#first time flying and staying in a foreign country on my own

[you-will-return]

Girlies, we've made it

[hansensgirl]

🪽— 𝐒𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐱

summary. | Steve Rogers is a good man. You’re a good woman. Emotional affairs are harder than they seem.

pairings. | Steve Rogers x fem!reader, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter, fem!reader x OMC (brief), Peggy Carter x Daniel Sousa

warnings. | ANGST, light smut, allusions to sex, cheating, emotional affairs, pregnancy (not the reader), crying, bad family, sadness, age gap, power dynamics (boss x employee), Christmas, heavy petting, kissing, broken vase (accidentally), sadness, drinking, smoking, nightmares, mild argument, and more. 18+ MINORS DNI!

word count. | ~2.5k

author's note. | hi! i'm sort of back. i'm very sorry for my hiatus. here's a new fic! this is based on the lyrics from Phoebe Bridgers' Savior Complex, which is one of my favourite songs of all time. let me know what you think! taglist: @hansensfics. i might delete this one, but please don’t save it or upload it anywhere. thanks! MINORS DNI! 18+ ONLY!

He’s your boss. You work directly under him.

He isn’t bossy. Really, it’s an issue. Every time he gives you a task, he says ‘sorry’ first and finishes the order with another apology. You tell him he doesn’t have to apologize, but you’ve got the same problem as well. It’s always atonement for something you haven’t even done. You wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it hurt him.

Mr. Rogers is very nice. He has a secret office that he lets you stay in whenever you want. There’s a couch from one country and a desk from another. Each item is foreign in this room.

You’re always so tired, but he tells you to avoid caffeine. He gives you a blanket and tells you to lie down. You listen at first but can never relax. Not when you know he’ll be alone.

The honesty was a mistake at first. Mr. Rogers is so sensitive that he feels what you feel. He knows you so well that if something’s wrong, he’ll bother you until confession. You tell him almost anything, biting your tongue when you know you get too close to baring your entire soul.

The male friend of yours who keeps asking you out. The exams you study for to no avail. Your parents’ absence. Mr. Rogers—Steve, he insists—is a good listener and very wise. It makes sense. He’s much older than you and was on his own adventures when you were born.

The adventures are where he met his wife. Her name is Margaret, and she’s everything you aren’t. She’s headstrong and beautiful beyond words. She’s good with numbers and brilliant. She knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get them.

Peggy is a real keeper. The wedding rings on their fingers prove this well.

Nothing more than a few kisses and caresses have intertwined you and Steve. Nothing physical, at least.

You’re quiet around him. Never say anything more than a sentence. You shy away when your eyes met, especially if he says something sweet.

Words take up the space as you grow closer. Steve is particularly good with words, whereas you often stutter and blend words together.

And sometimes, there is complete silence. It’s contentful. He replies to emails, and you sort through the pile of mess in the corner.

You tell him your dreams, and he tells you the ones he’s already fulfilled. What he studied in school, his family, his friends, his favourite country he’s been to. Nothing about Peggy—neither of you can bear it.

Unless she’s done something that’s hurt his feelings—like when she swears she doesn’t talk to Daniel Sousa anymore, but he hears them calling late at night.

Sometimes, Steve talks for so long that it gets dark, and your shift is over. He pays you extra—or, at least, tries to. You never take the money because nothing was lost. You enjoy the little time you have with him.

He takes you home, wanting you to avoid walking down the street in the pitch-black evening.

His car is a mess—the same as his office. He apologizes sincerely and pushes everything in the front seat to the back. The directions consist of “take a left” and “keep going straight.” You assume he’ll forget it. You don’t know how much this means to him.

Steve stays parked outside your building when you rush to your room. You live on the bottom floor and are right by the entrance. You’re a movie’s heroine when you throw yourself on your bed and giggle, butterflies filling your stomach.

He is something. The scriptwriter has Steve’s dialogue under his name but with “CHARACTER: TBA” in parentheses. No one knows if the film will be completed. No one knows how it will end.

Mr. Rogers stays parked outside, forehead resting against his steering wheel, and he’s trying to get a hold of his nerves.

Eventually, he grabs his pack of cigarettes that he always hides from Peggy. She often reminds him of his mother—without the sagacity. She tells Steve what he should or shouldn’t do a lot. He hasn’t lived since he breathed you in.

He smokes with the windows up, tears flowing down his face because he knows this can’t happen. He cannot betray his wife, but he doesn’t want to hurt you.

Steve comes to you on a starry night. You can see the moon and something else twinkling through the trees, and he rings your doorbell.

When you open the door, he’s a large man cowering like a small child. He wants to cry—you can tell. His mouth is in a frown that won’t disappear, and his eyes are glassy.

He’s drunk when he practically falls on top of you. He is slurring apologies that you know are unnecessary. His breath smells of whiskey, and he’s very heavy. You’ve fantasized about him on top of you during restless sleeps, but not quite like this.

Somehow, you crawl out from underneath the older, married man. You know it would be fruitless to lift Steve up, so you drag him to your bedroom.

You keep the door to the bathroom open and bring a bucket as well. The water on your bedside table is his now, and so is the charger and landline. Anything he wants of yours, he can have. He doesn’t even have to ask.

It’s hard to sleep when the one you desire so profoundly is in your bed, sadder than he should be. He drifts off with ease, but he’s violent in his tossing and turning. He shines with sweat and tears, soaking your sheets with his scent. You’re not sure if you’ll wash them. It’s a nightmare you can’t rouse him from, one that you don’t dare to ask him about the next morning.

Steve must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed. It’s small, too small for his big being. Or maybe it’s his hangover—perhaps even hunger. You offer to make whatever, but he grumbles.

He’s not sure why he’s taking his disappointment out on you. He wasn’t trying to test you, but you should’ve turned him away. You should’ve told him to go back home to his wife with her expected child inside her womb, but you don’t know this terrible secret. If you did, it would tear you apart from the inside out. This, he knows, for sure.

Mr. Rogers doesn’t say much to you in the morning, drinking two cups of coffee and staring out the window. You sit across him, and he looks past your face—the very visage he can never seem to tear his eyes away from.

“You shouldn’t have let me stay,” he finally says.

“Why not?” you ask, “you came here yourself. I could never turn you away.”

“You need to. You need to go out and, I don’t know, spend time with boys your age. Boys who don’t have wives or girlfriends they won’t leave you for.”

You flinch as if he’s raised one of his gentle hands.

Steve sighs. “That’s not what I meant. I think the lines between us have blurred. We’re not doing the right thing here, honey.”

You can’t look up, can’t face him. You wish this wasn’t the topic. You wish he had told you about his dream instead, and you would have told him yours. The one where he leaves you, the one where he gets his happy ever after with Peggy, and you get nothing.

He gives you a kiss on the head and bids you goodbye. You’re happy you have a day off tomorrow.

It’s almost Christmas, about two weeks since the conversation. Steve tries to make things seem normal. Normal in the sense that he hasn’t made his employee fall hopelessly in love with him. Then, normal in the sense that Peggy doesn’t exist, and he can still keep you in his arms until a customer comes in.

You go on dates with your guy friend like Mr. Rogers has insisted, but they’re unfulfilling. He often prefers to stay home and rent a movie, followed by sloppy kisses and dry humping that is unsatisfactory for only you.

“You don’t have to go out with only him,” Steve reminds you one day. You’re in his lap and he’s just finished reading through his entire diary with you. Most pages are about the employee he’s infatuated with, few are about his wife.

“I know. I just don’t want anyone else but you,” you tell him.

Moments later, his mouth is on your neck and his hand is up your skirt. You’re just about to come when a delivery man walks in, calling your boss’ name.

The shop is closed for a week, and your father has invited you to visit him and his new family. Your step-sisters are older and runway-ready. They have wonderful jobs and husbands that aren’t seeing women younger than them.

It’s like a closed practice. An event you can only watch from afar. You have no place here, even if your stepmother cleaned the guest room for you. You book a new plane ticket so you can go home early. You don’t make an excuse because they don’t even ask why; they just bid you goodbye.

You land at a horrible hour. There are too many taxis that families need—families trying to have a nice, hurt-free holiday.

And so you call Steve, and he answers on the first ring.

“Hello?” he greets, and you can sense some kind of anxiety in his voice.

“Um, hi. Happy holidays,” you tell him, nervous beyond belief as well.

His voice is smooth like honey, crooning in your frost-bitten ear.

“Happy holidays, baby,” he says. Peggy isn’t nearby.

“Uh, I’m at the airport. I was with my dad’s family, but I left. I don’t know how to get home. All the taxis are taken up.”

“I’m on my way, okay? Just sit tight, sweetie.”

“Thank you,” you exhale, “thank you so much, Steve.”

“Anything for my girl.”

When he arrives, he finds a place to quickly park. He takes your sole suitcase out of your hands and presses a chaste kiss to your lips.

It’s sudden.

Mr. Rogers—your boss, a married man—is kissing you like you’re his only lover. Like he’s your boyfriend, and he’s missed you dearly.

You lean in for more, and he pulls away. Smiling, he opens the car door for you.

He takes the long way home, the ones with few cars driving alongside.

“I didn’t know you left,” he eventually says.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. It was a last-minute thing.”

“No, no. Don’t apologize. I went to your place to say ‘hi,’ but no one was home.”

“I should’ve told you. I really am sorry,” you profess.

Steve places a finger on your mouth, shushing you. His hand moves to cup your cheek, and you push your face further into his palm.

“Thank you for picking me up,” you whisper, looking at him intently.

“I’m glad you called me. I missed you. I would do anything for you.”

You say nothing to that. You turn the radio on and the last song is one you recommended to him. You both hum the lyrics until it ends, and he turns it off.

“I always enjoy it when you drive me,” you confess after a while.

“Oh yeah? Why?” he smiles.

“You’re careful. You don’t go too fast or slow. You know what you’re doing. You’re such a pro at it,” you explain, slightly self-conscious of your reasoning.

“That all?” Steve teases, raising his eyebrows.

“Hm… No… I love your hands.” You giggle.

“Yeah? I know you do, baby. Always starin’ at them. I bet you think of them touching you all the time,” he rasps, briefly letting go of the wheel to rub at his beard.

You squeeze your thighs, mind already turning with scenarios where Steve touches you like a starved man.

His hand on your face moves back to your mouth, thumb swiping your bottom lip before pushing in. You suck on the digit, giving it the treatment you would to his cock. When you reach out to touch him, the car suddenly halts.

He stops on the side of the road, eyes watering. Regret etches his features, and you know what’s to come.

“We can’t,” Steve says, pulling his finger out. “Not yet, at least.”

“I know” is all you have to give.

Peggy visits the store in early March. Underneath her shirt is a small baby bump.

When you see it, your heart stops.

Steve brushes past you to lead her away, examining your face for hurt. You’re behind the shelves and watch the couple, your mouth parted with your eyes threatening to leak. You turn and head towards the back, choosing to hide somewhere so you can fall apart in solitude.

Mr. Rogers watches as you leave. He wishes you would look back and give him something, anything. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to hurt you this way. But he did, and he will try to make it right.

Peggy leaves eventually, and Steve closes the store early. He searches for you, listening for a sniffle or movement.

You sit on the floor, a broken vase next to you. He quickly nudges the debris away so you don’t get hurt.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he says, looking down at you. You look up, eyes bloodshot, and you stare at him with something he can’t place. He envelopes you in a hug, and you can feel his erratic heart clamouring against your face.

“Come with me to the office, please,” Steve begs.

You shake your head.

“You ask too much of me, Steve. You have a wife and an innocent child on the way. We can’t keep doing this.”

“No, no. Please, just come. Please, honey,” he pleads once more. “At least hit me, yell at me, tell me to go fuck myself.”

“Why would I? I’m happy for you. You’re getting what you’ve always wanted.” Your voice cracks, and you force a smile. Steve sees through it all.

“No. I want you—I love you. But I don’t have you, do I? Listen, I’ll leave her. I’ll still be a good father, even though I know that’s not my kid at all. We’ll go elsewhere. Move into a nice home and do whatever we want,” he rambles.

Strong Mr. Rogers breaks apart in front of you. You take him into your arms, and you both cry together.

You’re the one that leads him to his office. You sit on the couch with him and notice that his wedding band is gone. He always wears it when Peggy comes by, but he didn’t this time.

“That night you took me in—I dreamt of you. I dreamt you weren’t mine, and you didn’t love me anymore. I messed something up and didn’t fix it. It was the worst nightmare I’ve ever had,” Steve admits.

You don’t say anything. As much as the whole ordeal hurts you, as terrible as what you’ve done to a woman and her child, you can’t let Steve go. Neither can he. It’ll have to end someday, just not now. Not yet.

[chroniclesofbts]

Call Me Home Part 1

A lot of time skips to start off the story and give background about the reader.

Idol hybrid BTS x hybrid foreigner reader

Warnings: sedative use, relocation against the readers will, implied sexual themes

It was storming outside when the announcement was made, blaring over the emergency speakers.

“All hybrids are required to enter Hybrids Centers to become independent. All hybrids must adhere to the rules set up by the centers, or they risk becoming strays. It is now Illegal to own hybrids in any capacity. Hybrids found on the streets will still be picked up by Hybrid Control and taken in for assessment. Hybrids will receive funds by the state, jobs, and housing upon existing of the Hybrid Centers. This begins now”

All of the humans were staring at me, I had no owner and they knew that. I was abandoned last month by my previous owner for scratching a “client”. I had avoided being taken in, until now. I stare at the large van pulled off to the side of the road as Hybrid Control exists. I follow without a fight, fighting would ensure I was put down. As much as I want to have hope of becoming independent, there has to be a catch. Even Hybrid idols are owned by someone, typically the company chairs. We pulled up to an airport, the man in the front seat holding my file. A picture of me in human and animal form plastered on the front.

“We have arrived, let’s get this over with. I don’t know why our strays get the chance to be independent” he sneers, “at least they aren’t staying in our country”

I’m flying to another country? I begin to panic, looking for a way out of the situation. Suddenly, I feel a prick to my neck, turn to see a long pole holding a syringe empty now of sedatives. My eyes start to feel heavy, the sedative taking full effect.

“Good luck, kid. You’ll need it where you’re going, they have way more rules.” A woman said, tying my hands together. The last thing I see is a cage being unloaded from the plane.

*Time skip*

When I wake I’m in a white room, with a small bed and bathroom. I’m in a my animal form, the sedative must have forced my shift. They also must have bathed me while I was unconscious, my fur is now soft and smells like soap. I curl further into myself, hearing footsteps outside. There’s a knock on the door, and a tall man enters.

“Hello, my name is Choi, welcome to South Korea” he speaks in English, “you will begin classes on language and culture tomorrow, take the rest of the day to settle. Once you pass your classes, you can move on to the next facility where you will be joined by our countries hybrids. America started their adjustments first, we have ours scheduled for the end of the year. This will give you plenty of time to learn the language and why you are here.” He bowed, then left, shutting the door softly.

I think back on how hard it was to adjust to a new culture, learn a new language, and train on how to be a part of a pack. In South Korea, the way to earn independence is through a pack. They taught the foreigners all of the steps for becoming a pack, as a way to prove we are a bonded pack before they release us. We will be brought to the new facility where their hybrid packs are, the ones that are under 8 hybrids. That’s another catch, packs have to be 8-10 people. Rumor has it that packs satisfying the 8-10 can still participate by choice to expand their packs, and those over 10 have to be separated.

I’m pulled from my thoughts as the vehicle comes to a stop. Each hybrid given a pill to increase our chances to find our pack. It brings our animals to be more in control, allowing for our mates to identify us by smell, touch, or eye contact. I am lead to a room with tables and chairs, I walk to the back of the room and take a seat.

"Good morning, my name is San and I am going to explain a few things before we let the packs begin their search. First rule, you do not get up or call out to any pack members that enter. Second, you do not get to choose your pack, the first 2 weeks are for them to choose you. If you are chosen, you must stay with that pack. You are the outcasts of your countries, don't become the outcasts of ours. We won't keep you. Finally, if you are chosen by a pack, they are responsible for you in all aspects. You mess up, you are punished as your pack sees fit. You only become independent through your packs, foreigners do not have the same rights in South Korea." He finishes, headed towards the door and opening it.

I drop my eyes to the table and lean back into the chair. As time passes, I think I am in the clear, until someone pulls the chair our in front of me and sits down. I swallow, and take a deep breath, waiting for them to speak.

"Won't you look at me, little doe" The voice asked, I look up in shock, wondering how he knew. Looking up was a mistake, as soon as my eyes locked on his, they changed to gold. He was my mate, and by the marks on his neck, he had others. He smiled and stood, holding his hand out to me, raising his eyebrow daring me to reject it. I stood up, looking around and seeing that I am the first one to leave the room.

"We got your profiles 3 weeks ago, that's how I knew you were a doe. A Melantistic Deer, quite rare" He said, grabbing my hand creating sparks to travel up my arm. I take a good look at him while he leads me down hallway after hallway. His ears sticking off of his head and tail coloring tell me he is a predator, a rare one. We arrive in front of a guarded door, the guards bow and let us pass.

"She can come and go as she pleases, no one else" he addresses the guards. They nod and give him a final bow before closing us in what appears to be a living room. As soon as the door clicked shut, footsteps came running our way.

"You found her!" A man with orange ears exclaimed, "My name is Jungkook, this is Taehyung" he says pointing to a man with ears similar to Jimin's, "I am a Red Panda, Taehyung is a Racing Stripped Cheetah, and Jimin is an Ocelot"

"I'm Seokjin but I go by Jin, a Dhole and this is Namjoon, a Golden Tiger" Jin said, Namjoon giving me a small smile and a wave.

"I'm Yoongi, a Melantistic Fox" He said, "I will say, I didn't expect to see another Melantistic Hybrid, especially one who was a stray."

"Well, you clearly don't know who we are, so before someone else tells you..."

"Hello, we are BTS" They chant together. You furrow your eyebrows before remembering that there was a chance of encountering idols in the facility.

"Oh" You start, "idols?"

"Is that a problem?" Yoongi questions

"I don't know much about Korean Idols, so if you're expecting me to freak out, you're going to be disappointed." I confess

"We prefer it this way, lets us get to know each other at the same time" Jimin said.

"However, we are expected to be independent by the end of the week" Namjoon say with a grimace.

"So, we have to be fully bonded?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"Yes, but only to two members, the rest can be finished by the end of the month. Our company believes it's best to slowly introduce you to our fans." Namjoon confirm.

"But for today, we are going to just get to know you, no pressure to bond. Take it slow." Jin says

"Unfortunately, I give it 24 hours before the pill they made us take wears off and I am thrown into heat." I share, remembering what the guards were discussing when I entered. "They were talking about it in English when we walked in, how if no one finds a pack the first day that the scent of a heat will force people to choose." As soon as I finish speaking, Jimin leans in, pressing his nose to the column of my throat. Looking up at the rest in worry, confirming what I said.

"Which means we will go into our ruts..." Jungkook trails off.

"Which means we need to prepare" Jin says, beginning to panic.

[baby-alien11]

Monaco Grand Prix (Y/N Ulrich Universe)

A/N: I've been working on this chapter for like more than two months, and I'm so excited to finally share it with all of you, ngl this might be as long as the race, so get comfortable, grab a snack and a drink and enjoy

taglist (open): @volturi-girl-imagines @dessxoxsworld @camiesully @ethanlandryluver @nowitsmissing @aliciacat20 @gabbylovesreading @nikfigueiredo @itsaaliyah2 @callsignwidow

Two moths after the nepo babies interview, and a lot of calls with Max and Kelly (and sometimes Penelope) to coordinate the trip, the time to fly to Monaco for the Grand Prix had arrived

At first, the plan was take a flight to Monaco and stay in one of the hotels, but during one of the calls Max and Kelly mentioned that the country was a chaos during that week, so you and Jack will be travelling in Max's private plane and staying in their penthouse during the whole trip, which your parents also agreed because they prefered to both of you stay with people you knew instead of being alone in a hotel of a country across the sea

Thankfully, both of your schedules were clean for that week and the next, so the days before the travel consisted on checking passports, packing the suitcases, watching the Imola race, and since Max and Kelly mentioned that they organized a dinner/party for your birthday, both of you also packed nicer clothes

When the day to travel arrived, you got dressed in a black romper, your 1989 cardigan and your white Nike Air Force 1, while Jack got dressed in a light pink short-sleeved t-shirt, black cargo shorts, black sneakers and one of the Red Bull hats that Max gifted

Knowing the approximate time when the plane would land, both of you along with your families waited in the LA private hangar

"Okay guys, let's go by the rules again", Skeet said standing in front of all of you, "Always send us a text saying where you are or where you are going, stay close with Max and Kelly, you are going to a foreign country across the sea so also stay close to each other, we already have the middle hours for the calls, and the most important thing, please, ask Logan Sargeant for an autograph, please"

"And also have fun", Anna added, "Understood?"

"Yes", you and Jack nodded

"Dude, I feel that if dad could, he would had his own F1 team just to have Logan as a driver", Jakob commented

"Because it's true, or a NASCAR seat", Naiia responded, "But if they didn't let Andretti enter, dad is more far"

"Maybe he'll invest in a team", Jack suggested

"Like Alpine", you added, "But speaking seriously, someone needs to take Pierre and Esteban out of that team asap"

Being notified that the plane was about to land, some personal took your suitcase and Jack's suitcase, and grabbing your travel bags, the box that contained a gift for Penelope and baby dragon Jake, they took all of you to the hangar to get on the plane

Stopping a few metters in front of the red and black jet, all of you got out of the van along with your things

"I swear if that door opens and I hear the dutch national anthem I'll cry and kill myself", Jakob declared

"And I'm the dramatic", you snorted, "I'm not bringing you anything from Monaco"

"Don't worry, my man Jack has me covered", Jakob shrudded, "Right, Jack?"

"Well see", Jack joked

A few minutes later, the door of the airplane openned and Max stepped out from it, to greet you and Jack and introducing himself with the rest, before standing with the older adults to talk while the stewards took the suitcases to the plane

"First of all, I have to thank you for letting them go to Monaco", Max said to the adults, "I know it's a big trip and specially with people they only knew once and talked on the phone"

"Well, it's not the first trip they go on their own, but the first outside of America, so we're happy that they know some people", Skeet said

"Also, here's my phone number, along with my girlfriend's, and also my performance coach, and our emails, in case of an emergency", Max added giving a paper with the information to Anna so both parents could have it, "And there's also the dinner after the race, which is more like a private party with the drivers, reserve drivers and our couples"

"As long as they're safe and have fun, everything will be alright", Anna assured

Saying goodbye to everyone the three of you entered the plane, greeting the other drivers in there and sitting in the avaliable seats; once the plane took off and the turbulance ended, a steward gave you and Jack flutes with champagne

"First of all, happy birthday Y/N, even if it was two weeks ago, and Jack it's so great to see you in person, well both of you and not only on a screen", Max said sitting in front of both of you

"It was your birthday?", Charles asked at what you nodded, "Congratulations, when it's yours?"

"November 16", Jack answered

"Just in time for Las Vegas", Carlos mentioned, "You're coming to that race, right?"

"Dude, chill out, it's their first Grand Prix", Max laughed, "And I'm going to guess not the first race in general?"

"I've been going to NASCAR races since I was a kid because of my grandpa and uncle, so no", you responded

"And I started going since we started dating", Jack added

"What about hot laps?", Charles asked

"I hate them, they're the worst, I preffer to be the first victim in a slasher", you declared, "There's this tradition with my siblings and grandpa and uncle of doing them at fifteen and eighteen, I did one with my grandpa when I was fifteen, and it was nice, kinda relaxed, and then when I turned eighteen, I did it with my uncle and it was like hell, Jack here got the same treatment"

"It was while we were on the actors strike, and I mean, I was in a movie where I was in a car almost all the time, so there wasn't a lot of difference", Jack said, "But it still was a different sensation"

"I have a question", Daniel raised his hand, "The hot laps were before or after the messages?"

That comment was enough to make everyone of you laugh for a few minutes, until it died with everyone still smilling

"It was after", you responded, "And it became the joke of the family"

"Dude, how did she tell you about the messages?", Carlos asked, "I forgot to ask that when we met"

"We were like in the stage of flirting and we had like four dates at that moment, and during one weekend during filming, she invited me to watch a race, I think it was Silverstone", Jack explained turning to look at you for confirmation at what you nodded

"That's the race I won", Carlos exclaimed

"Amazing race, that's how I started to like Formula 1", Jack continued, "And we were watching it, I mentioned that Lando was a good driver, and she mentioned the texts"

"What was your reaction when you saw them?", Charles questioned

"I laughed for like five minutes, maybe more, then I read them again and died of cringe"

"Don't worry, we all did when we saw them", Daniel said, "At this point we all read the messages, but Lando doesn't know that we know, and I was his teammate during 2022 and I didn't knew until now"

"I think he didn't tell anyone, no one of us knew anything", Charles exclaimed, "Probably Max Fewtrell was the only one who knew"

"It's going to be a fun weekend", Max laughed

"Smells like money and luxury", was the first thing you said stepping out the plane once it arrived in Monaco

"And no taxes", Jack added, "Like the perfect place to live"

"Absolutely", you nodded

After talking during most part of the flight and then eating (which included Charles ice cream), the other part of the flight consisted on everyone sleeping, waking up minutes before landing in the private hangar, where a few vans were waiting for the arrival

Once everyone was on their designated vans, they started their way to their different paths; during the whole trip, you and Jack stared at the window watching the city, and the sunset that was happening due to the hour, also sending messages to let know your families you've arrived with some photos and videos, without posting anything on social media to don't ruin the surprise

Arriving at the apartment complex, the three of you got out of the vehicule along with the chauffer who helped with the baggage, and once you had everything, the three of you entered the building with Max leading the way and entering the elevator that stopped in the last floor in a fancy and homey penthouse

"Girls, we're home", Max exclaimed entering with both you following behind

"Maxie!", a little girl voice, Penelope, exclaimed running towards Max, "I missed you"

"Hi P", Max smiled at the little girl hugging her, "I missed you too"

"Hello", Kelly greeted hugging Max for a few seconds before separating to see both of you, "I can't believe you're already here"

For the next minutes, the only thing that was heard was small talking between the six of you followed by a small tour for the apartment

"And this is your room", Kelly said opening a door revealing a kinda big and cozy room, "The door next to the wardrobe is the bathroom, our room is at the end of the hallway, and P's in front of yours, we hope that you like it"

"It's perfect, thank you", Jack said

"Also thank you for letting us stay here", you added entering the room

"Well, we weren't going to let you on your own in a whole different country", Max mentioned, "Specially in race weekend"

"And feel free to ask if you need anything, we want you to be the most comfortable in your time here", Kelly said, "Make yourself comfortables, we'll be in the kitchen prepearing dinner"

Nodding, both of you put the travel bags and baby dragon Jake on the bed and the suitcases on the floor to unpack some things, also taking off your shoes and cardigan, and Jack also his shoes and hat

"I can't believe we are in Monaco", you smiled putting your jacket for the race and the dress for the dinner after on the closet, "It feels surreal, you know?"

"Yeah, like seeing it in movies, series, or the races, and now we are here", Jack nodded, "And also we're going to the race"

"And we are friends with the drivers, I can't believe this is our life"

"Me neither, but I'm glad we can do it together"

"Me too"

The next minutes consisted on organizing your stuff, such as some clothes and shoes on the wardrobe and purses on the small table, along with things on the bathroom including your whole Dyson Airwrap, being joined by Jimmy and Sassy at some point noticing them when seeing them laying on the bed

Once everything was in order, each of you took one of the cats in arms and walk towards the kitchen where the couple was preparing the dinner while Penelope was sitting in the living room with a coloring book

"You found Jimmy and Sassy", Max mentioned seeing how both of you left the cats in their tower

"Yeah, they entered while we were organizing our things", Jack nodded, "Do you need help with anything?"

"We're good at the moment, but thank you", Max responded

"Why don't you go with P while we finish?", Kelly suggested, "We'll let you know when dinner is ready"

Accepting the suggestion, both of you walked to the living room where the little girl was sitting in front of the center table with her coloring book and supplies

"Hi P, do you mind if we sit with you?", you asked her, at what she nodded, causing that both of you to take a seat at her sides, "What are you coloring?"

"A unicorn", Penelope answered passing you and Jack sheets with printed draws so both of you can draw with her, "I really love them, they are cute"

"And also magical", Jack mentioned grabbing a color pencil to start coloring the butterfly in front of him

"Have you seen one?", Penelope asked with impression

"Not yet, but I sometimes travel to another planet where there a lot of fantastic animals and amazing places", Jack said reffering to Pandora, "Do you want to see some pictures?"

With the little girl nodding, Jack got his phone out to show her some photos he had of concept arts and stills of the movies, while you watched with a smile without stopping to color the printed teddy bear that she gave you

"It's beautiful", Penelope gasped seeing the pictures before turning to look at you, "Have you been there?"

"I have", you nodded, "It's a magical place"

"What is your favorite animal in there?", that question was aimed for the both of you

"Well, I personally love the ikrans, which are this beautiful flying creatures that have different colors", you explained to her

"Mines are the tulkuns, they are like the whales cousins that swam in the Pandora reefs", Jack then explained

"How can we go there?"

"Unfortunately Pandora is a planet way away from us, but there's a small part on this planet", you said reffering to the themed park in Florida

"Kids, dinner's ready", Max exclaimed, "Go wash your hands"

While Penelope went running to the bathroom, both of you followed her not before sending him dirty looks

"P, have you seen Ice Age?", you asked her

After a nice and homemade dinner, the tiredness after a long trip made his consequences because after saying goodnight and changing into pajamas, both of you fell asleep hard, even turning off the alarm when it sounded in the morning, but the peace didn't last long because soon enough, Penelope entered the room to get on the bed and start jumping

"Wake up, wake up, breakfast is ready", the little girl exclaimed jumping a bit more before stopping and getting down to leave

"So that's how Jakob and Naiia felt when I used to do the same", you sighed, "Good morning babe"

"Good morning gorgeous, did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I have a bit of jetlag, but I'll be good when I drink coffee", you yawned rubbing your eye your one hand while the other was still holding baby dragon Jake, "What about you?"

"Same as you, might need a Red Bull as well"

"My love, we're going to drink that the whole weekend"

Finally getting out of bed and doing the usual morning routines, both of you walked in direction of the kitchen, stopping abruptly when you saw who was sitting next to Penelope

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw", you murmured being careful that Penelope didn't heard the bad word

Hearing your voice, the person turn around to see you and Jack standing next to each other a few metters behind

"Nope, I'm not doing this", Lando said taking the plate with food and standing up from the counter to walk to the door

"Dude, that's not your plate", Max exclaimed

"I'll return it later", Lando exclaimed back before closing the door

"That was awkward", Kelly commented, "Anyways, breakfast is ready, come on"

Aproaching the kitchen and saying good morning both of you grabbed from the breakfast made and sit on the counter to eat with them

After finishing breakfast, Max had to go to a Red Bull meeting regarding the race weekend, which left the four of you in the penthouse, and since Penelope decided that you and Jack will be her favorite people during the weekend, she decided to play 'beauty salon' with both of you, which ended with Jack with colorful hairclips on his curly hair and you with colored hair extensions with bows in all your head, P also decided to color on your tattoo with washable markers since she said it looked sad, so now it was pink and glittery purple

So after she finished with the hairstyles, you were doing a hairstyle in her, while the three of you were watching 'Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses', and Kelly was in the office attending a job call

When the movie was at the climax, and P's princess hairstyle was done, the front door opened revealing Lando again who first went to the kitchen to leave the plate he took earlier, and then to the living room with two boxes in his arms

"I just want to say sorry for those messages two years ago, I still feel embarrased about them, and I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable with them", Lando started to talk

"More like cringe", you interrupted

"Yeah, also that", Lando sighed giving you and Jack the boxes with the Quadrant logo, "Again, I'm really sorry, you are a wonderful girl, I'm happy that both of you are together, anyways, here is Quadrant and McLaren merch for both of you, bye"

Finishing that phrase, he left the penthouse without saying another word

"What was that?", Penelope asked

"I don't know, sweetpea", you responded

"It was weirder than the messages", Jack commented at what you nodded

During the days previous to the race, which were media, practices and qualifying, Kelly and Penelope took the both of you to different places of Monaco, such as museums, shopping in different stores (at Cartier, you and Jack got matching Trinity Bracelets in red string), eating at different coffee shops and restaurants, walk along the iconic streets and gardens, and even the beach

The morning of the race, it was a bit of a rush inside the penthouse while was getting ready, specially because Max had to be there at a certain hour, and by that, it meant all of you had to go at that hour

The outfit you chose for the race was a white top, a black skort, black Prada boots, along with a vintage Red Bull jacket, light blue sunglasses, your new Chanel flap bag, with your typical accesories like your ear piercings, your initial necklace, a few friendship bracelets, your Van Cleef and Arpels green bracelet, your new Trinity Bracelet, your Apple Watch and your Ghostface and Baby Vamp rings, while your hair was in a nice and soft hairstyle and your make up in a soft pink in the eyes and gloss

While Jack decided to use a sleeveless dark blue shirt, dark jeans and white sneakers, along with a white letterman jacket, his initial necklace and Trinity Bracelet along with black sunglasses

"Let's do a last recap to make sure that we have everything", you said sitting in the bed and opening your bag, "Phone chargers and portable batteries, tissues, my lip gloss and your chapstick, our wallets, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, face masks, mint bubblegum, and a pen and a sharpie"

"And the passes", Jack added having them in his hands, "We're ready, and I still can't believe we are going to a Grand Prix"

"Me neither, I feel like I'm going to trully believe it when we see the liveries"

Leaving the room, not before taking a few mirror selfies, both of you walked to the living room to meet with Max, Kelly and Penelope and finally leave towards the paddock, not before taking a few group photos

Going to the parking lot of the building, there was a van for the five of you with a few people of Red Bull in there, to take you to the harbor where a boat was waiting to take you to the paddock, while someone from the socials team was filming

"This is the reunion of the Nepo Babies interview", the media person said, "Max, Kelly, how it's been to have Y/N and Jack in your house?"

"They're so lovely, it's been amazing to be able to know them better", Kelly responded

"That's why we love you, Kells", you said to her

"They're annoying, can't wait to have them out of the house", Max joked

"We're not that bad", Jack argued

"Yeah, at least we don't stay all night playing games", you added, "And P, loves us, right sweetpea?"

"Is like having older brothers", Penelope said, "I like them very much"

"Sweetpea, returning after the race, I'll make you cookies that will last until your birthday"

After a few more minutes of driving across the streets of Monaco, the van stopped at the harbor where a Red Bull boat was waiting, and after managing to get into it without problems, another ride started, but this time across the Monaco sea to arrive at the paddock, which wasn't too crowded yet fortunately, making it easier to walk around, and wanting to let you have your moment to appreciate everything, Max, Kelly and Penelope walked a few metters ahead to you

"This still feels surreal", you murmured soaking in the arounds of people from all the teams arranging everything

"NASCAR is one thing, but this is like another world", Jack mentioned

"Nice mullet, kid", Vatteri Bottas suddenly passed next to both of you in his bike, refering to Jack's hair

"Thank you", Jack exclaimed in response, "Valtteri Bottas liked my mullet, I'm not going to have another hairstyle again"

Continue to walk, both of you took photos and videos of the environment and selfies walking aroung the paddock, without losing view of your friends, until you reached the Red Bull Energy Station where members of the team were there before the race, going directly to the buffet to grab a light breakfast

"I just remembered the DTS chapter about the budget", you said, "They were right, the cattering is really good"

"I still can't believe you watch the show", Max sighed

"Listen, it has funny moments", you defended it, "We know they kinda manipulate things, but it has meme worthy moments"

"Like what?", Max asked

"Will Buxton comments, the team principals meeting, Alpine-gate, and a lot more", Jack enlisted, "Just to say a few"

Just after finishing breakfast, the social media aproached asking to do content for social media, at what the three of you went to the top of the Energy Station where it was still empty before the rest of the guests arrived, and you inmediatly got emotional when you saw who was already in there

"Hey man", Max greeted Checo with a man hug

"Hey, how's it going?", Checo greeted back noticing both of you behind Max, "These are the kids you told me about?"

"Yeah, this is Y/N and Jack, she was my interview partner for the nepo babies thing"

"Oh yeah, I remember, nice to meet you guys, Max talks about you all the time", Checo nodded shaking both of your hands, "How are you? Are you enjoying Monaco?"

"Yeah, it's really nice in here", Jack nodded, "It's better than seeing it on television, movies and all that"

"And Kelly and Penelope have been taking us on a tour around during these days", you added, "Also I wanted to tell you that you are my favorite driver, your victory in Sakhir 2020 is one of the best races I've ever seen"

"Thank you so much, I really apreciate it", Checo nodded, "And it's great to have both of you with us today, and this will be out next week, but I feel like you deserve to be two of the first to know that I re-signed for two more years"

"That's amazing", you exclaimed

"Congratulations", Jack also exclaimed

The conversation between the four of you lasted a bit more during which the media took a small video, before taking photos

On the McLaren hospitality, Lando was dealing with Oscar, Max F and Lily laughing at him becuase he told them what happened a few days ago

"I just can't believe she and her boyfriend are here", Lando exclaimed, "I knew about the nepo babies thing, I saw the interview, but I didn't expect to see them in Max and Kelly's home, I apologized to her, I gave them McLaren and Quadrant merch, but I still feel embarrased"

"Yeah, the messages were awful", Oscar nodded, "The smirking face at the end was the worst"

"I told him that the emoji was a bad idea", Max F pointed

"Don't remind me", Lando sighed, "Wait a second, how do you know I put a smirking face emoji?"

"We all know about the messages, and how she left you on read", Lily said surprising Lando

"Yeah, between Suzuka and Shangai, Max, Lance, Carlos and Mick were sending the screenshot to all of us", Oscar explained, "Well, of course not you"

"This is even worse", Lando almost cried

"Well, I think you are about to cry more", Max F laughed, "Look at the entrance"

With curiosity, the three looked at the entrance of the hospitality where you, Jack and Penelope were there, but you weren't wearing your jacket because of the weather and Jack was without his jacket

"Uncle Lando", Penelope exclaimed running towards him

"Hi P", Lando exclaimed hugging her, "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you, and show them the place", Penelope explained before separating to go greet the others

"I hope we aren't intruding", you said, "P wanted to give us a tour around, and Kelly gave us permition, so here we are"

"It's okay, both of you are welcome to McLaren", Oscar assured

Greeting everyone, both of you sat in the lounge next to each other with Jack's arm behind your back, while Lando went with Penelope for something to drink

"I love your top, is so beautiful", you said to Lily, "It highlights your hair"

"Thank you", Lily smiled, "I like your glasses"

"Thanks, you want to try them?", you responded taking off your glasses and extending them to her

Feeling a bit shy to tell no, Lily took the sunglasses to put them on, at what Oscar took a photo of her

"They really protect from the sun?", Max F asked

"Yeah, after I bought them, I took them to my oculist and she aproved them, they have UV protection", you explained as Lily returned the glasses to you

Almost inmediatly, Penelope returned drinking a Capri-Sun to sit next to you while Lando started to pass packages of the juice because Penelope insisted on bring it to everyone

"P said you liked the orange flavor, so I hope this is okay", Lando said giving you and Jack the juices

"It's okay, thank you", Jack nodded, "By the way, congratulations on your first win"

"Thanks, did you watched the race?", Lando questioned sitting again

"Yeah, we basically saw the sprint and the qualy in LA, and then we saw the race in New York because we had the MET on monday, and I still don't know how they didn't kick us out of the hotel", Jack explained laughing, "Great day for being a McLaren fan"

"I can confirm that he was almost bouncing on the walls", you added, "And as half british, I was so happy to hear the anthem on the podium again"

"We have the trophy here, do you want to see it?", Lando questioned

"Of course", Jack exclaimed

Leaving the juices on the center table, both of them stood up to go were the trophy was placed, which ended up in a lot of photos taken with the trophy, until the three of you had to return to Red Bull

"Well, guys, it was nice meeting and talking but we need to go", you sighed taking P in your arms, while Jack got your purse, "Our presence is required at Red Bull, good luck at the race and I'll guess we'll see at the dinner-party after the race"

"Yeah, we'll be there", Lily nodded

"Perfect, good luck at the race, get in the points, a podium or two, be safe", you said while Jack opened the door

"Let's go McLaren", Jack exclaimed with your bag in his shoulder

"Bye", Penelope also exclaimed waving her hand

Once the door was closed and the three of you were out of view, Lando sighed in relief

"I thought he was going to kill me with his bare hands", Lando said which caused the rest to hold their laughs

"Or her", Oscar joked, "She carried P like she was a feather"

Back to the three of you, you were walking to the Red Bull garage since Max and Kelly gave you a time to return to be in time for the race and evade the chaos that was forming in the paddock

Arriving at the garage, you saw Kelly standing in the entrace at what you put P on the floor so she could go with her mom, but she decided to took yours and Jack's hands, at what Kelly decided to took a photo of the cute moment

"How was the tour?", Kelly asked once the three of you were walking inside the garage

"We went to visit uncle Lando", Penelope exclaimed without releasing your hands

"Really? How it was?", Kelly questioned focusing on you two

"It was good", Jack nodded, "They let us take photos with the Miami trophy"

"And they gave us Capri-Suns to drink", you added, "It was nice"

"Uncle Lando said that if I wear orange he was going to give me a new doll", Penelope mentioned, "But I only support dad and Maxie's teams"

"Good girl", Kelly smiled

"Besides Y/N and Jack gave me a new and beautiful doll", Penelope added refering to the American Girl doll that both of you decided to gift her, along with three changes of clothes, "Which I really, really, really love"

"And we love that you love her", you smiled, "We picked her specially for you"

Continuing with the walk to the garage where the cars where waiting to race across the streets of Monaco, ended up marveled by seeing them in person at what Kelly took Penelope's hand so you two could look at the cars better, while people from media were filming the moment

"They look even better in person", you murmured being careful to don't touch anything

"A sticker with our faces would make it better", Jack joked making you laugh

"The best part is that you can get on them", Max intervined with Checo by his side

"No way!", you exclaimed, "For real?"

"Yeah, they gave us permition, and we have three hours until the race, so it wasn't a problem", Checo explained

Before getting on the liveries, a small photoshoot was held next to the cars and in front of the garage, at what you and Jack got your jackets on again for the photos

Once the photos were done, the next thing was hoping into the liveries for a few photos, at what you decided to take off your boots leaving you in Strawberry Shortcake socks because you didn't wanted to accidentally break something

As you were getting into Checo's car with the help of a small ladder and his help, Jack was doing the same but in Max's car on the other side of the garage

"This is incredible", Jack exclaimed while the steering wheel was put in it's place

"This is a lot different than a NASCAR car, fancier", you pointed grabbing the steering wheel

"Gorgeous, let's do a little race", Jack exclaimed

"Let's do it", you exclaimed back, "Can someone please put tyres, please?"

Staying in the cars for a bit more, the media team took photos and videos of the moment until both of you had to get out to keep the cars safe for the race (even if the places for the race weren't the best, but anything can happen in Monaco)

"How did it felt?", Max asked once both of you were out

"Amazing, although is so small inside", Jack responded, "Doesn't feels a bit claustrophobic during races?"

"I mean, at first it is, when you start karting but as you climb categories, you get used to it", Checo explained, "And you are too focused on the race to think about the space"

"It felt a lot different to a NASCAR car", you commented, "Because in NASCAR you are completely seated, but in this you are almost lay down"

After talking for a bit more, they had to go to start preparing for the race, at what the two of you along with Kelly and Penelope went to the hospitality on the third floor to wait until the protocols and race starts, watching the F2 race and drinking Red Bull and eating some snacks

When it was time for the protocols, the four of you went down to the track for the anthem, staying at the back with the rest of the guests, and being joined by some of the wags whom were quick to introduce themselves, and you were happy to finally meet Kika in person after following each other on Instagram for a while

Finishing the anthem ceremony, the start grid became busier with all the people in there, at what the four of you returned to the Red Bull garage and to the hospitality floor to watch the race from the balcony with view to the starting grid and the race start, while Kelly and P stayend inside

"Bad Bunny was right when he said that F1 cars are faster in person", you mentioned as they sped up to start the race

"Also very loud", Jack mentioned, "Even with the heaphones, wait a second, I think something happened"

"One of the Ferrari's is out, I think is Carlos", you frowned seeing the screen in front anouncing a red flag, and then focus on Checo's car wrecked along with the two Haas, "Holy shit!"

"That looks horrible", Jack gasped

Entering the hospitality to watch what happened, everyone was shocked as well for the magnitude of the crash, so focusing again in the screens they showed Checo getting out of the car unharmed as well as the other two drivers, which ended up in a red flag and a delay of forty minutes

"The car wasn't a car anymore", you sighed sitting in the table, "It was crushed"

"They are repeating what happened", Jack pointed at the screens

Seeing the different angles of the crash was worse than seeing the wrecked car, and adding the incident between the two Alpines was more shocking for all the things that happened in the first lap

"That was wild", Jack concluded, "All in the first lap"

Waiting for the re-start, the four of you decided to eat lunch from the food they had in there while seeing what was happening during the red flag

Once the race started again, Charles was again liderating it with Oscar, Carlos and Lando behind him, and the rest of the drivers behind in the same order they started

Basically it was a kinda boring race, except for a few overtakes in the back, Lance's tyre falling out from his car while entering the pits, and also during one part of the race, you and Jack were put on the screen with Kelly and Penelope

As the last four laps started, both of you went to the balcony to watch the end of the race and the energy that the city was giving by seeing their driver lead the race, specially in the last lap when the yatchs and boats in the harbor started to honk their claxons as a form of celebration and more when Charles crossed the checkered flag claiming the victory

After the whole event ended, the mayority of the guests to the dinner/party where the first ones to left the paddock to get ready, but first you made the cookies you promised to Penelope

Following your 'Mamma Mia Birthday', you chose a lace white dress, blue platform heels, with your new Lady Dior that was a gift from the brand for the MET Gala, your new blue choker on top of your initial necklace, your hair was completely down in a wavy hairstyle, blue eyeshadow, cherry lipstick, with some silver rings and your Trinity Bracelet and Van Cleef and Arpels bracelet along your ear piercings

And matching with you, Jack decided to wear a baby blue short sleeved button up, white pants and white sneakers

Thanks to Penelope's dad living in the same building, she stayed with him for the night, so the four of you hop on the van waiting in the buildings parking lot and go to where the dinner/party was going to be held

"Charles and Alexandra are arriving later because they are at the royal dinner, Kevin and Nico aren't coming because they are having family time, Checo decided to return early to Guadalajara with his family, but they'll sent their gifts, and a few of the Prema kids are going to be there", Max informed on the way to the location, "And the rest are all coming, for what we now at the moment"

"Okay, this is going to be fun", you nodded

"My lost brother is going to be there?", Jack joked reffering to Ollie Bearman

"He'll be there", Max laughed

A few minutes later, the van stopped in the right location, at what the chauffer openned the door for the four of you in front of a yatch, specifically Max's

"This is the 'Money, Money, Money' that ABBA was talking about", you said to Jack seeing the yatch

"Literally", Jack agreeded circling your waist with his arm

"Come on guys, they are waiting for us", Max exclaimed from the entrance of the yatch with Kelly

Aproaching them, both of you walked into the luxurious yatch and going to the third floor where almost everyone was there, inmediatly greeting the ones you knew and meeting the ones you didn't, which included that Jack and Ollie met and took a few photos as 'lost brothers'

"Logan, nice to meet you", you said when Alex and Lily M introduce him to both of you, "My dad is a great fan of yours"

"He is?", Logan asked with surprise

"He is like the biggest", Jack responded while you looked for something in your phone, "Before we came here he told us to tell you that, and ask for an autograph"

"He also sent a message after the race", you said reading your phone, "He said: make sure to tell Logan that he had a great race today, that overtake was incredible, and don't give up because better times are coming, we also think that"

"That's really amazing to hear, thank you very much", Logan nodded

A bit later, Charles and Alexandra finally arrived so the yatch left the harbor to be a few metters into the sea and start the dinner/party

"Before we start I have a few anouncements to say", Max spoke taking the microphone from the DJ booth, "There won't be alcohol because we are in a yatch in the middle of the sea, so-"

Interrupting the small speech, Daniel throwed at him a napkin in a small ball at his face, what made everyone of you to giggle

"Anyways, for our own safety we'll be drinking Almave, thank you Lewis"

"Anything for my MET kids", Lewis smiled

"Why there won't be alchol?", Lando asked

"Look at your nose", Max simply said, "Also because I have to return them to America in one piece, so have fun, enjoy the food, don't fall overboard and don't break anything"

Once the speech was over and Max left the microphone, the talks between everyone continued while Lando went to the DJ booth with Max F to prepare the music

"Babe, I'm going with the girls to get something to drink", you told Jack while holding hands, "Want to come?"

"Yeah, I'll go in a moment, I'm just going to remind Lando to put ABBA songs", Jack nodded

"You are going with your new best friend", you joked poking his ribs

"I mean, I made sure he's not a threat, so he's fine", Jack smiled, "I won't hurt him"

"I love when you kinda return to your Ethan Landry phase", you giggled

"I know you do, sweet dumb thing", that last thing he said it in your ear increasing your giggles

"Where's Y/N?", you heard Kika exclaimed at what both of you turned to the direction of the bar to see how Tiffany was lifting her, "Return her to us, you have her all the time"

"Looks like I've been summoned", you joked

Separating ways for a moment, you went with the girls, while Jack walked to the DJ booth surprising (or more like scaring) Lando and Max F

"Hey, can I make a few suggestions for the music?", Jack asked

"Yeah, sure, no problem", Lando nodded

"Perfect, ABBA songs because this is her 'Mamma Mia' birthday, Y/N loves Taylor Swift but be careful if you put sad songs specially from 'The Tortured Poets Department' or any album, and her musical taste is very open so everything will be okay, but she really loves Sabrina Carpenter, Madison Beer, Beyonce, Chappell Roan, Labrynth, Doja Cat, The Weekend, Megan Thee Stallion, Reneé Rapp, Demi Lovato, Kendrick Lamar, Bad Bunny, Lil Nas X", Jack explained quickly, "Oh and she participated in a lot of musical plays during middle and high school, do you think you can work with that?"

"Yeah, sure, is enough, thank you", Lando responded at what Jack smiled before going to the bar with you, "I got lost at Taylor Swift"

"Shut the hell up", Max F sighed

From another part of the room, George, Lance, Carlos, Zhou, Ollie, Dino and Kimi were watching the scene in front of them

"For a moment I thought Jack was going to kill Lando", George commented

"Nah, he's too good to do it", Lance responded

"Besides he wouldn't ruin hermanita's birthday party", Carlos shrudded taking a sip of his drink, "He's not like that"

"I'm a bit lost", Kimi interrupted

"Oh right, you don't know", Lance exclaimed

"It's actually so funny", Ollie laughed

"More like embarrasing", Zhou pointed

"You know?", Dino asked Ollie

"Charles told me about it", Ollie nodded

"The context is that Y/N, the girl in the white dress, recieved a message from Lando two years ago, and she left him on read", George explained showing them the screenshot of the messages at what the young ones started to laugh, "And the boy who was with Lando, is Jack, her boyfriend, and he played Ghostface recently, which is why Lando is scared"

"And her dad is also Ghostface, the first one to be clear", Lance specified

Interrupting all the conversations, the melody of 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA started at what everyone started to fill the dance floor and start the party, that lasted until the wee hours of the morning

After four days of recovering of the party, hanging out a bit more and packing the things that you got in the new extra suitcases that both of you bought (which included merch from all the teams and drivers, some with autographs, and even from their personal brands), the time to return to LA had arrived, which was very sad for all of you, specially the goodbyes

"I don't want you to go", Penelope cried hugging you and Jack as both of you were kneeling on the floor to be at her height, "I want you to stay here"

"I know sweetpea", you sighed separating from the hug but holding her hands, "But as you got your home here, we also have ours across the sea"

"And we also have to go and take care of our cats", Jack added

"Butters and Tatum?", Penelope asked

"Yeah, just like all of you take care and love Jimmy and Sassy, we need to do the same with Butters and Tatum", Jack explained

"But remember that the doors of our homes are always open, and if you want to talk to us, you can ask your mom or Max to call us", you told her trying to console her, "So please don't cry because we'll see each other again"

Without crying this time, Penelope hug both of you again causing a few small tears to fall of yours and Jacks eyes, once the hug ended, the three of you walked where Kelly was since she gave space for the goodbye with P

"Thank you so much for letting us stay in your house during this week", you said to Kelly while hugging her

"Just like we said before, we weren't letting you be in the city by your own", Kelly said sepparating from the hug and then hug Jack before sepparating, "Take care, okay? We'll try to plan something during summer break to see if we can visit LA, if you want"

"That would be nice", Jack nodded

Saying goodby again to Kelly and Penelope, both of you turned around to leave the country, the two of you walked to the private plane where Max was waiting outside, entering the flying transport, both of you sat in the seats where your travel bags were, while Max sat next to Lando and Carlos who were also travelling because of the next race which was Canada

Before the plane could leave the land, you and Jack sent the combined family groupchat messages telling that you were on the plane on the way back home

"I know there wasn't any alcohol at the party but I feel wasted", you sighed putting on the hood of your TTPD beige hoodie, which you paired with black leggings and black crocs, "Even after a few days"

"It's probably because of all the packing and organizing our things", Jack said playing with baby dragon Jake, "We basically played Tetris with our suitcases"

"How many merch did you recieved?", Lando asked

"Two bottles of Almave for each of us, a bottle of Patrón each, a box of KitKats each, the Quadrant merch that you gave us, pieces of +44 for each, Alex sent us some clothes, and also Daniel gave us clothes", Jack enlisted, "And we also have to count all of the teams merch, and all the things we bought, which includes our new suitcases"

"Literally the appartment was a mess of boxes and plastic wrap", Max commented, "Jimmy and Sassy were enjoy it"

"Thank God I'm turning my brother's room into my new closet", you mentioned with humour, at what the drivers looked at you with shock, "I mean, he doesn't live in the house anymore and I'm currently using his room as a storage room, this is an upgrade"

"And what will happen to your current closet?", Carlos questioned

"I'll turn it into a little shrine with my things of VFX make up and small gifts and things", you explained, "Of course not like the one in Scream VI, that is full of crimes evidence"

"And of course no one will die there, I know what is like", Jack joked

"Where you a victim of Ghostface?", Lando asked with interest

"I was Ghostface, I got killed with a lot of stabs and a TV in the head, like Stu Macher", Jack responded, "But I had three kills before, one off-screen and the other two on-screen"

Hearing that, Lando only thought that he should've searched who was texting before sending those messages two years ago

The rest of the flight was spent between everyone sleeping, even thought during a few hours Jack woke up and borrowed your Nintendo Switch to play 'Dead by Daylight' who was soon joined by Max who woke up for a little bit

Once the plane entered the area of LA during the early morning, the stewards wake everyone of you to be prepared for the landing

"Who is coming to get you?", Max asked you and Jack

"My dad is in another city for a convention this weekend", you responded

"And my mom went to a microbiologists retirement, she returns tomorrow", Jack responded

Deciding that the best thing will be taking you both to your house, the five of you went into a van where you put the direction of your house, since it was closer to the airport, on the GPS and start the road, arriving when the sun started to came out

"And we are here", Max anounced as the van stopped in front of your house, "This is nice"

"Thank you, we have a cultive garden, pool, gym, wood workshop and memorabilia from movies and series, also NASCAR, and also works as VFX make up workshop", you mentioned as the bags and suitcases were unloaded from the van, "And we have a cat"

"Thank you so much for the trip, it was fun", Jack said when all the luggage was in the fron porch, "We really enjoyed it"

"It was really nice to have you in there, for the race and this whole week", Max nodded

"Don't forget that both of you are coming at Las Vegas for the race for your birthday", Carlos mentioned palming Jack's back, "The Ferrari garage will be happy to host both of you"

"What are you talking about?", Max frowned, "They are part of Red Bull now"

"McLaren also exist, they spent like half an hour with us on race day", Lando intervined

"Cabrón, you sent her an embarrasing message two years ago", Carlos exclaimed

Seeing as their little fight was going to last a few more minutes, you and Jack decided to enter the house along with your luggage leaving them in there

skeetulrich, lilyzneimer, bonnieaarons1, zhouguanyu24, melissabarreram, misstrinitybliss, sabrinacarpenter and 759, 279 more

yn.ulrich and jackchampion so... we went to Monaco, if you didn't notice, this can be considered as the part two of the nepo babies thing

Thank you so much to redbullracing for having us during the race and for letting us sit in maxverstappen1 and schecoperez cars

Also shotout to Max and kellypiquet for being mama and papa duck and letting us stay in their house, taking us around the city and letting us 'adopt' Penelope, you are the best!

P.D.: karting in Monaco hits different

redbullracing Great to have both of you in our garage!

maxverstappen1 please don't call me papa duck again

› yn.ulrich okay Sid

› user606 this is so siblings coded

schecoperez glad to finally meet you guys, hopefully the next race you attend will be better for us

user907 going to Monaco on your 'Mamma Mia' birthday is so iconic

carolamtz1 ❤❤

kellypiquet we love you kids ❤

julrich21 did you bring me something?

› yn.ulrich yeah, a contract to be Red Bull clown

› danielricciardo HAHAHAHA

user201 fan of your relationship 🥰🫀

› user745 YOU DID NOT COMMENTED THAT 💀

› user201 what does that mean?? I saw it in another couples account and I thought it was cute

› user745 just search about the Angela Aguliar/Christian Nodal thing

thebutterschronicles mom, dad, Tatum and I would like to know who are those cats

› jackchampion those are your new cousins, Jimmy and Sassy

user386 I just know that Y/N was crying when saying goodbye to P

not.scott.dissick we want to go next time

› jackchampion pack your bags my child

› not.scott.dissick mom and dad are taking us on a fieldtrip sarah_woods abbycutie noahtwitch

user446 being invited by one of the drivers instead of the team is like elite behavior

francisca.cgomes we all need to go on a girls brunch next time

› yn.ulrich OMG YESS

› flavy.barla count me in

› carmenmmundt me too

› lilymhe same

› lailahasanovic just set a date

› iamrebeccad me too

› alexandrasaintmleux can i bring leo?

› user739 did we just witnessed the welcome of Y/N to the wags club??

[goyouku]

THE  OLD  TODOROKI  ESTATE  IS  UNDOUBTEDLY  HAUNTED  BY  many  a  ghost  -  halls  permeated  with  too  many  memories  to  offer  a  comfortable  existence  to  enji's  psyche.  keigo  was  certain  it  had  to  be  lonely  too  -  so  big  and  empty  and  sterile.  it  was  why,  in  his  infinite  benevolence,  keigo  had  taken  it  upon  himself  -  no.  1's  fussing  not-with-standing  -  to  come  over  for  dinner.  often.  it  didn't  matter  that  musutafu  was  quite  literally  across  the  country.  it  didn't  matter  that  in  his  current  state  -  hawks  could  not  fly  for  such  a  long  distance  any  longer  -  or  that  it  probably  wasn't  great  for  him  to  be  out  and  about  much  after  the  incident.  it  also  didn't  matter  that  a  short  few  hour  flight  had  turned  into  a  weekend  long  affair  -  in  which  he  had  to  take  the  bullet  train  like  a  peasant,  and  beg  weekend  accommodations  from  the  gruff  flame  hero  (  not  like  he  ever  said  no.  hawks  probably  would've  ended  up  staying  over  anyway  -  but  it  was  fun  needling  him  ).  visiting  had  turned  into  something  of  a  chore,  but  keigo  -  he'd  never  see  it  that  way.  for  enji...  anything  was  worth  it.

he  rarely  slept  well  alone,  now  even  more  so  -  the  feeling  of  flames  constantly  licking  his  skin...  the  ire  of  his  body  a  long,  unending  battle.  burns  stretched  raw  over  his  flesh,  and  too  often  he  dreamed  of  dabi's  voice  in  his  ear,  the  feeling  of  boot  on  his  back  and  fingers  at  his  throat.  panic  attacks  were  common  enough,  but  only  those  that  knew  keigo  -  not  hawks  -  were  aware  he  was...  struggling.  time  with  the  todoroki  patriarch  was  a  healing  balm  to  his  wounds,  soothing  and  erasing  all  at  once,  and  keigo  wondered  -  not  for  the  first  time  -  if  these  little  dinners  were  more  for  him,  than  the  elder.

food  had  long  since  been  eaten  and  cleaned  up,  keigo's  ridiculous  metabolism  once  more  satisfied  by  enji's  culinary  prowess...  or  something  like  that.  they  lounge  now  -  the  lights  turned  low  and  tv  droning  a  newer  foreign  film  he'd  insisted  they  watch.  no.  2  is  pressed  to  endeavor's  side,  as  he  is  won't  to  be,  no  longer  particularly  shy  about  his  seeking  touch.  usually  -  at  times  like  this  he'd  go  preternaturally  still,  sometimes  even  drop  his  face  to  enji's  lap  and  fall  asleep...  but  today...  well  today,  he  can't  stop  squirming  in  his  seat.

it's  subconscious,  the  way  his  small,  regrowing  wings  flutter  and  fluff  behind  him,  red  plumage  a  bit  of  a  mess.  briefly,  he  arches  backwards,  rubbing  the  itch  of  his  spine  against  the  sofa  before  stilling  -  finding  no  relief  in  the  gesture.  wings  twitch  again.  legs  cross.  legs  uncross.  bare  talons  tap  angrily  at  his  thighs,  and  keigo  doesn't  even  notice  when  he  clack,  clack,  clacks  his  sharp  teeth  together  in  irritation,  a  primal  symbol  of  his  discomfort.

pleading  aureate  peers  up  at  resplendent  blue.  ❝ enjiiii. ❞   it's  something  of  a  whine  -  amusing,  in  it's  own  way,  ❝ my  wings- ❞   he  hasn't  preened  them  well  since  dabi,  hasn't  wanted  to  fight  with  the  stretch  of  skin,  the  awkward  and  itchy  regrowth  alongside  burn  scars  -  and  now,  he  pays  for  it  in  discomfort,  normally  smooth  and  supple  feathers  fluffed  with  displeasure,  and  his  back  twinging  with  itchy  discomfort.  he  needs  to  do  something,  and  he  needs  to  do  something  soon  -  lest  he  go  out  of  his  mind  and  start  chewing  on  his  own  feathers,  but  he  has  none  of  his  bottled  preening  oil  with  him,  and  the  gland...  he  shivers.  ❝ do  you  have  any...  lotion  or  something? ❞ / @eclipsemuses

[windfighter]

New Year's Revolutions

can't believe it took me a whole month to finish a short story about the frontier-gang celebrating new year's, but it did and here we are!

so anyway have the crew meeting up for new year's and Kouji getting a panic attack because of the explosions! Turns out his last year out in the world wasn't all sunshine and happiness. But at least he has the others there to help him :3

------------------

It had been a few years since they celebrated the new year together. Kouji was always off in a foreign country taking pictures, Junpei busy with the opera, Kouichi at the operating table, Takuya at a party or with one of his lovers, Izumi hosting New Years-parties for lonely people at her restaurant and Tomoki attending a party with the other politicans or at home working. They had plans, but their schedules just wouldn’t let it happen.

Finally they found a year to gather – Tomoki took a break from his work as a streamer to fly to Italy for a week and visit his friends, Kouji had stayed at Takuya’s place the whole month, Kouichi had new year’s eve free for the first time in years and Junpei’s repetitions were done early. Izumi closed her restaurant for visitors so they could gather there, watch the fireworks from the porch overlooking the city. It was the best place to watch them, if you asked her.

Kouji hesitated as he and Takuya were leaving the house, every movement he made seemed to be in slow-motion. Takuya watched Kouji as he grabbed his coat, slowly put it on.

”If you’d rather stay here”, Takuya offered.

Kouji shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Smiled and shook his head.

”It’s fine, I’m fine. It’ll be fun.”

”Are you sure?”

Kouji’s cheeks were a little pale and he closed his eyes, stopped breathing, as a firework went off in the distance. Then he took a shaky breath and smiled again.

”I’m sure. It’ll be fun to see everyone.”

Takuya walked up to Kouji wrapped an arm around his neck. Leaned in close.

”If you’d rather stay home for some… exercises…” he whispered.

Nibbled Kouji’s ear. Another firework went of and Kouji flinched, pulled away.

”Nah, this is all we’ve been talking about since christmas, let’s just go over”, Kouji laughed. ”They’ll miss us if we stay home.”

”Alright then”, Takuya said.

Opened the door and bowed for Kouji.

”Last chance to stay.”

Kouji shook his head and stepped through the door. Takuya followed, locked the door, and Kouji grabbed his hand. Walked almost pressed against Takuya’s side as they made their way over to the car. He seemed to hesitate again as he had to let go. Takuya opened the door to the passenger seat for Kouji and Kouji sat down without letting go of Takuya’s hand.

”Are you okay?” Takuya asked.

Because it didn’t seem like it, but Kouji smiled, let go of Takuya and put the hand in his pocket instead.

”I’m fine”, Kouji said.

His voice was stable, his gaze as well. Takuya returned the smile, nodded and closed the door. Sat down in the driver’s seat and started the car.

-----

Midnight was only minutes away. Tomoki and Junpei were already out on the porch watching the fireworks that had started. Izumi was talking with them through a window while Takuya and Kouichi was finishing up a game of poker at one of the tables. Dirty plates and leftover food was still out on another table, they’d take care of that in the new year. Kouji was sitting at a table as far from the porch as possible, a glass of whiskey in his hand. Takuya glanced at Kouji before revealing his hand for Kouichi – two pairs. He’d win this one for sure. Kouichi grinned and revealed his own cards – three sevens. Takuya groaned and shoved the winnings in Kouichi’s direction.

”I’ll win that back later”, he promised.

Kouichi laughed.

”You were always terrible at poker”, he said. ”It’s your face.”

”My face is beautiful I’ll have you know.”

”So you keep telling me.”

Kouichi laughed again, stood up. Izumi pulled away from the window.

”I’ll fetch the champange”, she said and disappeared towards the kitchen.

A bunch of fireworks went off outside. Kouji stood up.

”I need to… toilet”, he said.

”Don’t be late!” Takuya called.

Kouji didn’t answer, just rushed away, towards the toilets at the back of the restaurant. Takuya and Kouichi glanced at each other and Takuya shrugged.

”You’d probably do better against someone who doesn’t know all your tells”, Kouichi returned to the conversation. ”There’s a certain twitch in your mouth when you think you have a good hand. And when you actually have a good hand you can’t stop grinning.”

”So what you’re saying is that my face is beautiful and you keep studying it”, Takuya teased.

Kouichi shook his head with a smile.

”Keep your flirting to my brother, I’m not falling for it.”

”You guys coming?” Junpei called.

They left the cards and chips on the table, went out on the porch. Takuya leaned against the railing, gazed out over the city. Explosions were already filling the air, the sky filled with colors. People were in the streets, dancing, laughing, shooting off rockets.

”Kouji better hurry”, Izumi said as she returned.

Handed everyone a glass with champagne, gave Kouji’s to Takuya. Kissed Junpei’s cheek and leaned against the railing next to him.

”One minute left!” Tomoki let them know.

Takuya glanced towards the toilets. No sign of Kouji. Kouichi leaned against the railing next to Izumi and Tomoki jumped up and sat on it. Wrapped his arm around one of the pillars for balance.

”10!” Tomoki called out.

The number of explosions increased drastically. Kouji had to hurry if he wanted to be there for midnight.

”9!” Junpei helped.

A big, red firework covered the sky and Takuya grinned. Best color for fireworks, no doubt.

”8!” he said.

Gripped the glass a little harder. Why wasn’t Kouji back yet?

”7!” Kouichi and Izumi said at the same time and laughed.

”6!” Tomoki again. He was leaning forwards as far as he could.

”5, 4, 3”, they counted together.

A loud bang drowned out their voices, stole number two and one.

”Happy new year!” everyone cheered.

Hit their glasses together. Junpei wrapped an arm around Izumi, kissed her, then pulled Kouichi in for a kiss as well. Takuya ruffled Tomoki’s hair and Tomoki laughed. The sky was covered in fireworks and smoke.

”Any new year’s revolutions?” Takuya asked.

Glanced to the side. Still no Kouji. Everyone else noticed it as well.

”...is Kouji still on the toilet?” Kouichi asked. ”We shouldn’t have given him real food.”

He laughed, but Takuya’s stomach ached.

”I’m gonna check on him”, he said.

Left the porch, put the glasses on one of the many tables in the dining room. Walked past the kitchen-area towards the toilets. He could hear steps following, but didn’t turn around. He knocked on the door to the toilet.

”Kouji?”

Silence. Just the sound of fireworks. The sound was a bit muted in there, far from the doors and windows.

”Kouji, are you okay?”

The other four arrived as well. Takuya looked at them, put a hand on the door handle. Opened the door and froze. Kouji was on the floor, pressed against the wall between the sink and the toilet. His body trembled, hands pressed firmly over his ears and eyes clenched shut. Takuya’s heart stopped beating for a second, and Kouichi pushed him to the side, sank down infront of Kouji. Izumi left, back towards the restaurant.

”Hey, what’s wrong?” Kouichi asked.

Kouji’s body trembled worse, he pressed his hands even harder against his ears. Pulled his knees up as high as possible and made himself small. Takuya took a step inside.

”Is he okay?” he asked.

Stupid question, but… This was weird. Something was wrong. Kouichi put a hand on Kouji’s shoulder and Kouji pulled away, slammed his body into the pipe under the sink. Takuya winced on his behalf and Kouichi took his hand away again. Looked at Takuya, eyes wide. Takuya’s stomach hurt. The door swung open again, Izumi pressed between the two of them, sank down infront of Kouji.

”Hey”, she whispered. ”You probably can’t hear me right now, but this will help.”

”Do you know what’s going on?” Takuya asked.

Izumi didn’t answer, just put a pair of earmuffs over Kouji’s hands. Waited. Takuya shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Kouji was still for a minute, then he pulled his hands out, grabbed the earmuffs. Let his hands trace along them and move them until they were correctly positioned. Wrapped his arms around himself.

”...sorry”, he whispered.

So quietly Takuya almost didn’t hear it.

”It’s okay”, Izumi said.

Kouji didn’t react to it. Takuya pulled his hands over his face and Izumi turned towards him.

”Panic attack”, she said. ”From the explosions.”

”How did you know?”

She gestured towards the restaurant.

”I have a lot of guests here at new years, it has happened before. That’s why we have these in the restaurant.”

Kouji opened his eyes, looked at them. Leaned against his knees and buried his face in his hands.

”It’s mostly retired soldiers”, Izumi continued, ”but age, vision- and hearingloss can cause it as well.”

”Kouji is none of those things”, Takuya argued.

Crossed his arms over his chest. Izumi shrugged. Kouichi put a hand on Kouji’s shoulder and this time Kouji didn’t pull away. Still didn’t look at them though.

”Other things can make them happen as well”, Kouichi said. ”I guess we’ll find out why when he’s gathered himself.”

Izumi pushed past Kouichi, pressed herself in the small space left between the sink and the toilet and put an arm around Kouji, pulled him closer.

”We’ll be here”, she said, ”until you’re ready.”

Kouichi turned around, towards Junpei and Tomoki. Takuya had almost forgotten that they were there as well.

”You two can go back and look at the fireworks. Let us know when it has mostly died down.”

”Anything else we can do?” Junpei asked.

Kouichi shook his head.

”Maybe prepare some of the leftover dessert for him, and a glass of water. He’ll need something when his body calms down.”

Kouji took a shaky breath, curled up against Izumi. Takuya almost felt jealous. He didn’t say anything though. Just sat down on the floor, watched Kouji. Kouichi left the toilets, left Takuya, Izumi and Kouji alone. Kouji was still trembling, but he was less pale, his breathing seemed more relaxed. He looked tired.

”You didn’t notice anything this past week?” Izumi asked.

Takuya shook his head, gestured at nothing.

”You know my house. Far away from everything, even fireworks. We’ve had the occassional trespasser setting something off in the garden but… Kouji never reacted like this.”

Takuya bit his lip.

”He was behaving a little weird as we left the house tonight, but I asked several times and he didn’t want to stay at home.”

Kouji looked at Takuya, looked away again. Takuya listened to the fireworks still exploding in the background. For the first time in his life he wished they could stop shooting them off.

”When we first met”, Takuya said just to fill the air, ”Kouji would never have accepted getting treated like this.”

Izumi laughed a bit.

”We’ve all changed a lot, haven’t we?”

”I dunno”, Takuya answered with a grin. ”Junpei is still a clown.”

”A clown that has sung on La Scala”, Izumi said. ”That’s more than you can say.”

”We almost won the world cup last year”, Takuya said. ”I would like to see Junpei try that.”

”In some ways we haven’t changed”, Izumi said. ”Junpei would never.”

Kouji’s face turned frustrated and he pulled his hands across his eyes.

”Sorry”, he mumbled again.

”Don’t worry about it”, Izumi answered.

It took another ten minutes. Kouji’s body calmed down, Izumi and Takuya talked about whatever they could think of. Football, opera, food, the digital world, dreams. Then Tomoki came back, knocked on the door.

”They’ve almost stopped shooting.”

Izumi patted Kouji’s arm, crawled back out and sat on her knees infront of him. Gestured taking the earmuffs off. Kouji hesitated, lifted them off one ear. A firework went off and his face scrunched up, he pressed against the wall again. Then it was silent. Kouji took the earmuffs off completely. Takuya didn’t dare speak, gripped his pants with his hands.

”I’m sorry”, Kouji whispered for the third time.

Still held on to the earmuffs, took a shaky breath.

”I didn’t… didn’t think it’d get this bad.”

Kouichi appeared as well, stepped past Tomoki and Takuya and held a glass infront of Kouji.

”Here, drink this. There’s some cake and cookies waiting in the restaurant when you’re ready.”

Kouji took the glass, hand still trembling. But not as bad, Takuya noticed. Kouji sipped on the water, closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. It almost looked like he would fall asleep.

”It’s…” he mumbled.

Stopped talking again. They waited. Another firework went of and Kouji dropped the glass, wrapped his arms around himself. The glass shattered and Kouichi left. Returned with a broom and sweeped the broken glass up before anyone got hurt. Kouji took a shaky breath.

”...war in this world isn’t as it was back then”, he whispered.

Kouichi dropped the broom.

”What?!”

Takuya and Izumi looked at each other, looked at Kouji again. Kouji curled up, but it looked… different from when he hid from the fireworks. Uncertain instead of scared. Maybe it was the lack of trembles through his body, Takuya pondered.

”What do you mean?” Izumi asked.

”People don’t turn into data and gets reborn. There’s just blood and destruction and…”

He held his hands infront of his face, looked at them. Pressed them together and scrubbed them.

”...and explosions”, he finished.

Hid the hands under his knees, hugged his legs. Takuya heard steps come closer, Tomoki and Junpei returning. Takuya swallowed.

”...what happened?” he asked.

Kouji looked at him. For the first time in a month Takuya really looked at Kouji. Noticed the bags under his eyes, the way his clothes hung just a little looser than they used to. Realized it wasn’t because he was happy to be home, to be with Takuya. He should have realized it sooner, when Kouji didn’t leave again after two weeks.

”I was taking pictures of goats”, Kouji said, ”when the missiles arrived. The first bombs exploded.”

He turned his head away, hugged his thighs harder.

”I don’t want to think about it.”

”I’m sorry”, Takuya said. ”I should have…”

Should have what, he didn’t know. Kouji shook his head.

”I hoped I could just forget”, he whispered.

”Goats?” Junpei asked.

Takuya glanced at him. Junpei was grinning, even if it looked a bit tense. Kouji let out a short laugh.

”I don’t just take pictures of deadly animals”, he said. ”Sometimes there’s goats instead.”

Another firework went off. Kouji flinched, hit his head on the underside of the sink.

”I’m getting you a helmet for your birthday”, Takuya joked.

Kouji just looked sad. He put his head in his hands again.

”I got trapped under a building”, he whispered. ”For a day. And I was one of the lucky ones.”

”Kouji…”

Takuya moved closer, put a hand on Kouji’s knee, moved it to Kouji’s arm. Pulled at him to get him out from there and into Takuya’s arms. Kouji didn’t move. His body started trembling again.

”Have you talked to someone?” Kouichi asked.

Kouji stopped trembling, peeked through his fingers and looked at Kouichi. Takuya looked at the floor, tilted his head.

”...is this why you haven’t wanted to… you know…”

Kouji blushed. It would have been cute if the circumstances had been different. He kicked Takuya and Takuya laughed.

”We are not discussing that infront of everyone”, Kouji said.

Everyone laughed. It didn’t feel relaxed, but it felt better. Takuya made a new attempt to pull Kouji out and this time Kouji let him, leaned against Takuya and took a shaky breath.

”I’m sorry”, Kouji said again. ”I didn’t think… I really wanted to celebrate with all of you.”

”Night’s not over”, Tomoki said. ”We still have lots of goodies to eat.”

”Maybe tomorrow”, Kouji said and looked away. ”I just…”

He sounded exhausted. Takuya wished he could understand better, so he could make sure this never happened again. Izumi put her hand on Kouji’s shoulder.

”There’s a bedroom upstairs, so you don’t have to wait for a taxi. They’re probably fully booked for another 3 hours.”

Kouji nodded, started standing up. Looked like he would fall straight back down again. Kouichi grabbed his arm and Takuya stood up as well, wrapped his arm around Kouji’s waist. Kouji slumped against him, took a shaky breath. Takuya and Kouichi glanced at each other. Shared a silent promise that they’d talk with Kouji later. When he wasn’t a trembling mess.

”Come have a cookie before you go to bed at least”, Junpei said. ”You look like you need something sweet.”

Another firework went off. Kouji closed his eyes, pressed his face against Takuya’s shoulder. Takuya hugged him closer.

”Next year we celebrate at my place, I promise.”

Kouji nodded. Takuya pulled at him.

”Come on, dessert, then we go hide in the room. Okay?”

Izumi stood up, left the bathroom. Junpei and Tomoki followed her. Kouichi shifted his weight. Takuya wondered what he was thinking about. Kouji didn’t move and Takuya pulled at him again.

”Kouji?”

”Lightheaded”, Kouji mumbled.

Takuya laughed.

”Want me to carry you?”

Kouji nodded. Takuya bent down, put his other arm behind Kouji’s legs and lifted him off the floor. Kouichi’s face turned worried and Takuya agreed. Kouji rarely agreed to being carried, only when things were bad. Kouji put his head on Takuya’s shoulder, gripped his shirt, and Takuya started walking, back into the restaurant. He put Kouji on a chair by a table as far from the windows as possible, sat down next to him. Held his hand. Kouichi stopped in the kitchen, Takuya could hear water runing.

”Hey”, Takuya said.

Kouji looked at him. His face was still pale, eyes slightly haunted. Takuya squeezed Kouji’s hand.

”I love you, okay?” he said.

Kouji looked away again, at his lap. Takuya didn’t mind.

”And… and I’ll be here for you, if this happens again. I promise.”

”I’m going to leave again”, Kouji whispered. ”You know that, right?”

A glass of water and a piece of cake was placed on the table. Kouichi smiled at them.

”The rest of us are on the porch, just say good night before you head upstairs, okay?”

Kouji nodded. His hand trembled as he reached for the glass. Kouichi turned around, went to the others, and Takuya squeezed Kouji’s hand again. Sat in silence while Kouji finished the water and the cake. He looked healthier afterwards, less pale, more stable. Still looked exhausted though. He yawned, rubbed his eyes, and Takuya smiled.

”Ready for bed?”

Kouji nodded, leaned against Takuya. Another stray rocket exploded and Kouji pressed against Takuya, grabbed his shirt and hid his face against Takuya’s shoulder. Takuya wanted to ask more, learn more about what had happened. He rubbed Kouji’s back, waited for the shivers to die down again. A minute, two, then Kouji’s grip loosened. He took a shaky breath.

”I hate this”, he whispered. ”I should know better…”

Takuya didn’t know what to answer. He gave Kouji a hug, heard him yawn.

”Ready for bed?” Takuya repeated.

”Yeah”, Kouji yawned again. ”You don’t need to come with me.”

Takuya kissed Kouji’s cheek, smiled.

”I want to. How your year starts is how it’ll go, and I want to go to bed with you. Every day.” he kissed Kouji’s cheek again. ”For the rest of the year.”

Kouji laughed and Takuya grinned. This was better, Kouji was feeling more relaxed and Takuya could feel less worried.

”I have work coming up in a month”, Kouji said.

Takuya didn’t know that. He pulled away and looked at Kouji.

”What work?”

He knew Kouji would leave eventually, he always did, the calls from the world and nature too strong to ignore, but… It still felt sad. Kouji stuck his tongue out and Takuya must have looked sadder than he had meant to.

”I’ve been invited to McMurdo Station”, Kouji said.

As if Takuya knew what that was. He blinked and tilted his head.

”It’s in Antarctica”, Kouji explained.

”...don’t get eaten by a polar bear.”

Kouji laughed, put his head in his hand and shook it. Patted Takuya’s shoulder and stood up.

”You’re an idiot. Let’s… let’s go to bed.”

He swayed a little. Started walking towards the porch and Takuya was quick to stand up as well, walk with him and say goodnight to everyone. Izumi smiled at them.

”I’m opening the restaurant at ten tomorrow, so I’ll be here at nine to wake you up.”

”Sounds good”, Takuya smiled. ”Don’t want to sleep away the whole day.”

Kouji looked like he disagreed. He yawned again, leaned against the wall, and Takuya wrapped an arm around Kouji’s waist.

”The rest of you can meet up and do something while I work”, Izumi continued, ”and I’ll join later.”

”It’s a plan”, Takuya laughed. ”We’ll decide tomorrow what we’re up to. Maybe we’ll just go sit in the harbour.”

”Bed”, Kouji said.

He leaned against Takuya, felt like he was five seconds from falling over. Takuya nodded.

”Right, yeah. Night everyone, see you tomorrow!”

”Night”, the others answered back, turned towards the city again. Colors filled the sky with another boom and Kouji pressed against Takuya, took a shaky breath. Two seconds from falling over and Takuya leaned down, picked Kouji up. Kouji pressed his face against Takuya’s neck.

”Almost there”, Takuya said and started walking.

Pushed the door to the stairs open with his hip and walked upstairs, one slow step at the time to not lose his balance. Another door at the top of the stairs and Takuya nudged Kouji.

”Hey. Can you open it?”

”Hmm…”

Kouji moved in his arms and then the door swung open. Takuya stepped inside, kicked the door closed again. Looked around the room. It was a hallway, a place to leave coats and shoes, and Takuya kicked his off, walked further into the apartment. It was small, especially compared to his house, and was probably only used by Izumi when she worked too late to get home. There was a small kitchenette in the hallway, a door to the bathroom and another to the living room. Takuya stopped when he entered it. Sparsely decorated, just a couple pictures of Junpei and Kouichi, a small television and couch that could be turned into a bed. Takuya gave Kouji a shake.

”Hey. I need to make the bed.”

Kouji blinked and Takuya let him down. Kouji pulled a hand across his face, sat down by the table, and Takuya went to work. Opened the couch and pulled it out, turning it into a bed. It was big enough for two and Takuya smiled. Izumi probably still turned around a lot in her sleep. He found pillows and a cover in the closet and dumped them onto the bed. Smiled towards Kouji.

”All ready for you.”

Kouji yawned. Another firework went off and Kouji flinched forwards, grabbed the edge of the table with one hand and the edge of the seat with the other. Eyes wide. Pushed himself off the chair, slid in under the table and Takuya stared.

”Hey”, he whispered. ”You’re safe here.”

Kouji’s chest expanded and retracted quickly. Breaths short. Takuya crouched, reached for Kouji.

”Let’s go to sleep so we don’t have to hear the fireworks any longer, okay?”

Kouji’s eyes darted around. Confused. Takuya sat down on the floor, moved in under the table as well.

”It’s just new year’s”, he said and wrapped an arm around Kouji. ”You’re safe.”

Pulled Kouji close. Kouji’s shoulders relaxed, his breaths became deeper again. He put his head on Takuya’s shoulder, pressed his face against Takuya’s neck. Takuya grabbed Kouji’s hand, caressed it. Kouji must be absolutely exhausted to react like this. Takuya sighed. Wished there was something he could do. Not just wait.

”We’re both safe”, he said. ”We’re in Izumi’s apartment. We’ll go home tomorrow, far away from the fireworks they have left after today. Okay? Maybe bring the rest of the gang over as well?”

Kouji took a deep breath, held it for ten seconds and then released it. Takuya couldn’t help but giggle as it tickled his neck. Kouji nodded, took another deep breath, and Takuya pulled away, crawled out from under the table. Reached for Kouji and pulled him out as well.

”I’m not letting you sleep with the tie though”, Takuya smiled.

Untied Kouji’s tie and dropped it to the floor. Unbuttoned his jacket and shirt and pulled them off as well. Froze.

”I haven’t…” he whispered.

Stared at Kouji’s chest. There were scars scattered over it, big and small. Takuya took a shaky breath, lifted his hand. Put his fingers against the biggest one, close to Kouji’s shoulder. The shoulder tensed up.

”…haven’t seen you without a shirt for a while”, he finished.

Kouji looked away. His body swayed and his breaths became shorter, but not in the panicked way they had been before. Takuya looked at Kouji’s face instead. Eyes almost closed, exhausted, but also sad. Takuya kissed Kouji’s cheek.

”Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you from sleep”, he said.

Kissed Kouji’s neck and shoulder. It relaxed a bit and Takuya wrapped an arm around Kouji, pulled both of them to their feet. Helped Kouji stumble over to the couch and lie down on it, put the cover over him. Kouji grabbed the cover, pulled it higher and yawned. Takuya smiled.

”I’ll be there in a second.”

Pulled of his own suit, pants and all, before he laid down as well, pulled Kouji close. Kouji rested his head on Takuya’s shoulder, covered both of them with a cover. It was nice, Takuya thought, something he’d love to have more permanently. Just… Kouji next to him in bed, sleeping.

”So”, Takuya said, ”before we fall asleep. Any new year’s revolutions?”

Kouji snorted. Put his arm across Takuya’s stomach.

”No more revolutions for me”, he said.

Takuya liked that promise. He gave Kouji a hug.

”Well, I don’t mean to brag”, he started, ”but this year I am definitely winning the world cup!”

Kouji laughed.

”Goodnight Takuya.”

”’Night, Kouji.”

Kouji relaxed against Takuya and Takuya stared at the ceiling. Maybe tomorrow, when they were back home, he could ask Kouji more about the war.

-------------------------

a/n: yeah uh... so when I called this "short" I lied a little :P anyway I had fun writing this :3 Poor Kouji will never get a break. Anyway hope you enjoyed or something :D

No more New Year's Revolutions for Kouji, nope. Never.

*lies*

[al-the-remix]

9 + 4!

4: Do you prefer writing multi-chapter or oneshot fanfictions?

I think both can be used effectively for different kinds of stories, but personally, I prefer writing and posting oneshots. I like to be able to take a step back and look at the whole and still make edits, I often find myself going back and still making important connections and edits as I get to the end of the story. Also, as I reader I enjoy being able to digest the story in one go, vs having to wait for chunks to come out and re-reading to remained myself of important plot points.

9: What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?

I actually have a few of them, but on theme with the question above; the MacDonal's scene from White Fences. It was a last-minute addition and was one of my favourite scenes to write, fun and frivolous. Two old men going on their rookie date, living it up like it's 2007 ;____;

"Come on, G, live a little. When was the last time we went to get fries and cheeseburgers in the middle of the night," Sid said, then sucked his bottom lip into his mouth thoughtfully. Zhenya knew when and Sid did, too. "We should go," Sid concluded. Zhenya would say he didn't know how he let himself get talked into these things except he knew exactly how. The large red sticker pressed flush against the glass, boasting a 24-hour operation. Zhenya pushed into the establishment, Sid close on his heels, and was hit immediately in the face with dry, warm air and the smell of cooking oil. It was pretty deserted at this hour of the night. A few runway workers from the airport were huddled together around two tables in the back and there was a lone middle-aged woman keeping the cash register warm, but other than that it was what you'd expect at a fast food joint in the middle of the night: desolate. "I'll order, you get us a table," Sid said, cutting into his thoughts. As if there'd be competition for this much free real estate. They were spoiled for choice. Sid left him in favour of the cashier without so much as asking what he'd like and Zhenya went to grab them a table by the window at the opposite corner of the store as the workmen. Zhenya pulled off his toque. Positive his hair would be flying up everywhere in thin wisps, he tried to pat it gently back into shape before giving up. From their table Zhenya had a good view of where Sid was making light conversation with the woman behind the counter as he waited for their orders. Zhenya tapped his fingers against the linoleum facing on the table. They used to go out like this all the time, even why they were on opposing teams and in foreign countries during Worlds and the Olympics Sid set a tray down covered in two milkshakes, two large fries, and four cheeseburgers. Before digging in, Sid peeled the pickles off of his own cheeseburgers and gave them to Geno to layer on top of his own. It made Zhenya feel like they were rookies again. Sid's pink, frost-bitten cheeks were pinched from smiling. "I figured your order was pretty much the same," he said between bites, dipping his fries in his McFlurry. He was still the strangest, most unique person Zhenya had ever met in his life. He was also Zhenya’s favourite. Zhenya took conscious bites of his hamburger, the spongy bun sticking strangely in between his new teeth. It took him longer to eat than it would have at home, but it was admittedly nice to get to eat adult human food again out in the open, like a person. "We should do this more often," Sid said, staring into the depths of his milkshake. Zhenya had a feeling he was eating slowly for Zhenay’s sake. Zhenya’s heart gave a weak pang. It was the first time Sid had alluded to this thing they had going on expanding outside the bubble they had created for themselves. Sid had always been there for him but they didn’t hang out much on their own anymore, after everything went down. Zhenya hadn't trusted himself. But now Sid was still staying at his house; Zhenya hadn’t asked him to leave and Sid hadn’t brought it up either, filling Zhenya’s chest with an aching, glass-like hope "That would be good," Zhenya said, a pleasant warmth curling in his stomach. When they had finished their food, they bundled back up and jogged back to the hotel in the cold. "I win," Sid said when he opened the door first, and Zhenya didn't bother to restrain rolling his eyes.

[have-the-right-to-remain-silent]

Vent!!!!!!

Cw: discussion of weight, mentions of COVID-19

Since I was 5 I wanted to lose weight. For a long time I half-jokingly explained that it was because of me reading Merry Poppins and wishing to fly on an umbrella.

I never really DID anything for it. Not consciously. I had not a great appetite and sometimes forgot to it. I was (and probably, am) a spoiled brat, so I expected the numbers of weight to decline on its own. It was a cycle - I lost weight during school year and gained a little back on summer vacation. It was never a lot, I but I still felt unsatisfied every time.

I was slightly underweight for twelve years. I thought of it as it was an achievement. I had that "height minus 110 sm" thing engraved in my mind. My weight was approximately "height minus 115-118" and I was proud of it. I think that 11yo me would cry after seeing me the way I am now. Or not. I don't know and it saddens me.

Then puberty came and hit me like a train. I gained 10 kilos in two months (and grew 5 sm, but it didn't really mattered). I looked normal. I finally had some flesh on my bones. A lot of people told me that I looked better. But the thing is, after all those years, being skinny became a part of my identity. And I felt frustrated, and angry at myself and my body. I dreamed of being underweight again. When summer came, I was hoping to lose weight to return to my self.

It didn't happen. I gained weight again. At 12 I still looked slim. Not anymore. And I hoped again.

At my 14th summer I broke a leg. I layed in my bed and struggled with everything. I ate and read - like I always did, but I didn't move around enough to spent the energy. And I gained weight.

I didn't grew a millimetre since I was 12. So, I looked chubby. But of course, I thought of myself as disgustingly fat. Because it was my body that dared to gain weight. It was my body that disobeyed me. Because I still didn't do anything to lose weight - out of childhood habit. I tried not to eat sweets, tried to make some exercises - but I just ate more later, and I could not stick with my fitness plans. Hating myself was much easier.

A lot of things changed when I discovered Tiktok during the lockdown. My binge watching deepened my knowledge of English, I learned a lot more about queer community and foreign countries in general, but, more importantly, I discovered people. Different people with different body types who loved themselves nonetheless. And when I went to college that same year, I loved myself a little bit more.

I gained weight, I lost weight. I still cared. There were still people, who told me that in April I looked so much better than in September. But it was okay.

I lost 10 kilos last winter, due to COVID-19. (one thing lost by my family, fortunately). 5 kilos in two weeks ( probably, in three days when I could not eat), then two kilos in two months, then 3 kilos when I fell ill again. People told me that I looked better. I could fit into the clothes I almost buried in my closet. Before that I stood at the line of being overweight by the medical standards - which is, apparently, "height minus less than 90" in my country. After losing weight, it was not the case anymore.

I felt bad. I became weaker. I didn't feel like myself. It didn't felt right.

Summer before that, I bleached my hair for the first time. I looked good. People said that I blonde hair suits me. But when I stared at the mirror, it did not feel like my reflection. It was someone else.

It felt like that once more. Not for a long time. I gained a little again, and I felt better. The numbers were the nearly the same for a month or two, and I got used to it. I felt like my body were my friend once more. I had not that painful desire to lose and lose until nothing is left. It felt nice.

I finally gathered the strength to go to phycholotherapist and he wrote me a prescription for pills. One of the side effects was weight gain. I was afraid.

But my weight stayed more or less stable. I felt better physically and emotionally.

Month ago my doctor changed my prescription due to the new things I told him (i visit him every two months). One of the reasons were to help me stick with the healthy diet that I had to maintain for my stomach issues.

I lost 3 kilos. I haven't started eating healthier. I just don't eat. I had this problem before — when I skipped meals because I was too lazy to cook. Or because I didn't get the time. It just happens more often. Maybe it's warmer weather to blame, but I also don't feel the need to eat a lot.

I feel weak. I don't feel healthy. I can't force myself to eat for a lot of times. So I should not feel dissatisfied with my body for losing the weight I always wanted to lose.

One time I came to the conclusion that it was not only the change of appearance that bothered me. It was the change that I didn't do anything for. And I feel it once more.

I want people to do not praise me for this weight loss for it was not intentional. I want to feel like myself. But I guess I have to wait for when it will be stable again. Then I will do something about.

Or is that what I say to myself?

[thetruearchmagos]

Swift Seas And Whirlwinds

An Excerpt: Bristling Skies [Part 5]

Well, it's certainly been a hot minute since SSAW got an update! This is a bit plucked straight from my "Cutting Room Floor" Doc, which is to say I'm still undecided as to how it should look. Comments and critique is welcome, since it's still solidly a First Draft!

Tagging @lividdreamz @dogmomwrites @marinesocks @sanguine-arena @athenswrites @ceph-the-writing-spook @theprissythumbelina @thatndginger @jamieanovels @the-stray-storyteller @muddshadow

Over The Aukati Sea

The two Fauchers of 3e PA(E) were not the only ones up that morning. Two further patrols, far to their north and south, had been put in the air, just in case. Each of the six massive propeller driven maritime patrol craft, converted bombers themselves derived from some crude airliner, was packed to the gills with the finest tools their country had yet devised, and crewed by men with years of experience as the high flying wardens who kept vigil over these waters. Highly sensitive antennae lined each aircraft's nose, tail, and wingtips, and like the snouts of hounds they sniffed at the air for electronic odours. They would find them, eventually, and with that the ships and aircraft that were their source. Then, with the care of an artisan, they would track and chart their targets, shadowing their scent and forever staying beyond their detection ranges.

Operating as they were on full internal stores and with drop tanks strapped under their wings, the patrols could have taken off at midnight and come home in time for lunch, with a little fuel to spare. And having received no sign at all of his quarry, Traver was beginning to think that might end up being the case.

Then, it seemed as if some higher power had heard that thought. A call came through from Danette, and Merle's voice was a static-hazed cocktail of calm professionalism and barely hidden excitement.

"Contact, Capitaine! We are receiving emission signatures indicating one airborne and one surface carrier emission sensor, both Commonwealth Navy pattern."

Traver almost lept out of his seat, and around him the crew were similarly jolted into focus. 

"Bearing and range, Lieutenant!"

Traver swore he could hear Merle mile through the airwaves as he replied.

“Patience, Capitaine. Triangulating now.”

Traver strained to keep his mind level, thoughts racing as his own air crew checked and rechecked their instruments, while board the Danette Merle worked his own panel like a grand church organ.

"Southeast, Capitaine, bearing one-three-zero approximate and with low signal strength. I'd say they're far out still, recommend we change course to parallel theirs to the southwest, but keep the distance."

Seconds later, his own technical officer confirmed the report. The air inside the Adelle's crew compartment was beginning to warm up, as every man present slowly took in the enormity of their situation.

He checked his own plot, then moved to personally inspect the readouts on the technical officer's sensor displays. Things were moving fast now, and Traver rattled off his instructions to Merle as he worked. For once, he wished he had his inch-thick files on foreign instruments, because for reasons he couldn't quite place a finger on, something about his current tracks rubbed him the wrong way. Traver was the senior man in the patrol by barely a year, and he hadn't become a Captain at his age by not checking twice.

"Understood, Danette, course change authorised after we get the word out west. Prepare to broadca---"

He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes seeing something his mind couldn't quite understand. There was something wrong with the display, and for a brief second the cool professional drew a blank.

"Répéte, Capitaine?"

Traver almost thought he might have finally snapped. But he checked the readings, tuning dials and instruments for every scrap of information he could get. At such a distance as this, even his own sensors were hard stretched to detect anything in much detail, but as he recorded, manipulated, ripped apart and stitched back together the electronic song he was tuning into, he began to realise it was just a little bit off key. If only the decrepit old Instructors at the Technical Institute could see this!

"Danette, our target is not, repeat, not an enemy carrier! The electronic signature for their airborne control aircraft match what we know, but the supposed ship's readings do not by the barest margin. Patrol, shift heading to one-four-zero and keep at current speed. They are not our target, but I believe they will help us find them."

"Bien reçu, Adelle. Adjusting course now."

Merle's voice was no less steady, but his commander could sense the pressure building underneath, like fire in the belly of the world. He was a good aviator, and a fine commander, and neither of those qualities engendered a fondness for being wrong, especially where it counted. But Traver was sure that in this case, he was, and that sooner or later they'd all know for certain.

His answer would come sooner than he would think.

[littlebearpoetry]

I am...

The child of a soul lost in an ocean; The child of an angel whose country was lost in the war, Forced to grow up in a place that is not her own; Her soul, always filled with love, becomes my cornerstone.

 Here I am,

A child standing at Central Station, Waiting to get on the next streetcar, I dream of a ticket to freedom, To travel to the land of my dreams. My Lord, my Creator, he tells me to go Leaving behind all I know.

Abandoning the womb that held me close, I choose a life far from shelter and wealth. The mother who was forced to live somewhere else Watched me in tears flying to a foreign sky My head is filled with so many dreams, hopes, and wishes. It’s hard to comprehend the vastness of this big decision.

I’ve arrived, I am soaring high. Living in the New World filled with blue skies. But suddenly, there is confusion, heartache, and pain. Yet, I swear, I will never give up on my gains.

There is my baby, the baby of my dreams. But life is still tough, and scars appear. Yet, I continue to swear never to let go of my sphere. I’ve been knocked down before, but I’ve learned to always get up.

The years go by, and I leave and return. Arriving on ancient land, I know, will heal my pain and reaffirm. I vow, the longer I look, I sense I’ve been here many times past. I take it in and smile, knowing that I’m headed home at last.

I stand alone with my child for many more years, Still battling old and new scars. My soul knows that I am so close to home, Just be patient and stay strong.

Here they are, in the lands of the ancient. I listen and learn in self-effacement. I meet the man meant to complement my soul. To assist in the healing and patrol. I feel my Creator’s intentions return.

After decades of bad receipts, The healing is complete. I know I’m finally home. I am home and ready to achieve.

Part 2, August 2024

And then in a spur of a moment,  Everything I longed for disappeared. For more than a decade, I pleaded, For more than a decade, I feared, For the monster to gain access,  To strike while he is unaware, Allowing the beast to destroy what is so dear.

He’s sick, weak, and in terrible pain.  Laying there praying for mercy, Hoping for relief and strength to endure,  Yearning for the end of this ordeal.

A chance to start over,  A chance to smile without effort. Yet, he knows relief is not waiting around the corner. It’s hiding in the shadows, nowhere to be seen.

He’s worked hard for where he wanted to be. A titan, self-proclaimed, of iron will. He walked through fields of gold plagued by capital detriment. And while reaching for his dreams high-up in the blue, He’s become the silhouette against an ominous hue.

He is unconscious of the looming doom, a somber specter, grim and bad. He finds himself a victim of his pride, and his heart breaks.  Life’s harsh wings clip Hope’s fragile feathers.

Yet, his life has changed many times over before,  Like a river carving a winding path,  He navigated his vessel through gentle rain and storms.

But like a weathered sail in an endless sea, His journey encountered a deadened sea. No life stirred there, no breath of wind to flee, Just stagnant waters, and this awful smell of despair. 

The sail needs some fixing,  The captain needs reprieve.  Guided by his first mate, he will sail toward a new beginning. A new sunrise waiting beyond the darkness of now.

Standing on the bow are four hands on deck Reaching for God’s love and inner strength,  To face this storm of unparalleled height. As in the heart of every sailor, is a compass  To steer through storms, reaching calm seas somehow.

I’m here for him until we’re done. A silent guide and a willing echo, I’ll maintain my position as long as he abides. My time will come when he is healed; With the glory of God, I shall succeed! 

To be continued….

��Angelika Ursula Dietrich, May 5, 20024, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

[awanderingcanadian]

Wandering Around Mexico

We used the lure of an amazing affordable flight on Swoop Airlines to Cabo San Lucas, Baja Sur, Mexico, as our jumping off point for a wander around Mexico. My husband and I first met in the Baja WAY back in December, 1990, so it will always hold a special place in our hearts, and we’ve owned, (along with other family members), a place on the east coast of Mexico, in the Yucatan, for over 15 years now, but as this was my first winter being retired, we thought it would be fun to move about Mexico, catching up with friends who winter down here, and seeing new places.

As I posted last week, two nights in Cabo San Lucas was more than enough, and we happily boarded the bus to La Paz. La Paz, like everywhere, had also changed considerably since I was last there in 1990, however it is still a lovely place. When I was there previously no one, (except for one restaurant owner we encountered), spoke English. Now with the influx of foreigners escaping winter, a lot of English is spoken in shops and restaurants. We visited with friends, rented a car privately for a few days to visit some outlying beaches, watched some spectacular sunsets, and wandered around the town, even re-creating a photo 30 years later!

After a week on the Baja, we took an extremely affordable flight on TAR Aerolines directly from La Paz to Mazatlan. This is my first visit here and so far, I’m enjoying it. We are staying about a 20 minute bus ride north of central Mazatlan, at a very lovely condominium owned by a friend. We fall asleep every night to the sound of waves crashing on the beach outside of our open sliding glass doors, and wake up to this view every morning.

So far, we’re managing, lol!

Yesterday we met up with friends on Isla de Piedra, (Stone Island), which ironically isn’t an island at all, but a peninsula south of Mazatlan. The real attractions are the calm waters at the beach there, and that it has somehow retained a rustic charm, despite being a 7 minute boat ride across a channel from where massive cruise ships are docked. As of now, it doesn’t seem to be massively marketed to visitors, and that’s just fine with me! Walking to meet our friends we met up with a couple of friendly, but also shy, pot bellied pigs: what’s not to love? Here’s one of our pot bellied friends with his dog buddy:

Many people expressed reservations about us coming to Mazatlan in light of the one day of violence experienced a few hours north of here, and involving a nasty cartel. When it happened, we definitely started watching to see if the violence would escalate or spread south. We made a Plan B. However, the violence abated, and our plan B wasn’t needed. We have, however, been watching the senseless mass shootings about 25 minutes away from our former home in California, (in Halfmoon Bay), as well as the ones in Abbotsford, B.C, (right beside the airport we flew out of and fly back into at the end of February), and wonder if there will be travel advisories listed for those places as quickly as there was for Sinaloa? I’m guessing that the Abbotsford ones are gang related, (kind of like the cartel ones here). As for the U.S. ones…it’s just another day in America. They’ve had more than one mass shooting per day so far this year, and I can’t spend any more time feeling badly for a country that just won’t help itself.

Anyway, Mexico is pretty great. We’re seeing new places, keeping life slow, and leaning into this retirement thing!

[thehoneybuzz]

I got my first tattoo when I was 22 years old. My big brother came for a visit - we’d been best friends living on opposite coasts for 2 years by then. A giant Samoan gentleman named Buffalo kept the shop open late to bestow my first ink - a small elephant on my rib cage. Elephants communicate across continents, and it felt good to capture that kind of forever with my brother by my side. We’d always be there for each other - even if just through rumblings. My first tattoo meant “I love you” to my brother.

Just a year later I’d get the country of Iceland tattooed on my calf. I wanted to memorialize the trip I’d taken there. I had traveled by myself to a foreign country and scuba dived between the earth's tectonic plates in a glacial lake. I put the Icelandic word for love - “elska” in the outline of the continent because Iceland wasn’t just the setting of my first solo adventure. A boy named Ian Tanzer would show up 5 days into that trip and bend what he could of his broken knees. He proposed behind a waterfall. We celebrated in hot springs and by feeding Oreos to Icelandic horses. I felt I found my whole heart in Iceland. I found myself and my soul mate on its shores. My second tattoo meant “I love you” to me and the man I’d marry.

My third tattoo was a symbol from the Harry Potter series - the Deathly Hallows. I got it at 24 when my best friend, Reece, and I found ourselves back home together. Reece and I became best friends in the fifth grade when he was told to clean the chalkboard at recess. I offered to stay behind and help, a real Hermione Granger. Somehow our board cleaning devolved into a 409 war. We shot the cleaning material across the entire classroom, and when class resumed we were all but doused in bleach. Our friendship was born of mischief. He and I would wait in line together at every midnight release of the Potter series - at bookstores and movie theaters, alike. We’d be in Europe together, as sophomores in high school, for the release of the 5th movie. Not to spoil it for you - but Sirius Black dies. I sobbed into Reece’s shoulder outside the London theater. It wouldn’t be the last time I’d need that shoulder. My third tattoo - which later grew to read “mischief managed” meant “I love you” to my best friend.

That’s when it happened.

About 6 months later I was marrying my husband, and I couldn’t keep the secret anymore. I couldn’t walk into that next phase of my life without being honest. So. 3 days before my wedding I told my dad I had tattoos. I knew he wouldn’t like it. My brother's tattoos had strained their relationship - but my brother was also living under my fathers roof. I reasoned that since I was independent and doing well on my own (at 22, 23, and 24) that his usual arguments wouldn’t apply. I knew he’d be mad. I didn’t know it would be our last real conversation - that he wouldn’t attend my wedding. At 30 we are fully estranged.

And today is his birthday.

And five years after he’s turned his heart from me I still wish I could wish him a happy birthday. That’s grief.

I’ve got more tattoos now then I did five years ago. I added the flowers of my wedding bouquet to my rib cage. I covered my Iceland tattoo, but I love that it’s still almost there. It sits beneath Mount Rainier, a compass that points NorthWest, and a triangle outlined by lilacs. I missed my home more than I loved Iceland. Now I’ve climbed the mountain I honored on my skin. I got a bee on my ass that reminds me to “live one life” as an homage to a spirit quest taken solo in Peru. Not to mention the pilot I’ve got on my quad - I think that one might be more of a self-portrait than any of ‘em. Who I see myself as when I fly. The color wheel on my forearm is my favorite and most useful. Oh - and a few stars on my wrist as another nod to Harry Potter. I know. One Harry Potter tattoo is enough, but two felt better. Reece got a matching one within a week of mine, of course.

I wear myself on my skin, and at the site of it my creator turned from me. That hurts. It also gives you superpowers. I have been made stronger for this - so I have to be grateful for it. The last words I said to my father were this.

He asked if I would do it differently now. Knowing what I know - knowing how hurt he was - knowing that it would lead to (at that point) a year of not speaking - would I do it all the same?

I looked him in the eye and said, “I would not change the tenets of my character for you or anyone.” And that was that.

If someone turns from you in your power - they are not meant for you. And it’s not wrong for you to let them go. That’s the lesson I learned from my father. I don’t know why - but he could not see me. He likely never will. And that’s okay.

Because I am okay. I am healing and grieving. But - also - creating something beautiful.

So Happy Birthday, Dad. And fuck you

[yutahoes]

Universe

To the anon who requested this, please know that I love you to the moon and back. 🥰

pairing: boyfriend! Japanese actor! Yuta Nakamoto x Miss Universe candidate! foreign! female! Reader  word count: 2.4k words  genre: fluff  summary: Your boyfriend is always supportive of your journey to the crown.  warnings: cursing, a lot of crying, long distance relationship, a lot of beauty and pageant talks

taglist: @joepomonerof @iwannabreathetosetmefree @yujaesbestiee @jaesqueso @notmejustmymind @what-sarah @nuoyipeach @xxhaneulxx @degreeandfangirling @channie301 @a-place-filled-with-random @imjaeforyou @yeolsechanhun @multiyuta @notworthit24 @anonjyxd @sourirensoleille @ytzvivi @queensnowdon @yutiddies @blueeyedlove-blog1 @coolkimchijoy16 @mamamohatd0g

It was a long day. Interviews, ramp practice, all the smiling for the camera. It is just so tiring. It also doesn't help that everyone will judge who will be the next Miss Universe tomorrow night. And it adds to your nervousness. 

You were lucky to win against the local girls and represent your country for the Miss Universe crown. Winning the pageant against other pretty girls will be a shot to the moon. 

But that is not what your followers thought when you started opening your live after a tiring day. You just wanted to get some support and maybe ease your nervousness by talking to the people who had supported you since the beginning. 

‘Go for the crown!’ 

‘You are the prettiest’ 

‘Who are you with?’

You smiled at the question then leaned in to get a closer look, “My parents are here to support me.” 

All the messages were gushing at how pretty you are or how you had the biggest chance to win the Miss Universe crown. You tried to thank the compliments you received and answered the questions like what you ate for dinner or if you’re ready for the pageant tomorrow. 

A certain comment attracted your attention, coming from a username you knew by heart, ‘Wow. You are super pretty’ Maybe you just missed him. 

But all the comments were talking about him. How you look cute as a couple and how supportive he is in your journey. ‘Where is Yuta?’ 

“He’s busy filming for his movie so he cannot fly here.” You answered gracefully just as his comment ‘Sorry’ can be seen. “I miss him.”

‘I miss you too, love.’ 

A spawn of heart emojis can be seen in the comments that made you giggle. 

Before, you thought dating someone would hinder the path you were taking. That was what all the people around you would say. But when you first met Yuta, at a charity event, you knew you cannot escape him. He is so charming that you found yourself talking only to him throughout the party. 

Every time you talk to him, he makes sure to listen to you. And it wasn’t until the fourth month of dating him that you found out that he is a Japanese actor with a prolific background in his home country. It never was about him so you never knew. Not that he didn’t trust you, he also shared some devastating things about his career at times, but he never wanted your careers to be the center of your relationship. 

And that is the reason why you’ve been staying strong after all these years. 

“Have you seen the photos?” You asked Yuta on the phone, lying in bed. You turned off the live and he called, checking on you. “I don’t know whether to wear the royal blue or silver one for the evening gown.” You shared, sighing. “The stylists wanted me to wear the blue one but I like the silver one.” 

A smile can be heard from him, “Shouldn’t you go with the one you’re most comfortable with?” 

You hummed in response, “But they wanted me to stand out. And I don’t like that.” 

“You’re going to stand out whatever happens,” he claimed then chuckled. “Because you’re the prettiest there.” You groaned. He’s not helping with the nervousness. “You have a big day tomorrow. Get some rest, I’ll return to filming.” You hummed, not really wanting to end the call yet. But you knew he might be busy on his own as well. “Good luck tomorrow, my Miss Universe.” 

You chuckled before saying ‘I love you’ and then hanging up the call. A big day tomorrow. You’ll just have to do your best tomorrow.

The girls were already rushing to get themselves done as the day drew to an end. The staff kept on reminding that there’s only an hour left before the live pageant that only made your heart thump crazily in your chest. You met with your parents beforehand and are left to be on your own in styling yourself. 

Even seeing yourself in the mirror feels nerve-wracking. Why are the other girls looking so good in their swimsuits? You wrapped the scarf, which is a part of the swimsuit, around your hip as you debated whether to put your hair up or down. Is your lipstick enough? Shouldn’t it be bolder like the other contestants? 

You sighed. This is enough for now. 

You made your way out of the dressing room and into the backstage hallway. Maybe you’ll just wait here and ease your nerves by talking to the other girls. A commotion was happening, the girls squealing that confused you. When the way was cleared, you just saw a huge bouquet of pink roses. Oh, must be one of the girl’s sponsors. “Y/N’s here.” One girl said that made you surprised. What?   

The bouquet was handed to you and you shakingly took it just as the person holding it can be seen. He was smiling at you then mouthed the words ‘surprise’ at your shocked state. “What are you doing here?” You asked, dropping the roses to the ground and leaning in to hug him. His hand automatically wrapped around you, resting on your waist as he chuckled. “I thought you have a shoot today.” 

“I can’t really miss this important night.” 

“You said you’ll watch at home.” 

“And not see you in your bikini live?” Yuta laughed, “I’d rather die, Y/N.” 

You hugged him once again just to make sure that he isn’t a figment of your imagination. To make sure that he really is here and you’re not making him up just because you miss him. “You’ll do great,” he whispered, hugging you tight. “You are the prettiest here.” 

Of course you’re not. Seeing as you were surrounded by girls from different countries, looking like a bombshell in their bikinis, you realized how biased your boyfriend is. “And whatever happens, you’ll always be my universe.” He said loud enough for the other girls to hear which made them swoon. He let go of the hug, staring at you with a proud smile on his face. “Good luck and I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

“And love, wear the silver dress,” he claimed before touching the bracelet on your wrist. The charm bracelet he gave you during their your anniversary. “It matches well with the bracelet.” 

You nodded, “I will.” 

You smiled to yourself once Yuta’s back can be seen walking away from the backstage full of bikini-clad girls. The nervousness was down a little bit knowing that he’s here watching. 

That, and the fact that he was sitting beside your parents, made walking on the stage like a breeze. Your gaze would always divert to them and they had the most sincere smile on their faces. Your dad was right, you’ve gone a long way. It was just local pageants, just wanting to make a name for your family. And the next thing you know, you’re in the Miss Universe stage. Just this milestone is making you proud enough. 

But when you were called for the Top Sixteen finalists, you couldn't be any happier. The excitement in the crowd can be heard when you were called for the top five, startling you. You never expected to reach this far in the competition, you’re already enough just gracing the stage. 

As per your boyfriend’s request, you wore the silver gown and were thankful that you had the safest choice. The four other contestants either have blue or red gowns. Maybe their stylists also think that they should stand out. And they really should. 

Being next to four really gorgeous girls is making you more nervous. When you were called for the question and answer portion, the crowd cheering was so loud that the host had to wait for them to calm down, making you giggle. He inquired about the surprise backstage and you smiled dearly at Yuta’s way, admiring him for flying from Japan just to see you tonight. 

The question was given about how you can help the world if you became Miss Universe and you answered about how you wanted to help the children by helping build schools and supporting the charities of different countries with all your might. An advocacy that you had been doing since the beginning. 

It wasn’t a perfect answer. Probably because of nervousness and you regret it a lot while hearing the others' eloquent answers. But being in the top five is good enough. ‘You did well, Y/N’ you kept on telling yourself. 

While announcing the runner-ups, you desperately wished that your country’s name would be called. But as the spot got nearer to the top, your heart felt like it would drop to your stomach. You felt like puking when they called the second runner up and it was not your country. The other girl, with milky white skin and gorgeous blonde hair, was smiling as she held your hand. She looks like a Barbie Doll and you were sure that she would get the crown. 

And she deserves it. 

Your country’s name was called and the Barbie Doll in front of you started congratulating you. Your country was called once again, asking you to take the center stage. Wait, what? You lightly glanced at your parents way and they were standing, clapping while your mom had tears in her eyes. Yuta was standing up, clapping and mouthing that you won. 

You checked the teleprompter to make sure that the host really called your country and glanced at the girl you were with earlier, as they put the small crown on her hair and a sash which read ‘1st runner up’.

What? You won the pageant? 

The Miss Universe before you congratulated you before putting the heavy crown on your head. The executives of the pageant handed you a bouquet of wonderfully assembled flowers and put on the sash that says ‘Miss Universe’. “You may now take your first walk as the Miss Universe.” 

You were still shocked at what happened that you started mindlessly walking towards the stage, looking at everyone who was cheering and mouthing congratulations on you, feeling the heavy crown on your head and hearing the cheers of the people. Seeing how the people who mattered to you, your parents and your countrymen waved their flags in support with tears in their eyes, made you tear up. 

This is so unexpected. And you were overwhelmed with a lot of emotions that you only cried in the middle of the stage. The other girls came rushing to you, hugging you and greeting you, telling you not to cry but you cannot help it. You knew the cameras were already off, the live streaming is done when the host congratulated you and the executives came to greet you. 

You hugged your mom first and she was crying with you, telling you how proud she was of you, how far you have reached in life. You removed the crown on your head, placing it on top of hers. “I cannot do this without you, mom. This is for you.” And she cried some more that made you laugh while crying. 

Your dad, usually the strong one who doesn’t show emotions, was tearing up while calming your mom. He was just nodding at you like a typical quiet man that he usually is then tapping your shoulder while whispering, “I’m so proud of you.”    

The girls started greeting you, telling you how they were sure you would win. Even the Barbie doll hugged you tight gushing at how pretty you are in your dress and how confident you looked while answering the question. You noticed how your boyfriend was just standing in one corner, without any plan to walk towards you. So even if your feet were hurting because of the heels you were wearing, the staff and other girls stopping you to say their congratulations, you made your way to him. 

Yuta pulled you by the waist once you were inches away from him, “Is it my turn now?” You giggled then nodded. He kissed your forehead, “I knew you’ll win. You are the prettiest.”

“You are so biased.” 

“It’s not just me who thinks that. The whole universe even says so.” He made a point by showing the sash that you forgot to remove. “God, I am the luckiest guy on Earth.” Then he laughed, “The whole universe rather.” You slapped his arm lightly. 

Then it occurred to you. Being the reigning Miss Universe meant you’ll go around the world for your advocacies and charities. Not that you mind it, it was what you wanted to do all along. But that would mean you’ll be away from your family and Yuta for long periods of time. “Are you alright with this?” You asked in worry. You knew how the other pageant holders before you broke up with their boyfriends during their time as Miss Universe. Will that happen to you and Yuta? 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, nuzzling your head on his neck. You don’t want to lose the title and you don’t want to lose Yuta as well. You hope you don’t have to choose between the two. “Well, I just have to share you with the universe for maybe one to two years?” Yuta whispered while brushing the strand of your hair, “We’ll be in a long-distance relationship again but I will call you every night and message you every day. I’ll even fly to where you are if the schedule allows it.” 

“I’ll make sure to answer your calls and reply to your messages. I’ll visit you in Japan and watch your shoots if I have time.” 

Yuta smiled then cupped your cheeks, “We’ll make it work, hmm?” You nodded. You will. “Two years maximum of being Miss Universe then you’ll be Mrs. Nakamoto after. I think I can live with that.” He said with a laugh and you giggle, poking his stomach playfully. 

“Excuse me,” One of the staff said quietly, making you look at him, “The executives wanted to see you, Miss Y/N.” 

“I’ll just freshen up a bit. Thank you.” He nodded and you turned to Yuta, pouting. “I think work starts now.” 

He smiled genuinely, fixing your hair. “Go and be their Miss Universe,” He kissed your forehead then your nose before kissing your lips in a quick smack. “My universe.”  

[miekasa]

okay but what about airport!levi? he gives quiet businessman vibes sitting in his slacks and turtleneck

IN HIS TURTLENECK 😭😭 He would also be quiet and to himself, but not in the emo way. You got me thinking about all of them now, so here are my other thoughts about the boys at the airport.

Levi

He thinks the idea of separating classes on an airplane is beyond stupid, but if the flight is particularly long, or particularly packed, he’s not above paying for business class for a little extra personal space for the two of you.

When he doesn’t do that, tho, he never picks your guys’ seats ahead of time, so sometimes you’ll be separated. Good thing he’s also not above lying at the check-in desk, “I’m in Zone 1, could my wife be seated next to me so that we can board together?”

They respond with an “of course,” and move your seats together, and Levi walks back with a content nod of appreciation. You are not married, and marriage sucks about as much as class separation on a 30 foot long plane, but it has its benefits.

Masks on, regardless. No debates. Pandemic or not, the mask stays on. Do not perceive him, keep the pressurized air sharing to a minimum.

Doesn’t wander much in the airport. There’s nothing in there that he hasn’t seen already, except for the marked up prices on touristy t-shirts.

And if you wander, he’ll usually just sit in the waiting area to watch your bags while you window shop and do your thing. If you’re gone for more than 30 mins, he might call, under the pretenses of, “Making sure you didn’t get lost. You know that Starbucks was near gate 41 to the left, not the right, right?” Like he’s a comedian or something 🙄

He does encourage you to get snacks before you board, tho. Airplane food is gross, and he would much rather pay for a $13 sandwich that you can snack on later, than for you to have to eat mush.

He’s got a little portable mug he takes with him for when he’s wants to buy a hot drink before getting on his flight. It’s cute.

Doesn’t fall asleep on the plane ever. No matter how long the flight is—at most, he’ll take a quick power nap somewhere in the middle if it’s over 9 hours, but other than that, he’s good to go.

Doesn’t mind if you fall asleep, and he always adjusts your neck pillow to make sure you don’t get cramps.

Jean

Travel champion. This man loves being in the airport even though he’s convinced it’s a time capsule, he fucking loves it.

King of “your airport fashion matters, babe.” Not necessarily wearing a whole three piece suit, but he does put in a little effort; it’s not just the first pair of sweats he has laying around.

Swears coffee tastes better in the airport. It does not. That does not stop him from buying it. He should learn to quit tho, especially for someone who hates airplane bathrooms as much as he does.

Charming with all the security personnel and desk assistants. You could be checking in for a flight at 4am, and Jean’s got people smiling and cheery for their shifts.

Bitches about the selection of movies on the flight, and learns to just download his own ahead of time. Gets really startled when he’s watching something and the flight attendants try to grab his attention for food or drinks—the very loud, classic, Jean Kirstein “HUH?”

On that note, he also gets startled by the loudspeaker announcements in the airport. He doesn’t know why he has to hear about American Airlines flight 2170 to Cancun, when he is not on American Airlines flight 2170 to Cancun.

Not opposed to paying extra for better airplane food or drinks on the plane if it’s the right time of day. He always finds something to toast to, plus he likes to treat you whenever and wherever he can.

Takes care of your overhead luggage and helps out the people around him if he sees they’re struggling. Gets shy when you call him a gentleman for it, and he rubs his neck, grumbling, “I was just helping the line move a little faster.”

Great timing, generous, will pick up your checked bags for you, and already rented a car a week in advance: 10/10 travel buddy.

Porco

He doesn’t like planes and there’s no solid reason why—nothing bad happened to him as a kid, and it’s not even that rare unfortunate incidents freak him out or anything—something flying just makes him a bit uneasy.

He won’t say it though, and he tries to keep it together when you’re checking in, but you can tell he’s anxious once you’re sitting and waiting for your flight to board.

He’ll ask to switch seats if you have the window seat, because somehow the feeling of being boxed in between the plane wall/window and another person makes it feel more like a car than a plane and he’s okay with that.

Going to the airport is one of the few times he hair won’t be styled, and falls in his face a bit. He usually throws on a beanie to cover it up, but you think he looks pretty cute either way.

Can’t usually fall asleep and he hates it because he just sits there thinking about the worst for the entire duration of the flight. But when you travel with him for the first time and coax him into taking a nap it’s so much better.

It’s about the only time he’ll let himself be publicly babied by you; but it makes everything so much easier that he doesn’t even mind.

So now, whenever you get on flights, he just puts his hood up, lays his head on your shoulder and waits for the magic to happen.

Bonus: you’re traveling with his friends, and Pieck and Marcel past to your seats, surprised to see Porco fast asleep on your shoulder. Pieck squeals, going on about how you must be a wizard to have gotten him to nap, to which Marcel just shakes his head, “Nah, he’s just really in love with her. Look at his face, that’s the calmest he’s been since he was five.”

Connie

Loves the airport. Not an ounce of organization in his soul though. By that I mean, yeah, he’s probably forgotten his passport at home, or forgotten that a full size bottle of body wash cannot go into his carry-on luggage.

Forgets to wear shoes that easy to take off and is fumbling over himself after the security check trying to lace them back up or put them back on.

Likes for you guys to have coordinating sweatsuits, and even though you don’t travel super often, Connie’s got at least 3 pairs of them lined up for you guys.

Sweet enough to drop plans or rearrange his schedule to travel with you if you were originally gonna be alone. He knows you can handle yourself, but he doesn’t want for you to travel alone if you don’t have to, especially if you’re going someplace far and/or for an extended period of time.

He always finds breakfast food to eat before he gets on his flight (if you two even have time to spare for food that is). It could be 9pm, but Connie’s asking for a breakfast wrap.

Hates waiting in the little pre-flight area. Claims it’s boring as hell and that’s why there’s no reason to get there 3 hours early 🙄🙄

He always spends at least 30 minutes browsing all the movie and TV show options available on-board, loudly exclaiming in excitement when they have something cool to watch—only to fucking fall asleep 10 minutes later. Right on top of you when he was oh-so-excited to watch Madagascar 2.

Always steals the aisle seat, even if it’s yours. It’s probably for the best though, because he has to get up to pee at least twice, no matter how short your flight is.

Makes some cheeky remark about you meeting him in the bathroom. He doesn’t mean it... unless he does. Unfortunately, you’ve never... successfully been able to do that out of fear of being caught by the flight attendants, but there have been a few quickies in the “family” (“It’s ethical, because technically we’re participating in the act of making a family, babe”) bathroom before you boarded. It’s his fault, not yours.

Armin

He really likes planes, and traveling in general. I think trains would be his favorite mode of transportation, but airplanes are good too.

I hate to say it but he claps when the plane lands. I will not elaborate or defend my stance on this.

Prefers the window seat because he likes to look out at the clouds as he’s in the sky.

He took his passport photo a little before he cut his hair, so the security personnel always hold it up and flicker between his ID photo and his current appearance a few times before stamping it. It makes him a little embarrassed because he can’t tell if they think he looks better or worse and sometimes he’s really fighting for his life convincing them that that’s him in the picture 😭

Listens to music rather than downloading a movie or watching a show, and always brings wire headphones to the airport so that it’s easier to share and listen with you.

If you fall asleep on him first, he’ll likely fall asleep on you shortly after. If he’s tired enough, he’ll fall asleep first, though he’s somewhat embarrassed and disappointed because he wanted to see the descent and skyline outside.

When he’s not asleep or window-watching, he’s somewhat fidgety out of excitement, rather than nervousness. He’s excited to be traveling and looks forward to wherever you’re going, even if it is just a weekend long work trip.

Hates traveling alone, though. It just feels particularly lonely to him to be going someplace foreign without company by his side. So, he’ll call you at every checkpoint and send you updates.

He only ever buys two things in duty free: shot glasses with the name of the city/country you’re traveling to, and whatever variety of button down short-sleeves are available to him.

Erwin

You knew this was coming, but this man is absolutely at the airport 18 hours before your flight takes off, and he’s driving like a manic getting there, like you don’t have all the time in the world.

Fascinated by anything and everything in duty free. Definitely spends more money than necessary on your return flight on the grounds that he was getting a good deal.

Exchanges money in the airport and keeps cash in his fanny pack. There’s no traveling without the fanny pack.

Plays crossword puzzles on his phone on the plane, and it’s just about one of the only games he has. That and Candy Crush—I get the feeling he’d be on level 500+ of that game and he always knocks out at least 10 levels on a flight.

Always a little surprised when he feels his your head on his shoulder, but he says nothing, and acts like he didn’t even notice, but there’s a telling little smile on his face.

Takes the most foul selfies of him and your sleeping self. In his defense, he had the best intentions; but that angle was flattering nobody. It’s too bad he’d already paid for the in-flight wifi and sent it to Hange because now you’ll never live them down.

You could probably get him to put on a (skincare) face mask during your flight. He forgets to take it off tho, and if you don’t tell him, he’d fully walk through customs with it on his face.

Accidentally gets drunk because he doesn’t understand that just because he can handle several glasses of whiskey in his favorite bar on a Friday night, does not mean it will translate on a plane.

[glowingbadger]

The Sylvain and Dimitri arranged marriage stuff made me think of a claude version of it. Maybe an AU where Claude never came to fodlan and reader has to marry the prince/king of Almyra to improve countries relationships. Anyway seriously love your stuff thank you so much for the content!!

Oh hoo Anon, this is a wonderful take on the concept. Let's see what I can whip up for us~

((side note I feel like we never learn whether Almyra speaks a different language from Fodlan?? But being multi-lingual is sexy so idgaf))

((And also I used Bengali for Almyran because I have Bengali family and the language is so beautiful even though the english alphabet phonetic spellings are weird af))

Claude x Reader - Arranged Marriage

NSFW 18+ (like only towards the end tho idk)

Overall, you do what you can to stay out of the way. You'd been sent to Almyra as a symbol- a token, more than anything else. Now that you were in King Khalid's possession, very few throughout the castle paid you any particular mind. You were provided for, of course. Anything you cared to ask for was given. But you didn't speak a word of the Almyran language, and those who bothered to use what they knew of Fodlan's to communicate with you seemed to view you as a pet to be kept safe and healthy, and little else.

By week's end, there was to be a lavish banquet in honor of your union with the King- though of course, your input on the proceedings is entirely unwanted. In some ways, Almyra is quite similar to Fodlan. Court life is much the same. As you wander through the royal gardens, wondering at a range of colorful and exotic flowers you'd never heard of, let alone seen, a voice speaks smoothly behind you.

"Did you know you can actually eat the petals of this particular flower? They're very sweet."

You whirl around and nearly bump into King Khalid. You're about to stammer out an apology, but he reaches out and plucks a single white petal and holds it before your lips.

"Go on, I think you'll like it."

Whatever possesses you to eat a flower petal from this man's hand is something you'd rather leave unexamined for the time being- but he is right about the flavor. It's sweet, but not overly so, and quite pleasant.

"Hm! Yeah, it's nice," you say, then glance up at him as another thought occurs to you that you'd considered once or twice before, "You speak the language of Fodlan very well, my Lord."

"I'm flattered," he says with a disarmingly handsome smile, "and please, just Khalid. I don't think I could bear to have my own wife stand on such formality with me."

He says it so naturally, as if you'd been planning this union for years. Though, once again, he's right. This is only perhaps the dozenth time you've exchanged words, but you are wed, and you ought to get used to addressing him as your husband.

"Khalid..." you say tentatively, "Did- did you need something from me? I hope I wasn't too much trouble to find."

"Not when you find such pleasant places to hide," he replies, still wearing that easy smile, "but to be honest, I was actually hoping you'd accompany me for the day. I can finally afford to take a bit of time away from the castle, and I think you and I both would appreciate some space to breathe. What do you say?"

Correct once again. You nod, and take the arm he offers you. As he leads you out from the gardens, he points out a few more plants native to your new homeland. They're incredibly varied, each more strange and vibrant than the last. All the while, he's somehow made you feel as though you're chatting with an old friend. You leave the gardens and wander towards the area you vaguely recall to be designated for horse stables and wyvern stalls.

From there, a few things happen in sequence. Khalid asks if you're afraid of flying. He asks if you trust him to hold on to you. He helps you up onto the saddle that seems impossibly high up on its own right, and then, you're propelled into the air with a force your body has never felt before. You tense and shrink back against his chest, clinging to whatever part of the saddle you can find purchase on for dear life. Up here, it's difficult to pick up, but you feel your husband laugh behind you, then his strong arm wrap around your waist.

"Relax, I won't let anything happen to you," he says against your ear, his voice sure and steady, "I've got you."

And it takes a few miles of flying and a lot of Khalid distracting you by pointing out different buildings and shops along the streets below, but eventually, you do manage to relax- at least a little.

The castle town is positively buzzing with activity. Even from your distance in the sky above, you can see clusters of people moving around each other like fish up stream, and even hear the faint echoes of a merchant advertising goods.

"It doesn't seem at all like the Almyra we're taught about in Fodlan."

"Oh, it is," Khalid assures you with a bemused chuckle, "But it's also much more. I imagine it's the same for your people. There's a lot we can learn from one another, I think."

By the time the sun is high in the sky, you've passed the most densely settled part of town and are gliding over farmland and the occasional pocket of forest and rivers that split and cross through the earth like veins. Though, the warmer climate of Almyra will still take some getting used to, and it seems your husband considers this.

"Let's land for a bit and find some shade,"

You nod, and he directs his wyvern to begin a slow descent.

The King had thought of everything for this little day-trip, it seemed. Having evidently packed everything you'd need in the saddlebags on his steed, you now recline beside him on a plush blanket in a clearing amidst the trees. A small brook bubbles down from stone to stone in small waterfalls beside you, and the air feels positively alive with birdsong and rustling leaves, all foreign to you and all part of your new home. And so is he, you think as you glance over at the handsome figure of your husband beside you.

You'd been sitting in a comfortable quiet, munching on a couple of very dense pastries which Khalid had told you incorporated an extract of the flower you'd sampled earlier. He gives a satisfied sigh as he finishes his first and lies back on the blanket, taking in and savoring a deep breath. As you finish the last bites of your own treat, you reflect on the day thus far. You'd learned much about the locals and their daily lives by observation and Khalid's description in such a short time, and he'd even taught you a hand full of basic words and phrases in Almyran.

"Uhm, Khalid?"

He opens one eye and gives you a sideways glance.

"It was... dhonnobad, right? Thank you?"

His smile his open and warm, his eyes practically shimmering in the reflected sunlight from the nearby brook.

"Well, we'll have to work on your pronunciation, but I'm impressed you remembered," he beckons you down onto the blanket beside him, and you follow, lying on your side as he turns towards you. You're closer than you'd anticipated, even given the limited realestate of the blanket, and you internally scold yourself for being shy about something so silly- like some naive adolescent.

"Let's try a couple more words, since you've been such a diligent student."

"Okay," you say with a smile, "try me, I'll do my best."

"Hmm..." he looks around your private clearing, then gestures towards the brook and says, "Jala"

"Jala," you repeat slowly. He nods,

"Right- that's 'water'. And, uhm..." he points toward a patch of wildflowers at the edge of the brook, "Phula. That's 'flower'."

Again, you repeat as best you can, and though you know your pronunciation must be off, he's encouraging nonetheless. Then, he leans in towards you, and brings his free hand to your cheek, his fingertips brushing your skin lightly.

"Now try sundara."

"... Sundara?" you make an attempt, and you're sure you got something about that 's' sound mixed up, but Khalid just gives you a slanted smile. He doesn't clarify at first, so you ask, "What does that one mean?"

His fingers slowly weave back into your hair, and his voice is low and soothing as he replies,

"That means 'beautiful'."

Your face warms immediately, but you hardly have a moment to feel bashful about it before he presses his lips to yours, kissing you slow and deep. His movements are effortlessly sensual, pulling you towards him and sending your pulse pounding through your veins. You part your lips to him almost instinctively, and the way he uses his tongue is sparing, but oh-so effective. When he finally pulls away, your head is spinning and it's all you can do to meet his gaze.

"So... that's how they kiss in Almyra." you say, barely above a whisper. Khalid smirks and turns you onto your back, sliding an arm around your waist.

"Oh, no- there's no tradition in this, only skill."

Goddess- if they'd warned you of the King's supernatural charms, you wouldn't have believed them. But now his lips are on yours once again, and he's holding your body to his, and you can't think of anything else. Your arms drape across his shoulders, and faster than you can track, your bodies have met in a tangled, impassioned embrace. It was hard to imagine that mere kissing could feel so erotic, but something about his pace, about how his lips and hands move in tandem, about how thorough he is in exploring you, makes you feel like it would be only natural to give yourself over to him completely.

His kiss travels along your jawline up to the shell of your ear, where he nips briefly, then murmurs,

"I was hoping to apologize for how little time we've had to get to know each other before today," you bite at your bottom lip as his hand slides down to the curve of your hip, "if that would be pleasing to you, my dearest wife."

"Ye- yes..." you sigh into the open air as his lips reach your neck. The single word is all either of you need. He never stops pressing lavish kisses to your lips and neck as he pulls your clothing out of his way. By the time he's satisfied, your clothes are draped off your arms and pooling around you on the blanket- and he doesn't seem to care to remove them entirely. He has a goal in mind.

Slowly, painstakingly, he makes his way down your body. You feel him everywhere- hands tracing and memorizing your frame, breath hot across your skin as his lips spoil you with adoring kisses. Soon enough, he's kissed his way to your lower stomach, and he urges your thighs apart beneath him. You suppress the instinctive wave of embarrassment at being exposed to him for the first time- he is your husband and your King, afterall- but then, his head dips down towards your plump lower lips, and your mind goes white.

"Khalid-!" you gasp out as his tongue trails coyly up the crease of your folds. He hums contentedly, and places a disarmingly chaste kiss to the soft skin. Then, his thumbs gently spread you open for him, and your entire body burns while he takes a moment to merely admire you- your pretty little hole already wet, your clit already hard and flushed dark. When his head lowers once more, his green eyes meet yours steadily, as though to promise without words to be good to you.

And in a moment, his mouth begins to gently tease your clit, and your head tilts back on the blanket. Your hips jerk just a bit with each pass of his tongue across the sensitive bundle, and occasionally you can't hold in a gasp or whimper of pleasure. This only encourages him, of course. The more you moan and sigh, the more dedicated he becomes to your body. He presses himself more firmly to you, his lips surrounding your clit and the surrounding tender flesh, and he suckles on you, licks you, kisses you. You don't know when it happened, but your hands are at the back of his head, fists tangled in thick brown hair as he diligently works.

The unbearable tension is winding tight and anxious in your lower body- you know he'll drive you to climax before long, and the mere thought feels like falling in love. And then Khalid moves lower, and his tongue dips inside of your entrance. You gasp and unwittingly tug on his hair- but he certainly doesn't seem to mind. With a lustful groan, he presses more firmly to you, truly buried against your body as his dexterous tongue curls upward, stroking the vulnerable spot behind the nerves of your clit.

"Khalid!" this time it's nearly a scream, and you're grateful that your voice is lost in the surrounding foliage. Your thighs begin to shake, and your hands release him to instead clutch the blanket behind you. And at last, with a whimper in a voice you hardly recognize, your lower body floods with soaked warmth as your orgasm sweeps through you. Panting, twitching, you moan out for your husband over and over, until finally, the wave begins to subside, and Khalid pulls away to position himself above you on all fours.

"That's a nice expression..." he says with a grin, directing you to look at him with a hand at your chin, "I hope I'll get to see it often."

When your eyes finally refocus, you look up at him somewhat apologetically,

"I should... attend to you."

He laughs and kisses your forehead,

"There will be time for that tonight, don't you think? Once we're a bit more... put together," he says with a glance at your bare form, "we should head back to our ride. I'll bring you back to the castle, and we'll get the cooks to prepare something very 'Almyran' for you."

You nod- it probably wouldn't do for the first time with your Lord Husband to be mid-day in the woods. Though he'd certainly failed to make it seem unappealing.

"And then," he goes on, bringing a finger to trace the curve of your bottom lip, "Well, maybe we'll excuse ourselves to our bedchamber a bit early this evening, and we can continue this little... cultural exchange."

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden: Booklet 3

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At that moment, I found myself thinking, “Aah, maybe if I disappeared, if I vanished right now, nobody would notice.”

Once I thought this, I could no longer think of anything else.

Before I realized, my hands and feet had moved. I slowly moved my whole body and left that place behind.

Nobody called for. Nobody tried to stop me.

Which was why I was now hiding. I was in a corner of a maze of roses in the royal palace of this forest kingdom.

I looked up at the sky. It was overcast. The air was a little heavy, so there was a chance of rain.

Was anyone looking for me by now? No, they might not have noticed. I could bet a hundred of Drossel’s white camellias that they hadn’t. “That wouldn’t be a bet,” someone said from within my mind.

——What will happen to me if I just stay here like this?

I tried to think calmly. Firstly, I would get hungry. My body would get bitten by insects. The sky was looking shady, so rain might come pouring down on me. I would get a fever from the cold, and then... and then... and then...

The power of my imagination was scarce, so the scenario ended there.

Stretching out my dress’s sleeves and removing my long gloves, I plucked the grass with a bare hand. Picking up some rose petals that had fallen to the ground, I threw them into the air even though they would not fly too far. I looked almost like a child trying to contain her bad mood. Most likely, if anyone saw me, they would wonder what on earth the queen of Fluegel was doing.

Why had I grown up to be like this? All I ever did was think big of small matters and be in a state of chaos. It was such a weak mindset, which people most likely wouldn’t expect to come from someone born in a family that was meant to rule a country.

“Members of the royal family are actually not supposed to expose their original selves. Under no circumstance should you forget that you must act with dignity and be a role model to your subjects.”

Even though I had already become a wife, I behaved like a little girl.

“However...”

I had experienced a romance like the ones that young girls dream with.

“...from my long time working in the court...”

I fell in love and won my beloved lord over.

“...these have been the most memorable Public Love Letters. Yes... in a good sense.”

After running and running, I was now living the aftermath of that.

My name is Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel. Already a year had passed ever since I married off to Fluegel.

   Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel and the Forest Kingdom

   Drossel and Fluegel – no matter what could happen to these two nations in the future, they had me as their intermediary princess. If I happened to die in this rose labyrinth without anybody ever finding me, I wanted someone to remember that.

As to why things had turned out like this, I’d have to rewind my life a little to explain. I had to mix up the cauldron of time that made the hours pass.

How far back was I supposed to go?

That beautiful golden-haired girl. My favorite. The ghostwriter who had become a mediator for my romance.

Rewinding to the times of Violet Evergarden’s Public Love Letters would be going back too far. It should be a bit later. Perhaps the appropriate would be around the time when I, who was once the third princess of Drossel – that beautiful country where white camellias bloomed in copious amounts –, went away and changed my surname. Yes, right, that was adequate enough.

Fluegel was a neighboring country of prosperous forestry. I was married to the man who had the priority rights to succeeding its throne. Letting go of everything that I had cherished until then, I married off.

I had transformed from a girl into an adult. Although my appearance hadn’t changed much, that was my status.

My husband was Damian Baldur Fluegel. He was the person who possessed the rights of succession as the next monarch at the beginning of our marriage, but a few days ago, he had inherited the throne from his father and become a king both in name and reality. In other words, I had become the queen as well.

Probably the worst queen in history. After all, I had run away.

   Let me try to trace the rewound time with exact precision.

Fluegel’s capital was a city of fresh greenery, which had a castle erected in the depths of a forest. Said royal palace couldn’t be considered sturdy or showy, but it was in perfect harmony with the nature, endowed with a calculated beauty. Unlike Drossel, a country that maintained itself through the tourism industry, Fluegel had much of its national interest shouldered by its forestry. Drossel’s national flower was the white camellia, while Fluegel’s was the red rose.

The two countries were separated by a large river, but one would be tempted to wonder how they could be so different.

Differences were by no means a bad thing. After all, Lord Damian and I had met because we had been raised in such different cultures. That was exactly why I became attracted to Lord Damian’s… albeit artless, uninhibited personality, which was so unlike that of the royals from Drossel and other nations...

Yes, “differences” were not bad. But the so-called “differences”... how should I put it? When they weren’t tolerated, instead viewed as an absence of profits and effort, they would turn into a really bad thing.

Most likely, that was what made me the way I was now.

Was this an excuse? It might be. But that was how it was. That was it.

At first, my life in Fluegel didn’t go well.

Becoming used to even small differences in habit was extremely difficult for me, which caused the chamberlain to sigh often. He was someone who deserved respect for having taken care of Lord Damian’s personal matters for quite a long time.

There was no mistaking that I was in a position higher than his, but I soon understood that he looked down on me. One could tell as much by things such as the movements of the other’s eyes and their attitude.

The chamberlain would tell me: “That is not the way we do it in Fluegel”, “This is for your protection. You will be criticized otherwise. Now, fix yourself up”, “I have said this several times, but...”

I didn’t think I was some idiot. I believed myself to be the kind of girl who could do well if I put my mind into it. But I had to admit that I was a very unstable crybaby.

The differences such as the ones that the chamberlain talked about were, for example, the order in which people were seated at meals, how to lift my dress when hopping into a carriage, and other minute details like that. If I were told such things back in Drossel, I was positive that I could internalize it in the first try. After that, I definitely wouldn’t repeat the mistake. But the moment I tried to do it in this foreign country that I wasn’t familiar with, being watched by the monitoring eyes of someone that didn’t have me in his favor, I ended up failing. It was almost as if I were inducing the failure on my own. What was this phenomenon?

The chamberlain most likely knew this as well. He knew it, and even then he would sigh and speak in a detached manner while watching me go pale. There was nothing good in it for either of us, yet we would find ourselves repeating this vicious cycle.

To be honest, we were so incapable of getting along that the desire to jump off from one of the Fluegel castle’s windows as retaliation surged from within me. However, I had no choice but to keep going. Because I was a newcomer and that person was an elder.

If I didn’t get used to this, it would be the end of me.

Right, and there was also the tea party. The flow of the Cauldron of Time had finally returned to the present.

It all had begun… from the chamberlain suggesting that if I, who had become the queen, held a tea party, I would certainly make myself known as someone who shines like the stars in the night sky. He gave a long speech about my authority as a queen being this and that. That detestable chamberlain.

I did like tea parties, but even after being in Fluegel for a year, I wasn’t able to find myself anyone that I could consider close to me, so I frankly didn’t like the idea. I hadn’t gotten myself anyone to be on friendly terms with, so rather than a display of my power, wouldn’t this be deemed as more of a public execution for me?

Ever since I had arrived here, I was in the position of a foreign princess who had a political marriage with Lord Damian, so both the royal family that I had joined and the people who took care of me were somewhat distant… To make things worse, I was the very person who had tainted the traditional event of the Public Love Letters. People were wary of me as an unprecedented princess.

I had seen that Fluegel had a liberal aspect to it and wasn’t too bound by formalities in comparison to Drossel, but when it came to the royal family, that was a different story.

Whenever I passed the corridors of the royal palace, I could hear one name being whispered. Everyone would have faint smiles on their faces. “Baby Princess” was what they called me.

The one who came up with it was Lord Damian’s younger sister or something. Indeed, I had childish facial features and I was the girl who had married for love, so there was no helping that I would be mocked like this.

Receiving a nickname and having it made into a title meant that it was ingrained in people. Once a knight earned himself an alias, others would expect him to have a conduct that was worthy of it. In that same manner, no matter what I, Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel, might say… I lived in Fluegel as the princess whom everyone would giggle at.

Whenever I made a mistake, “it’s because she’s a child”. If I happened to rush towards Lord Damian, “it’s because she’s a child”. Whenever I said anything, “it’s because she’s a child”.

If there was some magic spell that could turn me into a twenty-year-old right now, I would have taken it. It’d be great if I could instantly grab ahold of my dignity in a way that nobody would complain. But that was something that people had to be awarded to through the years, along with their efforts...

I might have been the Baby Princess today as well – the day of the tea party.

The chamberlain was in awfully high spirits, which one way or another was an omen for misfortune. I was watching from my bedroom as the elderly man briskly instructed the people around him.

From the room where I stayed with Lord Damian, I could see the castle’s garden, the rose maze that started from the garden’s entrance veering to the side, and the castle town. Back when we had just married, we used to often gaze outside the window together, but now we couldn’t even talk for more than five minutes.

Ever since succeeding the throne, Lord Damian was truly busy. He would be working while I waited for him in our room; by the time that I woke up, he would be by my side without me having realized it; as I stretched the creases that formed between his eyebrows while he was dreaming, he would wake up all of a sudden and then head off to the royal office again.

I was depressed since morning, because why did I have to hold a tea party while my husband was working so indiscriminately? But, well, this was also part of my duties. It was important for me to mingle with other women from a social status similar to mine. The trust earned from them would help not just me but also Lord Damian.

Those who controlled factions also had control of politics. Yes, yes, I knew that much. I had to do this exactly because things weren’t going well. In order to level up my speech skills, I had to start from taking up a stance. As my position was becoming worse, if I could get around here well, I would increase my authority in the royal territory without having to recreate myself.

I understood the reasoning behind this. What the chamberlain said was correct. He was implicitly telling me to do right, and I was the one at fault for not managing it...

The tea party was held in the garden outside at the arranged time.

There were people that I hadn’t seen ever since my wedding ceremony, whom I greeted while turning my head around at an incredible speed. Whenever someone sprinkled the subject of political affairs here and there, I’d throw it back at them with a smile, literally tearing apart and flinging away whatever came at me on repeat. Although the scene actually looked like a peaceful conversation, under the surface, I, the queen, was being evaluated, so this was a battle.

I thought I had done a really strenuous effort up until the middle of it. Instilling the impression that “My, so maybe the Baby Princess isn’t a bad person and is surprisingly smart when she talks?” was quite a success. The signs that I could make them deem me as worthy of standing by Lord Damian’s side were becoming visible. However, the very moment that Her Highness, the King’s young her sister, appeared in the tea party, everything I had set up crumbled down at once.

She was pretty late from the scheduled time – rather, she suddenly showed up when it was already ending.

Although she was close to me in age, she had a very adult appearance and was an awfully beautiful person. Renowned as one of Fluegel’s talented women, she was also involved with the National Assembly, and told us that she had rushed over because the meeting had ended just now. I had not yet been allowed to attend the meetings even though I was the queen, so I was terribly jealous... and a little miserable.

Of course, whatever had been discussed there became the topic, which Her Highness told the women present, explaining in a simplified manner. What a wonderful person she was.

Regardless, it felt like this was going to end as Her Highness’s tea party, even though it was mine. Well, that was okay too. Rather, it might be easier if there was someone to take the initiative to talk like this. I had a bug where I couldn’t speak very well to people whom I wasn’t close to, so I decided to leave it to her.

Despite this being a tea party, I hadn’t eaten anything, so I had the feeling that I would get hungry in the evening. I wondered what we would have for dinner.

Just like that, half of my soul disappeared somewhere else, so I didn’t notice that the subject had changed from state affairs to the next successor to the throne.

“Queen, are you listening? If things continue the way they are, there will be no helping it if a concubine is appointed.”

Since I hadn’t noticed it, I couldn’t react right away, even as I took the tremendous brutality of those words to the face. This had happened just a moment ago, so I didn’t remember very well what kind of reaction I’d had. I had the feeling that I had responded with a somewhat sluggish reply such as “aah” or “eeh”... much like the way that living creatures cried for the first time upon being born.

I could immediately tell that Her Highness wasn’t satisfied with my answer.

“It is because you are so laidback like this that the King has to fight the national affairs alone. You still intend to be here as a guest, not doing what you have to do, so everyone has to hold back and nobody can speak up their opinions. Talk more. Be more useful to the country. Most important of all, it has already been a year, yet nothing has been reported to us. Are you seriously discussing the succession with the King? If this goes on, someone will suggest a concubine for him.”

With such words thrown at me in sequence, I—I had... I had a thought. That perhaps she was trying to make me lose heart. Wasn’t I being attacked right now?

I looked around. Nobody attempted to open their mouths in order to defend me. There was no one. I had no one.

All of them were waiting for my reaction.

I knew this situation. I knew it very well. I wasn’t being treated as a person at the moment. My personality was being denied as well. The dignity that should be granted to the human being named Charlotte wasn’t being taken into account.

However, I didn’t break. Why?

Because I was used to being neglected.

“Yes, I am truly doing a poor job. I believe it is as you say.”

I was smiling.

“However, it has not yet been decided what will be my part of the work and what will be the King’s, as we are in the process of deciding on it as a couple.”

I was smiling mockingly.

“Now that I have talked to all of you like this, I have concluded I should propose my thoughts to the parliament slowly, little by little.”

I was... smiling.

“I was the princess of my country. But now, I am the queen of Fluegel. I did not intend to be here in the position of guest, but it is true that I was restraining myself. But is that not the same for all of you? I am aware. Everyone has been... well, surrounding me from a distance and looking after me. I was fretting, as it would have been better for you to tell me more directly if there was anything wrong... By all means, I would like to have a frank exchange of opinions with you in the future... and I hope that we can help each other... as fellow women.”

This was laughable.

Her Highness was appalled. So was everyone else. She must have spoken so conflictingly due to thinking that it was sure to make me start crying.

I wanted her to stop saying such stupid things. I was the former third princess of Drossel. Did she know what kind of country that was? It was a country where it was okay for women to become political tools. We were by no means granted the position to act freely like she did. As the shadows so-called “women”, we had no choice but earnestly do whatever we could.

I was born in a country were women were consumed and worn down. To top it off, I had been raised mostly by courtiers, away from my biological parents. I hadn’t seen my mother in forever.

Exhausted as a result of her marriage of convenience, Mother had Father build her a palace and secluded herself in it all day long every day. She did show up at the wedding ceremony, but she hadn’t even sent me a single letter after I had married off. She had probably already forgotten that she had given birth to me.

But that was the country I had been born in. I had been raised by one of this country’s strong women – a carefully selected, tough woman. This person patiently educated me, even though my aptitude wasn’t good. She explained things to me over and over again. She scolded me a lot. She taught me so that I would be able to marry anyone and live anywhere. She had also predicted that a situation like this might happen. So she told me how to act during a quarrel with other women.

That was why I smiled at times like these.

My looks weren’t bad. I was no idiot. I knew what effects I would bring about if I smiled. There was little that I could do, but I was going to be the one firing the best shot here.

I was a crybaby. I was a weakling. I was lonely.

However, I had been taught well. No matter what, I couldn’t lose in times like these. I knew that much.

I had been protected through the erasure of my personality.

   That day’s tea party was over right then, and thanks to the chamberlain saying that it would soon be time to bring it to a close, it ended well.

At a later date, my feud or whatever with Her Highness would become a rumor around the royal palace, but that was a story of the future. In any case, it was over for now. Therefore, I was extremely relieved.

The chamberlain let me return to my room unusually early and consoled me with a “you must be tired”. “You were excellent today,” he told me. Enveloping my shaky palms in his hands, which had wrinkles just like Alberta’s, he warmed them up. “No matter what happens, do not forget that you have one ally,” he said.

From that, I understood a little something. That he, indeed, worried about me in his own way. I wasn’t fond of his way of doing things, but he had struggled as much as he could in order to do something to improve my position.

He had seen what I had gone through today, so he was commending my brave fight. I had been subjected to violence today. I had been told such terrible things. Even though I—I...

I was in love with Lord Damian.

Both Drossel and Fluegel were aware of this. The citizens of both kingdoms knew it. And yet, aah, how embarrassing. But everyone knew.

I was in love with that person. I was in love.

“You have not sired a child after a year, so there might be need for a concubine. Therefore, if such a woman appears, you should accept it,” she said, despite knowing how much it would hurt me.

I was told off. I was told off by the younger sister of the object of my affections. That was what she said to me.

“Thank you, but please, let me be alone.”

I still managed to keep my smile up, but as soon as I drove the chamberlain out of the room, the tears overflowed torrentially and I couldn’t stop them.

There should be things more painful than that out there in the world. I looked like a fool for crying because of something like this. But right now, I was feeling like the most pitiful person in the world. I wanted to return to Drossel. I wanted to go home to Drossel.

No, that wasn’t it. No, that wasn’t it. No, that wasn’t it.

I wanted to go back to the person who would always allowed me to cry, no matter how much I did so. The person who would stay by my side.

“Alberta...”

I wanted to go back to Alberta.

I knew it was stupid of me. But when I thought that a day might come when Lord Damian, my husband – the object of my affections –, would take another woman aside from me, it was so painful. My chest hurt – it hurt so much that it was hard to breathe. So I couldn’t contain my cries.

I wondered what had gone wrong.

Was it because I had started clamming up, since the chamberlain would always hammer me down by saying, “That kind of unheard-of behavior is not allowed here”, so I couldn’t speak the way I wanted to? Or was it because I was late to find out that not assertively addressing the royal family was bad manners, since I was in a position where I had to wait for people to talk to me first back in Drossel?

Perhaps it was everything.

Apparently, Fluegel hadn’t taken in a princess from abroad in the last sixty years, so maybe it was already difficult for them to accept a foreign object like me in the first place. Things would probably have been different if I were a great woman – yes, a woman like Her Highness –, yet I had nothing but tears. Still, was I such a horrible person that I had to be told such things?

Aah, nothing – just nothing. Nothing was working out. It might be that nothing would go well from now on too.

This thought swiftly made its way into my heart.

All of a sudden, I was able to clearly hear the sounds around me. The noises of someone walking, the whistling of the wind outside, my own breathing. The way that the tears fell down as they dripped from my eyelashes, the way that I was suddenly looking at myself in a holistic manner.

Yes, perhaps things would never work out from now onward. If so, then...

Then, shouldn’t I run away?

Several questions – such as to where, with whom and to do what – came to me, but I ignored them. I had probably broken down at that point.

I dropped my own heart, which I had been cherishing as much as possible in order for it not to break, onto my feet. I had the feeling that I heard a clank when doing so.

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

If so, then no matter how much I exerted myself, it would be useless.

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

I had to run off to somewhere.

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

Nobody was going to protect me.

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

After all, this was a foreign country and Alberta wasn’t here. The only one who could protect me was...

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

The only one who could protect me was myself.

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

I had to run away.

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

I had to run.

——Maybe nothing would ever go well in the future.

If I stayed here like this, I... I might seriously jump off the window.

Once I thought this, I somehow felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. When I came to my senses, I had left the room.

The courtiers were busy cleaning up the tea party in the garden. The chamberlain had also gone outside in order to instruct them. If I came out of the room without making any sounds, nobody would chase after me right away. When I went into the corridor, there was a soldier, but he was only meant to see whoever entered and exited the place and wouldn’t follow me since he wasn’t my bodyguard.

If it was now, perhaps no one would notice if I disappeared – if I happened to vanish. Once I thought this, I could no longer think of anything else.

Before I realized, my hands and feet had moved. I slowly moved my whole body and left that place behind.

I continued down the stairs and trotted through a passage that relatively few people used. Even then, I did pass by some people, but they didn’t seem to pay any mind to me. To begin with, they might not even have the conceptualization that the queen was running through the halls alone.

It wasn’t like I wanted someone to call for me. However, no one did. No one tried to stop me.

Which was why I was now hiding. I was in a corner of a maze of roses in the royal palace of this forest kingdom.

I looked up at the sky. It was overcast. The air was a little heavy, so there was a chance of rain.

Was anyone looking for me by now? No, they might not have noticed. I could bet a hundred of Drossel’s white camellias that they hadn’t. “That wouldn’t be a bet,” someone said from within my mind.

——What will happen to me if I just stay here like this?

I tried to think calmly. Firstly, I would get hungry. My body would get bitten by insects. The sky was looking shady, so rain might come pouring down on me. I would get a fever from the cold, and then... and then... and then...

The power of my imagination was scarce, so the scenario ended there.

Stretching out my dress’s sleeves and removing my long gloves, I plucked the grass with a bare hand. Picking up some rose petals that had fallen to the ground, I threw them into the air even though they would not fly too far. I looked almost like a child trying to contain her bad mood. Most likely, if anyone saw me, they would wonder what on earth the queen of Fluegel was doing.

Why had I grown up to be like this? All I ever did was think big of small matters and be in a state of chaos.

This wasn’t the married life I had envisioned. I did think there would be hardships, but – how should I put it? – I thought they would be rather different. I thought they would be something easier to grasp.

I honestly didn’t know what I was fighting against. Her Highness probably hated my guts, but if I were asked whether she was my enemy, I would say she wasn’t, and I wasn’t mistaken about that. I did think she was cruel, though.

What was I fighting against? What was I scared of? I kept on being intimidated by vague things that I didn’t understand very well and shutting off my typical behavior, and while I was so frightened, my evaluation from the people around me declined, thus I had come to the point of fleeing.

What was I fighting against? Why was I fighting? Why was I...

Why?

Why was I all by myself right now?

   After that, I cried myself to exhaustion and fell asleep. Perhaps it was an extremely deep sleep, as I didn’t wake up even when night fell. Nobody realized that I was gone, so there was no ruckus over it.

Therefore, I was able to stay asleep forever.

While sleeping, I had a dream. I dreamed with the people of Drossel. Also, Violet – she appeared in it too. My favorite girl.

She looked at me as I cried and said, just like before, “You are such a crybaby.” She also said, “I would like to cease your tears, but I do not have a handkerchief with me.”

I told her that I didn’t need one and hugged her, asking her to stay by my side instead.

I realized that, while I was crying on Violet’s chest, she had turned into Alberta. When I thought, “It’s Alberta”, the tears overflowed even harder.

I appealed to Alberta. No matter what I said, no one listened to it seriously. No matter what I said, people would make faces, as if poking fun at me. No matter what I said, my situation never improved. No matter who I looked at, nobody would help me. No matter who I looked at, nobody was my ally. No matter where I searched, you wouldn’t be there. No matter where I searched, you wouldn’t be there. No matter where I searched, you... you... you...

“It’s because you’re not here, Alberta, that I’m so very weak.”

Even a crybaby like me would be able to act high and mighty if you were there. I would’ve been able to maintain my dignity as a princess. But now I was everyone’s bootlicker. This wasn’t me.

That was why my heart broke and, yes, I dropped it on the floor.

“Alberta, did you not see my heart somewhere around here? I need it... I need it...”

If I didn’t have it with me, Lord Damian would—

   “Were you waiting for me to search for you?” a husky voice whispered.

That was when I woke up.

Just like that one time, the Full Moon was looming over the night sky. The stars and moon were so beautiful in the blooming season of roses.

In a dreamy state of mind, I blinked. The tears spilled again. When my husband saw me weeping, he embraced me as if to hide me from the night sky.

“I will report to the soldiers that she has been found.”

“I don’t want any fuss. Leave us for a while.”

When I heard the voice of the chamberlain as well, my consciousness finally returned to reality. He had said “soldiers”. This might have turned into a big deal. But right now, I didn’t think it would be too scary even if my heart were destroyed. “Is that so,” was all I thought.

This marriage might really be done for now.

Once Lord Damian shooed him, he put his coat over me and crouched down. He gripped my hand, guiding me and carrying me in bridal style.

“This makes me look like a child.”

“No. You’re my wife, aren’t you? And a princess.”

There wasn’t anything else I wanted to do, so I just nodded and did as I was told.

The two of us went through the maze of roses. There was probably someone watching over us. The light of a lantern swayed in the distance as a guide.

“Do you want to divorce from me?” Lord Damian muttered out of the blue with a quivering voice, leaving me in shock. I didn’t understand very well what he was saying.

“Lord Damian, if you want to do so...”

“That’s not it, Charlotte. I don’t want to break up with you... but I was wondering... if you might be thinking of doing that, right now...”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

“Ralph, the chamberlain... has been telling me all this time. That if I were to take the hand of a princess from another country for the first time in sixty years, there would definitely be criticism. He told me to make sure to protect you when the time came.”

What was he saying?

“At first, I thought I was nailing it. I stayed by your side, so that no one could even try to say anything inappropriate to you...”

What was he... saying?

“But then I had to succeed the throne... there were tons of responsibilities stacked up in front of me, and I started looking only at those stacks... I didn’t even realize that you were in such a painful spot. It’s not your fault. I’m the one who isn’t ruling the country right, and for some reason, that’s being taken out on you. Stupid, isn’t it? It’s ridiculous. Everyone thinks it’s okay to do this to you just because you’re an outsider.”

——You’re not the one to blame. I’m aware of my own defects too.

“I also heard about what happened today. It seems you acted dauntless, even though my sister said something truly foolish to you...”

——You’re not the one to blame. Lord Damian. I know it. I know that you look sour every night when you sleep. You’re doing your very best. You’re doing your best every day – every single day. I know that. You may be ten years older than me, but you’re also...

“I’m... I’m pathetic. It’s fine if you complain. Yet you haven’t uttered a single grumble to me until now. Not to Ralph, either. We basked in the fact that you were holding back and nobody took notice of it. And so, we cornered you. Until you ran away, just like that.”

——You’re also still so young.

“I’m... pathetic... I cornered my own wife...”

——So lost, so scared.

“...to the point that she ran away... barefoot.”

——And shaking.

“Charlotte, have you come to hate me already?”

——Aah, Lord Damian. So you cry too, huh. For some reason, I used to think that you didn’t shed tears. I wonder why. You were a moonlit prince for me, so I thought you didn’t cry. But I see. That’s right, even you...

“I like you. I want to stop your tears.”

——Even you have a crybaby side.

After Lord Damian had said so, I realized for the first time that I was barefoot. I had the feeling that I was wearing shoes when I left the room – I wondered what had happened. He told me that someone had looked for and retrieved them. For how long had they been searching for me? If it was enough to make this man cry, then they must have searched everywhere.

Needless to say, I was such a handful of a woman. However, my heart, which had broken apart and scattered away, began setting itself in motion little by little. I could feel it regaining its warmth.

The reason might be that, for the first time ever since I had married him, we had now finally become a couple.

He asked me if I had anything that I wanted to do or that I wanted him to do. I told him that I wanted to see Alberta. He told me that he understood. He then asked if there was anything else, and so, I told him something that everyone had laughed at. We were had gone through a lot to be married, so I wanted to do something for both of our countries. I proposed that we build an orphanage near the national borders. Lord Damian didn’t laugh. He told me it would be great.

“Let’s think things out together. I regret not talking about this before because I thought it might be a burden to you. From now on, let’s have proper talks, the two of us. About happy things, sad things, painful things. I want you to talk to me. And I also want you to listen to me,” he said. He then kept on asking if there was anything else...

Lastly, I asked him to lock me up in the palace if he ever found himself a concubine. He got angry, saying he would never have one. We couldn’t be sure. It seemed we had no knack for child making. A concubine might be necessary. Lord Damian said that even then, he didn’t want one.

And then... And then... And then... What was it again?

I buried my face into Lord Damian’s neck. It had his scent, which always made my heart race whenever I sensed it.

“Hey, maybe I want to kiss you right now. My face is a mess because I cried a lot, though. Would you do it even with a wife like this?” I asked.

Lord Damian laughed while crying. “Even if you cry, you’re my lovely wife. Of course I’d do it.”

Overjoyed at these words, I shed warm tears.

When we kissed, as expected, it was a bit salty. My heart throbbed.

“I’m still in love with you, but what about you?” I asked, making sure to sound as if any answer would be fine.

Unsurprisingly, Lord Damian continued making a tearful face. “I actually only fell for you after we got married. So my heart’s beating really fast right now.”

“I see. So our feelings are mutual. That’s amazing,” I said, impressed.

“Then, what did you think it was until now?” he asked.

“A one-sided love,” I answered sincerely.

“Don’t you hear when I tell you that I love you every morning before I leave our room?”

“I do, but I thought it was some sort of flattery...”

“I’m not such a pro at that. When I like something, all I can say is that I like it. I’m very honest. You found that out on your tenth birthday, right?”

“How nostalgic... I’ve been in love with you all this time since then.”

I was living the aftermath of that story. I didn’t know whether it was a happy or sad one. But I would live, live and live. And this would probably go on forever. I was on my own in this royal palace.

But I wasn’t all alone.

“Damian, do you love me?”

“I do, Charlotte.”

I was living here, in this forest kingdom.