#for like a month straight but my primary school only gave us 2 days off school because they were mean

[bookwormcosplays]

SSRI Withdrawal Journey

I wasn't going to do this because I'm a very private person and I don't like talking about my mental health on social media, but I decided this is very important for me to remember how this felt and to give people a frame of reference.

I've been on lexapro for a year which I always knew it was going to be temporary because I was having a lot of mental breakdowns and I just needed to get through school. I told the psychiatrist I just wanted to get through school and she still prescribed me this. I was aware of the withdrawal, but I was under the illusion that it should be fine if I tapered.

Why not continue take it? It didn't really help me out a lot. It had more cons than pros. All it did was make me less angry and eat more which is something I'm capable outside of medication. The breakdowns though were affecting my school life that a round of therapy wouldn't help and this helped to minimize it, but now I graduated.

Fast forward to current day. I told my primary doctor I wanted to come off of lexapro, couldn't talk to my previous psychiatrist for other reasons, and my DOCTOR said "oh lexapro is easy just split your pills in half take it for a week then stop." I was on 20mg. I said I'm really concerned about withdrawal could I get 5mg pills. She said "okay" and gave me only a week of 5mg. Mind you I was already running out of my original pills. So I had no choice, but to follow her advice.  

1st Week (10mg): Insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, nightmares, and mania. I was very manic. I kept acting out of character, talking a lot, and pulling out old projects to work on. I was exercising. Doing a bunch of things even though I was running on very little sleep (2 hour naps basically). I also had some dizziness, but it wasn't too bad. I thought I could definitely handle withdrawal because I felt on top of the world.

2nd Week (5mg): Continued insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, and nightmares. New symptoms-- I crashed hard after the manic episode. Headaches (24/7 they will not go away with no type of medicine), joint pain, nausea, vomiting, no appetite. Can't drink water. Makes me sick. Dizzy spells get more intense. Static in vision. Can't walk straight. Bumping into walls. Falling more often. Can't look at phone or laptop without unbearable head pain or nausea. Migraines. Flu like symptoms (don't have flu, haven't been outside the house in a week). Sore throat, congested, fever. Increased sweating and what feels like hot flashes.

3rd Week (nothing): Continued insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, and nightmares. Headaches, joint pain, nausea, vomiting, no appetite. Dizzy spells, static in vision, still can't walk straight. Still bumping into walls and falling more often. Can't look at phone or laptop without unbearable head pain or nausea. Migraines. Flu like symptoms, sore throat, congested, and fever. Increased sweating and hot flahes. New symptoms-- Fatigue, try to sleep but nightmares keep waking me up. Yet I also don't want to sleep because the nightmares are so bad. Exhausted. In bed all day. No brain zaps yet? Noises make my head hurt. No matter how small. Cabinets closing, music playing, etc.

I will update the third week as we finish it up then make a new post as this goes on.

I don't know how people deal with withdrawal while working. If you want to take an ssri or lexapro specifically, I suggest you intend to stick with it. If you're just trying it out, figure it out within the first month. If you want to taper, do it with someone who understands the consequences of withdrawal. I seriously don't understand how this withdrawal is not different from opiods or any other drug. If I wasn't in a situation where I can't take it anymore, I would get back on it to stop this. Needless to say, I do not recommend lexapro for short term use or honestly at all (but also I'm in pain rn and very irritated).

[life-with-my-three]

Lucy ended up in hospital a week ago. I’m still trying to process it. It seems these days I spend a lot of time trying to work out whether my feelings given a situation are “normal” and I have reason to feel how I do, or whether they’re a reaction to past trauma and I shouldn’t bring frustrations up to others.

The kids had all had a bit of a cold. Lucy had seemed to be on the tail-end. We left home at 7am for a 9:30 gastro appointment of Hattie’s in Melbourne. Lucy came with us. 2.5 hours of driving and we were still late. In the waiting room we gave Lucy a feed. It seemed to really exaggerate her effort to breathe, and make it a heap noisier. It was so noisy that Hattie’s gastro consultant told us to not go home straight away and to hang around the hospital for an hour or so and if it didn’t improve to go to emergency.

We hung around. Once the feed digested a little and wasn’t pushing so much on her lungs she improved a bit so we drove home. We had to drive straight to pick up Fletcher as he had a primary school transition afternoon. We took him to that, then went home. Hattie lost her special reward toy that she got for letting the doctor poke at her stomach (positive rewards for past medical trauma), somewhere between the kinder and home. We couldn’t find it anywhere. So I dropped all the kids at home with Aaron (he was home by this point). Went searching all the shops in the hope I could find another, miraculously did. Got home and Lucy had just had another feed and her breathing was bad again.

At this point I decided I’d take her to the local urgent care clinic in the hopes of avoiding emergency. Got to urgent care. They took her straight in. Stripped her down and looked at her breathing and decided she was really sick and needed the hospital. With how her breathing was they weren’t confident in me driving with her the 2 blocks so they called an ambulance. Her sats were lower 80s. Her feet were purple/mottled. As we were waiting for the ambulance (not long at all) there was a shift change. The new doctor agreed she needed the hospital asap and it to be an ambulance situation. The words “very sick” were used multiple times. They started putting numbing cream and stuff on her so that emergency could work on her asap.

We got to emergency. She was stick sucking her ribs and trachea right in. She had improved to her sats in the 90s though she was having to work hard for that. The paeds doctor came in and declared she was fine. Went to send us straight home. I mentioned about her sats being low at urgent care, to which they said oh I guess we should admit you for the night then. I was just going to send you home for the night. She’s giving everyone smiles, she’s just a happy puffer.

The night before Hattie came home from NICU, I brought up with the same paeds department that when feeding her she was stopping breathing and going blue. I was treated like I was just overly anxious, so accepted I’d seen her stop breathing so many times I probably was just anxious. Over the next 6 weeks she did it multiple times with feeds. I’d take her to emergency and we’d be told she was just a “happy puffer”. It didn’t matter how many times I tried to get her help, I was always given that same line. My kids struggle to breathe but still smile apparently! It wasn’t until I cracked it and drove to Melbourne demanding help did the Melbourne paeds look at her. We found out her milk was going into her lungs and we went to the feeding tube! It was only 6 months ago now that her Melb respiratory consultant told me in an appointment that she will never forget that first time she saw Hatt and how much she was struggling to breathe. The exact same breathing that local paeds just shrug off:

Anyway, Lucy seemed a lot better by the next morning, so I didn’t go all mumma bear on them like I was planning. I mean the doctors didn’t even see her. The nurse just came in and said if you’re happy the doctors are happy for Lucy to be discharged.

I’ve spent the week going over it in my head though. Am I so frustrated and annoyed at the doctors’ at local paeds because it’s bringing back up the trauma of Hattie’s experience? Or do I have every right to be so completely annoyed at them? Melb we’re concerned enough to tell us to go to emergency to a baby they didn’t even look at, was in the pram across the room, and not their patient. Two separate shifts of doctors/nurses at urgent care were extremely worried about her.

I don’t know. Lucy’s completely fine now. Back to her normal self. But far out, our local paeds department has requested two consecutive years to use Hattie’s story for the junior paediatric doctor exams to improve management of respiratory issues, then this shit happens!

[angsty-omi]

second best.

tanaka ryūnosuke x reader; tanaka ryūnosuke x kyoko shimizu

genre: angst, heartbreak, cheating

word count: 1.5k

cw: insecurity

She was beautiful. Her silky black hair, perfect nose, nicely framed glasses, and a cute mole on her chin. Anyone could see it, every volleyball team in the tri-state area attempted to get her number. Kiyoko Shimuzu was her name, and you could not help but see the way your boyfriend looks at her.

The three of you went to school together, since primary. A trio, one would call it ever since the third grade. At recess, kids would say, “It’s no surprise that Y/N, Kiyoko, and Tanaka are all partnered together.” and during a specific game of soccer, you accidentally tripped over the ball and skid your knee. You bit your lip hard, trying not to cry in front of everyone. Your eyes were watery, at the fact that your knee hurt like hell and now everyone was staring at you. To your surprise, Tanaka ran over to you to help you up and guide you to the clinic. When you got there, the nurse sat you down and poured alcohol onto cotton balls. Tanaka offered his hand, and you gripped it lightly, with a slight shade of pink on your cheeks. It was a cute moment until the nurse dabbed onto your joint. Then, you tightly squeezed Tanaka’s hand and screamed some very colorful words. That night, your mom scolded you and sent you straight to your room. While you lay on your bed, you could not help but smile at the event that happened that afternoon. This was the start of your attraction towards Tanaka Ryūnosuke.

When you got to middle school, puberty started to hit you like a truck. The rapid growth of hormones made your face acne-infested. While everyone told you it was normal, you could not help but question why does Kiyoko’s face not look like this then? Her skin was clear and had a nice dew to it. The amount of money spent on drug store products could buy you a whole store. Acne was inevitable, already eating at your brain, and planting their seed called insecurity. Tanaka would always call Kiyoko terms like, ‘gorgeous’ and ‘goddess’ while you had what- ‘funny’? The summer going into high school, you decided to get medical help. Immediately, you were put on accutane. You did not want to see anyone during that whole summer, especially Tanaka. Accutane made your face very dry, crackled, and forced you to put on chapstick every minute. Locking yourself into your room all summer, made you lonely.

Sometimes, you could hear Tanaka and Kiyoko walk by your house and hear them say, “Has Y/N ever responded to your texts? It’s like she’s a ghost.” Tanaka asked.

“Nope, she hasn’t even answered to get our nails done, she must seriously be ghosting us,” Kiyoko responded.

You tear up at the guilt of ignoring your closest friends, but it’s hard when you’re in love with one of them and envious of the other. You did not want your toxic mindset upheld against them, so you justified that it was just for the best.

When fall came around, it was back to school. Your first year. The Accutane, though traumatizing, worked. In addition, being trapped in your room all day introduced you to makeup. Looking in the mirror, you actually started to like what you saw in the mirror. You’ve learned self-care and it paid off. Scanning the sheets on the wall, it looked like Tanaka was in your class and Kiyoko was in the honors one.

“Class 2-B” you read aloud to yourself and sat down at a desk. You left the one seat open next to you, just for Tanaka. When you saw him walk in, your heart skipped a beat. He looked different, in a good way. His hair was shaved, taller, and looked more mature. When you waved over to him, he just glared at you and sat at the seat farthest from you. This made your heart drop. Why was he acting like this? Did I do something? Does he not want to be my friend anymore? Questions rambling in your head. During lunch, you headed over to his desk and pulled the chair behind you to sit down. He just stared at you intently, furrowing his brows signifying anger.

“Ryo-channn, look what I brought,” you gleefully rang, knowing that he would never in a million years refuse your mom’s onigiris. When you took out your bento, you grabbed the onigiri with your hand and put it near his mouth. Still looking at you angrily, he took a bite from the onigiri in your hand and looked away from you.

“What’s wrong?” you worried. He did not respond, so you asked again. “You can’t just act like I don’t exist Ryo, especially if you’re eating from my invisible hand.”

“That’s funny, me acting like YOU don’t exist when you ghosted me for three months? I thought we were best friends, Y/N.” Now, you finally understood why he was so upset. Before you could speak up, there was a knock at the entrance, “Ryo, want to grab lunch together?” Kiyoko said in a monotone voice. It seems that Kiyoko too was also mad at you. You could not help it though, you and Kiyoko were basically sisters up until that summer. “Yeah, let me grab my stuff,” Ryo picked up all his belongings and left you in the dust.

That day, you waited for both of them after practice. Kiyoko was a manager and Tanaka was on the team. Two birds, one stone. When they walked out together, they both saw you. Murmuring to each other. You took a deep breath, “Listen, I’m sorry for not texting you guys back and not spending time with you during the summer. I-it’s just that I felt so i-insecure with myself, I didn’t want to bring you guys down with me y’know?” Tears started welling up in your eyes, you continued, “I would hear you guys talk about me when you passed by my house, and it took everything I had to not just run out and hug you guys. But, I couldn’t. I hated myself for the longest time and I was scared that you two would start to notice it. So, I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore, but you guys needed an explanation.” You sighed and started to turn around and leave. You fell to your feet, with two bodies tackling you down. “G-guys?” your eyes are still watery. Laughter emitted from their voices, “Don’t do it again or else we will kill you,” Kiyoko threatened.

It was the final set, both teams were tied. Yamaguchi was serving and Aoba Johsai hit it back with ease. The rally probably lasted around a minute, but to everyone, it was slowed down. Until, Tanaka passed the ball to Kageyama, and everyone thought he’d set it Hinata. Instead, he setter dumped. The crowd was silent, not realizing what just happened. Karasuno just won the preliminaries. Every student screamed and chanted at them. You and a couple of other people ran down to congratulate. You ran up to Tanaka’s arms and squeezed him. He swung you around joyfully, and you pulled your face back. There was a moment where it felt like it was just the two of you. The adrenaline of winning finally got to you, and you impulsively kissed him. It lasted maybe around a second or two before you finally realized what you were doing. Mortified, you were rambling with apologies.

“Can you please just forget this ever happen-” he cut you off. Warm lips were pressed onto your lips. You were shocked at first but slowly sunk into the kiss. This was the start of your relationship with Tanaka Ryūnosuke.

Kiyoko never spoke about her feelings about her best friends dating. In fact, she hated it. But it was out of character for her to be so opinionated. She could not stand the fact that you guys would cuddle during movie night nor how he would hold your hand during the walk home. She did not necessarily like Tanaka that way, but she did miss the attention he gave her. Who wouldn’t want someone calling you pretty 24/7? And to reject them was a power move. No one would ever know, but he was the reason why her confidence shot up. The confidence to reject handsome men on different teams. All started because of Tanaka. Although, now that he was with you, the flirting stopped. She could feel herself start to become jealous and it started to infect her brain. During practice, Yachi would gush about how cute you and Tanaka were while Kiyoko just had to listen.

“Y/N is too cute,” Yachi cheesed. Kiyoko couldn't take it anymore, “Listen, I am way prettier than Y/N and Tanaka could do much better” it just slipped out. She was surprised at what she just said, and even more surprised that she didn’t even feel an ounce of guilt.

“Like you?” a voice appeared. It was Tanaka. “R-Ryo,” she muttered. “We should talk outside.”

Once they were both outside, Tanaka spoke first.

“You don’t get to do this. You rejected me countless times and now t-that I’m with someone you can’t just profess your feelings for me.” Tanaka hissed.

“I-I know, it’s just- I didn’t realize what I had until I lost it. Imagine how I feel seeing you guys together, the man I love with someone else. Someone who is inferior to me.” Tears welled up in Kiyoko’s eyes.

“Do you even hear yourself right now? Love? Please. You don’t love me. You never will.” He bit his lip sharply.

Silence.

“Then look at me and tell me you don’t love me. Because not once have you said that you didn’t feel the same way, you only said that you were dating Y/N” Kiyoko sobbed.

“You know I can’t do that,” Tanaka whispered. Then, Kiyoko leeched on him, pressing her lips against his. He wasn’t kissing back, but he wasn’t pulling away either. He was conflicted. He was too dazed and decided to just give in.

Little did they both know, there you were watching at the scene. Well, now you were hiding behind a wall, peeking at them, kissing. You could physically hear your heart-shattering. After wiping the nonstop tears flowing on your face, you left.

Grief turned into anger. You threw every picture, gift, and sweater into the trash bag. Your eyes only saw red. Your room was left bare and cold. The bedroom door knocked in a rhythmic beat that only one person did. When he walked in, his eyes gazed at every spot in your room. It was empty.

You looked down at the ground, “I always knew I was second best in your heart.” You whispered, tears threatening your eyes. “What?” His face contorted in a confused stance. “I should’ve seen it coming y’know? But I just thought maybe— maybe he’d pick me.” You continued. He started getting worried, “What’re you talking about?” The fact that he was here, blatantly lying to you, gives you all the answers you needed.

“Please don’t act like that, not with me”

“Act like what?”

“Clueless. Ry-Tanaka,” you corrected yourself. “If you love her, then go for it. But don’t act like you’re still in love with me. It hurts-” Your voice broke mid-sentence.

“It was a mistake,” He pleaded.

“A mistake? No, mistakes happen impulsively. T-This whole thing with Kiyoko was premeditated. All my life, I have been trying to compete with her. Grades, appearances, and even you. And when I had you, I thought, I had won. I won the best prize ever. You. But now-” You dropped to your knees, “I don’t even have you.”

He wiped your tears with his hands, “But you do, you do have me,”

“No, no I don’t,” you denied.

“Yes you do baby, I’m right here. I choose you.”

You were not some decision, you were his girlfriend and yet, he thought that would make you happier. “Nonono, you don’t get it. I don’t want you anymore. These tears aren’t for you, they’re for me. Seeing you kiss Kiyoko? I felt nothing and that scared me. Maybe I wasn’t in love with you, maybe I just wanted to beat Shimizu that bad. Who knows? But, by the looks of it, I did win. I got to you first.” You punctuated every word, prying his hands off your face. Of course, you were lying your ass off. You’ve loved this man ever since that day in recess. Revenge had poisoned your heart though, and you wanted him to feel an ounce of you were feeling.

“We’re done. There I have let you go, now you are free to do anything you want with Kiyoko. Date her or reject her, it’s not my issue anymore.” Tanaka couldn’t even recognize you anymore. Though it was your voice and your physical look, it was like your soul had been drained, and in replacement was someone who was cold and emotionless.

A/N: I’m back! I’ve fixed my writing style so everything is capitalized properly. Requests are greatly appreciated! Just shoot a message. Also, this story was inspired by my drabble and a person actually asked me to write one for Tanaka, so here you go @aestheticno !

likes & repubs are greatly appreciated. :D

[thistle-and-thorn]

my goal-setting manifesto

So recently @woodswit wrote a super thought-provoking post about struggling with the benefits of loving feeling fit and struggling with external validation regarding fitness and so this is kind of my reference guide for myself about goal-setting and the way *I* need to remember to think about it.

I minored in a very specific form of organizational management in college and a huge part of that curriculum was goal-setting. We were encouraged to make one-year, five-year, ten-year career plans, we learned how to set SMART goals, how to identify what steps were right for you, etc. Well, babies, I did not need this curriculum because in high school we had done this exact same curriculum. SMART goals, college planning, etc. Bitch, I knew how to plan my life and, bitch, I had it planned. I was a very high-achieving and ambitious student—I went after awards, AP scores, good grades, letters of recommendation. The school system I attended was very typical of an American school in that those things were the primary indicators for success and the “quality” of our grades determined our classes (and subsequently our social groups) and myriad other things. I was a “good girl” and bought into and benefitted from this kind of structure immensely.

Well. I also have struggled with severe anxiety and periodic depressive episodes that significantly interrupt my daily life and ability to care appropriately for myself. These disorders reached a critical mass at the midpoint of my college career and, after two very bad semesters (one of which ended with me getting a tiny sexy scar from fainting into a doorway), I realized I needed to make significant changes to my priorities. More specifically, I needed to examine the method by which I was defining and collecting achievement and validation. So, after much therapy (I love u Claire), soul-searching, several glasses of a very good local hard cider, I decided to write out the way I goal-set now that enables me to actually breathe and not spiral into self-hatred.

Why Do We Need Goal-Setting?

I actually think that goal-setting is deeply important. If you are a dreamer, I would even say that goal-setting is essential. Personally, I’m a planner/dreamer and enjoy setting goals. It comforts me. Getting a little organized around amorphous ideas like “I want to be a novelist” or “I wish I could travel the world” allows those things to become attainable.

Process and Product

I would say that there are two ways of thinking about goals:

1. Product-Oriented: This is the type of thinking that was taught in my management classes and is exactly what it sounds like. If you do these steps, then you will get x-result. An example of a well-written product-oriented goal is, “By Tuesday, I need to complete three research reports.” (This is true, and I completed them today motherfuckers.) It’s concise, attainable, and happens within a set timeframe.

2. Process-Oriented: This type of thinking focuses on what you will learn or benefit from accomplishing an activity. When I was teaching preschool, an example of this would be taking the kids for a nature walk or free drawing, basically doing an activity where there is no expected result. There is nothing to achieve, there is no medal. The work and the discoveries you make doing the work is the reward. A process-oriented goal would be, “I want to learn about characterization from writing this story.”

In woodswit’s example, she talks about the benefits that cardio exercise has on her mental health, how much happier and confident she is when she is doing a certain variety of exercise regularly. She also talks about how she used to do intense sports.

In this case, a product-oriented way to frame that discussion would be, “I want to get back to the weight I was when I was playing sports” or “I want to be able to lift fifty pounds again.” You will take smaller steps to reach that product—changing the way you eat, figuring out a plan for to work up to lifting heavier things. But the product-oriented way is ultimately a binary—you will either be able to lift fifty pounds or not, you will either reach the weight you were or you won’t. But the process-oriented way to think about these things would be, “I love biking and want to do more of it. Every weekend this summer, I will bike a different rail trail in my county.” The process-oriented method is less specific, but it takes that pressure away from your performance—in the biking example, the only expectation that is set is that you’re going to travel to different bike trails, not that you have to go to every rail trail in the county or that you have to complete the whole trail when you go or that you have to do it in a certain time, just that you are going to go.

There is space for both of these methods, and they are best used in conjunction with each other. Product-oriented is useful, especially in financial situations. A goal for 2022 is to visit my childhood best friend in her new home, halfway across the country. Say I want to go in May 2022 and I figure out that it will cost me roughly $2000. I should probably set a goal with steps to save $2000 by May. It’s also beneficial for the smaller steps to bolster your path to your big dreams—When I was a kid, playing piano gave me a lot of discipline and I would like to have that habit again. That is a process-oriented way of thinking about playing music, but you will probably need to set smaller, product-based goals to achieve it—you will need to select a song and learn to play it, within that song you will need to master it measure by measure.

When we are trained to reach for product, it is hard to recognize the value of process-orientation. A phenomenal example is my WIP. The story I am writing now has 3% the amount of kudos as my biggest fic. I also had a goal of updating every Tuesday. By product standards, that story is a flop. It has the least amount of engagement of anything I’ve ever written, and I haven’t updated it in like two weeks. However, why do I write? I write because I enjoy it, I write fanfic specifically to practice new skills. This story has stretched my abilities and I’ve grown from working on it. By process standards, it’s the most successful of my fics.

And in terms of bigger life things? Process-oriented is the way to go. Why? Because if the pandemic taught us anything, it is that life is not linear. It is nearly impossible to set a straight path—be it up a corporate ladder or a fitness goal—why? Because life sucks. Someone dies, you become ill, it rains, you fall in love, you fall out of love—minute inconveniences happen every day. Process takes the pressure off of your performance because you can’t perform all the time. This is essential in fitness goals because our physical state is especially ephemeral. Of course, it happens in other areas of life, too. An example: In the autumn of 2017, I fell into the deepest depression I have ever been in before or since. I could not remember to shower, let alone do my anthropology homework. As a result, for the first time, I was struggling to create the basic products—like, you know, homework—expected in my classes. That was even more devastating. Around the midpoint of the semester, I realized that product was not sustaining me and if I didn’t want to drop out or harm myself when I “failed”, I had to change my approach.

Once my classes became less about “I need to feel my Middle East studies requirement so I can get a History degree and get an A so I can get on the Dean’s List,” and I reconnected with, “I want to learn a lot about the Middle East,” the products came more naturally. They came more imperfectly, too, but I was able to complete the product because I put less pressure on making them to a certain standard. It became easier to recommit to my goal of being a college-educated woman when I remembered the why of receiving a college education. In woodswit’s original post, she acknowledges that the definition of intense exercise is different for every individual. But it’s also different for the individual at different points in their life and recognizing that intensity and success are arbitrary standards is an essential part of reframing your goal-setting as being process-orientated.

How Do I Goal Set Now?

I still goal-set and a lot of my goals could be likely defined as product-goals. However, they are all made with a long view in mind—if I set a goal to run a 5K, what am I going to get out of it besides just saying that I can run a 5K? Here are ways that I stay process-oriented throughout:

1. Goal Periods

I have three times of year when I set goals: January, June, and Lent. I will set a date on the calendar every year to sit down and just think about what I want to accomplish just in the next twelve-month period and what vision I have for myself in three to five years. No more than that.

January is when I set my personal goals and June is where I set my professional ones. I keep a spreadsheet throughout the year of experiences I would like to have. I will look to this list for inspiration. In January and June, while goal-setting, I check in with the opposing goals. So, in June, I checked in with my progression on my personal goals. I rethought if those goals were still realistic and if I was benefitting from them and in what ways. Then I recommitted to them or adjusted them to help me reach them.

2. Holistic Goals

Unless it’s curing cancer, there is no single goal worth putting all the rest on hold for. Each goal is a battle, and your life is the war. This is a deeply privileged example but: the goal of living independently the first two years out of college was probably achievable. But the effort to achieve that one goal meant that, like, six other personal and financial goals would not be met. So, I put off my career goals and stayed at home and taught preschool for two years. It meant a delay while it seemed like my other friends were growing up and achieving at faster rates, but the temporary strain of achieving a particular goal is sometimes worth it when it dominos into other opportunities.

3. Goal Bundling

I bundle my goals now as a part of my goals check-ins. An example of this is: I loved studying abroad and would love to spend more extended time in the country I studied in during undergrad. I would love to go to graduate school. Ipso facto, presto change-o, I should look at graduate programs in that country and see if that is an achievable goal.

This post is a good example of all of this lol. Why did I write it? there won't be an audience for it but the process of setting all of these thoughts on to paper was cathartic, creating a reference guide on this topic for myself when I am depressed is important, and that has to, has to, has to be good enough.

[dirtyfilthy]

The True Story Of Maxwell’s Silver Hammer: on the limits of transparency, or why you should stop feeding your quarters into the dopamine slot machine

Gather round children, and I will tell you a tale. This story is a hundred percent true. It occurred sometime in my late twenties, which would have been in 2008 or thereabouts. I had just taken the biggest acid trip of my life, eight tabs, but of fairly weak acid, I’m guessing around 400 micrograms total or close enough. Still, it gave me exactly the experience I was looking for. We went to the beach, and as a good friend of mine used to say: “got gay with nature”. Everything had been building to this point. First we took one tab. Some weeks later: we doubled down and took two.. After another month had passed, we gobbled up a four strip. Eight tabs only seemed logical at this stage. And man…

It was exactly how you imagine acid is going to be when you’re a kid. Everything was beautiful and melting  and there were colours I don’t even have the words for.  The trees were full of fractals, the ground was a river flowing beneath my feet. The sky was bright green. The sand dunes: a brilliant purple. It was like that cheesy chroma-keying effect they used to use to represent drugs in old movies from the 60’s. I even nearly went blind staring at the sunset like some hokey old LSD urban legend. Getting gay with nature?  This was a little more than merely getting high with one of your straight friends and perhaps sucking each others cocks and then never, ever mentioning it again, this was…  I wanted to settle down with nature and build a whole new life together, I wanted to get married, buy a house, maybe even adopt a couple of children. Don’t laugh, this isn’t fucking funny. We were in love!

Anyhow, acid, drugs, beautiful uplifting experience yada-yada. The thing is, on acid you tend to get these… ideas. Crazy, completely off-the-wall, gorgeously bent ideas. And I had just had a real doozy of an acid thought.  “Why lie? Why don’t I just be exactly who I am all the time? Why not be completely and utterly transparent with everyone?”. Now this is hardly some kind of grand cosmic revelation. I think that in most individuals this would have cumulated in a simple but genuine effort to be more honest with the people around them, or maybe simply faded with the trip, but in me…

So let me preface this with a couple of things about me that will make the following point make more sense: 1) I tend to take ideas and run with them, generally off a cliff 2) I am very good with computers. To the point where I am a professional hacker these days (as in I break into systems for a living), but back then I was only a hopeful amateur. 

So in me, the way this idea came out was I decided I was going to publish my entire browser history, online, in real time. Every site I visited would be available for the whole world to see, should they wish to, seconds after I had clicked the link. I won’t bore you with the technical details, they really  aren’t that complicated -- and neither are they honestly that interesting -- but suffice to say I built the thing. I named it on a whim after a Beatles song I happened to be listening to at the time: “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”. And then it was done. Every link I visited was put in a database and displayed on a web page. It was in the form of a giant, constantly growing list, newest at the top. For general purposes of  convenience, I had colour coded everything. So all social media sites would be say, purple. Wikipedia would be blue. News was green etc. 

So one great and terrible thing about LSD is it has a way of teaching you things. This generally happens while you are tripping, or maybe afterwards when you re-integrate the experience. In this case, acid had decided Maxwell’s Silver Hammer was the to be the terrible form my teacher took. And boy howdy, it would certainly teach me some lessons 

So I told all my friends about it. And they told their friends. And then word began to spread. And so I embarked on this slightly weird experiment in radical personal transparency, bouncing down the road like a complete asshole with nary a care in the world, full of hope in the promise of the dream, but I was to very quickly to discover it’s limits… 

The first limit should have been the most obvious one. Porn. At the end of a hard days labour avoiding working, I liked nothing more than masturbating for a solid three or four hours over the choicest and rarest sweet-meats the internet had to offer, before eventually collapsing on my bed from sheer sexual exhaustion. The thing is… porn is a very personal thing. I mean: what really spins your wheels, what you get off to. At the time, I wasn’t ready to admit to my friends that I still really liked women ok but sometimes when the mood struck me I liked to watch some massively hung black dude plow a white guy around half his size while fantasying that it was really m… Anyhow, porn is a deeply personal thing and can show quite a lot about someone. Besides, what if my Mum was watching… or my female friends? Sweet jesus. 

Well, if I was going to be consistent, I could either “rock out with my cock out” as we used to say back in primary school, or I could stop watching porn altogether. And that was the first lesson. Perfect transparency means constantly worrying about how you look because everyone can see everything. It means censoring, not just what you say, but who you are. it wasn’t just about porn of course. Maybe I should browse some wikipedia so I can look a bit more intelligent? What would the chick I had a crush on think if she knew I kept on visiting these horrible gore sites day after day? And so on and so forth, forever.  

I had thought it would be liberating, to be free of all secrets. In fact, it was the exact opposite. I wasn’t living a radically transparent life, instead I was an actor, just playing at performing one. 

The second revelation came in the form of the colour coding. I could see myself reflected in a sea of purple. It was obvious I had become obsessed with social media, particularly facebook. Constantly refreshing my homepage, hoping for that next sweet lick of dopamine, another little like on my post, a little sliver of ice from the great icicle of validation that would only ever melt away in the heat of the morning sun. I used to be a meth addict, and it’s exactly the same, that is: it’s never enough. You’re a fiend for it. It had revealed something deeply narcissistic and petty about myself that I really did not like. Why was I doing this? What did it matter? Did I really have three hundred “friends”? Of course not. I had the usual amount of people I cared enough about in my life to see on a semi-regular basis, a few close, ten or so I saw fairly often, maybe thirty total counting colleagues and co-workers and assorted demi-friends and vague acquaintances. The whole thing was fucking ridiculous. 

The third lesson came only after both of these things had been grating at me for quite a while. After this synthesis, suddenly, I became enlightened. There was a lot more freedom to be had by not being famous or observed. Privacy wasn’t just a haven for the liars and the hypocrites. In fact, privacy enabled you to be most truly yourself. Sure, be honest where it matters, but you don’t need to put your every card down on the table all at once. Seems like a basic enough thing to realise, but I really had to get slapped upside the head pretty hard to see it. There is a power in being invisible.

So I took down the site. Deleted my facebook. Watched all the “black tops white“ gay porn my little bisexual heart desired and, ironically, stopped caring so much what other people thought about me. Don’t get me wrong, I still get that little rush of validation when someone I respect likes my shit, but you gotta pick the individuals who’s opinion you’re gonna care about. The vast majority of most people are either dumb as fuck or completely antithetical to my values. Which isn’t to say I exactly begrudge them, but I’d still much rather avoid getting myself in a public fist fight, metaphorical or otherwise, unless I really really need to. I think in most cases, power doesn’t need to be confronted, it can simply be routed around. You don’t go and deliberately blow your weed smoke right up a cop’s nose, instead, just go get high in the disabled toilets like everybody else. I mean: it’s what they’re there for!

I guess that is the real moral of the story.

[swissmissficrecs]

My favorite fics of 2011

Continuing to sift through old bookmarks, here are my favorites from 2011 that are still up:

26 Pieces by Lanning (28K, E, Johnlock) Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (20K, E, Johnlock) ‘John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.’

A Love with No Name by aceofhearts (49K, M, Johnlock, Warstan, Mary/Irene) In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.

A Thorough Examination / In Depth by emungere (15K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock watched John's mouth as that smile slid away too quickly. There had been something there, something he'd not had time to analyze. He was left with the unsettling impression of having witnessed an expression that didn't belong on John Watson's face at all. In its wake it left the equally unsettling thought that perhaps he didn't know John as entirely as he thought he did.

A Week in the Country by chainsaw_poet (20K, NR, Gen) Sherlock's lifestyle has taken its toll on his health and John is worried. With Mycroft's help, John coerces Sherlock into taking a holiday in the country to get some rest. Unfortunately, their trip doesn't quite turn out to be a relaxing as John had planned, when Sherlock's latest case decides to catch up with them.

Blind Man's Bluff by Rae666 (25K, T, Gen) "We are gods among mortals. But even gods must be tested." Sherlock loses his sight temporarily and must rely on his other senses and John in order to solve the case at hand. But as the killer draws closer, could the pair be in more danger than they first thought?

Contamination by LauraJV (16K, M, Gen) In which an artistic murder draws Irene Adler and her brother Nathan into the lives of Lestrade and Holmes, and Dr John Watson balances his morals against the happiness that is a warm gun.

Dehumanise Me by deuxexmycroft (26K, E, Johnlock) John is sent down for life after accidentally murdering someone, and gets snatched up to play prison wife for a strange man named Sherlock Holmes.

Disguise by kaalee (55K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock's disguises are little more than a nuisance to John until one day he walks into the kitchen dressed as someone from John's past, someone John had tried to forget.

Evidence of Human Life by thesardine (16K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock's sanity deteriorates while he and John are stranded on a deserted island.

Floriography by lbmisscharlie (21K, M, Johnlock, Warstan) Florist!AU - Sherlock is a florist and he's doing the flowers at the wedding of John Watson and Mary Morstan. John's about to marry his best friend in the world. He's happy, in love, and content with Mary. So why can't he get tall, enigmatic man who did the flowers at his wedding out of his mind?

Getting Better by noxcandida (75K, T, Gen) Tristram Holmes dreads attending his new primary school, fearing he'll be teased and bullied as usual. Only, nothing goes exactly as he thinks it will when he finds himself with a seemingly unlikely friend in Emily Watson.

In My Master's House 'Verse by BrighteyedJill (185K, E, Johnlock, Mystrade) As a new slave in the Holmes household, John is having trouble finding his place. (This series began posting in 2011 and continued until 2014)

In The Land Of The Blind by entanglednow (12K, M, Johnlock) Apocalypse.

Indecorous by Basingstoke (55K, E, Johnlockary but it’s a different Mary than in the show) In which John learns to balance a kinky girlfriend, an asexual boyfriend, a ten-inch cock, his sister, the neighbours, his friends, and his blog. Some are more balanced than others.

Lacuna by coloredink (15K, E, Johnlock) God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

Let's Make a Bed Out in the Rain by theimprobable1 (17K, M, Johnlock and Warstan) John is devastated after his long-term girlfriend leaves him. Sherlock helps him through it.

Level 65 Paladin Looking for Group by etothepii (10K, T, Gen) "I think I met someone," John says at his next therapist's appointment. "A friend." "Really?" Ella asks. She sounds pleased, and also surprised. "What's his name?" John nods. "Really. His name's Sherlock. He -- he plays the same game as me, the online one. We party together."

Major Pieces by Lindentreeisle (31K, T, Gen) Sherlock knew that he could thoroughly rely upon John Watson's moral sense. And that's why he knew that Lestrade was wrong, wrong, wrong.

My Phone’s on Vibrate For You by misslucyjane (21K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock texts John all the time. Today’s different.

Never-Ending Cycle (orphaned) (17K, T, Johnlock) Or, four times Sherlock Holmes attempted to propose to John Watson, and the Christmas Party at which he finally did. Sherlock thinks he's a miserable failure, John is confused, Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade provide some unsatisfactory advice, and Mummy is, as always, the solution. All in a lovely, fluffy holiday theme.

On The Ice by berlynnwohl (35K, E, Johnlock) "Sherlock, I once saw you taste a vacuum cleaner attachment that had been used as a murder weapon, so can we please not pretend that Dungeons and Dragons is too weird for you?"

Parallel by brbsoulnomming (77K, M, Johnlock) There's a case at a secondary school/University, some series of threats or string of bizarre murders that has the entire campus shaken. In the course of the investigation, Sherlock and John meet two students. And, because they both want to help with the investigation, they get to watch them become friends and fall a little in love. And that makes them feel things about themselves that they've been working very hard to not feel, thank you.

Secondary Exposure by thesardine (18K, T, Gen) After twenty years, the killer who abducted John as a child has resurfaced.  Now John and Sherlock must track him down before he claims another victim, and at the same time navigate the shifting nature of their relationship.

Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc by etothepii (20K, M, Johnlock) "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. It's the family motto." "What does it mean?" "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us." (Addams Family crossover)

The Art Of Seduction by flawedamythyst (97K, E, Johnlock, Mystrade, Sheriarty, John/OMC, Sherlock/OMC) Sherlock ran a website called The Science Of Seduction, on which he gave advice on the best ways to get laid, wrote blog entries detailing the results of his various sexual 'experiments' and generally contributed to the stereotype of 'every gay man is a sex-mad playboy'. John avoided the thing like the plague. AU in which Sherlock treats sex like he does crime in canon.

The Baker Street Series by magicbunni (199K, T, Gen with background John/Sarah) Conspiracy and murder find Sherlock Holmes and John Watson surrounded by covert enemies in the heart of Scotland Yard. Together, they unearth clues that illuminate the scope, depth, and distorted psychology behind the crime. And, after a preemptive strike ordered by the mastermind they pursue, Holmes elects to continue the investigation under conditions that will force John Watson to fight for his friend's -- colleague's -- life.

The Penultimate Problem by Random_Nexus (18K, E, Johnlock) Angst, apocalypse-light, pseudo-hiatus, and other hijinx ensue.

The Love Song of Dr. John H. Watson by Kate_Lear (11K, E, Johnlock) John takes Sherlock out for the evening on Valentine's Day.

The Perfect Specimen by Cleo2010 (27K, E, Johnlock) After seeing John undressed for the first time and making certain observations, Sherlock quickly becomes obsessed with a certain body part belonging to his flatmate. This is the story of how that first sighting came to be and the following attempts to learn more. An unashamed masturbation-fest, first person and very detailed. It's rated explicit for a good reason!

The Poster Girl by stardust_made (67K, M, Gen) A seemingly straightforward case has Lestrade calling for Sherlock's help. Written from John's POV, this story takes place two months after the events in "The Great Game" and follows the investigation of the murder of Veronica Havisham: seventeen, popular—and murdered in Hainault Forrest on a Friday night in June.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (62K, E, Johnlock, Warstan) “I had,” he said, “come to an entirely erroneous conclusion, my dear Watson, how dangerous it always is to reason from insufficient data.”

The Pull of One Magnet to Another by ellie_hell (46K, M, Johnlock) Mummy has arranged Mycroft’s marriage with an ex-army doctor. However, John meets Sherlock first, and sparks fly.

The Top-Secret Livejournal of Sherlock Holmes by malacophilous (23K, M, Johnlock, Sarah/John, Sherstrade) Sherlock has a Livejournal, which he updates constantly via his mobile phone and netbook. Everyone offline thinks that he's this stoic super-genius, when in reality he's a bonkers super-genius.

There's A First Time For Everything by Kate_Lear (21K, E, Johnlock) A series of 'firsts' in Sherlock's life.

Those Left Behind by nickelsandcoats (33K, E, Johnlock) After the events of The Great Game, Sherlock is on the hunt for revenge as John waits for Sherlock to join him. But deception abounds as both men struggle to come to terms with the paths their lives have taken.

What Makes Us Rich by flawedamythyst (31K, E, Johnlock) Agreeing on a compromise is one thing, living with it is quite another.

Whirlwind by rubyofkukundu (19K, E, Johnlock) You may be familiar with the following fanon ideas: 1. Sherlock was very sexually active at university. 2. It was while John was a student that he discovered he was bisexual. I decided to put the two together :D

[shortstoriesbyescher]

What If?

“What if I gave him a chance? What if we tried?” A girl looking up in the sky and asking herself what if? represents Zia while the mountain she’s standing on represents how hard letting go is. It's really difficult to let go of things that we desperately want to keep. At some point in our lives, we have all been faced with the decision of whether to let go of or hold on to something or someone. Letting go is one of the hardest things we have to do in our lives, yet it is sometimes the only way to get ourselves to go forward. 

The cold wind touches my skin as the water slowly falls down my cheeks. It’s been months but I still can't accept it. Things become messy and get out of hand. My head is filled with bombarded questions that will never be answered. 

“Zia, wake up! We need to go there at 8”. I opened my eyes and got out of my bed when my mom knocked again. While on our way to her new place, I can’t prevent thinking about the memories we had since we were little.

“Hey do you see the new guy, he looks so sad, c'mon let's talk to him,” Stella said and grabbed me towards the back part of our classroom. There, I saw a new boy who’s sitting beside the window. He is just a typical nerdy boy with hazelnut eyes, long eyelids, and his skin is like an almond that shines because of the sunlight. His hair is a little bit curly that makes him cute-- wait, did I just say cute? Oh my gosh! “Sorry she’s a bit preoccupied, but her name is Zia,” Stella said and nudged me.

“Hello Zia and Stella, I’m Luis. Nice to meet you both”, and that was where our trio-friendship started.

After a year, we all graduated elementary and spent a month of summer vacation in Ilocos before our parents decided that they would enroll us in the same academy. At first, we had a happy normal life, and I, being confused with my feelings for Luis not until-- Years later, Stella and Luis leveled up their relationship and became official lovers. Then our lives suddenly changed when Stella and I  were involved in a car accident where she hit her head on the window of our school bus when it crashed on a tree. 

It's been months, I thought we are all getting better and we’re moving on from that accident but things started to become blurry. Stella is always having headaches and feeling numbness sometimes. “Don’t be sad, I promise you that I’m going to visit the both of you here every summer”, she said and hugged me and Luis. We watched her turn around and walk in the opposite direction with her parents until they became smaller and smaller; until I cannot see them anymore. 

“This is the final boarding call for passengers on flight 372A to Washington City. Please proceed to gate 3 immediately. The final checks are being completed and the captain will order for the doors of the aircraft to close in approximately five minutes. I repeat. This is the final boarding call for passengers on flight 372A. Thank you”.

We keep our connection with Stella through video calls although it is very hard to keep our communication especially since we have different time zones. Every week Luis and I will call Stella to tell all our stupid stories to her, but I’ve noticed that as the months passed by Luis will always have private conversations with her which will escalate ending up him ending the call. But rather than ask them both, I’ll just let it off because it might be about their relationship at hand. I may not have any romantic relationships but I can say it’s hard to have an LDR.

One night while chilling in Luis’ house, I received a text from Stella and I can’t help but scream with excitement as I read the text ‘ clear up your schedule for Saturday you are the first person I want to see;) ’. Luis can’t help but look at what I’m reading on my phone, but I was confused by his reaction. He looks concerned and confused. But, why? He should be happy because his girlfriend is going home. Then, he immediately grabbed his phone and called Stella, and went straight to his room.

“Zia, I told you we’re too early” Luis complained while stomping his foot. He’s so childish. We were just 2 hrs early, I would rather wait in the airport than beat the rush hour. “ZIA!” someone shouted and I knew very well who owns that voice so I turned around with a big smile to greet her. But my smile faded a bit as I noticed that she lost a few pounds but I didn't mind because maybe she worked out in the U.S. So, I quickly ran to hug her and as I hugged her tightly I looked up at Tita Annalise, her mom, at her back asking if something’s wrong. I felt relief when she sweetly smiled at me and said everything was fine.

With Stella back home, Luis and I spend our entire summer in Stella’s house. Luis and I will bring snacks and watch movies and we will bond all day long. Till one day, while we're chasing around her room, she collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. We followed the ambulance to the hospital and with my face stained with tears I searched for my best friend. Then I saw her entering a private room, but Luis and I decided to just wait outside until the doctors were gone.

As I come inside, I can’t help but ask, “what is going on with you? Just tell me so I can understand”. I was sobbing through my words hoping she understood. But instead of getting any clarifications, I was now filled with regret and resentment.

“Please I don’t want you to be sad, I’m really tired. I’m sorry, Zia. Also, be happy I know you have feelings for Luis so promise me that you won’t feel any guilt just because you like him. It’s okay for me, I’m not mad, I’m happy that finally, both of you have your own time. Now, I can really rest. Remember that I will never forget you, I love you my best friend, Zia.”

That was the last conversation we had, and I know that- that will be the last time I will hear her voice. “Hey, we’re here”, dad called me and guided me as I got down from our car. From afar, I saw her near Luis. We slowly walk towards them as the cold wind touches my skin and as the water slowly falls down my cheeks. But I quickly wiped my tears and bravely held my head high. It’s been two months but it is still hard for me to accept that Stella is gone. I can now see the faces of all the people who lied to me about her condition. I look at Tita Annalise and I can still remember every single word she told me.

“The day you had the car accident, we thought that- that was just a simple headache caused by the impact, but we’re wrong. Stella had a stage 3 brain tumor at that time, but she didn't want you to be worried about her so she chose to go to America for her treatment. We all thought that she would recover, but she can’t hold on to her chemotherapy. Then the doctor told us that she only has approximately nine-month to live, and that is when our little girl decided to go back here and make the most of her time making memories with us.”

I look at her picture that is placed on her tombstone. I was the one who took that picture, her big round eyes, perfect smile, thick eyebrows that match her eyelids, her laugh and giggles, I can still hear all of that. But why Stella? Why didn't you tell me? I’m your best friend, why did you do this to me? I am now bombarded with questions that will never be answered because the only person who can answer those is already resting in heaven.

After the mass, Luis and I decided to talk to clear up all the things we left behind. We went to a cafe for a while and ordered some snacks before we went back to the cemetery. We both just sat down in front of Stellas’ grave. He tried to break the silence but I couldn't even open my mouth to talk. It seems like there is something that blocks my throat. 

“There’s no one here, you can cry now. Don’t hold your tears. You can cry now, like how you used to cry to me every time you had small fights with Stella.” He said while looking into my eyes. And that was my signal to cry and break down after all that happened. After Stella died. I talk to no one except my parents. I cried hard for a few minutes and as I quieted down he approached and hugged me but that made me cry again and questioned him.

“You already knew her condition before she went to Washington, but why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him.

“Because she told me not to tell you and I made a promise to her”

“But her condition must be exempted, Luis! She’s our Stella, my best friend, your girlfriend!. I can’t help but shout at him. 

“Because I made a promise, Zia, please listen to me. You know me, you know how important promises are to me”.

Out of frustration, I broke down again and as I calmed down he started to talk again, “After she fled to the U.S., she broke up with me and told me to pursue you”.

I stared at him and gaped but I avoided my gaze immediately. I can't stare at him any longer while I'm a hot mess.

“Stella is a very smart woman I’ve known, she knew when to fight and when to surrender. Our relationship was formed right after primary school and as we got older, both of us grew and matured individually and realized that we both fell out of love. Maybe because we just misunderstood our feelings at that time. That it’s not really loved like a partner, but love as a sister and brother. Then, she told me that she noticed the way I look at you as we spend time together. I know it's not the right time to ask this, but I want to know your side” he said as I looked into his eyes.

I breathed out before I answered his question, “ I like you.” I saw how his eyes glistened for a moment until he heard what I said next.

“I like you until now, but all the things are messed up. So please Luis, you’re the only one I have right now, and our friendship is more important to me and I don't want to lose you. I think it is better for the both of us to stay like this, you're my best friend and I’m your best friend. We're still in college, you'll meet other girls along the way and I'll support you with who you want to be. Just please let's stay friends. I hope you understand”

He chuckled and said, “ I know you're going to reject me but I never thought it would hurt this bad. I just tried to shoot my shot but I guess it was bad timing. Still, remember I'll always be here for you as a friend. Thank you for clarifying  Zia. Love you both” as we both stared at her grave.

Years have passed, I’m already working as a nurse in St. Luke Medical Center. It was a sunny morning when I woke up. Today is my day off, so I decided to go to the supermarket to restock my needs in my condo. On my way to my unit, I saw a package outside my door, so I picked it up and went inside. As I saw it was from Luis I immediately opened the package. My heart started to beat faster when I saw a silver envelope inside. I reached for it inside the box and carefully opened it. It is an invitation letter for his wedding next month. It's been years but still, there’s a part of me that is regretful with my decision before. 

What if I gave him a chance? What if we tried? There are a lot of what-ifs that will be left unanswered.

But I’m happy for him, because finally after years, he found his true love. I remember one quote I’ve read, ‘one of the happiest moments in our lives is when we find the courage to let go of what we cannot change’. And I think I need to accept all the things happening to me right now because I’m the one who puts myself in this situation. So I'm responsible for what I will do to move forward in my life. And maybe soon I can accept that there is no fairytale for the both of us.

[goodnightallwhites]

Loving couples descent this time with interracial By Skiddely

Loving couples descent this time with interracial 

By Skiddely 

Submitted: March 7, 2020 Updated: March 7, 2020 

Its the same story as "A loving couples descent into cuckolding." Except this one has a specific focus on interracial relationships. I know most people dont like this stuff so i decided to make an alternative version of the story. This should make both sides happy. Or mad. Who knows. 

Provided by Hentai Foundry.

Chapter 1 - Little Talks 2 

Chapter 2 - Buying toys 5 

Chapter 3 - I cant think of any chapter names 12 

Chapter 4 - Not like anyone cares about chapter names either 

16 

Chapter 5 - Interracial gloryhole fun Part 1 22 

Chapter 6 - Interracial gloryhole fun Part 2 28 

1 - Little Talks 

“Listen, we gotta talk. No, no its nothing serious I just want to talk. Come on baby take a seat.” Your girlfriend, well fiancée if you want to be specific, usually wasn’t into the whole “serious talk thing”. She was easy going, never bringing drama into your relationship, always ready for a new adventure. Nothing could stop her from expending her energy. And she does have a lot of energy. Energy she usually spends with rigorous exercise. Hitting the gym, cardio, kickboxing, dancing and so much more, anything she could do to properly tire her out and to truly satisfy her need to feel truly exhausted. Once things for sure, her need for exercise definitely showed. Her squats had made her butt and thighs massive. Her muscles were made of steel, but even despite the cardio she still retained a nice and comfortable layer of fat that kept her warrior body from becoming uncomfortably hard. Burying your head in her thigs, getting a lap pillow, there’s nothing more comfortable than that. Luckily she had good fortune in the DNA department, seeing as how her fat deposits hit just the right spots. Soft where it counts with banging abs any man would drool over. An ass that wont quit is one thing, her ample D-cups another. Unmistakably perky and perfectly shaped her breasts drew the attention of both men and women. What they didn’t get to see though were her nipples. Well neither did you. Or she. She was a bit self-conscious about them, seeing as how her innies were usually hidden from the world. It took a bit of coaxing and gentle sucking to expose them to the world, but it was worth it. Sensitive, stiff pink nipples that could make her scream in pleasure with just the slightest bit of stimulation. Any man could see that with a body like her she was simply born to pleasure black guys. She was made for them. Inferior white boys wouldn’t even be able to get past her cheeks! It really was her destiny to be black bred. 

Of course her body wasn’t everything she had going for her. Her body made their heads turn, but her face shifted their attention. It was a sensual face, sculpted by the god of love himself. Plush pink lips made men and women wish for her kisses, a delicate nose adorned her face, Icey blue eyes could see deep into men’s souls and a pair of sharp eyebrows that gave her look a slightly dangerous appeal. Whenever she was mad at you, which only happened rarely, she set those eyes on you, melting your heart quicker than an icecube in the sun. Seeing her pout was also quite nice. She could change her look in seconds, going from sensual to cute to mature in a moments notice, all while remaining perfectly genuine. She wasn’t an actress, no her emotions were written plainly on her face, something she was very aware of. When she was mad she usually hides her face under her hair, a messy look that only works when she untangles the blonde ponytail she usually keeps at almost hip length. Her silky hair was definitely another strong point of her. Ponytail, messy bun, twin tails, doesn’t matter she could rock it all. Her hair was made to be grabbed, to be pulled by a black alpha male thug who could really give her what she needed. She was undeniably cute, the object of many men’s desire to be sure, but then again so were you. Its certainly surprising that she’s not in a relationship with a musclebound black hunk with a 10 inch BBC, settling down with you instead. You on the other hand were not exactly the posterchild for traditional masculinity. You were smaller than her, had less muscle and had a noticeably feminine build. Wide hips a cute face that many girls would kill for, small shoulders, delicate hands and feet, thighs for days, everything a girl (or hunk) could ask for really. The only exceptional part about you would probably be how unexceptional your private parts were. 12cm (4,7inches) erect puts your clearly under the national average and your walnut sized testicles that only produce small amounts of watery seed were nothing to 

write home about either. 

And yet you two were together. Have been together since primary school really. Your parents knew each other, you were always together, playing house, dress up, cops and robbers, everything that children do together. This didn’t change as you got older. You were always together and when you eventually got into puberty and started to develop interest in the opposite sex it was inevitable that you two would get together. You haven’t been apart since then. Well there was that one period in time when you made her mad and she broke up with you for a month. She did go out with this black guy she met on a city trip to detroit during that time, but that was all just an attempt at making you jealous, right? Regardless, you’re living a perfect life now. You’re both young and attractive, you have a well paying job, your wife stays at home and greets you with a homecooked meal every day in your nice penthouse apartment. She had proposed to you a while ago, getting down on one knee in that expensive restaurant that oversees the whole city. It was perfect really. And now your fiancée has been talking about children and pregnancy. How much better can it get? So what could she possibly want to talk about now? 

“Come here baby lets give you a smooch... you really are so incredibly cute when you blush like that. Just lay back, I know how much you like it when I let you use my thighs as a pillow. Now listen, we have to talk about something. I want you to promise me that you’ll listen to me to the end without interrupting, can you do that? Good boy. Well you see, I was fixing up your office yesterday, cleaning some of the dust and getting your stuff back in order. You really can be so unorganized. Anyways, as I was saying, I was cleaning your office and I happened to move your mouse as I was dusting off your desk and well... I accidentally clicked on your internet browser and it seems as though it didn’t shut off properly last time you used it and well... It opened up your browser from that evening. Now I’ve always wanted whats best for you. That’s why I always ask what you’d like to do in the bedroom. The cosplay and the... the buttstuff you like... and the facesitting... I just want you to be satisfied and happy when we’re together you know... so I was a little bit shocked when I saw your browser. I really couldn’t stop myself from looking through everything. Black on white cuckolding. Small white penis humiliation. Rimming black men. Pegging. Enforced whiteboi chastity. Cum eating. Cock and ball torture and even mandatory castration for all tiny pricked whiteboys? I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a bit shocked. All those videos of white boys being humiliated, unable to get off as their girlfriends are getting pleasured by superior blackmen with their big black cocks? So many videos of fertile white women eating ass on BlackedRaw? At first I was horrified and was thinking about finding therapy for you. I heard there’s a Doctor Ziegler in town, she’s apparently specialized in this kind of stuff, but eventually I started to understand. I looked up information on the internet, stories from people that experienced this kind of stuff, the cuckolding stuff, getting BLACKED, professional domes talking about getting paid to trample men’s testicles, how male chastity actually benefits a relationship, all of that. It really began to intrigue me. I actually found some very interesting infographs on why exactly white women prefer black cock. How black cock hits our sweet spots just right, melaning receptors in the vagina, alpha male stuff. You know me, I’m straight forward like that. Its why I decided to get it all out on the table here and now. I was going to ask you if this was just a fantasy you want to keep for yourself, but looking at that wet spot in your pants and that tiny little tent you’re pitching, I can tell that you’re really enjoying this, aren’t you baby?” Her chuckles were always a great way to cheer you up. Hearing her chuckle about your small erection in your pants was new though. She had never made fun of your feminine physique, unlike that guys back at school she always supported you. Having her betray that confidence and understanding was something you never had expected. And whats worse is that you’d never have expected it to be this arousing. With one hand she caresses your head, going through your hair, massaging your scalp gently. 

With the other she pleasantly begins to rub your little cock through your pants. 

“Well I also have a little confession. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I never talked about it, but I think you’re able to take it now. Maybe you’ll even enjoy it a little huh baby? Well here goes. The reason why I always tire myself out exercising is because I’ve never been tired out in the bedroom. We’ve been together for years now and you haven’t properly satisfied me during that entire time. No its alright baby don’t be mad. Its just that you don’t have the right equipment down there. I know you eat pussy like a champ and I really enjoy that, but sometimes a gal needs something a little different. Something big to really stir her up from the inside, make her feel like a real woman. Sometimes women just need to be messed up, have their hair pulled as a thick cock forces its way inside of her. Having her head pushed down into the sheets to stop her from moaning, getting choked by muscle bound black thug until she’s barely even conscious anymore and the only thing she can think of is his fat black cock getting her addicted. You know, just girl things.” You’re a little bit shocked, but the sensation of getting your tiny white cocklet rubbed by her hands is enough to drown out everything else. You need to please her so she can please you so you can please her. Making her happy is what your life is all about after all. “I really like these fantasies. They got me thinking, why don’t we try roleplaying some of them? We’ll buy ourselves some toys and reenact some of your fantasies. Have a little fun together. We could sit down and watch some of your favorite little smut movies while we masturbate. We could look up some of those infographics I was talking about. They’re great at explaining why women cant be satisfied by anything under 8 inches. That should help you understand why exactly you’ve never sexually satisfied me. What do you think, doesn’t that sound fun?” She had increased her rhythmic strokes over your pants, the sensation of her warmth through the fabric causing you to dribble out even more of your precum. Watching cuckold porn with your girlfriend, hearing her talk about how much thicker and better their big black cocks are and how you couldn’t possibly compare to them? Letting her squeeze your testicles to release the pent up rage of an unsatisfied sex life? It sounds like heaven. Even if she wasn’t coercing you with an over the clothes handjob you would’ve said yes immediately. Hearing you whisper your consent caused her to pick up the pace even further, focusing more on your foreskin covered glans. With two of her fingers she twirls your cocklet around, using both the fabric of your pants aswell as your foreskin to stimulate it. With just those two fingers she finishes you off, applying more pressure than before, twisting and turning her fingers around your glans until you finally hit the crescendo and the warm watery jizz stains your pants completely. 

“I’m really happy you’re into this as much as I am. I was afraid you’d be freaked out by the whole thing. Lets go out shopping for some toys tomorrow, its your day off isn’t it? Perfect. We’ll look for some toys in that store my friend works at. She’ll give us some great advice, I just know it. And after that we’ll come back home, set up some candles, drink a little bit of wine and settle down right here on the sofa to look at our favourite movies!” 

2 - Buying toys 

“Alright I’ll be the first one to say it: I’m excited. I’m really really excited. I told Mia we were coming and she sounded just as excited it about as me. We were both squeeling on the phone when I told her we’d come buy to do some shopping. I’m glad you weren’t there to hear it. Embarrassing stuff. There it is, that one on the corner. The big one.” This was less of a sextoy shop and more of a sex toy mekkah. There were at least 3 floors of toys, movies and more XXX NSFW work stuff in that shop. At least that what it looks like from the outside. And apparently this Mia lady was the owner of the whole thing. Seems like she made it big with stocks or something and now she’s just doing this whole sexshop thing for the hell of it. That would also explain how she could afford this place. Just from the outside anyone could tell that this isn’t some raunchy run of the mill sex shed. The automatic doors open up to provide a nice retreat from the summer heat. Your girlfriend was wearing a nice airy summer dress, but even despite that, the sweat was pooling between her breasts, dripping down from her thighs. It wasn’t much easier for you. Thanks to your girly appearance, your girlfriend used to enjoy dressing you up when you were both a bit younger. That hasn’t changed too much. Your girlfriend really enjoys to dress you up in girly clothes, pretending you’re just another cute friend of hers as you’re out on the town. At first you were against it, but crossdressing has become a guilty pleasure long ago. So here you are, wearing your red and black checkered skirt and a white shirt that is already almost see through on account of your sweat. The only thing that’s different from the usual is the fact that she’s also making you wear women underwear. This is certainly a new development, but as it turns out, her jetblack panties are actually quite comfortable. The bra though? Who even makes a bra like this? It’s a bra for people that don’t need a bra. And leaving the nipples exposed? That just defeats the point of a bra! Its no wonder that your nipples are hard the entire time, rubbing against the fabric of your shirt. 

Thankfully the place was completely air conditioned. And surprisingly full besides. There were couples and single women in every aisle browsing the wares. It looks like the ground floor wasn’t really dedicated to the more extreme side of carnal pleasure. The entire ground floor seems to be dedicated to exotic lingerie, dessous, erotic costumes for exotic roleplay, cosplay and just all around normal, yet high class underwear. Its not exactly what you expected. It’s a lot nicer than what you expected, that’s for sure. Another thing that you didn’t expect was Mia. Having not taken 3 steps into the interior of the place you were already detected. And assaulted. Never before have you seen a woman go for a running jump-hug with your girlfriend. Its not something that normally happens to you, but it seems like she was already expecting, consider how easily she catches the woman in her arms, spinning her around and around and around before letting her down gently. She wasn’t exactly what you had imagined when she told you about Mia. About 5’4, hair a shade of black tied up in a neat bun, a nice plump rear with fairly small breasts all tucked into a neat jeans and shirt combo. What’s unexpected about her would be the piercings she flaunted. Her ears were just covered in bling, a ring adorned her left eyebrow, snakebites in her lower lip and a little stud in her nose took all the attention away from the barbell nipple piercings anyone could see as they print through her shirt. A small tattoo adorned her face, just below the left eye. It was small enough to be covered up by a Band-Aid if need be. A black ace of spades with a Q in the middle. The woman was undeniably attractive, but the ornaments in her face gave her a lingering sense of danger. One that instantly 

dissipates as she begins to speak. 

“Oh my god! Its been so long since I’ve last seen you! Look at you, strutting your stuff like that. You’re looking even finer than last time I saw you. Just take a look at those thighs. Just delicious. I’d like to take another peek at what’s between them if you don’t mind. Haha just kidding just kidding. It really is great to see you though. And who is this cute little girl by your side? Just kidding, I can tell you’re mister boyfriend from the way you’re squirming. She’s making you wear panties isn’t she? I already knew your woman was a genuine pervert, but its good to see that she has found someone else to share her kinks. Lets go somewhere a little less crowded and a little more comfortable. I want to hear all about you two. I’ll make sure both of you come out of here entirely satisfied. With a sly grin she gestures both of you to follow her. In a quiet corner on the second floor she had a nice little couch corner set up. One of her employees was bringing you coffee and tea as you sat down in the comfy little part of her toy store. The second floor seems to be what most people would consider to be a “proper” sextoy store. Dildos, vibrators, bondage gear, rope, masturbation sleeves and even stranger things were on display here. “So tell me, what are you looking for today? You already told me a little bit, but didn’t go into any details. Your cute little boyfriend isn’t packing the heat you need and now you’re looking for something to get your rocks off?” She hadn’t said it with malice and yet, knowing that your wife shared your tiny little secret with her friend still stung. Your cheeks flush red with embarrassment over your humiliation. 

“Aww baby don’t be mad. We have to be honest here, that’s the whole point! Mia is not only a very good friend, she’s also the worlds best sex toy expert. Now let me explain. A few days ago I accidentally stumbled on over his web browser and got a look at his search history and of course I was shocked at the start, but I’ve come to realize that we love each other and that we should our lovemaking to the next level. So now we’re here. We’re looking for some fun toys that we can use, maybe some we could use together? See my boyfriend is into a lot of different kinks. He likes to have his anus stimulated for example. Gets him hard and, with a tiny bit of handy help, squirting in an instant. I only used one finger so far, but it I could tell he was just begging for more. What else. Well he enjoys this thing called SPH. Its short for “small penis humiliation”. I don’t know if there are any toys for that but we should keep that in mind while we’re looking. Oh yes cock and ball torture. That’s a big one. There were a lot of videos of women squeezing men’s testicles, putting them in vices, beating them, electroshocking, all of that. There’s got to be a big department for that right? Last but not least: He’s really into cuckolding. Well the fantasy of me getting breed by handsome black men really. We havent tried it, but it does sound very exciting, don’t you think?” With every word your girlfriend said you could see Mia’s eyes light up further. She was already going through a mental list of every toy in her store to see just what would fit you both. 

“You’re in luck. This store has everything you could ever want and more. There’s really no need to be embarrassed. You see my boytoy, really more like my slave, he’s also into all of those kinks. Well not into SPH, he has a 9 incher, but everything else he’s totally into. He’s still a whiteboy so I wouldn’t ever let him get some You should meet him, maybe a double date? We’re actually thinking about getting pregnant but even if I wanted a whiteboy to impregnate me, ugh, I know right, he can’t even produce any swimmers anymore with all this casual testicle torture I put him under. I actually had his sperm checked out a while ago. We did some kinky shit together and I wanted to know if he was even able to produce sperm still. After that one time where I ruptured both of his testicles by stomping on them I felt like having a little laugh and decided to get his semen checked out. What can I say, another whiteboy leaves the DNA pool. What else is new? Anyways, we decided that I 

should just black bred while he watches and holds my hands. Its nice to indulge ourselves. What were we talking about? Ah right, sextoys. Toystore. Yup. Why don’t we start with some of the simple stuff. We’ll find you a nice little toy to stuff your snatch with. That should be a good way to ease you guys into this.” Having completed your tea time, the three of you go on your journey through the second floor. You passed some crazy stuff on the way. Dildo’s so big they could kill a man, dildos shaped like animal penises, horsecocks and dogcocks, buttplugs that could double as traffic cones, you even found some of those hentai bullet vibes you always though didn’t even exist. Eventually you hit the dildo isle that was made with humans in mind. Mia doesn’t need to look for too long before she finds what she’s looking for. 

“This baby right here. Its our best seller and I have to say, for beginners this is definetly the best choice. I mean you clearly havent been stretched out properly lately, not since we were going wild in uni atleast.” Wait what? Sure, your girlfriend attended uni without you, but you were still together during that time. You were the only successful long distance relationship in the world! “Haha look at you squirm mister boyfriend. I was just kidding. Anyways, this one is a nice 8 incher, all of it insertable, with a 5 inch girth. Its actually almost 3 inches longer and half an inch thicker than the average penis out there. Its not the sizequeens choice, but it’ll get you there in time. This one isn’t a real BBC, way too small so it actually comes in different colours but we don’t actually stock those here. This place is black only if you catch my drift.” Your girlfriend is quite happy with what she has, suggesting instead, that the three of you look for something for something you can enjoy. 

“Alright just follow me over here. Now I know you’re still new to anal, one finger in is just like third base, so you’re still a virgin. With anal you gotta start slow. So I’d recommend training your way up. This right here is a set of buttplugs that are great as a starting toy. They come in 3 different sizes. That way you have something to look forward to every time you manage to take one in. Now this right here is our intermediate toy. The missing link between those plugs and your girlfriends new lover. Its more average, only 5 inches insertable length. Nothing a woman would actually feel, but for anal it should be good enough. Once you got this one you can try taking hers. And while we’re at that topic... here you go. It’s a harness. You can put a dildo right there and fuck your partner with it. There’s nothing quite like a relaxing pegging session to reward your sub. Having him impale himself on your massive girlcock. It’s a classic.” With each new item in the bag, the entire thing becomes more real and also more exciting. Just the thought of actually using these toys makes your heart beat so much faster. After purchasing copious amounts of lube, some of it the classic water based liquid lube, some of it a king of butter like lube that’s often used for fisting, as well as a bunch of condoms (gotta keep those toys clean of course), you’re once again back at the sofa corner drinking some tea together. “Thank you so much Ami. Really, this is fantastic. There’s just so many choices! I really do feel like a kid in a toy store. I just wanted to ask, since we’re already here... what about some of the more... special stuff? You know the CBT stuff? I was also wondering if you guys made like... uhm... you know chastity cages and stuff?” Once again your girlfriend surprises you. You hadn’t even talked about chastity at all. You were only supposed to buy some toys so you could masturbate together... “There’s nothing to be ashamed of! Say it loud and proud. Chastity cage. Cock and ball torture. See, the world is still standing. Some people like more exotic stuff, no big deal! Now to answer your question, 

yes we do have chastity and CBT toys. They’re up on the third floor. We actually have some glory holes up there as well, so if your boyfriend ever wanted to get himself a little bit of extra cash, boyholes are in high demand at the moment. He’d have to train a little bit considering how many customers we get every day, but once you get the hang of it, its really a lot of fun. If you’re lucky you can actually get your ass plowed by 7 or 8 cocks on the same day! Imagine having 8 niggers mix and stir their nutbutter inside of your asshole with their thick fuckpoles. Gets a gal wet just thinking about. We’re actually fixing your toys in the wall for their shift so their whole butt sticks out along with their cock. Their hands and feet are also exposed to give our clients the feeling that they’re actually fucking a person, not just a fleshlight on the other side of the wall. So if you’re ever in need of cash, just let me know and I’ll arrange something for you.” Her smile was genuinely heartwarming and if it hadn’t been for the fact that you were an anal virgin boy with a girlfriend and a job, you might have even taken her up on that offer. You take the elevator up to the third floor. While the first floor was bustling, the second fairly full, this one was just plain empty. And it was pretty clear why. This place only the serious fetish stuff. Pins and needles, vices and rubber hammers, urethral dilators and even gear for animal castration. This place was heavy metal. 

Mia led you to another corner of the store, this one bathed in sunlight from the windows right next to it. Infront of the three of you there’s a counter which, according to the sign hanging above it was for “custom made chastity”. Behind the corner a bored youth was busy chewing gum and reading an old vintage bondage magazine. Mia clears her throat to catch the young womans attention. 

“wuh. OH SHIT! I was busy uh... researching. Yup researching into my craft. Dude you know what they say, you gotta start with the greeks and these vintage porn mags are basically the greeks of bondage. Are you convinced yet?” Mia was not. 

“Jade, say hello to my dear friends. You’ll fix them the perfect piece of chastity and then you’ll be coming with me for some... performance reviews.” As she finishes her sentence, Mia bites her lower lip sensually, clearly indicating that these would be some very special performance reviews. The prospect of which got the young lady on her best behavior however. She was quite the beauty herself. Not like Mia or your girlfriend, but she certainly had a charm to her. Her Long black hair was died with poison green highlights all the way down to the tips which were died completely. Unlike your other female companions, Jade was a lot taller, approaching the 190cm (6,2 feet) mark. She was thinner than the other women and her posture was worse, slightly hunched over. This gave her the look of a lanky gal that wasn’t quite certain what to do with her stature. She had the potential to be beautiful in a conventional way if she put on some weight, some muscle and fixed that posture of hers, but convention clearly wasn’t much of a concern to her. Just like Mia, her ears were pierced, not as heavily, but enough to draw attention. Coupled with the pink contact lenses and the two heart shaped pink piercings under her eye, as well as the two poison green piercing on her nose she definetly stood out amongst the crowd. Her studded leather choker, elbow long fingerless gloves and fishnet stockings coupled with some very very short jean shorts made her stand out even further. And those tattoo’s. She had vines adorned with black spades running up and down her thighs and arms, a spade tattoo with a Q on her cheek similar to the one Mia has, A black heart with a little picture of a bunny on her arm and a tramp stamp that read “Snowbunny”. 

“Alright boss! Don’t worry Boss! Dude i’ll like fix them the best belts this place has ever seen. Now like which one of you fine looking ladies is the domme and which one’s the sub? Dude, If I had to guess you’d be the sub little skirt lady. I’m so glad we get more lesbian couples that are into chastity. Its so rare lesbians to really experience their kinky side.” Both Mia and your girlfriend burst out laughing at her nice, but ultimately futile attempts at kink small talk. Jade could hardly believe your girlfriend when she told her who, or rather what you really were. Only when she flipped up your skirt and revealed the small bulge in your panties did she concede defeat. “Dude. I’ve got to say, I’ve seen a lot of guys in my time. A lot of those girly trap types coming in with black masters. Like A lot of cute looking femdudes, but you definitely take the cake. You are, without a single doubt, the cutest man I’ve ever had the pleasure of serving here. Just like come over here and take a seat in the backroom, I’ll have to measure you properly to see what dimensions your cage should have.” What other choice do you have at this point? I didn’t come as a surprise that your girlfriend as well as Mia decided to join you on your little cruise to humiliation central. Having a complete stranger measure you for a cage that’s made to keep your small penis from getting erect? What could possibly be more humiliating. The backroom had an impressive setup. A chair that wouldn’t be the least bit out of place in a gynecologists office dominated the center of the room. Of course the seat of honor was reserved for you. Jade asks you to remove your panties, seeing as how they would block her view of the goods. Without any underwear you take a seat in the chair. With a few nimble movements you’re lying on your back, legs spread out, up and to the side to reveal your small manhood to the three, very attractive women in the room. You really cant be blamed for popping a boner. 

“Aww look at that. Don’t worry babe its only natural for a whiteboy.” “I thought it would be intimidated by us honestly.” Mia said. “Well dude, lets get this measuring started then. I don’t like really need an erect measurement. You are erect right? Just checking since... dude well its not very big. Well let me just check here with the tape. 11,5cm (4,5inch) erect.” Wait a minute. That’s half a centimeter smaller than last time your girlfriend measured you. And you’re definitely fully aroused, there’s no way your cock is going to get any harder than that. 

“That’s half a centimeter less than last time I measured him. Maybe those hormones I started mixing into your food actually started working. Haha no baby I’m just kidding. I’d never do that without asking you first.” “I have to get a flaccid measurement now. Why do guys always do this? Any time I start measuring they always pop a boner. Even the gay guys. Its just so weird. Give me a second I’ll just get some ice to cool this thing down a bit.” “If I may interject for a second.” The question wasn’t directed at Jade, but rather your girlfriend. With a knowing smile she merely nodded at Mia. Having gotten consent from the only person that matters, she swiftly steps between your legs. With one hand she grabs your exposed nutsack and starts squeezing, finger nails digging deep into your scrotum, right into your testicle. The pain is immense and you cant help but screaming. A scream muffled by your girlfriends hand firmly closing your mouth and noise, cutting of your air supply entirely. 

“Shh baby it’ll be over in just a second. I’m here for you baby.” She was right. In just a few seconds that felt like an agonizing eternity, Mia had managed to reduce your erection to a sad little drooping cocklet once again. 

“Dude, I’m not like a specialist on dicks right? But uh you know. I think you got phimosis bro. You got so much foreskin there man, your dick shouldn’t really be covered by it when you’re erect. Just saying. Lets see here. So flaccid you’re like 6cm (2,3inch) long. Let me just get your circumference and the circumference behind the testic- hey stop squirming. I wont hurt you man I swear. As I was saying, the circumference behind testicles and shaft aaaaaaand voila. All done. So this will take a while and, depending on which features you want, I’ll have to adjust your waiting time a little bit. There’s a ton of neat little custom additions to the cage I can make if you want me to. Look at this one here. So this one has a threaded exit right? You can like, put in a little thing that goes into his urethra so he cant weasel his way out of his cage. This one has threaded holes all over so you can like thread in this sharp little screws. Hurts like a bitch when he gets a stiffy. Or so I’ve been told. Alright now this one dude? This one is high tech. The thing itself is electric. You can shock his cock whenever you want. And if you get these pads you can put them on his nuts and shock him right then and there! What will they think of next dude!?” Your wife was a perfectionist. There was no way she would ever settle for second best. Your new cage would come with the full range of custom additions. More ways to torture a mans cock and balls than anyone could ever ask for. Not only that, but she also gave you a freebie as well. A brand new “Sissy in Pink” silicone chastity cage for you to wear while she was busy crafting your new penis prison. 

Last stop of your journey was a very special department. Tools for cock and ball torture were lining the shelves and Mia took great pleasure in explaining and presenting every single one with a little penis replica. It must’ve been the only white dildo in the whole store. The only one that was relegated to display different forms of cock and ball torture. “This one is called “The Humbler”. It traps the testicles in a way that only allows the sub to crawl very slowly as it tugs on his jewels. This one right here is a must have. Its so incredibly versatile. It’s a ball crusher, also called a nutcracker or testicle crusher. You see its very simple. These plates right here, you can get them in wood, plastic or steel, they trap his testicles and with these screws you can adjust how tightly you want the plates to flatten his nuts. We also have attachments with spikes on them, for a little bit of extra fun. Now this one is a little tricky to use. The “cock crimper” is CBT and chastity combined. You put his cock through that big hole and pull his glans through the small one. It angles his cock almost 90° upwards. Getting erect in that is extremely painful. This last one I’d recommend as a duo buy. These hegre dilator rods have a little orb at the end of them so you can insert them into his urethra without having to worry about losing them inside. And this thing right here is for e-stim. Electro stimulation. You can put these pads on his cock, his balls, his ass, the urethral plug, anywhere you want and then you can freely adjust how much electricity you want to run through. It can feel like a pleasurable massage or some harsh kicks to the balls. Its perfectly safe of course, no way to permanently hurt him.” As you turn to leave the aisle your girlfriend comes across some items neither of you had seen before on your internet searches. Curiosity gets the better of her and she asks for guidance from her sextoy mentor. 

“Oh yeah don’t start with those. Those are expert tools. Scalpels, knives, needles and nails. They’re for advanced users only. You know how I told you about my slave and how I had to get him checked out? Well we like to do skewering play. Basically I insert needles right into his testicles. If you know what you’re doing you can actually take these sharpened iron sticks and skewer both testicles on one without permanently damaging them. Well like I said, its crazy fetish stuff and nothing for beginners. I actually have a bunch of ladies lined up for a workshop on how to do it properly without damaging their sub. We had to blow it off since I cant use my slaves testicles as pincushions anymore. Say you wouldn’t be 

interested in making a little money on the side? Hey just asking.” Going shopping with your girlfriend is torture. Literally. Of course she bought all the toys. She didn’t mean to try them out necessarily, but since you’re already there you might as well get them, right? Good thing you get a very good offer due to your friendship with the owner. You feel as though you had gotten to know her fairly well during your little shopping spree and you were almost a little sad to leave her behind as you approach the automatic door to the exit. You both turn to hug her goodbye as your wife notices a peculiar store on the other side of the street, directly opposite of the toy shop. It has the words “Fertility Clinic” emblazoned above the large entrance and you could see happy couples occasionally enter and leave. 

“They call it a fertility clinic yeah, but not in the way that you might think. Its to ensure that the man in the relationship remains as infertile as he can. Really, it’s a hardcore fetish store, for white couples with black masters if you ask me. Sterilization by injection, vasectomy and that kind of stuff they do sure, but the real kicker for most is that they allow the women to castrate their subs themselves. Right there with only local anesthesia while they’re still awake. Castarting their slaves while they get railed by their nigger masters. I always wanted to try it out. Eh maybe one day when the whole getting kids thing has worked out. Anyways guys, have a wonderful evening. Oh and keep me in the loop on your sexcapades won’t you?” 

With that you turn back home, leaving the toystore and the fertility clinic behind. On the way home you incidentally pass by a tattoo parlor. “You know baby, we should get some tattoo’s to celebrate. I’ll get a big Queen of spades tattoo right on my cheek and you get beta of spades tattoo’d above your cock. What do you think?” You look at her for a few seconds before she bursts out laughing at how ridiculous that would be. Yeah ridiculous. As you’re gushing precum from your weak cock, you notice that you left her panties back at the store. Oh well. 

3 - I cant think of any chapter names 

“I don’t know about you baby, but I’m E X C I T E D! Waiting was definitely worth, my panties are completely sticky just thinking about it. No seriously, I’m SO wet right now. Getting all giddy here. Just thinking about having some fun. Just us. You and me. And this beautiful black dildo all greased up. Now let’s see here, what should we start with? “BLACKED RAW: Fashion Week BBC” maybe? I just looooove Haley Reed. I mean just look at her, she is THE perfect snowbunny. Watching her eat this big black thugs ass, getting her pretty pink pussy completely destroyed by his fat black cock and then just hearing her BEG for that creampie? Hhng i just wish it were me... but let’s look at the other options. “Beta bitch gets utterly cucked by BBC” it’s a short one, but I’m always down for amateur porn. I mean professional porn is nice and all, but in the end its just women taking dick for money. I mean sure, they all fuck black men in private while their white beta cuck boyfriends provide for them, but don’t you think it’s just soooo much hotter when it’s an amateur couple doing it? Fair enough, let’s keep looking. “Cuck creampie compilation”, ooh look at that, “cuck clean up compilation” that sounds fund, don’t you think?” Nestled on the sofa, you naked as your name day, her wearing some of her finest lingerie, black satin panties, delightfully see through except for the parts that really count, a wonderful black bra that contrasts beautifully with her pale skin and a pair of black kneesocks with those two cute white accents going around the sock just above the knee, encircling her thighs. Needless to say, she wasn’t just cute. She was an arousing sight that made your little weeny twitch every time you took a glimpse at her figure. Back at the toy store your girlfriend had desperately searched for some BLACKED brand lingerie, a new thong and sportsbra combo specifically, but Mia just had to shoot her down. They’re always gone so quickly they hardly manage to resupply in time. The downside of popularity is what she said... 

Well, to be fair, while she was dressed in her finest underwear, you weren’t exactly completely nude either. When you came back from the toy store, you didn’t quite know where to actually put all the stuff you bought. Your apartment was big, thanks to your substantial salary, you did not however have the luxury of just leaving your toys out and about. Twice a week your maid would come, cleaning and cooking, making the place more presentable for the occasional friend and business partner that came to visit. Not only was she thorough, she was easy on the eyes as well. A young Latina working hard to support her family. One of the best parts however would be the fact that she didn’t mind you stealing a glance at her ass in that uniform of hers. To be fair, it was a mutual agreement, seeing how you never mentioned her stealing glances at your girlfriends ass either. Or those times where she got a little bit handsy with your girlfriend, feeling her up after another hard gym session, cupping her breasts with those tanned hands of hers, squeezing her ass with both hands as they looked deep into each other’s eyes. Sometimes you could see your girlfriend biting her lower lip as she watches your Maid is bent over, cleaning the dust of the lowest shelves. It’s a miracle she didn’t sue you when your wife gave her a little smack on the ass the last time she shuffled past to vacuum the floor. She didn’t really seem to mind at all really. Strange stuff. 

Anyways, there was no way you could just leave all your new toys out in the open, agreeing instead on just stuffing all of it in your bedroom closet. The two of you would only leave out the stuff you would actually need in the very near future. Condoms, copious amounts of lube, her brand new dildo that 

dwarfed your cocklet with its intimidating height and girth and a set of beginner buttplugs for either of you. The rest you bundled together and crammed into the closet. It was tight fit. Really it was a miracle that only one item fell busted out of that unstable pile of sextoys. 

“Baby look. This has got to be a sign don’t you think? I know we didn’t even plan on buying this cute little chastity cage, but the way it fell out just now... I mean it’s the only thing that fell out, so that has GOT to be a sign don’t you think so baby? Aww baby I know, I know. It’s just mean to put your tiny little peepee into a cage, but just think about how hot it’ll be when you get out! Imagine, next week we’ll sit down together, I’ll remove your cage and your mighty strong erection will be able to give it to me like a real man would give it to me! Doesn’t that just sound incredibly romantic? Having you all backed up for an entire week only to release it all for me? Aww please baby, do it for me... I love you baby you’re just THE best! Come here, let me give you a whole bunch of kisses!” Her soft lips connecting with yours was enough to get your hard again which made putting on the cage just that much harder. While it was hardly an impressive erection by any standard, it wasn’t possible to put on the cage with one. The cage was small enough to keep even you contained if put on properly. Her excitement quickly turned into frustration, something that is all too common with her. 

“Baybyyyyyyy you can’t just get your little buddy all stiff like that! I can’t put your cute little cage on if you stay like that. Oh I know! Stay right here, I’ll get some ice.” She returned as quickly as she left, this time with two ice cubes melting in her hand. Sitting Infront of her on the ground, legs crossed, your little stiffy peeks out between your legs, hairless testicles dangling below it. Without so much as a word she pinches your sack with her thumb and index finger, pulling it up enough to allow easy access. With her other hand she quickly maneuvers her other hand below your sack, dipping it into the cold ice, wrinkly skin exposed to the frozen cubes. The sudden shock sends shivers through your body, a quick gasp escapes your lips. Of course your body is quick to respond, pulling up your testicles back into your body to protect them from the cold, leaving behind only your wrinkly sack. Or at least that’s what it had wanted to do. Naturally your girlfriend had gotten ahead of you, switching her grip from simply pinching your sack, to firmly grasping it right below your penis, making any attempts for your testicles to escape a futile endeavor. 

“There’s no escaping lil ones. I’m sorry but I’ll have to freeze you properly or this teeny weeny white boy erection won’t go away...” Having her talk to your testicles seemed to have made the situation a little bit easier, considering how your erection has died down again, leaving your limp cocklet dripping with just the tiniest amount of precum. “There we go baby, you did so well! And it didn’t seem like your little buddy hated it all that much either don’t you think? Now let’s get your little cagie on.” With that said, she once again grabbed your testicles, pulling them through the pink ring one by one. Humming along to an unheard tune she also pinched your cock by the foreskin, pulling it through the tight hole, smiling to herself as she does it. With your dick all small and limp, offering no resistance to her advances, it was an easy thing for her to gently slide the cage on. It felt a bit small and the plastic was cutting into your skin at a few spots. The cost of a cheap cage. With a small *click* the lock closes. “Its soooooo cute! Honestly we should’ve done this WAY sooner, because that thing is just perfect for you. You were always a little bit on the girly side, I mean I know girls that would kill for your bubblebutt. Or those dick sucking lips of yours. Haha no baby I’m just messing with you. But seriously, you really are just the cutest and this little pink cage just makes you that much cuter. Have you considered growing 

your hair out? You should start wearing some of my old clothes as well. Anyways, I hope you’re comfortable! I’ll let you out every day so you can clean yourself, but aside from that its one whole week of not playing with yourself. Can you do that for me baby? I knew it, you really are the best.” The one week was bad. The two that followed were agony. Your girlfriend has a way with words, using her feminine charms in such a way that she always gets what she wants. And just like always, she managed to convince you to stay in your cage for just a little bit longer. Of course she’s right, the longer you wait the better the release is going to feel. If she’ll ever release you... 

Ever other day you two took a shower together, the sight of her gorgeous nude body covered in soapy bubbles, water running down her body, over her nipples, dripping down between her legs... 

Seeing her rub the soap bar over body, running it between her breasts, sandwiching it between those voluptuous cheeks of hers, all of it was enough to drive a man wild. Being this close to her naked form had you straining against your cage every single time. As soon as she bowed down in front of you, offering you a nice view over her smooth back, right at that massive butt of hers you knew it was inevitable. As soon as she unlocked you and removed the cage she was greeted by your stiff cock bouncing in face, something that got a little giggle out of her every time she saw it. 

Just the sight of your frustrated cocklet bouncing up and down in the hot shower, looking for any possible way to get off, each droplet of water was enough stimulation to keep you hard indefinitely. Despite the amazing sights and feeling of temporary freedom, you knew this was strictly business, just a way to ensure that you’ll stay healthy despite the poor conditions set upon your penis by its warden. She did it the same way every time. With two fingers, more than enough for your size, she fixated your penis Infront of her, keeping it at eye level. The perfect height to inspect her toy, making sure its fine and healthy. With the other hand she slowly, gently peels back the foreskin, millimeter by millimeter. Your pale foreskin has always been a bit too tight to fit over the glans but she’s been working hard to fix it. Every little movement further up your penis feels as uncomfortable as it is embarrassing. She knows by instinct just how far she can pull back without hurting you, just enough to have you squirm in her grasp, reassuring her dominance over you. To top of your cleaning she lubes up her index finger with her spit, putting it in her mouth, sucking it, making it glisten with her juices. Gently she moves her finger under your foreskin, stretching it as it moves across your glans in a circular motion. Once, twice and thrice she moves her finger around your glans, making sure to lap up everything you’ve been hiding under your foreskin. The complimentary taste test is a given of course. Her index fingers moves back into her mouth, plush wet lips parting to let it inside, tongue eagerly lapping up all the dirt and grime you’ve been hiding, tasting the sweet and salty taste of years of precum and cockspunk in her mouth, saturating her taste buds with the heavenly taste. 

“Mmh delicious as always baby. You must’ve been leaking bad yesterday huh? Don’t worry it won’t be much longer, I promise. Once you’re back out of this tight little cage we’ll have sooo much fun together. It’ll be about time to give you a real break soon anyways. You know, this might just be me, but don’t you think you’ve... you know... gotten a bit smaller since last week? I mean you were never on the uh... larger side, but lately I feel like maybe your little cock has become accustomed to the cage? Oh well, I’m sure that It’s just temporary.” And so the days continued. Every other day she’d hit the gym hard, exhausting herself with that new personal trainer of hers. You had picked him out for her when she first mentioned the gym coach thing. He had fantastic reviews, exhausting training sessions which would leave YOUR trophy wife panting, yearning for more. Hard exercise aimed at training her in all manner of positions and ways, working on 

her stamina and flexibility. He was great and seeing the sweat drip down his chiseled dark abs just told you that he knew what he was doing. Obviously it was a bit weird that they didn’t allow the boyfriend to participate or even watch their workouts, but seeing her come home, sweating and wet, both of you hitting the shower together to clean her sculpted body and to free you, temporarily, from your cage? It was all worth it. 

4 - Not like anyone cares about chapter names either 

Your cock was straining hard against your cage, the sight of her in those black kneesocks, delicious thighs exposed, her panties barely hiding her slit, their back buried in those massive cheeks of hers, all of it was too much to bear. She had been teasing you for weeks and you were already on the brink. It had gotten so bad you had tried so desperately to reach an orgasm that you resorted to rubbing your puffy nipples, teasing them with your fingers, pinching and lightly twisting them in an attempt to get off, all of it to no avail. All this time without getting off has really begun to wear on you. Before all this you’ve been jerking off a whole 5 minutes a day to big black men giving rough dickings to white bimbo thots, their fat asses jiggly as they pump up and down on the fat meat rods that are stirring up their wet holes. With your current bout of abstinence, your tastes seem to have changed a bit however. Now you try desperately to get off while watching burly black guys plowing the pretty pink buttholes of white trappy fembois in chastity just like you. Watching them twerk on those BBCs, their own erections straining against their pretty cages until they finally erupt, ropes of semen bursting out of their prison as gooey jizz erupts inside of their rectum. Just thinking of these cute sissy bois getting to orgasm by only having their anus and nipples stimulated was enough to get you curious. How good would it feel if you surrendered yourself to black cock like they did? Getting your prostate pounded by thick meaty cocks instead of sitting there, helplessly tugging at your cage, praying that rubbing your nipples could get you to finally get off. Seeing their faces filled with bliss as their assholes are clutching those fat nigger cocks made you wonder, maybe if you would just surrender yourself to the pleasure you could get off just like them? No, no you’re not gay like that. You’re just desperate for relief! And it looks like you’re not the only one that has noticed your desperation. 

“Look at you, getting all excited! I know baby I kept you in there for a little bit longer than we had planned, but its all worth it, believe me. It’s just you, me and all the pornography the internet has to offer! Now lets see what we have here... do you have anything specific in mind? I’m just gonna scroll through the recommendations here... mmh lookie here! “Horny Teenage Slut Eating Black Ass for Free” the description says these videos are made by a couple. Hey they both look pretty cute. Apparently she’s just really into rimming random black guys while he films her. Can you imagine us doing that? Me going out in the street holding up a sign that says “Free Rimjobs for Black Kings <3”, finding some dirty looking guy black hobo and taking him in some alleyway. Unzipping his pants and getting on my knees behind him, seeing his hairy ass and his beautiful asshole. Grabbing his butt with both hands, spreading his cheeks and finally getting my first face full of ass, feeling his butt on my cheeks, planting kisses and more kisses on his anus and all over his rim, making out with his asshole and his hairy cheeks, covering them with lipstick marks to show just where my slutty little mouth has gone. Finally putting my lips on his tight little asshole, tongue going past his sphincter into his rectum, pleasuring him from the inside, getting him completely wet, drenching his insides with my spit. I can just imagine it, sucking his cute anus while pleasuring his cock with my hands, giving him a reach around and fingering his dick with my delicate hands, waiting for him to deposit his spunk all over the alleyway, only to give him one last little kiss on the rim before we leave. Of course I wouldn’t forget about you, my handsome little camera man. You’d get a big smooch in return for your fantastic work, just like this one...” Having your beautiful girlfriend plant a kiss on you while a cute girl buries her face in the ass of an black man on the flatscreen Infront of you was a bizarre, yet highly arousing feeling. Shame about the fact that your girlfriend has decided not to let you out of your cage quite yet. 

“Aww baby I just didn’t want you to cum in the first 3 minutes like you usually do... I haven’t even gotten started yet. Speaking of...” From the desk in front of your rather opulent sofa she retrieves the object of her desire. In a black satin bag she stored her new favorite toy, the fleshy, black 8 inch lust monster the two of you had purchased at Mia’s sextoy emporium. Seeing it there in her hands, the difference in size between this toy and your own little penis becomes clear as day. Even one of her hands was more than enough to handle you, for this ebony lovemaker she needed both of them though. Handling it would be harder than either of you had expected. Your girlfriend was tight, years of exercise strengthening her pelvic muscles to allow for a grip that could actively milk the cum out of any cock that had the good fortune to enter her hot, wet slit. The fact that you didn’t have the equipment required to actually stretch her out yourself might have also contributed. It appears as though your girlfriend was intent on changing that however. Tentatively she moved the toy to her face, inspecting it with the awe of a woman that had never dreamed that cocks could actually be this size. Cautiously, as if she was afraid the toy would come alive, she put the dildo to her lips, wrapping them around the glans, letting her lip flick over and across her toy, getting a feel for its size and girth. Deeper she inserted it, letting her tongue run around the toys girth, letting it hang out, copious amounts of saliva running down the shaft of her dildo. Apparently that was enough lube for her, either that or she simply couldn’t stop herself anymore. With her hands hooked into her panties she slid them off, slowly running them down her powerful thighs, down her legs, until they only hung on to her by one ankle. It was enough for her. Her panties were drenched with her juices, her wet pussy craving stimulation from her new companion. Gently she began to rub it over her slit, stimulating her labia with its length, teasing her clit with ever slide across her wet lips. It was more than she could take. With her saliva and juices as lube she gently set the tip of her toy against her vagina, gently prodding it, parting her labia, savoring the feeling of the toys girth against her insides. Each little movement coaxed another moan out of her, making her writhe in the pleasure of finally getting stretched properly. 

“mmh baby this is... ugh this is great... oh I gotta stop, I gotta stop! Oh wew, I gotta take it out, it’s too much, its just too much. Oooooh there we go. Jeez I swear, this was sooooo worth it. I’m really glad you’re so open to this. Despite being a shrimp dick whiteboy I really do love you honey, I really do. Let me take off that cage and we can see if we can’t have a little fun together.” With a click she removed the cage, your little erection aiming right at her. As always she can’t help but let out a small giggle as she’s watching you squirm, hips bucking trying to fuck the air in front of you. 

“I can see someone is ready to go. Now baby, you know how you’re a bit of a problem with cumming too early? I still haven’t gotten off yet and I want us both to enjoy this together so I’m not going to start pumping your little peepee just yet. Here, let me just rub right there, I promise it’ll feel really good. But before I start, you have to promise not to cum without my permission, okay? Good boy.” With only her index finger she slowly, gently begins to stimulate the frenulum through your foreskin. Just the light touch of her finger gliding gently, round and round at that very small point, occasionally feeling her finger brush against your glans, is enough for your penis to produce a steady flow of precum. Keeping your dick in control with just one finger seems to be easier for her than you might’ve expected, seeing as how she’s already back to browsing for a new video. A few clicks later and she’s back to teasing her clit with her massive toy. She had pulled up a new amateur video on Pornhub. A burly black hunk of a man is busy giving it to a much smaller snowbunny. His entire weight is pushing down on her as he plunges his fat cock into her pussy over and over again, sloppy wet sounds of his dick kissing her womb and the smacking sound of their hips grinding against each other almost drowning out her gasps and moans. Both her legs were in 

the air, toes curling and spasming in sync with each thrust. This petite white girl taking a fat black cock that’s half the size of her, splitting her tight pussy open with its massive girth seemed to be exactly what your girlfriend wanted to see. With more fervor she began to plunge the black silicone dick into her wet slit, biting her lower lips, focused entirely on the musclebound black man rocking this snowbunnies world. Each thrust he took inside of that cute girl was matched by your girlfriend. Thrust for thrust she plunged the cock deeper inside of her, grinding it against her wet walls, rubbing it over her clit only to plunge it back inside even deeper than before. 

It wasn’t long before he reached his climax. With one last thrust he delivered his hot spunk inside of her, shifting all his weight on top of her, pushing her down with his big manly hands, pinning her on to the bed so there would be no escape. He was an alpha male and he would breed her fertile whitegirl womb, whether she wanted to or not, there was no way this little white girl would be able to resist the power of his cock. With his entire length inserted he deposited his spunk, shooting hot ropes of gooey jizz into her womb, one after the other until his nut was running out of her hole, pushing past his cock. With one swift motion he pulled out, leaving a gaping, properly bred sluthole behind. With his desires sated he clearly had stopped caring about the disposable fuckhole still laying on the bed, panting from the rough fucking she had just received. As one character leaves the scene, another enters. Another girl had entered the scene, her brown sidebraid swinging with each step she took closer to the bed. She was another cutie, just as slim and small as the girl that was laying on the bed. Her breasts were smaller with cute puffy nipples, both of them pierce with little metal barbells, her butt was even jucier though, a set of comfortably soft buns with a cute bleached butthole and a sissy of spades tattoo to top it off. Even her face looked like that of a girl. If it hadn’t been for the jetblack chastity cage between her legs, no one could have ever assumed that it was actually a boy that was now laying on the bed, head buried between her legs, tongue lapping up his strong alpha male seed from her gaping pussy, tasting the salty gift this breeding stallion had given the other girl. The stimulation of watching this little lady get BLACKED, coupled with the sensation of your girlfriend gently rubbing your penis was enough to send you over the edge. Just one more second and you’d dribble your seed all over her finger. It didn’t come to pass however, as your girlfriend seemed to have sensed just how close you actually were to orgasm. With her finger gone all that’s left for you is to pathetically hump the air in a desperate attempt to finally cum after those 3 weeks of abstinence. 

“Cumming is not allowed baby. Not without my permission. Aww I know, watching that big handsome black man pound that white girls pussy into submission was probably too much for you. I have to say, I’m a bit jealous of her myself. Having some savage nigger on top of you, only caring about breeding your fertile white womb, tearing you apart, each thrust hitting your womb, his hot cum blasting past your cervix into your deepest parts... mmh... oh don’t worry baby its just a fantasy! Anyways, I think a little bit of punishment is in order. Oh don’t worry I wont hurt you. But I wont help you either. You’re not allowed to stroke yourself at all while we watch this next video. When I saw your search history I noticed some more... extreme videos... beta white boys getting removed from the gene pool, getting their white boy balls, are you really into this cock and ball torture stuff? You’re such a perv! Alright you’re not allowed to touch yourself at all while we watch this one. It’s a punishment so you’re not allowed to enjoy this one, okay?” She had put on another amateur video. It actually looks like it was recorded by the same couple as the video before. You couldn’t see faces, only his lower body and her breasts in that loose t-shirt. He was lying on his back legs spread apart, chained to the bedpost, she was sitting between them, with free access to his genitals, his bindings leaving him no way to resist her torture. 

“Look baby, they have the same vice that we bought at Mias place! No wait, it’s a bit different. Well how different can two pieces of clear plastic really be? Oooooh so that’s how you use it, that’s good to know. So you take the dick, loop it through the hole and just tighten the screws as much as you want? Aww look at the poor little guy all tied up like that. He can’t resists her at all, she could just grind his poor balls to a fine paste with that thing!” And that’s what she did. Almost. Slowly, gently, she turned each of the four screws. One rotation at a time. Slowly but surely his once round testicles became flatter and flatter, getting squished by the vice like genital torture device. Despite his erection, as small as it was, it was clear that he was in quite a bit of pain, as each new turn of the screws caused him to moan and shake his pelvis in a futile attempt to get away from her painful control of his nuts. She seemed to enjoy his struggling however. To muffle his moaning she had decided to switch positions, moving from her sport between his legs over to his face, planting her plump butt right on his face, smothering him with her soft cheeks. “Stop moaning you little bitch! We both know there’s nothing you want more than for me fuck up your nuts. You want me to smash them don’t you? Ruin your little marbels and beat the shit out of your clit dick you little whore? Yeah keep eating my ass you dumb piece of fuckmeat, there should be plenty of fresh cum in there for you, the difference between beta bitch whitebois like you and these big black alpha males is that they just take what they want. They just picked me up and fucked on all over the house, they didn’t even give me a single break, just fat black cocks destroying my tight holes one after the other, completely ignoring my crying and whimpering. If you’re a good girl I might just ask my bull to take your tight little asshole for a spin.” 

It’s hard to say which hurt and aroused him more, her cutting remarks or the steady increase of pressure in his balls. Despite their already impressive flatness, she kept on turning the screws, grinding his nuts down even tighter. It’s hard to say if it was the pain or her ass smothering that caused the guy to pass out, but either way that’s how the video ended. “Well that was... unexpected? This might sound a little bit weird, but don’t those two kinda remind you of... you know... us? I don’t know the guy has your build. Cute face, very cute and also very large butt with a girlfriend that loves him very much? Just really reminded me of us. Well this was supposed to be a punishment for you, but the video was so weird that I actually stopped masturbating myself hehe. Alright this is the one baby. Last video and we both get to climax. You and me together.” It seems as though she had taken a liking to this couple. She kept browsing through their videos, astonished by just how many of them they had actually uploaded and in all those categories too. Most of it cuckold related, her getting spitroasted by black thugs while her boytoy watches, her tormenting his genitals in some sort of CBT roulette game, him eating a thick juicy load out of her abused asshole and finally a bunch of videos of her alone. Seems like she’s a bit of an anal addict considering that all her videos are of her, bouncing up and down on big black, fake cocks, both at home as well as in some... less secluded spaces. Your girlfriend decided to put on another kinky one of her taking her newest toy for a spin in a public toilet, her thick black toy fixed to the toilet seat with its suction cup so she could comfortably bounce up and down on the fake dick, spreading her cheeks and stretching her asshole for her silicone lover. 

“Look at that bubble butt on her. I wouldn’t mind having that sit on my face for a bit huh baby? Oh don’t worry I’m just joking around, I’d never go into a public bathroom to hook up with a complete stranger, having her force me down on my knees, planting her butt on my face, pushing my head against the wall and suffocating me with that fat ass... look at you bucking your hips like that. Are you trying to impregnate the air sweetie? Haha let me actually start the video and I’ll give your little penis some strokies, sound good? Oh my god look at that she’s licking the toilet seat! What a slu- wait a second. That’s not a 

queen of spades tattoo on his ass. That’s a sissy of spades tattoo! That’s not the girl!” She was right, the cute girl down on her knees, running her tongue over the dirty toilet seat, polishing it with her mouth, lips kissing it, worshipping it, wasn’t actually a girl at all. What both of you had mistaken for the woman from the other videos was actually her boytoy all along. It was hard to tell from the thumbnails and previews since they only showed his fat bubble but bouncing on that beautiful black girthy cock, loose asshole sucking it in and grinding it against his prostate. In the video he was wearing one of those black medical masks partially hiding his face which made discerning his gender even more difficult. Seeing him pull the mask over his eyes to worship the seat of a public toilet with his mouth was an arousing sight nonetheless. He hadn’t even taken out his big black silicone toy, but your girlfriend was already back to pleasuring herself. She clearly wasn’t bothered by the bait and switch. Having secured the dildo on the toilet seat with the large suction cup at its bottom, the cute femboi began to fellate the toy, his lips running over the fake cock, teasing the glans, his tongue running down the shaft, pleasuring the fake testicles at the bottom of the toy, the entire dildo covered in his spit, only a single string of saliva connecting his extended tongue to the fat cock in front of him. Your girlfriend was entranced by this display of sissy faggotry, her hands busy pumping her own sextoy deep into her wet hole, plunging it into her deepest parts, its girth and thickness stimulating her walls causing her to moan out in primal pleasure. She had completely forgotten about your cock, instead focusing on her own pleasure and the fat bottomed twink on the screen in front of you both. 

“Look at him taking that fat black dick like a good little whiteboi faggot . I cant believe he only used spit to lube this monster up. Mmh look at him tearing that fucking ass apart baby, there’s no way he can go back to little dicks after this. He must’ve trained really hard to get to that level, stretching his boipussy like that that, I bet it must feel amazing to get his prostate pumped like that, rubbing his little faggot spot with that fat thing. What kind of an absolute buttslut do you have to be to take a fat black cock in a public bathroom. Don’t you think you’d look good bouncing on a cock like that baby? Just think about it baby, if you could cum with your cute butt like him you would never have to leave your cage ever again!” With those haunting words in the air she grabbed your cock between her thumb and index finger. Just her two fingers she began to jerk your little cock, your precum the perfect lube, making her delicate fingers glide smoothly across your dicklet. 

“I’m almost there baby. This fat dick is stirring up my pussy like crazy, every time I ram it in I can feel it pounding against my cervix, agh its hitting all the spots baby. I know how much of a premature ejaculator you are baby, but I really want us to share this high. I’ll count down baby and then we’ll cum together, okay?” 

“5” 

Just once she glides her fingers up and down your cock, pulling back the skin just a little bit, her gentle touch already enough stimulation to almost make you burst then and there. 

“4” 

She increased her speed as well, plunging that fat cock into her pussy harder and harder with each thrust, twisting it as she rams it in only to quickly pull back again to prepare for the next savage attack on her womb. 

“3” 

The third pump almost put you over the edge, the little stimulation of her fingers almost causing your small phimotic premature cock to erupt then and there. 

“2”With a scream she rams the dildo into her pussy one last time, forcing its entire length inside, grinding it against her walls as her thumb circles around her clit in an attempt to draw her orgasmic high out as much as possible. You can hardly hear the 

“1” 

Through her screams. One last time her fingers pump up and down your cock, gripping it more tightly, almost pinching your little cocklet between her fingers, the pressure of her grip and the pumping motion causing you to go right to the edge. Just a little bit more and you’re there... just before the orgasm hits you, she lets go, using her other hand to rub on her clit as she fucks herself even harder with her dildo. She shudders as wave after wave of orgasm hit her, completely ignoring you for her own selfish pleasure, leaving your cock dribbling your weak watery seed like a faucet, completely unsatisfied from the ruined orgasm you had just experienced. It took her a little while and a few more screaming orgasms to get back to a somewhat clear state of mind. Bliss was written in her face, having finally experienced the mind melting power of a cock of real size and girth. 

“Oh jesus that was great. Oh I just came, I don’t know, atleast 5 times with this beautiful thing. This video... you know baby... watching this cute white boy getting off like that from getting his butt stuffed with fat black cock made me feel a bit bad for you. I got to experience my first orgasm since we started living together and he obviously had fun with a big black dildo like that. What if we started to train your butt just like him? You could have all the fun we just had if we just trained you a little bit. What do you think baby, will you do it for me? Will you let me play with your cute little anus while I keep your dicklet in chastity? I knew it, you really are the best baby! I loooooooove you so much baby!” 

And so began your training to become a sissy white boi buttslut just like the femboi in the video. 

5 - Interracial gloryhole fun Part 1 

“... she really sounded desperate on the phone. I mean can you believe that? Two of her girls just getting sick out of the blue is putting her in such a bind? You’d think she had have some more backup. I guess the second girl was the backup of the first? She’s always been a good friend to me, so I really feel like I ought to help her out here. You should come with me, maybe we can both help out.” Mia did sound quite desperate on the phone. Apparently a few people called in sick and now she’s unable to man a part of her store. Of course your girlfriend was enthusiastic to help her good friend, even if it meant spending one of those hot and heavy summer evenings in a well ventilated store with air conditioning. It was a sacrifice the both of you were willing to make. It was a good way to distract yourself as well. Ever since your girlfriend had allowed your dicklet to dribble its watery cum over her fingers, you hadn’t been permitted to get off, keeping you caged and frustrated instead. Your predicament hadn’t stopped her though. She spent most of her free time either at the gym or at home with her fat black dildo, buried deep inside of her snowbunny pussy, ramming it inside of her, feeling it knock against her cervix with each savage thrust while you sit on the floor in front of her like a good little whiteboi, massaging the fatigue out of her aching thighs, her juices running down her legs as you strain against your cage, precum dripping pathetically through the hole of your pretty pink prison. 

She did take pity on your in a way however. Whenever she wasn’t exhausting herself at the gym accompanied by her gymbunny friends and well acquainted black personal trainers, or pleasuring herself with the beautiful silicone cock she was so obsessed with, she would make time for your pleasure. It wasn’t the pleasure of a man however, not the pleasure of a long, hard, black cock stirring up a fertile, young, white pussy, bestowing upon her womb the gift of his virile dark seed, glazing her face with his sticky cum or having her worship that fat dick and those juicy dangling balls to coax out his hot and sticky gift. No, it was the pleasure entirely unlike that, focusing instead on your soft breasts, twisting and licking your hard pink nipples, letting her tongue run over them until they’re all stiff and begging for more. It was the female pleasure of having your hungry cockhole teased by her fingers, running them along the rim of your anus, pulling on its sides to turn the once round anus into the beautiful pink slit of a real whiteboipussy fuckhole. Feeling a slender finger invade your tight puckered butt, stirring it up to feel the heat of your desire and to rub along all those tender spots that cause you to let out one girly moan after the other, all of these are pleasures reserved only for women and the sissy boytoys that follow them. 

It didn’t take long until just one finger stopped being enough. A real BBC was much, much larger of course. Instead of directly pleasuring your prostate with her middle finger, she had decided it would be more fun to stretch you out and to hopefully let you experience the pleasure she received each time she climaxed. With two fingers she spread your sphincter, stretching it as much as her gentle fingers as possible until she could finally move on to those other toys you bought. Watery lubricant helped the buttplug in its advances, helping it glide as it strained against your tight sphincter. It was hard to relax properly, but with your head on her lap, her whispering soft encouragement into your ear as she played with your nipple was enough to get you to ease up. With her one free she gently pushed the plug into you rectum, the thickest part of it stretching you out until it finally slipped in, a comfortable feeling of fullness now taking its place in your ass. Since then she made you spend all of your time caged and 

most of it plugged as well. Even if you haven’t managed to work up to the medium sized plug, your girlfriend was still proud of her little buttslut. 

And so the two of you, her wearing her jeanshorts cut close enough to show both pockets peeking out of the fabric straining against her smooth thighs and a loose tanktop that hardly contained her breasts, straining against their size only to drop down limply below them. Her long blonde hair was tied down as a ponytail due to the heat which she was quite sensitive to. Sweat was dripping down her arms from her smooth pits, dripping down her face and boobs, pooling between them, absorbed by the tight fabric, colouring it a shade darker with its wetness. She had already gotten a nice tan on this summer and she was set on keeping it for as long as possible by basking her glorious body in the sun whenever possible. Your outfit was intent on doing quite the opposite. A light summer dress coupled with a wide brimmed hat would keep your sensitive pale skin from being damaged by the harsh rays of the sun. This was hardly the real reason why your girlfriend had suggested wearing such feminine clothes however. No matter which pants you had put on, all of them made you feel exposed, made you feel the buttplug stretching your anus, straining against the cloth. Despite her assurances that it couldn’t be seen on account of your bubblebutt, you had decided against those constricting pants and had instead gone for your girlfriends dress suggestion. While it managed to hide any signs of the foreign object in your rectum, it did however make your cage print against the fabric on account of your lack of underwear. Your girlfriend had insisted on this little detail, saying that underwear would simply destroy the lock by shining through the light fabric. It was pointless to argue against her so you had simply accepted her advice as your truth. With her looking like a PAWG, hot and ready and you like her petite girlfriend, both of you were subject to the stares of several groups of young black men. While you were uncomfortable and downright scared of them overpowering both of you, their physique was far outmatching yours after all, your girlfriend enjoyed the attention from the handsome urban youths clutching their fat black cocks through their pants, shouting and whistling as you pass by them. 

Across the opulent adult entertainment palace that Mia, your fiancés good friend, can proudly say is her own, the so called “fertility clinic” is bustling with business. Despite the evening heat, couples could be seen entering and leaving the clinic, some of them going in alone, just a white boytoy provider and snowbunny girlfriend on a stroll to get him snipped, some of them accompanied by a second, much stronger black male. It wasn’t hard to see what he was there for. Dribbling the last bit of their impotent loser semen to their girlfriends and wives getting destroyed by their strong black bulls as any remnant of masculinity and virility is taken from them by either an attractive nurse, a cute doctor or even their own girlfriend, must be a feeling of pure bliss that even the heat cant detract from. Feeling the cold air on your skin was a welcome respite and clearly one of many reasons why the adult toy store was once again bustling with business. It seemed as though your girlfriend was also enjoying the cold air quite a bit, her hard nipples poking through the thin fabric of her tanktop, which drew quite a few stares from men and women alike. It was quite unlike her to leave her bra behind, as it made carrying those heavy milk tanks around would be even more of a burden then it already was. It didn’t take long for Mia to find the two of you, either because your girlfriend called ahead, or because she has security cameras covering every inch of the place. One is about as likely as the other you’ve come to find. 

With the light of the sun setting, Mia’s various piercings, all denouncing her as a slut for black cock, a breeder and racetraitor, a queen of spades snowbunny and worshipper of the church of nigger cock, 

sparkled in the rays of light, their brightness beautifully contrasting her dark hair. Her change from a neat bun to a single braid running down her pale shoulder, coupled with her street wear, a black skirt reaching about halfway down her thighs and a simple black strapless top which only barely hid several vine like tattoos featuring spades instead of leaves. They gave her a more casual look than the last time you had seen her. If the air affected her in a similar way to your girlfriend, she certainly wasn’t showing it, her dark top clinging tightly to her smooth breasts, not a nipple to be seen. Sure, she they weren’t as big as most girls, but it added a certain charm to her appearance, pulling the view more to her picturesque face and hefty butt instead. 

“I’m soooooo glad you guys came! This whole situation got me into a bit of a pickle, I mean who could’ve expected them both to get knocked up in the same month? I keep telling them: Use protection, we can sell the semen later! Semen popsicles, semen sauce, nutbutter for your coffee, etc. all of it ready to be sold to willing snowbunnies, but noooooo, they just had to get themselves rawdogged and creampied by those handsome darksinned thugs. Sure, there’s just something about mindblowing anonymous sex with Black kings, letting them use you however they like, load after load of superior black semen mixed together in your womb... Where was I? Your job, right. No worries, I just need you to fill in for them for one of their small shifts so i can get a replacement for them, should be a one time thing. Let’s just get going and I’ll explain you what you have to do once we’re actually there.” So the three of you went off into the elevator leading to the third floor. The same third floor where Mia keeps the especially kinky gear and sextoys of the weirdest shapes, sizes and uses. Once again your journey took you between shelves of bondage gear, dildos too big to realistically fit into any orifice and devices of torture, genital or otherwise. There wasn’t a soul to be seen here, well except for Jade, the resident specialist in all matters chastity related. You could see her once as you passed between shelves, sitting behind her counter not even pretending to be actually hard at work. 

After a short while you ended up in another corner of the store, behind a doorway sheltered by black satin curtains lays another, slightly different section of the store. “Here we are. Gloryhole alley. Your new home for the next few hours. And again, I’m really glad you agreed to helping out, not a lot of people would suck off complete strangers, servicing their cock and balls while their boyfriend watches... you really are the best friend a gal could hope for. Let me show you around. As you can see, there’s a few doors left and right, these are for different kinds of gloryholes and different “settings” so to say. Sure, a gloryhole is a pretty voyeuristic thing in its essence, but we wanted to accommodate all kinds of people look for quick, easy, anonymous sex, not just the more outgoing ones. So in the end we decided to provide our customers with different sections. Over there you got stalls, each with only one hole, leaving you in complete privacy. Over there you have a specialty of this place: Imagine a room in a room. And now imagine this room had cock sized holes on all 4 sides. And now imagine there’s a pretty girl in there ready to take your fat, backed up loads into her slutty holes while you high five your bros next to you. Amazing don’t you think? All of this is voluntary of course, I pay the girls a good bit of money so they can in turn make a good load of money for me. There’s one exception though, something which is unique to our store. I made a special deal with prisons all over the country and they agreed to send me their cutest boys and girls so they don’t have to care for them themselves. They’re allowed to serve their sentence in our gloryholes instead of actual prison. It’s still meant as a punishment however, which is why you can be a bit rougher with them. Anything goes as long as it doesn’t leave lasting damage or breaks the skin, etc. So if a black man ever wanted to roughly pound a tight white ass into submission with only spit as lube 

while spanking their ass until their bright red handprint remains as a cute reminder of their savage fucking, then they’ve come to the right place. Look here, these are a for our more traditional customers.” In the wall to your left you could see some of Mia’s employees. Or rather certain parts of them. One could only see their hands, feet and a large part of their butt as well as some thigh, jutting out of the hole in the wall. 

The first one, a girl ginger girl from the picture displayed above her butt, was completely and utterly covered in semen, her already pale white skin, glazed with the milky white jizz from ass to toe. Her feet and hands were glistening with seed, while a steady flow of cum oozed out of her abused holes, dripping down her butt and thigs on to the floor she’s hanging over. “That’s Ginger. Its not her real name, but the name came easily. As you can see she doesn’t do the whole condom thing. We have several well hung black men coming every day just to blow several loads over her toes and fingers. Then again we also have enough people that enjoy actually fucking her sloppy holes. This one’s for people that are really into sloppy seconds. You can actually feel your cock pushing the semen deeper into her hole all the way to her womb as you slide in and out of here. Or so I’ve been told. Good thing is that we don’t need to waste money on lube, the cum is great at letting you glide in and out of her ass and it gets more slippery with each deposited load.” The girl next to her proved to be the polar opposite. Both her holes were clean of semen, the only thing dripping being the fluid from her wet pussy. Instead of semen, she was adorned by filled condoms of all colours and load sizes. They were tied to every single one of her fingers and toes and in her hands she held several condoms filled with copious amounts of nutbutter. There were some more stowed away on the ground below her and on a belt that hung around her fat ass. 

“Yeah she’s really into the whole “safe sex” thing, which is fine since some of the customers really dig it. Sometimes they have competitions to see who can dish out the biggest load. The best thing is when they stuff the filled condoms deep in her pussy or ass and some unknowing guys cock is met with a filled condom instead of her cervix. Funniest shit you’ve ever seen.” The last occupied spot was a bit special as it was reserved not for a woman, but a femboi instead. His small cock was hanging limply between his fat ass and the wall Infront of it. His tiny, atrophied whiteboi cock was complemented well by the gaping fuckhole between his ample white cheeks which was also oozing semen, running down his ass and over his balls until it dripped down on the floor. Unlike the girls before, this hole had a special device hanging next to it. A buttplug the size of a small fist was hanging down next to him, a chain affixing it to the wall. With a sigh Mia took the plug and, after coating it in a bit of the dripping semen, shoved it back into the boys stretched asshole. A faint moan could be heard from the other side of the wall. “I keep telling these dumb monkeys, “Put the plug back in when you’re done!” but do they listen? I should put up a sign. If he’s not plugged he won’t be able to take their cocks properly and then no one gets to have fun with him. I mean what do they expect? Women were born to be fucked by fat cocks, they were made to be pushed down and abused by strong men, but this faggot? Sissy whiteboys are made. Sure, they were born weak, not like real men at all, but to become a semen slurping faggot fucktoy? For that they really have to be molded by cocks. The first one usually isn’t enough either, it has to be BBC after BBC after BBC until they simply cant live without them anymore. But even then, practice makes perfect, use it or lose it. And even a permagaped fuckhole like him needs to be stretched and warmed up properly before use. Well then, here we are. Like I said, this is for beginners so you don’t have to worry about those cumdumps out there.” 

Leaving her workers behind, the three of you make your way to your girlfriends new workplace. After a few more twists and turns and several more used up gloryhole sluts, Mia finally led you into the place destined for the two of you. It wasn’t a very big room, enough for the three of you to sit and stand in comfortably, but without any furniture. There were only two defining features to this room: The Flatscreen TV that covered the walls (which exclusively played videos of gloryhole sluts getting fucked by gorgeous looking, thick cocks, gooey semen splattering over their faces and baby batter fucked deep into their whorish holes) and the holes this place was known for. There were several of them on the unoccupied walls, usually on different heights, perfect for gloryhole snowbunnies of all sizes to comfortably suck and fuck without having to worry about awkward angles and exhaustion from strained fucksessions. “And here we are. Now before we get started, there’s just a few small details we have to address before you start. First of all, put this on. This is a special choker only available at our stores. It’s as high quality as it can get and you won’t be able to find one as great as this anywhere else. Go ahead, put it on!” It was a tight fit. The dark material the choker consisted of was a great contrast to your girlfriends pale skin however and the way it subtly dug into her throat, constricting it just the tiniest bit, slightly digging into her beautiful skin, it was a sight to behold. Each movement made the spade wrought out of dark steel reflect the light duly. “There we go and now put on this lipstick. I know you have gorgeous lips even without it, but believe me, its important.” Purple lipstick was a new thing for her. She had the puffy lips that seemed to signal to any black man just how nice they’d feel, wrapped around their big black cock, plush DSLs worshipping them, her nimble tongue just another part of her cockmilking suckslut mouth. With her purple lips she got a bit of a goth vibe, creating a bit of a dissonance between them and her otherwise blonde hair and blue eyes, a dissonance which practically shouted that this lipstick was for a special fetish, a way to seek the attention of any fat cocks in her vicinity. Like a call to arms that screamed: FUCK MY MOUTH I’M A SLUT FOR NIGGER COCK! 

“Perfect. You really are beautiful. Have you ever thought about getting some piercings? Or a tattoo? You know Ami is actually a great artist and she can just whip you up a quick little piece of bling or ink. We even offer a black breeder barcode that lets people see your pregnancy and ownership status with their smartphones. Where was I? Oh yeah right. So this is important. The choker is part of our daily competition system. If a guy’s cock is powerful enough to bulge out your throat in a way that causes your choker to snap off, he gets a fantastic reward from the store! It’s an incentive for black guys to come back to the store. There are enough gals out there willing to pay just to worship a fat black cock and a pair of deliciously large testicles you know. We’re just trying to find the right guys for the job and this is a great way to do it. You know mister boyfriend, if you’re interested you could try it out yourself. Haha I’m just kidding, we all know what kind of little surprise you’re packing. Compared to the kinds of cocks your girlfriend gets to service today, it might as well be a clitty. Whats the lipstick for? Oh right, yes that’s also important. Our customers like it when they can see just how hard you’ve worked for them. Before every cock I want you to apply a generous amount of lipstick. They want to see your lips mark their cocks and I want to see it too. Speaking of seeing it. Mister boyfriend, this right here is your job. I need you to film the entire thing. We’re using it as promotional material for the store. Huh? Of course this won’t go on the internet. No this is just for the store. You worry too much bitch boy, your girlfriends chastity is assured. Just do as I say or I’ll make sure she’ll 

never let you out of that cage again... Haha just kidding, don’t be so serious!” 

With that Mia was gone and the two of you were left alone, her looking like a pseudo goth whore and you as the camera man of a very special porn movie. 

6 - Interracial gloryhole fun Part 2 

Both of you were a bit uncomfortable. Mia never said anything about your girlfriend cleaning black cocks for the whole day. Both of you had assumed it was maybe a cashier job? Something less... lewd at least. There’s no way that your girlfriend knew of this deal after all. No way at all. She would never have agreed if she had known, right? As if to break the atmosphere, the first cock appeared through one of the gloryholes. It was safe to say that both of you were in a bit of a shock. And in awe. It was a magnificent example of a beautiful, fat, veiny, uncut black cock. A pair of fat dark balls were swinging below it, both of them waiting to be serviced by your girlfriends eager mouth. As if unsure how to proceed, your girlfriend awkwardly approached the slab of dark man meat in front of her. Gingerly, insecure, she examined the monster in front of her. She was raping it with her eyes, fondling his fat balls and glans with her stares. She was a mere inch away from it, her ragged breath hitting the dick in front of her face. As if surprised, her new lover jumped up a bit, clearly enjoying the sensation of her cockhungry breath on its skin. 

It was the push that your girlfriend needed. With all her courage she planted a shy kiss on the strangers tip, still covered by a strained bit of foreskin. Again he jumped and again your girlfriend began her advances, getting more bold with each move. With her hands she began to feel up his manhood, moving them up and down his mighty shaft as she gently moved her tongue over his glans. She could sense how much her new lover was enjoying her gentle touch, the tongue that was supposed to be only for you now stimulating the head of his veiny cock. Her hands were now slowly jerking him off, gliding over his shaft from the balls to the glans, her tiny mouth filled completely by the massive cock in front of her. It was as if she was trying to milk his virile black semen right out of him, milking it right into her eager mouth, hot and ready for the salty load he was sure to gift her. With each stroke and each flick of her tongue across his glans he got more and more erect, the already impressive meatrod getting even bigger inside of her wet mouth. It gave her the confidence she needed. Any trace of restraint went away as she tried to take him inside of her, deep down into her throat. It would have been impossible for a normal woman to throat such a massive piece of cockmeat and yet, like a true snowbunny, your girlfriend managed to take almost half of him inside of her, her throat bulging from the mass as she was getting squeezed between her tight choker and the fat cock. It clearly wasn’t enough to snap her newest accessory however. Even has she slowly bobbed her head on his cock, massaging it with her throat, her entire cock getting massaged with each swallow, even with her help it wasn’t enough to snap her choker. It didn’t take long for him to finish. A fat salty load of cum shooting directly into her throat down into her stomach. Only the spit connecting his cock and her lips was an indicator of the tender deepthroat you had just caught on camera. 

It was clear she was enjoying herself. It was her first time sucking off a real cock after all. Even if you had tried to talk to her, she wouldn’t have heard you. She was busy removing her pants, revealing a dripping wet spot in her panties. A pair of panties that was quickly discarded as she began furiously rubbing her wet pussy. She would have brought herself to climax, rubbing her swollen clit with her thumb as she fucked herself with another three fingers, if there hadn’t been a new client. Neither of you had expected them to come and go this quickly but here he was, a new cock hanging 

inside of the room. This one was different from the one before. Where the first cock was nice, big and clean, this big black nigger cock was clearly in need of a tongue bath. He was larger than the cock before, but this one had foreskin covering him completely and the musky smell of ballsweat and cum was permeating from it. Mia had mentioned something about a special cock cleaning deal that only the more degenerate customers would take advantage off. Some of them wouldn’t wash their cock for a whole month, only to have it cleaned by the mouth of a pretty young white girl, her tongue lapping up all the cockgrime that had collected. This was clearly one of them. As she peeled back his ample foreskin, she was greeted by a month’s worth of stale semen, smegma and a stray pube, all of them adding to his manly, musky cock scent served to put her brain into the state of a cockhungry suckslut. The sheer manliness of his smell was enough to put her into a state of arousal that you had never seen before. Where she was simply wet before, she was now gushing with her feminine juices, her pheromones mixing in the air with his manly scent. The smell itself was intoxicating, turning your fit fiancées mouth into a fuckhole for his dirty, smelly BBC wouldn’t be very hard for him. Already her mouth was agape in shock and arousal, her tongue lolling out getting closer and closer to him as though her mind was possessed by the thought of cleaning his nasty nigger dick. This time she was less gentle, less restrained. Pulling his foreskin back as much as possible she revealed all of the nasty cockspunk he had saved for her. It was impossible, she had to taste him, she had to get a taste of his smegma loaded glans and the backed up load he was keeping in those fat balls of his, there was no way she could ever pull back now. 

With the enthusiasm of a true cock cleaning whore she went ahead and circled her tongue around his glans, taking in all the smegma and old, stinky semen in one fell swoop, depositing it all on her pretty pink tongue. It didn’t seem as though she was aware of you or the video you couldn’t help but take of her unbridled cock lust, yet still she acted as though she truly was the star actress in her own porn movie. Like a true professional whore she held out her tongue, displaying his nasty spunk on it for the camera, before pulling it back, savoring it in her mouth, coating her taste buds with the unique, salty taste of his unwashed cock. She dipped her tongue into his nigger nut one last time before swallowing all of it in one go. He couldn’t see her display of wanton hedonism, a pretty young girl enjoying the taste of his month old cockspunk, yet still his cock was rock hard, harder and much bigger than yours ever was or could be. He was even bigger than the guy from before! You weren’t the only one that had noticed his size. Your girlfriend had already swallowed his smegma and was now busying herself with his fat cock. With the glans cleaned, she moved on to worship the rest of his cock, dragging her tongue across his length, up and down, tasting the sweat on his skin as she pleasured him. Her spit was beginning to coat his entire length, making her tongue glide across his man meat down to his balls. With his cock glistening with her saliva, she moved on to his heavy balls, kissing them, worshipping them with her mouth, sucking one of them in, holding it inside the warmth of her mouth. It filled her mouth to the brim, yet she somehow managed to glide her tongue across it, sandwiching it between the fat testicle and her plush lips. She quickly switched to the other testicle, sucking it in and giving it the same treatment, licking every fold of his heavy scrotum, sucking in his ballsweat, truly worshipping his heavy dangling testicles with her mouth. It was as if hundreds of years of oppression were being rectified in this very moment. A fertile young white girl down on her knees, practically begging to clean the cock of her black master as her white boyfriend watches. 

Not just his smell is intoxicating. Tasting his cockspunk and heavy, wrinkled ballsack in her mouth just 

made her pussy gush all the more. She needed to feel him in her mouth, feel his lengthy and thick shaft pulsating in her mouth as he gushes rope after rope of thick smelly semen into her hot belly. Neither of you were sure whether the head of his enormous cock would even fit into her mouth, but she sure was going to try. She nearly had to unhook her jaw to truly take his girth into her hot, greedy mouth, but it was certainly worth it. She stretched her lips, her mouth, her jaw to accommodate his size inside of her, getting more comfortable with the man meat in her mouth with each second. It was already glistening with the saliva she had so liberally applied to his shaft with her tongue, but it wasn’t enough spitlube for her to pleasure him with her throat. She needed to feel him though, push past her tongue deep into her, to be used as nothing more than a pocket pussy for his superior cock. Once again she began to prep his meaty glans, covering them in her saliva, her tongue circling around his entire girth, or at least the part she had managed to get inside of her cute little mouth. There seemed to be no back and forth for her as she had resigned to lube him up properly with her spit, he however had other plans. Suddenly he pulled back, almost freeing his cockhead from her greedy mouth. As she rocked her head forth to take him back, to fill the void his cock had left in her mouth, he bucked his hips forward forcefully, ramming it past her mouth, deep into her throat. Her eyes opened in shock and awe at the thick sensation inside of her throat. He had proven to her that she was able to take him, that all the deepthroating she had done on her favorite dildo had worked, that her gag reflex really was gone for good. All of these thought would have ran through her head if she hadn’t been busy gagging on his massive black meatstick. 

Unable to grasp her head, unable to force her into servicing him as a thug like him would usually do, he could only stand back and let her take her pleasure out on him. With new enthusiasm she began to service him, bobbing her head back and forth, throating him ever deeper with each movement, gagging herself on his length. Her wet, hot throat constricted around him as she swallowed, wringing his cock with the slimy muscles of her throat and oesophagus. Her throat was bulging more and more the deeper she gagged herself on his thick cock. Her choker had already been strained by her fist customers cock, but this one truly knocked it out of the park. Each movement, each time she pulled back and throated his meaty dick her throat bulged out until it finally happened. With a *rip* her choker snapped off of her throat, tumbling down her back. She hadn’t even noticed as she was still busying herself with his man meat. Without the tightness of the choker constricting her throat, she was free to service his cock properly. She took his length in its entirety, forcing it down her tight, wet throat inch by inch until his balls hit her chin, the deepest part of his cock already cutting of her air supply. She did not back off however. With him all the way inside of her she proceeded to milk his balls dry with her mouth. With each swallow her oesophagus constricted, massaging the entire length of his cock, enveloping it in her warm wetness. Slowly she bobbed her head back and forth, intent on stimulating his glans with the very end of her throat. Her eyes were beginning to tear up, reddening from their lack of oxygen and the rough throatfucking she was forcing upon herself. The camera took it in perfectly, every single pixel taking in her blissful face, mascara running down her cheeks, saliva running down her lips, dropping down from her chin. 

With one last bob of her head he erupted. Thick ropes of nigger jizz were shooting down her throat into her aching belly. A month’s worth of smelly semen was gushing out of his cock, the jelly like seed clogging up her throat forcing her to swallow or drown in his nut. She had no choice but to choke herself on rope after rope of his nut, each shot heavier and more virile than the last flowing down her oesophagus. She did her best to swallow all of it, but even she was unable to take it all in, her cheeks bulging out as his never ending loads of semen pushed past the cock lodged deep in her throat. You could be proud of your girlfriend. Despite gallons of cum now gushing in her mouth, she didn’t let a 

single drop spill during this time, opting instead to swallow as much of his gift as she possibly could. Again and again his cock pulsated until finally he was done, his balls spent and her belly knocked up with gallons of his semen. Slowly she pulled her head back, making sure the tight seal of her lips gripping to his cock wasn’t broken, making sure not a single sperm would leave her mouth while his cock was still inside of her. Gently she pulled back again, lips pursed as she pulled the massive, semen stained, slimy cock out of her mouth. Quickly she planted one last kiss on his tips, her cheeks still bulging from the mass of semen he had deposited. Clearly he was satisfied, pulling out of the gloryhole had had previously occupied, his cock still messy with his semen and her spit, looking as though he had just finished nutting deep inside the womb of another snowbunny who had thrown herself at him, begged him to please please please breed her black. It wouldn’t have been the first time for him. With his cock out of the picture her attention shifted back to you. Well not you, the camera was the real focus of her attention. Gently she opened her mouth, parting her lips to let his potent semen dribble down her lower lip, the sheer mass of jizz still in her mouth slowly flowing down her chin, staining the expensive top you bought her some time before with his gooey seed. Her face was an absolute mess, covered in spit and semen, the little amount of makeup she wore smeared all over her face from the harsh deepthroating session she had just forced upon herself. 

She serviced several more men that day, each less impressive than the monster cock that had snapped her choker. Each still more than double your size. Her belly was filled to the brim with the superior seed she had received earlier, feeling is slushing around inside of her, making her feel as though she was about to burst. She had opted to not swallow any more semen that day, getting facial after facial instead, until she was glazed from top to bottom with the thick semen of several well hung strangers. It didn’t feel as though a lot of time had passed, but eventually Mia came back in to signal the end of this special shift. 

“Looks like someone had fun. You’re absolutely covered in cum you know that? It actually looks good on you. Reminds me of the good old times. Hey boyfriend, did you get some good footage? Let me take a look at that... Wow I must say, you have an eye for this, these are actually really good. No shacky nonsense, just all the action perfectly encapsulated and preserved on film. Man look at that choker pop off, that’s just beautiful. You should try working for BLACKED. Well BLACKED RAW would fit your style more I think. Now I have to say I never expected anyone to actually break your choker, but this is a special circumstance. You see usually when someone manages to break one of our girls chokers they win an All-You-Can-Breed 24h black breeding session with the girl they broke in. It’s a no holds barred, everything’s allowed, no condom, no pill, lube and sextoys supplied by the store kind of fuckfest. White privilege and white identity erased by the big black bull cock pumping his semen into her fertile whitegirl womb... But that’d be a bit unfair considering you’re just here to help me out today and I wouldn’t want to force anything on you. Plus that guy that broke you in today? Yeah he actually works for the store in the ladies section. Women actually come here to gag themselves on his fat cock. He shouldn’t even be allowed to fuck here, but he probably thought he could just take advantage of my poor newbie friend and her defenseless loser husband. His thoughts, not mine obviously. So don’t worry, I wont force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I wouldn’t want mister boyfriend here to watch you get plowed for a whole day after all. What kind of boyfriend would even allow their woman to get bred by some random guy, am I right?” 

Of course you expected your girlfriend to say no. Sure the idea of her having sex with black men had 

been on both of your minds and you had talked about it before. It’s the whole reason you went to this store in the first place. But she wouldn’t just go ahead and do it without getting your okay first. She was clearly conflicted. Her bare pussy was still drenched, her own wetness having mixed with the seed that had dripped down her body, the combination of her juices and the strangers cum creating a thick lube she had used to rub her aching clit. She needed to get dicked down. Hard. But she persisted. Of course she wouldn’t do such a thing to the boyfriend she loved so dearly. Instead she would go back home to her favourite black dildo, using it to ravage herself, to knock on her cervix with the massive piece of silicone as the two of you watch the video of her gagging on black cocks together. She put her panties and shorts back on. Turning to you again, she planted a big kiss on your mouth, her tongue pushing past your lips and meeting yours. Her semen stained kiss tasted salty. It tasted sweeter than anything else. 

[supernaturalmarauders]

I’m sorry Jensen ackles x daughter reader

summary: You are jensens 15 year old daughter and your parents have been spending there time with your younger siblings. you start to become lonely and start thinking how everyone would be better off without you. Jensen and daniel get a call from your friend, raising her concern for you ,and they learn how bad your mentall health actually is.

Warnings: Possible self harm, suicidal thoughts, self hating language, attempted suicide, bullying, father jensen and mother daniel fluff. 

Please if this is happening to you, or you feel like this tell someone. i know what it’s like to keep your feeling bottled up. please don’t do it. my messages are always open

xxxxxx

you were sitting on your bed staring at the phone screen. it didn’t matter how hard you tried you couldn’t tear your eyes away from it. the hurtful words made you feel something. Everyone assumed That being Y/N Ackles made your life great. and of course your dad and Daniel loved you, but they were far to busy these days for you to bother them with your problems.

Ever since you were a child it had always been you and your dad. your mum didn’t want you so when she gave birth to you, she gave you straight to your father and ran. you were always a quiet kid, never causing any problems. but that meant you learned to  keep your problems to yourself. your father was far to busy with his acting to deal with your miner todler problems.

when daniel came along your father had finally found love again. being 12 years old at the time you understood that they both loved eachother. She treated you like her child, and loved you as much as a mother should. you loved daniel with all of your heart, and so did your father. 

When j, Zeplin, and arrow came along you felt complete. you had always wanted younger siblings, and you finally had them. you loved them, you really did, but sometimes you wished your parents would have more time for you. 

2 months ago your family moved houses and you had to start at a new school. your siblings were all to young to start school, whilst you were starting your 10th grade. being 15 was hard enough, but having to start at a whole knew school was nothing good. normally you would have no problem making friends. everyone knew the name Ackles. sometimes you wished you had actuall friends who didn’t just hang around with you for the exposure. sometimes you wished you were lucky enough to score real friends.

but this time you knew it wouldn’t be the same. you knew from day one that you were not welcome at that school. from the very start you were called horrible names, and contantly hurt, shoved, pushed, tripped, and more when you were just collecting your books. you couldn’t add on to your parents stress and you knew that your siblings were to young to understand, so you kept quiet. 

sometimes you would video chat (Insert best friend name here). your best friend from your old school. she was your friend because she loved you as a person, not because of your name. but you knew better than anyone that she didn’t need your problems adding onto her stress. 

xxxxxxx

“Y/N dinner” called daniel from the kitchen. you wiped you eyes and switched your phone screen off. you pulled on you’re jumper and pajama pants and went down stairs. when you arrived you saw your mother feeding arrow and your father feeding zep. Jay was sitting at the table eating her pasta and watching a barbie movie on her Ipad. 

“Your dinners on the bench Y/N, help yourself” Siad your dad gesturing to the bowel of pasta left for you. 

“Thanks” You said taking a small portion of pasta and sitting next to jay. once Daniel noticed the little amount of pasta on your plate she nudged your dad on the shoulder, causing him to look at your plate. 

“Are you not going to eat anymore” Asked Daniel worry evident in her voice. 

“Sorry mum, i’m not that hungry” you mumbled playing with your food. 

“Are you not feeling well honey” asked you dad, taking his eyes of zep. 

“I’m alright, just don’t have much of an appitite” you said shrugging off the  matter. 

Your parents looked at eachother, more worry evident on there features. truth be toold they had a reason to worry. since you moved you hadn’t been eating as much as you should be. you play basketball so you needed to maintain your body. however since moving you had dropped basketball completely. you spen’t most of your lunchbreaks in the library, where food isn’t allowed. you had lost 20 kilograms in the past 2 months, which wasn’t healthy considering you were already small for your age. Your parent’s had been noticing the weight loss, but didn’t really question it considering that they thought you were just stressed. however 2 months in and you were still showing signs. 

“Y/N, can you braid my hair please” asked jay giving you puppy dog eyes. you sighed. 

“Course jay” you said letting jay lead you up to her shared bedroom, leaving your bowl of food untouched. 

xxxxxxxxx

“I’m worried about her” said your mum once you had left the room. 

“Me two” said your dad, concern clearly evident in his voice

“You don’t think she’s anorexic do you” Asked your mum placing arrow down in the high chair. 

“I don’t hink so, she would have lost more weight by now. besides she would be excercising like crazy, she doesn’t seem to leave her bed much now days” said your father placing zepline in the chair opposite arrow. 

“Maybe she’s going through exams, that could be why she’s loosing all the weight” said your mum, trying to find a reason for your weight loss. 

“The school wrang me yesterday”. said your dad just as he remembered. 

“You’re only telling me this now, what did they say” asked your mother. 

“Her lunch pass hasn’t been used in over a month. they also said that she dropped out of basketball and drama, they were worried about her” said your dad. 

“Maybe we should give her some space untill she opens up” said your mum cleaning up the dishes. 

“Yeah maybe”. said your dad. he knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. 

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The following day at school you kept your head down and avioded the crowds of poeple walking the halls you quickly grabbed you’re books and headed to the bathroom. shutting the stool door you pulled up your jumper revealing the many cuts and burns running up your hip, you silently let a tear fall down you’re face knowing that you were so lost. you pulled back down you’re jumper and walked over to the mirror, your appearence looked tired. your hair looked dead and your eyes had purple bags under them, your face looked deathly pale and slim, far different from the girl you used to be. you washed your face picked up your bags and hastily exsited the bathroom. 

after ariving to you’re first class you found your seat in the midle of the classroom and pulled out your laptop, you stopped when you saww it. the top of it was covered in notes full of hatefull words, drawn on in permanent marker, you opemed it to see more written on you’re screen. 

you let the tears full freely down your face, you didn’t know why but you started reading them. 

“GO DIE, YOUR PARENT’S WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU’ 

“I’M SURE YOURE SIBLINGS WOULD PREFER IT IF YOU JUST LEFT” 

“ YOU DIRTY PIECE OF FILTH, NO ONE LIKES YOU, JUST GO BACK TO THE HELL HOLE YOU CAME FROM’ 

‘ YOU FILTHY SLUT, GO SPREAD YOUR GERMS SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOUR NOT WANTED HER SO DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND DIE” 

You didn’t realise untill you finsihed that the whole class was laughing at you. because it was a study period you didn’t have an assigned teacher so there was no one to tell them to stop. you packed up your stuff and headed to the library where you would signed in and set in the corner. sitting down on a bean bag you curled up and started sobbing. pulling out your phone you looked through the photos. the one of zeplin, jay, and arrow, sitting curled into you while you read to them. the one of you your dad and daniel when you won your first basketball game. the one of you and (Best friend) when you both won the science fair. the one of you and your primary school teacher when you recieved your graduation certificate. you started crying even more, knowing that things would never be the same again. 

You were about to turn off your phone when you saw a call from your dad you wiped the tears from your eyes and answered it. 

“Hey dad” You said as cheery as you could

“Hey bug, how are you” he said 

“Fine, is everything okay” you said knowing that your dad normally didn’t call you during school hours. 

“Everythings fine. me and mum are going to have to stay on set late tonight. the kids are with uncle jared. is it okay if you catch the bus home today. theres dinner in the fridge and the remote on the counter” asked your dad 

“Of course” you said trying not to cry. 

“okay sweetie, we’ll be home as soon as we can. i love you” said your dad hanging up the phone 

“I love you to” you wispered to no one in particular. 

xxxxxxxx

The bus ride home was horrible. you constantly had paper and balls thrown at you, and insults left right and centre. you packed up your stuff and headed off the bus afew stoped before your house, so you could clear your head. on the way out your bus driver grabbed your arm. 

“You okay kid” he asked kindly a sad smile on his lips. you put on your fake smile a replied an “i’m fine” before exsiting the bus. you took your time getting home as you knew it would be hours before anyone else arrived. you unlocked the door and thre you backpack onto the kitchen counter, not caring that your laptop was in the bottom of the bag. you slowly made your accent up the stairs and into your room. 

your room was at the end of the hallway, you parents room was the next door down and your sisters’ room was next to them, across the halls was your brothers room. you sighed and pushed open your door revealing the room that was once full of life. the walls were painted grey and all of your exam papers were lying scattered acroos the floor. your clothes lied on a pile next to the bed and your art supplies was scattered across your desk, like it was a month ago. 

your bathroom looked spotless and clean, much different to your bedroom. you walked back into your bedroom and pulled up your phone, you had a binch of text messages from about 50 unknown numbers. you felt your heart finally shatter. you had never given anyone your number, and now the harrasment would never stop. you threw your phone onto your bed and slid down the wall, letting the tears fall freely. you couldn’t do it anymore. you didn’t have the energy, you just didn’t want to. it had taken everything you had to make it this far, and you just didn’t have the fight anymore, you let the rest of your tears fall before pulling yourself off your floor and sitting on the bed. feeling your phone vibrate you picked it up to see a message with a table. by closer look you saw a petition. not just any petitiion, a petition about you. the “Get Y/N Ackles to dye petition” that already contained 280 signatures, 

you stared at your phones screen, emotionless. it wasn’t untill you felt the phone vibrate again that you saw an incoming call from (Your best friend) you letit ring a bit hoping it would go away, before you lost your patience and slid the answer buttin across. 

“Y/N hey, hey, answer me, are you okay” asked your best friend in a panicked tone. 

‘i’m sorry” you wisper into the phone. 

“What are you sorry for, Y/N, tell me that your okay”. begged your best friend. 

“I’m sorry but i can’t do it anymore... i love you” you say letting more tears fall down your face. 

“NO Y/N stay on the line, come on , i need you, your so much stronger than this” begged (Your best friend). 

“Goodbye (best friend) i love you” you say hanging up the phone and pulling yourself into the bathroom.

slowly you walk yourself into the bathroom, and drag yourself infront of the mirror. 

“I’m sorry mum, dad, jj,(best friend) zeplin, arrow, but this isn’t the right place for me” you say, grabbing medication and a razor from the cupboard. wiht as much energy as you could muster you shover 2 hanfulls of pllis down your throat. after feeling your eyes drop, you dig the razor into your skin cutting the vain open and letting the blood pour freely. 

“I’m sorry, i’m sorry” you say before you drift off into the land of unconciousness.

xxxxxxx

your dad had just finished filming the final sceen when he felt his phone buzz, he pulled it out but didn’t recognize the number, knowing it was probably business he answered it anyway. 

“Hello, jensen ackles speaking” he said through the phone

“Mr ackels it’s (Best friend)” your father heard (best friend) through the phone. only it sounded like she was crying. 

“Hey (best friend) is everything okay” asked your father genuinly worried. 

“Have you been on instagram lately” she asked. 

“Not lately” he said. 

“Can you please have look” said (Your best friend) crying

you dad kept the call running while he opened instagram, what he saw broke his heart. he saw tones and tones of hate messages comments and posts about you. but the one thing that got to him most was a petition, saying for you to kill youself. 

“(best friend name) wheres charlotte” said your father starting to tear up. he hear (Your best friend) started sobbing. 

“I was on the phone to her just before, i think she’s going to commit suicide mr ackles, she hung up on me and won’t answer her phone” cried (your best friend) 

your father felt stupid. how did he not notice, he let the tears flow freely. 

“(Best friend) thank you so much” wispered your dad before hanging up the phone. and serching for another number 

“Hey jensen” said jared through the phone 

“Jared i need you to call an ambulance for our adress, Y/N is home and i got a call from her friend. you’re colser to home than we are, i think she’s going to comit suicide” said your father through the phone crying. 

“Okay, i’ll head over there noe, i’ll leave the kids with gen, just go to the hospital, i’ll go in the ambulance with her” said jared hanging up the phone. 

your dad walked over to your mum with tears running downhis face 

“j, whats wrong” asked your mum, worried, 

“It’s Y/N” 

XXXXX

Your head was heavy, your throat hurt more than anything, and your body felt like it had been dumped. you could hear the beeping of a mechine and imidiately knew you were in the hospital. 

“Y/N” you heard someone say from your bed. 

“Dad” you said opening your eyes and adjusting to the light. 

“Hey bug”. said your dad removing the mas from around your face so you could talk properly. You tried to sit but your dad pushed you back down. 

“Hey don’t move, you need to rest” said your dad pushing you back down and planting a kiss on your head

“You gave us a right good scare sweetie” said your mum grabbing your hand from the other side of the bed. recalling the previous events you started sobbing. 

“I’m sorry” you said your body shaking from the sobs. 

“No, no, don’t appologise, we should be the ones appologising”. said your dad brushing your hair away from your face. 

“but you didn’t do anything” you said. 

“We wern’t the parents you needed. we should have realised something was wrong. thats our job. if (best friend) hadn’t called your dad you wouldn’t be here” said your mum kissing your palm. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you. i just didn’t want to fight anymore” you said leaning into your fathers embrace. 

“ I understand that Y/N, but we need you. were always here to talk. we know that you didn’t talk to us because you thought with the others it was to much. but nothings ever to much. please don’t scare us. talk to us. we are always here” said your mum jumping on the other side of the bed. 

“I know” you said keeping your head down. 

“ were going to work through this together, you don’t have to be strong all the time, but you need to talk to us, deal” said your dad lifting your chin up. 

“Deal” You said smiling. 

“Good, we love you bug” said your mum planting a kiss on your head. 

“I love you both two” you said. feeling happy for the first time in months.

[oneblckcoffee]

Only Us [2]

Pairing - Mob!Harrison x Mob!Fem!Reader

Word Count - 2,044

Warnings - drinking, swearing

A/N - i have no excuse as to why this is EIGHT MONTHS LATE. im sorry ok, but life got in the way. im not sure when the next chapter is gonna be up but @rupimiller kinda pressured (but mostly motivated) me to write this, so i guess peer pressure is the way to go? ALSO, the name is based on the song Only Us from Dear Evan Hansen, you can listen to it here. it’ll make sense eventually. anyway enjoy!

chapter 1

—

Harrison woke up that fateful afternoon, feeling numb. He was hungover, with a pounding headache, and the unexpected wake up call from Tom had left him slightly disoriented. This was his new normal, though. The drinking, the smoking and the occasional drugs; anything to ward off his actual feelings, to numb the pain. He was simply going through the motions; taking each day at a time, still struggling to come to terms with reality and the consequences brought about by his actions. 

He sat up at the edge of his bed, resting his head in his hands, waiting for the dizziness to subside. With a sigh, he stood up and made his way to the en suite bathroom. Harrison stood in front of the vanity, taking in his reflection. His eyes were bloodshot, lids still heavy with sleep, and the bags under them could never fully describe how tired he truly felt. His hair was disheveled, sticking out every which way. His eyes fell on his torso, on the scar that ran down his chest, all the way to gunshot wound in the middle of his abdomen. The physical wounds had healed very well over time, the scar almost invisible to the untrained eye but the pain was still there, the memories all too fresh in his mind. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, Harrison entered the shower. 

—

This meeting had been in the books for a while now and Harrison had been dreading it ever since. When he first discovered that Tom had reached out to you, he was livid. He could not believe that Tom would undermine his authority and ask a stranger for help. Harrison did not want to admit that they needed the help, especially not from some random girl who’s father just happened to be well respected in the industry. However, he was painfully aware that things needed to change if they wanted to stay on top. Once he got over his initial anger, he did of course realise that this was the only way to climb out of the hole they currently found themselves in. So even though he didn’t agree with Tom’s methods he trusted his judgement and decision, partly because Tom had never failed him but mostly because he was grateful that Tom hadn’t dropped the ball on things, unlike him. 

And for those reasons, Harrison got dressed and found himself sitting in the passenger seat of the Porsche as Tom drove them to their destination. As he sat in the car, Harrison noticed a silence that would not be there on any other day. Usually, Tom would put on some music for car journeys as long as the one ahead of them and would talk about some client that was being difficult, but today he was way too occupied in his thoughts to bother with any of that. The pair had been inseparable ever since they met in primary school; they were as thick as thieves and had been with each through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. They knew each other better than the back of their own hands and trusted each other to a fault. So of course Harrison noticed his tense demeanour instantly - his jaw was clenched and his hands were gripping the steering wheel a bit too tightly. His brows were knotted and even though his eyes were trained on the road ahead, they seemed distant and lost in thought.

“Alright, out with it,” said Harrison, who couldn’t take the silence any more. He’d much rather have Tom talk his ear off than watch him battle his thoughts, alone. 

“What d’you mean?” asked Tom, not once taking his eyes off the road.

“Mate, I know you’re worried about this but I can’t have you this distracted when we’re there, so what’s on your mind?”

“This needs to work out. I need it to work out,” Tom sighed, “And yes, I’m incredibly aware that this could very well be an ambush. We’re not armed, have no backup and are meeting a very dangerous stranger in the middle of nowhere. Things could end badly, not that they were great to begin with. I don’t know why I agreed to all her terms and I regret not setting our own but we have no leverage, she’s doing us a huge courtesy by even agreeing to meet us ‘cause we all know that she doesn’t need this. Which just makes me question her intentions further, ‘cause like, she can just wait us out and watch from the sidelines as we fuck ourselves over and then there’s one less family in the mob world. But no, she agreed to hear us out and discuss a possible merger which doesn’t really do her any good, at least nothing that I could think of. And to add to that, we barely have anything on her! I’ve done my research, if I can even call it that, and all I could find is that she’s young and runs the business and has ruffled some feathers here and there. That’s it! There’s nothing else on her, not many people even know that she’s a part of her father’s business. She may as well not exist, that’s how little we actually know about her, and that’s never a good sign.”

Tom let out a deep breath and brought a hand up to his eyes to try and relieve some of his headache. He was rambling and he was stressed and tired and way in over his head. This was new territory for both of them and neither knew what was going to happen in that bar. They were desperate and this was probably their last chance to save face and not burn their business to the ground.

“I trust you, you know that right?” Harrison reassured, “You’ve never made a wrong decision. Hell, you’ve managed to keep my ass out of trouble for such a long time you deserve a goddamn award!”

Tom let out a small laugh, “Yeah, it’s not easy mate.”

Harrison clapped Tom’s shoulder, “I know and I’m sorry that we’re in this situation right now and I know it’s my fault even though you’re never gonna blame me for it. But we’re gonna fix this, alright? One way or another.”

“Yeah.”

Harrison didn’t really know if he was going to accept your offer, he didn’t even know the specifics of the deal that you had discussed with Tom. But he trusted him to make the right decision so he stayed silent while they sat in the rundown bar waiting for you to arrive.

—

Forty-five minutes.

They had been sitting there in that bar for forty-five minutes, drinking and waiting. Tom was still anxious and lost in his thoughts while Harrison was getting more annoyed with every passing second. He’d suggested leaving twenty minutes ago but stayed because he didn’t want to argue with Tom. 

“This is ridiculous,” he muttered, getting up from the booth to make his way to the bar to get himself yet another whiskey. The bartender had been eyeing them ever since they walked through the doors, sometimes even eavesdropping in on their conversation from time to time. He handed Harrison his drink, without exchanging any words and watched as he walked back towards the booth before continuing with his work.

Harrison sat down beside Tom, sipping on his drink. He had almost finished his drink when a soft thud caught his attention. His head immediately moved in the direction of sound, eyes straining to see the figures at the door in the dimly lit bar. His eyes were trained on you, as you and a guy entered the bar, following your every move. His eyes travelled across your figure; you were wearing a light blue shirt with some trousers and a pair of heels and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t think you were attractive.

“Mate, she’s hot,” said Tom, his face flushed with relief at your arrival. Harrison gave him a pointed look. “What, you told me to relax?” Harrison rolled his eyes but a soft chuckle fell from his lips.

He watched as you took a seat at the bar, listening to your conversation with the bartender. He tried to get a read on you, as you intentionally made them wait longer, but couldn’t which was new for him. You finally finished your conversation with the bartender, grabbed your drink and joined them at their booth.

“Hello boys,” you said, as you sat across from the two of them, studying them. Tom was sitting up straight, his fingers interlaced in front of him on the table, eager whereas Harrison leant back in his seat, his left arm resting on the backrest of the booth, uninterested.

“Fucking finally.”

“Excuse me?”

“We’ve been waiting for an hour.”

“No, you’ve been waiting for fifty minutes. But I really do apologise for making you wait ten more minutes than I initially planned; you see, something important came up.”

A snort left Tom’s lips that he tried (and failed) to cover up with a cough and Harrison rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, I guess I should properly introduce myself, eh? I’m Y/N Y/L/N. Yes, Y/L/N. Meaning that Y/D/N Y/L/N is my father. And you must be the Osterfield family disappointment, yeah?”

You were trying to rile him up, push his buttons as far as you can, just to see what he would do. You noticed his jaw clenching, tightening the grip on his glass, his eyes never leaving yours as he brought the whiskey to his mouth.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such short notice, Ms. Y/L/N,” began Tom. “You may have heard that we are in need of some assistance, financially, and the prospect of a deal with you and your dad is very appealing to us. As discussed, we’ve agreed to share the profit and territory with your organisation. In exchange, we’re willing to provide you with any assistance or man power that you may need.”

While Tom was talking, your eyes never left Harrison’s; his icy stare meeting yours. You only looked away when Tom was done rambling.

“It’s Tom, yeah?” You asked rhetorically, finally looking at him, “you can cut the bullshit, Tom. Everyone in the fucking country knows you’re sinking and the sharks are beginning to circle and you’re need me to come in and save you.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

“That is the only way to put it. Let’s be honest, I’m your best, worst option. Everyone else wants you dead, and most of the time I agree with that sentiment. But you could be useful.”

“Oh how so?” asked Harrison mockingly, pushing himself off the backrest and leaning forward. He knew you were going to be cocky given the circumstances, but your know-it-all attitude was beginning to annoy him.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Bullshit.”

“Well, you’re just gonna have to wait to find out.”

“That’s not how it works, love.”

“That’s how it’s gonna work, love.”

You knew of Harrison’s reputation. Cutthroat, unyielding, short tempered. Nothing you hadn’t dealt with before. Yet he annoyed you, which wasn’t something you were expecting.

“So, Tom. How does 80-20 sound?”

“Fuck, no.”

“What, no way. That’s not what we discussed on the phone. We settled on 60-40.”

“Yeah I know, love. But you see, I run the south and you barely have a grip on the north. Your business is failing and honestly, I don’t trust you. So, 80-20.”

“We still have some power.”

“In your fucking dreams, Osterfield. The only reason why you’re not dead yet cause people are still scared of you.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t see anything to be intimidated by.”

“Would you go for 70-30, maybe?” tried Tom.

“No we’re not doing fucking 70-30!” said Harrison, “It’s 60-40. That’s it. Take it or leave it.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you, boys. Let’s go Michael.” you said, getting up from the booth. Tom had his head in his hands, Harrison was angry underneath the cold exterior but also worried. Didn’t Tom say that this was their best chance?

“Fuck you, mate.”

chapter 3

tags - @deleteidentity @rupimiller

[lucimorningstar812]

Review of the Decade

From the beginning of 2010 to the very end of 2019, this decade had certainly been a journey that has defined me, for better and for worse. So here’s a list of things I can recall that happened and have brought me to where I am now

Trigger warnings of self harm, suicide and manipulative relationships Also this is VERY long

2010

I went to Thailand for the 2nd time, with my grandparents and mum

I used to use my mum’s Facebook to play games and keep up with friends. She eventually gave me her account and made a new one for herself

I had my Year 6 prom, which I remember being a relationship counsellor for my best friend and her boyfriend while my own boyfriend didn’t even go. There was also an end of year residential trip for year 6 that was one of these adventure centres with abseiling and stuff

I left primary school with pretty decent SATs grades and got into the high school I wanted. Not many people I knew were going, and it was tough at first, but once I started making friends, it became a lot easier

I had my longest relationship (6 months) with said boyfriend I mentioned earlier I’d know for a few years now, and would continue to be friends with throughout high school and into college

I got some stick insects! It was fun to have them for the short time we did. I also kept snails and a caterpillar for a short period of time

2011

My mum had to go into hospital for back surgery

I went to France with school. Discovered I am AWFUL with boats and part of that trip was to Disney, but not even the main park and even then, I barely saw anything because my friends abandoned me

I joined the school netball team. Well, I think it was 2011 when I joined

I sprained my ankle. This damn injury still bothers me to this day if I walk too much, and it’s only just gotten better after recently aggravating it again

2012

I was part of a group at school that we called PAD (people are different) and it was essentially an anti-bullying group

I went on a coach trip to Newquay with my grandparents and mum, and part of the trip was going to the Eden Centre. I loved that trip so much

I got a pair of budgies. Lilith and Jasper were my little sweethearts that I trained to even sit on my finger

2013

I can’t remember if it was this year or late 2012, but I started learning to play violin, and then when I started my GCSEs, that became my focus instrument for the practical exam

The last time I went abroad. We (my grandparents and I) went to Bulgaria for the 2nd time. We stayed at the same resort so we had a decent idea of where everything was now, and it was lovely, but the weeks leading up to going troubled me a lot as all I could imagine was the plane crashing. The anxiety from that and being in the airport is why I’m not too nervous to go abroad

Honestly can’t remember what else happened

2014

I was part of an orchestra. It was part of my GCSE because my music teacher said it would help my friend and I improve, and she also convinced us to go by saying she would take us the first night and buy us KFC

Went to York for the first time with my parents, and then London with my mum, where we stayed with a family friend and did lots of touristy stuff

My Uncle’s dog Ki died. I loved him to bits and I still get upset sometimes thinking about him. He was the first of the 3 to die. I can’t remember when Nikita died, but Shamara was only a few weeks back

2015

I can’t remember if it was this year or 2014, but I did a keeper academy at my zoo and had some amazing experiences, like stroking a sea lion

Had my high school prom. Got to wear my dream dress and it was actually a lo of fun, just hanging out with friends and enjoying the night

Left high school with pretty good GCSEs and got into sixth form, but starting college was my downfall

Got into a relationship for the first time in 4 years with a manipulative asshole who tried to accuse me of manipulating him and forced me to do sexual things I didn’t want to because apparently if we didn’t, he couldn’t be sure the relationship would last. Also felt suicidal for the first time, and when I told my boyfriend, he broke up with me because I wasn’t the girl he fell in love with and it scared him

Had him and my two other friends fuck me over multiple times

2016

Had lost all my friends, so I had to cling to my best friend and hang around with his friends in order to not be alone. Ended up falling for one of his friends and getting into another relationship. Still a shitty one, but better and it hurt way more when that ended

My best friend got into a relationship with one of he friends who fucked me over the previous year. I made friends with her again for his sake, but then she fucked up his life and dragged me down too because I trusted him more than her

Went to Cardiff and the Doctor Who Experience for my 18th. An experience I will forever be grateful for because the place isn’t there anymore

2017

The worst year of my life by a long shot

My dog, my beautiful baby girl Sandy, was put to sleep at age 11. Losing her broke me, and I’ve never recovered, because she was around for over half my life and I never fully grieved, which caused me to unintentionally shut off some emotional reactions that I’ve never gotten back

I had my first proper emotional breakdown at a student day at the college I was looking to go to. I realised all these years I’d been following a dream I didn’t want anymore and was doing it to please everyone else as well as not panic about not having a plan b. I gave up the goal of being a vet, something I had worked towards since I was old enough to know what a vet was

Not part of the bad, but I went to a supernatural convention and got to meet a bunch of the stars which was pretty cool since it’s the first time I’d ever done something like that

Got the closest I ever have to actually considering suicide and throughout that day, spent so much time thinking of how I could do it. Couldn’t go through with anything obviously but it didn’t stop me using a tie to choke myself multiple times trying to make myself pass out, which left a bruise on my neck

I self harmed a lot more back then, from 2015 onward really, and I have all the scars to show

2018

Saw Mark and the guys on tour, and Mark blew a kiss at me. First time I’d ever seen any of the YouTubers I watch in person

Was supposed to get a rescue puppy, but she and her whole litter bar one died. I’d already been feeling iffy about getting a dog again, and this was the last straw that sent me into my worst depressive episode of feeling nothing for 2 straight weeks

Met Dan and Phil at their show during said numbness period. Meant I couldn’t feel anxiety which I guess was good

Ended up getting a puppy and the depression kicked in on day 2 that I waned nothing to do with this dog after saying for months I didn’t even want a dog

Nan got diagnosed with leukaemia and was in and out of hospital for the next few months, first with chemo and then for her bone marrow transplant. I saw her at her lowest, where she was just about ready to give up

Met so many amazing people at the HDWGH show, and got to ask Sean a question in the Q&A. The best day of my life, well until VidCon 2020

Had a massive fallout with my sister, essentially making it so I didn’t speak to her at all throughout 2019 unless I had to

2019

I outlined everything in this post, but there’s a couple of things I didn’t include

Me and my sister made up. Might not be a permanent thing, but at least at Christmas everything felt ok again

I embraced my sexuality this year. I had been questioning it since 2013/2014, and realised I wasn’t straight before June 2018, but 2019 was really the year I thought ‘yes, I’m panroace and proud’

I’ve missed a shit ton of stuff because things blur together and I don’t remember when anything happened, but this decade started with someone excited and determined. It’s ending with some who has that same passion but for a different path, after fighting through the darkest times I’ve had to face. I am who I am, and I am ready both for 2020 and for the next decade

[chrysaliseuro2019]

Shaken And A Little Bit Stirred

Our three weeks in Greece has gone by in the wink of an eye. We have loved all of it. While Milos has been our least favourite (but still very enjoyable), Folegandros was scenically stunning and the town intimate and magical. Little streets and alleys lead into squares and while tourists have definitely found it, it’s lovely to see the locals having hung on to their little houses, out on their porches in the evenings chatting away. The tourist crowd are mainly couples or families so no pumping dance music to detract from the gentle vibe.

The Peloponnese is a must-see and I hope this has come through in the blog. As a tourist in July wanting to go where the crowds aren’t this is the place. And there is something for everyone; history buffs, museum enthusiasts, hardy hikers or beach sloths. So much to see, so much to do and a month there would not feel too long.

But today we leave and it’s a mega travel day so up and about doing chores. First off was shuffling the odd piece of still damp washing on our balcony washing line (one of the small and welcome creature comforts of an extended holiday) to take full advantage of sun and breeze. Then packing of cases which is becoming increasingly strategic commensurate with additional purchases, followed by getting the hotel to print out our flight boarding passes. Breakfast, then the final odds ‘n sods into the cases in readiness for our lift from Hotel Riga’s to the port.

Hotel Rigas was delightful. While only 2 stars, the room and balcony were enormous. But the bathroom this time was the size of 2 telephone booths and only room for one person due to an oversized awkwardly placed door which to close you practically had to stand on the toilet. Fortunately after 36 years of marriage, modesty is a concern long forgotten. The staff were the real standout with brother Panos and Christos the front office charmers. But the real star of the show was the housekeeper, who when we returned to the room after our first day out, had hung up our clothes, put things away in cupboards and done a through tidy up. It felt like mum had been in doing a Spring clean . I wanted to pay her one way fare to Fergie Street.

Ferry due to leave at 11.25am and arrived only 10 minutes late which was a relief. Systematic disembarkment for the Milos foot passenger and car arrivals followed by and orderly boarding by those leaving. This was in stark contrast to the Athens leaving fiasco necessitating dashing hither and thither avoiding a reversing oil tanker, taxis, buses, boxes on the wharf, cases, the passenger carrying a canary in a cage and a lot of agitated passengers. Piraeus Port Authority could do worse than do a study trip to a few islands for a few tips on traffic management.

Ferry went via nearby islands Sifnos & Serifos gradually filling on its way to Piraeus. Happily the sea was calm and the boat steady with the 4 hours passing quickly and uneventfully. Food onboard was also worthy of mention for the wrong reason. We shared a smoked turkey, cheese and mayo sandwich. The less said about that the better.

The TVs were showing some FINA Watersport competitions including the Greeks versus the Sth Koreans at water polo. It was Goliaths vs The Punes. The score of 13-2 representative of the physical strength imbalance. Chris was surprised the Punes didn’t turn tail and head straight back to Sth Korea when they caught sight of their opposition. Next on were the prissy-glittery-glammed-up teams of synchronised swimmers. We were half watching it (Chinese coming first followed by the Japanese, who we thought only average, then Ukraine) when the TVs changed to another station. Because all Greek discussion is loud and intense (and our Greek has not progressed beyond yassas and efcharistó) we had no idea whether it was the Midday Show, a regular news bulletin or some current affairs show. With no more synchronised swimming our books got 100% attention until we docked at 3.30pm.

Things were going too well for them to last. So they didn’t. With our ferry due at Piraeus at 3.30pm and our flight to Rome via Trieste due to depart at 7.10pm it was going to be a bit tight to take a train so we’d contacted a car transfer company which sends quotes. First quote arrived on Tuesday for £65 then decreased incrementally over the 3 days to £30. There seemed to be no time limit as to when you could accept the offer so we made sure the ferry was (a) going at all and (b) not delayed before we committed. As soon as we sailed we booked the transfer and emailed the driver to confirm the booking advising what ferry we were on expecting someone to be there when we arrived

Needless to say they weren’t. Port of Piraeus is not our happy place. Meanwhile my phone reconnected to the internet and I received a message from our niece asking if we were ok after hearing about the earthquake. I didn’t think anything more of it.

Meanwhile I put in a phone call to our organised driver who knew nothing of the booking and said he would call me back. Five minutes and no call back so I called him back only for it to ring out. Chris called him but the +44 English prefix probably gave it away cos he didn’t pick up that call either. So several calls to the company who didn’t seem be able to sort a driver resulting in my ire being raised about taking bookings that can’t be filled etc. We await a refund. But the bigger problem was time was on the wing and it was now 4.30pm so we went in search of a taxi.

Taxis in the port area were all pre booked so we found a taxi rank and asked the price. €80/$120!! Tell them they’re dreaming! Already pissed off about pre-booked driver no-show I got into a debate with the driver saying “We would take the taxi and trust the metre”. His bluff was ”It would be more expensive”. I countered “That would work better for you and we’ll take our chances”. His final response was “Take the bus lady” so we walked off in principle. (Think Chris reading my mood thought silence was his safest option.) I asked his mate also in the taxi queue but it was clearly a cartel cos he looked sheepish as he quoted the same which saved him losing face in front of his thieving mate. At this stage I thought my principles might cost us dearly with a missed flight (and I’d have a lot of apologising to do and a lot of extra Holmesglen shifts to cover the cost of lost flights) when we tried to flag down a taxi joining the rank who waved us off. But sometimes sticking to your guns pays off because a little modern Mercedes came around the corner driven by a taxi angel called Lorenzo who stopped as we waved him down. Quote €50. Deal! As he was loading the bags Lorenzo excitedly asked us if we’d felt the earthquake. So this explained the change of TV programming and the text message checking in on us. At around 2pm central Athens had experienced a 5.6 earthquake followed by aftershocks. We googled it and sure enough it was Athens’ first earthquake since the one in 1990 which resulted in 146 deaths and many more injured. Lorenzo who was driving through the city at the time said you don’t feel the movement of an earthquake when driving so he wasn’t aware what was happening. He said people were running out of buildings and dropping to the ground causing him to wonder if it was a terrorist attack. Fortunately there seemed to be no damage and deaths this time.

We were finally on our way to the airport with Lorenzo who determined the usually fast freeway route was jammed (we assumed as a response to the earthquake) taking 1.45 hours so the slower coastal route was a better option. The traffic around Piraeus was appalling but this bloke had the same traffic mindset as Chris....never, ever, ever sit in a traffic jam. We belted down bumpy narrow backroads made even narrower with cars parked on either side as we avoided the bottleneck around the port. The traffic was still heavily congested but our driver took every advantage of space by cutting in at the front of queues, forming extra turning lanes etc. It was quite the performance.

Not only was he determined to deliver us to the airport on time, he loved a chat. He was an Albanian in his mid 30’s married to a Greek with with two primary school aged children. He had been a semi professional soccer goalkeeper and along with taxi driving worked as a goal keeper coach. He proudly told us that only goal keepers can coach the skills of goal keeping. Lorenzo kept us entertained with stories saying when he was young he was popular because he wanted to play keeper whereas it was usually the fat kids who were lumped into that role because all the aspiring Ronaldos wanted to be the goal kicking stars. Another one we enjoyed was that his father used to regularly dink him 24 kilometres on the back of his pushbike in Albania to see a soccer match. The distance wasn’t the only issue as the roads built by the Italians post WW2 hadn’t received any attention from the communist government leaving them rutted, potholed and crumbling. Lorenzo and his dad’s bums must have been black and blue after those 48 kilometre round trips. He was also very interested in our lives so by the time we arrived at the airport at 5.50pm we were thoroughly relaxed with our faith in taxi drivers restored. We happily handed him €60 which he thought generous. We felt certain we were on the better end of that deal.

Flight to Trieste had a Rome stopover. The first leg to Rome left on time and was fine. After landing when the seat belt lights were switched the bloke beside me on the window side stood impatient to get off and leaned all over the top of me breathing heavily - he was not a small man. Usually I would get up too but with leg room being tight and row 24 being towards the back of the plane I stayed seated waiting for the 23 rows ahead to get themselves organised. This did not please bully boy next to me. After putting up with him literally right over the top of me panting I eventually stood at my middle seat. He took this as an opportunity to lean over me attempting to reach up into the luggage hold to drag his oversized case down. With the two irksome experiences at Piraeus still rankling I was not in the mood to be hassled. I refused to move and pushed back against him thwarting his attempts. When I finally moved out toward the aisle he reached over and dragged the case down telling me to move off before the people from the row in front. I told him in no uncertain terms I wasn’t moving until they were out of their seats in to aisle. Could excuse him if he was a peasant or had another flight to catch, but indeed he was well dressed and did not go to transit when we got off. That made 3 strikes with the no-show and thieving taxi driver so my patience was sorely tested.

Fortunately for everyone, probably most of all Chris who’s cage doesn’t generally get as rattled as mine, we had a spare seat for the next flight.

Landed at Trieste just before 11pm so had been on the go for 12 hours. Luggage arrived quickly making a dash to catch the 11.15pm train possible. We arrived at the station with the train pulling in. However we hadn’t had a chance to purchase tickets and with the machine caught in a loop, the train stopping for less than a minute and the guard less than helpful with advice we had to let it go. The only tip he gave us was not to buy the tickets on train as they were €50 more expensive that way (sounds to me like a euphemism for fine). Gave up on the train, taxis €60 (A$100) so not prepared to pay that. Instead we waited and caught the bus whose ticket machine also wasn’t working. No machine =no pay. Suited us. Took 45 minutes to get to TriesTe central station but enjoyed talking to a young helpful Slovenian man who had lived in Sydney for 3 months and a young Romanian woman who works as a purser on one of the small cruise boats that was hit by the big liner in Venice recently. Fortunately for her she was on leave at the time.

Grateful that Chris had booked our hotel not 5 minutes walk from Central Station. To top it all off our room stunk off cigarette smoke and the window shutters refused to open. Night manager couldn’t open them either so a quick move into neighbouring room which proved to be far nicer. Needless to say both knackered. Hope the travel Gods go gently on us tomorrow.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

dan made me do it

(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)

So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time

I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)

So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)...  like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?

So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...

& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?

I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!

So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...

So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??

I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...

I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am...  why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!

I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?

I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!

(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)

In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):

Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...

I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)

(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)

[ibraddersday-blog]

20 years so far.

Hi, my name is Bradley Day. Never received a middle name, guess my parents were too lazy. It is currently 12:53pm as I write this on Friday 16th August of 2019, and to be honest I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm about to explain what I have experienced over the past 20 years frankly because, I know 2 people my age who are like me, the rest are so uptight about who they think they are on their online personas and social media reputations. so I want to find more like me.

in this post im giving you real, the embarrassing, humiliating, funny but stupid truth about my life. seems like thats the only thing that you can't really find anymore... honesty. 

I was born in basildon hospital in Essex on the 10th of November 1998, my mother is Heidi Day, my father being James Day (actual name is Jimmy but we stick to James) I have a older sister called Rebecca Day. apparently I was born with a skin condition were I didn't get enough vitamins which means I was born yellow, a little English asian baby as you will. had to be sat next to a window to get natural vitamins from the sun. but that was all cleared up as a baby and I dont remember it so not important. 

as far as I remember we were a happy family, I was a little shit for my parents but hey I didn't ask to be born. I've never said this but im very thankful for my parents, as a family we went through a few hardships and money never came easy, and no matter what my mum and dad always went out to work and make an honest living to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, people say thats a luxury and may berate us saying thats not hard, but the hard truth is, if you had to worry about where your next meal came from as a kid, your parents didn't work hard enough, and ill be dammed if I let my kids starve a day just because I go lazy for a day.

but out of this happy hardworking family it all changed when I was 4-5, my mum and dad divorced, my dad left and it was me, mum and becky in one house, my dad always tried his best to make it work for him and us. we got by it was just a couple who fell out of love, it's always bummed me out but thats life, move on. 

Thats when I met Lindsey who is now a second mother to me, I made her life hell for a lot of years and so did my sister, Linds if you ever read this im sorry, im sorry for never being the kid you wanted because you couldn't have children and wanted to take on me and becky so you could feel loved as a mother, im sorry I tested your patience every chance I got, im sorry you felt you had to buy me a brand to xbox when the disk tray on mine broke (but thank you cose it was an awesome thing to do) but for most of all, im sorry for never having the guts to admit to you in person how much you really mean to me or impacted my life, you gave me chance after chance at your work and im sorry for letting you down. now for what im thankful for. thank you for kicking me up the ass to do my homework, thank you for putting plasters all over me when I've hurt myself doing something else stupid, thank you for coming with me to the hospital when I got run over just down the road and following matt down countless alleys, thank you for letting my friends come over whenever they wanted as a place to hang out and chill and chat, thank you for not telling mum that there was a grinder in my room when I went back to living at mums, but for most of all, thank you being full of advice, thank you for the honesty you poses wether it hurt or not you were always honest with me, I hope one day I can repay you for all the things you have done for me over the 15\16 years of knowing you, I love you very much. 

school... ugh, primary okay, secondary Jesus Christ what a shit show, now im not stupid but im not smart, education is not my path Im a natural worker and always have been, don’t do suits and smiles I do hi viz clothing and “oh fuck you slag’ spent the better part of it arguing with teachers and trying to be someone im not just to fit in. I had my fair share of bullying but you take it like a man and thats it but back then I thought my world had been crushed, ridiculous I know, kids if you’re being bullied now it may not seem it but it really dont fucking matter, its school thats how it is if you dont like learn from home. now I got pretty bad at one point and made a video and put it online, about how im being bullied and how pissed and upset it Made me and so on, well the school found out and I was forced to remove it, should of just told them too fuck off but it was just hassle that I couldn't be arsed with. year 11 soon flies around and boom left with nothing... great, now college level 1 sport how fucking normal right. well sussed level 1 dropped level 2. 

now work. for the next 2 years I dosed about and went through 8 jobs... yes thats right fucking eight until one came by and that is TGIS at lakeside retail park, now it was a shit job but it taught me a lot, it taught me team work, pace, the importance of showing up for shifts, how vital I am as a cog in that machine,   it taught me how punctuality means everything, I mean I got employee of the month in my first month working there for god sake I pushed hard and getting a reward like that it really hit home, as I never really got anything like that before, I got home and cried in bed as I was so happy for that for once in my life someones recognised me for me and how hard I work, it still gets to me writing this, it means a lot to someone like me. I've since left there for a better job and found one at a container shipping company driving cranes, and I gotta say I think this Is the place I’ll make a career out of, its great pay, get great hours and there are some great guys there who I've grown to become friends with. after countless let downs in my life I’m happy to say I've found somewhere I belong and love. the people I wanna say thank you for are Lex A and Jack R, I love you boys you really pulled me through at TGIS, even though we argued a lot I still value you two a lot. 

now for my life outside of work. I have a few friends being Michael, jack, James and josh. these are the people who are like me, hard working and are making a name for themselves with the help of no-one else. we have all faced great hardships in life and really push to get what we want. but with my friends that want is wanting to get a shitty old RWD and drift it into walls for a laugh, it is pretty funny to be honest. honestly I can say these boys are like family to me they mean more to me than they know and id be there for them in a second if they need me. jack is my longest friend though, we've been friends for 15 years, we met in year 1 in primary school and never stopped since, I would go Into details but its now 1:30am and im tired. 

relationships... I can't do them. dont get me wrong I love the idea of them and would love to be in one but I simply can't do it, I can't deal with other peoples shit as well as my own as I've always dealt with mine on my own not needing someone else, and girls are weird about that shit, all emotional and shit, grow up and move on life is tough if you dont like it theres many ways out, I dont do sorrow or sympathy. but marriage scares me, it freaks me out im not even kidding, the idea of being forced by law to be in a relationship with someone and if the love dies they can take all your shit fucking scares me! who wouldn't be frightened by that! maybe one day ill get over it and take a leap of faith with someone I love but why knows ay. 

and for now right this very second. im happy with who I am, I have nice car, a good job, im single but happily, its easier and less stressful, the key to happiness is a stress free life after all. yeah I may be bit tubby and not in great shape, but im happy with myself and who I see in the mirror, because I know im going to be okay, ill work through my problems that happen in my life, and in the end ill know ill always be okay. 

to whoever is reading this. just know life is easy, the key to happiness is being okay with who you are. yeah theres always improvements that could be made, but if you got a roof over your head, working water and food on the table, you’re doing pretty good in life. just picture life as an English country lane, for the most part its gonna be rocky and bumpy with loads of big potholes but theres always the parts where the road is smooth and freshly done, just gotta keep hanging on to those moments before your turning is up on to the straight and narrow bud, keep pushing and working hard boys and girls, like I was always told “stop being a pussy and get what you want” 

probably be my only ever post here so yeah, maybe someone will read it, who knows!

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

"Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

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Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

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I'm trying to find a health insurance plan made for someone like me- 26, male, non-smoker,non-drinker, currently at ideal weight, regularly exercises, no health conditions, no prescriptions, etc. I mostly want something that'll cover check-ups with maybe a small co-pay, and then has a high deductable for a broken bone/ sports injury etc. Everything available at my job seems to cater to the chronically ill/ older/ heavy prescription user. private plans are to much per month. This is why I decline medical benefits, year after year! I know any of these plans would be helpful in the case of serious injury- just in case. But none seems to offer any tangible benefits like, I don't know, 2 doctor visits a year? Every plan requires that I exhaust my deductable first- I'll never spend 250-1000 a year for doctors visits! I'm guessing, based on cost that a high deductable plan is best for my broken bone scenario- but how can then screw me out of seeing a doctor just to get a check up?""

Are you supposed to have car insurance at 15?

i just thought of this just now and i remember having to pay for auto insurance at 15 just for a school permit for school and back and i hear some people dont have insurance was i right to pay for it or was i tricked because he says you have to be 16 and said he'll accidentally put that i am and say it was a mistake to the company, i think this is a trick but idk and again others dont pay for insurance but were they just too cheap to do it and risk the consinquence? or did i get tricked back then by my insurer""

Car Insurance for G35 Coupe 2003-2007?

I called triple A and they told it would be 2,700 dollars for a G37 Coupe for a 16 year old boy in a family plan, but how about a G35 Coupe? They are much older, so I assume that the insurance would be much lower? An estimate anyone? I Live in Northern California""

""What are the cheapest companies to insure me as a 2nd driver on a 1.2 punto (MALE, 19, UK)?

I'm a 19 year old male living in the UK in Birmingham! I passed around a 2 months ago! The cheapest quote I found was 1600 on a comparison site but it's too expensive! Is it worth getting a tracking device and alarm and stuff fitted? How else could I lower my insurance?? Could you recommend any other cars I could get instead of a punto? (no higher than insurance group 5 and no more than 3000) THANKS! =]

Where can I find Health insurance providers?

I am looking to buy a temporary health insurance. I am a student and need this health insurance for only 3 months. Do you know any reliable, health insurance providers that could help me with this? If you could please provide a website or a phone I would really appreciate it! Thank You""

How insurance coverage work for new a car ?

Hi, I intend to buy a car by the end of this month on the weekend (I work from Monday to Friday and do not want to skip working). I will use my old car for trade-in. And I will switch my current insurance on to the new car. Since it all will be happening on the weekend (my insurance office closed), I will have to switch the insurance on Monday. If something happen to the new car before the insurance switched (sometime before Monday), who will cover the car ? Any advice ? Thank you...""

What do you think it would cost for a 2001 cavalier coupe monthly for car insurance?

I just need an estimate, thanks. I don't know where to look...""

How much would my car insurance be?i'm 18 in los angeles..?

i'm getting a 2003 nissan sentra with 92,000 miles...i was just wondering around how much would my car insurance be..? and if I put it on my dad's name and i'm a co driver?""

Whats the best Health Insurance for Canada?

I'm going to Canada on holiday, and need to have some health insurance. Could anyone please tell me where I can get this from? Also, what the best health insurance consists of? Thanks!""

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

How much is average car insurance 4 a 17/18 year old?

How much is average car insurance 4 a 17/18 year old?

How do I get cheap car insurance?

New driver at 21

Can someone add me to their car insurance policy without me knowing?

my husband, kids and I live in a split house with my in-laws and their car insurance policy was going to add us to their policy without us even knowing. is that illegal. my aunt works for state farm and she's never heard of it in her 25 yrs of working for them. i own my own car insurance through state farm and i don't need two.""

""Spouse suspended license, live together, can I get auto insurance?""

Actually, it is my son in law who has a suspended license. My Daughter's policy was canceled and she wants to start a new policy, but she says that no insurance company will touch her because she lives with someone with a suspended license. Is this for real? Sound like a bunch of hog-wash to me. She lives in Massachusetts.""

Motorcycle insurance question?

Hey, so im 19 and live in ontario. I want to get insurance for my bike but its hella expensive. Could i 'sell' the bike to my uncle (DOES NOT LIVE WITH ME), he insures it and becomes primary rider and puts me as secondary? He has his own bike so he will have 2 bikes under his name, and ill be secondary for 1 will it work?""

Car insurance........................ car insurance have agreed to?

pay for my car after it was stolen and written off. they agreed to pay 200 pounds which is well more than i paid for it.so it looked like a good deal, however, 100 is the excess which i thought left me with 100..NOT the case,,they have taken the other 100 to pay for the years insurance which i wont use as i dont have a car...plus when i complained..they advised me to drop the claim and i dont get anything nor do i owe anything except the fee from the recovery collection which is 150. is this extortionate or what ??are they allowed to do this..i still owe them 20 pounds for the o/s amount for the years insurance as i insisted they do make it as a claim..and they wont take it as 2 seperate d/d payments either as i dont now have a car..HOW CRAP IS THAT ??? what can i do to get my money back""

How much does health insurance cost for just a baby?

Im on my grandpas insurance until the summer of next year and Im due in Feb. I just recently found out that the insurance will cover the birth but not the baby...idk what to do. I ...show more

Can my finance company take my car if I don't get full coverage auto insurance?

I just bought a car and got only the legal minimum insurance which is liability. My finance company is threating to take my car if I don't get full coverage. I don't have full coverage because it's too expensive. They want me to get full coverage because it helps protect them. Can they take my car if I don't get full coverage?

Car insurance. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

I pay $177 for just liability with progressive through my mom. I need a cheaper insurance so I wanna switch. I've never dealt with this before so do I get one agent or do I have to get agents from each insurance company to find out which company would be cheapest?

Insurance on a 95 camaro?

Im considering buying a pre-owned 1995 camaro for my first car. How do I find out how much the yearly insurance would be? Its not a convertible, and also its through allstate in new york. Would it be more than a 1998 maxima?""

Does this car legally have insurance?

My friend just purchased a new car and the temporary registration Is in her name but the car is insured under her moms policy without her listed as an additional driver. So if she is stopped by police will they coincided this car insured or uninsured? Also when it's time for her permanent registration will the state accept a proof of insurance on the car without her name on it? We live in Georgia by the way.

What is the best Insurance company for car quotes ??? (Cheapest)?

Im looking for a cheap reliable insurance company i can get a qoute for a 2003 Vauxhall Corsa 1.2

So is the car insured or the person? can i deliver pizzas on someone elses insurance/car ?

hi i have been given a good opportunity to start working and a great friend willing to lend me their vechicle to deliver pizzas, reall good friend. the car is insured and i live with friend if that makes a difference anyone know for sure ? Do we got to let the insurance company know or what ??""

Do I have to add my spouse to my car insurance even though we don't live together?

I am on my parents car insurance stuff, and I was getting ready to get married, but we don't live together-so does he have to get added on the policy too?""

Can someone name some cheap car insurance agencies for teens?

Can someone name some cheap car insurance agencies for teens?

""NJ auto insurance (NJCURE), anyone ever have any problems with them?""

The new insurance offered to NJ (because our rates are the highest in the nation), anyone ever use them or have any problems with them? Any advice I would appreciate.""

Is my insurance company liable?

My insurance company offered me a policy to cover a de restricted scooter which I agreed to take out, but in order for this policy to take effect I had to give up 4 months of cover totalling around 160 and pay a 80 deposit on the new policy. Last week I was sent a letter notifying me that my insurance was cancelled so I called them and was told that I had to return a copy of my CBT certificate. I rang on Sunday and was told a completely different story and that was that the company they placed me with had decided that they were not going to cover me even though the whole point of changing them was because they specificity dealt with my type of vehicle . They have now offered another policy for 515 pounds with is 100 pounds more than my previous and I am not willing to pay this as they lied to me and told me that I was insured to ride around even though they knew that I was not covered. I have copies of the insurance certificate to prove that they sold me the policy and all other relating documents. Please advise on what I can do.""

What's the best CAR Insurance?

i'm trying to save myself some money. if you know just tell me which car insurance is the best and cheapest.

Health Insurance & Prescriptions?

When my doctor writes me a prescription and I fill it up.... does it show up on my health insurance what precriptions I'm taking?

Will my insurance go up a lot?

I got into a fender bender in the parking lot at the mall yesterday I reverse parked and i was pulling out and I couldn't really see because a huge hummer was parked next to me I drove up a little bit to see, and a big van that was driving fast just hit me I don't exactly know whose fault it was, but I'm only 16 and I got my license a week ago And I drive a 2012 Honda civic Will my insurance go up a lot? I didn't get a ticket but I have a huge dent that's the size of a basketball on the front corner of my car And my hood is bent a little""

Insurance Costs for a P Plate Hyundai Tiburon?

I live in Melbourne and want to get an idea on the insurance? (I already know its a lot) Thanks

How can I lower my car insurance rates?

I'm 17, and got a car a little over a month ago. My car insurance (with Gieco) is $250 a month. My mom's is $100. I'm on her plan, or something. I never took drivers ed (and with two jobs, school full time, and online classes, I most likely never will). I do have all A's though, does anywhere give a discount for that? I've got no tickets or accidents. Please help me find something cheaper!""

Car insurance help please ?

hi i know if you want alloys on your car you have to let your insurance know and they will charge you more but im after a vauxhall corsa sxi and they come with alloys as standard so should i mention i got alloys or will the quote already include that...... thanks.

Car insurance question?

i was just wondering, i know that having a two door car cost more for insurance,but how much more on average is it. im 16 and i wanna buy my friends 03 hyundai tiburon. how much more do u think insurance will be considering its 2 door""

California Traffic School Twice Within 18 months?

Can I do traffic school twice in California within 18 months? From what I think I understand the first citation is kept confidential. The second within 18 months is not. Can my insurance company raise my rates even though I did happen to take traffic school even though it was twice within 18 months. Will my insurance rise, if so how much?""

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

Life insurance?

Is there a certain amount of time you have to cash in a life insurance policy?

Is there a age limit to qualify to get car insurance in California?

I am 17 1/2 years old, and I just saved up enough money to buy my own car. Can I insure the car by myself??""

How much will my insurance go uop?

i was in an accident not to long ago. My car was totaled and my insuranced paid it off ($13,000) it wasnt my fault but im 20 and ive been driving for 3 years but recently got my license last year. i was already paying 250 a month, how much more will i have to pay?? my car was an 05 altima. now its a case of he ran a red light, versus she ran a red light""

How much does insurance pay on total loss if owner owes more than its worth?

If a car is worth appoximately 30,000 and the owner owes 40,000 what will the insurance company pay the owner? I hope it is 30,000....""

I need help health insurance help???

ok so i went to the doctor and found out i was pregnant. i live in california and have no health insurance. they gave me temperary medi cal for 30 days and i have to go apply at the cal works office. well i went and they told me i couldnt apply on my own im 19 that since i live with my mom she has to go in. she works alot though and its kinda harg for her to go. so is there any other way i can do it like online and mail in an application?? or do u guys know of any insurance i can get on my own??? please help??

What 600cc Sports Bike is cheapest to Insurance?

Cheapest i got some far is 750 on a honda CBR 600 im looking at not spending more then 500 on insurance

Do I really have to disclose everything for a life insurance quote?

My wife has a family history of cancer which is causing my life insurance quote to change from $100 a month to $300. Do I really need to disclose this info to the companies, or should I not tell them as they would need permission anyway to check history and doctors records???""

Does any1 know what the cheapest insurance is for someone aged 17-19?

Does any1 know what the cheapest insurance is for someone aged 17-19?

Do any car insurance companies do insurance for one month?

Hi So I only want car insurance for one month cause I want to use my car for work purposes (usually it's off road). I have 5 years no claims but for some reason companies are charging like 250 for the month when it'd usually only cost me 700 for the year!? Does anyone recommend any companies that don't charge as much? Thanks in advance

What is the minimum requirements for insurance for a financed vehicle?

I know full coverage is required, but what determines if its full or not? anybody have a breakdown of each of the coverages etc?""

What is the best insurance to have?

im just wondering which is the best car insurance to have and why? also, what is a quote? dont judge pls and thank you""

Is it necessary to buy rental car insurance even though i have my car insurance policy with me?

i have a car and have taken...if i take a rental car , then my auto insurance...""

How much do you pay per year for home owners insurance?

i am buying property in northern virginia and just want a general idea of the price. its fine if you dont live around here, or own a single family instead of a townhouse. its whatever, i just have no clue what even a reasonable amount to be charged is btw, sorry if this is a repost but when i post in the business-insurance section all i get are spam links for responses""

How come I can't medical or insurance ???!?

Hello I'm a 20 year old and I live on my own. I use to have medical Owen I was under 18 && lived with. Y moon but now I'm 20&& live on my own. I tried applying for medical and I got denied because I make like 100 more than the limit. Where can I can I apply for a low healthy plan . I do live on my own and have bills to may. It I wanna be healthy. Someone please help no d mb answes (you don't look cool) I live in California San Diego.

""I'm looking for car insurance, is the General a good car insurance? Are they reliable?""

I have 21st century and my premium is high, so I looked into the General and they're only charging me half of what I'm used to, but in case of an accident, do they really back you up. I have heard of some crooked companies, would this be one among them.""

What is the cheapest car to insure for a 17-19 year old guy from the UK in 2013?

I'm 16 and will be taking my test next year and I want to know what to get for my first car?

Auto insurance is expensive for my teenager son. Are there any options for me to keep expenses down?

I'm makeing payments on truck for him, now that he can drive, do I have to add him to my insurance? And how much more will it be? I hear some parents don't tell there insurance, they just say there child is borrowing the car. But my son does not live in the same house hold , but is in another city over. Can I still just say he is borrowing the truck. If he gets in a car accident I understand it's on me, but will my insurancecand the law see it in that manner.""

Whats the best insurance company for a young driver?

just passed my driving test and was wondering what the cheapest insurance company for young drivers is?

Affordable car insurance quote?

Please can any one tell me where i can find info on affordable car insurance quote

Life Insurance :?

can i stop paying my premium and get back the amount i paid for? . I took insurance for 15 yr. Already 2 years over. Is ther any option to get the invested money back?

Car insurance - if 2 people are going to drive the car are 2 seperate insurance policies required?

My roommate is looking into getting a car and wants to give me access to driving it. Do we need to get 2 seperate insurance policies to drive the car. How does insurance on a car work?

Lowest insurance rates?

Hi!!! I would like your opinions on the lowest car insurance rates. I am currently with an insurance company that has not lowered my rate and I have been accident free for more than 5 years. So I am going to switch carriers and wanted to hear your opinions on where I should try.. Thanks in advance

Can I apply for California Unemployment Insurance?

i was working two jobs, and part time permanent position, and a full time temp position. i was layed off of my part time permanent position. i am still working full time at my temp postition, but at times i don't work that position for a couple weeks at a time. can i apply for edd now so when i have those weeks off i can claim edd. or do i need to wait until i have those weeks off and then claim i was layed off from my permanent job?""

Looking For New Car Insurance Company. HELP!!?

I need something with the fewest complaints yet the cheapest rates. For two cars and only half coverage we are paying over 200...

How much does car insurance cost for a male mid 20s in Boston?

Ill be moving there in a few weeks and need to get insured. I was wondering how much I can expect to pay every year to be insured fairly well. Thanks

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

Lowell Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 45744

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/small-business-insurance-quotes-canada-jayden-peterson/"

[veebcrry]

Pairing: Saeran x MC

Note: This story includes a CUSTOM MC who goes by the name of Sharon, you can find more information on her over here. If you are not fond of these types of stories, no problem! Just don’t leave any hate, okay? ^^

Rating: All ages

Words: 2355

Summary (PLEASE READ THIS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE STORY): This story was written to celebrate the one year relationship between our muses. On May 25th 2017 is when our muses first started dating in our initial Twitter verse. 

I based this piece on the 2ND BAD RELATIONSHIP ending which occurs in Ray’s route. For those who haven’t played it, Saeran gives MC some sort of medicine which makes her pass out before she wakes up again in Rika’s apartment without any memories. Therefore the game proceeds to ‘reset’. I wanted to explore what would happen if MC continued on with her life after being found, but eventually runs into Saeran again.

The story takes place FIVE YEARS after Ray’s route. I assumed the game continued on as it normally would but with a separate MC eventually being introduced who got into Seven’s route to trigger the secret endings. The Saeran in this story has been away from Mint Eye for three years and his design also follows the one of the secret endings. He recently moved away from his brother’s home to live on his own and works a part-time job in a small cafe in town.

Last but not least, I also intertwined this AU with one of our personal love child AUs. MC had been pregnant at the time of the ‘reset’ and gave birth to a daughter named Lily nine months after. Although Lily doesn’t make much appearance in this story except from being mentioned, it’s still important to know this.

--> The story is written in 3rd person but focuses mainly on my custom MC since it’s easiest for me to write it that way. Saeran’s dialogue will be portrayed in BOLD to avoid confusion.

- Admin Strawberry

ACT 1: THE ENCOUNTER

The moment he wrapped one arm around her smaller frame, she felt as if something inside of her was stirred awake. His voice, his scent, his warmth which she could vaguely make out the moment their bodies touchedー All of her senses were being assaulted by things which seemed so familiar and somehow bittersweet.

She slowly lifted one hand, placing it on top of her chest, her fingertips trembling ever so slightly.

Ba-dum ba-dum.

Why was her heart racing? Was she still shaken up by what had happened earlier? The drunk man who tried to hit on her had long disappeared out of their sight. Now it was just the two of them, surrounded by silence. She should have probably thanked him by now, but the act of gratitude got pushed aside by the million other thoughts rushing through her head.

Hazel hues peered upwards as she lifted her head, trying to get a glance at his face. Searching for some clues which might help her remember. Her memories had always been foggy, she remembered bits and pieces of her past but other parts were completely blank. Could he be the key to unlocking those memories?

The suddenly lack of contact pulled her back to reality, footsteps echoing through the alleyway as he distanced himself, most of his expression hidden behind a layer of messy, crimson red bangs.

ー "Don't walk alone at night from now on...You won't always get so lucky."

Sharon wasn't sure if he was looking out for her, or if she was being scolded. Either way was fine, as long as she could hear that voice which made her heart soar. As she stood there - completely - she almost failed to notice him walking away, only just in time reaching out to grab hold of the edge of his sleeve.

He turned around, looking at her with an almost expressionless face, just the tiniest hint of confusion mixed in.

"Ah..."

"Do you still need something?"

She shook her head, only now realizing her own actions before letting go of the fabric. What was she doing? He is a stranger. She's making herself look like a creep.

"No...I just wanted to say thank you. For saving me."

Then they parted ways.

Sharon distinctively remembered coming home afterwards and crawling straight into bed. That night, she saw a certain dream again but this time, things seemed just a little clearer. As they stood in the garden surrounded by blooming roses, the blurred figure embraced her and for the first time in years, she woke up with a smile on her face.

ACT 2: THE INTRODUCTION

A few months had passed since and life regained its usual flow. Between raising a five year old and juggling between several jobs, there wasn't much free time left for the young female. During the day, her parents and older brother would take turns looking after Lily before she came and pick her up after work. Soon enough the little girl would start primary school as well, which would lift some pressure off her family's shoulders.

Today was one of those days where she got out of work early so she decided to drop by a small cafe in town to pick up a box of her daughter's favorite pancakes. Let's say it's her way of apologizing for not being able to spend more time together. Even though she had the child completely unexpectedly, Lily was more important to her than anything.. Even after finding out she was deaf, she would do absolutely everything to make the girl's life as comfortable as possible.

"I hope she'll like these...They're not homemade but she has a sweet tooth just like her mommy."

“One set of artisanal pancakes. That will be 8500 won, please."

"Ah! Yes...!"

She hurriedly got out her wallet, exchanging glances with the employee behind the counter for just a split second. However, that was all she needed to freeze into place, nearly dropping her money onto the floor. It might be rude to stare, but the longer she looked, the harder it became to avert her gaze. She could become lost in those bright, minty green hues.

"You are...You're the person who saved me then! Do you work here?"

His expression seemed troubled for just a second before going back to its usual stoic demeanor.

"Excuse me, but that will be 8500 Won. There's other customers waiting."

As much as she would like to continue chatting, it would  be selfish of her to demand his attention now. What if he got into trouble because of her, She had worked at a similar type of place before and knew very well how ruthless some managers could be.

"Right! My daughter really likes this place's pancakes, so I come here quite often. I'm sure we'll see each other again some time! ...My name's Sharon, by the way! Nice to meet you."

The brunette handed him the money, watching his hands disappear behind the register for a while before returning her change alongside a small plastic bag with the box of baked goods.

When she returned to her parents home that evening, Lily was overjoyed by the treat, gobbling up the pancakes as if it was nothing. She surely got that trait from her mother. The girl was already in bed, snoozing away when Sharon was cleaning up the table, grabbing the now empty plastic bag to throw it away when she noticed a small slip of paper fall out onto the floor.

"Hm? The receipt?"

She swiftly picked it up, shocked to find out that there were a few words scribbled underneath the list of items, her heart skipping a beat.

< My name's Ray. Likewise. >

ACT 3: THE REUNION

They met up several times afterwards, always in the cafe. Sharon began to look forward to ending her shift early, using the fact she wanted to buy pancakes for Lily as an excuse to go see "Ray". While their conversations were never long, she still found great joy in being able to talk to him. She discovered that he's two years older than her, recently moved into a place of his own and has a soft spot for ice cream. ー She has yet to ask him what his favorite flavor is.

Even her parents seemed to have picked up on her change in attitude. Just the other day, her mother noted how she seems much more cheerful again lately. While the brunette had always been a positive thinker, things did change just a little ever since the incident five years ago. Disappearing for a few days, only to be found with her memories lost really does change a person. However, she had Lily just a few months after and perhaps forced herself to stay happy for the child's sake.

Yet, now was different. This wasn't a fabricated smile no more.

---

"Oh? You're on break right now? That's unusual~"

Sharon halted in her steps, standing right by the entrance of the coffee shop. It was usually rather busy around this hour, which only gives her even less opportunity to hold a longer conversation. You can imagine she was pleasantly surprised to spot the male right by the door, staring upwards at the sky. "Ah! Come to think of it...There's actually something I've wanted to ask you for a while, but I never got the chance to."

Without wasting any time, she dug on hand inside her purse before pulling out her cellphone. "Would it be okay to exchange numbers? I feel bad for always bothering you at work so I thought maybe we could...Meet up one one of your off days. ー Or even just text at first! That's okay as well!"

A soft pink dust appeared on her cheeks as she awaited his response, noticing how he seemed to be staring at the now lit up screen of her phone which displayed a picture of herself and Lily, smiling brightly while holding up two cones of strawberry ice cream. "...She's five years old right now. I can't believe she's going to be a first grader soon. Time really flies by."

"What's her name?"

The male had never shown much interest in her life before, with most of the questions coming from her side, so she was a little bit caught off guard by his question.

"Her name's Lily!"

"...That's a pretty name."

"Right? She's actually named after a flower. Lily-of-the-valley...Do you know them? They're those cute, small white flowers. Those flowers are special to me, that's why I chose that name."

For the first time ever since she met "Ray", she saw his eyes lit up, his face much more expressive than before. "Curious~? There's this person...I don't remember their name or face, but I do remember they were infatuated by flowers. Did you know that each flower has its own meaning? They're the one who taught me that the flower language of the Lily-of-the-valley isー"

"ー Promise of happiness."

"Eh? Ah...So you know already..."

It was at that exact moment that all pieces fell into place, her petite frame tensing up as she raised one hand towards her forehead. No matter how hard she tried in the past, those memories remained a blur. Yet right now, she felt as if something was coming back to her.

---

"ー How come you're always sitting by yourself, staring at the flowers? Don't you get bored?"

A young girl of maybe twelve or thirteen years old crouched down next to a boy of her age, perhaps a little older. They were surrounded by tall grass, a few stray flowers blooming here and there. In the background there was a large building with a cross placed on the roof. A church? ー No, it seemed more like a school, several other students playing outside in the front court.

**"I...I like watching them. The flowers are like my friends."**

"Hm..."

What a weirdo, is surely what she must have thought at that moment.

**"Did you know? Each flower has its own meaning. Hibiscus stands for delicate beauty, Primrose means young love and the Daffodil symbolizes self-love. But my favorite has to be this one...The Lily-of-the-valley."**

"What does it mean then?"

**"Promise of happiness. It gives me hope for the future. That maybe someday...Even someone like me can become happy."**

At that moment, the boy expression softened but at the same time, she couldn't help but feel pity towards him. Wouldn't it be better to try and become happy now rather than leaving that up to fate?

"Hey! Why don't you become friends with me? It's a little lonely to have just the flowers, right? If we become friends, you'll have someone to talk to about thisー Uhm...Flower language stuff!"

**"Friends? I can?"**

"Of course you can! My name's Sharon, by the way! Nice to meet you!"

She held out her hand, lips curving upwards into a bright smile as she waited for him to grab hold of it.

"Sharon... My name's Saeran. Likewise."

She remembered now. That very day.

The bright blue sky.

The freshly bloomed, snow white Lily-of-the-valley.

And the boy with crimson red hair.

---

As the memories flooded back to her, she only vaguely registered him saying 'I have to get back to work now', her head jerking to the side as she heard the familiar chime of the entrance bell.

No!

Don't go!

"...Saeran!"

His shoulders visibly twitched, before the male remained still, petrified to the spot. She didn't step forward just yet either, her breathing slightly ragged as tears brimmed in the corners of her eyes. She instinctively called out for him, but what was she supposed to say next? *She* had forgotten about him. Everything. Their past at the cathedral school, their reunion a few years later, the time they spent together at Mint Eye and even the love they once shared.

"I...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

"You..."

"Huh?"

"I figured you would be happier without me. I hurt you...I hurt you very deeply. I did all those horrible things. I couldn't even control my own demons. Yet, you never stopped caring for me, trying to bring out the good side I refused to see myself. That's why I thoughtー I wasn't worthy of you. If you were to be somewhere far out of my reach, you would finally be happy."

"Why would you...?"

"But even that didn't work. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see you. Then when you were getting hit on by that guy, I kind of acted on instinct. I thought it would be okay just once. Not knowing that next up, *you* would be coming after me. You're quite persistent, do you know that?"

The redhead finally turned out to face her, smiling awkwardly as he fought back the tears. "It's like fate is laughing me in the face..."

"You're right...I am persistent! I said this five years ago and I'll say it again...I love you! I love you! I love you! I'll say it ten times, a hundred times...Until my voice goes hoarse! Until I get through that thick skull of yours!"

"But I huー"

"You think I've never been hurt before? You don't have to treat me like a fragile doll. Even if I get hurt...I'll get up again. Heh. Don't underestimate a single mom, you know. I can take a hit or two."

She finally lunged forward, wrapping both arms around his shoulders before pulling him close. "You don't have to be perfect. I can see you've made great progress. Truly loving someone means that you'll accept them as a whole, even their flaws." A choked sob came in response as she slowly closed her eyes, her fingers idly running through his curly locks.

They still had a long way to go, that's for sure.

However, both of them were certain things would be okay.

Just as the Lily-of-the-valley predicted on the day of their meeting, someday they would surely find happiness.