#for anyone still struggling

[comic-sans-chan]

Well, I've been thinking about it again, and I've come to the conclusion there is no version of Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship that wouldn't have ended in a breakup. Maybe if Gabriel hadn't shown up, it wouldn't have come so quickly, but it always would have happened this way.

Not to link fandoms, but this was an issue we ran into with another show ages ago. I was a teenager in that fandom and it was a bittersweet comfort show about child neglect, alcohol abuse and growing up too fast, and the main ship was incredibly dysfunctional. This made sense, because both characters had baggage. The show promised again and again, these two are soulmates and will end up together eventually, but when it ended, the creator of the show said, "Yeah, I want to make a sequel where they're older and have broken up." This was devastating to many of us. I outright ignored it for a while. True love means forever, why would they break up? The creator promised they would end up happy together, so this separation period made no sense. How can two people be right and wrong? But as I got older and the world's shapes began to take on more definition, the more sense it made. Of course they would break up. They were both already broken.

I think with a lot of stories, particularly the ones we come back to again and again, we tend to fall into similarly comfortable conclusions about those stories. Of course, once a story is over, why would anyone's first instinct be to come up with ways in which the ending is doomed? Good Omens ended with Aziraphale and Crowley fighting to be together and winning, so we accepted that. What they have is true love and true love is forever. That's supposed to be the end.

But it's not. Of course it's not.

Crowley is from a household of abuse. Two households. He started out innocent and ended up falling into a hole with a bunch of other angry children and got the innocence beaten out of him over six thousand years. Only, he still had a friend from that old household. A good one. That friend was like him but smarter, more careful, so he learned from him. He learned to be cautious. He learned to keep secrets. And he loved his friend to the point it became an obsession to keep him safe from both physical and emotional harm. He didn't want Aziraphale to ever have to go through what he did. That obsession turned into its own kind of damnation, for both of them.

Aziraphale is still in that old house, but he does know how to keep his mouth shut and his head down. He knows not to ask questions. He knows not to make suggestions. He just does his job, takes the hits with a smile, and figures out ways to be happy in secret. He rebels quietly, where no one can see him. One of his key characteristics is that he's intelligent. It shows.

They've grown up on opposite sides of a fence. They've argued since the beginning. They agree on outcomes but never the footpaths to those outcomes. They've never totally seen eye-to-eye, they've always tried to twist the other to their way of thinking, they've never quite respected each other. This was clear in Season 1 already, but Season 2 shows that they still don't know how to work together. They're more aware of the other's plans now, but those plans are never the same. Aziraphale thinks Crowley's plans are silly, is unsurprised when they fail. Crowley thinks Aziraphale is being all-around ridiculous, is only willing to humor him up to a point. They swap places again with Aziraphale driving Crowley's car and Crowley running the shop, but Aziraphale changes the Bentley to suit him and Crowley throws books haphazardly about. They adore each other, but there's no respect, and this is what culminates in their breakup.

It's a painful truth, but children of abuse often end up in dysfunctional relationships. When you have no idea what love looks like, it's hard to emulate. That's just the way it is. The dysfunctional beliefs that spring forth from abuse need to be unlearned and the realities of how life and love really work need to be trained. It's no wonder Aziraphale and Crowley love humans so much, then--we've shown them possibilities they never could have dreamed of. But it's not enough.

Crowley learned to hide, so he hides. He doesn't believe in happily ever after. He never chased Aziraphale because he thought retirement with him would be joyful; he only chased him because he loved him. He doesn't move into the bookshop. He doesn't tell Aziraphale he's living in his car. He doesn't tell Aziraphale the full extent of Gabriel's evil or Shax's threats. He hides in his car and thinks of how to keep Aziraphale safe and unburdened. He yells at humans to feed the ducks correctly and gets drunk. He knows how tenuous safety is, so he doesn't feel safe. That's it, that was the ending he fought for. The ending he expected.

Aziraphale does believe in happily ever after, though. He expected Crowley to stay in the bookshop, but Crowley simply wouldn't. He tries to goad him over in every way he can think of, but it never works. Crowley maintains distance, maintains the clearly set boundary lines of "mine" and "yours." Aziraphale has fully accepted Their Side, but his idea of Their Side is different from Crowley's. He expected the world. He expected big sweeping kisses and dancing and sharing everything with each other. He calls Crowley constantly and Crowley runs to his side every time he needs him, but he always leaves after. Aziraphale fought for safety and believes he won it. This wasn't the ending Aziraphale expected.

It's easy to imagine now, when you take a step back and really absorb the landscape, Neil and Terry discussing sequels and saying, "Well, of course they would separate, so the sequel would begin with that. They've split, Aziraphale is back in Heaven trying to fix things, and we go from there." It's not the first time they've broken up, but it is the first time they've been able to be properly together, so of course it wouldn't work. Not right away. Not at first.

They're just at the beginning of the unlearning, and we go from there.

[tofixtheshadows]

So I've been thinking lately about how Mithrun is Kabru's dark mirror (more on that another time- it needs its own post), and I thought it interesting that one of their parallels is that they were both cared for by Milsiril, but in opposite directions. She took Kabru in as her foster after he was orphaned and tried to convince him not to become an adventurer. On the flip side, she helped rehabilitate Mithrun specifically so that he could rejoin the Canaries.

And I kept wondering: why?

For Kabru, obviously she loves him a whole lot- despite any other shortcomings in their relationship, I do believe that.

So I get why she tries to convince him not to go dungeoning, and, failing that, at least prepares him as thoroughly as she can.

But why help Mithrun? She used to hate Mithrun, but after realizing what a secretly twisted person he was, she actually thought of him more positively (oh, Milsiril). So it wasn't as if she held the kind of grudge that might motivate her to make his already-depleted life even more miserable by sending him back to the dungeons. And it wasn't that she felt bad for him either, since she didn't visit Mithrun for the first ~20 years of his recovery.

The Adventurer's Bible says that Utaya was the impetus for Mithrun returning to the Canaries, but Milsiril is the one who made the trip to see him and tell him about it.

Why would Milsiril work so hard to get her old coworker back into fighting fit? Why encourage him to return to such a dangerous lifestyle, when she was the one who chose not to mercy-kill him?

That last panel is such a crazy thing to hint at and then never elaborate on. Without it we could have just thought that Milsiril wanted the Canaries' work to continue without her, even if it seemed out of character. I think some people even assume she's just a natural caretaker as a foster mom and handwave it to include nursing Mithrun too. What could Milsiril's suspicious motives be? What does she gain from Mithrun joining the Canaries that isn't an altruistic desire to see dungeons safely sealed? Feeling a sense of responsibility for the work she left behind isn't an ulterior motive.

My theory is: Milsiril, knowing that Mithrun was empty save for the burning desire to face the demon again, wound him up like a clockwork doll and pointed him back at the dungeons.

Hoping that he'd eliminate the biggest threat to Kabru's life, before it was too late for him.

Milsiril the puppetmaster.

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[wheat-angel]

For any selfshipper out there who finds themselves low on energy a lot, physically or mentally, to where it's hard to take care of yourself everyday:

You're F/Os still love you.

It's hard to find the time or energy to shower? They help you set a routine, but they won't scold you if you miss a day for whatever reason, there's always tommorow.

Cleaning up after yourself not coming easily? C'mon, let's do one thing at a time together. Maybe picking up one specific item and putting those away. Or maybe choosing a small section of the room that's "messy" to focus on.

Chores need to be done, and you're overwhelmed? Let's turn it into a game. Maybe a point for each thing you get done. Or maybe with each part of it complete, you get to get a little reward for them, and if you collect all of the little rewards, you get the big prize, hm?

Finding it impossible to cook for yourself? It's alright, even if you microwave something or order out, all that matters is that you're eating.

Missing medications? You'll be rewarded with hugs if you go do that for them, because that's important. And if it's got to be at a specific time, then your F/O will help you through the day as best they can.

All they ask of you is that you do what you can. They know it's hard and tough, but for you, they'll try to be as patient as they can. You need to take care of yourself because they want to see you being alright and getting through day by day.

They love you. Platonically, familialy, or romantically, it doesn't matter. They love you and care about you.

You're doing your best. Be patient with yourself like how'd they'd be patient with you. If you need to push yourself to do it, then let your F/Os be the ones trying to motivate you to do it if that helps you.

~~♡~~

If anyone reblogs with tags or comments about how gross or disgusting these kinds of people are, you will be blocked on sight. Don't shame people for their struggles when you don't know them.

Also Pr0///shippers, their supporters and neutrals DNI. Everyone deserves human support like this and don't deserve to die, but this specific post is not for you.

[potato-lord-but-not]

mostly tma doodles with some sillies sprinkled in

[might-be-a-potato]

GLAMROCK BONNIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the most bestest boy literally ever and i am sososososososo very happy we got a canon design for him now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

version w/ out text vvvv

[siriusly-the-best-bi]

wow so I have like 3 analysis in progress that touch on this topic but I really need to just talk about it rn with its own spotlight.

Aziraphale has this entire life that he's built for himself on earth, after armageddon he's thriving. When we catch up with him in Season 2 his first scene is literally him going to check in with one of his tenants, and throughout the season we see that he has a decent relationship with nearly Everyone on the block. He has an entire life for himself all hashed out and pretty.

Crowley... does not. His cold open in Season 2 is back in St. James park, checking in with Shax, finding out the gossip on Hell. He doesn't have his apartment, he only has his Bentley and the few plants he could fit in it. He doesn't have any other human friendships. His entire life and everything he loves to do is built entirely around Aziraphale.

This is something that I just find so fucking thrilling because when it comes to their characters and where exactly they are in their arcs right now, it's essentially like looking into a mirror.

Aziraphale knows exactly who he is when he's on his own. He nurtures his own relationships with humans he sees often, he's a nice landlord, he loves books and classical music, and hot cocoa. But, Aziraphale still holds onto the ideals of heaven. He still cares about doing good and being forgiving. He still cowers and jumps at the opportunity to help heaven, not because he wants to but because he's supposed to because he's still an angel.

Crowley has nothing. He has his car, which he drives to a secluded location to park every night, only to drive it right back in the morning. He's only even vaguely recognizable because people associate him with Aziraphale and this is fine for him, he could care less. He doesn't really need to know who he is or process his traumas, why would he when he can put all his attention and focus and love and care directly into Aziraphale? His friend, who has always been his friend, the one person who has always stood by him. Who cares about heaven and hell, he has Aziraphale.

When we finally see them on their own and without the influences of their head offices, we see the opposite of what we'd expect, and nearly the opposite of the outcome we see in episode 6. Crowley is the one constantly checking in with Hell (wether he likes it or not), and Aziraphale is the one who's living care free without even thinking about heaven. When he does something good that he wants to report, he just calls Crowley.

this whole dance of Crowley not knowing who he is without Aziraphale and Aziraphale knowing who he is fundamentally but not knowing how to break free from the confines of Heaven that stop him from truly embracing Crowley in the end, it's just so delicious.

[nothingbizzare]

Mother

[iloveacronix]

Made some Lego tutorials for my friends and anybody else who would like to learn, (at least a bit!) Sorry if my explanations are a bit funky😭😭

Tagging my pookies @yourlocalkitkat @captaintacosworld

[mobius-m-mobius]

Hey! Change of subject. I thought of an answer. To what? Your question.

Lokius + reflection for anon

[oneluckydragon]

"Suddenly the world was gray and dull and my heart was so heavy I felt like I couldn’t move, let alone make it back to Treasure Town. But because of Echo’s last wish… I was able to keep living.”

--- --- --- --- ---

SORA : (Partner)

Abilities: Justified / Inner Focus

Nature: Gentle / Hardy

Moveset: Aura Sphere / Metal Claw / Poison Jab / Dragon Pulse

[angelsdean]

I need people to understand how S&P (standards and practices) works in television and how much influence they have over what gets to stay IN an episode of a show and how the big time network execs are the ones holding the purse strings and making final decisions on a show's content, not the writers / showrunners / creatives involved.

So many creators have shared S&P notes over the years of the wild and nonsensical things networks wanted them to omit / change / forbid. Most famously on tumblr, I've seen it so many times, is the notes from Gravity Falls. But here's a post compiling a bunch of particularly bad ones from various networks too. Do you see the things they're asking to be changed / cut ?

Now imagine, anything you want to get into your show and actually air has to get through S&P and the network execs. A lot of creators have had to resort to underhanded methods. A lot of creators have had to relegate things to subtext and innuendo and scenes that are "open to interpretation" instead of explicit in meaning. Things have had to be coded and symbolized. And they're relying on their audience to be good readers, good at media literacy, to notice and get it. This stuff isn't the ramblings of conspiracy theorists, it's the true practices creatives have had to use to be able to tell diverse stories for ages. The Hays Code is pretty well known, it exists because of censorship. It was a way to symbolize certain things and get past censors.

Queercoding, in particular, has been used for ages in both visual media and literature do signal to queer audiences that yes, this character is one of us, but no, we can't be explicit about it because TPTB won't allow it. It's a wink-wink, nudge-nudge to those in the know. It's the deliberate use of certain queer imagery / clothing / mannerisms / phrases / references to other queer media / subtle glances and lingering touches. Things that offer plausible deniability and can be explained away or go unnoticed by straight audiences to get past those network censors. But that queer viewers WILL (hopefully) pick up on.

Because, unfortunately, still to this day, a lot of antiquated network execs don't think queer narratives are profitable. They don't think they'll appeal to general audiences, because that's what matters, whatever appeals to most of the audience demographic so they can keep watching and keep making the network more money. The networks don't care about telling good stories! Most of them are old white cishet business men, not creatives. They don't care about character arcs and what will make fans happy. They don't care about storytelling. What they care about is profit and they're basing their ideas of what's profitable on what they believe is the predominate target demographic, usually white cis heterosexual audiences.

So, imagine a show that started airing in the early 2000s. Imagine a show where the two main characters are based on two characters from a famous Beat Generation novel, where one of the characters is queer! based on a real like bisexual man! The creator is aware of this, most definitely. And sure, it's 2005, there's no way they were thinking of making that explicit about Dean in the text because it just wouldn't fly back then to have a main character be queer. But! it's made subtext. And there are nods to that queerness placed in the text. Things that are open to interpretation. Things that are drenched in metaphor (looking at you 1x06 Skin "I know I'm a freak" "maybe this thing was born human but was different...hated. Until he learned to become someone else.") Things that are blink-and-you-miss-it and left to plausible deniability (things like seemingly spending an hour in the men's bathroom, or always reacting a little vulnerable and awkward when you're clocked instead of laughing it off and making a homophobic joke abt it)

And then, years later there's a ship! It's popular and at first the writers aren't really seriously thinking about it but they'll throw the fans a bone here and there. Then, some writers do get on the destiel train and start actively writing scenes for them that are suggestive. And only a fraction of what they write actually makes it into the text. So many lines left on the cutting room floor: i love past you. i forgive you i love you. i lost cas and it damn near broke me. spread cas's ashes alone. of course i wanted you to stay. if cas were here. -- etc. Everything cut was not cut by the writers! Why would a writer write something to then sabotage their own story and cut it? No, these are things that didn't make it past the network. Somewhere a note was made maybe "too gay" or "don't feed the shippers" or simply "no destiel."

So, "no destiel." That's pretty clearly the message we got from the CW for years. "No destiel. Destiel will alienate our general audience. Two of our main characters being queer? And in a relationship? No way." So what can the pro-destiel creatives involved do, if the network is saying no? What can the writers do if most of their explicit destiel (or queer dean) lines / moments are getting cut? Relegate things to subtext. Make jokes that straight people can wave off but queer people can read into. Make costuming and set design choices that the hardcore fans who are already looking will notice while the general audience and the out-of-touch network execs won't blink and eye at (I'm looking at you Jerry and your lamps and disappearing second nightstands and your gay flamingo bar!)

And then, when the audience asks, "is destiel real? is this proof of destiel?" what can the creatives do but deny? Yes, it hurts, to be told "No no I don't know what you're talking about. There's no destiel in supernatural" a la "there is no war in Ba Sing Se" but! if the network said "no destiel!" and you and your creative team have been working to keep putting destiel in the subtext of the narrative in a way that will get past censors, you can't just go "Yes, actually, all that subtext and symbolism you're picking up, yea it's because destiel is actually in the narrative."

But, there's a BIG difference between actively putting queer themes and subtext into the narrative and then saying it's not there (but it is! and the audience sees it!) versus NOT putting any queer content into the text but SAYING it is there to entice queer fans to continue watching. The latter, is textbook queerbaiting. The former? Is not. The former is the tactics so many creatives have had to use for years, decades, centuries, to get past censorship and signal to those in the know that yea, characters like you are here, they exist in this story.

Were the spn writers perfect? No, absolutely not. And I don't think every instance of queer content was a secret signal. Some stuff, depending on the writer, might've been a period-typical gay joke. These writers are flawed. But it's no secret that there were pro-destiel writers in the writing room throughout the years, and that efforts were made to make it explicitly canon (the market research!)

So no, the writers weren't ever perfect or a homogeneous entity. But they definitely were fighting an uphill battle constantly for 15 yrs against S&P and network execs with antiquated ideas of what's profitable / appealing.

Spn even called out the networks before, on the show, using a silly example of complaints abt the lighting of the show and how dark the early seasons were. Brightening the later seasons wasn't a creative choice, but a network choice. And if the networks can complain abt and change something as trivial as the lighting of a show, they definitely are having a hand in influencing the content of the show, especially queer content.

Even in s15, (seasons fifteen!!!) Misha has said he worried Castiel's confession would not air. In 2020!!! And Jensen recorded that scene on his personal phone! Why? Sure, for the memories. But also, I do not doubt for a second that part of it was for insurance, should the scene mysteriously disappear completely. We've seen the finale script. We've seen the omitted omitted omitted scenes. We all saw how they hacked the confession scene to bits. The weird cuts and close-ups. That's not the writers doing. That's likely not even the editors (willingly). That's orders from on high. All of the fuckery we saw in s15 reeks of network interference. Writers are not trying to sabotage their own stories, believe me.

Anyways, TLDR: Networks have a lot more power than many think and they get final say in what makes it to air. And for years creative teams have had to find ways to get past network censorship if they want "banned" or "unapproved" "unprofitable" "unwanted" content to make it into the show. That means relying on techniques like symbolism, subtext, and queercoding, and then shutting up about it. Denying its there, saying it's all "open to interpretation" all while they continue to put that open to interpretation content into the show. And that's not queerbaiting, as frustrating as it might be for queer audiences to be told that what they're seeing isn't there, it's still not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is a marketing technique to draw in queer fans by baiting them with the promise of queer content and then having no queer content in said media. But if you are picking up on queer themes / subtext / symbolism / coding that is in front of your face IN the text, that's not queerbaiting. It's there, covertly, for you, because someone higher up didn't want it to be there explicitly or at all.

[iris-drawing-stuff]

Happy Pride Month everyone!

Lets all ponder the gay ass apple with Kazui.

[edenfire]

💗🏥 Shuake Week- Day 6 - Wound Tending 🏥💗

I've always really liked the idea of goro waking up after the engine room with a bullet wound in the chest. he miraculously survives, and akira has to take him in and tend to him, while hiding him from shido's men😳💦

(also yes, goro is wearing akira's pj pants😌💞)

[kitten4sannie]

i doodled sandeoki sannie and i couldn’t stop smiling like he’s soooo 🤏🏼 i just thought i would share :3

[fishybehavior]

hgfhjhsjhfsjjd

i need to write like 20 jaya fics

rn thinking about a fic where Nya finds Jay, he's in rough shape. He was captured by basically dragon hunters. They escape but Jay doesn't want to go with her

he's got no choice he's injured. They travel across the merged realm back to the monastery and Jay begrudgingly is falling for her again. But he's not the same Jay, and Nya keeps talking about him going back to normal. But Jay has recovered no memories

he asks her directly whether she would feel the same about him if he didn't remember, didnt go back to normal. Jay is a very different man, he shattered his soul, worked for Ras and the Administration. Would her Jay do any of that?

He loves her but he doesn't care about the other ninja, he probably would if he didnt shatter his soul. But he did, and that changed him more the administration, more than ras, more than loosing his memory.

Jay is tired of other people telling him who he is and he decides to leave Nya again so he can figure out who he is. Tho he promises to pass through the crossroads every now and again to say hello.