#finding ways to help Viktor who they both acknowledge is struggling a lot

[jayktoralldaylong]

"We finally got Jayvik, why aren't you happy?"

Cause Jayce's bisexuality is getting erased by the Jayvik fans. 😑 (I swear it was the exact same problem with Meljay, people insisting that Jayce is not gay. Now, they're doing it the other way around and pretending like he only tolerated her. Which is insane).

Like bisexual people are fictional characters and it is IMPOSSIBLE for people to love more than one person.

Even if you don't ship MelJayVik, saying that Jayce at no point loved Mel? That his feelings for her were not real??? Whaaaat?

Fought so hard just to win and lose at the same time. Cause yeah, people now agree that Jayce is in love with Viktor.......and now they're erasing Mel.

"Mel is an empath so she only reflects-"

Yeah, she's REFLECTING all the LOVE that Jayce feels for HER and PROVING that he feels it for Viktor TOO!! Mel is not a replacement Viktor, they look nothing like, they act nothing alike. 😭 They are two different and yet similar people and he loved them BOTH!

People really took "Mel is an empath" and ran with it right into the ditch.

[sunderwight]

Thinking about Alpha Timeline Jayce and Viktor, from the very first iteration of events, the one Mage Viktor is from and thus also the one where no mage went back in time and rescued Jayce and his mom from the blizzard. If such a thing exists and it's not just a big ole paradox, anyway. But I like to think that it does, it makes sense. There had to be a first version of events, right? One that wasn't yet tampered with by magical intervention in the timestream, the one where Viktor did indeed just destroy everyone. Alpha Timeline Jayce included.

A timeline where there was no mage to rescue Jayce and his mom from the blizzard. I imagine this means Ximena dies, but Jayce lives long enough for some other form of help to find him. Maybe that form is also magical, maybe some mage lights a fire for him or does something else that's less flashy but still leaves an impression, a yearning in young Jayce for the power to have potentially saved his mother.

I don't recall what the deal is with Jayce's dad, if he's dead or not or when he died if so, but for the purposes of this timeline let's assume that if he's still around during the blizzard period he nevertheless doesn't survive long after Ximena's death. Jayce inherits the Talis hammer factory, but he's still just a kid. He lives as something of a mascot/figurehead for a while, at least until various shareholders sell the business off to competitors and his inheritance is, more or less, bartered out from underneath him while he's still too young to understand what's going on. By the time he hits his mid teens, Alpha Timeline Jayce has lost the last connection he had to his parents and his more peaceful childhood existence, and has been exposed to the cynical and often two-faced machinery of Piltover's social system. He's still not much of a politician by nature, but this time that knowledge of self comes with a lot of bitterness and self-recrimination attached. Being "careless" (read: a minor) cost him his family legacy (that he wouldn't have particularly wanted in the timeline where he could have kept it, not that he knows that).

With positions in the academy highly coveted and sponsors limited, Jayce's road to becoming a scientist is a lot more difficult the first time around. House Talis isn't even a respectable middle-class family, it's barely even a recognized house anymore, and forget about getting sponsored by Cassandra Kiramman, Jayce basically has to rely on luck and several other mid-class houses to cobble together enough support to attend the academy. This version is a lot more like League Jayce (also a Jayce Giopara by the time he meets Viktor, perhaps?), and a lot more paranoid about letting anyone do anything for him, a lot more aggressive about sticking his name directly onto any project he's even tangentially involved with because otherwise he knows the credit can be swept out of his hands and leave him just holding the bill afterwards.

This causes him to butt heads with Alpha Timeline Viktor, who is also struggling along (even more than Jayce, given he still comes from the undercity of course), with both of them vying for positions as assistants to more established academy members, and access to funding. Viktor thinks Jayce is a blowhard with too much flash and ego, and smarts from a few incidents of Jayce stealing the credit and spotlight from him (Jayce can do this mostly just by not going out of his way to acknowledge Viktor all the time, by virtue of Viktor's even less "respectable" background), and Jayce finds Viktor's prickly attitude and conflicting standards (i.e. Viktor not really wanting to be put in leadership positions on projects but then getting miffed when Jayce does what he's seen every other project leader do) to be frustrating.

On the other hand, Jayce also treats Viktor as a respected peer in terms of intellect regardless of his background, and Viktor still becomes the first person to take any of Jayce's theories about technology and magic seriously. I imagine they meet before the Apartment Explosion Incident in this timeline, by virtue of Jayce actually getting into the academy sooner and having to grind more for it, since he has no parents to either be reluctant to see him depart from the family business or help him find sponsorships. So when the apartment break-in does happen, and Jayce's experiments with magic are uncovered and he's initially disgraced, Viktor still helps talk him off the ledge.

Because this version of Jayce is less idealistic (though still not a bad guy by most standards), this version of Viktor is more cynical also. He has less of a tether to the notion of scientific pursuit as something pure and joyful. When they work together they're often arguing quite a bit. This version of Viktor also ends up being closer to his League counterpart, using proto hextech inventions and combining them with cybernetic implants from an earlier stage to do things like create "safety features" for mine workers that bypass their autonomy in the name of avoiding human error. Jayce, who had his livelihood and his family's business swept out of his hands by being bypassed "for his own good" in his youth, doesn't take well to these incidents. Meanwhile Viktor sees this direction as the only one that might yield the results he needs to possibly cure his illness, trusting even less in some idealized vision of him and Jayce just science-ing their way through the problem. The schism between them over Jayce's increasingly public success and political trajectory is also wider. Viktor keeps even more of his personal struggles to himself and has even less sympathy for Jayce's packed schedule, while Jayce is even more baffled and annoyed by Viktor's mercurial moods and private projects.

Jayce and Mel also have a rather more cynical dynamic, I imagine. This version of Jayce doesn't need any bonus motivations to pursue his own political best interests or secure his personal position, but there's still a mutual attraction, so Mel pulls out a card from her mother's playbook and is like "well that was fun, no need to take it too seriously" after they sleep together, and Jayce is kind of expecting it and doesn't go in for the cuddles. He still definitely wants the cuddles though.

Despite his more contentious and less contentious relationships overall, Jayce still wants deeper connections with the people around him, in fact. And he still gets attached, even if he's worse at expressing it. And he still rushes to commit mad science to save Viktor's life, against Viktor's stated wishes to destroy the hexcore instead. And Viktor still leaves him afterwards. And Jayce is still fucked up about it. But, he's also more invested in The Grind and his council position, so instead of hibernating in his lab he throws himself more into handling the current political crisis. Which means he isn't there when Heimerdinger and Ekko break in. Thus he never leads them to the anomaly, or goes there himself, and that whole plot arc never happens. Ekko and Heimerdinger just workshop some possible treatments for the tree and are still trying to fix it by the time shit hits the fan.

Ambessa does still launch things into martial rule under Caitlyn of course, except this time she gets to "secure" one of the scientists behind hextech (Jayce). Despite being a bigger douche in this timeline, though, Jayce is still not really onboard with making hextech weapons for Noxian soldiers to use against the underprivileged, and since he and Caitlyn aren't as close in this timeline either, he gets to go through his Tour of Pain courtesy of Ambessa's attempts to coerce him. So Jayce goes "missing" by way of being imprisoned, a state of affairs he manages to escape after Singed leads Vander/Warwick to Stillwater and Ambessa gets distracted by hunting down the werewolf with a much more biddable mad scientist in hand.

Jayce makes his own way to Viktor's commune, and Viktor is like, oh hey there you are, good news I'm not mad at you anymore, would you like to become one with me? Whereas Jayce is like, Viktor what the fuck, you left to go start a cult? Why is that hot? Ugh no forget it we can unpack that later, soft maybe on the becoming one thing does it involve sex no wait shelve that, there's a Noxian takeover we have to deal with first. So the fight that badly injures Viktor is actually against Ambessa in the commune, with Singed explaining to Jayce that they can save Viktor but they have to sacrifice Vander to do it.

To his credit, Jayce is like, no I learned my lesson from last time. We're only doing mad science to resurrect Viktor if he signs the consent form first. Which Viktor does, because Ambessa and her forces are still out there and he and/or the hexcore and possibly also Jayce even managed to convince him that all of this is necessary to save everyone, and also because this version of Jayce being less of an idealist has led to a version of Viktor who is less of one as well. Machine Herald Viktor basically steamrolls the Noxians and then was welcomed back to Piltover openly as a hero.

Uh-oh.

So Jayce figures out that Viktor's "glorious evolution" is in fact a huge problem in the eleventh hour and after he's unwittingly led him back to the anomaly he needs to finish his ascendance, but by then there's nowhere close to the resources necessary to put up much of a fight about it. He mostly tries to fight Viktor alone or with whatever allies he can grab last minute (Mel if she hasn't left for Noxus yet, maybe also Vi and/or Jinx who are likely to be on the warpath about Vander, Caitlyn if she's nearby, etc), and he only gets anywhere with that because Viktor still wants him to join with him willingly.

But anyways, it fails, Viktor "wins", and then gets to sit in the ruins of his triumph and lament. I imagine that when he starts tinkering with alternate timelines, there is a part of him that still thinks he's correct on some level. Like clearly something went wrong in the process, because the end results haven't worked out as he'd hoped, but he's not sure what exactly it was yet. But maybe Jayce will know, because Jayce was always good at catching things that Viktor missed (and vice versa)? The version of Jayce which Viktor merged with... it didn't work right. It wasn't supposed to result in Jayce being gone, being silent, like this. Viktor can't hear his voice to ask him questions anymore, so the first thing he goes looking for in another timeline is Jayce.

But he miscalculates a little bit (first time doing anything remotely like this, even a "perfect" hextech god needs some margin of error), and he ends up finding Jayce when Jayce is only a child, stranded in a blizzard with his mother. Viktor rescues them, but he's still trying to win an argument in his head about it, so he's also very "look how cool I am" about it. Like behold, New Jayce, I am going to win so many arguments even though I'm also reeling from being wrong about something that might have actually been the most important argument we ever had. Aren't I nearly perfect? Once you finish baking into a hunk you can tell me what part of the equation wasn't completely right and then I really will finally be completely perfect. I am prepared to wear down your skepticism and -- wait why are you looking at me like that? You're looking at the magic, right? Uh... look see, here's a rune! Magic, that's... that's the thing. To be looking at that way. Okay gotta go bye!

It takes a few iterations before Viktor arrives at the "there is no prize to perfection, only an end to pursuit" conclusion about where he actually did go wrong, and by then he's made rescuing Jayce + Ximena and being flashy as hell about it a standard part of the process. You will pry baby Jayce's awestruck look of wonder from his dead robot hands actually. Also clearly he is doing a better job of this than the original mage who couldn't even rescue Jayce's mom about it. Loser. His ego also needs to consolation prize if he's going to accept that overall Asshole Grownup Jayce was, in fact, more right than he was. At least at first.

He has mixed feelings about all the subsequent Jayces being sweetie pies, too. Like obviously it's a net improvement for both Jayce and the other versions of Viktor that he has better emotional regulation and is less of a gloryhound, but it also makes it all the more obvious that even though he can speak with versions of Jayce, the OG is still gone. Surprisingly few iterations of Jayce turn into dickheads, and even fewer respond to the revelation of Viktor's apocalypse by turning against him, even though Viktor initially assumed that would be the standard. They all definitely have thoughts on the situation, and none of them want their own timelines to be doomed, but most of them do also try to and help Viktor. Most of them are still willing to follow his advice. Even after everything.

It is... humbling.

By the time he gets to Arcane Jayce, he's not even prevaricating or showboating (much) anymore. He shows Jayce his human face, lets things unfold as they will, is simultaneously detached (he doesn't get Jayce out of the pit he's fallen into, Jayce has to do that himself) but also romantic ("only you can show me this") and even lets this version have OG Jayce's hammer to replace the one he had to dismantle for his leg brace. This is Jayce simultaneously at his best, his lowest, his brightest, his most noble, and most different from the first and yet still perhaps most different from Viktor's preconceptions about him rather than the core of his true self. Mage Viktor told himself he was refining his evolutionary process, but in reality what he ended up doing was distilling different versions of Jayce, unlocking the formula for the one that could stop him.

But also wouldn't leave him.

[gravity-barbie]

The moment the Hargreeves know they love you HCs

‘Part one’ (The moment you know you love the Hargreeves)

TW: Mentions of death in Klaus’

Masterlist

Luther Hargreeves

-Luther realizes he loves you fairly early on, as is easy to do when you’re as  affection starved as he is

-He’s fairly whipped over you right away but leaned more towards puppy-love in the early days

-Something of note is that he still carries a lot of insecurity, over a lot of things, but especially his mutation so he’s equally scared of repulsing you as he is smitten by you

-So he damn near has a panic attack when you accidentally see him shirtless, something he had tried so hard to avoid with all kinds of excuses and distractions 

-However he wildly overestimated your judgement, rather than treating him like the monster he feels like, your biggest concern is making sure he’s okay, taking care to assure him that it doesn’t change anything on your end, and it is impossible for Luther to not fall in love with you as you make him feel more accepted than he has in years

Diego Hargreeves

-Diego has some issues with trust and vulnerability so while internally he’s growing quite attached to you, he struggles to acknowledge it

-Though overtime it becomes increasingly hard to ignore the intimacy in your relationship, you’ve even trusted him with a lot of your own feelings or secrets

-You always patch him up when he gets injured and he starts to crave your same healing presence for his emotional wounds, often finding he wants to talk to you whenever something goes wrong

-After an especially rough argument with his siblings he seeks you out because you’re a safe space for him and is unusually receptive to your comfort and actually tells you what happened when you ask, granted attempting a casual tone

-And like you’ve tried to do multiple times, you’re able to make him feel better by him just letting you in, your understanding though optimistic by his standards advice, your emphatic assurance of his capability, your eagerness to help all warm his heart to no end and he finds it in himself to tell you he loves you

Allison Hargreeves

-Allison really likes you, but she’s kind of guarded, she carries a lot of shame and regret that leaves her navigating your relationship cautiously 

-You likely won’t notice at first as she tends to keep these kinds of things to herself, but not being as open with you as she wants to has caused her a lot of angst 

-Overtime your intuition begins to overpower her secrecy though and even if you keep quiet she’s perceptive enough to know you’re catching on, leaving the pair of you in an awkward position where you both know more than you’re saying, at least until she talks herself into being honest

-She with great stress sits you down, worrying you with comments like “You might not ever be able to look at me the same way again after this” before heart-achingly explaining the lowest moments of her life, rumoring Viktor, rumoring Claire and even rumoring someone to love her

-You’re not okay with what she’s done and you don’t pretend you are but you still take her in your arms and assure her your feelings for her haven’t changed and it’s the kindness and trust you’re still willing to offer her that makes her realize she loves you

Klaus Hargreeves

-Klaus realizes he loves you not long after you lose a loved one actually

-Once the natural instinct to think solely of you starts to ease up a little he braces himself, ready for a tough conversation he thinks is inevitable... yet it never comes

-He was sure it was only a matter of time until you asked him to conjure the person you lost, that you couldn’t possibly date a man who could commune with the dead and not pull that card at a time like this

-So he ends up asking you why you haven’t asked, because honestly as much as he didn’t want to he was ready to do it

-And when you tell him you’re willing to deal with grief the old-fashioned way because you’re not going to use him and put him through an experience he hates, your selfless consideration for his feelings makes him realize he’s in love with you

Viktor Hargreeves

-Viktor falls in love with you quite easily but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful

-You immediately catch his attention with your kindness and it’s a big factor in you two soon getting together however part of him still struggles to trust it at first

-You do however make a good case for yourself, consistently making an effort to make him feel special yet encouraging him to find other sources of validation too so he’s not dependent on you

-This pursuit is what inspires you to reach out to his siblings to invite them to his upcoming violin concert to... little success, ultimately Allison is the only person you’re able to persuade but seeing Viktor’s smile when he realizes she’s there makes you feel very accomplished 

-After the performance the three of you hang out for a bit and when you excuse yourself for a moment the conversation quickly turns to you with Allison remarking you’re a good one and telling Viktor how proud you were of him and how annoyed you were at the others for not coming, confirming Viktor’s long-held suspicion that he’s completely in love with you 

[neon-sunsets]

how to write disabled characters in a not ableist way

(a very incomplete guide by one singular disabled person who cannot possibly cover the vastly diverse range of disabled experiences and opinions)

for some quick background: i am neurodivergent (autistic/adhd, ocd) and mentally ill. i have chronic pain (fibromyalgia and migraines), me/cfs, and i’m currently using a cane for good old fashioned Mystery Illness reasons. this post is mainly directed at people writing viktor from arcane since he’s really the only canonically disabled character from the. two whole fandoms i’m in (at least, the only one i routinely see being mishandled), but a lot of these points can apply to any character or fandom. so, without further ado:

disability is an inherently neutral state of existence. there are both good and bad things about being disabled, but ultimately it is a state of existence just like any other individual marginalized state of existence. most of the issues we face come from lack of access to resources, systemic and social ableism, and the intersection of disability both with class and with other marginalized identities. that’s not to say that we don’t struggle in and of ourselves, but it is to say that in a perfect society our disability would have a different impact on us. 

please don’t write magical fantasy cures. i understand where the desire comes from, believe me. but as a nondisabled person, it’s insensitive and ableist to remove this important aspect of a character’s identity. we get so little representation in general, and so taking this away from a character just stings. also, the idea that all disabled people need or want to be cured stems from deeply ingrained ableism that impacts us on a daily basis. 

this goes for all groups you aren’t part of, but do your research. even as a disabled writer, my insight only extends to my own disability and that of my disabled friends and family. so i do research! it’s not hard — there are plenty of disabled people on the internet who talk about their experiences, as well as countless factual articles about various disabilities. i would suggest finding multiple perspectives, and please seek out disabled voices!! this will make your fic more accurate — you have no idea how many times i’ve laughed at a fic where a character with back pain sits in a soft chair to supposedly help the pain, when that’s not what you should be doing at all! in this specific instance, hard chairs or lying down is generally a much less painful option. this information exists and you can find it!

don’t ignore the character’s disability. being disabled is only one aspect of a character or person’s identity, but it should not be ignored or erased. consider all of the ways that their disability impacts them and work them into the story in subtle everyday ways. 

similarly, don’t make it their only personality trait. this one seems pretty self explanatory, but there’s a balance between acknowledging that a character is disabled and making that all you talk about. 

don’t infantilize the character. disabled adults are adults. they should not be treated like children or less capable purely because they’re disabled. disabled adults do pretty much everything that abled adults do. don’t make other characters constantly have to take care of them. this is especially relevant for neurodivergent disabled characters, because neurodivergent people are more likely to be infantilized. 

don’t use AUs as an excuse to erase disability. be creative with your fantasy and sci-fi AUs. some good places to look for inspiration might be table-top rpg disability projects — i can think of @/dnd.disability on instagram off the top of my head, but a quick google search tells me there are definitely others. also, there are some things that are fairly consistent, regardless of universe: most mobility aids can be translated easily into different aesthetics, and potions or elixirs can substitute for medication. 

final note: this post is meant to educate, not accuse or “cancel” anyone. we’re always learning, and there’s no shame in not having known something. if you’ve done any of the negative portrayals that i’ve listed, that doesn’t make you a horrible person nor does it make you inherently ableist. it makes you a human being who lives in a society full of ingrained ableism. there’s always room to learn. 

disabled folks please comment additions!! if i’ve missed anything or misrepresented anything please let me know - this is only based on my own experience and other folks may have different insights!

[eeemarvel]

In Hero Reform (and in one of your lovely replies to me), it's mentioned that Viktor wore a very revealing hero costume as a teen, which Yakov and Lilia allowed him to do once he threw a tantrum, because they wanted him to feel better .

In your very kind (and funny!) reply to the horror movie ask, it's mentioned that it didn't even occur to Lilia that Yuri P could find the horror movie scary.

What do you think of Yakov and Lilia's parenting style?

(No need to answer if you don't want to/don't feel like it, ofc!😊)

😂😂😂😂😂

This is fantastic. So, I have absolutely no idea why I made Yakov, Lilia AND Celestino Victor and YP's parents. It was just an unexplainable knee jerk reaction when I was first writing this and it's admittedly a bit silly but idc. Also, as time went on, it just made more sense in my mind for their characters. It was just easier for three out of depth, overworked adults to raise 2 kids than it was for one to do it by themselves.

Yakov was not always the parental figure that he is now, someone who is firm, but mostly fair, loving, and very protective. He originally tried to raise Victor and Yuri P. the way he taught heroes: with a firm fist and no mercy. He was far too emotionally distant for a father, unwilling to accept when the boys made mistakes, and valued discipline over everything else. But, of course, Victor and Yuri did not respond too well to being held under a thumb, headstrong as they are. Many many tantrums (Yuri's), fights, and slammed doors helped Yakov to learn that he needed to take a slightly more gentle approach.

Old Yakov: This is the second time this week that I've caught you sneaking out. That means you will spend two months in this room and you've got dish duty until I say so.

Lil' Victor: But—

Old Yakov: This isn't a discussion.

Lil' Victor at nobody because Yakov has left: YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!

After the terror that is Yuri P. entered their lives, Yakov quickly learned that some changes needed to be made...

New Yakov: Now, why am I watching you climb through a bedroom window right now, Yura?

Slightly smaller Yuri: .... the front door was locked.

New Yakov: Naturally. And what were you doing at this hour?

SS Yuri: Nothing... I just wanted to see Mila.

New Yakov: Unless Mila is a vampire, I'm positive she'll be more than happy to see you during the day, and if not, she's welcome to have dinner with us anytime.

SS Yuri: ...Really??

New Yakov: Certainly. That is of course after your punishment has lifted which will be two months from now. You're taking Victor's dish duty starting tomorrow. We'll continue this discussion in the morning. Good night.

SS Yuri: But—

Lilia is quite similar to Yakov when it comes to parenting but her thing is that she has a very skewed perspective about what she finds to be upsetting or triggering. So, while Yakov was unfazed by tears, Lilia was positively baffled.

Old Lilia: There will be no dessert until all of your toys have been properly put away, and that's final.

Teeniest Yuri: ｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡

Old Lilia: W-w-what? What's happened?? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?????

Teeniest Yuri: ｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡*intensifies*

Old Lilia: What did I say??? Celestino, what did I say??

Celestino, who is somehow more "normal" than Yakov and Lilia really helps out in situations like this so that Lilia can learn and adjust:

Lilia 2.0: Your dessert is waiting for you, Yura. We'll eat together when you've finished putting all of your toys away.

Teeniest Yuri who knows he's not gonna starve: °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

For Celestino, trying to parent with Yakov and Lilia is like Chris Pratt trying to subdue those dinos. Yakov is very militaristic, disciplined, and emotionally distant by nature. Lilia is the same, possibly more so as she was trained at the Guild of Champions. They're both not great at dealing with emotions: Yakov doesn't pick up on when people have them and Lilia doesn't realize that pain, death, mortal danger, and significant life events aren't the only reasons why someone may feel strong emotions. When Yakov does realize that someone is having BIG feelings, he sometimes just... ignores them/doesn't acknowledge them at all... something that he still struggles with but is better at now than before.

But Celestino is just a guy who has great abilities and trained those abilities at the Grand Prix like most heroes. He understands people. He understands when someone is hurt or when there is more to their feelings than what they express through words. So, like a normal compassionate/empathetic person. Celestino started at 0 (maybe 3 or 4) when he became a parent while Yakov and Lilia started at negative 10.

Celestino: Oooh, all dressed up? Where are you guys going?

Lilia: I'm taking the kids to see Naomi.

Celestino: ... giant mutant lizard owner Naomi or pastry chef Naomi?

Lilia: The former.

Celestino: Ok, perhaps don't????

Lilia, huffing agitatedly: Fine. But it's the pastry chef that has the license to kill.

It was also Celestino that reluctantly took Victor's side when he threw a tantrum over his super suit. Lilia and Yakov's argument was that a hero suit was a uniform, a mark of power and trustworthiness that should stand out in a crowd. And not stand out like that as a teenager in the fishbowl that is the world of super heroes. Celestino agrees with this but.... there are exceptions.

Celestino reasoned that a lot of Victor's choices were taken away from him as a kid and that he didn't have the chance to explore and grow the way normal kids did. Victor experienced a lot of trauma and he wanted to take control of his life again. He wanted to feel happy, confident, and strong again. If that meant Victor had to wear a slightly risque super suit... then so be it??? It wasn't too bad after all. And Victor was a good kid, a hero, and his taste in fashion changed like the wind. He'd want a new super suit by the end of the winter anyway. Teen Victor rarely threw huge tantrums. He may have shouted back out of anger, whined a bit, or tried to plead with puppy dog eyes, but he rarely ever went off on a screaming, tearful tirade. That was Yuri P.'s thing. So when Victor snapped, Celestino knew that this was a big deal to him.

Somehow the three manage to balance each other out. And the boys know that they are well loved even if 2/3 of their parents have a funny way of showing it.

[katsukiyuuri-nikiforov]

Miscommunications in the Margin of Language

AO3 here

It takes Yuri all of 72 hours to realize other-Yuri speaks Russian.

It isn’t something that’s hard to figure out.

Of course, other-Yuri isn’t obvious about it. He never speaks it- though, if Yuri had to guess he’d say the pig is probably perfectly capable- and he doesn’t participate in the conversations between Viktor and him, never even going as far as to nod in the appropriate places. But he listens, and sometimes Viktor will give Yuri a correction, and other-Yuri follows the order without a second thought, straightening an arm, or standing up taller, even though he’s all the way across the rink.

And he listens to the conversations with a detached ear, occasionally letting out quiet huffs of laughter at some of Viktor’s more ridiculous turns of phrase. He just sits and listens, even as he appears to be doing something else; stretching or bandaging his feet before tying skates, or even just brushing Makkachin. Yuri knows from experience that listening to a language you don’t understand for that long can be trying; music is your best friend is foreign countries.

And when Hiroko mentions that other-Yuri studied languages and linguistics, well, it suddenly clicks into place, confirms what Yuri is pretty sure he’s known since the first day.

He doesn’t think much of it. Takes stock of the knowledge, adjusts his conversations with Viktor accordingly, privately acknowledges that other-Yuri is clearly very intelligent (Not only does he know three languages, but three completely different alphabets too. Yuri is fairly certain he wouldn’t have graduated without at least passing literate comprehensibility in his chosen languages (it doesn’t surprise Yuri in the least that he chose Russian) ) and moves on.

~

Yuri anticipates other-Yuri’s arrival is Russia with trepidation and excitement, in that order, not that he’d ever admit that out loud.

He’s found that Yuri is far better company than Viktor, quiet and supportive and caring in a way that doesn’t make Yuri feel like he’s being suffocated.

So when Viktor asks him if he wants to come to meet Katsudon at the airport he grumbles a lot but agrees before Viktor has enough time to rescind the offer.

By the time they arrive, other- Yuri is already waiting by the carousel, watching as the bags spin past with an impatient expression on his face.

“Lubov! We’re here!” Viktor practically drapes himself across his fiancé, and Yuri tries hard to stifle his snickers when other-Yuri jumps, and pushes him off, before turning to Yuri.

“Yura! How have you been?” He asks, wrapping arms around his shoulders in a bracing hug Yuri wants to hate but can’t.

Yuri doesn’t bother answering in English, ‘Fine, now get off me!’

Other- Yuri raises an eyebrow, but shrugs and let's go, moving to grasp Viktor’s hand in his own. The old man doesn’t seem to notice, and Yuri can’t help but wonder if he knows yet, or if he’s really just that dense.

He wonders if other Yuri knows that he knows, or if he to doesn’t even really differentiate between the languages anymore then Yuri does when he spends enough time in an English speaking country. They start to blur together. He doesn’t care enough to ask.

Two days later and other- Yuri and Viktor are in the rink, up before dawn, and skating before even Yakov is there. Skating in Russia is different than skating anywhere else. They work harder, longer, and Yuri doesn’t think that other-Yuri is going to be able to handle it, but it’s noon already by the time Yuri gets on the ice, and they’re both still there, Viktor watching from his position on the rink- even though Yuri’s pretty sure he’s supposed to be warming up- as other- Yuri runs through his step sequences. Even Yuri admits they’re beautiful, at least, he admits it to himself, he’s always thought so, but the love lorn look on Viktor’s face has gone so past professional admiration, past coach-ly pride, and into sickeningly in love that Yuri shouldn’t be held responsible for his actions. He’s a child and the lust in Viktor’s eyes is most certainly not appropriate. He’s saved from possibly having to go to jail by Yakov, who’s screaming Viktor’s name the minute he spots him hovering on the ice. Other- Yuri doesn’t falter, only adjusts his position so he’s occupying the corner of the rink Yakov had just told Viktor his student could use. Viktor doesn’t seem to notice that other-Yuri’s already there, already keeping his position, only relays the message in English, and turns to face Yakov, but Yuri notices, and judging from the squinty glare Yakov is throwing the other- Yuri, so did he.

Practice continues in the same vein. Viktor and other-Yuri show up for practice at obscenely early hours for Yuri’s private rink time. Their practice over laps for about two hours, with other-Yuri’s cool down and Viktor’s warm up, and then Yuri disappears sometime in the middle- Yuri later finds out it’s for ballet, with Lilia, who genuinely seems to like him- only to return towards the end to watch the last of Viktor’s private ice time with Yakov, who also seems to genuinely like him. Yuri isn’t sure how other-Yuri managed it, but everyone at the rink seems to love him. He even heard some of the ice dancers whispering in the lunch room yesterday about how good he was for Viktor.

About two weeks in he’s pretty sure that everyone at the rink is aware that other- Yuri has at least a passing comprehension in Russian except his own fiancé, who continues to translate random phrases that he deems important. He catches Yakov speaking quietly with him in Russian over the edge of the rink, Viktor nowhere in sight, and while other-Yuri is definitely answering in English, he’s obviously having no trouble keeping up with Yakov’s brusk manner of speech.

It’s a struggle to decide whether to point it out, or watch patiently for it all to explode in a million pieces. He can just picture it, other-Yuri’s tomato red face when the truth comes out. Part of him wants to see it, other-Yuri’s impending embarrassment, but the rest of him knows that this whole predicament is obviously Viktor’s fault (maybe Yuri should have said something but really, it’s been obvious from the beginning!) So he decides it’s probably best if he asks because, like everyone else, he’s fallen for his stupid, irresistible charms and he actually likes him. Even if he’d rather cut off his own foot than admit it. He’s pretty sure other-Yuri knows anyways.

“Can I ask you a question?” They’re in the locker room. Yuri is starting later than normal today, and other- Yuri must just be leaving for his ballet lessons with Lilia.

Other-Yuri pauses in untying his skates.

“Of course Yura. Is something wrong?” He sounds so genuinely concerned, and Yuri wars with the desire to yell at him for it, or hug him. There’s something so unerringly disarming about his presence that Yuri’s had to stop himself from doing exactly that at on multiple occasions.

“I just- well.” He hates himself for his stuttering speech. He could blame it on the English, which he still tends to use with other-Yuri out of habit, blame it on the fact that he’s barely spoken it at all in months, but he’s pretty sure nobody would believe him, least of all Yuri, who is startlingly observant at times (and unsurprisingly oblivious when it comes to himself).

Other-Yuri is sitting up straight now, efforts of unlacing abandoned, and he’s got a frown so deep on his face Yuri thinks that he’s probably going to pull a muscle.

“Yura?”

“Yeah, just, Viktor doesn’t know you speak Russian.” He says it quietly, calmly, it’s probably the first time he’s said something to other-Yuri that hasn’t been screaming or an insult, but he doesn’t even look surprised. Of course he doesn’t. Because other-Yuri can see through him like he’s made of glass, knows exactly what he means even when he’s saying the exact opposite.

Other-Yuri visibly flinches, and glances surreptitiously at the door behind Yuri’s shoulder, like double checking that no one’s there to hear them. He looks so guilty that Yuri almost feels bad for asking. “No, he doesn’t”

Yuri doesn’t respond, only raises an eyebrow for him to continue.

“I- he, well. You know I studied languages, da?” And, wow, the fact that Viktor doesn’t know when other-Yuri is using Russian replacements for what he knows were once Japanese and, maybe once upon a time, English, colloquialisms without seemingly any thought is simply astonishing.

Maybe he thinks his boyfriend- fiancé says a voice that sounds uncomfortably like Viktor’s- picked it up from him, but they’ve only been in Russia two weeks. Maybe Yuri’s over thinking this, but, even if he is it still should be obvious. He doesn’t say any of this though, only nods, once, slowly, and waits for the Katsudon to continue.

“Well, he knows I studied linguistics and languages. My kaa-chan, ah… my mom, she told him, first week he was there, same as she told you. I honestly thought he knew for the longest time, Yuri, really. I wasn’t keeping it from him on purpose, I mean, I also speak French, a little German, conversational Thai, it’s.. it’s not uncommon knowledge in the skating circles that I’m, well, interested in languages,” Yuri almost laughs out loud here because interested is not the word. He would have used gifted, maybe. He’s allowed to admit these things in the safety of his own head. “anyway, he spoke in Russian a lot, those first couple of months, and it dwindled, a little, but it picked up again after we-” he stops, coughs, normally Yuri would complain but he doesn’t actually mind and right now isn’t the time. “Never mind, I’m getting off track. My point is, I thought he knew until Barcelona, when he started translating things for me, and even then I thought it was a joke, but then he started translating for Chris, who thought it was hilarious by the way because I love Viktor but my French is better than his, and when I finally realized… It’d been months, Yuri, and then I remembered everything he’d said in Russian and I realized those were probably not things I was supposed to understand. It wasn’t anything terribly interesting just, god I’m so embarrassed? And he still hasn’t noticed and-” His breath gets a little heavy and Yuri, in all his bluster and teenage angst, knows that his anxiety is worse than he lets on, knows because he understands.

“Hey, wow, Katsudon… Yuri. Can I touch you?” Other-Yuri pauses, then shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

“I- I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to…”

Yuri shakes his head raises a hand to pat his shoulder, remembers his original refusal, and drops it back into his lap. Yuri notices, of course he notices, and smiles at him, small and trembling.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind. You’ll just have to return the favour sometime, da?”

Apparently that does actually surprise him, this small display of weakness, not, Yuri thinks, because it is actually a weakness. Because it isn’t, no matter what Katsudon or anyone, or even Yuri sometimes thinks. He isn’t sure if it’s Yuri’s own admittance of it, or the actual fact that surprises him though. It doesn’t matter anyways.

Other-Yuri sighs, and reaches out tentatively to grasp his his hand, nods solemnly. Yuri doesn’t bother pulling away, there’s no one else there to see it.

The conversation ends there. Yuri doesn’t point it out when Viktor continues to translate random snatches of conversation, although, he does roll his eyes more, usually in view of Other-Yuri, and has to stifle laughter when Yuri in turn shoots him exasperated, pleading looks behind Viktor’s back.

Other-Yuri starts taking him out to lunch on the weekends, when Viktor’s at the rink and it’s both of their days off.

Yuri still snarls and scoffs and hurls insults, but now other-Yuri just smiles sweetly and raises a challenging eyebrow, like he’s asking if that’s all Yuri’s got. (It isn’t. Of course not. But he doesn’t actually want to hurt the Katsudon’s feelings so…) They fall into an easy sort of companionability, and, he will even admit out loud, for Katsudon’s ears only, that he enjoys it.

He’s friends with Otabek, obviously, and Mila, sort of, and he had a handful of friendly acquaintances before he started doing all his course work by correspondence, but Yuri, (who has recently given him permission to call him Yuu-chan, if it made things easier (Yuri did, in private because he was sort of honoured- he looked things up alright?)) was different, he didn’t demand anything of Yuri, didn’t expect anything of him, and, when he was feeling particularly vulnerable, held up his promise without question. They were friends, equals, which is why Yuri is trying to signal him to stop talking.

They’re at the rink, it’s Viktor’s day off, and they’re standing at the boards talking. (Yuri had finally managed to convinces other-Yuri to actually speak Russian, instead of just listening, because he was never going to improve if he didn’t, Yuri had agreed reluctantly. (Turns out his Russian is perfect, if slightly accented with softer Japanese vowels, and, rarely, oddly pitched English sounding consonants)).

Other- Yuri is facing the middle of the rink, speaking loudly, because everyone else had left for lunch, when Viktor walks through the door. Yuri immediately switches to English, flicking his eyes behind other-Yuri’s head, but he doesn’t seem to catch his meaning. Continuing his complaints, slouching over the boards, and only blinking, surprised when Yuri switches languages out of no where.

Viktor’s getting close though, and he’s definitely going to notice, and as much as Yuri thinks finally, he doesn’t want Katsudon to be hurt, so he pokes him in the stomach and hisses.

“Yuu-chan!” At the same time that Viktor says “Yuratchka!”

The other-Yuri nearly falls over in his hurry to turn around, skates slipping out beneath him, barely grabbing the boards in time to keep himself up right.

“Vitya! What-” he catches himself, pauses, reassess, tries again. Yuri’s pretty sure it’s too late now though.

“Viktor what are you doing here?” It’s English this time, but Yuri can see the moment Viktor gets it. It’s the same moment that other-Yuri lets all pretences drop and thunks his head down on the boards.

“You’ve been learning Russian!” Or maybe not.

“What? Viktor, no.”

“Yes yes, I just heard you! You don’t need to hide it anymore. Was it supposed to be a surprise? I could have helped!”

Yuri can’t help the look he throws the Katsudon because really could Viktor be any dumber right then? He finds that Yuri’s already looking at him, but his gaze drifts back too Viktor a moment later.

Yuri’s tempted to leave, to skate away, but this is also horribly fascinating, so instead he sidles up to the boards and pulls himself up. Other-Yuri shoots him a half disapproving look, but he doesn’t say anything, Yakov isn’t here to get mad right then.

“Viktor, I didn’t need your help.” He says it slowly, like he’s hoping Viktor will get it without him having to say anything outright.

Viktor just frowns, one hand fluttering to his chest. “Oh.”

Other-Yuri sighs. Tries a different tactic. Yuri’s half way to blurting ‘he’s been speaking Russian as long as I have!’ but refrains. He’s just here to watch.

“Viktor… you know I speak French right?” Viktor nods, looks at Yuri like he thinks he’s trying to change the topic of conversation. “So.. You know you don’t have to translate anything when Chris calls right?” Viktor just blinks, like this is a surprise, and Yuri knows he’s not dumb. He really isn’t, he can calculate the exact angle and velocity needed to land a jump in his head, but sometimes he wonders how he gets through the day because he really just never bothers to think.

“And… You know I studied Languages in college?” Viktor nods, and Yuri thinks that maybe he’s starting to see a dawning of understanding in his eyes.

“So… Ya. I ah, honestly thought you knew? I guess? And when I figured out you didn’t I just- well, it’d been so long. I didn’t know how-”

“How long have you been able to speak it?” Viktor doesn’t look mad. Mostly curious.

“Oh, well. Ah… Properly? Only since my second year of University? But, my comprehensions been pretty decent since I was… 15 or 16 maybe? I started learning when I was 13.” Yuri looks proud, but also a little embarrassed to admit that.

Suddenly Viktor’s bright red and “oh my god you understand me.” This doesn’t make any sense to Yuri, but the other-Yuri goes a little pink and coughs, throwing a glance Yuri’s way before looking back at Viktor apologetically.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to, at first. And I mean, there were some things… Not exactly every day vocabulary you know?”

The doors bang open then, and Yakov storms in, followed by Mila. Yuri can just see the trickle of other skaters and coaches on the other side.

“Viktor! What are you doing here? It’s your day off. You’re distracting Yuri! Don’t think I don’t see you on those boards Yura! Suicides! And then I want to see jumps from both of you, Yuris!”

Viktor opens his mouth, looks at other-Yuri, who’s already skating backwards, and turns impossibly redder. “He didn’t ask me to translate.” He says, “He hasn’t, does everyone know?” Other-Yuri looks guiltier in contrast.

“I’m really sorry Vitya. Vicchan. I am I promise.” Viktor shakes head, beckons him closer, presses a kiss to his lips, still looking a little dazed, but then he turns to Yuri and… Oh no, what does he have on him that he’s going to use to turn the situation around? Yuri knows that look.

“So. You’re calling him Yuu-chan now?”

Yuri’s going to kill him. He doesn’t care if Katsudon will be sad.

[sunshineweb]

You Lost Your Job, Now What?

My cousin, age 40, married, with two kids, working with a Delhi-based start-up at a decent seven-digit salary, just lost his job!

With no cash flow to sustain operations owing to the Covid-19 pandemic and its impact on the economy, the start-up is on the verge of closing shop. To say the least, my cousin was unprepared for this.

We have been more like great friends over the years, and so he called seeking my advice. What follows below is part of the detailed email (edited for personal stuff) I sent him about how he can deal with the sudden loss of income and livelihood, and how he may move forward.

I don’t have an experience of getting fired at job but I have been through almost similar uncertainty and sudden loss of income after quitting my job in 2011.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because, given how things are falling apart all around (Uber just fired 3700 people, all at one go, on a Zoom call!), I thought the advice may benefit you or someone close to you who is facing a similar predicament either through a job loss, salary cut, loss of business income, or even complete closure of business.

I am not a financial advisor. What follows below is plain, simple advice that I offered to my brother. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * * from: Vishal Khandelwal to: XXXXXXXX date: May 14, 2020, 10:27 AM subject: Lost Your Job? Now Don’t Lose Yourself

Dear Brother,

Trust you are feeling fine and keeping safe.

It was nice talking to you. I am sorry to know about your job loss, but as they say, sh*t happens!

Anyways, before I share what I think you can do to deal with the situation and also a way to move ahead, let me quote Nassim Taleb who said that the three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

So, knowing that you don’t do heroin and eat less carbs, let me congratulate you for you can finally get over your addiction of the monthly salary, at least for the time being.

Coming to my advice, some of which I already offered to you on phone, here it is –

1. Being fired at work is among life’s most stressful events. And so, my first line of advice is not financial, but emotional. Millions of people around the world have lost their jobs, or are on the verge of doing so, and so you are not alone. There is no doubt an unexpected job loss can rock your world, but it can also prove to be an experience that helps you grow and leads you to a new and better work and life ahead.

A job loss, even if it looks unexpected, is not a one-time event. It often involves the stages of denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, and finally acceptance. These are the five stages of grief, and a job loss must go through these as well.

I know you have been struck by grief. Now, I may sound a bit harsh, but you have two options to deal with these stages – one, you head fast from denial or anger towards acceptance, because that is the place you will anyways end up (moving fast will be less painful), or two, you take your time, keep ruing your situation, and go slow (more painful, simply because emotions will be involved for a greater amount of time).

Also, remember that the longer you take to come out of the situation emotionally, the greater and worse emotional issues you will impose upon your near and dear ones, especially your spouse, parents, and kids. So, better you get over the emotional hangover of a job loss soon.

Cry at times if you want, but please do not break. Acknowledge your emotions, then move on. Whenever you find yourself alone and struggling, talk to your spouse and/or your best friend. They can provide you comfort and encouragement and help you reign in those negative emotions.

2. My second advice is financial. The financial impact of job loss is probably the toughest challenge to face during this time, and so it is critical for you to develop a plan that reduces as much financial stress on you and your family as possible. Here are a few steps you may want to take to deal with such an unexpected event, so that you don’t end up making any desperate decisions –

List down all money you have in the form of household savings and any income that you may earn through severance; plus any income your spouse may be earning. Then list down all your expenses – food, rent, EMIs, utilities (power, gas, Internet, phone), transportation, educational expenses, insurance premiums, credit cards, eating out, shopping, other monthly payments and expenses, etc., along with any new expenses. Then go through your expenses one by one, cut out all non-essential lifestyle-related items, and find ways to lower even the essential ones that you can. Simply put, analyse your variable expenses well, and find ways of doing away with some of them. Focus on both the large and small expenses, because holes, small or large, can sink a ship.  

Dip into your emergency savings to meet your living expenses. But be miser in using that too. Even if you thought earlier that that fund was good for 6-8 months, work on a lean budget so that the fund runs for, maybe, 10-12 months. Maybe! I know a lot of people who are used to saving regularly have a hard time dipping into emergency savings but surviving a period of unemployment is exactly why you have been saving this money. When you are back on your feet again, and I’m sure you will soon, you can replenish the funds. But for now, your emergency savings can be put to good use.  

Hide that credit card please! Do not, I repeat, do not assume that you can use that Gold or Platinum card to defer cash outflow by 50-60 days. After a job loss, if you will not buy something on cash, please, please, please do not use your credit card for that. It will be a financial disaster, given the uncertainty around your future income and the interest rates that get charged on deferred credit card payments. Question each expense real hard.  

Stop your SIPs or other new investment if need be. But do not sell your investments if you have enough cash as emergency fund that can last you 6-8 months or more (such is an emergency for which emergency funds need to be created). If you have a credit card payment pending, use your savings to pay that off. But remember, the idea for now is to free up your cash flows, instead of spending or investing it away. Still, re-evaluate your existing investments. If you have to spend more than your emergency funds, assuming you don’t create another source of income within the next 10-12 months, you may have to dip into your investments. So, re-evaluate now which ones you would redeem first.  

Check your health and life insurance. If your ex-employer provided these, and you did not have them personally, try to get them now. Without an ongoing income, insurance companies may seek greater number of proofs from you (like IT returns etc.) but having health and life insurance policies is a must, former for every member of the family and latter for the earning member. Especially, if a health emergency strikes at these times, and you are not covered, it may eat up your emergency fund faster than you would have envisaged.  

Evaluate your debt if you have any. Start by prioritising repayment of higher cost debt, like credit card debt or personal loan. Call you bank and ask for some relief on your EMI payments. Interest will still accrue but you will not be fined for missing payments for around two months, depending on your bank’s policies. Especially in these uncertain times, it is important for you to really know where you stand financially, and assessing your liabilities is one of the most important things you would do, largely because a third party is involved here who may not understand or appreciate enough what you may be going through.  

Ask for help when you need it. Do not shy away from it. Asking your spouse, or parents to chip with monetary, if they can, and non-monetary help is a good idea. Also seek the services of a good, honest financial advisor, if you think you cannot get your head around the financial situation. The advisor can help you set a budget, optimise your spending, and give you some clear-headed advice on cash, debt and investments.

3. My next advice is social. There is no point in not accepting that you have lost your source of income (for time being), and thus don’t shy away from explaining to your friends or family that you need to cut back right now. By eliminating social expenses like eating out or attending parties that may be avoided, you can free up cash to cover your essentials and also keep yourself from racking up new credit card debt, which will cause more financial stress.

4. Final advice – start preparing for the future, right away. Ask people you know of, maybe your ex-boss or ex-colleague for work options. A job loss can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the time to start work on that start-up you always wanted to start up, of course after taking into account your financial standing. If you are a bit creative, or have a lot of experience under your belt, you can seek opportunities in the gig economy where you can find work under short-term contracts or freelance work. Spend time learning or honing a skill that people may pay for. The idea is to reach out as much as possible, towards people and opportunities that may help you come out of this crisis sooner. Spend no time in the vortex of desperation. Keep thinking about and working on ideas.

As the famous singer Bob Marley said –

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Seriously, you have no choice but to stop regretting what has happened in the past and stop worrying what may happen in the future but only focus on what you can do now.

Here, I also remember what Viktor Frankl wrote in his seminal book Man’s Search for Meaning –

…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.

It is not the end of world, believe me. Plus, almost everyone is facing some or the other trouble and you are not alone in it. So, don’t ever feel that way.

Just be thankful for everything you have now – a supportive family, emergency funds, savings, roof on head, food on plate, and skills you can improve upon to earn money in the future – and just get started again.

Treat the day of your job loss as the first day of the rest of your life. Start afresh. Make it count.

You can do it!

Love and a shoulder to rest upon, Vishal

* * * That’s about it from me for today.

If you liked this post and know someone who you think may benefit from it, please share with them on WhatsApp, Twitter, or just email them the link to this post.

Stay safe.

With respect, — Vishal

The post You Lost Your Job, Now What? appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

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[shaizstern]

Article from NYT: How to Stay Optimistic When Everything Seems Wrong

Optimism isn’t about ignoring negative feelings. It’s about being hopeful about the future, even when the present seems wholly negative.

Jack Taylor

By Kristin Wong

April 29, 2020

With the endless stream of urgent news pushing the boundaries of our mental health, it seems laughable to suggest optimism right now. Maybe you’re worried about losing your job, losing your home or losing a loved one. Maybe you already have. Maybe you’re worried about your own health, and maybe you feel helpless or doomed. Whatever it is, optimism feels like a luxury that few of us can afford.

But at its core, optimism doesn’t require you to sweep those anxious, negative feelings under the rug. It’s not about smiling when you don’t feel like it. Optimism is simply being hopeful about the future, even when the present feels wholly negative. Cognitively, this is a challenge, because it requires you to acknowledge your positive and negative emotions at once and to allow them to exist simultaneously. As hard as it may be to make the case for optimism during a time of crisis, that’s when it happens to be the most useful.

“There is an extraordinary level of uncertainty right now, and that produces fear, despair, helplessness and anxiety, which are all understandable and appropriate under these circumstances,” said Stephanie Marston, a psychotherapist and a co-author, with her daughter Ama Marston, of the book “Type R: Transformative Resilience for Thriving in a Turbulent World.”  

“Especially during a crisis,” Stephanie Marston said, “we just have to be even more attentive to our emotional state. When we do that, we’re able to more quickly move beyond our stress, discomfort or pain.”

Optimism can soften the negative effects of stress, allowing us to cope with and recover from trauma more easily. With all of this in mind, there is a handful of research-backed evidence for embracing optimism as a tool for dealing with the stress and anxiety you’re most likely experiencing right now.

Practice self-compassion.

“One of the keys to becoming more resilient is to practice compassion both toward ourselves as well as toward others,” Ms. Marston said. “One of the keys to doing so is to interrupt recurring cycles of negative inner dialogue.”

When we find ourselves cycling through negative thoughts that don’t go anywhere, it’s important to take a step back to disrupt the cycle of anxiety, Ms. Marston said. “This can include stopping and focusing on our breath rather than on our thoughts, changing our physical environment to help create distance from our initial mental space, or having a conversation with someone we trust to get a fresh perspective.”

Dr. Sarah Kate McGowan, an assistant clinical professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles, suggested coming up with coping statements to help you get through dark moments. This might be something like, “I can take this one day at a time” or “This is frightening, and I can handle it.” You can even write these statements on index cards to refer to when you find yourself back in the negativity loop, she said.

The bottom line: It’s important to recognize that, under extreme conditions, we’re all doing the best we can, “and we need extra understanding, care and nurturing,” Ms. Marston said, adding: “What words do you need to hear to comfort or reassure yourself about the virus right now? Are they realistic? What actions do you need to take to protect yourself, or to provide for yourself?”

Find pleasure in the small things.

With narrow options on how to spend your time during quarantine, you might find that some otherwise mundane activities, like making tea or feeding the dog, have become oddly enjoyable. Lean into that: These seemingly dull, day-to-day activities can be a welcome distraction from the stream of bad news.

“Behaviorally, I’m suggesting that people limit their news intake each day and engage in pleasant activities,” Dr. McGowan said. This doesn’t mean shutting yourself off to information entirely, but consuming that information in a more intentional way. For example, instead of reading every update as it happens, you could set aside an hour in the morning and one in the evening to stay informed on the day’s news.

Even under normal circumstances, mundane moments are important. In a recent study, researchers highlighted the value of small, everyday activities, asking participants to document daily habits, like which songs they listened to or what kind of updates they shared on Facebook. Months later, when subjects revisited these documented moments, they were more curious and interested in those past activities than they thought they would be. We tend to enjoy the mundane in hindsight — why not appreciate it in the moment, too?

Look for meaning.

It’s easy to spiral into a pit of existential despair, and who could blame you? But if you can construct some kind of meaning during a crisis, it may go a long way toward coping with the stress.

“I’ve been thinking frequently of the quote from Viktor Frankl’s ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’: ‘Those who have a “why” to live can bear with almost any how,’” Dr. McGowan said. “We can choose to use this time to connect to ourselves and what’s important to us, our values, who we strive to be in the world.” In other words, it’s a good time to think about what matters to you most and then process current events through that lens.

In a classic study on trauma, subjects wrote about their traumatic experiences for 15 minutes a day. Those who were able to find meaning from their experiences reported less stress, more positive moods and fewer illnesses than subjects who simply wrote about their everyday experiences.

“The pandemic can create an opening for us to emerge from it with a heightened sense of purpose,” Ms. Marston said, adding, “as well as increased compassion for the struggles of others.��� Again, this doesn’t mean being naïve or insufferably positive about current events. “But when we approach this challenge with confidence or hope, we’re likely to do better and be able to transform difficult experiences into important lessons,” she said.

Give back and build community.

Altruistic behavior can make you feel better, too.

“When you hear of people struggling with the virus, can you allow this to enhance your sense of being part of a global community?” Ms. Marston asked. “Can you imagine yourself in their situation and say, ‘This is how it feels to be a human being right now?’”

While there are limited opportunities to help others, because the biggest way to help right now is to stay home, try to find small ways to bolster your community, whether it’s picking up groceries for a neighbor or checking on a vulnerable friend or family member. It might make all of this a bit more digestible.

Don’t sweep your negative feelings under the rug.

Negative feelings serve a purpose, and you shouldn’t ignore them. Our negative emotions tell us something’s wrong, making us more likely to give the problem the attention required to solve it.

“Negative emotions, such as anxiety, fear and doubt, can act like an attention funnel that narrows our minds to important details,” Ms. Marston said. “This can be valuable when evaluating situations during the pandemic and sorting out fact from fiction with the overwhelming amount of information we’re receiving.”

Overly negative thoughts can be unhelpful, but so can overly optimistic thoughts.

“It isn’t about glossing over the negative emotions associated with stress, traumas and changes in our lives, but instead letting them sit side by side with other feelings,” Ms. Marston said.

A 2004 study on optimism and resilience by the psychologists Michele M. Tugade and Barbara L. Fredrickson suggested that resilience requires emotional complexity and that resilient people are able to experience both positive and negative emotions simultaneously.

“We can work on drawing on a broader range of emotions,” Ms. Marston said. “We might ask, ‘How can I use the energy created by this stress and anxiety to help me better cope with the challenges I am facing?’ or ‘What can I learn from this stress, and how does it help me change, grow or find new solutions?’”

It can be helpful to organize your negative thoughts. “We can categorize our negative thoughts into thoughts that are untrue — without much evidence to support them — or unhelpful,” Dr. McGowan said. “Perhaps there is truth to the thought, but repeating it in our minds is not productive.”

Optimism is about giving yourself permission to hope, even if you feel extremely anxious, unhappy or fearful. It’s not about ignoring your negative feelings about the crisis, but about finding a way to keep them from overwhelming you.

“Many of these anxieties are due to the high level of uncertainty we are all experiencing,” Dr. McGowan said. “Some of us are better at coping with that than others.” Cognitively, optimism requires a lot of us, but emotionally, the payoff can be worthwhile.

Dr. McGowan added, “Our goal during this time is to learn ways to tolerate uncertainty.”

[sunshineweb]

You Lost Your Job, Now What?

My cousin, age 40, married, with two kids, working with a Delhi-based start-up at a decent seven-digit salary, just lost his job!

With no cash flow to sustain operations owing to the Covid-19 pandemic and its impact on the economy, the start-up is on the verge of closing shop. To say the least, my cousin was unprepared for this.

We have been more like great friends over the years, and so he called seeking my advice. What follows below is part of the detailed email (edited for personal stuff) I sent him about how he can deal with the sudden loss of income and livelihood, and how he may move forward.

I don’t have an experience of getting fired at job but I have been through almost similar uncertainty and sudden loss of income after quitting my job in 2011.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because, given how things are falling apart all around (Uber just fired 3700 people, all at one go, on a Zoom call!), I thought the advice may benefit you or someone close to you who is facing a similar predicament either through a job loss, salary cut, loss of business income, or even complete closure of business.

I am not a financial advisor. What follows below is plain, simple advice that I offered to my brother. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * * from: Vishal Khandelwal to: XXXXXXXX date: May 14, 2020, 10:27 AM subject: Lost Your Job? Now Don’t Lose Yourself

Dear Brother,

Trust you are feeling fine and keeping safe.

It was nice talking to you. I am sorry to know about your job loss, but as they say, sh*t happens!

Anyways, before I share what I think you can do to deal with the situation and also a way to move ahead, let me quote Nassim Taleb who said that the three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

So, knowing that you don’t do heroin and eat less carbs, let me congratulate you for you can finally get over your addiction of the monthly salary, at least for the time being.

Coming to my advice, some of which I already offered to you on phone, here it is –

1. Being fired at work is among life’s most stressful events. And so, my first line of advice is not financial, but emotional. Millions of people around the world have lost their jobs, or are on the verge of doing so, and so you are not alone. There is no doubt an unexpected job loss can rock your world, but it can also prove to be an experience that helps you grow and leads you to a new and better work and life ahead.

A job loss, even if it looks unexpected, is not a one-time event. It often involves the stages of denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, and finally acceptance. These are the five stages of grief, and a job loss must go through these as well.

I know you have been struck by grief. Now, I may sound a bit harsh, but you have two options to deal with these stages – one, you head fast from denial or anger towards acceptance, because that is the place you will anyways end up (moving fast will be less painful), or two, you take your time, keep ruing your situation, and go slow (more painful, simply because emotions will be involved for a greater amount of time).

Also, remember that the longer you take to come out of the situation emotionally, the greater and worse emotional issues you will impose upon your near and dear ones, especially your spouse, parents, and kids. So, better you get over the emotional hangover of a job loss soon.

Cry at times if you want, but please do not break. Acknowledge your emotions, then move on. Whenever you find yourself alone and struggling, talk to your spouse and/or your best friend. They can provide you comfort and encouragement and help you reign in those negative emotions.

2. My second advice is financial. The financial impact of job loss is probably the toughest challenge to face during this time, and so it is critical for you to develop a plan that reduces as much financial stress on you and your family as possible. Here are a few steps you may want to take to deal with such an unexpected event, so that you don’t end up making any desperate decisions –

List down all money you have in the form of household savings and any income that you may earn through severance; plus any income your spouse may be earning. Then list down all your expenses – food, rent, EMIs, utilities (power, gas, Internet, phone), transportation, educational expenses, insurance premiums, credit cards, eating out, shopping, other monthly payments and expenses, etc., along with any new expenses. Then go through your expenses one by one, cut out all non-essential lifestyle-related items, and find ways to lower even the essential ones that you can. Simply put, analyse your variable expenses well, and find ways of doing away with some of them. Focus on both the large and small expenses, because holes, small or large, can sink a ship.  

Dip into your emergency savings to meet your living expenses. But be miser in using that too. Even if you thought earlier that that fund was good for 6-8 months, work on a lean budget so that the fund runs for, maybe, 10-12 months. Maybe! I know a lot of people who are used to saving regularly have a hard time dipping into emergency savings but surviving a period of unemployment is exactly why you have been saving this money. When you are back on your feet again, and I’m sure you will soon, you can replenish the funds. But for now, your emergency savings can be put to good use.  

Hide that credit card please! Do not, I repeat, do not assume that you can use that Gold or Platinum card to defer cash outflow by 50-60 days. After a job loss, if you will not buy something on cash, please, please, please do not use your credit card for that. It will be a financial disaster, given the uncertainty around your future income and the interest rates that get charged on deferred credit card payments. Question each expense real hard.  

Stop your SIPs or other new investment if need be. But do not sell your investments if you have enough cash as emergency fund that can last you 6-8 months or more (such is an emergency for which emergency funds need to be created). If you have a credit card payment pending, use your savings to pay that off. But remember, the idea for now is to free up your cash flows, instead of spending or investing it away. Still, re-evaluate your existing investments. If you have to spend more than your emergency funds, assuming you don’t create another source of income within the next 10-12 months, you may have to dip into your investments. So, re-evaluate now which ones you would redeem first.  

Check your health and life insurance. If your ex-employer provided these, and you did not have them personally, try to get them now. Without an ongoing income, insurance companies may seek greater number of proofs from you (like IT returns etc.) but having health and life insurance policies is a must, former for every member of the family and latter for the earning member. Especially, if a health emergency strikes at these times, and you are not covered, it may eat up your emergency fund faster than you would have envisaged.  

Evaluate your debt if you have any. Start by prioritising repayment of higher cost debt, like credit card debt or personal loan. Call you bank and ask for some relief on your EMI payments. Interest will still accrue but you will not be fined for missing payments for around two months, depending on your bank’s policies. Especially in these uncertain times, it is important for you to really know where you stand financially, and assessing your liabilities is one of the most important things you would do, largely because a third party is involved here who may not understand or appreciate enough what you may be going through.  

Ask for help when you need it. Do not shy away from it. Asking your spouse, or parents to chip with monetary, if they can, and non-monetary help is a good idea. Also seek the services of a good, honest financial advisor, if you think you cannot get your head around the financial situation. The advisor can help you set a budget, optimise your spending, and give you some clear-headed advice on cash, debt and investments.

3. My next advice is social. There is no point in not accepting that you have lost your source of income (for time being), and thus don’t shy away from explaining to your friends or family that you need to cut back right now. By eliminating social expenses like eating out or attending parties that may be avoided, you can free up cash to cover your essentials and also keep yourself from racking up new credit card debt, which will cause more financial stress.

4. Final advice – start preparing for the future, right away. Ask people you know of, maybe your ex-boss or ex-colleague for work options. A job loss can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the time to start work on that start-up you always wanted to start up, of course after taking into account your financial standing. If you are a bit creative, or have a lot of experience under your belt, you can seek opportunities in the gig economy where you can find work under short-term contracts or freelance work. Spend time learning or honing a skill that people may pay for. The idea is to reach out as much as possible, towards people and opportunities that may help you come out of this crisis sooner. Spend no time in the vortex of desperation. Keep thinking about and working on ideas.

As the famous singer Bob Marley said –

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Seriously, you have no choice but to stop regretting what has happened in the past and stop worrying what may happen in the future but only focus on what you can do now.

Here, I also remember what Viktor Frankl wrote in his seminal book Man’s Search for Meaning –

…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.

It is not the end of world, believe me. Plus, almost everyone is facing some or the other trouble and you are not alone in it. So, don’t ever feel that way.

Just be thankful for everything you have now – a supportive family, emergency funds, savings, roof on head, food on plate, and skills you can improve upon to earn money in the future – and just get started again.

Treat the day of your job loss as the first day of the rest of your life. Start afresh. Make it count.

You can do it!

Love and a shoulder to rest upon, Vishal

* * * That’s about it from me for today.

If you liked this post and know someone who you think may benefit from it, please share with them on WhatsApp, Twitter, or just email them the link to this post.

Stay safe.

With respect, — Vishal

The post You Lost Your Job, Now What? appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

You Lost Your Job, Now What? published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

[sunshineweb]

You Lost Your Job, Now What?

My cousin, age 40, married, with two kids, working with a Delhi-based start-up at a decent seven-digit salary, just lost his job!

With no cash flow to sustain operations owing to the Covid-19 pandemic and its impact on the economy, the start-up is on the verge of closing shop. To say the least, my cousin was unprepared for this.

We have been more like great friends over the years, and so he called seeking my advice. What follows below is part of the detailed email (edited for personal stuff) I sent him about how he can deal with the sudden loss of income and livelihood, and how he may move forward.

I don’t have an experience of getting fired at job but I have been through almost similar uncertainty and sudden loss of income after quitting my job in 2011.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because, given how things are falling apart all around (Uber just fired 3700 people, all at one go, on a Zoom call!), I thought the advice may benefit you or someone close to you who is facing a similar predicament either through a job loss, salary cut, loss of business income, or even complete closure of business.

I am not a financial advisor. What follows below is plain, simple advice that I offered to my brother. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * * from: Vishal Khandelwal to: XXXXXXXX date: May 14, 2020, 10:27 AM subject: Lost Your Job? Now Don’t Lose Yourself

Dear Brother,

Trust you are feeling fine and keeping safe.

It was nice talking to you. I am sorry to know about your job loss, but as they say, sh*t happens!

Anyways, before I share what I think you can do to deal with the situation and also a way to move ahead, let me quote Nassim Taleb who said that the three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

So, knowing that you don’t do heroin and eat less carbs, let me congratulate you for you can finally get over your addiction of the monthly salary, at least for the time being.

Coming to my advice, some of which I already offered to you on phone, here it is –

1. Being fired at work is among life’s most stressful events. And so, my first line of advice is not financial, but emotional. Millions of people around the world have lost their jobs, or are on the verge of doing so, and so you are not alone. There is no doubt an unexpected job loss can rock your world, but it can also prove to be an experience that helps you grow and leads you to a new and better work and life ahead.

A job loss, even if it looks unexpected, is not a one-time event. It often involves the stages of denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, and finally acceptance. These are the five stages of grief, and a job loss must go through these as well.

I know you have been struck by grief. Now, I may sound a bit harsh, but you have two options to deal with these stages – one, you head fast from denial or anger towards acceptance, because that is the place you will anyways end up (moving fast will be less painful), or two, you take your time, keep ruing your situation, and go slow (more painful, simply because emotions will be involved for a greater amount of time).

Also, remember that the longer you take to come out of the situation emotionally, the greater and worse emotional issues you will impose upon your near and dear ones, especially your spouse, parents, and kids. So, better you get over the emotional hangover of a job loss soon.

Cry at times if you want, but please do not break. Acknowledge your emotions, then move on. Whenever you find yourself alone and struggling, talk to your spouse and/or your best friend. They can provide you comfort and encouragement and help you reign in those negative emotions.

2. My second advice is financial. The financial impact of job loss is probably the toughest challenge to face during this time, and so it is critical for you to develop a plan that reduces as much financial stress on you and your family as possible. Here are a few steps you may want to take to deal with such an unexpected event, so that you don’t end up making any desperate decisions –

List down all money you have in the form of household savings and any income that you may earn through severance; plus any income your spouse may be earning. Then list down all your expenses – food, rent, EMIs, utilities (power, gas, Internet, phone), transportation, educational expenses, insurance premiums, credit cards, eating out, shopping, other monthly payments and expenses, etc., along with any new expenses. Then go through your expenses one by one, cut out all non-essential lifestyle-related items, and find ways to lower even the essential ones that you can. Simply put, analyse your variable expenses well, and find ways of doing away with some of them. Focus on both the large and small expenses, because holes, small or large, can sink a ship.  

Dip into your emergency savings to meet your living expenses. But be miser in using that too. Even if you thought earlier that that fund was good for 6-8 months, work on a lean budget so that the fund runs for, maybe, 10-12 months. Maybe! I know a lot of people who are used to saving regularly have a hard time dipping into emergency savings but surviving a period of unemployment is exactly why you have been saving this money. When you are back on your feet again, and I’m sure you will soon, you can replenish the funds. But for now, your emergency savings can be put to good use.  

Hide that credit card please! Do not, I repeat, do not assume that you can use that Gold or Platinum card to defer cash outflow by 50-60 days. After a job loss, if you will not buy something on cash, please, please, please do not use your credit card for that. It will be a financial disaster, given the uncertainty around your future income and the interest rates that get charged on deferred credit card payments. Question each expense real hard.  

Stop your SIPs or other new investment if need be. But do not sell your investments if you have enough cash as emergency fund that can last you 6-8 months or more (such is an emergency for which emergency funds need to be created). If you have a credit card payment pending, use your savings to pay that off. But remember, the idea for now is to free up your cash flows, instead of spending or investing it away. Still, re-evaluate your existing investments. If you have to spend more than your emergency funds, assuming you don’t create another source of income within the next 10-12 months, you may have to dip into your investments. So, re-evaluate now which ones you would redeem first.  

Check your health and life insurance. If your ex-employer provided these, and you did not have them personally, try to get them now. Without an ongoing income, insurance companies may seek greater number of proofs from you (like IT returns etc.) but having health and life insurance policies is a must, former for every member of the family and latter for the earning member. Especially, if a health emergency strikes at these times, and you are not covered, it may eat up your emergency fund faster than you would have envisaged.  

Evaluate your debt if you have any. Start by prioritising repayment of higher cost debt, like credit card debt or personal loan. Call you bank and ask for some relief on your EMI payments. Interest will still accrue but you will not be fined for missing payments for around two months, depending on your bank’s policies. Especially in these uncertain times, it is important for you to really know where you stand financially, and assessing your liabilities is one of the most important things you would do, largely because a third party is involved here who may not understand or appreciate enough what you may be going through.  

Ask for help when you need it. Do not shy away from it. Asking your spouse, or parents to chip with monetary, if they can, and non-monetary help is a good idea. Also seek the services of a good, honest financial advisor, if you think you cannot get your head around the financial situation. The advisor can help you set a budget, optimise your spending, and give you some clear-headed advice on cash, debt and investments.

3. My next advice is social. There is no point in not accepting that you have lost your source of income (for time being), and thus don’t shy away from explaining to your friends or family that you need to cut back right now. By eliminating social expenses like eating out or attending parties that may be avoided, you can free up cash to cover your essentials and also keep yourself from racking up new credit card debt, which will cause more financial stress.

4. Final advice – start preparing for the future, right away. Ask people you know of, maybe your ex-boss or ex-colleague for work options. A job loss can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the time to start work on that start-up you always wanted to start up, of course after taking into account your financial standing. If you are a bit creative, or have a lot of experience under your belt, you can seek opportunities in the gig economy where you can find work under short-term contracts or freelance work. Spend time learning or honing a skill that people may pay for. The idea is to reach out as much as possible, towards people and opportunities that may help you come out of this crisis sooner. Spend no time in the vortex of desperation. Keep thinking about and working on ideas.

As the famous singer Bob Marley said –

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Seriously, you have no choice but to stop regretting what has happened in the past and stop worrying what may happen in the future but only focus on what you can do now.

Here, I also remember what Viktor Frankl wrote in his seminal book Man’s Search for Meaning –

…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.

It is not the end of world, believe me. Plus, almost everyone is facing some or the other trouble and you are not alone in it. So, don’t ever feel that way.

Just be thankful for everything you have now – a supportive family, emergency funds, savings, roof on head, food on plate, and skills you can improve upon to earn money in the future – and just get started again.

Treat the day of your job loss as the first day of the rest of your life. Start afresh. Make it count.

You can do it!

Love and a shoulder to rest upon, Vishal

* * * That’s about it from me for today.

If you liked this post and know someone who you think may benefit from it, please share with them on WhatsApp, Twitter, or just email them the link to this post.

Stay safe.

With respect, — Vishal

The post You Lost Your Job, Now What? appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

You Lost Your Job, Now What? published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

[sunshineweb]

You Lost Your Job, Now What?

My cousin, age 40, married, with two kids, working with a Delhi-based start-up at a decent seven-digit salary, just lost his job!

With no cash flow to sustain operations owing to the Covid-19 pandemic and its impact on the economy, the start-up is on the verge of closing shop. To say the least, my cousin was unprepared for this.

We have been more like great friends over the years, and so he called seeking my advice. What follows below is part of the detailed email (edited for personal stuff) I sent him about how he can deal with the sudden loss of income and livelihood, and how he may move forward.

I don’t have an experience of getting fired at job but I have been through almost similar uncertainty and sudden loss of income after quitting my job in 2011.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because, given how things are falling apart all around (Uber just fired 3700 people, all at one go, on a Zoom call!), I thought the advice may benefit you or someone close to you who is facing a similar predicament either through a job loss, salary cut, loss of business income, or even complete closure of business.

I am not a financial advisor. What follows below is plain, simple advice that I offered to my brother. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * * from: Vishal Khandelwal to: XXXXXXXX date: May 14, 2020, 10:27 AM subject: Lost Your Job? Now Don’t Lose Yourself

Dear Brother,

Trust you are feeling fine and keeping safe.

It was nice talking to you. I am sorry to know about your job loss, but as they say, sh*t happens!

Anyways, before I share what I think you can do to deal with the situation and also a way to move ahead, let me quote Nassim Taleb who said that the three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

So, knowing that you don’t do heroin and eat less carbs, let me congratulate you for you can finally get over your addiction of the monthly salary, at least for the time being.

Coming to my advice, some of which I already offered to you on phone, here it is –

1. Being fired at work is among life’s most stressful events. And so, my first line of advice is not financial, but emotional. Millions of people around the world have lost their jobs, or are on the verge of doing so, and so you are not alone. There is no doubt an unexpected job loss can rock your world, but it can also prove to be an experience that helps you grow and leads you to a new and better work and life ahead.

A job loss, even if it looks unexpected, is not a one-time event. It often involves the stages of denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, and finally acceptance. These are the five stages of grief, and a job loss must go through these as well.

I know you have been struck by grief. Now, I may sound a bit harsh, but you have two options to deal with these stages – one, you head fast from denial or anger towards acceptance, because that is the place you will anyways end up (moving fast will be less painful), or two, you take your time, keep ruing your situation, and go slow (more painful, simply because emotions will be involved for a greater amount of time).

Also, remember that the longer you take to come out of the situation emotionally, the greater and worse emotional issues you will impose upon your near and dear ones, especially your spouse, parents, and kids. So, better you get over the emotional hangover of a job loss soon.

Cry at times if you want, but please do not break. Acknowledge your emotions, then move on. Whenever you find yourself alone and struggling, talk to your spouse and/or your best friend. They can provide you comfort and encouragement and help you reign in those negative emotions.

2. My second advice is financial. The financial impact of job loss is probably the toughest challenge to face during this time, and so it is critical for you to develop a plan that reduces as much financial stress on you and your family as possible. Here are a few steps you may want to take to deal with such an unexpected event, so that you don’t end up making any desperate decisions –

List down all money you have in the form of household savings and any income that you may earn through severance; plus any income your spouse may be earning. Then list down all your expenses – food, rent, EMIs, utilities (power, gas, Internet, phone), transportation, educational expenses, insurance premiums, credit cards, eating out, shopping, other monthly payments and expenses, etc., along with any new expenses. Then go through your expenses one by one, cut out all non-essential lifestyle-related items, and find ways to lower even the essential ones that you can. Simply put, analyse your variable expenses well, and find ways of doing away with some of them. Focus on both the large and small expenses, because holes, small or large, can sink a ship.  

Dip into your emergency savings to meet your living expenses. But be miser in using that too. Even if you thought earlier that that fund was good for 6-8 months, work on a lean budget so that the fund runs for, maybe, 10-12 months. Maybe! I know a lot of people who are used to saving regularly have a hard time dipping into emergency savings but surviving a period of unemployment is exactly why you have been saving this money. When you are back on your feet again, and I’m sure you will soon, you can replenish the funds. But for now, your emergency savings can be put to good use.  

Hide that credit card please! Do not, I repeat, do not assume that you can use that Gold or Platinum card to defer cash outflow by 50-60 days. After a job loss, if you will not buy something on cash, please, please, please do not use your credit card for that. It will be a financial disaster, given the uncertainty around your future income and the interest rates that get charged on deferred credit card payments. Question each expense real hard.  

Stop your SIPs or other new investment if need be. But do not sell your investments if you have enough cash as emergency fund that can last you 6-8 months or more (such is an emergency for which emergency funds need to be created). If you have a credit card payment pending, use your savings to pay that off. But remember, the idea for now is to free up your cash flows, instead of spending or investing it away. Still, re-evaluate your existing investments. If you have to spend more than your emergency funds, assuming you don’t create another source of income within the next 10-12 months, you may have to dip into your investments. So, re-evaluate now which ones you would redeem first.  

Check your health and life insurance. If your ex-employer provided these, and you did not have them personally, try to get them now. Without an ongoing income, insurance companies may seek greater number of proofs from you (like IT returns etc.) but having health and life insurance policies is a must, former for every member of the family and latter for the earning member. Especially, if a health emergency strikes at these times, and you are not covered, it may eat up your emergency fund faster than you would have envisaged.  

Evaluate your debt if you have any. Start by prioritising repayment of higher cost debt, like credit card debt or personal loan. Call you bank and ask for some relief on your EMI payments. Interest will still accrue but you will not be fined for missing payments for around two months, depending on your bank’s policies. Especially in these uncertain times, it is important for you to really know where you stand financially, and assessing your liabilities is one of the most important things you would do, largely because a third party is involved here who may not understand or appreciate enough what you may be going through.  

Ask for help when you need it. Do not shy away from it. Asking your spouse, or parents to chip with monetary, if they can, and non-monetary help is a good idea. Also seek the services of a good, honest financial advisor, if you think you cannot get your head around the financial situation. The advisor can help you set a budget, optimise your spending, and give you some clear-headed advice on cash, debt and investments.

3. My next advice is social. There is no point in not accepting that you have lost your source of income (for time being), and thus don’t shy away from explaining to your friends or family that you need to cut back right now. By eliminating social expenses like eating out or attending parties that may be avoided, you can free up cash to cover your essentials and also keep yourself from racking up new credit card debt, which will cause more financial stress.

4. Final advice – start preparing for the future, right away. Ask people you know of, maybe your ex-boss or ex-colleague for work options. A job loss can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the time to start work on that start-up you always wanted to start up, of course after taking into account your financial standing. If you are a bit creative, or have a lot of experience under your belt, you can seek opportunities in the gig economy where you can find work under short-term contracts or freelance work. Spend time learning or honing a skill that people may pay for. The idea is to reach out as much as possible, towards people and opportunities that may help you come out of this crisis sooner. Spend no time in the vortex of desperation. Keep thinking about and working on ideas.

As the famous singer Bob Marley said –

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Seriously, you have no choice but to stop regretting what has happened in the past and stop worrying what may happen in the future but only focus on what you can do now.

Here, I also remember what Viktor Frankl wrote in his seminal book Man’s Search for Meaning –

…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.

It is not the end of world, believe me. Plus, almost everyone is facing some or the other trouble and you are not alone in it. So, don’t ever feel that way.

Just be thankful for everything you have now – a supportive family, emergency funds, savings, roof on head, food on plate, and skills you can improve upon to earn money in the future – and just get started again.

Treat the day of your job loss as the first day of the rest of your life. Start afresh. Make it count.

You can do it!

Love and a shoulder to rest upon, Vishal

* * * That’s about it from me for today.

If you liked this post and know someone who you think may benefit from it, please share with them on WhatsApp, Twitter, or just email them the link to this post.

Stay safe.

With respect, — Vishal

The post You Lost Your Job, Now What? appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

You Lost Your Job, Now What? published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

[sunshineweb]

You Lost Your Job, Now What?

My cousin, age 40, married, with two kids, working with a Delhi-based start-up at a decent seven-digit salary, just lost his job!

With no cash flow to sustain operations owing to the Covid-19 pandemic and its impact on the economy, the start-up is on the verge of closing shop. To say the least, my cousin was unprepared for this.

We have been more like great friends over the years, and so he called seeking my advice. What follows below is part of the detailed email (edited for personal stuff) I sent him about how he can deal with the sudden loss of income and livelihood, and how he may move forward.

I don’t have an experience of getting fired at job but I have been through almost similar uncertainty and sudden loss of income after quitting my job in 2011.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because, given how things are falling apart all around (Uber just fired 3700 people, all at one go, on a Zoom call!), I thought the advice may benefit you or someone close to you who is facing a similar predicament either through a job loss, salary cut, loss of business income, or even complete closure of business.

I am not a financial advisor. What follows below is plain, simple advice that I offered to my brother. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * * from: Vishal Khandelwal to: XXXXXXXX date: May 14, 2020, 10:27 AM subject: Lost Your Job? Now Don’t Lose Yourself

Dear Brother,

Trust you are feeling fine and keeping safe.

It was nice talking to you. I am sorry to know about your job loss, but as they say, sh*t happens!

Anyways, before I share what I think you can do to deal with the situation and also a way to move ahead, let me quote Nassim Taleb who said that the three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

So, knowing that you don’t do heroin and eat less carbs, let me congratulate you for you can finally get over your addiction of the monthly salary, at least for the time being.

Coming to my advice, some of which I already offered to you on phone, here it is –

1. Being fired at work is among life’s most stressful events. And so, my first line of advice is not financial, but emotional. Millions of people around the world have lost their jobs, or are on the verge of doing so, and so you are not alone. There is no doubt an unexpected job loss can rock your world, but it can also prove to be an experience that helps you grow and leads you to a new and better work and life ahead.

A job loss, even if it looks unexpected, is not a one-time event. It often involves the stages of denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, and finally acceptance. These are the five stages of grief, and a job loss must go through these as well.

I know you have been struck by grief. Now, I may sound a bit harsh, but you have two options to deal with these stages – one, you head fast from denial or anger towards acceptance, because that is the place you will anyways end up (moving fast will be less painful), or two, you take your time, keep ruing your situation, and go slow (more painful, simply because emotions will be involved for a greater amount of time).

Also, remember that the longer you take to come out of the situation emotionally, the greater and worse emotional issues you will impose upon your near and dear ones, especially your spouse, parents, and kids. So, better you get over the emotional hangover of a job loss soon.

Cry at times if you want, but please do not break. Acknowledge your emotions, then move on. Whenever you find yourself alone and struggling, talk to your spouse and/or your best friend. They can provide you comfort and encouragement and help you reign in those negative emotions.

2. My second advice is financial. The financial impact of job loss is probably the toughest challenge to face during this time, and so it is critical for you to develop a plan that reduces as much financial stress on you and your family as possible. Here are a few steps you may want to take to deal with such an unexpected event, so that you don’t end up making any desperate decisions –

List down all money you have in the form of household savings and any income that you may earn through severance; plus any income your spouse may be earning. Then list down all your expenses – food, rent, EMIs, utilities (power, gas, Internet, phone), transportation, educational expenses, insurance premiums, credit cards, eating out, shopping, other monthly payments and expenses, etc., along with any new expenses. Then go through your expenses one by one, cut out all non-essential lifestyle-related items, and find ways to lower even the essential ones that you can. Simply put, analyse your variable expenses well, and find ways of doing away with some of them. Focus on both the large and small expenses, because holes, small or large, can sink a ship.  

Dip into your emergency savings to meet your living expenses. But be miser in using that too. Even if you thought earlier that that fund was good for 6-8 months, work on a lean budget so that the fund runs for, maybe, 10-12 months. Maybe! I know a lot of people who are used to saving regularly have a hard time dipping into emergency savings but surviving a period of unemployment is exactly why you have been saving this money. When you are back on your feet again, and I’m sure you will soon, you can replenish the funds. But for now, your emergency savings can be put to good use.  

Hide that credit card please! Do not, I repeat, do not assume that you can use that Gold or Platinum card to defer cash outflow by 50-60 days. After a job loss, if you will not buy something on cash, please, please, please do not use your credit card for that. It will be a financial disaster, given the uncertainty around your future income and the interest rates that get charged on deferred credit card payments. Question each expense real hard.  

Stop your SIPs or other new investment if need be. But do not sell your investments if you have enough cash as emergency fund that can last you 6-8 months or more (such is an emergency for which emergency funds need to be created). If you have a credit card payment pending, use your savings to pay that off. But remember, the idea for now is to free up your cash flows, instead of spending or investing it away. Still, re-evaluate your existing investments. If you have to spend more than your emergency funds, assuming you don’t create another source of income within the next 10-12 months, you may have to dip into your investments. So, re-evaluate now which ones you would redeem first.  

Check your health and life insurance. If your ex-employer provided these, and you did not have them personally, try to get them now. Without an ongoing income, insurance companies may seek greater number of proofs from you (like IT returns etc.) but having health and life insurance policies is a must, former for every member of the family and latter for the earning member. Especially, if a health emergency strikes at these times, and you are not covered, it may eat up your emergency fund faster than you would have envisaged.  

Evaluate your debt if you have any. Start by prioritising repayment of higher cost debt, like credit card debt or personal loan. Call you bank and ask for some relief on your EMI payments. Interest will still accrue but you will not be fined for missing payments for around two months, depending on your bank’s policies. Especially in these uncertain times, it is important for you to really know where you stand financially, and assessing your liabilities is one of the most important things you would do, largely because a third party is involved here who may not understand or appreciate enough what you may be going through.  

Ask for help when you need it. Do not shy away from it. Asking your spouse, or parents to chip with monetary, if they can, and non-monetary help is a good idea. Also seek the services of a good, honest financial advisor, if you think you cannot get your head around the financial situation. The advisor can help you set a budget, optimise your spending, and give you some clear-headed advice on cash, debt and investments.

3. My next advice is social. There is no point in not accepting that you have lost your source of income (for time being), and thus don’t shy away from explaining to your friends or family that you need to cut back right now. By eliminating social expenses like eating out or attending parties that may be avoided, you can free up cash to cover your essentials and also keep yourself from racking up new credit card debt, which will cause more financial stress.

4. Final advice – start preparing for the future, right away. Ask people you know of, maybe your ex-boss or ex-colleague for work options. A job loss can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the time to start work on that start-up you always wanted to start up, of course after taking into account your financial standing. If you are a bit creative, or have a lot of experience under your belt, you can seek opportunities in the gig economy where you can find work under short-term contracts or freelance work. Spend time learning or honing a skill that people may pay for. The idea is to reach out as much as possible, towards people and opportunities that may help you come out of this crisis sooner. Spend no time in the vortex of desperation. Keep thinking about and working on ideas.

As the famous singer Bob Marley said –

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Seriously, you have no choice but to stop regretting what has happened in the past and stop worrying what may happen in the future but only focus on what you can do now.

Here, I also remember what Viktor Frankl wrote in his seminal book Man’s Search for Meaning –

…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.

It is not the end of world, believe me. Plus, almost everyone is facing some or the other trouble and you are not alone in it. So, don’t ever feel that way.

Just be thankful for everything you have now – a supportive family, emergency funds, savings, roof on head, food on plate, and skills you can improve upon to earn money in the future – and just get started again.

Treat the day of your job loss as the first day of the rest of your life. Start afresh. Make it count.

You can do it!

Love and a shoulder to rest upon, Vishal

* * * That’s about it from me for today.

If you liked this post and know someone who you think may benefit from it, please share with them on WhatsApp, Twitter, or just email them the link to this post.

Stay safe.

With respect, — Vishal

The post You Lost Your Job, Now What? appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

You Lost Your Job, Now What? published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

[sunshineweb]

You Lost Your Job, Now What?

My cousin, age 40, married, with two kids, working with a Delhi-based start-up at a decent seven-digit salary, just lost his job!

With no cash flow to sustain operations owing to the Covid-19 pandemic and its impact on the economy, the start-up is on the verge of closing shop. To say the least, my cousin was unprepared for this.

We have been more like great friends over the years, and so he called seeking my advice. What follows below is part of the detailed email (edited for personal stuff) I sent him about how he can deal with the sudden loss of income and livelihood, and how he may move forward.

I don’t have an experience of getting fired at job but I have been through almost similar uncertainty and sudden loss of income after quitting my job in 2011.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because, given how things are falling apart all around (Uber just fired 3700 people, all at one go, on a Zoom call!), I thought the advice may benefit you or someone close to you who is facing a similar predicament either through a job loss, salary cut, loss of business income, or even complete closure of business.

I am not a financial advisor. What follows below is plain, simple advice that I offered to my brother. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * * from: Vishal Khandelwal to: XXXXXXXX date: May 14, 2020, 10:27 AM subject: Lost Your Job? Now Don’t Lose Yourself

Dear Brother,

Trust you are feeling fine and keeping safe.

It was nice talking to you. I am sorry to know about your job loss, but as they say, sh*t happens!

Anyways, before I share what I think you can do to deal with the situation and also a way to move ahead, let me quote Nassim Taleb who said that the three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

So, knowing that you don’t do heroin and eat less carbs, let me congratulate you for you can finally get over your addiction of the monthly salary, at least for the time being.

Coming to my advice, some of which I already offered to you on phone, here it is –

1. Being fired at work is among life’s most stressful events. And so, my first line of advice is not financial, but emotional. Millions of people around the world have lost their jobs, or are on the verge of doing so, and so you are not alone. There is no doubt an unexpected job loss can rock your world, but it can also prove to be an experience that helps you grow and leads you to a new and better work and life ahead.

A job loss, even if it looks unexpected, is not a one-time event. It often involves the stages of denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, and finally acceptance. These are the five stages of grief, and a job loss must go through these as well.

I know you have been struck by grief. Now, I may sound a bit harsh, but you have two options to deal with these stages – one, you head fast from denial or anger towards acceptance, because that is the place you will anyways end up (moving fast will be less painful), or two, you take your time, keep ruing your situation, and go slow (more painful, simply because emotions will be involved for a greater amount of time).

Also, remember that the longer you take to come out of the situation emotionally, the greater and worse emotional issues you will impose upon your near and dear ones, especially your spouse, parents, and kids. So, better you get over the emotional hangover of a job loss soon.

Cry at times if you want, but please do not break. Acknowledge your emotions, then move on. Whenever you find yourself alone and struggling, talk to your spouse and/or your best friend. They can provide you comfort and encouragement and help you reign in those negative emotions.

2. My second advice is financial. The financial impact of job loss is probably the toughest challenge to face during this time, and so it is critical for you to develop a plan that reduces as much financial stress on you and your family as possible. Here are a few steps you may want to take to deal with such an unexpected event, so that you don’t end up making any desperate decisions –

List down all money you have in the form of household savings and any income that you may earn through severance; plus any income your spouse may be earning. Then list down all your expenses – food, rent, EMIs, utilities (power, gas, Internet, phone), transportation, educational expenses, insurance premiums, credit cards, eating out, shopping, other monthly payments and expenses, etc., along with any new expenses. Then go through your expenses one by one, cut out all non-essential lifestyle-related items, and find ways to lower even the essential ones that you can. Simply put, analyse your variable expenses well, and find ways of doing away with some of them. Focus on both the large and small expenses, because holes, small or large, can sink a ship.  

Dip into your emergency savings to meet your living expenses. But be miser in using that too. Even if you thought earlier that that fund was good for 6-8 months, work on a lean budget so that the fund runs for, maybe, 10-12 months. Maybe! I know a lot of people who are used to saving regularly have a hard time dipping into emergency savings but surviving a period of unemployment is exactly why you have been saving this money. When you are back on your feet again, and I’m sure you will soon, you can replenish the funds. But for now, your emergency savings can be put to good use.  

Hide that credit card please! Do not, I repeat, do not assume that you can use that Gold or Platinum card to defer cash outflow by 50-60 days. After a job loss, if you will not buy something on cash, please, please, please do not use your credit card for that. It will be a financial disaster, given the uncertainty around your future income and the interest rates that get charged on deferred credit card payments. Question each expense real hard.  

Stop your SIPs or other new investment if need be. But do not sell your investments if you have enough cash as emergency fund that can last you 6-8 months or more (such is an emergency for which emergency funds need to be created). If you have a credit card payment pending, use your savings to pay that off. But remember, the idea for now is to free up your cash flows, instead of spending or investing it away. Still, re-evaluate your existing investments. If you have to spend more than your emergency funds, assuming you don’t create another source of income within the next 10-12 months, you may have to dip into your investments. So, re-evaluate now which ones you would redeem first.  

Check your health and life insurance. If your ex-employer provided these, and you did not have them personally, try to get them now. Without an ongoing income, insurance companies may seek greater number of proofs from you (like IT returns etc.) but having health and life insurance policies is a must, former for every member of the family and latter for the earning member. Especially, if a health emergency strikes at these times, and you are not covered, it may eat up your emergency fund faster than you would have envisaged.  

Evaluate your debt if you have any. Start by prioritising repayment of higher cost debt, like credit card debt or personal loan. Call you bank and ask for some relief on your EMI payments. Interest will still accrue but you will not be fined for missing payments for around two months, depending on your bank’s policies. Especially in these uncertain times, it is important for you to really know where you stand financially, and assessing your liabilities is one of the most important things you would do, largely because a third party is involved here who may not understand or appreciate enough what you may be going through.  

Ask for help when you need it. Do not shy away from it. Asking your spouse, or parents to chip with monetary, if they can, and non-monetary help is a good idea. Also seek the services of a good, honest financial advisor, if you think you cannot get your head around the financial situation. The advisor can help you set a budget, optimise your spending, and give you some clear-headed advice on cash, debt and investments.

3. My next advice is social. There is no point in not accepting that you have lost your source of income (for time being), and thus don’t shy away from explaining to your friends or family that you need to cut back right now. By eliminating social expenses like eating out or attending parties that may be avoided, you can free up cash to cover your essentials and also keep yourself from racking up new credit card debt, which will cause more financial stress.

4. Final advice – start preparing for the future, right away. Ask people you know of, maybe your ex-boss or ex-colleague for work options. A job loss can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the time to start work on that start-up you always wanted to start up, of course after taking into account your financial standing. If you are a bit creative, or have a lot of experience under your belt, you can seek opportunities in the gig economy where you can find work under short-term contracts or freelance work. Spend time learning or honing a skill that people may pay for. The idea is to reach out as much as possible, towards people and opportunities that may help you come out of this crisis sooner. Spend no time in the vortex of desperation. Keep thinking about and working on ideas.

As the famous singer Bob Marley said –

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Seriously, you have no choice but to stop regretting what has happened in the past and stop worrying what may happen in the future but only focus on what you can do now.

Here, I also remember what Viktor Frankl wrote in his seminal book Man’s Search for Meaning –

…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.

It is not the end of world, believe me. Plus, almost everyone is facing some or the other trouble and you are not alone in it. So, don’t ever feel that way.

Just be thankful for everything you have now – a supportive family, emergency funds, savings, roof on head, food on plate, and skills you can improve upon to earn money in the future – and just get started again.

Treat the day of your job loss as the first day of the rest of your life. Start afresh. Make it count.

You can do it!

Love and a shoulder to rest upon, Vishal

* * * That’s about it from me for today.

If you liked this post and know someone who you think may benefit from it, please share with them on WhatsApp, Twitter, or just email them the link to this post.

Stay safe.

With respect, — Vishal

The post You Lost Your Job, Now What? appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

You Lost Your Job, Now What? published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/