#first person is too vulnerable for him
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My favorite pieces of characterization about Snow in Ballad
It is written in third person limited perspective instead of first person like the trilogy
He hates poetry and struggles to decipher it
#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#ballad book#coriolanus snow#katniss is guarded but she is still more emotionally vulnerable than Snow#first person is too vulnerable for him#and of course he hates poetry and is bad at deciphering mataphor and rhetoric#no wonder he underestimates Peeta and focuses on Katniss
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"Can we chat about – I don't know if Gabriel's gonna be somewhere mad at me for this, but I gotta point it out. Harvey's got a very, sort of, coquettish, pillow-hugging thing going on on the bed. [Sarah laughs.] Do you know in this scene, where he's putting it all together? Like, it's such an interesting take. Like, you'd – I don't know why, you'd think he'd kind of . . . be reclined, but instead he's on his . . . stomach, like holding a pillow. It's very . . . different. And I love it. But I definitely, I was like, "Huh! Harvey?""
– Patrick J Adams on Sidebar: A Suits Watch Podcast episode "Play the Man"
Scottie pegg/d him.
#scottie pegg.ed him!#also I find it. so funny. that this stood out to patrick. and he HAD to point it out. top tier podcasting patrick#suits#suits tv#suits usa#marvey#harvey specter#dana scott#scottie#scarvey#patrick j adams#sarah rafferty#suits sidebar#also I love scottie/harvey and the history they have. to me...harvey doesn't /tell/ people he's bi bc he's like. if you don't pick up on it#that's on /you/. but I think. in college. scottie was someone harvey /did/ outright tell he was bi.#they're so compatible. and so sexually compatible. + I think scottie was probably the first person harvey was so sexually vulnerable with?#and that connection's just really lasted with both of them. they really know each other and care about each other.#and of course playing intellectually is really sexy for them too.#but yes patrick. harvey does like to be submi.ssive in bed <3#and yes he is fruity. thanks for noticing <3#tumblr your choice of which words will hide a post from search results is! frustrating!
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personal character design headcanons + brainrot
Note: the re-bound!au does NOT belong to me, it belongs to @chipper-smol I’m just not normal about it lol
#I SAY PERSONAL BC ITS MY OWN SPIN ON IT. NOT CHIPPERS CANON UNLESS THEY DECIDE TO OR NOT YOU HEAR ME /LH#I made a banner and everything this time. PLWEASE send them your questions not me JAJFHDSF#I thought it would be cool if macaque has two separate forms as a shadow and inside a mindscape. like I wanted his shadow form to reflect#him in his prime and then the mindscape form as what he looked like when he died. or a more vulnerable state at least#based on LBD appearing to MK as the ivory lady when she died in the S3 special. I don’t know exactly what it was but my first thought seein#the white void was she was appearing to MK in his mindscape to talk to him. so I built on that#I wanted to give him a more ‘Smokey’ look as a shadow just based on how he manipulates them in the show like in shadow play. I hope this#makes it look cool and immaterial. and then his mindscape form would be more battered up and tangible#the last couple images are chippers ideas though since they said the monkeys are drawn to MK when macaque is possessing him lol#and the fact that macaque doesn’t have any senses unless he’s possessing someone + literally sniffing out wukong in the scroll 🤨📸#I also have a vivid image of macaque moving from the mindscape to physical form like umm. kind of like when he passes the boundary between#physical and spirit/mind(?) it’s like the shadow covers him like ink. or pulling Saran Wrap over your face and it clings to your skin#so it kind of makes the shadow seem like a sort of shell or covering.. and I love the idea of MK meeting macaque in the mindscape for the#first time too. like the moment mac rescues him from LBD and MK sees him all battered and tired looking brooooooo#I’m not even sure if that would count as a mindscape but it rattles around in my brain like loose marbles#god I fucking love this au. gives me imagination fuel swear to god#my art#doodles#lmk#Lego Monkie kid#Monkie kid#lmk au#re-bound!au#rebound au#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#lmk mk#lmk xiaotian
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Being the on-call masseuse at pro-hero dynamight’s agency who he’s weirdly vulnerable with because you’ve already seen him naked
#Bakugo#he’s so bad at vulnerability and so rusty at intimacy he mistakes the two because you’ve already put your hands on him so sweetly#and it feels like you’re the only person who ever has#it’s not like he realizes what he’s doing . he wouldn’t say he loves you by any means or even has a crush#but………#you’re the first person he sees in the morning and the last person he sees before he goes home. of course you’re on his mind. of course.#and then for whatever reason you’re gone for a bit and it feels like everything crumbles#this would be a recovery au too … he’s not allowed to exercise or something so physical therapy and massages are how he tries to get thru it#it’s 6 months in before he realizes he doesn’t know the first thing about you#and he’s coming to terms with the fact he’s way more damaged than he realized. even if his body is better his mind …#hasn’t been right. and he needs to apologize to you first#but surprise! you’re there to help him through that too (after quitting so you can do it all for real)#any blablablah#shii posts#gen
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i saw a post saying boom was good bc it feels like it could be done with any doctor/companion duo and honestly that was one of the things i felt was wrong with it
#in a show with a title character that could be Literally Anyone and a companion sharing the lead that could be Literally Anyone#i value the little moments that set this duo apart from the rest. ESPECIALLY when it comes to returning writers like rtd/moff#fifteen and ruby felt a little too eleven/twelve and clara adjacent in boom. in both their dialogue and characterization#space babies also landed a little weird at first bc it lifted a bit from end of the world BUT the scenes that fifteen and ruby#had to themselves. like ruby getting covered in snot and fifteen laughing. or fifteen and ruby looking after the Space Babies#or fifteen going out of his way to save the monster bc that monster is the only one of its kind Just Like Him Fr#that stuff is so good and its also something we haven't seen from another nuwho doctor. the vulnerable bleeding-heart empathy#and a dynamic w a companion that is basically 'two troublemakers that just deeply love fun and adventure and getting into trouble together'#oh yeah and also the devil's chord was peak fiction because it touches on fifteen's renewed connection and love for humanity#and marries it to ruby being a musician and how music like any art is the expression of the human soul etc etc#WHAT MAKES A DOCTOR WHO STORY GOOD TO ME IS PARTLY HOW THE PREMISE TIES INTO THE DOCTOR AND COMPANION'S CHARACTERS#IT HAS TO FEEL LIKE IT WAS TAILOR MADE TO THEM. ELSE IT WONT LAND RIGHT TO ME#i hate the take that they should've saved wild blue yonder for a fifteen episode bc#the tension is hinged on how well the doctor/companion know each other. u have a level of it that u can ONLY get#with fourteen and donna who are two halves of a whole soul but have also spent much more time missing the other than knowing them#im not rewatching fifteen's eps rn until a week later when i can watch it w my qpp but#rn i still feel a stronger sense of fifteen and ruby's characters from all the rtd-written eps rather moffat#which like. i get that a lot of that is my personal dislike of moffat's writing style but still#dr who#15 era#dw spoilers
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disorganized ramble about cami
eak and ttrap's care for cami is what dooms her to stay with owyyn. both of them want to save cami but they don't actually take the time to listen to her, spend time with her and understand why she stays by owynn's side because they're too focused on saving her, as if she were a damsel in distress, to see her. they don't try reasoning with her because they know she's committed to owynn but they don't take the time to ask themselves why. and that's exactly why owynn has the upper hand, i believe. he listens to cami, he takes the time to understand her needs, frustrations and things that bring her joy and he weaponizes that. a push and pull, if u will. he berates her to keep her from questioning him, and then does something nice so she doesn't hate him. he sees her as a full-fledged person and plays into her ideologies, desires and pains to convince her that she should do what he says. ttrap and eak are too focused on the idea of saving her that they don't see her as a person anymore, they don't take the time to deprogram her. that dooms her. because she feels like they don't understand her, because they don't, so she turns more and more to owynn. who seems to understand her even better than herself, who doesn't underestimate her or take her as stupid, who takes her seriously and explains things she doesn't understand instead of laughing it off or thinking she's cute for being confused. who sees her as a person. as a person that is worth trusting on instead of just a girl that needs to be protected. maybe she thinks eak and ttrap have been blinded by the bullying she suffered and see her as an eternal victim as a result. so she thinks owynn is not as bad as they say, because they are too focused on seeing her as someone who is weak and can't handle anything on her own. in a way, she may want to prove herself, that she is not that weak little girl anymore. she is strong, has powers, can defend herself and judge if her relations are good or bad for her. being a threat may be cathartic: she is not the weak victim anymore, she has the control and the power now. she decided owynn is good for her, because he sees her as capable, strong, reliable. something eak and ttrap, no matter how many times she gets mad at them and threatens them, will never do. she is not capable to them, she is a victim that needs saving. and cami hates that.
kind of like that one post format. "i would kill for you" "i would die for you" okay but would you listen to me. would you remember the things that upset me and make me happy. would you explain things i don't understand. would you spend time with me even if i'm silent and don't even want to be with myself. that kind of ordeal
#fnafhs#fhs#mine#i think this explains in my brain why eak and ttrap were unable to help cami see that owynn sucks#also why they dont seem to interact as friends the 3 of them in canon#(<- its a nonsesne rambling that has no basis in canon)#(evil shadow man appears next to me) and thats why goldami works#ESPECIALLY in a context where golden is aware she hypnotized him#which is not something i have explored here i think? even though i find it less likely i also find it very interesting#for golden to forgive her and want the best for her while being completely aware that she was the one who fucked him up#and that would affect cami differently because he KNOWS she is capanbe and a threat and an insanely bad and fucked up person#he experienced it first hand . he is her primary victim. and yet he forgives her and tells her she is being manipulated#someone who has no bearing in her wellbeing and should be wishing the worst for her is instead trying to help her#that should be a wake up call. ur friends may not be the greatest but theyre right this time. its not just them beign overprotective#the guy that HATES you is siding with them .#anyways fun fact eak is the one who is most guilty of this. the guy is the first to take a bullet for someone but cant be vulnerable#ttrap too dont get me wrong but he may try a little bit#fnafhs cami#fnafhs eak#fnafhs towntrap#fnafhs owynn#<- although hes bareley mentioned ig it counts#i always forget to tag the characters (im just lazy)
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I feel like I liked yakuza 5 a lot more than most people for some reason
#like a lot of people seem to not like it or think it’s mid#idk man but it was one of the games I enjoyed most and I really liked the range of characters you get to play#love me a murder mystery too#idk I think people seem to not like how disjointed the plot is at first and trying to keep up with everyone’s seperate plot and characters#and etc. but I personally really liked how it was all disjointed and the further you get into the game / the more characters you play the#more shit starts coming together and forming a full picture#like don’t get me wrong it’s not perfect and I do have qualms with some. choices. (mostly having to do with majima and#mirei) but overall it’s one of the games I’ve enjoyed the most and that’s kept me interested in the plot the most#fantastic to get a more in-depth look at haruka and to get to really know her by playing her and seeing how she interacts with people and#choices she makes and etc. I don’t think she was a fully fleshed out character prior to that#loved her with all my heart already don’t get me wrong but she just didn’t have much time on screen especially as a teenager to fully get#her personality across and some of the issues she deals with (mommy issues. abandonment issues#etc).#and her and uncle akiyama are a very nice unexpected duo!!!#the different settings were fun too. overall I think the whole thing just felt like more of a streamlined story in a way with drastically#different viewpoints depending on the character#also shinada’s a gift. bless him#daigo feels three dimensional and emotionally present in a way I didn’t see much in other games- even when he’s literally a boss in 4. tbh#the only other time I think he feels really solid as a character is in fuckin dead souls. I think it’s cause it’s SO rare to see daigo in#non-serious situations or vulnerable with people on purpose. dead souls has the first thing and y5 has a bit of both#and I could complain more about how y6 SHOULD have made daigo more present instead of sending him to fuckin jail the whole time but. I do#get that that was kind of important to the plot. I mean to have that power vacuum. don’t think all three of them should’ve been put in jail#but I digress. anyway I got off topic point is I enjoyed yakuza 5 it is very unique in my opinion#y5#rambling#ALL THESE TAGS AND I FORGOT TO MENTION KIRYU BEING ANGSTY AND GAY AS HELL. THE BEST PART OF YAKUZA 5
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Spinel and Agate key frame.
#two gorgeous people together.. what could go wrong.#they are both so pretty though.. they could be a power couple in other circumstances. maybe w#interesting choice of line here too#spinel saying he'll be the one to reach rakua with gibeon (ep 75)#spinel is very intriguing.. hard to grasp. at first it felt like he was the one with the most flimsy loyalty out of the group#but now.. it really feels like he has the strongest “attachment” to gibeon#devoted to him specifically in a way the others aren't? (not counting amethio)#i don't understand what he is thinking. but seeing that his involvement with amethio's family grows stronger#it really feels to me that he is jealous of amethio for being special to gibeon because he is his grandson#like he wants that special treatment or affection to himself? idk.. was he an orphan picked up by gibeon or something#spinel's beef with ame feels too personal. like his existence slights him.. what's going on. i hope we have focus on them together soon#agate.. she remains an enigma#thinking about how her and spinel are using each other for their own gain as of now.#but it feels like one of them is bound to stab the other in the back eventually.#i do like that they acknowledge each other's smarts and abilities#agate came off as having family issues to me. but i wonder if she does#and what is she referring to when she says some things are better left unknown?#i like how this specific duo contrasts onyx/sango#the latter being genuinely sweet and they allow themselves to be kinda vulnerable around each other#even if they aren't completely honest still.. but i think they care about each other a lot and they are growing closer#anyway. i wonder if they will post a frame of onyx and sango eventually.#opening notes
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my recording of the mohg fight, very glad to say that his fight is extremely fun :)
#ohhh this took ages to finally work in this post lol. anyways mohg fight. ridiculously fun.#elden ring#mohg#mohg lord of blood#yeah ill put this in main tags. full mohg fight. for the mohg enjoyers ig i really liked this fight#lots of like. particles being flung around but it never felt like bullshit so it was a fun while to fight him#my post#the 'jump for joy' in the phase change was planned while the 'my thanks' at the end wasnt which is why i do pull up the menu for that one#i left him alone for the nihil as a self-imposed 'gay penalty' bc i didnt want to just like. shred him during it yknow#he can have his theatrics for his healing and phase transition. a bit of respect with the 'my thanks' yknow i like him + the dynasty bit#hes got a funny little buddy in varre and a nice little grinding spot among all the blood soaked atrocities#ive heard ansbach is neat too. n ive been using bloody slash since the moment i got it so in a way ive been chilling with lord of blood#related stuff for a p long time. tbh its neat how varre is the first proper person you meet while mohg is arguably the most hidden demigod#dont think i have any bonus commentary with this one besides i got rlly fucking lucky later in this. yknow the bit lmao#always through him being extra vulnerable to bleed was funny but he apparently gets the lord of blood's exultation buff on bleed procs#so thats a rlly neat thing i found out- i ended up using that talisman for the fight (you can see it under the stamina bar a few times)#it is funny to me that his in-battle dialogue subtitles are all lowercase and lack punctuation beyond accent markings#anyways beyond the final boss the only boss i have left is malenia which should be. fucking fun. i'll get vids of that one for sure#i might get my first attempt at her bc that might be a fun comparison point when i manage to beat her#'my recording of the mohg fight' feels very like. professional. i just got it captured on ps4. it was a random attempt that was successful
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do not separate my mary jane and peter for ur silly old man yaoi !!!
HOWEVER ... have we considered a throuple instead?
mj introducing them like "this is my husband peter and his boyfriend miguel who is also my boyfriend" like april in that one scene in parks and rec
#i think there's a deep lonliness in miguel that wont allow him to ever fully open up and be vulnerable with another person ever#BUT FUCK IT WE'RE BEING SILLY HEHE HERE#MIGGY GETS NERVOUS AS HELL WHEN HE FIRST MEETS MJ#bc he rarely meets ppl who stand ten toes down and challenge him#and mj doesnt care if he's 6'9 and the smartest man in a room full of science nerds#he doesnt get to be mean to HER peter her tiger !!!#and she's here to set the record straight and demand an apology!#miguel respects her chutzpah and sees that maybe he was in the wrong and was too harsh with peter and some other spiders#he spends time with peter and realises he's been taking him and his friendship for granted#well from this point on... he thinks abt her OFTEN#but not in any romantic way or anything just its been long since someone attempted to break thru his tough exterior#idk where im going with this ...#AND THEN THEY KISS#anyways im all for miguel having a stable support system#PLEASSEEEE#u guys i actually havent even watched the movie im hcing based on the comics lmaoooo have i lost it#spidey#i can fix him#miguel o'hara#spiderman 2099#across the spiderverse#peter b parker#miguelito#mary jane parker#mj#mary jane watson#idk man im just saying shit
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my brain is mush so i cant write prose but do know that i as usual am thinking about best friend dynamics and caretaking dynamics, and the way they integrate in beau and bobby’s relationship arc, and what it means to not just require increasing levels of daily care but to receive it from the person who’s always been your peer, the same guy you grew up with and experienced teenagehood and adolescence with, and now you need him in a vulnerable way you never expected to need from anyone, and how them being best friends shapes that caretaking dynamic in both positive and negative ways, but ultimately in the end it integrates with that friendship and deepens their bond in a way nobody could understand but just them
#it’s actually sooo interesting to me like they have beef about it at first#guy who doesn’t want to admit he needs help + guy who gets anxiously obsessive about giving that help literally recipe for disaster#but once they figure it out it works SOOO well!!!!!#but even when it does work so well and bobby believes he’s the luckiest person ever to get looked after by someone like beau it’s still#something that changes them. like there’s inherently a new dynamic that’s not as equal even if they treat it as such#like the amount of trust bobby has to instill in beau and the trust beau has to have in himself#sometimes he does not get it right!! but it’s okay because they have to figure out what’s best together#also I think there’s a flip side to this where beau needs bobby + bobby is seeing HIM in an extremely vulnerable state too#but on the surface bobby is the more ‘vulnerable’ one and that’s an interesting thing that#reshapes what was otherwise just two 21 year old friends#who read all that!!!!#I’m actually so passionate about it ugh it’s almost like I took care of a loved one in my personal life and now it’s my day job
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Monkey King Episode 8 (Part 2/2)
*BUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR* All right, time to finish this!
It's been two days since I watched this episode let's see what stuck.
"The Six-Eared Macaque has six ears! Isn't he really cute?"
Ginseng Fruit thinks Six Ears is cute. Canon.
Okay, so. The fake bunny ears? Absolutely adorable. Holy shit. These kids are the cutest. Jade Rabbit's body dysmorphia is probably on a level to qualify as the full disorder, and that's less cute and more sad and distressing, but it's so nice this attempt at comforting her worked and they were able to make her feel a little better about it.
Stone Monkey was so worried about her, too! Six Ears was clearly only there as emotional support (desperately needed, because Stone Monkey was not doing okay) since he had no idea who she was and Ginseng Fruit just didn't like her, but Stone Monkey probably would have started ripping the island apart stone by stone to find her if they hadn't managed to coax her out. He was worried! And emotionally unstable about it! Ginseng Fruit losing their patience and insulting her got them attacked.
Like, it took Marshal Ma a multi-episode timespan to wear Stone Monkey down enough to have him almost lunging for Marshal Ma's face. Ginseng Fruit got there in about two sentences. Even Six Ears was pretty alarmed about it. (Six Ears trying to comfort an angry and distressed Stone Monkey by cautiously reaching out to touch his shoulder from an entire arm's length away is very monkey of him. I just had to note that.)
Also that thing again of Stone Monkey's genuine anger being pretty violent. And how much quicker he is to lose it if the ones you're jabbing sticks at are his friends and not him.
I can't even really blame Ginseng Fruit for being upset they were spending so much time and energy checking on Jade Rabbit, since from Ginseng Fruit's perspective she was actively trying to hurt/kill the two of them nearly since Ginseng Fruit met her. They have reason to not like her and not want Stone Monkey around her. Still not the time or place, but their concern and frustration was understandable!
From Stone Monkey's perspective, what's a little attempted murder between friends, I guess? They had a Bash Brothers bonding moment against the Demon King's army before Jade Rabbit's headwrap was knocked off and she panicked, so clearly it's all square now. She was just upset! She didn't even manage to actually hurt them! It's fine! It's also possible he blames Ginseng Fruit for Jade Rabbit being angry at all, since if Ginseng Fruit had just stayed away from him like Stone Monkey had wanted them to, and hadn't tagged along, they never would have had a chance to run their mouth and set her off. Which isn't really fair, but. Stone Monkey barely seems to tolerate Ginseng Fruit at this stage of their relationship and that was true even before all this went down. I'm not sure he would be fair. Especially not when they're shouting insults his already hurting friend might be able to hear.
Six Ears got them to work it out, of course, but I definitely noticed that Ginseng Fruit's tears weren't even enough to rock that look of utter disdain until Six Ears scolded Stone Monkey about it.
(Ginseng Fruit: *sobbing*
Stone Monkey: Suffer.
Six Ears: Hey. Hey, isn't it funny how all your friends keep getting sad around you?
Stone Monkey: 😟*🎶SHOT THROUGH THE HEART🎶*)
Six Ears really did go for the throat, though. Jade Rabbit wasn't even Stone Monkey's fault! Don't imply it is! He'll believe it if it comes from you!
I thought it was pretty funny and cute though, that Six Ears apparently just took it upon himself to carry Ginseng Fruit around while they were accompanying Stone Monkey. Looking at all of this though, it might also have been him just trying to keep Ginseng Fruit alive. He put Ginseng Fruit down for FIVE SECONDS and in the next scene they're picking a fight with an already upset Stone Monkey and almost getting their skull crushed in. They were right back on Six Ears's hip in the next shot lol. Can't take these guys anywhere.
But in reality it was probably just Six Ears's self-appointed Monkey Kinda-Maybe-Prince Boy Scout babysitting reflexes kicking in. He accompanied an upset Stone Monkey to go find this other friend of his, saw this little guy with tiny little legs trying to keep up with them (and especially Stone Monkey who was probably not in the mood to slow down or have Ginseng Fruit on him), and just scooped without a second thought. And Ginseng Fruit likes him! At least if their comment about Six Ears being cute later is anything to go by. You have a stalwart fan now, Six Ears. You carried them, spoke up for them a bit, and now they will die for you. Ginseng Fruit does nothing by halves.
This episode had so much character relationship building in it. I loved it a lot. The actual editing of the episode was a bit more like a fever dream or like the guy storyboarding it hadn't slept in a week, so I hope they're all right, but the writing was hitting all the beats. It was so good. Easily my favorite.
#mhw09 personal#this was 'stone monkey loves his friends so much' the episode#jade rabbit!#speedrunning enemies-to-friends#their entire back-to-back fight!#starting from the three-way fight between stone monkey the demon army and jade rabbit#from stone monkey LOOKING RIGHT AT HER before 'accidentally' letting her get caught by the rope and then going#'oh whoops didn't see you there!'#(I don't think he actually knew who EXACTLY was behind him but he wasn't too torn up about the fact he got jade rabbit caught lol)#(he knows she's out for his blood)#then letting her loose as soon as he dealt with the demon army soldiers only for jade rabbit to go straight to trying to kill him again#right up until a soldier gets a shot at jade rabbit's back and stone monkey TAKES A BLOW FROM HER to protect her#(his pained grimace-smile and mild trepidation knowing he's left himself vulnerable to her. ahhhh.)#then THAT TROPE of her looking like she was going to take advantage and strike him before taking out the OTHER guy coming up behind HIM#AHHHH#the truce!#stone monkey putting himself at jade rabbit's back 'IF YOU WANT TO MAKE ME INTO MEDICINE YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO KILL ALL THESE MONSTERS FIRST#with that absolutely infuriating smug grin#jade rabbit being immediately on board: 'Okay. And when I do I won't have mercy on you!'#a true bash siblings moment#lol
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the speed, the rate with which arthur just Opens Up to rains fall.... friendship ended with dutch now rains fall is my dad
#rains fall saying ''I saw death being handed out so freely by the most foolish of men. I never could equate it with victory''#especially WHEN he says this... in the middle of dutch's downfall so to speak#high honor arthur hears this.... is desperate to make peace... is desperate to do something good before he leaves#rains fall and eagle flies make me absolutely sob.#personal#juniper plays rdr2#but i think a lot of this vulnerability comes FROM arthur.... arthur first says ''i'm not [doing too well]. I think i'm dying''#when john asks? ''i'm fine''#when ANYONE in the gang asks? hes FINE#he gets MAD at sadie when sadie makes him shoot#bro i dunno. its fascinating. i think arthur wants to be vulnerable
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i see “your parents actually werent around much” and say “that isnt angsty enough and doesnt channel my personal trauma in a way i want”
#cw for addiction and suicide in the following tags my besties <3#both of her parents were definitely addicts. i think her dad was also a musician and like. at first it was drinking#and then it was opiates at parties and then it was heroin.#he died. i think. right around when she met seven. right before. seven never met him. so she was. what they met in 7th grade?#she was 12. and she got into an honest to god fight with her dad and screamed that he was ruining their family.#& he stormed out. and. she doesn't actually know. she was 12 and no one would tell her. all she knows is that she hurt him.#and then he was dead. as an adult she wonders if it was an intentional OD or just he was upset and did too much.#as a kid there was just such a clear line between 'she was hurt and said something cruel and someone she loved got hurt'#i mean of fucking course it has a profound impact on her. but she's pretty reserved because of it. and careful w her words and actions.#(seven is the only person she was ever vulnerable with and that ended badly too innit <3)#anyway her mom is still around. she's a garden variety alcoholic. after what happened to her husband she's tried to quit a few times.#she always relapses. she thinks florrie hates her. she's terrified to reach out or say anything to her.#florrie is afraid to invest in her or really get close because. well. she was close to her dad.#miss ma'am doesn't HAVE any secure attachments. she doesn't HAVE anyone she can be vulnerable with.#she's not going to put any kind of trust in someone who seems to her to be unstable.#which i think is part of her little crush on orion. her life is a mess man she's a little bisexual disaster.#oh also i think she has a sister. i haven't decided older or younger. she's estranged and kind of pissed at florrie.#they were close as teenagers but once golden hour took off florrie prioritized the band a few too many times#and left her sister to deal with their mom. and her sister just kind of went. 'fuck it fuck you all' and fucked off to london.#they text each other happy birthday usually. that's about it.#carly.txt#carly's ocs#oc: florrie#brother you know i'm down bad for an oc when i start writing tag essays.
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#no one’s gonna pick date but god that’d be a funny option#he’d be supportive but also would be so caught off guard and so uneducated on the topic he’d say just. the stupidest shit#and you KNOW kiryu would just say it out of the fucking blue. date would probably drop a glass or something behind the counter. whiplash#anyway honestly it’s always been hard for me to pick between haruka and daigo- haruka obviously is the number one most important person to#him and if he’s gonna be that vulnerable with anyone it’s most likely gonna be her#HOWEVER. if he (miraculously) picked up on daigo never having an interest in women and having at least one close male companion that was a#liiiiitttttle too close to be Just a companion#then daigo has an advantage because. i mean. it’d guarantee the person he’d admitting this too wouldn’t judge him for it#and would have- amusingly enough- more experience in the area than kiryu himself thus the possibility for advice/reassurance#which is such an interesting conceptual conversation that I started writing it. maybe one day I’ll finish it……….#I think the only way he’d come out ti majima first would be completely on accident / incidentally#like. getting drunk with him and laughing about whatever havin a good time and after a waitress or whoever hits on kiryu majima says like#‘you know- I’ve known you for like 30 years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you return the favor when a gal flirts with ya- so what kinda#gals ARE you into–‘ ‘I don’t think I’ve ever really been into any women. ………. ah.’#anyway that’s just one thought#anyway have fun with this#kiryu#kazuma kiryu#yakuza#rambling#polls
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wow when i think about it maybe this year wasn't that bad
#i mean yes it was one of the worst definitely i kept falling down and down and down and i def hit rock bottom#highest weight of my life 'pcod' 'pre diabetes' ugh that was the worst#and the generally not studying#but but but. im going to list all the good things because it made me feel so weirdly happy that wow this happened to me#let's go chronologically#1. pretty awesome birthday got a gift from my then bestf which made me feel so seen and so understood#for the first time in life to the extent that i couldn't believe that paying attention to me and loving me so much was even possible#2. discovered i def like guys too and him writing on a tissue to me hbd and me giving him that letter which was almost like a love letter#that was so brave and vulnerable of me i can't believe i did that im proud of myself#3. learning thru an admittedly bad experience that there is no timeline for life and experiences and i definitely do not need#to have like sex and stuff to be cool and fit in its okay to wait for the right person it doesn't make me a loser#because at the end of the day i have to live with it i can sleep with someone just because i hate the feeling of being 21 and feeling#like im behind everyone but then that would be disrespectful to myself and i deserve better#4. that brief period of 15 days when i was almost friends with this girl from office and even tho she left i still remember resting my head#on her shoulders and feeling safe after so long#5. getting drunk with my bestie that was pretty awesome i shouldn't say this but it was such a good year for us cause she broke up with her#bf so whenever we met we would just play music and dance to sabrina#6. getting drunk with my SISTER and clubbing with her fuck that was pretty awesome i love her and i love her guy friend and i really hope#he succeeds in pata ing her and he becomes my future jiju#7. passinv this exam. i honestly didn't think i had it in me to get this degree and it's still hard to believe but i do feel motivated to#try now. i worked hard i sincerely studied which i hadn't done in like 2 years and it really feels like god#said yeah beta you take this win and keep getting better okay?#so much bad happened too ive now lost everyone except my family and my one irl bestf but i still feel hopeful. i hope it will be ok 2025
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