#first book i'm abandoning this year i cant take it

[schalotte]

ok ich gebe auf goodbye evan tepest u have tortured me enough

[emma-heart-art]

This is Chimera Country, something I've been working on for the past year. This was originally my final project to get my BFA in animation, but now that I have graduated I'm wondering if I can make this into something more.

More info about it under the cut, but TLDR; Chimera Country is a pitch for a video game about making friends with chimeras and using a "mount system" to deepen exploration and combat.

STORY:

In Chimera Country, you play as a feral child named "the wildling." She has spent her whole life away from humanity and has thusly learned to bond with nature in ways that most people cant. One day, the wildling comes across an abandoned farm who's owner has, for unknown reasons, turned into a flying talking book. With nothing better to do, the wildling teams up with this book and begins to rebuild the farm. With the book's knowledge of building, and the wildling's ability to bond with wildlife, they set off to find answers. Why did the farmer turn into a book? Why do some chimeras have cybernetic implants? Why are there chimeras here in the first place? All these questions have answers, though they may be hard for our protagonists to swallow.

GAMEPLAY:

I have previously described this as a "top-down metroidvania," but a better comparison would be basically a top-down zelda game with resource gathering components and deeper combat. I'm a sucker for games with an in-depth combat system, so I would love to have crazy stuff like frame perfect dodges, parries, counter attacks, and maybe even a few upgrades to your weaponry. This will not be a procedurally generated world, as I already have mapped out the general geography of this "country." I'm taking inspiration from Subnautica's map in the way its designed for exploration and resource gathering, having different biomes with different fauna and flora thought out in detail. I would also like to add puzzle/ parkour areas that can only be accessed using the mount system. And speaking of the mount system...

MOUNT SYSTEM:

This is the lifeblood of Chimera Country. Everything from the combat to the map layout will be designed around this system. As of right now, there are only five mounts that are in development. They are as follows:

LISA

An elderly Shetland pony who hasn't let her age get to her. She is the only creature in this game that is not a chimera, as she worked on the farm as a work horse during her prime.

Lisa is the first mount obtained in game, being given to the player right after the intro. Her main abilities are running at high speeds and jumping over obstacles. Very basic stuff.

She's also named after and inspired by my mom!

CAMILLE

A mix of a peacock and an emu. She is troubled with horrible anxiety, the type of creature jump at every small sound around her.

Her gimmick is that she can run around at road-runner levels of speed, but she is unable to be controlled by the player in that state. She can crash through fragile objects and give the player access to previously hidden away areas.

My fav of the mounts tbh

JOHN

Not actually a turtle, but a living, moving coral reef that has simply taken the shape of a turtle. They can be found in a above-water coral reef biome that fits they're aesthetic.

They're main ability is that they can bite through almost any material. Weather you need to gather stone for a build or if you need to break into a cave, John has got you covered!

They're a little slow though, so please be patient with them.

JAMES

A mix of a moose and a mountain goat.

His legs have begun to fail him in his old age, but luckily he has been equipped with cybernetic legs that let him jump higher than any other of his species.

His main use is to traverse the mountains located in the northern most region of the map, but if you backtrack you may find some other areas he can help out in!

Named and designed after my dad!

APPLE

Apple's segment had to be cut out for time, but she is still vital to the Chimera Country experience. She is a mix of a barn owl and a bat, and is a rare variant of the "owl-bat" enemies that are common in the game world.

Despite being last on this list, she is actually the second mount the player will obtain. Her main ability is her flight, witch can be used as a form of fast travel.

As said before, these are the only mounts in development right now. I doubt there will be more added to the game, thought. You will not be able to tame every chimera you see. I want to preface this now because I would rather have a highly polished experience with only a few mounts than have another "collect them all" type of game. Chimera Country will have some collection elements to it, but that will be limited to the bestiary.

I also want to mention that this is very much so a work in progress. All the abilities I have mentioned above are strictly for exploration. I'm planning on adding the mounts into the combat system, I just simply need to do some experimentation to see what works and what doesn't.

WHATS NEXT:

I've said before that this was my final project for art school, so as of right now everything is simply animation. The pixel art sequences were made in a program called Asperite and were sewn together in adobe aftereffects. There is no build of the game as of right now. However, I do know enough about the unity engine to confidently say I can make everything seen here a reality. Other than that, all of my development plans are up in the air. I just graduated, so right now my biggest concern is to just get a survival job so I can stand on my own two feet. Once I'm stable though, I can see myself working on this as a side project, kinda like how Stardew valley was made. Regardless of what happens next, I'm proud of the work I've done thus far and I hope I can continue working on this idea. It would be a dream come true if this became a real game people could play, but for right now it is still just a dream.

[silvercrane14]

Kaguya-Sama: Love Is War - two students are in love with eachother but refuse to "lose" and admit their feelings. Instead, they have increasingly convoluted plans to get the other to confess.

Okay I will admit. this Is a romance and also ive only seen the anime. So actually this would fall more under anime recs bcs the english dub voice acting is AMAZING. Anyway tho its a comedy that I really enjoy. Its about romance but like. Idk I dont read/watch romance often so I cant say "its not like the standard romance plot". But its less about them Falling In Love and more about them Overthinking Everything And Being Silly. ALSO !! tho it takes a bit, it does go into the characters a lot. Very centred on the characters relationships !! Not just romantically between the main two, but in general.

Why I think you would like it: similar in "vibe" to nozaki-kun. Funny!! But it has its moments of seriousness and it understands its characters well.

Mushishi - Eye Have Not Read This im sorry 🙏 i havent even seen the anime so I dont actually know much about it but ive been recced it so many times I figure I should pass it to you.

If u like Natsume's Book of Friends you'll enjoy this. Genuinely I think this is my strongest rec for you on this list even tho I've never seen it. I really do think u wld enjoy 👍

Insomniacs After School - IM REALLY SORRY I HAVENT READ THIS ONE EITHER. I HAVE IT KN GOOD AUTHORITY U WOULD LIKE IT I JUST CANT GUVE ANY DETAILS. BCS IDK REALLY.

"Two young teens who can't sleep find companionship with each other. They must learn to overcome any challenges and figure out what's important to them."

Why I think you would like it: Ive heard its similar to Skip to Loafer in a way!!

Girls Last Tour - Two young girls explore a post-apocolyptic wasteland. They go through abandoned buildings and old towns in their journey, battling solitude eith only eachother

This one is a little sad. More likeeee. Meloncholy, yk? I dont have much to say about it. Very good manga.

Why I think you would like it: The character relationship between the two girls seems like something you would enjoy.

Look Back - to be super honest its been over a year since I read this I dont fully remember what happens. Theres this girl wjo draws comics for her elementary school newsletter. Shes funny so every1 really likes her and her comics. at some point another comic appears, but its actually just four panels of background art. Its so beautifully drawn that the other students begin to fawn over it. Angry kver her loss of attention, the first girl goes to meet the girl making these new comics (The background girl doesnt go to school, she works at home). Thr end up becoming friends and the story shows how their friendship develops and changes, growing closer and growing further apart.

The manga is p short for. a manga but its actually just a Really Long oneshot. Its rlly good. not much else to say.

Why I think you would like it: Very similar to Blue Period. About art and how it reflects people. Also very strongly driven by the relationship between the two girls.

The Girl From The Other Side - ive been typing so much i really cant give a whole review on this. Similar to WHA. kinda. beautiful art. read it u will enjoy it

Kaguya-sama I watched the first two seasons of! Maybe I should read the manga too, I did think it was fun

Mushishi I watched maybe the first episode of, but I should definitely try again,,, I don't remember anything about it lol

I've read Insomniacs After School!!! I'm definitely not caught up though, and I've been planning on watching the anime,,,

Girls Last Tour I,,, might have seen? At least part of it a long time ago. I'll have to rewatch/read the manga

Look Back sounds really interesting,,, I'll check that one out!!!

I'm actually reading The Girl from the Other Side in Portuguese rn lol I have volumes 1-5 on my shelf

[jupitercl0uds]

im in a 'screw you tails i love you so much mood' so heres a random thought i had about his name. maybe it strives from canon cause theres always more sonic lore i dont know but i dont care. id imagine tails has backstories i dont know/cant think of right now but most of those probably arent canon anymore, due to being from additional media (comics, cartoons etc) from the 90s. anyway, here's my take:

mildly linked to my weird sonic timeline theory. you dont have to read the whole thing, but you'll need to know that i like to think that sonic is 11 and tails is 5 in the classic games

obviously his name, miles prower, doesn't fit the typical mobian naming structure. he should be miles the fox. so maybe he wasnt raised by mobians.

i'm going to abuse this.

his mother, miss prower, whatever her name was, was a single mother. she adopted him as a baby and named him miles. she mostly overlooked her son's birth defect because he loved her so much and thought the world of her. she tried to as well, but in the back of her mind, her son was a freak

when her son grew a little older, she noticed more oddities about him. he didn't understand the world. perhaps that was just him being young. he couldn't stand half the food she fed him. probably just a picky eater. he couldn't speak as well as his peers. that could happen sometimes. he would fidget all the time. he could just be hyperactive. he had an obsessive fascination with engineering - he would rant to her for hours at a time (if she let him) and could build so many little... things. things a 4 year old shouldn't be able to build.

it was too obvious to ignore by this point. he was definitely autistic. she tried to love him - after all, he loved her. but she couldn't. he was a freak. so, one day in november, she went out with tails and came back home alone.

eventually, tails was found by sonic, aged 5. sonic protected him from bullies. you know the story from there.

occasionally, tails talks of his mother. it's always loving. one day, aged 13, sonic decided to find 'prower' in the phone book and called his mother. surely, if her son loved her so much, she did too! he didn't want to say goodbye to his brother, but it would be for the benefit of tails and his mother.

tails was fast asleep in another room. after all, he wanted to surprise his brother. sonic dialled the number.

'hello?' 'hi! this is sonic the hedgehog! are you mrs prower?' 'miss. i've never married.' 'sorry, miss. uh, your son, miles-' 'has he bitten someone at nursery again?' 'no miss, miles! the fox with the two tails? the one that went missing? he's alive and well!' 'he is?' 'yeah! he's asleep right now, cause i wanna surprise him. we can arrange a date, place, time, and get together, if you-' 'i abandoned him.'

this was the first time she had ever admitted it. she knew it was wrong. plagued with guilt. but admitting it felt good. that weight had been lifted off her shoulders. and placed onto sonic's.

'what?' 'i tried to love him - after all, he loved me. but nobody wanted to see me with a weird mobian fox baby. i hated that freakish second tail. and he was just so... weird. i have a different miles now. in my eyes, that other one is dead in the alley i "lost" him in.' 'but- mrs-' 'miss' 'miss prower... how could you even do that? he's not weird, or freakish, he's' 'goodbye'

sonic decided he wouldn't tell tails until he was old enough to realise kids don't get lost that easily. whenever that would be.

for now, he'd be blissfully unaware.

[krockat]

absolutely gorge.

for a person who's been kind of drifted off from cool movies their whole life and is like, learning how to find things to watch that isn't centered at youths

(two of my most fave shows are steven universe and shera spop (and also russian doll, good omens and the boys but i haven't finished those yet so they don't count),

and has the task of recommending cool-fish whimsical weirdo movies and creations to a newly formed norm critical film group that me and a buncha disabled nerds are watching at our non-work-cause-we-cant-work-cause-we-v-disabled-workplace... :

does anyone have any recommendations on where to find films like this, or films to discuss, in such a group? or recommendations for specific films or media

(especially the watchable kind - one one can put on an old projector that's kinda shitty because we have not gotten the funding from our workplace (that's not actually a workplace, the corpos and govvies just want us to call it that. a lot of us going there call it dagis tho (informal slang for kindergarten)) to really gust this shit up yet)!

we are a bunch of funky polyminority queers and blooming cis+ers who all are into weird shit. but they (and me aswell, to a certain level, its just i know more than many of them on things like these) have not yet unlocked our potential for weird and norm critical/aware fully.

i think if this group goes well, we can motherfucker unlimited a Whole lot of people, honestly.

so yes, i am looking to make these all fuckers bloom out even more.

here are some movies i am going to suggest to our viewing, so you may know what we already got ahead:

- but i'm a cheerleader!

- everything everywhere at the end of time

- John waters movies and medias, esp those with divine (but i have not seen any yet, so if any of you have specific recs i would Love them)

- epsilon (i think?) - this one swedish short film that was a part of the yearly swedish film festival sometime between 2015-2020 that i can Not for the life of me find any even trace of online.

pretty sure it was called epsilon and it was about a brain that was being used in science experiments, that didn't realize it was just a brain, and a psychic one at that -

and the owner of the brain had donated it to science and had written away the right to have the ability to take away consent after they (the swedish scientist institute) had acquired the brain.

so they (the scientists) keep deleting its memory every time it gets 'too feisty' (tries to escape or attack the people abusing it for science).

it had one kind of notable swedish white older woman actor in it, but i can Not find her through imdb searches as i do not remember her or any works she has done. i tried searching through old women actors there but could Not.

- liv strömquist tänker på dig!

i am having hard time finding it online.

there was a recording made by SVT (Sveriges Television) of this Swedish theatre divising production, which is based on Liv Strömquist's feminist tragicomedy comic book also called Liv Strömquist Tänker På Dig! (Liv Strömquist Is Thinking About You!) - and i went to it live aswell Two times - and it was amazing, and i even got a script from (i think it was, retroactively) the director herself as i showed my huge nerdiness about it - and i foolishly never saved my own RIP of the recording of it!!)

- clue (tim curry etc version)

- derry girls (a few eps?)

we have watched, so far:

- dating amber (nice, we watched it in two parts. the first 3 meetings we had to setup the tech thing and the weird room we borrowed from the nearby building, dirty dusty room that was part of some old nearly empty office buildings, that was like a time capsule from the 70s. really funny to explore, super abandoned vibes and like it was left in a hurry with crap thrown places and sensitive documents, and broken and Untaken care of.

an old drink-yoghurt bottle that they stopped making like nearly 10 years ago stood in the projection hall that with old ass dusty ass tech sat. we nerded out REAL HARD y'all. also seems haunted by the past. also one time we heard a weird sound, and one of the friends there gathered it was an elevator alarm, cause she knows the sound as she lived in places with bad elavtors. and i was like. we should probably look to see if anyvody needs our help, but where tf is that elevator even, because it wasn't the regular elevators we use? so we find the elevator (in a room we didn't realize was there because we had explored it before and not seen that whole part.) and we pressed the button to see if it would help. and after a pretty long time (for an elevator, but not too long if it was a broken elevator) the elevator moved to our floor and there was a man there looking really confused. the door was bolted so we would have to unbolt it to open it. He didn't really say anything at first even after I said hey, so I asked 'are you okay? do you need help' and he was like 'no i am not okay, i am stuck in here, but there's people down there who are saying they can help me' so he went down and after he started going I was like. okay we'll press it again and if he's still in there we have unbolted the door so he can get out. but when we pressed it back he was gone.

anyway one of the friends got real scared and spooked out by that whole ordeal and honestly the place to begin with haha. but she was the one who showed up the next time to watch the second part of dating amber, and me (apart from our coach) , cause the other two were sickomoding.)

and are gonna watch:

- rocky horror picture show, next monday!

we are going eat snacks and dress extra camp for it, cause we wanted to also have it more like a viewing of the original cult movie watchings, and like some places still do?

yanno with the singing along and the throwing popcorn and that kinda hullabaloo?

but we just didn't have time to prepare all that for this one (we are all burnt out/are recovering, even our coach/leader is lol). so this is our pre!

oh yea this is a huge long comment where i just kinda had time to write down all this for the first time! longer than i anticipated, but i am gonna let myself be long for this one.

Woman of the Seventies

[tiens-letters]

with these hands, I vowed to love you

with these hands, I vowed to care for you

and with these hands, I ruined you

Childe (angst)

tw : slight gore and just pure pain

...

It was that time of the year again, going back to the snowy region was a bliss for you. Having to visit your fiancée's family was an unspoken tradition after he introduced you to them. They practically took you in as one of them immediately, especially that little angel brother of his.

Teucer.

The train ride was comfortable , the window giving you the familiar beauty of the snowy landscape of snezhenaya. It was snug inside the rather spacious compartment Childe rented out, even when you told him that you'd rather share a normal one due to your thrifty nature he'd shrug it off, claiming it that he has too much mora and nowhere to spend it on other than you.

Gifts from him would scare you as you knew these weren't anywhere cheap. Everything he gave was expensive, he loved showering you in gifts and it made you feel so overwhelmed.

"Ajax, you're spending too much." you were visibly sweating beside him as he picked out another one of the dresses on display at the local boutique of Liyue.

"I think this one would suit you better, don't you think so love?" of course he wasn't listening, placing the dress in front of you

"Ajax." you frowned at him

" I just want to spoil you." he whines

"I know but sometimes its just..." you stopped yourself before saying anything further in fear of offending him

"Was it too much again?" the tone in his voice softens as he puts back the dress, he knew how you didn't like that habit of his, formed from the first time he saw you down by the docks.

"One dress, Ajax. One is enough since you picked it out for me." you gave in not wanting to see him so dejected, he immediately brightens up as he pecks you on cheek before rushing off to a different aisle of clothing. Sighing, you sat down on the sofa present in the shop, watching the ginger decide thoroughly of what dress to buy.

But of course, your love for one another runs deeper than things bought off gold nor silver. No, it ran deeper than anything else, rivaling the oceanic depths.

"What are you thinking about hmm?" he hums below you, head resting against your lap.

"Im just happy to be visiting again, that's all." you smile, nimble hands brushing through his soft hair "Sleep well?"

"You bet I did." he grins taking your hand and placing a kiss to your beating pulse and then another and another, showering you in his deeply rooted affection. Soon his kisses reached where they are supposed to belong, those soft lips of yours and then inching their way to the sensitive spots on your neck, leaving marks only he can place on you.

Breathless and bothered, you pushed him back "The attendants are gonna see, you idiot." at least you still had some control in you

"They will only arrive when we call them , so its fine to have a little fun before we arrive." there was that sly grin of his as he continued in where you both left off, ears perking to hear more sounds exclusively for him and him only.

"You horny bastard!"

...

It was cozy by the hearth, you and his siblings huddled together in one single fleece blanket, steaming cups of hot cocoa in hand. Childish giggles and hushed stories erupted amongst you. Teucer having wrapped in your arms as he snuggled closer. Anthon and Tonia flanking your sides.

"Hey, who's fiancé do you think you guys are coveting?"

"Oh don't be like that, your siblings just miss them." his mother chided from the couch where she sat, an open book on her lap, she didn't seem to age and always looked so young that at first you were shocked to have been introduced to her.

"But mom, I haven't seen her all day." her son pouts as if he were still a child denied his candy

"Give me a break, you're always clinging onto her you know." his sister rolls those identical thalassic eyes at him "You wont die if you go a day without her."

"Listen here you little---"

"Ajax." you interjected, as much as you enjoy the siblingly banter of theirs, you cant have them going at each other with offensive words. His pleading gaze aimed at you as he practically begged for you both to go home.

"Please?"

"After I put Teucer to bed." you sighed, standing up with the youngest in your arms

"Seriously this guy." his sister groaned "I was having a good time."

"Tonia dear, we can continue our conversations tomorrow." you winked at her, it was a promise

"Fine."

Both of you bid farewell to his mother and made your way towards Teucer's room and tucking him in.

"Happy?" you turned to your fiancée, a narrowed look in your eyes as he grinned beside you

"Of course, sweetheart!" he pecked your lips as he pulled you closer

"Can you not do it in Teucer's room? Have some shame." his siblings' comments were endless, this time it was from his older brother.

"That's why were going home." Childe picked you up as you made a surprised yelp making the other party roll his eyes "Also, get ready to lose tomorrow brother. I'm getting that white deer for my lady."

"I'm looking forward to it."

The walk was short towards Childe's home as he preferred living alone. It was a grandiose manor and you were sure you will never get used to how big it was and filled with such furnitures of the finest quality.

"Well, how was your day darling?" you hummed, arms snaking around his neck

"Oh you wouldn't believe it."

...

It was there.

You felt it in the cold breeze that wafted into the room.

A shift in the flow of the wind, it was different yet familiar at the same time. Leaving the window open as the harsh temperatures of the night climbed and crawled inside. The curtains danced in the turbulent current of the gale, carrying songs only you could hear. Songs that made mountains tremble and build civilizations at the same time.

there was something foreboding, something terrifying and something heavy and dark that devoured anything in its path.

You heard him first before he came in through those doors, that tousled ginger hair of his caked with melting snowflakes in the warm glow of the lamps. His rugged appearance caused by the hunting competition between him and his older siblings induced his worn out state. That soft yet jaded smile of his was what welcomed you as he trudged inside the bedroom, lazily discarding his clothes on the basket for dirty laundry and entering the bathroom for a quick shower.

"why is the window open? " he asks you, sliding inside the warm covers

"I just wanted fresh air ." you smile as you shut the windows and pull the blinds enough for you to see the moon that hung above the sky. Joining him under the covers, you cradled him, his head resting on the crook of your neck. Your hands finding their way into those soft locks of his , entangling them as he hummed softly against you. Those arms of his that held weapons and skin littered with scars both old and new now held you close, so tenderly as if he'd never taken a life before.

"sing me a song, sweetheart. " his queries were simple yet genuine

"of course." you sang until you equated him to a sleeping newborn

It was warm, so warm that you could have mistaken it for a summer afternoon in Liyue, resting on the couch with silken pillows and window showcasing the view of the harbor below. The steaming cups of soothing tea Beidou would brew for you when nights became cold at times she would pay you a visit after trading that would take weeks, months and rarely years.

you slept.

Why is it cold? you wondered, Did Ajax open the windows?

You were blessed by the tsaritsa so such climates shouldn't matter to you.

You woke up.

A shadow was cast over you by the man youve sung to sleep. Virulent blue eyes looked at you with so much abhorrence, for a second you couldnt recognize them and thought it was a stranger to which you were ready to terminate.

"Ajax?" your voice was hoarse, as you slowly lost the feeling in your lips.

He was crazed, still trapped in that dreaming state of his, drifting between experiences. Today was a re-enactment of a memory he would never speak of, not even to you. There were parts of him he'd never tell you, such a soul as yours should never hear.

You choked and coughed as the metallic taste of mortal ichor filled your throat. How could you have not felt anything earlier? Was it because of your futile attempts to coax Ajax back into reality or was it because of the numerous thoughts your mind came up with to he answer as to why he is in such a virulent state. Excruciating pain filled your whole body as you writhed and struggled under his grip. It felt as if something was being ripped out of you.

"Ajax, darling come back to me." you cried, it took so much to even utter a word as you bled out, you know not where but you could feel it. The liquid vital for your survival was seeping out of you, flowing like a lazy river on an autumns day, only that it was warm, sticky and addicting.

"Ajax?" a hiss comes from that mouth, he cringes as you freed your numb hands to hold his face and he let you, seeing as to there was no point in stopping you as you dangerously danced on a tight rope of life and death. You couldn't tell in that delirious disposition of yours if his eyes were shifting between Ajax or the primal eyes of a beast hunting its prey.

It wasn't too late was it?

But why didn't your eyes meet his?

Who snuffed out all the lights?

"I've abandoned that name a long time ago."

The cold took over you completely, freezing you until you broke under his touch with words left dying in your ichor filled lips

and then fear was the last thing you felt.

fear that he might not return to his sweet, charming self.

fear that he will curse everything in his path.

fear that he might attempt to use different various methods to bring back what was lost

and fear of his ruination.

you care not for your death, even in your last minutes of life, you dare not blame him for what he's endured so far. only wishing he never had to experience such in the first place.

This is what the wind warned you about in its lullaby.

...

Childe woke up for the second time.

Oddly more worn out than the day before, but your songs always worked, how come? . He wondered if you left to make breakfast as the covers felt empty as he reached out for you. No, you were a late riser, always having to slumber in the middle of the warm covers of the bed you both share. It was he who mostly did the cooking in the morning. So your presence gone was a displacement in the moment of his waking.

His eyes had to adjust to the view of the room as he sat up, a yawn escaping his lips as he called for you. The pitter-patter sound of the water on the bathroom tiles were non-existent as he strained his ears to hear for any trace of you.

"What..." he was confused as to why the room was trashed, furniture broken in half and strewn about the room, the drapes shredded and laying on the floor and the mirror shattered to pieces, shards sharp enough to cut through skin yet he slept through such a thing?

his first concern was your safety as you had not been present in the room and it him.

the heavy stench of blood lingered in the air. His enjoyment for such things turned into something suffocating because blood was never shed in his own home nor in his very room. In the state of confusion, something dark caught his peripheral vision. A large blemish in the covers beside him, it was dyed a deep dark crimson and he knew well what it was. He began to shake in worry, telling himself not to panic until he finds you safe. All he could remember was you singing him to sleep, held captive in your soft arms, encased in your warmth, so how did it come to such a morning that looked like a result of a monster's tantrum. He calls out for you, his bare feet on the floor as splinters punctured them and he didnt care. he had to find you.

The hallways looked haunting, the portraits on the walls taunting him and he swore he was going lose it if he hadnt found you sooner, every room was achingly vacant and it felt like a dream. He calls for your name again in a frenzy as he rushes through the place, had the mansion been this big? he thinks as he runs down the stairs.

There in the fireplace, the dying embers of fire lit from the night before, wood giving away and turning into coal as the burning smell mingled with similar stench that engulfed the bedroom, the same dark liquid on the sheets was present as well, only that it was painted into the wall and bled down creating a cascading waterfall.

Because there you were, with arms spread out as if welcoming each and every sinner for solace and blessing them with forgiveness, the drying mortal ichor behind you creating a halo. Your lips upturned into something soft as if you'd do anything disgraceful to keep the effeminacy on a soul lost to ruin.

an angel crucified.

that oh so heavenly face of yours could rival anything beautiful, even statues would crumble under you, nations would go to war for you and bodies of those who want you would turn into a throne built for you and you only. You were immortally ethereal even in death.

Ajax, dear sweet Ajax felt his legs give away, energy having siphoned from him as he trembled so much that it could rival the mountains when they shook. Thalassic eyes, wide blown into grief, anguish and all other emotions crashed against him like strong waves that could drown anyone caught up in it. He knelt as pain spread through him like wildfire, burning, scorching and killing. Agonized cries filled the room and if someone were to pass by, they couldve mistaken it for a dying animal. He gasped and choked on his own breath as he dared to look at you, the tears freely flowing from his eyes, down to his pale cheek and finally falling off his trembling chin to be hungrily absorbed by the carpeted floor that was also tarnished by ichor.

He felt crazed as he wept and in that moment of insanity, he remembered. That most disgusting sin he's ever committed that he should never be pardoned for in the life he has right now and the next ones he will be in. Through the blur of tears, he saw his hands and he wished he didnt.

Sullied hands befitting a murderer.

He screams into the ground, doubling over as his hands find their way into his hair, gripping it and ripping out those jacinthe locks of his. He could never forgive himself now and he never will. He wails out loud until his own throat collapsed into a croaking mess.

and then he couldnt find himself no longer.

The sand of time seemed to trickle down slowly. His eldest siblings came looking for him, to continue the hunt. A once peaceful encounter turned into a nightmarish reality as they witnessed their brother rocking back and forth with you gingerly wrapped in his arms, mumbling your name. Lips pressed to your forehead as he prayed and begged for forgiveness over and over in hushed torn whispers as if it were enough to bring you back and cover that gaping hole in your abdomen.

"What did you do?"

...

"Brother, when are they coming back?"

Oh darling Teucer, innocence reflecting off his eyes as he tugged on his brother's sleeve. The toy you gifted him clutched tightly at his side.

"I dont know kid, their mission was sudden so its best to wait. Can you do that Teuc?" the truth about you was kept behind closed doors, only adults can speak of and if they did, it took time to keep the conversation smooth and off of any grief nor sadness when your name reached their tongue. The younger ones would never know until the time is right. When everything was taken care of and hearts moved on. 

Your funeral was held in secrecy yet was it was grand. Something that would hold the significance of your memories with them. It was beautiful, your favorite flowers lined along your coffin, and you. Looking ever so ethereal even when death has kissed you, clad in that dress Childe bought for you. 

"uh huh!" the youngest ginger nodded eagerly and skipped away as the eldest sighed into his hands, the pressure weighing heavily on his shoulders as he worried more and more about his younger sibling. Another memory, a mind broken and a his soul withering. was there any way to save him? 

Days seemed to go by as any glimpse of the man was scarce. Until one day they ceased to see him altogether. It started at lunch, a week after the funeral when it took everyone to coax him into eating more as he lost weight  and trickled down to a whole day. Cooped up in his room, clinging to a pillow with the fading scent of you. and then he was gone, like a snowflake melting upon ones forehead. They grew anxious and thought of the worse until they caught wind that he was back in Liyue from one of the agents only then were they allowed to breathe a little better. 

"Childe, what finds you here?" the calm tone of the geo archon's voice broke him out of his trance

"Have you seen my fiance?" Zhongli blinks at the question of the harbinger, he knew what befell you and yet this man before him seemed clueless enough as to what he committed. How Childe did what he did, he seemed to sympathize with in a way that would make him understand his behavior. 

" I have not." he couldnt bring himself to tell this man the truth. Perhaps he was sparing him, spearing that mind of his into spiraling down into nothingness and a heart that was held by a thin piece of thread. "Perhaps it is better to enjoy yourself while you wait for them." 

To deviate oneself from the loss might be the best way Childe right now until his mind is ready to accept the torment of the heavy truth that would slew this man. 

"I see. " he smiles and yet it feels so empty to Childe, the reason? He wouldnt know or atleast his mind wouldnt allow him to know 

"Ill see you around then Xiansheng." 

Everything that he portrayed lacked and all he could do as he's always did. 

...........

i had to.

I hope yall would get Childe :)

[golbrocklovely]

I fully agree with you, if he hasnt walked a mile in another person’s shoes, someone who hasnt had it easy, hasnt lived a life of privileged or had that cushion where he knew if he fucked up he could easily move back with mom and dad, then he has no right to tell people how it is and how its supposed to be based on what he’s read off self help books. Its not like he spent years helping malnourished children in a extremely poor part of the world and went “wow these people with so little still manage to be happy by doing this”, no he bought philosophy for dummies and ran with it.

Personally i think the people that preach the most like he does are trying to convince themselves they are happy, so they go on these rants and spiels trying to convince people it should be like this or that because that is how their life is currently like and because they really aren’t happy. Not to sound like a jerk because i’d kill to have that life where i can be my own boss, follow my own schedule, and my biggest headache is ���i need to edit & film” and not “how the fuck am i going to pay rent”, but Sam is over here complaining about editing all the time and how “its starting to feel like work”, yeah im not gonna feel bad for you buddy when you’ve had the means to hire editors and a team, no one told you to disassociate from friends or move and buy A second mansion and just abandon the first one. His issues are rich people problems and for him to have the audacity to say we shouldn’t put all our joy into vacationing!!! When the majority of us cant afford to travel every other week like him is absurd.

The same way Colby gets called out for the littlest things, i WISH someone would call him out and tell him if he feels like ranting to go to a therapist first and then if he still can’t scratch that itch, to actually take the time to get out of his comfort zone and learn about people and society instead of being so generalized with his thinking.

i don't think he would have to go that far to understand struggle. but i do think weirdly he can come across with a lack of empathy. i think he genuinely cares, but i don't think he fully grasps how bad some ppl have it. hell, even i to some extent don't. but bc my lows have been deadly to some extent, i care for those who have struggled more than me, bc i could barely make it thru.

and you nailed it right on the head. i think internally he struggles to find himself, to find things that make him happy, and bc of that, he tries to project this air of "i'm so happy and you can be just like me if you follow along." and it's just… not realistic.

i personally believe that regardless of life circumstance, you can still bitch about how life feels. even they have bad days. my issue is that maybe venting to us isn't the best way to go about it. go vent to your influencer friends who understand you gripe. i will say tho, when they do complain, they also immediately follow it up with "but we don't really have all that much to complain about" so… win some lose some lol

but i do get your point that they could easily hire someone to help take the stress of editing out of their life, but instead don't forever whatever reason bc they want someone they can mold into the perfect editor for them.

side note, and not related to this at all, on xplrclub they talked about how they might be hiring this one editor who's gonna basically do sam's half (or at least help out with that half) and i'm just like…. WHY THAT HALF??? they bitch constantly that they don't want anything flashy that a lot of editors do now-a-days, so clearly they want control on the back end of the editing. why not just hiring someone to cut the video up and make it make sense, and then the two of them can split between the music, subtitles, transitions, ect???? that would be SO much easier. also i basically said at this point they should just hire a fan to edit bc even i at this point could make a video like theirs lol

anyway back to your ask

oh yeah, when he talked about not living for things like vacation and trying to find happiness or positivity in the mundane, i get it. but like…. wrong messenger. you can actually afford a vacation. some of us can't and will never be able to. so like, if we some how miraculously can, shut the fuck up and let me enjoy it sksksks

highkey i would love for snc to both go to a therapist. like, i just know they need one. we all do tbh. but at least they can afford to go to one.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

April Teaser Collection!

Here is the  latest peek at my stuff sitting on my pc that will hopefully be finished over the next few weeks. I hope you find something that tickles your pickle. below the cut are The Stand In, It’s A Match, Deliverance, Mans False God, Gloria Regali.

But instead of being managing to be all sneaky and close the door hiding henry in your room like a naughty teen with her boyfriend Henry was up and awake.

"Aha! Gotcha! Who said you could sneak out of bed this morning baby? I was lonely with out you~" you screamed and just about jumped out of your skin as Henry wrapped himself around you from behind dragging you back into him, nuzzling into your neck pressing an open mouthed kiss to it. Your shout of surprize had silenced both of the women's chatter making them jump, even Kal came darting back in gruffing as he leapt up the stairs heckles and tail raised and growling on high alert. Fuck.

"now why cant i get a good morning like that?" Tee giggled crossing her arms at the both of you, your mother eyed you both with a knowing grin and hummed agreeing. Henry snapped his head up and gulped. Fuck. You and henry stood still for a few seconds far to shocked at being caught with your pants down so to speak. You shifted on your feet but henry held you still hands on your hips using you to shield his nude form from your guests he hadn't known were there.

"O-oh shit- err good morning ladies!" He said turning red his voice higher than usual as he shuffled backward taking you with him. As he tried saving his modesty, he didn't take the covers with him because- well he had thought it was only you on the bus!

"I err- shit i didn't see you there... Sorry about almost flashing you both like that..." he said with an uneven tone tip toeing back into the room, still holding you at his crotch hiding the once half hard- now softening cock.

"Good girl, where's your mother? Hmm? Your not supposed to be out and about alone are you?" Henry spoke slowly digging his fingers into the dense soft fur managing to find and hold the collar below the thick fur, then he leant down scooping up the lead what was still attached to her. Kal grunted and sat on the floor leaning his weight on henry's leg. Henry looked down and patted Kal scratching his ears chuckling. Kal's eyes still wide taking in the larger dog in front of him, it was comical Kal was used to being the biggest bear... but he was a good four to five inches shorted then this magnificent grey floofer.

"Kal, you okay there bud?... year she really is big isn't she, you best behave don't want her telling you off do you?" He spoke slowly calming both pups... and gosh did Kal look like a pup compared to her. Slowly both dogs leaned towards one another sniffing the air then with a happy yip Amii began licking kal... like a pup. Henry burst out laughing it was too sweet watching Amii sniff around his bear, whilst Kal sent his human a look clearly pleading for help as this new huge female smothered him with affection. But henry wasn't falling for it, Kal was wagging his tail just as excited to make a new freind.

Honestly henry was glad, akitas were fickle. They either liked you or they didn't. He got the feeling Kal would like this gentle giant for now he was a little awe struck over being smaller then something.

"Clark? Clark come and help me- I cant reach the milk! Its at the back again!" Martha said quietly you smiled. It took a lot of coaxing but you had indeed tried what Clark had explained as 'cow juice' and had developed a taste for it. So Martha had promised you milk every day if you liked. Which you did like. A lot. Clark pressed another kiss to you and walked off towards the milk refrigerators expecting you to follow.

You made to follow but a sweet scent hit you and you stopped mid step. It was wonderful and ripe, sweet and succulent. You pivoted and followed without much thought. Your feet found there way twisting around the display of 'leafy greens' to a bright colourful isle. You salivated at the smells. There were so many intoxicating scents you didn't know what to look at first.

You pressed a hand on a small net package full of strange green fuzzy balls. Kiwi's? You read and scrunched your face up at the peculiar name. Then plucked the bag up and held it to your nose sniffing. They smelled divine, like a type of food from home. Okriin a small soury sweet treat given to children on their birthing date. You sniffed again and almost cried. It was so similar but so different sweeter and fuller in the scent. You cautiously sniffed again and closed your eyes before tentativly prodding it with your tongue wanting to see if it tasted the same.

"y/n? Y/n?!- oh god there you are? What are you doing? You almost gave me a heart attack" Clark said racing towards you his mother behind him with the cart. He slid to a stop and blinked at you. As you scrunched up your nose.

"the texture of these are... Not very nice?" you said naively moving for the fruit again sticking your tongue out once more trying to discern if it was edible like this. Clark moved quickly gasping holding your hands that had the.. Kiwi's in it.

"no no.. No we- you don't eat them like that... You peel them and eat the inside, and we don't lick things in the shop okay?" he explained plucking the fruit from you and placed them in the cart, Martha chuckled into her chest she couldn't help it, you were extremely cute.

Kal proped himself up on his side and smiled sadly nodding. He knew. He knew the state they found you in was their fault. Thats why he was so adamant to look after you now to... make amends in a way. You'd proved you could barely survive on your own. But Kal was also angry; angry that you'd been abandoned, he had thought Bruce would atleast put something in place to look after you but he hadn't. Bruce hadn't helped you, he to busy saving his own skin and trying to fight him and the new regime. But he was more angry at himself you had been alone, with no means to protect yourself or really survive. And he should have known! He should have realised you were scared, that you would stay away from the new citizen system he put in place. That you'd fear being caught and killed like many of the others.

"I know, but we have her now... its going to be better now, we are going to right the wrongs love... we can give her the best life  look after her and nothing will ever hurt our little one again" his voice was strained his face in firm lines, hard and stone like. He truly was a god, carved in marble. Perfect. Diana nodded laying back curling herself around you. Kal drew a deep breath and shuffled closer winding his arms around his family, holding both his girls.

He chuckled when you grunted pouting in your sleep when he sandwiched you between Diana and himself. Trying to wriggle fee from the group hug.  But once again you settled after a few moments relaxing as you were now being warmed from both sides a small smile graced your face. Kal grinned and nuzzled the back of your head pressing chaste kisses to your bed ridden hair, he felt at peace having you here with him. And he meant what he said no one will ever touch his little babygirl.

"what wrong? Whats going on?" you spoke quietly trying not to stare at the clearly sick monarch. You didn't want to see it, you didn't want to think of the implications of the illness he was clearly suffering.

"nothing gets past you does it my girl?" your father spoke jovially trying to lighten the mood but failed miserably, his chuckles dying off fairly quickly and he heaved a sigh. Your uncle broke the silence and your fathers hand slid to yours under the table and squeezed your fingers tightly trying to reassure you.

"I have summoned you here to discuss something that... Is very serious and the outcome will change the lives of many people. This is something.. I wished I could hold off but I'm afraid I cannot firefly" you bit your lip and braced yourself. This was bad news you could tell. A part of you thought for a moment of marriage, your gut churned at the thought and you felt sick all of a sudden. Where you being married off as a pawn? It was likely, it still happened even in this day and age it was just covered up with fairytale romance... Story book meetings and courtships, when in reality you were told that your to marry and that was the end of it.

"Y/n you are royalty. You were born in to a royal blood line that has ruled over this kingdom for nearly four centuries... And now it is time for you to take your place within it and do your duty" your father stated in his 'work' voice for the time being he was not your father, he was a prince. Heir to the throne and head of your family. And you were to listen and obey.

"You want to give me duties as a working royal?" you said sitting straighter only quivering slightly. You dreaded this, the publicity the duty and responsibility that you'd managed to avoid so far. But you knew one day you would have to take your place.

"yes dear. We need you. Now" your father said urgently, but there was something off. Like he was holding back, fearfull in a sense and it was not like him.

"Of course i will. Father I'm no fool I understand what my position requires of me and i will serve my country. You need only ask and I will obey. I only ask that i be given time to sort things out with the university security and such would need to be increased if they are having a working royal on campus-"

"I'm afraid its not as simple as that we... Are asking you to put your studying off" your uncle interrupted you making you frown. What? You furrowed your brow and made to shake your head but paused. It made sense... If you were to come and take on duties then the media may go wild and cause an uproar... They could cause issues on campus

"How long for?" you asked trying your hardest not to frown at your father and uncle

"Indefinitely.." the king replied holding your gaze firmly. it was then you knew this was serious, more so then anything you’d experienced before.

[ally-writes-many-things]

Who you are (Hamish Duke) Part 2

Summary: You were an Adepti for The Order but you were also a spy for Gnostic council. The council called you back to Belgrace to spy on Vera after the recent werewolf attacks which is when you find out something about one of your old best friends.

Words: 1611

Requested: Yes

Prompts:

Warning or A/N: Part 3 is when it picks up

You walked into the Temple with a bunch of members running around doing multiple things. An acolyte bump straight into you spilling some kind of mixture all of you. "I'm so sorry Adepti. I didn't see you standing there,"

You were annoyed about it at first but you remembered how hard it was when you were an Acolyte. You half smiled and looked at them. "Look, take a deep breath and relax. I know it's hard your first year but just remember to take a deep breath,"

The acolyte smiled at you. "Thank you,"

You nodded and walked past the acolyte and dodged other members and into Vera's office. "Why is the temple so busy?"

"Coventry,"

You rolled your eyes. "What is he doing now?"

"Elemental Transference, what's all over your shirt?"

Your eyes grew big at the mention of that. "Some acolyte spelled something on me and for who?"

"Renee Marand. What did this acolyte look like? I'll make sure they'll clean up after the ritual,"

You quickly walk over to the chair and sat in it. "Nah, don't worry about it. Isn't she that necromancer that was kicked out?"

"She is,"

"Does the gnostic council know?"

Vera nodded. "Oh don't worry about spying on Coventry. He's trying to find all the pages to the Vade Maecum Infernal,"

"The Vade Maecum is-"

"Dangerous. I know. Edward wont listen to reason,"

You shook your head. "What does this have to do with Renee?"

"Necrophone,"

"The same Necrophone that lets you talk to the dead? I thought that was just some story?"

Vera shakes her head. "No. It's very much real,"

You sat back and started thinking that maybe Vera was right to suspect the Grand Magus but you still were wary to spy on him. Anyone that gets in his way, gets killed and you liked being alive too much to die. "Why does he want it?"

"Something to do with the Vade Maecum and how he thinks that the necrophone will help him find the pages? I don't know and I don't know what he wants with the Vade Maecum either but I have a plan but I cant execute it until after the transference is over,"

"What's the plan?"

"All you need to know is heal Renee, get the Necrophone and find the remaining pages,"

Edward walked into Vera's office and you quickly stood up from the chair. "Yes, Grand Magus. Is there anything you need me to do?"

Edward puts his hand on your shoulder. "You looked more and more like your mother each and every day,"

You were a legacy, that's why you went through the levels so quickly was because you were practicing magic all your life. You've known Edward since you were little. Hell, he took you in after your parents have died when you were tenish. "Really think so?"

He nodded. "Yes. She..both of your parents would be so proud of you,"

"Thank you sir,"

He nodded. "And no, we got everything under control for the time being. We'll let you know when it starts."

You nodded and started to walk out of the office but Vera called you back. "Hold on,"

You turned around and looked at her. She walked up to you and handed you a book. You looked down at it and it was the werewolf manual. "I know we haven’t had a recent attack but you can never be too careful,"

You nodded and walked out of the office and noticed that one of the cauldron was bubbling and Jack was walking away from it. You shrugged because you didn’t know if it was suppose to do that or not since this was your first transference ritual.

--

It had been a few hours since Vera gave you this book and it had taken you just as long to read it. It was a very hard book to read because one it HAD way too much information, drug some points out, and some of it was written in a different language which you had used magic to read. You were just about to stop reading when you read that both human and werewolf forms had a different smell to them. Human form while smells like whatever that human smelled like and the smell of the wolf smelled like warm fur.

You rolled your eyes at the information because that was obvious. You felt your dog's nose rub against your leg. You looked at your dog and smiled as he laid down next to you. You quickly put the book down and went to sniff your dog's fur as he was a wolfdog and his fur was always warm. When you got the smell, you were with a familiar scent. It was the same scent as Hamish, Randall, Jack and Lilith had but your dog's scent was overpowering like theirs were.

Could they really be the werewolves that attacked everyone? Could Hamish?

You were on your way to find Hamish when you saw Jack and Kyle get into a van and drive off. You got back into your car and followed them to a warehouse and saw them start to load people into the back of the van, which you were guessing were the elements. You then see Kyle trying to drive off but something had a hold of the van and then it was let go and Kyle run into a wall. You couldn't see what had ahold of the van cause if you were to move, you would've been spotted. You then see Lilith walking up to Jack's side fully naked. You quickly cut your hand and said the words of a spell that allows you to hear what someone is talking a distance away.

"You wanna explain yourself, asshole?"

"This isn't what it looks like,"

"Really? 'Cause it looks like you're driving five people to their slaughter,"

"I didn't know that,"

"Now you do and we're going to stop it,"

"No, the Grand Magus is after something and I need to know what it. You can't stop it. I won't let you,"

"You think I can't take you?"

"You think you can take Silverback?"

There was a moment of silence before Lilith walked away.

Whose Silverback? Why was Lilith naked?

--

After Lilith had left, you did too. You were confused as to why Lilith wants to stop the ritual and not to mention how she knows about The Order. You got back to campus, you walked into Blade and Chalice, you started to walk the bar when you heard your name being called. You turned and saw that it was Randall waving you over. You were hit with the smell of warm fur again. The same smell you smelt on your dog but more intense. "Y/N! How are you?"

"I'm good. Where's Hamish?"

Randall shrugged. "Probably, doing teacher assistant things,"

You chuckled. You couldn't believe that Hamish had decided not to become a lawyer because that was the main thing he had always talked about. "Fun,"

"So you travelled around the world?"

"I did,"

Randall was about to say something but his phone went off. He looked down at his pocket, pulled it out and read whatever was on the screen. He grabbed his drink and chugged it before standing up. "Gotta go meet up with Hamish and Lilith. I'll catch you later?"

You smiled and said of course.

You waited a few minutes after him leaving before you got up and left to go after him. He had walked a good few minutes into the woods before you saw a house. A house that looked completely abandoned on the outside. You waited till he was inside the house before walked up to one of the windows. You tried to open one of the windows but it was locked. So you did the same hearing spell you did before. It wasn't much of anything but you saw Jack walking out of the woods. You didn't have to move to hide because you were already in a well shaded area.

Lilith started walking down the stairs. "You're such a fucking hypocrite."

Hamish tried to calm her down. "Okay, lets take a breath,"

"You have the nerve to give me shit about eating some monster's heart, but you turn around and drive a van full of people to their death!"

Randall looked at Jack in shock "You what?"

"It's the Elemental Transference. The spell needs willing sacrifices. Five of them,"

"You're supposed to be sabotaging it. Not helping,"

"I did and we were up and running around again in twelve hours."

"Dude...We're you're we,"

"So you failed. You admit it,"

Failed what?

"No. Look, I talked to Coventry. I saw it in his eyes. He's so desperate for this spell, he'll do anything. He'll risk the entire Order, and we need to know why.

Why is Jack telling them this?

The rest of the conversation was talking about what the spell does and how it's possible and how Jack needed to know what Coventry was after.

"Randall, you wanted an inside man. Let me do my job as a Knight,"

That's the second time you heard them calling themselves Knights. What the hell are they talking about?

"Then go,"

You saw Jack nodding his head and walking out the door.

What are the Knights? Why does Jack desperately need to know what Coventry was after? Why are Hamish, Lilith and Randall want to stop the ritual? Why did Jack tell them?

You were so into your thought and didn't hear the window opening until you heard your name. "Y/N?"

You looked up and saw Hamish looking at you.

"Hi,"

[tt205]

UNCONDITIONALLY

LAN XICHEN x READER

Summary: Your somewhat boyish behavior always bothered many , especially now whole of Gusu Lan Clan was pissed with you . Sharing feelings with Lan Xichen is something that brought you quite close this days . Will love be enough to cover up all of your 'flaws' ?

Requested? : YES by rozesdanze and I'm apologizing again for this late upload .

WARNINGS: minor cursing, low self esteem , slight bullying nothing that may trigger you too much .

Words count : 3.440

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

You always were a free spirited person , not caring much about what everyone gotta say and just minding your own business while offering a helping hand where it was needed .

It was your nature , something you couldn't change.

Sometimes people told you to be more "feminine " or "act like a girl of your age " your somewhat boyish behavior bothering them .

You didn't mind it at all .

You grew up with only male friends except for Jiang Yanli and that's why you have adopted this 'strange for a girl ' behavior .

Everything was fine until you entered The Gusu Lan Clan Sect's area in the Cloud Recesses.

Your not so much disciplined ways of living bothered Lan Qiren and the rest of the ladies , that were supposed to be studying there and not gossip around .

It firstly started as comments now and then " dress like a girl " " style your hair like a girl " " why are you not wearing your hairpins ?" And such .

You brushed off the first couple of weeks but when the whole student community started making fun of you , you couldn't take it any more .

Your pride was indeed hurt .

If Wei Wuxian wasn't there you would have left this hell of a place and return back in Yumeng Clan, your hometown.

He was supportive as always , reassuring you that everything was fine with you and that you didn't have to change yourself in order to be accepted by others .

Your own self is what makes you unique.

If someone doesn't likes your real self then they dont deserve being with you .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

You passed through the hallways trying to get in class when a group of so-good-for-nothing girls blocked your way .

A short girl two years older than you spoke first with this high pitched voice that make you want to slap her straight in the face "oh y/n I pity you so much .. how will you be able to find a good match in the future with such a poor manner set ? Tsts" she chuckled making your eyes go wide at her rudeness.

"I'm sure I will have more possibilities to find one than you .. I may not have the good manners you are claiming to have yourself but at least i am not rude with people i know nothing about " you answer her back bowing your head and trying to move through them .

"Move !" You ordered one of her side chicks Ling the stupid one .

" Oh my goodness.. this is not a way a lady should talk to another y/n " another one of her bitches talked.

You glared at her trying to push Ling to the side.

" why are you even talking to her Feng ? She cant even walk in a proper way yet not even get dressed up as a lady of her status she is a waste of time .. better let her become a puppet of her stupid friend the Yiling Patriarch-- "

"If you ever curse on Wei Wuxian in front of me I ll make sure to shut your mouth with my fist ! He is not making puppets to your information he is just controlling the Yin iron with skills you wish you could have ! Now move out of my sight !" You tell them totally pissed of .. you grab your sword case trying to put some sense in them but they dont seem to mind

" Stupid bitch no one will ever love you in this way ! Every one will pity your for being an unmarried pathetic bitch! In the end even your own family will abandon you - oh I forgot you've got none! " She curses at you and you feel like something is twisted to your core .

2 thing are what you hate the most 1. having people pitying you or telling you that they do and 2. People talking about your family .

That's it , before giving it a second thought you uncover your cased sword harshly .

You move it to your untied hair grabbing a fistful of them before moving the blade on them.

" 1st of all you are not even in the place to think about my family lowly peasant! Do you think that no one in here knows about your relationship with an already married man? " you ask her and she widens her eyes .

"secondly this is for you ! I'm a woman of my status and none my hair , clothing or manners can prove it otherwise! At least I'm not someone's slut!" You close your eyes before moving the blade in one sift motion and cutting half of your hair's length shortening it to shoulder's length.

"Now fuck off and don't dare to look at my direction again emptyheaded bitch!" You scream at her throwing all the hair on her face before making your way back to your room .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

3 hours have passed since the incident and no one has reached for you yet .

"Good" you thought, because reconsidering your action you've broken more that 6 of Gusu lan clan's rules and show disrespect to your rank status by cutting your hair .

Before realizing it you heard someone knocking on your door "shit" you cursed in your brain , moving to the doorframe and opening the door only to come face to face with the Clan-leader-to-be Lan Xichen.

You bowed your head , forcing a smile on as you rubbed your hands together to sooth your embarrassment, way too shy to look your 'crush' to the eyes .

"Greeetings Zewu Jun " you said moving aside and making room for him to enter .

"Lan Qiren asked me to bring you to him" he said the smile that always hugged his features non apparent anymore.

"Your uncle?" You asked wishing to get a 'no' as an answer..

"Unfortunately yes !" He said looking down the floor .

After putting on your cloaks , you both made your way out of your room and moved to Lan Qiren's residence.

After a really long chat with him you were free to go NOT REALLY .

He asked Xichen to take you himself to the library in order to make 1.500 copies of the latest book he bought this year.

You sighed again in the thought of the pain your arm will have after finishing this task , only to earn one of Xichen's concerned glances .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

As soon as seating down to your used by many times spot , you grabbed the pen and deeped it into the new-cut ink .

5 hours passed since you first started copying books and despite having nothing actually to do xichen seemed rather occupied.

You gave him a questionable look as you leaned your head in your hands looking to his place .

"You knew that this was going to put you in trouble y/n , why doing such a thing just to prove them wrong?" You raised your head upon hearing this words leaving Xichen's mouth , not formality in them , just casual talking.

" they have been getting on my nerves for more than 2 months I couldn't bear it -" you tried to explain yourself but he interrupted you

" You could have just come to me right from the beginning!" He looked pissed and you sifted in you seat shivering from the tone in his voice .

This man surely had some nerve in him, being more than a head taller than you was something that from the very start make it clear that you could better not get in any trouble with him .

Seeing his genuine and kind nature made you loose down your walls , allowing your heart to form feelings for him and now you are here unable to form a single word without stuttering in between.

" Y/n ? Cant you see it ?" He asked and you gave him a confused face in defense .

"What do you mean-?"

" I - i do care about you y/n , watching the others making your life a living hell including my uncle drives me crazy ! I tried so many times to show you how i feel about you just to give you a shelter, a safe place but you are not getting it " he sighed to himself clearly frustrated.

He removed a strand of hair out of his face looking to your not so calm face that was by now painted in a really deep shade of read .

Being the lil tease he secretly is , he wanted to get you even more freaked out by little .

He looked into your eyes with this calm face of his while saying " I love you y/n " and then returning to his desk and grabbing back his pen .

" I love you too " you said loud enough to even have the bunnies hear too outside , the silence inside the room making an echo to your voice .

In quick realization you moved your palm to your mouth clapping it fast and shutting down the curses about your stupidity that were ready to spill out .

" What ?" He asked in a teasing tone lifting his body higher and then sitting up completely moving to your place until he was studying right in front of you hovering some heads above you and then repeating then same question calmly.

This drove you crazy .

" How can a person be so calm in a situation like that ? " you screamed out loud mostly to yourself before reaching in front you and pinching the skin of his lower thigh .

You looked up to his face as he let out a high peached scream of pain "Lan Xichen you are driving me insane!"

You pinched him again with both hands now only to have him beg to be left in peace "Please y/n don't do this ! " he half laughed half screamed for the poor skin of his legs before reaching down and grabbing both your wrists once you didn't stop after his begs.

You squirmed in his grip before he moved both wrists to his lips , kissing the skin there and putting them back down the surface of your desk .

Your mouth was hanging open , such a big skin contact all of sudden leaving you shooked.

" I have done 14 copies of the book you are copying.. I'm taking a break for now but I'm returning back in 15 minutes straight! You continue your work little girl " he said before blinking his eye to you and moving out of the library .

"Excuse me ?! " you screamed as loud as you could looking both to your wrists and his distant form .

"This man is gonna drive me crazy sooner than I thought " you told yourself before returning to your work .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

It's been 4 days since you started dealing with your punishment and you already have 276 copies ready to go but way more many on the way .

Today is a special day for Gusu lan Clan and it's students so it's the perfect opportunity for you to take a break tonight.

Gusu Lan Clan's biggest has come and you are now getting ready to attention the lantern festival with Wei Wuxian been apart for so many days making you miss him to death .

A sudden knock on the door made you jump on your spot .

Waiting for Wuxian you opened without asking for the person outside.

To your huge surprise there was not Wei Wuxian but Lan Xichen .

" I'm allowed to go in the festival today ! I asked your uncle this morning! You cannot keep me here- " you rushed to say to afraid of loosing your only chance out .

" I'm here to take you out myself so that you can return to the library straight after the ceremony finishes , my uncle has no intention searching for you so he sent me to make sure that there will be no way for you to sneak out " he said calmly giving you a teasing smile .

You looked around searching for Wei Wuxian but there you found him next to Lan Wangji holding a paper lantern together.

You giggled at the view of Wuxian's flashed cheeks when his hand touched Wangji's accidentally.

The moment when all of the lighting lanterns had to fly to the sky arrived so you moved to catch the one in front of you but regretted it at the sight of Xichen doing the same .

You felt shy at your silly mistake don't understanding that the lantern wasn't for you but for him and you bowed in discomfort cursing to yourself for making you look even more stupid to him .. your fucking crush .

" I think this is for the both of us y/n " he told you taking your hands in his making you catch some part of the paper .

" Every one can make a wish as their lantern will make their way up ! I'm sure that each and every wish of yours will be fulfilled in the near future and luck will always saw a good face to you and your loved ones ! This year was one of educational progress, health and wisdom. I hope that all of you will follow the path we Gusu Lan Clan taught you about , a path of righteousness, fairness and virtue. Now I'll count up to 5 so all of you will have to prepare your lanterns! " Lan Qiren announced making you look around for some fire to put in the light .

"One" he started

"Two" the lantern was ready to go so you thought about making a wish

" I wish y/n would give me a chance to prove my sincere feelings for her while living and following the path of the good , avoiding the sinful road and having zero regrets. " the man next to you whispered mostly to himself with closed eyes as he hold onto your lantern tightly.

Your eyes blinked twice the having the man you wish to call yours one day admitting his feelings again .

" I wish I'll become a woman of my status so I can let myself be loved by the man I love without minding if I'll ruin his reputation with my inappropriate image " you whispered to both to him and to yourself, admitting how you really felt with this complicated situation .

You didn't want to change yourself, no not at all, but you just hopped the time could change you into what you could call ideal woman , wife , without feeling much pain in the progress.

It was true , him loving you would ruin his and the Gusu Lan Clan's reputation .

The future Clan Leader having feelings for a punk?

A girl with no manners?

Without a family and depending only on Yumeng Sect and her uncle ?

Sometimes you wished you were different, somewhat like your cousin Yanli but no , in the end you wouldn't be you , you would be someone fake .

You would be someone even more miserable.

You are clearly confused by now .

Shall I change and become what the world around me wants to or be myself and let them talk shit without minding a bit ?

The 1st one is the easy way , but the 2nd one is what will make you struggle but be you at the very last .

"Three " Lan Qiren spoke as you tried to regain your composure and focus .

"Four " all of the disciplines lifted their lanterns up readying them once more .

"Y/n would you like to be the person I call home from now on ?" Xichen asked you .

"I can't-"

" Yes you can ! If there is love in between everything can be worked out !" He cut you

" Is there any love from your side y/n ?" He asked you and you didn't want a second more to know the answer

"Yes there is "

" See ? There is no reason you can't let me love you , call you mine , make you the person I want to return after the storm . I want to be the person you need , you love , I want to be your everything, would you allow me to do that ? "

" Don't you mind I'm who I am ? "

"Five! Let them go and fly high " Lan Qiren called and you did as you were told

"No , I don't . I love you for who you really are y/n not for who I want you to be " Xichen said making you look down the floor to afraid to be loved but at the same time loose who you really love .

"I really like you , no I can say that I love you , everything you do . And all I want is to protect and take you home with me .

Will you come and live in Gusu with me ?

I wanna be with you forever and even though it's really early to say would you like to marry me one day ?

I'm sure that even though you are not my uncle's favorite person out there he will accept the fact that we want to be together.

We can call your uncle to come and set a marriage for us in the years to follow .

I will give you as much time as you feel like taking but I want to make my feelings clear to you from the very beginning.

Would you like to marry me and be the next Gusu Lan Clan's Leader wife ? " he asked always to rushed as his cheeks took a red color painting his pale skin .

"Yes I would love to ! Even if i could marry every man on earth you would be my one and only choice in every lifetime and every dimension I could live , I would choose you again"

You answer him with a little smile in the end as both of you hugged gaining glares from all the people around you .

" Does this mean that we are official?" He asked

"I guess so " you told his hiding you face in his strong torso .

" FELLOW HUMANS IM GETTING MARRIED TO MY BELOVED Y/N I WISH YOU ALL CAN MAKE IT TO OUR MARRIAGE IN THE NEAR FUTURE !" He screamed making you punch him lightly in his lower abdomen as he fake screamed in pain .

" That means that we will be siblings by law y/n?" Wuxian asked while jumping his way to your derection happily

" What do you mean A-Xian?" You asked confused .

" We are getting married too brother !" Lan Wangji said as both yours and Xichen's jaw dropped open .

" Congratulations!" Both of you screamed out loud as you went hugging them .

The four of you hugged while jumping together but then there he came Jiang Cheng.

" That means I'm the only single bird rn? Thanks guys thanks!" He said while glaring at you four .

" No you are not sweetheart!" Nie Huaisang appeared giving Cheng a misiviews smile before hiding his now flashed cheeks behind his fan .

" BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME THAT I'M THAT DESPERATE! I BETTER BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY WEN QING AGAIN RATHER THAN DATING YOU ! " Jiang Cheng screamed in Huiesung's face before storming away in order to search for his short tempered other half Wen Qing .

" There we go again " Wuxian said

" Yes there we go again " you added and the four of you started laughing until tears formed in your eyes and too little oxygen was making it's way into your lungs.

This is the best feeling.

Be with people that you love and love you ,

Without loosing faith in you ,

Without wanting to make you someone else ,

Without wanting to control you

People that love you unconditionally.

————————————————————————————

Please follow & like for more content!

Stay happy & healthy ♡

Be yourself + love yourself.

Hope you enjoyed reading

[hollyhomburg]

I've been a follower of yours for a while and I have to say your work is outstanding and beautiful!! As a writer, what are your main tips and tricks to write a story? Especially since I'm someone who cares WAY too much about what other people will say and think about my work, I would like to know some tippets on how to be a good writer and to improve my skills ☺️

ooooof this is a hard question to answer. i was only going to be a creative writing major for a hot second in college, but i did take one class that was really really helpful about reading stories and being critical about what you liked about them and applying that to your own writing. 

I dont know exactly hot to impart to you to what i learned from the class except for one thing- read, if you want to be a good writer, read a bunch of books and think about them- dont be harsh and bashy with them- but be honest what you like and what you dont.  and i’m using ‘books’ lightly because i read a lot of fanfiction- that's fine too. but dont think youre going to get good at writing just by stewing in your own words for a while. 

most of the time reading is actually also how i get over writer's block, though i am a little bit careful with this, because i find i write alot like what i've just read, and i generally like my style so i try to avoid this. but you to you tbh, 

one of the things that really helped me get over my anxiety about writing was letting people see my stuff. until 3 years ago only one person (one of my teachers from high school) had ever read anything i’ve written. i’d been writing for about 8 years, written hundreds of thousands of words (literally finished 2 books), and had never shown anyone a single chapter. i was incredibly shy posting my stuff even now, because a lot of my stories are incredibly personal and it feels really vulnerable. and then i started posting- and i started to enjoy writing more than i ever thought i could because for the first time i had an audience. ive grown more as a writer in the last three years than i did in the 8 prior to it and i have you guys to thank for that. 

the vast majority of the time the people who have something negative to say about your writing won't even say it. in my nearly 2 years posting fanfiction i’ve gotten maybe 3 or 4 truly negative constructive comments. so dont be worried too much about them, because the people that do love your writing will tell you, and the ones that dont will just move on. this is one of the reasons why i strongly believe love is more powerful than hate. 

these ended up more being like- how to be a writer- vs tips to write a good story to be honest. so i’ll give a few lightning tips for story writing 

characterization is important, if a character is acting shy then calling the main c daddy in the next chapter it won't make much sense to the reader

people have different emotional bandwidths, (some people cry at one thing and others take weeks to explode after something sets the off) adding that variation will make your characters seem less like each other even if they’re similar in personality 

 it helps to have a clear idea of what your characters want and how they’ll change over the story- but it's hard to really pin it down and dont stress too much if you cant find a clear motivation for them- sometimes people dont have clear motivations either. 

if you sense a hole in your story while you’re planning it and sense “i’ll figure it out when i get there” trust me you will not. it breaks my heart when i think of the stories that i've had to abandon because of this. so when you sense it- figure it out, and write it that same day even if you haven't gotten there yet- it will save you pain and alot headaches in the long run. 

coming up with titles is hard as fuck- start a document now of good ones while you can because one day you will run out 

this was long af! hope that helped!

[poony-madfoot]

You're my sunshine

Pairing: Remus x Hufflepuff reader

Warnings: Diabetes!

P.S- I'm new to Tumblr and this is my first ~whatever this is called in Tumblr language~ so please PLEASE let me know what you think. Thanks in advance :)

You're in your sixth year and because you are a even though you're a Hufflepuff, you didn't mind hanging out with just anyone from the school. Even the school cats were your friends (you once fed banana chips to McGonagall without knowing it was her and she ate them). But you particularly liked hanging out with the Marauders. It's not because they were famous, they were just very much like you and you felt very comfortable hanging with them.

So it was that time when James was smitten antlers to head to toe by Lily and so was she, by him. They were the star couple of the school and honestly, at the beginning of their relationship you were kinda jealous that he spent so much time with her and not with you guys, but later Lily joined in the group and now the fun was two fold.

You were popular, but not in a way that everyone would take you as Miss Congeniality(that was Sirius, duh), but you just didn't like to have enemies and often didn't take it to heart when people were mean to you so you just were the cool one who were the same with everyone.

Everyone, except your best friend Remus. Remus knew you inside out, and what you were under those masks you wore when you were in public. You didn't like to get emotional in front of just anyone, and if there's someone whom you could completely trust with your feelings, it was Remus. He thought the same about you and he knew you understood him the most, which was why he never had to even tell you about his furry little problem, you just knew and he knew you knew. You didn't act a tad bit different about it with him after you knew, which made him love you even more.

You knew everything about each other, except how much you were in love with each other. Whenever one of you brought up a little courage to confess, you stopped because you feared the other might not feel the same, hence ruining a perfect friendship you already had. Remus, being the insecure guy that he was, thought he never had a chance with you, since you were friends with everyone. He thought you hung out with him "just as friends". You, on the other hand, thought Remus was everything you've ever dreamed for in a guy. But you knew how brainy and popular(much to his ignorance) he was, so you didn't want to confess and make a fool out of yourself.

So one early February morning, your potions class was somehow cancelled (Sirius and James put stink bombs in Slughorn's wine shelf so James could spend some time with Lily as it was 'Valentine's week', and you all pretended not to be a part of the plan). You were with Remus, under a tree beside the lake, judging passers by and teasing each other about their possible Valentine dates.

"Y/N, look! That guy would be perfect for you!", said Remus with the cutest grin. His nose formed up wrinkles when he smiled mischievously. You adored that deeply. You looked to where he was pointing, to see a tiny little first year, who seemed to have lost his way, scurrying along the corridor. Understanding his mockery of your height, you picked up the hardcover book he was currently reading, that was on the grass in front of him, and smacked him on the shoulder with it.

"Ouch!", he laughed and you joined in.

"Well how about that for Mr.Im-so-tall-you-cant-reach-my-hair?", you said, pointing to an abandoned broomstick perched to a corner of the castle. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Y/N, you can do better than that!"

"Okay, how about that guy?", you said pointing to a black figure that was by the lake which you both knew was Severus. "Luscious, flowing, sexy dark hair, just the way you like!", you said, hitting his shoulder with your elbow.

"Ew!-Snivellus? And by the way, who told you about my preference of hair?", he asked, surprised, and slightly flushed.

"Oh, please! Sirius practically lost all his hair back flipping it while he told everyone at breakfast yesterday.", you chuckled. "You were still asleep then."

"Oh!", he said. "Well it's so weird they almost have the same hair and not just them, Y/N, you have luscious, flowing, sexy dark hair too!", he said winking. You flushed but turned away before he caught you.

"Aw does someone have a teeny crush, there, Moony?", you teased as you tried your best to make puppy eyes.

His cheeks turned a warm red and he couldn't hide them. He smiled, as his left hand went involuntarily to the back of his head, his fingers running through the messy locks of his hair. So adorable, you thought. You just wanted to grab his neck and kiss him on the cheek. There you go again, you thought. These feelings had got to stop. You didn't know if he felt the same. The thought that he might not, and might see you just as a best friend made your insides churn. Your smile quickly disappeared.

He must've noticed this. For he frowned a little, and said, "I don't know, Y/N, but in the coldest of nights, you're my little sunshine. I just can't stop thinking about you."

You stared at him, expressionless.

Reading your face, he mumbles, "I mean- I kn-know you might think that that's weird but maybe- but- like, I mean-"

You kissed him. It lasted for three seconds, but it felt like you found your eternity in them. You both went purple.

"You're my sunshine, too, Remus!"

[abombihoney]

@death-and-reblogs

THANKS. im just filled with thoughts. like, i went on a short research binge on feral children a year or so ago. and like. the research is sparse and infrequent due to morals and ethics so we don't know a lot. but from the few cases we've studied...

the ages 0-6 are SUPER IMPORTANT for healthly developement of a human being. these years are vital. trauma during these years is will last forever even if you don't remember them.

it determines a persons ability to understand language, social behavior, interpersonal relationships, etc.

a feral child reaching adulthood is nigh unheard of. theres only like a single (well known) case. and im not going to get into the nitty gritty of all that bc its fucked up and depressing.

NOW. how this applies to Hoaxe.

Hoaxe was "abandoned" as an infant/toddler. I'm leaning more towards infant based on his size. Based on the fact that he wasn't found until he was at least a teenager, (bc surely someone would have adopted him if theyd found him) we can say that he was isolated his entire childhood and for sure during the critical developmental years.

So- we can say fairly for sure that he did not know how to speak or write when he was introduced to the wasp nest. He had no ideas of social customs or behavior. He probably fought the medical staff before they managed to help him figure out they were there to help him.

Now, realistically, hoaxe at best would have only been able to manage short simple sentences and concepts. if he were human.

also: new au. hoaxe is just the wasps feral little wizard that they have to prevent from setting ppl on fire when hes upset.

since he's a bug, he probably should have turned into a lesser bug. according to the lore books, larvae that arent carefully cared for and are outside the influence of the mother crystal can pupate into lesser bugs.

but we can say that didnt bc crystals. and that he was able to recover as much language/memory/etc skills as he was in the actual game bc he had a fucking crystal dropped on his head. and crystals let u do whatever.

but back on topic on how his feral childhood influenced how he was treated in the hive and gave us the hoaxe we love/hate today:

Since hoaxe looks like a wasp, the medical staff probably presume he has major brain damage, and can no longer speak/understand them. yknow rather than a feral fly who just happens to look like a wasp. so they probably do what they can, get him functioning. set him up with a simple job. just try and reintegrate him yknow.

but, somehow he gets lost in the cracks. or maybe whatever nurse was supposed to take care of him got lazy or cruel. or whatever few friends he made got sent out to active duty (remember. wasps are a very war/fighting centered community) and he was left behind.

So he gets abused. He's an easy target. Acts "weird." Poor speaking ability. Barely knows how to read much less write. No/few friends looking out for him. Perfect for assholes who like to beat people who cant fight back and cant (or dont know how) to report them for it.

of course resentment spreads. of course hes angry. and of course his first idea is to run and get himself safe. thats whatt hes done his whole life. and then choosing violent revenge? where he makes himself strong. and he's learned that the strong control the weak. use them as they see fit. control them. if they didnt want that, well, they should have gotten stronger like he did.

and then he finds out about the everlasting sapling. of course he wants it! it's a way to make himself stronger and immortal and most importantly, safe. he's spent his whole life wanting to be safe. immortality is the ultimate safety net.

Hoaxe is a fun character because this dude singlehandedly killed fucking DEADLANDERS all his life and they really went "yea ur a good janitor". PLUS he also even had latent magic for the crown to bring out like???? they really did look at the most powerful warrior in the kingdom and go "yeah he should clean the floors actually"

did he have latent magic? i thought he got magic from getting his fucking skull crushed in by a crystal.

wait did he kill deadlanders??? hold on. okay no it doesnt seem like he actually killed any, just played the worlds most terrifying game of hide and seek all his life.

i do wonder why the fuck he got the shit beat out of him from other wasps? like i know bullying and abuse doesnt necessarily follow logic but what the fuck was going on there. WHY DID THEY BOTHER TO SAVE HIS LIFE JUST MAKE HIM A PUNCHING BAG

also tbf, cleaning is job that's easy for say, a slightly feral dude to pick up fairly easily. yknow considering he has no education and poor social skills. CAN HE READ wait he read a book i wonder if they taught him to read... somebody had to be nice to this dude for that to happen right? WAIT DID THEY ALSO TEACH HIM TO SPEAK

[starlightbisexual]

Hullo!!! Shy anon here, you're one of my favorite blogs so i was wondering if you happen to have any marvel fic recs? I'm running low and it's summer, so any fic would be appreciated (as long as it's not explicit). Any suggestions? ^^

hi love, you're so sweet thank you!! 

i have about a million fics to rec so this might be a bit long and im gonna put it under the cut. personal faves are marked with an !!!

(when you say “not explicit” i took that to mean they’re not tagged as explicit on ao3. i cant promise that none of these fics contain sex/other mature themes. it’s probably best to always read the tags on each fic just to make sure!)

ofc this list isn’t exhaustive, just the first ones that popped into my head! if you or anyone else wants some more please come ask, i love discussing fics!

those on mobile: note the read more

slide to answer (mature, 6k)

“What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”

lonely houses off the road (teen, 17k)

Barnes is now glaring at him for some reason. It’s somewhat terrifying but also, oddly, a little reassuring— because that’s emotion right there, which means there’s still somebody behind those eyes. Somebody who seems to think Sam is being a bit slow on the uptake. “Time parameters exceeded. Mission failed.”

“Wait.” Sam narrows his eyes. “Is this some kind of… report? Debriefing?”

“Mission report,” confirms Barnes, looking pleased. Well, looking slightly less murderous than before.

In which various people deal with things they never signed up for, but at the end of the day no one’s particularly surprised.

i love you like rlb (teen, 3k)

I love you like rlb has become a well-known, accepted and valuable component of American vernacular. The meaning of the letters ‘rlb’ is unknown, but is uniformly considered to be a statement of a great romantic love, commitment and sacrifice.

It was Dernier as first said it. Steve never imagined that something like that could have survived the war and all the years in between.

In which Tony goes insane trying to figure out why that phrase affects the Cap so much, Bucky teases the press, and Steve and Bucky love each other like rlb.

i was found and now i don’t roam these streets (mature, 15k)

They’ve decided to start producing Bucky Bears again, now that he’s all shiny and redeemed and fighting for good on this big Avengers misfits team. “He has a little shiny gray arm,” Bucky says, wiggling the stuffed arm in question, one of the tweaks made in the new model. It takes Steve a second to realize that Bucky’s got a small smile on his face, actually looks a little bit proud around the eyes.

Or, Bucky relearns himself and how to be on a team, the rest of the Avengers try to get answers, and everyone watches too much Criminal Minds.

roll on (mature, 89k)

In 1938, there’s a bar in Brooklyn called Sully’s where people are safe to be themselves. Behind the bar, a girl pours drinks. She’s always got a big smile for Steve and she says queer like it’s a good thing. On a regular basis, she takes his shoulders in her hands and tries to shake sense into him, saying, “When will you do something about that best friend of yours?”

In 2012, Bucky’s gone, but Steve’s not, and the girl’s hands are too old to shake him. She does her best to make him see sense anyway.

Steve had people who loved him before the war, and it turns out a few of them are still around when he finally comes home.

one cloud feels lonely (mature, 72k, !!!)

“I’m going to take a break for a while,” Steve said quietly, not looking at T’Challa, not knowing that this was what he was gonna do until the words were out of his mouth. “I can’t be on a team right now.”

T’Challa nodded as if he understood. “Alright.”

AKAIn which Steve and Bucky both figure out how to be a person again, and it still takes them over 130 years.

barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth (not rated, 18k, !!!)

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm.2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.)3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

asked and answered (teen, 5k)

“You should marry me, Bucky.”

“What?”

“You should marry me.” Steve said again. “Sister Eustace said that marriage is the purest form of love, and I love you more than anybody. So we should get married.”

Steve and Bucky. Five marriage proposals (and one time they didn’t have to ask).

1917 (mature, 15k, !!!)

Born on March 10th, 1985 at the Brooklyn Hospital Center, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was named after Sergeant Barnes, Captain America’s childhood best friend, who died when he fell off a train in the Swiss Alps.

In 2008, Peggy Carter donates to the Smithsonian letters Captain Rogers wrote to Sergeant Barnes in 1944—

After he fell.

Some lives are eternally entwined.

to be vunerable is needed most of all (mature, 118k)

Steve is a shy comic book artist and meets his new neighbour, Bucky Barnes.

In which there are awkward longings, meddling best friends, comic conventions, heartache, lemons, video games, dorkiness, dancing and two cute boys.

there should be stars (teen, 45k)

“All memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.But sometimes there were good times.Love was good. I loved your crooked sleepbeside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great warslike ours. There ought to be awardsand plenty of champagne for the survivors.”- Sandra Cisneros

Or, it takes them decades.

fever dream (mature, 9k)

“Buck.” Steve says, soft as he can, so he won’t start to cough again. The light from the stove hits his face just right, makes his eyes light up bright, spring sky blue. Bucky’s head aches just looking at him.

1942, in fits and starts.

they say love is a virtue (mature, 22k)

“I have a bet,” Tony announces to the room. He stands up, repeating himself a few times so that everyone is forced to stop the game and look up at him. He looks straight into Bucky’s eyes when he goes, “I bet you fifty dollars that you and Steve can’t spend a whole week pretend married without realizing that you’re both in love with each other.”

the smithsonian guard (gen, 8k)

Bucky makes a friend.

cross this river to the other side (teen, 14k)

Here is the truth about Captain America and the Howling Commandos that every World War II historian must come to accept at one point or another: we will never know everything. We won’t even come close.

So much was lost with the untimely death of Captain America. While the man beneath the uniform sunk to the bottom of the North Atlantic, the myth lived on, only to grow bigger and more unwieldy as the years went by. Now, it is near impossible to tell fact from fiction, to separate out truth from propaganda.

In 1943, the Howling Commandos wrote goodbye letters to be given to their loved ones in the event of their deaths.

In 2014, Sharon Carter finds those letters in a tin can in an abandoned HYDRA base.

captain fantastic and the pineapple king (teen, 30k, !!!)

Shit.She hadn’t noticed him yet. Maybe he could turn and leave without them noticing – Sam would understand. Sam was the most empathetic person he knew. He wouldn’t scold Steve for coming home spice-less to avoid an awkward encounter with an ex. Surely.They drew closer.Fuck.Please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me…"Steve?”Fuck.In which Steve is saved from his ex in a grocery store, Bucky Barnes is Way Too Chill about absolutely everything, and Sam has had enough of all of these goddamn pineapples in his fucking house.Or: The five times Steve received a pineapple (and one Piña Colada) and the one time he didn’t

haha, jk (teen, 13k)

(A tale of Not Unrequited Love)

Steve: I love you.Bucky: oh no.(and other fallacies)

Bucky learns to never say never when it comes to the effect his best friend can have.

apes debemus imitari (we should imitate the bees) (gen, 15k)

Steve operates a fruit & veg stand at a farmer’s market. Bucky keeps bees and has started up a honey shop just opposite. They’re failing to get along. Steve gets along a lot better with the anonymous friend he’s been writing letters to. In fact, he’s rapidly falling for him.

it’s no coincidence (teen, 109k)

The kids immediately scream, “Trick-or-Treat” before they see who opens the door.

The strange resident looks between the two kids, then at the adults, and his eyes widen in horror.

“It’s October already?”

Okay, Bucky thinks. This guy is probably high.

don’t ask (mature, 21k, !!!)

Captain America and Bucky Barnes were like brothers. Everyone knew that.

most ardently (teen, 9k)

Baron Grant, nothing more than a small, sickly country gentleman with no fortune and very little to recommend him, has just poured a glass of claret over Duke Barnes, a wealthy lord with the world at his feet.

[mermaidvenom]

🌿   Where are you isolated? (Country or city too if you like):  England Newcastle upon tyne

🌿 What are you currently reading or watching?: reading: peaky blinders the real story a historical book about the real gangs of Birmingham watching whatever pops up on my YouTube that I haven't seen, also watched the happy prince about Oscar wilde’s life after he got out of prison (nearly brought me to tears and since I'm dead inside that takes a lot) but it also made me want to read the happy prince I'm currently waiting for the fan movie sequel to Detroit awakening , Detroit evolution to be posted on YouTube I kind of abandoned the dbh fandom for good omens/the arcana game but I know as soon I watch that 75 minuet movie I'm going to be thrown straight back into that fandom faster than Connor can say he's the android sent by cyberlife.

🌿 If you can go outside, I cant go outside well I can but just in the garden which is really no fun at all and normally id take Jonesy for company but now we even have to keep cats indoors because a Tiger caught the corona virus 

🌿 Any fascinating concept you’re studying?: I decided to take up my witchcraft again I am currently creating my first book of shadows and started a blog about it so I can keep it separate from my fandom blog also I finally found what magical name I am going to go by after years of trying.

🌿 What kinds of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing?: I'm thinking of finally stopping being a coward and starting up my YouTube channel the only thing is with this lockdown my parents are home an awful lot and I don't have a lot of privacy when they are home like no one seems to know what knocking is so I have to time my recording days on one of the rare days they aren't in the house so currently I have been monitoring when they go out to do their emergency shops and take hours doing it because of the whole having to line up and have gaps between shoppers thing

🌿 A song/s that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?: honestly for context its just easier to link it 

 https://youtu.be/fp-52d4HxtY

🌿 Favourite impulsive/’bad’ coping techniques?: not going to sleep until 3am in the morning and panicking a lot @ anyone who wants to do it I'm too hot to tag anyone its not good weather for gingers in England this weekend 

QUARANTINE SURVEY

Tagged by @boowoomuu , thanks for the tag!!! 💛

🌿   Where are you isolated? (Country or city too if you like): New Jersey, USA

🌿 What are you currently reading or watching?: Reading Days of Destruction Days of Revolt by Chris Hedges and Joe Sacco and Intelligent Disobedience by Ira Chaleff, watching YouTube videos when I have time (unlike most people, I'm actually really busy during this whole quarantine mess)

🌿 If you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time?: I do homework and volunteer/activism/stuff with the Sunrise Movement outside when I can

🌿 Any fascinating concept you’re studying?: Oh, yes. I'm learning about politics, civil disobedience, human rights, how to build a movement, climate change, and music theory, which I find all very interesting and which I'm super excited about!!!

🌿 What kinds of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing?: (Slowly) writing an RPG called Function(Free Will) set 110 years in the future. It follows the story of three characters who rise up against a dictatorship and call for a revolution, and it focuses around human rights, equality, freedom, empathy, and morality. I'm having a lot of fun designing characters, setting, plot, etc., but I'm finding I have to do a lot more research (and when I mean a lot, I mean A LOT) than I initially thought! I've been taking courses on the environment and social movements, doing weeks worth of research on psychology, sociology, technology, creative writing, movements in history, and more. In addition to all that, I'm also working on an album about issues I care about (and that are, y'know, really important), and so far I think I have something really cool that I want to share with the world (and hopefully inspire others to take action!)

🌿 A song/s that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?: "Hope For The Underrated Youth" by YUNGBLUD (you should listen to it, it's such a good song)

🌿 Favorite impulsive/’bad’ coping techniques?: Not taking care of myself (ex. not eating until 4pm because you completely forgot that food existed and you need it to survive)

Tagging @assortedyeets @thetalentedmsripleysworld @my-sins-might-be-your-tragedies @mywigglybaby @russianblue22 and anyone else who wants to join in, only if you want to! 💛💛💛