#finding a balance between in character + hurtful + not TOO hurtful + you guys just need to talk it out

[television-overload]

Writing Mulder and Scully out of sync, not talking, not getting along, is WAY harder than I thought it would be. If anyone has any advice 😅

[ochibrochi]

spontaneous magic manifestation was NOT mentioned in the parenting handbook 😬

I know this isn’t how magic in dc works, but the fact that Damian’s ancestry includes some pretty powerful magic users is… INTERESTING 🤔? Drabble under the cut!

I wanna preface that I'M NOT SAYIN' that Damian should/does have magic powers, but there’s still so much unexplored potential with Damian's character, and the thought that he has a dormant adeptness in magic is somewhat compelling to me. Most importantly it would FREAK! BRUCE! OUT!!!!! What is this, magic puberty 😭??

By DC laws, anyone has the ability to learn magic, but it is also possible to be an innate ability. The Al Ghuls are no strangers to the occult-- Ra's has had increasingly been portrayed as a magic user, and the recent establishment of his mother being a sorceress/witch?? Even Talia dabbled in a bit of magic, I think. There is a catch that their power is suggested to be due to Lazarus exposure, but for arguments sake let's say the Al Ghul lineage is inherently proficient in magic (and Lazarus exposure simply enhances it).

I can't recall "magic" being a part of Damian's training/upbringing (I'm still slowly catching-up on Damian comics so apologies if I miss any canon examples of magic use). Not sure why Talia wouldn't want her little "heir to an ancient assassin empire baby" to learn magic, but it would at least give reason to Damian not knowing about his magic potential, or lack of interest in it.

Through the power of pseudo storytelling, what if Damian's encounter with Mother Soul could have triggered a manifestation of magic that was once dormant; like a pressure cooker waiting to explode with energy when it hasn't been given a safe outlet.

I've yet to read a satisfying arc where Damian truly gets to contemplate his Al Ghul roots outside of "dad is good guy, mum is bad guy". Damian's initial character growth stems from him running away from, and renouncing his association with the League (i.e. "I'm nothing like you, mother and grandfather!").

The most recent thing I've read was Robin (2021), and whilst Damian is much more cordial with his mother, there's still an emotional distance and sense of distrust/resentment (for good reason, even if the context was some cartoonishly evil writing). But there is a silver-lining that they still appear to be fond of each other, in a melancholy kind of way.

Realizing he's "genetically" primed for magic would be especially confronting to Damian. There's no denying his Al Ghul blood, forcing him to confront a facet of himself he can no longer ignore or reject. A family that he likely has to approach for help/guidance.

Damian is put in a position of acknowledging this power could be used for good, to be stronger, to fight crime, balancing it with the implication that what he possesses could be rooted in dark magic (Lazarus enchantment).

If he decides to embrace it, would that be too much of an endorsement of the Al Ghul's dark occultism? Can he separate the two ideas? What if he can't control it? What if he accidentally hurts someone? What if has the ability to save someone where his other skills fall short?

Ideally, I'd love for this hypothetical story to lead into Damian exploring his Al Ghul heritage more intimately, historically, and spiritually (à la RSoB: Year of Redemption adventures). Another little coming-of-age self discovery journey.

I have my own little personal thoughts on what Damian decides to do with his magic powers, but I'd like to leave that open to interpretation... By the end of it I hope that he will at least find some forgiveness over resentment, and a balance between accepting that side of his family a little easier. It is finally a sense of inner peace :)

Any thoughts? Did I get any characterisation wrong? Let's talk over on my DC blog @arkhamochi! I'm currently trying to read all Damian-centric comics until I catch up with the current run. I'm hungry for discussion and analysis!!!!!!

[comfortless]

sylly (like silly yk yk) what are your könig hcs? 🌹

SYLLY?! i…. Ok…. fair warning this is a little long… all that i do is think about this guy someone get him out of my head.

tread carefully reading this! there is a lot of sensitive content here: mental health stuff, abuse, mentions of sex and pornographic material, suicidal ideation, etc etc.

Generic, silly headcanons:

He prefers coffee (black) over tea, but he does have a bit of a sweet tooth (will never resist caramel if it’s presented to him). Honestly, he’s pretty self-reliant when it comes to food, too. On lazy days, he makes enough to where a takeout bill is hardly a concern, but for the most part he cooks! Not a chef by any means, but nothing he ever makes is bad!

Definitely wants a big, loving family, the polar opposite of what he had growing up as an only child in a far less than perfect household. Not a dealbreaker, but he does yearn for all of the love that he’s missed out on and then some.

Not big on video games, but… I do think he is absolutely spending every lonely leave playing Elder Scrolls. Would be so easy to convince to go larping or to a renfaire. I see everyone’s car/bike guy headcanons and I raise you… obsessed with fantasy König. He loves history and myth!! Why not combine the two and see him in chainmail.

The scent & kink posts. But to add… he’s an affectionate biter. (,: Knows the correct places to do so that won’t cause damage or hurt too terribly much. Likes to sniff you just as well! The embodiment of the “merge souls with me” post; in love, he just wants to feel you any way that he can and have some part of you lingering on him, even if it’s just a stray hair or your scent clinging to his shirt or pillowcase.

Cheating is never on this guy’s mind when he’s in a relationship. If he’s found a lady not running for the hills the second she catches sight of him, that’s his one and only. Sure, he may find himself attracted to someone else at some point or other during the duration of a relationship, but he’s devoted and disciplined! There’s never the fear of anyone coming in between he and his lover. He’ll spoil you with gifts, clingy to a point it’s overbearing, always giving you the utmost care… but is not opposed to bullying you into being a submissive, trembling mess either. He’s balanced!

Adores animals. Like any of them. There’s a special place in his heart for cats, but having a constant companion that he can take on hikes like a large dog would be ideal. Would definitely consider owning a tarantula or a snake, too. ^^ He isn’t scared of anything, let alone a creature that most are misinformed about… (he projects a little..). He would treat them just as well as anyone would treat a more “normal” pet. Understanding if you wouldn’t want to hold a giant arachnid (they’re delicate and you squirming over it would make him a bit protective over the poor thing. ): ), but it would mean a lot to him if you were more accepting.

König would not be a pretty sight (to most people) the majority of the time… I doubt that he takes care of himself past training his body and his allotted one-two minute military showers. His character description describes what is rumored to be under his mask as scary. Let him have his buzzcut, and scars, and teeth or old wounds a little too fucked up to fix! Unconventionally attractive is still attractive! (i think his ‘face reveal’ is actually so cute…)

Lots of sporadic little thoughts, but… Ambidextrous, can not ride a bike, whistles/hums to fill lapses of silence, flexes his fingers/cracks his knuckles when he’s nervous, definitely snores (loudly), brushes his teeth like 3-4 times a day (when he can) because he eats so much, not a picky eater at all, thinks it’s cute if you’re affectionately a little grossed out by him from time to time, absolutely the kind of person that thinks fuel and fire smell good, fluent in English and German but certainly knows many words and phrases from other languages.

Kind of clumsy. Overthinks the way his body looks to the point where sometimes his movements are a little stiff. Overestimates how tall a door frame may be if he’s distracted in the presence of others, hits his head and plays it off like he didn’t even notice. He’s (obviously) highly confident on the field, but in regular circumstances it’s totally reversed.

Though. Yeah. Sometimes this does translate onto the field. Can’t stay in one place for too long, once knocked an enemy soldier out by barreling into him. He’s a quick shot, skillful with any weapon that falls into his hands, but his focus can get a little skewed.

He collects some things. Nothing exactly pricy, but antique knives, coins, and a pocket watch or two. And he isn’t the most apt at putting things together in an appealing way… The first time you’re allowed into his house it looks like he’s robbed some vintage hunting shop/is planning something nefarious with the way he’s just got a few daggers strewn about his kitchen table. Just push them to the side, it’s fine! (His favorite is certainly one with a handle carved from a stag’s antler.)

Definitely takes a physical approach to bad feelings. @melancholic-thing mentioned to me that he bites himself when he’s feeling dejected or frustrated and yeah. (All of Ghost’s hcs for him are factually correct.) Not going to punch a hole through the wall but may aggressively slam a door or raise his voice before he can catch himself.

I have many thoughts about König’s childhood/early adulthood. Like, too many. But to summarize…

I think that everyone experiences bullying to an extent but what would make it so bad that it managed to make its way into the scraps that we do have of him? What made him so fundamentally unlikable to his peers? /: With my König I’ve settled on it being a blend of neurodivergency and a nightmare home life and alienation from his peers.

Height is predominantly viewed as a good trait. I don’t think it was necessarily his appearance at all that got him picked on so heavily (albeit… I do think that he would have had some scars, crooked teeth, regular facial bruising or cuts from scraps with other children/his father). Perhaps not the most conventionally attractive guy around, but normally viewed as a solid 5/10, just average. The kind of person who you wouldn’t remember from just a face alone.

His personality was always memorable though.

Whilst the other children/teenagers were interested in the regular trends, sports, whatever was shown on the television or heard on the radio at the time, I think he probably would have had a great interest in escapism!!

Comics, books, researching history and geography, etc, anything that could keep him from thinking of where he was/what other people viewed him as. He had a lot of strange things to say: odd facts (like the kind of person to tell you the longest word in the dictionary because he thinks it’s cool, “um actually—“ to correct something, monologuing about some bug you’ve just squashed and how it was not just a pest but very useful in nature, borderline concerning reactions to being shunned (feigned threats of violence that he would laugh off, things he’s probably heard from media and his own parents), over explaining himself for the simplest of misunderstandings, and… quoting his Oma’s very old-fashioned turns of phrase (think of little Kö regularly saying “Du gehst mir tierisch auf den Keks.” when he’s annoyed whereas the others say things far less dated like “Du gehst mir auf den Sack.”)

With him being difficult to relate to and having the most uncanny things slip out of his mouth, others probably did view him as a bit of a freak. He didn’t particularly stand up for himself often either apart from a few fights (and would never hit a girl). He would stay quiet, pretend to focus on his studies or whatever else was before him while the other children jeered and taunted. Regularly a target for fake confessions and offers to hang out outside of school, too.

König did have crushes, did have people he thought were cool and wanted to befriend, but after the third time of showing up someplace that he had to walk to on his own to find that no one had actually wanted to spend their time with him, he gave up.

I don’t think he had a good relationship with his parents or much of anyone. Seriously, leaving for the military at seventeen sets off a ton of alarm bells! He left the week of his Oma’s passing, because what else was there for him — no girlfriend, no prospects, hardly a relationship with his mother or father.

His father was your standard shit parent— womanizing, loud, physically abusive towards König. “Bonding” activities with him always had a heavy lean towards violence: hunting and arguing that usually resulted in fist fighting his own son seemed to be his favorites. A small man with an equally small ego— he probably would have boasted about his affairs to König, exposed him to pornography as a way of making sure his son wasn’t anything other than straight (which: never stopped his curiosity). He would never hold back from telling König that he would never in a million years find a girl willing to put up with his supposed stupidity and shortcomings. Generally just viewed his own son as utterly worthless if not for use as a punching bag.

In turn, König always loathed him, would dread hearing the bastard just walking around the house because he knew he would always find something to bicker with his wife or son over. Nothing that they ever did would be deemed correct, and his social anxiety initially developed from his dealings with him.

His mother was withdrawn, emotionally neglectful. König was just… there to her; another mouth to feed, another person begging for the attention she would have rather spared on herself.

She wasn’t a bad mother and she did try, but the product of dealing with his father’s nonsense + letting her own mental illness go unchecked (as in, his father controlled the family financially and why would he let her blow through their funds to see a therapist and “lose her lucidity with pills and ridiculous talks”). There were some days when she would be feeling more like herself and take König along with her for walks through the park where she would try to ask him about his life, about school, and… he would end up spilling his guts to her only for her to return to silence. Still, those were his favorite days. His fondest memory was picking a flower for her on one of those walks, one that she kept pressed and later framed.

There were never family dinners, no movie nights, no day trips or vacations. The most blissful of days were spent in the comfort of his room where he could keep the door locked and muffle the sounds of his parents arguing with loud music.

So, König did not have much of a safe space within his own home, but he had his Oma and her cluttered little house. She had books and plenty of food, even a cat, too. Though she was like his mother, stern and withdrawn, she would at least sit with him and tell him stories of her own life. She would at least tell him “Ich lieb dich, Käferchen!” in her quiet voice, stroke his head where he would sit with his nose buried in a book beside her. She would show him her dusty antiques, her old photographs, and in turn taught him to be a proper man by making him tend to what needed to be done around her house. And the garden. He loved his Oma’s garden, full of orchids, petunias, and tomatoes she would mash up to make him goulash or tomatensalat!

With Austria’s leading religion being Catholicism, I do think his Oma would have dragged him with her to service plenty, too. Not that he ever particularly enjoyed it… just zoned out with a plastic soldier in his pocket to fidget with or some trading card he spent the money he earned doing chores for her on. He’s never considered himself religious, thought himself to be bound for Hell no matter what, even if most of the time he felt that he was already there.

You take a puppy that’s been beaten down his entire life, but still remains eager and throw him in a barrack with people more horrible than any bully he’s ever had, though…? He starts taking his father’s advice more and more then. He wouldn’t harm anyone that he didn’t view as deserving of it, but it didn’t need to go that far that often, anyway. König is aware of the space he takes up by then, aware that all of his training has made him more broad and sturdy, and those playground fights are nothing compared to what he’s capable of now.

He gets his callsign from a quip about him owning nothing. His barrack is empty, devoid of pictures or any sentimental belongings. He rarely checks his phone, there might be the occasional missed call from a spam number, what is there to even see? He has no social media presence, every leave is spent in a shitty apartment only a days travel from his hometown, and he is utterly silent when the other soldiers invite him out for drinks. So yes, he’s a king. The king of absolutely nothing.

One of these rowdy boys does eventually coax him into talking to a woman. He loses his virginity in a disgusting bar bathroom, where he asks her after the two minutes he’s spent inside of her if it means anything to her at all. She laughs, washes herself in the sink and calms him down, but doesn’t give him her number or anything more than her first name.

He’s starved for love, utterly miserable without it, but doesn’t have much of a desire to seek it out, either. He’s seen how people are, how they treat him. But time and time again he will grapple onto any thread that may lead him to a pinhole of hope when it’s offered to him. For the most part, he has his hand and a perpetually almost-empty bottle of lotion.

And it’s not much of a surprise that König has contemplated suicide more times than he can count. It has never culminated in any way, only fearing that he would disappoint his men, even further disappoint his parents, maybe even a small part of him still believes in a Hell; that maybe with enough vigilantism on his part he’ll earn his way to a pleasant afterlife, one he teeters on the separation of believing in and not.

He doesn’t think about his mental health, always haunted by his father’s words, thinking that assuredly it would make him weak if he were to seek help for something like his own thoughts. So he overexerts himself during workouts, bottles everything other than rage and love inside: no one is going to see him cry, not ever again after being laughed at for him hundreds of times during school where he sat being called an “ugly giant” a “daydreaming freak” and an “idiot” near daily where silent tears did escape, only spurring further laughter.

Though I do not write him with these things in mind for every au, there are always subtle hints scattered about. ^^ I could probably prattle on forever about him, but I will leave you with this for now…

[yiiyiiwrites]

JJ Maybank x burnt out, overachieving Kook

She comes from a large family, always compared to her siblings. Doesn’t matter how hard she works, she can’t quite get the approval or praise from her family. She wants it so bad, wants to be seen.

She’s ruined herself trying to live up to the family name, wasn’t her fault she had a full on mental breakdown at the country club and is banned temporarily. That kook ex boyfriend had what was coming in her eyes.

There’s rumours swimming around that she’s addicted some sort of drug but little did they know it’s just in the form of a tall blonde guy who allows her the space to breathe.

JJ Maybank sees her across the perfect lawn he’s cutting. Her shoulders drooped, arms crossed making her appear smaller as the housekeeper shouts at her to stay outside till the kitchen floor is dry. He doesn’t know that’s the only bit of attention she receives at home.

He hasn’t seen her before, apart from later that day when she’s chucking anything she can get her hands on at the kook that angered her. There’s a fire in her eyes that he’s all too familiar with, the helplessness clawing out, so she lashes out the moment someone hurts her because she’s at the end of her tether. Holding on, to god knows what.

Then there’s the meet cute. JJ’s hanging round the back of the club after his shift, smoking off the stress of the day when she crashes through the fire escape door. Her hands resting on her knees as she catches her breath. The blood drumming in her ears and the thumping in her head seem to silence as his voice filters through the mess in her head.

He doesn’t say anything else just gives her his joint and pats her back. She watches him zip away on his motorbike, the burn on her fingertips reminding her of his gift balancing between them.

The second time he runs in to the her, she’s kicking the shallow edge of water with her boots. He’s wading out of the sea, surf board tucked under his arm. She’s not dressed for the beach, clunky boots, heavy clad in short overalls that showcase her broad shoulders perfectly. The bucket hat hiding her eyes, nose slightly bigger but fit her face and accentuate the shape of the Cupid bow lips. She’s not alone though, an older sister calling her from the row of towels accompanied by some more girls topping up their tans.

The third times the charm though. JJ hears her soft voice, not the scratched scream he first heard in her moment of rage. They might not be from the same place but they’re cut from the same cloth. Tongues dripping with hatred for their fathers, last names weighing them down.

She doesn’t know how long it’s been since she could breathe. The knot in her stomach disappearing as soon as she sees his smile. The comfort they give and find in each other.

JJ pushes her out of her comfort zone, gives her space to feel her way around and find herself. There’s so much potential in the unknown, the expectations set by her family falling off like shredding your armour after a big battle.

The moment to be still. To relax in his embrace, to be held. She just wanted to be seen and held.

You can read the other outer banks character prompts with burnt out over achiever kook on my profile. - Yiiyii

[whumptober]

Question for the mods because I'm curious :)

What are all of your fave prompts to write about/draw/edit/whatever creative thing you do??

Thanks for the ask anon! It was really fun for us all to come up with our favourites! And for a little more fun, at the end we've added a poll for you guys to let us know which mod's interests best align with your own!

Kitty - My favourite whump tropes are definitely captivity and torture, followed by burning buildings with of course smoke inhalation and oxygen masks and all that, vehicular accidents, and hypothermia (especially when paired with nearly drowning or falling through ice)! I absolutely adore anything with family feels too, especially found family, and although I don't write it much I love a good bit of enemies to lovers too. Characters dealing with mental health issues can also be very therapeutic for me. And of course my whump needs to have a good amount of comfort at the end, so recovery is a very good trope too!

Also, alternate universes are my jam!

Yenn - I love body horror and I go feral for mouth sewn shut. I don't know why that one fascinates me, but I love the horror and helplessness of it. I also deeply love sleep deprivation, maybe because I'm generally sleep deprived (I have nightmares every night). Coming in at a close third is probably Doomed by the Narrative, but only when it's done well, because I can usually spot it from the opening sequence and the fun becomes figuring out how we'll get to the fall. I'm all hurt, little or no comfort.

Surro - Found family will forever be my favourite trope, especially if the dynamic contains that One Whumpee that ties them all together. Parental figures who just so happen to let the One Whumpee get under their skin are also my jam as it makes the comfort that much sweeter. I go ham for misunderstood/outcast characters who sacrifice themselves for the team (and the team get to them just in time). But I also love writing for emotional angst, characters with anxiety (as it’s therapeutic for me) setbacks in recovery, head injuries, angst surrounding scars, and of course BEDSIDE VIGILS! (Especially if those watching the whumpee are wracked with guilt for abandoning said whumpee)

Personally I lean more towards the platonic/comfort side of Whump, but I make sure my characters go through hell to finally get their respite.

Vanne - I’m really unfaithful to tropes most of the time and normally have about a million WIPs going at once. I normally end up going back to more emotionally charged tropes every time though. I write a lot of doomed romances with a lot of emotional angst. I know that’s super vague, but honestly give me tears, rejection, loneliness and a character’s internal struggles and I’m all set. I’m so up for any kind of emotional trainwreck. I also really cycle through tropes that are relevant in my life at a given time, so it’s hard to list specifics. I’m definitely either all in on the hurt, or all comfort depending on the day. I rarely find a balance between the two.

[gffa]

Do you have any Sith!Obi-Wan fics you can recommend? 🙏

Hi! You can do a search for Sith Obi-Wan in my bookmarks which brings up several or you can start with the novel-length ones that still live rent-free in my head even years after I've read them: Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 95.9k During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. This fic was written for me, so I'm biased, but it's genuinely my favorite for the trope because Lily put all this thought into the undercurrents going on between the characters, because it gives such care about why any version of Obi-Wan would fall to the dark and what he would be like, because each chapter had moments of foreshadowing and care given to lush, beautiful descriptions and the creeping dread of the place. It's a gorgeous fic and I think even if someone doesn't usually like Sith versions of the characters, the way this one does it (created reflections, not that our characters are falling, so it's scratching the itch of how it's an extension of our characters, but our characters are not on that exact path), I would gently suggest this one.

Lex Talionis by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, 187.1k Or, how Obi-Wan and Anakin fell to the dark side, obtained their revenge, and saved the galaxy in the process. My other favorite Sith Obi-Wan fic, this one is about how these characters fall to the dark, and the author takes his time with how it happens step by step, but also how these massive, galaxy-spanning changes happen, how it's a combination of how sexy the dark side can be but also how awful it can be, how much pain and hurt it can cause. There's so much care and effort put into this story, it spans such a huge story, that it's one of those fics I want to physically print out in special binding because it deserves to be a pretty set on my bookshelf.

wicked thing by imaginarykat, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, 124.2k the story of how Anakin exists in a perpetual state of intense embarrassment, Kenobi is enjoying it a little too much, and everything is, generally speaking, a gigantic mess. This is an AU where Obi-Wan never trained Anakin and is already a Sith when we meet him, and there's a reason it's one of the most famous fics in the fandom, because it is the most charismatic thing I've just about ever read, the sheer amount of dark side sexy charm coming off Obi-Wan is incredible, the tension between him and Anakin is delicious, and the writing/plotting of the storyline is superb. I could not put this fic down when I read it, there's a reason this fic helped really popularize the trope, because it's just so goddamned addicting and glorious to read.

Soldier, Poet, King by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, time travel, 106.4k wip Second chances are very rarely given, but the Force smiles upon two of its favorite children and returns them to a time before their actions have met their consequences. Anakin Skywalker, also known as Darth Vader, seeks redemption while Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi, disillusioned with the Jedi Order and its Code, falls to the Darkness. Trapped out of time, Master and Apprentice must once again work together to stop Sideous’ plans from reaching fruition and bring Balance to the Force—all the while dodging the Jedi, the Sith, and their feelings for each other. I think this might even have been the first Sith!Obi-Wan fic that I read and I know it remains dear to me because I reread it a year or two ago and got sucked in just as hard as before. Obi-Wan is dropped back into his younger body, feels like the whole thing is a bunch of bullshit, gets sucked into dark thoughts, and just goes full dark side dom on Anakin and fixing the galaxy through machinations and foreknowledge. It's so fun and it does such great service to Anakin's level of power, that this guy is an absolute dragon in the Force, but that he also very much wants Obi-Wan's hand on the back of his neck to force him to kneel to the one person he loves. Hnngggg, it really cemented me as a fan of this trope because of how well it scratches the sexy dark side dom/sub while they're both badass dynamic, I love it so much.

I'm still making my way through a lot of Star Wars fic, so if anyone has any more recs, feel free to jump in, especially if you have some gen ones, since I mostly read pairing fic for Sith!Obi-Wan (because I'm personally after the sexy dom/sub dynamic with it)!

[lilacsnid]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐦 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: Y/N has been assigned on a solo undercover mission. Infiltrate the warehouse, secure the flash drive, and evade detection; seems simple enough. But what happens if she gets caught by a dangerous criminal & her life hangs in the balance?

𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙨: she/her pronouns used, mentions of violence, blood & gore, near death experience, guns & shooting.

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: this is a work of fiction; any names, characters from slow horses, places & incidents will either be a product of my imagination or used fictionally.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

“You’re not going,” River's voice cut through the space, making Y/N flinch in surprise as she stood at her locker in the team room.

She glanced over her shoulder, finding River standing in the doorway, his expression stern and his arms crossed.

All she could do was scoff in response, turning back around to face the wall as she rolled her eyes at him. “And since when have you been the boss of me, hey Cartwright?”

“You do realize how dangerous it is going after this guy by yourself? He could be armed, you don’t know what he might have waiting for you,” His concern was evident and his gaze remained locked on her, even as she turned away.

“I’m a big girl,” Y/N retorted, trying to maintain her composure, “Besides, it’s an undercover mission. All I need is that hard drive, I’ll be in and out before he even knows I’m there.”

River sighed, the weight of worry apparent in his features. “And what if he’s there waiting for you?”

“He won’t be, I’ll make sure of it,” She stated, closing her locker shut, the sound echoing throughout the room. There was a sense of finality in her actions.

He watched her prepare, tightening her holster and checking her gun. But his concern remained, and he refused to back down. 

“No, look-“ He stepped away from the door, closing the distance between them. “You can’t go, it’s too risky. Let me go, alright? I’ll cover for you with Lamb.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed at his words, her frustration starting to get the better of her. “Fuck off! This mission was assigned to me, okay? And I don’t need you to make my choices for me.”

“This guy is dangerous, do you understand?!” River raised his voice, the intensity in his words mirrored the concern that etched across his face.

She shrugged, attempting to mask the nerves that she was beginning have. “And so what if he is? It’s nothing any of us haven’t handled before.”

“What if you get hurt?” His voice softened, the tension in the air was thick and heavy as they stood face to face, only mere inches away from one another.

Y/N's eyes turned glassy, her emotions slowly coming to the surface. “Why do you care?”

His shock was evident as it seemed his words failed him for a brief moment. Because despite the nonchalant exterior he always perceived, the truth was that he did care. Very deeply. He cared about her safety more than he could express. He wanted to protect her, to be the one in harm's way instead.

“I-well,” He struggled to find the right words, their proximity heightening the intensity between them.

Y/N closed her eyes briefly, checking her watch as she let out a sigh, “I have to go.”

River held her gaze as she walked past him, “I’ll be on OBS the entire time with Ho, just in case. Good luck.”

She nodded silently, the weight of their unspoken feelings lingering in the air as she turned and walked away, leaving River with his worry and concern that had been gnawing at him, hoping against hope that she would return safely.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Y/N pulled up in her car, parking a few buildings away from the location. The mission instructions were simple: infiltrate the warehouse, secure the flash drive, and evade detection. The night enveloped her, and the lack of streetlights provided cover as she hugged the shadows, using the darkness to her advantage.

As she approached the warehouse, she did her routine check in with Ho who was on observation with Louisa and River back at Slough House. 

“Alpha One to Base,” Y/N pressed against her radio that was strapped to the inside of her stab proof vest, waiting for a response from control.

She inhaled deeply, scanning her surroundings before a response crackled through her earpiece. “Copy, go ahead Alpha One,” Louisa's voice sounded in her ear.

“I have visual on the target building,” Y/N reported, eyes fixed forward, “On foot and approaching.”

“Alpha One, received,” Louisa acknowledged.

As Y/N drew closer to the building, she couldn't shake the unnerving atmosphere surrounding the warehouse. It was concealed from the bustling streets of London, a secluded spot that was perfect for an escaped criminal trying to lay low whilst still carrying out operations.

“Alpha One to Base, I’m outside the warehouse on Carrington Street,” Y/N whispered into her radio, glancing cautiously at her surroundings, “So far so good.”

“Understood, Alpha One,” Louisa advised, her voice a reminder of the potential danger, “Avoid trouble if possible and stay alert. This bloke’s a right nasty twat, best to keep out of sight.”

Before Y/N could respond, she heard River’s reassuring voice filtering through her earpiece, a sense of comfort settling over her at the thought of his watchful presence.

“Remember, Alpha One, Ho’s hacked into the CCTV. No one inside will have access to the surveillance, but we'll have eyes on you,” His voice conveyed a calm authority as Y/N glanced up at the cameras scanning the warehouse's exterior.

“Roger that, out,” She affirmed with a nod.

Despite being briefed on the warehouse's layout, Y/N began to feel overwhelmed. It was far larger than anticipated, with more rooms than she remembered from the briefing. Despite the team back at Slough House watching via the camera system, there was an eerie stillness that lingered, and she couldn't shake the feeling of another presence.

As she opened the door to the expansive warehouse, the power abruptly cut. Darkness enveloped her, forcing her to rely on her adjusting vision. 

"Alpha One, do you copy?" River's voice crackled through her radio.

"Yeah—" Her response was cut short as a strong arm seized her, a hand clamping over her mouth.

River jolted forward, his eyes fixed on the screen that had now been dark for the last few minutes, silently waiting for Y/N to respond. His fingers pressed against his lips as he whispered urgently, "Come on, Y/N, answer your bloody radio."

The insufferable silence dragged on, his anxiety growing by the minute. With no visual on her, the tension lingered throughout the small room, the only sound being the audible breaths through their headsets. River's gaze remained glued to the screens, leaning closer to catch any faint sound.

He could feel his heart beating hard against his chest as her whimpers suddenly pierced through the radio. "Alpha One, do you copy?" He asked once again, attempting to mask his worry as he stared intently at the monitors, awaiting a response. A surge of relief hit him as he heard the sound of her voice.

But then he then froze at her words. "H-He’s…he’s going to kill me," Y/N's voice crackled before the line abruptly went dead.

It was then as if time was moving in slow motion. River threw off his headset and snatched his gun from the desk in front of him. “Louisa, call it in!”

His hands shook as the adrenaline shot through him, running as fast as he could out of Slough House and into his car. Louisa followed suit, jumping into the passenger seat as she called for reinforcements. His foot slammed down on the accelerator, weaving through traffic with urgency. Y/N's words echoed in his mind, relentless and haunting as they played on a loop in his mind. As he got lost in his thoughts, he barely registered Louisa's attempts to reassure him.

"She’ll be alright," Louisa offered solace.

He shook his head, completely consumed by determination. "No, she shouldn’t have even been there in the first place!"

He honked at obstructing cars, muttering under his breath, "She can’t die, she can’t die. She can’t."

As they pulled up outside the location of the warehouse, a number of police units were already on scene. River ran up to one of the commanding officers, showing his I.D as he spoke. "Agent Cartwright. What’s going on? Has anyone been sent in?"

The officer hesitated, “We’re still awaiting authorization and are assessing the situation.”

River's frustration erupted as he squared up at the officer. "Assessing what?! She’s service, she might die. What the fuck are you waiting for?!"

"River, stop!" Louisa's grip tightened on his shoulder, but he was already turning away.

Y/N's voice echoed relentlessly through his head as he turned to look at the building she was being held in. Frustration boiled over, and before anyone could stop him, he muttered fuck this and ran into the warehouse with his weapon drawn.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

“I’ve had enough of you fucking stupid agents trying to take what’s mine,” the man hissed into Y/N's ear, his grip tightening around her neck. She tried to respond but was instead violently thrown to the ground, a groan escaping her lips upon impact with the unforgiving concrete. Her head throbbed painfully from the impact, sending jolts of pain through her.

Despite her distress, the man continued his assault, his glare unrelenting as he completely unleashed.  

He began to kick her in the stomach with the brute force of his foot, yelling in-between kicks, “Always getting in the fucking way!”

A part of her wished she was dead already. She felt like she was in the depths of hell and the pain that was running through her body was beyond excruciating, she was terrified. 

He lurched forward and picked her body up like it was a rag doll, throwing her against the wall with his hands gripped around her throat, beginning to choke her. She mustered up whatever strength she had left and clawed desperately at his hands, trying anything to get him to stop.

He threw her to the ground again, causing her to cry out in pain. He then grabbed her by her vest, forcing her to stand to her feet. His grip supported her weakened form, preventing her from crumbling to the ground.

“And now,” He seethed with gritted teeth as he snatched her gun from her waist and pointed it into her side, “You’re going to die.”

A voice boomed through the empty warehouse, one that Y/N recognised.

“MI5! Drop your weapon!”

"River," she managed, her voice only a fragile whisper.

The sound of a gunshot then shattered through the air, and she felt like her body was on fire. The pain was intense and was coursing through her veins, leaving her gasping for breath. She let out a scream, knowing in that moment that she had just been shot. 

River heard her cries and didn’t hesitate. He pulled the trigger of his gun, another bullet ringing throughout the warehouse, striking her attacker and making him drop to the floor, completely motionless.

“Y/N!” He yelled, rushing over to where her body was sprawled on the floor. He fumbled for his phone with trembling hands before dialling 999.

“Cartwright, agent number 5263. I need immediate medical assistance. Warehouse on Carrington Street. I have an officer down, gunshot wound to the torso. She’s in a really bad way.” He relayed to the operator, his breaths ragged. 

Dropping to his knees beside her, River’s hands shook as he checked for a pulse. His voice quivered as he called her name once again. He sat down behind her with tears blurring his vision as he pulled her close to him, cradling her as his heart wrenched with regret. 

“Y/N, can you hear me?” He implored, brushing the stray strands of hair away from her face, “Open your eyes for me, come on!”

He heard her let out a slight gasp, her eyelids fluttering open slowly as she glanced up at him. "River," she choked, her voice strained as she was struggling to breathe. "You're here."

“It’s okay, you’re okay. Help’s coming, I just need you to stay with me, okay?” He pleaded, ripping off her stab-proof vest, and pressing his hand firmly to her side to apply pressure to her gunshot wound.

She cried out in pain, tears starting to pool in her eyes as she fought to focus on him. “I’m… I’m,” she struggled, each word a heavy wheeze as she could feel her strength starting to leave her.

River shushed her gently, wrapping his free arm around her, “Hey, just try not to talk.”

She could hear the distinct quiver in his voice, a vulnerability she had never witnessed in him before. As he held her, she could feel him shaking. She weakly reached for his hand, a fragile connection in that harrowing moment. Meeting her gaze, he gently squeezed her hand back.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, his voice breaking, “I should never of left you go alone.”

"It’s okay," she murmured, her voice barely audible, "You're here now."

River held her close, tears streaming down his face, whispering words of reassurance, pleading for her to hold on as they waited for the ambulance to arrive. He applied more pressure to her side with his hand, taking notice of the blood that had stained his hands and his gaze fixated on her closed eyes. 

“No, hey,” He pleaded as he shook her gently, desperately trying to get her to open her eyes, “You need to stay awake, come on.”

“I….can’t,” She uttered slowly, her breath beginning to leave her as she struggled to speak. 

“No, you have to!” River’s voice rose in urgency, pulling her up against him, “Please, Y/N.”

Gasping for air, she spoke softly, her breaths growing shallow. "I'm scared."

“It’s okay,” He assured her, his voice soft as he whispered in her ear, “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

"Y/N?" His voice trembled, panic clawing at his chest as he felt her growing limp in his arms, unresponsive.

"No!" His cry echoed, holding her tightly. "Come on, Y/N! Please!"

Tears flowed down his face as he fought to keep her awake, searching desperately for any sign of life. "Stay with me, Y/N. Please, stay with me."

Through the windows, blue lights and sirens pierced through the darkness, signalling the arrival of help. River heard his name being called as the doors were opened. His heart raced, but his gaze remained solely on the girl in his arms.

"We're here!" he called out, desperation lacing his voice. "Help!"

River stood by, feeling utterly helpless as he watched the paramedics swiftly take charge, assessing Y/N and lifting her up onto the stretcher. His eyes stayed fixed on her, a mixture of dread and determination etched across his features.

“Is she going to be okay?” He asked as he walked alongside the stretcher, his steps matching the hurried pace of the paramedics as they loaded her into the ambulance. His hand reached out, wanting to hold hers, but he restrained himself.

“We’re doing everything we can,” One of the paramedics spoke, “But she needs to get to hospital now.”

“You go with her,” Louisa spoke gently from where she stood beside him, patting his back reassuringly, “I’ll meet you there.”

Inside the ambulance, River sat beside Y/N, his gaze never leaving her. The urgency in the paramedics' actions sent a chill down his spine. They worked quickly, trying to stabilize her condition.

The abrupt sound of the heart monitor flat lining made his heart drop, and he watched in horror as the paramedic rushed around the ambulance, saying words that he didn’t understand. The tears fell silently as he watched the paramedic begin to perform chest compressions on her as they neared the hospital. There was no longer any doubt that she was now fighting for her life. River just prayed to a god he didn’t believe in that she would live to survive another day. 

He felt a knot tighten in his chest, a sense of powerlessness starting to overwhelm him. His hands trembled, fingers tightly clenched into fists, a silent plea echoing in his mind, willing her to hold on.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Louisa called the office number to Slough House, informing everyone of Y/N’s condition before making her way to the hospital to meet River. After asking for directions from the front desk, she navigated her way through the corridors until she eventually found him in a waiting room, hunched over in a chair with his head in his hands. 

"Hey," she spoke softly, causing River to lift his head. His eyes were bloodshot eyes and his appearance dishevelled.

"How is she? What's going on?" Louisa's asked, concern evident in her voice.

He shook his head, inhaling deeply, trying to gather his thoughts. "I don't know. She's in surgery. They've asked me to wait here. It might take hours... I just... I don't know."

"Why?" Louisa inquired.

He shook his head again as his breathing hitched, “The nurse said they are having to remove her spleen and something about a haemorrhage, the bullet didn’t leave an exit wound.”

Louisa, taken aback by the severity of the situation, murmured softly to herself. She stole a glance at River, taking notice of  the silent tears tracing down his face as he stared down at the floor.

“What is it?” She pressed, sensing there was something else he needed to say.

River drew a shaky breath in, his gaze distant and eyes glassy, “Her heart stopped beating, they had to resuscitate her twice in the ambulance. So, I don’t know.”

Louisa pulled him into a brief hug, offering him a small moment of comfort before he pulled away, collecting himself with a sharp breath.

"Would you like a break? I can stay here if you need some time," Louisa offered, concern etched in her words. But he shook his head, his mind already being made up.

"No," he replied, settling back down into his seat. "I'm not going anywhere. I don’t care how long it takes, I need to know if she’s going to make it.” 

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

As the night wore on, the whole of Slough House slowly started pouring into the waiting room. Six long hours had passed with an almost agonising sense of anticipation and uncertainty as Y/N remained in theatre, doctors desperately trying to save her life. 

River remained seated in the same spot he'd occupied throughout the night, his leg nervously bouncing up and down in an agitated rhythm as he stared into the void. Raising his hands slightly, he glanced at the lingering traces of blood staining his palms, a harsh reminder of the whole ordeal. Thoughts of her consumed him, and the fear of losing someone he cared about gnawed at his core like never before, he had never felt so scared of losing someone.

It had felt like an eternity before the surgeon had finally entered the waiting room, full of Y/N’s colleges and friends. An anxious anticipation filled the room as he took off his surgical scrub cap, everyone standing to their feet and looking at him expectantly.  

"She's pulled through the surgery," The surgeon announced, a collective exhale of relief echoing through the space. River, overwhelmed with emotion, closed his eyes briefly and sighed in relief. She had survived; she was alive.

“But she has been under anaesthetic for a long time, so it might be a while before she wakes up. You’re all welcome to wait here.” He said before nodding and exiting the room, leaving everyone to their own devices. 

Gradually, one by one, the others departed for the night, leaving only River and Louisa behind. A nurse eventually approached them with the long-awaited news that Y/N had woken up and that they were finally allowed to see her.  

As the pair neared her room in the ICU, River stopped in his tracks as he caught sight of her small and fragile figure resting on the hospital bed, a wave of different emotions crashing over him.

"You go ahead," He murmured to Louisa, his voice strained. "I just need a minute."

Leaning against the corridor wall, he desperately tried to gather his thoughts, taking a few minutes to compose himself. Just mere moments later, Louisa emerged from the room, wearing a gentle smile.

"I'm heading out," She informed, slipping on her coat and gesturing towards the room. "She's asking for you."

He managed to shoot her a faint smile, watching and thanking Louisa as she left, leaving him alone to gather his thoughts again before stepping into the room.

He stepped inside, taking note of how quiet the room was, the only noise to be heard was the beeping of machines. Y/N's eyes fluttered open as she sensed his presence, a faint smile touching her lips as she glanced over at him.

“Hey,” she whispered softly into the silence.

River took a deep breath as he lingered in the doorway, “Hey yourself.”

He approached her bedside, his voice faltering for a moment, “You know, you scared the shit out of us all today, you nearly died.”

"You know me, always the dramatic," She joked, wincing from a shooting pain in her broken ribs as she attempted to laugh.

River chuckled softly, shifting his weight uneasily as his gaze drifted over the array of tubes and the IV connected to her. A number of bruises scattered on her skin, with cuts littering on her face and neck.

She watched as he shook his head and followed his gaze downward. When his eyes met hers again, she noticed the stray tear that fell down his cheek. The memories from the incident flooded back to her almost instantly. She remembered him crying, the fear in his voice and his desperate attempts to keep her alive from the moment he had found her.

“I thought,” River sighed, “I thought I had lost you.”

She smiled softly, shaking her head gently, “You’re stuck with me.”

He watched as she lifted her hand, reaching out and beckoning for him to come closer. He sniffled as he closed the gap between them, gently clasping his hand in hers. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, intertwining their fingers as he stared down at them, a small smile tugging on his lips.

She shrugged lightly, “As good as one can be after nearly dying.”

“You almost did, Y/N,” River murmured, letting out a sigh.

"But I didn't," She countered, gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, "You made sure of that."

"I don't think I'll ever want to let you out of my sight again." Another smile formed as he spoke, but his voice held a somewhat serious tone. 

Upon returning the smile, she took careful notice of his appearance and glanced at the traces of her blood that still stained his hands.

“Have you been here all night?” She asked, her brows furrowed in confusion as she waited for him to respond. 

He nodded, clearing his throat, “Yeah.”

She shot him a perplexed look, “It’s been hours, you must be exhausted!”

River shook his head, his eyes filled with an intensity, “I’m fine, okay? I had to. I needed to see you.”

A silence settled between them, a fragile moment full of uncertainty. He kept her hand in his, his touch gentle and filled with unspoken emotions.

“Look, I uh- need to tell you something,” River's voice trembled slightly, as he held her gaze, “I should've said it sooner, but I couldn't... I care about you, Y/N. More than I've ever admitted. You mean everything to me. And watching you get shot... I’ve never felt so helpless.”

Y/N's eyes glossed over with tears, her hand squeezing his in response, a silent acknowledgement of their shared emotions.

“I know,” She whispered, a faint smile tugging at her lips, “I've always known. I feel the same way.”

River sat down beside her on the bed, pulling her into his arms protectively, assured of her safety this time. As they gently pulled away from their hug, a fleeting moment passed before River found himself inching closer. His gaze met hers, silently seeking permission before he leaned in to kiss her. Their lips met in a tender, tentative kiss – both of their emotions pouring out. It was soft, as if he was scared he was going to break her. As they parted, their eyes met and their foreheads rested against one another, an unspoken understanding passing between them.

Y/N smiled, pulling his hand to rest against her chest, “Did it really take for me to almost die for you to admit that?”

River chuckled, shaking his head as he kept his forehead pressed against hers, “Yeah, probably not the best way to go about it.”

©𝙇𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙎𝙉𝙄𝘿

4080 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

[dramadramallama]

Love Supremacy - brain rot part 1

So I have a problem. I enjoyed the first half of Love for Love's Sake without knowing I would get absolutely bowled over by the second half. I have so much to say holy fuck, I'm all over the place.

Unfortunately for everyone, my brain has been love supremacied, and I'm unable to move on. The show has a high rewatch value. It’s full of details; big, important ones, and small, insignificant ones, but they all add a lot of weight to the story. I need to exorcise my thoughts for my own sake. I guess if I have to intellectualize it somewhat, I really liked the show cause it’s perfectly balanced in terms of structure, and its themes. Judging from the amount of notes I have made on this show on my second watch, it’s safe to say it’s got some substance. It cleverly uses a mise en abyme, “a story within a story (within a story)” to really stack all those layers, and answer an age-old, quite difficult question: “what’s crucial to a happy life?” Dialogues, scenes, characters, and motifs all echo, mirror, and circle back to one another, giving the story enough dimension to avoid banalities.

Simply put, the thesis of the show is surprisingly philosophical, with universal themes. It posits that life is neither fate nor chance, and the answers are in mundane details of life. "Happiness is hidden somewhere in each of our days."

It’s obviously about love; a double love story even. Myung-ha learns to love someone else, and himself too. It's about life, and it's about death, new beginnings, and everything in between. The show made me feel like this, and like this, and like this, and...

▶️1. Mirrors/Symmetry

2. Fate, Free Will, and Happiness

3. Game/Reality

The story structure is very symmetrical. Circular almost. I LOVE IT, I EAT IT UP LIKE A HUNGRY, GRUBBY GOBLIN. Things begin where they end, elements keep repeating themselves like a series of mirrors.

By going through the game, Myung-ha finds himself on the other side of the mirror: he is supposed to find his own happiness, and will to live.

Yeo-woon is introduced to the audience as a sad side character in someone else’s story, victim of his “fate.” He almost perfectly mirrors Myung-ha: his background is eerily similar to his. He was raised by his (recently deceased) grandma, with an absent mother and a dead-beat dad. He’s lonely, unhappy.

When Myung-ha first meets him, Yeo-woon is resolutely standing on top of a building, about to fall or jump, which directly parallels Myung-ha's own suicide. In this new iteration of life, in this “game,” he saves Yeo-woon from hurting himself, which is the start of his own salvation. Saving Yeo-woon, the poor guy who didn’t get his happy ending, is saving himself. Yeo-woon is like a version of him right before he lost control of his life, after his grandma died, and he felt abandoned by all. It’s the core of the game, and the core of the drama, but Myung-ha (and we, the audience) can’t understand it right away.

Several details, in retrospect, show that he is the driving force behind this "game", and that it’s, by lack of a better term, both a test (as in, an exercise, a learning mechanism) and a Test (as in, an exam you don't wanna fail.) Myung-ha’s main, most important mission is to “make Yeo-woon happy.” Which he happily and enthusiastically tackles. He does what we all do: he takes a liking to the character most relatable to him. Time and time again, the way he reacts when presented with someone who struggles the same way he did is very telling.

He provides comfort. The comfort he lacked in his own life. (distant sounds of my heart shattering.)

But Yeo-woon isn’t the only one mirroring elements of Myung-ha’s life. Sang-won is a careless, tough-looking student, who seems slightly directionless. He picks fights easily and has a reputation at school for being “crazy.” He also smokes and rides a motorcycle (both illegal lol). His mom having abandoned Myung-ha, it’s also relevant to note Sang-won doesn’t seem to have a very good relationship with his own mother, and craves her attention. Although, he is your typical badboy, he is overall nice, sensitive, and has good intentions.

Myung-ha himelf appears to have been quite the turbulent student, with his own “mad dog” nickname. He, just like Sang-won, knows a thing or two about school fights, also drives a bike (lmao 100% sure he didn’t wait to have a license to drive though). Although he berates Sang-won for his rebellious side, with the patronizing tone of someone who’s done it all before, he shows genuine care.

Finally, Kyung-hoon. To me, he’s like another facet of Myung-ha’s personality. An absolute sweetheart, without friends, but always ready to help, and open to be befriended. While Myung-ha seems nonchalant about speaking badly of himself, he cannot stand it from others. He makes him his friend on the spot.

Once again, he provides like-minded friends the safe space he probably would have liked as a troubled, most certainly depressed teenager. Of course, it turns out Yeo-woon hates himself the most too (and by extension, dislikes everyone else.) It's the first clue for Myung-ha to realize some self-love might be the answer.

As it will become increasingly clear, Myung-ha has no issues protecting, providing for, and loving others, but fails to realize he should do the same for himself to achieve balance, and maybe, a little bit of happiness. The journey to get there makes him care for someone else the way he should care for himself, love someone else, like he should love himself. 

The last episode does a wonderful job of confirming what seemed to be threaded through the whole show, and explaining very clearly, in no uncertain terms, what it was all about.

However, the interesting aspect of this “mirror world," is that all of them, and Yeo-woon in particular, flip the script, in more ways than one. They all are a reflection of Myung-ha's life, but transcend their condition of “fictional character.” They’re not virtual. Yeo-woon is not made of something unreal, and he’s not a messed up copy of someone else. He has his own needs, desires, and quirks.

I don't think I can name them all here, but one of my favorite circular storytelling moment happens when Yeo-woon parallels Myung-ha by running to "find his fave." That moment in ep 8 counterbalances the one in ep 1.

Nothing is written in stone, and both of them set off to build their own happiness, against fate.

[noobiestnoober]

A Complicated Love (Reader x Damon x Elena)

The story is set in 1994 Prison World, when Y/N (female) is a character in TVD who is stuck with Bonnie and Damon and starts developing feelings for Damon Salvatore and vice versa, despite Damon being still in love with Elena.

This is my first time posting a one-shot fanfic. I hope you enjoy it. <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prison World

Y/N didn't anticipate that she'd find herself in such a place as Prison World, a desolate, eerie double of Mystic Falls. It was supposed to be another Mystic Falls mission, with her tagging along with Bonnie and Damon. They found themselves in this alternative dimension, lost in the fight for survival, and most desperately struggling to find a way out. Days turned into weeks, and finally, weeks into months. During all of this, Y/N looked to Bonnie and Damon. They developed a connection out of difficult circumstances, and mutual reliance on each other's strength went beyond friendship. Weeks became months, and Y/N, well aware that Damon had affection for Elena, began to harbour feelings for him.

It complicated their bond even more now that they shared their days with another prisoner in the world: Kai Parker, a sociopathic but kind-of-charming guy who seemed to be thoroughly dangerous. Kai took an interest in Y/N from the first day, and his flirtatious ways and smooth talking made Y/N's skin crawl. Damon saw how Kai wouldn't let up with the flirting, and he felt something rise inside him towards Y/N, but he would shake it off.

One evening, Damon stood in between Kai and Y/N when Kai pushed too close.

"Stay out of it, Kai," Damon's eyes flashed furiously.

Kai grinned, flinging his palms up in a fictitious surrender. "What? I'm simply enjoying myself a little.”

"Fun's over," Damon yelled. "Get someone else to torture."

Kai turned to leave, grinning, and Y/N thankfully glanced at Damon,"Okay, Damon. I appreciate your help, but I can manage Kai."

Damon eventually turned to look down at her, "Yes, you can take care of yourself. I know. I don't want you to suffer, though.”

A wave of feeling came over Damon like a tsunami when he gazed into her eyes at that same instant. He cared about Y/N deeply, more than he had allowed himself to admit. It wasn't just about protecting her; it was about falling in love with her. He found himself in love with Y/N, and the thought both exhilarated and terrified him.

They eventually succeeded in getting out of Prison World and back to Mystic Falls. Now entangled, their complex feelings overshadowed their relief at returning. Elena was completely unaware of the growing bond between them as Damon and Y/N struggled to balance their newly formed feelings against the implications of their return.

______________________________________________________________

Salvatore Boarding House

One could cut the tension in Salvatore Boarding House with a knife. Damon was pacing and agitated, his unusual vulnerability taking precedence over his confidence. Arms crossed, Y/N stood by the hearth, trying to make sense of the tornado of feelings rolling deep within her.

"You can't love me, Damon," Y/N said. And even her voice seemed to shake a bit, "You are in love already!"

Stopping his incessant pacing of the room, Damon slowly faced her, and his deep, piercing blue eyes contrasted fiercely, “Who said I could only love one person?”

The heart in Y/N leaped furiously. While she knew Damon had a difficult past with Elena, she also knew he harboured affection for her.

"Damon, this treatment isn't fair to anyone. This is unfair to Elena, to you, and to me."

Damon took a step closer, his expression earnest, "Y/N, I can't deny my feelings for you. But loving Elena doesn't lessen what I feel for you. My heart is big enough for both of you."

She could feel a lump developing in her throat. "This is much more complex. This will be hurting a lot of people."

Damon takes her hands in his, “Maybe. Love is never easy, I've learned. It's a messy thing with twists and turns, but that makes it more real. In the least."

Tears formed in Y/N's eyes as she looked at him for any signs of hesitation, “Are you sure? That this might… work out? And that we'd be able to move past these feelings without completely falling apart?"

With that, Damon tightened his grip just a bit, "The real question, Y/N, is: Do you love me?"

Y/N's breath hitched. She had been avoiding this question, afraid of what it might mean. But Damon was right in front of her, his vulnerability exposed, and she could not dispute the facts, “Damon, I do, for sure. Still, I fear that..."

Damon drew her into his arms and held her there, "So am I. We could, however, manage to go through this together. Someway."

Y/N felt him open, in his arms at last, felt the warmth and power of his hug, and buried her face in his chest, “I know I want to be with you, even though I don't know what tomorrow may bring."

Heart pounding with both terror and hope, Damon kissed the top of her head, "You and I will work everything out. One step at a time."

They knew the road would be difficult, but they had each other to inspire them to face whatever came next. Just as they were about to turn around, they heard a soft creak. Both turned to see Elena at the room entrance, her face white, eyes widen in shock, and shining with moisture. She had heard everything.

"Damon," Elena whispered, and her voice broke, "Is it true? Do you love Y/N?"

Damon's heart sank at the hurt in Elena's eyes. He let go of Y/N and took a step towards Elena, "Elena, I..."

Elena shook her head; tears streamed down her cheeks. "I thought… I thought we were working things out. And now, I don't know what to think."

Y/N flinched, stepping back. She couldn't bear to come in-between Damon and Elena. Partly feeling guilty.

Damon struggled with conflicting emotions, "I really do love you, Elena," Damon said in a raspy voice, "Still, I love Y/N as well. Even though it didn't happen as planned, it did. What can I do!?"

With a wipe of her tears, Elena tried to gather herself, "You're going to have to choose Damon. This isn't fair to any of us."

He looked helplessly from Elena to Y/N. He had loved them both. He loved them both deeply, yet he was unable to hold onto them both. He had to make a choice, and it was tearing him apart.

At last, Damon muttered, "I need some time to think." His voice was almost audible above a whisper, "I have to think what is best for every one of us."

Slowly nodding, Elena says in a sad tone, “You take your time, Damon. Please do not keep us waiting for too long.”

Elena turned and left, and Y/N watched, both relieved and saddened. She knew that it was far from over, and whatever choice Damon made would change their lives forever.

Standing there by himself and torn, Damon understood how difficult and messy love was. And someone would suffer no matter what decision he took.

[marley-manson]

BJ Papa San may be about BJ but as a Hawkeye fan first MASH fan second my main takeaway from the episode is the way Hawkeye cautions BJ about getting too emotionally invested.

He's a bit player in BJ's plotline so I doubt it's meant to significantly reflect on him as a character - someone needs to caution BJ against getting too involved for the sake of foreshadowing - but it's interesting. Like, he's speaking from experience, but not experience he's since tempered himself lol. He still gets too emotionally invested. I mean, a few episodes after this he mutilates a colonel to save a hundred kids <3

I think partly it's another instance of Hawkeye giving advice tailored to a person in a specific situation, regardless of whether he personally follows it. BJ needs a warning because Hawkeye can see that he's setting himself up for an emotional blow, but that doesn't mean Hawkeye's less emotionally invested in the lives being destroyed around him lol. (In fact usually their roles are reversed, a la Give Em Hell Hawkeye, The Grim Reaper, Depressing News, Tell It to the Marines, etc)

It's also Hawkeye in the role of dude who's been here the longest warning the newer ones, the way he cautioned Charles about his insomnia in Dr Winchester Mr Hyde, or the way he occasionally played mentor to BJ in BJ's earlier seasons. It's a bit late for this dynamic between them, but it doesn't not work.

But what I think is the most interesting potential takeaway from this is that it suggests Hawkeye is self aware about his own emotional investment. Like, not necessarily, you can give advice without realizing it also applies to you lol, but Hawkeye is a self aware kind of guy, and he's demonstrated that awareness before. Like in Sometimes You Hear the Bullet when he recognizes that he was numbing himself to the situation and does a 180, wondering why he hasn't cried for everyone who's died and immediately sending Wendel back home instead of cavalierly letting him risk his life to impress his girlfriend.

There's also moments like Hawkeye describing his state of mind in Depressing News as "mania," perfectly aware that he's not in a good emotional place but rolling with it, all the dark jokes about being more like a mechanic than a doctor, his willingness to talk to a psychiatrist in several episodes, etc etc.

He's not invested in this particular family in BJ Papa San, but he gets invested in many, many other doomed causes. And I gotta wonder if in some way he picks and chooses his battles. If he can tune it out, essentially, the way he says he was doing before Tommy died in Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, but he doesn't want to be that numb to it all so he actively tries to find a balance. If maybe part of the reason he gets invested in his causes is like, as a form of emotional release, to demonstrate to himself that the constant death around him hasn't stopped him from feeling it.

After all, at the end of the episode he does tell BJ that he expects him to turn around and help someone else anyway. And that's probably also speaking from experience. It hurts to stay emotionally invested, and you can't be at full emotional investment all the time or you'd fully lose your mind in a week, but I think Hawkeye knows that getting invested in doomed causes over and over is better, like for him as a person and his own self-respect, than the alternative of keeping his head down and trying to stay as emotionally uninvolved as possible.

And it's interesting to imagine him like, semi-logically coming to this conclusion. Rather than his campaigns being pure irrational emotion, they're something he knows he has to throw himself at now and then to remain himself.

[the-misfit-star]

Cookie run x reader who's like the collector(toh) pt.2

●This story will include Twizzly Gummy Cookie , Time keeper cookie, Pancake cookie, and captain Ice cookie

●Again the relationship between you is strictly platonic

●Readers pronouns are they/them

●Some parts will not include you telling your back-story because I don't know what to make certain characters respond.

⭐Twizzly Gummy Cookie 💥

● I don't even know where to start with you two.

●Twizzly Gummy Cookie is pure chaos so clearly you two fit each other perfectly.

●Two energetic mayhem creating besties!

●You like time jumping with her and her crew and distoy worlds with her.

● You hate it when the T.B.D (Time Balance Department) ruins your fun creating danger in the other worlds. I mean seriously! It's not your fault you were bored and wanted something exciting to do with your friends!

● She thinks your powers are perfect for creating chaos and danger in other dimensions. Imagine all the mayhem you can cause with your magic!

● I headcannon that both of you have anger issues and destroy everything in sight of you. So if you're going to be angry then atlest destroy something with her to make you a little more . . .calmed down?

● Your relationship with her is like little sibling and older sister. (Except you're technically older than her) And I mean she's a cool older sister and not a lame one.

��� "I HATE the T.B.D they're always ruin our fun !"

● "I wish I just get rid of them! Permanently!"

● "Yeah me too- Wait. Y/N cookie you could just use your powers to destroy them!"

● "You're right Twizzly I could use my powers to get rid of them! But they would just find a way to stop me . . ."

● ". . . Well, I wouldn't hurt to try!"

⚙Timekeeper cookie ⚙

● If you're the Collector then she's Bill cipher.

● She can literally travel and alter time, she practically unstoppable. Just like you!

● At this point no one can stop stop you because Timekeeper can just change the past to make sure that cookie was never made.

● The members of the T.B.D are so scared of you two for a lot of reasons. I mean honestly

● A very powerful deity child and a unstable cookie who can travel through time, even having the power to bend and change it at will? Who wouldn't be scared?

● If you wanted to change your past, all you have to do is tell Timekeeper cookie and you'll forget everything! And everyone who wronged you! All you you have to do is ask

● Overall a fantastic cookie to play with if you get bored! (And God knows NOBODY wants to remember the last time you were bored. Everyone was atlest a little bit traumatized after that)

● " Y/N cookie, we should go back in time to undo all previous mistakes you have and will do!"

● " Timekeeper doesn't that sound kinda dangerous? I mean what if we undo something that cause a "time rip" or whatever?"

● "Exactly. That's what makes it fun."

●"Okay!"

🥞Pancake cookie 🌰

● He is just as enthusiastic and energetic as you! 9/10 friend! (It would be 10/10 if he didn't ask you for stuff all the time . . .)

● The best part of being his friend is the fact that he always wants to do something fun with you!

● You always do stuff for him, that is what best friend do right? Always do things for each other?

● I mean, you do always play his games, and he likes to play your games to so clearly you guys are good friends!

● You find it silly that he depends so much on other cookies when you're right here!

● Oh, he wants Acorn jellies? : you can just snap your fingers and make some appear. He wants to fly? : you can easily just give him the ability simply by clapping!

● Honestly it's so funny how he could want any other friends when you're literally the best in the galaxy!

● " AHHH- Y/N cookie put me down!"

● " Hey! You said you wanted to go higher!"

● "I didn't want to go this high!"

🧊Captain Ice cookie❄

● Just like Pure Vanilla cookie, she's a mother figure to you.

● She doesn't trust you around or to be honest touching the ship.

● Even though you're powerful you still look and overall act like a child, and especially since the ship has a lot of dangerous objects it's not that much of a shock she doesn't trust you.

● You constantly explain that you're " mature enough" to at least be on the ship! If you broke anything you could just use your powers to fix it!

● She gets tired of you constantl complaining.

● Her crew likes you though! They think that you could just snap away any threats! But she thinks differently.

● Eventually when you DO manage to convince her enough to let you on the ship she has very, very , VERY strict rules about what you can and can't do. (Most of them being not touching anything)

● It just gets very boring.

● "Y/N COOKIE! You are not permitted to touch that!"

"I wasn't even gonna do anything!"

● "That does not mean I trust you anywhere near a canon."

"UGH! You're rules are so boring! It's not my fault for being bored on your dumb ship. . ."

● " . . . Go to time out . . ."

● "BUT I DIDN'T EVEN-"

●"GO to time out."

● You learned not to question her authority even if you were more powerful than her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Fin~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N : this took very long to write but I'm glad it's finally done :) I also don't think I will make part 3 of this because I'm making fanfics for other fandoms but if I do make part 3 there will be about 2-4 I will write for 💛

[dreamcubed]

delicate | theodore nott x reader

song; delicate [taylor swift] pairing; theodore nott x fem!half-blood!ravenclaw!reader genre; s2l, angst, hurt comfort, fluff word count; 6k timeline; summer holidays between order of the phoenix and half-blood prince warnings; swearing, anxiety, social anxiety, implied selective mutism, panic attacks, implied traumatic childhood (of y/n), explicit traumatic background (of theo), mention of abusive parents (physical/unforgivable curse), (underage) alcohol consumption, mention of trauma-related nightmares (nothing graphic) summary; when your childhood friend daphne decides to drag you out to her family's californian beach house with her slytherin friends during the summer holidays, you are reluctant to come out of your carefully crafted shell. and then, out of nowhere, you find yourself relating to the quietest boy on the trip

i write theo based off @everlovingdeer ‘s interpretation of his character!

masterlist

"is it chill that you're in my head? 'cause i know that it's delicate."

———————————————

"You know what I think we all need after getting through our OWLs?" Daphne questioned loudly, sitting down among her friends in the Slytherin common room.

"What?" Mattheo asked, after seeing that no one else was going to say anything.

"Some rest and relaxation," she continued, "Perhaps on the sunny beaches of California?"

Draco looked at Daphne curiously, "You want us to go to California?"

She nodded, "My family has a beach house out there."

"It doesn't sound like a bad idea," Blaise added, "Who are you inviting?"

"All of you, obviously," she gestured to the people around her, which consisted of Mattheo, Blaise, Draco, Theo and Pansy, "And Millicent... and my parents would insist on me inviting Y/N if I use the beach house."

"Y/N? As in Y/N L/N? The weird Ravenclaw girl?" Blaise asked.

"She's not as weird as you think," Daphne rolled her eyes, "I grew up with her - she's just quiet."

Draco shook his head, "Whatever, I'll come as long as L/N's not a mudblood."

Daphne sighed, "She's not, but I don't see what difference that makes."

"What is she?" Pansy asked.

"Half-blood. That good enough for you blood status elitists?"

At the lack of response, Daphne stood up, "So, is that a yes from all of you? You'll come?"

They all muttered "yeah"s, apart from one.

"Nott, you gonna come?"

The boy's sharp blue eyes looked up at her, and while he appeared hesitant, he still nodded his head.

"Perfect, I'll go find Millicent... and then Y/N."

***

"Y/N," Daphne approached you in the library, and you looked at her curiously. Sure, you were childhood friends, but she generally didn't speak to you all that much anymore. "I wanted to invite you to my beach house this summer... in Cali."

Your eyes widened slightly, and you frowned at her, before asking quietly, "With who?"

"Uh, so we're looking at Malfoy, Zabini, Riddle, Parkinson, Bullstrode and Nott."

You chewed on your lip, thinking it over.

Sensing your hesitation, Daphne continued, "C'mon! We need you to balance out the girls and guys... it'll be fun!"

You frowned at her.

"We won't force you to hang out with us. You can share a room with me and you can shut yourself in there all day," she said, sitting down across from you, "I'm not just asking you because my parents would want me too... I figured you would want to avoid being home anyway."

That had you sighing, "Yeah, okay, I'll come."

Daphne's eyes brightened, "Really? Okay. Amazing. I'll owl you all the details."

You nodded, watching as she walked away with a spring in her step. Rowena, to have her confidence.

***

It was a sunny Monday morning when you appeared in the fireplace of Daphne's beach house with a brush of soot on your nose. Only Daphne was there thus far, as she had allowed you to travel earlier so as to settle in before the others arrived. She greeted you with a hug that made you stiffen up - she quickly pulled back and apologised.

"Our room is the first one on the right," she said, gesturing to the stairs that could be seen through the open door to the hallway, "Feel free to look around, and help yourself to anything in the kitchen."

You nodded, "Thanks."

"No worries," she waved her hand, "The others will be here in about a half hour."

And they were.

Zabini was the first to arrive, shortly followed by Parkinson, and then Bullstrode. Riddle came moments before Nott, with Malfoy as the last arrival.

You stood far back from the main living room, in the doorway to the hall, and watched as the friend group greeted each other warmly. All except Nott, who stood a bit away from them all with his hands shoved in his pockets and his expression unreadable. He must have felt your curious gaze on him, because his eyes flicked towards you, which made you panic and duck behind the wall. Cautiously, you then peered out again, to see that he was still looking in your direction with his brows furrowed - this time you found yourself unable to look away, despite the anxiety swarming inside of you.

"Alright," Daphne then announced, clapping her hands together so as to attract the attention of the entire room, "Here's who's sharing. Blaise and Draco, Theo and Mattheo, Pansy and Millicent - go and fight for you rooms or whatever, but the first on the right is mine and Y/N's."

Everyone was a bit too old to participate in a childish competition over bedrooms, so instead they all nodded and picked up their luggage, casually making their way upstairs while chatting to one another. All, of course, except Theodore Nott, who took up the back of the party and lingered beside you in the hallway for the briefest of moments.

Daphne remained stood in the lounge, watching as the others left, and made eye contact with you the second they were all gone.

"Nott caught your attention?" she said immediately, which instantly got a panicked reaction out of you.

"N- No- I- I just-"

"Babe, it's okay to be attracted to people, you know? That's normal. No need to be ashamed."

You stared at her, as attraction wasn't exactly what had made you look at him - at least not attraction in that way. Still, you did not deny what she said, as someone was coming back downstairs and you didn't want them to overhear any of the conversation.

***

For the first couple of days, you didn't participate in any group activities: you were appreciating being in a safe place for once, and were shy of the others. You hid in your room when they were at the house, and only ventured out when they headed out - which was a lot, considering it was a holiday trip. Eventually, Daphne coaxed you out to join them on a beach trip on day four. You agreed, under the condition that you could stay on the dry sandy shore.

And so there you were, sat on a blanket underneath a parasol, watching the rest of the group throw around a beach ball in the sea not far away. For some reason, Nott wasn't there yet: you hadn't been informed as to why.

You curled your fully clothed arms into your body and watched the others having fun, wishing so badly that you could get rid of the fear in your chest and join in. They all looked so happy, so care-free - well, Draco had appeared to have had something on his mind over the last couple days, but he was letting go for the moment (which was something you could never do).

Then you felt a presence beside you, and turned to see that Nott had arrived - fully clothed, just like you - and taken a seat next to you on the blanket. Alarmed, you jumped a little, not sure how to feel about being so close to someone you hardly knew.

He noticed your fear, and his eyes widened in return, "Sorry," he said quietly, "Didn't mean to scare you."

You nodded as a way of telling him it was fine, watching as his eyes curiously scanned over your features.

"Theo! Where were you, mate?" Riddle called, running up to the parasol from the sea.

The boy in question shrugged.

"Needed some alone time?"

Nott then nodded, and Riddle's expression fell into one of understanding.

"You gonna join us?" he gestured to the rest of the group.

Nott shook his head.

"What about you, L/N?"

You were surprised that he had acknowledged you at all, and if you weren't already relatively mute, it would have rendered you speechless.

Your reaction told Riddle everything he needed to know, and he simply said, "No worries, at least neither of you are alone on the beach, then I'd feel bad," before running back to the water.

"Ice cream," Nott said out of nowhere, making you turn your head to him in confusion. He glanced at you. "I want ice cream."

You stared at him with your head tilted as he stood up.

"Do you... do you want to... come?"

Your head movements were saying 'yes' before your anxiety could counteract them, so you found yourself forced to stand up and follow Nott.

There was an ice cream van parked near the back of the beach, obviously muggle, with a display of both ice creams and ice lollies surrounding the window. The queue was pretty long due to the busyness of the beach, and you tentatively joined the back of it alongside Nott. Someone jostled into you as they crossed through the queue to get to the other side, which sent a lightning bolt of panic up your spine. With Nott being the only remotely familiar person around, your body instinctively moved closer to his in search of safety.

He didn't object, but instead delicately hovered his hand over your lower back, looking around for anyone else who might push into you.

When you reached the front, Nott ordered his ice cream, and then when the ice cream woman turned to you, you didn't know what else to do except point at the frozen treat you wanted. Nott read it aloud for the ice cream woman, who then typed something into her till and read out the price. After fishing in his pockets for a few muggle coins, you watched cautiously as Nott tried to make sense of them, and after a few seconds you reached into his hand and collected the right amount, before handing them to the woman.

Once your ice creams were handed to you, the two of you began walking back to the parasol in silence. It was then you realised that Nott had just paid for your ice cream, and you quickly rushed to say, "I'll pay you back."

His eyes snapped to you, making you register the fact that it was his first time hearing your voice - a privilege exclusive to very few.

"You-" he stuttered, "I-" he clearly decided not to say whatever his first thought was, and instead chose to say, "Don't pay me back."

"But-"

"Nott! Y/N!" Daphne interrupted you, as you had just reached the parasol, "You got ice cream without us?"

Nott shrugged, as he seemed to do a lot.

"Anyway, we were gonna go get some surfboards and try out the waves further down the beach," she said, "I assume neither of you are interested, but you're both still absolutely welcome."

You shook your head at her.

"Anyway, we're gonna move the stuff down with us, so you'll still have to come with if you want shelter."

When you were settled back under the parasol, this time further along the coast, and the others were trying (and failing) to catch waves, you decided it was time to pull out the book you had brought. You arranged some of the bags as pillows and curled up against them with the book securely in your hold. Nott added more to the bag-pillow situation to allow enough space for him to use them as well from a comfortable distance - and you glanced up from your book to watch as he closed his eyes.

He must have felt your eyes on him, because he opened them again and turned his head to look at you, which made you use your book to cover your face. You could've sworn he smirked a little, before closing his eyes again - this time, he appeared to doze off.

You don't know how long you both remained like that, but you had never felt so comfortable and safe in your entire life.

***

It wasn't until the sun began setting did the others finally call it quits from the beach, and begin heading elsewhere. Daphne seemed to be pretty pleased with the tan she achieved from sunbathing, and was admiring her more golden skin as everyone walked. Bullstrode then suggested going to a restaurant - since it was too late to cook - and the others quickly voiced their agreement to the idea. You would have preferred to head back to the beach house, but you didn't want to do that alone since it was getting dark, so you sucked it up and joined them.

It was a classic beach restaurant that they chose: full of seafood delicacies. Everyone grabbed drinks from the bar before heading to a free table, and Daphne was kind enough to order yours for you. After taking a seat, she rushed to take one of the places beside you, which you were thankful for - she had always been a good friend. You were even more thankful when Nott sat on your other side, as you were more comfortable with him than most the others.

You scanned the menu for several moments before making a decision: you were a picky eater, which made it easier to narrow down the options.

"Good evening, folks, how can I help you all?" a waitress approached the table, her strong valley girl American accent immediately catching your attention.

"What are you having?" Nott asked while the others gave their orders.

You pointed at your choice, and watched in surprise as he ordered both for himself and for you when his turn came. Upon observing the reactions of the rest of the table, you realised they were surprised too - especially Daphne. You didn't like all eyes being trained in your direction, and stared at your lap out of embarrassment.

Eventually, conversation on the table continued while you waited for the food to come. You had no idea what to do with yourself while you waited, finding yourself staring at the bags you had all brought from the beach that were settled by the table.

Upon allowing yourself a glance at Nott, you saw that he too was staring at a random spot, and it was at that moment you felt a strange sense of solidarity with him. For the first time in your life, you felt an overwhelming desire to talk to someone and get to know them, regardless of the consequences.

If only your anxiety allowed you to do that.

***

The following day, it quickly became evident that there would be no event of the day, and that most people would be lounging around the beach house. You knew the solitude in the place wouldn't last forever, but were still disappointed when you came down for breakfast to find the kitchen diner occupied by a couple others. However, your heart flipped when you saw that Nott was one of them: he was sat at the breakfast bar with a bowl of cereal and a book.

Your entrance caused him to look up, and for the briefest of moments, your eyes locked with each other and your heart flipped a second time. Rowena, what was wrong with you?

Discreetly, you ventured over to the fridge to see what surprises it held in store for you, and were delighted to see a brand new pot of yoghurt. You prepared it in a bowl and poured honey over the top, before grabbing a spoon and settling down at the breakfast bar - in the spot right next to Nott, since most of the bar was covered in letters and random possessions and therefore uninhabitable.

It was strange that you didn't feel scared to be so close to him.

After breakfast, you hid yourself back in your and Daphne's room with your book, finding yourself quickly lost in the fantasy world. You went back out a few times for food and drinks, but didn't properly put down the book until music started playing loudly downstairs. Curious, you decided to investigate, and found everyone dancing and drinking alcohol.

"My mum started collecting muggle CDs a while back," you heard Daphne explain to Zabini and Parkinson while you lingered in the doorway, "My dad always claimed to be against it, but he got her this muggle CD player thingy for her birthday."

"What's a CD?" Parkinson asked, which made you chuckle to yourself.

That was when you spotted Nott stood outside on the decking - alone - with the sliding doors shut behind him. You frowned, and found that your body was pushing you in his direction without consulting your brain. On the way, you grabbed a cider from the twelve-pack on the sideboard, and cracked it open before opening the glass door.

You shut it behind you, marvelling in how the sound of music instantly quietened, and approached Nott. The beach house was situated on a hill, meaning the decking doubled as a balcony of sorts on one side of it, and that was where he was: resting his arms on the rail.

He was evidently surprised to see that it was you.

"I thought you were Mattheo," he said blankly, like a filler statement.

"Sorry to disappoint," you said under your breath, but it wouldn't have been difficult for him to hear.

He glanced at you with a small frown, and you realised that he must be at least tipsy with how expressive he was being.

"I'm not disappointed," he finally said, staring at the view of the sea and lit-up beach houses in the dark.

You took a sip of the cider before resting your arms on the railing a short distance from him, gazing at the admittedly gorgeous view in all its tranquility.

"I was surprised you came on this trip," he broke the silence with a softened tone.

"Wasn't everyone?" you replied, treasuring how easily the words were leaving your mouth.

He hummed.

"I'm surprised you came," you said, which made him look at you.

"Why?"

"Well, not before the trip, but now I know more about you, I'm surprised you came. Beach trips don't seem like your cup of tea."

You felt small with how he stared at you then, beginning to regret saying the longest sentence you had said since you were a young child. The negative thoughts disappeared when Nott spoke again.

"Anything to get away from home." He said it under his breath, as if there was a serious meaning behind it, which you highly suspected there was. "What about you?"

"Hm?"

"You," he repeated, "Beach trips don't seem like your cup of tea either."

You took another sip of the cider. "Same reason as you."

Just as he opened his mouth to reply, the sliding door opened and the volume of the music increased tenfold. Riddle, evidently under the influence, walked through the door with the biggest grin on his face.

"Theo, my man, what are you doing out here?" he then looked at you, "Ooh, sorry, have I interrupted something?"

"Go back inside, Matt," Nott sighed, "You're very drunk."

He shook his head, and threw an arm over your shoulder clumsily, which caused frozen fear to ripple through your veins. "How are you this fine evening, Y/N?"

It was easy to get out of his hold while he wasn't sober, and you quickly bolted inside and all the way through to the stairs, having dropped your cider on the outside decking. Nott stared at the golden liquid leaking on to the wooden floor, before looking up at Riddle exasperatedly. The latter's face was guilt-ridden, but the former didn't care in the slightest.

"What the fuck, mate?" Nott spat, before running inside after you.

Daphne had seen you hurry past, and was just on her way to check on you when she saw that she had been beaten to the punch. All she could do was watch, mesmerised, as the person she was least close to out of everyone there (and not out of lack of trying on her behalf) appeared desperate to make sure you were okay.

Upstairs, you sat curled up by the foot of your bed, rocking back and forth as tears threatened to spill out. Their threats weren't empty, and your cheeks were soon dampened and flushed.

A knock sounded on the door, but you ignored it.

"Y/N?" it was Nott- Theo.

After you didn't reply, you watched as he gently pushed the door open and peered in, quickly spotting you. Silently, he walked over to you and sat down, not right next to you, but pretty close by. You flinched at the proximity.

"I won't hurt you," he said softly, "I couldn't."

You glanced at him unsurely.

"I could never hurt anyone, I don't think. I know too much of what it's like to be hurt for no reason."

You sniffed, shifting over to Theo slightly, as you understood what he was implying and it made you more inclined to trust him.

"Who?" you asked quietly.

"My dad," he said, his voice turned hollow, "He's a fan of the Cruciatus Curse."

Your eyes widened - your body was moving to embrace his before you could stop it. Theo stiffened when you first wrapped your arms around his torso, but he soon relaxed and returned it.

You felt droplets begin to dampen the top of your head, making it apparent to you that Theo had started crying as well. Neither of you commented on it, and instead remained curled up on the floor of the bedroom in wordless tranquility for Merlin knows how long.

***

It was a cold sweat that you woke up in, before the sun was even threatening to rise. Your chest was tight and your breathing was uneven, but you were relieved to be awake. You looked over at Daphne, who was sound asleep in her twin bed, and let out a massive breath. It had been a while since you'd had a nightmare like that.

Thirsty. You were thirsty. You needed water.

Quietly, but shakily, you crept out of bed and across to the door, wincing when the dim hallway light blinded you. You stumbled over to the bathroom door, only to find that it was locked.

It opened moments after you had tried the handle.

"Y/N?" Millicent.

You blinked at her a couple times.

"Is... is Daphne in there alone?" she gestured to your bedroom.

You nodded, confused.

"Do you think she'd want to see me?"

It finally registered what Millicent was insinuating, and you nodded thoughtlessly, waving her in the direction of Daphne. She thanked you, and as you shoved your head under the bathroom tap, you realised that the prior interaction likely meant you were out of a place to sleep for the night: which was especially unideal due to you still being shaken from the nightmare.

When you left the bathroom, you decided to go downstairs and potentially crash on one of the sofas, but soon discovered that Mattheo was passed out on one of them. Evidently, he had been too drunk to even make it up the stairs.

It also meant that Theo was alone in his room.

Maybe you were still out of it from the nightmare, or maybe you didn't feel close enough to Mattheo to crash on the other sofa next to him and decided Theo was the better option - maybe it was both. Either way, you found yourself stumbling back up the stairs and across the hall to the room you knew to be Theo's.

You didn't knock, you just opened the door. It was when the door shut behind you that you came to your senses, but it was too late - Theo had woken up.

"Y/N?" he said quietly, in a raspy deep voice.

"Hi," you mumbled, tucking your arms behind you awkwardly.

"You okay?" he sat up straight, more alert than moments before, with his eyebrows furrowed.

You didn't know what to say in response.

He got out of bed and walked over to you, trying to analyse your face in the darkened room. All you could do was gaze up at him; as you stared into his shadowed eyes, your mind went blank of any prior concern. Once he had deduced that you weren't crying, he asked, "What are you doing here?" It wasn't a confrontational or rude question, just a curious and confused one.

"I-" you paused, not knowing what to say, "Bullstrode- Millicent- went in with Daphne."

"Oh."

"I- I should-"

"You need a place to sleep then?"

Ashamedly, you nodded, feeling blood rush to your ears.

"Okay," he said simply, walking back over to the double bed he had been sharing with Mattheo the last few days.

You stared at his silhouette as he got back under the covers.

"Getting in or not?" he said, his voice muffled from his head being buried in the pillows.

Just like that, your body snapped to life and you hurried to the other side of the bed, slipping under the covers and appreciating the warmth they had to offer. For a few moments, you lay in silence, but you could tell that Theo was still awake from his breathing pattern.

"I had a nightmare," you said under your breath, hoping you wouldn't have to repeat yourself.

Theo turned over to face you. "You want to talk about it?"

You shook your head.

"Okay."

Then you asked him a question, but you were nervous to ask it, so muffled your words with the pillow.

"Hm? I didn't catch that."

You repeated it, still talking into the pillow.

"Still didn't get that," he said tiredly, his eyes closed.

"Canwecuddle?" you said as quickly as you could to make up for the lack of self-protective muffling.

You expected more of a reaction from Theo, but he simply hummed and extended an arm towards you. For a few seconds, you stared at it, but eventually rolled on to the limb, to then be pulled into his body pretty tightly. Touch had always scared you - no, petrified you - but, as you rested in Theo's warmth, all you could feel was safe.

***

Day six was the last full day in the beach house, and you were sad to have to think about heading back home. Still, you were hiding from everyone - you and Theo sleeping in the same bed had been the hottest topic of the group ever since a hungover Mattheo stumbled back into his bedroom in the morning to get a change of clothes.

With you staying in the shadows, nothing more happened between you and Theo that day, apart from sitting beside each other during meals.

Day seven - the day of departure - was a depressing day for you. You stood in the living room with your packed bags, watching as everyone hugged each other and stepped into the fireplace. Daphne would obviously be the last to leave, and as you stood in front of her to say your goodbyes, she offered you a fist bump. At that, you couldn't help but smile, and connected your fist with hers.

"Bye, Nott," she said, looking past your shoulder to the boy, who was the last of the others left.

After he didn't provide a verbal reply, you turned to look at him, and just the sight of him made your smile stretch even wider. In the corner of your eye, you watched Daphne grin and slip out of the room.

"I'll see you back at school, yeah?" he said.

You nodded enthusiastically. "Of course."

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds, but then he leaned down to quickly peck your lips. "Don't feel shy about coming up to me."

Not even the most powerful erasing spell could get the grin off your face, and as you watched Theo step into the fireplace with a handful of floo powder, you found your fingers delicately brushing over the skin of your now-tingling lips.

***

Like usual, you arrived at Platform Nine and Three Quarters alone, which was better than the alternative. You scanned the crowd for the one person that you desperately wanted to see above all else, but had no luck. When the conductor began beckoning students on to the train, you sighed and started pulling your trunk behind you as you made your way to the shiny red transport. It didn't take long to get your trunk sorted away and find yourself an empty compartment, due to you being one of the few students that didn't spend the last few moments saying goodbye to loved ones.

Despite Theo's last words to you, you were beginning to feel anxious that he wouldn't want to see you - scrap that, you had been feeling anxious all summer about it. You hadn't seen or heard from him since the trip.

And then, out of nowhere, your compartment door slid open and in came Mattheo, Theo and Daphne - in that order. They all greeted you, with Theo in particular sitting by your side. You couldn't take your eyes off him, and were struggling to suppress the smile that wanted to break out: he could likely see the way the corners of your mouth twitched.

He didn't say anything to you, but instead slipped his hand into yours. It was only then you realised that he was shaking and immediately grew worried. The look in your eyes silently asked the obvious question.

Theo shook his head. "Later."

You nodded, squeezing his hand tightly and moving into his side.

***

Rumour had it that potions was significantly better now that Snape had been replaced by Slughorn - although, as a result, defence against the dark arts had gotten significantly worse. The inconsistency of DADA professors had always been a massive stressor for you at the beginning of new years, wondering whether you would be taught by someone who was understanding of your needs or not.

Though, your main focus at the beginning of sixth year was everything that Theo had to tell you about the remainder of his summer holidays.

You had already guessed most of it before you had a chance to talk in private: his father had been particularly abusive after the beach trip, as he was prone to be whenever he was about to not have Theo as a punching bag for a long period of time. Apparently, it was even worse than past summer holidays, due to the stress Nott Sr was under as a death eater.

Thus, your mind had been too absent to properly acknowledge the fact that Snape was the second worst DADA professor that you had ever had - second only to Umbridge. You had hoped that last year's bad luck in the professor department had meant you would have some more luck this year - it hadn't. Plus, after dropping potions, you had assumed that Snape would never teach you again.

"Miss L/N," Snape drawled, snapping you out of your thoughts, "I asked you a question."

You stared at him blankly.

"Surely, as a Ravenclaw witch, you would be capable of developing some other means of communication if unable to talk."

The panic lit aflame in your core: it then felt as if the walls around you were closing in, and as if every pair of beady fellow student eyes were pinned on you like hawks.

Your heartbeat quickened.

Your temperature spiked.

Your eyes watered.

And then, your fight or flight response kicked in - yours being almost always the latter. You were out of your seat and darting out the room faster than a golden snitch, running down the corridors with blurred vision. You only stopped running when you rounded the corner and almost ran into McGonagall. She appeared about to scold you for sprinting in the corridors, but then noticed your state, and hurried to move you into an empty nearby classroom.

"There you go, sit down," she pulled out a chair for you, which you practically collapsed into, sobs scraping out of your throat. "Whatever happened, Miss L/N?"

All you could do was look up at her silhouette through your teary eyes.

"Did you come from a lesson?"

You nodded.

Realisation dawned on the Gryffindor head's face. "Professor Snape's lesson, by any chance?"

Again, you nodded, still choking through sobs.

You watched as McGonagall grew pensive and stood back, her posture alarmingly straight.

"Th- Theo," you stuttered out.

"Theo? Theodore Nott?" You could tell McGonagall was marvelled at hearing you speak - even if it was just one word.

Another nod from you.

"Did he upset you?"

You frowned, shaking your head hurriedly.

"Would you... like me to fetch him?"

Your reaction told her the answer, and she swiftly exited the room, to return several minutes later with the boy you so desperately desired comfort from - with worry ridden on his face. The second he was fully in the classroom, you barrelled forward into his chest, only faintly hearing the door shut as McGonagall slipped back out.

"I'm here now, darling," he murmured, holding you tightly, "I'm here."

"Why?" you cried, muffled by his jumper, "Why do I overreact so much?"

"Because you've been taught that you aren't safe," he said gently, "As have I."

You hugged him even harder.

***

-THREE YEARS LATER-

***

"I'm home," Theo's voice echoed throughout the house.

You immediately shot up from your seat and ran to the entrance lobby, where your handsome husband was taking his shoes off.

"Someone's excited to see me."

"Shut up," you mumbled, moving into his embrace nonetheless, "I've had a long boring day of painting walls."

"You've been decorating without me?"

"Just the guest rooms," you waved your hand dismissively after parting from his hold.

"Surely it can't have taken long with magic."

"Maybe if we'd gotten a smaller house."

Theo smiled sheepishly, "My family's money was gonna sit in that vault forever if we didn't use it."

Ever since Nott Sr had been sent to Azkaban for life, the Nott manor and contents of the Nott vault had been left to his only child: Theo. Due to Theo's dark memories of his childhood house, he sold it, and together you spent a couple years searching for a new place to call home.

"We hardly used any of the money from the vault for this place," you rebuked, "We bought this with the money from the old house."

"Ah, fair point," he kissed you delicately on the lips.

"D'you think it's too big?"

"Who cares? As long as it's a fresh start for the both of us."

You couldn't believe it had only been two years since Voldemort's demise, and three since you began a relationship with Theo. Perhaps his proposal right after the Battle of Hogwarts had been too soon, but you knew that there was no one else you could ever feel the same way about. Theo was the closest thing to family you had ever had, and marrying him made him that official - you had been nothing but elated when he asked you.

It had been a small ceremony, of course, with only very close friends.

"I can't wait to finally live in a house full of love, darling, especially as it's with you," Theo placed a kiss on your forehead, making you shove him gently in his chest.

"That's called a home, my love," you smiled back at him.

———————————————

masterlist

written; 23/08/2022 —> 23/09/2022 published; 25/09/2022 edited; —/—/——

[zootopiathingz]

My prediction for Zootopia 2

So as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, there’s an interesting Wildehopps dynamic where Judy is more case-focused while Nick prioritizes safety, which I can maybe see being used for conflict in the next movie. (Cuz if there’s going to be conflict, it needs to be done right for development and not just for the sake of having characters argue…please take notes, Disney)

I imagine the movie starting out with the two of them working flawlessly. They know just how to take down criminals together without exchanging a word. Then one day they’re given a simple interrogation case that quickly escalates and long story short Judy ends up getting hurt. Nick rushes to help her, and she urges him to go after the criminal. He hesitates, but he doesn’t relent and ends up taking her to a first aid kit, frantically bandages her wound, then pursues the criminal along with backup. But by then it’s too late, the culprit is nowhere to be found. At first Judy’s a little frustrated, but she can’t be too mad at him for saving her. Chief Bogo, however, will be furious, and while he is sympathetic about the specific situation they were in, there’s still a dangerous mastermind on the loose. (And then there’s some kind of lecture about balancing work and safety of your partner, etc etc)

Throughout the movie there’s a sort of back-and-forth between “which is more important”, as well as some budding romance because yes. And then at some point the two are forcibly separated by The Bad Guys™️ and are forced to find a way back to each other. However these mammals have done their research. They didn’t just choose two random cops to kidnap for fun. They know who Judy and Nick are and plan to use their dependency on each other against them. For the sake of evil plot and angst the Bad People demand that Judy tell them some Important Information about whatever and when she refuses, they pull the old “if you don’t give us what we want you can say goodbye to your partner”. Naturally Judy’s intimidated by the threat, but she knows they’re just saying it to get in her head. Never let them see that they get to you, after all.

It isn’t until The Big Fight when she finds out they were not bluffing, as when she refuses again one of them ends up attacking Nick right in front of her. She frantically rushes to his side, trying not to panic as she hears the cruel words of their captors; “We warned you. It’s sad, isn’t it? Having to choose between our missions and the ones we love most? We fail either way. That’s why you’re better off working alone”

Then some kind of trap is activated in the room, with limited time until it sets off, and the Bad Bitches escape leaving the two to die tragically. Judy tries to push Nick up, but his injuries are more fatal than they appeared. He can’t move, he knows this. He urges Judy to leave while she can, to stop the criminals and return home safely. And it’s at this point Judy finally understands his point of view. If the roles were reversed he would be carrying her to safety, regardless of the matter at hand. She can’t leave him. She won’t leave him. So she helplessly begins dragging him with all her strength, forcing back tears as there’s a tiny voice in the back of her mind telling her it’s pointless and that they’ll never make it out alive together. (Insert some kind of dramatic “I can’t leave you! I love you!” scene here or something)

Somehow they’d make it out obviously, and they’d have some kind of heart-to-heart moment while he’s getting treated for his injuries. Ultimately they decide that no matter what happens from that point that they’ll put their fears aside and work together to take down the Big Bad, because that’s what they’ve always done.

[shrekyaoi]

Please ramble

momentarily forgot what this was about but it’s okay i remember now.

so, i’m generally a guy that focuses on dynamics and not individual characters when i write. that’s why you don’t get a whole ton of scenes with characters being solitary for very long, though you’ll notice the early roach chapters are an exception. that was also intentional

if we’d like to go through each individual dynamic, at least to a manageable length, i will go over them below to not dump slop on The Dashboard:

makayuri: these two have history i won’t get into rn because there will be. well. we’ll go with “spoilers” and leave it at that. however, i’d describe it both in canon and in this fic as “leashed wolf.” you can figure that one out, but yuri has more or less bound himself to makarov. it’s hard to find a balance between “completely expendable” and “would be kinda sad if he’d die” when it comes to makarov’s feelings towards other people, but based on the cutscene from mw3 it’s safe to some capacity to say that makarov values yuri’s loyalty. but his loyalty is also something that is finite, and if you push him too hard he Will snap even if it’s not in your face. or rather, makarov’s face. until of course it did.

makaprice: even in canon these guys have a weird thing going on but it’s very much like. “i will see this man dead or everything is for nothing” which is insane. that is insane. you could have makarov blame price for yuri betraying him which is completely irrational but makarov is also completely irrational. price DEFINITELY blames makarov for losing soap. the way i write them in the fic is almost like a step away from their textual sanity but that’s more to highlight what already exists in canon because it compels me. it really does. these guys are animals ripping out each other’s throats. they’d sooner watch the world end than let the other go

pricenik: i know everyone sees it as a given but half the time it comes across as a “pair the spares” kind of deal which i think is thoroughly unfair to their insane fucking Weird Thing. these two match each other’s freak in the worst way possible. price would ask for a weapon and nikolai would get him a goddamn arsenal. no questions asked ever. no reason to. it’s more a game for them than anyone else. they have history but i don’t need to get into it because it doesn’t matter. trading bjs in the cockpit of a c-17? sure whatever. slitting a guy’s throat with no prompting except your Good Friend glaring at him? okay! these two are married.

roachyuri: considering i am making this shit the absolute fuck up with my own brain, i have to consider their existing attributes and how they combine, as well as the circumstances the fic has placed them in. therefore: these guys have each been placed in horrendous situations they kind of asked for but didn’t realise how bad it was going to get. they’re both trying to find some kind of escape, but they won’t admit the flaws of the institutions they served that put them in those places to begin with. not to mention some of the shit about their heritages that i Also made up that will Also be spoilers if i explain it now but. needless to say, who you are and who you serve are very rarely in alignment. and trying to change how you present yourself to be more in alignment with the expectations of those institutions is only going to hurt you. never, ever forget that. i have more to say but, well, that’s what the fic is for!

soapghost: i may be in the minority here but dear god mw2 ‘09 soapghost is so much more compelling than mw2 ‘22. HEAR ME OUT BEFORE YOU LEAVE!!! ghost is a kicked dog that soap has taken to be his second in command. they’ve got a psychic fucking “maim maim blood gore maim blood teeth claws claws maim etc” thing going on and i hate them. it’s incredible. early on soap spent so much time trying to emulate price but ghost just couldn’t BE gaz. so soap stopped expecting him to be. and that’s so insane to me!!! what do you MEAN!!!!! you take this guy who is two seconds away from snapping at any given point and make him surgically attached to a guy with control issues? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! it’s so good i am balling them up and throwing them into a fucking pit

soaproachghost: i could talk about each of them as individual dynamics but in relation to the fic i only see them working as a trio regardless. it’s the ultimate “i watch your back you watch mine.” get ghost to care about keeping someone else alive is sooo. augh. soap sees himself in roach. and soap managed to earn roach’s respect. roach cannot fight nearly the same without ghost. they’re a system that twines in on itself and it WORKS. until it doesn’t. but we’ll get to that

anyway back when i started to write this fic i made this diagram and i think it still mostly applies even if i’d alter the verbage and a few dynamics a little now

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: Consort of Fire by Kit Rocha

4.25/5. Releases 11/28/2023.

Vibes: a complex love triangle, handmaiden/princess, arranged marriage, dragon heroes that fuck, and enemies to lovers with actual stakes.

Princess Sachielle is betrothed to the Dragon, a god feared for killing his previous consort a century prior. What the Dragon doesn't know is that she's been charged with killing him--and her own life is forfeit if she fails. He also doesn't know that Sachi's handmaiden and lover, Zanya, is much more than she seems. And neither Sachi nor Zanya expected their very different connections with the Dragon--or his determination to win both of them.

It's not easy to find FFM menage romances, and of course, it's therefore even harder to find good ones that don't treat the women as side dishes next to a hero entree. But this? This is really fucking good. And it's really good fantasy romance, at that. If the other dragon romance book (which I personally liked as well) was too light or tame for you--this uh... will not be that. This one is wild, and it is the beginning of a series--while this isn't exactly a cliffhanger, it doesn't end in a fully resolved manner, and I'm excited to see what comes next.

Quick Takes:

--Menage romances often favor one bond over the other; while I love them in general, I find many that do not... work. Here, it's pitched perfectly--and I suspect some of that has to do with the fact that we still have some story to tell, and development to watch unfold. Zanya and Sachi have a very established, loving, and passionate long-term relationship, and that is never in question in this book (despite the necessity of them keeping it a secret, initially). Sachi and Ash (of course the Dragon goes by Ash) have an immediate chemistry and physical attraction, which puts a real wrench in the "I'm here to kill him" thing. It only deepens into something more as they spend time together, with Zanya looking on--not quite un-jealous, but not really threatened either.

Zanya and Ash's interplay might have been my favorite, though. She is determined to keep Sachi safe no matter what, and she is vicious. Ash? Loves and relates to both of those things. The very literal sparring scenes between these two? So hot. And while I feel very sure about the dynamic between Sachi and Zanya and Sachi and Ash, these two still have a ways to go. Zanya is a hard character, with many emotional walls (and her reasons are super valid). Ash, on the other hand, is all heat--and while he's initially determined to make nice with Zanya because of his feelings for Sachi, over the course of the book you feel him become more interested in her, and excited to get to know her better and be with her for the long term. Zanya? Still needs some convincing. I am pumped to see how he wins her over.

--The way sexuality is handled in this book is so casual, and I fucking love that. Really, the main obstacle to Sachi and Zanya being together in public is related to class and Sachi's duty to marry Ash. The gods they meet are pretty much universally bisexual, and Ash's previous consort was a prince, not a princess, which doesn't seem unusual or remarked upon.

--I think it would be very easy for Ash to come off as a "just happy to be there" guy, because Zanya and Sachi have such a strong love, and such an established relationship. But he's really so lovable, so patient with both of them (well, Sachi has to be more patient in their case--he's very worried about hurting her) and so charmingly teasing. Like, he's a protective dangerous dragon guy (and to be clear: for most of the book, Ash is totally this big hot man dude, he shifts separately into a dragon form) but he's also just? A good guy?

--I loved the world of the gods and their mythology. It's fun, it's hedonistic, I identified several cool characters I'd love to see find love in their own books, and it feels like they're both... above humanity and sweetly emotional. It's a hard balance to strike, but I think they got it in this one. (Fun fact: Kit Rocha is a pen name for two friends.)

--In terms of "how fantasy is this and how romance is this" it's a romance novel, despite the fact that it doesn't end on a totally resolved note (I trust that will come in the future). But the fantasy is strong without being too hard to follow. I feel like fantasy purists who are Very Vocal On Twitter may complain about the level of fantasy in this but like. The world was very much solid enough for me. I got it. It was the right balance for me, as a romance reader, and I refuse to accept romantasy as a thing unless it defines itself better, because it feels like fantasy romance is all I really need to know about.

The Sex:

Um, one of the hottest books I've read in a while. It takes a bit before you get to the first sex scene, but once it gets going it's going. Most of the sex scenes involve all three parties in one way or the other. Sachi is absolutely a brat with both of her partners, and frankly, we love to see it.

One thing I really loved was the evolution of Zanya's role in the sexual aspect of the relationship. We see that she and Sachi have very defined roles in bed, they know each others' bodies so well. Ash is respectful of that, as he is respectful in general--and he's willing to learn from both Sachi and Zanya (and I get the impression that while both of them are clearly bi, neither has much or any experience with men due to their longstanding, presumably monogamous involvement with each other). He's such a great example of writing a romance hero who's like... an animal where it counts, but so respectful of consent and so willing to be taught. So, as time passes, you see Zanya's more dominant side come out with Ash as well, and the way in which she begins to shift her focus from just Sachi to Sachi and Ash. Which of course, very much aligns with the fact that she's catching feelings. Oops!

I can't give away too much, but--there is one sex scene towards the end of the book that is just. Beyond.

Like I said, it's kind of hard to find FFM, and I jumped on this book because I was so excited to see that--and of course, I want to read more fantasy romance. I'm really happy with where it's going, and I look forward to the next book.

Thanks to Montlake and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[gffa]

hi! i’m not really sure how to phrase my question, but it’s meant in good faith because i’m genuinely curious; what is it about obikin that you like so much? a fellow star wars fan i’ve been chatting with (who i. probably won’t be anymore after the conversation that prompted this because it was uhhh Intense) kinda jumped down my throat when it was brought up? in a “how could you not like this” way, even though all i said was that my opinion on the ship itself is neutral leaning towards uncomfortable. and when i asked them what they like about the ship, they didn’t really give a concrete answer? just that it’s the best star wars ship. but it got me wondering why other people like obikin, and you’re one of the people i feel more comfortable asking. so here i am. thanks in advance, and thank you for the lovely blog you run!

—🌻

Hi! I'm sorry that you're going through that, friends have to be able to accept that they're not always going to share everything and be able to respect each others' boundaries, that you may never like it and that's okay, that they do like it and that's okay, and if it comes down to it, that you both just find other things to talk about if you don't see eye to eye. As for what I like about Obikin, there's always just going to be a degree of, "Well, because I just do." to it, like why do some people like pizza? Why do some people like cheeseburgers?  They just do, something in there lights their brain up and they love it.  I say this ahead of time because it’s okay that sometimes we just don’t like a thing, no matter how well or poorly it’s done, like I will just never really be into westerns, doesn’t matter how good they are or bad they are, how much someone articulates what they find fascinating, they just don’t light my brain up. That said, what I like about Obikin is the complicated history they have and the push-and-pull of their different worldviews and how they each tug the other towards the center. For Anakin, he wants to love people with everything he has, he wants to possess them, he wants his feelings to consume him and the one he loves.  For Obi-Wan, he wants to find inner balance and peace, he wants to have his thoughts be clear because that helps him not fall prey to his feelings, and as a psychic space wizard who could really hurt people if his feelings overtook him (because their connection to the Force is their emotions), that’s one of the most important things in his life. But they love each other.  Whatever form that love takes, they each pull each other towards the middle between them.  Obi-Wan can help guide and structure Anakin, he can turn Anakin towards not letting his feelings eat him alive.  Anakin pulls Obi-Wan towards letting his feelings overtake common sense, and that may not always be a good thing, that if push came to shove, Obi-Wan might not be able to stop Anakin from killing a thousand people if it meant killing Anakin, too.  But it sure is a tasty as hell dynamic to play with, as a writer and reader! My love of Obikin is wrapped up in how I see the characters--that Obi-Wan is a patient and kind man who cares deeply about Anakin, who seeks him out in the source material to offer to talk to him, but doesn’t push because he respects Anakin’s boundaries, while Anakin is someone who wants those boundaries pushed, he tries so desperately to be in control and the rock others lean on, but he’s so bad at it and he’s constantly looking for someone to follow.  Look at the way he keeps offering the galaxy to others--he offers it to Luke in ESB, he offers it to Padme in ROTS, he follows Sidious for decades until he can find someone else to follow, that guy wants a benevolent hand on the back of his neck so bad.  He wants someone to soothe him and his upset feelings so bad.  He wants someone to make his troubles go away so bad.  And if Obi-Wan would realize just how badly cracked Anakin’s foundation is and how badly he wants that hand on the back of his neck, then I can see him stepping up into that role for Anakin’s sake, even enjoying that role for his own sake as well. And part of that is just that it’s really hot, I love a good mild-to-mid-range d/s dynamic that they both get something out of, I love when it’s paired with Obi-Wan’s dedication to helping teach Anakin, that everything he does in that relationship is to better help Anakin to a good place. I further love Obikin because I love their banter, they bicker back and forth, pulling each other up out of a funk, like at the beginning of Attack of the Clones, Anakin is a hot and sweaty mess, so Obi-Wan starts teasing him and a few minutes later, they’re laughing together.  Or on Vanqor when they’re stuck in the cave with the rancor, bickering with each other, that is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.  Or when they’re trolling Dooku together on Felucia, that was also hilarious. Or the beginning of Revenge of the Sith, where they’re bickering the entire time and it is such a great Old Married Couple dynamic, the kind where you’re so ridiculously fond of this person even as you’re crabbing to their face or laughing in their direction, they’re the person you wouldn’t leave behind, they’re the person you can’t bring yourself to kill because you love them too much, because they’re the person that’s shaped your life just as much as you’ve shaped theirs. Or they can be a Battle Couple dynamic, look at how they fight side by side, moving together in sync, like they’re two halves of the same whole.  The opening scene of ROTS was literally designed to show their ships swooping together as an extension of how close they were, how perfectly they moved together, how well they got alone.  Or look at them fighting Ventress together, they’re inseparable.  Or fighting Dooku on Obi-Diah, that spinning move they do or the way Obi-Wan is like, “I’ll give you a push!” to send Anakin flying was flawless, those two practically shared a single mind! It’s a combination of a lot of things--Anakin being a subby brat who tried to pretend he wasn’t but very much wanted that, the depth of their relationship and how much they’ve been through together, the way neither of them could ever really let the other go even when the entire weight of the galaxy and the weight of every child Anakin killed was between them, their banter was very “couple who has been married for 50 years”, they intimately understood each other and moved together like they were two halves fitting together, that they can either be terrible together or amazing together, there’s an epicness to them that lights my brain up, etc. It’s a dozen different reasons all wrapped up together that lends itself to soft moments, hard moments, complicated moments, sexy moments, funny moments, their relationship is complex enough and thorny enough that I can either wrap myself up in it like a soothing blanket or I can dissect it like it’s got a hundred layers deep “what the fuck is wrong with these two, it’s fascinating” dynamic. But, for me, I love how much they’ve been through together, I love the banter, and I love that Anakin Skywalker’s brain is full of too many thoughts and feelings and the person best suited to fuck the noise out of his head is Obi-Wan Kenobi, who is a teacher down to his very bones, who is someone who is relentless at caring about what’s best for others, who has his own complicated emotions and reactions, but will always care so much about Anakin that he’ll find a way to help him, if Anakin will accept it.  And I tend to think the best way to do that is to rail the noisy, ugly thoughts out of Anakin Skywalker’s head, until he’s too stuffed full of other things to have room for anything else. I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface here, so I’ll throw it out to anyone else who wants to answer, too!  I’d love to have more examples and just to read them for myself!  It’s totally okay that some aren’t going to ever be convinced, maybe all of the things I listed above just do nothing for you or you don’t see their dynamic that way, and that’s okay! Why do you guys ship Obikin?