#finally flirted with the gods i wanted to do that with hooray!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

darlingpwease · 2 years ago

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*taps the mic* uhh, well I just uhh well y'know I umm– >:ロ I truly never know how to respond to you most sometimes /ht ?? Really?? /neu ME?! I'm the bully?! I can't believe you!!! "heheheh" ( ° _°) ...wait, now I'm kinda questioning myself... hm (ಠ_ಠ ;) /gen /kinda confused tbh /in a neutral way tho, if that makes sense??

WHAT– darling, we can talk this out,, :'C there is just no winning with you hhhskjgfh /t /pos /hpos 😒

Karma is unfair and biased, but I try for our writebabies <//33 /hj I'm playing hot potato with it currently, but give me like a day and then I'll properly be lazing around for a whole day lmao

Although that image made me laugh, no <33 They are ours, and we will all stay here~~ <333

A waffle cake, a panna cotta, the more nicknames given the more sweets I find out about lol /t /gen /pos ?? Haven't I told you before tho??? I'm pretty sure I told you that before?? /neu

...(°ㅂ°╬) I haven't seen in that direction so you are taking and innocent person, don't you think that is unfair? >:(( I do! Unfortunately, I haven't been able to paint as much the past year, but I still draw, and I enjoy watching people paint :DD Hm,, I mean there is the painter Albert Bierstadt, I absolutely love his paintings, but I don't really have a "deep meaning" with them, they just fill me with a lot of awe and joy :)) But his paintings definitely inspired me (still do) when I was younger, and they actually encouraged me to start photography years ago lmao. The same is with Oswaldo Guayasamín, I don't really have any "deep meaning" with them, but I grew up with his paintings due to my ma's family, so I enjoy looking at his works, they remind me of family, in an odd way. mwah♡

/┬┴┬┴┤(⁄ ⁄•̀⁄_⁄├┬┴┬

/everyday I endure abuse and straight up murder by you, yet here I am... repeating the same damn process... (╥_╥) /t /nsrs

-panna cotta

yes, I know. you fall into a tremor, you make this puppy-scared face and everyone looks at you and thinks, "oh my god, get him out of here, someone give him silence, he's going to cry urgently, turn down the volume, turn down the volume" sjshhddhdhdhd sjhshsh the truth is told "the family rests on the patience of a panna cotta" /t /j ? of course, cutie~ provokes me to tease you even more hehehe~ someone is just a shy flirt, I see, although you used to be quite smooth~ are you getting old~? yes!!! you're a bully!!! constantly tormenting the poor dove!!! hooray hooray gaslighting works!!! jshshdhdhd /t /j /i get you don't worry, sweetie♡

can we???... maybe, but I only crave blood >;33333 this is a family trait on the maternal side; only my mom, me and my younger sibling possess it. fortunately, my youngest is not that good yet, but imagine the battles when she and I come together in battle if we lack the prudence to give up earlier dhdhhdhdhdh hehehe,,, kith kith<333

in my opinion, now it is more than fair and on time~ almost instantaneous~ <333 I know, dear. it remains to be seen whether you are lying down because you are conserving energy or because you are easily exhausted hwhwhhw /ht /affectionate

hooray, soon our communication will reach a point where we will share a sense of humor~ finally, you won't be able to brush me off with "we're not close enough" anymore, because even if a common sense of humor doesn't give you intimacy, then you're obviously a biorobot and I'm not sure if I want to let kids communicate with such a pamna,,,, /t /j /nsrs

dear,,,,, waffle cake,,,,,,, everyone knows waffle cake, it's practically the best thing in the world,,,,,,,,,, It's like a napoleon cake ??? I know that you love me because you continue to communicate with me, but, dear, if you love me even despite the fact that I constantly kill you, I have a question,,,,,,, many questions,,,,,,,,,, /t /hj

why are you reacting as if I'm leading you into a dark forest towards a strange hut while there's not a single living soul around pretending to be a minor and accusing you of something you're sure you're not to blame? relax, it won't hurt, you might even like it >;33333 mmm!!! how interesting... you know what I'll ask next — favorite painting / paintings by Albert Bierstadt and your first acquaintance with it / them? mwah mwah♡

/ AWWWWWW,,,, cutie cutie cute pie,,,,, little one,,,,,,,, sjdhjdhdjdhd sweetheart<//333333 mwah mwah mwah<3333333

/ well... you're just masochistic, honey — we both knew it for a long time, though, but I'll let you deny it because sometimes I have to be kind to you<3333 /t /j /nsrs

#[📂] — voice from under the bed #❖.my jewelry #✮.panna cotta <3

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depressed-teacup-inc · 2 years ago

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Wow the Love Square is a mess no matter what

Ok kids exaltation is out, and…oh boy.

Listen, first of all, I know people who like Marichat never get any canon content from miraculous so first of all, congrats to them for having nice things, I hope y’all enjoyed the episode

I… found it a little, just a bit upsetting from Marinette’s part (wow I know what I shocker)

Listen. I don’t hate the love square as a concept. On paper this relationship could have been really entertaining and fun and finally seeing the reverse love square is a nice change of pace. But this episode, especially when you take all the previous season of this show into account, and everything that happened… makes me uncomfortable.

Because Ladybug for 4 season, would always scream at chat Noir to quit being in love with her and to reveal nothing about his identity (even tho the identity rule literally doesn’t matter anymore) now that she wants him (because he’s convenient to her and rather then realized she fucked up because she’s obsessed, not because of Adrien, and that she should take a minute to maybe not date people, but no let’s throw your emotions on the closest male) and he’s like “w-what? What’s the trick here? Didn’t you say it’s dangerous?” She’s like “ohhhh my life is so hardddd why doesn’t he love meeee” YOU HAD YOUR GODDAMN CHANCE TO BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING TO HIM AND YOU MESSED THAT UP

And then with Adrien, she’s outwardly rude, saying on speaker (I’m so glad he didn’t hear her) that he’s a school friend and that tell him that we’re not in school and that he should leave?! Like holy fucking shit, you really don’t know how to treat either personas of the boy with respect! You either obsessed and insist on dating and make creepy fantasies, or be extremely rude to their face!

And then when Chat Noir does what Ladybug told him, and respects and loves marinette so much to the point where he’s like “I am not taking advantage of you like this especially because you don’t know my identity” she legit starts screaming and crying about why everyone controls her and why she doesn’t get to choose who to love!

Marinette is exhibiting every single behavior chat had, to an even more extreme degree, that had people hating him and saying he can’t take no as an answer, and had the show constantly beat him up for!!! But when Marinette does it?! “Oh my god I’m so sorry I shouldn’t dictate who you love”

LIKE THE DOUBLE STANDARD IN THIS FUCKING SHOW SHES LITERALLY DOING ALL THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE AND THE SHOW CRITICIZED CHAT FOR BUT ITS OK BECAUSE SHES MARINETTE

And what’s the lesson from this episode kids? “They should do whatever makes them happy”. Not “hey maybe a civilian hero relationship would be dangerous” not “hey Marinette why are you super in love with me out of nowhere” or “hey Chat is right taking advantage of someone like this and getting into a relationship when one person holds more power over the other is a dangerous an unhealthy thing to do”

The lesson is that Marinette’s always right and whatever she feels right now is ok and right and everyone should listen to her always and forever and just be happy for her. Hooray.

Anyways adrien still manages to be more respectful and kind then marinette ever was (even just kindly asking where Marinette is, rather then immediately declaring his love, and being very cordial to ladybug, and not getting mad at her for flirting), Glaciator got akumatized over stupid shit but ok, and Plagg and Tikki be carrying the show (with the addition of Alya, marinette should not have screamed at my girl like this)

#miraculous ladybug #mlb fandom #adrien agreste #chat noir #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #ml spoilers #ml season 5 #ml rants #I swear if marinette acts rude to Adrien like this one more time

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babylulururu · 2 years ago

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When you read this it will be 12am in my timezone, meaning it's finally my birthday! Hooray!

Below the cut will be my reactions to these four men celebrating my birthday. Artem's gonna be last because best for last of course!

So without further ado let's see stuff.

Luke

Puppy dog boy is so fucking sweet.

He's all like, I'm a detective of course I kept your birthday surprise under wraps and then he gets these puppy dog eyes like oh my god.

AND HE SINGS HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ENGLISH THIS IS PERFECT. AND HE SAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!

god he's so fucking sweet.

His present is TEARS! TEARS! I CAN USE THESE ON REVISITNG YOUTH THANK YOU!

oh and the energy and your mats are lovely too, much appreciated. <3

Vyn

HE HAS HIS GLASSES OFF AND HE WHISPERS IN MY EAR HELLO???

i am not down bad i am not down bad I am not down bad

HE ALSO HAS HIS COAT OFF????

im not a vyn oshi but oh my god.

thank you for praying for me. please pray to protect me from becoming uhhh down bad

I KEEP STARING AT YOU BECAUSE UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU

he's not wearing them on purpose goodbye

lulu ruru has died

god why am i at my grandma's while doing this I am DYING

STOP FLIRTING WITH ME PLEASE I NEED TO BREATH

he too has gifted me similar things as Luke. i will eat well during revisiting youth. artem will show up at my doorstep and NOT MARIUS

oh speaking of him.

Marius

Man his english is pretty good. He says surprise.

he's so fucking cocky.

he designed THAT MESS of a cake? oh my god. can we talk about this fucking cake? i like sweets and shit but he put EVERY SWEET IMAGINABLE ON THIS FUCKING CAKE I DO NOT NEED THAT MUCH PLEASE PUT THOSE SOMEWHERE ELSE PLEASE DO BETTER CAKE DESIGN

rant over

okay i feel a little bad now cause he's never celebrated somebody else's birthday before.

unless he's pulling my leg in which case fuck you.

NO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT HE LICKED THE CAKE OFF HIS HAND

GOD WHY DOES HOYO KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING

NO STOP STOP STOP YOU ARE NOT MORE DELICIOUS THAN THE CAKE I AM LOYAL TO ARTEM I AM A LOYAL ARTEM OSHI I AM LOYAL I AM LOYAL I AM LOYAL

SPECIAL EVENT NO NO NO SOS SOS SEND ME HELP

lulu ruru died x2

he also got me a present with the same stuff pog

alright the inevitable has arrived. will i screech or will I die? probably both!

Artem

I screenshotted everything but am not gonna post it all because I actually care about you, who may just not be reading this part anyway.

Okay the cake. This is the art of perfection. The bow. The choice of colors. The flowers. Everything is perfect.

I did not forget my birthday Mister Wing sir I'm just admiring...other things!! yeah!! other things mhmhmmhmhm!!!!

i promise i'm not that down bad

No way Artem just glanced at her employee form he probably had a mental breakdown begging Celestine to help him plan this entire thing. I see through you mister man.

Of course you didn't poor guy. This is what happens with two rocks. Take more initiative. <3

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH he just felt like it MY ASS.

Celestine totally put him up to this thanks queen.

I will eat that whole cake thank you. the stomachache will be worth it.

NO STOP FEEDING ME NO NO

lulu.exe has broken. please restart your device.

man he's just r92weuhiueqahiduqhwaiuhdqiwuOjhd

yes yes get as close as you want artem <3 <3 <3

artem if you actually knew me in real life you'd probably NOT want me to be myself to be honest

or maybe you're into that who knows you're only [redacted] years [redacted] than me

i didnt screenshot the other guys presents but I screenshotted his because I have favorites

anyways fun birthday! mhm mhm very very fun

now i have 30 tears. now all that's left to do is wait for revisiting youth...

OH and you can access my ask box here! I'm holding an ask me anything for my birthday so if you wanna ask me something...ehe~

#tears of themis #tot #birthday #tears of themis birthday #artem wing celebrates my birthday #very pog #i love this game #happy birt

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bre95611 · 4 years ago

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HI! I’m finally rewatching 15x17 so I’m doing an in-depth(ish?) super stoned commentary! Hooray!

Before I get into it, I just really have to say, god I love this season so so so much. The writing has just been beautiful, and it has me EMOTIONAL af. Anyway. Here we go!

I always like looking at the Then/Now scenes. I feel they can ring some really important storywide context to the show. A great example of this is the Pizza Man montage. This episode it starts with the conversation from a few episodes back with Dean and Sam discussing Jack killing God.

I’ve found the Dean/Amara relationship very interesting. After how it was played up in the 15x15 Gimme Shelter, always from Dean’s perspective in a joking manner. I believe it was @verobatto-angelxhunter that discussed the Big Married Energy it gave off, Dean teasing Castiel about a woman from his past. Season 11, as the beginning of the Dabb era, has been calling my name for a rewatch lately, especially with Amara being brought back. Its always been established that the connection Dean and Amara have was not something Dean liked. It wasn’t actual attraction. I’ll talk more about this later.

I have made some random posts here and there talking about the symmetry in endings between Season 11 and Season 15, I will also dig into this more later.

Saw a post about the amount of times “world” is said, want to keep track of that. I know there is a heavy Destiel attachment, and the second time it is said is during the Then sequence, Chuck’s dialogue from the episode with the tvs, talking about how its time to clear the board. (Want to look into Chess mentions this season, maybe even Dabb era as a whole? Because obviously there’s been a game going on at the cosmic level for quite some time). It doesn’t show the scene where Dean and Cas in the kitchen comes up on the tv where Chuck calls them “the world”. but it does have that section of dialogue as t screens are being shown, bringing that to mind.

Then we have Meg 2.0 as The Shadow, Cas is confused why he is being harmed since they’re on the same side. The Shadow makes their loyalty known. Keep this in mind. Will touch on this later as well.

Shit this is a lot for the episode not even starting yet. Below the cut for more!

God Amara is a QUEEN and I love her SO MUCH.

Sam tells Cas to “just get home” cause the Bunker is his FUCKING HOME

One thing I’ve seen brought up a lot is how Dean is always very action focused. Solve the problem at hand, “cross that bridge when we get to it” type of mentality. His plans always revolve around that. Cas and Sam are always very focused on there being another way, how there is always another way, especially when one oftheir lives are at stake. Sam calls him out. Sam wouldn’t care if Dean was saying that all the time if it were actually true, wouldn’t wonder if he ever got tired of saying it if they did only ever have one choice. TFW always subverts the problem at hand. Last season, their only shot of beating Michael was the Malak Box. Season 11 was soul bomb Dean, 13 was Dean saying yes to Michael. Ya’ll see a theme yet? Dean loves to sacrifice himself. Sam’s done the same exact thing, closing the Hell gates, letting out Lucifer. Cas’s whole thing in Season 6? They’ve all done the same things. over and over. Hamster wheel. Think of what made all those endings obsolete? What made them find another way, huh?

Fuck that paragraph went somewhere I wasn’t originally taking it, but still a good take IMHO.

I’m loving the SUITS!

I really hope that Amara is not gone. I know I’ve seen some stuff that talks about why that has to have been her last episode, but whatever. Imma still dream. And I really might have to just write a fix-it fic after the finale about Aunt Amara and Jack hanging out.

I just noticed world again (Dean to Amara: saving the whole world’s ass)

“You and I will always help each other.” That look on Dean’s face when she said that. Not the face of someone enjoying being flirted with by and “ex-flame” or whatever the hell

Saw a post about the generational family story that was being told (I believe it was @occamshipper) that basically has Sam is to Jack as Dean was to Sam growing up (Dean is John and Cas is Mary, super awesome read, will try to find and link in a bit). This whole family arc is about breaking the toxic circle, being a better parent than your parents, found family kinda things. So how has Dean reacted to Sam in these situations? Most recently, I think, is season 8, with the Trials. Sam was sacrificing himself, he knew that, he was okay with it. Sam was suicidal by the end of it, and Dean does what he normally does with Sam and keeps him from finishing the trials, and season 9 starts with Dean completely taking away his autonomy again, allowing Gadreel to possess him. Dean was angry, he was disappointed, he acted like Dean, and that is the kind of treatment he gets from his “big brother” father figure. But Sam breaks through his treatment, tells Jack he is brave and validates him, and doesn’t try and take away his FREE WILL.

Sam continues the path he started on when he told Dean to stop as he continuously made excuses/explained why he had kept things from Sam about Jack. He grows!! I love to see it!! He does NOT give up his FREE WILL. Guys I’m loving it. These boys are actively making HARD decisions and we are seeing growth in real time. TFW in every form has...not really lived up to its name? Sure, the world gets free will, but the boys never do. And not just in situations like they’re told they can’t do something. I’m talking constant violations of each other’s bodily autonomy. Dean all the time with Sam, Cas when he takes down the Hell wall from Sam’s mind, honestly....mostly its Sam having it violated. But the other guys have to stop fucking with it. They all need a variation. Dean needs the Free Will to stop being his father’s soldier, to live his true non performative life. Cas needs to be free of his self doubt. Permission to be happy, not happy in and of itself. Jack needs Free Will to be a fucking toddler.....

Sam SEES it dude, he knows something isn’t right, and he’s the one that figured it out like, every other time this season, too. Jesus. Dean is so desparately caught up in wanting to get the hell OUT of the hamster wheel, he’s too blind to see how deep into it he is. The first plan ANYONE gives him, he goes with it. He’s literally followed Billie’s plan because of one of her books before, and what happened? Cas and Sam brought him back from sacrificing himself.

I’ve really enjoyed how much Sam and Dean are fighting, honestly. Like, my spec for a while now has been that the brothers are going their seperate ways at the end of all this, the only way to satisfyingly bring an impactful end to their toxic codependency that they’ve been chipping away at for the last few seasons.

Guys I’m suuuuuuuper baked,

Dean says “Someone’s gotta be the grownup here” talking to Sam about taking Jack to do the final ritual. Dean is fully his father, talking to the “older brother” Sam protecting the “special child” Jack. Dean is not breaking the cycle established by his father, going mad with rage over his circumstances

Jesus Christ the LOOK ON SAM’S FACE when Dean says Jack’s not family. I’m dead. He looks so broken.

That line though is.....hm. All through season 14 and 15, its been established that Jack is family, their kid. When Lily Sunder comes back to help get his soul, Dean makes comments about not making them go through what she did with her daughter, and again to Belphegor in 15 when asked who he was (after a fight between Dean and Cas no less, calls him “our kid”). So this is how far Dean has spiralled? This is how he is choosing to try and deal with knowing Jack will die? Denial of his importance?

“He’s not like you. He’s not like Cas.” Dean feels he holds a different relationship with Cas than he does with Sam. Just...sayin....

Jared’s acting is......truly just phnomenal.

Man, i feel like the music is off? and it makes me think its intentional, cause Becky says something about how there’s no classic rock? So foreshadowing? nah.

This really does feel like....the last real Sam and Cas interaction. It is heart breaking really.

Alright, I’m posting this now......cause I literally just got to the first commercial break.... So

This is pt 1 I guess.

#spn 15x17 spoilers #spn 15 spoilers #spn spec #spn meta #my meta #my spec

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acearchivist359 · 6 years ago

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Merlin 1x01 “The Dragon’s Call” Review

So I made two posts like this while rewatching Merlin last time, of my thoughts on the finale, that I never posted. I decided since this is my third full watch through of Merlin this might be something fun I can do. It’ll basically just be me rambling on and reviewing the plot, my favourite scenes/episodes, Merthur moments and just making comments. They’ll probably all end up being kinda long posts. So without further ado, and just to be safe, spoiler alert:

“A boy that will in time father a legend” you don’t say (●__●) (also I love how this ties into what Kilgharrah says to Merlin in the last episode)

I remember the first time I watched this how epic I thought the “His name.. Merlin” thing was. Still epic.

ahh the intro, it’s like coming home

Uther: Off with his head!

“There is only one evil in this land and it is not magic, it is you” mood

Awww tiny Merlin is so cute

Hooray Gaius!

Hooray first magic use on the show!

Gaius really gets his shit together when Merlin arrives cause I’m pretty sure he’s a little senile in his first scene

I really wish Hunith had been in the series more

Awww not evil Morgana! I love Morgana sassing Uther all the time

“You know the more brutal you are, the more enemies you’ll create” again mood

And here we go part one of the “everyone breaks into Camelot” saga

OMG YAY ARTHUR except god he’s an asshole, Merlin really straightens him out

Aww the Merthur meet-not-so-cute

“Who do you think you are, the king” “No I’m his son, Arthur” you can literally see Merlin thinking well shit

Uther why do you meet your singer in a dark unlit room, that’s creepy

Also Kilgharrah if you were a little less cryptic whisper voice while Merlin sleeps he’d probably come down way sooner

YAYY ITS GWEN I really like her in the early seasons

Also my Netflix subtitles spelled Guinevere as “Gwenhwyfer” for some reason and I just about died XD

Gwen and Merlin’s friendship was so cute in the early seasons I really wish they had more scenes together later on

“You don’t look like one of those big muscly kind of fellows.” Oh just wait till season five Gwen

*about Kilgharrah* “Where no one can free it” okay yeah sure give Merlin a bit

Ah yes part one of the “Merlin almost getting caught snooping” saga

And cue the gayest scene on television

“Look I told you you were an ass I just didn’t realize you were a royal one” literally the best burn ever

“I could take you apart with one blow” “I could take you apart with less than that” out of context people in town probably thought something completely different was going on

“I warn you I’ve been trained to kill since birth.” “Wow, and how long have you been training to be a prat?” “You can’t address me like that.” really cause you seem to be enjoying it Arthur “Sorry. How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord” no that’s the best burn ever go Merlin

Arthur also actually remembered Merlin’s name from him introducing himself the day before

And let the cheating begin

Arthur’s little sweeping thing was so adorably cocky, I totally forgot about it! I love him

“There’s something about you Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“If I can’t use magic I might as well die.” Aww Merlin

“I’m not a monster am I?” Awww Merlin “Don’t ever think that.” I love Merlin and Gaius father-son dynamic

Uther is definitely flirting with this witch/singer lady and I hate it

More cryptic whispers

Cue the “it’s very easy to get into the Camelot dungeons/basement” saga

You’d think a castle, especially under Uther’s reign, would guard the dragon better but hey ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why is Kilgharrah so cryptic all the time? Like dude if you’d just tell Merlin the important stuff straight, things would get done so much faster!

“If anyone wants to go and kill him they can go ahead. In fact, I’ll give them a hand” oh Merlin you have no idea how you’ll grow to care for him

“There must be another Arthur cause this ones an idiot” yep “Perhaps it is your destiny to change that” perhaps not cause they’re both idiots but Arthur does become a much better person at least

Is it just me or were they almost hinting at an Arthur/Morgana romance at first?? Gross

More classic witchy stuff

The music in the background is really cool

So are Arthur and Morgana supposed to be betrothed?? Cause Gwen made a comment about Morgana being queen and “who would want to marry Arthur?” Merlin Which is gross to consider cause doesn’t Uther know they’re both his children..?

The putting everyone to sleep by singing scene is pretty cool too

That being said why does this spell cover everyone in spider webs?

Cue the “Merlin saves Arthur’s life like once an episode” saga

“You shall be prince Arthur’s manservant.” “Father!” Arthur’s so cute

God Merlin is pretty

Gaius: here let me give you an illegal magic book cause your mother asked me to make sure you don’t get caught using magic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Your destiny is calling, you’d better find out what he wants” I feel like Gaius probably referred to Arthur like that constantly just to tease Merlin

And that's the first episode. Like I said I doubt people will actually read these, they’re more just a fun project for me to do. I’ll probably do most, I’m attempting to do all, of the series. I mostly just make notes while I’m watching to get down my thoughts and then edit later on on my computer or iPad. I'm gonna tag all of these "#hntrswrlk-reviews" so I can find the easily on my blog since I use tumblr all the time and reblog stuff all the time. I aim to do one a week but I’m a major procrastinator and forgetful AF so who knows XD. Anyway for anyone who did read, thanks (•ᴗ•)♡

(there will probably be a lot of these emoticons since I don't wanna use emojis since they don't come up properly on computers and I have a lot of emotions that textposts just don’t express well enough!)

#bbc merlin #rambles #might make this a common rewatch thing cause i think its fun #hntrswrlk-reviews

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dreammutual-remade · 7 years ago

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best friends to lovers!lucas

request: ok ur SO FUNNY when i was reading ur hyunjin scenario i almost pissed my pants istg ur fckin hilarious !! and could you do like a best friends to lovers type trope with lucas from nct? love ur writing and please go nuts my guy <3 <3 - @nctro

word count: 3.7k

a/n: djfhgkhdj thank u sO MUCH everyone who compliments me on here makes me blush dhbfkhsbdk anywhom I actually enjoyed writing this so much mainly because I love big dumb boys and Lucas is one of those !!!! I hope u like it bby<3

warnings ?: cursing and brief mentions of underage drinking

okie doke babe

l e t s d i v e i n

let’s set the scene fellas

you’re in like the second grade right

boys are: disgusting and mean

but this is when you meet your bestie !!!!!

lucas was a new kid all the way from china and he was , the only boy you’d ever found cute

(i mean y’all have seen those baby pics oh my gOD HE WAS SO CUTE)

and when the teacher introduced him he was obviously a bubbly kid but none of the others in your class seemed to warm up to him

:((((

later when you all are at recess he keeps trying to join the boys but they won’t let him because as previously stated

THEYRE MEAN AND GROSS

he looks so so sad and lonely and you’re a Sweet Baby Girl so you go up to him and ask if he wants to play w/ u :)))

he’s so excited !!!! hooray !!!!!!!!!!

you guys play house and BAM

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

your friendship lasts all through elementary school !!

even in fourth grade when you guys were in different classes he would come find you at recess and your moms would arrange play dates :))))

middle school was,

middle school

we don’t talk abt that

all you need to know is that it was embarrassing

and yeehaw we’ve made it thotties aLL THE WAY TO SENIOR YEAR

let’s do a brief summary of 9th-11th grade

9th grade:

lucas is taller than you but only by a little and his voice breaks every other sentence

his ears are still too big for his body :(

you are a late bloomer and still look 12 but you’re , TRYING YOUR BEST

you guys have about half of your classes together but remain really close since you eat lunch together and hang out after school too

lucas attempts to join the basketball team

he . doesn’t make it and is v upset so you have to come over and comfort your Pitiful Man Baby

he cries a little and ouchie yOUR HEART hurts

but then he’s like u never saw that THOT

and so you are forced into silence rip

10th grade:

lucas FINALLY gets his permit halfway through the year because he fuckinh forgot to do it last year and you’re TERRIFIED but it’s fine

you’re starting to look more like a female and less like a fetus congrats !!!!!

lucas has now grown to almost 6 feet tall what the FUCK BRO

he grew at least 6 inches over the summer and you don’t really notice until one day you’re like uhhh excuse me since when are you half a foot taller than me

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and this boy LORDS his height over you

purposefully places things where you can’t reach it so he can be like

*tips fedora* m’lady , are u in need of assistance

after this you have perfected the art of pinching his arm til he screeches

also his voice has gotten sooooo so so deep

like okay darth vader CHILL OUT

with all this height though he is even clumsier than before

it’s like he forgets he’s now a giant 15 yr old

he’s always covered in scratches and bruises so you’ve taken to carrying disney princess bandaids

they’re disney princess because you thought it would embarrass him and encourage him not to get hurt but

he loves them so it didn’t work rip

he tries out for the basketball team again and genuinely makes it based on height alone

i mean the boy can barely dribble but ??? he can learn i guess

he calls you when he makes it and screams for 45 seconds straight

you don’t know wtf goin on so you’re like oh mY GOD ARE U OKAY

and he’s like yES BITCH I MADE THE TEAM

and then you scream for 45 seconds

next time you see him in person you tackle him with a hug and he lifts you up and spins you around because wow !!!!! so happy !!!!

11th grade:

ah, yes

the year of PARTYING

you always go to parties together and switch who’s dd each time

eventually more friends start coming with you so that you can both get drunk tho ayy

but for the first couple times it’s either drunk lucas half draped on you as you drag him home or sober lucas carrying your lightweight ass to the car

he’s a real one so he won’t say anything about the time you were really drunk and got separated from him so you stood on a table and screamed his name til he came and snatched you down lmao

lucas has reached full height as well so he’s like, so much bigger than you

also he’s gotten so much better at basketball and is practically the star of the team

you go to every game and cheer as loud as you can bc that’s your BOY

puberty is Complete for you and you look female and everything!!!! go off queen

lucas is now on Protective Mode since you’re really cute and a very agreeable drunk and under no circumstances will he allow you to be taken advantage of

NOT on my watch- lucas

alright we’re gonna make senior year the present timeline bc

YOLO

lucas is officially more popular than you

BUT

he actually sticks around because he’s The Best

okay also this guy just keeps getting larger

like he got all tall but THEN

he was doing basketball so much and just genuinely enjoyed doing sports in general that our boy was thicc with two(2) got damn c’s

you don’t notice that much until he gets into a habit of throwing you over his shoulder whenever you won’t pay attention to him

and it’s , unnerving how easily he does it

he’s started wearing shirts that show off his, eh hem, assets

long story short he’s hot as fuck and even you see him and you’re like DAYUM

also every female in your school is. ALL OVER HIM

it’s hard to walk next to him in the halls because people genuinely shove you out of the way to get next to him

at first you just kind of let it happen and he didn’t notice the first few times

that made u hella emo :(((((

but now he INSISTS upon holding your hand and dragging you behind him through the crowds

you highkey blush the whole time and everyone is all ArE yOu GuYs DaTiNg ?!/&:&:$

lucas is like NO.

:))))

ouchie

you start overthinking things because ??? would it really be so bad to be dating you jeez

you’re not terribly ugly or anything ???

at least you don’t think so

oh my god he thinks you’re ugly and annoying and he hates you

self hatred commence in 3,2,....... someone play the icarly theme song

you lowkey start distancing yourself and he himself is busy busy bee so

you start seeing less of each other :/

and you miss him soooo so much (this is your own doing BITCH) but it doesn’t even seem like he misses you at all wtf

he’s just having a great time w/ his basketball boy(friend)s and everyone loves him and you’ve been hashtag left behind :(

he really didn’t mean to he just !!!! has so much going on aaaa

and like in his absence you start realizing a lot of things

like how much you actually liked his cringey ass flirting

you would always smack him every time he was like “oh sorry, just got lost in ur eyes what did u say :3”

you miss his hugs because they were really rEALLY GOOD

he tucks you under his chin and squishes you or he’ll just wrap his arms around and pick you up

your feet just ???? dangle

you miss when he would show up at your house at like 11 with a bunch of shitty foreign films and force you to watch them with him

you miss when you both would fall asleep in a pile on the couch and he would wake up and carry you to bed

because he’s an angel THATS WHY

anywhom

you miss everything about him and you just are so upset that he doesn’t pay that much attention to you

it gets WORSE when you notice some other girl hanging out with him

and she’s prettier than you and apparently good enough for his attention when you aren’t and you’re just so full of

what’s the word

JEALOUSY.mp3

go listen to jealousy by monsta x

but obviously you’re not going to acknowledge that because what’s a good friends to lovers story without a hearty helping of denial

he still tries to hang out with you so you guys do see each other in class and at least a couple weekends out of the month but :(((

it’s nowhere near how close you were

it all comes to a head when one day you’re walking in the hall and it’s hella crowded

way worse than usual

and in the center of the crowd is

you guessed it :’-)

our boy yukhei

and he just asked this girl to the winter formal and she’s nodding and smiling and hugging him and he’s smiling too and you

gotta go

your eyes are already starting to water and you start skirting around the edges of the crowd to get to a bathroom

one of your other friends jeno who also plays with lucas on the team sees you and smiles and lifts his hand

but it immediately shifts into a frown when he sees your face

he reaches out to grab your wrist and asks if you’re okay and what’s wrong

you just bring your other hand up to sloppily wipe at your watery eyes and whisper that it’s nothing

the hand he’s got in his grasp has started to shake and he looks really worried so he tugs you around the corner until he doesn’t see anyone around

and he turns to look you in the eyes all Serious

“alright. spill”

and you just

BURST INTO TEARS

he panics and hesitantly puts an arm around your shoulders to pat your back

you just press your forehead into his shoulder and cry

it’s a short cry though because although we are dramatic out here we aren’t doing The Absolute Most

you pull away and wipe your eyes and take a few deep breaths before you apologize

jeno smiles sadly and pats your head and says it’s okay and that he hopes it helped

you stand there for 37 seconds exactly in silence

jenos been counting

and then you let the cat out of the bag

you adMIT FINALLY !!!!!

that you are really in love with your bff/sort of ex-bff and you’re really jealous and sad because he doesn’t even CARE about you anymore

at first jeno is quiet but then he starts laughing

and he won’t stop

and you’re like if you keep going i’m going to cry again please i’m so sensitive

and he shuts up immediately and is like o_o

but then he grips you by your shoulders and is like hEY

“guess what”

“god jeno i am really not in the mood”

“no for real guess what the fuck is up”

“what is up ???? what is up you asshole ???”

“yukhei is in love with you too”

you scoff and roll your eyes

“this is a really lame attempt to make me feel better”

“no really i’m not even lying i swear he talks about you all the time in the locker room and he literally thinks you’re an angel”

“okay but its platonic as hell like obviously we love each other after all these years but he doesn’t like ME in the way i like HIM”

“how do you know??”

“how do YOU know ?????”

“,,,,,, you got me there”

you pat his shoulder and you’re like listen i really appreciate you trying to make me feel better but it’s time for me to accept my fate

now you and lucas still text semi regularly and send each other memes and stuff

but you just, cut him off because you physically can’t move on if you interact with him at all you LOVE this boy

he def notices and texts you a few times like

y/n ??? hello? is your phone broken?

but when you stop waving back at him in the hallways and actively avoiding him he realizes you’re not talking to him

and this poor boy cannot for the life of him figure out why

he doesn’t UNDERSTAND

god he’s dumb but we still stan

he figures you want him to leave you alone so he just stares at your forlornly from afar

this just pisses you off bc like wtf nOW YOURE GONNA PAY ATTENTION TO ME ??????

a couple weeks pass and it’s time for winter formal

yay.

you’ve been dragged here by jeno who is SURE that something important is gonna happen tonight and lucas is gonna Fix Everything

yeah OKAY

SURE

you may not want to go but you wouldn’t be caught DEAD not stunting on these hoes

you show up looking absolutely SPICY

QUEEN OF WINTER

you know you had to do it to em

jeno forcefully pulls you into the doors of the gymnasium and then disappears after he threatens you with an

“i told chenle not to let you leave”

and you turn to look at chenle who is SGA and helping with the dance and he gives you an “i’m watching you” hand motion

god this is ridiculous

you sigh and go find some of your other friends

you hate to admit this but. you actually had a little fun

and then of course

a slow song was played

and the dj is all yo everyone find you a honey it’s time to slow it down for a bit

sigh

you go to walk off the dance floor or find jeno or do SOMETHING other than stand around looking awkward surrounded by couples

but someone has snatched your hand up yo wtf

it’s LUCAS

and you just look at him with confusion

“dance with me, please. just this once,,,”

and you’re like hmmm pls don’t make me do this

but he hits you with Them Puppy Dog Eyes and you’re a goner

so you let him pull you close and hold you against his chest and rest his chin on the top of your head

you lift up on your toes so you can talk in his ear

“where’s your date?”

“dancing with her girlfriend”

“um. what”

“she’s not super duper out yet so i’m being her beard for the night. it was mainly to get her parents off her back”

“oh. huh”

“plus i missed you :(((( you disappeared”

your hands tighten in the fabric of his button up bc you’re like aw FUCK

you just shake your head and rest it back on his chest and close your eyes to enjoy it while you can

as much as you want to be convinced that things can go back to the way they were now

they cANNOT because you still love him and he still just thinks of you as a friend

maybe not even a best friend anymore :(

(again,, YOUR FAULT BITCH)

his GIANT warm hands slide across your waist to press you forward by the small of your back

at this point you are pressed together basically head to toe

and you can’t tell for sure but , you think he kissed the top of your head ???

maybe you were freakin hallucinating though since you’re losing oxygen fast due to his close proximity

the song ends and you slowly stop swaying and pull apart while everyone gets back to being wild

“can we.. go talk outside”

this sentence strikes FEAR in your heart but you take his proffered hand as he leads you outside

it’s cold as hell so you’re already wound up tight and wrapping your arms around yourself to keep warm

he notices quickly and wraps his jacket around you before turning to face outward towards the road

it’s quiet other than the muffled music from inside and crickets and other night noises

he opens his mouth to say something but you just blurt out

“i like you!!!!”

and he whips around to face you and you just. keep talking

“it’s oKAY i know you don’t like me back like that and i would never be mad at you about that i didn’t distance myself from you bc of that!!!! i just had to because it was hurting me to be around you and see you be with other girls and i really wanted to move on so that we could get back to being best friends if you even wanted that i just !!! IT JUST HAPPENED OKAy i’m sO SORRY AND I ComPLetely understand if you never want to speak to me again”

and he’s just staring at you and panting

why is he out of breath he’s just been standing there

you’re getting super duper nervous because he hasn’t said aNYTHING and it’s been at least a minute

and then he just goes

“you… like .. me ???”

and you’re like ugh YES you dumbass have you even met yourself you’re so cute and sweet and such a goofy boy and you’re way too nice to me and also HOT so like. you were asking for it

and he immediately swings you into his arms and gives you a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and buries his face in your shoulder and squeals

this man. SQUEALS

and you giggle because it’s tickling your neck hey stop that

and he’s laughing that loud ass cackle of his so you’re laughing too i mean have y’all heard that shit

GOOFY AS HELL

also he’s hugging you almost just like he used to with your feet dangling off the ground

and he pulls back to set you down but then

HE GRABS YOUR FACE

AND KISSES YOU ??!/&8:$:$:92&

b i t c h

he’s so gentle and is patient when you kind of freeze at first, pulling away and pressing his lips very gently to the corner of your mouth before going Back In

and even though he’s given you NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS you kiss him back because this may be a one time only opportunity and you will NOT be wasting it

he goes very slow and sweet and right before he pulls away he presses a cute lil smooch to your bottom lip and presses his forehead against yours

“what was that for?”

“oh yeah, i forgot to tell you!! i’m in love with you”

“oh hEY me too ??!!?!&/&”

and you’re both pressed together and giggling

“hey, you wanna ditch and go get some ice cream”

“absolutely”

so he lets his date know and you text jeno

(you: bIIIIIIIITTCHHHH jeno: I KNEW IT)

and you’re off

he holds your hand the whole way there and when he parks he spRINTs around the car so he can open it for you

you each get an ice cream cone and sit next to each other at a picnic table and just talk and catch up with each other since you haven’t been talkin :/

one of your hands is laced with his and your head is leaned on his shoulder and he’s like hEY watch it this is my favorite shirt

and he flexes his arm with your head on it and you’re like god dAMN that’s a bicep

and he’s like ayy lmao arent u glad ur dating a greek demi god 🤪🤪

and you smack HIM

“i cant believe you just declared us as dating in the same sentence as calling yourself a greek demigod”

“are we ,,,, not dating”

“i mean personally, i haven’t gotten asked on a date yet. hmmmm, have you? :-)”

and he sighs dramatically before wrapping an arm around your waist and leaving a somewhat sticky kiss on your temple from the ice cream

he leans down to your ear

“hey so there’s this girl and her name is y/n and she’s so beautiful and funny and i love her so much do you think she would go on a date with me ? :3”

“hmmm well i guess so,,, she could give you a chance…..”

you hold a straight face for less than 5 seconds before you get all blushy and smiley and he squeals at you

......again

and grabs your face with his hands since he literally dEVOURED that ice cream cone

he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose and then to your lips and says against them,

“please~”

another kiss

“for me?~”

another

“cmon~”

and he goes in for another but you’re like oKAY okay i’ll date you you giant pain in my ass

and he’s like :-(((((((

(DONT BE MEAN TO THE BABY BOY)

and you’re like aw i’m sorry you’re MY giant pain in the butt

he seems pretty satisfied with that and after you finish your ice cream cone he is already at the door waiting with the door open

“if you dARE say m’lady i will walk home”

“of course ,,,,,,,,, m’lady”

“alrIGHT THATS IT”

he grabs your hand and pulls you back toward him to keep you from leaving and presses a kiss to your forehead and ruffles your hair a little

before he kindly and gently shoves you into the car

he drives home with one hand on the wheel while you mess with the fingers of his other hand because wow

that shit is amazing he’s got some big ole beautiful hands

when you arrive he walks you to your door and

this mf presses you against it and presses an absolutely SINFUL kiss onto your lips before turning around and heading back to his car

“bye, baby!! i’ll see u tmrw at school :-)))))”

and first of all: KKDKDNDKDJ

second: he called you baby it’s officially over for you bitch

you wave back blankly because what the hell just happened and then you go inside

you press yourself against the door after you close it behind you and press your hands into your warm cheeks

and woooo bOY what have you gotten yourself into

a supportive and caring boyfriend who LOVES YOU THATS WHAT !!!!!!!!

okay goodbye i really love wong yukhei xuxi lucas whatever the fuck his name is

#huehueheuhuehe #sorry its been a few days I was super busy #I love u ALL #Lucas #wong yukhei #lucas scenarios #lucas fluff #yukhei scenarios #yukhei fluff #nct scenarios #nct scenario #nct fluff #nct u #nct 2018 #nct u scenarios #nct 2018 scenarios

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winryofresembool · 7 years ago

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EdWin ice skating AU chapter 6

A/N: This time the real chapter six! Picking up from where we were left in chapters 5 and 5.5 (that must sound so confusing if you haven’t read them). I’m sorry @kilmartin85, no chapter 5.75 for you xD This chapter is dedicated to you, as a thank you for your continuous support and love for the ice skating au. If it weren’t for your comments, I might have lost my inspiration already. Enjoy! (also see the notes at the end of this fic)

Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5.5

Next chapter: [x]

Words: 1050+ (I’m sorry, it’s a short one. But still pretty important)

Genre: How do you categorize two awkward teenagers/young adults being dumb?

No warnings

The two young adults just stood there awkwardly, long enough for Roy to start wanting to sort out this mess they (well, mainly Ed) had created. He bit his lip as he watched them stare at each other almost like two animals trying to decide whether to attack each other or not. Just when Roy was about to open his mouth to break the silence, Ed and Winry asked simultaneously:

“Can we talk?”

Winry laughed nervously at the awkward situation and answered first:

“That would probably be a good idea…”

“Yeah.” Ed rubbed his neck, a reaction that had already become familiar to Winry. “Mustang, could you… just go see Hawkeye or something?”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Roy warned playfully as he turned to leave, and Ed was close to literally kicking him out of the gym.

“Is there anything you haven’t done?” he snarled at the older man.

“Oh, there’s plenty. But I’m not feeling like sharing that information with you.”

“Asshole.” Ed shook his head after Roy finally left him and Winry alone.

“But you know, I still think he cares about you… in his own way. He wouldn’t have been here otherwise.” Winry stated knowingly.

“Hmm… I dunno about that,” Ed said reluctantly, not wanting to admit Winry was probably right. In reality, he was thankful to Roy for a lot of things, most importantly for the automail he had helped him get. But it would take a lot of coaxing to make him say that out loud.

“So…” Winry finally broke the awkward silence that had fallen between them again. “Should we maybe sit down for this?”

“OK,” Ed agreed and pointed towards the bench behind them. As they sat down, he couldn’t help but notice Winry was wearing her gym clothes, which did nothing to hide her good attributes, like her toned abs and nicely shaped legs. He felt warmth spreading towards his stomach and nearly bit his tongue to stop himself from reciting the periodic table out loud in front of her. Great. This was the last thing he needed right now that he was supposed to explain her why he had acted so weirdly…

“Would you like to explain what happened back in your room?” Winry asked with a half frustrated, half worried tone. Ed winced, looking like he wanted to run away from this situation and fast, but for once managed to control himself.

“I know you lied to me,” Winry continued. “You didn’t need to go anywhere, you just suddenly freaked out about something. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no you didn’t!” Ed quickly reassured her. “What happened… it’s complicated…”

“I don’t care how complicated it is, I want to know why you act flirty one moment and give me a cold shoulder the next.” Winry’s voice was calm, but Ed could tell she was getting frustrated.

“I… didn’t! Ugh.” Ed shifted slightly so he didn’t have to look at her. “I didn’t try to flirt with you.”

It was half the truth, he had never intended to sound flirty. Ed thanked his gods Mustang wasn’t nearby anymore because he had a lot of stories about Ed’s ‘flirty’ side, usually involving getting drunk and pretty girls he wouldn’t have looked at twice, had they passed him on the streets of Central in the middle of the day. The truth was that Ed had never been particularly interested in starting a romantic relationship with anyone… but for some reason after meeting Winry he had considered the option of starting one with her more than once. She was determined and ambitious, she gave him an impression of a smart, independent, strong(willed) woman who knew what she wanted to do with her life, and she was fun and easy to talk to… And she loved automail. Besides, the looks definitely didn’t hurt. She was quite a sight on the ice…

Ed quickly pushed that thought away.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. You seem like a genuinely great person, and maybe in some other situation… But I have a lot in my head right now. I’m sorry,” he added quietly when he saw Winry’s hurt expression.

“That still doesn’t explain your reaction earlier,” Winry said, more of a question than a statement.

“You see, when you were in my room…” Ed started, “I could see what happened to Al…”

“I heard about the incident from Riza,” Winry stopped him mid-sentence.

“Good. Then I don’t have to explain that part,” Ed sighed. “Yeah, I could see that scene in my mind again… and somehow I just knew then that this was a mistake.”

He left the part about seeing Winry in Al’s place out of his story on purpose.

“What was a mistake?” Winry asked, confused and angry.

“This. Us. Thinking that I could… I could ask you out. Off ice.” Ed’s cheeks burned fiercely as he admitted it had been his plan.

“So you were thinking about it after all,” Winry said bitterly, although one part of her was relieved and flattered to hear that he had paid attention to her after all.

“Fine, I was, but… it’s hard to explain!”

“It’s OK, you don’t have to.” Even the oblivious Ed could notice her voice telling him that it was anything but OK. “If you think this is such a mistake, then it’s probably better if we don’t see each other anymore. I was going to suggest we start with a clean slate but apparently that would be too much to ask. You know what,” she quickly stood up and turned her back to him. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to use this gym anymore.”

“Winry, wait!” Ed was trying to yell after her, but she was already gone.

Great. This wasn’t what he had wanted. If she had stayed longer, he would have said he wanted to know her better as a friend, he wanted to explain her why this was so hard, hell, he almost wanted to say that he didn’t believe in fate but there had to be a reason why they had met again so unexpectedly… But none of it mattered anymore. This time he had really done it. If they happened to run into each other again, she probably wouldn’t even want to look at him.

All this while his first Olympic game was getting closer and closer. He needed to get his thoughts sorted. That’s why he decided it was time to call home.

A/N: Sorry! Unfortunately the things aren’t quite solved yet but if there weren’t any problems, there wouldn’t be a fic either, right? And yes, Al is gonna join this fic sooner rather than later. Oh and this fic finally hit 10000+ words so hooray for that :’) It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written.

#edwin #edward elric #winry rockbell #fullmetal alchemist #ice skating au #my fics

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causinginvisibledamage · 7 years ago

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TRR Chapter 14: Hana’s mom can just go straight back to hell from whence she came

General thoughts:

All the Tangled references are appropriate this week because Hana is Rapunzel, Lorelai is Mother Gothel, and I’m throwing her over the balcony myself.

Ok a little dramatic but oh man. I AM PEEVED.

let’s try this again

Ok, so. This was a hard plot to resolve. Not even MC could talk the Lees out of being stubborn and listening to no one. So finally Hana found a way to take action and show her parents she could stand on her own to get past their fear and convince them she’s not doomed out here in the wilds.

And it ties back into the reoccurring thread of this book, which is that you can get farther with friendship and allies than you can by trying to stubbornly go things alone.

Biggest issue: Ima chalk it up to pacing: Hana’s victory and plot get swept past pretty quickly for a moment with your LI. :/

...Which, granted, was a really good moment! That diamond scene was fantastically done and definitely one of my faves. ♥

Alright, let’s get more into it! This post turned entirely into blahblahblah about Hana’s plot so jump in for that ride. For reference, my MC is Riley and she’s romancing Maxwell, and I’ll probably have more about that later.

if you know anything about me, two things I am ALL ABOUT are HEISTS and DEFENDING MY FRIENDS.

(In elementary school, I was quiet and painfully shy up until the point when someone tried to bully my friend within earshot, and then the school would have to call my mom because I didn't yet know how to channel those emotions into anything except STRANGLE. Maybe somebody should've taught me about heists! ...Wait no stealing is bad.)

Except when your friend's parents are being awful and unreasonable and not LISTENING

OH man. Just arranging these photos made me so angry again. These two are barely invited to my wedding. The back table with cold soup for them!!!

Lorelai might get most of my ire, but Xinghai isn’t coming off much better.

Last week I guessed from all his sad sprites that he would be the weak link here, that we’d have to win him over to convince him to grow a spine and convince his wife to back off!!! but that isn’t what happened and I am kinda glad they didn’t go that predictable.

But hooo man. These two have been having a one-way conversation with their daughter for her entire life, and now that she’s finally trying to speak back, they’re like Huh wow I guess words do nothing!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Reminds me of that post about how “If you don’t respect me I won’t respect you” >>> “If you don’t respect my authority I won’t respect you as a human being”

The reveal that Hana’s dress is tied to her last good memories of her grandmother, and the BLATANT way Lorelai uses it to manipulate her is so damn cruel. Oh, sure, it was totally just coincidentally sitting on top of this pile~ my ass

I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. YOU WILL LIVE IN MY CASTLE WITH ME AND MAXWELL AND HAVE DANCE PARTIES AND BLANKET FORTS FOREVER.

So with that in mind, it sucks how being a good friend to Hana is so consistently paywalled :( I’m remembering back to the fondue scene in book 2 where she’s crying and everything, and if you don’t pay to invite the boys over, it’s kinda just like Oh man that’s rough buddy. :|

Basically, if you don’t pay for the dress heist, the conversation where you comfort Hana gets cut very short, and it isn’t even given the weighty music it gets in the diamond scene, which really helps set the tone. And then the tension has to share the stage with Lorelai possibly ruining your party.

I’ll be honest, if I had to choose between diamond scenes this week, it would have been the one with the LI, which is a great relationship-building one paired with sexitimes, and a good successor to the one two weeks ago where we finally get to talk about the future!

More on that later because HEIST TIME

We are nothing if not on brand here at Duchy Revanasi.

Off we go to recruit Maxwell or Olivia!

Olivia: You can say the punchline as many times as you want, Maxwell. It’s still not funny. Maxwell: Maybe I set it up wrong. I’ll start over from the top... MC: Sorry to interrupt! Olivia: Oh thank god.

jslkdj i love both of them

sorry Olivia, gotta see what shenanigans my fiancee can cook up.

b’awwwwwww.

Maxwell’s plan is to tell Lorelai they’re having a disco in the study!! A really really loud disco!!! Because “Riley said I could.”

Lorelai leaves immediately. Heheh.

as for Olivia, Our Lady of Drama, her tactic is uh. a little lacking in tact and I ended up being glad I went with Maxwell.

At least we got a little bit of... backhanded defensiveness from Lorelai. “not entirely to blame” :/

I live in support of Hana’s angry face, but Olivia please. Hana is having a time

Hana’s flirting tactic is straight to “take off your shirt” like damn girl

We find a sECRET pASSAGE (hooray!!!) to a really pretty sunset. :D

I really thought we were gonna take our LI back here later for a hot minute when MC was like “Hey I know a place!” but it ended up being the pretty balcony so I’m not complaining.

Thanks, I have great writers!

But god, this guts me. Hana never even had friends until she got here, she told MC that she was her first friend! Hana’s parents have been her only source of support for her entire life, of course she loves them and can’t picture her life without that, it’s all she’s had.

Hana’s dad says Hana isn’t equipped “for a life of independence” like MC was. Like, he’s obviously coming from a place of worry, but it’s blinding to him to how Hana is trying to fix that. She has been trying so hard to stand on her own two feet.

Her parents care, but they aren’t ready to listen to their daughter as a person. (respect vs respect again)

And damn, marrying someone like Neville would’ve been a disaster!!! Sure he’s rich, but he doesn’t exactly give off the impression he can make good decisions, so it would fall to Hana. Except with his arrogance and if Hana was as ideally subservient as her parents wanted her to be, she wouldn’t be able to.

ugh i need to take 10 showers just following this thread of thought.

sidenote, whomst the FUck let Neville onto my property. Gladys, get this punk trash outta here

...Rashad can stay. He's alright. And helps out Hana in the end so, hooray!

Oooo Hana is still into us T_T

That dress though! ♥ Usually i’m not into beadwork, but I adore the color, and how it makes MC look like a classy mermaid. I would love to wear that and swish around and feel how heavy it is.

Those poor dressmakers who spend an entire year preparing and then if the duchess just is like Actually nah.

:))) this made me laugh so hard. ISN’T IT. :[

She can’t take anything real from you. RUB IT IN HER FACE, HANA.

But oh man. Lorelai not only holding Hana’s love and her things hostage, but also playing to the press like Oh what a fancy new duchy you have, such a nice festival of hope, wouldn’t it be a shame if one of your best friends mothers CAUSED A BIG DAMN SCENE.

MC gives it the ole nyc try, but Xinghai is ready to hide behind his wife at a moment’s notice.

COOL MOTIVE STILL MURDER or in this case ‘cool motive still emotionally manipulating your daughter and forcing your wishes on her’

I AM TRYING SO HARD TO WORK WITH YOU HERE.

I think Lorelai’s bombshell for the press was the fake-out for someone getting murdered tonight. They went all out with the DRAMA MUSIC. Lorelai probably queued it herself, she clearly lives for the drama. GO AWAY. STOP RUINING THE MOMENT. People are trying to have wishes here >:(

[she’s talking about the chances of Xinghai making a business deal with Rashad on his own. sheesh, Lorelai’s not much more of a supportive wife than a mother, huh]

This image of Xinghai with the lantern breaks my heart a little. But I’m a sap. Damn discount George Takei, stand up for yourself and your daughter!

THIS, THOUGH. THIS SPEECH MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT. Your apologies are nice and all, but if you want to be a part of my life going forward? You can’t pull this shit again. That is exactly what she needed to say, and I’m glad she got to say it.

I tried a few different ways and all times came out of it with Lorelai’s approval. Curious if it is possible to fail? Also wonder if there were differences if you didn’t win Xinghai’s approval in the previous book.

ok i’m emotionally exhausted. the rest and Maxwell can wait for another post. i’m going to the gym or something

#the royal romance #hana lee #maxwell beaumont #trr #riley brooks #v plays choices #long post #sorry if you're on mobile

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berrycobbler · 7 years ago

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playride headcanons (with minor deere...)

i lied this is basically an entire fic but it’s written in headcanon format so uh just take it (also this all takes place post-squip)

also might delete this later bc it’s barely edited so! like and reblob!! @the-mangoos-n-craem

ok so a few months after they start dating christine and jeremy both start to realize they are uh maybe not straight

and they basically come out to each other like “so i have something to tell you” “me too!” “ok you go first” “no that’s fine you go first” “well i’ve been questioning my sexuality..” “ME T O O!!”

and while they are both very relieved to tell each other that they realize after a few more days that they don’t really feel a romantic connection and break up

jer realizes that while he still loves christine he had a crush on the idol he made her out to be, not the actual person

chris remembers her trepidation to date jerm in the first place bc it didn’t feel quite right.... but it was what everyone expected her to do and she’d figured she’d give it a shot

so basically the breakup is v mutual even tho jeremy’s thinking he might be bi while christine’s unsure but thinks she might not like boys at all???

eventually christine convince’s jeremy they should go to the gsa at their school together

acting with her usual pizzazz but in truth v nervous bc what it they don’t accept her? she doesn’t even know who she is what if she’s not really queer? etc

so anyway they go together after school and IMMEDIATELY christine notices brooke

not that she could miss her since brooke’s sitting at the front of the room next to jake, her copresident of the gsa — but gosh if chris wouldn’t’ve noticed her anyway because wowowow that soft blonde pixie cut and kind smile are just. overwhelming. and for a minute christine stops worrying about her orientation and just thinks, “i’m so fucking gay”

and brooke’s not fairing much better because their high school gsa isn’t all that big so she has to see christine, and she’s trying not to look at christine, because if she does brooke knows she’ll notice the cute gap between christine’s teeth that shows when she laughs (at jeremy, usually), and how shiny her hair is, and that oh my god she’s actually wearing a barette how cute can you get. and fuck if brooke doesn’t know all too well how she falls into love all too fast, but still. still.

and finally the meeting begins and of course brooke pays no mind to the way christine fidgets with her friendship bracelets while whispering to jeremy. nor does christine take note of how beautiful brooke’s deep, calm voice is.........

the second the meeting let’s out christine yanks jeremy away “we need to talk RIGHT NOW”

jeremy: “what!??”

christine: “wait so didn’t you used to date that girl?? the one with the blonde hair sitting next to jake????? i need info NOW also did you see how gorgeous she was because w o w”

jeremy: “oh. uh. that’s funny because uhh. sorry um didn’t you used to go out with jake? he’s.... pretty......”

christine: “ohmygod jER HAS A CRUUSHH”

jeremy: “hhshHSHJDFSDH SO DO YOU!!”

meanwhile brooke and jake are having similar gay crises (crisises?)

brooke: “and did you see how gorgeous her eyes were, that beautiful dark brown color, like, mahogany or some shit like that—”

jake: “yes yes i get it brooke you’re a huge lesbian—”

brooke: “pansexual”

jake: “yes sorry pansexual but jeremy’s hair was so cute and swoopy im—”

brooke: “i wouldn’t trust jeremy with my dead goldfish, that cheating bastard. you should stay away from him.”

jake: “I wouldn’t trust you with the goldfish either brooke, that’s why it’s dead. and anyway, who told you it was even jeremy’s idea to cheat, huh? chloe?”

brooke: “...”

jake: “that’s what i thought.”

ok settle down you two

anyway...... you can bet there’s lots of Useless Gay Pining™ in gsa after that

lotsa longing glances followed by quickly looking away when you make eye contact

brooke casually mentions that she’s trans one meeting and even though she knows chris will be cool with it (bc she’s not an asshole ya dig) she’s still a bit nervous,,,,,,

not to worry ofc, next time brooke looks in christine’s direction she’s beaming at brooke with pride and understanding and affection and brooke thinks she might faint dead away (and when chris sees brooke notice her she does too)

they finally exchange numbers even but still “as friends” because christine’s mostly used to guys asking her out and going along with it since she doesn’t know what else to do. and brooke — well, with guys she could flirt well enough, but girls? she doesn’t even know where to begin

help these shy babes

OK SO FINALLY!!! jake helps brooke to work up the courage to ask chris out “and what about you jakey boy what’s your master plan to get with jeremy huh??” “...mumble mumble” “what’s that i hear — SQUAK— a.. chicken? — bawkbawkbAWK”

brooke chooses flowers from her own garden for christine and spends so much time picking them out,,,, she loves plants so much but chris maybe even more

she goes to the play (which christine is starring in of course..) and afterward approaches her and gives her the flowers

“hey um wow you did so great in the play!! like really amazing! and you looked so pretty in your costume and... and i was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out with me sometime?”

christine is shocked and,,,,,, a little teary mayhaps

wow

and of course she says yes!!

hooray

and so there is lots of holding hands in the hallways

they like playing with each other’s hair

brooke braids christine’s, chris makes flower crowns for brooke out of clover flowers

hand kisses!!!

cheesy couple halloween costumes

christine as a queen and brooke as a knight but chris has brooke’s helmet and sword and brooke has christine’s crown and scepter

chris makes them do lots of musical ship cosplays but brooke doesn’t mind at all bc she’d do anything to make her girlf happy plus dressing up is fun

the kind of old fashioned ‘50s dates ppl like to reminisce (you know the ones i mean — milkshakes at dinners, black and white movies, etc) except they talk about intersectional feminism and heteronormativity and sci-fi (which brooke LOVES by the way) and also how gay they are for each other

sometimes just ordering sushi and rewatching star wars together is enough and that’s fun too

flip this is a lot longer than i expected it to be but yeah!! have this playride fluff i love them both so much

my writing tag

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lady-alayne · 7 years ago

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Game of Thrones: An Angry Recap

Season 7 Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf

Outside of King's Landing:

As Dany's troops are positioning themselves all around King's Landing, Bronn and Jaime have a deep and meaningful discussion about the construct of masculinity between the conflicting priorities of cocks and what-even-is-the-point-of-not-having-a-cock. Oh, the subtle socio-anthropological nuances of Game of Thrones, more refined each episode.

But back to Dany's troops! The Unsullied, motionless as ever, stand still as an army of Dothraki rides through their ranks making... scary noises? Where did they pick those up? I'm pretty sure the Dothraki were not yodeling like that in season 1. But, whatever, who cares about continuity? Most characters have been replaced by a caricature of themselves this season, so why not make the Dothraki more foreign and more different? Apparently it's supposed to make for some good TV instead of, you know, raising a lot of eyebrows and bordering offensiveness.

The real Team Dany, meanwhile, sails into King's Landing, and we find out that Jon is completely healed! Based on the established timelines, it took him about 10 minutes to heal and put his cothes back on, as this is approximately the time it takes to sail from the North to King's Landing. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Aaaaaaaaaand our sexist joke counter immediately goes DING! as Tyrion mentions the far superior King's Landing brothels. I mean... sure. The best brothel in show!universe was undoubtedly Littlefinger's fine establishment, which is not operating any more, so... someone else must have taken over? And how would Tyrion even know? Has he been to all the brothels? (Okay, he probably has.) Based on the show's characterization, I'd say the best brothels are in Dorne, but... who cares. Maybe D&D are contractually obligated to mention sex all the time. Or they probably just think it's worthy of all the Emmys, which, sadly, seems to be the case. Ugh.

The Dragonpit:

On the way to the dragonpit Missandei, who, if I may remind, IS THE QUEENS MOST TRUSTED ADVISOR, DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE A SMART MOVE TO CONTAIN A BUNCH OF GROWN UP KILLER DRAGONS. Thankfully, Jorah is there to mansplain how dangerous dragons can be. You know, to the woman who witnessed Dany's dragons torching countless flocks of innocent sheep, and eventually a child, which made Dany LOCK THEM UP. But, oh, what could the Dragonpit possibly be there for??? Tyrion then supermansplains how the last dragons died, because as soon as another male character (except for Jon) has more than 10 seconds screentime, Tyrion must be brought into the mix to remind us all how awesome he is.

Thankfully he is interrupted by Bronn, who came with Brienne and Pod for some reason, who seem to have teleported into King's Landing. Because it's Pod and there seems to be a law, Bronn makes a joke about Pod's magic cock. Sigh. Why won't D&D ever let us forget about that?

After a Brienne/Sandor and Tyrion/Bronn reunion scene, the gang finally makes it into the Dragnpit, which is FUCKING TINY. Even for one fully grown dragon it wouldn't be enough space to spread their wings and fly. But for several??? No wonder the dragons got the blues and stopped growing. Dude.

Finally Team Cersei arrives, and then—CLEGANBOWL GET HYPE!!! Or.... not, as Sandor chooses to walk away. Lame!

Dany shows up 15 minutes late without Starbucks, but on her dragon, which impresses Cersei exactly 0.00. Just as Tyrion is about to instigate a peaceful negotiation, Euron heckles him, leaving Theon... unperturbed??? What happened to your PTSD, Theon? I guess it comes and goes as the plot demands it. Realistic!

Cersei tells Euron to shut the hell up, and Team Dany finally have the chance to explain the threat beyond the wall to the Queen and even have their wight show-and-tell. Jon explains and demonstrates how to defeat them while looking like he's shooting a “How To” youtube video, which seems to convince Cersei, who accept the truce, and scare the shit out of Euron, who jumps up and yells, “SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING HOME.”

By the way. Jon explicitly states that wights CANNOT SWIM. THEN HOW DID THEY GET THE DRAGON OUT OF THE WATER????

In other news, Cersei's truce comes with one condition: That the North does not take up arms against the Lannisters, even after the White Walkers have been defeated. Unfortunately Jon's compromised dick honor prevents him from accepting those terms, and Cersei storms out. Brienne then tries to reason with Jaime by yelling “Fuck loyalty!” WHICH MAKES ABSOUTELY NO SENSE AND GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING BRIENNE STANDS FOR ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Saint Tyrion, who knows he is protected by plot armor, volunteers to talk to Cersei again and manages to sway her mind in about 3 seconds, which seems very plausible. Don't forget, the plot demands it.

Meanwhile we are treated to Jon's cringey attempt at flirting with Dany, who tells her, “You're not like the other girls! You're, like, super special!”

By the way, isn't it insanely warm under those furs? Why is Jon still dressed in his Northern collection?

Cersei reappears to promise her armies. Which makes me wonder... WHAT ARMIES??? Weren't they all torched by Dany on their way back from Highgarden, and the ones she spared bent the knee and are fighting for her now, anyway? What was even the point of this meeting? What armies can Cersei contribute???

An hour later we find out.... None. Because Cersei lied, and she has no intention to join the fight. This does not go over too well with Jaime, who gets into a heated argument with his sister and eventually storms out to ride... somewhere, just as the first snow is falling on King's Landing.

Dragonstone:

Back in their free castle, Team Dany are figuring out how to move the troops Norths. In one of the more obvious WHICH ONE WILL SHE CHOOSE??? moments, Jorah and Jon both suggest different ways for Dany to get there, and to no one's surprise she chooses Jon. Jorah, for real. You're better than this. It's just painful. MOVE ON.

Jon and Theon later have a heart-to-heart in the throne room that LITERALLY STARTS WITH THEON SAYING “YOU ARE ALWAYS GOOD AND SMART AND PERFECT.” Oh my god. Do D&D really think we are THAT STUPID? Do they really think we would not UNDERSTAND how PERFECT Jon is if it is not REPEATED OVER AND OVER??? To “help” with Theon's identity crisis, Jon then tells him he can be both a Greyjoy and a Stark, which... doesn't really help Theon at all, but it's the thought that counts I guess? Inspired by Jon's council, Theon then decides to rescue Yara. The Ironborn are TOTALLY against that, but then Theon beats one of them to death, so they are all for that. Hooray!

Now here's the thing. Theon's arc was amazing. He was a smug little asshole who made all the wrong choices and came to pay for them dearly. Ramsay broke him, in all ways a man can be broken. Theon became Reek. But his empathy with Sansa redeemed him, and Theon fought off his Reek state. And he found that last, tiny bit of strength, and let that fuel him. He was still broken and scared, but he ignored it because, finally, he wanted to do the right thing and help Sansa. That was beautiful.

What is NOT beautiful is having Theon repeat this arc over and over and over. He has spent the last two seasons in a perpetual Theon/Reek/Theon/Reek/Theon hamster wheel, always having the personality that would fit best into the rest of the bullshit D&D are trying to sell us as coherent plot. He's triggered by all the violence and jumps overboard when Euron abducts Yara, but when he faces him again in the dragonpit he cracks jokes about Euron and doesn't give a fuck. A little while later he is broken and remorseful again and regrets his life choices, once again deciding to rescue a damsel in distress to redeem himself, and is “empowered” by killing a man. (I will talk about D&D's idea of “empowerment through violence” in a later post). Not only does this once again underline the misogyny of GoT—women are merely used as props in men's character arcs, which a few exceptions—IT ALSO MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. What are you??? REEK OR THEON??? Stop yoyoing back and forth, for fuck's sake.

And don't even get me started on the Ironborn. Yara's crew is supposed to be the most loyal crew there is. These men are supposed to go through hell for their captain. But, no, as soon as it gets a bit inconvenient they decide to choose raping and pillaging instead, altought YARA WAS TOTALLY AGAINST THAT. And Theon beats one of them up and THEY IMMEDIATELY CHANGE THEIR MINDS AGAIN??? Honestly, if I was Theon, I would not trust these men AT ALL.

Winterfell:

Petyr Baelish is smart and wonderful. When Sansa gets a letter from Jon that must have read “Hi sis, just fyi, we're Targaryen bannermen now!” he notes that IT IS NOT EASY FOR RAVENS TO FLY IN THESE STORMS, thus proving that 1) he is the only character that somehow makes sense (despite his season 5 jetpack!) and 2) he absolutely has to die now because D&D can't have a character that's smarter than him. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord Baelish.

Sansa is understandably not super happy about Jon bending the knee, which makes Littlefinger suggest that she could be Queen in the North instead because IT IS HER BIRTHRIGHT ANYWAY. When Sansa notes that Arya might not be on board with that idea and murder her because of the cult she recently joined, Petyr smartly replies “I never trust godly men.” Which, you have to admit, makes him simply wonderful.

Then Sansa and Petyr discuss how likely it is that Arya wants to murder Sansa. And let's face it, based on everything that went down last episode, it seems pretty likely. Arya did threaten her WITH A DAGGER. And talk about WEARING HER FACE. So........ I REST MY CASE. IT SEEMS PRETTY LIKELY.

But who cares about logic, amirite? In the most foreseeable plot twist in the history of Game of Thrones, it turns out the Stark sister did NOT want to murder each other, but instead teamed up to take down the man whose only function had become to be an evil creeplord, so all the viewers would know that he should definitely be killed.

And once again Game of Thrones chose supposed “shock value” over consistency, logic, and good storytelling. Let me sum this up.

Petyr Baelish STARTED THE WAR OF THE FIVE KINGS because HE IS SUPER SMART. He knows everything about everyone and, more importantly, he knows how to use that knowledge to his advantage. He then used the ensuing chaos to RISE EVEN HIGHER in this world. Along the way he also RESCUED SANSA from King's Landing AND from being pushed through a moon door AND from being slaughtered during the battle of the bastards. Okay, he also sold Sansa to Ramsay, which was... stupid, and I hate D&D for making him do that. But all he did, he did for Sansa. Because he truly and genuinely LOVED HER.

But this poor, poor, unfortunate soul was not “badass” enough for D&D. They did not know what to do with this wonderful, complex character. And, frankly, they didn't care. All they cared about were the fans they were servicing. And the fans wanted to see him dead. So D&D went on tumblr and read the hate posts. And they put him on a mock trial for that. Sansa accused him of many things, things she had no reason to know, and don't tell me that Bran just KNEW THIS. We later see that Bran is not an omniscient superbrain. He merely has the power to see everything he chooses to see. That means Bran must have consciously chosen to watch Petyr Baelish throughout the decades to uncover all his crimes, so his sister could then accuse him of them. Seriously???

But who cares. Not the fans D&D are servicing. The wanted to see Petyr dead, because they, too, did not understand his character. They only see the world as black and white. Petyr was not good, so he had to be evil. And therefor he had to be killed. By three teenagers. Three kids, really. Three kids who are not evil, and therefor they had to be good, their actions reasonable, their violence justified.

This does not explain why Arya was threatening Sansa last week. Was it just a show for Petyr? Then why do it behind closed doors? Or did she actually mean it? Then when did she have a change of heart? It just makes no sense. It makes no fucking sense.

I mourn the death of one of the last complex, morally ambiguous characters. One of the original players. He set it all in motion. He played the Game like no one else. And he looked smoking hot doing it.

Rest in peace, my Lord Protector. You deserved better than this. And know that you will be avenged. In metas, in fanfictions, in fanart... We will right the wrongs that have been done to you. And you will live on in our hearts, and, for some of us, under our skins. Fly now to your rest, my sweet mockingbird.

***

But the story does not end there for the Winterfell gang. Bran is visited by Sam, and they talk about how Jon is actually... AEGON TARGARYEN????? WHAT?!?!?!?!?! THERE ALREADY IS AN AEGON TARGARYEN??? OR DID D&D DIMISH ELIA'S CHARACTER EVEN FURTHER AND CHOSE TO ONLY GIVE HER ONE CHILD INSTEAD OF TWO??? WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?!?!?!?! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way... GILLY FOUND OUT THAT RHAEGAR GOT MARRIED TO LYANNA, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE TOERAG. But Sam takes all the credit. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

And apparently Bran can now see everything from everywhere??? What happened to “You have to warg an animal or look out of a heart tree???” Too inconvenient for D&D?!?!?!?

Somewhere on the Narrow Sea:

Epic Boat Sex(TM) is actually a thing, y'all. I mean, it wasn't epic, more like... sweet. Until we found out Jon's banging his aunt. So... take that as you will.

Beyond the Wall:

JUST BURN THAT MOTHERFUCKING WALL TO THE GROUND AND KILL THEM ALL. I AM SO ROOTING FOR YOU. KILL THEM, BABY. KILL THEM ALL.

#got an angry recap #anti d&d #game of thrones

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r0b0ts-d0nt-have-feel1ngs · 8 years ago

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So, um.

I was watching a movie called The Sand. It had Mitchell Musso in it, so I was all "fuck yes, haven't seen this motherfucker since Hannah Montana! What's happening with this guy now?" That was a mistake. That was a horrible mistake. And here's why. First of all, it's supposed to be a Spring Break Thriller, like Jaws, or that one movie with the carnivorous small fish, and those are never good for a variety of reasons that showed up here. Needless boobs, pointless revelry, blondes and irresponsible adults with the cumulative IQ of a goldfish: all of this made a showing in The Sand. But instead of a serial killer on crystal lake, or a shark who's taken Darwin's theory of natural selection waaay to seriously, the titular monster of The Sand is, you Guessed it- the god damn sand. How can sand be scary? You all know that stupid game you'd play as kids? "The Floor is Lava?" Yeah, well, apparently some drunken Douchebag pulled some plot device out of the water and forgot about it while they were looking at the grand display of abundant cleavage. Turns out that today's Monster of the Week is some beach-spanning subterranean nightmare that is more photosensitive than an albino vampire. Nobody figures that out during party night, because everyone is drunk off their ass, and most of them either get bored and go home before the damn thing hatches, or fall asleep on the beach itself, face down with a mouth full of sand. We don't see those guys though, because the story Proper starts off after about ten minutes of constant flashbacks and flash forward that are vaguely reminiscent of what I'd imagine a drug bender to be like. We get some semblance of a storyline with the Heroine waking up on the chest of my boy Musso, who for the most part of the story is the Responsible Coward, inside a lifeguard's tower. given like ten seconds of assuming she served him a hefty dose of pity sex as we pan over to the rest of our cast: One Obese Black Male who will spend the majority of the film complaining about how he's stuck in a metal trash can on the beach with a dick drawn on his face One Bikini Clad Black Female, beautiful, snarky, and assumed to be sleeping with One Tall Blonde Dudebro Protagonist- it somehow turns into a major plot point that he is in a relationship with the Heroine, and apparently was flirting pretty hard with one of our female leads who is not the Heroine One Beach Blonde with a brain made of dust and panic Two Red Shirts, one with boobs and one without, I didn't bother trying to remember their names, so let's call them Panty and Trunks for now I won't be talking about them long. Great cast right? No, I'm sorry there weren't more, they all got eaten overnight in their drunken stupors. After we meet our cast, Panty the Red shirt wakes up topless and hungover, practically one of the guys already. We see her throw up over a bench and drunkenly stagger onto the sand, where she gets stuck. The Mistress, Blonde, Dudebro and Trunks the Redshirt wake up from their stupor all cuddled up in a topless car that had very little reason to be on a beach, and casually laugh off Panty's visible discomfort as post-kegger-to-the-colon hangover. They quickly discover however, that her discomfort and inability to dislodge herself from the sand was more than just drunken clumsiness, as she starts to slowly sink into the ground. This first kill is played up for drama, all screams and panic as this poor Mook is desperately pleading for help, inspiring Trunks to leap onto the sand to save her, trip, and fall to his knees before sinking into Oblivion right along with her. After these two die, the rest of the party freaks the fuck out. They do it convincingly enough, and if this movie had a better premise, I might be convinced that they were truly feeling the terror of the situation. The acting was great, but it doesn't save the travesty that is this terrible terrible premise. They calm down quickly enough, and make some discoveries. Underneath the sand are strange tendril-like appendages that seem to emerge about six inches out when they sense food. The thing underneath the sand was not quicksand, oil, aliens, or the government. And Mitchell didn't get any play, he just listened to a drunk girl's problems like a respectful young man. Black man in a Trash Can is uncomfortable and very scared. Never fear though ladies and gents, Dudebro the Protagonist is here, and gets the bright idea to use the two surfboards in the car to escape the beach in the most overhyped game of peanut butter river in known cinematic history. He makes his way to the Bench where Panty died for stupid reasons that aren't particularly relevant to the plot overall. What we needed was obviously more Drama Thing in the Sand is smart, and genre savvy, so it uses it's little tentacles to shift the surfboard, trying to make Dudebro fall into it's hungry grains and obtain more meaty goodness for itself. Dudebro was up on his planking game however, and rests his elbows firmly on the bench, and waits for the Sand Monster to reach more tiny hair like appendages a solid foot out of the sand and have a taste of his rock hard abs. Just a nibble though, because that shit was painful, as he quickly scampers onto the Panty Bench. He discovers that the sand demon is weak to fire, but more importantly a cooler filled with More Drinks! He quickly divvies up the loot, tossing his girls in the car more alcohol, the Dick-Faced Trash Man a bottle of water (which he complains about not getting sooner), and just as he's about to throw Musso the Heroine an ice cold Pepsi, logo facing the camera obviously, he roars in manly agony, and fucks up his throw. Turns out, sand hair is poisonous, and our Dudebro Protagonist is down for the count. Oh, he's still breathing, but he's not going to be doing anything relevant as he bleeds out from his torso. More pointless dialogue ensues as our hapless teenager crew mourns the fact that Nobody Will Save Them, when we as an audience meet our Idiotic Authority Figure, the Beach Patrol Cop. This guy drives by in His car, and asks why the hell the Teens are acting like they're on drugs, and obviously they tell him the truth. There's something in the sand that's eating their friends, and that he should stay in his car. Ain't that just like adults, we say Supernatural, they say it's "GHB ain't it?" So our Beach Cop, who obviously knows better than our sense of dramatic irony, steps out of his car, revealing to the plot that intelligent subterranean sand hair Cannot Penetrate The Thick Boots Of Law, and he walks around and investigates what the hell is going on with these kids, who had to be high to make a story like that up. Haha, I'm glad the authors gave us their inspiration there. I almost enjoyed Beach Cop, but he fell prey to the Plot, and his sacrifice gave us vital intelligence: Sand Hair is weak to Pepper Spray! As Beach Cop slowly fades into sand-covered Oblivion, Heroine walks down to the bottom step of the lifeguard's tower, and plucks the pepper spray out of the patrolman's hand as he begs for help. There's no way she was hot in that spring break sun as she pulled off a move that cold. With Dudebro Down, the Redshirts gone, and Man in a Can begging for freedom from this shitty day, there is but One man who can save the three remaining cast. Mitchell Musso, who decides that he's going to wrap his feet in thick towels, coat the towels in Pepper Spray, and run for the Dead Cop's car. He trips, and we get two more minutes of needless gore as the Sand Hair eats away his clothes, and burrows through his skin, obviously too excited at meeting it's favorite actor to invite him inside before eating. All hope seems lost for the remaining cast, but the Heroine remains. She gets the bright idea of breaking the supports off the lifeguard's tower, jumping onto the car, laying the supports over the sand, and starting another game of peanut butter river over to Dead Cop's ride, because theirs wasn't working the whole movie. Of course now is the time when the relationship drama comes to a head, as the dark skinned character who wasn't screaming the whole time about his lot in life admits that she never slept with Dudebro. He didn't even get to first base. Hooray for that subplot resolution. She was probably the most eager to end the movie too, because she's the one who lays out the supports, and tightropes it back to the Panty Bench to check on Dudebro, who's still alive at this point, just not doing anything but breathing. Heroine goes second, quick to save her boyfriend before executing her grand master plan to save our Trash King, who by now is bleeding down the metal can for the dramas. Lastly goes our final Blondie of the ensemble, and of course she trips before making it to safe. She's obviously never played the ground is Lava before. Before she falls, however, The Heroine, with her quick Reflexes sprays the ground with Pepper Spray, and we discover that Sand Hair is Immune to pepper Spray! RIP, honey, this movie didn't give you the respect you deserve. This leaves us with four characters left-shit- I mean three characters, because now Sand Hair can Eat Through Metal Cans! Our Trash Complainer, the poor fat bastard gets the privilege of being dragged under by the Extra Large tentacles, and our Remaining PoC gets Knocked Unconscious on the hood of the police car. We pan over to the night, because apparently it took Heroine hours of screaming to wake up the remaining lady, who finds of all things, a plastic life raft atop the vehicle, perfect for hiding from subterranean monsters that can eat through steel. The raft is activated, and put between the Panty Bench and the Escape Car. Heroine wakes up her boyfriend Dudebro with The Power Of Love, and they set fire to the monster beneath the sand as the last of the life drains from Dudebro's body. I mentioned he was poisoned right? Yeah. And that is why I want Wizards of the Coast to make a Gatewatch Movie.

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