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the-insomniac-emporium · 4 years ago

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Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 12 FINALE

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: Nope! Notes: How lovely it has been, to go on this journey with you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to every person who has liked, reblogged, or left a kind comment on this story. Combined, you all have genuinely changed my life. I'm writing more than ever, more consistently, and I'm having a blast. So if you like this story, and wish it wasn't ending, well... maybe don't worry too much. There will be a sequel of sorts, same timeline but new reader, instead focusing on Cassandra. Also oops this is hella long. And mostly dialogue. Past Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2: Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco, Pt. 6: Elegy, Pt. 7: Harmony, Pt. 8: Obbligato, Pt. 9: Berceuse, Pt. 10b: Hymn AMAB, Pt 11: Cadence

Chapter 12: Cadence (Reprise)

(Cadence: Two chords that mark the end of a song)

Truth be told, she had never expected much of anything to come from this. ‘Twas not that she thought her daughter to be talentless, or that she denied the capabilities of the servant-turned-teacher, rather that she knew just how difficult it was to keep Daniela’s attention for any measure of time. Even as the weeks went by with undeniable progress, there was a part of her awaiting the collapse of it all. How long would this instructor last? How long before they were drained of blood, either for some perceived insult, or merely out of boredom? Surely, in the end, Alcina would not need to lift a single finger.

And yet here she was, at the end of a concert, pride roaring within her chest. What had she missed? What clues had eluded her, what had changed within her child’s nature? She knew that there were hints of deeper affections, fragments of a would-be love, but she had thought them miniscule. Thought that those feelings were doomed to crash and burn, unable to live up to the expectations set by decades of romance novels. Well, maybe they had failed. Maybe, somehow, Alcina had missed something else entirely.

The thought might have sent a shiver down her spine, if she weren’t so readily distracted by praising her youngest child… or by the looming shadow of a life-changing revelation.

“Mother… we need to talk. I… I have a confession to make,” Daniela explains, hesitantly slow, but with a conviction she rarely ever showed. Taken aback by the unexpected announcement, Alcina pauses, silently awaiting some form of elaboration. Instead, Daniela takes her hand, pulling her towards a set of chairs. They sit gingerly, each feeling the weight of terrifying possibilities upon their shoulders. When she at last continues speaking, she does so without a trace of showmanship or false bravado, trading it in for heartfelt sincerity. “I love them. All of this- these lessons, this concert- has been for them. For my sweet, innocent little songbird.” So here it was, the birthplace of her fears, brought forth from her mind into reality.

“I was afraid you would say that,” Alcina muses, leaning back into the chair with a deep sigh. Something itches in the back of her throat, and she yearns for her pipe, or even just a normal cigarette to distract herself. Without one, she is left to metaphorically chew on her thoughts. Realistically, there has to be some way to deal with this, some way that she can convince her daughter of the sheer foolishness of this mess. “Daniela… how can I put this in a way you will understand, hmm?… The two of you have only known each other for three months. There is no chance that you truly love them, or them you. How close can you possibly have become?”

“When have I cared about anything for three whole months? I dedicated myself to-” Daniela is cut off by the sound of the door opening, revealing the rest of her little family. It was guaranteed that they would have heard the conversation from outside, seeing as they were all inhuman, though they perhaps intended to intervene. A single hard glance from both of the room’s occupants convinces them to change their minds. “Wait, Ava, can you get us some tea, please? Something tells me I’ll need a soothing drink soon.” Hesitating in the doorway, the butler in question eyes the both of them, naturally tempted to stay and fill the role of a therapist.

“I do believe my daughter gave you an order, Ava. Don’t tell me you have forgotten the stipulations of your agreement with Mother Miranda?” Alcina interjects. With that said, the butler finally moves, exiting with an apologetic bow. An awkward silence hangs in the air once xe closes the door behind xerself, as Daniela takes a moment to recall her place.

“Three months is a long time for me. I put all of my energy towards both them and what they taught me, almost every single day. Even when their work kept them busy for too long, I still practiced, because I wanted to make them proud! For all my flirting, I’ve never bonded with anyone this way before now,” she says, hating the way her voice gets a little shaky. No matter how much confidence she has in her own writing, it is another thing entirely to be convincing out loud, with a truth she had been hiding for so long. All of her practice had been with lies. Now she had to contest with the hope that the strength of her emotions would be enough. “That song we played together, at the end, they wrote that for me. Doesn’t that mean something?”

“Oh, my dear… I want you to be happy more than anything. But we both know that your ‘history’ is stained with a number of incidents. You have always been absorbed within those books you read, and the fantasies that they provide for you. It is one thing to enjoy these stories on the side, but another matter entirely to let them corrupt your relations with others. As your mother, it is my duty to keep you safe, first and foremost,” Alcina proclaims, sitting up straighter, trying not to let her frown evolve into a full out scowl. Beneath the table, her hands ball into fists, clutched tight to stop herself from breaking the table. In the back of her mind she could think of little other than dismembering that damned piano instructor. Focusing on the discussion at hand, she takes a deep breath before finalizing her point. “You don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, nor what it feels like. Your books are not ideal models for reference. One- or both- of you are going to end up suffering, and that is something I cannot allow, regardless of how ‘happy’ they make you before then.”

“You’re right,” Daniela whispers in defeat… or a feigned version of it. A split second later she’s making eye contact with her mother again, lips curling up into a smile. “I didn’t want to admit it, especially not to someone as attractive, talented, and charming as my Songbird, but I didn’t have to. They understood from the very start. We talked about it, about my expectations and my shitty behavior, and we worked on it. We’re still working on it. Maybe there will be bumps along the way, just like in every relationship, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it in the end. What we have is still real, and they make me want to be a better woman. I know they’ve already helped me make the change.”

Once more the door opens, making the conversation pause, as Ava near-silently brings in the requested tea. If a pin had dropped at that moment, it would have felt as ear-shattering loud as a gong. Every second that passed felt like it dragged on, stretched out by the tension in the room, as though xe was moving in slow motion. The ‘clink’ of ceramic against the table makes xer flinch, almost spilling the tea. Neither Alcina nor Daniela react, or even acknowledge xer presence with anything more than their eyes, instead remaining impassive until xe makes a hasty retreat.

“Use what you’ve learned on someone else, then. Perhaps another one of Miranda’s experiments will someday provide a suitable match. But this ‘songbird’ of yours? They’re nothing. A human, a servant, they are not worth your time, nor are they worth mine. No matter what words or songs they weave, or illusions of grandeur they show you, you will end up getting bored of them. I’m afraid it is inevitable, my dear,” Alcina says, as soon as the door is closed once more. Then she attends to her tea, with the composure of someone convinced that they had just won an argument. On the other hand, Daniela was not so quick to give in, some of her worry melting into anger.

“How can you say that? How can you be sure? We were all human, once! Even Mother Miranda was human. And my Songbird is no mere human- they are wondrous, with flowery prose and lovely melodies, with soft-lipped smiles and reassuring eyes, and don’t even get me started on how beautiful they are!” She rambles, voice getting louder with every word. All at once it is too much for Alcina, who sets down her glass a little too hard, nostrils flaring as she stares at her daughter. When Daniela speaks again, she does so with love coating her tone. “We have weathered each other’s anxieties with no signs of stopping. I promised that we would weather yours.”

“I only want you to be happy. I need you to understand where I am coming from. This may be your longest lasting infatuation so far, but you have yet to honestly convince me that this is any different from your past ‘distractions’. I’m sorry, Daniela, I simply cannot allow this to continue,” Alcina sighs, hating to break her youngest daughter’s heart like this. There was only one thing that Daniela had yet to try. Maybe two, if she was willing to resort to begging.

“Can’t you trust me enough to give us a chance? Cassandra of all people seems to understand. Bela went as far as to lie to you, for our sake! She never does anything she thinks will hurt me, or you, or any of us. Please, mother, please. How can you ever know if what I have will last, if you cut it down now? Are you going to wait forever for some ‘perfect candidate’ for me? And what if that person loves someone else? Or what if the ‘perfect’ person doesn’t exist! What if we’re stuck waiting for them like Mother Miranda waits for another child, hmm? Would you have me spend another century alone, my only memory of genuine romance being poisoned by the thought that you broke us apart?” Daniela’s words ring throughout the chamber, echoing a damning accusation, somehow more bitter than the taste they left in her mouth.

All at once, Alcina’s heart takes a hit like no other. Her hands damn-near tremble, her lungs ache, her lips purse, and her brow furrows. So be it, she thinks.

“Bring this ‘Songbird’ here. Let me talk to them.”

—————————

Goddess, you are practically vibrating at the speed of sound, palms sweaty, nervousness trashing your mind. What the hell had Daniela done? Last thing you knew, she was determined to keep your secret, even if meant being unable to celebrate with you. But now you were getting tugged along by her, while tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She had said something about “mother” and “important”. That was all the context that you had been given. When you round one last corner, pulling up in front of Lady Dimitrescu’s study, you are shown a sight that somehow makes you feel worse: Bela, Cassandra, and Ava are all resting outside of the room. They appear exhausted, and motion for you to be quiet as you approach.

“They’ve been listening in on our conversation,” Daniela admits with a whisper. Then she’s pulling you into the study, ensuring that the door doesn’t open wide enough for the eavesdroppers to get spotted. Something told you that Alcina was already well aware of their presence. “Alright, mother, here is my Songbird. What did you want to ask us?”

“Daniela… leave us. My questions are for ‘Songbird’ alone,” Alcina replies, seemingly confirming the absolute worst of your fears. This was where you would die. By her hand, without your lover by your side, after what could have been the happiest night of your life. Of course. But Daniela is not willing to go without a fight. As soon as the words leave her mother’s mouth, she is moving between the two of you, just as she had when she first called you her teacher. Before she can speak, her mother stands up and stares her down. “Don’t make me ask again- there will not be a third time.” When she still hesitates, it is your turn to be brave.

“Hey, it’s okay, we’ll be okay,” you promise her, reaching out to take her hand. Instantly she’s returning to your side, hand cupping your cheek, eyes filled to the brim with sadness. “Firefly… ‘Tell me love, we shall last until the end of days’. I love you. Nothing is going to change that, not now, not ever. We’ll be okay.” Maybe not now, you think, but you’ll be okay eventually. Cassandra and Bela, and Ava I suppose, will make sure of it.

“Okay. We’ll last until the end of days. I love you too,” Daniela says, swallowing the lump in her throat. With one last kiss she pulls away, wishing that her departure didn’t feel so much like a betrayal. She pauses in the doorway, meeting your gaze, unable to bring herself to move until you give her an accepting nod. The door swings into place with a click, sealing the room and your fate.

“So,” Alcina begins, returning to her seat as she does. For now you stay standing, unsure of just about every part of this situation, especially your upcoming role in it. “You have been deceiving me. That alone is a crime worthy of severe punishment, and yet you stooped so low as to do far, far more. I had hoped you had, somehow, managed to teach my daughter a real lesson, that you had inspired a love of music in her, that you had made an honest difference in the way she learns. But all this time… it has been nothing more than a ruse.” The last word comes out dipped in venom, acidic enough to make you flinch. Thankfully, your beloved was not the only person who had a gift with words. More than that, this was a topic that you had spent numerous nights thinking about, making you as prepared as you could ever hope to be.

“You know, as much as I desire to claim that I am that interesting, or that Daniela felt so strongly from the very start, I can do no such thing. The truth is this: Music is what brought us together in the first place. It was the catalyst for our first real interaction, the first time she ever looked at me as more than just another servant or bloodbag. We bonded because of it, and so when we went to play together, to learn, Daniela honestly did connect to it,” you explain, despite the fire in Alcina’s expression. To your surprise, she does not interrupt you, and you take it as permission to keep going. Which was very good, considering that being nervous only made you ramble more. “Music is something we’ve shared for the entirety of our relationship. Even if it’s not something she would do much of on her own, I know that she’s grown to care for it more than she might be willing to admit. And, well…

“Even if you decide that what I’ve done is unforgivable, even if I’m destined to die within the hour, I know in my heart that everything the two of us worked on still matters. Because, like it or not, she is capable of growth, of change, of progress. And even if I die, someone else will come afterwards. Daniela will get to use music as a way to forge connections for the rest of her life, now that she knows it works, now that she knows how it works. And every goddamn time that she plays, or Bela plays, or you play, she’s going to remember me. She’ll remember every moment we spent together, every piece we ever played. I’ll live on in the melodies we made. In the song that you can’t quite place, that gets stuck on loop in your head. In the song the maids sing to themselves between shifts. In the quiet evening when the rain against the window feels so much like a familiar rhythm that your daughters can’t help but start humming along, without even thinking, muscle memories in sync.”

“Are you trying to convince me that there’s no point in killing you? That, regardless, you will be in my life until the end of time?” Alcina’s eyes are narrowed, but there isn’t even a hint of anger in her tone. Just curiosity.

“No, not really. Guess I’m just making peace with my fate the best way I know how- by remembering the echoes I’ll leave behind,” you answer, pausing to wipe a few tears from your eyes. All you can think about is how much Daniela will miss you. How much pain you think she’ll go through. Because at this point, who are you trying to fool with your hope? Yourself, or the people listening?

“Hmm. I think I understand. Now, tell me… what was that you said to my daughter a minute ago, before she left the room? It sounded familiar, though I cannot place it,” Alcina questions, idly toying with her glass of tea. You’re not entirely sure why it matters to her, but you have no qualms delaying the inevitable by answering. Besides, it was a chance to talk about how much you loved Daniela (and you’d never skip such an opportunity).

“It’s a line from a poem she wrote for me. “Tell me love, we shall last until the end of days”. A promise. The song Daniela and I played together… I wrote it in response. My way of doing what she asked of me, I guess. Like I said, she’ll always have the music we shared,” you answer, unable to stop yourself from smiling.

“Damn this… I can hardly believe I am asking this, yet I feel I have no choice: Tell me, do you love my daughter? Do you honestly, with your entire being, desire a future with her? Or was this a game of survival you couldn’t afford to lose, that turned out to be more ‘fun’ than you had anticipated? Show me your heart, as it is, bare as it would be if I tore it from your chest, this very moment.” There’s no room for argument in her voice, using the very same tone she reserved for maidens who got a tad too close to refusing her.

“Alright. It was a game. At first. Daniela wanted a distraction, something to entertain her. I didn’t want to die, like I had heard so many of her ‘playmates’ did. I can’t tell you when things changed, at least not for her,” you confess, with a shaky breath. Did that make you a monster? One worthy of death? If so, you wondered if it actually made you more fit to date Daniela. “For me… I just remember her smiling wide at me, hand on my cheek, having just cracked some lame joke. Next thing I knew, well, I knew. We had a spark of something, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to make her happy, you know? All the sudden there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I just wanted to see that smile again, everyday for the rest of my life.

“To answer your question: Yes. Goddess, yes. A thousand times yes. A ‘yes’ for every smile she’s ever shown me, for every butterfly in my stomach, for every time she’s held my hand, for every breath she’s stolen from my lungs, and for every single time my heart has skipped a beat in her name. I love her. I know we haven’t been together long, but the things I feel are undeniable. I will give her every part of myself, for as long as she wants me, for as long as I am blessed to live,” you pour your heart out, weaving your heartbeat into every turn of phrase, spilling your lifeblood onto the very conversation.

“And what will you do if she does change her mind? If she grows bored of you, as she has done with a dozen others?” Alcina counters without hesitation.

“I will weep. I will fall to my knees, and mourn this beautiful thing. But I will cherish every memory she leaves to me. Every moment where I am hers is a moment worth living, worth remembering. It will be better to have loved her with all my heart for a little slice of her immortality, than to love another, lesser so, for all of my life.” With that, Alcina sets her empty glass of tea onto the table, eying you with an unreadable expression. Something seems to stir in her chest, and at last the mask crumbles. She smiles.

“I see. Daniela, you may come back in now. Do not bother pretending that you have not been eavesdropping.” Not even a full second passes before the door opens, revealing a shaking Daniela, both of her sisters quite visible behind her (though they quickly move out of frame, leaving behind Ava, who gives a cheesy thumbs up as the door closes in xer face). She rushes to your side, taking your hand, looking stunned that you were still alive. But what shocks her more is what her mother says… “Of all the women I have ever known, family or otherwise, you are, perhaps, the most determined. Normally only in… ‘spurts’. Yet here you are, defying what I have come to expect of you. It almost feels as if I have been fooling myself this whole time, falsely believing that there is more than one possible outcome. So, ‘Songbird’, I say this: Three months ago, I agreed to give you a chance to prove yourself worthy of my daughter, for the sake of her happiness. Now, I suppose it is only fair that I do so once more.”

“Wait. Are you saying-” Daniela is once again cut off by her mother, who seems eager to avoid a trademark rant.

“Yes, yes I am. For the time being, the two of you have my blessing. I cannot say that I am entirely convinced of your chances at success, but, having seen the strength of your affections for one another, I sincerely hope that you will prove me wrong. Now come here, Daniela. I never got to finish telling you what I thought of your concert…”

—————————

In the glowing comfort of your girlfriend’s room, with the fireplace keeping things warm and cozy, you lay with your head against Daniela’s chest. One of her hands absentmindedly plays with your hair, and you release a sigh of bliss. Ava had assured you that xe would let Daphne know the good news, as xe thought that having one of the castle ladies visiting the servants’ quarters might cause a stir (and Daniela was far from willing to let go of you so soon). Now the two of you were just enjoying time holding each other close. Regardless of Alcina’s concerns, you knew that everything would be looking up from here. Assuming that Daniela didn’t have any more surprise confessions to involve you with.

“That was one hell of a surprise, Firefly. But I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore. I love you, and I don’t know how long I could have survived without being open with it,” you say, a light teasing to your voice. Beneath you, Daniela chuckles, but holds you just a bit tighter. Then she places the softest of kisses to your forehead. “I’m always gonna love you, Firefly.”

“Until the end of days?” She asks, in a delighted whisper, grin practically audible.

“Until the end of days.”

—————————

Elsewhere in the castle, a caring mother takes another long, hungry drink from her glass of wine, staring intently into the fireplace. By her side is a silver-haired servant, who wordlessly watches her every move.

“There’s still a chance that this will all end horribly. Only time will tell, of course… but I can’t help worrying for her, she’s my daughter,” Alcina proclaims, gripping the glass hard enough for a web of cracks to form along its bell. But it does not fully shatter. No, it remains just steady enough to still be of use to her. For now. “Of course, you knew about this all along, didn’t you, Ava?... I know that you value how close you are with my children, and I know that they trust in you as much as I do… but if there are relationships or entanglements that I am unaware of, I expect you to tell me, or there will have to be consequences, regardless of your affiliation with Mother Miranda. Do you understand?”

Sighing, the mute servant pulls a notebook from xer pocket, opening it up to pen in a fresh script. There’s much tension in the air, and it only gets worse when Alcina catches a glimpse at what the note reads. As xe hands it to her, she scowls, and the wine glass fully breaks into countless shards. Immediately, Ava gets to work, picking up the largest of fragments with xer bare hands, refusing to complain about the resulting cuts. All the while Alcina stares into the fire, thoughts racing, wondering if maybe this time she could end her daughter’s problem before it was too late. Beginning to brainstorm ideas, she sets the notebook aside. Inside, in perfectly penned cursive, is a very, very dangerous piece of knowledge. The sort that could affect not only Castle Dimitrescu, but the entire village.

“In that case… there’s something you need to know about Cassandra- and Mother Miranda’s lovely little ‘pet’.”

#daniela dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu #resident evil: village #re8 village #it's really here lads #this is it #gonna go cry now #oh my god #i can hardly believe it

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lettrespromises · 4 years ago

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#LettresPromises informs you : You have three notifications.

──➤ Nikki sent you a love letter to celebrate +400 followers, would you like to read it?

𝐈 - 𝐀 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔.

❝dear reader, first and foremost, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me, yet again, to achieve this milestone. it’s very cliché to say but i would have never been able to reach such an important without your input— each like, each comment, each question, each reblog, each reading of my work gives me the greatest joy and i wish i could be able to share with you the level of happiness coursing through my mind every time it happens. what i can do, however, is to thank you my own way by writing for you, if you’ll let me. you will see a succession of prompts separated in three categories fluff/angst/smut (please, be assured to be 18 or above to request this category), so send me a love letter with a number, a category, and the recipient of your letter (the included verses are haikyuu, one piece, my hero academia and naruto, and of course, here is a reminder that i also write for women.) and in return, i will send you a love letter right back. thank you, once again, for everything.

sealed with an everlasting kiss, nikki.❞

𝐈𝐈 - 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓.

dear @sasukelore, you’ve been my first friend on here and i’m still wondering how you can handle my dumb ass. i love you and respect you more than words will ever be able to say although i don’t say it a lot, thank you for always being here for me, you’re my safe person.

dear @amoroushero, where to start? the amount of love you’ve given me is too much to fit inside my smol body and i’m still in awe that you, a writer i’ve always looked up to even before starting my blog, is estimating me so much. i wish i could give you all the love in the world because you deserve nothing but the absolute best.

dear @toorusushijima, wife *insert the discord blushing emoji* never did i once think i’d be able to grow so close to someone in so little time and i just have this lingering feeling that i’ve known you since forever. words fail to describe how much i genuinely care about you and how much i love you, you’re a pure gem.

dear @kyojuroandcie, here again, i have absolutely no idea how you managed to keep up with all my bullshit this far. you have all the qualities one could dream of and i’m reminded everyday of how lucky i am to have you in my life when you barely breathe. i shall protect you at all costs, je t’aime si, si fort.

dear @aomineavenue, the first thing which comes to my mind as soon as i think about you is the urge to scream how much i love you and how much i wish i could squeeze the life out of you in a loving embrace. you make me the happiest person on a daily basis and i wish i could give you half of the serotonin you’ve given me. i love you more than kuroo tetsurou.

dear baby thots, my heart is weighing so much from all the love i have for you. every one of you, individually, is worthy of so much love and happiness. i hope one day i will be able to repay you for all the love you’ve given me, in the meantime, just know that i will cherish your presence forever, thank you for being yourselves and thank you for becoming my second home. (i hope you’ll be able to forgive me for the lack of singularity but i mean that for each and every single one of you, and i’m sending so much love to lumi, maya, skye, jeanie, jen, sol, eli and vale in particular, my heart belongs to you.)

𝐈𝐈𝐈 - 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.

to celebrate this new milestone, and as explained earlier, i have made a list of prompts separated in three categories : fluff, angst and smut.

there will be 15 slots open. you may only demand a letter from one character at the time, please make sure to always specify the category you are picking from and ensuring you have reached the legal age to demand for smut. as for the angst prompts, you can (if you wish) demand a good or bad ending.

the available verses are : haikyuu, one piece, my hero academia and naruto, and i write for both men and women.

here is the list of the prompts, i cannot wait to receive your love letter and have a correspondance with you:

𝐈 - 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅

#1 “Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?” #2 “It’s you, it always has been.” #3 “Kiss me.” #4 “You should probably go home.” “But I’m already home.” #5 “You’re an idiot.” “But you love me.” #6 “You took all the pillows so I’m using you as one.” #7 “Could you say that again?” “Were you not listening?” “No I was, I just like hearing your voice.” #8 “I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much.” #9 “Can you just please hold me?” #10 “Are you blushing?” #11 “Do you want me to carry you?” #12 “Will you marry me?” #13 “I’ve been in-love with you since we were kids.” #14 “I’m never going to leave you. I promise.” #15 “Why are you wearing my sweater?” “Because it smells like you.” #16 “I just want to be there for you.” #17 “I couldn’t get you out of my mind.” #18 “You look so beautiful.” #19 “You are crushing me right now.” #20 “Stay.”

𝐈𝐈 - 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓

#1 “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.” #2 “But it’s my fault right?” #3 “I don’t want to feel this. I want to be numb again.” #4 “You’re lying to me again. Why can’t you just tell me the truth for once?” #5 “I love you.” “No you don’t” #6 “I can’t lose you.” “You already did.” #7 “Did it mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you?” #8 “I loved you.” “Then why did you let (her/him/them) get in between us?” #9 “Any other lies left to tell me?” #10 “When did you stop loving me?” #11 “I was happier with you.” #12 “I loved you. I loved you so so much but you hurt me.” #13 “Lie to me. I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again.” #14 “You broke me.” #15 “Sorry doesn’t fix everything.” #16 “I don’t need help! I need an end to this pain.” #17 “What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.” #18 “I can’t keep playing pretend.” #19 “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.” #20 “I wish we never met.”

𝐈𝐈𝐈 - 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓

#1 “You’re being so good to me, baby, taking every inch of me.” #2 “Let me taste you on my tongue.” #3 “I want to mark you down with bites and hickeys until everyone knows who you belong to.” #4 “Don’t talk, just spread your legs.” #5 "Mind if I join?” #6 “Do you trust me?” #7 “Let daddy take care of you, baby.” #8 “I’ll take it slow, there’s no rush.” #9 “Keep doing that and you’ll get punished.” #10 “Want me go to harder?” #11 “Look at me in the eyes and say my name, my real name.” #12 “You love being tied up, don’t you?” #13 “You can take all of me, I know you can.” #14 “You’re begging already?” #15 “Look at what you’re doing to me.” #16 “Does it look like I give a damn if someone hears us?” #17 “I can keep doing this ‘till daylight.” #18 “I knew you could do it, good job.” #19 “You. Bed. Naked. Now.” #20 “I want you to take control.”

#nikki’s celebration

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rebelminxy · 6 years ago

Text

It’s in the Little Things

Pairing: Jared Padalecki x Reader

Warning: Fluff, pure fluff, and mention of heartbreak

A/N: This will be the first of five pieces I am doing for Bug’s 100 follower challenge (or @1000roughdrafts if y’all didn’t know)! Again, congrats on reaching 100 and can’t wait to watch you grow even more darling! Hope you enjoy what I post in honor of your celebration! Prompt will be in bold. Of course, this is done for purely fiction purpose only. Much love and respect to the Padalecki family.

Six months.

It took six months for Jared to make a small crack at the wall around your heart. When you got the job at the Family Business Beer Company, your best friend almost had a heart attack. She was a huge fan of the show, Supernatural, and made you watch all 13 seasons. You thought it was a good show but nothing to make you go hoopla like her. Even your boss, Danneel Ackles, had asked first and foremost if you were a fan of the show. But you made it clear you were there to work, proving it when Jensen came in one day and all you did was greet him, moving back quickly to continue cleaning the counter. It was when he returned a few months later while on hiatus that you met Jared Padalecki.

He really was a gentle giant like your best friend said. After a quick ‘hello’ and handshake, you couldn’t help but admire his wide smile. Made you wish you could smile like him. All carefree and without a second thought. He would come in almost every day to hang out with your bosses, behaving childlike when he was bored. Whenever fans would come in, you would watch how he and Jensen would willingly take pictures and sign things for them, thank them for coming by and to enjoy the place. Every fan would tell you how lucky you were to work there. But luck wasn’t in your vocabulary.

Well, not at first.

“Hey, (Y/N),” Danneel said as you counted the register for the night. “We are throwing a barbecue at my place tomorrow, maybe take a boat out on the river behind the house. You are welcome to join us.”

“Umm, I think it would be best for me to catch up on some stuff I need to do since it’s an off day.”

“C’mon (Y/N), you have been working here for the past six months and have yet to attend to one of our get-togethers. Just come by for an hour or two and enjoy the company a bit.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive! Jay and I would love to have you over. The kids have been dying to show you their rooms and…Jared will be there,” Danneel said that last part playfully.

“Would be nice to see the kids…”

Danneel sighed and patted you on the shoulder.

“Tomorrow at four, ok. Don’t forget your bathing suit either.”

====================

When you arrived at the Ackles home, it didn’t really surprise you how big and beautiful their home was. They immediately welcomed you into their home, JJ and the twins guiding you around as they gave you a tour. You couldn’t help but feel how homely it was, reminding you of the days back when you still lived at home with your parents. Jensen and Danneel were out on the patio cooking while you played with the kids in the living room. You enjoyed spending time with them, growing to love them very quickly. That’s when you all heard a knock at the door. JJ ran towards it, you get up to follow the child to watch her. When you reached the front door, you watch as Jared lifts little JJ in his arms and twirls her in the air, her screams of joy causing you to smile.

“You really do know how to smile.”

You shook your head quickly to stop from smiling.

“No, no, don’t stop because I noticed. It’s just, I never got to see you smile. Danneel was right, you do have a beautiful smile.”

You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips, couldn’t ignore how hot your face was turning. It wasn’t just the words, it was the look in his eyes, something in them was telling you how honest he was being. You watched as he let JJ go, her running back inside as you stood there, a bit in shock still. Jared closed the door behind him and walked up to you, smiling his typical childlike smile and looked down, brushing his hair behind his ear.

“Mr. Padalecki…”

“What have I told you about calling me that?”

“Umm…Jar…Jared. I do smile.”

“Yeah, but it’s never really genuine. Danneel brags about how you and the kids get along and that she gets to see a real smile from you with them. Glad I finally got to witness it in person.”

“In…person?”

Jared then took his phone out of his pocket and fooled with it for a few seconds. He then turned the screen towards you and your eyes grew wide in shock. There, on the screen, was an image of you with the children in the back area of the brewery, Zeppelin on your back as the girls ran behind you. You could see the wide smile on your face, how much joy was there. You looked up at Jared and he locked his phone and placed it back into his pocket.

“Danneel sent it to Jensen and I got him to send it to me. Just, really loved how happy you look in it,” he whispered as he looked down to his feet. “Pretty girl like you should smile like that every second of the day.”

And that moment, you felt the small crack against the wall you built around your heart.

====================

“Wait, so Jared invited you to Vancouver?”

“Well, Danneel and the kids are going, and she knows the only traveling I’ve done is my move to Austin…”

“BUT JARED ASKED YOU RIGHT?!”

You winced at your best friend as she screamed through your headphones. You were packing a small bag for the weekend trip up to Vancouver. You had to call her to calm your nerves about the trip.

“Yeah but like I said…”

“Oh, bestie! Do you have any idea how lucky you are! Not only have you been welcomed into the Ackles family, but you are traveling to visit the set of the show AND getting a personal tour by none other than JARED FREAKING PADALECKI!”

“It’s nothing special…”

“How is it not…you do realize ever since he convinced you to exchange numbers you two have been in contact nonstop? And when he travels back home, where and who does he spend most of his time with?”

“We are just friends.”

“You might see it as just friends, but he has to want more.”

You winced again and pulling your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms tight around them. Your best friend watched via camera your reaction and sighed.

“You can’t let the past dictate your future. You even left your hometown to get away from it all.”

“I know but it’s still hard, after everything it’s still hard,” you whispered into the mic.

“Yet when you talk about those text and phone calls, I see a crack of a smile.”

You couldn’t help the small smile that came out.

“See, plus he has been very patient with you. He doesn’t push, and he has done so much to show you really does care.”

You deviated the conversation quickly with talk of the trip, your best friend making you promise to get as many pictures as you could, before ending the video call. As you closed your laptop, you thought back on her words.

‘You can’t let the past dictate your future.’

You knew she was right. The past was the past, but you couldn’t help holding on to that fear, the fear of another heartbreak. You swore to protect your heart after picking up the pieces, building a reinforced concrete wall around it. But little by little, Jared had chipped off pieces of that wall. You did your best to cover up the cracks and missing pieces, but Jared had made his mark.

His kind words, his way of trusting you with things he wouldn’t tell anyone else. He would spend hours at the brewery, keeping you company when he was in Austin. Eventually, when you gave in to hanging out, he took you around Austin and showed you his favorite places in the city during one of his breaks. He would share his favorite books with you when he found out you loved to read and read the ones you favored. He always paid attention to the smallest details of your conversations. He even sent you flowers and your favorite cake for your birthday while he was out in Vancouver shooting.

And he never missed a day to call you. You would wake up to a good morning text and fall asleep to the sound of his voice on the other end of your cell phone. No matter how much you tried to deny it, Jared had won you over little by little. And even though you loved the butterflies in your stomach every time you heard his voice or looked into his eyes, that underlining fear would bubble right up.

====================

The flight to Vancouver was a bit stressful, it is your second time on a plane. But Danneel and the kids were the perfect distraction. When the four of you made it to Vancouver, there was a big man waiting outside. Danneel introduced him as Clif, the guys' bodyguard and best friend. He made the ride to the apartment fun by giving you a chance to sightsee during the ride. Once you at the apartment, he helped bring up the luggage to Jensen’s apartment and let you and Danneel know the guys would be home in an hour and would have the weekend off as promised. As you began to unpack in the guest room, Danneel came in with two glasses of red wine, handing one to you.

“Here is to a safe trip and fun times in Vancouver.”

The clinking of the glass made you giggle before taking a sip.

“So, what are the plans with Jared? He did beg me to hire a babysitter if Jensen and I wanted to go out so as not to ask you.”

“Not sure, he just said he would handle everything.”

“Oooh, are things moving up the ladder?”

You smiled and lightly punched Danneel on her arm, causing a laugh out of her.

“I’m not sure. We are great friends and I honestly don’t want to mess that up.”

“Hmm, well I can clearly say Jared wants more than friendship. But knowing him, he will take what he can get.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, if you make it clear you only want to be friends, he won’t cross any lines even if he wants to. He is never one to push, that’s for sure.”

You nodded as you took another sip of wine. Danneel was right, Jared never pushed for anything, more so taking his time.

“Just, remember, you aren’t the only one with feelings in the mix here. Be clear with him and trust me, he will understand.”

You nodded, sucking your lips in as Danneel smiled at you. She patted your shoulder and walked out of the guest room, leaving you to your thoughts. You wondered, how serious was Jared about wanting more? And would he really understand your hesitation?

====================

Your weekend in Vancouver was the best time. The moment the guys got home on Friday, Jared took you out to dinner. Nothing fancy, just a quick meal at a burger place he loved. You both sat there for hours, just talking and eating. Before you knew it, the place was closing for the night. You were so surprised how time flew by with just you two talking. Instead of taking you somewhere else, Jared took you back to the apartment, wishing you sweet dreams at the door. He tried to move in for a hug, but as usual, you backed away slightly. You hated yourself for doing that, but like always, Jared just smiled away and bid you goodnight, heading to the elevator to go up to his place.

That night you went to bed mentally slapping yourself for not even able to give him a hug.

Saturday was a fun day. Jared took you to bike riding in Stanley Park to enjoy a nice breakfast at a small café. Later you went to the Museum of Anthropology where you spent a couple of hours just looking and admiring. Then, he took you onto the set where all the filming happened. He showed you each set from the show and even let you take a few pictures for your best friend to send to her. He even dragged you to his trailer, which made your mouth drop from the size of it.

“This is huge for a trailer,” you gasped.

“If we have long days of shooting, we will sleep here so they got us ones that we felt comfortable in.”

For lunch, he took you to an Italian restaurant on Commercial drive. And after that straight to the aquarium. You both looked in awe at the sea animals and fishes the aquarium had. He laughed along with you as you told him the story of how every time your parents took you to the aquarium when you were small, that you would run up to one of the workers and ask where the octopus was. After the aquarium, he took you to dinner at this restaurant close to the apartment. Again, you both sat there for hours, laughing, talking and eating. It was two in the morning when you made it back to the apartment and he bid you goodnight. He never made a move to hug you, but the urge to hug him was inside you. Instead, you let him walk away and headed inside, shutting the door quietly to not wake everyone up.

Sunday was barbecue day with the Ackles and Jared. A few other folks from the show were there as well. Jared introduced you to everyone and suck to your side, knowing how nervous you got meeting new people. But you had fun, doing your best to be friendly and joke along with everyone. The food was delicious, and, in the end, you and Jared got stuck with cleaning the dishes as everyone relaxed after the meal. It was almost sunset when Jared asked you if you would go with him to the roof. You said yes and you both snuck out of the apartment like children, taking the elevator up to the top floor to then reach the door to the rooftop. Once you were both up there, you sat down on the cement roofing to watch the sunset, admiring the beauty in silence.

Once the sun had set, and the night sky began to shine with stars, Jared spoke up.

“(Y/N), I want to tell you something, something I can’t hold back anymore.”

You took in a breath, not able to look at him as your heart began to beat fast.

“I… ever since I met you, life has seemed better, brighter even. Getting to know you this past year, it’s been the greatest moments of my life. And, you make me feel like... like I can hope for a better future, a future I can share with someone.”

“Jared…”

“I just want you to know, no matter what, I won’t force you into accepting my feelings. I just want you to know that I’ve fallen in love with you.”

You kept quiet for a few minutes, processing what he just said.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?”

You pulled your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them, going into your cocoon.

“(Y/N), if it’s too much, we can just be frie…”

“Did Danneel ever tell you why I moved to Austin?”

“No, she never wanted to say.”

You took in a shuddering breath before you started.

“I was engaged to be married before my move. Was with him for almost eight years when he proposed. Wedding plans were made, and I even bought my dress. I was madly in love with him and trusted him with my heart. I thought everything was right in life. But the night before our wedding, he ran off with someone else, leaving a note behind how he was only settling with me because he felt too comfortable. That I was safe.”

You heard Jared gasp, making you continue.

“I was safe, and he was never in love with me. He fell out of love years ago but only tolerated because he didn’t want to hurt me. But after he proposed, he met someone else and felt like he was doing wrong by marrying me since he fell for her. But he didn’t know how to tell me he wanted to end things. So, when it was the day before our wedding, he panicked and ran. His letter was his way of letting me down easy.”

“How could he…?”

“Oh, that’s not it. Two weeks after our wedding got called off, his parents were throwing him and that girl a wedding. They had only known each other for a couple of months and felt so sure of her that he married her. He married her, the girl that he loved, not tolerated. I spent eight years with that man and all I had to show was a canceled wedding and an invitation thrown in my face.”

“He sent you an invite?”

You could hear the anger in Jared’s voice.

“Not only an invite, but he was also asking me to be his fiancée’s maid of honor. That I could help out planning it all since I knew everything about putting up a wedding.”

“That ass…”

“Yeah, and since my hometown is on the small side, I was on the rumor mill for weeks afterward. The girl that lost her man to some random. So, I moved, went to Austin since it was far and quiet. Once Danneel gave me the job, she asked me why I moved there, and I spilled, thinking she should know at least the truth so she wouldn’t think I was some fangirl.”

“I am so sorry about what happened, (Y/N),” Jared whispered. “I understand why you wouldn’t want to get involved with someone. Don’t worry, we can act like this never happened and stay friends.”

“But that’s the thing, Jared, I don’t want to be just friends.”

You turned to face Jared, your eyes were watery with tears.

“I have always had trust issues ever since, putting up a wall so as not to get hurt again. It sucks but I felt it was the best way to protect myself, to not feel the pain I felt. Learning how to trust someone is the hardest thing I’d ever have to do, but with you… you’ve made it so easy.”

Jared’s eyes grew wide as he looked into yours. You reached out and grabbed hold of his hand, tightly.

“Ever since that day you showed me that picture Danneel sent you, you have been chipping away at my wall. And no matter how many times I tried to repair it, you would come right back and remove more. Every little thing you did, each precious moment chipped away at that wall. You showed me that maybe, I can throw myself out there again, to trust again. I know it won’t be easy, but I have to try. And if it’s with you, then maybe the jump won’t be so bad.”

Jared grabbed both your hands and looked you dead in the eye, his shining so bright with love.

“You can jump because I will be there to catch you. I know it will take me a bit to prove myself to you, but I promise my love for you is real and I will do everything in my power to never hurt you to that capacity. Yeah, it’s a bit fast to say this, but I can’t see myself spending my life with anyone else but you. I hope one day you will come to see that truth.”

At his words, you smiled brightly, feeling the wall crumble down to reveal your heart. You knew the risks of putting yourself out there, but something inside you made it clear, this time, you would fall in the arms of the right person. You leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips, chaste and sweet which he responded to. Once you pulled away, you pulled your hands out of his and wrapped them around him in a hug, molding your body into his. He wrapped his arms around you, his face pressing into the crook of your neck.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he whispered into your skin.

“And I love you, Jared.”

Tags:

@coffee-obsessed-writer @tumbler-tidbits

#spn #spn fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural rpf #rpf #jared padalecki #jared padalecki x reader #jared x you #jared padalecki x you #jared x reader #spn fluff #bugstitlechallenge

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allonsy-yesiwill · 6 years ago

Text

Lay Down My Heart

Word Count: 2530

Paring: Dean X Curvy!Reader

For: #CASSIE600FOLLOWERCELEBRATION @crashdevlin

Prompt: Song 10 I Can’t Make You Love Me- Bonnie Raitt

A/N: So this an AU, normal everyday life sort of place. The reader is average in size (14/16) however feels less than good about herself. So I don’t do great with song challenges I pushed myself. Honestly, I don’t know if I love it but I hope you at least like it.

Warning: A bit of angst, acholic parent, parent abandonment, body image insecurities... the ending is all fluff

There wasn’t a time when you didn’t know Sam and Dean. After their mom passed, their father turned to Bobby for help. Much like your mom did after your dad skipped town. Growing up your childhood was pretty average. The best times were spent at Bobby’s with Dean and Sam. Time marched on and you went off to school, not before learning some heavy hitting life lesson but nonetheless, Bobby, Dean, and Sam were always there.

Fast forward to today you find yourself working a humdrum office job that pays the bills and keeps you comfortable in life but doesn’t make you jump out of bed in the morning. Today what made you jump out of bed in the morning was the text from Dean last night asking if you wanted to grab lunch.

Well duh, was your response. You loved Dean. Being the best of friends you always told him you loved him. You really loved him. You were too scared to jump, so you simply stayed close and left everything else for your dreams. Dean told you everything, but you chose to keep him at an arm's length. You knew the reasons were stupid but that didn’t matter. After you and your mom had a falling out, you moved in with Bobby and you made a choice to not let anyone get that close to you again.

-Flashback-

“Y/N, what do you think you are doing why are you eating that,” your mom yelled at you.

You knew what she was going to say. You need to pay more attention to what you eat. No one will ever want to be with you if you get fat. You’re already a size 12 that’s too big right now, that’s why no one ever asks you out. That’s why you haven’t had a date. It was the same argument every time. However, the truth is you didn’t have time to date, taking care of your now alcoholic mom, helping to pay bills and going to school. The weight of the world was on your shoulders.

“Enough. I don’t care what you think,” the words came out of your mouth but they weren’t true.

“I know you care what Dean thinks. And I promise you, sweetheart, he ain’t ever going to be into you unless you're thin out.”

There is nothing left to say, you put the food down and walk to your room pulling your phone out, you text Bobby.

Y/N: I can’t do this anymore.

Bobby: I will be right there.

You take the last look around your room before you grab your bag, 16 years your whole life fits into one duffle bag. Your heart falls at the realization that for years you have been the parent. For years you did more for your mom then she will ever remember.

In your room, your, bags were already mostly packed. You had been thinking about leaving for some time. You had talked to Bobby about it a few time and he told you he was more than happy to do whatever he could to help. You can hear your mom yelling, screaming at you, the words just blurring together. You can feel your body betray you as a tear slips from your eye.

You walk out of your room. Your mom is now in the kitchen probably making herself another drink, you can still hear her talking to you however you pay it no attention slipping out the front door. In the cover of night, you slip on your headphones and just start to walk to Bobby’s.

You were only walking for about 30 mins when you hear it. The growl of Dean’s dad’s Impala and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You didn’t want to see him. Not now. Not him. You stop walking and you hear his voice, “Y/N, are you okay.” You feel him touch your shoulder and you turn around.

You could see the worry in his eyes. You let out, “I am fine.” And start walking to the backseat as you hear Dean syh. When you climb into the back seat, John gives you a head nod as if to ask that you are okay and you smile back. Shutting the door, you keep your headphone in. Leaning your head again the window, you let Bonnie Raitt’s voice serenade you to sleep as a few more tears escape.

“Dean,” you holler seeing him sit at the bar of the dinner.

-End Flashback-

“Well, there’s my princess. How are you?” Dean asking wrapping you in a hug.

“Good, good. Ah are you trying to get the servers number,” you ask while the hug hides your face.

Dean laughs, “Not yet but maybe later. First lunch with my best friend.”

You and Dean get all caught up on the past week, sharing the fact that you have a date with someone you met via an online dating app. You can tell he is less than happy, but there is nothing you can do because he just doesn’t get it. 10 years later your mom’s voice is still playing on loop, and the only thing that’s growing is your waist moving up to a size 18 at your highest now lost somewhere in between a 16 and if you were lucky a 14 on a good day.

“Look Y/N, you’re pretty and funny. Why don’t we just go out Friday night and I will be your wingman. I have to approve first and foremost,” Dean chuckled.

“Well that sounds like an awful idea,” you let out.

“No it sounds great, we are doing it. I will have Sam and Jess come to, that way we can really make sure he’s good enough for our Y/N.”

“How do we know I am going to be good enough for whoever you approve of?” You couldn’t help but out ask the question.

“What do you mean, Y/N, you’re awesome and I hear your family is pretty cool too,” Dean smiles.

You can’t keep going down this path, so you change the subject. However, when you part ways Dean let’s out, “Friday night, I will pick up. Be your sexy self and we will find your mister right.” You just let your head fall as you walk back to your car.

“Great, great this is fan-fucking-tastic,” you let out starting your car. The radio fills the air:

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no you won't

“Are you fucking kidding me. Really you think is this funny whoever is up there. Cause it isn’t,I fucking getting,” you yell turning the radio off and heading back to work.

Your week continues and you are terrified of the upcoming night out. At work you are so lost in everything your boss sends you home thinking that he is working your to hard, however you’re thankful for the extra time to get ready. Looking at your curves and rolls, unhappy with everything you finally just put on jeans and a band shirt having zero fucks left to give. While waiting for Dean you sink into your sofa with a beer and try not to give up on everything.

About 45 min and another beer later Dean is walking in your door, “ Sweetheart, you ready to go? Ow what, what’s up?” You can hear the concern in his voice as he sits down next to you. You do a good job at hiding your feels behind the mask you always have up.

“I know you’re lying.”

“Nothing it was just a crap day. I don’t need a Mr right anyway. Let’s just go have fun,” you say with a smile.

FUCK...FUCK...Fuck...the voice inside your head is screaming. “ Look, Dean, I don’t want to do this now. Let's just go hang out and have a good night. Please.”

Dean stares at you for far too long, taking you in. Probably trying to tell if you’re telling the truth. Then he wraps his arms around you and softly says, “As you wish.” Your eyes flood because of the history in those words. When he pulls away you look towards that ground to prevent the damn from breaking.

The night continues on, you are tucked in the corner of the booth with Dean on the outside. You don’t mind, you actually prefer this. Him keeping you safe from the outside world. After much debate, Sam and Dean decide to play some pool, and you are forced to venture outside of your safe corner.

You don’t really want to play so you just sit at a high top table between the multiple pool tables and watch Jess, Sam and Dean banter as they play. Dean notices the look on your face more than once, finally, he comes over to check on you. You of course smile telling him you’re fine. He, of course, doesn’t believe you but he accepts what you say. Placing a kiss on your forehead he returns to the game.

That’s when you hear it. “Oh my god, he’s so sexy.”

“There is no way he can be with her.”

“I could totally climb that tree.”

Well yeah, they aren’t wrong, the voice inside your head agrees with them. You try not to hear their words, this doesn’t stop them from talking. You can’t stop it from falling, instead, you quickly wipe the tear away. It’s too late, Dean saw it.

You don’t even look at him, you can’t. You hear the girls giggle and making comments under their breath about how he must have lost a bet. Dean’s attention is too focused on you for him to notice the other girls. “Hey Y/N, please.” You hear the sadness in his voice but it’s covered by a noise that’s in the background. When her voice breaks through the music

He comes back by your said, placing his arm around you, “Look Y/N, I know there is something going on. You know you can talk to me about anything. If you want to just go home we can do just that.”

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed

You know you aren’t going to make it. You step away from Dean and start walking away.

Turn down these voices inside my head

You can hear him calling your name, you push your way through the crowd fast as tears set a faster pace down your face.

Lay down with me, tell me no lies

Just hold me close, don't patronize

Dean finally catches up to you just outside the bar, “ What the hell Y/N, what’s going on? Please talk to me.”

“It doesn’t matter, none of it matters. Just go back and have fun I will find another ride home or just walk.”

“First of all, it does matter. Look at you, you are clearly upset. And there is no way in hell I am just leaving you anywhere. I love you Y/N, I am not just going to pretend like this isn’t happening. Trust me I have done that enough to myself and it’s not good.”

Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

“See that’s it you love me and I love you, but not in the same way,” you sob out.

“And why should you love me like that. Those girls in there are right. My mom is right. I am just a fat waste of space. Someone like you would only go on a date with if you lost a bet,” you can’t stop any of the tears.

You can't make your heart feel somethin' it won't

Dean looks confused and lost hearing your words. He looks back inside the bar to try and put a face to the girls you were talking about, but then he saw you again.

Here in the dark, in these final hours

With your tears still falling, Dean wraps his arms around you. Not saying a thing, but simply holding you. Letting you get everything thing out. Swaying with you, softly rubbing your back and every few strokes he places his lips to your forehead.

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

Your tears are slowing, as you start to relax in Dean’s hold, accepting his safety.

But you won't, no you won't

He pulls you out of his embrace once he feels your tears stop. His eyes find yours, they don’t leave. His thumb moves to your cheek to wipe away the trailer of tears. He doesn’t say anything just looks at you, his eyes heartbroken. You do your best to prepare yourself for what is coming next.

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

Dean’s hands are caressing your arms, still providing a small sense of safety for you. “First of all sweetheart, your mom was wrong and those girls in there are just jealous. And from the sounds of what I just heard, I think the only thing I would have ever had to do to get you on a date with me is have enough courage to ask you out.”

You can feel his eyes looking into yours, pulling your eyes from the ground. “There she is. Could you do me a small favor Y/N?”

You give halve a smile, trying to do your best for Dean.

You shrug your shoulder unable to commit, Dean smiles.

“Can you smile for me. I know you probably don’t feel much like it right now. But I know that smile and it lights up the room.”

Dean laughs, “ I promise if you don’t like the surprise I will cook you dinner for a week.”

“So we are halfway there. How about this you give me a smile and I will give you something, a surprise,” Dean says as you raise an eyebrow.

“You’re so beautiful Y/N. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise,” he softly lets out taking hold of your face. In the moment of your blink, you feel his full lips connect with yours. You fall in, kissing him back. Time stands still till oxygen is needed. Breaking the kiss Dean places his forehead to yours and his hands move down your body till they reach your hands.

As your eyes roll back you can feel Dean smiling. You know you are going to do it, even if you don’t like the surprise Dean would cook for you. Letting out a deep breathe you let a smile overtake your face. Looking into Dean’s eyes you can’t help but let go of your sadness as he warms your heart.

“Hmm, I don’t know. I am pretty busy,” you say with a roll of your eyes.

“So then that’s a yes then, “ Dean laughs.

Let me know what you think

Clearing his throat, “So um Y/N, do you..um would you like to maybe go on a date this Saturday night, maybe dinner and a movie?”

“Oh, I do wish, princess, I do,” Dean says before kissing you again.

“As you wish.”

#CASSIE600FOLLOWERCELEBRATION #dean x reader #Dean Winchster #dean x curvy! reader #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean x plus size!reader #dean x plussize!reader #dean au #dean winchester au #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester x reader

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royalcordelia · 7 years ago

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Can't You Hear the Wild Music? (3/7)

Summary: When the Great War sweeps away all of Canada’s able young men, Anne and Gilbert must endure leaving one another and gain the strength to fulfill their duties. A story told through narrative and letters.

Rated T • 1.4k words • Read the entire work on Ao3 • Start at Part 3

September 20th, 1914

Dearest Private Gilbert Blythe,

(Oh, I do hate writing that, Gil. Not the dearest part, of course. Such addresses I could write over and over until my fingers turned numb and my heart happy with contentment. To see your name beside titles I have held specially saved for the person to whom I’d give the second half of my heart...Well, it makes me vibrate with joy, but it also hurts a little more than you’re not here to listen to me speak them to you. My dearest Gilbert, beloved darling, prince of my heart, my lifemate.)

Just listen to me ramble over such romantic ideals. I suppose I should continue on with this correspondence the way a person should, acknowledging all the things you told me about in your letter and updating you about my own boring life here in Avonlea. Canada seems so much less exciting when I think about what you must be doing. But you’d prefer a boring life to one fighting a war, right Gilbert?

I was so pleased to hear you were doing as well as could be expected. You should hear the chaos of my thoughts in the silence of the day, when I’m left alone to ponder what has truly become of you in the time it takes for these letters to cross the sea. Then I pull out your letter from that safe spot under my bed and cry a few beautiful tears as I remember that you are indeed alive and well.

First and foremost, though, I must say that poetry suits you. It’s like a fine suit that you have tailored to every line and contour on your body - impeccably sewn, beautifully worn. Just like you’d leave me breathless donning such rich clothing, so too do you make my heart skip a beat by comparing me to a storm who only seeks to protect you. Truer words have never been spoken, Gilbert Blythe. I hope you know that. Poetry aside, if you decided to wear well tailored suits when you return home, I will not argue in the slightest.

Was that perfectly scandalous to write? Please don’t tell your fellow soldiers that your “redhead” was making shameless advances to you in her letters. It’s simply that I am enjoying being able to shower praises on you to my heart’s content. It helps me to miss you less.

But I do miss you. Oh, Gil, it’s been over a month and all I pray for is that this war will be over soon. It’s unbearable to read about it in the papers and hear about the boys who have already died. The lists of names of those late loved ones that will be buried on English soil away from their islands can bring a room to silence.

Enough of that!

Bash and Mary are doing splendidly. Bash has made a name for himself helping out at farms where mothers are having difficulties maintaining them because the fathers have gone overseas. One cannot raise children, feed a family, run a household, tirelessly miss their husband, and be expected to run an entire farm on their own. Mary helps out, as well! Most of the time she just visits with Marilla and I. The three of us held fort in the kitchen, sending meals to widows, sonless mothers, and brotherless sisters. Sometimes I think that we’d all go over and fight the war right alongside you, if it meant that we could stay by your sides. I know I would.

But Mary and I chat and distract each other from how much we miss you. She asks me about when I knew for sure that I was in love with you (I cannot pinpoint an exact time, the same way you cannot pin down a river. It has always been there. Strong and good.) I ask her about when she believes you fell in love with me ( “Right from the very moment he laid those pretty blue eyes on you, Miss Shirley. It don’t take a genius to see that.”) I ask her what she enjoys about being married (“I don’t mean to shock you, Anne, but intimacy - both emotional and physical- is bliss. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve experienced in my life, equal to raising my son. I wish one day you can have that for yourself, to feel that you are queen of his heart. Am I queen of your heart, Gil?”)

Mary asks me about what I’m most excited to do with my future, to which I responded in the usual answer of, “I’d like to become a teacher just like my beloved Miss Stacy,” but Mary was not fooled. I suppose the smile did not reach my eyes or my voice did not have its regular conviction, but she could tell right away there was something plaguing me.

That thing was this war, Gilbert. This godforsaken, dirty, no-good, horrible horrible war. I hate it. I haven’t truly hated anything in my life, but I mean it this time.

The truth is, as I spoke it to Mary that day in the sunny light of the Green Gables kitchen, is that I don’t want to go to college to be a teacher. I don’t want to leave my home in the midst of everyone else leaving. Having you gone made me realize I need to stay around those who love me if I’m to keep my sanity - and that’s with Marilla and Matthew and Bash and Mary. We’re family, all missing our family who is valiantly doing his duty in England. Besides, if the war continues after I return from college - gracious God forbid - I don’t want to see my own pupils don their own grey uniforms. It would kill me to see their names on the lists in the papers.

Besides, there is so much to see here in Avonlea with the war waging! It has always been true that Avonlea was run by the strong women that inhabited it. This is more true than ever. Women have filled the shops, the factories further inland, the trains, the farms, everywhere there used to be a man. Society cannot simply cease functioning with all our young men overseas, I suppose. It keeps the ache of missing our loved ones from consuming us.

It’s a near thing, Gilbert. Missing you nearly consumes me all the time. Oh, how I love you, Gilbert Blythe. Oh, how I love you.

So while my gallant young lad will be away healing those who have been injured and harmed and wronged and shot (Dr. Blythe is a title I forgot to add in the beginning of my letter. I’m so happy for you, Gil! You’re going to do so much good at the right hand of Dr. Simard.) I will be Avonlea’s newest newspaper columnist. I’ve spoken with Mr. Proctor yesterday - you remember, that old man who runs the paper? - and he’s agreed to giving me my own little space in the paper to talk about the trials and tribulations of the women during this period.

“Most of our readers are women now, I suppose,” he told me very bitterly. “I guess I haven’t any choice but to cater something to them.”

What an achievement! I haven’t decided what to name it. Do you have any suggestions? For once, I’m too excited to come up with a proper name. I’ll send you cutouts of the paper as soon as we begin printing them.

Oh, my own, I feel like I’m finally doing something more than just sitting around and waiting for the war to end.

I suppose if I do not end my letter now, I will continue to write until you appear in my doorway, arms open waiting to hold me. I’d write until I died, and my spirit had to keep writing after me. I’d write until I had exhausted all the paper in the entire world. I have so much I want to say to you - all things you already know, already have felt yourself.

So, I shall keep it simple.

You keep yourself safe, Gilbert Blythe, or I will never forgive you. Continue to craft your words, and sing your songs, and think of me when you feel lonely. Write me until your fingers are numb and your heart is soft. Remember the warmth of the hearth in your home and smiles of each person who has ever loved you, will love you, and loves you still. Walk proudly knowing your father walks beside, and your mother, and all the family before that. Walk gently knowing that I walk beside you, thinking of you always, protecting you always, loving you always.

Signed,

Your Anne-girl

#anne with an e #anne of green gables #shirbert #shirbert ff #shibert au #i love writing this fic because it's so bite size #even if war and history isn't super your thing #this fic is light on the history part and not too gruesome on the war part #just feely

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wellnesswonderwoman-blog · 8 years ago

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Hello from Wellness Wonder Woman!

Well technically my name is Rebecca, but Wellness Wonder Woman is my alias. She is the parts of myself that I want to flourish through my health and wellness journey.

This introduction post has been seriously long overdue. First and foremost, welcome to my safe space. I’ve written blogs before, for journalism classes in college or with likeminded friends for personal enjoyment. Writing has always been one of the ways that I convey my passion and my joy. Having both a Journalism background and BA in Communications and English, writing has been a crucial part of my journey for personal growth.

My intention for this blog is to document my journey into wellness by bringing together all the things that bring me peace, joy, and compassion, hence the name “Wellness Wonder Woman Life”. I want to dedicate my life to the wellness of others, as well as my own through a plant based diet, reducing my footprint, and by simply understanding the needs of my body.

Physical and mental health have always been important to me. As I grow into myself, I aspire to bring this change to others through simply demonstrating how we can help ourselves. In other words, by helping myself, I wish to help you. My hope for you, my reader, is that I can inspire you to want to live consciously and true to your authentic self. So join me on my journey to wellness!

Always feel free to get a hold of me via this blog or on any of my social media. I’d be more than happy to hear from you!

And so the start of our journey begins.

Wellness Wonder Woman

#wellnesswonderwoman wellnesswonderwomanlife whatsyourwellness blogpost wellness health intro bringiton ourjourney wonderwoman #writing

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michelleinaba-english-blog · 7 years ago

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Yoga, meditation and other ways to bring compassion into your life

Article published on Vegan Mainstream.com, on 11/16/2010, under my former last name (Mocarski)

https://www.veganmainstream.com/2010/11/16/yoga-meditation-and-other-ways-to-bring-compassion-into-your-life/

When I was assigned to write about how yoga and meditation can bring compassion to someone’s life, I immediately decided that I would not put down my own words. Rather, I would interview three people in my life who use yoga and meditation as a lifestyle and let their words, their testimony of compassion touch my readers’ hearts.

The first person to describe to me how yoga influences her life was my friend Michele Zucolota, from San Francisco. It wasn’t an interview: she was trying to teach me how to feel more love towards myself and how to bring compassion, balance and happiness to my life through yoga. “When I do yoga, I forget about everything. I pay attention to every movement. My body feels more alive. My senses and perception of the world around me are heightened. When I finish my practice, the world looks more colorful and deeper. It’s like opening your eyes and suddenly all has more beauty, more life, more peace. Everything around me, every little thing. I’m more sensitive to people and things around me. I’m at peace with myself and the world. Even if I just practice for 15 minutes, every day.”

The next two people were my friend and neighbor Serena Richardson and my yoga teacher, Geri Girardin. I had a Q&A with them on Yoga and everyday life.

VM- How can we bring compassion to the world through Yoga and meditation?

Serena – When you do yoga and meditation it sends your mind to a more peaceful and accepting state. What is in the past stays in the past and what is in the future stays in the future. Your mind completely relies on the present. So how does this bring compassion? Well, I think when you are more centered in the present any judgments, fear, and anxiety disappear. Therefore your interactions with people are altered, and you become more accepting and aware of everything around you. Maybe we stop walking with our heads down, or smile at someone passing by, or just realize that people are people no matter who they are and where they are from. I think that being fearful, judgmental, and anxious will affect everyone around you.

Geri – Yoga is the best place to start the practice of compassion. We lead busy lives and can easily become distracted and seduced by our daily tasks, entertainment and living up to the expectations of others – to name just a few things. Getting on the mat requires us to draw on all the compassion that is available to us because the sincere, honest and committed yoga practice is not easy. Being able to sustain the practice requires a compassionate attitude towards oneself. Without this quality, the practice withers and falls to the wayside.

VM – What are other ways to bring compassion to your everyday life and affect others positively?

Serena – There are tons of ways to bring compassion to your everyday life. First and foremost you have to make time for yourself. Do something for yourself, appreciate yourself, love yourself. How can you bring compassion to anyone else if you do not start with you? I think maybe just striking up conversation with random people definitely helps. Doing something to help someone else, inviting someone new over for dinner or tea, are some examples. And the most important one of them all is BE HAPPY. Keep a smile on your face. No matter how bad you may feel or how sad you are, if someone smiles at you it makes it all that much better. There is this meditation called smiling to your inner self.

Geri – Getting on the mat, first to practice yoga and later to meditate is one way to begin to create a capacity for compassion. While the word compassion is certainly part of our speaking/thinking vocabulary; it is not always part of our active vocabulary. Developing awareness that compassion can exist for us, that it is available to us, is a wonderful first step. The renowned teacher Eckhart Tolle offers us tools to release that ego driven part of ourselves so that we can tap into the compassion available to us.

VM- Is there anything in your daily routine that you wouldn’t mind sharing with readers, as a suggestion of something they could do?

Serena – I talk a lot to people, especially random people anywhere. Communication is the key. People don’t communicate with each other, nor even try. Everyone has their own pace, own style, own ways. And that’s fine and all but it’s always important to be open about things. Secondly, I try to smile as much as possible. I try to remind myself that there is no point of ever being sad, or worried, or mad, or upset because you know that in time it won’t matter any more; so what’s the point of stressing? Of course I am not perfect at this, and I do sometimes get upset for extended periods of time, but that doesn’t happen too often, or at least I don’t let it. Third, I also like to go run when I can’t seem to shake off whatever is bothering me so much. Fourth, I don’t eat meat or meat products. I try to eat a raw vegan diet. Imagine a world where we do not have to kill for food: wouldn’t that be amazing? At last, but not least, I repeat 5 mantras every morning: “thou shall not pass judgment onto yourself or others”, “thou shall always be honest”, “thou shall always love”, “thou shall always be aware”, “thou shall always stay true to yourself no matter what”. You can make your own mantras if you want; those are the ones I find to be most important to me.

Geri – I don’t mind admitting that compassion does not come easily or naturally to me. I can say this because I am working on myself and have found enough humility through my practice to acknowledge what is true about myself. I’ve often moved through life with a machete (metaphorically speaking) in hand. In recent years, I have come to the realization that tiptoeing thru the landscape is effective too. Tiptoeing not in the sense of being frightened or cautious but more in the sense of respect and reverence for this majestic experience we call life. The image of a Japanese Geisha comes to mind; deliberate movement and kindness.

VM – What do you see people doing in their lives (things that are already a routine) that you think they could do differently, as far as bringing more compassion to their lives?

Serena – They can stop making their career their life. I feel that people forgot how to enjoy life. I honestly do not think that we were put on this earth to search and destroy. People don’t talk to their kids. People stress out and complain over everything. What’s the point of stressing? Stop wasting time and do something about it already. People forget that they are no different from the person sitting next to them.People don’t push themselves enough or put a purpose to their lives. Motivation is key! Get up and do something. People feel the need to control everything. Try letting things just happen. People are always on the defense. Try accepting and welcoming more into your life. And finally people don’t love themselves.

Geri – I see people so willing to intellectualize these concepts, to speak in global terms and to keep these concepts far away from what is actually happening in their individual lives. In my own life, the movements of small, tiny acts of compassion are all that I can manage. If I could wish for one thing, I would wish that we would pause just long enough to feel the opening in any given situation and give ourselves over to these small feelings of tenderness and compassion for those we interact with on a daily basis. So, setting up the conditions that allow compassion to flourish might be helpful. They are: first wanting to. Another is feeling safe. What makes us feel unsafe often says more about us than the world around us. Also is an appreciation of the beauty of compassion and how much it is needed in society. The practice of yoga can support the opening of that part of ourselves.

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rhetoricandlogic · 8 years ago

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We Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson

I came to the Shirley Jackson party late. The first thing I read was The Haunting of Hill House, and that was just last year. On my way to the park for a lunchtime walk and brain-clearing, I pulled a parcel from the post box. In the park I didn’t refrain from tearing open said parcel because, well, book. I did laps whilst reading this tremendously weird tale, and by the time I returned home there was a kind of strange translucent wallpaper over my vision, an image of Hill House superimposed on the things of my everyday life. That’s kind of disturbing.

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about—Hill House(not sane, but brilliant) led me to We Have Always Lived in the Castle, and the thoroughly magnificently malignant creation, Mary Katherine Blackwood. Merricat, with her strange acts of sympathetic magic, her even stranger magical thinking, and her almost complete lack of conscience—I say “almost” because she does seem to know she’s doing wrong, but she shrugs and does it anyway because it’s all in the service of what she believes is required.

Jackson introduces her in an act of explicit characterisation. Merricat tells us about herself, controlling what we know of her:

My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the deathcup mushroom… Everyone else in my family is dead.

Reading this, we take in the information but not necessarily its weight. She tells us, first and foremost, what is most important to her.

We first encounter Merricat on her journey into the village for groceries. She gives us more of her family history and we see her being tormented by the local yokels. Our sympathy is engaged, we’re outraged at grown men picking on a young girl with such spite. They are, we believe, stereotypical louts, probably inbred. How dare they?

Merricat comes through with her dignity intact; she plots an imaginative yet understandable revenge. We’re still with her. She walks back home, along the road, through the woods that surround the Blackwood house… however, this is where our certainty about her begins to wobble. It’s the small things, like the nailing of a book to a tree, the burying of a box of coins, all the tiny protective magics she’s undertaken to keep the boundaries of the property safe. We wonder if persecution has made her unstable, or is it simply a function of managing a fear otherwise too great to contend with, or… But we remain sympathetic, empathetic. We remain on Team Merricat.

But then the details keep coming, dropped into our perception like stones in the pocket of a woman treading water. There is Uncle Julian who never addresses the girl, and Constance who has been a shut-in for the past six years, there is Cousin Charles who comes a’wooing with secret intent; there is a tale of arsenic and sugar and blackberries. Gradually we are pulled down to face what Merricat actually is: a nutbag. The murderer of almost her entire family. Despite protestations of love for her sister, she still let Constance go on trial for what she herself had done. She is jealous, dangerously so; when there seems the prospect of a kind of happiness for Constance, Merricat does her destructive best to derail it.

When we reach the end of the book, we sit back and catch our breath. We return to that opening paragraph and realise that, yes, Jackson told us everything we needed to know, but she blinded us. The what-we-now-know to be an unreliable narrator has camouflaged her truths amongst other information (another wonderful example of this is Alan Moore’s ‘I Travel in Suspenders’ in Voice of the Fire). The strange and interesting details about wishing to have been born a werewolf, liking Constance and Richard Plantagenet, about disliking dogs and noise, is hand-waving, a distraction from what matters.

When I think of Jackson’s creation of Merricat, I’m reminded of that line from The Usual Suspects: ‘The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist’, and I think Jackson’s work is a bit like that. She tells us first of all that the devil does not exist (‘Here is the world, it is like this.’), but then undermines this the further we get into the story. With tiny details she gnaws away at supporting beams that seem unimportant until the whole structure begins to teeter. We are turned on our heads, which is the cleverest thing a writer can do via the unreliable narrator—but by first making us love this strange, broken girl, then in revealing her true nature, Jackson breaks our hearts. That’s what the best writing does. For the reader, Merricat will delight and disturb; for the writer, it sets a very high bar to which to aspire.

#Shirley Jackson #We Have Always Lived in the Castle #mahreviews

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