#finally admitted to myself that I Hate Digital

[transrevolutions]

unearthed a drawing I did of @thecandlesticksfromlesmis's modern au enjolras circa early 2022. god what I'd give to be able to draw like this again.

[nxtaliaistyping]

scarecrow escaping from Arkham to go to his partner's house and show her how much he missed her (I leave you that idea)

Scarecrow coming back to his girlfriend’s place <3

Author’s note: love love love this request, doctor crane my beloved <3

18+ nsfw, fem reader, fear play mentions, creampie

As Jonathan heaves his way through the typical rain that covered Gotham city at this time of year, he realises he’s still smiling.

Gassing the imbeciles that make up the security team at Arkham asylum had been a gleeful experiment. He’d watched with the familiar glint in his eye how they’d grabbed at their own throats in terror, writhing on the floor as the horror filled their senses.

But he had to tear himself away, knowing this was his chance at escaping. So he’d slipped away from the asylum, keeping to the shadows so no eagle eyed night walker would notice the garish orange of the Arkham prisoner jumpsuits.

His first instinct was to go to a safehouse, get to work right away at enacting his revenge on the city for incarcerating him. But his feet seem to have a mind of their own, and as much as he hates to admit it, his heart does too. So he finds himself knocking harshly on your apartment front door.

On the other side, you're a startled wreck. It's 1am for gods sake, and someone is banging on your door. With a shaky voice you ask who it is, your breath catching as you do.

"...it's me..."

You'd recognize that voice anywhere, and with a furious conviction, you open the door and see your lover standing there. He stumbles in, running a hand through his slightly greasy hair before slamming the door behind him. His hands are on you immediately, pushing you against the wall as he breaths raspily.

"Missed you sweetheart...like you wouldn't believe."

His tone has your skin tingling with excitement as you reach out and gently touch his jawline, as if you confirm he's actually here. "How did you..."

"I'll tell you later." he remarks gruffly, before his lips attach to your neck and gently suck, like his first instinct was to remark you as his own. "Just missed you."

Before it can strike you just how vulnerable he's being, he captures your mouth in a searing kiss that effectively kills off any lingering thoughts you had. It's clumsy and messy, his need winning out over technique as his tongue traces your own.

He moves to place sloppy kisses down your neck, tugging the straps of your nightgown to access more skin. He grins as he feels the material in his fingers; he'd always told you how much he loved that nightgown on you, said it reminded him of a slasher victim in a bad horror film, one who'd provocatively search the house before being killed in a gruesome way.

The white lace makes you look so...vulnerable in his eyes, like a lost lamb willingly baring her neck to the wolf who wants to eat her. So he keeps tugging, until your breasts spill out over the fabric. He attaches his lips to them, sucking softly as you gasp and run fingers through his hair.

"Jonathan...bedroom." you say, knowing that in his state, he'd most likely end up fucking you right there in the hallway. He reluctantly detaches himself from your tit, tugging you hastily to your bedroom and pushing you down onto the mattress.

"You don't know what it was like in that damn place." he remarks, finally getting sick of your nightdress all together and roughly tugging until it hangs loosely around your ankles. "How infuriating it was. I had Nygma in the cell next to me ranting that nobody was matching wits with him, and Tetch in the other going on about wonderland or whatever bullshit."

He moves to your wet pussy, hole twitching slightly as he runs his long digits through your folds. Catching the wetness, he circles your clit in precise circles as he continues. "Couldn't even relieve myself without someone ruining the fantasy."

"What were you thinking about?" you ask, and the grin he gives you should frighten you...if you were anyone else.

"Oh dear...I was thinking of you dripping over my lap, high on my fear toxin as i delivered spank after spank over that pretty ass of yours."

You whimper at his words, just as he sinks two fingers inside your cunt. He crooks them, feeling your g spot and sighing at the familiar texture. "And about how delicious you'd look as I fucked you, so scared and brainless, clinging onto me for dear life."

He fingers you quickly, eager to prep you so he can be inside of you once again. He never used to be like this, so desperate for wanton physical contact. But you've changed him, wormed your way into his life and heart until he craves you, craves the reactions and noises you give him as you lie helplessly beneath him.

"A pity I used up all my toxin on the guards." he lies, in truth he has some left over in his overall pocket, but he keeps up the charade. "Oh what a lovely victim you always make."

He pulls his fingers out roughly, giving your swollen clit a nice spank for good measure before hastily stripping. You sit up to watch him, missing him just as much as he'd missed you. The dangerous man before you had been the subject of all of your salacious and desperate fantasies as you'd touched yourself the whole time he was in Arkham. Nobody was like him, nobody could give you the thrill that Jonathan could. And as he rubs his swollen cock along your folds, feeling the way you write, you know that you don't want anyone else.

He enters you, giving you the courtesy of going slowly as he deduces it'll have been a while since you've had something substantial filling you up like this. As he bottoms out with a guttural groan, your fingernails dig in to his shoulders, the pain delicious to Jonathan as he bucks his hips, driving his cock impossibly deep.

"Fuck...you minx." he mutters, starting to fuck you. Each thrust he ensures that he's reaching as far in as he can, wanting to feel every bit of you.

You moan softly with each thrust, telling him how much you missed him too, how lonely it's been without him. And each sentence has his heart-rate spiking in a way that feels dangerous. He never meant to form attachments, thinking it as weak, or a distraction from his work. But it's clear now more than ever that he can't let you go.

So he drives into you faster, burying his face in your neck and biting, leaving harsh hickeys all over your throat. "Mine...mine."

"All yours Jonathan."

He groans again at your words, feeling his dick throb with desire. He knows he won't last long, being apart from you for so long (and his age) meaning his stamina has taken a direct hit. But he savors the moment regardless, feeling you on your back beneath him, like you were meant to be.

"Not gonna last..." he warns, and you nod in understanding, locking your legs around him to ensure he cums inside.

With a couple more thrusts, he empties himself inside your cunt as it milks him for all he has. His moan is broken and desperate, but the relief is palpable in his tone as he relaxes. The tension in his shoulders seems to lift, as his breath heaves.

"I...really did miss you." he reiterates, somewhat annoyed at himself for feeling the need to tell you once again, but the soft look on your face makes it worth it...at least a little.

[joonsytip]

Anonymously Yours || Joshua Hong

Pairings: Joshua x Fem!Reader Genre: Fluff, Angst, Humour (broken coz mine), high school au, enemies to lovers au, strangers to lovers au, anonymously yours au. Synopsis: After an accidental text message turns into a digital friendship, you and Joshua start crushing on each other without realizing you both see each other frequently in real life. Notable Mention: You both hate each other's guts.... Word Count: 18.6k Inspired By: Mexican Flick - Anonymous yours. Warnings: profanities, Joshua acts dumb one big time, mentions of periods, tears and tears but mostly fluffy, protagonists don't know how to act around each other (lmk if I missed any) Banner credits to my baby @wannabeyourshua . Also, it's your birthday present from me, hope you like it! Taglist: @wannabeyourshua @hoeforhao @kimmych @chocolatekdramakpopfreak @starlight-night0 @alyssng @imsjane @i-dont-give-a-fok @gaebestie @meowmeowminnie @hanniehaeism

Please heart, comment and reblog, would really help to keep me going <3

[SVT Flick : Fic Masterlist] [SVT Masterlist]

Unknown Number:

[3:05 AM] Hey!

It was great meeting you! Maybe we should meet again sometime soon :)

What do you think?

You:

[3:09 AM] It's 3am for god's sake???

You got the wrong number!

Unknown Number:

[3:10 AM] Haha, not funny! It's me.

You gave me your number at the party :(

[3:12 AM] They gave you the wrong number obviously.

Now stop right there & let me sleep!!!

The blaring sound of the alarm is hurting your ears and adding to your headache.

"Ugh, I can't even sleep without getting interrupted.", you groan but manage to lift your body to do two trivial things. One, stopping that goddamn alarm. Two, checking your phone.

8 AM. The time glares back at you.

You have a class at 9, well assignment submission to be more precise and you're still in your bed, half awake, half grumpy.

Next half an hour goes in a blur as you gobble down your breakfast and smoothie that your mother makes daily, it's almost like a tradition and good part is that you don't hate it. The only bad part is that the same conversation that follows everyday of them insisting you to join the family business and you dismissing them because you have a passion that you want to turn into profession.

Currently you're waiting for your best friend, Hyerin, who's never not late to pick you up.

Some insights on Hyerin, she's your best friend, have been your friend since when you knew could pronounce that term. She's pretty, easy going, quite popular and star player of the school's tennis team.

Hyerin Calling....

You don't have to pick up that call so rather you are running straight down the block knowing that she's waiting there with her jeep.

"Babe, I'm late because of her.", she says as she points at her younger sister, Hyejoo who is seated in the backseat.

"I admit. But you know the other 99 times of 100, we're late because of whom", she immediately quips back in her defense.

You roll your eyes, bored of their banter and turn on the radio to have a vibe to jam to till you the reach the school.

As soon as you cross the threshold of the school, Hyerin is hijacked by Jeonghan, her tennis partner and Hyejoo situates herself with basketball teammates when she spots them.

And you're left alone.

And you're used to it.

The final bells rings indicating that you should be now sprinting to the class to avoid the grudges of your literature teacher.

You are with your full concentration tangling the wires of your earphones around the phone while climbing up the stairs when you suddenly bump into someone.

Your head whips up to see the other person, glaring at you having his shirt stained in coffee which he was supposed to drink.

"Sorry, very sorry", you take out your handkerchief and just as try to dap on the shirt, that person backs away.

"Please give your number, I'll pay for the dry cleaning.", you say politely.

"No need, I can pay for myself", that person grumbles, "Do me favour and from next time keep your eyes open while walking."

He says and walks away leaving you speechless and infuriated.

"What an ass, I was trying to nice.", you mutter before sprinting to the class.

Joshua is already having a bad day so when the only thing he was looking forward to, coffee from his favourite café got spilled on his shirt because of some girl who can't walk straight, he is vexed.

Fortunately, he doesn't have classes within next hour so he goes straight to basketball ground. He has been enrolled into this high school recently so he has no friends, neither he intends to make any.

He fishes out his phone and taps on a contact who's name he doesn't know and proceeds to send a text.

Joshua:

[9:35 AM] Hey, sorry for waking you up last night.

Stranger:

[9:36 AM] No worries, I fell asleep right back.

Joshua:

A heavy sleeper it seems lol.

Stranger:

[9:37 AM] You can say that. And whoever did this to you is so mean, they could have told you no instead of doing this.

Joshua:

[9:37 AM] Ikr. I was at this party last night when my best friend insisted me to ask her number coz according to him I was checking her out.

Stranger:

[9:40 AM] Didn't work out for you :(

"Hey cutie, are you new here?", Joshua who is now quietly watching the match is called out by Hyejoo.

"I am.", he responds right away.

"Wanna play with us?", Hyejoo asks twirling the ball on her index, a sly smile set on her lips.

"Yes.", Joshua simply says and jogs down to the play arena.

"Before we get started, I'm hosting a party today and you're invited.", Hyejoo says, her expecting eyes staring at him.

"Thanks for the invite but sorry I won't be attending.", Joshua replies and extends his hand, asking for the ball.

Hyejoo immediately backs down, tossing the ball , "Then you don't get to play."

"What?", Joshua's face twists in a mix of confusion and rage.

"You heard it right.", Hyejoo taunts him further.

"Are you being serious?", Joshua chuckles in disbelief, "Such a spoilt brat."

Hearing this, Hyejoo's friend Jisung walks upto him and grabs his collar in aggression, "What did you say?"

"Exactly what you heard. You're her bodyguard or what?", Joshua smirks.

And the next second a hard punch lands on his face. Just as he was about to retort the sports coach shouts, "The group over there, you're all going for detention."

A series of groans are heard.

You look around in utter disappointment. Well, detention room could and should never be appealing to anyone.

It's your fault you're here because you couldn't cure your curiosity when you saw a text from the familiar unknown number and your hands immediately to had respond back even after getting two warnings from the teacher.

Sitting idle never does you good, so you deck your bag on the desk which is going to act as a makeshift pillow and next you rest your head on it.

Joshua enters the room and the first person he spots is you, who had deprived him the privilege of drinking morning coffee.

With a scowl set on his face, he walks past you and sits on the corner most seat.

Next, a smile plasters on his face as he takes out his phone goes through the conversation between him and the stranger.

Mrs. Yoo walks in with all her glory knowing she's very much despised by the students not because she's an ass of a person but for her detention projects she puts everyone through.

You heave a sigh, unbothered to greet the teacher.

Her heels clanks sharply against the floor as she walks to the teacher's desk and taps her finely manicured nail against the table with a sickening sweet smile plastered on her face, sweet enough to make everyone else present in the room barf out.

"I'll get to the point straight. Block your calendars for Saturdays & Sunday, 2 to 5, every week.", she orders, unphased by the string of protests coming in.

You exchange glances with Hyejoo, who looks equally terrified.

"But I have classes", you speak up, "And I guess everyone has some or other sort of commitments as well."

"That's for you and everyone else to manage. Should have thought before.", she points her eyes at you and moves on, "I'll create a gc and add everyone of you. So the venue of next meetup will be shared across. And I want full attendance.", her voice holds the authority and every single being present there knows that they would be attending otherwise the wrath of Mrs. Yoo is not something anyone would like face.

Sundays are no more Fundays.

Hyerin's are rich rich. So whenever her parents are out of town for business, both the sisters throw parties and invite the whole town, okay not whole but they'll be almost there soon.

And you are present in each of them, as a pure obligation and to be a good friend to Hyerin.

Parties are not your thing, it never was and it's safe to say it will never be. Because your social batteries are weak and that's why while everyone is doing beer pongs or fuzzy duck or whatever questionable things, you sit by the pool, in calm, legs dipped in the cold water.

"Oh there's my girl!", you hear Hyejoo as she sits beside you.

"Congrats, you found me.", you shrug and swing your legs lightly in the water, making a brief eye contact with her.

"Thanks for coming.", she says leaning on her shoulders, "I know parties are not your thing but your presence matters. And thanks for these dresses? Like I don't know how you do it everytime, you have magic in your hands ."

"Don't go all sappy on me, Joo.", you chuckle and lay your head on hers, "But thanks for the words."

"Anything for you, love.", she smiles and closes her eyes basking in your presence until she hears a call of her name.

"Gotta go.", she immediately gets up and sprints to the hall as she yells, "Tell me whenever you wanna leave, I'll drop you off!"

You shake your head and take out your phone.

You:

[9 PM] You there?

Unknown Number :

[9:01 PM] Hey!

Just pulling a marathon of Victorious.

[9:02 PM] Cool! Cat Valentine my love.

Do you like parties?

Unknown Number:

[9:04 PM] Depends on the people, both accompanying and hosting.

What about you?

You:

[9:05 PM] I don't exactly like parties.

I'm that miserable wallflower :(

Unknown Number:

[9:07 PM] Come on, you're not miserable, it's just that you don't feel it, you're not into it.

You :

[9:09 PM] Maybe....

Joshua stares at the phone screen a little longer before chucking the phone on the bed. He sighs and his thoughts drift away to the same old wistful thinking.

There's a knock on the door and he hums in acknowledgement, allowing the person to enter.

"Make space for me, I'm tired.", Mingyu is already nudging Joshua who lets out a grunt but shifts anyway.

"If you're tired, go to your home and sleep on your bed.", Joshua remarks in an agitating tone but both of them know that he's actually far from that.

Mingyu laughs and snuggles closer to him, "That's not how you treat your best friend.", he playfully quips, "I have a match on Sunday, you're coming right?"

"When have I missed any of your matches?", Joshua rolls eyes, "Mixed Doubles?"

Mingyu nods, "The practice is thinning me tired.", he then taps on Joshua's arm and the later extends his arm so Mingyu can lay his head on.

"How's new school?", Mingyu asks.

A bit of silence before Joshua answers, "It's okay."

"Made new friends?", Mingyu asks with concern.

"No. Don't wanna.", Joshua says, "I'm just doing it because I have to."

"Tried talking to your mom about this?"

"Gyu", he trails off even though he has so much to say.

"I'm all ears Josh. Even if it's the same old talk, I'm willing to listen. Please tell me.", he insists.

"I had promised dad, that I'd become like him.", Joshua stills when that exact memory flash in front of his eyes, "After his death, I have fully devoted myself to studies so that I can get accepted to the best law academy. My mom always keeps on encouraging me and I know she wants to keep my dad's profession alive through me because she thinks I'm as much interested She's not at fault for doing so but..."

Mingyu waits with all the patience in the world, just for his friend to pour out everything, so that it hurts him less, so that his suffocation lessens even if in miniscule amount.

Pouring out is always better than bottling in.

Joshua relents for a moment but he knows that the listener is never going to judge him, that he's always there to share the burden so he continues, "When I was younger it was fascinating, I wanted to become lawyer but in recent years I don't feel the same. Heck, I don't even know what I like or what I'd like to have in as a career but it's definitely not something in law."

Mingyu listens and he worries a lot about his best friend because he knows that Joshua isn't particularly vocal and impulsive. He's neither outspoken nor indecisive.

If it had been him, Mingyu would have relayed his thoughts to his parents and worked a way out but it's not him.

It's Joshua.

It's Joshua, who would never willingly hurt his mother, even if it costs his mental health and choices.

It's Joshua, who on Mingyu's fifteenth birthday gifted him a Yonex Racket because Mingyu wanted one from long time but his parents weren't interested to invest in such an expensive racket. It had costed Joshua all his savings. It also costed Joshua his ears for all the scoldings he got from his and Mingyu's parents.

Mingyu is perceptive.

Joshua is also perceptive except for times when it comes to himself.

"Take your time Josh. We're too young to be worried about stuffs.", Mingyu says and turns to the other side, "Set the alarm at 6. I have practice."

"You're so bothersome.", Joshua quips with no seriousness instead setting the alarm on his phone but only after kicking Mingyu on his shin, "Go change into something comfortable atleast."

Mingyu just hums and Joshua pulls over the comforter.

Mrs. Yoo stands patiently and all the students wonder why in the world they are standing outside an abandoned playground.

"I am gonna divide everyone in teams of two and you're gonna paint the walls of this playground.", Mrs. Yoo smiles wide as she sees the distress showcasing on the faces of her students, "and do gardening."

"What's the meaning of us doing all this?", you voice out in genuine concern.

"To make you all aware of the privileges you have been availing all your life.", Mrs. Yoo answers, "And I decide when the detention will be over so behave accordingly."

As if it wasn't already nauseating, Mrs. Yoo decides it's best if you pair up with Joshua Hong.

The same Joshua Hong who can't look at you without glaring.

"So let's start with making the soil bed", you say not looking at him as you two manage to gather some wooden sticks and tie the ends together.

Joshua hums disinterested and suddenly pours the bag containing manure into the bed without soil.

"Stop! what are you doing?", you scream as if facing a mid life crisis and he glares at you again.

You sigh, "That's not how it's done. We'll have to put a layer of soil and level it first --"

"Fine.", he cuts of you and starts pouring the soil bags one after one.

Your eye twitches and you think Joshua Hong can't be this dumb. He is definitely trying to stress you out.

"You're not helping at all, if you're doing it wrong.", you relay your mind to him and it irks you more when Joshua's response is same, it comes in form of his glare.

You glare back at him and he finally says, "Okay, do it yourself then."

He walks away and you're actually relieved because being in his vicinity is becoming the bane of your existence.

Suddenly your phone dinges and you smile looking at the notifications.

Unknown Number:

[3:26 PM] I'm having a really bad day ಠ_ಠ

You:

[3:28 PM] Yours wouldn't even compare to mine.

There's this boy whom I really can't tolerate but we keep on meeting.

Unknown Number:

[3:29 PM] Lol Same! There's a girl and I don't want her to even breath in my direction.

You: [3:30 PM] Damn, we're in same predicament huh.

Unknown Number:

[3:31 PM] Guess so... Gotta go, bye.

You:

[3:32 PM] Bye bye! He's coming towards me again, gosh ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

Unknown Number:

[3:32 PM] Goodluck, I guess...

Joshua laughs as he sends the text. The lingering smile on his face immediately vanishes when his eyes lands on you.

"Do you prefer to paint with brush or rollers?", you ask Joshua who's busy watching something on his phone.

He presses pause button on the screen and looks at you, "First of all, I can't paint to save my life.", he states, "So brush or rollers doesn't matter. It's same for me."

You nod and hand him a roller, "You won't be much help here too, so please do a favour and with start painting the walls these rollers, roll up vertically please. Don't change the direction."

"Who are you to order me around?", Joshua glares at you.

You think you are going to get hernia because of stress he's giving you lately.

"I'm someone who knows how to paint so instead of running your mouth why don't you try utilising those hands of your?", you spat out and turn around walking to the opposite side.

Joshua sees red.

He thinks he's going to have appendicitis because of the stress you're causing him.

You smile looking at the beautiful hues in the paint buckets.

Atleast something is able to calm your nerves.

"Don't you think he's handsome?"

Suddenly an arm is thrown over your shoulder that almost causes you to topple to the front.

"Who?", you quirk your brows questioningly at Hyejoo.

"Duh, who else your  partner. Joshua Hong.", she answers and turns you around so now you have to look at Joshua again.

You squint eyes at him, "He definitely looks good but he's an asshole."

Hyejoo smirks, "Really? I thought he's a cutie. Anyways, I like him."

You make gagging noises, "You have had not less than thousand crushes and that's totally cool but please not him."

"As if I'd listen to you."

"Yeah whatever. Maximum a week and then you will get to a new guy as always.", you mumble, "So fine."

Hyejoo leaves after Mrs. Yoo warns her to not pester anyone.

You sigh in relief and take out your phone.

You:

[4 PM] Whatcha doing'

Unknown Number:

[4:01 PM] Something I don't know how to do...

You:

[4:02 PM] Lol why?

Unknown Number:

[4:03 PM] Pure Compulsion.

You:

[4:03 PM] Ugh sucks.

Unknown Number:

What sucks more is when you have no one who understands you.

You:

[4:04 PM] Know that feeling.

I feel like no one understands me as well.

Unknown Number:

We have been talking for few days now and we don't even know each other names.

So may I know your name?

You stare at your phone screen, re-reading the text that had just appeared. Suddenly a pleasant idea pops in your mind and you happily type that away.

You:

[4:08 PM] I have an idea.

We won't share our names, any personal details, voices messages or pictures.

We'd be anonymous and get to know each other for real.

What say?

Joshua's face morphs into something that's both confusing and amusing. He doesn't think much finding it fun to try something new.

Joshua:

[4:10 PM] Let's that do.

Anonymous, saved.

Anonymous :

[4:10 PM] Anonymous, Saved :)

Joshua stands up holding the roller and tries to follow what you said. He dips the roller into the paint bucket containing orange paint and starts rolling it up vertically section wise.

He is having fun, too much fun that he accidentally spills the colours on the white tee shirt he is wearing underneath the jacket.

"What the hell?", he grunts, looking at his now stained tee, "Why doesn't anything work out for me?"

He feels emotional all of a sudden. He feels vulnerable, every thoughts that were pushed at the back of his mind starts to resurface.

He remembers the day he lost his father.

He remembers the moment when the girl he liked left the city one day and never came back.

He remembers --

"Hey, are you okay?"

Joshua hears you and falters at the tone of concern in your voice.

He simply nods and faces the wall.

"I can help you", Joshua stiffens but immediately relaxes when you say further, "to fix your tee."

"Do you have spare clothes?"

Joshua turns to face you and nods.

"So go get changed now and give me this tee.", you state and he throws an incredulous look.

"Are you planning to ruin my tee?", he asks, "What are you gonna do with it?"

"You'll see.", you say rolling eyes, "Hurry up, we don't have forever."

Joshua gets changed and hands you the tee.

You search your bag and take out your sewing kit.

Joshua sees your hands skim through the bag again and this time you fish out a bunch of cloth patches.

Next hour passes in a blur as you cut the ends of threads with scissor.

"It's done I guess.", you sigh and look at Joshua, "Manageable? Looks descent?"

He gapes at the tee in your hand and then he gapes at you.

You think he's cute with those bambi eyes resembling that of deers.

He is shaken out of trance by your light nudge.

"Woah, you're....", he manages to speak out, "so good... You gave this tee a whole new look and it's obviously trendier then the previous one."

You smile at his compliments. A smile that doesn't reach your eyes.

"Glad you liked it." you hand him the tee and start to assemble all the scattered tools and clothes putting them in your bag.

Then without another word, you get up and start to walk away.

Joshua ponders as he sees your figure diminishing from his sight, "Why did she look sad even if I was complimenting her?"

"Damn, did you see that!!", you scream absolutely astonished when Hyerin & Jeonghan won the break point of the game, leading the first set 5-3.

"That's my sister!", yells Hyejoo and looks at you, "She's so good, if she wasn't my sister, I'd have been a fan."

The next game starts soon with Jeonghan doing the first serve and that ends quickly both of them sweeping the game with 40-0. Mingyu and his partner Seji are down by a set.

"Come on Mingyu! You can do better than this!"

You heard a very familiar voice not from far and crane your neck to see Joshua cheering up the opponents.

Must be his friends from previous school, you think.

"Oh my god, Josh's here too.", Hyejoo squeals and you roll eyes choosing to ignore her.

You are recording the match when you feel Hyejoo fleet from your side and it doesn't take a genius to figure out she's going to Joshua.

With the camcorder still recording you turn and through the lens you see a very agitated Joshua who's constantly ignoring whatever Hyejoo is saying.

A smile creeps upon your face.

Joshua suddenly turns and your gazes meet through the lens.

And you freeze.

Joshua squints his eyes at you before walking away and towards the players resting area which makes you realize that the opponents won the second set and you should be doing the same.

You hurriedly run over only to see a pissed off Jeonghan which is scary because the guy is always full of mischiefs and is a moodmaker.

"What happened Han?", you ask and the stare he gives you is enough to regret speaking up.

"Seji, she's his ex Y/N.", Hyerin explains further, "They used to play together and since they didn't end up on good terms it's kinda hard for him to see her and play against her." That clicks, why Seji seemed so familiar to you.

You give a nod of understanding and next you're crouching in front of him and he looks at you in confusion, "Whatever that happened must have happened for a reason and it's all in the past Han. I think it's an opportunity for you."

Jeonghan perks up, "Opportunity?"

"Yes opportunity.", you pat his arm, "For you to get over her and to discard all those lingering feelings. Also to get the cup and lift that trophy. You could have it all sorted Han, it's your now or never moment."

Hyerin listens to you mesmerized and Jeonghan cracks an all toothy grin.

"Thanks Y/N.", he acknowledges, "For making me see things clearer."

You get and huff, "I don't want your thanks. Just win this match and treat me to BRs."

"Okay deal.", Jeonghan extends his pinky and you hook yours to his.

"There's still time, strategize your play", you say looking at the timer, "All the best guys!", and you run away.

"Thank God, Seji has gone to washroom.", Mingyu sighs in relief, "She's already pissed off since she knew we're playing against Jeonghan and if she heard all this, I'd be in trench because you can't motivate the shit to Seji like that girl did."

Joshua glares at his best friend, "Why is this falling on me? Neither I'm playing with you, nor I'm the ex boyfriend. So keep me out of it. If Y/N impresses you that much why don't you ask her for motivation directly."

Mingyu smirks, "Oh Y/N it is. Joshua Hong why do I get this feeling that you're not on good terms with her? I mean your tone says that."

Damn Kim Mingyu for knowing his best friend so well.

Joshua scoffs, "I think you have better things to worry about.", he gets up, "If you loose today, I won't allow you crash at my place for a month."

Mingyu dramatically gasps, "Are you in your right mind? You're scaring me Josh, please don't do this."

"So win this match.", Joshua smirks, 'Think this as your motivation to win."

Mingyu and Seji loose the match.

While you are celebrating with your Hyerin, Jeonghan and Hyejoo, Joshua is getting pestered by Mingyu.

"Are you serious right now?", Joshua asks in disbelief, "You just lost to them and know you want to know if Hyerin is single?"

Mingyu nods quietly liked a kicked puppy but he has no shame at all.

"Really?", Joshua asks again to confirm and when Mingyu doesn't respond he kicks his shin, "Fine. I'm going."

Joshua trudges through the crowd to find someone.

He finds you.

"Hey", he greets and you just nod at him.

"Uh can you help me with something?", he tries to sound as polite as possible, "I just wanted to know something."

"Go ahead."

Though he's cursing at Mingyu in his mind, nonetheless he asks, "You're good friends with Hyerin right?"

"Yeah we are best friends.", you say proudly looking at her as she holds the trophy and chats with Jeonghan.

"Is she single?"

The smile drops off your face and you throw a death glare at Joshua.

"Why do you wanna know that?"

Beads of sweat accumulates on his forehead as Joshua stumbles upon his words, "I-I, well-- It's..", and he finds this sudden urge within himself to explain it you before you misunderstand further, "Mingyu, my best friend, he wants to know about her."

"Didn't he just loose a match?", you ask him while your questioning gaze is fixated at Mingyu.

"Exactly! That's what I told him", he explains, "But he's like that only so if you could tell me.."

"She's single.", you respond to shut him up.

Joshua quietly cowers away.

"She's scary.", Mingyu laughs, "I thought she was going to bite off your head."

"Asshole.", Joshua quips, "She's single. Go shoot your shot."

Mingyu's eyes twinkles and skips away immediately.

Later, Mingyu manages to get Hyerin's number.

Mingyu and Hyerin are dating.

"Please Y/N", Hyerin literally corners you in your own bedroom, "It's just a double date--"

Your face contorts in distaste, "And with whom? Joshua Hong. No. Never. We both can't tolerate each other."

"Oh come on darling", Hyerin tries to persuade you, "I have talked to him, he seems good. Plus I've heard he was the star player of his previous school's basketball team. A heartthrob, you can say."

"He's good to you, because you're his best friend's girlfriend.", then you declare, "Otherwise he's an asshole."

"He's cute.", Hyerin corrects you.

"You know Hyejoo has been crushing on Joshua for sometime right? Why don't you ask her?", you sort to your last resort.

"Please, I don't her around when I'm chilling or on dates.", Hyerin sighs, "You know she's hard to handle and we both get her but other people can be uncomfortable sometimes. Last time at practice she said something ridiculous to Jeonghan, ofcourse as a joke but it was really off.", she shudders at the memory, "Jeonghan's always laid back so he let it pass."

"Okay. But why do you need us? Go on dates alone, spend time with each other."

"Because I want you to know Gyu and Josh better and same for Gyu.", Hyerin says grabbing your hands and sighs when she sees confusion written over your face, "Look even though we have just started dating but I think I like him. So I want you to know my boyfriend and his friend, you know, so you it's fluid between the four of us."

You understand. You are happy that you're her confidant. Everything makes sense except Joshua.

But when Hyerin gives you those puppy eyes, who are you to deny her.

"Fine. I'll go with you."

Mingyu gapes at Joshua in disbelief.

"What?", Joshua almost mewls and chucks a pillow at Mingyu, "Stop staring okay?"

Mingyu sits up on the bed, "So you have been talking to someone you don't know and what if that person turns out a psychopath."

"She's not a psychopath, Gyu", Joshua is immediately retaliates.

"She?", Mingyu is amused, "What if it's a he and a 50 year old weirdo?"

That sends Joshua off. After some moment of contemplation he says, "Whatever. They don't even know me and it's fine we just share our minds with each other."

"Dude you always that I'm crazy but I think it's you. You're the crazy one.", Mingyu pouts and scoots over to where Joshua is seated, "So about the double date...."

"We're not having this conversation again.", Joshua retorts.

"Why?", Mingyu now lays on Joshua's lap and looks at him, "Y/N is such a cool person Joshy. You'd love it. She's definitely better than that person you're chatting coz we know her."

Joshua rolls his eyes and places a hand over Mingyu's mouth, "We don't get along at all so no."

Mingyu bits his hand lightly and Joshua flinches in pain.

"Do me this favour Joshy, please.", Mingyu pleads, "We'll have a lot a fun I promise."

"I'm seeing her everyday Gyu, courtesy detention class. I have no will to see her more."

Mingyu's phone dinges a notification and his eyes narrow into slits as he reads it and Joshua knows it's definitely not something beneficial for him because--

"Y/N agreed to it.", Mingyu announces almost shoving his phone to Joshua's face as the later read the text from Hyerin saying the same.

He slaps away his friends hand, "Still a no."

"I thought we are best friends.", Mingyu says sadly as he gets up and takes his bag, "But seems I was wrong. Anyways, I'll get going."

Joshua knows Mingyu is pulling the best friend card yet he let's himself indulge into it once more.

"Fine.", Joshua hollers, "If I don't have a great time, I'll really cut you off Kim Mingyu."

Mingyu grins from ear to ear.

"Y/N, we got a call from your school.", your mother says. You don't like where this conversation is going.

"They informed us about your detention.", your father adds, "Why didn't you tell us?" "It's just a detention dad which will be over by the end of this week.", you say taking a bite of your sandwich even though your appetite was gone. "Y/N", your mother places her hand on yours, "You need to be serious about your studies. Your grades gonna decide your university. Remember that you'll have to take over your father's Pharma company because it's for you. This is our legacy." You are tired of the same old conversation. "I don't want to", your voice cracks as tears prick at the corner of your eyes, "I want to study fashion technology. I want to be a designer!" "We already had this discussion Y/N.", your fathers alerts and you are getting off the chair. "Getting late.", you say slinging your bag over, "Bye." Your parents look at each other solemnly. You can't pinpoint which part of the day went fine for you till now. Because everything was going wrong. First the conversation with your parents during breakfast, second Hyerin informing you about not attending classes today at the last moment over a text, third being late in the class and hearing a earful from the teacher and lots more to account for. Now, as you got some free time before the detention class starts, you decide to sew the remaining series of sequences on the piece of cloth you are currently working on.

You are pulling the needle from the backside when it pricks your index finger.

You're immune to this, it doesn't even sting much but your eyes are teary and you curse out in mumbles.

The tears start to roll your cheeks, you sob silently hiding your face behind your palms.

"Why did you agree to this double dating thing?"

You could see Joshua towering over you but don't raise your hear.

"I could have managed Gyu but just because you agreed I couldn't do so.", Joshua says angrily, "You are so annoying you know--"

"I'm sorry", you stand up, raising your head and your gazes meet.

Joshua instantly freezes when he sees your bloodshot eyes and hears your body racking sobs.

"I know I'm annoying. I'm sorry.", you cry out, "I-I'll just do something."

"Y/N--"

"I'll cancel out on them last minute with some excuses. I promise.", you are wiping your never ending tears as you continue, "So that from next time if they propose something you can always shut them up by saying that I bailed out last time."

"Hey please stop crying.", Joshua gently holds your arms as he crouches to look at you eye to eye, "Please tell me what do I need to do so that you can calm down?"

You don't respond and Joshua renders in panic as he feels you shaking under his touch.

Before the gears in his head could start turning he pulls you into embrace.

And when you still don't stop crying he gently rocks you and hums a soothing melody. His one hand strokes your hair and the other firmly hold you to his chest.

Your cries reduce to sobs until it stops.

"It'll all work out.", he says still rocking you and your hands fist on his shirt at the back.

"But it never works out", you whisper meekly.

"It will. I promise.", his says softly and with so much sincerity that it makes you want to believe him.

You pull away and ask, "You think it will?"

Joshua smiles as he wipes your tears and cups your face. His response comes in form of a soft smile and a firm nod.

"Now sit right here", he backs you and sits you up on the chair, "I'll be back quickly. Don't leave!"

He runs off halfway and calls Hyerin to know what's your favourite food or drink or anything that you make your mood shift even a bit.

And around 20 minutes later he returns with a bag full of cheese puffs, strawberry juice cans and butterscotch flavoured ice creams.

He pants but is relieved to see that you are still there and most importantly not crying.

But your rummaging through your bag.

"What are you searching for?", Joshua asks and sits beside you.

"Band-Aid", you sigh in defeat, "Of course I don't have it today. What a shitty day to be alive."

"I have it, wait a minute.", he fishes out one strip and asks, "Did you get hurt?"

"I pricked my finger with the needle.", you say extending your hand and he looks at you in concern as he applies the ointment and then wraps the Band-Aid.

"Don't worry, I'm used to it.", you try to lessen his worry, "If you do sewing with hands, you're gonna get a lot of it."

Joshua's wide eyes meets your as he realises what you're saying is correct and you find him adorable.

"Here", he hands the bag, "I got these for you."

You tear the seal and a broad grin sets on your lips.

"How did you manage to get all these?"

"Called Hyerin and run to nearest convenience store."

Your heart swells a bit, "You really didn't have to but thanks. I really mean it."

"I hope this helps you get through the day.", Joshua says and takes the ice cream stick you're offering him.

"It definitely will.", you thank him again, "I'll repay you by cancelling the double date. I promise."

Suddenly the idea doesn't sit well with Joshua.

You rack your brain hard to come up with an excuse so that the double date gets cancelled.

Looking at the time, you're about to pull your hair in frustration when your phone rings.

Hyerin calling ...

Panic surges within you causing you miss her call. You immediately call her back.

"Hey love, meet you at the arcade. I'm loving this dynamic between you two.", her suggestive tone confuses you, "I wanna know what's going on between you and Josh. Start getting ready, Josh will pick you up at 7 sharp. Bye."

"Wait what?", you squeak out, "Hello?? Rin?? Hello??"

What does she mean by that, you thought.

It was already 6:30 PM and you don't even have Joshua's number.

"Let's get ready Y/N.", you say to yourself, "If Joshua comes then fine, if he doesn't come the possibility of which weighs more, still fine you get the wear the dress you have made."

Your mood instantly lifts and you search through your wardrobe for that one dress which you have been meaning to wear for a while now. You had completed stitching the dress last month. It turned out really pretty, more than you had expected.

You had cried tears of pride and finished two tubes a butterscotch flavoured ice creams that night.

When you spot it, you caress the dress with gentle hands before taking it out and laying it on the bed.

It's a simple wrap dress, except for, you have recreated the whole dress using some torn out velvety clothings from your mother's old garments. You favourite part is that tie around which you reconstructed from a bodice and put the sequencing overall.

Green always looks good on. You're confident this one also would.

Putting on the dress, twirling around in pure joy and after being done with the makeup and pairing it with your favourite shoes you waited for Joshua.

Sharp at 7, your doorbell rings and you sprint down the stairs grabbing your sling bag to open the door.

"Wow", Joshua blurts out, eyes wide and mouth agape.

He's enchanted.

Your soft giggles breaks his reverie and he curses himself for being so obvious.

"You clean up nice too.", you actually word out the complement because Joshua is really damn good looking.

With his hair brushed back, you can see his exposed forehead and fine lined brows. The blue polo shirt that has been half tucked under the white chino pant is definitely enhancing him.

He's glowing under the strip light and you're sure he'd glow even more under the moonlight.

"Thanks", Joshua breathes out.

"Don't you have something to tell me?", your lips curl up as you say stepping out and close the door, "I was surprised when Rin--"

Joshua doesn't step back.

So when you turn you're words stuck in your throat as you almost bump into him.

But you don't bump into him. Rather there's hardly an inch of gap between you both as you stare at each other wordless.

You think he has kissable lips.

Joshua thinks you have beautiful pair of eyes.

You think his cologne smells nice.

He thinks no one ever did justice to any shades of green as much as you.

You think he has beautiful pair of eyes.

He thinks you have kissable lips.

So he leans down slowly and you don't back off. His breathes fan over your face and your hands find his.

He entwines his fingers through yours and you close your eyes.

He dips down further and is within the cusp of having luxury to put your lips together when the shrill ringtone cuts the atmosphere.

You open your eyes wide and Joshua yanks his hands backing off. You are frozen in place for a few seconds until Joshua's call of your name shakes you up.

He clears his throat and scratches his nape when you look at him.

"Gyu called.", he looks at everything and anywhere except your eyes, "They have reached and waiting for us. Let's go."

You grimace at the sudden change in atmosphere.

It's awkward and suffocating.

You both don't talk to each the whole time Joshua drives you to the arcade.

"Hey love, hey Josh", Hyerin greets as soon as you enter followed by Joshua.

You clinge to your best friend's arm and wave at Mingyu. He waves back with a huge grin.

"Guys", Mingyu calls out, "I checked the bowling ally and booked us the next slot. Let's go."

You have to unwillingly let go her arm when Mingyu extends his for her to hold.

But just before she goes, she whispers in your ear, "Did something happen between you two?"

Your eyes go wide for a moment but before she could catch up to it, you deny it. Her gaze lingers on your face trying to find any inconsistency but thankfully Mingyu ushers her away.

You and Joshua are left behind.

Joshua isn't looking at you at all and you ponder over the fact if you're going to have a good time it has to be with Joshua and this dynamic between you two has to change immediately.

"Do you want to go there?"

Joshua perks up and follows your gaze to the bowling alley where both of your best friends were having fun.

"Well.... actually no. Don't wanna interrupt them", he says, "I want to try basketball though."

"That's my favourite!", you are grabbing him by his hand, "It's that way."

Joshua smiles and he thinks that he could get used to your presence.

"You try first.", you say as you buy the tickets.

"Fine. Next round's on me.", he say taking his position infront of the machine.

You take your camcorder out and just out hold the device when Joshua scowls, "It's illegal to shoot without permission."

You realise that he's right and you mutter a quick sorry before switching off the device and shoving it into your bag.

When you look up again, Joshua is rolling of the sleeves of his shirt and while doing it he's looking damn hot  for some reason.

You gulp nervously and look away.

When you're courageous enough to back at him, he's brushing his hair with his hand.

Again, for some reasons he's looking damn hot.

You think you'd combust if you stay there another moment so you say, "I'll be waiting there", and fleet away.

No matter how much you try, your straying eyes lands on him and you get a whiplash from his chiseled jaw. He must have had his side profile sculptured.

You wonder if Joshua had been always this easy on eyes or it's your hormones talking all of a sudden.

Trying a way out of distraction you decide to text Anonymous.

But before you could apprehend your fingers type away a text that makes you groan upon reading it.

You:

[8:07 PM] How do you know if you like someone?

The lack of response comes from the other side makes you ponder if you had asked an invasive question.

Did you come out too cringey, you sigh in defeat and rest your phone on the table.

"Y/N!", you hear Joshua yell, "You gotta come here."

You would have waved him off if not he had that cute little pout set across his lips.

"Don't tell me you're not able to cross level 2", you laugh straight at his face.

"As if you're the highest scorer.", He retorts.

"So naive", you tsk taking your position in front of the machine.

Joshua goes to recharge the card and returns quickly to tap it on the scanner.

You swiftly pull him beside you and he looks at you startled.

You think he's startled because he's clueless.

He is startled because of the proximity between you both.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Obviously, we're both gonna play.", you say casually, "Otherwise there's no way to crack this unless you climb on this keep on keep ducking the ball in & out."

"Wait what?"

"Look as soon as the balls start rolling, keep on picking and throwing them up.", you set aside your sling bag and tie your hair up in a messy bun, " One thing try to aim when the basket slides to your side, I'll aim on mine otherwise other balls would collide with each other and fall off."

Joshua blinks.

You wait.

Joshua is still confused.

"Look, I have wanted to try this with someone for so long.", your pleading tone resonates with Joshua.

"You haven't tried it before?", he asks, "The way you gave the instructions I was pretty much sure you're a pro at it."

"I did try it with Hyerin.", you lament, "But given she's into sports, her arcade skills are zero."

Joshua snorts at this and gets ready to fulfill your wish.

"We're gonna beat this machine today.", he raises his fisted hand for a fistbump and you gladly reciprocate.

Your cheat key fails at Level 5 but you are happy.

Same for Joshua because he couldn't recollect when was the last time he had this much fun.

"Are you sure they don't get along?", Mingyu asks with a huge grin set on his lips.

"I don't know about Y/N but Joshua upped himself by delivering himself at her door today.", Hyerin smirks.

Mingyu rolls eyes, "Don't you think I didn't notice Y/N literally giving hearty eyes to Joshy."

Hyerin doesn't comment anymore, she just smiles.

That night after dropping you off at home, when he basks in the memories of the spent evening, Joshua realises he has got a text from Anonymous.

Anonymous:

[8:15 PM] How do you know if you like someone?

Joshua:

[10:45 PM] Sorry, had a busy day today.

Do you like someone?

Anonymous:

[10:47 PM] I'm not sure???

I think I like him, the same boy whom I used hate.

Joshua:

[10:48 PM] Should I be happy? What about me?

Kidding! Feelings works funny because I think I'm starting to like the girl I told you about before.

Anonymous:

[10:49 PM] Oh? Should I be happy?

We're really in same boat lol.

Hope we can sort it out.

Joshua:

[10:50 PM] Touché.

Detention classes are going to end today.

You should be feeling ecstatic but you have a glum aura around you as you splash the paint on the wall for one last time.

"You're amazing you know."

A small smile forms on your lips but Joshua doesn't need to see that.

"I just complimented you, are you seriously gonna ignore me?", Joshua bumps his shoulder to yours but you don't budge.

"You are gonna keep doing that?", Joshua let's out a sound of annoyance, "Fine, just remember I had no other choice."

Before you could ask or ignore, you are being turned around in a moment, in the next you are being dragged you have no idea where.

Mrs. Yoo smiles as she watches you both. She just wanted you both to stop hating on but what seemingly she's a getting a lot more than she bargained for.

Hyejoo glares at the two of you and though she isn't sure if she's serious about her feelings for Joshua, a green monster of jealousy starts to invade her mind.

You are pulled inside an empty room which you never knew existed and now you're being cornered by the guy who's causing your hormones to react horrendously whenever around him.

"W-What are you doing?", you gulp nervously, looking everywhere but at him.

"Why are you ignoring me?", he says in a desperate tone and it makes you feel bad.

Because I get nervous around you, I think I like you.

You want to say it all loud and get everything off your chest but you don't.

"I-I'm just being moody", you lie partially, "I have gotten my periods."

Joshua looks relieved, "So you're not particularly being hostile towards me? Oh that's fine. I get it."

You sigh in relief.

Then, his worrying gaze is scrutinizing your face, "Are you in pain? I shouldn't have dragged you here, really sorry. Do you need me to buy to anything? Do you want to eat ice creams--"

You hush him by putting your finger on his lips, though you wish if you could put your lips on his instead.

"I'm fine Josh.", you tell him, "Since today detention classes are ending do you wanna go somewhere with me afterwards?"

Joshua agrees in a beat.

Mrs. Yoon has a teasing grin across her lips when you both stand side by side waiting for her to give you the slips which marks the end of detention.

"I'm impressed how you both went from almost plotting murder to gardening together real quick.", she says with an underlying tone, "Oh, painting too. You've learned to breathe in each other presence, that's what I wanted. You're free to go."

You both quickly mutter a thanks to her and head towards the exit.

You wait for Joshua as he goes to where his bike is parked.

And he groans when he see Hyejoo waiting for him there.

"What do you want?", he asked bluntly, as he pulls his bike and wears the helmet.

"I want to sit on that bike of yours.", she says coyly, "Can I?"

"No.", Joshua says as he prepares to flee, "As I have told you before I have no interest in you. Please stop seeking attention from me all the time."

Her gazes turns shearer as she asks, "So who do you have interest in? Y/N?"

Joshua stiffens for a moment before deciding to ignore her wholly and riding away.

"He didn't even deny it, wow", she scoffs, "Fine, let's see how this goes."

"Such a beautiful place exists and I didn't even know about it?", Joshua laments, "How did you find this place?"

You smile looking ahead, sound of the waves calming you in an ineffable way.

"Accidentally.", you say after sometime, "But this is where you'll find me if ever you couldn't get in touch with me."

Joshua's heart tightens within his chest as he asks, "Why are you showing your safe place to me? Who else knows about this place?"

You don't respond right away and Joshua waits patiently.

"Hyerin, Hyejoo and someone I used to know, knows about this place.", you look at him with warmth in your eyes, "Now you know it too."

Joshua had never imagined that a person who got his coffee spilled, became his detention partner would also be the one who would cry in front of him because of having bad day to be cheatmates at an arcade game.

Joshua never got the slightest intuition that the person whom he hated the most would also become the person he'd be liking the most.

"I want to become a fashion designer. But my parents want me to manage our family business of pharmaceuticals.", your words, tone, aura, everything is emitting sadness, "I have tried to convince them since the day I found out about my passion but they won't let me. The discussion goes nowhere."

Joshua listen, not entirely but somewhat relating to the situation.

"Tell me about you, Josh."

Joshua finds you staring at back him.

He thinks for a while, trying to put together the words for you to make sense and then speaks, "My dad was a lawyer. And I respected him a lot, so I think because of that I found law intriguing.", he pauses and heaves a sigh, "After his death, I promised mom that I keep his profession alive through me. It was an impromptu decision I had made. I was barely 12 years old then."

You listen and empathize with him. You could take a guess where this is going and if not entirely, you can also somewhat relate to him.

"As I grew up, the realisation gnawed at me. I didn't find law intriguing anymore, I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore."

Joshua sounds so dejected that you wanna put his head on your shoulders and wrap your arms around him in an embrace.

But you only caress his back.

"I have tried to tell mom about it but I didn't yet have the courage to actually tell her yet because she's still so immersed in dad and the memories he left. She doesn't even change the old television we have which barely works coz it was one of dad's favourite possession."

He suddenly blinks almost comically, bambi eyes getting rounder and lips parted in awe.

"You're really cool you know!", he emphasises on the adjective for you to get the sincerity of it, "You already have a passion and you know what you want to do. Unlike me."

"You realize it's never too early or too late to find one's passion. We are too young for figuring out our entire life. There's time. There always a right time.", you too emphasize, "Maybe you don't know today but maybe you'll know it tomorrow or someday."

Joshua finds your words oddly comforting and true.

"You can try to make your mom understand little by little. Like how about convincing her to replacing the television or anything else that could be replaced. When and if she agrees find the right time to bring in the topic and get it to her slowly. She'll understand, after all she's your mother."

What you just say, tastes bitter in your mother maybe because you wished for your parents to understand you as well.

Joshua must be knowing how to read minds, because he says, "I would like you to use your advice to yours as well. Show your parents what you wanna do and why you wanna do it. Show them your dedication."

"I'll try.", you smile at him.

"I'll try as well." he echoes you.

When he left home today, he had a mission on his mind that was to get your number.

Because when he asked Mingyu for the same, he quoted something along the lines,

"You need to get it yourself. How long until you don't suck at getting numbers?"

Infuriating, cocky of a best friend Joshua has.

When he drops you at your doorstep, Joshua had those words on the tip of his tongue until you pull of his helmet and kiss his cheek.

Joshua.exe has stopped working.

It's too late when Joshua comes back to this realm because he hears a door slam and you're have successfully sprinted into your house.

Next time definitely, he promises to himself.

You:

[6:30 PM] shared a playlist

Anonymous:

[6:35 PM] I just went through the songs list and I must say you're a music nerd fr.

You:

[6:37 PM] That I am. This playlist represents me so I just gave you a glimpse of what I am.

Anonymous:

[6:39 PM] FYI your playlist has many of my favourite songs as well. We're so similar.

"Are you texting that random stranger again?", Hyerin grimaces as she situates herself between your legs, trying to take a peek at your phone.

When you ignore her she asks again, "What's going on between you and Joshua?"

"Nothing.", you answer simply, knowing Hyerin won't buy a penny of it.

You shift so that Hyerin falls flat on the bed and you lay beside her.

"Rin, even though I have been talking this guy--"

"Don't have no idea whether you're talking to a guy or a girl or a bot or whoever!", Hyerin huffs, "Look I know you like talking to them, share interests and all but can you seriously think about Joshua. You like him, don't you?"

You sigh in defeat, nothing goes past your best friend, "I do like him, Rin."

"I freaking knew it! You both are so obvious!", Hyerin laughs, "And cute."

"I'm going to tell him someday maybe.", you say, "Even if he rejects me, I can console myself saying atleast I tried."

"Before you do that, why don't you meet this Anonymous.", Hyerin suggests, "I mean look, I know you have crated an attachment towards them. So meet them in person, get to know each more and do tell them that you like Joshua."

You blink at her owlishly.

"What I mean is, sort things out. First go meet Anonymous so you know they're not some weirdo and if they're not great you got another friend. Then confess to Josh about your feelings.", Hyerin expectant gaze falls on you hoping you got what she's trying to say.

"Okay!", you say and she can almost see that see a lightbulb going off in your head, "I'll meet anonymous first, then... then we'll see."

"Then you'll confess to Josh, if he doesn't do it first.", Hyerin scoffs, "Please we know the amount of time you're both spending."

"What about Hyejoo?", you ponder, "Doesn't she also like Josh?"

"Look, I'm very much surprised Joshua made it past a week okay? But I really want her to see Jisung's the one for her. That poor boy, I don't know how many heartbreak he suffers everytime my sister chooses a new crush, chooses someone who's not him."

"And tell her to spend a day without Jisung, she'll go berserk.", you continue to add points, "I wonder how long until she realises it's been him all this time."

"I know right, she's so goddamn stubborn.", Hyerin laments, "Hope she doesn't pull something stupid to get to Joshua because he doesn't even have an ounce of interest towards her."

"Good for me I guess?", you shrug and get an 'aww' on return.

You immediately pull up your phone and send a text.

You:

[7:25 PM] I was wondering if we could meet up?

Anonymous:

[7:30 PM] What about your rule of not knowing each other personally ?

You:

[7:31 PM] The one who made the rule is trying to break it, so .....

Anonymous:

[7:32 PM] Ok cool, let's meet.

You:

[7:33 PM]

Okay day after tomorrow, 5 in evening at Crimson Café. Sounds good?

Anonymous:

[7:33 PM] Fine by me.

How are we going to recognise each other lol?

You:

[7:34 PM]

I'll be wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo on it.

Anonymous:

[7:35 PM]

I'll be wearing a green sweatshirt with Los Angeles written on it.

You:

[7:36 PM] Noted. See you on Thursday!

Next day when you cross the threshold of your school canteen, it's not Hyerin who gets hijacked by Jeonghan.

He hijacks you.

"What does the school heartthrob want from me?", you quip nonchalantly, "And you have a treat pending so...."

Jeonghan rolled eyes, "Oh my god, fine. After classes end, let's go to that bakery shop nearby. I heard they sell the best black currant cakes."

"Deal!", you bump his shoulder, "I'll be waiting by the exit. Will drop a text."

Jeonghan gives a nod, pats your head and part ways to attend the class.

Joshua has been occupying mostly of mind nowadays and you wonder if he was just a mere crush anymore. You also realise that you could have texted him asking if he's attending school today or not but you don't have his number.

You ask him for it next time, you take a mental note.

As promised, Jeonghan takes you to the bakery and after placing your orders Jeonghan finally ask a favour from you.

"It's the final project and I have no clue how to design the cover.", he tells you, "So could you please help me with it?"

Jeonghan knows you would definitely help him.

"Han, look to be honest, I have a lot of assignments and project to deal with", you explain, "So there's a limit on my end to provide you support. It shouldn't be taking long, we need to decide specific days and anyhow get it done by that."

Jeonghan sighs in relief, "Y/N you could have literally said no but you're an angel.", he grabs your hands and expresses his gratitude, "I'll mail you all the details and you have a look. Then we can decide on the rest."

"Sounds like a plan and you know I'd never not help you if I could.", you assert, "You are a good friend."

Jeonghan would never admit but his heart swells with emotions. For him too, you have been a good friend. Not always in touch maybe, but the one he can confide to anytime.

You let out a yelp when your pulled against his chest, as Jeonghan gives you a side hug.

"Dude what's gotten into you?", you scrunch your nose looking at him with pointed eyes.

"Well definitely not someone who goes by Joshua Hong.", he teases.

You gasp, almost scurrying away from him.

"Hyerin that little snitch!", you gruff in disbelief and Jeonghan laughs.

Joshua doesn't see you in school. He searches but you're neither in the canteen, nor with Hyerin or any of the classes he thought you'd be.

"Looking for Y/N?"

He hears a familiar voice and doesn't like it at all.

Hyejoo stands in front of him, her lips curled up in a smirk, arms crossed over her chest.

"If you know then tell me or mind your own business.", he deadpans.

Hyejoo definitely knows where and with whom you are because she had overhead you two while passing by and the absolute joy she got because that would definitely be a fuel to fire.

Joshua decides to walk off but what he hears next cause him to halt.

"Be careful Josh. Y/N maybe not be all what she seems to be.", Hyejoo says.

She continues on realising she has successfully garnered his attention, "I'm only saying because I care for you."

"What are you trying to imply here?", Joshua asks.

She chuckles, a mocking tone cutting through which Joshua fails to notice, "Did she ever breakdown in front of you?"

Joshua stills. A moment later he nods.

"You'll often have to handle that, not a big deal", her lips curl down as if in worry, "But as days goes she'll be blaming every irrelevant things on you. You won't be able to tell her that things are not working out for her because she's not trying."

Joshua is rooted to ground, he only listens.

"I assume you already know about her safe place."

Joshua feels like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him.

"Your face says you know it.", Hyejoo taunts, "It's always like this. She's difficult to handle."

"What do you mean by always?"

"It was same with Junsik, her ex.", she utters hurriedly.

Joshua doesn't know what he's gonna do with all these information he just acquired.

"Let me take you where she is now."

That's how Joshua finds himself standing outside the bakery. Through one of window walls he sees you laughing at something Jeonghan was saying.

His hands balled into fists as he watches Jeonghan pulling you into his embrace.

You look so happy that Joshua's mind lingers back to the memories shared between you two and he doubts if you were ever this happy when you were with him.

When he sees Jeonghan feeding you, his heart constricts too tightly in his chest.

He realises that he doesn't like the intimacy between you and Jeonghan.

He realises he wants to swap places with Jeonghan, that he should be the one who gets to hug, to feed you or hold your hands.

He realises that he likes you.

He likes you a lot.

"You like her, it's so obvious", Hyejoo says impassively, "But does she like you back?"

Joshua has his minded clouded with all sorts of nonsense Hyejoo fed him with that anger seeps through his veins and clutters in his heart as pain.

He blames himself for believing that you would have some sort of liking towards him and he is indignant because you acted as if you would reciprocate his feelings.

Joshua leaves with a heavy heart and he might not have noticed the tears that were pooling his eyes.

Your eyes stray in anticipation everytime you sense someone passing by your table.

You wait for Anonymous as decided at the Crimson café with lot of expectations and only one hope for the person to be not any weirdo.

You:

[7:10 PM] I'm already in here.

Took the table nearest to the counter, the view looks good from here :)

You quickly send the text and rest the phone on the table as you take out your sketch book and start doodling.

Joshua is still heartbroken for which he really looks forward to meet Anonymous.

Today, he just wants to forget everything and have a good time.

To get you off his mind, to push back the career choices, he only wants that.

He heaves a deep breathe standing outside the café and his lips curl up as he reads the text he just received notifying that the one he's going to meet has already arrived.

Joshua pushes the door, walking in.

All hope dissipates instantly when he sees you, wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo, sitting at one of the two tables nearest to the counter, other one being empty.

Joshua doesn't think anymore, he just sprints out of the café.

You sigh bored, finally getting your head out of your sketchbook and check the time.

You:

[7:24 PM] You didn't forget about meeting me today right??

Are you stuck somewhere?

It's 8 now, neither do you get a response of your texts, nor does Anonymous shows up.

You:

[8:03 PM] Are you still coming?

Did something happen? Are you okay?

Please just drop a text whenever you get this, I'm worried...

The clock strikes 9 and you're dragging your body out of the café.

You are worried. You are exhausted.

Not trying to read much into it, you coax yourself into believing that there must be a valid reason for Anonymous to take a raincheck on you. That you'll get a response and may be an apology later.

Next day when you wake up, the first thing you do is check your phone.

No messages.

You huff in annoyance but don't let it ruin your mood because today you have a mission.

To get Joshua's number.

Not a big deal, you could have easily gotten it from Hyerin but you believe it's best to be a little brave and get it from the person himself.

Generally, you have often bumped into him for the past few day but today, somehow it's hard to find him. You even doubt if he's attending school today.

But that doubt dissolves when you see him in the canteen, snacking on a snicker bar and scrolling through his phone with a bored expression.

A grin sets on lips as you walk up to him and occupy the seat across him.

He lifts his gaze from his phone and his heart drops when he sees you.

"Hey", you say, "I have been searching for you."

Suddenly, there's a screech and Joshua is dragging out his chair as he stands up.

Your curious eyes try to meet his but he doesn't look at you.

"Josh--"

"I have a class now.", he says and leaves.

You are confused and you are worried.

If he's having a bad day you want to help him, as he had done for you.

If he's bothered by something, you want him to eat up your ears by ranting it all out.

If he's tired, you want to put his head on your shoulder.

"I'll let him have his space for today.", you mumble in distaste, "But I miss him. I'm so miserable."

Next day you bump into him in the hallway.

"Hey Josh", you greet, smiling wide.

Joshua is stoic and you notice it.

"I have some work at library.", he says and just as he was about to take a turn you grab his wrist.

"Did something happen?", you ask with uncertainty, anxiety creeping in you slowly.

"Can you unhand me?", Joshua quips sharply, "If you haven't noticed it, I'm feeling uncomfortable."

You immediately release his hand and take a step back "I-I'm sorry --"

"Save it.", he says, "What do you want anyway?"

Your mind runs thousand miles on the memory lane to come up with anything you could have done to upset Joshua.

But nothing comes up. Absolutely nothing.

"I just want to get your number."

There you just had to say it when Joshua is vexed at you.

A scoff leaves his lips and he glares at you, "What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."

You think you're hearing everything wrong. You look at him as if he has grown another head and a pair of lips which are uttering absolute nonsense.

"How could you do this to me?", he asks, his gaze peering into your soul and wrenching at your gut, "I feel like you're always breathing into in my neck. And it's suffocating."

"What did I do, please tell me." , you plead in helplessness, eyes glistening with unshed tears and you all get in return is a condescending look.

"Stop pretending, oh my god", Joshua whispers in a threatening tone, "I don't want to see to you anymore.", with that he leaves.

You suck in a sharp breathe and close your eyes letting those tears fall. A sob throbs out of you and you are unbothered with the looks you're getting from those passing by.

Your mind only reels the words Joshua had spat out, the bitterness and hatred from them getting to you.

Joshua is the only good thing that has happened to you in a long time so you refuse let him go just like that.

Whatever it is, you're going to fix it.

"Mrs. Hong?"

"Y/N?"

You chest tingles in mirth as you ask, "How have you been?"

"Been good dear.", she answers in her calm voice, "What about you?"

"Okayish, I'd say.", your voice wavers, "Just stressed with finals and career choices."

"You should do whatever you feel like doing.", she advices, patting your head.

"My parents want me to handle the family business which I don't want.", you ramble, knowing that ranting about it to everyone won't change anything.

"Then fight for it", Mrs. Hong says, "Go to hell and back, take all of it. It's always better to try than to have regrets for life."

You nod, somewhat finding new confidence to have the conversation with your parents again.

"Your son must be lucky to have you as a parent, Mrs. Hong.", you comment with sincerity, "You know there's one thing I have always wanted. For my parents to ask me what do I want."

You place all your items on the checkout counter and solemnly tell her, "Mrs. Hong, you should also ask your son what he wants. You know as we grow up, we discover new interests, our choices change. You're a sensible parent so I want you to be the cool mom and support his descisions, whatever it maybe be."

Mrs. Hong stiffens for a moment. Her mind reels back to a lot of things and she has been complacent with Joshua on this matter.

"Mrs. Hong?", your concerned voice reaches her, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

You are suddenly pulled into her embrace and she thanks you.

"You might have unknowingly done me a huge favour.", she whispers on the top of your head.

"He has been cranky lately", Mingyu hums as he recollects, "Mostly cooped up in his room, doesn't even open up to me."

You and Hyerin grimace at his words.

"Did he shout at you?", you ask in hopes that it's only you but it's just a phase and Joshua is mad at every one.

Mingyu pouts because he knows the answer he's gonna give you is nowhere going to make you feel better.

"No, actually we went to arcade yesterday. He blew off his steam at that poor basketball machine but we're good. Like normal, just he's a bit more serious nowadays."

You slouch down and Hyerin glares at her boyfriend.

"It's okay, love. I think you should confront him asap.", Hyerin wraps her arm around your shoulder as she throws pointed eyes at her boyfriend.

Mingyu seems to take the hint and says, "I'm there to help you, just tell me what I need to do."

"For the starters, give me his number.", you insist, almost on verge pleading, "If I can't get through him, then help me to meet him alone."

"Okay ma'am!", Mingyu immediately takes his phone and sends you Joshua's contact.

"Thanks Gyu", you say and getting up sweep a glance at the couple, "Gotta go, I need to help Han to design the cover."

"Keep us posted Y/N."

You nod in acknowledgement at Mingyu's words.

Walking down the alley, you contemplate a lot of things, life is tough, yours is toughest.

Nothing seems to work out for you.

You want a career, your parents don't resonate with you.

You like a guy, he suddenly starts to hate your entire existence.

Taking out your phone you open Mingyu's chat to save Joshua's contact.

Just as you proceed to add it to a pops up appears.

Do you want replace the contact name from Anonymous to Joshua?

Your eyes go round like saucers as you re read the sentence again and again.

You trace back and confirm that it's actually Anonymous.

Joshua Hong is actually Anonymous!

"What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."

Joshua's words ring in your mind and everything made sense to you now. That also meant he had come to the café and left without meeting you, misunderstanding the whole situation.

You immediately call Jeonghan only to cancel on him.

Next, you're calling Mingyu and as soon as he picks up you say, "Gyu, please anyhow bring Joshua to that old park, I need to talk to him, it's urgent."

Joshua is startled when Mingyu suddenly barges into his room and starts tugging on his sleeves.

"I need a help from you Josh", he says and Joshua could sense the urgency in his voice, "We have to be somewhere."

As an unsuspecting and good friend he was, he immediately agreed on it.

Suddenly he is dropped off outside the park with Mingyu saying, "Go inside and you'll know it", before riding away in his bike.

Joshua stands there for a moment, utterly confused but anyways walks into the park.

You wait for him, biting off almost all of your nails.

You figure out his silhouette approaching and you could also see his face morphing from confusion to distaste on seeing you.

"Is this some kind of prank?", Joshua yells out, "Very irritating."

You are prepared to hear all the harsh words and off word gazes you're gonna get.

You are also adament to dissolve the misunderstandings and confess your feelings for him today.

"I think there's a misunderstanding, you need to listen to me.", you speak stepping ahead.

Joshua doesn't respond and you take it as your cue to continue.

"I asked Mingyu for your number today.", you continue carefully, "That's when I came to know you are Anonymous."

Joshua scoffs, "You really think I'm gonna buy it? What do you take me for Y/N?"

"I'm not lying --"

"Oh so you're telling you bumping into me right after I texted you that night is pure coincidence? Pairing up for detention classes was also a mere coincidence? Don't you know it's quite weird, how I got to see you each and everywhere, often, more and more just after I hit you up with those texts.", Joshua's gaze is enough to cower you down, his words just added to his condescendness towards you.

"What are you getting at?", you ask bracing yourself for another set of insults you knew that are going to come your way.

"You clearly knew that it was me the whole time.", he spats out, "You just wanted some attention because of the petty princess you are. Oh did I mention attention seeker too?"

"You're not in your right mind Joshua.", you warn him, "Don't say anything you're going to regret later."

"I'm not gonna regret anything. The only thing I regret is meeting you. Do you always do this?", he asks rather accuses you and you shot him a look.

"Do what?"

"Make guys believe that you like them and them tangle them into a trash relationship?", he chuckles bitterly, "I almost believed that you like me until I saw you with Jeonghan. Are you gonna take him to your safe place too? Were you gonna treat us the same as you treated Junsik?"

You freeze on hearing that name.

"How do you know about Junsik?", your eyes sting and voice falters, "What do you know about him?"

"Does it matter now?", he disregards you totally, "You are really sick for playing me like that because I really liked you..."

You perk up at his words, the pain in your heart never subduing but tearing it into infinite pieces.

"But fortunately, it isn't too late.", his words are venomous, more than he could realise, "I want to see you ever again. So do me a favour and never show your face again."

Your sobs doesn't stop until you're biting your tongue to the point where the metallic taste fills your mouth.

You lift your gaze to look at him past your wet lashes, "I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-", you fist your hands focusing on them to not break down, "But your wish is granted."

You only say that much before walking past him.

The door to your heart, through which Joshua was making his way is cemented now.

"He said what?", Hyerin is raging and you are the one actually keeping her in check instead of getting comforted.

"Kim Mingyu what kind of bastard your best friend is?", she yells at her boyfriend, "Why are you even friends with him?"

"I still can't believe Joshua could say all this.", Mingyu mumbles, "I was quite sure that he liked you back and he obviously liked talking to Anonymous which turns out to be you."

"Leave it guys", you speak meekly through your sore throat, "It's all over--"

"It's not over, how dare he bring up Junsik?", Hyerin is sure she's going to commit manslaughter today, "What does he know about him?"

"I wonder", you sigh and lean against her shoulder.

"And he thinks, you were gonna double time him and Han?", she throws Joshua another punch at the gut in her head, "Who does he think he is? That bastard I'm-- I'm gonna ugh!"

Mingyu breaks into cold sweat on looking at his girlfriend, grimaces on watching you and fumes in anger when thinks about Joshua.

"Something must have happened, he ain't always like this.", Mingyu comments and is met by a death glare from Hyerin but he continues, "We need get it out of him."

"Whatever guys", you climb on your bed, laying down, "If you want me as your friend then never bring up Joshua ever again. I'm being serious right now.", you pull over the comforter and point your index towards the door, "Thanks for coming but now you both please get out."

Once the door slams shut, all the tears you've been holding stream down as you indulge in self dejection and that broken heart of yours bleeds in scarlet red. A colour so beautiful yet vicious.

A colour that Joshua gave you so brutally.

Joshua Hong was cruel to you and you pledge you're not going to give him the luxury to hurt you again, you're going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.

Joshua Hong is a just stranger to you now.

Joshua doesn't immediately leave from the park. He takes a seat on one of the rusty swing and cools down. And while doing so his mind lingers back on the recent episode he had with you.

Joshua is generally a calm guy, a bit cranky but mostly calm. So when his own voice echoes in his mind saying those words to you, he topples with guilt.

He knows he went overboard and he was the actual sick one for bringing up your ex into the conversation.

But words once said cannot be taken back.

Letting the emotions get consume you is never a wise choice and Joshua made that mistake today.

His heart constricts when he remembers your tear stained cheeks, hurt eyes and maimed demeanor.

"I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-"

He laughs. He is humored at how sincere you sounded when you were lying.

A Jack of Fools.

You are watching an interesting movie on your phone when someone taps you on your shoulder.

You crane your neck to see Jeonghan, seriousness ghosted over his face.

"What happened?"

He heaves a sigh and takes the sit across you.

"Before you start", you say getting up, "Let me bring something to eat."

Joshua enters the canteen and is displeased to see it extremely crowded. He searches and gladly he finds an unoccupied seat which he quickly takes.

On sweeping his gaze he finds Jeonghan occupying the table in front to his so he seats with his back faced to the later.

That's when he sees you passing by and hears a screech of chair. You place the food tray on the table as you take the seat opposite to Jeonghan's, and behind you is where Joshua is seated.

You don't notice Joshua.

"Spill.", you say, passing him a plate.

Jeonghan relents. He stays quiet for a moment before he's speaking, "It's about Seji."

You nod and wait for him to continue.

"We've been talking again.", he says and he wants to say a lot more but he cuts it down to, "My feelings are resurfacing."

"Your feelings for her were never gone.", you shrug poking the food on your plate you continue, "Look I don't get what the concept of being on & off is, so either you both get back or cut each other off. Otherwise I'm sorry but this looks very toxic to me."

"You're always so brutally honest", Jeonghan mops, "and have a clear conscience that's why I always confide in you."

"Oh, it's nice to hear that, someone just called me liar, sick and all sorts of synonyms it could go for.", You say meekly.

Joshua who has been eavesdropping, in his defence he had no choice as they sat behind him, it was all audible.

Jeonghan gasps in disbelief, "Who do I need to chain on? Tell me."

You give him a knowing smile and Jeonghan understands.

"Joshua berated you?", he ask gently, "I thought you were going to confess your feelings to him?"

Joshua freezes.

Then he hears a sob.

"Please, please don't cry. I don't know what happened but he doesn't deserve your tears.", Jeonghan rushes over to you as he hands you his handkerchief, "Gosh, I can't believe someone could hurt you so much. Promise I won't ever bring him up again, stop crying please."

You shake your head, wiping your tears, "I-I liked him a lot Han. And he said I was gonna double time with you and him."

Joshua hisses, he's ashamed.

Jeonghan sees red when he hears this, "He said what? No, I need to find him and beat the shit out of him. What a jerk, good riddance Y/N. Curse him all out now."

"Please Han", you tug on his sleeves, "He doesn't deserve any of this attention. I don't even want to hear his name anymore."

Jeonghan seethes but he decides to let it go for now. He would definitely deal with Joshua later.

"How about I take you that bakery? We can have everything you want!", he tries to cheer you up.

But you shake your head in protest, "You already bribed me so much for a mere cover design Han. I shouldn't rob you anymore."

Jeonghan rolls eyes, "Please it's not a mere cover, it requires so much effort and even though you're crammed with your tasks, you decided help me diligently."

"Fine.", you say, "You better sort things out with Seji and I'll text you when I work over on what discussed on before."

Joshua is this close to turn around, the apologies being on the tip of his tongue.

But you are leaving and Jeonghan follows you not before throwing a glare at the back of the person about whom you both just had a conversation.

Jeonghan knew about Joshua sitting exactly behind you this whole time.

"Hey mom", Joshua greets as he sits on the tool, "You wanted to discuss something?"

Mrs. Hong is standing by the kitchen counter, your words have been ringing in her head since that day and she wants her only son to know that he doesn't need to feel burdened if at all he has been feeling so.

"I want to ask something and I'm expecting an honest answer from you."

Joshua straightens in his seat as his attentive eyes fixates on his mother.

"What do you want to do Shua?", she elaborates when she see creases on his forehead out of confusion, "As in your choice for a career?"

Joshua's eyes goes round, as this was totally unexpected to him, something he had been meaning to bring this topic but never had the courage.

It suddenly felt like a blessing as he collects his thoughts and frames the sentence in his mind before speaking out.

"Mom, I don't want to be a lawyer.", he says and waits for his mother's reaction.

Mrs. Hong falters a bit but she quickly regains her composure.

Joshua notices, it's natural and expected, so he continues, "I don't know what I want to do but it's definitely not law mom. Just for clinging onto it because it was dad's profession, I don't wanna regret it later, have depression and blame everyone for it."

Mrs. Hong walks over to her son and pulls him into her embrace, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wanted to mom but I didn't have the courage to break your heart, knowing how much you treasure everything related to dad.", he whispers, voice wavering, "But won't dad be happier if I follow my passion and live in content?"

"Yes, he'd be so happy. I'm sorry for being so ignorant", Mrs. Hong sobs, "I should have been more attentive. You're allowed to do whatever you want Shua."

Joshua smiles in relief, a big weight being lifted off his chest.

"Thanks mom.", he say sincerely, "Thanks a lot."

"We both should be thanking that girl.", Mrs. Hong laughs, wiping her years and also patting her son's back.

"Who?", Joshua quips up.

"Oh you wouldn't know her." she says, "She made me realise that parents often take matters related to their children for granted and for providing them expect something in return."

"Please thank her on my behalf.", Joshua requests.

Next day, Joshua reaches the classroom as soon as he could because it's the only class he shares with you.

He just wants to see you.

You enter the class minutes after he does. Joshua's gaze is on you, you are aware but your gazes never meet, not when you walk past him and sit in the back.

In today's class, you are gonna get to know the project topics and will be assigned partners for completing the same.

Joshua hopes he get paired with you.

You pray to get assigned with anyone but Joshua.

"You can choose your partners.", the teacher announces, "In groups of two."

You groan, definitely luck not your side because you knew no one except one and the one you knew you'd never pair up with him.

Joshua is sure that universe is giving him a chance and with his new found confidence, he walks upto the walks to your desk.

When you see Joshua walking your way, you think he's gonna pass by but instead he halts infront of you.

You are going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.

"Hi Y/N..", he says with hesitancy.

You don't even spare him a glance.

Even though he's sweating and up on his toes, he asks, "Will you be my partner for this project?"

"No.", you say resting your face on the palms of your hands, still not looking at him, "Thanks for asking though."

"I'm sorry Y/N.", he just wants you to look at him atleast but you don't make any effort to do so, "I went overboard that day. Said many things I shouldn't have. I just--"

"You have said all the things you wanted to say because you wanted to hurt me.", you crane your neck to lips curl up in a mocking smile, "You don't have to apologise to look good to yourself specially when you don't mean it. Don't be a hypocrite and let's pretend to not know each other from now on."

You are standing up, grabbing your notebook as you continue, "Since you don't want to see my face, don't talk to me."

Joshua's words are coming to bit him back as pure venom.

You take out your phone, "Look here, I'm doing this infront of you so that you can get assured."

Joshua's curious gaze falls on the screen and his heart drops when he gets your intention.

"See I'm blocking your number.", you press on the block button and your thumb hovers over the delete button, "And now I'll delete your contact. Rest assured, you won't be bothered by me."

Joshua stays rooted to the ground until the teacher calls his name.

Fortunately, you don't get paired with Joshua.

"I don't want to see his face, let alone talk to him", Hyerin barks, literally barks, "You're calling in for your best friend's murder, I'm warning you."

Mingyu agrees that he's hypothetically plotting a murder by letting his girlfriend meet his best friend.

"Babe, when I said we need to get the root of this, we are gonna do so.", Mingyu warns Hyerin, "Now, when Joshua walks in through the door, I'll talk to him. You only speak when needed."

Hyerin huffs, "Lucky that I love you."

Mingyu grins and pecks her lips.

The door creaks open and Hyerin scoffs, "Here comes the idiot."

Joshua doesn't have a good feeling, specially seeing Hyerin who's constantly glaring at him and he thinks that's enough to drill holes into his skull.

"Hi guys", he tries to initiate a conversation, "Why did you wanna meet?"

"First, what you did Y/N was very lowly", Mingyu says, "I'm very disappointed in you."

Joshua sits quietly, hanging his head low.

"What do you know about Junsik?", Hyerin interrogates, "How do you know him?"

Joshua fiddles with his fingers and sits wordless.

"We're not here to look at your face, you better open that stupid mouth of yours like you had done that day.", Hyerin barks again, her patience wearing thin.

"Hyejoo told me about him.", Joshua says and looks up at her.

Hyerin stiffens, all the words she was about to gurgle gets stuck in her throat.

Joshua finds an opportunity and he relays everything that happened to the couple.

"You should have asked me about Jeonghan atleast.", Mingyi sighs, "And how could you bring up Junsik when you don't even know a thing about him?"

"Junsik was Y/N's first, well only boyfriend till now", Hyerin reveals, "who had dumped her over a text because he fell in love with a new chick in the school he just got transferred to. He just threw away a relationship of two years just like that."

"She has been aloof since then. Always reluctant to make friends, didn't show interest in other guys", she looks dead in his eyes, "Until you came along. But it's her bad luck, you also turned out to be a douche. And she was so excited to meet Anonymous until you intently stood her stood. I hope karma to be an actual bitch to you."

Joshua feels like he has been pushed into the trench, like what he deserves.

Hyerin feels humiliated because she had never thought that her sister could be so much of a menace.

She gets up and Mingyu looks at her alarmingly.

Placing her hand on his hand in assurance she tells, "Hyejoo needs to be taught a lesson so I need to go. I'll drop by Y/N's to apologize to her."

"Babe, don't blame yourself okay?", he says affectionately as he wraps his arms around her waist, "It's not your fault. Just go & handle the things your way."

She turns to look at Joshua, "I wonder how long you have known Hyejoo to believe all the shit she uttered that day."

The door slams and Joshua breathes out.

"I like her a lot, Gyu.", Joshua says in distress and Mingyu scoffs.

"Who, Hyejoo?", he counters, "Because that's the only plausible option I can think of."

"Right, I deserve to be mocked.", he admits, "You're so dumb Joshua Hong."

"Stop being miserable than you already are and if you are ready serious about Y/N, then make it up to her and confess your feelings.", Mingyu suddenly grins as he says, "I hope you get rejected five times before she accepts you."

Joshua could only grimace at his words. You couldn't pinpoint since when it started but you have been receiving some items with a cute note everyday. First time it was a mini bouquet that was kept in your locker with the note saying-

Like a bouquet tied with twine, I can be yours if you will be mine.

From, Your Anonymous

You didn't read much into, thinking someone must have mixed up the locker numbers. Next day, you found a miniature panda with another note saying- In a room full of basic brown bears, you are my panda.

From, Your Anonymous This time the gears in your brain turn harder when you reread the note. A lightbulb goes off and you find the literal meaning of the words at the end.

Your Anonymous means Your Anonymous in literals who is none other then Joshua Hong. That note and the teddy goes straight into the trash can. Third day, you find a strawberry juice can and a note which makes you snort.

You're the grenadine in my tequila sunrise. Without you, I'm just this strawberry juice.

From, Your Anonymous. "Now he's playing on my weakness.", you mumble eyeing the can, not having the heart to chuck it into the trash can.

Joshua watches as your stand there in dilemma with a grin set on his lips. The strawberry juice can ultimately doesn't show up in the trash can.

One day, you are climbing up the stairs reading an article on your phone when you bump into someone.

Very surprising, you find Joshua in front of you.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?", he asks and you dismiss him immediately turning to go on a seperate way when he says, "It's urgent, please."

You tail behind him as he leads to you a random empty class. You lean against the wall, Joshua stands at a distance.

"Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and I bought her a dress.", he starts explaining, "I accidentally tore a button...."

Silence fills in the air and Joshua watches you intently for any reaction. He watches your eyes go wide in absolute disbelief and next you're hitting him on his arm,   "Such an idiot", another hit, "Where's the dress? We need to fix it soon." Joshua is overjoyed but he doesn't show. "It's at home.", Joshua says, "Do you want me to bring it to school?" You roll eyes, "Have you thrown the remaining 1% of your brain in gutter?" Joshua nods, resembling a kicked puppy. An adorable kicked puppy. Your heart twists abnormally in your chest, no he's not the guy you like anymore, get a grip on yourself, he can be all cute but it doesn't effect you anymore-- "Y/N?" "Yes?" "So..."

"Oh yeah-- I don't have classes anymore so if it's okay with you then we can go now.", you offer curtly, "Since her birthday is tomorrow, we don't have time." You awkwardly stand in the middle of the hall as Joshua goes somewhere seeking for his mother. You hear their voices, not able to make anything coherent out of it as the padding sound of footsteps against the floor increases. Joshua walks in followed by his mother so when you see her you almost shriek in shock, "Mrs. Hong?" "Y/N?", Mrs. Hong, pushes her sone aside and runs to hug you, "Oh my, what a pleasant surprise!" Joshua stands as confused as ever as he watches you both gush about each other. "Shua", his mother calls, "I was talking about her, she's you were seeking for. Thank her yourself." Joshua feels all the air leaving his lungs at once. It's you, again. The same girl who he had trash talked straight on her face. The same girl who is present in his house just to help him. The same girl who he likes loves. He leads you to his room and the entire time you could sense the sudden shift in his aura. Crossing threshold of his room, hits you with a surge of Joshua. You look around, watching a large poster of LeBron James pasted on the wall adjacent to his bed. A huge stack of books about economics pilled up on his study table and a neatly made bed. "Here", Joshua lays the dress on the bed and hand you detached button, "How long will it take?" You deadpan, "Hardly 5 minutes." His face falls like tons of brick and it's so obvious that you had to stiffle a laugh. The dress is beautiful, you think but it's plain, too plain for your eyes and your hands itch but you should have no business with dress apart from stitching that button back. Joshua notices and he knows what's going on inside that mind of your. He trusts you, he wants you stay longer so he plays it down, "Don't you think the dress is simple. I bought it because that colour is beautiful and rare." You perk up at his words and Joshua swears he could melt into puddle if he'd stare at your doe eyes one more second. "I could stitch a flower towards the left flange of the dress.", you ponder over and ask, "What's her favourite flower?" "Daisies", he answers. "Oh that will be comparatively easy", you clasp your hands in excitement, "A simple satin stitch would do." Joshua looks at you with all the attentiveness in the world. His heart swells and he realises that it's been long he has stopped crushing over you. His heart yearns for you and maybe that's the reason he was hurt and raged seeing Jeonghan with you. He admits to loving you, he hopes that you'd give him another chance just to show that how much you mean to him. "Give me the dress", you are already searching designs on your phone, "It will take around 4-5 hours. Come and get it by 9." "Can I be with you?", he asks and you shot him a look. "What are you gonna do, except for bothering me?", you quip back, "Don't you hate me?" "I lov-- I won't bother you promise. Just let me be with you." His underlying tone resonates in your ears and heart does flips when you look him in the eyes. Brimming with emotions (read: love) "I don't have any other choice, do I?"

"Can you stop staring at me?", you finally blurt out, "Also, if you could not breathe on my neck!" Joshua doesn't bother listening to you, he's just having the time of his life watching you closely, basking in your presence. You are almost done with stitching the embroidery and Joshua yet again raises his hand to your mouth urging you to eat the pastry, one of the enormous amount of items he bought for you, emphasizing it's his way of saying thanks. "I can eat it myself--" "But both of your hands are occupied." This reasoning would take you nowhere. He has been acting as a lovesick soul, touch starved body and happy fool around you. And it's certainly not helping your heart in keeping check. You have finally embroidered the daisies and it turned out prettier than you had expected. "You can work magic on fabrics you know.", Joshua sincerely complements you, "Thanks a lot Y/N." "No big deal.", you smile, "Mrs. Hong is an amazing woman, she deserves all the love." Joshua gleans but suddenly remembers the purpose of crashing in your place. "Hey, there's a basketball game at my previous school on this weekend and I'd be playing, would you like to come?", Joshua asks. You look at him with a scowl on his your face, "Why don't you ask your Hyejoo to come with you?" Joshua almost scurries but it will be a lost battle if backs down now. "Am I not being obvious?", Joshua asks all seriousness ghosting over him. "What?" "Am I not being obvious with my feelings?", Joshua asks again. "What are you insinuating?" "I want you, only you, and no one else to come to my match. You matter to me because..", he breathes in, breathes out, shuts his eyes, open them just to say-- "I love you, Y/N." He does it. Says the words he had been meaning to tell you, the words those set themselves on the tip of his tongue whenever he saw you. "Josh..." He smiles at the slip of his nickname from you and leans in to you. "I was so mad when I saw you with Jeonghan, because I was jealous.", he admits, "I wanted to be the one feeding you, wanted to be the one hugging, to be the only one to closely watch that beautiful smile of yours." You are rendered speechless. But Joshua has so much to say. "The outburst I had, it was only because I realised I have been in love with you and the possibility of you not reciprocating, was hurting." He rummages through his bag and you see him taking out a jersey. "You don't have to say anything now.", he smiles and pats your head, "Think through and", he hands you the jersey, "Let me know on the match day." You lay the jersey on your bed and see a 17 imprinted on white below the name Joshua. Joshua is by the door when he calls your name, "Whatever your decision is, I'll respect it.", and he's out of your room and house. You don't know much about basketball but you know when a player gives their jersey to someone prior to a match, what do they want and what can the indications be. You let out a scream and immediately fetch your phone to dial a number, "Hello, Rin...."

It's matchday. Joshua is nervous. Partially because of the game, partially because of you. When Seungcheol, a good friend and teammate of his from previous basketball school team had requested him to play one last game before they officially strike out his name from the team list, Joshua agreed instantly. A farewell game, he thought. The team does warm ups and stretches before the game starts. Joshua steals glances at the courtside every now and then but fails to find you. He's afraid that you won't come at all and his heart would shatter into millions. "Hey, looking there often won't make her magically appear.", Seungcheol knows and he teases, "I never thought our best shooting guard would be playing shooting hearts too." "Oh juicy juicy", Soonyoung, another teammate, who's also the centre of their team quips in when he overhears the two, "Joshua Hong is in love!!!", he shouts a little too loudly out of enthusiasm and now the whole team knows. The warm up is over and the game starts in twenty minutes.

Joshua checks his phone for one last time to see no notifications of your name and remembers you have his number blocked and contact deleted. Dejected, he switches off the device and deposits it to the collector, heading to change into his jersey. The game is already into the second quarter and Joshua's team is leading by only four points. Soonyoung slips causing his dribble to be cut and the opponent's point guard steals the ball and scores a two pointer. Soon the whistle blows and both the teams head to their respective locker rooms. As soon as Joshua enters the room, he's slammed against one of the locker by Seungcheol. He groans in pains at the sudden impact. "Listen dude, I get you're vagued but please don't let the team down. Coach is already contemplating on substituting you.", Seungcheol is frustrated, but he cares, "I want the best shooting guard within the entire school to score points. Stop being diverted and focus on the game." "Sorry", Joshua gruffs out, "I will--" "What the hell? Unhand him right now Mr.!" The whole locker room pivot their attention on the source of the voice. Joshua thinks he's hallucinating when he sees you standing in front of them, hands crossed over and brows cocked. Wearing his jersey and having his jersey number, 17 painted on your left cheek. Seungcheol looks at you, then he looks at Joshua to get the confirmation he needs. "It's her guys.", he announces with a huge grin as his hands free Joshua. Suddenly the locker room fills with  whistles, hoots and hollers. "Hi! Thanks for coming. I'm Soonyoung by the way.", a guy with questionably dyed hair greets you. "Hi, I'm Y/N...", you greet him back and gulp nervously when you realise all pair of eyes are on you. "We don't need to be here anymore it seems.", Mingyu tells Hyerin and the later nods, the two leaving to occupy their seats at the courtside. "Thanks in advance for saving the match.", Seungcheol comes to you and says, "And I'm Seungcheol, the captain." Then he looks at Joshua, "You have 10 minutes", and announces, "Clear out the room guys!" Everyone follows, all of them greeting you with huge grins making their way out. Now the two of you are left and the atmosphere turns heavy. You walk upto Joshua and grab his arms to shake him out of the trance. "Hi", you giggle. "You came...", Joshua whispers. You are about to say something but suddenly you feel yourself loose a footing as you are slammed against the locker, hands pinned over it. Joshua hovers over you, his body pressing yours and if you entire focus isn't on his lips, you could have heard both of your hearts beating rapidly. "Can't believe you agreed to be all mine, I don't deserve you ", he whispers leaning closer. "Just kiss me & seal the deal.", you bite your lips, gaze flicking to his eyes. "Gladly.", he smiles and closes the gap. Your lips are just touching when the whistle blows. You laugh, giving him a slight push, "Times up." Joshua tries to get back on you immediately but you manage to run out his grip and the room yelling, "Earn your kiss, babe!" And Joshua takes it personally. You never knew basketball matches could be this exciting and you regret not attending them previously. Oh the man, Joshua Hong is, your eyes are glued to him as he runs around the court with that sweat glistening glow on him. The game is now into it's last quarter and you squeal as Joshua scores a two pointer extending the lead. Everytime he scores, his teammates cheered looking at you and you're sure that the whole arena knows that Number 17 of home team is either trying to woo you or you both are already a thing. It's a few seconds until the game ends and opponents foul Joshua. All the players stand behind the three points line and the free line extension. You are brimming in anticipation as you see Joshua taking position at the base of the line. The home team needs their shooting guard to score the three points from the long shot. The long field goal which would seal the win. The referee blows the whistle, a cue for Joshua to shoot his shot.

Joshua takes a deep breathe, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The arena is pin drop silent all eyes on the man on the line. You breathe hitches when Joshua raises his hands holding the ball and looks at you. "This one's for you!", he yells and releases the ball looking forward. You swear the time slows down as the ball revolves on the ring, you admit dramatically, before it falls into the basket. The arena blasts with cheers and Joshua is already hurled over on his teammates' shoulder as they hail his name. You see him. He sees you. Then you're running down the stairs and jumping over the partition to reach him. The team hollers when they see you in the court. Putting down Joshua, they push you to him, circling the two of you as they chant in delight, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" You grin looking at him which turns into a gasp when he suddenly grabs your hips and lifts you up. "Am I worthy of getting a kiss now?", he asks, smiling cheekily. Your response comes in form of you dipping down and placing your lips on his. You feel him smile against your lips as they slot into each other perfectly and he holds you to him tighter. "Get a room!" You both hear a yell, knowing it came from Mingyu. You are the one who breaks the kiss but Joshua pecks you one more before putting you down. The teases never simmer down for the rest of the evening.

"Thanks for all backing me up the whole time I was talking to them, my parents even started looking for universities for fashion technology courses.", you sigh in content, resting your chin on your palm. "You did a lot more for me. Talking to my mom, making me signing up for the varsity training program and whatnot.", Joshua makes sure you know how grateful he'll always be. "Oh by the way I changed your contact back to Anonymous.", you inform him. "You can't do this your boyfriend!" Joshua props beside you, with pouty lips and doe eyes. "I can. I already did.", you deadpan. "Why should my contact be saved as Anonymous?", he tries to snatch your phone, "Change it to babe, love, sweetheart anything. "You glare at your dramatic boyfriend, "Because that's where it started. You are my Anonymous." Joshua grins, finding it somehow cute and romantic at stance. "Anonymously Mine.", you say. "Anonymously Yours", he echoes.

Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ©️

[geotjwrs]

BROKEN ECHOES

Pairings ; Non-Actress!Jenna Ortega x Male!Reader

Warnings ; angst? reader is a bit major walking red-flag

The apartment lay engulfed in an oppressive silence, broken only by the occasional creak of the floorboards beneath Jenna's restless pacing. She moved with determined strides, her mind a tempest of doubt and apprehension. Each step echoed in the stillness of the night, a steady rhythm of uncertainty that seemed to reverberate off the walls.

She glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time, the glowing digits taunting her with their relentless advance. 2:47 AM. Y/N should have been home hours ago, but with each passing minute, Jenna's unease grew more pronounced.

Their dreams of conquering the music industry together had always burned bright, fueled by a passion that blazed hotter than any wildfire.

But lately, as they navigated the treacherous waters of fame and success, those dreams seemed to slip further and further from their grasp.

The strain was starting to show on their relationship, the once unbreakable bond between them now stretched thin, threatening to snap with each passing day.

Finally, just as Jenna was on the verge of giving in to the overwhelming urge to call Y/N for the nineteenth time, she heard the familiar jingle of keys in the lock. The door swung open, and Y/N stumbled through, his shoulders slumped with exhaustion and his eyes heavy with fatigue.

Jenna stood with arms crossed, her features contorted in a mask of frustration and hurt as she glared at Y/N, who sat slouched on the couch, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"Where were you?" Jenna's voice sliced through the silence, sharp and accusatory.

Y/N jaw clenched, a flicker of irritation crossing his features before he masked it with a forced calm. "I lost track of time at the studio. I'm sorry, Jen."

The apology fell flat, leaving a bitter taste in Jenna's mouth as she struggled to contain the rising tide of emotion threatening to consume her. "You're always 'losing track of time,' Y/N," she spat, her voice trembling with anger. "Do you even care about us anymore?"

Y/N's expression hardened, his own frustration bubbling to the surface as he met Jenna's accusing stare with a glare of his own. "Of course I care, Jen. But you're not the only one with dreams, you know. I'm trying to make something of myself, to give us a future worth fighting for."

Tears welled up in Jenna's eyes, threatening to spill over as she struggled to find the words to express the depth of her pain. "I miss us, Y/N," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. "I miss the way things used to be, when it was just you and me against the world. But now...now it feels like we're strangers, trapped in a cycle of disappointment and resentment."

Y/N's resolve faltered, his anger melting away as he reached out for Jenna, his touch gentle and tentative. "I miss us too, Jenna," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "I hate seeing you like this, so distant and hurt. I just...I don't know how to fix things anymore."

For a moment, they stood there in silence, their hearts laid bare before each other as they grappled with the magnitude of their shared pain. But then, slowly, almost hesitantly, Jenna reached out for Y/N, her hand trembling as she cupped his cheek.

"Maybe we can't fix things," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. "But we can try. We can fight for each other, for what we once had. Because even if it feels like we're drowning, I still believe there's a way forward. And I'm not ready to give up on us just yet."

Y/N's eyes brimmed with tears, his own resolve crumbling as he pulled Jenna into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. "I'm not ready to give up on us either, Jenna," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, to find our way back to each other."

But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, and still, the rift between them seemed to widen with each passing day. Arguments became more frequent, their tempers flaring at the slightest provocation. They clashed over everything, from the smallest of details to the biggest of decisions, each disagreement driving a deeper wedge between them.

Jenna tried to ignore the growing sense of unease that gnawed at her insides, but it was impossible to ignore the fact that something had changed between them.

Y/N was no longer the carefree, easygoing partner she had fallen in love with; instead, he seemed distant and preoccupied, as if he were carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

One evening, as they sat across from each other at the dinner table, the tension between them reached its breaking point. A seemingly innocuous comment from Y/N sparked a heated argument, their voices rising in anger until they were shouting over each other, their words laced with hurt and frustration.

"I can't do this anymore, Y/N," Jenna cried, her voice raw with emotion. "I don't even understand you anymore. All you care about is your fucking bullshit."

Y/N's expression hardened, his eyes flashing with anger. "Well, maybe if you weren't so damn stubborn all the time, we wouldn't be in this mess. But this isn't a big deal anymore, Jenna. I'm already here." Don't you even he shot back, his voice dripping with venom.

Jenna eyes narrowed, her patience wearing thin. "Not a big deal? You promised we'd spend tonight together, Y/N. You were forced to go home right away because you know I don't want to wait for you. But once again, your music takes precedence over everything else."

Y/N bristled at her words, his temper flaring as he rose to his feet, his voice laced with frustration. "You don't understand, Jenna. This is my career, my passion. I can't just drop everything whenever you snap your fingers."

Jenna recoiled, her heart pounding with a mix of anger and hurt. "Is that what you think this is about? Me snapping my fingers? I'm tired of always coming second to your music, Y/N. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough."

Y/N's expression hardened, his resolve steeling as he met Jenna's gaze head-on. "Maybe you're not," he bit out, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. "Maybe I need someone who understands what it means to be with a musician, someone who supports my dreams instead of trying to tear them down."

Jenna's breath caught in her throat, the weight of his words crushing her spirit. "Is that what you want, Y/N? Someone who worships at your feet, who bends over backwards to accommodate your every whim?"

Y/N's eyes flashed with anger, his patience wearing thin. "I don't know what I want anymore, Jenna. All I know is that this...us...it's not working. Maybe it's time we face the truth."

The words hung in the air between them, a heavy silence descending upon the room like a suffocating blanket. Jenna felt as if she'd been punched in the gut, the realization hitting her with a force she hadn't anticipated. Was this the end of their love story? A bitter twist of fate that tore them apart at the seams?

Tears welled up in Jenna's eyes, threatening to spill over as she struggled to find the words to express the depth of her pain. "I can't do this anymore, Y/N," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the pounding of her heart. "I can't keep pretending that everything is okay when it's not. We're falling apart, and I don't know how to fix it."

Y/N recoiled as if struck, the weight of Jenna's words hitting him like a ton of bricks. "Maybe we're just not meant to be," he whispered, his voice heavy with regret.

And in that moment, as they stood on the precipice of their shattered dreams, Jenna and Y/N knew that their love story had come to an end. They were two souls destined to walk separate paths, forever haunted by the echoes of what could have been.

Jenna's heart shattered as Y/N's words reverberated in her mind. She had never imagined their relationship would come to such a bitter end. Every memory of their time together seemed tainted now, every shared moment soured by the knowledge that it was all for naught.

As she stumbled out of the apartment, tears streaming down her cheeks, Jenna felt as if she were drowning in a sea of sorrow. How had it all gone so wrong? What had happened to the love they had once shared, the bond that had seemed unbreakable?

Lost in her thoughts, Jenna wandered the empty streets, her footsteps echoing in the silence of the night. She had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. All she could do was mourn the loss of what could have been, the dreams they had once dared to dream now nothing more than shattered illusions.

Hours passed in a blur, the night stretching on endlessly as Jenna grappled with the enormity of her grief. And then, just when she thought she couldn't bear the pain any longer, a voice broke through the darkness, calling out to her from the shadows.

"Jenna?"

She turned, her heart skipping a beat as she saw him standing there, his silhouette illuminated by the soft glow of the streetlights.

Y/N stood before her, his expression a mixture of regret and longing. His eyes, once filled with fire and determination, now held a hint of vulnerability that tugged at Jenna's heartstrings.

"I'm sorry, Jenna," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean what I said back there. I was angry, and I lashed out. Please, forgive me."

Jenna felt her resolve waver, torn between the pain of his betrayal and the lingering love she still held for him deep in her heart. She wanted to turn away, to shut him out and walk away forever. But something held her back, some invisible thread that bound them together despite everything that had transpired between them.

"I don't know if I can forgive you, Y/N," she admitted, her voice tinged with sadness. "But I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of this endless cycle of pain and anger. Can't we just...let go?"

Y/N's eyes glistened with unshed tears as he took a step closer, his hand outstretched as if to touch her. "I don't want to let go, Jenna," he confessed, his voice thick with emotion. "I know I messed up, but I still love you. I always will."

Jenna felt her resolve crumble as she looked into his eyes, seeing the raw honesty shining there. Despite everything, despite the hurt and the betrayal, she couldn't deny the truth of his words. She loved him too, with every fiber of her being, and she knew she always would.

With a heavy sigh, Jenna reached out for him, her hand trembling as it met his. "I love you, Y/N," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the pounding of her heart. "But love isn't always enough, is it?"

Y/N's grip tightened around her hand, his eyes shining with determination. "No, it's not," he agreed, his voice tinged with sadness. "But maybe...just maybe...we can find a way forward together. One step at a time."

The streets stretched out before them, a labyrinth of shadows and echoes, mirroring the tangled mess of emotions that churned within Jenna and Y/N's hearts. Each step they took felt like a weight pressing down on their weary souls, a reminder of the fractured bond that held them together and tore them apart in equal measure.

As they wandered aimlessly through the city, Jenna and Y/N found themselves drawn to places that held memories of their shared past. They passed by the cafe where they had shared their first kiss, the park where they had laughed and danced beneath the stars, the alley where they had sought refuge from the world.

But now, each familiar sight was tinged with bitterness, a cruel reminder of the love they had lost and the pain that lingered in its wake. They walked in silence, their footsteps echoing in the empty streets, their hearts heavy with regret and longing.

Hours passed like eternities, the night stretching on endlessly as Jenna and Y/N wandered deeper into the heart of the city. They spoke little, their words swallowed by the darkness that surrounded them, their thoughts consumed by the wreckage of their broken relationship.

And then, just when it seemed like they had reached the end of their journey, they found themselves standing on the edge of a bridge, the river below shimmering in the moonlight like a beacon of hope in the darkness.

For a moment, they stood there in silence, their eyes locked on the water below, their hearts heavy with the weight of what had been and what could never be. And then, without a word, Y/N turned to Jenna, his eyes filled with a sorrow too deep for tears.

"I'm sorry, Jenna," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the rushing of the river below. "I never meant for things to end like this. I never wanted to hurt you."

Jenna's breath caught in her throat, a lump forming in her chest as she struggled to find the words to express the depth of her pain. "I know, Y/N," she choked out, her voice trembling with emotion. "But sometimes, sorry isn't enough. Sometimes, the damage is too deep to be repaired."

Y/N's eyes glistened with unshed tears as he reached out for her, his hand trembling as it brushed against her cheek. "I love you, Jenna," he confessed, his voice thick with emotion. "I always will. And if there's any way I can make things right, any way I can earn your forgiveness, I'll do it. I swear."

But Jenna shook her head, her heart breaking with the weight of his words. "It's too late for that, Y/N," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. "We've hurt each other too much, pushed each other away too many times. I don't think we can ever go back to the way things were."

And in that moment, as they stood on the brink of their shattered dreams, Jenna and Y/N knew that their love story had come to an end. They were two souls destined to walk separate paths, forever haunted by the echoes of what could have been.

For sometimes, love was not enough to mend the fractures of a broken heart.

And as they parted ways, each consumed by their own regrets and what-ifs, Jenna and Y/N made a silent vow to themselves: no matter how dark the road ahead may be, they would face it alone, forging their own paths to redemption.

For in the end, the only person they could rely on was themselves.

[guppygiggles]

I've really had a bee in my bonnet about this today, so... Here's a short fic with ler!Avery. /////

I might develop this into a longer story at some point, and I am definitely going to draw something for it, because I'm already almost done with the sketch.

Fair warning: I normally write a lot of lead-up and take time to set a scene. I didn't do that, here... This is very indulgent, hah. There's a little bit of ice play, restraints, and subtle medical theming. No other warnings apply. Enjoy!

“Avery, put me-

DAAAAHAHAOWN!” I squealed as his gentle fingers pressed into my sides again, issuing another brief flurry of tweaks along my flanks. Held aloft by ghostly fingers clamped around my wrists and ankles, I could do nothing but glower into his smirking face. 

“That big grin is taking all the venom out of your glare, you know,” he teased, sweeping a few strands of hair behind my hot ear. I twitched with sensitivity, shaking my head as I choked back a giggle. A glint in his eye told me that he caught it, too. 

“When you asked me to help in your lab, I didn't think using me as a test subject was what you had in mi-EEEEEE!” My screech echoed off the walls of his basement laboratory as he pulled my shirt forward, unceremoniously rubbing a smooth piece of ice across my bare tummy. “That's cold! What was that for?!”

“I'm curious… Does cold make humans more ticklish?” 

I flushed. Oh, god… 

“N-no, it doesn't, I assure you it doesn't, Avery- waitwaitWAHAHAAHAHAIT!” All ten of his soft, chilly fingertips scribbled into my belly, forcing an embarrassingly gleeful laugh from me. With his hands still under my shirt, it tickled with an intensity that caught me off guard. I squirmed, but the cloud-hands securing my limbs held fast as they suspended me in midair. 

“I hate to break this to you, but… that did not sound as distressed as I bet you were hoping it would,” he noted, picking up his clipboard and pen. 

“Oh, don't pretend like you're taking notes! Come on, you know the ice had nothing to do with it. You already know I'm… um…”

He scrawled something, then paused, pen still touching paper as he turned his attention back to me. He raised an eyebrow, tilting his head forward to leer over the rim of his glasses. 

“Already know what…?”

I pressed my lips together; I'd already said too much. I turned my head away as I felt my flush creep down my neck, but as he set the clipboard down again, I knew he wasn't going to let that go. It was all I could do to suppress a whimper. 

“Is there something you'd like to admit… test subject~?” His grin was downright evil, now. 

I tried to steel myself, but I couldn't even meet his eyes as he lifted his hand, slipping a couple silky fingertips under my chin. Tucking my head forward only resulted in him scampering his digits along my jawline instead, giggling at my attempt to impede him. I laughed in ticklish futility, my shoulders trembling. 

“N-Nohoho!” 

“Are you sure…?” 

He scribbled from my jawline, down my neck… and then both sets of digits nestled into my armpits, gently scritching over the soft fabric of my t-shirt. 

“GEEEEE-! YEHEHEHES I'M S-SUHURE! HAHAHA!” My giggly laughter quickly escalated into hearty cackling – Avery's low, playful chuckle barely a whisper beneath. His fingers continued to whirl softly, drawing more uncontrollable hysterics out of me, until I was certain my blush had spread all over my body; the idea of that ice cube grew more and more friendly by the moment… 

Then, I felt the cloud doctor’s hands flatten against my body, stroking soothingly down my sides. I let out a tittering exhale, a dopey smile on my lips as I looked up at him… his eyes ever-loving, ever-kind. As the ghostly fingers restraining me finally released, I fell into his plush, tender embrace. 

“Well, now… how'd you like being captured by a mad scientist?” He asked, snickering as he nuzzled into my neck. A kiss like rose petals brushed my skin, causing me to murmur as I yawned, already feeling the effects of the physical exertion. My heart rate relaxed, slowing to beat in time with his. 

“Well, I’d volunteer again, so… maybe I'm the mad one, after all.” 

[agirlwithdemonblood]

The Celebrity Next Door: Chapter 12 - Brewing Affection

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Jensen get back on track after a horrific night, and he has a request for her.

Warnings: Nothing, just a little panic but mainly fluff.

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

The morning arrived too soon, its bright light invading the bedroom and causing me to wince. I turned over and checked the time, frowning at the digital display that read "10:00 am."

Even though I slept in for the first time in a while, exhaustion lingered. Rolling onto my side, I watched the figure beside me lying still and snoring softly.

A small smile crossed my face; at least he seemed better than last night. We were both a mess of emotions last night, but Jensen... God I hated seeing him like that. I vowed to prevent him from ever reaching that point again.

I was careful slipping out of bed, not wanting to disturb him, as I tiptoed across the carpeted floor of my bedroom, my injured foot throbbing with every step down the stairs.

Finally downstairs in the kitchen, I silently thanked myself for suggesting we spend the night here, or else we wouldn't have been able to make coffee in the morning, which I desperately needed.

As the coffee machine sputtered to life, I began gathering pans for breakfast but froze at the sound of movement upstairs. Heavy footsteps hurried across the hallway, echoing loudly down the stairs.

"Y/N? Sweetheart?" Jensen's voice called out, stained with panic.

I peeked around the kitchen counter, meeting his eyes. "I'm here. Are you okay?"

He sighed, a small smile spreading across his face as he walked over and wrapped me in a tight hug. "I'm good.. I just..."

I understood his concern all too well, having had my own moments of doubt and fear, I nodded. "You don't have to say anything."

"What are you up to?" he asked, eager to change the subject.

Leaning against the counter, I kissed his forehead before reaching for the coffee pot. "I was trying to surprise you with breakfast and coffee, but you woke too soon."

He chuckled softly, "Don't be silly. Sit down. Your foot must be killing you."

I shrugged, settling onto a barstool with a wince. It hurt more than I wanted to admit, each pulse a reminder of my injury.

I watched Jensen move around the kitchen effortlessly, a routine he knew all too well. It was still new to me, and I found myself admiring his composure and soothing presence.

He turned to face me, his cheeks burning red at the way my eyes traveled along his face to his body. "Stop looking at me like that," he teased.

I laughed, my eyes moving back to lock into his. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He grinned, a smile that melted me every time. "What do you want to do today?" He asked, his eyes searching mine nervously.

Shrugging, I took a sip of coffee. "Not sure, what about you?"

He hesitated, his anxiety evident. I reached out, placing my hand on his, offering a reassuring smile. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Nodding, he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around me. "I want to take you somewhere, show you something."

"Okay," I replied, curious.

"To Texas." He blurted out, the panic rising in his face.

I blinked in surprise. "Texas? Today?"

He nodded, a nervous smile tugging at his lips. "I know, it sounds sudden and maybe crazy. But after last night, I think we need to talk, and I want to show you some things to help you understand."

My heart ached at the vulnerable look on his face. I smiled reassuringly, "I guess we're going to Texas."

His eyes lit up, and he gazed at me sincerely. "Really?"

"If you think it'll help us, then yes. But first, let's grab breakfast on the way to the airport." I suggested.

He grinned, rushing upstairs to get packed before pausing and turning back to offer his arm. "Oh, sorry I forgot you are one leg short."

I slapped his arm playfully, laughter bubbling between us. "I'm not 'one leg short' you jerk!"

He chuckled, whispering, "Whatever you say, Limpy," just loud enough for me to hear before my hand found his head in a playful smack.

"Oops" he said, chuckling harder, My bad."

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 13 coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[ro994art]

Bluey Minisodes Minireviews: Part 2!

Hello again, people! I've been needing something to distract myself from a few media disappointments I've been getting lately from certain franchises I once enjoyed. And just in the nick of time arrive some short, sweet, lighthearted slice-of-life adventures from everyone's favorite Australian blue pup.

I'm talking, of course, about the new Bluey minisodes! I don't know about you guys, but to me these were a welcome break from... well, a lot of things happening right now. I reviewed the first batch of these back in July, so I thought, why not give my quick thoughts on these as well? I guess I've unofficially become a Bluey reviewer now? A minireviewer at the very least, LOL.

⚠️ As always, spoilers for these shorts below the cut.

🖍️ Tattoo Shop

Without a doubt, this short is the PERFECT representation of what it's like to be a Girl Dad™. 😂 Bandit knew what he was getting into no doubt, but I like how he still played along. Of course, this is Bandit Heeler we're talking about, so we wouldn't expect less. I think that's pretty much all I have to say about this one. Oh, and that the design of the tattoo the girls did was really pretty, I kinda want it as a sticker x)

🦄 Phoney

Unicorse returns! He's not exactly my favorite character (or, running gag, I guess?), but I admit that he does make for some fun scenes, especially when he isn't acting extremely annoying, and I found his annoyance levels in this short to be at just the right amount. Plus, it was satisfying to see the girls "defeat" him, so to speak, at the end. 😂 I just hope stuff like this doesn't happen with too much frequency whenever Chilli tries to relax, because otherwise, Bandit is in serious danger. 😅 (I'm joking of course, we've seen Bandit know when to give Chilli her space, and that's great. He can still have fun from time to time, he just better find his wife in a good mood x'D)

🏰 Blocks

Okay, I really loved this one. Definitely tied for my favorite from the batch with another one that I'll mention in a bit x) Some of you may know this, but along with mom-centered Bluey episodes, I also have a soft spot for grandmother-centered Bluey episodes, since I grew up with my mom and grandma until the latter passed away last year (and it's one of the reasons why I really love the episode "Charades" despite it apparently being one of the most hated once in the fandom, but I digress 😅)

Anyways, up until now, we hadn't seen all that much of Nana Chris and Grandpa Bobba interacting and just, y'know, being an old married couple, so we finally got that, albeit in the midst an unusual circumstance, but I still found it really sweet. ❤️ Especially the end. 💖 I also think this might be the first time we've seen time cards used in Bluey? I really like those for some reason, LOL. Another thing I loved about this episode were the background details! I was really nerding out about little stuff such as the colorful pillboxes, the porcelain dog ornaments, the photos on both the fridge and shelves, etc.! As someone who literally lives in her grandma's house, all of those details made it feel more like, well, grandma's house x) I love how much love and effort the designers and animators put into small things like that. They deserve all the praise.

Also, I don't know if I'm crazy, but I'm PRETTY sure that when Bluey asked "Did you leave our blocks up?" near the end, that was the actual, unfiltered voice of her voice actress? Like, a lot of people have said that they've been digitally "de-aging" the kids voices as they've grown older so they don't have to change the actors, and I'm pretty sure her voice during that line sounded older, like they forgot to digitally alter the pitch on that one. Just something I noticed that I'm not sure if anyone else caught or not. 😬

Anyways, that review turned out longer than expected, but I can't help it. I love grandparent eps. 😋

📠 Government

I think this was the unofficial sequel to "Animals" from last batch xD The way they played the game was pretty similar, just with its own Bandit flavor and dad humor of course. I think the biggest take from both of those shorts is that Bingo is REALLY ticklish, but likes getting tickled. 😂 Oh and, the way Bandit curled Bingo into a little ball at the end? I had no idea they could do that, but uhm, okay I guess. 😅

🥁 Drums

Sooooo, Chilli wants to get Bingo into violin? Even though the latter doesn't really seem interested in that? I just hope that's not something that's going to get forced onto her eventually. 😬 I mean, knowing Chilli, I'm sure she won't make Bingo do it if she tells her that she doesn't like violin. And Bingo has been getting better at speaking her mind, so, I think it hopefully won't come to that.

But anyways, about the drums: Bingo's surprisingly good at them for a beginner! 😄 I'm pretty sure she gets it from her dad. 😉 I think this episode was another showcase of "Bingo may seem like a calm and chill kid, but there's also a bit of a wild side to her that not many expect" that's been happening in more recent episodes such as "Dragon". Even though I do appreciate and can better relate to calm characters, that's still a fun side of Bingo to explore, so I hope they keep giving us glimpses of that. Oh, and that they let Bingo play more drums. She seemed to like them. :3

🧸 Browny Bear

This is the other minisode tied with "Blocks" for my favorite of the new batch. 😆 From the title alone, I'm not sure what I was expecting from this, but a film noir parody starring Unicorse's puppet lawyer was definitely not it xD But it was still super fun! A lot of animated shows that I love have actually done film noir parodies, such as the original FOP, MLP:FiM, and Monsters at Work, and those episodes always end up being some of my favorites of their respective season because of how entertaining and funny the format is. Ironically, I've never seen an actual movie of that genre in my life. 😅 I'm not awfully sure if I'd like the real thing, but the parody is always fun to watch LOL. And even though they didn't make the episode black-and-white like is usual with this type of episodes, the way they worked with the sharp shadows through the half-open blinds was VERY clever, like this is how the family is actually playing this. Smart move, animators. 👏

I wouldn't mind seeing Browny Bear more often. He was quite funny and, in my opinion, more tolerable than Unicorse. 😅 (I like the guy, he's just a bit much sometimes 😬)

Oh, and like I said: Bingo gets it from her dad. 😉

🌊 Whirlpool

This one was just cuteness overload x) I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who got nostalgic flashbacks of playing in inflatable pools in the backyard as kids. ☺️ I personally never played this game, though, and even if I had thought of it, I don't think I could've, since the inflatable pools my family owned were very little even for a kid. 😅 But it looked like these kiddos were having a blast, and that made my heart happy. AND CHUCKYYYYYYYY!!! I love that they included him, I LOVE Chucky, he's such a sweet character with an ADORABLE design. I'd love to see more of him. More love for Chucky pls. 💛

Final thoughts:

Like I said, I've been needing more Bluey lately. These little shorts in particular always make for some great mind soap if you just want to watch something sweet and fun. Though, similarly to what I said in the last review, I would still like to see other characters besides the main Heeler family get explored in these. We did get a bit of that with Nana and Grandpa, besides Lucky's involvement, but again: Why not give us a Pompom short? Or a Calypso short? Maybe a glimpse of Winton and the Terriers ajusting to living together? While yes, we all love the core Heelers, this show also has so many other great, beloved characters, and these 90-second shorts could be cool opportunities to get a bit more from them.

But, I reiterate: I will never complain about more Bluey content. Could there be more done with these? Sure. Am I mad at what we got? Not at all! I still have a blast watching them, and a 15 minute break from both real life and fandom-related stresses is always welcome.

Can't wait for whatever Bluey content may come next. ✨

[molkolsdal]

btwn 2020 and 2023 I gained 60 pounds and I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I used to work out regularly and eat well before that (literally my abs were showing up and my bum was so nice and lifted 😩) so I thought "OK no need to panic, I already know what I need to get healthy" but my life is totally different than it was pre-2020 so it was hard to get back into it without those same conditions. I was trying to get healthy last year but I was so inconsistent and gave up more times than I'd like to admit. But after realizing how much money I was wasting (on new clothes cuz I was too big for my old ones, takeout, gym memberships I wasn't using, weed) I was like what the fuck am I doing???

We bought a new digital scale that you can connect to an app and I was able to see things more clearly like my percentage of visceral fat etc etc and I also spoke to some of my work friends about where they work out (like orange theory and f45) and how it's expensive but worth it cuz it keeps you accountable. So I finally quit my cheap, overpacked gym that I hated going to, signed up for orange theory, started taking my step tracker and My Fitness Pal more seriously, and have broken my long term goal down into smaller checkpoints so that i can keep track of my progress more easily rather than just having this dream I'm trying to reach in the distant future. Now I've lost 8 pounds in 2 months, don't crave weed or sugar anymore (and I still let myself enjoy stuff on Friday and Saturday if the mood does strike), and actually enjoy (look forward to!) my workouts.

I don't know why I initially started making this post but I'm just really happy with where I am now cuz for the longest time it seemed impossible to be healthy again, and now it's finally happening.

[batscale]

I stepped outside barefoot, felt like myself, and Healed just a little.

I'm at my parent's home for the semester after about ~2 years of college, for both academic and mental health reasons. This morning I had the house to mostly myself, and already had most of the chores done for the day (because I woke up early to help sleepy teenagers get to school) when I got a knock on the door. I cracked the door open (after half knocking over one of my mom's pots, thankfully it didn't break) to an old man barely above my eye-line I never met before. (Thats how you know he was short, since I am a very short person who is often mistaken for someone 5-10 years younger.)

He explained that he thinks one of our packages arrived at his house, and asked if this was house and if (not the actual name) a Taylor Brown lived here. I told him no, a Taylor Brown didn't live here and the house number was one digit wrong, and he started to get a little jittery and worried. He handed me a cute note with a dog on it and tried to explain more, and the paper was clearly meant to be a message left if no one answered the door, and that the package was probably a crib mattress. Then, I remembered that; 1. I did have a package that was crib-mattress-sized I was waiting for, and there is the possibility it could be it even if it was slim 2. Even if the package wasn't mine, there was zero reason I couldn't at least help this man get the package to the right home It was like a switched flipped in my brain when the 2nd point entered my mind, I felt ten times lighter and offered to check if the package was mine and help even if it wasn't. He seemed a little taken aback, said he didn't want to take my time, and I admitted I had nothing to do that couldn't wait and that I wanted to help. In my excitement, I walked straight out the door and with him down the street, bare feet and pajamas and all. We were barely down a house when another neighbor, another older man, asked jokingly "what do your parents know you walk outside with bare feet? what do they think?", and I joked back that "yeah they do, and they hate it, but im a college student now so they can't do anything about it!" On the walk there, down the middle of the street (since the side of the road doesn't have a sidewalk) we exchanged some small talk. I asked about his job, he said he used to work with the country's embassy and traveling and staying in different countries for 20 odd years, and that his favorite was Tokyo because it was clean and not as overwhelming as he expected it would be. He seemed to have calmed his nerves by that point and, after we reached the top of a small hill, he pointed at his house which was at the corner of the block just like mine. "They either get the houses mixed up or don't want to make the final track up the hill" he joked, looking the most relaxed he had been since I met him. He further explained that packages at our houses often get mixed up, with stuff meant for our house being sent to him and stuff meant for his house sent to us. I realized then that this was the house my parents had talked about delivery always mixing our packages with, a face that has been mentioned to me before yet I never met. It ended up being my package, evident a hole worn into a corner revealing the item and by my name on it, which was completely different from Taylor Brown. He laughed about the mix up and apologized, and I joked again that the mix up was understandable, since I have an equally common first and last name. I'm remembering now how soft and airy the laugh was, it suited him very well.

He offered to help carry the package, but it was wooden and light and as much as I wanted to continue talking with him I didn't want to make him walk up the hill again and then back to his house alone. I leaned it under my arm and against my leg to prove I could carry it on my own, despite the box's length being up to my chin. He seemed a little surprised, yet at the same time not, like he somehow has ascertained my whole vibe from this one interaction with him. I waved goodbye with my whole arm, box in one hand and still walking barefoot and hand-on-god grinning. I walked past a guy pulling out of his driveway, who stopped to let me pass. At the top of the hill I could hear the old man greet the other guy happily from behind me and ask how he'd been doing.

The whole rest of the block down, after switching to balancing the box on my head (supported by both my hands), I was still smiling. I don't think anyone else but me understands how big of a deal this is for me. Sometime 4-5 years ago I developed social anxiety and agoraphobic tendencies that made meaningfully interacting with strangers feel impossible and uncomfortable leaving any designated "safe space". I've been very personally ashamed of it, because how could I (a person who has exhibited above average social skills in the past and complete comfort with small talk) now be so afraid of other people that I didn't want to leave my home? The whole point of being home this semester was working on myself, and I had been feeling like I had been failing since I haven't crossed little to any of the goals I've listed out thus far. But this week, I've been feeling better, and slowly working on one of the goals that, even though it was one I planned to be done over a month ago, I was making great progress and feeling good about the progress. Then today, with this interaction, it was like someone slid a mirror in front of me and showed me how my healing was coming along. This feels like progress.

Progress that I have ached and clawed and screamed at myself (mentally) for a while now, and I only noticed it the moment I wasn't closely examining myself for it. What do you know, give myself a moment to breathe, to not be angry about myself over my own health, and I heal. World of Wonders. I don't expect every interaction I have after this will be perfect. But, this is the first interaction in years that I felt like I was truly me and uncaring about being me during it. This is enough to fuel the hope I was fighting to keep.

A hope that is burning in my ribcage now, a furnace that hasn't been on in so long that I only remembered how its heat felt.

A hope that I've fought to keep and had to repeatedly relight and desperately keep it going.

It cannot carry me everywhere, but this feels like enough fuel to make it to the next station. And this moment means everything to me because of it.

[acefaun]

Lol once again I am here to bless you with wacky request. What if all 12 gods (including our lovely King) watch Labyrinth and they all tease Leon about it and make him dress like the Goblin King for a whole day. RIP David Bowie 😭❤️

The King’s Labyrinth

Synopsis: Being the notorious trickster that he is, the King uses a film you’ve recently watched with the gods as inspiration for his latest entertainment. It doesn’t help that Leon looks like the Goblin King… Putting the thirteen of you in the Labyrinth, it only takes a little mind persuasion to get everyone to cooperate.

✨Masterlist✨ Female goldfish! 

A/n: Okay, this idea, but more in depth. More dramatic! Because the King wouldn’t settle for less. This trickster is my soulmate, by all means. He’s going all out. He IS making Leon the goblin King. And who’re the goblins? The other gods. Who’s helping you through the labyrinth? We have Ichthys(a mischievous shape shifter) and then we have Dui and Shadow Dui(who are two separate people that can never agree with each other. “One of us always lies and one of us always tells the truth.”). And finally, we have Aigo, a sleepy faun who really shouldn’t be much help.  That’s all I have as far as a draft goes. I’m breaking this up into chapters because I have IDEAS that are slowly building. I rarely do chapter stories. Let me get away with it just this once. 🙏🏻☺️ I’ll also cross-post on AO3 because I don’t do that enough… 

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8

–Word Count: 2.6K–

Chapter 1: Leon, the Goblin King

“Perfect,” I muttered, a grin on my face. “Perfect, perfect. This is just a blessing that I’ve created upon this Earth.” Despite the big grin I wore, I added, “He’s gonna hate me… I’m printing him a picture!”

Aigonorus watched as I rushed excitedly around my room, his eyebrows furrowing. “What did you do…?” 

“A wonderful question,” I beamed at him, turning around with my ipad in my hands to face him. “I’ve drawn the most beautiful picture of Leo and the rest of you. It’s my biggest accomplishment as an artist. I deserve the highest praise for my top-tier work. I’m so underrated!” I shoved my ipad closer to his face so he could see it from where his head poked out from under the blankets. He stared at it for the longest and most silent time. Sighing… I relented, “I’m a joke.”

His eyes shifted back up to me as he admitted, “I might be too sleepy… but I don’t know what I’m looking at.” He rubbed his eyes with his fist before looking back at the digital drawing. He could recognize it as the scene in the throne room where the Goblin King was holding the baby. He supposed it did look like Leon in there. But the goblins looked pretty funny to him. 

I pulled my ipad back, throwing myself back onto the bed beside him. “It’s supposed to be Leon and the rest of you looking like goblins! You’re there at the bottom laying on the floor. If you were a goblin, I bet you’d use Leo’s boot as a pillow.”

I felt accomplished at hearing a chuckle leave Aigonorus’s lips. He turned over, wrapping his arms around my torso as he pulled me closer to him, leaning his head against my shoulder, his nose nuzzling into my neck. “If I were a goblin… I’d still want to use you as a pillow. You smell better than a boot.”

Putting my ipad on my nightstand, I hugged Aigonorus, nuzzling into his hair in return. “Well, thanks. I’m glad I don’t smell like a boot. That’ll make it easier to sleep, won’t it?” He hummed in agreement and my head fell back onto my pillow. “G’night, Aigo.”

***

“(Name) (Last name).” 

I groaned, turning onto my side, hoping that Aigonorus would let me sleep longer with him.

“(Name) (Last Name).”

Wait… Where was Aigo? I turned over onto my stomach, not finding him next to me.

“Wake up.”

I muttered, “Five more minutes…” I wasn’t ready to get up. What was the rush? I wanted Aigonorus to wrap me up in the warm blankets again. Where was he? I peeked my eyes open, scanning my surroundings slowly before shooting up onto my knees in a sitting position. I quickly wiped the sleep out of my eyes, my gaze falling onto a glimmering ethereal figure before me. My mouth was open slightly as I scanned the figure up and down before breathlessly asking, “Your Highness?” Was I in the throne room? Was I sleeping in the throne room? I prayed to every god I knew that I didn’t use the King’s boots as a pillow.

“I’ve called you here because I require your assistance.” 

He watched me amusedly as I scrambled to get to my feet. I was sure Zyglavis would have my head if he knew I was lying around on the floor in the King’s presence. “I… Uh… I can help?” 

The King’s face relaxed back into a smile, though, even I could sense the ulterior motives behind the smile. He then requested, “I’d like to see that drawing you’ve made of the gods.”

Just as when I first found myself at his feet, I was speechless and wasn’t sure what to do for a brief moment before I found my ipad hovering in the air beside me. I flinched finding it so close beside my head, but this made me sure that he was being completely serious. Okay, now I was certain Zyglavis would kill me for feeding the King human entertainment rubbish. Hesitantly, I grabbed my ipad, searching for the awkward drawing that I’d made as a joke. Quietly, I prayed, “Please, tell me there’s more required than this embarrassing drawing…” Refusing to meet his gaze, I surrendered my ipad over to him.

He didn’t take it. Rather, he stared at the image from where he was sitting and my heart raced in anxiety. Was his smile growing? Did he look even more entertained than he did two minutes ago?! I was going to be murdered by the gods, my fate was sealed. 

“Yes,” he finally spoke, his eyes returning to me. “You’re going to be the most important piece. Here.” He snapped his fingers, a ring shimmering in the air before me. It looked like a normal, average band of silver; but I knew better. “You’re going to wear this for me. So long as you do, it will make things much simpler… and far more painless.” 

I glanced between the ring and the King just long enough to stall for time before I hesitantly took it between my fingers. There were odd engravings on it, but nothing I could recognize. Pursing my lips together, I dared to argue, “Your Highness, I don’t think the gods are going to like whatever you have planned.”

Oh, yeah… Now he was smirking, making me internally groan. “Fortunately,” He drawled, “You will not defy me.” I shook my head, silently agreeing with him as I slipped the ring onto my finger. “I’ll reward an obedient human for doing well in my Labyrinth.”

“Labyrinth?” My eyes widened. Now I had an idea of what he was doing but I couldn’t say anything to stop it. He had already snapped his fingers, my vision fading. 

“Should the ring be removed…” He paused cryptically. “Well, I would enjoy seeing the results far more than you…”

***

“(Name),” I flinched as my name was called, turning my attention to the intruding god that wasn’t supposed to be in my apartment. But Partheno looked amused that he startled me. “You’re jumpy today, aren’t you? What’s that lovely new ring you’ve got there?”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, pulling the headphones off of my head as I glared at him. 

He grinned as if he were proud of himself. “I’m here to visit you, of course. Things seem quiet in the Heavens for some reason… I had no reason not to come see my favorite human. Don’t you feel blessed?”

“I’d feel blessed if it weren’t a demon visiting me,” I shot back, turning away from him. Though, for some reason, his words resonated with me. Ever since I woke up, I felt something was missing… 

“Hey,” He called out, offended that I had just verbally lashed out at him. “There’s no need to be like that. I’m a god now, remember? Besides, I came to return something I found…” 

He trailed off, and I spun around to see what he could’ve stolen from me. “You- You took- Partheno, give him back!” My eyes were glued to the little stuffed goat in his arms. It was clearly mine, but I couldn’t recall where I got it from. All I knew was that it was important to me. “Give Nashira back!” 

I lunged for it, but all Partheno did was hold it higher, just out of reach. Before I could shout at him again, he offered, “What if I traded it for a kiss?”

I hissed in response, “Why would I kiss someone who’s so mean to me? Give Nashira back and go away!” My hands pressed into his chest, trying to usher him out of my room and toward the living room door as I simultaneously grabbed for my stuffed goat. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t like Partheno. I loved him as much as… as much as…

My brain refused to finish that sentence. For some reason, the thought escaped me. Regardless, I was trying to get rid of an annoyance. Partheno needed to visit me when I wasn’t feeling on edge and when he wasn’t returning a stolen item!

Still, Partheno refused to be shoved out of my door so easily. “My love is clearly having a mood swing today. I should stay to rectify her mood.” Smirking, he lowered the stuffed toy, not surprised when I aggressively snatched it from his hand. 

I rolled my eyes, turning on my heel as I retreated to my room. “I wish you would just…” I trailed off, my thoughts pausing again. But this time, my mind wasn’t blank with missing information. My mind provided me with just the right words to say. Only… it was ridiculous. “Seriously? To a god?” I glanced back at where Partheno was hopefully standing in my living room. Seeing that stupid love-struck look on his face, I hissed, “I wish the goblins would come and take you away, right now!”

Partheno looked surprised at what I’d just said, but I didn’t stay around long enough to hear his reaction. I stormed into my room, setting my stuffed goat back onto my bed and patting its head as though comforting it for its traumatic experience. I stayed there for a moment, anticipating that he would follow me, teasing me for what I’d shouted at him. But… the living room was silent. Turning around, it also appeared that the living room was dark. I glanced around my room as if waiting for Partheno to jump out and scare me. But the scampering I heard through the living room made my heart race. 

My hands shook as I stepped out of my room. If there was any time for Partheno to jump out and scare me, it was now as I was walking through the dark living room. But a thud made me anxiously turn around and find that the light in my room had gone out as well. “P- Partheno…?” The only light I could see was the light that was streaming through the windows from the moon outside. It only made things appear eerier as I could swear the shadows were moving around my space. “Partheno, that’s not funny. Where are you?”

My balcony doors bursting open made me screech in fear. The only logical thing to come to mind was that I forgot to lock the doors—that made it reasonable for the wind to blow them open. Rushing over to close them, I was forced to turn as I heard my chairs being shoved around the kitchen floor. “Partheno!” My hands shook as I backed from the kitchen. There was no way my words actually did anything, right? Partheno was a god… no one stole him away.

Turning back to address my open balcony, a firm chest muffled my pained groan. I prayed it was Partheno, but my heart jumped to my throat when I saw a face that looked too familiar to be ironic. My jaw dropped slightly as I frantically put space between us. “You… You’re the Goblin King…” Did he actually take Partheno?! “Please, I- I didn’t mean it. Please, give him back. I didn’t think he’d actually be taken. Where is he?” 

Leon tilted his head, less amused with my begging than he was with how I crashed into his chest. “You knew very well what you were saying. I granted your wish and you will never have to deal with him again. You know where I took him. You should be much more grateful.”

“I know you were just doing your job,” I acknowledged, but I still couldn’t let him get away with stealing Partheno. “But please, give him back.” 

“Return to your room,” he tried again, knowing very well that I would go against his wishes. “You have your toy. You’ll not be bothered again. Forget about the god.”

I pursed my lips together. Sure, Leon intimidated me… his presence was powerful. But I had to deny him. “I can’t. I made a mistake…” 

He hummed, silently agreeing with me. I wouldn’t have to be challenging him if I’d been more careful with my wishes. Still, he would not return the god no matter how much I pleaded with him. More than anything, he wanted to see if I’d continue to squirm and struggle. Curiously, he offered, “I’ll grant another wish of yours.” Snapping his fingers, another crystal orb appeared between his fingers. “Here, we can peer into all of your most precious dreams and grant anything you desire.” Glancing back to meet my curious gaze, he asked, “Do you want this? You need only give in.”

I quickly shook my head, trying to brush off whatever he was trying to bribe me with. I could tell he was only doing this for my best interest, but this entire thing was a mistake that I didn’t mean. “No, please,” I tried again. “I’m sorry I made that wish. I take it back! I understand what you’re trying to do for me and I appreciate it but I really didn’t mean to-”

“Oh-ho?” He interrupted, his head tilting, as he paced around me like a predator. “What’s said is said. I will not repeat myself. That god belongs to me now.” Waving his hand, a pale pink glass orb appeared on the tips of his fingers. Within the orb, my eyes widened as I saw Partheno. He looked lost… 

A wave of guilt hit me and I immediately reached for the orb, only to have it be pulled away from me, being held just above Leon’s head. “Wait!” 

I looked desperately up at Leon, but he didn’t look like he was going to be too merciful and hand over the orb. Instead, he looked peeved that I’d lunged at him. “Don’t challenge me,” he dispassionately glared at me as the orb vanished from his hand. “You’re no match for my power.”

That glare was enough to make me feel foolish for attempting to get Partheno back like that. Timidly, I asked, “Where is he?”

“Where do you think?” Turning to look behind him, Leon pointed outside of my balcony doors, showcasing an entire labyrinth with a castle at its center. “He’s in my castle, where he will stay. Well away from you.”

Staring at the scenery in awe, I whispered under my breath, “The castle beyond the goblin city…” Steeling myself, I decisively said, “I have to go there.” My eyes were glued to the castle in the distance. It looked too far away… but I had to get him back from the Goblin King.

Leon lifted an eyebrow as he witnessed my determination. “You still want to try to get him back?” He couldn’t admit how much he loved to see that look in my eyes. “You would go against my wishes to get that fool back? I advise against defying me, (Name).”

“I don’t have a choice,” I lamented, trying to gauge the distance between me and Partheno. “I’ll go to the castle beyond the goblin city… and I’ll get him back.” I wasn’t sure what kind of look Leon was giving me, but for the moment, I didn’t care. I was determined to find Partheno without his help. 

Seeing my powerful will, Leon smirked, deciding to turn this into a game. “Very well… I’ll return the god to you.” He liked how my eyes shot to him full of childish hope. “You’ll have thirteen hours to solve the labyrinth and find that god in my castle. Do that… and I’ll consider being merciful.” Seeing my new dead-set energy, he shook his head. “What a shame you had to pick the hard way…”

Snapping his fingers, not only did he vanish, but the surrounding room transformed until all that surrounded me was the barren landscape outside of the labyrinth as well as the immense walls that would take me into the maze. “Hm… Alright. Time to find my way to Partheno!”

[shesholy]

a   self   para   of   #𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚛   in  involuntary   rehab   .   

               the  harsh  reality  finally  settling  .  digits  fiddling  with  the  journal  she’d  been  handed  on  her  first  day  .  pages  riddled  with  i  hate  them  written  consecutively  only  for  a  few  pages  in  ,  the  letter’s  shift  to  i  hate  myself  .  left  all  alone  ,  with  just  her  thoughts  and  strangers  who  claimed  they  wanted  to  know  each  and  every  thought  that  swirled  through  her  brain  .  it  was  like  living  in  her  own  personal  hell  .  feelings  of  betrayal  shift  from  other’s  and  onto  herself  .  admittedly  ,  her  own  worst  enemy  .  faced  with  two  choices  :  give  in  to  the  process  or  play  the  game  until  she  can  walk  through  the  front  doors  and  reclaim  her  freedom  .  either  way  she  feels  as  though  she’s  lost  .  in  the  confines  of  her  room  ,  tears  ravage  porcelain  skin  .  trust  in  herself  as  well  as  those  who  claimed  to  love  her  lost  .  

if  they  love  me  as  much  as  they  say  they  do  ,  why  tuck  me  a  away  ?  out  of  sight  ,  out  of  mind  .  they  are  no  better  than  my  grandparents  .  scribbled  into  the  very  journal  ,  moments  before  her  next  counseling  session  .  therapy  never  having  been  her  thing  but  here  she  had  no  choice  but  to  attend  .  even  if  she  refused  to  speak  ,  her  presence  was  mandatory  .  

for  the  first  week  ,  she  deny’s  visitation  .  it’s  her  right  ,  one  of  the  last  few  choices  she’d  been  left  with  .  not  wanting  to  face  anyone  ,  although  she  can’t  particularly  pinpoint  why  .  was  it  embarrassment  ?  a  way  for  her  to  punish  those  she  felt  thrown  away  by  ?  probably  a  mixture  of  both  .  it’s  not  fair  ,  she  screams  ,  voice  echoing  throughout  her  room  .  god  ,  she  misses  her  room  at  home  .  she  misses  filming  ,  the  only  time  she  felt  as  if  she  could  fully  escape  her  own  reality  .  the  reminder  of  both  productions  she’d  been  working  on  having  to  halt  filming  in  her  absence  .  

each  night  she  tosses  and  turns  ,  mulling  over  how  she  could  possibly  numb  the  pain  .  cliche  therapist  quotes  etching  a  space  in  her  brain  .  recovery  begins  the  moment  you  surrender  ,  you’ll  never  heal  if  you  keep  pretending  you’re  not  hurting  .  eyes  roll  back  at  the  very  sound  of  words  .  annoyed  and  frustrated  because  for  the  first  time  ,  she  actually  hears  the  words  .  loud  and  clear  .  

weak  hands  reach  for  a  journal  that’s  damage  emulates  her  own  .  pen  to  paper  .  she  may  not  be  ready  to  say  everything  outloud  ,  but  she  knows  she  needs  to  admit  it  .  even  if  only  to  herself  .  

breakthrough  journal  entry  :  i’m  an  addict  .  never  addicted  to  one  thing  ;  i’m  addicted  to  filling  a  void  within  myself  ,  with  things  other  than  my  own  love  because  i  don’t  think  i  deserve  it  ...  to  be  loved  .  i  sabotage  good  things  in  fear  of  rejection  .  i’m  constantly  afraid  the  people  i  love  will  wake  up  one  day  and  realize  i’m  not  worth  the  headache  and  walk  away  from  me  ,  forever  .  i  owe  so  many  people  apologies  ;  my  mom  ,  my  dad  ,  archie  ,  micah  ,  cely  ,  zach  ,  val  ,  my  fans  ,  and  most  importantly  myself  .  i  don’t  know  if  i’m  strong  enough  to  get  through  this  but  i  think  i’m  finally  willing  to  try  .  i  just  want  to  be  happy  .                                                       

[yakultii]

I ain't scared, I just thought I might get the most best answer this way..I'm wondering what poet or poem you read (or were read in your childhood) that had you looking for more and aspiring to write your own? If it was a traumatic event, I feel you there. .it can really help to read a complete stranger's words of pain, when they harmonize with our own. I admit, I have only read a couple of your poems but I love your voice, keep on keepin on ☮️ 🕉 💛

HAHA DW I LOVE ANONS <33333 I encourage it.

HONESTLY no poetry inspired me to write poetry (IRONIC) I thought I hated poetry!!!! I’ve written many things since I was a kid but always been more of an essay kinda dude..I attempted to read poetry a few times over my lifetime and mostly it made no sense to me..I thought it was just a bunch of pretentious ppl flexing their advanced vocab (which honestly I lack bc of a whole other story I won’t get into and maybe I was just jealous) - the only time I wrote a poem was back in final yr of highschool lit class when my brain was malnourished af and writing it made me want to kms plus I had major imposter syndrome (and then my lovely grandma went and sent it in to a poetry magazine without me knowing and it got published and still I didn’t think poetry was for me) only in more recent times I no longer have access to a psych who I can send weekly 3000 word emails to and I needed to do something so that I would stop driving myself completely insane bc I also live alone 4hrs from family and no friends so have noone to save me but myself so I started writing every day on wattpad like a digital diary entry(today was day 118 in a row) then I started to see others who had written poetry and combined w the fact that I’ve come very far over the yrs in terms with perfectionism (as in not needing to be) I found myself in a place realising that poetry didn’t have to be “good” and that I could just make it work for me. I could just write for myself. To get things out (even tho it’s only like 5% of my mind). It didn’t need to look impressive for others etc like what I used to think poetry did… so yeah basically poetry is just my budget therapy now and a tool to prevent me from ending things :))))) everything I write about (so far, at time of writing) is from real life experience and I love using it as an outlet to say the things that wouldn’t be taken so well if they were said out loud.. cause everyone has some sort of darker side whether they are exposed to it or not and whilst I do hold onto a lot of hope I love being able to have an outlet to get the rot out of me or at least create something with it so it’s not completely useless and all consuming. ALSO I think it’s cool that poetry allows you to turn your words into art. I’ve always loved art and ppl consider me arty or whatevs but I can’t draw or paint (well - not that it matters) so this is kinda something that comes more naturally to me! (I’ve only been writing poetry for 4 months now so hopefully I can only get better)… AND THANK THE LORD in the meantime as I have come to write my own poetry I am now able to appreciate other people’s poetry, I can understand it more, I can be inspired by it, I can admire it. I get it now. Or at least I think I’m starting to get it…. But to answer ur question l wouldn’t say it was a singular traumatic event which inspired it but rather a combined experience of like 20 genuinely traumatic events combined with being neurodiverse & a lifetime of various mental illnesses which I wouldn’t say are all treated etc. and quite honestly having read NOTHING in the past which resonated with the depth of my own experience so I thought you know what I know I can’t be the only one feeling this, I’m gonna try write my own! If I can’t read it I’ll write it and hope I can be that for someone else I guessss

SOZ FOR RANT IDK HOW TO STFU AND THANK YOU FOR READING A FEW OF MY POEMS AND THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION ILY HAVE A LOVELY DAY <33

[spokenthroughvinesinhushedvoices]

I'm not gonna tag this post with much bc I like to randomly spout nonsense about nothing in particular sometimes-

Deciding to actually do something with this account and uploading a piece of real fanart to the world was a more daunting choice for me than I think a lot of fanartists would usually consider it😅

For me, my reasons are two fold; the first is that I don't have the greatest relationship to my art and creating it. You know how it is, especially for any fellow Gifted and Talented folk who got stuck in that mindset of, "If I'm not the best at everything I'm doing, then I shouldn't be doing it and I'm worthless." Real Sundry Sydney vibes(love her btw hehe). Second, I mean, as much as I appreciate the sentiment of "Holy shit! Two cakes!" I think it's pretty clear that I've taken quite a long break from drawing for internet content. I think people won't readily admit it, but digital artistry is always more favored and easier on the eyes for an audience than traditional art, not to mention the obvious lack of skill, experience and knowledge.

I know it's not a big deal to anyone else that a silly random person is uploading art to their tumblr blog for the first time in ages, but it is to me. I think I'm going to go into this thinking, I'm not making art for other people to compliment and pay attention to, I'm going to finally give myself the opportunity to show my love and adoration for all the things I'm a HUGE fan of. THAT'S what I'm in this game for. So, if you enjoy my art, or you hate it and feel disgusted by it, or you just don't care at all about anything going on over here, that's fine. I'm just glad my creations exist somewhere. The internet is forever, after all.

[linglingc]

I believe there is a different way to live especially now in this era, everything is changing more digitally, so it is best to adapt. you can choose to live your old lifestyle, but you can also choose to move with the times, you don't have to change completely, just what you resonate with you and what you can adapt.

I don't like being forced to work for minimum wage and wasting my time. I know what is good for my mental health and the 9/5 coprate job is not the purpose of life.

we live in a time when you can earn money in different ways because yes you need money to live, but I want to get out of the rat race aka matrix and just be my authentic self

and if I want my income passively, I would rather choose to work for myself. then I can also choose which people I want to work with, because as an introvert it is exhausting every day over and over again to work with people.

it is different to get out of bed and because you consciously choose what you do with your time instead of going through life on autopilot through the day because I have to earn a minimum wage.

I remember the feeling so well, it was liberating when I finally knew what life was about, what life was all about. and how I want to live my life.

first you have to know who you are and fuck that if you think it's corny cliche shit, because it's just true, your authentic self is the greatest energy magnet that exists

knowing what is best for you, what your love language is, what works best for your skin, what food is best for you, what kind of humor do you enjoy, what kind of music do you like, what kind of favorite color, what kind of exercise do you enjoy, what are your love languages ​​not just for your partner but for yourself, your friends, your family, strangers.

what didn't work for you at first when you were a child but now does as an adult, what kind of smell do you like, laughing together with your friends about the stupidest things, dancing, dancing, dancing, you are a vibrating being, exchanging ideas and thoughts that can help each other helping, telling stories, loving animals, you are the human form of the universe

you have different forms of the universe.

imagine. you wake up in a lovely clean soft bed with your favorite duvet cover, you feel rested because you have slept wonderfully, you are not in a HURRY omg, you have all the time, you get up, take a nice shower, sing in the shower, freshen up with your favorite shower products

You put on a nice outfit that you feel completely like yourself in, you radiate, you have a nice breakfast, you are not in a hurry, and then you enjoy your day, which you have planned or not because it is your rest day! but the most important thing about this is you are not in a hurry, you do not live on autopilot, you live consciously, you breathe consciously. you will work on your hobbies or go to the market for fresh fruit, you will work on the knowledge that you want to learn as a person. you grow as a person instead of feeling stuck because you are too tired to develop because your freedom and energy has been taken away from you by the fucking big bad ´´ grow the fuck up´´ people world because you have to 'earn a living'.

It´s about experiencing not about being percieved.

And to be honest nobody cares, nobody fucking cares, you have to care, care for yourself. no one knows what they´re doing.

and people who complain about uuh you have to grow up, go find a "real job" uhuuhu that they also hate or have a burnout from but don't want to admit because they can't think any different because they have been programmed to think that way. and then ´´I'm proud of myself uhuuu I worked so many hours this week´´, but when they get home they have no time and energy for themelf or the people they love and just sit there in autopilote mode blind , not living but just excisting through time. Caught on other people´s fucking drama thats not important. Always negative, always complaining, always the victim. but never do the work to make the best of it themself

saying that this is reality and that you just have to accept it, but never be open to the fact that there are as many other realities as possible. Everyone has their own definition of what reality is. Just because you grew up with it that way doesn't mean it's a fixed reality. They're fooling you.

[stickythoughts1989]

Welcome to Sticky Thoughts: Getting OCD Treatment!

This is a free digital zine by writer Sara R. Radin, aka me, a human being living with OCD. I’m a writer and publicist currently living in Philadelphia, PA while I do an intensive treatment program for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

I’m compiling my personal experience here in service of others.

Me, after landing back in NJ upon being released early from rehab in November 2023.

Some background:

OCD is a highly stigmatized illness that is grossly underdiagnosed and also often misdiagnosed as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which was unfortunately the case for me – after a lifetime of suffering from severe anxiety and nearly a decade spent trying to heal and find relief I was (finally) properly diagnosed with the disorder at age 34 in June 2023.

Learning I had spent all that time, energy, and money trying to heal a debilitating disease I didn’t know I was living with took me down a downward spiral and I became severely depressed and suicidal. I didn’t know how to get well or where to turn. I saw my illness in every part of me, it felt like there was nothing it hadn’t touched. Plus, I had picked my skin so badly I was covered in head to toe wounds and scars and was getting regular skin infections that required multiple rounds of antibiotics. My doctors said the habit had graduated to self-harm territory.

In October 2023 I made the impossible decision to admit myself to a psychiatric hospital in Wisconsin and embarked on a new journey – one where I began learning to accept myself and coexist with my illness rather than hating myself and fighting against my insecurities all the time.

I’ve been wanting to write about this experience and how I started to get help for some time now and I finally feel ready and capable of doing so. My hope is that sharing this information may help someone else who could be suffering with OCD in silence and not know where to turn.

Please know I’m not an expert nor a psychological professional and can only speak to my own experience and learnings. Thank you in advance for reading & sharing 🙂

[neuro-gal-thoughts]

I'm trying to remember when I began to hate Septembers. They used to feel like such a curse. I would often fall into a seemingly out of nowhere bout of depression in September. Or something really awful would befall me.

Not to say every year it comes and bad things happen to me, but they certainly were on a streak in my adolescence and young adulthood. Regardless, I tend to brace for stormy weather when I realize September is approaching (or I get pulled over and ticketed for speeding and realize it's September 3rd T-T).

Towards my 30s, Septembers mellowed out. There were a couple years where I barely even took in September.

So last week, I took note of August coming to an end. Generally, feeling grateful that I no longer dreaded living in September because a dark cloud cast over me so heavily all I could do was sleep during the days and stay up all night, unable to face the world like a nightcrawler.

Hell, I would go to the grocery stores at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, back when stores were open 24 hours. It was peaceful to walk down empty aisles (save for a few tired employees who were perfectly fine ignoring me as I ignored them, lost in our own late night worlds). To drive on dark, quiet, nearly empty roads.

Back to last week, I only allowed myself a few moments to think about September approach on Friday. On my drive home from work on Thursday morning (yep, still a nightcrawler but I get paid to work these hours), a throwback playlist played Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends" right as I hit a red light.

The truck in front of me had a license plate starting with the letters "DAD-F" followed by the last two digits of my birth year.

That moment made me realize I had to do a final farewell for my dad. Billy Joel Armstrong's song about losing his father. A license plate with the word "DAD"?? "F" as in his Female daughter. And the year I was born.

If I was to prepare for a rough September, how about processing my Father wound some more?

My dad didn't die, but for the last 3-4 years I began unpacking my relationship with my dad. Which snowballed into decentering men and checking myself. Confront my internalized misogyny.

And so I waited until September came to truly let myself think about my dad. I wrote my dad a goodbye letter, coming to the realization that my relationship with my dad essentially ended when I was 12-13 (6th grade) in that process.

At that time, he was having an affair and he and my mom were being generally awful to each other and their kids. And it wasn't that my dad cheated on my mom that made me realize that my dad wasn't my dad anymore.

It was a specific day, one in which my dad wasn't catastrophically awful to me and my siblings, but something about his behavior really stuck with me and that day never left me.

He'd been flippant about watching me and my siblings, usual asshole Dad behavior where he wanted to go out and blew off taking care of his kids. My siblings and I walked to the gas station to buy ice cream and my dad drove off to a buddy's place to play cards and get caught up in his gambling addiction.

My relationship with my dad up to that point had been a childhood filled with happy memories mixed in with complicated, bad, painful memories.

If I could sum up my relationship with my dad into my teen years with one word it would be: strained.

There were bad memories because of course I was an emotional teenager and having someone who was narcissistic like my dad led to stupid arguments between us. But, unlike my childhood, not really any good memories to be had.

After hiding from my feelings by trying to numb them out and ignore them in my 20s, I was able to start working on it in my 30s. Admitting I want my father's love. That I miss the affection and attention he gave me when I was a small child.

That I hate him for being a shitty dad. For being abusive. For being neglectful. For not caring about his kids, not caring about me. For being selfish. For making shitty decisions and expecting other people to clean his messes up for him. For making his resentment so obvious and venomous.

Understanding that his resources for good parenting (much less surviving at many points in his life) weren't the best. Understanding that I can still hate him for being a shitty dad while also having compassion for the struggles he faced in his life so that I can understand that the hurt inflicted upon me was not my fault.

Accepting that I will spend a lifetime working on trust and love because I was shown so little.

And for my own inner peace, to try to see if this helps, I wrote my dad a goodbye letter. Accept that the father/daughter relationship I have always wanted will never be one that I have with my dad. Allow myself to feel my emotions over my dad when they crop up.

They don't carry as much weight as they used to and they don't occur as often as they used to. But I do want to allow myself to feel my feelings when they happen.

And there were signs for me to let my relationship with my dad evolve into what it is becoming now. I don't need to pretend anymore.