#find something else to do with your time
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it takes less effort to keep your mouth shut than it does to be a horrible person, and i hope people are aware that cruelty gets you nowhere.
#ive seen some really disgusting things on tumblr recently#and my disappointment with the jjk fandom âŚ#there is NEVER a reason to send hate on anon & if you donât like someone or something STEP AWAY.#and the fact that some of this is over another stranger on the internet. youâre treating strangers like shit over another stranger.#itâs not even sane behavior; what is going through your heads to think itâs okay to send anyone racist comments#slurs and death threats#this isnât even discourse or drama this is basic human decency and you all canât even do that#find something else to do with your time#people should not be forced off tumblr constantly & im tired of seeing this becoming an ongoing issue within this fandom
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Hey btw if you harass Bright rewriters in any form just because they're rewriting a flawed character (original Bright was. very problematic. so not flawed in the fun way) not only are you NOT welcomed here! But I think you're lame as shit for doing that with your time.
Like I'll be the first to say, I think full on rewrites in general are like unneeded and I do think some of them turn into Bright hate porn too easily but I wouldn't harass anyone! Because I get it! Besides I've seen way more creative and fun ones that keep the spirit of Bright alive and also the creators are respectful to anyone who prefers Bright over a rewrite!
#you harass anyone for anything and i think youre lame btw#find something else to do with your time#touch grass#get a hobby#do SOMETHING#quillisms
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DTIYS for @tizeline
Congrats on 10k!!! (love your artstyle btw sooo soft and beautiful i wanna look at your art all day!)
The original outfit was perfect but I still felt like something was missing...
#my art#art#dtiys#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise leo#rise donnie#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt leo#april o'neil#rottmnt april#wow first time drawing her#she's beautiful#i don't really like how i drew donnie here((#i think i could've done better(#i'm too tired to do anything else with this art so#tiz sep au#oh god i haven't read it yet#at least not all of it#you see#there's this thing#when i find something exciting that i wanna read/watch i instead just run around it for months thinking about it preparing to dive into it#before i actually do it#i don't know why#i did this with cass au for nearly a YEAR because i was SO excited i couldn't sit still to read#anyway#did i tell you how much i like your art?
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Okay. hear me out. Creaking Helsknight
#atlas.art#artists on tumblr#mcyt#hermitcraft#helsknight#welsknight#the creaking#do you see my vision#his heart gets left back in hels when he comes to hc through the cloning machine#something something you are a creature not entirely your own devoted to one purpose belonging to one place#and then suddenly you are somewhere else and you are alone and without purpose and you are your own being for the first time in your life#and it feels like there is a hole in you somewhere. like you have lost something vital. you want to find it again. go home. feel whole.#but at the same time in it's absence you have become something else entirely#and you're not sure if you can ever go back to belonging to a separate whole again#not to. uh. get existential with it or anything.#thought about this too long today mayhaps. whoopsie.#anyways his name being hels like the place because he is entirely a part of it as an extension of the creaking heart... .. . .#literally the knight of hels as in created from it and not seperate from the land itself#idk what all of this would imply about wels lol#someone else can figure that out
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being âfixableâ. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
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While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.
Bye.
#ask me#anon#once AGAIN.#I am not dropping anything#the au is not getting cancelled. more than likely i'm gonna take a break from it until i find motivation again#But I've been drawing the AU for half a fucking year#In that time I've only drawn 5 things that aren't mlp related#I'm getting tired and my last few posts didn't do as well as I'd hoped#And I'm not about to burn myself out on mlp au art even if I really do love making it#I'm still gonna make comics. I have a bunch of ideas.#Tulli and I still wanna do the limited run merch shop#Discord is still coming. Sunset is still coming. Sombra is still coming. I have so many ideas#But I need to do something else for my own sake. Did you know I was supposed to get the background 6 designs done by now#But I didn't because I'm TIRED#I've been keeping myself on a schedule to keep content pumping despite travel and school and family and I'm tired#what i'm getting isn't matching what i'm giving and that's nobody's fault. i'm not frustrated at anyone. a slump was bound to happen#drawing the au was fun until it become my Thing. Because when your Thingââyour identityââstarts to faulter#it can really make you freak out#And that's not healthy for the project or for myself. I need to find the fun again and I'm sure I will#I'm really appreciative of everyone's support in my inbox and replies it really does mean a lot especially given that about 2/3 of my#followers followed for mlp. But if you're gonna react to me saying âi'm gonna cool down on mlp art and draw my own stuffâ with âi'm#disappointed in you." then Leave! I think it's good you're unfollowing#you are not obligated to stick by my side! But don't act like I'm doing you a disservice by turning my attention elsewhere#I didn't promise anyone anything and I definitely didn't say I'm breaking any promises.
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I can't read Janeway/Chakotay if Tuvok isn't there with the same energy of a passenger in the backseat putting his foot on Chakotay's chair and slowly increasing the pressure so Janeway doesn't notice but Chakotay does. Bc. He should have been in the front seat. And Janeway's the one who asked "Do you mind getting in the back, Mr. Tuvok?" and he said it was fine, absolutely fine, and she thought nothing more of it but everytime Chakotay glances in the rearview mirror he can see that man's eyes staring back at him. I know people cast Tuvok as the wingman in Janeway & Chakotay's tragic love story but I think it'd be way funnier and perhaps even MORE tragic if anytime Janeway tried to softlaunch the idea of Chakotay as a romantic interest Tuvok conveniently had a memory about her and Mark Johnson to share. Do You Remember when we all went to the Recreation of The Ancient Olive Garden, Captain? And you said you two were Mates of Each Other's Soul? That just occurred to me for some reason. Anyway, what were you saying about Chakotay? After Mark Johnson is out of the picture for good, Tom teases that Janeway & Chakotay would make a good couple and Tuvok, serious as a heart attack and with a dire warning in his eyes/tone (insulting the captain is a grave offense) says that the captain would Never do something like that. She is a woman of morals. She is a woman who holds herself to a high standard. She would Never. And Tom never brings it up again and Janeway is both touched by Tuvok's belief in her and...something else. Something that feels like being doomed. Tuvok doesn't even dislike Chakotay at this point, it's not about him at all - it's All about Janeway. Like, personally I don't think Tuvok would be that personally invested in Janeway's romantic life one way or another (they seem to me like they'd be uncomfortable talking in depth about that kind of thing) but if he's going to be invested wouldn't it be so funny, so intriguing, for him, as the only member of Voyager who has pre-existing history with Janeway, to represent the Past. The things Janeway wants to return to, what she fights to keep alive - and this is shown to us the audience through Tuvok reinforcing and nurturing her belief that she should NOT become romantically involved with her first officer? Janeway has standards for herself...and Tuvok will Ensure she lives up to them. Because he believes in her ability to do so. They are 'in this together', are they not? They will assist one other, will they not? Like always.
#Tuvok#Kathryn Janeway#Chakotay#If I give up on Mark it's like I've given up on getting home Janeway says and Tuvok inclines his head in subtle unspoken agreement#If I give in to my desires and allow myself to be with Chakotay it's like I've given up on being the captain/getting home Janeway says#and though she hopes for a sliver of time that Tuvok will challenge this - he inclines his head. Agreement from her moral compass.#What other sign could she possibly ask for? There is no one else to entreat.#<- I need them to be UNREASONABLE!!!#star trek voyager#In my mind If Tuvok was asked what he expects Janeway to do if it truly does take 70 years to reach Earth it'd be something like#'she finds a civilian mate on a planet who would not mind becoming a member of our crew (and not Starfleet so they are not a subordinate)'#or she just takes care of her desires on the holodeck like he must suffer the indignity of...this is not ideal#but it is better than alternative scenarios#Also (besides the point I'm making here) Tuvok would be TERRIBLE at giving romantic advice and I think people should use that#The only person he's ever been with is his wife and they're both telepathic aliens and he associates romantic yearning with a danger to be#eliminated - I think this could be a good source of humor#Tuvok's romantic moves are 'marry them' or 'cut them out of your life forever and cast whatever feelings you had for them to the winds'
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How Homestuck Beyond Canon Candy Timeline has/will have parallels with Homestuck proper around and during the events of [S] Game Over
Jane Crocker heavily aligned/influenced by with Crocker Corp. Notice how her neck accessory looks very similar to the Crocker computer tiara. There's also the circuits surrounding the button, which are reminiscent of Crockertier Jane's visual mind control effect by The Condesce.
Jane also kind of looks like The Condesce with how she's silhouetted here.
The head of Crocker Corporation on a large Crocker space ship. A ship which I would like to point out looks eerily similar to the ship that The Condesce flies around in except the forks/sporks are facing the opposite direction and it's got black on it instead of mostly red.
Jake dying at the hands of Crocker influenced Jane and coming back to life parallels with this Jane coming close to killing Jake, but stopping right before death. Same green text too.
The cast of characters surrounding this time in the comic are also similar.
We also got the whole Crocker laser beam of death being hinted at which we've absolutely seen before.
I talked about this in one of my previous theories, Jake is getting a better grasp of his hope powers; so, I think we could see another hope explosion again in some capacity out of Jake's concern for Tavvy.
I could also totally see Jake being held hostage by one of the Crocker Clones A.K.A. the Brig Boys and Kanaya cutting them up with her chainsaw (hopefully avoiding Jake).
This is more of a little side detail, but Vriska is once again on the sidelines while this massive important fight takes place because she's trapped in her own personal Hell this time.
CHARACTER DEATH FLAGS - I don't know how to organize this post and there was a lot more potential evidence to this than I thought there was going into it.
Let me preface this with the fact that the existential split between Meat and Candy sometimes seems to try to course correct itself and much like certain peoples DNIs, it doesn't want any doubles. We see this with Dirk, Dave (he died even if he ascended to ultimate self afterwards), June/J/John, Terezi(seemingly), Meenah (her other self is in the black hole with Lord English so we can't necessarily confirm death but yknow), Aradia (is just Aradia), Gamzee, Calliope (that is a whole complex situation), and Rose (if her future sight is correct, but we'll get to that). Those are the only examples I can think of at this time, but it's absolutely a repeating pattern of the universe sort of course-correcting to have only one of each of our main characters exist at a time. This, at least in the cases of Dirk, Dave, & Rose seems to be related to the ascension to ultimate self, but we can't really say if that's why the other characters only get one existence at this time.
Karkat has has at least 2 deaths from around this time, one involving Crockertier Jane as well which could be a sign of things to come.
Rose's death flag is that she has literally foreseen her death in her future sight. She is thinking about Kanaya and Roxy in the same thought process while seeing her own death, feeling full of regret (even though she's trying to repress her own feelings) about her relationship to Roxy and Kanaya. Very similar to her being regretful as she was dying in Roxy's arms. I'm also guessing the bullet that hits her will be from Jake's gun, just throwing that out as a possibility.
ROSE: What... ROSE: Happened to me? ROXY: the witch got u ROXY: with her fork ROXY: but youre gonna be ok ROSE: Oh. ROSE: That's nice. ROSE: *Cough.* ROXY: maybe you uh ROXY: shouldnt try to talk now ROSE: You saved me, didn't you? ROXY: ... ROSE: Thanks. ROSE: But, ROSE: She's gone, isn't she. ROSE: For good, I mean. ROXY: ? ROSE: I saw her die. ROSE: And. ROSE: It's a shame how... ROSE: *Cough.* ROSE: A shame that I never even... ROSE: Got to tell her... ROSE: I loved her. ROXY: who?
ROSE: Kanaya. ROSE: But... ROSE: You too, mom.
Kanaya also has a death flag here in getting hit by The Condesce's laser beam of death, but it's more of a maybe given that we see Rose's future vision of Kanaya holding her body in her arms. Keep in mind though we also had this bit of dialogue about the reliability of future sight right before we saw that vision.
JADE: dont forget im more than a little versed in future sight myself ok JADE: i dont care how credible it seems, you cant depend on that information!
Jake and Jane are also on the chopping block potentially, but I can't think of a way at this time, unless Kanaya mistakes Jake for one of the clones amidst her rage and ends up cutting through him along with the Crocker clones. The one pictured below was done by Aranea who is out of the story. Maybe Meenah's trident hits Jake somehow or something, I don't know. We also have meat Jake and Jane who are doing more okay.
On top of the parallels to the doomed timeline that was [S] Game Over, we also had Vriska say that this reality was fake and didn't matter. I'm paraphrasing and I don't know if we'll get a doomed timeline situation yet with the 4 kids still in it, but I just thought the amount of parallels was interesting & worth pointing out.
I also wanted to get this out before the next update in case it's related to the flash animation and any of my predictions come true.
Alternatively I think the flash animation will be Ultimate Dirk kick starting his SBURB home brew session on Deltritus. He probably has all the tech and narrative powers to do it based on what we've seen, they just need a species they'll both be satisfied with as the players for the session.
#I wasn't sure how to title this hs theory; can you tell? Wanted it to be accurate; this isn't the clickbait video site lmao#sorry that some of the image qualities vary; I couldn't be bothered to find specific pages in the long labyrinth that is act 6 and#ended up just using a summary video for some of these because that was much easier. There is so much to talk about I'm probably going to#miss something in HSBC so if anyone has anything else to add onto this post feel free to do it. when I tell you that formatting these#colored text chat logs was a nightmare; I mean that. Every time I saved the draft it kept glitching the chat logs too. Kept having to fix.#there's also some characters like Roxy where we don't know what she's up to in the candy timeline as well as Sollux and John/June Egbert#Also Calliope are any of them preparing for this fight or have some kind of plan? Captor could help but would need cover while he blasts#Anyway this mostly started from Jane's whole batterwitch vibe she has going on with Crocker corporation and her laser machine#hopefully Kanaya will be okay; but I'm definitely super worried about Rose atm and Jake too; also what's going on with Tavvy#Candy Jane as the new condesce it's not looking good for Commander Karkat Meenah or Kanaya. Mr English plz come save your son Tavros#mine#op#homestuck theory#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck#jake english#rose lalonde#jane crocker#kanaya maryam#karkat vantas#homestuck spoilers#homestuck upd8#cw flashing images#cw blood#cw gore
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how long does it take you to draw your sketches/doodles? also do you have any tips to draw faster? đââď¸
I generally take 30 - 60 minutes a sketch,,,, but honestly really depends on how detailed it is.
Like a Chibi will be done in 20 - 25 minutes (Counting in the extra time I spend on minute details like a perfectionist đ)
I for some reason really like spending egregious amounts of time on random objects too??? Unless itâs the in the background, Iâll spend 40 minutes refining it.
Random characters that are fully colored and rendered with take like 80 minutes.
The comics take usually take an hour or two per page. (If I decide to cross hatch it, my entire day will be gone with 4 pages⌠so Iâve been trying to find shortcuts. But not without sacrificing the quality for time lol)
I donât think thereâs any trick or magic to drawing faster. Itâs really about weaponizing your artistic knowledge, and finding whatâs comfortable or convenient for you!
There was a period of time where I would spend 11 or 12 hours on an illustration, and it wASS UGLYYYYY. (Some of these artworks are still available on my tumblr,,, but itâs SO LONG AGO, AND IT WAS MY 1ST OR 2ND YEAR GETTING INTO DIGITAL ART)
Overtime I learned what worked best for me, and practiced till I felt more comfortable with what I was drawing. Eventually I managed to shorten the time to 4 hours or less! Ambition was my biggest enemy but at the same time my biggest motivator. (And it still is LMFAO) đ
EDIT (bit more to my way too long tangent): ALSO??? BRO DONâT BE AFRAID TO USE YOUR MESSY SKETCH AS LINEART OR DRAW ON TOP OF IT. IâVE DONE IT FOR YEARS NOW AND IT ADDS SUCH A GOOD EXTRA BIT OF TEXTURE,, AT THIS POINT I DONâT EVEN USE LINE-ART ANY MORE UNLESS ITâS A COMMISSION,, (ITâLL ADD LIKE AN 2-4 HOURS TO MY WORK)
#mushyrt#asks#that word minute bothers me so much#I look at it and want to refer to it as the time minute#this sketch took about 3 minutes when it shouldâve been 1 minute#BUT I WAS SO HYPERFIXATED ON THE EYESSS#i say these pretty words#but THE REAL TIP IS HONESTLY THE LASSO TOOL#LASSO TOOL IS THE BEST#ITâS MY FAVORITE TOOL FOR MAKING BACKGROUNDS OR QUICK SHADING OR COLORING#OR ALSO THE MASK TOOL#TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM#THEYâRE SO GOOD#Procreate mask tool kinda sucksss#SO USE ALPHA LOCK IF YOU ARE A CONFIDENT PERSON#OR NOT AFRAID TO F**K UP#Bro I sometimes draw on 1 layer and use alpha lock and my friends look at me like Iâm a menace#BUT IT!S USEFULLLL AND SO EASY#This little tangent definitely shouldâve been my answer for the âhow much do you drawâ question#but Iâve been thinking about it for a long time#AND IâM A MANIAC WHEN IT COMES TO DRAWING đđ#even if you rob me of a paper or pencil I WILL FIND A WAY TO DRAW#I WILL SCRATCH INTO YOUR SHIRT AND ROCKS AND MAKE AN ARTWORK OUT OF WATER OR CAT FUR#YOU WILL NOT DEPRIVE ME OF MY CREATIVE ENDEAVORS#This didnât stick out to me until one of my friends said âomg ofc sheâs drawingâ under her breath#like I spend every second of free time I have drawing unless I find something else interesting#The only time Iâm not drawing is when Iâm on the toilet or doing random everyday stuff#I forgot to talk about this but greyscale to color is insanely useful too; it teaches you different values while also being super fast#i tend to use greyscale to color when I do a BW sketch I end up liking#TL;DR - Lasso Tool + Layer Mask + Alpha Lock + Sketch as lineart
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I can't find art of my ship anywhere so I GUESS that means I have to make it myself, here are some doodles.
#ugh i can't believe i have to make my own shipping fanart#tfw you're complaining to your sister that you can't find any content of them but then you remember you have the power#man i do not know how to draw kissing or hugging or any of that romantic stuff#mostly i just know how to put paragraphs of dialogue in between two talking heads#but this seems to be something of a rarepair even though they are obsessed with each other so i suppose i gotta try#karlach#lae'zel#shipping#bg3#baldurs gate 3#karlzel#i think that's the ship name but i have found so little of them that i'm genuinely not sure#laelach#(just in case)#but come on they're perfect! they're sunshine/raincloud! dog energy/cat energy! tall/small! hot and cold! canonically into each other!#character who represses sadness and character who doesn't understand happiness! pretty girls who can both bench press each other!#considering what their banter looks like i don't get how this isn't a more popular pairing. who else does karlach wistfully sigh over?#my sister tells me that lae'zel is not well-liked by the wider fandom and that that may be why (so sorry if other people have bad taste)#or maybe people don't often put the barbarian and the fighter together in the same party at the same time#anyway now that you're 100% convinced feel free to draw them making out so that i don't have to k thx <3
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.
#to the anon who keeps harassing me#iâm currently going through the worst chronic pain flare up i have ever experienced#and my depression has crept right back in as a result#i do not have the energy to engage with someone whoâs being unreasonably combative beyond this post#so keep sending messages all you want#thatâs your prerogative#but iâd highly suggest finding something much better to do with your time#anyway thatâs all#and to anyone else whoâs reading this: i hope youâre all okay and taking care of yourselves đŠˇ#personal
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NO I AM NOT OKAY. IF THIS PERSON WHO DID IT IS SOMEONE WHO FOLLOWS ME TAKE IT FREAKING DOWN. I NEVER GAVE PERMISSION FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND NEVER WILL.
If someone knows about this fic. Please please please I beg you please send a link to me so that I could report it. If I remember correctly it is only the author who could report something being stolen on wattpad. (The story they took from is one of my original works that is Just One Drop) And please if you do know or if you find out don't go attacking this person.
#i dont know how to react to this... lost sleep a couple of time cause i was always scared that one day i will find out that someone#stole my works and say that it was there own or something like that.#but now that it finally happened i feel like a deflated balloon more than anything#more of the mentally of like âI guess it finally happened to me.â i cant say i am too surprised about this situation#but i am definitely not happy about this at all.#if you are someone who stole one of my works why do you even do this?#likes or whatever??? there is literally nothing nice about the whole thing. do you feel happy?#do you feel happy that you get likes over something that you didnt make? will anything do to make you happy then at this point??#i am not trying to be understanding here i am trying to get it in your skull that in the end#you get nothing from this#doing something like this will only get you likes if not that numbers then what else? You built everything on stuff that didnt belong to yo#fame? what fame could you even get from something like this. sooner or later you might just abandon it and then what??#there is nothing to feel good about it.#this is the reason why people hesitate to even post stuff online at this point cause why even bother#when everything that we make will be stolen at one point and posted again under someone else when we clearly said that we do not want that
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ok for the sake of being true to canon the valg prince possessing Dorian did get scared of Manon and retreated for a few moments allowing the real Dorian to finally gain control.
And what did my man do? You'd think he'll ask for help or something along these lines, but nope. The only moments of freedom he had he used to rizz up the witch I mean priorities right???
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#dorian havilliard#manon x dorian#manorian#dorian u had precious moments and what did u do with that???#find your future queen is what you did#that was so hot of him really#no wonder manon fell for that this man is something else completely#but at least she knew he could be saved so it's good?#mission accomplished???#manon and dorian's relationship was insane okay#no wonder they're the more kinky / hands on pair in the books#every time they're together they just can't keep to themselves???#sharing a tent? yeah that's perfect for them they don't even need two bed rolls#honestly even on the ship dorian was casually going to manon's room to either rile her up while's all chained and leave her there for 24#hours and finished what he started the next night#he was so cruel for that tbh#he knows exactly how to make her beg and he didn't spare a moment
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease đ
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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Drops this on the floor and runs away... @potetosaradas
I also made a stupid little playlist, itâs not particularly original or good, just a bunch of songs that reminded me of them
#HHEHEHEHJZIDUISI I FIND THEM SO AMUSING#demigods au#prickcest#i tried to have primes tail swirl around his little boyfriendâs leg but it looked weird#I hope his hands do a better job at showcasing his possessiveness#also I couldnât cram both of ricks angel wings in that little space so I just made them smaller đ#is that even something possible in ur au ????#again I tried to replicate your dramatic shading style for maximum swagger and it turned out nice ithinks#i am so sad to be so limited in time because I want to do so much more of them and everyone else#rick prime#rick sanchez#skribbles
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this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.
edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you đ
#i glanced and thought they brought out a feature so that we could turn off ai access#that seemed... okay? i thought? but now i'm really confused. i don't know. i'm so tired and scared. i just can't... keep doing this#i know this is stupid but this feels like it's my fault.#it happens every time i find something. if i'm happy somewhere. it just.... poof. goes away. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry#on the edit: i would only *ever* think this about myself. double standards that i hold for myself are high. i expect emotional control#& performance from myself only. i would never think badly of anyone else being stressed about this or anything. thank you for your kindness#this community has been so beautiful and kind at every turn. i'm so grateful to get to be here and meet you all#okay... being really sappy now. y'all get to see my anxiety first hand today!! whee!! anyway. i'll get it together. haha! thank you.
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