all this fuckery and does better next year. And that's not even touching what happened to Joost - if I'm interpreting what happened there correctly, disqualifying him was bullshit. If someone asks you to please get the camera out of his face because he's been followed by the media for a week and would like five fucking minutes to himself thank you very much, you respect his wishes. There were 15 other acts for that camerawoman to go bother. I'm still not clear what the "aggressive gesture" was, but if it really was just something like him shoving the camera out of his face, that's self-defense, leave him alone. Really wish I could have seen him in the final, but alas, this year just had to throw in one final clusterfuck.

Seeing Israel on top after that ridiculous televote, even if only for a moment, also sickened me. That song was not worth 300 points. I sincerely doubt all of those those votes were for the song. Eat shit.

But in the end, I got to see two non-binary acts competing and being their authentic selves, and most importantly, one of them won! I may have cried a little during Nemo's encore, I'm not going to lie. I may be developing a little bit of a crush. They're such a sweetheart and they deserved that win. I would have been happy for Croatia, too, of course! But from one genderfucked individual to another, I love to see it, and I can't help but feel that they're going to do good things with this win. Maybe they can give someone at the EBU the kick in the ass they need.

Overall, I'm glad the event went ahead as planned. At least it brought into the open some things that some people needed to hear. Now the EBU knows what happens when they continue to let Israel play, and it ain't pretty. If you want to play the non-political card, maybe hold the Israeli delegation to that same standard? Fucking hell.

Congrats to Nemo, though. <3

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: I Like Him & I Like Him Too {1}*

Title: Like Him & I Like Him Too {1}*

Lewis Tan x Reader x Rege Jean Page

Warning: Technical Cheating, Plot, References to NSFW Content, Angst, Two-Timing, Dishonesty,

Words: 6.5k

Summary: Who knew it was possible to feel a connection with not one man but two. That is the predicament you find yourself in, then you are faced with an impossible decision. Choose. Date them both. Enjoy them. Keep it simple. It seemed harmless. Men do it all the time, no problem, right? If only that were the case for you.

Note: They look so good together but then again so do the others. It was hard making a choice. I hope you guys like the choice. Loosely inspired by Princess Nokia's "I Like Him & I Like Him Too." Part 2 coming. Wanna be tagged? Send me a message.

As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate it!

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

"Choose."

You stood there stunned, frozen, and in complete disbelief.

This was not happening.

"Did you hear me, Y/N? You have to choose,” Regé said.

You heard him alright; you heard him loud and clear. You just couldn't make sense of your current situation. How in the world were they here right now? Last you’d heard one was in Croatia on set while the other in LA for meetings. How in the world were they both in your living room standing beside one another at this hour and moment in time? You looked from one to the other. They couldn't mean what you thought they meant right?

"Huh?"

It was high pitched and not very elegant or articulate, but it was all you could muster at the moment.

"We know you've been sleeping with us both. We've known for a while really. We knew and we still--but you have to choose now. Me or him?"

Your eyes widened at Lewis’ words. They did mean what you thought they meant. They knew? You have to choose? For a while? When did they find out? Why did they keep quiet? Why do this now? Why not just let things be what they were? So many questions echoed in your head.

"Shit," you whispered.

Panic filled you and bounced against every cell in your body. It was never a good thing when you panicked. You were an adult and completely capable of making your own decisions and fixing your problems, hell you’d been doing them for over ten years now. However, that all went out the window as you stood in front of the two men you’d been bouncing between for the last 4ish months, and you did the only thing you could think to do. You spun around and ran right back out the door you'd just walked through less than 5 minutes ago.

"Shit," you exclaimed, your voice echoing off the hollowed walls of the hall.

Standing there with your back pressed to the cold wall beside your door, you tried trying to wrap your head around things. With so many questions flitting through your head, you couldn’t hear yourself think let alone make sense of things. Unexpectedly, your door opened, and out marched the two of them.

"Y/N."

You shrieked, pushed yourself off the wall then hurried to the elevators. They didn't stop, they continued and advanced. So you increased your walk to a brisk speed walk.

"Where are you going?"

"You can't run from this,” Regé warned.

"You can't run from us," Lewis corrected.

"Stop. Just pick one of us."

No matter how many times you pressed the call button, the elevator didn't look like it was anywhere in sight, so you ran to the stairs at the end of the hall and then booked it down. You wanted to take them two at a time, but you knew the limits of your body and if you fell face-first down the stairs you would not escape this or them. It didn't matter one bit to you that you lived at the top of this 9-story condominium, it was the only feasible option. You only wanted to get away from them and this.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!”

With them shouting your name, you ran faster than a track star until you got to your car and sped off.

"What do I do? What do I do?"

You willed your panicked thoughts to slow so you could come up with soemthing and after a minute or two, you had the solution.

"Nicki! She'll know what to do."

You made a hard right just before you lost the turning green then sped to your best friend's house.

~~~~~~~~

"Bahahahahahahahhah!"

Nicki was on her back shaking her legs in the air hugging her stomach and going through the longest burst of laughter ever. What’s more, she was laughing at you.

Unbelievable!

"Really Nicki?"

You sat there with your arms crossed and a snooty pout on your lips. This was just like her, you thought. You were in the middle of a practical life crisis, and she was laughing at said life crisis.

"Aahahahbaahabahabahabah! Yes really. Wait. Wait,” she said while trying to catch her breath.

When she finally calmed just a bit, she used the backs of her hands to wipe the tears from her eyes and cheeks. “Wooooo, wow. So, they were there in your living room waiting for you. Then they told you to choose before you even kicked off your shoes?"

You nodded and she laughed some more.

"Then--then aaahahahahahha. Then you ran like a runaway bride with them chasing you screaming for you to choose? Hahahahahaha! Omg Y/N how is your life a soap opera, a comedy, and a drama all at once?"

"As my best friend you are not supposed to be laughing at me right now. Not right now Nic!”

She dramatically rolled her eyes. "Yes, I am. First I told you not to flirt and entertain them both. Then I told you not to go on a date with both of them. Then I told you definitely don’t sleep with both of them. I told you they would find out. I told you that you were playing with fire and opening Pandora's box. Now look."

She shook her head. “What a twisted web we weave when we practice to deceive,” she said, echoing your mother’s prized saying. It was a saying that you’d hated all your childhood and now as a grown-ass adult you hated it even more.

"First of all, I didn’t practice to deceive anyone. I didn't mean to sleep with both of them. Second, I didn't even keep it from them. Yeah I didn’t come out and say it to either of them but it wasn't a secret,” you defended.

Nicki still shook her head at you with a glint of humor in her eyes. You knew she wanted to laugh at you some more, but she was doing her damndest to keep it in.

You groaned, “Jesus how did I get into this mess."

"Girl. Don't bullshit me. I am the queen of bullshit. I spew it so much for my own benefit I can smell it a mile away. You know just how you got into this mess. Your indecisive ass wanted your beautiful and perfect two-layered multi-flavored frosting with all the pretty decorations and to eat that shit too.”

You hated the truth to her words. You were indecisive but it wasn’t as crass as she was making it. You didn’t set out to two time.

“It’s not like that.”

“Do you like Regé?”

You scowled dramatically. “I like him.”

“And Lewis?”

“I like him too,” you whined.

Shit, this was a mess.

~~~~~~~~~

4 Months Ago

With your lens pointed just over the love lock bridge, you tried to capture the perfect angle that showed the bridge and the horizon. Just as you’d predicted the sunset made everything even more dreamy looking. The creamy orange, magenta, and mauve colors blended together and gave an appearance of a freshly done watercolor painting. You couldn’t help but smile as the tingles ran through your arms to your fingertips as they always did when your entire being knew you had the perfect shot.

Losing yourself in each frame, you snapped to your heart’s content. It wasn’t until you realized you’d turned yourself around to catch a whole different angle that before your lens was the most beautiful man you’d had the privilege of seeing in a long time. He stood at the bridge; elbows braced on the metal looking out with a pensive but serene look on his face. He looked to either be deep in thought about something or completely at peace.

You barely heard the gentle clicks coming from your camera with every picture you took. Part of you couldn’t believe that such a perfect model and shot existed. The Eiffel Tower just behind him added such a romantic element that you could hardly wait to get back to develop the shots and analyze them.

“Wow,” you muttered completely lost and in the zone.

You stepped sideways, around, then back and forth while changing the way you held your camera trying to milk the moment for everything it was worth. Without realizing it, the man had turned and was now staring directly at you. Still, you didn’t stop taking pictures. The fact that he was staring so intently into the lens only made the shot ten times better.

Snap-Snap, Snap-Snap-Snap, Snap-Snap.

Suddenly there he was up close and personal barely 5 inches from the lens. Startled, you snapped one more picture then leaped back.

“Oh my god. You scared the crap out of me.”

He smiled and then raked his fingers through his dark locks that looked so tempting. You immediately wanted to reach up and thread your fingers through it. You got so lost in the thought you followed where it led and when you had a flash of him pressing you against the bridge and kissing you with your fingers embedded in his hair and his hand plastered along your hips, you gasped.

“I would say take a picture it’ll last longer but looks like you already did,” he said pointing to your camera.”

“Huh?”

“The camera.”

You looked to your hands then finally understood.

“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. I—I didn’t mean to.”

“Oh no. What I was just too irresistible?”

“Actually—yeah. I was snapping the bridge and the Eiffel but then somehow you came in focus, and you just looked so—contemplative like you had so much on your mind but were at peace with it all. You looked meant for the scene. There was something about you. I couldn’t help myself.”

The way he stared at you was much more than two strangers exchanging simple words. The way his deep hazel eyes locked onto yours kept you rooted to where you stood. In this moment everything faded away. The throngs of people walking across the bridge taking pictures and merrily chatting, the couples securing new locks on the bridge, the school of seagulls and other birds flapping in the air above your heads, the loud sounds of the busy Persian city around you. All that you could see was him and his hypnotizing eyes.

“I’m Lewis,” he said holding his hand out to you. “And I’ll let you keep the pictures if you agree to have dinner with me tonight.”

His lips turned up in a soft smile that said he’d asked a question he knew the answer to, and he was just allowing you to confirm it. Such confidence you thought to yourself. He was clearly a man who always got what he wanted. Right now the only question in your mind was how much you wanted from him.

With a smile of your own, you placed your hand in his. “I’m Y/N and dinner sounds nice.”

A few hours later after ransacking your luggage to find the perfect dress that would ensure he was as captivated by you as you had been by him, you found yourself sitting before him at a restaurant that overlooked the Eiffel as well as the beautiful lights of the city. If he looked beautiful on the bridge he looked downright sinful tonight.

His black casual suit hugged his figure like a glove highlighting his toned and muscular frame. You hadn’t noticed earlier but now you could see he spent a significant amount of time being active. He looked strong and powerful. As he spoke you found yourself unable to look away from his eyes. Every word he spoke lit them in a different way. It was so easy to see he was a passionate man. A man who lived his life with passion and enthusiasm. To be honest, you were very drawn to that.

By the time the 2nd course came around you’d figured out where you’d seen him from. He tried to not make you feel like an idiot for not realizing he was an actor and instead said he thought it was endearing that you hadn’t recognized him automatically. Part of you was apprehensive about entertaining a celebrity but the other part wanted to ignore it and judge him on more than his profession. It was a back-and-forth debate all through dinner.

Dinner was perfect. There was never an awkward silence. The conversation easily flitted from topic to topic. When he spoke about acting you could tell he was in love with the profession. However when he spoke about martial arts you saw that was where his true love was. There was something about a man who could make you feel something about his hobbies and interests just from how he spoke about them.

After dinner, you walked through the city talking. You told him everything about your photography and even told him where he could find some of your stuff. Rather than waiting he dropped onto a bench, pulled out his phone and searched your name. Slowly he poured over your work complimenting every piece but going even deeper by discussing the components of photography that no one would randomly know.

You almost fell off the bench when he confessed he had a love of photography and filming too. It was then the universe made the decision that the night would end with you panting his name.

Sure enough almost an hour on the dot from when the decision was made his tongue was down your throat and your back was pressed on the crisp white sheets of the bed in his hotel room. You should have felt easy or slutty for getting it in on the first date, but you didn’t. There was an undeniable connection between the two of you and it was one you weren��t interested in denying or fighting.

The next morning you were the first awake and after taking a few minutes to stare at his gorgeous face you began dressing ready to make your dignified exit. However, just when you thought you’d make it out the door free and clear you felt his arms wrap around you pulling you back to him and in the bed for round 3.

One night turned into 3 days and 4 nights. You explored the city together, took pictures together, and had breakfast, lunches, and dinners. You made out like kids during the day and fucked like porn stars at night. By the time you went your separate ways, you each had the other’s number with vows to see each other again.

A month and a half went by with the both of you texting and video calling each other as you each got back to your own lives. You decided to let fate decide what was to be and not to be. Lewis was a sweetheart the entire time. He always sent you a “good morning beautiful” texts at the ass crack of dawn, so you’d see it first thing, he sent flowers to your apartment with notes reminding you he was thinking of you, “good night” texts and everything in between. He was the perfect guy and with every sweet gesture, you fell harder and harder for him.

By the two-month mark, you’d met up a handful of times to spend time together and usually you always ended up in bed together. Neither of you placed a label on things but it was obvious you enjoyed the time you spent together. It was around that time that you’d been chosen as the photographer for a celebrity photoshoot which led to your increasingly busy days. You wanted to make sure you were prepared and that your chosen direction for the shoot was the best.

Once the shoot day arrived you were well prepared. You were so prepared that you were already in the zone setting yourself up and talking to the crew about where you wanted to take the shoot. When you met the actor for the shoot you forgot how to speak for a minute. You’d known who he was because you’d watched the Bridgerton series and had heard all the hype about him. Even your best friend Nicki was going gaga over him.

When you laid eyes on him, you definitely understood why. He was fine as fuck. Somehow his face looked perfectly crafted. It was symmetrical and each feature was well-proportioned. He was gorgeous. Then when he spoke it was over. You knew the shoot was going to be next to impossible to get through without some filthy thoughts.

Surprising yourself, you managed to remain completely professional. You instructed him on posing and directed the shoot with ease. Half the work was having a good subject but with him, you found yourself easily in the zone. It was so easy to go through each different setting on the orchard that was rented for the shoot. He looked born for the camera.

With Regé underneath an apple tree, you approached him and rearranged his clothing while moving him to a better angle. You could feel his eyes on you, feel him watching everything you did but you didn’t want to focus on it. You knew if you did you could possibly get lost in his eyes and if he spoke good heavens it was a wrap.

When you scoped him from behind the lens you almost wished the fangirls were behind you to see it live. It was a great shot. As if directed to, Regé reached up and grasped a low hanging apple and cocked his head upward giving off instant BDE.

“Holy shit,” you whispered.

From then, every shot was impeccable. He required minimal directing, low coaxing and was always on point knowing which angle or which pose made him look the most devastatingly handsome. By the time the shoot wrapped, you’d run 2 hours before time. You said your thank yous and goodbyes then holed up in your van to get a head start on going over the footage.

You were so transfixed in what you were doing that you didn’t even notice the knock on the glass. When you finally opened it, there stood Regé holding two large cups with orange-looking liquid and a wide smile on his face.

“Uuuh,” you stretched as you gawked at his mouth.

“You’re probably wondering what in the world I’m doing here, right?”

“Um--,” you began.

“I’d be wondering the same thing and normally I wouldn’t do this. I told myself not to do it if you believe that. I sat in my car ready to drive back to LA and made it thirty minutes back before I came back here. Now I’m thinking this might have been a bad move.”

His rambling was adorable. You couldn’t help but pinch your lips together in an attempt to stifle the laugh that wanted freedom. Seeing the humor on your face, Regé snorted, hung his head then shook it.

“Yeah. I’m gonna—go.”

“Don’t. You drove an hour to get here, the least I can do is take whatever it is that you’ve brought me,” you said.

Regé took you in for a few moments, probably trying to gauge if you were mocking him or being sincere. You smiled warmly hoping it came off as sincere. You watched as his bunched shoulders relaxed and his smile returned.

How stinking cute!

He got closer then held out one of the large cups. “I saw you drinking this all day and had the set assistant tell me what it was. Carrot, mango, banana, pineapple smoothie with ginger half an apple and a dash of turmeric, right?”

You were impressed.

“Wow. Even down to the turmeric you got right.”

“The details are important to me.”

You smiled and took the cup. “Thank you.”

You took a hearty sip and moaned. “Good stuff.”

Regé smiled and you noted something quirky about his mouth. It wasn’t something off-putting or unattractive it was a tiny quirk about him that made him even more attractive. Realizing you were staring; you cleared your throat.

“Want to come in my van?”

Regé quirked a brow, “I don’t know. We’ve all heard stories of getting in vans with strangers.”

You giggled and rolled your eyes. “Strangers? I think I am better acquainted with you than your best friend. I just spent the last 9 hours up close and very personal with every inch of your face. I can recite in detail every freckle, mole, and beauty mark.”

“Is that so?”

Nodding, you took another sip of your smoothie.

“I am tempted to challenge you on that, but I’ll concede.”

“Plus I think little ol’ me couldn’t overpower you even a little bit to have my with you,” you teasingly said.

Regé scoffed. “I can testify that there would be no need for overpowering.”

Your eyes locked and you registered the flirtatious aura coming off him.

Dear lord help me he is flirting with me now.

“Eh-em, since that’s clarified, come on in.”

He climbed into the van with you shutting the doors behind him. When he looked at what you were doing he lurched back.

“Wow. I’m everywhere.”

“You sure are. Not a bad view I’d say.”

Again your eyes met, and his perfect cupid’s bow lined lips lifted to the side.

“Anyway, I was just doing some touch-ups and playing around with some elements. You’re welcome to tell me which ones you like and which you don’t. It might make my job of narrowing them down easier.”

For the next few hours, you sat in the van discussing photography, the world, his hobbies, and everything in between. You laughed, teased, and flirted easily. It felt like you’d been friends for years and though there was an air around you both that reeked of flirtation and seduction, it didn’t make things awkward at all.

By the time both of you realized you’d been locked in the van for over three hours, the sun had already begun to set over the canyons. You were the one to make a move to get back to the city first. Regé opened the driver’s door for you and then waited for you to secure yourself. Once it was shut, you said your goodbyes. Just when you’d put the key in the ignition, you heard a tap on the glass.

“Forgot something?”

“I did and it’s something that I would regret for a very long time.”

Confusion filled you as you waited for him to continue.

“My mother has always told me things happen for a reason and whenever I find myself in certain situations, I should do what I can to fully take advantage of it. It’s better to live fully than have regrets. I know I’d regret it if I got in my car and drove back to LA and left things up to chance to see you again because I’d think about you every day until chance stepped in. I want to take the middleman out. Can I see you again, Y/N?”

Your jaw dropped. This was not on your bingo card for the year. You hadn’t expected to meet one celeb and feel an instant connection let alone a second and have the same connection. For a moment, your mind ran on Lewis and your time spent together in France. Part of you felt like the right thing to do was turn Regé down because of what you may have started with Lewis, but the other part felt no qualms accepting Regé advances especially since there were no defined terms on your relationship with Lewis.

“I’d like that,” you said.

“Really?”

You nodded and his smile could have lit up the evening sky.

“How about dinner tomorrow. I’m in town for 2 more days and tomorrow is the only free one I have. If that doesn’t work for you then I can try to rearrange some things on my schedule for the day after.”

He began pulling out his phone ready to do just that if you required it. Smiling you shook your head.

“No, tomorrow works fine for me.”

Your eyes locked again, and you both remained where you were just smiling at each other. It took a few moments after you exchanged numbers for both of you to get on your way back to the city, but your drive back was a pleasant one despite the ridiculous traffic.

“Don’t do it,” Nicki said over the phone the following night as you were getting dressed in your hotel room for your date with Regé.

“Why? Nicki if you were there and saw how he was, omg he is adorable in a sweet, sexy, gentlemanly way.”

“I hear that and of course, he is the Duke of Hastings.”

The two of you busted out laughing.

“See. I am burning to go on this date.”

“Yeah I know just what is burning. You should get that checked out.”

You snorted and rolled your eyes.

“I’m serious. You’ve started something with the other one. You can’t start something with this one too. You know what that’s called.”

“Okay yes, but we have no concrete plans to see each other again and this is just dinner.”

The silence on the line said everything you needed to hear to know what Nicki’s face looked like.

“Y/N,” she cautioned.

You knew she was probably right, but you couldn’t ignore the connection you felt with him in the van, hell even during the whole shoot. There was something about him, something that you were curious to delve deeper into.

“You’re still going aren’t you?”

“It’s just dinner.”

With that, you made your way to the address Regé texted you. When you arrived, you stepped out to the exterior of one of LA’s most exclusive hotels. It was then you paused. Was this a good idea? You stood there for a few minutes weighing your options but by the time you stepped inside the lobby, you’d landed on only one. Do what feels right.

One of the lobby attendants led you through and around a few corners to a dining room that was completely empty except for one table with plenty of roses to line your path. It was breathtaking. At the table stood Regé in a comfortable navy-blue suit that looked custom-made for him. It fit him so well you couldn’t stop your eyes from roaming over him.

Have mercy.

When you approached him, his smile made butterflies hijack your belly. You practically gawked at him as you exchanged pleasantries. Every smile only drew you deeper and deeper in. Throughout the night, he did all the right things, pulled out your chair for you, laid your napkin across your lap for you, poured your wine, actively listened to everything you said, asked the right questions that showed he had a genuine interest in you and your thoughts, and even maintained eye contact rather than allowing his eyes to dip down to your cleavage.

By the time the 3rd course ended, you knew this was not just one dinner. There was no way it could be just dinner. You could already see another dinner, lunch, and even breakfast with this man. You could see beach walks, trips in first class, art museum trips, leisure walks through libraries, and wine-colored sheets tangled at your ankles.

Fuck!

Three hours, plenty of deep conversation, flirtatious looks, hand grazes, laughs, and whispers later, those wine-colored sheets you’d envisioned had been manifested in his hotel room and they were in fact tangled around your ankles and your wrists. He may have looked like a gentleman, but in the sheets, Regé Jean Page, was a freak and you could not get enough of him.

The next morning, you’d managed to sneak away before he woke but found a rather embarrassing floral arrangement at your hotel by late afternoon with a note asking you to “encompass all his free time for the foreseeable future”. You were totally gone at that point. He had you and looking back was a thing you did not know how to do.

~~~~~~~~~

-Present Day-

You hadn’t gone back to your place the whole day. Nicki said you could stay with her for a few days while you cleared through the shambles of your life. All you could do was think over the last four months of your life. You went through meeting both Regé and Lewis and how the first date with both went. Then your thoughts moved to the time you’d spent together over the last few months.

After you’d spent the few days with Regé in LA, he made sure that you knew he had intentions of seeing you again and that this was not a one-and-done situation. You liked that he spoke with intention and didn’t leave things up to chance. So when he’d gone back to London and you to New York, you were pleasantly surprised when he made plans for you to come to London to spend a week with him.

That week was a good week. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d laughed so much or felt like such a mushy girl. He made you feel prized, precious and cherished like he didn’t ever want you to doubt what he felt. There was something about him that gripped you, something about him that you wanted to keep forever.

A week after you’d returned to NY, Lewis came out to visit under the guise that it was for work. However, by the 2nd day of his visit, he let it slip that it was just because he missed you too much and needed his fix of you. Where Regé made you feel prized, precious, and cherished, Lewis, made you feel owned, safe, and protected like you were the only person on his mind at all times. It was intoxicating to have his eyes on you and even more dizzying when his lips were on you.

That is how it went. Every two weeks you saw one of them, either in your neck of the woods or theirs and you spent a week together. One blissful, fun, sensual, hedonistic week together where you learned more about each other and found more and more things that you liked. By the 3rd month, you found yourself in a state of confusion because you’d begun mixing things up between them.

Before you were able to manage your feelings and the butterflies they gave you. You were able to compartmentalize things and find a way to continue this arrangement without allowing the sex, sweet words, cuddles, deep gazes, hand-holding, breathless whispers, late-night promises, looks of adoration, and sensual heat of their auras to trip you up. That had practically vanished by the 3rd month.

You found yourself reading into actions, texts, looks, kisses, and touches. It was difficult to leave things at face value or just at flesh-on-flesh indulgence, or even a pass time or distraction from your stressful and chaotic lives. Missing both of them intensely had become a new normal, a painful normal, a normal you didn’t quite like. Thinking about them constantly was at the basic level of your day and had become quite distracting. Needless to say, Nicki’s earlier warnings had come to fruition.

The image of Regé and Lewis standing practically side by side in your living room earlier flashed into your mind and you groaned. Slamming the pillow over your head, you screamed into it hoping to get your frustration and panic out. However, after almost a full minute of screaming, you still felt at the highest level of panic.

Bzz-Bzz

The sound of your notifications once again alerted you of possibly another message. Your phone had been blowing up the entire afternoon since you ran from the two men in your apartment. They’d called, texted, video called, what’s app’d, IG DM’d, and everything in between. You hadn’t replied or even checked them. You were too afraid of what the messages and voicemails said. What if they were pissed with you and were thoroughly sucking you out in all the messages? What if they were breaking up with you? What if they wanted an explanation? What if they still wanted you to choose?

That was probably the most terrifying option for you. Choosing. How in the world could you choose? The thought made your stomach swirl with nausea, made your head pound as if you’d found yourself on the wrong side of a hangover, and your heart thud dangerously fast. Who were you supposed to choose?

You allowed your thoughts to drift to the possibility of choosing between them. You thought about choosing Regé and went through the motions of envisioning moving forward with just him and things looked beautiful, but it didn’t take long for Lewis’ face to pop into your mind and all the things you’d miss about him to flood the daydream of you and Regé. Then when you switched and thought of choosing Lewis and went through those motions of moving forward with him the same thing happened. Soon, you were staring blankly into the ceiling with Lewis’ face on one side and Regé’s face on the other.

“Fuck,” you forcefully whispered.

In this moment, it was clearer than crystal to you the level of fucked you were. You were so fucked you saw no way to unfuck yourself. You’d fucked yourself the minute you decided to entertain them both. You’d fucked yourself the moment you’d allowed Regé to kiss you. You’d fucked yourself the moment his large hands held yours above your head as he ravaged your body and plowed into your core like he had a mission, and it was to embed his very essence and aura into you so in the event of this moment where you thought to choose anyone but him you’d find it impossible.

You grabbed your phone, held your breath then looked at your notifications. 20 missed calls. 40 unread messages and several others from social media apps.

“Fuck!”

You saw the last missed call was twenty minutes ago from Lewis and before you tapped the call log your phone buzzed to life again with another call, this one from Regé. You froze and allowed it to ring out to voicemail. Guilt filled you so heavily that you had to reach down to ball the blanket in your fist. Once you’d gained some composure, you tapped your messages and tapped Lewis’.

MSG Lewis: Y/N. Come on. This is childish. You can’t ignore me forever.

Sighing, you scrolled up to the very beginning.

MSG Lewis: Seriously!? You ran away!              3:04pm

MSG Lewis: Both of us! I can’t believe you’d do that.      3:07pm

MSG Lewis: I thought I meant something to you. I thought we had something. Turns out it was a lie. You were playing me.       3:10pm

MSG Lewis: I didn’t deserve that.          3:11pm

MSG Lewis: I need to know why. Why’d you do it??         3:15pm

MSG Lewis: Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Say something wrong?     3:16pm

MSG Lewis: Wasn’t I enough?                 3:21pm

MSG Lewis: You should have told me from the beginning if you didn’t feel the same way for me as I did for you.               3:30pm

MSG Lewis: You need to answer the phone and explain Y/N. You got me all fucked up.                                        3:55pm

MSG Lewis: None of this makes any sense. The way we were. The things you said. The things you let me do to you. It makes no sense.     4:01pm

MSG Lewis: Was this all sex for you? Did none of it mean anything to you? Did I mean nothing?                                 4:05pm

MSG Lewis: When did it start?                    4:30pm

Msg Lewis: Were you ever going to tell me if I didn’t show up today with him?                            4:32pm

MSG Lewis: You have to choose one of us.          5:00pm

MSG Lewis: Shit I should just delete your number and move on at this point. You’ve shown me how little you respect me.          5:20pm

MSG Lewis: I don’t know how to though.               6:30pm

MSG Lewis: You got me fucked up!            11:45pm

You finished the long line of texts from Lewis and the tears that rolled down your cheeks was impossible to stop. He sounded so hurt, so broken, but not angry. You deserved his anger. If he would have done this to you there is no one in the world that would have been able to stop you from kicking him in the nuts and ending things with the most vicious words?

However, seeing how the roles were reversed, your belly dropped with the thought of him deleting your number and moving on. It sank in then, that wasn’t what you wanted at all. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard ready to type a message. Should it be “I’m sorry”, “I didn’t mean for this to happen”, or “It’s not what you think”? Nothing seemed right, nothing seemed like enough. There was too much to say to sum it up in a text.

Sighing, you went to Regé’s messages. Before you began reading you took several calming breaths.

MSG Regé: I can’t believe you’d do this. You ran?!              3:05pm

MSG Regé: Both of us? I did not expect that from you.       3:06pm

MSG Regé: I thought we had something special. I thought we were special. You’ve been lying to me though.          3:11pm

MSG Regé: You’ve been making a fool of me this whole time!  None of it was real. Was it? 3:12pm

MSG Regé: Why? Why lie? Was this all about sex?      3:15pm

MSG Regé: I wouldn’t have done this to you.       3:16pm

MSG Regé: I need to know the truth. Answer the phone Y/N. Please. Just pick up. 3:20pm

MSG Regé: I’ve been nothing but good to you. Respectful of you and honest with you. Why wasn’t that enough?             3:30pm

MSG Regé: Why wasn’t I enough?       3:31pm

MSG Regé: If you weren’t all in you shouldn’t have agreed to that first date. Shouldn’t have let me kiss you. Shouldn't have gone up to my room. Shouldn't have let me put my hand underneath your dress. There are so many things you shouldn't have done. So many things.         3:40pm

MSG Regé: I can’t make sense of any of this. The more I think about it there is no way you were pretending. Were you?      4:00pm

MSG Regé: This can’t be all about sex. Right?          4:10pm

MSG Regé: Was I first or was he?      4:30pm

MSG Regé: Was this all a game to you?     4:45pm

MSG Regé: If we didn’t confront you would you have fessed up or kept lying?      5:00pm

MSG Regé: I don’t even know if I care about you choosing anymore. If you cared about me we wouldn’t be here.       5:30pm

MSG Regé: I don’t even know who you are. It all feels like a lie.  You feel like a lie and definitely who I thought you were.    5:45pm

MSG Regé: I should end this.             6:00pm

MSG Regé: But I don’t think I can.             11:55pm

You dropped the phone then buried your face again into the pillow and allowed yourself to cry. You’d royally fucked up, and what was worse was that you had no idea what you were going to do about it.

A/N: To Be Continued....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[monkiestitches]

I know I rarely come on here and post stuff, but this is something serious that I think needs to start being boosted onto this platform if it hasn’t already. It’s everywhere on TikTok but that is not enough, so hopefully I can start a wave of awareness that is just as strong here as it is on TikTok.

In the rare instance that you don’t know, I will explain now;

Today I wish to bring light to the Genocide that is going on in Gaza, as well as many other Genocides that, only now, are being brought to light.

As of right now of writing this (November 14th, 2023), there has been an ongoing Genocide in Palestine that is being lead by Israel and started on October 7th of this year when a conflict occurred between Israel and Hamas/led Palestinian militants from the Gaza Strip. Palestine has been under attack from Israel for longer though, since 1947 and, from 2006, there were a total of five wars between Hamas and Israel.

This year it has continued to worsen, now reaching large media coverage from journalists - many of which have been killed in the bombings as well as its citizens. In total a number of 11,100 and counting have been killed since October 7th, a large majority of the deaths being women and children, children including babies who have ranged from two years old to just being born, their lives ended before they can even walk.

People around the world, including those in Palestine themselves have demanded a ceasefire and for help from governments across the globe. Yet no help has been given to them, why? Because they side with Israel, these governments include and are not limited to the ones listed in this video:

Incase you can’t watch it for whatever reason at the moment, I will list here the major countries that, as of writing this, are pro-Israel;

- U.S.A/United States America

- Germany

- Guatemala

- India

- Austria, Hungary, Czechia, Croatia(Within Europe)

- France(Though they voted against Israel in the Humanitarian Truce Vote, they are still worthy of adding into this list)

And now for those who are AGAINST Israe/Pro-Palestinel:

- Iran/The Taliban

-Syria

- Chilli

- Columbia

- Bolivia

- Turkey

- Qatar

Please do keep in mind that things like this are possible to change, only time will tell but regardless it is important to keep note of who is supporting who.

Now this may be the part where I ask you to please go and support Palestine and do what you can. But that’s not it, not yet, for Palestine is not the only country under threat of Genocide. Unfortunately, there are more.

Congo and Haiti are also under going silent Genocides, both countries being extorted for their mineral resources to benefit western countries: Congo for example, their people being forced into slave labour to mine sources - one such resource being the ones to make iPhones and laptops, probably what you’re using right now to read this. The resource are called Tatalum and Coltan, and they are stained with the blood those forced to mine them.

Haiti is under a constantly corrupted and unstable government management with a rise of gang activities to go with it. No help has been given to them.

And western countries have done absolutely JACK SHIT to help.

That has to change. We cannot simply just demand for only Palestine, Congo or Haiti be freed and helped, but instead we demand ALL countries be helped. It’s obvious by now that our governments could care less about the people, they care about historical affiliations and keeping good connections for the sake of financial and resourceful of benefits.

Hope is not entirely lost, though, as many have taken to protest against and raise awareness to the inhumane cruelty that had been put into the light. I strongly encourage you to do the same. I am not asking that you go and fight the wars and fox the economies by yourself, I am asking that you merely acknowledge and SPREAD THE WORD.

Ignorance is a privilege we shall not let anyone have when it comes to atrocities like these.

What can you do to help?

Again, you just spread the word; repost, post, talk to friends or family about it, do whatever you can to so read awareness. Donate to charities(Be sure to do your research before doing so as, unfortunately, they are many who would take advantage of tragedies such as these for financial gain. Please be sure to research who or whatever you are donating money to so you know for sure where your money will be going.)

We are right now in the midst of a historical event, history is repeating and we are doomed if we stay quiet and do nothing. Hope is not lost.

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free. So will Congo and Haiti.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Don't know if you'll remember me but a few months back I had some sibling gossip that I shared with you (my sister having sex with a different guy every week, even with married/taken men, not going to the gyno and all that)

So now I fucked up (not in relation to my sister gossip 😅)

As I've already mentioned, we found a summer job at the seaside in Croatia (we're for the other side of Croatia), we've been here for more than two months and 2 weeks ago I met a German guy (he's 30, I'm 23) and we were regularly hooking up (the sex was AMAZING btw, first time I squirted 😳) until friday when he went back to Germany

The reason I fucked up is because I kindaaaa caught feelings a little bit 🤏🤡

Appearently he's coming back in 2/3 weeks and asked me if I'll still be here so we can continue meeting up, but he hasn't answered my messages on insta since he left and now I'm kinda sad/mad

And not to mention that I'm going home in a month and I'll probably never see him again and I don't know how I feel about this whole situation

I need to lose these feelings fast 😅

Sorry if I'm bothering you with this but I needed to share this with someone because I'm too embarrassed to tell my sister or my friends

Hellooo, hope you have been good!

Girlie🥴 where did you got yourself into💀 Don't message him anymore, if he's interested in you he'll reach out to see how are you, how's your day and stuff, not only for a bit of fun time whenever he wants. I do agree, you need to lose feelings fast😅🤭 so go out with friends, meet new people, do anything you want and get your mind out of him. Don't stress yourself out too much, you're young and you said you'll go back home in a month and probably won't see him again so I think it's better if you forget about him and just enjoy your life; if he comes back, good and if he doesn't it's good as well.

And pls, no one is a bother, take care🌻

[sztansescheadache]

it’s time for my top 36 as of march. keep in mind that this year is super strong (rivalling my beloved 2016 in terms of song quality) and my top 10 has 16 songs in it. they also change placements depending on my mood

1. norway - i got chills the first time i’ve listened to this song and i get them every singe time i push play on it. pure art, so atmospheric, magical, the mixture of rock and folk with gunnhild’s godly vocals and amazing lyrics IN NORWEGIAN i am just beyond in love with this song IT WAS MADE FOR MY TASTE

2. estonia - it was the first song i listened to form the eesti laul line up and i just knew nothing was gonna beat it for me. it’s just so fun, with funny lyrics and a great folk-ish instrumental. crazy party of this year for me

3. the netherlands- gabber core on my esc?????? no way i lived to see this day. i am absolutely in love with this song- the music the visuals and the touching story of this song - instant hit. europapa has infected my brain permanently. joost was right 12 points to the netherlands

4. slovenia - this just so powerful, i love the siren core aesthetic and sound of this song. raivens voice is hypnotising like of a siren, you can’t help but get immersed in it

5. switzerland - it took a while to fully kick in but i absolutely love it now. the genre mix was a little bit confusing at first but now i’m just amazed at this combination of dnb opera pop alternative and rap - and the fact that it actually works together

6. belgium - they’re back to their dark pop era and IM GLAD. the outro had me on my knees, it’ll be so big during the live

7. lithuania - the 20s are lithuanias golden age, they are finally not afraid of sending their own language and they’re doing it with class. luktelk is a banger we deserved, modern, addicting. i hope for a top 10 for lithuania

8. italy - E LA CUMBIA DELLA NOIA💃💃 a true mediterranean banger, with amazing lyrics an overall full package, angelina is super charismatic, she’s a breath of fresh air for italy for sure

9. portugal - it wasn’t even my winner of fdc but i just fell in love with this after seeing that performance. it’s so elegant, calm, the lyrics are truly moving, everything in both the song and the fdc performance is so well thought out. some people will say it’s just another portuguese ballad but i think it stands out with its grace amongst the others

10. greece - it’s pop but an experimental one, mixing reggaeton maybe some hyperpop elements even? zari is greek to its core and while being very ethnic it’s also innovative and fresh. i constantly find myself humming this song. i can see it doing really well or finishing in bottom 5 - everything depends on the staging. but i love it i hope greece won’t be afraid to continue this more experimental route

11. ireland - my alternative heart is so happy to see a song and a performer like this on esc. you either live doomsday blue or hate it - i loved it form the first listen. it’s dark alluring enigmatic angry - an experience overall

12. spain - ever since it won benidorm my brain just randomly goes ZORRA‼️ ZORRA ‼️ZORRA ‼️in the middle of the day. it’s not even a guilty pleasure it’s just pure pleasure. i love how unapologetic this song is, the message of it, pure fun and celebration

13. ukraine - i absolutely love it as i do with almost every ukrainian entry although i have to admit it grew off me a little bit. it’s still a contender for the win in may and i wouldn’t be mad tbh. it’s a well made, powerful entry, ukraine always delivers

14. croatia - same like with the previous one it grew off me a little bit but it’s still a banger. this is croatia’s best shot at getting a top10 result and i wish them all the best. it’s pure fun and craziness

15. serbia - this year lacks ballads sm, so serbia (and portugal) have the chance to stand out bringing a cool down in between the chaos. ramonda is calm and reflective and so beautiful evoking all the right emotions. it feels very intimate even on a huge stage. i love meaning of the lyrics

16. sweden - is it a basic pop song? yes? did it also brought me to my knees with this beat and the staging? also yes. like i’m the biggest sweden hater but omg i just can’t help but bang to this song. it’s addicting. the norwegian twins have a pass from me

17. san marino - the funniest thing of this nf season. this not as good as arcadia but it’s still megara with their original style and a great vibe. if san marino fails to qualify with this then idk really.

18. armenia - ITS SO CUTE. it puts a smile on my face fr. ethnic banger through and through kind reminds me of trenuletul in a way (also there’s this polish party song “prawy do lewego” and idk if it’s just me but they have such similar vibes, i would absolutely go drunk dancing to “jako”)

19. denmark - idk i think i just have to have this one very basic song that i like for some reason. this year it’s sand. it’s really pleasing for some reason. nothing special as i said but i like it

20. georgia - your token ethnic girl pop. and that’s exactly it, it is a good song in this particular genre. and for this exact reason i can’t rank it higher. it’s good enough for me to put it here. still i am hoping for a q firm grorgia like let’s be real they deserve it more than anyone (with latvia ofc)

21. finland - camp. just camp. some people say that you either love or hate it but really i think it’s just fine. it doesn’t throw me off with its weirdness but it doesn’t excite me in any way. it’s just a weird little song in the middle of my ranking. but we’ll see if europe thinks it’s too much or exactly what we need. i can see it nqing

22. latvia - it was their best shot at q (although i still kinda mourn “kur?” it was such a nice song) but idk if they’ll manage to do that. it’s a strong powerful entry, but it can get a little lost in this years mix. dons is an amazing vocalis and if we had juries in the semis i know they would appreciate this song but with current system i’m not so sure

23. france - another ok song. i don’t really like the yelling ballad type but i have to admit this is well made. i’m still hoping for the revamp

24. poland - we had better options but this is also fine. an ok pop song, that’s it

25. australia - it’s extremely dated, it gives 2016. but it kinda started growing on me???? i love the usage of the aboriginal instruments and language it’s something original and i’m here for that.

26. moldova - again it’s fine it’s ok. but it doesn’t stand out much. moldova didn’t have better options (expept tudor bumbac) but it’s a let down compared to previous years

27. uk - i had such high hopes looking at the names involved in this song but ultimately it’s a let down. i’d does nothing for me. it’s well made once again but it leaves with zero emotions. comes and goes. kinda sad that they brought such a big name and yet failed to bring an engaging song

28. austria - this is so cringy. girlie is telling me that we will rave and then pulls out the most 2002 eurodance drop known to humankind?????? i mean it’s a swedish reject and it shows. in a way it is fun but more because it’s funny. idk i don’t hate it i just have a beef with it

29. azerbaijan - i’m very happy to hear the azeri language finally debut on esc. but the song is fine at best and bland at worst.

30. czechia - i know there will be a revamp but i’m judging the current version. this saddens and a lot. aiko has so much potential and this song fails to showcase it. it’s very american pop rock esque but kinda on a budget. i wanted to se aiko on esc but not like this :((

31. malta - a few revamps too many. nothing special really, average girl pop.

32. germany - this sounds like a last place i’m sorry😭😭 they’re asking for to atp. the guy is a good vocalist but this song is stuck in 2014

33. cyprus - this is just lazy. when will the cypriot hod learn that by doing the same thing over and over again they won’t replicate their 2018 succès. that was a one time thing and buying more songs form sweden and giving them to people with vague connections to the county won’t do them any good.

34. albania - they just sabotaged themselves with this revamp. it wasn’t a particularly good song before but the english language killed any originality it had left

35. luxembourg - this is just really unfortunate. coming back after 30 years with not even a swedish reject but singing dug up from a swedish dumpster? kinda sad for them but that’s what you get for rejecting your artists ogriginal songs in favour for shwdish bought ones

36. iceland - what i a travel agency advertisement is this? it’s not even about bashar loosing, this song is just bad. the only one this year i can use that word for. luxembourg and albania are whatever but this is just unlistenable for me. hera bjork is an icon already she didn’t need a comeback especially not this one.

thank you for reading for anyone who managed to get this far. i still have many things to say about some songs and nf performances that happened while i was inactive on here. and maybe rant about the STUPID system changes that they want to implement. but i still won’t be watching esc this year. and i won’t be active on here during the esc week (exams) so i just wanted to say that this could’ve been the best esc year ever, with amazing songs visuals hosts etc. but ebu decided to use all that to promote a genocide. so instead of uniting in genocide i hope that the amazing artist of 2024 will unite in humanity and raise their voice against the atrocities that ebu decided to ignore for the sake of money

[lageografiademicamino]

Who will qualify from ESC SF1 in 2023?

Eurovision is on! Rehearsals are on! We’ve seen most of them performing at the multiple preparties and the first clips (even super shots ones) are in! 

It’s time to predict who will qualify on May 9th from Semifinal 1! These are my predictions based on the reactions, comments, listens and clicks in social media, Youtube and Spotify.

Some I will get right, others I may not - that’s the risk you will take by continuing reading this. 

1. Norway - Alessandra - Queen of Kings

She’s IN. No question. HUUUUUUGE viral hit by now. There was some concern about Alessandra’s vocals (MGP used autotune) when performing live but she’s on point based on the first rehearsal clip. Visually they’re loyal to National Final one but her outfit is a bit different, she’s wearing a crown look a like hair band and there’s more light now on the stage. 

2. Malta - The Busker - Dance (our own party)

This is worst spot in semifinals to perform as second in Eurovision. Lots of good entries have failed because 15 other amazing songs will follow and people tend to forget. However, Malta’s lively and colourful performance does stand a chance. The song stands out with its saxophone sound. If this did go through would I be sad, definitely not but being where it is, second and between two dark songs (Norway, Serbia) I say this is OUT.

3. Serbia - Luke Black -  Samo mi se spava (Само ми се спава)

One of my faves this year but I know a lot of people who’re not warming up to this Hatari II. However, their staging looks improved and Luke’s performing very confident. This kind of dark pop is exciting for many! In Eurovision it doesn’t matter how many haters you have but how many lovers, based on the interest in Spotify / Youtube I’d say this might appeal enough voters to be IN.

4. Latvia - Sudden lights -  Aijā

Indieband with a strong chorus. In the national selection the staging didn’t impress me but this is one of my faves again. Lamps are there though but there’s a good energy in here which I hope will come across to the audience.  This is still boarderline, this can go to either direction. But I have faith so IN. 

5. Portugal - Mimicat -  Ai coração

Portugal has been topping their game in preparties and even though you wouldn’t like this kind cabaree music - this is very authentic, catchy, memorable. And she can sing and perform - true pro! The stage looks a bit empty without the couch but I do have faith in Portuguese staging skills because they have nailed it during the few previous years. I still say IN.

6. Ireland - Wild Youth - We are one

Why the producers put this at 6th? If this had been an opener for this semi Wild Youth could have had a chance. However, they’re going all the way with the staging, using every inch of that stage: we have golden body, pyros, stairs - we know the guy can sing but the song is a bit generetic and forgettable. This breaks my heart but OUT. 

7. Croatia - Let 3 -  Mama ŠČ!

A big fan favourite. Huge interest before going in to Eurovision, they also did well in the preparties. We saw some aspects from the pics and Tik Tok clip that we saw before (same LED screen, cannons). Not my personal favourite but a lot of people love this kind of quirky performance so IN.

8. Switzerland - Remo Forrer - Watergun

One of my personal faves this year but again - a lot of people don’t agree with me though. The anti-war song was actually written two years ago which I kind of hope would push some buttons among the voters. However, Switzerland was one of those unfortunate countries last year who went to Final with Jury votes only and received 0 points from audience. This time around Semifinals have only audience voting so I’m afraid there might be payback and especially since it’s another Swiss ballad. 

Staging like this can be strong but the clip didn’t convince me yet. Pretty dark and they have similar strings attached to the dancers as Finland had in UMK (why are you coping??). I love this but I say OUT. 

9. Israel - Noa Kirel - Unicorn

She’s IN. This is not my favourites to be honest, just because it’s so messy genre like. Israel was a bit of mystery to everyone because they didn’t participate to any preparties and they kept all their plans as a secret. But she sounds amazing and the Tik Tok clip and the photos promise us a spectacle. The seem to have a running unicorn in the LED screen, she’s in this bright box, upside down and in the end she’s making Chanel style break dance. This will please many for sure and high chances of becoming a top5 in the final. 

10. Moldova - Pasha Parfeni -  Soarele și luna

This is one of the most ethnic entries this year and Pasha Parfeni is no stranger to Eurovision as he represented Moldova also back in 2012. The song is memorable, it does stand out and the live performance even just from the pictures doesn’t disappoint. Moldova is a master of creating memorable performances even with a smaller budget and there’s no way that this didn’t go through. So IN.

11. Sweden - Loreen - Tattoo

Do I need to say this? IN. The LED sandwich so called what they used in Sweden was a lot bigger(16 m² ) but I don’t think the current size (6,25 m² ) will cause actual problems because the camera work will make it look larger. This is copy paste from Melodiefestivalen so pretty epic. A lot of people do complain however that Loreen is not bringing anything new to ESC as this does remind her victorious song Euphoria from decade ago. However, potential winning song for sure! 

12. Azerbaijan -  TuralTuranX -  Tell Me More

One of the indie entries we have this year. I quite like it but... this is not a crowd pleaser unfortunately and in Eurovision you kind of have to be. This is such a good feel song but no. Stating isn’t doing much either, they’re standing on the platform of spaped by the heart playing their quitars. Unless there is something major happening what wasn’t revealed in the Tik Tok clips. I’m sorry, OUT. 

13.  Czechia -  Vesna -  My Sister's Crown

There’s so much love for this entry but at the same time there’s talk that this might be the shock non-qualifier. They didn’t perform as well and confidently as people were expecting them to during the preparties. However, in their live rehearsals we see them wearing rose coloured outfits, they have long braids - there’s a message of we’re not your dolls combined with some doll movements so very strong female empowerment thing going on. This can get too messy but hard to say from the Tik Tok clip itself. I still belive this would be IN. 

14.  Netherlands -  Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper -  Burning Daylight

Another sleepy ballad. I don’t hate it. And to be honest this has the strongest ballad staging I’ve seen so far. Mia and Dion are standing on this moving platform and walking towards, around, from each other. This can be a moment, beautiful one. Their voices go nicely together. BUT this comes after a strong Czechia and before Finland. I don’t see this year being very kind to the ballads, people are clearly having more reactions (clicks, listens etc) towards the quirky songs of ESC 2023. I say OUT. 

15. Finland - Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha 

A big fan favourite when going in for the rehearsals. Many didn’t expect Käärijä’s team to change the stating at all actually because it was pretty damn good already at the UMK. However, they have upgraded it. They have this big wooden box on the stage, according to photos and the Tik Tok clip he’s in it at some point and also the dancers where they emerge at one point. The silhouette is awesome! Great add and super powerful! There’s pyro at the end also, colours of the rainbow - the human snake has movement. This is so good! If Finland doesn’t win the ESC alltogether I do belive this will make the televotes to explode at the semi for sure! IN! 

What do you think of the songs in Semifinal 1 and who do you think will qualify? Talk to me in the comments below! 

[forabeatofadrum]

Ljubim te (8/24)

Notes: Ho ho ho merry bathtub eve to the ones who celebrate! We’ve once again reached the end of the Advent. Well, the event. I am far from done. I have 2/3rd of the story to go and it will happen!

I am just once again so grateful for the Advent. I always look forward to it, because I am just pleased that this fandom still holds this annual event, even when the show’s been gone for over 7 years by now.

Thank you mods of @klaineadvent for hosting and thank you @todaydreambelieversfic, @klaineccfanficlibrary and @the-lima-bean for reblogging people’s works. Now, let’s read about Kurt having A Moment.

AO3 | S&C  

– 

Classes start and life in Ljubljana passes quickly. Kurt falls into a routine in his new life here. During the week he studies hard and eats a lot of Boni with his roommates or new people he’s met at university. In the weekends he takes time to explore the city and the entire country, if possible. Or even other countries.

Sunil and Kurt join a trip to Zagreb, in Croatia, for international students. Blaine is envious when Kurt sends him many photo’s. Blaine also starts his work. Kurt doesn’t really understand what Blaine is doing, but Blaine doesn’t mind.

Blaine’s also met a new person at the company named Tadeja, who acts as a Slovenian guide. Kurt, Blaine, Sunil and Tadeja often have dinner in the city centre, and Kurt’s happy with the fact that things are slowly falling into place.

March rolls around and the weather is getting a little bit nicer.

He also finally takes Blaine to the burger place, which has a lot of tables outside in an alley. When Kurt first visited Burger Time, he had to sit inside, which was also fun, but sitting on these wooden benches under arched roof adds something to the experience.

“I am once again so jealous about your Boni,” Blaine says when the food’s been served.

“My life will never be the same once I return to New York,” Kurt laments, “My friends back home are also jealous.”

“So is Quinn,” Blaine says and Kurt nods. Apparently Blaine talks a lot about Kurt to Quinn. Kurt finds it flattering that Blaine speaks a lot about Kurt to his girlfriend. According to Blaine, Quinn can’t wait to meet Kurt in April.

“How’s the job?” Kurt asks before taking a huge bite from this burger. It’s almost the perfect burger. The perfect burger can be found at this grill, but that grill doesn’t offer Boni.

Blaine shrugs.

“It’s a job.”

That doesn’t sound too optimistic. Kurt motions to Blaine to continue.

“It’s more like a vanity project,” Blaine explains. Kurt raises an eyebrow, so he continues. “Like I said, I am there to oversee stuff, shake people’s hands and sign forms. But it’s become clear that my dad is still the one in charge. I’m just there to look good.”

“… And is that a bad thing?” Blaine does look good, after all.

“I just hoped for more trust from the higher-ups, aka my father, but I suppose that I am still too new for this,” Blaine answers, “In his eyes. I graduated with honours, but alas, so I am a bit disappointed.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“Ah well,” Blaine says and he gives Kurt a small smile, “It’s not what I hoped for, but I am still glad to be here. In Slovenia. With you. A-And Tadeja and Sunil, of course.”

“Of course.”

--

Kurt is absolutely drenched. It’s the worst storm he’s endured in a long time, and he had to go to class. Kurt was smart enough to take the bus, instead of a bike, but even walking to and from the bus got him soaked. His umbrella didn’t last and the thunder is horrendous.

This means that Kurt is extra pissed when he arrives at his building only to hear that classes have been cancelled because of the weather.

“Are you kidding me?” he yells at his building. Luckily, the building has an arch so he can shelter from the rain, but he is pissed and annoyed and he does not feel like making the small trek back home, because then he’ll have to wait at the bus station in this rain.

Suddenly, he has an idea.

KH: Are you home?

BA: Yes

Jackpot! Kurt quickly explains the situation over text and he ends by asking if he can come over to wait for the rain to pass.

BA: 👍

It’s still a ten minute walk and Kurt doesn’t want to run because of tripping hazard, but when he reaches the place, Blaine’s already waiting for him.

“Jesus, Kurt, get in here!” he yells and he ushers Kurt inside.

The moment Kurt’s inside, Blaine helps Kurt out of the soaked clothing.

“Let me- let me see if I have something you can borrow,” he says quickly once Kurt’s down to his underwear. Blaine practically runs to the bedroom. Kurt also realises how weird the situation is, but he was too caught up in getting rid of the wet clothes.

Blaine returns with a hoodie and sweatpants.

“Sorry, not your usual style, but I don’t know what else to give!”

Blaine also has a towel for Kurt.

They exchange clothes so that Kurt can get changed and so that Blaine can hang the others to dry. Kurt looks around. It’s the first time he’s actually inside Blaine’s apartment and it looks nice, but also a bit bare. Kurt’s small room is filled with photo’s of friends and family, but Kurt can’t see any of it here.

“Coffee?” Blaine asks.

“Please! And again, sorry to impose!”

“It’s all right,” Blaine says

“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything!”

Blaine shakes his head.

“It’s fine.”

--

A few hours later, Blaine’s fallen asleep against Kurt’s shoulder. They were watching a movie and the sound of the rain made Blaine doze off. Kurt places some of the blanket over him, until he realises that it might be a bit weird. They’re not going to cuddle on Blaine’s couch under a shared blanket, right?

Well, maybe it doesn’t matter. Blaine’s clearly comfortable around Kurt, which isn’t always a given with straight guys.

Kurt watches Blaine sleep and a fond smile forms on his face.

Blaine looks so cute when he’s asleep. He’s so nice that he led Kurt come over. Kurt’s only known Blaine for a short time, but he’s already become such a great friend. And it’s different than with Sunil. Sunil is also a friend and Kurt likes having him around, but hanging out with Blaine is different in a way.

He can’t really understand why.

Or maybe he can.

When Kurt starts to doze off as well, he realises that maybe he has a small crush on Blaine after all.

–   

End notes: Burger Time, my beloved. I had Boni there once and then a few weeks later I took my family to that place, and the waiter remembered me! Although - and I am sorry to say this Kurt - Burger Time didn’t have the best burger. That title belongs to Grill No. 5, but that one closed down after the first COVID wave, and it got replaced by a paella place.

And yes, thunder! I also had to endure a huge storm where there were crazy winds and heavy rain showers. I was inside, though, since ya know, lockdown, but I decided to make good use of that (admittedly terrifying) storm for plot!

[getting-messi]

thoughts - feel free to ignore

wrote a post before the qualifer match against Ecuador in 2017, wrote one Monday night before Croatia, feel like I should write a final post now. 

Cannot believe Argentina are playing in the world cup final. It seems like a dream - we really made it. 

Knowing that this is Messi’s last world cup match is hard but also understandable. He’s been in countless finals for Argentina, lost many, won 1, and now in another world cup final. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to play for a country that has an icon like Maradona. To always be compared to him, to be told that you are a failure if you do not reach the same heights that he did. I cannot imagine having to continue representing your country despite losing so many times. 

When Messi retired after Copa America 2016 - i completely understood. Seeing him in tears on the pitch, shaking his head, I could only begin to fathom the pain that he was feeling. I remember reading articles that during the Copa America finals, his family was harassed in the crowd and had to be moved. The fact that he said Thiago asks why Argentines hate him so much, it’s crazy. The guy has suffered a lot not reaching the ultimate achievement with Argentina. 

I remember the 2014 final like it was yesterday. I remember all the missed opportunities, the numbness seeing the Germans celebrate as the Argentines had to wait for their second place medal. Seeing Messi emotionless collect his Player of the tournament award. I remember all the details. 

Thinking about where the team is now, how hard the players have fought, and how proud Argentines have been of Messi and the team? What a beautiful moment we get to witness. 

Messi playing for Barcelona was a gift. Messi playing for Argentina was an honour. It’s been painful, beautiful, and a masterpiece to see him lead his country time and time again despite all the losses he has faced.

If this is the last time we see Lionel Messi at a world cup, I hope the story ends differently. I hope it ends with a smile on his face and the trophy in his hands. 

But no matter what, it’s been a wonderful privilege seeing him play internationally. Gracias Leo, gracias por todo. 💙✨🇦🇷

[stupidusernamepolicy]

tv tag game

— list 8 shows for your followers to get to know you better. tagged by beloved mootie @michaelmandog

1.Good Omens

This is such a feel-good show for me and cleaning out my drafts made me remember how much I love it. Also a reminder that I need to finish Staged. The friendship between the authors and the ways it impacted the book and show is so important to me...

2. Breaking Bad / Better Call Saul

"oh watch it it's the best show ever" "yeah yeah sure" and then... Meth show for middle aged dads sent me on a *checks calendar* FIVE MONTH FIXATION? I need to be euthanized. Also Michael Mando. That's all.

3.Final Space

SHINED SO BRIGHT AND GONE TOO SOON. This was THE underdog adult animation and though I've separated myself from it a lot it's still one of the best out there. Space fantasy dramedy about a convict out in space that is a testament to all that adult animation can be, but often isn't. If you can stand a bit of exec-meddling awkward humor, this one is the hardest WATCH NOW on this list. Also, catboy above voiced by Steven Yeun and he goes so hard.

4.Invincible

Continuing on the thread of amazing adult animation with a much more popular entry, this is an adaptation that is so far so much better than the source material. I stayed up til 5 am binging this. It has 4 things I love: great animation, (comic) trope subversion, GORE, and Steven Yeun (again!)

5.Futurama

This show is older than me, and I never watched it growing up, yet it still feels like home whenever I watch it. If I need to cheer up and have my TV on, this is the clear choice. It's so nostalgic and has so much heart while also being really, really fucking funny.

7.Gravity Falls

Similar to Futurama: another comfort show!! It brings back so many memories, even though I watched it after its original run. One of the rare things I own official merch of (I loved it enough to pay for shipping from the US)

7.Mob Psycho 100

Obligatory singular Anime entry. This is the one anime I'd recommend to non anime watchers, as it subverts a lot of typically annoying anime tropes and is a rare entry where the adaptation is as good if not better than the source material, and yet it's AMAZING because it OOZES with love of the source material! I'm definitely biased because it's the kind of story my middle school self needed, and that my current young-adult self... also needed. It's about growing up, about how people need other people, and it rewired my brain.

8.Rise Of The TMNT

JUST LIKE FINAL SPACE, SHINED TOO BRIGHT AND GONE ENTIRELY TOO SOON!! I was a HUGE fan of 2003 series when I was a kid and this one completely reignited my love for TMNT. The animation is poppy and dynamic and tastefully stylized, the story goes from monster of the week to the absolute insanity that is the netflix movie, and it has the kind of personality that a reboot of such an old series needs and benefits from (partially also ended up being its undoing because people hate fun). Like Final Space, if you're not averse to a little cringe humor aimed at a younger generation, I have 2 words for you: MUST! WATCH!!

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE ITS HARD TO PICK

Arcane! because all that can be said about it has already been said about it. But it is fantastic and if you have not watched it yet because "its league of legends ew" and "its a cartoon" quit being a boob and go watch it.

Mrkomir Prvi! Because it's a really funny sitcom set in medieval Croatia, and it's only here because it's incredibly obscure on a global level, but it's really the kind of original TV I love to see and rarely do. They did a pandemic episode in which they called the diseased "influenzers", enough said.

Tagging! @its-me-ej, @djcranberry, @hellomingo, @lemonykleonella, @mediasploshion and @bamsara(long time no talk!! i hope this isnt a jumpscare)

No pressure, and happy reminiscing >:)

[musicjam10]

Sladoled, Kasandra, 14. November 1995.

Hello, long time no seek.

After a long hiatus, I've decided to come back with something interesting—something that even I wasn't expecting to cover.

A 90s techno-pop album called Sladoled (eng. Ice Cream) by one of the most famous Cro-dance singers, Kasandra (Davorka Ručević).

Before I start this review, I wanted to give my personal opinion on Kasandra in general. I find her very interesting, and as you can see (if you look her up), she sticks out from the sea of mostly similar-looking acts from the time. Her shifting style, going from gothic to full-on Barbie doll, means that no matter how she looks, she displays a whole new persona with it. The cherry on top is her voice, which is deep, raspy, and boyish, a drastic contrast from her outer look. Unique for the time and definitely something not heard in the commercial dance scene at the time.

Now for the album, it consists of 8 songs, with more than half of them becoming instant club hits. The most famous one out of them is, by no means, I've got a feeling. It is a full Kasandra package with an accompanying neo-gothic music video (that was regarded as the most costly music video at the time in Croatia). The song is pure fun, with semi-chessy lyrics (which in this case are pretty enjoyable).Other significant songs I would mention are Kazna (eng. Punishment), Nisi ti jedini na svijetu (eng. You're not the only one in the world) (where she shows off her deep range), and the title song Sladoled (eng. Ice Cream) (a cover song that introduced her to many, as well as myself).

The rest of the album is pretty similar. Like I said before, it's pretty cheesy; the words are pretty simple and don't really flow right with the music. She definitely gave it all she had for this album, but it's pretty clear that techno and pop don't suit her the best. A rock or jazz album would have worked much better. Her first album, Sunce Izlazi (1992.), is much more experimental but unfortunately less acclaimed.

Unfortunately, this was her last album. She disappeared from the scene completely because of an illness. Even though many of her fans hoped she would make a return, all hope was lost when, in 2021, it was announced that she had passed away. Even though she's gone today, she left us with two great albums and numerous covers. Her legacy still lives on and will continue to be an amazing inspiration for anyone. She was definitely something different and unusual—kind of unexpected and even ahead of her time.

To end on a personal note, there is so much I can say about her, and that could go on and on. But I think that as an introduction, it is enough. To end this post I will leave you with this short film that I think shows really what Kasandra is as an artist - To sam ja Kasandra.

I would give it a: A fun euro-dance album. Even though I don't think it's worth listening to as an album, some songs definitely are, so I suggest looking them up.

If you found my review worth discussing in any way, I'm happy to do so.

Yours trully,

MJ.10.

[deep-hearts-core]

the road so far (2): my top 14*

*yes, I know Sanremo has happened, but I'm holding off on ranking Due Vite until it's confirmed that that's the song Marco will compete with. It's a nice song though I don't hate it

14th: Croatia (Mama SC) Listen, there are parts of it that are alright and that I can get into, but I need, NEED songs to have, like, legible structure. It's why I can't get into NMixx. Find one sound and stick to it for three minutes.

13th: Denmark (Breaking my Heart) It has a real the 1975 vibe to it. This is not objectively bad, I like the 1975. But Reiley's live vocals were pretty objectionable and the staging sucked.

12th: Albania (Duje) Her voice hasn't grown on me at all. Sorry.

11th: Belgium (Because of You) This song continues to be as far up as it is because of how good Gustaph is as a singer.

10th: Norway (Queen of Kings) Doesn't click with me. I'm not one of those "girlboss queen mother!!1!" Eurovision fans. I'm happy for other people to enjoy it (mostly) (still bitter about Ulrikke a little) but I do not like it.

9th: Ukraine (Heart of Steel) This is not music I normally listen to, but I repeat my sentiment about the staging. I do feel like it's pretty forgettable considering the lineup we have now though, from a musical standpoint. If this does well, it'll do well on staging.

8th: Estonia (Bridges) It's grown on me since I first listened to it. Alika did pretty well live and the staging was also well done. But it's also kind of boring, and Alika, while a good live vocalist, seemed nervous. I have high hopes for this one to improve and to continue to grow on me, but for now it's eighth.

7th: Latvia (Aija) Another grower. I don't really "get it" still, but the staging was cool and the more I listen to it the less I mind it.

6th: Malta (Dance/Our Own Party) It's fun! It's just fun. I love a good fun Eurovision song. I heard all sorts of terrible things about the quality of MESC but then I heard this song and I was like ok, this is not as bad as I was thinking.

5th: Ireland (We Are One) Still bitter about Connolly but it's alright. It's a very safe entry and I can be a bit of a peace song hater sometimes, but idk, I like listening to it.

4th: Czechia (My Sister's Crown) Incredible song. My big worry here is, how the hell are they going to stage this? I can't picture good staging for this one I'm sorry

3rd: Romania (Off and On) I first heard this song ahead of interviewing Theodor for TES and I honestly had low expectations for it but that live was incredible. Theodor is self-assured on stage and the weird sexy staging works (even if it is a little weird to watch a guy my little brother's age (18) sing onstage with women in garters lmao).

2nd: Slovenia (Carpe Diem) It's good fun, it's got a standout bassline, they performed this well live, it's even in Slovenian. What's not to like.

1st: Spain (Eaea) Never thought I'd be a Spain liker, but this song is SO cool. I'm in love with the harmonies that come in later in the song and Blanca Paloma did so excellently at Benidorm.

[football-and-fanfics]

Hello, I hope you're doing well today.

My ER shift was a bit rough as I said yesterday. I was so exhausted by the end of it 😩.

I am curious to know, how did you get into writing for football, I mean when did it start? And now Netherlands are out, are you going to continue watching the world cup? If so, which team you will support and why?

— your secret santa ❄ 💙 🤍

(did you get last two days asks?)

Oh, wow, you work in the ER! What do you do there? I'm such a wuss when it comes to hospitals, I could never work there 🤪

I got into football writing during the first covid lockdown. I already wrote fanfiction for other fandoms, but somehow rolled into writing for football players then.

I was supporting England when the Dutch NT got eliminated, but then they were out too, so I was rooting for Croatia. But then they went out as well 😜 I'm not really a big fan of either France or Argentina, so I don't really have a preference who will win. But I will surely be watching the remaining matches!

And you? Who would you like to see win?