#for anyone who got through all of that: bravo

[reidrum]

the prophecy part 2:

poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand | s.r.

A/N: she's arrived! i hope we like this one,,,,.....,,,.,maybe a part 3 what who said that

cw: angst, hurt/comfort no comfort, penelope is a really good friend, fem!reader, spencer's kind of a dick bro

summary: you and spencer deal with the aftermath of cat's words

wc: 3.01k

part 1

_______________________________________________

“I wish I fathered the child,” Spencer starts, JJ can feel her heart tighten, “Because you and I deserve each other, don’t we?”

Cat smirks, “You’re much better at lying now than you were last time at the restaurant, bravo. Better keep the performance up when you have to go explain yourself to your girlfriend later.”

Spencer’s face steels up and he’s trying his damndest to keep his composure, knowing the only way to get the location of his mother is to let Cat think she won the game. But with every mention of you that falls from her poisoned lips, he feels the burn sinking further into his skin when he thinks about what could be going through your head right now.

“Even if you think I’m lying,” Spencer stares at her, trying to push down any emotion on his face, “That’s the secret right?”

Cat is taken aback by his words, almost looking offended and triumphant all together.

JJ watches her eyes well up and dial Lindsey to give her the go signal, when Lindsey learns at the hands of the rest of the team her one sided lover was pregnant with another man’s child, she devastatingly surrenders the bomb controls and Diana Reid.

Spencer slackens knowing his mother was safe with his team, but he’s unable to stop thinking about Cat’s accusation.

“How did you know?” He asks as the guard stands her up to put the handcuffs back on.

“About Maeve?” 

He nods.

“At the restaurant, you were talking about a fake wife,” The guard walks her over to the door where she passes Spencer, only inches apart, “The ring may have been fake, but the way you spoke about her told me that she was real. And I’ve got eyes everywhere, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’re different now than when you were with her.”

She pauses then chuckles, “But clearly this genius couldn’t figure it out.”

He feels the temperature rising again but JJ preemptively grabs his forearm before he has a chance to react, “The team has your mom, we’ll go meet them at the BAU.”

Spencer nods curtly and storms out of the room without a second glance at Cat.

————

The elevator doors open and he’s met with the relieving sight of his mother, safe and sound. He embraces her in a big hug while the team dissipates around them giving them a moment. Spencer holds onto his mother for some time, letting his emotions come to surface. The last 24 hours have been the most tumultuous he’s ever experienced—almost dying in prison, getting released, the kidnapping of his mother, and the most wrenching of all, you.

He can’t help but grip onto her like a baby bird refusing to fly. He’s been someone who’s had to grow up way faster than anyone expected, academically and mentally, in order to care for the people in his life when they weren’t able to themselves. It’s led him to questionable decisions with detrimental repercussions, but he’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant they’d be okay.

Diana pulls away first and wipes the tears from Spencer’s eyes, “Can we go home?” He nods tearfully and pulls his keys out, walking to the elevator to go down to the parking lot. As they’re going down he feels the adrenaline dying down and the reality sink in. He has no idea how he’s gonna fix this—if he can even fix this.

In a taunt from the universe, he hears a text come through on his phone, from you, of course.

You should spend time with your mom and make sure she’s okay. I’m staying at Penelope’s for some time. We can talk later.

He sighs and shuts his phone off, slipping it back into his pocket. You were right, it had been a textbook definition insane 24 hours in his life, and he knew he needed to spend time with his mother in getting her resituated.

——

You and Spencer spent five days apart. Neither of you went into work, for obvious reasons, and all you could do was rot on Penny’s couch, barely eating or drinking enough water, hyper analyzing every intimate moment of your relationship with Spencer to find any clue that he wasn’t fully present with you.

Penelope would come home after her day at the office, bringing you food from your favorite takeout place just the way you like, the way only Spencer knew, and sit with you while you cried.

It nearly killed her seeing you so down, her dear friend who she cared for so much and wished desperately to take away all your suffering. But the empath in her knows that if she’s feeling this bad, she can’t even imagine how Spencer must feel.

She sits with you for twenty minutes in silence, your head in her lap as she strokes your hair before speaking up, “So um, he was able to put his mom back into a sanitarium. With a vetted full time nurse who said he’d get hourly updates from.”

“That’s great, Penny.” you mumble apathetically. A small part of you felt bad, despite what was going on between you and Spencer, Diana was also collateral in a whole different way. You were grateful that she could find some sense of normalcy after all that’s happened. You wondered if that could be you, receiving solace and safety from someone you were supposed to trust.

“He won’t stop asking, sweetie.”

You sigh, “I know, I’m sorry he keeps bugging you.”

She waves you off, “It’s not that. I—I don’t know how to fix this. You guys are my bestest friends, a—and to see Spencer go through wh—what he went through, and then seeing you after what he d—did.” she sniffled.

“Penelope—“

“I’m not trying to be selfish, I swear! I have big emotions you know this. I won’t tell you what to do or what I think you should, because honestly sweetheart I don’t know either,” she tears up more, “But I will tell you the facts, because like that dummy boy, fact dumping reassures me of what’s real. And I need you to remember that when your brain is trying to trick you otherwise.”

You start crying again seeing her all emotional and she puts a hand up, “Let me finish first, or you don’t get the donut I got you.” She laughs tearfully.

You match her laugh and let her continue.

“I only have one fact for you, and you might not like it but it’s the truth, no matter what you think.” she starts, “That boy loves you. Like he would petition the Oxford dictionary to put you under the definition of love, loves you.”

“But—“

“But two things can exist. He loves you dearly, but what he did was fucked up. How you feel is extremely valid. God, my love, I can’t even imagine how you feel. But if and when you go talk to him I just need you to remember that. Okay?”

You sit silently next to her, contemplating everything your brain has been computing the last five days. The spirals, the what ifs, the self doubt—you know logically you won’t get any clarity unless you face your fear, and accept that whatever happens is your predetermined fate.

“Okay.”

“I love you so much. I am always in your corner, and if it comes to it, I know his social.”

“Penny!”

“I’m just saying!” she laughs, “You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you need to, okay?”

You lean forward to hug her, “Thanks.” you mumble. She squeezes you and rubs your back affectionately.

You end up finishing out the week in Penelope’s apartment, using Sunday to deliberate your plan of attack for when you finally see him again. All the questions, insults, and doubt are written down in your notes app to help you organize your thoughts. But there’s no real organization, because what category does this even fall into?

You text Spencer a couple hours before that you’d be willing to talk to him now if he was free, and not even a second later he replies telling you to come over whenever.

The walk to his apartment feels like edging closer to the end of a plank that you willingly got on. The dread presses on you heavier and heavier with every step, and soon enough you’re standing at his door with a boulder on your shoulders.

The soft knocks echo through Spencer’s barren living room, and his head snaps to the door. He’s not sure if he’s mentally prepared for this, but he wipes his eyes and ruffles his hair stressfully and goes to open the door.

It’s like a truck hit him seeing you right in front of him, puffy red eyed and looking so defeated, nothing like the girl he knew.

“Hey,” Spencer breathes out.

“Hi, can I come in?” you reply.

Spencer stands aside to let you in, “Of course, yeah.”

You walk into his apartment, feeling a strange sensation wash over you. The familiarity of his bookshelves and antique chess boards provides you with a comfort you wish you had over the last week. But right now it feels like someone placed barbed wire over it all, enticing you to get closer lest you get hurt.

Spencer stands awkwardly in the door, watching you trek about his apartment before finding a seat on his leather couch. He shuts the door and sits in the adjacent arm chair, not knowing if you’d be okay with him even sitting on the same couch as you.

You clear your throat, “How’s your mom?”

“She’s good, she’s settled in the sanitarium.” he says with a slight tone of relief you knew he hadn’t had in weeks.

“Good, good,” you trail off and avoid his eyes, “Um, so obviously, I came because we need to…talk.” Spencer nods and waits for you to continue.

“I don’t even know how to start. But, I am hurt. I don’t know how to process this, or even get to the root of this.”

“Cat was lying.”

“No, she wasn’t.”

He furrows his brows, “Yes, she was. She lies about everything, that’s her game.”

You avoid his eyes, “No Spencer, that’s just what you want to tell yourself.”

“Baby—“

“You don’t get to call me that right now.”

That hits him bad. He takes a moment to take in your appearance, how you’re picking at your skin, repeatedly brushing your fingers through your hair and picking the strands that fall out. You’re trying so hard to be brave, he can tell. It breaks his heart.

“How am I supposed to convince you I’m telling the truth when you won’t even look at me?” he says with a slight edge of annoyance.

“You don’t get to be upset, Spencer! Don’t give me that crap—“

“I’m not upset, I just want to fix this! Maeve is gone, as far as it goes she might as well be an ex-girlfriend. The same way that I don’t get worked up over your ex boyfriends.”

“That is not nearly the same thing. You didn’t get to see her, Spencer. She didn’t even get a chance to be your girlfriend,” you huff, Spencer’s eyes start welling up as your voice lowers, “How am I supposed to believe that you still love me, when you’re thinking of another woman when you’re with me?”

Whatever color was left in his face has drained out of his feet, the swirl of emotions bombarding him senselessly. 

He’s upset, he’s mad, embarrassed, tired, shameful. He’s feeling hopeless, he wants to just drag you to his sock drawer where that little box sits and show you exactly how serious he is about his love for you. But he knows that would be a cop out, and you wouldn’t believe him. He wouldn’t believe himself either.

“Do you think we’re the same?” you ask, pulling him out of his thoughts. You’ve stood up and started pacing the living room, unable to sit still.

“No! God no, you are so much more than she ever was.”

“Are you just saying that because I’m sitting in front of you, alive?”

He’s taken aback by your bluntness. You’re nearing the end of your resolve, and truth be told, you’re just mad at this point.

“Every time we’ve kissed, we’ve been in bed together, anytime you’ve shown any affection towards me, you were thinking of that…that bitch.” you spit out with venom.

Spencer snaps his head at you without missing a beat, “Don’t call her that.”

Your face drops, “Or what?”

He doesn’t say a word.

Calling a dead woman a bitch is beyond any morals you’d set for yourself, but this situation is one you could have never predicted. Doubling down you step closer, “I called Maeve a bitch, Spencer. And I meant it. Now what are you going to do?”

Spencer swallows grimly, “You can be pissed at me all you want but there’s no need to act…irrational over past things.”

“My boyfriend is thinking of his dead ex girlfriend when he’s fucking me! I don’t know what part of this you expect me to act rational about!” you scream.

He flinches at your raised voice, knowing you were completely valid. Spencer hates that he feels he deserves pity right now, that he can’t help how the grief manifested in him and confused itself with the love he has for you. He loved Maeve, past tense, or maybe he loved the idea of her considering he never got the chance to actually prove it. 

He loves you. Loves—present term. And he has the chance to prove it every single day.

Yet, he still fucked up.

He stands up, “I don’t…think about her when you and I are doing anything. I swear.” he pleads blankly.

“Bullshit.”

He breathes out, “Sweetheart…I don’t know how to prove this to you. I love you, always you.”

You hardened your face despite your heart clenching, “Cat wouldn’t use that against you if she knew it wouldn’t work.”

Spencer’s face drops. He knows you’re right, Cat even told him the evidence that proves it.

A full three minutes of silence pass by before Spencer decides to speak up.

“It happened one time.”

Your glass heart shatters, “…When?”

“When we went to New York for that weekend between cases.” he recounts reluctantly, “It just slipped into my mind a—and I didn’t realize it at first. But once I did I asked you to stop immediately.”

Tears are free falling down your face, “Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you asked me to stop?”

“No—no it’s just me telling you what happened…It was…around the time of the anniversary of that day. So it was in my brain, and I guess it just…” he trails off.

“It just made you want to fuck Maeve?”

Spencer rubs his face with stress, “No, it didn’t. It made me realize that what I couldn’t have with her, I have with you and it’s a billion times better than I could have imagined.”

Your heavy breathes fill the room, and Spencer takes a daring step closer to you.

“I’m sorry, angel. I really am truly sorry. But I love you. I love you more than anything. I fucked up and I should have been honest with you. I’m sorry.”

For Maeve, for Mexico, for not being able to prove that you are the most important person in the world to me.

A soft whine escapes your throat, Spencer feels his heart shatter now, joining the scattered pieces of yours on the floor.

“I—I want to believe you Spencer, I really do,” you sniffle.

He feels the smallest glimmer of hope as you continue, “I don’t know how to move forward from this, I don’t know if I can.”

“I’ll prove it to you, I swear. I’ll spend every day proving that I love you, and showing you that you deserve the world and that I’ll try my hardest to give it to you,” he swallows and takes a deep breath before continuing, “Things like this don’t happen to me, people like you don’t happen to me. You are once in a lifetime. I don’t deserve any chances from you, but I promise to spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me.” Spencer finishes with a tear rolling down his cheek.

A hiccuped sob escapes you and Spencer really wants to come closer and comfort you, but knows that that is quite literally the last thing you need right now. You angrily wipe at your face, battling your conflicting feelings on what the fuck is the right thing to do for you.

You realize that the truly sad part of all of this, is that you still love him. No betrayal could ever sway how you feel about him you think, and this seems to be the biggest one you can think of.

“I feel used, Spencer. Like I was a placeholder for something you didn’t even know you wanted.”

He pleads your name, “Never ever in my life have you been a placeholder for anything.”

“Well, at that moment in New York, I was.”

He shuts his mouth and bows his head like a cornered dog.

“I just want to feel like it’s me that you want,” you whisper to no one, “I just want to be enough. Why can’t it be me, Spencer?”

“It is you, it’s always you angel.”

You take a deep breath and let out, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” and you turn to walk out the door.

Spencer is left on the other side of the closing door, the shut of it echoing throughout his empty apartment. He pulls his phone out to text Penelope to expect you, and then drops on his couch.

Spencer knows many things, and while he has had his stupider moments, with all the certainty and truth in the world you are the love of his life. He won’t go down without a fight for you, because he’d always fight for you. Especially when you’re the one fighting him, he will always fight for you.

[charliedawn]

Hi Charlie, I like your stories, they are good and inspiring. I wanted to ask you without disturbing how slashers react with a female reader who can go back in time like Max in Life is Strange.

To see a loved one die is the most painful feeling in the world. As a time traveller, you had had your share of misadventures and you always tried to do your best. But…Then you had to go through the loss of someone you never thought you had to save. And it hurt to see how you could as easily lose a slasher as you could lose anyone else.

Jason Voorhees:

Jason was simply protecting you. He protected you as some of the campers shot at you both. He used his body as a shield and held you in his arms until it was over and he died in your arms. You looked at his body and your eyes filled with tears and you let out a gut-wrenching scream as pain overwhelmed you.

You then came back in time and tried—again and again. You wanted him to stay alive. You wanted him to stay. And you tried every possible outcome and everything that you could think of. Hoping that you would find the right ending.

Bo Sinclair:

Bo was hurt badly and he knew he didn’t have much time to live. He looked at you and smiled—trying to reassure you.

"Hey, darls’…Seems like it is the end of the road for this handsome mech’, huh ?" He tried to joke, but you felt your heart clench.

You hugged him tightly.

"No…No, Bo. It’s okay. You will be okay." You sobbed and Bo smiled before kissing your forehead. He then pressed his forehead against yours as he felt his eyes slowly close.

"Tell Vince and Lessy that…for what it’s worth…I was and am proud of ‘em. I was so damn proud of being their big bro—to the end."

Before you could reply, Bo fell back on the floor.

You screamed and shook him, but no matter how much you cried and called out his name, he was gone. Hence, you had no choice but to go back. You tried again and again. It was hard seeing you fail and fail again to save him, but you had to keep trying, keep fighting…for him and for his brothers who you knew needed him just as much as he needed them.

Freddy Krueger:

Freddy sputtered blood and forced himself to smile at you. Funny. He thought he would never die—especially not for something good. But here you were, something good that he had tried to protect. And even though he was dying, Freddy was happy he got to see you one last time.

"It’s over, sweetheart. Freddy’s gotta go now." Freddy said, but you shook your head.

"I can’t. I won’t. You’re too stubborn to die, Freddy."

Freddy laughed at your words. In normal circumstances, he would have agreed, but not this time. He could feel death coming. He would go back to hell—he had avoided it long enough. He smiled and blood ran down his chin as he cupped your cheek.

"Don’t be sad, sweetheart…I will be joining old friends now."

You sobbed and hugged him tightly. When he breathed out one last time and you could see that he was really gone, you lowered his head gently on the floor before standing up and closing your eyes. Return…Turn back…You had to turn back.

Norman Bates:

You had received a call from Norman. He wanted to see you. You didn’t know why until you arrived and found a lot of dead soldiers at the door.

"Norman ? Norman !" You called for him and ran in a hurry—your heart hammering in your chest.

You searched for him everywhere until you finally found him in the back of the motel. He was holding his side where you could see blood tainting his white shirt. He turned towards you and smiled.

"Bravo, my little monster. You found me."

Your breath hitched and you quickly ran to him—your phone already out to call for help, but he stopped you. He smiled sadly and held you in his arms.

"My darling…In all those years, you are the only one who was never afraid of me. You are the only one who ever truly cared for me. I am sorry to be leaving you this way, but know that I love you, Y/N. And if my time has come, then I am happy I will be spending my last moments with you."

You sobbed against his shoulder.

"Don’t leave me…Norman."

Norman didn’t answer. You looked at him and saw that his eyes were closed. There was no more life left in him and you cried harder—the world shifting around you. You needed to find a way to save him…

Michael Myers:

"It’s…okay." Michael whispered to you as you were sobbing against his chest. He knew that the day would come when even the boogeyman would have to die…He had expected it, wished it even. But he hadn’t expected someone who would actually miss him—and yet here you were.

He looked around him at all the other slashers surrounding him. He smiled. He hadn’t expected a family, he hadn’t expected people to be there for his departure from this world…And yet, here they all were. The people he had learnt to care about and love.

They were safe. They were all safe. That was all that mattered.

And even if he wasn’t to live through the night, he was happy to know that there would be people who would remember him fondly. He thought before his hand fell to the ground.

The other slashers were all affected by the loss.

Michael was…their friend. Some slashers cried (Jason and Brahms), some remained silent (Freddy and Norman), some didn’t even know how to react because they thought that slashers were immortal (Penny and Pennywise). But all felt genuine anger and grief at the loss of the…greatest of them all. It wasn’t the death of a man, it was the death of a legend.

You looked at Michael’s face and knew that you had to do something…Hence, you looked at the other slashers and promised to bring Michael back before turning back the clock.

Pennywise:

Pennywise was alone. He had stayed behind to protect you and his brother from the Losers’ club. He stood before the door of the hospital and heard you scream from one of the windows.

"Pennywise ! No ! Don’t do this ! Please ! Come back inside !" You were crying and Pennywise turned back towards you with a small smile.

"Don’t you worry, doll. I am immortal, remember ?"

But then, he turned back towards the Losers’ Club and opened his arms wide.

"Come at me, you bunch of losers ! Let me see what you got !"

He didn’t expect it when all the losers aimed at him and started shooting silver bullets. It only occurred to him when he felt the pain and blood ran down his chin. He screamed in pain and revealed his true form before lurching at his old enemies to rip them apart—he got to one of them but he couldn’t get to all of them in time as they kept shooting at him. He felt the bullets piercing his flesh and burning his insides. He started crawling towards the door when Penny suddenly jumped from the window you were both looking at the massacre from and picked up his brother before jumping back inside the building.

Penny laid Pennywise down on the floor who let out heartbreaking dying sounds as you tried to help him…but there were too many bullets and everyone in the room knew that he was too injured. Pennywise was panting and you took his gloved hand in yours.

"Pennywise…Please. Stay." You sobbed and Pennywise chuckled before caressing your cheek.

"…Sorry, kid. Seems like I can’t stay this time around." He looked at Penny who seemed just as devastated as you. "But, take care of that big dummy for me, okay ?"

You nodded and Pennywise smiled before exhaling his last breath—his hand still in yours. Penny let out a loud scream as he knew that his brother was gone…He then glared outside and before you could stop him, he jumped out to fight the losers.

Meanwhile, you stood up shakily and rewind time to stop this fight…

Penny:

Penny was captured by the Losers’ club and when he saw the ancient silver spear…he knew that his time was up. They threw him on his knees and Penny cackled as he saw little Bevy Marsh walk forward with the spear in hand. How fitting that it would be her.

"~Sweet sweet Bevy…" He murmured and he couldn’t stop laughing. He didn’t know why he laughed. Maybe because he had lost the ability to cry long ago…As Bevy was about to pierce his heart, he heard one loud scream and looked up to see your horrified expression as you knew what was about to happen.

Penny forced himself to smile reassuringly at you. Pennywise was already dead, he would join him and his daughter wherever they were…He closed his eyes and Beverly used the spear to kill him under your tearful eyes.

"Noooo !" You screamed. And then, time seemed to slow before rewinding. You had to stop this…all of this.

Arthur Fleck:

You found Arthur on the floor of your apartment, covered in blood. You immediately knelt beside him.

"No ! Arthur ! What happened ?!"

Arthur chuckled.

"I spent so many years…so many years…trying to find my way. Avoiding death. It is quite fitting that I would die by the hands of the bat, as we all knew it would happen. It was him or me."

You cried as you tried to stop the blood from flowing.

"No. Stop talking. Please, Arthur. Stay with me. I’ll call the hospital, they’ll soon be here. Just…hold on. Hold on for me."

Arthur shook his head and smiled at you.

"It’s okay, sweetie. It’s too late." He ran his knuckles on your cheek. "I wish…I wish we had met before the world turned me into a monster. Maybe with you, I would have turned into a saint instead ? That would have been quite funny…wouldn’t you agree ?"

He then took his last breath—his eyes becoming wide and glassy. You hugged him tightly and screamed—time rewinding as you did.

[pennyserenade]

PEDRO PASCAL MASTERLIST.

( spotify playlist ) 

one shots:

woman taken by the wind ( e )

desire is a delicious thing.

foreigner’s god ( e )

screaming the name of a foreigner’s god, the purest expression of grief - hozier

( spotify playlist )

one shots:

take me where your heart is  ( e )

even in a big world, there’s not much else to do but be fascinated with one another.

flesh & blood ( e )

javier peña has never been the best at deciding what’s good for anyone but sometimes, just sometimes, he can figure it out for himself

i remember you well ( e )

there are memories that haunt and there are memories that merely linger; what they were that one summer is the latter to Javier.

life could be a dream ( e )

to outrun being human is not sensible. its their constant state of being and something that they are reminded with frequency. so, they’ve stopped trying at that. instead, javier and this woman have decided to embrace the pain of being human together. its a wicked game, sure, but no worse than realizing separately that they are one lonely drop in a big ocean.

series: 

scenes from a marriage ( finished ) ( e )

javier peña is a dea agent naively navigating his way through life in colombia. as if life is not complicated or risky enough while he partakes in the search for the infamous pablo escobar, javier has decidedly fallen in love. these are the scenes from his marriage, full of trials and tribulations, set in colombia, circa 1979–1993. anthology series, but definitely better if read in order.

drabbles:

time of the season ask ( m )

( spotify playlist )

one shots:

ungodly hour ( m )

‘til the cows come home ( e )

jack daniels is the sort of man lucky enough to happen upon beautiful women’s windows, and she is the sort of woman unfortunate to want men who do that. it’s been working beautifully ever since he did.

series:

his girl friday ( on-going ) ( e )

when agent jack daniels discovers that his partner alicia fitzgerald (better known as pinkie to jack, because of her preference for pink champagne) is to be married, he decides he must do his very best to save her from the life of the mundane. 

( spotify playlist )

series:

losing dogs ( on-going ) ( e )

frankie morales knows he isn’t the most perfect man, but he’s found someone who cares for him despite it. a friend. a lover. this is a collection of one shots about the same couple, but they can all be read separately.

( spotify playlist )

one shots:

it’s never over ( m )

dieter asks you to go to the opening night of his play and you do. for this he rewards you handsomely.

only backwards ( e )

it has been 6 months since you last heard from dieter bravo. this time he comes back to you with a black eye and he asks for too much. it is just like always.

you can(t) always get what you want ( e )

your relationship with dieter (albeit the very loose definition of the term) has finally landed you in the tabloids. he attempts to make it up to you 

three’s company ( e ) 

the world is slowly descending into madness all around you, so you decide to give in and go with dieter to his latest poor decision: a franchise movie filming in england. one night while there, you both sweep another into this odd half-hearted, life-long tryst you've got.

the hollywood hedonist method ( e )\

dieter's movie is bad and he looks to you for a quick fix to a long problem.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Week 3 (Cha Cha Part 2)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble. 

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 17.6k

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

👉 Chapter Warnings: Dieter being Dieter. Gratuitous use of the "f" word and talk about Dieter’s member. Cat and Plant dad Dieter cuteness. Brief mentions of intimate partner violence (more protective Dieter).

Chapter Quote: “I think I just became the bitch of a seven pound menace.”

Dieter’s POV

This week had been a fucking roller coaster. It started off with a bizarre production meeting with Stacia and Joe. I couldn’t believe they asked Kat and me to be flirty for the cameras, knowing she was engaged to someone else who is part of the cast. It was beyond inappropriate. Honestly, it pissed me off and I wasn’t OK with it. I didn’t like the position it would put her in. 

They hadn’t been wrong about Kat standing out during the group performance. It was obvious to anyone who had eyes and I honestly felt proud of her. After the way Stacia had acted when I requested Kat as my partner, like she wasn’t that great of a dancer, it was almost like a big ‘fuck you’ to her. I loved every second of it and was feeling a little smug as they talked about putting Kat in the spotlight. It took everything in me not to rub it in.

The lunch with Kat that followed was an interesting experience. We really hadn’t got to spend a lot of time talking about things other than dancing up to this point. The lunch was a welcome break to have other conversations. I appreciated that she seemed interested in my hobbies. My plant hobby wasn’t something that I really got to discuss with people, so it was refreshing. I also got to learn about her plans for opening a dance studio after this season ends. I could tell she wasn’t looking forward to giving up competitions, but she seemed legitimately excited about her next steps. I was excited for her, and honestly, I couldn’t wait to see what she came up with. I knew whatever she did would be amazing.

During our first rehearsal for the Cha Cha, I found myself spiraling. Especially when we started putting the dance together. I knew the Latin dances had more of a flirty and sexual feel to them and I tried to mentally prepare myself for that ahead of time. However, I was not prepared for the way Kat was moving her hips, especially when she was doing it with her backside essentially rubbing up against my dick. When I told her I didn’t want to make an ass of myself, I was referring to the fact that it was taking everything in me to keep little bravo from standing at full attention and poking her from behind. I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t relax. It was literal torture. I was obviously going to have to figure out how to deal with that or we were going to have a problem going forward. I’m not even sure how I made it through rehearsals that day. 

I was shocked when a text from Kat popped up on my phone later that evening. I was even more shocked when she said we were going to a Latin dance club. I tried to play it off with jokes, but internally I was falling apart. I spent the evening standing in my closet staring at my clothes. I had no fucking clue what to wear to a Latin dance club. I ended up texting my stylist around 10:30 PM, begging her to tell me what to wear. I was relieved when she said she would have a few things sent over the next day.

I had an appointment with my therapist very early the next morning. The first topic of the day was how things were going with Kat. I lied through my teeth, wanting to change the subject. I was not ready to unpack my feelings for Kat with Dr. Smith. Mostly because I was afraid of what she would have to say about it. I’m not sure Dr. Smith believed a word I said. She gave me a skeptical look when I changed the subject, but let me continue without coming back to that topic. I did notice her jotting down some notes though. I had a feeling it was going to come back to bite me later. I knew my feelings were wrong and that I shouldn’t be having them, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like it was out of my control at this point. I had tried so fucking hard to ignore it and I was still trying but failing. Some of it was physical, obviously, but the more time I spent with Kat the more I was drawn to her personality. I had never felt anything like this before and could not even begin to understand what it meant. I just wanted to pack it away and worry about it later. 

I had a photo shoot with some fancy men’s fashion magazine after that. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure which one. It was the last thing I wanted to be doing, but I needed any job I could get. I still had to prove that I had my shit together and could show up and work without issue. It was also part of rehabilitating my image. The new and improved stylish Dieter Bravo. People in Hollywood talked, so it was important that I was present mentally and physically for this. I did my best to smile and be engaged with everyone, but it all felt forced. However, everyone seemed happy with the final product, so I took that as a win. At least it kept my mind distracted from what Kat and I were doing later. 

When I got home, I found that my stylist had dropped off several items of clothing for our outing. I went with what looked the most comfortable. Luckily it was mostly light fabrics, so I wouldn’t burn up. I really only needed to change clothes since I had already showered, and my hair was styled from the shoot. That left me with an hour to do absolutely nothing except get myself worked up into a frenzy. The minutes were dragging on agonizingly slow, and my mind was already going to places that it shouldn’t be. I wondered what Kat would be wearing and if she was going to be moving the way she had been during rehearsals the day before. The thought of her rubbing up against me again was already making me hard. 

I paced around my bedroom, begging my dick to calm the fuck down. Nothing was working. The only resolution I could come up with was to take care of it. I had been avoiding doing this because every time, my thoughts would wander to Kat. I didn’t want to think about her that way, worried that it would open up a door that I was frantically trying to hold closed.

I huffed out a quiet “fuck it” under my breath before quickly undressing and grabbing a t-shirt off the floor that I had slept in and crawled onto the bed. I found a bottle of lube in the nightstand drawer and went for it. I didn’t even try to keep the thoughts of Kat away this time - the way she would bite her lip and look at me through her lashes, the way it felt when she touched me while we were dancing, the way her hips moved. I imagined how she would look moving her hips like that on top of me and how fucking amazing she would feel wrapped around me. That was all it took to send me over the edge. I felt like a fucking teenager who was unable to control his load with how fast I came into my dirty t-shirt over the mental image of her writhing on top of me.  

I laid there with my eyes closed for a few minutes, trying to come down from the high I was still riding, but the images and thoughts kept coming. I couldn’t stop them now. I wondered how she was when it came to sex. Would she prefer it to be slow and sensual or did she have a wild side? Something told me it was a little bit of both, and I was one hundred fucking percent on board with that. Within minutes, I was hard again. Jesus fucking Christ what is wrong with me? It had to be a new record because it never happened that quickly. Was it because I had been denying myself? Or was it because of Kat? Maybe both? 

I looked at the clock, realizing I had to leave in 30 minutes. I sighed loudly, aware that this little problem wasn’t going away on its own. It was already almost painful. So, I went for round two and hoped that it got whatever the fuck this was out of my system. 

Twenty minutes later I was a sweaty mess, standing in front of a fan trying to cool off after having one of the most intense orgasms I can recall having from masturbating. Then again, I had probably been too high in the past to remember the majority of them, so that didn’t say much. Once my heart rate calmed down, I moved to the bathroom and grabbed a towel to dry myself off some. I didn’t have time for a shower, so I threw on some more deodorant and cologne and hoped for the best. At least my hair still looked decent. 

I somehow made it to the dance studio a few minutes early. I sat in the car waiting for Kat. I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes, feeling strangely calm and focused. I hoped I could maintain this mood for the rest of the evening - the rest of the week even. I just needed time to desensitize myself to the intimacy and close proximity that we were being forced into this week. Once I did that, I would be able to handle anything. I had to. 

I was startled from my thoughts by Kat opening the passenger side door. She laughed loudly over my reaction and it was the most beautiful sound. I could listen to her laugh all day. Then I took in what she was wearing, a simple knee length black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen, and she wasn’t even showing that much skin. 

I appreciated that she thought to warn me about the bar during the drive to the club. Most people wouldn’t have considered that. I figured there would be alcohol and other substances floating around, but oddly enough, those things were not even on my radar. I wasn’t lying to her when I said it was a non-issue because I would be distracted. I just fibbed about what my distraction would be. My thoughts were only of her, and I knew they would be for the rest of the night. 

The club was as expected, the same as any other. Kat wasted no time pulling me onto the dance floor. I was hesitant at first, worried about the possible involuntary reactions my dick might decide to have. Any hesitation I had dissipated when Kat grabbed my face and forced me to focus on her. There was something familiar about the way she was looking at me that I couldn’t place as she urged me to become one with her and the music - to relax and trust her. It drew me in, igniting that connection that we shared. The connection that I had been fighting so hard this week. After that, I was surprised to find that my worries ended up being a non-issue. I had to laugh to myself, realizing the only thing I had been needing to do was beat little Bravo into submission, for tonight at least.

The longer we danced, the more at ease I became. It felt like we were just two friends having a good time together. It seemed a little flirty, but that was the general atmosphere, and it came with this type of dancing. I knew that and tried not to dwell on it much. When Kat broke away and suggested a water break, I noticed she had an odd look on her face. I wanted to ask if something was wrong, but decided not to, figuring she was probably just tired. She had been going all day after all. She offered to go grab us some bottles of water. She didn’t have to say it, but I knew she was making an effort to keep me away from the bar, which I appreciated. The last thing I needed was to be photographed near one.

I was surprised when a few fans approached and asked for pictures while I waited for Kat to return. In the past, I had been kind of an asshole to fans, and I knew it. So, I tried to make it a good experience for them. They seemed just excited to see Kat when she joined us. They had actually been fun to talk to and it ended up being a humbling reminder that they were the reason I had the life that I did. It made me appreciate my choice to get sober even more.  

Once Kat and I got back on the dance floor, I could feel something shifting between us. She had that familiar look on her face again and it was stirring something inside of me. After a few songs, it finally hit me. It was the same look she had in the video I had watched of her and Alec dancing. She never had it with any of her other partners from what I had seen. 

This realization sent my mind spiraling. Now that I had picked up on it, I couldn’t stop looking at her eyes. There was fire blazing in them as she looked back at me, but there was something else there too. Conflict? Confusion? The intensity of it only seemed to increase the longer we went on. I could feel the air crackling between us so strongly that it was making me dizzy. I was almost afraid to think about it, but my gut told me that she was feeling something for me too. 

When I playfully dipped her backward, I couldn’t help admiring her neck as her hair slid off it. For the first time, I dared to wonder what it would be like to kiss her there. As I pulled her upward, our eyes locked. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. She rested her forehead against mine as her hand gently caressed my cheek. I could feel her hot breath blowing over my lips as we lingered there. I really thought she was going to kiss me, until she suddenly turned to walk away. I didn’t want to let go, allowing my hands to trail down her body as she moved toward the edge of the dance floor. What the fuck just happened? 

And just like that, the spell was broken. When she turned back toward me, she was smiling, but her eyes were guarded, and the fire was nearly extinguished. It wasn’t completely gone though, I could still see it simmering under whatever composure she thought she had gained. I gave her a big smile, relishing my new discovery. 

I wasn’t surprised when she suggested we leave after that. The atmosphere of this place was chipping away at the thin wall that both of us had put up. If we stayed, that wall was going to crumble, fast. 

I didn’t hesitate to take her hand as she led us out of the club. I was having sort of a “fuck it” moment and throwing caution to the wind when it came to touching her. I wasn’t even sure if I could stop myself at this point. We took a minute to take some selfies with fans on our way out. I kept at least one hand on her throughout that. The whole ride back to the studio I did manage to restrain myself since I had no reason to touch her while I was driving. I wanted more than anything to take her hand or rest mine on her thigh. I was dumbfounded by this sudden urge. It wasn’t one that I had before. I usually shied away from any type of physical touch unless I was having sex with someone. Even then, it wasn’t affectionate. It was for pleasure. Affection just wasn’t something I had had a lot of in my life and it wasn’t something I ever wanted. Until now. 

When we got back to the studio and found Alec waiting outside, my stomach dropped. I had a really bad feeling about leaving Kat alone with him because he looked angry and a little inebriated. When she told me to go inside, I hesitated, but felt like I couldn’t just stand there. So, I went inside and got changed, realizing that I had left my sneakers in the car when I didn’t find them in my gym bag. At least I had a good excuse to go outside and make sure she was OK. 

As I walked out the front entrance, my eyes immediately sought Kat out. My gaze found her just as Alec shoved her against the wall, causing her head to smack against the brick. I didn’t hesitate to go to her and shove him out of the way. I had never wanted to cause harm to someone so much in my life. It was taking everything in me not to crush his fucking face in with my bare hands, but Kat came first, and I needed to make sure she was unharmed. I’m sure my attentiveness to her only pissed Alec off further, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to bow down to his ego anymore. 

I decided to try and diffuse the situation, for Kat’s sake, but that didn’t go as planned. I couldn’t say I was really surprised that Alec tried to hit me. I saw the look in his eyes and the way his hand balled up before he threw the punch. I was surprised by my reaction to it though. I’m pretty sure I closed my eyes as I flinched away from his fist, but somehow still managed to hit him pretty damn hard right in the nose. Hard enough that my hand was burning afterward. The satisfaction that I got from seeing his busted up face was well worth it. 

When Alec called out for Kat to leave with him, I could feel every muscle in my body tense. There was no way I was letting her go. I couldn’t. I would hit him again before I let that happen. I was relieved when he didn’t try to fight it and left without further issue. As soon as he was safely out of our vicinity, I pulled Kat into a tight hug. I needed to check her over again - make sure she was really OK. Of course, she brushed away my concern in place of her own as she looked over my hand. 

I realized she needed something else to focus on so that she didn’t fall apart. So, I let her take care of me. It didn’t stop me from looking her over again as she dug through the first aid kit. I could see her hands trembling as she rummaged around for supplies. Physically she seemed fine, but I knew her emotions were all over the place. I could tell she was in a fragile state, and it was breaking my heart. For the first time I noticed that this sweet and beautiful person was so fucking broken on the inside. She had done well to hide it, but the cracks were there, and I was finally seeing them. I wanted nothing more than to make her feel better and keep her safe. I wanted her to be mine and I wanted to take care of her the way she deserved. 

I knew it was a bad idea to put my feelings out into the world right now, so I didn’t. I did, however, want her to know that I was here for her and that I was willing to help in any way she needed. It was all I could offer, but it seemed to be enough. For now. Even though I didn’t tell her how I felt about her, I did share what I thought about Alec. I could only hope she would consider my words and make the right choice for her own well being. I had already decided that I would be there for her through it, no matter what, I just hoped she would let me.

I spent all night tossing and turning, worried about whether Kat was safe. She had texted that she got home safely and was locked in, but that didn’t do anything to relieve my anxiety. I was up before my alarm went off the next morning, in a rush to get to the studio just so I could lay eyes on her. Then I realized me getting there sooner didn’t mean she would get there sooner. I grabbed my phone, found her name in my contacts, and typed out a quick text. 

Me: Want me to pick you up some breakfast with your coffee? Muffin? Cheese Danish? Kit Kat? 😏

It was my sneaky ass way of making sure she was OK without asking. 

Kat: Again, I will never turn down food. Surprise me. No Kit Kats though. I’m banning them from the studio. 

I chuckled. It seemed like she was back to her normal snarky self. 

Me: ☹️☹️☹️

Kat: OK. Fine. Just don’t let me SEE you eating them. 

Kat: And Dieter…

Me: Yeah?

Kat: I’m OK. You could have just asked. Thank you though. 💜

Well, damn. She was onto me. Not that I minded. I kind of loved that she knew me well enough to know what I was up to. 

Me: I didn’t want to be annoying about it. I’m happy you’re OK though. I was worried. Maybe I’ll actually get some sleep tonight…I’ll see you soon.  

I hesitated before I hit send on that reply, but I wanted her to know how concerned I was and that I actually cared. At this point, I felt like I was mentally getting out a hammer and chisel, chipping away tiny pieces of wall between us. I wasn’t going to be able to keep all this in forever. Hell, before it’s over, I may end up busting through, Kool-Aid man style. 

Once I gathered everything I needed for the day, I headed to the coffee shop, getting there in record time. I got Kat’s usual coffee order and added a blueberry scone. I was antsy, wanting to get the studio as soon as possible. I still needed to see her, to be sure. I knew the tightness in my chest wasn’t going to go away until I did. 

I arrived at the studio twenty minutes early. I was surprised when I spotted Kat’s car in its usual spot. The space beside it was open, so I pulled in. Knowing it would be easier for me to keep an eye on things as we left later. My arms were full causing me to struggle to get inside the main entrance, but I managed without dropping anything. Kat laughed at my exasperated face once she noticed me trying to open the heavy studio doors. She ran over to help, giving me a warm smile as she took the drinks and food from my hands. 

Kat sat everything down on a few chairs at the back of the room. I followed behind, eyeing her. I was relieved to see that she did seem to be OK, that was until she reached up to tie her hair back. After she finished, the wide neck of her top slid off of her shoulder, revealing bruises. I could feel my jaw tightening as I reached out to touch them. 

Kat’s brow furrowed at my expression before looking down to where my fingertips softly grazed her discolored skin. She sighed, taking my hand in hers as she peered up at me, “I told you, I’m fine. I didn’t even notice it.” 

I shook my head, feeling the rage simmering, then pulled her into a tight hug. “Please tell me you’re done with him,” I said into the top of her hair. 

She hugged me around the waist, burying her face in my chest for a moment before she pulled back, inhaling a deep breath, “I had a ton of messages and missed calls from him when I got home last night. All full of apologies…he knows he fucked up.” 

I tensed, not liking how this sounded.

“I texted him back…not ending things, but I did ask for space. I have a lot to think about and I can’t do that with him talking at me.” 

I was hopeful that she would see what an asshole he was. She had to. She couldn’t continue like this.

“How are you feeling about things this morning?” I asked.

She gave me an apprehensive look.

“You know what, it’s not my business. I shouldn’t be asking.” I said before she could respond, suddenly feeling like I was prying. I didn’t want to do that. I moved to turn away from her, but then I felt her hand on my arm, “No, really…it’s OK. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Nobody knows about that side of him.”

She sighed, sat down, then ran her hands down her face. “Honestly, I’m just kind of numb. I really don’t feel anything. I should at least be angry, right? Is that bad?”

I sat down beside her. She reached for my injured hand and started rubbing her fingers over the knuckles with a lost look in her eyes. I watched her for a moment before I responded. 

“Honestly, I think maybe you feel that way because you're avoiding dealing with it. Compartmentalizing it maybe? But I get the feeling it’s reaching a point where you can’t do that anymore.”

She pursed her lips and nodded. “I think maybe you might be right.” 

Her eyes met mine with a sad smile on her lips, “The film crew will be here soon. I should try to cover this up. I don’t wanna give them gossip on a silver platter.” 

She turned and reached for her gym bag, pulling out a smaller pouch full of makeup. I watched as she dabbed green, yellow, and purple color correctors on my knuckles then covered it with concealer, finishing with a setting spray. The discoloration and bruising were hardly noticeable now. 

“Hopefully that will last long enough to get us through filming today. I’ll try to be careful and not rub it off while we’re dancing,” she said. Now turning her attention to the noticeable bruise on her shoulder. She started working to cover that as well, but struggled, not really able to see what she was doing. I reached out my hand, “Here, let me do that for you.” She sighed, but relented and handed me the color corrector palette she was holding. 

I could feel her eyes on my face as I worked. My cheeks heated under her gaze as my heart pounded away in my chest. The static was crackling between us again, causing a few more chips to fall away from the wall between us. The moment felt incredibly intimate, and it only made me crave more. Once I was finished, she quietly thanked me and packed everything away out of sight. 

We sat enjoying our coffee and breakfast as the camera crew started filing in with their equipment. A couple of the crew members got us mic'd up and started the interview right away while everything else was set up.  Of course, they had questions about the sightings of us at the Latin club. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. Luckily, Kat handled those questions perfectly. I know I would have stumbled my way through them in a way that probably would have raised some eyebrows. 

Overall, we were more relaxed during filming this week - actually laughing and having fun as we rehearsed. We had a moment where Kat accidentally kicked me in the shin while transitioning to a lift. I turned on the dramatics for it, whining and rubbing at the spot as if it had hurt badly. It really hadn’t, but I did enjoy getting her worked up over it. Once she realized I was messing with her, she lightly smacked my shoulder and called me a jerk before breaking into laughter. The crew got a good chuckle out of it, quickly catching onto my antics before Kat did. We pretty much had the routine down by the end of the day, which put us a little ahead of schedule. That took a lot of stress off us for the week, which I think helped with the playfulness between us. 

The day was over before we knew it.  Kat seemed to be in better spirits as she got into her car, smiling at me over the roof of it as she waved. Once she was safely on her way, I pulled out of the parking lot to head to the pet store…again. I had gone through several different brands of cat food over the last week. The Little Dude wasn’t having any of it. He only wanted Tuna. I found myself in the cat food aisle, staring at a wall of packages. They all looked the same to me. I sighed, feeling overwhelmed by the options and not knowing anything about cats. I finally settled on some meaty looking wet food and hoped for the best. 

As soon as I got home, I found Little Dude waiting outside the sliding glass door in the kitchen. He was on a schedule now and wasn’t going to let me forget about it. I opened the door, allowing him to come sashaying into the kitchen to sit next to the island. Waiting and watching as I scooped some of the new canned food out onto a plate and presented it to him. He stood and tentatively sniffed the chunks, then took a few nibbles but decided against it. He sat back down and looked up at me, whipping his tail around. 

“Still a no, huh?” I said to him. He meowed loudly back at me. I sighed heavily, “You know, considering you were on the streets not long ago, you’ve gotten awfully picky. I feel taken advantage of here…” 

He meowed again. I rolled my eyes as I moved toward the pantry for another pouch of tuna. I tried mixing some of the juice in with the food and gave it back to him. He still wouldn’t touch it. So, I added a few chunks of tuna as a topping. He ate the tuna and left the rest of it, before plopping himself down on his haunches and staring at me for more.

I chuckled to myself, “I think I just became the bitch of a seven pound menace. Fine, Dude. You win. Here’s your damn tuna. We need to get this figured out though. I’m sure you're not getting all your nutrients from that.”

He meowed up at me happily as I added more tuna to the plate. Once he had his fill, he walked over and jumped up on the couch making himself at home. I scoffed, “Dude, come on. You smell like something out of Pet Semetary.” He had the audacity to start wallowing around on his back. I rolled my eyes as I made my way to the linen closet, pulling out a spare blanket. After moving back to the couch, I opened up the blanket and fluffed it out next to him. He wasted no time settling in, purring and making biscuits with his paws. I gave him some scratches behind the ears as he dozed off. It was clear to me now, this cat was obviously trying to move in. With a heavy sigh, I realized that I needed to get some cat stuff for the house if this was going to be a thing, but I wasn’t even sure where to start with that. It was just another thing to worry about, but I sort of didn’t mind. He was definitely growing on me, making the house feel less empty and me less alone.  

Friday rehearsals went by in a blur. I arrived a few minutes early, finding Kat in the studio, ready to go. She seemed in good spirits as we joked through our morning coffee. Her twinkling laugh continued as we went through our stretch routine. I moaned and groaned through the torture while she bent my body to its limits, and I loved every fucking minute of it. I noticed that our new found comfort with each other had her leaning into me more. Her touches were more casual and relaxed. I couldn’t get enough of the feeling of her warmth against me or the brilliant smile on her face as she laughed at my ridiculousness. The hint of sadness that I noticed hidden in her eyes the last couple of days was nowhere in sight. 

Once we moved into the routine, the air between us felt like it was crackling again. Heated glances and small smiles passed between us as we made it through the entirety of the dance several times without error. We were so in tune with each other now, dancing in silence as one. Moving effortlessly through the steps without any thought or hesitation from either of us. The world fell away at that moment. We could have been in the midst of a war zone, and I wouldn’t have noticed. All I saw was her. There was no question about it now, I definitely had feelings for her that were more than just physical attraction. I couldn’t keep denying it to myself. 

Of course, Alec was technically still in the picture. Kat made a point to say that she hadn’t ended things with him. She had only asked for space. I was still determined not to put her in any type of compromising position. I had too much respect for her to do that, my own feelings be damned. I really needed to watch myself. 

After a few hours, we finally took a break. I lay sprawled out on the floor, staring up at her as she drank from her water bottle. I could see the sweat running down her neck, disappearing in the hidden space between her breasts. I had to force my eyes upward to her face before little Bravo decided to wake up against my wishes. 

When she finished, she turned to me, catching me staring. I didn’t even bother to look away. She gave me a shy smile as she sat down on the floor next to me. 

“So, what are you up to this evening? More plant daddy responsibilities?”

I snorted, “Plant daddy? That’s one I haven’t heard before.” 

Kat snickered before taking another sip of water. 

“No, actually I need to go to the pet store…hey, do you know anything about cats?”

Her brow furrowed, “Is this some kind of weird joke that I’m about to walk into?”

I chuckled, “No, I’m serious. I’m talking about the feline kind. I’ve had this stray show up at my house and he won’t fucking leave. Somehow that’s turned into him becoming a roommate. I’m having issues finding food he’ll eat though. I also don’t know what sort of cat stuff I need if I bring him inside like he seems to want to do.” 

She chuckled, a mischievous glint in her eye as she said, “So, you’re a cat daddy now, too?”

I shrugged with a smirk, “Yeah, I guess I’m trying to be.” 

She had a look on her face that I couldn’t decipher before breaking into a smile. 

“Yeah, I had cats growing up. They can be finicky and dramatic when it comes to food.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I’ve picked up on that...What should I do? Can you give me a list of stuff I need to get? I’ve never had a pet, so I have no idea where to start.” 

Her face softened, “You’re going to the pet store after you leave here?”

I nodded, curious what her tone meant. She paused before answering, seeming somewhat hesitant at first, “I could go with you if you want?”

I felt one side of my lips tug upward, “That would be amazing, actually.” 

Kat was true to her word. Once we finished rehearsal, she followed me to the pet store. Parking in the space next to mine and smiling as she exited her car. As she walked toward me, I realized it made me feel strangely giddy to be doing something like this with her. 

She hooked her arm with mine as we walked toward the entrance. I could feel warmth spreading in my chest at her casual touches. I had to fight the smile tugging at my lips.

“So, what is your fur child actually eating?” She asked. 

I grimaced, “Well, up until like a week or so ago, I assume whatever he could catch and kill. Honestly, he smells like something out of that Pet Semetary movie…which reminds me…have you ever given a cat a bath?” 

It was her turn to grimace, “Are you insane? Cats usually don’t like water. There are professionals that will do that for you, ya know?” 

I shook my head, “This kid is not used to people. I fear he wouldn’t be able to handle a grooming salon. At least not yet…”

She sighed, giving me a serious wide-eyed stare, “Fine, I’ll help you give the cat a bath…but if I die…I’m haunting your ass.” 

I belly laughed at her response as we entered the store, which seemed to draw some eyes toward us. I dropped my head and moved toward the first aisle as Kat got a shopping cart. 

“A cart, huh? How much of my money are you about to spend?”  

She chuckled, “Hey, I’m just making recommendations. You do what you will with them.” 

She pointed things out as we moved down the aisles, some of it just for fun, some of it was needed. I ended up splurging on a couple of robotic litter boxes and cat cave beds, bathing supplies, toys, a ridiculously massive cat tree, and a collar all before getting to the food. She was relentless with her teasing about my need to buy the most expensive thing on the shelf. I loved it when she teased me like this. It caused her eyes to light up in a way that made my heart race.

Once we got to the food aisle, she again asked what the cat was currently eating. 

“The only thing I’ve been successful with so far is Tuna. I’ve gotten several different kinds of cat food, and he just turns his nose up to them.” 

She stood staring down the aisle with too many options, scrunching up her nose before speaking again. “OK, so he likes fishy stuff. Have you tried dry food or wet food?”

She is too fucking adorable when she makes that face. My brows arched at her, “Both.” 

Her lips set into a line, “Did you try salmon flavored?”

I scoffed, “I’m pretty sure I tried every flavor they have. They were all a no.” 

Her brow furrowed as she looked up and down the aisle, thinking. Her eyes finally settled on a freezer at the far end, “Maybe he would prefer something a little fresher since he’s a hunter?”

My eyes widened, “I hope you don’t mean like…live rats or something. I’m not doing that.” 

She snorted, “Noooo. Ugh, no. I would never suggest that. I meant raw food.”

My eyes widened, “Ohhh. I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe…I’m willing to give it a try.” 

We made our way down to the freezer and she picked out a raw salmon food. It was small scoopable frozen nuggets full of organic ingredients. It honestly sounded better than the other stuff I had bought. At least I could pronounce everything on the label. I felt confident this might do the trick. It figures I would end up with a cat that had a taste for the fancy stuff. 

As we walked down the last couple of aisles, I circled back to the bath conversation, “Sooo, were you serious about helping give the Little Dude a bath?”

She nodded with a smirk, “Yes, I meant every word I said.” 

I chuckled, “You wanna come over tomorrow evening for that? I can get everything set up for him tonight. I’ll let him formally move in after he’s bathed.”

She made an annoyed face, “Tomorrow is spray tan day.”

I puffed air out through my cheeks. “I could get some of those long dish washing gloves, then we won’t get wet…and maybe protect us from being clawed to death too.”  

She snorted, “That sounds like a plan.” 

“I’ll make dinner. I have a feeling I’ll owe you by the time this is over...” 

One of her brows ticked upward, “I know I said I would never say no to food, but…you’re gonna cook?”

I placed my hand on my chest, feigning offense. “Excuse me? I happen to be a very good cook. It’s another new hobby I’ve picked up since rehab. My stuff is better than any five star restaurant.” 

The sound of her twinkling laugh filled my ears. “Riiiight. I’ll believe it when I see it,” she said between laughs. 

I rolled my eyes and gave her a playful smile, “Fine. Be prepared to stick your foot in your mouth.” 

Kat chuckled as we approached the checkout counter. We were surprised when the young lady behind the counter nervously asked if she could take a picture with us. We of course agreed and snapped a quick group selfie with the girl. We made small talk with her as she rang up my items. I explained how I had a new visitor show up and Kat was kind enough to show me what all I needed to buy, suddenly worried the girl might get the wrong idea about why we were there together. I had a feeling this would show up on social media at some point.

Kat helped me load everything into the back of my car before giving me a small smile and asking to let her know how the new food goes over with the Little Dude. I thanked her again with a cheesy grin before we both got into our vehicles and headed to our respective homes. 

It was a little after 9PM and I was deep into cat tree assembly when I received a text from Kat asking how dinner went. I pursed my lips as my fingers hovered over the keypad. Instead of typing out a message, I hit the video call button. I almost thought she was going to send me to voicemail, but she finally answered, her eyes wide as they jumped around the screen. It looked like she was lying in bed in a dimly lit room. Her hair fell around her face in damp waves, like maybe she had just showered. She looked beautiful. It took me a few seconds too long to find my voice.

“Hey, sorry, are you in bed?” I finally managed to sputter out. 

She smiled, “I’m in bed, but not sleeping. Just watching trashy TV and doom scrolling. How did the new food go?” 

I smiled at the screen, “Amazing. He devoured it…didn’t even hesitate.” 

She smiled back at me, “Good. Happy to hear it. What is he up to now?” 

I huffed out a laugh, “Laying at the end of the sectional, silently judging me over my struggles to put this damn cat tree together. I swear you have to be a fucking engineer to figure it out.”

I turned on the front camera of my phone to show her the cat, stretched out on his stinky blanket at the end of the couch as he gave me that judgy stare. She laughed loudly. 

“Oooh he’s pretty! He does look very judgy right now though.”

I switched the camera back to me, “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. Why are there so many parts?”

“Hey, you’re the one that had to get the biggest one they had in the store. Deal with the consequences. I told you that you should’ve just asked for the floor model that was already put together.” 

“Ummm, no. I wasn’t about to buy something that’s had a million grubby little hands on it and who knows what else. Dude only gets the best…brand new out of the box.” 

She rolled her eyes at me, “Did you try looking at the instructions? I know that’s hard for guys to do.” 

I scoffed and rattled the paper in front of the camera, “Umm…excuse me? I have been looking at the instructions and they’re garbage. Do you SEE this? It’s literally really bad drawings with no words. I can’t tell the pieces apart. It’s bullshit.”

She let out a loud laugh at my dramatics, covering her mouth with her hand to try and hold it back. I loved seeing her like this. A small part of me wondered what it would be like to lay in bed with her, laughing at trashy TV shows while we were wrapped up in each other under the covers. I shook my head slightly to clear that thought. 

“Is this your way of asking me to help you, without actually asking…out of fear of further judgment?”

I furrowed my brows and snorted, “I’m not afraid to ask. Judge me, I don’t care. I have no shame…but if you’re offering…” 

“Send me a picture of the instructions. I’ll hold your hand through it.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Oh yeah, thanks. You had to go and say it like that.” 

I did send her the instructions and we spent the next hour and a half on facetime putting the cat tree together. She had my full attention every time she would pull up the drawings to look at them. Her face would scrunch up in the most adorable way as she tried to figure out the next steps. The only thing that could have made the day more perfect is if she had been here with me in person. 

Once the tree was put together, we said goodnight. I noticed Kat lingered on the call for a moment before finally ending it. It caused my stomach to flip. I wished I knew what she was thinking. Is she feeling this too? Or am I just being delusional? 

After getting Dude settled in the garage for the evening, I finally crawled into bed. I laid there thinking about what I should cook for dinner. I didn’t want to do anything too over the top, but I did want to impress her. Then I moved on to picturing her in my house, in my space. Us in my space together. It was almost overwhelming. Realizing how badly I wanted that almost scared me. 

Sunday rehearsals flew by. We did the last of our fine tuning to the routine, running through it several times with the music track. We nailed it each time. The flirty aspect of the dance seemed to come to us easily now. There was no longer any lingering awkwardness between us. We were both comfortable and trusting of each other and having fun. 

We ended up leaving rehearsals a little early to get over to Television City Studios for the cast spray tanning session. We were hoping to get finished quicker by getting there before everyone else. I also felt like Kat was trying to avoid Alec too, which gave me a surge of excitement. It gave me hope that she was possibly thinking about ending things with him for good. 

After heading to our respective dressing rooms to get changed into our robes, we found each other again outside the large room used for the spray tan setup. To our surprise they were able to get us in quickly. Kat went in first, then they called me in several minutes later. After I was finished, I wandered back to my dressing room and changed into my gym shorts. I took a minute to dig around in my duffel bag for a t-shirt that I didn’t care for in case the spray tan rubbed off on it. There was no sense in ruining all of my shirts for this shit. 

There was a quiet knock on the door, I moved to unlock and open it, assuming it was Kat. She stood there, eyes racking over me with a smirk on her face. I gave her a quick smile as I turned my attention back to my bag, “I’m almost ready…just trying to find a shirt that I don’t care to mess up.”

She came in and leaned against the countertop of the vanity, “No problem, take your time.” She sounded amused. I glanced up at her, she had her arms crossed over her chest as she watched me with one brow raised. “Is something funny?” I asked. 

“Every time I come in here, you're half naked.” 

I found the shirt I was looking for and pulled it out, standing to my full height to face her, “If that’s the case, why do you keep coming in here then?”

Her face reddened, “Touché. You got me there.” 

I laughed, “Yeah, see how that works? I mean…it’s a dressing room. There’s bound to be various stages of undress happening. Don’t act so shocked. At least I have pants on this time.” 

She rolled her eyes before looking away. I moved to put my shirt on, purposely taking my time to pull it down over my head. Just as I yanked it down over my face, I caught her eyes shifting away from me. She was definitely checking me out. I could see it in the flush of her cheeks. Well, that's interesting. Maybe she was feeling the spark between us just as much as I am. It doesn’t matter, Bravo. She’s technically still taken. 

I turned to pile all of my junk back into my bag, pretending I hadn’t noticed her staring. She finally broke the silence, “So, what are you making me for dinner? I need to start preparing myself now if I’m to survive it.” 

I scoffed, “Come on. Give me some credit. You should know by now that I excel in all my extracurricular activities.”

Her eyes widened briefly, a small smirk playing on her lips, “I won’t believe it until I have firsthand experience as proof.”

Are we still talking about cooking? I felt like this conversation had a double meaning. I gave her a cocky grin, “Then prepare yourself for the most…pleasurable…food experience of your life.” 

She snorted out a laugh as she moved toward the door, “Right. We’ll see.” I grabbed my bag and followed behind her. Within minutes, I was in my car, driving toward my house with Kat following behind me. I tried not to think of what the evening held, but I knew I needed to behave myself. I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn’t cross any lines with her, no matter how badly I now realized I wanted to. 

A short time later, I was keying into my front door with Kat standing close behind me, taking in her surroundings. I was suddenly nervous for her to see my home. It made me feel naked in a different kind of way that I wasn’t prepared for. She would be seeing pieces of me that no one outside of my very small inner circle had. I would be opening myself up to her in a very raw and unfiltered way and I worried she wouldn’t like what she found.  

We were both quiet as she entered the living room. There was a small smile playing on her lips as she slowly walked around the space, running her hands over things as she went. Stopping to look at books and little knick-knacks I had sitting around from my travels. My stomach quickly rose to my throat when she focused on the paintings hanging on the walls. There were several duotone abstract pieces I had painted throughout my early days of recovery - visual representations of where I was emotionally at the time I painted them. I had hung them to remind myself of my progress. She spent a lot more time looking at these than anything else, raising her hand to touch the one closest to her.

“These are amazing,” she said quietly, almost to herself.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I watched her fingers drop down to the rounded DB initials in the bottom right corner. Her eyes suddenly widening as realization set in. She turned to me, her face now lit up in a way I had never seen. Her eyes were sparkling with wonder as she peered up at me. “Dieter…d-did you paint these?”

I nodded shyly. I couldn’t speak, afraid that my emotions would reveal themselves to her. It meant more to me than I expected that she liked them. Now realizing that her opinion was the only one that ever really mattered to me. 

She smiled, “Well…I guess you do seem to excel in your extracurriculars. I can’t wait to see what else you have up your sleeve.” 

I smirked at her, swiping my thumb across my lip before speaking. “Hmm, well…I’ll have your mouth watering within the hour. You wanna help me get started?”

One of her brows twitched upward, “I’d be happy to.” 

I led her to the kitchen and began pulling ingredients out of the refrigerator and pantry. She stood nearby, taking everything in. 

“I’m actually a little jealous of your kitchen. This is nice and so are all your gadgets.” 

I chuckled, “I do spend a lot of time in here. A fancy kitchen was one of my requirements when I moved.” 

She nodded, then pointed at the speaker on the counter. “Do you usually play music while you cook?” 

“Yeah, you wanna turn something on?”

“Sure, it’s almost too quiet in here. I like a little background noise.” 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up the music streaming app - hitting play on whatever playlist was already queued up. A soulful blues song started emitting from the speaker. Kat smiled and nodded in approval. I went back to pulling out the rest of the ingredients, piling everything that needed chopping near the cutting board on the island then grabbed two knives from the drawer. 

“Can you handle chopping the veggies? It’ll make this go a lot faster.” 

She nodded, then took one of the knives and got to work chopping the mushrooms that I sat in front of her. We worked side-by-side in silence for a few minutes. My mind wandered to thoughts of how domesticated this felt. I liked it…too much. 

My attention was suddenly drawn back to Kat as her hips started moving to the rhythm of the music. Fuck, that’s distracting. I placed my hand on the small of her back, causing her to pause and look up at me, “You’re gonna chop a finger off moving around like that.” 

The side of her lip tugged upward as she peered at me through her lashes, “Don’t worry…I’m a pro at my extracurriculars too. I can do a lotta things with my hands while my hips are moving.” 

I sucked in a sharp breath at her words, my mind started running through all the possibilities behind them and none of it was wholesome. I finally managed to choke out a laugh, before going back to chopping the celery I had started on. Kat continued moving to the music beside me, humming along with the chorus. Fucking hell, I’m gonna chop my own finger off if I don’t watch it. The next song started playing. I was too distracted by Kat’s rolling hips and my thoughts that I didn’t realize what it was until the chorus hit. 

Fuck me like you mean it / Make me believe it / Walk the wire, it's alright / Love me like you need it / 'Cause I can feel it / Take it higher, show me why

The knife in my hand clattered down onto the cutting board, I was slightly mortified.

Kat’s movements paused, “Well, I didn’t see that coming…that's a little dirty...” She snickered.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what song this was…. I’ll change it.”

Kat placed her hand on my forearm as I turned to grab my phone, “No, I actually kind of like his sound. Leave it.” 

Her hip movements continued as I switched to chopping the carrots and her the tomatoes. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take. I stood there willing my dick not to get hard. Luckily, I got through the carrots quickly, and took the opportunity to turn my back to her. Moving on to peel and cut an onion under the cold water from the faucet. Which is probably just as well, because another song by the same artist came on that was sending my mind straight to the gutter. It felt like a playlist straight from my debauched thoughts. 

Hypnotic lover taking over my mind / Your spell is binding, makes it so hard to fight / She twists her hips and keeps it coming all night / I can't control myself, that girl is so fine

Thankfully we finished with all the vegetable cutting soon after that. I moved on to preparing the pork and getting the frying pan and oil up to temperature. I was happy to have something that required my focus. Kat appeared, leaning against the counter next to the stove, watching me intently. 

“So, are you ever gonna tell me what you’re cooking?”

I smirked, “Pork cacciatore.” 

She gave me a deadpan stare, “You do know I’m a vegetarian, right?” 

I was briefly hit with a streak of panic, before I realized she was messing with me. She had eaten a steak burrito in front of me, twice. I let out a dramatic sigh then smiled, “I guess I’ll be eating alone then. Oh well, more for me.” 

She laughed as she playfully smacked my shoulder. I moved in front of her, placing my hand on her hip to scoot her out of the way as I reached above her head to get into the cabinet that housed all the spices. I muttered a quiet “excuse me” as I glanced down at her eyes that were looking up at me through her lashes. She didn’t really move. Instead, she stayed pinned between me and the counter. I could hear the faint sound of her breath hitching at my proximity. I smirked, then turned my attention back to the cabinet, pulling out the dried rosemary, oregano, and basil before finally removing my hand from her hip and stepping back to the stove. I could feel her eyes on me the entire time. 

As I started mixing in all the ingredients to simmer, she leaned down on her elbows and inhaled deeply, “Mmm…you were right. My mouth is watering. This smells amazing.”

I gave her a cocky smile, “I told you….and it tastes better than it smells. It’s like an orgasm for your taste buds.” 

Shit. I probably shouldn’t have said that. My mouth got ahead of my brain. Her tinkling laugh filled my ears, “That’s a lot of confidence you’ve got in your cooking skills, Bravo.”

I shrugged, “I promised you a pleasurable experience. I’m just delivering on my word.” 

Fucking hell, I’m being ridiculous and getting out of line. Reel it in, Bravo! 

She didn’t seem phased by my comments, if anything it felt like she was enjoying the banter. 

We soon sat down at the dinner table, which I couldn’t recall ever actually sitting at to eat. Kat proceeded to moan through several bites and gush about how delicious it was. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. It made me feel almost giddy that she enjoyed it. Our conversation flowed easily, as we talked about different things. Getting to know each other a little more and slowly chipping away at that imaginary wall that separated us. 

“I’m just gonna start coming over here for dinner every night. My cooking can’t compete with this,” she finally said with a joking tone as she scooped that last bite off her plate. 

I gave her a toothy grin, “I’ll cook for you anytime you want me to.”

She laughed, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

I laughed it off, but she had no idea how fucking serious I was. I would cook for her every night of forever if she’d let me. 

After several minutes of Kat fussing over helping with the dishes, I finally convinced her to let it be. I had a housekeeper that would take care of it in the morning, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal. We decided to take our chances by giving the Little Dude a bath after that. I led her out to the garage which was still a mess with boxes, but Dude didn’t seem to mind it. He had turned it into his own personal playground. 

I had set up everything we would need for a bath next to the utility sink so we could get right to it. Kat grabbed one of the towels and laid it out on the counter and got the brushes ready, saying we should brush out all the mats first. As she was explaining the steps we should take, Little Dude decided to make his presence known. He came strutting out from somewhere in his box fort to meow out me. He then proceeded to rub up against Kat’s legs. She giggled at him, bending down to pick him up.

“Ooof, he is rank,” she said through a chuckle. 

“I told you. I swear he rolled in something dead.” 

She grimaced, moving him away from her body to sit him on the counter. 

“He’s really pretty though. He seems young. Have you taken him to the vet yet?”

“Not yet. I’m working up to it. I didn’t wanna stress him out too much all at once…though…he seems strangely fine with everything. He’s the one that wants to move in,” I said - laughing quietly to myself over the absurdity of it. 

Kat began to look him over, “He has some pretty bad mats under his arms, we may have to cut those. Do you have scissors? They aren’t too close to the skin, so I think I can cut them easily enough.” 

“Uhh, yeah. I have a whole clipper kit with scissors. I’ll go get it.”

I ran to get the kit and was back within minutes to find Little Dude sprawled out on his back while Kat brushed at the hair on his stomach. He seemed to love the attention. I stood next to Kat, keeping him distracted with pets while she worked. She ended up cutting a lot of the mats out just to save time. After several minutes had passed, she turned to me, a concerned look on her face. 

“What? Is something wrong?” I asked. 

“I would say so. We have a major problem here.” 

My stomach was suddenly in my throat. My mind now conjuring up the worst things, “What is it?” 

She fought to hold back a laugh, “Dude is not a dude.” 

My brow furrowed, “What do you mean?”

She snorted, “There is no twig and berries down there. Dude is a Dudette.” 

“Seriously? You’re joking?” 

“Nope. Did you even check?” 

“Do you see how much hair she has? I was just guessing. I couldn’t tell. It makes sense why she wouldn’t leave though…chics do love me.” 

Kat snorted again, “Staaap. You’re so ridiculous.” 

I chuckled, “At least now I know why I was getting the judgy looks.” 

“Well, now you need to give her a proper name. Something cute…that is not Dudette.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll have to think about it. Damn.” 

After a brief pause to laugh about our discovery. We continued. Luckily the cat’s top half wasn’t as bad, so Kat made quick work of it. Then we took a minute to prepare ourselves for the chaos of the bath. Strategizing on the best way to handle it if she freaked out. It turns out, we didn’t even need to do that. The cat apparently loved water, which blew our minds. She sat still, enjoying the massage we gave her as we worked the shampoo into her fur. She nearly fell asleep as I used the spray head to rinse her, occasionally pointing the stream in Kat’s direction just to be obnoxious. After reminding me that we had just gotten a spray tan, I stopped. She said I wouldn’t be able to endure her wrath if I made her streaky. 

Once we got the Little Dudette clean and dry, I picked her up and brought her inside. I took a minute to show her where the litter boxes were, her beds, and her new cat tree. I sat her at the top of the cat tree, and she immediately began exploring it. Kat and I watched her for a few minutes, before Kat looked around the room.

“Hmmm…the plants could be an issue. I know some are poisonous to cats.”  

My eyes widened. I hadn’t even thought about that. Damn I already suck at this cat dad stuff.

Kat pulled out her phone and found a list of toxic plants and let me look over it. I sucked air through my teeth, then moved to pick up the Aloe plant sitting on the end table, “Sorry Barb. Looks like you’re gonna be banished to the art studio.”  I handed it to Kat, “Please hold Barb for a moment.” 

She started laughing at me. I turned to grab the Cutleaf Philodendron that was sitting in the dining room. “You’re out too, Cutlet,” I said as I picked up the medium sized tropical plant. 

“Follow me. We’ll put these away in another room.” 

As we made our way through the house, I grabbed another Aloe plant that was sitting on a bookshelf. “Sorry, you’re out too, Spike.” 

I could hear Kat snickering behind me as we ascended the stairs. Once we reached the door to my studio, I juggled the plants in my arms to turn the knob. I suddenly felt nervous for Kat to be in the space, but tried not to dwell on it as I pushed the door open with my foot. She followed me inside and set Barb down on the window sill next to Spike. I set Cutlet down on the desk. I’d have to find a spot for him later. 

I could tell Kat wanted to explore the room, but she held back, shyly looking down at the ground instead. I was sure she could sense this was an extremely personal space for me and didn’t want to intrude.  

“You can look around if you want.” I finally mustered up the courage to say. I trusted her enough to share this side of myself. Not many people got to see it. 

Her eyes lit up with excitement, “Are you sure? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” 

I nodded and gave her a small smile. Standing back to watch as she walked around the room looking at the various paintings leaned against the walls. Her eyes roamed over every surface, pausing to spend extra time on the sketches spread out on the tables and desk. 

I hadn’t spent any time in this room since rehearsals started. I hadn’t had the time, and when I did, I was too tired. However, I suddenly had that nagging need to. There were images swirling in my head that I needed to get out onto a canvas. I was shocked to find they were colorful shades of purple and blue with hints of magenta. There was no black in sight. I knew the cause of the shift, it was Kat. She was my new muse. Replacing the self-hatred and unhappiness with her light. I wanted to paint her dancing with the fire in her eyes. I wanted to sketch all of my favorite parts of her - her lips, her eyes, the curve of her hips. 

Seeing her in my home and how easily she could fit into my life was making me want things I never thought I would. I wanted her to be part of everything. My other half. I wanted to share my existence with her. Then reality set in. She still belongs to someone else, Bravo. Stop thinking like this. 

I shook my head to clear it as she looked my way with a smile. I tried to return it, but it didn’t reach my eyes. She walked toward me, “Dieter, all of this is amazing. I-I don’t have any words. You’re so talented.” 

My brow furrowed, I was suddenly feeling emotional. I murmured a quiet “thanks” to her as she turned to look around the room one last time before turning back to me, “Would you paint something…for me? I would love to have one.” 

I gave her a genuine smile now, “Of course. I think I already have an idea for something.” 

Our gazes locked for a moment, something unsaid lingering between us, but it passed. I motioned toward the door, “Well, would you like a tour of the rest of the place? I have a feeling you might enjoy my other sanctuary.”

She gave me a quizzical look, “Lead the way. You have me intrigued now.” 

I snickered as we walked into the hallway and closed the door behind us. I led Kat down the hall to the room where I did everything else - music, reading, writing. It really was my other sanctuary. It was a large open room with glass doors that opened to the balcony overlooking the ocean. The espresso colored hardwood was covered by a deep navy and maroon Persian area rug. Floor to ceiling shelves lined one cream colored wall, full of books and scripts. Two leather chairs sat in one corner with two acoustic guitars perched on stands between them. Several other guitars hung on the wall nearby. Another wall of shelves housed my record collection. The old record player stood next to it, connected to vintage floor speakers. An espresso colored wicker hanging chair with a white cushion hung from the ceiling in the corner near the record player. An extra large white furry beanbag sat nearby, with a few deep yellow throw pillows on it. There were plants everywhere - large potted ones sitting on the floor, vines hanging from the ceiling, small succulents scattered throughout the shelves. A small writing desk sat against the wall next to the balcony doors. The few open spaces on the wall were home to more of my paintings. The center of the room was completely open. Aside from my studio, it was my favorite place to be. 

When I opened the door and motioned for Kat to enter, her face shifted. A hint of a smile ghosted her lips as her eyes rounded and sparkled. She stood in the center of the room turning in a slow circle, taking in the space. 

“Dieter…you’re right. I love this. Everything about it is perfect.” 

She walked over to one of the paintings, an abstract sunset of black, deep blue, red, and yellow. It was a more recent one, not as dark as the ones downstairs. Her fingers grazed over the DB scrawled in the bottom corner. One side of her lip turned upward once she realized it was another one of my paintings. She turned, moving back toward the center of the room and spun around with her arms out.

“This room is huge…big enough we could rehearse in here.”

My teeth sunk into my bottom lip, biting back a smile. I loved that the thought had crossed her mind. That she wanted to be in this space with me. 

“We could. There’s a lot of open space. I left it like that so I could come in here and paint if I wanted. Depending on the time of day, the lighting can be better here than in the studio. Plus, I can open the doors and hear the ocean. It’s soothing.” 

She nodded, a pensive look on her face as she continued looking around the room. 

“I take it you probably didn’t expect all this, huh?” 

She shook her head as her brows pinched together, “No, honestly. I’m not sure what I expected, but strangely enough, I’m not surprised. I know you're not shallow and emotionless like the tabloids often make you out to be.” 

She was standing in front of me now, her eyes roaming my face. “I see you, Dieter. I know you feel things deeply…even if you don’t always admit to it. So, it doesn’t surprise me that this is how you spend your time. Us tortured souls have to get the feelings out somehow.”

I couldn’t breathe. The way she was looking at me literally took my breath away. I knew without a doubt that she meant what she said. She did understand me better than anyone ever had because we were the same in a lot of ways, but complete opposites in others. We balanced each other out and fit together in a way that filled in each other's gaps to make a whole. We were meant to find each other, I could feel it in my bones. If only she could see that and finally get rid of the disease in her life that was Alec. 

Kat’s face turned almost wistful as she stared at me for a beat. Finally turning away and moving toward the leather chairs in the corner and sitting down. She turned, eyeing the acoustic guitars sitting next to her. 

She pointed, “Are these for decoration or do you actually play?”

I shrugged, “I guess you can call it that…I had to learn for a role many years ago. It kind of stayed with me after that.” 

She raised a brow in my direction as her hand slid around the neck of the nearest instrument, “Do you mind…” she asked, pausing for my response. 

Curious where this was going, I shook my head. “No, I don’t. Have at it.” 

The way she handled it told me this was something she was familiar with. I could hear the blood pumping in my ears from excitement at the thought that she might play something. I shuffled over to sit in the seat next to her and picked up the other instrument as her fingers slid over the strings, like she was getting a feel for it. I bit back the anxious feeling that was forming in my chest and started plucking at the strings on the guitar I had just picked up. Playing chords for the first song that came to mind. 

Kat watched me for a moment. Her eyes narrowed at my hands, “I know this song…” 

I smiled up at her as she hummed along for a few seconds, trying to place it. She surprised me when she started to sing along.

She's the place I go / When there's nowhere left to run to / She's the one I hold / When there's no one to hold on to

I was awed by her. Her voice was amazing - soulful, velvety, and pure. She was so fucking beautiful it hurt. The moment caused something to swell inside of me, making me emotional. I had to take a deep breath to fight it back as I watched her place her fingers on the frets and start strumming along with me. She continued singing the chorus. Without thinking, I joined in, which elicited a brilliant smile from her. 

She's been with me late at night / When I was drowning in the dark / She heard my every word / When I was pouring out my heart / So I thank my lucky stars / For every crack, scratch, and scar on this guitar

Our voices harmonized together perfectly, causing goosebumps to break out across my body. I suddenly felt connected to her in a way that I hadn’t before. I picked up the next verse as she continued playing with me.

She's given me her best / When I am at my worst / When I can't find the pieces / Fingers scratching in the dirt / She offers no forgiveness / 'Cause she likes to make it hurt

Her eyes stayed on mine. I could see the fire blazing in them again. I couldn’t help smiling as the words passed through my lips. She returned it as she joined back in for the chorus. We finished the reminder of the song with a flourish, breaking into laughter when it was done. 

Once the laughter settled, I finally asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you played? And can sing for that matter?”

She shrugged, “It’s not really something I do a lot of anymore…Not since my dad passed. He taught me to play when I was younger…before things got bad with him. We picked it up again after he was sober.” 

A sad smile formed on her lips, “He had a few friends he would play with on the weekends…pickin' and grinnin' is what they called it. Just a bunch of friends and their families hanging out in someone's backyard, having fun. I learned a lot from them.”

I had a sudden urge to hug her, but then the sparkle from that damn engagement ring on her finger caught my attention for the first time that evening. It was a stark contrast against the black bout of the guitar, silently screaming a reminder that she was still with the asshole. It broke through the delusional thoughts that had started to swirl around in my head the last few minutes.

I cleared my throat, “Well, you’re really good. I didn’t see that coming.”

She gave me a genuine smile now, “You’re not so bad yourself. Still excelling in all areas apparently.” 

I had the sudden need to be away from her. I was feeling overwhelmed by my conflicting feelings. I glanced down at my watch, “Hmm…it’s getting late. We should probably call it a night. I don’t wanna be your excuse for being tired tomorrow.” I let out a nervous laugh. 

She looked at her watch, “Oh damn. Yeah, it is…and I still have a 30 minute drive home.” 

An awkward tension settled in the air as I placed the guitars back on their stands. We walked in silence down the stairs. Kat took a minute to give the kitty some scratches before collecting her purse and phone to leave. I asked her to let me know when she made it home as she leaned in for a side hug. 

“I will…and thanks for dinner. It was amazing.” 

When she pulled away, her hand lingered at my waist. She smiled before finally turning to walk toward her car. I kept an eye on her until she was locked inside and backing out of the driveway. This was getting to be too fucking hard. 

I sighed, walking through the house to turn everything off and lock up for the night. The cat followed behind me every step of the way. Once I got settled in the bed, I felt her jump onto the mattress. She tentatively walked over and climbed up on my chest, purring into my hand as I scratched behind her ears. 

“Maybe you're meant to be the only woman in my life. I should probably accept that and move on.” 

Her eyes drooped under my touch. A quiet meow squeaked out in response.  “I guess I should give you a proper name now, because Dude is not gonna cut it.” 

I thought for a minute. A plant name might be cute, right? “How about poppy? Ehh, no. That might raise some eyebrows given who your dad is. Let’s avoid drug references…”

I laughed to myself. It was so ridiculous that I had to think about stuff like that. 

“Hmm, how about Rosie? Na…that’s too girly. You’re kind of a bad ass critter catcher.”

She meowed loudly, almost like she was agreeing with me. I chuckled. “I’ve got it. Zinnia. Zee for short. That’s cool, right?”

She was asleep now. She could have cared less. “Zee it is. Zee my little warrior queen.” 

I got a text from Kat a few minutes later, letting me know she got home. I sent her a thumbs up emoji then set the phone on its docking station for the night. I somehow managed to drift off to sleep. 

I was woken up about ten minutes before my alarm went off by Zee, making biscuits in the crook of my arm and purring. I couldn’t even be upset about it because it was too fucking cute. This cat was already making me melt and had me wrapped around her paw. I nuzzled my face into her fur, she smelled so much better. It was nice to finally have her properly clean so I could cuddle her without being grossed out. I don’t know why I fought against having her for so long. It felt nice to have another living being in the house with me. 

I finally rolled out of bed and took a quick shower. It was show day, so I couldn’t be dicking around this morning. I threw on clean shorts and a t-shirt, then headed out. I stopped to get our usual cups of coffee before heading to Television City Studios. Kat and I were one of the first groups there, determined to get the rough run through out of the way. 

Kat was already chatting with the band when I walked in and handed her coffee over. We went through the routine a few times to get the camera blocking out of the way and gave feedback on the music. The other couples had started to filter in by the time we were on our last run through. I could see Alec sitting, waiting for his and Lana’s turn. I hadn’t seen him since the incident, so I wasn’t sure what the damage was. His face was pretty bruised up around the nose and under the eyes. I had to hold back the satisfied smile that was tugging at my lips as we walked by him. 

Kat did take a minute to add some makeup to my knuckles. They were still a little bruised. We didn’t want the cast to see it if we could help it. After she finished, we headed into hair and makeup to get slathered in more makeup and hair gel. 

Kat and I were seated next to each other again. We chatted with each other while they worked on us. I told her what I decided to name the cat. She laughed at first but wasn’t at all surprised that it was the name of a plant. She finally relented, admitting that it was cute and giving her seal of approval.

About 30 minutes after sitting down in the makeup chair, Anika approached me. She had a shy, but flirty smile on her face as she leaned against the vanity in front of my seat and purred out a “good morning.”

I smiled at her awkwardly, unsure of what was happening. Anika glanced toward Kat, then turned so that her back was toward her. 

“What are you doing after the show tonight?” she finally asked. 

I shrugged, “I don’t know yet. I suppose it depends on how tired I am.”

She laughed like I had just told the most hilarious joke. I now realized what was happening. Fucking hell. Please don’t do it. 

Her hand rested on my knee, “How about we go out for drinks after? Maybe we can hang out for a bit.” She gave a suggestive squeeze with her fingers as she spoke. 

I could tell from my reflection that I had the deer in headlights look. My brain completely shut down. I was not interested in the least. “Umm, I dunno. I really need to get home…and feed my cat.” 

“Oh, come on, just one drink. You can do that after.”

It was Kat who responded with an agitated tone, “You do realize he’s sober, right?”

Anika looked surprised, then laughed nervously. “Well in that case, you can just watch me drink. You don’t have to have anything with alcohol.”

I sat there with my mouth agape, not really sure how to respond to that. I couldn’t stop anyone from drinking around me, but damn. If she was trying to win me over, that was not the way to do it. 

“Are you a fucking idiot? He’s sober. He doesn’t wanna be around alcohol.” Kat was having none of this from her. 

Anika huffed, “I don’t think I asked you, Katarina. Mind your business. Shouldn’t you be worried about what your own man is up to?” 

I realized the ladies that had been doing our hair and makeup had stepped back. Kat looked like she was about to come up out of her seat after this girl. I cleared my throat, “Ummm thanks for the offer, Anika…but I think I’ll pass. Maybe another time?” I said nervously.

She gave me a disappointed look before flipping Kat off and walking out of the room. 

Kat puffed air out of her cheeks, “Ugh, I fucking hate that girl.”

The ladies who were working on us snickered before continuing with their task. 

I glanced over at Kat, “Thank you for that. I wasn’t really sure how to handle it.”

“Well, you better figure it out, because I’m sure she’s not done asking. Unless you wanna go out with her, of course.” Her tone was very clipped, and I wasn’t sure why. It surprised me. Did I do something wrong?

Kat was quieter after that, seemingly lost in her thoughts. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. It was making me feel off. I was happy when hair and makeup had finished with me. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I made a beeline for my dressing room to get changed into my costume. I didn’t hear from Kat for a while, assuming they had dress rehearsals for the group performances.

While I waited, I texted my assistant and asked him to bring me some brunch to pass the time. It was a little early for lunch, but I was already starving. A few minutes after he dropped off the food, I got a text from Kat, asking where I was. 

Me: In my dressing room. I have 🌯🌯🌯. (three burrito emojis) 

It wasn’t even a full minute before there was a knock on the door.

“Come in.” I managed to garble out through a mouth full of steak goodness. Kat pushed the door open, standing there with a disapproving look and her hands on her hips. 

“You're hiding away to eat burritos? Really?”

My ability to speak left me as soon as I laid eyes on her. The only response I could muster was to hold out the extra burrito I had gotten for her. She looked fucking amazing in her costume. The hem was asymmetrical, showing off her toned legs. The shorter side revealed her entire right thigh. The front was lower cut than I had expected, showing the curve of her breast. From the sketches, I knew the back was non-existent. There was only enough of the fringy fabric to cover her ass. They had left her chestnut hair half down this time. The front of it was pinned back leaving the soft curls cascading down around her bare shoulders. The red shade of the dress, if you could even call it that, looked amazing against her golden skin and made her red lips pop. All of the exposed flesh definitely had little Bravo’s attention. It took everything in me to refocus my thoughts and get him under control. 

She raised a questioning brow at me, a smirk forming on her lips as she took the burrito, “You OK, Bravo?”

I nodded as I swallowed down the food I had been chewing even though I wasn’t ready, nearly getting choked in the process. I coughed uncontrollably for a moment, then reached for my drink. I ended up dropping burrito juices on the robe I had put on over my costume. 

Kat laughed, “Good thing you put the robe on. I wouldn’t want to explain that mess to the costumers or producers.”

After taking a long drink through the straw, I managed to get myself together enough to respond, “No kidding. I have an extra one hanging over there if you wanna use it while you eat. I know these are messy.” 

“Why yes, I think I will. Thank you.”

Whatever had been bothering her earlier seemed to have passed. She was back to her normal smiley self as we rushed through our meal. It helped me feel a little more at ease and out of my head. Once I was finished with my burrito, I pulled the robe off, checking to make sure I hadn’t gotten anything on the costume. I turned to ask Kat if she saw any evidence left behind. I didn’t miss how her eyes looked me up and down before focusing on my shirt. 

I couldn’t help teasing her, “You see something you like, Kit Kat?” 

She narrowed her eyes at me, “I was just getting a look at your costume. I hadn’t seen it on you yet.”

I stood back, pulled the blazer open, and did a little spin for her, “You like?”

“Oddly enough…yes. The 70’s vibe suits you. I can’t believe you have it buttoned all the way up though. I was beginning to think you had a button allergy.” 

I gave her a cocky grin, “If you wanna see a little more skin, just ask honey. I guess I probably should show a little more, in solidarity with you.” 

She rolled her eyes before taking her last bite. I turned to the mirror and undid the top few buttons. I could see her watching me in the reflection, shaking her head with a smirk on her face. A few minutes later, we headed toward the ballroom for our final dress rehearsal. As we stood on the outer perimeter of the dance floor, Alec and Lana came to stand behind us to wait their turn. Kat seemed to be ignoring them, which was surprising. I couldn’t help glancing over at Alec. My mouth seemed to have a mind of its own as I took in his appearance.

“It looks like hair and makeup did a knockout job on you today, Alec. Can’t even tell that your face is fucked up.” 

Kat snorted next to me, covering her mouth with her hand to hold back the laugh. I was surprised to see that Lana also had a hint of a smile on her lips. 

Alec sneered, “Don’t get too excited, Bravo. You didn’t hit me that hard…nothing is broken.”

I gave him a toothy smile, “Nothing but your pride, right?” 

“Fuck you, Bravo.” 

Kat turned to me, placing her hand on my chest, “That’s enough, you two. Shut up or I’ll throat punch both of you.” 

I was still smiling when I muttered a quick “sorry” her way. 

She gave me a playful wink that Alec couldn’t see before looping her arm with mine, forcing me to turn away from him. We were called to go through our routine soon after that. We nailed it the first time through. The lightning, music, and camera angles fell into place perfectly for us. We went through it two more times just to be sure. 

I don’t really know what came over me, I assumed it was because Alec was glaring at me the entire time, but I made sure to turn the flirtiness of our routine up a few notches. Kat didn’t seem to mind, meeting me where I was. Not that it was all an act. The way the fringy dress accentuated her hip movements really did almost have me on my knees. The woman’s body moved in ways that my brain could not handle. 

I have to admit, I was getting a small thrill out of knowing Alec was seeing how good Kat and I were together. I didn’t want to make things harder on her, but he really did need to be put in his place. He needed to know that Kat was desirable. 

I could feel the static crackling in the air between me and Kat as we walked off the dance floor, hand in hand. She had that look in her eyes again while we waited for final feedback. We were given the all clear to head to our final fitting after that. Kat kept hold of my hand the entire time. Only dropping it as soon as we ran into Stacia and Joe in the hallway. We moved to walk around them, but Stacia stopped us. I noticed she looked both of us over before she spoke to Kat, “Care to share what happened to Alec’s face?”

Kat’s eyes widened slightly, “What did Alec say happened to his face?” 

Stacia’s eyes narrowed, “He didn’t…just said he’s clumsy.” 

I worked to keep my face neutral, but I really wanted to laugh at the absurdity of everything.

Kat gave her a tight lipped smile, “Well, I won’t argue with that. He is clumsy.” 

“So, you’re not gonna spill the details?” Stacia prodded. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know the details. He was fine the last time I saw him…so I can’t help you there.”

I could tell by the way Stacia was looking at Kat that she didn’t believe her. It was almost like they were having some sort of standoff now, eyes locked in an intense gaze. Stacia’s eyes finally shifted over to me, her head tilting slightly. “How about you, Dieter? Do you know what happened to his face?”

I shrugged, “What makes you think I would know anything? I hardly see the guy.” 

Stacia studied my face for a moment, almost like she was trying to read if I was lying. Her lips eventually turned upward into a smirk, “Well, good luck you two. Your dress rehearsal looked perfect. You’ve really turned up the heat this week. I’m sure the viewers are gonna love it.” 

Joe stood by smiling like the Cheshire Cat through this entire interaction. Only mumbling a quiet “Good luck” as they walked away. Kat and I gave each other wide-eyed looks as we turned to head toward the wardrobe department for our final fitting. Once the fitting was done, we stopped in for hair and makeup touch ups. Kat had to go change for the opening performance while I went to the staging area to wait. 

Since I skipped out on watching the group dress rehearsals, this was my first time seeing it. I remembered Stacia saying that they were going to put more attention on Kat, but I didn’t realize how much. She was the performance. Everyone else might as well have been background dancers. She worked the room and the cameras like no other and had the audience going crazy. She was magnetic and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. 

I lost interest once she was off the dance floor, opting to scroll through social media on my phone instead. I went down a rabbit hole of hashtags for the show, curious what people were saying. Kat was indeed a hot topic, and it was mostly positive. They fucking loved her and that made me happier than it probably should have. I definitely felt like Stacia was getting a heavy dose of karma after insinuating that Kat wasn’t that good in the beginning. 

I eventually came across a Dieter and Kat hashtag. I thought twice about clicking it but did so anyway. There were apparently a lot of shippers for us out there. It now made more sense why Stacia and Joe were pushing that narrative. I was honestly surprised at the support for it. Usually, my fans flipped the fuck out anytime I was linked to any sort of serious romantic partner, but they seemed ok with this. I saw Kat coming in my periphery, so I hit the hashtag ‘follow’ button then locked my phone just as she made it over to me.

We were buzzing with anticipation as we awaited our turn. Kat hooked up her earbuds to her phone, “You ready for some hype music?” 

I nodded, “What’s it gonna be today? Eye of the Tiger?” 

She chuckled, “Oh no. I only pull out the big guns when it’s serious.”

She handed me one bud and my ear was immediately filled with the familiar guitar riffs of Walk this Way by Aerosmith and Run DMC. “Yaaaaaas! I approve!” I said with a wide grin. She laughed, bobbing her head to the beat while my fingers played the chords on my air guitar. It was exactly what we needed to get hyped up. 

Before we knew it, it was our turn. I was strangely calm as we stepped out onto the dance floor and took our places. Kat’s confidence and sparkling eyes seemed to keep me grounded in the moment as the spotlight dropped down on her. I stood off to the side in the darkness, waiting until it was time to join her. She opened with the flirty strut and hip shaking thing she does so effortlessly before I came into the light, playing the lovesick puppy matching her every move while she shimmed and gyrated around me. There were a couple of instances where there was no space between us as our bodies moved as one to the beat. Kat’s cheek rested against mine, our fronts pressed together, our bodies twisting downward before popping back up for me to dip her backwards. She pushed me away dramatically before we transitioned into a lock step sequence followed by cross over breaks and a chase with full turns. We ended with a flourish as I spun Kat around and dipped her backward again, this time pulling her leg upward into our ending pose. 

When the lights dimmed, I pulled Kat upward and hugged her against me as she bounced up and down. Her arms wrapped around my neck as her cheek pressed firmly against mine. “I swear, that was fucking perfect. We killed it,” she said loud enough for me to hear it. I could feel her hot breath against my ear as she spoke. I couldn’t help burying my face in her neck for a brief moment. I inhaled her scent quickly, it was sweet like berries and a spring day. I didn’t want to let go, but I had to. The producers were finally getting what they wanted, our whole interaction since stepping foot on the dance floor was over the top flirty and sexy. More so than it had been during rehearsals as we continued matching each other’s energy, not holding anything back. If the connection between us continued to grow like this every week, it was only a matter of time before something happened between us. Having this much chemistry was unsustainable in its current form. 

While I did my interview and waited for the scores, Kat stood hugging me around the middle with both arms. I wrapped one of mine around her and pulled her tightly into my side. 

The judges didn’t really have any feedback for us. They mostly gushed about the sexiness of the performance and how in sync we were with each other. Noting that we probably had a stronger connection than any other couple on the show this season. My head was spinning from the adrenaline of it all before we even got our scores. My knees felt like they were going to give out as they started calling out the numbers. They gave us two 8’s and two 9’s. Kat and I were both in shock as we stood with our mouths agape. She had to give me a little shake to bring me back down to earth as the host asked how I was feeling about having the highest score of the night. 

Afterwards, we walked back to the staging area with smiles on our faces. Several cast members congratulated us as we passed by. We found a spot in the back corner, away from the others. Kat pulled me in for another hug, “That is the highest score I have ever gotten. I think I’m in shock.” 

I chuckled, “I know, I’m in shock. That was…wow. I have no words.”  

“We should celebrate with a big greasy burger after this,” she said with a toothy grin. 

I nodded, my hand still resting on Kat’s hip after she pulled away from the hug. Her hand sat on the back of my shoulder as she leaned into my side. We stayed like that while watching the next couple’s performance. The energy was still buzzing between us when we were interrupted by Alec. I noticed his eyes drop down to where my hand was on Kat, anger briefly flashed across his face, but he managed to compose himself. 

“Kat, can we talk for a minute?” he finally asked. 

Her lips set into a tight line before she finally nodded and pulled away from me. He’s not really gonna do this now, is he?

They moved further away into the back corner, but I could still hear him begging her for another chance. I rolled my eyes, trying not to listen, but I honestly couldn’t help it. 

“Baby, please, I swear. I’m not gonna fuck up again. I’m really gonna try to do better. I went to an AA meeting yesterday. I haven’t drank at all since that night. I feel terrible and I realize I can’t keep acting like this. I’ll do whatever you want. I’m still going to anger management, I’ll do therapy too if that’s what you really want. Please, I’ll do anything.”

I chanced a glance in their direction, Kat looked like her resolve was breaking. Fucking asshole. He was saying all the right things and I bet he didn’t mean a word of it. 

“Alec, I can’t keep doing this.”

“I know baby, I don’t blame you. Just one more chance, please.” 

Kat sighed, “OK. This is the LAST time though. You fuck up again and I’m done. It’s on you. You hear me?”

I didn’t even hear Alec’s response. I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. I had gotten my hopes up - let my fantasies of her being mine run wild and infect my senses. I felt dizzy for a different reason now, realizing my breathing was turning shallow.

My attention was drawn back to Kat when I heard my name. 

“You need to get over whatever your issue is with Dieter. He’s done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. I’m not gonna put up with it. I want you to apologize for trying to hit him. That was on you.” 

I don’t want his fucking apology. 

“I’ll do whatever you want, just let me come home with you tonight. Please? So, we can talk, and I can show you how sorry I am. Let me make it up to you.” 

She puffed air through her cheeks before nodding, “Fine. Whatever.” 

I felt sick. I needed to leave. It felt like the walls were closing in on me and everything was suddenly too loud. Sweat was beading at the nape of my neck and running down my back. I felt like I was gonna have a fucking panic attack. 

I turned to leave, nearly bumping into Kat who was now holding Alec’s hand at her side. I just stared at them wide-eyed. I could see the concern on Kat’s face, but I didn’t care.

“Dieter man, listen…I’m sor…” Alec started to say. 

“Save it. I don’t want your fucking apology.” 

I glanced down at Kat, “Enjoy your evening. I’m not feeling well, I need to go.” 

I could hear Kat calling after me as I left the staging area and moved toward my dressing room. I quickly changed out of my costume and stuffed it into the dry cleaning bag, sitting it outside my door for pickup. I closed the door behind me and locked it. I sat down in the chair, my head in my hands as I fought to control my breathing. The tears pooled in my eyes as I tried to reason through why I was reacting like this. It wasn’t normal. The hurt was too much. 

I was startled from my thoughts by a loud knock on the door. 

“Dieter, are you in there?” It was Kat. I didn’t answer her. 

My phone buzzed with several incoming text messages. They were from her, but I didn’t bother to look at them. I couldn’t. 

I exhaled slowly, running my hands down my face. What is my fucking problem? It was then that the realization finally hit me. I was in love with her. “Fuck.”

Next: Week 4 (Part 1)

A/N: Y'all ready to come at me with pitchforks? Don't worry, it won't last long. Alec is a class A fuck up. You know it's only a matter of time. So, there was a lot that went down in this chapter. Now that you've read Dieter's side, who do you think is down worse, Dieter or Kat? There was a lot of flirty banter in this chapter and I am here for it. Do we think Kat was intentionally flirting? What do we think about them singing together? I can confirm, this will not be the only time that happens... We got a small glimpse of plant dad and cat dad Dieter in this part. Are we swooning yet? How much did we love Dieter being a smart ass to Alec during dress rehearsals? I feel like we need more snarky Dieter. What about Dieter's revelation at the end? How do you think that is going to affect his interactions with Kat going forward? Now for some fun stuff... a big shout out to @readingiskeepingmegoing for introducing me to one of the music artist featured in this chapter. I. AM. OBSESSED. The three songs referenced in this chapter are linked below as well as their performance song. I have also included another fun Cha Cha video that I took inspo from.

CP Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept

@survivingandenduring  @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love

@readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981

@guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty

@rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte

@timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime 

@copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75

@bunniboo0015 @quicax3 jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap @pedrostories

@angelofsmalldeath-codeine @jessthebaker @rebel-held @gwendibleywrites @senorabond

👉 If your name is marked out, it wouldn’t let me tag you. ☹️

If you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know in the comments or shoot me a DM.

Credits: Support/MDNI Dividers: @cafekitsune Disco Divider: @deadbranch

[starlightshadowsworld]

"Fukuchi was never trying to actually hurt anyone"

The man literally said he was going to sacrifice 500 people for this plan. But even if you exclude them, and say other them no one else will be.

It's still bullshit.

If Ranpo hadn't dove into the book, he'd be dead. Akutugawa, Tachihara and Jouno were all killed by Fukuchi.

And maybe Fukuchi knew Ranpo would figure him out at some point. But he didn't see Tachihara and Jouno betraying him. Nor did he know Akutugawa was gonna show up.

Atsushi wasn't killed because the guy Akutagawa spared showed up and complicated things. He was supposed to die, Fukuchi says he can't be allowed to live after learning his identity.

Fukuchi was planning to kill whoever he found after the camera flash incident. And if vampire Akutugawa hadn't decided to keep his no kill vow, Aya would've been killed.

So much for wanting to protect her smile.

If Chuuya hadn't shown up, Yosano would've been killed by Jouno. And later, Yosano would've been killed if Tachihara hadn't disobeyed orders.

The Akutugawa stuff came later so Fukuchi wouldn't have known the Port Mafia were helping the Agency.

I doubt anyone saw Mr "my orders make me who I am" betraying orders. Especially because getting revenge on Yosano was his whole motivation.

Kunikida and Junichiro had their hearts forcibly stopped by Fukuchi. Which ended fine but still... What the fuck?

Fukuchi said to Fukuzawa that he would lose because he can't predict the future and aimed to stab him through the throat.

And we see him being suprised by that. And yeah Fukuzawa's good but I don't think even he would survived that.

Not to mention if he did get stabbed his vocal cords would be fucked, so he wouldn't be able to use one order... So bravo Fukuchi you almost fucked up you're entire plan.

Also the coin bombs weren't exactly harmless.

And he was working with Fyodor so everyone who got killed in this plan by Fyodor, I'd say Fukuchi bares responsibility for because he let it happen and helped.

Man's a good villian but he's also full of shit.

[breakfastteatime]

Today's Survivor request is for @lyraine - Together.

“We should have dinner,” Cere announces. “We have a small kitchen and mess hall here. Curry is on the menu.”

“I could eat,” Merrin says.

Greez laughs. “Some things never change.”

“Given that all organic life must eat to survive, yes, Greez, you are correct. Some things do not change.”

BD pipes up about the Neti, a species known to live off photosynthesis. That doesn’t fall within the parameters of eating to survive.

“Maybe save the biology lesson for after everyone’s eaten,” Cal tells him. He looks to Cere. “You’re not cooking, are you?”

As expected, Cere takes it gracefully. “No, even after all these years, I still haven’t learned how to cook.”

Greez reaches over and gives her hand a squeeze. “Don’t feel bad, Cal hasn’t either.”

“Hey, I never set the galley on fire!”

A distinctly binary chuckle emanates from Cal’s shoulder. He reaches up and taps BD on the head. Under no circumstances is BD to ever share that little drunken anecdote with anyone. Ever. Unless he’s looking to be a skriton snack. It’s not his fault Gabs got him wasted on Hutt-strength moonshine.

Bode jogs over. “I’m gonna stay here with Cordova, see what we can dig up on this Dagan guy and Tanalorr. Catch you later?”

“Sure,” Cal says.

“Go enjoy dinner. Save some for us!” Bode returns to Master Cordova, the two of them instantly deep in discussion.

Bode. Full of surprises.

Cere leads the way to the mess hall. The four of them are served curry, pour themselves drinks, and find a table in the corner. Everyone pauses for BD to scan their selections. Conversation picks up like they’ve never been apart, like there aren’t years, distance, and hurt feelings between them. Or maybe it’s just Cal who felt like that, the only one who nurtured the emptiness inside him, tried to fill it with the certainty that they’d abandoned him. He’d clung to it, but what if he was the one who caused the fracture, who broke it all apart because he didn’t know when to stop? He can feel an ease between Cere and Merrin, the Force humming between them differently now, a deeper current.

Cal is…

He might be…

A small foot boots his shin. He looks over, sees Greez staring. “Start eating, or I’ll finish it before you get another look at it.”

Stomach growling, Cal nods and starts eating. Cere and Merrin ask Greez about life on Koboh and Pyloon’s, the Force full of warmth and joy as he shares his wild tales of life on the frontier. It nudges at Cal, smothering the memories of separation. All five of them made their own choices, went their separate ways, and now those paths have converged again. Things have changed between them, and there’s no going back to what it was like before. Maybe that’s a good thing.

“And then Cal turns up because he crashed my ship and – ”

Cal picks at his curry. “I think I landed it pretty well, considering the circumstances.”

“Ha! A good landing would’ve been on the pad outside the saloon, kid.”

“I have never crashed a ship,” Merrin declares.

“Take a trip with Cal, it won’t take long,” Greez says, reaching for his drink.

Cere’s laughter takes Cal by surprise. It’s been a long time since he heard her sound so… so…

So light-hearted.

Like the old days, when they were together, and it was easy. He’s missed this so much.

What Cal wouldn’t do to have Gabs, Bravo, Lizz and Koob be here too.

He puts his fork down, food half finished, and reaches for his drink, sipping the water and hoping he gets a hold on himself before he has a breakdown at the table. He’s surrounded by peace, by joy, and it threatens to drown him. He imagines Lizz and Koob devouring more curry than the kitchen can spare, Gabs offering to improve Cere’s databases, Bravo examining their air defences. BD peers up at him. Cal pats his head, feeling the tremble. Don’t lose it. Get it all under control. Breathe, release…

Another nudge. This one through the Force. A familiar feeling, one absent from his life for so many years. He acknowledges Cere and pulls away before she can pick up on everything in his head.

He doesn’t want to hear her tell him she told him so. They’re all together again. Let him get used to that again, and maybe, just maybe, everything will work out for the best this time.

[purplebubblywitch]

LAST LETTER TO ASTARION

Hi everyone! This is my very first post, and I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous. But I thought I'd share my first fanfiction! What if Cazador had written a final letter to Astarion? Oh and I had to post it again. -_-What do you guys think? Trigger Warning: Abusive behavior.

To Astarion,

these are maybe my final words to you, my little spawn. I don’t know if I’ll survive when we meet again. They say you’re nearly at my door, and I hear the malicious gossip, it seems you've grown surprisingly strong, gathering a charming little entourage. Even Gortash is a thorn in my side, so I must act. Today, the ritual begins. But know this my dear: no matter what happens, I will always win. My only failure was letting you escape. Yet, deep down, I’m proud of you, Astarion.

You are like me. No matter how hard you fight it, you are as power-hungry as I am, driven by the same fear of being enslaved again. We  both clawed our way to the top. Maybe that’s why I’ve always felt so close to you. I couldn’t break you. Bravo, my little spawn. And I truly did try. Every time I heard your sweet screaming, I heard myself through that filthy mouth of yours, my own screams, my own pleas for mercy. You are a reflection of my past, a twisted reminder of what I lost. You’ve become a key to what remains of my humanity. I got addicted to that feeling. To feel like myself again, you made me feel alive, when I’d thought it was lost to Vellioth. Maybe I got carried away some days, but we all have our good and bad days, don’t we? Can you understand that? 

Once, I was someone’s little pet, like you. I was impaled for eleven years—compared to that, my treatment of you was almost… loving, wouldn’t you say? I can’t tolerate anyone above me. Those were Vellioth’s words. This words were for himself, but they apply so damn well.They kept me alive. I wasn’t allowed to love, because love makes you weak. Love makes you vulnerable. Look at your brother and his pathetic attempts to protect his daughter. At the end of it all, he will be alone. As will you, Astarion. Why should we care for others? No one ever cared for us. 

Here you are, barely out of the nest, clinging to someone, desperate for protection. But will you ever truly be free? Will you ever trust anyone completely? When I sent those men to you, you thought I saved you. Your naivety was always overwhelming and, dare I say, refreshing. I watched you for so long, knowing you’d make the perfect addition to my collection. Like a piece of art.

It won’t be long before you stand outside my door. Let’s imagine the scenarios: if you kill me and stop the ritual, however unlikely that may be, then that will only prove how alike we are. Sacrificing everything for power. I taught you well my little Spawn.

But if you don’t finish the ritual, do you think you’ll be free? Could you ever be truly free, Astarion? Do you think my death will heal your wounds? 

It won’t undo anything. It won’t heal your soul. You’re so accustomed to fear that you’d feel lost without it. Absurd, isn’t it? Because you’re used to living in terror. In fact, when you were gone, your first instinct wasn’t to run away as far as possible, it was returning to me. I’m sure,  your thoughts are surely filled with me, telling everyone how wicked I was to my little pet. It’s a clever tactic, claiming weakness to lure them in. With your pretty face, who wouldn’t believe you? I’ll always live on, Astarion, in your mind, in the scars on your body.

And if you don’t kill me? Then you’ll never be free. I’ll find you and hunt you down. Because we belong together, Astarion, whether you like it or not. I’m the only one you can truly count on. You trust no one. And even if you resist, I’m the one who can offer you safety. Familiar horror is easier to bear than the unknown, isn’t it, my dear?

Anyway, we’ll see if you come to my door. I have enough wine to celebrate, the full-bodied one you like so much.

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Cazador

Please read my next fanfiction Astarion's Journal

______________

[darleneh]

Alastor x F!Reader (SLIGHT SMUT)

Performance

Word count:1.6k or something??

Had to repost since I cutted off a few paragraphs. So sorry.

Summary; you play in front of the crew! How fun! Alastor gets a little bit creepy with you.

You were practicing your trumpet on one of the top floors so nobody could hear you. Even though you had nobody to perform to, playing the trumpet to yourself was good enough. Pressing down on the valves, you played a F instead of an E. You read the notes on the paper in front of you and fingered your trumpet to get the notes down, and the right valves pressed too. After reading it, you started playing again. This time you got the notes right.

“Y/n!” You hear behind you, a girls voice, presumably Charlie’s. You turn around, holding the gold colored trumpet.”For an activity today I was wondering if you wanted to perform in front of everyone?” She asked, her smile widening. “Uhm, sure. I’m practicing a song I could play in front of you all.” You shrug, standing to the side and showing her the sheet music you’ve been working on. “It’s called Zombie Attack. It came out like two years ago. I have to skip some measures since there’s other instruments playing.” You explained, pointing to measure 18.

Charlie didn’t know what the fuck a measure was, “Oh, great.. that’s okay! Just play some, then.” She brought er hands up in confusion. “Thanks, we’ll be starting in about thirty minutes. Be ready!” She ran off. You turned back around and started transitioning from measure 17, to measure 26 in Zombie Attack. After getting the transition right, you went to the other measures that had rests.

LATER -

You were on the stage, setting up your stand and tuning your trumpet. You saw Alastor. “Oh wow, Y/n. I didn’t know you played the trumpet! A jazz instrument!, perhaps you can give me private performances at some time?” He asked, looking up at you while you were on stage setting up. “Thanks, and sure. I just need sheet music y’know?” You awkwardly smiled at him, fingering your trumpet. “I’ll find something that’ll fit you then.” Alastor sat down and watched as you warmed up.

Looking at your music, you had the second trumpet part. Not the first. It was okay though since you had the melody in your parts. Since it was just you playing, anyone who hadn’t heard this song before wouldn’t know, or anyone with musical experience would either. After a few minutes, everyone in the hotel was there. Which consisted of Alastor, Angel Dust, Charlie, Vaggie, Nifty, and lastly Husk. Charlie was excited for you, she looked like she was about to explode with happiness.

“I’ll be playing Zombie Attack by Jason Taurins, second trumpet part.” You brought teh mouth piece to your lips and breathed, you were standing so you made a tempo with you tapping your foot against the floor. You took a glance at Charlie and she gave you a thumbs up which mad you put your trumpet up higher. Breathing in, you blew into the mouth piece and started playing the first measure of the song. You played a F in meso forte.

After playing the first 17 measures, you went to measure 26 and started playing it. You skipped measure 18 through 26 since it was when other non existent instruments would play. Playing, you did mess up atleast twice which was okay. You stopped playing at measure 43 since the rest of the song was repeated. Pressing on valve one, and valve two, you played note A and made the sound fade away.

Bringing the mouth piece away from your mouth, you bowed down to them. Everyone clapped, Charlie got up and clapped loud, yelling “Bravo!” To be a little more dramatic. You let out a simple, “Thanks.” And walked off stage with your belongings. Getting off stage, you walked to a hidden place and got on your knees to open up your case and put your trumpet in. Putting your mouth piece in first, you then out in the trumpet itself in. Locking it up, you were about to get up until you heard foot steps behind you.

“Great job, Y/n. I’m proud of you for your performance!” You heard Alastor say in the quiet room. “Thanks. I was a nervous reck, I don’t know why I was so nervous when I played in front of people back when I was alive. I played in front of schools, festivals, everything.” You explained, looking down at your trumpets case. “Well, when was the last time you played?” He asked you. “A few years ago when I was alive. That’s all.” You shrugged, turning your head around to meet Alastor, but his crotch area was the first thing you locked ‘eyes’ with.

Eyes widening, you looked up at Alastor who was very much close to you. “Ah, well there’s no need to be nervous when you have such a tiny audience.” He grasped his caine. “I- I know, it’s just it’s been .. awhile.” Your eyes kept losing eye contact with him and looking down at his area between his legs. Was he hard? You can’t tell, it was too dark to see, and his pants ruffled up perfectly to show a bulge, but since it was his pants, you couldn’t tell.

“You’ve played by yourself before, what makes everyone in front of you different? The scariness of messing up?” He stepped back a little when he noticed you eyeing the spot between his legs. “I guess. By myself is better. Knowing nobody is listening makes me more comfortable.” You look at your sheet music, then looking back at him. “Are you sure you know nobody is listening? If I’m being quite honest with you, I’ve been listening to you play when you’re up on the high levels. You’re very good at playing.” He compliments, letting his hand out for you to grab.

You denied his offer to help you up and you looked down at your trumpets case again. “That’s, uhm, creepy but thanks.” You get up yourself, grabbing your case too. “Now, about your private performances, when do you think you can play for me?” He asked, backing up a little from you as you were too close. “Uhm, maybe later on. I need to think about some stuff and practice.” You walked passed him, which made his smile drop a little bit. You didn’t look at him when he did that though.

Going to Charlie, you smile at her and thank her for letting you perform. Angel dust said, “Great job.”, so did Husk. Nifty was going back to cleaning. Vaggie just agreed with Charlie, so now you were off to the farthest floor in the hotel. The top floor. You got in the elevator and went up. It took you a few minutes to ge up there. You set up your stuff again like earlier and started playing again. This time, you heard static behind you as you played. when your song ended you turned around and were met with Alastors red eyes.

“Oh, hi.” You were kind of shocked to see him, even though you saw him about ten minutes ago. “Perhaps you can play the song for me?” He asked, walking up to you and standing really close to you. “Sure.” You scooted yourself away and put the mouth piece to your lips and started playing. After getting to 17, you transitioned to 26 as you did before then stopped at measure 43. “Phenomenal!” He clapped, smiling at you.

“Thanks.” You placed your trumpet on your case and looked at him. “Uhm, why were you watching me play earlier?” You ask, raising your eyebrow. “You play wonderfully, that’s why.” He toyed with his caine, twirling it. “What else can you play? What else can you do that’s talented?” He asked you this time, looking at you and making eye contact.

“Nothing else, only my trumpet aha.” You scratch the back of your neck at the awkwardness in the air. “Well, I know a talent I believe you can add instead of a trumpet on your lips all the time.” He only blinked at you, and his words made you think of twisted and sexual things. “Like?…” You blush, looking as his gaze on your eyes lowers to your lips.

“Well? Show me what that mouth can do when your lips are on my cock.”

[beefrobeefcal]

Dieter Measures Up feat. Dieter Bravo & Cookie (f!reader)

a HeftyThrowaway one shot drabble | Rated: 18+ | word count: 834 warnings: weight gain, grinding, Dieter being a needy mess A/N: thank you @toxicanonymity for celebrating 900 friendos in the bistro! and yes... this is a bit more than a drabble.

Dieter groaned. He looked over the email from his manager, suggesting in the firmest way possible that wouldn’t compromise their job, that he needed to wear an actual suit to the premier. To add to his grief, they put in bold right at the end before signing off: YOU ARE NOT WEARING ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING SOMETHING YOU COULD SLEEP IN.

Included in the message was also the requirement to get fitted for the suit because they knew he hadn’t lost any of the weight he’d gained for the role. Rolling his eyes, he flipped the bird at his phone, tossed it into the pocket of his robe, and pulled the tube of raw cookie dough from the fridge. He forwent the spoon, taking a big bite of the dough, and leaned over the counter thinking.

An idea hit him: he could just send the measurements that were taken when he arrived on set to shoot ten months ago. He smiled as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his notes before it dawned on him that he had to be measured and then remeasured a few times over the course of the shoot because his costumes kept shrinking. As he wondered who he needed his assistant to contact to track down the measurements, another email arrived from his management team: DON’T ASK FOR PRIOR MEASUREMENTS. THEY WON’T BE ACCURATE ANYMORE.

He scowled at his screen. “Mother fucker.”

*****

It had been a while since he’d been to a tailor, normally opting for off the rack because prior to this role, he was within the sample size range. He was pretty sure he still was. Sure, he had less of the iconic ‘slutty little waist’ and sure, his belly had stuck out when he wasn’t close to being full, but there was no way he was that much bigger.

At least he thought that until the seamstress, an older European woman, came out and began to measure him. Every time he felt the measuring tape pull tight against his body followed by the older woman calling out a number much higher than he anticipated, his body reacted. Not negatively – no, quite the opposite. He was getting hard.

Even after the project wrapped, he kept you on as his private cook, telling you that now he’d had a bite of his ‘Cookie’, there was no way he could have any other. And while nothing was official between you, he hadn’t fucked around with anyone else, and even cleared out his extensive vintage clown pornography collection from the guesthouse and set you up in there so you could live on sight. He loved the praise you gave when he finished his meals and he craved the look you gave when he sat back, belly heavy and sitting on his lap.

He needed to get home. Now.

****

You stood at the door to the pantry, debating on whether to make burritos or chicken korma for dinner that evening when you heard the door from the garage open and slam loudly. Before you could ask if everything was okay, Dieter was behind you, shoving you against the wall, his front to your back.

“Fuck, you do your job so good.”, he grunted, biting softly into your neck. His whole thick body pinned you and he bucked his hips, seeking friction.

“Most bosses offer a raise… not a full body slam.”, you breathed back with a smile.

“Most bosses…”, he panted, “aren’t grateful… enough.”

“Dieter… we can go to the bedro-“

“No… right… oh fuck… right here’s fine…”, he grunted with a whine. He ground his hips, and his painfully hard erection finally found the right angle against your left ass cheek.

“Dee! The couch! Not here!”

His breathing picked up and he bit the crux of your neck and shoulder with a whine. “Just… almost… need this…”

 You pushed your body from the wall with all your strength, but it was no use; Dieter’s additional weight had made his physical self just as stubborn as his personality.

“Got me so… fuckin’ big… Olga… measured me… no idea… who I was… said I was a… a fat man…”, he whimpered in grunts, breath panting over the skin he’s made wet on your neck and shoulder.

You couldn’t help but moan in response, and his arm snaked around to your front, cupping your legging clad mound, and pulling your ass against him harder. It was almost painful, but also euphoric. Dieter’s breaths became faster and carried high pitch whines with them.

“I promise… I’ll fuck… I’ll fuck you later… after dinner… just need… to cum n-oh fuck!”

You felt a warmth through your leggings on your ass cheek and his whines hit heights that only dogs could hear. When he finally stilled, his body relaxed enough that you could turn around and face him. He gave you a goofy half grin with heavy lidded eyes.

“Now that we got that out of the way, I’m starved. What’s for dinner?”

[grievedeeply]

Can I request a Cal x reader, where they were both working for Saw but got split up during the job on Coruscant. So we know that in rogue one Saw was hanging out on Jedha, so what if reader is out in the descent hearing to Saw’s place but runs into Cal instead? Idk I just need some Cal in my life. Thank you so much 💜

i'm loving all of these cal requests!!! this is such a cute idea :") hope you enjoy!

gn!reader | tws: death, SPOILERS FOR THE BEGINNING OF JEDI SURVIVOR + JOIN MY NEW TAGLIST!!!

you're here, we're here — cal kestis

you wondered if working for saw gererra was the right thing to do. of course, he fought for something bigger than himself, but you knew of the consequences of this sort of thing. if you were to be captured by the empire, you'd be killed. they'd keep it quiet, but you knew your death would come swift if the imperials were to get their hands on you.

you were scared of death. wasn't everyone, to some extent? you wondered what the afterlife would hold for you. was there even an afterlife at all? the act of dying wasn't what scared you, not really. it was mostly leaving those you loved behind. gabs, the twins, bravo. you met them all through saw gererra, and that was your favorite part about working for him. the people. their kindness and generosity, their determination to make the galaxy a better place. not just for themselves but for everyone around them. it was good to see something other than hate and cruelty remained.

they were your family.

until they weren't.

the job on coruscant had gone horribly wrong, in the end. what was supposed to be a simple extraction of information turned into a firefight.. and before you knew it, more than half of your squad was gone. in the confusion, you'd gotten split up from cal, bode and bravo, and you could only assume they were all dead, too.

lately, saw had been hanging out on jedha. even before your mission, he had started setting up some operations there despite the ever growing imperial presence.

so.. you returned to jedha completely empty handed, and down an entire team. your family. gabs, the twins.. you watched them die, struck down like they were nothing. they had names, they had lives and friends and they were loved. but no one understood that. all the empire saw was insurgency. all that inquisitor saw was cal, the one who had gotten away from her all those years ago.

you remembered the look on saw's face once you stepped inside. his grin immediately dropped and without a moment's hesitation, he took you by your shoulders and pulled you into his arms. you couldn't cry, not anymore. the entire time you were maneuvering through the streets of coruscant your eyes were welling with tears. the tie fighters shot at you as you escaped the planet and went into the stars.. and by the time you were in hyperspace, your face was soaked in tears. you sobbed the entire time, all the way up until your arrival at jedha, days later. you couldn't risk leading the empire back to saw, so you took a few rotations on some backwater planet to collect your thoughts— but what was left to think about?

you thought of gabs. her smile, her strange sense of humor that somehow always made you laugh. the twins and their insatiable appetite.. and the warm hugs they provided you when you were feeling down. bravo, who gave the best advice out of anyone on the crew. bode, your sparring partner. cal.. your best friend.

cal.. he was smart. 'he could've gotten out,' you told yourself. if he was captured he could've escaped. he was talented, he was brave. he was kind.. so kind. you remembered his hands on your arms, running them up and down your skin as a way to calm you, to ground you into the moment. it was a routine before you went out together. he would smile that same, big dumb grin, and reassure you that everything would be okay.

but that wasn't the case. not this time.

cal was gone. his beautiful.. gentle smile was gone. you would never see him again. he was dead or captured and you were the only one that made it out. he deserved to see the galaxy at a better state. he deserved to live. he deserved to grow old. thoughts of him and the rest plagued your mind like a curse, and no matter how many times you tried to push them and what happened away, they would come crawling back.

your work on jedha was light. saw was giving you time to recover, letting you decide if you even wanted to go back into the field in the first place. not only had his operation suffered a major loss.. but so had you. you had to watch it happen. until you made your choice, he had you doing whatever you needed or wanted. you could choose to sit around if you needed to. he had plenty of people to cover for everything. he knew you needed your space, so.. sit around you did.

you'd take walks occasionally, go to nearby cliffsides and listen to the stormtroopers beneath you chatter about whatever was going on in their lives. the familiar hum of their electro riot batons went in and out of your mind. they spoke of promotions, of their coworkers and their bosses, their plans, how much they hated jedha and wished they were stationed somewhere else.. but as they talked.. you envied them.

they were blinded to the empire's cruelty and injustices, but you? you had lost to them. these people knew nothing about the kindness your friends, your family, had shown. they would get what was coming to them.. but for now, you took solace in their stupidity.

this was one of those trips. you stood from your spot on the cliff, brushing off your pants with your hands, watching as dust fell from them back onto the sandy rocks underneath you. the stormtroopers were so oblivious to their surroundings, it almost made you laugh. you turned your back to them, ready to begin up the path you had come down before.

the trek was a decently long one. it was enough time away from base to clear your head and let your thoughts sit for awhile, and that was okay with you. you let yourself mourn through this walk.. and that was okay.

you groaned as you pushed yourself up onto the ledge, making steady progress towards base. you wondered if there was an easier way to get back.. but this distance was something you enjoyed. the silence was nice. it was good to be on your own sometimes, even if plenty of people had offered to come with you, you always turned them down. you knew they were concerned, but you needed time to be by yourself.

you brought yourself to your feet after climbing up, kicking a few of the rocks underneath your feet over the edge of the cliff. you looked down at the ground below you, wondering how far the drop was. you were surprised you hadn't slipped off, yet. you chuckled to yourself at the thought. you knew that, if cal were by your side, he would save you with his force magic. no matter how much strain it might put on him.. he would do it. there was no doubt in your mind.

but cal wasn't around.

a chirp in the distance, coming from the direction you were heading. you furrowed your brow. this path was supposed to be clear. who would saw send out at this time anyways? the sun was setting in the distance, the hues of pink and orange blending into the desert out beneath the cliffs. had he planned some sort of covert operation—

you stopped in your tracks. a droid..

cal's droid.

you'd recognize those colors anywhere. he stared up at you for a few moments before rushing towards you, climbing up your legs to rest on your shoulders. bd-1's head rubbed against your cheek almost as though he were some sort of animal. you grinned, leaning towards him as your hands reached for him. you took him off of your shoulder, holding him in front of you.

you frowned. how had he gotten here? did cal make it out? that wasn't possible. you would've heard something from him by now, anything—

"buddy, wait up!" you heard a voice call from down the canyon, and you froze, eyes wide. cal's voice. were you hallucinating? was this a dream or a nightmare? were you dead? why would bd-1 be here if you were dead?

before you could think on it any further, cal slid around the corner and turned to face you. his expression immediately softened as soon as he laid his eyes on you, and bd-1 slowly slinked out of your hands and back onto the ground, ready to watch your reunion.

he let out a shaky breath, one that even he could barely hear. his head felt so loud. after you'd gotten separated from the rest, he thought you were dead. he normally tried to stay as positive as possible.. you were clever, intelligent and knew just how to survive.. but it was a feeling in his gut that he couldn't shake that you didn't make it out.

he blinked a few times before he took a few hesitant steps towards you. your eyes filled with tears as you stared at him. he was real, he was in front of you. he was alive. before you knew it, cal's arms were wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest for a tight hug.

a soft sob escaped his lips, but he nuzzled his face into your neck, and all you could do was return the gesture. his crying pulled you back into reality. he was alive. he was okay.

it felt like an eternity, trapped in each others arms, soaking in the warmth that filled your chest as you reveled in his presence. you never wanted him to pull away, afraid that if he did he would disappear into the sunset behind him. but he pulled away, his hands resting on your shoulders as they always did.. and he stared deep into your eyes.

he pressed his forehead to yours, his fingers ran circles over your skin. what he always did to keep you calm.. and you couldn't help but cry. you let your eyes close, your hands reaching out for the fabric of his shirt. he was alive, and that was all you cared about. despite the insurmountable loss you'd faced that day, cal was alive and in front of you.

"i'm so happy to see you." you heard him say, and you nodded. his voice was coarse, rough against his throat. had he cried as much as you had? had he struggled with adapting to a life without you? without everyone? he'd mourned for you. you took his hands off of your shoulders, taking them in your own. this time, your thumbs ran over the back of his palms, caressing him as though he was about to break.

"cal.." you whispered out his name, your lips pressed into a thin line to prevent yourself from crying. his hands found your face, pulling you closer.

your heart ached in your chest, your breathing heavy. you let him touch you, both of you falling completely silent. finally, you opened your eyes, only to be met with his staring back at you.

he'd been looking at you all this time. desperation filled his vision, and his lips pressed to yours in a gentle, warm kiss. it didn't last for very long, and you resisted the urge to pull him back in as soon as his lips left yours. "i'm sorry," cal muttered, averting his gaze from you to look at the floor. "i don't know what came over me." he chuckled, breathless, feeling incredibly awkward as he sunk into himself. his cheeks were a bright red. he could feel the heat against his skin.

though, when he returned his eyes to you, you wore a smile. your face, still covered in tear stains, had a genuinely happy expression written on it for the first time in a long time.

you never thought you'd think of him in this way, but as you thought on it, you supposed you already had. you yearned for him in a way you did for no one else. you wanted him by your side. you swallowed, embarrassed.

"it's okay," you reassured him verbally before taking his hands in your own once more. they were rough, but surprisingly gentle. "i.. didn't exactly mind." you told him, glancing away from him as you spoke. it was strange to be this vulnerable, but you were glad it was with cal and no one else. he was so special.

he cared so much for people.. for you.

"really?" he asked without missing a beat, a youthfulness in his voice you had never heard before. you nodded, and he kissed your forehead, a sign of relief escaping his lips. he thought he had ruined everything between the two of you before even getting to talk to you.

"why.. why didn't you tell me?" you asked after a brief moments hesitation. of course, you were glad he was alive and in front of you, but you couldn't help but to ask. cal sighed, "i tried. comms were out. i tried to track you. i didn't find anything and i thought-" he paused, licking his lips. his throat suddenly felt dry. "i thought you were dead."

you couldn't even say anything, your mind focused only on the fact that he tried. he tried to reach out to you and that was all that mattered. you knew he would never leave you behind. "i had to.. find an old friend of mine. we had to fix up the ship." he swallowed, scratching at the back of his neck. "i'm sorry, i should've tried harder-"

"cal," you cut him off before he could say anything else, "all that matters now is that you're alive. you're here. we're here. you tried.. and that means more to me than you could ever know. believe me.. i tried to find you, too." you told him, eyes searching his face. "it's okay." you spoke up again, and his gaze finally met yours.

your breath hitched in your throat. he was beautiful. inside and out. he had a heart of pure gold. one that you hoped would never fade, that you knew would never fade.

bd-1 nudged at your foot before you could sink further into your daydream, and he climbed up onto his shoulders. you grinned at him, and then shifted your eyes to cal.

"come on," you murmured, taking his hand in yours. "i want to show you something."

the place you had mourned for him. yes.. but now, it was the place with a view you would share.

tags: @starwalkerwriting

[jinxxangel13]

Phantom of the Night

Chapter 7:

Tw: blood, gore, minor character death, guns

~Masterlist~ ~Prev~ ~Next~

Recap:

“Contact!”

Phantom took cover behind some crates with Soap, losing eyesight of Ghost and the rest of their team as she focused on the AQ soldiers. She switched guns as fast as she could, double checking that she had enough bullets before going prone and aiming between the slits on the side of the shelves.

She was able to drop 2 people on the top floor, and one heading down the stairs before she had to take cover again. The AQ were now lighting up her hiding spot with bullets, so she had no choice but to dash to the forklift in front of her. It wasn’t a lot of cover, but it was good enough for her to take down a heavily armored soldier hiding behind an ammo crate at the back of the warehouse.

Phantom couldn’t see anyone else, but still waited for Ghost’s call.

“We clear?”

“All clear.”

Phantom shouldered her gun, rolling out her shoulder with a wince at the pain in her arm, but it could wait a bit longer at this point.

“Search it. Let's find what they were hiding…”

“Lieutenant. This warehouse wasn’t on the schematics. Got a bad feeling about this.” Phantom lowered her voice when she stopped near him. “Check the container.” 

Ghost gestured to the one in front of them, with her nodding in agreement. With the help of two other Bravo soldiers, they opened the heavy metal doors to reveal a computer system with lines upon lines of code flying across the screen.

“The fuck is this?”

Phantom's eyes widened as she stepped into the container, trying to decipher the letters flying across the screen before it clicked.

“It’s English.”

“It’s all in English.”

Phantom scoffed as Ghost mimicked her words without realizing and stepped up to the controls. Her fingers flew across the keyboard before she flipped a switch to the side, waiting a moment after she heard metal creaking above her before making her way out of the container.

“This isn’t good…”

Ghost, Soap and Phantom watched as something was raised out of the top of the container.

 “Steaming Betsy...:” Soap muttered, stepping back slightly.

“Ballistic missiles.”

“It's a fucking mobile launcher.” Phantom snapped, her fists clenching tightly. "Shit."

“Sir, these'll go 1,000 miles.” 

“At least…” Ghost huffed. 

This mission just went from bad to worse as the weight of what they found settled on everyone's shoulders.  Phantom snapped back to the present as she noticed Soap starting to climb up a nearby crate to get a closer look at the side of the metal.

“How the hell did Iran get their hands on this?” 

Phantom stepped closer to Soap, though she kept her feet on the ground this time.

“Could be anyone at this point. Trade, black market, stealing.” Phantom shrugged. This wasn’t the first time she had witnessed something like this happening.

Ghost called out to one of the other team members.

“7-6, get us through to Laswell.”

“Roger, stand by... Bravo 7-6 Charlie to Watcher-1, how copy?”

“This is Watcher-1, send traffic.” Laswell called over the radio.

“Laswell, this is Ghost, we got something.”

“Tell me you found Hassan…”

“Hey, Phantom, take a look at this…” Soap pointed something out on the missile, Phantom's eyes finally understanding what symbol was on it.

The American flag was etched into the missile.

“Ghost, do you have Hassan?”

“Negative. We found a weapons cache. Hassan's got missiles... they're American.”

“0-7-- This is Gold Eagle Actual, repeat that last.” It must be bad if General Shepherd answered.

“I say again- Hassan has missiles.” Ghost retorted back.

“They have fucking American missiles, General.” Phantom called through her radio.

She walked away from the crate in annoyance, not caring about what else was said at that point as the pain in her head and arm started to become debilitating. 

“Let’s clear out to exfil.”

Phantom was one of the last people on the plane when they picked the team up. She took the time to rewrap her arm tightly with the help of Alpha 0-2, who also used some antiseptic she handed him from her kit to try and clear her head wound-sans her helmet. She hissed in pain, knuckles whitening in her lap as she sat as still as possible.

“I know, kid, gonna hurt like a bitch.”

Phantom chuckled, tilting her head slightly to allow him easier access to the rest of the wound.

“Probably gonna need stitches.” She groaned, earning a small yet pained smile from the man in front of her.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

WIP Wednesday

It has been a Closed Position kind of week! Who's ready for dancing Dieter to take over their thots? 😏

Ask me how many times I have written the name 'Talia' instead of the name of the new OFC, 'Kat'? The answer...too many to fucking count. That is going to be a hard habit to break. 🤦‍♀️😂

Anyway, since it's Wednesday...I thought I might give you a little tease from the first chapter. Enjoy!

I was met with a mess of curls, dark eyes, and a lop-sided grin. It was Dieter fucking Bravo. “Hey there, sweetheart,” he said through a chuckle. We stared at each other for a moment. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, he can’t call me that.  He had a slight smirk on his face now, “Katarina, right? Looks like we’re gonna be dance partners.”  I shook my head, my lips set in a tight line, “Don’t call me that.”  His brow furrowed, “What? Katarina?”  I scoffed, “No, sweetheart. I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. It’s inappropriate. You can call me Kat like everyone else.”  He was obviously taken off guard by my cold demeanor as he gave me a confused look, “I didn’t...mean anything by it. I-I call everyone sweetheart.”  I rolled my eyes in response, “Well, you're not gonna call me that.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a beat, “I guess I’ve earned that. Sorry, I won’t do it again.”  I inhaled deeply, biting my bottom lip as I did so. It didn’t go unnoticed that his eyes shifted down to my mouth. “Look, this is my last season and I just wanna get through it without any drama, ok?” A crease formed between his brows as his jaw ticked to the side, “What makes you think I’m gonna cause drama?”

Let's just say there is in fact DRAMA all around on the first day of the new season of Dancing with the Stars...Wonder who causes it all? 👀

👉 Some fun facts... we will have alternating points of view in this fic - hearing both from Kat and Dieter. Also, some internal monologue too...

👉 If all goes to plan, the Epilogue for Destiny & Deliverance will post sometime next week. The first chapter for the new dancing Dieter fic will post the following week. I know, I've had you all waiting since October for this one and I apologize for that...but it is finally almost here. Yay!

NPT: @for-a-longlongtime, @rhoorl, @trulybetty, @nerdieforpedro

Closed Position Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @linzels-blog @morallyinept @survivingandenduring  @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre

[gildedkrone]

The Sun and The Moon

Relationships: Ghost x GN Reader Synopsis: You break all of your promises by dying and Simon loses it. A/N: Angsty hurt no comfort for those who want to see Ghost suffer. Master List

“Simon, what are you doing?”

The man has his arms wrapped around your torso. His head is buried into your nape and his breaths are warm tingles on the neck. You set the knife down to turn around and look at your lover. He responds by loosening his hug but never truly letting go.

“Hugging you,” he replies as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

You laugh, a crystal sound on his ears and weary heart. He tightens his embrace to pull you in close to him and you smell the scent of his aftershave. In the privacy of your home, he opted for a simple balaclava instead of the usual skull mask.

“Did something bring this on?” You mumble against his cheek and he shakes his head.

“Just needed to feel you.”

He melts into your returned embrace and you whisper sweet nothings into his ears.

---

Gunshots are coming from left and right. You are hunkered down beside a desk for cover and counting your munitions.

Most of your rounds are depleted and there are only eight remaining.

---

“Ghost, you need to let me finish cooking dinner.” You gently tug his hands to request for him to do so.

He grumbles something non coherent and shakes his head. In response to your attempt to break his embrace, he tightens his arms and you are fully pressed against him. You are close enough to feel the heat of his body emanating through his clothes—a large grey hoodie you gifted him for Christmas with the print best boyfriend ever. He blushed something fierce when he first received it, but it soon very quickly became his favourite sweater.

It went with him everywhere and Simon nearly throttled Soap when he spilt something onto it. Fortunately, the stain was easily removed and the sergeant made off without a scratch. Profuse apologies from him are a funny memory to look back on.

You caress his cheek gently and he leans into your touch. Soft Ghost is rare to come by and who were you to deny your heart? He is, by all means, a big friendly teddy bear when you got to know him. Soft touches on your body and the playful glances are things he reserved for you solely. A privilege, the altar of your hips in hands gentle as wind.

“Simon, did something happen?” His eyelids flutter open at the mention of his name.

“The mission next week. The one with Shadow company.” Oh. Was he worried about the mission you were assigned to with Graves and his men?

“What about them?” His eyes are darting around and he struggles with how to express himself. How to make you listen and agree with him.

“Don’t go.”

“What? Simon, is this a joke?” You attempt to diffuse the tension in between you and him. He doesn’t seem to be joking and his eyes are set in a firm, unyielding look.

---

“Bravo zero six to command, how copy?” You yell into the radio among the chaos unfolding around you.

“Anyone? How copy?”

Silence hung from the line.

---

“Sweetheart, I—I don’t have a good feeling on Graves. I don’t want you all alone with him.” Was Simon jealous of Graves? He finally relents and lets you escape his hug.

“Simon, I didn’t know you were jealous, my sweet lad.” You joke and return to dicing the potatoes into cubes. He stays by your side and observes you making dinner.

“Graves knows that I am practically your fiancé. He won’t try anything funny and if he does,” he squeaks (he didn’t) when you sneak a kiss, “I’ll break his fingers.”

“Love, I—”

“Simon. Trust me, okay?” You grab his hand. His hand is calloused and you give it a firm reassuring squeeze, hoping the meaning reaches him. “It will be alright. The marines will be there as well and the op isn’t anything I haven’t handled before.”

He raises your hand from your waist to his chest. Palm covering yours presses it against his skin and you feel it. The chaotic beating of his heart, the way it beats for you. All for you, unspoken words hanging between you both.

“I don’t like it.”

“Me neither. But it’s the General’s orders so its not like we have a say in this either.”

---

Silence reestablishes its hold in the warehouse and you watch a marine drop onto the floor. Blood trickles from a spot in his flank and the marine falls, unmoving. His rifle falls beside him and a Shadow soldier shoots again.

You grip your rifle tighter and breathe deeply.

---

“Look at me.” He follows your order and focuses his gaze on you. The mighty Ghost, fully compliant with the orders of a sergeant makes you smile.

“I know that you don’t like this and I don’t too.” He balaclava shifts and but you cut him off. “But this is the last mission. Once I am done with this, I will be able to stay with you in the UK.”

Deep down, he knows about this as well. The carrot the SAS dangled over your head to take advantage of your skills and capabilities. Being a former hostile combatant defected to SAS soldier, your freedom was written in contracts signed eons ago.

Twenty high-risk operations in exchange for an immigrant visa that guaranteed long term stay in the UK.

Simon had found about them when you started becoming something more than just friends. Until now, you have completed nineteen missions satisfying the criteria.

“Just one more. Then I will get my visa and I’ll be able to stay here with you for as long as we want.” I’ll be free to go anywhere with you.

Your name rolls off his tongue in velvet honey and wine, “Don’t like this. I hate every aspect of this.”

“Don’t hate it so much, love. If it weren’t for Laswell, I wouldn’t even be here and alive. It’s the price I pay to be living and here with you.”

And I will never regret, ever, paying this price. For you, it’s all worth it.

---

The Shadow’s rifle impacts your helmet and if it weren’t for the two of them holding your arms up, you would have crumpled to the floor.

Their commander walks forward.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

---

“Once I am done with this mission, we can retire.”

“We can get that motorcycle you really wanted and we can decorate your flat.”

“Maybe get a cat as well.

“Dog, love. Riley’s looking for a home.”

“Then we need a room for the dog too. And a new house.”

You go over the schematics for the place Simon identified to be suitable for housing you, him, and Riley. It’s bigger than his current flat in London in a lovely neighbourhood north of London.

You show him the mock up of the space you had created and he leans in for a closer look.

“Looks good, love.”

“You say that for everything I do, brat.”

“I only tell the truth.”

Simon returns to his crossword puzzle and the room is comfortably silent.

“I can’t wait.”

You look at him, softness in your eyes rivalling clouds. “I can’t wait for us to start a new life together. Away from all the violence and bloodshed.”

He nods and you continue, “Can’t wait to finally get married to my fiancé.”

“I—That sounds amazing, love.”

“And I will get to do all of that with you.”

---

Graves tilts your head up and tsks.

“Look, you can either tell me where the missile is, or, I can make you tell me.”

His hand brushes against the metal sun with your dog tags.

“You won’t like it when I force you, sweetheart.”

---

Simon sneaks up from behind and you nearly jump at the sight of him in your mirror.

“Simon!” He chuckles and you give his shoulder a gentle punch. “Give me some warning, next time!”

“What’s the fun in that?” You pout and he sighs in affection. His pulls your close and presses kisses to your face. It’s ticklish and you shriek in mock protest and he is laughing in good natured fun.

“Got you something, love.”

Oh?

You watch his hand disappear into his pocket and retrieves a box. He nudges you to open it and you do. Inside the box, two metal ornaments. One resembles a sun and the other, a moon. He smiles at your gasp at the sight.

“These are beautiful, Simon.”

The sun is painted in an iridescent orange spilling into gold and red with filigrees of silver etches into the edges. The moon is an impossibly deep black embossed with gold filigrees. His hand picks up the sun.

“This is for you, love.” He gently affixes the sun to your dog tags and the moon to his own. He brings the two ornaments close together and they meld together in a magnetic clink. The lines and edges blur together and the sun and moon, unified in one.

You and Simon. Two halves of a whole. You are his sun and he, your moon. Symbolic is the meaning of the trinkets and you rest your head against his. His large hand cradles the trinkets and without him, you wouldn’t be whole.

“These—” His heart is thumping wildly and the words are hard to come by.

“These are my mother’s. S-she wanted me to share them with someone I deemed important.”

“Oh, Simon, I—”

“You are important to me.” He struggles for words. “The most important thing in my life.”

“I want to share them with you. To show you how much you mean to me.”

Tears of your heart are glistening from your eyes and he isn’t faring much better. He raises his balaclava to his nose and you smash your lips against his. He tastes of the freedom in the summer air of late July and his hands came to rest on your hips.

“Simon, you didn’t have to do this. I, I will always lo—”

“I know. This is just my turn to love you, love,” his words are harsh by the sheer emotion running between you and him.

---

The moon isn’t here and Graves tuts in disappointment.

“Look, sergeant, we don’t have all fucking day and I run a tight ship. Where. Is. The. Missile?”

Cuts and bruises litter your upper body, courtesy of the Shadows.

“Won’t talk? Round two, boys.”

One of the Shadows behind Graves walks forward with his knife. Your eyes are steel in the blade.

---

D-day is eventually here. The alarm wakes you and you roll lazily over to shut it off. Simon grumbles something and his hands seek out your body. He fingers brush across your flank and he is instantly holding on like a child to a teddy bear. The bed is warm and you are tempted to go back to sleep with him.

“Simon, I need to get to work.” You try to get him to relax his grip.

“Five … five more minutes.”

“I can’t. I need to be at the hangar in an hour and I still need to get ready.”

“Fuckin’ Price and the wankers for—”

The kiss muffles his words and brown eyes blearily open to the world. It distracts him enough to create enough of a chance for you to slip out of his grasp. He mutters something about the uncomfortable bedding and retreats to the toilet. You change into the combat uniform and use the toilet once Simon is done. When you are out, he is in a tactical jacket and camo pants.

He drags out a chair before the table with a mirror.

“Sit here.” You oblige and see him rummaging through his drawer.

He returns with a brush and eye black. He unscrews the cap and instructs you to lean your head black and close your eyes. Fingers gently press onto your face and you remain perfectly still, soldier discipline and all. His ministrations are gently and thorough and fingers are replaced with a brush moving across your skin.

You sneak open an eye to see Simon in full concentration mode, eyes focused solely on your face. He stopped sleeping with the balaclava a few months ago after confiding in you just how uncomfortable it was. So you wake every morning to Simon and all of his features. Adonis look held by a face sculpted by the Gods to reflect the beauty of man. He is, for the lack of words, insanely and undoubtedly handsome and you cherish just how lucky you are to see him.

“Thought I said eyes closed, sergeant.”

“Hmm, couldn’t resist looking at you. You are just too handsome for the world, Simon.”

Pink dusts his cheeks in smatterings and drapes him in youth. Without his mask, his expressions are on full display and the upturn of the edges of his mouth and the blush on his face. Simon is everything you could ask for and he finishes up your war makeup with the last strokes.

“Give ‘em hell, love.”

“You bet your arse I will. They don’t call us the 141 for nothing.”

He gives your forehead a quick kiss.

“When you return, we will celebrate.” You agree with him.

---

“Sergeant, why the fuck won’t you cooperate!”

You jerk when Graves’ hand leaves a deep red imprint in your face. Pain blossoms from the impact area and it’s a dull sensation compared to the torture his men had inflicted on you over the past hour? Hours?

Time is a blur and you have no way of knowing. You can only hope that the 141 figures out that something is wrong somehow.

---

He thunders down the hallways of the base; boots slamming against the floor. The other soldiers stay out of the reaper’s way and the door to the control room slams open. He steps out to get dinner rations and the dreaded message arrives.

Price and the American commanders look at him.

“Lieutenant, you have no—”

“Shut the hell up. Where is my sergeant?”

Deep sucks of breath and Price intervenes before the American Major is on the receiving end of a punch.

“Ghost, we are re-establishing contact. Hold on—”

“Good evening, gentlemen.”

“Shadow Commander Graves! Explain yourself right now.” The Major beats Price to the mic.

“Major Williams, there has been a change of plans. We have new orders to take the missile by force and the other soldiers on the mission have been dismissed.”

“Graves! What are—”

“General Shepherd sends his regards. If you have any problems, you can take it up with him.”

Sounds of struggling and yelling. Then, another voice.

“Ghost! Graves—fuck!—The others are all dead! The Shadows are taking the missile!” Followed by sounds of fighting and conflict.

He recognises the voice to be yours. Your name slips pass his iron jaw as he yells into his radio. Decorum is the last thing on his mind and your callsign is discarded.

“You need to strike this location! Graves is—” A sharp grunt and Ghost panics.

“Fucking grade A shit. Stay fucking down!” The sounds of yelling comes through choppy and broken by static.

“Your fucking sergeant gave me a black eye! That’s fucking it. I’ve fucking had it.”

All the stares from the people in the room but he doesn’t give a toss. Not when your life is on the line.

“Don’t you dare fucking touch them!”

---

“Don’t you dare fucking touch them!”

That’s Ghost’s voice. You have to get up from the floor and do something. The wound in your flank is aching fierce and nausea washes over you in waves. Moving into a kneel takes all of your mental faculties. You reach for the handgun in your thigh holster and a hand backhands you into a sprawl onto your back.

Arms drag you into a kneel and you stare down the barrel of the gun. Graves is behind the gun and looking worse for wear. A bruised lip and a black eye where you punched him. The sun ornament is burning up into lines of time ending in now.

“Any last words, sergeant?”

“Leave them alone! You touch them and I—”

You use the last reserves of your strength to bid your last goodbye to him. “Simon, I—I lo—”

Graves’ doesn’t wait for you to finish.

---

The line clicked dead and dread was all he could feel. His desperate calls for any response fell on silence. The world had shut him out and the radio ceased to transmit. Graves was no longer reachable and rogue. Price had his face in his hands and the Major opted to leave the room.

The gunshot was deafening, more so than usual. Graves wouldn’t even allow him the dignity of hearing your final words. He shouldn’t have ever agreed to let you leave. And now, all he reaped was guilt and regret. Heaps of it.

---

The sun ornament was still on the body.

He dreaded this, going to the mortuary when the bodies were recovered. Mission twenty. Just when you were about to free of the contract imposed years ago, fate had to strike you down and take you away from him.

All that was left was the moon. Alone in its splendour never as bright as when it was with the sun. The rest of the 141 steered clear of him and his hand found yours.

“Wake up, please. Love. Please, don’t leave me here …”

Tears of too late dripped onto the body below. Before he left, the dog tags were added to his own and the sun ornament with it.

“You wanted a yard right? A place where you could plant tulips and roses? Love, come back to me. You promised and we … we haven’t even gotten married yet.”

Price joined Ghost.

“They aren’t coming back, Simon.”

That was what truly broke him, knowing the rest of his time walking on this earth, he would be alone.

His companion, a distant memory, and a visage of brighter times.

---

The reaper dances.

They say that if one chances upon the cemetery outside a military base in the outskirts of London, they can catch the sight of a man dancing with another person. Dressed out in their splendorous wedding attire and in the arms of a man with a skull mask dancing through the fields of lilies and lavender. A wedding that never occurred and never to occur.

A dead person and the skull man on the fields of forgotten time stained with the red of countless Shadow soldiers laying around the couple.

Ever as beautiful as the day they died, in the arms of their lover for eons to come. The reaper weeps for nobody but the person in their arms. Eventually, to ashes and dust they become and the sun and moon are all but a story people tell their children.

If lucky, one of them may even find the ornaments in the story.

---

Let’s be lucky people, you and me.

You make me lucky, love. As lucky as a man like me can ever be.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

INTRODUCING: TERRIFIC TWOSDAY because what's better than one rec? that's right, two.

Happy Tuesday, everyone! ... Or should I say TWOSDAY? In an effort to get through my TBR list and to shout about things I've been meaning to shout about for far too (two) long, I am going to be turning every Tuesday into Two Recs Day. I'll be highlighting two works in each category that I loved and that I know you'll love, too (2)! Check them out, and remember to show some love to the creators!!

Two Series Recs: This week, I am going with two series that are currently in progress. I know that finished works often get a lot of focus. As they should! I can tell you first hand that seeing a whole series through to the end is a TALL ORDER. But you know what is also very freaking cool? Hopping on board while the train is still in motion, catching up with previous chapters and waiting excitedly to see where the train is taking you! So without further ado, here are the two trains that I recommend you all hop on this week.

LIMINALITY by @something-tofightfor

Frankie Morales x F!Reader

Wolf AU + “forbidden romance”

9 Parts in so far (plus extras + POV switches)

Thrills. Chills. Swoons. Moons. This story is brimming with excitement and adrenaline… not to mention the heat. (Frankie is a whole entire menace, as he should be.) All the guys are here (yes, that does include Tom 🙄) and they are all captured so perfectly, as is their friendship with one another and with Frankie. It features a very confident, brave, badass reader, ancient lore, supernatural elements, family business, and one heck of a connection between our main characters. Every chapter flies by and leaves you wanting - needing - more, and now is an excellent time to let yourself get hooked on this one, because the action is only ramping up from here!

PASSENGER by @whatsnewalycat

Din Djarin x OFC!Charlie

Modern Trucker AU + dog Grogu

6 Parts in so far

Are you looking for a new OC to fall in love with and want to protect with your life? How about a morally gray long-hauler who moonlights as a bounty hunter? Well you’re in luck because this story has BOTH. It’s also got incredibly high stakes juxtaposed with really sweet, human moments. Charlie is one of the most charming OCs I’ve ever met (which happens to be one of her rules to live by- all of which are good advice for anyone to follow, IMO) and Din’s characterization is so very well done - as is Grogu’s. The theme of delivering the bounty vs doing what’s right is very present and extremely well done, and watching these characters warm up to each other and blur the lines is truly a treat. Get caught up and hitch a ride for the rest of the journey, because I know it’s only going to get better from here!

Two One Shot Recs:

GREATEST OF ALL TIME by @gnpwdrnwhiskey

Dieter Bravo x OFC!Ava

Meet cute + “Do you believe in aliens?”

Dieter needs a break from work and the hullabaloo that comes along with it, and has enlisted the help of his assistant to book him a solo getaway so he can just relax, reset and revive the vibes. Sounds great, right? It is, until he gets turned around and off the beaten track in the middle of the desert and meets the enigmatic Ava and her faithful pal Goat… who might be more than your average Great Dane. After a misunderstanding about where he’s supposed to be, Dieter realizes that the airstream desert oasis under the stars is exactly where he’s meant to be.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE DAUGHTERS by @sixhours

Joel & Ellie

Part of an existing universe

Even though I’ve not yet read the series that this one shot takes place in, it’s immediately gone on my list due to this little interlude. This is such a good character study of Joel and of Ellie - of what they’ve been through, what they want for each other, and how their relationship has grown and changed. It’s got some really beautiful lines and heartwarming/heartbreaking feelings. I love these two forever and ever, and this little slice of life shows just how much they love each other, too. Joel Miller is Dad of the century. Period. The end.

Two Art Recs:

Ezra & Cee Jammin’ by @thekawaiifruitworld

Literally every time this artist draws these two, my heart grows ten sizes to accommodate how much more I love them. JUST LOOK AT THEM! So goofy, so happy, so whole and healthy and and and..!

Joel Strummin’ by @nic0o-o

I whimpered when I first saw this masterpiece, and you will, too. Just go. Just go look. Look at his beauty. I dare you not to be in your feelings about this man after seeing this piece.

[aquaquadrant]

literally just zoomed through yalls htp au and i havent seen anyone talk about it but i find it SO interesting how Bravo, who is supposed to be the GOOD overworlder, is rather prideful and honestly just a dick while Tango, supposedly his EVIL counterpart, is just the sweetest guy. i cant imagine how Tango is derived from the worst parts of Bravo, if im understanding hels correctly. Tango is such a good person, while Bravo is rude to everyone with the worst attitude. it was just something i picked up so quickly. if the universe put him in hels in the first place, there must be a reason why the universe swapped his place with his overworld counterpart.

on another note! with the release of secret life, and what we've seen so far, how do you think htp!tango would fare in this new killing game? i cant help but imagine that with the entire gimmick being keeping secrets that he would be rather stressed, knowing he had hidden stuff from his friends already-- lying doesnt make him feel like a good person (but he isnt supposed to be that, some small part of him is whispering, knowing hes from hels, is all of the "bad" parts of bravo)

anyways! this is all i will be able to think of for the rest of the week /vpos and i hope you (and everyone who may be reading this at any given time) have a great rest of spooky month!

well THANK YOU this was a lovely message to receive, and i’m glad you’re enjoying the au ^^

i’ve talked a little bit about this here and there, but i’ll never pass up the chance to ramble more. there are a few key things about bravo and tango that make them different from the average overworld-hels pair.

ANALYSIS/RAMBLE BELOW

first off, most of what we’ve seen of tango has been set during double life, which is ten years after he escaped hels, so he’s had ten years of growth. we see very little of him before this, and in those scenes he’s got the benefit of being largely alone. the only player he interacts with is xisuma, who tango immediately realizes he needs to ‘trick.’ so his interaction with x in part one isn’t how tango would’ve interacted with virtually any other player in hels at that time.

we see from the flashback in part five that younger pre-hels tek tango was borderline feral- he chose to attack atlas on sight instead of trying to hide, or leave before he was seen, or even see why atlas was there. now, atlas wins him over fairly quickly because tango is young and naive and secretly craving positive interaction, but even in that brief interaction tango is a bit more prideful than his older self. that, of course, got beaten out of him at hels tek.

bravo, on the other hand, we follow closely during his ten years in hels. when he first arrives in part two, he’s a little snide and privately judgemental, sure, but he starts out perfectly decent towards timmy. he tries to maintain that civility and ‘niceness’ as he interacts with more and more hels players, but gradually loses his willpower as he gets beaten down and frustrated, even losing his temper. and after he fully snaps and gets his first kills, he all but abandons the notion of being ‘nice’, though privately he still thinks of himself as inherently better than hels players (atlas’s manipulation certainly doesn’t help matters, either).

but perhaps the biggest point is to look at what traits tango actually got from bravo, and that would be his rage. bravo is most similar to tango when he’s angry; his first little temper tantrum in part two is where it’s best illustrated, because all instances after that have been influenced by his time in hels. but you’ll notice that we have yet to see tango truly angry in the HTP series (he did revert back to an almost feral mindset when the ranch got attacked, but that was an instinctive defense mechanism. there was no conscious thought behind those decisions, and they were purely fueled by fear, not anger). that will be where his ‘hels’ really shines through.

there’s one other bravo trait amplified in tango that i haven’t revealed yet. it’s something that tango has figured out how to sort of ‘mask’ via other more acceptable coping mechanisms- if you can call it that- and actually forms a fairly significant part of his personality. stay tuned :3

as for secret life, it’d be a complicated situation for sure. on one hand, their goals are less outright malicious- just complete the tasks and try to survive (at least for now). in a way, it almost takes away accountability for their actions if they turn out to be harmful- “i had to, it was my secret task!” so that’s nice to fall back on. but still, tango would be very on edge. not only with the discomfort of having to lie to his friends, but never knowing if they’re lying to him, too. boi’s got them trust issues fr.

[tupperwaretub]

im not sure if you do or not but if you write for dieter can you do a sub!dieter bravo x male reader?? tysm! <3

Opposites Attract

Pairing:

Sub!bottom!Dieter Bravo x dom!top!(model)male!reader

(a/n): tysm for the request! You're my first ever request so i got to writing this as soon as I saw it, i hope you enjoy! And sorry for the wait I've been pretty unmotivated.

Warnings: rough smut (handcuffs, blindfolding, light choking), loud sex, lots of hickeys, desperate/needy sex, 'sir' kink, dirty talk.

Summary: You're a model who got most of your fame from modelling underwear , so when you were cast for Cliff Beasts 6 you were shocked to say the least - and not entirely happy about the quarantining but you come to find its not all bad...

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Finally it was the last day of your quarantine, later that evening you were able to go down to the bar and see people, you were pretty damn anxious, you hadn't seen anyone other than Gunther in two weeks. You also hadn't done a whole lot other than masturbate for two weeks... But you were still ecstatic obviously.

You were quick to shower, brush your teeth and get into the nicest button down you brought with you - you were new to the cliff beast movies having only just watched them in your quarantine with nothing better to do, they were god awful but the pay was alright so you decided complaining can wait until later.

When the time finally came when you were allowed out of your room you jumped up off of your bed you were sitting and quickly left your room, even the Hallway was refreshing. You made you way down to the bar, the hotel you were in was astonishing and you were so happy to finally be able to take in your surroundings.

You were one of the first people to arrive at the bar there was really just Gunther, Bola and someone sat on a chair in the corner - he was quite scruffy so you assumed he must be part of the cast having just come out of quarantine, you did notice he wasn't wearing very clean clothes and had glasses on indoors but ignored it wanting to make the best impression possible.

"hey there I'm y/n" you say walking up to him with a wide smile. He takes a while to finally look up at you seemingly not having the energy to be here. When he saw who you were he seemed shocked "you uh- do- modelling right?" He asks.

"yeah! I've done modelling for quite a few big brands!" You go on rambling about the different designer brands you've worked with. "You're really hot." The scruffy man Infront of you blurts out. You blush at his forward remark, you're not entirely weirded out, you're more flattered than anything. As a model you've usually been told you're not good enough for certain brands but to be told someone thinks you're hot to your face and not just on some thirst thread on twitter, it made you feel warm inside. "O-oh thanks, so..... Your name?" You ask still quite flustered. "Dieter." He stands up and is eye level with you, you can feel him staring at your features through his sunglasses.

"so, Dieter. What's with the sunglasses?" You ask trying to make some conversation. He quickly blurts out an 'oh!' and takes them off, he had really beautiful eyes... Suddenly the silence builds again and tension is high, it doesn't feel like anger or hate or anything relatively awkward but more sexual. You found Dieter really endearing, you were thinking about inviting him to your room but decided against it because you'd only just met he'd surely not want to go that far with you after just meeting-

"do you want to have sex with me?" He asks breaking your train of thought. You bit your lip and considered for a moment, if you want to have sex with him... And he wants to have sex with you... "Yes." You say quickly as you grabbed his wrist and started quickly directing him up to your room, everyone else can wait you hadn't been inside someone in so long. You were pretty desperate.

As soon as your door closed you had him pinned against it kissing him hungry for any sort of physical contact. Dieter kissing back with just as much hunger had your already hard cock twitching inside your pants. You pulled off his shirt and chucked it to the floor not caring as to where it would end up, your hands slowly were slowly caressing Dieters sides as you both slowly moved towards the bed.

You pushed him down gently so he was sitting infront of you and he quickly starting fumbling with your zipper. You grabbed the sides of his face and directed him to look at you "wait, wait." He looked at you in confusion. "I gotta ask. Is there anything you aren't into? Anything you want me to avoid?" You only ask because you were aware not many people were really into the same stuff as you. "No, no, I'll do anything with you." His hands were resting beside your bulge causing you to sigh as you tried to stifle your moan.

You stepped away for just a moment and reached into your suitcase you had been living out of, you reached in and pulled out a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs and a tie. You placed the tie to the side and when you looked back Dieter had his arms reached out with a pleading look, the sight caused the tightness of your pants to become almost painful - you wanted to fuck him so bad but you also needed to make sure he was comfortable.

"if at any time you want to stop, just say..." You quickly looked around the room and saw a KitKat wrapper on your bed side table next to your bottle of lube. "...kitkat."

He looked at you "kitkat?" You just nodded, it was an odd one but anything works.

You place the cuffs around Dieters wrists making sure to ask if he's comfortable, once the cuffs were on Dieter stood up and twisted you both around so now he was stood infront of you as you were sat on the bed. He got onto his knees and moved between your legs, you helped him with your zipper and getting your pants down, along with your underwear. The feeling of your cock finally being released from your relatively tight pants had you letting out a quiet groan.

Dieter started stroking your cock causing you to moan pretty loudly "you have a really nice cock." He says looking up at you with his pretty eyes. You tap his chin "just start sucking." He didnt think twice before he started licking and sucking your cock, the feeling was indescribable. Your hand was in Dieters hair as he bobbed up and down on your cock, the room was filled with lewd 'oh yeahs' and 'oh fucks'.

It wasnt long before you pulled away from Dieter not wanting to cum just yet, thats when you realised you didn't bring any condoms, the one thing you needed in this moment you didn't have. "I fucking forgot condoms." You say annoyed with yourself. "We could do it without one." Dieter suggests. You bite your lip and smile at him "that'll work, get yourself on the bed." You say as you grab the lube and the tie you had taken out, when you looked back Dieter was sat in the middle of the bed with his pants off, finally fully naked and waiting for you. You place the lube and the tie on the bed next to him as you start to unbutton your shirt and put it on a clothes hanger, there was no way in hell you were going to let your best shirt get ruined.

You walk back over to Dieter whos starting to get ansty "whats the tie for" he asks. "I'm gonna blindfold you, is that okay?" You ask picking up the tie, he nods frantically and you tie the tie around his eyes. "Comfortable?" You ask and he nods.

You then direct your attention towards the lube, "hands above your head i dont want to see them move" you say as you gently push Dieter onto his back. "Yes sir." The honorific made you feel hot and you felt you face flush.

You quickly applied lube to your fingers and Dieters hole, once you were happy with the amount of lube you had applied you slowly started inserting a finger into his ass. "Shit you're tight, i bet it's been so long since you've been fucked huh?" You moan out. Dieter just nodded frantically in response.

You waited until he was grinding against your finger to add another, then you began to move your fingers in a scissor motion trying to stretch him out as well as you could not wanting to hurt him. "You've got a pretty cock." You tease him by using your other hand to lightly stroke the base of his cock making him whimper. Once he felt loose enough you placed yourself between his legs, you tried not to bring him too much pleasure wanting to save the best part till now. You wiped whatever lube was left on your hand onto your cock knowing you didn't need much with how wet and stretched out Dieters ass was.

You put your tip at his entrance causing him to squirm, you then slowly pushed into Dieter your cock sliding in easier than you expected. Dieter was writhing and moaning beneath you and you let out a deep groan as you bottomed out. You took the chance to have a few deep breaths as you let Dieter adjust, you admired his body your hands roaming around his torso and littering kisses and hickeys on his chest.

When Dieter gave you the okay to start moving you began to slowly thrust in and out of him, savouring each and every movement. Your face instantly nussled into his shoulder as you let out loud moans, Deiter was grabbing and pulling at your hair letting out long moans of pure ecstasy.

"please. Please. Ah-" Dieter moans out.

"please what baby, tell me what you want."

"faster! Faster please!"

You bit your lip and slowly pulled out of Dieter causing him to whine as the emptiness for him then to let out a loud moan when you thrusted back into him with force. You were pounding into his ass with your hand around his throat choking him lightly.

Dieter was a complete mess under you just letting out hot moans in complete bliss. You moved your hand down from his neck to grip his hip, replacing the place on his neck with your lips leaving dark hickeys. You slowly moved up his neck to his lips where you encased him in a desperate kiss.

When you broke for air you were both moaning into each others mouths, both getting close to your limit.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm gonna- ah-" Dieter manages to scramble some words together. "Come on, ahh- cum for me baby." You moan in sync with your deep thrusts.

Suddenly you feel Dieter tighten around you and strings of cum shoot up his chest, the tightening of his ass had you closing in on your release faster than you expected.

"where do you want me baby?" You moan into Dieters ear.

Dieter, still out if breath manages to huff out "my face, my face."

Feeling at your wits end you quickly pull out and within a few strokes you had painted Dieters face with your cum.

You flop next to him to gather yourself before going to bathroom and getting a cloth to wipe him down with. You took the tie off of his eyes and watched him blink to readjust to the light in the room, you flashed him a quick smile before taking off the cuffs on his wrists.

Once Dieter was nice and clean you lay beside him again wrapping your arms around him, his hands bury themselves in your hair brushing through it. "That was so fucking good..." Dieter says breaking the comfortable silence you had. "Mm.. yeah i agree." You reply still in a state of bliss.

"we should do that again." Dieter says, laying a kiss on your chin. "Well not now, im exhausted... Lets shower and go to sleep, yeah?" Dieter nods and you both make your way to the bathroom.

A round two was then shared against the bathroom door...

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A/n: sorry this took so long I've been in a complete writers block/ slump recently. But i hope you enjoyed :)