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hollenka99 · 4 years ago

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Not The Boy He Once Knew

Summary: Even if he’s not the best at always showing it, Phil cares about his sons. But when one leaves home and goes down a dark path, all Phil wants is for his little soldier boy to come home safely.

Warnings: Death, stabbing

This is based on Obscuritea’s Little Soldier Boy animatic. You can find them on Twitter at @/0bscuritea.

Phil remembered holding his children for the first time. He could have watched Techno's little snout twitch for as long as his eldest would allow him. Wilbur stared at everything, as if it was mandatory for him to visually absorb as much of the world around him as possible. This included the young pig boy hovering by door, unsure whether he wanted to meet the one who was had made him a big brother. Tommy was a wriggler, that was for sure, always trying to get into a better position within the blanket. Wilbur certainly didn't help things when he clambered onto the sofa in order to push himself through the space under Phil's free arm so he could get a better view of the baby.

Many summer afternoons were spent sitting in the shade of trees, watching his sons play with each other. Sometimes, he'd even be out there strumming on his guitar while doing so. The older Wilbur and Techno got, the more they liked to engage in rough play. More than once, Tommy would be happily sitting on his lap before finding himself caught up in the latest rough and tumble session.

One day while his two eldest are 12 and 9 respectively, Phil is horrified to see them return home from a night time adventure in the nearby woods with blood on their person. It would seem that they'd run into a number of zombies and skeletons. Wilbur had tripped and this had caused Techno to make use of his axe. Most of the blood wasn't even theirs so they argued it wasn't a big deal. As Phil retrieves the bread he has on hand for situations like these, he scolds his boys for being reckless. There wouldn't have even been any mobs about if they'd gone out in the day. Just because death was a three strikes and you're out kind of deal didn't mean they could risk injury or worse for the sake of fun. Now, were there any cuts or scrapes they wanted him to look at? Just the one on Techno's snout? Well alright, best get that sorted then off to bed.

During a week where his attention had been directed perhaps everywhere except towards Wilbur, he notices the light is still on in his room. Good. With a knock, he gets invited in. An apology is issued, after which Phil pulls out some wheat and cocoa beans he had lying around. The boy in his early teens acts as if his eyes don't momentarily light up once it clicks what those ingredients are for. When he makes excuses about being too old to be bribed with cookies as well as pointing out that it was getting late, Phil calls his bluff. Come on, let this be his way of saying sorry tonight then he promises tomorrow morning they can have a guitar session, just the two of them. Wilbur rolls his eyes but heads to the kitchen regardless. Phil's glad he does because that is the first time Wilbur plays an original song he was in the process of creating with him as the audience. It was only a shame that incidences like these were becoming few and far between. He wasn't going to catch every time Wilbur felt ignored, especially if the kid slowly stop attempting to get his attention as often in the first place.

It's an odd feeling when Wilbur says his goodbyes. The years have passed so quickly it's hard to believe his little boy isn't quite so little anymore. However, his second son had been a budding musician for as long as he'd had the dexterity for it. It would be impossible to forget how he had beamed with such intensity upon being gifted his first guitar, so much so that Phil had slightly worried he might injure his mouth or jaw somehow. He'll be fine. Phil had nothing to worry about. Besides, Tommy had already made the journey himself a few weeks ago and it sounded like he was already making friends.

Life carries on with Techno helping out with the farming and the occasional correspondence arriving from the other two. When he hears about drugs in a van, he rolls his eyes. Trust them to do something ridiculous like that. It's less humourous when the word 'war' begins to get thrown around. Then shortly afterwards, Techno is leaving to assist his brothers in their endeavours. This results in an argument as Techno packs. By all means, help Wilbur and Tommy but don't get involved in a war that wasn't his to fight. Phil's anxiety regarding his sons' wellbeing grows due to talk of plans to win back L'Manburg after a failed election resulted in an apparent dictatorship. The more days that passed, the stronger his desire to have all his boys back home safely with him grew.

He sits alone at a table that had once been abundant with life. Once again, Tommy has sent him a letter regarding the situation over there. He was getting scared of his brother's apparent obsession with potentially destroying the nation in a blast. Wilbur had even been heard wondering if Phil would be proud of him. Given the current circumstances, he wasn't so sure how to answer. Tommy had even confessed that both he and Wilbur were on their last lives which petrified Phil more than any of the bad news he'd gotten so far. However, his son was right. Enough was enough.

It was time for Phil to make his way to L'Manburg.

He almost finds it funny how Wilbur's voice immediately morphs into the defensiveness of a child as soon as he realises his father has entered his secret detonation room. It was honestly reminiscent of times such as when he got caught stalking a chicken to gain the egg necessary for a pumpkin pie, said pumpkin being dragged behind him by the stalk. However, his son wasn't 4 anymore. Wilbur was a grown man who had proven himself to maintain less than innocent thoughts and motivations.

But Phil was his father nevertheless. And he would talk him out of this 'blow up L'Manburg' plan like others such as Tommy had previously done. Besides, he knew Wilbur. Deep down, that boy didn't have it in him to cause that much destruction, let alone risk instigating any potential loss of life. All he had to do was calmly talk him down.

L'Manburg had been won back. Even with Wilbur yelling in frustration about the several times he came close to pressing the button, that could be seen as a sign of strength. They could agree to not do anything rash then gradually dismantle the vast quantity of TNT hidden in the walls. The notion that Wilbur would risk triggering the button to see if it was actually rigged is so absurd it makes Phil laugh aloud.

He's certainly not in the mood to laugh within a minute of that moment. By the time thirty or so seconds have elapsed, he is on top of his son, both of them on the ground with only dust and rubble left of what had been the secret underground room. Wilbur had been talking about Eret one second before uttering the infamous line of "it was never meant to be" the next. Phil doesn't think it had truly registered in his mind that the explosives were about to go off when he leapt to protect his son from them.

This couldn't be happening. He knew Wilbur, he knew that he would never be capable of blowing up L'Manburg. Except Wilbur was. He... he had.

It's as Wilbur is screaming into the sky about his unfinished symphony remaining forever unfinished that the reality of his personal mistake makes itself known to Phil. Tommy had warned him that Wilbur was going off the rails. He'd said that Phil shouldn't let his guard be lowered around his brother. The second born of their family was currently not to underestimated.

That grin, that sheer ecstasy upon achieving his goal, the way Wilbur revelled in his 'victory'. Well, what more proof did Phil need to know he'd done the exact things he'd been warned against?

He barely has the chance to acknowledge that before Wilbur is demanding the unimaginable from him. No, perhaps 'demand' isn't the right word. Begging might be more appropriate. A sword is tossed at his feet, an invitation for it to be used. He can't though. Not this. Anything but this. The punishment for reversing countless hours of dedicated hard work should not be a death sentence. That simply does not equate.

"God, you're- You're my son! No matter what you do, no matter what you act like, I can't..."

And it's true. This was the kid who would (along with Tommy most of the time) go on epic adventures to claim treats in chests which were placed high up for the exact purpose of deterring such behaviour. He was the one who'd be found sneaking off to the surrounding caves and mines for the sake of exploration. It was him who practised his rallying speech skills on his brothers and father. More than that, Wilbur was a talented musician who liked writing songs and loved his family. He wasn't some irredeemable criminal who deserved to die to pay for the pain he'd caused.

Phil was not going to give Wilbur what he wanted. At least, he was against it until he realised this was about more than punishment or penitence. This was him asking someone he trusted to free him from the burden of all his wrongdoings. Wilbur wanted peace in his life again. And what kind of father would he be if he couldn't give his son that?

He grabs the sword. If he's going to do this, he'd rather make it as fast as possible. The last thing he wants is the suffering of a loved one. Wilbur tenses as the blade finds its way into his chest then exits. The gasps and stuttered breaths are worse than his son begging for death a minute ago. It's okay, he mutters. Just breathe through it. It'll be alright in a moment. Phil doesn't know whether him stroking Wilbur's hair is helping at all but somehow, it's helping Phil himself so that's good enough. The hand gripping his side begins to lose strength. He lets out a grief-stricken groan as he holds his son as tightly as he can.

"You couldn't just let- you couldn't just win?" There is no response, not even a hint of it.

The walls blown apart, he knows everyone can see him. But what does he care? Wilbur's head rests against his father's chest, arms loosely drooping towards the floor and body slumping alongside it. When he inevitably forces himself to let go, to leave the remains of this godforsaken room and... and bury his son's body back home, he's aware he'll have to face the fact his lap is stained with blood. But that can wait for as long as he can delay it.

For now though, he'll sit here with his eyes closed. Maybe that way he can somehow convince himself he's just holding the little boy who loved finding his way into his father's arms whenever he was drowsy, albeit an enlarged version. It's all he can do to keep the tears and questions of how this could have been prevented at bay.

#dream smp #philza #wilbur soot #technoblade #tommyinnit #obscuritea #my writing #I wrote like 90% of this the day after discovering/the animatic coming out #but due to irl stuff I forgot to finish it until Ghostbur started talking about being resurrected #titling stuff is dumb #I have just sat here for like 15 minutes trying to think of a decent title that wasn't the wip one of 'little soldier boy' since it doesn't #fit this fic as well as it does the animatic #but never mind #tw death #tw stabbing #sorry forgot to add these when I first posted this

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starblaster · 3 years ago

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i used to have tegan and sara’s “i’m not your hero” on one of my naruto playlists but now i can only ever associate it with murderbot

#the second i started trying to make a murderbot playlist #(which was admittedly around the middle of my first read through artificial condition)#i was like 'wow that song fits murderbot perfectly'#and then i found out there was a whole ass murderbot animatic someone made to that song #and i was like fuck yes. hell fucking yes.#it is so fulfilling and satisfying #to like. daydreaming about a fan thing you hope exists already.#and then it does.#it's just so perfect and wonderful #as much as i like making those kinds of things myself as a fan #i'm also someone who unfortunately has a habit of biting off way more than i can chew #and to know that for once i seem to have found one of the few fan communities #in which my desires to see a certain scenario played out as a well-written fanfic are shared by so many people #and they're not just niche oneshots or unfinished multi-chapter serials #i'm definitely not done with being the person who writes niche fan content. or consuming it.#but wow is it refreshing #to know that there are fellow murderbot fans who are like 'yes! i love that idea! here are no fewer than 4 fics based on that premise!'#like wow i really am nourished by these people

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n-emone · 2 years ago

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Answer to the ask “2 for the wip challenge” by @/hiromiikunn!

I made this just now just to answer xD;; Think of it as a proof of concept? This is kind of the vibe I want to go for whenever I make this animatic! Fair warning, it is 99% a GinSherry animatic and you’d really have to squint for the shinshi... it also does not end happily I’m sorry :’) More under the cut!

To summarize, the animatic takes place towards the tail-end of DCMK where the final showdown against the BO is happening, and Shiho relives the memories she had while she was in it, both good and bad. Its sort of inspired by this one fic I read super long ago that delves into the past of Shiho and Gin, before shit hit the fan (the name escapes me). The song is Gentle Comet by YOASOBI (yes the beastars ending)! I think it fits both Shiho and Gin very well (depending on how you view their past together)

#will it ever happen? or will it live in my head forever #we will see #dc #ginsherry #itll be very shiho-centric

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cloth-moths · 2 years ago

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For all of us thinking about canary Jimmy, and that one fic with him and Tango, might I reccomend the song "Canary in a Coal Mine", by The Crane Wives?

It's not a perfect fit, but the opening line, "you and I are friends of empty graves" does match pretty well

Definetly not just saying this cause I wanna see an animatic of this

#solidarity gaming #solidaritygaming #tangotek #double life #double life smp #team rancher

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geometea · 3 years ago

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caveat: blaseball is amazing and both eras were enjoyable, broadly well written and thought provoking, and tgb are doing a great job

why does the discipline era hold up in hindsight better than the expansion era does? a not very coherent and occasionally self-contradictory exploration of the opinions of someone you have little reason to pay attention to

so i was on the wiki yesterday, as i often am, just clicking around player pages. for fic research purposes i wound up on kiki familias page and decided to refresh my hall stars lore knowledge because why not. one thing led to another led to the hall stars animatic led to me crying a little bit because this was 1am and also hall stars animatic.

and that got me thinking. see, i got into blaseball around season 8. i wasn’t on the discord i didn’t understand the wiki it was just me enjoying a very confusing website and occasionally pausing to try to figure out baseball because i had literally no exposure to baseball prior to blaseball and had no idea what a strike was.

and i actually missed the first day X because i was asleep and then realized id missed something big so stayed up for the second day X and watched it live and i didn’t have the fan narratives or context for the players or who people thought they were but it impacted me enough that i would up getting into the fandom properly.

and that sets up expansion - im in the discord, im participating in lore, im very involved with my team of choice, im editing the wiki and staying up till 3am to watch the semi centennial and helping with events and overall im very tuned in to the plot for the entire thing.

and yet it’s discipline, experienced in a confused, distant haze where i didn’t even know my chosen team had once been in moab, that sticks with me.

so - why?

theres doubtless an influence in the different ways i consumed them - discipline and the fan-driven plot was a lot of hindsight and ‘oh so that’s why that happened’ over the grand siesta and having the narrative events explained later in a way that made a confusing puzzle fit into place is a thing that my brain specifically enjoys.

but it’s not just that. discipline is the wonderful collision of a bug-riddled sim meeting fan desire for an emergent narrative: derrick krueger is from a timeline that never happened, the shelled one was because the site was bugged to heck, the wyatt masoning was an attempt to kill off the titular wyatt mason and instead gave them protagonist powers. jaylen comes back from the dead because fans realize it’s possible, the shelled one gets angry because fans decide to spite them time and time again - even the hall stars are champions of the fans chosen by the fans - they win because fans realize that jaylen needs to be there and manage to get someone who she can actually swap with in the right place.

with a few different choices, the story of discipline could have been so different.

and then we come to the expansion era and the sim is still, of course, buggy and prone to just going its own way but its not the discipline era sim. there’s no peanut fraud, there’s no wyatt masoning. the central (player) figures of the expansion era are arguably parker macmillan and (new) megan ito and the library reveal is wonderfully crafted and the emergent narrative told through mods and game logs is as shocking and terrifying as it was meant to be and it also all happened eras before fans had any say on the narrative.

we don’t choose parker and megan. we don’t get to watch them, to carve out their stories among ourselves. the universe arrives and the story of parker macmillan and new megan ito and everyone they burned is already written.

there’s something about the fact that discipline is the story of players - of players we knew and loved and lost (and clung to) - standing up to the god who took the ones they love, and expansion is the story of the intern interim commissioner who knows the gods and influences the world and above all isn’t ours standing up to the god who did a lot of terrible things but the reason why he stands up, at least at first, is because She did terrible things to him specifically (it was all fine until the Imposter).

and we march through expansion, and so much more than discipline it feels like we’re on a track and there is a god dictating the story that will be told.

it works, to a certain extent. the goal of expansion was to talk about innocuous systems and the ways they can pile up to create something truly sinister and the narrative is more planned and arguably more thematically strong than discipline.

but it winds up lacking the sense that anything could happen, that the players who we love have any agency, that the choices we make truly matter and it works for the story being told but it’s also less meaningful to experience as a fan.

there is one big counter example to this - the hellmouth sunbeams choose to charge the mound.

ive spent a while thinking about that, and why the final hours of the expansion era - where the game finally seemed to be literally our choice as to what happened - just didn’t quite land.

the talkers reach the hall and are told to stay put. the beams reach the reader and are told to stay put but interpret it as attack the center and charge off to do that.

the coin gets scattered? for some reason? this is significant? then all the hall teams get the rogue modifier and are let out to charge the coin which incinerates Her but for some reason this is the only thing preventing black hole(black hole) from consuming all of reality. also lootcrates is there. also fans=players now maybe or at least the two are now being conflated in a way they never were in discipline.

possibly im being a touch unfair but if, instead, i think of the end of discipline it feels like a much more coherent narrative. the hall stars, brought back from the trench - the lurking presence of binkys boss, the fact that the mic literally told us they were making a deal to get rid of the shelled one, the incineration of sebastian telephone. its about the players not the fans - it’s about two teams who are both fighting for bad options because there are no good choices, and about souls singing because they’re finally free.

like i said in the caveat, both eras were ultimately incredible to experience and again these are just the takes of someone you don’t have to agree with, but i wanted to write down my thoughts and analysis of where i was coming from.

#blaseball

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boom-fanfic-a-latta · 3 years ago

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Okay so I made some fictional content creators for “Psychonaut in Paris”

Random question, would the show still be called “Miraculous” in this hypothetical universe? I mean, probably yes, but it just makes you wonder…

Anyways, time for the fictional fandom big-name content creator overview feel free to ask about any and all of these guys:

Brendan

Figment Projector/figmentprojector-mlb

YouTube/tumblr

Art/AUs/Animations

Best Known For: some awesome animatics and a really good AU where the heroes are in a band

Fandom Impact: the Band AU sparked multiple fics and fanworks and some of his animatics are considered must-watch for newcomers due to the quality

—

Alan

Amazon Letters

YouTube

Analysis

Best Known For: his sense of humor and how he explains in a way that’s detailed yet easy to understand

Fandom Impact: he’s one of the most prolific channels in the fandom and he’s gotten many people into the show as well as gathering info on a lot of the most popular theories to explain them

—

Clara

TPTWriter/tpt-writer

AO3/tumblr

Writing/Art/Analysis

Best Known For: her series “From the Pages of True Psychic Tales” where she takes what’s known about the comics from the show and writes it into actual comics and stories

Fandom Impact: multiple fanworks based on her stories and comics have been made especially after ‘Psychonaut’ aired and is one of the most well-known names in the fandom

—

Selene

razputin-anonymous

tumblr

Writing/AUs

Best Known For: her variety of Kwami Swap fics and her love of the character Raz

Fandom Impact: her Marinette/Adrien Kwami Swap stories in particular are well-known and loved by the fandom for its accuracy in characterization and its interesting take on switching the roles of the heroes

—

Emilio

miraculous-of-the-goat

tumblr

Memes

Best Known For: memes and his wacky edits

Fandom Impact: his memes are really well-known

—

Rick

Death2Gabe

YouTube

AMVs/Memes

Best Known For: his awesome video editing skills and his ability to find stuff that really fits the characters

Fandom Impact: there are a lot of reactions to his works

—

Tiara

Tiara’s Tower/tiara-tower-rooftop

YouTube/tumblr

Memes/Art/Animations

Best Known For: her friendliness and open interaction with her fans and her unique cartoony style

Fandom Impact: whenever she does an art stream you can bet there’ll be something fun about to happen

—

Drake

DealWithTheBugs

AO3

Writing

Best Known For: his one-shots dealing with slice-of-life character interactions and different shippings

Fandom Impact: he introduced the world to a couple subtler pairings that others might not have noticed at first

—

Kathryn

kisforchat

tumblr

Analysis/Art

Best Known For: her character and episode analysis and her ability to notice things other people may have overlooked

Fandom Impact: Alan actually follows her blog and has given her shout-outs before

#pip meta #psychonaut in paris au #psychonauts #miraculous #miraculous ladybug

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maldito-arbol · 3 years ago

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i think Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon is a song that fits Heart rlly well, particualy their behaviour before Anne stands up to them. also more specifically the lyrics of the chorus work REALLY well (i also think it says something about them that up until this point i had been imagining an animatic about The Core to that song)

I FREAKIN LOVE CABINET MAN *SCREAMS*

Oh I absolutely associate the song with The Core, but yeah! It fits pretty well with Heart too. I’m particularly fond of the way these lyrics work for them:

“Thank God for business, they let me take the floor

I stood so proudly, like I was going to war

Players soon appeared and I quickly was revered

This must be what love would have felt like”

AND NOW YOU GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THEME SONGS FOR EACH OF THE GEMS SO I DID ANOTHER QUICK SWEEP THROUGH MY PLAYLISTS AND ASSIGNED THEM ALL THEMES

Heart is obviously still Bad Romance, I did find a couple other songs that fit them super well but none quite hit their motivations like Bad Romance does, which I think I explained enough in my other post.

So what about Wit?

This one’s a paradox when put in the context of Wit’s character and that’s exactly why it fits so perfectly. I picked this song especially for these lyrics:

“So busy showing me where I'm wrong

You forgot to switch your feelings on, oh oh oh oh

So so superior, are you not?

You'd love a little bit but you forgot

Goodbye Mr A

You promised you would love us

But you knew too much

Goodbye Mr A

You had all the answers

But no human touch”

GOD. I love The Hoosiers <3

Alright moving onto Strength! This one was really really difficult—it was neck and neck with I’m So Sorry by Imagine Dragons, but I went with

MOSTLY for these lyrics:

“I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world

From turning into a monster and eating us alive

Don't you ever wonder how we survive?

Well now that you’re gone, the world is ours

I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me

But I'm not the villain, despite what you're always preaching

Call me a traitor, I'm just collecting your victims

They're getting stronger, I hear them calling”

It was the “call me a traitor” that sold me because, without giving anything too major away, there IS already a line in fic 3 of Heart calling Strength a traitor and that’s so funny to me

Sneak peek uwu bc i love u <3

Anyway bonus, you can have my notes on all the songs I was considering for each gem:

Some of these songs are meant to be imagined as the gem singing about themself, some are them singing about another gem, and some are them singing about a former vessel, but I’m evil so I’m not gonna tell you which ones are which.

The most hilarious thing to me was I didn’t notice until after I added the third song that ALL of Heart’s songs begin with “Bad” and I decided immediately that it was gonna stay that way <3

#ask mal #Gem Trio #CMTO #music rec

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whenisitenoughtrees · 4 years ago

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look me up and define me (please remind me) (part 1/2)

He is whatever puts Thomas first. But that changes so often that he doesn’t know what he is beyond that.

He is Janus when he is alone, but only when he is not someone else.

Janus has never minded the fact that his identity is fluid, ever-changing. He acts as whoever Thomas needs him to be in the moment, and if that means he doesn't know much about himself as an individual, well. It's never been a problem for him.

Until he gives away his name, and then it very much is.

Chapter Warnings: identity issues, non-graphic panic attack, references to self-harm

Chapter Word Count: 4,493

Pairings: platonic TDLAMPR, implied Moceit (though you don’t have to read into it)

Notes: This fic started as a oneshot but ended up being more than 10k, so I’m dividing it into two parts, the second of which will hopefully be posted Friday. Also, this fic as a whole was inspired by the awesome ‘The Record Player Song’ animatic by @turbovickii, which, 10/10 would recommend if you haven’t seen it

Chapter one podfic by @titheinironside

(part 2)

(masterpost w/ ao3 links)

Janus isn’t his name.

Or rather, it isn’t, and it is. He’s never had to think too hard about it before, has never had to struggle for the words to put it all into context. Janus is his name, yes, the name he chose for himself back when Thomas was young and they were all bright-eyed, foolish children, and his preferred moniker wasn’t Deceit but rather something entirely different.

Janus. Roman god of beginnings and of ends, of transitions, of doorways, of passages that lead on and on. God of time, and god of duality. He thought it a fitting descriptor for himself; he is sweet lies, lies that soothe and lies that heal, and he is bitter truths, truths that no one wants to hear, that he must keep to himself lest they do more harm than any lie could. If that is not duality, he doesn’t know what is.

But he is, at his core, whatever Thomas needs him to be. He is fluid in a way that the others are not, able to shift and change depending on the day, depending on what Thomas requires of him at any given moment. He is Thomas’ ability to lie, but only when it benefits him; when a truth would do the most good, he suggests that, instead. He wants Thomas to succeed, to do whatever it takes to better himself, to pursue his ambitions, but only until he pushes himself too far, works himself into exhaustion or questions himself too much. Then, he is the voice that tells him to relax, to take time for himself, to put his health above his goals.

He is whatever puts Thomas first. But that changes so often that he doesn’t know what he is beyond that.

He plays the part of the others, too, whenever it is necessary. They are used to it by now, so used to it that by the time he reveals himself to Thomas, they react with anger rather than surprise or alarm. But what they do not know is that for every time they catch him out, there are five more times he goes undetected, slipping in amongst them, a snake in the grass. He mediates arguments as Morality when the real Patton is nowhere to be found, uses Logic to pull them down to earth when Logan is too buried in his books and theories to realize there’s an emotional problem, uses Creativity’s bravado to advocate for Thomas’ dreams when Roman is busy dreaming himself.

He keeps the mindscape running smoothly. And when he is not one of them, when he wears his default skin, scales and all, he is known to them as Deceit. Nothing more, nothing less. A convenient villain, uniting them all in their distaste. It makes him sick, sometimes, their naivety, the knowledge that without him here, they would run Thomas into the ground all while professing their love for him. But he swallows it down, hides it within himself with all the other truths he hoards, and he carries on another day.

He is Janus when he is alone.

But even that is not true, not really. He is Janus in the snatched moments he has for himself, when there is no pressing crisis, nothing for Thomas to be doing or saying or making, when he can sit alone in his room with the jukebox crooning soft melodies. He is Janus, but only sometimes, because even alone, he draws on the traits of the others. Logan, when he needs a clearer perspective; Roman, when he needs an ego boost; Virgil, to indulge in his worries; Remus, to indulge in darker thoughts; Patton, when he is feeling weak and lonely and wanting, when he wraps his arms around himself and wants to pretend that he does not stand in solitude.

He is Janus when he is alone, but only when he is not someone else.

The Roman god Janus has two faces, one to look to the past and the other to the future. None to look to the present, and that is how he feels, most days, like there is none of him-as-Janus present at all, like every face that he wears is a false one, and his namesake has only two but he has far more than that.

He’s not sure he even knows who Janus is, besides the name, what he likes and what he dislikes, how he feels and how he acts when there is no pressure on him to keep Thomas well. He likes chess and philosophy, but he only ever plays as Logan, only uses that knowledge when he’s wearing the necktie and glasses, because otherwise he can’t get anyone else to listen. He dislikes surprises and stupidity and the ever-present knowledge that nothing in Thomas’ life is guaranteed, due to a society that actively works against most of its members, but are those his concerns or Virgil’s? He only indulges in stronger emotions when he takes Patton’s form, so who’s to say that the feelings are Janus’ at all?

And he almost never gets to act when there is no pressure on him to keep Thomas well. That pressure is always there, has always been there. Without it, who would he be?

In the end, Janus is just a name. Whether it’s his or not is difficult to say. And that has never been a problem for him; he exists to benefit Thomas, after all. He doesn’t feel the need for a solid identity beyond that, not like the others do. He only picks a name in the first place because everyone else does, because Creativity-that-is-Remus needs someone he can look up to, because Anxiety-that-becomes-Virgil needs to know that not everyone is out to get him. It’s a display of trust, in a way, but trust only leads to disaster, to angry two-toned words and pounding footsteps and a blank space in the wall where his best friend once lived, so really, what is the point?

Janus is his name. But he’s not particularly attached to it, and he’s content to leave it there.

But then, there is the callback, and the wedding. But then, he fights for Thomas’ desires harder than he has ever fought before, and when that turns sour, he returns to fight for Thomas’ failing mental health. He does so as Logan, and as Deceit when Logan’s form no longer suits the goal, and he’s not expecting them to listen but he still tries.

But then, everything changes.

But then, Thomas says, I don’t know that we are, and he believes for a moment that he is imagining all of this, that he has slipped into Roman’s face and has allowed a daydream to get just a bit out of hand, because to hear those words out of Thomas’ mouth is something he has fantasized about for so long.

But then, he has a chance at acceptance, a chance to change it all so that he no longer has to struggle to make his voice heard, a chance that all depends on using the right words at this exact moment, and in the split second before he begins to tug his glove from his hand, he panics. Because he is Deceit right now, and the amount of sincerity that he has allowed to spill from his lips has already been taxing. What else can he possibly say to earn their consideration, to earn a place among them?

And then he remembers the importance they place on names. From there, the decision is practically made for him.

He says the words as if on autopilot, an odd mixture of nervous and numb, and he has to check to make sure he has not accidentally shifted into Virgil’s hoodie rather than Deceit’s capelet as his fear thrums though him. Roman laughs, and he lashes out in return, though more due to offense at the idea that the name is stupid rather than because of a personal connection to it.

When Patton says it back to him, he can’t stop himself from flinching, just a bit, can’t stop the widening of his eyes, the stilling of every muscle. He should be glad, he thinks, because this shows that Patton, at least, is willing to give him a chance, is willing to let him in just a little. But all he can feel is a pervasive sense of wrongness, because he isn’t supposed to be Janus here. Here, he is Deceit, is acting as Deceit. Janus is for isolated, personal moments, and for the life of him, he cannot change that, cannot draw out what little he knows of Janus while there are others here, while Thomas is here.

It’s all wrong. And it only gets worse.

Patton wants to spend time with him, after that. Mostly, he’s glad to accept, is glad of the opportunity to endear himself, to cultivate a relationship that once would have been impossible. Patton invites him to bake, to watch movies, to play games, even to debate morality with him, and he does, and he finds himself enjoying both the activities and the company. But every so often, he catches himself, happiness curdling and souring, because these are all things he enjoys when he is Patton, when he is filling in the cracks that form in Morality’s absence. He has never done any of this as Janus, and every time Patton calls him by the name, he feels dirty, feels like the worst kind of imposter, because in these moments, he doesn’t feel as though he is acting as Janus so much as acting like a reflection of Patton himself, and if Patton knew that, knew that the person he thought he was befriending barely exists at all, he would be devastated.

For some reason, he thinks he would do just about anything to avoid that. For the sake of Thomas’ mental health, surely, and not because he cares about Patton as an individual. To do that would be to open a door that he wouldn’t know how to close. Better to leave it shut and locked, and to ignore the fact that the knob is already turning.

“You okay there, kiddo?” Patton asks him. “You seem a little distracted.”

He manages a smile, and he knows it comes off well, because that is what he is practiced in. “Perfectly fine,” he says. “Sorry about that.” He sniffs the air. “This batch definitely won’t burn if you leave it in any longer.”

And Patton gasps and bustles around, pulling the cookies from the oven, the redirection working perfectly.

Leave it shut and locked? Please. The door is open, he thinks. Perhaps it would be a disservice to both of them to pretend otherwise. Because he finds himself almost unbearably fond of Patton, these days, and guilty for feeling so. As soon as he has a moment alone, he has to shift into Patton’s form to get his emotions under control, to abate the itching tightness of his skin. Deceit isn’t made for these pleasant interactions, and Janus is about as tangible as mist, but he can hardly be Patton in front of Patton, so he wears a mask of scales and speaks past the acid burning in his throat.

The smart thing to do would be to stop. To retreat, to cut off these developing ties before they can do him any more harm. But for all the cognitive dissonance this is causing him, he doesn’t want to lose Patton’s friendship, his smiles and warmth. He’s not sure how he used to live without it.

The door is open so wide that it might as well be hanging off its hinges.

He can grin and bear it when it’s just Patton. For a while, it seems as though it will remain that way. Roman, at least, doesn’t want to see him, and when Virgil isn’t avoiding him, their interactions are far from cordial. And when he is tired, he can sink back into the dark side of the mindscape where Remus awaits him, and Remus, at least, has never expected him to be anything that he is not. He never calls him by his name, either, instead blurting out whatever obscene nickname pops into his head in the moment.

He has never been so glad of that.

But then, Logan invites him to play a game of chess, and for a full three minutes, he is overjoyed, because he loves to play chess, and Logan is the only one who could possibly give him a challenge, and the fact that Logan voluntarily wants to spend time with him is nothing short of amazing. The euphoria lasts until the board is set and they are facing each other, and he catches himself just before shapeshifting into Logan’s form. And he remembers: he has only ever played chess as Logan, learned to play in the first place so as to better imitate Logan. He has played against everyone in the mindscape but Logan at one point or another, providing a distraction and logical advice when Logan himself was unavailable, and none of them were any the wiser as to just who commanded the opposing set of pieces.

Except Remus, but he just thought it was funny.

It is all he can do to focus on the game. All he can do to put up a decent showing, though he loses. All he can do to prevent himself from mirroring Logan’s mannerisms by mistake, out of habit.

He doesn’t know how to do this as Janus. His face is frozen, but his hands are fidgeting, seeking release. Normally, he would copy Logan’s calm, his professionalism, but he can’t do that when Logan is sitting right across from him, sure to notice anything odd or out of place.

“It was a good game, Janus,” Logan says when they are done, and he wants to scream, because Janus doesn’t belong here either, doesn’t belong sitting by a chessboard. That has always been Logan’s place, and it disturbs him somewhere deep inside to be playing Logan’s game, wearing Deceit’s face, being called Janus. So much so that once the game is completed, he retreats to his room and stays there for a week, refusing to answer the door.

It should help. He is not Janus often, but when he is, it is here, in the sanctuary of his own room, his own bed.

It doesn’t help. If anything, it unsettles him even more, because the lines that hold his identities apart have been blurred so far that he spends the entire week uncomfortable in his skin, unsure of who he’s trying to be at any given moment. He shifts into the others, stares at their reflections in the mirror, but that doesn’t make things any better.

He needs help. He has to admit that, at this point. And there’s only one other he can think of to go to, only one other who might have experienced anything close to this tailspin.

He knocks on Virgil’s door.

Virgil opens it promptly enough, though his expression morphs from neutral to pissed off immediately upon seeing him. “Fuck off,” he snaps, and slams the door shut in his face.

He knocks again. And when he gets no reply, he keeps knocking, knocking and knocking and knocking.

“Don’t worry, I definitely couldn’t do this all day,” he calls airily, and Virgil jerks the door open again, face now firmly set in incandescent rage.

“What the fuck do you want?” he spits, all nerves and anger, all fight and no flight at all.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks.

Virgil stares at him, wordless, eyes narrow. And then, he holds the door open, allowing him to step inside.

“Make it quick,” he bites out, closing the door behind him. “What the hell do you think you and I have to discuss?”

He raises an eyebrow at that, because really? They have everything to discuss, and the longer they put it off, the more difficult it will be to start. Their relationship as it stands now is untenable; left to rot much longer, and it will begin to actively harm Thomas, which is something he absolutely cannot allow.

But that is not what he is here for.

“For both of our sakes, I won’t answer that,” he says. “I just have a question for you.”

Virgil glares. In his hoodie sleeves, his hands are balled into shaking fists. It hurts in an odd sort of way, to see how much he hates him. “Then ask it and leave,” he says, his voice threaded with trepidation. He already knows that he won’t like what he hears.

Well. That makes two of them. He knows he isn’t going to like asking this question.

“After you first told the others your name,” he says, “how long did it take for you to like hearing it?”

He has the dubious pleasure of seeing shock, pure and unfiltered, pass across Virgil’s face.

“How long--” Virgil starts. “What are you even--? I don’t know, I've never thought about it. I… I never disliked hearing it. I mean, I told them in the first place because I trusted them.” A barb, though not an undeserved one. “It was weird, but I wouldn't have told them if I didn’t want them to know it. Why are you asking me that?”

It’s exactly the answer he didn’t want. He knew that Virgil wouldn’t understand what he is going through, that Virgil, at his core, is exactly what and who he appears to be, unlike him. But he hoped that there would have been an adjustment period, at least, that there was a time when Virgil, so used to being called by his function, deemed the monster under the bed, would have found it disturbing or at least unnerving to be named so casually.

“Absolutely no reason at all,” he says, and turns back to the door. “Thank you for your time.”

“Nuh-uh.” Virgil catches him by the arm, and he freezes. “You’re not leaving.”

He breathes out slowly, tries not to show his growing fear. The effects of Virgil’s room are beginning to take root, but in his heart of hearts, he knows that’s not the only reason for the erratic pounding of his pulse.

“Oh?” he says, and fights to keep the tremor from his voice. “I thought you wanted me to ask and leave? Do continue with the indecision, it never ceases to delight me.”

“No,” Virgil says, voice hard. “You don’t get to do that. Not until you tell me what the hell you’re talking about.”

He should never have come here. He draws on Deceit like a cloak, like armor to protect him, armor woven of sarcasm and misdirection and misplaced confidence. Be what he expects, and he will never see anything different; that is a lesson he learned years ago. But the persona is shaky, muted by his confusion and by the bleed-through of every other guise he’s ever adopted. To give ground in front of Virgil is like diving into shark-infested waters with an open wound, but the smoothness he seeks to emulate slips through his grasp.

“It’s a question I need answered,” he says. “No more than that.”

“Bullshit.” Virgil tugs on his arm, and despite himself, he turns his head to face him. There is something odd flickering behind the irritation in Virgil’s eyes, something strange in the tilt of his head that he cannot place. It puts him ill at ease; to be unable to read Virgil is inviting danger, especially in Virgil’s own territory. “If you don’t like them saying your name, then why did you tell them?”

Caught.

He can feel all the blood draining from his face. His vision tunnels, focusing on Virgil’s face, on the expression that is anger and something that cannot possibly be concern, because they burned their bridges far too thoroughly for that. His head throbs, his breathing hitching, and he knows that he needs to leave, now, before he spirals further, because showing weakness in front of another is reprehensible but far, far worse if that someone is Virgil--

“Janus!” Virgil says, alarm threading through his voice, and that is absolutely the last straw. He rips his arm from Virgil’s grasp and sinks directly out, falling through the mindscape until he is in his own room, gasping for breath. His pulse races, his heartbeat roaring in his ears, and when he turns to look in the mirror, he finds that he has wrapped himself in Virgil’s form as his fears threaten to overwhelm him, hoodie and eyeshadow and all.

He curls up on the floor and tries to remember how to breathe.

It takes a long time for him to calm himself, and when he manages to look up again, it is Patton staring back at him. He likes being Patton, likes it more than being any of the others, because Patton is warm and soft and for all his flaws, fundamentally good in a way that used to repulse him but no longer does. Being Patton feels like the closest thing to a hug that he will ever get.

He forces himself to shift again, forces himself into Deceit before stumbling from his room and into the commons. Remus is laying on the couch, half-naked, watching some gory anime and eating ice cream straight out of the carton. He pauses for a moment, watching him, taking comfort in the familiarity; everything changes, but Remus, at least, is a constant, like the north star if the north star showed its love by threatening violence at random intervals. For the briefest of seconds, he shifts into Remus and then back to Deceit again, and for once, feels steady.

Remus takes notice of him eventually, sitting up and baring his teeth in a grin.

“How’d it go with Virgey?” he asks.

He decides not to question how he knew where he was.

“Right, because I want to talk about it,” he grumbles. “Can’t you tell?” He strides over to the couch, keeping as much dignity intact as possible as he shoves at Remus’ legs until he moves them, providing room for him to sit. “What are we watching?”

“Parasyte,” Remus offers, but there is an odd tone in his voice. When he looks, he sees that Remus is watching him now, rather than the screen, and something in the strangely level gaze is discomfiting.

“What?” he snaps.

“Nothing,” Remus says, raising his hands. “Just, are you good? I mean, we can switch it to something you wanna watch, if you want. Like, uh, that one show where everyone’s dead? You like that one, right?”

“The Good Place,” he mutters. “No, that’s alright. You’d be bored to tears.”

Remus frowns, but doesn’t respond. It takes another full episode-- he thinks; they must be in the middle of the plot, because he has absolutely no idea what’s going on-- for him to speak again, which is strange in and of itself. A quiet Remus never bodes well, because a quiet Remus means that either he is hurting, or he is seriously contemplating hurting someone else. No jokes, no disgusting gags, just a desire to inflict pain for pain’s sake. It doesn’t happen often, but it is never pleasant when it does. All too often, it is Remus himself who becomes the victim of these tendencies, Remus who tears into his own flesh rather than harming another.

But then, the silence is broken, and he almost wishes that it weren’t.

“If something was wrong, you’d tell me, right, Dee?” Remus asks, and he swallows, hard.

“Of course,�� he lies, and of course it is a lie, a lie hissed out between his teeth, because there is nothing that Remus can do about this, so what would be the point in telling him about it? Remus cares, even if he shows it in odd ways, and it would only hurt him to be presented with a problem that he can do nothing to solve.

“Good,” Remus says, settling back in. “‘Cause you know, if anybody was hurting you, I’d smash their skull in. Like a watermelon. Bits going everywhere. Hey, have you ever seen those videos of people crushing watermelons with their thighs? Do you think I could get someone to do that to my skull?” He shoves a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, speaking around it. “I bet it’d be real juicy.”

“I bet,” he murmurs. He doesn’t have the energy to respond further.

What is he supposed to say? He has no doubt that he could set Remus on any of the others easily; all it would take is a sentence, a white lie, and perhaps not even that. Oh, so-and-so was a dick to me, Remus, don’t you think they would like to be introduced to your mace? Remus would jump at the chance for a bit of sanctioned mayhem.

But no one is hurting him but himself. He wonders what Remus would do if he told him that. Could he get Remus to bash his head in, to hit him until whatever is broken in his brain comes loose? Or until he can’t feel anything at all anymore, and wouldn’t that just solve every one of his problems? No more confusion, no more angst, no more churning in his stomach whenever someone calls him by a name or a label that feels no more like his than any other.

The idea is more attractive than it should be.

He excuses himself not too much later, and Remus’ eyes bore into his back as he returns to his room, telling himself that it’s a strategic retreat, that he’s not running away.

He knows it for the lie it is, little though he wants to admit it to himself. And as he stands there in the center of his room, trying to decide whether it is worth it to continue with the day or if he should go to bed now, avoid the world for a little longer, his reflection in the mirror catches his eye, and he turns to stare at it. A face stares back, and he supposes that the face must be his, but he doesn’t feel like it. It looks as though it is mocking him, taunting him with his unreality.

He shudders and turns away, but the name rings in his head. Janus Janus Janus. A person he should know but that he can no longer find, even here. Once his room was a safe haven, but now it feels like a prison, trapping him between identities that he no longer knows how to escape.

He has his back to the mirror, but the reflection is still there, he knows, and a shiver creeps down his spine, filling him with something like anger and something like fear.

He turns off the lights.

Writing Taglist: @just-perhaps @the-real-comically-insane @jerrysicle-tree @glitchybina @psodtqueer @mrbubbajones

#sanders sides #ts sides #platonic tdlampr #janus sanders #ts janus #patton sanders #ts patton #logan sanders #ts logan #virgil sanders #ts virgil #remus sanders #ts remus #long post #my fic #this is essentially 'janus has an identity crisis: the fic'#and boy oh boy is it a doozy

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azems-familiar · 3 years ago

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hello! are there any songs you associate with any of the kotor characters? (totally not asking bc my brain is hungry for animatic ideas haha,,)

OH BOY DO I HAVE SONGS

first things first, i will direct you to my twelve hour Revan playlist that i use for writing vibes, it's a mixture of vocal and instrumental and it has both a bunch of Revan songs for different eras of Revan, plus revalek songs, plus some revastila songs, plus some songs that just vibe.... it's good and most of the songs i'm about to highlight, if not all of them, are on there already.

NOW. HERE WE GO.

first things first, i need to introduce you to the title song for my mandalorian wars fic, oblivion by the aviators! god, this song doesn't fit all Revans perfectly, but it fits mine so well it was like it'd been written for her specifically, i swear. listening to the song was what inspired me to write the fic to begin with (and now i have a whole series oops). i mean, come on, look at the chorus:

Let the broken heroes rise Let the victors take their prize No one wins when justice dies War has let this age begin It's where we've gone and where they've been What a state that we're in Here in oblivion

can't look at that and tell me that isn't Jedi Knight Revan and the war that broke them.

next up!! liar by the arcadian wild, my beloved. this song is currently my top all time on spotify, closely followed by the song i'm going to rec after it and then achilles come down - and the fact that anything unseated achilles for the top spot should tell you something. (and if you don't know what achilles come down is look it up that one's on my playlist too.) this is a really good one for Revan's slow fall down, the corruption arc - again, all of the songs i'm mentioning really fit my own versions of the characters best, but they're just good in general. some of the lyrics i enjoy from this one:

hnext up, we have it all by pim stones. this particular one feels very revalek to me, early in the Sith years when they still maybe had good intentions, maybe after the war but before becoming Darth. there's this softer, almost desperate tone to the way the singer sings it that just hits me hard - this is the song i'm using as the title for my Sith years interlude fic! a lyric snippet:

All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well I just couldn't resist what he was trying to sell

There's glory ahead but our love will be forgotten If my heart was still mine I would go to the bottom And apologise to you until the day it went rotten

next up we have the balancer's eye by lord huron, which is the song i named my series after (have you noticed a trend yet?). it's a very Revan vibe in general, and while i'm not as much of a fan of the style, the lyrics are really excellent!

Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe?

Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me 'til I die?

mmm let's see what next. OH! go to war by nothing more. this is just straight up a Sith years song for revalek, whether you ship them or not - they were important to each other either way! ..... i am not going to tangent into yelling about revalek. that is not what this is for. anyway, the song itself is a) a banger and b) talking about love corrupting and falling apart and it just. it hits, man

Do we censor? Do we flow? Are we drunk on the chemicals? Every feeling in my bones Tells me to lash out and tell you to fuck off You've got my heart and I've got your soul But are we better off alone? With every battle we lose a little more Remember everything that we'd die for You are everything that I'd die for

oooh NEXT we have the song i was going to use for my Jaw Scene before i decided to write a full sith years fic. saints by echos is the song, and again, we've got Sith years Revan and Malak here (yes yes i have a type), the vibes of losing faith and anger and it blends really well with how Revan basically played off being a legendary figure to the Republic to fuel their war against it!

You were standing there like an angry god Counting out my sins just to cross them off Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust And that my blood couldn't keep you

My dear, you're not so innocent You're fooling Heaven's gates So you won't have to change You're no saint, you're no savior

mmmm okay the discord has informed me that ten (10) songs is the maximum i should do in one post so. i will only do four more. chrysalis - the last breath by delain is yet another Sith Revan and Malak song and honestly you can read it as a response to the song above, if you think of saints from Malak's pov and chrysalis from Revan's, they mesh really well together.

Hey, are you still mad? About the time We almost went too far I know your regrets In my defense; By now, it's just a scar That distracts you from Your broken heart Like you wanted it to do How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go of you I will try Until my last breath How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go I promise I will fight

next! for a complete change of pace, i have a revastila song for you - warrior by beth crowley. it somehow manages to capture exactly the dynamic i think of in my head when i think about Bastila, the uncertainty, the forbiddeness of it, but the way Revan ultimately strengthens her and she strengthens Revan

You fascinated me Cloaked in shadows and secrecy The beauty of a broken angel

I ventured carefully Afraid of what you thought I'd be But pretty soon, I was entangled

You take me by the hand I question who I am

uhhhhhh i am desperately trying to think of songs that aren't just about Revan but instead here i am with another Mandalorian Wars Revan song, what did we know by rachel rose mitchell! this song was introduced to me by the same friend who sent me oblivion, and it really captures the fall of the Mandalorian wars incredibly well imo - the way it started with righteousness but ended in pain (compassion leading to destruction and that's a ramble i'm not going on here either), and there's this line in there that i'm not including in my snippet that's what scares me more than anything / if we could choose the past / we'd probably choose the same and it's like. yes! that's it! i'm going to once again go insane over the scene in the Korriban tomb in kotor 2!!! knowing the price.... would you choose to do it all again........ aaaaaaaa

It's been so long since we began. It seems so long ago That in the name of loyalty We started on our own. Answering the call of a house we once called home, We knew that we were right. What did we know?

We swore that we understood this wasn't a game, But somehow we found ourselves fanning the flames. Those who cautioned and abandoned us, they were the same. I saw them turn away.

the final song i'm doing is the song i used when i wrote the Betrayal scene from Malak's pov, the little things give you away by linkin park. this one just. it vibes, it vibes hard, goes really into the actual grief of betrayal, and also has a super epic instrumental solo so there's that. as usual, lyric snippet:

Don't want to reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you The little things give you away But now there will be no mistaking The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet under water, I do

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet underground now I Now I do

god okay now that you're completely overwhelmed and never want to talk to me again....... i should've probably put this under a readmore but eh. thanks for the ask!

#asked and answered #my revan playlist #there is literally so much music on here #i make up animatics in my head so #you sent this ask in and i sent it to the discord like #what's up i'm about to overwhelm this poor person who just started following me #please don't regret interacting with me #oh i should probably tag this as #long post

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acaciapines · 3 years ago

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Hi :) Happy boxing day

Please... Excuse yesterday's incoherency... My big sibling snuck whiskey into my specifically non-alcoholic eggnog... I'm very cross with them right now...

Also i found. New songs for kris. Behold:

Chateau - Angus & Julia Stone

Over the River - Pentatonix (ft. Lindsey Stirling)

Something Wild - Lindsey Stirling (ft. Andrew McMahon)

Wild Ones - Alessia Cara

A Good Song Never Dies - SAINT MOTEL

The Real World - Owl City

Also this one I think qualifies for all the kids frankly, Dess and Azzy and even Susie included:

Growing Pains - Alessia Cara (Radio version) (though the original cut off version could be Dess')

Hope everyone is doing well! Gal says hi:) Please remember to eat + drink something, take care of yourselves & each other, and have a phenomenal day! This has been a Daily Interaction Ask!

kjgjkfg oj no. glad youre okay now!

and YEAH SONGS truly i love hearing songs and going 'ah yes. that ones a kris one <3' the other day me and charm at the same time after hearing a song just yelled KRIS/CHARA and then spent like 20 minutes debating who the song fit better (charm won that one. its now a chara song).

and all of these songs. so good! they all have those kris vibes of like...loving ur friends but also kinda being just a tad lost in the world. the real world is actually on my own playlist but i never thought of how it does work real well as a kris song...its about loving the dark world more than the light world <3

and! as i did with ur last song-based ask i will now offer you some of my own kris songs.

be nice to me - the front bottoms: all i can say about this one is a heard and went 'wait. wait a sec. kris and noelle song.' idk its about 'there is very little left of me and it's never coming back' and how its very much like--these two kids who grew apart after dess left but now theyre trying to be friends again when they're not the same people and kinda need to learn the other all over again.

vagabond - wild: this one is a 'hi im kris and idk who the fuck i am' song bc. that kid truly is doing their best and that's hard sometimes. but the lines 'just tell me where do i belong? / tell me where to go from here so i / can rewrite all my wrongs' is just. that's my kris <3

this is home - cavetown: this one is actually a sneak peak at my big final deltarune fic bc i did accidentally script out an animatic in my head </3 but it fits kris's emotional arc in the fic super well and if i had the ability to draw well enough i would 100% make it.

you guys have a great day too!

#daily interaction ask #deltarune #love associating music with things u like #it really makes the experience better #bc then you have just so many idea for animatics #that are so wildly out of your skill level #but god if i dont think about them

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mokkemusic · 3 years ago

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I posted 836 times in 2021

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For every post I created, I reblogged 9.3 posts.

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#support but i’m just so stressed and so drained i can’t keep up always and then i feel so guilty and just asfdhfhgjhj i love all my friends

My Top Posts in 2021

“I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to make you cry.”🌸

- Toilet Bound Hanako Kun (The confession tree🌳)

104 notes • Posted 2021-03-14 21:49:24 GMT

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105 notes • Posted 2021-02-14 18:11:22 GMT

AidaIro’s au’s are really Nene’s stories

I want to share something I always thought about regarding AidaIro’s Hanako au’s (ghost hotel, hoto, playing cards etc) I was talking out my ideas with Cat and Hope and by doing so I have something cohesive to share.

In my head I can actually imagine Nene being the one to come up with all these au’s cause she’s so creative and in her own fantasy world sometimes. She loves romantic things but also loves odd and dark things so I could see the au’s fitting that.

(That’s @thehopeelias art btw that she did for a Tiny Light cover/animatic we collabed together on here)

Monster Nursery

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129 notes • Posted 2021-05-16 00:02:26 GMT

Hanako admitting to himself what he truly wants

So we all remember the parallels from the Clock Keepers Arc to Picture Perfect right? Hanako realizing that for the first time ever there’s someone in his life that makes him care about who lives and who dies. Something precious enough to him that he wants to have a future unlike himself.

“I don’t know what you think of me kid... But i’m already dead. So if someone else is going to live or die... It makes no difference to me.”

“It shouldn’t have made a difference... If you were doomed to die. I didn’t think I’d care... one way or the other, but... I want you to live, Yashiro...”

But now... can we talk about this in ch 58 for a second

He can’t go the moon with her. He can’t be with her and at this point right here he doesn’t even contemplate the idea at all if he could stay with her. He doesn’t even voice internally this is what he wants. He instead apologizes to her internally like he rejected her wants because he can't even ever entertain the idea that this will last. He knows it won't and he’s set in that belief acknowledging nothing else but the fact that he will grant Yashiro’s wish and extend her lifespan somehow.

Now let’s talk about ch 71

Hanako knows that the severance is happening and he’s gonna be separated from her. But in this moment now he does voice to himself what he truly wants! He does entertain the idea of going to the moon with Yashiro (continuing to be with her) He doesn’t want this!

He now cares so much that he want’s to think about what a future with Yashiro would be like right when it’s all falling apart (literally). But we don’t talk about this growth. He doesn’t see himself as someone who deserves a future, he’s dead, he’s a murder and so on... BUT that doesn't stop him right now from admitting to himself this is what he wants. Cause he found something in this universe that is worth desiring this anyway.

And maybe it's just me who feels this way but for someone with as much self hated as Hanako, that is a huge step. Cause he’s clinging to the one thing that makes him forget about all that in this very moment and admiting this might be a reason to fight to get back to even this limbo if he could.

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133 notes • Posted 2021-04-07 20:59:23 GMT

Lily (DMLD) and Playing Cards AU Nene

I was reading Dear My Living Dead yesterday with @thehopeelias and found some interesting things.

The parallels between Hanako and Nene and Lily and Karuto are obvious givens but there’s some other things as well.

For example Playing Card (Royal AU) Nene and her background.

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140 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 15:26:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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batsandbugs · 4 years ago

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Damian Wayne x Marinette Dupain-Cheng Playlist - Part 1

(As always the pictures aren’t mine!)

So I love music playlists, I have one for almost every OTP, holiday, or mood. When I found out we didn’t have a Daminette playlist post, I had to put one together. Starting out at pre established playlists for the two did little to help, because their universes are very different and they’re personalities do not lend to overlap within a song only about one or the other. But after some searching I found several that I thought fit well. These are only my opinions though. 😊

I would love if you left recommendations for a Part 2!

Can You Feel the Love Tonight - Pentatonix

I utterly fell in love with this song the second I heard it. I love most of their songs and covers because they’re such a creative group. I got into Daminette and this song just clicked for those two. This was actually the first song for the playlist!

Drama Club - Melanie Martinez

Okay so this is less a Daminette song and more of a salt song against The Class from Marinette’s perspective. But like since half of the Daminette stuff is salt in one form or another I feel justified putting it on here. Recommended to me by @tiny-goddess-of-chaos

Angel - Jack Johnson

I love Jack Johnson and could listen to his stuff for hours. This song is sweet, short, and I figure is a sappy inner monologue of Damian’s in the morning or something. It mentions angels, heroes, and soulmates - literally the perfect Daminette song.

Falling - Trevor Daniel

Another recommendation by @tiny-goddess-of-chaos this could be perfect from either Damian or Marinette’s perspective if either of them had been in a relationship before.

How Do You Talk To An Angel - The Heights

I think any song with angel in the lyrics or title is self explanatory for this pairing 😅 But I love the mood of this song; it fits Damian’s cluelessness at how to deal with a girl who’s not quite intimidated by him and at the same time totally able to keep up with him - how to talk to a angel indeed.

Taking Chances - Celine Dione (Glee Cover)

Okay so I found this song and I didn’t like the Céline Dion version, but I loved the Glee version. I know, Glee? Really? But hear me out, the song is perfect for Damian and Marinette; “don’t know much about your life, don’t know much about your world” and “what do you say to jumping off the edge, never knowing if there’s solid ground below, a hand to hold, or he’ll to pay” trust me it’s perfect! And Lea Michele does a great job singing and the chorus towards the end is too pretty for words! 🥰

I Choose - Alessia Cara

Okay this is another one from @tiny-goddess-of-chaos and oh my gosh it’s soooo PERFECT! You could just imagine Marinette singing it to Damian. It fits them so well!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding

This is just a good song from Marinette’s perspective and it’s a little darker than your average love song which just fits better.

Lucky Ones - Lana Del Rey

Oh my gosh this song is too perfect for these two. I saw the lyrics and was immediately sold and then I saw it was by Lana Del Rey which means that it had that beautiful haunting sound her songs have which is the perfect aesthetic for these two. The best line is “every now and then the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great design” and it just sends shivers down my spine.

Superheroes - The Script

I mean, pretty self explanatory, but still such a good song and the imagery really fits with Damian and Marinette. They really have to be stronger in order to be heroes and I feel like this song synthesizes that for these two.

When the Day Met the Night - Panic at the Disco

Everything about this song is perfect for Damian and Marinette; the lyrics, the imagery, the tune, the mood - just perfect. “Just hanging around and he fell in love, and he didn’t know how to get out.” Uh, if that’s not our poor assassin boy right there I don’t know what is. 😁

Angels or Devils - Dishwalla

Such a great song from Damian’s perspective. Perfect for imagining both of them going through a hard time and supporting each other through it. Plus the language is perfect imagery for them.

Lucky - Jason Mraz

One of the few duet songs I found for this pairing (I’ll need some more part two) Two lovers pining for each other across the sea? Daminette for sure 😊

Luck Be a Lady Tonight - Frank Sinatra

Classy and fancy, with such a perfect Marinette vibe. It makes me think of all the galas/balls/fundraisers in all the fics that I had to include it.

Can’t Help Falling In Love - Pentatonix Version

Have I mentioned that I love Pentatonix, because I really do. Their version of this song is so epic, and it just really fits these two.

Heroes (we could be) - Alesso

I think this song rally hits the superhero/vigilante side of their personalities even better than Superheroes by the Script. It really hits on the difficulties of being a hero and the call to be a hero - which is so big for both of them.

Lucky Strike - Maroon 5

Such a fun song to listen to and absolutely perfect for Marinette!

Angel - Aerosmith

Any good playlist should have some old fashioned rock and roll! 🎸 This song is beyond perfect lyrics wise for these two! I’m imagining all the Damian perspective songs are being passionately sung in his head while he only scoffs aloud. Any telepath in the room is going to hear a never ending stream of gush! 🥰

As Long As Your Mine - Wicked

The one other duet song on here, and the only one from musical theatre which is insane, so I’ll be combing for more for part two. This one was recommended to me by @salty-fang so thanks for that! It’s Wicked, so what more than I could say than its perfect!

Lovebug - Jonas Brothers

Oh my gosh I’m jumping all over the past several decades for material 😅 I actually really like some of the old Jonas brothers stuff and this song was too perfect not too add. It’s so sweet.

Safe and Sound - Capital Cities

Another recommendation from @tiny-goddess-of-chaos a really fun sing with a total Daminette vibe.

Stand by You - Rachel Platten

I love this song and as soon as I was putting together a playlist for these two it was inevitable that it ended up on there. It’s such a great song about standing together and get through hard times and the imagery is perfect for this couple.

Fools - Lauren Aquilina

I have the animatic in my head for this song because it’s just that perfect for Daminette. It’s haunting in that same way Lana Del Rey’s stuff is. Absolutely stunning!

Angel in Blue Jeans - Train

Okay, I love the beat and rythm in this song. And the lyrics are so perfect! I could also see this as a Jasonette song, but either way great fit for this fandom!

Alright I’d love to hear what y’all think! Please leave any recommendations you think would fit for these two!!

😇♥️😈

#damian x marinette #maribat #maridami #ml x dc #mlb crossover #moodboard #playlist #damimari #marinnette dupain cheng x damian wayne #daminette

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