#for me it’s 0% which i’ve heard is uncommon? but i’m not sure

[wizard0rb]

NOT what might reasonably happen in the dark, such as getting mugged or whatever, but like. the dark itself. the dark of your house

it still counts as a fear of the dark if it makes you afraid of something that doesn’t exist (ghost/demons/whatever), or if you are just generally more fearful when it’s dark

[caravanlurker]

Three Riot Forge games in 2023 lets gooooooooooo

[mouthblabbing under the cut]

The Sylas game is gonna drop earliest this spring!

But sad Chronobreak isn’t gonna come out first since it was announced 3 years ago but that’s prolly a sign that it’s gotta lot of time, love, and work into it?

interesting to me is that the game is titled “the Mageseeker” when Sylas is the main star here, you’d assume they would name it more related after himself. Though I guess it’s not uncommon for games to be named after their bosses/enemies either.

I guess it’d also serve as a cool multi-meaning though since, in-game, Sylas will be also building his revolution and finding fellow mages to rally to him. In a way, he is a ‘mageseeker.” A bit of irony (?) in that sense that that kind of title, of his greatest kind of enemy, would technically apply to him. But it could also be a (hint? joke? can’t find the word) to Sylas’ more villainous traits that’ll probably get spotlighted here, maybe drawing a comparison between him and the mageseekers and the way they can command fear in the Demacian people. Maybe a character will spit that title to Sylas, probably gonna be real insulting to him, to show their contempt of him. From an enemy or a fellow rebel, we’ll have to wait.

Everyone’s kinda hoping that the game will handle the Demacian Mage Riot storyline better this time, and probably yes, but I feel the story is inevitably gonna make a lot a people mad. You got the folks that love Demacian characters and will be upset if the game goes too far in “Demacia bad” or casting champs as complicit, but you also reeaally don’t want the game to side with the “actually, the mages should’ve just asked really nicely. that way the demacians will see how wrong they were and be super cool abt it“ because like???? ???

On to more (bngygbbrfv?) topics. What I didn’t expect was that it’d use pixel art! It didn’t look like that from the trailer since it was far away and viewed on a glass shard in the Forge video, but the description is clear. I’ve got the Hades bias since I think that that games style could serve really nicely, but I’ve also heard that the video snippet makes it look a bit like Wizard of Legend which is also very swag.

Oh god I just realized this but like what if like Poppy’s gonna be a boss? I’m not really sure how uhh aware she even is of the whole political situation in Demacia, if like, at all? But if she is a boss she’ll probably see Sylas breakin stuff and burning down some fancy houses and be like :0 hey dude that’s not very nice or smthng and then they fight idk. Since she’s supposed to like come over when Demacia’s in danger and Sylas at the height of his power would count as dangerous.

On that note, I also hope that the game will also elaborate on how yordles view living in Demacia. Poppy’s a little disconnected from the actual kingdom since she’s focused searching for the hero and stuff, but what about the other lil guys that show up in the LoR cards? They are magical spirits. Like are we gonna do the thing where yordles are considered an exception as long as they’re not using any magic powers, or like they’re kinda self hating magic and stuff, or maybe we’ll go the route where they’re not really considered inherently magical but just like a buncha small animal people that culturally lean towards magic since that’s where their city’s in. Iirc they made is so that Heimer in arcane was that last one, but I’m not actually sure where I heard it from, whoops. God. I don’t like the idea of glamour but wouldn’t it be funny if one of the characters is like really important to contributing the themes of the story gets revealed they’re a yordle, “huh” moment, and everyone goes on with it cuz like?? what am I even saying th? there are implications of yordles in Demacia ig but also I can’t really think of them cuz it’s like 2 am here blarghghghegegeghh

[madrut16]

Meeting the Parents (Adrian x MC)

Author’s Note: I’m already back! This fic took me maybe 24 hours if that to write and a few hours more to edit which is the fastest I’ve ever done one of these. I just had to write this because it will provide some background for the first fic for the July Challenge I’m doing. I hope you like it, it’s just a cute little scenario I’ve been thinking about for months now for these two. 

Also, I’m going to be tagging all of my fanfic with adrianadmirerfics from now on so that you have an easy way to find all of my content! I’ll try to tag some of the old stuff too. :)

(p.s:  Also, I don’t know if I’ve said this publicly but Delilah--my TRR mc--is Isabel’s cousin and adopted sister.)

Pairing: Adrian x MC

Rating: PG

Summary: While visiting her in New York, Isabel’s parents finally meet Adrian for the first time. However, after learning the one thing she’s been keeping secret about him, will that jeopardize their opinions of him?

Word Count: 1523

@endlesshero1122 @kinda-iconic @krishu213 @ladykateofhousebeaumont @shelley-parah @tabithacarlisle @galaxyside-0 @desiree-0816 @brightpinkpeppercorn 

"Do you think your parents will like me?" Adrian wonders, playing with the cufflinks on his grey suit.

Isabel bites her lip as they walk towards their destination for the evening, the cool air blowing gently against her bare shoulders. "Mmhmm."

She certainly hopes so. They're visiting her in New York for the week and insisted on meeting him during the trip. In fact, she was pretty confident that it would go well...that is until their conversation yesterday. One secret uncovered later, everything has changed.

Now suddenly, this dinner is more important than ever. 

"I mean, of course, they will,” she adds quickly. “While they are overprotective, any hostility is usually just a front they put up. They’re actually really amicable. In fact, there’s only one person I’ve introduced who they haven’t liked," she explains. Her stomach twists itself into a knotted mess as she pauses in front of the restaurant. "Although...there is something that might complicate things."

His eyebrows lift up. "What is it?"

She lets out a sigh, playing with nonexistent dust on his suit. "They know about you."

It doesn't take long for him to realize what she means. 

He looks at her in shock. "You didn't tell them did you?"

Isabel shakes her head vigorously. "No! I haven’t told anyone besides Alyssa. Delilah did, even though I explicitly told her not to when she first said she was briefed on it. And then I had to tell them some information just to keep them from freaking out on me.”

She watches as his anxiety skyrockets. "I doubt you would allow me to have them debriefed."

"I know that you consider Jameson a friend Adrian, but I still don’t trust him. So no, I’m not letting them anywhere near him,” she confirms, pursing her lips at the thought of the scholar. “I don’t think it’s necessary anyway. They don't know that much. I didn't even tell them about The Council! I just said enough to reassure them that you don’t want to hurt anyone.”

A brief silence between them lingers as he becomes deep in thought. Finally, his expression clears, his mind made up.

"Okay, I won’t make them then, Isabel. I trust you.” He began to relax, but he’s still more nervous than before she said anything. “How do they feel about it?"

Isabel shrugs. "Well, they're still a little apprehensive but, they are willing to keep an open mind," she says. "I doubt it’ll be a problem. My mama is already fine with it since she’s been hearing vampire stories since childhood from my grandma, who’s kind of obsessed with everything supernatural. My dad will be the harder sell. But I wouldn’t worry too much.”

“Why is that?”

She gives him a reassuring smile. “Because I know him...and you. All you have to do is answer their questions and while it’s probably best if you don’t bring up your past in detail, I wouldn’t pretend like you don’t have one either. Just be yourself, like you were with me.”

“From what I recall, that did seem to work back then,” he chuckles as they enter the Italian place she selected. 

After being shown to their table, the two only have to wait for a few minutes until their company arrives. 

“There she is!” a soft voice with a distinctive southern twang exclaimed. 

Isabel looks up to see her parents walking towards them and immediately sets down the menu she’s holding. 

“Hi,” she says getting up hug both of them. 

“Hi Mija,” her father replies, a hint of unease on his aging features.

Meanwhile, Adrian stands a little ways back, watching the interaction take place. 

Seeing him, Isabel gestures for him to come forward. “Mama, Papa, this is Adrian.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” he tells them, shaking their hands. 

“Likewise. I’ve heard so much about you, on the internet, newspapers, Isabel,” her mother gushes as they all sit down at the table. “But, that clearly doesn’t give you justice.”

Isabel feels her cheeks becoming red as her father continues to scrutinize him. 

“Don’t worry, he always does that,” she whispers reassuringly. 

They continue to make small talk as they decide what to order. Everything seems to be going smoothly. But she still waits in anticipation for the inevitable questioning that is coming. 

“What will you be having?” their waiter asks after a little while. 

“I’ll have the cannelloni please,” her mother says before she smiles cheekily. “And be sure to leave off the garlic if you will.” Her eyes flick over to Adrian and she gives him a wink making him squirm. 

“Mama!” Isabel whispers in protest. 

“What? I’m simply being considerate.”

Rolling her eyes, she proceeds to give her order. “The Gnocci for me please.”

Soon the waiter leaves with their requests. 

Her father clears his throat. “So. I have a few questions to ask about...this vampire thing. I understand that some things must remain a secret but...I just want to make sure that my daughter is in good hands.”

“Of course,” Adrian says, his smile faltering for a second. Beneath the table, Isabel gives his hand a squeeze. “As do I. What do you want to know?”

The older man becomes thoughtful. Finally, after a minute he starts with, “How much of this is a part of her job? Is it dangerous?”

Isabel answers this one. “It’s...a significant part. And yes, I’ve been in some...precarious situations. But, I know what I signed up for Papa. This is what I want. I’m really getting to help people--mortal and vampire alike. And Adrian is here to protect me.”

“She has proved to be very capable of defending herself also,” he interjects. “She’s even saved my life.”

Her father’s eyes widen before a tentative grin appears. “I see those self-defense lessons have come in handy.”

“Yes, yes they have Papa,” she replies in amusement. 

“Well, as long as you’re keeping her safe,” her mother says. “I don’t see a reason to object.”

“Neither do I. But, I do have one more thing I’m curious about.”

Adrian nods. “Go ahead.”

Her father pauses before inquiring, “How long have you been so...friendly to humans? I’m assuming that you’ve done some things in the past that were less than...honorable.”

The CEO’s expression darkens into one Isabel is all too familiar with. “You’re right. We’ve instituted a restraint here in New York that is rather uncommon, it’s also relatively new. However, we now have rules against that which I stick to firmly. It’s been a while since I’ve killed anyone...almost a century now.”

“Why did it change? For you?”

“Well...I’ve always been sympathetic to you, even back then,” he replies, swallowing. “Deep down I knew it was wrong but, I didn’t think that there was another option, it’s what I was taught for years. Eventually, I decided I had enough. That I could use what I’ve been given to help people instead of hurt them. So, I helped create that other choice.”

Just like Isabel advised, the truth seems to remove the lasting doubt her father had. “I can respect that. As long as you’re sure about him Isabel. I don’t want you to go through what you did last time.”

At the mention of her previous relationship, she frowns briefly. “Yes, I’m sure. More than anything I’ve ever done. Now, can you please not mention Derek? You know I don’t like talking about him.”

Adrian’s eyes widen slightly at her sudden change in demeanor as her father nods silently, a secret communication between them. “Of course. Well, that’s all I need. You seem trustworthy.”

She’s kept him in the dark about her ex minus brief, minor details since the beginning. She fears that the lasting effects of the unhealthy relationship will affect what she has now. He’s the first person who she’s tried to date who she hasn’t felt guarded around and she wants to keep it that way.

Just as quickly as the tension appeared, her smile comes and it fades. The food comes after that, providing her much needed relief. “Thank you,” she says before swiftly changing the subject. “Why don’t you tell Adrian some stories about Ginny?”

Her mother’s eyes light up at the mention of hers. “Oh, that’s a great idea! My mama, Adrian, you’ll absolutely love her! She’s such an intellectual like you, especially when it comes to the dark and mysterious subjects.”

“I get a lot from her actually,” Isabel adds cheerfully. “The love of history, my perceptiveness. I could go on.”

“And your need for adventure Iz! Don’t forget about that.”

Adrian’s eyes sparkle at this. “Oh really? I definitely need to hear this then.”

They spend the rest of the time filling him in with numerous stories, any lingering discomfort between them quickly disappearing. And Isabel can’t help but smile, her mind already filling with quixotic wishful thinking. The seemingly impossible pipe dream of peace, even friendship between the two worlds she now belonged to. 

But, maybe, just maybe one day she’d be able to see it become a reality.

[tsukiprotranslations]

[Translation] VAZZROCK BI-COLOR SERIES VOL. 9 - emerald Drama Track 1

Here’s the translation to Reiji’s first drama track~! I hope you enjoy his usual banter with Ayumu lolol

Thank you again to @ryuukia for sharing with me ^^

※ Please don’t re-post the English translations without permission.

Under the cut, enjoy~!

Track 1: [ちょっとは距離を縮めよう] “Let’s shorten our distance just a little”

 [0:00]

  REIJI: (sighs) Tomorrow’s an event with Ayumu, huh.

REIJI: It’s at the outdoor stage where we had rehearsals then, right?

REIJI: It’s been a while since I last had an outdoor event.

AYUMU: It’s the first time for me.

REIJI: A sitting event?

AYUMU: No, a standing one.

REIJI: Don’t tell me… The kind of event where there’s free admission?

AYUMU: The tickets were sold beforehand. I heard that it’s so the stadium wouldn’t be so packed even if it’s a standing event.

REIJI: Oh, is that so? The stage itself was kinda huge too, huh? I thought so during rehearsals.

AYUMU: It just seemed like that because there were no people.

REIJI: We won’t be changing costumes until the last part, right?

AYUMU: Yeah. It was decided so that we could maximize the time we’re standing on stage during the duration of the event.

AYUMU: Didn’t the manager tell you this yesterday?

REIJI: I was just confirming it. Oh, are there other things you’re curious about?

AYUMU: Let me see… What should we do if there’s an encore?

REIJI: Ah, we haven’t decided that yet? Well, I kinda wanna do all that I can but outdoors is…

REIJI: We have to mind the weather and when it becomes dark.

AYUMU: That would probably be the problem. huh.

REIJI: What’s tomorrow’s forecast?

AYUMU: Cloudy with a chance of rain.

REIJI: Ah… It’s ‘cause you were too excited.

AYUMU: Don’t make it my fault!

REIJI: I mean, all of your solo events have had accidents, right?

AYUMU: …! Wh-what about you then?

REIJI: Me? In my case, it was… mostly cloudy?

AYUMU: Alright. If tomorrow’s cloudy then it’s your responsibility.

REIJI: (scoffs) Isn’t that better than the rain though?

AYUMU: But isn’t cloudy weather cold?

REIJI: No, man, rain is even colder!

AYUMU: In the meantime, if the weather’s bad, the equipment will get wet and an encore would be impossible.

REIJI: We’ll get wet too, you know?

AYUMU: You love being drenched, right?

REIJI: Eh? What’s with that idea?

AYUMU: I watched your drama the other day and you fell into the pool.

REIJI: Eh? You watched that? Anyway, it’s not like I fell because I wanted to.

REIJI: It’s only ‘cause of the role and the story, okay?

REIJI: It’s not like I particularly like getting drenched, got it?

REIJI: Since we’re on the topic, aren’t you the one who’s always drenched? You dumb rain man. (1)

AYUMU: How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a rain man?

REIJI: Just admit it already! Oh~! How about making it your charm point then?

AYUMU: What part of that will make it my charm point?

REIJI: Not getting phased by the rain could be your charm point, y’know?

AYUMU: … I guess it could be welcomed.

REIJI: (scoffs) Don’t start daydreaming now!

AYUMU: In any case, the event is tomorrow. It’s necessary that we clarify everything before the appointed day.

(Ayumu sneezes)

REIJI: Oh…

AYUMU: What?

REIJI: Ah, no… It’s nothing.

[03:10]

  (Ayumu stands up from his chair)

AYUMU: (in a matter-of-fact tone) What time do we have to get to the arena?

REIJI: 12.

AYUMU: What time do we leave here tomorrow?

REIJI: 11.

AYUMU: What time will you wake up?

REIJI: You’re even gonna ask that? I’ll wake up so we’ll make it.

AYUMU: Your “making it on time” is more like “barely making it”.

AYUMU: You’re doing an event with me tomorrow so be there with 10 minutes to spare.

REIJI: (laughs) Yes, ma’am.

AYUMU: Who are you calling “ma’am”?

(Ayumu sneezes again)

REIJI: Hm… Ayumu… Do you have any allergies?

AYUMU: No. Why are you asking me that?

REIJI: “Why,” you ask… Well—never mind…

REIJI: Is there anything else you wanna confirm?

AYUMU: I wanted to confirm the general event but…

AYUMU: Then, could we run over it again—

REIJI: (suddenly interrupts Ayumu) Alright! It’s getting late~

REIJI: Meeting’s over~!

AYUMU: Hey, don’t just end it on your own!

REIJI: Is there still something you need, Mr. Worrywart, Ayuku-kun?

AYUMU: I don’t need anything. You should at least be a little worried.

REIJI: Sure, sure~ Sorry for not being all worried.

REIJI: Anyway, let’s go eat.

AYUMU: I got it.

[04:37]

  AYUMU: But… Is it necessary that we eat together?

REIJI: You see? We’ll be doing an event together tomorrow. Don’t you think we should at least close our distance a little?

REIJI: Eating together is exactly for that purpose.

AYUMU: (scoffs) You’re too naïve. Do you really think that people will get close after eating together once?

REIJI: That… Is that something to be so triumphant about?

AYUMU: Never mind that. There’s nothing wrong with eating together.

AYUMU: Let’s go.

REIJI: Alright~! Well, since we’ll be doing an outdoors event tomorrow, let’s just cook something today.

AYUMU: Eh?

REIJI: My room or your room, which do you prefer?

AYUMU: …! Are those our only choices…?

REIJI: Where else would we go?

AYUMU: If possible, my room isn’t…

REIJI: Ah… My room’s full of stuff right now~ It’d be a big help if we could use Ayumu’s room but~ How about it~?

AYUMU: No, uh…! My room is in a horrible state, too so…

REIJI: I don’t really mind it though~

AYUMU: I do! If you don’t mind a disastrous room anyway then why not use yours?

REIJI: I didn’t say that it was disastrous. But, y’know? I’ve never been to your room before.

REIJI: I feel like I should visit at least once for our friendship’s sake.

REIJI: Or maybe…

REIJI: You’re hiding something~?

AYUMU: It’s a normal room.

REIJI: Then~

AYUMU: Let’s go to your room!

REIJI: O-oh…! Y-you’re direct for once…

REIJI: Do you want to come to my room that much~?

AYUMU: No, not at all.

REIJI: You’re really not honest. Then, I’ll go to your room next time. Today, mine will do.

AYUMU: … Is that so? Thank you.

REIJI: In exchange, bring some plates with you, got it?

AYUMU: Plates?

REIJI: The other day, I was thinking of remodelling so my stuff aren’t really organized.

REIJI: That’s why my room’s kinda empty right now.

AYUMU: I thought you said it was full of stuff?

REIJI: Ah… That’s well… Going with the flow?

AYUMU: You… You were teasing me, weren’t you?

REIJI: A little bit? I kinda wanted to poke fun at you~

REIJI: I think that’s a talent on its own, don’t you~?

AYUMU: (sighs) I take back my thank you from a while ago.

[07:24]

  (door opens)

REIJI: Now then… What should we eat?

REIJI: That Ayumu’s pretty picky…

REIJI: Oh! Tomato? If I bring this out he’ll leave for sure.

  (doorbell rings)

REIJI: Ah, yeah!

REIJI: He got here faster than I thought.

  (Reiji opens the door)

REIJI: Hey, sorry for the wait.

AYUMU: Is this okay? (Ayumu hands him the plates)

REIJI: W-wait…! Y-you… How many did you bring?

AYUMU: It’s a set of six. Don’t break them.

REIJI: No matter how you think about it, six plates is unnecessary…

AYUMU: Don’t hesitate to use them. I’m coming in.

(Ayumu closes the door behind him and walks inside)

  AYUMU: There’s really nothing here… There’s no sofa so where should I sit?

REIJI: There’s a chair by the kitchen counter, right? Wait there.

AYUMU: … Th-this chair that looks like a bar stool…?

(Ayumu sits down)

AYUMU: … I’m not used to it…

REIJI: Bear with it.

REIJI: How hungry are you, Ayumu?

AYUMU: The normal amount.

REIJI: Then, salad, roast beef, and pasta should do, huh?

REIJI: You’re okay with Caesar salad, right?

AYUMU: Y-yeah… You can cook?

REIJI: Simple stuff, yeah. I can make roast beef and use the rice cooker.

AYUMU: Wh-what in the world are you planning to make me eat?

REIJI: Ah, did you just imagine something amazing?

REIJI: It’s okay, I’m sure it’d be more delicious than store-bought food.

[09:33]

  AYUMU: Thank you for the meal.

REIJI: Thank you for enjoying it.

REIJI: Ah, I can return the plates next time, right?

AYUMU: Yeah. If you want, you can have them in exchange for Japanese sweets.

REIJI: You’re bargaining?

(Ayumu coughs)

AYUMU: Want me to help with cleaning?

REIJI: Nah, it’s not much.

AYUMU: Really?

(Ayumu coughs again)

AYUMU: Then, I’ll be heading for home now.

REIJI: This is my first time meeting a guy who says that. (2)

REIJI: Ah, wait!

AYUMU: What?

(Reiji opens a cupboard door)

REIJI: Here, take this with you.

AYUMU: Honey?

REIJI: I’ll give it to you to make up for teasing you~

AYUMU: You… Wh-what are you thinking?

AYUMU: Ah…! You’re bribing me?!

REIJI: What for?!

REIJI: Are you sure you don’t want it? It’s from that shop that sells Japanese sweets so~

AYUMU: …! If that’s the case then I’ll accept it. I’m thankful.

REIJI: As usual, your countenance changes so fast when Japanese sweets are involved.

AYUMU: You don’t need anything else, right?

REIJI: Yeah, you can go back.

REIJI: Ah…! That honey’s expiration date is close so you better eat it fast.

AYUMU: Wha--?! You… You just wanted to get rid of it, huh…

REIJI: Then you don’t need it~

AYUMU: I’m not returning something I’ve already been given! Plus… the honey did nothing wrong. I’ll be eating it soon.

(Ayumu opens the door)

AYUMU: Don’t oversleep tomorrow.

REIJI: I know, I know. Sleep properly too, okay?

AYUMU: I know that, Mom.

REIJI: (laughs)

(Ayumu leaves and closes the door)

REIJI: I hope he got the message… That he’s catching a cold…

REIJI: He’s the type to not notice that about himself…

  ==END==

Translator’s Notes:

(1)  Reiji actually calls Ayumu 「雨男/ameotoko」whose common translation is, “a person whose presence seems to invite rain”. Using that would be too long so I just simplified it to its other (more literal) translation, “rain man” XD

(2)  Ayumu says 「お暇/oitoma」which is kinda like, a lesser/uncommon way of saying “I’ll be taking my leave/I’m going home now/I’ll be heading back” so Reiji was kinda shocked about it.

※ Please don’t re-post the English translations without permission.

If you like this, please consider buying me a ko-fi here to support my work. (o^▽^o)Thank you!!

[chloemill]

On what I’ve been up to the last nine years

I have always been obsessed with food. It seems silly, honestly, to be obsessed with something that’s a basic human necessity. Food, water, shelter. Too bad there aren’t water disorders or I’d be all over that. Alcoholism, I guess, is a liquid-based disorder? This is getting dark quickly but I guess we should all know what we’re getting into with this one, shouldn’t we.

So, yeah, I’ve always been obsessed with food. I have alarmingly clear memories of food from childhood, and the sad(dest) part is most of it’s not even real fucking food, it’s like, cartoon food. I could probably describe every illustration from the Berenstain Bears installment where the dad bear and the kid bears randomly decide to go balls to the fucking wall and just mainline junk food until the mom bear is like “what the fuck is going on here” and gives them all apples or some shit and then everyone chills the fuck out. The pizza in A Goofy Movie when Goofy and Max randomly stop at a themed motel and the kids eat pizza while Goofy and Pete share what I remember to be a vaguely sexual moment in the hot tub? (There was definitely at LEAST a questionable power dynamic at play.) The kid at school whose weird helicopter mom came at lunch and hand-delivered her McDonald’s nuggets to the playground. Bake sales in the second grade - the cookies and brownies and “nachos” that were just round Tostitos with that terrifying and delicious fake cheese sauce that still honestly casts a spell twenty years later. It wasn’t quite normal, but as a kid, I didn’t think twice. When your parents are feeding you and your brain is the size of a baseball, you just kind of roll with the punches and settle for buying as much crap as possible at the bake sale with the two bucks your mom gave you. Shortly after I finished elementary school, actually, I think they stopped having bake sales as fundraisers because the school was trying to promote healthy eating. Go figure.

In high school we were allowed to go off campus for lunch and once or twice a week my sainted mother would give me money to buy lunch. It very rapidly became the bi-weekly Let’s See How Much Shit We Can Stuff In Our Body For Ten Dollars Challenge, but that’s not at all uncommon for high schoolers. At home we ate healthily, and I have a pretty fast metabolism thanks to my Slenderman of a father so I was more or less the size of a pencil for first few years of school. We’re talking, like, size double zero at Hollister. I actually used to peel the 00 size stickers off my low rise (!!!) jeans whenever I’d get a new pair and stick them on the side of my desk in my bedroom, which, as I became a normal-sized adult with not-normal-sized body image problems, morphed into a very creative form of self-inflicted psychological torment. I have some journal entries from the first few years of high school with “diet and workout plans”, but in teenage girl fashion, most of them were quickly forgotten about or amended with “forgot and ate mac and cheese today - whoops!” Stupid teenage shit. It’s actually kind of hilarious reading it back now until I remember how spectacularly fucked up everything got. ANYWAY!

My first real memory of hating my body was on a school trip to Scotland my junior year. I was fully indoctrinated into the cult of high school musical theatre and we were performing at the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh, which was an incredibly cool experience that I absolutely did NOT take full advantage of and instead did shit like drink way too much rum (fucking RUM because apparently I was a character in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean franchise), try to climb out the window of the dorms we were staying in to go see my boyfriend in his building, quickly remember I was on like the fucking fourth floor, throw up all over the carpet of my room and then pass out. My room smelled like puke the rest of the trip but that, though tragic in its own right, is not the point of this anecdote. Being both across the pond and left to my own devices, I was eating nothing but beige-colored fried food to the point that I’m certain ketchup and fruit juice used solely as a mixer for alcohol were the only things saving me from full-blown scurvy. My clothes felt tight, and not in the 2010s way that everything was tight, but bad tight. My stomach poked out of my jeans in a way that my stomach wasn’t supposed to poke out of my jeans. Keep in mind - I was probably a size 0 instead of 00 at this point, and most of this change was just a product of being sixteen instead of fourteen and growing, but to me it felt ominous in a way I didn’t know how to explain. During a group trip to some Scottish landmark or another (see how much attention I paid to this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity my parents spent their hard-earned money to give me?) I remember sitting next to my close friend on the bus as we pulled over to stop for food. I was having relationship trouble with the aforementioned boyfriend, one of the first of many Musical Theatre Straight Boys™ that I would lose my fucking mind over, and I was getting emotional - more emotional than I expected. I realized something else was bothering me, and I turned to her and said “On top of everything else, I just feel… fat. I know I’m not fat, but I’m fat, like, for me.”

Two things here: first and foremost, yes, for that I know I am now the recipient of the Most Annoying Sentence Ever Spoken Aloud award and will provide the mailing address for my trophy at a later date. Second, I said that over ten years ago, and I remember it so clearly that I’m entirely sure that’s exactly what I said, verbatim. We got off the bus, and I walked into the restaurant and, after scanning the menu desperately trying to convince myself I should order something “healthy”, I ordered large steak fries and got back on the bus. I think this was the first time I ever really, consciously used food as a coping mechanism - the first time something small but powerful snapped in my head that told me fuck it - who the fuck cares? You’ve done enough damage already, what’s the point of stopping now?

High school ended, I graduated and we sang “Journey On” from Ragtime at the ceremony (baffling choice but the school was doing Ragtime next year and wanted to squeeze a promo out), I got into several of my top-choice musical theatre colleges and was so excited to go to the one I picked, which, you’ll be charmed to hear, was the absolute worst choice I could’ve made. I was 18 and a little bigger now, firmly in size 0/2 instead of 00 territory, had maybe graduated to a 32B bra instead of A, but still very thin by most standards. This was my first summer as a Very Online Person - I would stay up tlil probably 3 or 4 AM most nights blogging and watching Harry Potter movies for the umpteenth time. Because the rest of my family was, how do I put it, fucking normal, they’d go to bed at 11 or whenever and I’d be up alone for hours on the  computer. This is when I started bingeing. We didn’t really keep junk food in my house, nothing legit like Cheetos or Ben and Jerry’s or whatever, but we did have sugar cereal and reduced-fat Oreos and cheese and the occasional box of Triscuts. It became a nightly ritual for me - I’d wait for everyone to go to bed, then tiptoe in to the kitchen and, though I’d eaten dinner hours earlier, start eating again. Stacks of Oreos, multiple bowls of cereal, shredded cheese out of the bag. After a while my mom heard me banging around in the kitchen and told me (in so many words) to shut the fuck up, so my methods changed. I’d bring the box of cereal - Rice Krispies or Cocoa Puffs or whatever - a bowl, and a carton of milk into the bathroom with me. I’d run the sink and open the box and pour the cereal with the water running so no one would hear, and then I’d creep back out to the couch and eat it. Box of Oreos into the bathroom, water on, peel open the plastic, take out the biggest stack I thought I could with no one noticing, eat. Three or four granola bars into the bathroom, water on, wrappers off and hidden behind my bed or the couch or wherever, eat. Rinse and repeat.

I didn’t really know what binge eating was at this point, and some tiny, dark part of my brain buried way in the back told me that this wasn’t normal and it wasn’t good, but I pushed it away because of course I did. I did a few Google searches about it and came across the term “binge eating disorder” but was convinced that could never be me. This was just a thing, just a thing I was doing, and it would go away at the end of the summer when I went away to college because that’s when life was actually starting and it was going to be awesome and I wasn’t going to let this - whatever this was - fuck that up.

But I did, in fact, fuck it up. I fucked it up fast and hard (that’s what she said, ok back to being depressing) and college was not awesome, it was difficult and painful and I was drowning in something I had absolutely no chance of controlling on my own. I accepted very quickly that this thing I was doing had a name, and it was binge eating disorder, and I was all in. I gained weight - not a ton, maybe twenty pounds, and I was never actually overweight, but to me that didn’t matter. I hated how I looked. I overdrew my bank account spending money my mom gave me for groceries on binge food. I spent hours alone in the dining hall eating till I felt physically ill and sometimes threw up involuntarily because my body couldn’t handle what I was doing. One time I stood in the bathroom of my dorm and drank mustard mixed with warm water because I read online that makes you puke and I was so full I wanted to die (it didn’t work, please for the love of GOD don’t drink mustard water or, for that matter, anything else for the express purpose of making yourself vomit). I cancelled plans with friends and skipped classes to stay in and binge, or because I’d binged already that day and could barely move. I stole food from roommates, convincing myself no one would notice, even though of course they fucking noticed. I hid food and packaging and wrappers under my bed, in my closet, in my backpack, wherever I could because I didn’t want anyone to catch on. Lied about why I needed money so my parents would send me some and I could buy more shit. I ate stale food, food from the trash, once I literally ate straight up chocolate sauce (mustard water and chocolate sauce: 10 out of 10 doctors recommend!) because I had nothing else. Waking up for 8 AM ballet classes and seeing my body in a leotard under fluorescent lighting felt like a form of torture Dick Cheney might think was a little too harsh. I saw a therapist over the summers and ate with my parents at home, and things got better, and then I’d go back to school and everything would unravel again. I’m still kind of shocked I made it through.

I’ve been done with school and living in the city for five years now, and I can honestly say that things are better. I mean, not “better”, in the sense that this chapter of the book is still pretty fucking open. But I’m better at dealing with it. The majority of the time now, I eat normally. I still binge, sometimes a lot and sometimes a little, but I carry on and try again the next day. I don’t really restrict to make up for binges anymore. I can eat some foods now that used to send me straight into Eatin’ Town USA, like cheese and bread and maybe even Oreos sometimes. I started enjoying working out, not just logging time on the treadmill as a punishment and feeling like Jean Valjean in the opening number of Les Mis (look down look down you’RE HERE UNTIL YOU DI-IE). 

To be honest, I think I’m writing this mostly because the last couple months have been hard. I’ve fallen into some old stupid shitty habits, and I’ve been plugging along like normal and trying to claw myself out. But it’s not quite working like it normally does, and I don’t know why. I know I’ll make it through, because I always have, and what other option is there? But some days lately, I feel like twenty-year-old me, sobbing (very theatrically, natch) on the floor of my apartment because I should be over this by now - how am I not over this by now? This is my ninth year as a binge eater. Almost a decade! Far and away my longest and most committed relationship. When I hit 10 years strong, I should take myself out to a fancy restaurant or something but I don’t know what I’d order.

When I tell people this, I usually get some kind of “I had no idea”/“I’m sorry I didn’t notice”/“I would’ve never guessed” and the truth is that I didn’t, and still don’t, want anyone to notice. Of course I don’t. You don’t hide candy wrappers and empty pizza boxes in your closet with your winter boots because you want people to notice. It’s a very strange and secretive brand of shame that binge eating disorder brings and no one really get it unless they get it, and that’s not something I’d wish on anyone. (Okay, honestly, I’d wish it on some people, like it’s hard as hell but some people suck ass and probably deserve it? Anyway.) As I’ve grown up, I’ve started talking about this more and more. The first time I went public with all of this shit - I think I made a dramatic Instagram post a few years ago whilst day drunk during National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (absolutely incredible and Very Me start to a sentence) - I was shocked at how many people reached out to me privately and were like, hey, me too, and thank you for saying something. I’m still ashamed, but I’m trying not to be, and the more I talk about it the less alone I feel. “There are dozens of us! DOZENS!”

I guess one nice thing about this whole stupid nightmare is it’s kind of a reason why I am who I am. Not the only reason, but still. I started using jokes to cope with this while I was in school, and my sense of humor, whatever the fuck it is today, grew out of that. Except now I don’t joke about this stupid shit because I’m in denial, I do it because it’s real and I’m staring it in the face and it’s not going away, and the absurdity of something so excruciatingly difficult yet so entirely in my control gets fucking terrifying. I guess laughing at it makes it seem small.

[mentalcurls]

8. Lo sanno tutti a scuola

Episode 8! Thing are not great for Eva right now. It’s fun that I always start the episodes and think I don’t have that much to say about them, then I always end up writing at least 3 pages of ramblings. This time the topics that came up were Giovanni’s maturity, my headcanons about Edoardo and romance novels. And of course at the end of the post there are the results ot the Bechdel test!

that shot with the sky, Eva and the house with the gradient geometric shapes behind her is gorgeous, jeez

also, the song that mimics Eva’s heartbeat skipping while she looks for Gio

ok, so, did Gio send Marti out or was he leaving on his own?

Marti sure loves his dramatic pauses

and like, Gio was dealing with this in a pretty mature way? Not talking to Eva but not asking anyone else (Marti) to ostracize her, asking her for space and telling her he’ll contact her; except then there’s the “you made everything go to shit”

MARTI FEELS SO FUCKING GUILTY! Look at him, he avoids looking at Eva for too long, his eyes are basically soulless, he’s staring into nothing and hating himself

“Stai tranquilla” says Marti and then again Eleonora, a few minutes later: guys, I get you don’t really know what to say to make Eva feel better, to tell her you’re there for her but “Stai tranquilla” doesn’t help! She feels guilty and ashamed and isolated, she need reassurance she’ll get through this with you!

that scene with “Million reasons” playing 💔 Gio glancing at the back of Eva’s head then turning away 💔 the fact that I can’t see Gio’s eyes properly to gauge how shitty Gio feels, how much he cried, how little he slept 💔

the boys all turning back to look at Eva 💔 Marti lingering 💔 Elia turning Gio’s head 💔 (but also threading his fingers through Gio’s hair 💖)

and it’s so significant that Ele and Silvia get to Eva’s class walking upstream, against the current of people going outside (who are represnt the sheep mentality of high schoolers blaming Eva for Fede cheating because they listen to gossip)

and Eva takes a breath when she sees the girls and she must be so relieved, it must feel like it’s the first time she’s able to breathe properly since Alice slapped her

Silvia keeps looking at Eleonora while she talks, as if looking for reassurance, and I’m so curious! I wanna know if Ele’s looking back, if they’re pulling a full on Elia-and-Giovanni-parenting-Martino!

ohhh, the showdown between Ele and Silvia and Laura and Sara (also, notice how both couples of girls are blonde+brunette?)

that last look between Ele and Silvia before the second group hug! They’re totally concerned moms parenting Eva

that second hug is so soft I’m 💖

oh, poor Eva! As if her week wasn’t bad enough she has to get her period, poor babe

not to mention the misogynistic insults written in the bathroom stall about her

oh God, I know what Eva’s feeling when her mom confronts her: I bet she genuinely hasn’t thought of the fight in a while, more concerned with Gio and the looks and insults and general hostility (on top of school of course) so she’s honestly caught off guard (it happened to me with a professor who took me aside cause he found out I’d let a classmate copy a translation during a test, and I’d completely forgotten about it, I had no idea what the hell he was talking about when he asked me if there was something I wanted to tell him… it was horrible)

Paola is obviously concerned already but I don’t think she’s let herself fully appreciate the kind of situation Eva is in and she only gets a glimpse when she sits her daughter down and listens to her rant, but her expression changes immediately

except them she brings up Giovanni! As if that is the most important thing! Her daughter told her she’s stressed, she doesn’t sleep at night and she latches onto Gio?? WTF

and that sigh at the end, that’s Paola realizing just how much she is in fact out of the loop of Eva’s life, just like Eva told her a minute earlier, cause probably they haven’t talked about Eva’s boyfriend since the failed dinner! She let weeks pass without asking who he is again? Cause Eva would’ve told her if she’d asked around ep. 6, let’s say right after the park scene with Gio

ok, but Eva is slightly stalking Giovanni: they’re in the same class, fine; she went to look for him at his house immediately after the fight, understandable; but when she’s on the steps with Ele?? Girl, he asked you for some space!

Silvia is making good choices as far as fashion consultant go in this season (in S2 however she asks Marti to go shopping with her,so…….)

“You don’t have to wait for his permission, just go there and talk to him” and Eleonora Sava lets me down here. If someone asks you for space, you give ‘em space, love

Eleonora is kind of OOC here: since when is she so concerned with what other people think that she polices what kind of music she listens to and feels like she has to justify herself because of it’s a silly, catchy, pop song?

anyways, this whole scene screams Evanora to me, with pining!Ele trying to distract Eva from Gio and at the same time show her that she’s there, available, look at me Eva, I make you smile!! Men are trash, but there’s *drumroll* girls! Like me! I’m a girl! 

and then Edoardo gets there, interrupts their moment and proves men are trash: he creeps up on them from behind, insinuates himself in a conversation he has no business being involved in and mocks Ele both for her singing, her musical choices and her justifying herself. Primary school level pigtail pulling.

and then he just stares at her! Like a dumbass! Like he hopes she’ll get lost in the bottomless pits of his eyes or something! Like he’s out of a clichè romance novel or a bodice ripper!

new headcanon: Edoardo secretly reads tons of Harmony paperbacks (similar to Harlequin novels, for those of you who aren’t Italian) and all of his ideas and opinions on love and romance come from the books. So far, he’s been the typical rich, popular, brooding hero who loves and leaves with Silvia and now he’s the man who pursues the woman who tells him no with Eleonora so the shoe fits perfectly. Let’s see how it evolves

he offers her a ride home! The only thing missing is a white horse and the slain of some attacker who wanted to hurt Ele

the “Eduardo” thing is so stupid! They could have gone the Eberardo/Everardo route much easily and it would have been much funnier cause it’s an uncommon, pretentious name! Or they could have gone for something completely different like that still started with E, there’s a lot of pretty weird-sounding names like Evaristo, Eusebio, Ermenegildo that start with E (in the og Noora calls William Wilhelm which is pretty different, so I think they would have worked well)

Edo is smart here: Ele tries to shove back in his face the not-knowing-your-name thing he did to Silvia, but he neatly sidesteps her and the only comeback she has is insulting him directly: Edoardo 1 - Eleonora 0 tbh, this is a struggle of wit and she went vulgar

Eleonora is badass, but I can’t help but feel she’s very 16 years old

ok, the following conversation is a bit weird: Eva’s question is pretty clear, yet Ele asks for clarification, then when Eva says she did it on purpose Ele denies, then say the thing about manipulation

the real thing that should worry Eva is that Eleonora has mind categories for the people she knows such as “adversaries” tbh

Eva shaming Ele for listening to Baby K (along with Ele asking for a vow of secrecy and justifying himself for the song she sung) throws me back to ep. 3 when Eva talks to Gio about her classmates enjoying k-pop and manga: girls, who on earth made you believe that liking silly, catchy, fun, pop stuff that is marketed specifically for you, that tries to cater to your interests, that exists and is successful thanks to you, is wrong and something to be ashamed of? Why being passionate about something feminine or light, that doesn’t require a huge effort to understand it, or again frivolous is such a bad thing? You’re allowed to like whatever you want, you’re allowed to spend hours and hours on it and you’re allowed to share your interest with other people like you who enjoy those things! Let the others say it’s trashy or stupid stuff, they don’t know shit about what it means to you!

aaaand we’re back to Eva not giving Gio space, going to his place again then having Marti tell him where he is

and she’s even wearing an oversized denim jacket that’s quite reminiscent of Gio’s!

blue Eva, blue train, blue pool

red Gio! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Gio not wear blue or grey, even in this season?!

this angry Gio is not exactly the same hurt, disappointed boy from 5.6 Quante cazzate in S2, because with Marti it’s been a slow boil, things bubbling up a little bit at a time plus there’s the extenuating circumstance of his home situation; with Eva, there some foreshadowing, something wrong, but it was a sudden stab, a fundamentally unexpected betrayal; so where in S2 there’s a lot of sadness too, in this situation it’s pure anger

and Eva does the right thing, she tells the truth… except she doesn’t, the very first thing she says is a lie she tells both Gio and herself, because it’s not true she isn’t attracted to Federico

AND AGAIN WITH THE SEXIST LANGUAGE GIOVANNI, you asshole, did you really have to go for “hysterical”?? A very gendered term?

and thank God Eva is given a chance to throw it back to his face, all the gaslighting and manipulation he put her through; except then she goes for “victim” blaming

aaaand Giovanni confirms the rumor Eleonora heard, the thing Silvia confronted Edoardo about, is true! In case anyone had any doubts after Edo’s convincing performance of pretending it isn’t a thing

Gio sees right through the lie, he knows Eva likes Federico, if not for the person he is then for the things he represents: Eva is in full on Silvia mindset

I think this is the episode where we meet S2 Gio: except for a few moments, caused by hurt and anger, he handles this whole mess in a mature, contained way that we see again and again in S2, like when he takes Marti aside to tell him off for using him as a cover with his mom without telling him, like when Marti comes back to school after the “hiatus” week or when he comes out; whereas up until now, I’ve seen a younger, dumber Gio, who lied and didn’t give much thought to people’s feeling (like when he teases Federica with Marti in ep.3) and who manipulated people to get his way (the gaslighting, the fight at the park with Eva in ep.6)

the bus being cancelled without warning or being so late it’s as if it’s canceled is such Italian culture

Edo is smart: he doesn’t even know Eleonora’s name, but he kept Eva’s face in mind and he’s found the perfect opportunity to exploit his, albeit limited, knowledge and to appear kinder with at least one of Ele’s friends, since he botched things with Silvia

on the other hand, hello again saviour complex straight out of a bodice ripper

this scene is so Twilight: the expensive, fast car, actually going to school by car at all, Eva being late and in “trouble”, Edo acting like a gentleman and stopping the car for her

Eva is a great friend! She hesitates! Despite having a super important test that could determine if she passes or fails a class! And then she pretends she doesn’t know he’s talking about Ele ad she refuses to give Edo her number!

“Then I save your life for real this morning” what did I say about a saviour complex? Also, way to fish for gratitude and compliments, asshole, let her study!

“I’ll find her on Instagram anyways” arrogance is not the same thing as confidence, Edoardo, and you’re an exemplary display of the first here

Bechdel test: this episode passes the Bechdel test, thanks to Eva’s conversation with her mom Paola and to Eva and Eleonora talking on the steps (except for a very brief mention of Edoardo that I decided to overlook).

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[yukipri]

Compilation doodles + Name explanations for the OC kids in the YOI Future!verse ABO AU

^ Literally the above, because I thought WAY too hard about these for legit months (the twins were conceived in my mind back in DECEMBER and Arisa in January >.>;;) and I want to rant about my reasoning for all of them. :P

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IF YOU ARE NEW TO THIS AU: It’s Yuuri-centric polyamory in an ABO setting, Yuuri’s married to four mates (Victor, Yurio, Phichit, Minami) and the above are their kids.

BASICS of this AU

INTRO to how ABO works in this AU

OTHER POSTS (comics + illustrations) in the Future!Verse ABO section of my YOI Masterpost.

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Please keep ship bashing out of the comments/tags. Don’t like, just skip <3 Thank you.

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PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, EDIT, OR OTHERWISE USE MY ART WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION. More detailed rules available on my Rules & FAQ Post.

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t know any Russian or Thai and my info comes from not-so-trustworthy Google-sensei though I did my best to triple check from multiple sources including non-English ^ ^; I am however native and fluent in both Japanese and English and also consulted a Japanese linguist regarding my kanji choices ^ ^; If I made any mistakes please be gentle, and also understanding that this is a low-stress self-indulgent near-crack AU >.>;;;

Onwards! vvv

The twins: So one of the base premises of YOI as a series is “HEY check out this name ‘Yuri’ that works in both Russian and Japanese! Let’s have two characters from these nationalities share this name.” So it only makes sense to me that any Russian-Japanese kids they have also follow this multi-lingual pattern. I also really wanted the twins to match as much as possible because their characters are very much inseparable, sides of the same coin type kids.

Turns out finding names that work in both languages other than Yuri is pretty hard, especially when your knowledge of Russian is 0. The ones I came up with I was like AHAHAH NAH WHAT JOKE ANIME VILLAIN NAMES ARE THOSE but in the end I couldn’t find better and after calling them that for months, it’s kinda stuck >.>;

So that’s how I ended up with two names that are both nicknames in Russian, both have pretty unfortunate/evil phonetic first impressions in Japanese, and both are feminine and elegant in their Japanese kanji.

Yasha (夜紗/Яша) - I absolutely wanted this for Victor and Yuuri’s son, because apparently it’s the nickname form of “Yakov” which I mean COME ON. Unfortunately, the English approximation of the Japanese phonetic is “demon,” oopsies, not sure you want to name your kid that in rl, but it sounds cool so you may recognize it from various anime ^ ^;;; Luckily Japanese kanji can switch out meanings, so we have “night” and the second character is an uncommon feminine ending that can mean something like “silk,” but is generally just feminine and pretty.

Shura (珠羅/Шура) - Is apparently a nickname for “Aleksandr” and other variations in Russian. Unfortunately, the most obvious meaning for the sound is “carnage,” most frequently used in shuraba or “scene of carnage” in Japanese (in addition to being taken literally, this can also refer to love trouble situation, such as catching your lover cheating etc). Also sounds cool, also pretty common in anime/song titles but nooooot so great rl name LOL With the swapped out kanji, the first character is “pearl,” and the second, while different from Yasha’s, can also mean “silk” and is also a very feminine and elegant character.

Wow u two like the Free!! kids as boys with girly names

I feel like Yurio would be super excited at the prospect of naming his kids like badass anime characters “Demon” and “Carnage” and Victor would be too tickled by the bilingual options and Yuuri would just sorta cave and be like FINE OKAY but don’t turn to me when the other Japanese kids look at them weird...

ALSO, I’m aware that both are in nickname form and not the full Russian names identified above, but as the nicknames are the only ones that work in Japanese those are their official names ^ ^ Given the international nature of their family, I figure it’s fine.

Arisa (愛利咲/อริสา) - This is a common enough relatively modern name in Japanese, and I found it in enough Thai sources to think it works as a Thai name too, but I’m not entirely sure if it’s a native Thai name or a loan name from a different language and also couldn’t find a Thai meaning to it ^ ^;; But given how I’ve heard Thai nicknaming works, I was like okay it’s fine if it’s leaning towards Japanese right?? Anyway, it’s a name I genuinely love outside of bilingual potential so I was biased towards it the moment I found out it could work ^ ^;

ANYWAY, the meaning of her name based on the characters I chose (many combinations possible for this name) means “blooming love,” which I feel is super fitting for this family. ^ ^ ALSO, the middle “ri” character is not particularly cute or feminine compared to the alternatives, but is rather masculine and the choice is intentional. In Japanese, many parents (including my own), will choose to write their kids’ names using characters from their own or their family members’ names. The “ri” in Arisa is the “ri” in both Yuuri and his sister Mari’s names. This character is also actually the first one in Yuuri’s dad’s name, Toshiya (利也), yep it’s read super differently but it’s there, which absolutely makes it a family legacy thing.

Yuuji (勇次) - The most straightforward of all their names, but also given with some thought. ^ ^;; It’s an obvious combination of Yuuri (勇利) and Kenjirou (健次郎)’s names, and is a pretty normal Japanese name. I also could have gone with “Yuujirou,” but it’s a bit long, the “rou” is really masculine, and it’s also the exact sort of name that would be butchered mercilessly in international contexts (though Yuuji is also a pretty masculine name).

The first character, Yuuri’s “Yuu,” means bravery, and the second character from Minami “ji” is “next,” and is commonly given to the second son. But I feel in this context, “next bravery” also seems like a really good name to give someone who you have high hopes for continuing his parents’ legacy in the next generation.

*All of their hyphenated surnames were chosen based on their parents’ fore-knowledge that they’d be growing up in primarily international contexts. Hyphenated surnames really aren’t a thing in Japan at least and Katsuki-Minami is bizarre af but I figured anything goes if it’s all international and given how unconventional their family already is, they’re going to prioritize keeping the pattern than giving a traditional name. Katsuki is first in all of the kids surnames so the kids’ll be together alphabetically. As of the “current” time in this AU, all of the parents have retained their original surnames.

[every-reason-shes-fine]

dan’s video will go down as one of my favourites ever.  I’m going to paste the comment I left on here as I put a fair amount of time and thought into it.  I wanted to say more but this is the essence of it.  i’d appreciate anyone reading and/or giving feedback.

-- 

I have a wholesome message of support.  ok so you're right, i'm not surprised at all that you have depression but i'm so glad you're doing better lately and that you shared this with us.  really, it fills me with a joy I can physically feel, which not a lot of things do.  and I almost cried, which is also uncommon.

I have it too, dysthymia, to be specific, which for anyone who doesn't know is on the milder side but pretty much constant and usually lifelong.  if mood is measured in a range from 10 to -10, someone with major depression might have episodes of -10 or close to, and periods of 0 or higher.  someone with dysthymia is almost always around -3.  some people have both--it's called double depression--and of course everyone's experience is different.  dan, what you described is the closest thing to my experience I've ever heard.  sometimes I feel sad, and sure, sometimes I feel happy, but mostly I just feel empty.  and so tired.  I have a wonderful life but I can't really enjoy it and I feel like I have no control of it.  I would never kill myself, I don't even exactly want to die, I just often want to not exist.  I've tried therapy and medication--variously--and didn't notice significant change.  but it's true: simple self-care can be very difficult but so helpful.  i'd say the main things metaphorically keeping me alive are: 1. my studies/passion: however hard it may be to go to class and do assignments, fashion design is my literal lifelong dream and it feels so right.  2. my friends, especially my best friend of 13 years.  I love her more than anything and losing her in any sense would be the worst thing I can imagine.  3. music.  really.  sometimes when I listen to pierce the veil (my favourite) it's the closest I've come to a magical 'temporary cure'.  

anyway, dan, I want to sincerely thank you for everything you do because you (and phil) are right up there on the list of best things in my life and i'm so grateful that you have been for over 2 years.  you make me laugh and you're such a genuine, amazing person; I wish I could both articulate this and thank you in a better way.  I know it never goes away but i'm so, so happy that it's better than it has been in the past for you and I wish nothing but the best in the future, for you and everyone else struggling with mental illness.  think how many consecutive days you've survived.  even if some of them it feels like that's all you've done, i'm proud of you.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Why criticizing Peter Parker for not having life insurance makes YOU look stupid: A mini-essay

For years now I’ve heard the critique of Peter Parker’s character that he’s an irresponsible man-child fuck up because he doesn’t have life insurance. 

Here is why that criticism isn’t only invalid but why saying it doesn’t make you smart, but rather reveals how idiotic you are.

The criticism stems from two specific sources. The first source is from an offhand comment in the 2005 storyline the Other, specifically Friendly Nieghborhood Spider-Man #2. To give some context Peter Parker has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and after consulting the big brains of the Marvel Universe (Reed Richards, Hank Pym, T’Challa, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, etc) is accepting the fact that he’s doomed.

The other source for this criticism stems from famous internet reviewer Linkara’s review of One More Day on his long running internet review show Atop the Fourth Wall.

I’ve dissected Linkara’s over all criticism of the character before and explained why it’s utter cack that is evidence of his ignorance when it comes to the character (not unexpected given that he’s hardcore DC and doesn’t dabble half as much into Marvel).

But that isn’t my point or the topic of discussion.

So first of all let’s just do some important context here for both sources.

 The line about Peter not having life insurance came from Reginald Hudlin who frankly was never good as a Spider-Man writer, was given Marvel writing jobs as a weird publicity stunt more than anything and was the guy who wrote Tony Stark so out of character that he was literally offering Spider-Man the opportunity to commit adultery on Mary Jane at one point.

 Hardly the most liable source for the character is it?

 But in truth most people probably know more about this criticism from Linklara’s video. Linkara is very well known within the comic book industry as he is the closest thing to a full on comic book nerd celebrity we have. Allegedly his videos actually inspired Marvel to make a Deadpool storyline which revived incredibly obscure characters that were the subject of one of his reviews.

 Typically whenever the criticism of Peter not having life insurance is brought up it’s in a manner not dissimilar to Linkara’s long and ill informed rant about Peter as a character.

 Which heavily indicates to me that really most of the people bringing up the criticism are parroting him without

a)      Having read the story

b)      Having read much Spider-Man

c)       Considering the context of the character and the world he lives in and the life he leads.

In short they repeat the criticism to pretend they know what they are talking about when they do not.

 But okay let’s get down to brass tax and explain why it makes complete fucking sense despite all that as to why Peter Parker wouldn’t  have life insurance.

 The short story is it boils down to three reasons

 ·         He can’t afford it

·         It’d be unethical

·         It’d be redundant

Lets go through those one by one.

  He can’t afford life insurance

 In the storyline in question Peter Parker had been living rent free with the Avengers for at most 2 months tops and that’s an extreme estimate, it’s probably less.

 So what was Peter’s living situation BEFORE that?

 He was a teacher at an underfunded, under resourced inner city school with a history of crime and poverty in the area where some of the students were effectively squatting and there was also drug problems too. His decision to teach there was more out of a desire to help the children rather than any financial considerations. Due to being Spider-Man days off also were not uncommon for him and one imagines that would impact his pay. Teachers tend to get a shitty wage in general but a teacher at this sort of school under these sorts of conditions would be a noticeably shitty wage. So Peter Parker doesn’t have much income coming generally speaking.

 Then you’ve got his expenses.

 Living in central Manhattan is extortionately pricy most of the time due to the rent alone, never mind other utilities, food, clothing and other necessities.

 But Peter ALSO had to use some of his salary to help support Aunt May who as far as we know never had a job where there would be a pension scheme. Maybe she had some money to get by but given that Peter as a teenager was obviously the main source of income through being a photographer it’s likely May never had much money so was reliant upon Peter for financial support. This is a big deal because she is not only an older person living in what looks like a two bedroom (at least) detached house in Forest Hills she also has a history of medical problems which have proven pricy over the years.

 On top of all of that Peter also has to pay for maintenance of his equipment as Spider-Man. He has to get the right fabric to make multiple copies of his full body costume (comprised of seven different items of clothing, a mask, a shirt, pants, gloves and boots). He has to get special one way lenses the then must attach to the fabric of his costume (which would probably require some kind of adhesive). He has to make, maintain and ensure he has spares of his web shooters and web cartridges which is an entirely custom made set of devices meaning he’d have to purchase the individual materials himself. He has to do the same for his spider tracers, his spider signal and his utility belt which contains the latter devices and his cartridges.

 And then there is the web-fluid. This is an entirely custom made chemical substance which is not only not sold in stores but requires Peter to be conspicuous when purchasing the individual ingredients so as to avoid suspicion. He also needs to maintain workable chemistry apparatus in order to properly mix the web fluid formula correctly, which is unto itself not cheap. Whilst it’s possible for him to make a cheaper version as Ben Reilly did in Sensational Spider-Man #0, Ben discovered that his cheaper version of the formula wasn’t nearly as reliable.

 When taken with Peter’s outright statements that the web fluid is expensive you see that it’s yet another notable yet necessary draw on his income.

 Now bear in mind that for most of his career Spider-Man did not have a reliable regular salary and relied upon freelance photography which makes his income flexible at best.

 Do you see now?

 He probably couldn’t AFFORD life insurance in the face of all the more immediate pressing needs he needed money for.

 Now sure during the times he was in a relationship with Mary Jane, you could say he could have gotten life insurance when she was bringing in the big bucks but Mary Jane’s career has not itself been reliable. She’s had only short bursts of success and in a very recent story (Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #5) prior to Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #2 she’d gotten the family into some notable financial straits.

It’d be redundant for him to get life insurance

In the Other storyline Peter Parker is dying due to his own superhuman biology. I forget the specifics but it’s essentially something to do with the radiation in his system breaking his body down or something like that.

 Why do I bring this up?

 Because unless somebody wants to correct me if I am wrong you can’t just get life insurance wherein your family gets money if you die under any given circumstances.

 The circumstances of your death have to be taken into account before the company pays out.

 In this story Peter is foolishly berating himself for not insuring his life against dying of an entirely fictional Marvel Universe illness which is entirely exclusive to him because nobody else has ever been bitten by a radioactive spider ever and the cause of death would be incredibly obvious to anybody looking at the medical report.

 So he literally could never have BEEN insured against this in the first place.

 But this ties into a broader point, that being that the life Spider-Man leads renders the need for life insurance completely redundant.

 I’m not sure if any of the ‘enlightened people’ like Linkara (who once defended Joel Schumacher’s use of a Bat credit card in the 1997 film Batman and Robin) noticed but...Peter Parker is a superhero.

 Peter Parker lives a life wherein he risks his life on a daily basis and where his villains risk killing him at any given moment of any given day. Guys like Norman Osborn and Venom who know his secret identity and can bypass his Spider Sense can even kill him as he sleeps.

 In the real world there is NO life insurance coverage for superhuman activites. Now sure we could say there is if you live in the Marvel universe...but not if you actually ARE a superhero.

 Superheroes like Spider-Man are vigilantes who routinely bend the law and are involved in numerous acts of collateral damage. Even if a life insurance company was willing to look passed the lack of identification Spidey, Daredevil and other such heroes would present they’d never go ahead with insuring them nor would they be allowed legally speaking.

 Between his enhanced biology which allows him to heal better, resist injury better, move fast enough to dodge bullets and know when danger might strike even in his sleep, Peter Parker himself is more or less iron clad guaranteed to never ever die from like a car accident or anything. He even instinctively avoided being hit by a car mere minutes after obtaining his powers as a teenager.

 In fact his death is most likely to come from his activities as a superhero. It’s statistically all but guaranteed that if he was to die before retirement it’d be because of that. Which again is something it’d be impossible for him to insure his life for.

 At the same time even if somehow he did die in a mundane normal way he could’ve gotten insurance for and could somehow fake the autopsy to cover up his superhuman biology and protect his identity the only people he’d want to provide for would be Aunt May and Mary Jane.

 If Peter is single he’d want to provide for Aunt May but if he is single then like I outlined above he probably couldn’t afford life insurance anyway. More than this between her poor health, history of heart problems and the sheer shock and grief from losing her beloved son Aunt May wouldn’t be long for this world anyway. My family have friends who recently lost their 23 year old son and we are currently worried for the health of the boy’s parents because losing your child is just about the most devastating thing that can ever possibly happen to anyone, and when it happens when you are at an advanced age it can be incredibly dangerous.

 But now consider if Peter did die whilst married to Mary Jane then providing for May wouldn’t be a problem, he’d know MJ could handle that as well as provide for herself. She had more than enough options for modelling work if push came to shove which would be able to keep them both well provided for. MJ also had extended family and close friends Peter could rely upon to look after them both. In fact since he was living  with the Avengers at the time of FN Spider-Man #2 he could pretty much rest assured that they (including billionaire Tony Stark) would make sure they would be alright for money.

 Sure upon living with the Avengers and having most of his financial concerns addressed Peter could have purchased some life insurance for any mundane forms of death he might’ve experienced but by the time of the Other he hadn’t been living there for very long and there had been more than a few serious issues which demanded his attention such as HYDRA launching a goddam missile and Mary Jane being harassed by the paparazzi. Shortly AFTER the Other storyline Peter was busy just appreciating the fact that he wasn’t dying anymore but it was like less than a month before the Super Human Registration Act was passed and things went to chaos as the Marvel Universe was engulfed in the stupid Civil War event.

 Finally given that Spider-Man’s death was more than likely going to be the result of his hero activities it would mean there was a massive chance that in dying his identity could be compromised and thereby endanger his family and friends which would render life insurance the least  of their concerns.

 It would be unethical for Spider-Man to get life insurance

 Let’s pretend for a second that life insurance really did work the way many of these critics seem to think it works.

 That you buy life insurance and thereby your next of kin gets money whenever you die, regardless of the circumstances.

 Well if Spider-Man did that in the knowledge that his death was all too possible given his life style it would be profoundly unethical and immoral of him to do so.

 In fact it would be outright illegal because it would involve him withholding vital pieces of information about himself which would affect a company’s desire to insure his life and the amount of money they would be willing to pay out. This is because he is a high risk customer, he risks death every second of every day meaning a company might not only have to pay out at the drop of a hate even though he’s only 30 years old but if they think he’s just a normal guy they might have to pay out a lot of money.

 If his identity was exposed the companies would never pay out citing the fact that he outright deceived them and if they did then Spider-Man just basically stole money from these people which is profoundly irresponsible and out of character for him.

 All the above coalesces into two essential facts.

 That it is actually entirely logical  that Spider-Man doesn’t have life insurance.

And that the people reprimanding the character for not having life insurance are effing idiots.

[dreamscript]

File #666

“So let me get this straight, Yoongi: you’re saying that this thing is the reason why your friends were found hanging from the ceiling fan? That this was the thing that nearly killed them?”

Yoongi’s convinced a double suicide attempt is actually a murder, and you’re busy stalking a comatose student’s blog.

request - 666: for continue file #666 from welcome to ff.net ; badpasta gone cereal.

horror triggers apply.

5.5k words, horror/thriller, yoongi + reader, college/cop au.

You tug the thick manila folder from the stack of files. File #666, marked as “resolved.” You take it from the storage and back to your cubicle. Ruminate over the case a bit. In a strange, twisted way, it’s funny: for months, members of the department had been making bets and dark-humored jokes about what the six hundredth and sixth case would be. Would it be bizarre? Or something more commonplace?

When case #665 turned out to be the kidnapping of twenty-six schoolchildren and gained international attention, speculations for case #666 grew exponentially. A mass murder. A mysterious outbreak. Or maybe someone would actually manage to summon Satan.

And yet, after all the debates and guesses, case #666 turned out to be a double suicide attempt. It’s uncommon—of course, but it was underwhelming compared to all the expectations it had garnered. You lay the folder on your desk before taking a seat. Two college students. Roommates. Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung. You review their profiles, just to make sure that nothing’s been changed.

Nothing has, as expected.

According to the case file, one of them was a blogger—Jimin, you think—and a link to the blog is hastily scribbled on the bottom corner of the folder:

mochi-min. university . blog . com

Dutifully, you type the URL into your browser.

The notes in the folder say that nothing of importance was found on the website; it was simply a loose, carefree, lifestyle blog. The last few entries talked about gaming—but the psychologist’s notes say that the “sudden recession” into “nostalgic times” and the “gaming world” suggest the two stressed students were simply “trying to find an escape from reality.”

And eventually, the two boys realized that the ultimate escape was Death itself, not a digital world of fantasy. So, together, they tied each other’s nooses and hung themselves from their ceiling fan.

Or so the story goes.

You think back to your talk with Yoongi earlier, the way his voice was cracked with desperation, determined to prove the facts wrong. The webpage finally loads.

The minimalistic layout is aesthetic, functional, and the sidebar contains a sunny biography of the blogger:

Jimin. University, ‘19. I love giving advice and writing about my day!!! Dance is my passion and graphic design is my major. Hmu ! ig: @mochi-minz15 sc: @pjm995

Underneath the block of text is a small photo of Jimin. You study his face, compare it to the shots in his file. Yeah—that’s him.

You quickly skim over a few posts, not exactly lingering on a particular one, before sorting them based on chronological order, oldest to newest. Twenty-four entries total. Not bad. You’d been expecting more.

First post!!

“

Hey! I’m Jimin. As an up-and-coming college sophomore, I thought I’d start up this lifestyle blog to provide advice and other college-y things for my younger followers (or at least those who were as anxious and curious about the whole college thing as I was).

School doesn’t begin until next week, but um, here’s this post anyways. I guess I’ll see y’all laters!

”

0 comments

“You’re still on that case?”

Heejun’s voice startles you. Talk about meddling co-workers—seriously. You swear that he and Sehun are the nosiest and biggest gossipers you’ll ever meet.

“Huh–wha–yeah, duh,” you say, turning around to face him. He’s got a mildly amused look on his face, one arm resting casually on your cubicle.

“Didn’t we all conclude it was just a double suicide attempt by two stressed college students?”

“No, you guys did,” you say, turning back to the blog. You’ve still got twenty-three more entries to read. “I wasn’t even assigned to the case, so I never got a say in the manner.”

“So why now?” Heejun shifts his posture. “Why all this sudden interest? And why don’t you think it’s a suicide attempt?”

You turn back to him; it feels a bit awkward talking at a computer. “I was contacted by their best friend, you see. And, funny thing is, their best friend is actually my–oh, what is it? My sister’s cousin-in-law?” Heejun raises his brows skeptically. “Well anyways, we knew each other - kind of - and he insisted that Jimin and Taehyung’s case wasn’t just a suicide.’”

“Then what is it? An almost-successful double murder attempt?” He shoots you a look and you shrug, knowing that a double murder attempt on a college campus is significantly less likely—and plausible—than a double suicide attempt. Heejun crosses his arms.

“I mean, I guess, since besides suicide, there’s no other plausible reason as to why they were both found hanging from the ceiling fan… Thank god Yoongi–that’s their best friend’s name by the way–found them when he did, and the paramedics came when they did, because otherwise those boys would’ve been goners.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be too sure about that. They’re both unresponsive and in critical care. They might be still be goners after all.”

“Have some sensitivity,” you say, and chuck a book at him. He smirks as he straightens up, carefully running a hand through his perfect hair. Prick.

“But seriously, why is that Yoon–Yoonji, was it?–guy so adamant about it being a sort of murder attempt? I can see why the murderer would try to hang them, you know, as a way to fool others into thinking it was a suicide, but what’s the motive? And this was done in a college dorm. Did no one hear any shouting? The walls are pretty thin. The room didn’t seem to show any signs of a struggle, which is weird because this is two full grown men we’re talking about. Not little grade schoolers who will follow you around anywhere ‘long as you got KitKats.”

“KitKats are good,” you say defensively. “But yeah no—that’s what I don’t get either. Who’d want to kill two average, not-rich-but-not-poor college students? What’s there to gain? A higher ranking? A slightly quieter dorm? Was someone jealous that the two of them managed to score a suite? I don’t get it, and Yoongi didn’t have many ideas either, but he vehemently insisted that Jimin and Taehyung would never do that, and that they did not seem to exhibit any signs of depression.”

“And, despite the lack of evidence to back up the claims other than pure intuition, you believed him and are currently studying the case right now.”

“…Yes.”

“On your own free time.”

“…Yes.”

“Please tell me that at least that Yonghi guy or whatever is helping you.”

“Yoongi was actually planning on starting his own investigation, if I hadn’t agreed. So, yes.”

Heejun still continues to look at you judgmentally, so you turn away.

“Well,” he says. “Suit yourself. Don’t forget: we got another briefing at 1.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

//

Friend opened a new shop !

“

So have any of you guys heard of Etsy? I actually didn’t know what it was until one of my friends opened up this like… shop on it. Or at least that’s how he describes it.

Anyways, I went on the website and it looks pretty cool. Kinda like a hipster E-bay and super (SUPER) artsy. My friend asked me to do a promo for him on here, so here it is:

https:/ /www .etsy .com/shop/JoonDaily

He likes to design his clothes and is practically a fashion snob in that respect, but his stuff (I hate to admit it) actually looks really nice… So y’all should go check it out!

”

3 comments

NamsgotJamz commented: Thanks for the shout-out, man. You’re a real     homie.

Guest commented: hey guys this rly worx i just made $89./hr part     time thanks to this check it out —> bit.ly/work@homescam

Pink_mario commented: what the fuck you never told me you were doing     promos, hit me up too. I’ll give you cookies.

The web page buffers for a while before the “no connection” sign comes up. You sigh, tuck your phone back into your pocket. The speeding subway car careens through the tunnel, heading towards Yoongi’s dorm. You check the time—5:06. You’re running a bit late, no thanks to Heejun.

“...the next stop is…”

You get up.

//

“So?” you say. “Come up with any new ideas?”

Yoongi shrugs. He’s still moody as ever—but now there’s this unsettling darkness about him. Determination. Vengeance. Everything brewing just beneath the surface of his pale skin, his lips thinned into a harsh line.

“I visited their dorm yesterday,” he says.

“Oh? How?”

“Got a key.” He flashes it at you before pocketing it. “Tae used to forget his all the time, so I ended up with a copy. Got it illegally replicated, but that’s beside the point.”

“Not sure if you were supposed to tell that to a cop, but okay.”

He gives you a wry smile. “But right now I consider you my partner in crime.”

You shrug. “Sure.”

“Anyways,” he says, brushing past you and towards the door. “I think that, before I say anything, you should go take a look, too. I saw some pretty… interesting things in there.”

Your chest constricts.

//

What I do in my Downtime

“

A few of you guys have been asking about what I do in my freetime/downtime—especially since I keep on telling you all that I have so much more of it now that I’m in college.

Well, most of the time I just sit in my dorm and blog, or I’ll go and hang out with my friends. Or I’ll hit the gym.

Recently, though, I’ve been getting kinda nostalgic for the old days—like, the way old days—so I’ve been kinda playing a few childhood games like Smash and Mario Kart. I actually just downloaded this PC version of Pokemon Emerald from, quite frankly, a sketchy website. I don’t think I got any viruses or anything, though. Hopefully.

So. Anyways. I really encourage people to join clubs—I’m part of a few myself—because they give you a community, and they’re always doing fun stuff so you’re never bored. Don’t be like me, though. Actually attend the meetings and get involved. I mean, I do attend some and such, but like… it’s a lot better to be really involved in one club. That’s when things get super fun, because then you really connect with everyone over that one interest….

In the meantime, you can catch me catching ‘em all…. In Pokemon Emerald (I haven’t started it yet, been kinda busy. But I’ll begin it next week and maybe post about my progress on here?)!

”

2 comments

Guest commented: COME TO THE NEXT MODEL UN MEETING, SLACKER!!!     We’ll kick you from the next conference otherwise >:(

jungl3-c00kie5 commented: wow college sounds lik so much fun. lmao nxt yr     vs me in smash ill shcool u also how much can you benchpress jw

//

“Just before we go in,” you say, “I just wanted to let you know that I brought their file with me.”

Yoongi nods wordlessly and pushes the door open. “Okay.”

“And according to the file, Taehyung was genderfluid.”

“And?” The door squeaks open. Just as the files say, there appear to be no signs of a struggle; it’s disorderly, yes, but nothing seems to be… violently tossed about. No blood on the walls, or scuffs in the paint.

“He was struggling with his sexual identity and appeared to be having trouble coming to terms both with himself and his parents.”

Yoongi looks annoyed. “Look, I know what you’re thinking, but he—he was making it, okay? He was doing well, and we were working on it, and he was slowly just getting his parents to understand.”

“And do you know if he ran into any...problems shortly before his suicide? His parents didn’t tell the cops anything of the sort—but maybe you know?”

“No,” he says bluntly. “I don’t know, but I doubt there wasn’t much of anything. Not when he had so much to live for.”

He leads you into their living room. There are no bodies, but the sense of horror is still in the room, lingering by the ceiling fan. Silently. You and Yoongi both know it and wordlessly move onto their shared bedroom.

“Yoongi,” you say, softly. His back faces you. “I know this might sound a bit… rude but… are you sure you aren’t in… denial?”

He flinches. His fists clench. You steel yourself. And then his fists unclench, and he takes a deep breath.

“Think what you want.”

You chew your bottom lip.

“Come on,” he says, jerking his chin over towards a desk. “I need to show you something.”

He heads over to a laptop, which sits open and blank. It’s been turned off. Yoongi slowly, deliberately pushes it aside, revealing a gray-black skid mark along the cream-colored wall.

“Here,” he says, pointing at the mark. “I was sent over here to help collect the valuables and have them shipped back to their families.”

You nod. “And so what’s so special about this mark?”

“It’s a long story, but in short, I’m 90% sure it’s from the laptop, which means that Jimin—that’s whose desk this is—must’ve like, pushed or thrown this thing against this wall to create such a mark. And like, he’s Jimin. He treasures his computer a lot. Hardly lets anyone touch it and is such a neat freak—like, look. He wipes his keyboard and screen daily. Not a speck of dust. Well, now there is, but before there wouldn’t be.”

Yoongi takes in a deep breath and you urge him to continue. “So he must’ve like, saw something or heard something frightening while on his computer… But I don’t know what. It must’ve been really scary, though.”

“Maybe he was watching horror movies? And this mark could’ve been there before either of them even moved into the apartment. Or it may have appeared during moving. How are you so sure?”

Yoongi shakes his head, slightly frustrated. “Jimin’s a wuss. He wouldn’t do that. And even if he did, he wouldn’t like, throw his computer. One time Jungkook pulled a scare prank on him, and all he did was scream at the screen and back away. This—it’s almost like….” Yoongi shakes his head. “It’s almost like he sensed danger from the computer itself.”

He pauses and meets your skeptical gaze. “Oookay. But that still doesn’t explain how you know that it came from the laptop, and was pretty recent.”

He shrugs. “I’ve done tests. I’ll submit them to you later.”

You narrow your eyes. “Sure, I’ll take a look at them.” You lean in, study the skid mark. Straighten up. “Okay,” you say. “So let’s just go along with this theory you’ve got here. Jimin sees something on his screen, sense his computer is a dangerous object, gets scared, throws and-or pushes it against the wall out of fright. What did he see? And what happens after that? Something crawls from the screen and hangs both him and his roommate?”

Yoongi sighs and deflates slightly. “It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

You say nothing.

“Hey, you know,” he says. “You said you brought the files, right? Mind if I take a look at them?”

“You’re technically not allowed to,” you reply. “But if it helps us both, then I don’t mind sharing information. You just need to ask for it specifically.”

“Fair enough.”

//

“He had a blog?”

“You know, for someone who claims to be his best friend, I’m very surprised to know that you didn’t know he had one,” you say. “I mean, so many of his other friends did.”

“I mean like, I did, but I thought it was just some kind of hipster-fluffy-animals Tumblr kind of blog, not like, a legit blog!” Yoongi sounds astounded. “Damn.”

“Well, now you know.”

“Hold up,” he says. “Let me—lemme check this out. How many entries have you read up to?”

“There’s only twenty-four. I’ve read through most of them. Want to look at the rest together? The ones at the beginning didn’t really say much at all.’

“Okay.”

He chuckles at the screen as it loads, comments how the layout is “so Jimin.” He visits the Etsy link, blanches, exits. Most of posts are, just as the file says, carefree and loose.

My new Addiction

“

Oh god, I think I’m addicted to Pokemon now. I’ve only just started Emerald and already I’ve got like, 10 hours on the game. Fuck. Thankfully midterms are over but still…

(I even got my roommate hooked LOL)

Anyways, since we’ve already played this game before, my roomie and I are having a race to see who can beat it the fastest. Loser has to do chores for a week and make food. I’ve invested so much money in repellant it’s ridiculous… but hopefully I’ll be able to make it to the Elite Four like, tomorrow. Maybe.

Oh—almost forgot. I don’t know, maybe it’s because it’s a PC version and such, but this copy of the game has got some really cool (and slightly creepy) mods. And glitches. Like some of the music gets played backwards—especially Lavender Town’s. Man, that is creepy as fuck, lol. And what’s really cool, though, is that some of the people you fight against will have more than 6 pokemon. Like, there was this dude who had 10 magikarps LMFAO.

For any of you guys wanting to play this version (some of you have asked me for the download link and I’ll post that later) just know that sometimes Pokemon in your party will get swapped out/go missing… so always make sure to save!

”

2 comments

tea-HYUNG commented: wtf investing in repellant is such a good idea     THANKS FOR THE IDEA MAN NOW GET READY FOR AN ASS WHOOPING TOMORROW BC     GUESS WHOSE GOING TO BEAT HTE ELITE 4 B4 YOU?!!! Thaats rite me ho

jungl3-c00kie5 commented: lul kek

After that, the entries stop. There are no other updates after that date… And, with a twisting feeling in your gut, you note the post was made the day right before his death.

Yoongi knows it too, as his breathing stills for a second and he backs away slightly. “This—this is going to sound kind of crazy,” he says. “But do you think… the game… had anything to do with their deaths?”

“You think this is the thing that Jimin saw?”

“I—I don’t know!”

“It’s literally a rip-off Pokemon game. How… Would this kill them? In any way? And it’s two of them, mind you. Plus, to hang them…” You shake your head. “None of this is making sense. I’m sorry.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare at the ground.

“That brings me to another point, Yoongi.” He doesn’t respond, still lost in thought. You gently prod him on the shoulder.

“Yoongi?”

“Hm?” He looks at you from the corner of his eye.

“Can I ask you something?”

“What?” He looks away but this time you know he’s listening.

You take in a breath. “How did you know to go to their place at half-past midnight?”

//

Jimin groans and cracks his neck, flexes his fingers, knocks back a Coke. The taste is getting a bit overly sweet and the fizz is practically gone from sitting out so long, but he drinks it anyway. Outside, the insistent pitter-patter of rainfall threatens to lull him to sleep but he resists, shifting his position. He’s finally made it to the Elite Four, and there’s no way he’s calling it quits now. Not when he’s so close, and when he knows that Taehyung’s also hard at work playing in the living room.

Ah, rivalry. Jimin tips back his near-empty Coke can, tosses it towards the trash can. He misses. Shrugs. He’ll clean that up later—right now, he’s got to focus on beating the game. His PC finally manages to load up the scene, and, unsurprisingly the music is backwards. He rolls his eyes and turns his volume way down; it’s past midnight and he’s really not in the mood for creepy glitches right now.

The battle begins. The first of the Elite Four sends out her Pokemon and the sound it makes is uncharacteristically loud—especially with his volume turned down so low—and strangely, vaguely reminds him of a twisted cry.

It’s hard, no doubt. His Pokemon are pitifully underleveled—a downside to avoiding all possible confrontation and rushing through the game—and he’s only got a few potions and full revives on hand.

“Come on,” Jimin says under his breath. “I need that critical hit—gimme that critical hit, you can do it, I believ—YES!” He jumps up in his seat, ecstatic.

When he gets to Lance, however, Jimin is more than irked. First of all, Lance isn’t supposed to be in this game; the Dragon-type specialist is supposed to be Drake. However, that’s not what’s bothering him—what’s really pissing him off is the fact that all six of the Pokemon in his party have been replaced with unknowns. His annoyance increases when he realizes the unknowns spell out “UR DEAD.”

Seriously? What kind of sick joke was this? This was probably one of those dumb glitches or mods—only this time it came at one of the worst times. He’s practically blanching at the thought of having to restart and fight the other Elites all over again—especially since the main reason why he’s made it so far is purely by chance. And an immense amount of luck.

“Of course I’m dead now,” Jimin hisses at the screen. “All I’ve got are unknowns! You can’t expect me to go into this fight and win, especially since I don’t have Rayquaza with me now…” He glowers angrily at the Pokemon.

Internally, Jimin fights a raging battle. To restart or not to restart? He chews the inside of his cheek.

“Fuck it, ‘m goin’ in.”

He’s probably going to have to restart the game anyway, so he may as well give it a go. Maybe he’ll luck out.

The battle begins, and the music changes.

Lance sends out his first Pokemon—except, to his pure, unadulterated horror, Jimin sees himself and Taehyung. Bloodied and lifeless. The sound the thing unleashes is eerily akin to screams of terror, shrieks of pain. A violent shudder runs down his spine and, throat dry and heart pounding, he shoves his laptop away from himself.

It makes a loud thump against the wall; the screen flickers. Jimin stands up, staring wide-eyed at the screen. When it flickers back again, the image of him and Taehyung is no longer there. In its place is Lance’s signature Dragonite. No blood, no shrieking noises. Just an orange, big-eyed dragon. Jimin blinks, slowly. Was he—was he imagining things?

In the next room he can hear Taehyung curse out loud. He’s fine. It’s okay. He was just seeing things; sleep deprivation does that to you. He knows—he read it in a psych textbook once. Shakily, Jimin sits back down in his chair, carefully drags his laptop towards him.

It’s just a game, he tells himself. And it’s in his computer. Like, what’s it going to do to him? Flash the Blue Screen of Death? He laughs nervously. It’s fine, he’ll be fine, he just needs to finish the game… And then he can go over and gloat to Taehyung and they can laugh about all the dumb glitches. Yeah—that’s right. That’s what’s going to happen.

\\

Thirty minutes later, Jimin stretches back in his seat, a happy—albeit tired—grin on his face. The final Pokemon screeches in defeat before disappearing into the ground. He’s finally beaten the Elite Four—somehow.

With a jump in his step, he triumphantly skips—and almost trips over various objects—to the living room, where he knows Taehyung will be sitting on the couch, PC in his lap, still furiously battling the Elite Four. He’s practically giddy with the thought of getting to see the defeated, disbelieving look on his roommate’s face.

Jimin sucks in a deep breath, grasps the handle, and throws the door open.

“Hey Tae? Guess wha—oh...fuck.”

He stares, horrified, at the shadowy, limp, very Taehyung-shaped body that swings ominously from the ceiling fan.

And then when he feels the foreign touch of fingers—no, those are bones, he realizes—on his shoulder and the brush of a skull against his cheek, he knows that he’s next.

The rough squeeze of the noose and the sudden up-and-down drop from the ceiling fan cut off his screams before they can begin.

Darkness is all that’s left.

//

Yoongi’s silent for a moment. And then, quietly, without moving to catch your eye, “What does the file say?”

You flip it open. “It says that you were going to sleep at their place after coming back from a party. Both because of the proximity and to allow your own roommate some… privacy.”

You look up at him, raise a brow. “But was that all it? The timing is almost impeccable. The coroner said they’d only been strangled for a minute or two before you’d found them. Granted, the nooses weren’t the best, but still.”

“I don’t know,” he says. “I mean, yeah, I was planning to crash at theirs after my roomie told me he was going to take some girl home, but I also felt this thing deep down telling me that something was really, really wrong. Call it a sixth sense or intuition or what—I just really felt a need to check on them.” He pauses, takes in a deep breath. “It sounds suspicious, I know. But just to be clear, I have an alibi.”

You nod. “I know. Otherwise I wouldn’t be so willing to help you.”

He swallows, then gestures at Jimin’s computer. “Um, so, about that game he was playing… He never got around to posting the download link, but I happen to know the password to his computer…”

“You’re planning to play that game?” You put a hand on your hip. “How do you know it’s still on there?”

“I don’t, but it won’t hurt to check.”

“So let me get this straight, Yoongi: you’re saying that this thing is the reason why your friends were found hanging from the ceiling fan? That this was the thing that nearly killed them?” You gesture at the computer.

He shrugs. “I mean, what else do we have?”

“That’s true, but…”

“All that’s left is to play and see. What’s there to lose?” Yoongi shakes the mouse and boots up the PC.

You roll your eyes. Whatever. “Who knows?”

//

Three hours later, and the two of you have yet to encounter any of the glitches that Jimin reported.

“That’s weird,” you say. “Could it be possible he may have been exaggerating them a bit…?”

Yoongi reaches back and scratches his head. “I don’t think so… But at the same time I can’t come up with any other reasonable explanation as to how this is so different…”

You shrug. “I don’t know—maybe giving all that suspense attracted more blog viewers. People do strange things to attract more views, you know. Just saying.”

Yoongi seems reluctant and lost. “Maybe there was something wrong with the wiring that would explain some of the sounds…” He continues to mutter to himself, checking the sides of the PC before picking it up entirely. “But how does the ethernet wire affect the speakers? Maybe I can take it over to the Geek Squad at Best Buy or something…”

You sigh, check the time. “It’s getting late, Yoongi. I’m sorry, but I think I need to go. If you want, we could schedule another meeting next week? I’ll see if I can pull any more information from the servers.”

He nods absentmindedly. “Same place, same time? Wait, no actually, can we do it a bit later? Like, is 7 okay? I know it’s going to be dark and all but…”

“Sure.”

//

The final Pokémon faints, fades away, before the triumphant, happy music comes in. You yawn, stretch back in the chair. Behind you, with his legs crossed and elbows propped on the armrests, Yoongi lounges in his seat, thinking.

“So I guess that confirms it.”

You blink at him. “Confirms what? That I suck at Pokemon? It’s not my fault that you’re so crap at levelling them up—the only one above level 20 is your starter! How the hell am I supposed to fight a team of level 25 Pokemon with this mess?”

“No, not that,” Yoongi says. “And by the way, I don’t normally do that. It’s only that way since I was just messing around—wasn’t taking the game all that seriously.”

“Oh.”

“But anyways, back to the point. I was playing this game on and off through the week, sometimes alone, other times with friends and… I noticed that… the glitches only happened when I was alone…” He looks down. “And…”

“And?”

“And at one point… when one of the guys sent out a Pokemon… I could’ve sworn for a second there that... Instead of a Pokemon, it was a picture of me… except, well, bloodied. Brutally.” Yoongi swallows. “But it quickly disappeared right after a friend of mine walked into the room… Everything went normally after that. But um, I’m really really sure I wasn’t imagining it. I think I’m probably going to post on the forums and see if anyone else experiences something similar… I tried searching for stuff and the original file of this game but not only was I unable to find it, but for some reason the file is locked. Encrypted. I can’t get to it without a password, and I have no idea what it could be. Fortunately, I have a few friends who are heavily involved in cyber, so after we finish examining this game, I was planning to call them and have them help me somehow upload the game onto an online download link so we as a community can post about our experiences and stuff. Y’know?”

He fiddles with his fingers. Your eyes narrow.

“Anyways,” he says, “We should probably finish up with this game anyways. You wanna continue playing or...”

When you don’t answer, he prods you on the shoulder. “Hello?”

“As I thought,” you say, “You’re too dangerous.”

He gives you a confused, slightly suspicious look. “What?” You whip your head around, get out of your seat.

“Nevermind that,” you say, and, quickly, before he can attempt anything, shove a cupcake-shaped stress reliever—it had been sitting on the desk—into his mouth and quickly straddle him, holding his wrists together in one hand with a vice-like grip. He makes incoherent noises as he attempts to fight you off.

“It’s too bad, Yoongi,” you say, as you fumble out the length of rope with your free hand. “If you hadn’t been so adamant about it all, we could’ve avoided this fate. But the thing is you didn’t—you continued to meddle and stick your nose into something that you shouldn’t have. And now, unfortunately, you are going to have to be—well, silenced.” His movements are getting more frantic now.

“Min Yoongi,” you continue, as you swiftly—or as quickly as you can manage with one hand—loop together a noose, “a college student overcome with grief upon losing his two closest friends. After countless hours of research that ultimately led to nothing, he succumbed and hung himself in the very room his late friends took their lives in. How unfortunate.”

You gently place the noose around his neck. He fights hard against you, hands desperately trying to pry themselves from your grip. You giggle.

“That’s not going to work, you see. The undead have much greater strength with the benefit of having no muscle to tire out.” As you speak, a beam of moonlight filters in through the window and reveals you for what you really are: the human skin and flesh disappears under the silvery rays, leaving nothing behind but knotted and rotting bones. A skeleton, with no fingerprints to leave behind or heart to feel emotions.

His struggles stop abruptly as fear overtakes his body. You give him a lopsided grin. “Goodbye, Min Yoongi.”

//

Inside the University Hospital, on the fourth floor, two heart monitors beep. Their slow, mechanical sounds echo off of the walls, seeping through the cracks and diffusing in the stale air. The place smells of antiseptic.

The monitors continue to beep. In unison, the spacing between each sound growing longer and longer until finally, there’s one long, unfaltering beep that continues for nearly a minute.

And then there is nothing at all.

a/n: @goldfishh , after reading this: What The Fuck

helloooo i have a chem test in two days that i know nothing about it’s chill. so. many. projects. holy shit. and then exams starting next week fuuuun

anyways if you watched the video this was based off (it’s hilarious--it’s supposed to be a parody of bad creepypastas) then like. maybe the ending was kinda obvious lol

tbh if it was up to me (like if i weren’t trying to base it off the video) then the ending would have been much different. you, for one, would not have turned into a skeleton lmFAO

[ih8me2ash]

⌜ F U C K ⌟

Guess who's back just for a ranting post to make people feel so bad for me. 

Sike

 I just got a bitch about something because I'm pretty sure you all really do miss me. If not I don't care anymore, But just saying this and this only. Fuck my real family at this point, you heard me I don't care about them besides my brother. I don't want to be bothered by them anymore.

***A little bit of back story, My bio baby hotel of a mother who has abused me since I was five, and neglected me since I was born. started deadnaming me and stalk my Facebook page and stealing my profile pics and claiming she is worried about me being dead? Harassing my friends and my adopted family about the fact that someone I guess told her I was dead? Why should she fucking care? I told her to get a life because I know she hasn't and blocked her because that was so annoying to wake up too.***

Let’s just start off saying, at this point in knowing my mother on a personal level I really should have seen this coming from her. Like she’s not uncommon to this whole tactic of when other people are doing “well” for themselves she has to try to bring them down to her level and make them suffer as much as her. I’m just really upset that she can act like she ever gave a shit about me when in reality she’s just guilty for what she did and let what happened to me. I know I am are aware of how much I am scared of being like her, she’s such a toxic person and I feel like prodigy coming out of her womb. Because I’ve changed for the better but she only knows how to change for the worst. And at this point, I’m just so tired trying with her. Do I feel like shit giving up on her? Yeah, but she gave up on me first and I feel like she doesn’t even understand how much as an adult that effects me. I’m scared to cry in front of people, in front of any of my friends because of what she’s done to me. I have nightmares of when she would beat me almost to death, and now she’s worried if I’m alive??? I’m calling her on this bullshit she’s trying to pull, she was never a good mother and she’s trying to prove it again. And honestly, I’m just old enough to see through the facade. I’m not her puppet anymore, I’m just pissed she’s trying this all right now for me to pity her. And I’m not biting, for all I care she could just drop off the face of the earth again.

I’m glad she went to jail, just mad they let her fucking stupid greedy ass out. And I doubt she has been looking for me because if she was she would have already found me. She is not looking for me, she is getting a needle probably shoved in her fucking arm in a back alley with some more homeless people. She has never tried for me, I did so much for her as a kid. And what did I get back? That bitch’s backhand, I’m bigger now so let’s see her crack ass try that with me now. I gave her to many chances then I should have had, and that's why I’m calling her greedy because she wants more spins on my wheel. She’s just a selfish person, like the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my whole life, and she has pride calling herself my mother? It really does disgust me. She is a complete headache, and knowing that she’s “worried” about me? It’s almost laughable, she wasn’t worried then she isn’t allowed to be worried now. Even further in the future, I’m an adult now. I don’t need her anymore, I didn’t need her in the first place. I might have my scars but I did best trying to survive. Even with the abuse and neglect, and she’s going to play the victim card and that she is just such an innocent person, my ass and she can fucking kiss it. If she can even get close to me which is 0 out of 100. I’m not going to give her a charity anymore. I’m not a fucking prize pony, I’m not that child anymore fill with sympathy and being so empathetic to her.

She doesn’t get a single brownie point from me, I know I sound so heartless to my mother, and yeah some of these things hurt talking about but it needs to be said. I’m not going to lie, I’m glad she gave birth to me, I wouldn’t have met the people who actually care about me, or like have friends like Rob, Bee, and Dan, but I’m not grateful of how she raised me. And I’m tired of hearing from other people who don’t know her as I knew her: “Oh, she was trying.” or “She was a struggling mother.” My ass, she was a stupid whore of a woman who could never keep her damn legs close long enough to give a shit about her living status to wonder if having a new breathing living thing was a good thing or not. She should have never had me to be honest but I'm happy I’m here now. Just wish I didn’t belong to that family, I’m happy with the new family now...

How the hell could you also forgive her? She was just horny to have any of her kids and when she realized no one wanted to be with her she gave up on them because once again she was fucking selfish, fuck mother's day. I didn't get her shit, because I feel like it would have broken out into something I didn't want to even deal with. That family is so dysfunctional and I was right, I knew if I look back to them I would of realize how better off I am to move on while they're still digging their own holes. I'm normal enough and if I'm not I have people who support me. People love me, they love Ashton, me, and if not? Who cares, I have a backbone now. You don't know how much I've started to take care of myself for the better in this life I've made. And guess what? I didn't cheat or lie to get it my way, shit just happens. Sure I was dealt a terrible hand but I'm accepting it to play my cards right now. No thanks to my real mother.

I've got this, I don't need you. I'm proud of who I am, and I'm not looking back anymore just looking forward. Don't pull me back because you're jealous. I was just tired of giving you so much of my time when it's so apparent that you didn't give two shits about what I was offering and when I have no more left to give you're crying my name and "searching for me" good luck with that. But that's what you get for biting the hand that fed you so many times. I did feel bad about you once when I still believed my mother would love me no matter what, I even use the same excuse of you not being on your pills. You were, just not the ones that were prescribed to you. I'm just tired of lying to myself that you're ever going to be a good mother, I think I've cried so much about that for so long, that you even being in my life is just so painful. Because I know you're just going to try to use me and then I'm stuck in that loop again with you.

It's just a sense of acceptance, I'm not that little kid anymore praying to God that my mom will come back to me better and healthy. And I'm not going to sit here and lie about it, I still do love you you're my mom but I just can't love you is the point. It's just that you're so self-destructive and so unaware of everything around you that if something seems odd you try to hurt it. And I was one of those victims to it, you hurt me for so many years physically and mentally and I don't think I could ever forgive you. So I have to choose not to love you for my own safety and my own mental and health benefits. And honestly, I never say these things to not encourage people to get better, it's just some of my own personal beliefs that you can't. I think you wasted too much of my time in my life that it's just easy to accept those beliefs. Because every time you try to pull me back in you're still doing the same thing, even when I acknowledge you. It's not like I have a title to keep up, to be honest, I'm pretty sure everyone in my real family still calls me the same exact thing. And they'll think this is another attempt to lash out at them when I really don't care that they have their panties in a bunch. It's just you jeopardize my title completely, but I can erase that that's my own decision and I'm so terribly sorry that you can't accept that. That was sarcasm by the way. I would never apologize to you because I know you'll never apologize to me. And for what it's worth you can keep it and use it for something to blow your nose with when you're done fake crying at you're own pity party.

And there is just too long of a list for your apologies, like neglecting me, beating me, insulting me, basically physically and mentally corrupting my mind at such a young age that sometimes as an adult it's really hard for me to function. Let's not even start with how many birthdays you missed after I grew up in my adolescence, not even accepting me for who I was even when I told you who I wanted to be. If you can't accept that your child wants to be your son and no longer your daughter I don't know how cruel you could be. Honestly, when we had that last fight, that's when I think that was where I realized there was nothing left to fight for with you. I think I lost you then. How can you apologize for so many years of trauma I have to work on now? The answer, you can't. You chose this life over making mine loving and cared for. You didn't pick me. Live with that. Goodbye.

That was a nice thing to get off my chest, catch yall on the flip side.

- ａｓｈｔｏｎ ♡

[lostsummerdayz]

Combo Breaker 2018: A Retrospect

Original Date: 06/02/18 Author’s Note: This was done a full week after Combo Breaker because I caught the illest post-con/post-tournament sickness and it was terrible. So worth it, but terrible. In any case, I had so much fun at Combo Breaker and even more fun recalling everything that happened. Not much to really say, I’ll let the article do the talking. This is a VERY long read. Over 2500 words to be exact.

The Combo Breaker weekend passed just as quickly as it had arrived, like a tornado hitting the Windy City. Rather, the outskirts of the Windy City, in a small suburb known as St. Charles. Regardless where it had taken place, Combo Breaker was, without a doubt, the best tournament I have ever attended. Before I go into my thoughts and retrospect, as well as my teammates thoughts, I want to give a huge shout-out to Rick for hosting such an event. I’d also like to give a shout out to the bracket runners, game leads, vendors, artists, and anyone else in charge of making sure the event ran as smoothly as possible.

That Friday morning, I woke up at 1, filled with energy uncommon for one who awakens at 1 in the morning. I would have several more hours to go until I’d leave my apartment to catch my flight at LaGuardia so I could have caught up on more sleep if I wanted to. Adrenaline said otherwise. Combo Breaker would have been my first major in which I went out of state for. As I’ve said in a previous article, my first ever major was Defend the North, but it was literally an hour away from me as far as commute goes. I didn’t stay at a hotel, I simply went back and forth from my apartment to the Crowne Plaza over there. This was a much bigger deal for me, however, as I would meet so many people I would never have had the chance to. As this would be my first Combo Breaker, I didn’t know what to expect, yet the stories I’ve heard about Combo Breaker made me excited to experience such a thing within a few hours.

Unfortunately, everything came to a halt when I arrived at O’Hare. See, I planned my original flight to arrive at 10:30 so I could catch the shuttle bus to Combo Breaker. What happened instead, was I arrived at 9:30 because I didn’t consider Central time. Central Time and Eastern Time are an hour apart, so I was a full hour ahead of the bus. Better early than late, sure, but it left me more anxious to see what Combo Breaker had to offer.

When I finally arrived at the resort, it was one of the most beautiful venues I’ve been to, just looking at it from the outside. There was as much road as far as the eyes could see, the air was humid and the temperature was warm. Entering the venue, it lived up to the name of it being a resort. Indoor pools, window-side seating to have a better view of the golf course resort, various food courts and even a mini bar. The place was very huge. Huger than I initially imagined. I eventually, after some walking, found where Combo Breaker took place and after I picked up my badge, I took in the scenery.

The quietness of the resort clashed with the absolute noisy atmosphere of the main event area. People from all over walked about, conversated with others and played games on various setups whether it was tournament matches or casuals. To the right of me was the stage where people played on the stream station. It was there I saw the Tekken area and how massive the Tekken area was. With over 488 competitors, I’d expect a large mass of people, but it almost felt overwhelming. The event space was so huge, there were crowds just as big as the Tekken crowd, in other corners of the event stage, from the anime fighters to King of Fighters to Street Fighter V. There were also vendors right by the entrance who sold arcade parts, offered arcade stick mods, merch tables, and various beta build stations for games such as Fighting Layer EX, Soul Calibur 6, and BlazBlue Cross Tag.

Across the Megacenter area, there was a small yet almost as big gaming area where there were even more casual setups, a BYOC [Bring your own console] setup, where people played all types of games, and arcade cabinets from old school games such as Tempest, to pinball machines. Smaller games like Smash and Vampire Savior were also ran here for tournaments.

It was at this moment I knew that Combo Breaker was far from just a fighting game tournament, it was a video game convention as well. This realization didn’t hit me until the final day of Combo Breaker when I met this man, Demero, from Milwaukee. He was talking to me about one of the top Street Fighter V players, Smug, who I know of due to us both being from New York. He was telling me how respectful Smug was to his kids and how kind everyone was to each other, spectators and players alike.

On a grander scope, Demero also mentioned an interest on wanting to run events like these on a smaller scale back home, so he could potentially get the troubled youth of Milwaukee off the streets. Being I’m also from New York, the same as Smug, I take for granted just how many tournaments and locals there are here. But in a place like Milwaukee, grassroots events that could be started by a man with an ambition, may very well give troubled youth an outlet to stay off the streets, out of trouble, and hold a controller instead of a weapon.

A sentiment was also shared with Markman and Tasty Steve who I had the pleasure to talk to that Friday evening. They stressed the importance of tournaments where anyone can enter, play, and overall link up with other players who share the same passion as them. It isn’t about the winning or the losing, it’s all about learning and personal growth. It’s all about finding that connection with others to not only help you get better as a player but also as a person.

Steve was more passionate in the notion of locals being a cornerstone in the FGC, as he feels without people showing up to tournaments and their local tournaments, it won’t thrive as much within the upper echelon.

Markman was also a firm believer in encouraging players who believe that they cannot keep up with the top players due to their insecurities, to come out to the event anyway. No one can get better or level up if they limit themselves from doing so. Between talking to these two gentlemen on Friday and talking to Demero on Sunday, as well as others who only attended as a spectator to soak up the atmosphere and good vibes, it made me realize that the FGC extends far beyond simply competing. It exists for the love of the community whether you play the game competitively or not.

With that outlook in mind, winning wasn’t a goal in mind anymore. It was simply a question on how much I could learn and how far can what I already know take me. When I finally met Ando that Friday, he had a similar sentiment. As in the previous article, this was our first time in entering Combo Breaker and he was just as amazed at the venue and excited to play against others as I was, including how well run it was. We took pictures with the Tekken developer, Katsuhiro Harada, and saw some of the matches of Friday’s pools, before we briefly went our separate ways. Coincidentally, later on that night, we ran into each other again as we both had the same idea to get some last-minute casuals in before our matches.

That was another beautiful thing about the venue. Since it was 24 hours, and with over two thousand entrants, there were always people who were down to play games, no matter what time it was. Ando and I stayed until a quarter to 1, playing whoever we could, but the next night I stayed up well until 3 AM. It didn’t matter the time. The event halls were just as packed as it was if you arrived at 3 PM and for good reason. Playing offline against others is a luxury, as anyone who had dealt with the dreadfulness of online could tell you.

Saturday was the big day for the both of us, as our pools began two hours from each other, with Ando’s pool starting before mine. He was relatively nervous. The shark in the pool he was most concerned with was Victim of Ritual, a well-known Nina player known for his “pitbull-like” offense. The sharks in the water for my pool, in my opinion, was Swagmaster, who was known for her Miguel, and Ace Unlimited, a known Mishima player known for his explosive playstyle. For the former, I’ve had almost no experience with Miguel, so I wouldn’t have known what to do or what to expect. Mishima characters were always characters I’ve struggled with, so the fact that a high-level player was also swimming in the waters didn’t help me much.

The main conflict for Ando was whether to choose between using Paul or Geese. Both characters he felt comfortable with, but it boiled down to which character he felt ready to use in a tournament setting. While Geese has been used more and he has had more success with him, Paul was far easier to play for him. However, since his Paul shown signs of rust due to using Geese more, it was all about weighing pros and cons.

What I felt was nervousness all around because much like he has Geese, I had Kazumi who I wasn’t confident enough to use in the tournament. But she was always an option for me. I made the mistake of second guessing myself so I stuck with who I already know. The irony in that statement, was that if I could do one thing differently, I would have played Kazumi when I was down 1.

Ando plowed through his bracket, with the most notable adversary, Fred Distance, standing in his way. A clutch rage driver from his Paul clinched a tight victory and earned him the right to grant his wish. To play Victim of Ritual. On stream.

Naturally whatever nervousness he felt only amplified, with him only telling me that he’s not going to pay attention to the crowd behind him, and only focus on the game ahead of him. With his music playing through his earphones, he fought a hard-fought battle but ultimately fell 2-0 against him. Since this was winner’s finals, he still performed well enough to make it out of first phase of pools which meant he played later on that evening.

As far as my performance, I immediately lost to a Nina who I didn’t know even existed, M A D W A K. I was disoriented, because not only was I mentally prepared even though I played more than enough casuals, but the first lost took a lot out of me to the point where I gave up the second game freely. My biggest fear was going 0-2 in the tournament altogether, and going 0-2 in the very first match and getting sent to losers was not a good outlook for me. I had to snap out of it for my first game in losers, who I defeated soundly and was enough for a confidence boost. The second and third matches, a Katarina and a King respectively, was claimed without much difficulty although both players were good.

My biggest win of the pool was a rematch against M A D W A K, in which not only I was high off adrenaline for playing three straight, but after suffering a loss on stream against Swagmaster, I was more than ready for my revenge. And revenge I got. I switched my playstyle greatly to the point where it was too overwhelming for him and defeated him soundly, 2-0, just as he had defeated me 0-2, only this time I eliminated him from the tournament altogether. My momentum was cut short as I lost my loser’s semi’s match against Cade, effectively eliminating me. I was one win away from making it out of pools. Still, I had a damn good run in losers and I couldn’t be prouder of myself in how I did being it was my first Combo Breaker. Again, my only regret was not giving Kazumi a chance. I finished 97th which out of 488 people is nothing to cry about. I know I can do better next time, however.

Ando’s first match for the second pool was against Shirdel, an Alisa player from the UK, who quickly eliminated Ando from the tournament. At first, we both did not know who Shirdel was, but after researching him, he’s a pretty dominant force in London. Ando mentioned to me that Shirdel’s Alisa was unlike any he had ever played before, so he handled the matchup in a way which he tried to adapt to his playstyle, but he couldn’t no matter how hard he fought. Later on that night, when a friend and I were at the bar talking to another UK Tekken player, we both admitted that we did not know many of UK’s players, but UK and other European Tekken players were definitely of the silent killer majority. Europe in the FGC in general is an often-overlooked continent filled with so many hidden talents that takes so many by surprise. However, Ando couldn’t be too upset in how he performed. He felt like he could have done better, but he was more focused for the future regarding CEO and learning from the other players at Combo Breaker. Still, placing 65th, just shy of top 50, despite dealing with nerves, wasn’t a bad outing for the big guy. This is a reoccurring theme, but much like how I felt I should have gone Kazumi, his regret was not going Geese and instead sticking with Paul.

Decisions like these matter more than one would think. In a massive tournament like this, all it takes is two losses for it to be all over. I didn’t want to make any risky decisions that I would regret later, so I felt choosing Kazumi in my situation vs Cade would have been too risky as I wasn’t confident in her as I was in my main, Eddy. Ando had a similar sentiment when he insisted on sticking with Paul than going to Geese.

After several nights of reflection and playing casuals against people from all over the world including GoAttack, the Korean Master Raven player who made top 8, Ando feels ready for CEO. Combo Breaker humbled him as a player in regard to not only seeing his flaws, but also not caring whether a person is younger, older, or from another country. Each player should be taken as a threat whether you know them or not and that mentality shaped him into training and preparing for CEO.

One of the things I expect Ando will do differently, aside from soaking in character knowledge, is alter his mental psyche of playing against people in tournaments. I always felt as a competitor, 90% of the gameplay comes from your mind. Your mental cognition is what makes or breaks you. Limits or excels past your limitations. While he wasn’t upset with how he performed, knowing that he could do better is what prepares him for his hopeful comeback in CEO. I honestly cannot wait for that to take place and I will be cheering him on as well as Tunk.

P.S: Jeondding we gonna cross paths again at Summer Jam guaranteed (I hope)

Original article: https://www.teamunbroken.com/combo-breaker-article

[oovitus]

Delirium in Hospitalized Seniors: The Power of HELP

Donamarie Wilfong’s mother, Katie

“My mother is an amazing woman. She’s talkative, not big about going out on the town, but has the best personality. She loves to read and watch mass on television. I never thought that she could so quickly change during one hospital stay,” says Donamarie N. Wilfong, VP of Simulation Education at Allegheny Health Network.

Donamarie’s mother, Catherine or “Katie,” is considered a high-functioning 92-year-old woman. Today, she lives on her own, with a little help from caregivers, in the family’s hometown of Johnstown. Although she’s now back to chatting with friends and watching her favorite television programs, she had to overcome some challenges during an 18-month period of being in and out of West Penn Hospital.

“To make sure my mother had care close to her family, we moved her from Johnstown to Pittsburgh,” Donamarie explains. “I think this move and the change of environment caused her to become confused and disoriented.”

As Katie faced health complications, one compounding factor was the onset of delirium starting to take hold of her vibrant spirit.

“She was totally not like my mother, at all,” Donamarie says. “She continued to call out, ‘I want to go home right now. I can’t hear. I can’t get up.’ It was hard for me because the mother I knew was never agitated like that.”

Delirium and Confusion in Seniors

What Katie and her family experienced is not uncommon. When senior citizens are battling health problems and then experience the additional stress of being placed in a different environment like a hospital, they can become susceptible to heightened confusion or delirium.

Not to be confused with dementia, delirium is a confused mental state that causes change in awareness and behavior and can result in problems surrounding attention, thinking, awareness, emotions and memory. Hypoactive delirium manifests in extreme fatigue and depression; hyperactive delirium takes the form of extreme agitation. Mixed delirium means cycling between the two states.

The symptoms of delirium can often be treated, and patients frequently see a full recovery. However, particularly if untreated, delirium can lengthen hospital stays and worsen the primary issue for admittance. Recent studies indicate that delirium is common for the elderly in a hospital setting, with occurrence rates ranging from roughly 30 to 65 percent.

In an effort to prevent delirium, West Penn Hospital provides patients with extra support through its Hospital Elder Life Program (HELP).

“I was watching my mother decline, and the next thing I know, this volunteer walked in, and she was able to bring something to my mother that I couldn’t,” Donamarie says.

HELP Arrives — and Katie Puts Her Lipstick Back On

Alyssa Brauckmann is a pre-med student attending Duquesne University. Her main focus areas are Alzheimer’s disease, dementia and delirium.

“It really hurts to think that someone could wake up to the person they love but don’t remember anymore,” she says. “I think you lose your freedom with Alzheimer’s, and if I can do my part in trying to fix that and alleviate that loss, that’s what I’m going to try to do.”

Alyssa Brauckmann, pre-med student at Duquesne University and volunteer with the HELP program

Alyssa was one of the first volunteers for HELP, which aims to engage and orient senior citizens to prevent delirium and assist them with general cognitive and physical abilities during their hospital stay.

“HELP was a perfect fit for me,” she says. “I feel as if I’m able to give back, hear these patients out and be a comfort in their time of need.”

Although comfort and a friendly face are important, HELP volunteers are purposeful and strategic in doing all they can to bring clarity and stability to patients.

“When I go into the room, I introduce myself, and the program, and mention that they’re at West Penn to serve as a reminder of where they are and why they are there,” Alyssa explains. “I run through what we’ll be doing together and bring magazines, books, coloring pages and puzzles. Most patients I’ve seen are just looking to talk to someone.”

She emphasizes that talking about family, background, and stories from the past are valuable in providing mental stimulation and orientation for the patient.

Donamarie witnessed the benefits of HELP for her mother, Katie.

“The volunteer brought along magnifying glasses, magazines, puzzles, and she sat down with my mother and calmed her down. She said, ‘I’m here to just visit with you,’” Donamarie says. “My mother is used to having people come in and out of her house, so it was easy for a visitor to become a familiar routine. Eventually, she would put lipstick on just for her HELP volunteer.”

Alyssa adds that the benefits of HELP go both ways.

“It’s so powerful to hear about the lives of these seniors,” she says. “I have heard stories about first loves, 60-year wedding anniversaries, World War II and the Great Depression. You learn a lot about the lives of these patients and their journeys.”

HELP by the Numbers

Originally designed at the Yale University School of Medicine, HELP was brought to West Penn in 2016, led by the efforts of Dr. Lyn Weinberg. The program now has more than 20 volunteers, coordinated by Autumn Corcoran, program director.

“We focus on senior patients who are older than 70 years, and are more prone to developing delirium,” Autumn says. “A potential trigger, among others, for delirium can be the change of environment which disrupts a patient’s normal routine.”

From its inception through the end of 2017, the program has touched the lives of nearly 2,000 patients, logging more than 35,000 patient interventions.

Volunteers of HELP undergo intense training to learn how to keep patients alert, oriented and engaged to prevent delirium from setting in during their stay. The goal is to create a friendlier and safer hospital environment by providing sympathetic support, encouragement and companionship to older patients and their families.

“In our volunteer orientation, we go over key questions to integrate into the conversation about ‘the basics’ to keep the patients oriented. We also focus on mindful, therapeutic activities like puzzles, games and daily newspapers,” Autumn says.

The program offers physical therapy courses to help volunteers assist with patients’ range of motion, while also training them to provide support with feeding and exercises.

“This program, to me, is a no-brainer,” Autumn says. “Prevention is what we have the ability to do and control, and our work has proven results when it comes to helping the patient while also impacting the hospital’s overall length-of-stay numbers.”

So far at West Penn, HELP has:

decreased average length of stay for patients by one day

decreased the delirium rate of the target group to 4.8 percent from 24 percent

delivered an estimated 12-month cost savings of more than $1 million

Of course, it’s the results that HELP delivers to people like Donamarie and Katie that matter most.

“Without the program, I don’t know if my mother would have been able to come back,” says Donamarie. “It might have increased her length of stay in the hospital. She was shutting down, she was agitated. HELP made her feel less frightened and less anxious, and they truly became partners in her care, mentally and physically. I can say as a family member, this program was invaluable.”

Delirium in Hospitalized Seniors: The Power of HELP published first on https://storeseapharmacy.tumblr.com

[ultrasfcb-blog]

World Cup 2018: Why England should take Joe Hart to Russia

World Cup 2018: Why England should take Joe Hart to Russia

World Cup 2018: Why England should take Joe Hart to Russia

Everybody who says Joe Hart shouldn’t be adequate to go to this summer season’s World Cup is lacking the purpose – the West Ham goalkeeper shouldn’t be England’s finest primary any extra, however he’s our greatest quantity three.

Primarily based on how effectively he’s enjoying, after all Hart shouldn’t be on the airplane to Russia. Out of all of the common goalkeepers in Europe’s high 5 leagues, there are solely two with a worse shot-to-save ratio this season.

West Ham keeper Joe Hart has saved 53 of the 91 photographs on course he has confronted within the Premier League this season. Of the 125 goalkeepers to have confronted 20 or extra photographs in Europe’s high 5 leagues – England, France, Spain, Italy and Germany – solely two have a worse save % – Southampton’s Alex McCarthy with 56.6% and Alberto Brignoli of Italian facet Benevento with 56.3%

Burnley’s Nick Pope, who realistically is Hart’s most important rival for a spot within the squad, is on the different finish of that scale. Whereas Hart has had a largely depressing season and made a number of apparent errors, Pope has had a tremendous one and been inspirational for his workforce.

However kind shouldn’t be the issue that England supervisor Gareth Southgate shall be contemplating when he makes his resolution about who shall be back-up to Jordan Pickford and Jack Butland, regardless of the whole lot Pope has going for him.

Nick Pope has the second-best save proportion within the Premier League this season, behind Manchester United goalkeeper David de Gea. He’s ranked fifth in that statistic in Europe’s large 5 leagues.

The function of a third-choice keeper at a significant match entails many issues, however they infrequently get on the pitch. Since 1934, solely 4 out of the 435 groups to compete at World Cup finals have used all three of their keepers – and the final workforce to do it had been Greece in 1994, after that they had been eradicated.

As a substitute of searching for somebody who may shine in the event that they get an opportunity, Southgate shall be searching for the appropriate character and somebody he can belief to help his team-mates and be a constructive affect on the entire squad.

That’s not enjoying down what the function entails, although. I’ve heard being the quantity three goalkeeper described as merely being a cheerleader however, having accomplished it at a significant finals myself, there’s a heck of much more to it than that.

Sure, you might be there to help the workforce, however you may be very influential whilst you do it. Don’t underestimate the job by pondering Hart would simply be going to Russia to assist out in capturing apply.

Hart’s kind irrelevant

Joe Hart watches as Peter Crouch pokes the ball house following a fumble from the England goalkeeper in West Ham’s draw with Stoke

It has been steered that Hart is enjoying his method out of Southgate’s plans for Russia with performances just like the one he put in against Stoke final week, when his fumble price West Ham a aim with the England supervisor watching on.

I do not assume that’s the case – nor does it matter that Hart can’t attempt to impress this weekend as a result of he’s ineligible to face Manchester Metropolis, his dad or mum membership.

The issues Southgate desires to see are extra to do with what he’ll get from Hart in a coaching camp with a tight-knit atmosphere, and he is aware of that already.

If he makes it, these shall be Hart’s fifth main finals and his third World Cup – he has been first selection in any respect of them aside from the 2010 World Cup, when he was third selection.

His expertise shall be invaluable to Pickford and Butland, who’ve performed at a number of age-group finals however have been to just one match at senior degree between them – in 2012, when John Ruddy’s damaged finger in coaching noticed Butland bumped up from the standby checklist.

Joe Hart has been in each squad Gareth Southgate has named as interim or everlasting England supervisor since he took cost in September 2016. Within the 16 video games that Southgate has been England supervisor, Hart has performed in 11 of them and the one aggressive recreation he has not featured in was the win over Lithuania in October 2017 simply after England had certified for the World Cup

I do know Southgate has proven himself to be a courageous supervisor who’s prepared to make modifications with a few of his choices, however that is barely totally different.

It comes all the way down to character, not capacity, and, regardless of calling Pope up into his final squad in March, Southgate can’t be certain of what he’s like when he’s away for 5 – 6 weeks – particularly in comparison with Hart.

On this scenario I might anticipate him to go together with what he is aware of.

Expertise can enhance the mix of the squad

If chosen, a lot of Hart’s work in Russia might come together with his fellow keepers on the coaching floor

The rating of first, second and third keeper in any squad is often clearly outlined, and they are going to be this time too. I believe Southgate will go for Pickford, Butland and Hart – in that order.

Not like any of the outfield gamers, the third-choice keeper doesn’t journey to any match anticipating to play, so Hart can have no illusions there.

He’ll concentrate on the dynamic that a group of keepers has at worldwide degree, and the half he has to play in it – which is to do the whole lot he can to help the primary and quantity two through the match.

Whereas the second selection is trying to excel in coaching and must be able to step in at nearly any time, together with throughout video games, the quantity three – or 23 when it comes to their ordinary shirt quantity – is often within the stand throughout matches.

Rachel Brown-Finnis gained 82 caps for England and went to 6 main tournaments. She was third selection at Euro 2001, second selection at Euro 2005, the 2011 World Cup and Euro 2013, and was England’s primary on the 2007 World Cup and Euro 2009

Hart can even be enjoying third fiddle to what the opposite two keepers want in coaching within the build-up to matches, however he’s nonetheless necessary due to his data – what he can counsel throughout these drills and likewise by providing some evaluation and suggestions earlier than and afterwards.

He would even be Pickford’s confidant, and his go-to particular person for data on eventualities that the younger Everton keeper has not been in earlier than.

Though it’s potential Pickford could not wish to search recommendation from Hart, it’s not even an possibility for him with Butland and Pope as the opposite keepers.

I additionally assume Hart would enhance the mix of the entire squad. One of many issues I like about Southgate is that he has given younger gamers and new faces an opportunity, however an skilled older participant can nonetheless deliver one thing to the combination if they’re nonetheless motivated.

I do not know him personally however I’m certain Hart’s angle is true. Southgate is aware of him effectively and he wouldn’t constantly decide him in any other case. Put all that collectively and he’s one of the best match to be the quantity three.

Who shall be England’s primary?

Joe Hart (second from left) has 75 England caps – the opposite three contenders have a complete of 9 between them. Jordan Pickford (far left) made his debut in opposition to Germany in November and gained his second cap in opposition to the Netherlands in March. He’s but to concede a aim for the senior England workforce

I’m an enormous fan of Pope, and put him on my shortlist for the participant of the season due to the influence he has had in his first marketing campaign within the Burnley workforce.

Whereas kind shouldn’t be necessary for the third-choice keeper, you could possibly undoubtedly argue that it ought to resolve who’s England’s primary.

On that foundation, Pope who can be first selection, not fourth. He has performed effectively constantly for the previous few months too, not only recently.

England goalkeepers 2017-18 Video games Clear sheets Targets conceded Photographs on course confronted Saves Save % Errors resulting in targets Jack Butland 32 5 58 189 133 69.31 1 Joe Hart 19 4 39 91 53 57.14 4 Jordan Pickford 35 9 54 167 114 67.66 0 Nick Pope 32 10 28 134 106 79.1 0

However it seems goalkeeper distribution is one thing that issues rather a lot to Southgate too, due to the best way he desires England to play.

That appears to provide Pickford the sting, as a result of he’s wonderful at it, and I might agree with that selection based mostly on the identical standards that Southgate is utilizing.

We don’t see Butland play out from the again fairly often for Stoke, or Pope for Burnley. Hart has by no means actually regarded comfy doing it, which is without doubt one of the causes his profession has stalled.

Pickford’s ability with his feet is his large energy over the opposite keepers however he’s additionally extraordinarily assured, which makes me assume he’s prepared for this stage. He doesn’t make many errors however I do not assume an error would faze him, which is essential.

When Pickford joined Everton for £30m in June 2017, his supervisor throughout a mortgage spell at Preston, Simon Grayson, stated: “He’s vocal and he’s a winner. He loves the strain of being one of the best he can. He shall be trying on the England scenario in the mean time and pondering the following port of name is to be England’s primary. We felt he might have performed outfield with the standard of his ft.”

You possibly can argue a case for every of the keepers I’ve talked about, although.

It’s uncommon that England haven’t got a longtime primary at this late stage earlier than a World Cup, however I do not see it as an issue – it’s an thrilling time.

Hart didn’t actually have any type of regular competitors through the years he was primary, so it’s refreshing for Pickford and Pope to emerge now in addition to seeing Butland keep constantly match.

That has coincided with Hart’s dip in kind to supply the scenario we’re in. Nonetheless, there is no such thing as a must panic.

We’re not certain who will take the place long run, however we now have some wonderful goalkeepers to select from.

Rachel Brown-Finnis was chatting with BBC Sport’s Chris Bevan.

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Monday Morning Quarterback: Province Stripping TARION Of Builder-Regulator Role

TorontoRealtyBlog

I have never, not for a moment, thought that TARION “protects new home buyers.”

That might be what is written on their logo below, and that might be their official mandate.

But during the Toronto construction boom in the last decade, for both houses and condos, builders have had complete control to do whatever they want, with little consequence.

All that is about to end, and the Toronto Star is to thank…

Tell me if you’ve ever heard one of these two gross-generalizations:

1) “TARION doesn’t protect consumers, it protects developers.”

2) “TARION is run by developers.”

I have.

Many, many times!  And from just about everybody in the industry – buyers, sellers, home inspectors, Realtors, and although they would never admit it openly, a few salespeople who work the floor at condo sales centres.

Those are the two most common critiques of TARION, and while both are extreme generalizations, there’s definitely some truth in there too.

Let me start from the beginning.

What is TARION?  What is it’s purpose?  Who controls it?

TARION was formed in 1976 after the government of Ontario instituted the “New Home Warranties Plan Act.”

TARION is funded, 100%, by builder registration, renewal, and home enrollment fees.

The primary purpose of TARION is to, as I alluded to above, “protect consumers,” specifically those who purchased new homes, by ensuring that developers and builders follow the provincial legislation laid out for them.

Right.  That all sounds well and good.

But who is TARION?

Well, it’s builders.

So this is a body of builders, regulating builders, ensuring builders follow rules for builders, and when builders need to be disciplined, they are done so by, you guess it, builders.

The whole thing is an absolute farce, and always has been, in my opinion.

I’ve been saying this for a decade, as the condo construction boom in Toronto has lowered the bar, building-by-building, as every successive condo developer (save for a few “good guys”) looks for new ways to screw over the consumer.

But can you blame them?

They, themselves are in charge of their own licensing and discipline!

Perhaps I’m straying too far off topic, but I wanted my feelings on the matter to get on paper first.

TARION, since its inception over 40 years ago, has two primary objectives:

1) Administer the New Home Warranty Program. 2) Oversee licensing, registration, and discipline of developers.

Those are two massively different jobs, and while I see merit in the idea of TARION overseeing the warranty program, the idea of them self-regulating never made any sense to me.

So last week, when it was announced that the Ontario government would strip TARION of the latter half of its duties, it came as no surprise to me, but it did come way too late, in my opinion, and that of most people you’d poll on the street.

The Toronto Star broke the story first.

Here’s an excerpt:

“Province Stripping TARION of Builder-Regulator Role” Kenyon Wallace March 28th, 2017

The Ontario government is stripping Tarion new home warranty corporation of its responsibility to regulate the province’s homebuilders.

“Tarion’s multiple roles and responsibilities can give rise to a perception of conflict of interest, and could result in an actual conflict or conflicts of interest,” Government and Consumer Services Minister Tracy MacCharles said Tuesday. “The new home building sector is an important driver of Ontario’s economy and, quite frankly, I believe it deserves a stand-alone regulator.”

Tarion, created by the province 40 years ago, fulfils multiple roles, including rule-maker, homebuilder-regulator, warranty provider and adjudicator between buyers and builders.

An ongoing Star investigation has found Tarion was keeping secret records of poor or incomplete work in new homes. The Star found many cases where Tarion ruled problems in new homes should be fixed, but the deficiencies were not published on the corporation’s public builder database.

The government’s planned bill will draw from a report by former associate chief justice J. Douglas Cunningham, who examined Tarion and the Ontario New Home Warranties Plan Act.

While a new standalone regulator for builders is to be created, Tarion will remain responsible for administering warranty claims made by homebuyers on deficiencies in new homes and condos, the minister said.

The government will also assume responsibility for approval of warranty terms on new builds. Since Tarion’s creation in 1976, the corporation’s board of directors — half of whom are developers — has had the unique power to enact its own regulations, such as those governing warranty terms and builder performance.

  For those of you that don’t know the history, The Toronto Star has been investigating, and reporting on TARION for quite some time now!

In July of 2013, the Toronto Star wrote: “Star Investigation: Home Buyers Not Getting The Full Picture From Protector TARION.”

Have a read, if you can stomach it.  This is stuff I’ve been saying for years, but in the article, there’s the obligatory “name and face” that make it more real.

Or, simply read the sub-heading, which sounds like it was taken directly from my mouth:

“It appears to us to be a system designed by builders for the protection of builders.”

In July of 2016, the Toronto Star wrote: “Consumers Report ‘Lack of Faith’ In TARION’s Builder Records.”

This was after Chief Justice J. Douglas Cunningham was commissioned to examine TARION and the Ontario New Home Warranty Program, and provided an interim report, which was gobbled-up by the Toronto Star.

In October of 2016, the Toronto Star wrote: “Ontario Corporation TARION Spends Millions In Salaries, Advertising, Conferences.”

In this article, we learned that the financial statements of TARION were not available in Canada, but were available in the United States, and that, for a change (that’s sarcasm), a wing of government is spending money on itself, with no recourse.

All the articles were written by Star columnist Kenyon Wallace, who I’m pretty sure I played soccer with in the late 80’s and early 90’s in the Leaside Soccer Association.  Pretty random nugget of info, but I have a memory like you wouldn’t believe…

The Toronto Star was the first to report last week that the government would be stepping in and reducing TARION’s role, and they deserve credit for the work they’ve done in the past few years.

They did give themselves some credit when they published THIS last week.  And “….Toronto Star deserves credit” is a Google favourite, no matter what you search for!

So that’s the background on the matter.

And before you ask, “Why the hell were builders allowed to self-police in the first place,” let’s remember that even the police, self-police, pardon the pun.

The timing of this news below, could not be more ironic, given the discussion we’re having right now.

Check this out:

“Report Aimed At Enhanced Civilian Oversight Of Ontario Police Out This Week” Colin Perkel, The Canadian Press April 2nd, 2017

Just how Ontario’s police should be policed is the topic of a major report expected Thursday in which a judge with the province’s top court will reveal the results of his comprehensive review of the issue.

The 263-page report by the Independent Police Oversight Review is the product of seven months of fact-finding and information gathering across the province.

Justice Michael Tulloch, who headed the government-commissioned review of the three bodies that oversee policing in the province, makes 129 recommendations aimed at streamlining oversight and making it more transparent and accountable.

“It is a broad law-reform proposal,” senior review counsel, Danielle Robitaille, said of the report. “I hope it’s well received and the government takes it up.”

Currently, the Special Investigations Unit is the best known of the agencies. Its mandate is to investigate death, serious injuries, or sexual-assault allegations involving police and to decide whether criminal charges against an officer are warranted. However, the unit has frequently been criticized as having a penchant for secrecy, or for being stacked with former police officers whose sympathies may be skewed toward law enforcement.

  I don’t want to get into a debate about the SIU, or police self-policing, today.

The point I’m making is that it’s not uncommon in many industries, although it seems like on a long-enough time horizon, it eventually comes to an end.

Consider real estate, for example.

The Real Estate Council of Ontario oversees licensing, regulation, and discipline of Realtors.

But they didn’t always!

This was before my time, but as recent as the late-1990’s, the Ministry of Commercial & Consumer Affairs was responsible for real estate oversight, and I’m guessing it just wasn’t working, since RECO was formed shortly thereafter.

So imagine for a moment, if real estate agents were in charge of licensing, regulating, policing, and disciplining real estate agents.

The public already has enough mistrust of our industry, so imagine if RECO didn’t exist?

Imagine if they weren’t tasked with reviewing complaints, and handing down discipline?  It would be a proverbial sh!t-show!

Perhaps back in 1976, when development in Toronto was small, the idea of TARION being responsible for new home warranties and for licensing and disciplining builders, made sense.

But as the construction boom in Toronto has continued, the idea just became less and less feasible.  And as the Toronto Star began to report back in 2012 and into 2013, it clearly wasn’t working.

There is an inherent need for a new government body to step in and take on the role of licensing, regulation, and discipline.

TARION can handle the warranties, which is the only thing they should have been doing.

And while I don’t love the idea of yet another government body being formed, I think in the long run, developers will be far more accountable.

Realtors are required to take mandatory education, courses, and updates, not only to improve their knowledge base, but to keep up to date.

Builders don’t have the same requirement, even though many of them are complete novices (just like Realtors), with little-to-no knowledge to begin with, and even though building codes change, building materials and processes evolve, and styles come and go.

Once this unnamed new government body is formed, something tells me that a similar series of courses and updates will be required of developers and builders, and who can suggest that’s a bad thing?

One of the biggest problems we have among freehold developers is their attempts to continually skirt HST, and often not provide TARION warranties.

You guys know the drill, right?

You tear down a house to build a new one, only you don’t call it “new,” but rather you call it a “substantial renovation.”  Even though the only thing that exists from the house that is, supposedly, being renovated, is a brick wall or two, the developer claims is’s not a new house, and thus doesn’t provide a TARION warranty.

This is also often accompanied by the notion that the developer is the owner-occupant, hence the Rogers bill and maybe a House&Home subscription coming each month to the mailbox, all in attempts to avoid paying HST.

There are so many “new, but not new” houses in North Toronto right now where the developer apparently built for himself, and intended to move in with his family, but changed his mind after a week sleeping on a mattress on the floor in the living room.  Now the house is for sale, with no warranty, and with no intention of paying HST or capital gains.

Folks, you can’t leave a pack of wild dogs alone in a room with a bone, and not expect them to eat the bone.

On a long enough time horizon, self-interest trumps good intentions.

The time for builders to self-police has come and gone, and last week’s announcement is a great thing.

How ironic that the only way for Ontario’s new home buyers to be protected, was to take away the right to protect, from those who were in charge of the protection in the first place…

The post Monday Morning Quarterback: Province Stripping TARION Of Builder-Regulator Role appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

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Delirium in Hospitalized Seniors: The Power of HELP

Donamarie Wilfong’s mother, Katie

“My mother is an amazing woman. She’s talkative, not big about going out on the town, but has the best personality. She loves to read and watch mass on television. I never thought that she could so quickly change during one hospital stay,” says Donamarie N. Wilfong, VP of Simulation Education at Allegheny Health Network.

Donamarie’s mother, Catherine or “Katie,” is considered a high-functioning 92-year-old woman. Today, she lives on her own, with a little help from caregivers, in the family’s hometown of Johnstown. Although she’s now back to chatting with friends and watching her favorite television programs, she had to overcome some challenges during an 18-month period of being in and out of West Penn Hospital.

“To make sure my mother had care close to her family, we moved her from Johnstown to Pittsburgh,” Donamarie explains. “I think this move and the change of environment caused her to become confused and disoriented.”

As Katie faced health complications, one compounding factor was the onset of delirium starting to take hold of her vibrant spirit.

“She was totally not like my mother, at all,” Donamarie says. “She continued to call out, ‘I want to go home right now. I can’t hear. I can’t get up.’ It was hard for me because the mother I knew was never agitated like that.”

Delirium and Confusion in Seniors

What Katie and her family experienced is not uncommon. When senior citizens are battling health problems and then experience the additional stress of being placed in a different environment like a hospital, they can become susceptible to heightened confusion or delirium.

Not to be confused with dementia, delirium is a confused mental state that causes change in awareness and behavior and can result in problems surrounding attention, thinking, awareness, emotions and memory. Hypoactive delirium manifests in extreme fatigue and depression; hyperactive delirium takes the form of extreme agitation. Mixed delirium means cycling between the two states.

The symptoms of delirium can often be treated, and patients frequently see a full recovery. However, particularly if untreated, delirium can lengthen hospital stays and worsen the primary issue for admittance. Recent studies indicate that delirium is common for the elderly in a hospital setting, with occurrence rates ranging from roughly 30 to 65 percent.

In an effort to prevent delirium, West Penn Hospital provides patients with extra support through its Hospital Elder Life Program (HELP).

“I was watching my mother decline, and the next thing I know, this volunteer walked in, and she was able to bring something to my mother that I couldn’t,” Donamarie says.

HELP Arrives — and Katie Puts Her Lipstick Back On

Alyssa Brauckmann is a pre-med student attending Duquesne University. Her main focus areas are Alzheimer’s disease, dementia and delirium.

“It really hurts to think that someone could wake up to the person they love but don’t remember anymore,” she says. “I think you lose your freedom with Alzheimer’s, and if I can do my part in trying to fix that and alleviate that loss, that’s what I’m going to try to do.”

Alyssa Brauckmann, pre-med student at Duquesne University and volunteer with the HELP program

Alyssa was one of the first volunteers for HELP, which aims to engage and orient senior citizens to prevent delirium and assist them with general cognitive and physical abilities during their hospital stay.

“HELP was a perfect fit for me,” she says. “I feel as if I’m able to give back, hear these patients out and be a comfort in their time of need.”

Although comfort and a friendly face are important, HELP volunteers are purposeful and strategic in doing all they can to bring clarity and stability to patients.

“When I go into the room, I introduce myself, and the program, and mention that they’re at West Penn to serve as a reminder of where they are and why they are there,” Alyssa explains. “I run through what we’ll be doing together and bring magazines, books, coloring pages and puzzles. Most patients I’ve seen are just looking to talk to someone.”

She emphasizes that talking about family, background, and stories from the past are valuable in providing mental stimulation and orientation for the patient.

Donamarie witnessed the benefits of HELP for her mother, Katie.

“The volunteer brought along magnifying glasses, magazines, puzzles, and she sat down with my mother and calmed her down. She said, ‘I’m here to just visit with you,’” Donamarie says. “My mother is used to having people come in and out of her house, so it was easy for a visitor to become a familiar routine. Eventually, she would put lipstick on just for her HELP volunteer.”

Alyssa adds that the benefits of HELP go both ways.

“It’s so powerful to hear about the lives of these seniors,” she says. “I have heard stories about first loves, 60-year wedding anniversaries, World War II and the Great Depression. You learn a lot about the lives of these patients and their journeys.”

HELP by the Numbers

Originally designed at the Yale University School of Medicine, HELP was brought to West Penn in 2016, led by the efforts of Dr. Lyn Weinberg. The program now has more than 20 volunteers, coordinated by Autumn Corcoran, program director.

“We focus on senior patients who are older than 70 years, and are more prone to developing delirium,” Autumn says. “A potential trigger, among others, for delirium can be the change of environment which disrupts a patient’s normal routine.”

From its inception through the end of 2017, the program has touched the lives of nearly 2,000 patients, logging more than 35,000 patient interventions.

Volunteers of HELP undergo intense training to learn how to keep patients alert, oriented and engaged to prevent delirium from setting in during their stay. The goal is to create a friendlier and safer hospital environment by providing sympathetic support, encouragement and companionship to older patients and their families.

“In our volunteer orientation, we go over key questions to integrate into the conversation about ‘the basics’ to keep the patients oriented. We also focus on mindful, therapeutic activities like puzzles, games and daily newspapers,” Autumn says.

The program offers physical therapy courses to help volunteers assist with patients’ range of motion, while also training them to provide support with feeding and exercises.

“This program, to me, is a no-brainer,” Autumn says. “Prevention is what we have the ability to do and control, and our work has proven results when it comes to helping the patient while also impacting the hospital’s overall length-of-stay numbers.”

So far at West Penn, HELP has:

decreased average length of stay for patients by one day

decreased the delirium rate of the target group to 4.8 percent from 24 percent

delivered an estimated 12-month cost savings of more than $1 million

Of course, it’s the results that HELP delivers to people like Donamarie and Katie that matter most.

“Without the program, I don’t know if my mother would have been able to come back,” says Donamarie. “It might have increased her length of stay in the hospital. She was shutting down, she was agitated. HELP made her feel less frightened and less anxious, and they truly became partners in her care, mentally and physically. I can say as a family member, this program was invaluable.”

Delirium in Hospitalized Seniors: The Power of HELP published first on