#food is one of my greatest joys and to be limited even in such bizarrely simple ways requiring so much excess labor

[lupismaris]

I'm just gonna complain in the tags tw medical stuff tbd etc

[ur-mom-kayn]

Loyalty Chapter 9: Daily Life without the Master

Kayn Pov

It was incredibly difficult for Zed to leave. It was hard to see him in the last few seconds, not even his face as they stood in front of the assembled team. Just leaving his room with him put a stab in his heart. As good as possible he tried to suppress his true feelings or to extinguish them completely. Not so easy when you felt something like love for the person. Since Kayn but wanted to keep the respect of his master, he broke his feelings. He should not be remembered as a weak little boy. Which is why he seemed almost too cold.

...

In the evening, the Order ate for the first time without her master. It was very strange to sit at the head without Zed at his side. Kayn was so free and did what no one dared. He took Zed's cabin and set it on the wall behind him. Finally, he could see the men to his left. But that was not enough. Nobody dared to eat. They all waited for Zed's release, but he was not there. Kayn stood up and pointed to all his comrades. "People the world does not go down just because Master Zed is not here now. Together we'll turn the store around, and I'll guide you as long as he's not there." "But did not Master Zed tell us to divide the tasks among us?" Asked Akio, one of the men from the beginning were at it. Unfortunately, Kayn did give a fuck about his opinion.

"As you may know, I am originally from a state where anarchy prevails. I tell you that system goes in the pants. If everyone does what they want, then we end up in chaos here very quickly. We depend on a leader." "And that you should be? Little one, you're too young." Sometimes, Akio was pretty much upset. He always thought he was better, just because he was one of Zed's trusted people. He never saw his face. That's why he was able to cross it.

"And yet I'm better than you. But that's not the point here. I never said that I intend to order you around. I just wanted to tell you that as a mediator I will divide the tasks among us. Zed wrote me a list of things we need to do. If everyone picks something out, it ends in the fight. That's why I choose. Be angry with me in the end and not on your comrades. I have no problem with being an asshole. Anyway, you will act like a kind of minister and specialize in the field. But before we get to the layout, eat something." Kayn sat down again and picked up his chopsticks. Today there was again delicious chicken with rice and vegetables. Before it gets too cold, he decided to prefer the food. That gave the others time to think about what they said. Akio felt badly offended, so he did not speak a word. It was better that way.

While he ate, he went through Zed's list. He wanted to do everything he could to impress Zed, but that was not in the spirit of the Master. In addition, there were also annoying tasks that would like to do without. Keyword: accounting. There was certainly a couple of specialists here. Of course, in Zed's files, he had previously informed himself extensively about each of his students and had a closer look at their strengths and weaknesses. Kayn brazenly considered his greatest weakness to be his arrogance. How could that be just a weakness? Apparently, Master Zed did not think of anything better. A perfect being had no weaknesses. Okay, then he heard it in his own mind that he was putting on too much.

Back to his comrades, he enrolled Satoshi and Masato as absolute math geniuses. "Hey Sato and Masa, would you be so correct and watch over the revenue and expenses of the Order? This includes calculating how much of what needs to be purchased. Be it food or toiletries. Everything has to be logged so that you can show everything to Master Zed later on." Satoshi exchanged a brief moment with his brother's looks. After that, he answered. "We can do that."  "Well, then that would have been done before. I'll show you later how Zed would like that." " Hoooold on, you just want to break into Zed's room like that?" Masato asked him. He was very reverent of Zed and almost never dared to knock on his door. A 'break-in' would be too much for him.

"It is not a burglary if we have the permission, so calm down. In addition, the room is almost my 2nd home. So it really should not be a problem. So now we have clarified that we come to the next point. Due to excellent strategic achievements, I would like to ask Haru and Nakuri to take over the missions. Is that clear?" "Definitely brother," Nakuri answered. Haru agreed with a nod. At least that was what he left. So that Akio but not too short, he had a job for him. "Yo Akio, can you please talk to clients? You have such a beautiful, deep voice. It's pretty close to Zeds. In addition, you are one of the elders here and know Zed's way of speaking to customers best. So?" "Sure ... " His euphoria was limited. No wonder after the swipe of yesteryear.

"Last but not least, there is one of the most important tasks that I naturally assign to myself. I will take over the training with the chest. The shade makes me the most loving of all, so I'd better direct the training. The decision of who is allowed to complete the training, we take all in the elite. If 80% of us agree with the candidate, then an acolyte is allowed to complete the training. I think that's fair. The goal is that in the end, all of Zed's students become strong Shadow Assassins. That's why we have to push everyone to a high level. Everyone who has gotten a job must not neglect his normal training hours. I expect you to work overtime. If it gets too much for you, then get yourself a helping hand. Otherwise, I wish you good luck. "

...

And so passed the time. Everyone took on his new role and sank into work. Especially Kayn got pretty clean. When he assisted his people in weapon training, he immediately trained his own body. After that, there was mostly food, that he too 'led'. At the table, the results of the day were gathered together. Everyone had something to report, not just his 'ministers'. Since Zed's absence, his men were more welded together. And that was a good thing. After dinner, there was open shadow training every day at 10pm for Zeds Elite, led by Kayn. Everyone thought he was doing a damn good job, despite his young age. Over time, he was even able to maintain the shadow marks longer than just during exercise. Unfortunately, it was not enough to go on a mission and savor this power.

The only one who could permanently maintain it was Master Zed himself. Occasionally Kayn could see his marks when he wore only a shirt. His marks were light gray and covered his skin like a tattoo. Kayns was dark blue and had a different pattern. Unfortunately, they disappeared after a maximum of 5 hours. There had to be a way to extend that time. The young acolyte put on the fact that Zed had more training on the box than he. Which is why he did not miss an evening to complete this training.

...

As the months went by, more and more people were worried about Kayn, if he might not take over. Kayn hardly slept anymore, as he definitely did not want to neglect the training of others. His body only got a rest during meditation and nothing else. One night after the shadow training, Nakuri went to his room. He did not like how he found Kayn there. The boy lay on his exercise mat and consistently pulled his push-ups. His body was by no means that of a 16-year-old. He already looked like 21 years and he definitely had this maturity. Kayn did well without Zed, to surprise the others, but still, it was not healthy for him to take on himself.

"Yo brother take a break. Not even half an hour did you train with the chest." "That's why I'm doing this. I have to use the power before it disappears again." Nakuri noticed that it almost did not make sense to argue with him. Kayn was not only arrogant until he left, he was also a real stubborn skull. That's why he just threw himself in Kayn's bed and stared at the ceiling. "Master Zed will be back soon. Are you excited?" "Yes ... ", Kayn could hear the effort clearly in his voice. "I can understand. He has pretty high expectations of you. Sometimes I'm really happy not to be you. But remember, your brothers are always there for you. So if we should help you, say so." For a moment Kayn stopped his training. He lay on his back and washed the beads of sweat from his face with a towel. He was breathing heavily, but he was still in control.

"Thanks, Nakuri, but I can do it. I want Master Zed to see what kind of man I have become. As you may have noticed, I am now 16, but still not on a mission. Zed promised to kill with me together. I do not want to disappoint him."

"So so. And what was that 2 years ago? You had sneaked out. It is rumored that you had a mission because, surprisingly, suddenly we had quite a bit of money. Come on Kayn, tell me the truth. "

"Okay, okay, I already had my first mission with Zed. But that was illegal, so we decided to sweep this mission under the carpet. In addition, Zed learned then from the league, which is why I was then rather depressed.

"Yes, I remember. The cold-hearted Kayn was really scary. Do me a favor Kayn and never lose your nice laugh."

Skeptically, Kayn looked over at Nakuri. What should that mean? Nice laugh ... Basically, Kayn never got smart out of the guy. Nakuri noticed that he was being watched and straightened up so he could make eye contact with Kayn. "What's brother?" "What do you mean by a nice laugh? Are you gay or something?" "No brother, I'm just talking about your positive nature. We all had a bad past here and sank into the darkness with our hearts. You may have the most bizarre story here by a long shot, but you've come out of this hell with pride, and you're giving us all the joy and hope here. You have deeply impressed us all and especially Zed. I understand why he likes you so much."

Kayn lowered his eyes and watched his marks, which slowly dissolved again. With that, his strength disappeared. The more he struggled, the less he could maintain the shadow assassin's form. It sucked. "I do not know Nakuri ... in the end, it's just my noxious blood that forces me to keep going. It does not have much to do with me."

"Do not talk nonsense! A strong will cannot be inherited. You are all alone! Your strength does not come from your origins and not from Zed, but entirely from your heart. It is your willingness to survive. Kayn ... do not doubt about it just because you can not maintain the form. It will be. You'll see. One day, the whole world will fear your name."

"Do you really mean? I think, no matter how strong I get, I always stay in Zed's shadow. However, I do not ever want to fight him. I'm not like him, I will not kill my master. "

"Because you love him ..."

Kayn could not and did not want to say anything about that. That was his secret. Yes, his love for Zed went beyond that of a father, but he would never say it out loud in life. In Zed's eyes, he'll always be a kid, no matter how annoying that may be. Kayn will somehow stand over it. Now he had to first see that he convinced him with his strength. But not today. He was too K.O. to do any more exercise. After a long conversation break, Kayn got up and headed for his bathroom. "I'm taking a shower. Night. "" Goodnight brother. Dream nice." Without looking, if Nakuri really disappeared, he undressed in the bathroom and took a shower.

...

Since talking to Nakuri, Kayn could not think straight. He had been unsure about his feelings towards Zed for some time. His absence tore him inwardly. Often he secretly slept in Zed's bed. His room still smelled strongly of him, which is why Kayn often made himself comfortable there. He not only slept there but also took care of the order. At least once a week he swung the duster. When Zed comes back, everything should be in top condition. Basically, he put a lot of emphasis on perfection. Even though his ministers had their part-tasks, Kayn could not rest and throw his examiner's gaze over everything. If everything was not as Zed wanted, he sounded the alarm. Most of the accounting he banned an alleged, better, optimized system. If Zed did not have an overview, then it was not better.

By now, 10 months had passed since Zed joined the league. Always around October or November, the season ended. Actually, Zed should get 2.5 months vacation then. The more days passed, the more nervous and stressed Kayn became. He trained until he waved, brushed until his hands were already sore, and he drilled his students without end. Zed should be proud of his order. Kayn would take care of that.

...

On October 4, a scout in the dining room stormed in out of breath. Kayn ran to him and ordered one of his comrades to bring him a glass of water. "What's wrong brother?" Kayn asked him. After the young man drunk his glass to the last drop, he finally spoke. "Ma-master Zed ... he-he won the World Cup.", Completely exhausted, the man fell to his knees. All acolytes froze to ice. Nobody really understood what that meant. But it definitely sounded good. "How do you mean? Master Zed is world champion? Please explain that to us. If you catch your breath." The scout waited a moment before speaking again. "Every year there is a World Cup tournament. That's where the best summoners compete against each other. Master Zed is the favorite champion of the best player in the world. He simply destroyed the other teams with him. I saw it on the screens in Piltover. Master Zed was incredibly good. That will bring us a damn lot of fame."

It was cheered and clapped. Everyone was really excited and could not wait to see their champion again. "Tell me, when will Zed come back?" "As far as I know, the season is over in 2 weeks. Then he should come back." So two weeks. Until then, Kayn definitely had to set up a welcome party. Of course with the cash injection of Satoshi and Masato. "Let's raise a big party for Master Zed!" Kayn suggested. His proposal was acclaimed and accepted by all. Now there was nothing in the way of planning.

.......................................

A chapter without Zed :( Buuut you will love the following chapter. I try to prepare the next chapter as fast as possible. I wish you a nice day ^_^

[polyaenumeration]

Outsider Culture & STEM: Why that kid whispering the lyrics to Vince Staples could be the next Bill Gates of his generation

The typical portrait of the engineering wunderkind has been scrawled on the minds of Americans since the 1980s. It’s usually a nerdy kid with socially awkward mannerisms, an obsessive fascination with technology and an endearing family who cultivates their interests. Try to imagine this person.

Let me guess: This nerdy kid is young, male, either Caucasian or Asian, skinny and comes from a middle-class background.

If you felt a tinge of guilt because I guessed right, let me allay your nerves: It’s okay. When I was younger, I envisioned engineers — and especially geniuses — as that, too. We’re inundated with those images when we’re young and socially engineered to continue in our current lives with those images as a backdrop. Those carefully engineered seeds are buried deep within our psyche and when they blossom, we classify ourselves based partly upon the images we see or envision. It’s one of the many reasons why many of us don’t pursue rigorous STEM fields because we simply don’t think we fit the classical definition of what it means to be part of that prestigious group.

It’s also precisely why more of us who don’t fit that classical definition mustdelve into the varied fields of STEM, not necessarily for the sake of diversity or representation, but for the sake of serving our communities — and the world at large — better than those individuals we believe are “better” at it. That fresh faced and bubbly Dominican kid whose parents own a Bodega knows the community in which he thrives better than ex-Googlers who seek to tear down the very structure which has given him a plate of food. It’s that kid who knows best how technology can help alleviate the poverty he sees or how food deserts can be eliminated. It’s that kid who knows how an app can best serve his parent’s business or even expand it.

It’s also the kid in a sweatshirt who mumbles the latest Kendrick Lamar track on the 1 train who potentially knows how to implement technology to decrease the delays at the 125th St. train station. He knows the routes, when it’s more likely to be delayed and even which train station has the most deplorable signal equipment. I can assure you that the San Francisco transplant with VC funding of $100 million won’t be the one to solve the woes that beleaguer everyday New Yorkers.

As discussed earlier, perception of oneself is oftentimes generated by the images we absorb in life. This occurs naturally and over a period of time; we’re consistently fed images of classic representations of the STEM field, so we depart from what we think we can do professionally because we simply don’t “fit the mold.” This is a terrible irony because, historically, it’s those who especially don’t “fit the mold” who succeed the most in STEM. The old school entrepreneurs of the technology sector were outcasts of society who didn’t fall in line with the masses. They’re comprised of college dropouts, flunkies who couldn’t connect with other people, irascible tempers or downright bizarre ways of thinking or behaviors. Those perceived limitations by society ultimately became responsible for what made them stand out and succeed. In short, their weaknesses became their greatest strengths. More importantly, their experiences as outsiders propelled them to greater heights than considered possible by the normative culture of their days. Outside the technology sector, the history of STEM is replete with tales of strange and eccentric personalities. Richard Feynman stands out as a representative for Physics, whereas Grigori Perelman stands out as one of particular interest in Mathematics.

Silicon Valley not only praises this history, but encourages it. Although Steve Jobs was known within the industry for his combative personality and harsh treatment of colleagues, he was heralded as the shining star of the tech industry for a time. The HBO television show, Silicon Valley, consists of a bizarre cast of characters who fit in among themselves, but act as awkward outcasts in “normal” social settings. The show has devoted itself to authenticity and hires a multitude of consultants to ensure that the hub of the tech industry is represented as accurately as possible, despite mild exaggerations of character traits.

So, why don’t we see more of that Dominican kid or Kendrick Lamar fan in STEM fields or, more precisely, in the tech sector? Simply put, the tech sector has begun to establish a specific type of outsider and actively shuns those who don’t conform to what is deemed to be an “acceptable” outsider. This is popular in group dynamics overall; once a space is occupied by a certain type of people, they actively seek to recruit others who share common traits. As such, the tech sector which originally heralded outsiders now indirectly shuns them from entering the field. This is an incredibly depressing and sad state of affairs, because it is precisely those outsiders, those outcasts of society, who can help their communities the most and contribute to the expansion of our technological world as a whole.

As a mixed Dominican/Jamaican kid born in the Bronx and raised in Harlem, I was lucky enough to have a mother who pushed me to pursue a field of academic study that brought me immense joy and satisfaction. Although I was often the only student in the classroom with that type of background, I never once allowed that feeling of “oneness” disturb me from achieving my goals. Was it difficult at times? Yes. Do I regret any of it? No, not in the slightest.

If you’re reading this and fall into the category of the “acceptable” type of outsider, please do not take this as an attack on your person hood. You must remember: You are that original outsider, that person who doesn’t fit that normative culture of society. In no way, shape or form should you feel that this is an attack on your persona, as it is not intended to be. On the other hand, if you fall into that category of otherness that’s not representative in STEM, but have a deep fascination with any STEM subject, I encourage you to follow your passion. Whether you’re a 35 year old Kansas City laborer, a 14 year old black girl with braids (or no braids!) from Brooklyn or a Harlemite with a fondness for Cuban Sandwiches (guilty), I encourage you to step forward into your passion. Your thoughts, your experiences, and your intuition will prove invaluable to the field(s). More importantly, you’ll be able to look at yourself squarely in the mirror, knowing that you didn’t allow preconceived notions or images derail you from your goals in life.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. — Steve Jobs

[geekade]

Before Their Time: Invader Zim

In the annals of imaginary planetary invasions, few can claim to be more charming or more addictively bizarre than Invader Zim.

Conventional wisdom says we’re living in a Golden Age of Television. And the conventional wisdom isn’t wrong. But if (sigh) you’re my age, you remember another golden age. While not as fraught and heavily serialized as shows like The Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, or Game of Thrones, the best shows of this era enjoyed their own kind of sophistication, as creators felt emboldened and inspired to experiment, pushing the limits of their medium. I’m speaking, of course, of the golden age of animated television, that sweet spot in the 1990s and early 2000s when animators emboldened by how much The Simpsons seemed to be getting away with – on network prime time, no less! – felt inspired to test the limits of their medium, and network executives hoping to cash in on a similarly “edgy” craze felt inclined to let them. This convergence produced shows that still hold up today, and while their humor may not be as brash as adult animation like Archer or The Venture Bros., it’s that much more impressive for its ability to subvert and evade kid’s show censors. One of the most notable examples of this genre is of course Batman: The Animated Series, whose Art Deco Gothic aesthetic and heavy themes opened the door to animated shows that weren’t just for kids anymore.

Cable wasn’t about to let network TV have all the fun, and Nickelodeon introduced its own animated shows. In the early aughts, as the censors began to catch on to choking the chicken jokes, the subversive animation boom began to wind down, sanding down some of the harder edges that had snuck past in shows like Rocko’s Modern Life and The Tick. One of the last shows to benefit from – and suffer through the end of – this confluence of funding, fandom, and executive inattention was Invader Zim.

Invader Zim is just what it sounds like on the tin: a show about an alien’s attempts to take over Earth. Zim is a little green member of a race known as the Irkens, whose raison d’etre is the invasion, domination, and assimilation of other planets. Their MO is pretty straightforward – arrive incognito, camouflage yourself as a local until you’ve gathered enough intel to conquer the whole planet, and then WHAMMO! Instant world domination. Zim, our titular Invader, shares his compatriots’ zeal for dominance but leaves something rather to be desired in the competence department. After he jumps the gun (er, mecha-destroyer) on an Important Invasion (by accidentally invading his own planet), Zim’s superiors bust him down to invading a planet far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy armed with only a standard invader ship and a malfunctioning android helper named GIR.

After their noisy arrival to a decrepit Earth goes unnoticed by its dispirited populace, Zim builds a very approximate facsimile of a typical Earthling’s home and fits GIR and himself with Earth-appropriate disguises. Disguised as a manic green boy with a hairstyle that might have been procured from a distorted photo of Elvis or a 50s Impala, Zim enrolls in the local school (AKA The Skool) and begins reconnaissance of what he imagines will be a quick and spectacular trip back into the Irken leaders’ good graces. GIR’s cover is less a disguise than a revelation: It’s impossible to watch him zipping around in that stuffed dog outfit, a green to match his master’s, without wondering whether the delightful creatures we call dogs aren’t just all lazily programmed alien joy and eating machines.

However, no sooner has Zim embarked on his plan than he discovers Earth has more protective mechanisms than he bargained for, and perhaps even more than some of the planets who might have been expecting an Irken invasion. For one thing, the populace’s general refusal to acknowledge any strangeness they can’t process both insulates Zim against discovery and thwarts his plans. For another, one of Zim’s classmates is an aspiring paranormal investigator named Dib, who twigs immediately to Zim’s alienness. Adults and peers alike shrug off Dib’s repeated attempts to out Zim, and the general populace’s indifference alternatively thwarts and protects each of them. The truth is, Dib is not very convincing and Zim is not very good at invading, and the two square off in a series of zany gambits that never quite succeed at outing Zim or taking over the planet.

Zim’s not helped by the fact that his ostensible wingman is less interested in invading Earth than in eating all of its finest junk food and watching as much TV as possible. GIR’s obsessions with tacos and TV afford the show opportunities to lampoon the absurdities and kitsch of TV pop culture and the horror and irresistible allure of fast food. His bottomless appetite also makes him the most charming character on the show, a sort of manic K-9 who has gleefully discovered the canine homeworld.

It’s hard to say what made Invader Zim such a cult favorite, but after GIR and his antics, my favorite part of the show were the space battles and the zingers, especially those winks to the drudgery of adult life. With its protagonist a newcomer to Earth, Zim has to learn mundane rituals like riding the bus (“You expect me to pay to ride this filthy machine? Have you the brain worms?!”) to navigating Parent-Teacher Night at school (“Oh, I will bring my "parents", and they shall be the greatest, most parental parents EVER!”). Even more enjoyable than those are the occasions when Zim must jockey with other races for control of the planet, during which the show takes the opportunity to animate surprisingly riveting spaceship battles. Although the reasons for its premature cancellation are the subject of spirited speculation even today, I wouldn’t be surprised if Nickelodeon eventually balked at the cost of animating meticulously choreographed dogfights and airborne gags.

Invader Zim ran for about a year before Nickelodeon cancelled it in the middle of its second season. The Internet houses some spirited speculation, mostly over possible creative differences between the show’s creator and Nickelodeon’s producers. Without getting too far into the weeds, it seems safe to say Invader Zim succumbed, as so many shows do, to that fatal intersection of unsatisfactory ratings and budgetary quibbles. One blogger has argued, plausibly, that Nickelodeon and Jhonen Vasquez was always a doomed marriage, with the latter’s style tending to a humor too dark for the network’s tastes and desired demographic.

Inspired by the show’s cult following, Nickelodeon has belatedly realized their mistake. In April they announced that the gang – including Vasquez and the original voice cast – was getting back together for an animated movie. The Zim faithful can enjoy one more story about Zim.

It’s hard to say what attracted such a loyal following, but Zim united bizarre storylines and juvenile gags with a dark and almost existential sense of humor. Much like The Venture Bros., Invader Zim is a show about delusion and failure, about what happens when outsize ambition runs up against limited ability. If current events have taught me anything, it’s that the story of incompetence running up against ambition remains relevant. With any luck, this movie will give Invader Zim the fresh push into visibility it deserves, and the show can finally take its rightful place alongside The Venture Bros. and Silicon Valley, a timely monument to the hilarity and inevitability of failure.