#finally my art looks icon-able enough... i am WINNING!!

[crescentfool]

drew yuwi for @fwishfearme 💙 (ft. ahki from @cinnamon-quails and also.. my squid.. LOL)

[i-live-here-in-my-house]

THE END OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL WORLD | ERROR sans VS sonic.exe (Undertale AU VS Sonic Creepypasta)

Connections and other details under the cut

Connections

Two "dark and edgy" fan made versions of characters who's original versions are well known for their laid-back and cool demeanor. Also they both have weird eyes, with Error's right and left eyes looking completely different from eachother, and exe's being completely black, always bleeding, and only having red dots for pupils. They are both invaders into comparatively kind and gentle worlds who intend to end the lives of everyone and thing within simply because they believe said world to be beneath them for some reason or another. They contrast in that, even though he believes he's doing the right thing by destroying what he deems as bad timelines and universes, Error sans still feels incredible amounts of guilt for the likely thousands if not millions he's killed. Meanwhile sonic.exe revels in playing with its victims and the senseless wonton violence it commits.

Fight details and dynamics

I would want the fight to be animated with sprites, with close ups and action shots being done hand drawn, similar to how the DB team did fights like Gojo v Makima or the recent Among Us v Fall Guys.

I imagine that the battle would start with Error arriving in a world that's in the process of being destroyed by exe, who's in the process of mutilating a flicky. With Error saying something along the lines of him preferring to stick to worlds and timelines he's got a personal connection with, but will make an exception to take out exe. Exe would then teleport inches away from him, laugh in his face, and say something along the lines of him being a fool to try and kill a God. With the fight then starting proper there.

In my mind the fight would be a game of keep away, with Error trying to stop exe from getting close enough to him to be able to do any serious damage to him with his strings, bones and blasters; due to exe being far more physically powerful than him in terms of strength. With plenty of angry cocky banter between them both.

As for who would win? It's honestly a bit of a tough call... it's pretty hard scaling characters like them due to lack of a consistent original source material with them both being fan characters that have been adopted into a wider community to the point where there's no one original source to look to in order to figure out how powerful they are. Given that, however, I think I would probably give the edge to exe here.

He's consistently shown to be far more willing to go for a kill whenever he can just for the fun of the hunt. If he seriously felt that Error was even a slight threat I have little doubt he would waste little time and take him out without mercy. While Error does have certain abilities that could arguably win the battle quite quickly, he'd need to be fast enough to hit exe with them, and well... I doubt I need to explain how unlikely it is to catch any kind of Sonic off guard.

If I hard to guess how the battle would end I would imagine Error finally having exe on the back foot, attempting to use his strings to reach into exe's body and destroy his SOUL. However all he would find would be the shattered remains of the original Sonic's SOUL. This startling Error for just long enough for exe to finally get it's opening, teleporting once again in front of Error with its blood soaked glove wrapping around the front of Error's skull. With him doing his iconic laugh and saying something along the lines of "Surprised Skeleton? And why would you be? A God has no need for a soul! And I AM GOD." With him then squeezing Error's head until it shatters into pieces, exe letting out yet another laugh as he turns to look into the camera, his grin widening as he looks at the viewer.

Creation/art details

Art in the thumbnails is by Loverofpiggies here on tumblr and ScortchVx on Newgrounds respectively!! Absolutely go check them both out!! Both of them make great stuff!!

The track art was the first one I had ever made, and man was it ambitious lmao. But even then I couldn't be happier with how well it came out given my skill level when I made it. Were I to redo it I'd likely swap Error's and exe's positions so their positioning would still make sense if you thought about it for longer than a second. That and the font I used for the bottom half of the title. The more I look at it the less fitting it feels to me...

[kyuummie]

I am absolutely insane abt c!TNT duo, and don’t have anyone irl talk to abt them :[. Pls info dump to me abt c!TNT duo and pls bestow upon me any and all c!TNT duo headcanons that u have. It’d absolutely make my day (also, ur pretty cool and I like ur Tumblr)

i am SO mad i had entire PARAGRAPHS OF AN ANSWER to this but it didnt save as a draft. TWICE. Anyways i finally decided to check my inbox..!!!!!!!!!!

And thank you! im not creative when it comes to hcs so heres ramble about metaphors and comparisons that are canonical/headcanon for ctntduo. Would base this on canon divergent interpretations but Nah

1- yin/yang

very obvious. “he is my yang”. recognizable and iconic. Two opposites which bring harmony. self perpetuating cycle of two interconnected sides.

the self perpetuating part is very important. it has always been established that they have a push and pull for everything, because they relish in the other’s reactions and its almost instinct. it all started this way too, their upbringing puts them in a very strange position slash relationship. they “balance” each other out — rather,, they teeter on a tightrope keeping them entertained and enabled . they are sides of the same coin, and complement the other. they always have a quick witty quip ready for the other’s petty insults, so so predictable. they dont keep harmony and peace between them, more so a light to keep them going similar to a smoker lighting cigarettes over and over again (insert the 10000 arts of wil lighting his cig with Qs light and vice versa. my fave ever) its close to an addiction, they need each other to keep running and flowing in the most unconventional ways they can find. if you look carefully, they are always circling enabling balancing each other

2- fire/light/burning

i like the metaphor of cwil being under the spotlight of people's perception .. sure, its cool to finally be able to see and interact with people but Q is different. he isnt and never will be afraid of wil. he is only "unpredictable" to him. freakishly enough this is also entertaining to Q. what will he destroy next? graffiti next? say next? do next? he cant help himself but to react. wil on the other hand will do anything to get a petty reaction from Q, to get his precious eyes on him that makes him burn in the light. tearing each other apart then rebuilding each other is an important component of their relationship me thinks

3- president/vice president

usually, i tjink this is a concept used to try and dethrone the other of their humongous egos and get that feeling of a win lol its all about reaction

their relationship is so interesting and weird because of the fact they wanted to over throw the other in politics — i dont think you see two POLITICAL rivals have that homoerotic tension often … anywhere! but i think its so funny that they became a version of the other further down the line (menace -> president, president -> menace) and it also goes back to the yinyang, over time and under certain conditions one can become the other because the other will always be present in the other. (like yin contains yang vice versa)

4- cannibalism Sorry /j

ok this is Strictly fanon. does this count as a headcanon i dont know.

if anyone remmeberes there was a certain point over on ctnttwt a handful of people were crazy for cannibalism ctnt go read whispers of blood and love. recently its become a not too uncommon/pretty popular characteristic for oc ships etc. of course its usually metaphorical in (ctnt) art and sometimes written but the act of giving yourself up completely to another to become a part of them goes pretty well with the psychology of ctnt/the game they play so i very much see the vision when people use this concept to depict Wil’s “devotion” (i guess? idk Refer back to ‘I am your servant’) to stay w Q in order to keep feeling that feeling of being “alive”.

it also goes hand in hand with quackitys want for power over people/things from beinng deprived of it in his earlier days. biggest stretch ever but also his capitalistic ideals to consume consume consume. and wil is willing to give him that opportunity because it is beneficial to him as well. horrible mutualism psa guys dont eat your boyfriend

these r mostly cwilbur centric mb. i also hate being wrong Which is why i hate having HCs. but why should i when theyre practically my ocs and the whole point of hcs is that theyre YOUR canon but oh well

anyone and everyone add on if u Like. Humble me if im wrong idc

[365days365movies]

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (Review)

Before I go into ANYTHING else...let’s talk about the actual Danish Girl, Lili Elbe, or Lili Ilse Elvenes.

Oh, uh, full warning, this is gonna be LONG, so skip to the bottom if you’re just here for the Review! OK, history time!

Now, what the film The Danish Girl notes about the beginning of the transition is pretty spot-on, from what I can tell. After marrying portrait painter Gerda Gottlieb in 1904, the two lived in Italy and France before moving to Paris in 1912. Yeah, that’s over 14 years before they’re shown doing so in the movie. Inaccuracy #1. In 1908 (here comes number 2), Elbe (Einar at the time) painted this portrait of trees along a fjord in Denmark.

Yeah, NOT in 1926, as the film says. But, yeah, that’s a nitpick, I recognize that. Anyway, the revelation came when model Anna Larssen (not “Ulla”, which is Inaccuracy #3) was late, and Gerda asked Elbe to fill in. When Larssen eventually showed up, she suggested the name “Lili”. Basically, this scene from the movie was pretty goddamn accurate.

Except for the dates, anyway. Because while the movie mostly takes place around 1926 and afterwards, this probably happened closer to 1920, in Paris. So, yeah, Lili spent a LOT more time as Lili in real life. Additionally, Lili was pretty goddamn public about the whole thing, inviting guests and hosting parties as herself, rather than as Einar. At the same time, Gerda was getting pretty goddamn famous for her paintings of Lili, like this one.

Which, yeah, are really good! Also, they were considered lesbian erotica by many! YEAH! And here’s a fun fact: Gerda may not have been straight-up straight. Yeah, the film and the book (we’ll get there) kind of ignored the fact that their marriage was annulled by the Danish government, not by the two of them. Inaccuracy #4. Now, obviously, their relationship ended, and Lili ended up getting together with a man (we’ll get there, too), but there are a LOT of unanswered questions about Gerda’s sexuality, and views of sexuality (which is barely hinted at in the “male gaze” speech in the beginning).

After the annulment, the two just...drifted apart. Their relationship dissolved, and the details on that are fuzzy. By 1930, Lili was headed on a completely different path. She wasn’t a painter like Einar (and it turns out that she thought of them as two entirely separate people, like two souls living in the same body, which the movie got mostly right), and she was mostly unsatisfied with her career, life, and other things. And that is where Drs. Erwin Gohrbandt and Magnus Hirschfeld come in, NOT Kurt Warnerkros...yet. He’d come in for the other five (YES FIVE) surgeries, but wouldn’t be involved with the first. Inaccuracy #5, and also #6, while we’re at it! See, the film would make you think that Lili was the first complete gender reassignment surgery, but she was actually the second. The first would be Dora Richter, in a procedure that was performed by Dr. Hirschfeld from 1922 - 1931. YEAH. BIG-ASS INACCURACY THERE. Here’s Dora, by the way:

Anyway, Lili had her first procedure, to remove the testicles, performed in 1930. In the same year, the divorce between Lili and Gerda was finalized, and Lili legally changed her name. Two more procedures were performed, the first to implant an ovary, and the second to remove the penis and scrotum. Inaccuracy #7, by the way. And, hey, let’s go for number 8! Let’s talk about Henrik, a dude who didn’t exist. He and Hans were both very loosely based on an art dealer named Claude Lejeune.

Claude was an art dealer (there’s the Hans part), and was indeed in love with Lili. They got together around early 1931, and he’d actually been in love with her for a good, long time. He proposed to marry Lili, and she accepted, also hoping that the two would be able to have children together. But to do that, it was believed that Lili would need a uterus. And, obviously, having children would be MILES more complicated than that in basically EVERY way, but this was early in medical science’s understanding of some of that biology.

In any case, however, Lili would need both a uterus and a vagina to feel whole. And so, the fourth surgery was scheduled. And she had that surgery in 1931, a couple of weeks after Dora Richter successfully had the same surgery performed. But, sadly, Lili wouldn’t be so lucky.

Lili’s body rejected the uterus, and while transplant rejections of any kind wouldn’t necessarily be fatal now, they definitely were back then. They attempted to remove it, but that subsequent 5th surgery caused infection, which caused a fatal heart attack three months later. Lili Elbe died on September 13, 1931, at the age of FORTY-EIGHT. Yeah, Inaccuracy #9.

By the way, you may be wondering: what about Dora Richter, the first successful person to get these surgeries? Well, she disappeared...in Germany...as the Nazis were coming into power...yeah. Fuckin’ YIKES.

And so, that’s the true story of Lili Elbe. And there are far more differences than that, I’m sure, but those 9 inaccuracies aren’t insignificant, that’s for sure. Although, it probably doesn’t help that the movie was based on a fictionalized book.

Oh, uh...did I not mention that? Yeah, this movie is based on The Danish Girl, by David Ebershoff, which means that this film is essentially a cinematic game of telephone. Which, uh...not great. Granted, Ebershoof made some other...interesting changes, which the film didn’t inherit. In the book, for example, Gerda is named Greta, and is American? Um...why? I dunno, it’s kind of weird. Oh, and that’s not including one more issue with the movie. But, you’ve waited long enough, huh? Recap of the film is here and here if you wanna check that out! Let’s get to the Review already!

Review

Cast and Acting: 8/10

I am...conflicted. So let me start here by saying that the acting in the film in and of itself is fantastic, all-around. Not a weak actor in here, that’s for sure. Let’s start with the side-roles, for once. Ben Whishaw, Matthias Schoenaerts, and Amber Heard are all good. Heard’s accent is a little shaky, but they’re still all solid performances. OK, how about Alicia Vikander? She’s great! And she won the Oscar for...Best Supporting Actress. Um...wait...Supporting? But not Best Actress? Uh...OK. That’s a little weird, let’s be honest here. But, Alicia Vikander did deserve that win over...oooooooh, Rooney Mara in Carol? Maybe not...damn.

And OK...let’s get into the elephant in the room, huh?

Eddie Redmayne is fantastic as Einar Wegener/Lili Eber, and I genuinely think he had a great shot to win Best Actor...but, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio definitely deserved it, I think that goes without saying. Hell, that year had a SOLID line-up for best actor. And Redmayne had even won it the year before for The THeory of Everything, another biography where he played Stephen Hawking. But ALL of that said...HNNNNNNNNNG, there should have been a transgender actor cast in this role, ideally. Now, I’m fully aware how difficult that would be, as Hollywood isn’t extraordinarily diverse in terms of including trans actors in massive mainstream projects. It’s better now, but it’s nowhere near ideal. But if anybody knows an actor who would’ve fit this role and performed it well, I’m DEFINITELY interested. So, despite that controversy, Redmayne was pretty goddamn great in this role. But, uh...that doesn’t mean everything is perfect...

Plot and Writing: 5/10

OK, that seems low, I know. But it’s pretty goddamn damning that this movie was based off of a heavily fictionalized book instead of the actual life story of Lili Eber and Gerda Gottlieb. And because of that, there are not only some missed opportunities, but some straight-up damning inaccuracies. That’s a set of pretty poor decisions, I tell you what. Not sure why Lucinda Coxon came to that decision when adapting this screenplay, but it wasn’t exactly nominated for Best Screenplay. And the writing certainly isn’t bad, but it is...overly saccharine sometimes, especially for a film based (loosely) on a true story. I dunno...just not the best set of choices here, sorry to say.

Directing and Cinematography: 8/10

Tom Hooper shouldn’t direct musicals. However, since this wasn’t a musical, directing and cinematography here is pretty damn good! Real talk, this is a gorgeous looking movie, and the way shots are framed are fantastic. Perfect? Weeeeeeeell...given the fact that painting is a main focus of the film, for both Gerda and Einar, there should’ve been more painter-quality shots in here, I think. And while the cinematography by Danny Cohen is pretty fantastic, I can’t say that it’s perfect. Still, in terms of lighting and general skill, it’s still quite a good looking movie.

Production and Art Design: 10/10

But the deficiencies in the direction are EASILY compensated for by the production design! Like, hot DAMN, this is a good looking movie, like I said! That goes from the construction of the sets, to the gorgeous outfits all over the place, especially Lili’s outfits. Some iconic pieces of wardrobe there, that’s for sure! But if I have ONE complaint...this movie never once felt like the 1920s. Yup, good old anachronistic complaints from me again! Yeah, I’ll change the record one of these days, I promise. But even with that, it’s hard to ignore just how good this movie looks, to be honest. It’s just...gorgeous.

Music and Editing: 8/10

As I type this, I’m listening to a track of the film on YouTube, and it is a beautifully delicate tune. I’m not sure that I’d be able to associate it with the film if presented to me on its own, but it’s definitely a nice track to listen to by itself. Playlist worthy? For somebody, almost certainly, but not for me. One of these days, a film like that’s gonna pop up, I swear. But for now, Alexandre Desplat and his score are gonna stay off my iPhone. This really is a nice score, though, I promise. Editing by Melanie Ann Oliver is pretty good as well, and I’ve no complaints about it, to be honest. Overall, this side of things was quite nice, if not the most notable thing I’ve ever seen or heard.

I might have been a little harsh, but it’s still got an 78%.

This is a good movie, but...I dunno, the inaccuracies do bug me. Hell, there are WAY more than what I’d mentioned, and I mentioned a lot. Not to mention the other glaring issue: no trans people at any stage of the production? Really? No script consultants, no writers, no NTOHING? That’s...egregiously bad. Like, holy shit, guys. And, yes, this includes Redmayne, because even though he performed admirably in the role...I dunno. I’m no expert on ANY of this, as a cissexual dude with cissexual experience, but it feels a little...reductive, is all. Like I said, if any other actors have been suggested for this role, I’d love to know. The whole thing feels...I don’t know, just not great. 

And by the way, that’s without even TOUCHING the question as to whether or not this film is authentic to the trans experience. Again, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA, but I’ve also heard that this film isn’t universally acclaimed in the trans community, so to speak. And I’m definitely interested in the reasons for that. All I know is this: from the perspective of a complete outsider, I was intrigued by this films view of the transgender experience, specifically as seen in the earliest days of those realizations happening and being publicly known and reported on. And that’s all I can really comment on, in truth.

WHOOF. That was a goddamn topic, huh? And now, I’m going to continue on the the month of romance with...wait, the 19th is my 5-year anniversary with my GF, pictured here:

Ravishing. Anyway, I think I’ll let her pick from my choices for this next one. Hold on a sec...OK, then. Sing it with me now! AND DO I DREEEEEAM AGAAAAIN, FOR NOW I FIIIIIIIIIIIIIND...

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

[batgirlsay]

I posted 357 times in 2021

149 posts created (42%)

208 posts reblogged (58%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.4 posts.

I added 1,045 tags in 2021

#akagami no shirayukihime - 156 posts

#snow white with the red hair - 153 posts

#art - 144 posts

#animals - 127 posts

#lyrics - 119 posts

#shirayuki - 110 posts

#obi - 66 posts

#zen - 66 posts

#zen wisteria - 64 posts

#zenyuki - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 99 characters

#this was the image i was thinking of for the original playlist post instead of her dancing with raj

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

10 Seconds Later

An Obiyuki Playlist

(For Obiyuki Week 2021 Day 7: Wheel of Fortune by @snowwhite-andtheknight​)

This playlist starts after the iconic “10 seconds” scene with Obi trying to decide if he should tell her his feelings or not, then transitions to songs where he decides it’s better if he doesn’t tell her or that he tells her and hopes their relationship stays the same. Still using a lot of Snow Patrol and Eisley songs, but I was finally able to include some of my other favorite bands like Jimmy Eat World and Anberlin too! (Chapter cover edit from @ansmangacaps, definitely one of my favorites!)

Open Your Eyes- Snow Patrol Momentum- The Hush Sound Let It Happen- Jimmy Eat World A Day Late- Anberlin Now Is Not The Time- Chvrches Autumn Love- Death Cab for Cutie I Wish- Eisley Love Isn’t a Game- Midnight Television If You’re Wondering- Eisley Peace- Taylor Swift

Summary lyrics are cited after the cut (and planning on posting individual lyric analyses separately, sometime after the week):

“All this feels strange and untrue, and I won't waste a minute without you. I want so much to open your eyes, cause I need you to look into mine. Tell me that you'll open your eyes… take my hand, knot your fingers through mine, and we'll walk from this dark room for the last time.”- Open Your Eyes, Snow Patrol

“You are the dark ocean bottom and I am the fast-sinking anchor, should I fall for you? You are the scar on my tissue that I show all of my new friends, should I show you me? All we need is a little bit of momentum, break down these walls that we've built around ourselves. All we need is a little bit of inertia, break down and tell. That you are the rain on the fire deep in the trees, when no one was looking, should I speak of this?”- Momentum, The Hush Sound

“I have a ringing in my head and no one to help me answer it, even with you close enough to kiss… thinking about it can’t help me let go.”- Let It Happen, Jimmy Eat World

“So let me get this straight, say now you love me all along? What makes you hesitate to tell me in words what you really feel? I can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say, I remember so along ago saying I felt the same way. Only time will tell, could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend. Can't help but entertain this thought, thoughts of us together.”- A Day Late, Anberlin

“Warriors are both time and patience, but you and I are worlds apart. There is much that I still want to tell you, but now is not the time to speak of love.”- Now Is Not The Time, Chvrches

“If there's no beacon tonight to guide me, I'll finally break the shackles of direction and let the headlights lead me anywhere they wanna go, I feel at home now out on a bough. This autumn love is not enough.”- Autumn Love, Death Cab for Cutie

“I was carrying a deep hope for you, a little pack of fire, I watched you from afar, a blazing, blooming star. The tree of life is what you are. Oh I wish you felt this way… so tell me, do you fear this? Cause you're not sure what's required, and if I could, I'd just claim you.” - I Wish, Eisley

“Now I’m just playing for keeps the day I met you I fell in so deep. Love isn’t a game, no need keeping score, my heart’s not playing anymore. All in and always, well that’s me for sure. To think how I love while collecting our scars on our hearts and our minds, but win lose or draw I’m all in all time.”- Love Isn’t a Game, Midnight Television

“Cast about the night with your hands, and space the space inside of our heads, and when the fighting fighter inside with all the thrilling I hide. I was wanting you to show me, I was wondering all the time, but if the moon shines on you while you're sleeping, it will show you all that you're feeling inside. If you're wondering I know.”- If You’re Wondering, Eisley

“I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm… All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret. The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me. Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?”- Peace, Taylor Swift

19 notes • Posted 2021-09-25 14:37:58 GMT

#4

I’ll See You in the Spring

A Copeland Zenyuki Playlist

Week three @zenyuki-festival-2021 playlist! 

This image compiled by @ansmangacaps fits perfectly for this playlist! They are thinking about each other while he is on a grassy hillside and she is in falling snow with her winter Lyrias outfit.

I also worked on titles for this playlist for a while… and ended up on a title that sounds like a Fruits Basket episode. Most of the playlist focuses on Zen missing Shirayuki while she is Lyrias, waiting for the snow to melt and to see her again in the spring at Wistal, and ends on a positive note after making it through the long two years.

I was able to find all Copeland songs again for this playlist theme, using a few songs from the previous Zen flower themed playlist and adding more to fit with the weekly themes of distance and scars. (I was thinking about saving “Good Morning Fire Eater” and “Erase” for an Obi playlist, but the Copeland vibe fits much better for Zen. “On the Safest Ledge” will always be an Obi song though!)

She Changes Your Mind You Have My Attention To Be Happy Now Lavender Good Morning Fire Eater Not Allowed What Do I Know? By My Side Have I Always Loved You? Erase Thanks to You

Summary lyrics are cited after the cut (and individual lyric analyses will be posted separately!):

She Changes Your Mind- “She changes your mind when you see the joy in her eyes, it makes you feel. It was your "hello" that kept me hanging on every word and your "goodbye" that keeps me listening for your voice around each corner. It's the song you must seek out when your night has just begun in the distance you can find the lips from which was sung a melody.”

You Have My Attention- “Quiet now, your voice seems miles away, yet somehow, I hear your song resound a little bit softer each day and from my tired heart, a little bit farther away. While you sleep safely, I’ll be thinking about you.”

To Be Happy Now- “In the moments before time starts moving backward, I will feel her hand in the palm of mine and the cities will return to the field of flowers. When every fire we sparked was just another blinking out, they're glowing like an ember in the dark cause you just want to be happy now”

Lavender- “I kissed you on a lavender hillside in the sun, you're the one that I needed all along, but I can't feel you now. And in the corner of my heart I still hold you close, cause I can almost feel your waking eyes searching for mine, fighting all your tears. I never sleep cause I can't see into your night.”

Good Morning Fire Eater- “I'm afraid you've stopped to lick your wounds, and it always goes when you need it most, the kindest love is still bleeding from the last shot.”

Not Allowed- “Here we go, I'll smile for you now, cause you're sad but I'm not allowed to be sad. Here we go, I'll burn for you now cause you're mine.”

What Do I Know?- “It's brittle and it trembles as the wind is coming toward… But you're far away now and you've got troubles all your own. I'll be knocking 'cause you never left my head.”

By My Side- “I never fear to be more alone, I do now, I turn to see my faded tracks in the snow, I've come so far with no idea where to go and if I never fear to be more alone, I do now.”

Have I Always Loved You?- “Never mind their talking down the dreamers, our world is standing still… but see our castle will be high above their arrows.”

Erase- “Your armor I can never mold, feel it, hold your honor, bright as falling snow. Never know you’re waiting, listening to your heart. I'm still the shadows in your night, taking over, until I fade into your light. You won't erase me, so you just color me from grey. I can’t help this awful feeling that I can’t erase you.”

Thanks to You- “It's been a long two years, it's time to smile we've made it this far just like you said. I hope that you can see the strength that pulled us through is now passed on to me. This far from home, it doesn't feel as far when I know you're doing well. Distance is what you make it.”

20 notes • Posted 2021-06-03 13:20:54 GMT

#3

Out of the Wildness

An Obiyuki Playlist 

(For Obiyuki Week 2021 Day 6: The Tower by @snowwhite-andtheknight)

I used the reverse tarot theme analysis for this one to represent Obi’s scars and healing throughout the manga (especially in Volume 8) and his newfound home with everyone in Clarines and Lilias. (Especially when he returns to Shirayuki, see awesome posts from @bubblesthemonsterartist​ for more details!) The playlist title comes from the “love like wildness/kindness” analogy from “Heal Me” which perfectly represents their relationship.

Better Love- Eisley Dismantle.Repair.- Anberlin Defeatist- Eisley Home- Mae Heal Me (Reworked)- Snow Patrol The Cure- Mae Home- Jeff and Casey Lee Williams (RWBY Soundtrack)

Summary lyrics are cited after the cut (and planning on posting individual lyric analyses separately, sometime after the week):

“Why can’t I stop licking on my own wounds when I’ve found my place with you? Make me better, love, because I’ve finally found out you’re on my side… and if you’re my guide, I’m your guide. We’re gallant, we’re strong, we’re safe. You’re so brave, now I can brave myself.” -Better Love, Eisley

Four weeks felt like years, since your full attention was all mine. Change, only a matter of time, opinions, I will try and rewrite. If life had background music, playing your song, I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you, but the orchestra plays on. Things are gonna change now, for the better. Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through. Dismantle me down, repair, you dismantled me.”- Dismantle.Repair., Anberlin

“I may have faltered in my life, but not with you, I couldn't make this up. I've had trouble disengaging my heart, but I'll bite the grenade pin out. You know I want you, you know I will fight, down in the trenches, holding your hand tight. I will not make it out without you, I'll bite the bullet, I'll fall right through you.”- Defeatist, Eisley

“Now I've been sneaking out your back door, since I can't remember when and thinking about the world I didn't know and how I wanted in. But now I find I'm in the thick of it… Been running down any road but home. But I can see it in the symmetry, it's what was really always meant to be, the singularity is clearer from the distance, so I'd die here to fall in love with home. Believe in dreams and wait for signs, you will always find me when I run away, but I will not slow down until I make it back into your arms.”- Home, Mae

“I've been dancing in this fire for way to long, but I kinda like it, oh I like it cause it's more dangerous than me. Oh this is love like wildness… You call out my name like no one before, it sounds like I am called to a home that I never had. I wasn't looking for you, but I think maybe I was and didn't know.”- Heal Me, Snow Patrol

“I've grown so tired of running circles around myself in search of something new, only when I stood still I could see you were there and you were waiting for me to fall in love with you. With you near I feel like I'm invincible. All that I've wanted is standing in front of me, all that I'll need that's for sure. Once I was frail, now I have been repaired in all the lovely things you do.”- The Cure, Mae

“Let's just dream quietly of what might be, calm your fear I'll be near to you. Rest my friend, time can mend many things. I don't know the answers, tomorrow's still unknown, but I can make this promise you won't be alone. I don't know what path we will be shown, but I know that when I'm with you I'm at home. But even when we stumble, and someday when we fall, what I will remember that I had you through it all.”- Home, Jeff and Casey Lee Williams (RWBY Soundtrack)

22 notes • Posted 2021-09-24 14:02:58 GMT

#2

Memories Give Us Strength to Grow

A Zenyuki Playlist

First playlist for @zenyuki-festival-2021 ! I worked on titles for a while and finally found an early manga quote “the memory of this day will give me strength” and incorporated the flower/spring theme that I have been using for Zen playlists and the beginning/memory/strong weekly themes. The songs are mostly chronological starting with their early growing feelings, with a few songs from my original Shirayuki Feels Mix about their struggle with Izana, and then snow/winter to spring/summer themes about Lyrias that didn’t fit in the Copeland playlists. And Mae always has the most perfect ending songs 😊.

Patterns- Merriment Hide and Seek- Schematic (Dave Elkins of Mae) the lakes- Taylor Swift  ivy- Taylor Swift You Are Mine- Eisley Goodbye Palace- Perma (Sherri and Max of Eisley/Say Anything) Simple Words- Mae Unglued- Fair Summer- Anchor & Braille (Stephen Christian of Anberlin) A Melody, The Memory- Mae

Summary lyrics are cited after the cut (and also planning on posting individual lyric analyses separately):

Patterns- “Maybe you could be some part of what I need. Who knows what we'll become, can you see just where I'm coming from? I've braved the coldest storm… but I have got to believe in you.”

Hide and Seek- “I could tell by the way you were looking at me I was found… You are it and I'm on the run, I know I'll never be the same again, you see all I've ever wanted is to play hide and seek with only you.”

the lakes- “I want auroras and sad prose, I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet, cause I haven't moved in years and I want you right here. A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground.”

Ivy- “I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones, in a faith forgotten land, in from the snow. I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland, my house of stone, your ivy grows and now I’m covered in you. Your opal eyes are all I wish to see… spring breaks loose, the time is near… dare to sit and watch what we’ll become.”

You Are Mine- “Now that we've grown you've shown me the best damn parts of myself and I, I've taught you to only use lavender. When I'm here and you're with me, we can't undo the grip on our hearts.”

Goodbye Palace- “I fall down without you, I’m loving the moon’s bright light illuminating the hollow we have built… You pick up the pieces of my life, this can’t break us, change can be so hard, the starry sky is all lit up.”

Simple Words- “I almost forgot about the game that we used to play when we had younger hearts. Do you remember then? And can you feel it now? It feels right in line with summer and winter nights cause they go a long way.”

Unglued- “This is the first thing I can remember I came unglued… speak to me now until I don't feel a thing until winter gives way to spring.”

Summer- “Winter reminds me of all the times that we shared… how I missed you, summer, the winter was cold but your memory kept me warm. Only you can melt the snow in this cold heart, seasons change but you know I loved you from the start.”

A Melody, The Memory- “I'm moved by the way all the notes in time make the melody. I know you're reminiscing through our romance. Night into day, we have been captured again, a new time and place to make a million new memories.”

22 notes • Posted 2021-05-20 14:02:11 GMT

#1

This cat is exactly blanket Obi vibes:

51 notes • Posted 2021-05-09 03:40:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[tigerdrop]

okay kind of obsessed with the body swap art tho. idk why i just like benrey getting to bully gordon with his own body, his own voice, and i like gordon trying to navigate whatever weird shit benrey’s got going on. gordon not being able to figure out or control whatever organs in benrey’s throat produce sweet voice so it’s just spewing whatever emotions he’s feeling at random (including Horny? uh oh. can’t hide that as easily as a surprise boner can you gordon?)

this ask kicked me into actually thinking about it and your brain is so huge. massive. i lost control

last night i was struggling to articulate thoughts for the body swap thing but this is kickstarting me. i. really love bodyswap stuff........(sighing) i am yet again having to confront the fact that i latched onto an embarrassing number of Things after having first read about them in [REDACTED]. truly hate being alive

so like......potions. you can get into a whole lot of weird stuff with potions. truly loving that darnolds 5-minute existence gives me an excuse to think of the stupidest horny potions scenarios

and why in the fuck wouldnt he have a bodyswap potion just chillin in his lab. why wouldnt benrey crack that bad boy open and take a sip while darnolds bitching at him "dont you touch any of those goddamn potions. im not gonna tell you which ones which so if you die, you die"

gordon claps benrey on the back afterwards like "well, thats a risk im perfectly happy for him to take" but uh oh you fucking buffoon. the touch is what activates it. and shit just starts spinning and schlorping in his mind and he nearly falls over clutching the lab bench next to him and when he cracks his eyes back open, hes........shorter. and everybodys asking if somebodys okay but that somebody isnt him and hes kind of miffed about that

and then gordons head turns and he sees Himself being steadied on his feet by tommy and darnold and hes like.......guys? guys. hello! and the sound of benreys voice coming out of him with that irritated and loud timbre makes everybody turn to face him........b/c that is so insanely weird coming from him

im like way into the idea of benreys, like, Eye Darkness Thing transferring to gordons face when their bodies are swapped, too. its just his malevolent energies manifesting physically no matter what body hes in

Wait god wait. Like. Benrey in Gordon's body and he gets horny for some reason and has to live Gordon's fucking pained life of the suit edging the hell outta him- Bc now Gordon can actually fucking jerk off for the the first time in days. No edging bullshit from the hev suit

benreys newfound appreciation for why gordons such a bitch all the time

RRRRRRRRRRR gordon able to go wild beating his meat that night finally but right before he does he stops because hes looking down at. 8)!

YES EXACTLY....... gordon freeman humbled by the sight of benreys huge meat. except its his meat now 

at first he only feels mildly weird about jacking it when hes not even in his own body right now but hes been edged for days now and hes just thinking "if i can just get this out of the way now, ill be clear-headed for however fucking long im stuck in black mesa. maybe this is why ive been so goddamn stupid lately. yeah"

but then he gets some time and space to himself at long last and unzips and the shock of seeing benreys huge uncut dick instead of his own brings him back to reality like "?oh my god what the fuck am i doing"

embarrassment! guilt! but also hes still fuckin horny and eventually curiosity wins out. whats the harm, right. its not like he has to say anything about it. and gordon freeman is (mostly) heterosexual and hes never been this up close and personal with a foreskin before and hes just......curious. scientifically

maybe hes even.......locked himself inside one of the company restrooms while hes at it. just to make sure hes got privacy. and there is a mirror right there........  he was gonna just bust one out and leave as fast as he can but now hes curious

starts. thumbing the hem of his shirt under benreys vest. starts lifting it up experimentally just to see where all that hair leads. out of curiosity. and seeing the curve of benreys stomach peek out in the mirror makes him hiccup on sweet voice inadvertently 

weirdly enough theres a part of him thats both relieved and disappointed that hes never seen that color before

he never envisioned that seeing benrey like this would be a turn-on but like......with that vest and that helmet on he just looks like some kind of fuckin roundish rectangle shape. but now gordons intimately familiar with how his body feels to move around in......what hes gotta look like underneath all that armor and ill-fitting work clothes......and the hornier he gets the stupider he gets

takes off the helmet.......just to test the waters. if somebody manages to bust in, thats not so weird to explain. and hes surprised by the shock of black hair he finds under there. he doesnt know what he was expecting....but honestly, benrey looks, like, kind of nice like that. more like a person

im slightly obsessed with the idea of benrey just not even registering as a Real Guy, physically, to gordon, one that he could possibly be attracted to, until hes out of his work uniform.......like hes more of an icon of a person than anything up until that point. pure signifier. no substance

like......you know......the equivalent of how benreys HL model registers to 99% of people watching the series. sure, thats not necessarily anything youd register as "hot", most likely, but then u peel that away and its like........Oh

the model is the icon and the representation of the icon is the real

and gordon runs a hand thru benreys hair and tries out one of those shitty little smirks benrey likes to use on him and the effect is.......dizzying. is that him? is that what benrey really looks like to him?? he feels fuckin salacious doing this

he can even.........get his face up close to the mirror and really look at those teeth

run his tongue over them experimentally.......feel their sharp edges.......and, no, theyre not sharp like a knife, but they are definitely pointy. and surprisingly well-kept......hes never seen benrey brush his teeth before but clearly he must. theyre so smooth and slick under his fingertips

and then he flushes and drops his hand b/c hes getting some weird fucking thoughts right now........but looking back up at himself in the mirror and seeing benreys face all wide-eyed and red makes the issue worse

oh, you really like seeing him look like that, dont you. and gordons pissed b/c this isnt even his fucking brain but its still whispering the exact same neurotic, self-defeating shit at him that hes trying very hard to tamp down

and then he starts getting a little crazier. taking off the vest. he can explain that, no problem. its just kind of hot. heavy. he needed a breather! its normal. just in here to splash some water on his face and cool down, nothing wrong with that. but that just makes benreys shirt all the easier to access.......and he tugs the hem of it just a little higher and looks at himself in the mirror and runs a thumb over the curve of his stomach, where the hair is thickest, and he shivers

gordon freeman is deeply normal and would never get off to the sight of a guy with arms the size of his head tentatively dragging the hem of his shirt up, just for gordon to look at him closer

hands shaking from nerves as he decides to loosen his tie and start unbuttoning and he sees more and more hair-dusted skin and muscle and fat and a thin sheen of sweat reveal itself

> i could see gordon trying to tense and flex the muscles a bit just because hes normal

HE IS, AND HE WOULD

he doesnt know when "being horny b/c hes been pent up and edged for days and he just needs to get his rocks off real quick so he can be normal again" turned into "being horny b/c the way benrey looks under his uniform is scary good to him" but if he thinks about that too hard hes gonna have a panic attack

tells himself that its all just because he hasnt been able to get off. thats why hes thinking this shit. hell stop thinking it once he nuts

> hey this is a quick aside but yknwo how he talks to himself in third person sometimes? what if he does and then kinda does a mental double take at how his name sounds coming out of benreys mouth, with his voice. ok thats it goodbye

oh ym god thats making me go insane. doing it by accident and then.........saying it again. on purpose. just to hear benreys voice doing it

getting one knee hitched up onto the sink and leaning forward with his arm braced against the mirror and his forehead leaning on his arm and tugging benreys dick (no, idiot, thats your dick right now, stop thinking about it) and tentatively groaning out his own name and it comes out so hoarse and desperate that it punches him straight in the gut (too bad, hes thinking about it, he cant not think about it, not with the way he looks and sounds right now)

> remember in the series when benrey called him gordon one (1) time and he noticed immediately and was like..i think thats the first time youve called me by my name.

he looks so fucked out and slutty in that mirror that it almost makes him pass out

eyes darting like hes trying to commit every single detail of how he looks right now to memory (b/c he is. he fucking is. he wants to make benrey look like this so fucking bad. just for him. wreck him and get him flushed and sweaty and panting and moaning gordons name and jesus christ, okay, thats where his brains taking him. okay. cool)

hes dizzying himself thinking about it. he knows benreys hot for him by this point, theoretically. assuming his weird come-ons werent just jokes. benrey would probably let him do this to him. benrey would probably want him to touch his dick. gordon thinks about how good it might feel for his own hand to be on benreys dick and he cant get himself solidly into one headspace or another - hes gordon, hes benrey, he wants to touch, he wants to be touched, he wants to feel his own hand on this dick (and god, maybe he could. maybe he could ask. wouldnt that be crazy.)

benrey in gordons suit and gordons body and gordons face leaning over him, b/c fuck, he really is tall compared to benrey, hes figured that one out awful quick. and gordons (his) hand on his (benreys) dick and stroking him and leering down at him with those dark, dark eyes that dont even really look like his eyes, anymore, not with the way theyre shaded over, and hearing his (benreys) (his) voice moaning out his (gordons) (definitely gordons) name and all the little "pleases" and "thank yous" that he cant stop letting out b/c benreys voice was made for it, made to beg and whine and ask so nicely, and his heads spinning as he comes all over the fucking mirror and sink

> i wonder if this could be combine with the ideas that parts of the self or like mind is still a bit left behind if that makes sense, like with benrey also wanting this that part of the reason gordon wants to say those things

"do you want to fuck him or do you want to be him?" well my good bitch, perhaps you can have a little of both. welcome to my personal hell

hes never come so hard in his fucking life and the noise that rips out of him when he does, finally, after days of being jerked around (ha ha) makes his ears burn with shame

now if you really wanna go crazy. imagine that benreys up and walking around this whole time b/c being edged by his stupid broken suit is making it impossible for him to sleep, and he hears........all of this. stops and presses himself flat agains tthe wall to listen

he cant actually get into the bathroom to scare the shit out of gordon/offer to join in/etc, b/c this stupid flesh body of gordons cant even noclip, but he can press his ear to the door and. listen. and he can flush all the way down to his chest when he hears gordon in there, moaning out his own name with benreys voice

so thats what gordon wants him to do, huh. thats what hes thinking about.

poor benrey, tho. he gets to experience just a lick of the endless fucking suffering that gordon goes thru every single day just by being alive, and "the HEV suit trying and failing to suck him off to completion while his dick twitches against the hard metal of the interior every time gordon groans in there" is just one small part of it

anyway . see ya. my final message

[bywordofaphrodite]

Book Reviews 7&8: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen & Anne of Green Gables by L.M Montgomery

This review’s theme is female-led romantic classics ! Audience age: roughly age 10+

This review is about two of my all-time favourite female-led classics! Pride and Prejudice is one of the only classics I can truthfully say I enjoy, sorry to lovers of classics I just cannot bring myself to love many of them. Elizabeth Bennet is a timeless heroine, and her story is an easy, comfortable read. Anne of Green Gables, likewise, echoes the same sentiments, albeit with considerably more hijinks added into the mix- and with the heroines’ age gaps and very different circumstances, this is to be expected!

Nostalgic review

Rating: ★★★★★

These novels are, if I didn’t already make clear, comfort stories in the best sense of the word. It’s been several years since I last read either of them in full, but there is a special ease about them at all times; even in the midst of disaster, you know there is hope just around the corner.

In the case of Pride and Prejudice, I’ll admit that as much as I love Lizzy, it is the entirety of the story that draws me in more than just her character. I love the general vibe of the novel, the drama and gossip in the town and all the fuss that comes about with each new ball the Bennet sisters must attend for social reasons. The surprising scandals are all very alluring, and really, Jane Austen’s stories walked so Gossip Girl could run!

On the flip side, Anne as a character- she is one of my absolute most favourite characters ever written. I’m no orphan and I’ve never had to struggle in the way she did, but I grew up the odd one out in a small town, with a hot temper and a huge imagination that always managed to get me into trouble. Everything about Anne is relatable to me- right down to the infamous scene where she attempts to dye the red hair she hates and it goes green instead (I tried to bleach mine and it went orange, so I didn’t fare much better).

While it has been a long time since I last read these books, I am expecting more positive surprises than negative ones, now that I’m older with a bit more perspective!

Pride and Prejudice Review

Post-read: ★★★★★

Synopsis: Elizabeth Bennet, the second daughter of a middle-class family desperate to marry off their five daughters, navigates her way through matters of marriage, estate, love and temperament in an attempt to make a match that ensures her own happiness in a time where love was not always a priority.

Set in Regency England, the middle-class family the Bennets begin to fear their ruin as Mr Bennet grows older. See, Mr Bennet’s estate and fortune detailed in his will can only go to a male heir upon his death, thus ruling out his five daughters without their marriages taking place. As luck would have it, two eligible rich men arrive in town, and Mrs Bennet becomes obsessed with setting up her daughters with them. Amidst numerous balls and trips to the rich families’ residence of Netherfield, Jane Bennet catches the eye of sweet Charles Bingley, while Elizabeth begins a cold war with Bingley’s best friend Fitzwilliam Darcy, after he slights her upon their first meeting, to Mrs Bennet’s fury.

Over time, Mr Darcy becomes increasingly attracted to intelligent and witty Elizabeth, but so do other, less appealing characters to the likes of Elizabeth’s pretentious and stupid cousin, the clergyman Mr Collins, and the handsome militia officer Wickham, who tells Elizabeth that he has lost his fortune because Darcy stole it from him. When Elizabeth’s fifteen year-old sister runs away with Wickham in the middle of the night, Elizabeth is forced to hear our Mr Darcy’s side of the story and put aside her prejudice toward him. He, in turn, overcomes his pride, and by the end of the novel the two are able to freely admit their love without pride or prejudice standing in the way.

For such an old book, it really does stand the test of time. The lessons Austen teaches in this story are forever applicable to relationships in any timeline, though we have to make do without the fancy dresses and balls (and the gender norms and sexism, so it’s still a win for us, I suppose). I enjoy her writing and love how humorous it is; Austen perfected the art of polite mockery. Elizabeth is a good role model, and her character development over the course of the novel is wonderful.

Characters who aged well: first and foremost, Elizabeth Bennet of course. She’s headstrong and real, and satisfyingly selfish when necessary (nobody should be selfless when presented with a proposal from Mr Collins, and I will not hear otherwise). Mr Darcy remains an eternal heartthrob- I do sometimes wonder how someone less determined to see the bad side in Darcy would have viewed him from the get-go (my guess that had Jane been the perspective offered, Darcy might have been cut a bit of slack earlier. But where would be the fun in that?). I won’t comment on all the characters, but I will mention that I appreciated Jane much more as an adult. As often happened with sweeter female characters, internalised misogyny used to get the best of me on occasion and I would resent them for being ‘boring’. Now I just think she’s lovely.

For a villain, Mr Wickham aged so well. I once saw a Tumblr post declaring him the 1800s equivalent of a modern-day fuckboy and it’s stuck in my mind ever since because yes, that’s exactly what he is.

Characters who aged badly: Everybody hates Mr Collins, but I don’t know if I’m entirely correct in listing him here, given he wasn’t well liked back in 1813 either. As an antagonist, he technically aged well, but I’m going to keep him here anyway because I felt like ranting about him. The same goes for nauseating Mrs Bennet and Mary… they aged as intended, but I will remain frustrated with them anyway.

Favourite scene/quote: ‘An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr Collins… And I will never see you again if you do.’

This line never fails to make me laugh, whether on paper or onscreen. He does delight in vexing his over-excitable and irritating wife, and in this case it was all the more pleasing: he saw his wife trying to force his favourite daughter into marrying perhaps his least favourite person on the planet and supported Elizabeth’s decision to reject the man wholeheartedly, as well as reinforces the bond between father and daughter in a humorous way.

Scenes I particularly enjoyed are the ones surrounding Wickham’s secrets and shocking fake elopement with Lydia, partially because Lizzy and Darcy become close, but mostly because all the detective work unravelling the drama is so entertaining. It’s pleasing to see Darcy come out the undisputed hero after all Wickham’s deceit and attempts to ruin many girls’ reputations in attempts to get their fortunes.

Anne of Green Gables Review

Post-read: ★★★★★

Synopsis: red-headed orphan Anne Shirley is adopted by unmarried siblings Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert by accident. After a trial period, they agree to keep Anne, and the misunderstanding brings the greatest joy to their small farmhouse in the town of Avonlea.

This book! Everything about it!

As I anticipated, time did not change any of my love nor expectations for this book, but rather made me fall in love with it all over again.

Starting at the beginning, Anne’s introduction to the Cuthberts starts off with her first asking him to call her by a name she chose herself, and then settling with keeping her own name as long as they remember to spell it with an ‘e’. This alone is already something I relate strongly to- I can’t bear when people forget the second ‘e’ in my name… it looks so empty.

Moving on from the names!

Anne is enrolled in school, a place she is successful in due to her intelligence, yet many adults in the town, including her teacher, refuse to treat her very well. Anne’s temper gets her into trouble of numerous occasions with adults and classmates alike, the most memorable instance being when the handsome popular boy Gilbert Blythe calls her ‘carrots’ and tugs her plaits to get Anne to notice him- and she does, but likely not in the way he hoped: she smashes her writing slate over his head. Utterly iconic move.

The friendship between Anne and her neighbour Diana is a high point of the book, too. Anne is always on the lookout for ‘kindred spirits’ or ‘bosom friends’, terms she applies not only to Diana, but also to Matthew and her second teacher, the amazing Miss Stacy who represents that one literature teacher every writer child connects with.

Navigating dozens of scrapes and accidents, Anne manages to graduate school and attend an academy where- with Miss Stacy’s encouragement- she obtains her teaching license in one year instead of two, and ties first place with Gilbert Blythe, whom she has ignored to the best of her ability since the ‘carrots’ incident, though he has tried many times to obtain her forgiveness. Toward the end of the novel, Matthew has a heart attack that shatters both Anne and Marilla, and she gives up the scholarship she won in favour of teaching close to home in order to stop Green Gables from being sold. Gilbert Blythe passes on his teaching position at Avonlea school to Anne so she won’t have to struggle, and Anne finally accepts that she has lot more love for Gilbert than anything else.

Though they do not get together in this book, the following sequels end with their marriage, and their developing romance is a special part of this first novel too.

Characters who aged well: Anne Shirley, best girl! I think I’ve already listed enough examples to showcase what I think of her, but I also think she has aged very well as an interesting character and feminist role model, all the way back in 1908. Gilbert, too, is a wonderful example of how a man should be, and his character growth is every bit as good as Anne’s. The supporting characters are wonderful too.

Characters who aged badly: Mr Phillips, Anne’s first teacher who treated her terribly and tried to marry a student in the same classroom. Predator teachers exist now too, of course, but this man simply did not cop the jail time he deserved (yes, times were different then, I don’t care).

Favourite scene/quote: ‘I’m not a bit changed- not really. I’m only just pruned down and branched out. The real ME- back here—is just the same.’

This is the essence of Anne’s story, and I like to think for many people. Most people like to think they’ve changed while growing up, but the truth is that most people remain the same, they just grow into their ideas and find new dreams to follow; change doesn’t have to signify loss, just growth.

There are many great scenes in Anne of Green Gables, and narrowing down favourites is quite hard. As a romantic, I loved any scene with Gilbert, even though Anne herself was desperately trying to ignore him. All of Anne’s scrapes are hilarious, too, but if I had to choose, it’s when Matthew picks Anne up from the station the day they meet, and the quiet man- whose only interactions are with his sister- immediately takes a liking to the poor orphan girl no other adult has ever been kind to. Their ride home together signifies a beautiful change in both their lives, and their instant bond is heart-warming.

Overall verdict: I’ve read both of these novels more times than I care to count, so there was never really any strong doubt that I wouldn’t continue to love them a fair amount. It may seem a ridiculous thing to say that I still find them both to be well-written, but as someone who finds many ‘classics’ incredibly boring and too wordy to properly enjoy (looking at Charles Dickens, by the way), I’m making a note of my contentment with Austen and Montgomery’s writing styles. I do generally prefer female authors in the first place (and not just because most men can’t seem to write good female characters to save their lives) so I’m not entirely surprised by this, though I think it necessary to mention after my shock over the stunted sentences in Enid Blyton’s works and Nancy Drew and the Mystery at Lilac Inn.

While rereading these books I also felt compelled to re-watch the televised versions and show them to my younger sister too (she loves them!). I do have personal favourite versions, and this is due not only to the actors in the cast, but to which I deem the most accurate and faithful in comparison to the original written source material. For Pride and Prejudice, contrary to the popular version amongst most people who reference it, my favourite is not the Kiera Knightley movie. I greatly prefer the BBC show, finding the casting, setting and costuming far more accurately detailed. I don’t hate the movie, just to be clear! But if you want accuracy watch the television show, especially because the episodes had a chance to explore more of the script than the movie did, so there was no need to cut things out or rush certain developments.

As for Anne of Green Gables, there are a few different movies and series. My forever-favourite is the Megan Follows and Jonathon Crombie led film series, with the first movie released in 1985. The casting was perfect, I adored the settings and costuming, and Megan as Anne captured everything about the character in the most perfect way imaginable. As for the newer Netflix series Anne with an E, I have only seen a few episodes but I think that was really well done too; the casting of the leads was also very faithful to Montgomery’s novels. It’s a shame that Netflix chose to cancel a show that so many young people really enjoyed, but I hope maybe some of them will watch the movies or pick up the books!

The true importance of these books for me as a child was my connection to the characters, which hasn’t changed at all. Though I do identify in part with Elizabeth, it is Anne who is so much like me, and while I haven’t reviewed past the first book here, I can confirm that my personality has evolved in the same way hers does in the sequels. Something interesting I noticed when mentioning either of these series to people unfamiliar with them is that they are surprised I like these books. The reason? Owing to how old the novels are, people expect the characters to be boring and grounded in sexist tropes. While I cannot deny there are plenty of books out there that are full of these issues, the characters of Elizabeth and Anne are very much feminist in the best way possible. They fight against the expectations for their gender and forge their own paths. Their relationships with the male leads take a long time to develop- Anne and Gilbert do not get together until proper adulthood- because they want everything to be done on their terms, within their own certainty. Neither lead suffers from ‘not like other girls’ syndrome, both cherishing their friendships with the women around them, and Anne especially is a celebration of the best parts of femininity.

Ultimately I find both Pride and Prejudice and Anne of Green Gables to be comfort novels. There is conflict and angst, humour and love, and the reassuring knowledge that by the end of it everyone will get their happy ending.

[storm-in-a-glass]

My favorite ships from kdramas - appreciation post (part 2)

I have no idea if you've been waiting for that but I described the last list as part one, so I guess I should make another one. So today is The day. BTS plays in the background, list is ready, I have exam in two days but who cares, let's go!

1. What’s wrong with secretary Kim? - Kim Mi So & Lee Young-Joon

Let’s be honest. We have Park Min-Young and Park Seo-Joon. It had to work. They had to had crazy-like chemistry, it was meant to be. Whenever there was a kiss I’ve been worried my computer will set himself on fire bc all this hotness. Iconic comedy, iconic character of Park Seo-Joon, iconic romance. Also can we all agree that Park Min-Young have like the best luck when it comes to screen partners? Shit, girl. You must have saved thousands of people’s lives in your past life.

2. While you were sleeping - Nam Hoong-Joo & Jung Jae-Chan

Second Male Lead Syndrome hit hard with this one. But still not hard enough to stop me from gushing over the Nam Hoong-Joo and Jung Jae-Chan cuteness. I mean, c’mon. Suzy is motherfucker queen and Lee Jong-Suk is so pretty it makes my eyes hurt. Plus I adore that they were just so idk normal? Not perfect like most of the kdrama’s couples. She has growing hair leg, and he can be gross sometimes. SO WHAT?! Welcome to the real world. They loved each other anyway.  

3. Innocent man/Nice Guy - Seo Eun-Gi & Kang Ma-Roo

Man, between all this fluffy couples this one is kinda dark. But that's exactly what I loved about them. She was a bitch, especially at the beginning. He was a the dickest dick in the whole Dickland, Mayor of Dickville. Two sinners, bad, broken and selfish. Raw. Different. Flawed. They were hurting, they've been hurt. The ending of the drama was meh for me but this couple stands strong. And you know that Song Joong-Ki is the only one for me. He just makes me so happy whenever he's on the screen.

4. Touch your heart - Oh Jin-Shim & Kwon Jung-Rok

They proved love exists in Goblin and now they did it again. Firstly: Oh Jin-Shim is one of my favorite female characters ever. She's just so cheerful and inspirational. I watched this drama when my life was kinda shit, but after watching her journey back to the top I felt great, like I could do anything. Secondly: Kwon Jung-Rok is the cutest idiot ever. He's so charming with this awkwardness of his. And together they create this cute, healthy kind of relationship I stan so much. LOVE THEM.

5. Her private life - Sung Deok-Mi & Ryan Gold

So like I said before I'm pretty sure that Park Min-Young could create great chemistry even with a plain chair. But holy shit, in Her Private life we're getting whole Mendeleev's table. The story is pretty simple, there's no incredible groundbreaking plot, but Kim Jae-Wook is so hot and works so amazing with Park Min-Young that I didn't even care for the plot. I just wanted to look at him as long as I could. Also, Ryan Gold is perfect boyfriend. I want him for next Christmas.

6. Angel's last mission: love - Lee Yeon-Seo & Dan

Omg, I shed so many tears on this one. Being completely honest I wasn’t huge fan of Lee Yeon-Seo at the beginning, she was really annoying for me. But Dan, my baby L, was such a cutie I decided to watch it despite of female character and boy, I am so happy I did that. It was truly touching, sad but beautiful story. And mains are just two puppies, so in love with each other, that you have this sudden desire to leave kdrama’s world, go outside, meet someone and being as cute as Yeon-Seo and Dan. Fortunately, this desire passes very quickly. I have another episode to watch, you know?

7. Cheer up! Sassy go go - Kang Yeon-Doo & Kim Yeol

I know most of you have a very strong Second Man Lead Syndrome when it comes to Sassy Go Go. And let me just tell you: I would die for Seo Ha-Joon. Ji Soo is one of my favs and he did such a breathtaking job in this drama. When I started watching it, I've actually been thinking I would be suffering, bc after watching few videos on YouTube I knew that SMLS is strong with this one. I wanted to ship him with Kang Yeon-Doo. And partly I do, I am. BUT DAMN. KIM YEOL. Like I said, I was prepared for loving Seo Ha-Joon. I was rooting for him even before watching. But then that one scene happened and that was it. I was done. You know which one I'm talking about. "One, you move away first. Two, I move away first. Three, since we're in this position anyway, we do it". It made my heart beat faster and since that moment I was sold. 

Btw that plot line with parents was totally unnecessary. Why, writers? Why?

8. Because this is my first life - Joon Ji-Ho & Nam Se-Hee

This drama is so important for me, you have no idea. I just felt it to the core of my being. And no, I didn't married my hot landlord although i'm not opposed that idea but it's just freaking incredible story about growing up, learning how to do this whole adult-shit, being your own person, being someone's person and finally about finding yourself. GOD, IT WAS SO GOOD. And main couple! UGH. My babies! I know I named Kwon Jung-Rok from Touch Your Heart the cutest idiot ever but in that moment I guess I had to forget about Nam Se-Hee, bc he wins that category. But he was also understanding and respectful and patient and just...kind. Just simply kind but somehow that is everything. Plus I love Kitty. It's the prettiest cat ever.

9. Extraordinary you - Eun Dan-Oh & Haru

The latest drama I watched and holy guacamole, I loved it so much. And even though I love Baek Kyung with my whole heart I don't even know why because he's an asshole, I just have to admit that Haru and Eun Dan Oh are freaking perfect for each other. THE WAY HE RESPECTED HER. Damn, that's some valuable shit right here. Watch and learn, boys. WATCH. AND. LEARN.

10. Encounter/boyfriend - Cha Soo-Hyun & Kim Jin-Hyuk

The last but not least. Actually, it’s my fav couple on this list. Noone is able to dethrone Kang Mo-yeon & Yoo Shi-jin from DOTS from being my fav ultimate, but damn I must say Soo-Hyun and Jin-Hyuk were really close to do that. I fell in love with them since the first scene and now, long after watching it, I still think about them everyday. I’m not even joking. Where you can find a man who’ll take cute photos of you and dance salsa with you on Cuba? With whom You could talk about poetry and art? And who will be as cute as Park Bo-Gum? Any ideas? I’m not asking for friend, I’m asking for myself.

[songtoyou]

Chapter One: Move You

Would You Call That Love

Pairing: Chris Evans x Raina Morrison (OC) Rating: PG-13 (Will be 18+ for some chapters)

Description: There was always one person Chris Evans tended to turn to when he was not in a committed relationship, Raina Morrison. He could confide in her about things going on in his life that he did not feel comfortable talking to his family or close friends about. Chris and Raina were able to establish a way to communicate with one another openly but also being respectful of the other’s time and needs. It was the only constant “relationship” he had, but without all the nonsense of trying to build a life together. A “friends with benefits” situation.However, what happens when Chris starts rethinking his “relationship” with Raina and if either is willing to pursue something more?

Chapter Rating: PG

Warnings: Mention of anxiety

Word Count: 2,530

Note: This is the first fic I have written in ages. Everything about it is fiction. Sadly, I do not know Chris Evans and this is just a fictional take on his life. I do not permit this fic to be reposted on other platforms.  

Thank you to @southerngracela​ and @sullyosully for the support. I also want to give a shout out to @royallyprincesslilly​​ for the text divider. 

*Updated for grammar edits.

June 2019

The early morning sun was peeking out of the sky, and the air became crisper after a night of pouring rain. It was supposed to be a scorcher day in June, according to the weather reports. That was not something Chris Evans was looking forward to since he would have to be on-set partaking in outdoor scenes wearing sweaters, business suits, and heavy coats for most of the day. Despite the uncomfortableness his job could be at times; it was all worth it in the end. Acting was Chris’s passion, and he was fortunate to do it for a living. Chris knew he was lucky to be where he is at in his career. From the ups and downs to disappointing film projects that either went nowhere or were rejected by critics and moviegoers, it all helped steer Chris to become the actor he is today. 

With Captain America’s story arch now complete, Chris understood that it would take a while for audiences and some of his fans not just to see him as Steve Rogers. Taken on Marvel’s top Avenger’s mantle was one of the best decisions he ever made as it took his career to new heights. Yes, Chris had some reservations at first when he was approached for the role. He did not feel confident enough if he could handle the responsibility of playing such an iconic character. Chris was also worried about losing his anonymity. He liked being able to walk down the street with no one recognizing him or asking for a photo and autograph. Now Chris was lucky to make it a few blocks without someone yelling out at him or screaming “Captain America!”, it most definitely did not help ease his anxieties. 

“You got that Marvel money saved up. You can live comfortably while pursuing projects that people would not expect you to take. It’s a win-win situation for you,” said Raina, one of Chris’s best friends, when mentioning the project, Defending Jacob. 

“You sound like my mom when you say that,” Chris replied.

Raina laughed at that and said, “I take that as a compliment, you know.”

“Good. I meant it as one. You both don’t take shit from anyone. And I know you’ll always have my back as she does.” 

Raina and his mom kept telling him to accept the lead role as Andy Barber in Defending Jacob. And how it would not only be beneficial to his career, but also because 1.) the show was filming in Massachusetts so that he would be in his own home every night, and 2.) it was a role he never played before: a father.

Sipping his coffee, Chris stood on the porch of his house as he watched Dodger relieve himself. “Come on, buddy. Let’s get you some breakfast,” Chris waved Dodger over to get inside. The pup was happy to oblige his owner and trotted up the steps into the house.

Chris heard his cellphone buzz just as he put down Dodger’s food bowl. Reaching over the counter to retrieve it, Chris smiled when he saw the name pop up.

Raina: Why didn’t anyone tell me that New York is always hot as balls! I can’t take it!

Chris: I warned you about that, but you didn’t listen to me. What are you doing up so early?

Raina: Couldn’t sleep. Nervous about the preview shows for Moulin Rouge. It is coming up quickly. 

Chris: Again, congrats on Moulin Rouge. You got nothing to be nervous about; you are going to be great. 

Raina: I’m just worried if people will like the show. 

Chris: You and the crew wouldn’t have gotten to Broadway if people weren’t interested in seeing it, especially with you as Satine. This is what you were born to do. Scott, Ma, and I will be there on opening night. Carly and Shanna won’t be able to come but plan to see the show on a girls’ trip to New York later in the summer. I know both are proud of you as well. 

Raina: Stop! You are going to make me cry. All of you are so sweet. Seriously, I am forever grateful to you and your amazing family for supporting me all these years.

Chris: Can you believe it has been ten years since we met at that Vanity Fair photoshoot for West Side Story. 

Raina: Oh God! Do not remind of that shoot. I was a ball of nerves that day.

Chris: I thought the paramedics were going to need to be called for you.

Raina: Haha. Seriously though, they probably would have if you didn’t help calm me down.

 January 2009

“Wait, what is this photoshoot about?” Raina asked her manager, Jerry, who sighed in response.

“Raina, I’ve already told you. It is to celebrate the Broadway revival of West Side Story. The photographer is re-creating scenes from the film version,” explained Jerry.

Now it was Raina’s turn to let out a sigh. Despite being in the music industry since she was 16 years old, the whole idea of photoshoots still did not make her comfortable. Plus, the long hours, the bright lights, and the shoots’ craziness left Raina feeling drained. It was now adding other celebrities to the mix brought on a whole new set of anxieties.

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Jerry assured Raina and added, “Today’s going to be easy. You don’t have to worry about being front and center this time. You’ll be in the background so that you can relax.”

“If you say so,” Raina retorted with a small smile. She trusted Jerry.

When Raina finally arrived at the photoshoot, she was whisked away to hair and makeup and then onward to change her costume. She had already been introduced to her fellow photo mates, such as Ashley Tisdale and Robert Pattinson. Both were very pleasant and nice. 

“I am such a huge fan. I have all of your albums,” Ashley gushed admirably. 

“Thank you. That is very sweet of you to say. I loved your album ‘Headstrong,’ by the way. Such great bops,” Raina complimented, and Ashley’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

As the two made their way to the set, each shared what project they were currently working on until Ashley stopped dead in her tracks.

“What is it?” Raina asked, concerned.

“Chris Evans,” whispered Ashley and went on, “Chris Evans is over there.”

“Yeah, didn’t you know he’d be here? Oh my God, you guys didn’t use to date, did you?”

“Ha! I wish. He is just so cute,” Ashley said dreamily.

Raina just laughed and shook her head, “Yeah, he isn’t bad looking.”

They filmed the dance scene from the movie where Maria and Tony see each other for the first time. Camilla Belle and Ben Barnes were assigned the lead roles for the shoot. Raina had to admit; both looked the part. The photographer, Mark Seliger, gathered everyone around to discuss how the scene would go. He started placing people in their spots with Jennifer Lopez and Rodrigo Santoro in their positions as lead Shark dancers Anita and Bernardo, with Camilla and Ben on their respective sides. Ashley was assigned as a Jet girl dancing with Chris’s character, the Jets leader, Riff. 

Raina hid her smile when Ashley shook Chris’s hand and introduced herself. Poor thing looked as if she could faint. Settled in the back, Raina was one of the Sharks. She was perfectly content where she was at standing next to Minka Kelly and Jay Hernandez. The three would even make little side chat here and there. 

Overall, the photoshoot was going well. Until the bright lights, the loud music, and the uncomfortable costume started getting to Raina. She felt like she was going to pass out.  However, Raina was determined to pull through in fear of being labeled a “diva” or, worse, “difficult” to work with; that was not the kind of press she needed now. Remembering what her mother told her to do when the first signs of an anxiety attack were coming on was to breathe in and out. She did that a couple of times as she closed her eyes when Mark said they were changing film and wanted a couple more shots. 

Unsurprisingly, someone else was beginning to get restless during the shoot as well. Chris was not a fan of photoshoots. He always felt awkward and never understood what he was supposed to be doing. He would continuously worry if he were coming off stupid or looking like a fool. 

Chris was more cautious of the types of photoshoots he would take part in and made sure to steer clear of the ones wanting him to be viewed as eye-candy merely. He was working hard to make a trajectory in his career from heartthrob to serious actor. However, Chris knew he had more to prove to audiences and critics for them to see past his ‘Not Another Teen Movie’ or ‘Fantastic 4’ roles. 

Nevertheless, when he got word about Vanity Fair’s West Side Story photoshoot, Chris was immediately on board. He was a theater kid, after all, thanks to his mother. Similarly, with other shoots, it all starts the same. The photographer talks about the art direction of the shoot and expectations for the day.  

During the short breaks on set, Chris looked around to see the other actors and performers. While he knew some of the folks on set, he did not honestly know any of them personally. The only person he was more acquainted with was Camilla, and that was because both filmed the movie Push a year ago.

As Chris’s eyes roamed around the room, they landed on Raina, who was fanning herself with her hands. While others were making small talk, he noticed that Raina took deep breaths and her eyes were closed. She stepped down on the chair she was standing on to take a seat and put her head in her hands. 

Chris felt bad. He knew an anxiety attack when he saw one. Slowly making his way over to Raina, he kneeled in front of her.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chris asked in a whisper.

Raina jumped at the sound of his voice. She did not expect anyone to come up to check on how she was doing. She thought she was doing her best to be discreet.

“I don’t know. It’s too hot in here. The lights are hurting my eyes, and it’s hard to breathe,” Raina said, continuing to fan herself.

Instinctively, Chris reached out to hold one of Raina’s shaking hands to help calm her down. 

“Have you ever tried the 4-7-8 breathing technique?”

Raina shook her head no and said, “Never heard of that technique.”

“Trust me; it has helped me out a lot. Okay, so you’re going to breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven seconds, and exhale for eight seconds. Do you want to try it with me? Breathe in 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and exhale 1, 2, 3, 4 ,5, 6, 7, 8. Very good. Let’s do it again,” Chris calmly instructed Raina.

“I’ll get you some water. Just keeping doing the breathing exercises, okay.”

When Chris returned, he again kneeled in front of Raina and handed her the water cup.

“Thank you,” said Raina as she sipped slowly.

“You’re welcome.”

Raina let out a little chuckle, “I can’t believe I had an anxiety attack. I told Jerry I was worried about this happening. Again, thank you. I appreciate you helping me out,” expressed Raina gratefully.

As Raina continued to sip her water, Chris took the time to look at her. She was attractive, and he could tell she was a little bit younger than him. While this was Chris’s first-time meeting Raina, he had seen her before at other Hollywood functions. Neither having their paths cross until now.

“Okay, folks, let’s get back in your positions!” Mark yelled to get everyone’s attention.

“You going to be okay?” asked Chris as he stood up.

“Yes. I’m going to be fine,” answered Raina, standing up as well.

Chris helped her back up on the chair, and he returned to his spot next to Ashley. It was weird. No one else seemed to notice what went on between the two. It was like for those few short moments, Chris and Raina were in their own world. 

Chris kept stealing glances towards Raina for the rest of the shoot. He kept telling himself it was to make sure she was okay, not that he was drawn to her or anything. 

‘Don’t go there, Evans. The last thing you need is to be in a relationship, and she doesn’t look like the type to do hookups,’ Chris scolded himself and added, ‘Most likely won’t ever see her again after this day.’

“I am glad that it didn’t take long for us to meet again after that day. We do have Scott and Shanna to thank for that, by the way,” Chris happily reminded Raina.

He decided to call her that morning after their text exchange. He preferred hearing her voice anyways. 

“Oh yeah, at my concert in Boston. It was fate. We were destined to be friends.”

“Yep. Even though you are a fan of the New York Mets and Giants fan, I still love ya,” teased Chris.

Raina groaned, “Let us not bring up sports, shall we. It can only get ugly from here. Anyways, I’ll let you go. I gotta start heading out for rehearsals. Talk to you later. Bye,” said Raina.

“Bye, sweetheart. Take care,” replied Chris and ended the call. 

He looked over at Dodger, who had finished eating and was now lying in one of his dog beds near the kitchen table. As Chris continued to sip his coffee, he decided to make breakfast and went to the fridge to take some eggs. Once he got everything ready to begin cooking, his mind drifted to Raina. Chris noticed that his mind had been doing that more recently lately. 

For Chris, his relationship with Raina was more than just a friendship. She was someone he could confide in about things he was not comfortable bringing up to his family or close childhood friends. Their friendship evolved when both began a “friends with benefits” type of relationship. This would only occur when both were not in committed relationships with other people. 

Surprisingly, this arrangement only managed to make them closer friends. The boundaries they agreed upon were put in place not to fracture their friendship. He went into the situation not wanting to build some domesticated life with Raina. However, at times, Chris kept thinking if he could turn his friendship with Raina into something more. Something more than friends, more than sex buddies, but as a life partner. A wife and mother to his children.

‘Stop lying to yourself,’ Chris’s inner voice spoke up, ‘You’re in love with Raina. Just admit it!’

Nevertheless, Chris could not admit to himself. He was not ready to deal with those feelings for one of his closest friends. 

Not yet, at least. 

[thesteadydietofeverything]

Top 10 Games of 2019

This was an extremely good year for games. I don’t know if I played as many that will stick with me as I did last year, but the ones on the bottom half of this list in particular constitute some of my favorite games of the decade, and probably all-time. If I’ve got a gaming-related resolution for next year, it’s to put my playtime into supporting even smaller indie devs. My absolute favorite experiences in games this year came from seemingly out of nowhere games from teams I’ve previously never heard of before. That said, there are some big games coming up in spring I doubt I’ll be able to keep myself away from. Some quick notes/shoutouts before I get started:

-The game I put maybe the most time into this year was Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn. I finally made the plunge into neverending FF MMO content, and I’m as happy as I am overwhelmed. This was a big year for the game, between the release of the Shadowbringers expansion and the Nier: Automata raid, and it very well may have made it onto my list if I had managed to actually get to any of it. At the time of this writing, though, I’ve only just finished 2015’s Heavensward, so I’ve got...a long way to go. 

-One quick shoutout to the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy that came out on Switch this year, a remaster of some DS classics I never played. An absolutely delightful visual novel series that I fell in love with throughout this year.

-I originally included a couple games currently in early access that I’ve enjoyed immensely. I removed them not because of arbitrary rules about what technically “came out” this year, but just to make room for some other games I liked, out of the assumption that I’ll still love these games in their 1.0 formats when they’re released next year to include them on my 2020 list. So shoutout to Hades, probably the best rogue-like/lite/whatever I’ve ever played, and Spin Rhythm XD, which reignited my love for rhythm games.

-Disco Elysium isn’t on this list, because I’ve played about an hour of it and haven’t yet been hooked by it. But I’ve heard enough about it to be convinced that it is 1000% a game for me and something I need to get to immediately. They shouted out Marx and Engels at the Game Awards! They look so cool! I want to be their friend! And hopefully, a few weeks from now, I’ll desperately want to redact this list to squeeze this game somewhere in here.

Alright, he’s the actual list:

10. Amid Evil

The 90’s FPS renaissance continues! As opposed to last year’s Dusk, a game I adored, this one takes its cues less from Quake and more from Heretic/Hexen, placing a greater emphasis on melee combat and magic-fuelled projectiles than more traditional weapons. Also, rather than that game’s intentionally ugly aesthetic, this one opts for graphics that at times feel lush, detailed, and pretty, while still probably mostly fitting the description of lo-fi. In fact, they just added RTX to the game, something I’m extremely curious to check out. This game continued to fuel my excitement about the possibilities of embracing out-of-style gameplay mechanics to discover new and fresh possibilities from a genre I’ve never been able to stop yearning for more of.

9. Ape Out

If this were a “coolest games” list, Ape Out would win it, easily. It’s a simple game whose mechanics don’t particularly evolve throughout the course of its handful of hours, but it leaves a hell of an impression with its minimalist cut-out graphics, stylish title cards, and percussive soundtrack. Smashing guards into each other and walls and causing them to shoot each other in a mad-dash for the exit is a fun as hell take on Hotline Miami-esque top down hyper violence, even if it’s a thin enough concept that it starts to feel a bit old before the end of the game.

8. Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I had a lot of problems with this game, probably most stemming from just how damn long it is - I still haven’t finished my first, and likely only, playthrough. This length seems to have motivated the developers to make battles more simple and easy, and to be fair, I would get frustrated if I were getting stuck on individual battles if I couldn’t stop thinking about how much longer I have to go, but as it is, I’ve just found them to be mostly boring. This is particularly problematic for a game that seems to require you to play through it at least...three times to really get the full picture? I couldn’t help but admire everything this game got right, though, and that mostly comes down to building a massive cast of extremely well realized and likable characters whose complex relationships with each other and with the structures they pledge loyalty to fuels harrowing drama once the plot really sets into motion. There’s a reason no other game inspired such a deluge of memes and fan fiction and art into my Twitter feed this year. It’s an impressive feat to convince every player they’ve unquestionably picked the right house and defend their problem children till the bitter end. After the success of this game, I’d love to see what this team can do next with a narrower focus and a bigger budget.

7. Resident Evil 2

It’s been a long time since I played the original Resident Evil 2, but I still consider it to be one of my favorite games of all time. I was highly skeptical of this remake at first, holding my stubborn ground that changing the fixed camera to a RE4-style behind the back perspective would turn this game more into an action game and less of a survival horror game where feeling a lack of control is part of the experience. I was pleasantly surprised to find how much they were able to modernize this game while maintaining its original feel and atmosphere. The fumbly, drifting aim-down sights effectively sell the feeling of being a rookie scared out of your wits. Being chased by Mr. X is wildly anxiety-inducing. But even more surprisingly, perhaps the greatest upgrade this game received was its map, which does you the generous service of actually marking down automatically where puzzles and items are, which rooms you’ve yet to enter, which ones you’ve searched entirely, and which ones still have more to discover. Arguably, this disrupts the feeling of being lost in a labyrinthine space that the original inspired, but in practice, it’s a remarkably satisfying and addicting video game system to engage with.

6. Judgment

No big surprise here - Ryu ga Gotoku put out another Yakuza-style game set in Kamurocho, and once again, it’s sitting somewhere on my top 10. This time, they finally put Kazuma Kiryu’s story to bed and focused on a new protagonist, down on his luck lawyer-turned-detective Takayuki Yagami. The new direction doesn’t always pay off - the added mechanics of following and chasing suspects gets a bit tedious. The game makes up for it, though, by absolutely nailing a fun, engrossing J-Drama of a plot entirely divorced from the Yakuza lore. The narrative takes several head-spinning turns through its several dozen hours, and they all feel earned, with a fresh sense of focus. The side stories in this one do even more to make you feel connected to the community of Kamurocho by befriending people from across the neighborhood. I’d love to see this team take even bigger swings in the future - and from what I’ve seen from Yakuza 7, that seems exactly like what they’re doing - but even if this game shares maybe a bit too much DNA with its predecessors, it’s hard to complain when the writing and acting are this enjoyable.

5. Control

Control feels like the kind of game that almost never gets made anymore. It’s a AAA game that isn’t connected to any larger franchises and doesn’t demand your attention for longer than a dozen hours. It doesn’t shoehorn needless RPG or MMO mechanics into its third-person action game formula to hold your attention. It introduces a wildly clever idea, tells a concise story with it, and then its over. And there’s something so refreshing about all of that. The setting of The Oldest House has a lot to do with it. I think it stands toe-to-toe with Rapture or Black Mesa as an instantly iconic game world. Its aesthetic blend of paranormal horror and banal government bureaucracy gripped my inner X-Files fan instantly, and kept him satisfied not only with its central characters and mystery but with a generous bounty of redacted documents full of worldbuilding both spine-tingling and hilarious. More will undoubtedly come from this game, in the form of DLC and possibly even more, with the way it ties itself into other Remedy universes, and as much as I expect I will love it, the refreshing experience this base game offered me likely can’t be beat.

4. Anodyne 2

I awaited Sean Han Tani and Marina Kittaka’s new game more anxiously than almost any game that came out this year, despite never having played the first one, exclusively on my love for last year’s singular All Our Asias and the promise that this game would greatly expand on that one’s Saturn/PS1-esque early 3D graphics and personal, heartfelt storytelling. Not only was I not disappointed, I was regularly pleasantly surprised by the depth of narrative and themes the game navigates. This game takes the ‘legendary hero’ tropes of a Zelda game and flips them to tell a story about the importance of community and taking care of loved ones over duty to governments or organizations. The dungeons that similarly reflect a Link to the Past-era Zelda game reduce the maps to bite-sized, funny, clever designs that ask you to internalize unique mechanics that result in affecting conclusions. Plus, it’s gorgeously idiosyncratic in its blend of 3D and 2D environments and its pretty but off-kilter score. It’s hard to believe something this full and well realized came from two people. 

3. Eliza

Eliza is a work of dystopian fiction so closely resembling the state of the world in 2019 it’s hard to even want to call it sci-fi. As a proxy for the Eliza app, you speak the words of an AI therapist that offers meager, generic suggestions as a catch-all for desperate people facing any number of the nightmares of our time. The first session you get is a man reckoning with the state the world is in - we’ve only got a few more years left to save ourselves from impending climate crisis, destructive development is rendering cities unlivable for anyone but the super-rich, and the people who hold all the power are just making it all worse. The only thing you offer to him is to use a meditation app and take some medication. It doesn’t take long for you to realize that this whole structure is much less about helping struggling people and more about mining personal data.

There’s much more to this story than the grim state of mental health under late capitalism, though. It’s revealed that Evelyn, the character you play as, has a much closer history with Eliza than initially evident. Throughout the game, she’ll reacquaint herself with old coworkers, including her two former bosses who have recently split and run different companies over their differing frightening visions for the future. The game offers a biting critique of the kind of tech company optimism that brings rich, eccentric men to believe they can solve the world’s problems within the hyper-capitalist structure they’ve thrived under, and how quickly this mindset gives way to techno-fascism. There’s also Evelyn’s former team member, Nora, who has quit the tech world in favor of being a DJ “activist,” and her current lead Rae, a compassionate person who genuinely believes in the power of Eliza to better people’s lives. The writing does an excellent job of justifying everyone’s points of view and highlighting the limits of their ideology without simplifying their sense of morality.

Why this game works so well isn’t just its willingness to stare in the face of uncomfortably relevant subject matter, but its ultimately empathetic message. It offers no simple solutions to the world’s problems, but also avoids falling into utter despair. Instead, it places measured but inspiring faith in the power of making small, meaningful impacts on the people around you, and simply trying to put some good into your world. It’s a game both terrifying and comforting in its frank conclusions.

2. Death Stranding

For a game as willfully dumb as this one often is - that, for example, insists on giving all of its characters with self-explanatory names long monologues about how they got that name - Death Stranding was one of the most thought provoking games I’ve played in a while. Outside of its indulgent, awkwardly paced narrative, the game offers plenty of reflection on the impact the internet has had on our lives. As Sam Porter Bridges, you’re hiking across a post-apocalyptic America, reconnecting isolated cities by delivering supplies, building infrastructure, and, probably most importantly, connecting them to the Chiral Network, an internet of sorts constructed of supernatural material of nebulous origin. Through this structure, the game offers surprisingly insightful commentary about the necessity for communication, cooperation, and genuine love and care within a community.

The lonely world you’re tasked to explore, and the way you’re given blips of encouragement within the solitude through the structures and “likes” you give and receive through the game’s asynchronous multiplayer system, offers some striking parallels for those of us particularly “online” people who feel simultaneous desperation for human contact and aversion to social pressures. I’ve heard the themes of this game described as “incoherent” due to the way it seems to view the internet both as a powerful tool to connect people and a means by which people become isolated and alienated, but are both of these statements not completely true to reality? The game simplifies some of its conclusions - Kojima seems particularly ignorant of America’s deep structural inequities and abuses that lead to a culture of isolation and alienation. And yet, the questions it asks are provocative enough that they compelled me to keep thinking about them far longer than the answers it offers.

Beyond the surprisingly rich thematic content, this game is mostly just a joy to play. Death Stranding builds kinetic drama out of the typically rote parts of games. Moving from point A to point B has become an increasingly tedious chore in the majority of AAA open world games, but this is a game built almost entirely out of moving from point A to point B, and it makes it thrilling. The simple act of walking down a hill while trying to balance a heavy load on your back and avoiding rocks and other obstacles fulfills the promise of the term ‘walking simulator’ in a far more interesting way than most games given that descriptor. The game consistently doles out new ways to navigate terrain, which peaked for me about two thirds of the way through the game when, after spending hours setting up a network of zip lines, a delivery offered me the opportunity to utilize the entire thing in a wildly satisfying journey from one end of the map to another. It was the gaming moment of the year.

1. Outer Wilds

The first time the sun exploded in my Outer Wilds playthrough, I was probably about to die anyway. I had fallen through a black hole, and had yet to figure out how to recover from that, so I was drifting listlessly through space with diminishing oxygen as the synths started to pick up and I watched the sun fall in on itself and then expand throughout the solar system as my vision went went. The moment gave me chills, not because I wasn’t already doomed anyway, but because I couldn’t help but think about my neighbors that I had left behind to explore space. I hadn’t known that mere minutes after I left the atmosphere the solar system would be obliterated, but I was at least able to watch as it happened. They probably had no idea what happened. Suddenly their lives and their planet and everything they had known were just...gone. And then I woke up, with the campfire burning in front of me, and everyone looking just as I had left it. And I became obsessed with figuring out how to stop that from happening again. 

What surprised me is that every time the sun exploded, it never failed to produce those chills I felt the first time. This game is masterful in its art, sound, and music design that manages to produce feelings so intense from an aesthetic so quaint. Tracking down fellow explorers by following the sound of their harmonica or acoustic guitar. Exploring space in a rickety vessel held together by wood and tape. Translating logs of conversations of an ancient alien race and finding the subject matter of discussion to be about small interpersonal drama as often as it is revelatory secrets of the universe. All of the potentially twee aspects of the game are balanced out by an innate sense of danger and terror that comes from exploring space and strange worlds alone. At times, the game dips into pure horror, making other aspects of the presentation all the more charming by comparison. And then there’s the clockwork machinations of the 22-minute loop you explore within, rewarding exploration and experimentation with reveals that make you feel like a genius for figuring out the puzzle at the same time that you’re stunned by the divulgence of a new piece of information.

The last few hours of the game contained a couple puzzles so obfuscated that I had to consult a guide, which admittedly lessened the impact of those reveals, but it all led to one of the most equally devastating and satisfying endings I’ve experienced in a video game recently. I really can’t say enough good things about this game. It’s not only my favorite game this year, but easily one of my favorite games of the decade, and really, of all-time, when it comes down to it.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

as we are exchanging asks, something you asked me once: 10 favorite characters from 10 different operas and what you like about them?

an extremely delayed response, all apologies, and also it’s past midnight right now so perhaps I should be sleeping and I’ll try to keep this somewhat short (and probably fail), but anyway, to answer your question:

1. Don Carlo(s): I love just about everyone in this opera (except you, Grand Inquisitor. you can go die) but if I had to choose one, I’d go with the absolute icon that is Princess Éboli. The thing I love about her most, I think, is how wonderfully complicated and real she is. I mean, she loves life, she’s a fierce badass, she does some horrible things for...lots of different reasons, but she does her absolute best to set things right again. In short, an extremely relatable, amazing, gorgeous Disaster Bi. Also: Verdi mezzo, so epic-as-hell music.

2. La traviata: Violetta Valéry. She doesn’t have much in the way of competition within her opera, but I’m still putting her on here because she’s one of my favorite characters in anything ever, and one of the first fictional ladies on whom I developed a hardcore crush. Something people forget about courtesans is that they were more than just...sex objects. They were smart ladies who oftentimes set the pace for upper-class life even as they were privately scorned for their position. And Marie Duplessis (on whom Violetta is based) is pretty much your ultimate rags-to-riches story (although we know how it ultimately ends). So Violetta goes from having nothing to teaching herself the ways of the world, climbs to the top of Parisian society, then decides she wants to give it all up for true love and fulfillment. While she didn’t choose the right guy IMO, she’s incredibly brave and bold and sensitive and she cares so much about everyone and she gives up her happiness so many times and I can’t and I love her so much and also her music is amazing and excuse me while I go cry. Also I need to make these shorter.

3. Simon Boccanegra: There’s my boy, Simon! One: I am a sucker for Good Baritones. Two: I am particularly a sucker for Good or Good-at-Heart Tormented Verdi Baritones. Three: THIS GUY. All he wants is to have peace and be with his family. That’s it. He’s so good and kind and amazing but also he is taking exactly no one’s BS (just listen to that Council Chamber scene!). He takes a position he didn’t want in the hope that he’ll be able to win Maria, but then she dies, but then he still uses his position to try to reconcile the factions anyway (and surprisingly enough, he’s pretty successful?). And him as a dad MY HEART. 

4. Falstaff: Alice Ford, aka area 15th-century mistress of the house who has the mind of a 21st-century woman and is absolutely iconic for it. She’s incredibly smart and funny and clever and such a sweet person and great mom. She takes no one’s crap whatsoever and she outsmarts both Ford and Falstaff at every turn. She’s the ultimate ‘girls supporting girls’ lady and she gives the middle finger to the concepts of women just being good for being men’s playthings and of arranged marriage. And she knows how to have fun with it all. My one complaint: VERDI WHAT WERE YOU THINKING NOT GIVING HER A BADASS ARIA. That’s all.

5. Carmen: Carmen, my first love...I fell in love with her Habañera and her sheer confidence when I was 7 (and not realizing what it was about, may or may not have attempted to sing it on the playground at school, much to everyone’s confusion, but that’s a story for another time) and I’ve loved her since. I love her freedom, her huge self-confidence, her devil-may-care attitude, and every last note of her music. I just love her as a person. And of course, the iconic ‘‘Free was I born, and free I will die!” That right there is a life motto.

6. Eugene Onegin: My fellow book-loving, perpetually-dreaming nerd Tatyana Larina. Of course, I love her because of how sheerly relatable she is but there are so many other reasons as well. Like her and her sister’s dynamic. And the way she grows up and matures. And the way she’s not afraid to set some damn boundaries with Onegin, indeed, tell him no. That’s a strong girl right there, and while I wish she’d been able to get Onegin and true happiness...I’m not sure a relationship with Onegin would’ve worked out, and I’m proud of her for realizing that such a relationship (and perpetually fantasizing about it) could be extremely unhealthy and moving on. And oh God, her music. Especially the letter scene, which is every writer on an inspiration binge. And the final scene. Anyway.

7. Guillaume Tell: This is another ‘I love just about all the characters in this opera but welp I have to choose just one’ opera, and my choice is Guillaume Tell himself. First off: see #4. Second off: He’s just??? such an incredible person in every way like how is it possible to be that great of a human being??? He’s brave, he sticks up for what he believes in, he’s always willing to give others a helping hand, he’s super-enthusiastic, he’s a great husband/dad/friend, he’ll do anything for the people he cares about, he will readily call those who need it out on their BS...anyway we STAN him on this blog. Also, Rossini. And that incredibly gorgeous aria ‘Sois immobile’. I die.

8. Les Huguenots: Yet another grand opéra where I love the vast majority of the characters, and while I am 99% sure you already know the answer to this, I’ll say it again: it’s the only, the only Valentine de Saint-Bris, who just so happens to be incredibly amazing. She’s so...real and expressive and she’s someone I just personally feel like I get, like I see a little (okay more than that) of myself in her because of how real and relatable she is (I wrote a few posts a while back about why I headcanon that she has a severe undiagnosed anxiety disorder, which was...a major part of the story of my life for a while and to a lesser extent still is, but I digress) and also how amazing of a person she is. She’s not willing to just sit idly by while the world around her falls apart and the people she loves turn on each other (and eventually her). She’s one of the few people on either side of the aisle who’s like ‘this whole religious war thing is stupid and y’all need to stop’ and when things go from bad to worse, she puts herself out there in the middle of it all to save the people she cares about most (oh, also, remember how she just. stormed into the royal palace, demanded an interview with the Queen Mother, got it, and then used said interview to get a way to save Raoul and Marcel? yeah me too), and then when that fails, she literally renounces her own faith rather than belong to a religion that is committing actual crimes against humanity. and while she still fights to the bitter end, she still believes there’s a way to redemption for everyone and forgives her dad and JUST...I die. Also her music’s great but like. I love her mostly for her story.

9. Benvenuto Cellini: I am falling in love with this opera and literally all of its characters more and more every day, but my favorite character is probably Benvenuto Cellini himself, who is a) one of the few Not-Dumb tenors in opera and b) is a (mostly) Good Tenor. He loves life, he loves his art, he loves Teresa, and there are so many times where he is just such a Mood (see pretty much his entire second-act aria). Also, dude is GUTSY as hell. I mean, he literally gets the Pope to give him...pretty much everything he wants in exchange for the statue. That right there is an iconic moment. I don’t have a whole lot else to say about the character because it’s still kind of a new opera to me, but anyway he’s super-cool and I love him.

10. Les contes d’Hoffmann: Nicklausse! (Also his incarnation as the Muse, but mostly Nicklausse) He gets some of the best music in the whole thing (the Violin Aria anyone? or the Barcarolle with Giulietta?) and also he’s one of my favorite trouser roles. He’s super-ambiguous— is he really Hoffmann’s buddy or is he actually secretly working for Lindorf or is he going back and forth or is he somehow trying to help Hoffmann through working with Lindorf??? But one thing’s for sure: he’s by turns funny, serious, caring, devious...and I love him all the time. And his Musely work...ugh, the Muse gets me every time. Also, I invariably picture Kate Lindsey in the Sher production and that is a LOOK.

That’s all, sorry about the wait, and here you go! ❤️

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #454

Top Ten Launch Games 

Oooh, it’s finally here!  

By the time you read this, the Xbox Series X/S consoles will be out, and the PlayStation 5 will be imminent if not already with us. At the time of writing I’ve yet to sample either console, although hopefully that will soon change. However, it’s a bit of a weird console launch, especially for Xbox owners, as there’s not much in the way of actual launch titles. PlayStation has the excellent-looking technical showcase (in that it shows off their sexy new controller, if not necessarily the excesses of the console’s visual prowess) Astro’s Playroom. But on the Xbox side, the only genuine first-party exclusive (not including the port of rather smashing PC title Gears Tactics) was to be the troubled Halo Infinite, which has now been pushed to next year to deal with some of its apparent graphical deficiencies. For what it’s worth, as a Halo fan, I thought the actual gameplay presented looked as good as it always has, so I’m still very excited, but it’s a shame not to sample something genuinely new and shiny at launch. For me, then – as someone not getting a PlayStation this year – I’m going to have to contend myself with updated versions of older games, and hopefully something like the really exciting-looking The Falconeer or, eventually, Cyberpunk 2077.  

Of course, it’s not always been like this; in the past, a landmark game has often been the core reason to upgrade to a new console. Certain titles have defined their hardware platforms, offering a taste of the experiences to come, be it through revolutionary control systems, previously-unimaginable graphics, or simply by shattering preconceptions and expectations. As such, this weekend I’m celebrating my favourite launch titles. 

Now, a couple of my usual caveats. I’ve hardly owned any consoles in the grand scheme of things; I was a computer gamer until the launch of the first Xbox, and even then was PC-first until about midway through the 360’s life. As such I came to a lot of these late, or played them on friends’ systems. I’m sure a videogame historian would give you another list, one that was able to put each title into its historical perspective. For my part, I’m mostly basing it on how much I like the game, but I am also trying to weight it in terms of its “importance”. I mean, one of my favourite “launch titles” of all time would be Lego Marvel Super Heroes on the Xbox One/PS4, but that seems a bit of a ridiculous game to call a launch title, especially as it doesn’t really show off the hardware or define the generation in any particular way. I just think it rocks. So I’m trying to judge it also in terms of how effective a given game was at being a launch title, as well as my personal preference; as such, some games, which I think are more emblematic of their time or their hardware, might end up higher in the list than if I was otherwise just ranking my favourites.  

Christ, that was boring. Look, here are ten games that I like that came out when a console came out. Have at it. 

Halo: Combat Evolved (Xbox, 2001): it’s not just that it made playing an FPS on a console as comfortable and enjoyable as on PC, but it revolutionised what an FPS could do. Expansive open landscapes, dynamic combat with intelligent enemies, an ingenious shield/health combo, two weapons, drivable vehicles, and frankly outstanding graphics. And for Xbox – a curious underdog, a big black sheep devoid of cool or class and feeling like Microsoft was trying to buy its way into the console space with a hefty dose of brute force – here was something unique, something incredible. I don’t think anyone quite expected Halo, and it’s arguable that it single-handedly changed not only Microsoft and Xbox’s fortunes but the entire game industry too.  

Wii Sports (Wii, 2005): the Wii was this strange outlier, a tiny white box that eschewed the grunt and girth of its rivals, and seemingly built around its unique motion controller. Would it work? Wii Sports proved that yes it would, a delightful bundle of games that perfectly showed what the console and controller could do. Immense fun in and of itself, but the Wii’s ability to lower the barrier of entry to non-gamers meant that your dad could thrash your brother at bowling. And that is a thing to cherish forever. 

Tetris (GameBoy, 1989): depending on where you look, Tetris may just be the best-selling game of all time. It’s on everything now, from the Xbox Series X to your watch. But there was a time when “Tetris” meant “GameBoy”; that four-colour greenscreen box of wonder that everybody had but me. It was beyond ubiquitous, and its short-form nature and simplistic styling made it ideal for the portable console, its chirpy and iconic music sounding perfect coming from those tiny speakers. And above all else, of course, Tetris is fantastic, one of the greatest games of all time. It was a perfect marriage of software and hardware. 

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch, 2017): so here’s the thing: I like Zelda, but I’ve never fallen in love with it. I didn’t grow up with it, so coming to Ocarina of Time, there were too many old-fashioned trappings in the way; it just didn’t feel as enthralling or as fun to play as, say, Half-Life or Deus Ex. BOTW changed that; the limitations were gone, the world was blown wide open. It no longer felt like an 80s game in three dimensions, it felt new. Better than new – it felt like tomorrow. Despite the Switch being graphically weaker than its contemporaries, BOTW was and is simply gorgeous to look at, but it’s how it plays, how it feels like a vast but real world, how it has its own rules and they make sense instantly. It’s the greatest open world game of all time, and emergent physics sandbox, and yet it’s still unquestionably Zelda, emphatically Nintendo. Okay, it technically came out on the Wii U at the same time, but who the hell played that? This was the game that made you want a Switch.  

Super Mario 64 (N64, 1997): this is often the game people cite as being one of the great revolutionary launch titles, but I must confess its charms were lost to me at first. Taking what was great about Mario and converting it expertly into 3D was a heck of a feat; graphically for the time it certainly impressed in the scale of its worlds, and whilst back then I felt it lacked the detail and granularity of some PC titles, in retrospect it was a perfectly-suited art style, offering smooth textures even when right up close. But it was its precise controls and the open, hub-based nature of its worlds that was revolutionary; many games aped its style, but it took a long time before anything really matched it.  

Hexic HD (Xbox 360, 2005): not every game here has to be some genre-busting graphical powerhouse; they can be simple but quietly revolutionary. Hexic HD is a terrific puzzle game with a simple hook, brilliantly executed, and enough intrigue and nuance to keep you coming back for one more go, to beat your high score, to get to the next tricksy level. But the time and manner of its release, and what that signified, marked it out as something more important. It was the first Xbox Live Arcade title; Microsoft’s curated gallery of smaller, more indie-flavoured games. More than that, it was free, coming pre-installed on all Xbox 360 Pros (the ones with the removable hard drive). It was a taste of what was to come, introducing audiences not only to the idea of playing these kinds of smaller, less intense games on a console, but also the idea of purchasing and downloading them digitally. It was great and ground-breaking in equal measure.  

WipEout (PlayStation, 1995): I kinda missed the PlayStation generation. I was still, more or less, in my PC-centric “consoles are toys” mindset (which I wouldn’t fully shake off till the release of the N64). But I came to appreciate its qualities as a cool, exciting, super-fast futuristic racer. I’m pretty sure it’s not the first 3D hover-car racing game, but it was presented in such a groovy package that it ticket all the boxes, and helped show off just what the PlayStation was capable of in terms of its 3D graphics and CD sound. And, of course, it helped define the console as being a bit more edgy and grown-up than the previous Nintendo and Sega stalwarts. 

Super Mario Bros. (NES, 1988): what can be said about one of the most iconic games of all time? Mario Bros defined not only a console, not only a generation, but arguably an entire artform. Creating what we now know as a platform game, it expanded and surpassed the basic template of Donkey Kong into a roaming adventure, part twitch-gaming reaction test, part puzzle game. I played a lot of copycat games on my Amiga, but even then, as a whiny computer brat, I knew that Mario was better. Even when my cousins got a MegaDrive and Sonic, I knew – deep in my heart – that Mario was better. It's a deep game, an endlessly replayable game, a supremely fair game despite its difficulty. I think it’s hard to overstate just how good, or how influential, Mario was. 

Project Gotham Racing (Xbox, 2001): I tried hard to pick a different platform for every game in this list, but I couldn’t exclude PGR. This may be tied up with my biography a little bit, but my other half and I played this game to death. I never think of myself as a big racer fan, but every once in a while a title comes out that I just really, really get into – Jaguar XJ220 on the Amiga, Midtown Madness on PC, the Forza Horizon series nowadays – and PGR did that in spades. A gorgeous arcade racer, it was a great launch title to show off the sheer grunt of the Xbox; then, as now, the most powerful console on the market. It also offered a terrific four-player split-screen. But its Kudos feature – borrowed from semi-prequel Metropolis Street Racer – offered ways to win outside of sheer racing graft, awarding cool driving. I still love the original, and I kinda wish they’d bring back or reimagine its city-based driving for a future release or Forza spin-off. 

Lumines: Puzzle Fusion (PSP, 2004): okay, so this is a bit of a cheat as I've barely played the original PSP version, but Lumines is just phenomenal; the best moving-blocks-around game since Tetris, and probably the most influential one since then too (for the record, I've played it extensively on multiple other platforms). An excellent spin on a Tetris-a-like, its use of music and colour made it a beautiful, brilliant sensory experience. With Sony entering the handheld market, the PSP needed a USP, something vibrant and cool that suited a portable experience, and Lumines provided it in spades; also its funky visuals and music was a good fit for Sony’s brand.  

Well, that was fun, and a lot harder than I expected. If you’re enjoying a new console this Christmas, then hopefully you’ll have fun with one of the new launch titles too – even if I doubt any (apart from maybe Astro) would trouble a list like this in the future (although I do think The Falconeer looks all kinds of cool). 

[spacegaywritings]

Communication of Silence - Chapter 12 “Spi(c)es 2″

Summary: Virgil runs into Patton at therapy. Turns out Patton, Virgil and Picani all know one another.

Tags: therapy, panic, anxiety, grounding techniques, a lot of stress for Virgil, miscommunication, apologies, soft logan, supportive patton, coffee mention, skin picking, fidgeting

ao3: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 12,5 / 13 / 14 + Tumblr: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 12,5 / 13 / 14 +

  My KoFi  - Support me ♥ or Commission me

 Story under the cut (Word count ~6k):

Virgil carefully stepped out of the room, legs a bit shaky and heart light.

Their mind was still trying to wrap around the that leaving this room was akin the world of hope and falling back into the pits of darkness. Knowledge a dagger in their hand to cut through every tendril of doubt and mishap that attempted to pull them into the abyss of despair once more. 

 Sometimes, talking was harder than they liked it to be but at least it was over. It equipped them with the right tools to figure themself out, to make life in the darkness better. At some point, they would find their light and banish every and all lingering piece of threatening shadows. 

Admittedly, they did feel better. Their body was just shook from all the feelings and shit. Battling your demons was a chore but winning them over was a privilege of knowing how to. Sometimes trial and error was enough.

Sometimes, people needed to dip into the confidentiality of a professional to master the art of negotiating peace with oneself. 

 Stupid feelings.

 Life was already hard enough. 

Living with toxic thinking was unnecessarily exhaustive. It felt like an extra punishment after every hardship people went through. 

 From all they knew, it was worth it. 

Going out, hands free and heart open was a blessing. Exploring the outside with an objective vision instead of spiking darkness at any corner of their mind.. it was.. it was a relief. 

Work came with it, sure, but what in life didn't come without a price? Virgil had already decided that therapy was annoying. But it was annoying and absolutely worth it. 

Ever time they stepped out of the care of their therapist, they knew their world was painted in new colours. Every time they opened their eyes to see new kindness and be surprised by a sudden brightness around them, they felt affirmed in their decision to stick with it and fight the battle of his own absurd thinking. 

The student ran their hands through purple hair and sighed once more.

It was over.

It was helpful.

They had done all that had been asked from them.

 Their shoulders were lighter and, as usual, life seemed a bit kinder than before. 

On top of that... 

A realisation nudged them and a smile appeared on their face.

Dee!

Within a split second, they already took their phone out and unlocked the screen with swift movements. Their eyes barely looked at the password as their fingers confirmed it and immediately clicked the messenger icon to contact Dee.

 By now, she should be done with work. Or at least soon. They shot a quick message to her. Just to make sure she was informed.

   *Conversation between Dee♥ and you.*

 Today.

 You, 3.51pm: Did your stupid therapy. Happy?

(sent)

  “Oh, Virgil. What on earth are you doing here?”

 A voice of genuine surprise banged against heir head and ripped them out of his comfortable thought bubble of being together with Dee by the next day. 

For now, the dream was squished back onto the bench. With drops of disappointment souring their mind for the moment. 

Instead, they were met with the rather neutral and beige office in which people were received for therapy.

 Reality.

 Before them, the familiar sigh of a certain walking hug made their spiking heartbeat calm down and refrain from thumping up their throat.

 “P-patton?”, they asked in a small voice, their question coming out as a startled squeaking more than anything at this point.

They sounded unusually quiet and insecure compared to how Patton perceived them during the last days. It reminded him an odd amount of when they had met for the first time and Virgil had resembled a scared, abandoned kitten in the streets that was met with a stranger’s warm hands for the first time.

 Virgil swallowed their dumb question away and shrugged the obvious answer into their conversation.

 “I, u.. I could ask you the same. You came for an appointment?”

 Patton chuckled and shook his head, his ginger candy strands of hair flying wildly and eventually nestling against his pale skin once more.

He looked like a little pastel prince of the kindness and forgiveness kingdom. 

 “Aw, no kiddo. I do not go to therapy, I am learning how to provide for other people. I am working with Dr. Picani for my master’s thesis. I only came by to drop something for him at the reception.”

 As if on cue, the leading therapist in question stormed out of his office and waved at Patton. If Emile had been a life guard this would have meant the worst of all cases. But what did frantic waving stand for at the therapist's? 

 “Patton, wait a min-”

 His outcry was interrupted as he finally made his way over to the two talking students. Apparently, his mind took a while to comprehend the view before him as well as the fact that he was still in the middle of a sentence.

 “Oh Virgil, how come you are here today?”

 The emphasis on the last word was the core of his question. 

There was no wonder about them being there at all. 

Virgil shuffled their shoes and looked down to be met with the sight of one green and one purple shoe. The green one had leaves and bamboo sticks drawn all over it in a darker shade of green - much like the forest's rich leaves during midsummer. The purple one had a little galaxy-like image on the inside of where their ankle should be. Rain showers of white suns and blue glimmers adorned the little piece of space. 

They had drawn it on their own after dyeing their godforsaken, old-as-balls shoes. Kyle had inspired them to fix them up with some nifty drawings. Now they looked admirably special and were worth being desired greatly. 

 “Emergency session”, they said, shrugging, “I am all good, now. Promise, Em.”

 They did not realise the slight frown weighing Patton’s candybrows down just the slightest bit. Within just a moment, the shadow of doubt was gone and he decided to take the lead of the conversation.

 The confusion still left an imprint on the back of his mind. He had never heard anyone talk so intimately to Emile. It was not his business but a part of him wondered, how Virgil and Picani knew each other. 

Curiosity was indeed a human vice. 

But.. pet names like this were usually not exactly a therapy-client relationship.

Not his business, he reminded himself with waning patience. 

 “Anyway, what did you want from me? I can be right on my way and let you two catch up after you told me.”

 Emile’s face lightened up in realisation and he revealed a rather familiar sports bag Virgil had seen on him before. It was Patton’s and he had seen him return from his night shifts with this. 

Did he have another shift right now? All the more reason to consider Ri's offer. 

 “You forgot your bag when you dropped your scripts over here. Thank you for not being cranky about me being so busy - I was just on a call right now and couldn't delay it. ”

 It was Virgil’s turn to move their face, one single eyebrow arching up for just a moment.

Emile evidently avoided looking at them as he spoke these words. That bastard totally hid something. 

 A call.. hmm. 

 Patton noticed the change with a little pat to his heart but he took a deep breath to shift his attention back to the topic at hand.

It wasn't his business, no matter how tempting and curious it seemed to be. If any of them wanted to talk, they would decide that. Not he. 

 “Ah, yes. Thank you so much. I was on the way home now. Virgil, do you want me to wait for you and take you with me?”

 Oh holy fucking shit.

Virgil bit their lip and looked at the tallest of the three, an undefinable tension in their eyes. Not once before had Patton seen a look of trouble like that before. Not from the usually either shy and cautious kitten or the straight up fierce tiger that was the smaller punk. 

 “I-...”

 Their mouth simply stood open and they blinked at Patton as if he had just asked them to choose between two of his dearest friends - one would be lost forever and never to be met or befriended again, while the other one was ensured to stay around by force of magic and the supernatural law of weird situations and horrible choices forced onto people.

 No one would take a decision as that lightly. 

The small student just shrugged but before they could even open their mouth to speak up again, Emile was audibly gasping.

 “No way, you two are living together! This is amazing! I never knew! Look at you two making a great duo! I bet you are getting along so well!”

 At once, a warmth settled on Patton’s face and his head moved to a nod while Virgil shrugged and stole a single glance at the giant.

Their cheeks grew warm and redder.

 “Guess‘s not so bad”

 Virgil grimaced but the soft laugh from Patton and affirming “you are lovely to cook with”, let their lips move from awkward grin to a genuine, lop-sided smile.

 The doctor in pastel pink and beige brown was producing an air of warmth.

 “I am sure you are a team, better than Jessie and James!"

  Patton gave the comment a little chuckle and Virgil shook their head yet a smile was still visible on their face.

They would never be able to deny just how much they relished in the simplicity of these jokes making any situation less awkward. If it was not for any other person, Virgil knew that the ginger giant from candyland was definitely the person at fault for them enjoying stupid puns so much.

 He just strategically used them so well in any situation. It was like the right tool to disarm any bomb about to explode and he did it without breaking a sweat.

Emile was just silly - a little less cunning and definitely more upfront about negative vibes.

 Maybe it was because he was older and knew to address certain issues. Perhaps Patton just wanted to keep peace?

 They were overthinking.

They had to stop.

Now.

 Before Virgil could go on a mental rant to yell at themself for still ruminating over it and possibly kicking themself into disliking Patton, an all-too familiar sound came up. The sound that appeared whenever “Law and Order” switched between scenes or skipped time or anything.

 Virgil jolted a bit but reacted fast.

 “Holy snowflake, this was sudden”, Patton exclaimed with little breath left in his lungs and an assuring hand over his heart to calm his nerves.

The sound had been quite loud and he felt like he had heart it before.

 All the while, a grin was spread all over Virgil’s face and the awkward student forgot about their thoughts and worries for a bit. Even the current situation and conundrum seemed to have disappeared.

They typed away fast, a little mumble escaping their curved lips without them noticing.

  *Conversation between Dee♥ and you.*

 Today.

 You, 3.51pm: Did your stupid therapy. Happy?

(sent)

 Dee♥, 4.00 pm: I am killing it and I sincerely hope you did too. *snake emoji* *smirk emoji*

 Dee♥, 4.00 pm: Anyway, how are you holding up darling? Did the cartoon enthusiast catch you in time?

 You, 4.00 pm: Next to him.

You, 4.01 pm: Patton is here. Fucking kill me.

You, 4.01 pm: He asked to bring me home but I thought about going to Ri. Em could easily take me.

(sent)

  The response was a quick “yikes” but his attention was drawn back into the conversation before they got to message back.

The phone was rattling with another sudden sound but Virgil took the second flinch from Patton and turned off the sound.

 “Sorry”

 Emile shook his head quickly, a little smile painting his patient features and Virgil felt already hugged and pleasantly scolded like from a caring parent.

It was an odd feeling.

 “Remember to not apologise for yourself. You had your reasons to reply. I hope she is doing well - I assume it is the loyal Sapphire to your own Ruby self.”

 Patton’s spirits returned. His freckled face was beaming and he quickly hugged his bag against himself.

 “Aw, how adorable! I never thought of you in this way! Emile, how dare you give me this gem of feelings”

 He winked and Emile winked back.

 OOF.

 Virgil’s groan could be heard in the far distance of edgy teenager land while the adults were giggling at one another like little schoolgirls. It was oddly adorable.

Seeing Patton laughing was another level of comforting.

 “Uh, yeah.. talking about gem and shit”

 Wow, what a horrible start Virgil - wait. No. It was an okay start. Just a start. They would not mind and if they did, who cared. It was just a st- just a sentence.

Yeah.

 “I might get my gem ass over to Ri and sleepover because, uh, yeah. I think he would be happy to have me around tonight.”

 Virgil looked down at their shoes and shrugged. A part of their mind was still wildly roaring and telling them that this was a horrible sentence and how Patton would hate them now and despise them for everything.

And Emile? Maybe he would be jealous or get upset at them upsetting Patt-

 No. No

Stupid thoughts.

Bullshit thoughts.

They went to therapy to not have any of these thoughts anymore.

It was bullshit, anxiety was just being some overdramatic shit and it was a help to nobody so it was time to fucking stop the fuck now.

 They shrugged again and looked to the side before back at Patton.

 “Sor- I mean.. thank, uh.. thanks for offering a ride but I think I will go to my family and make sure they know I am okay and shit. I uh... they worry, you know.”

 Virgil offered a little smile. The pang of guilt jotted into their mouth and made it harder to smile but the lips stayed into position despite their little trembles and struggles to stay still.

 With a the eyes of a man who mirrored Virgil, Patton nodded at the remark.

 “I am glad to hear they care about you and.. and that you care about them, kiddo. I am sure they will be happy to have you around”, he started and stopped for a moment, his lips rolling together and his tongue parting them as if to spread the taste of his upcoming words on them.

He was contemplating about whether or not he should let them go beyond his tongue.

 After a small pause, the decision was made.

 “You don’t have to be scared of being with us. I am happy to see you and I honestly think Logan couldn’t be happier but to have found a friend like you.”

 Virgil looked at him, wide-eyed.

Shock short-circuited their brain and ruled over their reason for long enough to override the anxious filter that would usually prevent words like that to pass his lips.

 “You- you mean you are notmadwearefriends?”

 The emo stepped closer to Emile and reached out for him, only to be gladly received by his welcoming chest and arms.

 Patton blinked back, pressing his tongue against his gums to swallow his amusement at how absurd the other sounded. It was much better than to succumb to the bitter after-taste of an idea about why the other was so concerned. Instead, he helped himself and his smaller friend to the truce of another peaceful smile.

A smile so outwardly kind and warming, it could only come from a giant that served unexpected kindness instead of crushing dreams and bones.

 “Virgil, kiddo, we are friends too. I would never get upset at you over something so silly. I want my friends to be happy and you and Logan are happy together, even if you don’t always fully agree with one another.”

 The last part smelled like Logan talking about last night but Virgil stopped themself from boarding the panic train.

Patton wanted them to know it was okay. He was not mad.

 They were friends.

  Virgil carefully squeezed their arms around Emile for a bit longer. It was almost as if they tried reassuring someone else in order to make convince themself.

Projection, as Emile would call it.

 ...Actually, Patton would say the same.

Psychology nerds everywhere.

 There were also feelings everywhere. They were like bubbles filled with different-coloured things that were fizzy or sizzling or gas-like and so on. Somehow, all these bubbles around Virgil did not feel pressing anymore. They squeezed them in a bit but it was cozy, in a weird way. Warmth and pink was around them.

It was innocent and .. trustworthy.

 For once, there were no red flags. Wind glided over the pastel coloured banners of a relationship so novel and refreshing to Virgil.

It was still difficult to see and process.

Maybe one day, they would see these banners and identify them as a welcoming sign of hospitality and open arms. New ones but still arms stretched out to happily receive them.

 “thanks...”

 They slowly blinked at Patton who returned the little gesture with another soft rise of his lips’ corners.

Emile gently shielded the smaller person and mumbled something to which Virgil nodded again.

 Patton accepted being the outside with silent patience like a good professional.

 The punk softly rubbed their eyes. Only now, the ginger giant noticed how swollen and reddish they seemed again.

It reminded him of just they day before when they ate together.

He squinted ever so slightly, his eyes focusing on the little detail and eating it up with the information-hungry mind.

 His thoughts wanted answers and every bit of piety seemed to feel heavy on Patton’s large form when.

These large bags of darkness under their eyes seemed to hide more than several hours of missing sleep a night. It was nothing new to Patton to consider but it was then, that he realised how tangible the issue was yet how far away at the same time.

 “Uh-ehem”

 Virgil cleared heir throat and straightened their posture.

 “We are pretty much just barricading my therapist, you know”, they remarked with a slightest hint of a backbone in their words once more..

The silver tongue was back and it was sharp and sturdy as always. The sound immediately prompted Emile to react and lead them over to a corner. A heavy weapon in any battle of wits was back in place and ready to strike. Slowly, it sneaked back into the conversation and even the little smirk was blowing itself onto Virgil’s lips.

Lopsided, subtle and feisty.

 It really was inappropriate to just stand in the middle of the way. What were the three thinking?

 “Uhh.. Anyway, I think I will.. uh.. hitch a hike with you, Em - if that is okay”, they started and shrugged the slight slouch off their shoulders with a deep breath.

At once, the hesitation and doubt seemed banished from the conversation. Virgil looked tall and proud as never before.

 Honestly, the ginger student felt surprised by the sudden change.

He would never cease to be surprised by them.

 “Aw, sure thing, Virgil! You know, you always have a place by my side if you let me drive...”

 Virgil’s eyes widened and Patton felt something tickle him like when your nose tickled before a sneeze. He sensed something.. something good being about to happen.

 “..my van into your heart”, Emile finished.

 The emo groaned loudly, immediately followed by a loud chuckle from them. Their shoulders slouched a bit and they curled into themself a bit.

 “How about you drive yourself back into your work and I am gonna go and get some coffee for bribe”, they offered, “Patton, you coming?”

 The two got together and walked to the closest café in comfortable silence. Every now and then Virgil glanced at their phone, fidgeting around and looking more and more before putting it away for a while to repeat the cycle.

 Cars rolled down the cold streets and every breath evaporated into small clouds of fog. A few stray pigeons flew away when the dyad closed in on them in their curious search for anything edible.

The sun was already setting and bathing the city in a few rays of warm light. Orange and pink painted the scene but only in the rare areas the bigger buildings could not reach to block the light from.

 Virgil’s heavy boots hit the ground with every step while Patton’s own mode of walking mimicked graceful dancing. He was nearly hopping and floating over the dark concrete in the light of dawn. It was a show of beauty to see him.

 The two got a cup holder equipped with several cups of coffees and other hot drinks. They walked back but this time, the silence was swallowed by Virgil’s itching concerns. Their fidgeting got more intense and their fingers started picking at one another so much, the punk felt the plead to ask Patton for assistance on their tongue.

It was difficult, near impossible to erratically scratch and pick at something occupied by the deed to hold the cup holder with multiple scalding drinks.

They gave up on the nervous endeavour of deliberate self-harm when they realised the urge to just do it so intensely they would require support of some sort, they became aware of what exactly they were doing.

 This had to end.

 Despite their fingers tingling to scrape and pick and rip more, they refused to give in. They stopped before the building they had just come out of, Virgil cutting before their friend.

A jumbled bunch of letters flew from their lips in an oddly shushed mumble.

 “P-Patt’n?”

 They shuffled their feet a bit, looking down at them. If Patton had to draw Virgil, he would draw them in this position: shoulders slouching, gaze averted and skin vibrating in some vigilance of a distance threat.

It justified the name and behaviour Virgil usually displayed.

As they stood there, shifted from one leg to the other, boots squeaking as they were moved and squished together every now and then, Patton got the familiar urge to hug them while Virgil felt the intense wanton to throw themself into his arms. After all, the ginger giant was still a walking “hug me” sign, a fluffy one on top of that.

 “Yes, Virgil?”

 Patton’s voice was as light as a snowflake as he spoke with the world’s depot of patience in his little response.

It was a verbal touch to Virgil’s curiously fingers. They had taken to tightly grip onto the grey cup holder with one hand on left and right each. Busy thumbs brushed over the rough material and rubbed against it as if to dig for a treasure that did not exist.

 “I.. d-do.. do you think, um..”, they started but broke off, lost eyes roaming over the dark concrete. The darkness started creeping into the day and establish the night’s dominance for a few more hours than usual.

“Do you think.. L-Logan is.. is mad at me?”

 Glass green eyes grew wide as a pool of darkness shrunk in horror.

 “Oh, honey - Virgil! Logan would never!”

 He kept himself from saying more, swallowed the indignation. It was time to be composed and be a good friend and not get upset over something irrational. This was Virgil’s anxiety speaking, not their trust or rational mind, it was pure hurt and bad past experience poisoning a good relationship.

 “Listen, Logan and I are best friends and he has not once in his life complained about you, not to me, and he tells me everything. He trusts you and you are good for him. He is changing for the better and becoming more open and warm with you around, Virgil, I am not just saying this to make you happy. It really is happening. If he was upset, I am sure he would have asked me for advice or told me something and he did none of that. He asked me how to help you become more comfortable with us without pushing you - really.”

 Patton shifted and started to dig into his pocket to pull out a phone and present the referred to chat logs.

Warm brown eyes tentatively glanced over the messages for signal words, for red flags or similar things to warrant as an evidence for their anxiety to prove its point but there was none.

Black on weird whatever colour they were too blown-away to name at this moment showed how wrong their thinking had been once again. Just a stupid anxiety thing again, not even remotely warranted at all.

 “Th...thanks”

 They pursed their lips up as if to continue but hesitated enough to just go with the flow of not speaking any further, leaving the word awkwardly hang between Patton and him. Bottle green eyes blinked at them, smiling like an encouraging elementary teacher trying to cheer up a child whose drawing had been referred to as “dumb” by some uncultured swines - uh... other children with a bit more hostility.

 “I, um..”, they picked up again, eyes casting downwards bnefore blinking and glancing up at him again, “I needed that. Thanks. It is just, um.. stupid anxiety brain and all.. it just makes me dumb again, or like.. I mean, I uh.. I am not dumb or anything but I just believe the dumb anxiety and that sucks but, like, whatever, right? Can’t deny he is, um, like.. I don’t know, .. not hating me or whatever.”

They clawed at the cup holder.

“Patton, j-”

 A sudden g-note hit the air, punching a conditioned smile of fight and solidarity into Virgil’s face.

 “PA-PattoN, it is-is him! Ah - um”

 Confused jumbles of words pushed through their lips.

No sense was made in the process of this reaction.

The ginger did not understand but he readily perked up in interested, nodding.

 “It is okay, it is okay. You are safe and he is probably just curious whether you are okay. Breathe in, take a really deep breath - “

 Virgil nodded obediently. Their fingers clung to the rough cup holder. The emo’s chest rose a substantial amount before standing still while Patton counted and nodded with nice smiles. They slowly exhaled after a “seven!” and clear nod.

 “Give me the cups and take the call, kiddo. I will go and tell Emile you will be ready after the phone call.”

Hasty eyes met him which he returned with a patient nod not even the ideal monk could have provided. Virgil slowly let go of the rough texture, Patton’s gentle tugs reminding them of letting go. Fingers gradually untangled from the cloud-grey piece of recycled trash and forced a tentative nodding movement onto their head.

 They could do that. They could do that.

“Welcome to the Black Parade” was still playing and the song was nearly over. They had to take it!

This novel thought struck his mind like actual thunder. At once, fingers dug into their pockets and picked up even before their ear was close enough.

 Virgil did not know how Patton knew the song was the personalised ringtone for Logan but they appreciated how exceptionally witty the harmless pastel hulk was. A flick of their wrist goodbye’d Patton while their other hand reached their thirsty ear.

 “Hh-heyh!”

 Awfuckfuck, no he fucked up - no, they did! Now they fucked up hard enough to even fuck up their own pronouns. What a trash-

 “Greetings, Virgil. I hope you are well.”

 Ah. Smooth. Calm.

Logan was the epitome of steadiness.

The composed expression and usual greeting gave Virgil a sense of control. They knew what was about to come: small-talk because Logan thought it helped in social relationships, then some talk about work to elaborate on the things they had in common and eventually a random fact he learned that day or something equally surprising and possibly useless. At least it was something that least them unknown as to what to do with the information but it was not bad at all.

To be honest, they looked forward to it. So much even, their anxiety could not influence the smile of relief taking over their rosy lips.

 “Totally. What about you? Work sucked ass today?”

 “Virgil, work cannot actively do anything, especially not engage in any deed as interactive as acts of adult intimacy -”

 “Wow there, pocket protector. Too early a day to give me so many fancy things to listen to. Anyway, how are you doing?”

 Their lips were curled up completely by now. It was a full smile, if not already a grin preparing for the obligatory hilarious thing about to happen. Like it was some kind of scripted exchange between them.

With Logan being included, maybe it was.

 “I am doing just fine, only wondering about your well-being. Did you get a sufficient quantity and quality of sleep last night?”

 Oh. Right to the point. But speaking of it...

 “I, uh.. I am sorry. I - I was being a butt, um..”

 Virgil touched their clothed elbow of the arm holding the phone. Their fingers scraped and tugged at the fabric. Brushing, pulling, picking. The soothing feeling of a warm jacket covering them and protecting him was barely enough.

 4 - 7 - 8, they reminded themself.

A nod.

Yes, do the breathing thing and focus on Logan.

 “I am surprised to hear you apologise, Virgil. To be frank, I neither expected nor wanted an apology for overstepping any boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with me asking too many questions, you are more than welcome to “tell me off”.”

 A short break.

Insecure breaths in.

Four seconds.

 “Is this the right use of this term? I suppose, so. You are also welcome to correct me, if need be. You should know this but I am willing to remind you of my consistency. However, back to the topic.”

 Shaky holding back of nervous oxygen. Seven seconds.

 “I am not upset with you at all. Rather, I would say I am... concerned. When I started talking about this subject, my primary objective was to work out your issues in order to help you feel more comfortable. I got the .. the feeling you might need more, um, emotional support, if I may say so.”

 Painfully slow release of revolting oxygen for eight seconds.

 The voice on the other side became more uncoordinated, shooting past any aim. Logan cleared his throat to fill the silence as Virgil silently breathed themself into a greater sense of stability and safety.

 “Apologies. I started rambling again and even brought up these uncomfortable topics. All I wanted to convey is that I have a, so to speak, liiiht proposal to make to you. That being said, I might add this proposal does not include any rings or marriage-related preparation rituals. I am just saying this for clarification, not because I suspect you might assume this. I - ... Virgil, are you still there? Am I “talking your ears off”, as Roman says?”

 The small punk heard an odd sound from Logan’s side of the line. They blinked at it, a few wrinkles falling into his skin as he frowned in confusion.

 “Uh, hey, chill, dude”, their dark voice replied, “I, er, I am fine and all and you don’t have to do anything for me, anyway. It is cool, cool. Really cool. I, um, told you I won’t be home tonight? I have this thing going on, was planned before and all.”

 Virgil shrugged into the air for nobody else but uninvolved strangers to see.

 “But, um, don’t worry. I am, like, not mad or anything. I am.. glad? Like, I know I was being a bitch but that does not matter. I.. we are both sorry and that is really cool and.. just, ..just re-really thanks for being so nice about that and respect me and this. I just don’t wanna fuck up things and I know I am being sensitive and all. Uh, yeah..”

 They scratched the back of their head.

 “Any-”

Virgil started at the same time as Logan’s voice pronouncing “So, -” was transmitted to his side of the call.

The punk chuckled silently. A mere moment later, a sigh of relief could be heard. Virgil could have sworn even his hear was sighing with Logan.

 “You go first, Log.”

 If anyone had been around to see Logan at the bus stop, they would have witnessed a certain sparkling sensation behind his serious glasses as he made out the nickname Virgil added.

 “Thank you, Virgil, I appreciate that - appreciate you.”

 The words felt so much heavier than they should have been. They were voluminous gem stones on their chest. Prominent and eye-catching whilst sparkling and somewhat enticing with richness and depth of colour.

On the inside, Virgil knew they would wear Logan’s feelings on their chest, face or simply in their heart if the other would just ask them to.

 “Do you want to watch the stars with me? Tonight, I mean - say two hours, perhaps. It would just be you and me. I will take the car and get you if need be. Our university’s Astrology Club has a big telescope and great WiFi. I thought you might be interested but if you are pre-occupied, I understand.”

 Virgil absorbed the information, inhaling the connection and heartfelt consideration Logan has put into the consideration.

 “I-.. Logan, do- do you mean this as, uh.. as a date? Cuz, like, I don’t know if you do but it is cool if you do and I am not pissed or something, just want to know.”

 Another odd sound could be heard from the other side but Virgil was too caught up in anticipation to question the nature of the sound or the vibration in Logan’s breath suddenly hitting the microphone.

 “If this does not disrupt whatever your nature of relationship you enjoy with Declyn, then I would love to call it a date. With your consent only, of course.”

 Virgil’s heart did a leap. They drew in a hasty potion of oxygen as if to drink it up like the tasty juice of love.

 “I would love to. Text me the details, I will see about the car thing.”

 They hung up and ran up to Emile, taking two steps at a time. Now they had a certain skip to their steps but they also had a certain beat in their heart when they hitched a hike to their sibling in enthusiastic anticipation.

 Maybe this day could be great after all.

[voidselfshipp]

🌻Sunflower Au🌻

Summary: daemon falls in love with a woman, but he doesnt know how to flirt with her, shenanigans ensue.

《...》

John enters the facility, students come and go,coming in all shapes and sizes, his mother enlisted Him into this artschool, he thought that it would take more time off of him to do graffiti, but then he saw her.

She was with him in character design class,Brown hair, shaved back, green eyes with bags under them,and this big green sweater, and her name was jerico.

He couldnt Keep his eyes off of her, and that costed him the first few clases of the semester.

He needed to wow her,but how?.

Also, needed to add, that not only John was an artist but a vigilante too, pver the course of the years he took various martial arts and programming classes and courses, naming himself "Daemon"

So his brilliant brain came up with this idea.

Wow. Her. With. Your. Alter. Ego.

Altough, his relationshipp with her was going well,they worked togheter a couple of times, went to her place to work on the assigments of their shared class, and they had a pretty good friendship.

-You have a really iconic style john- jerico says as she replaces the water on the glass she used to clean her brushes- I cant quite place it,but there is something that when i see it I go" wow, thats John's work"-

She sits on the table and starts to colour another character.

-Well, yours is really iconic too-John leans back on his chair,finishing one of his sketches- they way you do the face , and the way you aply colors are kind of your trademark-

The woman blushes and shakes her head.

-Quite the Charmer, arent you-both share a chuckle and Keep working.

Hours go by and the sun sets, the moon appears on the horizon, and the stars slowly show themselves on the dark blue Sky.

-Im leaving, its late and my roomate is going to freak out- jeri says, tugging the sleeve of her green sweater.

-You sure?, this place can get dangerous at night, dont you want to stay?-john Asks leaning on the doorframe with on of his forearms, hanging over jerico.

-Please I dont want to bother, ill text you when I get home,okay?-

-You better do so, If not I wont be able to sleep tonight-

-Oh shut up- jeri playfully and softly punches him on his arm and says goodbye.

'I gotta make sure she gets there safe' John thinks , as he grabs his Gear, putting on his Oni mask.

His feet are silent as he runs on the rooftops, with his gaze on jerico, who non-chalantly walks back to her apartment ten blocks away from his.

Suddenly his eyes catch a glimpse of two men following her, he hums and observes,they dont seem dangerous,until one of them tries to steal jerico's backpack, she fights and squirms but the guy seemed to be winning the fight,until he lands on the ground and a set of shurikens pin both of the men to the nearest wall.

Then the grabs the woman and jumps, both run trough the roofs as he grabs her hand.

When the shady men finally stops pursuing them they sit, regaining their breath.

-Thanks for saving me and my bag there- she says, with a kind smile as she scoots closer.

-Uh, youre welcome, im, im--

-Oh I know! You've been in everyones mouth since you stopped those criminals some weeks ago!im so starstruck! I got saved by Daemon, THE daemon-

His cheeks heat up, If she only knew...

Or does she?.....

They sit there and chat a little bit,then daemon feels his body shiver, jerico seems to notice it as she takes off her sweater and hangs It around his back.

-You can give it to me later, ill be good to go, I have a spare one on my backpack,my apartment is just a block away-

-And how do you know I wont steal it?-both stand up.

-Because, you saved me-

They chuckle and say goodbye.

Jerico gets down the small building they were sitting on and walks, thinking of what happened.

When she gets home she finds her roomate sleeping on the couch,covering them jeri goes to her room and falls on her bed, quickly grabbing her cellphone and texting John with "you wont Belive what happened"

He sees the message pop up, as he sits on the windowsill of his house's attic window, were his room was, messaging back with" what happened?".

They Keep talking for hours until they both feel tired.

Tomorrow is saturday luckily, so they wont hate themselves in the morning.

[...]

Sunrays filter trough the blinds, daemon groans , covering his face with his hand as his half naked form walks downstairs , he hears two voices talking, but he is too sleepy to recognize them.

-John, put some clothes on, Jerico is here-his mother says

He suddenly jumps and with half-asleep , face looks at the woman, she is blushing as she contains her laughter.

Daemon bolts to his room, picking up an sleeveless shirt and throwing it on , then going on downstairs.

-its so early- he groans.

-Early?- his mother says-its twelve pm dear, its lunchtime, I invited jerico over, now sit, your friend has already set the table-

He awkwardly sits Next to jeri,muttering a hello.

-You looked cute- the woman besides him whispers- half asleep, messy,I dont get seeing you like that too often-

-Like what?-daemon asks.

-Vulnerable- she says- John, If you are trying to flirt with me,Like you've been trying these past month, Just be straightforward,no messing around-

The Mans face heat up,looking away as his mother serves the food.

-Was I that obvious?-He asks.

-Well child-his mother says- youre not EXACTLY that subtle-

-But its cute,trying to be so smooth, its nice-

They start to eat, and after it, jerico hangs out with John a bit, talking, playing some games, until its afternoon and jeri has to leave to help her roomate with some stuff.

{...}

A soft knock is heard on jerico's Window, she looks over to see her saviour from last night, daemon.

-c'mon, let me take you to a date-he says.

-Im sorry- the woman said looking at him-my heart is after my best friend, I really cant -

-Even if the person asking it is your own best friend?- John says taking off his mask- hurry up!,come on!-

Jeri chuckles and grabs her coat, opening her Window and slipping trough it, walking down the emergency stairs with her friend.

They laugh and jump trough the city and houses,running on the rooftops and climbing them until they arrive to the tallest building around,an abandoned three flored house,on its rooftop its a blanket and some candles.

-Its so corny,I know- daemon says holding jericos hand-you said to be Straight-forward so here I am-

-John I--

-Jerico, since I saw you, something is there, bugging me,pulling me to you like a magnet,I cant help it, eveytime youre near me, I have this urge to hug you, and be close to you, you are my best Friend, and I, I love you, so much...I want to be your boyfriend,but the desicion is yours to make-

-Yes,just yes, shut the fuck up and kiss me, now-

-Like , l like now, right now , now-

-Jo, did I stutter?-

Daemon pulls her on a kiss, walking backwards to the blanket and laying down on it

-took you long enough-jerico said.

-Oh shut up, If you knew that I was daemon,you would already be at my feet-

-Oh but I knew, the design?the voice?they made me realize from the moment I saw you, not even the voice disruptor on your mask can disguise your speech patterns-

-So wait,thats why you lend me your sweater?-

-Uh duh, of course,youre the only one who has my permission to touch it, even go near it-

Johns face burns red as he hides it behind his hands, Rolling on his side-

-Im such a dumbass-

-my dumbass-jeri says, hugging him from behind.

They stay in silence for a bit.

-Youre a sunflower- John mutters with his eyes half lidded.

-I think your love would be too much-

-Oh you'll be left in the dust-

-unless I stuck by ya'-

Youre a sunflower

John chuckles and kisses Jerico's forehead as they sleeply sing to eachother.

Youre a sunflower

~●~

[aftermathdb]

DEATH BATTLE review: All Might vs. Might Guy

First Atlantis^2, then Widow^2, then Marvel^2, then ONE^2, and now Might^2.

(Holy Hell! I have exactly 100 screenshots for this episode!)

All Might′s Preview.

We open on a world where superpowers are common.

A world where schools are everywhere so that people can harness their powers.

These “Quirks” are varied, and some are… not that great.

But one aspiring hero would rise up to be the greatest hero around. Toshinori Yagi, who was given the greatest Quirk of all: One for All.

The hosts go over how badass this Quirk is. But more specifically how it’s the Quirk that can be passed down to other users.

Toshinori got his from Nana Shimura, and he became the ever-smiling All Might.

All Might keeps that smile on his face to ensure that everyone around him feels safe.

Thanks to All Might’s Quirk, he’s got everything from Super Strength, speed, stamina, and durability.

Aside from Boomstick’s apparent ability to manifest seafood, the hosts go over All Might‘s main powerset.

Interestingly enough, All Might’s tendency to name his moves after the US is kinda accurate.

For example, the Texas Smash and Oklahoma Smash both create forms of tornadoes. And guess what states are smack-dab in the way of those things?

But All Might can combine those States together in one extremely powerful attack: The United States of Smash. PLUS ULTRA!

The power of the USoS is actually quantifiable. Given the size of the storm compared to the buildings around it, the force would be over 11,000 tons of TNT.

All Might can also move at speed around Mach 29.

Now, here’s the thing: All Might’s doing a lot of this with a handicap. So these moves are still impressive. Since DEATH BATTLE takes a look at these characters in their prime, those are the stats that would be used. In his hayday, All Might would be 60 times more powerful.

He’s on par with many a fighter, like Nomu, whom he had punched 300 times in ten seconds.

Even when crippled, All Might’s proven exactly why he’s been the number one hero for years.

Might Guy′s Preview.

a

In the world of Naruto, there exists schools that train the best Ninjas around. These schools would essentially teach Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, or in Boomstick’s terms, Ninja Magic.

But one ninja doesn’t really have that. Rock Lee was never really that good at the whole “Ninja Magic” thing, so when he found a mentor, it was a good thing for him.

Enter: Might Guy.

Despite not having that great of skill when compared to the other guys, Might Guy and his dad opted to focus on one thing and become the undisputed master of it:

Punching people (Thanks for the description there, Boomstick).

Strong Fist is a subset of Taijutsu, or hand-to-hand combat. A hard martial art that is focused on breaking the bones of the opponent.

Only the toughest people can really use Strong Fist according to the hosts, and it comes with it’s own set of skills.

But it’s a really big double-edged sword.

And we get more into that double-edged sword by an animated segment.

Regardless, the technique Guy and Duy developed was the Eight Gates.

With these Gates, they can unlock a whole slew of crazy abilities by way of removing limits on the body. From mental inhibitions, to physical limitations.

Some of these Gates are safe to use. Numbers 1-3 are good to go, but once you go past that, you’re in trouble.

At Gate numero six, Guy moves so fast that his fists ignite the air around him and can be used as projectiles.

In order to ignite the Hydrogen in the air, Guy’s swinging at speeds at 40000 km/h.

For reference, that’s nearly five times as fast as the X-15 Rocket Jet, the fastest man-made jet that has been made so far.

Gate Seven is still relatively safe for Guy, according to the hosts, but the final Gate is a fatal attack.

That’s not some sort of “Battle Aura” you’re seeing around Guy, that’s his blood burning. With this, he can use… “Night Guy.”

Yeah, I’m a little unimpressed too.

This form was able to decimate Madara. You should know that guy by now. He’s the deadly villain that could take on Naruto and easily defeat him in base mode.

Naruto’s super modes are definately better that Guy’s best mode, but it’s also way better than Jiraya’s best move.

Guy is also a match for Kakashi, who could catch lightning.

Kakashi’s speed clocks in at around 763000 m/s, so Guy is definitely in that ballpark.

And with all the feats he has, he’s proven to be a badass through and through. It takes a lot to bring down this Mighty Guy.

… Yeah, the end quote doesn’t exactly inspire greatness, but eh, it’s probably iconic (Really sorry, not a Naruto fan).

The Battle Itself.

Torrian is back to head this project, All Might will be voiced by Kaiji Tang, while All Might was voiced by a guy named “Dick Splitter” (No, I’m not making that up). "Mighty” by both Brandon Yates and Therewolf sprite artist (If there are any), and audio lead by Chris Kokkinos.

Our fight starts with Guy sitting in a park, reading a bit of Manga. For those eagle-eyed viewers, you’ll notiice that he’s reading a My Hero Academia book. I’ve circled it for you.

Anyways, All Might drops in and does his dramatic enterance. After geeking out, Guy challenges him to…

An ARM WRESTLING CONTEST!

Which All Might readily accepts.

I want to go on record and say that this initial explosion is in essence, them just starting.

And can I also point out the absurdity in the ground being cratered before the table? Like what is that table made of?- Adamantium?

Well, my accusation is unlikely. The table breaks, and then the two duke it out. Not out of jealousy or because one of them accused the other of sabotaging the contest, but because they’re just that hammy.

So with the fight underway, these two go at it. It’s readily clear that All Might has the edge up in strength over Base Guy, but Guy is certainly faster  given how often he dodges the attacks that All Might dishes out.

He even gets a perfect 10 on his dodging!

I want it to be known that Might Guy actually dodged this attack. He clearly has the speed advantage.

And these two just keep complimenting each other! Like, come on! Who am I supposed to root for here?

Anyways, Guy opens his Sixth Gate, which gives him an edge up over All Might.

And you want to know what’s better than a beam struggle?- A Barrage attack struggle.

What’s better than that?

When the barrages are fire vs wind!

They make an explosion that brings Guy to the ground, and he opens the Seventh Gate.

He unleashes his Daytime Tiger, and actually puts All Might on the defensive.

Here’s my question: How is it that all that power is being condensed in that one park? Those buildings should have destableized by now!

Anyways, Finishing Blow in

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Might Guy gets impaled! Well, it was a good run, and he certainly put up quite the fight…

And he’s also not done yet. We still have one more Gate.

REAL finishing blow iin

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

You gotta wonder what the report by the  authorities and news is going to be like.

Verdict + Explanation.

So, right off the bat, this fight actually is close. Guy’s Gates were really the big thing that was letting him keep up with All Might and his  speed was certainly nothing to sneeze at.

Now, As for All Might, since DEATH BATTLE was looking at him in his prime, they had to scale accordingly.

All Might himself claimed that a fight he finished in 300 punches could have been done in 5. So that means that the All Might that is being used is 60 times stronger.

Take this feat for example, All Might’s foe Gigantomachia, once blew a hole through the mountain. Adding in the X60 multiplier, and All Might’s batting in the 154.8 Gigaton range.

However, Guy is still way faster, add in his better training and more versatile arsenal, Might Guy just needed to hit All Might harder than All Might could hit him.

All Might’s feat of changing the weather clocks in at about 1462 Gigatons of TNT.

Now, that’s impressive and all, but Guy hasn’t really shown his full power.

So we have to compare him to another person that we’ve seen all too many times before: Naruto.

Now remember: Base Naruto < Madara, and Night Guy > Madara.

As we’ve seen all too many times before, Naruto’s Base Chakra was enough to blow a hole through the moon.

How much force is that?

About 480 Petatons of TNT.

How much is a Petaton?

A million Gigatons. Simply put All Might > Might Guy, but Night Guy > All Might. Sure, Guy goes down not too long after using the attack, but he wins in the moment, and that’s what matters.

The winner is Might Guy.

Overall impression.

I came into this thinking “This feels more like season premiere material.” Something to hype up the crowd for the upcoming season. And I was right in the absolute most wrong sense of the word. The fight is spectacular, and it makes me want to read up on MHA. In all honesty, if this were a season premiere,  everything after it would feel boring in comparison.

Now, admittedly, this was basically just a fistfight. A battle of who could punch harder than the other guy. Which isn’t very exciting on it’s own, but is still interesting given the characters.

Plus, given that no sane parent would ever give their kid the name “Richard” if their  last name was “Splitter”  I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say that this is the official VA for Guy.

I’m not going to link to his twitter, I’d rather he not get in trouble, but it’s still pretty cool.

Then again, my dad knew a guy named “Richard Head” so I guess the name “Dick Splitter” isn’t that farfetched. Who knows, maybe this is a real name.

Tangent aside, this battle was epic in all sense of the word. I’m sure there are a lot of references that I missed because of my lack of knowledge on these two, but it was a joy to see, and the music is awesome. Definitely looking forward to downloading it.

9.6/10.

Next Time…

I’m calling…

… Well shit. I don’t know what to call. But I recognize Miles Morales, Beerus,  and Danny Phantom, so who knows?

Though the end colors for the start of Season 7 makes me think of… Harley Quinn.

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

A DEATH BATTLE.

[jcherrybct]

3/3/20

In the days since my last post, a few things have happened involving COMP570, CTEC501 & CTEC502! 

I have been slowly working my way through the programming worksheet we were given in our last programming session, this has been very helpful in getting to grips with the fundamental knowledge. I do have to admit however there were a few times I felt like punching a hole in my computer screen, before realising the problem was with the person in the screens reflection. Not the screen itself.  I am getting more used to minor things such as the dreaded semi colon; which has stopped processing from reading the code I have written, and am sure it will soon become second nature. However, there were other errors that took me far too long to realise, such as using a single quotation mark as opposed to speech marks, which led to processing to let me know repeatedly there was a, ‘badly formed character constant.’ I shouldn’t be making that mistake again in a while! I have also gone through a few, ‘Hello processing!’ lessons in an attempt to both reinforce what we have learnt and keep myself writing the correct code! I am currently really enjoying processing and am looking forward to my next lecture/lesson!

Zoog! - The ‘man’ on the screen followed your mouse around the box.

In regards to Studio, the team and I now believe we have our ‘hacked’ board game ready for the presentation tomorrow. We all came in yesterday and managed (with several trials) to work out how to connect an LED to the Makey Makey and to only light up when a certain key is called upon. This came with help from a member of another team giving me potentially my biggest learn of studio so far. Copper wire has an insulating paint on, and is therefore is not conductive. I had been trialling different ways of connecting the LED to the output section of the Makey Makey using copper wires and discounted that we would be able to do so until finding this piece of information out. As good as self learning is, collaborating sooner would have helped save a lot of ‘wasted’ time. (I do not believe that the time was wasted as it got me thinking about several different solutions which could have been better than the trialed method). This also helped with the grounding pen we had created, I had isolated that the copper wire wasn’t conducting however believed it was due to too much copper tape, and that potentially one side of the copper tape wasn’t conducting through to the copper wire. However after trialing and inspecting the pen it became apparent that attaching the crocodile clip to the copper tape was the obvious solution and then worked perfectly. It later became obvious the copper wire was the problem having been told this.  After this Marc showed us the code he had written in processing to bring up the correct functions when buttons are pressed using the Makey Makey. Chris got to drawing up some icons and John to making a platform for the Makey Makey. I started wiring up the makey makey and adding a switch into the ‘click’ function allowing the winning move to light up the LED and show fireworks (with explosion sound effects) come up on the laptop. 

Trialing different options for buttons.

 Today after our lecture, we aimed to polish up our board game and have it ready to play for tomorrow. This included a lot of wiring, firstly outside the mount to make sure everything would work whilst it was still accessible. Then secondly I had the challenge of wiring everything up again inside the mount. As with everything on the project so far this required a recalculation. This time with the mount being too low. John added a further section for the Makey Makey to sit in on its own so the mount would rest flat. We had quite a few problems with this due to clips being too close to each other and therefore allowing the wrong function to be pressed, the LED not working as the wire to the output was not in tight enough. This was hard to isolate due to all the wiring being correct otherwise. We also added play dough to colour the foil buttons we had created so it is more obvious which button to press depending on what you land on.  Once all this was completed, I suggested we have a playthrough as if we hadn’t seen the game. This highlighted several problems. Firstly that we had condensed the categories from 5 to 3, and it wasn’t obvious that if you landed on red or orange you had to press red. I suggested adding a small piece of play dough into the corner of each space on the board with the corresponding colour of the button we should press. We also realised that we will have to include a small rulebook to explain  few of the game features (such as multiplay) that are confusing before the game had even been hacked. Finally we also have to add icons to the timer and reset functions.  All in all we have made great progress in this project and I feel I have come a long way in wiring circuits and finding solutions for problems. I am happy with the game we have created however we could potentially have aimed a little higher (more LED’s etc.). The only problem there however would’ve been the time constraint.  My biggest take away from this project so far I believe is failing is the first step towards a proper understanding and succeeding.

A soft circuit, checking for faults whilst keeping the wiring accessible.

The final board with all the wiring concealed.

Before we continued with the boardgames today, we had our second ‘Introduction to Creative Technologies’ class. We did a recap of last week, including our brainstorming technique, a chat about our Vlog assignment (I am yet to come up with any large ideas. So far I believe I will just be explaining what creative technologies meant to me when I applied & what it means now, having had a brief insight, and also a brief introduction to me ). We also talked over the reading that we did from Rich Golds - “The Plenitude” In which he talks of the ‘four creative hats’ he has worn. Drawing from personal experiences he likens Science, art, design and engineering together whilst saying they are also all massively different from one another. He references how science is actually incredibly creative, pointing towards the machines used in high tech labs.  Interestingly my takeaway from this chapter was that despite making several valid points I agree with, Mr. Gold had a bee in his bonnet about art, (fine art in particular) being on a more true and virtuous level than Design. Several of his points about design being controlled and judged by the client rather than peers making it different from art are contradicted by saying that Pop art is encapsulating what the wider audience is feeling and therefore they are actually very similar.  I did find this reading very interesting however and it really got me thinking! I do completely agree with the sentiment that, to really harness potential, collaboration across disciplines is crucial.

We then talked about what makes you ‘creative’, using the following:

Firstly Paradox. One of the two internal ways of being creative. I understood this as being completely open to ideas and not ever closing the possibility for change. Even if something seems certain, you have to aim to keep your mind open to the possibilities that there are ways to improve, change or manipulate what is black and white into something different.  The other sections of this visual are quite self explanatory and my biggest learn from here is that I should keep open to try and do new things, resist monotonous routine and bring this attitude to life into work. Why take the bus every day just because it worked the first time. By going a different way, who knows what you may stumble across!

Having thought about the phrase Creative Technologists work with:

Their hands,

their heads and

their hearts

to make the world a better place.

I believe this means a few things, and it is better understood when you look at the three parts collectively rather than separately. Creative Technologists have the power to take something they are passionate about, be it making a change or something they rave about (their hearts). Apply their (and their peers) knowledge to it (their heads), and paired with their hands, there is the power to take ideas out of the ideas phase and actually do something with them. The ability to act on a passion like this as well, rather than any random job provides a great drive.   The phrase I haven’t mentioned is, ‘to make the world a better place.’ This is because this phrase can mean so many different things. From the obvious of reducing carbon footprint, waste & helping with diseases to bringing joy through games & toys. Wherever the CTs passion falls within this spectrum is the area that they will try to make the world a better place.

We also looked today at a clip today (https://youtu.be/803LU4C_7IY?t=92) showing how many different opinions can be given on different projects. Where some will say, “useless!” whilst taking a step back there is likely a lot of value. Whilst this task may actually by definition have no use whatsoever when it was performed, and therefore useless, the learning and enjoyment brought actually does provide value. This is paired with what we looked at next in that Creative technologists have the ability to actually take an idea from its early stages & grow it into something physical. Even if you don’t know how at the beginning through failing and learning.

I have tried to cut down my entries today to slightly larger learning points, to save on extra long posts! There are many more points to add, and I have lots of work to do, such as trialing a new technique we learnt today (Affinity diagrams), Identifying some myths & barriers & reading the A-Z of CT to name a few bits!

Bring on studio tomorrow!