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demenior · 3 years ago

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Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons:

I love talking about my own work and

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories.

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God.

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’.

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency.

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics.

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression.

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question.

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”.

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish?

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance!

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired).

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc.

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years.

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did.

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.)

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

#the love it takes series #to exist again fic #to become a man fic #dem speaks

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cerysdelaney · 3 years ago

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Hello! This is Sugar! Wanted to let you know I think you are an amazing writer and I believe in you! I had a quick question for you tho, how/when did you know this was what you wanted to do?

Sending you love!!💚💚💚

Short answer: This has been a long and broken path. Wanting something and making it happen was a series of false starts and self reflection.

But I have always loved storytelling. So here’s my long answer:

I started making OCs for my favorite shows since I can remember. They were all originally self inserts with powers or alterations. To name a few, I had a best friend to Sonic, a sixth Power Ranger, and an immortal being of the Force that helps Luke on his journey. There were so many.

My first fanfic was in Harry Potter, and… well… I don’t know if anyone remembers Fanfiction.Net and it’s toxicity level in the 90s… (who knows, maybe it’s never changed?) But my tiny little 12-year-old-written self-insert was eaten alive and spit out to die slowly. I had like 12 views, no likes, and 3 comments of vile cruelty.

So then I only wrote for my friends. I created a multiverse combining OCs from Dragonball Z to Star Wars… Gundam Wing to Harry Potter… Xanth to Xena and Hercules. I made their descendants, lore, etc. But it was all for my friends’ eyes alone.

In high school, I went to Creative Writing summer camps (which I later became a camp counselor in… Ah, summer jobs…). In college, one of my majors was English with an emphasis on Creative Writing. But I did realize I had another calling by then too. One that was a bit more stable. And, honestly, Creative Writing courses killed my drive to write. I was looked down on for aspiring to be a “genre writer.” And it’s crazy to think I listened to them, but I did… except once…

In my senior year of college, for my last story, I wrote about Lucifer’s fall from the perspective of the fallen angel himself. It was inspired by John Milton’s Paradise Lost (which I had taken an entire course on) and my own battle with my faith, Catholicism. I had been an active member in the church, but in college I finally let myself explore parts of me I didn’t before. I had sex. I let myself finally acknowledge that I wasn’t straight. I had more sex with everyone. I dated guys and girls, non binary and trans. And I became an outsider to the world I once knew. All that taken into perspective, I felt for a character who used to be so close to God’s right hand, and then loses his position because of choices that didn’t fall in line with the teachings. So I wrote from my heart in a tale as old as patriarchy.

And no one in class made a goddamn negative critique.

I don’t know how many of you out there have ever taken a creative writing class, but I still can’t put into words how shocking it was to not receive even a single red note. Not even that pretentious jackass who was already published in multiple online magazines had any comment for improvement. Instead, what was supposed to be a fifteen minute round robin of commentary became an hour long conversation about how jarringly relatable Satan is as a protagonist. Some were grappling with God as a tyrant. Others enjoyed the juxtaposition of Jesus and Satan. It was awesome. It was fun. It was everything I wished a my entire four years had been: talking about ideas.

But then I didn’t get a single call back from any graduate schools when I decided to use that piece and genre fiction in my portfolio. So I focused instead on the job I did get that does the other thing I love.

And I stopped writing.

Fast forward almost ten years. I’m now married, career secure, and looking to have a baby. I haven’t grappled with the fact that I love sex but have married an asexual man who I love beyond words. I’m also going into heat. (That’s a more honest way to describe the “ticking clock” everyone talks about as you near your 30s and then get into it. Holy hell ovulation is a hungry beast).

I needed an outlet, and it couldn’t be private. I was already too private. At the same time as I’m grappling with this, a friend introduced me to this deliciously dark character of Gaster in Undertale, and I just… started writing.

I created an AO3 account under the name Dark Crystal Demon and I let myself write whatever I wanted to write. I wrote rape by plants and ghosts. I wrote about women with dicks. Myself with a dick. I wrote about BDSM and Master/Pet play and It. Felt. So. Good.

I feel alive writing whatever I want because I can’t be whatever I want in real life. I honestly can’t. I’m highly respected in my career, but that all goes away if I reveal an account like this. I want to keep the career I have. So welcome to my secret den of dreams and nightmares. I’m very good at decorating closets I find myself hiding in.

I didn’t plan on writing for others, but my love for pleasuring others has definitely intermingled with my love for writing erotic content. Most of the time I write for me, but there are a few of you in my DMs who know when I’m writing for you ^_~ I can’t help but tease you. I adore you so.

Teasing friends made me realize I like world building around people’s desires. So that’s when I started taking commissions. But balancing family, career, and writing has been difficult these last five years. You all who have been with me for a while have seen my giant hiatuses in fanfics, etc.

During this pandemic I realized I wanted to finally give writing it’s chance. Instead of taking another career-advancing task, I decided to stay where I am in my job. So for the first time in a very long time, I can finally use my free time for my hobby and not extra work. (Can I just say, making a calendar for when I’m going to work on different fics, commissions, Master Classes, and erotic articles is exhilarating.)

So here I am. Told you it was a long story. Communities in writing are just like relationships, some are abusive and treat you poorly. I got lucky and found one that has let me be me. That’s why, when I tell you all I appreciate your support, it’s coming from the center of my soul. Thank you for letting me be me, especially you, Sugar. You are a very cherished supporter. 💜

#ask #sugar #Cerys talks #path in writing #long ramble #writing advice #write for yourself and your people will find you #at least that’s my experience #thank you for your support

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veliseraptor · 5 years ago

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fic rec meme: 2019 edition

Rules: Post links (Ao3, ff.net, etc.); specify fandom/pairing/etc; don’t answer the same fic twice - spread the appreciation; tag other people; you don’t have to answer all the questions, but leave them in the list so the next person can answer if they want.

I was tagged by I think a couple people - @aphrodaisyacs and @aninfinitenumberofmonkeys. I’m going to try to keep this pretty short because I have a tendency to go on and then not finish these kinds of things because I overwhelm myself.

I also cheated a bit on a few (a lot) of these because I read a lot of really good fic this year. And tried to include some recs I haven’t seen from others in my circle/fics I don’t see recced that often (though that’s not true of all of them).

I also shuffled things around so I didn’t repeat them, though a lot of these could be included in more than one category.

1. Favourite complete fic you’ve read this month (multiple chapters/parts): I did not read a single complete multichapter fic this month. Meant to, but didn’t do it.

2. Favourite complete fic you’ve read this month (one-shot): The mirror has a mirror in its teeth by deadendtracks. Peaky Blinders, Tommy/Lizzie, messy as hell in the way that I love.

3. Favourite WIP you’ve read this month: But I’ve read so many good WIPs this month. I’ll go with Contraction by NamelessDragon, MCU, Loki/Bucky, sequel to Compression (also amazing), which I’m finally catching up on after being stuck on reading almost everything for months.

4. One fic/series you’ve read which you keep coming back to again and again: (those yesterdays bleeding through by wnnbdarklord (MCU, time loop set during The Dark World) comes to mind, as, of course, does Bargaining by proantagonist (alas! for its vanishing), but to pick one that kept coming up this year I’m going to have to go with the nine in the tree by bereft_of_frogs, MCU, Thor & Loki-centric, post-Ragnarok AU.

5. Most underrated fic you’ve read this year: It feels like cheating to do this for a small book fandom, but you know what? My small book fandoms deserve more love. Based on lowest kudos I’m going to go with that he on dry land loveliest liveth by skyvehicle, Lymond Chronicles, post-Pawn in Frankincense.

6. Most underrated fic you’ve read EVER: God, I don’t know. Again, it would be a small book fandom. You know? Because it deserves it and I love it and it probably is the most underrated fic, if only because it’s in a tiny fandom - In Memoriam by Tedronai, Malazan: Book of the Fallen, I love grief/mourning fic.

7. Favourite whump/angst fic of the year: This was tough since this is the genre I read most of in general, but because I managed to get a lot of fics on here via other categories, I’m choosing Into the earth I trampled it down by deadendtracks, Peaky Blinders, grief/mourning featuring Polly and Tommy. This fic was ouch all around, and beautifully written, and excellently characterized, and just...well, I’m clearly going to be reading everything that deadendtracks writes from here on out.

But I’m also going to slide In Cold Blood by NamelessDragon (MCU, Loki & Bucky, canon divergence AU) on here too, because it just updated and it really is fantastic, and I am so excited for more. It has all my favorite tropes written all over it, and promises some truly excellent whump based on the writer’s history.

8. Favourite hurt/comfort fic of the year: Again, a category with a lot of faves, but I settled on Walked In These Quiet Hazes by ratsats, MCU, AU where Loki comes back from the dead and is majorly fucked up, as is most everyone else. It’s rough, and it’s beautiful. And calling it “hurt/comfort” is probably...well, it takes a while to get to the comfort, I can say that, but it’s worth it.

9. Favourite fluff fic of the year: Did I. Did I read any fluff this year? I suppose some of the Good Omens fic I read probably qualifies, though it doesn’t feel like fluff to me so much as...comedy? Wait, I’ve got one: Love Wounds Me With Soft Pillows by verbaepuchellae, Lymond Chronicles, Francis/Philippa, post-Checkmate.

Oh yes, after I wrote this I found another one: such surpassing brightness by Handful_of_Silence, Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale. Beautifully inventive, and fits into a very specific genre I can’t get enough of.

11. Favourite smut fic of the year: Shockingly, I didn’t read a lot of smut this year. I’m going to go with The Beast That Chose It’s Own Bridle by thespectaclesofthor, Doctrine of Labyrinths, Felix/Murtagh, post-series, (less than) kink negotiation, WIP.

Oh, and also Chains of Gold by Anonymous, Lymond Chronicles, Lymond/Gabriel, hoo boy. My glorious Lymond/Gabriel fic I received for Yuletide. I can’t wait to find out who wrote it so I can lie down on their doorstep and beg for them to write more like this.

10. Favourite gen fic of the year: The Thanos Problem by Ranowa, MCU, post-Ragnarok AU. Okay, this is technically a series, so sue me. I especially liked When the Hammer Falls.

12. Favourite fix-it fic of the year/ever: This might be the hardest one. I read a lot of fix-it fic this year. I wonder why. I’m going with “the year” because otherwise it is just far too overwhelming and I couldn’t choose.

After a lot of debate with myself, and by eliminating other fic by virtue of sliding it into other categories, I settled on two: the only soul I’ve ever saved by valkyrisms, MCU, Loki survives Infinity War fix-it. I overall got pretty quickly annoyed with the genre of Loki-and-Peter Parker fics, but this one was just...so good. The Peter voice was amazing, the working with Loki’s Jotun biology as part of the whump was inspired, it was well written as all of valkyrisms work is, and just...so good.

The other (I told you I was cheating!) is Keep It In Your Sights Now by LuckyDiceKirby, Shades of Magic, Lila/Kell/Holland, fix-it fic. I needed this fic in two ways - the threesome it involves, and the fix-it it involves. Delivered on both.

13. Favourite crack-fic fic of the year: I really don’t read crack-fic anymore.

14. Favourite sick-fic this year: Castaway by ariaadagio, Lucifer, Chloe/Lucifer, is me cheating again because “sick-fic” it is only loosely, but I want to include it because it was very good. Though I think technically I reread it this year. Apparently I didn’t read much sick-fic? Weird.

15. Favourite kid-fic this year: Another thing I don’t read very often, and apparently this year (at least based on my bookmarks) don’t have a rec for.

15. Fic this year which you didn’t expect to love as much as you do: Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm, Good Omens, therapy fic. Okay, so, in premise and everything this did have “me” written all over it. But I certainly didn’t expect to find it, and I definitely didn’t expect it to be as good as it was, right down to making me love an OC (which is rare).

16. Fic which convinced you to ship a pairing: This is cheating because technically it was another fic on this list, but since I wouldn’t ship it without it I’m going to rec As much what it is as what it’s not by deadendtracks, Peaky Blinders, Tommy/Lizzie.

17. Favourite AU you’ve read this year: I slid some of my fix-it fics over here, because canon divergence AUs are my jam and maybe that wasn’t the intent of this question but I don’t care.

After some debate with myself, and rereading several favorites, I’m settling on my fearful trip is done by valkyrisms, MCU, the one where Steve runs into an unexpected child of Thanos in Wakanda. It’s real good, you guys. And yes, this does mean that I’ve put two valkyrisms fics on this list and I’m not sorry.

18. Longest fic/series you’ve read this year: This one’s easy! Eden!verse by ImprobableDreams900, Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale, the first fic in the series made me cry more than anything I’ve read in years.

19. The last fic you’ve read: The last new fic I read, since I reread a bunch of new things on this list while I was sorting through what I was going to choose, was to prove they are not dead by alreadybroken.

20. Wildcard fic you haven’t mentioned but deserves a shout-out + why: I waffled back and forth between two fics and what the hell, you know what, I’m going with both. The first is Miles to Go by josiepug, Peaky Blinders, which satisfied my desperate Tommy whump itch (for a time, it’s back now); the second is Where Is the Power That Made Your Pride? by Drag0nst0rm, The Silmarillion, aka the one where Celegorm lives and things are still bad. Not an AU I knew I wanted, but I guess I’m not surprised.

Bonus Category:

Best horror fic: dark underground//violent sky by bereft_of_frogs, MCU, I can’t tell you more than that because it would spoil it. I love horror fic and I have missed it since leaving Supernatural fandom. This one scratched that itch and I’m still thinking about it. Maybe it’s time for a reread.

As usual, I’m sure I’ve missed/forgotten some faves. I always do.

I...lord, I feel like most of the people I’d usually tag have already been tagged for this? If you’re a mutual of mine and you haven’t been, go for it! I’m always excited to see more recs.

#long post for ts #fic rec #meme

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dream-girls-evil · 4 years ago

Note

Director's Cut: The Damnation Game

Since you refused to narrow this down to any particular component, enjoy the chaos of my thoughts XD

I’m also putting the future chapter stuff under the cut because a) this reply got VERY long, and b) there are technically spoilers--though it’s all just like “this is the general direction of the plot, these relationships are gonna be focused on, these characters will be back,” nothing about specific scenes or plot twists.

Starting with general fic things and the current chapters:

This is probably not really news, but the fic title comes from Lucifer’s line “The damnation game begins in earnest” after Sabrina fails to trap him and has to blow Gabriel’s horn. And the main inspiration for the fic was that happens right after: the Gates of Hell open, and the teens somehow prevent this by adding five more sigils. Which I just thought was kind of a cop out, that just literally five more would make the difference, and that’s when I started thinking about what would happen if it hadn’t worked.

Least favorite part to write? From a technical aspect, the pacing while Sabrina and Lucifer dance was hard to get right, because you’ve got the chanting happening all at the same time, and it’s from Sabrina’s perspective, so she’s trying to pay attention to that and wait for the cue while she’s keeping Lucifer distracted. Emotionally though, definitely the ending of chapter 2 with Lilith and Lucifer. That was awful to write for many reasons. I mean, it’s Lucifer, so there was no getting around it unfortunately, but also I thought it was important at that moment for Sabrina to understand the truth about their relationship. I think one thing the fandom really overlooks a lot of the time is that part of the reason Sabrina makes such cruel comments to Lilith about her choices is because she has no idea how badly she’s been abused. What she knows is the sanitized and heavily romanticized version that we see in the passion play and some obscure comments that she can’t possibly understand the full context of. So in that scene, it was really important to make her understand so that going forward she knows Lilith is also a victim and therefore her ally...although that’s going to be called into doubt a few times. Also, looking back, I’m really not super fond of Lucifer having Lilith’s powers taken away, because really he shouldn’t be able to do that when he didn’t give them to her in the first place. And I’ve found a way to spin it, but I still don’t love that I made that plot choice. I just couldn’t think of any other punishment that he could give her.

Favorite part to write? I know you’re going to hate me for this, but it was probably Zelda’s death. I really did try to find any way out of killing one of them, but once I accepted that there was no way Lucifer would ever let them go, it all just fell in to place. If it came down to her or her sister, of course Hilda would volunteer, and of course Lucifer would choose Zelda just to be cruel. The pacing was perfect and everyone was shocked and I am very proud of having surprised you all.

Future chapters:

There’s...a long way to go. I stalled out for an incredibly long time on the world building, because trying to imagine Hell on Earth, the way the courts and demons work, the way things in Greendale would change, it’s just a lot, and it comes up very quickly. There’s pretty much one major plot for each setting, and they’ve both already been introduced. The third chapter is actually going to pick up three days after the coronation and we’ll see how everyone’s been faring. Things in Greendale are going to continue to revolve around everyone trying to survive in this new reality--Sabrina has to learn how to be queen and appease Lucifer as best as she can while not doing anything completely horrible; Lilith is in a very rough place and having to play a lot of roles; Hilda and Zelda are trying to take care of the coven after Blackwood’s poisoning; and the teens are desperate for action and will make some pretty stupid moves because of it. I should probably do something with the Kinkles and their witch-hunter ancestry but I’m not sure what.

Zelda gets to shine a little and use her acting/diplomacy skills to get everyone out of a bad situation and also kick off the other main part of the plot, which is that some of our characters will finally venture out of Greendale! And of course there’s a cover story for this, but the real reason is so that they can look for the Spear of Longinus, just like Zelda suggested back in chapter 1. That’s pretty much the big play that they’re hoping to make, but of course, the chances of finding all the pieces are very slim and in any case could take who knows how long? So we will get to see them travel to all these different places looking and also get a look at what the apocalypse really means, as well as hopefully meet some other characters on the way.

Other character stuff? Lilith and Sabrina’s relationship is definitely one of the big focuses in this fic. They’re very isolated from everyone else and kind of all each other has to depend on, and being trapped with Lucifer, it is going to take on a very similar dynamic to a family where the father is abusing the mother. Speaking of mothers, Zelda and Prudence also get some scenes together that I’m really looking forward to. Lilith, Zelda, and Hilda all also work together a lot and really become the ones coordinating all of these plans, but of course there is still a lot of tension because the sisters aren’t totally sure they can trust Lilith even if they sympathize with her, and Lilith is convinced that they only care about her because she’s their connection to Sabrina. So that’s SAD. And I really, really want to explore the parallels between Zelda and Lilith and the things they’ve endured for a chance at power. They both really have this mentality that they have to be strong and not show any weakness to anyone, but also they’ve been through terrible abuse and are going to notice those signs in each other. Hilda, too, is definitely going to realize when Lilith is worse than she says she is, because she’s seen Zelda act the same way. So their alliance will have some interesting dynamics as they try to take care of themselves and each other and shoulder this huge responsibility of keeping everyone else alive.

Um, Mary and Blackwood will both be back, but not for a while. I’m very excited for Mary to come back because I really want to lean into her knowledge of the occult and the town history and everything to help the witches. I haven’t decided yet if Marie or the hedge witches or the pagans will show up. I think they very likely could at least in passing as our group searches for the spear, but working them into the larger plot is like, okay, even those who are interested in helping, they’re going to have to decide whether they can be of any use on this quest and if they can, are they willing to leave the people they’re protecting to go on what very well might be a wild goose chase? Caliban I also haven’t decided on. I think it could be kind of interesting/funny to see him trying to court Sabrina and Lucifer’s reaction to that, but I can also take an easy out and say he’s somewhere wreaking havoc over whatever corner of the world he’s claimed. There will also be at least one original character of mine who comes into play, and probably sooner than later, but I’m still fleshing her out.

#tam this answer was LITERALLY the length of a chapter #i hope you're happy #tomorrownevercame #the damnation game (tomorrownevercame)#the damnation game

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wordstrings · 5 years ago

Text

Soft Spots for a Fiend

written and submitted by goo!anon:

[[ A/N: Hello! I’m fairly new with writing these certain type of fics, but I sure did try my best! I’ve been inspired by @wordstrings for a while and the most current Good Omens piece urged me to be creative. I’ve decided to create something of my own, this little fic right here. Thank you <3 ─ goo!anon]]

Wordcount: 1,731

[Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley]

─

E♭ D D ─ E♭ D D ─ E♭ D D …

The very beginning of Mozart’s Symphony #40 in G Minor, K 550. Who could fail to recognize the tune? It was a rather ingenious piece, to say the least, especially for its time period; and yet, most people seem to recall The Magic Flute in a more fond manner.

T’was a pity that this particular work playing in the bookstore was being so rudely howled over by a certain bleach blonde angel. Completely under the mercy and overzealous expression of his best friend, Aziraphale’s panicked and forced grin spread painfully from cheek to cheek.

“My word angel, you’ve gone and flushed that little face of yours,” a voice purred out from above the angel. “You’ve got to admit, you did tempt me with how coy you can be. Don’t take me for a fool, love. I won’t turn down the chance to exploit a weakness.”

Crowley seemingly held nothing but pure schadenfreude in his heart for his opposite, as this was quite the predicament he had gotten himself into. Under the body of a full grown man with ridiculously powerful legs just to keep one little angel from slipping away. Still, one could say it was all in good fun; it was clear the angel was enjoying himself - otherwise, he would’ve demanded Crowley to stop. Not to say that he would stop, but that’s beside the point.

While the demon’s spiel allowed Aziraphale some reprieve from the torture he had briefly been exposed to, the hands latched tightly around his sides still reminded him of the situation at hand. He will be tickled and it will suck … That’s what his human senses told him anyways.

“Y-you cannot be serious, Crowley. You sincerely let my joke about your potential “goodness” push you over the edge like this? This is a personal attack - I just poked a bit of fun at you and in turn, you literally poked ME instead! I promise, you’re not a soft demon, and you’re not a good pers-”

The swift movement of pinching and prodding fingers traveling rapidly up and down his sides cut him off abruptly, leaving Aziraphale to shriek out his remaining breath. Twisting and contorting under the firm hold of the demon, his laughter had spiked in volume as devilish fingers worked their way up into the angel’s pitifully defended underarms.

“What a keen observation, Aziraphale. Perhaps you can file that memo of yours into a safe place and call upon it for moments like these. Now, tell me . . Would a good person ever do this?” Crowley punctuated by firmly drilling his trapped thumbs into the other’s armpits.

Tossing his head back against the carpet both of them had been “wrestling” on, Aziraphale’s wide open grin allowed full-bodied laughter to spill past his straining vocal cords. Arching backward to try and release himself from the unforgiving grip of Crowley’s legs, his boisterous laughter had gained a frantic edge to it.

“P-plehehease! C-Crowley I d-dohon’t knohow if I cahan take thiiIIIIIS ANYMORE!” Aziraphale cackled, which was a direct result of the demon picking up speed in the abuse of the weakened angel’s armpits. While time spent together had been fun after the impending Armageddon business was settled, Aziraphale would never have imagined that this would be included in the “get-together(s)” package.

“Oh puh-lease, angel. Spare me the utter drama and take it like the little soldier you’re supposed to be. Don’t tell me your undoing will be from a little tickling?”

“N-nohoHOHObodY CAHAHAAN Behe S-SUHUHURE,” The blonde sputtered out, clearly discombobulated by the devious and seemingly endless onslaught of his underarms and upper ribs. “WHAahaAhT if I doOHO COME unDOHONE?”

Clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, Crowley finally slipped his hands free from the angel’s pits, earning a relieved gasp for oxygen that he most likely didn’t need ─ Human-ish bodies are needy, you know?

“My goodness, “ Aziraphale huffed and reached up to wipe the sweat that had beaded over his forehead. “You didn’t have to torture me like that, nevermind violate such a susceptible and defenseless area!”

“Oi, quit your whinin’, angel. My kind isn’t supposed to lighten the blows of attacks - we go straight for the kill. If my ‘kindness’ eludes me, you’d better be grateful that I stopped.” Crowley playfully sneered, attempting to free the angel beneath him by slightly shuffling backward, but still careful to keep the blonde on the ground.

“Lighten the blows? Your kindness? That’s what you call kindness? Tickling a man half to tears? I’d surely teach you a real lesson in kindness before I believe a single word of that childish description of your blackened morality.”

As soon as Aziraphale finished the jab at his friend, Crowley’s sneer dropped into something initially distressing. He deadpanned. Almost frowned. His expression was near impossible to read completely with those damn glasses in the way. Aziraphale paused in his efforts to escape, afraid he might have actually damaged his best friend’s feelings.

Almost reaching a hesitant hand out to the demon, Aziraphale’s brows furrowed in compassion and concern. “Crowley, are you alright? I apologize if that was too harsh, but I thought you weren’t one for being g- “

In an instant, the red-headed demon quickly grasped Aziraphale’s hand and pulled him forward, enveloping the angel into a ridiculously tight bear hug. At first, he thought the action to be rather loving and sweet, but positivity soon drowned into impending fear when he felt Crowley’s hands ever-so-slightly twitch in the middle of his back where the mantle of his wings would be.

Letting out a genuine gasp of horror, the angel quickly realized the situation he was coaxed into. That sly bastard played with his emotions and now he was going to pay. Dearly.

“My dear little angel Zira,” Crowley practically hissed the nickname into Aziraphale’s ear, causing his face to burst into brilliant shades of red. “I’m afraid you’ve made a grave error in your decision here. My graciousness and mercy are so rare these days, don’t you think? How unfortunate of you to take that for granted.”

Aziraphale could perfectly hear his friend in the ear he sweetly mumbled into, but the pounding of his heart just seemed all too loud and booming to properly process what was going to happen to him.

“I-I didn’t mean to -” Aziraphale choked.

“Ooh, of course, you didn’t mean to slip past your last chance at freedom! Still, I must admit it’s pretty ballsy of you to accept your fate with ‘open arms’ so to speak, eh?”

Crowley pressed his grin against the blistering hot skin of the angel’s neck, causing Aziraphale to suppress a surprised chuckle at the unexpected cold sensation. The demon spoke up, seemingly for the last time before all hell broke loose.

“Little angel .. I’m afraid even God can’t help you here.”

Before Aziraphale could even get a word in edgewise, familiar demonic fingers vibrated and kneaded into the base of his wings in a way that shouldn’t have been cosmically legal. Shrieking, the angel laughed himself into self-induced hysteria. It was all too fast, too sudden, and too much. In a failed attempt to free himself, Aziraphale wrapped himself tighter into the hug he was trapped in out of sheer panic.

The attack on his wings seemed to go on for ages, especially when his physical wings managed to make a sudden appearance from the unexpected foreign touch. Nothing but prying fingers at the base of his wings, torturing the smaller, new feathers. Nothing but the scratching of his sensitive skin underneath the thick fluff of downy feathers.

Nothing but the seemingly eternal torment at the hands of his hellish comrade.

─

Surprisingly, it eventually did come to a stop; something that the angel was deeply grateful for. As soon as Aziraphale screamed into the throes of ongoing silent laughter and tears, Crowley took it upon himself to grant his friend official mercy.

Crowley had been holding onto Aziraphale for the remainder of his cool-down, unsure if he should even part with him so soon after what he put his friend through. Sitting in silence (albeit the sound of Aziraphale catching his breath and relaxing was evident), Crowley reluctantly pulled away from the pleasantly teary-eyed angel, leaning back on his palms properly drink in the sight of his incapacitated angel. Miraculously enough, both beings practically beamed at each other, aside from Crowley’s goofy smirk.

“Good Lord, you’ve proven your point. You’d put Lucifer and his awful deeds to shame if all of Heaven knew what you just did to me.” Aziraphale muttered dramatically, rolling his eyes and wiping away the tears of mirth that remained on his face.

“I’m glad we’ve come to a proper agreement now. I’m a damn good demon and rightfully so - one willing enough to tug on the wings of an angel.” Crowley stated, puffing his chest out in a show of victory and superiority.

A firm push was bestowed upon the redhead, followed by a raspy chuckle from the man that delivered it. “Very well then, Crowley. I will admit, you’re a . . damn good demon indeed, tormenting me like that. Perhaps you can use this victory over an angel as something to tell your Head Department after they come looking for you in a few centuries?” Aziraphale mocked, standing up straight to properly brush himself off and fix the lapels of his coat jacket.

“We both know how you tend to stretch the truth, so why not entertain them with your ventures.” The angel spoke in a smug manner, but not hesitating to hold out a hand to assist his partner. “Who knows? Maybe you can call them about it tonight to get a good word in for yourself too. We can discuss it over dinner, my treat.”

Crowley was about to get up from the floor, but hesitated at the sight of the angel’s outstretched palm. “ . . You’re too good to me, angel.” He reached out and firmly held on to his hand, lifting himself off of the carpeted flooring and guiding Aziraphale to the door once he was planted on his feet.

“Far too good for me.“ Crowley smiled warmly at the angel, taking him up on the offer for a free meal he probably wouldn’t even eat. "You’d think I was a fool to resist such temptation.”

—

Publisher’s note: aaaaAAAAAAAA I love this so much! I’m always a sucker for hysteria-inducing wingpit tickles. ;)

#submission #tickling #author goo!anon #ticklish!Aziraphale #ler!Crowley #Good Omens #Ineffable Husbands #Crowley #Aziraphale #Soft Spots for a Fiend #tickle fic #wingfic

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ughthatimagineblog · 6 years ago

Text

sins of the earth

lucifer morningstar x reader | i

warnings; mentions of murder, death?, drinking, lots of drinking, weird past stuff, nothing too bad, if you’re able to watch the show without any triggers then you should be good

word count; 1735

prompt; your entire life you believed in the paranormal, you grew up christian but something pulled inside of you to believe there was more and for so long you wanted to find it. but when life hits you hard and you lose faith, you come to the conclusion that reality is as everyone said it was, boring and most things are a lie. and you believe this new ‘truth’ until a man claiming hes the devil comes into your life and threatens to make you relearn everything you thought you knew. again.

a/n; this is gonna be a series since i started watching lucifer and im not even into the second season and i already want tom ellis to impregnate me (if he happens to ever read that; i am sorry) anyways i literally shit this out on the first night of 2019. i just had a sentence in mind and then i ran with that and made a prompt out of it. that was my inspiration. a real life problem plus a sentence i thought i might say one day made this fic. anyways, i hope this is pretty good. it will get better. honestly im lowkey proud of this one tho. unedited but i think this has been some of my best writing. to those who have requested stuff i haven’t made: im sorry im depressed.

Your fist slammed onto the bar harder than you were expecting, or wanting, it to. You mumbled your request for whatever number of drink this was for the night and immediately began to rub the soreness of your ulnar border away while the bartender went to work in making your drink.

The club was pounding with noise and shaking with bodies and it was humorous to think it matched the pounding of your head. You knew you should stop. But it was your birthday and you were spending it alone, miles from home, and freshly heartbroken. You didn’t care you had a headache and the drinking would make it worse. In fact, you came to this nightclub in hopes that you would drink so much it would make it better.

Drink until you couldn’t feel anything at all. You already made arrangements for a cab to pick you up at one a.m and instructed a female bartender to remind you, even tipping her generously to go as far as walk you out when it arrived.

Her name started with an M. Or was it an N? You weren’t entirely sure and you groaned, beginning to stand up as the man behind the bar passed you your drink. In doing so, you felt the rush of your previous drinks all at once. The room was dizzy and you felt light and unstable but also very tired.

Remembering the time when alcohol made you bubbly and carefree and happy made you horribly sad now. In actuality you were sad. Your entire life had been working towards a half assed dream you thought would make you happy. When you got the job of that half assed dream you packed your things and left everything you’d once known behind, including family. They don’t visit because they don’t have the money too. And thinking of family, you didn’t even pick a career you would have been fantastic in because you wanted a family yourself. You let children ruin your life before you even had any. Children or a life. The person you thought you’d marry turned out to be a complete asshole and you’d had enough. Dreams and spirit crushed, you, at this moment accepted your fate. Die alone. Be bitter.

But that wasn’t it. There was a war going on inside you that told you to give up but another didn’t. A side that told you you weren’t strong enough but another that reminded you of how strong your mother was. A side that told you your past self would frown and cry at the sight of you now, but the other; that your past self would tell you it’s okay to get up and make the best of things.

The thoughts that rushed your mind spilled onto your cheeks and you gulped down the drink you just ordered, hearing your grandmother’s voice in the back of your mind. “Remember to sip. Don’t gulp.” She would tell you when she was teaching you to ‘properly drink’. You scoffed out loud, giving the bartender enough money to last the night. He passed you the bottle. “Yeah well you’re not here, are you, grandma?” You muttered to yourself before taking a long swig.

“I feel like if she would be, she’d have a heart attack in this bloody place.” A suave voice cut through the music and chatter. Surprised, you coughed, spilling a bit on your shirt. “Jesus Christ.” You managed to get out. “Quite the opposite actually,” You turned to find a man who embodied the phrase ‘tall, dark, and handsome’. His raven eyes raked you and your body shamelessly. “Lucifer Morningstar.”

You openly rolled your eyes. It was a gut reaction but since you couldn’t feel your nose if you tried to itch it at this point in the night, you couldn't quite control your reactions at the moment. “You couldn’t have chosen a better name than that?” You asked, your face plastered with a look of disdain and disgust. Lucifer looked taken aback but nonetheless, didn’t drop the haughty facade.

“I didn’t choose the name.” He stated, you laughed a little. “Oh yeah? Then who did? Nameberry dot com?” You took another swig of the bottle. “My father actually, though I would like to meet this Nameberry person.” He smiled and you peered up at him through narrowed eyes. You gave him a once over. A twice over. Then finally, “It’s a website, but no, really, who are you?” You asked. “I’m the devil. Lucifer Morningstar. If you don’t believe me I have ways of proving it.” You rolled your eyes at this.

“Not my religion.”

“You’re not a believer?” He inquired. Understanding he meant the Christian kind, you shook your head. “Not anymore.”

“So you don’t believe in hell?” He asked and it earned him an odd look. Such odd questions from a weirdly unique stranger.

“If I did, that would juxtapose what I just said, wouldn’t it? I used to. Now I don’t really care where I go.” You were growing bored of this man. It was clear that he had an ego the size of Russia and based on the look of him that was because he hadn’t ever had a girl say ‘no’ to him before. This ‘Lucifer Morningstar’ was in for a rude awakening.

Meanwhile, he was growing more and more interested in you. “Ah, no desire to end up anywhere in the afterlife? I’m sure you have some desires here, don’t you?” He asked, voice getting smoother, tone dropped just enough to ring some red alarms in your head. This time, you were able to hid the grin.

You put on a dazed look, nonchalantly setting your bottle aside as you stepped closer to Lucifer. You ran a hand over his chest and watched as his damning smile grew in amusement. “Actually, my strongest desire. . .” You trailed off and gave him a once over once more. Lucifer could barely contain his excitement. “Is for you to stop asking me these weird fucking questions and leave me alone.” Your voice transitioned from sultry to bored so smoothly you thought your tongue was made of silk. Lucifer didn’t even realize what had happened until the fake smile dropped from your lips and you stepped away.

“Wait, what?”

“You heard me, Lucifer Morningstar.” You mocked his name, turning from him fully and you began to walk away, grabbing your bottle on the way out. The conversation with him was both sobering and a great way to intensify your headache.

Lucifer felt frozen where he stood as he watched you walk away. You had been playing him. His, well, charm didn’t work on you. It was all jarring and exciting and concerning and exhilarating for him. Finally, he snapped out of his daze as you mocked his name.

“Wait!” He called after you, reaching for your arm and turning you around. You yanked free of his touch. “Don’t touch me, creep.” You spat back at him. That flicker of annoyance. If he were mortal, he realized, that would have hurt. This confused him more.

“I’m not a creep, i’m the devil!” He exclaimed back at you. “Would you quit with that?” You nearly were yelling now. “You’re human! Just like that guy and just like me. If you’re so convinced you’re not, you need to see a shrink. There is no such thing as fairy tales.” You shoved a business card you had been digging around for into his chest.

Lucifer scoffed as he felt the small weight of your hands against your chest again, if only for a moment. “But I’m not-“ He started but you glared at him.

“I did not come here for this. It’s one in the morning, my taxi is here.” You noticed the girl you tipped earlier already on her way to come get you from across the room. “You wore off my drunk. I’ll be chugging this in the rest of the car, wishing I had went to a different bar for my birthday. Oh, and I won’t be coming back. Not if you’re here.” You huffed out right as the girl who’s name you forgot approached you and she began to lead you out as promised.

You shocked yourself just then. You had promised yourself to be more honest and that was the first time you really had. You had spent most of your life, even adult life, thinking demons and fairies and ghosts and ghouls and goblins were real. But you got the help you needed and now you didn’t so when that guy began to talk about being Lucifer and Satan and the devil, it scared you. But you meant what you said. That guy was insane and if he went to that club, you weren’t coming back. You supposed some of his questions were casual, but something about him felt, off.

Your birthday. Whoever you were. Lucifer was still clutching the business card in his hands, still hovering above where his heart would be as he watched you leave. You were different. You didn’t believe him. You didn’t care to. You thought he was clinically insane, like a murderer who thought he was God, or well, the devil. You didn’t say it but he saw it in your eyes. Not that you were afraid of him, but you knew he was different and you couldn’t tell what.

But that’s the thing, if he thought about it, is that you knew what he was. And you weren’t afraid but instead your automatic response was to get him help. Not that you knew what he really was, but a part of you recognized it even without your conscious knowing. Your consciousness just didn’t want to know.

It felt like hours before he pulled his hands from his chest and gazed down at the numbers on the paper. Tonight was a night, well morning, was a morning of firsts apparently, because for the first time, Lucifer called later that day and made an appointment with the shrink you recommended. You promised you wouldn’t come back to that club, but he wasn’t ready to let go of you just yet.

He chuckled to himself at his plan. Yes, it did sound as though was was a murderer. Insane and obsessive. But he was in fact the devil, and there are no consequences for the sins of the Earth.

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misskittyspuffy · 6 years ago

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The Only Thing We Have Left

Destiel ficlet (Endverse, 5x04 - Missing scene)

Notes : Many thanks to @haiironoaki for the help/beta reading <3

This is a translation of one of my french fanfictions : "The Only Thing We Have Left" (yup, same title). The inspiration for this ficlet comes from the shooting script of The End. In the car scene, 2014!Cas was supposed to say this :

"The only thing that I think we have left, Dean and me, is each other. (unadorned sincerity) If Dean says it’s time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it. I’m in. But then… (smiles easily at Dean) That’s just how I roll."

These beautiful lines were deleted, so I wanted to write a fic in which they were included.

The night had fallen when Dean decided to get out of the cabin of the future version of himself. He had been going round in circles for a few hours, after the meeting with the crew in which an offensive against Lucifer had been decided. Everybody had to get ready to leave in the middle of the night. Shortly after the reunion, future Dean had left him alone in his cabin, without further consideration. Not a word, not even a look.

What a dick he had become…

Knowing himself, he was pretty sure future Dean wallowed in some random woman’s bed he knew there would be no future with.

Once he was outside, he took a deep breath and was surprised by how peaceful the camp seemed to be at the moment. He saw a group of people pass by him, obviously drunk.

His steps instinctively led him to Cas’ cabin, who was by far the only person whose presence he enjoyed. Especially more than his own future self’s presence.

The cabin was quiet when Dean entered, but the luminosity led him to believe that its occupant was there.

“Cas?” he asked, looking around.

He didn’t get any answer and after a few seconds, he went in the direction of the bedroom. A dim light was escaping from the half-opened door.

“Cas?”

He suddenly got scared of what he might find in it, and hoped he wasn’t going to surprise the former angel in an orgiastic activity. But it was too late for second thoughts, as he was opening the door.

His eyes took some time to adjust to the darkness of the room, and went wide open in shock when he finally succeed to see what had happened. From all the scenarios his mind had briefly considered, this one was not even in the list.

Cas and the other version of himself’s bodies were entangled, apparently naked under the sheets. They had fallen asleep, and an empty bottle of Whisky was carelessly thrown on the floor, next to the bed.

“What the fuck,” he finally said in a shocked voice.

He realized he had spoken too loudly when he saw Cas open his eyes and take some time to wake up and process that past Dean was in the room.

“Oh. Hey, Dean,” the former angel said in a lazy voice, smiling at the Winchester.

Cas looked at the other Dean, and noted that he was still deeply asleep. He very carefully got out of the bed, and after putting on some clothes, he joined the past version of Dean who was now back in the main room of the cabin, walking back and forth. He had a hand against his mouth, as if he was trying to convince himself that the situation was real.

“What was that?!” Dean asked after Cas closed the door behind him.

Taking the time to emerge from his sleep, Cas stretched his whole body before answering in a very relaxed voice. “What? The fact that we’re sleeping together?” He looked at the bedroom’s door. “You’re a very passionate lover,” he answered in a lazy smile.

Dean was holding his face. “So what, we’re together now?”

Cas shrugged. “Define ‘together’. We’re not very much into labels.”

“Shit Cas, how… ?” he said in an incredulous voice.

“How did we get to that point?” Cas continued, obviously indifferent to Dean’s disturbance.

“Sex, feelings… In an apocalyptic world, you end up understanding that you got no time for hesitations and questions. If you want something, you just go after it. Turns out Dean and I wanted each other.”

The Winchester seemed to be uncomfortable, failing to match the nonchalance of his interlocutor. Lots of confused feelings were going through him at the moment, and he didn’t know what to think anymore.

“You know, we might have some affairs, here and there, but…” Cas stopped for a second, looking at the closed door of his bedroom again. The expression on his face became contemplative, and a deep melancholy could be read into his eyes. “There’s a real loyalty between us. The only thing we have left, Dean and me, is each other.”

An expression of realization appeared on Dean’s face. For a moment, he seemed to understand. Cas hanged his head, his tone was darker than what Dean was used to.

“If Dean says it’s time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it. I’m in. But then…”

He smiled easily and his gaze met the Winchester’s eyes again.

“… that’s just how I roll.”

#Destiel #Destiel fics #Destiel ficlets #My fanfictions #SPN 5x04 #The End #Endverse #Supernatural

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tarysande · 6 years ago

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Fanfic writers’ appreciation day

Fanfiction has been a part of my life as long as I remember. Of course, in the beginning, I had no idea what fanfiction was. I was a kid in the 80s, long before the internet--or even household computers!--was a thing. The fanfiction I wrote---or, more accurately, created---involved expanding scenes from favorite films, like Star Wars (the original ones!), or The Last Unicorn, or Flight of Dragons. I’m pretty sure I envisaged a nobody-dies AU of Ringing Bell. I nearly put an eye out (and have the scar to prove it) enacting ‘fanfiction’ scenes of Astroboy. In the fifth grade, a teacher had us write a final chapter of the book Pit Pony. In Jr. High, Dragonlance took over my life. I don’t know that I wrote fic, but I certainly wrote copycat fiction---and because I enticed all my friends into obsessing over the series, too, I got my first real taste of what I now know fandom is. In high school, I wrote, produced, directed, and starred in a short, live-action Sailor Moon film for my senior acting class. I literally have had a lifetime of fanfictionesque dreams.

Around the same time, the internet exploded. I had a Sailor Moon shrine site. I know I wrote and posted two fics but have no idea where I posted them or what they were about.

When I was 18 or 19, The X-Files Movie came out. I hadn’t watched the show before that, but I went kinda zero-to-sixty after the film. Watched all the seasons, learned all the lore, hyperfixated like nobody’s business ... and started writing fic. Posting it on newsgroups and the like. I was lucky enough to fall in with a group of great writers. I’m still friends with a ton of those people. They taught me a lot and encouraged beta reading ... and this formative experience was, to be honest, no small part of how I eventually became a professional editor. I remember thinking some of them were SO OLD ... and now I am older than they were and I realize there’s no expiry date on loving something enough to devote your time and energy to it.

I remember writing one fic and, as I wrote it, I thought this is the last one. It was. For a long time. It was certainly the last of the XF fic, even though I stayed in touch with my friends. I moved on and read a lot. Dozens and dozens of fics. Hundreds of hours of free entertainment. I read Buffy fic, Harry Potter fic, Veronica Mars fic. I didn’t comment nearly enough, which I regret. I didn’t keep lists of bookmarks, which I regret.

Even when I couldn’t write---for a lot of reasons---fanfiction was part of my life.

In 2009, my brother insisted I should play the game Dragon Age: Origins. I played the whole thing twice through in two weeks. I loved it. I really loved it. And ... I wanted to fix it. Just a little. I loved it but. Alistair and my Cousland needed to have a couple of conversations because the game hadn’t let me. So I wrote them.

The rest, as they say, is history. (Just so you know? I haven’t heard that little voice saying this is the last one yet. Not for Dragon Age or Mass Effect or Lucifer.)

Fandom has been wirth me through multiple international moves. It’s helped me through some dark times. It’s encouraged me when I was in some dark places. I’ve made friends. Really good friends. Hell, I’ve made friends I consider family. I’ve regained confidence I thought I’d lost forever. People have been so ridiculouly and wonderfully over-the-top kind and generous to me. Never in a million years could I have imagined any of this, back when I was a kid playing The Last Unicorn with a pencil taped to her forehead, already armed with the unshakeable dream of being a writer one day.

All I have ever wanted to do is share stories, and help others share theirs, too. So, on fanfiction writers’ appreciation day, I am grateful for everyone who has ever told me a story that made me laugh, cry, think, giggle, gasp aloud, or clutch my heart with love or grief. I am grateful for everyone who pushes the ‘Publish’ button; I know how hard it is and you are so, so brave. I am grateful for every story that makes me sick with envy that I didn’t think of it first. I am grateful for every reader out there---the visible and the lurking. I am grateful for everyone who has inspired me and humbled beyond belief any time anyone tells me I’ve inspired them.

Fanfic writers, thank you for being creative and brave and dedicated and brilliant and generous with your time and energy. Thank you for sharing your stories, as only you can. It’s such a gift. Such an incomparable treasure of a gift.

Without fanfic, the fabric of my life would have been woven in a completely different pattern. I’m glad I never have to know what that fabric would’ve looked like. <3

#tara talks personal stuff #on fanfiction #on fandom #fanfiction writer's appreciation day

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yourfandomfriend · 6 years ago

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SPN Fic Inspo

Maybe this is just me liking the sound of my own voice, but I’ve been writing my infrequently updated SPN fic, Concordat, for over five years now and outside of my bestie, I’ve never got to talk about the inspiration behind it or anything like that. So here I go a-doing that.

Why not? It’s my blog and I love extras. Maybe it’s an insight into my process? Maybe we can all talk to each other about inspiration? Or maybe I’ve just been dying to scream my secrets into the wind? YOU CAN BE THAT WIND.

What If?

The sane part is, I wrote a shorter fic preceding it, set during “Swan Song” where Bobby prepares for the possible eventuality of Sam and Dean dying at Stull and Cas faces the possibility of having to live as a mortal. I had Crowley stop by for just one chapter to mwah-ha-ha at them (the first time I’d ever written for him, an experience that actually made him my favorite character).

And I had to wonder: if Cas didn’t get his powers back, who would Crowley have gone to with his Purgatory plan? And what would become of Cas and Bobby? The whole thing took off from there.

Inferno

But that’s not the fun part. To me, the fun part is where I totally ripped off Darkwing Duck.

See, there’s this grim, hilarious episode I saw as a kid called “Dead Duck” where DW chases a villain on his motorcycle without putting on a helmet and crashes head-first into a brick wall. Spoiler alert, he lives through it, but he dreams he died. And in the world where he’s dead, the villain everyone thinks killed him, Megavolt, became super-famous and a popular talk show host.

Pretty dark for a children’s cartoon, right?

But what got me was that dying, watching his loved ones grieve him, getting chased by the literal Grim Reaper, and leaving his world to the mercy of a homicidal maniac didn’t upset him nearly as much as finding out that the bad guy became more famous than him.

For real, his headstone is a polaroid taped to a road pylon.

In case you're wondering, this is where I got my sense of humor from. So, yeah, I thought it would be hilarious to put Sam and Dean through the same thing and see which one of them got more pissed off. To my surprise, it was Sam.

Greek Chorus

In a few chapters, I showcase a turd gallery of minions, all of them originals... but two of them were not quite whole cloth. PA demons, Shipley & Lydecker.

The latter, Thomas Lydecker, died of heart attack in London in the swinging 60s and went straight to Hell. As a demon, he's a jaded, cowardly, hedonist (with hidden depths) who’s worked for Balthazar since Inferno started.

The former, Fred Shipley, is a remarkably heroic demon. Once a Manhatten cop with a conscience, he sold his soul to help a lady who tricked the shit out of him and his contract came up in the 1970s. Sent fresh from The Pit to be Crowley’s latest assistant (he goes through them like tissues).

Together, they provide exposition and comedy relief for the reader, since Shipley is a rooky who needs everything explained to him and Lydecker can’t take anything seriously. And they were inspired by these two cuties.

Monty Pippin and Eddie Arlette, two police detectives in a one-season-wonder TV show from the noughties called Keen Eddie. The show started as a knock-off of blingy Guy Richie crap but was really ramping up to be a show about saving souls. I missed Eddie and Monty, so I sent them to Hell. Is that weird?

Samandriel

This one’s a little controversial. There’s a point in my fic where I think a lot of fans stop reading -- the death of Heaven’s cutest angel, Samandriel. The thing is never intended to kill him, but when I was doing research on him to get the voice, my hindsight kicked in and I finally realized who S’mandy really was, underneath the cute vessel. If Balthazar read Samandriel’s mind, then what he saw would make him want to kill him.

Brother Stuff

Can’t tell a story with the Winchesters without angst. The fic is set in the middle of season 8 because that’s when I started writing the outline, and while I don’t specifically have the boys fight about their season’s issues, it went a long way to coloring how they took the other timeline.

Sam loves it, and goes from being a mopey boy to a fluffy, sunny boy so fast, you know it’s not normal. The thing is, Sam was feeling mighty guitly about everything that happened with him quitting after season 7, and this new timeline was one where he died a hero. His friends are alive, Cas never went crazy, Michael and Lucifer are dead, and no Dick Roman. It’s awesome! But in order to save that timeline, Sam and Dean would have to destroy their own, with them in it. And part of Sam is actually considering it, such is his guilt...

Meanwhile, Dean hates the place because, well, it’s doing so well without the Winchesters. Friends are alive and happy, there’s a Keurig, etc. His instinct is to defend the timeline that he and his brother are from, to favor it, not only because he wants them to survive but because he wants to believe they’ve changed the world for the better. But if everything is better in that other world? He feels like it’s their fault things got so screwed up in his world. Angst!

Crowlthazar

While most shippy fics start with the pairing and work backward, this was another thing I didn’t see coming. I knew Crowley would team up with Balthazar -- he needed an angel if he was gonna go up against Raphael. But while Crowley stuck to the plot outline, Balthazar wouldn’t. He kept derailing things by palling around with Crowley, in ways that weren’t super platonic, and he wouldn’t let me finish a chapter until I let him do it.

The problem with that is, if anyone gives Crowley sympathy and helps him work through his issues, he loses his motivation to king things. “Blade Runners” is an entire episode dedicated to the theory that if Crowley is allowed to feel his feels, he’ll get super horny and abandon his plans.

I tried all sorts of things to keep Crowley and Balthazar apart, to no avail. Finally, I gave in and, surprise surprise, it turned into love, or as close as those two weasels could get. Their motive to follow the plan was reinvigorated -- they wanted to defend what they’d found, Crowley especially.

If you post an spn fic inspo of your own, tag me in that biz!

#fic thingy #long post #pompous windbaggery

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thing-you-do-with-that-thing · 7 years ago

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He Should Be Here

Characters: Y/N, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Sammy Winchester (no I am not stuttering!), Lisa Braeden (mentioned), Ben Braeden (mentioned), Chuck (mentioned) Lucifer (mentioned), Michael (mentioned)

Pairing: Sam x Reader, Dean x Lisa

Warnings: Character death (only as in canon), nothing much else I think.

Word Count: 1600ish

A/N: Hey guys welcome to SPN Angst Appreciation Day 2017 - I hope y’all are ready to cry. As one of your hosts I thought it was my duty to do my best to make sure you go to bed with puffy eyes tonight so I am posting 3 brand new one shots in honor of this day. This is number 1

I have been wanting to write this fic for the longest of times - I hope you guys will enjoy it. It is heavily inspired by You Should Be Here by Cole Swindell

Thanks to @blacktithe7 for being a sweetie and betaing this for me

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

It was Tuesday, and just like any other Tuesday, you had gone to the park. You sat on the bench watching the kids play as you gently rocked the stroller with your sleeping baby boy inside it.

You didn’t come here for your son though. You came for you. You had been ever since the moment you had found out you were pregnant. It had been a Tuesday too, and a beautiful day just like today. You had called the only person you could think to call, even if you had vowed to each other only 3 weeks ago to go your separate ways and start over. Given your condition, that promise hadn’t lasted long, and this park had not only become your place to dream, it had become your meeting ground. It had become your only connection to the father of your child.

“Hey, how’s little Sammy doing?” his voice sounded behind you, and you looked up to see the tall, broad ex-hunter standing above your stroller, smiling softly at your sleeping son .

“Growing like weed,” you answered, making Dean chuckle as you raised from your seat to let him hug you.

“He lives up to his name then,” Dean spoke softly, giving you an extra squeeze before releasing you and sitting down beside you on the bench.

You just sat there quietly beside each other. Dean and you were the same. You never liked talking about how you felt, and doing so now even if you knew you both needed it was next to impossible. You loved Dean like an older brother and you knew he loved you like the sister he never wanted, but whenever you were together you felt the loss even more strongly than when you were alone, even after baby Sam was born.

You could barely remember a time you had been alone with Dean for more than a few hours before… You couldn’t think about it. Sam saved the world. He sacrificed himself, and he saved the world. You knew you shouldn’t be angry at him, but you were. He jumped into the cage, pulling Lucifer and Michael with him, and he left you. He left you alone, grieving and pregnant with his child. He hadn’t known of course, not that you were sure him knowing would have made a difference. This was who those two boys were. Self sacrificing, flannel wearing, morons, that never realized just how loved they were or how much they were needed. You had screamed at Dean for it until you were hoarse, but the truth was, he wasn’t the one you wanted to scream at. You weren’t even sure you wanted to scream at Sam. You wanted to wring God’s neck for not stepping in. You wanted to make someone pay for how unfair it all ways.

Sam should have been here when you were pregnant. Instead, you got daily phone calls from his brother and pregnancy advice from his girlfriend. You liked Lisa, but it all just felt wrong. It felt wrong. So you had stopped answering your phone in the end, and Dean had started coming here. He needed to see you, you knew that. He was grieving too, and you along with the child you had been caring was his only real connection to his brother.

The first few month you had met, Dean had talked to you about his research. You had listened until you couldn’t anymore. Dean had looked so defeated when you had pleaded with him to stop. Unless he found a way to actually get Sam back, you didn’t want to hear it.

Ever since then all you had talked about was you and the pregnancy. Dean always made sure you were alright. He even asked you if you needed him at doctor’s appointments or lamaze classes. You had loved him for it but declined his every offer. Dean had his own family to look after, and it wouldn’t feel right having him there. Even sitting next to him right now was hard. As much as you loved him, he wasn’t his brother, and Dean knew that. He never pushed you or asked you twice after you had said no to something, as much as he needed you and baby Sammy, as hard was it for you to be around him, Dean never pushed you for more. He was there in a heartbeat every time you had asked. He kept every appointment and he cared more than he had too. Still he never asked anything more of you than you were willing to give. He knew that as much as he needed the two of you, he was a painful reminder of the man you had lost.

But Sammy deserved having his uncle in his life. Even if your son was never going to have his dad, he was going to have the best uncle in the world. You would get used to being around Dean without Sam eventually. Your heart would heal eventually. You would be able to look at happy families like the one in front of you now, without wanting to scream at the skies about the unfairness of it all. Eventually you would stop crying yourself to sleep at night. Eventually you would go on with your life, but you never wanted Dean not to be part of whatever life lied ahead of you. He was your son’s uncle, and he was the love of your life’s brother. More than a brother. You had never seen a bond like the one between Sam and Dean. You knew that Dean would do anything for you without question, solely because you had held his brother’s heart. You knew no matter what this world would throw at you, you and your son would have a protector for life. Someone that understood your pain and grief. Someone that would listen, if you could only find it in you to finally say the words out loud.

You stared at a little boy, squealing with laughter as his father pushed him on the swing. You stared at the woman, laughing from the bench across from you, holding a newborn baby, not much younger than your Sammy. You fought your tears but all you could see was how Sam would have wanted this for the three of you. You felt robbed of the chance of being a family. Of having a shred of normalcy in this godforsaken world. You missed him more than you had ever imagined it possible to miss anyone and something deep inside of you finally broke.

“It’s not fair Dean,” tears streamed down your face. You felt Dean’s eyes on you, but you didn’t look at him. You couldn’t bare too. “We should all be free, leading normal lives. You should be here with Ben and Lisa, not sitting on a bench listening to me.”

“Y/N/N,” Dean tried to interrupt you, but you didn’t let him.

“Sam should be the one beside me, with his arm around me. We should be happy and talking about a second child or how the first one even happened. He should be annoying me, walking around with his stupid phone taking picture of us, and you should be giving him a hard time for it. Sam should grow up knowing his dad and not that he died a hero. It’s not fair Dean,” you cried, and Dean’s arms closed around you, pulling you tightly against his chest as his lips pressed against you temple.

“I know sweetheart. I know,” he mumbled as he soothingly rocked you back and forth as you cried. “I know you don’t wanna hear it Y/N, but I haven’t given up. I’ll never give up.”

You pulled away with a sob, drying your eyes before letting your gaze meet Dean’s just as the horn sounded from the road, just like it did every week. “Good,” you nodded, and Dean smiled softly, before getting back on his feet.

“If you need anything…”

“I’ll call you, Dean. Go be with your family,” you waved him off with a smile. “We’ll be fine.” You reached out for the stroller. “We got each other.”

“See you next week,” Dean grabbed your hand before you could reach the stoller, giving it a small squeeze, and you looked up at him. You knew that expression. He was going to get Sam back to you, but you didn’t ask. You didn’t wanna know. As much as you wanted Sam here, you also didn’t want to lose Dean. He had come to mean too much to you over these past month. He was your brother and your friend. He was the closest thing your son had to a dad at the moment, and you didn’t wanna live in a world without him either.

“Just don’t do anything stupid Dean. Ben deserves a dad, and Sammy deserves an uncle.” You gave Dean’s hand a squeeze, and you could have sworn you almost saw tears behind his eyes as he gave you a quick nod before turning towards the stroller. Dean gently tugged the covers back over your son and ran a finger over his cheek, careful not to wake him up.

“See you soon Sammy,” he almost whispered before turning and walking towards the car where Lisa and Ben were waiting for him. You took a deep breath, wiping your cheeks before gathering up enough courage to get back on your feet. You quietly walked back to your house, pushing your sleeping son, hoping that this would be the day Sam would be there waiting for you.

You were so deep in your thoughts you didn’t see the man behind the bushes. You didn’t see the way he had been watching you and Dean with a cold detached smile on his face. You didn’t see that the man was the spittin image of the man you were still grieving and longing for every day. You didn’t know that your life was only days away from changing forever...

Sam Tag Team

@mysupernaturalfics @blacktithe7 @percywinchester27 @iamnotsaneatall @jpadjackles @atc74 @crushing83 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @fuckyeahfeysand @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @d-s-winchester @feelmyroarrrr @sleep-silent-angel @kayteonline @hexparker @starswirlblitz @faith-in-dean @knittingknerdy @lenaabs @petrovadixon @blanketmadeofstar @idreamofhazel @arryn-nyxx @winchester-writes @tas898 @mogaruke @emoryhemsworth @tennesseewhiskey-and-pie @supernatural-jackles @riakie @adriellej @dance4angels @castielsbecky @charliebradbury1104 @jayankles @mouselovesmusic @nothin-after-79 @im-most-definitely-fangirling @dudalleo @ivvitm1109 @sinbadcat83 @winchesterprincessbride @captainradicalpassion @mrswhozeewhatsis @brooke-supernatural16 @purgatoan @haleyhay96 @mamapeterson @spn-fan-girl-173 @be-amaziing @sandlee44 @roxy-davenport @bringmesomepie56 @gecko9596 @impala-dreamer @jensen-jarpad @deansleather @caffeine-countingstars @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @icequeen1371 @phoenixia67 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @brihughes4 @aiaranradnay @secretsandlove81199 @findingfitnessforme @muliermalefici @bemyqueenofdarkness @anna1012131

#spn angst appreciation day 2017 #sam x reader #sam winchester x reader #sam angst #sam winchester angst #spn angst #spn one shot #spn imagine #sam imagine #sam winchester imagine #spn fanfiction #spn family

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flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash · 7 years ago

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Writer Interview

I was tagged by the lovely @sherrybaby14 and @jeffreydeanneganstrash <3

1. What inspires your work most? (The show it is based on, the actor who portrays a certain character, maybe the character itself…? It could even be an experience.)

I would say the character and then my ridiculously active imagination. A character has to really intrigue me for me to want to write them, especially more long-term. They can’t just be amusing or attractive, they have to have layers to them, and live in shades of grey. I’m not much for the “good guy” or “hero” type, unless they’re really tortured (like Daryl), and prefer characters who come off as “villains” but who actually have so much more to them, and the lines are blurry of which side they’re on. Case in point, my love of Negan, Crowley, Peter Hale, and Severus Snape. They all have so much depth to them that isn’t necessarily shown in the show/book/comics, or if it is, it isn’t until the end of their arc, and they end up dying a hero, of sorts. I love trying to psychoanalyze those types of characters, and imagining what it would be like to put them up against a female OC that sees past their rough exterior to the man beneath, and how they would react to such a woman...and eventually fall for her. Basically, I write my own fantasies, of how I would love to be transported to that universe and interact with the characters myself haha. Hence, how ID was born.

2. What is your favorite fandom to write for?

It has most DEFINITELY been Negan’s Thirst Squad. I still can’t believe how far this fandom has come in the past year and a half. From literally only a small handful of fanfiction existing for him on any fanfiction site, to now multiple fics being posted daily; from a small handful of thirst squad members who huddled together against those judging us, to a huge thirst squad full of love and support...this fandom amazes me so much. It’s one of the most positive and supportive fandoms that I’ve ever seen on any site, and I love y’all so much for that.

3. Which perspective do you prefer writing in? (First-person, third-person)

I actually prefer second person now. I had never written in a “you” perspective until ID, but after creating a novel in that POV, it’s now become my default, and weirdly, even though it’s supposedly the most difficult POV to write, I find it the most enjoyable.

4. Do you prefer writing reader fics or OCs?

Reader fics. With those, I can literally make myself the character, without having to name her. Reader fics are still an OC of sorts, it’s just that they’re typically unnamed and it’s a different point of view. It’s definitely not as easy when it comes to not giving physical descriptors and not using a name when interacting with other characters, but it feels more personal to me, and I enjoy that a lot.

5. Do you prefer writing longer works or one shots?

Hmm...I guess it depends on the idea. The only longer work I’ve written turned into a BEAST of a novel, and I’ve really loved the journey of writing it, because it proved to me that I can indeed someday write and publish a novel someday, if I so wish. Writing ID has taught me a lottt about not only my writing, but about myself, cheesy as that sounds, and it has been so fun to finally write down one of the huge stories that I create in my head, because I create a lot of them lol.

However, there’s also something exciting to be said for those smutty one shot ideas. Once in a while, I get an idea so arousing that I’m literally obsessed with writing it down, and spend days totally focused on that idea and transferring the fantasy from my head onto paper (or word Document, I guess haha). And then, once it’s finished and posted, I get such a sense of accomplishment, and it’s like I can then purge that fantasy from my brain so that it doesn’t drive me up a wall anymore...plus I can then transfer the thirst to others, which is always fun.

6. Do you take requests?

I do not. I took commissioned requests once earlier this year, and while it was a lot of fun to expand my writing skills by forming ideas from others, it was also stressful. I realized that it’s much harder for me to be passionate about what I’m writing if it’s not an idea that I already created in my head. Luckily, the three requests I got were already fantasies I had considered before, so I was able to draw on that, but if I got requests that weren’t something I found sexy or fantasized about myself, I don’t know if I could do those ideas justice and write them properly. Or maybe I could write them...but I just wouldn’t enjoy it nearly as much.

7. Do you enjoy getting random Asks?

I do! I’ve gotten so many amazing random asks since joining this fandom, and I love them all (minus the hate). Anons have started topics on my blog that snowballed into these amazing conversations, particularly in regards to sexuality topics, and I LOVE those interactions with anonymous followers so much! My ask box is always open to y’all :)

8. What inspires the names for OCs (or extra character names) in your works? Do you pick them from real life or just select them at random? A mix?

When I do have secondary OCs, the names aren’t really based off anyone I know in real life. For ID, I was trying to find names of characters that didn’t exist in the show or comics (which was why I was screaming when the show introduced a young character named Ben haha). And for Trixie, I tried to think of a name of someone who would be young and annoying, and that fit for me. Maria might’ve been subconsciously based off the old lady named Maria who lived above me in my old apartment haha, although I don’t think my OC Maria is anything like her. Basically, they’re kinda random but also names that I feel fit the vibe of the OC’s personality.

9. If your story(ies) have OCs, are their appearances based on real people or celebrities? If so, who?

I don’t actually describe my OCs appearances in ID too much, because I want readers to make their own mental picture of what they look like. I realized that their personalities are more based off real people I know, even though I wasn’t consciously doing that in the beginning, but looks-wise they don’t remind me of anyone in particular. When I first created Ben, I saw him as a younger, blonder Jared Padalecki, but since they introduced TV Ben, I’ve kinda morphed him with Padalecki in in my head and created a totally new image.

My first OC, in a Dean Winchester story I wrote years ago, I totally based off myself, though. That was my first time writing a fanfic, and I made the main character, Amy, look like me, and her friend, Robin, I made look and act a lot like one of my hometown friends. I think that’s why I stick to “you” OCs, because I know if I made an actual OC with a physical description, my vain ass would make her look like myself haha. I wrote the first chapter of ID with an OC character, who was going to be a curvy blonde (like myself) and named Lexi, but then I changed it to a “you” character at the last minute. It’s interesting though, to think where the story could’ve gone and been different, if I had stuck with that OC. But I’m glad that I made the switch.

10. How long have you been writing fanfiction?

My first fic was a Dean Winchester 2-chapter smut fic. I think I started writing it in 2013 and published it in 2014 (it took me forever to write). I then decided that was my one-time foray into writing fanfiction, and didn’t write any again...until April 2016, after the season 6 finale of TWD, when Negan showed up on my screen and ruined my life. So consistently, I’ve been writing it for a year and a half, minus that one story a few years ago.

If anyone actually takes the time to read these rambles, thank you, because holy shit am I good at rambling.

I tag (if you want to) @opheliadawnwalker3 @mamapeterson @faith-in-dean @winchesterswoonathon @kittenofdoomage @hannibalssweaters @bamby0304 @vizhi0n @wickednerdery @wheresthekillswitch @lucifer-in-leather @crzcorgi @purplemuse89

(I tried to tag some authors I haven’t seen tagged for this yet, so apologies if you already did it!)

#about me #writing #writing fanfiction #fanfiction

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callmesweetheartifyoumeanit · 8 years ago

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿)

UGH!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?! THIS IS THE CLOSEST I’LL EVER BE TO A SOPHIE’S CHOICE SCENARIO AND I’M DEVASTATED!!! ( @rizlow1 also tagged me in something like this, and she’s on my shitlist as well.)

1. Tender, Loving, Care - Summary: This is mostly porn without a super, well developed plot. Dean gets hurt on a hunt and after being patched up by a friend he realizes that he wants so much more from her than medical care.

Okay, so this was the first smut fic I ever posted, actually, it was the second fic I ever posted period. It had been sitting on my laptop for nearly two years and I had no intention of ever sharing it, because I saw no point. But I ended up posting it and in the end I’m glad I did. This is what started my winfall. This is what had me at 1k followers within like, 2 months of creating this tumblr. I love it so. I love the version of Dean I created. I love writing from Dean’s pov. I love a good ol’ comfort fic. I’m pretty proud of this one.

2. I’ve Got You All Night - Summary: More porn without a well-developed plot. The reader and Dean are friendly hunters. When a vamp hunt gets out of hand and the reader gets hurt Dean stitches her up and learns that maybe innocent and pure are not the best words used to describe her.

So…this is my most reblogged fic of all. We’re at 1092, and surprisingly still growing as time keeps going on. I don’t what it is about this fic. I don’t know why people love it so, but I know why I love it. In my head this is probably one of the most canon Dean’s I’ve ever written. All charm and finesse, all patience and just good ol’ fashioned fucking. it’s a virgin!fic, but it’s not cliche (in my opinion). It’s just about convenience and affection and I’m super proud of it. It may be my #1.

3. Foolish Heart - Summary: After Dean is ripped back to 2009, he realizes that if he’s ever gonna make it through this battle with angels and Lucifer he’s gonna have to let his best friend and confidant know that the feelings she’s harboring for him are mutual. A smutty uniting for the greater good of sorts.

This is technically a sequel to I’ll Be Alright Without You which was written to fulfill a challenge that involved a threesome between Past!Dean x Reader x End!Verse Dean. I was so stressed out about the first part of the fic, but it went over well and @salvachester convinced me to give it all a happy ending and thus, Foolish Heart was born. It’s once again written from Dean’s pov, which if I’m being honest is my preferred pov to write from. I don’t know why. But what I love diving into his head. On top of that, this is my first time writing car sex, and frankly, I’m here for that.

4. Holding Back the Years (Season 1 - Alone and Terrified) - Summary: Porn with the faintest bit of plot (This is just filth guys, honestly, just smut and angst masquerading as something more.). The only thing worse than being friends with Dean is probably being the girl who he uses to relieve stress. But what about when you’re both? Then what? This is what it’s like to be the girl Dean always comes running back to.

This is part one of a trilogy, that as of now is still a WIP. The first two parts are posted, but this one has a soft spot in my heart. At the time, I was suffering from some pretty rough lack of inspiration. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to write anything again. But this brought me out of it. I have three top seasons of Dean (1,3, and 9) that make me go all melty whenever I see them and season one is obviously the most important of all. This was written so it was like it was before the show started and I just love that version of Dean, man. I can’t even put it into words.

5. Celebrate Me Home - Synopsis: When y/n was a little girl her mom used to tell her that if you wanted to make God laugh all you had to do was show him your plans. At the time she couldn’t decide if that made God cruel or her mother naive but she knew that one thing was for sure, nothing would come between her and her plans.

In hindsight, she supposes that was the first mistake she made; questioning the powers that be. The second mistake was falling in love with a man who held the emotional depth and kindness of a wading pool.

Everything she knows and loves is falling apart around her and Y/n can’t run away quick enough now. She needs to get out, needs to start over, needs to get away from her family and the life she so expertly cultivated. But how far can she run before something new catches hold of her, something she never knew, something she never felt.

What happens when Y/n runs straight into a man who may be so perfect it’s hard to believe he’s real. Dean’s not like all the others. Whether it’s his kindness, his brilliance, the sweet affection he dotes on his daughter, or the fire that burns behind the lens of his glasses, she’s intrigued…and terrified.

Y/n’s not sure if it’s the time of the year or the quaint size of Pine Tree, Vermont, but something is keeping her in this town and it’s either the best thing to ever happen to her or the worst.

Only time will tell.

Where, or where do I even start with this one? This is technically a series. My only complete series. It was the culmination of months of planning and late night skype sessions with @winchestersnco. It was years and years of inspiration building in my head and I finally sat down and wrote it. This list is definitely not in order, because when it comes down to it, this is probably my all-time favorite thing I’ve ever written. It’s a holiday!au that takes place in a quaint town. There’s bookstores, and an Inn, and so many White Christmas and Gilmore Girl references that it’s a little nauseating. I love the characters and the storylines and headcanons and god, I miss it so damn much. I miss every single character. It breaks my heart sometime.

So there you go. My five favorite fics I’ve written. I’m not sure if this list will change in the near future, but as of now, this is what we’ve got. I’m exhausted now.

#Moz answers #tag meme #this is lengthy #babypieandwhiskey

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justachorusgirl96 · 8 years ago

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Shower Surprise (part3)

Author’s notes: Ok, so I finally got around to watching season 12 and realized that this is not cannon at all and that I have inadvertently stolen the setup for this from @sdavid09 because I was inspired by one of her fics. I am so sorry. The cannon storyline is kind of a disappointment actually, but this is why I should stay caught up because then I actually know whats going on. Anyways, sorry this took so long; I know where I'm going with the story, it's just taking me forever to write it out. Also, I wrote it and then just forgot to post it... Please don't hate me! I'll try to be better. Love you guys, I really do!

Summary: You’re taking a shower after a bad hunt and fantasizing about a certain archangel, when it accidentally turns into a prayer, one that he answers.

Warnings: Language, slight confrontation, talk of injuries and physical violence, stuff

Word count: 1823 (I’ll try to work on making them longer)

Pairing: Reader x Lucifer

A/n: As always, let me know if you want to be tagged.

Need to get caught up? Master list

You emerged from your room a couple of hours later, hair still damp and un brushed, wearing your usual old hoodie and some pajama shorts. Your bare feet made almost no sound as you made your way down the long hall to the library. You could hear the gang before you reached them.

“You can’t be serious?”

“I’m tellin you man, new body, new virginity!”

You rounded the corner to find Dean and Gabriel engaging in a playful argument while Sam and Cas looked on. They all turned to look when you entered.

“Oh good, you’re out! Took you long enough.” Dean said with a mischievous grin. “I was just telling Gabe here that his new body comes with a new virginity. Now you’re not the only one in the bunker. The two of you could start a club!” He added with a chuckle.

Well that’s ironic... You felt a little heat rise in your cheeks and hoped no one would notice. “Yeah, not sure I’m really the ‘club’ type. I’m more the ‘suffer in silence’ kind of girl.” You offered with a nervous chuckle and an awkward glance at the elder Winchester. You felt the hair at the base of your neck prickle and shifted your gave to the source of the discomfort. Gabriel. He was staring a hole right through you. Shit, he can’t possibly know. The exchange seemed to be lost of everyone else in the room.

“Hey umm, Y/N, what happened to your injuries? You got beat up worse than the rest of us and now you seem just fine.” Sam cut in with that confused puppy dog look of his. You just had to ask didn’t you? “Gabriel’s been waiting to heal you since we got back.”

Dammit, I should have just stayed in my room. “Oh, that was nice of you Gabe, but Lucifer stopped by and took care of that already. Thanks tho-”

“What do you mean ‘Lucifer stopped by’?” Dean demanded.

“Exactly what it sounds like asshole,” you shot back.

“Oh so he just happened to stop by and decided to be nice and fix you up did he? What was he even doing here?”

“Yes, that’s pretty much exactly what happened!” You lied. “And he’s here a lot actually, you just ignore his existence unless he’s useful to you for something. He stopped by my room to inquire about a particular book from the library since I’m the only one who ever willingly talks to him. He saw that I was injured and healed me, plain and simple.” Please stop asking questions!

“Yeah, well I don’t like it. You should have waited for Gabriel to heal you.”

“We’re just worried that you might be messing with fire here. It is Lucifer after all.” Sam added.

You were indignant at that statement. “What difference does it make who healed me? It was a kind gesture and I was in serious pain. And no one bothered to let me know that Gabe was here to heal me so your argument is pretty invalid. I don’t have to justify this to you anyways; it’s already done.” You declared with a defiant glare. Damn were your brothers hard to get along with sometimes.

No one seemed to have anything to add and you fidgeted uncomfortably for a few moments before an escape plan came to mind. “I’m pretty hungry so I’m gonna head down to the kitchen. You guys want anything?” You asked as a peace offering.

Dean’s tone softened and he relaxed a bit. “Nah, we got tired of waiting for you to get out of the shower so we ate already. I left you a couple of burgers in the fridge.”

“Awesome sauce! I”m gonna go eat that and then probably go to bed. This has been a pretty exhausting day.” As you turned to leave your eyes locked with Gabriel’s and you knew he wasn’t about to let this go. You noticed that Cas looked incredibly uncomfortable and wouldn’t meet your gaze and wondered what exactly was bothering him as well.

A few minutes later you were standing at the counter in the kitchen finishing off your cold burger when you heard footsteps coming down the hall, not just one pair, but two. Turning around you saw Castiel, uncomfortable and sullen as ever, followed closely by a very serious looking Gabriel. “Hey guys, whats up?” you asked trying to keep your voice casual and failing for the most part. Something in Gabriel’s expression was making you extremely nervous.

“Lets drop the pretenses and just be honest sweetcheeks? I know- that is, we know- that you just popped your cherry, and we know who popped it.” Gabe’s voice was flat and serious, lacking all of its usual humor. “Do you have any idea what kind of a dangerous game you’re playing?” There was no mistaking the worry in his tone.

You felt a little defensive at suddenly being called out on something so personal. “I’m not playing any kind of ‘game’. And its none of your business if I’m being intimate with anyone or who that anyone is.”

Gabe put his hands up submissively, “Hey, I’m not trying to tell you who you should and should not be intimate with; its your body, your rules. But I don’t have to like it or pretend that it doesn’t worry me.” His tone was softer and it was clear he wasn’t looking to pick a fight. “You’re my friend, my best friend in fact, and I care about you a great deal. Now I know my brother, and I know how much of a massive bag of dicks he is. I also know his feelings for you are very real and I think you’re good for him. But you need to be extremely careful; I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

This was really feeling like some sort of strange intervention. “Guys, I appreciate that you care so much about me, but really I’m fine. I can take care of myself and I really don’t think that Lucifer would hurt me.” You allowed your own tone to soften and ease some of the tension in the air.

“I agree, you can definitely take care of yourself. And I don’t think Luci would hurt you either. That’s not what I was talking about. What I meant was-”

“Nephilim are forbidden.” Castiel cut in, breaking his silence at last. “If you were to conceive accidentally, the armies of heaven would hunt you and the abomination mercilessly, and there would be nothing any of us could do to protect you.”

Castiel’s blunt explanation left an awkward cloud over the conversation. You were the first to speak. “I see. Thank you for that.. brutal analysis Castiel, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about there. I couldn’t conceive if I wanted to.” The two angles looked worried and confused so you continued. “When Dean and Sam found me, I had been taken by a vampire who was using me as a living blood bag and was planning on starting a nest with me as his first convert.” You closed your eyes and the memories flooded back to you. “He was incredibly violent and would often beat me when there was nothing else to do; which was often. Somehow during one of the beatings he damaged my uh... my womb, and now I am incapable of conceiving a child.”

Upon opening your eyes you saw that Gabriel looked completely taken aback, a look of most profound sadness in his eyes. Castiel already knew this story, but still wore a similar expression.

“Y/N, I- uh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… But still, you should be cautious. Lucifer is an Archangel and anything could happen. The nephilim offspring of a lesser angel is incredible dangerous, but might stay hidden and go unnoticed for a while, but the offspring of an Archangel would have astronomical powers and and you would have no hope of avoiding detection. I don’t want to see my best friend get hunted down by my siblings.”

You stepped forward and pulled first Castiel, then Gabriel into a warm embrace. “Thank you for looking out for me. I promise I’ll be careful. That doesn’t sound like much fun to me either.” You forced a lighthearted tone into your voice, even though you were now incredibly worried. “Just don’t tell my brothers ok?”

“Pshh,” Gabe huffed, “I may be a jerk, but I’m not that much of a jerk! And you should get some rest now. He may have healed you but you still need to recover your strength. And I’m sure your ‘extracurricular activities’ didn’t help.” He added with a wink.

“Oh whatever!” You shoved him playfully on the arm. “Actually, that’s not bad advice ‘cause I’m exhausted. I think I will just go ahead and go to bed. I’ll see y'all in the morning.” And with that you padded off down the hall to your room, leaning against the door and releasing a long sigh once you were inside. Well technically that could have been worse.

Wasting no time, you rushed through your evening routine and soon found yourself comfortably nestled under the covers, sleep already tugging at your eyelids. A sudden rustle of wings brought you back to alertness. There he was again, Lucifer, stretched out next to you like he had been there the whole time. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t my guardian angel again. Two visits in one day. What did I do to deserve that?”

“Well thats definitely the first time anyone has ever called me that.” He said with a chuckle. Lucifer paused for a while before reaching out and grasping your shoulder. “I was actually thinking that it might be better if I stayed with you more often; I’d get to see you, and it would be easier for me to keep you safe.”

“Oh, ok yeah, that sounds… umm…” What am I even supposed to say to that?

“You don’t want me around more often?” There was no mistaking the pain in his voice.

“No, no I do! I want you around as often as you like. I just also don’t want my brothers to figure out that we’re together yet. I need time to tell them properly. If you’re suddenly by my side all the time, well… I mean they’re not complete idiots; they will figure it out eventually. We just have to be smart about it; take it slow so you not just suddenly there. But,“ you paused, reaching out and grasping his face, "You can spend all the time you want in here.”

With that you pushed the angel flat on his back and rolled over on top of him. Leaning in close enough for your lips to barely brush the side of his ear you whispered, "And we can do whatever we want in here."

@sdavid09, @ravengirl94, @lucifer-in-leather

#supernatural #fanfic #lucifer #reader insert #lucifer x reader #shower surprise #first time #First Fic

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whispersandwhiskerburn · 8 years ago

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When She’s Gone

Summary: Dean is lost when the Reader leaves him. She never stays, and he doesn't know how to make her do so. Pairing: Dean x Reader. Reader is absent though (see the title)--most of this is in Dean’s head with Sam coming in at the end for a conversation. Word Count: 2,782 Warnings: Angsssst! Insecure Dean is trying/failing to deal with abandonment issues—and he's borderline depressed because of it. Canon style. Author's Note: This was written for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing‘s SPN Anti-Valentine's Challenge for the song “Ain't No Sunshine” by Bill Withers. This was done in Dean's POV which I have only tried a few times, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I started with inspiration from a blurb I had previously written and went from there. There's a lot of build up till the reader comes in, canonically correct flashbacks in Dean's memory. Be patient. The Dean x Reader part will show up. Tags: My forevers are below the read more, but the following fabulous friends voted for this fic in particular in my Pick the Fic post, so here you go! @feelmyroarrrr, @beckawinchester, @wi-deangirl77, @avasmommy224, @xtina2191, @ruprecht0420, @death2thevirgin, @autopistaaningunaparte, @dancingalone21, @rissbennett, @salvachester, @lipstickandwhiskey, @paintrider13-blog, @mamaredd123, @spn-and-daddy-issues, @deanwinchesterforpromqueen, @wevegotworktodo, @angelofwinchester17, @wildfirewinchester, and @fandommaniacx.

Dean had experience with being left behind.

He had been four years old when Mom had burned. He had been old enough to understand, sitting on the trunk of the impala, watching his home burn and Dad cry while holding Sammy. He didn't know why or how, but he knew Mom had left and wouldn't be coming back.

Dad used to leave sometimes—even before...that night. But he always came back. And mom was always there.

But that night, Dad was crying, and Mom wasn't there—and Dean, even at four years old, knew she never would be again.

His Mom had left him.

Then his voice left him. He knew what was happening, saw his Dad trying to cope, but mostly drinking, stumbling from place to place. He tried to take care of Sammy, but Dean didn't want to talk. Not to Dad, not to anyone.

Then, when he got older and started talking again, started really paying attention to his Dad, the only parent he had left, Dad started leaving more often.

He'd be gone, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week, and he'd come back bruised, or bloody, or drunk. He'd write in his journal, drink, check on him and Sammy, then pass out before leaving again.

Dean figured out about hunting soon enough—Dad had started to become paranoid as he learned more and more of what was out there, so he started training Dean. Sammy was getting old enough to start training too, but Dean tried to keep him out of it. He didn't want Sammy to know how to make a silver bullet, how to shoot someone in the head, or why there was always salt spread at the doors of the hotel rooms.

He just wanted Sammy to be a kid.

Sometimes he fought with Dad over it—but never for long. Dad might never have stuck around much, but even he could see that this type of darkness was changing his family, and he didn't want to do that to Sammy either.

Then Sammy found out. He was old enough now that Dean was having to fight both Dad and Sam to try and keep Sam out of training. He considered it a win when he got Sam stuck on researching duty. The kid was good at it, and he wanted to help so bad...but most importantly, it kept him safe. It kept him out. When Dean had to leave with Dad to help with a hunt, he wanted to make sure that Sam would be there when he came back.

And no matter how scared Dean got when he left to hunt some monster or ghost when he was a teenager, he always knew he had to get back. He was never going to leave Sammy.

No one deserved to get left behind.

One time, Sam ran away. It was one of the worst times in Dean's life—not knowing what had happened, how he had lost him. Dean looked everywhere, frantic, terrified of what could have happened.

When Dad got home and heard what had happened, it was...it was like he dropped the role of Dad. He was nothing but a hunter in that moment—cold, purposeful, ruthless.

It had scared Dean. But not as much as having Sam leave him.

They found him again, but Dean had a hard time trusting him to stay after that. Dad had come back that time, but not Sam. There was a distance between them after that. Dean stopped worrying about keeping Sam out of the business, and started throwing himself into the business more.

Maybe that's why he hadn't seen the Stanford acceptance coming.

He hadn't even known Sam had applied—his own brother hadn't even told him that.

The argument that night, Sam screaming that he wanted to leave, that he wanted out of this life, Dad calling him a traitor, running out on his family, telling him that if he did, he should never come back.

Dean hadn't known what to do. He didn't want Sam to go, but he didn't think Dad was right either.

Why couldn't they just stay together? Why did they always have to fight? What was wrong with his family—with him, that no one ever wanted to stay with him?

Sam left.

Dean and John hunted together for the years he was gone, and every time they had a case in California, they'd stop by and check on him. He was fine—safe, out of the life, doing well in school.

They never let on that they were there. Sam never called or looked for them.

He never seemed to miss Dean at all.

Dean tried to take comfort in the fact that Sam was out and safe, but it was just another abandonment—and this one hurt more than any other had. He had raised Sammy, and to have him walk out and never look back....

But then Dad went silent on a hunt.

No calls. No check ins. No message, no sign, no nothing.

Dean had been a hunter long enough to know that this was something different than the usual silence, to know that something was really wrong. He couldn't face this alone—he didn't want to face this alone.

He went to Sam. Dad had been in California, but there was no sign of him around Stanford. If Dad was missing, Sam should help Dean find him. He was still a Winchester, even if he wasn't a hunter anymore.

Then Jess.

And Dean was left with a broken, tortured Sam. He tried to help, tried to guide, but how do you help someone who just watched the person they love burn to death on a ceiling? He hadn't been able to heal his father of that wound in the last 22 years, and now Sam was going through the same thing, and Dad wasn't there, and Dean didn't know what to do.

Except look for Dad.

So that's what they did.

The found him. And for just one brief moment—a scary, tragic, but shining moment, Dean had both his brother and his father back in his life.

And then his Dad abandoned him again.

This time, he left for him—did a deal with a demon to bring Dean back. But how was Dean supposed to deal with that? His father had gone to Hell, left him forever with the knowledge that the only reason he was walking around on the Earth was because his father was burning down below.

He tail-spun after that.

Sammy got him back.

The two of them worked together after that. Hunt after hunt, trying to save the world, trying to make it a better place, the way Dad would have wanted.

But then Sam died in Dean's arms, stabbed in the back.

And Dean...he couldn't. He just couldn't.

It was worse than Mom...worse than Stanford...worse than Dad.

Dad had made a deal to bring Dean back. Dean did the same for Sam.

When he died bloody beneath that Hell Hound—when he left Sam for good, or so he thought, Dean didn't regret making the deal.

As he suffered in Hell, he was thankful that Sam wasn't the one beneath the blade.

When he started torturing souls, he was glad that Sam wasn't there to see it.

And then he was back. Sam was different, and the world was crazy—the apocalypse was happening and angels were real, and one of them had dragged him out of Hell.

It took Dean a while after he was back, in the midst of the craziness, to realize that Sam really was different. Colder, darker...and finally it connected. It was like John had been when Sam had run away that time.

It scared Dean.

He lashed out, blaming Sam, blaming that bitch Ruby for poisoning him.

But it was too late.

Sam had left him for a demon, for his powers, and Lucifer rose.

That was a dark time. Dean didn't know whether or not he could trust Sam, could trust the angels, even Castiel who had saved him—so many people died. Jo and Ellen, their brother Adam...he almost gave up at one point.

He just couldn't take anyone else letting him down.

And what stopped him? The idea that he would be letting Sam down. That he would be abandoning him. Dean just couldn't do it.

So they fought. And they fought. And they saved the world—at a price.

Sam leapt into Hell with Lucifer inside him. Cass rebelled from Heaven for them and saved them all, brought Bobby back, and the world kept on spinning, just the way it was supposed to.

But Dean was empty inside. He went to Lisa, because he had promised Sam he would. He did his best, smiling where he could, trying to raise Ben and make a life that was worth the sacrifice his brother had given.

But Sam had chosen to leave.

And it was like Dad all over again.

And there were moments, brief moments when the sun would peek out from behind the clouds, when he thought he could actually have a normal life. A home.

It didn't last though.

Sam came back—most of him. The life was right there waiting, with extended family members ready to betray him because he hadn't had enough of that in his life. Dean risked a conversation with Death to get Sam his soul back and it worked great—until Cass left them for Crowley.

He was such a child—he refused to listen to Dean. Dean could see the pattern all over again; it was Sam partnering with Ruby to stop Lilith—except this time it was Castiel partnering with Crowley to stop Raphael. He wouldn't listen and the same thing happened all over again—the fallout result was worse than what they were trying to destroy.

Lisa and Ben had to have their memories wiped.

Sam's mind broke, and he remembered his time in Lucifer's cage.

Castiel was dead and Leviathans walked the earth.

The ultimate monsters, and it was his best friend who was responsible. And Dean was left to clean up the mess because Castiel had done it all.

They lost Bobby.

Everyone dies or leaves and nothing Dean could do could stop it.

Kevin. Benny. Charlie. Garth. Rufus.

Sam abandoned him in Purgatory—never even looked for him.

God showed up and then left again.

Mom came back...and only stayed for about a week.

That one had nearly killed Dean. She had been the one person Dean had needed most. He had lost so many—some by their choice and others before their time, but his mom? He had built his whole life on the fact that his mother had been stolen from him, but in the end...she chose to leave too.

Even if he understood why, Dean couldn't help feeling like there just wasn't anything inside him that made the people he loved want to stay.

And then he met you.

It had been a hunt—a surprisingly small one compared to the end-of-the-world things that had been happening regularly over the last few years. Just a vengeful spirit in an old house that needed to be salted and burned and put to rest.

But it had rocked Dean to the core.

You had been there, at the grave site before Dean could get there. Sam was at the house, ready to move in in case there was any sign of danger for the family that lived there, and Dean had been surprised as hell to find you up to your calves in the grave he was supposed to be digging up.

It surprised him even more when you looked up at him, studied him and his shovel for a moment and simply asked, “hunter?”

“Winchester.”

You had nodded, then slid over for him to jump in and dig beside you.

“I'm Y/N. We'll do the rest of the pleasantries after Casper here is crispy, deal?”

Dean had jumped in and dug his shovel in. “Fair enough.”

Afterwards, you had gone out to eat with them. After the brothers were convinced you were who you said you were, they had invited you back to the bunker to crash. It was an hour away, but better than a skeezy motel room.

You had agreed.

Dean had been fascinated with you. He hadn't smiled much since Mom had left, but he laughed with you. It was like...well, sunshine.

But you didn't stay either.

You didn't have any real ties to them. Every month or so you would call, or Dean would, about a case and you'd team up and work together. After a few times, you ended up in Dean's bed and, while the sex was fantastic, Dean found himself wanting more.

But you never gave a sign that you did. In fact, you had left again the morning after before Dean was even out of bed.

You didn't shut off communication—you and Dean had even hooked up a few more times. You still laughed together, sang along to the same songs, and fought over who was the best shot on the firing range.

But when you were gone.

Dean moped. He drank. And he missed you.

Of course, he was used to being left behind.

He was sitting at the small table in the kitchen, drinking a beer and lost in thoughts of you when Sam pulled out the chair across from him and plopped into it.

Dean looked up with a glare. Sam had been annoyingly cheerful all day, and Dean had thought that he had made it clear that he didn't want company right now.

“Unless this is about a case, Lucifer, Castiel, or Mom, beat it.”

“None of the above.” Sam's voice was matter-of-fact and almost smug. Dean took another swig of his beer, wondering if he should just switch to something stronger.

“I've been wondering what has been making you act so weird, and I think I've figured it out.”

“Really. Enlighten me, please, Dr. Phil.” Dean's voice should have been enough warning for Sam to back off, but his little brother pressed on anyway. Pain in the ass.

“I thought it was about Mom, but it's not. You're upset about Y/N walking out.”

Dean schooled his face, pulling on his many hours of hustling poker to keep from ruining his bluff.

“And what makes you think that, Obi Wan?”

Sam raised an eyebrow then smiled a bit, “search your feelings, De--”

“Dude!” Dean protested, but Sam pointed a finger at him, saying, “you started the Star Wars reference, man.”

Dean grumbled a bit and took another drink, sad to find that he was almost empty.

“Seriously man, every time she leaves, you go into this weird depressed funk for days. You don't eat right, you drink even more than usual, and you're grumpy for no reason.”

Dean didn't meet his brother's eyes, trying desperately to avoid the truth.

“C'mon. Spill.”

Damn chick flick was what this was turning into.

“Fine, I miss her, okay? I've got feelings for her, but I don't think she does...and let's face it, I don't have the track record to press my luck.”

Sam nodded at that, a frown appearing on his face.

“There ain't no sunshine when she's gone, Sam, and she's always gone too long anytime she goes away.”

“She's a hunter, Dean. She leaves. But she comes back. She keeps coming back. I think that should tell you something.”

“I know, I know, I know....” Dean couldn't help how he felt, even if it wasn't logical. He knew she cared for him, but apparently it wasn't enough to make her stay.

“I just get tired of people leaving.” Dean sighed, “I mean, either they die or they walk out. Don't you ever wonder why everyone leaves, Sam? And with Y/N, it's worse than ever. Every time I wake up, she's left again, and I wonder this time where she's gone, wonder if she's gone to stay.”

“Dean, have you ever asked her to stay? Have you ever given her any reason to think that she's more than a friend with benefits thing?”

Dean glared at his brother again. He was officially done with this conversation.

Dean stood up, threw his bottle in the trash can and walked out of the kitchen, heading for his room, even though he knew that would only make it worse. Her scent was there, her memory was strongest in his room, his bed.

As he walked down the hallway, he couldn't help but to sing slightly under his breath, “this house just ain't no home anytime that she goes away.”

But Dean had experience with getting left behind.

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