#football commentary

[ardans]

Arsenal v Leeds (5-0), 16 April 2004. From “the Beautiful Poetry of Football Commentary”.

[nerdy-as-heck]

DAMNIT BYU YOU HAD SUCH A LEAD, I needed OU in the championship game and you MESSED IT UP

[ladyphlogiston]

We just don't really call that as pass interference, because in real time, it's bang-bang.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Gay Cheerleaders AU

Y'all knew it was coming.

I'm thinking Lena would be the... third(?) year veteran, who is a legacy. Her mom Lillian was also a cheerleader, and then became the head honcho in charge of the cheerleading division. Lena grew up with the expectation of eventually joining the organization as a dancer, and naturally becomes a group leader (the youngest 1st group leader in the history of the organization?) through her sense of responsibility, magnetism, and compassion, even if she remains a little distant-- she doesn't share her whole self with the team, as she's constantly aware of needing to present the image of a perfect cheerleader, a perfect leader.

Kara would be the rookie, immediately awed by Lena's performance during tryouts. She's not in Lena's group, but her own group leader faces some... personality challenges, lets say, that have Kara taking on more of a responsibility than would normally be allocated to a first year dancer.

But when Kara and Lena end up bumping into each other in the studio for some solo practice, they agree to share the space and work together. Of course they end up bonding, and those practices lead to coffees, lunches, some movie nights.

They eventually become the darlings of the team, inseperably so. Young fans try to catch glimpses of them standing together on the sidelines, loving to see Kara acting herself (aka goofy) and seeing Lena laughing in response. Behind the scenes they become romantically and sexually involved, but they keep it hidden because while it's not explicitly forbidden, they do cheer for a very conservative state, and they know it would impact not only their squad but the team overall.

In their day jobs, Lena is a children's dance teacher-- she wants to do more, but Lillian wants it for the community-service image it presents. Kara would be a fitness trainer I think, something lucrative but flexible and reflective of her athletic and exuberant nature whereas Lena is a bit more reserved.

Kara and Lena span multiple seasons/classes, and in the off season Lena pops up on Kara's instagram a little bit here and there, which only fuels the quiet online rumors about them. Like, the people who clock them are also queer in a conservative region of the country, so it's not a mass pop-culture phenomenon-- yet.

That all changes when one night Lena is grabbed inappropriately by a cameraman or other stadium employee, and can't manage to extricate herself despite her obvious and vocal discomfort. Kara sees red. She slugs the man right across the jaw with a proper right hook. The cameras had only just started to pan over to Lena's commotion and catches the exact moment Kara lunges for him and spins Lena out of his reach.

Kara is the champion/brute of the moment, depending on who's talking. Some laud her for both her protectiveness of her teammate and her technique, while others condemn her for unladylike vigilantism. Why didn't she let the security team deal with it, she serves a role model for young girls what is she teaching them the thug life?

Most importantly-- and most dire, perhaps-- is that it clues Lillian into the deeper nature of their relationship. She corners Lena, and interrogates her as Lena tries and tries to deflect. Lillian all but tells her that she'll be watching Lena through a microscope, and terrifies Lena to the point she breaks up with Kara in an attempt to protect her tenure with the organization.

Kara doesn't really care about all that, but when Lena says it's what she wants, she respects that. Until the team goes to the superbowl, and in the height of emotions at the winning touchdown, Lena forgets herself and throws her arms around Kara's neck and kisses her.

She's stunned at herself, horrified even, but before she can even try to apologize Kara recovers and kisses her again, this time long and slow. The cameras not on the players or stadium stands are focused on them, and the next day and weeks they are the only ones anyone can talk about, for better or worse.

Lillian uses Lena's next year, her fifth and final, as leverage. Apologize publicly for her lapse in judgement, confirm it was only ever friendship, condemn Kara for assault-- or she's out.

Lena listens calmly, then smoothly rises.

"Then I'm out."

She walks out without a second glance.

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

Idk how people attend football games and have to understand what’s going on without the commentary

[go-johnny-go-go-go-go]

"Come on, lads!"

"Come on, let's see some action!"

The League of Gentlemen Live at Drury Lane (2001) - Hamlet (Football Fans at the Theatre)

Edit: Sketch name - it's been pointed out to me that the DVD calls the sketch "Hamlet"

[themanbexl]

Me listening to the Spanish commentary

I have no clue what they are saying but I'm having a great time

[cruyffista]

probably the most insane thing he's ever said

[nowshesdoingitallthetime]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN PORTUGAL V SLOVENIA IS GOING TO A PENALTY SHOOTOUT!?!?

[pernillecfcw]

Spain have won through penalties to make it to the semi finals they did very well to come back and take it to pens and then win but I’m so gutted for Mayra and colombia they battled so well they took spain all the way to the end ❤️

[kurgy]

going to torment my brother for eons for the crime of talking to me about meatcanyon and recommending it as something id like when I didnt know what that was. sometimes i get a glimpse of how others perceive me and realize no one knows who i am bc wtf is this shit

[skitskatdacat63]

I hate watching any sport bcs I'm constantly like 🤨 at anything they say, "he comes inside and the other comes from behind, it's a game of inches"

[trlblzd]

THE SPIRIT of propagating sure is evident this evening.

[ladyphlogiston]

This is his opportunity to really show us how many yards down the field he's moved this game.

.....isn't that literally someone's job to track? Football commentary is hilarious.

[sadfruittheatre-rp]

"OnlyFans? Is that some sort of sports fanatic thing? I don't know why everyone's talking about it all of a sudden, but I couldn't care less about sports."

[leenaur143]

tHEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME YOUR HONOUR 🥹😭💜