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crushribbons · 2 months ago

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𝖇𝖎𝖗𝖉𝖎𝖊, 𝖕𝖙. 𝖛

summary: Sebastian Sallow should have been a Ravenclaw. (series masterlist)

cw: 6.7k words, career-and-life-choices-related angst, SMUT (18+ ONLY), unprotected af sex, fingering, oral (m. receiving), questionable behavior if he doesn't have a breeding kink, not the ending you deserve but the ending you're gonna get, fem!oc/reader. requests open.

a/n: i'm so blown away by the love for this series. thank you for all the support and kindness you've shown!! unfortunately for everyone, i suck at endings :/ xx laney

“Come on, Seb! If we get there early, we might see the Bloody Baron run Peeves through with his sword again!” the sixth-year trotting past him called over his shoulder as he joined the throng queuing at the Slytherin common room door. Sebastian laughed and waved him on, promising to be down in a minute. Wish I could remember that kid’s name. Oh, well, no sense learning it now.

Not now, on the night of his final Hogwarts end-of-year feast. When he’d first arrived at Hogwarts, he hadn’t been any taller than the runt who was currently getting trampled through the door by the gargantuan Gerald Gillooly. He turned his head away from them and caught sight of himself in the aged and spotty floor-length mirror that was at the top of the staircase he stood on. He was surprised not to see that runty little first-year who’d quietly begged his sister to hold his hand while they watched their peers get sorted by a smelly old hat. He had cleared six feet over a year ago without stopping, and the man who blinked back at him looked older and more haggard than he felt. Perhaps that came with the territory when you’d done what he’d done.

This thought made him pause, one foot in mid-air ready to step down the stairs and join his classmates. What if he was aging more rapidly because of what he’d done to his uncle? Could the guilt he was carrying around, though he had thought it absolved, be etching itself into the lines on his forehead and the corner of his eyes? Would Anne have had something to say about the dark circles under his eyes? His shoulders sagged a little at the thought, although a sad smile tugged at his lips when he noticed how broad they had gotten. His Slytherin robes were beginning to pull at the ankles and wrists, but Sebastian never could justify a flighty purchase like robe tailoring when there was so little time left to wear them.

So little time. Months left at Hogwarts had dwindled down to a few weeks, and his counseling meeting the previous Monday with his head of house had solidified the warbling jelly of nerves in his gut.

“So, Mr. Sallow.” Professor Ronen had leaned across his desk, gloved hands crossed beneath his chin. “The purpose of this meeting is to discuss your ambitions outside of your Hogwarts education, as your graduation date is nearing. And, as we belong to the noble house of Salazar Slytherin, ambition is everything. Now, what age are you?”

“Nineteen next month, sir.”

“Excellent.” The Charms professor scribbled on the roll of parchment in front of him. “And what were your highest N.E.W.T. results?”

“Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts, sir.”

Ronen was ecstatic. “Ah!” He rubbed his hands together and looked at Sebastian with a special glint in his dark eyes. “And what career do you plan to pursue with such skills?”

Uh…

Truth be told, Sebastian had never been able to visualize a career that appealed to him. Lack of ambition, never. But lack of clarity for that ambition? Absolutely. He asked too many questions, over-thought each decision when it had come time to write owls to the Ministry and inquire about job postings. It had paralyzed him to this point, worry about choosing incorrectly and being stuck with a profession he detested gnawing at him from morning ‘till evening.

Then, as always, she’d been there. Curled up at his feet and happily plotting the layout of her desk in the Department of Mysteries. And maybe whatever the future held wasn’t that nerve-wracking.

“You don’t even know if you’ll have a desk,” Seb had murmured on a rainy night in the Undercroft after his meeting with Ronen, running his hand through her hair while she doodled on the back of an old History of Magic essay and Ominis softly dictated a letter on the other side of the fireplace. She had looked up at him with those great big eyes and laughed.

“Good point. But come on, wouldn’t the Department of Mysteries be perfect for my little Ravenclaw drop-out? It’s all questions, all day.”

“You could stand working with me all day, every day?”

“Another good point.” She twisted her face up and stuck her tongue out at him. I love you. Say it, tell her, tell her now!

Time was definitely running short, for more than landing a career.

The rest of April, after they’d done something resembling kissing outside the Three Broomsticks, had been…stiff. Tense. They both still refused to acknowledge their rampant attraction to one another, and Sebastian didn’t know how much longer he could take this. To make matters worse, Ominis kept being very pragmatic about the whole situation.

“Is it a good idea to be with a woman who is as equally stubborn as yourself?” he had asked Seb after being debriefed on the events of that fateful evening in Hogsmeade. Sebastian had rolled his eyes.

“Rolling my eyes,” he narrated absently, and Ominis sighed.

“Sure, don’t listen to me, an objective outsider and the only one in this whole situation who isn’t acting based on pure, insane passion. What could I know?”

“She’s not stubborn about everything,” Sebastian let slip with a grin, the image of her legs locking around his hips and the sound of her moans filling every available inch of space in his brain. He realized his mistake when Ominis’ eyebrows dropped and tried to recover. “We get along fine. It’s just this one, stupid thing.”

“If you care for her so much, why won’t you just end this and ask her to dinner?” Ominis inquired. Damn that logic of his.

“Well, because,” Sebastian dead-panned. “Then I won’t have won.”

“I hope she curses you when you finally break down.”

And now it was the final night of the school year, of all his school years, and Sebastian found himself clutching his heart through a low-burning panic attack as he made his way to the common room entrance. His legs were on autopilot as he climbed through it and trailed a few meters behind the rest of his chattering and excited schoolmates. Each of his fingers sported a vicious hangnail by the time he entered the Great Hall, hardly paying attention to the enchanted galaxies and shooting stars streaking across its deep indigo ceiling.

Why hadn’t he given his post-educational plans more consideration before now? The thought had produced so much anxiety within him that he’d been quite content to put a stopper in it until now, but now the anxiety reared its head with a vengeance and snapped and coiled dangerously inside him.

Sebastian stopped at the end of the Slytherin table and glanced down its length. This was last night that he would be shoveling down its scrumptious food without a second thought; it seemed like a childish ingratitude now that he was facing the prospect of growing and catching all his sustenance over the summer, alone.

The only available seat was next to Ominis, whose hand was planted firmly on the bench next to him to reserve it. Sebastian stumbled over and dropped into it.

“Don’t sound so happy to be here,” Ominis muttered, passing the large plate of roast to his right and missing Grace Pinch-Smedley’s hands by a good distance. She smiled graciously at Sebastian and grasped the platter away from Ominis, who grunted in thanks. Despite the delightful-looking spread, Sebastian found himself unable to put anything on his plate.

“Psst.” Someone pinched the back of his elbow and he yanked it away on instinct, whipping around to catch the offender. She was sitting directly behind him at the table opposite, her back already facing him once more by the time he turned around. “Last night, birdie. Got a job picked yet?” she muttered over her shoulder, low enough so only he could hear as he strained his neck towards her.

His heart hammered. Why did she have to be the one to ask? “No, that blasted crystal ball only showed me winning the Quidditch World Cup in ten years, and I’ve no idea what that meant.”

“Oh, unknowable universe,” she sighed. Sebastian noticed that she had a black ribbon in her hair for the occasion. He slipped a finger into one of the loops and felt it.

“This is nice.”

“Well, there you go! I hear Gladrags is hiring right now.”

Sebastian scowled. “Stop, please,” he muttered, turning his body away from her and feeling a little bad about it at the same time. She twisted herself around and grabbed at his sleeve again.

“Hey, it was a joke! You’re going to be fine, Seb.” She set her fork down fully and flipped her legs over the other side of the bench so she could tickle his back. Sebastian buried the reluctant grin on his face in a long gulp of water.

There was so much mingling and getting up to yell over people among the four house tables that no one paid them any mind as she continued running her fingers, distracted, up and down his back. Since this whole mess had begun, there’d been entirely too many casual, unspoken touches that set his mind reeling while he tried to figure out just what this woman was to him and how she felt about it all. But he didn’t even have the bandwidth to feel the usual level of arousal that her touch always conjured. “Come on, birdie, look at me,” she said, and Sebastian heard the tone in her voice as it dropped an octave that meant she wanted the teasing to pause temporarily.

He turned to face her fully, and the look of pity (and, was that an ounce of longing he saw in those endless eyes?) carved into her mouth made him want to eat his robes.

“I know things have been…” She glanced around the Great Hall, apparently hoping to find the perfect words written across the walls in floating candles. “Strange. With us.” She was floundering, and pleading with Sebastian to understand what she meant, but he couldn’t find it within himself to help her. He just stared, impassive and paralyzed by all things he’d neglected in his stupid, selfish youth. “But, they don’t have to be.”

She sucked in a deep breath, then jerked her head in Ominis’ direction, where the Gaunt had been slyly turning his ear towards their conversation. “Bugger off,” she hissed at him, and he snorted.

“The first time you two have been interesting in months and now you don’t want to keep me apprised,” he grumbled. But he turned his attention back to his plate and to the very inventive discussion about what Professor Black got up to in the summer holidays. Sebastian waited, still staring blankly at her, for her to reboard her train of thought.

“Stop looking at me like I’ve got horns sprouting out of my forehead, first of all,” she began, and Sebastian blushed, dropping his eyes. “Look. What if I stayed at Feldcroft, just for the summer, and we worked on finding something you love to do for work, and get the cottage looking presentable. Then, you could sell it to that sweet, old couple down the road from you, the ones who wanted it for their daughter and her new husband. And you can move to London with Ominis and me, and we can just…figure it all out. In our own time.”

One of the few things Sebastian hated about himself was that when he was thinking of something to say, the rudest answer usually supplied itself first. “Wow, you’ve put a lot of thought into this.” “I’ve had to, because you haven’t!” she immediately spat back, poking him in the chest hard with her pointer finger. “I know it seems like a terrifying void out there–” She motioned outside the walls of the castle that still kept them safe and warm for one more night, “–but there’s so much time to do whatever you want–”

He cut her off, his hands fisting into his hair in frustration. “Whatever I want! I’ve no idea what I want!” he cried, accidentally jostling the student sitting on the other side of him with his long limbs as he rose to his feet.

“Where are you going?” she asked. She stood and followed him, weaving through the crowd of chatting kids. Part of him wanted her to, and the other part didn’t. Where he usually found solace from his anxiousness with her, tonight he found only more push to confront it. Her plan was good. No, it was wonderful; the thought of living with her for the first few months of their adult lives and having her to help him find his passion? It sounded like heaven on earth.

And apart from the appeal of her career counseling, sharing a living space with her might also provide some easy lubricant to the other plans he was working on. The plans that involved visiting her in her dreams again, for however long it took, in hopes of pushing her to the brink of sexual frustration and forcing her to confess her feelings to him. The book Legilimency and the Dreamer had been stuffed in his nightstand, collecting dust for the past few weeks while N.E.W.T. studying took up every spare waking and sleeping moment he had. But he had every intention of stealing it from the school (“It’s a dangerous book, really,” he had reasoned when the disapproving glare of Madam Pince appeared in his mind at the idea) and taking it with him when he left. It had been too easy, too good, too fucking wonderful poking around her subconscious that he longed to be back inside it. And her, as well.

He cut a sharp left turn away from the Slytherin table and past the distracted gazes of the professors, who were looking just as giddy, if not more, than their students that the summer holiday was imminent. He pounded up the staircase tucked at the back of the hall and hoped he wouldn’t hear any footsteps behind him. He just needed it to be quiet, just for a minute, so he could clear his head of everything and calm down.

When he reached the dust-covered storeroom at the top of the stairs, he let out a sigh. Then the candles on the unlit candelabra next to him blazed to life and a tiny scream jumped out of him.

“Will you talk to me now?” she demanded, her hands on her hips and her wand clutched loosely in one of them when he caught sight of her.

“You have an extraordinarily light tread.”

“Thank you.” She sniffed and threw her hair over her shoulders like he’d just called her beautiful. Maybe he had. At this point, his brain was such a stew of anxiety and panic that he couldn’t trust a word out of his own mouth.

Sebastian made his way over to some crates that had been stacked in a corner, dust cloths covering a few of them, and plopped down on one. She watched him, and her expression softened when she saw the way his chest was pumping air in short gasps. “Seb,” she said, jogging across the room and kneeling in front of him, between his legs. Her hands slid up to his face, and her voice suddenly lost all its tough-loving edge. “Hey, hey. Everything’s going to be alright.” “And what if it isn’t?” he choked. The future encroached on him with its talons outstretched, and his vision swirled a little. Air couldn’t reach his lungs quickly enough. “What if I choose wrong, and I have to spend the rest of the life I traded my sister’s for on NOTHING?” He was shouting now, he was sure of it, but the din floating up the stairs from the Great Hall covered it. When he glanced at the woman holding his face for the first time, he saw her lips had parted in shock.

She swallowed. “I didn’t know…I didn’t know that was why you were so scared.” Sebastian knew it was his own fault; he had swept his uncle’s and Anne’s death under the rug and rolled the rug up so tightly that he sometimes forgot about it himself.

“I don’t like to talk about it.”

“I know,” she whispered. Her thumb stroked his cheek. "But you didn't trade anything for your life, sweet boy. It's yours alone. To do what you want with." The candlelight was twisting weird, dancing figures over her pretty face as she gazed up at him. Why are we always here? He thought. Always here, always close, but never anywhere further. Then she cleared her throat. “So, how about it? Let me stay with you and…figure it out.”

Yes, please, just stay forever. “I don’t know,” his double-crossing mouth said. “What if we can’t sell the cottage? And what about Ominis, in London? He’ll need you there. And what if I still–”

“Oh, see, you’re asking all the wrong questions, baby bird.” She forced him to look at her, her hands clamped down, hard, on either side of his neck. “What do you want to do? Answer me, don’t think.”

“I want to be with you.” For Merlin’s goddamned sake, it slipped out so easily once he finally got out of his own way. Her eyes rounded, and he half-expected her to whoop out a victory cry. He had lost, given in, quit their stupid little game. Her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him before he had a chance to realize what he’d even said.

A broken sob of relief passed between their mouths, unclear where it had come from. Her lips were wonderful and soft, better than the dream. It was all better than the dream, he realized: the scent of her filling up his nose and the very real weight of her pressing desperately close to him while they sucked down air in the few reluctant seconds they would break apart for.

As she shrugged off her robes and lifted her leg to scoot onto his lap, the full severity of how stupid he was hit him squarely in the face. He had been dancing around her, wasting his time with little fantasies and dreams, and why? When he dug his hand into the flesh just below her ass, hoping to confirm this was all really happening, she moaned, dulcet and a little irked, and bit his bottom lip.

“Fuck,” he laughed, after she had relinquished it with a satisfying smack against his teeth. “Didn’t expect that.” She pulled herself off of him and sat back on her heels while still straddling him.

“Thank Christ you finally gave in,” she was muttering under her breath. Her fingers worked into the knot of his tie and she grunted in frustration, her hips inadvertently rocking against his cock and making blood flow out of his head and into his lap. “I was thinking of slipping you some veritaserum. I’ve been going mad.”

Sebastian groaned. “You’ve been going mad? I think my hair’s falling out.”

She gave a satisfied grunt as the tie fell loose around his neck, and she pulled him by both ends of it back to her lips. Every pent up ounce of stress and anxiety was rapidly pouring out of him as they kissed with fury, their tongues licking against each other and driving Sebastian wild. She pressed her lips to the spot on his neck where his jaw and ear met, and he discovered with a whimper that would have embarrassed him three months ago that it was his sweet spot. He begged her to do it again (“Shit, please, there again, baby,” was about as eloquent as he could manage) and she obliged with fervor. Her teeth sunk into the spot, pressure and delicious pain getting him harder by the second.

He grabbed her hand and showed her what she was doing to him, and it made her abandon her efforts on marking his neck to say, “God, is that all for me?”

“Who else?” She licked her lips and swallowed, seeming impressed as she stroked him up and down. She swore.

“Seb, this has been ridiculous.”

“Yes, it has,” he agreed, already irritated that now he had actually tasted her, nothing else would ever be as sweet. “But you won.”

A grin that would have looked more at home on his own mischievous face spread across her lips before he kissed it away once more. “I did, didn’t I?” she said with a small quiver of triumph and pride in her voice as she pulled back to look at him. He was well aware that he probably looked ridiculous, hair pushed askew by her fingers and his gaze stupid and lovestruck. “Every minute of torture since I saw you in that stupid towel–” She punctuated the last word by pushing his robes off his shoulders and throwing them on the ground behind them, “–totally worth it. Every assignment I missed, every class I couldn’t concentrate in, all of those fucking dreams…”

Sebastian’s heart skipped two beats. “DreamS?” he inquired, frantic, while she was tugging off her grey, woolen tights. He emphasized the “s”, barely daring to believe that she could have had more than one without his influence. Had it really been this easy the whole time? Had she been eating herself alive like he had since, what had she said? That stupid towel?

Since then? Why on earth had he bothered planting little seeds in her mind about being with him? The idea had taken root long before he’d even made his little nighttime excursion. God, this woman would never stop surprising him.

She huffed. “Yes, asshole, dreams. Too many dreams.”

“What kind of dreams?” He couldn’t help teasing her, not even now. When she sat back down in his lap with her tights removed, her core made contact with his cock and they both swallowed back moans at the sensation. Sebastian could feel how wet she was, even through his trousers. Wet and warm. And real.

“Want me to show you, birdie?”

“Oh, fuck, yes,” he breathed, looking up at her like a supplicant at the altar. There was a fuzzy glow emanating from all around her, and he wondered briefly if it was the candle-lit room or if she was part-deity, about to lead him through the “pearly gates” he’d heard her mention before. She leaned down and kissed him, her fingertips grazing his jaw. Their lips fought a little bit before he had to smile and she won, yet again, her tongue sliding against his. She tasted perfect.

“Did you have cherry tart for dessert?” he asked when she broke apart and pressed her forehead to his. In spite of their already-compromising position, she blushed and nodded. “Well,” Sebastian continued, his hands moving down her waist and thighs to flip up the front of her skirt. “I never got to have mine.” His voice was husky and broken, but he couldn’t care.

His fingers found purchase on the hem of her underwear. They skimmed over the lace there and they both gave up on trying to be cool and groaned. “Yeah, you were there,” she sighed with a slight choke as he ran one finger up her covered slit and pushed against her clit. “You touched me like that.” Sebastian applied more pressure and rubbed in light circles, and in what felt like seconds, she was circling her hips and grinding against his hand, just like she’d been so close to doing in the Three Broomsticks.

He decided he’d burn the entire castle to the ground before he let them be interrupted again, though.

Her arms were around his neck once more, hanging on for dear life while she pushed against him and chased down the orgasm that, if her huffy moans and whines were any indication, was looming near. Sebastian had tasted true power before and hated himself for not hating it, but never anything quite as potent as the weight of the woman he loved pressing to his chest and begging him to touch her, to really touch her. He slipped his hand inside the lacy scrap covering her heat without any break in his motions on her clit, and she cried, “Fuck, Bash!”

Sebastian moaned a curse out into his bitten lip and held it between his teeth while he slid one finger into her with the utmost ease. He had only ever heard her call him that once before, during a tense Slytherin/Gryffindor match on the Quidditch field. He’d flown past the stands where she had been clutching the edge of the box, squinting into the blinding sunlight to try and locate the bludger that had been dead set on de-brooming him, just long enough to hear her scream, “Fuckin’ kill ‘em, Bash!” and the fire in her voice had almost done the bludger’s job and knocked him clean out of the air.

She was soaking through her underwear, and the feeling of it pressed against his aching cock was getting him drunk. He pumped the finger upward and watched her shake and chase it back down with her hips. Perfect, he thought, utterly perfect. The idea that nothing would ever be able to compare to that dream seemed ridiculous now, when the real thing hovered over his lap. “I’ve had dreams about you, too, you know.”

“Is that so?” A smug smile flashed across her lips before it vanished in favor of a fucked out scream as he inserted another finger that stretched her even further.

“Mmhm. Awful ones.”

“Like what?” Words were becoming harder for her to gasp out. Sebastian increased the speed of his hand and twisted the fingers inside her so they were brushing against her walls in just the right way.

“I fucked you senseless into my bed.” You braggart idiot. “And I couldn’t think about anything else for a goddamned week. You sounded so fucking sweet, calling me ‘birdie’, and so tight around my cock. I never wanted to wake up.” She shuddered and cried out, driving her hips downward and coming all over his fingers. The peacock in him preened, wondering if the secretly shared memory had been what pushed her over the edge. Her orgasm was so powerful that, when he pulled his fingers away and slipped them into his mouth before she had a chance to protest, he saw a dark stain left on the lap of his trousers. He groaned around his fingers and tipped her chin down with his free hand so she could see the mess she’d made.

She moaned a feeble, “M’sorry,” when she saw the spot she’d left, shocking Sebastian so much that he used the hand holding her chin to swat her, barely making contact, across her cheek and glared.

“That is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” he growled, holding her in place until she nodded with a whimper and acknowledged it. “I never want to hear you say sorry for anything that gorgeous again.”

If sneaking into her dreams had been wrong of him, he couldn’t imagine that this was any sort of punishment for it.

She grumbled, “You smacked me.” Sebastian snorted.

“Barely.”

“Yes, and therein lies the problem.” He swore as his slacks tightened even more across his lap, and she giggled, wiggling her hips. He bucked into her, trying not to dig his thumbs into her waist too hard but unwilling to let her move from the perfect position he had her in. “Is that your wand?” she inquired. Her lips were pursed as she held in more laughter. “Or are you just pleased to see me?”

The filter that usually stopped Sebastian from speaking everything on his mind had left him quite alone for the evening. “I’m always pleased to see you. I swear, everything you do gets me so hard,” he said unabashedly. Based on the furious reddening of her cheeks, it seemed she could dish it out but not take it.

She freed herself from his hands and dropped to her knees again, in front of his spread legs, but this time, there was no pretense of comforting him. Sharp fingernails ran up his thighs while she looked at him from beneath her lashes and inquired, “My turn now?” Sebastian wondered if he’d accidentally ingested a few drops of felix felicis at some point.

“If you’d like,” he replied, smarmy and satisfied. He leaned back against the stacked crates behind him and spread his legs wider, watching her eye him as if she’d never seen anything better. When she unbuttoned his trousers and pulled him free of them and his underwear, his breath caught for a minute. He hoped it wasn’t disappointing to her.

“God in heaven. How am I meant to take this?” So not disappointed, then. The look on her face was closer to hunger, and Sebastian felt precum leaking out of his throbbing length when she wrapped her soft hands around it and gave a few experimental tugs. “I’ve never done this before,” she admitted, though without embarrassment. “Never knew a man who deserved it.”

“I’ve never had it done,” Sebastian said, “but what you’re doing there feels fucking fantastic.” He sighed in bliss as she stroked him faster. “So, what did I do to be the first one deserving of your beautiful mouth?” he asked, intending to sound very suave but instead eeking out the question with a slight choke. Her thumb swiped over the tip of his cock and he whined.

She hmphed, concentrating hard. “You mean besides torturing me for a month because you’re too stubborn to tell a girl you fancy her?” He had to give her a sheepish smirk, which she rolled her eyes at.

When she sank her mouth down around him and he felt the warmth envelope his length, Sebastian mewled. Head thrown back and his fingers clenching against her scalp, he groaned and sighed as she worked her tongue and lips against him. “Sh-shit, wow,” he whined. His composure left him completely. She felt indescribable, but it frustrated him to not be able to form words and tell her. His stomach contorted and flexed, and he stretched his long legs out, letting her steady the free hand that wasn’t jerking him on his thigh.

She pulled off his cock with a pop and looked up at him. “You’re like velvet,” she said, eyes wide, starving. Sebastian took her face in his hand and selfishly prayed that when he died, he’d still be able to take her with him, wherever he ended up. Now that he had her, there wasn’t anything living or dead that he would let separate them.

Such maudlin fantasies manifested themself in the room in the form of Sebastian muttering dumbly, “Sit on it, fuck, please, I need to feel you.”

“I’m not done here.” She dipped her neck again and licked up the length of him, and the sight and sensation almost broke his resolve, but he managed to pull her off of him by her hair, which made her squawk indignantly. But when he tugged her into his lap and kissed her again, their combined tastes mingling between them on their lips and tongues, her protestations died down.

She dug her fingers into his shirt, then realized he was still wearing a shirt. “Take this off,” she ordered, but as usual, took matters into her own hands and began unbuttoning it, pausing after each button to press kisses to the patches of skin that were revealed when she did so. Her lips left burns behind. When the shirt was finally open, she pulled it off him.

“My turn now?” he asked, cocking his head to one side and grinning.

Her uniform and his cast aside on the floor, the two looked at each other for a long while, although the feeling of their cores pressing, bare, together, had them softly panting and grinding. Sebastian laid his forehead against hers.

“Is…is this real? I mean, is it?” he breathed. He didn’t know what he meant but she did, and she nodded, her lips pressed like she was trying to stop herself from saying something.

“I’m not letting you fly away that easily.” She kissed up his neck while he smiled.

“Your little birdie.”

“Yes,” she gasped when his hands landed on her ass and he rolled her hips over his still painfully hard dick. Her clit brushed against the base of it and they both cried out. Sebastian had never felt anything so good, so right.

Her fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, then paused. She frowned.

“What?”

“God, Seb…when was the last time you had your hair cut?” His smile was almost predatory. One month and thirteen days.

“Hmm. I guess it has been awhile. No good?” he asked, like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. He could feel her fingers twirling the locks at the base of his neck, and she unconsciously ground against him even harder.

“Very good,” she groaned and threw herself forward so their chests were flush and they were kissing so deep that they had to share air. “You look fucking sinful. Whenever you come back to school with it like that I…” She trailed off, suddenly bashful, as if she wasn’t naked in his arms.

Sebastian thought he might be glowing. “I’ll never cut it again, darling,” he swore. “Just for you.”

The feast in the Great Hall, his nerves about graduation, the murky uncertainty that faced him after Hogwarts, all of it was gone as he helped her lift her hips and legs enough to line up his cock with her entrance. She sank down onto him and they cried out together, her slapping at his chest as she tried to relax around the thickness and him biting down on the inside of his mouth so hard it drew blood as he tried not to come then and there. Shivering, she wiggled her hips side to side while she became acclimated to his size. “Shitshitshit.” Sebastian gritted his teeth. “You’re really tight, wow. You feel…you feel so g-good.”

Her eyes flew to his, and he struggled further to not burst when he saw how flushed and hot she was. She was still steadying herself with a hand pressed against his chest. “S-sorry,” she said, “You’re–you better not fucking gloat about this, Sallow, but you’re the biggest…ugh.” She dropped her head to his shoulder in embarrassment, but Sebastian was beaming. Was he, now? His ego puffed up at the thought. It really didn’t need to hear that.

“I’ll be gentle, I promise.” “Why don’t I believe you?”

He showed her his canines. His other half, his better half. She knew him too well. “Because how could I possibly? Look at you, you’re a goddamn vision.” She really did look like a goddess on top of him, taking him so well and clutching him like she never wanted to be torn away from him. Then, she squirmed, and his cock somehow hardened further inside her, until the pain and pleasure of it was almost blinding him. “Fuck, you’re warming my cock so well, darling. Can I move?”

A whimper of assent and a hurried nod almost set him on his course, but he decided in that moment that there was one more thing requiring attention before he could really take her like he wanted to. He placed both hands on either side of her face and kissed her, slower and softer and sweeter than any yet, and said, “I love you.”

He expected a gasp, a cry of disgust, a puzzled look, something from her that would be an appropriate response to his wholly inappropriate confession, but all she said was, “I love you too, Seb.”

“Alright,” came the dopey response. She giggled and adopted a deep monotone to make fun of him.

“Alright.” They kissed again, and it felt like everything that had been upside down in Sebastian’s mind turned right side up. “I love you so much, my little birdie. I love your curiosity and your chirping. Promise you’ll let me stay with you until–”

“You think I’ll ever let you leave?” He cut her off, incredulous. “My home is ours now. And what’s the rush to sell?” A grin spread across her face as she watched one take over his. “Quite like the idea of a little privacy for the next few months.” He snapped his hips up, just once, and a shriek tore out of her throat. Her cunt was so slick and hot, he had to bite the wound he’d opened in his mouth again to not shout. “Ominis is far too light of a sleeper for how often I plan on making you scream my name.”

She began chasing his thrusts in earnest, picking up their pace and riding him until her legs were shaking. He hit her limit with every movement, and his abdomen flexed with the effort of fucking up into her the way he was. Their mingled panting and the slap of her ass against his lap were the only sounds filling the storage room, their own private concert for an audience of each other. When her tired legs couldn’t hold her anymore, she begged him, “Harder!” and Sebastian obliged happily by wrapping one arm around her waist and tilting her backwards so he could brace his free hand against the crate beneath him and rail her. A silencing charm would not have been amiss, he vaguely thought, as she cried through her enthusiasm for him. “Fuck, Seb, Seb!” she sobbed. “Please, just please!”

She hadn’t fallen in love with him because he never teased her, he reasoned, so he couldn’t resist a cheeky, “Please what?”, although his own climax was so close that it came out in a pathetic little huff. She was an angel above him, her hair framing her face like a halo and her back arched right where her wings would be. His desire to make her come first was the only thing stopping him from spilling into her. The question plaguing his mind for years finally answered, he was pleased. “So, you do cry when you come. I fucked myself a thousand times thinking about how perfect it must sound.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she slammed her hips down on his cock one last time and he gave three tiny thrusts inside her. His fingers flew to her clit and rubbed it through the searing orgasm washing through her, her cunt spasming around him and pulling him up to the peak as well. She wept and he breathed, "Little birdie fucking loves you,” and they both came together, him pumping his seed into her with labored pants and her greedily taking it in.

She huffed, “I want all of it,” and he moaned, hoarse and scratching. Cum was leaking out of her as he slowed down, his arm still supporting her as she slumped against him. Their combined mess covered their legs, and the sticky sight almost had Sebastian hardening inside her once more.

For several minutes, neither said anything. The chatter from the Great Hall had died down significantly. They laid together on the crate and played idly with each other, Sebastian’s fingers kneading the flesh below her ass and hers drawing light shapes over his chest. The air was heavy. It felt as though someone ought to say, “What now?” but neither of them wanted to. It didn’t matter, anyway. “What now?” was never going to be a concern of Sebastian’s again. The drive to ask questions, to wonder, to worry. It was all gone. Settled and soothed by something that curled itself around his heart and laid there, comfortably heavy.

“Come to bed,” he murmured, his eyes drifting open and shut, as if they were playing house in Feldcroft already, and not under strict instructions for one more night to sleep in separate dormitories.

“Oh, yes, I’m sure the other boys would love that.”

“They don’t hear anything.” Sebastian’s orgasmic haze made everything swirl and swim. He yawned. “Even when you kicked me out of that dream.” His fingertips ghosted over her bare back, toying with the ends of her hair as she lay curled into him. He didn’t realize his mistake until she said, dangerous and low,

“Even when I what?”

series masterlist

blog masterlist

#y'all it's been so realllll i hope this makes up for the literal months of frustration ❤️❤️#mrs. obama it's been an honor [disintegrates]#sebastian sallow fic #hogwarts legacy fic #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow smut #hogwarts legacy smut #laneywrites

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a-d-nox · 1 month ago

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pac/pap: (creature feature: mindflayer): suckers, tadpoles, and the hive

welcome to my october pac/pap creature feature series - instead of having a single pac/ pap this month, there will be five! every wednesday (at 5p / 17:00 EST) this october, a new creature will be coming out to play as the sun begins to set earlier and earlier... keep an out; you never know what is lurking in the darkness..

today's creature is the mindflayer: song queued: "c.s.i." by duke!

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: creature feature: dragon - wings, breath-weapons, hoards, and teeth

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile 1

suckers: what thoughts/beliefs are feeding off your energy and are affecting your mood?

life being perceived as unpredictable, will likely leave you feeling powerless or subject you to forces beyond your control. believing that “things just happen to you” might be draining your energy as well. a passive mindset where you’re waiting for change or for luck to improve your situation, rather than actively shaping your own fate doesn't serve you long term.

inner conflict or avoidance of external conflict may be lowering your energy. you’re trying to keep peace at the cost of your own boundaries or you are avoiding confrontation out of fear. suppressing your own needs or desires to avoid conflict, leads to feelings of resentment, self-doubt, and/or frustration.

you may have parasitic thoughts revolving around failure, lack of success, and/or concerns about not meeting societal or personal expectations regarding financial or familial success. the belief that you’re not building a solid foundation for your future, creates a sense of pressure and/or failure that weighs heavily on your mood.

tadpole: when do you find yourself dwelling on ideas/feelings that seem to take on a life of their own, as if they’re not truly yours?

you may find yourself dwelling on intrusive thoughts / feelings during times of indecision, inner conflict, and/or avoidance of making difficult choices. when you are faced with situations where you’re unsure of what direction to take or when you’re avoiding addressing uncomfortable truths, your mind may latch onto ideas that don’t feel authentic or true to you. which could make you feel overwhelmed, taking on a life of their own because you’re not actively confronting or resolving the underlying issue.

moments where you might feel mentally or emotionally stuck are greatly effected by a lack of clarity/decisiveness which can lead to you ruminating on thoughts that feel forced or imposed. this is often rooted in fear, doubt, and/or external influence. by avoiding a decision or action, the unresolved tension gives power to these parasitic thoughts, making them feel like they aren’t fully under your control.

hive: how can you address the mental “tadpoles” that grow within?

take a step back and reflect on your life, your thoughts, and your emotions with clarity. recognizing and identifying the sources of your doubts and fears can greatly help. ask yourself where these mental tadpoles came from - are they rooted in past experiences, external criticism, or internalized beliefs?

take responsibility for the role you’ve played in nurturing these doubts, whether consciously or unconsciously. growth comes from accepting your part in holding onto these fears and then deciding to let them go. do not blame others or external circumstances - to reclaim your power you must acknowledge that you have the ability to change these patterns.

once you’ve acknowledged the doubts and fears that have embedded themselves, know it’s time to release them. do so by forgiving yourself or others for past mistakes, letting go of old/limiting beliefs, and making a conscious choice to move forward.

you need to tune into your true self and what aligns with your authentic purpose. let your inner guidance lead toward thoughts and beliefs that uplift and empower you, rather than those that sow fear and doubt.

pile 2

suckers: what thoughts/beliefs are feeding off your energy and are affecting your mood?

a disconnection from self-care and feelings of insecurity about your ability to manage your life, responsibilities, or emotions feed off your general energy. believing that you’re not capable of providing for yourself - whether materially or emotionally - may have latched onto you. feeling overwhelmed by life’s demands, neglecting your own well-being, or seeking external validation to compensate for a lack of self-worth. parasitic thought can manifest as a constant inner voice telling you that you’re not “enough” or capable of nurturing your life in a balanced way, leading to burnout or emotional exhaustion.

an underlying belief tied to emotional immaturity or naivety exists within you. you might find yourself clinging to idealistic or unrealistic emotional expectations about relationships, self-worth, and/or happiness. this belief could be parasitic in the sense that it leads to disappointment/disillusionment when things don’t align with these ideals. focusing on fleeting feelings rather than grounding yourself in deeper emotional truths, can be destabilizing and lead to emotional roller coasters.

tadpole: when do you find yourself dwelling on ideas/feelings that seem to take on a life of their own, as if they’re not truly yours?

your suppression of subconscious fears, anxieties, and/or truths about yourself, that you’re not fully confronting may cause you to ignore your instincts, dismissing red flags, and/or believing illusions about your situation / others. avoidance can feed off your energy by keeping you in a cycle of confusion, doubt, and/or a fear of the unknown.

you may find yourself dwelling on ideas/feelings that take on a life of their own during moments of creative block, lack of motivation, and/or when you’re feeling uninspired. you might experience a disconnect from your usual sense of passion or drive, leaving space for ideas that don’t feel like they come from your true self to creep in.

when your usual enthusiasm or energy is low, the absence of clear direction / inspiration may invite feelings of frustration, self-doubt, and/or stagnation. dwelling on thoughts that seem to sabotage your motivation further - thoughts of inadequacy, fears of failure, and/or feelings of unworthiness in pursuing your goals - can easily spiral, taking on an exaggerated importance, even though they aren’t aligned with your core desires/ambitions.

hive: how can you address the mental “tadpoles” that grow within?

a fear of stepping forward / taking risks due to uncertainty or past mistakes, may be holding back because you’re afraid of making the wrong choice, which generally breeds doubt. it’s important to acknowledge that mistakes are part of growth. allow yourself to take steps forward even when you’re unsure of the outcome. give yourself permission to explore and make mistakes, knowing that they’re part of the journey.

impulsive decisions made without sufficient thought, which can feed doubt or fear later when things don’t go as planned. take time to evaluate your choices carefully and avoid acting out of impatience / restlessness. make sure you’re making well-thought-out decisions can prevent seeds of regret from taking root.

doubts may arise from an over-attachment to safety or familiarity, which prevents you from stepping into the unknown. the fear of what could go wrong may stop you from taking important steps toward change. confront your fear of the unknown and understand that you don’t have to have everything figured out to move forward. embrace uncertainty as part of life’s adventure rather than something to avoid.

you might talk yourself out of new experiences or growth opportunities due to ingrained fears/doubts. consciously challenge limiting beliefs by asking yourself where they come from and whether they hold any real truth. replace them with affirmations of your capability and readiness.

ground yourself more before embarking on new endeavors. make sure that you feel prepared and confident before taking big steps, rather than acting out of impulse or overconfidence. taking small, deliberate actions can help you feel more secure, and reduce the mental space for doubts and fears to grow.

pile 3

suckers: what thoughts/beliefs are feeding off your energy and are affecting your mood?

being overly focused on the past, perhaps romanticizing it or feeling stuck in old emotional patterns can manifest as an inability to move forward. with a deep attachment to how things “used to be,” draining your energy by keeping you locked in a cycle of reminiscing or wishing for a return to earlier/simpler times. which can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction with your present life, making it hard to embrace new experiences / growth.

you might be holding onto beliefs that your future is either uncertain or not unfolding the way you envisioned. you may feel like your plans aren’t moving forward, leaving you stuck in a cycle of doubt or indecision. these beliefs may cause you to avoid taking action or limit your perspective, feeding off your energy by keeping you in a state of hesitation, frustration, and/or fear of the unknown.

you may feel life or others are treating you unfairly, or that you’re carrying the weight of unresolved karma/injustice. thoughts of resentment or guilt, are likely to drain your energy by keeping you stuck in cycles of blame, anger, and/or self-righteousness. you may either overestimating external factors or being too hard on yourself, creating internal discord.

tadpole: when do you find yourself dwelling on ideas/feelings that seem to take on a life of their own, as if they’re not truly yours?

you may find yourself dwelling on ideas / feelings that seem to take on a life of their own during moments of heightened emotion, romantic idealism, and/or when you’re caught up in fantasy and escapism. you are likely deeply connected to your emotions or imagination, which can lead to thoughts and feelings that feel larger than life, dramatic, and/or even disconnected from reality.

you may get swept up in feelings of love, inspiration, and/or longing that are not fully grounded. you likely dwell on ideas that don’t truly align with your practical / deeper needs. emotions/thoughts can be fleeting but powerful, and you might feel like they aren’t fully under your control, as if they are carrying you away into fantasy.

hive: how can you address the mental “tadpoles” that grow within?

the best way to confront your doubts and fears is to act decisively and with confidence. doubts and fears grow stronger when we hesitate or overthink. take swift and focused action, them you will break through the mental stagnation and show yourself that you are capable and powerful.

reconnect with what excites you / brings you joy. by focusing on what ignites your energy, you can push aside mental blocks. Let your passion become the fuel that overrides any doubts, guiding you toward what you truly desire.

start seeing obstacles not as threats but as challenges to be overcome. your doubts and fears are simply hurdles on the path to success. by shifting your mindset to view these negative thoughts as opportunities for growth rather than setbacks, you can tackle them head-on with a sense of excitement and adventure. the more you see fear as something to conquer, the less power it will have over you.

doubt may thrive when you overthink or dwell too long on decisions. trust your instincts and act quickly. by taking the first step can dispel the fog of doubt.

work on building your self-confidence. take manageable risks, achieve goals, or even reminding yourself of past successes. the more you affirm your own abilities, the less room there is for fear to grow.

keep your eyes on the prize and do not let distractions, doubts, and/or fears sidetrack you. when you find yourself overwhelmed, return to your larger purpose. stay focused on what you want to achieve, you’ll naturally push past the doubts and fears that threaten to slow you down.

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nostalgebraist · 2 years ago

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About my fake staff ask

How I made it:

Currently, the tumblr API just... lets you make a post in which you "reply" to an "ask" from an arbitrary user, containing arbitrary content.

In tumblr's Neue Post Format (NPF), responses to asks look similar to other posts. The only difference is that they have a special entry in their "layout," specifying which part of the post is the ask, and who it is from.

Right now, if you try to create an NPF post with this kind of layout entry in it, it just works! You can use this to make an "ask" from anyone, containing anything, and answer it.

This is a huge bug and presumably will get fixed sometime soon?

How I discovered the bug:

Weirdly enough, I find out about it while trying to improve @nostalgebraist-autoresponder's alt text features this past week.

As you may have noticed, Frank now writes alt text differently, with more clarity about which pieces are AI-generated and what role they play.

While making this change, I found myself newly frustrated with my inability to use line breaks in alt text. The API used to let me do it, but then it stopped, hence all the "[newline]" stuff in older alt texts.

After poking around, I found that you can use line breaks in alt text on tumblr, and you can do this through the API, but only if you create posts in NPF.

Frank creates posts in legacy, not NPF. This has been true forever, and it works fine so I've had no reason to change it.

Fully rewriting Frank's post creation code to use NPF would take a lot of work.

Right now, Frank's language model generates text very close to a limited subset of HTML, which I can send to tumblr as "legacy" post content basically as-is. To create posts in NPF, I'd have to figure out the right way to convert that limited HTML into NPF's domain-specific block language.

I wasn't going to do that just to support this one nicety of alt text formatting.

"But wait...", I thought.

"Frank is already making these posts, with the alt text, in legacy format. And once they exist on tumblr, it's easy to determine how to represent them in NPF. I just fetch the existing post, in NPF format."

So all I need to do is

Have Frank make the post, as a draft, with the alt text containing "[newline]" or something in place of the line breaks I really want.

Fetch this draft, in NPF.

Create a new NPF post, with the same contents that we just fetched, in whichever state we wanted for the original post (draft, published, or queued).

Delete the draft we made in step 1.

This was convoluted, but it worked! I patted myself on the back for a clever workaround, and went on to do other stuff for a while...

...and then it hit me.

In the case where the post was a response to an ask, Frank was doing the following:

Responding to the ask.

Fetching the response in NPF.

Creating a completely new post, identical to the response -- including the contents of the original ask.

Deleting the original ask.

Meaning, you can just make asks ab nihilo, apparently.

So after a few more tests, I went and made the @staff ask, as one does.

Unfortunately, once the bug gets fixed, Frank's newlines-in-alt-text solution won't work for asks anymore... oh well, it wasn't a big deal anyway.

#tunglr dot hell #nostalgebraist autoresponder meta

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gatheredfates · 26 days ago

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Hi all and happy weekend! 🦇 We're keeping to the spooky theme still with the Compendium updates and, once again, I am gently boosting plugging the SEAFLOOR Saints Wake Gpose Challenge for anyone who might be interested! All works are reblogged to SEAFLOOR as well as queued on my blog.

There's not a big update this week so, if you know of anything I have missed, please reach out to me via my Discord or the Google Form.

As of today 10/20, the following communities have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives. 👻

FREE COMPANY, FRIEND / CASUAL SERVERS

Skystone Co—An airship with a crew dedicated to shipping, travel and trade. Medium-rp FC on Mateus that focuses on bringing a wide variety of characters and rp styles together in one sky! Mist - W 26 - P4. Open for public rp but scheduled collabs and rp events are accepted as well.

COMPENDIUM

Some of the wording in the initial paragraphs and outline of the document has changed for the encompassing of purpose. While the Compendium has always functioned with writing/roleplay in mind, it's not the only thing that it's used for, and I wanted that to be more readily known.

Some changes have been made to the disclaimer, predominately clarity around irrefutable evidence. While it's common sense, I still wanted to include transphobia/racism as some of the criteria for Compendium removal. Basically: be a nice community and you won't be removed.

Have you thought about joining our Tumblr Community? You can find it here!

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here or send me an ask with the relevant information!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. This is all publicly available on the document. 🍬

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads. (Though these get posted to the SEAFLOOR Tumblr Community when I find them!)

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include IC tabloid blogs or other ventures used to generate roleplay.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

I want to put my community on the Compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my Community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community/resource on the Compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it. The same goes for resources; if it's relevant to the game, it'll be useful to someone.

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, contact me asap!

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

#final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #ffxiv community #final fantasy xiv roleplay #ffxiv roleplay #｡･ﾟﾟ･ — sea speaks #｡･ﾟﾟ･ — sea's community compendium

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pillowfort-social · 7 months ago

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Site Update - 4/4/2024

Hi Pillowfolks! Our Developers have pushed a new update to our platform that addresses several bug fixes. We will be monitoring closely for any unexpected bugs so please let us know if you run into any.

Thank you again for your support! Stay tuned for future updates.

Bug Fixes

Moderation Improvements - Fixed a couple of bugs present in the moderation flag appeal process.

Account Settings Fix - Fixed an error that locked users out of accounts after trying to save an avatar with an image that is 5 megabytes or higher. We also improved error handling for avatar uploading.

Deleted Communities - Fixed a bug where the names of deleted Communities were not available to be reused.

Posts Not Appearing in Communities - Fixed a bug where posts submitted to Communities with post screening enabled were not visible in the screening queue.

Queue & Scheduling Fixes - Fixed erroneous notifications for queued reblogs.

Other

We also made a minor revision to our Terms of Service to provide better clarity on prohibited content regarding suggestive images, photography, and art of real minor

#pfstaffalert #pillowfort #updates #pfdevalert #bug fixes #moderation #settings #communities #tos #queue #scheduling

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oboetemasuka · 2 months ago

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Aftermath

My bid for innocence in Milgramblr.

Or, more accurately, my bid that @good-beans started "Order of Attack". Sure, I sent the ask, but Beans created the concept of Eyepatch Amane.

I maintain that if I truly started it, Amane would have only been a bit scuffed. And here is my original vision as proof. (Uh, it might be tainted by 10 months of writing whump...)

Not proofread, but @stuffedsand and @purgemarchlockdown helped me brainstorm some of the dialogue.

(1089 words)

Wait, it's over a thousand words? It was only 500 words when I went to put the finishing touches!

Oops.

(This is queued for the 4am slot, but I will reblog with a poll once I'm awake.)

(Cw: canon-typical violence, cult mentality, reference to child abuse; Amane is a bad patient; medical information may be inaccurate)

A collision with the wall. A few whacks to the head. That was all Amane would get for now. That was all fine because she could barely move after that anyway.

The pain was all-consuming, unlike anything Amane had ever experienced before. She had never been this close to losing consciousness. Was she even conscious still?

The glare from Kotoko's eyes still burned in her. Unfathomable malice directed at a subject with no hope of redemption, but also a weak subject who could be tossed aside for later.

All she could do was wait for her proper turn like a good girl.

Kotoko had more pressing matters to deal with, after all. That being Fuuta, who was screaming and kicking for her to stop. No wonder he was first; Kotoko must have thought he needed to learn the lesson faster. But Amane could hardly register what was happening to him, except that it was ten times as brutal as any punishment she had ever faced, and that a similar fate might await her.

But Kotoko did not finish because the door slammed open, and Amane returned to her shell of absolute, utter, intense agony.

Next thing she knew, Kazui was kneeling by her side, guiding her to lie down, asking her things that didn't make sense. Fuuta was lying limply on the floor, covered in blood. Kotoko was gone.

What had Kotoko said? Something about delivering punishments in order?

"Mahiru san…" Amane muttered. "All alone…"

"I know, but I can't leave you two here without anyone else to watch."

Truly, this pain was nothing. Amane's head was still spinning a day later, and a high-pitched sound rang in her ears. She tried to blink away the morning blurriness, but it refused to give way to clarity. A deep breath triggered the pain of a thousand bruises.

And yet she had gotten off lightly. The others could have died, or so she heard; nobody would give her more details than that.

She had to go see for herself. But the moment she got herself to her feet, she sensed the figure of a certain Kirisaki Shidou looming over her.

"Amane, what do you think you are doing? Go back to sleep." Ugh, how patronizing.

"I need to talk to my friends." She tried to her voice cold and calculated so Shidou wouldn't dare dismiss her, but she couldn't control the shaking.

"They are in no condition to talk. Let them rest. Do not bother them."

"Bother them? Surely they would like to see a friendly face after everything that transpired."

"You need to rest too. You shouldn't be walking around while concussed."

"I can walk around just fine."

"You'll only make your condition worse and slow down your recovery."

Amane glared at Shidou with as much willpower as she could muster. "Are you really going to drag me into your immoral practice? Now?"

In turn, Shidou sighed. "This isn't up for debate. Go back to sleep."

"Let me talk to them." It took all she had not to scream at him.

"You can do that after you rest." The desire to raise their voices seemed mutual.

As Amane opened her mouth to retort, dark spots began to swim in her vision. She wished she had the strength to tell Shidou to back off, but instead, he guided her back down to rest.

"Let me talk to them," Amane insisted.

"I am not going to let you risk your health over a conversation."

"I have proven that I can sit up for five minutes without falling over."

"I never asked you to do that. Go back and lie down."

"You said they could have died."

That caught Shidou's attention. "Your point is?"

"You are wasting a lot of your effort on me when they clearly need it more."

"Amane, you aren't making sense."

"I need to talk to them. What if they die, and I miss my chance to get closure because I'm resting?"

Not the most logical argument, but it seemed to strike a nerve in Shidou. "Fine. Five minutes with each of them. That's it."

Mahiru resembled a mummy, or half of one, with all the seemingly fresh bandages wrapped around her. She was well on the way to an early demise. Amane had half a mind to warn her to reject the doctor's evil work, but it seemed those words would fall on deaf ears. She had to make this time count.

"Mahiru-san… I'm sorry."

"Hmm…" Mahiru stirred slightly, eyelids quivering open. "Ama…"

"It's okay… don't push it… I just needed to say… I wish I was there with you. So you would not have to face those trials alone."

"But…" Mahiru pursed her lips, seemingly to say Fuuta's name.

"Fuuta-san was found by Kazui-san. I only wish you weren't alone." Maybe only was the wrong word. Amane leaned forward. "I wish that you won't die soon. I would miss you so much."

It took Mahiru a moment to process, but then she smiled slightly. "Thanks… Amane-chan…"

Fuuta was lucky that Kazui had intervened. But still, he was missing an eye, and it sounded like he could hardly breathe.

Rumor had it that he could have died if nobody stepped in. They had found Mahiru in critical condition, but they could have found Fuuta dead.

And then what would have become of Amane? No doubt, if left alone with Kotoko, she would have had it the worst. And if she had gone to visit Mahiru instead…

Amane shook away the thought. She only had a few precious moments to speak to Fuuta. He must have noticed her shadow because his good eye was now open and looking wearily at her.

"Fuuta-san, I'm sorry."

"For wh…"

"I was too weak to stop Kotoko-san. I was there in the room, but I couldn't-"

"No…"

What? That caught Amane off guard. Fuuta continued while she tried to find the words again.

"I'm… sorry… couldn't stop her…"

"Oh, no, it wasn't your fault. I-"

"Wasn't… yours… either…"

This conversation was going in circles, and time was slipping away.

"I just hope we can have a real conversation again someday." One that wasn't tainted by pain and suffering.

Amane tried to ignore the pounding in her head and drift off to sleep. She knew her suffering paled in comparison to Mahiru and Fuuta, but she had never known anything like this before.

She had never been this sleepless before. And yet this trial too would come to pass.

#milgram #amane momose #fuuta kajiyama #kotoko yuzuriha #kazui mukuhara #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #canon typical violence #cw cults #cw child abuse #bad things happen to amane #kyanako writes #milgramblrgram

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eastgaysian · 3 months ago

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new temporary pinned post for clarity's sake, taking a break from donation comms to unfuck my wrist.

mentioning me in a post to reblog is totally ok, but i get a lot of notifications and mentions are likely to get buried - send an ask or preferably a dm if you need me to see something.

i cannot vet/verify fundraisers. i will share fundraisers that have not yet been verified with whatever information i can add about their legitimacy, but i encourage you to do your own basic research as well. most fundraiser reblogs are queued.

and while you're here, i do want to highlight a handful of specific fundraisers that are low on funds/in urgent need of donations:

Mohammed Haboub (mohammedhaboubsblog) - shared by 90-ghost - kr190,341/300k (USD $18,341/$28.5k) raised to evacuate 4 family members, along with paying for exorbitant rent and medical expenses. SHORT TERM GOAL: kr240,000 SEK, please note exchange rate

Mohammed Matar (matarmoh) - verified by el-shab-hussein - €3,727/€20,000 (USD $4,106/$21,800) raised to evacuate 5 family members, including a 6 month old baby daughter

Israa Alazaiza (sarah-family) - verified #236 - $7,033 CAD/$48,000 (USD $5,182/$34,560) raised to evacuate 9 family members - DONATIONS ARE STAGNATING

Feras Al-Mansi (mazenmanal) - verified by apollos-olives - €4,252/€100,000 (USD $4,684/$112,085) raised for rent and medical care, as well as evacuating a family including young children

#pinned

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hypogryffin · 1 year ago

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genuinely curious by what you mean by "jewish (factual)" in your tier list. i can assume for a couple what you mean (sophia as an example) but i dont see how the others could be like jewish-coded! interested in hearing your thoughts

link to the first post for claritys sake, but this is the tier in question:

ok so for clarification: i made the tier list a little while ago and then scheduled it for later to keep uploads consistent, something i usually do all the time but am not for this discussion for now. this means that by the day the tier list posted, i was already a few weeks or so divorced from the actual creation of it, so some of my opinions have changed (as i said in the og post, i was unsure on a good portion of the characters even when i first queued the list), and some of my reasonings behind placements have been lost to time and my silly little goldfish memory.

bc of this, as of now as im trying to find a distinct line between "jewish (factual)" and "jewish (based on vibes)", the criteria for "factual" is sort of murky. some placements in the category were serious, but a lot of them were also entirely for joking reasons, and i had moved on as soon as i was done laughing to myself without coming back to it.

all this is to say, i have no idea how to summarise it, so im going to explain everything i can remember about my thought process at the time so you can see where i was coming from.

SOPHIA:

yup 👍.

ok so for the uninformed, sophia is the name of a gnostic figure and the specifics change depending on the context of which ur referring to her in, but in judaism specifically sophia was given as a translated name for chokmah which is like a being thats like really important in kabbalah and considered like. this sort of i guess personification of divine wisdom?

anyways this is a concept that i doubt im anywhere near the first person to bring up, so im not gonna spend a lot of time on it like i will the things i havent heard other people talk about. like the whole "good friend of humanity" thing! judaism puts a lot of emphasis on kindness and care for other people and i think its important that thats so big for her character and for how jewish she can be read as. she is also jewish because i like her :^).

TATSUYA:

suffers endlessly because g-d hates *him*, specifically, and he hates g-d right back. jewish.

that was a joke. ok so right out the gate i think the whole "fighting hitler" aspect of IS should count for something during the discussion of which characters are jewish. like just putting that out there. anyways tatsuya is jewish because of eternal punishment. specifically, you know how hes like super into "atonement" and repentance? bro would really have benefited from going to a high holidays service lemme tell you. and he does it in a specific way thats like. his atonement is actively trying to repair what hes fixed right like hes not doing what hes doing to be redeemed, hes doing it because its his responsibility to fix whats been broken. i just idk how to explain it properly but thats a thought process your rabbi talks you through in jew school yknow?

also theres this thing called tikkun olam, which literally translates as "repairing the world". so it means more like. doing ur best as a citizen to improve community and country, or general social work. but just considering it as taking the literal translation, then its just like... yep. that sure is what hes doing isnt it

also, killed hitler. hashtag work

KATSUYA:

placed here mostly because being tatsuyas brother, theyd probably be at a similar "level" of religiosity. however there are some unique things i want to point out here;

katsuya like embodies the idea of "tzedek tzedek tirdof" like. its unfortunate hes a cop but for a cop hes a pretty good person? hes pretty uncompromising on right and wrong, and in a way that totally lines up w tzedek tzedek tirdof as its described in the torah.

extra emphasis on his compassion, as in theres like that core facet of judaism, the tikkun olam, where people have a moral obligation to help others; not just do good as oneself, but also stop other people from doing bad. that last bit doesnt really matter, cuz im bringing it up so i can talk about katsuya as a police officer to clear his dads name and try and ensure a better future for his brother. he gave up his dreams for them.

i mean, when i say "giving up his dreams", im kinda laughing to myself bc theres no way he ran it past his parents bc if he looked his jewish mother in the eye and said "i want to be a pastry chef" he would not make it out of the room alive. hed go "my dream is to become a pâtissier" and his mom would immediately be like "no its not its to be an accountant" and that would be the end of the discussion

also, i think he would make some of the best fucking challah in the world. hed make matzo ball soup that could make you jizz your pants just looking at it. look me in the eyes and tell me that he doesnt actually go nuts at rosh hashana when he gets to make the round challah with the raisins in it and stuff or whatever else. there is such a crystal clear vision in my mind of him rocking this apron my dad used to have that says "real men make latkes". it was pink and ugly as sin and i think it would be katsuyas most prized possession.

LABRYS:

her name is fucking labrys obviously shes a jewish lesbian. next.

/j i will actually talk about this. like not mentioning the only survivor of her upbringing, which isnt a one to one considering the death match portion of her backstory but still close enough to feel um. relavant to jewish culture. she acts very...stereotypically jewish?

its not entirely the accent, but it is...part of it. so like i know its like a new jersey accent and that the stereotype is new york, i guess? but im not american and i dont rlly know the difference. they look close enough to each other on a map tho so i think it counts

but also shes like kinda confrontational in a way i specifically associate with jewish people or jewish characters? like not really bitchy but argumentative right, shes got this really sarcastic or mocking sense of humour. and girl kvetches with the best of them.

(also, side note: since i made the original list, i found out that the voice actress for aegis in p3 reload, dawn m bennett, is actually jewish! if i were to remake the tier list, aegis would be moved up from "vibes" to "factual" because of this. mentioning that here because of the sister thing :).)

JOKER:

kills g-d which is the jewish dream. this is a another joke.

someone in the replies of the tier list said something abt a possible reason being that he has an "abrahamic figure" as his ult. persona, which could be a good point if satanael was actually an abrahamic figure! but it is not. like ok im not a history guy but satanael is a name used in the 2nd book of enoch, which arguably could be part of jewish "canon" (i know this is actually the term for it but fandom has rotted my brain and it sounds terminally online to use it in terms of real life religiosity) but most rabbis agree it like is not, and theyre kind of who im listening to on this, and quick google search says even in christianity, enoch is debatable? idk

so like satanael isnt in the torah. and if anyone says "oh its just like another name for satan so technically--" shut up i know. satan isnt real in the torah either. ok like "satan" is used as a term, but not as like the specific dude that like rules hell. hes just like at most a specific dude who is not a devil/cast from heaven or whatever, but instead is a lawyer. more often its a concept, something representative of like the urge to go against g-ds will or a kosher life, this "evil inclination" which everyone is born possessing and grapples with when trying to be a good person. NOT THE SAME AS THE CHRISTIAN SATAN. WHICH IS WHAT P5 WAS GOING FOR. SATAN IN JUDAISM IS NOT A "super demon lord" or whatever they call it in the text of the game

satanael isnt an abrahamic figure and i dont think satan is either cuz its so different between religions and honestly i think calling things abrahamic religions, at least w the context i hear of it, is like kind of a misnomer or just kind of generally misleading cuz judaism christianity and islam are all so different and if were talking about this i think whoever invented the term judeochristian should eat a sheet of glass for it because whenever i hear those terms its very clear the person saying it means just christianity but theyre trying to be inclusive without actually putting the work in and thats not the point of this.

ok if im honest, as i think abt it joker isnt like. really... super jewish, in a way that you can point out? its just like... this overall vibe im having trouble explaining which is probably also like super influenced by how much i like him. i want to say that this strict sense of right and wrong that remains uninfluenced by the rest of society is something that clearly creates or maybe just intensifies this like. empathy for other people that reminds me of this concept in judaism which i cant remember the hebrew name of rn but i think its most commonly translated to english as "lovingkindness", one word? or that the whole idea of the phantom thieves can be contributed to tikkun olam. but, on the other hand, even if lovingkindness is what i personally consider one of jokers core character traits, the other one is pure, blinding rage.

im not going to go super into it, because im a few years rusty of torah study bc its only really consistently done in my community for kids preparing for bnai mitzvah cuz of how few people we have in our congregation. but from what i remember, my interpretation of the exact limit between righteous and sinful anger is a bit more... lax than the average jew's, or at least the average rabbi's, meaning mine, lol. either way anger is almost always seen as sinful because its an emotion that can like. turn you from g-d, its the same thing that invokes that "evil inclination" we just talked abt. so, joker textually feels this rage that arsene, his other self, literally refers to as "sacrilegious", something that very clearly states that he is willing to *knowingly* commit sins for this rage and is perfectly capable of causing undue harm to others for it, which is exactly the reason why judaism warns of anger. this means jokers anger is distinctly against jewish teachings.

again, im really lax, my familys reform (/lh) and i think there are some parts of this characterisation that make me feel this rage is overall constructive, especially considering that is what feeds his constant practice of lovingkindness and tikkun olam, but it being such a huge facet of his personality (made worse bc as a silent protagonist, you really have to search to get away from this trait) brings him down on the Jew Scale(tm).

in short, now that im really discussing this id probably move him to incredibly jewish based on vibes or even to just "jewish" no further classification. but even w the undying sinful anger thing i cant not think of him as jewish and i dont think its just bc hes one of my favourite characters of all time.

also that hair texture looking really familiar is all🤔🤔. all im saying that is in the tutorial, instead of "frizzy hair", morgana deffo should have been calling them blondie and jewfro /j /j /j

EDIT AND JOKERS KITCHEN!! JOKERS KITCHEN!! FOOD AS A LOVE LANGUAGE!! IN P5 YOU MAKE FOOD FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU PUT LOVE INTO IT

MORGANA:

i know i put morgana before joker in the tier but i think in order to rlly discuss morgana we needed joker first bc part of my reason for putting them in the same tier is because they really are a pair, do not separate.

anyways, morgana does have a lot of the same problems as joker when it comes to being difficult to pin down. his inclination to tikkun olam is similar, sort of even greater than jokers depending on personal characterisation of joker, but instead of this discrepancy of his jewishness being anger, the ethical conundrum with morgana is sort of. arrogance? like, i have trouble figuring out how to really put into words how i feel abt morganas "lovingkindness", because it is so hard to understand where hes at in terms of empathy?? like. fucking. idk hes definitely a very caring person but its not exactly like

ok i cant figure out how to say it moving on. i used the word arrogance even though i dont really think thats right, because morgana has never seemed haughty. his "arrogance" is really just him making up for an inferiority complex caused by the amnesia thing, its not as if he genuinely totally believes himself to be above the others. but like no matter what it stems from, the way he behaves and his personal pride hurts people. ie the okumura arc, or his entire relationship w ryuuji. he speaks ill of others, belittles them to bring himself up, etc. arrogance and excess pride is as condemned as anger in judaism if not moreso, since its even less useful/constructive to be "arrogant" than it is to be angry. OH ok so what i meant with the hard to figure out his empathy thing is this actually!! hes very caring and has a really notable respect for human life but its always at war with his need to prove himself, so even if when you think about it its like Oh Morgana Is A Really Caring Person, which makes sense because he was created from human desire and as such is really in touch with what people need, the desperation he has to be seen as "worthy" comes off as wanting to be seen as "above", even if it means trying to get the people around him as being considered "below" him.

tldr so if it was just those two traits i think id have to move morgana lower on the list, alongside joker.

HOWEVER. speaking directly to the other jews in the crowd, but morgana is totally textually a golem, right? like not exactly, obviously, but think about it. morganas a being of the velvet room because he was created from "the dregs of human hope" (canonical line from yaldaboath that i think about more than what can be considered healthy tbh), whose job is was and always will be to protect and guide the trickster and his community, the phantom thieves. hes a golem right? am i insane? am i seeing things? i dont care, im not giving up on this interpretation, so morgana is factually and canonically jewish cuz of it.

ZEN:

i do not remember.

as of today id probably move him to either jewish no other classification or not jewish. my b guys. anyways

JUN:

life is indescribable torment, and then hes also got additional, mostly unrelated, mommy issues. judaism 101.

also his suspenders when he was a kid are the most young jewish lad shit in the history of ever like i have seen that exact outfit on a young boy every time i go to temple, and each time it is a different kid

ok more seriously, i really do think juns story-- specifically his relationship with memory-- can easily be extracted into a jewish narrative. like nyarlathotep messed with his memories and convinced him that the other members of the masked circle killed maya right. and so the way he fanatically reminded himself of the past was a mix of trauma and active manipulation. but if i think abt it a certain way i also can see it as like. ok so in judaism memory is really important and like a lot of the time during for example passover, youre meant to refer to yourself as being a jew in egypt, saying "we" instead of "them" and such. but im specifically meaning how important memory/remembrance is in grieving. jun in his grief for mayas perceived death "kept her alive" in a way. she was never forgotten, and so she never died. even though the entire masked circle forgot, from trauma or fear or guilt or whatever, jun held on, remembering her, and so she survived. joker took peoples dreams but his actions also caused them to be completely be forgotten. they were alive, but they were robbed of their ability to be remembered at all, and so they were as good as dead even still breathing and talking.

retroactively, this idea enforces tatsuyas jewishness, considering the entire story of eternal punishment. he refused to forget the masked circle, even though it hurts.

anyways back to jun, i also think the whole repentance thing is important too. he hurt people in his anger and sorrow and spends the rest of his life (until the world is reset at least lol) atoning for his wrongdoings.

also, i know i said kid him is super jewish looking, but he has not gotten better as hes grown up. 17y.o him is exactly the guy your bubbe will pull up on facebook and be like "this is the grandson of my friend or whoever! you should go on a date with him, hes your age! he looks a bit gay but hes a very successful doctor! ...and hes JEWISH YAKNOW...." and ur like "ok bubbe"

ERIKO:

i actually do not recall exactly why she is in this tier specifically. the only thing i for sure remember was that i at least partially placed her here bc of her fascination with the occult.

HIKARI:

ok this one was kinda me goofing. its the whole extended family thing like whats more jewish than being actively discouraged from a creative career for something "safe" and "normal?" bro the aunt might as well have dropped the "being a doctor is very respectable" line in the song.

but like even without that, wanting to be a director or associated with film? hitting her with the jew beam. mazel tov babygirl.

#not art #asks & requests

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