#finance bros Charmes

[annie-also-draws]

Hades Charmes brain rot dump

Domestic Charmes Modern Au for my needs bc there’s not enough art of them HNNNNG (bless you AO3 writers)

Some designs for Hermes. (Charon’s still in the backlog in my head rn). Hermes with glasses anyone??? 😭

I’m in the deep trenches of making my own Au where Hermes and Charon are finance bros (god of commerce and the god who collects gold, duh, ain’t no way they’re dirt poor).

There’s plenty of fics that display Hermes as the black sheep of the family who’s running his own life away from his family doing odd jobs and barely hangs on (no hate I love them!!!) but there’s not enough Rich! Hermes out there so I just gotta insert my own brain rot. Charon and Hermes working for rival finance companies (one deal with future investment and one deal with settlement money/clauses after one’s death (idk if it’s a real thing but meh)

Check the tags for the synopsis lol AO3 style

Bless Jen Zee for long hair Hermes bc all the hairstyle I can conjure from this 😩🙏

The glasses started as a goofy accessory and ended up staying. Longsighted-Hermes who can’t see things that are close to him and uses contact lenses at work 👁️👁️. Only wears glasses at home (with Charon). Grows very little beard and is perpetually tired bc overworked! Hermes is so canon.

[mindmelter]

A Better Marcus Than Marcus

It all started when my sister’s boyfriend, Marcus, did a complete 180. The guy used to be your textbook finance bro—straight-laced, all about stocks, cryptos, and protein shakes. He was also the type who’d casually flex his "intellectual superiority" at family dinners like he was the human embodiment of a TED Talk nobody asked for.

Then, out of nowhere, he turned into this fun, carefree dude. He started to grow his hair and beard and constantly walk shirtless, showcasing his unfairly perfect pair of pecs and set of abs. He even tattooed his arm—something I would never expect from him. It wasn’t just a change in style; it was like he had become a totally different person.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Then it hit me—my sister’s ex, Dylan, a scrawny hippie who could’ve been the poster child for essential oils and “love, man” vibes. Dylan and I had gotten along great back in the day, mostly because he shared a little secret with me: a drug. No, not this kind of drug. This stuff could turn anyone into a bodysuit. Yeah, you heard me. One hit of this thing, and you could empty someone out, leaving behind a perfectly usable, skin-tight vessel. Thanks to him, I solved my bullying problem at school by wearing the jock leader's body.

Then, one day, Dylan disappeared from our lives after my sister dumped him. No warning, no goodbye, nothing. I thought that was the end of it. Turns out, it wasn’t.

Fast-forward to tonight. We’re having a family dinner at my parents’ house, and Marcus is here, all smiles and carefree vibes, making dumb jokes with my parents. It was the perfect chance to test my theory. I waited until everyone was distracted with dessert and pulled Marcus aside to a quiet corner of the house.

“I need to talk to you,” I whispered, trying to keep my voice low.

He cocked an eyebrow but followed me. Once we were out of earshot, I didn’t waste any time.

“I know you’re not really Marcus,” I said, crossing my arms. “I know it’s you, Dylan.”

For a moment, he just stared at me, then a wide grin spread across his face. “Took you long enough, bro,"

He opened his robe even more to show me his muscular body, looking like he was showing me an outfit and not another man's skin, “Yeah, it’s me. Poor Marcus never saw it coming. Injected this asshole with the stuff after he dropped your sister at your house, and bam! Marcus went to bodysuit city.” He chuckled darkly. “I’ve been living my best life ever since and with the love of my life."

I’ll admit, I wasn’t surprised. But hearing it confirmed still left my mouth agape.

"So, what now? You gonna rat me out to your sister? You wouldn't do that to good old Dylan here, would you? Not after I helped you turn your jock bully into a bodysuit. I even helped you out at faking his disappearance, I had to drive to another state to get rid of that bodysuit."

I smirked. “That depends. What’s in it for me?”

Dylan—or Marcus, I guess—laughed. “Alright, how about this: I let you enjoy Marcus’s body anytime you want, as long as you keep your mouth shut.”

It was a twisted offer, but let’s be real—I’d had a thing for Marcus since day one. The chance to have him, even under these bizarre circumstances, was too good to pass up.

“Deal,” I said, extending a hand.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, bro,” he replied, shaking my hand. Before we could head upstairs, my sister caught us in the hallway.

“Where are you two going?” she asked.

Thinking quickly, Dylan—Marcus—flashed his charming smile. “Your brother wanted to show me his collectible…uh…vinyl record collection. Said he’s got some rare finds.”

She bought it. “Wow, bonding over music. Finally. I’m proud of you two. Don't take too long, we're going to have karaoke." She leaned forward to give Marcus a kiss and walked away.

As soon as we were in my room, the facade dropped. I locked the door, and he turned to me, that sly grin back on his face. “Alright, bro,” he said, taking off his already unbuttoned white shirt and letting it fall to the floor. “Let’s see what you’ve been fantasizing about.”

I immediately pushed him down onto his knees, grabbing a handful of his long hair to assert control. “You’re going to start by sucking me off like a good slut,” I whispered.

His grin widened as he complied, reaching for my pants and pulling them down. His warm mouth quickly wrapped around me, and I let out a satisfied groan as he worked his tongue expertly. Once my cock was slick and throbbing, I pulled him back by his hair, forcing him to look up at me.

“Get on the bed, on all fours, now! You're my secret boyfriend slut now,” I ordered. He obeyed, taking off his pants and crawling onto the bed completely naked with his huge ass waiting for me. It was the sight I've been dreaming of ever since my sister introduced Marcus.

I walked over to my desk and turned on some rock music to muffle what was about to happen.

Climbing onto the bed behind him, I gripped his long hair tightly as I positioned myself. Without hesitation, I thrust into him hard, using his hair as leverage. Dylan moaned as I filled Marcus' ass. This wasn't our first time together. When Dylan was wearing my hot bully's body, he let me fuck him as a final revenge before he dumped the bodysuit in another state.

Marcus' back arched, and he let out a muffled moan, the sound drowned out by the loud music. I didn’t let up, pulling his hair like reins as I pounded into him mercilessly.

I leaned down on his back as I filled Dylan's—Marcus' ass with my cum. “You make a better Marcus."

[smutszn]

Meeting at the bookstore

the first time you see luigi, you're at the hawaii public library returning your overdue books. you think "that guy is really attractive, but not my type." he looks like a total surfer bro. cute, but a bro. probably works in finance and is on his eat, pray, love trip in hawaii

next weekend, your friend wants to get a book to read on the beach. you love bookstores, so of course you say yes. to your surprise, you see the surfer guy from the library there again. you recognize him because of his distinctive eyebrows and his confident aura.

you make eyes with him, and he seems to have a look of recognition too. he's cute, you can't help but notice, but you're too chicken to do anything. did he look at me? you second guess yourself. just when you think it's all in your head, he puts down the book he was looking at and joins you by the contemporary fiction section, standing right next to you.

"hi, what are you reading?"

you flip over the book. kind of stunned and not even sure what you were looking at. "intermezzo, this new sally rooney book. i'm a big fan of her books."

"i've actually read her other books too," he chimes in.

you're a bit surprised, but of course he would. you feel yourself heating up. you're not used to this sort of attention. you wonder where your friend is.

"are you going to get it?," he asks

"i'm only allowing myself to buy one book, otherwise i'll be poor," you laugh. "so...no. i have my eye on "the backyard birds chronicles" by amy tan. i might get intermezzo from the library when they have it in stock." you show him the book that's by your side.

"well, i'm going to get it," he smiles sunnily. "so who can i thank for making a good book suggestion?"

"y/n," you extend your hand. "nice to meet you"

he shakes it. he has a nice firm shake.

"nice to meet you too, hopefully i'll see you around," he flashes a charming smile, winks and goes to the cash register.

that was a really nice encounter, you think. it was light-hearted, fun. flirtatious? would be nice to have more of that.

you go look for your friend. she's already rung up and waiting for you, flipping through her purchase, fourth wing.

"oh y/n," she says as you two are walking to the beach, "i forgot to tell you, but this cute guy with curly dark hair gave me this book to give to you. i asked him if he was sure this was for you and he said your name, so i figured i should just take it."

it's the copy of intermezzo you left on the table. your jaw drops.

you're at the beach, excited to dive into a new book. you look at "the backyard bird chronicles" but then decide against it. as a gift to the mystery boy, you'll read intermezzo first.

you open the book and on the inside cover you see scrawled

you never asked me my name. it's luigi. and you never asked me my phone number. call me maybe?

Who wants to continue my fluff?

[antigoneikk]

What it would actually be like to date various HBOWAR men (modern au):

by me and @guarnerepdf

Speirs:

-is a cokehead finance bro

-you wake up in the middle of the night to him watching you sleep with no explanation given, just an eery smile

-is gaslighting you for purposes unknown (moving your furniture one inch to the left etc)

-buys you the fucking tackiest expensive jewelry and designer clothes as random gifts but half of it is fake

-you justify staying because he takes you to NOBU but you’re afraid to google him

-malarkey keeps telling you he's a serial killer but he has such beautiful hair

-lipton keeps handing you domestic violence brochures when he thinks no one is looking. you throw them away because you want that fucking ugly gucci belt! and the staring is sort of charming after a while

-possibly has a secret child that he is hiding from you. you're not sure.

-the first time you have sex he chokes you without asking and is confused when you get mad at him over it.

-does coke while eating dry fruit loops cereal in the morning. somehow looks hot while doing it.

Liebgott and Webster:

-challengers level toxic throuple, these two come as a pair!

-liebgott is xanned out so badly on the regular that he does not remember the last time he washed his hands.

-lieb met bill and toye in rehab and now all his friends are undergrads even though he's going on thirty.

-lieb won't kiss you in the morning "goddamn it woman, brush your teeth" but will kiss webster no problem!

-lieb likes webster more, but web likes you more because you don't call him slurs and you let him rant to you about sharks.

-you and web unionize at some point to get liebgott back into rehab. when he's gone you realize your relationship is 200 million times healthier but also extremely boring. you take him back the minute he releases himself AMA.

-lieb cannot figure out how to work tiktok, meanwhile webster has 100k subscribers on youtube and does grwm story time videos.

-you once had to be driven home by babe from the gas station after lieb kicked you out of the car. the fight was because he didn't believe you when you said you were allergic to gluten. babe lets you play cinnamon girl by lana del rey on the way home.

-lieb keeps trying to weaponize therapy language against you, 'baby you're fucking gaslighting me!' webster just makes it worse when he tries to explain what the terms actually mean.

Bill:

-you start dating Bill after he steals you away from Babe. Babe was nice, but you got the ick immediately after realizing he's not the leader of the friend group.

-bill sends you disgusting dick pics with extremely poor lighting. you can see his bottle of lotion in the background.

-you think it's sweet that he brings flowers when you go out until you realize they're stolen from the neighbor's flowerbed.

-you have an extremely lavish jersey shore wedding that culminates in a horrible fight when he shoves cake in your face ruining your 400 dollar makeup (that you paid for) and your 2000 dollar dress (that you paid for). during your vows babe has to hold himself back from saying something when the priest asks if there are any objections.

-DIRTY fingernails! does not wash his hands. gives you a UTI but doesn't understand that it's his fault.

-Doesn't cheat but is always on the brink of it.

-Follows multiple swimsuit models on Insta, claims it's okay because 'sweetheart, listen, it's all on the screen!'

-Is so cheap he refuses to pay for extra sugar for your coffee, 'you've had it bitter before, babe.' you are ready to murder him. takes you to chili's and acts like it's a michelin star restaurant.

Talbert:

-cheats on you immediately. within the first week.

-sends you anonymous texts to get STD tested, too scared to actually go to the clinic but is certain he's dying of syphilis.

-cries to lip for an hour when you leave him for speirs.

Gale Cleven:

-'sweetheart. are you really gonna wear that out to dinner? it's a bit...well... risque.'

-accuses you of being an alchoholic every time you drink, but Bucky has done four Jeagerbombs tonight and isn't getting any lectures. Also. Why is Bucky with you two on your date night?

-is straight but keeps stringing Bucky along because he reminds him of his father and for narcissism reasons.

-marge messages you on facebook to warn you about him, and also to sell you on her new MLM scheme.

-bucky keeps giving you mean little grins as he hangs off your man....you are very close to murdering him.

-you finally leave him after he calls you daddy in bed. not mommy. but daddy.

Bucky:

-gives you chlamidya three weeks into dating. gaslights you into thinking you got it from sitting on a public toilet seat.

-drives drunk while you're in the passenger seat, goes above 90 and almost kills the both of you.

-is in love with gale and you both know it but refuses to talk about it.

-laughs when you start crying over your new STD diagnosis.

-is the worst boyfriend in the entire world. do not date this man!

Leckie:

-cheats on you with vera, but has a jealous meltdown everytime you talk to hoosier at house parties. you were literally just asking the man for a lighter.

-hoosier is stirring shit up for shits and giggles. he keeps liking your thirst trap insta photos, commenting 'photo cred'

-cries when you confront him about cheating. writes a poem to you about how badly hurt he was by the whole situation. says he only did it because that's how he was raised! no one taught him how to love properly!!

-exploits his family trauma at any given opportunity, shameless about it

-writes you sweet yet cringy love poems

-chuckler keeps trying to warn you but is so awkward about it that you just end up super confused

-blows up the minute you try and critique his writing

-tells you you're acting 'just like you're mother!' during arguments

-eventually you break up because you cheat on him with hoosier and he cheats on you again with vera

Hoosier:

-completely emotionally unavailable

-laughs at you in the middle of a fight, then when you storm out he stares at the wall for four hours straight. no blinking. no moving.

-goes to chuckler thinking he's dying because he has a 'weird feeling in his stomach.' the feeling is literally just a crush.

-catches leckie flirting with you. doesn't cause a scene but DOES immediately cheat on you as a retaliatory action. has no idea why you're mad about it.

-determined to hurt you before you hurt him.

-somehow makes you think you're in the wrong due to the sheer FORCE of his conviction that it was okay for him to cheat on you.

-you two break up but get back together after having a baby. the baby is possibly not hoosier's but he's a genuinely good father. (the baby very obviously has leckie's face. no one is fooled.)

-during your wedding ceremony leckie has to be thrown out after making the worst best man speech of all time.

-parent teacher conferences are a nightmare because your child is biting the other kids and is failing all her classes. hoosier blames you for not helping her with her homework. you all go out to souplantation afterwards and he keeps dropping barbs about you being a dumbass.

-the two of you stay married for 40 beautiful years before dying of old age. within those 40 years you separate and get back together a total of 5 times. leckie somehow outlives you both.

Luz:

-is sweet and lovely and handsome and makes you laugh a lot but

-you're banned from six movie theatres, three bars, the pier, disneyland, and a froyo shop

-you don't even LIKE froyo but the fact that you can't fucking go there anymore is driving you up the wall

-you got kicked out of disneyland because he got into a fistfight with donald duck

-his mother HATES you. she is the ultimate boy mom. they are constantly talking about you in Portuguese behind your back. she wears white to your wedding.

-cannot go grocery shopping because he's stopped every five feet by some old acquaintance. you have no idea how he knows any of these people!

Eugene:

-you're his beard but he doesn't know it

-is the ideal gay boyfriend/husband

-buys you flowers and takes you out on beautiful dates. cringes when you try to kiss him

-everything would be PERFECT except snafu keeps creating dummy accounts to harass you, drives by your house at all hours of the night, and you're pretty sure he's planning to SWAT you.

-eugene has no idea why you hate snafu? he's such a sweet guy!

Babe:

-you're a bit embarrassed to tell your friends you're dating him....he's sweet but just so dorky

-almost puked on you after taking a dab at bill's house. you had to comfort him for ten minutes

-long suffering angel who you cheat on because you know he's just too good for you.... better to hurt him before he leaves you first!

-is popular on tiktok somehow. you have no idea how this happened but it did

[oshygoshy]

6:37 pm

word count - 907 words

warnings - kuroo is a loser also shitty writing, not proof read much

a/n - happy bday kuroo this is ass lowkey but i'm sorry i'm trying my best. i hate university i'm so busy and stressed but at least my suitemate got a kitty and she's so soft and warm and cute slay

anyways yeah kuroos a loser with no rizz...sorry. he's kicking his feet and giggling over 1 (one) interaction

there was a man. in your spot. at the library.

it was (unfortunately) finals week, meaning you were one more quiz away from a certified crash out, and one more discussion post away from taking a swan dive off the closest bridge. your left eye was twitching, you were running on less than the healthy 8 hours of sleep, and you were drinking your second energy drink of the day.

you were supposed to go to the library on campus to Your Spot, the one you have reigned supreme over for the past few months. it was quiet, on the 4th floor, away from everybody working on group projects below. it was secluded, off in the corner. it had a nice charging block with multiple outlets available, and it had a pretty view of some trees with some sunlight that would warm you as day faded into night.

it was perfect. it was beautiful.

and it was currently being taken by some guy.

your eye twitched again. you debated shoving him out of your chair, or pouring your drink over his computer, or maybe just glaring at him and biting his shoulder like a rabid animal (the aforementioned crash out from above), but you recognize that starting and escalating an altercation is not productive, and also that a homicide charge won't add anything to your gpa.

so you sighed, resigned, before making your way to the empty table a few feet from Your Spot. but you decided to do some investigative research (read: spying) to figure out what could possibly be so important for this man to study that he needed to take Your Spot. you quickly peek over his shoulder, scanning for his notes and computer.

“net profit…statistical probability…essay for…”

your eye twitches again. statistical probability? net profit? no fucking way Your Spot was taken by a business major?? a finance bro? an absolute buffoon?? did they even have finals, other than a coloring page? 

fuck you, mysterious business guy. fuck you. 

you were just about to leave when your eyes left his desk-

-and locked eyes with him. 

he...he caught you staring!!

wait. no. you caught him stealing your spot, and then you decided to snoop a bit, rightfully so! he's in the wrong here!!

"um, do you need something?" he asked, an easy smile on his lips. 

his eyes were hazel with golden depths, and though his hair was messy and his eyes tired, you could still see the gleam of a piercing (and honestly, kind of hot) look to them. 

"...no," you say. 

"you can have this table, if you want," he said, beginning to pack up. "i'm almost done here anyway." 

"oh no, you don't have to-"

"but don't you sit here everyday to study?" he whispered, standing up. you realized just then how tall he was. 

you catch his words after a second (you were not distracted by the height difference!), and stare at him hard. "what are you, a stalker? how do you know where i sit?"

he shrugged, zipping up his bag and hoisting it onto his shoulder. "well you sit in the same spot on the same floor like clockwork every night, so it's kind of hard not to not notice."

you rack your brain, trying to remember if you ever saw a guy like him sitting nearby you in the library. it would be hard to forget someone who looked like him (respectfully, and because he is tall and for no other reason!!!), but for some reason, you couldn't remember seeing him at all. maybe he really was a stalker?? "well why did you decide to take my spot then anyway, stalker?" you huff, annoyed. 

he had started leaving by now, and brushed your shoulder on the way out. he looked over his shoulder with a smile full of charm. 

"because i wanted an excuse to talk to someone pretty like you, of course," he said with a grin. "see you next week."

he left his crush standing jaw open as he nonchalantly scurried away. jesus christ, he never realized just how hard his heart would beat when he spoke to you.

he liked how focused you looked when you worked on your assignments, or how your finger tapped restlessly against your pencil when you came across something difficult. it was just a little school crush, really, and he shouldn't be looking too much into it. but when he got to the library today and saw someone had stolen his spot a few tables away, meaning that he could sit in yours and get an excuse to talk to you...well, he was just a little bit giddy.

he opened the old groupchat from his high school days. a lot of his friends from nekoma were busy with their own lives, but they still kept in touch to this day.

kuroo: guess who go to talk to their crush todayyyy yaku: you finally gained the guts? wow, how impressive. i'm sure they're head over heels for you now. kai: congratulations on saying hi!! kenma: stalker kuroo: i hate all of you.

he couldn't contain his little giggle. maybe next time, he would have the confidence to ask to sit next to you.

[magpiepills]

Gemini

Rating: EXPLICIT 18+ MDNI

Pairing: Dave York x f! Reader x OC Em

Word count: 4.3k

Summary: you and your friend decide to have a little fun and get more than you bargained for.

Warnings: SMUT, FFM, oral f and m receiving, sex toys, fingering, degradation, facial, cum play, I can’t remember what else. You know what you’re here for. No use of y/n, not proofread, not beta’d, all mistakes are mine, just ignore them.

A word from the author: I have had this nearly complete in my WIPs for MONTHS. I can’t believe it is finally done. Dedicated to my girls (especially @youandmeand5bucks ) who know who they are. Love you so much, my sluts.

You made the agreement years ago. You don’t even remember how it started and it had always felt like a silly promise, an inside joke. You and your best friend would never fight over a man. If you ever liked the same guy, you’d just share him and live happily ever after as a throuple. You gleefully announced plans and goals for your hypothetical family of three often.

“We are going to have so many dogs!”

“Can we just make our bedroom one huge bed?”

“You cook, I’ll clean!”

It was comforting to have a plan, even if you never did find your third.

It was especially comforting when everyone either of you dated was a disappointment. Anger issues, hidden drug addictions, liars, and bad lays. The girls you’d dated were just as much of a let down as the guys. It was discouraging. Em didn’t fare much better. She’s had her own heartbreaks. Tonight finds you sitting at the Silver Dollar, a cozy bar where you can tuck into a booth and commiserate, clinking every glass together, sloshing your rum and cranberry, growing bolder and surlier. You’re making more plans. Em is leaning her forehead into her palm, looking dejected. You don’t want to see her like this.

“Em. Em! Em, let’s fuck somebody. Let’s have fun.”

She can hear the tone you get when you’re about to make a bad decision, but she just smiles without looking up.

“I’m serious! Why should we suffer?”

Your best friend looks up, to your delight, the gleam in her eyes matches yours.

“Alright. Yeah. Let’s fuck somebody.”

You may have squealed. You’ve had a threesome before. You’d agreed to sleep with your ex and his ex, against your better judgment, but you only live once, right? And you and Em had fooled around a bit. Something of a party trick. Maybe it was a tired cliche, but it did always heat things up to make out with your friend to the cheers and encouragement of the people around you. It never meant anything, so why not? You trust Em, she trusts you, and you know that no matter what, you’ll have each other if no one else.

Em ordered one more round while you touched up your lipstick, feeling electric. You had a nice buzz, feeling tingly and charming. Scooting over to sit on the same side of the booth as your friend, you began to scan the room, smiling, searching, leaning close to talk in Em’s ear, pointing out who would or wouldn’t work for your stress reliever. Maybe you’d never needed to invoke “the plan” before because you and Em rarely fell for the same types. Agreeing wasn’t going to be easy. There were big guys, barrel chested, bearded and loud, young, smug white guys who were almost certainly in “finance” or whatever, ball cap wearing plaid shirted bros who would probably spring for pizza after. None you could agree on. You had begun to think that the fantasy could be enough to get you by when a man strode by you, sidled up to the bar, and waved to the bartender with such a commanding presence that you and Em were both spellbound. You blinked at him, looked at each other, looked back to him, and watched as he took his drink and turned to survey the room before finding a spot to settle in.

He was handsome. You would guess he was in his mid forties, putting him roughly fifteen years ahead of you, not that you minded. He had thick brown curls, just slightly overgrown, beginning to show a hint of gray, and creases at the corners of his eyes. He was in a suit, but no tie. He had a ring on his left hand.

“Probably meeting his wife.” You huffed to Em, more disappointed than was probably necessary for the circumstances. Her smile had dropped as well though, and you turned back to your drinks. You wanted to be hoes, not homewreckers. Right?

Dave had seen you. He saw you smiling and laughing, grabbing each other’s hands as you talked. It was hard to miss your animated conversation. Hard to not notice your low cut dress and her snug tank top. You must be in your early thirties. Maybe mid thirties. Adults, but with some spark of youth and possibility left. Dave secured a glass of whiskey and found his vantage point- a high top table in the corner. He could easily see you, but you’d have to crane your necks to see him.

He pulled out his phone and typed a quick text. “Late meeting, won't be home for a while. Don’t wait up, love you.” and sent it to Carol. Carol, his unassuming wife and mother of his children. Always so understanding about his late nights at the office.

The Silver Dollar wasn’t really the place to dance, but there was a juke box and a pool table, so rather than call it a night, you sunk a few dollars into the machine and selected Dreams by Fleetwood Mac, the first few notes drawing mixed responses from the nearby crowd. You can’t make everyone happy.

Em chalked her pool stick and you racked the balls- was that the right word? Who cares? You made them look like a triangle and sang along to your song. “It’s only me who wants to wrap around your dreams…” you sang to yourself as you stood and turned. Your eyes landed on the handsome man once more. His eyes were on you, his glass tilted to his lips and you could swear he was smiling. He couldn’t be, though. You smiled with closed lips and turned away.

“Em. Look. Look. That guy is LOOKING at us.”

Always subtle, Em dropped the end of her pool cue to the floor, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and smiled right at him.

“Maybe he’ll come over! Looks like he’s alone.”

You ventured another look, and he was indeed all alone at his table, and he was definitely still looking your way. He didn’t look away as he sat down his glass and strode toward you.

“Good song, but you suck at pool.”

You scoffed at his opening line, annoyed that he was already being a dick and eager to hear more of his smooth, deep voice.

“Show us how it’s done then, babe. Put balls in holes and maybe my friend will give you a kiss. Keep you from saying anything dumb.”

If he can be an asshole, you can be an asshole.

“Deal.”

He regarded you for a moment, leaned over the sticky felt, and jabbed the cue forward. The white ball tapped the orange ball and the orange ball knocked the yellow ball into the side pocket. Of course it did. He looked at Em expectantly, and ever the good sport, she kissed him softly, giving his tie a little tug. His smile was infuriating.

“How about you, sweetheart? What do you want to wager?”

You thought about it, then winked at Em.

“Make another shot like that and I’ll kiss her.”

“You’d do that anyway. Think of something else.”

There he went being an asshole again. A confident, cocky, good-looking asshole.

“Alright, make three more shots and we’ll take you to the bathroom.”

His eyes glittered and the corner of his mouth lifted a tiny bit as he looked back and forth from you to Em, and Em to you.

“I’m going to make four shots and then we’re going back to mine.”

“That’s a pretty bold assumption. What makes you think we would leave with you?” Em was at your side now, arm around your waist, while you combed your fingers through her hair lightly. You could tell she didn’t mind his lousy personality. She never recognized a red flag. You liked his voice though, and his eyes were kind of nice. He had the nose of a Greek god. If she wanted to go home with him, why shouldn’t you indulge her? Safer to go together anyway.

“You came here just to go home with somebody. It’s either one of these guys,” he said, gesturing to the crowd that had gathered around a college basketball game on the tv “or it's someone who can make you come.”

“Alright, well that’s a lot of big talk. Move the balls and we’ll see what happens.

And he does. First one, then another and another and another. He does it quickly and as easily as if the balls had been pulled with string. He grins wide, showing his straight white teeth and how his eyes crinkle at the corners. He really is handsome. Maybe you’d be insufferable too if you were an attractive man. He slid his arm around you, pulling you close for a kiss that made your pussy throb. When he pulled away, he didn’t turn you loose, just smirked and pulled Em in for another just like it. You heard her moan softly into his mouth.

“Let’s go.” He snaps his fingers and tilts his head toward the door. “I’ll get a cab.” By the time your tab was settled at the bar, a black sedan was waiting. He opened the door for you, ushering you inside with a gloved hand, sealing your plans for the night.

••••••

His apartment was immaculately clean, with little in the way of personality. This was clearly not his home, and while that raised a few questions, neither you or Em thought it was wise to ask. You didn’t ask about the ring, either. You asked his name and he’d told you, but offered nothing more. Maybe you should have been more cautious, but his cool, detached demeanor, the car with a driver, the expensive looking coat and shoes he wore, and the way he smelled clean and well-off in an indescribable sort of way were enough to reassure you that he wasn’t planning to murder you. He didn’t look like a killer.

“Get comfortable. We’ll be a while.” Dave called from the kitchen where he poured wine into three glasses. You and Em each settled into a cushion on the couch, leaving room for him to sit in the middle. When he returned with the wine, he frowned.

“You’re still dressed. I told you to get comfortable. Take your clothes off.” You were a little taken aback at how blunt he was, but you began to unzip your dress. He stopped you again, more thoughtful this time. “Undress each other.”

Dave knew girls like you. Fun girls. Girls he could blow off steam with. You would think you were giving him the thrill of a lifetime, that you were in control. Exactly the kind of girls he liked to push to their limits and see what they were really game for. Would one of you be more bold than the other? Would one of you pout and feel left out? Maybe you’d surprise him. Maybe you’d be just what he was looking for.

Turning to Em, you exchange knowing looks and pull her tank top up, gathering the material in your hands, slowly exposing her inch by inch, taking time to rub your hands over each bit of newly exposed skin. You took extra care in lifting the skimpy top over her tits, pulling the hem snug as you inched it up, letting them bounce lewdly as they were freed. You snuggled close to her, tracing your fingers over her hardening nipples as she finished unzipping your dress, letting it fall. Em gently squeezed your breasts, pushing them up, kneading at the plush swell of them, daring to lean forward to take a nipple into her mouth.

Of course, this was all a show, a little put-on for Dave’s benefit. Pleased with yourselves, you turned to see his reaction. He had taken his place on the couch, tie loosened, shirt untucked,knees spread wide, eyes dark, and hands resting suggestively, dangerously close to the bulge that strained against his pants.

He raised his eyebrows. “Keep going. I said naked. This isn’t skinemax, ladies.”

“Sure looks like you’re enjoying it so far.” Em piped up from behind you as she slid her hands around your waist, tucking her fingertips into the lacy band of your panties, sliding her hands forward and down to cup your mound. You wiggled your hips and smirked at him, holding his gaze as you leaned back to catch your best friend’s lips in a soft kiss. His hips rocked ever so slightly but he only reiterated “Keep. Going.”

Soon her jeans and both your panties were on the floor and you kissed, groping at each other in the best impression you could do of over-produced porn. You were both wet, seeping arousal, taking turns caressing each other’s pussies. There was no real intent in your touches, it was all theater.The way Dave watched and moved his hand to cover the tent in his pants didn’t escape you. You could see him gently pressing it and squeezing it, you saw how his chest rose and fell. After Em had rubbed your slick onto your nipples and blew on them to make them stiffen, you dragged your fingers through her folds and sucked her taste from your fingers. You kissed her deeply. “Don’t you taste good, baby?” You cooed to her.

You watched as Dave stood and loosened his belt, pulling it from his belt loops in a way that made you throb. Dave had had enough of your simpering. “Alright, enough of that. Let’s see if you can listen and earn a little reward, hm? Think you can do that? You both nodded, batting your eyes at him. “Knees, both of you. Right here.” He gestured to the floor at his feet. You obediently kneeled, waiting for his next move. The air was buzzing with anticipation as you got between his knees. You were close, softly pawing at each other, bare breasts bumping together, pouting and kissing and running hands up his thighs. “You sluts do this a lot, huh? So hungry for cock you’re willing to do anything for it.” He grinned darkly as he unzipped his slacks to release his turgid member.

It was big. you stared at it a moment, lips falling open in awe. You looked to Em, but found her similarly stunned by the cock Dave had just pulled from his pants. You could tell he was well endowed, but it wasn’t just big, it was beautiful. Thick, tanned, with a prominent vein running up the underside to a mouthwateringly fat head that shone with precome. “It won’t suck itself.” Dave interrupted your thoughts.

You licked your lips subconsciously as you watched him stroke his length lazily. The glint of his wedding band, the smooth pull of foreskin covering and uncovering his fat, leaking tip. You yourself for a moment, but Dave brought you back. “You’d do anything I told you to, wouldn’t you? Dumb little whores. You can’t help yourselves.”

You blinked up at him, nodding shallowly. He raised an eyebrow at you, and the time to talk was over. You gripped the thick base and licked up the length of him. Em held his balls in her palm as you worked, licking and sucking up one side until she joined you, working in tandem to slick him up with your combined saliva, taking impatient turns sucking the tip into your mouths. You tried to kiss each other with his cock between your lips, letting him thrust into the wet tunnel made by your mouths as your tongues meet under his heavy shaft. Suddenly Em pulls away, kissing you hard before gripping your hair in her hand to guide Dave’s cock into your mouth. She strokes him while she fucks him with your mouth, looking from him to you, pleased with her little trick. Your mind was blank. You let the two of them use you like a toy and your cunt dripped, wetting your thighs. Dave leaned over you and wrapped his warm hand around the back of your neck. You couldn’t see what was happening, but you heard the unmistakable sound of kissing.

“That’s good girls. Great. But if you want a little surprise you have to go get it.”

“Go get it?” You asked dumbly, not understanding what he meant.

“It’s in the bedroom. Right down the hallway. Go ahead, the door’s open.”

You and Em stood and moved toward the dark hallway, but his voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Uh uh. On your knees. Want to see you crawl for me.”

Dave was smirking, but he just held out his hand, gesturing for you to go ahead of him. Another look is exchanged between you and your friend. You saw the flash of uncertainty in her eyes, but she followed suit as you dropped to your knees, arching your back to make a show of crawling as seductively as possible while Dave followed, watching the sway of your hips.

“Really didn’t expect to bring home a whore tonight, let alone two.”

You made it to his bed and you both sat on your knees, assuming a submissive position without even being told. Dave had that effect.

“You’re fast learners. I think you earned your prize. Treasure chest is under the bed, sweetheart. Pull it out.”

He directed Em with a jut of his chin as he untied his tie, then unbuttoned his shirt with care, laying it neatly on the dresser. As he worked to undress, Em pulled a black briefcase from under the bed. She popped the latches and lifted the top, revealing an array of vibrators and dildos and toys you’d only seen in porn.

You picked up a glass wand with a little pink heart on one end, and teased it between your tits.

“This is quite a collection, Dave…You know how to use all this?”

Dave was stripped down to just his snug black boxers now, pretty cock tucked away once more. He knelt down and took your chin in his big warm hand and spoke softly.

“I’m not going to use them. You are.” He turned to look at Em, smiling sweetly. “On her.”

It sent a chill up your spine. Where did this man come from? Where did he learn to talk like this? How often does he do this? He was unreal, you thought. Em was similarly affected, her eyes were shining obsidian, and her hand was between her thighs.

“You want that? Hmm?” He pouted at her mockingly. “Get on the bed and lay down.” You reached for a purple vibrator, but he grabbed your wrist. “I’ll pick. Go get between her legs.” You might have been nervous, but when you stood, he smacked your ass playfully, a mischievous smirk on his lips.

Em had made herself comfortable on his pillows, hair fanned out around her head, knees bent, and fingers dipping aimlessly into her slit. “You’re so pretty.” You cooed to her. “Look at you, sexy girl. You ready to let him watch me fuck you?” Em kissed you, quick and sweet, a reminder that this was something you both wanted. “I’m ready for you, baby. Better make me come.”

Dave brought his “treasure chest” to the bed and climbed on behind you. He was close. You could feel his breath on your shoulder before his hands were on your thighs, your belly, pinching your nipple, never staying in one spot long. “I want you to play with her tits.”

You climbed over your best friend forever, and kissed her again, more sensually this time. You plucked at her nipple, then licked the other.

“Suck and squeeze.”

Dave directed from his spot in the bed. You did as he said. You propped yourself up on your elbows and squeezed both her plush breasts, pushing them together and sucking her pebbled little peak. She sighed and you licked over to the other to give it the same treatment, licking, sucking, swirling your tongue over the point. You flexed your fingers, dimpling her flesh. Her sighs became whines, and she began to roll her hips beneath you. You were lost in her warmth, her sweet scent.

“Stop. That’s enough. You’re both wet, probably soaking my sheets. Think you can make her come now?”

He hands you a smooth purple vibrator, and presses a button to bring it to life, buzzing in your hands.

Dave shuffled on the bed for a better view as you drew the toy across Em’ mound, making her buck her hips.

“Look at her body begging for it,” he admired. “Lower.”

You caressed her slick lips, twisting the toy over her slit teasingly, not pressing, just letting her feel the weight. Em groaned and twisted Dave’s sheets in her fists.

“Touch your tits, pretty girl,” you cooed to her “let’s show him how good you can be.”

She did as you said, delicately skating her fingers around her nipples as you clicked the button to kick the vibe to a higher setting.

Dave held your hips with his big, warm hands as he watched you glide his toy through her folds. You drew it from where she dripped and up over her clit, making several slow passes, before pushing it inside, eased by her arousal. She gasped and pinched at her nipples as you fucked her on the toy. She chased the sensation, needy and unashamed of her desperation to come for you and for Dave.

You wanted so badly to please him.

His breath was warm on your neck, it made your nipples tighten and your pussy throb to be his plaything. You pressed the buzzing tip of the vibrator to her clit and plunged two fingers inside, pumping them deep. In moments she was undone, squeezing your fingers, bucking her hips, rasping your name, but her eyes were on him.

While you were making her come on your hand, he was exploring your body with his hands, feeling the weight of your breasts, caressing over your stomach, testing the wetness of your slick and dripping center. He coated his fingers in your wetness and brought them to your nipples, teasing the tender points before bringing his fingers to your mouth, letting you suck his three slippery fingers clean.

When Em’s moans died down to soft panting, he took the vibrator and tossed it aside.

“That’s enough,” he declared, turning you and arranging you between her legs. He pushed you against her, you felt the heat of her soft body against you, her arms circling you to pluck at your nipples and push your tits together, kneading and squeezing them for Dave to enjoy.

He watched a moment, shoving his boxers back down his thighs to stroke his cock, dark eyes moving from your tits to your shiny slick pussy, to her lips kissing your shoulder and neck.

“The two of you were made for this, weren’t you? Just two little sluts waiting for a man who knew what to do with you.”

You both nodded and turned your heads to kiss each other, letting your tongues tease at each other.

Dave pushed your legs up and apart, spreading you wide, exposing you. He made Em hold you open, her hands under your knees like he showed her.

The three of you moved against each other, with you sandwiched between them, Dave driving into you, slowly at first so you could feel every bit of the sting and stretch as he entered. He was thick and pulsing inside you, seated deep and snug, you needed him to move.

He drew back slowly, and you anticipated the returning thrust, but he didn’t stop. He pulled out and ground his wet cock against your swollen, sensitive folds, the thick head of him nudging at your clit, then suddenly piercing you again, sawing in and out.

He set a punishing pace, slamming into you deep and hard, with one hand on the back of your thigh, and the other on Em’s shoulder, holding her just where the column of her neck sloped down, and felt the rapid beat of her pulse under his hand as you keened pathetically.

The angle of his hips let you feel the rough scratch of the trimmed hair at the base of his cock against your swollen clit. Your orgasm burst, sparking and hot, rippling through your body and his.

“Fuck,” he sneered, teeth bared. “Oh fuck, yes, little whore pussy wants my come.”

He pulled out of you suddenly, leaving you fluttering around nothing as you came down, and quickly repositioned to take his wet cock in his fist and aim the warm ropes of milky spend across your face.

Cum covered your lips, your nose, your cheeks and chin. You tasted the mild, salty flavor on your tongue.

Dave watched with satisfaction at his work, and Em looked on in dazed awe. He looked between your faces. “Clean her up. Don't waste it.”

Em licked your cheek, timidly at first. You twisted to give her better access, and she dragged her soft tongue through Dave’s mess, spreading it, humming at the taste. She reached around your chest to hold your tits in her hands, squeezing them, playing with them as she licked the cooling semen from your face and kissed it into your mouth, sharing it with you for Dave’s enjoyment. When you were finally done, you turned to him, pleased with yourselves.

David showed you to his en-suite and you and Em cleaned yourselves up.

“That was…”

“Yeah.”

You giggled and whispered to each other, wiping your faces with Dave’s thick, soft washcloths. You patted down your fucked out hair, and left the apartment hand in hand, declining Dave’s offer of an Uber. With your shoes hooked on your fingers, you looked at your best friend.

“Want to get Taco Bell?”

[16sydd16]

For the AU game, por favor.

Maybe this is like a freaky Friday type swap. Where Regina is the kind, bubbly and super sweet one and Cady is more calculated, cold and bitchy. Regina is a nerdy teacher and Cady has the more cutthroat career in the industry of your choosing.

For this ask game!!

Regina, the sweet, geeky, and still insanely hot high school english teacher, enjoys reading shitty romance novels in her free time. She makes little editing marks in them, because she just can't help it. Cady finds them when they're early on in their relationship, calls her a nerd, and kisses the hell out of her. Regina kisses her back, but then spends the rest of the night justifying her corrections and explaining to Cady how the story could've been improved with simple edits. Cady listens with rapt attention and gives her lots of kisses in between each of Regina's very valid points.

Cady brings Regina to networking event and is surprised by Regina's confidence, and her knowledge of Cady's field. Regina admits that she spent a little time in college working on a finance degree before she stopped thinking about what others wanted for her and chose her own path instead. She completely charms at least three clients that Cady previously hadn't made any headway with, and Cady makes a mental note that Regina is never to be underestimated. She thanks her profusely in exactly the way you think.

There's a chronically ill student that was in Regina's AP Lit class last year, but they've had to quit attending school for health reasons. Regina goes to see them every week, for several hours, despite the fact that she's not currently one of their teachers and she's not getting paid. When Cady asks about it, Regina explains about the bus. About her own experience with homebound schooling during her junior year. About Mrs. Norbury, a teacher who made all the difference for Regina herself. Cady buys lots of sweet treats for Regina to take with her and share. (For this AU, I'd say Cadina met in their mid 20s).

Cady surprises Regina with lunch one day, and the kids are... intrigued. Mrs. Heron is a lesbian? (I just decided Cadina is married oops.) They ask questions about Cady all day once she leaves, and Regina promises to get her to come for the career day panel, or something.

Regina is the best dressed high school teacher ever. She owns several pantsuits, and she has an impressive sneaker collection. Even when she's coaching basketball, she dresses like a star. Cady dresses like a finance bro (khaki joggers on her off days😷) until Regina saves her.

Thanks so much for the ask!!

[lemonhemlock]

Hiiii lemon 👋🏻

I was trying to make an oc for Cersei and Jamie and talked about it with a couple friends to bounce ideas with and they all had the same thing to say "you really think Cersei would love someone!? she literally killed Melara for daydreaming about Jamie..." And this kinda made me a bit...

Anywayyyyy personally I think yes Cersei can be delusional, heartless... But that's part of her charm !!! And really people would not be as harsh on her if she was a man.

Like imagine a boy killing his bestie over liking his sister/lover... People would call that a romantic gesture lol.

Which is why I'm here to ask what would you personally do if you were making Cersei/Jamie a female love interest.

Hi, anon! There's quite a lot to unpack in your message. Cersei and Jaime could have the potential to love other people. But certainly their insular upbringing and dysfunctional family made them overly reliant on each other to the point of co-dependency. So I think that if you want to create realistic OCs for them, you should give them traits that tend to their greatest needs or inadequacies.

For Cersei, it's perhaps more easily identifiable the kind of husband who could make her happy - it's basically who she imagines Rhaegar to be. A noble, handsome, gallant young man who would be devoted to her, treat her kindly and involve her in his daily political dealings. Both Cersei and Jaime struggle with gender roles. Cersei wants to be considered a leader and valued for something other than her reproductive abilities, she wants to be respected and not discarded the replaced the minute her body becomes "irrelevant". So power-sharing with a husband who values her personhood and intelligence would help to heal her accumulated trauma. What Cersei yearns for in a partner is not so different than what any woman would wish for herself.

With Jaime, it's more complicated, because you somehow how to prevent him from joining the Kingsguard. Because 1. he would not be able to have a functional relationship when his vows are in direct contradiction and 2. if Cersei is still Queen somehow in this AU, he'd only be miserably sniffing around her skirts, entangling himself in her business, getting inevitably jealous and miserable and keeping her from taking her marriage seriously. Other than that, Jaime has no true interest in politics and he bores easily, so an ideal wife for him would be one with good social and administrative skills, who could handle the tasks Jaime would consider tedious in his position as (eventual) ruler of Casterly Rock. He also has a quick with and is quite funny, so I think he couldn't be truly content if his wife didn't share those qualities. So, IDK, some combination between Sansa and Aunt Genna. :))

Ultimately, I think they could really only reach a true level of contentment if their spouses help them fulfill their societal roles. They're too entrenched in their identities as Lannisters to ever run off to the Free Cities and do whatever and too comfortable to renounce all privileges and live the lives of regular peasants or merchants. Feudalism offers few opportunities that provide safety and comfort; they can't exactly became finance bros or get a job at the business factory to support themselves or engage in some other bullshit activity that's little work and high reward, so staying in the socio-economic sphere of their rich family is their best bet.

Cersei has this fantasy of swords and mail, but she wouldn't have been happy as a knight, with the pushback that comes with true non-conformity. Equally, Jaimie already did what he wanted and eschewed his role as heir, but life as a perpetual knight doesn't seem to bring him satisfaction either. They're not revolutionaries out to dismantle the status-quo and campaign for change, but, in the absence of that, society is not going to just simply accommodate their idiosyncrasies just because it's them. And they don't really like it either when they find out the world doesn't bend around their wishes! (affectionate)

[f0point5]

omg!! which girl do you identify with the most?? what are your opinions on the men (mainly big, but also interested to hear about the other men)? what are your opinionsssss i just finished it for the first time and i'm obsessed

Back when I first watched it I thought Samantha. As I’ve got older definitely more Charlotte. I would say I’m still a mix of the two. I’m a traditionalist like Charlotte but I’m more like Samantha in terms of my humour and lack of filter 😂

When I watched the series the first time I loved Big. Rich, charming, way too old for me - just my type. I am embarrassed looking back. I mean he’s just…Peter Pan. He’s Nate Archibald, a finance bro…he’s The ultimate situationship. He’s every guy who despite their narcissistic sense of self importance knows they aren’t worthy of the women they want (the Natashas of the world) but they try anyway. But those women don’t worship them enough, they don’t make him feel special because she’s the equal he asked for but in reality can’t handle. Those women force him to own up to his own irrelevance, they make him realise he’s not actually Patrick Bateman, he’s just a guy. And that feeling of inadequacy leads them to settle for the girls like Carrie who give them that adoration they crave. Except the Carries aren’t what they really want or what their narcissistic mind tells them they deserve, so they punish them with poor treatment, and keep trying ensnare the Natashas but can’t live up to the men they pretend to be so they hurt the Natashas too and return to the Carries out of self loathing. Let me tell you, there’s Bigs everywhere. And they’re small. They’re the smallest men who ever lived.

Aiden was just a Carrie to Carrie. The thing she settled for when she need to feel special because Big took all the power away from her. Insecure and a doormat. Hate him.

Harry is THE MVP like the way this man just absolutely killed it at every turn I cannot 😭😭😭

Steve was the perfect guy for someone, but not Miranda imo. Genuinely good guy and she didn’t deserve him. She resented everything about him. She liked the little things about him and not the big things and that’s really sweet when you’re 19 but I don’t know how you build a marriage off the fact that you like his quirks. Idk I did not get their opposites attract thing at all.

I feel like both Samantha and Carrie had too many seasonal guys to remember. I do remember Burger though and all I can say is that Burger was Carrie’s karma. He was her taste of the tortured artist crap she made everyone else endure the whole time. That needy emotional disregualtion was what everyone in her life put up with and that was her comeuppance.

Oh and the Russian. The Russian. I can’t even…that man did not feel real to me. He honestly feels like a fever dream. He was the only long term character that felt so incredibly fictional to me. There were traces of things I recognise, but the most real thing about him was the way Carrie changed around him. That was like…almost dark to witness. Because haven’t we all seen that happen? A friend hooks up with someone markedly more mature or sophisticated than them and their whole essence seems to dull. I didn’t even like Carrie’s essence but the way that man sucked it out of her was palpable. But like…why was he so weird? Why did he behave like that? He was just so…dry? But also a wet blanket? But also just someone who did not have the charm to act like he did. Like I LOVE an old rich man and even I would not have dated that guy he was so icky.

That show was such a moment in time though. I sort of wish we had something like that for the modern era but also don’t because you can’t make shows that authentic and simultaneously unrealistic anymore.

It’s such a trip to watch in the digital age though 😂

I popped off a bit here hope you don’t mind

[byenycfm]

Sada Vang || 50 || #308 || Lucy Liu || Closed

Personality:

Sada Vang could be called a sociopath. She cares little for other people, gives little thought to their thoughts or feelings outside of how it impacts her or how she can use it to her advantage. She can be charming and disarming when it suits her, but she also has no qualms in stabbing someone in the back and stepping on their corpse with her designer boots to get what she wants. She has no qualms with hurting others if it serves her in some way, and is not at all squeamish when it comes to 'getting people out of her way'.

Biography:

Born to a drug addicted mother in New York, Sada was abandoned from the moment she was birthed as her mother left the hospital without warning a day after, never to be seen again. Born addicted to the same drugs as her mother and with a name given by one of the nurses who'd delivered her and a government employee, Sada Vang entered life straight into the system. From the get go it was noted by her foster families that even as an infant she rarely cried, and by the time she was a toddler they were noting her lack of affection, disregard for other's feelings, and a tendency to hurt the other children in the homes.

By the time she was ten she'd been in twice as many homes as years to her name, and by sixteen she'd walked away from the system altogether. Spending a year on the street, she eventually managed to procure a fake ID and a job in one of the more prestigious gentleman's clubs in the city. With her boundless confidence and easy handle on her sexuality and sex appeal, Sada rose quickly in ranks among the dancers, earning top dollar on the side through trysts, affairs, and a hint of blackmail with the city's affluent men. By her eighteenth birthday money was no longer problem, but as a gift, the owner of the club brought her in on his 'back door' enterprise.

Thriving as much in handling the back of forth of drugs through the club as she did dancing in it, her reputation became an open secret among the city's wealthiest. On her twenty-first birthday she semi-retired from dancing, instead managing the club and it's less legal operations with the occasional performance for shits and giggles and special occasions. For her thirtieth birthday, the club's owner decided to retire himself, being bought out by his now partner, Sada. Twenty years later and Eden's Garden remains by far the top Gentleman's club for the 1%, and a hefty percentage of the drugs coming into the city passed through her. Ridiculously wealthy in her own right, no one could ever say that Sada Vang wasn't a success story.

The day of the outbreak, the club was empty preparing for Sada's massive 50th birthday blow out, and she'd been in making sure everything was exactly the way she wanted it. For a long time she wasn't even aware anything was going on until her former employer called to tell her to get home. By that time it was too late and just opening the door had brought an attack down on her, one laid to rest with the heel of a well placed stiletto through the temple of a snarling finance bro. Locking herself inside, that's where she stayed with enough food, alcohol, and drugs to keep her occupied until the power finally cut. Seemed it was time to finally start the trek back to The Wexley and the comfort of her waiting loft with a duffle bag of 'supplies'.

Pre Outbreak Occupation:  Strip Club Owner/ Drug Dealer Previous Zombie Experience: Killing multiple zombies on her way to The Wexley from her club Eden's Garden. Martial Status:  Single Children:  NA Residence: Loft #1003 Years residing at The Wexley: 15 Years Connections: 

Rhiannon Wells - Former 'Employee'

Jeremiah Rose - Employee

JP Rose - Employee

Ashton Ryder - Ugly, meddling, pain in the ass

Zach Sanders - Acquaintance

[finniestoncrane]

your fics have turned my brain into mush finnie. i was thinking last night how i'm like, the furthest thing from someone that would be matched with ozzie depite my huge crush - i'm a shy hermit woman working towards a career in domestic violence services, i'm very sensitive (let's be honest i'm a crybaby), and wear unassuming clothes because i don't make enough for the wardrobe i'd like to have.

but then i had a dream that ozzie somehow was charmed by me after my friends dragged me out of my crazy workload, and since i'm humble to a fault and try to refuse gifts, the DV shelter i spend my time at mysteriously began receiving tons of donations bc if he can't spoil me traditionally he can show his love by spoiling a place i care about... i have brainrot level 1 million bro 😭

(baby ok me too i doubt he'd want some nasty lookin little gremlin like me and also i know he'd be into a thick girl but specifically not the type of thick i am and also i am a hassle and a pain in the ass so you're definitely above me in the list regardless my sweet but also who cares it's our fantasy! 💚)

ANYWAY this is the nicest thing ever ;-; can you even imagine, he seems like exactly the type of boy who would do that, this old man hiring women and protecting them with workplace benefits, taking on men who have had a shit time and letting them learn a skill like bartending or finance or secretarial work i dunno I AM RAMBLING

but i can see him donating a lot of money to a lot of causes, secretly, because no one needs to know he's soft. offering you gifts, being so hurt when you refuse them, thinking it's your way of rejecting him politely like "don't spend your money on me i'm not interested" and deciding that yeah, you might not be interested in him, but you still deserve something nice. so he funds the whole place, funds permanent staff, security, high quality everything not just the bare minimum quality. and never ever admits that it was him 🐧💜

the brainrot is ridiculous honestly if i don't fuck that old man, and i obviously won't, i am going to SCREAM EVERY DAY

[spellbindingnights]

The Hargreaves family

Patriarch: Howard Hargreaves - fc: Jeff Bridges (NPC)

Texan

Charming

Ruthless

Unscrupulous

Hot temper

Womanizer

Straight

First ex wife: Tatiana Balakirev - fc: Michelle Pfeiffer (NPC)

Russian

Cold

Former model

Loyal

Still gets along with Howard who supports her luxurious lifestyle

Straight

Current wife: Eleanor Heargreaves née Davenport - fc: Cate Blanchett

Born in Georgia

Callous

Vindictive

Fashion designer

Charming

Tough

Resourceful

Bisexual

First son: Bradford ‘Brad’ Hargreaves - FC: Travis Fimmel

Son of Tatiana

Common sense

Slow pace and chill

Ranch life but still acts rich and takes advantage of his privileges 

Hates the city

Cornell University’s College of Agriculture and Life Sciences

Straight

Twins: 

Oldest twin: Huxley Hargreaves - fc: Boyd Holbrook

Son of Tatiana

Cocky

Smart

Harvard Business School

Rebel

Finance bro/Wolf of Wall Street

Drugs

Party

Closeted bisexual

Youngest twin: Margaret Hargreaves - fc: Evan Rachel Wood

Daughter of Tatiana

Republican senator

Ruthless

Cerebral

Pragmatic

Harvard Kennedy School 

Bisexual

Fourth son: Royce Hargreaves - fc: Michiel Huisman

Son of Eleanor (she got pregnant when Howard was still married to Tatiana)

Yale Law School

Player

Trickster

Charming

Lobbyist

Bisexual

Fifth daughter: Eliza Hargreaves - fc: Margot Robbie

Daughter of Eleanor

Cunning

Self centered

Ambitious

Yale University

Daddy’s girl

PR Consultant

Bisexual

[eryiss]

Eryiss Fanfiction: 2022 - Present

2017 - 2021 Fanfics

Multi Chapters & Long Shots

The Liar Prince Of Fiore (Freed x Laxus) - Ongoing

Laxus knew Freed better than anyone else, but everyone had secrets. With Freed's secrets laid bare. his past life of royalty, titles and expectations come back to haunt him. Laxus makes a promise to protect him. For as long as necessary, he will play the role of Freed's husband. It might have been easy, if Laxus didn't wish so much for their lie to be true. [Canon Divergent AU | Ongoing]

Capture The Moment (Freed x Laxus) - 5/4/2022

Struggling with his college finances, Freed takes a job as the wrestling team's social media operator. It would be an easy job, if it weren't for the hot, cocky, spandex clad wrestling captain. Laxus Dreyar turns Freed's live upside-down, and Freed doesn't mind at all. [Modern College AU | Complete | 54k Words]

One Shots SFW

Thoughts On A Guillotine (Freed Centric) - 17/11/2022

Freed would do anything to complete a mission, including letting himself be captured and tortured if it could get him the intel he needed. But that doesn't mean he has no limits. When pushed to them by a group of slave traders, Freed reveals just how twisted his own mind can be. [Canon Divergent | 3.5k Words]

Tell Me Lies (Freed x Laxus) - 5/11/2022

Laxus returns to the guild to find Freed under the influence of a truth spell, which forces him to answer all questions truthfully and as fully as he can. Laxus takes it upon himself to help Freed navigate the potential embarrassment the spell can cause, but his own crush on Freed and a slip of the tongue might change their relationship forever. [Canon Divergent | 5k Words]

Captains Don't Kiss (Freed x Laxus) - 21/7/2022

An uneasy alliance between pirates. A common enemy. A silent agreement not to talk about what happens at night. Freed and Laxus are in an unfamiliar situation, but can they survive it together? [Fraxus Week 2022 | Pirate AU | 5.7k Words] Gold, In Triplicate (Freed x Laxus) - 20/7/2022

High off his Olympic victory, Laxus wakes up in his dorm with the hazy memory of a man by his side. He consigned it to the past, but twitter had other ideas. [Fraxus Week 2022 | Olympic AU | 4.1k Words]

False Love's Kiss (Freed x Laxus) - 19/7/2022

Playing the lead roles in Broadway's Beauty & The Beast wasn't Laxus' idea. Neither was all the practice kissing. And that's all it was. Practice. Right? [Fraxus Week 2022 | Theatre AU | 5.5k Words]

The Perils Of Matchmaking (Freed x Laxus) - 18/7/2022

Freed knew he and Laxus couldn't last, and he was meant to marry someone else. But, at his engagement party, he realises the mistake he's made. But is it too late? [Fraxus Week 2022 | Medieval AU | 5.6k Words] The Demon's In The Detail (Freed x Laxus) - 17/7/2022

Ivan Dreyar needed to die, and Laxus was going to make it happen, even if he needed to sell his soul to an annoyingly charming demon to do it. [Fraxus Week 2022 | Occult AU | 5.1k Words]

Bromance In The Blackout (Freed x Laxus) - 16/7/2022

Freed and Laxus were friends. Platonic. Bros. At least that's what they used to be, before they got trapped in the library together. [Fraxus Week 2022 | High School AU | 3.5k Words]

Not Enough Time In The World (Freed x Laxus) - 15/7/2022

Freed's job is to travel through time, stopping people from disrupting the timeline. It was fun work, until he met a renegade chasing him through time. A renegade named Laxus Dreyar. [Fraxus Week 2022 | Time Travel AU | 7.7k Words]

A Certain Kind Of Sense (Freed x Mard Geer) - 6/2/2022

The Raijinshuu didn’t really understand Freed's relationship with Mard Geer. It just didn’t make sense. But Freed seemed happy, so they should just accept it. What they absolutely not do was spy on them. So of course, that’s what they all do. [Canon Divergent | 3.5k words]

Two Types Of Lovers (Freed x Gray | Bickslow x Natsu) - 21/1/2022

Natsu and Bickslow hooked up on their first night together, and found an instant connection in each others' beds. Freed and Gray took things slower, with gentle kisses and stolen glances. Two couples with different dynamic, enjoying each other's bodies on the same night. [Modern AU | Word Count 4k]

Two Types Of Dates (Freed x Gray | Bickslow x Natsu) - 19/1/2022

Long distance relationships can be hard, but they're making it work. With Freed visiting Gray and Natsu visiting Bickslow, the two new couples have plans to catch up with what they've missed and make the best of their time together. [Modern AU | Word Count 2.9k]

King Of His Fantasies (Freed x Mard Geer) - 15/1/2022

In moments like this, Freed put himself in the mercy of Mard Geer. The demon took his pleasures and Freed did as he was told. But this was the first time Freed had followed his master's demands outside of their shared dreams. Surrounded by mirrors, with toys and demands to keep him obedient, Freed will do as he is told. No matter what. [Canon Divergent | Word Count 3.5k]

King Of His Nightmares (Freed x Mard Geer) - 12/1/2022

Freed was a pragmatic man, so ending up with the demon king Mard-Geer Tartarus went against his nature. Even that ignored the fact Mard lived only in Freed's mind, that Freed was falling for Mard, and that he had no idea how Mard felt about him. A list of problems, without an obvious solution. Fate, it seemed, had a violent and terrifying answer to set Freed's mind at ease. [Canon Divergent | 3.5k]

Keeping Promises (Freed x Laxus) - 7/1/2022

When he returned from excommunication, Laxus made a promise to always help those he cared for. So when Freed returned to the guild half dead, Laxus was the one to help him recover, even if there had been a distance between them recently. But with things to say, apologies to make, and attraction to contend with, maybe being Freed's carer is exactly what Laxus needs. [Canon Divergent | 9.5k Words]

Dealing With Something New (Freed x Gajeel | Evergreen x Levy | Bickslow x Gildarts) - 5/1/202

In a quiet moment, Gajeel and Freed see each other in a way they'd never considered before. Attraction hits them with sudden fury, and both men don't know what to do. So, what else can be done but going to their friends? And, their friends' unexpected partners, apparently. [Canon Divergent | Thunder Legion Rare Pair Week | 4.5k Words]

A Public Celebration (Freed x Natsu) - 4/1/2022

Professional footballers Natsu and Freed have been dating in secret for months. When they win the championship match, Natsu is filled with an overwhelming energy and desire to kiss his boyfriend in front of the camera, the crowd, and and world. And he's not exactly known for impulse control, is he? [Modern AU | Thunder Legion Rare Pair Week | 1.5K Words]

Love Of The Zodiac (Freed x Loke) - 3/1/2022

Loke and Freed had been dating for a while when Loke stumbled on the paper. Freed had been seeing how he conformed to Leo traits? How cute. And what a perfect opportunity to see what Zodiac traits his darling Prince had. And, maybe confess his love as well. Who knows? [Canon Divergent | Thunder Legion Rare Pair Week | 2.5k Words]

Hypnosis & Bubbles (Freed x Lyon) - 2/1/2022

In the circus, gossip is wild. So when Lyon maybe fell in love with Freed at first sight, he knew people would start interfering and trying to get them together. But, what he didn't know was that it wouldn't matter, because he could handle things himself. [Modern AU | Thunder Legion Rare Pair Week | 2.5k Words]

Sleep Makes For Secrets (Freed x Mystogan) - 1/1/2022

Mystogan made an effort not to make an impact on the people of Earthland, and as such couldn’t take not of anyone. But now, each time he enters the guild, he sees a beautiful man with green hair, and he can’t seem to forget him. [Canon Divergent | Thunder Legion Rare Pair Week | 4.2k Words]

One Shots NSFW

Online, On Cam, On All Fours (Freed x Laxus) - 25/6/2022

Freed became a camboy to get himself through college, but his online fame blew up and he grew to love it. The only issue was his boyfriend of two months didn't know. Not until he walked in on Freed on all fours, mid show, dressed in a playboy bunny costume. Needless to say, Freed didn't need to worry about Laxus' reaction. Not at all. [College AU | NSFW | 4.6k Words]

Call Me Master (Freed x Laxus) - 12/2/2022

Laxus has taken to his role as guildmaster well, but there's one more thing he needs. Freed has yet to call him Master. But he'll change that; and if it takes teasing, a firm hand, and just a little humiliation, then so be it. [Canon Divergent | 2.2k Words]

[the-most-humble-blog]

🔥 Feel Like Complimenting a Woman at Work AND Being Unattractive?

You Deserve the HR Visit, You Idiot. 💀

💀 Breaking News: If you’re ugly, socially awkward, or not in the top 10% of men, you might want to think twice before dropping a casual, “Hey, nice dress.” Because guess what? That sh*t is harassment if you’re not Chad.

1️⃣ Compliments Only Count If You’re Hot (The Unwritten Rule of HR)

❌ Attractive CEO compliments a woman’s new hairstyle → “Omg, he’s so charming.” ❌ Tall, fit gym bro says “Nice outfit” → “He’s just being friendly.” ❌ Socially awkward IT guy politely says the same thing → “This is making me uncomfortable.”

✔ If she’s into you, it’s flirting. ✔ If she’s NOT into you, it’s f*cking creepy.

💀 The workplace isn't about professionalism—it's about attraction politics.

2️⃣ The Fastest Way to an HR Report: Be Unattractive and Speak

🚨 Want to get written up before lunch? Try this sh*t: ✅ Be under 5’8 and say “You look nice today.” ✅ Have an average salary and say “That color suits you.” ✅ Be socially awkward and try to join in a conversation.

Congratulations! You’ve now made a woman feel "unsafe"—hope you enjoy your mandatory HR sensitivity training.

🔥 Meanwhile, that 6’3 finance bro with a beard just called her "adorable," and now they’re getting drinks after work.

3️⃣ The Modern Workplace is Tinder in Disguise

💀 Women don’t actually hate male attention—they just hate attention from men they don’t want. 💀 HR doesn’t enforce professional boundaries—it enforces attraction-based filtering. 💀 Workplace “harassment” is now just a blurred line between who’s hot and who’s not.

✔ If you think being “nice” protects you, you’re f*cking naive. ✔ If you think “respect” gets you points, you’re playing the wrong game. ✔ If you think HR is neutral, you’re about to find out otherwise.

🔥 The only real strategy? Shut the f*ck up, do your job, and let Chad handle the compliments.

4️⃣ What to Do Instead (So You Don’t Get #MeToo’d Over Saying “Nice Shoes”)

✔ Only compliment coworkers if they compliment you first. ✔ If she seems to flirt with you, assume it’s a workplace trap and don’t engage. ✔ If you’re not a conventionally attractive man, don’t even attempt small talk. ✔ If you’re an average guy? Assume everything you say is a potential HR risk.

🚨 Because let’s be real: "harassment" is just workplace rejection enforcement.

🔥 Final Verdict: Stop Being Dumb—The Workplace Isn’t Safe for Average Men

✔ If you’re hot, you can compliment her. ✔ If you’re ugly, don’t even f*cking think about it. ✔ HR isn’t about fairness—it’s about filtering out men who aren’t desirable.

🔥 Now? Just keep your mouth shut, king. Let Chad risk the HR complaints. 🚀🔥

🔥 REBLOG if you’ve seen this sh*t happen at work.

💬 COMMENT if you’ve ever witnessed the “hot guy exemption” in real-time. 🚀 FOLLOW for more brutally honest workplace survival guides.

[icarianncarrionn]

🐆 (for the randomised muse pairings meme and maximum chaos)

I did a lot of these I was having fun.

João - Daevi: getajobstayawayfromher.jpg (this would actually be very easy to do, Daevi is a very savvy businesswoman, they’d be simple to put in proximity to each other if she’s planning/hosting a corporate event through her dad’s events business.) (She’s also A Bitch which is always fun.)

Cass - Dino: getajobstayawayfr- fuck I just did this joke. I love Dino I really do and I could definitely see a annoying but charming guy bothers woman who is infinitely more capable than him plot here. Maybe she can beat some of the finance bro out of him.

Vaneza - Rosie: this is kinda hard because I have not used Rosie yet, she’s very much a Concept, but I could absolutely see Vaneza breaking into a morgue to follow a story and the awkwardness that follows.

Paulo - Geetha: Forget the job just leave her ALONE No idea how this would happen, but it would either be really lovely to everyone involved or an absolute world shattering nightmare. Geetha truly is like if a perpetually startled deer was a gifted pediatric surgeon until she is under sufficient pressure and then she is maybe the most competent woman alive, and I don’t know how he would handle that.

Niamh - Geetha: This could actually be really rough bc of the potential ways for them to meet and the tension inherent in Geetha trying to keep death away from her patients at the expense of everything else in her life and now I’m ✨sad✨

Miguel - Tisha: Hm. No. Bad. Would not be friends. Would do very poorly being in the same room. Tisha is basically human so I don’t think that she would run into issues with him for herself but like. Yikes™️

Anya - Flo: Flo is also very much a test muse/A Concept but she is a scruffy fiddle player and I think that combo could be pretty fun actually.

Alex - Hari: Maybe he could figure out what’s wrong with this man.

[passagesofthepluricosm]

Stonewall University

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61882270/chapters/158230003

Name: Lizzy Holloway

Sexuality: Pansexual

Gender: Cis woman (she/her)

Age at Start of Story: 18

Relationship: Eventually dating Carmen

Status: First-year journalism student

Hair: Wavy, blonde, midway down back

Eyes: Green

Skin: Peach

Body: Small

Personality: Friendly, happy, enthusiastic, adventurous, optimistic, playful, has a hero complex

Name: Carmen Kaiser

Sexuality: Lesbian

Gender: Cis woman (she/her)

Age at Start of Story: 22

Relationship: Eventually dating Lizzy

Status: First-year undecided student

Hair: Short, straight, black, covers left eye

Eyes: Bright blue

Skin: Pale, scarred, tattooed, pierced

Body: Tall, thin

Personality: Aloof, brooding, cynical, distant, shady past

Name: Annie Perrodon

Sexuality: Queer

Gender: Trans woman (she/her)

Age at Start of Story: 18

Relationship: Dating Le Fonte

Status: First-year linguistic student

Hair: Short, black, curly, dreadlocks

Eyes: Dark brown

Skin: Black

Body: Tall, plump

Personality: Shy, awkward, high-strung, anxious, try-hard, Team Mom, gentle, caring

Name: Le Fonte

Sexuality: Queer

Gender: Nonbinary (they/them)

Age at Start of Story: 18

Relationship: Dating Annie

Status: First-year engineer student

Hair: Short, spiky, sticks up, dyed orange

Eyes: Gold (contacts)

Skin: Peachy

Body: Short, plump

Personality: Excited scientist

Name: Summers

Sexuality: Pansexual

Gender: Genderqueer (they/them)

Age at Start of Story: 20

Relationship: Single, Lizzy used to have a crush on them

Status: Third-year political science and sports management double major

Hair: Long, wavy, dyed red-orange

Eyes: Gray

Skin: Brown

Body: Tall, thin, uses wheelchair

Personality: Friendly, charming, brave, protective, leaderly, Paralympics enthusiast

Name: Dirk Keggory

Sexuality: Straight (Questioning)

Gender: Cis man (he/him)

Age at Start of Story: 18

Relationship: Single, crushing on Summers

Status: First-year business/finance student

Hair: Short, messy, brown, sticks up in the front

Eyes: Brown

Skin: Brown

Body: Tall, average build

Personality: “Confused but got the spirit” frat bro, ally