#flashing back to when i used to talk to people and draw stuff for here all the time

[bluebunnysart]

Fanart of my own fanfiction (Chimera Teto x Android Miku)

Good news! When I woke up and looked at my art again today, I liked it, so here's the uncolored version! I trust you tumblr people, so here you go! You may view. This technically means I've drawn UTAU Teto (here) and SynthV Teto, but I really want to color this and take my time doing so, so here are the lines before it turns into something else hahaha 😂😂😂 Read More for the stuff I wanted to write last night but was too tired to (also the art time lapse)

I showed like two WIPs of different ideas on Twitter but none of them were this LOL (just goes to show how much I wanna draw and see of these two specifically) but the reason I decided to go with this is 'cuz that fanfic I wrote in like one day really got me excited and it made me really want to draw them as I was imagining more stuff about them. Here I'll talk about what I had in mind

I love chimera Teto, especially her majestic wings, and what I drew here is basically inspired by that! Teto's basically the only "living, sentient" thing around Miku so far (I dunno how to approach adding more creatures just yet), which makes Miku extra interested in her. But basically Miku likes Teto's wings and tail too and is very fascinated by them.

I had an idea where Miku is just holding or playing with Teto's tail out of nowhere and complimenting the heck out of her, and that was condensed into this piece. It was too crowded on Miku's side to have Teto's tail there as well, but the reason Teto's embarrassed (tsundere is nice, aint it xD) is 'cuz Miku is indeed praising the heck out of her. Calling her cute and saying how cool her wings are and whatnot.

The dialogue kinda goes like, "Your wings are so cool! And I really like how expressive your tail is! I wonder what I would do with a tail. It's so cute! Actually, now that I think about it, all of you is really cute!!" (Teto, embarrassed: "Stop talking now.") wwww

Miku does have a kinda tail actually! It's the chain on top of her skirt. As an android, I was thinking it works as sort of a battery plug or USB or something. I can show off more of that later (since it's really small here lol) but she can use it to receive electricity and recharge herself, I guess~. (Note to self: make it bigger?)

I haven't shown off much of my art style, but most (normal) characters usually don't have pupils. (See: this Teto, who's a living breathing creature.) As a result, I decided to give Miku pupils (kinda robot-like) to make her seem like more of a robot. She also wears the thing (headphones) over her ears, of course, which I can also use to make her seem more robot-like. There's no green flashing of code in her eyes right now but I might draw that sometime too, after my loads of other ideas...

Teto's wings aren't fragile. They're probably firm, hard, and could even be scaly/rough (up to my own whims or the reader's own preference). Her letting Miku touch her (wings) is probably a huge display of trust/confidence. Teto's wings are strong enough to carry her far distances and even allow her to fly in bad weather, I think. It's up to Teto herself how much energy/desire she has to do things like that though.

This is mentioned in the fic too, but Teto probably folds her wings a lot so they don't get in the way. She's kinda like a bird. I think her silhouette against the sun or moon, with full wingspan, is probably majestic (I'm imagining the Batman symbol for some reason lol). I know some people color Teto's wings as purple, but I specified black in my fic to match her tail. ^^

In order for her wings to breathe, there are probably holes in the back of her outfit to accommodate them, but they're only big enough for the wings (ellipses/ovals probably): she either tears/cuts holes into the shirts she wears for her wings or they already fit her wings so there's no problem. I wonder if Teto made her UTAU outfit herself in this setting. xD (A girl has to pass the time SOMEHOW plus she's probably at least a little bit handy when it comes to clothes and stuff (survival).)

If, while I'm coloring, I need to make adjustments to the seating and lineart and all that, I will, but I figured I'd show off what made me stay up 'til 5 AM last night and then get embarrassed to post 'cuz I thought I wasn't finished yet. I woke up and I liked it, so I'm just gonna put it in this here blog. c:

I don't know how to color, so coloring will be a trip 😂

[bleedingoptimism]

𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘚𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 

𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆 

Robin laughs as she stares fondly at her friends. It’s been a slow day at Family Video, with people deeming it too hot outside to be locked up watching movies.

Except for Eddie, who showed up early in the afternoon but then never actually left because the AC was having a good day, and since it was nice inside the store, he decided to stay with them until the sun was a little less punishing.

She’s listening to Eddie explain to Steve why it's imperative he reads The Hobbit instead of just watching the 1977 movie, like Dustin suggested, saying he needs the whole experience to really appreciate it.

Steve is giggling, like actually giggling right now, looking intently at him as Eddie talks and gestures and openly flirts with him. 

And as Robin is watching them something suddenly clicks for her and she thinks ‘oh shit’.

She carefully inspects the way her best friend gazes at Eddie, the way he tilts his head, looking confused but flustered at the same time whenever Eddie leans his head towards him, smiling and lifting his eyebrows suggestively.

When Eddie finally leaves half an hour before closing time Steve sighs and smiles like a dingus at the door for 30 seconds after, and Robin wonders why hasn’t he told her about it but then she realizes maybe he doesn't know.

“Steve…” she starts, trying to figure out the best way to ask this, “you’d tell me if you really liked someone right? Really liked them? You’d tell me, right?”

Steve looks at her confused for a second before understanding dawns on him and he looks self-conscious, so Robin keeps talking,

“You’re my other half, we tell each other everything,” She tries not to sound crushed because judging by his reaction Steve knows exactly what she’s talking about and he didn't trust her with this secret, but she fails spectacularly to keep her voice steady. 

Steve looks at her, his face morphs from guilt to sorrow and his eyes are suddenly glassy, he blinks and a tear falls down his cheek. And Robin freaks the fuck out.

“Wow, wow, wow, wow, it's okay, it's okay.”

She hugs him, crushes him against her, and puts his head on her shoulder, one hand stays on his hair, while the other draws little circles at the center of his back in soothing motions.

Steve breathes deeply and calms down, he doesn’t start crying but it comes close. 

“I’m so sorry,” he tells her, lifting his head to look at her. Robin doesn't say anything, just hums, wiping that lonely tear off his cheek.

“I should have told you.”

“Yes, you should’ve,” she says not unkindly. “I’d tell you I get why you didn’t, but, it’s me. It’s us,” she grabs his shoulders and squeezes. “You should’ve told me so I could be there for you.”

“I was scared. I am scared. I'm scared saying out loud will make it real.”

Robin drops her hands from his shoulders all the way to his hands and takes them. “I know, but,” she sighs and smiles at him moving his hands with hers from side to side.

“When I told you about me it was scary, yes. But it also felt good! Like, a weight I didn't know I had been carrying all my life was lifted, and you made me feel safe that day and every day after.”

He smiles shyly at her, and she keeps talking. “When we talk about girls and you ask for my opinion and we joke about it and stuff, you make me feel loved and like there’s nothing wrong with me.” 

Her voice breaks out of nowhere and Steve hugs her again, and this time he doesn't let go.

Robin puts her chin on his shoulder and slowly sways them from side to side. “This might be shitty of me, but I'm actually excited I get to be here for you too.”

Steve laughs brokenly and whispers, “Yeah?”

She breaks their hug and nods at him, smiling. Steve sighs again, smiling sadly back at her,

“I’m sorry I didn't say something sooner.”

“It's okay. I’m sorry I pushed.” 

Steve smiles again, contentedly this time but something flashes through his eyes as he frowns going back to looking scared,

“Am I really that obvious?”

“Not really,” she lies, “It’s just cause I know you so well.” 

He looks so relieved she feels bad about her little white lie so she amends, “Anyways, you are not more obvious than him, that’s for sure.”

“What?!”

𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗲𝗱

part 1: ❤️

part 2: 🧡

part 3: 💛 

part 4: 💚

part 5: 💙

part 6: 💜

part 7: 💗

☕🥐💕

[justladders]

Hello! I’m Ladders :)

I'm just here stylizing some fnaf characters and mostly drawing the evil green rabbit like an animated villain.

Basically, I always loved animated shows and movies. They're why I started drawing when I was little, and I still watch and pull ideas from that kind of stuff to this day. Classic Disney's my fav, so you might see me talking about it sometimes. Anyways, since villains are my favorite and since I've starting drawing fnaf stuff, it's mainly been art of Springtrap, which you'll see a lot here.

If you're ever just looking for my art, the tag is #laddersarts. More tag stuff at the bottom of the post. Also, love asks, but please be considerate about the ask box, ty.

Do not repost my art anywhere, even with credit. I'm fine with it being used for things like a profile picture/banner as long as it is credited.

vv FAQ / TAG GUIDE vv

Q: What art program do you use? Krita. It's free and it "works," which is all I ask for.

Q: Do you do commissions? This answer will change around: currently, no. I've been meaning to, honestly, but just haven't felt collected enough to make a comm sheet and whatnot. Hopefully I'll be able to update this soon though.

Q: What are your other socials? I currently don't have any others, so if you see my art somewhere else, it's stolen :)

Q: Why do you draw [insert character] like that? I normally get this question about Springtrap, but I like to make designs that lend themselves more to 2D animation, which means simplifying a lot of things and hopefully still being able to get the point across. Too much detail and it becomes complicated very quickly. Fnaf animatronics/characters lend themselves really nicely to stylization because of how simple in concept they are overall. They're also left up to a lot of different characterization potential, not just from their simple designs, but the fact that they don't really get super hard-established personalities. Basically, all of that comes together into me enjoying taking a base concept and turning it into something you could potentially see in some older hand-drawn cartoon. As far as *specific* choices for how I draw *specific* characters, I feel like those would each need their own posts especially for Springtrap since I draw him the most. I know I'll have to make that sometime.

Q: Can I draw fanart of your designs? Of course! I'd just like to be credited and tagged so I can see it and reblog it :D

Tag Guide laddersarts and not my art - arts that I post or ones that I reblog (my art tag is all stuff since I got back earlier this year, art before that I just tagged as "my art") justtalks and talkin disney - indulgent tangents justfrens - things from peeps I know and whatnot answered ask - stuff from the inbox goofies - silly stuff midnight magma things - arts from group canvas drawing fanart for me :0 - fanarts of my designs!!!!! :0 present for springtrap :) - ask series where y'all wanted to give Springtrap something nice (there's a line formed and I just get to them whenever I'm up for it, but feel free to add to it) alt springtrap - art of goofy alternate versions of Springtrap I make sometimes: there's currently Vamptrap, Mothtrap, Jackotrap, and ERRORtrap (suggestive, eyestrain, flashing, gore, and all that stuff some people might not want to see I will hopefully remeber to tag)

[runabout-river]

Thoughts on JJK chapter 260 (spoilers)

We get to see what Todo had hidden under his bandages and the reveal is both underwhelming because of its simplicity and absurdity (never heard of a vibraslap before in my life) and it's overwhelming because of the sheer mileage and fighting skill Todo can pull out of it.

Typical Gege move on that part. Take one CT and go into the nitty-gritty of its abilities even if it looks silly sometimes.

The vibraslap changes Todo's ability from clapping to making that sound that swaps people. The biggest change? He can now swap things about 50 times in a single second.

This is the current fighting gang being swapped around in that second and I'm sure anyone else would throw up when subjected to that.

For reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with the end of the chapter, I've only now realized that Todo can swap Gojo too. He wouldn't be able to do anything against infinity though.

Just the same as when they tag teamed against Hanami and Mahito, those two Brothers™ are now going against Sukuna as well and Sukuna knows how bothersome and nearly impossible it is to fight effectively against (Re-)Boogie Woogie and he says himself that Todo came at an inopportune time.

The narrator says that Todo successfully transported the others out of MS so the question of Maki getting out is basically answered. She'll probably make a comment on that later on when she suddenly stabs Sukuna from the back again

The animators are going to have their hands full with this part of the fight. For Gege it's also difficult to draw this kind of CT on static paper so he opted for those white lines to show where RBW was active.

Sukuna also jumped on air again and Todo had no idea how he did that. Why didn't Maki show them what that is about 🧐

With all the debris, it was also difficult sometimes to understand the panels but here we have Yuji imitating a pillar while ramming himself into Sukuna

Later on Sukuna gets hols of Yuji's face with his giant hands, stuff I find extremely funny, but Todo saves Yuji before Sukuna can do something to him.

Then Sukuna makes a fatal mistake! He thinks he can outsmart 500,000 IQ Todo and fails miserably (RIP Mei-Mei's crow). Yuji gets another black flash in.

Then Yuji grabs Sukuna's chest where his injured heart is and the chapter tries to deceive us at that point.

The "JJK ...ch.260/END" box appears and it looks like that's it for the week BUT we have one extra page left and that page starts HUGE with Sukuna making Gojo's handsign for his DE again and it ends even BIGGER with GOJO being BACK!!

But hold on a second!

Can we be sure that this is Gojo? 🤔

Actually yes, because we have an entire catalog of clues on how he would've survived the World Ending Slash from Sukuna.

There still is the possibility that this is a trick that someone is playing against Sukuna though. Uro's CT of manipulating air might e.g. cause an illusion like this and even the narrator talks about a "spirit" which raises some questions.

But it's also said that his eyes are unmistakable and Sukuna himself seems convinced that he's the real deal.

I'm going to make a post on all the clues we got about how he survived and I'm going to refer to my original post on his survival from way back when he got bisected.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Anime Expo Day 2 Report: Dungeon Meshi live draw panel

I'm on my way hope and can finally sit down and make a log of my Anime Expo Journey, day by day/

Here's the Friday report:

I attended the Dungeon Meshi panel on Friday! I made sure to do so by sitting through the end of the Gundam panel and the whole Terminator Zero panel to make sure I was in the room (they don’t clear between panels). The terminator anime actually does look pretty cool! Jacki from Anime News Network was hosting and she’s so enthusiastic you get swept up. I did feel bad she kept commenting on how big the crowd was when I’m pretty sure at least half had the same idea I had and were there for Dunmeshi. But hopefully it got people who wouldn’t have considered it (like me, I do like Terminator but it wasn't on my radar) interested!

As has gone around the internet, the panel got hijacked by a guy carrying a boom box and waving an anarchy flag and a person singing (badly). It was very confusing, they got on stage and at first I thought it was part of the show, but then I realized the singing person was shirtless and had their tits out under the jacket they were wearing and was like probably not. Someone in the audience mentioned it was a Panty and Stocking song. They were demanding we dance, we all realized they weren’t supposed to be there and started booing. A guy behind me yelled “you’re being disrespectful!!!” which I thought was a very wholesome reaction. They proceeded to flip us all off. People were yelling “where’s security” and they finally came and slowly hauled them away. The person said “something something gay something” and someone yelled something back and I guess it’s a good thing my hearing is bad. As they were hauled off, they deliberately opened their jacket and flashed their tits as like, a screw you, like we all hadn’t already seen them.

Fortunately Trigger staff weren’t on the stage as this happened, just the host (who I felt bad for). The director, Yoshihiro Miyajima, and character designer, Naoki Takeda, came out and one of them joked “what a special guest!”

Now onto the stuff that actually matters:

We were shown a ton of concept art (no lines all colors, can’t remember what that’s called) and everyone screamed like crazy when it got to Marcille and Falin in the bath. There were quite a few screams for necromancer Marcille. Unfortunately we weren’t allowed to take pix.

There was also a live draw for the characters. We were allowed to pick two by yelling out who we wanted (I yelled Marcille and Falin) There was a huge coordinated chant for Senshi but that was kind of ignored and they chose Marcille and Izutsumi. We did get to take a picture of that:

The producer was actually recording the whole panel for a future Youtube vid, walking among the audience (he almost fell getting off the stage at one point which was a little scary since he was pretty elderly) and he was so enthusiastic and adorable.

Fans got to line up and ask questions and some notable ones I wrote down:

What monster would you eat if you were in the dungeon? "I wouldn’t want to eat any of it honestly, but if I had to choose, the Red Dragon".

“Which part of Falin would you want to eat if you had to?” “The dragon portion, definitely.” “Which part?” “The thighs look delicious. I want to make it clear I’m talking about the dragon here”.

Someone asked about the added Senshi panty shots, and the director responded “very keen”. And then said to ask the animators because they were the ones who added them. He also said “look forward to the future”.

After the picture was finished, one of them mentioned that Izutsumi was just like their cat who runs away whenever he tried to pet it.

I did try to get into the Bocchi panel since it was just upstairs and an hour after Dunmeshi finished, but they made us go outside the building and come back in, I guess to be fair, but that obviously meant I got there too late. I waited in line but it was capped.

[fuzzkaizer]

Montreal Assembly - Worng Side Of Uranus

"If you’re a regular Cabinet peruser, you’ve joined me as I waxed nostalgic for time periods I’ve never lived in, you’ve noticed me orating some company and component history, and you’ve almost certainly seen me talk about the best effects in their respective classes. And while there are plenty of classes and there is certainly enough love to go around, today I present you with my favorite pedal of all time: the Montreal Assembly Wrong Side of Uranus.

While many of you know Scott Monk and his amazing company for the Count to 5, he’s been in business for much longer than you think, and he’s made more things than most people know about. I first found out about him in 2009 while chasing wares by one of pedal history’s most sought-after builders, Etienne Blythe of Sonic Crayon.

If you were as into pedals as I was in the late-aughts… well, there’s a chance you still may never have heard of Sonic Crayon. However, at one time, Sonic Crayon’s wares were in extreme demand, with resellers ransacking the limited inventory and flipping the pedals for four times the price. His most famous may have been the Hollow Earth. His most unobtainable may have been the Anti-Nautilus. The one I wanted was the Moth.

The Moth was Sonic Crayon’s bitcrusher, and back in 2008 and 2009, that wasn’t an effect you could get just anywhere. However, Sonic Crayon had an old-school way of doing things: When he felt like making a batch, he did. Then he put 10 or so up for sale on his blog, and by word of mouth they’d sell out in minutes. One time, when checking his blog for a potential drop, I saw a new post where he said that if you’re tired of waiting for a Moth, there’s another Canadian guy making bitcrushers and that his were admittedly better. Who am I to argue? Let’s go.

That company was Montreal Assembly. At that time, Scott had only released two pedals, the Uranus and another insane device called Probability of a Fax Machine. When I heard the crude “basement demos,” I was sold. The problem: the sales tactics were exactly the same as Sonic Crayon—made and sold whenever. I never caught one. But my friend did.

My friend had gone off to college and left a present for me. I took a train and met their dad at a station in the suburbs, retrieved the box and opened it right there on the train. The Uranus was inside. When I got home I plugged everything I could into it. I messaged its creator, Scott, on Gmail Chat and geeked out when he answered.

I asked him if it was possible to add a mix circuit to the Uranus and Scott took time out of studying for signal processing exams to draw me up a somewhat complicated add-on schematic. Being somewhat intermediate with prototyping board, I hadn’t done a whole lot of my own stripboard layouts. Be that as it may, I cobbled it together. It worked. Now, I could blend the clean signal in with the bitcrushed one.

Despite being housed in a spray painted computer project box and featuring a barren aesthetic landscape, the Uranus is an impeccably engineered piece of sonic kit. Like most bitcrushers, there are knobs for bit rate and sample rate reduction. The third is volume. However, the bit rate knob is a pushbutton rotary encoder; as you turn it, it displays the bitrate in the seven-segment display. When the pedal is in bypass, the display flashes “bypass,” one letter at a time. Pressing down on the rotary encoder cycles through a slew of modes—ten to be exact—called things like “Dialup,” “Hostile” and more, including an incredible bitcrushed trem called “Blipo'' and a modulated sample rate mode called “Plunger.” It’s total labor-of-love stuff and I am here for it.

Mine is labeled 2010 and is one of a handful known to exist, and the only one with this mix knob. You may have seen one in a promotional photo that Strymon posted of its El Capistan being used in the studio by Godspeed! You Black Emperor, with the Uranus riding sidesaddle. Many, many people have never heard of it, and some of you may have never heard of Montreal Assembly before now. I urge you to change that.

At NAMM 2020, I actually saw Scott walking by our booth and I recognized him from some old demos. I ran down the aisle and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked right at me, then read my name badge, looked back up and said “Heyyy, Kula, how’s that bitcrusher treating you?” What a legend."

cred: catalinbread.com/blogs/kulas-cabinet/montreal-assembly-wrong-side-of-uranus

[cycleoffates]

Just found you here after searching Pumpkin Panic (again). You see, I found that demo back in 2014-2016 and I feel like it made a huge impact on what my art aesthetic preferences are because your artsyle is super colorful and the game really gave me candy and Halloween vibes! So once I a while I search official art you have posted about it. Whether you come back to making games or not I wanted to thank you for creating that demo and showing your spooky ocs. Hope you have a nice day!

hello!!! thank you so much for sending me this message. apologies if my response has been somewhat late, Tumblr's a place I hardly check and free time isn't something I have as much as I used to. 🥲 sorry if this is gonna be a long response too! i didn't intend it to be but I'm feeling somewhat sentimental.

even if i've pretty much been radio silent all over the place, this message has been something I've been constantly thinking about for a while. well, this one and a few that have been left on one of my videos. 🥹 (I'm posting them rq bc they bring me joy)

Pumpkin⭐Panic (yeah, with the star bc i found out there's another game called that now) has always been very near and dear to my heart. i made that demo when I was still a kid in high-school w/ a lot of ambitions. the idea for it was very impulsive, bc it started out as me making a gift for my followers on Halloween. i have no idea how I managed to create a demo for it in under a month (I have no clue how I was able to do it back then 💀).

talking about and posting OC stuff has always made me shy bc I wasn't sure how people would perceive it (or rather, my original, non-fandom creations), but it warms my heart to know it's been (and is still) loved by a lot of ppl who remember it to this day, even if it's very old. not to mention, it's very outdated, littered with bugs and was made on a (now defunct) laptop with a broken audio jack (hence why the audio is so loud (LOL)). making a game by yourself is harder than it looks!!!

it's been......... maybe 10+ years now? i think since it's initial creation. wow. typing that out makes me feel OLD. during all that, I put out another game demo and tried to write visual novels, but none of them were finished/saw the light, either. I'm somewhat ashamed of that too. i wanted to make more stories, but I just found myself lacking the time and the motivation (Tumblr was dying, I started working towards a college degree, you get the gist).

at that point, i stopped posting OC content as much (bc you know, social media engagement with fandoms and commissions gets you clicks!). i kept all those to myself (granted I didn't have a lot to begin with LOL) and only shared them with close friends. sometimes i'd post something on the bird-app, but it wasn't constant.

and then few years ago, a couple things happened to me (for the worse?). it opened my eyes and made me realize how impacted I (as a person) and my creations (as extensions of me) were by others who I shared personal connections with (through relating w/my characters). those things changed my life and made me anxious about talking about them again with others. i got scared. it was bad.

from then on, i shifted my gear towards making a lot of money as I could from commissions. flash forward to the beginning of last year, I had my "icarus-flew-too-close-to-the-sun" moment.................... yeah, burnout is NOT fun.

but at the same time, during those years of making bank and struggling, I was able to connect with someone again who made me love talking about my OCs again. i started roleplaying w/OCs again, I started writing and drawing OCs again. granted, they're not the same ones as before, but they're still my characters, and I want to share their stories with the world (someday). yeah okay, this is veering away from Pumpkin⭐Panic so i'm pulling the reins back on it again.

thank you again (from the bottom of my heart) for sending me this ask. this probably wasn't??? the answer you were expecting, but it made me feel something so HAVE AT IT. 🥹 I have attempted to create some semblances of art for a Pumpkin⭐Panic "reboot" but never got far, so it's most likely I won't be picking the game demo project back up. maybe I'll post them here if I remember to?

i've been thinking about giving the main game some closure at least. an artist I follow did something where when they decided to quit their webcomic, they posted the scripts/concept art/etc of said webcomic so fans can look at it. i think that's something I might try and do, if people are interested.

i also had plans for a prequel game (visual novel written conceptual draft)......... that? that's something I'm still thinking of doing one day, mostly because I have a new OC project now (not PP! related) that I want to bring to life but have no idea on the direction I want to go with. a friend told me that maybe trying to do an experimental visual novel with the prequel (of PP!) might help me get a feel for where I want to go for said new story. it doesn't have a proper name that I'm happy with, but............

i just think these goobers deserve that finished, at least.

thank you one again for your ask, sorry if it was sooooo long-winded, and i hope you have a wonderful day as well! <3

[justporo]

Hey Poro. I don't recall you ever talking about your Tav. Do you have any posts about them or any cool info you wanna share? (Saw you were open to asks, so I thought I'd drop one hæhæ)

Oh yes, hello! I guess you're right. And that although she's the Tav in most all of my stories (especially my longform fics).

So let me introduce my wonderful girl to you. And yes: her name is indeed just Tav. Don't come for me - I didn't plan for any of this but now here we are. I am just Poro and she is just Tav.

I'm always happy about questions about my girl tho - I do have a background story and all flashed out for her. I just... never talked about it??

Oh, and she's been my profile pic from very early one, I am still in love with the wonderful drawing @azaani-art did of her!

Full Name: Tav (yes, that's it, maybe she takes on Ancunín sometime, eh?) Race: Woodelf Class: Ranger (Urban tracker background) Height: 5'5 Pronouns: She/Her

More about her personality and backstory below the cut!

Personality: She's witty, rebellious, will stab you if the need arises or pickpocket all your gold if you're mean to her. But she still believes that there's ultimately good in the world. A hope that sometimes makes her take stupid and naive risks. And never has she experienced a love like she has with Astarion - and she's sure she'll never will again. Might be it started as a silly crush because she never experienced someone giving her this kind of attention, but now... She'd kill for him and die for him - although she'd very much prefer the first.

Story: Tav was the daughter to a loveless affair of a very high-up wood elf noble, her father, and her high-elf mother from Baldur's Gate. Immediately abandoned by her mother after birth on the steps of a cloister in the city where she spent the first few years of her life. A life where she was treated harshly from the very first steps on she could take. So still being a child, she fled the abuse and started to live on the streets of Baldur's Gate where she not only had to grow up quickly but learn how to be proficient with sleight of hand, stealth and running away as fast as possible when the former two skills weren't enough. She always did what it takes even though it meant making objectively stupid decisions. She's hardened, cold, with a sharp tongue and violent if need be to those she perceives as a threat because you had to be if you didn't want to be taken advantage off as a woman. But this also means she's made herself unapproachable, so never really has she experienced someone giving her attention for anything but her skillset, complimenting her, wooing her. But to those she perceives as her friends or close ones she's a helpless people-pleaser and pushover rising from a desperate desire to not be left alone again; deeply believing she's only worth as much as she can be of use. She joined a band of thieves for which she and her friends she found there took on highbrow heists - until the day Tav was taken and a parasite in her brain but much more a sassy vampire shook her and her beliefs to the core.

A few more funfacts:

the piercings she has, she's done herself (thank the gods she didn't die of an infection

the tattoos she has she had done very young when she felt rebellious after she first found out about her real father - back then she thought it would make her look fierce; now she knows it was a little stupid but they're a part of her now; Astarion likes to let his thumbs run along them and calls her his "little fiend"

her main role during her thieving times was stakeout and keeping an eye on the others from above with her bow - during long and boring stakeout times she picked up drawing as a hobby: she just drew what she saw, so she could keep an eye on stuff but also busy herself

the scar is from her time when she first fled the cloister and joined a group of street kids (all boys) and she was repeatedly forced to show how brave she was; always having to be at least twice as couragous as the others just to make up for her being a girl

she has a definite problem with authorities

and she could probably drink you under the table

she's not good at taking care of herself, so Astarion calls her his street cat - and has to teach her a thing or two about self-care

[salemsrealm]

i have a theory. a genshin theory. a venti theory.

spoilers for entire game up to now.

In the finale of the most recent archon quest, focalors returns the power of the hydro throne to neuvilette. when he did his cool hydro thing to save the people of fontaine his little hair tails got longer and he looked a bit more hydro dragony

(screenshot from "The Death of a God | Genshin Impact" MaxLeveL on Youtube)

In the finale of the Mondstadt Archon quest, Dvalin gets a similar upgrade in appearance after saving the gang from falling to their deaths.

okay, so you know what i'm getting at here. so, let's establish some things.

neuvilette is the hydro dragon sovereign,

the dragons who are also known vishaps, were the previous civilization of tevat before the descenders and humans

in the 3.1 livestream Enjou (the abyss herald from enko) referred to dvalin as a vishap

dvalin has been around for about 2000 years, helping venti with mond

therefore, for this theory, it can be inferred that Dvalin is a potential new anemo dragon sovereign

but why do i think that venti was able to give Dvalin the power of the anemo throne back, like focalors did for neuvilette

the answer has to do with venti's trickster tendencies, forgery abilties, and his connection to the god of time.

so here's a quick rundown of the venti stuff:

he's a liar and trickster who tends to redirect most conversations hes in (watch any cut scene he's in)

he's known for forging things, from Morax's signature, to the Holy Lyre at the end of the mond archon quest

in Venti's trailer it is said he is "full of mystery, born from the branches of time, a history of glory and sorrow, a witness to the divine"; he also says is one of the thousand winds, the thousand winds is an epithet for the god of time; venti and the god of time were worshipped together at the thousand winds temple; venti used anemo powers to draw memories from the past during ludi harpastrum; and although he tends to be humble as a god, he does brag that there is not a song he doesn't know, past, present, or future; there is so much more

so, when focalors gives the hydro throne power back to neuvilette, it's in the shape of a watery orb. in the mond quest, as the gang is leaving old monstadt on the back of dvalin, venti sends an anemo power orb to dvalin, causing dvalin to light up all anemo and state "is this... the power of the anemo archon?" and questions it, venti responding that he is giving him proper freedom.

okay but it took focalors a lot of work to trick celestia and gather power to destroy the throne. focalors was not just trying to give back the power to neuvilette, that was just one of her goals. she was also trying to defy a judgement from celestia (known to turn people into hilichurls for accessing forbidden knowledge, and dropping nails onto misbehaving civilizations) That is why her plan is so convoluted. and successful.

why do i think venti could do something similar. because he lies about how powerful he is. when signora takes his gnosis, he could have just turned into wind and left. it's literally one of the first things we see him do. instead he just blows wind at her and talks in rhyme (like he does when he's performing). he says he's the weakest archon because of his non visibility and amount of worshippers, but out of the nations we've seen, he's got one of the most visible and active worship bases out of all the archons. he also tends to sleep during time of peace, ostensibly to stave off erosion, but it could also be a way to collect power over time.

we also know he doesn't like celestia, saying he wouldn't visit even if invited, and having that trauma flash in the manhua.

i think it is possible that the anemo throne is already destroyed, either in the past, or recently; or that it will be in the future, but venti was able the draw the power back into the past so that it could not be intercepted by a third party (tsarista, who wants to destroy celestia). we have seen time powers maintain an illusion from the present to the past (the great sakura tree was grown in the present, but also in the past thanks to istaroth and makoto). it is not far fetchted to think that ability could be used similarly on the throne.

venti, who cares for dvalin like family, returns the power of the anemo sovereign back to him, but uses time to keep up the illusion of the throne until such time that illusion is no longer needed. the throne is either already destroyed or will be destroyed, but the power is in dvalin. venti pretends to loose the gnosis to keep up the illusion to celestia that he is nominally loyal to them, but without the gnosis, he is now truly free

"Is this... the power of the anemo archon?"

Genshin Impact Venti Archon Quest Prologue Full Story Gameplay (Eng Dub) Bluemeat GG on youtube

[lana-llama-in-pajamas]

Your not 12 anymore

I know it’s a sus title you’ll get it Jebus.

Chapter 1

Cameras flashed as you smiled and posed, distant pop played as more people joined you holding you close and sticking their tongues out and laughing. It felt like a dream hazy and euphoric, a gorgeous woman pulled you away holding you close as she lead you to a room full of dancing and the pop music you heard getting louder “damn, I think the coke is getting to you” she yelled “next time don’t let Lana pressure you too much ok?” She held you close again making sure your body movements matched hers, she was right but that’s the life of a pornstar no?

“What’s your current body count?” A bald douche asked waiting to make a point stared at you and a few of the girls that were at the party a few days ago “maybe we should start with how much you paid all of us to be here. Since you lied about not having to pay for women” you said blank faced as the girls giggled making him stare daggers at you “listen here FEMALE. Your low value and that’s the only reason you’re being paid” he lowkey yells trying to control the narrative and himself “next time pay us more than 500. Byyee” you got up, the other girls followed as a hurl of insults were thrown by the red pill and his goonies.

“Omg I’ve never walked out of one of those things before” one girl laughed hugging her friend “his fault for paying us first” you explained walking to your car “dumbass” jona yelled back towards the dinky office were the podcast was held, you and jona got in your car still laughing and waving to the others before driving off “wanna go eat?” You asked focused on the road while jona turned up the speakers “ugh I wish but I have a shoot tomorrow so all I’m eating is salad, tell you what when it’s over let’s gorge on sushi” she said excitedly clasping her hands together “I’m down. I gotta do a video tonight actually” you sighed.

You finally got to the rented mansion getting out with a duffle bag “y/n! You made it!” A muscle bro went to hug you, “names chad, been in the game 4 years” (haha funny), the ‘game’ was what everyone called the industry. It made it less awkward, . You walked in together Chad going on and on about whatever, you genuinely didn’t care you saw him as a check and he probably saw you as the same. The mansion was amazing, the ceiling was so high you had to turn your head all the way to see the top. the front door lead to the living room where you could see cameras wires and boom mics, an old man walked over in a baseball hat, matching shirt and jeans "ah the stars, heres ya scripts. go get ready and come down so we can talk more and start, bathrooms upstairs are all yours" his voice was gruff as he winked at you, you nodded not wanting to give him any indication that you hated or enjoyed it. chad turned to you happy as can be "you wanna brain storm ideas while you do your makeup?" you turned and walked up the stairs sighing "sure chad" he followed like a puppy setting his stuff at the door as you walked in placing your makeup bag down "your gonna..sit on the floor?" you asked sitting at the vanity seeing chad avoid the inside of the bathroom as he sat at the door "just wanna give you space" he looked up from his script, it almost made you smile but you turned back to the mirror "theres specific positions but other than that he wants me to be flirty and you oblivious, think you can do that miss tutor?" chad chuckles drawing on his paper. you looked at the script reading the title:

hot innocent tutor gets dominated by jock staring- y/n L/n chad lexing mostly improve. actors can create story that must last 10 minutes before actual porn scene.

you scratched out 'innocent' with a eye liner before going back to your lips "wanna be funny and see if he catches on?" you asked hoping chad would get your mean

"this isn't a beach this is a bathtub lady!" chad immediately blurts out making you laugh "ooh pretty laugh" he wiggled his eyebrows "shut up!" you said between breathing "but yeah that basically but reversed" you explained now smiling at him "great! imma go shave and change" he grabbed his duffel bag and rolled away on the floor making you laugh again, now you kinda felt bad for being cold, but it seems hes used to that. soon you were finally done and put on your outfit, pulling your skirt up you could feel eyes on you so you quickly fixed it and glared at the door....to see nothing, you looked around and yelled for chad but only got the shower running as a response. the 'eyes' felt like daggers to you, almost supernatrual. your heavy breathing turning into a mini panic attack as you walked around the hall opening every door and looking into every corner you finally walked back into the bathroom closing the door and locking it, hoping you were just getting withdrawals or just nervous,

You could hear your own heart in your ears.

Your breathing.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

You shrieked looking out to the window to see a figure for a split second before it disappeared. Chad ran in a towel trying to open the door “y/n?? You ok?” You turned to the door scrambling to open it “the window! Chad look!” You pointed and in your fear opened the window to see…nothing just a tree “it’s just shadows” he chuckled closing the window “it’s ok” he held out his hands to you and you obliged hugging him, he patted your back like a friend before you both let go “you look good” he winked “come with me to change and we can head downstairs, no scary monster will get you” he held out a hand that you took. You were starting to really like Chad, even if he was calling you crazy.

The scene went as expected, one minute your insulting this ‘jock’ the next he was holding you up like a pretzel. And yes you both had to cut a few time to laugh at your improv. In the end you both laid in an Alaskan king bed blinded by studio lighting and an ugly middle aged man clapping “beautiful! I like the bit there with the tongue” he wiggled his eyebrows as you and Chad just side eyed, Chad getting the hint you were uncomfortable “awesome man, we’re gonna go shower” he slapped his sweaty, fluid covered hand on the man’s shoulder before gesturing you to go first, “gross lexing” the director slapped his hand away “my wife bought me this shirt” the director deadpanned “your checks will be in the kitchen. My assistant will escort you out.” He huffed motioning everyone to wrap up and go home. You leaned your back up against the shower wall as the water hit you, Chad used the other shower so you were alone. You heard the door and remembered chads bag was in the room so you weren’t alarmed, until you could hear the door creak as you were covered in shampoo “Chad? I don’t think your stuff is in here” you yelled out wiping off your face about to scream before your mouth was covered by a dirt covered hand “boo.”

Y/n:

[spacefinch]

Marvel stuff:

“Sam, Son of Wil” — Thor (probably)

Peter Parker (faking a British accent): The hawk scans his territory for prey. Spotting it from several meters away, he locks onto his target and attacks. Clint Barton (doing archery target practice): [eye roll] Peter: And he strikes. The unsuspecting creature will never know what hit it. The hawk now pauses to survey the wide open countryside he calls home. Clint: [turns to glare at Peter]: I’m trying to focus here! What do you think this is, a British nature documentary! Peter (still in British accent): One should not forget that nearly all birds of prey— including this one— are very territorial. Clint: I swear, if you don’t stop narrating…

Sign in the Avengers Tower kitchen: FOOD ONLY ABSOLUTELY NO SCIENCE IN THIS KITCHEN

Steve Rogers: [sneezes] Another Avenger: GOD BLESS AMERICA

Tony Stark: [casually holding Thor’s hammer] Thor: WHAT IN THE NINE REALMS?! [completely loses his marbles] A few hours earlier Stark: [3-D printing an exact replica of the hammer] I can’t wait to see the look on Thor’s face…

No one: Absolutely no one: Thor: [slams coffee mug on table] “ANOTHER!” [slams beer glass on table] “ANOTHER!” [dents seemingly durable travel mug] “ANOTHER!” After these incidents, Tony Stark decides to invent an indestructible mug for Thor.

Team Midnight Ice Cream Party: Tony, Thor, Clint, Wanda, Peter, Scott, Quill, Groot, and Shuri.

Whenever Steve is really stressed out, he goes to the Bartons’ farm and splits firewood using his super-soldier strength. Sometimes Bucky Barnes uses this coping method as well.

Shuri finds the most unattractive and embarrassing pictures of her brother T’Challa and uses them as reaction memes. And she sends them to all her friends so they too can use them.

Someone (most likely Peter Parker) introduces Thor to YouTube and sets him up with a channel.

A few of Thor’s greatest YouTube hits include: ➢ A series where he’s like “Hold this” and hands Mjolnir over to another Avenger, then watches their reaction as they fall over. ➢ How to do “Get Help”, featuring Loki. ➢ How Long Can We Keep Our Friends Convinced We Have No Clue How To Use Modern Technology? (guest starring Steve Rogers)

Scott Lang likes going to the zoo. Only he likes messing with the other visitors. He uses ventriloquism and other stage magic techniques to make it look like the animals are talking, throwing food at people, etc… At the end of the day, he runs into the parking lot, shouting, “THEY’RE LOOSE, EVERYBODY! RUN!!!”

Clint Barton, meeting the Revengers: Thor: So this is a little team I put together. I call it “The Revengers.” C: “Revengers?” I see what you did there. So who is part of it? T: Myself… C: Nice. T: Bruce Banner… Banner: Good to see you, Clint. C: You too. T: Valkyrie… She’s a new friend. Valkyrie: [introduces herself] T: and Loki. Loki: Hello. C: Wait a minute… Narrator: FLASH. BACK. [cut to Loki mind-controlling Clint] [cut to the Avengers fighting Loki in New York] [cut to Clint aiming the bow at Loki in Stark Tower] Narrator: END OF FLASHBACK. Thor: [pointing to Loki] Don’t worry. He’s good now. Most of the time. Loki: [pulls out a dagger] Clint: [draws his bow and arrow] Thor: [stepping between them] There will be no fighting here today. Is that clear? Everyone: Yes. Clint: [does the “I’m watching you” gesture in Loki’s direction]

“Oh, sure, when Spider-Man jumps and swings from building to building, he’s a ‘hero’ and ‘protecting the city,’ but when I do it, I’m ‘reckless’ and ‘a menace to society.’ WHY?!” — Peter Parker, in civilian clothing

(At the teacup ride in Disneyland) Tony, Steve, T’Challa, and Natasha: spinning slowly, enjoying their ride in peace. Peter, Bucky, Shuri, and Yelena: Spinning really fast, and yelling at the top of their lungs. (Bucky is using his vibranium arm to spin the teacup at the speed of sound, while Peter, Shuri, and Yelena keep chanting “FASTER!”)

(At an outdoor summer barbecue) Wanda: [levitating watermelons with her powers] Clint: [using a katana to slice the watermelons in half]

Animal superhero club: Members: Spider-Man (Peter Parker), Ant-Man (Scott Lang), Wasp (Hope van Dyne), Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff), the Hawkeyes (Clint Barton and Kate Bishop), Rocket Racoon, Mantis, Black Panther (T’Challa), Falcon (Sam Wilson), White Wolf (Bucky Barnes), Goose the cat (technically a Flerken), and Groot (technically a plant but he was very insistent about joining).

Club rules:

Goose, please don’t eat any of our friends.

Members will sit IN CHAIRS, LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE, during club meetings. This means no hanging on the ceiling, Peter.

Rocket, please refrain from stealing Bucky’s vibranium arm.

WATCH YOUR STEP! We don’t want Scott or any of his insect friends getting squashed.

Pets are allowed, as long as they are well-behaved.

Those who can fly, please do it outdoors.

No video games during meetings. This means you, Groot.

Clint teaches the other Avengers sign language because he thinks it is a useful skill (which it is) and everyone should know it (also true). Most of the Avengers use it properly (for hand signals during missions and to have serious conversations), but Peter Parker and his friends use it to sign memes and pop culture references to each other.

How Nick Fury lost his eye has become somewhat of a tall tale amongst the SHIELD agents and the Avengers. And if anyone asks Fury what really happened, he just gives them a look that means “I have more important matters to attend to than this question.”

Ant-Man being fired into battle by the other Avengers: Exhibit A: Hawkeye: Okay, Scott. Jump on this arrow. Ant-Man: No problem. Exhibit B: Cap: I’ll throw the shield. You hang on tight. Ant-Man: Okay…. Exhibit C: Thor: Tiny man, shrink and ride Mjolnir into battle. Ant-Man: Ummm…. Exhibit D: Iron Man: All right, get on this missile… Ant-Man: No!

Whenever Loki gets particularly upset and needs comfort, he’ll shape-shift into a cat and seek affection from people. So far, the only person who knows it’s him is Thor.

Scott: [playing the drums] [explosion in distance] Scott: [plays drums louder] Also: Peter Quill: [listening to 80s music on his Walkman) [explosion in distance] Quill: [turns up the volume on the Walkman]

Every other superhero: This is my real name and this is my superhero name. Doctor Strange: I’m Doctor Strange. Someone in the crowd: But what’s your real name? Doctor Strange: [sigh]

Tony Stark: [emailing Clint Barton] You know those crazy trick arrows you bring on missions? I have some ideas for those. I’m attaching the plans with this email. Clint: [emailing him back] Thanks. I’ll look at them later. A few days later, Tony invites Clint over to Avengers Tower, where they hang out and work on making trick arrows (and other unnecessary but cool weapons).

Clint, trying to access the Quinjet’s controls: “Voice activation required.” “Barton.” “Access denied.” “Clint Barton.” “Access denied.” “AGENT Barton.” “Access denied.” “Hawkeye.” “Access denied.” [frustrated] “HAWKEYE!” “Access denied.” [grumbling] “Darn it, Stark.” [begrudgingly] “Legolas.” “Access granted.” Steve Rogers has the same problem. The system won’t let him in until he very begrudgingly says “Capsicle.”

Chaotic trio idea: Hawkeye, Yondu, and Doctor Strange.

[wreywrites]

Tiger Shark

Part 6: The Reef

Chapter 33

I am so wildly depressed. I don’t need Katniss’s mother to tell me that. But she does, with reassuring words and a kind smile and simple instructions to do something I enjoy even if it’s for ten minutes a day. I ask her if I can have some paper and a pencil. I want to draw.

That night, when I get back to 405 for the scheduled half-hour of down-time before supper, I find a whole empty notebook and three pencils on my bed. Katniss’s mother is the real hero in District Thirteen.

I don’t know how long we’ve been here.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

Alvan tells me it has been three weeks since I moved into 405 as we leave the classroom after an hour lecture on nuclear history. I spent it making imaginary doodles, drawing on the desk with my finger. I couldn’t care less about nuclear history even before I lost everything that mattered.

We go down to lunch and sit at our usual spot at the end of the long table. Gloss takes the end, I sit next to him, and Alvan sits across from him. We’ve found it works best to create a buffer between Gloss and everyone else. He’s the least popular person I know of in Thirteen and most people will sit literally anywhere other than next to him.

Today, though, a little boy with that distinct Twelve look sits down next to Alvan across from me. A slightly younger boy sits next to him, and a tiny girl sits next to me. About a minute later, a woman who can only be their mother sits next to the girl, and a young man joins the boys. Him I think I recognize, but in the stupidest possible way.

“You’re Katniss’s cousin. The one they interviewed during her Games.”

He looks confused for half a second, then nods.

“You’re not really her cousin.”

An impressed grin flashes across his face. “I’m not.” Then he leans forward, stretching a hand across the table. “Gale Hawthorne.”

I shake the offered hand. “Annie Cresta.”

“I know,” he says, still friendly. I can tell he doesn’t care about all the stuff that comes with me being Annie Cresta. He just cares that I’m here, and that even crazy Annie could see through the Capitol’s lies about him. Then Gale’s gaze flickers to my side and I glance over to see the little girl staring at me.

“Posy,” the woman says, “We don’t stare.”

Posy ignores her and instead says, with the widest eyes I have ever seen, “Your hair is beautiful.”

I smile. If these little kids aren’t terrified of us, maybe life isn’t so bad. “Thank you.”

One of the boys next to her says, “Is it true you treaded water for eight hours?”

The woman turns to glare at him. “Rory, give the poor girl some peace. The last thing she needs is reminded of that horrible time.”

Rory hangs his head. “I was just wondering. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s alright,” I say. I may as well get used to people asking questions like this. At least they’re talking to me. And sitting with us. And at least kids don’t judge. “I did. It made me really glad I was good at swimming.”

“What’s your favorite kind of fish?” the other boy blurts. “We only had one kind we ever ate in Twelve and it wasn’t very good.”

The woman seems to have given up. “Vick…” she sighs.

Down the table, Gale is chuckling. “Sorry about them. When we came in, I told them who you were and now they have a million questions.”

I smile. “That’s fine.” I lean toward Vick. “They’re not technically a fish, but shrimp are my favorite. Spicy shrimp rolls on a rainy winter day… mmmmmm.”

“What do they taste like?” Rory jumps back in.

I frown. What do shrimp taste like? How do I explain them to this poor kid from Twelve? Shrimp taste like whatever you cook them in, which is usually butter and garlic, at least in my house. “Butter and garlic,” I say.

He’s an octopus, he’ll taste like whatever I cook him in. Beck and Mags are laughing at an indignant Finnick. I laugh with them. The great Finnick Odair, reduced to a terrified quivering mass by an annoyed cephalopod.

“Annie?”

I snap to attention. All three of the kids are staring at me. Wide-eyed, I turn to Alvan.

He gives me a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. We’re here. You’re safe.”

I don’t know what happened and I’m not about to ask, but the sudden silence around the table means it unnerved these poor kids. All they wanted was to learn unimportant little details about me, and instead they got full-sails crazy.

Gale saves us from the impending silence. He leans forward around the boys and says to Alvan, “Alvan, right?”

Alvan nods, leaning back and extending a hand around Rory and Vick. “Pleased to meet ya.”

“You too.” Gale shakes his hand. “Met Dalton yet? He came up here from Ten a few years ago, I guess.”

“Yeah, turns out I used to work for his uncle.”

Alvan and Gale dissolve into some discussion about raising cattle, and Vick and Rory quickly get bored with that and start telling me all about themselves.

“I smashed my finger yesterday!” Vick says.

“Smashed your finger?” I slip into that intense interest that I haven’t used since the last time I saw Cassia Vickers. I start to wonder what is happening to her these days, but force myself to pay attention to the boys across from me.

Vick nods, holding his hand up so I can see the blackened fingernail on his pointer finger. “My class was helping carry supplies from one level to another and I got bumped around and smashed it between the box and the wall.”

“You must be pretty tough,” I say.

He puffs up. “I am.”

“So am I!” Rory says. “I won the wrestling contest for my class last year at school!”

“Did you?”

Rory and Vick spend the next twenty minutes telling me about their various achievements and leaving me little time to respond, which means I can just listen and eat my flavorless soup and handful of grapes and nod or gasp when appropriate.

When our scheduled lunch time is over, we all stand.

“Rory, Vick, Posy, it was nice to meet you.” I give them another smile, then glance at the woman. “And… I’m sorry…” I don’t remember hearing her name, but as reliable as my mind is, it’s hard to tell.

“Hazelle,” she smiles. “I’m Gale’s mom. And these three’s,” she rolls her eyes affectionately.

That makes sense. “It was nice to meet you too, Hazelle.”

She nods. “You too, Annie. You’re always welcome to eat with us, if you can stand it.” Then she extends her smile to Alvan and Gloss. “And you two as well. We know what it’s like to be the outsiders.”

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

Our meal times don’t always match up with the Hawthorne family’s, but when they do, we make sure to sit together. Those kids are amazing, and I tell Hazelle as much one day when they leave before the rest of us to get to class.

“I’m serious. Nobody else will even look at Gloss, and they’re not much better to me and Alvan.”

“I know,” she says, sounding sad. “It’s hard to… Twelve had nothing. It’s hard to look at a Career being mopey and feel bad for him. And Alvan… I know what happened to him, but… he did kill his District counterpart, and that’s hard to overlook in the poor districts. But the kids,” now she smiles, “the kids don’t know that. They just want to hear about life in other places. And now that I know what you’re all like, it's much easier for me too.” Hazelle puts a hand on my shoulder. “I wish you all the best, Annie.”

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

Peeta is on TV, talking to Caesar Flickerman. Peeta is alive. Caesar asks him a question, but all I hear is, “Mags! You wouldn’t lie to us. Do you eat whale in District Four?”

No one has any idea how many victors are still alive, after twelve of them were lined up and shot. The Capitol hasn’t announced any deaths among the others, but maybe they wouldn’t. Or maybe they did and I forgot. Or faded out and didn’t hear. All of those people. My friends. Where are they? What’s happening to them?

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

The next day, we are all called to an assembly in the Collective, a huge room that easily holds the thousands of people who show up. It had to have been built for large gatherings, but since the pox epidemic that Dalton told us about at supper either yesterday or three weeks ago, they can’t have had any need for such a large space. Now that everyone except those with essential jobs are gathered together, I can see how widespread the fallout from the pox is. There are scars everywhere, and the children are few and far between, and most of them slightly disfigured.

Then Coin approaches the podium, calls us to attention, and begins. In the shortest speech I have ever heard, she tells us that Katniss has agreed to be the Mockingjay, provided the victors we lost to the Capitol—Peeta—the crowd is unimpressed by this—Finnick, Johanna, Cecelia, Cashmere—here she starts to lose the crowd to rumbles of dissent—Brutus, and Enobaria—as well as any other victors that are still alive and in the Capitol’s control, will be granted full pardon for any damage they do to the rebel cause.

The crowd’s hostility grows. I can tell exactly where Katniss is standing among them by following the funnel of angry looks.

But Alvan turns to Gloss and me, smiling broadly as he mutters, “Hear that? They’re takin’ care’a y’all.”

Indeed they seem to be. I smile as well. Katniss has demanded Peeta back for herself, but she has also demanded Finnick and Johanna, and Cashmere for Gloss, and Cecelia, and even Brutus and Enobaria, who tried to kill us.

Katniss Everdeen is perhaps not so unfriendly and aloof as the Capitol would have had the rest of the victors believe.

Coin goes on. “But in return for this unprecedented request, Soldier Everdeen has promised to devote herself to our cause. It follows that any deviation from her mission, in either motive or deed, will be viewed as a break in this agreement. The immunity would be terminated and the fate of the victors determined by the law of District Thirteen. As would her own. Thank you.”

Now I hope Katniss is good at listening to instructions and playing the game. Because I’m not losing them again.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

We are all quiet at supper that night. Even Posy, Vick, and Rory.

Finally, even though I know a discussion of hypotheticals won’t make me feel better, or guarantee Katniss will play nice with Coin, I look at Alvan. “Why didn’t you go after them too?”

“Katniss was never my job.”

I frown. He was in on it though, wasn’t he?

Alvan smiles a little, reaches across the table, and squeezes one of my hands. “You were my job. We knew you’d stick with Finnick, but we knew he might have to chase down Katniss or somethin’, so we needed someone-”

“Someone I’d trust.” I smile back at him. “Thank you.”

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

The next morning, our wrist schedules don’t print the usual nightmare of classes and organized exercise. Instead, it is breakfast, and then Command.

“That’s new.” Gloss frowns at his.

I nod, watching mine print on as well. “You think we did something wrong?”

Alvan shakes his head. “I think Coin remembered she’s got more victors. They’re gonna make us an offer.”

“Or a threat,” Gloss says darkly.

“’N’ what’ll ya do if they do?” Alvan asks as we leave 405 to go to breakfast. “Tell ’em no? With nothin’ to bargain with?”

We eat breakfast in silence. I am digesting what Alvan said, and what he didn’t say, what was left on the fringes. I have less than nothing to bargain with. All I have is things they can use against me.

I’m not Katniss.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

We enter Command together, after showing both guards the schedules on our wrists, and a third guard checking something on his computer. Apparently after the stunts Gloss and I tried to pull, they’re keeping tighter tabs on us when it comes to what rooms we try to get into.

Inside, sitting around a rectangular table, surrounded by TV screens, are Coin and her bodyguard, whose name I don’t know, Plutarch, and his assistant Fulvia. Coin gives us her best look of neutral displeasure.

Plutarch, however, smiles and gestures for us to sit.

I sit in my usual spot next to Gloss, like I would at meals, only to find Alvan sitting down on my other side.

You were my job.

Alvan apparently takes his jobs very seriously.

I brace for terrible news, for threats against my family and friends, for everything Snow has said and would have said if he’d had one more meeting with me.

What I get is something entirely unexpected.

Coin leans forward, steepling her fingers in front of her chin as she leans her elbows on the table and scrutinizes us. “Will you fight?” she asks.

I blink.

“Fight?”

“What?”

Plutarch jumps in. “We have our Mockingjay. We have…” he takes a deep breath, “Haymitch, who knows how to work with her, and is very smart despite how he sometimes acts. We have Beetee, developing weapons and technology. And we have you three.”

I want to make some joke about how we’re the two they didn’t want and one they wanted the rest of us to kill, but Plutarch goes on.

“You are victors,” he says.

This feels like a trap. Like I just ran out of water tablets and Plutarch is promising me more if only I’ll walk around this blind corner, jump into this murky water, swim into this cave. He is a Gamemaker, after all. I frown.

“Why?” Alvan asks quietly. “Ya got your Mockingjay. Haven’t we fought enough?”

Coin opens her mouth, but Plutarch beats her to it. “We don’t need you to go to the front lines. We just need you to look like you’re fighting. We need your faces and your support.”

“You need us to be your Peeta,” I say, surprising even myself.

Plutarch nods. “If the districts see other victors standing up with Katniss… Well, it could turn the tide.”

“I’m not the moon, Plutarch.”

“Agreed, but everyone loved the Tiger Shark.”

His statement hangs in the air for a while.

I look at the table, thinking. I’m not sure I can trust myself to do anything. It’s not life-or-death anymore, something I have to do to survive, and I don’t have Finnick to keep me grounded.

Finnick.

Like I’ve willed him into existence, I see his name on the table. I frown. Then I realize it is Coin’s speech from last night. The hard copy, laying here on the table in front of us, a promise and a threat, hanging over our heads.

I nod.

“I s’pose,” Alvan says. “Who knows what y’all’ll do to me ’f I don’t.”

“Yeah,” Gloss says.

“Excellent!” Plutarch claps his hands together. “Fulvia, we’ll need those costumes as soon as possible, and we’ll have to get with Beetee for weapons, and-”

Coin is still giving us the neutral look of displeasure.

“What?” Alvan frowns back at her. “Y’ain’t so sure now that ya got us?”

The neutral look of displeasure deepens to a real frown. “You may be victors to the rest of Panem, but here you are citizens like the rest of us. I assure you, I have made no promises to anyone for your safety. It would be unfortunate if I had to arrange for an accident to befall any of you if you were no longer useful.” Then she stands and leaves.

Alvan stares after her. Gloss stares through the table.

My hands are shaking. I’ve heard this before.

It didn’t matter what they threatened her with. It never has. I guess this was the easiest solution.

The door closes.

“I don’t want to be Megary,” I whisper, before I can stop myself.

“Ya won’t.” Alvan grabs my wrist. “Hear me, Annie? No more Megarys.”

Gloss’s head whips around to stare at Plutarch. “I’ve played this game before,” he growls, “and I don’t want to play it again.”

Plutarch watches us for several seconds. Then he nods, very slowly. “Nothing bad will happen to any of you, I give you my word. And I won’t let President Coin threaten any of your people to make you cooperate.”

“I don’t have anyone she can get hold of, Plutarch,” Alvan snaps. “That’s the only reason I’m still fightin’.” Then he stands up and storms toward the door.

I follow, Gloss right behind me.

~~~                               ~~~                               ~~~

Fulvia tracks us down in minutes and sends us down to Special Weaponry, where four guards verify our identities, and Fulvia’s, in four different ways, before finally letting us through the door.

Beetee, sitting in a wheelchair, meets us inside. “I see you decided to join up,” he says with something close to a smile. He turns his gaze to Fulvia. “Thank you, Fulvia, that will be all.”

Fulvia nods and leaves.

“This way.” Beetee wheels away, off toward a wall with a big work table in front of it. On the table is an assortment of knives, two swords, and two spears. On the wall hangs what I can only call a cornucopia’s worth of weapons.

I catch myself approaching the table, trailing my fingers along one of the copper-colored spears.

“They collapse,” Beetee says. “I wanted them to be as easy to carry as possible, should you need it.” He picks up the spear near the point. “Just twist-” he twists the top eight inches one way, and the rest of it the other way, “-here.” The spear sucks in on itself, shrinking to maybe eighteen inches long, with the point still sharp and ready. It’s still a weapon, but now it’s a shank. Beetee passes me the other spear and lets me collapse it myself, then expand both by twisting them the other way.

I nod. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I hope the weights are correct.”

I hold one, feeling out the balance. “A little heavy, but I’m a little out of fighting shape.”

Beetee gestures down the room, to a dummy range down the long wall.

“Hm.” I heft the spear in my hand, take a few steps forward in a wind-up, and hurl the spear toward one of the training dummies. The spear sinks into its stomach with a satisfying thump. I smile. At least I won’t be defenseless when Coin tries to make me into Megary.

I throw spears—my own collapsible pair and a half-dozen normal spears Beetee has laying around—while Beetee talks Alvan through the pair of swords and their slight differences and Gloss through his choice of throwing knives, and a nice belt to carry them on.

Before too long, Gloss is next to me at the dummy range, throwing knives with an accuracy that is both terrifying and comforting. I tell myself the dummies are fish. Big swordfish, on the line for hours, on the fight. It’s easier that way.

We only quit when it’s time for supper. My muscles are pleasantly sore. And I have no idea what they want us to do with our new toys that we had to leave locked down in Special Weaponry.

****

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@avoxrising @snow-dragon-rider @anakins-ride-or-die

[paragonrobits]

You swallow and cautiously put up your fists as Mister Murderfist just stares at you.

Grinning. His mouth is too wide, his teeth too sharp, and his eyes are glowing faintly under the mask. It doesn't really feel... right. He's just staring at you, full of excitement and a glimmering sense of malice.

You cautiously say, "Aren't you... a little high ranked for this fight? Where's Doctor Bumrush?"

Murderfist glances down. Now, suddenly, you see a pile of ashes, and they gently blow away in the wind.

Maybe its a coincidence; there is a shadow burned into the wall, and it is the perfect shape of Doctor Bumrush, perhaps caught by surprise before being flash-fried by a single hit.

Mister Murderfist initially doesn't say anything. He just stands up.

Eventually, he starts to speaks. "Ranks, fights set up based on difficulty and skill level. All very organized, all very civilized." He scoffs. "What a load of bullshit, am I right?"

You say nothing. A faint chill is crawling up you back, and when he starts moving towards you, every instinct howls, RUN. GET OUT OF HERE.

He approaches, and is talking again.

"What kind of villain makes agreements like that? Settles down, sticks to a conduct of fuckin' CONDUCT? And what kind of hero sticks by it? Lets bastards like me run around, getting people killed if they don't hero right? I remember a day when heroes and villains acted the damn part. None of this 'doing bad stuff but its really motivated for good reasons' garbage, and none of the heroes actually letting villains organize or dictate terms! They just rushed you down and beat the shit out of you, or they died, and it was fuckin' GLORIOUS!"

He sighs, and looks pensievely at the sky.

"Now its organized. We have ranks, codes of conduct. We agree not to go after kids, or pets, or blow up whole damn city blocks. We don't even get to record our body counts, and the heroes don't get to kill us when we go far enough. What kind of bullshit is that? What kind of stakes are there when its just some kinda performance?"

He stares at you. His eyes are bright, and he is still grinning. Its full of excitement and a nauseating, unwholesome joy.

He says, delight ringing out from every word, "I kill you! Or you kill me! That's how it should be! You stop me before I kill everyone, or I kill you and all the little bystanders and their children, and their pets, and everyone they've ever known!"

He leans in.

He says, "That's how it should be. If the villains here are going to play by the rules, well, I say you guys need to be reminded what a real fucking VILLAIN acts like."

He swings his fist back.

He swings.

And you stop the blow, your own hand swinging out with so much speed that the impact makes a blast, shattering all the windows around you and denting the street.

He flinches back, knocked away from the blast, and when he gets up, his arm is a bloody, ruined mess.

Your arm, though, is blazing with the green flame of rage incarnate.

Your eyes glow green, and you hiss deep, trying to bite back the rage and the hate as it flows out of you, condensed and raw and bitter.

You speak. "And I think its time villains like you were reminded why heroes set up the rank system in the first place. Because its part of the social contract, you know? You play by the rules, you stick to the code of conduct, and you never... ever... go too far..."

You draw your arm back.

Before the fight starts, you say, "Because if you don't play by the rules, you don't get protected by them, and you find out what a real hero is willing to DO."

He smiles as the fight begins properly. "Ah," he says. "Finally."

You are a Class E hero. You show up to fight your Class E villain; as scheduled. Terror hits you as you see the a Class A supervillain standing there.

[baepsays]

Love Hangover⸻ Gojo Satoru x reader

synopsis: "Call me back. Call me back. Call me back." — love hangover by Jennie & Dominic Fike

Cw: toxic relationship, emotional cheating, manipulation, just sex and NSFW stuff, choking (took something from the mv and applied it where I think they implied it :3 ), lot of back and forth, use of the word 'bitch' to refer to the reader (not by Gojo), hate sex, oral sex, fem anatomy, no particular use of pronouns for reader, lowkey angst sorryyy, they are just both pretty shitty lol. Mention of alcohol consumption and cigarettes

'Call me back' received. 2.13AM 

You and Gojo Satoru might be great people, your respective friends will agree. But when you're together it's as if all hell breaks loose. They do not understand. Neither do you two. He makes you so unlike yourself, so unrecognizable, it's often difficult for you to fathom the person you become around him. 

He becomes an unbearable prick; controlling and smothering you, simply too much for you to handle. In return you become a shady bitch; criticizing his every gesture. “Roses instead of lilies? Did you confuse me for someone else?” One day you would be joking over the dinner you made him, next day you would be wishing he was dead. Going through his phone, shouting at him and asking if he is speaking to his exes, was a regular occurrence. Then you won’t talk altogether, but just fight constantly—while lying under your covers together, while eating, on the phone, in public— just making things harder for everyone and yourselves. Until one of you goes;

‘I’m over, I'm so over.’

But you two would always end up where you started. One coincidental meeting with Gojo Satoru somewhere, anywhere, could be that you're across the street from each other; sitting in different restaurants, with different people— and that would be enough for both of you. Doesn't matter he has some girl hanging off his arms. Or the fact you are on a second date with some guy, thinking this might be something serious; a single, double, triple back from him, and suddenly the fact that he was still entertaining his date while you could practically feel his gaze burning your skin, won’t matter—not that it did not bother you. In fact, to put it simply, you do not really mind when he plays you. Because you two will always end up back in each other’s arms. 

‘One minute, we're growin' apart, and next, I'm in her apartment.’

And here you go again. Doesn't matter how many times either of you tell yourselves and your friends that ‘I swear I'll never do it again!’ But you always do it again, and again, and again. He always ends up ringing your doorbell, unannounced. Does not matter you did not pick up his calls, does not matter you did not answer his texts— One “Call me back” at 2 AM, then suddenly he is at your door. And you know he will be there. No matter what, you two always end up in front of each other’s doors. You may not answer his texts or calls; but when you open the door for him and beckon him inside, he will always be welcomed with two glasses of wine. For the sake of the pretense of wanting to have a civil conversation over wine like two grown adults, finally resolving this push and pull and drawing a firm boundary— is all a faux excuse. you still have the keys to his place, and he still has the keys to yours. And they are not being returned any time soon.  

In a flash you're on your couch, back arching off from its surface and fingernails digging in and ruining the fabric. Again. The other hand would be a tangled mess in his hair. The bigger mess would be pooled under you and around his mouth. Again. Eating you out like he has never before, or he might never again. But he knows better than that. 

So, you would start all over again. Things would be blissful for a while. Sweet talking, going on dates, reminiscing about everything which was good. Thinking this time you would take it slow. Take your time with just hanging out and getting to know each other all over again, promising to not repeat the past. All over again. Though when you two would go out for dinner, all that talk would bore you to death. It is not that you feel like staying with Satoru because of who he is, in fact the more you think about that the more it makes you want to leave him, but you want nothing more than to keep him around, forever. And Satoru knows that, hates that really. Always thinking “what's up with that?” — but just as the waiter would bring out the check, you would gaze at him all sultry and go, 

"Let's head to mine."

And all Satoru would be able to utter is , "Okay, awesome."

Subsequently, there would be just lots, lots of sex. Spending days in bed; skipping work, calling in sick, flaking on friends and practically going missing. And everyone would already know what to expect, nothing new, just the cycle repeating itself. 

Spending days in each other’s company giggling about, high on sex and the thrill of having each other back. Then the nights would pass with him being  buried, as deep as he possibly can be, inside of you. Just spending nights watching you get naked instead of watching the movie he chose himself— roaming his hands all over every ridge and curve on your body, encoding new details, leaving kisses and marks all over you. Places where everyone will be able to see, but also places only he would be able to access; tucked away safe even from your own eyes.  Letting the muscles inside your pussy hug him snug, fitting like she has never known anyone but him, because even she knows no matter who comes and goes— his shape will stay. 

As soon as he would get his hopes back up again. Just as soon the momentary bliss would be unexpectedly cut short. One day you are holding each other to sleep after indulging in each other’s bodies, the next moment you are shaking his hands off you and he is waking up with cold sweat all over him. Then you would stop reciprocating his kisses, leaving his lips cracking. Giving short and curt replies to questions, getting irritated over small things. Not that this is unprovoked. Unknowingly to Satoru, before he could delete the texts from the girls flooding his phone and block their numbers; you saw it all.

Back to square one. Fights and nights spent away from each other doing reckless stuff to provoke each other. Because why are you kissing his eyelids and calling him your one and only one moment, and then accusing him of ruining your life another day.

Soon enough you’re going to a club and letting people openly hit on you. Ignoring his calls and texts, to a point he has no choice but to pull up your location (do not ask how he got that). Then letting him drag you back to his place, shout out profanities at you, rip off every piece of clothing from your body. Doing nothing about him pushing you face down on the bed, pulling on the necklace— which he gave you—on your throat from behind and practically choking you, as the necklace leaves behind marks on top of the marks he previously left behind with his lips and teeth. As he thrusts himself inside you, mercilessly, not even letting you turn back around, putting all his body weight on yours— very literally smothering as always. One hand keeping a firm grasp on your throat while the other comes down to place slaps on your thighs and ass, from time to time. You would barely phrase something between loud moans and whines, “F- fuck you.” 

“You are. As always” all he would reply with with a singular impactful thrust. 

Next morning he would wake up to  empty, cold, and wet sheets. A singular half burnt cigarette would be lying on his bedside table, from the stash of cigarettes in his dresser, despite the fact he does not smoke. And a bottle of whisky would be gone from his collection, even though he does not enjoy whisky. All that would be left of your immediate presence, are the shredded to nothing flimsy pair of painties, which you wore last night. Not like you ever went out of his apartment with the same panties you entered through his doors with. 

Concurrently you would be drowning in alcohol, shooting glasses of shots after another to cure the hangover from the day before. You were not one to drink, but you were also not one to be irrational. Yet here you are, hungover and functioning on autopilot. If anyone asked what is wrong, you would not have an answer. Though you do know what this is, the need to never get over this hangover, instead perpetuating and fostering it. Because you know better than anyone that no alcohol will relieve the itch in your throat the way the whisky in Satoru’s cabinet burns down your chest, and alleviates you. You can buy similar whisky, the same brand even, or maybe even a wine or rum— but it won’t taste the same, it won’t get you drunk the same. 

‘I swore l'd never do it again.’

And after a month, Satoru would wake up to a singular missed call from you. 

‘you know I'm gonna do it again.’

a/n: dividers by @/dollywons & @/aquazero, header from the mv for the said song. essentially saw @jumpinglillies talking about wanting to read a Satoru fic based on this song, thanks to them for bringing the song to my attention i hope this lives up to your expectations <3

TO FIND MORE OF MY WORKS CLICK HERE.

tag list: @madamechrissy @cuntphoric @moonlitwitchdaisy @rriwyu @gojocon @aishi-toru @cuntyji @arcanarix @lover-lyn @kazupop

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary471

1/9-10/24

thursday - friday

okay...

i have been up for over 24 hours just to make sure my sleep goes back to normal because i was out so late with my friends. which is good and stuff but i also hate how it messes with my sleep, and this means tomorrow when my gf goes to the dentist tomorrow, i will go with her mom to the grocery store to get things we need. this is good. i didn't read at all today i was kind of like, lost basically, i cleaned up and things as usual, i didn't draw, but out of nowhere i did a lot with music, i made 2 new guitar sounds i really like... that makes me super happy, i fixed one too, and now things don't feel so stressful with music. it turns out that the bass cab simulators in the th-u overloud thing, 2 of them have an option to bring in a lot of high end/tweeter range, which is crazy, i was looking for something that did that specifically!! now i have the high end i always look for in a more natural way!!!! this is such a relief with the stuff i want to do, it makes my life so much easier...

oh, here's me from yesterday:

i know this is a bunch of #spam but i don't know when i'm going to be dressed up again. maybe tomorrow apparently we're going to hotpot but idk... i don't need to. i should dress casually for that, especially since there will be grocery shopping.

re: the music today there's like 4 new songs / ideas. 1 is basically fully fleshed out, drums and everything, it has 2 basses going at the same time, i was listening to black eyes, and i wanted to try and get something like the bass sound they get.

i've talked about it before, but i love this song so much, and basically nothing else on the record gets close... frustrating!! it's a constant inspiration though, that frustration. it's insane how perfect this song is.

today was big for music, i listened to a couple albums i really loved, i listened to the new holy grinder, which was great fucked up noisecore grind stuff:

and then there was a record by this band infant, the record's called giant leg, that one felt revelatory, super creative with how they do the guitars and synths and everything... it's so colorful and freakish, rainbow-puke type stuff:

i like the three vocalists across this record. this is goofy of me, but when bands from the uk do this type of stuff, i'm apprehensive, i think mostly because all the whitebelt/faggy stuff i know / its history tends to be in america, i guess i'm like, it won't be as good, idk. there's some stuff, like this band punish the atom, they sort of veer that direction but don't go all the way. these 3 go insane on it, though. take this song for instance too:

the guy here sounds demented!! i also really love the freaky ring mod bitcrushed guitar, and how all these songs have synth bass instead of bass guitar, the key parts are so cool, make me think of some bands like post office gals and stuff, even the locust a bit in places, especially when they're doing freaky stuff to the filters and seeming to get things to self oscillate in wonky ways. interesting how unknown this record seems to be, it's like crack for people like me, and there's at least... 10 of us... the bits where they use drum machine kicks too, it's so crazy, what's the best way to describe the effect, a website where all the unicode's spitting out nonsense text, an improperly installed language pack, bit-rotted images, a heart attack at the carnival, bleeding on a cactus, the red and green together and the orange sands, a kind of hideous smear of color, the pink skin, the sky a massive canopy for a constant circus. laughter an emanation of the impossibility of thinking the present, stuff kind of jumping forth from the past, to the future, so overwhelming it expresses how the immediate has always passed away before it could be captured, everything swimming away or towards you. shimmering under the flash of a camera and iridescence in unlikely places.

helpful to say things like that, when trying to reflect on the little blanchot introduction i'd been reading yesterday... though failed to read today because i am stupid!!!

but other stuff in music today, i was looking at this band i like on discogs, dmonstrations, to see if there's anything else by them i missed out on, and i got to looking at the guitarist/vocalist of the band's page since he also did all the cover art, and i think the cover art and layout stuff is super special for that band:

so i find out he's from japan, has since moved back, started another band, dmonstrations were originally based in san diego, which is a classique white belt spawning zone, and the other band, 2up, is really good too, his guitar playing is really cool to me, he moves between really interesting phrases, stuff that's straightforwardly punk-y, and then more no-wave-y dissonant freakout stuff, always figuring out how to turn these things into riffs, the communicative/grammatical process in the way he plays/writes songs, idk, it's very fascinating.

there's gestures here that feel really hardcore-y, in how he plays, like at around 20 seconds here, but then the slide stuff he does, weird chords, and then the tone of the guitar, so shambolic and freaky, you're able to hear the strings and the texture of the strings really well i think. i also really like that it's a duo with just guitar and drums, recalls pink and brown to me, another band like this, where the guitar was free to play around with all kinds of movements, a kind of semantic rot.

oh, here's a video of dmonstrations i found, to show my friend, i like that the bassist is wearing what looks like a head wound city shirt, and an aside, but what was the deal with fox rox, whose idea was that, what a stupid and strange thing, was that broadcasted to the people who watch fox news or was it a local deal??? how bizarre, i remember seeing a video of the locust on there and then this really awkward interview they did where the guy asks them about punk rock elvis or something and them i think puking on him? or pissing? something like that, anyhow:

anyhow this brings me back to the main guy here, tetsunori tawaraya, on his site, i found a bunch of posters he made for shows, which is crazy how good he's been at archiving all that, here's some i really liked, super duper interesting kind of art, it sort of links up with how i was describing that album giant leg, as well, a kind of artistic expression of that meeting of the limit, occupying the gulf where there is only intensity and excess of shadow, where sensations of what has passed/ what you know not now but have the feeling you will have known (returning to a quote of blanchot (something about knowing's impossibility, the feeling that you will have known, because of the eternal return, the appearance of difference, a difference one can sense, the difficulty of articulation, i think it gets at, and then there it gets at the necessity of writing and its difference/insubordination to speech)), anyway, these kinds of violent visions that, or the way they feel, their kind of silly nature speaking more to me the carnival of kristeva over anything purely cartoonish:

here is his site with a lot of other stuff to look at as well:

he has a lot of his art up, it's really really lovely to see, he seems like a really fascinating guy, i also love how 2up seems to have kept going for a long time in a rather stable way, though i haven't seen anything of them since 2022, which is sad. but maybe long term projects like that are, rather than things that end, something that are so routine you end up feeling like you can take a break from them? and at that level of familiarity, it makes sense, to take breaks.

and here's something else i listened to today:

some fun screamy nintendocore. i really like how the snare sounds here, sometimes snares + kicks sound not so good in nintendocore but this guy really gets those sounds right, plus he has a fun scream, a little more in the mark mccoy vein.

i think maybe there were other things i wanted to say but i'm too tired, it's 11:30, this is a long time to have been awake. i hardly feel bad though, maybe it'll hit me tomorrow. maybe i wanted to talk about some dolls i saw on flickr the other day... i'll post them tomorrow... maybe i'll do some posts on the tl for them too... idk. i should also read and stuff after hotpot. it'll be my first time with hot pot, i'm excited. i mostly want vegetables... and spicy.

now i really am sleepy, if i stayed up 30 more minutes this entry would touch 3 days of my life... wouldn't that be disturbing.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ivarismaybecrazy]

Bllk OC storyline: How to Play Football with Monsters

Part TWO! It's also posted on AO3 if ya wanna check it out.

“If you want to survive, prove yourself with numbers.”

Ezena sits quietly, tuning out everyone else's post-game chatter whilst they turn over Noa’s words in their head. Bastard Munchen had just beaten FC Barcha, not that Ezena got a single second of playtime. So instead of talking with others, they think about what their next move is. On a team where there is already a well established dynamic, how are they supposed to force their way in? How, when even among egoists of their level, they can barely prove themselves?

“Are you trying to pick a fight with me right now!?” Isagi’s shout draws them out of their thoughts. Ezena blinks in surprise, noting the raised tensions between Yukimiya and Isagi. Both are stat ing their own ideals and goals while looking down on the others. The blasian nods at Hiori while he pushes the two apart, thankful for their teammate’s level headedness.

And as if the competitiveness wasn’t already high enough, the 300 million bid walks in, knocking despite already having entered the room.

“You’re jealous of Yoichi’s circumstances, aren’t you, Kenyuu?” Kaiser smirk is small for once as he pushes back his hair. Ezena frowns as they collect another tidbit of information on him : he can and will call everyone by their first name. Part of their brain takes this and begins analyzing all the ways to rebuttal the intimidation tactic.

Kaiser briefly talks on how people struggle to acknowledge their own weakness and instead blame those stronger than them. It’s all stuff Ezena’s heard before from their dad and they choose to listen simply for the sake of hearing it from another (not less annoying) person's mouth. “If you hate Yoichi that much, then come join me, Kenyuu.”

“Thanks for the homily, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be coming with you, Kaiser.” Yukimiya’s answer is cold, matching the dead look in his eyes. Kaiser shrugs, moving to turn away. Before he can, Ezena speaks up.

“But the offer to join is extended to everyone here, yes?” All the Blue Lock ians turn to them in surprise. Ezena stares down Kaiser , finding it easier to focus on the many details of his appearance instead of the judgemental glares the rest of the team is no doubtedly giving them. The blonde peers over his shoulder at the blasian , recognition flashing briefly on his face.

“If you’re strong enough, yes. Though I’m not sure how a B-tier defense specialist is going to be of much use to me.” Kaiser grins again but the blaisan stands strong, already used to his jabs.

“I’ll admit that I didn’t show off as much as I could in the U-20 or this past match. I’m not assertive in that way. But…” Their eyes blaze with confidence and Ezena stares Kaiser fully in the eye. “You’ll much prefer having me as an ally than an enemy.”

Kaiser shrugs at the statement, seemingly bored. “Hmm.. A valiant attempt. But you’ll have to try harder to gain my interest.” His grin widens again as he stares past them, right at Isagi.

“However, Ezena, right? I’ll be willing to see things out. Prove you’ll be of service to me in these next 10 days. Your final assessment will be during the Manshine game. As for the rest of you..” Kaiser finally steps back, turning fully towards the exit. “Yoichi… or me? Make a wise choice for your own good. You don’t want to choose the wrong king to serve, shitty commoners.”

With that, he exits. Ezena can at least appreciate his commitment to his role, truly acting like an Emperor on and off the field. Unfortunately, it makes the German a very annoying and very rude person, meaning Ezena doesn’t like him one bit.

“So full of himself…” Hiori voices their thoughts exactly, turning to the remaining team members to discuss their options. Ezena lets them discuss, their mind more or less made up. Once again, someone brings their innermost thoughts to light.

“You’re going to support Kaiser.” Isagi says this with no room for objection, the idea already made a fact in his mind. Ezena nods. “Yep. There’s always the chance that I’ll swap loyalties, but for now, Kaiser is the most solid option for me to build my own growth off of.”

“Supporting someone else.. Doesn’t that eliminate your own ego?” Yukimiya ’s eyes are sharp as he glares across the room, his distaste for their choice clear. “What the hell are you even doing here, you fake egoist?”

“Fake egoist..?” Ezena stands up angily, somehow more offended by that than anything else said to them . “I’m making the most logical choice for my survival. Call it fake all you want, but don’t mistake my true intentions. The moment there's an opportunity, I’m taking it.”

The others murmur in surprise, unused to the sudden fire the blasian is showing. Raichi is the first to speak up. “Sheesh. Can’t blame you though. It is Blue Lock, after all.”

They nod at the blonde. “Exactly. Like Kaiser said, I’m choosing the option best for my survival. You all can choose different options, just be sure it’s one you’ll grow through. Good luck.” Ezena ends the conversation there, already having said too much for their taste. They leave, glad that no other words are said to stop them.

+++

10 days pass quickly once more, even with the small development of Ezena sneakily watching Ness and Kaiser practice. They're pretty sure both of the two know what the blasian is doing but leave it alone. It’s something they appreciate. The training is difficult as ever but at the least, Ezena can feel themselves growing stronger. They see it in every mock match they play, where their passes are more accurate, where their steals are more efficient.

They know they’ve truly impressed Kaiser and won a spot when they manage to steal a pass from Ness and score with it. It’s a circumstance of luck, one that will be incredibly difficult to recreate, but it’s anything from a fluke. As the referee marks the point change, Kaiser fully looks at them, acknowledging their presence. “I suppose you’ve earned a supporting role… You shall be a soldier, fighting for my army.”

“Thanks. I’ll fight hard.” Kaiser nods, Ness nods, and the moment is over. Ezena exhales slowly, feeling the weight of likely having a regular spot. More than that, they feel the weight of a true king pressing down on them, his perfectionism never leaving room for any kind of mistake.

During cool-down, Ezena sits silently and processes the load. They remind themselves of their goal to be the number 1 striker, even if other pathways have opened. No matter what happens or who stands in their way, they must keep chasing their goal. (Even when that goal is just as fake as the rest of their personality as a football player.)

Ezena continues their cooldown.