#fit this fic as well as it does the animatic
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A small handful of songs I associate with A Glint, a Spark. (Spoilers for both that fic and Memory, Heavy in My Heart.)
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Arms Outstretched - Griffin McElroy
As I alluded to in the MHIMH playlist, Arms Outstretched was the song I had all but set AGAS to, for the animatic in my head. The progression of it from being kind of downtrodden, to this moment of hope, and then a happy epilogue was pretty perfect, both for the idea I actually went with, and the one I may still write.
Chapters 1 & 2
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Place to Start - Mike Shinoda
Do I even have a decision? Feeling like I'm living in a story already written. Am I part of a vision made by somebody else? / Am I out of conviction with no wind in the sail, too focused on the end and simply ready to fail?
Cause I'm tired of feeling like I can't control this; tired of feeling like every next step's hopeless. Tired of feeling like what I build might break apart, I don't want to know the end, all I want is a place to start.
I don't have a ton to elaborate on with the lyrics. The first part just meshes really nicely with the theme of being unable to influence events that have already happened, and having to take them as they come. The second part resonates particularly well with the first chapter, in my opinion. I also like having a song from the same artist in both halves of the main story, and the contrasting tones.
Chapters 3-9:
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The Heart of a Graveyard - Demon Hunter
Tell me that your final home is not a shot in the dark; tell me that your hopes and dreams don't end in the heart of a graveyard.
Tonally, it doesn't fit perfectly with the rest of this list, but the subject matter is pretty on the mark. There's a sense of preparing for the worst while still hoping for the best that I like, particularly in this context.
Chapter 10:
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Final Battle: Malladus (From "The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks") - The Noble Demon
(The portion up to 0:46 is an intro, and not the most relevant to this list; the actual battle theme starts warming up after that.) A friend unintentionally reminded me that I love this track, and since that conversation happened smack at the climax of MHIMH, I naturally connected the dots. This would correspond to the recorded battle with Arceus, because the track for it in canon PLA just does not fit this version. I chose this remix in particular because it really emphasized the woodwind notes in parts-- which made sense re: the Azure Flute-- and because it has that underlying, train-chugging percussion. It's always struck me as a very triumphant battle theme, which fit beautifully.
Chapter 11:
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Welcome to the World of Pokemon - Super Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
It's wondrous and mysterious, but gentle and a bit low-key at the same time, which I think makes it work very well for the build up this chapter, and most of the time spent in the Hall of Origin.
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Mysterious Rainbow Girl - Wandersong
The same goes for this track; I was pretty torn as to which one I liked better, so I ended up keeping both for a little bit of variation.
Chapter 12:
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On the Beach at Dusk - Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time, Darkness & Sky
I had this one set aside specifically for the scene at the top of Dragonspiral Tower, where the reality of the situation is beginning to sink in. If you're familiar with Explorers, there... might be something of a parallel to be read into the situations they 'play' over.
Misc:
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The yet untitled song from The Dreadful Demise of the Dinosaurs - Puppet History
A lonely life among the stars, my destination veiled and far away, but I knew one day we'd find each other. Then in the dark, a glint, a spark, the greens and blues, be still my heart-- and once I hit, that's it, I'm here forever.
While I'm here, I should probably include the fic's namesake. It's really only the one verse (~0:25-0:47), because this song has a very specific subject matter and thesis, but that one passage really stuck with me in this context. The first half definitely resonates most strongly with chapter 11, but I was also aiming to match the second to 12-- specifically "the greens and blues, be still my heart" to the scene on Dragonspiral, and to end with the promise of "I'm here forever"
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My Dip Playlist & Meanings Behind Each Song! -Pt1
Problems (Mother Mother) - This was the very first song I associated with Dip over a year ago now! The angel & demon aesthetic of the song fits that of Pip & Damien, as well as the seemingly prohibited relationship between an angel & a demon. Aesthetics all around with this one!
So Am I (Ava Max) - I like to imagine that Pip is the one singing this to Damien, coming from a place of empathy, yet Pip has come to terms with where he stands among his peers, while Damien is still trying to gain the acceptance from the others. Pip wants him to know that being a "misfit" is okay, & that he understands what Damien is going through.
Happy Face (Jagwar Twin) - I associate this one more with Pip, but I think it still fits for them both, creating an angsty scenario. This is Pip telling himself that no matter what he's going through, he just needs to grin & bear it, even if he doesn't want to. This is how things have always been for him, so he will continue to smile. (Maybe Damien will teach him that "it's okay to be angry sometimes").
Fairytale (Daryl Silvius) - This one I've actually created an animatic for in my head to This Lovely Fic! Damien is the one singing, his fairytale being Pip, & how he is happiest when he's with him rather than in his arranged marriage with Gregory.
(You're The) Devil in Disguise (Elvis) - Just another angel & demon aesthetic, not much more to say about this one.
INFERNO (Sub Urban, Bella Poarch) - Angel & demon, once again.
Looking at Me (Sabrina Carpenter) - Still angel & demon aesthetic, but there's also undertones of Pip being nervous about being in Hell when he dies, scared & intimidated by all the other demons living there. Damien does his best to calm him down (their relationship isn't that developed yet, so he's unsure exactly what to do), so he just tries to keep Pip's attention on him.
Memories (Maroon 5) - AN AMAZING ANIMATION/ANIMATIC WAS MADE WITH THIS SONG GO WATCH IT IT'S LOVELY!!!
The Devil Went Down to Georgia (The Charlie Daniels Band) - Angel & demon AGAIN, but with a twist. I like to imagine that they're playing pretend & the scene suddenly shifts to a realistic scene of an old southern-styled bar where the two face off against each other in an epic fiddle duel! At the end of the song, the scene shifts back to them in Damien's bedroom, toys & costumes strewn across the floor while the two laugh, having enjoyed their imagination world.
Love Is a Song (Donald Novis, Disney Studio Chorus) - I actually wrote my fic while listening to this track on loop, so I now associate this song with this fic whenever I'm watching Bambi or whenever I hear it. I think I was getting back into the old film again, & was listening to the soundtrack for a few days, & this song stood out to me. I'M ALSO A HUGE SUCKER FOR OLD MUSIC!!! (I also think this songs fits the atmosphere & mood of this fic as well, especially the end!)
Devil Town (Cavetown) - Pip's afraid while falling down into hell & arriving, but knowing that Damien's with him every step of the way brings him some relief. He's still nervous, but knowing that the black-clad boy will be with him, he can relax, if only a little.
#more will be added soon! tumblr just hates long text posts I guess#also the red song titles have youtube links!#NOT FOR THE SP OLYMPICS this is just something I've wanted to do for a while#here ya go I guess!#pip pirrup#damien thorn#sp dip#pip x damien#south park
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Fic concept: 41
Art: 87
Either: 10
Misc: 5
I hope I did that right. XD đ
Thank you so much for the ask, Belle! â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸ I have no idea how you found that post, but yay! More questions!!!! (From my ideas ask game)
Fic Concept 41:
"Simon as a monk or whatever the catholic equivalent is for men"
Simon is just so religion-coded! I feel like we don't see enough rep for Catholic guilt or religious devotion Simon, and I want more of it. This one is open to steal if y'all want, since I know literally nothing about religion lol. (Also Mary and I might be touching on this in that Sound of Music AU we haven't messed with in... months đ
)
Art Concept 87:
"Home (Edward sharp) - while in America"
One of my animatic ideas! This song is one of the ones on my snowbaz playlist and I feel like it fits so well with Wayward Son. Baz trying to communicate with Simon that Simon is his home and that "there ain't nothing that I need" besides him. Different scenes from Wayward Son playing out as the song goes on. Then the speaking part is where Baz tells Simon the story of the moment he fell in love with him đĽ°
Feel free to steal this one if you want! It's a cool idea, but I don't think I'll ever actually do it lol
Either 10:
"Sherlock AU: Sherlock - Baz, Watson - Simon"
I really feel like this fits their dynamic. Baz as the jaded, emotionally repressed genius struggling with addiction who won't let anyone get close enough to touch. Simon as the golden retriever character who allows his empathy to shine through. He seems like he's dumb at first, but he's smart in his own ways and Baz is forced to see it. Simon slowly bringing Baz out of his shell by putting up with his BS đ
I was a big superwholock girlie in middle school, so Johnlock still has a special place in my heart :) The dynamic does fit super well though, and I'd love to see it as art, a comic, or a fic! Feel free to steal this if it speaks to you :)
Misc 5:
"Mashup song from Simonâs playlist with one from Bazâs playlist for max emotional fuckery"
This idea came from one of our emergency dance parties in the Discord :) Mary showed us a mashup one of her old classmates made (brilliant, showstopping), then Emma suggested we do a fandom song-mashup event, and I was like "OH SHIT!"
Can you imagine though??? Pull the most angsty songs from Rainbow's Simon and Baz playlists and have the song switch between the two. We hear Simon's self-doubt and trauma and then cut to Baz's longing đ
Like, Helplessness Blues and August? Going Invisible 2 and Earlier Days? Or even better, take one of the songs that show up in both playlists with different singers (A Case of You and Riches and Wonders) and have it switch between the two voices at the parts which are most emotionally impactful for each person (or have both play at the same time!)
This one I'm almost certainly going to do at some point, but I also would not mind seeing other people do them đ
#m answers#long post#the simon snow series#i typed the second half twice#because for some reason deleting one of the emojis decided to delete EVERYTHING#and CTRL-Y and CTRL-Z weren't working :sad-cowboy:#piper also stepped on my laptop while writing this lol
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Iâm back ;) Iâm the anon who loved your x-men apocalypse animation especially. Really enjoyed your latest one as well! Gorgeous animation - loved the Jean Grey/Phoenix animation! The tiktok of Erik imagining/sitting down and taking to Peter is also a fave of mine - it did make me sad about the lack of Evan Peters - Michael Fassbender/ Magneto - Quicksilver scenes in the movies. Their dynamic could have been so great!
Yes, Dark Phoenix was a real mess. I do still absolutely adore the space scene though - it looks amazing and seeing the x-mensâ powers work together is just everything. Wish there was a lot more of that across basically all the film tbh. Loved seeing Quicksilverâs abilities in zero g! But despite how much I love that scene I canât say that the movie is good. Honestly the frequent and unnecessarily large time skips generally bothers me - they robbed us of seeing the characters develop. I also canât believe that Peter wouldnât tell Erik for almost 10 years after the apocalypse incident.
I did try to brain storm a few ways of Erik finding out about Peter that could potentially be dramatically/visually interesting? One of my ideas was that for some reason, maybe due to Erik seeing red due to grief of losing Raven, Erik is wreaking absolute havoc and is trying to kill Jean. But the x-men have some sort of plan or just needs to freeze Erik so they can then stop Jean without killing her. And the scene would be Peter using his speed to try to get the helmet off Erik so that Charles could communicate with/or freeze Erik. And then because of Erikâs vast power he would be able to stop Peter in his tracks (similar to Jean in the film) and there would be a scene (similar to your animation) of him âgrabbingâ Peter in the air - throwing him up against the wall of the train(possibly?) to stop him, angry and pissed off and there would be this moment of Peter bracing himself genuinely worried heâs about to be killed - and Charles or someone else would panicked about what Erik might be about to do as he is blinded by anger - yell out the fact that Peter is his son. Perhaps for a second Erik would see Nina in place of Peter for a brief second as he recognises the familiar resemblance (as he is staring at another child of his in danger). And then of course he wouldnât hurt him but instead freeze due to shock. What do you think? Too much? A scenario like this would kinda only work if the time skip is much shorter - maybe just a year. I quite like fics that address the fact that Peter is probably on some level afraid of Erik when he goes full Magneto. I like the scene when Peter claims to not fear him to his mother (which imho reveals that he in fact actually does). I think it adds an interesting layer to Peterâs feelings about telling him. I donât think Erik would kill him - even if no one revealed their familial relationship - but that uncertainty in such a scene could kinda be dramatically interesting I think? I dunno, sorry if Iâm rambling - I just quite like discussing alternative scenarios with other fans :) and wanted to hear your thoughts.
Ahh welcome back Anon!! Always a pleasure to talk X-Men with you! đ
And aww thank you! I loved working on the Oleander animatic! The Phoenix was especially fun to animate, and of course the hug made all the hard work worth it haha. And awww yes! I love that edit too, it uses an audio from Gotham Knights where Batman is talking about Nightwing and how proud he is of him. As soon as I heard it I knew it would fit really well with a good timeline Dadneto, and I was definitely inspired by my fic The Hardest Part Is Leaving You which I had finished not long before making that edit!
Oh yeah, the effects in Dark Phoenix are actually pretty solid (at least most of the effects surrounding Jean and the Phoenix at least). Would have loved to see more of the X-Men as an actual team as well, but alas, the writers have robbed us of that yet again đ Guess that's what we're here for lol.
And OOOH Anon I love that idea! Definitely not too much, I think that's a great mix of angsty and intense but also heartfelt! And yes, a shorter timeskip between Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix is always appreciated haha. That's such a fair point about Peter being afraid of Erik when he's in 'Magneto' mode too. Usually I write them post reveal so I mostly play around with the concept of what their relationship is like after many years of bonding and trust has been built, which means Peter is rarely if ever scared for himself, but more likely scared of what Erik could do to others in the case Peter ever got hurt. Younger Peter would definitely struggle with that though I bet!
Thanks for sharing your ideas with me Anon, I love hearing them! If you ever turn them into a fic let me know, I'd love to read it! :D Have an awesome day!
-Superherotiger
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Not The Boy He Once Knew
Summary: Even if heâs not the best at always showing it, Phil cares about his sons. But when one leaves home and goes down a dark path, all Phil wants is for his little soldier boy to come home safely.
Warnings: Death, stabbing
This is based on Obscuriteaâs Little Soldier Boy animatic. You can find them on Twitter at @/0bscuritea.
Phil remembered holding his children for the first time. He could have watched Techno's little snout twitch for as long as his eldest would allow him. Wilbur stared at everything, as if it was mandatory for him to visually absorb as much of the world around him as possible. This included the young pig boy hovering by door, unsure whether he wanted to meet the one who was had made him a big brother. Tommy was a wriggler, that was for sure, always trying to get into a better position within the blanket. Wilbur certainly didn't help things when he clambered onto the sofa in order to push himself through the space under Phil's free arm so he could get a better view of the baby.
Many summer afternoons were spent sitting in the shade of trees, watching his sons play with each other. Sometimes, he'd even be out there strumming on his guitar while doing so. The older Wilbur and Techno got, the more they liked to engage in rough play. More than once, Tommy would be happily sitting on his lap before finding himself caught up in the latest rough and tumble session.
One day while his two eldest are 12 and 9 respectively, Phil is horrified to see them return home from a night time adventure in the nearby woods with blood on their person. It would seem that they'd run into a number of zombies and skeletons. Wilbur had tripped and this had caused Techno to make use of his axe. Most of the blood wasn't even theirs so they argued it wasn't a big deal. As Phil retrieves the bread he has on hand for situations like these, he scolds his boys for being reckless. There wouldn't have even been any mobs about if they'd gone out in the day. Just because death was a three strikes and you're out kind of deal didn't mean they could risk injury or worse for the sake of fun. Now, were there any cuts or scrapes they wanted him to look at? Just the one on Techno's snout? Well alright, best get that sorted then off to bed.
During a week where his attention had been directed perhaps everywhere except towards Wilbur, he notices the light is still on in his room. Good. With a knock, he gets invited in. An apology is issued, after which Phil pulls out some wheat and cocoa beans he had lying around. The boy in his early teens acts as if his eyes don't momentarily light up once it clicks what those ingredients are for. When he makes excuses about being too old to be bribed with cookies as well as pointing out that it was getting late, Phil calls his bluff. Come on, let this be his way of saying sorry tonight then he promises tomorrow morning they can have a guitar session, just the two of them. Wilbur rolls his eyes but heads to the kitchen regardless. Phil's glad he does because that is the first time Wilbur plays an original song he was in the process of creating with him as the audience. It was only a shame that incidences like these were becoming few and far between. He wasn't going to catch every time Wilbur felt ignored, especially if the kid slowly stop attempting to get his attention as often in the first place.
It's an odd feeling when Wilbur says his goodbyes. The years have passed so quickly it's hard to believe his little boy isn't quite so little anymore. However, his second son had been a budding musician for as long as he'd had the dexterity for it. It would be impossible to forget how he had beamed with such intensity upon being gifted his first guitar, so much so that Phil had slightly worried he might injure his mouth or jaw somehow. He'll be fine. Phil had nothing to worry about. Besides, Tommy had already made the journey himself a few weeks ago and it sounded like he was already making friends.
Life carries on with Techno helping out with the farming and the occasional correspondence arriving from the other two. When he hears about drugs in a van, he rolls his eyes. Trust them to do something ridiculous like that. It's less humourous when the word 'war' begins to get thrown around. Then shortly afterwards, Techno is leaving to assist his brothers in their endeavours. This results in an argument as Techno packs. By all means, help Wilbur and Tommy but don't get involved in a war that wasn't his to fight. Phil's anxiety regarding his sons' wellbeing grows due to talk of plans to win back L'Manburg after a failed election resulted in an apparent dictatorship. The more days that passed, the stronger his desire to have all his boys back home safely with him grew.
He sits alone at a table that had once been abundant with life. Once again, Tommy has sent him a letter regarding the situation over there. He was getting scared of his brother's apparent obsession with potentially destroying the nation in a blast. Wilbur had even been heard wondering if Phil would be proud of him. Given the current circumstances, he wasn't so sure how to answer. Tommy had even confessed that both he and Wilbur were on their last lives which petrified Phil more than any of the bad news he'd gotten so far. However, his son was right. Enough was enough.
It was time for Phil to make his way to L'Manburg.
He almost finds it funny how Wilbur's voice immediately morphs into the defensiveness of a child as soon as he realises his father has entered his secret detonation room. It was honestly reminiscent of times such as when he got caught stalking a chicken to gain the egg necessary for a pumpkin pie, said pumpkin being dragged behind him by the stalk. However, his son wasn't 4 anymore. Wilbur was a grown man who had proven himself to maintain less than innocent thoughts and motivations.
But Phil was his father nevertheless. And he would talk him out of this 'blow up L'Manburg' plan like others such as Tommy had previously done. Besides, he knew Wilbur. Deep down, that boy didn't have it in him to cause that much destruction, let alone risk instigating any potential loss of life. All he had to do was calmly talk him down.
L'Manburg had been won back. Even with Wilbur yelling in frustration about the several times he came close to pressing the button, that could be seen as a sign of strength. They could agree to not do anything rash then gradually dismantle the vast quantity of TNT hidden in the walls. The notion that Wilbur would risk triggering the button to see if it was actually rigged is so absurd it makes Phil laugh aloud.
He's certainly not in the mood to laugh within a minute of that moment. By the time thirty or so seconds have elapsed, he is on top of his son, both of them on the ground with only dust and rubble left of what had been the secret underground room. Wilbur had been talking about Eret one second before uttering the infamous line of "it was never meant to be" the next. Phil doesn't think it had truly registered in his mind that the explosives were about to go off when he leapt to protect his son from them.
This couldn't be happening. He knew Wilbur, he knew that he would never be capable of blowing up L'Manburg. Except Wilbur was. He... he had.
It's as Wilbur is screaming into the sky about his unfinished symphony remaining forever unfinished that the reality of his personal mistake makes itself known to Phil. Tommy had warned him that Wilbur was going off the rails. He'd said that Phil shouldn't let his guard be lowered around his brother. The second born of their family was currently not to underestimated.
That grin, that sheer ecstasy upon achieving his goal, the way Wilbur revelled in his 'victory'. Well, what more proof did Phil need to know he'd done the exact things he'd been warned against?
He barely has the chance to acknowledge that before Wilbur is demanding the unimaginable from him. No, perhaps 'demand' isn't the right word. Begging might be more appropriate. A sword is tossed at his feet, an invitation for it to be used. He can't though. Not this. Anything but this. The punishment for reversing countless hours of dedicated hard work should not be a death sentence. That simply does not equate.
"God, you're- You're my son! No matter what you do, no matter what you act like, I can't..."
And it's true. This was the kid who would (along with Tommy most of the time) go on epic adventures to claim treats in chests which were placed high up for the exact purpose of deterring such behaviour. He was the one who'd be found sneaking off to the surrounding caves and mines for the sake of exploration. It was him who practised his rallying speech skills on his brothers and father. More than that, Wilbur was a talented musician who liked writing songs and loved his family. He wasn't some irredeemable criminal who deserved to die to pay for the pain he'd caused.
Phil was not going to give Wilbur what he wanted. At least, he was against it until he realised this was about more than punishment or penitence. This was him asking someone he trusted to free him from the burden of all his wrongdoings. Wilbur wanted peace in his life again. And what kind of father would he be if he couldn't give his son that?
He grabs the sword. If he's going to do this, he'd rather make it as fast as possible. The last thing he wants is the suffering of a loved one. Wilbur tenses as the blade finds its way into his chest then exits. The gasps and stuttered breaths are worse than his son begging for death a minute ago. It's okay, he mutters. Just breathe through it. It'll be alright in a moment. Phil doesn't know whether him stroking Wilbur's hair is helping at all but somehow, it's helping Phil himself so that's good enough. The hand gripping his side begins to lose strength. He lets out a grief-stricken groan as he holds his son as tightly as he can.
"You couldn't just let- you couldn't just win?" There is no response, not even a hint of it.
The walls blown apart, he knows everyone can see him. But what does he care? Wilbur's head rests against his father's chest, arms loosely drooping towards the floor and body slumping alongside it. When he inevitably forces himself to let go, to leave the remains of this godforsaken room and... and bury his son's body back home, he's aware he'll have to face the fact his lap is stained with blood. But that can wait for as long as he can delay it.
For now though, he'll sit here with his eyes closed. Maybe that way he can somehow convince himself he's just holding the little boy who loved finding his way into his father's arms whenever he was drowsy, albeit an enlarged version. It's all he can do to keep the tears and questions of how this could have been prevented at bay.
#dream smp#philza#wilbur soot#technoblade#tommyinnit#obscuritea#my writing#I wrote like 90% of this the day after discovering/the animatic coming out#but due to irl stuff I forgot to finish it until Ghostbur started talking about being resurrected#titling stuff is dumb#I have just sat here for like 15 minutes trying to think of a decent title that wasn't the wip one of 'little soldier boy' since it doesn't#fit this fic as well as it does the animatic#but never mind#tw death#tw stabbing#sorry forgot to add these when I first posted this
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i used to have tegan and saraâs âiâm not your heroâ on one of my naruto playlists but now i can only ever associate it with murderbot
#the second i started trying to make a murderbot playlist#(which was admittedly around the middle of my first read through artificial condition)#i was like 'wow that song fits murderbot perfectly'#and then i found out there was a whole ass murderbot animatic someone made to that song#and i was like fuck yes. hell fucking yes.#it is so fulfilling and satisfying#to like. daydreaming about a fan thing you hope exists already.#and then it does.#it's just so perfect and wonderful#as much as i like making those kinds of things myself as a fan#i'm also someone who unfortunately has a habit of biting off way more than i can chew#and to know that for once i seem to have found one of the few fan communities#in which my desires to see a certain scenario played out as a well-written fanfic are shared by so many people#and they're not just niche oneshots or unfinished multi-chapter serials#i'm definitely not done with being the person who writes niche fan content. or consuming it.#but wow is it refreshing#to know that there are fellow murderbot fans who are like 'yes! i love that idea! here are no fewer than 4 fics based on that premise!'#like wow i really am nourished by these people
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Answer to the ask â2 for the wip challengeâ by @/hiromiikunn!
I made this just now just to answer xD;; Think of it as a proof of concept? This is kind of the vibe I want to go for whenever I make this animatic! Fair warning, it is 99% a GinSherry animatic and youâd really have to squint for the shinshi... it also does not end happily Iâm sorry :â) More under the cut!
To summarize, the animatic takes place towards the tail-end of DCMK where the final showdown against the BO is happening, and Shiho relives the memories she had while she was in it, both good and bad. Its sort of inspired by this one fic I read super long ago that delves into the past of Shiho and Gin, before shit hit the fan (the name escapes me). The song is Gentle Comet by YOASOBI (yes the beastars ending)! I think it fits both Shiho and Gin very well (depending on how you view their past together)
#will it ever happen? or will it live in my head forever#we will see#dc#ginsherry#itll be very shiho-centric
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For all of us thinking about canary Jimmy, and that one fic with him and Tango, might I reccomend the song "Canary in a Coal Mine", by The Crane Wives?
It's not a perfect fit, but the opening line, "you and I are friends of empty graves" does match pretty well
Definetly not just saying this cause I wanna see an animatic of this
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caveat: blaseball is amazing and both eras were enjoyable, broadly well written and thought provoking, and tgb are doing a great job
why does the discipline era hold up in hindsight better than the expansion era does? a not very coherent and occasionally self-contradictory exploration of the opinions of someone you have little reason to pay attention to
so i was on the wiki yesterday, as i often am, just clicking around player pages. for fic research purposes i wound up on kiki familias page and decided to refresh my hall stars lore knowledge because why not. one thing led to another led to the hall stars animatic led to me crying a little bit because this was 1am and also hall stars animatic.
and that got me thinking. see, i got into blaseball around season 8. i wasnât on the discord i didnât understand the wiki it was just me enjoying a very confusing website and occasionally pausing to try to figure out baseball because i had literally no exposure to baseball prior to blaseball and had no idea what a strike was.
and i actually missed the first day X because i was asleep and then realized id missed something big so stayed up for the second day X and watched it live and i didnât have the fan narratives or context for the players or who people thought they were but it impacted me enough that i would up getting into the fandom properly.
and that sets up expansion - im in the discord, im participating in lore, im very involved with my team of choice, im editing the wiki and staying up till 3am to watch the semi centennial and helping with events and overall im very tuned in to the plot for the entire thing.
and yet itâs discipline, experienced in a confused, distant haze where i didnât even know my chosen team had once been in moab, that sticks with me.
so - why?
theres doubtless an influence in the different ways i consumed them - discipline and the fan-driven plot was a lot of hindsight and âoh so thatâs why that happenedâ over the grand siesta and having the narrative events explained later in a way that made a confusing puzzle fit into place is a thing that my brain specifically enjoys.
but itâs not just that. discipline is the wonderful collision of a bug-riddled sim meeting fan desire for an emergent narrative: derrick krueger is from a timeline that never happened, the shelled one was because the site was bugged to heck, the wyatt masoning was an attempt to kill off the titular wyatt mason and instead gave them protagonist powers. jaylen comes back from the dead because fans realize itâs possible, the shelled one gets angry because fans decide to spite them time and time again - even the hall stars are champions of the fans chosen by the fans - they win because fans realize that jaylen needs to be there and manage to get someone who she can actually swap with in the right place.
with a few different choices, the story of discipline could have been so different.
and then we come to the expansion era and the sim is still, of course, buggy and prone to just going its own way but its not the discipline era sim. thereâs no peanut fraud, thereâs no wyatt masoning. the central (player) figures of the expansion era are arguably parker macmillan and (new) megan ito and the library reveal is wonderfully crafted and the emergent narrative told through mods and game logs is as shocking and terrifying as it was meant to be and it also all happened eras before fans had any say on the narrative.
we donât choose parker and megan. we donât get to watch them, to carve out their stories among ourselves. the universe arrives and the story of parker macmillan and new megan ito and everyone they burned is already written.
thereâs something about the fact that discipline is the story of players - of players we knew and loved and lost (and clung to) - standing up to the god who took the ones they love, and expansion is the story of the intern interim commissioner who knows the gods and influences the world and above all isnât ours standing up to the god who did a lot of terrible things but the reason why he stands up, at least at first, is because She did terrible things to him specifically (it was all fine until the Imposter).
and we march through expansion, and so much more than discipline it feels like weâre on a track and there is a god dictating the story that will be told.
it works, to a certain extent. the goal of expansion was to talk about innocuous systems and the ways they can pile up to create something truly sinister and the narrative is more planned and arguably more thematically strong than discipline.
but it winds up lacking the sense that anything could happen, that the players who we love have any agency, that the choices we make truly matter and it works for the story being told but itâs also less meaningful to experience as a fan.
there is one big counter example to this - the hellmouth sunbeams choose to charge the mound.
ive spent a while thinking about that, and why the final hours of the expansion era - where the game finally seemed to be literally our choice as to what happened - just didnât quite land.
the talkers reach the hall and are told to stay put. the beams reach the reader and are told to stay put but interpret it as attack the center and charge off to do that.
the coin gets scattered? for some reason? this is significant? then all the hall teams get the rogue modifier and are let out to charge the coin which incinerates Her but for some reason this is the only thing preventing black hole(black hole) from consuming all of reality. also lootcrates is there. also fans=players now maybe or at least the two are now being conflated in a way they never were in discipline.
possibly im being a touch unfair but if, instead, i think of the end of discipline it feels like a much more coherent narrative. the hall stars, brought back from the trench - the lurking presence of binkys boss, the fact that the mic literally told us they were making a deal to get rid of the shelled one, the incineration of sebastian telephone. its about the players not the fans - itâs about two teams who are both fighting for bad options because there are no good choices, and about souls singing because theyâre finally free.
like i said in the caveat, both eras were ultimately incredible to experience and again these are just the takes of someone you donât have to agree with, but i wanted to write down my thoughts and analysis of where i was coming from.
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Okay so I made some fictional content creators for âPsychonaut in Parisâ
Random question, would the show still be called âMiraculousâ in this hypothetical universe? I mean, probably yes, but it just makes you wonderâŚ
Anyways, time for the fictional fandom big-name content creator overview feel free to ask about any and all of these guys:
Brendan
Figment Projector/figmentprojector-mlb
YouTube/tumblr
Art/AUs/Animations
Best Known For: some awesome animatics and a really good AU where the heroes are in a band
Fandom Impact: the Band AU sparked multiple fics and fanworks and some of his animatics are considered must-watch for newcomers due to the quality
â
Alan
Amazon Letters
YouTube
Analysis
Best Known For: his sense of humor and how he explains in a way thatâs detailed yet easy to understand
Fandom Impact: heâs one of the most prolific channels in the fandom and heâs gotten many people into the show as well as gathering info on a lot of the most popular theories to explain them
â
Clara
TPTWriter/tpt-writer
AO3/tumblr
Writing/Art/Analysis
Best Known For: her series âFrom the Pages of True Psychic Talesâ where she takes whatâs known about the comics from the show and writes it into actual comics and stories
Fandom Impact: multiple fanworks based on her stories and comics have been made especially after âPsychonautâ aired and is one of the most well-known names in the fandom
â
Selene
razputin-anonymous
tumblr
Writing/AUs
Best Known For: her variety of Kwami Swap fics and her love of the character Raz
Fandom Impact: her Marinette/Adrien Kwami Swap stories in particular are well-known and loved by the fandom for its accuracy in characterization and its interesting take on switching the roles of the heroes
â
Emilio
miraculous-of-the-goat
tumblr
Memes
Best Known For: memes and his wacky edits
Fandom Impact: his memes are really well-known
â
Rick
Death2Gabe
YouTube
AMVs/Memes
Best Known For: his awesome video editing skills and his ability to find stuff that really fits the characters
Fandom Impact: there are a lot of reactions to his works
â
Tiara
Tiaraâs Tower/tiara-tower-rooftop
YouTube/tumblr
Memes/Art/Animations
Best Known For: her friendliness and open interaction with her fans and her unique cartoony style
Fandom Impact: whenever she does an art stream you can bet thereâll be something fun about to happen
â
Drake
DealWithTheBugs
AO3
Writing
Best Known For: his one-shots dealing with slice-of-life character interactions and different shippings
Fandom Impact: he introduced the world to a couple subtler pairings that others might not have noticed at first
â
Kathryn
kisforchat
tumblr
Analysis/Art
Best Known For: her character and episode analysis and her ability to notice things other people may have overlooked
Fandom Impact: Alan actually follows her blog and has given her shout-outs before
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i think Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon is a song that fits Heart rlly well, particualy their behaviour before Anne stands up to them. also more specifically the lyrics of the chorus work REALLY well (i also think it says something about them that up until this point i had been imagining an animatic about The Core to that song)
I FREAKIN LOVE CABINET MAN *SCREAMS*
Oh I absolutely associate the song with The Core, but yeah! It fits pretty well with Heart too. Iâm particularly fond of the way these lyrics work for them:
âThank God for business, they let me take the floor
I stood so proudly, like I was going to war
Players soon appeared and I quickly was revered
This must be what love would have felt likeâ
AND NOW YOU GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THEME SONGS FOR EACH OF THE GEMS SO I DID ANOTHER QUICK SWEEP THROUGH MY PLAYLISTS AND ASSIGNED THEM ALL THEMES
Heart is obviously still Bad Romance, I did find a couple other songs that fit them super well but none quite hit their motivations like Bad Romance does, which I think I explained enough in my other post.
So what about Wit?
This oneâs a paradox when put in the context of Witâs character and thatâs exactly why it fits so perfectly. I picked this song especially for these lyrics:
âSo busy showing me where I'm wrong
You forgot to switch your feelings on, oh oh oh oh
So so superior, are you not?
You'd love a little bit but you forgot
Goodbye Mr A
You promised you would love us
But you knew too much
Goodbye Mr A
You had all the answers
But no human touchâ
GOD. I love The Hoosiers <3
Alright moving onto Strength! This one was really really difficultâit was neck and neck with Iâm So Sorry by Imagine Dragons, but I went with
MOSTLY for these lyrics:
âI'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world
From turning into a monster and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?
Well now that youâre gone, the world is ours
I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me
But I'm not the villain, despite what you're always preaching
Call me a traitor, I'm just collecting your victims
They're getting stronger, I hear them callingâ
It was the âcall me a traitorâ that sold me because, without giving anything too major away, there IS already a line in fic 3 of Heart calling Strength a traitor and thatâs so funny to me
Sneak peek uwu bc i love u <3
Anyway bonus, you can have my notes on all the songs I was considering for each gem:
Some of these songs are meant to be imagined as the gem singing about themself, some are them singing about another gem, and some are them singing about a former vessel, but Iâm evil so Iâm not gonna tell you which ones are which.
The most hilarious thing to me was I didnât notice until after I added the third song that ALL of Heartâs songs begin with âBadâ and I decided immediately that it was gonna stay that way <3
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look me up and define me (please remind me) (part 1/2)
He is whatever puts Thomas first. But that changes so often that he doesnât know what he is beyond that.
He is Janus when he is alone, but only when he is not someone else.
Janus has never minded the fact that his identity is fluid, ever-changing. He acts as whoever Thomas needs him to be in the moment, and if that means he doesn't know much about himself as an individual, well. It's never been a problem for him.
Until he gives away his name, and then it very much is.
Chapter Warnings: identity issues, non-graphic panic attack, references to self-harm
Chapter Word Count: 4,493
Pairings: platonic TDLAMPR, implied Moceit (though you donât have to read into it)
Notes: This fic started as a oneshot but ended up being more than 10k, so Iâm dividing it into two parts, the second of which will hopefully be posted Friday. Also, this fic as a whole was inspired by the awesome âThe Record Player Songâ animatic by @turbovickii, which, 10/10 would recommend if you havenât seen it
Chapter one podfic by @titheinironside
(part 2)
(masterpost w/ ao3 links)
Janus isnât his name.
Or rather, it isnât, and it is. Heâs never had to think too hard about it before, has never had to struggle for the words to put it all into context. Janus is his name, yes, the name he chose for himself back when Thomas was young and they were all bright-eyed, foolish children, and his preferred moniker wasnât Deceit but rather something entirely different.
Janus. Roman god of beginnings and of ends, of transitions, of doorways, of passages that lead on and on. God of time, and god of duality. He thought it a fitting descriptor for himself; he is sweet lies, lies that soothe and lies that heal, and he is bitter truths, truths that no one wants to hear, that he must keep to himself lest they do more harm than any lie could. If that is not duality, he doesnât know what is.
But he is, at his core, whatever Thomas needs him to be. He is fluid in a way that the others are not, able to shift and change depending on the day, depending on what Thomas requires of him at any given moment. He is Thomasâ ability to lie, but only when it benefits him; when a truth would do the most good, he suggests that, instead. He wants Thomas to succeed, to do whatever it takes to better himself, to pursue his ambitions, but only until he pushes himself too far, works himself into exhaustion or questions himself too much. Then, he is the voice that tells him to relax, to take time for himself, to put his health above his goals.
He is whatever puts Thomas first. But that changes so often that he doesnât know what he is beyond that.
He plays the part of the others, too, whenever it is necessary. They are used to it by now, so used to it that by the time he reveals himself to Thomas, they react with anger rather than surprise or alarm. But what they do not know is that for every time they catch him out, there are five more times he goes undetected, slipping in amongst them, a snake in the grass. He mediates arguments as Morality when the real Patton is nowhere to be found, uses Logic to pull them down to earth when Logan is too buried in his books and theories to realize thereâs an emotional problem, uses Creativityâs bravado to advocate for Thomas�� dreams when Roman is busy dreaming himself.
He keeps the mindscape running smoothly. And when he is not one of them, when he wears his default skin, scales and all, he is known to them as Deceit. Nothing more, nothing less. A convenient villain, uniting them all in their distaste. It makes him sick, sometimes, their naivety, the knowledge that without him here, they would run Thomas into the ground all while professing their love for him. But he swallows it down, hides it within himself with all the other truths he hoards, and he carries on another day.
He is Janus when he is alone.
But even that is not true, not really. He is Janus in the snatched moments he has for himself, when there is no pressing crisis, nothing for Thomas to be doing or saying or making, when he can sit alone in his room with the jukebox crooning soft melodies. He is Janus, but only sometimes, because even alone, he draws on the traits of the others. Logan, when he needs a clearer perspective; Roman, when he needs an ego boost; Virgil, to indulge in his worries; Remus, to indulge in darker thoughts; Patton, when he is feeling weak and lonely and wanting, when he wraps his arms around himself and wants to pretend that he does not stand in solitude.
He is Janus when he is alone, but only when he is not someone else.
The Roman god Janus has two faces, one to look to the past and the other to the future. None to look to the present, and that is how he feels, most days, like there is none of him-as-Janus present at all, like every face that he wears is a false one, and his namesake has only two but he has far more than that.
Heâs not sure he even knows who Janus is, besides the name, what he likes and what he dislikes, how he feels and how he acts when there is no pressure on him to keep Thomas well. He likes chess and philosophy, but he only ever plays as Logan, only uses that knowledge when heâs wearing the necktie and glasses, because otherwise he canât get anyone else to listen. He dislikes surprises and stupidity and the ever-present knowledge that nothing in Thomasâ life is guaranteed, due to a society that actively works against most of its members, but are those his concerns or Virgilâs? He only indulges in stronger emotions when he takes Pattonâs form, so whoâs to say that the feelings are Janusâ at all?
And he almost never gets to act when there is no pressure on him to keep Thomas well. That pressure is always there, has always been there. Without it, who would he be?
In the end, Janus is just a name. Whether itâs his or not is difficult to say. And that has never been a problem for him; he exists to benefit Thomas, after all. He doesnât feel the need for a solid identity beyond that, not like the others do. He only picks a name in the first place because everyone else does, because Creativity-that-is-Remus needs someone he can look up to, because Anxiety-that-becomes-Virgil needs to know that not everyone is out to get him. Itâs a display of trust, in a way, but trust only leads to disaster, to angry two-toned words and pounding footsteps and a blank space in the wall where his best friend once lived, so really, what is the point?
Janus is his name. But heâs not particularly attached to it, and heâs content to leave it there.
But then, there is the callback, and the wedding. But then, he fights for Thomasâ desires harder than he has ever fought before, and when that turns sour, he returns to fight for Thomasâ failing mental health. He does so as Logan, and as Deceit when Loganâs form no longer suits the goal, and heâs not expecting them to listen but he still tries.
But then, everything changes.
But then, Thomas says, I donât know that we are, and he believes for a moment that he is imagining all of this, that he has slipped into Romanâs face and has allowed a daydream to get just a bit out of hand, because to hear those words out of Thomasâ mouth is something he has fantasized about for so long.
But then, he has a chance at acceptance, a chance to change it all so that he no longer has to struggle to make his voice heard, a chance that all depends on using the right words at this exact moment, and in the split second before he begins to tug his glove from his hand, he panics. Because he is Deceit right now, and the amount of sincerity that he has allowed to spill from his lips has already been taxing. What else can he possibly say to earn their consideration, to earn a place among them?
And then he remembers the importance they place on names. From there, the decision is practically made for him.
He says the words as if on autopilot, an odd mixture of nervous and numb, and he has to check to make sure he has not accidentally shifted into Virgilâs hoodie rather than Deceitâs capelet as his fear thrums though him. Roman laughs, and he lashes out in return, though more due to offense at the idea that the name is stupid rather than because of a personal connection to it.
When Patton says it back to him, he canât stop himself from flinching, just a bit, canât stop the widening of his eyes, the stilling of every muscle. He should be glad, he thinks, because this shows that Patton, at least, is willing to give him a chance, is willing to let him in just a little. But all he can feel is a pervasive sense of wrongness, because he isnât supposed to be Janus here. Here, he is Deceit, is acting as Deceit. Janus is for isolated, personal moments, and for the life of him, he cannot change that, cannot draw out what little he knows of Janus while there are others here, while Thomas is here.
Itâs all wrong. And it only gets worse.
Patton wants to spend time with him, after that. Mostly, heâs glad to accept, is glad of the opportunity to endear himself, to cultivate a relationship that once would have been impossible. Patton invites him to bake, to watch movies, to play games, even to debate morality with him, and he does, and he finds himself enjoying both the activities and the company. But every so often, he catches himself, happiness curdling and souring, because these are all things he enjoys when he is Patton, when he is filling in the cracks that form in Moralityâs absence. He has never done any of this as Janus, and every time Patton calls him by the name, he feels dirty, feels like the worst kind of imposter, because in these moments, he doesnât feel as though he is acting as Janus so much as acting like a reflection of Patton himself, and if Patton knew that, knew that the person he thought he was befriending barely exists at all, he would be devastated.
For some reason, he thinks he would do just about anything to avoid that. For the sake of Thomasâ mental health, surely, and not because he cares about Patton as an individual. To do that would be to open a door that he wouldnât know how to close. Better to leave it shut and locked, and to ignore the fact that the knob is already turning.
âYou okay there, kiddo?â Patton asks him. âYou seem a little distracted.â
He manages a smile, and he knows it comes off well, because that is what he is practiced in. âPerfectly fine,â he says. âSorry about that.â He sniffs the air. âThis batch definitely wonât burn if you leave it in any longer.â
And Patton gasps and bustles around, pulling the cookies from the oven, the redirection working perfectly.
Leave it shut and locked? Please. The door is open, he thinks. Perhaps it would be a disservice to both of them to pretend otherwise. Because he finds himself almost unbearably fond of Patton, these days, and guilty for feeling so. As soon as he has a moment alone, he has to shift into Pattonâs form to get his emotions under control, to abate the itching tightness of his skin. Deceit isnât made for these pleasant interactions, and Janus is about as tangible as mist, but he can hardly be Patton in front of Patton, so he wears a mask of scales and speaks past the acid burning in his throat.
The smart thing to do would be to stop. To retreat, to cut off these developing ties before they can do him any more harm. But for all the cognitive dissonance this is causing him, he doesnât want to lose Pattonâs friendship, his smiles and warmth. Heâs not sure how he used to live without it.
The door is open so wide that it might as well be hanging off its hinges.
He can grin and bear it when itâs just Patton. For a while, it seems as though it will remain that way. Roman, at least, doesnât want to see him, and when Virgil isnât avoiding him, their interactions are far from cordial. And when he is tired, he can sink back into the dark side of the mindscape where Remus awaits him, and Remus, at least, has never expected him to be anything that he is not. He never calls him by his name, either, instead blurting out whatever obscene nickname pops into his head in the moment.
He has never been so glad of that.
But then, Logan invites him to play a game of chess, and for a full three minutes, he is overjoyed, because he loves to play chess, and Logan is the only one who could possibly give him a challenge, and the fact that Logan voluntarily wants to spend time with him is nothing short of amazing. The euphoria lasts until the board is set and they are facing each other, and he catches himself just before shapeshifting into Loganâs form. And he remembers: he has only ever played chess as Logan, learned to play in the first place so as to better imitate Logan. He has played against everyone in the mindscape but Logan at one point or another, providing a distraction and logical advice when Logan himself was unavailable, and none of them were any the wiser as to just who commanded the opposing set of pieces.
Except Remus, but he just thought it was funny.
It is all he can do to focus on the game. All he can do to put up a decent showing, though he loses. All he can do to prevent himself from mirroring Loganâs mannerisms by mistake, out of habit.
He doesnât know how to do this as Janus. His face is frozen, but his hands are fidgeting, seeking release. Normally, he would copy Loganâs calm, his professionalism, but he canât do that when Logan is sitting right across from him, sure to notice anything odd or out of place.
âIt was a good game, Janus,â Logan says when they are done, and he wants to scream, because Janus doesnât belong here either, doesnât belong sitting by a chessboard. That has always been Loganâs place, and it disturbs him somewhere deep inside to be playing Loganâs game, wearing Deceitâs face, being called Janus. So much so that once the game is completed, he retreats to his room and stays there for a week, refusing to answer the door.
It should help. He is not Janus often, but when he is, it is here, in the sanctuary of his own room, his own bed.
It doesnât help. If anything, it unsettles him even more, because the lines that hold his identities apart have been blurred so far that he spends the entire week uncomfortable in his skin, unsure of who heâs trying to be at any given moment. He shifts into the others, stares at their reflections in the mirror, but that doesnât make things any better.
He needs help. He has to admit that, at this point. And thereâs only one other he can think of to go to, only one other who might have experienced anything close to this tailspin.
He knocks on Virgilâs door.
Virgil opens it promptly enough, though his expression morphs from neutral to pissed off immediately upon seeing him. âFuck off,â he snaps, and slams the door shut in his face.
He knocks again. And when he gets no reply, he keeps knocking, knocking and knocking and knocking.
âDonât worry, I definitely couldnât do this all day,â he calls airily, and Virgil jerks the door open again, face now firmly set in incandescent rage.
âWhat the fuck do you want?â he spits, all nerves and anger, all fight and no flight at all.
âCan I talk to you?â he asks.
Virgil stares at him, wordless, eyes narrow. And then, he holds the door open, allowing him to step inside.
âMake it quick,â he bites out, closing the door behind him. âWhat the hell do you think you and I have to discuss?â
He raises an eyebrow at that, because really? They have everything to discuss, and the longer they put it off, the more difficult it will be to start. Their relationship as it stands now is untenable; left to rot much longer, and it will begin to actively harm Thomas, which is something he absolutely cannot allow.
But that is not what he is here for.
âFor both of our sakes, I wonât answer that,â he says. âI just have a question for you.â
Virgil glares. In his hoodie sleeves, his hands are balled into shaking fists. It hurts in an odd sort of way, to see how much he hates him. âThen ask it and leave,â he says, his voice threaded with trepidation. He already knows that he wonât like what he hears.
Well. That makes two of them. He knows he isnât going to like asking this question.
âAfter you first told the others your name,â he says, âhow long did it take for you to like hearing it?â
He has the dubious pleasure of seeing shock, pure and unfiltered, pass across Virgilâs face.
âHow long--â Virgil starts. âWhat are you even--? I donât know, I've never thought about it. I⌠I never disliked hearing it. I mean, I told them in the first place because I trusted them.â A barb, though not an undeserved one. âIt was weird, but I wouldn't have told them if I didnât want them to know it. Why are you asking me that?â
Itâs exactly the answer he didnât want. He knew that Virgil wouldnât understand what he is going through, that Virgil, at his core, is exactly what and who he appears to be, unlike him. But he hoped that there would have been an adjustment period, at least, that there was a time when Virgil, so used to being called by his function, deemed the monster under the bed, would have found it disturbing or at least unnerving to be named so casually.
âAbsolutely no reason at all,â he says, and turns back to the door. âThank you for your time.â
âNuh-uh.â Virgil catches him by the arm, and he freezes. âYouâre not leaving.â
He breathes out slowly, tries not to show his growing fear. The effects of Virgilâs room are beginning to take root, but in his heart of hearts, he knows thatâs not the only reason for the erratic pounding of his pulse.
âOh?â he says, and fights to keep the tremor from his voice. âI thought you wanted me to ask and leave? Do continue with the indecision, it never ceases to delight me.â
âNo,â Virgil says, voice hard. âYou donât get to do that. Not until you tell me what the hell youâre talking about.â
He should never have come here. He draws on Deceit like a cloak, like armor to protect him, armor woven of sarcasm and misdirection and misplaced confidence. Be what he expects, and he will never see anything different; that is a lesson he learned years ago. But the persona is shaky, muted by his confusion and by the bleed-through of every other guise heâs ever adopted. To give ground in front of Virgil is like diving into shark-infested waters with an open wound, but the smoothness he seeks to emulate slips through his grasp.
âItâs a question I need answered,â he says. âNo more than that.â
âBullshit.â Virgil tugs on his arm, and despite himself, he turns his head to face him. There is something odd flickering behind the irritation in Virgilâs eyes, something strange in the tilt of his head that he cannot place. It puts him ill at ease; to be unable to read Virgil is inviting danger, especially in Virgilâs own territory. âIf you donât like them saying your name, then why did you tell them?â
Caught.
He can feel all the blood draining from his face. His vision tunnels, focusing on Virgilâs face, on the expression that is anger and something that cannot possibly be concern, because they burned their bridges far too thoroughly for that. His head throbs, his breathing hitching, and he knows that he needs to leave, now, before he spirals further, because showing weakness in front of another is reprehensible but far, far worse if that someone is Virgil--
âJanus!â Virgil says, alarm threading through his voice, and that is absolutely the last straw. He rips his arm from Virgilâs grasp and sinks directly out, falling through the mindscape until he is in his own room, gasping for breath. His pulse races, his heartbeat roaring in his ears, and when he turns to look in the mirror, he finds that he has wrapped himself in Virgilâs form as his fears threaten to overwhelm him, hoodie and eyeshadow and all.
He curls up on the floor and tries to remember how to breathe.
It takes a long time for him to calm himself, and when he manages to look up again, it is Patton staring back at him. He likes being Patton, likes it more than being any of the others, because Patton is warm and soft and for all his flaws, fundamentally good in a way that used to repulse him but no longer does. Being Patton feels like the closest thing to a hug that he will ever get.
He forces himself to shift again, forces himself into Deceit before stumbling from his room and into the commons. Remus is laying on the couch, half-naked, watching some gory anime and eating ice cream straight out of the carton. He pauses for a moment, watching him, taking comfort in the familiarity; everything changes, but Remus, at least, is a constant, like the north star if the north star showed its love by threatening violence at random intervals. For the briefest of seconds, he shifts into Remus and then back to Deceit again, and for once, feels steady.
Remus takes notice of him eventually, sitting up and baring his teeth in a grin.
âHowâd it go with Virgey?â he asks.
He decides not to question how he knew where he was.
âRight, because I want to talk about it,â he grumbles. âCanât you tell?â He strides over to the couch, keeping as much dignity intact as possible as he shoves at Remusâ legs until he moves them, providing room for him to sit. âWhat are we watching?â
âParasyte,â Remus offers, but there is an odd tone in his voice. When he looks, he sees that Remus is watching him now, rather than the screen, and something in the strangely level gaze is discomfiting.
âWhat?â he snaps.
âNothing,â Remus says, raising his hands. âJust, are you good? I mean, we can switch it to something you wanna watch, if you want. Like, uh, that one show where everyoneâs dead? You like that one, right?â
âThe Good Place,â he mutters. âNo, thatâs alright. Youâd be bored to tears.â
Remus frowns, but doesnât respond. It takes another full episode-- he thinks; they must be in the middle of the plot, because he has absolutely no idea whatâs going on-- for him to speak again, which is strange in and of itself. A quiet Remus never bodes well, because a quiet Remus means that either he is hurting, or he is seriously contemplating hurting someone else. No jokes, no disgusting gags, just a desire to inflict pain for painâs sake. It doesnât happen often, but it is never pleasant when it does. All too often, it is Remus himself who becomes the victim of these tendencies, Remus who tears into his own flesh rather than harming another.
But then, the silence is broken, and he almost wishes that it werenât.
âIf something was wrong, youâd tell me, right, Dee?â Remus asks, and he swallows, hard.
âOf course,�� he lies, and of course it is a lie, a lie hissed out between his teeth, because there is nothing that Remus can do about this, so what would be the point in telling him about it? Remus cares, even if he shows it in odd ways, and it would only hurt him to be presented with a problem that he can do nothing to solve.
âGood,â Remus says, settling back in. ââCause you know, if anybody was hurting you, Iâd smash their skull in. Like a watermelon. Bits going everywhere. Hey, have you ever seen those videos of people crushing watermelons with their thighs? Do you think I could get someone to do that to my skull?â He shoves a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, speaking around it. âI bet itâd be real juicy.â
âI bet,â he murmurs. He doesnât have the energy to respond further.
What is he supposed to say? He has no doubt that he could set Remus on any of the others easily; all it would take is a sentence, a white lie, and perhaps not even that. Oh, so-and-so was a dick to me, Remus, donât you think they would like to be introduced to your mace? Remus would jump at the chance for a bit of sanctioned mayhem.
But no one is hurting him but himself. He wonders what Remus would do if he told him that. Could he get Remus to bash his head in, to hit him until whatever is broken in his brain comes loose? Or until he canât feel anything at all anymore, and wouldnât that just solve every one of his problems? No more confusion, no more angst, no more churning in his stomach whenever someone calls him by a name or a label that feels no more like his than any other.
The idea is more attractive than it should be.
He excuses himself not too much later, and Remusâ eyes bore into his back as he returns to his room, telling himself that itâs a strategic retreat, that heâs not running away.
He knows it for the lie it is, little though he wants to admit it to himself. And as he stands there in the center of his room, trying to decide whether it is worth it to continue with the day or if he should go to bed now, avoid the world for a little longer, his reflection in the mirror catches his eye, and he turns to stare at it. A face stares back, and he supposes that the face must be his, but he doesnât feel like it. It looks as though it is mocking him, taunting him with his unreality.
He shudders and turns away, but the name rings in his head. Janus Janus Janus. A person he should know but that he can no longer find, even here. Once his room was a safe haven, but now it feels like a prison, trapping him between identities that he no longer knows how to escape.
He has his back to the mirror, but the reflection is still there, he knows, and a shiver creeps down his spine, filling him with something like anger and something like fear.
He turns off the lights.
Writing Taglist: @just-perhaps @the-real-comically-insane @jerrysicle-tree @glitchybina @psodtqueer @mrbubbajones
#sanders sides#ts sides#platonic tdlampr#janus sanders#ts janus#patton sanders#ts patton#logan sanders#ts logan#virgil sanders#ts virgil#remus sanders#ts remus#long post#my fic#this is essentially 'janus has an identity crisis: the fic'#and boy oh boy is it a doozy
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hello! are there any songs you associate with any of the kotor characters? (totally not asking bc my brain is hungry for animatic ideas haha,,)
OH BOY DO I HAVE SONGS
first things first, i will direct you to my twelve hour Revan playlist that i use for writing vibes, it's a mixture of vocal and instrumental and it has both a bunch of Revan songs for different eras of Revan, plus revalek songs, plus some revastila songs, plus some songs that just vibe.... it's good and most of the songs i'm about to highlight, if not all of them, are on there already.
NOW. HERE WE GO.
first things first, i need to introduce you to the title song for my mandalorian wars fic, oblivion by the aviators! god, this song doesn't fit all Revans perfectly, but it fits mine so well it was like it'd been written for her specifically, i swear. listening to the song was what inspired me to write the fic to begin with (and now i have a whole series oops). i mean, come on, look at the chorus:
Let the broken heroes rise Let the victors take their prize No one wins when justice dies War has let this age begin It's where we've gone and where they've been What a state that we're in Here in oblivion
can't look at that and tell me that isn't Jedi Knight Revan and the war that broke them.
next up!! liar by the arcadian wild, my beloved. this song is currently my top all time on spotify, closely followed by the song i'm going to rec after it and then achilles come down - and the fact that anything unseated achilles for the top spot should tell you something. (and if you don't know what achilles come down is look it up that one's on my playlist too.) this is a really good one for Revan's slow fall down, the corruption arc - again, all of the songs i'm mentioning really fit my own versions of the characters best, but they're just good in general. some of the lyrics i enjoy from this one:
hnext up, we have it all by pim stones. this particular one feels very revalek to me, early in the Sith years when they still maybe had good intentions, maybe after the war but before becoming Darth. there's this softer, almost desperate tone to the way the singer sings it that just hits me hard - this is the song i'm using as the title for my Sith years interlude fic! a lyric snippet:
All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well I just couldn't resist what he was trying to sell
There's glory ahead but our love will be forgotten If my heart was still mine I would go to the bottom And apologise to you until the day it went rotten
next up we have the balancer's eye by lord huron, which is the song i named my series after (have you noticed a trend yet?). it's a very Revan vibe in general, and while i'm not as much of a fan of the style, the lyrics are really excellent!
Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe?
Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me 'til I die?
mmm let's see what next. OH! go to war by nothing more. this is just straight up a Sith years song for revalek, whether you ship them or not - they were important to each other either way! ..... i am not going to tangent into yelling about revalek. that is not what this is for. anyway, the song itself is a) a banger and b) talking about love corrupting and falling apart and it just. it hits, man
Do we censor? Do we flow? Are we drunk on the chemicals? Every feeling in my bones Tells me to lash out and tell you to fuck off You've got my heart and I've got your soul But are we better off alone? With every battle we lose a little more Remember everything that we'd die for You are everything that I'd die for
oooh NEXT we have the song i was going to use for my Jaw Scene before i decided to write a full sith years fic. saints by echos is the song, and again, we've got Sith years Revan and Malak here (yes yes i have a type), the vibes of losing faith and anger and it blends really well with how Revan basically played off being a legendary figure to the Republic to fuel their war against it!
You were standing there like an angry god Counting out my sins just to cross them off Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust And that my blood couldn't keep you
My dear, you're not so innocent You're fooling Heaven's gates So you won't have to change You're no saint, you're no savior
mmmm okay the discord has informed me that ten (10) songs is the maximum i should do in one post so. i will only do four more. chrysalis - the last breath by delain is yet another Sith Revan and Malak song and honestly you can read it as a response to the song above, if you think of saints from Malak's pov and chrysalis from Revan's, they mesh really well together.
Hey, are you still mad? About the time We almost went too far I know your regrets In my defense; By now, it's just a scar That distracts you from Your broken heart Like you wanted it to do How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go of you I will try Until my last breath How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go I promise I will fight
next! for a complete change of pace, i have a revastila song for you - warrior by beth crowley. it somehow manages to capture exactly the dynamic i think of in my head when i think about Bastila, the uncertainty, the forbiddeness of it, but the way Revan ultimately strengthens her and she strengthens Revan
You fascinated me Cloaked in shadows and secrecy The beauty of a broken angel
I ventured carefully Afraid of what you thought I'd be But pretty soon, I was entangled
You take me by the hand I question who I am
uhhhhhh i am desperately trying to think of songs that aren't just about Revan but instead here i am with another Mandalorian Wars Revan song, what did we know by rachel rose mitchell! this song was introduced to me by the same friend who sent me oblivion, and it really captures the fall of the Mandalorian wars incredibly well imo - the way it started with righteousness but ended in pain (compassion leading to destruction and that's a ramble i'm not going on here either), and there's this line in there that i'm not including in my snippet that's what scares me more than anything / if we could choose the past / we'd probably choose the same and it's like. yes! that's it! i'm going to once again go insane over the scene in the Korriban tomb in kotor 2!!! knowing the price.... would you choose to do it all again........ aaaaaaaa
It's been so long since we began. It seems so long ago That in the name of loyalty We started on our own. Answering the call of a house we once called home, We knew that we were right. What did we know?
We swore that we understood this wasn't a game, But somehow we found ourselves fanning the flames. Those who cautioned and abandoned us, they were the same. I saw them turn away.
the final song i'm doing is the song i used when i wrote the Betrayal scene from Malak's pov, the little things give you away by linkin park. this one just. it vibes, it vibes hard, goes really into the actual grief of betrayal, and also has a super epic instrumental solo so there's that. as usual, lyric snippet:
Don't want to reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you The little things give you away But now there will be no mistaking The levees are breaking
All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet under water, I do
All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet underground now I Now I do
god okay now that you're completely overwhelmed and never want to talk to me again....... i should've probably put this under a readmore but eh. thanks for the ask!
#asked and answered#my revan playlist#there is literally so much music on here#i make up animatics in my head so#you sent this ask in and i sent it to the discord like#what's up i'm about to overwhelm this poor person who just started following me#please don't regret interacting with me#oh i should probably tag this as#long post
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Hi :) Happy boxing day
Please... Excuse yesterday's incoherency... My big sibling snuck whiskey into my specifically non-alcoholic eggnog... I'm very cross with them right now...
Also i found. New songs for kris. Behold:
Chateau - Angus & Julia Stone
Over the River - Pentatonix (ft. Lindsey Stirling)
Something Wild - Lindsey Stirling (ft. Andrew McMahon)
Wild Ones - Alessia Cara
A Good Song Never Dies - SAINT MOTEL
The Real World - Owl City
Also this one I think qualifies for all the kids frankly, Dess and Azzy and even Susie included:
Growing Pains - Alessia Cara (Radio version) (though the original cut off version could be Dess')
Hope everyone is doing well! Gal says hi:) Please remember to eat + drink something, take care of yourselves & each other, and have a phenomenal day! This has been a Daily Interaction Ask!
kjgjkfg oj no. glad youre okay now!
and YEAH SONGS truly i love hearing songs and going 'ah yes. that ones a kris one <3' the other day me and charm at the same time after hearing a song just yelled KRIS/CHARA and then spent like 20 minutes debating who the song fit better (charm won that one. its now a chara song).
and all of these songs. so good! they all have those kris vibes of like...loving ur friends but also kinda being just a tad lost in the world. the real world is actually on my own playlist but i never thought of how it does work real well as a kris song...its about loving the dark world more than the light world <3
and! as i did with ur last song-based ask i will now offer you some of my own kris songs.
be nice to me - the front bottoms: all i can say about this one is a heard and went 'wait. wait a sec. kris and noelle song.' idk its about 'there is very little left of me and it's never coming back' and how its very much like--these two kids who grew apart after dess left but now theyre trying to be friends again when they're not the same people and kinda need to learn the other all over again.
vagabond - wild: this one is a 'hi im kris and idk who the fuck i am' song bc. that kid truly is doing their best and that's hard sometimes. but the lines 'just tell me where do i belong? / tell me where to go from here so i / can rewrite all my wrongs' is just. that's my kris <3
this is home - cavetown: this one is actually a sneak peak at my big final deltarune fic bc i did accidentally script out an animatic in my head </3 but it fits kris's emotional arc in the fic super well and if i had the ability to draw well enough i would 100% make it.
you guys have a great day too!
#daily interaction ask#deltarune#love associating music with things u like#it really makes the experience better#bc then you have just so many idea for animatics#that are so wildly out of your skill level#but god if i dont think about them
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I posted 836 times in 2021
81 posts created (10%)
755 posts reblogged (90%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 9.3 posts.
I added 195 tags in 2021
#hananeneweek2021 - 40 posts
#toilet bound hanako kun - 24 posts
#jibaku shounen hanako kun - 23 posts
#to read later - 23 posts
#fic rec - 19 posts
#sao - 18 posts
#spooktober - 14 posts
#volume 15 - 12 posts
#jshk theories - 11 posts
#manga coloring - 11 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#support but iâm just so stressed and so drained i canât keep up always and then i feel so guilty and just asfdhfhgjhj i love all my friends
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
âIâm sorry.
I didnât mean to make you cry.âđ¸
- Toilet Bound Hanako Kun (The confession treeđł)
104 notes ⢠Posted 2021-03-14 21:49:24 GMT
#4
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105 notes ⢠Posted 2021-02-14 18:11:22 GMT
#3
AidaIroâs auâs are really Neneâs stories
I want to share something I always thought about regarding AidaIroâs Hanako auâs (ghost hotel, hoto, playing cards etc) I was talking out my ideas with Cat and Hope and by doing so I have something cohesive to share. Â
In my head I can actually imagine Nene being the one to come up with all these auâs cause sheâs so creative and in her own fantasy world sometimes. She loves romantic things but also loves odd and dark things so I could see the auâs fitting that.
(Thatâs @thehopeeliasâ art btw that she did for a Tiny Light cover/animatic we collabed together on here)
Monster Nursery
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129 notes ⢠Posted 2021-05-16 00:02:26 GMT
#2
Hanako admitting to himself what he truly wants
So we all remember the parallels from the Clock Keepers Arc to Picture Perfect right? Hanako realizing that for the first time ever thereâs someone in his life that makes him care about who lives and who dies. Something precious enough to him that he wants to have a future unlike himself. Â Â
âI donât know what you think of me kid... But iâm already dead. So if someone else is going to live or die... It makes no difference to me.âÂ
âIt shouldnât have made a difference... If you were doomed to die. I didnât think Iâd care... one way or the other, but... I want you to live, Yashiro...â
But now... can we talk about this in ch 58 for a secondÂ
He canât go the moon with her. He canât be with her and at this point right here he doesnât even contemplate the idea at all if he could stay with her. He doesnât even voice internally this is what he wants. He instead apologizes to her internally like he rejected her wants because he can't even ever entertain the idea that this will last. He knows it won't and heâs set in that belief acknowledging nothing else but the fact that he will grant Yashiroâs wish and extend her lifespan somehow.Â
Now letâs talk about ch 71
Hanako knows that the severance is happening and heâs gonna be separated from her. But in this moment now he does voice to himself what he truly wants! He does entertain the idea of going to the moon with Yashiro (continuing to be with her) He doesnât want this!Â
He now cares so much that he wantâs to think about what a future with Yashiro would be like right when itâs all falling apart (literally). But we donât talk about this growth. He doesnât see himself as someone who deserves a future, heâs dead, heâs a murder and so on... BUT that doesn't stop him right now from admitting to himself this is what he wants. Cause he found something in this universe that is worth desiring this anyway.Â
And maybe it's just me who feels this way but for someone with as much self hated as Hanako, that is a huge step. Cause heâs clinging to the one thing that makes him forget about all that in this very moment and admiting this might be a reason to fight to get back to even this limbo if he could. Â
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133 notes ⢠Posted 2021-04-07 20:59:23 GMT
#1
Lily (DMLD) and Playing Cards AU Nene
I was reading Dear My Living Dead yesterday with @thehopeeliasâ and found some interesting things.Â
The parallels between Hanako and Nene and Lily and Karuto are obvious givens but thereâs some other things as well.
For example Playing Card (Royal AU) Nene and her background.Â
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140 notes ⢠Posted 2021-03-21 15:26:13 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review â
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Damian Wayne x Marinette Dupain-Cheng Playlist - Part 1
(As always the pictures arenât mine!)
So I love music playlists, I have one for almost every OTP, holiday, or mood. When I found out we didnât have a Daminette playlist post, I had to put one together. Starting out at pre established playlists for the two did little to help, because their universes are very different and theyâre personalities do not lend to overlap within a song only about one or the other. But after some searching I found several that I thought fit well. These are only my opinions though. đ
I would love if you left recommendations for a Part 2!
Can You Feel the Love Tonight - Pentatonix
I utterly fell in love with this song the second I heard it. I love most of their songs and covers because theyâre such a creative group. I got into Daminette and this song just clicked for those two. This was actually the first song for the playlist!
Drama Club - Melanie Martinez
Okay so this is less a Daminette song and more of a salt song against The Class from Marinetteâs perspective. But like since half of the Daminette stuff is salt in one form or another I feel justified putting it on here. Recommended to me by @tiny-goddess-of-chaos
Angel - Jack Johnson
I love Jack Johnson and could listen to his stuff for hours. This song is sweet, short, and I figure is a sappy inner monologue of Damianâs in the morning or something. It mentions angels, heroes, and soulmates - literally the perfect Daminette song.
Falling - Trevor Daniel
Another recommendation by @tiny-goddess-of-chaos this could be perfect from either Damian or Marinetteâs perspective if either of them had been in a relationship before.
How Do You Talk To An Angel - The Heights
I think any song with angel in the lyrics or title is self explanatory for this pairing đ
But I love the mood of this song; it fits Damianâs cluelessness at how to deal with a girl whoâs not quite intimidated by him and at the same time totally able to keep up with him - how to talk to a angel indeed.
Taking Chances - Celine Dione (Glee Cover)
Okay so I found this song and I didnât like the CĂŠline Dion version, but I loved the Glee version. I know, Glee? Really? But hear me out, the song is perfect for Damian and Marinette; âdonât know much about your life, donât know much about your worldâ and âwhat do you say to jumping off the edge, never knowing if thereâs solid ground below, a hand to hold, or heâll to payâ trust me itâs perfect! And Lea Michele does a great job singing and the chorus towards the end is too pretty for words! đĽ°
I Choose - Alessia Cara
Okay this is another one from @tiny-goddess-of-chaos and oh my gosh itâs soooo PERFECT! You could just imagine Marinette singing it to Damian. It fits them so well!
Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding
This is just a good song from Marinetteâs perspective and itâs a little darker than your average love song which just fits better.
Lucky Ones - Lana Del Rey
Oh my gosh this song is too perfect for these two. I saw the lyrics and was immediately sold and then I saw it was by Lana Del Rey which means that it had that beautiful haunting sound her songs have which is the perfect aesthetic for these two. The best line is âevery now and then the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great designâ and it just sends shivers down my spine.
Superheroes - The Script
I mean, pretty self explanatory, but still such a good song and the imagery really fits with Damian and Marinette. They really have to be stronger in order to be heroes and I feel like this song synthesizes that for these two.
When the Day Met the Night - Panic at the Disco
Everything about this song is perfect for Damian and Marinette; the lyrics, the imagery, the tune, the mood - just perfect. âJust hanging around and he fell in love, and he didnât know how to get out.â Uh, if thatâs not our poor assassin boy right there I donât know what is. đ
Angels or Devils - Dishwalla
Such a great song from Damianâs perspective. Perfect for imagining both of them going through a hard time and supporting each other through it. Plus the language is perfect imagery for them.
Lucky - Jason Mraz
One of the few duet songs I found for this pairing (Iâll need some more part two) Two lovers pining for each other across the sea? Daminette for sure đ
Luck Be a Lady Tonight - Frank Sinatra
Classy and fancy, with such a perfect Marinette vibe. It makes me think of all the galas/balls/fundraisers in all the fics that I had to include it.
Canât Help Falling In Love - Pentatonix Version
Have I mentioned that I love Pentatonix, because I really do. Their version of this song is so epic, and it just really fits these two.
Heroes (we could be) - Alesso
I think this song rally hits the superhero/vigilante side of their personalities even better than Superheroes by the Script. It really hits on the difficulties of being a hero and the call to be a hero - which is so big for both of them.
Lucky Strike - Maroon 5
Such a fun song to listen to and absolutely perfect for Marinette!
Angel - Aerosmith
Any good playlist should have some old fashioned rock and roll! đ¸ This song is beyond perfect lyrics wise for these two! Iâm imagining all the Damian perspective songs are being passionately sung in his head while he only scoffs aloud. Any telepath in the room is going to hear a never ending stream of gush! đĽ°
As Long As Your Mine - Wicked
The one other duet song on here, and the only one from musical theatre which is insane, so Iâll be combing for more for part two. This one was recommended to me by @salty-fang so thanks for that! Itâs Wicked, so what more than I could say than its perfect!
Lovebug - Jonas Brothers
Oh my gosh Iâm jumping all over the past several decades for material đ
I actually really like some of the old Jonas brothers stuff and this song was too perfect not too add. Itâs so sweet.
Safe and Sound - Capital Cities
Another recommendation from @tiny-goddess-of-chaos a really fun sing with a total Daminette vibe.
Stand by You - Rachel Platten
I love this song and as soon as I was putting together a playlist for these two it was inevitable that it ended up on there. Itâs such a great song about standing together and get through hard times and the imagery is perfect for this couple.
Fools - Lauren Aquilina
I have the animatic in my head for this song because itâs just that perfect for Daminette. Itâs haunting in that same way Lana Del Reyâs stuff is. Absolutely stunning!
Angel in Blue Jeans - Train
Okay, I love the beat and rythm in this song. And the lyrics are so perfect! I could also see this as a Jasonette song, but either way great fit for this fandom!
Alright Iâd love to hear what yâall think! Please leave any recommendations you think would fit for these two!!
đâĽď¸đ
#damian x marinette#maribat#maridami#ml x dc#mlb crossover#moodboard#playlist#damimari#marinnette dupain cheng x damian wayne#daminette
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