#first it's 'but what IS equivalent and what IS exchange'

[auntie-browning]

Horror, pure unbridled horror. The doll, as weak as she was, feared less for her life for it was nothing real to anyone. No, she feared more for those who did know what they were doing. Fools of grandeur partaking in the sadistic euphoria of vengeance, unaware of their own culling to befall them. Slowly, the shadow of despair loomed out of the light-depraved crevasses of the world, striding effortlessly toward two targets of value.

Browning was all too weak to prevent this.

Her attempts to warn her assailants weren’t able to leave the lower recesses of her trachea, smothered by logic loop processes of simulated pain and an ancient evil force within her. Weakness overflowed her system, something foreign to her artificial being. Try as she might, she was too powerless to prevent what was happening. All desires to voice were suppressed within and every instance to pray for Zia’s restraint were ignored. She couldn’t bare to watch what would happen next. She hoped that it would have been quick…she hoped she didn’t have to bear witness…

She wasn’t that lucky it seems.

Ziatrix had shown her prowess in full force, savoring that display of force. Browning was in as much horror as her skewered assailants, pierced by clear spires of liquid…tainted crimson from the blood flowing free. Nothing prepared the doll for what she was witnessing. No amount of neural computational power could have let her imagine such a macabre image before her. Flurries of sadistic intent laden deep within her gaze. This wasn’t just to survive for her…no, this was an artform…a ritual of flesh and spirit.

Cries of horror filled the air as this ritual of new faith continued, dining onto the flesh of the damned. If the doll could muster up the force, she would have screamed with them. She knew now, without a shadow of doubt, what fate was to befall her now. It was no longer some abstract imagination of painless death she feverishly hoped for. No, for the first time now, the doll saw what her death will be, how it will happen, what will happen to her, and why it will occur. The only question left to answer for herself will be…when?

As these thoughts race around in her neural cloud, they seemed to leave her mind particularly vulnerable to the further corruptions of this infection of Red. This new primordial maw from within beckoned upon the mind of the doll, like trumpets upon the walls of Jericho. Her linked sensations beholding the feelings of euphoric satisfaction upon every morsel of flesh and every bound of spiritual essence. The screeching of the flesh replaced with the haunting wailings of the soul consumed.

All that was left now…was the satisfied squelching of a demon well fed.

The demon queen turned her gaze upon the poor doll. Violet beams watching over the pathetic mess of a soldier on the floor. For once in her life, Browning didn’t know what was going to happen. She feared that this sampling would not satiate her, even if she were full. She wondered what evils will now befall her own being.

Every step she too seemed like an eternity. Browning struggled to escape away from what she saw as certain death. She didn’t want to die, not like this…not like how she saw her consume them. Please, dear God not like this.

Of course, it seemed that it was not to be the end for her…not yet at least. Be it mercy upon mercy or simply the sadistic glee of prolong her suffering, Ziatrix was not going to cull her being tonight. For whatever reason, she seemed content with the idea of repairing that pathetic doll…even if she were to reject the way she was going to do it. Flesh for flesh, blood for blood…an equivalent exchange of beings. This monster was to repair her with the flesh she had enjoyed.

Even if it were against everything the doll was against.

“…P-Please…s-stop…I-I…d-don’t…want…”

She tried her best to protest, feeling the unholy binding of flesh to bionic skin occur. The attunement of cells to plaster themselves next to synthetic meat, bonding into unnatural matrimony. Nerve endings entwined with electrical processors, bridging signals to communicate with the systems already there. Her groans of pain grew louder as the bonds stronger.

Zia had repaired her at the cost of finally sullying her old existence. There was no coming back from this path she had decided to take with her. This road to oblivion.

Just as the situation was about to cascade, Ziatrix slipped away from the scene. Just as quietly as she moved, as inhumanely as she could be, one moment Browning saw her. The next when she moved to confront the men, the strange woman vanished.

If anything it was a last attempt to abide by Browning's wishes. No death, no fighting, avoid the conflict, be unseen and leave once the task was done. As they walked Browning away, Ziatrix slipped back to the vehicle unnaturally, setting the process up and letting fuel flow by itself into their container.

She filled what she could from watching Browning do the same, unseen in the dark by the vehicle, as if light itself wished not to interact with her.

Even if one looked back, they'd see nothing. They wouldn't notice Ziatrix finishing what she could and moving on, hiding their stuff before following them silently into the alley.

Purple eyes watched as diplomacy was eroded away, they men were angry and they were about to take it out on Browning. Could she handle them? Perhaps... Browning was not just a human, but a stab being inflicted already, with possibly more on the way.

She fell, pain causing her to seize up. The men standing over her, kicking the body to see how much it hurt, gawking and reveling in their petty revenge.

They wouldn't even notice Ziatrix dropping down behind them, only Browning out. Her eyes catching the purple eyed woman landing behind them, shadows from the streetlights behind her hiding the intent that only Browning could feel.

Hunger. Malice. The feeling of helplessness towards a peaceful solution, and the decision made hastily.

I eat.

"Men of the alley, refined guests of our banquet." Her voice startled the two, both of them looking at the stranger before them.

"Get lost bitch, this isn't any of your business." One shouts.

The other pulls from his jacket a firearm, and points it. "Did you not hear us?"

Ziatrix does not flinch, she continues her approach. Her tongue licks her lips, Browning can feel it. Utter desire to eat.

"I did not... nor do I care." A gunshot rings out, the sound of a knife hitting the cement clatters beside Browning. The two men are stuck, their eyes wife, red drips down their bodies to the floor.

From puddles all over, thin needles of water are stretching, piercing both men in several very non-lethal points. Enough however to lock them in place, their wrists and hands are pierced and the gun and knife drop.

Like being caught in a max of spikes, each running through their body avoiding delicious precious insides.

"If action is taken...near not a shred of their behind." She walks to the first man, the one who stabbed Browning. Her hand swipes through them, splashing water, ripping flesh with claw like fingers. She takes a literal chunk from them, just enough to fit in her hand.

As the flesh leaves his body, a spectral looking thing follows. It looks like a translucent copy of him being stretched from the body. Brought with that flesh as Ziatrix savors it, eating the meat and the soul of the man. It screams, his body screams like it should in pain, but the soul, the translucent one of him screams too. It shreds apart, some of it returning to the body.

The man's yells subsided as his mind recoils, panic set sin. She's eaten a part of him, and a part of his essence, of his soul and personality.

The man is jumbled, he can't make words, he can't form thought. And Ziatrix only gets more excited, she turns to the other, and the same thing.

A leg severed, the soul stretched out, she rends into it, like the flesh is vanishing as it enters her mouth. She eats it all down and some of his soul and personality.

The water spikes turn from needles to blades almost, water pressure cutting the men up as she eats them piece by piece, the screams of their physical bodies subside to their screaming souls being sucked up and eaten too.

As if when she bites, it's merely torn to become part of her. Stored in an infinite nothing, and the translucent visible souls even to Browning, are torn apart, muffled as they're slurped up like pasta.

Until nothing is left and the water washes away the blood, a horrid vision to take in.

Ziatrix' eyes turning to Browning. The poor girl left with one feeling inside.

Full and Satisfied. Crouching down she places her hand to Browning's gut, a cool running water feeling seals her would and fixes her.

"Don't move...I will use their mass to mimic your body and fix what is broken."

Probably not.. the words one might wish to hear from the blood lips of a creature that horrendously just ate two men in both physical and soul ways.

[compacflt]

your use of names throughout your works is just sooo chef's kiss - I noticed that while you have the internal dialogue of Mav and Ice refer to themself/each other as Maverick/Ice and Mitchell/Kazansky for the majority of your fics, there are instances where they do call each other by their first names even before they 'talk about it'. I was wondering if you had any thoughts about the first time they called each other Pete/Tom? Any preceding events/emotions/conversations? Or did it just slip out?

LMFAO it’s when they first jack each other off LOL LOL

but aside from that the next times they call each other by their first names are: when bradley comes out to them (Pete), and literally 9/11 (Tom).

the whole “when they use names vs navy-issued identities” topic is one of those things I can’t talk about for too long without sounding like im sucking my own dick (bc im very proud of it) so ill just leave it there

[fuctacles]

Found a whole pack of cigs on the sidewalk and the last time this happened my shrink yelled at me and threatened me with cancer and sent me into a huge breakdown so worse things are coming.

[celestial-kestrel]

It's that time of year again where Mari Lwyd starts to be talked about and shared around and an INCREDIBLY misleading post gets shared a lot. As someone who grew up with Mari Lwyd I wanted to clear some things up.

Also hello, if you are unaware who Mari Lwyd is. This is about the Welsh tradition of the horse skull who visits houses during the Christmas to New Years period in Wales asking for alcohol.

First off and probably the most important one:

Mari Lwyd is not a cryptid!

I can not emphasise this enough. She. Is. Not. A. Cryptid. There is no story or mystery about a ghost or zombie horse roaming the Welsh valleys. She's not even supposed to be a ghost or a zombie. It's just a horse skull on a stick with a guy under a sheet. She's a hobbyhorse and a folk character used to tell Welsh stories and keep songs alive. When people spread the misinformation that she's a cryptid, it's the equivalent of saying Kermit the Frog is a cryptid.

She is actually only one character in a wider cast of characters who go door to door or, in more modern times, pub to pub. The cast of characters can change town to town and village to village but there are some common ones I see time and time again. The Leader, the Merryman, The Jester and The Lady are just some I see regularly. Punch and Judy used to be more popular a few years ago but I haven't seen them in a while as their tradition has mostly fallen out of popularity. In most cases, almost the whole cast will be played by men. Even the characters are considered and referred to as female. Though this again depends and varies by which group is partaking in the Mari Lwyd tradition.

This point also goes onto my second point,

Mari Lwyd does not rap.

I think this comes from a very common misunderstanding of what rap is vs spoken word. Rap is a very specific style of music originating from the African American communities of the USA and has it's own structure and motifs unique to it. It's a lot more complex than people give it credit for as a style of music and just flippantly assign anything similar to it as being rap. If someone is talking fast or reciting poetry, it is not rap. Or anything that is an exchange of words between two people is not a rap battle. Mari Lwyd does not do rap, actually something that gets left out of these posts is the fact Mari Lwyd does not even speak. It's actually the Leader, who does all the speaking and song based banter between the house/pub owner for entry. Mari Lwyd just clicks her mouth, bites people and bobs her head around.

I think Mari Lwyd is a really beautiful and unique part of Welsh culture. She's not actually as wildly celebrated as a lot of the posts make her out to be. Actually, I think most Welsh people themselves learn about Mari Lwyd through the internet as well. Her popularity is increasing thanks to the drive of local groups wanting to keep the traditions alive and a renewed desire to document Welsh traditions before they're gone. Which is why it's such a shame that she's turned into something she's not to earn horror points on the internet. I think this is why it bothers me so much to see the misunderstandings of the culture and the folk tradition. Mari Lwyd's origin is very hot debated as well as how long it's been going on for. But I think it's thanks to a lot of traditions like this that the Welsh language and our stories weren't lost forever. Welsh culture is recovering as is the language. But it's still in a very fragile place. I think it's why it's important to document and correct information when it's spread.

Anyway, if you want to see the tradition in action, here's a lovely video from the Cwmafan RFC going to one of the pubs for charity. It includes the song exchange with the pub owner for entry and the whole pub singing and joining in once Mari Lwyd and the rest are inside.

As well with another video from St Fagan's showcasing the more traditional and door to door form with the larger cast.

[microwavestim]

i think i got the secret Third version of being traumatized by the internet as a child. i never went on omegle, and my time on amino was actually quite pleasant. my goofy ass was getting groomed over obscure online games such as unison league, graal, and supermii

[cosmicalily]

'real love baby' with stray kids, ot8 headcanons by @cosmicalily

author's note: i absolutely adore this song by father john misty; i think it's the sweetest love song and just so prettily written. i wanted to do headcanons kind of similar to my 'everything is romantic' ones, where instead of just going off typical love languages and tropes (which are beautiful in their own way!), i kind of make up my own and unique scenarios for each! hope you enjoy! warnings: angst in hyunjin's, jisung's, and seungmin's (reasonably mild)

Chris, who loves you adoringly.

It was quiet in your apartment when you got home, although you knew that Chris would most definitely not be asleep. However, you walked through slowly and silently, just in case he was doing something important. Suddenly, you walked into a firm, black tank-top clad chest and squealed. A bouquet of roses dropped to the floor, petals falling everywhere. “I’m sorry, I was trying to be sneaky,” You sighed, shifting your sock across the petals. “Were these for me?” “No, they were for Han Jisung,” Chris deadpanned, then burst out giggling. “Of course they were. Although they’re a bit fucked up now. Sorry, baby.” You smiled at him. “That’s okay. What was the occasion, anyway? It’s not anywhere near our anniversary or my birthday or anything.” “Nothing. Just wanted to remind you that you’re a cute girl who deserves cute stuff like this, and that I love you.”

Minho, who loves you quietly.

When you come home from a girls’ night out, Minho doesn’t like to immediately approach you at the door. Instead, he stays where he is, sitting upright in bed, phone on his bedside table. He watches you as you undo your hair, take off your dress and put on your pyjamas. He watches you in the bathroom mirror, wiping off your makeup and washing your face. When you’re done, you come to him in bed, and it’s then that he pulls you onto his lap, slipping his hands around your waist and kissing you softly. It’s the moments like this that the two of you crave, the little pockets of quiet amongst your chaotic lives. And that’s where you’ll stay, cosy against each other, minimal words exchanged. Because he can’t ever find any that fully expresses the warmth he feels for you, the love in his eyes as he observes you simply existing. “Hold me,” is all he mumbles, and that’s exactly what you do.

Changbin, who loves you loudly.

“Doesn't my girlfriend look beautiful today?” Changbin asks, gesturing towards you. You’re pretty sure you’ve heard this exact question seven times now, said to each of the boys, and you’re not even that dressed up. However, to Changbin, in a simple pink sweater and loose jeans, you’re the equivalent of a Victoria’s Secret Angel, wings, halo and all.  “This feels like a trick question. If I say yes, you’re gonna punch me. If I say no, you’ll do the same,” Chris sighs, but offers you a smile. “I like the sweater.” “Thanks,” you reply, lightly shoving your boyfriend. “Changbin, sweetheart, that’s enough. Talk to them about other things. It’s boring otherwise.” “You’re not boring! You’re all I ever want to talk about,” he pouts, and you giggle.

Hyunjin, who loves you intensely.

Sometimes Hyunjin feels like he’s too much for you. At times, in between his dramatic statements, sweet pieces of poetry and watercolour paintings, he feels a tiny bit of fear. Fear that all his romantic gestures simply overwhelm you. When he gets himself into this fragile headspace, it’s you that returns his passionate love, reminding him that it’s the reason you fell for him in the first place. Carrying a huge bouquet of flowers, you confront your boyfriend, who is sitting on the couch, scrolling on his phone. He’s been quiet today. “Flowers for you, pretty boy,” you declare, thrusting the bouquet into his arms. “I also sent you the link to a playlist of songs I want to play at our wedding, and there’s wine in the kitchen.” “Baby…when I do things like this for you, it’s not too much, is it? I’m not too much for you?” he asks, placing the flowers on the floor and reaching for your waist. “Never. You could never be, Hyune.”

Jisung, who loves you softly. 

You’d been best friends with Jisung since the beginning of high school, and dating since the end. He was your other half, someone who’d been with you since the start and who you knew would stay until the end. You were both fragile at times; him with his anxiety and you with your melancholia. There were days that were tough, times where you both needed endless support and validation just to make it to the end. Today, you lay in the bath, your body numb, head hurting. You weren’t in a good headspace, and Jisung knew this when he approached you gently. “Do you want me to rub your shoulders, baby?” he’d asked softly, running the pad of his thumb across your eyes where the tears brimmed. “Yes please,” you’d mumbled in response, and he kissed the tip of your nose.

Felix, who loves you warmly.

Felix would see the two of you in everything, from an old couple drinking tea to a pair of marshmallow keychains. He loved you more than he thought was possible, in ways that made his heart feel fit to bursting. It brought him a rush of excitement and joy, something he carried with him throughout the day. His favourite time with you was the mornings; the sunlight from the open window pouring into the room, casting a yellow glow. You always woke up before him, leg thrust across his, forehead pressed against his neck, pressing soft kisses to the warm skin. “Morning, sweet girl,” he’d murmur, voice groggy. “Did you sleep well?” “Dreamt of you,” you’d reply chirpily, and he’d giggle. He hoisted your body off his, laying you on your back. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, his hands travelled to your waist, before he tickled the soft skin.

Seungmin, who loves you unconditionally.

It had not been an easy day for you. On top of your hormones, a full day at work and having not seen your boyfriend for a week while he’d been filming overseas, you’d just remembered you had an assignment due that evening at midnight. When Seungmin came through the door, eyes bright and smile wide, excited to see you, you threw yourself at him, bursting into tears. He pulled you in close and tight, letting you cry into his shoulder. He didn’t know what had happened, whether you were upset or angry or stressed, but he held you, because he didn’t mind. Your body relaxed against his a little, and you pulled away, eyes puffy. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “I’m such a mess.” “Don’t be,” he replied honestly, and kissed your cheek softly. “You breathed today. That’s enough to be proud of.”

Jeongin, who loves you sweetly. 

You and Jeongin’s love for fashion was what had sparked your relationship in the first place; you’d met him on Depop of all places, purchasing a leather jacket he didn’t wear enough. He’d asked for your Instagram so he could see pictures of you in ‘his baby’, and as a result, your crush had blossomed. Now, he didn’t have to sell you his clothes; they were in his wardrobe, free for you to grab whenever he wanted. And he encouraged it, because he loved seeing you in them. He’d also often buy pieces for you that he thought you’d like. “I found this skirt in the vintage shop down the road,” he’d said, pulling out a plaid miniskirt. “It’s like the one I saw saved on your Pinterest board.” “Baby, that is the one saved on my Pinterest board,” you’d gasped, staring at the skirt in shock. “It’s also Vivienne Westwood. I don’t even want to know how much it cost you.” “Then I won’t tell you,” he replied plainly, smiling. “Go try it on. You’ll look adorable.”

[xiaowhore]

equivalent exchange.

DRAFT. this fic is incomplete, as i've stated in this post. this has been sitting in the dungeon for a while, and i have no plans to finish them, but i posted these drafts to not let them go to waste. it is up to you if you still want to read them regardless of their incompletion :) i will be writing my original ideas for the fic at the end so you guys will have an idea of what the fic was supposed to be like.

premise. when ayato stumbles upon a drafted resignation letter on your desk, he doubles his efforts to show you the perquisites of staying by his side.

he doesn't want to lose a competent subordinate. that's all there is to it.

note. what's wrong with secretary kim au but it's definitely not the same because i stopped watching at episode 5 and have no idea what happened. anyways i think we were all expecting a ceo!ayato x secretary!reader fic at some point so here it is. (couldn't keep this gender neutral for plot reasons, so feminine pronouns were used.)

Kamisato Ayato considers himself a good boss.

Or as far as things go, he's a decent one. He treats his employees well, takes them to expensive restaurants for company dinners, and discourages overtime so they can head off early for the night. He doesn't care much for formalities, and he gets along with his colleagues fairly well. He's never heard anyone talk behind his back or complain about his attitude at work, and there aren't any rumors spreading about him (if he turns a blind eye to the conspiratorial gossip guessing his relationship status).

But he does have minor faults. Like showing a more mischievous side when work hours are over. Getting Thoma dead drunk during dinners because his half-conscious inebriated talking is a form of amusement, or riling up Itto in drinking games just because it's funny. Then he leaves Sara to clean up the mess for him, since Yae seems to enjoy the comedy sketch as thoroughly as he does and probably won't lift a finger to help even if he asked her to.

As his assistant, you're prone to falling victim to his shenanigans, silly stunts that coax out aggravated eye rolls and sighs of exasperation. Years of experience eventually shaped you up to be entirely immune to April Fools' pranks.

He's in the middle of planning another one when he spots a letter of resignation on your desk.

At first, he thinks it's your rebellious phase arriving a decade late. He always found it odd how you never retaliated against his tricks, and this may just be the long-awaited April Fools' prank of vengeance. If it is, it's particularly mean of you—Ayato does have feelings, you know? Even he would feel hurt if you told him you wanted to leave! You shouldn't take this kind of thing lightly!

Then he remembers you aren't the type to make jokes, April Fools' or otherwise, and it's that moment when he feels (proper) fear.

“[Name] wants to resign?!”

Ayato makes a zipping motion and Thoma's shrieks immediately die down, but the disbelief on his face has yet to wane. His brows scrunch together, brain hard at work in processing this piece of information, though it seems to short-circuit in utter confusion from the sudden blow.

Scandalized, Thoma lowers his head and levels his voice to a hushed whisper, “Are you sure you saw it correctly?”

“I have able eyes. Unfortunately, my optometrist confirmed my perfect vision and assured I saw it just fine.” Woe is he.

“Get them checked again.”

“No matter how much I check, it won't change the results, Thoma.”

“We don't know that for sure, sir!”

“Trust me,” Ayato deadpans, looking off into the distance, “I checked with him thrice.”

Defeated, Thoma leans back to his chair, crossing his arms while deep in thought. “You saw the letter, but she didn't turn it in, did she?”

“She didn't. No e-mail, either.” Ayato taps the table in a mindless rhythm, expression stern but the shape of his lips almost resembling a pout. “Do you have any idea why she'd want to resign?”

Thoma rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Is that a genuine question, sir?”

Ayato's head snaps back to look at his companion. “Why wouldn't it be?”

“...Everyone in the office knows you... tease her for your own amusement.”

“It's my way of showing affection.” The corners of his lips curl up, stretching to a twisted smile as he rests his cheek on his palm. “Isn't she just so adorable when she gets angry?”

“You really do have a rotten personality.”

Ayato waves his hand in a noncommittal response. “We're straying off topic. What should we do next?”

Thoma hums, closed fist beneath his chin. “Since she hasn't turned in the letter yet, that means she must be hesitating. For what reason, we don't know, but it's keeping her here. So before she makes up her mind, we should dissuade her from quitting no matter what.”

Ayato laces his fingers together, brow in an inquisitive arch. “And we do that by?”

Green eyes sparkle with tenacity, clashing with blue irises twinkling in intrigue. “We bribe her, sir. It's time to show off your good points.”

--

“If a woman quits her job, what do you think her reasons could be?”

Ayaka blinks owlishly at her brother, taken aback by the abrupt question. It's a sudden thing to ask, especially odd given how their conversation hasn't led to that topic at all. “Did someone resign? I haven't heard anything of the sort, though.”

Ayato shakes his head, stirring the boba tea in his hands. “It's a hypothetical.”

Which means it's real.

Ah, whatever. At least he didn't go for the “my friend...” excuse.

Ayaka warily cuts a portion of her cake, scrutinizing each microexpression flashing on Ayato's face. It's one of their weekly lunch meetings, squeezed between hectic schedules, and they more or less have a silent agreement to avoid discussions involving work if they could help it. But this time, he brought it up himself.

How peculiar.

“Perhaps she wants to change workplaces? If she's exemplary, she might have been offered a better position or higher pay.”

Ayato nearly scoffs at the suggestion. The company, old-fashioned as it is, can only be inherited by a direct line of descendants. Outsiders can only go so far, and being the secretary for the chief executive officer isn't bad at all. Last time he checked, he's been paying you generously as well—how many figures was it? Six?

“Oh!” Ayaka exclaims, holding up a finger as she seems to have figured out something. “Or maybe she wants to settle down and get married? If her work is keeping her occupied, she'll most likely take time off to find a husband.”

Ayato proceeds to choke on a tapioca pearl.

“Or she got married and wants to be a housewife-”

“That's quite enough, Ayaka.”

Ayato would rather believe the Earth is flat.

--

If Ayato were any less desperate, perhaps he would have rationalized that putting together “give her what she wants to make her stay” and “she wants to get married” is a bad, bad idea.

Unfortunately for him, he is grasping at straws, so it leaves him no choice. Yes. Definitely. There is no other option than this, obviously.

(He does not delve deeper into the reason why he doesn't want you to leave, nor does he dwell any longer on why he was so quick to think he was fine with getting married if it was to you.)

“Don’t you want to get married soon, Ms. [Surname]?”

To clarify, Ayato does not spy on other people's conversations for a hobby, but he's always had impeccable timing. It comes with the job.

He stands by the door, reaching for the doorknob to the break room, but the mention of your name forces him to a halt.

“Why are you asking me that...?” You awkwardly dodge the question, sipping on your coffee. “I suppose I am at that age, though.”

“So you do want to!” The squeal rings with a note of glee, a stark contrast to Ayato's gradually dimming mood. “Wouldn't it be nice to marry a good man? I'm sure even you have thought of it at some point! Are you seeing anyone, then? Anyone you can imagine yourself marrying?”

“No, not yet.”

Before Ayato can even heave a relieved sigh, you follow with, “But my mother is making me go on dates to see people. Said if I didn't bring home a man soon, she'd come all this way to drag me back by my ear and introduce me to her friend's son.”

“Ah, I get that...” Your friend replies emphatically, nodding. “But those kind of meetings hardly go well. And you can't exactly tell your mother's friend you don't find her son attractive, right?”

“Why not just marry Mr. Kamisato, then?” Another one pipes up, to which Ayato gives a mental salute of appreciation. “You spend most of your time together. If you're not married to your job, then you're practically married to him.”

A cackle sends his heart dropping to his stomach.

“Not a chance.”

Can you at least expound why?!

“Huh? Why not? I mean, Mr. Kamisato is on another realm of existence and I can never hope to be on the same level as him, but you look good together!”

Your face pinches to a tight frown. “Look good together? In what way?”

“When you stand side by side, it just looks... right. And like I've mentioned earlier, you spend all your time with him. Why not seal the deal?”

“Mr. Kamisato is reliable, and if you marry him, you're set for life. He's handsome too, and we've all seen his muscles at our company sports day a few months ago!”

“I've never been so thankful for team-building events. Hallelujah.”

Ayato's face burns in embarrassment hearing the dreamy sighs. Even if they think there isn't anyone else listening on them (which is false), shouldn't they exert some restraint at work?

“Please don't lust over my boss,” you assert sternly, voice ice cold. “And we have a strictly professional relationship. So don't get any weird ideas from here on out, alright?”

“Fine. Tell me that again when I'm invited at your wedding, I dare you.”

“I said-”

They wave off your vehement protests at the statement. “Then if you're not into Mr. Kamisato, what do you plan to do?”

Ayato perks up, straining his ears in rapt attention.

“...I'm going on a date this weekend,” you sigh, rubbing circles on your temples. “I'll let you know how it goes.”

Oh no.

--

“-Dinner was nice. We didn't expect the rain shower, but he ran to the convenience store across the street to buy an umbrella because he didn't want me to get wet on the way to the car. He said it would be a waste if my hair got ruined since I-”

Slurp.

“...Styled it for the occasion. Then he drove me home. I found out we liked the same band from the music he played, and we agreed to-”

Sluuurp.

“-Go to their upcoming concert together. Then we somehow also like the same novel that's getting a movie adaption soon, so we also promised to see it-”

Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuurp.

“Could you please refrain from making noise when eating, sir?”

Ayato decidedly does not comply and only slurps his boba tea harder, nearly choking on a tapioca pearl yet again.

As always, you learn to ignore him.

“Concert... and a movie. I'm not sure about the concert, but the film you're talking about is the one coming out in the next two months, right?” Thoma confirms, sweating when Ayato's expression turns visibly grim. “You plan to see him for that long...?”

“Even if dating doesn't work out, we can always become friends, can't we?” You shrug, taking a bite out of your sandwich. “He seems like a nice guy. We get along really well, considering we've only met once. I ended up agreeing to a second date-”

The passive-aggressive slurping persists for the following afternoon.

--

“I've been meaning to ask for a while,” Thoma treads carefully, noticing Ayato's rapid-fire typing—no, striking—on the keyboard, “Ms. [Surname] is good at her job, but you seem really... eager to make her stay, sir.”

Ayato's fingers halt in their movement, and he takes a second to flash his business smile. “Of course. She's a valuable asset, and I'd be foolish to let her go.”

“Yes, I'm well aware, but...” Thoma scratches his cheek, looking off to the side. “You didn't go to such lengths when your former assistants resigned from their post. Or, uh... you fired most of them.”

“Yes,” Ayato simply agrees, still smiling, “she's competent. You don't find anyone like her easily, so it's only natural I'd want her to stay.”

“What do you mean by 'anyone like her,' sir?”

Thoma is awfully talkative today. Ayato might need to feed him something spicy to shut him up.

“Ms. [Surname] is special.” The words smoothly leave his lips. “Does anyone else have the meetings and company events scheduled for the next month memorized? She's the only one I can count on for work matters.”

Thoma's shoulders slump. “Okay, let me get straight to the point. Do you-”

“Mr. Kamisato?”

Thoma nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of your voice, accompanied by the clack of your heels.

“What is it?” The cold smile on his face finally melts to something more genuine, softer around the edges and looking especially radiant. It's welcoming, like your arrival counts as a joyous occasion, and he is exponentially more attentive compared to the way he lent Thoma half his ear (the other preoccupied with a phone call, which he swiftly ends the moment you walk in).

“I came to deliver some files from Ms. Miko... did I interrupt something?” You gesture to Thoma standing idly by the side, dumbfounded from Ayato's inconceivable behavior.

“Not at all. Is there anything else?” Ayato accepts the documents, noticing your hesitance to leave.

“Ah, yes, I will be asking for time off tomorrow.”

That's... rare?

But it's not a hard request. Ayato's own schedule is blank for the most part, since the latest project wrapped up not too long ago, and the workload is lighter than usual. Missing one work day won't do any harm.

“It's fine, but could I ask why?”

You fidget, tentative as you reply, “I was invited... for a trip on a cruise. He insisted I come since his friend bailed on him and the tickets would go to waste.”

The warmth in his eyes freezes over.

“The tickets would go to waste...” Ayato repeats under his breath, mockingly cruel. The tone flies past your head but it hits Thoma full-force, making him sweat profusely.

Distasteful. An utter disgrace of a man. The magnitude of his ignorance is so awe-inspiring, I have to applaud. I must give credit where it is due, and the foolishness of this clown is truly impressive. “The tickets will go to waste,” he says? His money must worth more to him than his dignity. Inviting Ms. [Surname] to a date on a workday with no regard for her schedule is one thing, but making her out to be an afterthought as a substitute for his original travel partner is another. How shameful. This is no way to treat a lady. If Ayaka were to be with a man of his caliber, I would never allow it.

But what he says outloud is of course, “I see. I hope you have fun, then.”

--

Corporate events are, for the most part, adequately entertaining.

Preparing for it is not.

But the worst part isn't even brainstorming themes, or finding an appropriate venue, or planning the logistics, or writing the guest list.

It's choosing what to wear.

Actually, the cause for Ayato's headache isn't even what attire he'll go with. It's yours.

“That looks wonderful,” Yae praises, looking at the picture on your phone. It displays a silver necklace, a tear drop topaz encased in a diamond twist. It pairs well with the dress you bought with Ayaka last week, an elegant fit that accentuated your curves.

However.

“He chose that for you, didn't he?”

The stoic line of Ayato's mouth twitches and his eyes can't help but sweep over your screen, scrutinizing each grainy pixel.

Though he has plenty of insults prepared at his arsenal, he can't find anything to nitpick about. Damn it. It's a good choice.

“You'll look stunning,” Kokomi assures good-naturedly, smiling in delight. Ayato does not doubt that will be the case, but he's sure he would be in a foul mood the entire night if he were to see you adorning it.

He has already retrieved his coffee from the break room so he excuses himself to his office, long strides that lead him out of earshot.

As a result, he doesn't hear the following conversation.

“Why this, though?” Kokomi asks, looking closely at the accessory. “It's a simple design. Doesn't look like something a man would pick from the rest.”

You shake your head. “I just told him I wanted something blue, and I couldn't choose myself because there were too many that caught my eye...”

“Blue?” She echoes, a simple curiosity. “Why blue?”

“...It's a pretty color.”

--

It is an actual coincidence that Ayato runs into you in the middle of shopping.

You're hunched over a display stand showcasing a variety of earrings, deep in thought as you observe each one. You're doing that thing where you scrunch your nose in concentration, a habit Ayato doesn't think you even realize you have.

“Fancy meeting you here, Ms. [Surname].”

(He wonders what face you would've made if he said “You go here often?” instead. Probably some degree of disgust.)

You blink, correcting your posture and nodding in greeting. You don't look particularly thrilled to see him, but at least you're unbothered by the prospect of seeing your boss on a free day. “You're here to shop too, Mr. Kamisato?”

Ayato smiles amicably. “I am. Were you planning to buy earrings?”

“Yes, but...” Your gaze returns to the display, your own smile faltering. “It is a bit difficult to choose.”

He walks over, scanning the variety up and down. “Is it really? You only need to choose a pair that matches your necklace, right?” He focuses on shades of silver, bypassing the vibrant colors of reds and pinks. Not even fifteen seconds later, he picks out a card and holds it out next to your ear. “This one looks nice on you.”

“Huh? Really?” Perhaps surprised by his swiftness, it takes you a moment to react accordingly. You take the card from his hands and flip it over, eyes widening by a fraction. “Oh. It is rather pretty.” Then they widen further as big as saucers. “I can't say the same for the price tag, though.”

“Hm? What price tag?”

He plucks the earrings from your hands, walks to the counter, and pays for it without a second thought.

“M-Mr. Kamisato?”

“Pull up your hair.”

“Eh? Oh, okay.”

You're so caught off guard that you unwittingly do as he says, tucking your hair back obediently and still processing the last two minutes.

His fingers tug at your ear, warmth bleeding to your skin, and by the time you return to reality, he's already putting the earrings on you.

STORY FLOW.

ok i lied i actually can't remember shit about this fic so i will be making up stuff as i go lol

what i do remember clearly is that the resignation notice that ayato found on your desk is years old. you meant to submit it way, way back when ayato was tougher on you, and you weren't as well-adjusted as you are now to the job yet. as stated in the fic, being ayato's secretary is no easy task—he'd fired countless people he thought was incompetent.

you fought a number of times, and you didn't know if you could keep up working for a man you thought was simply incompatible with you (in terms of being colleagues/partners).

but over time, you learned to work together. ayato acknowledged your efforts and hard work, and you knew ayato had been trying to give you less jobs to reduce your workload, but you were going to prove that hou could handle it.

what truly made you appreciate ayato more was when you got stranded at the train station. you dealt with a far company they collaborated with, but work ended later than expected, and you'd missed the last train home. taxis were an option, but youd have to go through several of them to get back. right when you were thinking of checking into a hotel, ayato informed you he was already on his way and drove a couple of hours to get where you were to bring you home.

time continued to pass, and that brings us back to the present. you were on the process of cleaning up your desk and left the old resignation notice out in the open by accident, which led to ayato seeing it.

it is very apparent to the others that you two like each other, but the involved parties themselves are unaware of it. you currently aren't eager to get married, but you were trying to meet people so your parents would stop bugging you about still being single.

anyway, ayato bought those earrings for you. timeskip to the corporate event. you unconsciously picked a blue motif for your outfit because it reminds you of ayato.

when you get there, surprise, surprise. the man you were meeting, kazuha is a bigwig, heir to some other corporation. he actually owned that cruise he invited you to and pretended he didn't because you might be intimidated. ayato didn't think the kazuha he knew and the kazuha you knew were the same person, and now the advantage he had over him was ruled out (i.e being rich). (actually while i was rereading i was surprised i didn't mention that it was kazuha...? istg i was imagining him the whole time i wrote about him)

anyhow, as it became later in the night, ayato wanted to get you home before kazuha could offer to drive you back or worse, spend the night with him. ayato acted drunk so you'd tend to him and accompany him home while his driver was in charge of taking you to his apartment. as you were nagging at him, he compared your interactions with him to yours and kazuha's. you were certainly nicer to that man. smiled at him a lot more, too. did you really like him that much?

if you did, could he let you go?

he was ashamed that he couldn't answer it right away. as if he had any right to whatever you do.

you carried him to bed when you got to his apartment, but when you were preparing to leave, he hugged you from behind. do you like that man? why do you want to leave me? why can't it be me? ayato was just pretending to be drunk, but he felt dizzy now, soaked in your scent. he said things that he wasn't supposed to. things that he couldn't take back. things that would change your relationship forever.

slowly, you took away the hands wrapped around your waist. ayato figured that was a message of rejection.

but then you pushed him back down on the bed and you straddled his lap. his mind was silent for but a few seconds before he started screaming mentally.

i've always wanted you, but i knew it was impossible. you have a fiancee. i'm an ordinary worker. your family won't accept me. ayato's mind was in a daze because your face was so close to his, and all he could see was the red, glossy shade on your lips, but he managed to hear those few sentences.

it doesn't matter. nothing else matters. i can't marry if it's not you. if you accept me, i swear i'll make you happy.

from here on, it could be a happy, fluffy ending where turns out, you were tipsy so you were more honest with him and you fell asleep in the middle of kissing so he took it upon himself to change your dress into something more comfortable and end the night with a forehead kiss...

...or you could continue what you were doing and the first thing ayato takes off is the damned necklace so he could replace it with a smattering of hickeys. your choice ^^

[faiell]

HD Erised Art Claim - Stolen Glances 👀✨

It takes a while for their gazes to meet, but it doesn't mean they weren't always looking.

My giftee was @dodgerkedavra! It was very serendipitous, because dodger had written a fic earlier in the year based off of my prompt for the HD Hurt/Comfort fest. It felt like a good way that I could get her back, so... I tried my very best to!

She asked for: "kissing, intimate times, gorgeous light, when they’re looking at each other and so in love" and "intensity? of color" and "manbun", all of which I tried to deliver on. So yes, everyone thank her for the manbun.

A bit about it

I wanted to see if I could do the equivalent of a pining/slow-burn longfic with just a sequence of illustrations--and not even big, flashy ones with varying compositions--just relatively consistent shots that focus on them and the gradual shift in feelings towards one another.

The main concept was, as the title suggests, that they keep looking at each other when the other is not looking back. Visual yearning! In each illustration, the observer and observed swap. They seem to keep missing each other's glances, until the very last illustration, where they are gazing domestically at each other hahaha.

For each illustration I also tried to work with different color schemes, lighting, and moods, depending on what was happening. Draco's hair also goes on a bit of a journey, which was fun! It was my first time giving him long hair! My favorite length is just right before the manbun, when it's probably long enough to be annoying but not long enough to be put up.

The fest/exchange was all the right things for me - fun, inspiring, and challenging. Thanks to the lovely mods for all their hard work, and for making everything run so smoothly. And thanks to everyone who already left me really nice comments.

View on AO3

[comicaurora]

Opinions on fullmetal alchemist?

Brotherhood is the best anime ever made.

It's the most tightly-plotted slowburn mystery I've ever seen. Everything ties together. It makes more and more sense the more times I rewatch it, which in a mystery story is goddamn rare. In the very first episode, the filler villain at one point says "You don't understand the shape this country is in!" and that's a completely innocuous thing for this character to say except no it isn't

The magic system is a beautifully hard arrangement that never breaks its own rules, and it effortlessly explains everything you need to know to follow every alchemy-based twist just through the explanation of equivalent exchange and the question "what could equal the value of a human soul?" Alchemy follows equivalent exchange at all points and functions basically like Advanced Chemistry, and whenever it looks like the rules are being broken, it's just because somebody is burning human souls to do it.

The cast is massive, but never crowded. Everybody has a part to play. Even the seemingly-interchangeable minion characters all end up being unique contributers to the plot; there is truly no separation between Main Characters and Minor Characters because at any point anyone can turn out to be suddenly deeply important.

Contains a profound philosophical meditation on how even the most powerful person is not omnipotent, and the purposelessness of a power that can't be used to save the people they love, and this theme culminates in the only instance of the "extremely cool powerful badass sacrifices all their powers" trope that I actually 100% like.

Somehow this slowburn hard-magic mystery builds up to a massive anime confrontation about teenagers using the power of friendship to kill god and it never makes any buckwild leaps to get there. The resolution is emotionally satisfying and ridiculously kickass.

There are stories that I come back to more often, or hit me harder in the moment, or contain higher highs, or had more impact on their genres, but FMA:B is, pound for pound, the best anime ever made. 10s across the board.

[inbabylontheywept]

Weird Grandpa Story #2

I remember asking my mom once, if her dad had gotten ornerier as he'd gotten old. I'd heard about that happening, and it would've made sense for him. He was already the orneriest old cuss I'd ever met. Couldn't even imagine him being grumpier than he was.

Instead of answering the question directly, she told me about what it was like going to church with him as a kid. Their church was a small Mormon ward out in the sticks of Colorado, and he served as their Bishop - mostly by virtue of being the only one willing to do that much unpaid work. He was also the ward pianist. He actually liked playing piano, and he liked having an audience, so it was more or less understood that he was willing to be the bishop in exchange for being the pianist. 

Which could've been a good trade, but there were a few problems.

The first problem was that Grandpa Dale played every song at about triple speed. He was a deeply impatient person, and that extended to how he played music. The second problem was that he had a bad habit of cursing under his breath. That would've been a scandalous  enough habit for a Mormon bishop, but was made much worse (and also much funnier)  by him being pretty damn deaf. So what he thought of as "quiet" cursing under his breath was more of just a verse hoarse way of yelling. I only visited him for a week or two every summer, and I still learned most of my bad words from him. 

So every Sunday would start with a quiet prayer, and then Bishop Grandpa Dale would go to the piano, sit down, and play the nightcore version of Praise to the Man. He would occasionally play other hymns, but he really, really liked that one. This would continue until he hit a wrong note, which was basically inevitable because his music philosophy was that if he could play a song flawlessly, it was time to play it faster. So he'd play until he hit that wrong note, at which point he would scream-whisper SHIIIIIT and, because he did not actually read music so much as memorize it, the only way he'd be able to get his rhythm back was by going back to the start. 

If it was a good Sunday, he could get it in two tries. Some Sundays took as many as five. 

I learned two things about Grandpa Dale from this story. The first was that he could play piano. I'd never actually seen him do that before. Still haven't, come to think of it. Second was that the man that I visited once a year, who always seemed on the verge of exploding, who scared the absolute dickens out of me, was actually the chilled out version of the man my mom grew up with.

And it helped knowing that, actually. I'm actually a pretty anxious person, and my mom is, also, a pretty anxious person, and as a teenager we'd sometimes get in these doom loops where we'd wind each other up until our springs cracked. She'd be worried about me growing up to be happy, and I'd be worried about letting her down, and my worrying would make me unhappy, and my unhappiness would make her unhappy, and we'd just kind of dissolve into these anxieties like cotton candy in the sea and become totally unbearable to be around for a bit. Then my dad would sit us both down and very politely tell us that we were being crazy. He had this quote how being sad that someone else is sad that you're sad is the emotional equivalent of being a Klein flask and that at some point you have to just say I am allowed one (1) single layer of emotional recursion, at most, and ideally zero. 

And it was always kind of embarrassing and silly, but when I was tempted to be more upset with my mom about it, I could remember the piano story and go: Sheesh. She has more of a right to be anxious that I do. For me it's really just genetics, but she grew up with the Cactus-Killing Gopher-Smasher. A whole 18 years of that. I spent two weeks every summer with that guy, and I love him, but I always came home feeling like I'd survived something. She's a trooper.

[mrs-weasley-reid]

INVITATION LETTER

Aaron Hotchner x bau!reader ↳ part 1 here

Sypnosis: The team finally finds out about your relationship with Aaron Hotchner. WARNING: nothing, all fluff! A/N: not my gif, ctto!

"WHAT?!"

You and Aaron looked at each other in his office at the sound of Emily's voice echoing in the entire floor.

"You think they got it?" You asked in an innocent tone as a growing mischievous smile lifted up the ends of your lips.

A knock brought both your attention to the door.

Aaron looked back at you. He was biting back a smile, "I think they did."

You chuckled and walked to the door. You gave Aaron one last glimpse before swinging the door open, spilling the entire BAU team inside his office.

Penelope was first at the door, losing her balance from an equivalent weight of four agents on her back. She waved a card as she stepped inside the office, looking back and forth between you and Aaron. "This! What? When?" She took a deep breath, "What is this?!"

You calmly went closer to Penelope and gently grabbed the card, "Let me take a look." You pretended to read the contents as if you hadn't printed them out yourself. "Looks like an invitation to me," You handed the paper back to Penelope.

"Yeah?" Emily butter in, shoving Spencer aside. "An engagement party invitation—"

"Your engagement party invitation," Penelope concluded, pointing at the two of you.

JJ, being the most level-headed person in the group, stepped in, "I guess what everyone is trying to ask is... What? When? Where? How? And how long?" She smiled sweetly, but you could sense her impatience.

"You will answer us now, and you will answer us now!" Penelope threatened in an ever-energetic bounce of avidity.

You chuckled as you stood next to Aaron's desk, "You just said the same thing, Pen." You exchanged looks with Aaron.

"That's not the point. Why didn't you tell us?" Emily crossed her arms like a toddler.

David peeked into the office, holding his copy of the invitation card. "Ahh, I see you told the children." He joined the commotion inside, closing the door as if it'd change anything.

Emily scoffed, pointing at David, "But he knew?! That's so unfair! I thought we were friends." Her face was in utter disbelief.

Derek spoke from the back, "I'm not going to lie, but I kind of feel betrayed." He sighed, now also crossing his arms. "I expected it from Hotch, but not from you." He looked at you disappointingly.

"It's not like we purposely kept it a secret," Aaron leaned against the back of his seat. "We were always off on the same day. Thought you all would've caught up by now."

"You said you have movie nights with your son every Friday. Are you telling us that's a lie?" JJ worriedly looked at Aaron as if he had done a horrible crime using his child to get out of work and go on a date with you.

Spencer hummed, looking at you, "I specifically remember you saying you spend time with family every Friday. You asked me about superheroes because one of the kids in the family loves superheroes... Were you both talking about Jack this whole time?" He questioned, tilting his head in wonderment.

You and Aaron nodded at the same time. The team even got a glimpse of Aaron's small smile. He cherished the days he spent with you and Jack.

Penelope groaned, "You lied to the three of us." She stood between JJ and Emily, pointing at themselves. "We asked if something was going on with you and Hotch, and you denied it! You lie oh so well."

Emily nodded in agreement, "Yeah, that hurts a little bit. I didn't see this coming." She placed a hand on her chest, displaying disdain.

"Relax, guys, I'm sure they have a good reason why they didn't bother announcing it to everyone." JJ turned to the two of you with an annoyed smile, "Right?"

"Honestly, we just thought you'd figure it out yourselves." You shrugged, gesturing towards David. "I mean, Rossi knew."

"Uh, duh! Pasta man always knows everything." Penelope remarked.

"Hold on, please. Let's not bring me into this. You're mad at your parents. Don't blame grandpa." David reminded everyone, sniggering to himself as he saw you and Aaron glare at him.

Derek placed a hand over Penelope's shoulder, "You still haven't answered our questions." He emphasized the last word. "Is this real? Are you guys really getting married?"

You glanced at Aaron and were about to speak when he beat you to it, "We've been together for almost three years and engaged for a month." Aaron didn't mean to talk over you. He just felt like it was something he really wanted to announce himself. He was as excited as you were but just a tiny bit casual about it.

"A MONTH?!" Penelope's eyes were wide. You worried that a sudden move might cause it to pop out of her sockets. "We missed Hotch on his one knee?! Oh, my golly gracious! Pictures? What about pictures?"

Now that she mentioned it, a small part of you felt regretful that you and Aaron weren't great at capturing memories together. You just were always in the moment and forgot to stop one second to leave a picture behind.

Penelope shook her head as if she could read your mind. "You don't have pictures of your engagement?!" She freaked out, fanning herself.

David raised a finger, fishing his phone in his pocket. "Ah! I think I have some." He began tapping on the screen.

Emily scanned them and gave David a blank expression, "No offense, Rossi, but you suck at taking pictures. Sergio can take better pictures."

Another round of noises filled Aaron's office. He reckoned it had never been that crowded in that room before. The two of you watched as your small family of agents childishly reacted to your secret relationship. They responded just as you both predicted: a complete madhouse.

Aaron stood from his seat, walking around his desk to wrap you in his jacket. He did it more upfront, glancing at you with a smile as he laid the lapels of his coat flat on your shoulders. He fixed the collar, leaning against your ear, "Let me borrow this for a second, sweetheart." He whispered.

You only knitted your brows as you tried to make sense of what Aaron meant. Your hand reflexively felt the base of your neck as soon as you saw your engagement ring glistened in Aaron's hand. It may have caused you a mini heart attack when you felt nothing, but you quickly realized that Aaron meant to borrow it for everyone to see.

Everyone's mouth shut as soon as they noticed their unit chief on one knee, lifting your ring, just like the first he did.

JJ clasped her mouth with both her hands. Penelope had her phone in a flash. Emily was smacking Spencer's shoulder, to his dismay.

"You're my solace. The one person that I found myself vulnerable and yet the safest. I promise to love you for the rest of my life, so I hope that you'll allow me to spend it with you." Aaron spoke your name with such softness and love. "Will you let me marry you?"

A huge smile was plastered on your face. Granted, Aaron had said the same words a month ago. You were wearing a better dress, one of his jackets around your shoulder, per usual. His suit was more for leisure and not his everyday office attire. The venue was more privy and gave both of you such intimacy you couldn't help but cry.

But despite the crowded room and unromantic setting, the effect was still the same.

You felt the rim of your eyes heat up, nodding vigorously as if you hadn't been engaged for the past month. "Yes!"

Aaron placed the ring on your finger for the second time and grabbed you into a quick, soft kiss. The joy he felt coursed through his body. He couldn't help but have you in his arms.

The team cheered, clapping their hands in excitement. Some raised their hands to express their happiness.

"She said yes!" Emily jumped out with joy. She had one of her arms wrapped around Penelope's.

Penelope was satisfied; even if it wasn't the proposal in her mind, she was happy to be a part of such an amazing event in the whole team's entire lives.

"Now, can you all go back and do your jobs?" Aaron spoke firmly, jolting everyone into place.

You lightly smacked his chest as you laughed. You turned to the others and smiled, "He's kidding."

"I'm not," Aaron shook his head.

"He is," You clarified, giving him a playful glare.

Spencer was the one to break your banter, "So, like... do we call you mom, now?" The entire team looked at him as if he was asking the obvious. "What? I was just making sure."

"Come here," Emily hooked her arm around Spencer's neck, dragging him out of the office. "Don't worry, Mom. We'll set him straight." She kidded, leading the line of agents out of the office.

[wheneverfeasible]

Wiggly Wednesday?

The brain worms are here again.

I honestly hate Christmas and avoid doing too much for it. However, an idea came to me suddenly and I can’t stop thinking about…

Secret Santa Steddie AU.

In one of Steve’s high school classes senior year, they’re assigned a Secret Santa project. They all put their names in a Santa hat and have to draw one out (returning it for another if it’s their own) and that’s the person they have to secretly give a gift to, either homemade or purchased, but there’s a cap of like…whatever the equivalent of $20 today is back then. Idk.

This is supposed to be a team building type of exercise, something to foster camaraderie, after say maybe a huge argument/fight broke out between Tommy and his group and the Freak, Eddie Munson, as well as some other nerds. Steve is exhausted and doesn’t care for Tommy’s bullshittery anymore, so he didn’t really get involved, though Eddie did throw a few digs his way. Which was hurtful but probably deserved.

Anyways, Steve draws out Eddie’s name.

For the next week or so the last fifteen minutes of class are devoted to questionnaires and such where the students answer questions about themselves directly or they fill in answers to widely asked questions, all used to let the Secret Santas learn about their recipients. Some people take it more seriously than others.

Steve gets to know more about Eddie, who is more blasé about it all, obviously not expecting anyone to give him something good (if they give him anything at all) since he has no friends in the class and most people don’t like him. So Steve, who has never paid Eddie any amount of attention before in the past but has been now and finds himself intrigued, starts observing Eddie outside of class.

Steve knows he could buy Eddie something music related. An easy cop-out gift. But the more he observes Eddie, the more he gets to see the tiny cracks in the Freak persona whenever he spies on him, sees the nerdy but also kind person beneath the leather jacket. And…okay…maybe he starts to develop a sort of crush without realizing that’s what happens.

Maybe he bribes other nerds about Hellfire Club and Eddie and makes certain they don’t squeal about him asking (he doesn’t realize he comes off as threatening, he just thinks he’s being urging), maybe he hears Eddie mention things and then he goes and asks Dustin what they mean, learning it’s from a book series about midgets and some jewelry or whatever, and so an idea forms.

While shuttling the kids about after school, Steve asks Will if he’d be willing to draw something for him, which Steve would pay him for. Will, obviously excited because it’s his first commission job and Steve pays him fairly, agrees.

(Steve may also purchase a patch at the record store they stop at—Will’s request as he wants to buy something for Jonathan—because it reminds him of Eddie, but that doesn’t matter.)

Yadda yadda ya, it’s time to exchange gifts. The teacher has allowed them to drop them off leading up to the Friday before winter vacation to keep the mystery alive.

When Eddie gets his, he’s expecting something more like a prank gift. Instead, he’s gifted a colored drawing (sadly not enough time for a painting) of Eddie dressed as someone named something like Spider or Arrow Gone or whatever, Steve doesn’t really know, but it’s him fighting off a horde of monster things with a flaming eyeball in the background and further back is an erupting volcano.

Steve doesn’t know what the hell is going on, not really able to absorb the massive info dump Dustin gave him, but Will assured Steve that the dude was cool and the battle depicted was awesome and important when he dropped off his old yearbook for model reference. Will’s opinion was enough for Steve of course. He just hoped Eddie liked it, and the patch that he rolled up with the picture.

Eddie is, of course, gobsmacked and trying his hardest not to show it. He scans the classroom to try to figure out who could have given him such an amazing gift, but no one even looks at him. There’s no way he would ever suspect the truth.

Steve ended up getting a can of Farrah Fawcett spray, which everyone laughed at and assumed was a joke gift for a jock, but Steve noticed a small twitch of a smile on Tommy’s face, the only one besides Dustin now who knows his secret.

Later, Eddie’s battle vest is adorned with the patch he received in his gift, a red and black Leviathan cross, but Steve doesn’t know what happened to the drawing. He hopes it didn’t get trashed.

It’s not until later, after everything with Vecna and recovering what was salvageable from the trailer, that he found the picture safely secured behind a glass frame hidden in Eddie’s room. It’s only then that Steve realizes that he might have been a little bit in love with Eddie “the Freak” Munson all this time.

~

Aaaaaaaah sorry this is a little bit of a nebulous ending here. Does this story follow canon and Eddie is dead, never knowing who his Secret Santa is? Or is Eddie recovering from his injuries, fated to recognize Will’s art style and thus learning the truth behind one of his most prized possessions? Who’s to say 🤷

I’m just gonna tag my perma list because I’m lazy. Anyone can be happy to consider this a tag for their own future brain worms tho!

Hostage Hotties:

@derythcorvinus @katyawriteswhump @honeii-puff @scoops-aboy86 @dotdot-wierdlife

@everywherenothere @bumblebeecuttlefishes

[openphrase123]

random 9pm bonding earring headcanons:

you take out one earring and leave it blank if you're widowed/not seeking a partner at all (someone tell mirabelle about this)

if you're bonded but you're open to more partners you just put a blank set of studs in another piercing to signal that you're not monogamous/exclusive and so that people don't feel like they're overstepping by flirting with you

people exchanging bonding earrings at the same is considered the vaugardian equivalent of an unrealistic hallmark trope - most partnerships are like "one person makes an earring and gives it to their partner(s) and THEN the other ones are made"

related to the last point, it's common to just go ahead and start wearing your one bonding earring and putting in a random earring set as the second exchanged set while the other partner(s) finish their earrings

it's considered gauche to wear revoked bonding earrings as a matching set BUT. it's not like the general public knows what someone's revoked earring looks like. which is why people do it at parties where they know their ex is going to be there. petty drama

if you're intending to bond with someone from outside of vaugarde who doesn't have their ears pierced, you are meant to wait until your partner voluntarily pierces their ears before you start making a bonding earring

if your partner does not have one or both of their ears, or cannot pierce them for a medical or personal reason, you can clip the earrings to the collar of your shirt or on a belt on your hip

while you CAN go buy a bonding earring for your beloved it's considered gaudy if you do this. if you are partnered with a jeweler people might think your partner is gross at first glance if they make too good of an earring for you

bonding "ceremonies" are mostly for rich people wanting to show off or people from mixed cultures who have some weird thing called "weddings" where they're from. it's more common to just exchange, have a private dinner with friends and family, and move on

[mrsshabana]

𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄!𝐆𝐘𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎 ⛧ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄

꒦꒷‧₊ Summary After the wedding ceremony you wake up in bed with Gyutaro. He just couldn't wait and had to take you to your bedroom immediately. Consummating the marriage is just as important as the ceremony itself. And just as dangerous too. Even though he's a deadly vampire, you'll have to trust him to control himself when you're so vulnerable. ꒦꒷‧₊ Content Gyutaro x female!reader, 18+ MDNI, vaginal sex, creampie, bondage, biting, blood, violence, arranged marriage ꒦꒷‧₊ Note 1.7k words

༺ Art ༻

⇢ Chapter one ⇢ Chapter two ⇢ Kinktober Masterlist

You wake up to the feeling of lips pressed against your neck, trailing down to your chest as slender hands roam your curves. 

“Oh, you're already waking up,” Gyutaro hums, “I must apologize for taking you to our quarters so quickly… I didn't want to wait any longer.”

“A-Any longer for what?” you mumble.

“To consummate our union,” he smirks, “It's just as important as the ceremony itself."

And that's when you realize that you're nude, lying on a large bed decorated with lavish pillows. Not only that but your wrists are tied behind your back. 

Your face heats up as you feel his hands delicately gliding along your naked skin, you try to speak but you’re too flustered to do so. Your words seem to get stuck in your throat.

“You worry so much, my love,” Gyutaro smiles and brushes a strand of hair away from your face, “This is only customary practice. Its purpose is to symbolize your complete trust in me even though I’m a vampire… however, if you don’t like it I won’t force you to continue.”

Normally a prince would never make such accommodations, even for his bride. But Gyutaro is willing to be lenient with you especially since he does genuinely care about you. 

“N-No it’s ok,” you blush. “I don’t mind it…”

“Oh? So you like it do you?” he smirks and leans in to kiss your neck, “I had a feeling you would. You may be a human but you’re just as twisted as I am. That’s one of the things that drew me to you, you know?”

You moan softly, and whisper, “I never thought that you would have chosen me… I still can’t believe it’s true.”

“Do you want to know the truth, Y/N?”

“Yes, I do,” you nod, trying to pay attention even though he’s still touching and kissing you.

“At first I only wanted to marry you for your blood,” he sighs, “You smelt so delicious, unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my life. I knew you would taste divine.”

He kisses down your chest before continuing, “But there’s an old tale, that when a vampire meets their true love, their blood will smell divine and irresistible to them. And that’s why most vampire love stories end in tragedy. I don’t know if it’s true of course, it could just be a silly tale. But I like to think that maybe it is true.”

“If it is, do you think we will end in tragedy…?”

“Let’s test my limits and find out,” he leans in, his lips brushing against yours, “See if I can resist killing you.”

His lips crash into yours, taking your breath away. His tongue slides past your lips as you realize this is the first time you’ve kissed him. Even at the wedding ceremony, you didn’t kiss. Perhaps the blood exchange is equivalent to a kiss for vampires. 

You have so many questions you want to ask him. About vampires, about his past, his family legacy, and even what your new life will be like here with him. But you can ask those later, all that matters right now is enjoying this moment with your husband. 

“This will be your first time, right?” Gyutaro says as he pulls away from the kiss and starts unbuttoning his coat.

“What?! Is it that obvious?”

“It is, but don’t worry. It will be my first time as well.”

“R-Really?”

“Why do you seem so surprised?” he fully removes his coat and begins to unbutton his pants.

“W-Well um,” you look away out of embarrassment, “I assumed you would have many lovers at your disposal.”

“What a silly assumption!” he laughs, “I suppose maybe if I was a human. But we don’t freely engage in such things.”

You can see from the corner of your eye that he’s fully removed all of his clothes, but you don’t look at him. Even though you’re nude as well, you feel like you wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him like that. It’d be far too beautiful to look at. 

He wastes no time aligning his hips between your legs, his body weighing down on top of you. Even though you didn’t look, feeling his body makes you just as nervous. Especially feeling how hard he is. 

He rocks his hips against your core, lathering your slick on his length so he can easily enter you once you’re ready. He takes his time working you up, though it doesn’t really matter because you were ready for him long ago. 

But even so, he still kisses your body, gently caresses your breasts, and lightly bites your skin. 

You can’t tell if he’s stalling because he’s nervous or if he genuinely is worried he might go too far and hurt you. 

“Gyutaro, I’m ready. If you are,” you say as you look into his eyes. 

He smiles, his fangs glistening in the moonlight, “I promise I’ll be gentle.” He kisses you one last time before reaching between the two of your bodies to position himself properly. 

Feeling nervous, his hands shake as he slides into you. But he’s quickly overcome with pleasure and almost loses himself. His eyes widen and he bites his lip until it bleeds, trying to control himself as the feeling of being inside of you makes him feel feral. 

“Y-You feel ngh, really good, Y/N,” he pants, “I-I didn’t expect it to be like this. I’m sorry if… if I can’t control myself.”

He can’t help but start thrusting. You can tell he’s trying to stop himself from going too hard, but it feels so good that he just can’t stop. The pleasure of your tight cunt is enough to distract him from the urge to bite you, for now.

You moan and arch your back as his pace quickens. His flawless body pressed tightly against yours, he reaches behind you and expertly unties your wrists with one hand. 

“We won’t need these anymore,” he grunts, “I know you trust me, Y/N. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be letting me do this to you.”

As soon as he unbinds you, you wrap your arms around him and hold on tightly, “I-I do trust you. I would let you  do anything to me, Gyutaro.”

Pleased by your answer, he takes your wrists in his hand and holds them above your head. Pounding into you harder, eliciting moans and screams of ecstasy to leave your lips. Surely your moans echo through the halls of the castle. But even though his servants hear you, they don’t dare to disrupt. 

“Let me do anything to you, huh?” He whispers as he leans into your neck, his breath hitting your skin with each gasp that he takes. His fangs hovering over your neck, the same spot where he bit you during the ceremony. 

He revels in the smell of your fear, it excites him. But it excites you too. Being so close and intimate with a creature that is commonly akin to a monster. It makes your heart race, the thrill of letting someone so dangerous and forbidden take everything from you. It’s even more romantic because he doesn’t take advantage of the fact that you trust him so much. 

Gyutaro does genuinely love you. He vowed to protect you and be by your side for eternity and he meant it. 

He bares his fangs, pressing them against your skin as if asking for permission. You don’t hesitate to tilt your head, giving him more room to bite you. An unspoken consent, but he understands completely. 

His groans become almost animalistic as he sinks his teeth into your flesh. Savoring the taste of your blood as it hits his tongue. 

“Mmph, Y/N,” he moans, “You taste divine. I don’t know how I’ll resist indulging in your every day...”

“Y-You don’t have to resist, because I’m yours,” you kiss him hard, disregarding his blood covered lips. 

Never in his life has he felt so loved and accepted. You haven’t even known him for long, you aren’t acquainted with his culture, and on top of it all he’s a vampire. Yet you still love him and accept him completely with no questions asked. He really couldn’t have asked for a better wife. 

“I’m so lucky,” he moans, holding you tightly, “I’m so fucking lucky.” His thrusts become more erratic and he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, feeling so overwhelmed by emotion that he might just cry. 

You try to respond, try to tell him that you’re the lucky one. But with how furiously he’s pounding into you, you can’t form any words. Just incoherent moans and wails.

It’s not long before he’s spilling inside of you. You can feel the warmth of his seed filling you up, but he still doesn’t stop his movements. He feels so sensitive that it almost hurts but he doesn’t care. You gave up so much for him that this is the least he can do. Powering through the oversensitivity to make sure that you finish too. 

Sweat drips down his temples as his long hair sticks to his skin. The beautiful, pleasured yet exhausted look on his pretty face is enough to bring you to climax. That and the way his cock rams into you, pushing his seed deeper and deeper as some of it stains the bed sheets. 

He has a wide grin on his face as he feels your body tremble beneath him. Gliding his tongue along your neck where he previously bit you as he finally stops thrusting and savors the feeling of you, so weak and vulnerable. He wishes he could just hold you close like this forever. 

“I never understood why humans were so obsessed with sex,” he whispers into your ear, “But now I understand. I can only describe that as magical.”

“I-I loved it too,” you pant, “But I know it was only so perfect because it was with you.”

He smiles and grabs something from the pocket of his discarded pants. Then taking your hand, he slips a beautiful gold ring onto your finger. 

“A ring?” you say, “Were we not supposed to exchange rings during the ceremony?”

He shakes his head, “No, my dear. Here we exchange rings after consummating the marriage,” he kisses you before continuing, “That’s how sacred this act is, between a human and a vampire.”

[darlingofdots]

Something I encounter more and more in fiction is a specific brand of assurance to the reader that I can only ascribe to The Twitter Cop That Lives In Our Heads. There's a pervasive desire to make it clear that, see, I'm intersectional, I'm conscious of the potential problematics of this encounter, I'm one of the good ones, and it's not that I don't understand the impulse and the fear of being called out because I do! It's scary out there! But it is often so grating to be reading a novel and have a conversation be derailed by a brief and pointed exchange about accessibility when not a single character in the book is disabled, or to have a heated makeout sesh interrupted by an explanation of the traffic light system, and the sad thing about this is that it would be absolutely possible to show these things in elegant and unobtrusive ways but for various reasons we are resorting to telling instead.

I know that out here in the world, we talk about enthusiastic and informed consent a lot, and those are very important conversations and this topic should be part of comprehensive and widely accessible sex education everywhere, and if you are entering into a relationship with a new partner, you should probably sit down and lay out explicitly what you are both comfortable with and how you prefer to communicate. HOWEVER. I, the reader of a high-heat contemporary romance novel, do not need to have this discussion with the characters who are about to fuck each other blind after their first date. I do not need to sit in on the equivalent to a new employee's onboarding process where they get told how to use the company intranet. It's boring! It's so dull! Instead, how about we package the information that is actually being transmitted (we are two enthusiastic partners about to fuck each other blind and we are also sensible people who respect each other's preferences and boundaries) in a way that doesn't disrupt the narrative momentum? Maybe interject an "is this okay?" or have one character go "tell me what you want" all sexily. Reference the characters taking note of their partner's reactions. There are a lot of ways to work this kind of Statement of Ethics into your writing, whether it's about sex scenes or trans rights or whatever, and personally I find this much more compelling than a neatly-injected soundbite which always comes off as either overly anxious or performative to me.

A secondary issue here, in my opinion, is that the world (specifically social media, but social media is part of the world) increasingly demands explicit statements from artists and uses an absence of "I wholeheartedly condemn x"-type quotes as an indication that someone actively endorses x, because why wouldn't they say so otherwise? This is bad. It's a bad development. It's a really gross combination of the literacy crisis and callout culture and it gets people hurt. So I really do not and cannot blame writers who feel the need to be very explicit about what they believe in, which is why I am not suggesting that you shouldn't include those beliefs in your work; what I am saying, though, is that your work will be much more authentic and touching if you find ways to show me.

[amyoffline]

It's done! The outline for—

—is below the cut. The goal of this project is to explore the following phenomena with as much context and nuance as I can manage, tracing our history over the past 15 years:

What about us, and what about Dan and Phil, drew in and continues to draw in a very specific audience. If they are a ranch metaphor, we are a pizza metaphor 🥗🍕🫶🏻

Why we were Like That™, by which I mean so parasocially invested in them that we became, at times, the most annoying people on the internet. Much of that reputation is undeserved, and the videos on the phandom to date have been strongly negative. So, uh, I guess I'm going to put my face on camera and (mostly) defend us.

Reblog, share in your Discord servers, reply, or send me messages/anon asks with feedback or resources if you have any! Especially if your experience being in this fandom community has been dramatically different from mine. There are TIT spoilers near the end of the outline, but I'm not tagging because certain individuals seem to be lurking over there. Thank you!

Chapters:

Full outline:

introduction

cold open

felt personally attacked by jonathan haidt's last press tour

showed up to the phrenaissance 11 months late

had an unexpectedly strong response to their new content, needed to find out why

what the hell are we doing here?

- phenomenology (academics are professionally insufferable) - research question 1: what drew the audience in? - research question 2: why were we Like That™?

what we're NOT doing here

- a strict content analysis or "wow we sucked" video - providing sources for things best left uncirculated, thank you

reflexivity (personal biases)

- american zillennial in public health - in the youtube audience by spring 2010 - lurking in the phandom on tumblr 2013-2015, back* since 2019 - fan behavior i did and did not engage in

(----): truly necessary background information, i swear

(pop) cultural trends, tech, and their intersection

- nerd/geek identity and the first online weirdos - broadcast tv & the music industry vs the internet - defining "emo" - blogging & vlogging - early internet comedy

broader social/economic trends

- so the U.S. economy collapsed in 2007 - a decade that sucked except for rom-coms and square enix games - the flip/slide phone + digital camera + mp3 player loadout

(05-8): early youtube and early phil

youtube: a great video uploader without a clear purpose

the content on the website

- crossposts, corporations, and creative/social outlets - omg guys it's amazing phil - contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: justin bieber

the audience of "early adopters"

contemporary social media sites and forums

(2009): origin story

a wild dan appears… in the comments

the global constant that is teenagers being messy online

daring my old school district to sue me

- "one town's war on gay teens" (literal rolling stone headline!) - epidemiology 101: rates of… ugh… "unaliving" oneself - ways kids cope when it seems no adults will help them

the earliest days of dan & phil

- hello internet + pinof - a chronically overexamined timeline - file deleted ---* so how big WAS the audience at the time? ---* acceptable funny/edgy language was just different

contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: lucas cruikshank

omg it's meeeeeee

- how amy & friends were using youtube - ways i was just destined to end up here - being in social environments with peers 3-6 years older

(2010): is it "twenty-ten" or "two thousand ten?"

youtube is a platform about to explode in popularity

- the algorithm before it was The Algorithm™, lost site features - let's take a trip through the wayback machine :3c - actual dan & phil content in 2010 - the green brothers found vidcon - contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: darren criss

social media: also about to explode in popularity

- facebook was cool at the time, believe it or not - law of equivalent exchange: 2010 amy cringe compilation - the birth of instagram and pinterest - youtube slash livejournal (the first phanfics… sort of) - shockfic and its place in the overton window

the beginning of "the great rewiring" as haidt calls it

- ways social media is about to dramatically change - third spaces become online spaces - confounding variable: changing expectations of teens

(2011): the end of an era, the start of an age

a very long tangent on fandom and pop culture

cultural exchange

counterculture and teenagers as concepts

the first british invasion: the 1960s

- beatlemania and its descendents - moral panic about the virtue of tween/teen girls - tv/film/fashion trends being imported from the uk - in parallel, star trek births the modern fandom

the second british invasion: the 1980s

- synth/new pop that came out of the punk movement (hi, emo?) - confined mainly to music and fashion - cool britannia

it's harry freakin' potter

- absolute titan of pop culture influence - the rise of online fandom: examining the horrors ---* what is "wank" ---* flaming, sockpuppeting, and general cyberbullying ---* censorship: ffnet purges, boldthrough, & strikethrough ---* other fandom shenanigans of the time (yaoi paddles, anyone?)

harry potter's over. now what?

- for those who needed coming-of-age hero's journeys ---* twilight and YA dystopia waiting in the wings ---* some pretty iconic tv shows start or hit their stride ---* the mcu's phase one ---* takeaway: the rise of "geek culture" generally - for those who just wanted to go to hogwarts ---* doctor who & the wider world of bbc programming ---* british vloggers, you say? where? on youtube? brb--

end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming

dan & phil in the first half of 2011

- a continuation of 2010… for now - the videos - british pancakes as a case study of bad fan behavior

streaming and social media

- the birth of snapchat, twitch, and younow - netflix starts developing original programming - multi-channel networks (mcns) - digitour

dan & phil in the second half of 2011

- and they were roommates (omg they were roommates) - fantastic foursome - youtube glitches out - the super amazing project - the first proper baking video + wait, is that the bbc?

~ baking interlude 1: christmas cookies ~

the family sugar cookie (sorry, delia)

amy's 2011

(2012): why is anyone nostalgic for this

the transition from desktop to mobile

- massive growth in smartphone ownership 2011-2015 - things one might do on mobile one might not do on desktop - non-online ways smartphones changed being a youth™

what is tumblr and why is my child using it

- how the site is meant to work - fandom, memes, aesthetics, and SOME public figures - want to be anxious and depressed in peace? come to tumblr - this site seems a little……… gay ---* tumblr's very queer, very neurodiverse userbase ---* legacy media representation in 2012: bad! ---* actual academic research on tumblr users (yes, it exists) - the tumblr experience for non-native english speakers

amy becomes a vibrating mass of panic and paranoia

- in context of the above - additional rant about the american public school system

the growing dan & phil audience

- investigating the origin of the term "phannie" - more collaborations = more viewers - more video uploads = more /invested/ viewers - younow and interacting with fans - watch time replaces clicks in the algorithm

online etiquette, or lack thereof

- mid-transition from the 2000s to the 2010s - "professional internet celebrity" is still basically brand-new - lack of boundaries - various ways to be an asshole online - unsupervised kids simply do not engage in best practices

the end of 2012

- dan and phil move to london - wikipedia vandalism - tiptoeing around a top contender for the phandom's greatest sin - super amazing project DONE, now it's BBC RADIO TIME

(2013): arguably the most important year

- wait. what's that six-second video platform over there--

[amy's curated vine compilation]

- a new wave of internet comedians (read: future youtubers) - the zillennial lexicon - other platforms start emphasizing short-form video content - magcon

emo is BACK - well, sort of

- fob hiatus ends, mcr breaks up. my god. you had to be there - more open ties to nerd/geek culture than in the 2000s - these things once again intersect at dan and phil

dan and phil in the first half of 2013

- siri, what's a "sex symbol?" why are you booing me i'm right-- - d&p are everywhere - radio shows, interviewing, hosting - youtube uploads on their individual channels

rapidly changing cultural attitudes towards queerness

- gay marriage will be legal in places other than canada soon - a lot of assimilationist rhetoric though tbh - parallels to the pop feminism of the decade

hey kids, let's talk about compulsory heterosexuality!!

- what is it and why do people do it - academic, tumblr-level, and anecdotal research - the dannies, the phillies, and the phannies

amy

- the closet™ - mental health stigma - 2013 dnp posts from my main blog

dan and phil in the second half of 2013

- subscriber milestones, vidcon - joint content before the gaming channel - phandom starts having a major presence outside tumblr

(2014): achievement unlocked!

it's time to talk about rpf

- definitions (a chance to be annoyingly pedantic) - academic perspectives and fan discourse on the ethics - when the subjects clearly aren't fine with it - so… we can acknowledge "shipping phan" was different, right? ---* sometimes the subjects are fine* with it, actually ---* how dan and phil started to handle the shipping ---* obvious differences between phan and other rpf ships ---* sharing my favorite passages as a first-time phanfic reader

dan and phil in 2014

- wikipedia vandalism 2: electric boogaloo - bbc request show → internet takeover - the 7 second challenge - youtube content, subscriber milestones, rewind - cons and award shows

tumblr reaches the peak of its influence

- yahoo's attempts to monetize the userbase - buzzfeed and aggregators steal our jokes and bait our clicks - legacy media dangles carrots and uses us for free marketing - the legend of korra breaks TV precedent, almost out of nowhere - the tumblr user experience ---* on mobile, without xkit ---* on desktop, with xkit ---* 2014 dnp posts from my main blog

gamergate and its long shadow

- trolling, renewed and revamped - algorithms push increasingly extreme content - the broad conservative backlash conglomerate - increased normalization of conspiracism in general

my greatest sin [not clickbait] [very funny]

- so, circling back to comphet… - the actual story

anyway, let's talk about danandphilgames

- a star is born: dil howlter - different types of gaming content on youtube at the time - why did 17yo amy not subscribe? well…

~ baking interlude 2: chocolate cupcakes ~

make your own frosting. it freezes well

roasting myself further

(2015): it's not queerbaiting when it's real people

facebook "pivots to video"

- mark zuckerberg lied. water is wet - causes other platforms to REALLY double down on video - the birth of musical.ly - corporate-branded creators (read: future youtubers)

queerbaiting enters mainstream public consciousness

- academic origins - early fannish and acafan writing - johnlock, destiel, and sterek - statistics 101: type i error, type ii error, and queerbait

dan, phil, and the phandom

- bbc, cons, & the brits - danandphilcrafts - phan conspiracies ---* japhan ---* body language experts ---* timeline truthers ---* floor plan investigators ---* no but seriously imagine it - regular youtube uploads ---* solo content ---* joint content ---* subscriber milestones, rewind - tatinof uk and tabinof ---* on "selling out" ---* revisiting the statistics 101 lesson: now with real people! ---* never meet your heroes (unless they're dan and phil)

amy's (temporary) exit from the phandom

- it's legal adulthood with a steel chair!! - growing discomfort with some fans' behavior - 2015 dnp posts from my main blog - the closer: final fantasy vii

(2016): season finale

vine's imminent demise

- content platforms behaving badly - content creators behaving badly

youtube after "the great rewiring" (as haidt calls it)

- version 1.0 of the modern youtube algorithm ---* deep neural networks for dummies ---* what's holding creators accountable, or not - advertising and sponsorships ---* basically every child and youth™ is watching now ---* the battle for our attention ---* regulators start to crack down on undisclosed ads - the rise of drama/tea content (and later, channels) ---* youtubers are now seen as regular celebrities ---* dan and phil as the butt of other youtubers' jokes ---* baiting the phandom for engagement

tatinof us and aus

- a proven new model for live show tours - show & documentary released to youtube red (now premium) - [sigh] the tour bus

sea change in online fandom

- the newer, sometimes queerer media in korra's wake ---* better and more representation in live-action tv shows ---* voltron (i'm sorry!!!) ---* the mystic messenger craze ---* alice oseman & heartstopper - the new dynamics of #discourse ---* proship is to anti as phannie is to phanti ---* the bad behaviors of the 00s get a new coat of paint ---* new, though: fans harassing creators ---* a personal note on ace discourse

dan and phil presence off-tour

- the internet takeover ends - regular content, subscriber milestones

so. uh. current events.

- brexit - sorry the united states is a font of chaos - ripple effects

closing out the year

- amy finally gets an anxiety diagnosis and treatment! hurray! - dapgo, rewind - bbc radio awards & the boncas - gamingmas

(2017): time for a rebrand

tangent - sit down!!! buckle up!!! today's lecture is on PSIs & PSRs!!!

"parasocial" as defined by the current zeitgeist

- summing up youtubers' and laypeople's opinions (not dan's) - an unfairly negative stance overall, imo

older academic literature

- the 1956 paper (yes, 1956) - with traditional celebrities - with fictional characters

current academic literature

- with youtubers and other content creators - positive effects on the audience - negative effects on the audience - broader societal implications

fandom spaces as a parasocial experience

- parasocial and truly social interactions with each other - phandom as a supportive, welcoming space for oddballs - what research i can find about neurospicy folks, + anecdotes - me and everyone else on planet earth move to discord

inherent transactionality

- the nature of celebrity - positive effects on creators - negative effects on creators

reexamining early phandom through a parasocial lens

- the good, the bad, and the ugly - the role audience demographics played in all of this - entering, exiting, and remaining in the phandom

end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming

vine is well and truly dead

- some had prepared to become primarily youtubers (smart) - some move to musical.ly, insta, facebook, or snap (less so)

the sun sets on danisnotonfire

- i am very normal about dan's hobbit hair, i swear. - the last dnp content before the rebrand - new apartment, new floor plan investigations

adpocalypse now

- youtube has become the village elder of platforms ---* increased scrutiny, increased responsibility ---* some youtubers had been getting away with !#$!#@% - the scandals ---* pewdiepie + logan paul ---* elsagate and being "family- friendly" (read: ad-friendly) - censorship and monetization ---* adsense revenue goes down as advertisers pull out ---* the glory days of posting whatever and making bank are over

amazingphil and ~daniel howell~

- youtube & younow content - that week in march - vacations and conventions - conjoined baking and the concept of a "soft launch" - daniel & depression → dan as a mental health advocate - truth bombs, ii announcement, rewind

(2018): the phandom vs the hiatus they told us not to worry about

interactive introverts

- "giving the people what they want" - in hindsight… - let's talk about dnp fans from the global south

youtuber burnout

- it wasn't just dan: (more examples than header fits) - the old model was simply not sustainable - newer contributing factors - research on burnout, plus personal anecdotal experience

other dan and phil content

- younow/rize lives - dan's last videos before… you know… - phil's solo content in 2018 (quiff!!) - pinof → wdapteo - the gaming channel

other stuff happening online and in the world

- youtube raises the barriers to monetization - many "pivot to video" creators are now independent - the modern youtuber's multiple streams of income - continuations of societal trends in 2016 - musical.ly becomes tiktok - notable: she-ra and the princesses of power

the hiatus™: part myth, part reality

- how long dan was actually offline - major confounder: tumblr implodes almost overnight - major confounder: perception of content density from '13-'16 - major confounder: rapidly maturing audience - major confounder: our temporal awareness is about to go way ↓↓

~ baking interlude 3: scotcheroos ~

minnesotans and their obsession with "bars"

amy has one last existential crisis (you know, to date)

(2019): demolishing the closet with a nail bat

phil videos in the first 5 months of this very important year

basically i'm gay

- my thoughts - its legacy in the canon of "coming out" stories - multiple things can be true at once

coming out to you

- my thoughts - its legacy in the canon of "coming out" stories - why phil waited (actual explanations, speculation)

amy's 2019

- return to the audience, not really to the phandom (rip tumblr) - strange coincidence that i also had a major life transition

dan and phil: still here, freshly queer

- twitter becomes the main nexus of phandom, by default - regular phil uploads + brief return to younow - vidcon

(2020): go home and stay there

so it's a goddamn global public health crisis

- infectious disease perspective - effects on overall well-being of adults - effects on kids and teenagers (sorry to all of you) - political and economic impacts

hitherto unforeseen levels of online content consumption

- tiktok replaces basically all short-form video content - yet another wave of new (otherwise unemployed) youtubers - you're watching a video essay. these got really popular now. - being young and isolated: thoughts from younger phannies

the Content™ bc that's the one word we use for this now

- phil's videos - when dan is around - that attitude magazine interview - pour one out for the phil solo project(s) the panini wrecked

further political disaster… avoided?

- checking in on the state of social issues previously discussed - unfortunately,

(2021): welcome to the 2020s, we have lingering trauma

THE PHOUSE?!?!?

- social media posts - the stereo shows

other dan and phil videos

- phil's solo videos - gay and not proud - hometown showdown - other joint videos - phil's #shorts (sounds normal in american english)

panini updates

- vaccines soon, uwu??? + entrenched misinformation - pros and cons of remote work - pros and cons of remote school - pros and cons of remote socializing

you will get through this night

- younger me really could have used this book too, dan - thoughts as a professional in a related field - reflecting on some of my more unique circumstances

daring my old school district to sue me (again!!)

- updates: racism and transphobia - updates: right-wing freaks take over the school board again - residents vote against improving mental health resources

(2022): dan returns (still not on fire)

hey so politics are um getting worse

- americans lose the right to reproductive freedom ---* the quickest of histories on where these freaks came from ---* this shit kills people. - trans kids become the punching bag of culture war discourse ---* fuck off! (gently) ---* fuck off! (i have a knife) ---* checking in on terf island

we're all doooooooooooooooomed

- dystopia daily my beloved - the style, the substance, the metatextual analysis-- - not everyone loved it, though. why? - the promo - dan on tour + sister daniel

amy's 2022

- i got covid - then i got long covid: brain fog, pots-like symptoms

some more news (i will work on my warmbo impression)

- dan joins tiktok + danisnotinteresting uploads - phil: uploading less, busy doing remote crisis management - twitter is acquired by an idiot jackass - heartstopper on netflix! ---* the show and what it means to people ---* drama (revisiting "real people can't queerbait") ---* why this has anything to do with the phandom

~ baking interlude 4: cinnamon rolls ~

- lovingly, recipe changes and corrections :) - if i have an opinion about anything, it's sweet yeasted breads

(2023): the phrenaissance

phil

- joins tiktok! - youtube uploads through september - what even is phannie tiktok. i've never used this app. help.

dystopia daily b-sides

- dan memes of 2022 - the 2023 dystopia daily episodes

amy: the doctoral candidacy process

- purgatory, privilege, poverty, and free pizza - checking in on what this is like outside the united states

pretending the panini is over

- complaining about post-adpocalypse censorship standards - honest take about "giving up" on covid - who gets the short end of the stick

the youtube algorithm is BAD and UNINTELLIGENT, actually,

- unhinged rant about not hearing about the gaming rephrival - because i was offline from other platforms. like, @amyoffline.

pov: you are a phannie (not me) on october 15th

- what i was doing on october 15th - saying goodbye forever, spooky week, and november - gamingmas - phil uploads through december

(2024): fifteen years of terrible, terrible influence

hey what the fuck is going on

- dan and phil ---* joint and phil videos ---* jokes they never would've made ten years ago ---* a collection of emotional posts about how far they've come ---* people want fun and silly content again. we'll get to why ---* nostalgia, hope, and other warm and fuzzy feelings - the phandom ---* ancient parasocial attachments, reactivated instantly ---* people are way more normal now. let's discuss why ---* tumblr vs twitter vs tiktok phandom

we're all doomed, youtube version

- my thoughts - thoughts on "dan should/shouldn't" do video essays - i can't objectively evaluate anything he makes bc [gunshots]

terrible influence tour

- legally phlonde - the concept: healing one's inner child / taking it back - we gotta talk about phannies in the global south again - no but seriously imagine it? ---*ogres are like onions, they have LAYERS ---* [placeholder for whatever does(n't) happen]

anglosphere current events once again

- the likely us tiktok ban - the tories get fired - [placeholder for whichever hell americans manifest] - witnessing genocide and feeling powerless

ffx full-circle moment to the intro of this video essay

- the night i found out they came back - why i am doing this, now with context - reflections on a nearly 15-year (parasocial) relationship

whatever youtube uploads we get during fall/december

AMY SEES TIT (nov 14)

- the vibes at the phamily reunion - buying merch to apologize for eternal ublock origin use - how much should i document?? (not during the show) - phanspiracies confirmed - atlanta confessions - favorite bits - the alternate universe where i went to tatinof and/or ii

(2025): the horrors persist, but so do we

whatever 2025 content is out while i'm still working on this

our parasocial social club

- let me be philosophytube for a second ---* every interaction has a parasocial element ---* what are we obligated to do as a phandom, actually? ---* as people who parasocially care about these two dorks? ---* what else should we be doing socially to be at our happiest? - "they're my gay uncles" vs "i'm a little in love, even now" ---* riffing about the boundary/overlap between these camps ---* sibling reads me for filth in a single text (sister daniel...) ---* at least we're all in this together

what's going to continue to draw people in

- grown adults drawing our cat whiskers back on - updates on queer/nd kids - updates on anxiety/depression rates - updates on tech and the broader environment of content - world still feels doomed

tangent - the "hard launch" and why people want it

what are people referring to, exactly

- general definition and other examples - when it comes to dan and phil - maybe they hard launched already and we just missed the memo

the ludonarrative of phandom

- if you got here early on - if you got here in the mid-2010s - if you got here after they came out - if you got here post-hiatus - final fantasy comparison: ffvii's chokehold over first-timers

a rom-com for the ages

- the tropes in play - brief tangent on the evolution of the genre - queer romantic comedies - final fantasy comparison: ffviii's plot and squall/rinoa

phriends… or…

- wholesome influence, slice-of-life - projection - final fantasy comparison: ffxv's gameplay loop, the chocobros

humans don't like ambiguity

- from a media perspective (narrative tension) - research from the hard sciences - final fantasy comparison: fanille ---* the first gay final fantasy characters, actually ---* ffxiii's character development process ---* fang and vanille in the text. brb, clawing at the walls ---* so, if anyone is looking for a phyuri au prompt…

tl;dr: reality is not fiction. make peace with not "knowing"

end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming

the phuture

- phil's big solo project when??? - dapg is just the joint channel now - youtube has changed since when dan last "regularly" uploaded - nothing lasts forever, and that's okay

~ baking interlude 5: ranch + pizza ~

- ranch propaganda and ranch metaphors - showing off my dough and sauce skills

conclusions

- a lot has happened in 15 years - [placeholders: don't write your conclusions before you do your research]

Proof this project can only be done in consultation with Tumblr: no other platform we're on could accommodate a post of this length and formatting detail lol