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lightlycareless · 2 years

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First, it hurts— Chapter XXIII [part 2]

(Part 1)

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: fluff, a bit of yelling, slight mention of adultery, implications of sexual favors. And I think that's about it. It's pretty chill I guess lol

A/N: Heya once more! Due to Tumblrs limitations on blocks, I'll be posting longer chapters into two! or three, how many as needed. The link to the previous chapter will be on the top! :) Thank you for your understanding!

Also, if you want to read the whole thing in one post, ao3 is the way to go ❤

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 24

Ao3 link.

Noting that your courteous thank you wasn’t enough to show how grateful you were of Junko’s actions, you’ve decided to do something for her, as a token of your appreciation.

However, the woman would always deny your advances, whether they be making breakfast for her and her daughters, so she could start the morning with ease, or even taking her duties so she could relax for the rest of the day. All attempts that Junko would immediately shut down, for she believed you were trying to bribe her.

Ah, always the defensive one.

Well, you’d soon come to the realization that continuously pushing your luck would do you or the twins no good, so instead, decided to let it rest for the moment, that is, until Junko finally finds it in herself to lower her guard.

Then , you’d be able to attack once more.

And that moment seemed to be today.

You don’t know how you did it, but you did it anyway. You actually managed to wake up way earlier than your staff, and Junko subsequently.

Making haste to start your day, you fetched a kimono from the nearby closet—a dark gray kimono with a beige obi; the usual palette that remained on theme with the rest of your attires.

Once ready, you silently make your way to the kitchen.

Just because you were awake, didn’t mean the others were as well. And if you had to bring it up… well, you had more than enough unsavory encounters with the staff to wish to remain undetected.

Luckily, there weren’t many people awake during this early hour, aside from those assigned to work the graveyard shift, who honestly… couldn’t really care less about you—not when they were hoping that their shift would end soon (for it was the most uneventful one to work in) and get some well deserved rest.

As you continued your way to the kitchen, you wondered how Junko managed to wake up this early every single day—after all, it often seemed that she went to sleep pretty late at night, presumably after her daughters and husband were in bed first and she’d prepared what she could for tomorrow, and only then, she’ll be able to rest as well.

Naoaki seemed to be the same kind of person—waking up early to try and make the most of the day. Although that seemed to not be the norm for him, only doing so more recently because he had a family issue to resolve with the government, and government institutes were famed to be heavily frequented, even from very early hours. Thus, it made sense why he’d have to leave the estate at dawn, just to ensure that he’ll be assisted.

Well, if there was one thing you had to be grateful of your current arrangement, was that you weren’t demanded to wake up early. Any other day, you’d still be sleeping underneath your warm covers at this hour—something you were sure was about to change as soon as Naoya returned home.

The notion of serving him is enough to make you sharply exhale out of frustration—you haven’t even done anything and you were already irritated by it, just the power Naoya held over you.

However, those heinous thoughts vanish as quickly as they arrive once you’re standing before the kitchen entrance, finally returning you to Junko and the breakfast you were to prepare for her.

You slide the doors open, and just as you’ve experienced in the past, prepare yourself to be received by the frigid eyes of the workers inside.

Knowing well how to drive yourself in these kind of situations, you take a deep breath and walk across the room (not bothering to greet good mornings, for they often went unanswered) and onto your regular working space, doing as much as you could to avoid glancing at them or coming in between their path. They remained relatively silent, an unusual thing to happen whenever present, but you decided not to comment on it any further.

Getting down to business, you begin to envision the meal Junko would usually prepare for herself: rice, fruits, a few vegetables and most importantly, no fish , for you eventually discovered that her dislike wasn’t because of her personal choice, but rather, because her family were vegetarians.

Once the picture becomes clear in your mind's eye, you decide to start by reaching out for the appropriate cooking supplies.

You’d look into the nearest cabinet, intending to find a pan. When your search proved fruitless, you’d move onto another cupboard, and another, and another, until you eventually realized it was shockingly nowhere to be found.

Its absence makes you wonder if anyone else was using it and forgot to return to its rightful place, a conclusion that makes you tense with anxiety at the prospect of having to interact with the apathetic staff around you.

Well, if that were to be the case, then you’d have to improvise. Maybe if you could get your hands on a pot, you’ll be—

“Lady Y/N” A voice calls from behind. You blink slowly, trying to decipher if you’d actually heard someone call you or it it was a fragment of your imagination “Lady Y/N”

It was not . Hesitantly, you begin to turn around to face the one behind the call.

It’s a cook, one that you faintly recognize as usually working in the morning shift. She seems… nervous, uncertain even, almost as if she were too afraid to speak to you.

«Because of me?» you wonder as the woman continues fidgeting with her fingers

“Are you… looking for something?”

“A pan” you answer, uncertain where this conversation could go from here.

“Oh, it’s here” She says, walking over to an overlooked cabinet, pulling the doors open and getting the pan out of its storage. “The other one broke and we had to get a new one… I hope it’s good enough”

“...Yeah” you say, squinting your eyes as you take the item from her hands “Thank you…?”

“If you need anything else, just tell me” she says with a nod before retreating to her previous position.

And that wasn’t even the strangest thing yet.

When you started cooking, the servants would occasionally slide to you the ingredients they assumed you would be needing next. Sometimes they were right, sometimes they were not. However, that wasn’t what bothered you.

The thing that made you feel uneasy was this following question:

Why, out of nowhere, they’ve decided to be helpful towards you?

Well… you only had to look back a few days to understand their reasonings.

After you essentially stood up for someone of their ranks, the servants were left to discover a new side of you, one they never thought you’d be able to harbor, due to being influenced by the preconceived notions of their masters.

While many of the masters, wives included, often sided to simply follow the tyrannical order of Meiko’s rules, you decided to break the mold and put a stop to her actions. Even going as far as taking on the punishment that pertained to the perpetrator in question, showing them that titles were, well, just that. Titles .

Seeing this kind of uprising coming from someone they considered to be a detached superior quickly humbled them, presenting them a whole new point of view to ruminate on.

And although there were still a few servants that weren’t amused by your actions, thinking that you were stepping out of line, there were few others that were starting to… come to terms with their assumptions of you, and wanted to compensate for their past actions.

Such as what they did today.

However, this was an explanation that you wouldn’t be able to know about, at least not for the moment. Ignorant to the cause, and not wanting to get distracted by them out of the necessary, you decide to continue doing your thing.

Now that you were done, and the servants had given you a few unexpected compliments here and there regarding it’s consistency, smell, and even presentation , all that was left for you to do is prepare to set the table—chopsticks, napkins, and a few cups alongside the tea you managed to do whilst preparing the food—and wait for their arrival.

You hoped that your anticipation would disappear once Junko and her daughters arrived at the dining table, and it did. But only to be replaced by fear of their disappointment, after all, it was the first time Mai and Maki would get to taste your food, and children were known to be very blunt when it came to voicing their opinions.

An emotion that only heightened upon seeing Junko’s eyes land on your work, seemingly evaluating your effort with a squint of her own.

But if you were to read her mind, you would’ve known that far from judging your efforts, she thought that the food laid before her pertained to an upcoming meeting she had the misfortune of forgetting!

A small slip up that sparked her into action by ordering her daughters to wait in the adjacent room as they walked towards the kitchen, requesting you to help her finish the rightful preparations as soon as possible.

Something that she would’ve continued to do, that is, until you stepped in.

“It’s fine, Junko-san” you reassure her, following her around the kitchen “There’s nothing to worry about”

“What do you mean? Surely all this food is for something important”

“Yes” you nod “For you”

“Then why are you standing around? Get yourself together and—wait. What ?” Junko freezes.

“I said, it’s for you” you repeat with a smile. “Come, let’s get you to the table”

“What’s the meaning of this?” She wastes no second to start interrogating you, much to your amusement, as she follows you to the dinning hall.

“I… wanted to do something for you, as to show my gratitude for allowing me to be friends with your daughters” You start to explain “I know you didn’t want me to do anything, but I really thought it necessary. I hope I did everything to your liking, we haven't really spoken about the food we like so please don’t be too harsh on me” you chuckle nervously.

Junko stands there as she’s effectively rendered speechless.

For the first time in her life, she doesn’t know what to say.

She… she doesn’t remember the last time she was ever appreciated for the things she’s done for the house. Outside of her daughters, of course. But outside of that… no one.

Besides, she was indoctrinated from the very moment she was born to never expect gratitude for completing what was her job, thus, she grew up to believe that she hasn’t done anything outstanding to receive such treatment.

But then, you came along, and everything around her started to change.

You acted in such a way that it was impossible for her to ignore; but… she has to admit that it wasn’t entirely bad. Different from the people that surrounded her, of course, putting so much attention to the smallest, unnecessary details…

But it's the reason that pushed you to think it was necessary to thank her.

Well, in some way, she did expect you to do something like that, since Junko thinks that she’s doing you a favor, however, what she thought (which pertained to you getting down on your knees and beg ), to what happened…

She can easily recognize that what she got was something so much better.

Your efforts were genuine, caring, as if her opinion mattered to you.

For the first time in seemingly forever, she felt herself being appreciated.

Perhaps she could indulge you just this one time.

“Mom!” Mai calls as she rushes towards them, with her older sister just behind them.

She and Maki have heard everything from the other side of the room, since the curiosity behind your actions naturally forced them to do so.

When the good hearted nature of your intentions were finally revealed, put somewhat still pushed away by their mother, they soon understood it was necessary for them to step in and help you further convince her to be pampered for once in her life, thus, the following ensued.

“Let’s eat!! I’m starting and Y/N-chan made us food!” she whines, grabbing her mother’s right sleeve as to emphasize her words.

“Yeah, mom!” Maki pouts, crossing her arms “Besides, you rarely get to eat with us anyways, might as well take it! —Wait, will you eat with us too, Y/N-chan?”

“Oh” you faltered. Guess you haven’t thought about that. “I… depends if your mom wants me to”

The girls waste no second to swirl their heads towards their mother, puppy eyes in place, as they begin to plead.

“Pleeeeaaaase” they cry in unison, pulling and tugging on her sleeves “please let her eat with us, please, please, pleeeeaaaaassseeeeeeeeeeee”

“Fine, alright!” Junko sharply interrupts “But let’s make it quick, I still have your father’s breakfast to prepare”

You had prepared food though, just not intended to be eaten with them. However, this was a nice twist of events you couldn’t deny. It felt nice to actually eat with the company of someone else.

Not that you were alone during dinner, since you now had Naoaki to share it with, but back before he entered your life, it was just you… and your staff, limiting themselves to observe you and ask you from time to time if you needed anything else—making you feel like some kind of caged animal observed by it’s visitors.

It felt nice to indulge in these types of domesticity, giving you the impression of being part of a family.

A moment you wished would last forever.

Once everyone was done eating their breakfast, you went ahead and started picking up everyone's plates—promptly stopping Junko from doing so under the pretense that you were the one that roped her into this in the first place, and that she deserved it to take it easy, thus, your responsibility to look after your guests.

The mother of two would begrudgingly accept your offer, but not without insisting that she’d be allowed to at least wash the plates. You deny her request once more, attacking her from another angle by reminding her that she has yet to prepare her husband’s breakfast. That seemed to do the work, because after that, she no longer offered to help anywhere else.

The twins thank you for the meal and tell you that they will be on their way to class , but not before reminding you that they intended to play with you once they were done with school—a sentence you couldn’t stop laughing at upon realizing how accommodating you’ve become to their will.

Junko would attempt to sway them back on track, warning them that they have to complete their homework first before doing anything else with you, which they promised to do as they bid their farewells.

Falling back into the routine, you take this moment to chat with Junko and maybe… get her to confess her opinion regarding your efforts—because throughout the whole time she was eating, she never commented on your skill.

“So…” you start, discreetly peeking over to Junko’s side “did you like the food?”

A few seconds pass, receiving nothing but silence from her as she diligently disinfects the vegetables she was to use.

“It was… acceptable” She eventually responds upon deliberating that her lack of acknowledgement wouldn’t be courteous for the one that fed her, all while reached out for a nearby knife and began cutting the same vegetables she was preparing “Although you have much to improve if you want to start making appropriate meals for Naoya-sama”

«I thought she would say that» you muse as you continue cleaning the plates on the sink «But it’s not a bad response»

“…thank you” Junko murmurs and you gasp.

“Don’t mention it” a smile appears on your lips as you proceed to bask in the warmth this closeness brought between the two. To hear her admit she liked your food, and was grateful for it—it was pure ecstasy!

“Do not think this will change anything between us” She’s quick to raise her guard upon realizing she’s allowed herself to be vulnerable for far too long, and hopefully, right before you got the wrong idea.

However, it was too late. Before she was able to do anything else, your eyes began to twinkle with a mischievous gleam that implied you’ve already begun to see her differently

“I’m still your mentor!’

“Of course!” You chuckled “My friend of a mentor”

“No. Stop it immediately” Junko fumes as she continues to dive into her work while you continue laughing.

Nonetheless, even if Junko somewhat indulged in this nonsensical banter, you still felt that she hasn’t completely allowed herself to be honest with you. There’s still so much that she’s holding onto, perhaps out of fear of vulnerability or her own family, making you wonder what it would take for her to finally open up to you.

Well, you wouldn’t force her.

For now, this fleeting moment of happiness is all you could ask for.

Having Mai and Maki back in your life was certainly something you took great enjoyment in, but as much as you were basking in their prosperity… you were starting to feel… tired.

Yes, you liked being with them and would do anything to never lose them again, but that didn’t mean you had to spend every waking hour with them. And not only because you were starting to have trouble keeping up to their hyperactive behavior, which dragged you from one corner of the estate to the other, but rather, because you’ve begun to disregard your other relationships:

Naoaki .

The poor man had remained quiet about this whole ordeal, presumably as to not make you feel bad, but you knew the truth.

Another thing that kept you agitated throughout the days was the link that he represented between you and your sister.

Of course, you didn’t want to say that this is the only reason you’ve been trying to reach out to him. No, obviously not—there was a healthy relationship at stake that you intended to preserve, as well as overall missing spending time with him and hearing his stories whenever he left the estate: You wished to know if he’d managed to save the wrongly-named property an opportunistic man thought capable of stealing, as well as his jujutsu endeavors.

And above all… to know if your sister finally responded to your letter.

You assume that enough time has passed already for her to write a missive of her own, and for it to subsequently arrive at the P.O. box solely designated for your correspondence; if that was the case, it was only a matter of having Naoaki go fetch it and bring it to you.

But just as if it’s written in the human genome, intrusive thoughts are quick to make way to your mind and plague them with all kinds of horrible outcomes, starting with the one that perhaps your letter was never sent, because it was intercepted by the Zen’in!

Something that didn’t make sense once you thought about it. If that had been the case, you probably wouldn’t be alive to talk about it. You discard it quickly.

However, you didn’t stop there. If that wasn’t the reason why you haven’t learned about your sister, it was because she hasn’t responded to it! Because she no longer cares about you!

That’s idiotic . You knew Hinata very well, and after promising to get you out of there, there was no way she would leave you stranded.

But

You do knew her to be a very busy person. Her valuable technique, alongside the notion that the jujutsu community wasn’t known for being very… just to it’s sorcerers necessities, still stuck in an outdated system the elders have refused to consider changing (the same one that put you in this situation) it was only reasonable that Hinata wouldn’t have gotten the chance to answer your message just yet.

Well, there’s still the positive side to look after.

The worst of the best scenarios, the mail service was simply late. It’s something that can definitely happen, more now that it is nearing the highest season of the year—the holidays.

And in the best of the worst, assuming your sister did indeed write back, Naoaki has simply not been able to go to the post office—you also had to consider that he was a busy man on his own, doing you a favor . The least you could do is not be demanding with him, especially after the two haven’t been able to spend time together.

Well, whatever the case, you already had something to look forward to, and that was spending time with him.

You managed to set some time aside from your busy schedule, fortunately matching with his, to catch up on all the things you missed.

You also made sure to let the twins know that you’d be a bit occupied, so whatever it was that they wanted to do today, it would have to be postponed for another time. Something they begrudgingly accepted, but soon overcame once Junko told them she was to go to the nearby village.

Moving on from that moment, you start making your way to the assigned rendezvous point, the same lily garden you’ve always frequented with him and had become somewhat of a symbol of your friendship with him.

You sit down, getting yourself comfortable on the engawa and begin to wait.

“Y/N”

Right on cue.

With a smile parting your lips, you proceed to greet the man with a tinkling call of his name, a gesture that he takes at heart and responds with a grin on his own.

Eager to take his rightful place by your side, he wastes no second to approach you and sit down, but before he’s able to do so, he’s halted by the sight of a tray essentially filled to the brim with all kinds of snacks and drinks—something he’s never seen your staff do so before, at least not to this extent, and rightfully assumes it wasn’t them.

“What’s with all this?” Naoaki says as he begins to look through its contents. There’s at least 3 packages of cookies, 2 bowls of fruit, a glass of orange juice and a cup of tea. Many options to choose from if one of them wasn’t to your liking. Were you perhaps… starving?

“Oh, the servants brought it” you say, eyeing down the items beside you, before patting the area next to you, as if to incite him to sit down.

“The servants? Like Mariya?” He accepts your suggestion and sits down.

“No” you shake your head “The rest of the servants. They’ve been acting like this for days now, I don’t know what’s gotten into them”

“Well, can’t say I don’t like seeing you getting some kind of appreciation, just like you deserve, but it’s quite odd”

“Oh, stop it” you roll your eyes, reaching out for a grape. “You can take whatever you want, it’s too much for me anyways—but yeah, you’re right. It’s a bit weird”

“Ah, well, don’t mind me. I’m starving” he says, proceeding to take you up on your offer and grab a cookie. “Well, it’s been a while Y/N”

“It has!” you gasp “It’s been too long! What have you been up to?”

“Not much, the usual that you already know—paperwork and jujutsu” he says, leaning back on his arms “And you?”

“Spending my time with the twins” you reminisce.

“The, oh so generous ones, that finally permitted you to spend time with me?” he smirks.

“It seems so” you chuckle back “But that makes them sound like they have me against my will, which I must confess, they do”

He laughs “Well, I’m glad you’re getting along with them. More so that Junko-san allowed it as well. She can be very overprotective of her daughters when it comes to it, but we already knew that”

“Yeah… it seems like we’ve worked out differences for now, that is, until I do something to infuriate her” you giggle.

“I guess we should give her a break. I can’t imagine being married to my uncle is a nice thing to live with”

“Oh, poor woman” you lament, although your interaction with Ogi has been short, you can imagine the nightmare it must’ve been to be related to him. In a way, you understood her.

Guess the only good thing that has ever come from him were his daughters. “And here I am, bothering her”

“I don’t think you’re bothering her, she’s simply worried that she can’t keep an eye on her daughters all the time… but at the same time, she deserves a break. Not that you’re they’re nanny of course, but… I think she’s starting to see that you’re a good person”

“You think so?” A part of you knows this to be a truth, specially after the interaction you two held back in the kitchen. You just liked being reassured, you presume.

“I know so” he doubles down “You’re a beautiful person, inside and out”

Embarrassed by his smooth compliment, you immediately glance away.

“...Thank you” you whisper as heat begins to take place on your cheeks. Just how long was he intending to keep this up?

“You’re welcome” he winks.

“Whatever” you pout at his silly expression before finally regaining the courage to drive the conversation back to its origin and onto a subject you were in deep urge to clarify. “...there’s something that I wanted to ask you”

The sudden shift in your tone is all that he needs to know.

“I think I know where you’re going.” Naoaki responds, showing that he was on the same page as you. “It’s about your sister, isn’t it?”

“Yeah” you nod “Has she… sent anything?”

For a few seconds, Naoaki seems to be considering whether to tell you the truth or design a lie to avoid your sadness. But if he were to do this… it’ll be disrespecting your trust, and you’ve grown to be someone so important to him to ever think of doing something like that.

Thus, coming to the appropriate decision, he takes a breath as he mentally prepares to start his report, and speak.

“I went today” Naoki begins. You perk your ears almost immediately after, as if physically trying to place all of your attention in his words and avoiding any of them to slip under your attention “And I think you’re not going to like it”

“What? What is it?” you urge frantically, the worst outcomes are already crossing your mind. “Please tell me Naoaki, did… Did my letter not go through? Did someone find out what we did?!”

“No, of course not. I took extra care to ensure no one will find out”

“Then… what is it?”

“I… checked the P.O. box and there was nothing—not a single letter. Empty ” he confides “I thought that maybe she hadn’t received the letter yet, but the system marks it as delivered, so… it all points to her not having sent anything yet”

You seem to be tackled by two emotions at the same time: relief, and anguish.

Relief, because it meant that your letter was sent as proposed. Received and signed by her, or so you assume. So at least that’s secured.

And anguish because… well, she hasn’t responded, and the secrecy behind her reasons has you uneasy.

You’d like to think that it wasn’t because she didn’t care, and more like she was simply busy with her life: her responsibility to the clan, the jujutsu community… and now, you.

Still, even if you foresaw this possibility… It didn't ease the pain.

You tried to reassure yourself that only the best, the good reasons were the ones behind her reasoning, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed, desperate even, that you hopefully held on… for nothing.

You were looking forward to this moment for the longest, and you wished you could’ve gotten some kind of closure at least… if you only knew why your sister had not responded, well, you think you would’ve been able to distance yourself from this harrowing twinge in your heart.

Seeing the way your face contorts into sadness, it doesn’t take long before Naoaki begins regretting telling you all this in the first place, proceeding to put his hand behind your back as if to root you back to the present, and offer the comfort of his words.

“I’m sorry” Naoaki says, rubbing your back. He’s very tempted to hug you, but he doesn’t want his gesture to be misinterpreted. Besides, they’re in the open, and if someone saw the two of you like that…

Yeah, he’d rather not risk it then.

“I asked them to double check if there wasn’t anything in the back, something they might have overseen… but nothing”

“It was a risk” you finally speak up “We knew what we were getting into”

“Are you… ok, Y/N?”

“Not really” you sigh, and this breaks his heart.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Well… we already knew this was a possibility so… I guess all that’s left for me to do is continue writing to her” you respond, giving him a mirthless smile “at least for her to not worry that much about me”

Naoaki knows your smile is not genuine, but it doesn’t stop him from admiring you any less. Even in the harshness of this reality, you still find it in yourself to move forward.

It baffles him that your husband isn’t appreciative of your nature.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to help you” He promises “Send as many letters as you need. Who knows? We might even fund the whole postal service by ourselves”

“I’m not planning to abuse your help that way” you squinted your eyes at his joke, although you had to admit, it was amusing. “Not if it’s your money we’re talking about”

“The postage is cheap, so don’t worry about it”

“Well, if that’s what we’re going to do… I guess I could do with more paper. Last time, I almost ran out of sheets because of my indecisiveness, and if that’s going to happen again, I want to be sure to ha—”

“Y/N-Chan! Y/N-chaaaan! ”

A squeamish voice calls in the distance. Soft, like a wind dancing with the breeze, but loud for neither to ignore.

A voice you’d recognize everywhere, but when it once brought you contentment, now gave you uneasiness due to its bad timing.

“Mai?” you gasp upon seeing the familiar figure of the girl coming right around the corner. Did you… not tell them you’d be busy today?

Well, it seems so. Because the oblivious girl continued to rush towards you, surprisingly unaccompanied by her twin sister, all whilst holding a colorful book in one hand, and a white rectangular box on the other.

“Look what mom got me today!” Mai says as she eagerly waves the items before you: a coloring book and a box of crayons. “She got it at the village because of my good grades, and I thought we could use it before Maki gets here! She paints horrible and always breaks my colors, so I don’t want her to use—”

Silence.

The unexpected quietness of her voice causes you to grow apprehensive as you suddenly see the color drain from her face.

Her gaze is intently fixed on a spot beside you, appalling enough to keep her rooted in the spot as something seems to flash on across her eyes. The contrasting difference from her enthusiastic behavior to her frightened facade causes you to determinedly follow her gaze towards the mysterious reasons that enacted such a change, and get to the bottom of it.

The answer behind her actions causes you to be further unsettled.

Naoaki .

You remember the girls telling you that they didn’t like him, or the rest of his siblings, when you suggested inviting over to use them as more players for their game.

Their response was one that somewhat disappointed you, but you didn’t think much about it. After all, their dislike for Naoya probably branched out to the rest of his brothers, and you weren’t about to force them to do something they didn’t want to.

Adding his tragic backstory, how the family forced one another to basically refute him whenever possible, it only made sense that Mai was struggling to accept the fact that he was there with you.

Yes, that must’ve been it. There was no other explanation. After all, if you were to reconsider Mariya’s words… Naoaki would be the one to understand them the most.

Hoping to snap Mai back into reality, you decide to step in.

“Mai” you call softly, but she doesn’t snap out of her trance “ Mai ” the girl suddenly returns, snapping her eyes onto yours “I’m sure Maki would love to color with you. Just tell her to be more careful, but if you want, how about we color tomorrow? So to make it—”

“N-no” she shakes her head, voice trembling with a whisper “It’s ok… maybe another time”

And with that, the young girl sharply turns on her heels and disappears back into the estate.

But not without leaving behind the aftermath of her odd behavior, which was now plaguing your mind.

Worrying that her actions could’ve also affected Naoaki, perhaps even more than you, for you do not believe that being rejected by his family members is something nice to experience, you decide to go back to him and comfort him, only to find that he wasn’t as… well, saddened as you expected.

No, in fact, his gaze seemed to be… well, distant . Mysterious.

You don’t know if he’s worried for her after her reaction—after all, he doesn’t have the same type of relationship you had with them, so he wouldn’t be able to relate as much as you did—or annoyed, because he wasn’t appreciative that his short time with you was interrupted by the same girls that hoarded all of your attention the other days.

Whatever his reason was, only Naoaki held the truth. And to him, the demonstration of his younger cousin’s dislike for him wasn’t anything new, but hurt the same.

But until he told you that, you knew there was something you had to do.

“I’m sorry about that” you start, believing that his reaction must’ve pertained to annoyance by her interruption “I thought I told them I wouldn’t be able to be with them today”

“Don’t worry about it” he says, eyes softening once he glances back at you “I was just… thinking”

“About what?” you tilt your head, curious.

“Well, about how they didn’t like me” he sighs “And how attached they seem to be to you, which makes me wonder… How did you meet in the first place?”

Well, that’s a story you haven’t looked back to in a long time.

It had to be the first time you traveled around the house after you somewhat managed to pull yourself together after receiving that… shocking sentence (which you still haven’t told Naoaki about) from Naobito.

But if you were to get into technicalities, it’ll have to be when Junko guided you through your first tour of the house.

It was almost comical now.

It started when you felt as if you were being targeted by a cursed enemy, specifically after you walked past the cursed basement and the little… incident you had subsequently.

The things you began to hear after that, the steps against the wooden door, the thuds, the whispers, the pale hand opening the nearby door…

All evidence that pointed to you being attacked, that is, until it was all revealed that it was them following you.

You couldn’t believe they’ve actually managed to pull that off, however, during one conversation that you had with them regarding this situation, it became clear that they never intended to make you feel that way: they simply wanted to get a look at you and that’s all.

You soon came to the conclusion that your wrong state of mind made it easier for you to be fooled; but now that it has all cleared up, you can look back at this story and have a laugh.

“I feel like my answer was a bit disappointing” you say upon noticing Naoaki sharing a somewhat forced chuckle. Way different from the genuine ones he’s shared with you in the past.

“No, it’s not that” he responds, shaking his head “It’s just… well, different to what I expected”

“What did you expect?”

“I… guess they haven’t told you, have they?”

Oh . You don’t like where this is going.

“Tell me… what?” you frown.

“Ah, don’t give me that look. I already feel like I’m not the best person to tell you this” he looks away.

“ Naoaki , you can’t say that and not tell me” you condemn “Are the girls ok?”

“As ok as they can be” Naoaki sighs, accepting his fate “If you must really know… Mai and Maki are set to become Naoya’s servants once they turn 15. It was decided as soon as they were born, apparently unwort—”

“Wait, hold up. What ?” you feel like you’ve skipped a few crucial steps before getting to this point of the conversation.

“The twins are currently being trained to become part of your husband’s staff” Naoaki repeats, internally wincing at the way your eyes begin to darken. “I… thought Junko-san had told you”

“No, she did not” you seethe, but the anger forming inside you wasn’t directed to her.

You were intelligent enough that this was a decision she held no power to influence, but rather… your insignificant husband.

Oh, you could see it now. The kick he must’ve gotten when Ogi, or whatever bastard was the one responsible for this, set the order in motion.

“No one told me about this” you admit..

“I imagined” Naoaki reveals in disappointment “Naoya isn’t one to speak about these things”

“And he’s fine with that?” you groan “he’s fine with children being stripped for their future, his own cousins , simply because they’re women?”

You felt so disgusted, just when you thought you couldn’t do so any more.

“It was decided when he wasn’t yet heir of the clan… but he now has the power to change that and has decided not to”

“That’s—that’s disgusting” you exclaim, beginning to see red.

“But there’s nothing you can do about it. Believe me, I tried” Naoaki sighs. “I don't even think you, his wife, could do so. I mean, you could try … you know, getting the idea out of him, but that’s all you can—”

“ Excuse me ?” you cringe. Has your hearing decided to fail today, or did Naoaki really suggest that?

“I obviously didn’t mean to offend you, Y/N. I would never see you like that, you know that. But… Well, we have to be honest too. To my brother, you’re nothing more than a piece of meat for him to use whenever he wants” he explains “But that can be to your benefit as well, maybe if you convince—”

“Wait” you scoff “Are you being serious right now?” He remains quiet.

“Look, Naoaki” you continue on, unable to remain silent while your shock remains unattended “I don’t know what's gotten into you. But just because that’s the reality of my marriage, doesn’t mean I want it openly discussed like this, less actually do what you’re implying ”

“I only intended to be assertive about it. Maybe we can use this to help the—”

“Naoaki!” You yell, deep in disbelief. You just told him you wanted to stop, and he didn’t care! “Surely you’re not serious about this?!”

“I mean, it’s all hypothetical, but we have to take advantage of what you represent if you want to do something!” he exclaims back, hoping that you’d understand his reasoning, but you had enough.

“You’re unbelievable” You breathe. holding back the tears that had begun to pool in your eyes after the repetitive stabs Naoaki inflicted in your heart with the shape of those suggestions.

Have you… miscalculated your friendship with him?

You hated to admit that… perhaps .

Deciding to avoid entertaining this situation any longer, you decided to stand up and retreat away from him.

“Wait, Y/N”! Naoaki cries, wasting no second to stand up himself and stop you with his hand on your shoulder, one that you crudely pull away from him as you continue walking away. “Y/N, I didn’t mean—”

“I know how Naoya sees me.” you, looking back at him. The sight of your sorrowful face is one he’d hoped to never see again, and yet, here it was. And because of his own damn fault.

“Y/N” he calls once more “I’m sorry, I shouldn't ha—”

“I just wished you , of all people, hadn’t reminded me of it”

Maybe you were exaggerating. Maybe you were not. Maybe he intended all this to be nothing more than a nasty joke, but the reality was that he’d stung a nerve.

In fact, it wasn't the first time you’ve confronted something like this in the past. When Naohiko jokingly called you an adulterer, you weren’t… well, thrilled about it. And you thought that by Naoaki’s reaction, he thought the same

However, to hear him mutter a similar word, coming from the one you’ve considered to be a safe haven of sorts, shocked you.

But it only got worse when you called him out on it, and he simply proceeded to justify himself…

God… you felt so stupid.

And yet, your mind was telling you to not follow down the path of generalization and group him with the likes of his family… because you couldn’t reject the things that he’s done for you in the past.

However the sense of betrayal you were currently undergoing forbids you from doing otherwise, and you now begin to sourly lament the ill decision of placing him on a pedestal.

Wanting to keep some distance from him and your emotions, you began to wander aimlessly across the many rooms of the estate, at least until you calmed down.

This decision eventually leads you to an empty room found deep in the south wing, past the laundry rooms, one you decided to use to seclude yourself from the rest of the world and diminish your spiraling sentiments, until you deemed yourself capable of moving on with your duties.

… Or so, that’s what would’ve happened, if the room wasn’t already in use.

Once you slid the door open and stepped inside, your eyes were quick to make the figure of not one, but two people at the end of the chamber.

But they weren’t just standing there, no. To begin, they were tightly wrapped in each other's embrace, impossibly closed to one another as if they were trying to melt together.

After that, the other thing that you noticed was the placement of their lips: on top of each other and swaying against them, a gesture of affection to profess their love.

Completely unaware of your presence, one of the figures, a man , proceeds to tighten up their grasp against their partner and pull them even closer , as if they were afraid that by the smallest of mistakes they would slip from their fingers and disappear forever.

The other, a woman , moaned into his mouth, basking in the affection the other was showering her with as she pushed her figure against him, leading her to slam him against the wall.

A… well, moving moment, you suppose, between two definitely intimate partners. And they seemed intent on continuing on, that is, until the sensation of being observed begins to creep from their spine, causing them to temporarily halt their contact and swirl towards the entrance.

You could say that having to watch them do that wasn’t the most… shocking detail to acknowledge.

No.

What shocked you the most is the realization that the woman involved… was none other than Mariya herself.

The awareness of those present is enough to drain the color of their skin, eyes widening to its fullest as they all stand speechless, attempting to muster a response, an explanation, or perhaps for them to be swallowed whole by the earth and disappear.

“I—I shouldn’t be here” You squeak, sharply turning on your heels and preparing to exit the room “Sorry!”

Your prime lady-in-waiting, understanding the weight of her actions, is quick to peel herself from her lover and attempt to reach out to you. However, you’ve proven to be much faster than her desperation, and just as she peeks through the door to catch a lead of your whereabouts, you are already gone.

“Lady Y/N!” Mariya cries, hoping to receive a response from you, but fails miserably.

Well, that’s one way to stop thinking about Naoaki.

It’s not like you were ignorant to the notion that other people had relationships, and were entitled to share affections with one another. No, of course not. They could do whatever they want.

The thing that shocked you the most is that you were exposed to a sight of Mariya… well, that you didn’t want to see?

You mean, who wants to see their close ones engaging in affections, like, willingly?? You’re not that weird!

Sure, it was an accident, one that you were more than eager to move on from and act as if it never happened. But you weren’t able to, because… well, she’s your main lady-in-waiting, the one that oversees all matters regarding you!

You were bound to see her one time or the other, and that’s exactly what happened. When it was time to continue on with her duties to you, neither of you could even look at the other’s eyes without you flinching away almost immediately, clearly embarrassed for having been experiencing this… moment.

Something that continued to upset you even when the sun had finally retreated for the day, and now, it was time to rest.

However, you miscalculated how affected Mariya was about this whole ordeal as well.

When she started to get you ready for bed, you noted her movements to grow… clumsy, hesitant. What usually took her one try, she was now doing up to 3.

Luckily, Haruko and Hitomi seemed to be a bit… unaware of this situation. And if they were, they simply assumed it must’ve been due to the tumultuous relationship you held with her. It’s at this point that you can’t help but wonder if they knew of Mariya’s relationship.

Oh no, did you uncover a secret you weren’t supposed to?!

Well, once their duties were completed, the sisters bid their farewells by wishing you a good night’s sleep, just as they always did. They proceed to leave the room first, and now… you and Mariya are left alone.

If you had luck, and she played her cards right, Mariya deemed it necessary to leave the room as well and call this awkward moment over.

But instead, she remains silent, almost as if she were deep in thought. Prompting you to hurry her departure with a:

“Goodnight”

She fidgets with her fingers, chewing on her bottom lip as she just… stands there, entertaining something in her mind. It’s only when she finally decides to speak that you realize… Well, this night wasn’t about to end just yet.

“Lady Y/N” she finally speaks up, and your uneasiness grows. “I… was wondering if I… could have a moment with you?”

You swallow. This is just what you needed.

But if this his how you’ll get this over with… might as well.

You nod, and Mariya takes your response as her cue to walk closer, stopping just by the edge of the futon and sitting down onto her lap.

She takes a deep breath, mentally hyping herself up to discuss the evident issue between the two. Something she’s never needed, for she was always direct when it comes to dealing with problems.

Guess there’s always a first time for everything.

“I want to talk… about what happened earlier”

“I didn’t see anything” you blurt out almost immediately, but far from achieving the desired results, the ones that would give her the understanding that this is a matter she can put down to rest and get out of your room, simply convinces her that this is an urgent matter to discuss.

“What you saw” she treads carefully “Or rather, who you saw me with was my partner, Tatsuro”

As much as you declared this as something you didn’t want to talk about, the introduction to her partner was quick to revoke that sentiment and replace it with curiosity, wondering what the intentions behind her telling you this were.

A doubt that Mariya notices, but knows to be revealed when she lays her foundations down.

“We’ve been together for a few years” she continues “He was already here before I started, but I didn’t meet him until a month after. 6 months later, we started dating”

Still, you don’t get why she was telling you this. If anything, shouldn’t you be the one to use this occurrence as blackmail?

“Against out contractual agreement”

“Contractual… agreement?” you blink.

Mariya nods “We’re not allowed to date within the staff. The masters of this house think of it as a… distraction of sorts, and a possible liability if a pregnancy comes from the relationship. Thus, a matter to report”

Wait.

Report?

“You shouldn’t have seen that, because it was something that wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place” She continues to justify “Whatever punishment you deem fit for this misbehavior, I’ll take it without objection” she finalices by leaning forward, hands sliding down to her sides and onto the floor as her heads lowers as low as she can go, ending just a few inches away from the ground.

Without a doubt, she’s pleading you to do as she requested.

It was no secret that your relationship with Mariya wasn’t exactly at its best presentation, and that you both held vastly contrasting opinions, but even with all that taken into consideration, you wouldn’t actually go ahead and get her into trouble by snitching on her for having a boyfriend, of all things!

In fact, she knew you were ignorant about this small detail written in her contract, and if she wanted to leave unscathed from this whole situation, she could’ve easily done so by avoiding bringing up the subject completely.

And yet… she’s come to you, tail between her legs, begging you to report her to the respective authorities.

Thus, you’re left without words.

“I’m… not going to do that” you finally state; regardless of your situation with her, you were still capable of understanding that this was a condition that the Zen’in had no business restricting. Why do they have to control the personal life of their staff? If anything, they should be offering better working conditions for them!

Well, you’re expecting too much of nothing.

“But… I need to know” You continue on now that Mariya has pulled herself away from the matter floor and set her gaze directly onto yours, evidently confused by your diverted course of actions. “Why did you tell me this?”

“Because it’s my duty” she responds, and you can’t help but take her answer as evading the question, out of protocol if you must. “My duty to you ”

“To sabotage yourself?” you egg on dubiously “You know this could only be detrimental for you, and your partner”

She lowers her gaze.

“We already spoke of the consequences, and it’s something we’re willing to face”

You sigh; perhaps you were expecting too much from her as well.

Or so… you believed.

“And to… make my intentions clear with you”

“Intentions?” you queried; her words make you tense, anxious , was her long awaited admittance of her ulterior motives about to become true?

Will you permanently set her as your enemy, one that you’d have to consider as a threat from this point forward?

Not quite.

For Mariya held nothing but a pure heart.

“From the moment I was assigned to be under your care, I knew I had achieved a good reputation amongst my superiors” Mariya starts, recounting the day Meiko had come to her to inform her of what many in the work field would call a raise “And that I had to continue performing my duties with the same metrics that got me there on the first place, if not more, because being assigned as part of the personal staff of a woman of your rank, the team leader in another words, was no easy task, but I was excited to do so anyways.

With this new position in my hands, I was given the opportunity to also suggest who else I would like to have in my crew. Haruko and Hitomi were the first ones that came to mind, due to being the rising stars amongst the staff for their consistent positive feedback at the end of each season, as well as my personal fondness for them; it didn’t take me much to understand they were the ones I needed to have in my team, thus, they were also assigned to be under your care.

Then, the day finally came. The day you were to arrive at the estate. We’ve heard some rumors about you, but we paid no mind to them. It was always better to make an opinion out of our own experiences.

In fact, I don’t think either of the girls could sleep, each one of them dreadfully worrying that they would mess up their job on the first day. However, I knew they wouldn’t. Their job was something they were exceptionally good at, and it was simply the nerves talking for them.

When we finally saw you for the first time, we were… were, astonished.

You were far prettier than we imagined, and definitely more amicable compared to the rumors your in-laws were already spreading about you. However… we did notice that there was something… different when it came to you and the rest of the women we’ve served in the past.

There was something in your eyes , the way they glimmered, or perhaps they way they didn’t that soon made us understand this wasn’t what you wanted. The other’s at least acted like they were agreeable to their new arrangement, but your tired face proved us otherwise.

And when you finally confessed to wanting to rest, an excuse used to obtain a moment alone from your husband… we knew you were forced to be here.

Wanting to give you that space, I asked Haruko and Hitomi to prepare something extra for you, against your wishes, in hopes to alleviate that homesickness I knew you were going through. After all, I wanted to give you the best impression, to serve my new mistress the best way I could, as well as earning your trust.

And because I was so eager to serve you appropriately… I naively thought I held power against Naoya’s will when it came to your health; I failed to recognize that not even you, the wife we heard he’d desperately sought after, was enough to change his behavior.

I wasn’t ignorant to the way the men would treat their own kind, but I guess my inexperience on witnessing their methods to obtain these results was what stopped me from being able to protect you from your husband’s domineering ways”

A sharp memory flashes inside your head.

The loud noise you heard outside the room that fateful day, the same one that abruptly woke you up into panic. A thundering like resonance against the floor…

It all made sense now.

It had been Mariya literally falling victim to the atrocious demands of your husband—moments before he barged into the room and took you by force.

And you still had the nerve to blame her for allowing him inside.

“You don’t know how much I regretted allowing you to be a victim of my inaction” Mariya continues on, a tremble now clear in her voice “I wished I could’ve done more, stood up against him and demanded to leave you alone. But I couldn’t. All that I did was hear your cries as I stood there, doing nothing , because I began to fear that he’d also do the same to me”

Your eyes start to burn.

“But what hurts me the most is that I’ve lost the trust I never even had the chance to win. I made you think I was against you, cornering you to believe that you were alone in this prison of a house.

Haruko and Hitomi continued to torment themselves for not being able to do much that day, but I did my best to reassure them that it wasn’t their responsibility. After all, I was the one in charge of your health. Besides, they had their family to look after, I just have me to care for.

And yet… that didn’t matter to them when they decided to beg me to stop Naoya’s inexorable rampage once you came back from the doctor. They were more than willing to throw their job away if it meant protecting you from the cruel games of your husband.

I eventually acted, but not because of my own volition. I was ashamed that I had even doubted if I should help you or not.

I feel ashamed that I failed you once more”

You don’t like this.

You don’t like listening to this, to her, to her voice, her reason, to the fact that you’ve cruelly misjudged Mariya and her intentions, the sisters intentions, the reason they had to hold back and limit themselves to follow their masters orders, believing that they didn’t help you because they were selfish, and not because they were entitled to look after themselves as well!

How could you demand their absolute loyalty, when they’re constantly facing the threat of losing their job, the income their families depend on, as well as the stability of having a roof to sleep under and food to eat every day? For someone they didn’t even know?!

If anything, you should’ve been the person that understood them the most! You knew what it was to live with the daily fear of having to watch your actions, or face the consequences of not doing so.

But you didn’t.

And yet… she continued to serve you. To help you. To comfort you—as if she were the one that wronged you.

And you?

You only judged her.

“It was never my intention to make you believe I was working against you” Mariya declares as she clenches her first against her lap, a tear falling down to her skirt “And if this is something that will help you understand I never meant to hurt you, then I’ll do it”

“No—please” you finally break the limits of your silence with a whimper, raising your hands to cover your eyes, a futile attempt to run away from the shame your actions have brought to you. “Please, don’t do this. You don’t have to—I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you, more than what I’ve already done to you”

“I don’t resent you for doing what you did” Mariya genuinely understood how afraid you’ve become thanks to the unceasing torments of your new family. Even then, she is empathetic to you. “I’m just… sorry that my inexperience facing these kind of situations affected you”

“Mariya, please—! I—” you sob, voice breaking “I’m so—sorry”

“Oh, Y/N” she coos, rushing to your figure and taking you in her arms, feeling guilty that her words seemingly hurt you once more. “I never wanted you to cry, I just… I just wanted to tell you this”

“I feel… horrible , disgusted with myself for treating you the way I did” you bewailed, leaning into her touch “The things I told you, the way I reacted towards you—how could I be so blind to all the things you’ve done for me? And then to compare you to Naoya and his family!”

“We’ve both done things we regret” She says, hugging you tighter to her and placing her head above yours. The woman had long understood that you were simply reacting out of your desperation, but you were still kind. She’s seen it with Mai, and Maki, with Haruko, and Hitomi…

“I’m sorry for pushing you away”

“I had to take some time.” Mariya explained “It hurt me to leave you, but I needed space to think about me, about us .”

“I should’ve have done that” you sniffle “But I’m… glad you’re here now”

“I guess I have Tatsuro to thank for pulling me into that room so out of nowhere” Mariya jests in hopes of earning a chuckle from you, smiling earnestly once she hears your quiet laughter. “I would’ve have gotten the courage to speak to you if it weren’t for him”

“I’m sorry” you whisper, now referring to your small… interruption.

“I should’ve been more careful” she sighs “It’s not your fault—If anything, I should be sorry for exposing you for something you didn’t ask to see”

Silence eventually grows between the two as your cries come to a halt. Staying close together for a few more instances as you mentally rehash the successions of tonight’s talk.

Now that both opened up to one another and acknowledged each other’s mistakes… you and Mariya were more than ready to leave everything behind and move onto the future: one that would have you placing your trust on her, and vice versa.

“Can we… start again?”

Mariya chuckles, and this makes you blush out of embarrassment, seemingly believing to have said something incorrectly “...What?”

“Nothing” she shakes her head, grinning “It’s exactly what I was thinking—I guess great minds think alike”

“I guess they do” You laugh “Thank you… Mariya. For not giving up on me”

“Thank you for accepting me” She sighs, and with this, the long strenuous chapter you had with Mariya ends the best possible way:

With you now having the fortune of calling her your friend .

Knock, knock .

There’s a sound coming from outside your bedroom. A noise loud and clear, yet, so distant. And your body reacts accordingly to it by scrunching your face and groaning in protest at the interference.

Your mind remains somewhat conscious, as if testing the waters and hoping to see if this succession was to happen once more—maybe it was directed at you, you have still yet to figure it out.

But when a few seconds pass and the night continues on with its usual silence, you begin to relax once more into the soft pillows below you, diving into deep slum—

Knock, knock .

It was at your door, you had no doubt about it now.

And whoever was behind those noises seemed unable to wait until the morning to deal with whatever it was that they wanted to deal with as they continued to knock again —much to your annoyance.

Now wide awake, you shuffle underneath the covers placed on your futon bed, moving your arms to your sides and prompting your body upwards.

A yawn escapes your lip as your vision begins to get accustomed to the profound darkness engulfing your room—signaling it was either very late at night, or early in the morning. Nonetheless, hours that no one is supposed to be waiting outside your room.

You intently stare as you continue to debate whether to tell the person off and demand them to come back later, in a more appropriate time, or deal with this situation assertively and directly. Now , in other words.

Well, even if you wanted to push them away, it was more than probable that they already heard you getting out of your bed, and as you reach out for the nearby lamp to turn it on, the adrenaline behind uncovering the mysterious caller prompts you to speak.

“Who is it?” you ask, voice confident and direct… or so you thought, because you unwillingly dragged the last few words of your sentence thanks to your drowsiness.

Your question would be hastily acknowledged in a matter of seconds, so you didn’t even bother theorizing who it was.

However, you can admit that it was not who you expected.

“It’s me”

“ Naoaki? ” you frown, and the displeasure you felt for him thanks to early events (temporarily calmed by Mariya’s conversation) came back to you at full speed. “What do you want? Are you here to make fun of me while I’m asleep?”

“What? No, of course not” he whispers, hoping to calm down your rising voice with his soft tone and avoid waking up the others. Visiting you at this hour was a risk on its own.

Well, if it was so dangerous, why didn’t he consider doing that another time?

“I’d never do that”

“Yeah, whatever” you responded dismissively as you rubbed your eyes, a yawn escaping your lips soon after “What do you want then?”

“I… wanted to talk” he eventually confesses “If you allow me”

“At this hour?” you counter “Have you gone crazy? Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“I tried contacting you throughout the day, but it seems you were never available” He says, referencing the many times you’ve turned away from him as soon as you realized he was amongst your premises. Even if it wasn’t him, you wouldn’t take the risk and you’d just leave.

Well, now that he brought it up… you had to admit that you were planning on doing the same tomorrow, if you were still feeling the same of course. Guess it was only fair to give him the chance to explain himself if he truly wanted it.

“Fine” you sigh, defeated. “You’re already here”

“Can I come in?”

“Might as well” you murmur while rubbing your eyes, and Naoaki slides the door open, carefully enough to not make a single noise. And yet… strangely, for you see him trying to avoid showing his back to you, almost as if he were hiding something behind it.

Well, your theory only became more concrete upon noticing the adamancy of keeping his left arm behind his back.

What an odd way to approach you, if it wasn’t weird enough that he was doing so at night.

Once the door is closed, Naoaki glances up at you. And the sight that receives him is enough to take his breath away.

You look… well, sleepy, of course. But outside that… wow. The shock he gets for seeing you with your hair down for the first time is… well, indescribable. You look so… soft, cute in a way. A vision that he attempts to imprint in his mind as he walks towards you.

“What is it?” you say upon noticing the… well, dumb look on his face.

“Nothing” he blinks back to reality “I just… thought I saw something”

“Let’s hurry” you say, crossing your arms “What do you want to talk about?”

“About earlier” his words give you some kind of déjà vu “About the mistake I committed against you”

“There’s nothing to talk about, you know what you did”

“I want you to know that I didn’t mean to any of it, less to hurt you”

“But you didn’t stop”

“No. I didn’t” he replicates, a contrasting reaction from the way you were expecting him to respond. You could say that you were waiting for him to go ahead and justify himself, but he didn’t. “And it was wrong”

Amused by his words, you decide to finally engage with a reasonable conversation with him.

“... then why did you do it?” your murmur. It was intended to solely be a question to keep the conversation going, however, your voice softens at the end. You might’ve not consciously done it, but something inside you pushed your true emotions to appear through your voice, demonstrating how truly damaged you were for his actions.

“Because I misjudged our friendship” he says, using the same words you used back then as to make his point across. “...I guess I felt comfortable enough with you to the point I thought I could share everything with you. Without thinking that… I could still hurt you. I mean, I guess I already knew that when I told you about my upbringing, but… this was different. This was towards you and I failed to filter my words because I thought… I didn’t have to”

“...you always have to filter your words, even with your friends”

“That’s the thing” Naoaki smiles “This time away….and the other as well, made me realize something”

You blink “What… thing?”

“How special you’ve become to me, more so than just a simple… friend.” he confesses “How much I love hearing your voice, keeping your company, talking to you, and have you listen to my missions I know to be boring, but the way you react to them, makes me think they’re the most amazing ones. I can’t help but feel a bit jealous when I see you with others… but that’s only natural, after all, why wouldn’t they be attracted to you and your kindness?”

Your heart seems to skip a bit as your eyes widen in shock.

There was not a single trade of deceivement, a hidden motive to get you to lower down your guard and accept his words. But… it wasn’t. No, the time you’ve spent with Naoaki, the one you used to get to know him, gave you the basic understanding of his mannerisms, revealing that everything that he said until now was genuine, honest and with nothing more than good intentions.

And, if you dared to wander a bit further… you could even interpret his words as some kind of confession .

“I do have to say that being on the receiving end of your anger was… well, unpleasant” Naoaki remarked nervously “But even then, it only reaffirmed what I already held for you… and how much it meant to swallow my pride and do what was right—As well as realizing that your pout was much cuter than your smile, although they’re beautiful on their own”

“You don’t have to be cheesy about it” you scoff, blush in your cheeks as you look away “A simple compliment would’ve been enough”

“Where’s the fun in that?” he says “...but, on a more serious note. I’m sorry. I’m never been good with my words, or their timing, specially when it comes to expressing my feelings”

«I would’ve never guessed» you think «You always seem so smooth when you speak…» Did he really think you weren’t affected by the way he treated you from time to time? How you’d turn red whenever he gave you a compliment, one that went beyond being courteous, or the attention he placed on you just to ensure your comfortability?

“I think I’m straying away from what I want to say” Naoaki circles back “What I wanted to say is… I never wanted to hurt you, and it would make me incredibly happy if I continued having you in my life. But if you don’t see it in yourself to forgive me, I’ll understand”

He then proceeds to reveal the reason he had an arm placed behind him, setting it down onto the matter floor and just a few inches away from your reach.

“This isn’t some kind of bribe or extortion tactic. I… intended to give you these earlier, but I wasn’t able to do so because of… well, what happened—I still want you to have them though”

“What is it?” you ask, looking down onto the light purple plastic bag and the box inside it.

“Open it up”

You take the pastel pink rectangular box out of the bag, the first thing you notice was the label of the store imprinted on the top; judging by the small description underneath the logo, it seems to be something about sweets .

You then proceed to place the box on your lap as you carefully break the seal holding down the edges, efforts ending in finally revealing its contents.

An image that brings forth a sharp gasp from your mouth.

Mochi .

“I wanted to buy you some from the moment you told me these were your favorite”

You recall the exact moment it happened—back at the stable when the two were discussing suitable names for horses, inspired by your mother’s decision to name her beloved stallion ume , while Naoaki chose cupcake .

And you… well, you’d choose mochi .

“But finding the best ones was a task I never thought could be as difficult as it was” he admits “There were so many options to choose from—not that I’m complaining. I just… worry that I might’ve not gotten the ones you like”

There’s different colors, pink, yellow, green, blue , and purple. Hinting all kinds of flavors and fillings, ones that you were all too eager to try.

Yet, what shocked you wasn’t the fact that he’d brought you a wide selection of sweets to indulge in, implying that he must’ve spent a reasonable amount of money to get them as well as time putting them together.

But rather… that he remembered these were your favorite, and in such a casual conversation you assumed he would’ve already forgotten by now.

A gesture… you knew your husband would never bother to do so, because you weren’t of his interest.

But not to Naoaki, his brother. Your brother-in-law. The person that held no legal responsibility towards you, outside of getting along for the sake of politics.

He could’ve done so much to hurt you… and yet, he hasn’t. Instead, he decided to step up and do what his brother, his family… never thought appropriate to do.

Even if he’s made mistakes, because no one is perfect in this world, he’s capable enough of recognizing what he’s wronged, and not just blaming you for them. To have him opening his heart to you out of fear of losing you, like you were someone worthy of his time… made you feel—

And as you continue to stare at the box on your lap, you come to the blissful acceptance of something you’ve only entertained during whimsical moments with him, but now… believed to be the beginning of something true.

“Do you not like them?” he asks, oh, poor Naoaki. He probably thinks you were still angry at him, but that was long forgotten. “I can take them back and get you something else, if you’d like.”

How could you? After he voiced and showed you how important you were to him? His willingness to accept his mistakes and make you happy…

“That’s not it” you giggle, closing the box before you and finally looking up to him. The adoring way your eyes looked at him, your lips turned into a smile…

You were sure of it now.

“I was just… thinking how…”

I wished I had married you.

#series: first it hurts—#jjk naoya #naoya zen'in #naoya zenin x you #naoya zen'in x reader #naoya zenin #jjk x you #jjk imagines #jjk fic

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bumblerhizal-art · 2 years

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Find the Word

Thanks for the tag @heniareth and also the second tag today that reminded me i left this on the backburner! This was a lot of fun, and for some of the words, forced me to actually work on the fics enough to make them presentable (although don't take that to mean these are anywhere near their final forms). Somehow, i did manage to scrounge together an already-written bit for each! It's a good thing Google Docs lets you search across all files at once is what i'll say lol

I've listed next to each excerpt which wip they come from and a quick few words about each because the day i get to the point immediately is the day i die

Going to tag you back in turn Heniareth as well as @wild-houseplant @badartxd @heapster-45 and @shadowkat678 to find the words drink, lie, warm, and/or cold! No pressure tho!

Follow (from Hidden - a still unanswered Tumblr prompt)

Novhen said, "Why don't you come sit with me while I wait for my strength to come back? There's still space for another."

Kieran cautiously stepped forward. As he turned the corner of the bench, he kept his eyes fixed on Griffon. Novhen followed his line of sight.

"Don't worry yourself about him," he said. "He's a smart dog. Wouldn't hurt a hair on your head."

Griffon huffed as though any other possibility would have been completely absurd.

Kieran sat down slowly. He now stared off into the distance, refusing to look Novhen or Griffon in the eye.

Stay (from The Diaries of Novhen Tabris - a translation of the personal journals of the Hero of Ferelden centuries after he lived, this excerpt is immediately post GoA and Witch Hunt)

17. Wintermarch 9:32 Dragon

Received a summons from the First Warden which Mistress Woolsey tells me must be acted on immediately. That's fine. I didn't need rest anyway.

In the time I've been gone, Soris apparently announced his engagement to a blackhaller's daughter. Shockingly, nobody took well to this. He's gone and eloped to Maker-knows-where. I've found a few letters on my desk from him dated to before his disappearance. He must think I've abandoned him.

This isn't going to mean well for the alienage either. Once the dust settles, we'll be without a bann or hahren. I'm going to arrange to speak with Alistair after I return from Weisshaupt, but until then, I have to assume management will return to the Arl of Denerim. If I try to stop through the city on the way, who knows how long they'll get me to stay for. Best to depart directly from Amaranthine and wait to deal with this until I get back, so they can keep me for however many months they demand.

Fish (from Rites of Passage - the retelling of Novhen's prologue)

Soris handed the sword, the shield, the bow, and the quiver one by one into Novhen's hands, and Novhen tucked them away one by one behind the folds of the fabric.

“If anyone asks, you're delivering refreshments to Vaughan's quarters.” Adwen evaluated the cart, “This still looks like a one man job though. Soris, come here."

Soris looked up from where he was handing off Duncan's quiver. Adwen was walking towards a two tier pie with fish heads sticking out of the edges. He shimmied it off of the kitchen table, and Soris jogged over to take it off his hands. With bending knees and heavy breathing, the massive dessert was laid into Soris's arms.

"Say it needed extra care."

"We've already spent too much time on this. Let's go," Novhen gripped the cart’s handle. "Thank you, Adwen, more than I can say."

Light (from Gathering Frays - between Origins and Awakening)

He tried to listen to them through the walls and floors. He couldn’t tell exactly where they had run off to after tossing him in this room. It was possible they were interrogating [Alistair/Loghain] first. He tried to listen to their voices, but they were far too distant. It would be futile to try to make out their words even if they were speaking the Trade tongue, which, now that Novhen thought about it, seemed unlikely. A pod of Orlesians Wardens discussing top-secret matters in Ferelden were going to be speaking Orlesian. Maybe some of the older generation could speak it, but Novhen certainly could not.

The indistinct voices dissipated. A moment later, footsteps drew closer. A single person. Lighter step than most. Up the stairs and towards this room. Novhen straightened his posture and rose. The door creaked open.

It was the elf, Andras.

"Good morning, son. Would you please take a seat?" he spoke gently and with an Orlesian accent.

"Of course, ser."

The thought briefly passed his mind to take the seat at the head of the desk, but he shot it down. This was hardly the time to pull stunts. He carefully sat himself in the oak chair in front of the desk while Andras took the seat behind it.

#wip #find the word #novhen tabris #thanks for tagging me!#specifically not double checking the excerpts after copypasting them #but my free time just opened up so maybe i can actually finish some fic soon!#which means. editing

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uk-metoidioplasty-diary · 2 years

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It’s been a long while, but just found my log in again to update that I should finally be getting some balls at the end of the month.

Brief timeline:

Referred - January 2017

Stage 1 - April 2018

Stage 2 - October 2019

Offered date - 28th September

Consult - 18th October

Pre-op - 4th November

Surgery - 28th November

I was offered an earlier date, which would have been May, but it was a couple of weeks after I was moving the length of the country and had far too much on, plus a new job, to juggle surgery as well.

The “consult” was a bit of a waste of time, thankfully done via phone. The phonecall lasted 77 seconds and I didn’t get a chance to ask any questions. It only lasted long enough to confirm that I just wanted testicular implants and tell me that I’d get small ones to keep it in proportion.

It was initially arranged to do the pre-op by phone as well due to the distance I’d need to travel, and to get my GP to do the blood tests, MRSA swab, and urine sample for infections, but my GP was refusing to do it for me. I could probably have argued further, but I didn’t want to risk spending too long fighting it and end up running out of time. I ended up doing a 30 hour round trip to get it done, but it did mean I got to see the new hospital. I’m not a fan of private hospitals at all but New Victoria seems one of the better ones that I’ve been to. The nurse and phlebotomist that I saw were very friendly and kept offering me tea and biscuits because I looked knackered from leaving the house at 3am.

They’re predicting 1-2 weeks needed off work, although I won’t be surprised if it takes a bit longer for me to feel ready due to the nature of my job, but we’ll see how that goes. Feeling very calm about it at the moment, just want to finally get all the surgeries out of the way. Mostly feeling daunted about having to make the journey up to Scotland post-surgery as previously I only lived an hour or so away, but hopefully I can manage it alright.

I’m also being kept in overnight, which differs from what I’ve heard some other people report with just testicular implants, but that could be due to the distance that I’ve got to travel.

#metoidioplasty #lower surgery #lower surgery UK #metoidioplasty UK

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mygainyear2024 · 6 months

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Day 4 Off the beaten track and 22,579 steps to language school

After breakfast I headed to the gym to do my own (the exercise physio's) program which went pretty smoothly. It wasn't too crowded and I found what I needed. I still managed to miss a turn getting there!

After much fluffing around on the computer, I finally got out the door and headed to Alvor for lunch and my first Portugese lesson at Golfland (basically a putt putt). I posted a question about a month ago on a Facebook page enquiring about language classes and had one response, they put me in touch with Rebecca Cuddeford.

I thought I might walk based on the advice of the Canadian couple I met yesterday, although they indicated the coastal route was the one they took. Given my tardiness I decided to follow the maps.me instructions inland. I did notice the path seemed to go off road, but I went with it and saw a different side of the Algarve. It was quite warm today, around 20-21°, I felt the heat walking in the middle of the day. I was also feeling a tad adventurous, not knowing what might be around a corner, until I started listening to a podcast on the Women Who Travel, Condé Nast Traveler program. Alice Morrison walked across Morocco with three nomads and six camels over 7 months. I think she said she did 70,000kms!! Now that's adventure.

I booked lunch at Ria de Alvor at Wyndam Residences. I enjoyed my fresh herb crusted cod, sadly without wine. I just could not entertain the idea of a glass of Mateus and there was no other rosé by the glass. Later, one of the participants in the language school told me that she'd never eat there! Despite all my research prior to coming I had of course missed the main attractions in Alvor, the harbour and its restaurants, and some cute shops I saw on the way to the bus. This was also the case with Ferragudo yesterday, me in the industrial area, while apparently a different world awaits (realised after I did a review of my copious notes). Luckily I'm here for a while and can return.

I had thought about walking back along the coastal route into Praia da Rocha for gelato, but the language teacher advised against it on my own. The reason, the path is not always obvious and can crumble away! Falling off cliff tops before I actually retire is not something on my bucket list. I do have some women who responded to other Facebook posts I wrote (I sent messages to them today announcing my arrival) so I'll ask their advice and whether they'd like to join me. Otherwise Gary, who attended the class today, is a member of a walking group/s and knows everybody, according to the teacher! I had a lovely quick informative chat with Michelle and ?? about owning property in Portugal. They are still based in the UK, but holiday regularly in Portugal. They said they do pay tax in both countries, but there's some arrangement between Portugal and the UK.

It was a fast paced lesson. Rebecca moved to Portugal eight years ago and within four years started to teach. For €5 per hour payg there were about 15 of us. I was the only Australian and I think I heard all British and Irish accents, some sounded quite funny speaking Portugese. I think they were mostly retired, there was one guy who is an actor and he was switched on with it and sounded fabulous. It is an interesting language, there seems to be some German, French, Italian and maybe Spanish influences. Ricardo, the trainer at the gym last night, sounded like he was saying German words (maybe he was!). Anyway aside from Olá (Hi), obrigada (thank you), um galão (a frothy milky coffee), pastel de nata (Portugese tart), I can now practice Chamo-me Jody (my name is Jody), como estás (how are you?), muito benn (very good), quero uma cerveja (I'd like a beer!). We did practice what was taught last week and then moved on to months of the year and numbers.

I ended the outing with a triple scoop gelato (ricotta & café, pistacchio italiano and my preference, crosscantino & rum) from Gelateria Sorbetto, in Praia da Rocha, only a 12 minute walk from my apartment. It was excelente!

I'm pleased to announce the €2.99 (discounted from €5) bottle of rosé from Setúbal is drinkable. It went down well with my homemade (em casa) prawn fried rice, which was still edible with the notes of turps syrah splashed in as stock!

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nayumis · 1 year

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Fast Cut Video Edit

The idea behind this was to create a video which features various shots to bring out the detailed dance movements in a loud manner for audiences with shorter attention spans. Furthermore it matches the concept of the poster designs which showcases different body parts at a time. It would have been better if I shot the close up videos by actually bringing the camera closer to the dancer, but thankfully the videos were good enough quality to just be zoomed in in post editing (although the lowered frame rate choice I made did make the video quality worse, but to tackle this I made sure the colour grading complimented this).

This was a long process of going through all of my videos, noting down which durations feature the best bits, making sure those parts are the same length as my other videos, shuffling the clips around and arranging them in a way which was visually engaging but also varied.

Below are screenshots of the making process:

As I added different clips into the same project, I found it difficult to manage how some clips were colour graded differently. At first I attempted to fix this by going into each nested layer (which consisted of two overlapping videos each with different opacities), however this was ineffective.

Therefore to resolve this I added an adjustment layer above the entire video and colour graded them altogether (with the exception of how some parts needed to be adjusted individually due to differences in backdrop lighting).

This colour adjustment layer was also pasted into my conceptual video edit so that all of my video outcomes have been colour graded in the same way for visual consistency. The colour adjustment layer was make also in accordance to my posters so the poster visuals match the video's visuals (as much as possible -but digital and print media was very difficult to colour match for consistency).

Below is the Final Cut Video:

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cheesybadgers · 2 years

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Narcos Fic: Trigonometry (Part 2: Cosine)

Part 1, Part 3 - Read on AO3 - Masterlist

All In Universe Masterlist

Pairing: Horacio Carrillo x Steve Murphy x Javier Peña

(Parts 1 and 2 focus on Carrillo/Murphy, but part 3 will be Carrillo/Murphy/Peña)

Words: 4,983

Summary: With Javi still missing, Carrillo and Steve visit his apartment where tensions finally boil over (understatement lol).

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Weapons kink, gun play, power dynamics, praise kink, handjobs, frottage, masturbation, unprotected anal sex/fingering, biting/marking, dirty talk, spanking, comeplay, jealousy, denial of feelings, brief mentions of divorce and open marriage, inappropriate use of prayer (there’s a warning I never thought I’d use lol), mild angst, swearing, smoking, drinking.

Notes: I have no excuses for this tbh 😂 Although it ended up having more feelings in it than intended 👀 And there are plenty more shenanigans to come in the third and final part as well 😉

Whilst obviously I do not own Narcos or its characters, please do not copy, re-post, or plagiarize this fic in any capacity on this or other platforms. If you wish to create any fan works inspired by it, please provide a credit or send me a message if in doubt.

Part 2: Cosine

Carrillo’s seniority made it easy to arrange a helicopter to take them to Bogotá in quick time and with few questions asked. They were still reluctant to officially call it in and gave themselves a deadline of the following morning. That would make it at least 24 hours Javi had been missing, but they couldn’t think about that yet and preferred to see it more as an insurance policy.

Once back in Bogotá, they crossed the threshold of Javi’s apartment and shut the door behind them. The place seemed smaller now that it was just the two of them, as though the walls were closing in and there was no way out.

They both tried to ignore it in favour of looking for any clues instead. Although much like the absence of Javi in his own apartment, the negative space was the problem. The way that things which were unsaid or unaddressed were there nonetheless. It was the implied intimacy of Carrillo knowing his way around and of Steve and Javi having spare keys to each other’s apartments. It was the way the three of them had avoided each other since that fateful night, yet it was clearly all they could think about. It was the way Steve and Carrillo refused to talk about the worst-case scenario for Javi because then they would have to admit they had thought about it in the first place.

However, there was no sign that Javi had been here recently. His bed was still made, there were no messages or missed calls on his machine, and it didn’t look like anyone had broken in or taken anything. It was like the man had simply vanished.

Carrillo took two glass tumblers out of the drinks cabinet and filled them with whatever bottle Javier already had open. He slid one across the kitchen counter towards Steve, who eyed it with great suspicion.

��Don’t worry, I’m not poisoning you.”

Steve pinned Carrillo with a look of intense irritation but accepted the drink with a reluctant thanks.

Whilst Steve nursed his glass, Carrillo pulled his phone out of his pocket, dipped into Javi’s bedroom and closed the door.

Steve wasn’t intentionally listening, but it was hard not to be overheard in this place when the walls were so thin. From what he did catch, it was clear Carrillo was telling his wife he wouldn’t be home tonight.

Steve brought the tumbler to his mouth, suddenly hyper-aware of what else had been pressed against it only hours ago. And in Carrillo’s office several weeks before that. He tipped his head back and downed the lot in one.

Carrillo’s phone call was brief, and he soon returned to the kitchen. As far as Steve was concerned, he’d kept his face and body language neutral, but apparently not from the way that Carrillo was now glaring at him. A look that managed to convey My marriage is off-limits, you don’t know the first thing about our arrangement, and at least I still have a wife.

It worked for them, and that’s what mattered. Not that Carrillo had intended to become entangled with two DEA agents like this, but then he didn’t plan for lots of things around here. Given the intensity of their line of employment, he figured it was an occupational hazard. It didn’t mean he loved Juliana any less, and he didn’t have to explain that to anyone, least of all Murphy.

Whatever the look was had the desired effect as Steve immediately backed off and made to refill his glass. “So, what’s the plan, now?”

“We’ll give the place another once-over, just in case. And then we wait.”

“That’s it? We wait?”

“Yes, we wait. Unless you’ve got any better ideas?”

Of course, Steve didn’t. And he hated that he was deferring to Carrillo’s judgement so much as if he wasn’t a fucking police officer himself. “Fine. We wait.”

------------------------------------------------------

It was well past midnight by the time they came to an impasse, their second search of the apartment throwing up nothing. They admitted defeat after they resorted to checking through Javi’s wardrobe and drawers as though he or any clues were hiding in them.

“I think we’re best just staying put here, for now. See if he turns up over the next few hours. If not, it’s time to call your boss.”

Steve gave a resigned sigh and sat down on the edge of Javi’s bed, resting his head on the heel of his hand. “Makes sense.”

He bent down to untie his laces and kicked off his boots.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“You live upstairs.”

“Javi isn’t gonna turn up there though, is he? If you’re staying put here, then so am I.”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me. You have a phone, I presume?”

Steve rose from the bed with a scoff and turned to face Carrillo, who looked just as, if not more, murderous than back in Medellín.

“Nice try icing me out again.”

“If only.”

They stood dangerously close once again, Steve lowering his head just as Carrillo raised his, allowing them to square up to each other despite their significant height difference.

“Oh yeah, just try it.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Do your worst.”

Their lips were tantalisingly close, swallowing each other’s breath as their noses bumped together now that there was no knife to act as a barrier.

Neither wanted to be the one to instigate what they knew to be annoyingly inevitable by now. But somehow, they both surrendered at once, closing the gap and triggering an explosion of ferocious kisses, clashing tongues and harsh lip bites that left a metallic taste in their wake. There was nothing tender about it as they clawed at each other’s clothes, roughly shoving the other against Javi’s furniture as they undressed.

Jolts of arousal and guilt shot through each man as they ended up on Javi’s bed, distracting themselves from imagining the worst about the owner of the sheets they were now tangled up in.

They settled into a wrestling match, one pinning the other down by the wrists before overpowering him and reversing the position. Each battling to be in charge, much like their joint encounter with Javi. In the end, they compromised by lying on their sides. Large calloused palms seized around each other’s cocks, neither showing mercy as they groped, tugged and squeezed.

Carrillo laved his tongue along the expanse of Steve’s slender neck before clamping his teeth down and making Steve shiver and squirm.

For several blissful seconds, Steve couldn't react and merely leaned into it. His eyelids fluttered shut, and his head rolled back as he let the sensation consume him. Until he remembered who was the cause of it.

He came to his senses and retaliated by sinking his teeth into the thick muscle of Carrillo’s shoulder with a snarl. He sucked at the skin until it reddened beneath him, not caring that he had no doubt crossed a line by leaving a mark.

To Steve’s surprise, Carrillo groaned at the contact and twitched in his palm. So, he did it again, deepening the colour of the bruise until it was almost purple and glossy with saliva in the dim light of the bedroom. The primal noises he was drawing out of Carrillo were like nothing Steve had ever heard from him before, not even when witnessing him with Javi.

With Steve distracted by that curious thought, Carrillo took advantage and increased the speed of his strokes with one hand whilst clutching at Steve’s hair with the other.

“You’re such an arrogant pain in the ass,” he ground out through gritted teeth.

Steve gasped and shuddered at the lethal combination of Carrillo’s words and actions. “Takes one to know one.”

He tried to disguise how fucking good Carrillo’s fingers felt pulling on his scalp. But not well enough as Carrillo just did it harder, tipping Steve’s head back with force and eliciting a symphony of lascivious sounds from his throat. That was when it hit Steve why he had been so fascinated watching Carrillo work earlier that night. A fucked up thought he couldn’t analyse in the here and now, so he pushed it down and focused on the pleasure/pain of Carrillo’s ministrations instead.

“Guess I’ll have to shove my cock down your throat again to make you stop talking. Or maybe reacquaint you with my knife.”

Steve’s entire body spasmed at the mention of the knife, and there was no way Carrillo hadn’t noticed. He closed his eyes, drawing in calming breaths as he felt a familiar pressure in his balls, not wanting to give Carrillo the satisfaction. Not yet, anyway.

But Carrillo kept going. “Such a dark horse, Murphy. I always knew I could corrupt you if I had the chance. I wonder what else you’d let me do to you?”

To finally give voice to the fantasy Carrillo had harboured ever since Steve showed up in Colombia was intoxicating. Obviously, he hadn’t expected it to play out quite like this, and Javier had been the catalyst. But there was a satisfying sense of vindication about all of it.

Steve was breathless and overwhelmed by Carrillo’s sinful words, but he didn’t want this to be over. It was time to give Carrillo a taste of his own medicine.

“And what would you let me do to you, hmm? Don’t think I didn’t see the way you were lookin’ at my gun tonight.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Carrillo rasped with an uncharacteristic lack of conviction.

“Is that right?” Before he considered what he was doing, Steve moved off the bed to retrieve his jeans from the long-forgotten pile of clothes on the floor. He fished out his gun and resumed his place.

Carrillo carried an unreadable expression, but he accepted the gun Steve held out for him. Their fingers briefly connected in the process; an act that made them more nervous than the weapon in their hands. Carrillo took his time to ensure the safety was on and handed it back without saying a word.

Steve stared down at his palm, grappling with the notion of what was about to happen. What he was about to do. The incident with the knife was impromptu, in the open air, and they were both fully clothed. This was different; it was deliberate, premeditated, intimate. It was Carrillo putting his full trust in Steve. Something Steve had accepted might never happen. His ego was too fragile to admit how much it bothered him, but this blew past insecurities out of the water.

It was tempting to run away and lock himself in his apartment for the foreseeable. But he stepped outside his head for a second and paid attention to his body. To the way that his cock throbbed, and his stomach knotted with a new kind of arousal. Something undiscovered and unknown, but something that had probably laid dormant for longer than he realised. He looked up at Carrillo and saw the same hunger in his eyes.

So, Steve dived in head first, covering Carrillo’s form with his own, the gun placed on the sheets next to them for the time being. Steve kissed, licked and nipped his way up and down Carrillo’s torso. He had a newly found confidence zipping through him as he adjusted the speed, placement and pressure depending on Carrillo’s reactions. For a man that was usually stoic to the extreme, it was a power trip to loosen up the Colonel’s buttons like this.

When it was clear they both needed more, Steve gripped the gun in his right hand, checking once more that the safety was still on. He sat up so that he was straddling Carrillo’s thighs, the anticipation evident from the piercing gaze they shared, all the way to their heaving chests and flushed cheeks.

Steve used Carrillo’s forehead as a starting point. He slowly dragged the gun’s muzzle down the bridge of Carrillo’s nose, brushing over his Cupid’s bow and mouth but not lingering - not yet. He paused at his chin, where he increased the pressure and made Carrillo’s Adam’s apple bob again, much like in his office earlier that day. An event that may as well have been months ago for all that had happened since.

He continued his path down Carrillo’s chest and abdomen until he met the dark trail of hairs above his pubic bone.

Carrillo’s cock brushed against Steve’s wrist, causing him to push up against the cold metal of the gun. He let out a low grunt at the friction and badly wanted to do it again.

But Steve was too quick, and his free hand stilled Carrillo’s hips with one simple but effective motion. “Not yet.”

Carrillo’s eyes darkened at Steve’s whispered words that oozed with a quiet sense of authority, unsure whether to be impressed or threatened by the monster he had apparently helped create.

Steve so often expended unnecessary energy with the way he went about things. From what Carrillo had witnessed and what Javier had told him, he knew that Steve was handy with his fists, not afraid to throw his weight around to get what he wanted. Aggression for the sake of aggression, which wasn’t Carrillo’s style. He preferred more efficient methods. So, to see Steve exercise restraint and patience was more arousing than he cared to admit.

Steve re-tread his steps along Carrillo’s torso, branching left then right. Teasing each nipple in turn, like he was making a depraved sign of the cross on Carrillo’s body. Steve wasn’t usually a praying man, but figured there were exceptions to every rule.

In spite of his best efforts to conceal it, Carrillo trembled, every scrape of the gun raising goosebumps, his fists clenching into the sheets by the time Steve lifted it back up to his face.

He traced patterns over Carrillo’s cheeks before painting his lips with the muzzle. Top lip first, then bottom, where Steve waited for Carrillo to take the bait.

And Carrillo took it greedily, sucking it into his mouth with abandon, and this time when he bucked his hips, Steve didn’t stop him. Their grinding matched the rhythm of Carrillo’s mouth, the sweat coating their bodies adding to the slip-and-slide. The way Carrillo’s lips parted around the weapon planting ideas in both men’s minds that only spurred them on further.

Steve eventually removed the gun from Carrillo’s mouth, unable and unwilling to explain being hit by a wave of irrational jealousy over an inanimate object. Instead, he quickly replaced it with his lips, tongue, and teeth, the reticence from earlier no more. But Carrillo was as far gone as Steve and made no objection to the heated frenzy they were wrapped up in.

One of Carrillo’s hands found its way back to Steve’s hair and tugged. “I want you face down on the bed.”

The authoritative timbre of Carrillo’s instruction made it impossible for Steve to do anything but comply. Such few words were spoken, but each one was as efficient and controlled as the man behind them.

Steve lay face down on Javi’s sheets, the gun now forgotten on the nightstand. The scent of fabric softener and something undeniably Javi hit him whilst Carrillo temporarily shifted off the mattress. The rumble of a drawer was next, followed by the click of a lid opening and closing.

All Steve could hear was his pulse thudding in his ears and the heavy breaths falling from his mouth. Trepidation mounted as he contemplated Carrillo’s next move. Would he feel the warmth of skin on skin any second now or the cold barrel of a gun? And more to the point, which would he prefer? Right now, he couldn’t say. He just needed Carrillo to do something.

His questions were soon answered when his legs were swiftly parted. A thick finger coated in lube swiped between his cheeks, teasing over his entrance a few times before risking a light nudge.

Steve was almost embarrassed by his reaction to such a ghost touch, his limbs twitching as he moaned into the sheets.

“Look at you, Murphy. Like putty in my hand already. Think you can take it?” As he asked that question, his finger probed further and eased passed a slight resistance.

“You – you know I can.” Steve fought to keep his composure as the pressure increased on his cock trapped against the mattress. It would have been so easy to hump the bed, scratch an itch and move on, but he couldn’t do it. Much like when he had his back against a wall and a knife to his throat, he willed himself to keep still.

“How about another finger?” With one now buried in Steve, he teased in circles with the knuckle of another.

Steve’s fist thumped into the pillow above his head. “Fuck…yes.”

Carrillo halted his movements but didn’t withdraw. “Yes, what?”

Fucker. Absolute fucker. But Steve didn’t voice his annoyance. He let out a humiliating plea into the depths of the mattress, hoping that by burying his face into the sheets, he wouldn’t have to acknowledge what was happening to him.

No sooner had Steve given Carrillo what he wanted than Carrillo returned the favour. A second finger joined the first, stretching Steve out as he pumped back and forth in a steady rhythm. “That’s it, Murphy. Good boy. You take me so well.”

It was those two words again. Two words that forced Steve’s hand to grasp at the pillow and his ass to lift up to meet Carrillo’s fingers. Fuck. He was never going to live this down. He didn’t even know where it was coming from; or why it turned him on this much. Or why, despite his natural instincts to rebel against Carrillo, he not only craved his approval but also got off on his praise.

He couldn’t deal with examining that closer right now, so he flung his hips back harder this time, taking Carrillo by surprise. He did it again and again until he was fucking Carrillo’s fingers as much as Carrillo was fucking him.

Carrillo’s breath was coming in short, shrift bursts as he watched the spectacle below him. There was that thrill again from knowing he had this kind of effect on Murphy. Knowing that for all of his bravado, he wanted to please Carrillo. And a part of Carrillo got off on Murphy’s reaction to being praised too. It was a vicious circle he didn’t understand. So, as usual, it was far easier to compartmentalise and push it to the back of his mind.

He allowed Murphy to have his fun for a while, to give as good as he got because apparently that just seemed to be how things worked between them, no matter how much each man tried to get one over on the other.

That thought led Carrillo’s free hand to still Steve’s hips and position himself between Steve’s legs. He leaned forwards, his arms braced on either side of Steve’s ridiculously long frame, his cock teasing in the same way his fingers did.

Carrillo reached up to run his tongue along the shell of Steve’s ear, biting down on the lobe as Steve practically purred beneath him. “You still all in, Murphy?” he whispered. Another challenge, another gauntlet thrown down just begging to be picked back up again.

And it was one that Steve couldn’t resist. “If you are, I am.”

That was all the confirmation Carrillo needed to plunge forwards, a firm, deep thrust to start off with and gauge Murphy’s reaction.

Steve let out a laboured grunt as though he had just had the air knocked out of his lungs. This was new; not even Javi had done this with him. He and Connie had dabbled with fingers and toys a few times, but that hadn’t been like this. This was all muscles rippling and straining at his back, and balls slapping against his ass. It had been one thing watching Carrillo do this to Javi, but nothing could have prepared him for the force of nature currently pounding him into next week.

Encouraged by Murphy’s vocal enthusiasm, Carrillo didn’t hold back. Not like the way he restrained himself last time. He snapped his hips against Steve’s at a brutal pace, rolling them in firm circles and leaving behind a trail of bite marks.

All Steve could do was lie there and take it, too overwhelmed by new sensations he didn’t even know his body was capable of feeling. It was all so much. Too much. So, he pushed himself off the mattress, taking Carrillo with him.

They re-adjusted themselves but never pulled apart; both now sat up on their knees. It was ridiculous, but it allowed Steve to regain his height advantage. Although that was small mercy compared to the new angle Carrillo had found in this position. It caused Steve’s eyes to roll back in his head and wiped his mind of all thought.

Carrillo clasped Steve’s waist and cock simultaneously, stroking him in time with his thrusts. “Do you know what I told Javier that night once you were done with him?” He didn’t wait for a reply but held still inside of Steve. His hand kept moving, though, the frantic motions aided by streaks of precum glistening along Steve’s length. “I said next time I want to watch.”

“Fuck…” was all Steve could pant as he spasmed in Carrillo’s hold. “He - he’d love that,” he stuttered once Carrillo moved again. “I fucked him against the sink. Made him watch us through the mirror.”

The mental images running through Carrillo’s head were almost enough to make him come on the spot. He was so close now. “Glad our little show inspired you.”

“I told you, s’not my fault if you can’t keep him satisfied…oh fuck!” His little jibe earned him a sharp swat across the ass.

“And I told you, that mouth of yours was gonna get you in trouble.” Carrillo brought his hand down a second and a third time.

Steve bit his lip, swallowing the whine rumbling in his throat because he wasn’t done goading yet despite the hot sting spreading across his cheeks. “Maybe you just need to find a more effective way to shut me up.”

And with that, Carrillo gave Steve’s cock another once-over and lifted his hand to Steve’s face. He smeared his slicked fingers across Steve’s moustache and lips before shoving them into his mouth.

Steve didn’t know which memory to latch on to first; the one of him sucking Carrillo off in his office, the one of him licking Carrillo’s knife, or the one of Carrillo taking Steve’s gun into his mouth. A heady mix of all three combined with jerking himself off and Carrillo filling him up pushed him over the edge.

His free hand felt behind him and dug his nails into any part of Carrillo he could reach, scraping and scratching like a feral cat as he spilt over himself with a strangled groan.

Carrillo upped the ante as he relentlessly fucked into Steve, the grip on his waist enough to leave reminders in the morning. A hand appeared at Carrillo’s mouth, and he took the hint, sucking and licking as though he was a man starved.

It was the final straw as he let out a growl stifled by a vampiric bite into the flesh of Steve’s shoulder. Breaking barriers far beyond the surface of his skin, even if neither of them recognised it.

------------------------------------------------------

They lay spent and breathless, silent and dazed for several minutes before they cleaned up, trying to push down the growing sense of shame that they had done this in Javi’s apartment. In Javi’s bed. When Javi was…well, wherever he was. It felt like a betrayal, although not in the traditional sense. It wasn’t so much that they regretted what they had done, but that they had done it without Javi. He was once again the negative space in the room.

They took turns to shower, the question of sharing never coming up. That would have been a step too far. Although, as they towelled off and put their underwear back on, they both caught the other in the act of staring. But they cleared their throats and continued as though nothing had happened.

Neither of them said anything when they got back into bed, ignoring that Steve had a perfectly decent double bed of his own upstairs. And Steve was also ignoring the fact that his own apartment and double bed hadn’t been the same since Connie left, and he dreaded most nights alone now. The two men still left a respectable distance between themselves, though, to the point where they were practically falling off opposite edges of the mattress.

Steve reached for his jeans on the floor once again. He shuffled around in the pockets until he found what he was looking for, trying to blink away the flashback he was already having of retrieving his gun just like this. The gun that now had traces of Carrillo’s saliva all over it.

He sat back up and pulled a cigarette out of the packet, offering the same to Carrillo.

Carrillo wordlessly took one, prompting Steve to lean over with his lighter. Their eyes briefly met over the flame, Carrillo mumbling his thanks before taking a long drag. The exhale he let out was more a sigh of relief than anything as the much-needed nicotine began to flow into his bloodstream.

Steve retreated to the safety of the other side of the bed to light up. They didn’t talk for several minutes, both lost in their own heads and ensuring to look anywhere but at each other.

“D’you think he’s alive?” Steve didn’t know what possessed him to ask that of all questions, but it slipped out before he could stop himself.

Apparently, Carrillo didn’t know what possessed Steve to ask that, either, and he gave him a withering look that said as much.

“Someone would have found him by now if he wasn’t. They’d have wanted us to know what they did,” he replied in the end.

Not many people knew the mind of a narco quite like Carrillo, and Steve had good reason to trust his judgement beyond his desperate need to cling to hope.

“What we gonna do if he doesn’t show up?”

Carrillo was more intent on savouring his cigarette than answering another of Murphy’s questions, and left him hanging for a moment. “Get some sleep. We’ll figure it out in the morning if we have to.”

To the casual observer, Carrillo’s words might have sounded cold. But even Steve could see the benefit of his pragmatism at a time like this. He could only imagine how much his mind would have spiralled if he had dealt with this alone. It was oddly comforting for Carrillo to refuse to indulge Steve in his anxieties because that wouldn’t help either man. The words Carrillo and comfort in the same sentence were not something Steve ever expected his brain to conjure up, and he wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Right, yeah, of course,” was all Steve could manage in reply. He flipped the bedside lamp off, plunging the room into darkness, the only light now stemming from the digital clock on the nightstand and the dying embers of Carrillo’s cigarette.

Steve shuffled down beneath the sheets that still smelt strongly of sweat, sex and Javi but stuck rigidly to his small strip of mattress. He didn’t even dare lie on his back, stretch his long legs out, or fidget like he had the tendency to do when he couldn’t sleep, in case he strayed into foreign territory.

He knew Carrillo was still awake as he heard him stubbing out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray. It was followed by the mattress shifting and another deep sigh that had too many possible interpretations for Steve to guess which one was correct. Eventually, all fell still, and Steve couldn’t decide whether he was relieved or disappointed that Carrillo was apparently now asleep.

But that was the thing about stillness; it only took into account what was perceptible on the surface. It didn’t factor in hidden currents that were just as turbulent, if not more so than the visible ones. And what Steve didn’t know was that Carrillo was as wide awake as he was.

Carrillo was used to keeping a level head in a crisis, but even he had to admit he was struggling this time. Not that he could burden Murphy with his concerns. For some reason, he could see why Javier always felt the need to protect his partner. Even now, after Murphy had well and truly rolled around in the dirt with him, Carrillo felt a certain level of responsibility. A responsibility to find Javier but also to protect Murphy in Javier’s absence.

He clung to that reasoning when trying to justify why he had let himself be put in such a vulnerable position tonight. With someone he had always kept at arm’s length. Of course, he only did it to satisfy Murphy’s need for acceptance. Something Javier had been badgering him about for a long time. There couldn’t possibly be more to it than that.

Or at least that’s what he told himself when he slid his leg back into the negative space of the middle of the bed. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to find, if anything. And for an agonising few seconds, his foot lay stranded in the void.

But just as he was about to withdraw and pretend it was an involuntary action whilst asleep, clammy skin found clammy skin. It was a tentative token of solidarity, and both men would deny it if they acknowledged it. But it was there, and it happened nonetheless.

#Narcos fic #Narcos #Javier Peña #Steve Murphy #Horacio Carrillo #Carrillo #Steve Murphy x Horacio Carrillo #Javier Peña x Steve Murphy #Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo #Horacio Carrillo x Steve Murphy x Javier Peña #Pedro Pascal #Boyd Holbrook #Maurice Compte #Narcos fanfic #Narcos fan fic #Narcos fanfiction #Narcos fan fiction #My Narcos fic

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annie-sae · 3 years

Text

Wouldn’t mind

Pairing: Kazutora x fem!reader, past Baji x fem!reader

Hurt/comfort

Author note: This is my way of dealing with Baji’s death finally being animated, this is me comforting myself so I don’t keep crying.

Also, I posted this on AO3 as well:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33561445

Part of the reason you decided to get close to him was kind of the same reason why you decided to help out Chifuyu and the remaining founding Toman members in any way you could; even if that meant putting yourself in various fights. It was a way to honor his memory.

You met Baji Keisuke; your Kei; as nothing more than a child because you were neighbors and your mom happened to be friends with his mother which ended in them arranging lots of playdates for you both ever since you could remember.

Your mothers always said you were meant to be and they were right, so yeah, they were delighted once you two finally stopped denying yourselves and started to date.

You two got together after one time in which Baji got into a particularly bad fight and you found him on your way home; his hands all bruised but despite how much they must have been hurting he was smiling in that unique way of his that always told you that no matter the pain he won and enjoyed himself.

To be honest you didn’t like that he always got into fights nor how reckless he could be but you had to admit that there was always something about the way his eyes glinted that drew you in.

You dragged him inside your home, knowing that his mother would flip out if she saw him and taking advantage of the fact that your mother was to get home late, you pushed him to the couch, went to the kitchen for a bag of frozen vegetables, grabbed his hand after cleaning the blood off and held the bag to his knuckles hoping that it would bring down the swelling.

There was no way of knowing who made the first move but next thing you knew after that was that you two were kissing; the frozen bag laying on the floor long forgotten. After that you finally acknowledged your feelings and started dating. There was no grand gesture, it was just one of many moments that you shared daily yet it was perfect.

Baji liked to keep you away from Toman businesses so for the most part you didn’t actually know the rest of the members except for Chifuyu; whom you met on various occasions while going to visit your boyfriend; and Mikey that you met as a child since you were always following around Baji and in a way became your friend too; but that was it. He kept that apart from the side of his life that involved you because he was well aware of how messy it could get and he didn’t want to drag you into any trouble.

Yet his gang life caught up to him, crashing into your world and pushing you into a lonely abyss that still to this day left a hole in your chest.

You’d always remember that dreaded day when your mother came home later than usual without letting you know anything, eyes teary and red rimmed. The moment she looked at you, she pulled you into a strong hug and sobbed as she caressed your hair murmuring a string of words you couldn’t really make out.

She was the one to deliver the news of his passing, how she was late because she was at the Baji household and had to accompany his mother to claim her son’s body after the woman received a call from the police station telling her that the boy had been stabbed and bled to death.

The day would never come when you’d forget the pain that shot through your body as you learned that he was gone. It hurt unlike anything else you have ever experienced, as if someone was crushing your chest like it was made out of paper, air knocked out of your lungs and the only thing you could do was scream helplessly his name as you held for dear life onto your mother’s frame. You felt bile rise up your throat so fast that it was a miracle that you didn’t throw up.

His funeral wasn’t any easier. Not when you arrived and his mom pulled you to his casket saying just how handsome he looked, inviting you to see him in a way that you couldn’t refuse.

Around an hour after yourself, arrived Chifuyu who went to you after giving his condolences to his best friend’s mother that held him the way she used to hold her boy but now she’d never get the chance to do anymore.

If you were being completely honest, you couldn’t remember much more of that day, your mind was hazy, too many gaps in the memory of all that transpired.

Only two things were clear as day in your mind. First was the way that Kei had looked inside that coffin smiling peacefully and for a moment you almost fooled yourself into thinking that he was just sleeping, but he was pale, his canines weren’t showing and his eyes were slightly sunken but you had to agree with his mom because he looked handsome indeed. The second was that Chifuyu stayed by your side throughout the whole thing, in fact he was the one who told you what actually happened and you were thankful for it all.

He told you what Baji did and why he did it and you believed it the second the words left his mouth because you knew him well and if there was anything that defined your beloved boyfriend was his heart, how willing he was to give anything for those that he cared about; his unwavering loyalty; you just wished he hadn’t put himself on the line for that.

Twelve years have passed and a lot of things changed since his parting, for starters you became a member of Toman.

One night; around a month after everything happened; you went to the Musashi temple fully aware that it was the place that the boys used as their base and in front of everyone gathered there; bracing yourself; you walked towards Mikey, bowed deeply and begged for him to accept you as a member.

At first most of the guys there laughed at you while others frowned and called you names shooing you away but you stayed still, that was until a big hand grabbed you by the arm and that was when you pulled away from it and punched the guy square in the nose remembering the time Baji taught you how to pack a punch. The guy tried to send a blow towards you but was stopped by Chifuyu yet the whole commotion came to a halt with Mikey’s commanding voice.

“Y/N, you know this is a guys-only gang”

“I’m aware, Mikey, but” you clenched your fists “but Keisuke cared about this gang so I feel like I must join, to protect everything he fought for” you raised your head “he also taught me how to fight so you don’t have to worry about me being a burden on you and I know a few things about first aid, I can carry my own weight” you were thankful for your mother being a nurse and having taught you a bit.

He stared at you, his eyes giving away nothing.

“The first division can take her in” Chifuyu supplied.

Mikey raised a brow and looked at another blonde guy.

“Takemitchy, you are the first division’s captain, do you agree to take her?” the guy straightened up and after sharing one look with Chifuyu he nodded.

An uproar started as a lot of guys started to complain about how bad of an idea it was to admit a girl in the gang but Draken stopped them with one word.

Mikey looked at you once more, then he sighed and nodded.

“Then welcome, Y/N L/N, from now on you are a member of the Tokyo Manji Gang under the first division”.

Later that day you gave your thanks to Chifuyu and Takemichi, for getting behind you and promised to help them in any way possible but Chifuyu made you promise to be safe and only join them as a last resource because he couldn’t allow Baji’s girlfriend to get hurt since he promised him he’d take care of you.

You knew that your parents wouldn’t be happy with you being a part of a gang but you had to do it, it was a way to stay close to Kei and you needed that or else you would have gone crazy, you were also thankful because life had it that you were assigned to the division that used to be his.

Shit happened but you always took things head on and you had to admit that Chifuyu and Takemichi played a crucial part in you surviving all the crappy things that happened until the gang disbanded. While still a member you were extremely grateful for makeup since it helped you hide from your parents a good amount of nasty bruises that came from the fights.

The second thing that changed was that you moved out of your parents’ house from the moment you started college and although at first it was hard and you were living in a tiny apartment that resembled more to a matchbox yet it was the only thing you could afford at the moment with the part time job you had but you were decided to not return home, not because you weren’t comfortable with them but because they were already doing too much for you by paying for your studies so you didn’t want them to be spending any more money on you.

You managed and after a while you got a better job that meant a higher pay grade and you moved out of your tiny place to your current one that was bigger and just a couple of minutes away from the cemetery where the Baji family grave was.

Even when you had exams due the next day, even when you were way too busy, you still made it a habit to go visit him daily, it didn’t matter if you had to walk for long or that you were so tired you could have fallen asleep while standing, you still went to see him.

Your mother told you once that maybe you should let go, that he wouldn’t like to have you clinging to him this much and to appease her you went to a couple of dates once every three months but you never made it past the first date but funnily enough that landed you a few long lasting friendships with some of the guys you tried to date.

One time his mom talked to you and told you just how grateful she was with you for loving her son the way you did but that you didn’t owe him anything, that you could move on because she was sure that was what he would have wanted and maybe she was right; to hell you knew that she was; but it wasn’t a matter of you feeling like you owed devotion to him but more like no one ever compared to him, not a single person awoke in you the same feelings he did, not with the same intensity it was kind of like a beautiful curse because you grieved daily his absence but you wouldn’t want it other way, even if you went back and told yourself that by loving him you’d end up in pain, you’d still go through it all because the time spent with him was worth it and you told her that so she smiled and even talked with your mother making her stop begging you to date and leave you to your own devices.

Another thing that changed was you because you cut your hair really short; yet without needing it you still wore a hair tie on your wrist daily as if it was some sort of amulet because it reminded you of him.

Also, with the bigger place you adopted three beautiful cats that you loved dearly, first there was Blue; whose black hair shone blue under certain light hence his name; then there was Leo; an orange tabby cat you found one day and adopted instantly; and Jin; a maine coon that was your appointed guardian and didn’t like anyone around you nor him.

The three always slept with you; which made you thankful for getting a big bed when you first moved; and in a way they made your life less lonely because in their presence you felt as if Keisuke was right there with you which made sense because you two had made plans about living together once highschool was over and then adopt a ton of cats, all the cats your parents never allowed in the house when you were younger.

Of course things don’t always end up the way we plan them, you knew that better than most although to be completely honest you never expected Kazutora to come into the picture.

You new who he was, on one occasion Kei told you that him speaking on his behalf and taking the full blame for what happened with Mikey’s older brother was a big factor on him staying out of juvie so in a way you were thankful to him but you also knew; through Chifuyu’s retelling; what happened on that horrible halloween when you lost your whole world.

Even when you knew that everything had been planned out by Kisaki, for the longest time you were resentful towards Kazutora, even going as far as to curse his sole existence because hadn’t it been for him then your Keisuke would surely still be with you. It took you years for you to come to terms with everything and accept that Baji chose to leave all because he cared about that boy way too much.

You came to realize that by hating Kazutora, by wishing him the worst and spending so much energy in resenting him you were betraying Kei’s wishes.

His final will was to keep Toman’s funding members; Kazutora included; safe, he chose death, going down as a villain to his friends, all just to protect them, to save him so the least you could do was carry on his wishes and look after them, not only after Chifuyu and the others but you also felt the moral obligation towards Keisuke, to welcome Kazutora and help him back into his life.

Now, you went to help around Chifuyu and Kazutora’s shop, fully aware that it was their way of honoring his memory, by living out the dream he never had the chance for.

You could understand them because everyday you did the same, hell, you even went to study veterinary because that had been the plan all those years back; he was supposed to open his pet shop and you were supposed to be the one to tend to the animals, he always said that you had the best shot because you usually did rather good at school.

You met Kazutora the day after Chifuyu picked him up from prison. You already knew that he would be joining you two for lunch the following day because he told you in advance in case you weren’t ready to meet the man that had played a big part in your old boyfriend’s death.

Chifuyu by that point had become your best friend in the world, your constant support. What started as a way to cope with Baji’s loss, as both of you searching in the other for any vestiges of his existence with the passing of the years turned into something more, a fraternal bond forged through shared grief.

Chifuyu was like a brother to you and you knew that he saw you as a sister, you cared about him deeply.

If you were being completely honest, you were a bit torn when a month prior to the release, he announced to you that he’d be picking up the guy and was planning on welcoming him as a roommate and as an extra hand at the shop; that is if the other accepted. I mean, you’d have to be crazy to just accept it as it was, no questions asked because whether manipulated and messed up in the head, it didn’t change the fact that he was the one to stab him.

Of course you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to reach that, it was obvious that he had thought it through, you could see in his eyes just how much went into making that decision but that he was sure that that was Baji would have liked and you knew that as well because that was the type of person Keisuke used to be, a bit rough on the edges but so caring and willing to give for those he loved, and he sure as hell had proven how much he cared about the guy.

You had never talked to him, what little you knew about him was what Baji had mentioned all those years back when he almost went to prison and what Chifuyu told you, how he was getting the help he needed and seemed to be making progress but that was it.

To say it was awkward at first was a big understatement. He was extremely quiet and even after you greeted him he refused to make eye contact while you kept fidgeting in place trying to come up with something to say. Thank god for Chifuyu since he was the one to introduce you although he could have been a bit more careful when he introduced you as Baji’s old girlfriend, although you couldn’t blame him because there was no way around it, that was what you were.

The moment he understood who you were he froze, eyes focusing on his hands under the table. You noticed how uneasy he became and with a look you asked Chifuyu to give you a minute, thankfully he understood and trusting you excused himself from the table.

You reached out, stilling your hand in the middle of the space between you when you saw him flinch, something that reminded you of the time when you encountered Leo for the first time; hurt and scared. Kazutora in a way resembled him, something lonely and broken about him that gave you the final push to get close.

Just like you did way back for Leo you extended your open hand towards him, facing upwards to show him that you had no ill intentions and you rested your hand on the table just a few centimeters away from his arm, not wanting to startle him but wanting to show him that you were trying to get close.

“I don’t hate you, Hanemiya-kun”

His gaze zeroed on your hand and then eyes of the color of the lightest brown you’ve ever seen; almost the same shade as amber; met yours wary and trembling but you simply nodded confirming that you were being completely honest.

“Why?” his voice came out broken.

“Because Keisuke cared about you” you smiled, feeling your eyes get watery and Kazutora’s face became blurry due to the tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I wish I could take it all back, I really do, I...” you heard the words come out cracked and you shook your head and reached for his arm.

“I know...it’s fine. Like I said, I don’t hate you, it’s been a while since that happened and I’ve made up my mind, I’ve already accepted it as part of life” that’s a lie and you know, you miss him every day so much that you still cling to the little things he left behind, that’s the reason why you haven’t been in a relationship after him.

You quickly wiped the tears out of your eyes and looked at him once more. “I’d like to be there for you, maybe be friends even, that is if you’d like that”

Kazutora’s mind was running laps. Was he hearing you correctly? Did you actually say that you wanted to be friends with him? Be friends with the guy that killed your boyfriend nonetheless. He couldn’t wrap his head around that thought, it was simply impossible, he was a villain, a rotten fruit that nobody had ever liked and that poisoned the only good things he had in his life, why would anyone want to be near him?

First there was Chifuyu; who for all he could gather used to consider Baji as his best friend; welcoming him into his apartment, offering him a place to stay and even a job no questions asked, that was already hard to understand, but now having you willing to welcome him? That was almost ridiculous because you surely knew, he saw the way you interacted with Chifuyu, there was no way in hell he didn’t tell you, so why?

Why were you being kind to him? So gentle? Why couldn’t you just scream and curse him? Heaven knows for how long he has been cursing himself, regretting everything he did, from Shinichiro to Baji. He deserved to be yelled at, to be shunned away from society, he was deserving of pain and should be tossed to the abyss of loneliness, forever in the dark, far away from the sun.

He couldn’t fathom why on God's name was Baji’s girlfriend in front of him extending her delicate hand towards him. But even when he couldn’t understand he wanted to accept it. He knew he deserved nothing given how he had taken two lives but he wanted the embrace so badly.

He wanted company, friends, he didn’t want to be forever an outcast due to his bad decisions but instead he wanted to belong, to feel some sort of comfort, he wanted to bask in the sun’s warmth and for once in a very long time feel a bit of peace, he wanted saving, someone to tell him he was worthy even when he knew he wasn’t.

He looked at you once more, and something felt warm inside his chest; even his throat tightening; when he saw that you were still smiling gently at him despite the rebel tears that had escaped from your eyes.

“I’d like that” he smiled wobbly. “Also, Kazutora is fine”

“Then let’s be friends, Kazutora-kun” your smile grew broader and that was the start.

Surprisingly after that, it didn’t take long for you to grow comfortable with each other. He was quiet and would often be found spacing off but he was considerate towards you, actually he returned the same kindness you gave him, although it was evident that he was still wary and a bit rough on the edges he tried hard and you could see, so whenever he was having a bad mood you tried not to take it personally.

Through gentle words and patience, you won him over, even those around you were surprised at how quickly he warmed up to you but there was just something in him that pulled you, maybe that same thing that pushed you to adopt Leo when you found him malnourished and hurt on your way home from the cemetery or maybe it was something else.

Just as he warmed up to you, you warmed up to him. It was easy to talk to him, he was always willing to lend you an attentive ear, listening to your ramblings about the monotonous things that happened at the clinic, it didn’t matter that he knew nothing about the people you mentioned, he always listened like it was the most important thing in the world.

At first your interactions were always in company of Chifuyu, mostly at the shop while you went to visit which actually ended in you helping around to organize the merchandise or on the usual checkups on the animals to ensure that they were in the utmost condition for the moment someone decided to welcome them into their home.

Then, Kazutora started to walk you to the station but slowly that turned into him accompanying you all the way home and since he was taking the time to go with you you started offering him a cup of tea at your house before he’d leave again to get back to his and Chifuyu’s place.

That wasn’t the end of it because one cup of tea turned into two, then three and finally what started as a thanks for the inconvenience turned into hours-long talks about the most menial things just because.

Your cats loved him; Blue was always rubbing himself against his legs while Leo wasted no time to go lay on his legs and with a meow demand to be petted at the moment; but the most amazing thing of all was that Jin didn’t hate him, in fact he got way too comfortable with him which was a thing that you’d never seen, the only other person besides yourself that he liked was Hina, hell, not even Chifuyu had been able to charm the bigger cat and now apparently he didn’t mind Kazutora trailing behind you when even up to that day whenever he was visiting Chifuyu would get a growl from Jin but not Kazutora.

He was nice to your babies, he liked them and you could see that he didn’t change his demeanour towards them even when he thought you weren’t looking, in fact his voice got softer when directed at them and you were also the kind of person that trusted animal’s perception so the fact that your beloved cats liked him really told you that he had changed from what little you knew about his ways before being sent to prison after Baji’s death.

Kazutora started noticing the little things about you, for starters the way you’d always be singing a random thing off tune but with such energy that it was amusing but when asked he’d swear on his life that he wasn’t bothered that he actually liked it even though you knew very well that you weren’t a good singer but the opposite yet there was something powerful about having him joining in the middle of your singing, even when he didn’t know the lyrics he’d be humming along.

You were a sight to behold for him because in all the mess of his life he had never encountered someone as lively as yourself. Even after losing Baji you tried your best, you were determined and hardworking and so kind, not only to him but to every living thing no matter if they were animals, people or even plants, you amazed him because you were always so willing to be gentle to anyone.

You were a soothing presence.

That was not to say you didn’t have your bad days, after all you were only human and it was simply impossible to be at one hundred percent everyday the whole day, but you pushed through and you were always quick to ask for forgiveness if you had an outburst towards someone, you were the kind to not withhold apologies even when you weren’t at fault. He could remember a handful of times in which you apologized when he was the one to step on your toes.

You, of all people apologized to him, a social reject, a vermin, you apologized to him as if he was worthy, as if that was the logical thing to do but he knew that no matter what you did he knew that he was the one that still owed you a lifetime of apologies.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew how much Baji meant to you even to that day, he noticed the little pieces of him lingering in your everyday, like how you always wore a hair tie around your wrist even when your hair was way too short for you to ever need it and whenever you had to get your bangs out of your face you used hair clips, never the tie on your wrist, the way you always cracked your knuckles as if getting ready for a fight even if you were only checking the animals and the way you carried yourself in a way resembled the way Baji used to.

He never told you but a few times he found you at the cemetery by coincidence while visiting Baji and there was something heartbreaking about seeing you kneeling on the ground with trembling shoulders despite it being a hot day. He regretted what he did, not only because he felt guilty or ‘cause he missed his friend but also for your sake because he wanted to see your happy smile, he never wanted to hear your cries ever again.

Just like him, you started seeking his company more and more, not only were you inviting him to stay and talk after walking you home but you made plans with him and just him, to go window shopping, for a cup of coffee, lunch dates, movie premieres; because you liked going to the movies so much and discovered that he was an enthusiast as much as you; movies on the couch, even just lazy sundays at your house playing the entire day with your cats.

Of course reaching this state was quick yet slow, it was hard to explain, like you were close to him and enjoyed his company, but it was different than it was with Hina or even Chifuyu yet you wouldn’t call it romantic, not at first.

Sure, there was something to Kazutora, you weren’t blind so you could see clear as day that he was rather handsome, probably one of the prettiest guys you’d ever met but there was something more, something that pulled you, something broken and lonely that tugged at your heart and told you to care for him.

At such a young age he had been to prison on two occasions and you could actually see that that was simply the tip of the iceberg. He had to mature too soon, he mentioned vaguely that his relation with his parents wasn’t the best and his eyes at times looked older than he actually was, plus it took a long time for him to get used to your affectionate ways because your love-language was physical touch. You had a special fascination with hair and all of your friends were used to that but Kazutora was like a kicked puppy that was only learning to trust in people once more.

You were a new breeze of air into his life, with your caring ways and funny nature he fell. For the first time in his life he had someone like you, at first it was difficult for him to realize that the fuzzy feeling inside his gut whenever he looked at you or even heard your voice meant what people called love but it was a given because he had never felt that way before.

For the longest time he felt like love was a lie, he remembered how bad his home life was, how strained and full of pain the things between his parents were, even now from time to time he had nightmares of his mother crying as his father hit her and then her begging him; only a child; to pick sides.

He wanted to hold you close, to keep you away from harm and to listen to your laugh for days on end, for once his heartbeat quickened for someone, he found a safe place in your presence, you were an oasis after years roaming the desert. You were such an unusual kind of certainty in his life that he never had but that he had searched for so long.

While Kazutora realized rather quickly; in comparison to you; that you had wormed your way into his heart making a home for you it took you around three years and others pointing it out for you to actually realize that he meant to you more than a friend.

The first one was your mother although not as subtly but rather by saying that she was happy that you were now with Kazutora which took you by surprise because you weren’t.

That wasn’t the end of it, but only the beginning.

The next one was Hina one day you were sleeping over at her house, but the cherry on top was Chifuyu.

“Hey, I know it’s not really my business, but when are you going to get together?” he asked one time when you went out for coffee.

“What?” you asked mindlessly, stirring some sugar into your beverage.

“Yeah, you’re kind of driving me crazy, it’s kind of annoying feeling like a third-wheel without actually being one, just get it over with” he spoke before taking a sip from his own cup.

“What?” you snapped your head back to him.

“Is that the only thing you’re gonna say?” he looked at you through half-lidded eyes.

“Yes, because I honestly don’t understand a single thing of what you’re saying” you shook your head and took a sip from your coffee.

“What I’m saying is that it’s obvious that you like Kazutora” he said matter-of-factly.

“Of course I like him, he’s my friend, I like you too”.

“No, you don’t, you like me as your friend but you like Kazutora in a different way, a lovey-dovey way” he deadpanned.

“No, Kei-” you began just like you did whenever your mother used to bring up your love life or thereof lack of it.

“Baji-san has been gone for years already” he cut you, wincing as he said that and to you his words felt like a slap across your face.

“Look, I know, trust me, I do, but it’s been long enough and if there is someone that makes you feel good you should go for it, he wouldn’t want you being unhappy for him” he sighed and with a hand pushed his hair back.

“He asked me to take care of you because he wanted you to be alright, he wanted you to be happy and he’d probably punch me if I simply stood by and watched you being miserable” he pushed his cup to the side, leaned over the table to grab you by the shoulders and looked into your eyes seriously.

“I know you like him, don’t be an idiot, it’s painfully obvious with how you look at him and spend almost all of your free time with him, Baji-san won’t be mad at you for finding someone new and I believe that he’d be happy that it is Kazutora of all people”.

Before you could respond to that, the sound of a new message cut you off and when you looked sideways to your phone on the table, a soft smile graced your lips when Kazutora’s name appeared on the screen. Without thinking you opened it and it was some random video of a kitten; somewhere along the way it became a thing between you and it reminded you of how Keisuke used to send you daily pictures of the cats that went to his house.

“It’s Kazutora, right?” Your face grew hot once you came back to reality, remembering suddenly with whom you were and what you were talking about.

“I’ll let you be, but don’t be an idiot and let yourself be happy” and just like that Chifuyu ended that conversation and quickly changed topics.

You knew you liked him, you felt warm whenever he was around you, his voice soothed you even on the worst of days and you looked forward to his messages. You had learned to find comfort in his eyes but they were a wrong shade; not brown enough.

He wasn’t Keisuke. He’d never be.

A few days later you found yourself in the shop, helping around but constantly sending glances in his direction, his back facing towards you, looking painfully similar to Kei’s even down to the hair length, although the color wasn’t the right match with it’s blonde streaks you could still fool yourself into thinking it was him.

But then he’d turn to look at you and send a smile your way and there would be a beauty mark under golden eyes and a tiger tattoo where it shouldn’t have been and that smile was lacking a pair of prominent incisives peeking through.

You knew it was wrong to look at him searching for Keisuke, searching for your lost love in another, clinging to the remnants of his passing through the world but you missed him so much.

At times you felt like you couldn’t even breathe, you had even fallen asleep in front of his family grave after a long day if you went to visit at dawn after not being able to make it at morning but you had to visit him daily in order to feel in his company because if you ever thought of skipping a lump appeared in your chest crushing your heart.

Yet, even then, even when you realized it wasn’t Baji your heart would skip a bit and your stomach would twist.

Later that night you found yourself walking home with Kazutora by your side in complete but comfortable silence, feeling the warmth oozing from his arm that was left hanging at his side lightly brushing against yours, rising even the tiniest hair of your arm.

Kazutora had been going at it over and over for months. At first, when he realized what he felt for you he decided to bury it deep and forever carry it in silence but as time went on he craved your presence.

He started wishing for more, more smiles, those smiles to be only for him, he even found himself looking forward to getting hurt while playing with your cats because it meant that you would be cleaning up his hands and putting on a band-aid with the utmost care and attention even if they were the most insignificant scratches ever.

He liked having your attention, he liked that you replied to any message from him almost immediately; unless you were attending to a patient then you’d reply as soon as possible; he also liked how your eyes would get bigger whenever something amazed you or if you found something even remotely cute.

Your constant ramblings plagued his mind at every hour no matter if he was asleep. Hell, he even went to Baji’s grave to ask for permission to love you, even if he did so in silence he felt like he owed that much to his old friend because you were his girl after all.

Why did it have to be you? Why Baji’s? Why did you have to come into his life and be like the sun? You were too much for him, too perfect, too good while he was nothing but a mess, too fucked up, too far away from repair. For fuck’s sake, he was the one that took your boyfriend away, he would have been better off handling your hate but instead you were there giving him so much it almost pained him, only adding up to his guilt.

This had to be some sick game of the universe. God must have been having the time of his life laughing at how the killer fell in love with the victim’s old love.

Before any of you knew, you had already gotten home and like it became custom you invited him inside for a cup of tea.

As soon as you opened the door, your three babies rushed to the entryway to greet you, Jin being the very first, you hadn’t taken two steps inside when he was already brushing himself against your legs. The other two weren’t too far but to your disappointment Leo approached Kazutora before even looking at you.

“I’ll stop bringing you here, you’re stealing them away from me” you pouted while kneeling down to hug Jin who looked at Kazutora with no distaste, then you picked up Blue and let him nuzzle your neck, after that still holding him you went to rub Leo with your free hand once he finally took notice of you and remembered who bought him food and toys.

Kazutora’s hearty laugh filled your ears pulling your mouth from the pout into a smile.

“Leo knows who’s the cool one” he winked your way. “I’m kidding, he likes you more” he looked down at said cat “right pal? Isn’t your mom the absolute best?”

“Oh, shut up, flattery won’t take you anywhere” You felt blood rushing to your face so you stood up hiding your reddening face into Blue’s fur.

You hurried to the kitchen and then, out of his sight was when you put Blue down and started to boil some water, hearing over it as the door closed and seconds later Kazutora appeared with the other two trailing behind.

You ended up splayed on the bigger couch in your living room, your back leaning against his side while Jin laid on top of your legs while in Kazutora’s rested the other two cats. At that moment you were with your eyes closed, mindlessly caressing Jin while you listened to Kazutora talk to your cats in a baby voice that you wouldn’t have expected from him the first time you met.

For him it wasn’t easy to keep his cool, he had to school his face even if you weren’t looking at him and oh, his heart was so loud it was about to jump out of his chest and he wouldn’t mind but he didn’t want you to listen.

I’m sorry Baji.

A meow of protest fell on deaf ears since he had stopped caressing Leo and Blue, instead turning his full attention towards you.

You turned your head and suddenly you found yourself way too close to his face; so much you could’ve counted every single of his lashes; staring up at a pair of golden eyes that were looking at you and only you as if you had been the one to hang up the stars in the sky.

His features were delicate, so beautiful it was heartstopping, he looked almost otherworldly; and not only because the ghost of Baji’s face lingered in his in a particular way; but there was a certain glimmer in his eyes that you had been noticing from a few days leading to that one, only that then it shined brighter than ever.

Unbeknownst to you, your eyes were reflecting Kazutora’s shine and your heart was beating to the same tempo as his starting up a melody of their own with your breathing getting caught up in your lungs making up the rhythm accompanying your song.

You were being drawn into each other like opposite poles of a magnet, barely any resistance was there and soon enough you met in the middle. At first it was the softest brush; like when you first dip your toe before jumping into the water; but it started a whole revolution inside both.

The brush became a second and then your lips were pressing against each other, basking in the warmth that radiated off that single contact that sparked a bunch of reactions at the same time. Your heart went off, your lungs closed; forgetting for that moment that they needed air and not that man to keep kissing you; and for the briefest moment your mind stopped thinking about Baji.

Kazutora was ready to die, if he was sent to hell at that very moment he’d be glad because at least he got a taste of heaven and it was more than enough. He decided then and there that he was bound to be cursed because how did a monster like him manage to get a kiss from an angel such as yourself? It must have been a sin for something so tainted to even look your way.

He didn’t know when your hand placed itself on the side of his neck but he knew that he was yours, if there was any doubt of that up until that point, it vanished with the way you were gently caressing his tattoo as if you were tracing it by memory, as if you had paid close attention to him, as if he mattered, as if he was something more than a broken thing.

Something inside you moved when a whimper escaped his lips the first time you pulled away for a mere second in order to get air before going in once more, this time ready to open your mouth and let him take while you explored. It felt nice, new; which was to be expected since the last time you had kissed someone this way had been with Baji.

Keisuke.

You opened your eyes and suddenly pulled away, almost as if his touch burned you; and in a way it could be said to be true; and your violent movement startled the three cats that you had ignored moments before, making them leave for your room.

The image of your beloved; death; boyfriend took Kazutora’s place, brown replaced gold and the beauty mark vanished, the yellow strands that framed his face turned jet black and the smile you’d been missing like crazy; that particularly his that showed his teeth was there.

You blinked a few times and his image left, allowing you to see Kazutora for who he was and not the ghost of him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came to me” he looked at you with tears gathering in his eyes almost pleading and you realized how it must have looked to him.

“No, Tora, I-”

I’m an idiot, I blew this up. Again I’ve just gone and ruined what good I had.

“I’m going now” he stood up and left for the door, leaving you alone and cold on the couch.

I’m sorry Keisuke.

You stood up and went after, finding him in the doorway hastily putting on his shoes but you grasped his arm to stop him.

“I will leave right now, it’ll be like nothing happened” you caught a glimpse of a tear trailing down his cheek and that sight prompted you to speak.

“No” your other hand reached for the fabric of his shirt, securing him.

“Y/N”

“I don’t want you to leave, I-” the words choked you, there was too much you had to say and your mouth wasn’t responding as fast as you would’ve liked.

“Don’t ask me to stay because if you do it’ll only hurt more when you tell me it was a mistake”

“But it wasn’t a mistake, I want you, okay? Kazutora, I like you” you at least managed to say the one thing that was clear in your mind, that had been clear for a long time but only got accepted after that one conversation with Chifuyu.

That certainly stopped him, for he turned around to fully face you and you saw his eyes filled to the brim in tears that he refused to let run freely.

You reached for his face as slowly as the first time you two met, giving him enough space to retreat, but how could he when the thing he wanted most was to be with you and bask in the calm that your presence brought into his messy life? When he didn’t give any signs of pulling away you smiled and cupped his cheeks as if you were holding a piece of glass; and in a way Kazutora was just as fragile as that material when it came to you.

He leaned into your touch, and you were bold enough to pull him in and rest your foreheads together, looking with all seriousness into his eyes, having deja vu of the first day.

“Why? Why? I- what I did to Baji, you know what I’ve done, I don’t”

“I really can’t say, I just do, it’s, it’s hard, okay?” you closed your eyes for a brief second before continuing.

“I swore that there wouldn’t be anyone else and now, now you are here and I like being with you but I know that is way different from how it is with anyone else, it’s something more, something I never thought I’d be able to feel again”

He smiled through his tears because after all he’s done, every mistake in his life said that he didn’t deserve you and yet there you were.

“But I also have to be honest with you” he braced himself for what would be your next words.

“I still love Keisuke, I will probably still be loving him even fifty years from now and that is something that will never change, he was my first friend, first time holding hands, my first love, first kiss, many firsts, he took most of them” you gave out a wobbly smile.

“He’s forever imprinted in my skin and I’ll always be his” he lowered his gaze at that. “But if you can accept that I’m willing to try this, I never dated; not really, not an actual relationship; after him but I wouldn’t mind it being you, I think we deserve a chance”.

His heart was thumping inside his chest making it harder to process everything so you waited while his mind raced. Kazutora looked into your eyes and knew he had to take the chance because you were what he needed and even if he was undeserving you thought him worthy.

A selfish part of him, the bad side said that he should be glad because if Baji was there he knew you would have chosen him, a thousand times you’d have chosen Baji over Kazutora and that pained him but what pained him the most was the fact that a tiny part of him was happy because now he had the chance to be with you.

He was taking the life Baji should’ve had, but he’d take good care of you.

He could live being second best if that meant he got to have you.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo manji gang #tokyo revengers fanfiction #kazutora x reader #kazutora hanemiya #kazutora x you #kazutora x y/n #baji x reader #baji keisuke #fem reader #x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #TR

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cg29fics · 2 years

Text

Gone. Update!

Hello 👋 After a near 2 month wait I thought it was about time I put the next chapter of Gone up here.

Thank you to all who are reading along, whether it be your first time or you originally read when I posted on FFNet/Ao3.

I was previously having lots of problems with links, posts not showing in the feed, and other issues. Hopefully all fixed now but if you are reading along you may have missed updates so you may want to check out the links for previous chapters.

If you’d like to be tagged for this or other Fics please let me know: @janetm74 @drileyf @katblu42 @misstb2 @psychoseal @weirdburketeer @alexthefly @thundergeek59 @burningcowboyhoagietaco @dragonoffantasyandreality

Previous Chapter - 29: Operation.

Chapter 30: Allies and Confessions

The Hood landed on a small private airstrip, did his final checks, climbed out of the plane, and was greeted by one of his many contacts, who had previously proven himself valuable.

“I've acquired transport for you sir.” The man said, leading him to a nearby car.

“And the other arrangements?” The Hood demanded.

“I've arranged a base which is relatively close to Good Hope Hospital. The computer systems that you asked for have been set up and I have brought someone in who can use them to hack into the hospitals security systems. They reckon they will have access by time we arrive at the base.” The man responded.

“Good, good!” The Hood replied.

The man smiled. “You will also be pleased to hear that I have a colleague, who has done some private work for me in the past, and works at the hospital. She has been assigned to the team that is directly looking after Virgil.”

The Hood beamed at this news. “You are right. I am pleased! If everything works out the way I planned, and I finally manage to get my full revenge; then I will see that you are handsomely rewarded!”

“Thank you, sir. I won't let you down!”

“Make sure you don't! Now, take me to this base of ours and fill me in on this woman we have working for us on the inside.”

… …

24 Hours Later:

The Tracy's all sat quietly watching Virgil sleep, he had taken the previous day’s news about the extent of his injuries, and the amount of time he would take to recover well. Although they had all guessed that he was hiding how he had really felt. As Virgil continued to sleep, the door opened and Doctor Emily Sanderson, who they had previously met, entered followed by Nurse Andrews, who had initially spoken to Scott and John when Virgil had first been brought in.

“Hey Doc,” Scott said, standing up from his chair. “Where's Doctor Sylvia?”

“He’s just taking a short break,” Nurse Andrews answered with a smile.

“I just need to run a few tests on Virgil,” Doctor Sanderson added.

“Oh, okay.” Scott responded with a look of worry.

“Don't worry, it's nothing serious, all routine tests,” Nurse Andrews reassured.

Doctor Sanderson looked at the family. “I'm sorry but it's a little bit crowded in here. I just need to ask you to wait outside for a moment while I do these tests.”

“Can one of us stay with him?” Scott pleaded.

“Of course!” Doctor Sanderson replied.

Gordon, John, Alan, Jeff and their grandma made their way out of the room while Scott slipped into the chair next to Virgil and took his hand in his. He watched both the doctor and the nurse closely, he didn't know why but all his warning signals were going off in his head, something wasn't quite right, he didn't know what, but he was damned sure not letting anything else happen to his little brother.

…

Meanwhile:

The Hood observed the computer screens in front of him, which were now showing live images from inside of the hospital, he grinned when the man who was operating the camera brought up the live feed from inside Virgil's room. The Hood could see Virgil being tended to by a nurse and a doctor, while his brother sat next to him. “This is fantastic!” The Hood pointed to one of the women who was in Virgil's room with him. “And this is her?” He asked. “The one you were talking about?”

“Yes sir.” The man who had collected him from the airstrip answered. “She's the one who also managed to set up the hidden surveillance in his room.”

“They are International Rescue, how come they haven't detected it?” The Hood questioned.

The guy behind the computer smiled with pride. “It's my own invention sir. Don't worry, they won't find it.”

“Mm… You better be right,” The Hood responded. “Now, when do I get to meet this woman?”

…

As soon as Doctor Sanderson and Nurse Andrews had finished what they were doing and had left the room the rest of the family piled back inside, re-took their seats, and continued to watch Virgil sleeping. Another two hours passed by before Virgil began to stir, from another nightmare.

Scott leant forwards and slowly stroked his hand on his brother’s head. “It’s okay Virgil, it’s just a nightmare.” He consoled, watching Virgil’s eyes begin to flutter. “That’s it. Open your eyes for me Virg. We’re all here… Nobody is going to hurt you!” Scott continued soothingly.

Virgil mumbled some words under his breath which they couldn’t make out and then eventually opened his eyes. “Scotty.”

“Yeah, it’s me… We are all here with you!”

“Bad dream,” Virgil yawned.

“Yes, we could see!” Scott replied. Looking to his father Scott got the nod he was waiting for and then continued. “Hey Virg, we have all noticed that these bad dreams are happening a lot! We’ve all been talking, and you know that we are all here for you… So, why don’t you try and tell us all what they are about? Hopefully, by talking about them, you can then stop them.”

Virgil sighed. “They won’t go!”

Jeff took a hold of Virgil’s hand “Of course they will!”

Virgil felt a tear drop from his eye which his dad instantly wiped away. He knew he needed to tell them about what the Hood had confessed to him when he had been held captive, but he had no idea where to even begin. Virgil felt more tears begin to run down his face.

“Seriously Virg, talk to us,” Alan pleaded with tears of his own.

Virgil breathed out slowly. He could never deny his baby brother anything, especially when he was this upset. So, Virgil began to slowly talk. He told them everything that the Hood had confessed to him. He told them how the Hood had sworn revenge on Jeff, how he had stowed away and honed his powers until he was ready to take his revenge. Virgil then looked at them all as fresh tears streamed down his face. He began to tell them how the Hood had confessed to causing the Avalanche, with his powers, that had killed their beautiful mother. Then how the Hood had finally taunted him by planting the visions in his mind and making him relieve that day again and again. Then leaving them, ingrained in his head, as a nightmare, cursing him every time he slept. Then finally, how the Hood had taunted him with the fact that the dreams would remain until the day he died.

…

Meanwhile:

The Hood offered a seat to the woman in front of him, which she gladly took. He pulled up his own chair and surveyed her. “So, I’ve been told you have direct access to Virgil Tracy.” The Hood questioned.

“Yes, that’s correct. I was originally assigned to the team that’s looking after him.” She replied.

“So, you can get me direct access to him, without his family being there,” The Hood probed.

“Absolutely,” She responded confidently.

“Good, then I’d like to strike tomorrow!” He added.

“No problem at all sir,” She smiled confidently.

“Good!” He said standing and walking towards the door. He turned back towards her. “And please, call me Balah Gaat!”

Chapter 31. Evil Intentions

#thunderbirds fanfiction #cg29fics #thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds are go fanfiction #thunderbirds fandom #thunderbirds original series

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theladyofdeath · 3 years

Text

Life As We Know It {Chapter 12}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Shelby's blogs! >> @snelbz

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

* In case you missed the announcement - we will now be posting chapters 3 days a week! Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. We hope you continue to enjoy the story!

** Trigger warning: Miscarriage.

This chapter is legit a roller coaster, ngl. Enjoy. ;)

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

Nesta stood in the living room of Elain’s house with Nyx on her hip, feeling guilty for dropping Nyx off for the night even though Elain was the one to offer.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. Gives these little cousins some bonding time.” She reached out and took Nyx’s chubby little hand. “Besides, you and Cassian both need time to recoup.”

She wasn’t about to deny that. It had been a week since her not-date with Balthazar, a week since she and Cassian had uttered more than passing comments on how Nyx had acted throughout the day to each other.

Every time she looked at him, she found him already watching her and the fact got under her skin.

It became an unspoken thing that whenever she cooked dinner, she would make an extra helping and put it in the fridge for him. Not because she felt like she needed to, but because it made her feel better about their awkward arrangement. The longer time went on, the more she realized that as much as she’d been acting like taking care of Nyx together was a death sentence to her social life, he was going through the same thing.

And when she got home, she planned on making dinner for the two of them to share together. A sort of white flag of truce between them.

It was the least she could do. “Call me the second something happens-.”

“We’ll be fine,” Elain said, taking Nyx from Nesta and kissing her sister’s cheek. “Now, go. Relax. Take a bubble bath with some wine or something. Read one of those filthy books you used to hide in your closet.”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed.

Elain’s smile widened.

After a tough goodbye, Nesta was heading toward her car and driving back home, making a quick stop at the grocery store just around the corner.

She quickly got all of her fixins, prepared to make one of her favorites - salmon, rice, and green beans. A glance at the calendar that morning told her he would probably be home around five, which gave her just under two hours to make dinner. Easily doable, she’d made three-course meals in less time, for much harsher customers.

Yet she couldn’t figure out why her stomach was in knots.

When Cassian came home, he opened the front door and froze. The quiet in the house unnerved him. Usually, there was some random white noise to fill the house, whether that was the television or one of Nyx’s inane toys that distracted him so well. But as he walked through the house, the TV wasn’t on and he couldn’t hear much of anything.

Until he heard a throat clear from the kitchen.

Instantly, Cassian was on alert, not liking the sound at all, recognizing who it had belonged to, but silently, he made his way into the kitchen.

Nesta was sitting at the table, a plate of food in front of her, with an identical one at the spot he typically sat in.

“What’s…going on?” He asked, slowly taking another few steps into the kitchen.

Nesta stood and grabbed a beer out of the fridge, before taking it back over to where he hovered between the table and the doorway. She held the cold bottle out to him. “This is a truce.”

“A tru-?” He took it, but shook his head, not quite understanding her. “Where’s Nyx?”

“He is having a sleepover with Seph, Elain and Azriel. Elain wanted us to have a night off,” she said, sitting back down at her seat. “So I made us dinner.”

“You made us dinner?” he repeated, staring at the plates. “For the two of us to have? Together? At the same table?”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, unless you don’t want it.”

Cassian cleared his throat as he pulled the chair out across from her and popped open his beer. “I won’t turn down free food. Especially when it’s made by an expert.”

Nesta said nothing more as she cut into her salmon. “An expert?”

“You get paid for cooking,” Cassian said, picking up his fork and collecting a pile of green beans. “That makes you an expert. A professional.”

“This is a lot of compliments,” she said, watching him carefully as he ate.

“Maybe I’m jumping on board with this whole truce thing,” he said, mouth full of food.

Nesta wanted to chastise him about his manners, but bit her tongue. “You weren’t on board with it to begin with?”

He chewed slowly and then set his fork down. “Neither of us have…handled this very well,” he admitted, taking a drink from his beer. “And I’m willing to take a portion of the blame, but not all of it.”

Nesta weighed his words carefully. They were blunt, but not untrue. Sure, he’d acted like an ass many times, but she had only responded in kind. She knew she could be a bitch, and she knew she did it well. Sometimes too well.

“For this to be an official truce,” she began, holding her wine glass in her hand, swirling it once, twice, “there has to be terms we both agree on.” His eyebrows raised, but she pressed on before he could speak. “Mine are that we have to communicate. When you get frustrated or pissed at me, you can’t just bottle everything up until it all explodes. And when I get overwhelmed, I promise not to snap at you or act like such a…”

“A bitch?” He provided, when she stumbled over her words, smiling around the beer bottle pressed to his lips.

She wasn’t able to stop the smile growing on her own face, as she said, “Thank you, asshole. But yes. Those are my terms.”

He took a drink and nodded. “Okay. I think I can handle those.”

“And what are your terms?” She asked, cutting into the flaky fish for another bite.

He was quiet for a moment, debating. Nesta took a sip from her wine glass while she waited, watching as thought after thought passed across his face.

“I want to get to know you,” he said, finally. “I want to know who you are and I want you to know me.”

Nesta cocked her head to the side. It was a simple request, but Nesta wasn’t exactly good at allowing people to get to know rher. “And how do you suppose we do that?”

“A simple conversation will do,” he said, shrugging. “Over salmon and alcohol. Mostly alcohol.” He reached across the small table and picked up her wine bottle, filling up her wine glass to the brim.

“Getting me drunk so that I open up?” Nesta asked, sipping from that wine glass.

Cassian chuckled. “I would never.”

She watched her for a second, before taking another larger drink and setting it down. “Fine. Then it’s a truce.” He smirked, glancing over the table between them and then leaned over to look on the counter. “What?”

“I’m just looking for an official notice.” His smirk grew into an all out grin. “Something to sign. I figured you’d called up Tarquin and had some official documents written up.”

“You think you’re so funny.” She rolled her eyes and he chuckled, reaching an open hand across the table.

“Truce,” he said, taking her hand in his. They shook once, and Cassian was struck by how much smaller her hand was than his, yet by how firm her grip was. It was an impressive, professional handshake.

“So what do you want to know?” She asked, scooping some rice onto her fork and getting a bite of fish to go along with it.

His eyes narrowed as he thought about it and she began to wonder whether they should have laid down some boundaries. But he asked, “You went to the University of Velaris, right? What did you study there?”

Nesta blinked in surprise, not having expected the question. “Business and marketing.”

Chewing slowly, Cassian raised an eyebrow. “Nothing culinary?”

She shook her head. “No, I liked cooking, but I never thought it would become my career. I majored in business and marketing, with a minor in communications.”

“That sounds…” He fought for the words for a second. “Boring.”

Taking a drink of her wine, Nesta chuckled. “Oh, it was,” she admitted. “The longest four years of my life, but I’ve got the pretty, little diploma with my name written on it to show for them.”

“And how did you learn about food? How to cook?”

She shrugged. “I taught myself. I graduated college and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I got a data entry job at a marketing firm and spent my free time in the kitchen, trying and testing and tasting.” She paused, and her eyes fell to her plate. “Before my dad died, he listened to my idea about starting a small restaurant, with a few of my favorite recipes on the menu. He left me the money to do it in his will.”

“And now?” he pressed, although his voice held a certain gentleness. “Are you successful and thriving?”

Nesta snorted. “I make enough to live and pay the few of servers I have. If that’s successful, then I suppose.”

Cassian nodded in appreciation. “I’d say it is. What about the future? Bigger restaurant? Multiple restaurants?”

“Someday,” Nesta said, with a longing in her voice. “And what about you? And your guitars? Surely you don’t want to be a bartender forever.”

Cassian shrugged. “I don’t mind the bartending. Good tips and I meet a lot of interesting people.”

“But?” Nesta asked.

“But,” Cassian repeated, huffing a laugh. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t exactly say that managing a bar is my passion.”

“So, guitars then?” Nesta asked, brow raised. “You’re really talented. Your guitars are beautiful.”

Cassian’s eyes shot to hers, wide as he slowly set down his fork. “Holy shit, did you just compliment me?”

Nesta’s lips pursed as she kicked his shin under the table.

“I’ve always been good with my hands. Not like that,” he said, pointing at her when he saw the smirk growing. “I mean, creating things, playing instruments, even something as mundane as making drinks. If it’s something I can do with my hands, I typically love it and nine times out of ten, I’m good at it.” There was none of the cockiness she’d come to know in his voice. Just pure explanation, and a bit of devotion. “I’ve tried my hand at making furniture and little knickknacks, but there’s nothing that compares to building an instrument from scratch.”

“And you do it all? Yourself?” She asked, taking another bite.

He nodded. “I start with a few rough pieces of wood. Sand it, stain it, and boom, brand new guitar.”

Snorting, she lifted her wine glass to her lips. “I think you may have missed a few steps in there.”

“Well, I didn’t want to bore you,” he chuckled.

“How long have you been playing guitar?” Nesta asked, finishing off the last of her food.

Cassian took a minute to think about it, then shrugged, finishing off his beer. “As long as I can remember. I grew up with my mom in Illyria. They live simply up there. Music is…a way of life. It grew on me quickly. Mom bought me my first guitar that a friend of hers had made before I could even walk.”

Nesta chuckled, quietly. “Just like you did for Nyx.”

Cassian nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. Another drink?” he asked, nodding toward her emptied glass.

“Sure,” she said. “But, wine is gone. I think there’s some tequila in the cabinet.”

Cassian lifted a brow as he rose. “Tequila?”

Nesta grinned as he went to the cabinet. “Make me a drink, bartender?”

Cassian laughed as he grabbed the glass bottle from the cabinet. “I can. What’ll it be? Tequila sunrise? Margarita? Pretty sure we have some lime juice, somewhere.”

“I’m not picky,” Nesta promised.

She heard him laugh. “Somehow, I have a hard time believing that, Archeron.”

“Only where it counts,” she replied, smiling at him. She picked up their empty plates and rinsed them off, loading them into the dishwasher. Turning, she found him setting a shot glass with salt on the rim down on the counter. She chuckled. “That’s not what I asked for.”

“First of all, you technically didn’t ask for anything in particular,” he said, pointing at her as he crossed the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Secondly, this is the most classic drink I can make you with tequila. It’s the oldest recipe in the books.”

She outright laughed. “That’s cause it’s just straight tequila.”

“Exactly,” he grinned and damn it, if her heart didn’t skip a beat. “I lied, no lime juice.”

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms. “But if I’m doing sloppy shots, you’re joining me.”

“Oh, I never say no to shots,” he said, grabbing another from the cabinet.

He filled them up, and slid one to Nesta, who took the glass in her hand and held it up.

Cassian clinked his against hers, and they tossed them back.

Nesta’s face didn’t change a bit, and Cassian met her steady eyes. “Impressive.”

“Not my first tequila shot, Nazari,” she said, hopping up to sit on the counter. “What else do you want to ask me?”

He leaned down on the countertop, letting his arms lay flat. “Hmm.” He let his fingers drum quietly. “What did you want to be when you grew up? Or was it always a chef?”

She scrunched up her nose. “I was convinced I was going to be a doctor, I wanted to help people. But then I found out how many years of school was required to be a doctor. So I decided I wanted to be a nurse.”

Cassian carefully poured a couple more shots. “And what happened to that dream?”

“I found out that the sight of blood makes me queasy. Sometimes I throw up, sometimes I pass out.”

He laughed. “That seems like enough to throw off a career plan.”

“Yep,” she admitted, picking her wine glass up.

Cassian filled up the shot glasses, once more, and slid hers back to her. She set down her wine glass and snorted as she tossed it back.

“You know what we should do?” Nesta asked, and Cassian lifted a brow in question. “Go for a swim. We’ve been here over a month and have yet to use the pool that I’ve been cleaning, daily.”

Cassian took his shot before watching her, closely. “Last one in has to share their deepest, darkest secret.”

Nesta scoffed. “What are we, children?”

Cassian grinned as he pushed himself back from the counter. “Scared of a little competition? Afraid to lose?”

They stared at each other in silence for a minute before Nesta jumped off the counter, and ran up the stairs to throw on her swimsuit.

Cassian and his heavy footsteps were close behind.

It took her a few minutes to remember where her swimsuits had been packed, and from the slamming of drawers down the hall, it seemed Cassian was in a similar predicament. She finally found a two piece stuffed in the back of her underwear drawer, not exactly what she had been looking for, and hesitated before stripping down and pulling the bottoms on. Nesta was out her bedroom door before she even had the top fully tied, pulling it into a hastily tied bow behind her back. Her feet carried her as she flew down the stairs, but she froze when she opened the sliding glass door and found him already in the water.

He grinned from where he had his muscular arms resting on the side of the pool, and his hair was soaked, pushed back off of his face. With the wide smile on his face, he looked so much younger, almost boyish.

With a sigh, Nesta turned and walked back into the kitchen, grabbing a couple beers in each hand and made her way back onto the lit up patio.

“I win,” he said, smirking up at her.

The tongue she stuck out at him wasn’t her most quick witted response, but she was trying not to let her eyes drift beneath the water. When she suggested the pool, she hadn’t been thinking of how much skin would be on display, for either of them.

“That’s because you only had one piece to put on,” Nesta said, sitting near him by the edge and handing him a drink.

“Hey, if you only wanted to put on one of those pieces, I wouldn’t have stopped you,” he protested, and Nesta had to hide the way his suggestive tone, those words, made her blush.

He didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he popped open his beer and took a long, slow drink.

“So how about that secret?” He asked, voice lowering.

“Hmmm,” she crooned, tapping her chin. “Which to share when I have so many to choose from?”

Cassian chuckled. “You would have an endless string of secrets. Come on, what skeletons are in your closet? Something you’ve never told anyone else.”

Nesta had a lot of those, too. She wasn’t exactly the “open” type.

There was one true secret she kept though. One that no one else had known, not even Feyre or Elain. Just her and…

She hesitated and he looked up at her, caught the look on her face. “What?”

Shaking her head, she said, “I don’t want to kill the mood.”

The hand holding the bottle was right next to her thigh, and he let his pinky skim over her skin. “That kind of secret, huh?”

She gnawed into her lip, nodding.

“I’ll tell you mine, if it helps,” Cassian said, looking up into her face.

She slipped into the pool, thankful the water was warm, and shook her head. “That wasn’t our agreement.”

He stayed quiet, letting her process her own thoughts.

Sinking beneath the water, Nesta re-emerged, slicking her hair back. After a steadying breath, she said, “I’m sure you remember Tomas, my ex who interrupted our date?”

The mention of their date surprised Cassian, after so many weeks of them dancing around it. He nodded.

“We were together for a long time, you know? All through college.” She wasn’t looking at him, wouldn’t meet his eye. “I got pregnant just after our senior year. I had never wanted kids, you know? Wasn't the family type, at all. Never saw myself having a family. Anyway,” she continued, shaking her head. “It didn’t matter. I miscarried.”

Cassian continued to look at her, continued to watch as she stared blankly ahead.

“I got excited about it, too, which is ridiculous,” she went on. “For a moment, for those few weeks that I thought Tomas and I would be starting a family… I actually got excited.”

“How far along were you?” He asked, gently.

She answered immediately, with no hesitation. “Thirteen weeks. It was like one day I was pregnant, carrying our child and the next… The baby was gone.” She was quiet for a moment. “I woke up one morning and there was blood, so much blood. Tom was already at work, so I drove myself to the hospital, but there was nothing they could do.”

Cassian recognized the slow blinking, knew she was reliving those slow, sad moments again.

“I was dying inside, trying to come to terms with the fact that our baby was gone, and Tomas got home and-.” She took a deep breath and looked over at him. “He asked what I was making for dinner. He didn’t even acknowledge that our child was gone and… l guess that’s when I decided to do the same. To pretend nothing happened. We didn’t really talk much about it. We never told our families, I never told Feyre or Elain. Our father died about a month later and it all seemed so insignificant at that point. But Tom and I never recovered, our relationship at least. We broke up a few months later and…” Nesta shrugged. “Life kept going. I decided to open my restaurant and never looked back.”

“I’m sorry,” Cassian said, quietly.

She finally looked at him and shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t make it any less painful of a memory,” he countered.

She just nodded. “It’s how it was supposed to be though, right? Wasn't meant to be.”

Cassian took another drink as he nodded, slowly.

“Anyway,” she began, clearing her throat before dunking herself back down under the water.

“Would you like my secret?” He asked, when she turned and rested her arms on the edge of the pool.

She shrugged. “If you feel so inclined. You didn’t lose the bet.”

He leaned back, letting his arms drape across the edge of the pool as well. “When I was eighteen, I broke my back. I decided to take a year off before I started school, and was working construction over the summer to save money. I wanted to travel for a while. But then I took a bad fall off a roof. I spent two weeks in the hospital and then was stuck in my bed for another ten. And Rhys and Az stayed by my side the whole time. They put off their last hoorah vacations before they went off to college to stay with me.”

Nesta’s eyes drifted to Cassian, drops falling from her lashes. “Doesn’t seem like a secret if people know about it.”

“You didn’t know,” he shot back.

Nesta smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Fair. That sounds awful.”

“It was,” he agreed. “I don’t know if you know this about me, but I don’t like to stay still for very long.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” Nesta said, a little spark returning to her eye. “It was torture,” he followed, finishing off his drink. “Not being able to move. I played so many damn board games that I never want to look at one ever again.”

“Even if Nyx asks?” Nesta inquired.

Cassian gave her a lopsided grin. “Well, he’s the exception.” Nesta laughed, and Cassian shook his head. “I’d do anything for that kid. I think Rhys knew that, when he named me godfather.”

She understood that, related to it completely. Especially considering they had been named godparents together, regardless of their mutual distaste for the other. Their love for Nyx, for Rhys and Feyre, had been evident to everyone.

“I miss him,” she admitted, resting her cheek on the concrete. “I know it’s only one night, and I’m beyond appreciative, but… It’s weird not having him right inside.”

He nodded. “I get it. I do, too. I know Az and Elain can take care of him, and I’m sure he had a blast with Seph before they went to bed, but it hasn’t stopped me worrying about him.”

Nesta nodded, stretching her back. She took a drink from her beer. “Did you ever want kids of your own?”

He blew out a harsh breath and drained his own bottle before answering. “I never really considered it much, when I was younger. After my back healed, I was so focused on getting back to life that relationships and dating weren’t high on my priority list-.”

“But fucking was?” Nesta asked, smirking.

He rolled his eyes, nudging her slightly with a shoulder. “Maybe I was interested in sex more than relationships, I’ll admit. But before I knew it, my early twenties had come and gone. Everyone I knew was getting married and had babies on the way and… I was still the one living the bachelor life and decided to just run with it.”

“I get that,” Nesta agreed. “After…everything that happened with Tomas, I never wanted that again. My date with you and my date with Balthazar are the only two proper dates I’ve been on since college.”

Cassian lifted a brow. “And have you been on any improper dates?”

Nesta didn’t answer. Instead, her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink as she finished off her beer.

Cassian’s grin widened. “I never knew you were such a freak, Archeron.”

“Oh, fuck off,” she muttered, which just made him laugh harder.

“I must admit, it’s nice to hear you talking about our infamous date so often tonight,” Cassian said, pulling himself out of the pool.

Nesta couldn’t help but notice the way his muscles flexed, how the drops of water streamed down his back, between his shoulders, down to his waistline and the swim trunks, which rode low on his hips. She cleared her throat. “I didn’t say anything nice about that date, did I?”

“Absolutely not, but is there really anything nice to say?” he asked, sliding the screen door open. “I mean, you were an absolute nightmare.”

She gawked after him as he went inside, and once he came back with a small pyramid of beer cans, Nesta said, “I was a nightmare? You were a complete disaster!”

He scoffed, setting the cans down and cannon balling back into the pool. Even though she was already in the water, Nesta couldn’t help the squeal that left her. Cassian was grinning when he came up for air. “I forgot my wallet. I fully intended to pay you back, both monetarily and with the best sex you’d ever had in your life, but you decided to get huffy, stomp back to your front door and slam it in my face.”

“Oh, please,” Nesta said, reaching for a can and popping it’s top. Foam erupted from the opening and she put her mouth to it before it could drip into the pool. “You were over twenty minutes late, you wore work boots and a leather jacket to the nicest restaurant in Velaris, and we ran into your fuck buddy.” She drank deeply from the can, emptying it in one go. “As for the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, I’ve become very accustomed to and am just fine with my own hand, so you’re going to have to try pretty hard to do better than I myself can.”

She wiggled her fingers in his face and before she could register what was happening, his hand was wrapped around her own. As if he didn’t already know that. Cassian had caught her getting herself off in the bathtub, a memory that was seared into both of their heads. He tugged her closer and the empty can fell from her hands, floating on top of the water.

“I was talking about the past, sweetheart, but you seem to be talking about the present,” he breathed as her chest brushed against his own. “Who says my offer still stands all these years later?”

“You’d be a fool not to make that offer,” she breathed, and she knew the scent of beer was all he was breathing in.

“And would you accept it if I were?” he asked, one hand still wrapped around hers, the other snaking its way around her waist. “Still offering?”

Nesta’s breath hitched as their mouths grew so close, too close, close enough to reach out and taste his lips with a brush of her tongue.

It was tempting.

It would be stupid. Alcohol fogging her brain or not, Nesta knew it would be stupid.

But it was tempting, and in that moment, there were very few things Nesta could think about other than his hands against her skin, his lips a breadth width away from her own, and his cock she could very prominently feel twitching against her thigh.

Nesta’s lips brushed softly against his as she said, “Try and find out.”

#nessian #snacmc #snacmc lawki #modern au #lawki #fanfic #fanfiction #sjm #acotar #acosf

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v-hope · 4 years

Text

Puzzle Pieces

Pairings: Artist!Kim Taehyung x Heiress!Reader, OC x Heiress!Reader

Genre: Roommates AU, Enemies to Lovers AU, Arranged Marriage AU (OC x Reader)

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: Two things you knew for sure. One, although you and Taehyung were roommates, you were still complete strangers to one another. And, two, he did not like you one bit. It was funny, however, how you didn’t need to tell him you would appreciate his company that particular night for him to see right through you. And it was even funnier how you didn’t need to ask him to stay for him to do so.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drinking.

A/N: Helloo, this is from part 7 of my Social Media AU “Belong”, but since it turned out to be so long I decided to post it in one shot format lol. I hope you guys enjoy!

Taking things back to your place —more like, Tae’s place— had truly seemed like a good idea earlier that day. After all, it was either that or have the paps follow you and Sungjin around for what was left of the day, which would later be followed by romantic headlines regarding the two of you that would not precisely be far from the truth, if you looked at it from the plans your families had for the both of you.

Of course, there was always the option of ending your hang out right then and going your separate ways, but after having homesickness hit you like a truck that week after hanging out with your brother a few days ago, and knowing well enough Taehyung would not even acknowledge your presence once you made it home, you found yourself relying on Sungjin more than you had wished to, that being the third time in the span of a week you were hanging out with him, as you really wanted to have someone with you. And if that someone just happened to be the heir your marriage was being arranged with against your will, then so be it.

However, now, when you were straddling his lap as he leaned back on the sofa, with your fingers entangled on his hair and his hands on your back as he pulled you closer against his chest, heavy breathings and lips needingly pressing together, you were not sure of how good of an idea this had been.

You had not expected him to kiss you that evening. And, most importantly, you had not expected to kiss him back once he did. But you were lonely, and craving affection. And so one thing had led to another, and now here you were, making out with the one guy you were not supposed to fall for. Or was he the one guy you were supposed to fall for?

It all depended on the point of view you looked at it from. If you wanted to prove to your parents you could manage to live on your own and that way call off the wedding, then going to the guy your marriage was being arranged with and whom you had no feelings for was most definitely not the way to go. On the other hand, if you wanted things to go back to normal and be able to go back home, wouldn’t falling for said guy be the perfect way out? That way, your marriage would still be an arranged one, sure, but it wouldn’t matter anymore because you would still get to marry the man you loved.

Nevertheless, although the second choice did sound very, very appealing, you found yourself removing your hands from his hair and pressing them on his chest instead as you pulled away from the kiss. For although you were craving intimacy and had discovered right then Sungjin was one hell of a kisser, you felt nothing. And it was unfair on both of you to keep this going and pretend like you did feel something.

“No, no” your voice came out muffled as his lips pressed once more on yours. “This is wrong”.

Sungjin knitted his eyebrows together, finally opening his eyes as he pulled slightly away from you. “We’re engaged, how could it be wrong?”

“We’re not—” you sighed heavily, carefully looking at your hand pressing on his chest, which was missing the engagement ring you had taken off before moving in here to start your new —and hopefully permanent— life. “We’re not engaged…”

“You taking the ring off doesn’t change anything, Y/N” he tried to say it as sweetly as possible, yet his words could do no other than make your chest feel heavy. “We are engaged and we will get married so far, unless you stay here once your time is up”.

Lowering your head, you removed your hands from off his chest as you got off his lap and sat next to him on the sofa, not being able to hide how much this whole topic affected you. “That’s not the way I see it” you murmured.

The way you saw it, you were not engaged anymore, and only would be if you decided to go back home once the year went by.

No one out of your social circle knew what was going on with you and your family. No one knew there was a chance you would be marrying Lee Sungjin in a good couple of months. However, he was right. The ring had been there before you fought hard enough for your parents to give you this chance to prove yourself and break free from this arrangement, but you had taken it off on your own terms. You had asked them not to tell the media about it, so you could truly try and carry a life as ordinary as you could. And honestly? You were terrified you would wake up one day and find first thing as you opened Twitter that the cat was out of the bag and everyone knew about your —arranged— engagement.

“You should tell that to your parents then,” he shrugged. “So they can put on hold the whole wedding planning”.

Your head snapped up at the sound of that. “They’re planning it already?”

Sungjin’s eyes opened wide. “You didn’t know?”

A scoff abandoned your mouth, shaking your head in disbelief as you felt tears well up in your eyes — ones that you would neither let roll down your cheeks nor let your so-called fiancé see. Of course your parents were planning as much as they could of it already. Should’ve seen it coming. It was like they already knew you would fail and this was nothing but a mere formality. And although a part of you was fuming and could not wait to prove them wrong now more than ever, another one could not help but wonder if maybe they were right.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” you spoke in what came out like more of a whisper, almost begging him to drop the topic. “I can’t do this right now. Please, leave”.

Sungjin shook his head. “You’re always avoiding the topic,” he pointed out. “We’ll have to properly talk about it and what you plan to do at some point”.

“Well, I don’t want to talk about it yet” you moved further away from him on the sofa. “This was a mistake. Please, leave”.

He sighed. “Y/N…”

“Sungjin, leave”.

“But—”

“Um…” Taehyung’s deep voice coming from the front door had both your heads snapping in his direction. “I don’t know who you are,” his eyes were fixed on Sungjin next to you. “But she shouldn’t have to repeat herself when asking for you to leave”.

You awkwardly gazed over to Sungjin, whose body had tensed up at both Taehyung’s presence and words.

“And you are?” he asked, his previous soft tone whilst talking to you having now turned into a lower, stronger one.

“Her roommate,” Taehyung replied, taking a step inside yet keeping the door open — and although you were used to always seeing his serious side, you had never seen him this serious before. “The owner of this place”.

Sungjin’s eyes were now fixed on you, a frown taking over his very displeased expression. “So you’ve been living with his guy this whole time?”

“She has” Taehyung answered before you could, catching your —on hold— fiancé’s attention once more. “And I’m sure she had just asked you to leave, so…”

Moving aside, he opened the door wider for the man next to you to see his way out. So, sending you one last glance, which was filled with both confusion and disbelief, Sungjin reluctantly stood up, not saying another word before making his way over to the door Taehyung was holding open for him — not taking a step out of it without before having glared at your roommate, who did not hesitate to do the same right back.

Now, why were they glaring at each other? Sungjin knew his reason very well, for, one, Taehyung was forcing him to leave against his will, and, two, he was living with you. That alone, as someone who had feelings for you, was reason enough not to like Kim Taehyung from the beginning. Taehyung, on the other hand? He had no idea. He had just met the guy and decided right away he did not like him one bit.

Once that one second they had been holding glares as they passed by was gone and Sungjin had finally made his way out of the apartment, Taehyung wasted no time in closing the door, in what was far from the gentlest of ways. And although he had gone home to get the instant popcorn bags he had told his friends he would bring over to movie night, he didn’t head to the kitchen right away, but stood there by the door staring at you instead.

“You okay?” he wondered at the sight of your visibly upset expression.

You nodded your head more eagerly than intended, not sure if trying to convince him or yourself. “Yes. Uh, thank you…”

He let you know it was nothing with a small nod. With that out of the way, he turned to his side so he could resume to do what he had come here to do.

“How much of it did you hear?” you couldn’t help but weakly ask before he could take another step.

He stayed quiet for a second. Was there something he wasn’t supposed to listen to? “Just the part when you asked him to leave”.

You nodded quietly, hating the fact that you had no certain way to confirm he was actually telling the truth, and having nothing left to do but hope he hadn’t heard a thing regarding your dreadful marriage.

“Sorry if I made things awkward with your boyfriend,” he apologized after seeing the conflicted look on your face. “I just saw you were upset and—”

“He’s not my boyfriend” you corrected him before he could even finish his sentence.

Taehyung smiled cynically. “The smudged lipstick on your face says otherwise”.

You bit down on your bottom lip, feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment as you lowered your head — forcefully running your thumb over and around your lips to try and remove as much of your lipstick as you could.

“He’s really not, though” you repeated what was technically not a lie. “It’s just… complicated”.

“Same as what Jimin said” he shrugged.

With your eyebrows knitting together, your eyes followed his figure as he went inside the kitchen. He and Jimin had been talking about you?

As much as you wanted to know the details about that, you knew asking Taehyung wasn’t an option, for he was never willing to actually talk to you, let alone tell you about the conversations he had with his friends — even though you had been the main topic of it. So, deciding to just let it go, you stood up and went to grab the coat of yours you had hung by the door when you and Sungjin had arrived earlier that evening, putting it on and grabbing your purse as well right as Taehyung came back into the living room holding a bag in one of his hands.

“Where are you going?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows.

You couldn’t help but stare at him quite dumbfounded. He had never really minded you going out, and you wondered if you looked that vulnerable right then for him to actually be concerned about you doing so.

“I don’t really drink, but…” you shrugged, not needing to finish your sentence for him to take a hint.

“A bar?” his voice came out louder than expected.

Although taken aback at his reaction, you nodded. “I won’t make a mess if I come back drunk, you don’t have to worry”.

Taehyung snorted. As if that was what worried him about you going out drinking alone at night.

Not telling you that, of course, he shook his head instead as the corners of his lips curved up in amusement — your breath hitching when his hand firmly yet somehow still gently grabbed your wrist and dragged you back over the sofa you had been sitting down on before. Letting go of you, he left his bag on the small table in front of the couch and gestured for you to take a seat, having you do as told while your attentive eyes followed his every move, watching him once again disappear into the kitchen, only for him to reappear seconds later with a bottle of wine in one hand and a glass along with a corkscrew in another.

Leaving everything on the table in front of you, he took the bag he had left on it before and stood up straight, making you have to tilt your head slightly back so you could look up to him.

“If you’re drinking your feelings away, do it here” he stated, later rolling his eyes at the way you were silently staring at him, almost as if you had just seen a ghost. “Don’t look at me like that. Jimin would kill me if he found out I let you go out alone like that”.

You smiled weakly. “He wouldn’t have to know”.

“Have you forgotten who you are, princess?” he reminded you, causing you to roll your eyes at the annoying nickname he had chosen for you and you were apparently never getting rid of. “Get drunk in a bar and, next thing you know, a hundred headlines are written about you. Especially if you’re not used to drinking”.

“Right,” you sighed in defeat. “Thank you. Again”.

Taehyung nodded like it was no problem, later pointing at the bottle he had placed in front of you. “You know how to open it?”

“Yes”.

You did not. But you were not telling him that. You could not afford to not know how to do yet another mundane thing, for you were already useless enough in his eyes. You could always just look it up later and pray it would work out once you tried to do it, just like you had done with pretty much every other thing you had learned to do on your own after moving out.

“Okay” he mumbled, turning around and making his way to the front door so he could leave and get to his friends for once and for all.

“Taehyung?” you called him before he could reach for the doorknob, and before you could stop yourself.

“Yes?” he mindlessly turned his head in your direction.

You bit your tongue not to say what you wanted to, regretting already having called his name out without thinking before.

You wanted him to stay. You didn’t want to be alone. You hated being alone. And you were tired of this bad blood going on between the two of you. You wanted to talk. Actually talk. Not to spill your deepest secrets or become best friends, and most definitely not to tell him about your possible marriage and all about your family drama, but maybe just talk enough to get to know each other a little more. Nevertheless, it had only been a few days since you had asked him to keep you company and he had turned you down, making it very clear he had no intentions of spending his time with you. You couldn’t bother him again, let alone when you already knew what the answer would be.

“Have fun” you settled for saying instead, sending him a close-mouth smile that you truly believed was convincing enough.

And, you see, although you were smiling right then and couldn’t see how vulnerable you actually looked, being oblivious to it even, Taehyung could see right through you. And although he did not like you, not one bit, he was not heartless. So, letting out a sigh, he stopped trying to reach for the doorknob altogether and went back into the kitchen instead.

You just sat there puzzled as ever, believing he might have forgotten something else he needed to get before leaving, until you saw him come into the living room, no longer holding a bag in his hand, but another glass instead. And if that itself hadn’t been surprising enough, when he sat by your side and placed the glass next to yours, silently proceeding to open the bottle of wine —with such ease that couldn’t help but make you feel dumb over how it would’ve taken you a good couple of minutes to do what to him took less than one— so he could pour a good amount of it into them, you felt like you were hallucinating.

Your astonished eyes followed his hand as he held one of the glasses up for you to take, silently nodding as a way of saying ‘thank you’ once you held it in your hand. Not saying anything else, he grabbed his glass and took a sip of wine, having you follow his actions right after.

Words weren’t needed right then. And quite honestly, neither of you knew how to initiate the conversation anyway to begin with.

It was all untold. He didn’t need to give you a reason as to why he had decided to stay, and you didn’t need to thank him out loud for him to know you were thankful. You just knew.

“I’m sorry about the other day…” he was the first one to speak — partially to put an end to the uncomfortable silence filling the room, partially to actually apologize, for he had wanted to say that ever since he had spoken his mind about you when you texted him from another room the other day.

“Don’t” you shook your head. “I’m sorry I was pestering you. It was on me”.

Taehyung stared at you in astonishment, never having expected you to apologize right back when, in his eyes, he had been in the wrong. “You weren’t—”

“Taehyung,” you cut him off. “I get it” a weak smile formed on your mouth. “We’re not friends. You don’t like me. I know those things, yet I still went and tried to get you to spend time with me. I won’t ask again, I promise” your eyes fixed on his, not being able to know what the look in them meant at all. “And honestly, I know you’re only here right now because you feel guilty about it, so please, just... go do whatever you had planned to do tonight instead. I’ll be fine”.

He smirked, leaning against the sofa and taking another sip from his glass. “Well, good thing that, unlike that friend of yours, I do live here and can stay if I want”.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance at his smug ways, making yourself more comfortable as well on the sofa and bringing your cup up to your lips to take a small sip of alcohol. Of course telling him to leave would only increase his will to stay here with you. How could you not see that coming.

“I’m really sorry, though” he repeated, his previous smirk no longer there as his sincere words left his mouth. “Shouldn’t have brought your family up”.

You shrugged. “Like you said, I left home, and I have to own up to it. You’re not supposed to be there for me whenever I want. I know I’m spoiled and entitled, so don’t… feel bad for putting me in my place”.

He said nothing, trying to collect the conflicted thoughts of his that were running through his mind. How could you be so self-aware yet still not let go of that mask you had on when it came to showing parts of your life to everyone else? Why did you still pretend to be living your perfect life when you had just said you had to own up to the fact that you had left home? It made no sense to him. It was like there were missing puzzle pieces to you and no matter what angle he looked at it from, he could just not quite figure you out.

“Is there a reason why you left home, though?” he found himself asking before he could even process his words.

Maybe the answer to that was the only missing puzzle piece he needed to understand the whole picture. Maybe then he would see you like something other than a spoiled girl who had thrown a tantrum and ran away from home, yet was not willing to entirely let go of her privileged lifestyle and perfect public image.

A bittersweet smile curved up your lips, eyes intently staring at the dark liquid in your glass. “You really think I would’ve left my oh-so-perfect life without one?”

“Almost sounds as if it wasn’t that perfect”.

You shrugged, eyes travelling from his to anywhere else. In comparison to other families, to other lives as a whole, you knew you were privileged as hell. Perfect, however? It was way far from being so.

“Will you ever tell me said reason?” he wondered, not even trying to hide his interest anymore. “You know, so I can actually try and understand your situation?”

Locking your eyes with his chocolate ones for a second, you furrowed your eyebrows, genuinely considering to just drop all your problems on him so you could both get it off your chest and try to make him understand why you had done it. However, it was only that, a second — breaking the eye contact before you shook your head no, as if you had suddenly come back to your senses. “We’re not friends…”

He chuckled. “Is that your way of getting me to want to be your friend?”

You shook your head no again, a weak smile barely curving up your lips. “That is my way of telling you it’s personal”.

He nodded softly, understandingly. You were not friends, he knew that better than anyone, for it was him the one who had pushed you away ever since the beginning. It would be hypocritical of him to expect you to open up to him just like that. And although you wanted to trust him, although he was Jimin’s best friend and that alone made you feel like it would be alright to trust him, you did not.

You didn’t know if it was comical or tragic, how you had been living together and seeing each other daily for a month now, yet were complete strangers to each other.

“You don’t have to become my friend to know, though. So don’t worry about that” you tried to lighten up the mood. “Everyone will know in a little less than a year. Just be patient”.

“That big of a deal?” he raised one of his eyebrows.

You nodded quietly, for although you wished it wasn’t, it was indeed that big of a deal. If you failed, everyone would know you were getting married to Lee Sungjin. If you managed to prove you could fend for yourself, on the other hand, everyone would know your family was disowning you. Either way, no matter what happened, the media would make a big deal out of it. And honestly, you didn’t know which scenario was worse.

“Can we talk about something else that isn’t family related?” you pleaded.

“Fine by me” he sighed, raising his glass before he brought it up to his lips. “Any ideas?”

You shrugged, looking around in search for something that would make you come up with a new topic, anything that would take the attention away from your life yet keep him interested, until your eyes fixed on a few used brushes of his that remained inside a cup on one of the shelves at the other end of the living room.

“Your art?” you proposed, eyes going back to his already attentive ones and bringing your glass up to your mouth.

The simple mention of his work brought a smile to his face. “What about it?”

“Are you preparing for an exhibition or something like that?” you wondered. “You know, since ever since I got here you’ve spent most of your time locked up inside your studio…”

Taehyung nodded. “Yeah, I’m having an exhibition that’s kind of a big deal in a few weeks, and it’s driving me crazy”.

“Oh, really?” you tilted your head, genuine interest clear in your voice. “That’s great, though. What is it going to be about?”

“You sure you’ve got time for that?” he playfully squinted his eyes at you, that being the first time he had dropped his serious act in front of you. Good thing was, he could always blame it on the alcohol. “I could talk about art for days”.

You chuckled, taking another sip of wine and then shaking your head in amusement as a melancholic smile curved up the corners of your lips. So could you when you were younger, although you had really no one to talk to about it back then. It was nice, though, seeing someone be just as —if not more— eager about it as you used to be, and the fact that he could actually be able to express his excitement and love for it only made it better.

“Well, we’re not going anywhere tonight, so…”

Taehyung shook his head in amusement at your statement. You got a point, though — your respective bedrooms being as far as you would go that night, and considering getting there wouldn’t take you any more than ten seconds, it was fair to say you had the whole night ahead of you, or at least until you ran out of wine.

“You like popcorn?” he asked out of the blue, earning a giggle from you that for some reason had him biting down on his bottom lip not to smile as well.

“Weren’t you just about to start talking nonstop about your art?”

He rolled his eyes at the call-out. “Yes, but I’m hungry and have got lots of popcorn in the kitchen,” his eyes glanced over there for a second before they were back on you. “Plus, I need to text the guys to let them know I won’t be coming over anymore, so…”

You smiled, tilting your head over to the kitchen. “Off you go then, I’ll just wait here”.

“Is that a yes to the popcorn, though? Or...”

Another light laugh escaped your mouth at how uncertain he had sounded. “Totally a yes to the popcorn” you agreed, watching his tall figure as he stood up. “Never had it with wine before, though”.

“What?!” his eyebrows furrowed in utter disbelief. “That is like, my go-to friday night combo”.

“Nutritive” you teased him.

“Says the salad girl” he bit back, causing you to raise your free hand as a sign of truce, which had him once again rolling his eyes at you. “So what is it for the upper class? Good wine and fine cheese?”

“I mean...” you shrugged, sipping on your glass.

“You think you’ll be alright trying out such a lower class snack?” he teased, earning an amused smile from you as you shook your head and looked away, biting on your bottom lip to try and erase it.

“I’m sure I will make it” you let him know rather dramatically.

Letting out a low chuckle, he decided to say nothing more in return. Instead, he dug his hand in his pocket and took his phone out, starting to type on it —to let his friends know he was staying here, you guessed— as he a made his way over to the kitchen for what felt like the tenth time that night.

Taking your phone out of your purse as well, you leaned against the sofa as you scrolled through your social media while you waited for your roommate to come back, feeling a little bit more at ease now that you had managed to take your mind off things and the tension between you two had seemed to be gone.

Yes, you were not friends, and maybe you never would be. Maybe roommates was all there would ever be between the two of you, yet as long as you were able to hold a proper conversation every now and then, you knew you would be able to make it through this year in the end.

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imagineyouandharry · 3 years

Text

Gypsophila (H.S)

Summary: Prince Harry has been under great pressure to find a wife, and he finds his Queen in a way far more unconventional than he could’ve imagined.

Words: 5,730

Warnings: It’s a bit strange I guess? Idk lol.

A/N: Someone requested a Prince!Harry au forever ago, and then I didn’t really have an opportunity to write for a while, and then this idea sprung up on me and I’ve been lost in this little au for the past few days. It’s like a little twisted fairytale, taking inspiration from Snow White and Sleeping Beauty mostly. Part two is already a work in progress. If people are interested I’ll even put out a little sort of world building lore post with a map of the kingdom etc (I’ve been in DEEP). This part is a bit choppy and barely edited because I was just so eager to write it and get something out, but I would really appreciate any constructive criticism and editing notes! TYSM!! Long story short, enjoy!!!

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Harry Edward Styles did not believe in true love, in fact, he thought it was the most ridiculous idea ever. Harry’s certain he’s laid eyes upon every eligible young lady, from his kingdom and the ones surrounding, and he hadn’t felt a single thing when looking at any of them. He prayed every night that he would find his love the next day, and finally be able to put his parents out of their misery and ascend to the throne. At the age of 27, Harry’s the oldest person in his family to not be married, no one every waited this long in the royal family. He would’ve had an arranged marriage at 21, though when his parents suggested that he ran away on a sailing ship for two months. One thing was clear to him: though he may not have experienced love yet, he wasn’t going to ruin his chances at true by being forced into a loveless marriage. It wasn’t only Harry’s parents, but the entire kingdom that woke each day hoping to hear that their Prince had found his Queen. They referred to Harry as the Good Prince, his subjects adored him, and lived for his acts of charity and selflessness, and they only hoped he would find a Queen that would treat them the same.

Harry’s outlook on love changed however, after his most recent hunting trip. Sundays are for family and hunting, that’s what Harry was always told. No day was for Harry, he’d come to learn that. Living under a microscope meant for very little alone time, and almost no guilt-free alone time. He and his hunting party rode across the fields and out to the dense forest surrounding the kingdom, and over the two hour journey Harry found himself agitated with the topics of conversation going on around him. He wanted a break, tired of everyone only ever speaking about royal duties or politics. Harry had discovered a fresh water lake if he went off the trail, and when he realised they were edging closer to his favourite place he decided to excuse himself with the excuse of needing to fill his canteen.

The natural spring was a hidden treasure indeed. Harry’s entire kingdom was cut off from the rest of the world due to the thick forestland surrounding it. There was only one trail in, and one trail out, and even then only experienced riders were able to make the journey. The end of the trail, in the deep of the forest, was also often lined with thieves and outcasts making it not the safest journey. This spring wasn’t necessarily hard to find, however thick trees that lined the main trail hid the spring, the gorgeous wild flowers, and clearing of soft grass either side. Harry tied his horse to his usual tree, softly parting the bushes careful to not cause any permanent damage, and stepped his way through. His kingdom was full of hidden treasures like this, tucked away in places only to be found by those adventurous enough.

The sound of the running water was most prominent, however the closer he walked to the spring, the more he could hear a faint, delicate singing voice. Harry couldn’t recognise the song, but it was one he’d never forget now. It felt as though his heart dropped in his stomach, and he had to lightly scratch his arm on a branch to double check he hasn’t died and was hearing an angel of heaven sing to him. He walked closer, with quiet footsteps so not to disturb the singing. He knelt down to the edge of the spring and began to fill his canteen, looking around his eyes eventually focused on the source of his siren, standing in the clearing over the other side of the spring as she picked a bouquet of dainty flowers. Lavender, daisies, bellflowers, poppies. Her body was dressed in sage green, the simple dress showed she definitely was not from a wealthy family, but it was simple and beautiful in its own way. Perhaps she sewed it herself, it did look as if it were made for her. He could see her hair shine from here, and the features of her side profile were striking him even from a distance. She didn’t look real. The strange girl across the spring looked ethereal, like her beauty was too surreal for this planet. Had he hit his head? Was he seeing a forest fairy? He hadn’t even realised the staggering increase in his heart rate as he watched the girl, and listened.

He lost track of how long he had been watching her for, snapped out of his daydream when he heard a “Your Royal Highness! We must be getting on!” Harry heard shouting at him from a distance, most likely back where he had tied his horse. The girl had heard the faint noise and her eyes shot in Harry’s direction. His cheeks flushed with heat as their eyes met only for a brief second, before she ran away. The eye contact brought a slight curve to his lips, although she was leaving, at least he got another good look at her.

“Wait!” He called as he stood up, his hand and canteen dripping wet. His eyes softened as she simply left, looking back briefly in her stride, but he’d blown it. “God fucking damn it.” He cursed under his breath as he began to trudge back to his horse, his feet weighing heavy on the ground.

That was the most he’d ever felt, looking at the stranger across the lake singing as if it were for him, and he couldn’t help but feel like he’d just lost his future Queen. Half of him wanted to wade through the water and run after her, but Harry wasn’t a often disobedient Prince, when one of his parents or advisors told him to jump, his usual response would be “how high?” It’s ironic how for someone who’s whole life depends on finding his future Queen is given so little time to actually explore a social life, or love life himself. He was always set up with suitors who his parents found best. In the rare times he’s able to sneak away he’d gotten around, and most definitely wasn’t a virgin, but he’d never found a girl who had made him feel the way he wanted to feel about his future queen. He only wanted to please his family, and his realm, but this was the one thing where he refused to compromise.

Y/N was as far away from a future queen as it could come, or at least that’s what her step-mother wanted everyone to think. The entire town hoped to marry their daughters off to the elusive Good Prince Harry, however her step-mother only wanted her biological daughters to have that chance. When Y/N’s father passed away her step-mother sent her out to live as a recluse in a tiny cottage in the woods, she had always feared that her beauty would distract future husbands away from her actual daughters, and didn’t want to ruin their chance of being married. Each Sunday she drops Y/N off the supplies she needs, but that was the only human contact she was given. It wasn’t too bad, she managed to keep herself busy with sewing, baking, or whatever other art or craft she could think of and had the materials for. It was lonely though, and she was ultimately alone.

Well, if you don’t count forest fairies. Y/N hated being outcast into the forest, and spent most of her early months in the cottage crying to whatever wild animal she could find that day that would stick around long enough. Eventually, these wild animals started bringing their fairy friends along with them. They would spend their days with Y/N tending to fruit and vegetable gardens, watering plants, having picnics, and making daisy chains. Her life was simple, and although not one she asked, it was one she was growing fond of. Male company was something she could only imagine and long for, or read about in story books. There were dozens of fairies living in the forest, but she’d become particularly close to a group of some of the female fairies.

Each Sunday before her step mother visits, Y/N will pick her step mother a bouquet of flowers in attempt to win her over, in hopes maybe one day her sweetness will earn her way back into town. Y/N had total obliviousness towards her step mother’s plan, and towards what was going on in the city. This year, any woman over the age of 21 was to present herself to the Prince. Y/N’s 21st birthday fell on the day she was scheduled to be presented to the Prince. The letter had been delivered shortly before she was sent away to the forest, Y/N never laid her eyes upon it though. The letter outlined the royal guard would be coming to collect anyone who failed to present themselves on the day, and to Y/N’s step mother that meant the only option was to make it so Y/N never turned 21, or made it to her birthday for that matter.

Seeing the Prince most definitely did spook Y/N during that day in the field, if her step mother ever found out she’d had contact with a male there was no chance she’d ever be allowed to move back home. She did all she could think to do. She ran. She ran so fast that the petals of the flowers she had picked were ruined in her haste, quickly shutting herself inside the cottage to gather herself before her routine afternoon visit from her step mother. Sure she knew of men to be dangerous and terrible, but she feared her step-mother’s wrath more than anything any man could put her through.

Like any other Sunday, she scrubbed the house and dressed herself in whatever new garment she had stitched herself this week. The fairies had been busy this week and she’d had a great deal of time to herself, embroidering colourful flowers into the soft white linen of the new dress she had made. Her step-mother would bring her fabric and thread to sew dresses for her step sisters. It was something to be proud of, but most likely would be over looked. Little was said upon her step-mother’s arrival, but her character seemed off. Her step-mother’s eyes darted around, checking windows as she insisted on making the two of them tea. Y/N sat down at the small dining table, recounting tales of her week, ensuring to leave out anything about fairies or a boy. She watched a small bunny outside the window, forgetting to speak as awe overwhelmed her whilst she watched its tiny nose twitch. Her daydream came to an end when the sound of the ceramic mug hit the hard wood of the coffee table. “Drink while it’s warm, my love.” Her step-mother told her, sitting down in the seat at the head of the table beside Y/N. It wasn’t long after that that Y/N hit the floor, and her step-mother was shrouding herself in a hooded coat and sneaking out of the tiny cabin.

Elsie, a fairy most close to Y/N, who specialises in healing, came to the conclusion that she was only out for about six hours before the fairies found her. They did all they could over the following weeks to bring her back to life, trying as many possible rituals, potions, and spells to give life to her body once more. Nothing was of use though, and instead they decided to preserve her in a glass case in the clearing amongst the wildflowers. She had professed to them that the clearing by the spring had been her favourite place, so they saw this fit. Preserving her in the glass case was simply because the idea of her beauty decaying away made any of the fairies shriek. Fairies never communicated with humans, however Y/N was different. Elsie had always theorised that Y/N had magic in her blood. Amongst the many spells and rituals they tried to bring Y/N back, they threw in a spell that would hopefully bring her back with true love’s kiss. It was like a safety net, or a ‘what if?’ But they eventually tired and wore out, preserving her was well enough for now. They kept her dressed in the new dress she had crafted for herself, it was so beautiful after all. They had placed tiny baby’s breath flowers throughout her hair, and made sure everything was perfect. They even went as far to adorn her in delicate gold jewellery, with beautiful crystals of all colours. Her body rested upon a large rectangular slab of rose quartz.

****

Harry was dreading sitting in the throne room, while all the eligible females from the town were presented to him like livestock. It made him sick, and left a terrible taste in his mouth. All he could think of was the girl from the clearing. Is she a sign? Is he his ticket out of here? Was seeing her fate? Questions like that simmered over his mind and kept him awake at night, he had been sleeping little and finding it hard to focus on his duties. His best friend Niall was he closest confidant, the only one he had told about the beautiful girl in the clearing that day. Niall cared more for Harry than anyone, really. He didn’t just care about his fame or power or wealth, Harry was his best friend and he hated seeing his best mate so down about his love life and the pressure to marry a woman he doesn’t love. He made it his mission to find the woman, and his detective work lead him down a path he didn’t expect at all. First he went to the clearing where Harry filled his water in the spring, that was where he first noticed something over the other side of the spring that he couldn’t quite make out. He followed the spring and found an area narrow enough to cross, making his way to the structure he’d seen earlier. He didn’t know what to make of this discover, a dead girl in a glass coffin. ‘Forever at rest, only to be woken by true love’s kiss’ read an inscription on a gold plaque. He really didn’t know what to make of this. He didn’t know what to tell Harry.

Sweat lingered Niall’s brow as he made his way back to the castle to find Harry, to tell him of his discovery. “Look… I just need you to come with me and tell me what you think when we’re there.” Niall tells him, his voice somewhat breathless. Niall himself was still in disbelief, shock, his eyes wide as he shook his head. “I just- I don’t know what to tell you. You need to see it for yourself.” He adds.

Harry nods. “I’ll come immediately.” Harry tells him, his trust for Niall outweighing anything else going on in his head. Together they rode to the forest, crossed the narrow part of the spring, and towards where Niall had discovered Y/N.

“Is this the girl you were talking about?” Niall asks, however when he looks from the girl to Harry, he knows the answer. Harry couldn’t help but fall to his knees, pressing his palms against the glass as he looked inside. He noticed how long her eyelashes looked, and the freckles on her nose. His nose was almost touching the glass as he leant here on his knees at the side of her, taking her in up close.

“What happened to you?” He whispers, his eyebrows knitting together. Niall gives him a moment before he decides to mention the plaque at the foot of the structure.

“It uh, says something weird about being awoken by true love’s kiss. I don’t know if it’s true, and it’s revolting to think you would kiss a dead body for nothing, but someone has put her here. Someone made this. My grandmother in her old age would mutter stories about forest fairies and their magic… It just makes you wonder, you know?” He ponders, his eyes wandering away. It felt silly to bring up magic, it was something very commonly dismissed.

“Help me get this off.” Harry said as he brought himself from the ground, the soft grass had left green stains on his tan riding pants. He pushed the sleeves of his white linen button down up past his elbows, and the two men carefully lift the heavy glass case up off of the rose quartz Y/N had been resting on. It wasn’t easy, and the glass at the bottom dug into Harry’s fingers before they set the glass piece of the structure down on to the grass. “Alright. Here we go.” Harry said, in attempt to psych himself up for kissing a dead girl. She didn’t look dead though, just sleeping, you could only tell she was dead due to the missing rising and fall in her chest with her breath. “I might start walking back to the horses, give you some privacy.” Niall said, giving him a slight smile. He also didn’t really want to witness someone kiss a dead person, if she didn’t end up waking up.

“Good luck. Take your time.” He adds, part of him had no doubt it was going to work though. The stories his grandmother would tell him of the forest fairies were something he’d always held on to, those stories were amongst his most treasured memories. He’d always had some hope.

Harry waited until he could no longer hear Niall’s footsteps before he leant down close to Y/N, brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. He took a moment, if this never worked it was going to be the last time he’d ever see her. He couldn’t fathom coming back to this spot if this didn’t work. His heart began to ache at the thought, it made his chest feel tight, and gave him the urge to rub at the spot.

“I really hope you’re who I think you are.” He whispers as he looks down at her. “This might seem like absolute madness. I don’t even know your name, but if you wake up for me, I swear to you I will be yours forever.” He began, to Harry this almost did feel like a ritual, it felt special, and the words he was speaking were amongst the most genuine he’d ever given life to. “I promise, I will protect you. I will provide for you. I will love you. I will never, ever harm you. I will love you until my very last breath, I just need you to do this one thing for me.” His voice was barely a whisper now, and breaking as hot tears welled in his eyes. He very carefully leant down, pressing his warm, puffy lips against her cold, smooth ones. He didn’t know how long to wait, but it didn’t feel wrong. It was a sweet, tender kiss. His eyes closed, and he felt at peace. It felt more than at peace. The long grass, wildflowers, and tree branches that surrounded them began to stir with wind, petals floating up into the gusts that took them. This girl had a tendency to make him feel like he’s dead and in heaven. Her lips slowly began to warm, and skin began to glow with heat. It felt like they were floating, as if the universe was made up of just the two of them. The flowers beneath him began to grow taller and more dense, and it began to feel like his heart was pulling towards hers. It felt like a tether had been formed, connecting their energy, he could feel as her heart began to pump blood again, and her energy radiate from her skin. It felt too surreal.

Slowly, Harry removed his lips to allow Y/N to breathe. He let a hand lay gently resting on her cheek as he watched her gasp for her first new breath, eyes shooting open as she looked up at him. It wasn’t shock she was met with when her eyes met Harry’s, but peace. The luminous green eyes that were gazing down upon her were like lighthouses, guiding her towards safety. So many questions began to race her mind as she came to reality, unable to decide which one to ask first. As if based on intuition, Harry decided to speak. “I uh- I’m not too sure what happened to you but my friend found you here today and brought me to you. I believe I saw you a few weeks ago, in the same spot. I’m not sure how long you’ve been out here, but there was this little plaque at the end of this thing here, that said something about a kiss to wake you up… I’m sorry for kissing you without your consent, but I couldn’t risk not taking this chance.” He didn’t mean to ramble or to overwhelm her with his spiel, but he was overwhelmed himself with everything that had just gone on. True love’s kiss. His queen. His true love. The other half of his soul, in human form. Y/N’s lips parted as if to speak, but nothing came out. She closed them once more as she sat up and looked around, swinging her legs off the side of the marble before looking back up to Harry. Her movement had disconnected his hand from her face, and they both longed for each other’s touch once more already. Her eyes began to well with tears as she began to think about how she got here, her last memories.

“I can only assume how overwhelming this must all be for you… We can stay here as long as you need, it’s just us. When you feel ready for it, I can take you back to my home and we can get you showered and fed. I don’t mean you any harm.” Harry doesn’t even need to add that last sentence though, because she can feel it. She can feel his love for her, she could almost hear it if she listened closely enough, as if his heart was now beating a song for her.

Harry stood back, as if to give the doe eyed girl some space. She looked at him as if he was the most precious treasure on Earth, he’d never felt so overwhelmed with love. This was followed by her delicate hands reaching out, taking ahold of his as she brought herself to stand in front of him. “Is it alright if you hold me for a second?” She asked softly, needing time to process things.

It had been so long since she had been touched affectionately, she couldn’t really remember it. Her father was never affectionate, nor her step mother or step sisters or anyone else she’d met. She felt comfortable with the stranger in front of her though, and didn’t have the energy to resist the magnet like force pulling her towards him.

“Of course.” He responds, his voice soft as he wraps his arms gently around her frame, pulling her into his warm figure. Harry was like the perfect, giant teddy bear… but he wasn’t really that soft. Pressed against him she could feel how chiseled his features are. Her arms wrapped around his waist as she relaxed into him, cheek against the skin of his chest kindly revealed by the first few buttons of his shirt being undone. “What’s your name?” He asks, tangling his fingers in her hair to lightly rub his fingertips against the tender skin at the back of her neck.

“Y/N Y/L/N. Yours?” She asks, looking up to the tall, broad man.

“Harry.” He decides on leaving out his royal title or last name.

“Just Harry?” She asks, her eyebrows raising.

“For now. We have plenty of time to talk about me later.” He notes, removing the same rogue strand of hair as before from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. It was almost as if her hair had a life of its own, breathing, like the other flora growing in the forest. He had noticed the baby’s breath in her hair, though her hair moved, they remained in the same places, as if growing out of their place on the strand of hair. “What do you last remember?” He asks, needing to know if whatever put her in eternal sleep had been by accident, or as an act of malice. She looks back away from his face, resting her cheek once more against his chest.

“My step-mother, Styephania came over, she made me tea. That’s all I can really remember.” She said, unable to stop the disappointed sigh from escaping her lips. Maybe she’d had a freak health accident, like a stroke. Just because she’d been mistreated by her step mother her whole life, didn’t mean she was capable of murder. She knew her step mother didn’t put her out here though, this was the work of fairies. They were looking on, hiding in the bushes as they stood witness to young love blossom in front of them, not wanting to disturb the two of them. “I look crazy, and it sounds crazier saying this, but I’m certain the forest fairies are responsible for looking after me and putting me here. The day she came over was the day I think you saw me here, and I’m not sure how I’m meant to feel but I don’t feel like I’ve been a dead body since then. I feel like no time has passed at all.” Harry avidly listened to her speak, her voice like caramel, seeping in his ears and warming his whole body. Harry wasn’t phased by her mentioning fairies, Niall had suspecting this being their work earlier. It was the only explanation Harry could think of. He couldn’t understand why her step mother would leave her here, why she wouldn’t find her help.

He didn’t want to worry his sweet girl now, he wanted to make sure she felt alright, safe, and cared for. His grip on her wasn’t too tight, but firm in a comforting way. “The plaque… It mentioned how you’d only be woken by true love’s kiss.” He figured the longer he waited to tell her the stranger it would be. His cheeks were red, as if embarrassed or ashamed to tell her about the plaque, how strange it all was. Her eyes met his, and the connection gave him whiplash. He couldn’t peel his eyes away, getting lost in the little pools. He wanted to know everything about her, what she liked, disliked, what she ate for breakfast, her favourite songs, flowers, secrets. Everything.

“I don’t know if I know what love feels like. The only men I’ve spoken to are all twice my age. I wasn’t really allowed to see boys. You’re definitely much, much more beautiful than I would’ve imagined a man to be, and I’m certain that my heart is literally beating for you now, since you woke me.” She tells him, the descriptions of heroes in stories she would read, or how she would imagine the older men to look when they were younger, were incomparable to Harry. The compliment made his cheeks flush. With each beat of her heart, it was as if it was pulling her closer to Harry, calling out for him, begging for him to love on her and soothe the ache in her chest.

“How has God made something so sweet?” He mumbles, he hadn’t even realised he’d said it out loud at first. “You’re breath taking. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, and trust me when I say I’ve seen a lot of them. Even from far away, the first time I saw you… You make me nervous. You make my heart race, and my palms sweat, and I get butterflies in my stomach and nervous when I think about saying the wrong thing or not having you like me. It’s as if you’ve been carved by God himself, like he was showing off when he made you so beautiful. I wish I’d met you sooner.” Those last words burn his throat, how easier the last few years would have been if he had just been able to find her sooner.

*****

Harry sent Niall back to the castle first, having him instruct everyone to clear out the path that the Prince and his soon to be queen would take to his suite, he didn’t want to spook her with people around. The guards had to stay though, non-negotiable. He also had Niall ensure the doctor was on standby, just to check on Y/N and stay in the castle over the upcoming weeks in case anything else happened. Security was going to be increased, and tightened, and a warrant put out for her step mother.

The two hour horseback ride to the castle would give them well enough time to get to know each other, Harry and Niall had also switched horses, Niall’s being the slower of the two. “I don’t want to startle you when we get there. I also don’t know how to really tell you this. I’m in the royal family, so the guards and whatnot are something to just be ignored. They’re for your protection. I don’t know if you heard much of what I was telling Niall earlier, but you’re going to be very safe here, and we’ll find out what happened. I’ll look after you, I promise.” His eyes are ahead as he speaks, looking over the vast green fields ahead of them once they eventually emerged from the forest.

“Still just Harry, to me.” She reassured, sensing his nerves about revealing this information to her. His shoulders relaxed at her reaction, and a smile formed on his lips when his mind began to wander into what their future may be like. His queen.

“Hey, one day that’ll be King Harry to you.” He joked, thankful that it was received with a laugh. Her laughter was almost as sweet as her songs, and for the rest of the journey he made it his mission to mine as many possible laughs out of her as he could, like little nuggets of treasure. After making their way through the fields that lined the forest, they went down a long road that served as a divide between two of the castle’s towns, and at the end of that road just past a small valley of mountains was a sight far more glorious than Y/N had imagined. Her village was a small village that contained mostly candlemakers and dressmakers, and it sat further to the east, people only ever going out there to purchase fine candles and clothing. It was niche though, and not many could afford the fineries the master crafters in her village would create. Y/N hadn’t even really seen a home larger than a cottage, Harry’s castle looked large enough as if it could contain its own little world, a complete wilderness of towers surrounded by fine gardens, protected by a large moat with a standalone drawbridge. Harry didn’t even need to announce himself, the drawbridge was already in the process of being lowered for him.

“I had Niall clear our path, I don’t want to overwhelm you. I’ll introduce you to everyone when you’re ready.” Harry reassures her, she hadn’t even thought of anyone else though, too in awe of the sights around her. Flowers she’d never seen before laced these gardens, with fine marble sculptures and fountains protruding from them.

“I can’t believe this is your home.” Y/N whispers, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Your home too, if you’d like.” Harry replies, though his words immediately shrouded him with nerves about rushing Y/N into anything. It was stupid, they were each other’s true love’s, but it felt wrong being strangers, so Harry tried his best to conceal things. He’d never been in a conventional relationship before, never mind whatever this arrangement is or was going to be. He just knew he wasn’t meant to rush things, so he tried to refrain from expressing his feelings as best as he could. Her arms around his waist tightened, Y/N needing to feel as close to Harry as possible. He held the reins in one hand, the other arm resting over hers around his stomach, holding on to her arm to make sure she couldn’t let go.

“I’d like that.” Y/N reassures, gently rubbing his side to soothe him. Harry was too caught up in his own feelings to pay attention to how calm Y/N was. She could feel his anxiety though, and continued to try to soothe him as best she could. Y/N knew very little about Harry so far, but what she did know was that he was kind, caring, and had a lot of worries. She’d never been a worrisome person, and if anything would even refer to herself as naive, it was something she’d always been almost ashamed of but in this moment felt like maybe she’d been made to be by Harry’s side. Y/N liked the idea of spending her days being Harry’s rock, a voice of reason. She’d rather a man like this than one who had no emotions, that was for sure. It could’ve been whatever was now eternally bonding them, but she swears she was feeling his emotions, able to see his aura if she really studied hard enough. She sunk into him some more, her arms around his waist, cheek resting against his back. Harry made sure to take it extra slow, giving his love enough time to appreciate the flowers. She seemed to like flowers, and his mother took pride in this being the most beautiful garden amongst all of the kingdoms. He couldn’t wait to show her all the fineries that came with his life.

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