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mielwriting · 16 days ago

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In a Kaeya mood lately because of @chaoticsnowflake-ao3 's Kaeya-themed whumptober.

Does Kaeya know the Traveler knows about his fight with Diluc, him being sent as a spy, etc?

Because we the audience have known that since 1.0 from his and Diluc's character stories. But did Kaeya ever tell the Traveler?

Traveler read his hidden notes during Hidden Strife. But does he know that?

I'm sure he expected us to know about Khaenri'ah pretty early on; he and his spy network are probably aware of us meeting Dain at Angel's Share of all places.

And of course in the 3.5 Caribert quest the Traveler is sitting with them when it's casually revealed an Alberich founded the Abyss Order.

Anyway what I'm getting at it a fic where Kaeya, who values the Traveler's friendship and worry what they've come to think of him without having been directly told anything, has some sort of breakdown and anxiously confesses to the Traveler. Only for them to calmly say they knew the whole time and spend the rest of the fic comforting Kaeya.

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rudnitskaia · 28 days ago

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White Chrysanths for the Swallow

Rocky was waiting for her at the table at the Little Daisy, but this time he was especially eager. Even Ivy had stopped teasing him about the way he lighted up and hummed to himself as he waited for Mau to show up at the door of the café, and just smiled, refilling his coffee whenever it ran out. He almost daydreamed of handing Maura two tickets to tomorrow's musical: of her eyes sparkling, of her taking his hand and telling him he was the best in the world.

But time passed, and Mau wasn't coming.

In those few hours, Rocky had replayed the fantasy in his head hundreds of times, changing the lines and the scenery. At first, imaginary Maura was beaming with happiness, calling him affectionate names, melting in his arms like all those heroines on the stage of a musical theater in the arms of their beloved ones, but every time the fantasy became darker and darker. More disturbing. Mau no longer rejoiced, no longer smiled. Her bright lively figure was becoming more and more dim, and she more often sighed, frowned, did not accept the gift. She asked him to return the tickets, scolded him for wasting his money carelessly, told him some news, one worse than the other, and finally said she didn’t want to see him again. Never again.

It was getting unbearable to sit still, and Rocky abruptly moved away from the table, threw on his coat, and headed for the exit. Maybe a walk would clear his head a little…

“Miss Pepper, I have a very urgent task to attend to. If she shows up on the doorstep, don't let her out of here on any pretext. Lock the doors, board up the windows, show her every fashion magazine you can find, but don't let her leave here until I get back. I'm counting on your wit and exceptional charm.”

The way he looked intently into Ivy's eyes before he left looked almost threatening. He wasn't even aware of the desperation hiding behind that look. But Ivy saw it.

“Don't worry, I'm an expert at this,” she winked at him encouragingly.

The cold air blew across Rocky's face, and he shivered, pulling his scarf over his nose, the same funny skewed scarf Mau had knitted for him last Christmas. Sometimes, like now, Rocky thought he could still smell on it the very same scent of coffee and pastries that wafted from the Venza family's eatery. It didn't help distract him, though. Quite the opposite. After walking a few blocks in an attempt to escape his doubts, he spotted a small flower shop — Rocky's imagination immediately conjured up a lovely picture of Maura cradling a fresh spring bouquet on this cold, cloudy evening and he didn't notice himself stepping over the store’s doorstep. The frail old woman behind the counter put aside the newspaper and immediately chirped, offering him different flowers, and finally convinced him to take a few white chrysanthemums. She tied the flowers with a delicate pink ribbon and also wrapped them tightly in the newspaper she had read before.

“They mustn't be overfrozen. Or they won't last long,” she explained sternly.

Rocky walked back much more briskly. He was warmed by the thought that now he would be able to give Mau not one surprise, but two. Hiding the bouquet from a gust of cold wind, Rocky lowered his gaze to it and pressed the flowers closer to himself… when suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the headline of one of the newspaper articles.

“Shootout at the small Italian eatery Casa di Rondine shocked the residents… a bloody showdown in the neighborhood… occurred on the night… police identified the bodies of two…”

Rocky couldn't remember how he reached the familiar alleyway. How he threw the bouquet to the ground, swung over the barrier tape, and rushed to the entrance — a gaping hole instead of a small blue door. Shards of glass littered the floor, the formerly cozy, cramped hall was a real mess, the furniture was riddled with gunshots. Even the old tabletop radio was now on the floor, shattered to pieces.

“Stop right there!” a panting policeman grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. “What the hell are you doing breaking into a crime scene?”

“I… uh…” in his panic Rocky couldn't think straight, but nonetheless he blurted out: “I'm from a newspaper. Wanted to visit the crime scene myself.”

“A lousy reporter you are, then. Your buddies sniffed everything around here a long time ago.”

“I was just hired today and immediately assigned to this very intriguing case. So…”

“There's nothing intriguing about it. This Bianchi guy…”

“Who?”

“The renter, Augusto Bianchi, if that's his real name at all, apparently had a huge debt to pay someone. And for that, he got pinned down. There was a scuffle in the night, at least four assailants. The two guys we found here have a couple priors, but they're not in a condition to tell us who hired them. The amount of such cold cases we have…” the man hummed and passed his hand above his head. “We've already explained it all to your fellow scribblers this morning. And I highly doubt the landlord would want to tell the same story tenth times over to another newspaper weasel. The only thing he's interested in right now is getting money from the insurance company.”

“And the girl?”

“What girl?”

“The waitress. Who worked here. What about her?”

“Considering how much blood there is, they're probably both either in a ditch, scattered in pieces, or feeding fishes somewhere at the bottom of the Mississippi… both father and daughter, if you meant her,” boredly remarked the other officer, who had quietly approached them, lighting a cigarette. “There's nothing for you to do here, boy. Henry's right — there's absolutely nothing of interest in this case. People might have chattered about it in the morning, but the very next day they'll forget all about it. Go home, don't add to our workload. And quit the paper that sent you here. If your editor doesn't realize that news like this must be broken in the heat of the moment, believe me, their business will burn out faster than a short match.”

Rocky tried to get anything else out of them, at least a little bit, to look in the kitchen of the eatery, to slip upstairs to Mau’s and Augusto's apartment, but the policemen were adamant. On unsteady legs he made it to the nearest bench and collapsed on it, staring blankly into the dark November sky. He could have screamed, could have destroyed everything around him on a single painful impulse, but the emptiness that engulfed him was far more frightening.

His silence was more frightening.

Years would pass. Would flow, as before, from night to night. The world won’t notice his loss. The world won't notice any loss at all. In the place of his beloved swallow house, other birds will build a nest. Freckle and Ivy will eventually stop opening that wound with their questions. And one day, perhaps, he will stop gazing into the crowd, hoping to find among the unfamiliar faces the features dear to his heart, and stop flinching when he hears someone say amore mio. He knows how it happens — it was not the first time. All he has to do is smile and everything will work out. It'll wear off, getting back to the way it was. One day.

But the bouquet of chrysanths will still remain rotting on the cold ground.

#this ficlet was written in july and was supposed to become an announcement of a pause (or more like a full stop) to my fandom activities #because i was feeling sad and insecure for a long while about my own arts & texts (still are sometimes) and wanted to take a break #i planned to finish all the ideas & asks i had left; post this and go but i failed the task; the 'finishing' period stretched too much haha #and due to some recent events and a very meaningful talk i had with my best friend tonight i feel that this ficlet is not relevant anymore #it was posted on ao3 and ficbook in july but now i want to post it here anyway just to be here (for the history so to say)#and as a reminder that i almost allowed myself to abandon what brings me so much joy because of insecurities and overthinking #or maybe even if some of these 'overthinking voices' speak truth i'll try to find inner strength to be indifferent now (at least learn to)#anyway thank you for being here with me and supporting me fellas #you don't know how much all your support means and how grateful i'll always be for your care #heldig writings #lackadaisy #romaunce #maura venza oc #maura venza #rocky rickaby #lackadaisy rocky #rocky lackadaisy #ivy pepper #calvin mcmurray #calvin freckle mcmurray #augusto venza oc #augusto venza #lackadaisy oc #lackadaisy ocs #lackadaisyoc #lackadaisyocs #lackadaisy fanfiction

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the-woman-upstairs · 6 months ago

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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me #let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough #iwtv spoilers #interview with the vampire #armand #this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand #and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want #or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around #I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic #you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you #and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others #even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode #as a means of control both external and internal #this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of #armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior #and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship #idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires #all of this also ties into louis and daniel #because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him #someone HUMAN no less #and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis #breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t #not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones #it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize #like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia #I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself #it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors #that ultimately result in your own abandonment #god this fucking show

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gayofthefae · 2 months ago

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Queer ships are universally different and not comparable to straight ships in ship wars because without the ship/feelings/reciprocation all characters involved would still be queer because their queerness exists and is represented in them independently from specific romantic feelings and that queerness would still deeply affect their characters' relationships to themselves.

Queer ships are not the same as straight ships because queer ships are inherently indicative of something deeper in the individual that is affects their character arc to the core and straight ships are love stories.

Basically, the queer experience and the straight experience are not the same. I feel like people should know this, and I feel like people do, so I assume they just don't realize that that's what the conversation is. But I'm not fighting for the ship. I'm fighting for the characters to be queer. Your characters were already straight. You get what I'm begging for regardless. You think we'd have equal things - love stories - taken away but you're wrong.

If two people don't get together I don't have a love story to live vicariously through anymore. If two people aren't queer I'm not in the story anymore.

Hope this helps.

#lgbtq #stranger things #byler #buddie #sorry you like milkvan better than j@ncy that is upsetting if you dont get your fave #genuinely #but you can still have CHARACTERS you are represented by #you got a love story taken #i got a person #diff.er.ent.#i'm not fighting for mike to reciprocate will's feelings on will's behalf common misconception #i'm fighting for mike to be both queer and happy #and that in his own right requires will #if it didn't that'd be cool too #but 1. queer 2. believably happy #i never said a ship name even once there #but actually it's one of the reasons i find queer stories more interesting #because regardless theres something to rewatch for #oh mike didn't develop feelings for will until season 5 episode 5? that's fine! he was still queer the day troy screamed about fairies in hi #s face though. he was still queer when he described attraction in non gendered language. he was still queer when will said it's scary to tel #l people deep truths about yourself they might reject.#no matter what there is a retroactive recontextualizing fact about them that influences everything they do.#rewatch power!!!

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captainofthetidesbreath · 1 year ago

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[blows a kiss out to sea] for the Mighty Nein pirates arc

#I'm!! I have so many thoughts about why this arc is SO GOOD #But the short version is like #It is an arc about Fjord and identity and power and self and agency as he faces the truth of his patron and faces a rival warlock #But it is ALSO about Fjord grappling with those things bc he is ALSO processing grief and sadness and a search for direction and purpose #and grappling with disappointing disillusionment in how the world and people in your life (including maybe yourself) isn't what you thought #and about coming to resolve he has the agency and strength to not allow these things to deter him from purpose and place in the world.#And—this is why this is a PHENOMENAL arc—so is the rest of the Nein. Individually and as a group.#All of them are grappling with feelings of grief and sadness and disappointment and directionlessness and helplessness #just the grand malaise and relentless shapelessness of what living often is #They also as individuals and as a group together also find that resolve and strength to carry on and find self and purpose and direction #They all begin to process the very same things in their own lives and in their shared experience as The Nein. Simultaneously and together.#It's an arc about Fjord and self and agency in the face of disappointment and grief and disillusionment.#It's an arc about the Nein—individually and as a whole—and self and agency in the face of disappointment and grief and disillusionment.#It's SUCH a strong arc bc ALL of them are taking the same internal journey—structured around Fjord's very externalized version of it.#And it's got incredible vibes (pirate warlocks of a leviathan!) and some GREAT set pieces. And every NPC in the arc is iconic as is Twiggy.#Anyway. In my feelings about this arc. I said this is the short version and yet.#Critical Role things #CR meta

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bbqsauceonmytiddiez · 3 months ago

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ok once again I don't know too much about flowers but I like talking about them so bear with me lol

first of all morning glories are SO different than hydrangeas it seems almost like it was said on purpose

but one thing in common is they were always both very popular flowers in japanese culture since the heian era so sukuna just accessing megumi's flower memories seems like a very convenient LIE

especially with sukuna's line about sorcerers bonding with each other (sounds very possible for two sorcerers that shared a body) the themes of these flowers are so important imo. morning glories named after their morning bloom and mid-day fade represent the beauty in the fleeting moments just like everything else yuuji is trying to show, all the small things that make every life worthwile and important. hydrangeas on the other hand are associated with mutual understanding and unity. but they are also famous for having a very contrasting meaning in western culture: arrogance and a lack of empathy (what we see from sukuna all the time haha).

#keep reading for my copium #i always found the contrasting meanings of hydrangea fascinating and seeing the arrogant side of this physically #makes me believe it's not the complete truth he's giving us #the japanese meaning from HIS OWN PERIOD is that of unity of UNDERSTANDING AND BONDING #HE'S THE ONE TALKING ABOUT SORCERERS BONDING AND THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SOMEHOW TIED ANYWAY WE JUST DON'T KNOW YET #HE UNDERSTANDS #sure this bitch has been the king of curses for a long time but he knows there is something human inside him still #to what level he feels emotions is questionable there is undeniably a bond between them #gege i love your character writing gege i will kiss you on your forehead when i find you this time #jjk #jjk 265 #jjk spoilers #ryomen sukuna #flowers

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iristial · 1 month ago

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Since it's Gavv day and the debut of Kamen Rider Valen will be in a few hours' time, I'm popping in to say I'm somewhere between thinking Hanto's shishou will actually die or the show making it look like the shishou died, only for an additional flashback scene to reveal the shishou didn't get turned into a Hitopress because he's a Granute - specifically the one who ate Hanto's mum - and he was 1) trying to harvest his prey's son all this time or 2) genuinely fond of Hanto and when he discovered the Granutes will essentially give Hanto the power to fight the monsters, Hanto's shishou decided to go along with it for Hanto's sake

#14shyx #kamen rider #kamen rider gavv #personally i'm for the 'genuinely fond of hanto route' because the sheer tragedy of it all #eating someone to get a serotonin boost only to find happiness without resorting to cannibalism in your former prey's son of all ppl #who you also see as your own son!#and said son will probably despise you for all eternity once the truth is revealed so you have to keep that a guilty secret #my 'shishou is a granute' theory is based on that one scene where the shishou adjusted his pants in ep 1 #bc he sure looks like he's got a second mouth on his abdomen there....#well i'll find out whether this will be canon or another one for the personal canon after lunch today :)

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sourtomatola · 1 year ago

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Pinned post

Hi! I'm Sourtomatola, you can call me Sour or Toma. I'm happily drowning in the FNAF fandom, mostly for the daycare attendant, Sun and Moon. (also am certified Eclipse SIMP)

I write fics, draw (a lot of comics and fanart), and animate. I also have a Kofi shop who's sole item is embordered DCA butt earrings (for now)

I do not do requests. Please be respectful.

Ko-fi

Youtube

Stuff I've done you might enjoy:

Fic's: My AO3

Comics:

Dark fae AU series: MASTERPOST

Stalker Y/N AU (not Yandere)

First episode | Master post

Arsenic and Old lace AU:

Discovering a body | Accusations

Others of mine:

Farmer and chicken au

Pro(phesy) T-shirt AU

Sun eating glitter glue

Prosthetic AU: Part1 | Part2 | Part3

Learning Tolerance and fetch (comic) (Fic Here)

Big brother Moon: first | second

Candy Factory AU (aka Taking Candy for a Fool) Masterpost

Powerwash sim

Mothmen in the attic

THE PLUSHIE DEBACLE (True story)

Camelot AU : Masterpost

Light switched AU

Of Darkness and Stuffing Part1 | Part2 | Part3

Moon activation noise

Sun in a rocket

Sun vs fish

black eye fic

Spooder Moon fic

Not My AU/fic comics (credit's are in the posts):

Enthralling you enthralling me (Vampire AU) Masterpost

Anything for the truth

Sleuth Jesters: Masterpost

Cosmic Chaos (My story, not my AU): Masterpost

Villainous Trio (some fanart, and some creative liberties): Masterpost

Accidentally undercover:

Idiots in love

The brothers are all idiots

Biting the hand that feeds AU:

Meeting the boys

Moon's trolling

Moons hat

Ghost in the machine AU: Masterpost

Wine and feathers (and blood and feathers):

Harpy Sun being dramatic

harpy moon dancing animation

BAF Moon ficlet

Vampire equinox:

Eclipse Pic

Fic to go with the pic

Any comic related to The Sun and Moon show: Masterpost

One time comics AU:

Kappa Sun

I WANT MOON TO BITE ME (tw blood)

Dealer's choice, chapter 27

Beings made of stardust AU (sources of light fic tho)

Staff and security stinky

One time fics I didn't post to my AO3 (not my au's):

The dark Sun's approach

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karmaismyfriend · 4 months ago

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The truth will always come out eventually 😈

☮️💟☯️

#truthwillout #truth #karmic storm #karma is real #create your own drama you deserve the karma #fuck around and find out #gonna be great #can’t wait can’t wait #manipulative #liars #clout chasers #narcissists #pr relationships #pr shitshow

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lilacerull0 · 2 days ago

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i haven't even seen the episode yet, but learning about the fact that they didn't include such an essential aspect of the story is making me feel so irrationally sad

#letters from stephanie*#idk maybe it isn't essential maybe it's just too important to me... but without it you take away so much from lila...#she's not a crazy person that is too enigmatic for the audience to understand... lila is the character you feel in your soul #not explain in a few sentences. there is no Grand Secret of Lila to be revealed. you feel her or you don't and that's it.#yeah this is my hot take on lila. if the main takeaway is that she's a mysterious madwoman you're treating her the same #way all those men did. why can't we just feel things why does it have to be written in big shining letters #to be considered real and human. idk idk idk #she is surrealism the spirit of surrealism packed in a person and i think that is the truth of life. to misunderstand this is to completely #miss the point of lila as a character #which is that we as humans invent shapes to store the incomprehensible in and in that we take away from the reality of life #the raw beating heart of life. lila cerullo who has spent her life in one place who didn't get to go to school #understood and saw this beating heart of the universe and while studying history of her city she gets to...#extend the logic of it to the whole universe. she recognises these historical facts within her own being #she finds her daughter in these stories and she runs to her. i am so upset about this #i have to watch the episode though i can't betray my fundamental belief that you have to face life no matter what #ferranteposting #l'amica geniale #s4 spoilers #my brilliant friend spoilers #lila cerullo 🫀

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crazysodomite · 3 months ago

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person who brags about loving to block people: i will now proceed to harass this random person publically who is already being harassed by right wingers instead of blocking and moving on (btw that person did nothing except be annoying to me. in my own opinion) (btw im posting a literal right wing hate bait account and taking their word 100% on face value)

#btw things you find annoying are your own opinion and are not an universal truth #and its in fact not a sin or even an inherently bad thing to be annoying. TO YOU. btw. not inherently annoying but TO YOU

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roboyomo · 16 days ago

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BAD NEWS BAD NEWS PROMETHEUS IS NOW THE ONE HAUNTING MY THOUGHTS NOT KENIX ANYMORE

#NOOOOOO GET OUTTTTTTT AAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GET THIS FUCKER OUT OF HERE. OUT OF MY HEAD NOWWW #anyway. memento mori: the most important thing in the world Is a very prometheus song.#“Your life never mattered so who cares if it's a waste?”. that line.#prometheus to kenix if i dare to say that. No i will Not Elaborate #there is so many aspects to prometheus/ephai that i wish to explore deeper Man. they're so [EXPLODES]#they seem to be silly and fucked up on the surface but their whole thing is very. Existentialistic if you dig too deep into it #they've come to these conclusions alone. They've brought themselves here by their own actions. They gazed upon the truth with their own eye #and were Scared of it. Yet they have came to this conclusion that everything lacked meaning without the influence of the source #they saw everything as incomplete. there wasn't any purpose. and while trying to deny the truth by gouging their very own eyes out #they have wholeheartedly accepted it. since everything lacked a meaning. They found meaning in the Source. and decided to share it #to share the enlightement meant they had to ffind someone to help them. To find a needed vessel #ephai is very much carmen-like in my head. yeag they'd be the voice of distortion. Yes they'd adore abnormalities.#yomoposting #yomo ocs?!#ephai

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softshuji · 7 months ago

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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting #married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i #said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with #a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive #ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could #talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed #i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man #and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in #front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love #or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than #they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw #im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the #kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off #somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it #and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already #and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone #else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit #and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these #decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.

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theskeletoninthegarden · 6 months ago

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Sorry about the theater of emotions going on my face from across the room. I'm trying to resolve an argument that I made up between two fictional characters.

#personal #sorry i didnt tell you that your brother was killed and replaced by a robot #it seemed pretty insignificant to me in the grand scheme of things #more then that id known for so long my mind defaulted to assuming #that it was universal knowledge for everyone #and in that reality that i learned the truth you were unaffected #if it means anything to the both of us i never used that knowledge to grow closer to you #i used that i knew you were a good man to want to know you #where you would be to find you #who you chose to align yourself to be worthy of standing at your side #we shared a bed for rest #and each other for comfort #we could have built a home and were taking all the careful steps to grow closer without scaring the other away #without scaring our own selves away #and were amazed by the ease in which we fell into each other #you look me in the face and say you understand how i could make this mistake #and we both understand why this can no longer be #but this world is indifferent and in you and in i and in each other we have found someone kind #is it selfish of yourself to yourself if you choose to not only allow us to continue but want it to?#what i have done by not doing may remain unforgivable #i will never ask of you any different #but it does not make us impossible #even if every law of societal standard should say otherwise #society is not you it is not i #it shapes us and frame out lives #but our willingness to act for or against it is our own decision #however unconscious

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stardust-moth · 16 days ago

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looking at some takes on characters or relationships or scenes in which things happen between them and just thinking,

How in the hell are people interpreting it this way??? But then i step back and realize that the story or character in question is fundamentally and extraordinarily different from the average person's life experience and I go,

ah,

you guys just... don't have a deep enough understanding of trauma responses...

#mine #vagueblogging again i guess but this applies to many things #its honestly okay that the general public doesn't grasp the deeper layers at play because tbh theyre not often explored in media #to that degree at least #ive known someone with deep. Deep. DEEP traumas #shit that no human should ever go through and sounds almost cartoonishly evil #and the truth is #healing from that is UGLY. the impact it has on how a person interacts with their life is unimaginable #and it often makes NO SENSE AT ALL to someone who hasn't experienced the same shit #it's not as simple as 'i'm sad or scared and i cry easily but if youre nice to me and love me it'll go away'#in my own experience of loving someone like that #you sometimes have to work at helping them rewrite their entire philosophies.#things you wouldnt even think of #sometimes expressing sadness or pain is the hardest part about it because they're so used to turning the other cheek to survive #sometimes theyre so used to being manipulated that they reject any kindness you offer in the most viscerally violent way #and it hurts!#communication is HARD!#receiving love is HARD!#i was listening to Raon Lee's cover of Kokoronashi #and thinking about how raw the emotions are in the lyrics #and how so many average joes out there wouldn't be able to make any sense of it but those who do get it really get it #(essentially like... 'i wish you would just get it overwith and tear me apart #bc it would hurt less than the confusion i feel at how you're kind to me and holding me and promising to never let go...#at least i know how to handle the pain of dying #this is so confusing and frightening what youre doing to me. i hate it i hate it but please... don't leave me alone')#(its such a gorgeous song)#sHIT AND THEN 2 SECONDS LATER I FIND KOHANA LAM'S COVER OF IT AND IT'S SO MUCH MOR E #for the love of god look up that song and turn on lyrics captions

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chirpsythismorning · 1 year ago

Text

📝 💐 🛼 💔⏪️💭🧊🌄❤️‍🩹

Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

previous ⏪︎ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist

#stranger things #bizarre love triangle playlist #el hopper #el’s pov #el is so fleetwood mac coded 😭#this one was hard to find a gif for bc I feel like this song fits a lot with her inner turmoil during her time at nina #brenner’s whole speech here about not being able to let go #‘youre regressing eleven’#all of this progress she had outside of the lab #a lot of that progress was tied to mike (or at least el thinks she owes a lot of that progress to mike)#i feel like she sees him as someone who saved her and bc of that she’s scared of letting go of (the idea of) their relationship #if mike isn't telling her he loves her... let alone showing it #what does that mean for her and all the progress she’s made?#so she tries her best to cling onto the idea of their relationship #even if it means lying about everything #but then how can she actually progress and become her own person if she’s ashamed of the truth?#and so yeah no duh she’s regressing #the lyrics sort of fit with her going on this journey all while her feelings are in the background guiding her #'can the child within my heart rise above?'#being able to grow while also mourning not having the childhood she deserved... can those two things co-exist?#'well i've been afraid of changing cuz' i've built my life around you'#'but time makes you bolder. even children get older. i'm getting older too.'#el isn't the same girl the boys found in the woods #she has grown so much since then #and yet at the same time she hasn't #bc she can't progress if she keeps holding onto this idea of what she has to be to be enough for mike #bc it's not about being enough for him #it's about being true to herself #4x05 #gif

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